#so hope is just a word to me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

soft-deceitful-wiles · 2 years

Text

IMPORTANT PSA FOR MY LOVELY FOLLOWERS

Doubt anyones gonna read but whatever...

so, since now its a pretty strong possibility ive lost my oldest and only remaining irl friend (my bff since we where 14 to be exact, we are 30, living prrtty far but relationship hasnt changed in 11 years mostly apart) or at the very least ive damaged our relationship INCREDIBLY

and all because of her ashole, conceited, full of himself boyfriend that i can't stand, accusing me of something i didnt do without even considering any other possibility (cause fuck presumption of inocense apparently?)

and her trying to pacify the situation, and by doing so basically putting herself on his side, and this knowing full well my current mental health state (mandated medical leave due to extreme depression, eating dissorder, high stress levels and extreme anxiety, being heavily medicated) and she's defending/excusing his behaviour after his selfish actions/words about some UNIMPORTANT BULLSHIT (this is all... Prepare yourself... About a piece of costume, a vest, i borrowed from him like 5/6 years ago AT LEAST to make patters out of and he thinks i still have it but i can't find it and im pretty sure i give it back... But he says no cause he can't find it... So its only possible I lost it... He's God's perfect creation an could NEVER have made such a mistake...

And i was already looking into btw even tho hes not my friend and i HATE HIM, cause my BFF already had asked me, but he felt the need to push me AGAIN last night AT 1AM (very polite, writing someone you dont talk to in the middle of the night without kmowing if youll wake them...) insisting about it and making me feel even more guily when he has NO BUSINESS talking to me... We are NOT FRIENS...

he gave me a panic attack last night, barely slept and I've had to overmedicate today to stop from loosing my shit altogether...

Which has never happened like this before...

I right now currently have exactly 0 percent to loose, thanks, you son of a fucking turd pile that thinks himself the best most specialest boy ever...

So, i have more than 600 posts on queue (more people should use it tbh), set to 50 a day, so you will keep seeing me for a while, is just not "me, me".

I'll probably be gone after today. Don't know if ill be coming back this time... dont think so tho

Not that anyone here fucking cares 😂 i just thought it polite so say.

The few notes i usually get (if ANY) on my own posts are pity likes from mutuals 😂 (and even those are appreciated, guys❤️)

But hey, dont say i went without saying goodbye!

You wont notice my absence (like the few days i suddenly stopped posting this past week, and i didnt even had the queue), but ill sure miss seeing you in my dash. Wish i could have tall to you more ❤️

TLDR: my life is shit, i had little, now i dont even had the only good constant in my life since before my mom died (i was 14) who is my bff. Its all asshole boyfriend of bff. Can't do anything cause i love her too much to cause her any pain, so i cant escalate and fuck him up as soon as i seen him like id love to...

So im giving up, starting by abandoning this hellsite (beloved) and abandoning myself to ALL the drugs (legal or not) that i can get my hands on that make me numb until hopefully i get to die all chill during the high of my life... Here's hoping🤞

#bye and all that #maybe a miracle will happen and the pills start working again #but my life never gets better #only worse #so hope is just a word to me #a concept invented for the naive #not trying to offend #i wish i could believe in it #So i wouldnt have to numb myself like this #anyways lets try betting #i say this gets 0 NOTES #perfect send off #very on brand #im so relaxed i thunk in gonna bed

4 notes · View notes

freitag1607 · 4 months

Text

1.05 / Battle of the Labyrinth

#I FEEL SO NORMAL ABOUT THIS #percy jackson #pjo tv show #percy jackson and the olympians #pjotv #percabeth #pjo #screaming crying #mine #100 #500 #1k #5k #im in the middle of packing and this sent me frantically looking for my copies of pjo #anyway #i feel so insane i feel like im gonna die can anyone hear me. CAN ANYONE HEAR ME #annabeth has been so disconnected from the mortal world and just so fundamentally unable to enjoy her childhood #it makes me want to sob like seriously #i hope her and percy go on so many movie dates. like #not even just her and percy i hope percy tells grover and word spreads around camp and movie nights just become a thing at camp #because all these babies deserve it #god im gonna die. im seriously gonna die #WE KNOW THERE'S AN ORIENTATION VIDEO #SO THEY HAVE A PROJECTOR AND A SCREEN #MOVIE NIGHTS COULD HAPPEN!!!#okay bye. i'm going to go scream about percabeth some more

9K notes · View notes

aeide-thea · 1 year

Text

on principle opposed to describing art i dislike as 'masturbatory' because even though it's an alluringly contemptuous word to sneer it's impossible to reconcile with my pro-masturbation stance

#it's such an ugly word but like. self-pleasure is good‚ actually #it's good to know yourself and what you like and lovingly treat yourself to it!#like similarly 'meretricious' is extremely tempting if you ignore the underlying metaphor #but. hard to.#language #and quite frankly i think people who whip out 'masturbatory' in this sneering sort of way #are leveraging‚ if we're honest with ourselves‚ a particular framing of it as a gross thing that boys do #because like. when have you ever heard a *woman's* self-indulgent art described as masturbatory #like don't get me wrong we absolutely still dismiss it! but we dismiss it in other ways #that are usually about how embarrassing her *yearning* is #and so even our sneering is reinforcing an idea that men Act whereas women Feel #anyway this was prompted by some things but i shoved it in the queue so now i forget what lol #so here you are getting some contextless thoughts on the use of 'masturbatory' as sneering dismissive assessment!#just what you were hoping for i'm sure :)

30K notes · View notes

midoristeashop · 21 days

Text

Long car trips mean hunch over my ipad and film dumb stupid videos in restaurants at 11pm 😍 (future me screw u idk if it’s shaky also do not perceive me)

(That one vine)

Also have the things

#I didn’t even plan to use this audio LMAO #it worked ig I just added words #hijack #jackycup #it’s so wild yall car trips fuck me up cuz what do u mean I slept 4 hours straight and now there’s snow #IN CALI??#ate some bomb ass food tho while filming and my sis just stared at me the whole time 😔#ig that’s how toofthelss greets people LMAO #expressions are fun #I may not animatic but I can sure hope and dream #if u see this no u didn’t #a little loopy it’s fine yall #edit: omgf ITS SO SHAKY I AM ASHAMED #TY FOR LIKING THIS BUT ALSO WOW DO I KINDA HAYE IT #😔 it’s ok I’ll just dig a hole and lay down for a while it’s fine

741 notes · View notes

christakisbang · 7 months

Text

#my baby my love my everything i hope u have a day as wonderful and sweet and lovely as u are #stray kids #bang chan #bang chan gifs #stray kids gifs #skz #skz gifs #my gifs #cbbc2023 #ah. not to get sappy in the tags since im already using all my characters to get sappy in his bubble but. hm. he's very very very important #to me. kind of like. extremely special.#just. im so bad with words but idk if id be here without him and if i was id be deeply deeply unhappy? so im always gonna be grateful to hi #and his music and his company and his care #he's just so kind and sweet and deeply deeply caring and i know birthdays aren't special to him but i hope he gets to eat good food today #and spend time with people he loves & who love him in return and just has heaps of fun. today and every day i just hope he's happy #if he's half as happy as he makes me on the daily then i never have to wish for anything else #um. anw. silly little post for his day that did not warrant all that gut spilling. happy birthday my guy of all time. i love you

2K notes · View notes

godsfavoritedumpsterfire · 1 month

Text

1K notes · View notes

myoonmii · 9 days

Text

I think the downright most horrific and brutal detail in the show is that Kilgharrah actually used Merlin to make sure Arthur's death happened with the pretence of protecting him

#kilgharrah when i catch you #this is why merlins “ i failed? ” destroyed me to my core #you were never supposed to succeed love #I honestly believe Kilgharrah knew Arthur was supposed to die at Camlaan and just wanted to make sure he didn't die BEFORE that #thats why he was like ooh but Merlin you must protect him and make sure he survives ( until its the convenient time)#and merlin genuinely thought he could protect Arthur until the end #say what you want about Kilgharrah and what his intentions might be behind this but this is SO FOUL #and now Merlins waiting for Arthurs return for a thousand years on Kilgharrah's word alone because thats the only hope he has #what else can he do #lets just hope he's right this time #bummed my self out with this thought while doing my class work #merlin #bbc merlin #merthur #cannot take much more of this guys send help

410 notes · View notes

nordidia · 1 month

Text

having a very rough night so raph doodles needed to be made

when in need, mash two interests together

#i love him so muhc ghghgh #and uh please stop sending me asks straight up demanding me to draw more /nm #if u've sent me an ask just regarding art before pls dont feel anxious this is about people actually DEMANDING like im some sort of machine #im absent due to my work/mental health situation going up and down #tmnt will ofc always be special interest but right now its in the back row #theres little time for anything but work and meetings and thinking about work and.. well.. monster hunter escapism egsfkhjhh..#but yeah i promise im still here #and i want to draw him when i can #but stress is high right now and drawing takes too much wrist stamina to do often now #i hope u understand #sorry if i worded myself badly im very tired and stresed n its ... oh its 5am great. wellp. goodnight skafklgsjdklfnshh #my art #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt #nordidia art #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt raph #id in alt text #also one would think my art style is easy on my wrist but #i gorilla grip my pen and when i learned to write as a child i held the pencil jank #and it stuck like that #so its really rough on my hands #sadly

432 notes · View notes

calmparticles · 4 months

Text

?Want a break from the ads? If you tap now to watch a short video you'll get 30 minutes of ad free music! Yes, really! If you tap now you'll get 30 minutes of ad free music! So what are you waiting for? I'm still waiting.. Why aren't you tapping? Don't you want 30 minutes of ad free music? If you tap now and watch the short video you'll get 30 minutes of ad free music! It's that easy! If you want to be free from the ads forever considerIf it doesn't work for you, then you're using it wrong. Make sure you're using EVERY single filter. If you are currently, then de-select them and make sure they're updated and re-enable them. IT WILL WORK. There's no "it won't work" when you do this. It's either a 1 or a 0. Either a yes or no. Either a "it will work" or an "I am not using the adblocker correctly".

#hi!!! not dead!!! i've just had the most creative block ever DKFBNDF/#here's some poppup whale/dolphin variations for anon! thank u sm vacc anon for the req and kind words - hope u doing good!!/#all of u asks have been so sweet. bless u! <3/#poppup #deltarune #myart #and a teeny tiny ambyu. 2 small for the tag. teeny/#i'm very rusty at art-ing rn - if anyone has any reqs i would love to draw some! i still got lot's 2 go thru too tho <3/#also i finally went back n edited all my image ids into the images themselves - i'll still reblog ids over @ calmparticles-id/#cause 4000 characters will never b enough 4 me DKFJBDF i cannot write short ids 2 save my life or u eyes/#anyways that's enough tags for now!/

701 notes · View notes

theabigailthorn · 5 months

Text

Thanks to all my patrons for supporting me!

Turns out when you actually do your own research and writing [AHEM!] it takes time to make good content. These awesome names and plenty of generous people like them help make that happen. Their pledges give me the time to research the show PROPERLY and also go towards paying the crew, who make the show look spectacular.

If you can, and you wanna support what I do, sign up and join them :)

#philosophytube #philosophy chube #seriously though it makes me so mad that guy made so much money stealing other people's words #like I put so much flippin work into Philosophy Tube #and this a-hole just read out books and scammed his patrons #infuriating #but what are you gonna do jake? It's ContentTown #I hope my patrons see their money going on the screen #oh also in case you were wondering the patreon pledges go into a separate bank account that's for Philosophy Tube #they don't go into my personal accounts #and if there's anything left over at the end of an episode it rolls over into the budget for the next one

455 notes · View notes

cobaltfluff · 8 months

Text