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moregraceful · 9 months

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feeling uncooperative with the prompts in the meme. between cheech and old pat which one would survive a joint venture into a thrift store? and which of them would you convert into a minor league baseball player if you had a magic wand

God yeah I reblogged that list and then read the questions and was like...this list is wack lol. Anyway THANK YOU these questions are much more important and gets really into the Hearts and Minds of these men.

Who survives a joint venture to the thrift store: Old Pat. It's Old Pat. Man has looked 40 years old since he hit puberty and has just kept growing older. Old man is in his element with the real senior citizens. However it is very important to me to mention that they're going to a bespoke thrift store for like farm and cowboy shit. Cheech could handle normal thrifting. Cheech would be great at normal thrifting. But take him to a store where it's JUST vintage farming equipment and cowboy leather shit and that city boy is going to panic. Old Pat is having a blast looking at pieces of metal that clearly spark joy in his construction worker heart but make NO sense to Cheech, son of academics, WHL overager. Cheech agreed to come to the store to push the cart but now he is manfully deep breathing while Old Pat examines a metal thing with rings. Is it for horses? Is it for wearing? Is it a BDSM thing? Do you put it on a tractor? Cheech is scared. (It is literally just a beval bit.) These stores don't exist in the Bay Area but maybe they do in idk Manitoba or Michigan or whatever. Or Gilroy, where all our dreams come true.

Minor league baseball player: the thing is, we're on Sieloff Watch (KING. ANNOUNCE YOUR RETIREMENT OR SIGN SOMEWHERE BEFORE I THROW UP) and Cheech is having his hot girl summer. So I'm inclined to say Cheech, just bc I think he has a shot in hell of making it OUT of minor league baseball. Also he is handsome like a baseball player. He has the looks for it. Not that you have to be handsome to be a baseball player but it helps. Can you imagine that man in the humid outfield of some nameless town in the San Joaquin Valley, fighting for his life in the game, the top three buttons of his jersey are undone, his curls are wilting, the uhhhh idk Fresno Nightcrawlers, AA for some cursed af West Coast team, are down 9-7 in the 8th, when the skies open up and it starts pouring...the stands, already two-thirds empty on a Tuesday night clear, while the teams run for cover under the downpour. Nick stands in the outfield and tilts his head toward the sky, feeling, for a moment, relief and peace.

#this was soooo fun thank you #i unpacked 21 boxes of books. i need to organize since the categorization is loose but at least there are no longer 24 boxes in that room #there is a box of comics i don't want and two boxes of cookbooks for the kitchen #idk what to do with the comics. the part of my life where i was an issue by issue reader of comics is over #tempted to loosely inventory and sell on ebay like here for $50 all these doa indies can be YOUR problem #i'm also missing a whole chunk of my tkams but my mom says she saw a box of them in another room #which is good bc i would literally go insane if i were truly missing any of my intl copies of tkam some of that shit was SO hard to aquire #anyway i just remembered what i was going to say which is that in the cuda frontier town au in my shower thoughts #siels is the washer woman. he runs a laundry. employs robbie (too small to ride horses) and weather (doesn't want to be a cowboy)#cheech comes from way out of town bc he's on the run from the LAW (shot a man in manitoba but the other guy had it coming)#he lives in old pat's house above the laundry. shares a bedroom with robbie. siels teaches him how to get the blood off of leather #siels falls in love but the LAW catches up with cheech and he has to run further west and old washerwoman pat and his boys stonewall the LA #siels thinks of him still on cold nights. when he can hear his boarders laughing through the walls as they play cards #what life must be like to be young and in love..... (he is literally 28)#also henry is the one room school teacher #cage replies #anon #i love this ask lol thank you so much 🙏😌

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snowangeldotmp3 · 1 year

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need 2 read more queer history books.

#if anyone has any recommendations let me know!#i love nonfiction books <3 #getting stonewall reader soon #very excited for that

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jennamacaroni · 1 year

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The nights following the Stonewall raid consisted primarily of loosely organized speeches. Various LGBT factions were coming together publicly for the first time, protesting the oppressive treatment of the community. Up until that moment, LGBT people had simply accepted their lot in life. That all changed. There was a spirit of rebellion in the air. More than just merely begging to be treated equally, it was time to stand up, stand out, and demand an end to fearful deference.

Mark Segal, "And Then I Danced"; from "The Stonewall Reader" edited by the New York Times

#mark segal #quotes #what i’m reading #and then i danced #the stonewall reader

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bramb · 11 months

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Ohhh hey it's my mutual @orionhong!! Thanks for reminding me that books exist and I barely read them. Threw me back to when I would lie about reading books for my library's summer reading program, when I knew damn well I'd never finished them.

Book that pleasantly surprised you:

The Things They Carried, by Tim O'Brien. Vietnam War book written by a veteran. Surprisingly anti war! It had a lot of complex emotions and stories.

Book that disappointed you:

The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho. 🤮 A guy is obsessed with reuniting with this girl. Then he sees some other girl and decides she must be his wife. No interesting scenes to mention.

Current read:

The Stonewall Reader!!!! Beautiful collection of stonewall recounts and stories from before, during, and after the 1969 riots. I'm so sad about not being able to finish this book. But it would understand.

Top 2 books on your tbr:

Falling Up, by Shel Silverstein. I read it as a kid, and it would be really interesting to go back with fresh eyes!

Stone Butch Blues, by Leslie Feinberg. It's honored by trans and wlw communities alike! Even though it has sexual abuse, The Stonewall Reader has prepared me. I think I'll have a really good time with this one and I can't wait to pick it up!

Rec a book to the person who tagged you:

The House On Mango Street, by Sandra Cisneros. Collection of vignettes about Latino life and growing up. The imagery is really compelling! Or.. you know.. The Stonewall Reader is right there. Once I return it to the library, that is.

@oxycocoadone, @tarkatan, @needletailz, @jaxthekat, and @skinglet

#the things they carried #the stonewall reader #falling up #shel silverstein #stone butch blues #trans #lesbian #wlw #the house on mango street #boysen monologues

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vaugarde · 1 year

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anyways on a lighter note, im gonna go on the hunt for stonewall riot protestor and lgbtq rights movement memoirs, and lgbtq people who grew up around that time period in general because of a school project i want to propose (but still may do as a personal project later on anyways if it gets denied, which i don’t think it will considering what i’ve been told)

anyone have any recommendations?

#i will take memoirs from anyone who participated and will be looking for them regardless #but since the idea i have focuses on lesbians; bi women; trans women transfems nonbinary people etc #id love to see memoirs from those perspectives #im already ordering stonewall; the riots that sparked the gay revolution #and im gonna see if i can find books written on martha p johnson and storme delarverie #echoed voice #also no im not relying on tumblr for this LSKDFJSKLDF just figured since im mutuals w a lot of readers id ask #i assure u all of my actual research will be done on legitimate websites and i will put in the work to find everything #just wanted to know if there were more obscure ones or interesting reads anyone came across

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magicinavalon · 2 years

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"The restlessness welled insatiable inside me." - City of Night, John Rechy

#currently reading the stonewall reader #a collection of activist stories depicting the fight for queer rights in 1960s NYC #this line in particular was added from John Rechy's book #queer stuff #queer history #stonewall #for the writer in you

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grimmthorne · 3 months

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okay so I need to do a deep dive of my blog and find all of the cool stuff i reblogged about being queer and trans and compile it all into one tag so I can keep looking at it and keep being happy about it

#i need to start collecting things like that. i need to make an archive somehow #maybe i can start with a carrd?#idk. either way im going to make a collection somehow #and i need to get through more books about being trans and stuff bc i found the pdf for one!! and it's fun to read #i need to find another specific one and finish skimming the stonewall reader

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kendallcantread · 4 months

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good brain food books

#kendallcantread #bookblr #booklr #booksbooksbooks #lgbt books #book recs #lgbt #sylvia plath #the bell jar #the stonewall reader

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groguspicklejar · 6 months

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feeling hella angsty today so i'm making it everybody's problem because if i'm crying, you're crying with me. really thinking about fuck boy!johnny x soft!reader in a fwb thing.

fuck boy!johnny who gave mixed signals when he was in a situationship with you. he fucked you good and gave you the best aftercare and breakfast in bed and texted sweet things to you on some days but other days, it was complete radio silence.

you tried to be good for him, tried to make him fall for you the way you did with him by cooking him dinner, letting him sleep in your bed because according to him, he sleeps better in it than his own bed. talking to him over the phone at night when the night terrors crept in and he couldn't stand the silence. sending him care packages when he was deployed, etc etc.

you really tried to step around and venture into something further than a situationship but he would often stonewall you because he wanted to have his fun in case he dies too early in life.

it hurts that you know its not exclusive and you often hear from your friends that he was with other girls and then he comes to you being all soft and sweet so you forgive him because deep down, you hoped that maybe you can have a talk with him about it. then he broke off the situationship because you wanted more and assumed he did too but turns out he didn't. so you took the L, cut your losses and never spoke to him again.

cut to three years later when Johnny's life flashes in his eyes and he's all alone in Las Almas, trying to stay alive and all he could think about is how wrong he's treated you and how he should've changed his ways and he should've never let you go when you did.

he's determined to get those missiles back so badly because what if they're launched where you live? what if he fails and you pay the ultimate price? he doesn't even want to even entertain the thought of that because he wants to make amends before it's too late.

once the mission is over, he looks under his bed and finds one of the boxes you had sent him all those years ago and finds the little notes with hearts and kisses all over them. tears well up in his eyes because you were the only woman he's been with who cared enough to send a package for him and he was a fucking idiot with the way he played with your emotions.

he holds the cards to his chest and prays that you might give him one chance. just one more chance to make things right and he will do everything he can to be worthy of the love you once gave him.

when he flies to your town, scared shitless, legs jittery and hands shaking once he stands yards away from your house because he didn't think to write a speech and has absolutely no idea what the fuck he's supposed to say to you.

but he bucks up and goes to knock on your door. lo and behold, you answer the door and you're shocked to see him. but he isn't just stunned to see you. he's more surprised by the little toddler hanging off your hip.

#what's in the picklejar #fuckboy!soap #soap angst #soap x reader #soap x you #soap x fem reader #john soap mctavish x reader #john soap mctavish x you #john mactavish x you #john mactavish x reader #soap fanfic #call of duty x you #call of duty x reader #cod fic #cod fanfic #cod angst #141 x reader #task force 141 #141

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anantaru · 7 months

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DAY 28 — BODYGUARD AU

kinktober 2023. — masterlist | ao3

a/n. this can be seen as a continuation of my previous bodyguard au fic with wriothesley, make sure to check it out as well if you're interested, anyways, enjoy loves!

𖧡 — including — wriothesley

𖧡 — warnings — fem! reader, bodyguard au, a little mean wriothesley & very teasing wriothesley, fingering & against the wall, some dirty talk and ugh he's a little asshole honestly

bodyguard wriothesley was watching you, always watching you throughout the day, leisurely, and your heart suddenly skips a beat when he calls you, "princess," again, your breathing turning shallow as his broad body stands before you, slowly pressing you against the cold stonewall in the middle of the night— and it doesn't matter on how many times he would take the opportunity to tease you, he will always pull the same, coarse reactions out from your body and mind.

without dissembling, it excites you, a liquid hotness coursing through your pumping veins and leaving tingles all over your spine when he first cradles your cheek. his nostrils flaring as he focuses on your silent pleas— spotlights the pout on your pretty face and your teeth digging into your bottom lip as he lifts your head by your chin, his eyes searing through you.

bodyguard wriothesley who chuckles lowly, his lidded eyes as deep and dark as the ocean itself, "what's wrong, boss?" he teases, his grip holding you firmly against the wall as one hand slowly travelled south before looping his digits under your skirt until resting right above the waistband of your panties. "don't tell me you're actually nervous?" he whispers, almost cruelly and it drives you insane, the moment he says it, the moment he cups in between your legs and feel how you've already messed up your underwear.

"i'm not nervous," you rasp back and feel how your blood rises, "and i'm not paying you for this, you know,"

he chuckles wetly, "not paying me for this, yeah?" his breath tickling your ear.

by now, your nipples have hardened and sticked through the thin material of your dress, and of course, he had noticed it, salivated at the sight because he watched you, he has always watched you— you're so pretty it makes his head spin, and even though you could be mean, a little brat to be exact, as your bodyguard he has to endure it because later on, he will always have the chance to pay you back.

bodyguard wriothesley who drags one finger over your wet folds before circling it across the little pearl hidden in between the flesh, smiling viciously as you rest your head against his broad and strong chest then moan out, his onslaught of touches proving to be comforting on the reactive, thin skin on your core. he presses into you now, solely focused on that pressure between your thighs when you swallow him inside, breathing heavily into his clothed body.

"well, look at you," wriothesley smiles, his gesturing mocking as he cocks a brow, "who knew my boss was so desperate, so wet and so willing to—"

"shut up!" you mewl back angrily, then whine when he pumps a second finger in, faster and harder in and out of your tight hole clamping down on his digits.

your legs shake and twitch, and you notice how your slickness had not only covered his entire hand, but began to run and gather over the insides of your thighs— you're trembling, the small winces like music to his eager ears as bodyguard wriothesley continues to send violent tremors all over the expanse of your wet sex, the soft flesh of your walls sucking him in until he was knuckles deep pumping in and out, in and out, his facial expression vicious and alluring all in the same breath.

bodyguard wriothesley who likes when you're breathing heavily due to his sweet ministrations on your wet pussy, your body pitching forward as your hips desperately ride his fingers to catch your buzzing pleasure by the root, so you could cum and feel satiated all over again.

your hands becoming clammy as you cling yourself against him, your erotic puffs of air rolling from your tongue all the way to his smooth lips being just a hairbreadth away.

a loud, cruel laugh buzzes over your pouted lips when he laps the flat of his tongue inside your mouth before circling his pink muscle over your own, never letting go of the strong and deep thrusts into your pussy rolling over his digits so fucking heavenly that the obvious growing pain in his groin was not as bad as it actually was— now, your vision was blurred and a heavy weight of pressure gathers on your throbbing cunt, it's just so hot when he touches you, so disgustingly hot and you love it dearly.

"come on, princess," he whispers, "cum for me, i'll protect you," and your teeth were knocking against his as it's more tongue than actual making out taking place as you whine out strongly at the tingling vibrations being instantly set free— your belly tight as bodyguard wriothesley easily overpowers you with two long, thick fingers splitting you in half, his hand unforgivingly thrusting up into your heat as you violently cum all over him without warning, eyes rolled back and drool running from the corners of your mouth when he coaxes a strong orgasm out of your trembling frame.

your complete figure melts forward and rests against his chest as he wraps one hand around your waist to allow your frail body to sink against his entirely.

"good.. very good," wriothesley coos proudly at you, still tracing slow shapes all over your swollen walls as he pumps into them ever so slightly, catching on to your little whimpers and sniffles— he grins, of course he did, a mocking smile lingering on his glowing face as he slants his lips towards the shell of your ear,

"now it's your turn, boss."

#genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin smut #genshin impact smut #wriothesley x reader #wriothesley smut #kinktober #genshin x you #genshin impact x you #wriothesley x you #genshin impact drabbles #genshin drabbles #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact fanfics

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flem17ng · 1 month

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Vault Dweller's guide to perpetuating America:

Lucy Maclean x Fem!reader

Summary: Lucy is getting married and reader is forced to watch. but vault tech never planned for the inevitability of Sapphics…

Content: Fluff and angst, systematic homophobia, happy ending, no use of y/n

Authors note: Let me know if you want more of this or have any prompts to send it :)

Word count: 3.1K

Gay people were not a thing according to Vault Tech. They did not add to the breading pool, they did not fit into the nuclear future, they simply did not fit in the vault. Unlike sperm, cola, and corn, homosexuals did not play a key part in perpetuating the American dream. This was a good enough explanation for anyone willing to enquire (and enquire they had in the early years of Vault 33), but overall, as the years of confinement and isolation dragged on, and marriage for the sake of breading continued, homosexuality was quite simply... forgotten.

Rely on a schooling system created by greying, rich, white men to eradicate historical depictions of minorities. Education in the vaults was about the great west, cowboys, the splitting of the atom, the creation of the commonwealths, and the importance of capitalism; education was certainly not for understanding the distant Stonewall riots or the ancient tunes of "Freddy Mercury". heck! This was the new world! a once in a lifetime opportunity to reshape society! If Vault Tech could systematically remove a section of society that could not reproduce and thus could not recolonize the wasteland then they sure as hell would do just that.

Now let's be clear: Vault Tech loves and values all its customers! The fight against the Reds was the fight for American freedom, for the dream, for the nuclear family, for the blue, white, and red! America celebrates freedom for all! but even in the great year of 2077, scientists at Vault tech simply couldn't work in the variable of homosexuals into the Vault system. At least not into the control vaults. Systematic eradication is, by all means, easier than acceptance.

Vault 33! One vault in a triad with 31 and 32. A dedicated meritocracy built on the values of one's good deeds. Lucy Maclean prided herself on her merit and her ethics. She knew how to de-escalate a conflict, she knew how to stand up for her beliefs, and she knew the importance of kindness. She also knew her valuable role as a woman in the Vault 33 society.

As a woman, the daughter of the overseer, she would be a community leader, a history teacher, and maybe later in life, she would run for council. As a woman, she would also get married (preferably not to her cousin) and have little vault babies who would grow up, learn their own merit, and so on and so on. To say that Lucy was comfortable and fulfilled by this prediction of her life would be... a vast exaggeration.

Yes, she understood her importance as a potential mother! Yes, she loved and valued her community, her family, and her job. But something stopped her from becoming stagnant. Something about this perfect path she had been given just wasn't right for her. It grated at her relentlessly, a thorn in her side, a nagging hunch she couldn't shake. Surely it would change on the day of her wedding. She would meet her husband, kiss, make babies, have cake and everything would settle. The unease she felt would lessen and she would accept her designated role.

"I am so glad your marriage application was accepted! I just cannot wait for you to join us wives!" Steph squeaked, one hand cradling the ever-growing bump in her tummy while the other waved around to illustrate her excitement. Steph was the carbon copy of what Vault Tech stood for: she was a wife, a soon-to-be mother, smart and strong-willed. She was drop-dead gorgeous with well-maintained hygiene. when you thought of the "American dream" you thought of Stephanie Harper.

Lucy grinned back, fighting the urge to roll her eyes (eye rolling was rude and there were more effective ways to respectfully communicate your disdain).

"Oh golly! to think in a few short hours I’ll be on my way to furthering the vault's great aim!" She smiled for real this time because she knew her discomfort did not stem from contempt for motherhood.

"Oh, Lucy spare me the lewd details!" Steph giggled before winking.

"I know you don't mean that Steph. you and me both know you want as much detail as I can give." Lucy chuckled, picking at the canned tuna on her plate.

The dining area near the cornfield was particularly packed today; everyone wanted one last glimpse of Lucy Maclean before she was assigned to the ranks of wife. The stares and whispers were not unwelcome, however. They reminded her of the community that she was a part of the community she had been raised to help and to eventually add to.

"I hope he's handsome" Steph breathed, looking begrudgingly at her own husband who was standing awkwardly next to the Nuka-Cola machine with Chet. Lucy just swallowed hard and nodded. It was easier to think about the more fun parts of marriage than linger on the particulars of her mystery partner.

She was grateful for the marriage of course. It meant an excuse to cut things off with Chet who had been steadily grating on her nerves since she was 15 (he seemed to love her and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't begin to think of him like that in return. his warm body was truly his only perk.) It was also a milestone for her, a badge of honor to her community service. This is what vault tech wanted! This is what America wanted!

Lucy pushed back from her chair, suddenly feeling nauseous.

"Lucy, are you ok? you look a little pale dear?" Betty called from the seat next to her father. At the sound of her voice, the vault dwellers looked up to find Lucy standing awkwardly by her table.

"Oh! Yes, quite alright thank you!" she shrugged, teeth glinting with faux charm. "I just... I just wanted to have a nap before it gets too chaotic." lying was wrong. You were taught that very young in Vault 33. Lucy pushed down the stab of guilt before turning on her heels towards her family's shared apartment.

You watched her stand up from her table with a start that made you furrow your eyebrows and look away quickly. You would never admit to anyone that you had been staring at her, but you knew you had been. She was easy to stare at! She was a figure of authority, in a sweet and slightly clumsy way. Your excuse, should anyone catch you, was simply that you admired her can-do spirit! (that wasn't a lie though you couldn't label it as the truth either).

The other part of the truth was that you had been staring at her like a lost puppy since her marriage arrangement was announced. You and Lucy's friendship was... complicated. You had grown up together (as all vault children did), and your families were close (but not related as a "fun class DNA test" had proved during your school years). things got rocky as you got older though: Lucy was outgoing, confident, and stunning. All together just all the things you wished you were. That is, not to say you weren't pretty! In fact, you had received a few proposals in the past year (mostly from an anonymous admirer you knew was Davey, and a couple from Chet after he realized things with Lucy wouldn't work out). You and Lucy where still close, and to her, probably as uncomplicated at a friendship could get!

The complication was simply that to you it had become increasingly obvious that you were desperately in love with her.

You had noticed it first when you were about 14. Lucy was stunning, having never suffered the "awkward teenager" phase of adolescence, and was quickly discovering her hypnotic power over Chet. You weren't jealous of course! at least... not at first. But then it was more than Lucy's teasing flirtation: it was kissing, it was spending time with him more than usual. Suddenly you were jealous. Jealous in a way that couldn't be explained by the "Vault-Tech: Guild to female friendships" or "Vault-Tech: female adolescence in the Vault" or even by your mother's trusty copy of "surviving the teenage years: a manual sponsored by General atomics."

It got worse when you turned 17. Sex Education was vitally important in Vault education. it prevented the spread of disease, enabled knowledgeable future mothers and fathers, and fostered respect and dignity between men and women. It was in one of these detailed lessons that you caught yourself watching Lucy's expression: laughing at times, cringing at the birth diagrams, blushing at parts with a quick side eye to you.

The realization hit you like a ton of bricks as your eyes fluttered to her lips and lingered there for a moment too long. It hit you again at 18 during your "prom" when Lucy danced with you slowly as the light from the 2.5D Telesonic projector scattered across her cheekbones and lit up her doe-eyes. you remember almost pushing her away from the force of it. The force of the feeling, the emotion, the unholy urge to press your lips to hers that caught you like a punch.

That night you had curled in a ball and prayed. you did not know who "god" was, but you'd heard about him in class before. You prayed to him to make you a boy, to change your emotions, to make things make sense again. Your mother had stroked your hair, not truly understanding your grief but accepting it and holding it for you like only a mother can.

In your world of perfect underground utopia, the truest sorrow you had ever felt was the realization that you loved Lucy Maclean.

It took you a split second to stand up and follow Lucy out of the atrium. A second in which your mind reeled and hesitated sickeningly before you shut it up. Lucy was your friend, and she needed you now. Your footsteps echoed down the hall as you took the familiar path along the "street" toward Lucy's home. The door was only just sliding shut as you reached it and you rushed to duck under.

Lucy was where you expected her to be: knees to her chest, curled up on the sofa. Her hands were clenched in front of her, and her eyes were set at some point just beyond the "radiation king" television set that was blasting its usual nature documentary. She didn't look up as you entered, but the slight dip in her shoulders told you that she knew you were there.

"Lucy?" you called quietly, kneeling on the rug near her. she turned to you slowly and smiled politely as she was raised to.

"hey" she muttered, clearly trying to keep her tone cheerful.

you fixed her a look before sitting softly next to her on the sofa. She remained in her tight ball.

"pre-wedding nerves?" you asked, ignoring the lump that formed just next to your heart at the thought of Lucy's marriage. You watched her expression for confirmation, but it never came. Instead, she furrowed her brows and looked back at the nothing behind the TV.

"I'm sure everyone gets nervous before their wedding Lucy. Steph could tell you a million stories of her 'pre-wedding wobbles'" you chuckled, remembering Stephs wedding day not long ago.

"Its... it's not that." Lucy finally responded, tightening her grip around her legs.

"Then wha-"

"What if I don't want this... Like I thought I did" she blurted, the words mushing together as she fought to get them out of her mouth. You pursed your lips, desperate for her to continue. After a moment of silence, she started again, quieter and more measured.

"I feel so... Wrong. and I don't know-" she cut herself off, swallowed, and began again, "I don't want what Steph has anymore."

"What? the wedding? I'm sure your father would agree to a smaller celebration if you told him! I think he just likes to make a fuss of you."

Lucy shook her head. Finally, she let her legs fall away from her chest as she turned to face you with a dramatic sigh.

"I've always been so certain. and now... well I am certain but just not of the things I should be." She shut her eyes, needing to get away from your face for a moment. The lessons flashed in front of her eyes in quick succession: reclamation day, the purpose of the vaults, reproduction, male anatomy, romance, how to be a wife, the American dream. It flashed and flashed and then sank into her gut like an over-set Jello cake.

You watched her face shift from carefully masked to strangely tortured and back again before she opened her eyes once more. how you missed those eyes in that moment you couldn't see them.

She reached forward and held your hand, her finders dusting over yours curiously as if she was handling some strange new specimen. she'd held your hand before, countless times in the 20 years you'd known each other; and yet her fingers felt tentative in a way they hadn't before.

"Lucy... it's ok to be scared, it's ok to feel unsure. heck, you know I spend most of my time feeling unsure." you cast her a weak smile, "I know you, and I know you will be an amazing bride to whoever you marry. You'll be a perfect wife; you’ll be an amazing mother and one day I know you'll make an amazing overseer as well. And Lucy? even if it feels hard, you know I'll always be here." You had long ago settled into your role of best friend, nothing more. You would be there, and you would love her (in a way approved by social expectations).

Lucy stayed quiet for a long time, still slowly tracing over your fingers with her own. It had clocked for her the moment you had entered the room after her dramatic exit from the atrium. she wasn't unsure, she wasn't uncertain. I fact, she felt as though she had never been more certain in her whole life.

Maybe it had started when she was 12, when you had helped her take her first ever stimpack: holding the needle steady, wiping her eyes with your own hand and giving her a little Vault-Boy band-aid to cover the little hole.

Maybe it had started when she was 15 and getting a steady stream of attention from boys (mostly Chet) and could only watch your disdained reaction to her suitors. Even then she had a hunch that she cared more about your opinion on her "boyfriends" than the boys themselves.

Maybe it was when she was 18, pulling you through a maintenance tunnel by your hand with a high-pitched giggle and a determination to find a good meeting place for when you no longer had school to attend. She remembers your initial reluctance, followed by rebellious cheek that pushed you both further into the guts of the vault than you had planned on. She remembers the oil that had got on your face that she insisted on wiping away herself.

She tore her eyes away from your hands and stared at you with all the intensity and authority that the overseer’s daughter should possess.

"I’m not scared. and golly I feel about as far from unsure as a girl can be." her hands tightened around yours. "This vault... we are told what we do and what we feel. heck, they even tell us who we should marry! Maybe I'm being silly but that doesn't fit into the 'American dream' they are always yammering on about!" her voice rose had she got more passionate. you watched her with a mix of shock and awe (an emotion you often felt yourself feeling when you were around her)

"I've always nodded along to what they've told us! who am I to doubt the rules?" she continued, her eyes never leaving yours, "but this marriage... I don't want that!" she concluded with a huff, finally blinking and pursing her lips as if she'd suddenly gotten shy.

It was your turn to reach out to her now, freeing one of your hands from her grip and placing it softly on her shoulder. you put on a calm expression, but your heart betrayed you: beating rapidly as if trying to escape its spot behind your ribs.

"What is it you want if not the marriage?" you whispered, feeling the moments fragility.

a beat.

Lucy sighed, stealing herself. her eyes were no longer full of angry passion, but rather softer, watery. her expression seemed to mirror the way you knew you were looking at her.

"I think- no, I know... Gosh, I want you so badly" she breathed.

Another war could have started and ended, and you wouldn't have noticed. The air stilled despite the constant circulation of the vents and the clock on the wall must have stopped ticking. Silence, a long silence that must have only spanned a fraction of a second.

Her words, like the flash of light as a fission reaction begins, followed by a lull followed by...

You launched forward before Lucy could hesitate, before you could leave her hanging, before she could dare think that you didn't want her back. her lips touched yours and it reminded you of the desperate prayers you used to send to the man called "god" (you thanked him now that he never changed you). There were no fireworks like the books said, no large, forced explosion, no splitting of an atom. Instead, it felt... inevitable, like the slow decay of an element, like aging gracefully, like coming home.

Her lips slotted against yours perfectly, softly and she gasped as she kissed you back. you kissed not for the purpose of "perpetuating America" or building the next generation of vault dwellers, but simply because you wanted to.

She pulled back after a while, bleary eyes and pink-cheeked with a grin that made your heart grow.

"I did... know we could..." she let out before laughing, one hand covering her mouth while the other found its way to the side of your face where it lingered. You laughed too, sides splitting and eyes watering.

"Who the hell cares" you spluttered between laughs, leaning into Lucys hand.

"If it wasn't clear... I want you to. in a um... kissing way"

"Oh really? I wouldn't have guessed" she drawled playfully, "well then... I think we have a wedding to wreck."

"What will you tell them?"

She shrugged and scooched a little closer. "That's a future Lucy problem. Current Lucy is preoccupied..." She smiled at you in a manner that was really more of a smirk.

You had barely enough time to squeak out a rather excited "Okey Dokey" before it was her turn to shut you up with a kiss.

#lucy maclean x reader #lucy maclean #fallout #ella purnell #x fem!reader #fallout x reader

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