#they do not know of my existence so i shall post on my secret sex blog about it

[wednesdaythesecond]

It's just me and this psychosexual relationship I have with someone who doesn't know I want them carnally against the world

#y'know that Pete Wentz poem about things getting him hot and bothered #the things being having a crush on someone he sees all the time and white denim jackets #like #baby girl you are all over Tumblr and I want to fuck you like an animal #but alas #they do not know of my existence so i shall post on my secret sex blog about it

[mha-adore]

General HCs: Students

Excluding Dekusquad and Bakusquad I have everyone else here, I hope you like it ☺

Tokoyami (+Dark Shadow)

* He's really trying to be a harbinger of truth and exposer of deciet. He's a dork. He's just trying to impress you.

* He's so stupidly into music and has like seven playlists he's made for you. Please listen to them he worked hard. He's really shy about his music tastes.

* Dark Shadow teases him relentlessly. You're walking near him? Tokoyami mysteriously trips into your open arms. You need help reaching something on a high shelf? Shadow birb got you covered. His only goal is to make you notice how flustered he is with you.

* He's insecure about being part avian. Most people aren't really attracted to birds, right? Honestly he could look like anything, it doesn't matter. He's a little angsty but kind hearted and pays close attention to you.

Jiro

* She's written like fifteen songs for you and you've heard none of them. They're top secret hidden in her locked diary. If you ask her very nicely and promise not to judge she'll play some for you.

* Expect a lot of punk and metal gifts from her. Her entire existence is punk and metal please lift her up. She is so shy about it.

* Totally the flustered gf. Borrows your clothes without asking and denies it only to approach you in front of everyone else and be like "oh hey here's your shirt back btw" and leave like it was nothing but she is screaming inside.

* Honestly just share a closet with her you two would trade clothes so often you'd need to stitch your names into the tags to keep track. Share the same perfume/cologne too while you're at it. Did you use the same fragrance or did you snuggle together for an hour? No one else knows.

Momo

* She knows other people are after her either for her physique, her family wealth or both and as such, is distrustful at first. She doesn't want to fall for someone only to learn they're using her. Give her space to get comfortable with who you are.

* That said when she knows it's genuine feelings she spoils you rotten. Designer clothes, expensive jewelry, a custom hero costume etc. Her wallet is yours for the taking. Please don't fuck her over.

* Because her family is well known both as elites and heroes she has a reputation to keep up. She insists that you go with her dressed well and looking great so she can show you off with style.

* She is actually very soft hearted and needs some soft love sometimes. Just sit with her under a blanket she made and watch a romcom. Don't judge her for binge eating, she needs to eat well to support her quirk. If anyone makes fun of her kick their ass into the stratosphere.

Aoyama

* He simply will not stop sparkling and neither shall you. He shares his skin care, hair care and multi vitamins with you. You're both glowing, literally.

* He can be spontaneous and over the top in everything he does. He likes to show off and catch stares. He wants to catch your stare. If you gaze longingly at him he'll act suave while squealing with glee inside.

* He spends his money frivolously. He buys expensive care products, jewelry, clothes, stuffed animals...Did I mention it's all for you? He's penniless for you and doesn't mind that at all.

* He craves your attention so much. Spend some time alone with him and just look at him. In public keep your eyes locked on him. His ego will go through the roof, in the best way.

Monoma

* He is so fucking full of himself. Until you're around. He's usually narcissistic and up his own ass but when you walk by he's suddenly humble, kind and friendly. It's just him wanting you to see his good side.

* Sweet hearted asshole wants to feel loved. Just be kind to him. Help him with his homework. Spend free time with him. Help him show up 1-A. He'll love it.

* Totally uses you as a reason 1-B is better than 1-A. "Sure you guys fought villains and all but you don't have anyone even vaguely as attractive as my beloved!" Just let him have his fun in the sun.

* His hero costume is over the top for a reason. He wants to be the prince to sweep you off your feet, kiss you and ride off on a horse. He has the attire covered. Next, your love.

Hitoshi

* Above anything please just be accepting of his quirk. Don't ask him to use it for anything unnecessary or say anything bad about it. He's been ridiculed his entire life for his "villainous quirk", please be kind.

* Nap with him dammit. He's sleeping deprived because he pours all day and night into becoming good enough for 1-A. He wants to be a real hero and he values that over sleep. Cuddle with him at night and he'll sleep like a happy rock.

* You must love cats, end of discussion. His backpack is cat shaped, his phone case is a cat, his spirit animal is a cat, he may as well be a cat. He'd be over the moon if you compares him to a Maine Coon.

* When he does get into 1-A please be happy for him. He worked so hard for it, show your support. Even if you're in different classes you can see each other during lunchbreaks and after school.

Mirio

* He is sunshine. He is warmth. He adopts introverts. It's our man. His hugs are like butterfly kisses if they could crush you.

* He's the type to be really into you and still treat you like a friend. He can't get with someone unless he knows them very well beforehand.

* Though he's friendly and out reaching to others he's still a private person who shares little about his personal life. He needs to learn about you first. Being open yourself will encourage him to start chatting about himself.

* He loves romantic songs. He isn't one for Spotify, playlists or the such but if he hears a song that makes him think of you he's texting you the link immediately. He gets so caught up texting you that he stops listening to others and is in his own little world.

Tamaki

* He is just....So shy. So baby. He really wants to be a strong hero and save the people he loves but he is so shy. Don't pressure him into anything, he just needs someone who will let him be himself.

* That said, he has no experience in love. He's had crushes over the years but nothing meaningful enough to mention. Until you came along and took his heart for a stroll. Now you're all he thinks about. Is your hand warm? Do you like to kiss cheeks? What's your favorite flavor Pop Tart?

* When he manages to confess to you (not if, when) it'll be something cheesy but sweet. Like on Valentine's Day he'll leave a heartfelt card on your desk with his signature and a flower. He's a simple man.

* His feelings are so sensitive please never yell at him, not even out of excitement. He's scared of upsetting the people he cares about and wouldn't dream of upsetting you, his little mochi ice cream. Yes all his pet names for you are based on food.

Nejire

* She's the personification of a flower crown. With thorns. Very soft, sweet and pleasing to the eyes but very capable of defending herself. She is not a sex object and beats the ass of anyone who says so about herself or you.

* I personally headcanon her as asexual but that's my idea on it. You can see it however you like. Either way she's very romantic and loves cute gestures like 3 foot tall teddy bears and hand sewn clothes.

* Imagine this: at the beauty pageant, she wears a dress you sewed for her yourself and, alongside her natural beauty and talent, wins the pageant. She would have just been proud to show everyone your skills but she won wearing that dress, you can bet she's telling everyone you made it.

* She treats Eri like a daughter and hopes you'll do the same with her. Call it a little childish but she loves the idea of playing house with you. Married in a little happy home caring for Eri together.

I think that's everyone I need to add for now. If you want to see someone else in this let me know! My next two posts will be this same format for pros and villains. If you have any headcanons to share or a request my inbox is open

#mha x reader #tokoyami #tokoyami x reader #jiro kyoka #jiro x reader #momo yaoyorozu #momo x reader #aoyama yūga #aoyama x reader #monoma neito #monoma x reader #mirio togata #mirio x reader #tamaki amakiji #tamaki x reader #nejire hado #nejire x reader

[wardenrainwall]

Writing Tag Game

Tagged by @morganlefaye79 Thanks! This was a lot of fun!!

I shall tag... crap, uhm... @illusivesoul and @inky-does-art ? if you want and anyone else who wants to do this.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

63! Lots of one-shots.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

776,150

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Mercy

The Sarebaas and the Templar

Little Explosions of Hope

Mending All Things Broken

Secrets Kept

4. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Almost always! I am super appreciative of every comment I get, and usually I’ll go through and reply when I’m posting a new chapter (or if it is a 1 shot, I’ll do it within a day or so) but occasionally I just forget, then I feel guilty.

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Now, this is a toss-up. I have written two fics with super tragic, angsty endings. One is Cadash/Blackwall An Abrupt End in which Rija Cadash dies after the final battle with Corypheus. Then the other is probably A Moment - A Lifetime which is Lavellan and Cullen and their happily ever after, except Cullen’s mind is going from the years of Lyrium use.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Hmm, happiest, I do usually try to end with good happy endings, so mostly that is what they are, but as for the best? I would say either Mercy or Little Explosions of Hope

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Nope, I never have :(

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I mean, that depends on the definition of hate. I’ve received some comments regarding my ability to write. Some comments about characters that were particularly nasty, that I felt was unjustified. (except when it was about Disaster!Evie, I wrote her intentionally to be loathed)

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Hell yes I do. Or at least, I used to. … The smutty kind? Lol. Graphic, filthy encounters, and sometimes soft and sweet and romantic ones.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that i know of!

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, I’m a sad basic american who only knows english, and no one has ever asked otherwise.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope, I’m terrible at that sort of thing. I can barely write my own fics, worrying about writing one with someone just stresses me out.

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

That is a cruel, cruel question. Maybe a bit of a cop-out, but Blackwall x Anyone.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Probably With Her Lionheart, or Sal’Shiral Din’anshiral. I desperately want to finish them, but I dunno if it’ll ever happen.

15. What are your writing strengths?

First chapters and dialogue.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions and actions.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I think it adds to the story

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Heh heh heh uhm… Well, wrote but never shared with anyone, was a little General Hospital fic, but as far as stuff that I posted, that still exists out in the internets somewhere, would be Roswell.

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I’d say, either Breathe (Aella Adaar/Blackwall series) because it was the first fic that I ever wrote for DA, and rereading that series didn’t make me cringe, lol. Or, Little Explosions of Hope, that one is just so long, and I was really happy with how it turned out. I really enjoyed writing Wren, my angry, disabled, elven sex-worker who Cullen fell absolutely head over heels in love with. Sure there are plenty of flaws in the story, and stuff that I’m not so happy with in retrospect, but overall I really loved the slow build of the relationships and shifts and growing as characters.

#tagged #writer meme #about the writer #about the fics

[anextraordinarymuse]

I need your thoughts about why you read Shane and Oliver being intimate in To The Alter. The longer the better.

Well, I am happy to oblige!

As I mentioned in that original post, I have no doubt that this isn't a popular take on Shane and Oliver's relationship, and I know that SSD is a faith based show, but I think that Shane and Oliver's interactions in To The Altar were purposely written to be ambiguous. So, let's break it down, shall we?

To start, I personally don't believe that Oliver and Shane sharing that last intimacy would diminish either their faith or their connection in any way. Oliver is old fashioned, but only to an extent, and while this is a faith-based show it also doesn't exist in a vacuum. Hence why I think there is ambiguity in the way their interactions are presented: so you can interpret them in whatever way you like.

So. In To The Altar, we see Shane and Oliver interact in ways that we have never seen before. It's not out of the ordinary for Oliver and Shane's wardrobes to match, but right at the beginning of the movie they don't just match: they're dressed almost identically. Both are wearing their dark green plaid outfits; Shane's coat is blue, and Oliver's tie is almost the same color blue. This is pretty innocuous except that it immediately made me wonder how they pulled that off, because the match is too exact to be accidental (IMO). My first thought was "how cute, they must have done that on purpose", and then the next thought was "well, how would they have done that?" Now, this isn't really important except that it's what kind of set me on this track in the first place.

The first interaction that really set me off was the teasing between Oliver and Shane on the post office floor. Oliver tells Shane that he can't bend the rules just because "You and I are ... especially because you and I are ...". But Oliver can't finish the sentence, and his inability to articulate what exactly they are triggers something playful in Shane. She gets right into his personal space, goes up on her tiptoes and whispers in his ear, "I love it when you get all 'Ms. McInerney on me.'" Now, we've seen Shane being playful before, and Oliver as well to some extent, but this is ... well, this is new. The way Shane whispers in his ear can be interpreted as being at least lightly seductive; the fact that Oliver can't seem to stand still while Shane is in his personal space seems to indicate that this moment makes him feel some sort of way as well. He literally bounces on his feet - more than once - but there's no discomfort in his expression. He's smiling, but it's a playful, secretive sort of smile. Honestly, there's so much playful intimacy in this moment that it should be illegal. No matter how you read it, it's clear that these are two people who are very comfortable with and in love with one another. It was all of these things together that struck me: here they are in identical outfits as if they got dressed that morning together, sharing a playful and perhaps thinly-veiled seductive moment, and Oliver can't finish his sentence with "just because you and I are dating?" There are two alternatives here: one is that Oliver doesn't say dating because he's already started thinking about the future and what ends up being his proposal ... and one is that the end of his statement would have referenced their new intimacy, which he could not find a way to do appropriately so did not finish the sentence at all. This interpretation would also tie in nicely to Shane's sudden teasing, because she knows what he's trying not to say and decides to tease him about it.

The very next scene that Oliver and Shane share is the infamous wedding dress scene. The intimacy of their previous moment is directly carried into this one. The way that Oliver steps forward to fasten the buttons and then he and Shane watch each other in the mirror is just ... my brain immediately went "oh, they've done this before." I don't know how else to explain it, except that this moment felt new to us as the audience, but not new to Shane and Oliver. Shane has been caught with the wedding dress, yes, but that's where the surprise of the moment seems to end. This moment is reminiscent of countless romance movies where the leading man zips the leading woman into (or out of) her dress. Oliver is the playful one in this moment, and all of Shane's shyness stems from the fact that he's seeing her in a moment that she didn't intend on him seeing; again, aside from the wedding dress, this moment seems so familiar to them that Oliver is comfortable teasing Shane. That's a huge thing in my mind, because Oliver is not playful in moments of discomfort or uncertainty. Also! We don't see Oliver approach Shane at all - one moment he's staring at her from a few feet behind her, and the next moment he's reaching out to do up her buttons. How did he know that the buttons were undone? There's no way he could have seen that detail from where he was first standing - so did he know that they were undone because he knows that Shane has a hard time reaching that spot? It just felt so .... deliberate that we were shown Oliver's hands buttoning the dress.

The next scene that stood out to me was actually the moment between Norman and Oliver at the tuxedo fitting. Norman has just admitted that he and Rita are both virgins, and that he's nervous about "going to the movies" as he's termed it, because he's afraid he won't be good at it. Oliver's advice is both sweet and confident: "Norman, you aren't going to the movies, you and Rita are the movie. You are the stars of your own love story. And when the time comes you will know your lines, and it will be beautiful." Now, nowhere in this moment does Oliver seem to overtly draw on anything personal, and we know that he's just good with words and giving advice overall. This moment could be nothing - just some beautifully worded advice - but in many ways, Rita and Norman are foils for Shane and Oliver. If Norman and Rita are both virginal, then the foil would be for Shane and Oliver not to be. That tracks with their characters, since we know that Oliver was married before and Shane is not as old fashioned as Oliver (so theoretically might not have the same 'wait for marriage' attitude that many people assume Oliver has). Again, this moment might be nothing, but given that it comes after those moments with Shane and not before it makes me think that Oliver is actually drawing on how he feels about his relationship and intimacy with Shane to set Norman's mind at ease. Also, since we've moved past Holly so completely at this point it wouldn't really make sense for Oliver to be drawing on those experiences (especially at what is, in many ways, the height of his relationship with Shane). Thus, if Oliver is drawing on anything personal in this moment it must be with Shane.

Now, at the beginning of the movie Shane and Oliver's wardrobes are either very in sync/complementary or downright identical, as mentioned before. But as we get to the middle of the movie and later, their wardrobes are no longer as in sync (or are in the same color palette, but not really similar). This coincides with Oliver's preoccupation - but it also made me wonder if it doesn't signal the nights that Oliver and Shane spend together vs. the ones they don't. Since Oliver is old fashioned, and Shane isn't, there could be a compromise there: maybe they spend one or two nights a week together, but not all of them.

So. I think these things were meant to be ambiguous so that the audience could interpret them how they chose. It could be that these interactions are clues hinting at the evolution of Shane and Oliver's relationship ... or not. There's not a lot of them, but the fact that they exist at all - and that these interactions really aren't present in any other movie, or with any other couple - is what caught my attention. Obviously I fall into the "their relationship has evolved" camp. Given what we know of the characters I think this the most realistic interpretation. Oliver and Shane are at least in their mid-thirties; one has been married and the other has had at least one serious relationship previously; this isn't a first serious relationship between young people (like with Norman and Rita). By the time we get to To The Altar, Shane and Oliver have been dating for a year (based on when the movies aired, since we don't have a concrete timeline in the show), and I think based on the giddiness of their interactions that any intimacy they've shared is still new, so we can safely assume that they probably took their relationship progress slowly. A year is a long time for two adults in a seriously committed relationship to wait to have sex. Like I said, I know that this is a faith-based show, but it doesn't exist in a vacuum and it aired in 2018. Also, I wish I had gifs of all of these moments to include here!

The best thing about this is that it can be interpreted in any way that you want it to be. I have interpreted it the way I have based on the things I've laid out above, but that doesn't invalidate any other interpretation.

So, what do you think?

#ShOliver #Shane x Oliver #SSD #ssd: to the altar

[trishvaylar]

What's with our freedom of speech postulate?? We are free to voice our opinions anywhere, as long as we do not violate the law. Since when did voicing a theory as to how a show is going to end or what is the character's real identity, had become violation of the law? But this is exactly what I see with my own eyes, a totally unjustified discrimination. An ordinary The Blacklist fan group on Facebook, but the admin is perfectly OK with "if I see a post containing the mother theory, I delete them because it is irrational af". That, by the way, is a quote. So, what happened to our freedom of speech rights then? Isn't this a clear violation of our constitutional rights?

Now, to the second point, to the mother theory being "irrational as fuck".

First let me tell you this: I have tried applying all other theories to that place in a puzzle where we have the mystery of Red's real identity, and putting them one by one into that place. I did it honestly, objectively, but not one of them actually fits. Now, if we talk about "irrational as fuck", I will say this: if there are people who call the mother theory like this, let me drop this honest, objective examination, and see if those other theories are rational.

So, I begin with the most popular movement: lizz*ngtons. So, there is a man (I stress this word, MAN), who knows a girl "for all of your life", and at the same time, when he comes back into her life, he begins to lust for her, make sexual remarks, "kill" her husband, dream of f*cking her, maybe even fathered her child (they are called "agnesgaters"), and all this care, love, tenderness, sacrifice is for one thing, to have sex with a girl he saw as a newborn. You know what? This isn't "irrational", this is perverted, this is SICK! I have nothing more to say on the subject.

Now to the second largest movement, Daddygaters. They think it is a Father-Daughter thing. Well, this looks less "irrational", at least at the beginning. But then, after Red kept telling Liz he is NOT her Father, after her remembering that she actually shot her Father, there came a moment when she saw a DNA test confirming paternity and Red did not deny it. Only then later the bones of the real Raymond Reddington were found. But that did not vanquish the Daddy theory. Because the Daddygaters care not that no Father would have forced their beloved child to suffer the belief she had killed her Father if she had never done that! Only a monster would do that, and Red definetely isn't one.

Now, to a smaller theory - Reddington twin brother/Liz' uncle/or maybe Katarina's brother/Liz'uncle, or maybe Raymond's Father is alive abd uncovered the secret to immortality ("Alias", anyone?) and is looking after Liz, who is a niece/granddaughter. Well, how rational do you find this little theory? Only one question here - how would any of those people, who, I believe, do not exist, know such intimate things about Katarina, if they were not Katarina? Did any of them have a gift as in "What women want"? I highly doubt it. Or, maybe it is just some third man, who loved Katarina (not Ilya! How many were there, ha?)?

Other smaller theories are so rediculous, I shall not mention them.

And now let's look closer at what is being labeled "irrational as fuck".

First things first: is Mother's love for her own child rational or not? I believe that true Mother's love for her child is unconditional, all-encompassing, sacrificial, and the Mother would do literally anything to protect the child. And that is more then rational, it is NATURAL!

If the Mother is being hunted, and knows that her baby would be always in mortal danger if she were to stay with her child, what would she do to ensure the child's safety? The answer is - ANYTHING! Staging her suiside and dissapear? Yes, please. Becoming someone else? Maybe even change her gender? Build a criminal Empire just to ensure that, when the time comes, she will be able to protect her child? Ofcause. Hire the woman, who was the nanny of her child, and also a very talented cleaner, an envaluable assett to a criminal and a close friend from another life? Quite logical - only for the Mother who is now the Father, who is deceased.

So, so far all quite rational. Then the question is: what is wrong with the theory? Probably the only thing that is "wrong" for those who see it as "irrational af" is this: they either never expirienced the selfless parental love in their lives, or themselves never loved their children in such a way as to become literally ANYTHING just to ensure their safety!

And there is something else: Katarina Rostova is a legendary spy, secretkeeper, myth, who loves her daughter more then her own life! Red is all of the above and loves Liz more then his own life.

I can go on indefinetely, but I see no reason to do so, because, as far as I am conserned, Rederina is absolutely rational and beautiful, and everything else as opposed to it, is irrational as fuck! 😈

#I feel the need to protect Rederina #Yes #Mother theory is beautiful and logical and endgame #All the others are irrational #Also about the freedom of speech #And violation of our rights #On Facebook #And in other places

#the blacklist #raymond reddington #rederina

[ourimpavidheroine]

You always post your writing soundtracks. Mind sharing your top ten albums with us?

I actually laughed when I read this because I’m thinking of the Anon who complained that all of my music was OLD. I mean. I’m old! What did you expect?

Never mind me, I’m easily amused. Thank you for using the word album so I would not feel like Lady Danbury with my lethal cane.

Yes, sure I can do that! I don’t know that these are my forever and ever amen top ten, but they are the ones that are coming to mind right now. So.

Under a cut, it’s long. 

In no particular order.

Brutal Youth - Elvis Costello

My ex-husband was in love with Elvis Costello and who could blame him? The man is a genius lyricist. This is not one of his more commercially popular albums but I love every single track. (I also lined up at Ticketmaster in Oakland, CA when the man was touring in order to get tickets for my ex. I got there at midnight and spent the night, meeting a group of drag queens who were getting tickets to see Barbara Streisand. God, that was a fun night, we ate donuts one of them went on a donut run for and sang showtunes for hours. One of my favorite memories.) This verse, from Clown Strike, is one that has resonated with me since I first heard it.

Tell me what you want of me Or are you terrified of failure? You put on a superstitious face Behind all this paraphernalia We're not living in a masquerade Where you only have three wishes It isn't easy to see In a lifetime of mistaken kisses

Unrepentant Geraldines - Tori Amos

I remember the first time I heard a Tori Amos song. It was the summer directly after I’d graduated from college, I was driving my ex-husband’s car and Silent All These Years came on the radio and I was just fucking gobsmacked. I bought Little Earthquakes that day and haven’t looked back. I have all her albums. I am a big, big fan.

Unrepentant Geraldines, though. God. It came out the year before my wife died and it got me through her death. The song Weatherman is about a man losing his wife, and how he sees her in the nature surrounding him. 

And. 

No, sorry, I can’t write more about this, not right now. But I sing it to her sometimes. 

He is not a weatherman But his bride lies with the land And she will whisper to him I'll be dressing up in snow Cloaked in echo it's almost As if only Nature knows How to paint his wife to life With every season's tone "One more look from her eyes One more look can you paint her back to life"

Ray of Light - Madonna

This album got me through my divorce from my ex-husband. I’d go out every single day during my lunch hour, this on my walkman, and walk and walk and walk until I got myself in enough control to go back and finish my work day. It’s a great album and I still listen to it a lot. It empowers me. And then my daughter was born and Ray of Light has always been her song to me, even though that wasn’t the song on the album that Madonna herself wrote for her daughter.

Faster than the speeding light she's flying Trying to remember where it all began She's got herself a little piece of heaven Waiting for the time when Earth shall be as one And I feel like I just got home And I feel And I feel like I just got home And I feel

Seven and the Ragged Tiger - Duran Duran

This one was a difficult choice. For one thing, I really love their album Big Thing, which almost nobody’s heard about but one I love deeply. This one though...I think it’s the memories, including going to see them at the Oakland Coliseum with my cousin during their tour for this album and finding out they were partially filming the video for The Reflex that night. I like to think of us as being one of those girls in the audience. (Although I wasn’t screaming. I am a Capricorn. Have some dignity.) Duran Duran were responsible for my first fanfic and I’ve had a love for them since my Dad bought me their first album for my 13th birthday. I am nothing if not loyal. I have all of their early albums, all of their 12″ singles, too, including Secret Oktober, which I have always loved with a passion.

Also, Roger Taylor can still get it.

Freefall on a windy morning shore nothing but a fading track of footsteps Could prove that you never been there Spoken on a cotton cloud like the sound of gunshot taken by the wind And lost in distant thunder racing on a shining plain And tomorrow you'll be content to watch as the lightning plays along the wires and you'll wonder

Touch - Eurythmics

Another band I still love and listen to on the regular. Annie Lennox could sing me the telephone book and I’d be thrilled. Seeing her at age 14 in the Sweet Dreams video for the first time in my Grandmother’s living room quite literally woke something in me that led to moving across the world for a woman years later. (GOD.) I have all of their albums and choosing a favorite is difficult but this one won by a narrow margin, if only for the song Regrets, which is one of the songs that describes me until I became a mother, really. Like I RESONATED with that song. Still does in certain ways, if I am being truthful to myself.

I've got a delicate mind I've got a dangerous nature And my fist collides With your furniture I've got a delicate mind I've got a dangerous nature And my fist collides With your furniture I'm an electric wire And I'm stuck inside your head

Combat Rock - The Clash

Ah, teenage Impavid first understanding that music can also be political. Listen, I didn’t know much about what was going on outside of my own miniscule sphere - I was young and the internet didn’t exist yet. We got what news we got from our local paper and TV stations and they weren’t really reporting on what was happening in the world, not in 1982, let me fucking assure you. I got this album because my Dad was a part time DJ at a radio station that played mostly country music and the general manager of the station would just toss the rest of the non-country albums they’d get as promotions. My Dad would bring them home to me to listen to. You can imagine thirteen year old me listening to this album that opened with “This is a public service announcement - with guitars!” going WHAT THE FUCK? Let me just say there were a lot of trips to the library to read various newspapers after that.

Not to mention Rock the Casbah. What was a muezzin? I had no idea. I spent half a year reading books about Islam, about the Middle East and Northern Africa, which led to a curiosity about other religions beyond the Roman Catholicism in which I’d been raised, about other cultures as well. This album and The Color Purple by Alice Walker were the two things in my teen years that woke me the fuck up.

Now the king told the boogie men You have to let that raga drop The oil down the desert way Has been shakin' to the top The sheik he drove his Cadillac He went a' cruisin' down the ville The muezzin was a' standing On the radiator grille

Synchronicity - The Police

This fucking album. This fucking album. This album reached deep down into me and pulled out my soul and kicked it around for awhile. Every single song on this album hit me like a brick wall. Still does. Most likely always will.

Listen, you either like King of Pain or you live it. There’s no in between.

There's a little black spot on the sun today It's the same old thing as yesterday There's a black hat caught in a high tree top There's a flag pole rag and the wind won't stop I have stood here before inside the pouring rain With the world turning circles running 'round my brain. I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign, But it's my destiny to be the king of pain...

Sign O’ The Times - Prince 

The soundtrack to my University days. Jesus, it starts out with “In France a skinny man died of a big disease with a little name,” and it just keeps going. Pain, sex, wonder, glory, politics, love. It’s all there. I wore the vinyl out on this one. Amazing, amazing album. In fact, I still play it so often my kids practically know it by heart, and they don’t even like Prince!

To this day I think If I Was Your Girlfriend is the sexiest song ever written.

I will tell you this much: Sayuri’s main writing soundtrack song is Starfish and Coffee off the album, the same song I used to sing my kids as a lullaby. This should tell you a lot about her.

Cynthia wore the prettiest dress With different color socks Sometimes I wondered if the mates where in her lunchbox Me and Lucy opened it when Cynthia wasn't around Lucy cried, I almost died, U know what we found? Starfish and coffee Maple syrup and jam Butterscotch clouds, a tangerine And a side order of ham If U set your mind free, honey Maybe you'd understand Starfish and coffee Maple syrup and jam

Nina Simone Sings The Blues - Nina Simone

This was one of my Daddy’s albums. He loved it and so did I. As a child I just loved the sound of her voice - something in it both soothed me and pulled at me, made me want to run and just keep running. She still makes me feel like that. If you don’t know Nina Simone I urge you to change that, right now. There’s nobody at all like her. She’s irreplaceable. All of her material is good, not just her blues songs. Not to mention, she was an absolute brilliant genius at the piano, never mind the strength she had as a Black woman in a time when doors were shut in her face on a daily basis. Seriously. Read about her.

When I became a woman, of course, her songs took on a much deeper meaning for me, one that I could relate to. Isn’t that the hallmark of a good album, though? One that stays with you and changes with you? I think so.

If you’ve never heard her cover of I Put A Spell On You then do yourself a favor and go right now and listen. You’re welcome.

Oh and Buck from this album? Nuo to Wing, right there.

Also one of the sexiest songs ever written, this one. Especially how she sings it. The Hot Frenchman (have I ever told you about The Hot Frenchman? no? OH BOY THERE’S A STORY) told me he thought it was about drugs and I was like, honey, this tells me a whole lot about you, more than you probably wanted it to.

I want a little sugar In my bowl I want a little sweetness Down in my soul I could stand some lovin' Oh so bad I feel so funny and I feel so sad I want a little steam On my clothes Maybe I can fix things up So they'll go Whatsa matter Daddy Come on, save my soul I need some sugar in my bowl I ain't foolin' I want some sugar in my bowl

I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got - Sinéad O’Connor

This is a beautiful album, full of pain and joy, her hallmark. She sings every single word with everything in her; she’s far too intense for many, many people (and while she’s been open with her mental health struggles I’ve often wondered if she isn’t somewhere on the spectrum as well) but never for me. Her raw honesty has always appealed to me. She’s political, she’s a lover, a mother, a survivor of horrific abuse, someone who keeps reinventing herself as a way to find her way through pain. I always feel, when I am listening to her music, that I am bearing witness. I’m not afraid of pain; I’ve survived it as well. This album, one of her oldest, is still my favorite.

The line “You used to hold my hand when the plane took off” is the most evocative lyric I have ever heard with regards to the ending of love. It’s a punch to the heart - she felt it and she shared it with us, her fragile heart in her palms. Oh, Sinéad.

This is the last day of our acquaintance I will meet you later in somebody's office I'll talk but you won't listen to me I know what your answer will be I know you don't love me anymore You used to hold my hand when the plane took off Two years ago there just seemed so much more And I don't know what happened to our love

#personal #favorite albums #long post #Anonymous

[lesbian-vmin]

Idols and Dating - Responding to Arguments about my Taetae Bday Live Post

Yep. I’m going to talk about this because the topic is something that a lot of people seem to get offended over. This isn’t me trying to hurt anyone’s feelings, it’s just me trying to bring you guys to the realistic idea that yes. Idols do date. And yes. That means BTS could be dating. And I’m going to be talking about an infinite number of possibilities here, so let’s get into it shall we?

I’m going to be addressing counter arguments that I’ve seen people use against them dating, or bringing s/o’s to certain areas. (BELOW THE CUT)

Do you think they have time to date????

Maybe not, really. But also, yes? People working in the medical field work pretty hectic schedules right? Let’s look at doctors, specifically. Especially those who started their career path straight out of high school. The amount of hours it takes them to study and do homework in pre-med alone takes a lot of time. Then they have to go medical school and residency programs, which also leave them very few hours in their day. Once actually earning their M.D. certificate, they can get a job working in a hospital or clinic. Doctors who work in the hospital, especially those that work in areas that require them to be on call and have a potential of bringing them into the emergency or operating rooms, have very little time. Busy schedules. Hectic. Busy schedules. Are you trying to tell me that no doctor who went straight on their career path straight out of high school could possibly have a relationship and get married because they don’t have time? People make time for relationships. Many of my friends from university are doctors, and all are married now.

My team works twelve hour shifts every time we work, and we work every other weekend. Even so, my analysts still find time to date people outside of the team.

But, they travel. That’s different!

Is it now? Yes. It is true that they do travel. Still doesn’t make it impossible for them to have a relationship, or have you forgotten that this is the 21st century? Even if they don’t spend a lot of time in their home country (who’s to say their s/o would even be from their home country?), it doesn’t prevent them from having a relationship. It probably makes it more difficult, but I’m sure they have many people’s numbers stored in their phones, and they talk to people outside of the group all the time. There’s bound to be a romantic interest somewhere in their list of contacts.

Also, they have friends. How can you say they don’t have time for romance, but have time for friendship? Oh yeah. Because people on this site really devalue friendships, so I’m guessing those that use this and the “no time” excuse think that friendships require less effort than relationships. No. It’s a different type of effort, but not less.

I also know a lot of people with traveling jobs that keep them from seeing their family for 12 to 16 weeks at a time (one of my friend’s dads works on the river, so he’s usually gone for months at a time), yet manage to find love, get married, and have kids. Yes. All while working that job.

In regards to Taehyung having an s/o behind the camera, do you know how hard they try to keep relationships private? Why would they risk bringing an s/o to the company?

I am so glad you asked. So let’s talk about what it means to have an s/o. First of all, the term s/o is gender neutral, and it gives you no more information. If you assume we’re talking about a female s/o, then you need to get out of your head a little. Because, while I’m not saying that a possible for s/o for Taehyung can only be a male, people shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss the possibility. Especially not when Taehyung has made several, very open claims, about...how do I say this? Sexuality/his sexuality/how he views sexuality. I’m not saying him wanting to sing a romantic duet with a male or him writing lyrics in Sweet Night that sound very much like a same-sex love interest (but also...it could be me drawing that conclusion myself, so) is him telling us subtly that he’s gay. But people shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss the possibility. Because he could be. And we need to give him support either way. If he’s ever confirmed to have a girlfriends, then great! Doesn’t mean that he’s straight because he could still be bisexual/pansexual - then the things mentioned above are still relevant, but okay.

Sure, I can agree. Bringing a female around the company might raise suspicion. But. Bringing a male to the company wouldn’t. Why? Because when people see two men together, they jump on the “they’re friends” train really quick. Have you ever noticed that literally every dating rumor (that sticks) about idols is always a straight couple dating rumor? They see two male idols hanging out, and they’re like. “Hey look! Did you guys know X and Z were friends?” So...yeah. Bringing a girlfriend to the company might be suspicious. But a boyfriend? Not so much. And yes. I’m sure they, themselves, would be aware of the difference.

There are gay idols. They are not openly gay, but they exist. It’s rather unfortunate that they can’t be openly because representation does fucking matter, and the gay youth (and not youth) in Korea could really fucking use it. And beyond them just being representation for society, it’d be nice for them if they could come out. I know that idols face scrutiny when they’re in straight relationships, but we all know it would be worse for them if they were in gay relationships. Or maybe we don’t all know. But we LGBT friends know. Because it would be worse if a confirmed relationship turned out to be a gay one.

(EDIT: And maybe people wouldn’t ask gay idols about dating their band mates and “their ideal boy/girl” because they’d know that they’re gay. Of course, some (maybe unintentionally) offensive questions might come from it, but just them being able to come out at first would be a step in the right direction.)

Also, how many people actually stalk them around the company doors and would see them entering with someone? The answer to this might actually shock me because I don’t keep up with stalker-released content from BTS. I refuse. But I’m pretty sure the company has some kind of security to keep stalkers away from the building if it ever becomes an issue.

Bringing an s/o to the company? Cont.

Also. Me thinking (not just because of his bday live) that Taehyung has an s/o isn’t me saying that I don’t think Jimin isn’t a possible option for who that person would be. So...quite frankly. Would Taehyung bring his s/o to the company? Um...if it was Jimin? Yeah??? Like? It wouldn’t be suspicious. By any means. At all. And then all the arguments about them having a schedule/working go right out the window because....it’s Jimin???? (Or someone else he works with.)

Yes. People can date people on their teams. I have analysts at work who are dating each other. We allow it because they’re equals. I couldn’t date one of my analysts, but that’s different. I’m their supervisor. There are places with their own policies on dating co-workers (it’s strictly forbidden to date someone in the same department as you in many places, regardless if you are equals or not), but we don’t know BH’s policy.

We may never have had any same-sex same-group official couple dating news, but we have had dating news of (two, that I know of) straight couples dating someone from their own company. BH / TY from SM and HA / ED from Cube. There are probably more.

But there is Tiger / YMR who are a straight couple in the same group and married. They were married before the group was formed, but still. Co-ed groups aren’t very common, so it’s hard to have many examples like this.

Someone in the group?

Well, because I’m a VM blogger, let me go ahead and say that Tae’s s/o being Jimin smacks down all of these arguments.

No time? That’s fine. They work together and see each other all the time. They would only have to differentiate between their workship and relationships.

It needs to be kept secret? That’s fine. Shipping is something that people do, but no one honestly expects them to actually be in a relationship.

Bringing them to the company? Um. Yeah. They both work there.

So. Yeah. My point that Jimin being the s/o (and behind the camera) still stands.

(EDIT: But I’m not saying that Jimin was behind the camera. Because it could have been someone else, and not an s/o. Taehyung was in a good mood because it was his birthday, and he was talking to the fans. So that’s a possible reason as to why he’s giddy and happy. Also, I’ve seen him get like that with Jimin, and the other members. And, hell, even Tannie. So..)

I’m not trying to prove that Jimin is Taehyung’s s/o by any means. I’m just talking about reasons why I think it’s funny that everyone is so quick to dismiss the possibility.

Yes. In my post about Taehyung “obviously being in love” because of how giddy and happy he was during his live was a joke. I was making fun of people who say “he’s obviously in love” because they’re smiley and happy and giddy.

But the idea of Taehyung having an s/o still stands. Because he writes these romantic lyrics, and it’s possible that they’re about someone he’s currently in love with and dating.

Him writing romantic lyrics also doesn’t confirm he’s in a relationship. Because you can write about the feeling of being in love without ever having been in love (because there are all sorts of existing lyrics and novels and poems about love to draw inspiration from) or without currently being in love, but knowing it felt like because you were before.

Also. I just wanna say. Being “in love” is a feeling that people can get beyond romantic relationships. Romance isn’t the only thing that can bring those feelings out of us. Especially for those who feel emotions more strongly and appreciate more things than just romance.

This post is a mess, but I think it pretty much covers what I wanted to say.

[chelsfic]

Vampire Seeking Familiar - Nandor x Guillermo Fanfic (One-shot)

WWDITS Masterlist

Summary: Nandor places an ad for a human familiar and Guillermo responds. My take on how they first meet!

A/N: I woke up with the urgent need to write this. I was inspired watching Harvey’s AMA where he mentions that maybe Nandor placed an ad on Craigslist for a familiar. Hope you enjoy!

Warnings: Fluff, Crack, Smooching, Light mention of sex (not explicit)

---

"Greetings, peasant. I require your assistance with the electronic computing device."

Nandor hulked over the reference desk, looking like an anachronism standing amidst the dull, institutional decor of the public library. He wore a floor length cape trimmed in gold embroidery over a brocade tunic and deerskin pants. He attempted an awkward smile, putting his fangs on full display.

He wasn't the strangest thing the librarian had seen that day.

“Sure,” she replied with a guarded smile. “What are you trying to do?”

"I am attempting to post an advertisement on a list kept by a man named..." he glanced down at a scrap of paper in his hand, "...Craig."

Ninety painstaking minutes later the librarian breathed a sigh of relief as the strange man finally clicked “publish.”

“Now, you just keep an eye on your email,” she kindly explained, “and wait for someone to respond.”

Nandor’s eyes lit up with a kind of hungry delight as he switched tabs to his empty Hotmail inbox.

“Your assistance has been most appreciated,” he thanked her, reaching into his tunic and flicking a heavy, gold coin in her direction.

She flinched as the coin flew at her head, awkwardly catching it and placing it beside the keyboard. 

“You’re welcome, Mr. Relentless. But I can’t accept a tip. Have a nice night.”

She stood up and walked back to her desk with a look of repressed hilarity on her face. She doubted anyone would reply to this guy’s post. But then, she reminded herself, she’d certainly seen stranger things happen…

Nandor clicked refresh and frowned when his email remained stubbornly empty.

---

Vampire’s Familiar (Staten Island)

Attention Mortals!

Do you weary of your pathetic human lives? Do you wish to find purpose in serving your evolutionary superior? Can you lift at least 50 lbs without assistance?

I, Nandor the Relentless, Conqueror of Thousands and Immortal Vampire, seek a human familiar to do my dark bidding. Duties include, but are not limited to, daytime errands, cleaning of a large mansion, laundry, personal valet services, securing the house against sunlight, blowing out candles, and waste disposal. The successful contender will be provided room and board for a fair rate ($1200/month) and the promise of eternal life after their term of service (length TBD).

If you possess the courage, kindly respond by electronic letter.

---

It had to be fake, right?

Guillermo sat in the break room at Panera Bread, idly scrolling through job ads on Craig’s List when the heading “Vampire’s Familiar” caught his eye. For a second he felt his stomach swoop with excitement before he got a hold of himself. It was probably just another jerk looking for attention. Guillermo knew in his heart that vampires were real, despite never having met one in real life. And it was his dearest, secret dream to become one of them. But so far, his internet sleuthing had uncovered nothing but a whole lot of pathetic internet trolls.

But what if this was the one?

He clicked the link, biting his nails as the text of the job posting loaded on the screen. He read through it, a smile tugging on his lips. He really shouldn’t get his hopes up, but his eyes kept darting back to that name. Nandor the Relentless. Conqueror of Thousands. What a cool vampire name.

He opened his Gmail app and started a new message.

---

Dear Nandor the Relentless,

My name is Guillermo de la Cruz and I am writing to you in response to your Craigslist posting seeking a human familiar. I have long been an enthusiastic admirer of vampires and it would be a dream come true to meet one and work for them.

I’m a responsible, hard worker who’s eager to learn new things. While I have never worked as a familiar before, I do have a background in customer service and a Bachelor’s Degree in History from Stony Brook University. I have attached a copy of my resume.

Looking forward to hearing from you,

Guillermo de la Cruz

---

Guillermo suggested they meet at a Panera Bread on Staten Island because it was familiar and, more importantly, public. He was less worried about meeting an immortal, murderous creature of the night than he was about the possibility that the guy could turn out to be a regular human serial killer.

He picked a comfy armchair by the window and sipped his tea while he watched the door, feeling a thrill every time it opened. He was early. If this guy turned out to be the real deal, then he desperately wanted to make a good first impression. When a tall, darkly handsome man with long hair and a cape walked through the door Guillermo gulped and raised his hand in a shy wave.

“Nandor?” he asked, just to be sure. 

The man turned to him and there was no mistake. Guillermo’s breath caught in his throat. His skin was pale, almost glowing in the restaurant’s warm lighting. His eyes were dark brown and penetrating. Guillermo felt struck when the vampire’s gaze fell on him, as if he could see straight through him and into the most secret parts of his soul. He stepped closer, looming over Guillermo and looking somehow both self-important and unsure.

“And you are…” Nandor glanced upward, searching for the name. “Guy...Gil...Gilbert?”

“Guillermo,” he corrected with a shy smile. He shifted on his feet and adjusted his glasses nervously. He knew vampires were sexy by nature, of course. But he hadn’t been expecting to feel an immediate attraction to his prospective employer. This guy had his own gravity and he was sucking Guillermo in.

“Guillermo, of course.”

Hearing his name in the vampire’s rich, accented voice sent a tingle down his spine.

“Shall we, uh, sit down?” Guillermo stammered and then smacked a hand to his head, gesturing to the display case of pastries, “Unless you want something…?”

Nandor hissed dramatically and Guillermo got his first good look at his fangs. Honestly, he felt faint. This guy was either an excellent cosplayer or he was for real.

“Vampires cannot consume human food,” Nandor announced with a grimace of disgust. “Lesson number one.”

Nandor sat with a sweep of his cape and Guillermo followed suit.

“Oh! Of course! I have a lot to learn… Mr. Nandor--Mr. Relentless, sir,” Guillermo stammered, finally picking up his tea and taking a big gulp just to shut himself up.

“Master will do just fine,” the vampire replied as he adjusted the fall of his impressive cape around him. “That’s how you’ll refer to me if you get the job.”

“Oh! That’s--um,” Guillermo tilted his head and narrowed his eyes as he pondered the right word, “very...antiquated?”

“Well, hello! I’m a vampire! Kind of comes with the territory,” Nandor scoffed dismissively. “If you’re not interested--”

“No! No, I’m...I’m definitely interested,” Guillermo insisted, blushing furiously at his own words. He was interested...in more ways than one, apparently. He couldn’t stop glancing down at the vampire’s mouth, his full lips and the delicious hint of sharp fangs. God, what would it be like? To be bitten…

Nandor watched as the human’s full cheeks darkened with a blush. He parted his lips and inhaled longingly, scenting the sweet, spicy aroma of the man’s blood and barely suppressing a growl. 

He cleared his throat, shifting in his seat and abruptly asking, “So, you want to tell me a bit about why you are wanting to become my familiar?”

The interview--oh my god, I’m having an actual interview with an actual vampire!--flew by somehow. At first, Guillermo was all nervous stammers and sweaty palms, but after a few minutes he couldn’t help the natural urge to gush and he found himself barraging the vampire with fascinated questions. Not just about the job, but about himself. How old was he? Could he fly? Turn into a bat? Use mind control? What about sunlight, was that really a thing? Garlic? 

Rather than becoming annoyed, Nandor seemed to preen under the human’s obvious admiration. He held his head high and his word choice became increasingly grandiose as he waxed poetic about his existence as a creature of the night.

As the meeting finally wound down, Nandor turned his deep, liquid eyes on Guillermo, capturing him in his gaze as he spoke.

“Now, Guillermo, you must tell me one thing. If I choose you for this job, are you willing to give up all this,” he gestured around at the interior of the Panera Bread. A cashier wiped down the glass display case and an infant wailed somewhere in the back of the dining area. “And come and live with me, putting yourself under my control and becoming subject to my dark power?”

Guillermo gulped down his nerves, feeling the momentousness of the occasion as he whispered, for the first time, “Yes, master…”

“Wonderful!” Nandor cried with a clap of his hands. “I will reach out to you through the ether after the checking of your background.”

The vampire stood, moving away from the table before Guillermo could formulate a response.

“The...ether?” he finally asked, his brows knitting together in confusion. “How will that work?”

Nandor waved away Guillermo’s confusion with a flick of his wrist and answered, “Very simple. My voice will come to you in the evening before you are a falling into the slumber.”

Guillermo was silent for a beat, wondering how this answer was meant to clear up his confusion. 

“Right,” he finally murmured. “Of course…”

Nandor turned to stalk out the door and Guillermo jogged after him, “Wait! There’s just...just one more thing, before you go.”

Nandor turned back with an annoyed expression, “Yes, what is it? I’m getting pretty hungry over here!”

Guillermo choked down an enthusiastic squeak at this admission and attempted to school his features into neutral calm as he asked, “How do I know you’re legit? Can you...show me proof?”

Nandor’s eyes darkened and he seemed to grow even taller as he turned his full focus on the human man, “You require proof? You require proof from Nandor the Relentless, who has twice turned the waters of the Euphrates red with his enemy’s blood. Proof, you say?!”

“Yeah,” Guillermo shrugged, holding onto what he hoped was an aloof calm as he quaked internally.

Nandor sighed and rolled his eyes as he answered, “Fine! Come with me. Fu-cking guy…”

He led Guillermo to the alleyway behind the Panera. During the day you might find a delivery truck back here or an employee taking out the garbage, but it was deserted at this hour of the night. Nandor stomped ahead of Guillermo, clearly aggravated at this request. He stopped and turned to face the human with a dramatic flare of his cape.

“Prepare your puny mortal brain,” he warned and then, without ceremony, he transformed into a bat.

Guillermo gasped, his face splitting into a wide grin as the tiny, squeaking thing flew circles around his head, landing in the lush curls of his hair for an instant before taking flight once more and erupting back into his vampiric form.

Guillermo rushed up to Nandor’s side, positively gushing, “It’s true! You’re real! A real vampire! Oh my god, I--”

Nandor suddenly broke out into an aggrieved hiss, grimacing and turning his face away.

“Watch it with that shit!” he complained loudly. “You can’t say...the g-word around vampires! You understand?”

Guillermo tilted his head in confusion for a second before realization lit his eyes.

“Oh! The g-word, of course! I’m...I’m sorry, master. I promise I’ll learn quickly,” he babbled. Now that he knew for certain that Nandor was a vampire, he was desperate to land this job. It was everything he’d dreamed of since he was a little kid first watching Antonio Banderas as Armand.

“Yeah, well--you’d better!” Nandor griped, but his face smoothed into a self-satisfied smirk at Guillermo’s obvious hero worship. A thought occured to him as he watched Guillermo’s adoring gaze. “There’s one more thing--I’ve just remembered. You can never fall in love with me, human. I know a lot of vampires who get into the whole sex thing with their familiars and it always ends up...messy. Understand? That’s a condition of your employment.”

Guillermo felt his face once again heating up with mortification. Had he been so transparent?

“Of course, master. I understand,” he murmured. 

Nandor nodded, looking satisfied with Guillermo’s answer.

“Alright, then. Remember, you will hear my voice through the ether! Night, night!”

And then Nandor braced his knees and leaped into the air, soaring over Guillermo’s head and into the night sky.

“Wow!” Guillermo sighed, watching the tiny pinprick that was his vampire disappear into the darkness. “He’s so fucking cool…”

---

Some years later…

Guillermo sat in the fancy room with his legs tucked up underneath him, typing away on his laptop as Nandor fed another piece of wood to the fire. He paused long enough to enjoy the view of his boyfriend’s ample (yet firm!) backside as he bent over the fireplace. 

“Guillermo,” Nandor started, dragging out the last syllable adorably. “What are you working on over there?”

“Why don’t you come here and see?” Guillermo replied with a shy smile. He patted the cushion next to him. He was still bashful about flirting with his master. Their relationship had finally--finally!--advanced after years of longing and pining. But even after a week of learning everything Nandor had to teach him about the joys of vampiric sex, he still felt unaccountably shy about their new relationship status.

Nandor settled down beside him, pressing their sides together and peering down at the thin computing contraption with a look of trepidation. 

“You need to be careful with these things, Guillermo!” Nandor admonished, wrapping an arm around his familiar and pressing his face into the warm crook of his neck. He breathed in his delightful scent before continuing, “There are witches on the internet who can curse you through the electronic post!”

“Don’t worry, mas--Nandor. I’m being very careful,” Guillermo assured him. 

The night they first made love, Guillermo had been overwhelmed, beside himself with a heady mix of physical sensations and emotions. He’d cried out at Nandor’s touch, using the title that he’d been trained to use for almost a decade. Nandor had felt his stomach drop and ice flow through his veins at the sound. “No...no, my Guillermo. Call me Nandor. Please. Call me by my name…”

“What do we have here…?” Nandor pondered, squinting his eyes as he read the text on the screen. “Guillermo! What is this all about!?”

“You said it yourself, Nandor,” he replied with a sly smirk. “Not falling in love with you was a condition of my employment…”

The words hung in the air between them for a moment and Guillermo felt as though he’d just opened up his chest and revealed his beating heart to the vampire’s hungry gaze. 

Nandor’s dark eyes softened and sparkled in the firelight as he murmured, “Oh, my Guillermo… I--I love you too.”

Nandor took the laptop and set it on the coffee table before taking Guillermo into his arms and laying kiss after kiss across his sweet face. 

“Are you ready?” Nandor’s voice was hushed. Guillermo looked up at him and was awestruck all over again at his luck. That such a man could love little ole Memo.

“Yeah, just--hang on a sec,” he said, leaning over Nandor’s lap to reach the computer and hitting “enter.” He fell back into Nandor’s arms, looking up at him with perfect trust and saying, for the last time, “Yes, Master. I’m ready.”

---

Vampire Couple seeking Human Familiar (Staten Island)

Do you long to explore the hidden world of magical creatures all around you? Do you have a strong stomach? A career as a vampire’s familiar might be for you!

Nandor the Relentless and Guillermo the Great seek a human assistant to do their dark bidding...

#nandermo #nandor x guillermo #guillermo x nandor #nandor the relentless #guillermo de la cruz #wwdits fanfic #what we do in the shadows fanfic #wwdits

[zaph1337]

Monster Hunter Rating 6: Genprey

Y’know, the Monster Hunter series seems to really likes dinosaurs. It’s easy to just put them in the games and call them monsters because it’s easier to forget that they’re real animals since they’re all extinct. Granted, they can’t make them exactly like what we think those dinosaurs looked like because then they’d just be, well, dinosaurs, but they don’t really have to change much. Though, in this monster’s case, modern paleontological advances have done its job for it. Let’s talk about the Genprey, shall we?

(How it appears in Monster Hunter 1)

(How it appears in Monster Hunter 4)

Appearance: Y’know, I said that the Apceros was just a scientifically-inaccurate ankylosaurus, but that was because I assumed that all dinosaurs had feathers  because I thought that all dinosaurs were basically birds. But after doing a bit of research, I learned that not all dinosaurs were avian, and that most, if not all, feathered dinosaurs were theropods, so Apceros and Aptonoth probably aren’t as inaccurate as I thought. Genprey, though, is a theropod, and as such will not be spared my generalizations. Genprey is just an outdated raptor with a head crest.  The main problem I have, though, is that there are several raptors in Monster Hunter--they’re called the Bird Wyvern class--and they tend to look really similar to one another. We won’t see the biggest offenders for a very long time, but just know that my issue with them is that their color schemes make them too difficult to tell apart at a distance. The colors of the Genprey are interesting, but other than that, there’s nothing here that really works for me. 4/10.

Behavior: Look, I was gonna write a deadpan critique of the fact that all of the monsters I’ve talked about so far live in packs, including the Genprey, but now that I think about it, I don’t think that I’ve seen a non-Main Monster in Rise that wasn’t accompanied by other members of its species, and I doubt that that’s different in the other games, so I’ll give it a pass. What I’m still exasperated about is the fact that the leaders of so many of these packs have the “prefix of original monster followed by -drome suffix” naming scheme because, you guessed it, the leader of a Genprey pack is called a Gendrome. For crying out loud, "drome” doesn’t mean “bigger and stronger”! Ugh. Anyways, Genprey mostly live in the desert, though they have been seen in swamps and forests. They prey on monsters like Aptonoth and Apceros, and the Gendrome’s job is to form plans that allow the pack to do this without getting crushed. Considering how Genprey are apparently pretty common, even to the point of presenting dangers to settlements, I’d say that they’re doing a good job. Honestly, I’d find this more interesting if it wasn’t just “standard pack hunter,” but in terms of behavior, that’s all Genprey seem to be. 5/10.

Abilities: Thankfully, Genprey aren’t standard animals in terms of their abilities. Their scales are colored to provide camouflage in the desert, and they also provide protection from the fangs of other wyverns. The skin under the scales also has properties that neutralize paralytic venom, which brings me to the Genprey’s main offensive ability: their fangs and claws can secrete a powerful neurotoxin which can paralyze creatures ten times the Genprey’s size. In fact, it’s said that no matter how large the prey is, the venom will still paralyze it in a matter of seconds. Most animals with toxins like this that I can think of either use it defensively or are jellyfish, which don’t exactly go out of their way to catch anything, to my knowledge, so the fact that the Genprey specifically uses it to hunt is pretty cool. 7/10.

Equipment: I’ll save the equipment named after the Gendrome for another time, but as for the Genprey’s equipment, the weapons all have the same patterns and colors that the scales do, and some of them have fangs and claws affixed to them, which is to be expected, but for some reason, several Genprey weapons have eyes on them, despite the fact that Genprey eyes aren’t a material you can use in forging, if they even exist as a material at all. And these aren’t just patterns formed from scales, they legit look like real eyes. Here’s the Viper Bite, the Genprey Sword and Shield, to prove my point:

And if you think one eye for each side (presumably) of a sword is weird, how about a weapon with three eyes that’s also a literal guitar? Here’s the Genprey Hunting Horn from Monster Hunter Frontier G:

SURE. WHY NOT. Well, now that we’ve gotten past...that, it’s time to look at the first armor set ever featured in one of these posts: the Genprey Suit from Monster Hunter Generations Ultimate:

Okay, not to make it sound like I’ve been staring too closely, but why is there a heart-shaped hole in the chest area of the girl’s suit. It’s so small I didn’t notice it until I uploaded the image into the post, so what the heck’s even the point if you’re going for sex appeal!? And why is the helmet a Genprey head!? Where did you even get the materials for that!? Ugh, I get the feeling that Monster Hunter plays by its own rules and doesn’t care what we mere mortals think. As for the equipment rating, this is so weird I legitimately can’t tell if I hate it or not. It’s weird, but it’s also kind of average?

EDIT (04/19/2020): A couple of people have pointed out to me that the Genprey Suit is not normal armor. Apparently the a lot of the dromeosaurid (raptor-like) Bird Wyverns have these sort of Power Rangers-esque outfits along with their normal armor sets. Here’s the “Blademaster” variety of Genprey armor from MHGU:

Thankfully, Capcom realized that sexualizing the female version of this armor, which is clearly meant to be bulky and cover everything, was a stupid idea, though it’s still a bit more exposed than the male armor. I also don’t understand why the female version has so little to do with the Genprey; there’s more metal there than scales. Sure, the male version has metal too, but it’s almost completely covered in scales. I also don’t get what that orange ring around the dude’s shoulder is. This armor isn’t bad, but it doesn’t appeal to me, and doesn’t change the original score I gave the equipment before this edit. 5/10.

Final Thoughts and Tally: Genprey have some cool aspects and some weird ones, but they still somehow fail to be noteworthy. Despite everything, they still feel like stereotypical, scientifically-inaccurate raptors. Hopefully the other Bird Wyverns stand out a bit more. 5/10.

#monster hunter #monster hunter rating #zaph1337

[misslisterkeepsajournal]

1826 Sunday 15 January

8 3/4 11

Made my own fire - about 40 minutes writing 20 verses on the ends of my letter to Mrs. M- [Milne] reading over the whole sealing and sending it down for the post to 'Mrs. Milne Post-Office Scarborough' - the letter expresses more passion than love and I still harp upon the wrong of loving her my sorrow and remorse quoting so much from her letter as to make it plain enough she is the seducer were Pi [Mariana] to see my letters she would excuse me and blame Mrs Milne I conclude with

'will you thank me for 'every syllable' or will other and colder thoughts arise but fare thee well thou too bewitching spirit of enchantment it may not be that heart like mine may ever beat on yours the ghost of murdered faith would haunt me would turn even bliss to agony and break my peace forever then fare thee well you bade me say I love you Harriet I said it and too strangely felt it and there is the shame confusion misery remorse of your bewildered and devoted AL' -

Went down to breakfast at 11 - took downstairs, and read my letter 2 pages from Dr. H.S. [Henry Stephen] Belcombe (Minster yard York) - nothing particular wishes

'to have a full detail of her present symptoms which I might study for an hour by my own fire-side tho' I still adhere to my opinion that if medicine can be available, the Carbonate of Iron is the one most likely to be so - and of this 20 gram mixed up in a little honey should be taken ter die, gradually increasing the dose if the stomach will bear it till you get to 40...In almost all cases of irritable nerves and in painful diseases arising from them this medicine has been found of great value' -

but would like to hear from Dr. K- [Kenny] before he ventured 'decisively to prescribe it' -

Read aloud the morning service and sermon 53 volume 2 my uncle's collection - came upstairs at 1 1/2 - Dawdling over 1 thing or other - copied out the verses sent to Mrs. M- [Milne] etc. - wrote all the above of today - which took me till 3 - then 1/2 hour reading my letter (3 pp. pages the ends and under the seal) from Mrs. Barlow (Paris) - the first page very religious prays for me every day my being more steady the only consolation she can receive that my 'mind is renewed' that I

'regret former errors which gives me so much hope that you will be blessed in futurity this alone repays all past suffering and I cherish this assurance with gratitude you will not disappoint me and as we can effect nothing of ourselves may we who are separated be connected by the fellowship of the holy spirit in mutual prayers for eachothers comfort' -

It wont do to introduce Pi [Mariana] to her at unawares -

'in answer to your Buxton letter I spoke of a 'fixed feeling' but I did not then understand that you had sworn fealty anew and this after having known me makes the case absolutely decisive there is no other form left to adopt but that of friendship but I accept of nothing then I shall have nothing to lose you have acted as you thought your duty required you to do let your mind be at rest and never believe my forgiveness wanting I have received my divorce I am resigned and may you be happy with her destined for you she is at present in the service of another but when she becomes yours I tremble for the fate of my letters .......you have no instinctive suspicion and if you had you would contemn it the sex are all angels with you I cannot forget the letter detained and meddled with at Buxton the only one which has experienced this fate'

She inquires who put it into the post etc. etc. I find Cordingley did it was not tumbled and had not been opened when she put it into the post but she says the young man at the office was much given they said to opening letters doubtless he opened this one in question - she dwells much on herself abasement and the wish that our connection should never be known to any but ourselves

'in charity to my deserted state bury my errors in your own bosom the loss of my own self esteem is sufficient punishment if our secret was ever divulged the tie which did exist would become perfectly hateful to me and have I not suffered enough'....'should anything happen to you.....what would become of the journal book you say you prize so much' -

Mrs. B- [Barlow] has got a servant aetatis 23, named Potter, a Guernsey-woman, wages 18 guineas, likely to suit her very well - it seems as if she would not see me

'never speak of forgiveness and you need not see me to know that no rancour has place in a heart which is only anxious for your welfare and happiness believe in the sincerity of this wish and that I ever remain your affectionate friend CMB' 'Major Eliot being appointed brigade major to the forces in Canada bids me lose all hope of seeing my sister for many years to come - Sir Hudson and Lady Lowe lived as high up as myself at the very top of the Hotel de Paris. The Gardens of Monceaux, Boujou and Tivoli are all sold for building up' - 'If we lived nearer to each other' (vide under the seal), I would keep my letters for you after you had extracted any part you fancied'

Very cold, frosty weather in Paris - wrote 1/2 page very small and close to Mrs. B- [Barlow] in an hour and half - Came down stairs at 5 20/60 - read aloud the evening service - Dressed Dinner at 6 1/2 - afterwards wrote all the above of today - very fine day - hard frost - but thickish, with much [rime] upon the ground and trees, and walls - Barometer 4 degrees above changeable Fahrenheit 26° at 9 1/2 at which hour came up to bed -

Reference: SH:7/ML/E/9/0050

#anne lister #anne lister code breaker #gentleman jack #1826 #mrs milne #maria barlow

[nunaya-business]

Let’s Talk About Steven Universe

*WARNING* This … “essay” has my opinions only. I am not speaking for the community, I am speaking for me because I like to express myself and there are people like @susanaaatc​ out there who like these kinds of discussions. So if you want, I’d like for others to give me their whole opinions on the show as well. Hell make a whole post about it like I did and tag me in it so that I can see your opinion. With all that stated, let’s get down to Bismuth.

So Steven Universe came out in 2013 and I was 11 years old at the time. I liked Regular Show and Adventure Time, not to mention I was obsessed with Rise of the Guardians and Monster High, so I was a bit preoccupied to watch the show. Eventually though, my best friend at the time talked about it constantly and she brought up the concept of fusion. She showed me the art book of the show that she bought and it showed how two completely different gems could fuse into one gem to become stronger. This is where my interest started, and it was the same concept that started pushing me away from SU later in it’s show run. 

So fusion in Steven Universe is mostly treated as a relationship, and it’s not always just romantic. It can be between two friends, it can be seen as a more sexual relationship between two gems, a romantic relationship, or a parent-child relationship like with Steg (Steven and Greg’s fusion). This is an amazing concept and I love it so much but… I’m not here to talk about what I like, I’m here to talk about what I dislike. 

One of the best characters in the show is Garnet. Garnet was revealed in season 2 (I think) to be a fusion between the two tiny gems Ruby and Sapphire, and Garnet is the manifestation of their love. She’s an amazing example of not only a healthy, respecting, and loving relationship between two people, but also is an amazing example of a healthy same-sex relationship. You see, Steven Universe uses “code” to represent something like race, gender, and age… But we’ll get to that later. My problem isn’t really with Garnet herself, but what Rebecca and the Crewniverse has made her in to. Many have said it before, and I agree. After her reveal as a fusion, Garnet was no longer the cool, collected, fun-in-her-own-way “mom” we knew before, she turned into a fusion, and a symbol for fusion, and a representation… of a fusion. After the reveal, all the crewniverse seemed to view Garnet as… was a fucking fusion! She lost a lot of personality in the 3rd and 4th seasons in my opinion and was really only used in the plot when it had something to do with fusion. To me it’s like having a friend group with only one Asian friend and the rest a different race, and then only inviting the Asian friend to hang out when you’re going to watch Anime, or a Kdrama. It’s a bit racist is it not? Just because you can relate a character to something in the plot does not mean that character has to be there. Maybe instead of putting Garnet in every fusion episode (with the exception of “Earthlings”) just mention her. She doesn’t have to be in every damn episode that has to do with the subject. 

A lot of people have an issue with Bismuth… and I can understand that. Let me explain why. “Coding” is what a creator of any media does to give the consumer an idea of a character’s personality, race, age, gender, etc, without it being too obvious. Off the top of my head I’ll state what I view the “coded” characters as.

 Garnet, Sapphire, Sugilite, and Bismuth are coded Black.

Amethyst to my knowledge is coded Hispanic or Latina or something like that.

Pearl, the Diamonds, Opal, and Rose Quartz are coded White.

Rainbow Quartz and Aqua Marine are coded White and British.

And I’m not sure about Peridot, Lapis and Jasper are supposed to be coded as.

So the race thing has brought up some issues. In the official artbook that I mentioned earlier there was a concept design for Concrete and the design was a little… oof. People weren’t very happy… lemme just show you.

So obviously people weren’t happy that good ol’ Concrete here looks like a blackface character from the early 20th century animations. And I agree it’s pretty bad, but I don’t think it was intentional. 

Some controversial things that come from the show (other than countries like Kenya being assholes and trying to act like LGBTQ doesn’t exist) are the portrayals of two specific characters, who also happen to be fusions, and I agree with most things people don’t like about them.

Let’s start with Stevonnie. Stevonnie is the nonbinary (but let’s be honest she’s a girl) fusion of Steven Universe and his love interest Connie Maheswaran (I had to look up how to spell her last name smh). They’re supposed to represent Steven and Connie’s closeness as best friends and their growing crushes on each other. Rebecca Sugar has also stated that they’re a representation of puberty…. Excuse me? Puberty must have went swell for you Sugar. There’s someone who made a video about why they hate SU, that person being the ever controversial Lily Orchard, and she covered why Stevonnie is just… honestly she’s waifu bait. I agree with probably everything Lily says about this character because… it’s true. Puberty seriously ain’t pretty, and it sure as hell ain’t sexy until after it’s done… sometimes. Also, Sugar is contradicting herself saying that the Crewniverse isn’t sexualizing two very under age kids because Stevonnie is Steven and Connie’s ages added up… which would make the fusion 26 years old… that’s a bit old for puberty Rebecca. It feels to me like they wanted to make a sensual character, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but they didn’t really want to add a new character so they just put the two love interests together. But that’s so fucking wrong. I’m sorry, but sexualizing Stevonnie, which they are doing btw, I will make a post if you question it, is like people shipping siblings or an underage person with someone way older than them and saying “it’s totally fine because they’re just characters” (*cough cough* Ereri *cough cough* Hitachiin shippers *cough*). If you’re going to use that excuse, but then get angry at people who don’t take the character seriously because they are just a cartoon, then you’re a hypocritical asshole. Sorry to tell you. Stevonnie is a very good character overall though. I’m just uncomfortable when they appear because they’re two kids in a trench-coat with curves like an anime schoolgirl and moves like someone who just successfully seduced a poor guy into giving them the secret to the Crabby Patty formula.

Now let’s move on to Steg, the fusion between father Greg Universe, and son Steven. There’s nothing wrong with them fusing because fusion in SU symbolizes a relationship, no matter what kind. However… why do two chubby men make a sex symbol rock idol??? That’s… that’s gross. Why the fuck is Steg so “hot”? Why on earth would you create a fusion out of a father and son and think it’s appropriate to sexualize them and make them gyrate their genitals like they’re an Elvis Presley impersonator? Just… WHY? Do I even have to explain why this is so wrong? Really? Honestly??? You can fuse Steven and Greg and not make it so sexual, but nah let’s give them rock hard abs, a humongous bulge a sharp jawline that neither of the two have, and a tight ass. What the actual fuck?? 

That’s not my biggest issue though. My biggest issue is giving the Nazi bitches a redemption ark smaller than my nonexistent cock. Endeavor from My Hero Academia is an absolute prick right? He abused his children, notably his youngest, and his wife, and is an absolute asshole to everyone, but he gets a redemption arch. Do you know why it makes sense though? First off because as far as we know Endeavor never committed genocide, and second because he’s not a Nazi, he’s an abuser. Abusers, whether we like to admit it or not, can eventually see the error of their ways and understand that what they’re doing is both wrong and that it doesn’t work. Endeavor is getting a redemption arch because he obviously loves his kids, he just doesn’t know how to show it because of some circumstances we may not know. 90% of the time an abuser was abused themselves growing up, so they grow up with that resentment and they go one of two ways. They see how wrong it is and knows that it won’t get them anywhere in life if they bully others to stay on top, or they think that since they went through it and came out alive, then others should go through it too. I should know, because my dad was from an abusive family, and he turned out fine(ish… long story) while his brother and sister are pieces of shit that can’t hold a job or a home because they’re too involved in criminal activity to do so. 

What does Endeavor from MHA have to do with the Space Nazi Diamonds in SU? Well people were sending Horikoshi Kohei death threats because he had the gull to redeem an asshole, and SU fans are pissed because Rebecca Sugar had the lady balls to “redeem” space Nazis. The difference being, you can be redeemed if you were an abusive cock, but not if you’re a genocidal bitch. There’s a huge difference. 

Rebecca and the Crewniverse giving the Diamonds a 4 episode redemption arch is absolutely abominable. Peridot’s redemption? Fucking amazing, beautiful, couldn’t have done it better myself. Jasper’s? It’s currently going amazing and they’re doing a great job keeping her in character while also making her likable and even a bit charming. Lapis? Oh… let’s talk about her shall we?

Lapis Lazuli’s character is an absolute disaster. She’s a cunt, she’s a horrible friend, and my god is she abusive! Lapis was supposed to be a sympathetic character, and for a while she was. You could feel bad for her because her gem was damaged and she was trapped in a mirror for thousands of years and when she’s finally released, you understand her want to go back home and why she took the Earth’s ocean to try and reach it. It was understandable when she didn’t want to break out of the prison ship because she was anxious and scared of being locked away for another thousand years. It was easier in her mind to just behave and wait. When Jasper convinced her to fuse with her Lapis didn’t really want to, but saw an opening for the freedom of the humans and mostly for Steven, the one person who saved her from hell. But then everything went south.

Lapis and Jasper were fused as Malachite for months, obviously in a very stressful “relationship”, and apparently a very abusive one as well. When they were finally able to unfuse, Lapis was played off by the Crewniverse as a victim of abuse. This may be half true. After all we don’t know exactly what happened with them at the bottom of the ocean. What we do know however is that Lapis admitted to being abusive. This makes her an abuser. She described how it made her feel happy to abuse Jasper, or “taking my anger out” on her. She admitted to abuse and the Crewniverse still painted her as a victim. They’re both victims of abuse, and they’re both abusers. But that’s not what makes Lapis a horrible person… gem…

Lapis is a cunt… again. It’s okay to be antisocial, it’s okay to be cautious and stand-offish because you’ve been trapped, imprisoned and used so many times. What’s not okay is being a bitch to people trying to comfort or make friends with you, or try to cheer you up. Poor Peri, she was just trying to make amends and comfort Lapis after her whole ordeal with Jasper. Peri offered the cunt the thing that helped her organize her thoughts, the thing that calmed her in situations that made her anxious, the thing that comforted her and the first gift given to her by her first friend and the first person that listened to her thoughts, and the cunt destroyed it. She destroyed Peri’s recorder right in front of her, calling it garbage. Oh and the abuse doesn’t stop there, it only really began, because when shit started to hit the fan, instead of helping each other through it, Lapis abandoned Peridot and took the home they shared. Without a single thought she just took it and abandoned her, and it devastated Peri. I don’t remember her apologizing, and if she did it doesn’t matter because if I don’t remember then it must not have been very sincere. 

I’m sick of spitting negative shit so I’m gonna end this here. Personally I’ve been liking the last few episodes, but I’m not too confident that the finale is gonna be satisfying. Those are my thoughts, do with it as you will, but for God’s sake be fucking adults about it. If you don’t got the guts to curse without saying “h3ll” or “pu$$y” or something like that then you’re not mature enough to respond to this. I’m not gonna argue with 9-year-olds. I’ll only have a conversation with mature people.

#steven universe #steven universe future

[mossjunkyard]

LGBT PEOPLE'S SUPER SPACE POWERS

A thread made by my friend

@/draw_your_perfect_world on instagram.

Is... Is the post before the last one suggesting that if you are gay you can breathe in space?

Have they only send straight astronauts into space because they want to conceal this secret? Like do you have to put 'straight' on your resume to get into spaceschool????

Homophobia in the spaceforce isn't cause of assholes, its to protect a secret.

They are very strict. All people have a test where they are shown pictures of people of the same sex with a pulse meter attached to them. Liam hemsworth is in there for the dudes just so you know. Everyone who's heart rate get higher is kicked out. Therefor, no enimies of hemsworth or fans of his rolls or his brothers are in the spaceforce aswell.

In the contrary, the lesbian forces are slain by a newly added picture of brie Larson. Which also means there are no sexist men in the crowd as those shall be enraged at the showing of a picture of the female superhero that could beat them up.

For that reason alone, Carol is one of the only woman pictures shown to men.

Bi and pan people are very common in the airforce, as their heart rate is higher for both sides. This part of the lgbtq community can not breathe in space though, their ability is the strange gift of communicating with outwordly spicies. At least that is what people speculate about as we are yet to discover another spicies.

So, while the people who have a diffrent sexuality have an advantage in space (the other sexualities have yet to be discovered powers, except for ace and aro people who have the ability to walk on planets with lower or higher gravity rates as if it were earth) the people who identify as a gender other then the one they were assigned at birth, have an advantage on other instances.

Transmasculine/ ftm people have the rare and strange gift of being able to point out the planets where plant life exists or that could be suitable for human inhabitants. After discovering this fact nearly a year ago , a full team of only transmen was hired and are currently looking for planets that earth's inhabitants could make their new home.

Transfemine/mtf people have the ability to eat and drink any form of undiscovered plant or liquid which others are not capable of eating as it is poisonous. This makes for a big part of the people actually going to other planets in the near future to be transwomen, an elite force of only mtf astronauts is currently being trained to be at the top of their game, would we discover a new planet.

Then there's the whole spectrum of none binary/gender neutral people. Though they do go by a lot of pronoun, they all share the same trait of being immune to the extreme weather's that some planets have. The spacesuits of every astronaut are being made to withstand immense heat, but few can actually survive the boiling heat or freezing cold that makes it so hard for us to learn more about other planets around us. This is where these people jump into action.

Though I am sad to say that there isn't a lot of gender neutral people in the spaceforce, as most are afraid they will fail the entry test.

The gender fluid and bigender people have an advantage that is yet to be discovered as they are with few. Though a recent study shows signs of being able to both breathe in space and underwater when the water has a lower oxogen level then is usually holds in the areas where we normally go for a swim. While this seems similar to the gift that gay and lesbian people have received, the gender fluids don't have to breathe at all to survive in these situations while the gays have what appears

To be a small bubble like force around their mouths which recicles the air they are using. Which would explain why it has always been described as warmer then the usual cold wif of oxigen.

#lgbt #lgbtqa #lgbtqa+ #queer #space #superpowers #lgbt space powers #marvel #gay #trans #bisexual #pansexual #nonbinary #gen z #gen z memes #text post #thread #carol danvers #liam hemsworth #brie larson

[legionnaireslover]

Inspired by doctortwhohiddles' excellent post!

Here's my contribution to answering @thoroughlyskeptic...

-sending threatening asks to anyone who likes a blog’s posts, even when unrelated to the fandom : I've never seen any of these so-called "threats" either. But I have seen Haters threaten Sophie with harm. I have seen Haters try (and sometimes REPEATEDLY try) to follow anti-hate blogs - has happened repeatedly to me. And I have REPEATEDLY told them I don't mind them reading my blog (unless they become abusive, which a few of them have, so I have had to block them... but only a handful) but I don't allow known Haters to be followers of my blog.

And YES Aeltri HAS a habit of jumping all over positive posts about Sophie and Ben (so have other Haters), especially on her Twitter account! She literally went into a Twitter rage during the Flourishing Diversity event, calling Sophie a whore, cunt and a criminal!

-ostracizing someone for saying ANYTHING not completely positive about your Queen : NOT ostracizing - just NOT letting them get away with sneaky, hypocritical behaviour... having their "Sherlock/Ben fandom" cake, and yet all the while supporting and enabling disrespect and hatred for Ben, his wife and his children.

All I want from these people is honest TRANSPARENCY. If you are going to show total disregard and respect for Ben's choice of wife and their children, then at least own your petty hatred. Don't sneak around the fandom pretending to respect BC. Just come clean and stop pretending to be something you're NOT! The most likely motivation for these people to HIDE their true nature is NOT fear - it's done because they are ASHAMED of their hatred and don't want others to know about their pettiness and small-mindedness. BTW most anti-hater bloggers don't care if someone doesn't LIKE Sophie - all they care about is that they don't spread HATRED AND FILTHY LIES ABOUT HER, BEN AND THEIR CHILDREN!

-blocking people and DEMANDING others block them too, if they don’t follow your “rules” : I don’t ever remember anyone DEMANDING that someone block a Hater either. I ABSOLUTELY remember telling Haters that unless they UNFOLLOWED ME I would block them from MY blog because I don't allow Haters to follow my blog. But if they did unfollow me I DON'T BLOCK THEM. And I remember other blogs saying the same thing... but demanding others block them... nope!

-DOXXING : I think Gator PURPOSELY misuses the term "doxxing". She KNOWS that she and other Haters have exposed personal info on the internet and then she cries about doxxing when she want to play the victim card.

And I remember all too clearly that it was GATOR AND AELTRI who tried VERY hard to publish personal information about someone's address on their blogs (thank goodness they're complete incompetents and they got it wrong).

-MAKING MULTIPLE SOCK PUPPET BLOGS TO DOXX : Oh please, Aeltri is the fucking QUEEN of sockpuppet accounts!

-POSTING A MAP TO SOMEONE’S PERSONAL HOME TRYING TO INCITE OTHERS TO HARASS : Ditto to Doctortwhohiddles response! As for inciting others to harass... that's practically a national pastime for the hater crowd on Twitter!

-having people blocked from other chat sites : just show us ANY real evidence of this! If it has happened (I don't visit chat sites) these people probably decided to block Haters because their obsessive insulting of Ben's wife and their children more in likely disrupted the chat.

-trying to have blogs on Tumblr shut down JUST BECAUSE YOU DON’T LIKE THEM : No, it's not just because we don't LIKE them... PLENTY of Hater blogs exist and no one reports them EVER. The few that are reported are ones like Aeltri who post outrageous hatefilled and dangerous comments. Like the latest diatribe from Aeltri stating that people SHE labels "defective infrahuman subspecies" be FORCIBLY STERILIZED! Is it any surprise that some are HORRIFIED by this and demand that some restrictions be put on this kind of hateful talk?

-TRYING TO GET PEOPLE BANNED FROM EVENTS : like Doctortwhohiddles said this is specifically about ONE person... Aeltri - and that was a case of due diligence because Aeltri was hell bent on seeing BC in person and all that was done was notify the organizers of the event about who she REALLY WAS and THEY decided to take that action to protect Ben. Honestly, what did you expect them to do once they read Aeltri's blog??? Welcome her with open arms? AELTRI GOT HERSELF BANNED FROM THAT EVENT BECAUSE OF HER OWN BEHAVIOUR on her blog!

TRYING TO GET PEOPLE FIRED FROM THEIR JOBS : Well the one that comes to mind where someone had proof of it actually happening is when a person published the incident in full on the XOJane site. And that was someone who was HARASSED BY A HATER because they posted that they had seen a pregnant Sophie with Ben. As for the Haters being hounded by others... never seen ANY proof or FULL accounting given - just accusations slung out by Haters and NO receipts EVER given! The XOJane incident... I remember reading the tweets AS IT HAPPENED, so I KNOW the harassment took place. Sooooo, who are the bullies???

-SENDING THREATENING LETTERS TO THEIR HOUSE : Just post the letters please! Otherwise it's just more imaginary delusions of the Aeltri ilk - "Sophie is making PHONE CALLS to me and hanging up!! Sophie has been making harassing phone calls to me PERSONALLY!! Sophie is HAVING ME WATCHED!! She's READING my blog!! She's hiring people to harass ME!" Sure Jan!

-SAYING YOU WANTED PEOPLE WHO DON’T AGREE WITH YOU TO DIE HORRIBLE DEATHS : Well, let's look at the timeline, shall we? If I recall correctly it was the Haters who started that sort of shit talk.

THEY were the ones who started with talking incessantly about harming Sophie, slapping her at events like red carpets and Letters Live, and then that escalated quickly into wishing her to have a "sad life event" (dead baby), wanting her to miscarry, saying they wanted to punch her in the belly to PROVE her pregnancy was a sham, posting photoshopped pics of her being run over by a train, posting allegorical pictures of dead octopuses (because their nickname for her was "octopus"), and then finally this culminated in Gator's horrible "warning" post to Ben about how he, Sophie and the children would be killed for PR. So, who wins the "Horrible Death Wish Crown"???? I think it's the Haters hands down!

And this doesn't even touch all the other vile lies that certain Haters have been spewing out over the years including accusing Sophie of sex trafficking, being a drug addict and a prostitute, killing and eating babies (!!) in satanic rituals (!!!), torturing Ben by scaring his head with secret cult brands, starving him to kill him, poisoning him... all under the guise of just partaking in innocent celebrity "gossip"!

So, the question is - why should we believe ONE FUCKING WORD ANY HATER SAYS if they readily partake in this sort of outrageous discourse?

Let's stack up THIS kind of rhetoric the Haters use ON A REGULAR BASIS, against the reactions of some people who are absolutely disgusted by the blogs of Haters, and see who has a CREDIBILITY PROBLEM, shall we? I don't think the Haters would come out on top!

#ffs #haters #just who is REALLY into nasty vicious comments? #I think it's obvious

[floralseokjin]

Hello, everyone! Even though Devil Seokjin’s story has been complete for quite some time, I am still not ready to give it up /sobs/. I still receive some asks about the universe as a whole and how it works, and because I am in the middle of writing a Hoseok story set in the same world, I’ve been imagining and creating a more in depth universe as I go. I think it would be beneficial and informative if I compiled it all into one post. As well as fun! 

I’m unsure if there are any loop holes, or perhaps, if I will change some things in the near future, as I began writing The Devil’s Wears Armani before I even thought of the universe and how it works. But if anything changes, I will update this post! Additionally, if you notice something I haven’t spoken about, or have any other questions, please ask away! 

The more I write about this universe, the harder I fall for it. Some things found in this post I have already included in existing fics, some will be included in the Hoseok fic, and the rest are saved for two additional ideas I may get to writing,  Yoongi and Jimin’s. So, fingers crossed! 

;index

i. how being a devil works ii. how hell works  iii. how selling souls work iv. characters in the universe v. stories in the universe  vi. potential stories in the universe  vii. characters with no stories 

i. how being a devil works

• A devil works pretty much the same way as a human. They have the same lifespan and will die of old age eventually. The only difference is that they can not die from human illnesses. Terminal or other. 

• Although that’s a little up in the air now! With the revelation that some devils can turn more human with their time on earth; like catch the flu, needing prescription glasses, getting drunk etc (Seokjin, I’m looking at you...)

• Devils do not have any magical powers. They are just a lot more cunning than your average human! The only “magic” per se, is the removal of the human’s soul. 

(See more: iii. how selling your soul works.)

• You cannot get turned into a devil! You’re either devil or human. However, if a devil mates with a human, they will create halfbreeds! These can die from human related illnesses, but can reside in hell if they like. 

• Most devils are just like humans. They see themselves as equal and alike, and have no qualms with befriending/falling in love with one. These are usually the ones who live on earth! But there are exceptions. Jimin for example; he likes living on earth and has no problem being friends with humans, but he doesn’t think he will ever fall in love with one, because they wouldn’t “get” him fully. (Cue, a potential Jimin oneshot.) Also, there are probably also devils who live in hell but have no qualms with humans. 

• However there are also devils who segregate the species. Hoseok for example, who is only interested in them for sex. And there are also devils who hate earth and wish the integration never happened (again, Hoseok.)

• There are probably also more “evil” devils, lurking in the depths of hell (maybe even earth) but that’s not really a part of the universe I will ever concentrate on. However, they do exist. 

• A lot of humans obviously know of the existence of devils, it’s just a very well kept secret. They blend in so well, it would be impossible to tell anyway, unless they disclosed it to you! Many businesses in the human world are run my devils (popular or small), and most devils on earth work beside humans in normal day to day jobs. 

ii. how hell works

• Devils can choose to live in hell or on earth, due to the integration of both species that Seokjin’s father implemented back when he was alive (Seokjin’s father was the original CEO of the accounting company on earth and after his death Jin took his place as both CEO and “King” devil.)

• Seokjin just like his father did, and his grandfather before him, keeps hell in check and is in charge. Head devil if you will! Seokjin’s twins are the heirs to hell and shall share it when they come of age/Seokjin gives it up/he dies. 

• That’s why he leaves Hoseok in charge whilst he lives on earth. Now Hoseok makes sure everything is in check while he’s away. Hoseok is his childhood family/best friend (their fathers were close friends) so Seokjin trusts him with such a job even if their lifestyles are vastly different now. 

• Hell is filled with the devils who don’t want to live on earth or just ones that share their time between both. It is also filled with the humans who sold their souls. 

• A devil will take a human’s soul most of the time without disclosing the truth behind their decision. Which is; once agreeing to sell their soul their life is a ticking time bomb. They will die within the year and thus get sent to hell to live there for eternity. (See more: iii. how selling your soul works.)

• A human can only reside in hell if their souls have been taken. It is impossible any other way unless they are a halfbreed (half devil, half human). 

• To put it simply, hell looks and acts like earth for the most part. Devils have companies and jobs. There are rich and poor ones. The humans must work too. However, if they are lucky enough or cunning enough they can survive by finding a devil mate who will look after them. The night life in hell is very prominent. It’s all about partying and sex. 

• The only difference between hell and earth is that there are levels. This is a little hard to explain, but basically the level I talk about and will write about (Hoseok oneshot) is the top level of hell (the one closest to earth). The most civilised level. One that works like developed (and capitalised) countries in the human world. You work to live and pay your dues. 

• I’m not sure how many levels there are but the deeper you go, the deeper you go into no mans land, or more fittingly, no devils land lol. These literally could range from red terrains, pitch black land, and the deepest of levels, the true pits of hell, filled with fire and hot lava. It is said, that the True One, Satan himself lives there. In my mind, some levels are used by certain devils (maybe the most evil ones), some are used as tomb storage for the dead demons. One is used as a type of prison (devil and human) and some are used for the now immortal, soulless humans when things get too eternal/overpopulated. (See more: iii. how selling your soul works.)

• I have also wondered how hell would work as a whole… Like is it just as vast as the world above? How would that work? Surely Seokjin couldn’t be in charge of the entire stretch of endless lands in hell and to be honest, that’s something i’m still thinking about lol. In my mind, the best scenario is for there to be multiple devils who are in charge of separate stretches of land. (ie. America, Britain, Asia etc in the human world, but of course, they’d have their own names in hell!) When Seokjin says he rules hell that would be an exaggeration. He is just one out of the multiple devils that rule hell together! He would only rule one part of hell if this idea is true! But yeah, still working on this one, and seeing as I’m concentrating on Seokjin’s area of hell in this universe, it doesn’t matter anyway!

iii. how selling your soul works

• So a lot of humans accidentally summon a devil (See TDWA.) This means they would have no prior knowledge that demonkind exist until then. Summoning would basically be “I would sell my soul/I want to sell my soul…” etc and then poof, a devil appears!

• Humans could also know a devil beforehand and sell their soul that way. But one thing is for sure, they rarely know of the consequences. A lot of the devils who take souls do it just because they can (it’s fun/asserts their superiority/used as a bragging tool etc). Some devils will not go through with the soul taking if they think it’s for stupid reasons (and of course, it they are a little more humane!)

• Humans think it will get them what they want instantly but of course there is a price and that is death! After selling their soul they will die within a year. They are always given what they asked for/what they wanted, before that but are unable to reap the benefits in the long run (depending on what it is). 

• Also note; some humans want their soul to be taken so they can go to hell, despite the repercussions. (I have a yoongi fic planned with this sort of storyline). Maybe they hate earth, want to follow someone, or are just plain greedy and think they know it all. Whatever the reason, a lot of the time they are not always tricked.

• Does a human change upon their soul getting taken? Not really, but their humanity would drop substantially after residing in hell for a long time. They would harden as a person and often become greedy and self obsessed (if they weren’t already). But it’s more so hell changing them as a person, not the removal of the soul. 

• A devil will rarely take the soul of someone over 50. They do not want OAPs roaming around hell (ruins the aesthetic lol) but of course there are exceptions.

• Once in hell, you are there for eternity. It is impossible to escape, and that effectively makes them immortal. They do not age, and are basically cursed. Living forever in a place that is not their own, nor are they truly welcomed/respected. (Of course there are exceptions.)

• Like i said earlier, they have to work, but if they find a devil mate then they usually look after them/help them out. Only problem is only a small percentage of devils are monogamous in hell, so they can get pretty bored of their human “plaything” quite quickly. Not that a lot of humans care. They can sometimes be hooking up with numerous devils at once. Basically everyone pretty much loves sex in hell lol, but maybe some fall in love who knows...

• Humans can also fall for other humans. There’s no rule to that either, and that would probably work out better considering the whole immortality/cursed for eternity thing. 

• Humans can not conceive nor impregnate in Hell. 

• One last thing; which is again a little up in the air and something I need to work on, is that I probably need to think of an overpopulation problem. If devils are takings souls willy nilly it’s going to get pretty crowded fast. This is where the levels come in! I’ve already said there is a level working as a jail. There is a law to follow even in hell, so anymore breaking it in the top level will get dropped to “jail” (human and devil.)

• Living for eternity doesn’t seem pleasant at all, so I have an idea. If a human gets bored of life, they can just stop existing. That includes no eating or drinking and eventually they will become immobile, not really alive nor dead. This means they can be kept in tombs in a deeper level of hell! Haven’t really thought much about that, for example, is it the human’s choice? or are they forced? Is there a time period in which they can exist in the top level of hell?? Again, all up in the air, but possible solutions. 

• And lastly, is there a way a human can officially “die” in hell? They wouldn’t really need to seeing as they could be kept immobile but I have been toying with the idea of incineration to be the final, fitting death of any soulless humans. (They would have to be immobile first.)

iv. characters in the universe (so far)

— Seokjin (devil; ruler of hell, residing on earth.) — Hoseok (devil; seokjin’s second in command, residing in hell.) — Jimin (devil; friend of seokjin’s, residing on earth.) — Taehyung (halfbreed; best friend of jimin, residing on earth.) — Yoongi (human; seen in ‘My Sweet 666.’) — Namjoon (human; seen in ‘My Sweet 666.’) — Jungkook (human; seen in ‘My Sweet 666.’) — TDWA oc/reader (human; seokjin’s wife and mother of their twins, residing on earth.) — Burn in Hell oc/reader (devil; seokjin’s cousin, residing in hell.)

v. stories in the universe

— Seokjin → The Devil Wears Armani (3 parts.) → My Sweet 666 (oneshot.) → The Devil’s Family (oneshot.)

— Hoseok → Burn in Hell (she said) (oneshot) 

vi. potential stories in the universe

— Yoongi → Untitled (oneshot; set in both earth and hell.)

— Jimin → Untitled (oneshot; set on earth.)

vii. characters with no stories

— Taehyung (he falls in love with TDWA oc/reader’s best friend in ‘The Devil’s Family.’) — Namjoon (does not know the devil universe exists and will never know.) — Jungkook (does not know the devil universe exists, but eventually will one day when he meets and falls in love with a halfbreed woman on earth.)  

see you in hell!

#this took forever whew #fic:devil universe #fic:tdwa #fic:ms666 #fic:tdf #fic:burn in hell #floralseokjin:writings

[gellavonhamster]

terpsichore

explicit || Bertrand Baudelaire/Beatrice Baudelaire/Lemony Snicket || pre-canon

ao3 link || originally posted in Russian

“As to Remarque, I believe that All Quiet on the Western Front is overrated. The same could be said of Three Comrades,” Lemony argues as he unbuttons his shirt. “A classic case of everyone being familiar only with the books made popular by their screen adaptations. Spark of Life, for instance, deserves much more appreciation. So does Heaven Has No Favorites.”  

“Hmm. I share your opinion on Spark of Life,” Bertrand hangs his sweater on the back of the chair, sits down on the edge of the bed, and starts undoing his wristwatch. “But Heaven Has No Favorites… no, can’t agree. I found it rather superficial.”

“I wouldn’t have pegged you as one of those who consider any book centered on a love story superficial.”

“Please don’t put words into my mouth. I never said that,” Bertrand puts the wristwatch on the nightstand, under a pot-bellied table lamp with a motley shade, and turns to face Lemony again. Lemony is fighting the buttons on the cuffs of his shirt, and it appears they’re winning this battle so far. “It’s just that it looks a great deal weaker when compared to his war novels. If it had been his only book I’ve read, I might have well thought of it differently. Need some help?”

“Be so kind,” Lemony extends his hands to him, and Bertrand unbuttons first the left cuff, then the right one. “Still, you have to agree that the problem of denying the inevitable or resigning yourself to it…”

“Snicket, why are we talking about literature when we’re about to have sex?”

“Well,” it looks like Lemony isn’t embarrassed or bewildered by this question in the slightest, “because Beatrice asked us not to start without her and I thought that while waiting for her, we could revisit our yesterday’s discussion?”

“If you’re not going to start without Beatrice, what are you doing with my belt?”

“Helping you unbuckle it, like you just helped me with the buttons,” Lemony replies, his face perfectly honest. “But I can stop if you don’t want me to.”

Bertrand catches his hand and presses it back to his belt buckle. Perhaps a little lower. Perhaps, not to the buckle.

“Go ahead,” he allows.

Beatrice lives at the attic floor of a house situated on one of the busiest streets in the city, but today it’s surprisingly quiet here. No noise of cars or tipsy passers-by coming from outside, just the sounds of the house itself: the ticking of the clock, the creaking of the bed, his and Lemony’s breathing, Beatrice’s heels clicking in the living room. It is as though this apartment has suddenly wound up outside of time and space, and it shall always be late evening here, an early spring outside the window, and just the three of them and no one else. A sanctuary, Bertrand thinks, running his fingers through Lemony’s soft hair as Lemony kisses his neck, each time near the spot he’s planted the previous kiss at, like applying brush strokes to the canvas. A parallel dimension that strangers cannot enter. He doesn’t know how to express this feeling of blessed detachment from the world, and he isn’t sure it has to be spoken about.        

“Why is she wearing heels at home,” he whispers instead, and Lemony’s quiet laughter tickles his skin.

“Because, my good sir, in my own house I can wear whatever, even a diving suit.”

Beatrice is standing in the doorway, her arm resting on the doorpost. Lemony rolls off Bertrand clumsily, and both of them reclined on the bed, they watch her twirl in front of them like in front of the mirror, providing them with an opportunity to get a good look at her outfit.  

“How do I look?” Beatrice inquires. She seems so pleased with herself, there’s something touching about it. Bertrand smiles.

“Gorgeous,” he says, and immediately after him Lemony pronounces:

“Ravishing.”

Beatrice is wearing a flippy scarlet dress, black stockings, and high-heeled shoes with ankle straps – a highly convenient model for those who have to hide a certain tattoo from curious eyes. Her dark locks are shining in the dim light of the chandelier and falling on her shoulders that are covered with a silvery shawl. Bertrand hasn’t seen any of the things she’s wearing before, except perhaps for the stockings and – certainly – for the pearl necklace he and Lemony gave her for her last birthday as a present from them both.    

“Are we going somewhere?” Bertrand asks, trying not to sound disappointed. Beatrice looks gorgeous indeed, but after the supper, when she pulled them both close, and with an inscrutable smile ordered them to wait for her in the bedroom, he imagined the rest of the evening somewhat differently.  

Beatrice’s face breaks into a smile just as inscrutable as earlier:

“Esmé and I did some shopping today…”

Lemony, who cannot stand Esmé, and knows the feeling is mutual, lets out an anguished sigh.  

“…and I decided I have to show you everything I’ve bought,” Beatrice either doesn’t notice his reaction or pretends not to notice. “Everything at once,” with that, she turns around and disappears in the living room again. Bertrand’s instant conclusion is that she’s forgotten to grab some other today’s purchase, but it turns out that apparently she went to put on a record, because the silence of the apartment is suddenly ripped by the sounds of saxophone. Etta James, Bertrand observes automatically.  

Beatrice appears in the doorway again and makes her way towards them, swaying her hips.

“So what…” Bertrand starts, and immediately gets hit in the face with the balled-up silvery shawl. He looks up in confusion – and meets Beatrice’s eyes as she begins to lift her skirt slowly, smiling with abandon and continuing to move in sync with the music.  

“Now I see,” Bertrand says, and shifts his gaze to Lemony, who is watching Beatrice spellbound and longing and doesn’t seem the least bit surprised. “So does it happen often?”

“Occasionally,” Lemony responds, not looking at him, and Bertrand cannot help but feel a pang of… jealousy? Not of him but of everything these two have already had before him and will probably have after him. Sometimes it crosses his mind that their strange union that came into existence this winter is something fleeting, that he, in contrast to Beatrice and Lemony and their love, is something fleeting himself, because so far everything in his life has been fleeting, and that must have left its mark on him. These are destructive, pestilent, suffocating thoughts – so is Lemony’s ill-concealed certainty that both Beatrice and Bertrand are too good for him and he doesn’t deserve either of them individually, let alone both of them together. So is Beatrice’s slightly better-concealed certainty that in truth, none of them deserves all of this, none of them deserves their fragile secret happiness because they all are murderers and one day all of this shall be taken from them, they shall be taken from each other. These thoughts are impossible to drive out completely; still, Bertrand puts the crumpled shawl to his face, buries his nose in it for a moment – the outfit may be new but the perfume is the same, Beatrice’s dressing room at the theatre smells just like that – and swears to himself at least to put them aside until later.             

“Do you also… occasionally?” he cannot stop himself from asking. Lemony chuckles softly:

“You know I’m not much of a dancer.”

“Eyes on me,” Beatrice orders half-strictly, half-playfully, and they obey, of course they obey her.  

Naturally, it’s not the first time Bertrand sees her dance. But the way she waltzes with him or someone else at another ball of the Duchess of Winnipeg, or dances Charleston with Monty in the Anwhistles’ drawing-room, has nothing in common with what she’s doing now. Bertrand isn’t even sure that could be called a dance: she’s flowing like quicksilver, moving her shoulders, her hips, her arms; she’s running her hands over her body, crumpling the dress; she presses her back to the doorpost and streams down it only to rise again. It seems like she doesn’t notice him and Lemony at all, although a stripper probably is supposed to… maintain the contact with her audience? Remind them that it’s all for them, stroke their ego? Beatrice could just as well be dancing on her own in front of the mirror, so whatever it is that she’s doing seems devoid of play-acting and very intimate, and Bertrand cannot fight the feeling that they’re spying on her and she doesn’t know.    

It is… thrilling.

She undoes her dress with her back turned to them; the zipper gapes open lazily, and after Beatrice frees her arms from the sleeves, the dress falls on the floor. Beatrice steps over the dress – and only then finally looks at them. “And I just wanna make love to you, love to you,” toils away the old record player, yet Bertrand still hears Lemony heave a sigh next to him and squirm on the sheets a little, even though it’s not like he hasn’t seen any of this before – it’s not like Bertrand hasn’t seen any of this before either, actually.      

Fine, they haven’t seen this lingerie set. It makes sense now what Beatrice meant by “everything she’s bought”. All black – stockings with a garter belt, silk panties, and a bra made of translucent lace which, judging by its design (the recurrent necessity to work undercover has broadened Bertrand’s horizons in regard to ladies’ fashion), supports adequately but doesn’t really cover anything. Even from the bed Bertrand still can see her nipples through the twirls of ornaments. That’s all really beautiful, but Bertrand is almost sure that if any other woman was standing in front of him looking like this, some other woman he has never seen in nothing but underwear, never seen without underwear, never held close and never tasted, that wouldn’t have had the same effect upon him. But it is Beatrice standing in front of him and watching him with her shining mischievous eyes and undoubtedly seeing with the naked eye how her little show affects him. Him and Lemony too, Bertrand notices when he turns away from Beatrice for a second and quickly runs his eyes over him.          

Beatrice bends down, swiftly unclasps the strap of one of her shoes, then the other, and kicks them off, careless.    

“Come on,” Bertrand begs in his head, though he doesn’t know for sure what he’s begging for.  

Then she makes her way to him. Perhaps she’s following some plan she has thought out earlier – after all, there’s nothing she enjoys better than coming up with some bizarre and unreasonably elaborated idea and putting it into action; or maybe she’s reading his mind, who knows. In any case, she hardly doubts he’ll guess what he has to do: at some point their ways, which had previously ran in parallel, crossed, and they found out they were great at taking each other’s hints.    

Beatrice detaches her stockings from the garters, takes the belt off, and throws it on the bed – Lemony reaches out to catch it but doesn’t manage to. Beatrice approaches the bed from the side Bertrand is reclining on, and puts her left foot on the bed without a word, her knee bent. For a moment her eyes meet Bertrand’s, and she gives him a barely discernible nod: go on.  

He takes off her stocking very slowly – not because he fears he might tear it but to keep touching her for longer, to run his fingers over her hot skin, to squeeze a little, but not enough to cause any pain. The moments stretch, thicken like honey, and all along Beatrice keeps her eyes on him. She’s got a fresh scratch on her knee – the only thing lacking is a flowery children’s plaster – and she must have shaved her legs either quite a long time ago or just not that carefully, and she’s so familiar and home-like behind all this game of seduction that Bertrand longs to kiss her but he’s not sure he’s allowed to. Frankly, he also longs to do something about the problem that prevents him from concentrating on Beatrice’s performance properly – to take matters into his own hands, so to say – but of that he’s even less sure.  

After he’s finally relieved her from the stocking, his fingers keep stroking her ankle for some seconds more; then he takes his hand away. Beatrice gives him an encouraging smile and moves to the other side of the bed, offering Lemony to take off her other stocking. Snicket turns out to be bolder: he leans down and no, he doesn’t kiss her, he doesn’t dare to, but he presses his forehead to her knee, closing his eyes in rapture. Snicket and his need to worship, literally at times, the people he loves. Bertrand would’ve wondered what that says about his state of mind, but firstly, this is not the most unhealthy need Lemony could have developed after everything he’s been through, and secondly, Bertrand is but a mere mortal and loves the way Lemony nuzzles at his belly before moving down and taking Bertrand’s cock into his mouth.        

“Patience,” Beatrice says when Lemony pulls off her other stocking at last and tentatively reaches out for her again. She’s as turned on as they are: it’s obvious from her voice and the look in her eyes and the way her hardened nipples stand out under the thin lace of her bra although it’s far from cold in the room. She steps back and turns around to go back to the spot by the footboard of the bed – back to her stage – but suddenly stops and notices:  

“You don’t have to suffer though, you know. You just can’t touch me until I let you. But you can touch yourself. In fact, you should,” she smiles playfully, as if drunk. “I want to watch too.”

Bertrand should probably be ashamed of how he makes haste to take his underwear off. He doesn’t manage to, though – a broad hand stops him, suddenly on his crotch.

“If you want to,” Lemony says hoarsely, and if all of this has already felt like too much before, now it is downright unbearable, because he has a voice like melted dark chocolate; had it been tangible, it would have been tempting to dip one’s fingers in it, and then lick them clean. Bertrand looks at him, all flushed, with a ridiculous bedhead caused by their short prelude and the subsequent lying on the pillows, and thinks: does he really believe I’d refuse him?    

“Turn towards me a little,” he orders. “And take off your pants, for crying out loud.”

It must be at that moment that the performance stops being a performance – because they’re not staring at Beatrice non-stop anymore but get sidetracked by each other, and Beatrice isn’t dancing by herself like before but is clearly aware of their presence and watches them just like they watch her. As a matter of fact, she isn’t dancing anymore at all. Her hips still keep swaying but she’s staying at the same spot by the footboard and paying less and less attention to the music – looks like she doesn’t even notice when the song ends, and just keeps on fondling and squeezing her breasts that are still covered by the bra. When she finally takes it off and puts her hands on her breasts again, lifting them and letting them fall, licking her fingers and rubbing her hard nipples, Lemony lets out a deep moan and jerks up his hips. He won’t last long because Bertrand knows how to touch him, heavy and hot and aroused to the limit; because Lemony’s breathing raggedly, and although he’s trying not to miss Beatrice’s single movement, he keeps closing his eyes time and again in bliss and agony. He gets out of step over and over again and his hand slides off Bertrand’s cock and he loosens his grip when he shouldn’t. Just as much enthusiasm, but less skill. Not his forte; Bertrand knows for sure that if Lemony was sucking him off right now, he wouldn’t last long himself. For a moment he imagines what it would have been like, thrusting into Lemony’s hot capable mouth while watching Beatrice, who has climbed onto the bed right beside them, caress herself through her panties and move in a way that makes her breasts bounce as if he’s making love to her now and she’s riding him – and nearly comes on the instant.          

Lemony finishes first. Bertrand doesn’t notice what he’s wiping his hands on: the sheets or his own clothes or that new silvery shawl that must be still knocking around somewhere on the bed. It is probably important but right now he cannot recognize that. What is really important is to kiss him, and Bertrand kisses Lemony first on the lips – he’s so stunned by pleasure that he can just barely kiss back – and then on his sweaty forehead, right by the hairline, hastily breathing in the intoxicating, familiar smell of his hair.

Bertrand moves aside from him and turns to face Beatrice again, set upon using his own hands to finish what Lemony started – and gets hit in the face with the silk panties. He picks them up and reflexively puts them to his face: soaked through.  

Beatrice pulls her wet, slicked fingers out of herself and extends her hand to him.

She told them they can’t touch her until she lets them.

Now he can.

Bertrand sucks her fingers into his mouth, swallows their salty taste, grabs his cock – and finally lets himself go, and the world around him explodes with unknown colours, and Beatrice takes her fingers out of his mouth when he moans.  

“You’re both so…” he hears her say, as though from afar, her voice slightly surprised and tender. When she drives herself to her orgasm with a few confident touches, her other hand keeps hold of the only part of her outfit she’s still wearing: their pearl necklace.    

Then she collapses on the pillows between them, and the three of them lie side by side for a little while, trying to catch their breath. Bertrand is the first to recover himself; he gets off the bed despite Beatrice’s groan of protest, makes it to the bathroom, pours water on the first towel he gets his hands on, and wipes himself with it. Having thrown the towel into the bathtub, he takes another one from the hanger and wets it under the tap, then brings it into the room and drops it on Lemony’s belly. Lemony flinches.

“Clean up,” Bertrand tells him, climbs back onto the bed, and puts his arm around Beatrice’s waist. “You’re going to mess up the sheets.”

“I admire your ability to remain sober-minded in any situation,” Lemony murmurs as he cleans himself.

“I admire your ability to use such fancy language in any situation,” Bertrand says. Beatrice giggles.

“I think,” she props herself up on one elbow and moves closer to Lemony, “he’d use such language even if woken up at three in the morning.”  

“Please don’t try to check if it’s true,” Lemony says, and Beatrice kisses him on one cheek and then on the other and then on the mouth, and Bertrand’s heart aches with tenderness a little when he watches them, but not with jealousy, no.  

Beatrice turns back to him and takes his face into her hands.

“Always thinking about something. Can’t stop for a second, can you?” she asks, affectionate. “What is it about this time?”

“Just the two of you,” Bertrand says.

This time he’s actually telling the truth.

#asoue #a series of unfortunate events #bertrand baudelaire #beatrice baudelaire #lemony snicket #lemonberry ice #snicketverse #i am a gen writer so i am sorry in advance #my fic #gella talks snicketverse

[fyrapartnersearch]

So it is written

Hello and good day.

This will be probably my last post on FYRA for a longer period of time. But I hope to find at least one who would share my interest. Anyways back with a new request! This one will be more specific as it only targets one certain fandom. I have had plenty of amazing original roleplays in the past, but now my desire is slowly favoring canon universes once again. It makes character building (in my opinion) also a greater challenge which I also quite enjoy to be honest. I have a strong penchant for including original characters and ideas that can be added to the pre-existing plot. Also very happy to expand on the given worlds and open to AU’s. Okay so I am a really big nerd when it comes to the supernatural, mysterious, urban myth and fantasy. Love combining those given elements with organized crime, complex characters, cataclysmic events and dark schemes that all unravels as time goes on. 

Just so you know, a little about me.

You must be at least 18+ of age when you want to start original roleplay with this gal here. As I am in my twenties, I prefer maturer partners. I accept anyone, regardless if they are male or female. What I expect is a decent (if not very good) grasp on grammar, the ability and will to write creatively, shoulder a great part of the plotting and responsibility as well as passion for roleplaying. Of course this should be seen as a fun hobby but I really like to invest… I wish for my partner / friend to take equal initiative. 
 Here are my cravings and guidelines! Even though they are only limited to a few, I made sure to filter out the ones I know I wouldn’t role-play anytime soon. So if you are interested in something I didn't mention here, I am afraid I have to decline. Sorry. 

Btw, call me Gil ;) 
 The roleplay I have been wanting to do for such a long time is none other than Devil May Cry. 
Replaying the game brought back some really good and nostalgic feels - but the latest game one was one of the best in my opinion. Such creativity, especially with urban mythology, monsters and other interesting elements. Hence why this game is right up my alley and one of my favourites of all time. If this does not interest you as much, I am also keen on roleplaying Castlevania or next gen Harry Potter! But my main interest still remains with DMC, just so you know. :) 
What it entails:


Alright, so you are writing with some of mature age. I have 11 years of writing experience when it comes to the game. This will be a fair warning that this request is not for the faint of heart. There will be violence, swearing, gore, intimate scenes, uncomfortable subjects, drama, conflict and other dark themes included within the story. I have few limits but I will respect the boundaries of my partner, so do not shy away from telling me. Just so you know, I won’t fade to black or skip out on the nitty gritty. Go big or go home. Interests: My line of interests are very dynamic when it comes to genres. I love conceiving my own lore inside a stories, be it an original or a pre-existing story. Gothic fantasy among others are one of my favourites. I am not opposed to tapping into some science fiction, action, romance, crime, action or thriller genres, in fact I encourage it. Inspirations for me are Lovecraft, Hellsing, Blade, Underworld, etc. As for the fandom inspired RPs, I am more than willing to bend some rules and be a little indulgent. Writing: 3rd person perspective. My writing is wide-ranging and flexible, which means that frequently, word count will go up 1000+ per reply - though it highly depends on the given situation and partner. Quality over quantity as they say - but why not both? I love detail in description, and I am actively seeking someone of the same infamy. My partner should have a basic grasp on grammar, punctuation and somewhat of an interest in knowledgeable writing. I also double! (preferably, but we can always discuss whether it makes sense for our roleplay our not.) World building and sharing the burden: You should be active and help me shape the world around our characters. Even if we discuss many things during and before the roleplay, how we wish for things to play out and take its course, I am always happy to be surprised with a secret of my partner’s character I didn’t know before. You don’t need to lay out all your cards on the table… keep it a little mysterious and suspenseful. Just enough so we can work with the ideas, but not completely kill off the suspense. Characters: I write canon as well as OC characters. Faceclaims, GIFs, drawings, mood boards or just a plain physical description is absolutely sufficient. Whatever floats your boat when it comes to visualising your character and their backstory, I’m on board. Characters should be written as opulent, flawed, unique, talented, heroic, villainous, spiteful, angry, and everything in-between figures. In other words, don’t be scared of making them ‘human’, even when they are non-human. Romance: Openly play and accept characters of both genders, preferable m x f pairings, but I am open to m x m and f x f relationships as well. I have more experience with m x f relationships, so I might be more adept with this one. If the chemistry of two characters compel me, I will ship them no matter what! When it comes to sexual scenarios and intimacy (intercourse, foreplay, all that jazz). I encourage eroticism, but always in a tasteful, sensual manner (that goes for romance as well). The passion must be felt through the screen, even if it’s just a mere description of someone’s deep train of thought. Content: Drama, violence, sex, metamorphosis, symbolism, action, romance, pretty much everything is a-okay. I am unbothered by certain subjects that may or may not be uncomfortable for the general public. Roleplays are fictional stories and we best keep viewing them as such. If there are things you are uncomfortable with, name them and I shall respect those boundaries. But don’t be surprised when suddenly one of our characters bites the dust, or gets tortured. It may be difficult to write and read, but it is all part of the story and furthering the plot. My roleplays imply and involve brutality, mayhem, psychological and physical torture as well as other things. But I also endorse beauty, serenity and placid moments, scenes or characters. I love it when it comes full circle… everyone- and everything has a beautiful and hideous side. Both should be embraced like Yin and Yang. Communication and friendship: OOC-chat friendly! I love meeting new people and making friends. Plus it strengthens the compatibility between us. Communication is the alpha and the omega. If there is anything that bothers you, or if you think you are left out in some way (be it a mistake on my part or we’re both at fault here), don’t be scared to tell me. Really, it won’t be taken personally - since I know that we slip up every now and then, we’re only human after all. It is also completely sufficient if you only type out a few messages per week. I am super chill about it. It doesn’t bother me re-writing a scene to fit the narrative more. If there are mistakes, they can be corrected - just to get that out there. We can always exchange opinions and see what would benefit the story most. I will also voice my opinion should something arise that could be bothersome. Partnership: An active roleplayer is wanted without a doubt. Can’t do the thinking for two now. Let’s row this boat together Limits: Subject matters I avoid are pedophilia, bestiality, necrophilia, vore, scat, furries and various other bizarre fetishes. Also no one-liners or text-talk messages. The sentences have to be cohesive, coherent and decently structured. 
 
Now a little more information about myself.

I live in CET central Europe. My response rate varies throughout the weeks, depending on my schedule. 
I study at a university full time and work a job on the side and both are keeping me fairly busy. My writing will increase most likely during the weekends. If I should hit a hiatus, I will let you know as soon as possible. I understand when you are busy as well and won’t be able to respond, though I prefer if my partner does not ghost me. At least let me know what’s going on so I can adjust and put the roleplay on hold if needed! 
Mediums I roleplay on are email and googledocs. Though I also have Discord in case for OOC chat! 

I prefer if my partner messages me first on email, giving me a brief description of themselves, their cravings as well as ideas. That way I can see if we’re compatible and if it bears any potential. 

Message me here: EMAIL: [email protected] Hope to hear from you soon! Lots of love!





Yours sincerely,

-Gil

#indie rp #independent roleplay #oc rp #multiple paragraph #para #long term #email #tumblr #aou rp #submission