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itsmadamehydra · 11 months

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Doll Face | Fezco Euphoria

part 1 part 2

Pairing: Fezco x Latina!Mouse sister! reader

Summary: Mouse's sister was an excellent girl, a good student even, until life happened and she had to leave every dream behind. A particular friend was left behind too in the process. Years later, they meet again, but they aren't the kids they once used to be.

Warnings: 1.8+ words, mouse sister, drug life, language, non-desired-sexual situations, forced sexual labor, exploitation of teenage girl, abuse, abusive household

a/n: Ok, Spanish is my first language and English second, so I apologize for any grammar mistakes. Second, I tried to research if Mouse was of any latin american origin, but I couldn't find any information. The actor is referred to as Lating King, so I'll use that as a reference. Thank you for reading! Hope you like it. Any suggestions will be highly appreciated <3

It had always seemed funny to you. The reaction on people’s faces when they came to know whose sister you were. At first, you were proud, sort of. You knew your family didn’t dedicate themselves to an average 9-5 job pretty early. But that never stopped you from feeling happy by having them around you most of the time.

It was like a dream at first. You would come from school, and your mama would always be beside your papá, talking about something you were too young to understand thereupon. Your big brother was known to be in his room with his friends, and you weren't allowed inside.

That didn’t bother you. It never did because at the end of the day, you would all sit down to dinner together and it felt amazing having to see people gather random things to use as chairs because there were just too many people.

It all just seemed like a big diverse family. You loved it.

You were a straight-A little girl type, and papá always made sure to share with you that you would be the first of the family to ever go to college. You were going to become the pride of your family.

Teachers loved you and never had any problem when you asked for extra help. Even your classmates were always helpful and nice towards you, especially one guy that you had math class with.

Fezco

He was one of the nice weird kids. He didn’t talk with anyone much, but you like to believe you were his exception.

It all started due to you not noticing the exercises at the back of the page at that time, you were sitting in front of him, and he noticed this.

“Uhm, hey, sorry, but I think your page is kinda…blank” he drew your attention by tapping your shoulder softly.

“What do you mean?” you stared at him, confused.

“Well, yeah. The back side is blank.” he furrowed his eyebrows, trying to make you understand

“There was a backside!”

“There’s always a back part in math, little girl.”

“Shit- Sorry!” you covered your mouth, embarrassed.

“What are you sorry for?” he looked at you confused.

“I- well… I cursed. Ladies aren’t supposed to curse.”

“Why?”

“It’s unethical.”

“Huh,” he inhaled, “Well, the teacher is about to collect the homework, so if you want to copy from mine, go ahead.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Ok, thank you so much, Fezco.”

“Call me Fez.”

“Fezco.”

“Alright.”

After that, it seemed like he had chosen you to be his partner in any class you had together. From that moment on, he would always whisper the answers in your ear, making sure you always had the same as his.

He would even grab your homework and correct your mistakes. It seemed so easy for him that you started to believe he was a genius.

“You are one smart mathematician,” you murmured once as you lay beside him on one of the school’s rooftops.

“A what?” he moved his head to the side, trying to get a glimpse of you.

“Mathematician, you will be a great one day.’

“Oh, what’s that?”

“Oh, you know…a person who likes and is good at math.”

“Hell yeah. I'll be one, doll face.”

“Fezco! No cursing.” you giggled.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry.”

You smiled, looking at each other barely, holding in your giggles.

And then everything went to shit.

“Mami! Papi! I’m home!” you entered your home with your cheeks painted and a big smile, hoping to see your parents in the living room, but only your brother was to be found with a bottle in hand.

“Hey, have you seen-”

“They ain't coming back home, little one.” he took one sip.

“What do you mean? They went on a field trip and didn’t take me?”

“Yeah. But more like they went to heaven.”

“Heaven? But that's a few hours away,” you tried, you really tried to be oblivious. Act stupid, “I read it on a map!”

“You can’t be that dumb,” he chuckled sourly, “Mom and pops are dead, and you know that.”

You stayed quiet. Looking at him and trying to keep your tears inside, hoping to be a cruel joke from your big brother.

“Now, I need you to understand something else,” he stood up, walking towards you, completely towering over you, “No more school for you.”

“What?” you whispered.

“I don’t need some governmental shit to be put inside your brain when you could be doing something more beneficial for me, us.”

“But I don’t wanna leave school,” you whined sweetly, “Papi said I would go to college!”

“Pops said it, not me,” he grabbed you from your low ponytail without pulling, twisting it around his fingers. “You’r ‘bout to learn about the family business, little sissy.”

And just like that, your life went spiraling into a deep pile of shit and more shit.

It started simple, nothing too hardcore. You prepared his pre-rolled, and he said your petite fingers were perfect for the job. Then, you started addressing him as “Mouse” since he has some respect to show or something along the lines.

And you did that for quite a long time, being grateful to keep some sort of young teen childhood innocence. Until one of his friends mentioned something about your changing body.

“Yo! Mouse! Your sister si que tiene unas lindas tetas eh! ¿A cuanto por una sobada?” they all laughed, but you knew your brother had a realization. (Your sister has a nice pair of tits, how much for a touch?)

His little sissy wasn't so little anymore. And lucky you, the neighborhood home strip club was taking applications, and they loved young girls.

“Pero mira que lindo lugar te conseguí hermanita, ¿a que no?" he laughed, licking his lips at the sight of the bare chest and intimate parts by the women dancing or waitress. (Look what a nice place I got you lil’ sissy, pretty isn't it?)

“I don’t want to be here, Mouse,” you said with a scared tone, “I don’t feel comfortable.”

“What you mean!?”

“I want to leave now, Mouse,” you said, trying to sound stern and covering your eyes to bring the different color neon lights.

If you had not, you would have seen him before he pulled you by your hair.

“Mouse!”

“Shut your fucking mouth and listen!” he spoke in your ear, spitting saliva, “You ain't eating nor coming home hasta que me traigas minimo mil, got it?” you nodded. (until you bring me at least a thousand)

“But how am I going to get you that?”

“Well, why else would I bring you here!? You got the place and a job start dancing!”

You looked at all sides, looking for some type of explanation or help, but all you could notice were a few pity looks from the women already working there.

“But…I am just fifteen, and I do not have any clothes like those,” you tried hard to convince him to take you away from there.

“C’mon I was thirteen when I banged my first chick, besides you got underwear underneath that, right?”

You nodded, unsure.

“Then don’t come back until you have that money in hand we clear.”

“Como el agua,” you murmured (like the water)

It took you some time to gather the money. It took you long enough to gather the courage to walk out of the dressing room in your underwear. Thankfully, some women there pitied you and gave you some money so you didn't have to socialize too much with the customers.

That day you became aware of how disgusting looks from men and women could be. But you became happy when at the end of the third day, the money had been collected. Until you were about to leave, the place and the owner took half of your money.

That’s when you knew that they take half of the tips, more if you get opinionated about it.

You had to work for it, they said. To start showing some more for some extra bills. To hide it somewhere, they won't see it.

Took you some time, but you felt elated when you knocked on that worn-down door you loved.

“Here’s the money,” you placed it in his hand with a smile, and he threw 100 back at you.

“Go get some work clothes and your food for a month.”

“What?”

“How old are you?”

“Fifteen”

“At seventeen, you start paying rent.”

Then, you were his investment. His friends and co-workers wanted to see you dance. They wanted to see you shake your chest and back for them. They wanted to touch you. And if you objected? A dislocated shoulder, 3 broken ribs, and black-eyed followed you for a month, and you objected…a lot.

But you learned how to handle it. You had to and became a pro. The favorite one in the club, and the best one of Mouse’s girls, even if you had to do some things you despised.

At least you were treated better.

And then, you saw him.

You were at home, doing some dances for Mouse’s people along with two other girls.

You had numbed yourself and your emotions. You had created an alter ego and a safe place in your mind where you could wander off whenever you were working. Funny enough, you had come to like dancing with a pole. You found it artistic, just not the other things it came with.

You were concentrated on grinding on top of the man beneath you, concentrated in your safe place. Ignoring his wandering hands beneath your work clothes, his groping. But some voices distracted you. You switched positions so you could stare at the men coming in.

It was a redhead, and he seemed…cute.

You could hear them going and on about quantities and deadlines, and you better pay me up before blah, blah, and more blah.

“You know what, I liked you, carrot boy,” Mouse smiled, rubbing his palms against each other, “Let me gift you with one of my best girls. Sweetcheecks, com’ere!”

“She’s busy, my man,” said the man underneath, simulating pounding into you while you kept grinding him with him groping your chest.

“Not‘nymore, fuck off,” he grabbed him by the arm and pulled the redhead to your seat, “Treat him good, will ya?”

You nodded and started doing your job. It was actually easy to please a man. Just some elaborate touching and grinding, especially grinding, and to let them touch whenever and wherever.

You could feel him looking at you, his eyes locked. Almost making you feel embarrassed by what you were doing. He seemed like the gentle type. He even kept his hands to himself. You could be wrong, and when you felt his hand grabbing you by your neck and taking you near his lips. You knew you were wrong. He needed some time before he felt full of himself and started groping you like the others.

“Doll face, is that you?”

part 2? Let me know...

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icedbatik · 29 days

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I saw this opinion piece in the New York Times and, while I don't normally copy and paste entire newspaper articles, this is an excellent (if scary) read.

Aside from the sections on how much lack of consent there is in today's sexual landscape, hockey fans -- who should be well aware of the dangers of concussions -- might take particular note of the section in which "choking" during sex is linked to brain damage on par with concussion damage.

The Troubling Trend in Teenage Sex

April 12, 2024

By Peggy Orenstein

Debby Herbenick is one of the foremost researchers on American sexual behavior. The director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University and the author of the pointedly titled book “Yes, Your Kid,” she usually shares her data, no matter how explicit, without judgment. So I was surprised by how concerned she seemed when we checked in on Zoom recently: “I haven’t often felt so strongly about getting research out there,” she told me. “But this is lifesaving.”

For the past four years, Dr. Herbenick has been tracking the rapid rise of “rough sex” among college students, particularly sexual strangulation, or what is colloquially referred to as choking. Nearly two-thirds of women in her most recent campus-representative survey of 5,000 students at an anonymized “major Midwestern university” said a partner had choked them during sex (one-third in their most recent encounter). The rate of those women who said they were between the ages 12 and 17 the first time that happened had shot up to 40 percent from one in four.

As someone who’s been writing for well over a decade about young people’s attitudes and early experience with sex in all its forms, I’d also begun clocking this phenomenon. I was initially startled in early 2020 when, during a post-talk Q. and A. at an independent high school, a 16-year-old girl asked, “How come boys all want to choke you?” In a different class, a 15-year-old boy wanted to know, “Why do girls all want to be choked?” They do? Not long after, a college sophomore (and longtime interview subject) contacted me after her roommate came home in tears because a hookup partner, without warning, had put both hands on her throat and squeezed.

I started to ask more, and the stories piled up. Another sophomore confided that she enjoyed being choked by her boyfriend, though it was important for a partner to be “properly educated” — pressing on the sides of the neck, for example, rather than the trachea. (Note: There is no safe way to strangle someone.) A male freshman said “girls expected” to be choked and, even though he didn’t want to do it, refusing would make him seem like a “simp.” And a senior in high school was angry that her friends called her “vanilla” when she complained that her boyfriend had choked her.

Sexual strangulation, nearly always of women in heterosexual pornography, has long been a staple on free sites, those default sources of sex ed for teens. As with anything else, repeat exposure can render the once appalling appealing. It’s not uncommon for behaviors to be normalized in porn, move within a few years to mainstream media, then, in what may become a feedback loop, be adopted in the bedroom or the dorm room.

Choking, Dr. Herbenick said, seems to have made that first leap in a 2008 episode of Showtime’s “Californication,” where it was still depicted as outré, then accelerated after the success of “Fifty Shades of Grey.” By 2019, when a high school girl was choked in the pilot of HBO’s “Euphoria,” it was standard fare. A young woman was choked in the opener of “The Idol” (again on HBO and also, like “Euphoria,” created by Sam Levinson; what’s with him?). Ali Wong plays the proclivity for laughs in a Netflix special, and it’s a punchline in Tina Fey’s new “Mean Girls.” The chorus of Jack Harlow’s “Lovin On Me,” which topped Billboard’s Hot 100 chart for six nonconsecutive weeks this winter and has been viewed over 99 million times on YouTube, starts with, “I’m vanilla, baby, I’ll choke you, but I ain’t no killer, baby.” How-to articles abound on the internet, and social media algorithms feed young people (but typically not their unsuspecting parents) hundreds of #chokemedaddy memes along with memes that mock — even celebrate — the potential for hurting or killing female partners.

I’m not here to kink-shame (or anything-shame). And, anyway, many experienced BDSM practitioners discourage choking, believing it to be too dangerous. There are still relatively few studies on the subject, and most have been done by Dr. Herbenick and her colleagues. Reports among adolescents are now trickling out from the United Kingdom, Australia, Iceland, New Zealand and Italy.

Twenty years ago, sexual asphyxiation appears to have been unusual among any demographic, let alone young people who were new to sex and iffy at communication. That’s changed radically in a short time, with health consequences that parents, educators, medical professionals, sexual consent advocates and teens themselves urgently need to understand.

Sexual trends can spread quickly on campus and, to an extent, in every direction. But, at least among straight kids, I’ve sometimes noticed a pattern: Those that involve basic physical gratification — like receiving oral sex in hookups — tend to favor men. Those that might entail pain or submission, like choking, are generally more for women.

So, while undergrads of all genders and sexualities in Dr. Herbenick’s surveys report both choking and being choked, straight and bisexual young women are far more likely to have been the subjects of the behavior; the gap widens with greater occurrences. (In a separate study, Dr. Herbenick and her colleagues found the behavior repeated across the United States, particularly for adults under 40, and not just among college students.) Alcohol may well be involved, and while the act is often engaged in with a steady partner, a quarter of young women said partners they’d had sex with on the day they’d met also choked them.

Either way, most say that their partners never or only sometimes asked before grabbing their necks. For many, there had been moments when they couldn’t breathe or speak, compromising the ability to withdraw consent, if they’d given it. No wonder that, in a separate study by Dr. Herbenick, choking was among the most frequently listed sex acts young women said had scared them, reporting that it sometimes made them worry whether they’d survive.

Among girls and women I’ve spoken with, many did not want or like to be sexually strangled, though in an otherwise desired encounter they didn’t name it as assault. Still, a sizable number were enthusiastic; they requested it. It is exciting to feel so vulnerable, a college junior explained. The power dynamic turns her on; oxygen deprivation to the brain can trigger euphoria.

That same young woman, incidentally, had never climaxed with a partner: While the prevalence of choking has skyrocketed, rates of orgasm among young women have not increased, nor has the “orgasm gap” disappeared among heterosexual couples. “It indicates they’re not doing other things to enhance female arousal or pleasure,” Dr. Herbenick said.

When, for instance, she asked one male student who said he choked his partner whether he’d ever tried using a vibrator instead, he recoiled. “Why would I do that?” he asked.

Perhaps, she responded, because it would be more likely to produce orgasm without risking, you know, death.

In my interviews, college students have seen male orgasm as a given; women’s is nice if it happens, but certainly not expected or necessarily prioritized (by either partner). It makes sense, then, that fulfillment would be less the motivator for choking than appearing adventurous or kinky. Such performances don’t always feel good.

“Personally, my hypothesis is that this is one of the reasons young people are delaying or having less sex,” Dr. Herbenick said. “Because it’s uncomfortable and weird and scary. At times some of them literally think someone is assaulting them but they don’t know. Those are the only sexual experiences for some people. And it’s not just once they’ve gotten naked. They’ll say things like, ‘I’ve only tried to make out with someone once because he started choking and hitting me.’”

Keisuke Kawata, a neuroscientist at Indiana University’s School of Public Health, was one of the first researchers to sound the alarm on how the cumulative, seemingly inconsequential, sub-concussive hits football players sustain (as opposed to the occasional hard blow) were key to triggering C.T.E., the degenerative brain disease. He’s a good judge of serious threats to the brain. In response to Dr. Herbenick’s work, he’s turning his attention to sexual strangulation. “I see a similarity” to C.T.E., he told me, “though the mechanism of injury is very different.” In this case, it is oxygen-blocking pressure to the throat, frequently in light, repeated bursts of a few seconds each.

Strangulation — sexual or otherwise — often leaves few visible marks and can be easily overlooked as a cause of death. Those whose experiences are nonlethal rarely seek medical attention, because any injuries seem minor: Young women Dr. Herbenick studied mostly reported lightheadedness, headaches, neck pain, temporary loss of coordination and ear ringing. The symptoms resolve, and all seems well. But, as with those N.F.L. players, the true effects are silent, potentially not showing up for days, weeks, even years.

According to the American Academy of Neurology, restricting blood flow to the brain, even briefly, can cause permanent injury, including stroke and cognitive impairment. In M.R.I.s conducted by Dr. Kawata and his colleagues (including Dr. Herbenick, who is a co-author of his papers on strangulation), undergraduate women who have been repeatedly choked show a reduction in cortical folding in the brain compared with a never-choked control group. They also showed widespread cortical thickening, an inflammation response that is associated with elevated risk of later-onset mental illness. In completing simple memory tasks, their brains had to work far harder than the control group, recruiting from more regions to achieve the same level of accuracy.

The hemispheres in the choked group’s brains, too, were badly skewed, with the right side hyperactive and the left underperforming. A similar imbalance is associated with mood disorders — and indeed in Dr. Herbenick’s surveys girls and women who had been choked were more likely than others (or choked men) to have experienced overwhelming anxiety, as well as sadness and loneliness, with the effect more pronounced as the incidence rose: Women who had experienced more than five instances of choking were two and a half times as likely as those who had never been choked to say they had been so depressed within the previous 30 days they couldn’t function. Whether girls and women with mental health challenges are more likely to seek out (or be subjected to) choking, choking causes mood disorders, or some combination of the two is still unclear. But hypoxia, or oxygen deprivation — judging by what research has shown about other types of traumatic brain injury — could be a contributing factor. Given the soaring rates of depression and anxiety among young women, that warrants concern.

Now consider that every year Dr. Herbenick has done her survey, the number of females reporting extreme effects from strangulation (neck swelling, loss of consciousness, losing control of urinary function) has crept up. Among those who’ve been choked, the rate of becoming what students call “cloudy” — close to passing out, but not crossing the line — is now one in five, a huge proportion. All of this indicates partners are pressing on necks longer and harder.

The physical, cognitive and psychological impacts of sexual choking are disturbing. So is the idea that at a time when women’s social, economic, educational and political power are in ascent (even if some of those rights may be in jeopardy), when #MeToo has made progress against harassment and assault, there has been the popularization of a sex act that can damage our brains, impair intellectual functioning, undermine mental health, even kill us. Nonfatal strangulation, one of the most significant indicators that a man will murder his female partner (strangulation is also one of the most common methods used for doing so), has somehow been eroticized and made consensual, at least consensual enough. Yet, the outcomes are largely the same: Women’s brains and bodies don’t distinguish whether they are being harmed out of hate or out of love.

By now I’m guessing that parents are curled under their chairs in a fetal position. Or perhaps thinking, “No, not my kid!” (see: title of Dr. Herbenick’s book above, which, by the way, contains an entire chapter on how to talk to your teen about “rough sex”).

I get it. It’s scary stuff. Dr. Herbenick is worried; I am, too. And we are hardly some anti-sex, wait-till-marriage crusaders. But I don’t think our only option is to wring our hands over what young people are doing.

Parents should take a beat and consider how they might give their children relevant information in a way that they can hear it. Maybe reiterate that they want them to have a pleasurable sex life — you have already said that, right? — and also want them to be safe. Tell them that misinformation about certain practices, including choking, is rampant, that in reality it has grave health consequences. Plus, whether or not a partner initially requested it, if things go wrong, you’re generally criminally on the hook.

Dr. Herbenick suggests reminding them that there are other, lower-risk ways to be exploratory or adventurous if that is what they are after, but it would be wisest to delay any “rough sex” until they are older and more skilled at communicating. She offers language when negotiating with a new partner, such as, “By the way, I’m not comfortable with” — choking, or other escalating behaviors such as name-calling, spitting and genital slapping — “so please don’t do it/don’t ask me to do it to you.” They could also add what they are into and want to do together.

I’d like to point high school health teachers to evidence-based porn literacy curricula, but I realize that incorporating such lessons into their classrooms could cost them their jobs. Shafia Zaloom, a lecturer at the Harvard Graduate School of Education, recommends, if that’s the case, grounding discussions in mainstream and social media. There are plenty of opportunities. “You can use it to deconstruct gender norms, power dynamics in relationships, ‘performative’ trends that don’t represent most people’s healthy behaviors,” she said, “especially depictions of people putting pressure on someone’s neck or chest.”

I also know that pediatricians, like other adults, struggle when talking to adolescents about sex (the typical conversation, if it happens, lasts 40 seconds). Then again, they already caution younger children to use a helmet when they ride a bike (because heads and necks are delicate!); they can mention that teens might hear about things people do in sexual situations, including choking, then explain the impact on brain health and why such behavior is best avoided. They should emphasize that if, for any reason — a fall, a sports mishap or anything else — a young person develops symptoms of head trauma, they should come in immediately, no judgment, for help in healing.

The role and responsibility of the entertainment industry is a tangled knot: Media reflects behavior but also drives it, either expanding possibilities or increasing risks. There is precedent for accountability. The European Union now requires age verification on the world’s largest porn sites (in ways that preserve user privacy, whatever that means on the internet); that discussion, unsurprisingly, had been politicized here. Social media platforms have already been pushed to ban content promoting eating disorders, self-harm and suicide — they should likewise be pressured to ban content promoting choking. Traditional formats can stop glamorizing strangulation, making light of it, spreading false information, using it to signal female characters’ complexity or sexual awakening. Young people’s sexual scripts are shaped by what they watch, scroll by and listen to — unprecedentedly so. They deserve, and desperately need, models of interactions that are respectful, communicative, mutual and, at the very least, safe.

Peggy Orenstein is the author of “Boys & Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent and Navigating the New Masculinity” and “Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape.”

#off-theme #and long #but worth the read

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yeaimsafiya · 1 month

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CHAPTER ONE back from rehab

SYNOPSIS the beginning of a teenage girl named y/n who is fresh out of rehab but doesn't intend to stay clean.

FROM THE WRITER AHH IM SORRY IM LATE GUYS!! This is the first chapter I'm ever writing, I took some inspo from episode 1 but I'm going to have to cut each episode into fourths because I really don't want to spend a whole week trying to finish a whole episode and school work. But I hope you guys really enjoy this chapter as much as I did - Love you guys, Sapiyah <3

WARNINGS Lots of unnecessary writing, female! reader, mentions of drugs and drinking, strong sexual content, nudity, violence, adult content, adult language, scenes might be uncomfortable for some, some scenes might include mentions of mental illness'

SERIES EUPHORIA

CHARACTERS INCLUDED members of the bakusquad & dekusquad, big three(?), some characters of class 1A

NOTES MDNI! Ageless blogs will be blocked or removed.

Readers discretion is advised

Suddenly, the whole world goes dark and nothing else matters except the person standing in front of you.

You were once happy. Content.

Sloshing and swimming around your own private, primordial pool; Then one day, for reasons beyond your control, you were continuously and repeatedly crushed...

Over..and over.. again by the cervix of your mother, M/n.

You put up a good fight, but eventually lost, for the first time, but not the last.

You were born 3 days after 9/11, your mother and father spent two days in the hospital, holding you under the soft glow of the television, watching those towers fall over and over again, until the feeling of grief gave away to numbness.

And then, without warning, a middle-class childhood in the American suburbs.

You were sitting at the dinner table with your mother, M/n, and Father, F/n. But it appeared something else had gotten your attention, a set of numerous lights above the dinner table, in which you wanted to count.

"Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen.."

" What are you looking at y/n?"

"..."

"What are you doing? ..Y-y/n look at me."

"One, two, three, .."

"What are you doing Y/n?"

*cries*

"Id say she's suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder..."

Its not like you were physically abused..

"...attention deficit disorder..."

..Or had some type of clean water storage..

"..general anxiety disorder.."

..Or was molested by a family member.

"..and possibly bipolar disorder. But she's a little bit too young to tell."

So, explain this shit to me.

"Honey, it's just the way your brain was hardwired; Plenty of great, intelligent, funny, interesting and creative people have struggled with the same things you struggle with."

"Like who?"

"Vincent Van Gogh, Sylvia Plath, and even Brittney Spears, your favorite!"

You haven't remembered much from the ages of eight to twelve. Just that the world moved fast, and your mind moved slow.

"Does anyone have an idea of what a perception might be?"

And every now and then, if you focused on the way you breathed...

You'd die.

"Slow down, just breathe"

Until every second of the day, you'd find yourself trying to outrun your anxiety.

"What's wrong Y/n?"

..And quite frankly..

"I'm just fucking exhausted"

Coming down to the kitchen, you could hear the small talk between your mother and younger sister, S/N.

"You said the doctor was in our network. How can he suddenly be out of network?"

"I can't afford it."

"Did you see that video of the girl who got acid thrown at her face?"

"What? No.."

"It's pretty fucked up.."

"Mom do you know where the tampons are?"

"In my bathroom, right under the sink."

And at one point, you'd make a choice of who you are and what you want.

"Alright Gia, let's go"

"Why do the co-payments cost $300?"

"Y/n did you eat breakfast?"

".."

"What's with the glasses?"

"What glasses?"

You just happened to show up one day, without a map or a compass..

"Attention students, we need to lockdown."

..Or to be honest, anyone capable of giving on iota of good fucking advice.

And I know it all seems sad but guess what? You did not build this system up, nor fuck it up yourself.

But then it happens. That moment where your breath starts to slow. And every time you breathe, you breathe out all the oxygen you have.

Then everything stops: Your heart, your lungs, then finally, your brain. And everything you feel, you wish, and want to forget, it all just sinks.

And then suddenly... you give it air again, give it life again.

You remember the first time it happened, where you were so scared you wanted to call 911. Go to the hospital and be kept alive by machines and apple juice. But you didn't want to look like an idiot, and you didn't want to fuck up everyone else's night.

And now overtime, that's all you've wanted.. those two seconds of nothingness.

You spent a good portion of summer before junior year in rehab. God granted you the serenity to accept things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

"Y/N," your sister yelled from afar, greeting you after your long leave. You smiled, and whilst running up to her, tried to continue the conversation with your younger sibling.

"Hey, Come here!"

"How are you?"

"Good, I missed you."

"I missed you too."

"Look at you, are you growing?"

"No."

Looking over, you see your mother standing by your family car.

"Hey," you yelled out to her, only to receive a small smile from her.

And with that. you knew it was your time to go.

"I'm very happy for you Y/n. You're about to start a brand-new chapter," Your mother says while driving you and your sister to school. You looked at her with a smile, then turned your attention back to the car window.

You had no intentions of staying clean. And yet, Jirou just moved into town.

"There's some new girl in town that I think you'll be friends with," Shoto said, with you standing beside him in his store.

"Who?"

"Shit, I don't know. She came in looking all punk rock and shit; So I'm thinking to myself, like, 'look like somebody Y/n would be friends with'."

Which was sort of a dead-on observation for Shoto, who's not normally revolving in the same direction as planet earth.

"So how long have you been back?" He asked.

"About five days."

"And how are you feeling?"

"I mean, ever since I gave my life over to my lord and savior Jesus Christ, things have been, like, really good."

"Word? That's what's up," You chuckled at his snarky remark, giving him a small smile.

"I'm fucking with you," you said whilst laughing, "It was a joke."

"Shit, hey, I don't judge," he defended, hands raising to just above his chest.

"But for real, is Deku in the back?"

"Are you serious?" Shoto questioned, seeming very disappointed in you.

"What, you think cause' I went to rehab I stayed clean?"

"I mean, ain't that the point?" he asks.

"Yeah, well, the world is coming to an end, and I haven't even graduated high school yet."

You gave Shoto one more smile before going to Deku, whilst Shoto stared at you the entire way there; There was a hint of sadness in his eyes, but since you were too busy looking for Deku, you didn't see.

You opened one of the doors of the refrigerators, leading you right to him with a bowl of fruit loops,"I thought your ass was dead," he said one he saw your appearance.

"And I thought you had Asperger's till I realized your just a prick," you barked back.

"This a fickle industry, y'all come and go. I'm just trying to stack my cash, pay off our mortgage," he said while pulling out a bunch of plastic bags out of a microwave.

"So what the fuck do you want?" You gave him a knowing look before he handed you needed.

"You sure you don't want to try something new?" He asks you.

"Like what?"

"2C-T-2, 2C-T-7, and 5-MeO-DIPT."

"I'm sorry I have no fucking idea of what you just said."

"It doesn't matter," he stated, "but this shit, is fucking lit."

"What is it?"

"N-diisopropyl-5-methoxytryptamine. It's a fast-acting psychedelic."

Got some similarities to LSD, but with, like, key differences. Not as visual as shit, but definitely a sense distorter.

"What's wrong?" That same dark purple hair girl questioned.

"I'm just so happy," you responded back.

"I don't know, this shits been going off in Tampa, and mad people like to fuck with this," Deku continued on with his descriptions with the drug.

"Okay. Yeah, why not."

"That'll be 120."

"Oh uh, Shoto said he'd spot me."

"Shoto doesn't spot nobody."

"Yeah, well, it's a post-rehab discount, so you should ask him."

"I will go ask him, cause' I know your full of shit."

Those were the last words he said before you walked out. Those were the last words you heard before you saw the same two boys in freshman year.

Bakugo and Kirishima.

TAGLIST: (send an ask or reply to add or remove) @urinejaeger, @saturxnn, @lv9su, @minnipe, @flamgosstuff, @lilrockzstar, @actfsgxcv, @lovebuggyboo, @russochild19, @iits-lexie, @mendez5657, @animatronicrat, @thirstygorl, @scrittynotfound, @pleaseleavemebelol, @thymebread, @cocojellie, @vxnanaaa-blog, @tn-johnson, @knotatwink, @hpttstears, @blackcatluna, @queennb-123, @nndntahg

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belaloallure3 · 2 years

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Belaloallure_Euphoria highschool cc

Hi everyone , when i saw the new expansion pack , i immediately decided to create something for it ( which is something i rarely do ) so what better high school's fashion then Euphoria high . when i created this collection i imagined myself as a costume designer for the show , and we all know the fashion in that show is unrealistic but i think that's what made the show what it is , so before anyone comes to me saying am trying to sexualize teenagers that something i would never ever do , any way this is part 1 if u like it and want part 2 please let me know . i love u all ❤️❤️

Download(patreon) (now available for public download)

enjoy :)

#thesims4 #thesims4cc #thesims4clothing #thesims4female #thesims4clothes #ts4 #ts4cc #ts4 clothing cc

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denofbloodandlove · 1 year

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This is something that I have never done before but after reading and thinking and delving into kinks that I never thought I would have liked I decided to try my hand at it. This may have typos and it may seem sporadic sense I am ‘out of practice’ with writing. I hope it flows and I know this will not be to everyones liking, but I wanted to do something different. More may be added later, who knows. Enjoy. And like normal don't be a douche and steal.

Araya always knew she was different, different in ways that she could never really fathom. All her life she had been an outcast, from her silver hair to eyes that glowed almost yellow. From a child living in foster homes, she knew that she would never have her own family, parents would pass her up, they seemed almost afraid of her. Her eyes too bright, her hair to unnatural, her teeth too sharp, her grin too wolfish, ever her ears were different. Her life was filled with loneliness, a hollow that was never filled. She always felt empty, from her childhood to her teenage years to adulthood. When girls and women of her age were out testing the waters with sexuality, she turned her head, not interested in any human, not is sex of any kind. The only thing that ever pulled her to any form of euphoria was gazing at the stars. She felt connected to them in some way, a if she belonged in the stars. When she stared into the vast emptiness of the dark sky, she wished that something beyond stared back, seeing her for her, not a freak the others accused her of being.

Now at twenty-five, she was still alone, free from the system she lived in a shit fucking rent apartment, one room with barely a toilet or kitchen. Her job as a diner waitress was next to nothing, but it paid her measly bills and groceries. But even that was an anomaly for her. Food, like men never meant anything to her. She only ate because she felt she needed to, something normal, but to be hungry. She never knew what it felt like, never thirsted for water. Only thing that she ever yearned for was the stars, the fathomless, endless oblivion.

Tonight, was like every other night, she sat outside in the hard plastic chair and stared out into the emptiness. “Whatever is out there, find me, take me away from this existence.” She muttered before her odd eyes closed, her body relaxing in the night as sleep took over her muscles. Tonight, her dreams took her to the stars, bright lights whirled around her dreams, creating rainbows of colors, circling, and expanding. Her body felt weightless as she drifted up and around, as if she were floating in the clouds, she so often stared at. But a massive jolt woke her up from her sleep, the plastic behind her back cold and hard as she shifted her weight in order to move from the chair but her limbs would not budge, her legs immovable. Fluttering her eyes open she gasped then blinked, the sight of beings greeted her instead of the fake plants and dried earth that she normally saw. Her heart stuttered as she looked around, she was in a warm room, the walls, each one clear showed what she longed for the most: the stars. Black emptiness stared back at her, the stars blazing in all their glory, so close she thought she could touch them.

“Princess. Eyes on us” A deep baritone reverberated through the room, and she glanced at the huge being staring at her. Her eyes roamed down his body as she realized that he resembled her, his hair was white, his skin pale, eyes that were so blue they burned, his ears pointed and his teeth sharp, sharper then hers, fang tipped teeth showed through his own wolfish grin.

“Princess, I have been searching for you for too long, I thought you were lost to me. Taken and dumped on a planet by my enemies. Dumped to die on a waste filled planet while I ravaged and murdered my way though the stars, searching for you. Tell me, how long have you wished for the stars? How long have you felt empty and hollow? Ever wondered why?” She watched as he moved closer to her, his hands removing the cloth he wore as a top garment.

“Too long.” She mustered to say as she watched him shed his pants, revealing his whole body to her, his muscles were long, protruded and defined, not like that of human men. His hands were longer, sharper, black talons tipped and his feet were the same, his cock was massive, pulsing and thick like her thigh. She was petite, small with bigger tits then normal, thicker thighs also. She had once heard a man whisper she had thick thighs saved lives, she never really understood that mantra until now. As she thought of that however, she realized that she had been bound, what she thought was her cold plastic was a hard table, her arms were bound as was her legs. Each limb strapped down by a thick leather strips, black locks linked to the table kept her stable.

“You see, that’s because you were not of their world, you were of mine. A Princess that belongs to me, you were given to me, given to a King to take and fill, you were made for me Princess, and only me and mine. You were made to keep my people going. A whore, concubine, fuck toy, cock sleeve, whatever you wish to be called, but to me, you are just Mine. Ours.” He says as he looks over his shoulder to the other two giant males, both have also removed their clothing, but neither have moved forward. Their cocks are just as thick and long as the one in front of her. “I am King of my race, my brothers the Princes, the few last remaining of us. And the only ones with the birthright to fuck and impregnate you.”

Arayas body suddenly becomes alive as she smells him so close, her pussy aching, growing wet with a need she has never felt before, her flesh feeling swollen and her womb feels empty, an emptiness that she has never felt, a hunger that she has never craved.

“That’s it Princess, I told you, you were made for me. Made perfect to respond to me and my bloodline.”

A whirling of mechanics sound around her as her legs are bent and opened revealing her naked body. She can feel her pussy stretch open, the cold air gliding along her wet lips. She watches as the Kings hand grabs his hardening cock, and she stares, the massive thing has ridges and bumps all around it, the head is larger then the thick shaft. The head is more pointed then rounded and the slit is larger, wider.

“We have cum and eggs that I am going to fuck into you, incubation is only days and when you have been bred properly and the first brood is out of your womb we are going to fill you again. And again. And again. But we will take our pleasure too, not only for our species, but because we want to rip you apart, to fill you in every way. Our bloodlines call to one another. And you will scream, you will cry and we will enjoy every minute Princess.”

Her hunger grows as she is moved once again, instead of her limbs moving, the table tilts back, laying her down flat. His hands glid along her slim legs and she feels a long sharp tongue enter her pussy, tasting her juices, she can feel the snake like tongue lick almost into her cervix and then out, her thighs clench with need as he raises above her. “Your cunt is tight and unused, I am going to enjoy ravaging it.” He growls before shoving the head of his cock into her. Her back arches as she screams as pain rips through her, the head of his cock is bulbous thicker then the shaft, the hard burrs rasp inside of her, scraping her virgin flesh, tearing at her, stretching her. She feels his talons grip into her thighs spreading her open further as he pulls out and forces his way in deeper. Tears spring to her eyes as he finally gets his whole head into her pussy, then pulls out again and shoves more of his massive cock into her. His huge body shadows hers as he leans over her, his hips fucking into her he’s making the metal table move with his thrusts.

Sobs rack her body as she looks up, her belly she sees is swelling every time he pushes into her pussy, the massive thing taking up all the space within her. As he slides out her belly flattens, every time he surges in it expands, her skin molding around the hard tipped head, she almost worries that he is going to rip her belly open, but the hunger is still there. Its clawing at her insides to move so he can take more space.

“More” she begs through sobs, and he pushes more of his length into her swollen pussy. She cant take her eyes off her body, the filling and receding of his cock in her. That is until she feels a warm hand on her head, easing her neck back. “Your body knows what to do Princess, breath and your jaw will work. The Prince says as he places his own massive cock at her mouth. Her tongue slide out and taste the thick pre cum of his large slit, and like an aphrodisiac, her pussy pulses and gushes around the Kings cock, allowing him to slide deeper. And as the Prince said, her body is suddenly not an empty thing, but one that is run off of instincts. Her jaw open wider then ever and in a sigh the Prince forces his cock down her throat. Gagging on his dick, she fights for air as she is fucked from two holes. The cock in her pussy is to the hilt, she can feel her guts and abdomen so distended she feels like she is going to explode, but the cock in her mouth is fighting for space down her throat, but she needs more, she needs it practically touching the other cock invading her body. She loosens and with a deafening roar the Prince in her throat slide all the way in, her throat bulging as she swallows him into her body.

Her two holes are stretched, her lungs burn and she wonders what it would feel like to have her ass taken as the same time by the third brother. There will be a next time she assures herself as she feels the cocks moving in tandem, ripping her open, splaying her and filling that hollow she always had. The growling grows and each cock moves and the thrust become harder, sharper. And suddenly she feels the cock in her pussy shudder, followed by the one in her throat. Great, thick ropes of cum pump into her pussy and throat, she can feel the thick masses moving through the cock and into her. The Prince in her mouth pulls out and cums on her tits, her face, coating her in a viscous liquid. But the one in her pussy keeps pumping her full. Her pussy is so tight around his cock his cum has no where to go but into her womb, stuffing her full, and with one final shudder she feels a huge thick alien egg deposit right into her womb.

Dragging his cock out, she looks down at her swollen belly and can feel the thing inside of her begin to move about, making itself snug inside her belly. “You will hatch my brood in a matter of days then we will do this again.” The Kings says. “But until then, we will use your other holes until we are sated. And Princess we have been searching for you for ages, we have a lot to give.”

Her eyes mist over, for the first time she feels full, she feels right, she no longer feels hollow inside, and as she leans her head back and opens her mouth, hungry for more.

#tentacles #monster #monsterkink #alien fucker #monster fucker #mywriting #monster breeding

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maaarine · 29 days

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The Troubling Trend in Teenage Sex (Peggy Orenstein, The New York Times, April 12 2024)

"For the past four years, Dr. Herbenick has been tracking the rapid rise of “rough sex” among college students, particularly sexual strangulation, or what is colloquially referred to as choking.

Nearly two-thirds of women in her most recent campus-representative survey of 5,000 students at an anonymized “major Midwestern university” said a partner had choked them during sex (one-third in their most recent encounter).

The rate of those women who said they were between the ages 12 and 17 the first time that happened had shot up to 40 percent from one in four. (…)

Twenty years ago, sexual asphyxiation appears to have been unusual among any demographic, let alone young people who were new to sex and iffy at communication.

That’s changed radically in a short time, with health consequences that parents, educators, medical professionals, sexual consent advocates and teens themselves urgently need to understand.

Sexual trends can spread quickly on campus and, to an extent, in every direction.

But, at least among straight kids, I’ve sometimes noticed a pattern: Those that involve basic physical gratification — like receiving oral sex in hookups — tend to favor men.

Those that might entail pain or submission, like choking, are generally more for women.

(In a separate study, Dr. Herbenick and her colleagues found the behavior repeated across the United States, particularly for adults under 40, and not just among college students.)

Alcohol may well be involved, and while the act is often engaged in with a steady partner, a quarter of young women said partners they’d had sex with on the day they’d met also choked them.

Either way, most say that their partners never or only sometimes asked before grabbing their necks.

For many, there had been moments when they couldn’t breathe or speak, compromising the ability to withdraw consent, if they’d given it.

No wonder that, in a separate study by Dr. Herbenick, choking was among the most frequently listed sex acts young women said had scared them, reporting that it sometimes made them worry whether they’d survive.

Among girls and women I’ve spoken with, many did not want or like to be sexually strangled, though in an otherwise desired encounter they didn’t name it as assault.

Still, a sizable number were enthusiastic; they requested it. It is exciting to feel so vulnerable, a college junior explained.

The power dynamic turns her on; oxygen deprivation to the brain can trigger euphoria.

“It indicates they’re not doing other things to enhance female arousal or pleasure,” Dr. Herbenick said.

When, for instance, she asked one male student who said he choked his partner whether he’d ever tried using a vibrator instead, he recoiled. “Why would I do that?” he asked.

Perhaps, she responded, because it would be more likely to produce orgasm without risking, you know, death.

In my interviews, college students have seen male orgasm as a given; women’s is nice if it happens, but certainly not expected or necessarily prioritized (by either partner).

It makes sense, then, that fulfillment would be less the motivator for choking than appearing adventurous or kinky. Such performances don’t always feel good. (…)

Among those who’ve been choked, the rate of becoming what students call “cloudy” — close to passing out, but not crossing the line — is now one in five, a huge proportion.

All of this indicates partners are pressing on necks longer and harder.

The physical, cognitive and psychological impacts of sexual choking are disturbing.

So is the idea that at a time when women’s social, economic, educational and political power are in ascent (even if some of those rights may be in jeopardy), when #MeToo has made progress against harassment and assault, there has been the popularization of a sex act that can damage our brains, impair intellectual functioning, undermine mental health, even kill us.

Nonfatal strangulation, one of the most significant indicators that a man will murder his female partner (strangulation is also one of the most common methods used for doing so), has somehow been eroticized and made consensual, at least consensual enough.

Yet, the outcomes are largely the same: Women’s brains and bodies don’t distinguish whether they are being harmed out of hate or out of love."

#article #weaker sex #tw abuse #peggy orenstein

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 4 months

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AITA for being physically close with a guy before breaking up with my ex? (🧋 To find easier)

Sorry for the long explanation!

Last year I( at the time 16, closeted Agender) was dating this guy (at the time 16, M) who we'll call T. Looking back on it I realise I mostly started dating him because he was the first genuine friend I'd made after moving to our country during COVID, and I've always struggled to differentiate romantic and platonic feelings. A few months in I could tell that this simply wasn't working for me and that the only reason I wasn't leaving was because he really really liked me (I was the first person he'd ever dated) and I'd feel guilty for breaking his heart. Eventually I realised I was somewhere on the Aromantic spectrum, so I came out to him expecting it to be an instant deal breaker. He took me being aro much better then I expected and didn't see it as a reason for us to break up ,and I ended up crying a bunch and was so caught up in the euphoria of him accepting me that I agreed to stay in the relationships.

A few weeks pass and things keep deteriorating, to the point where I thought I was ace (I was not. Turns out I just really was not attracted to him anymore) and because I was still too much of a coward to explain my reasons for breaking up directly, I tried to break up with him under the guise of being aroace because I thought SURELY this horny teenage boy would see this as a deal breaker! Again, he accepted me and again I was so full of guilt/euphoria that I let him talk me out of breaking up.

A bit after this, but BEFORE I finally cut off things for real, I a met a guy(at the time 17, m), K, through my friend's sister when I visited their house at the same time as him. We hit it off instantly, both bonding over being aro (though at the time I still thought I was ace) and within the first night of knowing each other we were cuddling, I sat on his lap (I also did this with my first friend but I'd known her for much longer then a few *hours*) and he was coming up and hugging me from behind. I made it very clear I was in a closed relationship, and both me and K agreed at the time that the touching was just platonic, esp since we are both just generally very touchy-feely people and despite T's many more incel-y traits he was never the jealous type.

Me and K met up a few more times, and we continued being touch-y. When he hugged good bye he'd put his hands on my waist, we'd frequently cuddle, he'd lay his head on my shoulder, I'd like down on his lap, etc etc. there was a boob touching incident once but that was an accident so I don't think it really counts? There also might have been an incident where he put his hand up my shirt a bit (like waist level, not bra level). He made sexual jokes about me and the only thing I did to rebuff him was saying that I was still in a closed relationship, not that I wasn't interested. After the third time we met up I finally accepted that I DID like him sexually, and that I was definitely not ace. I know thought crime isn't real but I feel like such as ass for being so touchy with K and using friendliness as an excuse. I AM touchy with my other friends, but even in the moment I knew my feelings for K were different then that.

I broke up with T about a week later (only reason it took that long is cause we live far away and I didn't want to break up over the phone, especially since that's what I did the previous two failed times). Me and K became friends with benefits a few days later. K knows he helped me realise I really needed to break up with T, but I haven't told him how big of a last straw he was.

I do not feel guilty about breaking up with T, he ended up being a huge asshole, however I am very against cheating. No matter how much I hate T for being a creepy bigoted asshole (would nag me about nudes every night, sent me massive paragraph long guilty trippy texts about how bad his mental health was even months after we broke up, is a little too into WW2 and his German great grandparents which makes my Jewish ass very uncomfortable, and he's said a lot of horrible things about me studying Sign Language) he still does not deserve to be cheated on. I feel like I tried my best to correct the situation once I came to terms with my own feelings, but I was still absolute pushing the boundaries even when I subconsciously knew the way I felt about K was different then my other friends.

This all happened a year ago now, My friends who met T and know about me and K are generally on my side because they dislike T, but Idk still feel guilty when I think back on how stuff unfolded. I know it might just be silly teen drama but I really hate the idea of being a hypocrite who preaches against cheating and then does basically the same thing

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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greenerteacups · 21 days

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I’ve just completed your most recent chapter and what a delight it was from start to finish. The slow burn continues to be delicious, and you’re doing an amazing job of gradually adding bits of kindling to the flames to keep DHr’s relationship progressing (and to feed us readers). This most recent chapter was a textbook definition of fic that gets me giggling and kicking my feet.

I’m always amused by our sweet Victorian child Draco’s reaction to sex, and the reference again to sheets and friction sent me. I’m pretty sure this isn’t the first time Draco has been nearly undone by his bedding, and it got me thinking about Pureblood culture’s views of sex and intimacy.

I know oftentimes in fanon, we tend to get Slytherin sex god/goddesses who are having their first sexual experiences pretty early, though occasionally we get a more prudish/Puritanical Draco. We know in Lionheart’s universe, Narcissa alludes to a certain level of hanky panky with Lucius in the RoR, and it certainly seems like Draco had imagined any number of acts with Hermione, even if he hasn’t acted on them in public or perhaps even privately.

If it’s not spoilery, I’d love to know more about how Pureblood culture in Lionheart generally views sex/intimacy, especially inside/outside of courtship and marriage.

It's a mixed bag! I think the Slytherin sex gods thing is a kind of wish-fulfillment (loving compliment) because, put bluntly, the number of 15-17 year-olds who are even kind of charitably good at sex is a mathematical rounding error. Also, Hogwarts has group dorms. Sexiling one person in college is hard enough; imagine you have to sexile (i.e., declare publicly your intent to fuck) 3-5 people every time you want to mess around. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, it absolutely does — it's a coed boarding school, you can't fight the wind — but I will say it's probably more at the realistic level of high schoolers fumbling through the excruciating ordeal of learning intimacy, and not "the plot of Euphoria is happening in the dungeons at all times."

Anyway. I interpret the wealthier pureblood set as a kind of wizarding aristocracy, so while in general they're expected to perform to certain expectations and social mores when they're in social/public settings, the fact of the matter is it's the twentieth century and sexual mores are changing a LOT from decade to decade. Narcissa's upbringing would have been radically different from Draco's in terms of how much sex and intimacy would have been open subject — in no small part because Narcissa's generation kind of blew the ceiling off that particular conversation. She was born in 1955 and lived through the Sexual Revolution, meaning that her childhood, adolesence, and young adulthood took place in practically three different geological eras of social life. Meanwhile, women like Walburga and Druella were members of the Greatest Generation (maybe Silent Gen on the younger side), and would've been incredibly traditionalist.

Of course, no matter what the social rules are, teenagers will find a way around them. For the purposes of Lionheart, in 1995, it's understood by most pureblood parents that kids are gonna do what kids are gonna do, but there are specific standards about who you can be seen with and make certain kinds of promises to. Narcissa kind of references this at the end of book 3; she goes on this insulting little spiel about how generations of Blacks and Malfoys had secret muggle-born pets that they kept on the side, they just didn't bring them to dinner parties. Basically, what you do in the privacy of your bedroom is your own business; just don't get caught and don't try to push boundaries, and your social set will be understanding, up to a point. But it would be absolutely improper for "dating" or "courting" to take place between a muggle-born and a pureblood, because that expresses the intent to associate with them in Society, which is a discrete sphere with its own set of rules — one of which is that you have to enforce the caste system.

With respect to specific mores and rules, there's a few references to "etiquette." That stuff's inspired by real etiquette manuals from Victorian and Edwardian England, though I've occasionally thrown in my own twist when it suits me. Dance with the one that brought you; you should have an escort to balls, theoretically but not necessarily someone you're interested in; women run the household, men run the estate. There are certain standards of chivalry and respect on the men's part, but there are also standards of ladylike conduct and decorum on the girls'. Daphne is shocked when Katie wears a suit to the Ball— to the point where she's like "?? ARE you a girl?" — because the rules of dress and poise have been so drilled into her. The level of slut-shaming we get from the Slytherin girls (despite several Slytherin girls being sexually active) also indicates how female sexuality is policed in a way male sexuality isn't; the rumors about Draco and Daphne hurt Daphne, not Draco. This double-edged hypocrisy runs hand in hand with the idea that women are training to be wives, and shouldn't be sleeping with people (if anyone) who they're not seriously pursuing for marriage. Relatedly, courting/engaged couples are usually seen together, a la Crabbe and Millicent, because the idea is you're supposed to be preparing for your marriage; now that you're socially connected, you've begun your tenure as a Unit, and you're expected to act like it. It would be strange for Vince or Millie to go to a ball with someone else unless that partner was a relative or (possibly) a close family friend. It would... imply something.

Marriage between a man and woman would be expected, not because purebloods on the whole are traditionalist — which, to be clear, they are — but because the emphasis on bloodlines means children are a priority. Pansy gives us the best précis on this in Book 2. Blaise, being gay, is in an interesting place vis-a-vis the marriage question because his position doesn't come from being heir to an old estate, it's from his mother's money; in that respect, he's not bound by usual expectations of hereditary legacies, which is possibly why he's comfortable being out. (Although there's a blink-and-you-miss-it remark about some tension with his mom in "Miseducation.")

#in retrospect that moment with daphne is so funny to me #tfw your social rules are so intense you spontaneously invent the idea of being nonbinary to explain why Girl But Not Skirt??#and find that (to your understanding) completely novel concept more plausible than a girl just wanting to put a suit on #anyway. this is just incoherent rambling about sex and marriage and stuff #I hope it's half interesting!#lionheart spoilers

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animasola86 · 8 months

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A Night in the Undercroft (3/4)

Pairing: Sebastian Sallow x f!mc

Genre: Angst/Smut/Fluff // Words: 4.2k // [READ ON AO3]

Synopsis: After visiting Anne in Feldcroft with Solomon being the horrible person that he is, Sebastian and MC return to the Undercroft for some healing intimacy. (Give this boy a hug already!)

Warnings: Angst! Verbal abuse! NSFW! MDNI! Explicit sexual content! Horny teenagers! Rough sex!

-- Part 1 -- Part 2 -- // -- Part 4 --

Last warning: There's trauma and there's smut. And two people having it rough.

The Nightmare

Sebastian remained lying there, holding her, his mind too troubled to ease into sleep that quickly. He wrapped his arms tighter around her and closed his eyes, trying to focus on her warmth instead of the nagging thoughts of dread and bitterness.

When sleep eventually did grace him with its presence, it might have started out nicely as he remembered what they had just done together. Seeing her come undone due to his touches had been one of the best experiences in his life. Burying himself into her warmth came close second. Moving with her, their bodies so close, deeply connected, both physically and emotionally, becoming one, he couldn't have dreamt of anything better.

Yet along with his euphoria came the very familiar feeling of guilt. He would never admit to it in a conscious state, but whenever exhaustion washed over him and thinned the veil between his conscience and his deepest, darkest thoughts, those emotions started gnawing on his insides, turning every beautiful experience into something much darker, tinting it with a sad edge, forever corrupting it in his mind.

It was one single question, one single thought, that turned everything good into something he quickly regretted, or was told to regret.

How can I be happy when my sister is in constant pain and withering away with every passing heartbeat?

It was this question that was always in the back of his mind. He had done everything to distract himself from it and for a while, it had worked. Nebbia had made sure of it. She had felt, unconsciously or not, that he needed her to be close, constantly. She had known that if he had spent the night alone, it would have destroyed him. After what had happened in Feldcroft today, he had been absolutely certain that he would have either stayed up all night, forcing the nightmares away, or if he had surrendered to them, they would have damaged him only further.

And he had hoped, by spending the night with her, he would be able to fight them, fight the guilt and resentment, but it wasn't enough. It never seemed to be enough. How could he possibly top this, having her so close, feeling her breathing against him, her body warm and right there on top of him, and yet there he was, his mind clouded by darkness once again. And sleep was just a fickle thing, an illusion of rest, at least for him. He always woke up even more stressed, even more exhausted.

He had long realized that he wasn't just looking for a cure for his sister, but for himself as well. He needed her to be healthy again, back to her old self, to finally allow him to live his own life again. It was selfish, he knew that, but if he was to come out of this without completely losing himself, he needed it to happen that way. And he knew, in order to enjoy the little happy moments the gods had been gifting him as of recently, he had to research even more, find more books, more possibilities, more ways to finally be rid of this horrible curse.

For Anne, and for himself.

He breathed deeply and his thoughts finally quieted down a little, only a low throbbing behind his eyelids now. Darkness surrounded him. But that was never a good thing.

He found himself in a dark room, unable to see anything, not even his own hand. In spite of that he started walking, slowly, step after step, not afraid of the dark or the unknown. Yet there was something looming behind him, an even darker shadow that made him walk faster until he was running, breathlessly, deeper and deeper into the darkness.

Unable to get anywhere, he stopped and turned around, facing whatever was chasing him. His heart was pounding inside his chest as he clenched his hands into fists, bracing himself for whatever was coming. But when the voices grew louder, surrounding him, yelling at him, growling and snapping, grumbling and teasing, always angry, always condescending, he quickly found himself on his knees, his hands pressed on his ears, screaming for them to stop.

It was always Solomon's voice that haunted him, found him in his darkest dreams, turning every sleep into nightmares. Sebastian had tried to ignore him, cut him from his life, but how could he when it was his uncle who was caring for Anne? He needed him to care for her when he was at Hogwarts.

How dare you continue your education when your sister had to drop out? How dare you drop this responsibility on me? When it is your fault? It is your fault! You should have looked after her! You should have protected her! You're her brother! That is your duty!

He was already on the floor, a whimpering, screaming mess, rocking back and forth, trying to shut out the voices but they only got louder and louder, drowning out everything else.

And how dare you bring this girl to us today? Do you want to torment your sister? Show her how happy you are when she is withering away? How dare you! And always those ridiculous attempts at giving her hope! There is no hope! There is no cure!

“Shut up!” he screamed. “Shut up! Please!”

But Solomon's voice echoed through his head, through the darkness of his nightmare, and he was unable to stop it, unable to fight it. It would torture him until he finally woke up again, if he woke up again, and it would leave him feeling even more dreadful than before. Like always.

Yet through the darkness of this night's anguish came a softer voice. Barely audible amongst the yells and screams and growls, but it was there. And he scrambled to his feet, his head spinning and his heart racing, and he followed it. It called to him, gently, lovingly. Suddenly there was a light, a tiny little light in the far back of the dark room. He ran quicker, and even though the loud voices were right behind him, he reached out a hand and took a leap, grasping at the flimsy light, putting all his hope into it.

“Sebastian!”

He woke up with his throat hurting and a gasp falling from his lips. It took him a long while to come to his senses, realizing that the voices were gone, the darkness was gone, and he was lying on the lumpy couch in the Undercroft. And she was there. His eyes could barely focus on her pale face, but when they did, he inhaled deeply, a sigh of relief escaping his mouth. He reached up and cupped her beautiful face, caressing her cheeks with his thumbs, unaware of the tears falling from his lashes.

Nebbia watched him out of those big green eyes, concern plastered all over her pretty features. Her hands were on his face now, and he felt her wiping at his cheeks, only then noticing his blurry vision and burning eyes. He swallowed hard, blinking the tears away as best as he could. Yet his attempt at smiling failed miserably as his jaw clenched up immediately.

“Are you okay?” he heard her whisper as she watched him closely. “You were... screaming in your sleep.”

He exhaled loudly and closed his eyes, unable to meet her caring gaze any longer. His hands moved to her back, and even though he needed the comfort, he started rubbing her shoulder blades gently instead.

“Just a nightmare,” he admitted eventually, his voice hoarse. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you...”

“I'm only scared for you,” she said softly, and he felt her resting her head on his chest, lovingly stroking his skin as she settled down again.

“Don't be, I'll be fine,” he replied, not believing his own words. He opened his eyes and stared up at the vaulted ceiling, breathing deeply.

“I'm here for you, you know that, right?” she whispered after a moment of deafening silence.

He chewed on his lips before he pressed them to the top of her head. “I know. Thank you,” he then said quietly.

“No matter what,” she went on and shifted against him until she was facing him, her hand gently stroking his cheek. “Do you hear me?”

Her gaze was firm, and he wanted to believe her so badly, wanted it to be true, even though he knew he would lose her eventually as well. Like he would lose everything eventually. Because he didn't deserve it. Didn't deserve her.

“I hear you,” he whispered, holding her gaze.

She seemed unconvinced and rightfully so. Her hand moved to his jaw, and she pulled his face towards her before closing her lips around his gently. Her kiss was sweet, and every single touch, every little brushing, every little sucking, the smallest movement of her tongue asking him to open his mouth, felt wrong. The darkness was still too present in his head and every good thing turned bad again, even outside his dreams. And he wanted to scream yet again.

Let me have this! Please!

He closed his eyes, another tear falling from his lashes, as he kissed her back defiantly, hoping to savour the feeling, make it good again. Parting his lips for her, he pushed his tongue against hers demandingly, quickly turning the sweet kiss into a more passionate one. One of his hands grabbed the back of her head and pushed her even closer towards him, while his other hand travelled down her back until it closed around her bum cheek tightly.

She squeaked against his mouth in surprise, and that reaction alone caused him to smirk again. Kissing her more firmly, he kept kneading her soft flesh, his fingers teasing right along her crack downwards, his fingertips brushing against her folds as he remembered the first time he had touched her like this.

You will not take this from me! Never!

His other hand wandered down her body as well until he grabbed her rear with both hands, kneading and pulling her cheeks apart, moaning softly against her lips as he deepened the kiss hungrily. She squirmed on top of him, quiet whimpers falling past her tongue as she explored the inside of his mouth curiously. She might neither look it nor sound it, but she was just as eager to be close to him as he was to being close to her.

It had surprised him the first time he had kissed her, and it continued to surprise him, but it grew on him, and it made him want her even more. She was perfect. He didn't quite know if she was perfect for him, but she was perfect nonetheless, and he was lucky to have her give him this sort of attention. He was lucky to have her, period.

“Nebbia,” he growled quietly, kissing the corner of her mouth to catch his breath. “I need you,” he almost whimpered darkly, riding that post-nightmare vulnerability with all he had.

“I'm right here,” she replied, her hands holding his face firmly as she looked at him, her lips trembling and swollen already. “How... do you need me?” she then asked, correctly guessing his intentions.

He kissed her once more, with his tongue firmly gliding over her open mouth as she gasped against him, before he grabbed her shoulders gently and turned her around so that her back was pressed against his chest. Shifting behind her, he slid one arm under her body and held her close, while the other hand moved over her and gently grabbed her right breast, kneading it playfully as he pressed his lips against her shoulder.

She didn't seem too content about the new position, but she didn't object. He kept kissing the back of her neck, nuzzling his nose into her hair as he started grinding his hips against her rear, firmly pressing his hardening cock between her cheeks. He heard her whimper slightly, but instead of moving away, she pushed her backside firmer against him, craving that friction. He chuckled against her. His hand moved to her other breast, his fingers quickly finding her pert nipple, kneading and rubbing and rolling it to coax those sweet sounds out of her throat.

Of course she obeyed, and her moans quickly filled his ears, drowning out the distant voices. A groan escaped him, and he let his hand wander down her body, over her stomach and right between her tight thighs, his fingers sliding between skin and flesh until he found her slick. She arched her back into him, breathing heavier now. He held her close to him, his other hand stroking over her collarbone until he closed his fingers gently around her throat, just to hold her, until he felt her swallow against his palm. It took only a light squeeze to make her moan again.

It was almost too easy to get these noises out of her. He still loved every single one.

Kissing her shoulder, he kept pushing his cock between her cheeks, letting it slide through her wet folds as he started stimulating the little nub above them with a firm grip of his fingers, slowly circling it at first, then rubbing it tighter, until he pressed against it almost forcefully. She moaned louder, her legs twitching against him. Her fingers clawed at the hand around her throat now, not to make him stop, but to hold onto him as her body started shuddering and convulsing.

He let go of her clit and grabbed her thigh instead, firmly pushing her legs open to give him better access to her beautiful pussy. He kept moving his cock through her wet folds, coating himself with her slick, hardening more and more before he gave himself some quick reassuring strokes, until he grabbed it firmly and without any further preparation pushed his tip against her entrance, lying back a little to tilt her pelvis against him.

When he pushed in slowly but relentlessly, she cried out loudly, and he gripped her throat in response. “Shh...” he purred softly and kissed her ear. “Relax...” Her whimpers grew quieter, her body quivering slightly. He kept on pushing into her until he was swallowed by her tight warmth entirely, his balls pressing against the back of her thigh.

He heard her sobbing quietly and quickly grabbed her chin to turn her head towards him a little. She gasped, and he pressed his lips to her jaw, cooing consolingly. “Does it hurt?” he asked gently, almost hoping it would.

“Yes,” she admitted, and he couldn't help but feel a little proud. It was a sick and twisted thought, but a comforting one at that, that he had this power over her. He could do anything to her, make her happy, make her scream, hurt her only to comfort her after.

He kissed her cheek, tasting her salty tears. His tongue moved over her skin, lapping with long, broad strokes, while he started moving his hips against her, skipping the slow and gentle pace, falling right into a much quicker, more rapid rhythm. She moaned and whimpered, almost whined as she pressed her back against his chest. He slammed hard against her rear, the slapping of flesh against flesh music in his ears. His free hand moved back to her clit, and while he drove himself into her at a relentless tempo, he started rubbing and kneading the little nub between his fingers.

She cried out and squirmed against him, her chest rising and falling fast against his arm, her hard nipples brushing over his skin, making him pay more attention to the pert buds as well. Rolling and teasing them between the fingers of his other hand in the same fashion he was handling her clit, he quickly felt her coming undone right in front of him. Her moans grew louder, her breaths erratic and her entire body tensed, her thighs closing tightly around him as he kept thrusting into her through the waves of her orgasm.

She was convulsing against him, her back arching, her shoulders rolling forwards as her entire body seemed to twist in on itself. He gripped her tightly, holding her firmly in his arm as she spasmed more and more, until she screamed a muffled scream and stopped moving altogether, with only her whimpers showing him that she was still with him. He kissed her neck, whispering sweet nothings into her ear, calming her as he kept rocking his hips against her, faster and harder, using the clenching of her walls to push himself over the edge.

Yet it took longer this time, and he gritted his teeth, holding onto her body tighter as he quickened his pace, ramming into her as forceful as he could, as fast as humanly possible, fuelled by her whimpers and moans, until at last, he felt his cock twitching and he was ready to bust. Instead of emptying himself inside her again, he pulled out then and grabbed his girth firmly, pumping and squeezing until he spilled his seed all over her rear and between her thighs with a loud grunt.

He rolled onto his back, still holding his throbbing length, feeling more strands of cum spurting from his tip and dripping onto his hand. He was breathing heavily, his head completely empty. The voices were gone. Smiling to himself, he let go of his death grip on her body and snaked his arm back, gently rolling her over to face her again. Her eyes were puffy and red, her face flushed and her cheeks wet, her lips trembling. She sniffed quietly and slowly settled on his chest, her somewhat curious gaze on him.

“Do you feel better?” she whispered, her voice as strained as his.

He turned his head towards her and nodded, breathing loudly through his nose as he chewed on his lips. He let go of his cock then and wiped his seed on his leg, before raising that hand to gently touch her cheek. She watched him closely for a moment, before her eyes wandered towards his hand. Without hesitation she grabbed it and cradled it between her fingers, before bringing it to her lips and kissing it softly.

When he noticed that she was kissing away specks of his cum, he blushed deeply, his breath hitching in his throat. Unconsciously or not, but she was very meticulous in cleaning his fingers, her tongue flicking around his digits gently and thoroughly. And all he could do was watch her with wide eyes and a small proud smile on his lips. She was absolutely perfect.

Once she was done, she kissed his fingers again, before she stopped to look at his hand, then moved her eyes back to him, and once he held her gaze, she closed her lips around his fingertip and started sucking on it. He was so surprised, he issued a short laugh. So she wasn't as innocent and unknowing as he had thought.

“Where did you learn that?” he asked quietly.

She pulled his finger out of her mouth with a wet pop and smirked, despite the violent blushing of her cheeks. “Must have read it somewhere...” she whispered.

He chuckled at that and moved two of his wet fingers against her lips, gently stroking her mouth as she opened it for him. He explored the inside of her cheeks with deliberate touches, stroking and caressing, until he moved his fingers deeper, pushing against her tongue. He watched her closely, and when her eyes widened slightly, he pulled back again, despite his need to feel the back of her throat. But perhaps she wasn't ready for that yet.

It had been an eventful night, he shouldn't push his luck.

He pulled his fingers out of her mouth and leaned in instead, pressing his lips against hers gently, his hand stroking the side of her face as he kissed her softly. Her hands rested on his chest as she kissed him back gingerly, her lips closing around his bottom lip, before he got his tongue involved again. She was quick to respond and pressed her own tongue against his, tasting and licking, lips brushing and sucking, the kiss only a small representation of his many emotions for her.

Breathing heavily against her, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her on top of him fully, feeling her legs still slightly twitching. As he kissed her deeply and as her hands moved up to cup his face, he shifted beneath her, suddenly overwhelmed by how lucky he was: feeling her soft skin against his, her gentle touches, her unwavering affection for him despite all the things he had her endure tonight. It felt too good to be true.

He inhaled sharply as he turned his head to the side, breaking the kiss reluctantly, but necessarily. She continued kissing his cheek and jaw as he tried to catch his breath and calm his heart – and the doubts swirling through his head. Too bad the post-haze clarity would come so soon...

“I don't deserve you,” he heard himself whisper, barely audible to his own ears, yet she looked up quickly, and he noticed a shadow of concern washing over her face as he watched her out of the corner of his eye.

“Why do you say that?” she whispered back, her hands grabbing his head and turning it back to face her. She sounded almost stern.

“Because I don't, you are too good for me...” he said and pressed his lips together.

“With that logic,” she replied, frowning. “I don't deserve you too. Because you are too good for me too.”

He watched her long and hard. “I'm not as good as you think...”

She tilted her head and narrowed her eyes. “You are good to me. You've helped me so much already, in this short time that I'm here, that I've known you. You were always there for me, selflessly so, the first friend I ever had, the first...” She stopped and inhaled sharply. “Sebastian, I know why you think you don't deserve me. I know you feel guilty, because... how can you be happy, when your sister is not?”

He stared at her. How could she read him so easily, how could she say those words that have haunted him for so long?

“It's not your fault. That curse is not your fault!” she continued, watching him imploringly. “It was not your fault that Anne was cursed, you couldn't have protected her! She is her own person, she makes her own decisions. She wanted to help and found herself at the wrong place at the wrong time. There is no one at fault here, only the one who had cursed her.” Her voice was strained and shaking, but it brought her point across nevertheless.

Yet he couldn't reply to her well-intended words. He couldn't admit to them. Who was he to agree to this girl who tried to make it easier for him? He didn't deserve to have it easier. It wasn't fair! “It isn't fair...” he heard himself mutter, and his eyes started to burn. He inhaled sharply and looked away, feeling a tear fall from his lashes as he blinked. He quickly tried to wipe it away, but a tiny hand grabbed his wrist.

“I know it isn't fair,” she said softly and pulled his hand down, gently stroking his cheeks with her own fingers instead. “But you don't have to blame yourself for it day in and day out. I don't mean that you should forget it entirely, but... think of yourself for once, savour those little moments that make you happy. You won't be of any help to Anne, or anyone for that matter, if you push yourself to complete exhaustion and... utter madness.”

Her words echoed through his head, slowly sinking in. He breathed deeply, closing his eyes for a moment, before he looked back at her. “Where have you been all my life?” he then whispered, words spoken with a smirk to play it off as a tease, but he meant every single one of them.

“I'm here now,” she whispered back, her thumbs grazing over the smirk that deformed his lips. “And I'm not leaving.”

He frowned at that. “Don't promise that...”

“Why not? Unless you don't want me any more, but if it was just me, I'd choose to stay with you, no matter what...”

He shook his head slowly, a genuine smile lighting up his face. “You truly are too good to be true...” he whispered and leaned closer to kiss her softly. “Now stop being so sodding cute and genuine and perfect, okay? I can only handle that much!” He chuckled against her lips.

“Fine,” she agreed reluctantly and laughed softly. She kissed him back slowly, before nestling in the crook of his neck, breathing deeply.

He hugged her tighter to his body and kissed the top of her head. “Glad we settled that.”

“Me too,” she murmured.

“You always need to have the last word, eh?” he laughed.

“No,” she said with a smirk – definitely having the last word.

Notes:

Writing from Sebastian's POV always makes me go a little overboard. He turned out a little twisted, but come on, that boy is damaged, why shouldn't he be?!

So, part 3 of my four-part smut-series that I wrote in one entire afternoon and am now content-vomiting on tumblr and AO3, I can't help myself.

Part 1 - The Night (1)

Part 2 - The Night (2)

Part 4 - The Day After

#sebastian sallow #sebastian sallow smut #hogwarts legacy #hogwarts legacy smut #smut #hogwarts legacy fanfic

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oneforthemunny · 7 months

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Okay but you said mafia!eddie has a bear skin rug and it has got me thinking😮‍💨 someone is babysitting the dogs for y’all’s anniversary or a date night or something and it is cold so Eddie lights a fire and what was supposed to just be a nice fondue pot shared among y’all turns into sweet girl riding Eddie on the bear skin rug and Eddie can’t get over how hot it is because it is like something straight out of one of the pornos he had as a teenager🫣🥴🤤

the amount of times he fucks you on the bear skin rug in front of the fire is insane. straight out of his high school sexual fantasies. he loves it when you ride him, hands on his chest, watching you bounce and move and rock above him, the fire illuminating and glowing over your skin. it's his favorite thing.

i feel like he also has a fair share of nudies that he's taken of you on the rug. very cassie from euphoria style lol, but he loves them. the fire in the background and you're bare on the bear skin rug. if he's ever gone from you- which is rare- he'll bring those with him, jack off to them because they just drive him WILD.

#oneforthemunny #munnytalks #mafia!eddie munson

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kneelingshadowsalome · 10 months

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Now… we all know König is the epitome of a comphet man. Sadly, he has suppressed his homoerotic feelings (this guy has bathed in comics filled with half nude barbarian warriors, be they men or women, since he was a teenager) and will never address his bisexuality in any way because he's fixed on the ideal of some het idyll.

GODDD YOU WRITE!!! toxic kön so well it's actually unbelievable like it's so "traumatized person's idea of love that they based almost entirely on the dynamics of their family". like in that "im going to do it right and im gonna perform this role so well and ill be happy"

probably even better for him if his gf also comes from an awful family since she's willing to try and make the shoe fit all the time no matter if she fits that, if her own needs come out and she can admit them to herself because nothing can compare to the euphoria she (or könig) feels when he comes back home from deployment, meeting her in the kitchen where she's preparing food for him. and the house is clean and almost quiet and she has her hair and makeup done, she's so dressed up you'd think they're having guests over

probably bc the ghosts of their families (the arguments the physical abuse the fear and desperation and hopelessness and false promises of love and safety) are those omnipresent guests lmao. in their head there's a weird voyeuristic need to show off the perfect het relationship even when no one is watching

cw: im getting weird about gender in this next lart

but i bet könig and his gf in this case would also probably get scared shitless when put into a position that is the opposite of gender conformity.... (?)

his beloved would hate being compared to anything masculine, he hates being percieved as anything feminine. gender non conformity is something they feel is tied to being in a nonhet relationship so they will avoid it at all costs.

being in a het relationship, a traditional one especially, creates some kind of invisible boundary that they feel they can't cross 99% of the time, can't be forced into that other role of their "opposite" no matter what they do because the performance of masculinity and femininity is there in every other aspect of their lives and it makes them feel safe

he is the perfect man, the perfect husband and she is his perfect wife, a woman that only belongs to him and nothing can go wrong

"probably bc the ghosts of their families (the arguments the physical abuse the fear and desperation and hopelessness and false promises of love and safety) are those omnipresent guests lmao. in their head there's a weird voyeuristic need to show off the perfect het relationship even when no one is watching"

This is perfection, this whole message and esp. the paragraph above is art and you're so right!

And your analysis got me thinking...

What if they sometimes stray to the edges of conformity, for example Engel raises her voice and finally snaps at him? König gets to see something unusual: a woman being strong and putting up some boundaries and standing her ground... And he doesn’t get mad, he actually gets intrigued (even aroused??) So he continues to push those boundaries again and more often, tries to carve out that reaction so different from how his mother behaved when he was a child.

Or when Engel sometimes gets to be on top and ride him while having a wicked little twinkle in her eyes? König gets to witness the blunt force of her lust, sees a glimpse of this woman who is comfortable in her sexuality while he’s lying there under her, seemingly vulnerable, as she takes him, uses his body for a change? Fuuuuck

Or how Engel feels in those rare moments when König is seconds away from crying, he's sniffling in her tits because of this or that trauma response or trigger, when König, this big, broad, controlling and protective giant is the one who needs protection and support?

She feels so out of her element and at the same time feels such a relief when the eternal masculine monument of power finally crumbles, even if just a little, and she gets to caress his head and soothe König during his breakdown.

Then back to their “preferred” gender roles they go, König clears his throat and Engel cooks another dinner, giggles in his lap while he treats her like a fragile little princess…

Gahh I want Engel to try on his hood and like choke him a little in bed or something while König looks up at her with the tiniest tinge of submissive adoration. Also, why can’t these two just be normal and work their way out of their stupid problems in a healthy way lol… (I wouldn’t have anything but wholesome fluff to write then would I!)

#answered #yandere könig

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eleanor-bradstreet · 10 months

Text

The Field: Lavender Forever (Benedict Bridgerton x Reader)

Benedict Bridgerton x fem!Reader Modern AU Rated: 18+ - explicit sexual content, drug use Word count: 2.4k

Part 1: Dandelions Part 3: In a Week Masterpost

Summary: Two years into your relationship, you and Benedict share pleasures on a summer day.

Author's Note: The second in a four-part series based on songs about fields/nature that I associate with Benedict. This part is based on the song Lavender Forever by Jake Wesley Rogers. Thank you to the talented @bridgertontess who made me oodles of photo edits for the header image! 💙

Two years later

You were on your back with Benedict’s head between your legs when the tea took hold. Sprawled on his bed with your dress bunched around your waist, you surrendered your body to the sensations he and his favorite elixir could stir within you. You had been wary the first time he offered you the mysterious purple powder his brother Colin had brought back from some remote corner of the world. But after learning to mask the taste in a cup of tea and having several exhilarating trips where every nerve hummed with heightened sensation, you now shared his fondness for it, particularly when paired with sex.

You knew you were being irresponsible, rude even, to be getting high and getting off like a teenager visiting her boyfriend and sneaking around his parents’ house. But while he was your boyfriend and this was his family home, you were old enough to know better and Benedict was not the reason you were at Aubrey Hall. It was the company outing, now an annual tradition after its initial runaway success. It had grown from a dinner into an entire weekend and you had arrived early to help Anthony coordinate. Everything was in hand but you still would have made yourself available to your boss were it not for his brother who kept spiriting you away like some hedonistic pied piper.

It was the day before the employees arrived and you and Benedict were making the most out of your time together by indulging in every pleasure. It was something you had been working on perfecting, timing your dosage of the powder with your climb to orgasm so that both of the highs he offered hit you simultaneously. It was damn close this time, the weightless calm of the tea flooding in just moments before you felt the first flutters of ascent. You gripped into Benedict’s hair and pulled him closer against your body. He responded with a moan and sped up the fingers that were rocking inside you.

Then someone called both your names. It was Anthony. He was looking for you. You knew the door was locked but in that moment you wouldn’t have cared if it wasn’t. Soaring on the tea and the rising wave of release, all you could focus on was reaching your pinnacle. Breathing hard, you tugged at Benedict’s dark locks and began to grind against his tongue, building friction as he sucked your clit hard and wantonly.

Each of your names was shouted again, growing closer, more agitated. You were nearly there…

You panted to keep yourself from squealing and with a final swirl of his tongue, Benedict brought you over the edge. You rasped his name at the same moment Anthony barked it which caused him to laugh, releasing you from his mouth but keeping his hand in place as you writhed.

“Coming!” He called as you clenched around his fingers. You couldn’t even acknowledge his cheek. You were too numb, your entire body tingling as euphoria muted out the world. But then he was pulling you to stand, the two of you laughing as you straightened each other’s hair and somehow you wandered to the foyer below where Anthony was waiting. The powder had the strange effect of making time slow but also leaving you unable to remember one moment to the next. It rooted you firmly in the present with every sense notched to ten.

“Anthony?” You smiled and tried your best to sound sober. “What do you need?”

“Ah, there you are. What have you been up to?” He raised a curious eyebrow but when Benedict burst into a fit of giggles it lowered into a glare. “Actually…don’t answer that. I need to ask you, is the agenda finalized for the weekend?”

You could feel the stress pouring off of him though it was a foreign concept to you in your current state. “Yes, the coordinators have it.”

“Alright. And we’re good to announce the rollout of the new branding for the charity hospital?”

“Yes, it’s all taken care of.” Despite your current immature behavior, you really had completed all your tasks and were happy to report as much. As you watched the tension easing out of Anthony’s stance, you felt arms wrap around you from behind and the warm breath of someone nuzzling into your neck.

“Benedict, do you mind?!” Anthony growled. “Can we have one minute of peace to discuss some business?”

You bit your tongue to keep from bursting into laughter as Benedict pulled away, hands raised in defeat.

“Sorry, sorry.”

You turned to see him saunter over to a flower arrangement and begin stroking the petals.

Anthony’s eyes rolled so hard you swore you could hear them. “And the uh…the hampers. For the picnic.”

You nodded. The weekend was going to kick off with a relaxed reception. Each guest being gifted a hamper of local treats to sprawl with on the grounds as they settled in. “Daphne and your mother are putting them together in the back garden. I can go and check on them now.”

He sighed in relief. “Thank you. You’ve taken care of everything.”

“I always do.”

He matched your grin and you basked in the warmth of his favor. Then Benedict suddenly appeared beside him and booped him on the nose with an orange daisy, sound effect and all. The two of you couldn’t contain your hysterics as the viscount clenched his jaw and stormed off to escape you.

You were slightly more apprehensive about hiding your condition from Benedict’s mother and sister but thanks to his antics you hardly needed to. You found them both in the kitchen garden, hampers arrayed before them as they inspected the contents. Benedict swooped in, gave each a kiss on the cheek, complimented how Daphne was tying bunches of Clyvedon lavender to the handles, slipped a hamper onto his arm ‘for a test run’ and pulled you away. It was not what you had intended by checking on their progress but you were so giddy you didn’t protest. As you scampered along the back of the house where staff were bustling with deliveries and laundry, he pilfered a quilt that had been hung to dry with other linens.

Then you were out on the grounds and far from any onlookers, weaving your way around out buildings and trees, taking a familiar route that made your destination obvious. But the effects of the powder lent the well-worn path a new magic. Your journey seemed to take a day, you and Benedict both falling into a slow, wandering gait with your eyes casting about at the nature that surrounded you. He would sling an arm across your shoulders and marvel as he pointed out dragonflies and rabbits through the sun-dappled shadows. You felt like Alice, swirling in a strange and beautiful wonderland.

Then you reached the field, overgrown and verdant, the grass rippling with the warm breeze. There were no dandelions to be found, not only because the season had passed but because the Bridgertons had actually taken your suggestion and harvested the blooms to try their hand at wine making. Benedict had insisted on it that day when you shared your first kiss and the product of the first harvest was tucked into the hampers for everyone to sample.

You spread the quilt and began to rifle through your spoils like a couple of wily scavengers. Inside you found the bottle of wine bearing the label you designed, a jar of honey, a wedge of cheese, a small bit of bread and fruit from the orangery among other little delights. You loosened the bunch of lavender and breathed deep, feeling its calm sweetness waft over you. You began to twist at the stems, an old hobby from childhood, and within minutes had fashioned a fragrant crown.

You popped it onto Benedict’s head with a giggle. “I hereby proclaim you Lord of Summer.” He rolled his eyes but left it on, too distracted by the food.

You began to sample everything on offer. The scents were mouthwatering, the colors overwhelming. Benedict promptly began eating the honey with his hands. When he caught you watching him he held a sticky finger to your lips and moaned as you sucked it clean, never breaking eye contact. It tasted like sunshine.

There was a small knife in the hamper and you attempted to slice the cheese but with half your mind floating somewhere else altogether, you slipped and cut your finger instead. You hissed as you held it aloft, watching a crimson drop swell on your fingertip, captivated by the way it sparkled in the light. Benedict lightly took your wrist, equally mesmerized.

“This passed through your heart,” he murmured. “And you live in mine.” Then with the gentlest swipe of his tongue he lathed your wound and sealed it with a soft kiss. The act felt so profound, so intimate, that you could feel your heart tugging to get closer to him. Within seconds your tongues were entwined, as were your limbs, and you both shed your clothing until you could feel the heat of the sun on every inch of your skin.

You rolled to straddle him, never failing to marvel at the planes of his toned body. You found him aggravatingly attractive when sober and now with the heady haze of the powder he seemed like the male ideal; Adam waiting for you in the Eden of the field, a perfected creature born and bred in flowers. Planting your hands on his chest you lowered onto him, both of you groaning in ecstasy, and then began to move. You were somehow drowning in the sensations of your body and floating high above them simultaneously. It was almost as if you could picture yourselves from a distance, the two of you entirely nude, clothed in nothing but sunlight and writhing rhythmically against one another. Surrounded by nature and the dusky perfume of lavender it felt primal, pagan, an ancestral ritual you were reviving. Benedict trailed his hands up to cup your breasts, watching you, enthralled as you rode him.

As always with this elixir time seemed to bend, leaving you no measure for how long you chased pleasure together. All you knew was that you reached a crescendo when pixelated rainbows burst behind your eyelids. Your heart felt as rapid as a hummingbird’s and was joined by the throb of Benedict between your hips, pulsing something electric into your every nerve. You both panted and laughed, content to stay joined together.

“Marry me.” Benedict looked up at you with eager eyes, all smiles beneath his lavender crown.

You paused. “Ben…you need to stop asking me that.”

His request didn’t bowl you over because it was the third time you had heard it. The first was far too early in your relationship to take seriously. The second had been what he requested as a gift for his most recent birthday and you were convinced he was joking. But now it seemed he wouldn’t relent.

“You need to give me a straight answer.” He frowned.

“It’s not fair when we’re high and you’re inside me.”

Benedict smirked, running his thumbs gently over your hipbones. “An altered man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts. I want your honest answer.”

Your heart thudded double time. You knew your honest answer. You had known it from your first kiss. But there was always some anxiety that stopped you from speaking freely, some logical argument that your brain lobbed to overrule your heart. You had wanted to wait until a respectable amount of time had passed in your relationship. You had worried what it would look like if you married into your boss’s family. Mostly you couldn’t quite allow yourself to believe you could be so lucky.

“I honestly think your timing is terrible.” You deflected.

“The timing is perfect.” He studied you, pupils wide. “I can see your soul shimmering around you. The blues… the greens… iridescent.” He ran his fingers feather-light up the sides of your body and down your arms, tracing your outline. “It changes color when you’re laughing. When we’re making love. I want to see what color it is when you say yes.”

Your breath caught, stunned and a bit jealous that you had not received the same superpower from the tea. You didn’t know if you could see his soul but he did look ethereal, glowing like a stray stream of light. Then again, he always looked like that to you. He was sun-kissed even in the darkest of hours, possessing some innate source of joy.

“Bit presumptuous to think I’m going to say yes.” You teased.

“Then tell me why you would say no.”

“We’re already mucking up this weekend enough as it is. If we get engaged Anthony may kill us both.”

“That’s why you don’t want to announce an engagement, not why you don’t want to marry me.”

“Ben…” you breathed, knowing he had you cornered.

He continued. “Because if the rest of my life could be like the last two years, I know it will be a good one. I love everything we do together. I love picking you up from work. I love reading next to you and feeding you and fucking you and buying you toothpaste and painting you and cherishing you.”

He laced his hands with yours and held them tight to his chest, speaking softly. “I was born to love you and I want to die that way. That’s why I want to marry you. Why don’t you want to marry me?”

Tears pricked at your eyes as love and excitement swelled within you. If this had all been a ploy to make you emotional and vulnerable to his advances, it had worked. But you couldn’t be mad at him. Perhaps he had understood exactly what you needed to overcome your defenses. You couldn’t think of any reasons to resist anymore but still knew you couldn’t topple the plans for the weekend.

“Ask me again on Monday.”

His pale eyes sparkled as a crooked grin overtook his features. “Is that a yes?”

You beamed, nodding, praying that you weren’t hallucinating. Benedict gasped, gazing up at you in awe.

“Purple,” he whispered. “It’s purple. Lavender.” Then he lifted the crown from his head and reverently placed it on yours.

The two of you stayed in the field for the rest of the day, lounging half-clothed in each other’s arms and watching the clouds float by until the sky grew ombre and the grass grew dewy. You polished off the picnic and opened the wine as you descended back to earth. It was sweet with a kiss of grassy bitterness. Exactly as you remembered from childhood. A resounding success. A memento of your first fateful meeting in the field returning to celebrate this one.

Tagging: @angels17324 @bridgertontess @broooookiecrisp @secretagentbucky

#bridgerton #bridgerton fanfiction #bridgerton x reader #bridgerton x y/n #bridgerton x you #bridgerton imagine #benedict bridgerton #benedict bridgerton fanfiction #benedict bridgerton x reader #benedict bridgerton x y/n #benedict bridgerton x you #benedict bridgerton imagine #benedict bridgerton smut #female reader #modern au #smut #romance #lavender forever

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choccy-milky · 2 months

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1. your fic is absolutely amazing. Have been bingeing it and I’m literally obsessed. The way you write just itches my brain in such a good way, literally cannot contain my love and appreciation for your work👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 cheers to you!!! Can’t wait to keep reading

2. As I was reading I found out you also deadass drawing the art to go w/ the fic?? Literally you’re living my dream 😭 plus your art is so so so well done!!!!! It’s added so much joy to my reading experience

Cannot wait to see what else you have in store!!’ Hope you have an amazing, AMAZING day, week, year, etc.!!!! 💞🙌🏻🫶🏻

OMG IM GONNA CRY 😭😭 BAHAHA U SENT THIS AT SUCH A CRAZY MOMENT cuz i just checked my ao3 comments and was down about a rude comment i got, and then i come to tumblr and like, a few mins later/literally AS i was venting about it, u send this BAHAHA your choccy senses were tingling. IM SO GLAD U LIKE IT THO AND THAT YOURE ENJOYING IT (and my drawings, even if youve defs seen spoilers by now BAHHA) hope u have a good day too, u defs brightened mine!! THANK UUUU💖💖💖

@kaviary-blog this looks so funny bc i censored u just to keep it (mostly) spoiler free BUT AW THANK U DAMN IM HONOURED THAT MY FANFIC WAS THE ONE TO MAKE YOU CRY?? IM SO HAPPY HOW INVESTED YOU ARE 😭😭💖💖 im also super happy with that chap and its so satisfying like you said to finally be able to tie of all those threads so IM GLAD IT WAS WORTH IT💖

@lovesicklovermia ONE DAY???? OMG. FIRST TWO DAYS NOW ONE?? ITS JUST GETTING SHORTER AND SHORTER. next thing i know someones gonna be like yeah so i took some highly experimental drug that lets me read at 1000% the pace of a normal person, and i finished ur fic in 2 hours 😍omg loved it!!!😍😍 BAHAHAHA but omg i totally see what u mean, they do HAHA. AND THANK U💖💖 IM GLAD UR LIKING IT💖

YEAH so in my fic fifth years are 16, and by the time things get....explicit....clora and seb are 17. im not against consuming media with teenagers depicted in sexual situations like euphoria or riverdale or w.e else bc i get that its fiction and these are just real things that happen so its fine to write about them, but their canonical ages of 15 was still too young for me and i wanted them to be 17 before it got the E rating (which is why clora and sebs birthdays end up being so close, bc i was RUSHING for them to turn 17 BAHAHHAA)

BAHAHA clora and seb secretly being together is like the most poorly kept secret in my fic, like im sure her parents technically KNOW, but due to old fashioned traditions and whatnot (and it being 1891) seb wants to be able to propose properly and with a proper ring, bc clive is intimidating and he doesnt wanna just be like "yeah so im dating your daughter and weve already fucked and i plan to marry her" LOOL he wants to do things properly and be with her with her dads permission(even tho its a bit late for that HAHA) BUT WE CAN JUST PRETEND. tldr its basically just out of some sense of chivalry on sebs side, a fear of her dad, and wanting to do things right LOL

ALSO WAIT OMG STOPPPPP I WAS LITERALLY JUST ABOUT TO POST THIS BUTI HAVE TO INCLUDE THIS NOW

YOU SAW MY POST AND IMMEDIATELY DREW THIS AS A RESPONSE WHILE IN CLASS?? BAHAHAHA IM ACTUALLY SO TOUCHED RN IM TEARING UP WTF THATS SO SWEET OF YOU WTFFFFFFFFF THANK YOU SO MUCH😭😭😭💖💖 (NOW PAY ATTENTION IN CLASS!!🤬🤬)

#ask #rude comment?? forgotten. coke zero?? SLURPED #the irony of drawing CLORA in class bc she would disapprove and want u to pay attention BAHAHAH

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abookloverlmao · 1 year

Text

𝐄𝐔𝐏𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐀 - JJ Maybank

Hello! bro it's been a while, this will probably be plenty of chapter, Idk yet cause I wrote this at midnight, so this probably shitty, but i hope you enjoy it! the picture is by me.

Warning: Kooks being perverts asshole, Rafe is kind of one too (sorry Rafe<3), reader has family issues, prankster!reader, angst ig?, fluff, sexual tension, swearing, alcohol, smoking weed, mention of drugs, running away, etc... (you have been warned!!)

Song: Me and your mama

Euphoria: a feeling or state of intense excitement and happiness.

☆☆☆☆

Pranks, music, and freedom were her top three favorite things.

She was a kook and her life was the most boring shit ever, like really, the most boring thing ever.

while watching the teenagers her age have fun and laugh around, she stared from the window, blasted music, or stared at the ceiling.

No matter the alcohol she consumed, drugs she took, or pranks she played, she felt numb, really numb. She tried to feel a thing, well she did until she was with Sarah and a small flicker of happiness showed itself in her eyes.

Other than that, she never felt happiness until she took some drugs, a euphoric feeling that didn't last, it never did, the joyful feeling that made you grin like an idiot was fake.

Well, that was until a certain blonde appeared in her life, a mild kleptomaniac known as JJ Maybank.

She was like Sarah Cameron, her one and only best friend, quick-witted and kind-hearted yet she can be very rude towards the kooks trying to hit on her, such as Rafe Cameron, Kelce, etc...

Sarah once had to pull the girl away from one of the boys at a party before she could smash his head with the beer bottle after he called her a bitch for not accepting his date.

Did she expose him for faking his age to fuck girls younger than him? yes. was he humiliated and couldn't leave his house for weeks? also yes.

But to her friends, she was kind and loyal and would do absolutely anything for them.

and it seems like the wall she built around her heart seemed to suddenly disappear when JJ motherfucking Maybank actually found a way to slither his way into her heart, stealing it, especially every time he offers to teach her how to surf (he never offered something like that) and when he would pay for her drink every time she went to a store.

The first time JJ came to offer her surfing lessons was at the restaurant, he managed to steal a clean shirt and shorts from god knows who and where, yet he managed to sneak in, watching her clean the counter with an earphone on one ear and she was humming quietly, fixing his red cap he walked towards her leaning against the marble counter.

"Hello sir, what can I get you- what the fuck." her tone was bored and she tried to show a hint of joy which was 100% fake, blinking at the shaggy blonde-haired boy in front of her she placed a hand on her hips.

"what are you doing here? and you look fucking ridiculous." she chuckled at the big light-colored clothes that made him weirded out, grabbing a toothpick from the counter he placed it between his lips, "that's not how you greet your guests, sweetheart." taken back by the sudden nickname, she could feel the blood rushing to her cheeks.

"what do you want to order, pretty boy?" she asked ready to type his order down, "hell no, you think I will take something from this restaurant and pay 1000 dollars?" rolling her eyes at the boy she placed her hand on the counter leaning in towards him with a cocked eyebrow.

"then what do you want, exactly?"

JJ gulped trying not to look down at her slightly exposed collarbone, her perfume brainwashed him more than the weed ever did, and he suddenly forgot what to say, "I want to teach you how to surf, I've never seen you surf ever before...definitely because it's not a kook thing."

Y/N fixed her posture tilting her head with her lips twisting slightly, "why the sudden offer?" he wanted to spend some time with her, she was hot, pretty, and very fucking badass. he had to find a lie but he couldn't even utter a word except scratch the back of his neck.

He stayed silent and Y/N smiled at the boy and he swore the restaurant got a hundred times hotter, "well?" shit.

"because...shit, fuck! I want to get to know you besides John B is hanging out with Sarah, Kie with Pope and I am all fucking alone." he said throwing his arms around in annoyance, she listened before laughing at the boy, "aw poor JJ is all alone~" she teased turning over to grab a bottle of beer.

"Fine, I will meet you in front of the beach in 2 hours." handing him the bottle she watched the way his eyes sparkled as if he had never seen a bottle look so expensive, "even glass is gorgeous, bro," he muttered his breath yet she heard him.

"Do you want to take it, yes or no?"

"why? you will get fired." she rolled her eyes at the boy as if she never stole bottles from here to get drunk at home or with Sarah.

"for the effort to ask me out." she shot him a wink before handing him the bottle and gesturing for him to leave with wide eyes once hearing someone walking.

Just as she turned back in front of her JJ was nowhere to be found as if he was never there, shaking her head with a bright smile she turned back towards the clients that just called out for her.

Right after she finished work and counting the money she almost ran to her house to get ready, wearing a black bikini bottom followed by shorts that were slightly bigger than her and flip flops.

Grabbing the towel lastly and putting an oversized shirt on top of her bottom she walked out of the room holding her bag and earphones, "and where are you going?" asked her mother holding a cup of wine, turning towards her mother not even noticing Rose sitting on the couch.

"for a swim, obviously." With that she walked out of the house not wanting to hear any more of her lecture and started walking down the streets towards the ocean, music blasting in her ear as she ignored the whistling coming from the Kooks and Rafe Cameron being one of them.

car honking startled her and she looked to her side seeing Kelce eye her up and down with his lower lip tucked under his teeth, "how about we have fun, huh Y/N?" she stopped brutally turning to look at him with a fake smile.

"how about I cut off your dick and shove it down your throat, huh Kelce?" venom was clear in her tone as daylight as she showed him her middle finger seeing rage bubble in his eyes.

Her eyes were like a volcano as she death glared at the boy before continuing her way down the streets hearing Rafe's laugh fade and Kelce drive away, the tires screeching against the road making her roll her eyes.

Boys. Kooks, ugh.

sitting on the sand as soon as she reached, she stared at the ocean ahead finally calming down after weeks of having stress and anger eating her alive.

Exhaling, she closed her eyes and threw her head back letting the sunlight kiss her body and calm her down, the sun was suddenly gone and she groaned, opening her eyes to be met with JJ Maybank holding his surfboard and wearing nothing but swimming shorts.

fighting the urge to eye him up and down she raised an eyebrow, blonde damp locks shone like golden coins because of the sun, his skin slightly tanned and muscular as she watched his muscles flex as he tried to stop his board from slipping.

He held two actually.

Clearing her throat she got up before lifting the shirt over her head and then getting rid of her shorts revealing swimming ones under, she hated those bikini underwear especially when boys stared at her, after finally getting ready and putting her bag inside the twinkie, she grabbed the surfboard.

"ready, princess?" he asked teasingly looking towards the girl who walked beside him towards the sea, the sand leaving foot marks behind as she walked with a frown.

"If I drown, I'm haunting you." she threatened the boy shivering at the thought, he chuckled, "I hate ghosts, but fine. Deal." With that she walked again, the water reaching her ankles and then up to her waist.

"Okay so, follow my lead." She watched him lay on the surf his chest pressing to it and his hands on both sides, doing the same thing with her eyes still glued on him as she watched, falling plenty of times into the water.

Annoyed she grunted before gesturing for him to come and help her, he admired her with a smile that showed his dimples and Y/N almost fell again.

"There we go, atta girl. Now, the hard part, I need you to stand up on the board." He did it before hoping off making sure to keep the board by his side, the panic was clear in her eyes as she stood on shaky legs, yelping at the thought of falling she closed her eyes shut trying to straighten her posture.

A hand was suddenly on her waist keeping her steady, eyes opening immediately she looked towards JJ who didn't even notice where he placed his hand, or even bothered.

Yet, she stayed silent.

For the first time ever she let a boy touch her, a boy even talk to her without her snapping at them, looking down at her feet then at JJ, a wide grin spread across her face, and it lit the entire world.

She smiled at him, him only.

And JJ felt like he was staring at the sun as if the rays were blinding him completely, and the sun was the biggest star in the galaxy, so of course it reached every corner, and her smile reached the dark corners in his life, the whole room lit and his stomach did backflips.

Gulping he smiled back at her, showing his dimples, and of course, neither saw the wave and so in a blink of an eye, Y/N fell to the water with JJ at the same time, his hand slid and his whole arm wrapped around her stomach as the wave hit them harshly.

Opening her eyes in the salty water she looked for the boy who closed his eyes tightly, grabbing his wrist she swam to the surface gasping for air.

Closing her eyes in pain she pushed her hair from her face groaning in pain as her ears suddenly started ringing.

Even JJ who was used to the ocean and harsh waves was groaning in pain, "I think my heels touched the back of my head." Both grabbed their boards and walked out of the water.

But once seeing him blinking in pain, she laughed, throwing her head back and JJ chuckled, he watched the way her eyes sparkled, the way drops of water slid down her exposed back as she walked, hair so wet that he wanted to take a strand and roll it between his fingers.

He had never seen her like that, shoulders shaking and eyes almost disappearing from smiling so hard, her eyes were always narrowed into slits, and JJ never felt more proud than to be the one who made her laugh so hard to the point where she was about to collapse.

"That wave almost knocked us out." she finally spoke glancing up at the sky, the sun was starting to set, hues of orange and yellow starting to appear as she glanced over to the blonde boy who was preparing to leave, with flushed cheeks at the sight of him stretching she inhaled.

heat rushing to her cheeks she couldn't stop her eyes from roaming down the boy's perfect body, her eyes followed the drop of water racing down his chest, stopping for a second once reaching his abs then continuing its way down, she tore her gaze away from his body to his face, the wet shaggy blonde hair and his dreamy blue eyes, his sharp features and his soft kissable lips.

It was the first time in months she felt happy.

wrapping the towel around her body and ruffling her hair to get rid of the sand and water she looked for the oversized shirt but it was nowhere to be found, "what the fuck-" she exclaimed pulling all her clothes out and sighing in frustration, "some motherfucker stole my fucking wallet!" yelled JJ in anger.

"Someone stole my shirt, now I'm staying like this!" she also exclaimed leaning against the twinkie beside him, their shoulders brushed together and Y/N let out a breath she didn't know she was holding, JJ's shoulders tensed slightly at the feeling of her skin pressing against his.

"whoever that fucker was, gave me this paper." he handed her the paper that was between his fingers, taking the folded paper she opened it immediately recognizing the handwriting that belong to no other than Kelce.

"That's what you get for stealing my girl, dirty pogue."

Bubbling in rage she took a deep breath to ease her anger before ripping the paper, "I'll help you find whoever stole your wallet, as a thank you." she said walking away to the other side to take a seat, JJ watched her before nodding at her words.

"fine."

It was hard to believe that a Kook girl will help him find his wallet, no one will believe him if he said that Y/N L/N hang with him and will help him find his wallet.

Everyone knew that she was harsh with every person.

She could tell the last two words hurt him and that was probably the reason why he was silent for the first 5 minutes JJ was never silent so seeing him like that, terrified her.

"hey uhm, are you okay?" she asked mentally cursing at herself for asking such a stupid question, JJ turned for a second towards the girl who looked at him shivering slightly since she was still wearing only the bikini top.

JJ turned around seeing his favorite short sleeve work shirt folded on the box nearby, "I'm fine, can you get that for me please, angel?" nodding she moved to get the shirt and JJ tried to keep his eyes on the road then at the pretty girl, the scent of sea and flowers brainwashed him.

Handing it to him she watched as he looked at the shirt before at her form with the corner of his lips twisting, "wear it, you just got out of the sea and it's getting cold, wouldn't want our princess to catch a cold." with rosy cheeks she grabbed the shirt doing as told, it was bigger than her and smelt like coconut and the tiniest hint of gasoline.

you probably must be thinking it smelt bad but it didn't, it was comforting, it smelt like...home. His scent made her feel safe, what the fuck?

The fabric caressed her skin softly as she smiled quietly to herself, her lip under her teeth as she could feel her heart hammer against her chest in rhythm with the music playing softly in the background, fighting her grin from spreading across her face like a drunk woman.

me and your mama by Childish Gambino playing in the background

Bobbing her head to the music she stared outside, the sun disappeared and the moon was making its way up, the multicolored lights flickering in her ravishing eyes as she stared at the houses, opening the window she let the air slap her cheeks and her hair fly freely as she placed her arm out as if she was flying.

Bobbing her head to the music she stared outside, the sun disappeared and the moon was making its way up, the multicolored lights flickering in her ravishing eyes as she stared at the passing houses, opening the window she let the air slap her cheeks and her hair fly freely as she placed her arm out as if she was flying.

Y/N wasn't scared of falling even if half her body is now out the window, she was safe with him, and she felt safe anyways, JJ turned on the music and it was now blasting, she was facing the moon and a wide grin was on her soft lips.

Sitting back down on the chair she sang with the music, "Let me into your heart!" she pointed at him playfully watching as he leaned in to sing along and JJ swore he melted like ice cream on a hot day, putting her hand in front of him like a microphone she leaned singing along.

She is so beautiful, with orange-blue color contrast, basic right? but no she looked like a goddess, a moon-ish backlight and street lamps behind the trees.

Figure 8 appeared and Twinkie came to a stop, Y/N snapped out of her fantasy and happy land and sighed once seeing her house come into sight, the 30 minutes of happiness gone but still a little bit of hope clear in her E/C eyes.

JJ opened the door for her and gave her his hand, she smiled putting hers on top of his, fingers jointly like a perfect puzzle, their skins were meant to be pressed together always.

It was as if an enigma was finally solved, the electricity rushing through their veins every time their hand brushed together or even shoulders, the shirt reached her thighs and JJ reddened at the sight of her wearing his clothes, his favorite shirt especially.

She will never forget his hand on her waist, the cold metal of his rings pressing against her skin.

"Thank you, gentleman." she grinned starting to make her way down the streets after grabbing her bag making sure to gesture for him to come along, JJ ran to walk beside her, his hands in his pockets as he walked silently stealing glances.

He was looking around, eyes sparkling in pure awe as he stared at the freshly cut grass, and the huge balconies, everything was expensive.

Y/N soon came to a stop once reaching in front of her door turning to look at the handsome blonde pogue with a smile, he smiled back showing his dimples, "thank you." both spoke in unison before breaking into chuckles.

"Really, JJ, today was the happiest day of my life," she spoke her voice low and sweet like an angel and god the way she said his name, "thank you so fucking much."

JJ beamed for the 100th time today and spoke in a whisper hoping no one could see them, rumors would spread like a virus if anyone noticed them together, especially dirty ones about Y/N being a traitor.

but she didn't care.

"Today was the happiest day of my life also, even if we almost died by a wave." laughing she nodded her head, moving from one foot to the other awkwardly, butterflies erupting her stomach and making a whole party.

"See you in Midsummer?" She said reaching to climb the wall but turning around making three grand steps, and standing on her tiptoes, she pressed her lips against his cheek which immediately warmed.

"Yes ma'am-"

With that, she grabbed hold of the railings jumping over the wall easily as if she was doing it since forever.

"Holy fucking shit." Muttered JJ placing his fingers where her perfect lips were, and Y/N muttered the same thing under her breath as she walked towards the door with a bright smile on her lips.

The girl didn't care about her mother's scolding but only the way she felt so happy and free with the blonde pogue, she squealed once throwing herself on the bed.

"Oh my god!" She exclaimed once remembering the way he kept glancing at her and the whole incredible day that she will never forget any time soon.

☆☆☆☆

Midsummer came and Y/N was thinking of a way to get JJ's wallet back from the boy who was obsessed with her, she and the blonde boy met again and she got better at surfing, no one knew about their secret meetings except Kelce who probably told Rafe and Topper.

But she didn't care.

Here she was wearing a navy blue silk dress that clung to her body like a second skin, black heels, and hair in a bun with few strands out and a chain wrapped around the bun.

She looked absolutely beautiful, the silver stars' earrings sparkling every chance the light hit it, she was bored, very bored, Sarah was in the bathroom and the only person she saw was Pope and Kiara talking.

Walking towards them, her heels clicking with each step she smiled softly at Pope who was the first to see her behind the Carrera girl.

"Hey, guys." She greeted kindly and Pope mirrored her expression and Kiara only nodded as a hello, not really trusting her, "uhm, have you seen JJ today?"

Pope nodded his head, Kiara frowned until her brows bumped each other but didn't say a word, "I think he said he will come later today, to see you?" Trying to fight the grin threatening to spread across her face she nodded.

"Thank you." With one last grin, she walked away stealing some champagne from the waiter brushing past her like the wind, taking a sip she cleared her throat before walking towards Topper, Rafe, and Kelce who were talking.

Exhaling to keep her annoyance down she stepped towards the kooks with the fakest grin on her lips, "boys. May I steal Kelce from you? Thank you." Grabbing his wrist she dragged him past the people before pushing him towards an empty hall.

With a death glare, she spoke through gritted teeth, "the wallet. Now." Her hand was out as she waited impatiently for him to place the wallet in her hand.

Her foot tapping against the ground anxiously as she waited, Kelce grimaced reaching to twirl the strand between his fingers, grabbing his wrist with a look full of hot rage.

"Give me the fucking wallet now, Kelce." She said again voice raising, "kiss me." He ordered grabbing her arm and pulling her closer to him, she froze in disgust.

Reaching sneakily to grab the wallet she leaned in taking a deep breath just as he was about to press his lips against hers, snatching the wallet from his hand she turned back around and started making her way back out.

"Are you shitting me?!" A harsh hand grabbed her wrist pulling her back in, she turned around with frowned eyebrows, "seriously? I have been trying to be with you since god knows when and all that for a dirty pogue-"

She yanked her wrist away from his hold and a sharp slap echoed around the room, his cheek throbbing in pain as she stepped closer in anger.

"Wanting to be with me? Do you think I'm stupid? You have been doing nothing but trying to sleep with me, bro?! Get hold of yourself, you're the dirty one, not JJ. Now please, leave me the fuck alone. You don't own me." She spoke coldly pointing her finger at him.

With that she walked away fuming in anger, all the kooks have been trying to do everything to sleep with her, and she was sick and tired of it.

Once she opened the door the first person that greeted her was Rafe Cameron holding champagne, he smirked at her raising his cup, and watched as she rolled her eyes brushing past him.

bumping his shoulder.

He was listening the entire time, once Kelce walked out of the room wincing at his cheek he looked at Rafe who raised an eyebrow, "told you, bro, you ain't sleeping with her. Now give me my 100 dollars please."

Walking outside with a sigh she looked around, her eyes catching Sarah who was talking to Topper in annoyance, walking towards her girl best friend she grabbed the blonde's girl hand dragging her away from Topper.

"Hey!"

"Shut up, Topper." Both the girls snapped back walking away, "I'm sick and tired of boys, are you okay?" Asked the H/C-haired girl cupping her friend's cheek, Sarah smiled softly at her friend.

"You are lucky I am always here to save your ass." Y/N rolled her eyes and handed Sarah a cup of champagne she stole from the waiter.

Sarah placed her lips on the girl's cheek with a smile, "thank you for saving my ass, I love you." Sarah said watching as the girl broke into a grin.

"I love you too."

Y/N didn't see JJ since their last so-called surfing lesson, he didn't appear at work, and she was getting worried.

Sarah wouldn't stop talking about John B saying that he was charming, handsome, and caring, and the girl found herself wondering what it would be if it were JJ and she was Sarah.

Creating names for one another, choosing each other's clothes, and kissing under the rain.

Shaking her head with a scoff she looked up from the beige liquid and her eyes went back to the slightly drunk Sarah, catching JJ Maybank handing the girl a folded paper and having a hushed conversation.

She didn't expect to see JJ tonight, and worst of all, she didn't expect him to show up with a beaten-up face and a busted lip, worry hit her like a punch.

Just as she was about to walk towards them, one of the wealthy families started talking to her about business and school, giving them fake smiles and nervous giggles hoping they would catch the hint that she didn't want to have a conversation.

She kept looking behind for JJ and he was suddenly dragged away by Rafe and his followers. Shit.

"Excuse me." With that, she brushed past them in a hurry not caring about their glances, just as she was about to pull the door open, "Tell Y/N she looks pretty hot for a pogue!" Rafe exclaimed and JJ's voice soon followed close behind.

"You fucking utter her name again, I will strangle you with that fucking tie!" His tone was venomous and he was immediately out with the guard holding him like he was a wild animal.

JJ's booming voice startled everyone and the conversations died down, her wide eyes watched as he chugged down the drink he just stole from the man he was supposed to serve.

"I can walk by myself, bro!"

Kiara was yelling at the guard to let go of him but he didn't listen, grunting in annoyance she walked towards the guard, down the stairs, and stopped in front of JJ who froze.

"Miss, hello."

She smiled but they could see the annoyance in her eyes, "Hi, I noticed that you weren't doing your job very good sir, cause a man just stole one of the most expensive bottles, next time, take care of your surroundings and do your job instead of following a teenager around."

Everyone fell silent at the girl's words and JJ's mouth fell open in pure awe, 'god damn, I'll marry her.' Rafe let out an amazed chuckle, few gasps could be heard but the girl ignored them.

With that she gestured for JJ to move and call out for the rest, Kiara and Pope ran ignoring their parents calls and John B appeared out of nowhere.

"JJ, can we talk?" the shaggy blond-haired boy nodded without a second thought and walked further away to hide from the rich people's glares.

Sarah was the only one smiling.

Once they were away from everyone's eyes, he spoke in a hurry, "look I am sorry, I didn't appear for a week and couldn't teach you surfing-"

"JJ. Stop." She couldn't understand anything at how fast he was speaking and grabbed his chin turning his head to the side.

"What happened to you? Did Rafe do that?" She asked in worry looking into his eyes that were watching her carefully.

He shook his head, "no, it was my dad." Her heart dropped, what kind of father would do that to their own son, "what?" She said in disbelief.

"Yeah..." he replied watching as she swallowed, not knowing what to say she put her hand away hoping the touch didn't hurt him, "I am so sorry, I didn't know that." She apologized avoiding his eyes.

JJ chuckled, "Nah don't worry, thank you for saving my ass from that guard, he was so close to beating the shit outta me." Glancing back at the guard who was trying to keep eye on them.

"It was very badass." That made her chuckle and the wave of worry slowly started to ease down as she glanced back at him, blue eyes sparkling as they stared back at hers.

Heat rushed through her veins as she reached over to fix his tie before patting his chest with a smile, "can I at least have your phone number, just in case?" She asked handing him her phone.

He immediately started typing down his number before handing it to her with a smirk, she rolled her eyes playfully before turning off her phone, "right, so uhm... I'll text you later?"

JJ nodded in response with the corner of his lips twitching, "Yes ma'am, anytime you want." He gave her a salute and with that, she waved starting to make her way back to the party.

JJ was grinning like an idiot as he soon followed after John B who was smirking wickedly at his best friend.

"You mackin' Y/N L/N?" Elbowing him teasingly he watched as the boy rolled his eyes, "No, we are just.. friends?" He didn't know if it was a question or the answer.

But as far as he knows is that they are friends, for now.

Walking up the stairs she was greeted by Rafe leaning against the wall with a smirk for the second time tonight, "well well, is he your boyfriend?" He asked and she grabbed her purse.

"None of your damn business." With that she walked away and started making her way down the streets, Rafe followed behind her sneaking a hand on her waist and she froze.

Goosebumps all over her body as she grabbed his hand pushing it away from her waist, "you boys are disgusting, can't you understand that I want you to leave me the fuck alone?!" She exclaimed in fury.

Rafe watched as she walked away in hurry, she didn't trust boys anymore, all that for being a virgin, a girl that didn't want to sleep around except live her teenage life.

Have fun before it's too late.

Drink, laugh, and have so many memories with her friends, not sleeping around, money, drugs, and toxic boys that would call you all names because you don't like them back.

Once reaching her room, she walked in, ignoring everyone's calls and instead getting rid of the dress, especially Rafe's hand and Kelce's on her skin, sighing she stared at the reflection.

Throwing herself on the bed she grabbed her phone staring at the wallpaper boringly before staring at the ceiling.

Grabbing the money she won from work the past month she sat on her bed counting, "100..300...700.." she muttered under her breath, grabbing her phone she clicked on Sarah's name.

"Hey boo, I'm in front of your house!" Frowning she got up seeing Sarah still in her midsummer dress, "what the fuck- hold on, let me change!" The girl immediately started running around and changing into some white shorts and putting on JJ's shirt she still had neatly folded she grabbed the money hiding it and then her phone.

Opening the window to her room she sneakily slid down the wall with a thud, walking towards the Cameron girl who pulled her into a small hug.

"What is happening? Why are you still in your midsummer dress? Why are you smiling like an idiot?" The girl asked staring at her best friend weirdly walking down the streets.

"I am going to see John B, at Kildare Hawk's nest." Y/N cocked an eyebrow teasingly at her friend who reddened, "damn, you go girl."

Y/N stayed silent for the rest of the trip, thunder boomed as the girls walked and Sarah of course noticed the uncomfortable silence.

"Hey, I gotta talk to you about something." The girl suddenly said as they got closer to the Hawk's Nest, "sure, of course, about what?" Replied Sarah with the softest voice.

Y/N gulped and the next thing that left her lips made the Cameron girl's heart drop, "I am leaving OBX, for good." Sarah froze and she could feel her throat close at the thought of losing her only friend.

"W-what-"

The girl stuttered in worry and Y/N immediately regretted her words and grabbed Sarah's hand, "hey, I know, It's really fucked up, and trust me I really don't want to but I just- I can't take it anymore."

Sarah could feel tears blur her vision, "what- what will I do when you leave? I can't stay alone, you are my sister and I need you!"

"Sarah, honey, you will have John B, your father, Wheezie, you have someone that loves you but I... my parents want to send me to a boarding school." Y/N sighed heavily not knowing what to say.

"Well, you have me! And that's all that matters. Please Y/N, I can't lose you too." Sarah has told her about the Kiara and her situation and not once did she bother asking them if they ever missed one another.

The H/C-haired girl closed her eyes before letting out a sigh, "I'll think about it." With that, they continued their way in silence.

Y/N kept an eye on Sarah the entire time, it was night and anyone could attack but once she saw John B she looked around, her eyes catching light flickering from behind a tree.

Making her way towards the tree she could hear the sound of JJ's voice getting closer and clearer, a smile grew on her lips as she tiptoed closer to the van, "boo!" She exclaimed and the whole van moved at the sudden force.

The group stood with eyes wide in terror, Kiara gasped for air, Pope grabbed a can of beer and JJ had his two fingers out like snake's fangs.

She laughed at their reaction and wiped the fake tears dramatically, "you should have seen y'all faces!" She said between laughter and JJ sighed in relief, "I was about to stab your eyes out." She chuckled leaning against the van with crossed arms.

JJ on the other hand couldn't stop thinking about the heat of her hand over his cheek, the soft caress of her thumb over the wound to ease the pain down.

And he can still remember the way he leaned against her touch slightly.

She looked absolutely gorgeous in that dress and he will admit, he did stare at her from afar watching as she walked around stealing champagne, smiling brightly at Kiara's parents.

And right now under the moonlight wearing simple clothes and staring at the sky thinking about god knows what, he could feel himself melting and cocking his head to the side to look over at her.

Her skin was so soft, her eyes sparkling as she tried counting the stars, he moved and leaned against the van in silence.

"What is going on in that pretty head of yours?" He asked cutting off the silence and glancing over at her taking a drag from the weed.

She chuckled fighting the reddening of her cheeks, "nothing really, just...life." JJ handed her the herb and watched as she took a long drag like a professional.

She had placed her lips perfectly where his were, "gotta be more specific, cupcake." The girl's smile widened as she handed him the weed back.

"Well, cupcake, I don't know- just how lucky you guys are." She teased back turning her full attention to him, JJ frowned waiting for her to continue, "us? Lucky? Y/N you have a whole ass fucking mansion, money, and is a kook, how bad could it be?"

He asked in disbelief, "you really think being a kook is amazing?" She scoffed at the boy who nodded as if it was right, "yeah, then tell me why I wanna just leave this town forever and just like that, fake my death for example."

JJ froze, damn, he never thought she was planning to run away nor ever thought that she was going through shit.

He stayed silent and his heart dropped at the thought of her leaving OBX for good and never seeing her again. And the next words left his lips just like that.

"Stay." He surprised himself, and Y/N turned towards him, eyes slightly wide and sparkling beautifully as she studied him, the bruise fading, blue ocean eyes that made her blood run hot.

Blonde hair she wanted to run her hands through, what the fuck are you thinking about Y/N? With rosy cheeks, she looked up at the sky, "I mean.. you gotta stay..for Sarah. Besides wouldn't want to leave your new surfing teacher." He nudged her with a smile.

She looked at him melting at the sight of his dimple, tilting her head to the side to get a better look she admired him, his hair under the moonlight and pretty blue eyes that made her feel safe.

The smoke left her lips in a ring shape and she handed it back to JJ, "Surfing teacher, that's a shit title." she said shooting her prettiest grin, the blond boy mirrored her grin, "I mean, got a better one?"

Y/N thought for a while, "I mean, Pretty boy, sunshine, angel, prince, handsome." she listed with her fingers out while counting, "woah there, Angel is my nickname to you."

She laughed and punched his shoulder watching as he dramatically fell, his back on the van, "it looks good on you, angel" he teased fixing his cap and staring down at her wearing his shirt.

"Oh shit, I forgot, do you need it back?" just as she was about to take it off, JJ hand's landed on her hand, ears red as he tried to keep his eyes on her face instead of her exposed skin.

"No, it's okay, keep it." it was his favorite and it looked good on her as it did on him, he stood dangerously close and towered over her figure, his hand leaving hers as he put the shirt down so she doesn't take it off.

Y/N watched him, every moment stuck in her mind immediately as it happened, her breath hitched at the sudden feeling of his ring pressing on her warm skin, cold.

"Thank you." she finally managed to speak in a whisper to ease her trembling heart and shaky breath, JJ whispered back, "as I said, it looks good on you, gorgeous."

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