#so it's kind of an extension here. It's 'parts of me that support you' that are outlined as the bones.

[softpine]

can i just word vomit for a min...

there was a point in late 2023 where i felt like i overstayed my welcome on simblr and i planned on just wrapping frozen pines up as quickly as possible and moving on. continuing to write when it's clear that the audience for it is dwindling felt so embarrassing that i almost didn't even want to put effort into it anymore, because i was afraid it just looked pathetic (obligatory disclaimer: no one made me feel this way, you're all so lovely, it's just the nature of seeing a community change over 7 years). writing already feels very personal to me and it's becoming increasingly harder for me to put my work out there (again, for reasons unrelated to simblr and entirely related to mental illness 🤙🏻). i know my story is so long that it deters new readers, and so sporadic that it makes old readers drop off with time. this has really been bothering me lately because i don't know what i can do to fix it. i don't think there IS anything i can do.

but. okay. don't make fun of me for saying this. dan and phil returning to youtube kinda changed my mindset? they may be pulling a fraction of the views they got in their peak, but they're happier than they've ever been and they're working on things they actually want to do, not things they think will be particularly popular. seeing that has made me realize that it is possible to keep finding joy in a community that has largely moved on without you. obviously my little blog is nowhere near the same scale, so this feels kind of silly, but i've been thinking about all the things i used to do on simblr that were never fun for me, i mainly did them because i knew they would get notes or because i felt like i had to do it. making cc, lookbooks, sim requests, reshade help (oh my god the reshade help), lot downloads, etc. they DID get notes, but i can't imagine spending my time doing any of that stuff ever again tbh.

on top of that, it makes me sad to scroll through my dash and realize that i don't recognize most of the people i see anymore. i still talk to some wonderful people here who i consider friends and that's invaluable to me (💖), but the broader community aspect is something i no longer feel a part of. and believe me, i know i'm at fault here because it's not like i'm going out of my way to talk to new people or participate in trends like i used to. i don't blame anyone except the passage of time!!

frozen pines, and simblr by extension, played such a gigantic part in my life when i needed it the most. and that's not to say that i don't still care about it, because i absolutely do, but it's a different kind of feeling. i've always promised that i would give frozen pines a satisfying conclusion rather than silently abandoning it someday, and though i do intend to keep that promise, i know it's possible that i might never get there. but i don't want to let my own insecurities get in the way of something i really enjoy doing. writing is an intrinsic piece of me that i'll never quit doing, but sharing my writing on tumblr is something that can't (and shouldn't) last forever. i know that. but i'm going to enjoy it to the fullest while we're all still here together 💞

to anyone who's still reading my silly story after all these years (especially those of you who still check in on my blog even though you're not on simblr anymore): thank you thank you thank you THANK YOUUU. you don't have to change a single thing about what you're doing. this is not me fishing for compliments or putting down an ultimatum, this is just me trying to make sense of my feelings.

but with all this being said, i've decided to quit simblr and start my own exclusive streaming service for $60 a year, i hope you'll all support me as i increase my production value 😌

(just kidding. ily. okay that's all)

#to be 100% clear this is not a goodbye - i'm literally halfway done with the next story post #just sort of an update on the state of my brain #👍🏻 #btw...... sorry to Watcher fans lmaoo you guys really got the short end of the parasocial relationship stick..... </3 #that's not relevant to anything i've said here i've just spent way too much time thinking about how youtube has changed in the past 20 year #because i'm a loser that got really into youtube when i was 11 and never looked back #and then the watcher thing happened. and i was like ohhh if dan and phil did that to me i would have to die about it.

[soybean-official]

The parts of you that support me

#mgs2 my favorite game i love you #metal gear solid 2 #mgs2 sons of liberty #mgs2 raiden #rosemary mgs #emma emmerich #Anyways let me elaborate on the piece here in the tags again #I really like the skeletal motif that raiden's rib cage suit and the aicolonel's face turning into a skull have going on #so it's kind of an extension here. It's 'parts of me that support you' that are outlined as the bones. #For raiden his vitals are literally keeping sunny alive. So his rib cage. For the colonel he's constantly feeding raiden bad info to keep- #-the mission afloat. His skull #For emma she created the arsenal gear worm (hands) #And for rose i mean obviously like. shes pregnant in this game. but its got a bigger meaning for the plot and for raiden specifically #since it's part of the reason why he tries to be better. Her connection to him is what keeps him grounded during the whole mission #and together they all form the 'vital' organs #Alternatively i wanted to name this 'malfunctioning machine' but anyone can probably figure out that one if they wanted. Lol #Back to your regularly scheduled tagging program! #beanie art #mgs fanart #metal gear solid fanart #mgs2 fanart #mgs2

[theidiotwhowritesthings]

IS THERE A VERSION OF JOEL MILLER I WOULDN'T FUCK?

[a case study in how thirsty i am for this man.] [aka fic recommendations]

Unfortunately, in my extensive research on this topic, I have found some pretty damning evidence against my sanity.

dad's best friend!joel miller x fem!reader

Your Summer Dream [masterlist] by @swiftispunk It is a scientific fact that if you place Joel Miller on a beach he becomes 100x hotter. I don't make the rules, I just report them.

Creep it Real! by @swiftispunk I am a puddle. I melted and I'm a shallow pathetic puddle. Cowboy and Angel. I just hnnnnnggggg. I need him to ruin me pls dear god.

*I'm realizing if i include all the DBF!JM i read this will get very long, very quickly, and i think i have revealed enough of myself on this blog to highlight my very obvious daddy issues

**speaking of daddy issues...

stepdad!joel miller x fem!reader

Don't Be Cute, Be Nasty by @cockslutpadalecki i'm pretty sure this was the first stepdad!joel miller anything i read and it awoke something in my soul. it's always fun to reach new levels of my daddy issues and BY GOD was this just 🫠

Bad Girl [part i of many] by @seventeenpins he walks in on her while she's watching stepdaddy porn and good lord it gets filthier and filthier in the best kind of way.

boyfriend's dad!joel miller x fem!reader

Lost in the Dark [masterlist] by @iamasaddie i expected to be a slut reading this but then it made me an emotional slut out of nowhere i am obsessed. there is nothing i love more than being drawn in by my thots only to be hit by an emotional bus out of nowhere.

Thigh's Out AU [masterlist] by @toxicanonymity not only is this a boyfriend's dad AU, but said boyfriend's dad is a hot and slutty. just like i like my dilfs.

father-in-law!joel miller x fem!reader

Pink [masterlist] by @netherfeildren holy fuck. that's all. just holy fuck. this altered my genetic makeup.

Help, I'm Stuck! by @nosesitter spoiler alert: he takes her wedding ring off before dicking her down and I-- 👀 send help.

***i didn't think i had a lot of significant other's father!joel miller in my repertoire, but i had to stop myself again from listing them all on this one otherwise we'd be here all day. shit, i'm learning things about myself 🤡

dark therapist!joel miller x fem!reader

Session 1 by @elvinaa i think this only highlights how badly i need an actual therapist (as does this entire list actually).

sleazy gas station clerk!joel miller x fem!reader

Meet Me in the Back (1) & The Night is Dark Enough ... (2) written by @atticrissfinch It does not bode well for me that this version of Joel Miller made me so fucking feral. In no way, shape, nor form should a sleazy gas station clerk make me feel this way AND YET HERE WE ARE.

tattoo artist!joel miller x fem!reader

Honeyed [masterlist] by @softlyspector This one absolutely hits too close to home for me, but that's probably why I'm so obsessed with it. My touch adverse yet touch starved ass ate this up and left no crumbs😌

chiro!joel miller x fem!reader

Say Yes to Heaven by @pascalisbaby i thought the medical side of my brain would cringe at the doctor/patient dynamic but as it turns out my depravity knows no bounds 🥵

frat dad!joel miller x fem!reader

The Old College Try by @proxima-writes i didn't even know this was something i needed in my life until it came into my life. blessings🙏🏼

ceo!joel miller x fem!reader

Sex on Fire [masterlist] by @macfrog i don't think i need to harp on what that sugar daddy vibes do to me🤤

mafia!joel miller x fem!reader

Divine Dynasty by @cavillscurls Remember when I said putting Joel by a body of water makes him 100x hotter? The same applies to a Mafia AU. I can't explain it. I have no sound reasoning to support my claim other than "he hot tho".

pornstar!joel miller x fem!reader

I Know it When I See it [masterlist] by @bageldaddy 🔥🔥🔥 that is all.

maintenance man!joel miller x fem!reader

Maintenance Man [masterlist] by @gracieispunk toolbelt. say less.

slasher!joel miller x fem!reader

Slasher [masterlist] by @toxicanonymity i thought for sure, FOR SURE, this would be blind, pure, detached smut that i could enjoy with no emotional ties whatsoever. and then all of a sudden i'm feeling things??? he just loves his mom so much😭 mama's boy wants to be happy. JAIL. real jail for murderer joel miller. horny jail for me. and audacity jail for toxic b/c how dare you make me feel things for a serial killer😩

as i said previously, the evidence speaks for itself. i have yet to find a version of joel miller i could not immediately fuck. i'm actually planning (i have a lot of plans and no time smh), to go through all these on my recommendation blog w/play by play commentary so everyone can know just how unhinged i am for this guy.

but now!! you guys have a syllabus for my insanity!!

now, excuse me while i go find a therapist (a real one, not a hot/dark joel miller version of one) (although beggars can't be choosers right?👀)

dividers by @saradika

#joel miller x female reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us #tlou fanfiction #fic rec

[dalishious]

Reclaiming Independence of the Dales

Before anything else, I’d just like to clarify that that vast majority of this is made of my own ideas, based on interpretation from the little canonical information provided, and a little inspired by my own people’s history and governing structure. Additionally, what I am presenting here is an ideal situation, not necessarily what I think is an immediately realistic outcome in the world-state established. So, please keep that in mind.

The Dales were established as a homeland for elves—a small piece of a continent that was once called their home in its entirety, before the humans colonized it—by Maferath in -165 Ancient. This was in reward for the eleven people’s participation in the fight against Ancient Tevinter. But in 2:10 Glory, Divine Renata I broke this treaty and declared an Exalted March against the Dales, ending in its annexation by Orlais.

[Related Post: All You Need to Know about the Exalted March of the Dales]

If Solas has very low approval with Inquisitor Lavellan, and Lavellan accuses him of not doing enough to help their people, he will say the following: “You could order Halamshiral returned to the Dalish, if you wished. But ultimately, you know that would fail. That even you cannot solve this.” I hate this with a burning passion. The reason I can’t do that, Solas, is because it’s not an option in the game! Why are you as a character angry at me, the player, for not doing something that is not an option for me to do? Why was this written? Just to push the point that it’s not worth it to try and fight back against oppression? Because if I refuse to accept hopelessness in real life, why would I in accept it in a video game where the story is made-up, and therefore anything is possible if the developers so wish it.

Regardless, according to Solas, the Inquisition has enough power to support the reclamation of an independent Dales. I imagine this would require a lot of political maneuvering within the Orlesian governance, and therefore I think the best opportunity to do this would be with Briala ruling through Gaspard. This would then later open the door for Briala to be the leader of the newly independent Dales, too. I would like to see Briala as ruler of the Dales not just because she is a favourite of mine, but because I genuinely believe she is the best established character fit for the job. She was trained in everything Celene was trained in, has first-hand experience in court, has extensive connections, and has demonstrated her ability and desire to utilize these skills and assets for the benefit of elven kind.

Briala’s blackmail on Gaspard may help prevent Orlais from invading again while under his rule, but to last longer, the Dales would need to establish itself as a strong, independent Nation with allies. This is why I believe it would also be important to have Leliana as Divine Victoria in such a world-state where this could happen. Leliana re-canonizes the Canticle of Shartan, and in making it available for the common person to understand, would ideally help sway the minds of the average Andrastian into supporting the Dales’s independence. The nobility would of course be much trickier, because they and the Chantry are the ones who actually benefitted from its annexation—but there is little they would be able to actually accomplish if they did not have the power of the people behind them.

As far as allies go, Ferelden could only gain from Orlais losing control of the Dales, because it would mean cutting Orlais off from a lot of Ferelden’s border, therefore reducing the threat of another invasion. Additionally, a leader with just plain good morals like say, Alistair, would easily accept the elven kingdom’s return. But even Anora is willing to grant part of the Korcari Wilds to the Dalish if Mahariel requests it, and while this sadly doesn’t last, it does show a positive sign into her potentially being open to the idea of an independent Dales as well.

I sincerely doubt that all Dalish clans would return to the Dales and re-settle down. After all, they have developed differentiating cultures over the years of wandering in separated groups, with different ideals and different ways of life that they might not want to give up. But many would return, and that would likely create conflict between the elves coming from the Dalish clans and the elves coming from the cities. We know that some prejudice exists against “flat-ears” as some Dalish call those from the city, and we know that city elves have adopted a lot of misinformation from humans into their views of the Dalish. It would take time and positive leadership to reconnect the people, without risking falling into some sort of hierarchy based on origin. This is why I do not believe one group or the other should single-handedly rule alone. Rather, I think there should be a Grand Council of High Keepers made up of those voted into the position each to represent a single district of the Dales. (I like the idea of there being seven High Keepers, not just because there are seven traditional districts of Mi’kma’ki, but because it works out that there seven of the Creators. So it makes sense that there would be seven High Keepers.) The Grand Council would meet and make decisions together, with one appointed leader at the head to act as the Council’s chair.

In terms of protection and order, the Emerald Knights should be reformed. This would include the Fade Hunters, to protect the people against demons and maleficarum, with there being no Circles or Templars.

Restoring the independence of the Dales would lead to a revival of elven culture in ways that could never happen before, because they would actually be free to pursue re-learning the language, re-discovering the history and culture, and sharing it all amongst each other. They would not have to fear arrest the crime of simply being an elf.  

But what of the other races presently living in the Dales? I see no reason why they would have to leave, so long as they would be willing to follow the Grand Council’s leadership. I imagine many nobility would flee to Orlais, simply because they would not stand for it. But for the average human or surface dwarf, their life wouldn’t really even change much; they’d still be managing their farms the same as always. Hell, it might even improve things for them, assuming the Grand Council gives fairer treatment than the nobility previously.

#dragon age #the dales #elves #meta

[bookish-whore]

Exile Pt.II

Azriel x Reader

Words: 2.4k

Warnings: in a shocking surprise to everyone I have more angst

A/N: SURPRISE!! I never actually revealed the poll results (oops my bad) but this was the winner! I know this chapter is kind of short but it sets up where our characters are mentally/emotionally plus has some interesting details for the future. Enjoy lovelies (and the next part is in progress don't even worry) ❤️

Part One -> Here

My Masterlist -> Here

Join my Taglist -> Here

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Gods it’s still dark outside I thought as I ran to the bathroom.

I hadn’t been sleeping that great since my departure from Velaris, and while I told myself it was a symptom of this pregnancy, I couldn’t help but feel it was a culmination of guilt, anxiety, and sadness. I pulled my hair back as I emptied the contents of my stomach into the toilet. This had been happening every day at least once and I was dreading the next nine months if this is what I would be looking forward to.

Once I was finished, I brushed my teeth, rinsing out my mouth thoroughly before making my way downstairs for a snack.

The cottage was cozy and intimate and completely not what I had pictured when Feyre said she had just the place in mind for me to escape to. It was located on the outskirts of the palace grounds of the day court, but the cottage itself was warded against all prying eyes. The wards had been put in place by Helion so none but his closest confidants had access to the home. I felt safe but mostly I felt alone.

Well mostly alone.

Lucien had been staying in the day court, learning the responsibilities required of a high lord, learning spells and wards and how to break them from Helion and he had been frequenting the cottage delivering food, supplies, books, and his company.

Helion had also been helpful, he had made sure the wards were strong enough to hide me from Azriel and he had provided me everything I needed to be comfortable here. He had even secured me a healer, he said it would be good to have someone I trusted, especially this early on to answer my questions and make sure I was prepared for this.

I couldn’t deny that I was terrified of being pregnant. Helion had an extensive library and in my free time I found myself wandering through the tomes looking for information on half Illyrian children, on the difficulty of pregnancy for fae women who mated with Illyrians. I also communicated a lot with Feyre about it. Considering that she knew the dangers firsthand of what having an Illyrian child could do to one’s body. She wrote me letters practically every day soothing my nerves with comforting words of encouragement and although my heart was aching for updates on Azriel, I never once asked. Mostly because I couldn’t bear to hear the answer.

Knowing that sleep was useless at this point I made my way to the main room which contained the kitchen, living, and dining area. I put some water on to make some tea and sat on the couch opening the book I had discarded last night.

I had only managed a few pages before the kettle began whistling. I bookmarked my page and stood, grabbing a mug from one of the shelves and throwing a tea bag into it, filling it to the brim with the bubbling water. I carefully grabbed the handle setting the mug on the table in front of the couch. I would wait a few minutes for it to cool before attempting to drink and in the meantime, I would continue with some light reading.

As I scanned the page, the words in front of me seemed to blur together as my eyes drifted closed and I fell into a dreamless sleep.

-----

“We have discussed this at length now. I don’t know what you expect from me” Rhysand said, his tone gentle but firm.

“I expect you to support me” Azriel exclaimed “For fuck’s sake we’re brothers”

“You think this isn’t hard for me Az? Having to go to this length because you didn’t stay away from Elain like I fucking told you to?”

“I already told you what happened Rhys” the shadowsinger said, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance. He had been having the same conversation for the last week trying to get any information out of the high lord and lady about your whereabouts.

“Yeah, I know what you told me, but I also know what y/n heard. I know what she felt and how she processed it, and I promised her I would protect her.” Rhys said “god damnit Az…what the fuck do you expect me to do?”

“Tell me where she is” Azriel begged “that’s all I’ve been asking you for the last week.”

“You know I can’t” The high lord said firmly. “You know I’m doing this for you.”

Azriel paced in front of the fireplace before sitting on one of the chairs of the high lords office, resting his head in his hands. “What if our roles were reversed. W-what if it was Feyre when she was pregnant? You know how long I’ve waited for this Rhys, waited for a family…for a baby” his voice cracked “and now I-I’m missing it”

“I know Az.” He said clasping a hand to Azriel’s shoulder “I fucking know okay, you know how feral I was, h-how protective I was of them both during the beginning. But until I can understand why Elain would lie, why she would manipulate the situation this way it keeps y/n safe. It keeps your child safe. We don’t know why you were targeted and until Elain comes out of it, we only know half of what happened.”

“I know. Just…p-promise me that they are both safe” Azriel said wiping away a tear, because he knew that Rhysand was right, and he wouldn’t dare put you in danger.

The night you fled is fragmented in Azriel’s mind, in fact he can’t even remember most of it. He definitely doesn’t remember a conversation with Elain and the more he thinks about it there are all these gaps in his memory. Nights he can’t recall and whole days where his actions are blurred like he was a completely different person.

He was determined to get to the bottom of this, He and Rhysand were already putting the evidence together figuring out why Azriel would be a target and who would gain from his downfall.

Azriel had made a promise to himself that he would get his family back it was only a matter of time, and he had to hold on to hope that when the time came you would understand, that you would listen to him, and that eventually you would forgive him.

-----

I woke to the smell of food cooking and the familiar aroma of mahogany and crackling embers which told me that I was not alone.

I rubbed my eyes, sitting up and stretching my limbs before padding to the kitchen where Lucien was.

“How are we feeling today mama?” Lucien asked over his shoulder as he his attention was fixed on the stove.

“Nauseous, tired, bloated, over-emotional…just the usual” I said opening the refrigerator for a drink.

“Well, according to my father that is all completely normal at this stage considering what you’re going through” he said with a smirk as he shoveled the contents of the pan onto two plates, placing one of them in front of me.

“What’s on your mind.” He asked “you seem particularly distracted this morning.”

I shook my head, taking a bite of the eggs and toast he had made for me.

“What are you an expert on my body language now?” I snapped “I’ve only been here a week.”

He nodded, drinking his coffee. “Look, I know you’re struggling to deal with all of this” he said softly “and you can’t push me away no matter how much you may want to.”

“I know” I said solemnly “I’m sorry it’s just that I-” I paused, taking a shaky breath. He nodded at me to continue.

“I don’t know how I’m going to do this alone” I said, my voice cracking as I struggled to hold back my tears but the words just kept pouring out of my mouth “I thought that we would do this together. Azriel and I and then he- he- cheated on me with her and now I’m here and I’m alone and I-I’m pregnant and I am scared and the one person who I thought I could count on is the person I have to hide from and my life is falling apart and I just- I feel so fucking alone”

“Y/n you are not alone- I am here for you and though you can’t see them your other friends are here for you too” he said pulling me into his broad chest tucking my head under his chin and he simply held me, allowing me to cry.

He held my face in his hands, wiping away my tears “If anyone can understand the heartbreak of the mating bond it’s me- you know the guy who has been rejected countless times by his mate” he finished it with a sweet smile and I couldn’t help but smile back

“Thanks Lucien” I said softly “for being here and checking on me, for everything.”

“Always darling” he said “now finish your breakfast, its important that you are eating well and often.”

“I know, I know” I said taking another bite of my breakfast “are there any letters for me today?” I asked.

He pulled a small bundle out of thin air, one of his many tricks, and handed it to me. There were three envelopes, on top was Feyre’s delicate script, followed by Nesta’s and as I looked at the last one my heart skipped a beat. I recognized his handwriting in an instant. Azriel.

But how did it get here?

“You don’t have to read it if you aren’t ready” Lucien said “Feyre sent it with hers, apparently he begged her to and you know how much of a sap she is sometimes”

I simply looked at it, debating the pros and cons of it. Could I handle his apologies right now? Did I even want to hear them? Did he deserve that? the answer to them all, at least right now was simple.

I handed his letter to Lucien “Hold on to this for me, until I ask for it” I said.

He grabbed it and it vanished into thin air without another word.

“So, what’s on your agenda today” Lucien asked changing the subject

“I wanted to do a little more research in the library, and I think I have an appointment with the healer later. Can you come over for that?” I asked “I don’t know if I can handle it alone.”

“Of course” he said “like I said, you’re not alone in this”

Lucien stood to collect the dishes, cleaning up from breakfast while I read the letters from Feyre and Nesta. There wasn’t much to report but it was nice to stay informed, it was nice that they thought to write even about the mundane happenings back home.

I wrote some replies, telling them I would have more information after the healer tonight and to give everyone my love. Once satisfied I handed them off to Lucien and changed clothes for the day, Lucien helped put on the glamour I was wearing to go out in the court so I could move about without being recognized and we went to the library.

I would never get over the view of the library. It was a towering structure, so many tall spires that were filled with books, all the knowledge of Prythian. The carvings in the stone so intricate and the greenery growing around the building entombing the sides with vines, flowers, and moss. Lucien and I entered immediately going to the medical section to return a scroll I had borrowed yesterday about Illyrian anatomy. I had been keeping questions for the healer about my body and whether the delivery would be safe. I pulled another from the shelf it was on medical breakthroughs of the second age. I also walked around the romance section pulling some leisure reading for later when I undoubtedly couldn’t sleep. Lucien took care of transporting them to the cottage.

Before I knew it the sun was setting, and Lucien winnowed us back to the cottage to meet the healer.

Her name was Mila. She was a woodland nymph who moved to the Day Court to study under Helion. She had spent a time working with Madja in Velaris and with high lord Thesan in the Dawn Court. She was exceptionally gifted and was kind, answering all my questions calmly and encouraging me to keep asking questions through this process.

“So, I know your biggest concern is the birth” Mila said “I have been studying various alternatives to a traditional delivery that we can discuss as the time gets closer so we have a plan in place. I would like to try for a traditional delivery because it is much less stressful on the body but yours and the babes health come first always so we can be flexible”

I nodded my head with her “and everything is okay so far?” I asked

“as far as I can tell” Mila said “babe is strong, they have a strong heartbeat and seem to be growing at a normal rate. I would say you are about 4 months along or around 16 weeks.”

“That fits the timeline” I said with a smile

“Do you want to know the sex?” Mila asked

“You can tell that now?” Lucien said. I had almost forgotten he was here and I was grateful now to have a friend.

“Well, it’s a mixture of magic and a little faith” Mila said

“I don’t know” I said looking to Lucien for support.

“Why don’t you write it down and if she wants to open it she can when she’s ready” Lucien offered

Mila nodded moving over to me and whispering a series of words while holding a pendant above my womb. She smiled and wrote something on a scrap of paper tucking it inside an envelope before handing it to me.

“I’ll be back in two weeks’ time for another checkup” she said before walking out the front door and winnowing away.

I grabbed the envelope tucking it into the book I was reading.

Lucien bid me a goodnight, leaving me with a warm dinner and headed off to the palace.

As I sat on the couch once again alone in the cottage, I felt a faint flutter in my lower stomach, I had read that at this point in the pregnancy you could sometimes feel the baby move.

I took it as a sign.

A sign that I could do this.

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Thanks for Reading ❤️

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Taglist (all fics) ->

@cherryjain17 @we-were-beautiful @moonfawnx @aroseinvelaris @daily-dose-of-sass @marvelouslyem @moonlightazriel @indaybella99 @gray08 @dreamsofivy @gorgeouslysent @viradeity @kennedy-brooke @maddistyles17 @thewarriormoon @pixiestix13 @lucyysthings @a-frog-with-a-laptop @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @purplevitagen @devilsfoodcake22 @lillithathecat @baby-is-crying @nightcourtwritings @lastwandastan @marudersarehot @georgiastars13 @percyjacksonspeen @inpraizeof @piebymesstuff @maviee @theravenphoenix26 @sunnys-interests @ahahah-noo @hiza-46 @humanpersonlasttimeichecked

Taglist (Azriel Only) ->

@ellievickstar @supersoldierswhxre @marina468 @positivewitch @holb32 @meghan52300 @lookingformarissa @wavrica @bigcreatorwombatdreamer

#azriel x reader #azriel x y/n #lucien vanserra #helion #rhysand x feyre #night court #day court #acotar #acotar series #acotar fanfiction #acotar fanfic #acotar angst #bookish-whore

[catboybiologist]

Weird ramble and asking for advice here.

When talking about biology, I sometimes run into a problem where I don't even realize that the level I'm talking about is beyond what most people think about. That isn't supposed to be a brag, its literally this often-memed xkcd:

I have a point/vent here.

I'm kinda prepping to come out to my parents in probably about a week and a half. I'm terrified, tbh. I'm kinda realizing that this is me with gender too.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm going to be coming out to two people who are on the borderline of boomer and gen X who have never extensively interacted with a trans person in their life. I wrote a document to come out to them, and I'm trying to emphasize that their acceptance shouldn't be contingent on understanding. But I also know that they'll want to understand, even in an accepting, "get to know me" kind of way.

Thing is, I'm a decade or more into self exploration and realization, theory and rabbit holes about gender, synthesis of biology concepts with the way I understand gender, and they, well... they're not.

So what I'm doing now is going back to a lot of video essays, online resources, and the like, and trying to think about what would both accurately describes my experiences, but is also at a level where they won't just understand- but they won't write it off as being "overcomplicated" or "wishywashy". And that's.... hard. Because the video I want to show them is this:

(btw, I love Lily Alexandre to death, please check her out)

I don't think this'll go over their heads, but I do think they just won't pay attention because of how.... "not set in stone" it is? Thing is, this video, especially the early parts, are pretty much exactly what I want to get them to understand. If you saw my vents earlier, both of them (but my dad is louder about it) have said that people transition to "escape" something, or as a result of some kind of mental health crisis, and usually have regrets.

But I don't know how to get that through to them.

Idk. The thing I'm trying to emphasize is that I'm a biologist, and an adult, with a light sprinkling of "you have 0 financial control over me", but I'm worried about them worrying. About them making an enormous deal in their heads about something that they think is a cry for help, or a sign of something else.

Idk. I guess I'm asking for advice. Which is- what are the best "intro to trans" videos or resources for parents of adults? Most of the things I can find are explicitly aimed at parents with children much, much younger than me, and talk about things like support in schools and such. I don't even need my parents to support me, I just need them to not work actively to hurt me or themselves.

#trans #transgender #lgbtq #Youtube

[anthoneus]

I HAVE THOUGHTS!

I have thoughts about the finale and I would usually have waited to be able to make sense of them but I can’t wait so here you go void.

*SPOILERS ARE MENTIONED*

I’m highly convinced that somewhere along the way we’re going to see a bit of a redemption of Alastor somewhere down the line.

Maybe not for his overall character, but specifically in how he views people. Or the people around him specifically.

I definitely think he’s already starting to change how he views the other residents of the hotel. He implied heavily to Nifty that he could see himself growing fond of them and states that he enjoyed seeing the connections they made with each other. Seeing as how he’s fond of Nifty its not really hard to think that the same could happen with the others.

What really solidified it for me though was him giving his microphone to Charlie twice. He’s seen without it sure, but he’s never been seen giving it to someone and when you remember that its been stated that his microphone is a part of him physically, that its an extension of him? That its always with him, even if we can’t see it? Alastor literally gave a piece of himself to Charlie.

And when you pair all that up with his verse in the radio tower in the finale?

“Great Alastor altruist died for his friends”

Now I can’t hear so I have subtitles on almost always, so this line being in quotations kinda made me think that he was either freaking out about seeming like a kind person who was losing his edge or that this was something he had planned but the look on his face was saying something completely different.

That is the face of a man who is freaking the fuck out because of what his attachment to this hotel, and most likely the people in it, almost cost him. This is him slipping, he is losing control and he can’t figure out how to stop.

As a matter of fact, him slipping throughout that portion of the song tells me that these people are changing him and he’s not exactly happy about it. He’s always shown in control, even when he was facing Lucifer. He never let it show on his face how much the guy was bothering him. I think his want for freedom so he can pull the strings himself is a legitimate want of his but one could argue that it could just be him wanting to be in control of his own autonomy 100%. It’s a theme we see pretty often in media, the ones with no control desperately desire to be the controller.

Individually these all seem like small insignificant details but when you weave it all together it’s not hard for me to imagine that he could be given a redemption arc. Maybe not in the form of him going to heaven, but a redemption arc nonetheless; but I can also see him slipping all the way and becoming an antagonist to the hotel before it happens.

Overall I can’t wait to see what season 2 will bring us. And I will support our chaotic radio man until the end of time!

#alastor #hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #idk where my obsession with this man came from #but im not mad about it #hazbin hotel theory #hazbin hotel finale #alastor theory #alastor the radio demon

[peace-love-and-french-toast]

Severus Snape rant

Disclaimer: I don't support JK Rowling's views and I'm not a TERF. TERFs, DNI for you.

Sorry for ranting, y'all. I'll try to keep things quick (note from the future: be warned. I failed). Spoilers and mentions of friendship toxicity and bullying under the cut.

By the way, for this I am generally talking about regular canon. When I discuss things people think about this, the headcanons are generally assumed to go alongside regular canon to complement it. I understand that there are fix-it fics out there where everyone is happy, and while I love that, I'm talking about how JK Rowling let it play out.

UPDATE:

Don’t interact with this post if you only want to insult me/my writing style. I am not accusing anyone of doing this, but I can see that there is a very definitive downward spiral, and I don’t want to see the bottom of it. However, I am willing to listen to arguments until things turn into personal attacks.

I don’t care that much about Snape: just a few lines on a page. I understand people have strong opinions on him (me too!). That’s fine. But I’m a real person, just like all the people on this platform (well, except bots). Let’s embrace that, and focus on the fact that we are all, in the end, Harry Potter fans.

Kat out.

Let me start with this: Severus Snape shouldn't be with Lily.

To keep to the simple stuff and the things most people can agree on first, no one "deserves" Lily. In this post, I was nearly guilty myself of talking like this, but please keep in mind: Lily Evans is not some kind of consolation prize, something given out to whoever is deemed the most worthy, the most angsty, whatever. Regardless of Snape's virtues (or lack of them: but give me a sec) he won't somehow earn the right to be in a romantic pairing with Lily. In all the stuff on the table in terms of how Lily viewed Snape, she wanted a platonic relationship. So that's part of what I have an issue with: talking about canon as if there was any part of romantic thing on the table. Lily never had a crush on Snape. It was a one-sided thing.

Now, to controversy. Let's address some common reasons for why people say Lily shouldn't have ditched Snape and why these shouldn't excuse his behavior. Keep in mind I'm talking about things that happened before Lily's death, because after death doesn't really matter to her. She's dead by then.

Snape had a bad home/school life.

That's true. But he then chose to continue the cycle of pain by joining a pureblood supremacist group and calling fellow students slurs?

2. The Marauders did some terrible stuff to him.

I really need a disclaimer here. THIS WAS TERRIBLE, AND I HATED IT, AND THE MARAUDERS WERE COMPLETELY IN THE WRONG HERE.

But this post isn't defending the Marauders, it's arguing that Lily was justified in choosing to let go of their friendship.

Anyway, this is an irrelevant excuse for why Lily should remain friends with him, because she thought this was terrible too... and then Severus screamed a slur at her when she was trying to help him. Way to go, Snape.

3. He loved Lily.

Hold up. Stop the clock.

Wut.

Wut.

Okay, this needs to be a new section. Let's call it:

Being In Love With Someone Doesn't Excuse Your Actions Towards Them

Quick story time, cause this section uses an extensive metaphor. IRL, I used to be best friends with this girl. She was toxic and refused to change.

Her excuses for why I should keep hanging out with her?

Current mental health situation.

Things just "slipped out". (Yeah, Snape LITERALLY USED THIS EXACT EXCUSE)

I was really important to her (So was Lily to Snape)

I stopped being friends with this girl regardless, because her actions harmed my mental health, isolated me, etc.

(And before someone says friendship is different etc. she had a crush on me two Valentine's days in a row and I'm unsure if she still does)

These are all excuses. Let's define that word for a second.

"attempt to lessen the blame attaching to (a fault or offense); seek to defend or justify." -Oxford Languages from Google.

Contrast with an apology, where someone actually tries to make things better. Snape constantly gives excuses. His apology comes much, much too late in the form of begging Lily. Now, with my own toxic friend, she also claimed to want to make things better.

In the case of both Snape and Toxic Friend, they'd continually insisted it wasn't their fault, ignoring the problems in the relationship and not making an effort to fix them. By the time Lily and I broke things off, we'd made up our minds. We turned away and felt good about it, because they negatively impacted our lives.

Maybe Snape was in love. Maybe my friend really wanted to be friends with me. Both are probable.

Still, neither followed through on the steps necessary for a good friendship.

Depersonification, aka Lily is a Person Not A Shiny Toy, Severus

Crack open your books, hit play on the movie, or simply recall as we all remember how Snape looked at Lily.

In the books (won't mention the movies because I didn't watch them) he looks at Lily and Harry sees "undisguised greed" in his eyes. Um...

Snape's fine with hurting Petunia, figuratively and literally.

He ignores what Lily is actually trying to say to him once she tells him what he wants to hear.

And calling her Mudblood. (Can't help myself interrupting here: I myself never 'just accidentally' call someone a racial slur. That's because I don't use them, so they aren't exactly waiting on the tip of my tongue).

All of the things he does are in there for a reason. JK Rowling is trying to unsettle us, and she succeeded. Snape seems to view Lily as an accomplishment, an achievement, a plaything to be admired.

Why?

He never takes Lily's feelings into consideration. Not once until it negatively impacts him. Look at where he comforts Lily: when it looks like they've made a mistake and hurt Petunia.

When Lily gives up on him.

And I know: there was more, there was more, there was more.

Potions homework done together.

Eager chatter between classes.

It's not black and white.

But these are the scenes JK Rowling has decided will give you the best impression of their friendship. She didn't pick tender scenes with cocoa and cookies because that isn't a theme in this friendship.

And onwards to:

They Used To Be Friends, Why Did Lily Stop Talking To Him Like This

It's hard to know what a person is truly like. You only know what people show you, and they hold back the worst of themselves at first. In Lily's first scenes, she doesn't know everything. She doesn't see the greedy looks he gives her. He is a new boy about her age who understands her like nobody else in town could.

Years go by. He calls people like her "Mudblood", he makes friends with awful classmates who do illegal and immoral things and are rumored to be training for war. The other side of the war, the one that kills people.

He shows her the worse sides.

By the time he calls her Mudblood, she has already tried to stop him from going down the wrong path. He's ignored her and ignored her and she finally snaps.

Can you blame her?

This apology seems like yet another excuse, a means to an end of keeping her by his side.

She's had enough.

Conclusion

So concludes the saga of Lily and Severus.

As he makes his decisions and she hers, Lily perishes saving a son whom Snape will later torment in her classes.

Harry grows up.

Snape oversees the creation of a school designed for indoctrination, watching passively as cruciatus curses are dished out. Her son meets him on the battlefield.

Voldemort gets to Snape first.

And thus, Snape meets his end.

And that's it, because things work out like that sometimes. Snape chose his path in life. Lily responded accordingly. And years later, he continued to stay stagnant in character growth, even becoming a child's worst fear from his unequally distributed cruelty.

A note:

If you disagree, feel free to debate me! I enjoy calm discussions. HOWEVER, please remember that we are all, in the end, people with lives and feelings, so don’t scream at me if you don’t agree with what I’ve said here.

#severus snape #harry potter #anti severus snape #snape #lily evans #lily potter #lily evans potter #long post #rant post #toxic relationship #don’t hate me #snape and lily #snily #severus and lily

[chaotic-archaeologist]

How do I politely tell a professor they’re full of shit??

My prof gave us some practice questions to do over the weekend on Friday afternoon and then on Saturday afternoon posted on our online classroom that they’re actually due as an assignment Monday morning.

I’m working all weekend and if she had given us any warning or told us Friday in class I would have been able to do it but now I don’t have time. How can I email her and explain that she’s being unreasonable??

Here is the golden rule of being a student:

You never, ever tell a professor they're full of shit BEFORE GRADES ARE IN.

You save that stuff for the course review and feedback forms. Write something on ratemyprofessor if you want to. But keep your feelings about this to yourself, at least for the time being.

If you do want to say something, say it carefully and appeal to the reality of the situation. An email like this might suffice:

Dear Professor X, On Friday afternoon you gave the class X work that was worth Y points and due at Z date. (If you have a screenshot of the course website or other proof of the original circumstances, you can include that here.) Later, you changed the parameters to [whatever they are now]. I have to work to support myself, and my hours this weekend will not permit me to finish the assignment on time. Would you be willing to give me an extension so I can complete the assignment around my shifts? Best, Your Name

Your school may have a policy that prevents professors from making snap changes like this, especially if they're not on the syllabus. You can go that route, but you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. If this kind of behavior becomes a pattern, it might be worth pursuing further, but the truth of the matter is that there is very little anyone can do to control how a professor administers their class.

Most professors are also willing to work with students who need accommodations for various reasons, such as working or taking care of family members. I think a politely worded email will go a lot further toward getting a reasonable solution (you will still have to do the assignment, but with an extended deadline) than expression your (valid) frustration. That's an unfortunate part of playing the game that is higher education.

If the professor is receptive to something like this, and this sort of deadline continues to crop up during the class, you might see if they'd be willing to grant you a blanket exception where you turn in assignments during the week after you have time to work on them. That saves you both the trouble of having to renegotiate deadlines every time.

Good luck, -Reid

#he speaks #academic advice

[antianakin]

@theneutralmime

I don't know that I think it would mean she'd receive LESS scrutiny, just DIFFERENT scrutiny.

A lot of the other concepts are just vastly different stories from the one they ended up telling. The confrontation on Mustafar where Padme brings a knife is sort-of connected to the original idea they had that Padme is aware that Anakin's untrustworthy and has turned on him already and is basically spying on him because she and some other Senators believe he's in league with Palpatine's corruption and treachery. I read somewhere that that really saccharine scene they have on the balcony (the "So love has blinded you" scene) was part of that storyline and the reason it was so nauseatingly sweet is because Padme is basically putting on an act to deceive him here and it turns out there's other people listening in or something.

So Padme bringing the knife to Mustafar is an extension of the fact that Padme has already turned against Anakin and been working against him for the entire film. Which is a WILDLY different story than the one they ended up with which was that Padme was genuinely still in love with him the entire time and believed in him and only realizes he's dangerous and how far gone he is when she goes to Mustafar.

By contrast, adding in the deleted scenes of Padme working on taking down Palpatine with the Loyalists change very little if anything at all, which is why most people just kind-of slot that back into canon because it's very very easy to do so without changing the story at all.

I personally LIKE the original concept of Padme realizing Anakin's dangerous and untrustworthy earlier, even if she can't bring herself to kill him in the end. I think it fits a little bit more with her characterization from TPM that she would ultimately have the romance fade away and start to recognize Anakin's flaws that she can't quite brush off as something he'll just get over in time or that her love can fix him or whatever it is we're supposed to assume she does in canon. I think it works FOR ME that whatever it is that comes over Padme in AOTC would wear off eventually and that she's intelligent enough to not let it consume her entirely.

That being said, going that direction doesn't fix anything in AOTC. It doesn't help explain why Padme loved him to begin with and how uncomfortable and clunky their romance is. So it's entirely possible to make an argument that it was better to just commit to Padme being completely blinded by the romance until the bitter end, to have Padme also be selfish in her love, rather than sort-of... walk that back in ROTS and have her change her mind. So I don't think that this concept invites less scrutiny, just a different kind of scrutiny.

I think there IS depth to Padme as she is in canon, it just might not be depths that are all that likable lol. I also think that they are depths that are perhaps not explored all that well. But the fact that Padme goes against her own morals in order to enter into a relationship with Anakin and is someone who canonically keeps lying to herself about him so that she can keep that happy fluffy feeling he gives her is absolutely an indication of depth. It's just that the depth shows us that Padme is kind-of selfish, that she's willing to brush off things like Anakin supporting a dictatorship and Anakin massacring an entire village and Anakin committing a genocide and destroying the Republic so that she doesn't have to let go of the way he makes her feel.

That's no less depth than they gave Anakin. It's just that a lot of people like to view Padme as this very moral person who is always fighting for what's right all the time, etc etc and so the idea of Padme being selfish and toxic feels out of character and like it kind-of cheapens her. Which is fair, I've definitely felt that way myself and I do think that the narrative doesn't quite explore her enough to help connect these two sides of her.

But personally I don't mind letting Padme be someone who is also selfish and unwilling to let go, that she's someone who has also given up on some of her desires for a family in order to live a life in service and, in many ways, REGRETS that choice even though she can't let go of that, either. And so when she decides she wants something she can't have, instead of making the moral choice to let go of one of those things in order to keep the other, she just decides to live a lie so she can keep both. I don't mind the idea that the 14 year old Queen from TPM went through so much when her planet was invaded, was forced to make so many hard choices that were seemingly against her morals just to do what she had to in order to save her people, that she's now sort-of morally gray and willing to do selfish things because "hasn't she given enough" and doesn't she deserve just one thing for herself?

I think there's a lot of anger in Padme, at her situation, at the Republic, at her people, at her Queen, and at herself most of all. I think she sees a lot of that in Anakin, a mirror of her own struggles and doubts and desires. In TPM, the moral thing to do wasn't always the RIGHT thing to do (like the pod race, or the vote of no confidence, or asking the Gungans for an army so she could lead them to war), and I think we see the impact of that on Padme in AOTC. She still WANTS to do the moral things, she still is trying to keep the Republic from going to war, she still advocates for the Republic as an institution that has flaws but is far better than any alternative.

But she's angry and she's tired and she's given up her dreams to be here doing this because people asked her to and it's the right thing to do and because some part of her I think can't live without being in service to her people. She doesn't know who she is without it, which is why she can't let go of it to be with Anakin any more than Anakin is capable of letting go of his desire to be a Jedi to be with Padme. Padme connects to Anakin's anger, at the Jedi, at the Republic, and most of all at himself. She gets it. But most of the time, Padme doesn't act on it and she believes that that means Anakin won't either, which is why she can brush off the Tusken massacre as at worst just a one-time thing as a response to the murder of his mother and firmly believe that Anakin would never kill Jedi younglings only three years later.

She connects to all the worst parts of Anakin because they're a mirror of her own darkness in a lot of ways, but she can't really bring herself to acknowledge her own darkness and so she's equally incapable of acknowledging Anakin's.

I have a love/hate relationship with Padme, I liked her as a kid and so there's a lot of nostalgia helping me along with her, but I also think there are some really interesting concepts floating around for Padme, some of which exist in her story and some of which exist only in the spaces in-between, the silences we're left with to try to explain why she does the things she does.

I think that a lot of representations of Padme tend to lean towards a particularly 2D version of her that I'm less invested in, this perfect honorable person who always does the right thing. I'm not as into that Padme, but I get why people do. I think that version of Padme is the one I'd be more frustrated with though, in terms of her choices regarding Anakin, because someone with perfect honorable morals should NOT be so willing to condone and encourage what Anakin does, or even the things he says. That perfect version of Padme seems irritatingly contradictory with her behavior in the films and TCW. And so, sometimes, it's really hard to like her, it's really hard to believe Padme was a good person any better than Anakin, it's hard to not think Luke and Leia were just as better without her as they were without Anakin, that Padme is just a pushover and an enabler and little else.

But I like digging into Padme, trying to figure out what makes her tick, what would connect her to someone who seems to opposite of everything she claims to stand for, someone who doesn't seem to really respect her all that much, someone who is so dangerous and unstable. What draws her to that? I LIKE her, I like her messiness, I like her flaws, I like that she's selfish and complicated and awful and that she makes choices in private that contradict the grand morals she claims to live by in public. I connect to her in a way I never have to Anakin, despite how similar I think they are.

So, sure, I like the concept of Padme slipping a little and getting swept up in the romance only to realize she's made a massive mistake and that Anakin is dangerous and untrustworthy and turning against him pre-ROTS, even as a part of her continues to love him and the fantasy she built up in her head. I think it fits in nicely with what we know of her in TPM and could've been a really great and cool story. But I also like what we DO have of Padme in canon, where she's incredibly flawed and a mirror to Anakin in so many ways and that the trauma of her experience in TPM sort-of pushes her to take this one selfish thing and it leads to her own doom because she can't let go of things any more than Anakin can, she's just less dangerous and more expendable. I think there's merit and value in both and I think that both versions of Padme COULD be equally deep and interesting if explored in the right way.

#star wars #padme amidala

[ineffabildaddy]

Hi sam! since the new year is approaching rapidly, i wanted to ask my favorite creators (that includes you! your fics and your posts delight me) how they look back on their 2023 tumblr year and which blogs made them happy to be here. i am very happy to follow you and hope you'll have a great 2024! 💘

hi!!! thank you so so much for this, a few months ago i couldn't even imagine being so active in the tumblr community again, let alone anyone's favourite anything!!!!

i've been very fortunate to receive the warmest of welcomes back to tumblr after a 7-year absence, and i've received so much support for my writing (and my shitposts lol) that this whole experience of finally joining the good omens fandom has genuinely given me a newfound confidence in my creative self, and in myself as a whole💙

in terms of the blogs that make me happy to be here... they are many!!! i shall put the rest of this post under the cut

@raining-stars-somewhere-else thank you for being my first go friend and now one of my closest buddies!!! i can't wait for us to finally write that fic together (lol) and for us to get up to some irl london shenanigans at some point✨ ur hilarious and kind and so correct about literally everything and i love u. literally everyone needs to read ur posts bc they're so well-thought out and unique. also your fics are really moving and human (even though they're about crowley and aziraphalekldfjgjl) and i adore them

@sad-chaos-goblin we literally just Get Each Other, same brain and all, and i absolutely love it!!! i couldn't ask for a better horny consultant bc after all it is Our Pornography™. you're also just an extremely understanding, open and lovely person, not to mention very fun and exciting to be friends with hehe. ur headcanons are so fucking interesting (and sometimes sad, how dare u do this to me) and i'm looking forward to hearing more when u eventually get round to writing all those fics you've got ideas for<3

@foolishlovers i'm really really happy we've got to know each other better over the past couple weeks!!!!! your xmas fic is one of my absolute favourite fics ever and i'm in awe with your skill and craft, i hope to write something as well-rounded and enjoyable as that someday<3 also you're one of my favourite posters, so fucking funny and u just make points left right and centre. i hope we can share our writing and our thoughts about life in general more in 2024!!!

@crowleyslvt i'm very happy i barged my way into your dms to be horny on main bc i definitely wouldn't've explored half the things i've explored in my writing if not for our discussions and your encouragement!!! i absolutely love talking writing and sexy headcanons with you, but above that i love that i'm now mates with such a talented, considerate, hilarious kiwi lad. i am honoured to be one of the little guys in ur phone who gets to hype up u as an exceedingly great porn writer but also as a legend in general

@voluptatiscausa no one understands my feralness for michael sheen like you do. i can go batshit insane in the dms over ms and dt with u and that space is important to me dlgkljdgldfjgl. i'm really glad i started reading ur writing this year bc it's very enjoyable, but it's also healing for me as a person who's [whispers] a traumatised and cripplingly shy person in terms of sex lmao. thank you for bestowing it upon ao3, and by extension, upon me!!!! also tho, you're a really nurturing and interesting friend to have, not to mention a Very Cool one so continue to be that pls and thanks

@bowtiepastabitch i've felt very honoured to hear about parts of your life as you share them with me - Knowing The Lore is so important to me and i'm humbled that you've trusted me with some of the stuff that's been happening in your world<3 on another note, your fanart may be quick but it's never shitty, it's always so expressive and fun and gets my brain Thinking Thoughts. i can't express how wonderful it was when you made a wee bit of fanart for one of my fics, and i hope i continue to see ur creativity shine✨

thank you to my favourite blogs for Existing Throughout 2023 (some of whom i know i can call friends, and the rest of whom i'd like to call friends in the future!!!) @sabotage-on-mercury @crowleys-bentley-and-plants @ineffableigh @celestialcrowley @queer-reader-07 @crowleyraejepsens @teddybearbutchh @crowleyholmes @ineffable-rohese @createserenity @quoththemaiden @procrastiel @sentientsky @genderqueer-hippie @beelzzzebub @lineffability @fellshish @greenthena @brainwormcity @opscuritas @tangerine-ginger @iammyownproblematicfave @crikey01 @crawley-fell @vroomvroomwee @bildads-shoes @shoemakerobstetrician @romansmartini @wraithee

i know i'll have forgotten people so i'll add em as i remember em hehehehe

#kinda good omens #personal #asks #ineffabildaddy

[osaemu]

extension of this post

please please reblog if you enjoyed whatever i posted. just liking the post essentially does nothing for me, and while i do appreciate the gesture it doesn't actually help me get more traffic into my blog or into the work itself. there's a reason i always add a "reblogs very appreciated" sentence at the end of everything i post, and it's really discouraging when something i write gets thousands of likes but just around 300 reblogs. again, i really do appreciate all the interactions nonetheless, but just liking the post doesn't actually help me as a creator. all you have to do to support me is hit the reblog button instead — this isn't instagram. there's no algorithm here.

so i started writing smut maybe a month or a month and a half ago, and it was kind of a shock when i saw the difference in notes between the genres. the highest amount of notes i've received on a sfw fic is almost 4000, which is still a lot but not nearly as impressive as over 13000 on a smut fic that i hardly put any effort into. i'm glad that people enjoy the smut i write, but it's just a little frustrating when something i put more effort into gets significantly less recognition than something i wrote on a whim. for example, my most popular work to date, the 'free to talk' one. i genuinely disliked it as i wrote it but didn't want to waste it, so i posted it just to satisfy the part of me that didn't want to scrap it. somehow, the drabble that i barely put any time into got the most notes i've ever received, and again while i really am grateful for the interactions, it just rubs me the wrong way that something like that can get more traffic than something i wrote and genuinely liked writing.

lately i've been receiving a lot of asks, definitely more than i used to get and i just wanted to say thank you to everyone, anon or not who sent me them! i actually really like receiving asks, and i've heard stories that creators used to get significantly more than they do now. i've made posts asking people to send me asks because some days my inbox is empty and others there's a couple asks in there, but overall i find it odd that i can have thousands of followers and still receive little to no interaction on a bad day. so yea just send me an ask anytime, even if it's just the most insignificant thing ever, like idk a tiktok edit you saw or something that happened in your day, i'd love to hear about it!

if anyone read all the way down here thank u sm i love u

#✧ — stfu

[currantlee]

(I didn't find this cutscene by itself on YouTube in English, so y'all are gonna have to deal with a link to a specific timestamp in the video - anyway, here's the Japanese version sans subtitles)

Okay, but can we talk about the Revelation ending cinematic for a second, please?

Like, I know this game is several years old at this point, but this cinematic is still so perfect, like, come on!! Apart from the strellar video quality that all of the 3DS games have, there is so much love and detail in just this one scene.

You have eight characters in the scene, and none of them are standing around and doing nothing. This is obviously not counting Corrin, who is really more of a stand-in for the player in this scene - also, funfact!

Theoretically, you should see Corrin in this shot since in the end of the cutscene, when the little sisters drag Corrin to the rest of the siblings, they're running in the direction of the trees in the background, indicating that this is where Corrin should stand. But they're not in this shot.

Regardless, having eight characters in one scene and each of them not just say something, but do something (rather than just standing by idly until it's time to say their lines) is impressive! Even more impressive is that the things they do are not just standard / repetitive motions, but rather small details that are easy to miss, yet so in-character. I put some of my personal highlights under the cut - what are yours?

Right before the little sisters run towards them, Camilla smiles and gives Corrin / the player a little wave, and it's the sort of smile that we rarely see from this character - a very sincere smile that reaches her eyes.

Very easy to miss, but I love how just before the little sisters run to Corrin, Takumi (and, less obviously, Leo too!) look lovingly at their little sisters (whom both of them are shown to have a close relationship to in the supports, it's such a nice touch IMO!), while Camilla and Hinoka are looking at Corrin, and Xander and Ryoma are looking at the scene unfolding in front of them.

There is also this cute interaction Takumi initiates with Leo, which I find especially cool because after Ryoma and Xander make their vow to keep peace and Elise cheers that Sakura and her can be friends now, Takumi remarks how he wishes it were that easy to forgive, and Leo responds by saying that healing can only begin with trust - which is not only very true in my experience, it's one of my favorite lines from the entire game. If you take anything away from Fates as a story, it should be this.

So anyway, Takumi seems to think about Leo's words a bit before he nods and agrees. So regardless of whether you ship Leokumi or not (I do, and this interaction is definitely a bonus to me), you can kind of see this interaction as an extension to Takumi's agreement from earlier, where he specifically decides to trust and befriend Leo.

The next part of this interaction is a bit harder to see because the camera pans to the sisters. Camilla and Hinoka have a little interaction with Sakura and Elise. Hinoka even bends down so they're on the same level (cool aunt character indeed), and it looks like they're moving their lips to actually say something, even though that's not part of the dialogue. Xander and Ryoma also watch this unfold (while Leo gets shoved in a friendly way by Takumi).

Leo, judging by his expression, did not expect this and is not exactly happy about in the first second of surprise. You can actually see him breathe heavily directly after stumbling forward, indicating that he was indeed startled by this. However, he then goes on to laugh it off, like "haha, you got me". Meanwhile, Takumi does not instantly turn around to Corrin again, but actually takes a step towards Leo and even turns to him for a bit, as if to make sure he's okay. The other siblings (safe for Elise) also turn to them briefly.

By the way, at the end of the scene, Takumi's hand is still on Leo's back. Also, Camilla is actually the last one to turn around to face the camera / Corrin. Instead, she takes a long look at the united families until her gaze lands at Corrin when the screen already fades to white.

#Fire Emblem #Fire Emblem Fates #FE Fates #FE Fates Revelation #Ryoma #Xander #Hinoka #Camilla #Takumi #Leo #Sakura #Elise #Cinematic #Cutscene #Leokumi #Meta #FE Meta #Currantlee here #Currantlee fangirling #Long Post

[nerdieforpedro]

🦴

🍓

🥤

Please!

🦴 = a piece of media that inspires my writing?

Not really one set piece. More like music in general does. I often listen to lofi beats when writing or my writing playlist to set the mood of what I’m trying to write. Or it could be music I’m listening to in the car or waiting somewhere could lead to some bullet points that become a fic. 😆

🍓= what led me to write fanfic in the first place?

Going deep here aren’t you Em? 👀 lol I’ve enjoyed writing since I was little as an extension of my love of reading. First with poems and the anime fanfiction when I actually watch more anime. Now I read more manga and don’t write fanfiction about it. If one squints on A03 - I may have dabbled in Marvel characters and actors for a short time. 🫢 The took a long pause as life happened. Sometime last year as my mental health improved so did my love of writing and I hyper focused on Pedro Pascal so here we are. 🤣 I write more the better my mood is. Maybe a bit too much background 😵

🥤= recommend and author or fic you love

Ugh just one? Dammit. 😒 I shall not! I’ll do eight because there are no favorites! Only peeps we support! And I can’t really call any of them number one I enjoy them all too much. 🥰

1. @morallyinept Pretty much anything you read of Jett’s will be beautiful, sensual, take you to a far away place or have needing to remove clothing - possibly from reading the same fic. 😆 She covers a wide variety of Pedro characters and is a wealth of knowledge on them. She also is just really talented and sweet.

2. @maggiemayhemnj Sure Ms. Payday doesn’t have a long Masterlist but every fic on there is worth reading for her turns of phases, vivid descriptions and her love of both Joel and Ezra. 💕

3. @megamindsecretlair One of my fellow black writers who keeps readers thirsty and eager for more with her Sam, Bucky and Loki series (all of which I need to catch up on or finish 👀) and is a hilarious person as she is kind.

4. @soft-girl-musings Another fellow black writer who’s “Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps” 1920’s or 40’s (I’m not great with telling time obviously 🙄 ) has me wondering what’s going to happen next, what is going on in that club and where else am I going to see curly haired Marcello is going to pop up at. 🤣

5. @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin The Mistress of Agnst. Her masterlist is for those who aren’t afraid to explore the darker side and stories that may not have happy endings but you’ll still feel satisfied that to finished it. To feel another type of satisfaction, you’ll need to read her smut and seek your other completion there. ☺️ You’ll be thankful for both rides.

6. @pedroshotwifey A newer moot to me who has equal parts smut, agnst and dabs of darkness in there. What can I say? I like dark fics if they’re just right. Like I like my crime dramas and cop procederals. 🤣 She and I have a good time supporting each other and exchanging thots. Her “To The Flame” series has set the reader up for what may be a spectacular fall or maybe she’ll find her way out? Only she knows.

7. @magpiepills Ezra’s second wife (because @morallyinept is his first wife and I think @maggiemayhemnj is the paramour - because it sounds fancy) The amount of filthy things she’s had him do both with one arm and two is something everyone should read twice. I also especially enjoyed her fic “Aquarius” which a whore version of Javier Peña that spoke strongly to me. Or maybe parts of me, let’s not split hairs. 🤭

8. @angelofsmalldeath-codeine She’ll say she’s not a writer. BUT as all writers know, we don’t do very well if someone isn’t reading stuff we toss out into the ether. Hemmy is as supportive as they come, reblogging and offering many a thot as both the High Chancellor of the Horny Delegation and as a friend. ❤️ Plus she supports my very soft bois Dieter and Javi G. 😆 She I think was one of the main reasons I wrote more of “Weddings 101 with Dieter.” She asked me something along the lines of, “is there more to this? This is a very cool or unique premise.” As she well knows, just tell me I did something well and I’m happy as a pearl in a clam. 🤣

Fanfic author ask game

Thanks for the ask Em! Just know I pretty much write paragraphs because I gotta explain. 🤭 I’m Nerdie and I’m wordy. 😚 I had to make one bad joke. You have to be able to tell it’s me.

#fanfic authors #fanfic author ask game #fanfiction #such fun #i wanted to make sure I answered as best I could #there’s so many more writers I could mention #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal fanfiction

[vivalioo]

Hi! Can I get some headcanons about the stardust crusaders crew with a s/o that has a stand that has the ability to make an enemy stand user laugh so hard by emitting a laughing gas? it basically give's other stand user's an opening to get a hit in on the enemy. and the stand itself looks like a small cute clown.(literally the size of heaven's door)

Bonus: the S/o wants to be a stand-up Comedian.

I LOVE WHERE YOUR MIND IS AT if you haven't already you should totally make this an OC because I'd love to see this idea come to life!! Also I feel like I'm definitely the target audience for this. My nickname was giggles in highschool because I couldn't stop laughing all the time and it'd be so contagious also I LOVE CLOWNS!! Thank you for this request it is chefs kiss 

I don't believe any warnings apply here, oh but I did realize right as I finished writing this that I have the habit of inserting the reader into the story of part 3 for requests instead of making general headcanons so if that bothers anybody that requests for SDC pls feel free to ask for general headcanons! 

Without further ado some hcs for @lumithegremlin for an s/o with a clown stand who emits laughing gas!! :D Hope you enjoy

Jotaro Kujo

-Jotaro probably wouldn't be very enthusiastic about you coming along with the crusaders to Egypt, but hear me out okay

-He has a lot of concerns about whether or not your laughing gas would be enough to keep enemy stand users at bay, he'd rather not see you get hurt, especially if he can help it! This concern probably manifests itself outwardly as anger, because we all know how bad he is with his feelings 

-Eventually he finds a compromise with you, that allows you to be in his sight at all times while you work together to subdue enemies

-Whether he actually communicates this to you or it's just how things work out from his stubborn nature is up to you

-Aside from the rocky start he generally appreciates your presence, especially when you make every moment lighter with some wisecracks! He doesn't laugh out loud or break into a smile too often, he's more of an exhale through the nose kind of guy. 

-Maybe even a groan or "gimme a break" if a joke is especially cheesy 

-But he definitely wouldn't wanna change anything about you or your humor 

-He also teases you a little bit for your stand's appearance— by extension he calls you a clown as a term of endearment<3

Noriaki Kakyoin

-Kakyoin greatly admires the ability of your stand, he thinks it's a nice contrast to some of the more gruesome and dangerous abilities you both have encountered up until this point 

-At first he worried a bit that maybe you shouldn't be involved in this journey, mostly because he doesn't want to see someone who's nature of their fighting spirit is literally so wholesome in such gruesome battles, but he has a lot of faith in you to hold your own

-And he'll certainly encourage you to lean on him for support! He'll also do everything in his power to keep you safe and work with you when you fight

-He's just so thankful for your company, he loves your humor a lot and will sort of calmly respond to your anecdotes and jokes with small quips of his own. I don't think he jokes around a lot but he definitely has a sense of humor in there, and you tend to bring it out with ease!

Jean Pierre Polnareff

-Polnareff absolutely adores your stand and it's ability! You two would be an unstoppable duo— between your stand's laughing gas as a distraction— and his Silver Chariot who brings a swift end to any of your opponents! 

-Because of that I feel like he'll always insist you work together or at the very least stay by his side, totally not because he just wants you all to himself lolol

-He's also your number one fan when it comes to your stand-up career, if you like to tell jokes during the trip he's probably the easiest to make laugh and it's always obnoxiously loud 

-But he just adores you a lot and will find anything you say funny really

-He's also one of the best people to joke around with, you remember that submarine scene with the hand signals from the gif? Yeah you're definitely involved there somewhere 

Muhammad Avdol

-Avdol is such a sweetheart I love him, I honestly can't see him having any problem with your stand at all

-He's the most outwardly supportive when it comes to you, especially with you wanting to be a stand-up comedian. It's crucial for everyone to be in high spirits during this adventure, he finds your humor one of the most important things to preserve! So of course, he'd go any length to protect you

-But you'll have to break him out of his shell initially, he takes his role in the group very seriously and sometimes he's cautious to the point of forgetting to indulge in a little fun now and then

-That's why you two complement each other well! You can see his progression throughout the journey as he starts to allow himself to relax around you and the crusaders. You truly bring out the best in him. And who doesn't love Avdol when he's being mischievous? His first appearance with Polnareff after his 'death' was honestly my favorite, he'll probably look to you for approval with his own practical jokes (even if the nature of this one was pretty extreme. But it was for a good cause!)

Joseph Joestar 

-Okay you can't give me this prompt and not expect me to bring up the desert scene when they were up against The Sun

-The poor guy thought everyone was losing their sanity in there, and he wondered if maybe you were using your ability on everyone else to make them laugh. 

-The fear was short lived though, mostly because he loved you and trusted you enough to know better from you, as well as the fact that the gas would have to affect him as well. Then his concern just grew into the fear that he was losing you too! 

-Okay aside from that I think he finds the nature of your ability pretty fascinating in of itself, something very unconventional for fighting but when used tactfully it can be pretty powerful! 

-He'll probably encourage you to stay away from battle, mostly because your stand is so unconventional as well as the fact that he probably can't protect you very well with Hermit Purple (not that he wouldn't go down without trying anyway)

-He's a little insecure about it, but that's why he needs you with him to talk strategy! He's sure that with your combined skill and power you could get yourselves out of any situation 

-It's very easy to get a laugh out of him, and I'm sure he'll make you laugh quite a few times as well even if unintentionally (because it wouldn't be Joseph if he didn't make a fool out of himself)

-Oh and it's safe to say he absolutely supports your career, he'll do anything he can to help and he'll even try to offer up material for your jokes at any given time 

#jojos bizarre adventure #jjba #stardust crusaders #stardust crusaders x reader #sdc x reader #jjba part 3 #jjba x reader #jotaro kujo x reader #noriaki kakyoin x reader #muhammad avdol x reader #jean pierre polnareff x reader #joseph joestar x reader #requests open #headcanons

[gumnut-logic]

Along the way (Part 5)

Sweetapple | Dear Mr Tracy | Along the way - Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

I wrote over 4000 words today! It's a miracle! This fic has now officially reached the 10,000 word mark :D

Here is the first half, because, yes, I wrote two parts. Next bit tomorrow otherwise it will get confusing.

Many thanks to the amazing @onereyofstarlight for discussing this fic extensively and even for breaking down the concerns in a possible fourth Sweetapple fic :D

And also to those wonderful supporters who despite having to wait over a year for the bits of this fic have still been so kind and lovely to both me and Alex. Look, you have the boi blushing bright red under that pale blond hair of his.

There are a few warnings on this one. Nothing really dire happens, but it comes close in places. So warnings for darkness and being stuck underwater. This is the worst of it, I promise.

I hope you enjoy it anyway.

-o-o-o-

Alex coughed, the dust in the air thick and clogging his throat. The motion reminded him that yes, he had a head injury and no, he shouldn’t be shaking his brain around like that.

The building had settled for the moment and once again there were people calling out for help.

Water was loud in the distance and to his horror, his brain reminded him that the museum was on the banks of the Taruheru River.

Gisborne sat on the merging forks of the Turanganui, of which the Taruheru was one.

The disconnected facts flooded his hurting head, all leading to the terrifying conclusion that the only hill the building could be sliding down was the bank into the river.

Running water mocked him.

Focus.

Analyse.

Act.

Elizabeth was crying again.

The structure still lacked light, which considering he and his mother had chosen this place for lunch…apparently…meant they were under a considerable pile of messed up building.

There was that faint source of light…

Faint was the keyword, but the shadows were lighter to his right.

“Elizabeth?” She was sobbing into his shoulder. “Elizabeth, we can’t stay here.”

The shadow that was her head lifted. “Okay?” It was a whimper.

“We need to find a way to get out.” His feet were hooked into the splintered floor and he was able to twist himself around into more of a climbing stance. It was definitely wood beneath his hands. “The light seems brighter over that way. There might be an opening somewhere up there.” He climbed over her and secured a new footing. “I want you to come with me.”

Honestly, he would be faster by himself, but the thought of leaving Elizabeth behind and then the building moving again…

He found her hand in the dark and squeezed tight. “We’re getting out of here.”

He heard her swallow and the shadow that was her head shifted as if to nod. “Okay.”

“Okay, good.” He brought her hand to the small of his back and transferred her grip to his belt. “Hang on tight.”

She did, immediately, and for a second there, he thought he was going to lose his pants.

For some random reason, Virgil’s face came to mind and he was smirking.

Maybe that was why International Rescue wore jumpsuits?

The smirk turned into a grin.

Hey, you have all the experience. I’m new to this!

Virgil frowned.

Alex pushed the image away, his heart thumping in his chest.

Focus.

The floor was sloped, but it was an uneven angle. In places, the wood had snapped and was spraying out in a fountain of splinters. He hooked his fingers on more than one and wished for those gloves Virgil often shed in Alex’s lab.

His engineering brain was apparently still alive, throwing up ideas for extra protection on those gloves, what was needed to prevent penetration by a multitude of sharp objects. He mentally jotted notes to revisit once they got out of here.

And there was progress on that project as, yes, the light was getting lighter. As they clambered closer, Alex encountered a tough material…canvas?…an awning or maybe one of those cafe umbrellas? In any case, moving it allowed so much more light in. It was like the heavens had opened up, and shone down upon them.

Neither of them said anything as Alex helped Elizabeth to climb out of the remains of the building.

Relief flooded Alex’s heart as the cloudy day pierced his eyeballs and stabbed at his brain.

Until he saw the state of everything around him.

Oh, hell.

It was so obviously an earthquake, his heart broke into pieces.

Elizabeth was leaning on him, her injured leg off the ground. He gestured her over to the what had likely been the steps into the building.

Only to catch sight of what remained of the museum itself.

Calculations and suppositions flooded his brain as he realised the huge pōhutukawa tree. between the Museum’s buildings had toppled over, destabilising the strength of the two structures, undermining one and falling on the other…which contained the cafe and was so obviously on a trajectory towards the swollen river, Alex’s heart nearly broke his ribcage.

“Elizabeth, stay here. See if you can get the attention of emergency services. I’ll try to get the others out.”

“Alex-“ Her eyes were wide.

“If you see a Thunderbird, let them know we need help.” As did everyone in Gisborne. He had no doubt that the Tracys would be here, somewhere. His eyes skipped across the buildings he could see, but he was too close to the river, too low in the landscape to see anything.

Turning towards the hole in the pile of pickup sticks, he crawled back inside.

-o-o-o-

Virgil’s shoulders were aching. They always ached this far into a rescue that required so much exosuit. Padding could only negate so much and accumulated bruising was a thing.

They had been bouncing about the city under the direction of local and GDF services, landing where their technology could do the most.

Many lives had been saved.

Many not.

Perhaps it was a sign of Virgil’s state of mind that he was lingering on the ‘not’ instead of the many successes.

It took mental techniques to juggle the emotions on a long rescue like this. Methods to enable him to focus, stay positive and effective and not be overwhelmed by reality.

It took a toll. It always did and Virgil wouldn’t have it any other way as it showed him why they did this, why he and his brothers sacrificed so much.

But today?

Each time they lifted off, his eyes tracked across the city to the Gisborne Market building John had pinpointed as Alex’s last known location.

John had sent him the tactical profile of that set of older buildings. At least half of one had collapsed, providing all the anxiety-inducing imagery possible.

But he couldn’t afford to be anxious. Nor could he afford to be distracted, worried or any of the other emotions that threatened to overwhelm him because lives were at stake.

All the time.

Rescuees and his brothers.

Scott had darted in a few minutes early than his estimate. A couple of quick words on the safety of TI Mahia and then it was all business.

Though Virgil did note that his big brother had decided Thunderbirds One and Two would work in tandem on this rescue.

So much could be read into that.

But he didn’t have time to ruminate on that either.

Another glance in the direction of Alex and he returned to lifting several tonnes of concrete off a school gymnasium.

-o-o-o-

Alex managed to drag several other people out of the collapsed building before finally locating his mother.

He had been helping another to the exit when he encountered a fallen door.

A cubicle door.

The toilets.

His mum had excused herself while they waited for lunch.

Alex bit his lip and helped the man who, the light revealed, was sporting a cut to his forehead and bleeding quite profusely. He handed him over to Elizabeth and the others who were providing what first aid they could. She again begged him not to go back in, to sit down, to look after himself.

But his mum was in there, somewhere.

And besides, what would a Tracy do? What would a Thunderbird do?

What would Virgil do?

He once again scanned the landscape. The sound of emergency helicopters and hovercraft were everywhere. Smoke drifted up into the sky.

Small groups of people huddled in the street, some calling out for help, some crying, some doing exactly what he was doing.

Going back in.

Stop thinking, just do.

So he did.

The mess inside the collapse was becoming familiar. He negotiated the major obstacles, letting himself slip down to the bottom as quickly as possible, this time aiming for the back of the café.

Past the kitchen…which was empty - he had already helped two people out of that black hole. Fortunately, there was no smell of burning or anything that could lead to a fire…that he could tell.

He didn’t need the smoke outside to remind him that fire was a major threat after an earthquake. Thank goodness, all the gas mains had been retired in the 2040s otherwise his story might have been vastly different.

As had so many in the past.

His head was still hurting and his thoughts kept drifting. He had to force himself to focus so many times. Holographic Scott was frowning at him.

He wasn’t supposed to be in the building.

Hell, he wasn’t even supposed to be mobile.

What would a Tracy do?

What the hell could he do when his mother…

The toilets were at the back of the building and obviously closer to the river. By what he could see, practically in the river.

“Mum?!” His voice bounced off broken brickwork and splintered timber. “Mum?!”

Water churned.

Virgil would have a torch, at least.

The doors to the toilets, or the remains of them, were no longer vertical and gravity had him sliding into them with a thump.

Damnit. “Mum?! Are you in there?” Please, Mum.

Thoughts of his long-lost father scrambled his brain.

“Mum?!” He fell through the doors into total darkness. “Mum?!”

Water sloshed in the darkness.

A sound.

Barely heard.

“Mum?!” His throat hurt.

“Allie?”

His name came from his right, but further into the space. Damnit, he couldn’t see a thing. “Mum?”

“Allie, my foot’s stuck.”

Alex took a step forward.

And fell into the river.

The shock of the cold water stole his breath.

God.

He panicked for a moment, the total darkness so disorienting, he was lost.

Until a flailing foot hit something hard. The pain startled him enough to stop the rising hysteria and…

His head broke the surface, his lungs gasping in a breath as his body righted itself with enough reference to at least orientate up and down.

“Mum?” It was more breath than anything else.

A hand hit his shoulder, grabbed a grip and he was suddenly in his mother’s arms. “Allie, oh, thank god.”

He scooted around in the water, desperate to see his Mum. Of course, it was far too dark for that. Apparently, there was a sink next to them. He found that by bashing his elbow. But Mum was there. His hands found her shoulders, her damp hair, her wet cheek. “Mum, there’s been an earthquake.”

“I know that, love.” Her fingers were brushing away his hair, her palm wrapping around his face. “My foot is stuck.”

“Your foot?”

“Yes, I can’t get it loose.” She moved under his hands obviously pulling to one side.

He blinked water out of his eyes. “Let me look.” As if he could see anything.

He took a breath and feeling his way down his mother’s body he found her ankle caught between what felt like a wall and something equally cold and hard.

He gave the object a shove.

It didn’t move at all.

It didn’t take long for his lungs to demand attention, his head throbbing to the beat of his increasingly frantic heart.

A hand grabbed at his shirt and yanked him upwards.

His gasp as he surfaced abraded his already tight throat.

“Something’s pinning you to the wall.” Another gulped-in-breath. “It’s not budging.”

His mother didn’t answer, her grip on him just tightening for a moment.

Of course, that was the cue for the building to remind them, that, yes, it was sliding into the river and they shouldn’t forget it. Wood groaned and cracked.

Water sloshed against his face.

“I’ll try again.” Before his mother could answer, he sucked in a breath and dove, finding his way down to whatever had his Mum pinned.

And goddamnit, it wouldn’t move!

He shoved and kicked and tried to work out why it wouldn’t budge. It felt jagged and cold and why the hell couldn’t he move it?!

His mother hooked his shirt again and dragged him to the surface.

“Allie, you have to go get help-”

But the building disagreed as it shuddered, creaked and his mother’s voice was cut off in a gurgle of water.

No!

He grabbed at her, using the sink at his elbow to pull her up as much as he could.

The water level was higher. He could feel it splashing against the sink.

Mum…

No…

“Mum, hang on here.” He transferred her hands to the ceramic basin. “I’ll get you out.”

The dark was ever so terrifying when wet. Water he couldn’t see flowed around him. As his hands found the rock and the hard place, Gordon came to mind.

He would know what to do.

Thunderbird Four had all the gear, all the tools. The Tracys would get his mum out.

But the Tracys weren’t here and his mum only had Alex.

And it was so dark and airless.

Panic sat at the edges of his mind and he had to fight it off.

He couldn’t even see the mechanics of the situation. Why was it not moving? What was stopping it? Weight? Angle? Something else applying pressure?

His brain clamoured for information, feeling around in the total darkness. It was a simple equation. He just didn’t have all the variables.

He only needed to move it a little bit!

And to breathe.

He shot to the surface, drawing in enough oxygen to dazzle his already aching head. “Mum!”

“Go get help, Alex.” It was her doctor, no-nonsense voice. Trust her to be calm as a cucumber in a dire situation.

He didn’t answer her, just heaved in more breath and dove again.

-o-o-o-

Thunderbird Two lowered with a roar into the parking lot of the Gisborne Farmer’s Market. Apart from the information John had shot to his comms, the sign Two crunched under her starboard landing strut said as much.

Scott had gone out of his way to free up Virgil and Two and get him over here. Gordon was out of his seat even faster than her pilot as the Thunderbird wound down to creaking cahelium.

“John, do you have any further information?” His fish brother was standing on the hatch waiting as Virgil darted through securing Two.

“Thunderbird Four, I assure you, you have everything I have. If I or Eos find anything further, you will be the first to know.”

Gordon grunted, bouncing on his feet in impatience.

Virgil didn’t say a thing as he joined his brother.

The hatch lowered and Gordon was out, accosting the nearest emergency worker.

Virgil took a step off the hatch and scanned the site with his eyes. Half of the main building was on the ground and being attended to by emergency workers. A makeshift medical tent had been set up at a distance from where he had landed Two.

Over the road to the west lay the remains of the Peel Street Bridge, now mostly flotsam in the swollen river. He mentally noted the level of the river should it need to be accounted for at any point.

Floating debris charted the current.

“No-one matching that description has been located here, sir.”

Virgil’s attention was drawn to Gordon as his brother dragged over a man dressed in fluorescent yellow and holding a tablet. His fingers were poking at it with agitation.

“We could do some help lifting the roof. We have two lifesigns still trapped.”

Virgil strode over and almost snapped the tablet out of the man’s hands. “Where? Thunderbird Five, give us a scan of the building.”

“FAB.”

A moment later the results appeared on Virgil’s wrist. Two lifesigns were flashing, both pinned beneath the remains of the structure’s roof.

A few calculations in his head and he was moving back to Two. Angles, weight, space and proximity. His exosuit was wrapped around him without thought and he was moving at a run across the distance between him and that fallen building.

“Make way! Make way!”

Virgil paid no attention to the emergency worker running behind him. All he saw was rubble and a solution to reaching those two lives.

His HUD flashed up stressors, bearing estimates, and the angles. Always the angles.

His feet landed on the remains of the concrete foundation as his HUD spouted what it could support in its current condition.

Enough. It could support enough.

Virgil placed his feet securely, exactly the right distance apart, set his shoulders and back. Data streamed as he slid his main gripper into the steel of the roofing mainframe. His secondary grip, often used more for stabilisation and balance rather than bearing weight, slid in beyond a structural support and exactly where…there…he locked them both into place.

He flexed his hands and began to lift.

Structural responses flowed, giving him numbers and needed adjustments…all good. The roof rose with the hissing of hydraulics and breath.

“Gordon, you’re in.”

He didn’t need to look. He knew his wingman had followed him. Sure enough, the Fish darted into the wreckage and a moment later reappeared holding a child. He handed her off to the emergency team and dove in again.

This time he returned with a woman limping and crying.

Virgil’s heart did not respond. Or at least it attempted not to.

The state of the roof continued to scroll across his HUD and the moment Gordon and John gave him the all clear, he gently lowered it to the ground.

And let out a breath that took some of his heart with it.

It didn’t take long after that for John to confirm that no, Alex was not on the site.

Gordon dragged Virgil back to Two and attempted to force coffee down his throat.

Of course, the thought of coffee made it all worse.

Standing in Two’s cockpit, a desperate moment away from being called to the next site, Virgil stared out the windows down across the length of the Taruheru River, collapsed buildings spotting the landscape.

Where the hell are you, Alex?

God.

Please be safe.

-o-o-o-

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