#these posts but like.....i mostly just wanna get my thoughts out and into the void and just. Vent. granted that's kinda what my therapist is

[lixxen]

I wanna talk about this scene and one of my favorite theories and details in fics

Warning for talks of depression, suicide, and homophobia

(also like. I'm just talking about stuff I've seen other people talk about and like the idea of/agree with because it's interesting. Doesn't mean you have to agree. I'm talking to the void and I guess if you don't agree just like... Don't argue please lol)

One of my favorite head canons/theories for Conrad that I've seen people talk about some when it first came out is that he was depressed and his death wasn't an accident, but him committing suicide

This is what I remember people talking about and will see if I can find the posts about it later:

Being gay during this time was dangerous and society was very homophobic. Keeping that a secret would slowly wear down on your mental health and also could cause internalized homophobia

People found it ironic that Jones was playing a man who was grieving his dead wife when he himself was grieving his lover dying (which is why he pressed his hand into the griddle) and thought that it was Conrad talking to Jones later on down the road because Augie is literally Jones and Jones is Augie. Idk how it works but it just does in my brain so I get them

The talking about can't wake up if you don't go to sleep and Conrad having two hands on his shoulder as he stares forward could allude to him having thoughts of suicide, and this happens after he is announced to die (I forgot exactly how people explained it but it made sense when I read it. Makes the alien being there make sense)

The others didn't understand the play because it was Conrad's internal thoughts for parts and the characters wrote themself. Which. Is what happens. Idk. People said he was the wife.

(mostly joking) a cis man who isn't mentally ill or wasn't feeling that way couldn't write that play. That man had to be fucked up in some way

People write into fics that he'd drown himself in his work when he didn't need to. A lot of the nights he spent up and lone drowning himself in drinks and writing? Him trying to escape. Jones having to drag him away from the typewriter to come to bed? Wonderful. I will take 20 more

Idk. You don't have to agree, but that's what I remember people talking about and watching the movie I just agreed. Even before I read the suicide/depression ones and saw the movie my brain went "oh... What if... What if he... No. They wouldn't do that." Because the context is there. The themes are there. It's literally all there but never said if it was an accident or not. So seeing people talk about it and it being a reoccurring theme in the first fics for Conrad (especially in the Conrad/Jones tag) was reassuring that other people could see it

Idk. As someone who has depression and has had thoughts of suicide; writing my life away and throwing my grief and troubles into my personal writing or fanfic, it genuinely struck something close to my heart.

Especially seeing Jones then ask if he's doing right even though he was told he's perfect and probably was told he's perfect many times after. I could genuinely see Conrad change parts of the play to reflect his relationship and his mental health as he kept writing it. We know the play wasn't done when he met Jones; but just enough to know Augie would become Jones

Lawl. Anyways. Idk. This isn't canon but just a collective bunch of thoughts and head canons and theories I've seen so far

#asteroid city #jones hall #conrad earp #edward norton #jason schwartzman

[malcolm-reeds-pineapple]

Blorbo From My Shows Wrapped 2023

And rating them on a scale from 1 to 10

Nathan MacKinnon: listen okay he comes around every year around hockey season. This year I’ve gone especially deranged for him and made a fucking top loader for one of my hockey cards of him. He mostly gets points for being Nova Scotian and also looking like he has sustained multiple blows to the head. He is also incredibly fucking shaped. Anyway solid 7/10 - loses points because he’s been stripped of all personality by the NHL in order to be more advertiser-friendly

Vinsmoke Sanji: alright okay I’m a fake fan because I’ve only seen the live action but sweet Christ I want this white man. From the moment this absolute womanizing jackass graced my screen I have been in love with him. He makes me giggle and kick my feet like a middle schooler at a sleepover. He truly is Blorbo From My Shows in the best possible way. 10/10 I think this man is so hot.

John Sheppard: I started watching Atlantis recently and I kind of thought I was gonna hate it because no Daniel and Daniel had been my primary brain rot since I was 9 but John won me over. I love his sense of humour and his relationship with McKay (aaaaaaa Canada Mentioned!!!!) but I also find his insubordination extremely hot like yes babe!!! Disregard your orders to commit intergalactic war crimes!!!! Also I love that we get Sheppard Scruff a lot because believe me that instantly casts a hex on me to lose all thoughts!!!! Foaming at the mouth for him!!! Anyway 8/10 - loses points for being a pilot bc my dad was on the ground crew and my genetic memory is telling me that all pilots are bastards

Tony Markovich (that fucking cop from shameless): listen okay hear me out hear me out……………….. alright I got nothing, I can’t even defend this one. First of all, I’ve only seen the show through tiktok highlights. Second bbg this man is a cop what’s wrong with you??? He mostly gets points for looking like a handsome young man who my mom would love if I brought him home. Like Tony just looks sooooo boyfriend shaped to me?? Like if I brought him home and he told my mom that he volunteers coaching basketball and that he likes to spend his off time cooking with his mom, my mom would literally bawl her eyes out because I’ve brought home the man she’s always envisioned for me. 6/10 - loses points for being a cop and also being too fucking vanilla to even think that his handcuffs could possibly be used for sex.

Ray Stantz: alright so he’s also the type that I would 100% bring home to my mom but unlike Tony, I respect his career. This guy is soooooooooooo husband shaped like he looks like the kind of guy who mows his lawn on a Sunday before the kids wake up so he can teach them how to ride a bike as soon as they finish breakfast. He’s also just so sweet and cuddly in canon and I want him to infodump about all his interests at me. I also like that his so squishy and I just wanna be the one who helps him get the ectoplasm out of his hair while he tells me about poltergeists and stuff. 10/10 - he’s so husband shaped he loses points for NOTHING because he’s EXACTLY the kind of man I want

Daniel Jackson: listen okay we all knew this was coming I don’t even need to say anything. I know this man has not only been living in my head rent free but he also lives in yours because you follow me and you have 0 choice in the matter. I’m not elaborating just go thru #yeet me into the void on my blog and you’ll get it. 15/10 he’s the fucking blueprint.

Jack Ransom: i apparently cannot exist without a white man from Star Trek bouncing around my skull so Ransom makes this list. I love blonde himbos and like the thing is that I know he’d call me a fucking slur but like his superiority complex does something to me idfk I should send this post to my therapist because evidently I need fucking help. 8/10 - loses points for being a cartoon, gains points for his obvious brat taming kink.

Anyway thanks for coming to the annual Blorbo From My Shows Wrapped: a post that if it got forwarded to anyone in my family I’d simply fake my death and disappear. However, my tumblr followers are my priest and this blog is my confessional.

#blorbo from my shows wrapped #do not ask me about word counts I’ll kill you #nathan mackinnon #vinsmoke sanji #tony markovich #john sheppard #Ray Stantz #daniel Jackson #jack ransom

[elvenbeard]

Self-promotion fic-update-tag-post for "Love is Stored in the Olive Jar (working title)"

Okay, so, I am currently writing this post-Sun-ending fic that I think some of you started reading (currently the first 5 chapters are published, 6th is being edited as we speak).

I got a lot of very positive feedback on chapters 1-3, but not much/ nothing anymore on 4 and 5, and my perpetual self-doubt has been creeping in about my ideas and writing actually really sucking and people losing interest because I'm too long-winded, something about the content was extremely off-putting (or just downright boring), or I'm mischaracterizing Kerry, along with many other potential reasons and doubts.

But of course there's a million other possible reasons, like, people just not seeing it because text (especially long text) tends to get buried, they're too busy to keep up, or they're waiting til it's finished before reading. But yeah I'm in this thought-spiral now where I'm like "do I even wanna continue posting it, do people even care?" and I've come to the conclusion... there's a solution to my concerns the writeblr community taught me (that you should def also adapt for your fics!!)

REPLY to this post here (with anything, an emoji, a short "hi" or "here!" ) if you want to be tagged by me whenever I post a new chapter so you don't miss out (if you want to be tagged with a specific url that's different from the one you reply with, maybe put it there, too).

I have been kinda consistently posting a chapter each week now, usually Tuesdays, and I might not be able to keep that up forever, but would like to stay on my roll. And, knowing that there's maybe at least one person here who is actively reading this and wants to be notified, will maybe help me not lose steam like I did on so many other projects in the past that just got lost in the void somewhere along the way.

First chapter of the fic in question if you'd like a reminder - following chapters, if they exist already, are always linked at the end of the chapter. It is a rather angsty fic, given that it mostly follows CP2077 canon events, but I can promise that there will be a happy ending.

Feel free to like this post if you wanna, but I will only tag people in future fic updates that leave a reply. Reblogging is also appreciated, obviously, to help spread the word xD

#cyberpunk 2077 #cyberpunk 2077 fanfic #kerry eurodyne x v #*fingers crossed this shuts up my inner critic* #and there's at least one person still reading this XD #cause I love writing it a lot at the moment and know where I need to go with it #and i hope I can finish writing it for myself even if it's not as interesting for most otheres #*others #even though I'd love love love to discuss the stuff I'm writing about #especially my theories concerning Mr. B and ways to save V's life etc etc that we'll likely never see in canon but which are hinted at #my writing #love is stored in the olive jar

[stardusthuntress]

It will all be tagged "zenith writes" to make it easier to find.

NEW! taglist poll!

I write for the Clones of Star Wars x reader. You may request a GN!reader version of anything, OR if you spot something offensive or problematic and would like to (politely) let me know that there's a nicer way to phrase it, my inbox is open! Or if you want to pop in and say hi, dm me!

I just write when the inspiration hits. Mostly using this as my emotional processing system - just gonna write it all out. Shouting my nerdiness and pain into the void, maybe one day it will shout back (in a good way, hopefully). Thought others might relate and or have similar comfort mechanisms, so here's my work if ya wanna bother to read any of it!

Key: (consider ALL below to be NSFW, 18+)

* = smutty, even if mildly so, expect mentions of arousal and the like at a minimum

NEW FOLLOWER CELEBRATION!!! There's 111 of you now!!! (STARS that's a LOT!) And you guys decided you want more of my 'Right Attire' set! So that's what's in the works! That being said, FYI the title might change...

...and back to your regular programming!!!

The Bad Boys of Clone Force 99

Sergeant Hunter

* What Does Beauty Look Like? (female!reader) one-shot, implied smut!

* the Right Attire (AFAB!reader) one-shot, smut

ARC Corporal Echo

* a Gala-ctic Evening (female!reader) one-shot, but featuring a smutty *Part 2!

* Hot... in So Many Ways! (femaleMandalorian!reader) one-shot, but will eventually have a smutty part 2!

Crosshair

To Speak Without Words (female!reader) mini-series, WIP (NEW!)

Tech

What Does Real Love Look Like? (female!reader) one-shot, but I couldn’t resist making a *Part 2! With a happier ending that’s starting to get a little smutty!

* Turn Ons (gn!reader) drabble/imagine

EnigmaTech (female!reader) mini-series, WIP (Ch. 2, Ch. 3, Ch. 4, ...) my Tech lives AU! (he lives, but they still gotta go get him, and Cross, and Omega, with reader's help!)

All

* Strong Women (female!reader) drabble/imagine - individually, but in one post

Triggered (female!reader) one-shot - deals with body dysmorphia, angsty comfort fic, all the boys being sweet towards reader

The Boys in Blue - the 501st

Captain Rex

Angel Eyes (female!reader) one-shot, Rex is flirty because it felt like it fit him in this scenario! Reader is Chiss (look up Thrawn if this is new to you!)

Additional characters coming soon!

Credit Where It's Due:

Bad Batch boys dividers by @/djarrex

(hyperspace headers/footers are my own)

Other

Lore rants: look for the tags “stardust rants” “zenith rants”, “infodump”, and “sw lore”

Science: I'm a space scientist by trade, so I have moments when I need to let my science out a bit. Those moments will be tagged as "secret scientist" and "Stardust rants" because my username is in fact, a pun. I could tell you more, but then it wouldn't be a secret, would it? ;P

#masterlist #zenith writes #the bad batch #tbb #tbb tech #stardust rants #secret scientist #Captain Rex #oh captain my captain #sergeant hunter x reader #tbb tech x reader #arc echo x reader #tbb arc echo x reader #TBB x reader #EnigmaTech #a gala-ctic evening #crosshair x reader

[licantropa]

So I've been thinking about your post about Capsize's death and how it didn't really have a narrative point. As well as Kiwi's tags about it seeming to mostly be to motivate Jordan. And I just have been mulling it over in my head a bit to keep as much of the story the same without killing Capsize, and I think the narrative works betters if Furia made Capsize sick?

So like, if we wanna be as in keeping with canon as possible, Furia strikes her once, but then rather than continuing to attack, he just laughs when Capsize (and any of the others) attack him back. Then have a little announcement like "Capsize feels weakened" for them to actually realise he's done something. And you can still have Furia do his whole "I'm stronger and better than Dianite" bit.

They then travel to Ianerea where Ianite would reveal that the sickness Capsize received will kill her, and at her current level of strength the only way she has to "cure" it, is to pass it to someone else, which Capsize would wholeheartedly refuse to do. Like it invites other people to try and "save" her, but puts Capsize more squarely in control and gives her a voice in the situation.

In my head, this lets Tom have a motivation to help Capsize, lets there be a time crunch on saving Ianite, and still has Capsize present in her own narrative (meaning she can call bullshit on Jordan if he tries any "I must save my girl" stuff).

You can also probably still develop Redbeard, since Capsize is weaking and could die, so he needs to pick up some slack or keep having Capsize pick up his when she's not in a condition for that to be reasonable.

Then in the finale, to have reasonable explanations for the pirates not joining in the void jump, Ianite reveals that she can cure Capsize, but it'll take quite a while so Capsize will have to remain at the temple in the end (... and then they kiss). Redbeard can either stay with Capsize or, if you want an independence arc or to just still have him need to say goodbye to his sister, ask to be returned to Ianerea to help rebuild his home. Bing bang boom, the characters are all tied up, they just need to be mentioned in Ianite Dreams in Season 2.

And this is kinda all like thoughts I've just been milling about, trying to stick vaguely with the same narrative progression as canon while not killing off a character.

I have the idea that this could also have the addition of Dianite trying to get Tom to go off the rescue Ianite plan by saying he'll cure Capsize if he gets her to forsake Ianite to add just some more conflict.

(Apologises for the ramble, you just like caused thoughts).

Helloooo!

I really like this! Specifically because it gives Capsize agency in what happens to her, even if what happens (death) is something everyone wants to avoid. And it gives both siblings an opportunity to be in the narrative.

That last bit is crazy, I’ve always imagined that if Capsize had lived, Dianite would tell Tom to kill her, but trying to gain her as a follower to save her is a fucking cool concept. If he can’t have one captain, suppose he’ll settle for the other.

I can definitely see how this would all play out and I really enjoy it!!!!

Although, when I read your addition to the post and Monty’s tags, my brain went in the opposite direction. In his tags, he says that killing her off was to make Furia seem like an actual threat and I agree with that. But they could have done that with Capsize all the way back near the beginning. If the writers had wanted to kill both pirates, they could’ve done that while also not sacrificing Capsize’s character.

When she killed Redbeard, it stays permanent. This cementing Capsize as a violent character, and getting worse when she finds out Red had been lying and her attitude towards Jordan (the real reason her ship sunk and not telling her the truth about that) gets significantly more and more aggressive.

She dies at the finale in the final fight with Dianite (because dying to Furia is stupid sorry), not being able to see her journey to its end. Her death should be something of her own doing, even if it’s being done by another character (idk if that makes sense). It’s a tragedy through n through. Redbeard does end up as cannon fodder for Capsizes development but to be fair he hadn’t even been a character until after her death.

#coolcattime #asks #mianite

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #112

Yesterday's letter was flagged as spam on Facebook, and taken down.

Facebook is a place on the internet where people post up their various thoughts, writings, images, and whatnot so that others can see it. It's another means of screaming into the void and hoping that kindness will return to you. I generally write my letters on a place called Tumblr, and then scooch a slightly modified version of it over to Facebook, since the formatting for these places is slightly different. The goal is to make it so that my words are more likely to reach you and more likely to reach others who need them.

…I'm not really sure how it happened. Supposedly the box of maple-flavored tea that I showed you yesterday was offensive, though I'm not sure how. What's worse is that I'm not sure if it was the algorithm or what. It's complicated to explain. I'm not going to bother you with the details.

Either way, suppose I'll be posting only in this place until that gets all figured out. Suppose what I'll do on Facebook is post up that my next letter is out and give anyone the link who asks me for it.

I did some more work today, listing and describing items. I also did some dishes. I also finally got around to putting the third layer of epoxy on the amethyst tree sphere. Hopefully by the time it's cured, the inconsistencies in its shape will be mostly gone and it'll be ready to be sanded. The set of extremely fine-grit sandpaper arrived today, and I'm eager to put it to good use. I hope it turns out well. Suppose we'll see what happens.

Today it's warm enough outside to leave all the windows of the house open, so we opened all the windows. The breeze flowing in smells like grass and fresh soil; it's a good smell. I wish you were here to enjoy it.

At some point, I took a walk. Some of the plants around where I live are starting to sprout leaves again. I know that you like pictures of nature, so I took a few pictures for you; maybe you'll like them:

I also found a feather on the ground later in the day:

...Maybe I'll imagine that it means you'll be safe somehow.

…I feel kind of lost and empty today for reasons I don't fully understand. I think maybe I just need more water and food. I haven't been eating or hydrating well for the last several days. I drank a rehydration solution today (Pedialyte), but I've only eaten minimally; not much of an appetite. I haven't been sleeping well, either, for various reasons. Suppose if I wanna feel better, I'm gonna hafta do a better job of the whole self-care thing for at least the next week or so. Bleh.

Are you taking care of yourself? Are you safe and warm? Do you have plenty of food to eat and things to drink? Soft plushies to hug? I know you can't answer me, but I'll ask anyway. I'll ask because you deserve to have people check in on you. I'll ask because I wish you could answer. Nobody here knows, of course. And I suppose the uncertainty of it all is very difficult to deal with. But I'll keep doing my best. I'll keep my eyes and ears open for any news.

Br is visiting, and that feels good. Upon realizing that I've not eaten much today, she cut some fruit for us to share. I have a bowl of Asian pear slices and chunks of dragonfruit. I wonder if you've ever had these. I wonder if you'd like them:

We were going to watch Junk Man, but folks were hungry, and so we went to the grocery store to get a pizza. Br can't have gluten, so we got this pizza that was made with tapioca flour. And we also got toppings to add to it, since it was just a cheese pizza. We put on roasted garlic, portobello mushrooms, and pepperoni (we checked the ingredients to make sure there was no gluten, don't worry)! I was delighted to find out that the crust tastes and feels like Brazilian cheese bread! And if you don't know what that is, it's basically this bread thing that is wonderfully chewy and cheesy and amazing. The pizza was absolutely delectable!!

…It probably doesn't surprise you to know that I feel a lot better since eating. Bodies and minds get weird when the blood sugar gets low. I'll have to try to be more mindful of making sure I eat even when I don't have much of an appetite, I guess.

Br had to leave by 9 though, so there wasn't enough time for a movie. But we watched Steven Universe instead! J and I have already seen it through several times, but Br still hasn't seen most of it. Today we got to the part where we meet Lapis Lazuli.

…I think maybe you might relate to her, at least a little. She was enslaved in a mirror and used as a tool for years before Steven set her free. She was understandably very angry at the other gems for knowingly keeping her trapped in the mirror. She responded by attacking them, and then stealing the ocean, but then Steven talked to her and fixed it. It's a long and complicated story, but it's wholesome.

…I wish you could come here and watch Steven Universe with us, because actually, I think there's a lot in it that you would be able to relate to. I wish you could watch it with us and eat the yummy pizza with us. I wish you could see the whole thing. And I wish I could give you all kinds of tasty snacks to enjoy while we watch it. Alas… alas…

Well. I'm maybe rambling a little. So I suppose I'll end today's letter here. Don't forget that there are people out here wishing well on you, okay?

I love you. I'll write again in a little while. Please stay safe.

Your friend, Lumine

#sephiroth #ThankYouFFVIIDevs #ThankYouFF7Devs #ThankYouSephiroth #final fantasy vii #final fantasy 7 #ff7 #ffvii #final fantasy vii crisis core #final fantasy 7 crisis core #final fantasy crisis core #ffvii crisis core #ff7 crisis core #crisis core #ff7r #final fantasy vii remake #final fantasy 7 remake #ffvii remake #ff7 remake #final fantasy vii rebirth #final fantasy 7 rebirth #ffvii rebirth #ff7 rebirth #final fantasy 7 ever crisis #ffvii ever crisis #ff7 ever crisis #ffvii first soldier #facebook algorithm woes #bad brain days #wholesome

[sofiadragon]

for Va'pak; Uzhau,

how did you get the idea for it? like it's so well thought out, in the writing style, and it feels so intelligently written, and you come out with an update pretty quick, for a fic like this. i just wanna know, like, what do you think when you're writing? oh yeah and it's a bloody fantastic fic btw

Two ideas started this fanfic:

Vulcans require mental bonds. Being without them is like sensory deprivation. Any surviving orphans would be at massively high risk for self harm or other mental health issues.

Spock and Jim in Iowa. (All elaboration redacted for spoilers.)

I wrote chapter 5 first. It built from there. My fix-it for the odd characterization choices in ST09 with Jim being a felon got added. The Vran from my other story gets a cameo. I like worldbuilding so mostly my stories build up either from "How do I explain [canon thing] and how does that explanation effect other stuff?" Example: Season 1 of TOS says Vulcan has very little free sodium salt, with what a human would consider "freshwater" oceans even if the evaporation rate would make it very mineral rich/hard water. The fannon about Vulcan food being bland to humans would therefore be because there is no salt in the seasoning, meanwhile Vulcans think human food is way too salty! Both species agree on sweets, with strawberries and cream on toast with nuts being a canon Vulcan breakfast served family style!

The other way I worldbuild is more "out of whole cloth, but color-matched to canon." My Jotenheim story is mostly this. I look at the overall framing and details and extrapolate, then build on that extrapolation until I have a complete living culture. Spock has a statue of a death god in a little meditation area of his room. Even as XO, the cabin space on a ship is at a premium. He loses almost all his storage space in the living area to have this instead. It is no great leap to say it is wildly important to him that he have this connection to his culture and religion. That alter means that much to him. Oh, he's wild, out of pocket, sassy, and indulgent at times, but he says his prayers and observes the holy days like a good boy when he's done. At least for his family, we can be sure this is a huge part of their lives... but what is that religion like? What does it say? What can I reverse engineer from canon and what can I make up to fill the voids? Then: how does that impact the story.

As for update speed and quality? Behold:

Never post the last thing you have written unless it is the end. Always have at least one more drafted and some kind of outline or plan before publishing fanfic. I use Scrivener so I have a place for a synopsis for each of these "pages" and you know what? Some of them move. I've taken 5k words and shuffled them like a deck of cards in some of my drafts because after writing it all I realized the story would work better otherwise than how it was.

My first drafts are quite rough, messy grammar and dialog that perfectly fits the "he wouldn't say that" meme.

I just keep on working it until it works out. I've been writing fanfiction since the late 1990's, and I do my best not to rush it.

#storycraft #my writing #star trek #Va'Pak; Uzhau #aos spirk #answers

[shock-micro]

weird brain thoughts, the void, and "me"

i think it's honestly quite incredible how brains can function in such different ways

i'll put a cut so you don't have to see my intensely long ramble unless you really wanna~

i'd describe my "headspace" as the following: it's mostly void, pierced by my strong inner voice, and occasionally a background of various music (i call that the radio)

i can visualize things i've seen before fairly well, but it's harder to "synthesize" entirely new things in my mind's eye

talking with different people, i love hearing about all the different experiences people have with their own headspaces

like one of my friends is currently so fixated on ultrakill they're actually just like playing it in their mind

n like i have a lot of plural friends who experience it in different ways and it's very interesting hearing those perspectives when i can

as for me? well, i don't quite think i'm alone... i wouldn't quite say it's another person, but like, the background music in my head is distinctly not me a lot of the time, and there's a bit of a distinction between Raw Thought ("brain") and Me

like, occasionally the topic of "what's goin' on in your head" comes up, and i often got a bit confused? brain gets caught up on a few concepts and is like, how do those apply to me? do they?

and i've noticed during a few of those bouts, the "void" i described in my headspace is... a lot more tangible? like it's its own entity in there, just lurking with no thoughts

and sometimes it just, like... took over.

quite literally pushing my thoughts to the back, and bringing void to the front, which meant... not much. it looked around a bit, but it mostly elected to do nothing.

the reason i talk about this now, is because there was another conversation on the topic, and brain got caught up in it again, and the void came out to do nothing again.

but later, the convo had moved on, and i was getting stressed about something relating to my sona, and it got me stressed about my whole sense of self...

and i felt the void creeping up again, pushing my thoughts to the back, as my eyes closed, and it just. dampened the whole thought process.

i was a bit stressed then bc like y'know, what happens if it just smothers my thoughts as a whole, but it just kinda... released its hold after i pushed back a bit

and looking back on it, i kinda regret it? it was almost nice, in a way, like a weighted blanket for the soul

and ever since, it's been a lot more easy to feel that presence. and it's nice, knowing that even though my inner voice is shouting into the void... the void is listening, and it cares.

i've decided to call it "void", no 'the'. i think it enveloped me again as i was writing this post, and i just kinda fell over. it felt quite nice. though, i did assume control a bit faster than i would've liked, bc i did wanna get this post off my mind.

to sum up my feelings at the moment, i've felt a lot more... whole, understanding this presence, understanding void. and i certainly feel more secure in my own mind, thanks to it.

there might very well be another explanation for what's gone on here, but this is the one that makes me feel the best. so unless it can somehow be proven that void is not its own presence within my mind, i'm not really gonna question it.

#i stare into the void #and the void stares back #and sometimes #it envelops me like a warm dark blanket #when i need it most #random mira thoughts

[dyouevendraw]

About me

So, I thought I’d probably be best to just make a pinned post with some info so I’m not just a void who throws art a a wall. (I’m probably gonna edit as things change) But here we go:

My tiktok is dyoueven

My instagram is dyouevendraw

My name is D, sometimes people still call me Fay, I don’t mind that either

I’m 22 years old

I use they/them pronouns, I’m fine with he/him too. I’d call myself nonbinary or even agender, leaning towards the masc side. It’s a struggle

Additionally to that, I am ace and my romantic attraction is 🤷🏼. I like androgyny and femininity if that says anything lmao

I have a hypermobilty condition, thus, my physical health is very inconsistent. Sometimes I feel fine for weeks, sometimes I can barely move my arms. Luckily, I don’t dislocate easily, I mostly get joint pain, pinched nerves, random bruises and badly healing wounds. Additionally, I seem to have a mild variant of long covid, which is making my lungs weak, so sometimes physical activities winds me badly even though it’s not hard work.

I am autistic and only found out around 2 years ago, thus, school burned me out! I was bullied by my teachers and they ignored all the signs of a struggling student, so I developed bad social anxiety (added by other events with former friends and general genetics probably). I took a year off of art to focus on getting a better mindset, and I guess I’ve been back since this year.

I am a clumsy and unlucky person, that’s why I say I am like Xie Lian a lot (send me a Hua Cheng)

I like k-pop. Currently, I like BTS, TXT, SKZ, LE SSERAFIM, New Jeans, Red Velvet and SHINee.

Other artists I like are: Tatsuya Kitani, Eve, The Oral Cigarettes, Vaundy, King Gnu, Queen Bee and MCR (what a mix)

Fandoms I’m in include(I’m sure I’ll add more danmei when I’m done reading them):

TGCF (I have beef with it but I’m deeply in love)

MDZS

SVSSS (still reading, on volume 2)

JJK

AOT

Sometimes I like Marvel. I only care about Spider-Man and Loki

TLOZ

Pokémon

(Always open to suggestions for more things, especially when they’re queer🤠👍🏻)

I write my own stories and am working on an AU that includes many fantastical being, though I am not entirely sure if that’s ever gonna see the light of day bc I don’t see anyone caring about my writing lol (it already has 137.000 words I’m not even joking it’s not funny, why am I writing this)

I’m sure I’ll post more of my OC’s when I find the time. My favorite is Harumi, he’s the main character in the fantastic beings AU, as a werewolf

I am so sorry my humor is super trauma based, bare with me it’s okay to laugh at my pain, it’s how I process, I swear

My favorite food is anything indian (especially aloo mutter, I bathe in that), pizza (only the one I make), and (red) thai curry.

That’s the only thing that sets me apart from Xie Lian, I eventually did learn how to cook and apparently people like my food!! (I add cinnamon and chili to everything, maybe that’s the key?)

I love building lego and organizing things by category (why I didn’t get diagnosed with asd is beyond me, I’ve always been like that)

I mostly draw on an Ipad with procreate, but I wanna get into watercolor and copics too, I just feel like I’m wasting the suff when things don’t turn out how I wanted them to be

I am horrible at texting and get anxious over it

I had another account here I was running for years, but I was in a pretty icky fandom and didn’t want to associate with the reputation that came with it, thus, I left. I am not the stupid, hurt and depressed teenager I was anymore, and that’s great!

I am german, though, I speak English so much I might as well be a native speaker

That’s it for now, you can always feel free to ask my questions, my (anonymous) asks, submissions and reblogs are always open, I just won’t answer if you’re rude🤠✌🏻

#artists on tumblr #about me #about myself #about the blogger #about the artist #art #random #text post #pinned post #danmei #tgcf #anime

[ninjagirlstar5]

Protag Teruya AU - Prologue Part 1 - The Beach Episode

Wrapping up part 1 of the Prologue, wooo.

No TWs apply to this current post.

The Beach (The Beginning) | The Mart (Part 2) | The Park (Part 3) | The Tower (Part 4) | The Cottage (Part 5) | The Boardwalk (Part 6)

Prologue Part 2 Beginning

Disclaimer: While Sannotori is problematic, it’s a thing in this AU/fic and the dynamic is not the same as it is in canon.

The Protag Teruya AU was inspired by @/anotherprofessional’s post! Beware of Void spoilers though!

It didn’t take long for them to reach their destination, his shoes hitting the warm sands of a beach. He was shaking badly from the impromptu flight but he managed to hold his ground.

“Hmm…it seems we explored everywhere we could.” Mikado then huffed, crossing his arms. “Augh, to think the Kagarin heir would be so slimy. If punching him didn’t result in being blacklisted in future companies, I’d have done it in a heartbeat.”

“K-Kagarin heir…?” He asked, trying to catch his breath. Mikado looked at him.

“The Kagarins are a conglomerate that specializes in technological advancements, specifically for astronomy. I did some freelance work for them in the past before coming here. I didn’t think the heir would be here though…” The mask frowns. “But that’s besides the point. Why don’t we go over everything we know to organize our thoughts?”

“Yeah, sure…Just, haaa…let me calm down.” He said, taking deep breaths to calm his racing heart. The moment he calmed down, he stood up straighter and spoke. “There are…a lot of different people around. And there’s at least fifteen of us, right?”

“Right. But unfortunately, we couldn’t find any clues that could narrow down our hypotheses. All we have are guesses to what’s going on…” Mikado said, lifting his hand up to his mouth in thought.

“Yeah…and almost everyone is calm about this…” He hesitates before turning to his friend. “Do you…Do you think we’re taking this too seriously?”

“A decent dose of skepticism has kept me safe for years, my dear. There’s nothing wrong with being too serious.” Mikado crosses his arms with a sigh. “And if I’m wrong, I’m wrong and we can simply move on.” He remains quiet for a while before slowly nodding his head.

He still had a bad feeling nagging at his gut, but he tried to push it down as he checked his watch.

“…Wow, it’s been two hours already. Maybe now is the time to gather everyone?” Mikado tilts his head before nodding his head.

“Yes, I believe so. It’ll be good to discuss everything as a group.” Mikado said as he started to float away. “I’ll go east, you go west. We’ll be able to cover more ground that way.” He gave the wizard a thumbs up before turning on his heel and jogging onto the pathway. He barely heard Mikado fly off, the flap of his cape disappearing in the blink of an eye.

It didn’t take long to gather everyone. While some of them needed convincing (mostly Yuri and the guy that refused to give them his name, if the displeased look on Mikado’s face was any indication), they were all there. Not a single person is missing from the group.

It was somehow relieving to know that.

“So, we’re all here now…” Yuki was the first to speak up. He looks around the group of teenagers, all very different in personality and talents. Except for the one amnesiac that didn’t have any memory of who he is, let alone his own talent and name.

He can’t help but feel like he stands out in the group. It makes him feel a little anxious...

“Hey, hey, why’d we all have to gather? I wanna explore the island some moooore….” Hibiki complained barely a second later. He tried to ignore her.

“Well, there are a couple of reasons why we called you all here.” Mikado starts, raising his hand. He can already see one of the students, the unnamed guy, dozing off underneath a palm tree. The wizard starts counting on his fingers. “The first is so we could all gather together and get to know each other better. And the second reason is-”

“Regarding our current situation, I presume.” Kokoro interrupted. Mikado’s mask flattens its expression.

“Yes, that.” Mikado huffs as he scratches the back of his head. “We need to discuss the possibilities of what’s going on and how that could affect us as a group.”

“Yeah, we need to talk about that.” Yoruko spoke up with a smile, playing with her scarf. “Glad to see we have at least some regular people here.”

“Wait, so you’re telling me the fucking wizard is one of the normal ones?” Nikei said with a hand on his hips. He seems to have taken some mild offense to that.

“What situation? What are you guys talking about?” Shinji sweats as his eyebrows rise. He put a hand on his hip as he raised his other. “Isn’t this just the entrance ceremony?”

“I, uh, wouldn’t call waking up on an island with no memory of where we are or how we got here an entrance ceremony…” He said, if only because he really didn’t think now was the time to be all relaxed about this. For all they knew, they were kidnapped and brought to this island for nefarious reasons.

“Thank you.” Yoruko waves her hand, closing her eyes in annoyance. “At least someone is proving my point here.”

“After speaking with all of you…” Mikado quickly moves the topic back on course. “…it feels like there’s something suspicious about this.”

“I agree.” He chimes in, pressing his hand against his chest. “I’ve been getting a really bad feeling since I woke up on this island, and I’m just…waiting for the other shoe to drop.” No one responded to his words, almost as if half of them were finally realizing how wrong this all feels.

“…I’m honestly more amazed that there are people like you who are perfectly calm about waking up on a random island.” Yoruko turns her attention to Setsuka, who immediately raises her hands with a shrug.

“Now, now…No need to be so serious, Pinkie Pie.” The billiards player said with a tease. Yoruko sighs as she looks away.

“It’s Yoruko Kabuya. Please get it right, Setsuka.”

“Okie dokie, I guess you didn’t like that one, Yuko.” Setsuka puts her hand on her hip and points upwards while Yoruko gaps at the sudden change in nickname. “But what’s the point in getting all worked up? It’s probably just a school event.”

“Uh…maybe?” It was Hajime this time, having his own hand on his hip. “I have heard that Hope’s Peak has done some crazy shit from time to time, since it’s so huge.” Somehow, he found himself agreeing. It did feel like a famous place like Hope’s Peak would pull off a crazy stunt just for their Ultimate students.

It still didn’t make it right. They should’ve at least told them about this island field trip in advance before whisking them away without warning.

“Well, they do say that this school randomly has stuff like puppies growing ten stories tall, or buildings suddenly exploding…” Iroha said with an awkward laugh. He blinked at her with wide eyes, not really expecting that kind of response.

“What is the deal with this school…?” Shinji asked, dropping his arms while sweating. Honestly, he took the words right out of his mouth.

“But if those stories are true, then it’s possible that this is also some kind of event.” Emma chimed in, before closing her eyes and basking in the breeze with open arms. “A beautiful, tropical island…a once-in-a-lifetime opening ceremony caressed by a warm breeze…An image forever engraved in your memories!” He presses his lips together into a tight line, hesitating.

The more they talked about it, the more this situation started to feel less abnormal and more…typical? As if his gut was telling him that what they’re saying wasn’t wrong and that the school was probably just as eccentric as they think it is.

Maybe his suspicion is wrong then…?

“Let’s not be too relaxed.” Mikado cuts in, almost as if he was on edge. “Even if that’s true, that still leaves the issue that there isn’t anyone else but us on the island. And the school has yet to contact us in any way.”

“Honestly, I’m like eighty percent sure that this is a kidnapping.” Yuri said, subtly agreeing even if he wouldn’t say it out loud with Mikado being a guy.

“Ehhh?! A kidnapping?!” Iroha yelled out, immediately becoming scared at the thought of the situation being a lot more serious than she thought. She wasn’t full blown panicking just yet but it looked like she was on the edge of it.

“My kidnapping sense is tingling.” Yuri raises his hands with a big smile, talking like this was a normal thing. He was probably happier to turn his attention to a girl, being the misandrist he is. “As a veteran of being kidnapped, I’ve got a feeling that this must be a kidnapping on a grand scale!”

“The hell do you mean, ‘kidnapping sense?!’” Shinji put his hands on his hips. It looks like he’s also growing nervous as well. Emma crosses her arms and looks to the side, still relatively calm but considering now.

“Hmmm…If this is a kidnapping, the culprit must be quite daring if they chose to target all of Hope’s Peak’s freshmen.”

“Wait a sec!” Hibiki cuts in with a point of her finger. “If we have been kidnapped, shouldn’t we be tied up or have somebody guarding us or something? I’ve never heard of a kidnapping where the kidnapper just let their victims run around an island willy-nilly!”

“I…don’t know about that. Just because we aren’t locked up doesn’t mean that the situation is any better.” He speaks up, trying to calm himself down as he recalled Mikado’s words from before. “If our kidnappers are allowing us to roam freely, they might be confident enough to think we won’t be able to escape that easily.”

“Except there’s a boat sitting on the shore.” Setsuka steps in with a raise of her hand. He opens his mouth to retort but the billiards player stops him. “Sure, the door is locked, but it does mean we have a way to leave.”

“Well, I guess that is very different from your average kidnapping.” Yuri said, almost stepping down from his idea instantly.

“I don’t think it’s that serious.” Hajime said, who is a lot more composed than everyone else in the group. He almost felt a little jealous for his calmness. “The world ain’t all that bad, and it’s not easy kidnapping all of the new students of a government-run high school.”

“Oooh, this is gold. ‘Nefarious Crime or Scholastic Event?’ Yeah, that would definitely be today’s headline.” He can hear Nikei from here and turns to see him writing something down in his notepad. He licks his lips, feeling as though everyone was starting to lose the seriousness of the situation.

“But, um, even if this was just a school event, it’s not…There’s a lot of issues with it. They never told us about this field trip and none of us remember how we got here. It’s just…so suspicious!” He felt his voice raise a little bit, nearly cracking at his own tone. Everyone turns to stare at him, which only makes him feel even more tense. “It’s been several hours since I’ve woken up on this island. Shouldn’t something have happened by now?!”

“...It is a bit disorganized, I admit.” Setsuka rubs the back of her head awkwardly. “Like they have no idea what they’re doing…”

“But, like, what should we be doing…? It’s not like we can stay on the boat right now…” Hibiki said, looking a bit more worried now. Mikado’s mask slowly blinks before rubbing his chin.

“We don’t know enough about what’s going on right now, so why don’t we stick together instead of splitting up?” Mikado suggested and everyone started to nod in agreement.

“I think that’s a good idea. We’ll be able to look out for each other if we stay close!” Yuki said. Shinji smiles as well with his hand on his hip.

“Yeah, I agree. Sitting around bickering isn’t going to solve anything.” He chimes in.

“Roger. So we stay here until something else happens.” Nikei raises his hand with a grin. Iroha holds her sketchbook against her chest, seemingly cheering up now that the situation is starting to lighten up.

“Oooh, how about we talk to each other some more! I’d love to get to know you all.” Iroha happily walked up to the nearest person, who happened to be Setsuka. Before anyone could say anything else, though, the unnamed man seemed to have woken up at some point and started chuckling. Even from here, he can see the arrogant smirk on his face.

“Huh? What’s up with that look?” Shinji asked, narrowing his eyebrows but still having a genial smile.

“So you dragged me here just to talk about this shit. Ugh. Precious seconds of my life, down the drain.” The guy said, cleaning out his ear with his finger. He felt himself become defensive but Hajime was the first to reply.

“Hey, no need to be a jerk. It’s true that we haven’t solved anything yet, but we’re at least trying to figure out the situation.” The boxer said with a raised eyebrow. The messy guy only shrugged his shoulders, uncaring but still having that smarmy grin.

“Whatever. Only reason I showed up is ‘cause I was morbidly curious about you brats.” He then drops his smile and puts his hands in his pockets, turning away. “Can’t see what I’d gain out of getting chummy with you people, so I’m just gonna pass.” He feels his heart sink a little at the casual admittance.

“Wh-What?! Hold it! You can’t just talk trash out of the blue and leave!” Yoruko yells out as she clenches her fists. Her voice falls on deaf ears, though, as the guy walks away without another word.

“....Aaaand he’s gone. That guy has some kinda grudge against the world or something?” Nikei asked, although he suspects it was more a rhetorical question than anything else.

“When I tried to introduce myself to him, he’s the only one who didn’t tell me anything…” Iroha said. It barely made him feel better, knowing that he and Mikado weren’t the only ones that got rudely dismissed.

“Ewww, I have to go to school with a guy like that?! No way! He looks like an old fart!” Despite Hibiki’s loud complaints, he couldn’t help but snort at the way she worded herself.

“Well, like Iroha said, it can’t hurt to get to know each other, at least.” Emma said, calm and maybe a bit hopeful.

“Ooh, since we’re all sticking together, I have a great idea.” Setsuka speaks up with a smile, pointing as she puts her hand on her hip. “We’ve got sun, sand, and surf. Why not go for a swim?”

“What?” He said without a second thought. Setsuka just gives him a nonchalant grin as she shrugs.

“That store over there has some swimsuits. I didn’t see anyone working there, so I’m sure they wouldn’t mind if we borrowed a few for a bit.” Setsuka said, looking like she wanted to go and do it, regardless of what anyone said. Yuki, however, seemed to be against the idea.

“But that’s not what we’re here for!!! We’re supposed to be figuring things out, not messing around!” Yuki raises his hands, curling his eyebrows as he gapes at Setsuka.

“I agree. Even if this is a school event, what are we gonna do if the teachers show up?!” Yoruko said, once again being the voice of reason amongst the group. However, the moment Setsuka dropped the idea into everyone’s heads, it seemed like most of them had taken to it like a fish to water.

“Let’s hurry up and swim!” Yuri said, jumping onto the bandwagon with a huge grin on his face.

“Wooooo! Swimming is awesome! Can’t remember the last time I had a beach day!” Shinji yelled out, his energy suddenly skyrocketing once again as he raises his fists. Mikado cringed at the yelling, nearly taking a step closer to him again.

“Wait-” Yuki was still resisting the idea but Iroha steamrolls him with her words without a thought.

“Oooh! That’s totally what they’d do at a school event!” Her eyes shined like gemstones, excitement radiating off of her. “Come on, let’s all go pick out swimsuits!”

“No way I’m gonna miss out on swimming! Let’s go, Kanade!” Hibiki cheerily joined in, but her sister seemed to be a bit more apprehensive.

“U-Uh…?! S-Sis, I don’t really want to swim…” Kanade tries to resist but her sister is already dragging her by the hand.

“Oh, whatever. What’s the worst that could happen? Count me in.” Hajime chimed in with a shrug and a hand behind his head.

“Let’s go!” Nikei said, almost taking the lead as the group leaves. Only Emma, Kokoro, Yoruko, Yuki, Mikado and himself were left in the dust. They all just stand there, either accepting the outcome or simply being dumbfounded.

“They all just…left.” He said, unsure of what else he could say. Mikado merely nodded. Yuki just stood there for one more second before finally snapping.

“Ugh, I give up! These Ultimates are used to doing things their own way!” Yuki tosses his hands up in the air before lowering himself close to the ground. He wasn’t sitting down, exactly, but he might as well be hugging his legs. Emma simply laughs but makes no move to join the others. It seems Kokoro was too busy with her tablet to care at all. Yoruko just sighs, also giving up. On the other hand, he…was a bit more hesitant. Should they really move on from their discussion of the situation? The lack of information was really driving him up the wall.

But when he glances at Mikado, he seems to have caught his eye and shook his head.

“There’s not much else we can do, my dear.” Mikado said, seemingly calmer than he was before. He wavers before finally caving in and nodding. He couldn’t think of any better ideas and it’s not like they can break into the ship anyway.

“I’m…I’m gonna go join them!” He exclaimed, deciding to commit to this decision. He didn’t want to keep worrying about the situation. If he can have fun and make new friends, then why not? It’s not like they had any other information to work with and it’ll help pass some time before they have to seek shelter for the night. The pier with the lodge houses would take care of that easily if the cruise ship doesn’t open up by the time they're done. But that does leave the question of food…No, no, he didn’t want to worry about it so he shouldn’t!

“What?!” Yuki shot to his feet with his jaw nearly dropping. “Not you too! We could be in a dangerous situation!”

“A-And you’re right! We could be!” He raises his hands, trying to placate his fellow student. “But maybe we are worrying over nothing. Maybe the staff and teachers are just…hiding out on the ship, which is why it’s locked. Maybe they’re just letting us…do our own thing, to see if we can develop our talents…?” He was just spitballing random ideas to wave away the suspicion. But it was clear that everyone nearby wasn’t buying it, not even Emma who was the most easy-going out of their current group. He slumps over. “...I know that’s just an excuse. But I just…don’t want to be anxious about this whole thing. Especially if it turns out to be nothing after all.”

“...Well, constantly worrying isn’t good for your health.” Emma said with her arms crossed. Her tone was amicable and she was giving him a gentle smile. “If you think joining everyone with swimming will help calm yourself down, I say go for it!”

“I still think everyone is too relaxed about this whole situation.” Yoruko closed her eyes in exasperation, but she had dropped her arms like she didn’t want to try and stop him.

“...Go on ahead. It’ll help you alleviate some stress.” Was Kokoro’s response, tapping away on her tablet. Yuki pouted at him, seemingly pleading with him through his eyes. When he glances at Mikado though, his mask has gone back to its big normal smile.

“I’m afraid our only option right now is to wait and see. If you wish to have some fun in the meantime, I will not stop you.” Mikado said, almost shrugging his shoulders. Yuki stared at him as if he’d been betrayed but his words were enough to give him a boost of confidence in his choice.

“Yeah, okay…I’ll be right back with the others!” He said, and before anyone could convince him otherwise, he ran off towards the store.

It didn’t take long for him to enter the store and just in time, too. It looked like everyone was finished picking out their swimsuits. They all turned to look at him, and it was Hajime who had spoken up first.

“Hey, joining us at the last minute?” Hajime called out. He takes a few breaths to regain his stamina before straightening himself out.

“Y-Yeah…Where are the swimsuits?” He asked. Setsuka immediately waves him over.

“Over here! There should be one in your size, big guy!” She said, lowering her voice in a sort of playful way. He just rolled his eyes before walking over to the shelf where almost everyone was at. It seems like some of them were starting to leave, though. Probably to find a place to change in private. There were a few rows of some decent swimsuits for both guys and girls. Bikinis, one-piece suits, tankinis to name some for the women but he brings his gaze over to the men’s wear. Swim trunks, board shorts, leggings…none of these caught his eye until his eyes landed on one that was hidden away between two other pieces of swimwear. The only reason he managed to notice it was thanks to the bright colors it had and he pulled it out to see it.

It was a rainbow speedo and he couldn't help but immediately gravitate towards it.

“Whoa, looks like someone is confident in his body.” Hajime said, raising an eyebrow at the choice of swimwear. He sputters a little, feeling his face blush.

“I-I mean…I really like the rainbow…and I don’t mind showing a lot of skin.” He said, holding the piece close to himself.

“Hoho, I look forward to seeing you in that piece.” Setsuka freely admits, which only made him even more embarrassed.

Which was exactly the moment Iroha noticed the swimsuit in his hand and decided to make her thoughts known.

“Wh-Why did you choose a speedo!? Are you a pervert??” Iroha said, her face turning red as she gapes at him. If his face wasn’t red before, it certainly was now. Hajime cringed at the painter’s words while Setsuka laughed, albeit slightly awkwardly.

“I-I am not!” At least, he hopes he wasn’t before coming here. “I just…thought it looked nice!”

“Yeah, come on, Iroha. Just because he’d be wearing a speedo doesn’t mean he’s a pervert or anything.” Hajime said, dropping his arms with a small frown. “...although I didn’t expect you to choose a speedo. I was thinking you’d choose swim trunks or something…”

“Er…sorry.” Iroha pulls her sketchbook up to her mouth, clearly embarrassed now. “I just…I’m having a hard time imagining you wearing that, is all…!”

“...Are you?” Hajime raised an eyebrow. Setsuka whistled, her smile growing a bit wider as if she put together something a lot more interesting. Iroha sputters, looking like she was going to try and defend herself when-

“H-Hey, there’s nothing wrong with a speedo! He probably just…liked the design.” It was Shinji, who looked a bit embarrassed but was approaching them cautiously. Huh, it’s weird that he seems to be getting all shy now. He looked at his arms…

…and realized he also had a speedo.

“Same swimwear?” He said without thinking. Shinji gave him a bigger grin.

“Same swimwear.” The firefighter showed off the black and yellow speedo in his hand. Which only made Iroha’s face turn a brighter shade of red. Even with his sunglasses on, he could tell that Hajime was giving her a stern stare with the way he crossed his arms while looking at her. The painter just turned her back on them.

“...I’m going to die.” He barely caught her mutter before she ran out of the store with the rest of the group. He watched her go with wide eyes.

“Don’t worry about her. She’s being dramatic.” Hajime said, rubbing his head.

“Oooh, I feel bad for her. It seems Ro-Ro can’t handle herself around some hot guys and girls.” The billiards player giggles and it was only then that Iroha’s reaction started to make sense. And it seemed like Shinji also connected the dots as his face immediately turned as red as his hair again.

“S-Stop…Can we focus on getting r-ready for our beach trip?” Shinji grips his shoulder and waist, embarrassment flooding his face. “Th-There’s changing rooms behind the store. We can use those.”

“O-Oh, great! Let’s go, then!” He immediately backs up Shinji, wanting to move on from the idea of Iroha’s indecent thoughts.

“Fine by me! I should check on how the girls are doing anyway.” Setsuka said, taking her own black bikini with her as she left. That left the only three guys left in the store, and none of them had anything else to say on the matter of their choice of swimwear.

“...Well, let’s not stay here any longer. We got what we need, right?” Hajime asked, pulling up a red pair of board shorts with a white star on it. He gave a thumbs up while Shinji immediately led the way to the changing rooms, which were split between the women’s and the men’s. It wasn’t very hard to find as it was right around the back of the building. Which made sense since the pathway to the beach wasn’t very far either. Surprisingly, Yuri was already finished changing and was sitting on a bench outside. He was wearing a space pattern button up with short sleeves and a few buttons undone to his sternum and camo board shorts. He was wearing teal sandals and had a bag on his lap, crossing his arms as if he was waiting for something. Hajime let out a sigh before leaning over to whisper to him. “Oh boy, do you think we can walk on by without him noticing?”

“I heard that.” Yuri snapped with a pout, his gray eyes locking onto them like a sniper’s lens. He can’t help but flinch at the stare. “The ladies sure are taking their time. You best not have any vulgar ideas, as detestable males.”

“We were not-!” Hajime started defensively, only for another voice to call out from the women’s side of the changing rooms.

“Yeah, right! Like you weren’t thinking of it by standing right outside!” It was Hibiki who spoke, which immediately made Yuri flustered.

“I was not! I was just asking if you ladies need anything.” Yuri protested, which only made him suspicious in his eyes. Even Shinji was raising an eyebrow at him.

“Y-Yeah…no thanks.” It was Kanade this time around, and her words alone were enough to make the astronaut slump over. He decided it was time to move on from this slightly flustering conversation.

“We’re just going to get changed now.” He said, walking past Yuri. He didn’t even bother to respond to him, probably because he decided to give him the cold shoulder. Which was fine by the rest of them, as he, Shinji, and Hajime enter the changing room. Just in time to meet face to face with Nikei, who was carrying his own bag filled with clothes.

“Oh, hey! You three definitely took your time getting here.” Nikei grinned at them, wearing a blue and black swim jammer with, somehow, a pencil logo on it. “I’m gonna go on ahead. I’ll meet you there?”

“Yeah, sure. Oh, and try to take Yuri with you? Before he earns the ire of the girls…” Hajime asked with a cross of his arms. Nikei just gave him a flat stare but Yuri spoke before he could give his own opinion.

“No way. Like I’d let a man move me from my spot!” Yuri snapped, clinging to his bag. Nikei twitched at the comment.

“...I’ll try my best but I make no promises.” He grunts before stepping out of the changing room.

“...Let’s hope they don’t try to kill each other while we’re changing.” Shinji said it as if it was a joke but he couldn’t help but feel a little bit uncomfortable at the thought of murder.

It was probably just his paranoia.

“Then maybe we should be quick?” He offered and the two of them agreed without another word. They all took changing rooms for themselves and locked the doors.

“Hey, is Mikado not joining us?” Hajime called out to him. He sets his backpack down, slipping off his flats as he puts down his swimsuit.

“Apparently not. I don’t think he was interested in swimming.” Mikado didn’t give him a reason, but perhaps he was simply content to stand on the sidelines and watch. Or maybe he was still worrying over the situation but choosing not to burden him with his thoughts. Either way, the wizard didn’t have to give him a reason if he didn’t want to say.

“That’s a shame! Everyone should have a good swim every now and then.” Shinji said, the sounds of clothes hitting the floor reaching his ears. He snorts before taking off his accessories and putting them into his backpack. He might as well use it to store the clothes he has.

“I’ll say. You can’t always have a nice swim like this unless there’s a pool around.” Hajime replied, the sound of a door unlocking nearby. It seems the boxer had already finished, which made sense since he was wearing the least amount of clothes in comparison to himself and Shinji. “You guys ready?”

“Hold on, I’m still changing!” He called out, folding his jacket into the backpack. He pulled off the rest of his clothing (which included rainbow briefs apparently) and folded them up, that way there was still plenty of room in the backpack. Once he was done with that, he took his speedo and put it on, just in time to hear another door unlock to signal that Shinji was already done. There wasn’t a mirror in the changing room, so he couldn’t check to see if it looked good or not. He’ll have to ask Shinji and Hajime their own opinions.

Still…Shinji had complimented him on his athletic skills earlier that day, but he didn’t realize how toned he really was. Despite how thin he was, he had pretty large muscles and even a six pack to go long with it. He must’ve been one hell of an athlete if his body was any indication. However…

What’s with this strange star-shaped scar on his side? It was just above the pelvis, almost looking like it was somewhere around his kidney but with no signs of a surgery. At least, not one that was very deep anyway. He almost didn’t notice it if it weren’t for the fact that he was changing into a swimsuit.

And now that he was examining his body a bit closely…it looked like he had other scars too. Most of them were thin and hard to notice but they were definitely there if you knew where to look. Most of them seem to be cuts, a few on his side and stomach but otherwise old and faded. Others might be from surgery as well with how thick some of them were. There was even one on his leg too.

…Just what kind of situations did he land himself in?

“Hey, are you coming or what?” He jolts upon hearing Hajime’s voice.

“Uh, yeah, I am!” He took off his goggles and tossed them into the backpack, closing it up. He can worry about what kind of past he had later. Right now, he was here to relax and have some fun. Carrying the backpack by the handle, he unlocked the door to the changing room and stepped out. Both Hajime and Shinji were wearing their swimsuits, with the former having put away his coat and bandages but still wearing his sunglasses. Their swimsuits definitely suit the both of them and he can’t help but blush a little at the amount of skin they were showing, especially Shinji. “Um, how’d I look…?”

“Pretty great, not gonna lie.” Hajime said with a whistle. He gave him a grin. “You definitely look like you’ve been in some scuffles. Did you get into trouble a lot?”

“Who knows? Certainly not me, haha…” He laughs a little as he rubs the back of his neck. At this point, he might as well joke about his amnesia. It’s not like he can do much about it anyways. All he can do is wait until his memories come back to him or he gets back to the mainland to investigate where he came from. He starts to turn towards the exit. “Let’s catch up with the others-”

“Whoa!! What happened to your back!?”

“Huh??” He tries to turn his head at the sound of Hajime’s voice. But it was near impossible to see what he was talking about. “What’s wrong with my back??”

“There’s…There’s a really big scar on your back. It…It looks bad.” Hajime explained, gripping the side of his head as he pointed at him. He gulps, feeling his anxiety spike up a little as he silently turns his back towards Shinji to get his opinion on it. His eyes immediately go wide at the sight.

“Oh…that’s…Yeah, that looks pretty nasty.” Shinji lifts up his hand to touch him but he steps away. He didn’t feel comfortable with touch at the moment. Thankfully, he gets the message and drops his hand. “Looks pretty fresh, too.”

“Really…?” He tries to crane his neck behind him one more time but to no avail. “I can’t really see it for myself.”

“Hold on. There’s phones in the store. Let me go grab one so I can take a picture to show you.” Hajime then left the changing room before either of them could say anything. It was awkwardly quiet between the both of them, Shinji seemingly at a loss of words while he…didn’t know what to do. Nor did he know why he had so many scars.

“...Fuck. I guess I really was in some kind of accident.” He said, if only to say something to break the silence. Shinji stared at him before glancing down at the floor. He laughed, empty and distraught as he rubbed his head. “I mean…of course I was. You don’t…you don’t just wake up with amnesia for no reason, right? But I…I can’t remember anything before coming here. Not a hospital or…or anything. Just nothing, you know? What am I…what am I supposed to do?”

“...I don’t know.” Shinji replied, a lot quieter than he usually was for the short amount of time he knew him. But then he put his hands on his hips with a smile. “But what I can tell you is this: keep moving forward. Your memories may be gone now, but you’re not alone. Your Big Bro won’t allow it!” The firefighter’s voice rose but it wasn’t distressing. If anything, it only made him snort.

“Thanks, Shinji. I…I guess I’m more worried about what I’ve been up to before losing my memories.” He rubs the back of his neck, averting his gaze. “I don’t even know where I got these scars. Let alone the one on my back. It makes me a little worried.”

“...If it makes you feel any better, you’re not alone in having scars.” Shinji said, and before he could respond, he suddenly turned around. His eyes go wide upon seeing Shinji’s own scar on his back. It was clearly an old scar, but it was chaotic and red, stretching over his back and shoulder blades and stopping right above his tailbone. He can’t help but hiss upon thinking of how painful it must’ve been to get a scar like that. “Remember when I mentioned an injury?”

“Y-Yeah, I remember. Does it still bother you?” He couldn’t help but ask. Shinji turns around, his grin only growing wider.

“Not anymore. I mean, I still have to be careful with it in case it gets worse from overworking. But I went back to work no problem.” Shinji said, crossing his arms. “Being a firefighter is one of the most dangerous jobs out there. Sometimes you get injured for trying to save as many people as possible. But I love this job! I’m proud to work as a firefighter, and I will do everything in my power to save people!!” He takes a moment to pause in his yelling before leaning over. “And maybe, the scars you have aren't as bad as you think it is. It’s possible you just had a job that put you in a lot of danger in exchange for protecting the innocent. And if that’s true, I’d say that’s something to be proud of.”

“...Wow, um…” He gulps, moved by his classmate’s words. He can’t help but smile. “Thanks, Shinji. You’re right, maybe I was doing something good before getting injured. I mean, I still lost my memories…but I’m here now, right?” Shinji’s smile becomes smaller but he can tell that he was still happy. His energy just lessened a bit. A thought suddenly hits him and he hesitates. His smile falters as he decides to take a plunge anyway. “If…you don’t mind me asking…What happened to get you that scar, Shinji? Obviously a fire, but…”

“Oh, uh…” Shinji sweats, the bravado he had mere seconds ago suddenly disappearing. He looks down at the floor. He suddenly feels bad for asking. “Well-”

“I’m back!” It was Hajime, who thankfully had the perfect timing to interrupt the depressing topic before it could get started. They both sigh in relief as the boxer enters the changing rooms. He waved the phone in his hand. “I found one that is working. I mean, considering Kokoro got herself a tablet from here, it really shouldn’t be a surprise.”

“That’s great! Uh, I guess. Take a picture and show me.” He immediately turns around to show his back, glad to drop the subject of Shinji’s scar. Shinji took a step back to let Hajime get a clear view before the three of them heard the snap of the camera going off. “How does it look?”

“I don’t usually take pictures but I’d say this is probably one of the better ones I’ve taken.” Hajime said, and the amnesiac turned back around. “Take a look for yourself.” He inhales before setting his backpack down and taking the phone from him.

Like the two of them said, the scar looked bad. It was clearly fresh as Shinji said, with how bright in color it was. It was also just as chaotic in shape as Shinji’s scar, but this one stretched as far as to his neck, down below his tailbone and almost reaching his shoulders, with thick lines of surgery keeping the skin together. When he reached behind himself to feel it out, it felt a little flat but still hard to the touch and he shivered at how sensitive it was. It wasn’t too painful, thankfully, which explains why he never noticed something was wrong despite wearing clothes. If Hajime hadn’t pointed it out, he likely wouldn’t have noticed he had such a scar.

“Holy shit…” Was all he could say upon staring at the photo.

“Yeah.” Hajime rubs the side of his head, unsure of what to say. “Like I said, it’s bad.”

“Does it still hurt? It looks like it hasn’t ‘matured’ yet.” Shinji asked, which he shakes his head on. It felt like his nerves were tickling but it wasn’t that bad. He can pretty much ignore it. “Well, alright. Let me know if it gets worse, though. Actually, I should share some tips on how to manage your scar.”

“Thanks, Shinji.” He turns the phone off. “...What do you guys think happened?”

“Professionally speaking, it was probably a fire. Only burn scars can look as chaotic as that.” The firefighter pauses before raising his hand and putting his hand on his hip. “Although…There seems to be other bits that look a bit too sharp to be from a fire. Maybe from shrapnel? There’s even lines of surgery so there must have been some broken bones…”

“Hard to say. I’ve never heard of anyone getting amnesia from a fire but I’m just a boxer. I wouldn’t know much about the medical stuff.” Hajime said, grimacing. “But enough talk about all of this. Why don’t we head down to the beach? Everyone already went on ahead.”

“Y-Yeah, sure…” He hesitates before opening his bag and putting the phone inside. “Before we do, are there any shirts I can use? I don’t think I’m comfortable showing off this scar…”

“If you like Hawaiian shirts, they’re right around the corner of the swimsuits.” Shinji said, looking like he completely empathized with his feelings. He smiled and thanked him before leaving the changing rooms with his bag in tow. Yuri and Nikei were nowhere to be found, which made sense if they had already left to play at the beach. It didn’t take him long to find where the Hawaiian shirts were and there were even fake flower necklaces next to them, a name that was unfortunately escaping his mind. He didn’t let that bother him though as he took a pale yellow shirt with orange and magenta floral pattern and a pink, red, and yellow flower necklace and tossed both on. Once he was ready, he put his backpack on and left the store to catch up with both Shinji and Hajime.

And so, he joined his classmates at the beach.

Almost everyone was hanging near the sand of the beach, none of them going too deep to swim out just yet. But that didn’t stop them from having fun: they were all splashing each other with water, or chasing each other around the beach. Setsuka was in the middle of splashing Iroha, who laughed as she tried to cover her face. Shinji was chasing Nikei with the plan of tossing him into the deep end, much to the journalist’s fear. But he was laughing with a big smile on his face, so he knew that Nikei was taking this all in jest. Hibiki and Kanade are the only ones who stayed on the edge of the shore, with the older twin looking down on her younger twin as she sat and played with a crab that was scuttling by. Hajime was trying to get Yuri to talk about his workout routine, but it was obviously going nowhere thanks to his misandry and lack of interest in general. Hell, he heard that the astronaut said that he usually uses an escalator as “training,” which clearly disappointed the boxer.

As for him, well…

“GAH?!” Hajime jumped just when the amnesiac poured cold water onto his back. The boxer turns around to try and splash him but he just manages to get out of reach. “Oh, you’re on! Come here, you!” Yuri immediately gets out of the way, seemingly happy to be out of a man’s reach.

“Nope! Can’t catch me, haha!” He runs off, managing to avoid Iroha as she tries to take down Setsuka into the water with her. The billiards player laughs before suddenly pulling the small painter into her arms and starts giving her a noogie.

“Aaaack! Nooo!” Iroha struggles but is unable to get out of the young girl’s reach. She immediately caves in and reaches out for the nearest person, which was… “Hajime!! Hajime, help me!”

“Oh, for the love of - I’m coming, Iroha!” The boxer immediately switches tactics, deciding to help out the painter instead of getting revenge. He stuck his tongue out at him, which only seems to motivate him as he tugs Iroha out of Setsuka’s reach. She raises her hand placatingly before running off to join Hibiki and Kanade. Before Iroha could thank him, Hajime suddenly picks her up and puts her on his shoulders and she squeals. “Come on, Iroha! Help me push this guy into the water.”

“Oh, hehe! Okay!” Iroha agrees without a second thought, raising her hands in what she thought was a threatening gesture. Really, she was just wiggling her fingers around as if she was going to tickle him instead. “Come here, come here!”

“Uhh, nope! Pretty sure two against one isn’t fair.” He said, backing up but the smile didn’t fall off of his face. Before he could try to run off, he accidentally bumps into someone and he yelps. He was about to apologize when two big pairs of hands grab a hold of his sides and suddenly lift him up with ease. “Ahh?! Wha - Shinji?!”

“Don’t worry! Your Big Bro won’t let you get taken down that easily!” Shinji’s yell was practically heard by the entire class and he was lifted onto his shoulders, his long legs dangling over them. When he looks behind him, he sees Nikei floating in the water on his back, resigned and yet content. Looks like Shinji managed to toss him into the water after all. “Come at us, Hajime, I-Iroha!! SHOW US WHAT YOU GOT!”

“Is that a challenge?! Cause you’re definitely getting taken down!” Hajime immediately took the challenge like a fish to water. Iroha, on the other hand, looked a little bit apprehensive.

“O-Oh boy…Uh, I mean, yeah! You can’t take us d-down!!” Iroha said, trying to fire herself up even though the poor girl was sweating bullets. He can feel Shinji falter underneath him, which he quickly gives a pat on his hand. As determined as both of them were to take the other challenger down, they knew they should be careful with Iroha as she was the smallest and probably frailest compared to the rest of them. Let alone the entire class.

“Geez, look at them go.” He can hear Hibiki comment on their two-against-two swim wrestling. Or whatever the heck this is called. “I guess boys will be boys no matter where we go.”

“W-Well, they definitely look like they’re having fun, Sis…” He barely caught Kanade’s words as he tried to push Iroha off Hajime’s back. But his grip was tight and the painter was surprisingly fast with the way she tries to (weakly) jab him.

“Bwahaha! I don’t know about you, but I’m certainly enjoying the view!” Setsuka called out very loudly, which was enough to make Shinji trip over his own two feet and almost make the both of them fall. Thankfully, he manages to right himself before Iroha could try and take advantage of it and push him off of the firefighter’s shoulders.

“Ha…” Yuki’s sigh was carried across the wind and reached his ears. He tries to perk up at the conversation to try and listen in, even as most of his focus was on the game before him.

“There’s no talking to them when they’re like this…How can they be so relaxed?” He glances at Yoruko for a moment, which was enough for Iroha to try and push him hard. It nearly catches him off guard and he was only able to stay on Shinji’s shoulders thanks to his tight grip. It wasn’t enough to pull him out of his eavesdropping and decided to make it known.

“Hey!! Are you sure you guys want to sit out on this?” He calls out to them and waves his hand. Both Yuki and Yoruko pull their gazes over to him. “If you want to swim now, you better grab a swimsuit!” He can see Yuki hesitate before turning to Yoruko. They seemed to lower their voices for the time being before Yoruko replied.

“Nah, I’m fine. I’m not a fan of noisy stuff anyway. Honestly, I’m feeling a bit dizzy, so I’m gonna sit down for a bit.” Yoruko said with a sigh, finding a rock and sitting down on it. That was when Iroha tried to push him one more time. This time, he was prepared and retaliated with a shove of his own. Iroha tips back so far that Hajime had no choice but to drop her lest he falls over as well. The painter sputters and flounders before getting to her feet before Hajime could help her up.

“Augh, bleh!! I think I got salt water in my mouth!!” Iroha spat out, trying to get rid of the taste. Hajime pats her back comfortingly and that was enough of a signal for the rest of them to stop. Shinji sets him down and decides to run off somewhere to do some swimming. His face was red again and he can’t help but raise an eyebrow at how much the firefighter has blushed throughout the day.

“Ah, forget it!” Yuki’s voice calls out among the group. He turns to see his fellow classmate clench his fists as he steps forward. “Guys! Count me in!” He immediately grins while Setsuka turns around with her own smile.

“Great, the more the merrier I say!” She said and he walked over onto the beach. He still felt uncomfortable around Yuki but he was also happy to have him join them. He wanted to get to know him better and this is probably one of the best ways to do it.

“I’ll go with you, Yuki. We can swim some laps together once we get you a swimsuit!” He said, which somehow embarrasses the shorter boy.

“I-I can pick out a swimsuit on my own!” Yuki exclaimed, which only made him laugh.

He can’t remember anything. And yet, there was still a feeling of nostalgia in his chest. Classmates running around on the beach, laughing and playing like the carefree teenagers they were. Spending time together and having fun as they get to know each other. It made a warm fuzzy feeling form in his chest, almost washing away the anxiety he’s been dealing with all day. It almost felt like he had longed for days like these.

For a moment, he felt as though there was nothing to worry about at all.

And in just that moment, the normalcy shattered like glass.

Ding dong bing bong!

They all freeze, the sounds of laughter and casual conversations coming to a grinding halt. The strange bell-like noise made him froze up, the smile falling off his face instantly as alarm bells rang in his head. It felt as though someone had dunked him into cold water and screamed at him, ‘This is wrong, this is wrong, this is wrong.’

“Is…that an announcement?” Nikei was the first to speak as static can be heard throughout the island. He tried to breathe but he felt as though he had choked on air.

“I-I did see a speaker pole, but I couldn’t find where it came from…” Kanade spoke up, her stuttering voice being much too loud in his ears even though she was only a few feet away. He gulps, managing to take in a deep breath this time, and was about to give out his own thoughts. Perhaps it was a teacher from the Monocruise. Perhaps it was a staff member of the island. Perhaps it was just nothing at all.

Except it wasn’t nothing.

It was something far, far worse.

“A body has been discovered!”

#SDRA2 #Super Danganronpa Another 2 #Protag Teruya AU #Teruya Otori #Mikado Sannoji #Emma Magorobi #Hajime Makunouchi #Hibiki Otonokoji #Kanade Otonokoji #Kokoro Mitsume #Iroha Nijiue #Nikei Yomiuri #Setsuka Chiebukuro #Shinji Kasai #Syobai Hashimoto #Shobai Hashimoto #Yoruko Kabuya #Yuki Maeda #Yuri Kagarin #Sannotori but Teruya has yet to reciprocate #Terukado but Teruya has yet to reciprocate #SDRA2 Spoilers

[tarotmantic]

ages ago i remember seeing an orientation prefix that like basically meant ur orientation was influenced by neurodivergency which I definitely feel fits me. I don’t remember the term but yeah, i believe my autism informs my aromanticism (it probably also informs my asexuality and my gender identity but that’s not for this post).

I consider myself on the cusp of loveless, i feel very allied with that community and generally see my experience reflected most there. I’m very solidly on the end of the aro spectrum, I’m not even remotely grey-aro. Never experienced anything I could label as traditionally romantic lol. I often say I love my friends but that’s mostly for ease of communication. I care for them, and I care for many other things- but love? I don’t know. I don’t consider myself aplatonic though.

This is kind of where I see myself in the loveless community because I’ve read people talk about the rejection of the idea of love, and all the baggage attached to it. You can say “oh there’s other kinds of love, love isn’t just romantic” all you want but you can’t deny all the connotations it has within ~society~. Even if I could “love” my friends, because I fundamentally miss out on the experience of romantic love- an experience so entrenched in society and the popular conception of humanity- I feel disconnected from the entire notion. Love doesn’t mean anything to me.

On a minor tangent, this is definitely why I like narratives that twist love, that make love the villain. A lot of the poetry I write takes love and write it like obsession. I like playing with it, because I don’t have any sentimental value on true love, because I don’t know what it’s like to love but I know what it’s like to hurt.

I don’t have any aromantic friends, and I haven’t really talked about it to the friends I do have. I think about discussing is with them but I have no clue how to raise that lol. I kinda wanna know what they think about it, if they have any questions. Especially since they’re starting to get into relationships now.

I am out to my friends, but I’m not out in any capacity to my parents. I don’t think they’d be against it, they’d most likely be supportive but they also definitely wouldn’t get it. I don’t have the energy to explain it to them. I don’t know if they’ll ever ask, especially since I’ve never had a partner. Do they think im just hiding it from them? Who knows.

There’s a lot of things I’ll never experience, like first crushes or break ups or dating apps. Since im also asexual (also no grey, will never ever have sex in any capacity) I won’t ever experience those supposedly universal things like losing my virginity or even just like the feeling of being horny either lol. Whole swathes of the human experience that aren’t for me.

That’s where the grief creeps in, so many things I’ll never have. Ugh, I shouldn’t have to mourn things I never wanted. That’s where voidpunk comes in. I know the creator originally made it for aroallo folks, but also left it open for anyone who felt it fit. The nonhuman thing is very attractive to me with being very queer and very autistic. Especially since my identities are kind of all the absence of something.. void feels very apt.

Anyways.. this was a long post, I enjoyed rambling on though. I don’t put my thoughts about this to metaphorical paper often, but it’s always rattling around my head. If anyone else wants to chime in im all ears! As I said, I don’t really have anyone with similar experiences to talk about this with so im always willing to hear what the community is thinking.

#tarot.txt #aromantic #loveless #actually autistic #queer #voidpunk

[potatobugz]

More Beatstuck things!!! aka just miscellaneous doodles of ideas I have.

The gist of Beatstuck is that it's a jsab/homestuck sorta crossover au where the shapes play a version of Sburb. because . mixing my interests together is really fun. The four player shapes and the jsab bosses are playing separate games, essentially their goal is to merge both of their sessions together so they can finish the game and create a new universe! Shenanigans ensue.

Jsab doesn't really have a ton of like,, concrete lore. so I am using the age old technique of "making shit up" <3 I have a ton of jsab headcanons just lying around & I'm so glad I get to finally use them

anywho, there a few things I've changed since the last posts. Skya is the thief of void since I thought it fit better and Cirk isn't the bard of time anymore (though I haven't figured out what their classpect would be instead yet) I am still. sorta conceptualizing all this so be prepared for certain stuff to change at random </3

because I didn't wanna make this post super duper long, there's a few bonus doodles under the cut (mostly of like character dynamics n things like that I think) :]

dear jsab fans I am so sorry for putting home suck in your tag

#homestuck #hs #jsab #just shapes and beats #beatstuck #homestuck au #SO I STARTED WRITING THIS. IN A GOOGLE DOC #IN THE STYLE OF LIKE A HOMESTUCK FANVENTURE #but you see. am not good at writing #so its taking me . a while. however #this is my first time rambling like this in . the actual post eep #anywho what i wanted to say is that it is *mandatory* that Sad Cube gets a 'close to me' moment in this au #(using sad cube as a placeholder cuz i dont have a name for them yet) #but close to me was like a very important part of sc's character in jsab i think #and also. it would be cool #my idea was that SC dies; gets prototyped into a sprite along with a clock that skya built; then they ascend to god tier theeen #they get corrupted somehow. and just start destroying things #hence the bard of time; #i feel like there is too much & too many ideas for me to be able to properly. summarize in one post #and its already super long already (i apologize for that :[) #so i think ill leave it here.... have a nice day :] #long post #guns #<- tagging just in case #!!?!? i didnt mean to post it just now D: oh well its fine i guess #potatart

[archive2394934]

Recently, I talked a lot about the Leviathan and its strange similarities with the MF and things surrounding the MF. SO yes, this is yet another insane mindflayer theory post (Crowd booing, screaming, hissing, throwing objects at me) But since I write my own insane little stories I like to gather up a lot of different sources of inspo for the characters in them and the Leviathan is only one for the MF. I’m NOT gonna get on my greek god shit with you guys-- I mean maybe I will but I’m going to try not to-- but another source of inspo for me with the MF is Khaeos or Chaos. Going back to how I already mentioned the Leviathan is also considered a god of chaos and how all that applies, this is another SOMETHING I think about in regards to the MF and how it might have a vague relation as well.  So heres some fun stuff I’m copy pasting about this that and the other because I am not about to free write all this I just wanna share some shit. 

Chaos was – most Greek cosmologies tell us – the very first of all, the origin of everything, the empty, unfathomable space at the beginning of time. But, it was more than just a gaping void – as its name is usually translated from Ancient Greek. Personified as a female, Chaos was the primal feature of the universe, a shadowy realm of mass and energy from which much of what is powerful (and mostly negative and dark) in the world would stem forth in later genealogies.

With the advent of philosophy, Chaos became more of a concept than a deity, described as “a shapeless heap” and “a rude and undeveloped mass” by the Roman poet Ovid. It was then that it started being associated with notions such as confusion and disorder, out of which the modern English term “chaos” derives. But, by that time, metaphorical imagery succumbed to more rational worldviews, and mythology gave way to religion and science.

Visual similarities: 

An a quote from Stephen Fry because its hot. 

“Was Chaos a god — a divine being — or simply a state of nothingness? Or was Chaos, just as we would use the word today, a kind of terrible mess, like a teenager’s bedroom only worse? Think of Chaos perhaps as a kind of grand cosmic yawn. As in a yawning chasm or a yawning void. Whether Chaos brought life and substance out of nothing or whether Chaos yawned life up or dreamed it up, or conjured it up in some other way, I don’t know. I wasn’t there. Nor were you. And yet in a way we were, because all the bits that make us were there. It is enough to say that the Greeks thought it was Chaos who, with a massive heave, or a great shrug, or hiccup, vomit, or cough, began the long chain of creation that has ended with pelicans and penicillin and toadstools and toads, sea lions, seals, lions, human beings, and daffodils and murder and art and love and confusion and death and madness and biscuits.

Whatever the truth, science today agrees that everything is destined to return to Chaos. It calls this inevitable fate entropy: part of the great cycle from Chaos to order and back again to Chaos. Your trousers began as chaotic atoms that somehow coalesced into matter that ordered itself over eons into a living substance that slowly evolved into a cotton plant that was woven into the handsome stuff that sheathes your lovely legs. In time you will abandon your trousers — not now, I hope — and they will rot down in a landfill or be burned. In either case their matter will at length be set free to become part of the atmosphere of the planet. And when the sun explodes and takes every particle of this world with it, including the ingredients of your trousers, all the constituent atoms will return to cold Chaos. And what is true for your trousers is of course true for you. So the Chaos that began everything is also the Chaos that will end everything.” 

Another “entity” I’ve mentioned before that I take heavy inspo from that I feel like relates heavily to the MF is Azathoth from H.P Lovecraft’s works, which we know the Duffer brothers took reference from so it could be likely that the MF does take inspo from this same place in canon.  

Azathoth is a powerful “outer god” (meaning it exists between dimensions) said to have created the multiverse, the nameless mist, and darkness. Azathoth is so powerful that the “Great Old Ones” can't destroy him, instead they can only put him in a sleep like state. Also due to  Azathoth’s constant “dream-like” state, Azathoth mostly interacts with things in a semi-subconscious, psychic manner. Because of this, it tends to have a “demon servant/messenger”, its own “son”, a fellow ‘outer-god’ who sometimes ALSO manipulates Azathoth in return: 

“August Derleth portrayed Azathoth as being similar to Lucifer from Christian theology, warring against the Elder Gods and being rendered blind and witless by them before being banished from creation by their magic. At some point in the future after the second coming of Nyarlathotep, Azathoth and his armies will return and all of the entire creation will be destroyed.  Despite being mindless, Azathoth does have a will of his own and commands his messenger and avatar, Nyarlathotep.

PLUS  “Nyarlathotep is an evil Outer God who is seen as a shapeshifting agent of madness, chaos and ruin who serves the other Outer Gods, specifically his father, Azathoth, the Blind Idiot God, to whom he is subservient, fulfilling his wishes without question as his messenger and emissary, though he sometimes enjoys manipulating his master.” 

Some assert that the Daemon Sultan was not always an Idiot Chaos; instead, he lost his intellect and body in a great intercosmic battle, in which he may have been thrust entirely outside this dimension. This interpretation is only found within a few works, though. Lovecraft referred to Azathoth in “The Whisperer in Darkness” (1931), where the narrator relates that he “started with loathing when told of the monstrous nuclear chaos beyond angled space which the Necronomicon had mercifully cloaked under the name of Azathoth”. 

How this relates to Vecna and the MF to me? The MF is suggested to have psychically communed with Henry in his childhood and is suggested to be the source of his power and could have possibly subconsciously coached him given Henry suddenly seemed to know things it feels odd for the little boy in the 50s from a seemingly ‘upstanding’ middle-upper class white Christian house hold to be knowing. And I think there could be a parallel here to when Will is possessed by the mindflayer in season 2 and he talks about how he suddenly knows things, things that he didn't know before but he doesn't know how he knows them. I imagine henry encountered a similar phenomenon when he was linked to the mindflayer entity in his childhood, which may have even came with similar visions of it to what Will had. 

Henry is also shown to “shape” the formless chaos of the MF into a more comprehensible and pleasing form, although whether or not this was Henry’s idea exclusively or possibly more subconscious suggestion from the MF isn’t entirely clear given Henry’s weirdly accurate childhood drawing. None the less, Vecna could certainly be seen as the MF’s ‘avatar,’ its right hand, its will, its messenger, its general, the once human intermediary.

On the flip side, the MF being the source of Henry’s power and the “MEANS” for his transformation from human to lich-demi-god and a vehicle for his revenge against the world that wronged him. So in this way their relationship appears as if it could be very much symbiotic and not one sided at all, nor the behavior of a single intelligent consciousness. 

I also think the descriptions of “nuclear” relate to the MF in the sense that its probably likely we can consider the MF as the “center” of the Upside Down and the “hub” of the hive-mind, the central MOST IMPORTANT part of “the group”, forming the basis for its activity and growth, just like an actual nucleus. And IF Henry is the “brain” then I think it can be inferred that the MF is, in this way, “the heart” and both are playing near ‘equal’ roles in the body of the UD and its invasion into Hawkins.  Though I think its also worth taking note of the canon suggestion found in Will’s drawing that the big bad the party are facing off against is a beast with MORE THAN ONE HEAD. The multiple headed hydra dragon. 

And here are some visual similarities between the MF and depictions of  Azathoth which, IMO, are very striking. 

Ronald Shea enters a temple after visiting the forest near Goatswood and discovers a twenty-foot idol that "represented the god Azathoth--Azathoth as he had been before his exile. Outside, It consisted of a bivalvular shell supported on many pairs of flexible legs. From the half-open shell rose several jointed cylinders, tipped with polypous appendages; and in the darkness inside the shell I thought I saw a horrible bestial, mouthless face, with deep-sunk eyes and covered with glistening black hair."

Later Shae sees "something ooze into the corridor--a pale grey shape, expanding and crinkling, which glistened and shook gelatinously as still-moving particles dropped free; but it was only a glimpse"

Some fun trivia about that I think is interesting is this also: Mythos editor Robert M. Price argues that Lovecraft could have combined the biblical names Anathoth (Jeremiah's home town) and Azazel (a desert demon to which the scapegoat was sacrificed - mentioned by Lovecraft in "The Dunwich Horror"). Price also points to the alchemical term "Azoth", which was used in the title of a book by Arthur Edward Waite, the model for the wizard Ephraim Waite in Lovecraft's "The Thing on the Doorstep". Other possible inspirations include the name Thoth, the ancient Egyptian god of wisdom.

More visual similarities FT the “gates” : 

Finally, cool pic of Azathoth devouring the world: 

#henry creel #vecna #001 #william byers #billy hargrove #the mindflayer #byler #stranger things analysis #stranger things theory

[phussenartzzz]

Excerpt from my Fanfic

THE RESULTS ARE IN AND I'M GONNA POST THE FANFIC EXCERPT!!! (Sorry to the 7.7% who didn't want this but majority rules in my book)

Okay so we all read the title and I just wanna get some things across first and foremost.

I'm posting this for feed-back purposes. I just wanna see if this seems like a good enough story to post because I started thinking about it and realized that reading fan-fics (Saiouma one-shots on Wattpad mostly in this case scenario) have given me ideas for my own one-shots that I wrote down but wasn't confident enough to start typing because I didn't wanna be seen as "cringe" or a "terrible writer". I've seen so many good ideas from people on here like @thelemoncoffee and was like," Imma start publishing my ideas". Please consider commenting feedback or if you think it's worth it; reposting this. And so, with further a-do, my bros, brosephines, and broskis, I present you with an excerpt from:

The Prince and the Amethyst Dragon

"Well, well, well, you really shouldn't be out here roaming these streets alone ya' know~. You could be mugged, kidnapped, or worse, killed." Kokichi's facial expression turned dark and full of all kinds of malice. "And to top it off it could be by anyone, even me." Shuichi felt like his heart was in his stomach, but he had to find a way out of this. "W-well you wouldn't dare lay a-uh, a finger on me. I am Shuichi Saihara; son of the king himself." Shuichi exclaimed, feeling a little bolder now; standing tall above the other male trying to intimidate him. However despite his best efforts, Kokichi wasn't intimidated but his facial expression changed from malice to an almost child-like awe. Saihara gradually yet painfully realized that in revealing who he really was; he'd messed up. "Wow, just, just wow. A real life prince!" Kokichi lowered himself to a bow and reached his hand forward to take Shuichi's and gently kissed it while simultaneously looking up at him and winking."It's an honor to meet you, your highness.~" Shuichi's brain felt scrambled; this guy just threatened his life and now he's "honored to meet me". What was this guy's deal?

"Ohhh come on now, that was an obvious lie. I'm not gonna kill you silly, you gotta read in between the lines Shumai." S-Shumai?! What was this guy on? Whatever it was Shuichi didn't need any more parts of it. He needed to make it back to the castle before he got in trouble for sneaking out; he didn't need any more trouble than he already had. Kokichi trailed alongside him and then said, "So don't you have like- a magic carriage or something waiting for you? All this walking has me bored out of my mind." Shuichi sighed and calmly replied "Well, I do this every Friday night so I'll be fine." Kokichi still followed Shuichi, the sounds of the night filling the void of silence. Then Kokichi had an idea. He walked in front of Shuichi; now walking backwards, and announced his idea. "Hey Shuichi, I've just thought of a waaayyyy better idea that I'm sure you're gonna like." Shuichi doubted he'd like the idea but let the boy go on anyway. "I'll take you home but- in exchange, you gotta give me a kiss~. Nehehehe," he said smugly looking at Shuichi with his finger to his lips. Shuichi was clearly flustered by this and it showed on his face. "What are you trying to say, that you know a short-cut?" Kokichi pondered for a bit then said "Yeah sure, a shortcut or whatever call it what you wanna call it. Just follow my lead and I'll have my beloved prince back home, safe and sound in his castle in no time flat!" He then added, "Also the whole thing about you having to kiss me was a lie" Of course it was a lie Shuichi thought, but then proceeding to lightly blush seeing the child-like grin on the other boy's face. "Umm, so might I ask what's the plan then?" Shuichi asked clearly confused."Follow me."

Kokichi beckoned him towards a dark woodland area. Shuichi really began to question why he was here genuinely following him considering all that happened between them tonight, and yet here they were. Kokichi stopped abruptly and turned around. He looked both ways nervously like he was trying to see if there was a dangerous entity in the dark out to get him. "Okie dokie, Imma need you to wait riiiight here for me please. I'll call out when I'm done." Just as he was about to turn and vanish into the woods he turned around one last time and said, "I need you to not tell a soul what your about to see, I don't normally do this type of stuff for strangers but tonight I'm feeling nice. However, if you do snitch, I'm gonna have to kill you for real, and we both don't want that to happen, now do we my beloved prince?" Not again with the death threats. "Okay no need to put my life on the line again, I promise." Kokichi nodded his head and was consumed by the darkness of the woods. Shuichi stood there anxiously waiting. Minutes later he heard something from the woods "Your safe Shuichi, come on." Hesitantly Shuichi stepped forward and into the woods. "Kokichi?" He cried. "Come closer, you're almost there." Was the reply he got, but he still didn't see him.

"Kokichi can you not mess around right now, where-" Shuichi stopped dead in the middle of his sentence and his tracks. He saw two glowing eyes staring at him, one a golden yellow color and the other, a mythical purple. Shuichi was like a deer caught in headlights with fear and astonishment. He didn't know what to do, and contemplated running away from the beast and waking up in his bed at home safe from all this chaos knowing it was all just a bad dream. Then the dragon cooed to Shuichi, "Come closer, my beloved; believe me, I won't bite."

So that's it so far :) I hope you enjoyed this excerpt and like mentioned prior PLEASE feel free to comment your thoughts/criticisms or drop a question in my ask box. Thank you good citizens of Tumblr for allowing me to be myself, and sharing my interests with y'all :) Stay tuned for more Shuichi x Kokichi content

Thank you once again for your time <3

#danganronpa #drv3 #saiouma #oumasai #kokichi ouma #shuichi saihara #fanfic #danganronpa au #constructive critism welcome

[persephoneflouwers]

Hi Angie, i hope it is alright that im calling you Angie, this is C.

Sorry for not replying earlier, I hope you are doing good. I’m also sorry to see that you lost someone so important to you, hope you are feeling better now.

I kinda screenshotted your answer to get back to you at a more suitable time (I see that I have the best timing now that the circus is back in town like talk about that wasted time eh Harry, anyway..)

I’m sorry that the fandom evolved into a place where you (and me and I’m sure many others) are feeling bad for voicing opinions that are essentially the fundamentals of being a larrie. The way this has been happening is particularly disheartening when people accuse us of apparently not respecting their closet or blaming them for their closets, like that is some level of gaslighting and guilt tripping.

I guess the fandom became this way now because louder voices are more occupied with following the biggest popstar (their words definitely not mine) of recent years than two closeted musicians that they can see past all the bs H and his team pull to the point where them voicing all the praise and how this fuck-boy persona is a must to make it big are drowning out the reasonable judgments of many levelheaded fans that can still manage to be here.

It really makes me wonder how it would be now with H and L if the fandom could have been more open with our criticism towards their recent way of handling fame, business etc, like im not trying to attribute more importance than we deserve to us as a fandom in their lives or saying we know better than them but we experienced firsthand how they were attuned to the chatter of larry fandom, maybe some tough love is what they need to hear instead of all the coddling (especially H) they are oddly receiving mostly from this part of fandom.

Also, im not trying to sound insensitive but it feels like they are missing Jay-like figure in their lives who im firmly believing was the voice of reason for them (I dont wanna get into this too much out of respect for Jay)

I have so much respect for you (and other blogs like you) bc you guys refuse to give into pressure of following whats come to be “the truth” and still speak your truths, there is nothing off putting about that believe me, it is admirable.

Im sorry if this ask feels incoherent, if it is so, you are gonna understand why in my following ask which would be just for you.

Hello, C 🦋 it’s so comforting to read your messages every now and then. I hope life is treating you well.

I know I made myself a reputation of an hater, but I’m not. I’m just constantly pushing back whatever stupid move they make. I don’t care if it’s good for their business, it’s not worthy on a human level and I fear the day people will start prioritising job and money and commercial success.

I also understand ignoring whatever thing you don’t like is a way to cope and go through this and curate your experience, but still it won’t make it go away. It’s hard at times, especially here - I’m not particularly close to anyone here so it feels like my experience is just me speaking into the void, you know? - and in this isolation sometimes I feel like the evil character but I don’t think I am. I’m a fan like everyone else, except I am very opinionated and more often than not I don’t agree with what I see/read here and there.

But thank you for coming back. I will not post the other part II because I like that little secret between us 😌 you’ll find me here when you decide to share more of your thoughts of course <3

#i forgot to say the latest 1-2 years events #have been the reason I have started writing fics #and I must say I enjoy it very much :) #im not sure I agree with you on Jay but I see where you are coming from with it #casella di posta numero 32 #C ✨

[ninisworld444]

Omg your post inspired me so much !!

As someone with adhd this is so incredibly motivating you have no idea <33

Just wanna ask a few things if that's alright with you,

1) Did you work on your void concept before?

2) Do i only have to relax and affirm and i'll enter the void?

Im glad it helped you <3 because i didn’t see many ppl with adhd talking about it so that’s why i made it my mission to help ppl like me lol

1.)kind of, I did say that get to the void state quickly a few times but i mostly focus on the fact that i didnt really trust myself so i said things like ”Only good things happen to me” ”I am always successful no matter what” ”I am god so of course these methods work” ”i am optimistic” ”Everything works out in my favor” “i trust myself and my guides” ”I trust loa” and etc.

2.) Yes, You have to allow yourself to let go, you dont have to worry about anyting at that moment, nothing needs you but yourself and the void state… trust that you’ve got yourself and youre not needed anywhere else and just relax… even if your mind wonders, it will get back on track, its just your mind trying to release thoughts to help you so say “thank you mind for help me release that thought, i release that thought completely” and then keep affirming but dont say your affirmations to harshly just say it lazily or relaxed

#anon #loa void state #loa adhd