#thinking about how he stops. he stops after jenny dies. he's just done | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

breesays · 2 years

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The trouble is, you think you have time

I don't usually blog about the mundane minutiae of my day to day life (unless you remember that Motherhood Minutes blog) but today was just... a lot. I think I need to unload it.

Last night the fireworks woke Desmond up (at 10pm) and he was basically unable to go back to sleep until 1am. Tim was angry about it. I was annoyed he was angry and also a little nauseous because when it was determined Des would "sleep" in our bed until the fireworks were done, I took an Advil PM. It never took effect like it was supposed to, as I was alternating from big spoon on toddler bed to glider chair to kitchen for applesauce packets. When he wailed at 5AM I begged Tim to tap in. We all felt wrecked this morning.

Our brand new downstairs neighbor knocked on our door at 8AM while Tim was taking Des to school. He asked if we could WALK SOFTER. In a very polite way, but they've only been there A NIGHT and it was 4th of July. I smiled and nodded and asked for specifics (he gave none) and then drafted an email to our landlords after he left because it's really concerning that they complained after ONE night. I've been a downstairs neighbor more than half my life, and I think we are very considerate. We never heard so much as a peep from the previous tenants. I understand where they're coming from because we lived below an AirBnB rental for 4 years but it also had me fuming because we're just living, man. We don't wear shoes in the house and I give Des as many balloons as his heart desires so that he doesn't bounce any balls indoors.

Tim was laid off from his FT job on Friday so my normally completely silent working morning was punctuated with business calls - cold calls - and I already hate phone calls in general but I was nervous for HIM. And him landing a good gig (yay) consequently meant that some of my plans for the rest of July were... now unstable. C'est la vie.

During dinner I got a call from my Stepmom. She never calls so I was worried the instant her name popped up on my phone. Her sister died. Maru. Unexpectedly. Suddenly. I was so gutted. Maru was a part of our lives when we were little, she lived with my Dad and Lita when they first moved here from Mexico. She was so good with kids (us) that I remember insensitively asking my Dad once if he was sure he married the right sister. I remember leading "english class" for her and Lita and I think their brother Hector. All my memories of her are warm and comforting. Me watching her write letters to her friends and family in Mexico. She told us her American name was "Jenny" but she was definitely a Maru. Was. Fuck. It stabbed me right through the heart to hear my Stepmom cry. She said it was like a dream, not real. I wanted to run to OC and hug her. How completely tragic to learn your sister was taken away from you. It's not my tragedy but I still needed to know what happened. At least we know she didn't suffer. Rest in peace, Maru.

I'm reading a book called "How To Stop Time" by Matt Haig, and it's an interesting perspective for someone (me) who has been kind of distressing over how I'm going to read all the books I want to read write all the blogs I wanna write see all the things I wanna see hear all the music I wanna hear pet all the cats I wanna let watch Desmond grow and experience things and also write about THAT. I wanna travel I want to teach I want to nap on exotic beaches. We don't have enough time.

I've been trying to appreciate situations for what they are and not what I want them to be.

The other day after an activity-packed day, Desmond wanted to talk. It was past his bedtime. I asked, "What was your favorite thing about today?" He paused, then said, "This, mama."

Alive.

#breesays #day in the life #parenting #tw greif

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poeticmindsemporium · 2 months

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The Weir

Down the lane, not far from home

A place where many children roam

There is a house that stands alone

Built in wonderful Dorset stone

By the side a river runs by

Winding, flowing, water level quite high

A footpath winds along by its side

Although the river is quite wide

On a bend, next to the house, a weir

Gushes water, fairly near

To the footpath where the children walk

Sometimes forgetful as they talk

Little Jenny Mayweather, just our years old

Walking with her mum, wrapped up warm against the cold

Was skipping and dancing near the river behind a hedge

And approached the weir too near the edge

Tripped and fell over the side

Her Mum screaming realising she may have died

Taken by the water, at this point, a gushing, raging pool

But just by chance Tommy Blenkinsopp , on his way home from school

Heard the screams and ran, hearing Jenny’s name

To the point from whence the sound came

Seeing the girl going under the water for the last time

Raced to the edge and dived straight in, double quick time

With no thought to his own safety at all

He went under the water, like a cannon ball

Hearing the screams further help came and found

Mum shouting, she’s in the water, my god she’s drowned

As onlookers waited with baited breath on the bank

May realising what had happened their hearts sank

But just then Tommy surfaced with little Jenny under his arm

As the police arrived, someone had raised the alarm

Though not moving, she was saved by Tommy’s selfless act

Lucky for Jenny, he was the first to react

As they were dragged from the weir everyone cheered

As Jenny opened her eyes coughing and spluttering

Tommy walked away under his breath just muttering

About how stupid it was to walk by the weir

That someone would fall in was people’s greatest fear

Jenny’s mum looked round to thank Tommy Blenkinsopp

But he had walked away down to the village shop

Where his mum and dad ran the store

And soaking wet walked through the door

His mum went mad, what have you done

Thinking he had got soaked out having fun

Just then P C Jones walked through the door

As his Mum and Dad gave him what for

NO, No said P C Jones, he saved the day

Lucky for little Jenny he had walked home that way

Everyone by now had reached the door

And little Jenny stood in the door

A big smile upon her face

And cheers rang out all over the place

A life was saved thanks to Tommy’s brave act

And Jenny’s mum was thankful that’s a fact

So now there’s a fence along the pathway

To stop anything like this happening another day

And Tommy and Jenny, well guess what happened in later years

They fell in love, were married, many of the guests in tears

Because they remembered the day that Jenny nearly drowned

And how lucky it was Tommy was around

They lived happy ever after and that’s a fact

Just shows what can happen if you react

Quickly to any given incident

And forward thinking can prevent

Accidents from happening, like the message this one is sending

So always keep this thought in mind, not always is there a happy ending

#Poetry

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reddeadreference · 1 year

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Horseshoe Overlook: Exit Pursued by a Bruised Ego

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Full Transcript below ([...] placed where a gap of silence is for the same person speaking or when there’s a long period of silence and distance traveled.)

[Hosea calls out to Arthur from where he’s sitting on a rock cleaning a large rifle.]

Hosea: Hey, Arthur!

Arthur: Hosea.

Hosea: You wanna go hunting?

Arthur: (As Hosea hands him the rifle) )What are you hunting? An elephant?

Hosea: I wish. No, I saw a huge bear. One of the biggest I ever saw. I reckon nearly a thousand pounds.

Arthur: My god. What, you need me to come with you?

Hosea: Of course. Let’s go.

Arthur: Well, where are we heading exactly?

Hosea: Up near the Dakota River. Might take a day or two.

Arthur: I could do with a break from this place.

Hosea: Oh, me too. It’s been a rough couple of weeks. You need anything?

Arthur: I don’t think so, I got all I need.

Hosea: Let’s go then.

[The two walk over to where the horses are hitched.]

Hosea:So, you still ain’t replaced Boadicea?

Arthur: Nah. I miss her, she was quite a horse. This one’s okay but… ain’t no Boadicea.

Hosea: I been meaning to offload this big shire horse for a while now. Unruly bastard!

Arthur: Where’d you get him?

Hosea: Some big, loud-mouthed bastard tried to rob me when I was out riding so I… well, you know how it is.

Arthur: I see.

Hosea: Let’s take him to Valentine. It’s on the way, sort of. There’s a decent dealer there. We’ll unload him, you can buy yourself a new horse. Put your saddle on him, let’s get going.

Arthur: Okay, but I do kind of like this horse.

[Arthur unsaddles his current horse]

Hosea: There’s nothing wrong with two horses. And the stables always have the best ones.

Arthur: (to Hosea) I guess you’re right. (to the horse as he puts the saddle on it) Let’s get this on right, boy.

=Version 1=

Hosea: This is gonna be fun, Arthur.

Arthur: He won’t throw me?

Hosea: No, he’s an angel… if I’m near him…

Arthur: Nasty little look in his eyes.

Hosea: Don’t be rude about this magnificent creature.

Arthur: (to the horse) Easy, big feller.

Hosea: Alright, let’s head into town.

=Version 2= (No idea what makes one happen over the other.)

Hosea: Okay, see if you can get your leg over that brute.

Arthur: (to the horse) Easy, big feller.

=After “Americans at Rest”=

Hosea: No bar fights, please. I heard about that.

Arthur: I’ll do my best.

[The two leave camp]

Hosea: (shouting to camp) We’re heading out. Might be gone a couple of days. (to Arthur) They got a good range of horse tack at the Valentine stables. Some beautiful saddles… I used to have a real nice one.

Arthur: Yeah, what happened to that?

Hosea: Got stolen outside that saloon in Deer Creek.

Arthur: Oh I remember now, just about. That turned into a long day.

Hosea: Yes, remember? Mac went crazy, threatened to kill the whole town. And Davey was passed out so cold we left him there, came back in the next day and he woke up, started right back drinking again.

[the two chuckle]

Arthur: I miss those boys.

Hosea: Jenny too. She had some spark, that girl.

Arthur: It must be pretty hard on Lenny, you could tell he was sweet on her.

Hosea: Well, Lenny and Jenny could never have worked. That’s like Arthur and Martha, Or Bill and Phil.

Arthur: Maybe you’re right… Does feel a bit like our luck died with them, too.

Hosea: Nonsense. We’ll be alright. Just need some money to get back on our feet.

Arthur: I hope so. You and a way to offload those Cornwall bonds yet?

Hosea: Not yet. They’re still very hot. Need to be done right. I have a couple of leads I’m looking into.

[the horse Arthur is on begins to get agitated]

Hosea: Don’t let that big bastard get the better of you there, Arthur.

Arthur: He’s alright.

Hosea: Stables are just up ahead.

[the two stop outside the stables]

Hosea: Alright, go sell that big brute and… buy yourself a horse.

Arthur: Okay.

Hosea: I’m going off to the general store… get a few things to lure that bear out with… Meet you back here in a bit.

[Arthur enters the stables and dismounts the horse]

Shopkeeper: Hey, how can I help you?

Arthur: I’m in the market for a new horse. Something strong and fast.

Shopkeeper: Well, you’re in the right place… I’ve got some beauties in at the moment. (he whistles to a stablehand) Yeah… and what about this one here? You looking to sell?

Arthur: I ain’t sure yet.

Shopkeeper: You got papers?

Arthur: No, no papers.

Shopkeeper: Well, of course, that’s gonna affect what I can pay but your lucks in. I got a feller who’s been looking for a decent workhorse like this for a while. He’ll pay a good price. Otherwise, I can always stable him here for you. Here, take a look.

Shopkeeper: Alright, partner… you got yourself a deal… and a fine new horse.

Arthur: I hope so.

Shopkeeper: Well, I don’t sell anything other than good animals. You have my word on that. Alright let’s see… here are your papers… and on me, a new grooming brush and some treats.

Arthur: Appreciate it.

Shopkeeper: (to the horse) Alright you… you treat this feller well… I know he’s gonna look after you just fine.

(Depending on which horse you get, Hosea makes different comments)

=$15 Morgan=

Hosea: Interesting choice. How much did you pay for that thing?

Arthur: Not that much.

Hosea: Okay, well… with some good care, you should be able to make something of it.

=$150 American Standardbred=

(The following two lines were kept in because the video shows the horse)

Shopkeeper: Alright, partner… you got yourself a deal… and a fine new horse.

Arthur: I hope so.

(Skips to Arthur leading the horse out of the stables)

Hosea: Not bad, Arthur. You happy?

Arthur: I guess we’ll see.

=$450 Dutch Warmblood=

(The following two lines were kept in because the video shows the horse)

Shopkeeper: Alright, partner… you got yourself a deal… and a fine new horse.

Arthur: I hope so.

(Skips to Arthur leading the horse out of the stables)

Hosea: Looks like a nice animal you got there. You happy?

Arthur: Guess we’ll see.

Hosea: Alright, let’s get going. We got quite a ride ahead of us.

Arthur: Lead the way. So… what’s this lake we’re heading for?

Hosea: It’s called O’Creagh’s Run, up in the mountains east of Cumberland Falls. I just hope I can remember how to get there.

Arthur: Back into the mountains, I sure didn’t figure on that.

Hosea: But this time we’re doing the chasing… So how are things with you and John?

Arthur: Fine.

Hosea: Ain’t it about time you let it go now?

Arthur: It was a year, Hosea. He ditched us for a goddamn year.

Hosea: I’ve spoken to him many times… he knows he did wrong… he just wants to put it behind him.

Arthur: I’m sure he does. Running off on that kid is one thing, but there’s a code, and he knows that. He ain’t Trelawny. Dutch and you pretty much raised him.

Hosea: I know… but it’s done, has been for a while now.

Arthur: (sighs) Nobody else would have been welcomed back that easy after that long, and you know it.

Hosea: Maybe. But please don’t you put that to the test.

(Note: Arthur responds with “I never would” but the cutscene cuts him off)

[Between Hosea’s lines there’s shots of the two riding and scenic shots of the area)

Hosea: Okay, I think we need to head right up here. [...] Yes… I remember this place… Moonstone Pond. We’re going the right way. [...] That’s the lake there. Good, we made it. Let’s loop around the other side.

=Ask about Sean? - Before “Americans At Rest”=

Arthur: So what do you think about Sean? You reckon he’s alright?

Hosea: Who knows, I sure hope so, but it’s been a while now… somebody said he got knocked out in Blackwater?

Arthur: Yeah, I just don’t know if he was picked up, or picked off.

Hosea: Or got away. If there’s one thing Sean Macguire’s good at, it’s wriggling outta things.

Arthur: Yeah, guess we don’t know nothing till we know.

=Ask about Sean? - After “Americans At Rest”=

Arthur: I should really be heading back over to Great Plains to see about Sean.

Hosea: It’s bounty hunters who’ve got him?

Arthur: So Trelawny says… Javier and Charles have gone with him to scope it out.

Hosea: Pretty dangerous going anywhere near Blackwater.

Arthur: Right… but, if he’s alive, we gotta try.

Hosea: Of course.

=Ask about Sean? - After “The First Shall Be The Last”=

Arthur: Well at least Sean made it back.

Hosea: And how he’s enjoyed his hero’s return.

Arthur: He’ll be celebrating a month from now.

Hosea: So how bad was it, Blackwater, I mean?

Arthur: Pretty bad. Swarming with Pinkertons. No way we’re getting back in there any time soon.

Hosea: Well let’s just hope they don’t find that money.

=Ask about Micah? - At any point=

Arthur: Where you think Micah and Lenny got to? Susan sent them out scouting, but I figured they’d be back by now.

Hosea: I have no idea. I hope they weren’t picked up.

Arthur: Why she sent Micah, I don’t know.

Hosea: He’s effective, in his own way. And Lenny’s got a good head on his shoulders.

Arthur: Shouldn’t have taken them this long.

Hosea: No, but no point in thinking the worst.

Hosea: Look there, rabbits. Maybe we should catch one to cook.

Arthur: Sure, I’ll try and shoot one.

Hosea: You don’t want to use anything too powerful on a small animal like that. You’ll just ruin the meat. Best thing’s a bow or a .22 caliber varmint rifle.

Arthur: I have hunted rabbits before, you know.

Hosea: Yes, and obliterated them with a shotgun, if I remember right.

[Arthur shoots a rabbit with a bow and arrow]

Arthur: Got one!

[Arthur gets the rabbit and brings it back up the hill to Hosea)

Hosea: Good job. [...] Alright… it’s getting late. Reckon we should camp here…

Arthur: Sure.

Hosea: Well then, you get us set up.

[Scene fades to night where the two are by a campfire.]

Arthur: I’m famished.

Hosea: Cook that rabbit then. They’re… delicious on an open fire like this.

Arthur: Fine by me. [...]

=if you don’t cook right away=

Hosea: Go on then, I thought you said you were famished?

[Arthur cooks the meat over the fire]

Arthur:You want some of this?

Hosea: No, I’m fine, I don’t like eating this late.

Arthur: Okay, after all that…

Hosea: Alright… well… we better get some rest. I wanna be up at first light to find this monster.

=If you don’t sleep right away=

Hosea: Sleep well, Arthur.

Arthur: He better be worth all this drama.

[The next morning.]

Hosea: Morning, Arthur. You ready?

Arthur: Gimme a minute.

Hosea: Coffee?

Arthur: Sure.

Hosea: There you go.

Arthur: So… what’s your plan?

Hosea: Well… we’ll see if we can track him, but we might need to lay bait to draw him out. Bears like fish, obviously, but they also have a sweet tooth. A lot of fellers bait then shoot from the trees, but I prefer to hunt on the ground. More dangerous, but we’ll have a much better chance of getting a good shot in and if he bolts we can start right off after him. (he holds out two things to Arthur) Can you mix up this bait for me while I finish packing us up? Fish, berries. Tie it up in that rag when you’re done.

Arthur: I hope you know what you’re talking about.

Hosea: I grew up in the mountains, Arthur… I was virtually weaned on bear meat.

Arthur: Okay, I think I got this done.

Hosea: Good… Pack up and we’ll get going.

=If you wait=

Hosea: Come on, grab your stuff and let’s go

Hosea: Okay, let’s go.

[the two mount up]

Hosea:We’ll try our luck down by the water, that’s where I saw him last. How’s that horse treating you?

Arthur: So far, so good.

Hosea: You know, I was in this area with Bessie, years ago.

Arthur: Really? I didn’t know that. I imagine you still miss her.

Hosea: Every day.

Arthur: Did you two ever think about getting out of the life?

Hosea: We did briefly, you don’t remember? Guess you were still young. Didn’t last long. I drifted back into it. She understood… she knew what I was.

Arthur: I remember you not being around for a while, but things were looser back then.

Hosea: Truth is, there’s never really any getting out, and staying in… it’s hard, you know that, but Bessie and I made it work. Why, you thinking about getting out?

Arthur: Me? No, of course not.

Hosea: Listen, if Dutch’s grand plans work, and we can make enough money to go some place new, really new, maybe we can all have a new start. Anyway, for now, let’s try and chase ourselves a bear, shall we? Let’s look by the water here, see if he’s been fishing again recently. [...] Look for tracks, dung, bones… any sign of him.

(Hosea will just pace the area if you don’t find the clue)

Arthur: There’s some paw marks here, Hosea, they sure look big enough.

Hosea: Good, let’s hope it’s him. Can you tell which way he went?

Arthur: This way. (Arthur follows the trail) [...] The tracks go into those trees. [...] Wait a minute… there’s something on the ground here.

Hosea: Half eaten fish here… must have been left by our friend, I reckon.

Arthur: Come on, let’s see if there’s anything else. [...] Something else on the ground just here. Bear shit here, watch your step.

Hosea: Looks real fresh. Reckon he’s gotta be close.

Arthur: Let’s keep going. [...] Damn it looks like the trail ends here.

(gameplay switches to a cutscene)

Arthur: We lost him?

Hosea: For now… a little optimism, Arthur.

Arthur: Well… what do you think?

Hosea: I think we split up and each look.

Arthur: Either that or… we could place bait here.

Hosea: That could work… which you think?

=Use Bait=

Arthur: Let’s bait here.

Hosea: Fine by me. Let’s leave the bag over there. By those boulders up ahead looks like a good spot for it.

[The two walk over to the spot and Arthur puts out the bait]

Hosea: Now we wait.

Arthur: A thousand pounds, you say?

Hosea: More or less. Big scar down his face. Hey, did that bait look okay to you?

Arthur: I think so… you’re the expert.

Hosea: Ready with your gun there?

Arthur: I’m good. You okay? You seem nervous.

Hosea: So do you. I’m fine. [...] Let;s just take a look at that bait…

[Hosea gets up and walks over, Arthur follows]

Arthur: Sure…

Hosea: Come on.

Arthur: We only just set it, Hosea.

Hosea: I know, but we need to do this right. [...] Give me a hand here. Got your knife?

[The bear quickly approaches]

Hosea: Shit… Easy… No, it’s too close.

[Arthur shoots at and scares the bear away]

Hosea: Arthur?

Arthur: You’re fine, old man.

=Split up=

Arthur: Let’s split up.

Hosea: Okay… I’ll head this way… you head down that track.

[The two splits up to look. Arthur finds a clue then hears Hosea fire off a shot]

Hosea: Arthur! Help! (shooting) Stay back! (to Arthur) Arthur!

[The scene switches to a cutscene of Hosea running from the bear]

Hosea: Shoot that thing, please! Look out!

[Arthur shoots the bear several times and it runs away.]

Hosea: Over here, Arthur.

Arthur: You’re fine, old man.

Hosea: Of course, I’m fine, it’s… it’s nothing… nothing at all.

[Arthur helps him up and Hosea whistles for the horses]

Arthur: Thank you… I think. That was fun.

Hosea: You know what, Arthur Morgan? I’m a little old and beaten up to be after the biggest game. You can have this.

Arthur: What is it?

Hosea: It’s a map. A man in a bar gave it to me, well I stole it from him but that’s another story. He said it-it told him where to find some real big animals.

Arthur: Thank you.

Hosea: It’s a pleasure. You saved my life, Arthur. I think I’m going back to camp to lick my wounds. You coming, or… you gonna track that monster? Well?

=Stay=

Arthur: I’m gonna stick around here for a while.

Hosea: I’ll see you back at camp?

[He leaves on his horse]

=Go with Hosea=

Arthur: I’m coming with you.

Hosea: Let’s get going then.

[They ride off and the scene fades to black then to the two arriving back at camp]

Arthur: Let’s see if Dutch gives us any crap about disappearing like that. I don’t need anything “we gotta be out there making money” speech.

Hosea: We were just out scoping a lead… he doesn’t need to know it was a big furry one. Well, thanks, Arthur. I probably owe you one.

Arthur: Don’t worry about it.

Hosea: I need to head out to Emerald Ranch soon, look into something.

Arthur: See you later.

#red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 #hosea mathews #arthur morgan #rdr2 cutscenes #rdr2 transcript

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codenamebooks · 2 years

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It's Not Summer Without You Book Review

(Summer #2) by Jenny Han | ⭑⭑⭑⭑⭑ | Goodreads | CW: grief | Series and Plot Spoilers

We continue Belly's summer vacations but this time without Susannah, summer house, and Beck's boys. We recount the month's since Susannah's sickness got worse and the tumultuous path of Belly's relationship with Conrad. Then Jeremiah calls and says that Conrad left summer school and he needs Belly's help finding him.

Review below the cut!

I had a question right off the bat: What is it with sequels suddenly switching to multiple point of views? I understand that there's more story to tell and that it helps progress the plot but it annoys me because it's not consistent. This one wasn't... terrible, since we got to know Beck's boys a whole lot more and maybe couldn't have done that without Jeremiah's POV, but I'm sure Jenny Han could have come up with a way to do so without having four random chapters through his eyes.

Thinking about point of view though, I really enjoyed how the timeline worked for this second book. Going back and forth to before Susannah died and the present and the in-between was chef's kiss. It really made the tension between Belly and Conrad strong and Jeremiah's stakes in disliking his brother and wanting to help Belly despite himself very clear.

There was one thing I was for sure of during the entire book: I really hate Taylor. Every other character, if they did something annoying, I flip-flopped around how much they were driving me crazy, but with Taylor it was consistent. This was amplified by the fact that Belly kept pushing the narrative that Taylor is a good best friend and overlooks every single problem––things that she knows are problems! I was going to be very disappointed if nothing was done about it by the end of the novel but luckily it was.

As far as the other characters go, I was pissed off at Belly about 75% of the book. I'm aware that this is largely due to her being the main character, but a significant amount of yelling at her through the page was done. I hate to say that I had to agree with Conrad calling her a child. She never once learned how to stop talking, to put it kindly. Every problem that she whined about was her own fault. Conrad was so close, so many times, to being honest with her and confessing his love or whatever and she ruined it every time by being impatient and immature. I wanted to hear what he was going to say but couldn't. I know she's young, and that the small age gap is important to this story, but I was mad at her more often than not so I had to say something. I even peg her as an unreliable narrator because she lied to everyone to the reader about her relationship with Conrad and I, at first, couldn't understand why he was so out of it. I'll have to admit, that she is just like me because she ruins everything with these unrealistic expectations and can't handle reality. So I did give her some grace.

Despite all of that, I have to acknowledge that I can only feel this way about Belly because she's such a well-crafted main character. Every fuck up that she does moves the plot forward and we feel things as we read based on those actions. I probably experienced every emotion under the sun for this stupid yet so important teenage drama; grief, relief, happiness, sadness, apprehension, joy, hatred, fondness, and more.

At one point I forgot that the book was released in 2012 and almost became upset with Jenny Han. The gender norms are through the roof, especially for a high school setting. Belly insulting Taylor for having a boyfriend that shaved his legs was so icky. I am glad, though, that it hurt Taylor's feelings despite myself.

To bring up Jeremiah for a moment, I was really disappointed with him and Belly at the end. Neither of them were innocent and I was heartbroken for Conrad. Conrad seriously means so much to me after this book because we got to see his real personality and efforts and angst. I love him so much so, that when Belly and Jeremiah kissed, I punched my pillow in frustration because why would they do that to him.

At the end of the day, I adored this book, which is why I wrote so much about it. If you also loved the first book, you should continue to read the series. If you like love triangles, you should read this book. If you enjoy explorations into close family-tied relationships, you should read this book (because I didn't even get into how the parents contributed to the plot, which was a very important through line. The fight between the boy's father and Belly's mom? Chef's kiss).

#it's not summer without you #jenny han #summer trilogy #book review #5 stars #goodreads #romance #young adult #contemporary #fiction #womens fiction #chick lit #realistic fiction #young adult contemporary #young adult romance #paperback #teen

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gorogues · 3 years

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Spoilers for this week’s episode of Stargirl!

Most of this episode takes place in the Shadowlands, and a lot happens. The realm is basically where all the negative emotions of humanity have gathered, and it's where Eclipso was born and the source of his power. It's also the place from which the Shade draws his powers, so clearly his abilities have some connection to negativity -- it's possible that even influences his behaviour, but as we see in this episode, "he's complicated".

Courtney wakes up in a creepy version of Blue Valley, which is actually something like Purgatory and confronts you with all your failings, self-doubt, and fears. She meets up with facsimilies of the Zaricks, who she couldn't save in first season, as well as the second and third Fiddlers. But the Cindy she meets is real, as is the original Dr Mid-Nite. Cindy gets dragged away into her own personal nightmare, but McNider shows her how the Shadowlands truly are via his goggles, and they're that same misty hellscape we've seen him in before. And horribly, when he takes off the goggles briefly he's tormented by the voice of his dead daughter Rebecca.

However, McNider thinks the Shade will help them to escape, noting that he's a complicated person. Apparently he went to the McNiders' house after Rebecca was killed and expressed remorse for not having done anything about Eclipso earlier, and they bonded over some booze and became friends of a sort. So it does seem that the Shade's unhappiness about what happened to her was genuine, and he really did want to stop Eclipso. McNider still believes that Shade was trying to save him from the ISA when he dumped him in the Shadowlands, and is clearly not angry at him. He tells Beth that Courtney's alive when she next connects with him via the goggles, so the people in the real world go in search of the Shade to help.

They find Richard sitting alone in a movie theatre, as apparently his healing last episode wasn't complete because the black diamond was destroyed again. He has to sit in the dark to preserve his power. He tells Barbara that his harming Courtney last episode "wasn't personal", but she's had enough of his bullshit. They tell him that McNider is alive and trapped in the Shadowlands, which genuinely seems to shock him, and Barbara angrily demands that he open the doorway or just kill her because she doesn't want to live without her daughter. He acquiesces, saying she really does remind him of his sister, so it seems that part was truthful too.

He opens the doorway, but Courtney says she won't leave without rescuing Cindy first. Having to hold open the door for so long takes an obvious physical toll on the Shade, but all three manage to escape after some time spent mucking with Eclipso. Shade collapses after they're free and asks Barbara to tell everyone that he died doing something good...at which point he dies, and turns into dissipating shadows.

Or so it seems. I don’t believe he's dead, particularly because we saw two signals of the Shade when Jennie used her ring to find him. I'm not sure how there were two; maybe he can split himself in half or perhaps create a simulacrum of himself that the JSA interacted with. It's not clear why he'd want to 'die', but maybe it's to get the JSA off his back or maybe he just loves the excessive drama of a noble death. It might even be to fool Eclipso, although he could be too powerful to fall for that stunt. Regardless, I don't think we've seen the last of the Shade, and hopefully he'll be able to help with the final fight against Eclipso...and maybe even get to hang out with Charles McNider for a while to catch up.

So it was a great episode and I enjoyed it very much. The kid who plays 'Bruce Gordon' is surprisingly creepy and effective as Eclipso, and it was nice to see Courtney overcoming most of the negativity thrown at her to do the right thing and save Cindy. Also good to see McNider back in the real world, and I really hope he doesn't die in the last two episodes -- Beth should stay as Dr Mid-Nite, but it'd be nice to see McNider in an advisory role like Pat or even just enjoy a well-deserved retirement. And of course it was great to see the Shade redeem himself after the last episode, even if he's (probably) still lying to the JSA by (probably) faking his death. But he may have his reasons for it, and at least he helped others instead of harmed. I'm glad to see it.

#the Shade #Eclipso #Stargirl #Dr Mid Nite #Pat Dugan #spoilers: Stargirl #Stargirl TV series #reviews #screencaps

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lunawritingspaceoxoxxx · 3 years

Text

Unresponsive II

Three months

Three

Three months

Y/N thrived in the art world, their first displayed piece expressed the raw feeling of losing a love that was so exciting and heart racing and trying to manage in this bland, cold world. They glanced out towards the concrete jungle, watching people hustle and bustle around; single mothers, business men, ladies of the night, etc. They sighed, walking towards the canvas, rubbing their face as they tried to create anything from this creative funk. They knew this was coming from the trip to the falling out with Jennie, suppressing it until they couldn’t anymore, breaking down from just feeling absolute shit from just everything, they cried for their lost friendship, for Damiano, for everything that they sacrificed to get her. When they first started dating Damiano, they were in college for communications and journalism and for the most part, they enjoyed it for the most part and they thought it was going to stick for the most part and then they met Damiano. He came through like a hurricane, tearing through their world and showing them more than just their little small town as he sent pictures of places that he toured at, sending love letters and expensive jewelry.And they cherished every single one, keeping them in a small box underneath their bed, unable to stand even looking at them. Y/N rolled their neck as they pulled off their shirt, tossing it to the side as they grabbed a paint can as they stared at the blank canvas in determination.

TWO WEEKS LATER

“‘Up and coming painter,Y/N L/N, has been hospitalized at New York’s mental hospital. They’ve been experiencing vivid hallucinations and long periods of mania, breaking the glass of their high rise apartment. One theory is giving a little bit of insight to why they’re acting like this, some say she hasn’t been sleeping well or sleeping at all. They recently did a painting stream and you won’t believe this, for almost 30 hours. Some say that they didn’t move either, to eat or relieve themselves, so they potentially have an eating disorder as well.’'

Ethan scoffed as he changed the channel, tossing the remote to the side. “Lo sa ancora (Does he know yet)?” Ethan questioned as he opened a bottle of liquor, pouring himself a glass along with Thomas and Vic. “No, but he’ll probably know soon, you know he kept tabs on them. I don’t know why though, I’m pretty sure that they’re over with.” Damiano stepped through the door, looking worse for wear as he stomped through the room, taking the swing of the bottle. “Damiano….” “Just don’t. I don’t want to hear it, I know they’re in the hospital and-” “Dude, we’re just wondering if you’re okay, we don’t care about them-” Damiano stopped as he glared at Thomas, bending down in front of him. “I don’t give a shit how I feel, but you’re not going to disrespect Y/N in front of me. You can do it anywhere else, but around me.” Ethan quietly watched him as he slammed the door shut. “Maybe he’s onto something, he knows them better than us, maybe they’re nice.” Vic spoke up after a while, rubbing her neck as she felt an insane amount of guilt. She knew that Y/N knew that, and the rest of the band didn’t like them. They were so different from Damiano’s partners, none of his partners were foriegn, Y/N was an American and they did things differently than they do. “Are you okay, Vic, you look like you have an idea that none of us are going to like.” Vic was going to make this right and help these two useless lovebirds. “Pack all of your shit, we’re going to America.”

“What do you mean they’re not here? Where could they go?” The receptionist stared blankly at three before grabbing the phone. “If I knew that, I still couldn’t tell you because of HIPAA, if you don’t leave, I will call security.” They quickly stepped out of the building, disappointed as they looked at themselves. “Okay, so we’re going back home right?” Ethan looked done with everything, glaring at the paparazzi that made their way down the street. “We’re going to look for them, I’m not giving up, Damiano is close to shutting down completely and leaving the band. We owe it to him to at least help him either get back together or help him move on.” Vic realized during the ten-hour flight how well Damiano was doing much better with them in his life, they actively made sure that he was eating and remembering important small details. They were a match made in heaven and according to Vic, everyone needed someone to manage in the cruel world. “I know that they have a friend named Jennie, we just have to find where she’s at.”

“The world hasn’t been too kind to you, hasn’t it?” An older man glanced towards the backseat, frowning as he occasionally watched his child sleep. They looked exhausted and ready to throw in the towel from this brutal boxing match. He remembered them, crying into the phone, on the verge of a panic attack as they tried to form a coherent sentence and the next thing he knew, he was on a flight headed to New York. He knew that after the death of their mother, his wife, that they weren’t okay, but it was their senior year of high school and they got into a very prestigious school. They just kept going and going, no time to grieve and he was surprised that it took them so long to do so. As a father, he wanted to protect them from the outside world and yet, he couldn’t be there for them and it frustrated him so much. He pulled into a dirt road, sighing as they made their way down that familiar path. “I just want you to be happy again, just have this snarkier, larger than life attitude, and enjoy yourself. If you didn’t know, I’m proud of you and I’ll make sure that you know that for the rest of your life.”

“So you’re that Måneskin? Not going to lie, I thought Y/N was lying about him, you know? They seem a little...off the rails.” Ethan furrowed his eyebrows at Jennie as she basically walked around naked. “Is there another Måneskin band that we don’t know about? I’m getting sidetracked, where is Y/N? I know they had a breakdown and I thought in America you had to stay there for three days so?” Jennie just looked at the other woman, shrugging her shoulders as she walked into her kitchen, dancing to trashy pop music. “I really don’t know and I really don’t care, I didn’t consider Y/N as my friend. When they came to New York, I just took advantage of that, they were from the South. They came here and wanted to make all of the friends, wanting to get close with everybody and you know what? I could see them, slowly crack and not be their cheerful self and -” “God, no wonder they acted like that, they have you in their right ear, being a negative bitch and making themselves feel like shit.” Thomas spoke up as she pouted, making Ethan and Vic wear a puzzled look on their faces. “How are you making this about yourself? They’re obviously not in a good mental state, don’t make this about you.” Ethan shuffled uncomfortably in his seat as he looked around, coughing awkwardly. Jennie raised her eyebrows at them before she opened the door, pointing out. “Get the fuck out of my apartment and never come back. You’re lucky that I became friends with that hillbilly freak, no one else would ever deal with them.” Once again, they were stumped, they had no leads and they were pretty much ready to give up and call it a day. “...Vic, why are you doing this? Be honest with us, why do you feel this urge to help them? What have they done for you to help them?” “Because Damiano..has become a better person because of them, he’s been worse than this before. He would sleep around, not caring about who he hurt in the process and he was just sinking further and further. Then Y/N came along, they became friends and it took months of Damiano being called out for him to change and during that time frame, he fell in love with Y/N. ...I was jealous, he was more open with them than me. I’ve known him longer than anyone else and it was painful for me to hear him express his dreams and feelings to someone else. I wanted him to express himself with me instead of trying to act like he’s okay with whatever he was dealing with. That’s why I despised them, my jealousy got the best of me and it clouded my judgement.”

2 MONTHS LATER

Y/N watched the fields of corn as they seemed to continue on, never ending as the days went on. They were mounted on their childhood horse, Luna, as they explored the unchanging surroundings around them. Everything was the same, albeit, it really wasn’t, people passed away and some left to bigger and better things and the town that they grew up with just faded away. It was a ghost town, hardly anything stayed in town, all of the mom and pop shops shut down as the older generation retired and their children didn’t want to run a store. Y/N was lucky to have such great parents and allowed them to explore and learn everything they wanted to know. They never held that against their parents, they knew that just being the weird kid would have been sheltered because they knew how society treated children who didn’t fit into the norm. ”Whatca thinkin about?” “Nothing really, just relaxing, thinking, I don’t know what else to do, I don’t want to go back to New York quite yet. I don’t want to paint..it just reminds me of him, and losing him was the second worst pain that I've dealt with. I remember when mom died and I just pushed myself through, buried myself in my college work and...Damiano helped me decompress, I lost my rock and I’m pretty sure that he doesn’t want to see me. His group just won Eurovision and they’re getting international attention…” Their father watched them carefully, walking next to them. “Let me ask you a question, why did you and Damiano fight? Let’s start from there.” Y/N stopped Luna as they spun around to face the older man. “We fought because I traveled all the way to Rome and got drunk for two weeks. I thought we were going to spend time together and he would take me to see his favorite places-” “Did you tell him that? Before you confronted him?” Their father gave him that same look that they loved to give. Y/N had this bad habit where they'd daydream about important conversations and not have those said conversations in real life, they looked away shamefully. “No...I didn’t” “You know men are dumb as rocks, you need to tell us everything or we won’t pick up on hints that you drop. When your mother was pregnant with you, she would constantly get mad when I didn’t do things which led her to getting a chalkboard to let me know what I needed to do. Good communication makes a relationship thrive and survive, you can’t be silent and expect him to come to you. Now, do you want with this information, there’s someone who would love to speak to you.” A car sped down the dirt path, unfamiliar with this terrain, stopping as they rushed out of the car. “How did he even..” They urged Luna to slowly make their way back inwards, nervously glancing back towards their father, he only nodded as he urged them to continue on.

“Excuse me? I’m looking for…” Damiano trailed off as he watched them slowly trotted over to him. “..How did you even find me?” “Honestly, I spent hours upon hours looking through our facetimes and I just wanted to see you...I have so much to say and I just….Ti amo e voglio essere con te(I love you and I want to be with you), I’m hurting when you are and I realized that I can’t imagine myself without you. You’ve been there when I was at my lowest and you know me so personally and I don’t want to lose you.” Damiano grasped their waist as he pulled them into his chest. “Damia-” “No, let me talk first, you were absolutely right, we should’ve talked about what we should’ve done when you visited. I was stupid to think-” Y/N covered his mouth, shaking their head, “No, I’m partially to blame as well, I didn’t communicate what I wanted and I ended up causing a scene and I embarrassed you in front of everyone and your bandmates probably hate me even more.” Damiano wasn’t even listening to what they were saying, unable to focus on anything else but them, he quickly took their face in his hands, eagerly kissing as he ran his hands along their body, gripping their hips. “You weren’t listening to a word I said, did you?” “Diavolo, no(Hell no), you’re too distracting for me to focus.” He chuckled, pulling them closer to him, smirking when they gasped. “Don’t give me that look, I’ve always wanted to sleep with my amore on their childhood bedroom, let’s make that into a reality, shall we?”

#damiano david x reader #maneskin x reader #gender neutral reader #if you want some smut let me know

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killian-spey · 3 years

Text

Death Would be Kinder [ch.1]

[Drusilla/Spike/Calendar!Reader]

Words: 2626

Fic Concept: Jenny Calendar’s sister spends some “quality time” with the Season 2 Vampire Squad. [Ch.1 takes place in BtVS S2 Ep14]

TW/CW: Kidnapping, Violence, Nightmares.

AN: Check out the [Prologue] first if you haven’t already! :D

Tags: @prose-for-hire , (Comment below or send an ask to be added!)

You had run through the sewers for hours before you pulled yourself out of a manhole halfway across town. Escaping from the factory had worn you out completely, and you made your way home, hoping that Angel and Buffy had done the same.

When you got home, Jenny was asleep on the couch. It looked as though she'd been waiting up all night for you. You tucked a blanket over her and took her empty tea mug to the kitchen before going upstairs, where you flopped into bed and immediately found sleep.

You opened your eyes in the dark and two stormy grey eyes were staring into yours. You sat up confused as your eyes adjusted to the dark. A moment passed, then a new pair blinked into existence; they were blue, cold and unmoving. Their faces grew recognizable and a pit of anxiety grew in your stomach. Spike was leaning against your window sill. Drusilla was laying on your bed, reaching for you with one hand. You stumbled backwards with a yelp, falling onto your floor. Yellow eyes flashed once in your peripheral and then everyone was gone, just as quickly as they'd all appeared.

As you stood up, you found yourself in the factory. It was brighter here, but cold and empty. You spun, looking for an exit. Flashes of images knocked you off balance like punches. A red dress, flowing ribbon, blonde hair, black hair, crooked smiles, pointed teeth. Bells rang in your head, you saw a wheelchair, then painted red nails, then a ridged face. Your head was spinning. You were spinning. Faster and faster until you felt nauseous.

It stopped suddenly. A single thought pierced your adrenaline-rushing head. Soon-

You opened your eyes with a gasp, staring at the ceiling of your bedroom. It was morning and your alarm was going off. You stayed there a few minutes, snoozing the alarm so you could let your heart catch up with reality -or rather slow down to reality- before you got ready for the day and hopped in the car with your sister. Seems Buffy wasn’t the only one having bad dreams about vampires that should've been dead. Lucky you...

As it turns out, Buffy and Angel didn’t check in after last night’s screw up at the factory; thankfully Buffy came into school a couple minutes later to confirm she was still alive. The same couldn’t be said for Angel though, so tensions were high among the Scoobies while researching the Judge.

You were asked to use your artistic skills to draw the Judge to the best of your memory while the others looked into tomes with written references. The world tended to pass you by when you were drawing, so you almost didn’t notice when your sister left the library. She had been summoned by your Uncle, but for what you didn’t know. Not long after, the lights went out.

You stalked out of the library, seeing Xander, Willow, and Angel in the lobby of the school just down the hall. Willow was making her way towards Angel when-

“Willow, get away from him.” Jenny came from the left, holding up a cross as she stepped towards Angel. Oh. Oh no. You pulled a stake from your belt and called out to Willow as calmly as you could muster.

“Willow, walk back towards me.”

“What are you two talking about? It’s just A-”

Angel lunged forward and grabbed Willow by the neck. Familiar yellow eyes peered out of the darkness of the hallway as Willow yelped, struggling against the choke hold.

“You’re not Angel anymore, are you?” Jenny walked closer to Angel.

“Wrong. I am Angel, at last.” He pulled Willow back away from Jenny, “I’ve got a message for Buffy.”

“Why don’t you give it to me yourself?”

The two of them exchanged words and fought, allowing Willow the opportunity to escape Angel’s clutches and join your huddled group on the outskirts of the fight. Buffy got shoved into the water fountain, dumbfounded as Angel walked out the door laughing. The fight was over as quickly as it started, and a blanket of stunned silence covered the whole group. After what felt like an eternity of numb, unmoving shock, you and Jenny gave each other a knowing look. You’d failed. Angel was gone.

You don’t remember how long you’d been sitting in the library, vaguely listening to the group tell Giles about the confrontation with Angelus. Jenny was trying to keep Giles from panicking, and you sat numbly with your guilt. You only looked up when Buffy fled the room, Giles calling after her. You wanted so badly to apologize, but if Buffy ever found out what you’d known, she might kill you herself. You excused yourself from the library, mumbling to Jenny that you’d be in the studio back home.

-----

The garage door creaked as you lifted it. Jenny had given you one of the car bays to use as an art studio while you lived in Sunnydale. Your studio was one of the only places you knew where you could truly be alone with yourself. Jenny had never judged you or your art. Ever since your parents died, she’d stepped up and been supportive of you. You brushed your hand along the top of your canvas stash, picking a large, almost square canvas and setting it on your easel.

Painting had been a way for you to cope with strong emotions for as long as you could remember, but with the events of today you felt lost. You sat on your stool in front of that blank white canvas for what must have been hours. You eventually decided that nothing could convey what you were feeling in the moment, so you decided to paint something the opposite.

You used cream-white, gold and rust to block out a background; it was light, idyllic, and serene. It would be a white-stone conservatory, full of hanging candles and lanterns with a mezzanine balcony covered in ivy. Over that you dropped bright, vibrant tones of yellows and reds and greens. You blocked them into the spaces you would put dancers in flowing gowns and painted blues where you would place their partners. It would be full of life. You stood back a moment, studying. The scene was missing something; joy and innocence, maybe. You place a few, short splotches of pinks and light yellows for younger girls. They were running in a small stampede, weaving through the forest of colorful silks on the dance floor- chasing after fairies or some magic that existed only in their imaginations. There it was. You had vague shapes and a vision, and you were intent on chasing it.

You painted all through the night, and well into the morning. Jenny had left for the school hours ago, but hadn’t said anything. The painting was finally done. You sat in your stool and wiped your hands on your jeans. It was done, you had worked for hours, you had cried for Angel, you had smiled for the imaginary children, and for a moment you were satisfied... Then you noticed it.

In the center of your painting was a lone dancer. She wore a red gown with dark lace over the bodice and had equally dark hair. Your painting was somewhat post-impressionist, preferring interesting shapes over pinpoint detail, but it was unmistakable. In a ballroom of strangers, you’d painted her. Drusilla. You didn’t know what to think about that.

You stared at Drusilla in the painting, stuck in an introspective daze until a creaking sound pulled you back to reality. Your uncle had opened the garage door and stepped into the studio bay with two cups of coffee. You pulled up a stool for him and he handed you one, sitting beside you in front of the painting.

“Janna called,” he began cautiously. “She is on her way home with your friend, Buffy. I don’t know how, but she knows.”

“She’s going to hate me for this,” You scanned the sweeping lines of a yellow skirt somewhere else on your painting, trying not to let the tears prickle at the corners of your eyes.

The door to the garage opened behind you both and you looked down into your mug, anxiously tapping your nail against the ceramic. You couldn’t bear to look Buffy in the eyes, your guilt returning in full force.

Your uncle lit a pipe and stood up as he spoke,

“She told me you would be coming. I suppose you want answers,”

“Not really.” The voice wasn’t Buffy’s.

You snapped your head towards the door to find Angelus leaning against the door frame, blocking your exit. You scrambled, picking up a fistful of wooden paint brushes off your work table in a desperate search for weapons. You spun back towards Angelus just in time to watch him snap your uncle’s neck. An arm smacked against your leg as he dropped onto the concrete floor- a sensation you would no doubt remember the rest of your life. You snapped a large paintbrush in half to give it a pointier edge, but Angelus grabbed your wrist before you could even make a move on him. This was the sickening moment you realized just exactly how tall Angelus was. Exactly how far above he loomed over you.

“Ah, ah.” He tutted at you with a smirk. “Wouldn’t want to go angering the guy who holds your life in his hands, now would you?” He twisted your wrist until you let go of the brush, then wrapped his other hand around your throat and pushed you onto the worktable.

“You know, it really is embarrassing that you’re so darn fragile!”

He was laughing, but he was right. In comparison you were a mouse fighting a lion, you had no chance against him. You clawed fruitlessly at his hand, but he just squeezed harder. Your vision was already fuzzing out, and it was getting difficult to even see Angelus’ face clearly as he taunted you.

“Oh, stop squirming, you’ll be unconscious in a minute, kid. Lucky for you, I need some bait. So you get to live for a while, isn’t that exciting?!” His voice was giving you something tangible to focus on, but it was no use. Another moment and you were unconscious.

-----

Your head pounded like a drum when you woke up. You opened your eyes, but it took a while for them to adjust to the dim light. You tried to rub your eyes, but your hands were tied down to the armrests of the chair you were sat in. Your eyes darted around for any sign of Angelus, but found none. Everything was empty. Silent. Against your better judgement, you called out into the empty factory.

“Hello?”

You waited. No one responded, but you felt you were being watched.

You didn’t know how much time had passed before you heard a small, soft melody coming from behind you. Humming. Your heartbeat kicked up a notch as you scanned the room.

“I can hear you going pitter-patter from here,” Drusilla had spoken from a place you couldn’t see. You heard each of her footsteps click closer and closer behind you until you could feel her standing just inches away. You let out a shaky breath and she shushed you quietly.

She ran her hands through your hair, dragging long red fingernails across your scalp. She began detangling your hair with her fingers, idly humming once again. You let your head tip back as she picked lightly at a particularly bad snag, dismantling it and continuing her exploration of your hair. By now you’d noticed you were crying, silently terrified and unnerved by the ministrations of the vampire behind you. She yanked a new snag in your hair and you couldn’t help the small yelp that escaped you.

“Is the doll hurting?” She pulled her hands away when she realized you weren’t going to answer her. She walked agonizingly slowly around your chair, stopping directly in front of you. “It’s rude to ignore people.” You stared at the floor, avoiding her gaze. You did notice, however horrified, that she was wearing a new, yet familiar, red dress with black lace.

You could feel her staring down at you, almost willing you to look at her. When you didn’t, she dropped to her knees to meet your eye line, resting her cheek on your knee. You studied her face as she ghosted her hand up and down your left thigh, occasionally picking at the smatterings of paint that were still all over your jeans.

“You’re an artist. I like artists,” She picked up her head and you chuckled nervously as she looked at you. In a morbid way, you were glad she liked you, whatever that meant. It might mean I live a little longer.

You looked up at the ceiling uncomfortably, then scanned the room for an escape, for something, anything you could do. She dragged her finger from your thigh up to your neck as she looked up at you. For a moment, you were scared she’d slice your throat, but she wrapped her hand around your jaw and pulled your face down gently to look at her.

“You’ll be my little pet Artist. We’ll have lots of fun together,” She stared into your eyes with a dangerous smile. She rubbed her thumb against your jawline -her hand still holding your face as she stood up- until she burst into a fit of giggles. She dropped your face and pulled her hands together, close to her chest, as she walked backwards a few paces.

As if she’d sensed him coming, Spike rolled into the room and stopped his chair just next to you. Drusilla gracefully perched herself on Spike’s lap and after a few minutes of flirting, Angelus came down the spiral staircase with the Judge, who voiced that he was ready to leave.

“About time.” Spike gave Drusilla a kiss and told her to have fun.

“Too bad you can’t come with, huh?” Angelus was taunting Spike and -despite your fear- you were studying the interactions for a better understanding of the relationships at play. Spike was staying behind under the pretense of watching you, but it was a thinly veiled jab at his current handicap. You watched silently as Angelus practically stole Drusilla off Spike’s lap before they left the factory. Spike stared at the doorway they'd left from for a while before he glanced back at you, staring at him. You dropped your eyes immediately, but it was too late.

“What are you lookin’ at?” He wheeled himself to the other side of the table.

“I won’t be in this chair forever. I’ll get back at him.”

“Of course you will.”

He squinted at you, probably just as surprised as you that’d you’d actually spoken back at him. He turned his chair and got up close to you again, murder glinting behind his eyes.

“Are you being funny? ‘Cause I could kill you in half a second, you know.”

“No, no jokes,” You shook your head at him, weakly lifting your hands within your restraints in surrender. The last thing you wanted was for him to prove just how tough he still is.

“Good, cause I would,” he pointed his finger at you as he continued on, “...kill you, I mean.”

“Right.” You squinted, processing.

“You’d do well to remember that.”

You pressed your lips together and nodded awkwardly. He stared at you about 7 seconds longer than he needed to before huffing and rolling off to another room. As soon as you were alone, you sighed in relief and stared up at the ceiling; only one thought in your mind.

Oh. My. God.

#spike #btvs #tv: btvs #buffy the vampire slayer #drusilla #drusilla x reader #drusilla x Spike #Spike x reader #fanfic #fanfiction #multichapter #chapter 1 #angel #angelus #ats #jenny calendar

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joviewinchester · 3 years

Text

Let’s pretend that Mary is here to add to the *spice* Also major fluff alert. So terribly fluffy endings that they could be a danger to society. Except for the last one. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Also let me know if I should write more stuff with multiple endings because this was super fun.

Imagine dating Dean when Gabriel comes back, and going to stay with Lucifer.

Dean and Y/N were currently having the biggest fight of their relationship. “I still love him Dean! I can’t help it! I thought he was dead okay?! I assumed after he went radio silent he was dead not kidnapped by a Kentucky fried douche bag!”

“Oh! Oh! That’s even better! You knew that Lucifer didn’t kill him and you didn’t think to tell us?!”

“I was protecting him you ass! He would have really died if everyone knew he was still alive!”

“Well, what now, then, huh? I was a fucking distraction from all of your baggage wasn’t I?!”

“Like I wasn’t?! You have so much fucking baggage, it adds on an extra fifty pounds!”

“Well? What about now, Y/N? Even if I’m absolutely pissed at you, I’m still and love with you, and I’ll take a wild guess from when he tried to kiss you and say that he’s still in love with you too, so now what?”

“I’m staying somewhere else for awhile, Dean. I can’t stand being here okay? I love you. You know that, but everything is just so complicated right now and I can’t deal with it.”

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to stay with Lucifer okay? And don’t tell me that it’s dangerous and he’s an asshole and I can’t because I don’t have anywhere to go. I’m out of options, D.”

“So what? You would rather have a sleepover with the devil than stay here?!”

“Yes okay?! And this is why! I can’t deal with the way you’re being right now! …Look, i don’t have enough energy to fight anymore. Let Gabe know where I went, and just so you know, we’re on a break.”

Dean sadly watched as she walked out of the bunker with her duffel bag on her shoulder. “On a break?” He muttered to himself.

As soon as the bunker door slammed shut, Sam walked out from his room, where he had been hiding. He put an arm around his older brother. “It’ll be okay, Dean.”

“Will it really? Because she’s going to stay with yet another archangel that she, although I don’t have proof, most likely had feelings for, and the other one is staying with us.”

“Oh yeah yeah. Cry all you want, Winchester. You think I’m not upset that she’s staying with my brother who tried to kill me?” Gabriel asked.

“Is all this really necessary? I think we should probably just let Y/N do what she wants, and not fight. She is a responsible adult, and she can make her own decisions.” Castiel chimed in.

“Oh shut up!” Dean and Gabriel said in unison.

“By the way asshole, thanks to you, me and Y/N are on a break!”

“Oh don’t blame me for that Dean-o. You did that on your own. Y/N likes to make her own decisions, and you trying to make them for her? Yeah that was not working out too well. Clearly the only reason she really left was to show that she still had control over her own life.”

“Clearly, she left because your both being completely immature grade a douchebags, who, frankly, no one wants to be around, so shut up, or get a room!” Sam exploded.

They both put their hands up in surrender. “If you really want to know what really happened with Lucifer, I’ve recently come into possession of a super top secret diary of a certain loveable hunter.”

Mary walked in on the conversation. “Don’t you two dare. Just because she left does not mean you get to just take anything from her room.”

Dean and Gabriel both shrugged and sat down at the table. Gabriel began flipping through the pages to find the right date. “Here it is. This is after I went radio silent. You said that she started hanging around with Lucifer three years after my ‘death’ correct?” Dean nodded.

“”Dear Jenny,” Wow she named her diary. Whatever that’s beside the point.

“Dear Jenny,

I definitely made somewhat of a mistake today. Well, I wouldn’t call it that, but I know that the Winchesters would. I, well, I made out with Lucifer last night.

I think I’m in love with him, but then, there’s Dean. I’m starting to think he kind of had a thing for me? But then again, it’s Dean, he probably just wants to hook up or something.

You know, for some reason, I always liked the villains more. I think it might be because, most of the time, they aren’t using a girl. They love her. They’d get down on their knees for her. They’d die for her and do anything for her, and she’d always be their queen. I don’t know maybe I’m delusional.

What would Gabe say though? There’s no doubt in my mind that I will always be in love with him, dead or alive. If I ever got the chance to be with him again, I know that I would choose him, over anyone, Dean and Lucifer included. He is, well was, the light in my darkness, and I know that I‘ll never forget him.” Gabriel closed the diary. He glanced at Dean, trying to subtly study his face. He was clearly upset, and oddly enough, Gabe comforted him.

“Hey, cheer up, okay Dean-o. Let’s look at a further entry. Her feeling about you probably changed.”

They flipped further. It was an entry from last year.

“Dear Jenny,

I almost died today. There was a nest of vampires, and I went in on my own. I feel so stupid. Scratch that. I am stupid. I was lucky, so goddamn lucky.

Dean saved me. I felt really dumb. I hate being the damsel in distress. I was hoping that by going in there, I would take them out on my own and show Dean that I don’t need protection.

He has enogh to worry about, and he is always worrying about me. If anything ever happened to Dean, I don’t know what I’d do.

I know in past entries, things I said were so different, but we’re together now. Things are so different, and I love him so much.

He is my light…in the darkness.” Gabriel trailed off on the last part.

“You make her happy Dean. She’s yours now.”

“No. You made her just as happy, and besides, it’s her decision now. For all we know, she’ll end up with Satan.”

About, a week passed and Y/N was finally home. As soon as she walked in the door, everyone could tell how drained she was. She looked like she hadn’t slept in years.

“Hi.” She gave a weak smile to no one in particular. Now was not a time to play favorites. Then again, maybe it was.

Dean- “So, as you guys know, I’ve been MIA for a week, so I’ve had lots of time to think, and I know what I want. I know that you both probably don’t even want me at this point, but, Dean I love you. I want to be with you, and it was stupid for me to just up and leave. That one week was a living hell without you. Side note, that was a horrible metaphor for me to use.”

Dean pulled her into a tight hug, and buried his face in her hair. “Don’t ever leave me alone with Gabriel and Sam ever again. I know mom and Cas are here, but no one can stop them from arguing constantly but you.” Y/N laughed a little bit.

“I promise that I’ll never leave you ever again. I uh, I bought something while I was gone.” She pulled something small out of her pocket.

“Look, I know that this is kind of untraditional, but that’s who I am. Dean for as long as I’ve known you, you never even thought about a serious relationship, until you asked me out. Like everyone we have had ups and downs, but at the end of the day, I love you and you love me. With this life, you have no idea what’s going to happen next, so I guess what I’m trying to say is, Dean Winchester, will you marry me?”

“Hell yeah! Of course. I’m just sorry you beat me to it. Before our fight, I had this whole romantic thing planned out and-“ Y/N hushed him.

“I don’t want a bunch of rose petals. You’re more than enough for me.”

Gabriel- “Um…Mary can I talk to you?” Mary nodded and followed Y/N to a separate room.

“So, I know Dean is your son, but you’re my best friend and I feel like you’re the only person I can talk to. This may not be what you want to hear, but I’m still-“

“In love with Gabriel. I know n/n. Just let Dean down easy okay? You know how he is with these things. He’s not going to get over it overnight.”

Y/N pulled her into a hug. “Thanks, Mary.”

“Now why don’t you go shower and then talk to Gabe.” Y/N nodded and went up to her room then headed to her personal bathroom.

When she got done, she walked out to her laid out clothes and almost had a heart attack. Of course he would be waiting on her.

“You know, I feel like I already know the answer to this, but do you think I could get dressed before we talk or?”

“Nah. It’s not in my programming to do that.” Y/N grabbed her laid out clothes.

“In that case, I’ll be right back.” She said heading to the bathroom once more. When she walked back out, she sat next to him on the edge of her bed.

“So…” Y/N trialed off, nervously tapping her fingers against her thigh.

“Y/N, I know you aren’t very good at confrontation and stuff like that, but you have a decision to make, and no matter what, Dean and I have both agreed to respect that, even if that choice is neither of us.”

“Gabe, I’ve already made a choice. I made a choice a long time ago. I love you. Even through the years nothing has changed the fact that I love you. You were the first guy, or archangel rather, that I fell in love with, and I want you to be the last.”

“That was the most incredibly sweet and cheesy thing you have ever said to me.”

“Oh shut up, you love me.”

“You know it, sugar.”

Lucifer- “Look, I’m not staying here anymore. I know that might be kind of hard for you guys to process, but I know what I want now, and what I want is not anywhere near this bunker, so to save us all the heartache, I’m packing my stuff up and heading out of here.” She quickly ran up to her room.

“Lucifer.” Gabriel and Dean said annoyedly at the same time.

“You guys don’t know that. Maybe she just needs time on her own.” Sam said.

“Uh... yeah no.” They all turned around, then simultaneously groaned in disgust and annoyance.

“Oh come on. Don’t give me that. I’m a delight to be around. Ask Y/N.” Lucifer stated with a cocky smirk on his face.

Mary scoffed. “You’re a self righteous asshole. I don’t know why she finds any part of you attractive.”

Y/N came downstairs carrying like five bags, and rolled her eyes. “I go upstairs for five minutes and you guys are already fighting. Look, I’m leaving okay! I can’t be here right now! So, just at least let me go peacefully.”

“Is this what your mother would have wanted?” Cas stopped her. Y/N whipped around, and dropped the bags she was holding.

“Don’t talk about my mother! She died saving your sorry ass, so screw you!” Seconds later, they were gone.

“Maybe she’s right. Maybe he is different.” Mary suggested.

“Or maybe she’s blinded like she always has been.” Dean scoffed.

#supernatural x reader #supernatural imagine #lucifer spn #lucifer x reader #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #sam winchester #mary winchester #gabriel spn #gabriel x reader #castiel #castiel novak

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t4tlawlight · 3 years

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YOU'RE AN AVENGER, A DEATH ANGEL. YOU KILL PEOPLE WHO ASK FOR IT, WHO DESERVE TO DIE. YOU'RE A WATCHDOG, A PROTECTOR OF THINGS DECENT. YOUR COMFORTS ARE SACRIFICED FOR EFFICIENCY -- YOU CAN'T DO WHAT HAS TO BE DONE WITH PEOPLE MOANING AND CLINGING TO YOU, YOU CAN'T STRIKE WITH POSSESSIONS WEIGHING YOU DOWN. YOU HAVE A CLEAR HEAD AND NO REGRETS. YOU CAN TAKE OUT ANYONE BECAUSE YOU'RE STRIPPED DOWN AND YOU DON'T DEPEND ON OR TRUST A SOUL. YOU ARE EFFECTIVE BECAUSE YOU DON'T LOVE ANYBODY OR ANYTHING. YOU'RE A ONE- MAN FORCE, THE PERFECT INSTRUMENT OF DESTINY.

– "INFLAMMATORY ESSAYS 5" by Jenny Holzer

(this is a companion piece to Love and Belonging, my early drama light analysis! [LINK] i heavily recommend reading it before continuing this analysis, as i reference events and ideas explained in that post.)

in my previous analysis of drama light, i focused on the events that led him to become the man we see in the beginning of the drama: a gentle, kind man who is underachieving but still brilliant, who takes a maternal role in his household after the death of his mother. This is all crucial to understanding Light’s character in the drama and how the events leading up to him becoming Kira change in line with his altered characterization, but that analysis only barely skimmed the surface of Light’s character development throughout the drama, and especially after L’s death.

the drama fandom--including me!--is somewhat guilty of making blanket statements about drama light’s morality as opposed to his manga counterpart, that drama light is kinder and gentler in comparison to manga light. this may be true early on, but i would argue that as the series progresses, drama light willingly and deliberately throws away his love and humanity just as much--if not more!--than his manga counterpart.

to understand what i mean it’s important to compare light’s relationship with his father between the adaptations.

in the manga, light grows up idolizing his father, loving and admiring him and wanting to follow in his footsteps as a police officer. his morality that leads to him ultimately becoming Kira comes from Soichiro, as does his dissatisfaction with the world as he sees his father work himself to the bone trying to eradicate crime that seems to never end.

there’s a lot more that can be said about the nature of their relationship and about how Light desperately seeks his father’s approval, but instead of typing out an entire analysis i’ll link you to this post by tumblr user mikami [LINK], which is a very good analysis of the two of them in the manga.

conversely, in the drama Light begins much the same, but Soichiro choosing to chase a criminal instead of being by his wife’s deathbed--leaving his children to witness their mother’s passing alone--strains Light’s relationship with him. Light has much of the same morals and worldview as manga Light, but now believes that his father’s morality is more or less worthless, since he had to give up his family to pursue justice.

Light: When my mother died when I was a kid, my father was off chasing a criminal… I thought my father’s form of justice couldn’t be worth much, if he had to sacrifice even his family to see it through.

– Episode 7

however, it’s important to note that while Light is cold with his father and resents his occupation, that does not mean that Light does not still love and idolize his father. he wants his father’s love and support, and he cares as deeply for him as does his manga counterpart. in fact, drama light only becomes kira out of a desire to protect his father--after his first, accidental murder, he throws away the Death Note and tries to forget about it. however, his father is taken hostage by a criminal who intends on seeking revenge for Soichiro putting him in jail years ago, and Light is forced to retrieve the note and write the criminal’s name to protect his father.

[photo: a zoomed in shot of the Death Note. Light is writing the name “Otoharada Kuro” in Japanese. the penmanship is shaky and nearly illegible from how hard Light’s hand is trembling.]

– Episode 1

Light is literally shaking with terror as he writes the name of the man about to kill his father.

and this is not something Light does lightly--after he saves his father and it’s announced that Otoharada is dead, Light is absolutely stricken with guilt and horror for murdering two people, including the man who was about to kill his father. he saved his father’s life at the price of another, because he loves his father--and his entire family--very deeply.

it’s also worth noting a slight difference between the manga and the drama; after the mock execution, drama Soichiro admits that he believed Light could be guilty and was prepared to die. Light--who at this point has no memory of being Kira and thus completely believes himself to be wrongly accused--does not blame his father for not trusting him. Light, who desperately wants his father’s approval, does not blame him in the slightest: instead, the subject of his anger is Kira himself for putting Soichiro in this position and making Soichiro suffer.

Light: I… I hate Kira. Kira, who made you suffer this way… I hate him so much. Soichiro: Light… Light: Please catch him. I believe that you can catch Kira, Dad.

[photo: Light and Soichiro in an abandoned parking garage. the two of them are crouching beside Soichiro’s car. Soichiro is hugging Light, who weakly raises his hands to hold his father in return.]

– Episode 6

the two of them embrace and weep before collecting themselves and returning to Countermeasures.

by this point in the story, it’s obvious that both versions of Light love Soichiro very much. Light is creating his “new world” for the good of humanity but also for the people he loves the most--his family.

later, the emotional death of manga Light comes after the passing of his father, which he never wanted nor planned for. he never wanted Soichiro to be in a position to get hurt and he is never, ever the same after Soichiro's death, especially because he never gains his father’s approval for his actions as Kira--in fact, Soichiro leaves him with an outright rejection of Kira entirely.

[panel 1: a close up of Soichiro’s eye. he looks like he’s in pain. the speech bubble above his head reads, “I still have the eyes. And according to that Shinigami… Ryuk, I can’t see the lifespan of someone who owns a notebook.

panel 2: Light is standing above his father’s prone body. Matsuda stands behind him, bandages on his face and arms. Soichiro continues, “Light, you’re not Kira… I’m so glad…” Light looks shocked in response, a speech bubble above his head reading only “!” Matsuda says, “O-of course he isn’t! You were still worried about that?"]

the fact that Light can never gain that approval leads to him becoming incredibly dissatisfied and simply going through the motions--it’s what leads to him treating other people like cogs in a machine that will listen to him without any free will of their own, which is what makes him not foresee that Mikami might take action of his own accord. this is how Light gets caught in the end.

in the drama, however, Light experiences more than just his father’s rejection. Soichiro confronts Light directly about being Kira, catching him in the act. this is, of course, Light’s worst case scenario--he does virtually everything he can to lie his way out of it, to get his father back on his side, but fails. Soichiro acknowledges the fact that it was his fault that Light turned out this way, and also that he failed to notice that Light was suffering up until now--and then begs Light to turn himself in, in a scene that echoes L’s confrontation with Light from a couple of episodes prior.

when Light refuses, Soichiro begins to write his own name in the book.

Light: No way. Dad… Stop it. Dad! Stop it! Dad! Soichiro: There’s a struggle going on in your soul right now, isn’t there? That’s what it means to take someone’s life. That’s the weight of a human life. Do you understand, Light? Light: If this suffering is the real thing, I really can’t forgive criminals. I realized it, Dad. Even someone like me… There’s something even I can do to serve the world. Soichiro: How does killing people serve the world?! Light: I’ve sacrificed a lot of things, too! You of all people must understand how I feel! We’re working for the same thing. To protect the peace for everyone. With that notebook, I can create a world without crime! I’m just like you! Soichiro: You’re wrong. Open your eyes, Light. Come back, Light.

– Episode 10

with this ultimate rejection of Light’s actions, Soichiro finishes writing his name and Light allows him to do so. it isn’t as though Light couldn’t have stopped him if he really wanted to, either; on one level, turning himself into the police as Soichiro requested would have saved his father. on another, we see him rip the Death Note from Soichiro’s dying hands moments later as his father attempts to burn the book. Light is perfectly capable of saving the book and only acts when the Note is in danger, not his beloved family member.

of course, we never see manga Light exactly in this position, either, and I can’t say that I think that manga Light would have turned himself in or physically ripped the Note from Soichiro’s hands. both Lights did virtually everything they could to never be in a situation where they had to choose between the safety of their family members and being Kira, and I doubt manga Light would have done well emotionally with Soichiro outright rejecting him, his actions, and his ideology.

however, their actions and behavior immediately after Soichiro’s death is extremely telling. when manga Light is rejected by his father, who died as a result of a plan gone awry, he is completely devastated.

[photo: a panel of Light Yagami screaming over his father’s body. tears are running down his face, and he yells, “Dad! Dad! Don’t you die, damn it!”]

he sheds tears--which are rare for manga Light--and he mourns over his father’s dead body for quite some time. as i said previously, he is never the same man again after his father’s death.

drama Light sheds tears as Soichiro writes his name and is clearly upset by his passing, but his mourning period is immediately interrupted by desperation to get the Note back. he spends Soichiro’s last moments wrestling with him for the Note, and once his father collapses he takes the note, wild-eyed, and holds it to his chest protectively. in this instant, he cares more about the safety of the book than his dead parent--because he had just chosen the notebook, and being Kira, over his father.

after Soichiro’s funeral, Light thinks this:

Light [internally]: Dad really did open my eyes. If I am to become a God, sacrifices are inevitable. No matter who it is that pursues Kira, I will erase them.

– Episode 10

this is Light implicitly saying that sacrificing his family members--sacrificing Soichiro, the man he began killing in order to save--is inevitable if they oppose Kira. of course, this is very similar to the way that manga Light distances himself from Soichiro after Soichiro’s death, to save him from the hurting that it caused him.

[photo: a panel of Light Yagami’s face, zoomed in close so we can only see one eye, his nose, and most of his mouth. He is scowling, most of his eye cast in shadow, and he’s sweating and panting. He asks, “Dad? Are you talking about Soichiro Yagami?”]

of course, all of this begs the question of how drama Light--who began a sweet, gentle boy who was more or less coerced into using the Death Note to begin with--got to a place that even manga Light didn’t have the chance to get to, where he was more willing to save the Death Note than his own father. it’s important to consider another relationship that drama Light has that’s much different from manga Light’s--his relationship to L.

manga light respects L's intelligence and sees him as an equal, as entertainment at times, but he doesn’t like him. not even during yotsuba arc, where they’re ostensibly on the same side--in fact, i would say yotsuba Light has more reason to dislike L, seeing as though he believes L to be falsely accusing him and having tortured him for virtually no reason. they're not actually friends--it’s a manipulation tactic. moreover, L sees him the same way. they were not friends and they both intended on killing each other until the bitter end.

by comparison, drama light and L's relationship starts that way--with the two of them wanting to kill each other, with a pretense of friendship that is actually an excuse to get close to each other to try and test for weaknesses--but the difference is that they, well, fall for their own bullshit. during yotsuba arc, Light’s memories are rewritten in such a way that he believes that L and light are genuinely on friendly terms, and L finds himself over the course of the arc going from respecting Light’s talents and thinking him as something interesting to genuinely wanting him to not be Kira and seeing him as a friend.

if you want to know more about L’s thought processes during the series and specifically the blue scene I recommend reading my analysis about him [LINK] but what is important to note is that L does not want to kill Light anymore by the time episode 8 rolls around. like Soichiro later will, he attempts to convince Light to confess--with the intention, we later find out, to potentially give him a way out. of course, Light doesn’t understand this and believes, for the moment, that it’s a fight to the death--so he writes L’s name in (what he believes to be) the Death Note.

this is intrinsically different from the way Light kills L in the manga. manga Light convinces someone else to do the dirty work and he is absolutely gleeful when L dies, gloating over his dying body--but up until this point L has made manga Light’s life an absolute hassle and expressed time and time again that he intends on executing Kira, who he believes to be Light. L wants to kill him, and they are not friends. while drama Light also believes it’s a “me-or-him” situation, he cannot deny that he actually likes L, that he wanted to be friends with him--he wanted, like Soichiro, for L to accept him and to be a part of the world Kira would create.

[photo: Light, cast in blue light, is bent over double. we’re looking at his face from below, from L’s point of view on the floor. his face is contorted with grief, face wet with tears and spit. He says, “I’d have wanted to be your friend forever.”]

– Episode 8

these are what Light believes to be his last words to L, so he has no reason to lie. he’s weeping as he says it, seeming absolutely heartbroken. this is the first time that Light kills--or attempts to kill--someone he cares about, and it’s the moment he decides to throw his humanity away. if he hadn’t cared so deeply for L before deciding to kill him, I don’t think the scene with Soichiro would have played out quite the same. Light even says it himself right before he writes L’s name:

Light: I can’t afford to lose to you. I’m creating a perfect world, without crime. To see that happen, I… L: Light… Light: I… I’ve decided there’s nothing I won’t do!

– Episode 8

these words are immediately followed by Light attempting to kill L. this is the fundamental moment that Light throws away his humanity, literally deciding that he would do anything for his new world, including killing his friends if they stand in his way. this culminates in him letting his father die and ripping the Note from his hands. he believes that the ends justify the means and that this is the only option he has.

it’s important to note that it isn’t that Light stopped loving his father, or stopped liking L--it isn’t that he lacks guilt over their deaths. it’s exactly the opposite. while their deaths--and the deaths of the Countermeasures team that he planned to take place, as well as the FBI and countless other people--are a necessary evil in order to make the world a better place, Light has to absolutely jump through hoops to justify it to himself and compartmentalize the guilt. as I said earlier, Light saying that Soichiro’s death was inevitable is a way to distance himself from the pain and guilt and rejection he feels, but as he’s dying that guilt cracks back open wide. when he sees that the Death Note is on fire, he panics and begins crawling towards it.

Light: Not yet. I can still do more. If I give up now… What was it all for?

– Episode 11

this is immediately followed by a flashback to Soichiro’s death, where Soichiro questions him about how killing people serves the world--after he crawls a little further, he flashes back again to L, recalling L’s desire to be friends with him.

these flashbacks go to show that Light feels a deep and profound guilt for killing both of them. he’s justified and rationalized it to himself as being for the good of the world--he chose being Kira over both of their lives. however, this means that if Kira fails, if he dies and the world goes right back to the way it was, then all of it was for nothing. he gets himself into a situation where he has to keep killing and killing people he cares about because if he stops then it means that all of it was for nothing.

it’s honestly an incredibly sad situation, that someone so full of kindness would become ultimately cold-hearted in an effort to cope with guilt.

#death note #death note drama #light yagami #soichiro yagami #death note analysis

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theresnosafeharbor4myships · 3 years

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TITLE: Out of the Grave - Chapter 1: The Void

A/N: An alt ending/fix-it fic. Because we and they deserved better--so I made it happen.

83 hours and 37 minutes. Not that he'd kept a count exactly. Just that his eidetic mind knew the exact moment Abbie had left this world, taking his heart with her and leaving him hollow, and his quick thoughts often calculated the duration he'd kept breathing without her. He'd spent the first 6 hours and 24 minutes working with Miss Jenny and Master Mills—and ultimately, ironically, his old pal the Horseman—to try to defeat Pandora and force her to release his Lieutenant, only to learn she'd actually expired. The dreams he'd had, sweet and aching moments with Abbie reflecting on their meet cute, time in the Archives, relaxing on their front porch where she'd tried to explain why he should let her go, would never suffice. He hadn't said the things he'd wanted—needed—to, hadn't explained how she'd helped save him: from roaming lost in this world, from imprisonment and institutionalization, from his son and the myriad monsters they'd encountered, from a wife who'd never truly been honest with him. And yes more important matters: from going mad, drowning in loneliness, feeling isolated, floating adrift in a world that still confounded him sometimes. And at times even saving him from himself. No, he hadn't said any of those things. And now he never could. Which is why he'd spent the next 49 hours and 52 minutes drowning his sorrows, his hollowed out chest, and his overactive mind in rivers of alcohol. He hadn't gotten smashed or wallowed in oblivion. No, he'd needed it to last, so he'd drunk just enough as the hours passed to keep the clawing ache in his empty ribcage from swallowing him whole. Miss Jenny had come by sometime around hour 32, banging on the door so hard he thought the roof would cave in. If he'd cared at all, he might feel concerned about her waking the neighbors in the dead of night, but he couldn't muster enough decency to. He'd ignored her at first, thinking she'd take a hint, or at least think him not home, but her insistent knocking continued. "I know you're in there, Crane." More banging. "Let me in there, or get out of my sister's house." It was a low blow, but one he deserved, for Miss Jenny had lost just as much as he had. If anyone had earned the right to drown her demons with liquor right next to him, it was her.

He'd stumbled to the door—okay, maybe he had gotten smashed, for he felt her knocking vibrate through his brain—bottle in hand, and unlocked it, turning the knob and walking away before he'd even seen her face. The slam of the door rattled the house but not him, and he shuffled back to his couch cushion, dropping down onto it, sipping from the bottle, and staring into the fireplace embers. Jenny said not a word, simply restarted the fire and plopped down on the other end of the couch, gazing at the vibrant blaze as it danced shadows around the room. After a few minutes, he threw out his arm towards her, bottle in hand, and she took it from him, downing a few gulps to try to silence the ache. She tried to return it to him, but he waved her off, waiting another 30 minutes before slowly rising—why did simply existing hurt so much?—and retrieving a few more bottles, which he'd purchased on his way home from that graveyard, from the stash in the kitchen. He placed them on the cushion between them, an open bar for them to sink into. Another few hours dragged by, and he felt more than heard Jenny crying at some point, the room changing from desperation, anger, and pain to grief and mourning, and he joined her, tears cascading down his face unabashedly. Their silence made their shared sorrow all the more palpable, exchanging emotions they couldn't speak aloud, the shroud around them sucking the whimpering breaths out of them as easily as it'd done to their partners. How could he have kept silent all this time, holding in and swallowing down the words that'd desperately begged for release? He'd tried to ignore them, the burgeoning affection, passion—now that it mattered no longer, he could admit it, cowardly fiend that he was—and love he'd harbored for Abbie since long before proprietary permitted it. He'd killed his wife for her, for Heaven's sake! And while he pretended mere friendship, ignored everything that screamed at him to make his feelings known, he hadn't hidden a damn thing. Miss Corinth, Betsy, even Pandora had seen his love for her. What an abominable fool he'd been. And now the one person who needed to know, who should've heard it from his own lips a thousand times over, never would. He let the tears burn down his face, though they washed none of his self-recriminations away. He deserved every horrid thought he had about himself. They ripped through his mind, scathing him, leaving him more raw and aching than he could ever remember feeling before. His entire body ached, joints, marrow, muscles, head, chest. And still he sipped on, needing the numb, refusing the full onslaught of trauma a clear mind would force him to face. He'd lost before, lost battles and comrades and his dignity. Lost loves and his homeland and best friend and life. His world and his wife and his son and the dreams he'd had and held and hoped for. Hell, he'd even lost Abbie a few times. But never where he couldn't get her back. Never where he couldn't find a way to follow, to find, to free her. And Master Corbin too. To lose both within hours of each other...they could shrivel into oblivion right now and it'd feel better than this. Master Joe had become his compatriot, his comrade in arms against the monsters and the daily dose of estrogen floating around the Archives—not that he'd trade the Mills sister or Agent Foster for ten regiments of men—not to mention a brother and friend. And Abbie...the ache in his chest seized him anew, and his shoulders hunched in against the black hole of despair threatening his breath. He couldn't begin to enumerate all the things she'd become to him. Partner, secret-keeper, fellow Witness, best friend, confidant, companion, roommate, voice of reason, inspiration, keeper of his heart. He thought he'd been in love once, had been in fact, but losing her had felt nothing like this. He'd sat in pain, suffered with the guilt that he'd not devoted enough to her, hadn't held tightly enough to a union that hadn't been what he'd agreed to, despaired that she'd died by his own hand in an effort to save Abbie. He'd had to—it hadn't even been a choice by then. Now, though, without Abbie...he didn't know how to keep breathing, wasn't sure he wanted to. Couldn't see beyond the bottom of the bottle. How could he walk through the world, the Archives, the town, this house, with memories of her around every corner, breathing down his neck, invading his mind, shredding the broken pieces of his heart into shavings? How could he solve the mysteries of the supernatural without her intellect, expertise, and help? What was one Witness to do without his other half, the best part of him, his anchor to this era? He couldn't sit still with himself and his maudlin ruminations another second. Without thinking, Ichabod hefted himself off the couch and shuffled down the hallway, making a pit stop before grabbing a box of tissues from the hall closet. He set them down on the cushion between them and took his seat again. Jenny had stayed until the sun was well into the sky, barely any words spoken but sharing the pain of their losses just the same. She'd stretched her hand out towards him, bridging the empty spaces around them with a simple reach of her arm across the cushion. He looked at her hand, open and alone in the expanse between them, and he slid his hand into hers, both of them holding on and squeezing tightly, attempting to convey all the things they couldn't speak with words. A moment later, she slipped quietly out of the house, the finality of the door clicking closed somehow louder than the slam she'd entered it with, sealing him into a solitude he'd never comprehend. More hours passed as he'd slept off the nasty hangover he wouldn't admit he had, as he sat in the bathtub letting the hot water steam over him until it cooled off and had him shivering, as he roamed aimlessly from room to room, gazing longingly at all the remnants of Agent Lieutenant Grace Abigail Mills: her hairbrush, those heeled boots that still left her a foot shorter than him, the cappuccino she'd just started drinking again at his behest, her pea coat with the faux-fur hood that made her look adoringly like a diminutive Eskimo. Now, just over 84 hours had passed, and he still didn't have a sweet clue as to how to get through the next one, still sat in this one corner of the couch, only this time without a drink in his hand. Without so many things... Without a case to work, without his partner in crime and, he'd begun to hope, in life from here until the end, without a purpose, he might as well lay back down in that cave he'd emerged from and sleep for a few more centuries. "Crane." Her voice, soft and lilting and perfect, floated to him, a haunting sound he both craved and feared. He'd thought he might have imagined her during his indulgent consumption of alcohol, but no...it was here in his lucid moments that he'd conjured the sound of her, the voice he'd long to hear until the day he drew his last breath. "Crane." She sounded hesitantly happy, guardedly optimistic, a smile coming through her tone. Exactly how he heard her in his mind, same as he'd done when she'd been lost in the catacombs. He shook his head slightly to escape from her, not ready for conversations with her yet, everything about him still too raw to face all of the things he needed to apologize for, all of the things he'd never had the audacity to tell her when she'd stood by him, encouraged him, spurred him on. "Ichabod." She accompanied her insistent tone and the rare use of his first name with a hand on his shoulder, and he nearly jumped out of his skin, scrambling up from the couch to face whatever ghoul had come to destroy his feeble, battered mind. And his jaw dropped. There she stood...Abbie. In one piece, small in stature but large in presence, beautiful and strong and...breathing. How could this be? "Abbie...?" His whispered question sounded more like a squeak, but he didn't dare try again, wasn't sure what devilry was at work here, arriving to destroy him when he was at his lowest, his most vulnerable. She looked at him, her expression a mixture of sadness and apology, a small smile of hesitation and hope playing on her face. "Hi."

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imagineclaireandjamie · 3 years

Note

Laoghaire dies soon after marrying Jamie. Jamie introduces his two stepdaughters to Claire.

To Have and to Make - Part 1 of 2

It helped that the girls stayed at home during the day, Marsali doing what she could to tutor Joanie in both reading and housework. Fergus could readily be counted upon to escort them when there were errands that needed running. They rarely stopped by the printshop without warning which meant that when Claire appeared out of the blue, Jamie had time to digest her appearance and at least begin to wonder the best way to tell her… everything.

“You’re awfully quiet,” she remarked as she put the photographs of Brianna back in their protective wrappings. The lass looked so much like him but the vibrant ruddiness of her hair in the images of her as a wee thing brought sweet, young Joanie to mind.

What would Claire make of the girls? What would the girls make of Claire?

“I know it’s a lot,” Claire continued, hedging drawing attention to the twenty years between them and stepping back from the gap. He looked to her, reached for her and took comfort from the fact she gave him her hand.

“It is, as ye say,” he replied slowly. “And I ken ye’ve had time to plan what ye’d tell me and I’m only sorry I’ve not had time to think on how to tell you as neatly–”

“I already know about Ardsmuir,” Claire interrupted. “It was part of how we were able to find you.”

“Claire… What I’ve to tell ye… Ye must know first that I’ve loved none but you and I never will love another as I do you,” he said, squeezing her hands, terrified and dreading the moment he knew she would pull them away.

“But…” she prompted him. “There is most certainly a ‘but’ coming. You’ve married someone else?” she guessed, her face falling.

He nodded and then quickly added, “But she’s passed – over a year ago, now.”

Claire visibly relaxed at that. “Do you want to tell me about her? Why did you marry her?” Curiosity and hesitation colored the questions.

“She was already ill when Jenny suggested the match. She had two young lasses and naught but a brother in precarious circumstances himself as could have taken on the care of them,” Jamie explained. “Jenny could see I needed… something… after I came back from my parole and tending to Balriggan and to the lasses – Marsali and Joanie,” he told her with a smile, “it gave me purpose again. And the lasses… I remembered what it was to lose my mam so young and sudden. Marsali was old enough to ken the way of what was happening – she tended her mother most of the time, though Jenny came to help Loaghaire through at the end. And Loaghaire did draw it out, her dying. Watching puir Joanie see that… made me grateful my own mam went quick and didna suffer.”

Claire was very still and quiet as Jamie realized he was rambling in his nervousness.

“After she passed, it was difficult for the girls to be at Balriggan and I’d fixed it up enough to bring on tenants, so I brought them here for a fresh start.”

“You married Laoghaire Mackenzie?” she asked, hurt and betrayal dripping from her tone.

“It was never for her sake,” he insisted. “Only for her lasses. They had next to no one and after losing you and the bairn… I ken ye must know what it felt like, even if ye only felt a fraction of what I did… And you had the bairn – Brianna – for some comfort.”

Claire was slowly shaking her head and Jamie felt his stomach drop, his chest tighten.

“I knew you must have done what you could to move on or… just survive. I know that…” she said, but couldn’t bring herself to look at him.

“But it doesna make it easier,” he agreed. “Knowing Brianna was happy and kent a father’s love wi’ Frank doesna make it hurt less that I couldna be there to see her grow, to share the joy of her with you… And Marsali and Joanie… that’s no what I’m tryin’ to do as their Da, either. There is no replacing what’s been lost – what might ha’ been and should ha’ been… for you and me or for them. But there can be comfort and joy in what we find and make of what we do have.”

Claire finally looked at him again, tears and uncertainty shining in her eyes. There was also an exhaustion to her bearing. She was tired of fighting, of holding her expectations and hopes at bay, of waiting to be disappointed. It was surprising to hear about Jamie’s marriage and the girls – it stung – but not in a way that felt like it would last. Laoghaire was dead. So was Frank.

“What do you want to make of it?” she asked, a little nervous. “What is it exactly that we have?”

Jamie sighed. “I dinna ken… but the only way to find out is together. And I believe the first step of that is for ye to meet Marsali and Joanie,” he told her, rising from the floor and wincing as it felt like every joint in his body cracked with protest.

“And what do you plan to tell them about me? About who I am?” She reached for Jamie’s hand to pull her to her feet as well.

“The truth. There’s no use lyin’ over who ye are – Fergus’ll remember ye well enough.”

“Fergus?” Claire brightened. “He’s here too?”

“Aye. He and Marsali are sweet on each other, though she’s a bit young to be thinkin’ in that direction yet. They ken it’s just a matter of time, so they’re bein’ patient about it. Fergus couldna afford to wed yet, at any rate, and Marsali’s no ready to leave Joanie on her own wi’ Laoghaire gone.”

“Fergus looking to marry…” Claire mused as Jamie prepared to close the shop. “It feels like only yesterday you brought him home from the brothel.”

“And what of Brianna? Has she a young man? Ye said Frank had passed. Is she on her own or…”

So as they left the shop and walked the streets of Edinburgh, Claire told Jamie more about Brianna – about her schooling, about Roger Wakefield, and about her own ideas of where the two of them might be headed. It was a safer topic than what lay at the other end of their walk.

But they couldn’t wander forever and eventually they reached the small house where Jamie lived with his stepdaughters.

#this got a little too long for it to work as a one-shot like I'd originally intended #so here's part one and part two will post tomorrow #Anonymous #mod; lenny #to have and to make

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kpop-zone · 4 years

Text

Blackpink reaction to their s/o being insecure because of shippers

Jisoo

Jisoo had noticed that something was bothering you for quite some time already. You didn’t speak up about your worries though and she didn’t want to pressure you into talking. Therefore, she kept quiet and simply opted to observe you in case your state would worsen. But overall, you seemed to be fine, so weeks passed without Jisoo ever figuring out what was wrong, and it took a stupid TV commercial to open her eyes.

The two of you were watching some TV when the teaser for the upcoming KBS Music Festival came on which caused Jisoo to chuckle.

“Great, now the shippers will go crazy again.”

She laughed amused, because the clip was cut very unfavorable and showed Jinyoung and her in the same scene.

Since they had been the special MCs for an award show together, countless dating rumors circulated, and a surprisingly high number of fans actually wanted to see them together. For Jisoo, this situation was really funny. She liked Jinyoung, he was a decent guy, but she couldn’t ever picture herself with him. Mostly, of course, because in her head, you were a fixed part of her future, but also because she didn’t think that Jinyoung and her were a good match. Therefore, she sometimes read all the weird conspiracy theories by the fans when she wanted to have a good laugh.

Apparently, however, you weren’t able to laugh about this situation. When Jisoo glanced at you, she could see that you were gulping thickly as if you were choking down some tears. Her demeanor immediately changed, and she reached out to grab your hand.

“What’s wrong, Y/N?”

She asked concerned, but you only shook your head in response.

It was clear to Jisoo though that something was bothering you. Intently, she thought about what could have caused your sudden mood change until the penny dropped at last.

“Jagiya, you’re not worried about Jinyoung and me, right?”

You stayed quiet for a while, confirming Jisoo’s assumption which made her feel guilty for not realizing it sooner.

“I’m not worried that you’ll cheat on me. But the rumors always remind me how much better than me you could do and that your fans would probably tear me apart if they knew that you are dating someone like me.”

Your words knocked the air out of Jisoo’s lungs, and she almost gasped in shock.

“What are you talking about? Please don’t say something like that ever again. You are the only one I want to be with and the only one that can make me happy.”

She stated clearly, wondering whether she hadn’t made her love for you obvious enough in the past.

“If you want to, I can talk with the management and ask whether they can make an official statement, denying the rumors.”

Jisoo wouldn’t let any possibility slide to make you realize that the rumors were absolutely ridiculous and that she didn’t want anyone else beside her but you. If those shippers were making you sad, she had to find a way to handle them.

Jennie

“What’s wrong, baby?”

Your question ripped Jennie from her train of thought, and she cursed herself inwardly for not being able to hide her emotions better.

“Nothing, I’m fine.”

She smiled, hoping that you would believe her. It would be selfish of her to complain about a thing that she knew was making you insecure. Exes were a delicate topic in every relationship, but those conversations were even harder when there were thousands of people out there that still wanted to see you together with your ex.

“I can see that you’re lying, Jennie.”

You softened your voice and laid one hand on her thigh in order to catch her attention.

In defeat, Jennie sighed, but still avoided your gaze. She couldn’t make a scene now, but if she saw the concern in your eyes, she knew that she would probably break down.

“It’s nothing important; just the same old. Rumors have spread again about...Kai and me. Just because we’ve been spotted in the same part of the city on the same night.”

Only saying those words were making Jennie feel nauseous. They brought back the memories about all the hate that she had received during her dating scandal and now every ship with another idol that she was being associated with made her anxious.

“Oh.”

You answered simply, causing Jennie to feel guilty for bringing it up.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I swear, I would have never gone to that restaurant if I had known that he was in the area too.”

She immediately apologized, feeling tears starting to pool in her eyes.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Jennie. None of that was your fault.”

You tried to flash her an encouraging smile, but Jennie could still see the insecurity in your eyes.

“I’m so sorry that you have to go through all of that because of me. If I could make it all stop, I would.”

She grabbed your hand and you squeezed hers tightly.

“It’s ok. I guess we both have to learn how to live with all those rumors.”

You sighed while smiling sadly.

Jennie wished that there was a way to stop people from stirring up both of your insecurities over and over again, but there was none. The only thing you could do was to try giving each other strength. Therefore, Jennie pulled you into a hug while apologizing once more for causing all that trouble.

Chaeyoung

New dream couple? 10 reasons why BTS’ Jungkook and Blackpink’s Rosé are a perfect match

When Chaeyoung read the headline of the newest article on one of South Korea’s most popular news pages, she rolled her eyes. For some reason, there seemed to be an army of shippers out there that wanted to see her and Jungkook together and were analyzing every little “interaction” of theirs to the smallest detail. In the beginning, she had ignored them, because there were a million rumors about her going around and she couldn’t pay attention to all of them. But when the voices of the people claiming that they were dating got louder and louder, she began to be bothered. Not because of herself, but because of you.

It was obvious that you were starting to feel insecure, because of the countless fans and reporters that were claiming that Jungkook and her were the perfect match. This article would only rub salt into your wound once more, causing Chaeyoung to feel endlessly guilty. Therefore, she immediately rushed home after work with your favorite takeout and some flowers in her arms.

“Hey baby.”

She greeted you happily right when she entered the apartment before snuggling up to you, causing you to chuckle.

“Hi to you too. What have I done to deserve all this love?”

You joked, but Chaeyoung just played it off.

“I love you and only you. That’s all.”

She smiled, but in that moment, you seemed to have realized what all of this was about.

“So this is about the article...”

Your expression changed immediately, and instead of your cute smile, a heavy frown was decorating your face now.

“I’m so sorry about that, Y/N. I don’t know where that is coming from again. I swear, I haven’t done anything. You are the only one for me. I would never do anything to fire up those ridiculous rumors. Please don’t worry about them.”

Chaeyoung started rambling, but she simply needed to make sure that you weren’t feeling upset. She knew where those insecurities of yours were coming from and they were absolutely valid, but she still wanted to free you of them; not only now, but sustainably.

Therefore, Chaeyoung started to be even more careful in the future. Not that she would have done anything to encourage the rumors in the past, but now she was paying even more attention to everything she was saying or doing. At award shows, for example, she always made sure to stand as far away from BTS as possible, so that there was not a single picture released that showed Jungkook and her in the same frame. In return, however, that lead to a number of opposing headlines.

All about the breakup of Jungkook and Rosé

Why do BTS and Blackpink hate each other?

Chaeyoung couldn’t care less about those articles though. As long as they helped to ease your insecurities, she would bare the hate.

Lalisa

“Which one sounds better, babe? LaBam or BamLisa?”

Lisa laughed while reading the newest articles about another addition to her countless ships; with her best friend BamBam. It was really amusing to her to watch all those fans colleting evidence to prove her relationship with the other Thai idol. Although she had to admit that if she wouldn’t know better, she might have believed those rumors too. Their stories sounded pretty conclusive sometimes.

“I didn’t even notice that I was looking at him!”

Lisa gasped before giggling when she looked at another Twitter post that made it look like she was looking at her friend in awe.

Her amusement soon died down, however, when Lisa realized that she wasn’t hearing any laughter from you. Confused, she averted her gaze from her phone to pay attention to you. You were staring ahead while the glistening in your eyes almost made it seem like you were about to cry.

“Y/N?”

Lisa called out your name in order to shake you from your trance.

“You would make a cute couple, wouldn’t you?”

You smiled, but the sadness in your eyes was giving away that you weren’t joking.

“What?”

Lisa asked perplexed, being caught off guard by your insecurities. She had never known that you were thinking about such things. The two of you were so happy together and Lisa had never even thought about dating BamBam.

“Oh, it’s nothing. Look, Leo is climbing up the curtain!”

Quickly, you tried to play off your statement by drawing attention to the cats, but while Lisa had to rush off to save her curtains, your question was still stuck in her brain.

This didn’t come from nowhere; you must have been seriously insecure all this time. A massive wave of guilt immediately washed over Lisa and she knew that she had to make it up to you. Therefore, she got off work early the next day in order to spoil you and treat you to a nice, homecooked dinner later that night. It took her several hours and some tries to get it right, but in the end, she managed to make some dishes that were actually enjoyable, and everything was ready for you when you came home.

“What is this??”

You gasped astonished and Lisa immediately wrapped her arms around your waist to pull you into the apartment.

“A token of my love and a thank you for always being by my side. I wouldn’t want to conquer this crazy world with anyone else.”

Lisa smiled, causing you to blush cutely.

It seemed like she had to surprise you more often from now on.

#blackpink reactions #blackpink #blackpink imagines #jisoo #jennie #chaeyoung #rose #lalisa #lisa #girl group reactions #girl group #kpop reactions #kpop #girl group imagines

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socalwriterbee · 3 years

Text

Confessions Part 4

Catch up on Confessions

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Book: The Nanny Affair

Characters: Marie Castro x Sam Dalton, Jordan Le, Jenny

Rating/Warning: Teen+, Some Adult Language

Word Count: 2,339 +

Song Mention:

You Oughta Know By Alanis Morissette

Si Una Vez By Selena

Summary: After a breakup, Marie seeks her best friend out.

A/N: Songs that were mentioned are in italic. Tried to my best to translate the part of Si Una Vez as best I could.

Tag: @thenannyaffair-fanfics

Characters belong to Pixelberry

********

Marie patiently waited for her friend to respond to her message. If anyone can help make things better it was her best friend.

Jenny squeals as soon as she swings the door open, really finding her best friend standing before her with a new look.

“Marie, how is it possible for you to look like a thousand times better in person?” Jenny hugs her tightly, gently pulling at the ends of her hair, not knowing if she really just a chopped off a good amount of her hair.

“You can stop pulling my hair. I really did cut it.” She laughs at her friend. “Are you gonna let me in? The champagne is waiting.”

Jenny releases her, pushing her to arms length, really taking in her friends new look. Skin tight black pleather pants paired with black Louboutin pumps, a revenge red colored crop top and her newly cut hair.

Jenny drags her by the hand and leads them into the apartment, slamming the door behind them.

“Don’t kill me Marie, but you didn’t happen to bring any orange juice?” Jenny asks, making her way across the island.

Marie shakes her head at her best friend, she wasn’t surprised Jenny didn’t have anything in her apartment. She had been the one who would stock up the fridge and cabinets with food. If it had been up to Jenny, they would only have vodka in the freezer. One she would bet a good amount of money on that being the only thing in the freezer right now.

“Jenny, do you at least have something to nibble on while we drink?” Marie asks.

She places the two bottles of champagne down on the counter, watching Jenny open and close the cabinets, then moves to the fridge.

“Here put this one in the fridge while I open this one. We’ll just order something to be delivered.” She tells Jenny, handing her one of the bottles.

“I have apples.. well an apple.” Jenny points to her sad looking fruit basket.

“One that seems to be well past being edible. it’s beginning to shrivel up.”

The popping sound of the cork makes Jenny jump, pulling out two glasses and handing them to Marie. After pouring and ordering some food, Marie kicks off her heels and takes her usual spot on the sofa, when one of them is going through a breakup, tucking one leg under the other. Jenny takes the opposite side of the sofa.

“What do we toast too?” Jenny asks.

“The future.”

Marie raises her glass to meet her friends, clinking their glasses together. Jenny eyes her with some concern, wondering what her friend had been through in the last twelve hours or so.

“To the future.”

Jenny takes a good drink of the champagne, while Marie tosses her full glass back, the bubbles tickling the back of her throat, leaving it empty and reaching for the bottle to pour more.

“So Marie, what the hell happened? Wasn’t everything going well between you two?” Jenny asks while tapping her well manicured nails on the fluted glass, impatiently waiting for her to answer.

“Is this situation fit for just drinking champagne? Or do I pull out the Vodka from the freezer?”

“It’s a start. It’ll get the job done.” She gives Jenny a wide grin. “Like I told you, it’s over between me and Sam.”

“How? Why?” Jenny sits up a bit straighter, again waiting for an explanation.

“Sam caught me kissing Jordan.” Marie tosses another glass back. “No.. No..” She wiggles her finger at Jenny “Sam walked in on Jordan kissing me.”

“Why would Jordan do that?”

“He confessed he has feeling for me.”

“No!” Jenny mouths drops open at the revelation.

Marie just nods her head. Last night coming back to her, making her head spin. “That’s not all, he told me Sam was seeing Lana behind my back.”

“That uptight blonde from the house warming party, the mother of one of Mason’s friends?” Jenny asks.

“The one and the same.”

“I’m gonna need you to start from the beginning and everything in between that led you to..to this new look and you chugging champagne like its grape juice.” Her friend said.

Taking a deep breath, Marie began the events of last night from Jordan surprising her at work to him telling her how he feels about her. The moment Sam walked in on them, him storming out, not waiting to hear an explanation of what he saw. It felt like she had been talking for hours, the one break Marie took was to get the other bottle of champagne while Jenny got the food they ordered.

“You need to try this hash..it's amazing.” Jenny hands her the container, as she takes the one Marie had in her hands.

“He just walked away. Left me there standing like a fool. All because he wants space. Because I believe or believed he would cheat on me. But look at how we started, Jen. He was engaged.” Taking a spoonful of the corned beef hash, the different textures from soft to crispy pieces to the exploding flavors of the salty, spiced and sour make her moan in agreement with Jenny.

“Sweetie, don’t get mad at me but.. are you sure he wanted to end things?”

Marie notices a shift in her friend, shaking her head at Jenny. She played Sam’s words again and again last night.

“I’m positive. He wanted to slow things down, wanted space. As far as I know we’re done.”

Jenny stayed silent.

“You don’t understand, wanting to slow things down from a relationship in the dark, a relationship a handful of people knew about. That’s what he meant Jen.” Marie snaps at her.

“Ok.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to..” Marie trails off.

“Don’t worry about it. Besides I got something, that always works.”

The look that appeared on Jenny’s face was a mischievous one, one she knew all too familiar, it was the same one she would give her when Jenny was going through a rough time with a guy.

Getting up from the sofa she walks away, coming back in a few seconds with a full bottle of vodka. She grabs her phone, connecting it to the sound system.

Marie hid her face in the palms of the hands, knowing what was about to come. “Oh no!! no..no..no!” She shook her head.

“yes…yes.. yes” Jenny begins to dance before the music starts. “Come on Marie, this song has gotten us..ok mostly me through breakups.”

The beat of Alanis Morissette’s ‘You oughta Know’ fills the apartment..

An older version of me

Is she perverted like me

Would she go down on you in a theater

Marie began bobbing her head to the beat as the song went on, until she jumps up and stands on top of the couch with Jenny, the both of them singing at the top of their lungs.

And every time I scratch

My nails down someone else’s

Back I hope you feel it

Well can you feel it

Well I’m here to remind you

Of the mess you left when

You went away…You

You..oughta know

As the song comes to an end, adrenaline runs through Marie, ok mostly the alcohol they had been drinking. But at this point it’s what she needed to get every feeling out of her system. Jenny’s breakup playlist continues to play and after finishing the second bottle of champagne, they made it to the bottle of vodka

They didn’t care how loud they were singing or the noise they made from dancing and the things that hit the floor after bumping into them. It was something they did, two best friends trying to help the other navigate through this moment in life.

“There’s a song.. a song.. I want to add..add..yeah” The words coming out of Marie’s mouth a bit slurred.

She grabbed the phone from the coffee table, trying to focus on searching for the song. Swaying back and forth, she jumped with drunken glee once having found it. The Marachi/Cumbia infused ballad came through the speakers, her hips moving to the Cumbia beat.

“Yass.. Get it girl.” Jenny encouraged her as she sat down, taking a little breather.

Marie did her best Selena impression, twisting and doing flamenco moves. She began singing.

Yo, Te di todo mi amor y más

(I gave you all my love and more)

Y tú, No reconoces ni lo que es amar

(And you won’t recognize what it is to love)

Si una vez dije que te amaba, hoy me arrepiento

(If I told you once that I loved you. Today, I regret it)

Si una vez dije que te amaba, no sé lo que pensé, estaba loca

(If I told you once that I loved you. I don’t know what I was thinking, I must’ve been crazy)

Si una vez dije que te amaba

(If I told you that I loved you)

Y que por ti la vida daba

(And that I’d give my life for you)

Si una vez dije que te amaba, no lo vuelvo a hacer

(If I told you that I’d loved you. I won’t do it again)

Ese error es cosa de ayer

(It was an error that was made in the past)

Jenny cheered her on until the end, not knowing what her best friend just sang and danced her heart out too.

After a moment of trying to catch her breath, she watched as Marie fell to her knees and began crying, her body shaking as it released every emotion she had bottled up. The act of trying to be strong came crashing down around her. She went to her and hugged her, whispering that it’ll all be ok.

******

Once she had sobered up somewhat, Marie called an Uber to take her back home, against Jenny’s best efforts to try and make her stay. They had come to an agreement of her moving back in. She wasn’t going to live in a place Sam was paying for besides she couldn’t afford the rent on her salary.

Making her way to her apartment, her vision a bit impaired, she fumbled through her bag for the keys, jingling as they fell to the floor.

“Shit.”

Bending down to get them, she stumbles a bit to the side, balancing herself against the wall before she could trip and fall over her own feet. The vodka and champagne still running through her system, she could make it, once she got up it was only a few more steps, she told herself.

Marie noticed a pair of shoes making their way towards her, her gaze began to travel until they stopped on grey eyes, his lips a thin line. He was reaching down to help her.

“I don’t need your help!” She put a hand out, stopping him before he could touch her. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Come on Marie, let me help you up.” Sam voiced calmly but filled with a bit of concern for her well being. “How did you get here? How much have you had to drink? And your hair, it looks..”

“What’s it to you? I’m a bit more sober then I was earlier. I’m perfectly..perfectly fine.”

Marie stood up too quickly and stumbled, she felt Sam wrap an arm around her waist, supporting her weight against his body. Grabbing her keys, he leads them into her apartment.

“Just stand there for a moment while I lock the door. I’ll take you to bed..I mean..uh help you into bed.”

“I’m fine Sam, I’m inside this beautiful penthouse you got for your mistress.” She twirls around, showing him the space around her. “So, you can see your way out. You can stand on the other side of the door to make sure it gets locks.” Marie hiccups, maybe she wasn’t as sober as she thought.

“I’m not going anywhere until I know you’re ok.”

Sam makes his way past her, grabbing her by the wrist and leading her towards the bedroom. Letting her go, he begins tossing pillows off the bed keeping just two. He pulls back the comforter to allow her to crawl in.

“Oh that’s real nice of you Mr. Dalton. Do you do that for all your employees?” Marie asked staring at him as he reaches for her.

“Get into bed, you need to sleep your over-indulgence off. I’ll be here when you wake.”

Marie starts to undress, pulling her top over her head.

“What are you doing?” The words coming out as a raspy whisper from Sam.

Marie stares at the man that left her. She was going to show him what he was going to miss. She began by taking off the heels that had been killing her since putting them back on. She unbuttoned and unzipped her pants, slowly lowering them and stepping out of them. Marie stood there in a see through black lace bralette and matching thong.

She could feel Sam’s burning gaze taking her in. She heard his breathing hitch and a smile came across her lips.

“I’m just getting ready for bed, Mr. Dalton. Just like you said.” She says coyly.

Walking pass him, running her finger tips across his chest. She climbs into bed, the softness of her sheets envelope her semi-naked body.

As she begins to doze off, the side of the bed shifts under her. “What are you doing here?” She asked him again.

She didn’t hear Sam respond, so she kept going.

“You shouldn’t be here. It’s over between us.” She yawns as her eyes begin too close. “Sam? Are you still here?”

Marie could feel her back pressing against the side of his leg. Sam caresses the newly cut strands of her hair.

“I’m still here. I’m not going anywhere..” He whispered.

“Can you do one last thing for me?”

“Whatever it is, I’ll do it Marie..I’m sorr..”

“Don’t fire Jordan.” She said before her eyelids became too heavy to keep open and slips into a deep slumber.

#the nanny affair choices #choices sam dalton #sam dalton x mc #tna sam #tna fanfic #choices tna #the nanny affair fanfiction #choices stories you play #fanfiction music #the nanny affair 2

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zalrb · 3 years

Text

tv rewatch: gg edition, ep. 10

“Hey, so has Blair mentioned who’s escorting her?” Nate, you cannot be serious.

“Every time I see her, she’s lighter, she’s happier, she’s less ... ... Blair.” Nate, sit down.

“With my dad in rehab, the pressure is off and I can see Blair clearly” but the pressure wasn’t on for your entire relationship, Nate. Shut up.

“Jenny, what are you even doing here?” Serena, that sounds way more hostile than you intended.

“Oh, hello, mother.” LOL Lily. She is SO unsung.

“Isn’t she’s great?” “She’s ... she’s great, she’s something.” LOL READ BODY LANGUAGE, SERENA.

This Chair makeout is one of my favourites just because in the bloopers, they kept going and going until someone was finally like, “You take your own cue!” and Leighton was like OH!

“And the prince, you know, he’s a great dancer and all.” Lmao, Nate, shut up.

Cece’s manipulation is kind of low stakes tbh, like she uses her illness just to get Serena to do cotillion?

Blair in jeans!

Blair texting Chuck while with Nate is pretty cute. Ah, I always get in my Chair feels in the first two seasons.

“Allison, I didn’t expect to see you ... here.” LILY’S SHADE.

Dan in his striped shirt.

His hair is steadily becoming less offensive.

LOL Sebastian Stan in this is always funny now.

“Where were you?” “Where wasn’t he? Gossip Girl even had a designated Carter map on Spotted.” Shouldn’t you know this, Dan, since, you know, you’re gossip girl?

“I also went pheasant hunting with the sheik while I was there.” I thought you disowned your parents and didn’t have their money?

Jenny’s dress is awful.

“Then you are grounded for a week” “WHAT???” Lol OK, Jenny.

I know I keep saying it but kdramas do class divides so much better. Cece’s speech is too pointed.

“I’ll tell you what’s going on, I just became your escort to the ball.” Lmao I feel like Dan and Lily are the same person.

“I would just like to say how proud I am of Miss Waldorf and her commitment to Mr. Archibald EVEN THOUGH HE RUINED HER 17TH BIRTHDAY...” this is the most teen thing Chuck has ever done.

I LOVE HOW OLD THE PHONES ARE and they were hot shit back then.

Serena does not look incredible, Dan.

“Serena, that’s what I’m trying to tell you, that woman is the most manipulative person I’ve ever met.” Except for me BECAUSE I’M GOSSIP GIRL.

OK but honestly, what Cece is doing is bullying not manipulation, it’s too direct for it to be manipulation. Telling Lily about that she’s sick so Serena can go to cotillion is manipulative, yes, but the rest of it is just straight up intimidation tactics, she’s using her money as a weapon. They could’ve also gone further with the Lily thing by telling Lily that this is what she wants but she doesn’t want Serena to know that she’s sick so Lily puts her foot down about cotillion and says she has to go or else, thereby making Lily the villain while she remains the cool, free-spirited grandmother because when that DOES happen, it’s too late. It should be an ongoing thing.

“She makes your mother look like Gandhi.” “That’s my grandmother you’re talking about.” LMAO LILY GETS NO LOVE.

“Let’s get Carter on the phone.”

This scene could’ve been better. Dan’s delivery of this revelation was pretty bad because his sarcasm took precedence that he didn’t try to speak to Serena delicately and Serena wasn’t asking the right questions. Dan is like “she offered to buy my dad off so I wouldn’t come tonight” and she’s just like “Nope.” Dan could be like, why would I lie? and Serena could talk about how there could be a mistake, she could call out Dan’s tone and then he leaves and when Cece comes instead of her automatically being like, k time for Carter, she could milk the grandmother routine and say how she’d never do such a thing, she doesn’t understand why he’d lie about this etc. Like manipulation takes a lot more subtlety than what’s going on. This is all way too direct.

Lmao Nate is so unbearable this episode.

“Make it stop, you sound like me.” LMAO, BLAIR.

Chuck is more manipulative than Cece.

Cece does look like she’s about to go catatonic after that “beds as many billionaires as she can” line though. Well done.

How did TVD do a better ball scene than GG?

I also prefer The O.C.’s cotillion. Lmao because it actually tried to look like a legit cotillion.

But The Pierces in the background is pretty atmospheric even though it’s also absolutely ridiculous that they’re performing at a debutante ball.

“SHE’S MY GIRLFRIEND.” oh, nate.

“And you said if I did this I could be myself but you don’t really want that do you?” “That’s not entirely true.” I DIED. LILY.

“All you care about when people look at me is what they think of you” but the thing is I need to see this? Like I need to see Lily being directly affected by Serena’s choices, see how society looks at her and their family for this to be more than dialogue.

I totally forgot that Serena had already slept with Carter.

“When I was your age, I would’ve been lucky to find a guy like you. And I kind of did.” That’s his father, Lily.

Also really, what was Rufus like in the past then? Like what kind of rockstar was he?

Oh Chuck, just can’t win.

Serena turning around to see Dan at cotillion is pretty sweet, ngl.

The problem with this cotillion plot line is that it’s too small. Like if this is about legacy and if this is actually about introducing Serena to society then we need to see what cotillion actually means in this world, we need to see how big of a deal it is, one reporter showing up to interview Blair doesn’t mean anything. We need to see Lily’s and Cece’s peers gossip and talk. Also if this is all about how Cece’s values are old-fashioned then either cotillion needs to be the traditional white dress, white gloves ball

or it’s what we see and Cece complains about how modern/contemporary it’s getting.

Chuck is so Chuck. “Hey! Have you seen Blair Waldorf?” reminds me of when I went up to an acquaintance and I didn’t say hi I just asked where my friend was, I was like “Where’s Scott?” and from then on he - the acquaintance - just called me “Where’s Scott?”

Chuck looks genuinely heartbroken at seeing Blair and Nate. *sigh* too bad they get absolutely terrible.

Nate’s grin is so cringe, lol.

Rufly angst! “I never should’ve let you let me go.” DE could never.

APOLOGIZE, YASSSSSSSSSSSSS. SONG IS STILL A BOP DON’T @ ME.

I’m holding on your rope got me ten feet off the grouuuuuuuuuuuuund.

I know this is a Derena moment but what makes it for me is Serena looking at Lily to see if she can go with him and Lily saying yes. It’s a Serena/Lily moment for me.

Oh Blair, Nate doesn’t deserve sex with you.

Chuck, leaving the city, you are so DRAMATIC.

xoxo, zalrb.

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