#that it cannot possibly be worth waking up to have to experience this again lol

[aerodaltonimperial]

As I lay in bed at 8 PM, covered in hot, painful, stinging hives, having weathered urgent care, another ear infection, three screaming tantrums, and an entire day absolutely lost to errands and family activities, I am just... well first of all trying to figure out WHAT FUCKING THING I ATE TO TRIGGER THIS FUCKING REACTION but also I am remembering one of my ESL students who once emailed me to tell me she wouldn't be in class and the reason was "I am not very today" and nothing has ever felt more correct than that sentence.

#please let me die #because this is so miserable #that it cannot possibly be worth waking up to have to experience this again lol #please #i am not very today

[korodere]

kamukomahina gender/body headcanons

a bit of a ramble about my body, gender, and general appearance headcanons for them bcuz someone sent me a curiouscat prompting this 3k words of hyperfixation nonsense

Komaeda:

- He has a naturally lithe body, with a thin waist, broad shoulders and hips, which give him an hourglass. and a rather andrognyous body, which is "lucky" for him, because I hc him as nonbinary and gender non-conforming

- Gender-wise, as I said, I think he's nonbinary. Usually I do view Nagito as AMAB but I indulge in transmasc Nagito from time to time depending on my preference and how much I wish to uh, well, project, lol. But either way I think he would use he/they pronouns in a western sense. In japanese, however, they don't use third person pronouns that other people refer to them with, and in canon he uses the first person pronoun "boku", which is a "soft" masculine pronoun, in comparison to the "hard" masculine pronoun, “ore” (which Hajime uses btw!) which fits quite nicely, in my opinion! Also, in Japanese, you can be 'fluid' with your first person pronouns depending on the situation, so I think he could use more neutral or feminine pronouns should he desire it, too, to play on his gender non-conformity.

- Komaeda is very secure in his gender, regardless of being AMAB or AFAB. He does not care about stigma, or discrimination, he does not care about being "accepted" by broader society. Broader society is sort of meaningless to him, the average person and their ideas about gender and presentation and effeminity mean NOTHING to him. Whether or not a random person the street genders him correctly or treats him with respect is sort of, pointless? Because to him, most ordinary people are pointless nobodies. Their thoughts do not matter to him. I think he is still prone to insecurity, however, when around his "betters" but I just struggle to think he would degrade himself in regards to gender. to him, it's the least of his problems. what he cares about is hope and talent. He could dress femininely or wear makeup or straight up crossdress and not mind it, really. He thinks people would find a problem with it are the problem, because why does it even matter? It speaks to the way Komaeda is detached from societal norms & "normal" people, he did not grow up in normal circumstances, so he doesn't interact with the world normally by any means. he can mask and act normally to the best of his ability, often unintentionally?, but he simply does not fit into broader society and doesn't seek to.

- Komaeda loses weight really easily, and doesn't gain weight that well. This is mainly due to his many illnesses but also the medications he's been put on. He has a low appetite and burns weight rather easily, even though I headcanon that he eats like garbage (mainly junk food & takeout, since he obviously cannot cook). This makes him overall, health wise, not very healthy, and stick thin because of it. A stiff breeze could knock him over, tbh.

- He has a lot of faded scars, self-inflicted or not.

- Pre-despair (in HPA) he is fairly healthy but still lithe, and progressively his body deteriorates through his 2 years of hopes peak before the Tragedy begins.

- During the Tragedy itself, his body is at it's worst. he is almost nothing but bone at times, barely kept together by a need to live so he can see hope triumph. His weight fluctuates but he's very unhealthy. He's not anorexic or on death's door, but he's not well off, either.

- After being put into the neo world program, right after waking up, he's very, very thin and gaunt. he was in a pod on feeding tubs for an indiscernible but at least probably a month's worth of time? So he's just very weak, like he could collapse if he moves too quickly.

- But a while after waking, he goes into remission, and starts to gain more healthy habits due to being rehabilitated and cared for by Hinata, and gains some weight, finally at a healthy, normal weight. I still think he would struggle with putting on too much weight, but I am slightly fond of the idea that he gets a bit of healthy pudge after a while. To him, it's so foreign being healthy, that he honestly think something's wrong with him at first.

Hinata:

- Hinata has a very... average body, true to form. His hips and waist aren't too pronounced but he has a loosely "hourglass" shape, too, just not as exaggerated as Komaeda's in comparison.

- Gender-wise, I am EXTREMELY fond of transmasc Hinata. While I think I portray AMAB Hinata more than transmasc Hinata (in art and writing), I still firmly prefer transmasc Hinata. The reason I think portray otherwise more is just out of comfortability, but I've been getting better at comfortably portraying FTM Hinata. I have some reasons I prefer it and think you can extrapolate it from canon, but let's get into that

- Hinata, in my eyes, has an arc and story that fits perfectly into him just. Being trans. His desire to be someone else, someone better, someone he can proud of, and the way he overcompensates for himself and has an extreme inferiority complex would easily lend to him having similar feelings about his gender. To me, Hinata is a trans man who overperforms his masculinity out of insecurity and a need to pass. I see him as someone who would strictly use "he/him" in a western sense, which is lended to by his use of the "ore" pronoun in canon, which is almost hypermasculine.

- Even if he were AMAB, I think it still works, I think he's still someone who's insecure and tries to assert himself more strongly and therefore performs masculinity in a way to appear more confident than he is.

(side note: I actually read a bit about queerness in Japan and how it relates to gender performance and the use of pronouns, and read a bit about how queer women in japan tend to use "boku" and "ore" to perform masculinity, which I find neat. “Ore” was also sometimes used exclusively to show anger and dominance, which is why it's categorized as a "rough" pronoun. I think Japanese language, gender, and expression, and how those all relate to one another, are extremely interesting and if you get the time you should read about it lol)

- Body-wise, pre-despair, I think Hinata would. not have top surgery, obviously. I think he has a fairly average but leaning a little on the hefty side chest (pre-op) and binds it, hence the '91 cm' (but also he still has 91 cm post-op because bazongas). I also just think he leans on the "twunk" side of things at this point, not buff but not stick thin or without muscle, just kind of average with average strength and all, though I think Hinata would've tried to do sports and stuff to find his talent so he's in shape :)

- My personal, kind of amusing, but also kind of... thematical? Headcanon, is that during the Kamukura project, he also underwent gender transition. to be honest, while it may not make sense in modern Japan, I think we can suspend our disbelief for fiction, and also make the argument that Hinata's "transition" into Kamukura CAN be read, in some part, as relatable or at least familiar to the trans experience. Iit is not out of the realm of possibility, either, to assume that because many bits of society in Danganronpa are advanced (specifically science, is extremely ahead of our understanding, almost sci-fi like at times) certain attitudes about gender and sexuality can be smoothed over more in a Japanese context.

(side note: I also think that science-wise, we can suspend our disbelief, and assume that top surgery and bottom surgery are much more advanced in this universe, given the almost unbelievable levels of science in Danganronpa, such as memory wipe, mind control, completely realistic virtual simulation, um literally everything about Kamukura which is body modification and brain modification to an extreme, etc. I think it's kind of fitting within these to assume that... Hinata/Kamukura could just, gain a functioning penis, lol)

Kamukura:

- Kamukura would have a. "Perfect" body. it's stated, I'm pretty sure, that they modified not only his brain but his body, because he needs to be able to perform every talent under their belt with ease, and his strength, instincts, technique, are all superhuman. So it's clear to me he'd have a buff body. toned muscles and all. He wouldn't really feel a need to keep it up, though, but I think since they're very... artificial (basically fucking steroids?) they wouldn't fade from a lack of keep-up.

- Kamukura also rarely ever is injured, but when he does, his body heals rather fast and can care for himself adequately, because again, his body is modified to a point of almost inhumanity.

- Gender wise, Kamukura genuinely does not care. however, I am not one to think that Kamukura is "a different person" from Hinata, rather, he is separate from Hinata, but an extension of Hinata as well, proven that he experiences some of his emotions even if subconsciously and without understanding them. he isn't a different personality or person developed in Hinata's body, but a very traumatizing, repressed, and manipulated version of Hinata given a new name, with memories repressed. He's like Theseus's ship in human form---if you get rid of everything that makes someone themselves and replace it, bit by bit, is it the same person? Technically, yes, but... truly? Who knows. 

Because of this, I think Kamukura would have a leaning toward masculine gender performance (in canon, in fact, he uses the soft masculine pronoun "boku" in stead of "ore" like Hinata) BUT I think he is still very nonbinary. In a western sense, i think he would use he/they pronouns, but not really care if someone mistook him for a woman, I suppose.

- His appearance, unironically, is very nonbinary or "he/they" to me because he's wearing a suit, the archetypal form of masculinity, but has extremely long hair, which is considered feminine, and speaks softly (dully). Of course, the bishounen "pretty boy" appearance isn't uncommon or considered less masculine in japan, I think, but there is still a different between soft masculinity and rough masculinity in japan, which lends itself to being interpreted sort of gender non-conforming by western audiences :)

- Kamukura, due to his apathy, struggles with self-maintaining, but as we all probably know i am extremely attached to KamuKoma and thus headcanon that Servant helps him, sort of like a royal servant would royalty in the old days, take care of himself by bathing him, brushing his hair out, grooming him, etc. partially out of duty, partially out of appreciation for Kamukura's body, and partially out of maintaining his sort of "perfect" look since Kamukura, especially post-Junko death, is perceived widely by the public as the new leader of the ultimate despair, even if he is ambivalent to such a title.

Post-DR3 Hinata/Kamukura combined:

As I rambled on about previously, I don't think that Kamukura and Hinata are separate people or personality, I really dislike the interpretation that they are like a "split personality" or operate like DID, because they do not "form" like DID, but also in canon, are not portrayed as separate people.

In post-dr3, Hinata instead says that he is both of them, because he is. Kamukura is Hinata, always was, but had been given a new, false identity, had been stripped of his previous self, his memories, his personality, and crafted into something new. but that did not "split" his brain into two people. It simply repressed who he once was, and made him someone he now was. But when Kamukura regains his memories, his past self, through the means of the new world program by restoring his own memories after SDR2 concludes and he wakes up, as well as doing the same for everyone else, he decides to be "Hajime Hinata" who he always was, but carrying and shouldering the weight of what "Izuru Kamukura" had been, become, and done. Hinata *is* Kamukura, he answers for Kamukura's wrongdoings, his crimes, as something he had done as a different person who's mind operated differently, due to being artificially suppressed, modified, into an apathetic tool for the scientists who made him, and later and aimless, bored individual who simply sought meaning he did not have in the unknown of what despair would be at it's climax. And if hope could overcome it.

As such, I think, when Hinata's self is brought back into the mix, and he now deals with Kamukura's apathy and boredom in part, but much less consuming and much less often, I think hinata is less staunchly "masculine", does not overperform it anymore, and is trying to understand what his past means to him, what his present is, and what his future will be. I think that Hinata would still primarily use he/him (or still use "ore" in Japanese, as it's also a means of his personality, which is a bit rough around the edges and blunt), but be more ambivalent to rigid gender expression, still finding comfort and idealness in masculinity, but not be made dysphoric or feel frightened, uncomfortable, with non-comformity or anything like that. being boyish, masculine, is what he enjoys, but he's comfortable in it now, doesn't need to prove himself or overperform it. He can explore nonconformity without feeling like his gender or masculinity is at threat, even if it's not his preference outright.

Body-wise, I think it's safe to say he retains Kamukura's muscle and all, but Kamukura didn't put much effort into the everyday machinations of being a human being in general, and Hinata is much more fond of food than him now, eats more often, and I enjoy the idea that he gains a little pudge and has a kind of "dad bod" almost, post-DR3? lol.

Both for Hinata and Kamukura I don't see their bodies as “bara” or overly buff, masculine, but a kind of comfortable middle ground between twunk and hunk, lmao. I think they're also averagely hairy, not overly so, very lightly. kind of well groomed, and all. Hinata, pre-despair, put not so much effort into his appearance but still some, especially in trying to pass. (In fact I think his hair cut looks like a home job, all choppy and stuff, which fits him in my opinion, something done by his own hands even if messy and imperfect, he still prefers to be in control of it. also fits the trans headcanon tehe).

Izuru put very little if any effort into himself, only the bare minimum necessary to function, but servant helped him upkeep it to a perfect standard. Hinata, post-dr3 now, finds himself putting you know, an average amount of care into himself and his body, enough to be healthy, but not overly critical and conscious of himself.

Komaeda i have always seen as someone who takes a good deal of care about himself, merely if to alleviate the "disgust" of his appearance and body, by practically preening himself. He is someone who is good at cleaning and seems to appreciate clean and well kept spaces, so I think he would have a similar attitude toward himself. even if he is insecure, and of course, struggles with mental health and may slip at times in his routine in keeping himself well-kept, I think he still maintains an appearance for the most part, at least in his later years (teen to young adult). An argument can be made that he cared less in his adolescence because he had much more apathy about the world, but when he gave himself a purpose with hope and talent, I think he would care for himself a little better, even if his was spiralling mentally.

His hair is always washed, it is just very curly and prone to mess, so it often looks like perpetual bedhead, even when he combs and brushes it. His skin is soft even if a little worn by his tendency for accidents & injury, it's still soft and almost luckily so, and he takes pride in moisturizing and cleaning himself. His skin is a little sickly, still, and I think that despite having blemishes, scars, etc. Komaeda manages to look pretty in a strange way, not conventionally beautiful, but almost ethereal? He's just *pretty*, there's no way to explain it, he is nice to look at even with all his "flaws" and imperfections. Even when he's sickly and bony, even when his cheeks are gaunt or his hands shaky and weak, when his hair is a tangled mess or his clothes are dirty, he's nice to look at in a way that's nonconventional, and it's sort of mesmerizing.

Hinata I think is very average but also in a way that's nice to look at it. He's not ground-breaking hot or conventionally attractive, he has a good body, a nice face, and hair you could play with a little if you wanted. I think what's appealing about him is his normalcy, he's not trying too hard or "gifted" gene wise, but he's just kinda nice to look at, he's enjoyable to be around, an understanding person, or at least tries to be even when he fails, and despite having flaws, insecurities, blunt, he is someone you're drawn to because he's one of those people that's just, easy to talk to? An emotional anchor, almost. The kind of guy everyone kind of knows and has talked to at least once, even if you're not friends with him personally, not because he's cool or popular or anything, but because he's a normal dude who's easy to trust and talk to.

Kamukura, on the other hand, is intimidating, appearance wise and personality wise. he looks, strange, anything but normal, his eyes are red and his hair is this dark cloud that envelops him. His face may still be that plain one Hinata has but faces can be changed by the surrounding attributes as well as expression and such is true for him, with his apathetic and cold expression as well as otherwordly characteristics, he comes off as much more beautiful in a dark way, kind of? In a way that's intimidating or a little daunting, but he's still very beautiful. mesmerizing.

okay, thats my ramble. ty.

#nagito komaeda #hajime hinata #izuru kamukura #komahina #kamukoma #headcanons #my headcanons #kota.txt

[aminiatureworld]

Musings of Thanatos

Characters: Zhongli, gn!reader

Word Count: 1,640

Warnings: Suicidal ideation, in depth conversation surrounding death

Premise: In which the reader doesn’t want to grow old.

Author’s Note: I’m going to reiterate that this is a fic talking about death and a character that, regardless of capacity, actively wishes to die young. I hope that for some people this fic can bring catharsis but if you aren’t sure that you can handle this then please don’t read it. I know that it can be like “lol I can read it” when the back half of your brain is screaming at you not to. This time you should listen to that part of your brain. I am not going to pretend that this doesn’t have the potential to be incredibly triggering. Not only if you experience suicidal ideation but if you’re afraid of death. I think it might cause a very visceral reaction.

And if you feel similarly to the reader then let me tell you, I understand. I can understand the future being completely terrifying, I can understand not wanting to stick around. But though I understand I still urge you to give the future a chance. Happiness might only come in glimpses now, but I promise it will come again in the future. There are moments in life that are euphoric, and everything except death can be changed.

That being said, I hope whoever’s reading this can find something out of this fic. Please enjoy

Zhongli

“Zhongli, do you ever wish you were mortal?”

The day was a lazy one in Liyue, the calm after the storm. Glaze lilies waved gently in the breeze. Soon they would show their petals, gently gracing the evening with their presence before once again closing their buds to the sun. Then again, these were only the glaze lilies that had managed to survive. The others has disappeared slowly, becoming more and more rare. You had only seen one real glaze lily once. It was gone after a day.

“I suppose I’ve never thought of it my love. I cannot really imagine a mortal life. I suppose it would have some advantages. Yet I think everything has their place in the world. I would make a poor mortal as I am now.”

“If you say so.”

“Why do you ask?”

He was beautiful, your lover. Even now, having seen the rise and fall of kingdoms, not a strand of hair on his head was shot through with grey. Of course time had wrought change on him; even from standing far away there was an aura about him that was somewhat untouchable. If fate had deemed to keep him statuesque, then surely it had also put the distant darkness into his eyes, had molded his features into a mask through which one could see a deity tired of seeing so much life. Nevertheless you had to envy him. For surely he wielded a stronger hand than you had been dealt.

“I don’t know. I just, it’s been on my mind.”

“What has been on your mind?”

“What it means to grow up. I mean, you’ve never experienced it. Not really, not the way we do. Growing up, it’s terrifying. You look at all the people walking down the street, the old people I mean. They’re all… wrinkly!”

You had to laugh, a bitter, sharp sort of sound. Indeed how they did look strange. Bones and muscles twisted like branches of a tree, knobs visible in the guise of liver spots and still joints. Their faces, how terrifying their faces were. You always found it odd when someone called an old person beautiful. You weren’t sure you had ever seen one who fit the definition. Rather, it was like looking upon an utterly different sort of people, a transformation that you knew one day you would have to undergo. When you emerged, it would be like a butterfly shifting back into a caterpillar. There would be no going back.

“Perhaps they are, but it is a sign of old age. Of wisdom. Humans who grow old, they are survivors.”

There was a hint of displeasure in Zhongli’s voice. Not that you could blame him. It was quite heretical to insult the old, surely even more so to one who would never experience such a thing. Then again, perhaps that was why he could act that way. He would never know.

“Maybe; but all the wisdom in the world couldn’t prepare me for growing old. I mean, who wants to be around an old person? Who wants to be an old person? You can’t do anything for yourself anymore, you’re basically a baby again. Except this time there’s nothing to look forward to.”

“My love, surely there are many things to look forward to in old age. The knowledge that one has gained, the ability to look back on the past. Those who you have grown to love will gather around you. Above all, when one has grown old one finally has been granted the privilege to rest, to think, to do what one wishes.”

“Is that why you gave up your gnosis?”

The wind rustled your hair slightly as you gazed at your partner. There was no reply to your question, but then again you weren’t expecting one. There were just some things too painful to speak of, some things that you couldn’t understand. Just as there were things your partner couldn’t understand, the things you were trying to explain to him now.

“Anyways, I’m not sure if any of those things are worth growing old for. Worth becoming immobile and forgetful and ill for. Honestly, I’m not sure if I ever would like to grow old.”

“Well you will one day, my love. Such is the nature of time.”

“Well I wish time would stop, or better yet that something would come and put me out of commission before then.”

Silence again. You had made an error, or perhaps you were simply seeing the natural reaction to your declaration. You loved Zhongli’s eyes, the way they glowed and shifted and reflected the light. They were almost dragon-like, not that you had ever seen a dragon before. Now, however, they seemed muddied, bogged down. It was as if you’d thrown muddy water on them, and now you were seeing the natural consequence.

“Do not speak that way.”

“Why not? It’s what I think.”

“Then I hope that you soon change your mind. Even if you cannot see the merit in growing older now, to react so… violently. It is alarming.”

“How would you know? It’s not like you’ll ever experience this, this fear. You’ll never wake up in the middle of the night, heart racing. You’ll never have to hear your mind scream in fear of ageing. You’ll never have to think about the years stretching in front of you, each a painful sentence of pain. You’ll never have to think about losing your mind to age.”

A pause. There was a frown slashed across your lover’s face. It looked entirely out of place.

“What would you want then, my love, if you could have it?”

“I would like to be young forever, like you.”

“Would you really? Would you want to see person after person die, while you can only watch? Would you like to exist isolated from those you love? My darling, even love is dangerous when you are destined to eternity. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of, of when the inevitable will happen. When I will once more wait for the end of eternity.”

“If I were like you, then you wouldn’t have to think of that.”

“If you were like me then you simply wouldn’t be as you are. Why is it that mortals are so much more prone to action, so much more emotional and bright and determined? It is their very mortality. Death is what creates authors and artists and the great heroes upon which we rely. A life without them, it would be a very drab world indeed.”

“So you want others to suffer for your own good?”

“Do you think that the way out is to ask for death my love? Truly? The death of a human is the death of a universe. Would you throw that universe away to be remember as young, whatever that may mean? Would you give up the ability to see, to feel, to think, to exist? My darling, if you truly think it is worth it then let me convince you otherwise.”

It was warm, the world. The world was burning up and you were stuck, staring into the eyes of the person you most loved.

“I don’t know.”

“Then don’t say these things, even in jest. I, I cannot understand it. It frightens me a great deal.”

“Why? I’m just, I don’t know. It shouldn’t bug you that much, I mean, I’m not about to go jumping into the sea or anything.”

“Today perhaps, and tomorrow too? If you truly were only saying these things in jest, would you be so firm in your questions and in your arguments?”

Too many questions, he was asking too many questions. They made your head swirl and throb as you tried to wrap your brain around them.

“I don’t know. I just, it, it scares me.”

“More than death? More than the annihilation of your senses and your thoughts? I realize that you are experiencing a fear that I myself will never carry. My burden and yours are opposites, they will never intersect, except perhaps to think about what the other will do when time eventually shows itself. Yet, my love, I cannot help but feel that, when that comes to pass, it will be better to have experienced age, to have experienced every phase of life, every moment that you possible can, than to be stuck in someone’s memory. We glorify the young dead, we do not remember them.”

It felt odd to crumple to his arguments, perhaps it was only momentary. He hadn’t explained anything particularly well, hadn’t been able to cross the divide between the two of you. Perhaps it was how awfully old he looked in that moment, how he seemed to age a thousand years, so much you could almost imagine him hunched over and grey and wrinkled. Maybe he did know more about age then you thought he did.

Besides, you couldn’t leave him, or Liyue. Not truly. And if that was only your survival instinct kicking in then it was doing a damn good job of it.

Slowly the roaring of the cicadas was replaced with a chorus of crickets. The glaze lilies turned their pale faces towards the light of the moon. Laying your head down in Zhongli’s lap you studied your lover’s face, trying to piece together the strange conversation that had soaked up all other conversation. As if reading your thoughts Zhongli’s eyes met you. Though a smile still refused to breach his expression, he leaned in to bring his hand to your cheek. You relished the warm of shared connection.

Maybe none of this would last the night, maybe tomorrow you would think the same thing you had before. But right now you very much wanted to stay. And right now was all that mattered.

#genshin impact #zhongli x reader #zhongli #genshin impact fanfiction #oneshot #my writing

[hacked-by-jake]

In case no one has formally asked you yet, a part 3 of Jake being hot for 1 minute straight? 😄 I'm seriously addicted 🙈

Love your work, dear!! ❤

Headcanon

Summary: And another 25 things that show how hot jake is.

> Part 1 / > Part 2

A/n: First of all, thank you very much for your sweet words! @dreamer-writer-fangirl❤️ I am very happy that you like it and I hope that this part is just as good.🥰

And also many thanks to you, dear Anon. I’m very happy that you want a third part.❤️

So, thanks to the wish for a third part, we are here. This time it became a little more difficult to find things so that’s why it’s only 25. But I hope it’s okay anyway. 😅

Same as always: excuse the mistakes.

So, Have fun, stay healthy and take care of yourselves.❤️🌹🎭

Jake is a night person, and he has infected you a little bit with it. You have this particular place on top of a building in Duskwood where you’ve spent tons of romantic, funny, passionate evenings. You just love to talk about everything that comes to your mind. Being open and honest.

Jake will help you cook a lot. You always listen to loud music, dance (ok, mostly just you), tease each other, laughs, sings the lyrics aloud, and sometimes it ends with you not getting to finish the food

Jake sometimes uses really bad flirt attempts, he knows they are bad but he finds it far too amusing. 'Do you believe in love at first sight or should I come in again?' - 'We should go showers together, that saves water" even if he makes fun of it, you love these little jokes.

If something doesn’t work the way Jake wants it to work, sometimes he gets pretty pissed off. He then looks for your closeness every time, just wants a hug or a kiss and distracts himself with you.

Jake has a habit, sometimes, when he want to tell you that he loves you, that he asking you before if you want to hear a secret and whispering it in your ear afterwards.

Jake always kisses your forehead twice before he falls asleep, even when you’re already asleep.

Since Jake doesn’t like to go swimming when you go to Duskwood’s lake with the group, you once went swimming together in the middle of the night (A/n: I think I want to write a OneShot about it lol) Only the light of the car has given you light and you have spent hours at the lake.

Jake has the ability to notice when you’re having nightmares, whether he’s in his study or sleeping himself. He’ll wake you up and calm you down. He will always suggest you to talk about it and will always listen to you no matter how tired he is.

Jake hates arguing with you, and luckily you don’t argue much. But once, when you were really fighting, he became totally hysterical and panicked. He was afraid that this argument would escalate even further, but he was able to end the dispute quickly, even if it was accidentally. He suddenly asked in the middle of the conversation, 'If you keep yelling at me like that, can we go outside?' You were completely perplexed and looked out the window where it rained terribly. When you pointed him out, he replied, 'I know, but at least I get a melodramatic movie moment,' you couldn’t stay serious and had to laugh, just like him. You both apologized and then calmly talked about the problem.

Since you’ve been a couple, Jake loves to go to another place for a few days, just to experience something new with you. Sometimes it’s just a weekend, sometimes several days, you decide spontaneously and don’t think about where you are going.

Jake usually wants you to choose a movie because he’s afraid you might not like the movie he chooses and you only agree because you want to do him a favor. You really have to force him to pick out a movie, and he’ll keep asking you if this movie is okay with you.

Jake is always afraid that something will happen to you if you use a knife while cooking. When you’re on a ladder, he’s afraid you’ll fall. If you don’t let him help you, he’ll turn away so he won’t have to look at you. If you want to walk across a street, he’ll double-check if a car comes.

No matter what time you get the idea, if you want something from McDonald’s or a pizza, or even if it’s just an ice cream, no matter what it is, Jake will go with you and get what you want.

When you used to lie on your balcony at night and Jake came out so you could go to bed, you said you could lie here all night. So Jake took the mattress of your bed and all the pillows and blankets you have and slept on the balcony together. You’ve been doing this often since then.

Jake had a necklace made especially for you, the pendant is his mark, the eye. Even if strangers do not know that it is his sign, he always makes sure that it hangs over your top and can always see himself that you belong to him.

Jake has a list of all the things and places you’d like to see. he wants to make it possible for you to see all of it.

Since Jake is much more active at night than during the day, you experience most things together at night. Wander around, go to dinner, exploring the city at night while sharing headphones and listening to music. Or rocking on a playground at night.

There’s a flower delivery service in Duskwood. And sometimes Jake orders flowers for you there and sends them to your apartment. When it sounds and you open the door, Jake will watch from afar how you rejoice when another bouquet of your favorite flowers arrives. He will always send small messages with the flowers. Simple things like 'I love you' or 'you look beautiful today'

Jake loves photos of you, preferably those you didn’t expect to be photographed. Jake loves taking pictures of you secretly. If you’re focused, while reading a book, drawing, or just scrolling through your Instagram feed. Sometimes you don’t even know that he took a pictur. He also loves pictures where you laugh. When you are out with the group and you laugh at something, he secretly takes pictures. Actually, at all times.

At the beginning Jake had a hard time taking pictures on which you are both on, but over time he has learned to love it more and more. Most of the time you don’t see him completely on photos, mostly only half the face or not at all. Sometimes when you take a picture of yourself, Jake uses the situation to sneak up on you and kiss you. On the cheek, on the forehead, your lips. Or just hugging you from behind and hiding his head in your neck bend.

Jake sometimes changes his background image several times a day, either it’s a picture of you or one of you both. But he cannot decide and therefore changes constantly, because he finds that all images are worth seeing.

That’s why you can watch Jake sometimes while he's unlocking his phone or looking at his computer and starts to grin when he sees the pictures. Even though he sees you every day, it makes him very happy.

You always have a serie you only watch together, when you have finished one, you look for a new one.

Sometimes it takes a long time in the morning to get out of bed. When you wake up and Jake’s still with you, sometimes you’ll spend another two hours only with cuddling. You just lie down, talk, spend quiet time together where none of you say anything. Well, and sometimes there are other reasons why you can’t separate from the bed.

Regular pillow fights or tickle attacks. If you just lie on the sofa or in bed, and you tease each other, it can lead to pillow fights that take on an insane extent or just like tickle attacks that often lead to sex.

Masterlist

#duskwood #duskwood headcanon #duskwood fanfiction #duskwood jake #duskwood mc #duskwood jake x mc #everbyte duskwood #everbyte studios #everbyte game #duskwood hacker #duskwood game #duskwood everbyte

[galacticlamps]

im sorry im sorry im sorry i know it’s been well over a year but i accidentally thought about Short Trips: Deleted Scenes (again) and it’s killing me (again) so i think im just gonna go ahead and post all these stupid thoughts that have been plaguing me about it since i first heard it & maybe that’ll help clear up some space in my head for like, real life things.

Spoilers I guess? It’s like a year and a half old but also high key the most recent 2nd doctor content i believe we’ve gotten which is like, the only negative thing I can say about it

The TLDR version is this:

I literally cant believe how sweet it is? Painful, but sweet. Like. I don’t honestly know what’s more likely - did they set out to write Jamie a nice little straight love interest and just fail miserably at it by constantly likening her to the Doctor AND paralleling the Doctor’s perspective with her ex’s AND putting Jamie’s relationships with both of them in direct tension with each other while constantly letting his with the Doctor win out?

OR - did they do a very 1960s thing and say hey we’re gonna write what’s essentially a story about how much Jamie and the Doctor love each other and release it on Valentine’s Day thinly disguised as a one-off romance with a french lady?

Now, as a general rule, my attitude toward questions like that is usually “don’t know, don’t care, doesn’t matter” - and while I 100% stand by that, I also have to admit that this particular audio seems to pay enough attention to detail that I’d kind of think I was selling it short if I assumed too many of these things were just meaningless coincidences, you know?

Anyway, that’s the most coherent/overarching thought. And here’s a disorganized list of things I absolutely cannot get over about it (they don’t form any kind of argument, mind, they just all happen to live rent free in my head):

- Celine is first taken in by Jamie being an idiot (specifically him claiming not to speak French, in perfect French); likewise, her entrance in the scene where they actually kiss is marked with a little anecdote about her hat getting stuck on a doornail and her scolding it as she attempts to fix her un-tameable appearance, and the narration says Celine “would often clown for Jamie like this” - all of which, while undeniably adorable, don’t exactly strike me as entirely original traits to have been assigned to Jamie’s love-interest (but also Celine is so cool and her perspective on film/media/time is an excellent addition to the long list of dr who characters)

- When they’re in the present, describing Jamie’s relationship with Celine in 1908, they call him her “companion” and highlight his going nearly everywhere with her, which earns a laugh from the 4th doctor (and me as well, though probably for slightly different reasons - but like, is that really all it takes to have a fling with someone in 60′s era who? bc if so...)

- Celine’s ex-fiance is still in love with her and is jealously watching when she kisses Jamie ... and then the Doctor appears beside him, evidently doing the exact. same. thing. They have the following conversation:

“You know, it’s not prudent to spy on people. But then, people in pain can’t be expected to act prudently.”

“Pain, monsieur? You mistake me.”

“Ah, do I? Good, because I rather thought you’d lost something.”

“What would you know about loss monsieur?”

- I’m sorry doc but who do you think you are, saying stuff like that and smiling sadly at the floor to boot? I 100% had to pause it here the first time I listened, just to not throw my laptop across the room. 

- Then when I recovered continued, the Doctor closes the door so they can’t watch anymore and explains “Possessing things comes so terribly easily to some men that losing them can feel cruel, intolerably cruel. In my experience, only the very best of men cannot be tempted to answer that cruelty with more - I do sincerely hope that you are the best of men.” (guess who gets described as the best of men by the end of the audio?)

- Jamie and the Doctor apparently develop a habit of walking along the river in Paris in silence

- During one such walk, Jamie suggests Celine come with them since she already figured out about the Tardis - and when the Doctor’s worried by this, he says he only allowed Jamie & Celine to grow closer “because of Victoria.” Jamie takes offense at the ‘allowing it’ comment and also refuses to admit he knows what the Doctor means about Victoria, which leads the Doctor to say that he knows how fond Jamie was of her - he was too, of course, but with him, “it was different, wasn’t it?” Jamie only says maybe that’s true and maybe that’s not, but his voice catches until he changes the subject

- Jamie doesn’t see Celine for days both times that she’s recovering from the shock and depression of her work being destroyed. In contrast, when the Doctor’s not well, Jamie’s "afraid” and “guilty” and hardly seems to leave his side at all, if his being there “rushing to embrace him” the second he wakes up - after a period Jamie describes as “at least a week” - is anything to go by, anyway. so either bf writers need to learn how to write a committed straight relationship or admit that’s not what they ever intended in the first place

- Oh yeah, and the Doctor spends that week "asleep” in Jamie’s bedroom - no, there’s no explanation as to if that’s where he was when he first collapsed or if it’s where Jamie decided to take him bc why would they feel the need to explain him being there? why was it even relevant to tell us it was Jamie’s room in the first place?

- The Doctor somehow manages to control the Tardis enough to take Celine on one trip to an alien planet and then return to the correct time & place for her to use the footage she recorded there in her new film - and while the audio doesn’t do very much to explain how that was possible, it does treat this as A Pretty Big Deal, and immediately afterward the Doctor has to spend a week communing with his past self (and/or the Tardis?) debating how likely it is that the Time Lords could use this to trace him. When he decides it’s not worth the risk and they have to stop the film from ever being shown to the public, Jamie asks why he agreed to it in the first place, and all he can say is “Because, Jamie, you asked me to!” earning awkward stares from the crowd.

- Oh, but, lest we forget, that little outburst is also immediately followed by him putting his arm around Jamie’s shoulders, and, shockingly, apparently beginning to actually explain the truth about the danger from the Time Lords - until they’re interrupted, of course idk why exactly but the idea of a 60s dr wanting to come clean with a companion but not being allowed to bc the show demands the war games be something of a reveal hurts me in a very good way

- The mental image of “the Doctor and Jamie, resplendent in borrowed evening wear”

- The audio admitting that Jamie’s not very good at subterfuge, and the Doctor asking if he’s going to be alright with them having to steal the film back from Celine - and Jamie’s little “Aye, Doctor” as he feels a ‘glass arrow piercing his chest’ glad to see bf is reading all my letters about exactly how i feel any time something sad happens to james robert mccrimmon

- The Doctor’s anxious to get out of there for obvious reasons, but he hangs around bc Jamie wants to see Celine again - which doesn’t happen, because of her aforementioned shock & depression, but she does leave Jamie a note that ends “you and that Doctor of yours - look after him Jamie, he loves you dearly, as do I.” yeah, if you didn’t want people to draw a parallel there, you could’ve picked, like, any other wording in the world.

- In case you weren’t fully convinced I’ve been reading too much into this whole audio already, consider this: Celine dies in Long Island in 1968, three days before her birthday - 1968 is when this story would’ve taken place in the show’s history (between Fury & Wheel), and dying three days before/after a birthday in America seems a bit... well I had some deja vu from it, anyway

- Four of all people being the one to bring back the film - I know he does it bc Sarah Jane makes him, but personally, I often feel like despite the length of his run, 4 is the Doctor with which we might’ve gotten the fewest glimpses into his interiority, so the fact that it’s him and not one of the more overtly sentimental Doctors makes it feel like it carries even more weight somehow, to me anyway. I think I wrote a post saying roughly the same thing about 4 & Fate of Krelos/Return to Telos but maybe I only did that inside my own head lol. Still, I’m all for any opportunities for Jamie to be one of the few characters to draw some noticeable emotion out of Four, but in fairness I haven’t touched too much of his EU stuff to really be able to compare the frequency with which this happens with other past companions

- Is Four referring to Two or Jamie when he says he got the film from “an old family friend”? Two did the actual stealing, but he probably means Jamie’s involvement - either way, it’s an interesting way of describing old companions - or selves?

- When Jemima goes to call Jamie a thief, Four is “roused” to defend him: “he really was the very best of men” again, any time four freely shows he cares about someone, im over the moon about it

- Oh ha ha, there’s an audio called “Deleted Scenes” featuring the Doctor who’s most affected by junked episodes. And at the end of it, a character who’s spent her life researching and lecturing about a lost film gets to watch it be ‘rediscovered’ after it’s gone unseen for decades. I feel marginally less stupid for reading into the other details of a story like this when it ends up deciding to be to be clever & slightly meta like that

But yeah

all in all, it’s kind of amazing to me that this genuinely reads like they sat down and said okay boys it’s valentines day, let’s write an audio where jamie kisses a girl, since that hasn’t happened except as a plot device in one story in 1967 - but then when they got down to business they accidentally(?) wrote a story all about how important his bond with the Doctor is and how easily that can be compared to a legitimate love interest (even if the love interest in question is a one off character & the extent of the relationship appears to be like one kiss & then having Jamie spend most of his time around the Doctor instead)

I realize there’s something slightly illogical about writing the words “shipping aside” after a post like this but seriously - no matter how many categories you’re able to see two & jamie’s relationship fitting into, this is 40 minutes of big finish just hitting you over the head with how powerful/special/important that relationship is, and with them being two of my favorite characters, i really haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since

#jamie mccrimmon #second doctor #big finish #Short Trips: Deleted Scenes #yes i am gonna tag this #two/jamie #i think it earned it with the line from celine's letter if nothing else #and quite possibly the doctor's so-called imprudent & pain-driven spying #but i'll leave it at that #in case anyone's looking at the tags to decide if they should actually read this rambling monster of a post #also if you for some reason read this but haven't listened to the audio - #a) that's kind of you to care what i have to say but #b) you could probably have listened to half of it by now lol #did i mention it's a stand-alone audio that only costs $3? #and it's more of a traditional audio book format with one narrator who voices all the characters? #sorry i wasn't ready to do a bf pitch in the tags here #i genuinely dont know why someone who hasn't already heard it would bother to read all this #but if anyone has - thanks? #i'll shut up now so you can get on w ur day :)

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

Hello! Love your blog. I was wondering if I could get some typing help? I have a general idea of what I am, but that’s not saying much since I have a tendency to hop between a few of them (INTJ, ENTJ, ESTJ specifically). Either way, hopefully you can help me settle it.

I’m 22 and about to graduate from college. It’s been a journey, because I’ve transferred twice and changed plans a few times, but that’s the proper college experience, I think. One transfer closer to home can be owed to depression and Covid, while the first was simply me not meshing with the campus. I’m not too worried about how it’ll affect my grad school apps due to good grades and valid reasons.

Despite the schooling-related indecision, I tend to get an idea of what I want, then fixate on it heavily. Example: I recently tried to publish a novel I’ve been working on for years now. Realistically, I know the odds of getting your first work published and making enough money to start a career on it are beyond low, but a big part of me thought “yeah, except I worked on this draft consistently all these months and this feels right, so it has to pay off” – of course, it didn’t. That’s not to say it wasn’t worth it, but I’ve come to accept it won’t be that easy, so I’m going to focus on a job with more security first lol. That means proceeding with law school. Some friends might think I’m selling my soul by putting my dreams on the back burner. I disagree, though, because if writing is meant to be I can still make it happen this way but with more security. Plus, I’m used to having some higher objective to motivate me through each day, and I don’t like feeling aimless. To me, that would be settling for less: wasting time working next to minimum wage at some place I can’t see myself staying.

I’d like to think of myself as spontaneous despite knowing I’m really not. When I’m with friends, maybe, but I’m more than happy to do nothing on Friday nights, knowing I’ll be able to wake up early tomorrow and do whatever I’m doing at a decent time. That being said, I would be happy to hop on a flight across the world if someone offered to pay the way. I love travel, so I’d hope to find a career that makes that possible. The same goes for whatever work I’m doing. Ideally, I could move from place to place as I do my job, because I fear being rooted will keep me from seeing everything I’d like to see.

I’m definitely an introvert dichotomy wise, but if group work appears, I’m happy to make a plan and remind everyone when a due date is near, and I expect them to follow through or provide some forewarning. I’m not outright nasty when someone inevitably slips up, but I’m not going to give them an excuse either. Can’t relate since I’ve never had a problem with procrastination. Like, I’d say I’m procrastinating, but to me procrastinating is choosing not to get ahead on the project due next week while I have spare time now. That makes me sound like a robot or a liar, but I’m mostly just very aware of my limitations and have learned how to manage work in a way that keeps me from having to stress.

I have no idea how to end this. Quick notes? I’m ambitious but not competitive – literally cannot relate to envy, because I don’t think someone having something means you can’t have it too – you just have to work on/for it. I’m not very curious lmao. Like, I’m as curious as the average person, but I don’t care about how things work (Ti slacking?). Uhh, fandoms annoy me. Like, seeing fans distort characters and needlessly project onto them in cringe ways makes my brain itchy. I’ve been called insensitive. I can easily cut someone off after finding, for a fact, that they’re being manipulative. Whatever baggage they have, I don’t care. I don’t see the point in fighting for a relationship when a “friend” is working against you. I’m also the “advice friend” because I don’t have drama and seem to know how to diffuse it easily or cut it out completely. Now that I think about it, all of my closest friends have a lot of anxiety, so maybe I collect them and care for them a little since I have none.

Hopefully that wasn’t too much useless info. I think I’m mainly struggling on differentiating between lower Ne vs Lower Se. My indecision comes in rare bouts, so maybe that’s the weak Ne manifesting. Or maybe I’m lower Se for forgetting the larger scheme by focusing on material things like getting to travel and making a high salary? Whatever. These are things most people prioritize, though. Let me know if you need any specifics. Also, thank you for taking the time to read this! I really appreciate how informative your blog is and all the resources you share.

Hi anon,

To be honest I am really not sure based on this, and it might be good for you to revisit this after a little bit of time out of school. I would rule out the Ti-Fe axis, but I can actually see arguments for either high Te or high Fi My guess is high Ni if you have high Te you don't really sound like a high Si user - and part of what is tripping me up the most is that you said a lot of things that make me thing of high Fi and the spontaneity of Se or Ne, but there's a lot here that really sounds intuitive but distinctly not like an Ne user. So I actually think there are arguments for either INTJ or ISFP, and I actually lean a little more towards "ISFP with good discipline/time management" than INTJ.

Here's my thought process, which hopefully can get you started.

I do feel like transferring twice is a little abnormal (not bad, just more than the typical college experience of maybe one transfer and changing one's major once or twice) but COVID did fuck with things more than usual so no conclusions there.

The fixation on writing a novel and the long-shot of gaining enough success to focus on that full time - particularly right out of school or even before graduation - is either intuitive or possibly high Fi. I really do not think an ESTJ would have that idea - not that they wouldn't be a writer, but I don't think they would have had the same expectations surrounding payoff and would have assumed from the start that this will not be their career initially. For that matter I have my doubts on ENTJ, but it could be possible for INTJ.

The part about spontaneity actually fits really well with auxiliary Se or Ne, in that those types at your age will have moderation from Ni or Si respectively and will often want a combination of stability but also the ability to travel a lot and move around. The example you gave actually still seemed very spontaneous; a lot of ExTJs for example might really dislike doing nothing on a Friday night and would instead have something planned. What you describe sounds very go-with-the-flow, just in a low-key way.

The part about procrastination indicates that Ne is probably off the table but Se is possible; some SPs are pretty good at being realistic about getting things done and it sounds like you don't have the high Te motivation of "I must get this done early" (not that high Te users can't procrastinate or do things on time but not down-to-the-wire).

I often tie ambition/competitive nature to enneagram more than MBTI, but I will say a lot of Te users and especially Te-doms tend to be both. They don't have to be (and if they're only one, usually it's ambition over competition), but it's pretty common. Curiosity is complicated but not caring about how literally everything works does seem like it would rule out Ti and I'd fully agree there. The part about being frustrated by fandom distortion of characters is relatable to me and I feel that comes from a place of sensing, ie, were you not paying attention to canon, so that seems like a point towards high Se for you. The parts about advice and interpersonal relationships mostly just reinforce that you sound more like someone on the Fi-Te axis, which you already suspected, but again...being the advice friend, particularly from a caring position, seems more high Fi to me than INTJ; a lot of IxTJs (and definitely ExTJs) at your age are just not emotionally ready for that level of patience with anxiety. I know I wasn't.

I would also say focusing on the material things (travel, a liveable salary) is more in line with higher Se! Te users do have a measure of pragmatism, so again, can't rule out INTJ, but the travel especially is what's making me think Se is pretty high in your stack.

All in all? My guess is an ISFP with good time management skills, possibly with an enneagram 6 adding to the stability/pragmatism. That said I wouldn't totally rule out INTJ (possibly also enneagram 6?); I just think it's less likely.

#mbti #isfp #intj

[wicked-game-black-butler]

Fic questions, 2 for wicked game

Question from this post

What’s your favorite part of this fic?

Oh my! I don’t think you realize how difficult of a question this is, lol. I have so many favorite parts, so if you’ll allow me, there are a few that I’d like to mention.

1. I always love it when Sarah tells Sebastian off. Two of my favorites are:

I had been a fool to push him this far.

"Now you will listen and you will listen well," he began, his voice a low, menacing rumble as he brought his face close enough to mine that the warm waves of his breath washed over my face as he continued, "If I have not made it clear in the past, you owe me a great debt for where you are right now. If it were not for me, you would still be in a wheelchair, or worse, murdered by those men who I have protected you from. My master would not have offered you a position as a maid had I not suggested it. You would not be gaining such attention by the Queen if I had not agreed to train you. So, yes, I will train you as long and hard as I feel is necessary, because you owe it to me," he paused, his eyes searching mine.

While he had been speaking, tears had begun to unwillingly spill from my eyes in response to the painful hold he had on my jaw and how cutting his words were, wetting his pristinely white gloves. I had come to realize the night of the ball just how possessive Sebastian had felt towards me, but I had not seen any indication that he felt it to this degree until now. So was that it…he felt he could do these things…he could demand my upmost obedience, touch me and play with my heart as he pleased, even push me to the brink of breaking me physically because he felt he owned me? My heart clenched as the piercing dagger of the truth thrust deep inside. The man who stood before me, the one who I had come to admire, who I considered a dear friend, who had, in fact, done so much for me to the point that I had started to believe he loved me and that I had begun to love in return, was no better a man than the likes of Mr. Woodley. If anything, he was worse.

He gave my cheeks a slight squeeze, snapping my attention back to the present before he continued, "It is infuriating enough that I am saddled with an insolent cur as a master and servants who could not survive if I did not constantly fix their idiotic mistakes, do not give me reason to add you to my list of grievances. However, if you cannot accept my standards, then leave and do not make me waste any more of my time."

As the last venomous word passed his lips, the bridle on my anger snapped. Without thinking, I jerked my knee up to strike his groin, just as he had taught me, causing him to crumble to the ground.

"Accept your standards?!" I spat, my fists clenching with rage as I glowered down at his wheezing form, "How could I accept such absurd standards?" I paused briefly, crouching next to him as I took a fistful of his hair in my hand, pulling back so that he was forced to look at me, knowing I would not have much more time before he recovered from my blow, "If I have not made it clear in the past, you, nor any other man for that matter, owns me. I am Sarah Anne Wakefield and I am a woman of my own possession and I will not be guilted or bribed into being anything other than what I am, a free woman. Now if you cannot accept that, sir, then you are no better than men like my father or the Mr. Woodley who you have come to despise so much."

Chapter 17- Valentine’s Day Misfortune

And 

“How long was I out?”

While I waited for his answer, I traced a hand along my skull to search for the source of the incessant pulsation. A whimper sounded from my throat when my fingers brushed against something tender, sticky, and warm.

“Not long. But long enough for me to kill the rest of the crew.” Sebastian answered, gently pulling my hand away.

His eyes widened, and I turned, ignoring the screaming objection of my head, to see what was causing his alarm- the dripping crimson that coated my fingers and stained the cuff of my shirt.

“This has gone on long enough. We are returning to the townhouse.”

“No!” I objected, jerking my arm from his grasp when he made to scoop me up in his arms.

My eyes pricked with tears, Sebastian’s fingers painfully gripping my chin.

His hot, angry breath fanned against my cheeks as he seethed, “That was not a matter of debate. The mission was successful. So we’re returning to the townhouse because your wounds need proper attention. We can interrogate Edward and Lord Willoughby tomorrow.”

“No!” I insisted, despite his answering, exasperated growl, “We have to be the first ones to talk to them. We can’t risk the Infinitas silencing them before we can find out more about Father.”

Fire smoldered in his eyes, nostrils flaring, but I refused to back down. My own determined, unflinching gaze answered his instead.

“Very well.” he spat, “If you insist.”

Without warning, he tugged me forward to press me against his torso. I shoved my hands against his chest and screamed in objection, but he did not budge.

Something warm and wet swiped over the wound on the back of my head once, then twice. My cries ceased and I blinked, mind suddenly clearer as the fog lifted, the throbbing of my wound inexplicably gone as well.

It was only then that Sebastian released his hold on me, allowing me to rest against the mast and steady myself.

“Better?” he asked, cocking his brow mockingly before extending an assisting hand toward me.

I scowled at the tattered, blood-stained glove. There was no chance I would reveal that, while my head was in a far better state, the rest of my body still felt as if I had been run over by a coach. Instead, I rose to my feet- ignoring the pain that shot up my thigh- brushing against his outstretched hand as I did so.

Sebastian’s gaze narrowed while he watched me dust off my pants and give my waistcoat a swift tug.

“In polite society, such assistance is typically answered with some form of gratitude.”

I grimaced, a jolt of pain shooting up my arm as the palm of my hand smacked into Sebastian’s cheek. It was well worth it, though.

His head snapped back, but before he shot off a reply, I grabbed his tie and tugged it to bring our gazes to the same level, my tone even, but no less threatening, “If you touch me like that again without my consent, I’ll break that perfect nose of yours. Got it?”

Chapter 26- The Sea Sprite

2. The Bread Making Scene

Silence fell between us, charged and tense, as we fell into a natural rhythm. Press and pull. Back and forth. My mind clouded over as the rich cinnamon of Sebastian’s scent wafted around me, overpowering the tang of yeast, and I slowly lost awareness of all else save our undulating movements and the hunger it awakened within me. My heartbeat thundered in my ears, the thrill of treading into the unknown silencing any warning from my more rational thoughts. What we were indulging in was illicit...dangerous.

“That’s it.” Sebastian’s voice praised, his voice no more than a gravelly whisper, the air becoming thick and heady as he gave a shuddering breath, “Feel how the mound is becoming firm beneath your fingers.”

A soft gasp escaped my lips, my eyes widening when, as we pressed forward on the the dough once more, an unmistakable hardness pressed against my lower back. Was Sebastian...? As the sound passed my lips, his grip on my hands tightened, almost painfully so, our fingers burrowing deep into the resisting dough. My thoughts whirred sluggishly as we pressed forward once more, torn between propriety and debauchery.

Yielding to such desire was forbidden. If Ciel happened to venture down and discover us, he could give us our notice immediately and he would not be in the wrong, our current behavior dishonorable among those who considered themselves part of polite society. I could demand he cease his salacious behavior. I could storm out in righteous indignation. I could finally put our depraved game to an end and save myself.

However, as his arousal pressed against me, a darker part of my thoughts reminded me that what Sebastian had awoken in me was something that, in spite of the risk, had been one of the most liberating and genuine experiences of my life. Any other pleasure paled in the wake of the carnal force of how it felt to desire him and be desired by him in return. To hold such power over someone who was otherwise so poised, every movement calculated...to see, to feel that composure crumble, giving into insatiable hunger was intoxicating.

Chapter 24- His Butler: Domestic

3. When Sarah finally admits her feelings for Sebastian

My gaze searched his as his honeyed words hung in the air. My heartbeat thundered in my ears, my breaths short and shallow, while my thoughts warred in cacophonous chaos. I should deny it. I should refuse such an offer and return to my quarters. But for what, to delay desire another day? I had reached the pinnacle of release from fantasies of the butler enough to know I could not deny that I wanted him in the most primal, gut-wrenching way possible. And I had experienced the sting of longing for his return and delight in his company enough to know that I loved him.

No, the only way I would ever be safe from Sebastian would be to leave and I should. Despite the danger, I should advertise for a different post under a new master, a new butler-one who could not ignite my body with a mere look.

However, I knew deep down that such a solution would be temporary at best. The connection Sebastian and I shared was something that transcended reason. No matter the time, no matter the space that separated us, I knew unequivocally that chance, fate, God, whatever name humanity assigned the ruling forces of the universe, would lead us together. I was drawn to him, his presence alone magnetic, drawing me to him with the intensity of a collapsar. And I was tired of fighting.

I took a deep breath, trailing my fingers up his torso, relishing as he tensed under my touch. Sebastian’s hurried breath mingled with mine, his eyes sparking with voracious hunger as I snaked my hand around the back of his neck. My eyes closed as I pulled his face to mine, my lips brushing against his as I breathed, with finality and conviction…

“Yes.”

As Sebastian’s lips captured mine, a fleeting hesitation whispered in my mind. Loving Sebastian was dangerous. My desire uncontrollable and consuming. It was like a fire, unquenchable, an ever present threat, for such a heat could devour and destroy as much as it could comfort and please. However, my thoughts whispered in answer as he shoved me against the ledge, our teeth clicking from our fervor, our hands tangling in the other’s hair, such a threat did not frighten me.

I wanted to burn.

Chapter 24- His Butler: Domestic

At the risk of this post being too long already, I’ll stop there, even though I have so many more I could list (like the interactions with the other servants, Nina, Ciel, Menowin, and Madame Red). 

Just out of curiosity, what are some of your favorite moments from Wicked Game? I’m always curious to see what catches readers’ attention. (And that question is open to everyone, if you’d like to answer ^_^)

Thank you again for submitting this ask. I love gushing about this story. It’s my literary baby, so I enjoy talking about it every opportunity I can. Take care, darling!

#fanfiction #asks #asks open #wicked game #kuroshitsuji #black butler

[imsofthelp]

Eijirou Kirishima x f!reader

Category: angst

Warnings: suicide (nothing graphic) slight cursing, mentions of sex under the cut

Word count: 2,881

Summary: Kirishima's journey of learning how to live without you and the fault he feels for your decision.

A.n: This is told from Kirishima's POV, the character Daichi is completly random and has nothing to do with bnha lol. Things have been... Kinda bad lately, so I guess it's my way of ranting. Hope ya'll like it!

✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*

There’s a few Astilbes in a tall vase on my bedside table. There’s this sweet smell coming from them, but it’s masked by the scent of a strong vanilla cologne.

It’s cold in the room because I can’t make myself get up to close the window, which lets ice cold air from the darkness to leak in.

I’m talking with her on the phone while wrapping the phone charger around my finger, untangling then twirling it again. My fingers remembered it as a routine during the hour we spent talking.

Even if her words are joyful, even if she’s talking about how’s school been and how she spent today studying at this super cute coffee shop with her friends, her voice feels heavy. Heavy with something she doesn’t want to show me. Something that she tries to hide under her stuttering laugh and stories.

But I’m not stupid. I can hear hints of pain stabbing her in the “It was fun” like sharp knives, and her “My new classmates are awesome!” covered by a mask of longing.

I want to help her, but my throat is dry and my tongue feels like it’s tied. I am held back by my own insecurities and doubts - I don’t want her to think that I’m an idiot or that I’m not minding my own bussiness.

“Eijirou? You still there?” she asks, oddly calm.

I wake up from my little trance. It seems like I got lost in the halls of my mind again. I feel a bit guilty. Did she tell me something important?

“Sorry, I got carried away for a second,”

There’s silence on her end of the line. A sigh soon rolls off the silence. I screwed up again.

“No, it’s okay. Nothing important.”

I hold my breath. What did she say? The smartest thing to do right now is just ask her-

“I will go now. Thanks for the convo, though,”

My teeth catch my bottom lip and I bite it. Idiot. I’m a fucking idiot.

There’s silence staying on the phone with me for a while until a quiet beep announces the call ending.

I couldn’t really sleep that night.

Somewhere near midnight, the line between sleep and search for comfort within the spots of the celling, in the stripes of the wallpaper or the folds of the blanket, blurs.

I don’t know when did I fall asleep but I think I saw angels, or maybe, just soft rays of sun, flooding into the room through curtainless windows.

I’m thinking about her. I’m thinking about how’s her day going and if she got any new opportunities to join a big agency.

Calendar on the wall shows that today is 11th of April, 2022.

✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*

Time as a pro-hero flies fast. Now I have a lot of problems, or maybe, just more than I had when I was at school. I don’t bother to remember the names or faces of people. Don’t want to.

Bakugou says that I’ve changed and that others are really worried, but I just bury myself in more work.

I can’t tell when a patrol starts and ends or the voices of villains and other heroes. It all blurs into one mess that lays on my shoulders like a dark cloud.

I come back home with an empty head and a full work shedule.

While I try to watch TV, not minding the buzzing on the other side of window and in my head, the bouquet of pink Camellias in the vase seem to stare at me.

I try not to mind themuntil a delicate petal falls on my arm. I don’t know how to keep flowers. Maybe I should stop buying them - they seem to not like my place.

I try to change the water, hoping that this would fix everything, and then I go back to mindessly watching tv.

I wait. Laying in my bed, a soft blanket wrapped around me as I desperately search for any warmth. I wait. Tick Tock.

Then there’s only one minute left of waiting and that minute soons ends as my phone rings, throwing me out of my endless thoughts.

“Hey!”

“Hello! How are you? How was hero work today?”

Her voice sounds different today. A lot brighter, like she has a smile on her face as she’s talking and I feel myself smiling too.

“It’s good, it’s good... Hero work is hard, as always. I’ve got a nasty case, dealing with some shitty drug dealers. It’d be better if you told me about your day.”

She stays quiet for a moment. It feels as if she’s holding her breath and, for a moment, I hold mine too. As if we’re underwater in our own safe bubble, where no one else can reach us.

“Everything’s very good. Great, even,” she finally answers and our bubble bursts.

“How did that audition go?”

“Uhm, I didn’t go.”

I frown, not even knowing what to say. She wouldn’t shut up about that audition, how the hero that ran it shared her opinions and ideals, how that place was just a dream, how-

“Why?” I trap all of my thoughts in that simple word.

“Just thought it wasn’t worth it,”

I wrap my finger around the phone charger and unwrap it again.

“Why?” I repeat my question again, dumbfounded.

“Dunno, maybe that place wasn’t that fit for me after all.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

After that silence follows. Then we talk some more about work, but it seems that conversation just doesn’t flow freely tonight. I drag it out like bubblegum that’s not meant to stretch this far.

“I’m coming back for a few days soon.”

I almost jump up. Don’t know if it’s from excitment or from shock. I haven’t seen her for a year.

“Wait, really?” I ask, finding it hard to believe.

“Yeah, and I have a huge favor to ask.”

“Anything.”

“Could I crash at your place while I’m here?”

My heart jumps with excitment. She’s more than welcome to stay. My heart aches just at the thought about an opportunity to see her.

I suddenly remember that she’s still waiting for my answer.

“Yeah sure! Just give me a message when you have the date set.”

She sighs with relief,

“You’re the best, Eijirou.”

The way she says my name makes a blush creep up my checks,

“Don’t mention it.”

“I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

Just like that, the call ends and I’m left with pleasant silence. Tonight I don’t feel lonely.

The calendar shows 11th of April, 2023.

✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*

It’s a few weeks of waiting until she grants her promise. She stands at my door, more beautiful than ever and for a second, I doubt if that’s just a vision, but after she flashes one of her sunshine smiles I instantly know that she’s real. She’s there and she’s real.

I pull her into a tight embrace, burying my face in her hair. Words cannot describe how much I missed her.

I give her a bunch of red Chrysanthemums and I instantly knew it was worth getting to the flower shop so early in the morning - her smile lights up the room brighter than the sun ever could.

“I missed you, Eijirou,” the name rolls off her plump lips so softly. It gives me the feeling that if I do as much as breathe, I’ll shatter the moment.

We talk all day, watch some TV and then talk some more. The stars shine so bright tonight that we don’t even need lamps. It seems as if they’re enjoying our moment too.

She tells me countless stories and I want to hear each one of them over and over again, her voice makes me feel drunk off my mind.

She talks about struggling with living in a foreign country, about missing me and other friends, about everything that bothers her and I’m here to listen. Soon, I tell her all my secrets and we’re sitting in front of each other pulling away all of our lies.

I don’t know what events lead up to our next step. Truly, it’s all a blur and the only significant thing I can point out is the flowers, gently sitting in the tall glass vase.

We get rid of our clothes, the same way we got rid of our secrets just minutes ago. There’s nothing separating us now and we can and get drunk off each other’s bodies.

Making love with her is tender and sweet, with lots of praises and sweet nothings, she manages to whisper out.

I pause for a second, taking a moment to truly look at her and memorise every inch of her body. From the way her hair is draped on my pillow and her face is so calm, to the way her legs, wrapped around my waist try to pull me as close as possible.

We spend the night naked, flush against each other, finally free of everything. If only for a moment.

The calendar shows 14th of May, 2023.

✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*

When my phone rings again, I’m putting a bunch of yellow Zinnias into the vase. The flowers that I had before them have already wilted so I threw them away.

I sigh, expecting another call from her brother, who suddenly became worried about her like two weeks ago, or maybe someone from the former Bakusquad.

When I see her name on my phone I pick it up faster than I never knew I could.

“Eijirou...”

I haven’t heard her voice in so long, it almost feels surreal. I want her to repeat my name, slowly, so that could remember every syllable she says and repeat it on my mind forever.

“Is everything okay? I was so worried!”

Her voice cracks. I hear a quiet sniffle that she tries to hide.

“No, actually... No... I don’t like it there, I want to go home.”

All the other emotion in my body are conquered by pain. It’s so good to hear her, but it hurts so much to hear her voice is filled with sorrow I wished she would never experience. I want her to come back. I don’t care how selfish it is.

“I can’t... You know I can’t,”

I blink. I want to tell her, but my tongue feels heavy and all my words begin to slur.

I wake up with a jump. My shirt is flushed against my back and my whole body is covered in goosebumps. I snake my arms around myself, desperately seeking any kind of warmth.

My phone is turned off and the calendar shows 11th of April, 2024.

✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*

I put red and white striped Carnations in a vase. Flowers from before are dead, as always.

Work goes by the same as always and while I’m sitting down trying to finish tomorrow’s plans, I wait for a call.

Time goes by, but it doesn’t ring. Tick tock. She always calls at the same time.

She used to call at the same time, my mind corrects. I push that thought into the deepest part of my brain, never to be found again.

Tick tock. That’s how another hour goes by, filled with walking from one end of the room to the other and checking my phone again and again.

I don’t get a call.

The other three weeks are tense. The bags under my eyes are filled with darkness from staring at the windows during long, sleepless nights, searching for answers from the dark and dim stars. Answers that none of them want to give to me.

When I get a call, my clock shows that it’s almost 4am.

“Y/N?” I ask, my voice colored by hopeful hues. Droplets of sleep still hang on my lips.

“No, dude it’s Daichi.”

I grit my teeth. I’m not mad at him. I’m not mad at him for calling me, I’m not mad at him...

I’m mad because he’s not Y/N.

“Yeah?”

“I wanted to ask something about Y/N,”

“Eh?”

And what about her? For me to tell him what Y/N thought of him? To tell him that he was a bad brother? To tell him that his sister left because his family sucks?

“You’re her best friend.”

“Was.”

“What?”

“Was her best friend.”

“Yeah...”

“And?”

“And you.. Well you... Well she probably told you...”

“She didn’t,”

My answer is cold and what would put an end to this conversation.

“She... didn’t?”

He obviously doesn’t know when it’s time to end a conversation.

“Daichi, are you drunk?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Why are you calling me at 4am?”

He doesn’t say anything for a moment. Maybe it’s the only aspect he and his sister share - that small little doubt, showing that they’re never sure of what to say.

“Because I don’t u-understand,” he hiccups.

“What?”

Then his voice breaks, like a ship that’s slowly claimed by the waves to be sunken forever.

“Eijirou... Eijirou... I don’t understand why she left... Eijirou, was it really bad for her? Was it that bad that she couldn’t tell anyone?”

I bite my bottom lip until I feel a hot droplet of blood running down my chin. What do I say to him? That she was trying to tell them? That they didn’t listen? That none of us did?

“It’s not your fault, Daichi. Go to sleep,”

“But...”

“We’ll talk again tomorrow if you want to. Now go to sleep.”

“Okay, thanks.”

“Yeah.”

I end the call and fall back to my bed. My bed is incredibly cold and unwelcoming. I slump my way towards the kitchen and sit there until the first droplets of liquid gold begin to pour inside.

Calendar shows 11th of April, 2025.

✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*

I put Cyclamens in the vase. It’s the day we meet again. I don’t know what to hope for and while I’m going, my insecurities and fears follow close, only to disappear as soon as i see her.

She looks like a goddess. Her hair like rays of sunshine that found their place in the waves of locks on her head, her skin seems to shine, like it’s been kissed by stars and her smile only compliments her beauty.

Nothing’s changed but when I come closer, I notice that her eyes are different. All the happiness and joy is drained and now they’re empty. No, not empty... Just filled with something I can’t quite identify.

“It’s you...” I manage to whisper and before I start feeling like an idiot, she laughs with that wonderful laugh wrapping me with the feeling of safety, telling me that everything’s okay.

“It’s me.” she confirms and puts her forehead against mine. We drown in the silence, away from everything.

“I often wonder why you did that.”

She pulls away and her hands find their place on the back of my neck, as if we’re dancing, “I did it for myself.”

I sigh, “I don’t understand it. I don't understand it, Y/N,”

My hands dance on her waist, not finding their place.

“I wasn’t happy, Eijirou. I wasn’t happy there.”

I sigh again and pull her against my body. She smells like vanilla and clean laundry,

“Could I’ve made you happy?” I quietly ask and she raises her glance. Her empty eyes that pulled me in so strongly.

“No, it’s not your fault, Eijirou,” she answers and wipes away my tears that I didn’t even know were falling, “I did it for myself, I did it so I could be happy. Eijirou, I feel good now.”

I look up to the bright blue sky. There’s only one cloud there.

I take in a stuttering breath.

“Wasn’t there anything I could do?” Tears now flow freely as I try to not look at her. Somewhere deep inside I know this isn’t real and I’m afraid that she’ll disappear if I look at her for too long.

She takes my face into her hands, softly stroking it with one hand. Her glance is soft and for a moment, I see the Y/N I used to know before.

“All you can do right now is forgive me,” she whispers and I pet her silky hair, “And forgive yourself, Eijirou. You can’t carry the guilt of other people’s choices. You can’t live with a fault that isn’t your’s.”

That’s the last time I hear her voice.

When I wake up, I see her face right before my eyes but it’s not a ghost who drags a trail of unanswered questions after itself. No, it’s now a person I once loved so much. A person that I couldn’t hate for leaving me in pieces of my former self.

There’s a bunch of yellow Daffodils and Forget-Me-Not’s in my hands. Forget-Me-Not’s for a promise, that she’ll always be dear to me and Daffodils - the second promise, that I will finally start everything over again.

I leave the flowers on her grave, which I finally visited after two years.

It’s time to forgive her. It’s time to forgive myself.

I come back home and check the calendar for the last time. My new beginning is on 11th of April, 2026. Two years after her death.

“The sun will rise, and we will try again,” she used to say. With those words, I breathe in and peel the calendar page off.

✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*

As always, thanks @velvet-kissesss​ for editing! 

#bnha #bnha angst #bnha x reader #bnha x reader oneshot #mha x reader #bnha oneshot #bnha x reader angst #kirishima eijirou #eijirou kirishima #kirishima x reader #eijirou x reader #eijiro x reader #bnha kirishima x reader #mha kirishima x reader #mha eijiro x reader #bnha eijirou x reader #bnha eijiro x reader #kirishima x reader angst #kirishima angst #eijirou kirishima angst #kirishima eijirou angst #tw: suicide

[traindelays]

The Family Man Arc is a good character analysis arc for John Constantine because it is one of the few arcs that so strongly show who John is outside of who he presents himself to be ( I’d even go as so far to say as the narrative presents him to be, as well ). I believe it to be one of the more memorable arcs that explores John’s blatant terror and struggles of his own humanity.

The Family Man Arc takes place between the original Hellblazer issues #23, #24, #28, #29 & #30.

John reflects on the Family Man after three entire months of going on with his life. It’s not guilt of the family who was murdered from the address card he unwillingly handed over to the man that stirs his mind ( though he encounters a nightmare of them at some point ), it’s the fact that he saw himself in a man that turned out to be a murderer. He saw himself and was scared enough to determine that the only way to solve this was to confront him and find what makes a murderer of a man, and how to quell that nature.

John finally coming to terms that the reality of the situation is more serious than any of his other typical ordeals. He admits to his fear that this is entirely a physical altercation ( in this moment ); he’s got to rely on brute strength and the desperation to survive. But he knows that’s a lost fight before it even starts.

That same night, John has a dream he’s talking himself up so he can do the job and kill the Family Man, but then it ends up turning into his father that he hasn’t seen in 20+ years. I don’t really want to fall down a rabbit hole of symbolic interpretations but a few of them could be that John sees a father-figure in the few pleasant interacts he’d had with him prior to finding out the truth, and killing him would in some way be like killing his own father ( which is later explained in further issues that John did almost kill his own father with a hex he made in his teens as a response to the abuse he was faced with by him ) ... or more closely to the previous panel: John sees himself as the Family Man because of how he “killed” his own family ( e.g. his father with the hex, and his overall defiance to maintaining a relationship, and the guilt he feels for being blamed for his mother’s death ), and the subconscious fear that he’s not so different from him. 

He wakes up from this dream screaming “DAD!” then hears the noise of Chas coming up the stairs, grabs the bread knife he kept at his side and - thinking it’s the Family Man - tries to go in for the kill. Which fails IMMEDIATELY because John is not a fighter. Chas kicks his ass, the reality of the situation kicks in---and John pukes outside on the sidewalk.

After straightening up with a smoke and some tea, Chas accuses John of messing around with the demon stuff again, to which John admits would be easier. John has an easier time dealing with things that don’t force him to face how shitty humanity is. 

Magic lets him go after forces that he can pin as being “worse” than humans, while also giving him the escapism he’s always chasing in terms of facing humanity as a whole and how he personally fits into the role of humanity ( a common theme that creeps up all throughout Hellblazer when John reaches another prolonged breaking point ).

His next move, and his last resort to winning against “man” is to get a gun. One of the things that John vocally detests across several Constantine series, both as a moral standpoint ( and more lesser and assumed classic jab from a Brit. )

There are a few important things to point out.

1. John is quite literally out of his element. He’s never owned, held, or had an experience with a gun prior to the moment he buys it off of a shady arms dealer from Chas’ help. This is something that John can’t fake expertise on because using a gun requires an accurate enough precision, is extremely tangible - unlike magic - and is a direct means of killing. John isn’t trying to weasle his way out of a tricky situation, his back is to the wall. His hands been forced, he is down to his last resort. If he doesn’t kill the Family Man, the Family Man WILL kill him. Magic cannot save him. He is forced to remember that despite all his engagements with the occult, he’s a mortal man. To the audience, it’s also a grim but important reminder that he’s just a man.

Tying into Point #1, self-defense is not John’s strong point. He is very vocal through the entire Hellblazer series that he is not a fighter. He has a chance of getting one really good punch if he gets to swing first, but if it’s not enough to finish the job then he’s shit out of luck. John’s biggest skill is being underhanded and cunning. John not being able to fight is about the only thing he openly, quickly, and unashamedly admits that he CANNOT do.  

John’s so out of his element, he makes the guy who sold the gun to him to load the bullets for him. Then he’s alone with the gun and his thoughts and we get this panel with the “When you begin to think like a gun--the days of your life are already gone.” (John Cale, Fear--1974.) 

It’s a song; not uncommon for John to compare his emotions with lyrics considering his life was music before it got ruined by magic. The song is Fear Is A Man’s Best Friend and can be heard here, and these are the lyrics:

Standing waiting for a man to show Wide eyed one eye fixed on the door This waiting's killing me, it's wearing me down Day in day out, my feet are burning holes in the ground

Darkness warmer than a bedroom floor Want someone to hold me close forever more I'm a sleeping dog, but you can't tell When I'm on the prowl you'd better run like hell You know it makes sense, don't even think about it Life and death are just things you do when you're bored Say fear's a man's best friend You add it up it brings you down

Home is living like a man on the run Trails leading nowhere, where to my son? We're already dead, just not yet in the ground Take my helping hand I'll show you around You know it makes sense, don't even think about it Life and death are just things you do when you're bored Say fear's a man's best friend You add it up it brings you down

After getting the gun, John goes back to Chas’ who is bandaged up from an attack by the Family Man, and shortly after, John confirms with his sister that his father’s been murdered. At the news, John cries out “Dad!” again and cries. Now he’s got fear that his sister and his niece are next to be killed and his sense of urgency amplifies. Chas tells John that the old man is not only extremely fast, but he’s as strong as a horse, which couldn’t possibly make John feel any better about his own fate. 

There are a few scenes prior to this where John seemingly slips back into his natural element of sleuthing. He tracks down the T.V. Agent that was the middleman for his old friend and the Family Man, and purposefully helped him tail his lead to this neighborhood. He falls back into this after his father’s death, and puts on an act of having Chas kick him out where he knows the Family Man can see and hear, and then leads him to Chas’ cousin’s house, Norma, where he stays for the night. He makes sure the Family Man is near the window when he deliberately and incorrectly announces that he’s catching a 7 a.m. train. This is the John we are used to seeing; the John that relies on misdirection and deception to slip through the cracks. He’s trying to take control back to put the odds in his favor. 

Still, they’re getting ready to have sex, and she comments that John is trembling. He knows he’s set down the trap for the Family Man but his nerves are still shot. So much so that he changes his mind on the sex offer and lets her keep the money anyway. Probably not too important, but John is often one to escape his problems with booze, sex, or chasing adrenaline rushes, so it stands out to me as something worth mentioning. 

( But he does eventually request for sex after Chas’ phone call scares him awake and he nearly falls out of bed, gun in hand. Still, he’s so stressed, he just kinda lays there sweating up a storm while Norma does all the work lol, then he hurriedly gets dressed to make a move on. )

John can’t sleep, and sits up holding the gun in his hand. No real reason to post these panels, it’s just one of my favorites. : )

The argument between John and humanity resurfaces again now that he’s on the move. 

“But it shouldn’t be this easy. Life’s supposed to be sacred. You can’t just end it like a sentence. You’re human--you should feel something.” 

He asks himself what’s wrong with him because he’s about to commit murder and his hands aren’t shaking. He immediately references himself as a murder as well to his father and all his friends of his past. He loses his resolve, just like that. He is struggling with his own sense of humanity. He goes from separating himself from the Family Man as someone that values life, and how it’s not up to him to decide who gets to live, to lumping himself in with him again, and then to justifying that he HAS to kill him because he needs to see for himself that he is more than a man that John can / is---that he’s something other and separate of his own.

Then we get the perspective from the Family Man himself, who catches on to John purposefully leading him on. They are referenced as being similar here; they are both playing a game they are familiar with. John poses as a challenge, he’s brought himself up to level on the playing field and the dynamic turns from the hunter and prey into a competition.

John takes the tube to the bus and contemplates how long he’ll have to deal with looking over his shoulder in fear of his life. One of his thoughts is: 

“In the imagination, the intent is as potent as the act. I was a killer as soon as I bought the gun.” 

It’s not long before John gets ambushed by the Family Man at a road stop and gets chased into the countryside. ( Sidenote: As a character always being aligned with being a fox, it’s interesting having him referred to as a rabbit. )

They finally meet up after a decent chase and the first thing John asks is “Why?” because at the front of all of this, that’s the burning question that ties him in with the Family Man, himself, and his own father. He doesn’t know what consists of being a murderer in the way the Family Man has made a home of it for himself. The Family Man mocks him, tells him he can’t shoot him because he’s a “virgin” as in someone that hasn’t killed anyone before ( something John, in some degree, would disagree - but he’s right in that John has never committed first degree murder ). 

The moment the family man starts to say that he reminds John of his father, he finds it in him to pull the trigger. This ties into my earlier mentions of John and his subconscious dragging up his relationship and guilt about his father---the next page is a flashback into the Family Man’s life about his father:

The flashback shows the Family Man’s father shooting down their dog and explaining that it was his responsibility to put the dog out of its misery because it was hurting. Because that’s “love.” In the following page, the Family Man ( barely even maimed by the first bullet ) says that John won’t be able to murder him because he doesn’t love him enough. 

It’s obvious that the Family Man equates murder with love in some twisted, traumatic delusion tied to his childhood. 

There are further pages of flashbacks that show him responding irrationally to events in his childhood, but as that’s progressing, John’s just holding the gun at the man and saying “I don’t want this!”

“I don’t want this!” 

“Don’t be... pathetic. You have... to do it. Don’t... you want to share the... secret?”

“Yes.” John doesn’t hesitate to admit that’s what he needs.

“Well you can’t until you’re free!” Family Man reaches out to try and stab John, and he fires the gun again. 

Kindness in the face of death is mentioned again. Family Man is now the dog, in his misery, waiting to be put down. Except John is not the Family Man’s father and is not so willing to murder, still. 

“Goddamn you, tell me why? Why did you kill them all? Why, why? I must know why!”

“I told you... you have to... kill me to... find out.”

The core of John’s agony is still presented to us that he tries and fails to understand what it all means. What it means to a murder to be a murderer, how do they get to that part, what separates them from the rest, what makes them not him. 

He never gets an answer. 

The Family Man shoots himself for John / helps John give him the final blow. The silence of the loss is an answer, the weight of his actions are all he has to examine in seeking truth for the question he desperately wants answered. 

To further show how incredibly human John is, he throws up again after the deed is done. A man that stomachs demons, and ghouls, and the ghosts of his dead, tormented friends can’t look at a man he just killed without succumbing to the trauma. 

He laments about how the world continues to spin despite losing / taking the life of another. He immediately feels the need to share this pain with someone else do he’s not dealing with it alone, and to rationalize why he had to kill this man. He remains struggling with the idea that there could be an excuse for murder. 

He tells himself he’s saved countless of other families, but it’s not as tangible as the reality of the man he’s LITERALLY killed. Unlike the hypothetical families, the death is as real as everything around him. 

Not only that, but he refers to this as the Mark of Cain, a prominent story in the Bible that involves Cain killing his brother Abel and lying to God about it. God sets a mark upon him that lets everyone else know that he’s a murderer. Like this murder, even if it’s not obvious to others, he knows that he will forever be set apart from everyone else around him for this action. He in inevitably changed. 

Something something, Bible excerpts because I’m not an expert:  "Now you are under a curse and driven from the ground, which opened its mouth to receive your brother's blood from your hand. When you work the ground, it will no longer yield its crops for you. You will be a restless wanderer on the earth"  (Genesis 4:11-12)

“Executioners are always volunteers. They do it because they want to.” 

John doesn’t include himself in the ‘they’ of this statement and its, I think, intentionally left vague as to whether a part of him wanted that kill ( the kill being more-so the answer or truth to the whole ordeal, not the murder itself ), but at the end of the panel when he’s thinking back to something an old lady told him, it’s goes back to the idea of just HAVING to know what you don’t know. 

At the core of John’s character he is not a murderer, or an executioner. He’s a man like anyone else, struggling to keep his humanity in check, even when he’s forced into a position that threatens his morals. He makes the hard decisions that other people might not be able to make, and does what other people might not dare to do, and questions if that makes him more like his fellow man or further apart from them. 

But in addition to that, he’s a man that doesn’t like unanswered questions, and if there’s something he can’t figure out, and even if it might get him killed---he just has to know.

#john constantine #hellblazer #mine

[animiya]

I was crippled for the last 2 weeks and it was a thought-provoking experience. I want to remember the questions I’ve asked myself and the feelings I’ve felt during this time. My movement hasn’t returned to 100% but I am hopeful.

Some quick thoughts:

It’s hard to be an advocate for your healthcare when there is a language barrier - while in the ED, I sat across from 2 people who didn’t speak English. They clearly had questions and were worried about their outcomes. Over the 8 hours we spent in ED together, the sense of comradery radiant from a smile went a long way. 

Opening doors in a wheelchair without an accessibility button is fking impossible - I’ve always given those will mobility issues right of way but being on the receiving end for once highlighted how a simple gesture like holding a door for someone can go a long way.

Crutches will bruise your armpits because you may need to place your entire weight on them - I would have tipped over and fallen many times without them. Thank you to my crutches for coming in clutch many times. My father was un-approving that I used $55 of my own money to purchase these but I don’t care about your opinion; it was my money and it was well spent. 

Your workplace isn’t going to be toxic if you cannot work because of an injury - no matter how busy it is at work, your co-workers will be understanding and cover for you. There is no reason to be feel guilty about their increased work load due to your absence. You wouldn’t want your co-worker to work in pain and so you shouldn’t expect your co-workers to think any different. I was literally working in bed while lying down while crying in pain and FOR WHAT?? I got frustrated with how slow I was working and transitioned to a chair to continue working and exacerbated the pain which probably slowed my recovery. Seriously it’s not worth it. Just be honest next time and tell your boss you can’t work. I had this preconceived notion that there was pressure for my to work due to how crazy the COVID-19 pandemic was. There’s really no reason to push yourself. They will understand. They understood. They were accommodating. 

Invest in a comfortable office set-up. Many of us sit in front of a computer for the majority of the day. Might as well make as comfortable as possible. Thinking of buying that chair for $2000? I’ll hype you up. DO IT! 

If I could never walk again, would I be happy with what I’ve done in my life so far? The answer is no. After I fully recover, I’m taking every opportunity I have to go outside, play sports, travel and hang out with friends. I’ve haven’t left my house in 2.5 weeks other than to go to an ultrasound appointment. I’m not the type of person who likes to stay home and fk these past 2 weeks were hell. I wanna breathe FRESH AIR.  

It’s okay to rely on others for physical and emotional support. Family and friends who care about you will help you and worry about you. They are physical and emotional supports and reaching out to them for help with water, food, pillows, etc. is A-OK. Shout out to my homie for googling comfortable sitting positions and treatment plans while I was dying in pain and was being unreasonable. You’re a real one. 

Don’t ignore signals your body gives you. People who are really productive do the basics well like sleeping, eating and stretching. I don’t give a fk about what anybody says. You know your body the best. If you are hungry - you can eat. If you want to go outside - just go. Don’t change your sleep schedule for anybody you meet on the internet lol. People are going to judge you anyways - might as well do what you want to do. It’s okay to tell others that you are negating their opinions cause bitch I never asked for them in the first place. 

Reading shoujo manga makes you miss your so

I need drink more liquids especially after waking up in the morning - I might buy a tumbler since I like drinking through a reusable straw

I need to stop skipping breakfast - how was I even functioning on such few calories a day

I’m incapable of taking 5 shots of Soylent w/o this song playing in the background

Siting is the new smoking. Please remember to stretch daily and not be sedentary for too many hours at a time. Invest in solid ergonomic solutions for your height and body. Your health is priceless.

#personal #might add stuff later if I remember more #first ED encounter was Mar 24 2021 #sheeesh

[sunshine-full-of-stars]

Update:

It has now been almost a year since living in Belgium with Jill. It hard to believe, it really has just flown by so fast. We got to finally celebrate Valentine’s day (even though it’s a cheesy holiday, lol) but I wanted to make it extra special since it was our first one spent together. I ended up drawing a couple of pictures for Jill for our new apartment, got her the new Ed Sheeran LP, then made home made cupcakes that were absolutely delicious. Jill surprised me with two sweet cards, a candy cake, and took us out for sushi. 

The flowers are starting to bloom in Belgium, even though it’s freezing still. So ready for warmer weather and more sun, not used to weather like this. Loki our dog however, loves the weather and isn’t bothered by it. He has been loving Belgium life as well, and is even more spoiled thanks to his Granny. We got to go out for a long walk with one of Jill’s friends this past weekend with our dogs.  I’ve also made some friends in my integration class, and got to go out with coffee with them a couple weeks ago. Hopefully we will all stay in touch, and become good friends. It’s been really nice meeting people that are going through similar situations of being expats in Belgium (inberguring) it makes me feel so not alone in this process.  1.2 Dutch classes have now started for me, have taken 4 classes so far and it is moeilijk! Hopefully I can learn more Dutch so i can get a job soon. This is the last required class for the integration process, and I’m debating on taking more Dutch classes after this one.  This language is no joke, the verbs, and dialect is really difficult for non native speakers... but it is definitely a learning experience, and I’m loving learning a new language. I’m now able to speak a few words in Dutch and some simple sentences, and can understand a little bit of what someone says (if it isn’t spoken too fast.) A lot of times it’s frustrating, but it just takes time learning a new language and requires a lot of patience. My goal is too become hopefully mostly fluent in Dutch in a year or so. Jill has still been helping me with my homework, and is teaching Dutch to me (I have my own personal tutor, hehe)  Jill and I are doing amazing and have grown so much closer during this entire process of moving in together, and getting me and Loki moved here. Cannot begin to express how grateful I am for her, for always being so patient and understanding and being so helpful. It has also shown me how much I truly love her, and how strong we are as a couple. 

My thoughts and insights of being in a former international long distance relationship: Closing the distance truly is so much work, and is so much more than just having one move to be with the other. It’s countless hours of getting paperwork in order, lots of money spent, lots of worrying about getting approved for the required visa, to learning a new culture, learning a new language, having to make new friends all over again, having to find a job... but it’s worth it at the end of the day, when you and your love are no longer separated by thousands of miles, getting to actually go out and do things together, dates, experiencing life together, making memories together, becoming closer and stronger, getting to experience life changing experiences (non long distance couples don’t really get to experience). It is overcoming all the odds that are against you both as a couple, that usually tear couples apart that aren’t destined to be with other. The transition to not being long distance anymore, is an indescribable feeling... it’s one of the greatest feelings I’ve ever got to experience. The excitement of my girlfriend coming home after a long day of work, or when I come home after being out; is similar to seeing her at the airport after 6+ months of being apart. That feeling has yet to go away, and I doubt it will. it’s made me not take any time, or going to bed together and waking up next to her for granted. Jill truly is the love of my life, and cannot wait to see what else we get to experience together. I’ve loved every minute with her, even through the hard times. Long distance is worth it for being with your soulmate, the love of your life, the one that makes life worth living, the one that helps with anxiety and depression, to having that person to grow old with, and know that there is no where else you would rather be. For finally not having that longing for finding your true home, because you’ve found it with them.

To anyone that may be reading this LONG update/ramble that’s in a LDR, never give up if that’s the person that you truly love. Just because it may be hard and overwhelming, it’s possible. Everything is possible if you want it bad enough, love always wins. We hope our lovely followers are doing good, and get to see your loves soon. Thank you for taking the time on reading this, and keeping up with our journey.

#sfos #20/2/18 #update #personal #former long distance couple #closing the distance #ldr #ldr couple #international ldr couple #ldr love #ldr blog #ldr lesbian couple #Lesbian Couple #love #love of my life #integration #expat #expat life #belgium life #she's the love of my life #so happy #home #long update #us #first valentines day together #living together finally #almost a year #our journey #views on closing the distance #best thing ever

[a-january-girl]

11 questions

I was tagged by @foolishheadstronggirl, @stellagibsonsgirl and @hallwayperson to answer 11 (x3!) questions

Here are the rules :

1. Post the rules. 2. Answer the questions given to you by the tagger. 3. Write 11 questions of your own. 4. And tag 11 people.

I’ll do this backwards if you don’t mind, and answer my 33 questions under a cut, cause I guess not everyone will want to read all of it, tbh. 

So here are my 11 questions for @alldolleduppink, @datanullyx, @hallwayperson, @storybycorey, @kateyes224, @therobbinsnest, @jamofappreciation, @mangokiwitropicalswirl, @carrie11, @thethirstisoutthere and @allyinthekeyofx (but again, no pressure)

1. What song could describe your life lately? 2. You find 1000$ on the street, and you can’t return it to anyone. What do you do with it? 3. If you could spend an entire day being a man, how would you spend it? 4. Who was your favorite teacher and why? 5. Do you (or did you use to) collect anything? 6. What’s your favorite MSR fluffy/smutty headcanon? 7. Could you recommend an MSR fic you loved lately or read again cause it was so good? (hint - I love smut, but I’ll take whatever!) 8. Red wine or white wine? Or no wine at all? 9. What’s the last thing you ate? 10. If you had to set yourself a unique goal for 2018, what would it be?

Now for my answers, under the cut 

@foolishheadstronggirl‘s 11 questions

1. What brought you to the fandom in the very beginning, and what’s kept you here? I don’t even remember why or how, but I came across a post by @storybycorey somehow, loaded with fic recs. I thought to myself « Fuck! All those possibilities I’ve been missing... » and joined the party immediately

2. What is your favorite fanfic of all time? This is waaaay too hard 😩 You know what, I’ll just mention the very first fanfic I read instead, which made me wanna set up tent here and stay forever and read all the possibilities this fandom could offer. It was « What happens in Vegas » by Malibu Sunset l

3. Imagine every place in the world was represented by food. What food would represent where you live? A baguette 🥖, cheese 🧀, and red wine 🍷 (such a cliché... 🇫🇷💪🏼)

4. If you had the chance to read a book again and experience it like you were reading it for the first time, what would you choose? Le Petit Prince, by Antoine de Saint Exupéry

5. If you had to move to any other place in the world to live, where would you go and why? I’d probably choose to live in or near London, because I love that city...

6. What book/movie character would be your BFF? Hermione Granger. Nerdy, teacher’s pet, but fucking badass

7. What is your favorite dessert? For, you know, science. The crème brûlée that I sometimes make. It is the best in the world, better than at any restaurant, I shit you not.

8. What sport would be the funniest to add a mandatory starting amount of alcohol to? I’d pay money to see drunken artistic ice skating, that would be hilarious!

9. If you were arrested and it was announced in the local paper with no explanation, what would your friends and family assume you had done? They’d think about a hell of a speeding ticket. I drive like a dude.

10. What would be the single greatest way two countries could settle a problem instead of war? Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock

11. What would be the worst “Buy One Get One Free!” sale of all time? I don’t know... a coffin? Lol

@stellagibsonsgirl‘s 11 questions

1. What’s your favorite food? Hmmm tough... I’d say I couldn’t live without bread

2. What made you interested in joining tumblr? FANFIIIIIIICS

3. What does your living room look like? Hmmm, let’s see. There’s a bookcase filled with my favorite books, a couch that needs to be replaced cause it’s so old it has gaping holes on it, a granny square crochet blanket to hide afore mentioned holes in the couch, a big screen TV, a nice and cozy fireplace, a little nook where I can knit and sit by the fire, chances are there’s also a sleeping cat somewhere, our dinner table, a coffee table full of crap, oh, and there’s a vintage map of the world up on the wall, which, last time I checked, was worth a small fortune 😱

4. Do you have any pets? I just mentioned the laziest cat in the universe...

5. What’s currently on your keychain? A star keychain with my house keys, and the three keychains from the capital cities I visited in the past year or so (London, Madrid, Athens) with my work keys

6. What’s your favorite type of cake? If it has chocolate, I’m your girl...

7. What is the furthest you have travelled from your home? Boston, USA

8. Do you prefer outdoor or indoor activities? Right now, indoors activities. But I’m lucky because my favorite activities (painting/drawing, knitting) can be taken outside when the weather is nice 👍🏼

9. What’s the last concert you’ve been to? Oh gosh... it was a whiiiiiile ago. Hmmm, I don’t even remember which one was the last one!

10. Do you have a life motto you would share with us? What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger

11. What’s the latest item of clothing you have purchased? Shoes! Snow boots to be exact. No, it’s not snowing right now, why do you ask? 🙃

@hallwayperson‘s 11 questions

1. What’s usually the last thing you think about before sleeping? “Is everything ready for tomorrow?…”

2. If you could go back and tell your younger self one thing, what would you say? Guess what? It gets better!

3. What’s the best dream you’ve ever had? I don’t remember dreams that much… I think it was a dream where I was visiting @alldolleduppink in California 😉

4. Who do you admire? I admire people who can stay calm all the time. Those who do so without swearing. I’m a « bad word factory » as the man in my life likes to remind me 🙊

5. What makes a person good? Selflessness. I hate that some people cannot understand that sharing is the key to life.  

6. How do you take your coffee/tea? I take my coffee with a little bit of milk, but I don’t mind it black either. One sugar.

7. Is there something you’ve always wanted to learn but have never gotten around to? I would have loved to learn dozen of languages. It’s never too late, you’ll tell me, but I honestly don’t know where I’d find time now…

8. What’s something you’d like people to know about you? That I’m a genuinely nice person, I guess. That I also have doubts. A lot. That my smile can also hide how I really feel sometimes.

9. What’s your favorite thing about yourself? My selflessness (see question 5)

10. What’s something you wished you’d learned sooner? That what people think of you doesn’t define who you really are.

11. What’s usually the first thing you think about when you wake up? « I want a kiss/a cuddle ». Then I take it from the nearest person awake that’s available, my man or my kid!

#11 questions #about me #to be deleted #personal #non fandom

[chief-1-hunet]

The Witch and the Wonderwheel: Wildflowers

For @ohmygillygoshoppler

Hope ya like~ Sorry it took me centuries.

Nathaniel’s scroll read as this:

“Simoné,

It brought me great pleasure seeing you a fortnight ago. Since then, you’ve invaded my thoughts with everything I do.

If it would not trouble you, I would like to like to see you again. The smile you have bestowed upon me, I wish to return.

There is a realm I would like to show you. I feel it would be best suited to your tastes.

-Nathaniel”

The edges of the scroll were adorned with gold illustrations of flowers. Each time the sunlight hit the page, wisps of gold rose from it, as though the page itself were alive.

Simoné had skimmed over his words several times since she had received them. He wanted to see her again, no, an angel wanted to see her again. She thought it blasphemous that it could even be true. What did he see in her?

Simoné could hear Jordi coming down from the stairs, so she quickly rolled up the scroll and set it on the counter. If Jordi saw her reading it again, she would wouldn’t hear the end of it.

Jordi lazily slid down the stairs and yawned into her sleeved arm. Her messy bun never looked messier, “Morrrniiinng~” she mused.

“Morning,” Simoné hummed back, “Say, you sound pretty cheerful. You’re usually a grump after waking up.”

Jordi went to the Keurig machine and chose a ‘caramel latte’ pod, “You’re right, but today is different!” She pushed the brew button, and grinned.

Simoné raised a brow, “Care to indulgence me, Jojo?”

Jordi sighed contently as she took the coffee cup in her hands and slid towards her roomie with her elbows on the counter. She grinned at Simoné deviously and booped her nose, “You’re going on a date with a certain sooommmeeoonnnneeee~”

The witch immediately retracted from the response. She opened her mouth to speak, but she found no words. She could only blush in response.

“It’s okay to be speechless, Simoné,” she chuckled, “I mean, he is an angel.”

Simoné frowned, pacing over to her incense shrine, “I dunno. It just…” She sighed. Again, she could really find no words to describe how she felt about the whole ordeal. It simply happened. A happy happening, but… she had to darkest feeling that he may end up not liking her.

Jordi watched as the witch set up the incense. Though she disliked the smell of weed and cigarette smoke, she found the smell of incense to be delightful. Dragon’s blood being her favorite.

Simoné gave a prayer after lighting it. Her roommate was aware she was only trying to get her mind off of the conversation previous. Something wasn’t right.

She was nervous.

—

Jordi waited for her witch to finish her spiritual ceremony, and by that time, she had already finished her coffee.

Instead of prying, Jojo decided to switch the subject, “So… Strife called me last night.”

The witch’s eyes immediately widened, and a smile finally showed, “Did he~?”

“Yes,” a sigh, “We talked for awhile.”

“A while?”

“Like… for a few hours?”

Simoné squealed, “Oh my gosh, really?! Are you finally starting to warm up?”

For once, Jordi actually smiled at the thought of him, “Yeah. But I told him I can’t jump right in. We have to develop a deep relationship before, ya know, stuff happens,” she went ahead and made herself some chai tea. She was gonna need it, “When I do relationships, I don’t fuck around. If he’s not being willy nilly about it, then he better come through. He’s got some big shoes to fill,” that last part came off melancholy.

Simoné didn’t really respond, but rather, nodded in acknowledgement to her.

The dark blonde gazed out the window and watched the snowfall. Her birthday was coming up, too. January 9th. Though, she never told Strife that. Not yet, anyway.

She studied the shape of the mountains in the distance. Simoné chose a beautiful place to live after the apocalypse. She was always good at making good atmosphere, anyway.

“You wanna know something?”

Simoné hummed, “What?”

“My dream is to live out in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by sunflower fields, and raise a family,” the thought actually made her tear up, but she shied her face away from the witch. It was fine if she didn’t see.

“That’s beautiful, Jojo,” Simoné stood from her kneeling position, “I hope all your dreams come true.”

Jordi chuckled, “I hope so, too.”

—

It was early afternoon by the time the girls actually got around. Jordi wore her black leggings with an oversized sweater that was fuzzy and warm. Her hair was actually done in a french braid today, with bits of her baby hairs hanging out.

Simoné stepped down the stairs in her new dress. It was a velvety, dark blue gown. Off-the-shoulder, long sleeved, with a sweetheart neck line. A dark blue hijab to match, with beautiful floral embroidery on the trim. Jordi was more than happy to do her makeup before she put on her outfit. A classic smokey eye, and a dark red lipstick. Damn, the witch was a goddess.

Jordi hopped up and down and clapped when she saw her, “OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD, YOU’RE GORGEOUS!!”

Simoné smiled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear bashfully, “Thank you.”

Then, there was a knock at their chamber door~

Simoné took a deep breath, “Okay,” game face, “Let’s do this,” she began to walk over to the door before Jordi stepped in front of her.

“No, madame~ Allow me!” Jordi gracefully opened the door, and was surprised to see that… it wasn’t Nathaniel?

Both Simoné and Jordi cocked their heads, “Death?!”

The reaper of souls nodded in greeting, “Evening,” he scanned Simoné, and basked in her glow, “You look beautiful,” a gentle smile.

Simoné's blush was uncanny at Death’s compliment. Obviously, receiving a compliment from the executioner was quite rare, “Thank you, thank you.”

Jordi interveined, “So, not to be rude, but why ya here, bud?”

He gave a slide chuckle at the nickname, “Bud. Not exactly a suitable term to use.”

Jordi waved her hand, dismissing the comment, “Yeah okay, whatever. Why you here?”

Death pinched Jordi’s side, making her jump and giggle, “I’m here as Simoné’s escort,” his gaze landed on the witch.

Both Simoné and Jordi, again, cocked their heads, “What?”

—

Death had taken Simoné to a Serpent Hole approximately  10 miles out from where the house was. Quite the journey on horseback, but it would all be worth it in the end.

Death had explained that he needed to be an escort because Nathaniel had run into some obstacles trying to come see her. He was finding it harder and harder to get to Earth, especially because of his position as the protector of the Crystal Spire.

But he was able to sneak away to the realm in which he wanted to take Simoné, and that’s where Death came in.

The witch had been through several serpent holes with Death and the rest of the horsemen. She was only nervous now because she knew what was on the other side.

Death met her at her side, rubbing her back, “Rest your nerves. It’s plenty safe, I will be waiting here for you when your little date is over.”

Simoné smiled up at the horsemen, relaxed at his words alone, “Thanks, Death,” to his surprise, she gave him a warm embrace, “You’re the best.”

Death looked down at her small frame, placing a skeletal hand on her back, “It was my pleasure, Simoné. You are there for us when we have need of it, so we will be there for you.”

The witch sighed contently at his words, “Thank you…” She slowly let go of him, and took a deep breath, “Well, here it goes.”

Down the rabbit hole we go~

—

Nathaniel wore his angel robes. To him, they were nothing fancy. Just white, loose trousers, and a white tunic to go with them. What hung from his shoulders was a gold sash that glinted in the moonlight. He kept his wings together neatly with his hands behind his back as he stargazed, waiting for his maiden.

Simoné popped up from the serpent hole, and landed softly in the grass. Nathaniel turned to look at her, and was stunned.

Simoné smiled sweetly at him, with her hands together as if in prayer, “Hey, Nathaniel.”

Nathaniel could only gawk at her before he finally came to his senses and cleared his throat, “Greetings, Simoné. I’m pleasured that you accepted my invitation.”

The witch nodded, “How could I say no?”

This made the angel smile, “I was anxious you would find reason to.”

Simoné blushed. Did he really think that?

“Come,” he held out an arm for her, “There is something you should witness.”

Simoné gladly accepted his arm, and was internally delighted at how warm and muscular it felt.

The angel took the witch over a hill and introduced her to a beautiful view of a meadow abundant with wildflowers with glowing petals, so there was no need for a light source other than the two moons in the sky. One moon glowed a blue hue, while the other, a golden yellow. Just beyond the meadow lied a wooded area. Glowing mushrooms could be seen leading to a path within it.

Nathaniel’s milky gaze landed on the maiden at his side, trying to interpret her reaction, “I thought of you when I laid eyes upon it, though,” he looked out to the meadow, “It cannot compare.”

Needless to say, Simoné needed to pinch herself to make sure she wasn't dead and this was the afterlife.

—

Jordi sat in the living room watching the fire crackle. She was left by herself after the two of them left. She was happy for her friend, very happy. Simoné deserved it.

She smiled at the thought.

Her phone buzzed:

DINGUS (Strife): did simoné leave with death yet?

Jordi: Yeah y

DINGUS (Strife): mind if i come see you?

The wonderwheel sighed, but it wasn't an unhappy one:

Jordi: Wow, you're actually asking nicely? lol

DINGUS (Strife): bonus points?

Jordi: sure, bud

DINGUS (Strife): so?

Jordi: yes, you can come over

Jordi: AND BRING MY JACKET, ASSWIPE

DINGUS (Strife): ;) i’ll think about it

Jordi: please, hurry, I'm getting sleepy

DINGUS (Strife): Perfect~

Jordi: Strife

DINGUS (Strife): Alright, alright

—

Simoné was on her way back from her experience with the angel. It was…

Amazing.

Death rode fast, trying to get her home as fast as possible.

Simoné dreamt the whole way home, the smile never leaving her face. Death was happy to see it.

Once they arrived, Simoné thanked her apocalyptic friend one last time before going inside to find Strife sitting on her couch.

Strife looked up at Simoné grinning, and spoke in his thick aussie accent, “Sooo, Sheila, how’d it go?”

Simoné took a deep breath in, and slowly exhaled, “Dreamy.”

Strife nodded, “Glad to here it.”

Simoné then realized, “Hey, where’s wonderwheel?”

Strife gestured to his lap, “Sleepin’”

There she was, her head resting on his lap while he continued to pet her scalp. She made little noises in her sleep, which he loved so much.

“Cute,” Simoné chuckled.

Strife agreed, “Yeah, she is,” he poked the witch on the shoulder, still grinning, “So, what happened? Spill it.”

Simoné blushed at the question, trying to hide her face, “Well, we kissed.”

Jordi immediately jumped from her slumber liked she had come back from the dead, “YOU WHAT?!”

Strife snickered, “I knew you weren’t really asleep.”

#darksiders #darksidersau #ohmygillygoshoppler #nathaniel x simóne #cuteness #strife #death #nathaniel #jordi #the witch and the wonderwheel

[sopewriters]

Get to Know the Admins~

Hey Guys!! 

We’re so ecstatic to have reached yet another milestone in such a short time. How long has it been? seven months? Time flies by when you’re having such a great time. 

And most importantly, we’d like to thank all of you dedicated and sweet people for reading our fics, leaving a like and even reblogging them. Your efforts never fail to put a smile on our face :) 

Although we love seeing you guys in our notifications, we’d also love seeing you in our inbox, anonymous or not, so to help you all out, we made this ‘get to know the admins’ post so that you can see we’re just as awkward and funny as the rest of you :) 

So let’s get to it~

1. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED?

M: Closed, I get super paranoid about these things.

S: Same, tbh. 

2. DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS?

S: um, *laughs nervously* sometimes I guess lol 

M: Lmao, criminal activity or wut? Tho I’ve done it a lot when i was younger, tbh. 

3. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT?

M: Tucked out. It’s too stuffy otherwise.

S: How does one sleep with it tucked in? I’m all for tucked out 

4. HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE?

S: Lol no?

M: Same, but it sounds interesting enough. Wanna go try it out? xD

5. DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST-IT NOTES?

M: Yes, I am super obsessed with them. My desk is sort of decorated with sticky notes right now, actually.

S: I like them, they’re nice and organized but I cannot, for the life of me, get them to stick properly Istg 

6. DO YOU CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM?

S: I don’t usually shop so I don’t even have coupons lol 

M: Sometimes yes.

7. WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES?

M: A bear, because I could still run away.

S: SAME, I hate bees

8. DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES?

S: Unfortunately not 

M: Nope.

9. DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES?

M: What is a smile, but a fleeting lie? Jk, I don’t

S: I always smile, whether it be for photos or just in general. Although Midnight does have a way of ruining my life :)

M: Rude. I’m a nice person, I promise.

10. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE?

S: I don’t really know. I guess when people who you take care of and are generous to, treat you like shit?

M: Somehow, I feel like that’s me TT. I have quite a few pet peeves, actually, but to name one: you know when people crowd into your personal space? Yeah, it’s the worst :’(

S: And I know for a fact that you’re referring to me there but that’s okay because I love you~~

M: Why.

11. DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK?

M: No, not really, unless I’m climbing the stairs and want to reach the top as soon as possible (I’ve had to climb like 4000 stairs before, ok)

S: Sometimes but not really, I lose track of things rather easily.

12. HAVE YOU PEED IN THE WOODS?

S: Not that I remember

M: Lol, nope.

13. HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS?

M: Lol, nope.

S: Nope~

14. DO YOU EVER DANCE EVEN IF THERES NO MUSIC PLAYING?

S: *remembers the night before*  Yes and my parents think I might be possessed?

M: This morning lmao. I don’t really like to do that in front of other people, so it’s confined to my room.Usually occurs when I feel super, weirdly happy.

15. DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS?

M: Nope, I mean that sounds unhygienic af. But, I know someone who does so...*meaningful glare*

S: *Cries* Unfortunately it is a habit that has persisted since childhood and I’m too lazy to do anything about it. 

16. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK?

S: Fictionally: 10+    In reality: None 

M: ...None?

17. WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED?

M: Queen-sized.

S: Same, but I promise, we don’t sleep in the same bed... or do we? ;)

M: Yuck. 

18. WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK?

S: Don’t Recall - K. A. R. D.

M: Seo In Guk’s ‘Bebe’ has fucked my life up ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

19. IS IT OK FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK?

M: Why the hell not. Go for it kids.

S: Uhm, of course, why not?

20. DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS?

S: ....Sometimes but in my defense, kids these days have like super chic shit 

M: Maybe, maybe not....okay I do. Occasionally, but it’s ‘coz I have like a 2 year old living with me.

21. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE?

M: ‘The Great Wall’ because ma boi Lu Han is fucked over...jk, it’s actually a pretty good movie.

S: Those dumb ass movies with predictable plot and shit

22. WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME?

S: In my backyard but make like a really complicated map for it just to fuck with people lol. 

M: In my bank account. I wouldn’t bury it, but investment dudes.

23. WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER?

M: Water. Obviously. Hopefully.

S: Same or like maybe sometimes soft drinks~

24. WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN?

S: Barbeque shiz or like Ranch 

M: I’m like vegetarian, so grass? JK, I wouldn’t eat it in the first place, I promise I don’t actually eat grass.

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?

M: I usually like spicy stuff. Pani Puri’s good too, if you know what I’m talking about.

S: Literally anything with good cooked chicken. You can never go wrong with chicken. Unless you don’t know how to cook. In which case, you’re fucked. 

26. WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE?

S: Harry potter, Lord of the rings and all the good ol’ classics 

M: Harry Potter’s one of those types, yes. But I also like to revert occasionally to my childhood--Robin Hood was good. aND sECRETLY, gREATLY HITS ME IN THE FEELS EVERY TIME HELP

27. LAST PERSON KISSED YOU?

M: I think...my mom? Or my brother? Idek.

S: My father, after I wished him happy birthday today!

28. WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE?

S: Hmmm.... Maybe? Probably not tbh

M: Hahahahahahahaha. Nah, bro.

29. BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST?

M: I usually enjoy omelettes, sunny side up. Hash browns rock too.

S: I always have toast and cheese omelettes but I love pancakes and waffles with maple syrup

30. WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME?

S: I don’t have one since I don’t really sleep so...

M: 10...gdi. Also, I don’t support your sleep schedule, I hope you know that.

31. ARE YOU LAZY?

M: Why would you say such a thing? Of course I am.

S: Depends. With studies and work: yes. Fanfiction: You can wake me up at 3 am and if I’m inspired, I will not hesitate to write a 10k fanfic.

32. WHEN YOU WERE A KID, WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN?

S: I never really dressed up but if I did, I’d probably be a vampire 

M: I dressed up as Gabriella from High School Musical, once. But the most memorable one was the time I dressed up like Aurora. Man, those were good days.

33. WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN?

M: Rabbit, lmao.

S: Same! 

34. HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK?

S: English, Hindi, French, Slight Korean and Japanese (Very very little)

M: English, Telugu, and Spanish. I tried learning Danish via Edmodo, but I only know how to say ‘a bear eats bread’ or something. I understand a bunch of other languages, but can’t speak them (A++ for well-roundedness)

35. ARE YOU STUBBORN?

M: Maybe, maybe not. Who knows?

S:I know and you’re not -.- But I am~  

36. EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS?

S: YES YES YES!! Currently on the 49th episode of Our Gab Soon and still watching. Will it ever end? We will probably never know. 

M: My life revolves around soap operas...so like idek.

37. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS?

M: No, not really. Rollercoasters are the bomb yes

S: Extremely. How people can enjoy being thrown down a height in a metal contraption is beyond me. 

38. DO YOU SING IN THE CAR?

S: Yes! Very much and it bothers Midnight a lot on the bus. 

M:Tell me about it -_- But it’s okay, I’ve gotten used to it. I usually sing in the car if there’s no one there besides my parents, but not anywhere else.

39. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?

M: I used to, until I realized my neighbors could hear me.

S: Yes, rather loudly considering my grandma downstairs can hear me. 

40. DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR?

S: Not much really. I’m not a dancer. 

M:You mean wiggle around? SURE I DO~

41. IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL?

M: Always. Do I look like I’m made of money?? But it’s fun too, so it’s all worth it :)

S: Not really. I love Christmas and it’s the joy of giving that makes me super happy the entire month. That and the fact that I’m done with my exams by then!

42. OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID?

S: Botanist. I was a huge fan of plants. Now, not so much. 

M: Funny you ask. I wanted to do a LOT of things: teacher, journalist, author, lawyer, marine biologist...the list goes on and on.

43. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS?

M: I don’t want to think about it ;_;

S: Yes and I’m both fascinated and terrified. 

44. EVER HAVE A DEJA-VU FEELING?

S: All the damn time. It’s really weird. 

M: Yeah, same. My entire family thinks I’m weird now, but what can I say?

45. WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED?

M: Pajamas, usually. I don’t really pay attention, as long as I’ve got baggy pants and a loose T-shirt, it’s all good.

S: Shirts and shorts mostly~

46. IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING?

S: Kpop idol? JK, probably something related to the science, idk man, I don’t really have any preference

M: I sort of do? Like, I’ve always had a preference for someone who’s either a lawyer or a chef, because I can’t cook for shit. I need someone for that so...

47. EVER BEEN IN LOVE?

M: I think I’m not ready for that yet lmao. But no, I don’t think I’ve ever been in love :))

S:HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME ;-; AFTER ALL THE LOVE I GIVE YOU!?!?!?Jk, but yes, I think I’ve been in love and currently am :) 

M: <3

48. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?

S: Black and Red!  

M:greengreengreENYAS--

49. DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY?

M: Nah, that’s Sangria’s thing

S: -.- I didn’t ask for this discrimination

50. DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING?

S: Band all the way!! 

M: Same, I don’t have any good experiences with DJs.

51. WHICH ARE BETTER: BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES?

M: Black olives duh??? But I don’t mind green olives either.

S:Same, tbh 

52. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED?

S: YES! YES! YEEESS!!!!

M: Maybe, but there’s a long time for me to figure that out lmao.

#get to know the admins #admins #admin sangria #admin midnight #dumb shit for all ya'll

[ladyloveandjustice]

The Great Ace Attorney Replay: Trials and Tribulations, Case 5, the final part

Phoenix and Miles meet and Miles basically gives him a motivational speech

“U GOTTA FIGHT WRIGHT!!!” 

And Phoenix is all “YEAH U DON’T HAVE TO TELL ME!!!!”

“I KNOW U CAN DO IT U HAVE THAT LOOK IN YOUR EYE YOU’RE GONNA DO IT”

“YEAH I’M GONNA DO IT GONNA GET THIS GUY!”

And then they double high-five in the middle of the lobby or something.

Miles:  I leave the rest in your capable hands... partner.

PARTNER IN LAW. PARTNER IN LIFE. PARTNER IN LOVE. AMIRITE.

I dunno how chatty I’ll be during this trial because there are only so many ways to say “I hate Godot so much”. (Note from the future- I will still be chatty).

Dahlia is so good at being passive aggressive during this whole trial. I like this heartless serial murderer so much better than u Godot.

And we finally reveal that Dahlia is in the courtroom hanging with us, not Iris

Phoenix: Did you say the plan was to kill Maya?

Dahlia: Yes? You got a problem with that?

YES DAHLIA I KNOW YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND OR LIKE FEELINGS BUT MOST PEOPLE WOULD HAVE A PROBLEM WITH SOMEONE TRYING TO KILL THEIR BESTIE.  

She insisting Maya is dead and this part:

Phoenix: Th-That's absurd! M-Maya is just... She's just trapped! Trapped inside the Sacred Cavern!

Dahlia: Really...? You're as foolishly optimistic as ever, aren't you... my darling Feenie?

Phoenix: ...!

Dahlia: Do you want to know the truth? Ever since we met... I've despised you. Your sniveling naïveté and your pathetic faith in other people.

Just always give me chills. SHE’S SO DELICIOUSLY EVIL.

I mean she’s basically going “HAHA LOOK AT YOU CARING ABOUT PEOPLE AND HAVING EMOTIONS. LOSER.”

Dahlia was super disappointed when she couldn’t take revenge on Mia from beyond the grave. OR COULD SHE? She decided to “go after the person Mia Fey loved most.”

HEY GODOT. DO YOU HEAR THAT. MAYA IS THE PERSON MIA LOVES MOST IN THE WORLD. AND YET YOU PUT HER IN DANGER FOR YOUR STUPID EGO. IT’S ALMOST LIKE YOU DIDN’T REALLY LOVE MIA AND ONLY LOVE YOURSELF.

AT LEAST DAHLIA’S HONEST ABOUT HER ISSUES.

Ohh yeesh I forgot how intense this got. Dahlia tries to convince Phoenix that Maya accidentally killed her mother, then killed herself out of guilt. Phoenix is of course like “WTF NO” but you can see him starting to panic. IT IS PHOENIX’S ETERNAL CURSE TO THINK HIS LOVED ONES HAVE COMMITTED SUICIDE.

At least it only lasts two seconds this time.

Christ, both Phoenix and especially Maya need so much therapy after this case. Pearl too.

GUESS WHAT MAYA REALLY DID. GOT HER SIS’S ADVICE AND CHANNELED DAHLIA HERSELF SO DAHLIA COULDN’T KILL HER. The moment where Mia appears and is like “lol owned” will always be one of the greatest moments in Ace Attorney.

Haha I forgot how HARD Phoenix and Mia verbally eviscerate Dahlia. They tag-team it too.

Phoenix: WOW GEE THAT SURE DIDN’T WORK OUT DID IT DAHLIA. SURE GOT OWNED HARD THERE.

Mia: OF COURSE YOU MUST BE USED TO GETTING OWNED BY NOW.

Dahlia: what no shut up

Phoenix: Did that kidnapping thing- owned by Mia Fey. Tried to kill me- LOOK WHO’S STILL ALIVE, MOTHERFUCKER! AND BY SHEER DUMB LUCK THAT MAKES IT EVEN WORSE HAHA! Poisoned some other dudes- owned by Mia Fey.

Dahlia: YEAH WELL…WELL…YOU HAVE FEELINGS AND FEELINGS ARE DUMB…

Phoenix: Tried to kill Maya…owned by Mia Fey….

Dahlia: STOP LOOKING SO GODDAMN SMUG IF IT WASN’T FOR MIA FEY YOU WOULD HAVE GOTTEN EXECUTED INSTEAD OF ME. I ONLY DIED BECAUSE OF MIA FEY.

Mia: True!

Dahlia: ….

Mia: Looks like no matter what I’ll always own you. Even death cannot stop me from owning you. For all eternity you’ll be Dahlia Hawthorne: That lady who got super owned by Mia Fey

Dahlia: but HOW COULD I LOSE?

Phoenix: Hey Dahlia, guess what! Nobody gives a shit.

*Phoenix and Mia high five*

Phoenix: Now GTFO of Maya.

SO SATISFYING. EPIC HERO-VILLAIN LADY RIVALRIES ARE MY EVERYTHING and Mia and Dahlia hit my sweet spot. SUCH A PASSIONATE HATE-ON. And Phoenix getting to be spell out exactly how badly she messed up after everything she did to him and how he looked down on him for his dumb feelings-it’s the best

THIS SURE WOULD BE A GREAT WAY TO END THE CASE. BUT NO WE GOTTA DEAL WITH GODOT’S BULLSHIT.

Like seriously. He could just confess that he murdered Misty Fey RIGHT NOW and not waste everyone’s fucking time. BUT NO. Let’s drag Maya, who is completely exhausted and deeply traumatized after almost being killed and witnessing the murder of her own mother, onto the witness stand and make her relive the entire horrible experience YOU PUT HER THROUGH because you don’t give a shit about anything other than ~testing~ Phoenix.

I like that Dahlia has a backstory where you can see where her “look out for number one” and “feelings are dumb” mindset came from. Her Mom abandoned her, her dad set an example by loving no one, ditching people when they were inconvenient for him and only caring about money. You can see why she decided to do the same. It doesn’t excuse what she did obvs, but there is a logical thread to her actions beyond “she’s just a demon child” and that gives her some dimension as a character, even while being so unrepentantly evil.

Mia makes sure Nick’s realized Godot was the killer and then says she’s gonna peace out- I’m sure you could give a lot of explanations for why she recused herself from the trial indicting Godot (like her ~feelings~ ugh)- but I’m gonna  say its cuz she knew if she spent any more time in Godot’s presence she wouldn’t be able to restrain herself from running across the courtroom and beating the shit out of him for putting her little sister in danger and killing her mother for the sake of his macho revenge fantasy.

She would have been fine doing that normally, but she’s in Pearl’s body right now and she doesn’t want Pearl to suddenly wake up with a man’s blood on her hands. She’s been through enough.

 SO IT’S UP TO PHOENIX.

Godot fucking yelling at Maya not to cry after all the bullshit he put her through and the fact she wouldn’t have to even be on this stand reliving this bullshit if he just fucking owned up to what he did I HATE HIM SO MUCH.

She’s trying so hard to protect him NO MAYA IT WAS HIS FAULT THIS SHIT HAPPENED TO YOU

Like he knew Morgan has hidden the note! He found it! It was unsealed when Pearl found it! He could have just taken the note! That is literally all he had to do! That’s not all! He could have explained to Pearl why she couldn’t listen to her mother! He could have TOLD MAYA SOMEONE WAS TRYING TO KILL HER.

But nope. He just leaves to note for Pearl and lets everyone go through with this entire murder attempt because he wanted to “save Maya” and feel all manly. HE. IS. NOT. WORTH. PROTECTING.

The only good part about Maya protecting Godot is seeing her call Nick out on the holes in his logic. AND U THOUGHT U HAD IT TOUGH WITH MILES.

And also! At one point the judge says Maya will be suspected for the murder if Phoenix can’t prove it’s Godot! So he the possibility of Maya going to jail/being executed in his place literally came up and Godot STILL didn’t confess. WOW  DEEP LOVE FOR HIS BELOVED’S MOST TREASURED PERSON HE HAS THERE.

Defeating him is so satisfying at least. BLOWIN’ YOUR MASK UP.

 And in the end, even he admits he wasn’t really concerned with saving Maya…because he didn’t tell Phoenix what was going on. OKAY. OR ACTUALLY YOU COULD HAVE TOLD MAYA HERSELF. I’m not saying Nick would not have probably been more helpful to Maya’s situation than you were, because literally anyone would be, but THE BEST WAY for her not to get murdered is to tell her “HEY MORGAN FEY IS TRYING TO SUMMON SOMEONE TO MURDER YOU THROUGH PEARL, MAYBE TALK TO PEARL ABOUT THIS AND ALSO DON’T GO ANYWHERE ALONE FOR A WHILE.”

Like even after admitting he messed up and his grudge against Phoenix makes no fucking sense, he still does the exact same shit! Only men are people worthy of being told anything! Women aren’t allowed to know what’s happening to them! They don’t get to make decisions about their own lives! Only men can make decisions for them!

And he STILL makes Mia’s death about him and how he “failed to protect her”. It is just so disrespectful to her, acting like he could have somehow done something she didn’t to prevent her death when he couldn’t even protect HIMSELF from being poisoned. Mia died doing what she believed in. She knew the risks and she accomplished her goal. She was satisfied. Her death was about her, not Phoenix and definitely not YOU.

So no, I really don’t feel sorry for him, nn matter how much the game wants me to.

I’m always kinda ehhh about the reveal Iris was subbing for Dahlia. I mean it’s nice for Nick and all and it is incredibly unlikely Dahlia would have had the patience go on all those dates with Phoenix and pretend she gave a shit, she would have murdered him the first night.

But on another level it’s feels unnecessary to say “see Phoenix was right to believe in her, because he wasn’t REALLY dating Dahlia, it was Iris and she did actually care about him!” Like, Phoenix’s belief in people is a positive thing, but I think it’s more meaningful if he’s y’know, not always unfailingly correct.

Having faith in people means sometimes you can have people not worthy of that faith take advantage of it. And I think the thing with Dahlia impacted Phoenix and helped him realize he can’t just be a total doormat for people and believe in them even when shit’s clearly suspicious. This was an important lesson for Phoenix, and also something that left him with some issues. Being like “oh yeah but he was also right kind of” just kinda dilutes that.

It doesn’t RUIN it, since he still did trust someone he absolutely should not have trusted in Dahlia and the betrayal had a lasting impact on him regardless of Iris’s involvement, but it’s just like “eh” for me.

Also it comes off like they were trying to set her up as a potential love interest- obviously they didn’t actually go through with it since she is NEVER MENTIONED AGAIN after this- but egh, if they had... it doesn’t work on so many levels and I’m not just saying that because it disrupts the otp. Like first of all, she did still lie to Phoenix about who she was for months (I hope they didn’t have sex because that could. Technically be a crime on your part, Iris) and I can’t see that baggage being easy to deal with.

Also, I hate to say it, but Iris is boring. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with her, but her connection to Dahlia and the insight on her she provided is about the only thing interesting about her. Her entire personality can be summed up as “shy and nice”. Which is fine. Not every character has to be the fascinating, and she served her function in the plot. But in a series full of quirky, complex, dynamic characters, it’s kinda like. Literally anyone would have a more entertaining romantic dynamic with Phoenix.

(Not saying that Iris couldn’t have potentially been turned into a more interesting character if writers had been interested in it. There’s a lot to work with, considering her tragic past. But as it stood in the game, there’s zero spark there)

Also, judging from the people he’s closest to and spends the most time with, Nick prefers to hang around people who are the opposite of demure, who he can banter and argue with constantly. HE REALLY LIKES ARGUING. IT’S HIS CHOSEN CAREER. I think there was even an interview where the writers said Nick’s type is “someone who would boss him around”. And Iris is not that person. (And Phoenix is also way more sarcastic now than he was in college and I’m not sure if she’d be into that either.)

So yeah I’M GLAD THEY DIDN’T GO THROUGH WITH THAT basically.

I AM glad we went through with putting Godot in jail though. Mia’s just like “nope, don’t feel guilty, it’s fine, this was the best thing to do for him”. I will cling to my theory that she is super disgusted with him. U can’t take it away.

Lol at Maya deciding she’s on a first name basis with Franziska and they’re friends now and being able to make her be nice to Larry just by pouting. Thus a ship was born. They really would have had a fun dynamic I wish we could see more of it.

There’s also the part where Fran is genuinely confused with why Maya is being so cheerful in the wake of losing her parent:

Edgeworth: ...Wright. You seem to be uncharacteristically puzzled. I suspect you are wondering how Maya can be so cheerful despite all that has happened?

Phoenix: Y-Yeah...

Franziska: To be honest... I can't understand it either.

Phoenix: (Franziska... That's right... She lost her father fairly recently as well...)

So she does seem to sympathize with Maya and seem really interested in why her reaction to grief is so different from hers. when Miles and Phoenix say they get why Maya’s doing this, she DEMANDS TO KNOW. What is WITH Maya Fey, how does she work, Fran is fascinated. 

She’s learning about things she doesn’t understand and expanding her worldview thanks to Maya already and that could be another interesting bit of their relationship to explore- similar trauma, different ways of coping, they can sort of connect and learn from each other on that level.

I’ve mentioned that I really like Miles and Maya’s friendship, and this little dialogue exchange coming up is kinda the culmination of that. It’s not just that they both like the Steel Samurai, or both know Nick or anything- they actually have a pretty deep connection and weird understanding of each other. They both witnessed a parent die, they both experienced trauma connected to the DL-6 incident- Miles understands what Maya’s going through in a way Phoenix doesn’t, because Phoenix hasn’t experienced the same loss. And he sees the pain under her cheerful attitude.

Miles: I think I understand how she feels. Maya is a much wiser person than she appears, and I think she realizes something... Now is exactly the time when she needs to be as strong as she can.

Franziska; Wh-What do you mean by, "Now is exactly the time"...?

Edgeworth: Maya wasn't the only one that was badly wounded by this incident. In fact, there was someone that was hurt far more deeply than she. I believe it's for that person that Maya is trying her best not to cry.

Phoenix: (Someone who was hurt more deeply than Maya...) Edgeworth... I think I'm starting to understand, too.)

(She’s doing it for Pearl)

Phoenix: After all, the reason [Pearl] she worked so hard to follow the instructions... ...was because she loved and believed in her mother, Morgan. "It's for the good of the Fey clan"... I'm sure she believed in every last word. She thought she was doing it for Maya... That's why she was so happy. It shows how truly devoted she is to Maya.

Edgeworth: But it's a cruel irony that it was her exuberance that led to this tragedy. Maya Fey's mother was killed and Maya herself was put into the deepest peril imaginable.

Phoenix: (And that's exactly why Maya is putting on a brave face... She's doing it for Pearls's sake... Until she can see her smile again...)

I mentioned this in my last liveblog, but not only is Miles familiar with trying to be “strong” in the wake of tragedy, he also gets what Maya’s doing for Pearl because he’s sort of trying to do the same thing for Franziska right now- he’s pretty messed up over all the von Karma stuff. But he doesn’t blame Franziska for the connection she had to the person who ruined his life or for her attempts to be loyal to him. He recognizes Franziska is just as messed up over the revelations with VK and just as damaged by him, if not more so. So he’s trying to be strong and set a good example for Franziska right now, leaving the past behind and helping them both move one with their lives. And that is exactly the situation with Maya and Pearl.

So yeah, in addition to all the other things Maya and Miles have in common, they both basically have little sisters they feel responsible for and want to help and understand that about each other. ACE OLDER SIBLINGS.

Maya does indeed ace it as a big sis and manages to reassure and comfort Pearl. Her mother is gone, but Nick and Pearl are always there for her, and she loves her family.

Phoenix decided to end the trilogy with a dramatic monologue:

 "It's only natural for living creatures to fight to protect their own lives. But what makes us human is that we fight for others. But who do you fight for? How hard must you fight...? That's the true measure of what human life is worth.

CAN YOU TELL THIS BOY WAS AN ART MAJOR BECAUSE I SURE CAN/.

"We defense attorneys are warriors who are constantly challenged by that question' 

Yeah you’re a warrior champ. Whatever makes you feel cool.

"Even when the battle is over, and the bonds that connect us are severed... We always return... Time and time again. Mia, Maya, Pearl [REDACTED I HATE HIM]... I learned that... from all of them."

 I’M GLAD HE’S LEARNED THIS AMAZING WISDOM ABOUT LIFE FROM THE AWESOME FEYS  AND ABSOLUTELY NO ONE ELSE.

Gr8 anime protagonist speech Phoenix. Your heart has been made fullmetal.

NOW IT’S CREDITS TIME.

Maya: I'll really have to work extra hard now! Master of Kurain and the office manager of Wright & Co. Law Offices. And I have to be a good big sister to Pearly and Nick, too!

Other things Franziska and Maya have in common: insisting guys older than them are their “little brothers”. I love it. YOU BIG SIS THE HELL OUT OF NICK, MAYA, TEACH HIM THE WAY OF THE WORLD.

Maya: Well, as long as I'm not locked up or captured or something like that.

Sorry about ur life Maya. Things will indeed not get better for you in that respect *sigh*.

Franziska taught Adrian how to use a whip everyone must now bow down to their dom lesbian overlords.

Nick actually went with Maya to her special meditation course and did the whole thing with her AMAZING. He’s like an honorary Fey now, which is probably terrifying.

Well, that finishes the game! God this game is so weird, It would definitely be my favorite- it has a lot of great parts, I love playing it, you really get a little of everyone, but it also has to have the most SUPREMELY ANNOYING PARTS in the whole series aka Godot’s whole existence. So I can’t say for sure it’s my fave because of that. But maybe it is. I don’t know. Why’s Godot gotta complicate everything.

Anyway, next up is Apollo Justice. Which on my first playthrough, it’s my least favorite game of the current six in the main series. Let’s see if I’ll have a better opinion of it this time or stand by that assessment.

#the great ace attorney replay #sailor queuepiter

[thegeminisage]

hella spoilery zeldablogging from earlier tonight

feel kind of bad cause i had to look up the gerudo maze desert thing but i was SOOO close on my own

oh my god there's a lady over here by this shrine failing at cooking and all the recipes she teaches me give me dubious food

there are PILES of rotting garbage that have flies around them and the thing in the pot is sending up this black cloud of smoke lmao

wow the blood moon came in the middle of me clearing out an enemy camp :/

good god there's a stable out here in all this deep snow? how?? would the horses not, like, die?

aww beedle's here but he's cold ):

WOW you can upgrade the boy gerudo clothes but not the GIRL ones? that is SEXIST

oh noooo shield surfing DOES damage your shield i hate this i love my current shield what if i can't find another!!!!!

lol the ridge tower si surrounded by water and electric enemies. Great

omg i found the royal lab ruins ):

ok, i gotta begin prioritizing here

while i'd LIKE to complete all 120 shrines before i beat the game just for the armor, i don't think that's going to be possible - i haven't even unlocked some of them yet bc i don't have the snowballs or the quest takes so long

but the most important thing to me is memories

so after i check out all the ridge shrines on this map i'm gonna get the hyrule field map as well and get those memories

and i'll just save a lot and if i fuck something up and trigger endgame stuff i'll reload

god idk how to do this trial on the thunderplanes so like...im gonna let it be

see? i could never do all 120 before tmrw night

PLEASE this memory i just got was so cute zelda was being a nerd over plants and caught a frog she wanted link to eat :')

i love this zelda like i'm super not crazy about her voice actress sounding much older than i think of her as, and the fantasy british accent, but she has so much more personality than many of the others

ah, and i see now why she loved the silent proncess so...can't be grown domestically, only thrives in the wild

much like herself if you watch some of the other memories haha she feels trapped by her own destiny that's easy to see

i think it's super clever how even with a map you still have to look around for shrines bc they are hidden semi-underground

and i wish i had more time to stop and enjoy the little things like that, but i CAN come back and explore later, i can't unlearn a plot point

this spoiler fear might be a little baseless...tbh i also want to finish the main story tho bc like

i want it to be something i play in my free time, not something i obsess over 24/7 and HAVE to play and think about all the time

it's been a beautiful fun and absolutely life-changing experience but also it's been two weeks and i gotta get back to my actual life, i can't be Like This indefinitely

i'm kinda stunned that it took me this ling tbh? like, even skyyward sword was like a week and a half the first time iirc and i did that at like, a pace where i could stop and explore, i remember thinking how huge skyward sword was

omg im so glad i decided to ride epona down to where i need to go next rather than fast travel + walk bc 1. faster maybe? and 2. THE MAIN THEME PLAYS WHEN YOU'RE ON EPONA OVER THE NORMAL HORSE THEME i could weep

KASS IS BY THIS BRIDGE HI BUDDY I LOVE YOU

i solved the puzzle! this time im talking to him BEFORE i go in

he told me it was stupendous ;_; thanks pal

aw dude another memeory and it played the trailer music but

is zelda really only SIXTEEN about to turn seventeen? how old is link?? i guess under 21/18 if they wouldn't let him drink...

jesus, they're just babies ;_;

also, she quoted link's horse advice so like

this + the dialogue options gives the feeling that he does actually speak, you know? so as much as i love mute link i also like these glimpses into his personality as well, bc he's always been such a blank slate

he's empathetic, playful, sometimes downright goofy, and very tenacious - confident, but not in a cocky way, and obviously always a bit shaken when he gets a memory back

it's nice getting to know him a bit, even if you have to patch most of it together - kinda like narrachara lol

;w; it's so nice to have epona gallop over when i call her again

omg i think i found kass's house! i see his journal :3

haha i got this song "when the blood moon rises stand naked on that platform" ok nintendo

i wonder if you get all the puzzles do you get to tell him who you are ):

im tempted to unlock this one now lol

like, it takes a long time to get here and it's almost the blood moon

SIGH this is gonna take awhile but it'll save me time later

oh lmao it was JUST the blood moon so i'd actually have to wait a SUPER long time nvm tbh

well. welp. welly well well

i guess.......its time for hyrule field tower

Im Scared

wow. holy shit. i can see the great plateau from here...and it looks so small. i can see the temple of time, i can see the tower from which i first saw hyrule castle. i can even see the little path i nearly followed, when catching sight of my first moblin and becoming curious, before i got myself back on track. damn. Damn. i have come FULL CIRCLE, holy shit

and like, it's just the way i played it. hyrule castle for last. but you know? i love that shit. journeys ending the way they began. gets me in the feels every time

i'll be honest, THIS i could really stop and explore. forget those awful snowy mountains. this is where the #history is

oh god. i see a guardian down near that tower. please god don't let it be a mobile one

FUCK

i saw two still ones and relaxed and a mobile one snuck up RIGHT FUCKING BEHIND ME

[wheezing]

i don't wanna stop and grind but i worry i might HAVE to get some guardian armor before i can do this, even just one piece...!

i have a diamond circlet so all i'd need from the prof is the chest and/or legs........oh god. jesus fuck

motherFUCKER the range on those still ones, i wish i had been able to take them out...!

oh jesus i made it

this is it. final tower. thank fuck

there'll be more guardians, way more. i gotta at least check and see if i can afford some arrows without setting myself back further for the armor

i think i had all the mats i needed actually i just needed cash...maybe i can cook to earn some since i sold my monster parts

k, i only have enough gears for the chest OR legs, and i don't have enough rupees for either... :/

i COULD buy some arrows and still have enough mats for the armor but then i'd be setting myself back HUGELY re: rupees

ok, i FINALLY got the chest, jesus, now i can go back to hyrule field

altho it doesnt have any def and without even going to the fountain i know i cant upgrade it so rly is it worth it at all, but w/e

also, i read online that if you can learn the timing of parrying their lasers they go down REALLY easily but i suck so much at combat

i guess i'll just wear my anti-guardian stuff, i have daruk and mipha's abilities and fairies AND FAST TRAVEL if anything goes wrong

YES i did it holy FUCK

oh my god! three-shotted!

oh

i just climbed a small hill and got my first look at the rolling green plains...i missed you

no, no, i gotta go get epona to make this perfect, there's a stable i can warp us both to

omg it's the very first people i ever encountered outside the great plateau again

NOOO i hit epona when i was aiming for a monster baby i'm sorry!!!

i gave her an apple and some pats to say sorry ;w;

"legend says that an ancient voice resonates inside that sword...can you hear it yet, hero?"

frankly i'm glad they finally got their timeline shit together bc even tho the games are SO far apart im LOVING these continuity nods

yeesh, only two memories left but they're both RIGHT at the castle...im scared LOL

): i wouldn't feel right taking epona any further

reasons i never have money: cannot physically stop myself from buying arrows

oh, hyrule field is just beautiful ;___;

ohh god im scared

its fine its fine they wouldnt put a memory that close to the castle and then make you go back to impa if hat wasnt POSSIBLE its gonna be ok

awww no zelda sees link as a living reminder of her own failures?? whyyy

ha i love fighting guardians for the first time in ages im like COME TO ME LET US BATTLE

im uh. still working on the timing, but

oh JESUS

my mouth fell open in horror i climbed over a wall to get to the outsideish of the castle (castle town ruins, so says my map) and

the music was already creepy but jesus CHRIST

there's no color except for that blight evil goop stuff...no life...it's awful

poor hyrule, oh god

it's a lot like finding hyrule castle town devastated in oot when you first wake up, except of course this time we've nothing to compare it to visually, only emotionally...

i see a fuckton of guardians too so its a good thing i learned not to be scared of them

ok, god, i can do it, just one memory, i know RIGHT where it is

apparently the hylian shield is in here too and i am sooo sorely tempted

i mean if i have to get that fucking close anyway...

lord i googled it and apparently this memory is super hard to get you gotta Activate some shit but they did it this way they made it so you have to go back out i know i'll be able to come back out i WILL

ah, apparently you need to fight a stalnox for the hylian shield.ok. ok. good, great, Nice, Perfect

haha im soooo scared ;_;

ok, apparently the two paths are COMPLETELY different, so One Thing At A Time

we'll start with the memory, it's more important

tbh, i can't even bring myself to go in. i gotta go around anyway to get to the starting point of this path so i will

lmao i am almost PHYSICALLY ILL with dread this is SO stressful

JESUS

the music went all scary and the map is in 3D like a beast!! which i knew but it's so Much

and i got a cutscene of the calamity screaming with the Classic ganondorf theme i'm Dying how the fuck does anyone just get this memory and LEAVE holy shit

oh my god the main theme comes in!!! jesus

even ballad of the windfish a little?!?!

oh FUCK and ofc with the lightning

haha aww there's a "leave area" button on the map i can bail whenever i guess tat's reassuring

not yet!! i'm gonna have Courage

ohhh i dipped into a doorway just to wait for revali's thing to recharge and the music changed!! so i got scared and went back outside lol

oh god the higher you go the oranger the sky turns it looks like the blood moon jesus fuck

I MADE IT INSIDE

oh god, zelda's STUDY, the rooms all have names bc ofc they do

holder of the triforce of wisdom of COURSE she had a study she's such a nerd im crying i bet she loved it here and it's totally decimated

a silent princess sprouted in her study too ;_;

HER LULLABY IS PLAYING IN HERE IM GONNA CRY

oh good there's the memory!!

ohhh this picture of how it used to be is hurting my heart it was BEAUTIFUL

holy FUCK dude

ok old man is struck from my heart forever he was such a DICK to zelda no wonder he called himself a fool

link knelt right away but god damn i would have interjected on her behalf

you can't expect a person to pray 24/7!!!!

and deny her her passions, which are obviously machines and learning!

omg she has a journal in here and i almost missed it jesus

TODAY SHE MET WITH IMPA im cryin

omg this is her finding the sheikah slate!!!

jesus, and she found the shrine of ressurection too and hoped she'd never have to use it, and Yet...

oh GOD i hit leave area and it plucked me down in the middle of castle town nope nope nope fast travel outta there

ok to impa and then last memory i can do it and then do stream

and for once not play again afterwards bc to be quite frank i could never stress myself out this bad right before bed again, FUCK

hylian shield and all the rest of it tomorrow

h o ly fuck

he DIED protecting her, or he was going to, but she stood in front of him for once and finally unlocked the power, that's how she unlocked it, for HIM

i'm WEEPING and the sword made the fi noise from SS

even the sheikah warriors ran like sheik in smash bros

im gonna cry that was so much!!! there's so much continuity

fi is in TWO GAMES like...that was such direct referencing!!!!

SHE HAS BEEN FIGHTING ALONE FOR 100 YEARS jesus CHRIST she is SEVENTEEN

ok, im gonna watch all the memories in order and then quit for the night

i just realized the ceremony scene is where she mentions embers of twilight and adrift in time - putting us on the mm/tp timeline

aaaah im sad

god and i LOVE her princess dress i wanna see it in her classic pink why is everyone in this game blue??

so like, despite me not being crazy about zelda's voice ACTRESSS and the VOICE she's using, she actually does the best ACTING out of the entire cast

high key loving this zelda who is smart but has trouble with feelings, also

holy SHIT

ok so one of the first memories i got was of zelda coming down mt lanayru

amd it was badass and i enjoyed it

but there's SO much in there once you know more context

mipha was highkey about to spill to zelda that she was in love with link

revali's distain for link

urbosa seems less stern and more caring now that i know her better

now i know what zelda was trying so hard to do

"we have to keep trying until we find the thing that unlocks your sealing power [long shot of link]"

and "i'm not a child anymore" ofc it's bc she just turned 17! like link in oot!

oh man oh man

i love so much link's expressions in these serious moments especially that very last look into zelda's eyes before he "died"

it feels a bit like, with the other stuff i was talking about, i'm getting just a hint of character

and it's kinda close to My Headcanon but even if it wasn't i just like getting to know him

warped back to the temple of time & i'm leaving it there for the night

tomorrow: The End

(and my shield)

#personal #loz blogging #botw spoilers #I Am Not Kidding So Many Spoilers #god why am i still awake i wanted to be in bed literally two hours ago while stream was still on