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ibeblizzard3 · 3 days

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Tw ED

😭😭 so a couple months ago(before I relapsed again) I invited my friends over for a sleepover which is gonna be today💀that’s why I can’t fast today. The only reason I even invited them was just so I could talk to one of them. I think one of my friends also has an ed I’m not sure though.. maybe we all have EDs lol. We’re all thin. One of them is a small portion Queen💅 the other told me at are last sleep over that she actually feels guilty eating around other people and that so feels even more guilty if she doesn’t finish her plate if everyone else does. Also once I told friend A(guilty girl) that I was 89 lbs and she said she weighed less than me in a shocked voice. Could have been some way to make me feel bad but idk she might have been lying. But then again you probably don’t expect to see someone 19 inch waist and you weigh less then them. Anyway, at the last sleep over me and friend A stayed up all night and shit. And we had a somewhat deep conversation. I wanted to continue it tonight(I can’t do it during the day cuz friend B(small potion queen)will try to turn every deep conversation into a silly one)and since my parents don’t know friend A’s parents very well, she can’t sleep over(friend B can tho) friend A is just gonna stay over for a bit ig. It’s kinda annoying cuz I have more in common with friend A, but I’ll live as long as friend B doesn’t get to comfortable and start acting like a 5 year old all of the sudden for literally no reason. Otherwise friend B is somewhat pleasant to be around(sadly no deep convo’s tho☹️) but that’s not the real problem. Eating is… I got to choose the food cuz it was at my house duh, but my mom acted like I was trying to starve them when I made our meal 300cal so now it’s 500cal. It’s a lot more than I would like and my mom still wants to get them soda. If they do actually have EDs they’ll hate that. Plus they can also have bread(I don’t like bread) I’ll probably try to pick at my food and shit and not finish anything I eat. It’ll be hard but i really don’t want binge, and i try eating normally I will. I will also give options for the calories tho. I’ll let them choose what and how much they want(I hope it doesn’t cause to much stress) they can choose between a 200 or 300 cal ramen or just have bread or just fruit or whatever. I’m honestly scared that I’ll binge(when I eat in front of others I tend to get super nervous and binge which makes them think I have a super metabolism lol, I hate when they make jokes like “you’ll eat anything” or “wow that’s a lot” or “you eat a lot for your size” though) funny enough another friend of mine used to skinny shame me a lot like “your so skinny” or “that’s because your so skinny” or “you don’t eat(me literally eat ten buckets of candy I don’t even like)” that shit ya know? She stopped now, either she realized it was rude and pointless or I’m not skinny to her anymore(I did gain 10 lbs but also lost 3 inches of my waist) so idk. Anyway I just invited friends A and B to my sleepover. And I’m kinda dreading it, I didn’t lose enough weight so I’m dry fast until 3:30pm and eating at 5:30pm (which will mean a 24 hr water fast and a 22 hr dry fast). I really hope it helps me lose weight today 🤞also I can’t purge cuz one of them will be sleeping over💀💀😭😭😭