#still friends with them tho

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[nouverx]

Thought of a cute Hazbin au idea. What if it wasn't Alastor who first approached the hotel in the pilot... but Rosie? And of course she'll drag Alastor along. Let's forget about that 7 year disappearance and jsut say he was crashing on her couch like a lazy cat for this and she wants him to help the hotel as payment for letting him crash there

I'm so so sorry the only thing I focused on was "he was crashing on her couch like a lazy cat" bc I love it 😭

I wonder where he lived before crashing at the hotel? Maybe he had a cute little appartement at cannibal town who knows. But I like to think he used to be Rosie's roomate eheh

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel fanart #hazbin alastor #hazbin rosie #radiorose #radiostatic...? kinda? #doodle #sketch #art request #I'm throwing some radiostatic here and there bc I love their dynamic I wish I could draw more comics about them #even tho it's one sided I like to imagine that Alastor still liked Vox as a friend and got just as much hurt by their fallout

[idkanameatall]

Thinking AB the old dnd campaign I was in

#the duck quacks #(its less than a year ago but shh) #first proper campaign i was in #i still love my character #he started out as bard himbo and i had more plans for him to get angsty #(he is obsessed with heroism and kinda glorifies a 'heroic sacrifice/death) #also he was adopted by an retired adventuring party as a kid #i love him sm i might do a bigger post on jim and also show off design #campaign sadly got discontinued after a few months #(there was an argument between a player in DM. the table was overcrowded etc etc) #we were actually at a point where we were very close to a TPK but the next session never came #still friends with them tho #someone else ended up starting their own campaign a few months ago and its SM FUN #i still miss the old one sometimes

[wyvernity]

been thinking about the sinnohtrio lately......plus misc other stuff

also, casual ko-fi drop!! get something in this sketchy style starting at $10 woop woop

#finally decided to do a commission test run u_u #pokemon #trainer lyra #trainer kris #trainer dawn #trainer lucas #rival barry #rival silver #ayalumi #hisuian zorua #luxio #timeskip tag #rkgk #anyway it's sinnoh time !!! #still figuring out their designs and lore but this works for now #god's specialest little guys & their very normal bestfriend who they would kill/die for. up to interpretation who is killing/dying #dawn is the platinum protag who meets giratina and becomes champion #distortion world affected her way more than compared to cynthia and cyrus since she's still a developing kid. but hey cool ghost hair! #4-5 yrs later lucas gets blasted to hisui..lost his memory for the three years he's there and when arceus sends him back he's just like Man #the entire time barry is CHILLING PLAYING HAVING FUN #and forever worried abt his friends ): dawn & lucas are soo nonchalant about what happened to them it's a bit concerning to everyone else #design comments umm the only thing that matters is that they still have their og scarves 👍 #and i guesss these are spring/summer outfits. winter dawn gets leggings and big coat ok. she already has too much yin energy #btw i use the cleanse tag as the direct opposition to the spell tag even tho that's probably not a real thing LOL) #oh yea barry wears the tower master ribbon 24/7. tower tycoon in training and won't shut up about it (i love him) #character dynamics i will talk abt that in another post if i feel like it... these days i just want to go replay pla aughh

[jajanvm-imbi]

Same day (((':

Same day :,)))

#theyre so silly #i love them #their friendship is so wonderful im glad theyre friends again #(even if the development wasnt exactly earned i felt like it was waaaaaaaaay too rushed) #theyre still my silly blorbos tho <3333 #helluva boss #helluva blitzo #helluva fizzarolli #hb blitzo #hb fizzarolli #fizzarolli #blitzo #blitzø #helluva boss blitzo #helluva boss fizzarolli #mammons magnificent musical mid-season special #helluva boss season 2 #blitzfizz

[bbq-potato-chip]

thinking about saiura

#my art #saiki k #tdlosk #saiki no psi nan #the disastrous life of saiki k #saiki kusuo #aiura mikoto #mikosai #saiura #i like them as friends more often but...an impulse came over me idk what happened . .. #i got an anon a couple days ago saying they liked my mikosai arts even tho i . didnt mean for those 2 be ship arts #so this one goes out to you #usually i dont like it when ppl tag my stuff as ship but i had a change of heart #(btw those other arts are still intended as platonic/ friendship stuff but i'm making an exception just this once) #anyway. no one probably wanted to listen 2 all that but yeagh #more recent art but not really. i really tried to do like have a bunch of arts on queue type deal but it didnt work . like at all. #anyway peace and love

[pandoratheprocrasticreator]

...cinematic...parallels?

#toh #the owl house #for the future #luz noceda #hunter toh #hunter noceda #amity blight #gus porter #camila noceda #willow park #hollow mind #aw this time when luz and hunter get teleported with a big spell circle they have all their friends with them #also everyone got to bring along their palismen #except hunter he can never bring flapjack along on these things :') #still teleporting to face unspeakable horrors with a major series villain tho #oh and belos is there too #shut up pandora #ive connected the dots #ive connected them

[hershey-the-person]

what does pinterest think of you?

search up -

aura

album

view

animal

@butterfliesareamyth @treasure-goblin @potato-salad-uk @kale-of-the-forbidden-cities @feeling-kinda-sad-ngl @nicknelsonblog @writingandwritten @loulooser @amenacingsloth @fingerfuck-the-function @periwinkle-the-11th @rorythinks @kip-davis @imactuallyagiraffe @panic-like-the-disaster-you-are @willows-woes @joeylivesinspace @lyssified @shortgaything @the-literally-anything-blog @literallyspiderman @toast-jpg @crow-flower @and anyone who wants in!!!!

#pinterest #tag game #i was thinking about a friend who i was speaking about pinterest with a few days ago and then i suddenly had the urge to download it again #cuz PINTEREST YANNO #so anyways pls intereact dont let this flop PLS 😭 #also the way all my searches were so accurate #pinterest knows me too well dawg 😪 #I LOVE THE WALLOWS #tho haven't heard them in a while #in my punk rap era but still live their music regardless #and also #the cat is so me #😭 #also trying to interact with some mutuals who ive never interacted with before or been really long since we did #and the regular ones always there lol #pls lmk if u dont wanna be tagged :)

[dkettchen]

I've determined that my relationship to groups of straight men is I'm like a cute little monkey that can do tricks for them (ex. at a party at uni one time one of the guys brought like a 5kg(?) dumbbell from his room and had me try n lift it with my tiny E-based spaghetti arms, and when I labourously managed to they all cheered), or like- when I wanna say smth, they'll shush their other lads like "yo, shut up, the monkey's gonna talk! I wanna hear what it has to say!", like they don't sexualise me (cause issa monkey) but they're still endeared to me (cause is tiny and cute)

like you know those capuchin monkeys that people put in little outfits, that's what lads see when they look at me

it's giving freak show (affectionate) a little bit, but I think straight men not being interested in me while still being nice to me is possibly the best nonbinary deal I coulda gotten out of this

#*mind you individual ones still look at me a little too enamoured sometimes #but it's very reassuring re my anxiety abt what'll happen once I pass better now #trans #nonbinary #transmasc #although I'm still peeved at the times where it was specifically abt me not being Strong™ cause my dysphoria has a thing abt that #I do like them listening to my wisdoms tho x'D #I got to chat to some guy friends abt men's lib yesterday and learnt of the 'literally me' meme #that's seemingly specifically abt ryan gosling characters the manosphere bros are obsessed w #(and they're not sleeping on ken I'm very happy to hear) #and I showed them some tumblr history videos so we did like a reddit tumblr culture exchange lmao

[halcified]

to be clear i think the funniest direction to take ritsu and terus relationship is that they arent besties Or haters i think they try really really hard to be nice to each other (not because they dislike each other, just to make a good impression) for mob + their works sake but they see through each other immediately, and, because they both hate losing, it just devolves into passive aggressive middle school pettiness where they both keep doing really nice things for each other in a battle to see which one of them will cave first, all while inwardly seething and setting up more and more challenges to prove theyre the Better more Genuine friend in between like. warrior cats roleplay or whatever these two get up to. except that it backfires and they realize they do kind of sincerely really like each other as people. but also they still one up each other constantly for fun

#mp100 #riteru #<< AGAIN target audience not necessary tho #sequel to that other post btw #to be clear this is a gradual background thing #like theyre still hanging out regularly but its interspersed with this undercurrent of like #'Tch. ill buy teru this shirt he really wanted. THATLL show him!' #whereas mob is just like. aw. :-) ritsu has a friend :-) #theyd go to a cafe and it would be this intense back and forth of INSISTING that they pay. Really its fine. except this goes on for an hour #tome (shes here bc teru and her sre besties inmy heart) and mob have to force them to split the bill #i dont know if this is necessarily the most in character thing for them but as stated: it Is the funniest #text

[maladaptivedaydreamsx]

not me immediately getting jude from this

who did you guys get? 👀

#idk any of them i just see jude around a lot so it made me chuckle #@/judejazza and their wonderful posts i often run into #victor is apparently my opposite from these options and elbert is my 2nd choice or smth #(friends and i usually do 'quizzes' 3x to get our main/secondary/opposite) #anyway im just snooping around now. still not sure how i feel abt it but was never too tempted for ikevil. #the less gacha in my life atp the better ngl ;;;;;;;; its why ive stayed away from most of the new games and tryna limit current ones #though if they ever do finally drop ikegen (unlikely asf) ..... count my ass in #i can't even be mad ikepri dropped bc ive enjoyed it so much more than i ever thought i would. easily my fav or 2nd fav bc ikerev #i still adore ikerev and magic and the world building and everything.. alice is just pretty dumb sometimes #which is why i adore b&tb-esque belle/emma so much. also why i like mai in some routes (ikesen humor op) #ikevamp has always just kinda been there tbh. usually the events feel more interesting than the routes ngl;;; charas are fun tho #anyway let's see how this bad boy goes #who did y'all get?? #ikevil #ikemen villains #my post 📫 #aerin.jpg #from the official ig acct btw

[sysig]

Two big softies(?) (Patreon)

#Doodles #Handplates #UT #Fellplates #Gaster #Flowey #Flowey is still my favourite UT character so honestly a lot of this was just self-indulgent doodles lol #But then - as always - it did turn into Thinking A Lot about [thing] lol #Starting with the classic tho! Flowey friendly-like coiled around whoever he's talking to ♪ It's too fun hehe #I love Flowey getting just a liiiiittle too close and personal to a discomfort degree ♫ He's just being friendly! It's a hug! A snuggle! #He's your best friend so you don't mind right? :) Why would Fellplates!Gaster mind ♪ #He's always posed to stage right when I draw him haha - I'm still fond of the one Gravity Falls/Undertale crossover piece I made with him #Anyhow lol - yet more fluffy wings! It's just fun if they're expressive I want real feathers lol #Gaster's face completely neutral but his wings all puffed up and freaked out hehe #Flowey would definitely be able to tell if those are when he chose to wrap around! #If they were just the decorative version he'd fall right off from his own weight pulling them loose lol #Absolutely thinking of the one of Gaster screaming while being vine-wrapped by Flowey haha - he's totally innocent here! ♥ #And then a little idea of how each of them react to humans - UkaGaster talks a lot about his general positive feelings for humans #And Fell!Flowey is.....well I have my own thoughts about how he might react to humans now that he's been...himself for a while #There have been Fallen Humans in the time between being locked in the Underground and [now] even in Underfell hasn't there? #I guess none of them would've made it as far as meeting up with Gaster - bit of a dark thought heh - but Flowey would know #Is it selfish? To wish for humans or to keep them a secret from the rest of the Underground? What might happen? #It's interesting to think about! If there were humans then surely Gaster must be aware of the Souls? #But even if not - even if this could be before all that - Flowey would still know about human Determination to an extent - being what he is #It wouldn't turn out well for anyone :) That's what makes it interesting ♪

[funkbun]

haven't drawn a baby grumpy in so long.... grumpus grub

#they're soooo baby creature.... babything supreme #modern day grumpuses are still ambush predators they just use that skill for different things aside from hunting creatures #like waiting 2 hours in a single spot just for one of their friends to walk by and scare em #The Journalist is 100% still a full on ambush predator tho. dont mess with them #bug game

[imthursdaysyme]

past relationship stancy

#stranger things #drawing #art #steve harrington #digital art #nancy wheeler #nancy wheeler fanart #steve harrington fanart #stancy #i’m not a romantic stancy girl #i am tho a #we had a absolutley devastating soul crushing past relationship and wr both still love each other but not romantically #that’s my love #i love divorced stancy with a kid #i love past stancy where they’re nervous around each other bc they both crushed each others hearts #i just love the way you can see their relationship change and grow past the romantic #and see what might happen if they let themselves be friends later #and then they still have such a softness toward each other in later life after the breakup bc they need to be delicate with each other #overcompensate even with softness and kindness #bc they both look at each other and see what they used to be and what happened between them #anyway #comic #stranger things fanart

[rainbowpufflez]

Giovanni homophobia arc™️

#they’re all fucking with Gio which is why Rose still asks about them all dating #the real reason Team RR fell apart /j #they aren’t called Team Rainbow Rocket for nothing 😏 #all ur ships can be real if you’re brave enough #someone get Cyrus’s aro/ace outta there tho #that poor man just wants to leave #Archie and Maxie makeout session #Ghetsis is homophobic cause I say so /hj #sorry for the jumpscare in page two (lying) #Gus and Lys wouldn’t actually be dating at this point in the timeline but they are here for the joke #I tried on the French can’t promise it’s right 😭 #my friend checked it tho so hopefully we slay (shoutout to my friend tho fr!!) #All u need to know is Lys has murderous intentions as per usual #Archie is trans because I love him #Lys is Archie and Maxie’s designated fight stopper cause I hate him #team rainbow rocket #giovanni pokemon #lysandre pokemon #cyrus pokemon #lusamine pokemon #chairman rose #archie pokemon #maxie pokemon #ghetsis pokemon #perfectworldshipping #hardenshipping #<- u can tag it as other ships those are just the two ones I definitely implied #go crazy go stupid #make em a big polycule why not /hj #rainbowpufflez art tag

[so-very-small]

the tiny, inside the walls, hyping themself up: It’s totally fine. Everything I’ve seen from this human shows that they’re kind, level headed, and normal. There’s utterly nothing wrong with this human, and I can totally befriend them! I shouldn’t be scared at all!

the tiny: *peeks out hole in the bathroom wall, looking up at the giant before them*

the giant, in front of the bathroom sink, obliviously doing their nightly routine: *removes their dentures*

the tiny, has no concept of what dentures are, who just saw this behemoth remove all the bones and flesh from its own mouth in one swift pull, without a flinch of pain: what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck

#g/t #giant tiny #teeth tw #slight body horror tw #i feel like that warrants a tag #anyways I MIGHT HAVE TO GET DENTURES. FUCKIN WHAT #IM TWENTY FIVE #tbh i knew i needed them. but still. got that news today. fuckin nuts #anyways. sorry to ramble abt my irl life. but if i told any of my irl friends i was getting dentures id be roasted #not in a mean way. but there was a denture related incident at the place we all worked years ago. and they would be making parallels so fast #plus i think itll be fun to tell no one and then yank em out at a party as a surprise #can u even yank dentures. idk. ill find out tho! #again sorry for rambling i just love to ramble actually #(also absolutely no shame against ppl w dentures! teeth r incredibly important to self esteem tbh and dentures r a wonderful aid to have) #(like man im gonna smile so much after. chew w both sides of my mouth) #GO BRUSH UR TEETH BTW