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thinkingisadangerouspastime · 3 years

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Hi, first off I ship Zutara and I come in peace. I was pointed your way by a friend when I asked for people who ship kataang who are nevertheless willing to hear different views. I have lurked on blog a week and finally got up my nerve to ask how you or any other Kataang can deny that the last part of book 3 was completely Zutara but then stopped abruptly with no buildup? You can finesse tone on text so I'm not being sarcastic or bitchy, it is a serious question (1/5)

In The Southern Raiders, Katara realizes she has been wrong about Zuko. In Ember Island Players, she realizes Aang is not as mature as she thought he was, and in the finale, Katara does not care a whit that Aang is gone. I am serious and as someone who is no Aang stan but likes him, I’m actually annoyed by how little anyone cared about his disappearance. It went from “Aang’s gone!” to “Okay whatever, let’s find Iroh so he can kill Ozai.” (2/5)

Katara was all over Zuko (honestly, again not being a jerk) in the finale until for whatever reason, she wasn’t. She was giving him a pep talk about Iroh, she was going with him to Azula, she was healing him and saying he saved her not the other way around. I genuinely don’t get why this isn’t seen as romantic. I will grant you that Zuko would not have allowed Azula to kill anyone but I feel the point here was Zuko realizing his life was pointless if Katara was killed. (4/5)

And then literally at the end, Mai shows up after Zuko not talking about her at all for six episodes and declares herself Zuko’s girlfriend. And Katara kisses Aang after being annoyed with and by him arguably since The Southern Raiders. I get that Kataang “won” and I’ve made peace with that, but ... I can’t understand why Kataang shippers are okay with such a crap story. I swear on my gmom [sic] if they’d done this for [Zvtara], I’d be mad as hell. So I don’t understand, I really don’t. (5/5)

As always, I shall begin with a disclaimer: anon, you do not have to agree with this post. No one has to agree with this post, as it is strictly my own thoughts on the subject matter raised here! As per usual, I will not be putting this in the main tags - much less the Zvtara tag! - because I have basic fandom decency, lmao. If you (the general you, not anon specifically) do disagree with this post, that is totally fine, I simply ask that you are polite in expressing your disagreement (if you choose to do so at all! no one is expected to, lmao. i promise).

Alright. Formalities are out of the way!

I’ll admit I giggled a little bit when you say you lurked on my blog for a week, because I’ve actually talked about this subject numerous times in the past! I just found it funny you hadn’t stumbled across any posts about it yet, lol. So, as a heads up, know that I will be providing several links in this post since - again - this subject and related subjects have been analyzed a multitude of times before. I highly recommend reading them all! Mostly because I don’t intend to spend forever restating what’s been said over and over and over lmaooo. I will provide the resources, but it is up to each individual to take advantage of them.

To begin: your ask actually contains a few logical fallacies, anon! I do not mean this as shade or to belittle you - I fall victim to this issue all the time myself. Anyone who writes analyses or participates in debates does! Humans are imperfect and often like to cut corners to reach a conclusion. It is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about because - as the existence of your ask in inbox indicates - you are willing to learn more. So kudos to you, my friend!

Alright. So what logical fallacies am I talking about here? (For the record: specific definitions of logical fallacies were taken from here.)

1. Hasty Generalization.

“A hasty generalization is a general statement without sufficient evidence to support it.” Numerous claims are made in this ask that I have absolutely no doubt you believe to be true, anon, but there really isn’t any concrete evidence to support it! I will go into more detail later, of course, but let’s quickly look at one example:

“In Ember Island Players, [Katara] realizes Aang is not as mature as she thought he was…”

For the time being, I will ask but one question: from the show itself, not fanon, how do you know this?

2. Causal Fallacy

Ah, this guy. My own worst enemy, tbh! “A causal fallacy is any logical breakdown when identifying a cause,” of which there are several types. “One causal fallacy is the false cause or non causa pro causa (‘not the-cause for a cause’) fallacy, which is when you conclude about a cause without enough evidence to do so.” In your ask, you claim:

“I will grant you that Zuko would not have allowed Azula to kill anyone but I feel the point here was Zuko realizing his life was pointless if Katara was killed.”

Again, for the time being, I will ask only one question: from the show itself, not fanon, what led you to believe this statement?

“Another kind of causal fallacy is the correlational fallacy also known as cum hoc ergo propter hoc (Lat., ‘with this therefore because of this’). This fallacy happens when you mistakenly interpret two things found together as being causally related.” In your ask, you claim:

“Katara was all over Zuko (honestly, again not being a jerk) in the finale until for whatever reason, she wasn’t. She was giving him a pep talk about Iroh, she was going with him to Azula, she was healing him and saying he saved her not the other way around. I genuinely don’t get why this isn’t seen as romantic.”

I will ask one question: from the show itself, not fanon, why would you believe these are indicative of romance? (Consider the context the show is situated in, too - e.g. the war, Katara being Azula’s only available match in skill, etc.)

The reason I bring up the issue of logical fallacies is again not at all to make you feel bad, anon!! You were simply trying to express your point to me and I greatly appreciate you taking the time to do so. See, your ask actually presents a larger fandom trend:

Misconstruing fanon as canon.

What you have offered to me, anon, are fanon conclusions. To clarify: there is absolutely nothing wrong with fanon. I adore fanon interpretations (an example I have used in the past is Kuzaang - like, I don’t care that there’s no canon basis! I do what I want lmao!), but a line has to be drawn between exploring fanon interpretations and expecting everyone to take that fanon as canon. Again, anon, this is not your fault! It is not any one person’s fault, lmao. It is an issue of fandom as a whole, and all of us fall victim to it.

With that in mind, I will break down the different components of your ask. I will also do my best to be brief - as aforementioned, I and others have analyzed this issue numerous times before, lmao. To avoid confusion, it would be best to read through each or at least most links as they are provided!

Firstly, there are two posts I have made in the past that almost directly answer your overarching question here in this ask. Please read them prior to continuing, as I will occasionally reference them:

This post explains how Zvtara was not built up from TSR/EIP-onwards, and how their supposed “canon enemies to lovers arc” is a completely fanon construction.

This post explains the issue of the “canon Zvtara” rhetoric from rabid zkers (and you, anon, are absolutely NOT one, in case you were worried).

Alrighty. With that out the way, let’s get into it!

“In The Southern Raiders, Katara realizes she has been wrong about Zuko.”

Gotta start by saying that TSR is not about Zuko. TSR is, first and foremost, about Katara. Katara does not realize she was wrong about Zuko, because here’s the truth - she wasn’t wrong about him. Zuko did horrible things to the Gaang. Katara was not wrong to hold him accountable for that. What Katara does realize is that holding such rage so close to her chest is bad for her. This rage was not solely anger against Zuko, either; it was of course about Yon Rha, too, but it was also anger towards Kya and Katara herself. Essentially, TSR is where Katara realizes she has to forgive herself. Zuko is only one part of her journey (similar to Aang’s role in the episode, if a different end of the spectrum).

This post explains how TSR was fundamentally about Katara.

Additional resources about TSR:

This post explains Aang’s comments to Katara in TSR and how Katara herself recognized their validity.

This post explains why both Aang and Zuko were important to Katara in TSR.

This post is an extensive breakdown of Aang and Katara’s relationship within TSR.

“In Ember Island Players, [Katara] realizes Aang is not as mature as she thought he was…”

You provide no context for this claim, so I’m going to work with the assumption this is about their reactions to the play itself and the infamous kiss!

There is something important we must keep in mind when discussing EIP: the play they watch is literally imperialist propaganda. It is meant to demean the entire Gaang, and indeed it does exactly that. You mention Katara and Aang specifically, so I will recap what I have explained before about their depictions in EIP: Katara, an indigenous woman, is hypersexualized and portrayed as overly emotional (and thus “irrational”). This reinforces the Fire Nation sentiment that women of the Water Tribes are less intelligent and less suited for “responsibility” than Fire Nation women. Aang, a pacifist and the sole survivor of genocide who is also canonly the male character most comfortable with femininity and spirituality, is portrayed as a flighty, airheaded woman (this is a well-known imperialist tactic meant to emasculate the target, seeing as masculinity was often equated with power in fascist regimes; thus, they effectively belittled Aang before the FN audience). This reinforces the Fire Nation sentiment that the Air Nomads were foolish, weak people who deserved to die.

In other words, of course Aang and Katara were upset about how they portrayed in the play. It is understandable that tensions would be running high and consequently that mistakes (we all know the one) would be made.

This post explains how EIP belittles each member of the Gaang (and why the play is not indicative of Zvtara).

This post talks specifically about EIP and their portrayal of Aang and Katara.

Now onto the kiss. As everyone knows and no one has ever disagreed with, Aang was wrong to kiss Katara. Point blank!

But what people do misunderstand is Katara and Aang’s feelings regarding the kiss. Given your above quote, I assume you believe Aang kissing Katara supposedly made her realize that Aang wasn’t as mature as she once thought. On the surface, this seems like a logical conclusion! But digging deeper reveals… well, there’s nothing that indicates this conclusion at all. Even jumping ahead to the finale, when Zuko has doubts over Aang’s return, Katara demonstrates her faith in Aang (although of course she’s nervous - I won’t deny the obvious, lmao) as she says, “Aang won’t lose. He’s gonna come back. He has to.”

In other words, nothing in canon suggests that Katara believes Aang is immature because of what happened in EIP. She still trusts in his return, as she did even before she knew him (and arguably is more confident in him now, given the 60~ episodes of them growing closer). Furthermore, when Aang does disappear, Katara doesn’t have an outburst about how “immature” it was for him to “run away again.” The viewers know Aang didn’t run away, of course (fans who insist he did are not worth arguing with, anon - they don’t understand the show, rip), but that is a luxury the rest of the Gaang is not afforded. And yet even though Aang has vanished off the face of the planet, Katara still believes he will save the world. If anything, that signifies the utmost confidence in his skill and maturity!

To go back to the kiss itself, this post explains the true source of Katara’s conflict in turning down Aang (hint: she says it herself in the episode! you know, the whole war going on) and why the EIP kiss did not sink Kataang’s relationship.

Additional sources about EIP:

This post explains how the EIP kiss was resolved through narrative parallels.

This post explains how the EIP kiss is so often blown out of proportion.

“… and in the finale, Katara does not care a whit that Aang is gone. I am serious and as someone who is no Aang stan but likes him, I’m actually annoyed by how little anyone cared about his disappearance. It went from ‘Aang’s gone!’ to ‘Okay whatever, let’s find Iroh so he can kill Ozai.’”

As I already touched upon, Katara didn’t need a soliloquy to emphasize her connection to Aang once he disappeared. She trusts that he will return. She says so herself. I guess I just don’t understand how you got from Point A, Katara has consistent faith in Aang, to Point B, Katara and the rest of the Gaang didn’t care about Aang’s disappearance. It’s honestly a bit more like Point A to Point Z, lmao! If you would like to expand on your logic here, I would love to hear more!!

There are a few specific aspects I want to note about your rationale, though. You argue the Gaang moves from ‘Aang disappeared’ to ‘let’s find Iroh,’ but the Gaang actually went from:

1. Aang disappeared!

2. They search the entire island for him.

3. Okay, they couldn’t find him, so they track down June and have her try to find Aang.

4. June says to them, “No, I mean he’s gone gone. He doesn’t exist.” (And she clarifies to Sokka that she doesn’t mean dead, either - she means Aang has totally blinked out of their world.)

5. Only after all of this do they decide to track down Iroh.

The Gaang cares immensely about the fact that Aang is gone, and you could actually argue they waste time by trying to track him down. They don’t give up until June essentially tells them that some Spirit World shenanigans were involved. Even if you don’t think they reached that specific conclusion, I have to ask: What else were they supposed to do? They were told Aang didn’t exist! How are they supposed to fix that?

Well, they can’t. So they do the next best thing: they find Iroh, the man who knows Ozai better than anyone and is also one of the most talented firebenders in the world. In my opinion, that’s a very logical step to take.

I’ll be blunt here, lol: in my opinion, nothing of what you listed in your ask is inherently romantic.

Okay. I am going to assume you’ve read the first two posts I linked earlier (“Zvtara did not have an E-L arc” and “the ‘canon’ Zvtara of rabid zkers has issues”), because I do not intend to rehash everything they contain, lol. Consequently, I presume you realize by now that there was no canon romantic interest between Zuko and Katara.

And as I always say, just because there wasn’t a canon romance doesn’t mean people can’t take fanon routes! Of course they can! That’s the entire point of fanon! But fanon is not canon, and I am strictly referring to canon in my discussions.

You claim Katara was all over Zuko, which in itself I don’t think is an accurate assessment, because she doesn’t really do anything with Zuko outside the three points you bring up (other than the June gag, which I addressed in one of the aforementioned linked posts). So I’ll go ahead and break down each instance you provide!

1. “[Katara] was giving [Zuko] a pep talk about Iroh”

Katara asked Zuko if he was okay. She asked him if he was genuinely sorry. She reassures him that Iroh will forgive him. That’s… all. Not to diminish the significance of this conversation, but it’s not exactly an intimate, romantically-charged discussion (unless fanon-ized). But on that note, let’s tackle the canon significance of this moment!

Katara knows firsthand the challenge of forgiving Zuko. And she knows that Zuko understands how hard it was for her to forgive him (note: Katara’s anger was totally justified, and anyone who disagrees is probably a rabid Zuko stan lmao). She also recognizes that Zuko is terrified it will take Iroh the same struggle to forgive him that Katara went through. This scene is not related to romance at all. It’s about compassion. It’s about Katara and Zuko’s friendship having progressed, slowly but surely, to the point where she’s not afraid to extend empathy to him anymore (seeing as the first time, beneath Ba Sing Se, did not go so well; you know - Aang died and all). It’s about Zuko recognizing his own fallibility (and the audience recognizing how much he’s grown). He questions how he can even face his uncle after all he’s done to the man, which is a far cry from his entitled attitude in TSR, where he demanded to know why Katara didn’t trust him when everyone else had forgiven him.

To make this moment, this moment about Zuko’s relationship with his uncle who is all but a literal father to him, this moment of vulnerability, of guilt, of remorse, of growth, to claim this powerful moment is about a nonexistent romantic relationship? In my opinion, that is incredibly reductive to what this scene is supposed to signify. And again, there is nothing wrong with people exploring such a possibility in fanon, but in canon? Nah. It doesn’t track.

2. “[Katara] was going with [Zuko] to Azula”

Don’t forget that at first, Zuko planned to take on Azula alone. He doesn’t request Katara to accompany him until Iroh tells him that he’ll need help. As such, Zuko’s immediate agreement with Iroh is reflective of his personal growth (Book 1 and 2 Zuko would have argued and insisted he didn’t need any help). It also demonstrates, however, that Katara was not obsessively on Zuko’s mind. He doesn’t choose Katara until Iroh points out that Zuko will need assistance in taking Azula down. This means that Zuko’s choice of Katara to join him is a tactical decision, not an emotional one. And by all accounts, it’s a damn good decision! Zuko witnessed firsthand beneath Ba Sing Se a) how powerful Katara was (e.g. that wave after Aang died) and b) how Katara was the only one who could take on Azula*.

Of course, besides the fact that Katara was the only match for Azula, who else was Zuko going to choose? Sokka and Suki, while talented in their own right, were no competition for Azula. Toph, while the greatest earthbender in the world, was needed to metalbend the airships. Katara was the only (and the best!) option.

Also, on their trip to face Azula, the only thing they talk about within their three lines of canon conversation are Azula and Aang. Not exactly a romantic flight, lmao.

*Zuko never saw Aang fight Azula on the drill.

3. “[Katara] was healing [Zuko] and saying he saved her not the other way around”

Actually, this is what the transcript says:

Zuko: Thank you, Katara.

Katara: I think I’m the one who should be thanking you.

You’re right about how their lines refer to them saving each other, but you posit it as a romantic moment, when the lines are actually pretty straightforward. Zuko thanks Katara as she heals him from the partially-redirected lightning strike, and Katara thanks him for trying to redirect the lightning away from her and in doing so saving her life. In terms of canon, there’s nothing romantic about this, lol! (Which I talked about extensively in the E-L post, if you need to reference it again.) The reason being is that you have to take the show itself into context when you do analysis. If there was no canon romantic buildup between Zuko and Katara, why would these lines in canon (not fanon! fanon is free rein, lmao) be interpreted through a romantic lens?

Well, they wouldn’t be interpreted as such. Plain and simple.

“I genuinely don’t get why this isn’t seen as romantic.”

Because looking through a canon lens, they aren’t romantic. That’s all. You are of course welcome to view them as such through a fanon lens!! It’s just about recognizing the line between canon and fanon.

“I will grant you that Zuko would not have allowed Azula to kill anyone but I feel the point here was Zuko realizing his life was pointless if Katara was killed.”

I asked earlier what content in the show itself led you to believe. I have wracked my own mind, and I cannot think of anything that would point to this conclusion. Zuko was in Katara’s good graces for 5 episodes. That’s 8% of the show. Not exactly a lot of time for Zuko to start believing his life would be pointless if Katara was killed, is it?

This post explains the improbability of Zuko having a crush on Katara within canon.

This post explains how Zuko’s racism towards the Air Nomads in TSR and the finale is, well, exactly that - racism (and not a sign of a crush on Katara).

And, of course, as has been said a million times, Zuko taking the lightning for Katara out of romantic interest would completely undermine his redemption arc. Since it has been said over and over and over, I will be brief: Zuko taking the lightning is significant because it is a selfless act (one of his only in the series), and it directly parallels his selfish act of choosing not to intervene when Azula killed Aang with lightning beneath Ba Sing Se. This moment demonstrates Zuko’s growth, how he has learned to accept unconditional love from Iroh and the Gaang and Mai and even Ty Lee and sure, even from Appa and Momo, too. To make this moment of pure selflessness about a nonexistent romance? To force a fanon romance in replacement of canon redemption and canon platonic significance?

Such a decision speaks wonders about a person’s priorities, in my opinion, as well as how amatonormativity impacts them.

Furthermore, Zuko’s choice cements Katara’s position as his surrogate sibling, as she is Azula’s primary foil. Zuko chooses the sister who heals over the sister who harms. I won’t go too much into it here, because it has already been talked about extensively before! Thus, I offer you this post that explains how Zuko and Katara - in canon - are positioned as surrogate siblings as well as Azula’s role in this matter. I also offer this post that lays out through screencaps how Zuko and Katara - in canon - treat each other like family.

Additional sources about the final Agni Kai:

This post in part discusses fanon misinterpretation of the final Agni Kai and why such a lens is not true to canon relationships.

This post explains why the final Agni Kai is not intended to be romantic.

This post explains how the final Agni Kai is primarily about Azula and how reducing it to be a big Zvtara moment is detrimental to both her and to Zuko and Katara themselves.

“And then literally at the end, Mai shows up after Zuko not talking about her at all for six episodes and declares herself Zuko’s girlfriend.”

This point could probably get a post of its own, lol, but fortunately I and others have already written a few! I will link them below - first, however, I question your choice of “declares.” Technically, yes, Mai does say outright that it doesn’t hurt how the new Fire Lord is her boyfriend, but your phrasing implies Zuko resisted her proclamation. When… he doesn’t. In fact, he embraces it, asking if that means she doesn’t hate him anymore (read: he asks if they’re back on good terms again). Zuko clearly doesn’t have a problem with the girl he loves wanting to be with him again - so why do some parts of fandom so adamantly insist he does? (Not you, anon - I am referring to the rabid fanoners, lol.)

Also, regarding how Zuko hasn’t talked about Mai for six episodes, we’ve gotta be realistic with this assessment in terms of canon:

1. It was the crux of the war. They were either going to live or die. There was no time for romance at this point! Sokka and Suki weren’t professing their love on the battlefield, lmao, so it’s not exactly strange that Zuko didn’t bust into a monologue about how he missed Mai. I think they were just a little bit distracted by the possible end of the world, lol, and all that jazz.

2. Zuko probably thought Mai was dead. He knows what Azula is like. He knows his sister doesn’t have time for people who get in her way (Aang can testify to this, lmao). So can you blame him for not wanting to think about how the girl he loved had died (to his knowledge) to save him?

You gotta cut the kid some slack, lol. Anyways! Additional sources about Maiko:

This post breaks down the notion of Maiko and “deserve.”

This post rationalizes through a canon lens why Mai’s arrival at the palace surprised Zuko.

This post is the mother of Maiko metas, explaining in tremendous detail why their relationships works, is relevant to canon, and was well-implemented for what its role was.

“And Katara kisses Aang after being annoyed with and by him arguably since The Southern Raiders.”

What in canon has led you to the conclusion that Katara was annoyed with Aang? What specific moments from TSR to the finale made you think Katara was annoyed with Aang and remained annoyed with Aang? Are there any, or are you thinking about fanon interpretation? (Canon vs fanon strikes again!)

In TSR, Katara explicitly thanks Aang for understanding her perspective. Nothing there is indicative of annoyance (and as in the links provided earlier, she was not angry at Aang/Zuko/etc. so much as she was at herself. well, she was a little bit angry with Zuko, lmao). In EIP, Katara is understandably angry at Aang’s decision to kiss her, but Aang completely backs off, and we see in the part 1 of the finale that there are no hard feelings or weird tension between them. Katara in fact actively expresses concern for Aang after Zuko sporadically attacked him when she demands of the firebender, “What’s wrong with you? You could have hurt Aang!” Even when Aang and Katara do butt heads later in the episode as Aang tries to think of a way to defeat Ozai without killing him, Katara doesn’t stay frustrated. Like I said - when she and Zuko are flying to Azula, she demonstrates her unwavering faith in Aang through her belief that he will return. So… where is the annoyance that you feel was present?

With all this mind, i.e. looking strictly at canon, Katara wasn’t annoyed with Aang during this time. Thus, Katara kisses Aang because she loved him. Because he backed off and gave her the space she needed to make a decision about if she wanted to be with him (hence Katara being the one to initiate the kiss). Because the issue was never about if she reciprocated his feelings (they both knew they loved each other) but rather it had to do with the war. At the end of the finale, the war is over, and there is nothing that prevents them from being together. Simple.

This post explains how Katara’s feelings for Aang develop throughout the series (and were not neglected, as rabid zkers like to claim, for some reason? again - you are not one of them, anon).

This post also covers Katara’s interest in Aang throughout the series.

“I can’t understand why Kataang shippers are okay with such a crap story.”

I mean, you definitely don’t have to ship Kataang. It may not be your cup of tea, and that’s totally okay! But as the above links demonstrate, Kataang was a fantastic story. It was well-implemented into the narrative from Day 1. The soulmateism is unparalleled!

Also, it’s worth noting that A:TLA itself was essentially pre-written. The writers knew how the story would end from the get-go, including that the show would end with Kataang. A few Zvtara gags were thrown in to add a sense of “who will Katara choose?” drama as the show aired, but Zuko and Katara were never planned to end up together. One reason so many newer fans are fine with Kataang from the start is that there’s no tension of waiting a week for a new episode when you can watch all 61 episodes straight through on Netflix, lmao. It’s even more obvious now than when A:TLA was airing that Aang and Katara will end up together, if that makes sense. (Although I talked about this in the E-L post linked earlier, so you probably understand this point already, as it was explained in detail there!)

All of this is to say that Kataang is not a “crap story” in terms of writing (again, personal taste is a different matter) because it was woven in from the beginning and had powerful narrative significance! (Kataang represented numerous complementary components of the series, such as yin and yang, push and pull, air and water, Oma and Shu, etc.)

Now. If you really and truly want to understand why Kataang shippers like Kataang, anon, consider reading some Kataang fanfics or exploring some Kataang headcanons. I read fics involving Zvtara more regularly than you might think, lol, because… well, it’s just a ship. I understand the appeal of romantic Zvtara and I can actually appreciate it when it’s well-written! I’m sure if you’re willing to put in just a little legwork (you don’t need to go the whole mile, lmao - ‘tis just fandom), you’ll realize why people like Kataang, even if it isn’t exactly your thing. You have the range, anon!! You got this!

I hope I managed to answer your questions, my friend! As always, you do not have to agree with anything I have said here. It is totally fine if you and anyone else disagrees! Everything above is simply my own perspective on the matter. Thank you for taking the time to read my response and all the different links I provided! I hope it has expanded your understanding of the subject at hand!

#i spent all day writing this lmaooo #TWO WHOLE HOURS SPENT COMPILING LINKS #amy answers #anon #amy analyzes

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ineed-a0cal-icedcoffee · 2 years

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Kill me now. Fck my life.

Disclaimer: I’m meaning no offense to anybody who shops here. Just somebody with an ED and already struggles with my weight and the idea of having to shop at a store that caters to plus size women: (which is amazing that we have such stores now) gives me so much more anxiety and in my mind it’s like accepting that I won’t lose the weight, and I want to keep my goals and work towards a smaller healthier version of myself one day. Where this kind of comment won’t bother me so much.

I went to get coffee or something the other day honestly I don’t remember what I was doing but the comment just kind of took me back and ruined my day.

I don’t know why it did, because I would never ever shame someone for shopping at these stores.

But there was an employee being really standoffish where I was.. I think it was target as I was getting a starbs from one there.

And she just looks at me and says..

“Nice top, where’d you get it? Lane Bryant?” And then smirks and looks back down at her phone.

And I don’t know why it upset me so much, maybe because I’ve always been stubborn and never shopped there, but I was so upset over it I cried when I got home and have not stopped thinking about it since.

Maybe because you could tell she intentionally put venom behind her words but I felt awful and ashamed and I’m pretty sure I threw that brand new top away or at least in storage.

I would never backhand compliment someone on their weight, what they’re wearing, or anything physical. That’s an expression of who we are/ want to be/ or how we want to portray our personalities.

And anybody who has to deal with these comments on a regular basis, I am genuinely so sorry for how mean and cruel people are today. You are worth living for. Your body is worth living for. Working for. You are not worthless and you are wanted and needed in this world. 💘

If anybody ever needs a friend of someone to talk to I’m always here. I’m 23 so I do have middle school and high school life experience for my younger audience. And for my fellow 20 y/o girlies, I wish you all the very best and hope that if you’re having a bad day, it gets better. 🌼

#bonespo #handspo #anamia #lose weight #mia #ana #anarexja #collar bones #legspo #anareksea #rexie #thxnspo #skinny #thin #thinspo #tw #anarexie #weight loss #over weight

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trisshawkeye · 4 years

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I'm a little hesitant to weigh in on the discourse going around, since I can't speak to the Chinese LGBTQ+ experience, but what I can speak to is one of the reasons why a queer person might find the nature of the sex scenes in MDZS, and in particular the extras, interesting and relatable to their experience as a queer person.

First off I want to stress that YOU DO NOT NEED TO READ THE MDZS EXTRAS. In fact, if you think they might be triggering or upsetting to you, or just not your cup of tea, then just don't read them. You don't need to read them to enjoy everything else MDZS has to offer. Indeed, if any of the following would wig you out—slightly dub-con kissing, misunderstandings around a sexual encounter due to each party thinking the other didn't want it in the same way they did, an inexperienced couple figuring out what they like and finding out that includes mild consent-play—then maybe you might want to skip the scenes in the main novel too. It's okay to have preferences and for those preferences to not include that. If you don't want to read those sections, then I'm not gonna judge you, don't read them. There is plenty else to enjoy. Look after yourself first!

Okay, with that out the way, I'd like to talk to you a little bit about shame and sexual fantasy.

While not written to this particular audience at all, Lan Wangji is a painfully relatable character for a certain type of gifted queer kid growing up in conservative Evangelical Christian spaces. The combination of having a strict, rule-based moral code one is expected to follow, and being held up as a well-behaved, good example to others from a young age, both in terms of pseudo-academic achievement and in terms of following of said moral code, and then finding yourself and your worldview becoming increasingly incompatible with the code you are trying to live by, is one that really fucks you up. Lan Wangji is a character laser-targeted at my own set up of hang-ups and neuroses, oh boy. I love him so much and want him to be happy.

And to be fair, that's not to say the Gusu Lan sect rules are bad per se, and characters such as Lan Xichen show that it is possible to have a different relationship with them such that they inform your behaviour but still allow for flexibility and compromise. But Lan Wangji definitely strikes me as someone who took rule-following deep into his own sense of identity, and that gets very messy for him when he starts questioning how to handle moral quandaries that the rules can't easily address by themselves, or finds himself trying to follow them in a way that conflicts with how the rest of his sect are doing so.

So when this kind of strict moral purity forms a big part of your identity, and then you suddenly get attracted to someone 'inappropriate' (or indeed, anyone at all as a horny teenager who’s supposed to behave themselves), your new and growing sense of desire runs smack bang into your existential need to be someone who is Good(TM), who follows the rules, who wouldn't in their right mind to anything that contradicts them. You can't just dream soft dreams about sneaking away to kiss your crush and you both enjoying it, because even that is shameful, it's wrong, it flies in the face of everything you're supposed to be and you'd never do that. And so one way for your mind to get around this is for your fantasies to take a darker turn, to imagine that you were pushed beyond all reasonable human limits, that you lost all control, that you were drugged or manipulated, that the other person took advantage of you or somehow provoked you into assaulting them, and that way you can sort of excuse yourself, you can imagine yourself in that situation because at least then it wasn't really your fault, you can kind of keep your internal sense of identity consistent. But now you've imagined you're in that situation and you have that 'excuse', you have a kind of free rein to act out the things you want to do and it doesn't really 'count'. And all the while you're entirely aware that this is a fucked up fantasy, that it would be unforgivable if you did such a thing or such a thing was done to you in real life, and now you're worried that even imagining such a thing is a failure of your moral character, and it builds into a destructive cycle of shame and self-loathing, and it's just a real mess all round.

Now, I think this is something that Lan Wangji worked through and came out the other side of, and he was no longer ashamed of his desire for Wei Wuxian by the time he came back in the body of Mo Xuanyu (and probably even by the time of the first siege of the Burial Mounds, though it was far too late at that point). But for a sixteen-year-old Lan Wangji to have these violent fantasies about being provoked into raping Wei Wuxian because that was the only way he could imagine himself in a situation in which he could express that desire? And then later in life finding out that consent-play holds some appeal? Yeah, I can see that, I can relate to it.

And so in the incense burner chapter? When it becomes clear they're visiting one of Lan Wangji's teenage fantasies, especially right after the adorably domestic scene that is Wei Wuxian's dream, he is absolutely embarrassed by it, he's mortified—it's obvious he still considers it to be shameful and would honestly rather Wei Wuxian didn't see this side of himself so clearly, although he loves and trusts Wei Wuxian enough not to hide it from him when he says wants to stay. And then, when Wei Wuxian sees where it's going, and finds it hilarious and honestly kinda hot, knowing that it is just a fantasy, and one that meshes well with his own consensual-non-consent kinks to boot, you know what? It's a relief! It's an honest-to-goodness relief and entirely delightful to me that he turns around and basically says, hey, it's okay, this doesn't make you a bad person, you don't have to be ashamed of this, I love you, I'm enjoying this too, I want to see where this goes, let's have sex!

Because none of this does make Lan Wangji a bad person—none of these fantasies were acted upon except for one intensely-regretted kiss (and then only really regretted on his own part), and then later in the context of entirely consensual, mutually enjoyable sex as adults between him and Wei Wuxian. And being able to revisit those fantasies and take away the shame he's associated with them all this time is probably pretty healing for him!

Like I said at the start, you don't have to read these chapters. They were not written for you personally, and you are not the target audience for them. If you're going to be at all distressed by the content then I actively encourage you not to read them, it would be a form of emotional self-harm to do so. It's not like you're missing out on anything important (or even very well-written, if I'm being honest, particularly once it's gone through the mangle of a translation that I don't personally think handles the nuances of the smut scenes very well, from what I can gather from various pieces of discussion about it). It's totally fine if you find these kinks unpleasant and don't want to touch them with a barge pole! But that doesn't make having or writing or enjoying these kinks or fantasies somehow morally wrong—it's not shameful, it's not homophobic, and please, please stop accusing the author or fans of being so just because you don't personally like it. Because you’re just reinforcing the shame-based, purity-based thinking that screws so many of us up in the first place.

(Aside: I’m not saying this is necessarily the correct way to interpret Lan Wangji’s character and motivations with respect to these scenes, since I too am a Westerner coming at all this material through the veil of translation and with very little understanding of its surrounding literary context—I’m more describing how, from my own experience as a young repressed religious queer, I found myself vibing a lot with this character and his relationship with sexual desire.)

#lan wangji #mo dao zu shi #mdzs #mdzs discourse #cw rape mention #in the context of discussing rape fantasies #and why one might have them #and in the context of a chapter in which a rape fantasy is observed but no one is actually raped #ugh i already feel like i'm oversharing please don't make me regret posting this #this is just like the don't consume horror if you don't like it discourse goin on over in the tma fandom all over again #mdzs meta

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balticprincess · 3 years

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Crash landing on you - perfect for K-drama-beginners. Just watch out - it‘s addictive

I may not be the target audience, but this has really got me. After watching it for the 3rd time back to back (with 16 episodes that are about 70 -90 minutes it’s ok, I guess, when finishing it, I want to see the start again) I now need to put some thoughts down.

Why do I (and apparently millions of others) love it so much?

It‘s funny, tragic, super romantic and suspenseful. The actors are great, not only the main couple Ri Jeong Hyeok ans Yoon Se-Ri as star crossed lovers, but also the second couple, which is even more star-crossed and one half of it is for a lot of episodes hopelessly tied and in love with the elusive RJH. Also the supporting actors are great, especially the band of brothers from Company 5, who do everything to help their leader and YSR. The villain is great and so vile, you hate him - until you see him in the Behind the Scenes-vids, where he is most charming.

It‘s a bit like fanfiction in a series: found family, vile brothers, destiny, star-crossed lovers, fake fiancee, reversed makeover, sleeping in one bed, all the tropes are there, but never blatant, but lovely and well executed. A lot of people who watched it say it’s also enemies to lovers, but I seriously doubt that, seeing Captain Ri‘s face at the end of the first episode. It’s more like love at first sight, smitten and whipped.

While he is a kind of super-hero („Do you think you‘re in the Avengers“) he also has flaws, is sometimes jealous, easily flustered by Se-Ri and exasperated by the whole set up. Still, he does everything for her to make her feel better and to help her escape to the south. He is an ace at fighting, can cook, is a very quick thinker, a good shot, plays the piano and is endearingly truthful (most of the time). Not to say extremely easy on the eye. She, and that is very important in my pov, is no damsel in distress. She is, actually, but she does not act like it. Being a very successful ceo, she takes the North and its people in her stride and instead of whining, heats water and helps poor kids. She cries sometimes when she is overwhelmed, which is a totally normal reaction in my opinion, making her relatable. She is beautiful and successful, he is super handsome and from an upperclass family, but both are supremely unhappy before she literally falls down on him. How they are helping each other is one of the main attractions for me. F.ex. After Se-Ris first really bad meeting with the villain and him coming to the rescue, he asks her if she is allright and not hurt. You can really see how much that surprises her, which is in turn heart-wrenching. He doesn‘t talk much, but one of his catchphrases is: „I am alright“ - which is mostly untrue, whether he stands on a mine, was shot or beaten or impending doom is coming at him. She calls him out for that, which is lovely. Both actors are nearing 40, although they look impossibly younger, but for me, being ever so slightly over 40 it was great that this was not a series with CEOs that look as if they are still in High school.

The Chemistry between the leads is so amazing that one comment said that it could light up North Korea for real. I‘d say it’s not chemistry anymore, it’s Physics, waiting for the inevitable chain reaction/explosion. Captain Ri aka Hyun Bin and Yoon Se-Ri aka Son Ye Jin started dating IRL after the show (or long before, who knows) and are still going strong. That’s really romantic, especially if you watch the BTS. 🔥🔥💥

If you are not interested in history: skip this! Another point in this far too long post is that I asked myself why I could relate to these main characters who are so different from me, being a tall, sturdy blond highschool-headmistress. My husband is a pianist, but that is not it. But I lived long enough to still remember the iron curtain slashing through my country. Not to liken the then existing GDR with NK, but while we West-Germans were allowed to visit in the East, different from the Koreas, the East-Germans were not allowed to come to West-Germany. I had friends in the GDR near Dresden. My parents met them in Hungary and I was pen-friends their daughter. It was super difficult to go to Dresden, but we could meet in Berlin where it was easier to cross the border. In 1986 we met for the first time in person. I was ateeneager on a classtrip. My teacher brought me to the border in Friedrichstraße Railway station, called „Palace of tears“ by the locals. I crossed the border on foot and was in a different county and world in the same city. The cars, how the people dressed, the shops - it was strange, old fashioned and for my 20 years backwards. But the people where lovely. We met like a blind date, they were carrying a white rose. The banners seen in CLOY promoting communism and heralding the states own greatness were everywhere. When they brought me back to the eastern entrance of the railway station I had to cross, I knew why this was called Palace of tears. We cried, everyone there who had to let go family or friends to the west cried. It was heartwrenching. Unification 3 years later was a wonder I had never expected. Never. So, although our situation was not as bad as Se-Ris who knows she cannot visit NK, it is still very relatable. It wasn‘t the 38th parallel but still a nearly impenetrable wall. One of my highschool friends was in love with *drumroll for cloy-watchers* a cellist from the GDR. He was devastated to leave her at the border when we left east-berlin. Our poor teacher - I off to meet unknown people (with a permission slip from my parents but still, no phones etc) and Frank off to meet his gf at the suburbs of east Berlin. But we both came back unscathed. They got married after unification btw.

My favourite scene: Very difficult to choose, the whole set up in Pjöngyang possibly, their argument about destiny, his jealousy and him telling her to stay in his sight and 2 seconds later him being so ashamed to have said that. Also: the scene with Daddy Ri.

Strange things that happened after watching: I really want a Range Rover, preferably red. I own a cloy t-shirt and watched all behind the scenes-vids multiple time.

Why I am so late watching it: the subtitles. Apart from Shtisel, which I love, I watch English dubbed (I am German) all the time. We are used to dubbing here. What can I say: it took me 10 minutes to forget that.

For my fellow Miss Fishers murder mysteries/Phrack-lovers: I know nothing can compare the Phryne and Jack. But: The extremely dashing Captain Ri has a lot of Jack Robinson vibes going on. Dealing with trauma, being honest and respectful, accepting and encouraging the woman he loves, being so handsome and dependable. He also does not talk much but has very speaking eyes. And while Se-Ri accepts more help than Phryne does she is also a badass woman in her own right who dresses sharply and is self-sufficient and smart. CLOY is very romantic though, you can‘t really say it is a slow-burn, the aforementioned chain-reaction happens very fast. The whole thing is quite chaste, but in my mind a lot happens after the camera roll stopped...The OST is beautiful and I listen to it all the time.

Give it a try and see if you are not hooked at the end of the first episode like I was... #fighting!

#crash landing on you #kdrama #hyun bin #yoon se ri #son ye jin #ri jeong hyeok #miss fisher's murder mysteries #cloy #mfmm #personal

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magiaordinaria · 3 years

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In Defense of Frida Kahlo

◊please see my note on these images at the end of the post, because yes, this is a form of imitation for the sake of expressing desire to belong.

Frida Kahlo has become a difficult subject, some would argue an easy target- which to me is tragic because she was a person with a life and with struggles and today she can no longer defend herself. I personally think she doesn’t have to. I understand her as a historical figure that shaped Mexican history and the Mexican image. Lately I found myself understanding her on a different, more personal level when in October 2020 I came across an episode of the Nerdy Latinas Podcast, who were responding to a Tweet by an Indigenous Mexican woman accusing Frida of cultural appropriation. My interest was piqued.

“Frida was Mexican. How is it appropriation?” I thought.

In the episode, Chismeando About Frida Kahlo, the hosts explore Frida’s background and a bit of her social context. I listened and I recommend you do too. I gave a few comments to one of the hosts and was later invited to share my thoughts on the episode.* Below is bit of background and my response to the episode follows after that.

Prologue

When I initially listened to the episode my gut reaction was to become defensive, protective of Frida, despite not having had a single artifact of hers (my stance on purchasing her work or her image is a different story). I began to explore those feelings, and once I talked myself through this gut reaction, I realized this is actually very much worth exploring. It’s important to take into account the complexity of the social, personal, and historical context that Frida was experiencing and a part of.

One of the things the Nerdy Latinas brought up was the fact that Mexican schools during Frida’s childhood emphasized that the indigenous cultures of Mexico were the true cultures of Mexico. Frida, it is well-known, is half german and half Mexican. This conflict in identity was something that I deeply related to as a Mexican woman born in the US.

They pointed out that there were indigenous women who spoke out about Frida’s use of their clothing at the time, but were ignored. In the same episode, they talk about how indigenous women who make these clothes live off the sale of their indigenous clothing- Which makes me think, who is allowed to buy or not buy these clothes? It reassured me that there is more to cultural appropriation than simply wearing or using things “not intended for you”. Does intent matter? How are we verifying a person’s, in this case Frida Kahlo’s, intent? Short answer is, we can’t really.

Later in the episode, they ask the question, why aren’t other dark-skinned Mexican women artists spoken about? There are many indigenous artists that were overshadowed by Frida. An important example they bring up is Maria Izquierdo (ees-kee-ehr-doh). She was a contemporary of Frida’s and a student of Diego Rivera. She was doing well in her time and “showing promise” according to Diego himself. But when she spoke out against Frida’s feminist group Izquierdo lost a prestigious art commission to Diego Rivera and his male artist friends. I consider this claim of overshadowing pretty unfair, because it’s not entirely up to Frida who gets seen or not. And if we’re being perfectly honest, Diego and his friends probably jumped at the opportunity to take it for themselves.

She is still, after the paint dries, a woman in a white man’s world.

In my response, I come from a personal perspective with a lifetime of identity crises to fuel it. I focus in on the question of whether Frida can be accused of appropriation as well the concept of appropriation itself.

Is it fair to say that Frida had all the cards in her hands?

Is it productive to be upset over her perceived appropriation when there is so much today that is so blatantly grossly appropriated and mocked from my culture?

My Response:

“I definitely think it’s worth exploring Frida’s Use of clothing. I think, understandably, it brought up a lot of personal feelings because it’s something that I personally grapple with; this idea that my appearance could constitute grounds for appropriation.

...I think when Hispanic*** Americans learn about negative criticisms of Frida Kahlo they take the criticisms personally because that’s what they and myself included..., understood it looked like to be Mexican.

And if she’s wrong about her use fo clothing, it can’t easily be understood as an homage or as uplifting or as an act of rebellion against the whitewashing of the Mexican culture, which i think is something that is important when you live outside of Mexico. I think hispanic people--we just want to take care that our culture and our identity doesn’t get erased. so without the clothing that Frida wore the rest of us have only what we are calling the colonizer’s version of how to present ourselves as Mexicans.

Additionally, I didn’t really find her mixed ethnicity all that significant because since Mexico’s inception as a hispanic country most if not all non indigenous Mexicans are mixed.

our DNA is a map of people having been invaded, transcontinental travel in Europe, and slavery,

so i never really understood Frida as a white woman, even though her father was german. I’m 48% indigenous, the rest is North African, European--and on top of that I’m born in the US. That’s all to say that Mexican is a complex ethnicity but it’s Mexican all the same. I do see Frida as separate from indigenous and I’m also understanding that the way a person lives the culture is important. Personally, I feel sometimes I can’t consider myself Mexican if I’m not living the cultural practices. I find it hard to justify, for example, celebrating Day of the Dead. In contrast, I feel a responsibility to connect with those aspects of my culture in order to feel like I belong somewhere, or I know who I am, what my point of view is, and what I could do in order to impart a positive view of my culture to the Americans watching me now.

My thoughts are maybe Frida [thought so] too. In a way, maybe that was her intention. This episode brings up the idea of a crisis of identity for Frida and I think because she was born in a time when Europeanism** was being criticized heavily her schooling was perhaps in reaction to that. To give you a very popular example, the poem La Calavera Garbancera° most commonly known as La Calavera Catrina was written by Jose Guadalupe Posada around when Frida was born. That icon we have today (La Catrina) was actually a symbol of derision for Mexicans adopting European values. And I think when you’re taught certain ideals in the wider space in which you’re meant to integrate, it’s going to create a conflict between the way you’re raised and how you would like to see yourself in order to fell like you belong. So a personal example would be me growing up in the US. Saying the word Mexican was like saying a dirty word. For a very long time I was convinced that I should be ashamed of saying that. I tried more and more to become what was considered American- which was synonymous with being “correct” and for that I have been called a coconut or whitewashed by the same people who would deride me for being so Hispanic.

Today I want to undo all of that,

and i find myself [thinking] if I buy from indigenous craftswomen a handwoven dress to wear and to show to my wider audience that “this is Mexico, this is what indigenous women can do and it’s beautiful,” I fear I’ll face the same criticisms as Frida when I genuinely find [the dresses/clothing] lovely to wear and I only want to support the craftswomen of Mexico. So I don’t think appropriation happens when you buy indigenous crafts directly from indigenous men and women. As an artist myself, I would think they’d want to sell as much as they could, sharing their pride in their work. I think appropriation is buying from American corporations that are making money off of a diluted form of culture from oppressed people, stealing those complex designs expertly executed by thousands of years of knowledge and skill. To buy these goods from white companies, from huge manufacturers is to really whitewash culture. And on the flip side, I think it would be way worse for me to say,

oh no I’m not buying from indigenous people because I’m not indigenous.

But then turn around and buy something cheap from a huge manufacturer instead.

I think there’s room in this conversation to believe that Frida felt some kind of genuine desire and made a genuine attempt to connect to the Mexican identity she was taught in school.

I think she made a choice to embody what she felt was fundamentally Mexican but to what end, I honestly can’t say. Was it to bring awareness? was it to feel like she belonged? was it a statement? And that’s the thing we just can’t be sure.

All of this is not to say she didn’t offend people, and in the process took the light away from indigenous women. Or that this topic isn’t worth confronting. I was confronted with the question, though, of how much of that is or was her fault or her intention and how much of that is the time she lived in and her society’s discrimination. I’m glad you guys brought up her social milieu because

it matters a lot who were and are the voices speaking of her and approving her for public consumption.

I think Frida’s international travels and being on the cover of Paris’s vogue at the time, and the mystique she built around herself coupled with the fact that her skin color was internationally acceptable made her the icon that she is today around the world. That much is true, but can it also be true she made an honest attempt to honor Mexican heritage in defiance of those popular racist attitudes? I think there’s room for that.

I don’t think it’s entirely fair to say Frida is guilty of appropriation not really today, especially because we have much more blatant and grossly offensive forms of appropriation happening in our time. I’m sure I don’t need to go into that if you do a simple google search of “Mexican Costume” you can actually find white people dressing up as caricatured versions of Mexicans.

So I think a more productive conversation regarding appropriation in our world and in our culture today would be how to teach our diaspora across the globe to value handmade crafts. sure it can be more expensive, but you’re not buying a single object, you’re buying hundreds of years of knowledge and tradition. I would even argue that homemade is preferable to buying cheap, ready made stuff from corporations that have no regard for tradition or quality and who are actually drawing attention away from indigenous communities and diluting our cultures.”

Further Musings/Conclusion

I think that we are learning a valuable lesson in what is done is done, but what do we do now? My main concern is that there is outrage over the women that Frida Kahlo “overshadowed”,

but the simplest solution is to stop talking about these indigenous artists within the context–in the shadow– of Frida Kahlo.

They should be spoken about in their own right. If the dialogue about these women doesn’t revolve around or rely on Frida and her history, it would do these women justice. They are out there and they can exist. The problem is, how to talk about them without drawing comparisons to Frida? Should we avoid placing them in the same context? Questions for which I personally lack the answers right now.

What I do know is that I think we should avoid turning this into a situation where we tear down one woman-

who in the grand scheme of things accomplished a lot- in order to raise another. No, no mijita, as my mom would say. Eso no se hace, that’s not something we should do.

This feels too much like a situation in which someone like Frida becomes the target of appropriation because it’s easier than confronting really tough situations like white companies selling “ceremonial grade” chocolate.

Let’s tackle that sometime.

Personally, as you may have been able to tell, I understand Frida from the perspective of a person caught in the middle of two worlds. I don’t exactly feel like I belong in my American homeland nor in my familial, ancestral home of Mexico. I am part of a community that feels a sense of disconnection from our roots and therefore, lack meaning; we lack a true sense of self. But the more I interact with others like me, the more I create a community for myself, the more I understand that my place is where I want to be seen. I think it’s possible that that’s what Frida chose.

notes

◊This set of pictures is a type of homage centered around a very conscious imitation. I created these images back in September 2020 about a month before I learned of the Frida Kahlo tweet or the podcast episode. They were created in an attempt to portray a desire to belong to the culture I come from. Everything worn is a symbolic imitation in search of identity. In contrast to the last set of images where I wear the braid headband again. Here it is inspired by, rather than imitation; a carrying forward of traditions (like those seen here) into a more understandable form for myself. The evolution of the outfit is taking me one step closer to figuring out what my place is and what my voice is within the greater scope of my Mexican heritage.

*I recorded a few thoughts in audio format, sent it off to Short Latina and that was that. To what extent my comments were included, I’m not sure, I haven’t had the chance to listen to their follow up episode. Perhaps I was proven completely wrong!

**Europeanism- I know it’s not a real word, but It felt right :P

***I imagine Frida is important to a lot of Latinx, but for the purposes of this argument, I specifically mean Mexicans and Mexican-Americans because of the specific ties to cultural attire.

°It’s actually called: Remate De Calaveras Alegres y Sandungueras; Las que hoy son empolvadas Garbanceras pararan en deforme calaveras

#frida kahlo #frida #kahlo #khalo #frida khalo #appropriation #cultural appropriation #chicana #middle child #xicana #chicanx #born in the USA #whitewashed #mexican #mexican heritage #you are allowed to disagree

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geocookie21 · 3 years

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A Punny Death

This is my first fic! Please be kind! It’s not going to be long at all.

Warning: 2 very bad puns. And I ask for your forgiveness.

—————————————————————————————————————

The Doctor, Agent O, Graham, Ryan, Yaz and Y/N had all managed to get into Barton’s plane relatively safely. And by safely I mean running directly behind the plane and then preceding to jump onto it! Because that is something you clearly should do, according to the Doctor.

“Thanks for helping me up back there” O said as he turned to Y/N

“No problem! Im surprised I got on, I’m used to the running now but jumping into planes?” You giggled as you shared a look with O and he couldn’t help but return the action with a laugh.

“I’ve never been good at sprinting” O said continuing your conversation, despite the lack of oxygen in your lungs, he was faking it, but still.

“Forget sprinting, I don’t think I’m quite used to running at all yet”

O, yet to be revealed as the Master, had gotten quite close to Y/N in the short time of your acquaintance. While Graham may have been keeping a running commentary, Y/N was making jokes. Bad jokes. The worst jokes imaginable. A few puns that flew right over O’s head, he caught on that it was, in fact, a joke of sort when Graham groaned.

One that didn’t fly over his head, and he was ashamed that he didn’t pick up on it before he replied, was the classic

“Hey O! Wanna know how NASA plans their parties?”

“How?”

“They plan-et” you said with a grin practically splitting your face. An expression he connoted with you making a joke that you knew was awful. So he groaned.

Apparently this was the correct response as you started laughing harder than you already were. O merely rolled his eyes, trying to stay in character, yet laughed a little by instinct. They were not bad jokes, in fact he found them rather amusing, despite the awful quality.

The godawful jokes continued to be heard at random throughout their little adventure. O nearly lost it when you said “Where’s the platypus when you need him” as you were sneaking around Barton’s jet hanger.

Having gotten a little bored during his time in MI6 and having already took a liking to TV as one of his previous regenerations he decided to look into more modern day tv shows, finding Phineas and Ferb.

He was about to burst out in laughter when Graham scolded you. You pouted completely unaware of the entire groups shoulders shaking in an obvious attempt to hold in laughter, including Grahams.

Currently, having just jumped onto a plane, the jokes have stopped, for a few minutes at least.

“What are we actually going to do?” Yaz huffed out. Seriously, ran after a plane and jumped onto it. Can you blame her for being out of breath?

“Sit tight and see where he’s going” the Doctor replied, out of breath but clearly not suffering as much as the humans were cause she’s lucky causes she’s a time lord and has done more ridiculous stuff than this.

“Amen” You exclaimed as you sat down in one of the rows of chairs...cause you know, running after a plane AND JUMPING ON IT

“What were you doing in the kitchen Y/N? The party was outside” Ryan asked you.

“Officially? Looking for anything not obvious” you replied holding your lungs

“And unofficially?” Graham asked, already dreading the answer. Everyone looked at you, waiting for, what was going to be, a horrible joke.

“Trying to steal his cutlery” you replied knowing the next line, the groans incoming.

“Y/N! Why would you do that?! What if you were caught?!” There it was, the approaching line. You knew Yaz would go all police woman on you, thus providing you the perfect opportunity...

“It was a whisk I was willing to take” you deadpanned. Slowing turning into the famous grin.

The groans from all present were worth it. You laughed for a good 5 minutes despite the pain in your lungs.

Everyone including O just smiled at you. Each thinking you were cute. Then the Doctor remembered something that O said a few minutes before...

“Never been good at sprinting?” She asked O, confused.

“I was the last one in every race at school”

“No no no, I read your file. Your a champion sprinter” She huffed out, unaware that she broke his disguise.

The air in the room (plane?) shifted. You could feel something was wrong even from where you were sitting.

You couldn’t see it but O’s innocent (attractive) face dropped. He knew his facade was no longer going to work he stood thinking for a second or two until..

“Got me” whispered words, yet louder than echos.

“Well done”

The words scaring you into sitting upright, despite the pain in your lungs. This wasn’t the O you had come to know.

“What’s going on,Doc?” Graham’s voice was barely heard as you kept you senses focused on ‘O’. More confused than afraid, afraid all the same, you started to stand when he suddenly whirled around and out his hand out towards you. His hand raised to nearly eye hight and palm facing you, as if he were a magician.

“Sit down, Love.” The spoken command sounded soft to your ears and mirrored his smile. O’s smile.

You did as you were told so he turned back to the Doctor. A small laugh, as if he’d done nothing more than a harmless prank, to her as he turned his head over his shoulders to address the others.

“Well you’d best take a look out the window”

The fam did exactly that, except for you. As you stood to look a firm hand wrapped around your waist, pulling you towards a tall warm body. Looking up towards their face and seeing the O that you had known, not the one nearly laughing maniacally a second ago, confused you. This person isn’t O. Whether there had ever been a real O, or whether you had met the real one was yet to be determined. But you felt that this man was the one you had gotten close too. But who was he?

“How is your house out there?” Graham’s voice broke your thoughts. Only to start about her round.

“What?!” You got as close to the window as you could, with ‘O’ still holding onto you. And Graham was right, his house was out there.

He let you go so you could look.

“A little bit wicked witch of the west” you almost laughed. You really did. Then you remembered the situation. Though O did see you smile unknowingly, he knew you were amused and if this was a different situation you would have laughed. He frowned for a second wishing that you had laughed, but he knew you were confused. Remembering that the Doctor would be equally as confused was what got him smiling again.

“But you get the gist! Maybe, maybe not”

He tuned around leaning lazily against the wall. (Hand on hip as if he didn’t know what that would do to the audience watching.)

“Come in Doctor, catch up”

“You can do it, come on” acting as if he was a tutor, helping a child.

The Doctors mouth dropped in realisation.

“Ooooh”

O looked happy at that response, maybe even excited.

“That’s my name, and that is why I chose it”

“Oh so satisfying” He smiled.

“It was a bad pun even for me” you whispered. You were too confused to even notice you spoke that out loud or that you were even smirking at the godawful pun that he made, and let’s be honest, you WOULD have made that pun.

He looked at you a smiled softly, a low laugh that he only kept going for you, even with his disguise dropped. He quickly switched his attention to the Doctor.

“Doctor I did say, look for the spymaster”

his voice started dropping lower. In time not volume. Almost as if he was becoming someone else.

“Or should I say, spy...”

“Master”

The Doctor looked horrified and he took a deep, staggered, breath.

“Hi” he smiled. His whole demeanour had changed. Even his eyes, they burned with a hated and target into the Doctor.

“You can’t be”

“Oh I can be and very much am”

“So what’s going on then, if he’s not really O” Ryan spoke up for us confused humans in the back. Literally, back of the plane.

“I’m her best enemy” He responded as he got closer to the Doctor, laughing at her face when he stood next to her.

“Call me Master”

He addressed the fam as he started speaking, but in his last word, his name, he kept his eyes locked to yours.

Words of confusion arose from the fam, the Doctor still yet to recover from the shock.

“Me and her, we go way way way back”

“I met O” The Doctor trying to figure the situation asked the Master.

“I know”

“Years ago”

“I know!” He replied to her, laughing all the while.

“But there was an O at MI6! C was talking about him” Ryan being calm enough to think the situation through. The Doctor wasn’t doing to great and honestly? Neither were you.

“Yes, a man very close to my heart”

“Well in my pocket, actually. Wanna see him? It’s always good to have a backup of ones work”

He held up a matchstick box. His eyes locked to yours again, the demonstration purely for your benefit. Not to frighten you, he knew you’d be curious as to what was going on.

“Tissue compression, it’s a classic”

You finally saw what was in the matchstick box.... it was the original O.

Your mouth dropped as you whimpered slightly at the sight. The Masters eyes softened for a moment, wondering if perhaps he shouldn’t have shown you. He focused on the others for a moment to get you out of his head and thoughts before continuing.

“Ambushed him! On his way to work for his first day, shrunk him, took his identity and set myself up in MI6”

He turned back to the fam and kept you in his sights to see your reaction. You were still shocked and afraid, so he did the only thing he could. The thing you bonded over. He tried to make a joke.

“Surprisingly good staff canteen”

If he wasn’t watching you, he wouldn’t have noticed the quick smile or the breath you took. Another time, that would have you giggling and he knew. But you weren’t as scared as you were a second ago, so it did it’s job. He smiled softly at you closed you mouth and took a breath to calm yourself.

He was going to through the small box to the side to spite the Doctor, but he didn’t want to scare you so he put it back in his pocket and faced the Doctor once more.

“I have had a lot of fun” he started clapping out of enjoyment as the Doctor ran for the cockpit. The Master turned back to the fam and grimaced before a tiny giggle left his mouth. You were about to speak when suddenly

“Where’s Barton?!” Now that got your attention

The Master turned back around as if he’d been caught stealing a cookie. He jumped around acting like he didn’t know where to go until he sat down in a plane seat a few rows in front of you as the others ran past him.

He turned to you, you still looked terrified before, hearing that the plane didn’t have a pilot didn’t help

“So how’s the inflight entertainment?” He smiled softly at you, not the cruel smile he’d been giving out. An encouraging one, perhaps concerned and kind.

“I don’t like the comedy show” you whispered. You were scared. Confused. Still had burning lungs. Worried about the Doctor and others. And on top of that making a joke with a, now know, murderer was not at the top of your priorities.

“Check the seat” he called out after controlling his laughter at your reaction. The fam panicked as he whispered just loud enough for you to hear.

“it’s going to be ok” he knew in his mind it wasn’t. You were going to die. You are a human, he has no need for humans no matter how much he enjoyed your company. You knew it too.

He smirked evily as he glanced at the cockpit.

“Cockpit bomb”

He glanced at you at your gasps of horror. Smoking as he continued.

“Short fuse. I can relate to that”

A knowing smile until he heard the sound of the sonic.

“No! Did you think I wouldn’t have thought of that?’ It’s sonic proof Doctor! Come on!”

“Dead lock sealed and I made sure, no parachutes on board”

You knew you were going to die. You wanted to get to your friends, your fam. But the Master blocked your way.

“There must be a way!”

You doubted it. You were frightened and wanted your friends. You made eye contact with Yaz and Ryan, both held their arms out for you, knowing you needed them. You pushed past the Master into their arms and whimpered a little. You tried to keep it quiet so the doctor couldn’t hear you. You didn’t want her to stress out more than she already was.

Yaz said something to the Master and he replied, but you couldn’t make it out. You were too busy being scared and keeping it quiet. You caught the end of their conversation as the Master said

“...even these guys” you saw the creatures you were investigating. And if you weren’t scared enough?

“I can’t do it! Get away!” The Doctor shouted. She shut and barricaded the door in a feeble attempt to keep the explosion away from you all. The bomb went off and she fell over.

All you could hear was screaming. The fams, the Masters, your own. Your grip on the seat that you had grabbed weakened and you fell. You never hit the ground. In the chaos you could just about notice you had been caught. It was the purple cost that gave their identity away.

“Tell me Y/N, are you mad at me?”

You held onto him, him being the only steady thing you could grab on to at the moment.

“I’ve been mad at you since the Wizard of Oz reference”

He laughed as he held you in his arms. He steadied you in a seat and left towards the Doctor and stood over her.

“One last thing, you should know in the seconds before you die. Everything that you think you know, is a lie”

He turned to face you again.

“Y/N! Do me a favour!”

“What?!”

“Don’t die!”

“That’s kinda the idea here! your not exactly helping!”

“Good little human! I’ll see you soon!”

“If I don’t die in a damn plane crash you twit!”

he laughed before he sobered, turning back to the Doctor

“Got you, finally”

And with that he vanished.

Now we just have to survive the plane crash...

I’m sure the Doc.. Annnnd she just got taken.

Just great.

#doctor who #thirteenth doctor #13th doctor #dhawan!master #the master #Agent O #I wanna do a part two of this #sassy reader making jokes with the master as he’s trying to kill them is a mood #part 2 in the hanger The Madter getting b*** slapped #the sass that will ensue #the Doctor will probably have to hold them back

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bronsonthurman · 3 years

Text

An Overwatch Player's Lament

I am writing an Overwatch article for a general audience--as such I am putting a lot of time into making it general interest. But as an Overwatch player who has been here since I pre-ordered Origins edition, I want to chime in while recent announcements are still relevant. If for no other reason so I don’t get sucked into the subreddit. Overwatch has been a bumpy ride.

It came heralded by such slick media that many of us were instantly sold on the characters. The cinematic score is also highly adept, sometimes so tearfully triumphant that I wonder if they aren’t targeting tear ducts with sonic frequencies. At release it was technically strong; the art style allowed them to be near cinematic without weighing down the game, while its net code produced too few hiccups to mention. Such factors disguised the thinness of the actual offerings--a single queue in a single mode was the entire game, with all those fascinating heroes arbitrarily picked from a roster with narrative crushing results.

Since then it has been a roller-coaster of balance changes, new features, major new systems, before even considering the inescapable impact of new maps and heroes. Every few months a major initiative is announced to address problems Blizzard created, unmanageable hero stacks, wildly varying team play, and toxicity, a category into which I will lump not just the reporting and endorsing updates, but also the competitive and arcade expansions. All of these changes stemmed from a need to separate player populations that Blizzard had put into direct conflict: solo run-and-gunners and tactics-strategy gamers. In the future I will explore this conflict in greater detail.

Of all of these, certainly 2:2:2 was the most decisive intervention in this clash. It was a rare concession to the mental game by mechanically requiring the teamwork that the objectives format rewarded with victory. Simultaneously the numerous death match, free-for-all modes random heroes, kept crying to run-and-gunners that it was still their game too. This from a title that is still only considering a ping system for Overwatch 2 and which hides most of it’s communications option behind custom binding and weighs it down with cosmetic emotes, voice-lines, and sprays that are there to reinforce the loot box economy. It is a sad irony that first person shooters, intended for running-and-gunning, values the minimal teamwork required for battle royale more than Overwatch does the maximal teamwork it requires.

Now for Overwatch 2 PVP they have announced 1:2:2, an initiative to reduce the team play by reducing the team and reworking tanks into brawlers. This step feels like a rejection to team players. We have too long been forced into solo strategies for surviving no-team matches, we’ve watched Genji get play of the game for our masterful graviton surge, and have gone unrecognized for game winning plays while Overwatch singles out players for their individual accomplishments.

One of my first impressions was that maybe Overwatch should just be an entertainment franchise. From the Overwatch 2 story trailer I doubt Disney would be any worse--the writing had plenty of trite Hollywood fluff already. Now looking back at the journey, and knowing the actual origins of Overwatch, I can’t help but start to feel a little betrayed. It is widely known Overwatch is the result of a cancelled MMO, the failed Project Titan. In retrospect it seems that under the highly polished exterior, Overwatch was a cobbled together effort to save sunk costs, and it shows in the mechanics. Why its ancestral MMO failed seems obvious; the dev team seems disinterested in the team aspect in particular and pushing the envelope in general. They just shipped a generic game in a gorgeous skin, doing nothing original except leveraging that aesthetic to normalize selling cosmetic loot boxes in a full priced game.

Overwatch feels like the leading edge of a wave of unfortunate game development paradigms. I am beginning to feel ashamed for promoting it, for introducing it to new players. This reinforces my trend away from console gaming. I am now playing far fewer video games in general in favor of game theory and indie development. I will save my money and innovate games myself if I have to. I have lightly prototyped systems that address Overwatch’s issues; unfortunately, I suspect that Blizzard is perfectly capable of solving these issues, but won’t. Ultimately the purse strings will choke off such innovation and the developers in charge are the ones who satisfy the money managers by working within generic game design.

Blizzard is hemorrhaging players and it is easy to see why. I am one of them. Over the last decade the weight of massive profitability has crushed the process of game development--this article concerns Overwatch, and thus Blizzard, but every major player is equally vulnerable to these criticisms of business practice. Add crypto-miners blocking participation in PC gaming, Google and Amazon showing simultaneous ineptness and determination to be part of the problem, and Apple being satisfied with owning the majority of the gaming market with mobile games that you’ve never heard of, it adds up to a rather bleak time for gaming fandom. For me the remaining appeal and possibility of interactive gaming rests in what ever Flash-like 2D sprite based games I can make. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to have a great AAA gaming experience. I am just not sure anyone makes those anymore. Certainly not expecting to get one from Blizzard.

#Overwatch #video games #blizzard games

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xplrerdolan · 4 years

Text

an analysis on and rant about what stan twitter did to grayson dolan:

as i mentioned earlier, i have quite a bit to say about the twitter stans trying to cancel the twins because of something they talked about on their podcast. not only do i have my own personal opinions on it, i also want to shed some light on the direction cancel culture has taken and why it’s so vile.

for context, here’s a transcription of what a very small but loud group of people are “upset” about: “people just want you to not be sober and not be on a diet, because, y’know, they-they kinda feel like shit that they’re not.” - ethan. also during the podcast, grayson mentions, vaguely, that he’s had an unhealthy relationship with food in the past, as did ethan. ethan later identified the problems as being eating disorders. from what i’ve seen on twitter, people mention either/or rather than both aspects when talking about why it should have had a trigger warning. for some people, the whole issue was the nine second clip of what ethan said. others said they were triggered by the mention of eating disorders.

let’s get into this, shall we?

first of all, let me identify myself as a fat girl who is the furthest thing from sober. my entire life, i have been criticized by my family and the world around me for my weight. i’m at a point in my life where i embrace being fat, and i am comfortable with it, which i constantly have to justify. i am directly affected by diet culture, fatphobia, and eating disorders. i personally struggle with disordered eating—different from an eating disorder in that i have a generally unhealthy relationship with food—and what they said does not warrant a trigger warning.

why? because they’re not talking about needing to be on a diet. they’re not shitting on people who aren’t on a diet. they aren’t forcing their diet & healthy eating onto us as an audience. they also didn’t talk about their eating disorders on the podcast; they said they might talk about it later. what they are doing is being condescending—but let’s unpack that quickly.

their condescension is not targeted or directed at us. it is directed toward people who try to pressure them to do things for instant gratification. specifically, other influencers and hollywood as a whole. not to mention, he’s clearly suggesting that people who try to get them to break their sobriety or their diets are the ones who probably feel shitty about themselves for not doing those things. idk about the rest of y’all but i’ve never seen any fans trying to pressure them into getting off their diet or drinking. so, it’s clearly not directed at any of us.

hollywood is hedonistic. the whole aesthetic of youth, the advertisement of satisfaction is rooted in indulgence. maintaining a healthy diet, just like sobriety, is the complete opposite of that.

the snark and the comparison to sobriety are there because he’s annoyed with others trying to pressure him into enjoying his youth “like he should;” a standard set by culture that he & grayson don’t want to participate in for personal reasons. let me remind you that we do not know what they hear from other influencers. we have not been surrounded by a group of other influential people—really influential, not your peers in high school—who are trying to get us to just have one little drink, or just have one little milkshake, or just eat one little burger. connections matter in hollywood. consider how separate the twins seem from other influencers—do you think that’s merely coincidental? i can almost promise you it’s not. they likely avoid people who pressure them one too many times or who put them at risk of disappointing themselves because they might succumb to peer pressure.

what i’m saying here is ethan was projecting. he was projecting his annoyance, frustration, and perhaps some amount of bitterness or general bad feelings in a way that protected himself. yes, it’s a little condescending because a lot of his fans—including myself—might struggle with diet culture or sobriety, or some of us might make choices in our lives that differ from theirs so it feels mildly offensive or just makes you feel bad. i’ll admit that when i first heard it, i was a little put off for a second. but then, i did precisely what so many twitter stans need to do: i got the fuck over it. because i’m not so unsympathetic that i can’t imaging that maybe their life looks a liiiittle different from mine, and i’m not so self-centered to believe that one passing comment applies to me or was ever intended to hurt me personally.

yes, delivery and effect matters more than intention. and if anyone was genuinely offended or triggered, yes, that warrants apology. but it doesn’t obliterate intention. intention matters.

onto my next point: responsibility. i believe people are responsible for correctly labelling potentially triggering information. BUT that doesn’t necessarily mean that you put a trigger warning on a podcast because of one passing comment and the mention of eating disorders. it’s not as though the twins were mocking them or carelessly talking about their experiences—which i note would be careless because eating disorders are a social disease and they get stronger with validation from others as well as through normalization of the disorder. by normalization, i mean saying things or making jokes that encourage one to restrict or to binge. knowing that they did none of that, and that people’s primary issue (what ethan said) was a major misunderstanding, it’s pretty clear that they were under no obligation to put a trigger warning.

now, let’s consider the following: the twins have recently been being more open with us about their insecurities, especially ethan. while talking about what helped him get to a point where he’s comfortable with his acne, he mentions that working out and taking care of himself physically played a huge part in that. in addition to the last two recent points of discussion on their platforms and channel, they have also been sharing their journey through veganism and are very excited about how great they feel because of it.

taking all of that into account, if you know that you’re at such a sensitive point in your recovery or your disorder (which is nothing to be ashamed about, i’d like to note) that someone mentioning their own diet, their view of their own diet, or just the general existence of eating disorders is enough to trigger you, you have to understand that you have a responsibility to avoid potentially triggering content. excluding their eating disorders, we all knew about their recent healthy vegan diet and their devotion to maintaining their physique. i mention this because it seems as though the people who are upset would’ve been triggered by the latter two things regardless—it’s not the words “eating” and “disorder” that suddenly break you like a hypnotic command, it’s the whole premise of two guys talking about how physically fit they are and how healthy they’ve been eating. since this is what they’ve been talking about recently and this is what’s going on in their life, you have to be responsible enough to not seek out or engage with something that could be triggering to you. you need to step away from those things yourself and come back to them when you are capable of hearing about someone else’s healthy choices without internalizing that information and inflicting it upon yourself.

i find it also incredibly important to note that the language ethan uses is very clearly a way to defend himself and ward off anyone who disagrees with his dietary choices. it’s his way of validating himself. which, if you’ve been paying attention, is a sign that he’s insecure about his diet to begin with; if you have more than three brain cells, you should be able to figure out from that fact alone that even if he didn’t have an eating disorder, he clearly has issues with eating. which is why i think nitpicking a nine second clip out of a 45-50ish minute episode of a podcast is absolutely disgusting to me; look at what’s happened now. in their lack of consideration for what he might be going through, despite them literally telling us that they have struggled with eating disorders in the past, they essentially ended up “outing” him. at least, i’ve spent enough time listening to that clip and typing up this analysis of the situation to see it that way.

the last overarching thing i’d like to talk about here is the how this whole situation demonstrates the dangerous and frankly disgusting turn that cancel culture has taken in recent times. cancel culture is no longer expository; it has evolved to be exploitative. people take any opportunity to cancel someone in the hopes that they get attention and validation from others. i believe—and i urge you to read this part carefully and to not misconstrue my intentions or meaning when i say this—that we have pushed the idea that we should support, trust, and listen to the disenfranchised to a degree that we no longer allow any space for critical thinking and analysis of a certain claim. LET ME BE PERFECTLY AND COMPLETELY CLEAR. this does NOT mean that a white person can analyze a BIPOC’s experience with racism to dismiss it, it does NOT mean that nonvictims can analyze a victim’s allegations against someone to disprove it, and thus, it does NOT mean that any oppressor of any kind can apply their ignorant, blind assumptions to any oppressed person’s claims to disqualify what they have said.

with that being said, the reason i mention this is because there are going to inevitably be people, like whoever started this whole mess, who make claims that are either false, dramatized, or that are based on misunderstandings. a part of me wants to believe that the person who initially claimed to be triggered by what ethan said misheard him or took what he said personally when they should not have. if we encouraged people to have discussions about these things, then perhaps someone would’ve pointed out to them that no where in that statement does he shame people for not being on diets or for not being sober. rather, he was projecting his feelings of being criticized onto those who criticize him.

now, the other possibility (that i would rather not believe) is that this person—the first person to say something—picked out a nine second segment of the podcast where ethan said something less than positive and went out of their way to make it seem like an issue. still, the same problem ensues: we’ve created such a culture that if you challenge the position of the accuser then you’re simply brainwashed by the accused and you’re part of the problem.

i can say with utmost certainty that even if the first person to complain about the clip hadn’t intended to make something out of nothing, a fair 90% of them who said blatantly disrespectful things to ethan and grayson DEFINITELY just wanted to hop on a bandwagon. there was one girl who replied to grayson several times, claiming that what they had said was VERY triggering to a lot of people, but within her frantic outcry for an apology from him, she admitted that she herself wasn’t triggered and didn’t even struggle with an eating disorder, before proceeding to tell someone else who does have an eating disorder that if they weren’t triggered it’s not their place to say the twins don’t have to apologize.

......................since the girlies from the bird app like to lurk here, let me spell that one out for y’all:

✨stop demanding apologies that you cannot accept✨

hopefully that gets through to them. because this is the second time in a row that they’ve gone ahead and demanded apologies from the twins that they cannot accept. the heteros were down their throats about the f-slur (which i use in reclamation as it has been used against me personally but i won’t repeat here on the off chance that someone is hurt by it).

it’s so painfully obvious that they’re doing it for likes, retweets, and replies. whether they want people to argue with them or just want attention, they’re hiding behind the guise of caring about a very serious issue and speaking FOR the people who might be offended. i believe people like this noticed a pattern under celebrity tweets when BLM was the center of discussion on twitter. if a celebrity wasn’t talking about BLM, people were under that tweet demanding that they did. those tweets would often get a lot of interactions from people who agreed that someone with a platform should speak up. and since local stan twitter does nothing but regurgitate what’s “trending,” they’re trying to find any reason to be the social justice warrior precisely no one asked them to be and absolutely no one needs them to be.

i don’t think that anyone really needs me to explain why they should be ashamed of themselves, but in case one of them is floating around: it’s because when a bunch of people demand an apology for a non-problem, gang up on that person, flood their replies with nothing but those demands in hopes that someone with as much sense as them on twitter-dot-fucking-com will engage with it and maybe join their futile efforts, it leads to people having to expose a part of themselves that they wanted to keep private. it’s a violation not only of their privacy, but of their emotional consent and the boundaries they had set up.

i’d like to leave anyone guilty of contributing to this situation with this to consider: they start to open up to us more, they start to be more honest with us, they try their best to show us their appreciation for support, and as soon as they mention having an eating disorder it’s a personal attack on you and they need to apologize for it? or worse—someone else said that it was a personal attack on them so you reply five separate times even though it’s not your apology to accept and therefore is not your apology to ask for. it’s bitches like you who make them keep everything vague and private. i don’t even want to consider what they’re going through right now; it breaks my heart to imagine how badly they’re hurting. all for likes and retweets on the fucking bird app. let me know what that gets you in five years.

#pers #rant #the dolan twins #ethan dolan #grayson dolan #podcast 23 #deeper with the dolan twins #tw: eating disorder mention #tw: eating problems #tw: ed mention #tw: ed #tw: eating disorder #tw: diet culture

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charmingyourheart · 4 years

Text

THE TWILIGHT SAGA- a film review

A saga that both enthralled me as a thirteen year old and left me with several questions as an adult.

Isolation clearly sent me insane because I thought picking up the Twilight books would be a productive thing to do with my seemingly endless free time. 2008 me was obsessed, posters of the cast lined my walls, and the Edward vs Jacob debate was fierce. It was a series that taught me much - like never loaning beloved books to “friends” because you may or may not get them back in the same condition. It was a series that introduced me to Fanfic, was instrumental in my love affair with romance novels, and even inspired me to write.

Though the series gets as much hate as it does love, I think we can all agree that the series has left a lasting legacy. The movies gave us absolute fire soundtracks, young adult movies were suddenly everywhere, and for better or worse 50 Shades was, ironically, spawned.

I am not ashamed to say I was a massive Twi-Hard and re-reading the books really made me see why. We all know the story; the lion fell in love with the lamb etc. As far as plot goes, it’s very straight forward, predictable, and more than a little bit of a rip off of the original vampire diaries novels. As someone who was obsessed with both series, let me tell you the character similarities between the characters right down to the “vegetarianism” are just a little too on the nose for me but I digress.

As someone who grew up to admire strong heroines, I was surprised to recall that I identified with Bella. I adored her. I wanted to be her. It’s not that I think she is a weak character, I just think she is a painfully flat character, an empty vessel we could all project ourselves into and by far the most boring character in the series.

Am I the only one who wanted to read more about the other Cullens? Rosalie was and still remains to be my favourite character from the series.Saddled with terrible wigs in the films (sadly not unique to her character), relegated to background all while being the only voice of reason. My girl was done dirty and I wanted more. Yes, this is “Bella’s story” but the book I want to read is about an avenging vampire taking revenge in a wedding dress. It kills me that such an interesting character has to play second fiddle to Isabella “not having a personality is my personality” Swan.

There is so much to say about the Twilight Saga as a whole that I’m not sure there is anything I can really say that hasn’t been said before. So without any further ado…

TWILIGHT

The OG, the numero uno, the one that started it all.

It’s not that it’s badly written. It’s that it’s so juvenile.

Maybe age has skewed my perception and I know I am definitely not the target audience anymore yet from the first page I can’t help but feel disappointed. I know where it’s going, I’d read the books multiple times in the past, watched the film dozens more and I wanted that magic to be there.

It wasn’t.

Vampires aside, it’s also wildly unbelievable.

Look I’m willing to suspend disbelief as long as it’s moderately plausible.

The most egregious example of this is the Cullen’s themselves. Is Stephanie Meyer really trying to tell me that the Cullen “children” enjoy repeating High School over and over again instead of doing literally anything else with their time? High School was and remains to be a blur of hormones, heartbreak, and Hell on earth. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to repeatedly inflict that on themselves.

Menstruation is also ignored. You know that little thing 50% of the population does. How do the Cullen’s cope in an enclosed environment with a bunch of women on their periods? Especially when Jasper attempts to attack Bella over a paper cut... It’s things like that keep me up at night.

I found Bella so mind numbingly boring and she just annoyed me to no end. We get it, you’re awkward, clumsy, and so painfully average. Edward is just a borderline stalker who routinely pushes boundaries (something 50 Shades doubles down on) and the dialogue is just so cheesy. Seriously, my lactose intolerance was flaring up. Lines such as;

“About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him-and I didn’t know how potent that part might be-that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.”

Had me cramping worse than all those ill advised wine and cheese nights I inflict on myself.

That aside, the book is relatively engaging and even though I found my eyes rolling so far into the back of my head I could practically see my brain, I didn’t hate it. The magic was gone. The romance was unhealthy and the plot plain.

(New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn- below the cut)

NEW MOON

How this was my favourite book for so long is beyond me.

It’s so astronomically terrible I can’t even write about it without feeling triggered.

A book that basically boils down nothing more than: sad girl is sad and does suicidal things in order to “see” the love of her life.

Boo you’re like eighteen. What do you know of love? Nothing. Because you are a child. And that right there is the classic sign I’ve become an adult - I’m agreeing with the adults in this world.

There is no plot. No character development. Nothing.

Well there are the shifters but like anything remotely interesting Meyer created it’s quickly pushed to the background.

I just can’t with this book. I am a broken woman.

ECLIPSE

Teenage angst is angsty.

There’s a love triangle.

BACKSTORY!

More angst.

A minor sprinkling of plot.

More angst.

Oh look proposal.

Honestly there isn’t actually much to say about this because like New Moon it’s just a filler book of nothing. It's just meh.

As Jay says, it’s “best remembered as a fun experience in the cinema, with people yelling at the screen every time a character said something dumb".

BREAKING DAWN

Just no.

It’s too soon. It will always be too soon to relive this trauma.

I hated it as a teenager and I hated it as an adult.

Sorry. I just can’t overlook the impossible conception of Renesmee (the WORST character name in history) but am I just expecting to ignore the fact Jacob fell in love with a BABY?!

There is just so much about this book that I can’t even find the words for.

____

In sitting down to write this I have discovered that Twilight would have been better served as a single outing. While the first book certainly isn’t perfect the rest of the books are a steady decline into nothing and there is actually no reason for so many books.

NOTHING ACTUALLY HAPPENS IN THESE BOOKS.

While it is a series I once adored it just doesn’t hold up against all the other young adult offerings out there. If you want some suggestions? Hit us up. But Twilight beyond the first book, and really even that is kind of a stretch, is just not worth the pain.

+ Stalking aside pretty inoffensive.

- Literally everything else.

Final verdict: better left in 2008.

#film review #vampire week #twilight #new moon #breaking dawn #eclipse #honest react #review by: sian #vampires #twilight review

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firebirdsdaughter · 4 years

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01 made sure that I don't care one bit about characters that don't give a single f*ck about a traumatized victim of decade long abused. Horobi had nobody caring about him all this time, his own son offered him on a silver platter to the Ark, Aruto thinks yelling at him to snap out of the hacking will do. And then Aruto is sad over his pet AI being stupid and suddenly everyone is up in arms and ready to jump in and help him cheer up again. Give me a break.

… I will forever keep pre-ep 42 Fuwa safely in my heart. That guy out there isn’t my Fuwa. My Fuwa is safe. -_-

It’s very… Questionable.

Like. If anyone had tried to do anything help Horobi earlier, we wouldn’t be in this situation. It’d be so much less messy and destructive. It’d’ve been actual work, but, like. It would have literally been easier.

I’ve said before that I feel like they switched the cores of Horobi and Gai’s stories, and I super still feel that. Esp given the loss of episodes, they really should have stuck w/ having the Ark as the final villain, maybe have her take over Gai forcibly, I dunno. Maybe have Gai cause the situation? I know the point they’re trying to go for is that ‘HumaGear/AI can do bad to!’ (maybe?), but we had that w/ the Ark. Like… They could absolutely still have done Horobi struggling w/ getting free, him still having resentment towards humans, but having humans reach out and help him, prove their goodness by taking the time to reach out to the biggest victim who has been the most consumed by the Ark’s influence. Like, Horobi did wrong things under the Ark’s control. He’s been completely under her control and influence for decades. Like I just ranted about, he’s been conditioned, he literally doesn’t know how to handle emotions, or even what morals are. But humans should know better, esp ones who allegedly work w/ AI. Them defying the Ark’s claims and doctrine by reaching out to him and helping him, despite everything, would have been a great moment.

Like… I do understand Aruto being super upset about what happened. Despite the issues I have w/ how it was presented, he and Izu were close. Of course he’d be mad. What bothers me is the attitude that he’s the only victim who is behaving irrationally bc of grief and pain. The way all the stops are getting pulled out to ‘save him.’ I’d feel a lot more sympathetic towards him if I felt like they were recognising Horobi’s mental state at the same time. Like I went to in my giant ramble, Horobi didn’t seek out Izu and gun for her, she sought him out when he was already volatile and in an extremely high intensity situation, which had already been escalated (by humans), and continued pressuring him until he snapped.

Aruto being upset about her death is one thing. Like… Okay. They were close. I do give that. It’s the attitude that only Aruto is the tragic one here. This should at the least be treated as a double tragedy.

That’s why Raiden going to Horobi, however I think he went about it in a not really great way, was really powerful, esp compared w/ a lot of… Other out of character behaviour we saw in the ep.

Like. Just imagine if we’d had Fuwa recognising that his aggressive behaviour played a part in this (while I do have to admit that, after Okada’s explanation and seeing a more direct translation, it feels more like a blunder Fuwa would make if confronted w/ that situation, the fact that he was the only one Horobi asked, making it clear Horobi wanted to hear his answer, bc Horobi doesn’t ask, last him he did, he got tortured, only to be told ‘I’m here to destroy you’… Fuwa may not have meant it that way, but Horobi was not in a state where he’d be able to understand the nuance, and that def contributed to over-stressing him and then Izu’s pushing put him over the edge much easier), him recognising that and then trying to at least partially make it right, take a different approach, go to Horobi and try to back Raiden up on stuff. Like… How cool would that have been? Fuwa getting a moment of realising his reckless, angry, head-on style caused damage and contributed to this situation, so, bc he’s a human who can recognise that, he’s going to go to Horobi and address it. Fuwa allegedly learned that shooting first isn’t the best answer, it would have been really cool and effective to see him trying to take the time to impart that knowledge to someone else, to try and reel back and think and strategise. Maybe he could have tried to confront both of them.

(and then the other part of that scene… Was just… So painfully ooc…)

I mean, I know Aruto is the main character, but there’s a line between ‘this is the main character’ and… This. Like, if there was any clear recognition for Horobi’s suffering at all, this would have a different tone. One person’s suffering doesn’t make another person’s less. They could still focus on how Aruto is hurt while recognising what Horobi went through. But the fact that it’s to the point that they might have (I dunno, I heard this second hand, I don’t have any subs) only started trying to raise Jin to benefit Aruto, rather than focusing through reaching Horobi… Well, if that is the case, it very much gives the air of ‘oh, it’s all fine if we just ‘erase’ the human’s ‘crime!’’ And the idea that that would make Aruto killing Jin and Horobi having to watch him die ‘okay.’ It’s the same as not recognising Gai shooting Naki bc they ‘came back.’ The trauma is still there. Honestly, I half expect, if Izu gets brought back, the people would immediately be like ‘killing Jin (and Naki) wasn’t that bad bc they came back’ would immediately be like ‘oh poor Izu that must have been so traumatising for her.’

Okay, I’m being really harsh, I’m just really frustrated.

I really care about this series. Like, despite the fact that he can’t write character relationship development to save his life, Takahashi makes me fall in love w/ characters like no other. This cast has been such troopers, so stellar. I hold absolutely nothing against any of them. Igeta and Nakayama are legends and I’m proud of them.

I talk shit, but I know it’s just a tv show, I just get very emotional. And the fact is, Horobi (and esp his relationship w/ Fuwa) ended up becoming really important to me over the course of the show. HoroFuwa’s my first real… Well… It’s hard to explain, but they are like. My first ‘official’ otp. I’m not a big shipper, and I’ve struggled w/ the concept of romantic stuff in regards to my own identity in the past, I’ve always had a weird feeling of being ‘ashamed’ for thinking about that stuff. And it was HoroFuwa and a bloody kissing scene I wrote on new years that really just… It meant a lot to me, I feel like I became more comfortable w/ myself bc of them.

Which is totally not what you wanted on your Ask, sorry. ^^; I’m just trying to explain why I, personally, get so riled up. Ultimately, the show owes me nothing, I am nowhere near the target audience. But for someone whose depression often manifests as apathy… When I care, I care. So it’s… It’s been a ride. To say the least.

I’m sorry I went so off topic and personal. ^^’ Y’all didn’t come here for that, I know.

#Anonymous #Asks #Firebird Personal #Firebird Negativity #Spoilers #like… Horobi already did bad stuff under the Ark's control #he killed other HumaGear ForceRisered Jin…#having humans reach out to him despite all of it #recognising that he was also a victim #taking the time to help him and rehabilitate him and actually teach him about the difference between right and wrong and how to deal w/ it #bc Horobi knows how to identify human cruelty thanks to the Ark but he doesn't have any other frames of reference #he needs guidance and therapy #it would have been so cool to defy the Ark's malice and Gai's claims by saving Horobi from that influence…#but… no #that'd mean maybe letting a human be not Actually Good #and recognising that HumaGear should be aware of the capacity for good and 'evil' and have both #rather than them needing to be perfect loyal and loving angels who worship humans #sorry #bitter

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richie-against-onision · 5 years

Text

Onision’s toxicity issues

Manipulation - His target audience is teen girls. Usually during the start of teenage years, it’s a very hormonal time for most. Depression, suicidal thoughts, insecurity, etc. Most, if not all of these things kick in around puberty for most girls. And it sticks for years after. He takes damaged young girls and manipulates them into thinking that the thoughts and mental struggles they’re going through is something to be ashamed of, and something that isn’t normal. For example, he talks about mental illness like it’s not a big deal, by saying something along the lines of, “oh think of the starving kids in africa, you have it so much better. Your mental illness isn’t shit, because many people have it way worse.” By saying this, he is making these people feel ashamed, as well as making them blame themselves for what they’re feeling. Mental illness isn’t something that just goes away because someone has it worse. He doesn’t realize that the ability to feel grateful for what you have is still there, even with mental illness. Somehow he manipulates these young minds into thinking he’s this honest, kind, godlike human being. And that if you don’t like him or disagree with him, you are even more damaged, through the point of no return.

His “rate me”/fat vs skinny videos - As a former onision fan who is also on the chubbier side, I know this one all too well. As a 13-14 year old at the time, my appearance was very important to me. I used to watch these videos the most, because I was insecure with my body, and wanted to know if I was fat in other people’s eyes. I’d search his videos for body types that were similar to mine, and he would usually say it’s fat. After that I would always compare myself to the ones that he thought was attractive. This made me stop eating for days, and even when I wanted to eat I would stop myself. I continued to watch him, because I was convinced he was just being honest, and not mean at all. I did start eating again, but for some girls, it could get a lot worse, and possibly develop an eating disorder. Like I said, his target audience is damaged underaged girls, and through young teen years, one of the most important things to them is their appearance. These people could be doing the same thing I always did when I watched his videos. Insecurity at that age is very strong, and onision is only making it worse for them. Possibly to the point of self harm, or starving. He’s clever with words for people that age, still manipulating them into thinking he’s just being honest and straightforward, not offensive.

His abusive past and present - I don’t know much about this, but I know that a couple of his exes came forward and addressed some situations where Greg was being way too aggressive. I know that with Billie, he wanted to punish her for lying or something, so he told her to either get a tattoo that reads “im a liar” on it or be chained in the basement for a week. I forget the entire situation but it was something like that. With another ex, I heard that while they were having sex, he dragged her to the bathroom and shaved her head against her will. And if you watch a few videos of him with Lainey, you can see her flinch when he goes near her. You can also hear him interrupt her, and say mentally abusive things to her. He disguises his abuse with a “joking” voice, so that when she addresses that it hurt her feelings, he can say “oh it was a joke calm the fuck down.” There was a video of the two, and Greg was grabbing her wrist very hard. She started crying, and was saying “why am i crying for no reason?” I fully believe that onision is a domestic abuser. There are many signs of his and Lainey’s relationship that prove it. This could influence his audience to think that it’s completely ok to treat their spouse this way. Lainey has no personality, and is heavily influenced by Greg. He manipulated and abused her until she was broken, and had no mind of her own. He is a bad influence, and unfortunately he got to her before she realized what was happening. (Not to mention, she was 17 when they got together. Greg was 26. She has been dealing with the abuse from an older man for 7 years.)

(Here are the billie texts)

So those are three issues that stood out to me about Greg. If you’re an anti O page, please repost this.

#onision drama #onisionspeaks #onision hate #against onision #onision #anti onion man #anti onion boy #anti onision #anti o #anti o community #laineybot

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ckcker · 4 years

Text

Unpaid Intern

Watch, as eagle mistakes abandoned diaper for baby dall sheep carcass on video. Giggle, divided into thirds. Watch in a room that smells of must-see. An unrelaxed giggle, a well-placed giggle. Giggle for two.

Template: Eerie Light — an unrelaxed dreamer. Broken-hearted moobs, real under a giggle. Real and rancid as a crushed Peep between mattress and wall. Memories of a crushed Peep en route. Unglanced moobs of a dreamer. SNAFU of crushed Peep. Mold untold, heartpinged violence for an air-bulged dreamer. Thin sneeze of a repressed dreamer, pining for an evil attitude. FUBAR of indolence. Stare into a SNAFU and sprint at a reckoning.

The moobs are prepared for the group. The giggle is prepared for the moobs. Watching a story of the body.

The giggle is released.

On what the past several years of drifting have taught me. Fear can take up a lot of time, drifting has no built-in revelations. My unpaid internship. A long pause for no revelations. I would not want to watch a horror movie where the protagonist is already enlightened and so does not care if they live or die. No reason for an audience to follow along. But, good for the protagonist, that is a very mature mindset. When it comes the gore will feel very peaceful. As a young child walking with her mother says “hi” to me on the sidewalk and she walks by. I smile involuntarily and say “hello” back. The progression of knife-picked thoughts is, under this sudden sweetness, compressed and stowed. The child has ordered me to engage with the surroundings and respond and smile. I continue to walk home and for four of those five minutes continue to feel this way, reeling with the pleasant surprise. Shivering with the undreamt-of giggle.

Under such conditions did I find myself thinking of Rob somewhat rapidly as I turned the block of my apartment building; it felt like a moment to agitate some details. He was a hedonist of indeterminate sexuality and indeterminate politics. He had multiple young friends who were fond of wearing very specific t-shirts. He worked as an unpaid intern for a company with an indeterminate name, maybe, Personal Options? He had trouble explaining the tasks of this unpaid internship. He arrived at a term he made up that one notices him to believe is professional enough: Visual Indexer. He would say this in a way that communicated an unforeseen weakness to one day appear to others as “professional.” Beyond this tragic motive, there was no indication anywhere else that entering a realm of prepared hierarchies and the collection of strangers’ respect was at all an interest. He had the impulsive life pus flooding a young person who has that corrective obsession with the massacre of all infectious traditional boundaries. Often this had taken the form of the most cheerful defenestration. As if Rob and his friends regularly made the plan to collect any abandoned objects in the neighborhood of a certain base weight on their way back to our apartment complex and, come drink time, freely pirouette-launch the janky wares from the balcony.

The neighbors did not seem to care, how could I not be jealous, I was one pathetic moan too old to feel that form of relief. I touched the extreme upper bridge of my nose which was sore from having accidentally planted it at high speed on the top edge of my slightly angled-in laptop when reaching beyond it to grab a 4 x 6 photo of myself from my late teens. I thought it a good sign that I was so unconsciously prepared to pummel my face — could it mean that, when that liberating moment finally trembled my way, I would have 100% lack of regret in the irreversible ripening of my useless young flesh? I could only hope so. I could also only hope it was as irreversible a procedure as I had imagined it, I often needed to remind myself that I had absolutely no understanding of science. Indeed Rob’s friend Q.C. had once worn a black t-shirt with a graphic of a beretta on it and underneath it the writing, “ONE SIZE FITS ALL.” I could not know the tone with which he wore it. Rob was a Visual Indexer, I did find the term interesting. The 4 x 6 print of myself was one of many laying on my water-stained table. Portraits of myself at various ages, alone, printed at a very popular national pharmacy that also sold algae-encrusted vegan turmeric chips and had wine tastings every Friday from 5-7. Portraits at 16, 23, 25, 19, 26, 19, 21, I had the idea to tape them on my wall, sit against them with my eyes closed, and take photos of myself, to try to trace a timeline. I would close my eyes to perform that I was feeling deeply. In this photo of myself at 16, I had just a few questions about what is possible. In this photo of myself at 23, I am apparently cross-eyed. In this photo of myself at 19, a noticeable uptick in moobs.

One of Rob’s friends, Bianca (who once, in my presence, and against the seeming silent contract between Rob and his other friends, asked him how he had enough money to live alone when he didn’t make any money at his internship and had no other job, and to which Rob did not even try to respond but only left the room mimicking an animatronic Halloween decoration witch laugh) had told a story of her teen years where, emboldened by some older users in a chatroom she compulsively frequented, used to scream non-white racial slurs at white people shopping at Target and Kohl’s and yell “dyke” and “faggot” at hetero couples holding hands in the street. Though she told these anecdotes in a withdrawn and ashamed performance, she must have recognized how they might impress her group of friends who could only laugh at the altogether untraditional, societally unacceptable and, bottom line wacky behavior of their friend, who now seemed to be a reverent, committed radical anarchist that, when waiters weren’t looking, ate leftover food from plates less committed people abandoned at various restaurants. How would I ever save enough money to look peerless and decrepit? In this photo of myself at 21, a genuine smile, so wild it would seem I am kidding.

With some cheap make-up also bought at the pharmacy that had wine tastings, I had begun to stealthily repair my thriving fat eyebrows with highlights of white, probably only noticeable to me but done in the hopes that the powerful undertone would inch towards a different reception of my face when it was in conversation. “Nice to meet you” the young video director had said to the middle-aged CEO, they shook hands and the CEO said, “it’s nice to be met.” Upon being introduced to Bianca one afternoon — despite my control system being against the idea of leaving my eremitic pouch, increasingly I found myself accepting invitations to Rob’s apartment — I had carefully prepared these brows blanched in the white of the faintest melting snowflake and so felt just a smidge-stain more futurist and directed. Just one look at my altered face and people could conclude, “there is nothing different” though I hoped for, “there is nothing different?” Bianca had looked at my face, I assumed she had never seen it before, we shook hands and her grip was severe. Her face smiled. Perhaps one of these elements was meant as a distraction from the other. There was no comment from Bianca or even lingering-and-falling eye pointed towards my one-sixty-forth-assed aging attempt. Though he was not there that day, I surprised myself by pulling up badly remembered thoughts of Q.C., as Bianca and Rob discussed the new urban development of a neighborhood that was a couple miles away. I thought I had remembered the shape of his face and at least the shade of brown in his eyes. But inevitably, my attempts to display a likeness in my mind were shaved down, and major facial characteristics uncontrollably replaced with the swiftly recalled appearance of a now-grown-and-unsuccessful child star I never had the option not to know or recognize. I thought, ‘the more I see of Q.C. the more I will be able to remember of him when I am alone.’ Such projects brought their own gore, pah, the gore of worry, the worry I will be derailed. It wasn’t my place to let myself get in the way of my own revenge. The most grotesque escape. This is the strategy, sadness reappears as logistics.

I was not here to re-engage the viability of my young-ish body for the scarfing of others, I was here to become a vibe-threatening vision of near-death for the rest of my burgeoning life and also I was here to watch the yearly romantic elder comedy starring actresses and actors such as Meryl Streep and Jack Nicholson. I was just bent by the way his shoulders filled out the black t-shirt with a beretta on the front, when glanced at with his face turned away. There is no choice but to notice. “A new condo with several stories is being built just down the block from where I am taking improv classes,” Bianca tells us. “And next to it I think there’s going to be some big retail store with a giant parking lot.” “Ok,” Rob suggests, “let’s just say ‘that’s fucked up’ and continue.”

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camillemontespan · 5 years

Text

lost stars [AU. drake, camille, leo and olivia] [part ten: chanel]

Part Nine here if you want to catch up.

Penultimate chapter!

@jovialyouthmusic @sirbeepsalot @pug-bitch @moonlightgem7 @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore @drakewalkerisreal @i-bloody-love-drake-walker @emceesynonymroll @dcbbw @notoriouscs @themingdynasty @iplaydrake @katedrakeohd @rainbowsinthestorm @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @burnsoslow

Olivia woke up feeling well rested. She stretched out and yawned gently, enjoying the plump pillows and the sounds of Paris outside her window.

The sound of water turning off in the bathroom broke her out of her reverie.

Oh god. She had forgotten.

The bathroom door opened and Olivia pulled the duvet over her, hiding herself from her big mistake.

‘Liv? Are you hiding from me?’

She felt herself blush. She kept the duvet over her, not caring that she couldn’t breathe well. She deserved punishment.

The duvet was dragged from her and she turned away, keeping her eyes tight shut.

‘Liv.’

Sighing, she opened her eyes and was greeted with Leo. He was wearing only a towel around his waist and his blonde hair was slicked back from the shower. Droplets of water trickled down his biceps and Olivia resisted the urge to pounce on him. She had done enough of that last night.

‘Hi, Leo,’ she said bluntly. Leo smirked. ‘Regretting last night?’

‘That’s one word to describe it. Currently re-assessing my life decisions.’

Leo chuckled, unfazed by her hostility. He dropped the towel and Olivia averted her eyes, staring at her hands as he padded around the bedroom picking up his clothes.

‘Liv, you know you want to look,’ he teased.

‘Don’t flatter yourself,’ she muttered.

‘What was it you said last night? That I was huge?’

‘Ha!’ she laughed bitterly, now looking at him. ‘I was drunk.’

‘Hardly. Plus, yeah you’re right. I am huge.’

Olivia rolled her eyes. She hated how he was just casually strolling around her suite naked, like it was his right. This was her abode. This was her space.

She tossed the duvet aside, determined, and slunk out of bed. Leo stared at her naked body as she walked to the bathroom, her hips swinging as she went. As she opened the bathroom door, she looked over her shoulder at him. His eyes were steady on her, turning dark. She gave him a smirk and slowly shut the door.

Standing under the shower head, she closed her eyes as the water cascaded down her body in sheets. She could just pretend that Leo wasn’t in the next room. She could pretend last night hadn’t happened.

They had gotten off the bus in the centre of the city and had gone their separate ways. It was only when Leo texted Olivia asking her to meet him for a drink that night that she thought it would be nice to have company. Why not?

Big mistake.

Huge.

Speaking of huge.. Olivia swallowed, trying to forget about everything he had done to her last night. But she couldn’t. She had felt like a lion let loose. He had encouraged her to just be wild and free and she had done it. She had taken control, riding him hard, and when she thought she was done, Leo had taken over. He was relentless.

‘Thinking of me, huh?’

Olivia’s eyes snapped open and she instantly stopped touching herself.

Leo had opened the shower door and was watching her, a smirk on his face as his eyes roamed her body before settling on the space between her thighs.

Olivia couldn’t think of an answer. He would know she was lying if she said no.

‘Let me help you,’ he murmured. Olivia stood back and watched as he let himself into the shower. The water poured down his golden skin and Olivia felt her body react. He looked like a Greek god come to life.

Leo’s hands slid down her chest, cupping her breasts, trailing down her stomach, getting lower and lower. Olivia held in a groan, not wanting to show she was enjoying this. She didn’t want to let him win.

But when his fingers slid into her, she knew she was beaten.

*******************************************************************

'So shall we head to Maxims for breakfast? I tell you, they do a fantastic Bloody Mary if I do say so myself,' Leo said, opening the hotel door for Olivia.

Olivia turned and gave him a withering look. 'No. You are not becoming my little companion while I live my best life in Paris. No.'

'Ooh so this morning was part of your best life, huh?' Leo asked, his eyebrow raised. Olivia turned red, cursing herself silently.

'No. Everything when you leave me alone is my best life,' she protested. 'So, Leo, please leave me alone so I can worship the goddess that is Chanel.'

Leo's mouth quirked up in the corner. Gently, he pushed her up against the wall. Olivia took a sharp intake of breath.

'I believe you've been worshipped this morning all ready,' he murmured. 'No other worshipping is necessary.'

Olivia pushed him away. 'Good God, Leo! What a line! Seriously?'

Leo smirked. 'Ah fine, not my best work. Let me try again.'

'No.'

'Livvv..' He sighed. He looked at her with a brooding expression. His green eyes bore into hers. 'Let me treat you to Chanel. I want you to be dripping in jewels by the time I'm done with you.'

Olivia stared at him.

Leo smirked. 'Too much?'

'What gave that away?'

He threw his head back and let out a bellow of a laugh. His eyes crinkled at the corners and he looked genuinely happy. Olivia felt herself smile in spite of herself.

'Fine, Liv. That was cheesy. But hey, let me buy you a Chanel lipstick. It's the least I can do.'

Olivia groaned but she let him take her arm as he led her down the street. They stopped in front of a Vespa. Leo took out a key and turned on the ignition.

Olivia backed away. 'I am not getting on that death trap.'

'I've got a helmet for you, you'll be safe.'

'I don't care, sitting on that is a death wish!'

Leo leaned against the scooter. 'But Chanel calls your name..'

'I can get a fucking taxi,' she hissed. Leo looked down at the ground, hiding his smile.

'Liv, this is fast, you'll get there in no time. I promise I'm a safe driver. Also, you get to wrap your arms around me and I just know you're dying to do that.'

Olivia's eyes flashed. He continued to watch her until she gave an exasperated groan. 'Fine! But only because I want to get there quickly.'

She took the other helmet and got on the scooter. Leo slung himself over and got the scooter ready to move off.

'Now, Olivia, remember. I'm driving the vehicle so no sudden urges to jump my bones, okay?' he said, mock seriously. 'Safety first.'

*************************************************

Camille snuggled up next to Drake as they drank their morning coffees. The past couple of days had been bliss, that was the only word to describe this. Mornings passed in a cloud of coffee, pancakes, sex and laughter. Nights welcomed secrets shared under the cover of darkness, hands constantly touching, bodies together, until they fell into an undisturbed slumber.

Camille was happy. Finally, it felt like everything had slotted into place.

Drake was playing absentmindedly with a lock of her hair, twirling it around his finger. 'Can I ask you something?' he said nervously.

'Sure, what is it?'

He cleared his throat and turned to properly face her. Camille's heart began to beat a little faster. He looked so serious.

'It's Wednesday,' he told her. 'I have my AA meeting today and it's kind of an important one. You see, I've hit six months sobriety and I have to make a speech.. Would you like to come with me? Friends and family are welcome so you don't need to feel awkward and it would mean a lot if you could be there, somehow your face makes everything a little brighter for me and I don't feel so ashamed of it..'

He was rambling now, scared she would say no.

Camille grabbed his hands, silencing him. 'Drake, I would love to see your speech. I want to support you.'

Of course she did. Why had he thought she would say no? She had been so understanding when he told her about his addiction in the first place.

She clapped her hands excitedly. 'That's amazing you've hit six months! Do I need to dress up? Is it like an awards ceremony? Can I cheer when you finish your speech?'

Drake chuckled. 'No need to dress up, honestly. But yeah, you can cheer! I like that!'

*************************************************

Camille had made an effort to dress up anyway. She had chosen a silk grey cami, black cigarette trousers and black Manolo heels. She wanted to look good for him.

She sat down with the other guests of the AA meeting, her eyes studying the room. Drake and the other AAs were sat in rows in front, side on so she could see his profile, and a small stage was set up. A table with sandwiches and orange juice was laid out to make the meeting feel less cold, more welcoming.

The AA leader, Kathy, stood up and began to speak but Camille could only focus on Drake. She felt an overwhelming sense of pride. How could she feel so strongly about him after only knowing him for a short time?

'Now, one of our members has been incredible and has reached the six month target,' Kathy said. 'He is always the one who encourages his peers to be honest and I think I speak for everyone here that it is a pleasure to see him every Wednesday. Please welcome on stage, Drake Walker!'

The room clapped, Camille more so. She let out a whoop and ignored the people who turned to stare at her.

Drake smiled as he took the microphone. 'Thank you, Kathy,' he began. Clearing his throat, he looked out to the audience but his eyes met Camille's. He focused on her as he began to speak.

'Before I began attending these meetings, I was a mess. An absolute mess. I was depressed, I felt worthless and felt like my life was going nowhere. I used whiskey as a crutch, to the point where it was the only liquid I drank. This went on for about four months and I entered a really dark place. '

He was quiet for a moment, considering his words. 'My girlfriend at the time was really supportive. Hell, she got rid of my secret stash which she found in my wardrobe and poured it down the sink. She told me she couldn't watch me kill myself. She kept me on the straight and narrow, but I always felt guilty. Yes, I still drink beer but I don't touch the hard stuff, but any time we were in social situations, I could just tell she was worried I would turn to whiskey. She couldn't relax and I constantly felt guilty. Like a burden. We're over now. '

The room was silent. Drake bit his lip but continued, his voice clear and steady.

'I've met someone new,' he said, smiling softly. The audience smiled with him. 'She's great, really great. When we started our.. relationship - we haven't defined it yet but let's just call it that, heh- it was messy. It was really messy and I began to feel tempted to reach for the whiskey.'

Camille blanched. He hadn't told her that before. Drake's eyes were trained on hers, begging her to stay with him for this. 'I felt like an asshole. So many times I wanted to buy a bottle but I'd stop myself because of Camille. That's her name, my girl. I didn't want to treat her the same way I treated my ex. I didnt want her to feel on edge and I didn't want her to see me at my worst. She already knew about my AA meetings and she never judged me for my problem and she never treated me like a child. She just accepted it. Honestly, she's incredible and I don't want to lose that. She helped me in so many ways to deal with the past few months, just by being there. She got me through a dark point and she isn't even aware of it. Seriously, I can see her face now, she looks shocked. '

The audience turned to follow Drake's eyes and they saw Camille, who's eyes were wide and fixed on Drake.

'So I've reached six months of not touching the hard stuff and honestly, I'm not touching it again. Why would I want to numb myself when everytime I see her face, I feel happy? I feel worthy. I feel calm. So, thank you Camille. You saw me for myself. I'm going to keep on this path and I can't promise it will be easy, hell it will be tough, but I'm finally feeling positive. I want to reach 12 months and just keep going from there. I have to keep at this. I will keep at this. I've only just gotten started.'

He was blushing now. He'd said too much. He had definitely freaked her out.

Camille gave him a wide smile and began to cheer, just as she said she would. Drake felt relief. Everyone in the room followed her lead and Drake gave an awkward wave. Camille stood up, her eyes shining as she clapped enthusiastically.

When the AAs went to join their families, Drake slowly walked up to Camille with a hesitant expression on his face.

'So..' He started.

Camille blushed and took his hand. She looked up into his eyes and gave him a smile that caused her eyes to crinkle up in the corners. 'You're amazing,' she whispered.

He shuffled on his feet awkwardly. 'Sorry I drew attention to you there. Got carried away.'

Camille shook her head and pressed a kiss to his lips. 'You said everything you needed to, Drake. I.. I really like this relationship we have too. You make me happy.'

Drake grinned at the word 'relationship'. There. It was defined.

******************************************

Leo bought Olivia a Chanel lipstick.

When they left the store, Leo suggested they hang out and have a Paris adventure. Olivia agreed - it was the least she could do after he bought her Chanel lipstick. His scooter was left parked, as Olivia refused to get back on it.

They went to Maxims for Bloody Mary's then ended up at the Tuileries where they sat by the fountain and made a game out of people watching.

They wandered to the Louvre but both announced 'Fuck that!' when they saw the line to get in so they walked aimlessly, ducking into boutiques and bars as they went. They drank Old Fashioned’s in Harry’s Bar, the haunt of Ernest Hemingway and Coco Chanel herself, and they stumbled outside when the sun was beginning to set, casting a rose glow over the buildings.

As they wandered back to Olivia’s hotel, she couldn’t help but think how.. nice this was. They were chatting easily, laughing. She had gradually opened up to him as the day had gone by, just accepting he was going to keep pushing her to let go.

They reached her hotel front door.

‘Today was actually not that bad,’ Olivia admitted. Leo grinned, looking genuinely pleased.

‘I’m a fun guy. Every day is good with me.’

She kicked the ground with her heel and looked at him, biting her lip. ‘Do you.. want to come in for a nightcap?’

He looked past her into the hotel then back to her. ‘I need to pick up my Vespa,’ he told her. ‘Since someone wouldn’t ride back on it.’

She reddened, embarrassed that she had even asked. Why had she even asked him to join her for a drink? He saw her flush and gave her a soft smile.

‘But I can always park up outside here..’

Olivia tried not to look pleased. ‘I’ll see you at the hotel bar in thirty minutes then.’

‘Get a bottle of champagne,’ he told her. Olivia nodded and turned to open the door but was stopped by Leo catching her by the arm.

‘And tell the bartender we’ll have it in your room.’

#drake walker #trr fanfic #cake #the royal romance #lost stars #olivia nevrakis

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illegiblewords · 5 years

Text

Some thoughts on critique and sharing work online.

Personally taking offense to the practice of critiquing strangers is pretty destructive imo. I’m not talking about useless insults, or about entitled critics who throw fits if an author doesn’t tailor their work to them. I’m not even talking about the process of sifting through a mean comment to find a shred of something useful.

I developed my own work in part through kind and supportive critics who started off as strangers. A bunch of them have become good friends even to this day, over ten years later. One who I lost contact with (but still remember clearly and am eternally grateful toward) was a guy who commented that I was neglecting setting and physical description in my work. He told me he could see I had talent, but missing that element was a big earmark of fanfic writers. Understandable, but pushing myself to address it would be worthwhile.

He’d never had a single conversation with me before. What he said has played a huge part in how my work has developed. He granted me an opportunity to grow as a creator that without him, I might not have noticed to practice.

I also witnessed, at the time, people who got nasty and discouraging as basic course against budding writers. I was aware that pleasing those critics was a kind of accomplishment because if they didn’t like something they wouldn’t hesitate to say so, but I didn’t and still don’t think that behavior is right for new writers. Or in-general, really.

I’ve had people insult my own work in some really ugly ways, mostly to my face. My writing was compared to mud, called gimmicky, described as (paraphrasing to avoid possible ID) something gratuitous and empty and cheap. The most extreme of these cases were done by professors in front of entire classes during college. I’ve had professors threaten to fail me when I asked for clarification on a critique (how do you shorten a piece when you add content to it?) and I’ve had people I thought were friends so discourage me on the potential of my projects that I just dropped them. Sometimes it got bad to the point that I honestly questioned whether I had any talent and felt deeply ashamed of my work. I’ve won awards since (which ngl real validating right there) and am still working to overcome the worst baggage.

I truly understand how discouraging feedback like that can be. It’s hard, and sometimes it sucks a lot, but as storytellers I believe we have some responsibility to our craft, to ourselves, and to our audiences. It requires being able to step back and ask ourselves honestly what feedback has a kernel of something useful and what is just mean and should be discarded. There is a level of self-possession you just need to own for the sake of what you’re attempting, to know your intent in both making and sharing your work. To judge whether or not you’re meeting that. And if being clear and resonating (at least more often than not) with our audiences is a priority, we need to be willing to “cut up our babies” so to speak so that we can share our ideas as well as we possibly can.

It can be scary to share something you’ve made online. This goes for people just starting and veterans. It’s especially true in current year. I’ve personally seen creators get harassed into suicide attempts by cybermobs numbering in the hundreds. In some of the cases I witnessed, cybermob members even got arrested for this. The phenomenon, which is remarkably prone to targeting creators struggling with mental illness or “model minorities”, is absolutely horrifying and unacceptable. Even if the targets had been bigoted assholes (they weren’t), the cybermobs still would have been the bigger evil.

From a disgruntled audience member standpoint, if someone commits a crime online they need to be reported to the authorities. Not subject to the will of a mob. If someone writes, draws, or otherwise presents something insensitive and personally offensive--you can voice your criticism, but that work has the right to exist too. And rather than try to control another person if they aren’t interested in adjusting, you would be better off not engaging them. Make something of your own and celebrate creators who do fit what you’re looking for.

Cybermobs are not normal critique, but they are more prevalent than normal critique these days. We are currently in a time where people don’t know how to have conversations about ways to improve without personally attacking or outright threatening each other. This goes for those giving and receiving critique. It’s caused some massive problems and has led to many creators being afraid to even try, let alone share their work.

Having someone who respects and believes in your writing, who wants to watch you continue growing, and who won’t begrudge you choosing to discard their advice? That only presents an opportunity to creators for honest insight.

People get scared to offer critique too--especially if they sincerely want to help a creator they respect. Writers can be very sensitive and defensive. How could it be otherwise when you put so much heart into your work and someone tells you a way you can do it more effectively? It’s easy to treat that person like they’re trying to hurt or discourage you, when in reality it’s that they see you building something with an inefficient tool and know another tool that would work better for what you’re trying to make.

Critics are just people. They take their own risks when they execute craft.

We desperately do need to practice healthy critique in storytelling today, as creators and audience members. It used to be common for people to simply say “no critique please!” if they weren’t interested, which was generally respected. To instead try to shift things so that any person who dares approach a stranger with constructive criticism is doing something rude or immoral I think is not just counterproductive but potentially toxic harmful toward writing communities.

#storytime with urban lol #started this a while ago decided to post after all

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