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nulltune · 1 year

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a general / vague-ish backstory post, inspired by canon but much more hakuno-centric cuz that's the focus of this blog, babyyy! if you wanna know more a lil more about the stuff hakuno's been through without getting into fate/extra, this is the post for you 😌💖 it's just the barebones of it though and i'll probably add more details depending on whatever verse/setting i'm throwing her at ✨️ (tho i might just leave it at Amnesiac in some cases 🤷‍♀️ rlly just depends tbh !)

can't recall her past. she has no memories of a home or a family, she doesn't even know who she is or what values she believes in. she's just a nobody with no passions, desires, emotions or anything of value. nothing.

she has no reason to fight either, but when she's forced into a circumstance where it's either kill or be killed (think of some battle royale kinda thing sgfjsh), what drove her to fight was just the basic survival instinct of not wanting to die.

"Even though you can’t describe what it is yet, there must be something that gives you a purpose. Through combat, find the reason you fight, and the reason you can't lose. Find your answers. It’s your responsibility to have the answers when you survive this war."

(for some context, remember her canon source is fate which has a "holy grail war", basically a battle royale with heroic spirits, it's not really important rn but yeah that's why you'll see it being called a war!)

^ advice she received from an opponent she defeated which really left a mark on her. and as she continued to fight, everyone she encountered gave her something to learn and remember in one way or another.

at the end of it, she is "a soul that has been tempered by crisis and conflict". hakuno learned a lot from her battles and though she was the weakest at the start, she ended as the strongest. (nOT to the point of being insanely strong btw gdjfhsdg i'd say she's probably stronger than an average person but hakuno Cannot beat goku </3 )

it fits the ideology the person who orchestrated the whole thing believed in: that conflict ultimately strengthens people, making them grow and change into something stronger.

hakuno herself is living proof of that, but the conclusion she ended up with is much more sentimental.

she started out empty and hollow but grew to become an incredibly compassionate and softhearted person. though they were her enemies, she did her best to try and understand them and through that, she came to understand the value of a life, bonds and connections, and humanity.

she's like a doll that gained a heart <3 (which is how i rlly want my portrayal of her to be like !!!) there was no substance at the start beyond a pretty image, but it's her experiences, interactions and memories with others that slowly fill that emptiness.

in the end, her conclusion was that this system that forced to kill or be killed is just rotten at its core. so though she was encouraged to keep this cycle going, after seeing all the suffering and experiencing it herself, what she wants is to put an end to all this cruelty.

(canon has hakuno resolve all her issues and die at the end of the story but i'm halting her character development for interaction purposes 😉)

she made the resolve to do so fully knowing that she'd have to give up her life to accomplish this, but ended up surviving somehow.

her desire to live is still as strong as ever so it's not that she wanted to die, deep down she really didn't want to disappear but kept it to herself because she feels like it'd be "too greedy" of her.

despite her better understanding of others, hakuno still doesn't fully understand herself and her own emotions tbh! while she has more substance to her, she's still trying to find herself.

anddd she still questions whether she has the right to be alive, what worth she has, and just what place she has in the world she feels so detached from. definitely has her own unresolved issues from what she's been through ^_T

#i'm trying to sound professional here but don't be fooled IM TYPING ALL THIS THRU MY TEARS #SKIMMING THRU MY E.XTRA REF/NOTES JUST MAKES ME FACKING SCREAM CRY CLUTCH MY CHEST FOR HERRRR 😭😭😭 I PUNCH THE WALL .#H.AKUNOOOOOOOO !!!!!!!!!!#i wish i could give more detail abt all her feelings and her development throughout all that but !!! a lil summary should suffice ✨️#also i feel like knowing this rlly helps u understand the way h.akuno is the way she is ;__;#&&. hcs #maaay or may nooot edit this some more in da future .... but i'm satisfied w/ it for now so #<3 LIVE LAUGH LOVE H.AKUNO-#war cw #war /#war mention cw #war mention /#jic !!!#&&. about

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skullzy20 · 1 year

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I made this shortly after the Disciples animatic but I never posted it, so here it is now :)

#my art #digital art #my oc #my video #tribus belua #ariet #subject 003 #leo #blood cw #death cw #death tw #I didn't really like how it came out entirely at that time but I still think it should be put here because.. oc stuff <3 #flashing cw #very slight but still jic

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echidnana · 9 months

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having one of our favorite meals for dinner! :P

#we've just been eating breakfast and dinner lately #and i dont think its awesome for us #yeaterday before dinner we got really shakey and lightheaded #and after we ate we felt better #so we should probably eat more #we just get really picky about how we space our meals out #one.txt #food cw #disordered eating mention #<- jic

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castielsparkle · 1 year

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i drew this as a reward present for myself bc i am cleaning the kitchen. yippee

meme reference

edit: i fucked up the enochian but its Too Late now sorry everypony. maybe i will fix it later. hope thi s is okay.<3

#suicide cw #<-jic #cas.art #cas #supernatural #shitpost #meme #castiel #art #fanart #supernatural art #spn art #spn #it says 'you should kill yourse... lf now!" bc i fucked it up #Ignore That. thanks

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gibbycat · 4 months

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studying my faves under a microscope isnt enough. i need to do a full-on dissection. peel their layers back to reveal what makes them them.

#gibgabs #cw body horror #jic?? i feel like the imagery is so fucking raw #i should not be allowed to cook more on this subject

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orangesideirrational · 4 months

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part 4!

again- mvt horror au drabble. au made by @cartilagehumdrum

i would suggest reading the other drabbles in this series (ig its a series now? does this count?) which you can find in my '#mvt horror' tag. you dont have to, but it would make some references make sense.

once again- this was sent to the discord first, but very little editing was done

CWS- oh jeez how do i tag this. uh- something is antagonising someone because its losing control over them, so manipulative language, ig? um, some very minor references to making out and such (not even mentioned by name, but jic) and a reference to something stealing someone's identity. dw if thats a thing that needs to be mentioned but jic!

ah, almost forgot-

italics is the flesh speaking to champagne.

bold is for emphasis

hope you enjoy!

champagne sighed before speaking. 'listen. just because I'm growling, that doesn't mean i'm angry.' he clarified. sterling, some others he didn't care for the name of, and whatever was pretending to be that 'kayla' girl looked on in confusion. benny just nodded like it made perfect sense. trust him to be the only smart one there. ew.

'but the last time i heard you growl, you were glaring at me.' sterling said. he said it like a question, but grammatically it wasn't. you were also holding him

'yes but-' champagne started before being interrupted by the guy that served the eye. it's scent's been getting stronger for some reason. 'and, presumably before then, i heard -and saw- you growling outside a room before sterling and benny left. you looked very upset then too.' he pointed out.

champagne choked back a growl. that would not help his point. 'listen. just assume that if im growling at benny its not because im pissed at him, got it? and shut up.' the flesh had started yelling obnoxiously the moment benny's name left champagne's lips. oh of course if it's him you're not angry. why would you ever be angry at precious perfect benny? he's the love of your life! and do not tell us to be quiet.

'no one said anyth-' sterling started before champagne cut him off quickly 'not you lot.' the ex-eye guy looked at him knowingly he's not using his Knowledge though. he's weird. don't get any ideas. and champagne hated him for it.

'last time i heard you growling at benny he was pressed against a wall.' one of them said. she had green hair and mischievous eyes and champagne could not remember her name for the life of him. champagne just pinched the bridge of his nose. 'yeah, exactly. doesn't mean you had to interrupt though. that's why I'm telling you lot this.' he grumbled.

no, they should interrupt. what are you talking about? its good that they keep interrupting, you keep doing crazy shit! you've already kissed him far too many times. you researched what you can take from someone without them being 'too uncomfortable' for the first time in how long? you're getting soft and this just proves it.

'then why would you growl at him- oh. oh nevermind.' sterling cut himself off. champagne didn't like sterling but he was grateful he at least didn't have to explain this to them.

champagne looked over at benny oh my everything! again with the benny- and saw that his face was a bright red. champagne tried to stop himself from grinning.

'general rule- if im growling at benny and he doesn't look scared- actually scared, by the way, not just blushing- don't interrupt.' he stated, before leaving. aw, not going to kiss your little boyfriend goodbye? maybe take another one of his bones and then not give them to us?

#the flesh is salty bc he likes hanging out with his crush more than them #popcross #popcrossstudios #popcross studios #mvt horror #sharpange

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leerentouls · 1 year

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i feel like i've lost so much time. + character of my choosing (télesphore + westen) cw: suicide ideation discussed, past abuse, off-screen death for Vampire-Zombie + Werewolf munching + gore, and a mild/implicit sexual fantasy (very brief, not as upsetting as the others but jic)

The full moon of the month has come and gone, but Télesphore can still feel the ripple under his skin, the bristling and prickling of wolffur threatening to break out at every moment he’s not otherwise busy, the salivating and sharpness of his wolfteeth as the hunger still seats itself in him. But he is in control, and it will fade, as it always does after a denied night��s hunt -- until the next full moon. Only twenty-nine-point-five days between. According to Google, anyway. His dad makes fun of him, good-natured like, because he has to keep checking now and then when asked if he knows; ‘a werewolf should know its schedule so innately,’ or whatever.

It’s grating. Pulls at his nerves, makes him more snappish, more brusque than is necessary. That’d be the time that Western, should the pair of them be at one of West’s gigs, would pull him aside gently and remind him to breathe in, breathe out, so on and so forth. Ever patient (mostly, and nobody’s perfect -- God knows West’s got it’s own issues going on), even when Télesphore snaps at it. Sometimes snorts and says, “Yeah, I get it, and so do you,” rather pointedly. Abashed, Télesphore -- Telly, that daft nickname that West will never stop using -- will listen, and breathe.

There are plenty of other things besides the full moon that agitate his wolfhunger, and damn them, damn it, that hunger rising in response to anything that crawls beneath all his skins, regardless of the moon’s phase.

Some upstart at a gig or club? Hunger. Feeling morose on a wet and windy morning? Hunger. Dad being just a little too jokey? Hunger. Missing his kids? Hunger. The divorce between him and Stella, shortly after coming out to one another, and having to push down the fact that he was still in love with her? Hunger. (But of course, he’s over it now, or at least reconciled it; they just don’t match like that, is all.) The fact that, currently, West isn’t picking up its phone after going radio silent for two days? Fucking goddamn hunger.

And it’s a scary fucking thing, even knowing he can and does control himself -- the ‘envy of monks’, his mum says -- because that hunger is directionless. It’ll go in a three-sixty if he ever lets loose of the leash on it. He couldn’t forgive himself if he hurt someone he cared about, or even an innocent unknown bystander.

As it is, he’s trembling in his seat, driving to where he guesses West might be. It’s one of the few places that’re lonely, although West calls it a ‘peaceful piece of solitude’. What it really is is woodland -- easy to get lost in if you just wander off all willy-nilly, and even Telly gets turned around sometimes despite relying on his sense of smell to direct him back to the car park near it’s edge.

What directs him now, as soon as he opens the door, is the smell of freshly spilt blood. And flesh-becoming-meat.

Oh dear.

Wolfhunger propels him, more stomp in his step, more purpose and direction in his line ever-forward, and he knows he should rein it in because he doesn’t know for sure what West has done (as if West isn’t the same as him -- rather suffer and dissolve than harm someone innocent), but the blood is tantalizing, the meat makes him salivate, and there is his friend, dear Western Slate. A meal to share, blood to spill, to wipe off its face delicately, or perhaps more roughly, passionately -- their bellies full and sated, oh, well, they could indulge, maybe, among the fallen autumn leaves and crawling creepies and ash bark, grey sky overhead, and what is more--

Oh, put a pin in that. It’s stomach-wrenching to focus on such a fantasy when now, in this little dingy clearing, Telly finds West openly sobbing over its meal.

“Western.”

It shrieks, whipping its head over its shoulder to spot who the interloper is, and even when it spots Telly -- your good and ever-steady friend, Telly! -- it still stumbles and falls over backwards to get away. Almost a comical sight, dead body’s gaping-wound of neck still squeezed between West’s fingers, if only West weren’t so frightened.

Telly takes a step back, half-confused -- that evil old prick that held West under his boot for thirty years had never addressed it by this name, and West’s never mentioned any other cruel thing -- but holds his hands up. “It’s me, West! Telly! Télesphore!”

“I--” Something seems to clear: it stands, still sniffling, dropping the body unceremoniously to the woodland floor. If it were any other time -- if Western weren’t so fucking miserable, for whatever reason -- it’d look beautiful. “... Rotten.”

“... I’m sorry.”

//////

After they’ve eaten what’s left (and quite honestly, West looks all the better for having a meal -- livelier-looking, much less haggard), Télesphore leads Western back to the care. West had mumbled something about the body having been full of awful thoughts, cruel things, entirely of their own volition, and the fucker was just chilling out in the woods, like they were untouchable for their cruelty.

“It wasn’t even the same thing,” West had gasped between hiccups, “not even the same thing but it--” Its face scrunched, attempting to stop crying. “Hateful motherffffffucker.”

Telly opens the car boot to grab a bottle of water and a washcloth; at least make an attempt at washing West’s hands and face before they both head home.

Think of something else, he tells himself as he washes West’s hands and face, wiping over West’s face with the washcloth gently, watching far too intently when it closes its eyes. This is not the time or place, for the love of fucking God. It’s easier to rip himself away from that type of hungry thought when West starts to sway, at risk of falling over. “Hey, watch out.”

“Mm.”

“Sit in the car, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Telly can’t even feel relieved that he’s found West.

//////

Still in the flat’s car park for a good five minutes, radio on quiet, when West finally speaks again.

“I’m not even... I’m not, like, properly suicidal, but oh my fucking God, it’s like-- I’ve been alive-- nah, not even that, been around too fucking long.” It sniffs, thumbing at its nose and staring into nothing. “Thirty fucking years of my life just fucking gone, and I-I, I don’t even-- I don’t eve-even remember most of it, do I? And I’m too much of a fuc-fucking coward to try and see my mum, ’cause-- ’cause look at me! I haven’t aged, have I? My mum’d fucking pass away in shock -- if she isn’t even al-- if she isn’t even alre-already d-dead, because she is so fucking old-- and my sisters! My aunt! Everyone I fucking loved before then all just think I’m proper dead, like, at-peace dead, but no I’m fucking killing and eating-- eating-drinking people!” It pulls on its hair and grunts. “I was meant to be an uncle, or whatever, my mum’s son, even if, you know -- but I don’t even get the choice. I don’t even get the choice, the chance, to actually have my life.”

It’s something Ezzie’s said before, about being blindsided by whoever it was that turned her; it’s something that Stella told him, in the time they were still married; it’s something that Griselda had mentioned on a night out; it’s something that neither the Dempseys nor Echo even needed to say. Neither of them were offered a choice, it was simply their bad luck.

“... I’m sorry, West.” What else can he even say? He’s shit at comforting people with words. Instead, he reaches to touch West’s shoulder, watching it lean into the touch. “C’mon,” he says softly, “we’ll go up, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Piggy-back?”

That manages to wring a smile out of it, strained as it is. “Yeah. S’long as it’s not me carrying you.”

“Course not.” And Telly wants to kiss it so badly, chaste and on the cheek like they’re a couple, as if they’d even talked about it (instead of talking around it, glanced but never maintained that kind of eye contact).

Telly always forgets that West is heavier than it looks -- lanky, yes, not as built as it used to be when it was alive, but tall and not even that skinny -- but he always manages. Still be handy to have the elevator fucking work, but the council is for shit anyway, and the landlord’s a cunt, so Telly takes his time up the stairs to the top floor, with West half-snoozing against his back.

“Home at long frigging last.”

“Mmm.” West wiggles and hops off Telly’s back, opting to slump towards the settee, flopping face-down on it unceremoniously. “... Thanks, by the way,” it says, after turning its face to look at Telly as he turns the TV on to check the news. “For letting me just... get it all out.”

“Never a problem with me, mate.” Telly scoots West’s legs out of the way to sit down, before letting West lounge out properly. “I just...” Is there anything he can actually say? Will it help, or make things worse? “I just think that... with what you have now-- what we all have, no matter what-- is to try and make the best of it. With our friends, and... all that.”

He can’t help, now, but squirm a little under West’s gaze. It’s an indecipherable look, giving away nothing but perhaps cold judgement, like it’s weighing whether Télesphore is talking absolute shite or offering some genuine hopeful crumb. Could end with West kicking him in the head, calling him a moron, giving false platitudes like any old arsehole, fucking waste of time--

But it nudges him under the ribs, causing Telly to jump, ticklish. “That is true. Because I love you lot, you and Stel and Ezzie and everyone. I just... miss everyone I can’t talk to, now.” There’s more than West’s family and friends from when it was human, Telly knows, but it hardly ever talks about those years, only ever mentioning that yeah there were vampires under Augustus’ sireship, and nothing more.

Telly pats its leg, and West hums.

There’ll be more, later, either this evening or tomorrow morning, when West will apologise for ‘going on and on about it’, and Telly will assure it that he understands, in his way, and you can’t bottle it up all the time, that it has to come out. And West, well, it’s getting better, he likes to think; no longer denies that it feels and relives its grief, no longer avoiding its friends, and it’ll probably stop short of denying itself comfort. Small steps.

“You are right,” it says, startling Telly from the TV. “Just wanted to say I appreciate it, too, by the way. Because you lot are an absolute God-send, despite the... you know, the circumstances we’ve all -- well, you know -- been through.” And Telly does know; his life has been fairly comfortable, never been foisted upon so violently as everyone else with the lack of choice. “And I do...” West fiddles with its hands, almost shy now. “I do enjoy what I do now. It’s fun. I have you lot as friends, and it’s... lacking a more appropriate phrase, it’s a good life. With you.”

West pretends to watch the TV now, falling quiet, and pulls their legs off Telly’s lap. There’s a selfish little thing in the pit of Telly’s stomach that wants to push for something.

“I feel the same. It’s a good life-- with you.”

Western almost glances at him. Almost.

#my writing #oc: western slate #oc: télesphore pelletier #this is. something.#suicide ideation tw #<- actually contained to a Single paragraph at least but it's. There #also i was Struggling to end this satisfactorily @_@ augh #feels like it leans too heavily on some aspect at the end but alas its bedtime

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unhingedselfships · 10 months

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I was advised to slap this under a cut, jic so

CW : Explicit language? But nothing happens so.

Kimi was being… weird.

She’d talked him into doing the whole absinthe production with her, fancy decanter, cold water drip, the works. And while he’d acted annoyed and put out by it, he really didn’t mind at all.

He kept her drinks light, didn’t want her passing out on him immediately, so he’d diluted her glasses heavily.

But she was still being… odd.

She couldn’t be that drunk already could she?

He’d catch her looking at him, and diverting her gaze as soon as she noticed.

The flush could be attributed to the alcohol, but not the way it would flare worse when she glanced at him.

What had gotten into her?

Eventually, his patience ran out, and he snapped.

Grabbing hold of her chin, and forcing her to look at him, he demanded, “What, exactly, is your problem?”

She squeaked at him, eyes wide, and she looked on the verge of panic before blurting, “I just really wanna give you head.”

It was barely a beat of silence, as he tried to process that, before she continued babbling.

“You told me to stop helping you, and start pleasing you, and I know it's not what you meant at all, but I can’t stop thinking about it. And that’s so stupid and selfish, because it wouldn’t really be for you at all, ‘cause, yanno, you don’t even want it but-” she swallowed, “But I just can’t- I can’t stop thinking about it, about being so completely at your service, the way you’d look above me, the view from between your knees- I just want to make you feel good, so bad, and holy shit I need to stop talking, what is wrong with me?!”

She was bordering on hysterical and his grip had loosened enough that she was successful when she tried to pull away.

She snatched his drink and chugged it down, grimacing.

“... that wasn’t diluted like, at all, was it?”

He laughed at her, before cupping her jaw, running a thumb over her lower lip.

"Aww, poor Kimi, you must be suffering so terribly."

The playful, mocking glint in his eyes, and smirk tugging at his mouth, should have irritated her more.

Why did she like it so much instead?

"You're a very cruel man, Kadokura Kenshi."

He laughed harder.

The alcohol started to really hit her, and she swayed, much to his amusement.

She was completely out within twenty minutes.

Then he shot off a text to Daigo.

: Would you fuck your wife so she’ll leave me alone

: …. I don’t want to know

: That isn’t a yes, Daigo-chan : Kadokura-san please

#yakkimi #kadokura-verse 2.0 #drabble #one shot #majimemegoro

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seroquelled · 10 months

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recurring dreams masterpost

warning ROUGH stuff but we stay silly

2012- 2013 | frequency approx 3-4 times monthly tapering to once everh couple months over the course of a year

being in london (sherlock phase..... christ alive) walking along the river eventually making it to a bridge and nearly being hit by multiple cars but everu time i should be its like they clip through me. v cold v windy. crawling my way up the metal of the arches somehow n making it allcthe way to the top. sitting up there bullet - hollywood undead style eventually helicopters show up ?? cops below n shit yelling at me and i jump every time but when i do its like im falling in super slow motion like the air is holding me up and get so frustrated because all i want to do is hit the water . i wake up before i make it down every time

this one is the roughest cw infant death , csa jic

2016 - current | like once every few months in 2016, big gap in 2017, once or twice in 2018, maybe once a year if that 2019-2020, constantly for like three months in a row early 2021, barely at all 2022, and then recently twice at the beginning of this year

this ones at least a little different most times with some outlier variants. the consistencies are that im always in a big line of people sort of like an airport crossed w a museum but the room is huge and empty with a corridor at the end that the line disappears into and snakes away into a maze like hallways where i can never see the end. im between the ages of 4-6 in a group of adults i dont recognize, one of which has a stroller w an infant, nobody is speaking but the baby is babbling and im feeling very impatient but i dont say anything. stand there for what feels like forever and without saying anything the adult w the stroller undresses and starts sodomizing the infant and i stand there and cant do anything. eventtually i realize i have to do something and i run away and try to get the attention of the people in the line in front of me, moving from group to group but im crying so much i cant explain whats happening but i dont understand why nobody is doing anything. this is basically it. there are other versions where i go back and everyone is gone and the baby is dead or i go back and am screamed at and beaten for running away (but not for saying anything i guess? because i couldnt) but sometimes i dont go back at all and it just ends

2015, 2020 | ive only had this one a handful of times total, mostly in 2015 but then a couple times after i told isaac abt it and havent had it since

im at a massive outdoor rave/party w many stages, its mostly open grass but with some areas of concrete and the lit areas are primarily around the concrete brick bathrooms. no idea who i went there with but i know it was with a big group of older people and that im no older than 15 in the dream. i wander away and am having a nice time weaving through groups of people away from the stages where i can hear music in the background. lots of trash everywhere, blankets crumpled up where people have left them or are sitting on them drinking. picking up half drank or empty beer cans getting drunk on the dregs. being mad that i cant find any drugs to do and that people wont give me any. at some point i realize im being followed and that turns into being chased and it gets increasingly more difficult not to trip over people on the ground and everyone is annoyed that im trying to get around them. get caught behind one of the bathrooms and pushed onto the dead grass, punched in the face and i can tell my nose is bleeding bc i can taste it, the guy chasing me pulls my pants off and one of the people standing around watching takes them. at this point my perspective switches from mine to my assailant and i watch him rape me and then drag me over to the bathroom sidewalk/area thing and bash my head against the concrete 😵‍💫😬 sheesh!

t.b.c someday when i remember the other ones better

edit: these are also all dreams that i wrote in my dream journal assigned to me by my psychology professor out of spite bc i was like i dont want to write my dreams they suck and she was like Well You Have To and when i turned it in after like 3 weeks of being late she just wrote 'Yikes! :(' in the margins LMFAO

#re #n

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