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accessories-not-included · 1 year

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I have deep-rooted trauma that I've lived with since childhood. Recently I have been faced with ongoing abuse by my parents who are diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)... (among other things). Being a people pleaser, this is not a new battle for me. Nor do I think it has been a new battle for many other people with trauma. But what the abusers don't know is that we've had the power all along. This is the letter I wrote to my abusers. I hope it could empower and provide hope to anyone else faced with trauma:

To my abusers,

You know who you are.

I'm sorry for your lack of empathy and your struggle to survive the purgatory that you've built for yourselves. I'm sorry too that you chose me to fill the voids in your lives. But I'm not sorry for failing your plans.

You all say that I am a disappointment. That I'm a waste of time and fail at becoming who you expected me to be.

Yet it's this failure… the failure to fulfill each relentless demand and to fill the shoes of all the perfect personas that were created to mask my identity. This failure has been my best achievement. The pain I endured to fill each of your bottomless pits revealed the most important parts of me. I've suffered the beatings, the verbal thrashings, the enslavement, the eggshells, the condescension, the thefts of my dignity… all because I believed in each and every one of you. You have each taught me that there is more than one type of trauma. You speak of betrayal and pain yet I see that you are blind to the truth of your words. Because it is not you who suffers at the hands of evil. You were the monsters all along.

Yet even within cowardly monsters like you, I still believed your hearts were there. I believed that they were treasured commodities that could only be relinquished to those who were worthy. Such a prize was like finding Princess Peach waiting in a castle guarded by Dragons. Just past the rubble of past burdens and through the sea of daunting decisions. I believed if I kept pushing, slaying Dragons, and kept peeling at the layers, I could reveal parts of all of you that could love me.

Yeah, I was trying to turn peanut butter into a diamond, and was met with a series of disappointments and broken dreams. Yes my reality was clouded, but I tried to see past the fog because unlike the other reindeer, my heart truly glows. I just happen to have a heart that glows too much for people like you to handle.

Looking back now, I realize that it has been both a blessing and a curse to have so much capacity for devotion. But this is part of me that you couldn't break.

This truth above all reins clear: I am my ancestors' savage spawn. You can either take me as I am or set me free.

There's a wildfire within me that has the capacity to spread further than you ever imagined. I'm just sorry that you spent so much wasted effort in trying to put it out. I am no longer your pack mule. The weight of your choices has been too heavy to carry and I must outrun the fire before I'm trapped in its ashes like you. There's too much that I want and need to be and I can't hold back the fire any longer.

I deserve the right to return to the sun, unfold my wings battered from battles-past. Then reflect in the sun's rays that reflect off of my wings so that I may shine as I was always meant to.

It's time for all of you to understand that some people are too cold to ever find comfort in another's warmth.

So as I collect my broken pieces of my past self, I may not know where they belong anymore. They're jagged and shared. In a way they still feel familiar when I brush along their edges and feel their pain. These Accessories that once built my identity and now rest forever as broken pieces. These pieces are proof that the pain was real. That all of the trauma that I was put through wasn't imagined. This pain leaves impressions that will forever scar my soul.

But these shards are in my hands now. They will never be taken away again.

Love,

Accessories-Not-Included

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unforth · 3 years

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Random 4 am thought, people who hate a character and therefore every iteration of that character without any possibility of forgiveness to such an extent that they also hate everyone who likes that character have zero understanding of nature vs nurture and sub-zero recognition that the deeds they find unforgivable happened in part because of the circumstances that shaped that character and that therefore changing the circumstances around them can change their outcome and that people exploring that doesn't make them as evil as the character because the character was never inherently evil because no one is inherently evil (and even if they were liking them and writing about them would STILL be okay but go off I guess) and yes this is a horrible run on sentence and no I don't care.

Which is to say, anti-character-ism is another form of absolutism/Calvinism/pre-destination and therefore is yet another example of white American Christian fundamentalism in an ugly "progressive" hat. It's not woke to say that, idk, Xue Yang can't be redeemed. It's actually saying that no matter his circumstances - even if we plop him into the fluffiest modern coffee shop au - he'd still have been evil. This is the same argument that's used to fight against social change and welfare programs and the like - that's it NOT circumstances that caused Those People to fail, it's inherent to their nature and that programs to help them just enable their inner laziness/wrongness/deficiency/unworthiness/criminality/what-have-you - so to see it parroted and deployed against fictional characters by people who think they're progressive is fricken wild. Defund the police and support social programs to improve the world but don't you dare ship Xuexiao...what? Why the fuck not?? Circumstances affect how people develop. We know that about the real world - we know that if we improve a person's upbringing with better supports, access to education and services, getting them enough money to live, etc., they will have better outcomes...so for fuck's sake let people explore it in fiction! Yes, even with that character you hated who did utterly awful things in canon. Why the fuck not?

I actually squick to Xuexiao but who the fuck cares I can still recognize that Xue Yang is how he is due to a lack of support for orphaned children that left him alone and starving on the streets! And we could plug just about any other evil character into this post and the meaning would be the same...I actually originally wrote this using Ben Solo and Reylo but then I got worried that people would accuse me of being a white supremacist for even daring to defend him or suggest that even people we find morally reprehensible in the real world are ALSO a product of their fucked up upbringings and ALSO could be different if they grew up in better circumstances but I decided I didn't want to go there except I'm mentioning it here so I guess I am going there but before you come at me for it please think long and hard about accusing a queer Jewish woman of being a white supremacist because I can hate them with all my being and still acknowledge that they are a product of a broken system and are still inherently people who could have been kind and open and understanding if they hadn't marinated in hate. To say even the worst person in the world is inherently evil is to deny all the people who shared their traits and DIDN'T become douche bags their own strength in overcoming. No one is inherently bad - not real people, and certainly not fictional ones, who are literally made up and can be whatever we want them to be.

(And don't even get me started on how ableist this absolutist attitude is, because at least with Xue Yang I've seen it blamed on him having a mental illness and therefore he'd always be a sociopath/npd/whatever arm-chair diagnosis the asshole anti wants to villainize and...fuck you having any mental illness doesn't make anyone inherently anything and thinking it does is repulsive.).

I just really wish people would think through their shit and recognize their inconsistency and hypocrisy.

#unforth rambles #apparently todays mood is salty #i blame waking up at 330 am #also this was actually triggered by a post about jin guangyao #and not even a mean one #i just got to thinking why are jin guangyao antis like that #and i ended up here #definitely salty today

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chemicalpink · 5 years

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Bonding(M)♡ Park Jimin

Pairing: Stripper!Jimin x Dom!Reader

Genre: Smutttt , Steamy(ish), Stripper!AU, College!AU

Summary: in which Jimin is known (and fawned over) for being a stripper, whereas the reader is secretly working as a dominatrix for both money and research on her psych major, until Jimin discovers her and asks her for a favour in return to not spreading her secret.

Word Count: almost 3k

Warnings: honestly… some dom on dom action and a bit of plot if you look closely

A/N: It started with a kinda ehhh plot, got lost in the middle, ended up being smut af, and the end… i just idk I kinda want to make a fluffy part 2 if you like this mess. Also, please bear with me, I just recently got into a fandom again after 5 years on hiatus. K love u. Oh! and requests are always open!

You can read Part II here!

“I heard that just by looking at you once, she has you all hardened” some guy gushed over to his friend in a quiet voice

“But nobody has really seen her face” another voice joined as you rushed by to get to your Behavioural Analysis class. 214...214….This was the third time you were late to class, work has just been too much lately, not that you were complaining, money-wise it was great, the word was getting around pretty fast, and research was just as good but sometimes you wondered if it was really worth the sweat dripping down your back as you ran from the bus station to get to class.

The door made a creaking noise and you flinched a little as you took a seat at the back of the room, next to a platinum-haired boy you, unfortunately, knew too well.

“Miss (Y/N)” the whole room seemed to turn to look at you as the professor acknowledge your presence and you felt your heart skip a beat, anticipating the worst “Its the third time this week that you try to sneak into my lecture” you wouldn’t normally care about some man’s piercing eyes towards you, it was actually a part of your job to step over that type of confidence, but this was just… not your stage, you turned to look down, his gaze somehow becoming overpowering

“I overslept. My apologies” a stifled giggle made its way from your left side and you felt the sudden urge to roll your eyes at who it belonged to… Park Jimin. It’s not that you hated him. You just hated the fact that of all places, you had to coexist with him in the same class, same campus, the same era in time.

You really weren’t sure what evil you had done that the universe just seemed to get you back ten times stronger. Having to share a classroom with Jimin was bad enough already, he seemed to make your inside bubble every time he talked, but when the professor asked for you and him to be involved in a differential, it just had to be a payback for always arriving late. You were 99% sure at any time you would implode. The case was pretty simple tho, Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Which seemed to fit perfectly to your classmate, so you thought about playing your cards in front of everyone, maybe if you were that someone that just shook their little brains, they would finally comprehend they were praising an egocentric little bitch.

You could feel Jimin’s eyes waiting for you expectantly as soon as the teacher called out your name “Well NPD would pretty much sum it all up” and there it was, the same stifled giggle from before

“Childhood trauma would also do it, Y/N” his tone was teasing you, and you knew better than to get involved but it was just not your day, your whole body turned towards him and a teasing smiled crept its way to your face

“I thought you would know better, Jimin” his eyes squinted at you “Exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, and a lack of empathy toward other people… sounds a lot like you” the whole class seemed to quiet down as you said it. No one had ever dared to talk to THE Park Jimin that way… not with his status on campus.

“Should I keep going?” you felt your heart beating faster as you tried to keep up with his eyes-that were glued on you as he clicked his tongue and bowed his head as if asking you to proceed “Self-perception of being unique, superior, and associated with high-status people, Sense of entitlement to special treatment and to obedience from others-”

“And that would be it for today, you are dismissed” your eyes were still locked with Jimin’s as everyone gathered their things, you heart not slowing down and a boiling feeling within you, much to your surprise, Jimin was the first one to break eye contact, getting ready to stand up and leave the classroom, his right hand was already pushing the door open when he turned around to face you, still packing up your things.

“You know, Y/N, it's so brave of you to talk that way taking into account what you do for a living” you felt your heart rate quicken and you began to breathe rapidly. He-no. he couldn’t. Could he? No.

“I don’t know what you are talking about” “Sure you don’t” stop the overthinking Y/N. He doesn’t know. No one knows.

“So tell me… where should I pick you up if ...you know, I want your services” you could swear your heart stopped beating for a second just before the boiling sensation of rage took over and venomously spatted “I’m not like you” he chuckled

“Of course not, kitten. I dance for a living. You make people cum” something took over you as the last word left his mouth.

That side you didn’t use except for work, just happened to overdrive your body and within seconds you had THE Park Jimin pined against a wall. Yes, the same guy that was way too famous for making all the girls swoon over him during Friday nights after class, in a small strip club just outside campus. The Park Jimin was an overly famed dom and took pride in it.

And you- well you had your fair share of fame, but in a legend, almost mystic type of way. No one was supposed to know you were the famous dominatrix that attended every. single. need from the people visiting her small studio-like office, a few blocks away from where the boy danced his life away.

“So I guess its true then” he smiled that teasing smile of his, and you would be lying if you said it didn’t make your knees just a little bit weak “you do make any guy harden at your touch” you let your hand fall from his chest and quickly turned away as you tried to steady your breath

“Listen… no one can know about this” he smirked as his eyes somewhat darkened. You knew this look. You would have to pay the price of his silence

“Just tell me already how much its gonna cost, you perv” your tone was kind of desperate as you stole a glimpse of the classroom’s clock and realised that you were already late for work. “a hundred? I’ll get them by the end of the week”

“Actually” he paused as he looked at you as if something seemed funny to him about this whole situation “Social service will do this time. I’ll stop by your dorm tonight” you slowly felt whatever it was that possessed you a while ago. Rage? Indignation? Both? Whatever it meant that he would stop by your dorm, you weren’t having it.

“I have work tonight”

“So do I” so… there really was no way around it

“Listen, money is no problem Jimin”

“I know. But unless you’d like the whole campus to know who our beloved and mysterious dominatrix is… I’ll see you… let’s say, 2 am?” he bit his lip as he exited the room. Not giving you a chance to even consider manipulating him into getting your way, which was indeed, your speciality.

The thing was, between attending evening classes, late-night work, homework and maintaining a somewhat normal social life, Jimin stopping by to whatever he meant by ‘social service’ meant you’d have to cram your studying time.

Work went by pretty quickly. And you couldn’t help but keep on wondering what was waiting for you with Jimin. It wasn’t that you were ashamed of what you did for a living… but it would lose its spark if people knew who you were.

Your head started to ache as you started getting ready to leave. It was already 1:30 am, which meant that it would take you around 20 minutes to get to your dorm and hopefully have enough time to change out of the red kinky thigh-high leather boots your work required that day.

But boy were you one to get the times wrong.

As you entered the hall of the unit, your eyes fell on a very glittery Jimin sitting on the floor outside your studio, unbuttoned black shirt and phone in hand.

You walked up to him, exhaling loudly as an attempt to calm yourself down. You nudged his side with the tip of your boots. He looked up.

“I was about to call you, but then I realised that I didn’t have your number” great. so he was an asshole and also had lame pick up lines. You really wondered how exactly did he have so many girls falling for him

“And you’re not getting it” you opened the door and motioned for him to enter “Come on in, and may I ask, how exactly you got into the girl’s unit?”

“Ah… little Y/N. I can get any girl to do whatever it is that I please” you closed your eyes as another wave of pain hit you

“Yeah… you stay here. I’ll just go grab an aspirin” the dorm wasn’t big, as a matter of fact, your bed was just a few steps from the ‘living room’ where you left Jimin, but it did what it promised, let you crash.

You could have sworn you were gone less than a minute before encountering a semi-naked Jimin propped up on your bed, striking what he might have thought of as a sexy pose, patting the bed by his front side for you to sit “Okay. I’m done. Get out”

He sat up “No, wait. I really need this. And you too, Y/N” he smiled at you, but not that smirk you had been used to seeing, the smile that radiated confidence and ego but one that almost seemed friendly, one that made him look innocent, cute, dare you say it.

“A favour for a favour. As classmates that do kind of the same for a living” You grabbed the chair from your desk and sat in it, crossing your arms. Willing to put on a fight for as long as it benefited you

“Fine. Be quick”

“I’m just asking for a few minutes of your night, once a week. I need help with my show. And who knows? you might end up liking it” and there it was, every ounce of liking towards him that he built with the friendly smile and appealing to the sentiment of belonging to the same team. Gone

“No way”

“Fine. Then just be ready for your little secret to come out” Was it really worth it? He did say, just a few minutes every week. But the thought of having Jimin over, dancing and doing who know what in your dorm, was unbearable. Then again, he did say he needed it.

“Just a few minutes every week?”

“Yeah”

“Fine then stop by tomorrow. Same time” he smiled brightly at you “Now get lost. I need sleep”

What happened the next night though, nothing could have prepared you for it. Your assistant told you you had a new client coming, so as per usual, you were ready to test him out from simple to more complex things. You heard the door closing as some footsteps approached the bed behind you

“Just stay there. I’ll be with you in a second”

“God. those bunny ears really do suit you, Y/N” you could have sworn that your heart skipped a beat as you felt heat building up inside you, from rage. But this was somewhat to your advantage, he had just stepped in the lion’s den and had no idea

“I thought we agreed on meeting in my dorm” you said as you walked up to the bed, taking a seat behind him, with his back between your thighs

“I thought this might be more fun” of course he was more than excited to play this game, but you weren’t going to let him win.

Something flashed in his eyes. Something you have become very familiar with. Lust. And then Jimin pushes you against the wall, his fingers laced with yours, your back against the cold wall that held all of your work tools. And you saw what he was going for. Tying you up. But you were having none of it. In a matter of seconds, it was him pressed against the wall, his eyes reflecting the pink led lights from the room. You held tightly on his crotch as he tried to gain dominance over you, keeping him in his place. He just smirks.

You stay there for a moment, him locked under you, and the two of you stare at each other like you’re waiting for someone to make a move. A stalemate. And then you can’t tell who breaks it first, but somehow your lips collide in a hungry, urgent kiss. He kisses you deep, hungrily, desperately, like he wants to consume you whole. As you let your firm grip go, his touch is rough, his fingers grip so tight against your hip that it hurts, and the pain just spurs on the arousal beginning to pool in your belly.

Jimin bites your lower lip as he pulls away, his eyes scanning over your face. The room felt silent, steamy like the bright lights were invited you two to step it up, taunting you to take it forward. Your breath hisses in involuntarily as you look down at the bulge in his pants, your eyes flitting back up to Jimin’s face. He has a cocky calm look on his face, and it occurs to you that you had never expected Park Jimin the stripper to be like this.

For a moment you consider stopping, standing up and strolling out. This is a bad idea, the rational side of your brain chides. He’s… himself, the single-cell brained asshole that always sits beside you in class, the self-centred stripper Park Jimin, this is so wrong. But when you look into Jimin’s dark eyes and see the way he licks his lip while staring you up and down, the confidence that emanates from him. And all reason flies out of your head. You want him.

“C’mon spread those legs for me” he whispers to your ear and you can feel his hot breath tickling your neck. He knows what he’s doing. He knows what to say. Saying it without cockiness or nastiness but stating it firmly and calmly… sweet God.

But this is a game you are not allowing yourself to lose. The hand you have been keeping on his crotch rapidly makes its way into his pants, stroking him over his underwear. He lets out a suppressed grunt and the sound makes you smile.

Your smile widens when you stop stroking and grab him full in your hand and feel his thighs stiffen. Somehow his lips find their way to your neck, placing you in his previous stand, bot of your bottoms soon discarded, as he held both of your hands behind you, you felt a warmness near your pussy, followed by his voice.

“Tell me how much you want it”

“I don’t beg” everything that had gone thorough between you two in the past few minutes was better than anything you could have imagined. But the way he seemed so bothered by you not sticking to his dominant side’s orders just made you even wetter and weak in the knees.

And then Jimin slides inside of you.

The last thing you see before closing your eyes and succumbing into pure please was Jimin’s jaw clenching, his platinum hair all messed up. He takes it slow, likely on purpose, and you let out a cry at the feeling. His cock is thicker than what you’re used to, and it stretches you out. It’s been such a long time since you’ve had sex, and when you did have time in the past, it was always rushed. You, dominantly riding a guy until you had a quick, mildly satisfying orgasm. But it was never this – dominated, teased, sprawled under a man with plump lips and a silky smooth voice.

When he’s finally all the way inside of you, you release a long breath that you didn’t even know you’d been holding in. You hear Jimin let out a stuttering breath, the two of you are still for a moment, just feeling one another, you exchange silent glances to which you weren’t quite sure the meaning of and then Jimin starts to thrust.

He is fucking into you hard, his pace steady and at just the right speed to have you crying out his name while shutting your eyes and drawing your nails into his back for balance, or maybe just to somehow be able to feel him closer. The blood is rushing to your face and you’re slightly dizzy from the mask you have on but all you can feel is him, the loud slap of skin resonating between the four walls of the small room as he slams into you.

You can hear the vocalizations he makes with every thrust, grunts, growls, and then small soft mewls as he arches upwards and hits you at different angles. Each push of his cock leaves you a writhing mess beneath him. Just as you feel an unavoidable heat forming in the lower part of your belly, he stops. He completely stops. Steals one last glance at you, adding his signature smirk after pulling his pants on and leaves you there. All worked up against the wall, your mouth hanging open as he walks out. If you didn’t hate Park Jimin before, you were sure as hell you did now.

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inanawesomewave · 5 years

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PUT AN END TO TOXIC EMPATH CULTURE

I am in a few groups on facebook for cluster b personality disorders. Some of them are exclusively for paths (socio-, psycho-), some of them are for people of all cluster b, and one of them is for people who have these disorders, and it’s also a place where people can go for advice on the people in their lives with these disorders. More often than not people will come into this group and immediately rant about their “narcopath” husband (tip: psychopathy encompasses narcissistic personality disorder just as well as it does antisocial, read a book and stop inventing monster words). They’ll start out innocent: “I accidentally looked at my husband’s phone and saw he’s been texting other girls”, or “I just had to go into my husband’s pocket for a breath mint and accidentally found a receipt for a restaurant I didn’t go to with him”. First red flag for me: they immediately tell a lie. They come to a cluster b group to talk about how they’ve been damaged by a disordered personality, and they begin with a lie. We know that, idiots. We lie all the time, and we cheat, and we steal. And we confront them. And you know what they do? They say, “you’re just a filthy fucking narc, aren’t you”. And weirdly, that specific phrase comes up a lot, “filthy fucking narc”, almost like it’s a sobriquet that’s been encouraged somewhere, in some kind of large online community, something it’s acceptable to say to survivors of abuse and trauma that don’t behave in exactly the way you would like them to, despite your best efforts to spy on them and keep them down at heel. But that’s a different thing for a different rant for a different time. We sometimes get mothers coming into the group to talk about how they’re at their wits end with their antisocial personality disordered children, how the antisocial child has cut contact with them and the exasperated parent doesn’t understand why. One of us will suggest that ASPD rarely crops up without being coaxed out by abuse and trauma, and suddenly this hand-wringing, worried parent will start shouting and kicking off. They’ll call us “filthy fucking narcs”. Another thing we get is people with borderline personality disorder (and if you think I have a needless axe to grind, please continue reading before losing your goddamn mind about this) coming in to talk about the fact they are inexplicably drawn to “narcs” and “paths”, and that this is the fault of narcs and paths, that we are drawing them in and hurting them. They tell us that they’ve suffered abuse and we wouldn’t understand, they tell us that they are hurting and we wouldn’t understand. Then we tell them that the rate of childhood abuse and trauma is just as high amongst antisocial and narcissistic personality disorders as it is with borderline. And then they’ll react by telling us they feel triggered and attacked. Ostensibly, they’ll call us “filthy fucking narcs”. More often than not, they’ll refer to themselves as an EMPATH. Just like the estranged mother is an empath, just like the obsessive wife is an empath. Because borderlines are empaths, right? That’s where we’ve gone wrong. Borderlines have reduced empathy. You don’t like that, but it’s true. Let’s talk about why you don’t like that. If you have BPD and you’re reading this and you don’t like that, ask yourself why. Because I know why. The reason you don’t like hearing that one of your diagnostic criteria is a lack of empathy, something your therapist knows about you, something your psychiatrist knows about you, something all your family and friends know about you, is because you hear “empath” and you hear “good person”. You hear “narcissist/sociopath/psychopath” and you think “bad person”. You believe the only difference between good and evil is empathy, and therefore you believe that anything you do can be easily absolved by you insisting that you have empathy, a surfeit of it, in fact. You can do whatever to whomever and whyever you want, but if you can put your hand on your heart and the end of the day and stare that person you hurt in the eye and feel their pain as they feel it, as you inflicted it, then all’s well that ends well. And I have never heard so much fucking bullshit in my entire life. And the reason I’m writing this is because today in the aforementioned group, a woman with borderline personality disorder told a lie to the group that her ex husband had paid several men to harass and stalk her. After some questioning she admitted that this probably wasn’t true, but that she’d felt like it was probably true, and because she has BPD, she feels things before she can cognitively conceive of them, so she’s prone to whipping herself up into a frenzy. But it’s fine, she said, because she has BPD, and has been abused, and has been raped, and she has empathy. It’s fine she can implicate a serious crime that never happened, because she’s sorry she did that. She’s sorry she felt that way but it wasn’t her fault. You know what else she said? She said, to someone who had called her out on her shit (non aggressively), “I’ve been raped, but a narcopath like you wouldn’t be affected by something like that”. Can we just sit on that for a second, please? We are rape survivors and survivors of prolonged abuse and trauma. But you think it’s fine and empathic of you to tell us that we didn’t care about it? That it didn’t hurt us? Think again, empath. Toxic empath culture is using your naturally occurring empathy to oppress and abuse other people. Yes, I know you have empathy but guess what! You can also be abusive. The thing about toxic empathy culture is believing whole heartedly that your empathy is what separates you from the herd, that your empathy is so unbelievably special, that you have a gift. And an interesting thing happens when you think that your empathy is a magical gift - you see what you perceive to be a lack of it EVERYWHERE. You have become so subsumed and enamoured by your own empathy that you believe nobody must have empathy the way that you do, and therefore, what do we call people with a lack of empathy? We call then narcs and paths. We call them filthy little fucking narcs. And we can do whatever the fuck we want to them, right? Because they have no empathy. Not like you though. You’re special. And sometimes I get heat on this blog for singling out BPD but you know what? It’s pertinent. How many times have I see articles explaining BPD as some damaged, fragile gift of broken empathy that is given to victims of abuse? That it’s not rage or hostility or abuse, it’s a storm? It’s gorgeous fragility? It’s complicated, she’s mixed up. We never get to hear that they have a lack of empathy though, that’s the big secret. Because borderlines have a lack of cognitive empathy, they can feel it, but they can’t understand it. Antisocials et all are the other way around. What does this mean? It means someone with BPD will feel your negative emotion but won’t understand how to talk to you about it, or ask you how you are, or interpret it. But they’ll feel it. So maybe if you’re in a bad place they’ll get into a bad place too, but their lack of cognition will prevent them from thinking to ask you what’s wrong, or how they can help you. You’ll have to help them instead. And that’s not their fault, there’s a reason their empathy broke down and they have a genuine lack here, it’s nothing they can help. So why can’t we see antisocials and narcissists with this level of clarity, and sympathy? Because if an antisocial sees someone they care about suffering, they won’t feel it, they won’t adopt it, but they can cognitively understand that your mood has changed and you need something fixing. You know, for all the evil that apparently exists in narcissists and sociopaths, I know what I’d prefer. And it’s so funny really, because in these “survivor communities”, everything has to be forced into the boxes of psychopathy and narcissism. Any bad behaviour gets pigeon-holed into these two categories. Even if someone says “my husband has a diagnosis of BPD” or “my wife has a diagnosis of OCD”, everyone will say “google NPD hun they might have VULNERABLE NARCISSISM”, “they might be a COVERT PSYCHOPATH”. Because if they can’t find the answers they need in the DSM-V, they’ll invent categories. Do anything it takes to excuse any and all bad behaviour as being part of these two schools of evil, because they cannot begin to accept that anyone else can do anything bad, because if they accepted that, they’d have to accept that they too are sometimes bad. And there’s a reason this gets me so angry. It’s not just that some people need the monopoly on pain and distress, teaching people that victimhood can only ever be messy, bloody, stormy, emotional, anxious, dramatic and LOUD, and that because of this, everyone ignores the fact that some victims of abuse end up with different personality disorders and become withdrawn, cold, remorseless, angry and manipulative because they don’t know how to function in a world that they’ve only ever known as cold and hard and something you need to survive through by any means necessary. It’s not even that things like suicidality is now only ever taken seriously if someone is yelling I AM GOING TO KILL MYSELF all the time, despite the fact that most people who end their lives leave no clue whatsoever, don’t tell anyone and even seem happier before they do it, and it’s not even that because of this skewed vision of what suffering looks like, millions of people go ahead killing themselves unnoticed because they weren’t screaming their intent and therefore we are trained to believe they’re not victims. What really fucking ticks me off is the dehumanisation. You’re an empath until you meet a narcissist or a sociopath or a psychopath aren’t you? But the second you meet one, or think you’ve met one, you get to do that thing that everyone wants to do - you get to become a psychopath, because you know deep down in your heart of hearts that nArCoPaThS are trying to hurt you and harm you constantly, that they can whiff you out in a crowded room and spend their lives trying to harm you, because you’re such delicious and precious bait. So what you do, before they can come at you and hurt you (even if it never happened! Even if you just think it happened which is the same, right? It’s okay to think that, right? You’ve been hurt, after all, and now you’ve got all this empathy just lying around and that’s hard for you), you hurt them first, but that’s not your fault, right? It’s a protective shield, yeah? It’s something you had to create to protect yourself from further harm isn’t it? Aw. Yeah. We don’t know what that’s like. We don’t know what it feels like to spend our lives accidentally creating maladaptive coping mechanisms that involve keeping others away from us. That’s you. You’re special. And when you do that, and you identify what you are because you read a Thought Catalog article about empaths and you really felt seen by the bit where it said that empaths are beautiful, strong, courageous, maybe psychic, and healers, and you thought that was probably you because you’re definitely not a narcissist, then it doesn’t matter about everyone else, does it? Because you’re an empath. Hell. You’re a God. And NOT a narcissist, they just THINK they’re special but you really are, aren’t you! And so, with your great gift of empathy your first move is to push the baddies away. Because you know deep down, don’t you, that narcopaths got that way because we wanted to be. You know that even though we also kill ourselves at very high rates, we were only doing that to fuck with you, and the trauma of losing us is actually your greater trauma and that’s how we get to fuck you over one last time. You know that when we tell you we were raped and assaulted and abused and beaten repeatedly, that we’re just saying it to hurt specifically you, because you need to keep your guard up, because you’re special. And if we are telling the truth, which would make sense when you look at the statistics which you haven’t because science is for losers and you’ve just got a hunch which means so much more than empirical research, you know that the truth to them is a labyrinthine maze of potential manipulation. You read in Psychology Today that we can only ever lie and we don’t know how to feel things. I mean there’s no evidence to support that, just like there’s no evidence whatsoever that we have a cold dead stare or that we jerk off to snuff films, but you had that hunch, didn’t you. And this dehumanisation is part of empath culture. Empath culture exists to dehumanise and demean and retraumatise narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths, and it needs to stop. Because I’m not out here pretending to have empathy, but you are. So when I sit here and earnestly hope that you get everything that’s coming to you and maybe I’d like to be a part of that, I’m not lying. When you sit here and tell me that your empathy is a rare gift and that all the men you’ve dated were all narcissists and that your best friend is probably a psychopath and that you’ve never hurt anyone in your life because you’re an earth goddess, you’re lying. But you don’t even know you’re lying, because the lie has now got so big that everyone’s getting themselves involved. And this is why toxic empath culture needs to come to a close. It’s making narcissists out of everyone, and apparently, that’s the worst thing in the world. Empaths go fuck yourselves.

#empathy #empaths #abuse #healing #trauma #sociopathy #psychopath #psychopathy #narcissistic personality disorder #narcissism #antisocial personality disorder #borderline personality disorder

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kingofthewilderwest · 6 years

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I was surprised that you didn't mention Viggo in your mental illness analysis. I've always thought that he seemed like a high functioning psychopath, perhaps an example of the Dark Triad (psychopathy, Machiavellianism and narcissism). He is ruthlessly cruel to dragons, infects people for profit without remorse, and has a henchman executed in his first appearance. He also seems to have lacked genuine affection for his own brother. Like Dagur, I found his redemption unrealistic.

From this post.

The post prompt did ask specifically for dragon riders, which is one reason I wasn’t putting Viggo on the radar, but I suppose I also interpret Viggo’s personality from a different angle than you do. While it is true that Viggo can be cruel to dragons (though not out of the norm for Barbaric Archipelago society!), can be very self-confident, and is interested in his profits, I also find Viggo to be someone who operates under a sense of gray morality rather than a psychologically diagnosable, consistent disregard to others. He especially isn’t someone I find who acts with something like Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) - it takes more than being greedy and putting oneself first to have NPD. There are so many neurotypical human beings in this world who act with both greed and disregard to certain populations (like non-human animals), and Viggo is someone I think who manifests a drive for profits - but not someone who has an excessively inflated sense of self-importance or an inhibition to comprehending others’ emotions.

I find Viggo a neurotypical individual, as with most of the villains in the How to Train Your Dragon franchise - Alvin the Treacherous is also someone who does horrible things without care to other individuals, Krogan has far less interest in other human lives, but that sort of treatment of other humans comes from many avenues, not per say personality disorders. What experiences we have in life and how we respond to them shape how callous or kind we are to people, and that’s what happens with Viggo. I mean, even siblings loathing each other is something that happens with far more frequency than the psychological conditions detailed in the DSM.

And in truth, beyond a discussion of mental ailments, I also don’t think that calling Viggo extremely callous and lacking remorse is a full picture of what his personality is. I see Viggo as a character who is willing to go into more “gray” zones than others with conscience do, but he’s also someone who doesn’t give up his conscience entirely. He even admits that as a kid he was someone who thought a lot more along idealistic virtues. So he’ll do brutal acts, yes, but needlessly brutal? Not as much. And the more time Viggo spends with Hiccup… the more we see instances of mercy.His very introduction sets the stage as someone who sees a gray zone of morals (rather than no conscience) and is willing to learn the techniques to win from anywhere he can. It’s through this sense of conscience, and this sense of learning techniques from whomever he can… that he comes to respect Hiccup. I think that his redemption was written in a realistic, gradual-growing manner.

Viggo’s redemption arc grows in two main fronts: his disenfranchisement with Krogan, and his growing respect of Hiccup.

Setting the Stage: Viggo and Ethics

In Viggo’s character introduction, we see how Viggo talks about the blur between society’s typical assessment of good and evil. He furthermore mentions something interesting - when he was a child, he wanted to be the “honorable Viking” himself.

Viggo: Maces and Talons. I began playing with my grandfather when I was just a boy. I always insisted upon being the honorable Viking chief. I could never understand how he bested me time and time again. For years I assumed his skill transcended mine.

When we are young, we’re often more idealistic, be it anything from dreaming how far we’ll succeed in life, to believing how people will (or should) act in difficult situations. Society can have a sense of an ideal “good” morality framework that makes you act like the honorable Viking in every circumstance, doing nothing that would be even the slightest bit morally gray. We learn that Viggo had that sense of conscience and idealistic good in him as a boy, a desire to be that honorable and morally upright being who never stepped into questionable mud.

But what Viggo learns in life - and which many of us do, honestly - is that moral choice isn’t so easily black and white. What actually is the right choice is more convoluted in context, circumstances, means, ends, goals, values, starting states, ending states… so many factors… that it’s sometimes legitimately hard to weigh all the pros and cons and make what you believe to be morally best. Do you do something some people would consider “sketchy” to reach the great, moral end goal? Or do you avoid getting that great moral salvation moment at the end because you cannot tolerate doing something “sketchy” at the start? Or do you just play it by whatever your conscience feels at the time? Deontology, teleology and utilitarian-type ethics, virtue theory… there’s a reason why philosophers have posited so many different frameworks by which to evaluate moral theory and to try to arrive at an understanding of what morality is. It’s because it’s tricky as fuck in the real world.

The way I see Viggo’s comment, he started with a pretty idealistic deontological framework as a boy. He believed that he could always do the right thing and that the means would always be just as pure as his ends. Deontology in moral philosophy is the belief that actions in and of themselves are good and bad, and that you can’t use any action to reach a greater goal at the end (the ends do not justify the means, essentially). But Viggo found out, through Maces and Talons, through the trials in life, that this maybe wasn’t the best way to approach life’s challenges. And indeed he continues on to say:

Viggo: But you see, in Maces and Talons, as in life, the line between good and evil is often unclear. Black and white can become gray so easily. What one soul considers evil another might consider righteous. The honorable chief who fails to see this is found to be the fool.

Viggo isn’t saying that any action is permissible. What he’s saying is that he’s moved from a deontology-based ethical framework to something more utilitarian. That is, he thinks the ends can justify the means. Sometimes you have to do something that might raise a few eyebrows in order to reach that better end result. That’s what he’s saying about “What one soul considers evil another might consider righteous.” Someone who is a deontologist would frown at a utilitarian individual’s course of actions, but both people legitimately believe they are doing the morally upright choice.

Now, I’m not saying that Viggo believes he’s always in the moral good. I don’t think he does. He knows he’s made moral mistakes and has crossed the line. But I also don’t think he’s saying, “Meh. All actions are okay. Nothing is evil!” Viggo is just saying that you’re naive if you’re going to try to act life as a deontologist. And that is indeed how we see him act throughout Race to the Edge. He’s not going to do something “sketchy” without remorse and reason, but he’s also going to take a few steps down the “gray path” that the strict deontologist wouldn’t.

This setting the stage is important to understanding Viggo’s character as he comes in contact with Hiccup. Hiccup is someone who still holds the ideals Viggo has discarded as unsatisfactory and incomplete. It’s one reason why Viggo might think Hiccup isn’t a threat at first. But as you watch Viggo develop, you realize… Hiccup’s ideals being the “honorable Viking chief” are going to hark to Viggo’s internal interests, too. And as Hiccup still manages to get things done without being played for a fool… Viggo’s respect in him will grow.

Viggo’s “Mercy”

Viggo has a sense of mercy for the people around him, too. It’s not readily available in his opening introduction - that’s a rather ominous and worrisome moment. However, it sets the stage for how he continues developing. We know Viggo is someone who once believed in being the “honorable Viking chief” - and now his introductory scene shows how he has removed himself from what he believes is a naive perspective.

When Viggo learns about the hunter who takes inventory without permission, he first holds a sword in front of the man. Many other villains in the HTTYD franchise would have been crueler to this man. But Viggo, instead, after terrifying the man by holding a sword to him, puts the sword away. He doesn’t punish the man, lets the man go away, and says, “We’re not animals.” His first appearance isn’t executing a henchman; it’s granting the henchman a second chance. The man, as he leaves Viggo’s tent, breathes out, “Oh, thank you, Viggo. Thank you.” Viggo is a harsh boss who is willing to do some scare tactics to get people to pay attention to him, but he isn’t going to kill someone for a minor infraction like that.

In fact, Heather, who’s used to seeing lots of barbaric people in the archipelago, is surprised to see Viggo’s mercy. He’s acting a lot kinder than many of the villains she’s come across before - including her brother.

Heather: You forgave that man. I wasn’t expecting that.Viggo: Forgiveness. Not exactly a sound business practice, now, is it?

Now, this isn’t the full story. You’re right. If you’ve been reading this far and are raising your eyebrows, that’s because you know we’re not done. This scene’s not as cute and clean as that. We hear the man screaming after he’s taken away. Clearly the man who thought he was forgiven wasn’t brought out free - he was punished. Clearly Viggo isn’t as forgiving as his first action makes him appear.

I personally am not convinced the man necessarily died. Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t, but since it’s a long, sustained scream that we hear in the distance… the man is likely to have survived. The man would have been suddenly punished, given how he was deceived, but a quick execution would have created a cut-off scream. Regardless, the end result of Viggo’s conversation with Heather isn’t the nice-sweet-mercy-thing we originally thought. He’s giving her an ominous threat about what could happen to her if she ends up being a traitor. She could get taken out before she even realizes that she’s being punished.

The reason I’m bringing this up is because it still sets the stage for Viggo’s perspective and growth throughout the show. Viggo might have punished this man in a creepy way - be it death or something less - but the concept of “We’re not animals” actually, interestingly enough, remains. Viggo is willing to do some dark, manipulative things - like trick this man into thinking he’s punishment-free, then enacting the punishment - and through it intimidating Heather - but he’s also someone who pays attention to the gray zone of morality… and we see that the more we interact with him.

Growing Tensions between Hunters and Riders

Hiccup starts as a toy to laugh at. But as the two interact increasingly more, Viggo finds that Hiccup should not be underestimated. This is the growth that happens between these two from Seasons 2-4.

So. For starters: Viggo doesn’t kill people when he doesn’t need to. He toys with Hiccup when they first meet, but he doesn’t kill the teen - even when he has the chance. This is true even in “Maces and Talons Part 2″ before Hiccup influences Viggo. We see from the start Viggo has the internal capacity to grant mercy.

At this point, Viggo finds Hiccup more of an amusing nuisance than anything else - not a threat to be extinguished. Viggo even thinks that Hiccup’s reputation plays the young man up more than he actually is. So, at this point, Viggo believes he doesn’t need to kill Hiccup - Hiccup hasn’t done anything to “merit” that. It’s enough for Viggo to show Hiccup that he’s more manipulative and powerful than the boy, and through that, hopefully dissuade the young dragon rider from interfering with his business dealings. Viggo manipulates, without killing, to toss Hiccup off his back before the boy can do any more mucking around with the dragon hunters.

Of course, Hiccup doesn’t get dissuaded. Hiccup decides to continue tackling on and disrupting dragon hunting trade. The kid Viggo initially considers to be an amusing non-problem turns into a real problem. Viggo becomes frustrated - the kid is interfering with his business! (His legitimate business, might I add. Everyone in the Barbaric Archipelago was hunting, fighting, or using dragons for trade goods. Viggo doesn’t necessarily beat dragons cruelly - he’s using them as wares like everyone else at the time). And so Viggo transitions from disregarding Hiccup to finding him an actual, annoying, frustrating pest.

Now Viggo needs to deal with Hiccup.

At first, Viggo thinks that he can deal with Hiccup and his increasingly meddlesome behavior by manipulating Hiccup - hence his “Defenders of the Wing” manipulation tactic. Hiccup can still be of use as he is. The kid’s fervor for protecting dragons can be used. But by Season 4 times, Hiccup has aggravated and tarnished enough of Viggo’s plans that he really needs to do something about Hiccup, and he’s going to use increased measures, precautions, and dangerous tactics to do so.

Viggo and Hiccup constantly raise the stakes and circumstances for each other. They continue seeing the capabilities each has. By this point, Viggo no longer underestimates Hiccup, but considers him quite the adversary. Just consider the change in perspective Viggo’s had toward Hiccup from S2 “Maces and Talons Part 2″ versus S4 “Gold Rush”:

“Maces and Talons Part 2″ - Viggo is not worried about being exposed to Hiccup alone, thinks that Hiccup and Toothless were no problem or danger at all to him, and leaves them alone without any consequence once he has the Dragon Eye he needs.

“Gold Rush” - Viggo mentions having extra precautions about being around Hiccup and the riders, and in fact is planning to kill them and their dragons because they’ve been such a threat to his operations. He goes out of his way to make sure the residents of Dragon’s Edge are eradicated.

It’s a growing rivalry with a morphing perspective on Viggo’s end.

And by the end of it, Hiccup outsmarts Viggo… and Viggo falls to his near-death.

Viggo, despite having his added gray morality choices (compared to Hiccup’s limited “honorable Viking” ideology), is overcome.

Viggo’s Mercy

Viggo has learned to see Hiccup as someone to not be underestimated. Viggo has seen Hiccup’s inventiveness and abilities to get the task accomplished. As someone like Viggo who takes tactics where he can, it makes sense that his frustration of Hiccup… turns into begrudging respect of Hiccup. He can respect someone clever wherever he finds them.

We see Viggo starting to take some of Hiccup’s ideas to level the playing field. Viggo starts using the cauldron to withstand the fires of the volcano - the same tactic Hiccup and the Defenders of the Wing used to survive lava. This makes sense. Viggo is a tactical man who knows when an idea is smart.

But because Viggo is learning to begrudgingly respect Hiccup… he’s actually being influenced by Hiccup in more ways than how to survive lava encounters. He’s also got some respect for Hiccup’s ideological framework - that ideological framework that Viggo himself once held true as a child.

And this is where we really start to see that Viggo does have a sense of mercy and compassion for other individuals.

Krogan is introduced in a way somewhat akin to Viggo. Krogan at first seems to offer mercy to a dragon hunter who doesn’t like how they hunt, asking for feedback and offering to let the employee leave. But then Krogan murders the man and asks the others if they’re willing to question his tactics, too. Just like Viggo, Krogan offers false mercy and trust, then shows who’s really in charge. But unlike Viggo, Krogan never demonstrates a respect for smart, tactical behavior, nor a respect for the value of a human life.

Krogan is someone who’s more willing to be ruthless with his punishments or disregard others. In this season the two butt heads a lot about not only how to run their operation… but also about moral values. Viggo is the one who tells Krogan they need Fishlegs alive because the boy has extensive dragon knowledge; Krogan is the one who says he has enough knowledge himself and they might as well kill Fishlegs. Viggo is the one who says that reverence isn’t a bad thing so long as it doesn’t cloud one’s judgment, and uses Hiccup’s ingenuity and victories against Viggo as inspiration for future projects; Krogan is the one who just looks down on Hiccup and thinks he shouldn’t be given such respect. When Krogan says that Hiccup’s weakness is being afraid to shoot to kill, Viggo actually seems… irritated at the suggestion.

And, most tellingly, when Krogan is willing to let men die going down into the lava… Viggo is trying to minimize casualties:

Krogan: Why are you sending only one man down at a time?Viggo: I sent three down last time. Only one came back, which is two more than the time before that.Krogan: They’re disposable. That’s why we have so many of them.Soldier: That’s right. Krogan doesn’t tolerate failure.Krogan: Right you are. Now, say your farewells and get your pathetic behind back in that tub. Now!

Krogan doesn’t care if these men die. The fact that Viggo actually is trying to keep his subordinates from dying says something, doesn’t it? In a subtle way, Viggo’s enacting mercy.

Throughout Season 5, we see that Viggo is definitely the more thoughtful and considerate individual between the two.

Some of it is harking back to who he always has been - again, he didn’t kill Hiccup needlessly in “Maces and Talons” or anything. Some of it is that Krogan’s rudeness is making Viggo hate their alliance and disrespect his partner in crime. And some of it is also harking back to Viggo learning to respect Hiccup for who he is, tactics and morals and all.

Viggo’s Redemption

Frankly, the more we see Krogan be rude to Viggo, the more we see Viggo preferring Hiccup over him. But because Viggo and Krogan have the same goal, while Hiccup has an opposing goal, it’s pragmatic and obvious for Viggo to continue with his current partnership.

Until, of course, that partnership ends. Krogan forsakes Viggo. Krogan, like always, has no regard for anyone else. Krogan, like always, holds no respect for Viggo’s motivations and ideas. Krogan, through these actions, butts Viggo out of the game and nearly has him killed.

So for someone who’s grown to respect Hiccup Haddock and grown increasingly disillusioned with his partner Krogan… and for someone who still has some goals he needs to accomplish with extra assistance… it makes sense that Viggo is going to go to a new partner.

Viggo does this in a realistic way that isn’t sudden repentance saying he’s wrong. Viggo is still manipulative, trying to trick Hiccup, talking up things like the red oleander flower. Viggo is still wanting to partner with Hiccup for his personal ends, not for bettering Hiccup’s stock or because he sees eye-to-eye with Hiccup’s desires. But Viggo’s working with Hiccup out of a set of conditions that makes complete sense from context.

Viggo is never someone who returns back to idealism and what he considers a naive frame of ethics. When he recruits Hiccup for help in Season 6, he even tells Hiccup that the kid isn’t ruthless enough, and that this is going to come back to bite him. Viggo has learned through life that the person who seems to have greater skill is probably the person who isn’t limiting themselves from achieving their needed (and often good) end. But because of how situations fall down between Viggo and Hiccup, he makes that last-minute redemption built out of the respect that’s been ever-growing out of him for the dragon riding crew.

At the very end, when Viggo is about to die… he’s going to respect the boy who he sees deserving of respect, over dying for the cause of Krogan, who’s betrayed him.

And maybe, in that part of Viggo that’s still a child, he’s happy to be fighting for the “honorable Viking chief” - even if he, the traitor, dies in the end.

So for Viggo’s characterization arc? Personally, for me, it works.

Unlike Dagur, I think that Viggo’s arc was much better paced and gradually built, with a good progression of events that allow us to understand why Viggo would eventually take Hiccup’s side. He’s not someone with a psychological inability to feel compassion for others. He’s not someone so self-important that he can’t respect and learn from people who best him. He’s not someone unusual to society - he’s someone who is focused on profits and puts others’ interests a little bit aside for his own gain. He’s not someone who is morally credible in every choice, but he’s also got some good points to make about how we might or might not achieve our goals. Frankly, I agree with Viggo on more points than I should probably admit. But regardless, this is why I appreciate his character arc, and why I feel he was a well-constructed character start to end in the RTTE narrative.

#long post #rtte #Race to the Edge #Maces and Talons #Maces and Talons Part 1 #Maces and Talons Part 2 #Gold Rush #Triple Cross #The Wings of War #The Wings of War Part 1 #Viggo #Viggo Grimborn #analysis #my analysis #ask #ask me #anonymous #awesome anonymous friend #Krogan

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eeveelutionsforequality · 7 years

Text

Trigger warning: Suicide, rape, poop and child molestation.

My Facebook is almost entirely meme pages these days, so my feed is 90% jokes about killing yourself and chronic alcoholism, 5% puns, 1% each for gore, porn, poop and anime, and finally 1% articles (news and opinion alike). And before you ask, yes I have unfollowed the majority of my friends to make room for the aforementioned "It's time to put the I in suicide!" posts - I just relate to those more.

So imagine my shock when my pleasant scroll was interrupted by a post from a page that I shall not name but that can be summarized with "I smoke lots of weed, hate the government, and am likely to engage in revolutionary suicide so that even my death is virtue signaling" - said post being an article about "Pedophile culture". I've seen the article shared on here before (long story short: men like hairless legs, how can we use this to make men look evil? children have hairless legs... aha! lets claim men like children!), but this time I decided to look for some spicy reactions in the Facebook comments, maybe a good "this is bait" picture I could steal... oh how I came to regret that decision.

First I found a comment thread in which a person with Link (some Twilight Princess artwork, to be precise) as their profile picture very calmly and respectfully explained that liking hairless legs could be a number of things - simply not liking the texture of hair, or even being victim to the same brainwashing that the article claims the media inflicts upon women. To which the page responded "^ dude stop fucking kids" (and got 38 likes compared to Link's 18... kill me, just right now, end my suffering, please). Want to convince people that pedophilia is an incredibly prevalent problem caused by sexism? Well don't forget to fire off baseless, albeit jokey, accusations of child molestation at everyone who disagrees with you! That'll really hammer home the severity of the situation!

There was also a comment saying that people who use the term "SWERF" to describe certain feminists are "rape apologists", and some pretty gnarly stuff calling every guy on there who commented about his own preferences towards body hair a pedophile, and then blah blah patriarchy, blah blah women are oppressed, blah blah beautiful hairy pussy - suffice to say, most of the comments were the generic trash that I am used to scrolling past to get to that sweet sweet reaction pic.

But then... well, I'll let these two direct quotes speak for themselves:

[After someone else mentioned the "I'm a pedophile but not a monster" article] "I wholeheartedly agree with you. You're not a monster - you're a man. A rather common man. A microcosmic representation of patriarchy's most prevalent perversions."

"I and every other woman I know has a story of being sexually abused or taken advantage of by an older man when still a child or teenager. It's an epidemic."

Earlier I saw a video in which a man walked into a bathroom stall, did a handstand, and projectile pooped over the wall of the stall. That soaring turd made more sense than whatever twisted logic led these two people to claim that it's common, normal for men to be child molesters, that being a pedophile is simply part of being a man, and that society accepts- no, encourages child molestation... and on top of that, to imply with anecdotal "evidence" that 100% of women were raped by men as children.

Unlike the article, these two people are not simply trying to attribute bad intentions to a perfectly normal occurrence because of their own bias; they're literally claiming that men, en masse, are raping female children to enforce patriarchy (enough female children to be called "common", an "epidemic", the "most prevalent").

There are actual victims of child molestation, sexual assault, rape and child abuse - we get disorders that stick with us for the rest of our lives: PTSD, DID, OSDD, BPD, NPD, AVPD, depersonalisation/derealization, depression, anxiety, agoraphobia, eating disorders, fuck I could go on and on and on. It isn't a normal human experience. It's not common, prevalent, an epidemic, it's not something that every woman goes through or that every man wants to do/actually does. It isn't "Oh, there goes Bobby down the road, probably raping kids again, how quaint."

There's something extra sickening about people claiming that child molestation is just what men do all the time to enforce patriarchy. That's not why abusers do what they do. Even if you believe in patriarchy, surely you understand that individual people still do awful things without doing those things specifically to further patriarchy, and that by implying that raping children is some orchestrated global conspiracy amongst men and not the actions of a terrible individual you're fucking with victims and not only how they view their abusers, but how they view men as a whole; not to mention that you're invalidating male victims and victims of female abusers.

It's important to realise that there may well be actual victims reading these comments, and when you say that all men are as dangerous and cruel as their abusers... well, from where I'm sitting, that just looks like you're trying to incite paranoia and mistrust of an entire gender, in people who've already been through enough.

And I haven't even gone into the long rant about how this crime shouldn't be gendered or used to further gender-focused ideologies - about how many boys are victims of child molestation, about female teachers raping male students, about the cultures around the world that include being raped as a part of a boy's "becoming a man" journey, about the number of female abusers especially when you include cases in which there were multiple abusers (Spoiler alert: it's a fuck tonne higher than zero). I haven't even begun ranting about the article itself or the rest of the comments - I haven't talked about how there isn't a pedophile culture, about how it is literally seen as the single most disgusting thing a human being can be.

But I can't put all of my problems with these comments into words right now - fearmongering, lies, gendering child abuse/molestation, belittling the severity of abuse by claiming that it's an accepted everyday tactic that "the system" inflicts upon everyone within it, and more - I'm tired and the world sucks and people suck. It's like they got done diluting the word rape and they had to move on to something worse.

Next week on The Feminism Show: Is patriarchy gang-raping all babies and then feeding them to pigs? The answer may surprise you.

~ Vape

#Tw rape #tw suicide #tw child molestation #tw really shitty post full of bad jokes #Mod Vaporeon #your regular alter was unavailable so this post was brought to you by me

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inanawesomewave · 6 years

Text

Because of the Implication

IHi, it’s me again, that sociopath you read the blog of. Today i’m thinking of the implication that people with ASPD can’t have come from abuse. Every time I get into this stuff I find myself asking the same question: why are we exempt from human emotion and raw experience? So many times I hear the misinformations about sociopaths not having real feelings, the hysterical assumptions that we can’t physically feel love, people say when we cry we must be faking it - there’s no evidence that any of this is true. But as we all know at this point, it’s common practise to write us off. It’s a mass gaslighting that keeps us where we should be - the necessary scapegoat. Children of narcissists who were unfortunate enough to not be the golden child, don’t always end up with BPD, PTSD, NPD, whatever -- sometimes we turn out with ASPD too. Because it’s likely. So why is it people assume that the only reason you can’t elicit sympathy or compassionate treatment for ASPD is because you’ve never suffered? When I hear protestations about ASPD, I hear the same thing: “it’s not like other cluster B, people with (other personality disorders) are usually children of abuse, and if they’re going to be manipulative it’s because of a primitive emotional need, people with ASPD just don’t have a conscience”. Let me just say this about that. People with ASPD have spent a lifetime being denied a primitive emotional need. We have got so good at it, that we have developed a personality where we deny it of ourselves too. We weren’t born cold. We were made cold. Just as no child is born racist or homophobic, no child is born a bully - children are moulded into their bad behaviours, and believe it or not, we too were once children, all cute and tiny and chubby and full of smiles and giggles. Someone somewhere down the line changed that narrative with us, just as with any other personality-based defence mechanism. And when I say the word “bully”, I am in NO WAY condoning abusive behaviours - if you are being abused by ANYONE AT ALL regardless of their diagnosis YOU DO NOT NEED TO PUT UP WITH IT AND YOU ARE ALLOWED TO REACT. What I’m saying is, it cannot be implied the sociopath will bully you. What if we don’t? What if we’re just as abusive as anyone else in Cluster B, that sometimes we are, sometimes we’re not, that abuse lives outside of a personality disorder, and whilst your abusive behaviour is informed by the personality disorder you have, it doesn’t predict it? If the sociopath in your life is not bullying you or hurting you, why treat them like they’re about to? You do that to all your friends? The sociopath can be and often is deliberately mean. We do it because we don’t know how to do this, we do it because we’re bored, we do it for a laugh, we do it because we do not like you. I’m not saying that’s right, but hear me out. The narcissist is mean because they are deeply insecure and need control over a part of their life that gives them a sense of superiority, because normally they’ve spent their lives being forcibly repressed into a state of inferiority, normally by an abusive parent. The borderline is mean because they’ve lost control of their emotions and have had a turbulent and inconsistent childhood during which it was anyone’s guess if their emotional needs were going to be met or not, and their sense of identity was constantly disrupted. The antisocial is mean because... And here’s where the conversation falls down. The antisocial is mean because they’re a bad person. They’re not doing it soothe themselves, they’re not overcompensating, they must just be a bad apple. Well, yes and no. The antisocial is mean because they’ve grown up with a survival of the fittest mentality, they’ve had to fight for their emotions, everything the antisocial says and does is scrutinised, even if their diagnosis is not common knowledge. Even if someone doesn’t know you have ASPD, if they know you well enough at all, you will notice you are constantly observed under a microscope. Something about you seems off, not sincere. It’s an implication of badness. Something is aloof, one of these things is not like the other - the abstract and biblical notion of EVIL must be afoot. I’m not saying let’s heap compassion and adoration onto sociopaths, I’m just saying let’s not be so savage as to assume that sociopaths just woke up at the age of three when the personality had found its roots and said “hey! I’d like to be a sociopath!”. The sociopath isn’t wrestling with hardcore emotional demons a lot of the time, the sociopath is not responding with emotional turmoil to abuse triggers, the sociopath looks to have no reason to suffer. But the sociopath thinks and feels and remembers everything, including their abuses, including their injustices. The robot you see before you has an excellent memory system, and that’s the problem.

#aspd #aspd tag #aspd feels #actually aspd #antisocial personality disorder #sociopath #psychopath #cluster b #abuse #trauma #childhood trauma #childhood neglect #narcissistic personality disorder

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