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#so its like what am i doing really! nothings working out! i cant even draw my ocs to cope!! its all so hellish
ackee · 2 months
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 months
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#what do you call it when a mind is lacking in depth of m thought? is there a word for that?#because all my mind can do is spin in tiny circles. never push any further. no depth of thought#i cant even carry out this line of thought to completion in my head. i have to write it down like this or else it remains stuck in an eddy#its so frustrating. when my thoughts are pressured i spin so fast it feels like my head might pop but the thoughts never go anywhere#bc they just repeat the same god damn things all thr fucking time. they drag me around in circles. then when im feeling low or even like#normal. my head just feels empty and it freaks me out. i have no intersting thoughts to think. theres nothing behind my eyes#possibly its just my brain on 0cd. but how am i suppose to escape the spiral if its in my own head? i guess im just supposed to changr my#reaction to it. recognize what it is and let it go. but i dont like it#i just want to curl up on a warm tile floor. press myself into a quiet corner and not think anything#in an aquarium or a conservatory. specifically the conservatory in Columbus. i love that place#i went there for my birthday when i was like 12 bc i liked it so much. the botanically gardens and the butterflies and the stained glass#i dunno. i just like it there. ugh. im just tired#god. there was a really cool talk today and im always like im not that inattentive lol but then i cannot for the life of me follow a talk or#read a paper all thr way through. my short term working memory is just a tiny little cup. easy to overfill#so i miss mostly everything. its so frustrating#its all frustrating. whatever. back to the psychiatrist tomorrow. probably up thr lamicta1 dosage#bc im past where i was last time i had a reaction to it 💪#i just wish i wanted to draw. drawing just makes me tired and impatient rn#unrelated
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unholyeverything · 30 days
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I just realised tomorrow marks the 7ths week of me being sick and feeling like garbage lol It's some ups and downs but generally it's been a while since I've been healthy and none knows whats up which is nice.
#been to the doctor so many times#and at least my general doc is trying but she cant figure out what's wrong#and the throat specialist I've been to twice in one month got a very helpful “sounds like stress and you imagine all” for me#like thanks i keep having my ear throat and nose inflamed constantly and nothing i tried so far helped but surely its stress#my doc suspected a virus but we also didnt find any active anti bodies#so i was just told to rest and was off work for two weeks that also did nothing#so i worked again even tho my doc was like maybe not but i got psychological issues being home with nothing to do#gotta go to my dentist tomorrow to see if the source is there#but im sure its my ears but I'll never go back to that doc#i was there twice a month cuz it kept getting worse and got a stress stamp#stress i didnt even have lately cuz i got a healthy fuck you all work motivation now#and now I'll lose all chance for promotion cuz i cant do my usual 200% and my bosses translate that with: she broken now bye#going great#also don't really have motivation to draw anymore#I started to build model sets but idk if anyone would wanna see those#I also got a cyst on my ovaries and got an appointment in july#that gives me serious pms like i never had it before but ok#someone knows a doc that'll remove the whole uterus i don't need that shit anymore#anyways in case anyone's been wondering where i am lately or if anyone even read this my asks are open if anyone wants to ask smth#or ask my OCs they live rent free in my head and are very precious to me#even my new car is named Michael#he's cute and my record so far been 190km/h#one day I'll do the 225 he can do#just get off the road that day pls#that car was the onyl thing i worked for so idk what to do with my life now#save for car repairs maybe#anyone wants a pic of my child#he's orange#I'm very proud of myself i managed to save up for him quiet fast#these tags are wild but I'm feeling a bit more energetic thanks to some plant supplements my uncle gave me
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munch-mumbles · 9 months
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vent in tags againnn
#oh my goddd the loneliness aches it aches it aches#im running out of thigns to distract me from it#nothing interests me i can barely sit through a youtube video i struggle to start new shows or watch new movies#my body hurts all the fucking time#all i can think about is how i might die soon#i always feel weak and its hard to think and its hard to do anything to help myself#and i have no one to help me up#because im too tired to be interesting to be worthy of someones attention#pacing in this dead end is just wasting my own time#i dont know mann i miss my mom but any circumstance where i try to run home for comfort involves having to interact with my dad#it keeps getting harder every single day and the worst part is realizing how small of a blip i am in everyone elses life ultimately#'everyone else' what like. five people#who Know Of me in this world#i wouldnt be distressed if i knew how to keep myself entertained anymore but that passions gone#its incredibly hard for me to draw or even work on my ocs at times because of how constantly distracted i am#so everything thats supposed to be easy is impossible and im just. rotting#im going in circles with my venting here ugh. i dont know what to do and i dont know how im going to keep going#i cant even really just relax to a movie in bed because im fucking stupid as fuck and bought wired headphones instead of wireless a few#months ago and the wire doesnt reach to my bed. thats such a stupidly small thing but its just whta my life has devolved into
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buwheal · 4 months
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[You've Got Mail!]
You can now send your favorite salesman emails!! YAY!!
Here's some rules and information about the askbox.
First and foremost;
I try to answer as many asks as I can, but I will not answer every single one. Sometimes I just cant do anything with it that will work realistically with the perimeters of the world, and I apologize!! Its nothing against you guys!!
(Unless you break the rules ofc.)
So if you dont see yours after a long while, it’s probably something that wont work, sorry! You can always send more than one ask whenever and see if that one works instead!
Besides that, here’s the rest of what you need to know!
[RULES] :
Spamton physically PRINTS OUT each "email", so dont send asks that have a physical interaction. Sorry! Thats just how i decided to set up the world/situation, and is not really anything against you guys :-)
(more of a request than a rule tbh) Preferably try to send real questions or statements. most joke asks are funny, but are surprisingly hard to create an in character response for. You can still send joke asks if you really want to, just dont expect an answer X-P
I know he may be a personification of spam emails... BUT DONT SPAM!!! I mean it! It clogs the askbox and is a real pain. You can send him more than one ask, though, as long as you arent repetitively sending a ton in a short burst!!
Dont be sexual or romantic, please! Even "As a joke". I dont like Spamton like that and it makes me uncomfortable, plus I can't really answer that in character in a way that wouldnt provoke more of that. Thank you!!
Be respectful and patient!! I am just one person doing everything, lol, and this got far more popular than anticipated, so i will take a long time. I try my best to get at least one out every other day but i'll need breaks eventually!!!
I cannot spawn or give/spawn/materialize things for/to Spamton if you ask because of the way it’s set up. You are really just lines of text from a computer to Spamton, BUT... You can still do a lot if you think outside the box. or,, errr,, outside the computer. Kind of. Your words and your actions affect him and his reactions to you, so word it correctly and you can get him to do something or say something. Hes not stupid though, and he CAN usually tell when your intentions are... less.. than good.
[INFORMATION] :
[YGM!] is technically an AU!!! not only do the events of the game not occur, but this is also set before then!
Asks are put out one a day, regardless if i have more than one, UNLESS i need to connect two(or more) to complete one event.
I am one person doing every ask and every unique frame of art, so expect 1 ask (If youre lucky, two) maybe every other day Monday-Friday depending on my workload per day. I have weekends off so more asks, around 2-3, CAN (but usually arent) be done for future use.
This is just for fun!! I am using the askbox to exercise my drawing consistency, Spamton's personality, and the way he speaks and responds to different situations! This is a way I am using to improve my understanding of him as a character, so it wont be always consistent as I am growing and learning!
Just a little disclaimer, he WILL be mean. He is a sour, nasty, grumpy, bastard and I am absolutely not opposed to him responding as such. Just keep that in mind when sending an ask if you dont want that!
If you want a common outcome, talk to other people about it! go crazy! I dont mind long threads on my posts if you want to create a plan. Infact, I can even help and tell you things occasionally!!
What you say to him DOES and WILL affect the way he responds. Trust is lost far easier than it is gained, so keep this in mind. It is possible to regain his trust, but still hard. He is not a trusting person to begin with and being mean certainly doesnt help. BUT.. I am not opposed to being mean. Infact, they are quite fun to do. Either way is entertaining for me, so do as you will. YOU can choose to hurt or help him.
Using tone tags, while not required, are really helpful and assist me in understanding the intention in your ask if you think it may be interpreted another way! (i.e. sarcasm) :-)!!
I pick and choose asks depending on his situation, or if i have a good idea for a response, so you may need to wait a bit before i can get to yours!! Ones that i have an idea for take priority, especially when its to progress a scene. Or, alternatively, i am saving your ask for something i have planned.
I WILL reuse frames and poses to get these out faster and for my convienence :-) especially for the frames where there is no need to change his pose! So like.. dont think too hard about it lol.
Also, i prefer if you specify if the ask is for me /or/ Spamton. I do still do normal asks, lol. If its for me, just let me know!! I can usually tell, but most asks will be interpreted as for Spamton. I appreciate ones that start with his name before said thing is asked/stated specifically!! (i.e. "Spamton, __ __ __")
I wont be consistent with the way its answered. Sometimes it's one panel, sometimes its a couple panels, or sometimes they're animated gifs!! It varies depending on what i feel, so if youre lucky you can get a gif, lol. Those take longer usually though. Ive mostly switched to a gif formatting rather than multiple panels in a comic style, for the formatting! The animation quality can vary :-)
Thats about it!! Have fun!! ^_^
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sleepybug05 · 7 months
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some tips on food fixation and binging urges
hellooo, ive been thinking about compiling some things that have helped me get my mind off of food and overall just writing down some rant -- so here it is!
keep in mind, im not an expert and this is mostly just me babbling. im writing this as a motivation for myself, and it will probably not work for everyone, but if you find any of this stuff helpful -- my pleasure! ★ mindfulness ★
`` first of all -- ive found that that strong-urge-to-binge thing is more of a state, not a feeling. it helps me to treat it as such: a mental state, a spiral, and to come out of that spiral you can:
◌ stop! ◌ breath in, breath out. ground yourself. have that thought of "wait, what am i doing?" in the space between you and the fridge ◌ check in with your body. what position are you in? does something hurt? are you cold? are you tired? overenergized? ◌ check in with your mind. is there any buzz? are you overwhelmed? ◌ if you located the issue (eg. im tired! i want comfort! so food = comfort!) -- great! move on from there to resolving this issue in a more mindful, not-involving-food way (then i should nap, do yoga, just lie on the floor, watch comfort movie) why are we doing that? in my opinon, its very important to train that "what am i doing" moment of conciousness, because through that you can see better why you want to binge. is it a mental thing? how can you cope without food? is it a physical feeling? an effect of restriction? how can you tweak your eating to make it better (imo, fasting does better job at managing binges than plain restriction) you cant just showe thinspo at your face everytime you crave something, after all : ) ★ activities ★ `` make something with your hands! ohh my god! i cant stress it enough, it can help you to not get fixated on thinking about food so much! it can be something easy like drawing, or you can look up something new for yourself `` go on a walk. i know, it can be very tiring to even think about, but t does wonders at distracting you `` yoga. very simple and very effective. or, alternatively `` do nothing at all for a bit. just. lie down, turn off your phone, no sound, no nothing (helps if your binging urge feels overwhelming) ★ other stuff ★
`` if you havent already, try drinking coffee. it really is called an appetite supressant for a reason `` i wasnt the one who told you that, but you can look up some gross stuff involving food.. f*eeding k*ink usually freaks me out on multiple levels for long enough to forget about food `` test yourself and allow yourself to feel bored. put down your phone. watch a really long flm. boredom is a part of our lives, and if you teach yourself to feel it in such small portions without binging youll be so so proud of yourself
tried to keep it all low-energy friendly : ) kind of nervous to post stuff like this -- if somethings not right, please dont come at me hahaha reblogs are very appreciated <33
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paradoxbeta · 20 days
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WHO IS EOC? i am very curious now!!!
>:) okay SO
tumblr picture formatting is utter garbage and i dont want these to take up too much space so im cramming these drawings into one row (or not if this crapsite breaks on me, because it seems to be REALLY fighting me on this, so if it ends up not making a nice little picture row know that i tried my best). but this is effigy of composure!
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he has a couple problems, but the big one is that his superstructure has a terrible parasite situation. the parasites are flat, thin, and able to make it into grooves and pipes the inspectors cant reach. flushing out doesnt do much to dislodge them and they breed faster than they can be killed, so theyve happily made their homes in this sheltered, food-rich haven (to the obvious distress and horror of the host iterator). originally the concept for these parasites were much closer to centipedes and had the placeholder name "synapcipedes," but ive since started leaning more towards an obvious tapeworm motif for them because its gross and i enjoy it morbidly. it also has some pretty cursed implications if you think about it for too long which i have decided are funny/really disgusting/so stupid that they have to stay. i still flipflop between considering them centipedes vs tapeworms though and i dont think thatll ever be rigidly defined. the ambiguity is nice to toy with
on the top 10 list of "things that are not fun" having turbo worms has to be somewhere up there, so eoc has it *rough,* and kind of sort of eventually barrels off into the deep end because of it. his futile attempts to clean his own structure are frustrating enough, and the constant feeling of bugs crawling all over the inside of his body (which only gets progressively worse with time) does no favors either. however, the real big reason why he mentally declines is just because there's a ton of centi-worm things eating like fire through his neurons and other what-have-yous that iterators need to think and function. i think if he only got hit with one of these 3 things then he might have been able to hang onto his sanity, but with the triple combo he doesn't really stand a chance of doing much except stalling his functional death. which is good on him because if i was an iterator and my overseers told me i had a structure infestation, my mental health would have just preemptively swan dived off a bridge before anything even happened
anyhow, exponential parasite population growth meant exponential increase in all this other fun stuff, which means the time from the beginning of the infection to the time eoc is considered officially gone is startlingly short (for iterators, at least). it still took quite the while because losing your marbles is a loonnnng process, but still, yikes. its unfortunate because eoc was a real jokester pre-everything, and a cool guy to talk to. he was one of those people who could come up witty comments for anything like hed been ripped from the script of a sitcom. oh yeah, also, should have mentioned this earlier, but he ends up accidentally amassing a scavenger cult mid-insanity which goes hilariously bad because he's barely aware it's happening. nothing really works out for this poor iterator.
tldr: eoc gets parasites, they erode his brain, he goes nuts about it, (accidentally amasses a cult,) dies
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seeminglydark · 11 months
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Idk if this means anything to you but I'm a comic artist who's had a hard time doing art for a few years. The first four was because of life hardship and lack of time/chronic pain, but now lately I've had time but a mental block. I'm creeping up on 30 and felt bad about myself for "missing out" on my opportunity to be a comic artist. It was really validating to see you post about being 41 (correct me if I'm wrong) especially since you have such wonderful comics that I've been following for a while now. It makes me feel less like I'm wasting my time putting my things in order when I "should" be drawing.
Hopefully this doesn't come across as offensive or anything. It was just comforting and validating. Anyway, big fan! Love your characters a whole lot and hope you have a good day!
Dear Anon
I am 41 years old. I have wanted to make comics my entire life. before my dad got sick, and my childhood kinda fell apart, all i did was draw. after that, i used the stories in my head to cope. life moved on. i was convinced not to accept a partial scholarship to an art school in California. life got hard. i worked at a hotel, and after i escaped an abusive relationship at 22 i hitchhiked/bused far far away to start over. i tried to make comics again, but i had to survive, and so i got another job doing the only thing i knew how to do, hotels. and i worked. and worked. and life got harder and times got heavier and i didn't get time to draw and i worked double hours, 15 to 17 hours a day. and i went four years without drawing a single thing.
i kept working myself into the ground. i was 29 now. i picked up a pen again and drew a red haired boy. he had a hard life and no love and no friends. his problems were on the outside, for everyone to see. he ran away but his problems went with him.
i was 32. surely i was too old now. my time to be an artist was gone. i had no school. no hope. i was so far behind the younger gen i saw online. i cried. all the time. i wrote stories in my email drafts while i worked shifts. i stayed up late trying to learn how to draw again. i cried some more. the boy grew. i called him Fiach. worthy. a raven. later i renamed him Avery. he was like a bird, he had wings, he was my hope. i started writing some friends for him. the people i wished i had around me.
i started finding time and space. i got a new job, something where i was lucky enough to set my own hours. for the first time i had a partner who believed in me. things were hard. but i was drawing now. and that helped.
i went on a road trip and i started drawing pages of an unnamed story on 6 by 8 paper in a sketchbook. i drew 20 of them. 'what could i call this?' i thought. Nothing Seems as Dark...no says my partner. Seemingly Dark. he made me a logo. i was 35. i bought an ipad, i cant do this on paper, its too much story i have too much to say. so i learned how to draw digitally by tracing my own trad art pages.
I spoke to my dad for the last time on June 17th, fathers day that year. he said 'you're good. i'm proud. and you're gonna do amazing things. none of this is your fault. and we will speak again soon.' i didn't know id never hear his voice again. he died a week later.
i turned 36. i kept trying. i'm old, i don't understand the internet. how can i share this?
i stumbled across Lore Olympus. i was introduced to webcomics. id read comics online before but the thought never occurred to me. i opened an account on Tapas. and then i stared at it. what if no one likes it. what if its bad. my art isn't good. i should wait til i'm better. but will i ever really be better? or will i always believe that tomorrow is better? do it now. if even one person gets something out of this story, this story about a boy who is you, a boy who looking for hope, a boy who might make it, then that is enough isn't it.
June 17th 2018 i launched Seemingly Dark.
SD's five year anniversary is in a week. 0ver 700 pages. leaps and bounds in progress with my skills. a printed comic under my belt as of monday. i was always a storyteller. but i was always an artist too.
I am 41 years old, dear anon. I did not truly embark on this journey til i was 35. life got in the way. even now, chronic illness gets in the way. but its worth it. its never ever too late. i believe in you the way my dad believed in me. i reset my life again and again. but I was always an artist. and if thats who you are, and who you want to be, even if things dont go the way you wished they could, you're an artist too.
im 41 years old. i speak about my age, even though i often feel too old to belong in spaces, cuz really, in this case age is just a number. take care of yourself. do what you need to do. and little by little, when your able, carve out your space until it becomes more of a habit. sometimes i think about all the years i lost not drawing or creating. but there's a lot of factors that make me believe had i made my story then, it wouldn't be the story it is now, i needed to live a bit. i needed to find myself. i know this was long, but i just wanted you to see i also had to put my life in order, and getting notes like this reminds me it wasnt at all a waste. im glad i could offer you some comfort. thats honestly the best compliment i could ever receive.
TL;dR I was 35 when i sat down and seriously started making comics, because life always got in the way and so did my confidence. i always feared being too old. im 41 now, still going strong.
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cupoftaae · 11 months
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HII i'd like to request prompt 11 "give me time, give us time" for kookiee? and if its ok id like to give u a small plot just in case you dont know how to work with this if thats okay 🥺
so the tiny tannie lil ol plot for this wuld be: jk being a bit of a workaholic (very much so.) and y/n is quite tired of it.. note that this is non!idol and married! :D they had a talk and a cool plot twist wuld be how y/n was actualy planning to surprise him abt being pregnant!!!GASPAND THEN KOOKIE NEVER NOTICED THE SYMPTOMS CUZ HES BEEN WORKING TOO MUCH!!! and like yeah she getzz rlly emotionsl
AND IF ITS OK CAN U GIVE LIKE AN AFTERMATH OF THIS? LIKE 1 OR 2 YEARS AWAY FROM THE ARGUMET? hope this isnt too much 😭
Hello!! oh my goodness this is so amazing, no one has given me a plot to write by, this is really cool and I hope that I do a good enough job portraying this for you! Thank you so much for sending this in <3
La La Land (JK drabble request)
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warnings- mentions of drinking, angst, mentions of pregnancy, swearing, couple fighting, fluff, kissing (nothing major) I think thats all?
enjoy <3
"I cant tell, is this a positive or negative?"
Your voice was shaky and frail, holding up the test to your phone camera, trying to show your friend.
"blurry, cant see, read the box y/n. instructions are there" Your friend sighed, in her defense, it was late, and you called her out of slumber- but only because you were totally hyped at the sudden realization that you were finally possibly pregnant.
You and Jungkook had not necessarily been trying, nor necessarily avoiding it.
You both wanted kids, but never really specified when. Considering the fact you have now been married for 2 years, and your relatives are up your ass about when it is that you will have a baby, even though its not their business at all.
You wanted this for you, and today might be the day you get what you wished for.
"You just took it, let it sit for a moment"
you nodded at your friends words as you placed the test onto the bathroom sink, moving your hands to rest on your hips as your teeth tugged at your bottom lip in thought.
"whats on your mind, hun?" she asked
"a lot..." you giggled, drawing your eyes back to her. "If I am, I just hope Kook is happy, thats all I want"
"mm his schedule is so busy"
"I know, work always comes first with him, thats why im nervous. Its not like he told me to take birth control or anything, and we have condoms he just refuses to use one" you snicker
She laughs, "well then yeah what did he expect?"
"but hes a head manager at the company he works at, hes spent so much time climbing the ladder to get there, what if this throws him in a loop?"
"y/n....girl...listen to me, he is partially responsible for this, so he needs to be accepting or I will personally come down there and make him accepting"
You laughed at your friend, thankful you had some humor relief out of all the tension.
"and listen, you are in your 30's, its not like you are 20 years old and unmarried, you know?"
"yeah...youre right...im gonna look now, I think its ready"
"okay"
You gently flipped over the test and held it close to your eyes, a faint blue plus sign appeared, making your heart thump so loud it was audible in your ears.
"holy shit, its positive!"
"its positive?" your friends voice shot up 3 octaves
"YES!!!" you jumped around, wishing jungkook was home right now to show him, instead bathing in the moment with your best friend.
"congratulations, y/n, oh my god im so happy for you!!!"
"thank you!" you wiped a few tears, gripping the test almost as if it wouldnt be real if you let it go. "oh jesus this is so....wow!"
"remember what I said, everything will be okay"
You nodded, taking a deep breath
"everything will be okay, yeah....your right."
-
Everything, in fact, was not alright.
It's been 2 weeks since that night you found out you were pregnant, and everytime you think you are ready to tell Jungkook, something happens.
"oh gotta go babe, they are calling me into work"
"too tired to talk tonight honey, i have to get up at 5am"
"not right now baby, maybe tomorrow?"
It never ended, he was in and out the front door constantly.
It was upsetting that the only time youve had to talk with him recently was when you both took a shower a few days ago.
"you look so tired" you frowned, pushing his hair back
"I know...I am"
"you need to sleep more" you kissed his chest, resting against it under the warm water.
He let out a soft laugh, "yeah...when is there time for rest?"
"its okay to take time off, you know? youre a manager, you have more control"
"I just need to prove to everyone that I am capable of handling the position" he insisted
"Obviously you are, they wouldnt-"
"y/n, just dont worry about it....okay?" he squeezed you softly, trying to change the subject and shutting you down, because you wouldnt get it
-
You wanted your husband, you wanted him more than anything, and this feeling only turned to anger as you sat with him at the dinner table one night.
You were now almost 2 months pregnant and still have not told him.
You planned a nice meal to eat, his favorite.
You cooked all the vegetables and spent hours slaving in the hot kitchen making sure everything was up to perfection for him, just for him to come home at 2am with no text in regard to him being late.
"its late, honey, im sorry, we can eat tomorrow"
You stood to your feet before he could leave the room, all of your dishes sitting on the stove, some now cold. "no, we are gonna eat now."
You know he smelled the food, and never did he once acknowledge the fact you made his favorite dish, or thank you for it.
His eyes widened, not used to hearing the sudden tone in your voice.
"please....please just sit" your voice cracked slightly as you watched him slowly walk back to the seat, sinking into it.
"are you mad at me?" he whispered, watching your back as you heated up the food into a plate for him.
"mad..?" you chuckle to yourself, trying to gather your thoughts.
"yeah, mad. are you?"
You took the food out of the microwave and handed it to him, sitting on the other end of the table and looking at him desperatley.
"jungkook...have you noticed anything...different?"
He smiled gently, confusion in his eyes, "what do you mean?"
Your expression softened from hopeful to dissapointment.
"you dont see...you dont feel like anything is different?"
"no?" he half smiled, looking around awkwardly.
You looked down at your plate, teary eyes overcoming you as you tried hard to prevent your breakdown- but its been a long time coming.
"wha-"
"jungkook!" you cry out desperately, leaving him shocked and confused at the odd behavior.
"baby why are you crying? whats going on? what is this?" he panicked
"You!! im crying because of you!!" you stood, covering your face as you felt the embarrassment fall over you.
"what did I do?" he got up and tried to come over to hold you, but you pushed him away.
He let you talk, not knowing how to respond to anything.
"you are never home, Jungkook. I fucking miss my husband, okay? I spent 4 hours in this kitchen, sick as hell, making your favorite dish and I dont get any type of thank you, instead you come home 3 hours late and decide its time to sleep, you reek of alcohol as well" you wipe you tears hastily.
He stood, looking at you as his eyes teared up
"I know work is important, I know it is, But I matter too Jungkook!! We are married, I am your WIFE! im not just the maid and chef here, you know?
"baby I never said any of that-"
"you treat me like one!!" you cry, pacing the room, "see, you still dont even notice anything do you?"
He looked helplessly, "Im sorry, honey, I really am, but I need work-"
"not this much!!" you looked at him sharply, "Ive been home alone these past few weeks, dealing with a certain situation ive been terrified to tell you about all by myself!"
"im here now, tell me! tell me! what is going on and how can I fix this?"
"I just want you, jungkook....One fucking day, one fucking dinner" you gesture to the table "When was the last time we even woke up together and cuddled, or had a fucking cup of coffee and talked? Months...MONTHS!"
"my angel im sorry ive been neglecting you, why didnt you say something to me sooner?"
"I was trying to understand, I was trying sooo hard to put myself in your shoes but damnit, jungkook, I cant hide it anymore" you sobbed, knowing how crazy you looked to him right now. "Its...its not fair!!"
He gently grabbed your arm, leading you towards him, his eyes searching deep into your own.
You sighed, trying to adjust your breathing, "g-give me time, give us time." you wrapped your arms around yourself and looked at him.
"us?"
You swallowed harshly, trying to steady your voice, "im pregnant, Jungkook. I found out weeks ago and since then youve left me home alone with not an ounce of time for me to tell you, which is now resulting in this"
He froze, his eyes softening at you as he tears up, "pregnant? baby..."
"yes!" you step back, "and...and you didnt even notice! I tried leaving clues, I left the test in your bedside nightstand and you never fucking saw it?"
"n-no baby...youre pregnant, oh my god, honey" he brought you back to him, a soft yet sad smile on his face
"Its been all me, im the only one who has to deal with it and its not fair. If you dont have time for me, how the hell are you gonna manage to parent our child?" you glared "I refuse to parent alone, this is a team effort, jungkook. Yes money is important, but I need you, I need you to stop being a manager first and my husband second"
He took a shaky breath, part of him scared to say the wrong thing, "I- I understand honey" he nodded, holding your hands as he cried "fuck- im so sorry" you let him pull you into a tight hug "Im so sorry holy shit...im such a fucking dumbass, how could I not know?" he ran his hand up and down your back, face hidden into your shoulder as you both cried.
"you need to understand, I am serious, things have to change!"
"they will! they will! I'll change right now I promise Im gonna be here for you, for both of you" his hands held your stomach, desperation in his voice "dont leave...." he whispered
"im not going to, jungkook. But you need to stop working so much, I cant do this by myself"
"you dont have to, im here for you, whatever you need, fuck I'll take the rest of the week off for you, just let me hold you" he squeezed you tighter
"I miss you so much" your voice was quiet
"I love you, im so sorry I never noticed, Im so dumb baby....I love you,I love you" he cupped your face and pressed a delicate kiss to your lips, forehead against yours, "thank you for all you do, im an ass for not recognizing any of it"
"I love you too....just please...do it for us...?"
He nods "anything....for you, i'll do fucking anything baby." he kisses you once more as you both gently sway in the kitchen. The tension of the argument still lingering in the air, thick and prominent.
This wasnt a fixed issue, more so a stepping stone to him proving his words.
If he wanted to be a dad, he needed to show you he was ready for it.
--
"he is crying again" you sigh, rubbing your eyes and sitting up to look at the baby monitor.
"I'll get him" jungkook immediately got up and walked down the hall, following the sad cries that led him to your baby's room.
"little man...its 4am...why the tears?"he frowned at his 3 month old who's arms flared around.
the first 2 months of Kaiylin being born, you kept him in your main bedroom at night but you wanted to test out how he would sleep on his own, and so far its not been good.
"you want mama, huh?" he picked him up, holding him close and gently bouncing his knees. He didnt smell, so it wasnt his diaper, and he had just been fed not too long ago, so it was easy for jungkook to know he just missed his mommy and daddy.
He slowly walked into the bedroom, you were about to fall asleep. "oh kai" you frown as your husband places him into the bed between you both, his body facing the smaller ones so he doesnt fall out or move around.
"aw baby" you rub his head softly, "its okay now, shh, shh"
Jungkook gives you an empathetic look, "I know you havent slept im sorry"
You shrug, "i'll nap tomorrow"
"I'll take him into my office, he can sit in his rocker while you nap"
You smile softly kissing your husband, "thanks, baby"
You had to admit, Jungkook has stepped up more than you assumed he would. Hes began to work from home, giving time for not only your little family, but especially you and him.
He has been such a help with everything, from watching Kai during the night, to cooking and cleaning for you, its been 100% teamwork since you gave birth and you couldnt thank him enough for it all,
Things were finally starting to even out and you could not have been happier, the man you married in the first place was returned back to you, in the form of a loving father.
"hes sleeping again, look" jungkook whispered
Your eyes darted to the newborn in between you and your husband, you slightly giggled, "poor thing"
"co-sleeping just works I guess" he smiled, leaning over to kiss you gently, "go back to sleep honey, ill watch him for a bit, its okay."
"I love you, thank you..." you looked at him
"I love you too sweetheart"
-
a/n- ahh! I really hope this is what you wanted, it was fun to write and follow the prompt. Thanks again for sending this in! -Nini
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ltnoscara · 9 months
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=WARNINGS! : SUBMISSIVE BOTTOM [READER], TEASING, EDGING, BEGGIN, PRAISE KINK,DEGRADING KINK, BITING, ANAL, ORAL, VIRGIN READER!
You were roommates with Kaveh and Alhaitham working for the akadeymia as a simple assistant, though you were in love with Kaveh, but his attention was always on architecture job and arguing with Alhaitham. You always felt hurt at the fact of this, but you brushed it of because your friend and roommate so you were happy for him.
❝ALHAITHAM!!❞ you heard Kaveh yell. ❝Omfg what is it this time..?❞ you thought to yourself, after all this is the seventh time they have argued today. You walked into the room Kaveh was in. ❝Whats wrong this time sir Kaveh? What did he do this time?❞ ❝He left his books on the floor and I almost tripped and fell! I swear I cant stand him!��� ❝Calm down sir Kaveh, Ill clean it up if you'd like?❞ ❝No thats quite alright y/n, it's Alhaitham that has to pick his mess up.❞ You wanted him to notice you for you and the feelings you've bottled up for him but you didnt know what to say. ❝Y/n are you alright? You've been staring at the floor for quite some time now? ❝Oh! Sorry sir Kaveh i was just lost in thought.❞ ❝What are you stressed out about?❞ ❝Nothing sir Kaveh, its quite alright Ill manage.❞
❝Do you need to release?❞
you were confused on what he meant ❝Im sorry sir Kaveh but I don't know what you mean by that.❞ ❝Do you need a release y/n?❞ The way he said your name made you shiver, how could he say your name in such a tone that was music to your ears. And then it finally hit you, what he meant about release. You wanted to say yes, but you were scared.
❝S-Sir Kaveh, I-Im afraid that isn't appropriate as an assistant of the a-akadeymia..❞
❝Thats quite alright y/n, I didnt meant it appropriately❞ He stepped up closer to you. You could hear his breath in you ears as he whispered ❝Do you know how hard it is to control myself around such a fine looking handsome and sexy man like you❞?❞ You felt your face become red and you blood rushing to you lower region. ❝So y/n, Do you need to release❞ he said again. ❝Y-yes sir ka-Kaveh..❞ he chuckled and connected your lips together. You felt like you were melting. ❝Please y/n, call me kaveh. No need to be so formal in a time like this❞
❝Ok K-Kaveh...❞
you replied. You felt his lips touch yours, his tongue dancing with yours, exploring your mouth and you exploring his. You felt him grab your ass which made you groan. That sent Kaveh to the edge, he pick you up and took you to his room, which made you even more excited. He kneeled down really close to your erect, drawing circles on your bulge making you gasp and shiver. He looked up at you, enjoying what the view. ❝How long have you been in love with me for?❞ your eyes widened in surprise. ❝You knew!?❞ you said with an expression that look like you had just seen a ghost. ❝You know you y/n. You make it seem so obvious. But I like that, To be frank, I too am in love with you y/n.❞ This made you turn to an even darker shade of red. ❝Tell me y/n. How bad do you need this release?❞ ❝really bad..❞ you mumbled just loud enough for him to hear.
❝Excellent.❞
He pulled your pants down to meet with your ever so hard erect, giving it a little kiss before flipping you over laying down on hour stomach with you ass on the end of the bed. ❝You look so good like this. Maybe we should do this more often❞ You felt wetness touch your hole, His tounge went inside you ever few licks. He enjoyed the sounds you were making, saying his name between every moan. You then felt one of his digits enter you, you moaned his name us pleasure. He started moving his fingers in a scissor like motion which sent shivers up your spine in pleasure.
Groaning you said his name is such a lewd way making his erect harden even more. He pulled down his pants and started to massage his erect while pleasing you.You felt his remove his fingers from your whole. You felt something big go in you. It was his cock. He moved slowly as to not hurt you.❝Even after I just stretched you out, your so tight. Your such a slut.❞ in a teasing manner you replied ❝but you love this slut.❞ He picked up his pace thrusting deep inside of you. Waves of pleasure went through your body. You couldn't help but moan.
❝Y/n.. You make me feel so good..❞
The praise made you throw your head back. As your eyes tolled to back of your head his thrust became sloppier and faster, you knew he was about to come and so where you. Yelling each others names made you both reach your climaxes. He pulled out and came all of your back, and yours on the bed sheet. He picked you up to eye level and kissed you. ❝So... Praise and degrading?❞ ❝Yep.❞ you and him laid down to cuddle. ❝we should do this again.❞❝Of course.❞ You heard the the door open. It was Alhaitam.
❝Wtf happened while I was gone!?❞
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robyn-goodfellowe · 1 month
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Hi uhh idk how to say it but any tips on writing in general? I really wanna write my story I have stored in my doc but I don’t know where to start.
hello!! i am very honored that you came to ME to ask because i love to talk about writing, so thank you :) with that being said this might get a little long so ill put everything under a readmore, but all of my advice can be summarized like this
tl;dr: just start!!!
i KNOW. in my soul. that there's genuinely nothing more every aspiring writer hates to hear than "just start" lol but it really does come down to that. just start. whatever you put on the page doesnt have to be PERFECT, it just has to be there. my first drafts for anything are never solid. my initial drafts are NEVER the quality of the final
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and its through careful, consistent rewriting that it becomes something more palatable and fun/easy to read. what ive noticed a lot of new writers do (and i used to be very prone to this as well) is that they go into their drafts expecting to drop their final product there, and aim for perfection. i cannot stress enough that perfection is THE ENEMY in literature. you can rewrite things thousands of times for it to turn out imperfect in the end, and thats OKAY. you'll end up with a draft you like eventually, but don't expect yourself to find it right away. it takes me a lot of consistent writing sessions to have a paragraph that im satisfied with. itll come to you naturally
but the best advice i can offer is really just ... START. open google docs and just write down your thought process, whatever that looks like for you. maybe its the summarisation of a few scenes you like, maybe its a chunk of an out of context paragraph. whatevers in your head, put it on paper and see where you can go from there. thats really the only way you can start
outside of that some of my big things are being consistent and READING. i write for at minimum half an hour every day (not always fic lol! i am a creative writing major, am working on my manuscript and also trying to get published in some small-scale literary magazines and sites. so im always working on something, basically) and its probably the only thing in my life i am super consistent about. maintaining a habit and making yourself write even when you dont "feel like it" or cant find motivation is the best way to keep writing long term. and reading, well, how i like to put it to my friends is that creativity is like a well. you cant keep drawing from it without filling it up eventually. you need good writing and good words to inspire you so you can keep drawing from your creative well. when im not writing im reading and you should be too. you really cant have one habit without the other
are really immersing myself in the world that i've created for my silly little guys. i am, at all times of the day, immersed into my stories one way or another. im almost constantly curating pinterest boards, or making playlists, or sharing it with my friends (the last one is highly important. the best way to stay encouraged is to have someone to share with) and so theres not really a day when im not thinking about what i want to write to some extent
but yeah basically thats all of the advice i can offer. write, write, write and don't be afraid for it to be not perfect. nobody is perfect, you are human. so just have fun with it
hope this can help ssomewhat! :)
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lifmera · 2 months
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Heya, I was wondering if I could have a matchup for Hazbin Hotel? Male please x
My pronouns are she her, I'm fairly average height for a girl and my favourite animals at the moment are either cats or goats!!
I have black hair, dark eyes and pale skin, my hair goes just above my breasts and is layered. I wear a lot of black and hardly own any clothes that aren't!! (It’s just so flattering) I have a few large tattoos as well and am definitely getting more. I also have a lot of ear piercings, a nose stud and 🍒 piercings. I’m also English (northern, not southern) so I do have an accent
In terms of personality, l'd say l'm rather outgoing, witty and a bit nerdy. I wear a lot of studs and chains but I think they look badass, however I wear them causally so I guess you could also say I’m pretty bold? I've often been told l intimidate people, however I like to think they don't know me well enough to judge. Ive been told I can be quite loud, and I have some blunt, dry sense of humour which my friends seem to like. I'm an ENTP through and through and am currently in law school, stereotypical as fuck ik. I can sometimes struggle to trust people due to past experiences, however I think I’ve got the hang of reading people now to know when they’re my kind of cunt or not.
I can have a short temper and struggle with my emotions sometimes, (diagnosed bpd/adhd, looooove to see it) but am in the process of learning to manage them quite well.
Hobby wise, I enjoy drawing, painting and going out with my friends to concerts and festivals. I Love music, specifically Goth, Metal (Death, Goth metal, Nü metal, all sorts) and a little bit of rock obviously. I'm tempted to start learning how to play the drums or guitar but am not sure where to start, plus school takes up so much of my time.
There's of course no rush to reply, I adore your work I think your matches are always spot-on and I'm really curious !!
-🕷️🕸️
HEY 🕷️🕸️!!!
Honestly I was so TORN between these two. So i decided lol… why not both?
Its okay hun!! I major Pre-Law right now 🩷
I’ve decided to pair you with… VOX & HUSK
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Vox first though. Cus i read this and i was like.. VOX but then when i showered i was like .. wait husk… and then i was like FUCK… anyways
He’d definitely talk to you more because you reminded him of Velvette. And what probably went thru his head was “ooh new model :)”
But he LOVES ur personality. If you intimidated VOX? He would literally purr at ur feet and BEG you to join the Vee’s.
Even if you are dry, its okay, cus everything else makes up for it to him.
He definitely isn’t surprised if you don’t trust him at first, but he’s think that “nothing a little hypnotizing cant fix ! ;)” (take that as you wish.)
Vox is kinda pretty shitty himself- and probably doesnt really care much about you unless you blow a fuse on him. But honestly he’d like that.
Though he’d also be glad that you are managing your emotions! He HATES tantrums . (Cough cough Val)
He would probably make you draw you guys together lets me honest. He’d think it’d be funny. Till he actually enjoys it.
He would make fun of ur music taste. Then he would love it. Cus hes such a LOSER like that……
Honestly he’d love it sm he’d have them as theme songs D:
If you learned any instruments it’d probably cause him to want to as-well….
Ok Husker time…
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Not gonna lie. You guys give off the same vibe, and he’d probably like you the most out of everyone at the hotel.
Especially at first glance?? Like finally… someone normal
Says him anyways.
Husk HATES cats, and obviously… i think he would also let you pet him or brush his fur… after becoming in a relationship. Otherwise he’d literally bite you.
I think he would talk to you first at the bar, and man is he good at finding shit out???
I think you guys would become close friends within a finger snap-
And honestly become inseparable. Totally have backhanded shit to say and it would be so funny. (Great duo)
He definitely would be super proud of you for seeking help! He would say that not much people have enough balls to do that.
Honestly i also think Husk would enjoy painting too. He seems like a gambler but i think in his free time, something like painting would relax him?? Or atleast looking at paintings and analyzing them.
Your music taste? Probably same as his. He’d love to listen with you, and Everytime you are at the bar he’d ask if you wanted to play a song you both enjoyed.
If you learned the guitar he’d be SO IMPRESSED. Like “okay dayum… ❤️”
~~
I HOPE THIS WAS OKAY HUN!! And AWUGHS THANK YOU SO MUCH?? i always try to make the characters accurate because i feel like if they are ooc .. its just.. weird ?
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opens-up-4-nobody · 7 months
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...
#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol#except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade#plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me#god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set#looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u#the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno?#it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control#executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont#wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral#sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive#lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not#forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho#my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly#need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im#dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter#what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by#my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything#interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to#fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i#described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that#idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean#ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said#she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the#parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the#disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage#but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain#just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked#unrelated
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teardew · 1 month
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im thinking about making a patreon because i .. uh .. i cant justify drawing for myself anymore and its killing me lmao
it takes me really long to draw so any time i hav should be spent on comms... iv been trying to fight off burnout by drawing things i like inbetween commissions like that sv anatomy practice and vampire/werewolf mngling was just for me but it still ended up setting me behind schedule because i had to rest my eyes and wrist afterward. but not only that i also wanna like. make a lot more things ...
like i wanna do animal, insect, architectural, jewelry studies and fashion and character design explorations and try designing icon packs and branch out trying embroidery with mixed media and clothes making and get into making like 3d things with clay and soft sculptures. i wanna make historical fashion coloring books with việt phục and fashion zines ...
also theres a lot of stuff i dont post bc im not sure if anyone would be interested in all the design concepts and notes i had for example the homestuck dreamer outfits or the various sha hualing designs and sketches i had before getting to the thing i posted? like i hav a bunch of different sqh outfit and hair designs but theyr more clothing based and not detailed character/face art ...
idk !! it sounds like an excuse. its like, who cares just post it ! i know i shouldnt value my art by the amount of numbers i get from posting on social media and i dont mostly but its kinda unavoidable ? to me ? i know i only post fanart and ppl follow me for that and its not a bad thing ! being realistic i just dont think anybody but me would be interested in it ??
i dont know. god. i dont know what this post is about. ''i dont think anybody would be interested in the things i really wanna make'' but im thinking about making a patreon for things i really wanna make anyway because thats the only way i can justify it is if i can profit off it in some way. i dont really want to, but with my financial circumstances i dont know. i never wanted to make my livelihood off my art. i dont even consider or call myself an ''artist'' really, i just want to MAKE art
i dont know why i still cant find a steady job after 5 months applying to everything and its making me miserable. its embarassing, they say to be persistent with jobs but calling and even walking in to check on applications and watching employers awkwardly try to turn me away without just flat out telling me no even though none of them hire me is an exercise in public humiliation. how bad do you want a job? bad enough to make a fool of myself with nothing to show for it. and i want to make art for myself to cope but it takes too much time and time is money
maybe this post is about my art anxiety under capitalism. i dont know
i think im safe enough now to admit my friends gofundme i was posting about months ago about helping their friend escape their abusive household was actually my gofundme because i was worried about them finding out and preventing me from leaving or internet stalking me afterwards. i did hav a scare when i got a phone call i thought was from my brother but ended up being a police officer, whos my mother's friend ...
but anyways. me admitting this is just to give context that. i ran hundreds of miles away from financial security and everything i ever knew and im still struggling to find steady income nearly half a year later. i just dont understand what im doing wrong. is it my name? is it because im not from here? iv been working continuously ever since i could legally my resume isnt BAD. am i just stupid? should i have just tried to make peace with my lot in life?
i thought getting away from my family would let me be in a better place to create more art, thats one of the things i was so excited about but this feels just as stressful as when i was the only earner supporting my family during covid. i just want a stable job so i can make art. i dont want making art to be my Job. i dont want to be a ''starving artist'' begging for people to care about my art i just want to make art. but fuck i dont know how to sustain any of this
sorry for this mess. insurance is different out here and i havnt been able to find a psych either so its not like i can talk about this in therapy instead of venting on my art blog. all my life i wanted to make things without the fear of it all being destroyed. the main reason i havnt branched out from illustrations is because its entirety can be saved digitally even if its physically ruined. my sketchbooks were thrown away or ripped apart by my family either from carelessness or anger to hurt me but now that im finally enough safe to have them again or make something i can hold in my hands without the fear that someone will come in break it and make me clean up its corpse i cant afford it
i dont know what to do. is it worth it? is making art worth it? i mean. its worth the rent this month. and i still love drawing god this is probably bad for business because i dont want people to feel bad for commissioning me or anything but not to be dramatic why does it feel like im fucking dying
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cluelylikesporn · 5 months
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okay exam update cuz im actually really pissed off.
so im autistic + adhd, and only been diagnosed relatively recently, so i havent really been getting assistance until now. (autism diagnosis last year, adhd 2 years ago.)
my last exam was (still is) this period, and im going home once i finish it. one of my other exams i was sent to special ed (it’s called different things in australia and other schools but i dont wanna get doxxed) and the chick helping me (we’ll call her charlie) told me she couldnt even read the questions out to me… like i legit get more help in my normal exam conditions.
she told me WHILE HAVING A PANIC ATTACK “i think i know why your so upset, because you know you dont listen in class and just sleep and draw on your hand.” cunt, what..?
HOW ARE YOU WORKING WITH NEURODIVERGENT KIDS..?
i literally have spent my whole life wondering why i cant listen in class and hearing “just reread it.” or “your not listening hard enough.” is so fucking tiring. maybe explain it? she refused to help me because i “wasnt approved” to have a helper
the school knows im autistic so why do i have to be approved to get the help i need? like you dont have to make up all these forms and files. you have teachers who can help me literally in the building who could help me but you refuse.
okok i got rlly off topic but tldr on what happened today:
my teacher sent me to the special ed area to do my exam (last time he did they told me to go back) also shout out to my english teacher hes a legend. he gave me my sheet, i took a ritalin, said bye to the people i liked and left. (i used to take ritalin daily but now i jst take it to focus better in exams and shit)
i went to se and saw a couple kids i knew. one i hated and didnt know why he was there, one who has some mental problems so i understood why he was there. hes a sweetie. and some chick i knew who broke her wrist and had to write on a laptop.
so one by one they were assigned a teacher who would sit with them and help them/ read out questions and then the lady said “oh chloe your not supposed to be here, you have to go back to class.”
are you fucking kidding me.
i completely understand its not her or my teachers fault im not meant to be there, but im allowed to be a little frustrated. i asked why i kept getting sent here and why i couldn’t get help.
same shit about documents and boring stuff.
keep in mind i get ndis funding so i thought that would impact my education experience but nope, literally nothing. i also understand there could be things my mum hasnt done and that’s completely ok she has her own life, but also THE SCHOOL KNOWS IM AUTISTIC. that should be enough. its like i only get the help if i start ditching class and become an eshay or some shit like i shouldnt have to become a troubled kid to get help.
so the lady said my only benefit i even got from the school is like 5 minutes extra time. and she told me i could either go back to class or do my exam here( which means i could get no help/ questions read to me.)
ngl this was dumb of me but i said ok bc i didnt want to go back to class after saying bye to everyone😭
so i sat there with one airpod in, a pen that didnt fucking work, the only help i could get was eavesdropping on what the assistant teachers were saying but they were so quiet. i did manage to write some stuff but it was pretty fucking stressful. i couldnt stop thinking about what charlie said (the lady helping me with my maths the week before.)
this may sound super dumb but i saw a crow fly onto a table outside and i felt like it was watching over me. like it was looking right at me. it made me feel a bit better and i got some work done.
it wouldve been fine if those fucking assistant teachers didnt keep giving me pitiful looks like bro. i know im fucked.
anyway i finished my exam (barely) and went to the bathroom to tell my friend ab what happened, caught a bus home and am about to play dbd 😾
sorry for the long post im jst so pissed😭 but ily guys and ill post i swear🙏
song of the day:
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peachiime · 5 months
Note
Op may I ask for details about Tgirl Shinya? (<- Excited)
OKOKOK SO WHAT IF THIS REALLY FUCKED UP ANNOYING ASS PIECE OF SHIT GAMER BOY....... WAS A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!
there is no actual reason for the headcanon's existence, it was just a thought i had once, brushed off, and then it slowly expanded over time and literally just last night (i think) i decided. fuck it. girl shinya
but as we all know, the random ass thoughts are the best ones!
being the absolute name nerd i am, i've decided that maya could be a potential chosen name because it uses the exact same kanji as shinya. just. said different (真也) though usually i'm not one for calling a character by an entirely different name so she's staying shinya in my head and in future posts
her and futaboy are obviously jokers little siblings and therefore each other's siblings. shinya tries to give futaba tips on looking more masculine while futaba does the same for shinya on looking feminine. but a lot of their advice is fashion-oriented and. well. they dress like they had nothing but fabric scraps and plastic to piece together
and i think about torasojiwai family all the time!! we all know this. and i can't keep calling them torasojiwai family because i don't think that's a fitting name
but shinya and KAORU siblings. lets think about that.
"hey kaoru if you give me one of your dads model guns i'll give you money" "uhh no?? im not even allowed in his shop, i cant do that" "MISOGYNIST!!!!!!!!!"
kaoru isnt even the oldest of this sibling squad (futaba and ren are his brothers as well. remember that) but hes the most responsible out of all of them and god now that shinya has a minority card it is impossible to shut her up
tbh all of them would be teasing kaoru as the token cisgender. but this is not about kaoru this is about GIRL SHINYA
obv tora and sojiro are her dads as well. but iwai especially. gun dad gun daughter
i think he's ready to beat the shit out of anyone who messes with her in the slightest. tora is such a huge trans ally in my opinion. and sojiro uhhhhh......... he tries? ("NOBODY talks to MY SON that way HE is a GIRL" energy)
also im working on a design for her and its basically the same as before but with slightly different hair and also......
ok. maybe i can show you drawings right now.
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get hrt
i made this as a joke but also like. lowkey might draw my own designs for some of the non-party confidants soon and this helps me imagine things
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yeah basically the only major change to the design is the bottom half of her. because as much as i want this girl to look nice for once we also have to keep in mind that said girl is SHINYA ODA so. we cant have everything :/
blurry ass photos
you probably didn't want this post to be so long! but i am very passionate about girl shinya! my apologies
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