#this edit wasn't inspired by them but we did similar ones at the same time so it only felt right directing u to them as well hehe | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kellyteaquet · 2 years

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hello, I like that in your blog because you are not being hateful, but rather trying to bring and analyse evidence. so, about the serendipitygate, if we can discuss it, I would like to point out a few things: [p.s. I'm sorry it's really long]

• I. the fact that there are several accounts, so perhaps more than one person behind them:

• serendipity181818: (Instagram) they have commented under wagsf1 saying Max and Kelly were together before it was even a 'rumour' in November 2020 (Max had been liking her posts for a while (as had Lando), and I think they were already in a relationship at that moment, but no one had any concrete proof - and the photo of them together hadn't gotten much attention), followed many Dilara fan accounts (their account is still private, but they only follow two accounts now and deleted their comments) and then, in September/October 2021, they defended Kelly, especially on the Instagram account spillthef1gossip and sent threats to some accounts who were allegedly harassing Kelly.

• Serendipity1811 (Twitter) they posted the pic of Max and Kelly on Twitter + claimed P is Max's child as soon as they formalized (January, 1st 2021) + their Twitter name (the name you edit as much as you want) is serendipity1818 but without dot, so have they changed it to link their account to the Instagram account(s) (serendipity18.18 and/or serendipity181818), or was it like this since the beginning and the Instagram account(s) was(were) inspired? or are they all the same person? + they're following French media (so it can be someone from Monaco or near it (who speaks French at least) or someone who just follow the first big French media they've seen to make it look like they're a French speaker).

• serendipity18.18: (Instagram) they sent the first photo of Max and Kelly together to a gossip page on Instagram: f1truthwags + they follow Max and Kelly's family members.

• f1truthwags (Instagram) I would like to add them because their first post was the one about Max and Kelly, apparently sent by serendipity18.18 (who doesn't follow them and had never interacted with this 'gossip page' publicly). so, if f1truthwags wasn't created before, why would someone with this kind of tea send it to them? and exactly the same day as it was posted on Twitter? so it means either the person behind serendipity18.18 (Instagram) saw the photo of them on Serendipity1811 (Twitter) and then, decided to make an account on Instagram with the same (unusual) word and numbers to send it to an unknown gossip account? or someone saw f1truthwags post and decided to make an account on Twitter with almost the same name as an unknown Instagram account that sent the photo to the gossip account to share it on Twitter? It doesn't seem realistic at all for me, I'm pretty sure the two serendipity accounts are linked, maybe also with the gossip account.

• serendipity18.18 (Instagram) or Serendipity1811 (Twitter) posted the photo the same day (Nov, 22) as f1truthwags, so are the two (or three) accounts the same person, even if the names are different? their names are really similar. • how did they get the picture? did one of them have access to the private account of Max and/or Kelly's friends or was their friend's account not private and someone recognized Max and Kelly? or did they find the photo somewhere else? like someone that knows about their relationship (and maybe disagree with?) sent it to a group chat and someone leaked it? • is Serendipity181818 related to the first two? they appeared for the first time under the wagsf1 post (but I couldn't find the date) admin, if you have it, does this account appear around November 22, 2020? if so, it could be a link to the other two.

• II. could it be Kelly?

• we can all agree, I think, that the three accounts were created for one purpose: Kelly, either to expose her (and her relationship with Max) or to defend her. the question is whether they are obsessed with Max: so they try to find out about his private life, so Kelly; or with Kelly: so Max is collateral damage?

I think it's important because you don't create at least three, maybe four accounts, for no reason and for no purpose. what they follow, for the three Instagram accounts, shows that they are only interested in the relationship between Kelly and Max, (I think the fact they follow(ed) account dedicated to Dilara is important), but why would someone do this? and create so many accounts?

• what is strange, is that both serendipity18.18 (Instagram) and Serendipity1811 (Twitter) only shared the photo of them from October (and Serendipity1811 shared the disgusting post about P on January 1st, 2021 (as did f1truthwags one day after)) and then, they disappeared. but serendipity181818 (who commented about Max and Kelly seeing each other around November, I think) was still there nine-month after, and changed sides, going from exposing them in November 2020 (i.e. spreading a rumour) to defending Kelly under a gossip account on September/October 2021. it looks really strange to me, and illogical.

• serendipity181818 was well informed about their relationship, knowing they were seeing each other when Max was only liking her posts, so maybe they're from Monaco and had seen them? [unlikely I think, because you need a reason: flirting with Max and he went with someone else?] or they have a connexion with the other serendipitys accounts who somehow know Max/Kelly? (if the three accounts are not the same person). maybe they're close to Max/Kelly or they know someone who knew something?

their email address looks like Kelly's, (I agree that could be evidence), but it could also be someone hiding behind a fake email address to open this account, and that wouldn't be strange as their account has been dedicated to Kelly from the beginning: their first appearance being under wagsf1 about their relationship - but the American number is strange, if they are American and live there, how would they know? (even if there are a lot of foreigners in Monaco).

• I won't say it's not Kelly, because I don't have any proof, but I'm pretty sure she would never bring her own daughter into this mess, so I don't think she's behind serendipity18.18 and Serendipity1811, however, for serendipity181818, it's less certain. I don't know why she would comment about her relationship under wagsf1 and the comments made on spillthef1gossip account could have been made by someone who's trying to defend her by trying to put themselves in Kelly's place, so for example writing "mom and P" for "her mom and P", or thinking they never met during the race she went to the Replay Gala, but I still find this account weird. and like the other two, it just disappeared from one day to another. strangely replaced by another one, janssenj776; do you think this account is linked to this or they are just defending her as a fan would do? (to be honest, I have less suspicion for this one).

• if Kelly isn't behind serendipity18.18 (Instagram) and Serendipity1811 (Twitter), why would she choose the same name serendipity to create a fake account to defend herself? • also, the meaning of serendipity is really interesting. according to the Cambridge dictionary, it means: "the fact of finding interesting or valuable things by chance" for me, it could either be someone finding the photo by chance (in the possibility that it's someone else person), or Kelly being 'lucky' to find Max?

• III. if it's not Kelly, then who?

for me, two other options seem credible (excluding Kelly): (especially for the Twitter account and one of the Instagram accounts: serendipity18.18)

• someone that knows them: and that can have disagreed with their relationship or, it may look stupid, but jealousy is a thing and Max is a well-known athlete, who was single for a few months, and attractive (at least I think so 😅) and maybe he flirted with them (or it's one of their friends, or someone Kelly flirted with), so I think they could have seen the picture (because they're close enough with the person who posted it) or someone sent it to them and/or they send it to a group chat and someone leaked it, or sent it to someone and that somehow ended on Twitter, or maybe they made the Twitter account Serendipity1811 themselves? (they're obsessed with "1811", it could be a date: November 18th, it could mean something to them? this is really unlikely, just a hypothesis). it would explain why they only posted on November 22, 2020, and then, made a hateful tweet after Max posted her on January 1st, 2021 (I say 'hateful' because they were saying Daniil isn't P's dad, but it was Max, so both cheated on their partners). but in this case, who is serendipity181818 that expose Max and Kelly in November 2020 but defended her against everyone in September/October 2021?

• an (obsessive) fan of Max: someone who digs everywhere they could to try to find information about him, but how could they have information about this 'party' then? in this case, I don't think changing their opinion would be that weird. they followed many Dilara fan accounts, but I don't really know if it's relevant 😅

• IV. more or less a conclusion:

• the whole thing is strange as hell, it doesn't matter if it's her or not, it's crazy and scary. always the same word, almost the same numbers, they have a lot of accounts, they switch sides... and disappear. they had access to the information before anyone else, but I can't understand why Kelly would do that, but at the same time, that it's someone else makes sense and not at the same time. I'm completely lost (and afraid of this person, no matter who they are😭).

I would really like to know what you think about this (in your posts that are well done, you forgot to mention it wasn't only serenpidity181818 but also the others two or three accounts).

I would like to have your opinion, whatever it is, because this thing is really really strange! 🤗

thank you so much for this! it was a very interesting thing to read! just a few things that we want to point out:

- kelly lived in america for a while, so it’s understandable that she had that number. we forgot to add that the +1 number was also added to her shop account, but now the number doesn’t show, an email does so that’s why we didn’t include it.

- we don’t think she’s behind the twitter account simply because what they said about penelope being max’s daughter. we don’t think she’d bring her kid into this, or at least that’s what we hope.

- why would kelly do this? from our point of view (we’re sure that some of you also see it this way), she’s an attention seeker. she’s proven that she loves any type of attention and who can bring her more of what she wants than a rising f1 star? this wouldn’t be the first time she would be spreading rumors about her and max. remember that not so long ago, someone found out (someone from monaco who had a small connection with a relative of one of kelly’s friends) that the rumors about max and kelly getting ‘engaged’ were fabricated by her and her friends. kelly proceeded to follow some wedding dresses brands to fill the rumor, so we wouldn’t put it past her.

you can find this theory and more on our masterlist

#kelly piquet #f1 gossip #f1 wags #piquet #max verstappen

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fenoderee · 3 years

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Shinya [Drums] Interview

Our fourth solo interview is with Shinya, who is the foundation of the band. Shinya has been focusing on simple phrasing and groove in recent years, so how did he approach his latest album "Oboro"?

Basically I don't think about the details, I just do what comes to my mind and I don't worry about it.

-It seems that the songwriting process started very early on, but did you have the new album in mind from the beginning?

Shinya: That's right. I've been working on the songs for the new album. So we decided to release a single, and we talked about which of our existing songs we should release as a single, and "Oboro" was chosen.

-In your case, I personally feel that you've always written songs with a lot of energy or beauty. When you were thinking about the album, what kind of ideas and images did you have in your mind in the early stages of composition?

Shinya:I didn't really think about it before I wrote the song, I just started writing it, and as a result, I couldn't write anything but intense stuff.

-When you say "intense," do you mean songs with a fast BPM?

Shinya: That's right.

-There are several ways to compose a song, how did you do it this time?

Shinya: Recently, I've been using a plug-in guitar instrument that I really like. It has a lot of heavy sounds in it, so I just play it and think about what I want to do.

-What kind of composition system do you currently have at home? It is known to your fans that you are an Apple fanatic, and you seem to be changing to the latest version every year. Do you use the same kind of system for your compositions?

Shinya: It's the other way around, I'm very minimalistic now. I only use one laptop for composing.

-Do you want to install all your DTM software on the computer?

Shinya: That's right. I don't play guitar anymore when I write songs, so I've removed the audio interface. It's a very compact period.

-At the time of this writing, you are touring the country with the "Meguro Rokumeikan Gig", but if you take that computer with you, you can compose music in your dressing room?

Shinya: If I wanted to, I could, but I don't think I will (laughs).

-Did it change the way you came up with the ideas and the process of shaping the songs?

Shinya: That's right. When I used to compose, I used to play my guitar at home and write riffs by myself. But now I don't have a guitar and I'm working on it, so I think the guitar phrases I make have changed.

-So the intense songs you wrote were not chosen for the single, but do you have any plans to make it into the album?

Shinya: The song wasn't selected when it was written, so it was probably rejected (laughs).

-That's not something to say while laughing (laughs). By the way, Shinya, you're the type of person who actively goes to see other people's live performances. I think the main reason is because it's your favorite band or artist, but I also think that seeing a live performance can stimulate you in terms of calligraphy and creative therapy. Now that I have become a member of Corona, I can no longer go to live concerts, and DIR EN GREY has almost completely stopped performing. What do you do for musical input in such a situation?

Shinya: Hmmm... I don't think so at the moment (laughs). Especially when it comes to music.

-Do you ever go through various albums and videos by yourself?

Shinya: No, I don't. I just use what I have inside me right now.

-Shinya's musical tastes are well known to his fans, but is there anything new that has resonated with you during this composing process?

Shinya: Hmmm... I haven't explored anything new in the other solutions.

-Did you go back to your roots and what you like?

Shinya: No, I didn't think about that too much, I just made the songs naturally.

-How did you spend your time at stay home, as a musician and as an individual?

Shinya: I was doing nothing but editing videos (laughs). That's why I was spending most of my time on my YouTube channel.

-I've been watching it for a while now, and I'm also a subscriber to the channel, so please answer me politely (laughs).

Shinya: Oh, thank you very much (laughs).

-Of course it's fun to do, but is there anything exciting about it?

Shinya: When I was working on it, I thought that it was very similar to songwriting. You can keep working on it, and it never ends.

-If you want to be particular, you can go all the way.

That's right, even for a single video, there are endless things you can do.

-The timing of inserting a subtitle, the choice of font, etc.

Shinya: Yes, yes (laughs). Once you start paying attention to the details, there's really no end to it. It's similar to songwriting..

-Is Shinya the type of person who spends a lot of time focusing on various aspects of a song, even when he's writing it individually?

Shinya : With DIR EN GREY, I always bring the original songs to the studio before I've finished them. I know that as the members' ideas come in, it will definitely change from the shape I've created. That's why I don't go into too much detail (laughs), I only make it to a certain point because it's going to change anyway. I try to make it so that the members can understand the side of the song.

-You said that when you select songs in the band, you don't know who wrote which song. Do you ever get feedback from the band members afterwards?

Shinya: I was asked afterwards about the songs I wrote this time. "That's Shinya's song." Then, he said, "Oh, I liked it."

-So you've had that conversation? If you listen to the demo, do you know who made it?

Shinya: Yes, you're right. Yes, I don't have a definitive answer, but I can vaguely tell.

-Although it wasn't adopted, it's nice to be told that it's your favourite song.

Shinya: Well...yes, but the song selection is a majority decision.

-There are always multiple layers to a song, but each time you're inspired to write a new song from a different angle?

Shinya: No, I don't have any particular plans at the moment, since I'm in the middle of an explosive screening (laughs ). Once the songwriting starts again, I'm sure I'll be motivated like you said. I still have my computer with me, but I'm not writing songs, I'm collecting videos (laughs).

-That's a good point (laughs). You've been working on the album for a long time, what do you hope to achieve with it?

Shinya: Up until now, I've been thinking of songs that can evolve in a live setting, but this time, even if we make an album, we don't know if we will be able to perform live or tour like we have in the past. So I've been thinking about it with that situation in mind.

-In other words, rather than evolving through live performances, do you have a sense of construction that evolves completely during the production process?

Shinya: Well, to put it simply, it's a nuance.

-Do you want to take a different approach to the drums?

Shinya: No, when it comes to drum phrases, I don't think about the details, I just do what comes to my mind. I don't worry about it too much.

-What was your impression of this single, "Oboro", when you heard the original song?

Shinya: Well... I was working on several songs at the same time, and I don't remember what the original "Oboro" song sounded like.

-Were the other songs that you were arranging and pre-producing at the same time too strong for you?

Shinya: It was all very strong. The drum approach for "Oboro" was just what I thought of when I heard the original song, without any worries.

We're going to do a live performance for an audience on the 6th of May, but we don't know what's going to happen after that, so we're going to do it as if it might be our last one.

-You said that you often set up an electric drum machine at home and make drum arrangements while playing, is this the same style you used for "Oboro" and the new songs you were working on?

Shinya: When I'm thinking of drum phrases, I don't use an electric drum but just use the mouse. In the past, I used to focus on the basic groove of the song, and I used to add drum phrases while actually playing the drums. But the period of thinking while playing is over now…

-I didn't know you had such a time frame in mind (laughs). Thinking with the mouse is a way of avoiding the first days of DTM, isn't it?

Shinya: Yes, it's the way we did it in the beginning. I think the period of time I was thinking about it while I was in the city changed my way of thinking about drum place. It's hard to describe it in words (laughs).

-I'll take care of that. I'm a subscriber to the Shinya Channel, so be nice to me (lol).

Shinya: Well, I guess I should say I've got it all figured out. I've learned about the advantages of using an electric drum and the differences between using a mouse and thinking with an electric drum, and now I'm able to create phrases and grooves with just a mouse while playing the electric drum, so I think it's not a problem. I can now type in rhythms and phrases with the same time signature as if I were actually playing.

-Do you find it easier to come up with something unexpected by not thinking of phrases as you play?

Shinya: Yes, one of the advantages of playing the piano is that you can create phrases that you can't edit. You can create phrases that you can't edit with your own hands. That's why I started thinking about drum arrangements by typing with the mouse in the early days. In this song "Oboro", I used the mouse a lot in the A melody and other phrases. The demo phrases that I came up with using only the mouse were much stronger and weaker, but when I actually played them on live drums, I couldn't get that level of intensity.

-Do you mean simply the volume?

Shinya: That's right. The core of each sound has to come out properly in live drums, so even if you add a strong instrument, if it's too weak, the core won't come out. The image was different from the one I had in the mouse, but it turned out good, so I didn't have any trouble. I also thought a lot about the guitar in the drum braise of "Oboro". It's the solo part.

-It's a drum approach that is making a difference.

Shinya: Yes. I tried to make a good movement when I hit it. The form of the striking and the movement of the arms are flowing.

-You have a large number of cymbals anyway, and they are set up around the effects cymbals. Effect cymbals have a shorter blue sustain than normal cymbals. That's why when you use a lot of cymbals, do you consider the tendency of the sound of each cymbal and the length of the sustain while constructing the phrase itself?

Shinya: That's what I'm trying to do, to make it so that it's smooth and the previous movements flow. But when we were recording, we didn't talk about it that much. At the live show, I think "I used this cymbal on the recording, but I'll use that cymbal at the live show", so at the live show, I try to pursue the movement more.

-You‘re a drummer who can go beyond. You mentioned that you bring the same cymbals and settings to your recordings as you do live?

Shinya: There are as many cymbals as there are live, but the tycoons are more like two thimbles, two toms and one floor. It's a set of two toms and one floor.

-I think it's important to be careful when making drum sounds.

Shinya: Yes, it is. The drums are the most important part of the sound. I leave it to the tuner. I asked the tuner to listen to a demo of a drum phrase that I typed in with my mouse, and then I asked him to create a drum sound that would fit the phrase. I didn't start working with the drum tuner on recordings until 2019 (The World of Mercy), and he also joined me on several occasions during the tour. The sound on that tour was so good that we started asking them to play on 'The World of Mercy'. It's easier to make a good sound in a live setting, but if the tuner can make a sound that I'm happy with, then I can trust him for the recording. For the recording of "Oboro", they tuned it to the sound I had imagined from the beginning.

-I get the impression that you always do your recordings without getting bogged down, but this time?

Shinya: Just like that. We also recorded the coupling song "T.D.F.F." at that time, but we didn't get stuck. But I recorded it part by part, so it took a bit longer. If I'm happy with the intro, I'll go on to the A melody, and so on, starting from the beginning of the song. It takes a lot of concentration to record each part. Also, sometimes the song isn't written until the day before, so I haven't memorised the phrases yet (laughs). The structure of "Oboro" wasn't even ready until the day before we recorded it. So when I played it, I put the recording side by side and concentrated on each part.

-What did you think of the coupling track "T.D.F.F."?

Shinya: I didn't change much in terms of drum phrases, but I tried to give it a bit more energy. As a result, there are a little less detailed snare phrases than on the original version.

-When you do a self-remake, do you tend to go in with a different stance than the original?

Shinya: It depends on how it's arranged. If the whole arrangement is completely different, I'll consider it a controversial piece and work on it. But basically, I try not to change the original phrases. When SUGIZO joined X JAPAN, he said, "Classical phrases are all different depending on the performer, even if the phrases are not changed“ . That's why SUGIZO said he was playing the same phrases as HIDE. That's why I want to show that although the phrases are the same, they are actually different.

-It's all luck. Even though the phrases are the same, each note is different, and this progression is the growth.

Shinya: Yes. It's a bit embarrassing to call it growth, but I think it's different even though it's the same phrase. But there are things that only the ward of that time could do, but there are also things that only the ward of today can do.

-What mode are you in as a drummer in 2021?

Shinya: I don't really think about it, I just want to play a good drum.

-When I started thinking about the phrases in Mouse, it was also the time when the Band started performing and touring overseas, and the Band's drummers and musicians that I played with at festivals and other events were always saying, "The drums in DIR EN GREY are so circular and amazing. I wondered if Shinya had some kind of special meaning behind the way he phrased the songs“ .

Shinya: Even if I say I've gone back, the way I put it on is completely different from back then. I was thinking of doing something complicated back then, but now I'm thinking of making it as simple as possible. I'm saying that now, but I think it will change depending on what kind of new songs I'm going to play. I'm going to release "Oboro" as a single, but I don't think you can see the spirit of the album from this song alone, in fact I think the album will have a completely different feel. In addition to "Oboro", the other songs on the album will have more impact in the direction of things. I may have done something uncomplicated before the drums... (laughs).

-By the way, today was the first time you met your fans in Osaka, are you getting more excited about the show?

Shinya: Yes, I am. We're going to play to an audience on May 6th, but after that we don't know what will happen. So I'm going to do it with the mindset that it might be my last live. I'm looking forward to seeing how it will be expressed in the actual live performance.

Text/ YUKINOBU HASEGAWA, HIROKI KATAGIRI [GiGS/Equipment]

Photo/ REISHI EGUMA [C-LOVe CREATORS]

Translations by me.

#Dir en grey #Dir en grey Shinya #Dir en grey translation #fan translation #interview translation #Shinya #GiGS #Oboro #Dir en grey Oboro #magazine

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katnissmellarkkk · 3 years

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Summary: At the Seventy-Fourth Reaping for The Hunger Games, volunteering is outlawed, thanks to a tribute four years prior. Because of this, when Katniss’ sister Prim’s name is chosen from the bowl, there’s nothing she can do but hope that Peeta Mellark, past victor and now Prim’s mentor, can somehow bring her sister home alive. (Obviously heavy on Everlark.)

AN: Hi! I don’t really have a big author’s note or anything--at least, I don’t think I do? We’ll see how long this trails on--but this is one of the fics I’ve been working on for a while. It’s multi-chaptered so there’s gonna be a lot more coming in the future, but this first chapter is honestly a little similar to the original book, with some (significant) deviations here and there, but after this first chapter, this story becomes extremely different from canon. I gotta thank, obviously, @rosegardeninwinter for a). making me my pretty lil banner and for b). reading the million, unpolished, unedited screenshots of my drafts that I’m sure ya’ll got tired of really quick. And also for encouraging me to write this in the first place. And also, I gotta thank everyone who liked and reblogged the lil story edit I posted months ago for this concept. It really encouraged me to write this concept out. (I’m talking about this edit right here if you forgot or never saw x). Okay, anyways, I’m talking too much but thank you! Also link to this story on AO3 [x].

Chapter One :

I stare out into the sky, introspective, as I wait for familiar footsteps to approach. The footfalls of my hunting partner, my friend even, Gale, still remain absent, despite our longstanding agreement to hunt on Reaping Day, no matter how hot it is, or how scarce the game, or how worried we may be deep inside.

Of course, how could a couple kids from the Seam not worry about Reaping Day? At least a slight bit, deep down?

Reaping Day. The day that decides the almost absolute fate of a lucky—as our assigned escort, straight from the Capitol itself, so proudly proclaims—boy and girl.

We're District Twelve. The smallest and one of the poorest districts in the country of Panem. There's an almost guarantee that whoever gets their name picked from the reaping bowl, even the strongest eighteen-year-old boy in the district, will have an almost sure fate of death. Likely before the number of tributes drops below twenty.

Tributes from our district almost never fare well inside the arena.

Almost never.

We have had a few winners in history, two of which are still around, but a few out of seventy-three games isn't inspiring much hope in anyone today.

The wind breezes against my arms, prickling the hair at the back of my neck, and I'm struck by the memory of being out here, in the forbidden territory of the woods, outside our district limits, when I was just a kid. When my dad was the one hunting and I was just along for the ride. Just along because I wanted to be with him. When I used to blindly trust him and my mother, when I thought he'd live forever, when I was too young to truly grasp the concept of the Hunger Games. When I was too young to truly grasp the concept of the world in which we live.

When I was eleven my every illusion was shattered violently. Almost as violently as the death in which my father must have endured, underground in those mines, as they exploded.

I remember hearing the alarm at school, blaring so cacophonously over the speakers that it shook the schoolrooms themselves. I remember blindly grappling through the scurrying bodies of my classmates, until I found my way to my little sister, Primrose. Her room was completely empty, but she still remained, sitting behind her desk with small folded hands, waiting for my arrival with excessive patience.

I'd always coached her on what we'd do, if there ever should be a mine accident. I made sure she knew the drill, just as I knew it. Like the back of my hand. Like a prayer or a lullaby. I could recite it in my sleep. Because my father had just as sternly instilled it into me.

I wove my way through the chaos of bodies and white-hot panic, towing Prim only inches behind me by the hand, as the kids from town lingered in the hallways, their classic, bright blue eyes large and their voices all quivering, and as the kids from the Seam dutifully made their way to the nearest exits, hoping and praying and begging silently that it wasn't their parent who had been hurt. Hoping the accident hadn't taken what was typically the sole provider in most households, here in the poorest section, in the most impoverished district.

Prim and I must have not hoped hard enough, because we learned almost immediately upon finding our mother, who was now immobilized with grief, her characteristic gentle smile eviscerated and in it's place, a blank stare, void of any life at all, that our every fear from hearing that alarm were coming true.

My mom was supposed to get a job. She was supposed to find a way to provide for us, to take care of her two daughters, who were grieving her husband just as much as she was.

But instead she lay in bed day after day. On the good mornings, maybe if Prim begged and pleaded, she'd move to a chair, in front of the fireplace and stare at the flames with the same vacant expression that had replaced the loving, kind woman who'd raised us.

The money from the government, the minuscule amount of money given to keep us afloat until our mother found work, ran out. The meat our father had hunted, the plants he'd saved, ran out. The food we had the small luxury of sometimes buying—or more times than not, trading for—quickly ran out.

And our mother still did absolutely nothing.

I take a deep breath now and try to force myself to forgive her. Forgive her for not being strong enough to keep going, forgive her for not caring enough about her own children to keep them alive in the face of her grief, forgive her for being so in love that losing my father had almost killed her too.

I know it's what my father would want. And I know it's something I can't let myself do. Because if I let her off the hook, it's like saying it's okay that she almost let Prim wither away to nothing. Forget me. I will never forgive her for almost taking my little sister away from me.

Our mother did absolutely nothing until Prim's ribs were prominent, until my stomach was nearly hallow, until our cheekbones were so blatantly obvious you could count them from down the road.

And all my fears, all my resolve, to keep the three of us together as a family, went out the window. There was nothing left to do, but wait for me and Prim to be taken to the Community Home, with the other orphans or kids from unsafe families. Kids who still remained too thin, who's eyes told stories no ear wanted to hear, who still wore bruises upon their skin like freckles from the sun, who looked nearly worse than the corpses I encountered every winter, while walking from the Seam to town. Those corpses were the unlucky ones who'd actually starved to death, who had sat down to merely rest, because they had no substance to carry them any further, and somehow never got back up.

On that day, at eleven years old, living in the Community Home sounded no worse than living with the immobilized shell that had once been my mother. My resolve to hold out until my birthday, until I could get the tesserae that would feed my family for an entire year, was shattered by the harsh raindrops pelting me from the grey, unforgiving sky.

I vaguely heard the baker's wife, the mean-spirited woman, with her deeply embittered, hostile blue eyes that somehow seemed black, scream at me, calling me names, shooing me from her property.

I'd simply wanted to rummage her trashcan, so desperate for any small morsel to take back to Prim, any motivation to take even another step forward, when I felt her rough and calloused hands shove me away.

I toppled over, my legs already weak and shaky from lack of nutrition and substance. My depleted form laid on the ground, my eyes bleary from exhaustion and the shivering wind and rain.

The witch went back inside the bakery as I scarcely conjured up the will to sit upright. I was beyond done. The fighting to even gain a fraction of my mother's awareness, to get something, anything, to feed myself and my starving sister, to even stand up, became overwhelming and I felt the last bit of my resolve crumble from deep inside.

Let them come and take me and Prim to the Community Home. I don't care any longer. Let them come.

Out of the corner of my eye, a boy exited out the same backdoor the witch had gone through. He was carrying a bag of trash in his hands and my famished mind focused on that first, focused on what could be inside the contents of that bag, on what a baker could potentially be throwing away, before I realized the boy was in my year at school. I knew him, or at least, I knew his face. But he stuck with the other blonde-haired, fair-skinned town kids and I didn't even remember his name in that moment.

In hindsight, that's absolutely hysterical now.

But he evaporated as soon as he'd appeared and I closed my eyes and let the rain drown me, hoping perhaps I could be swallowed up within the downpour itself. Hoping that perhaps I'd never have to face the reality that I was out of options and I had nothing of subsidence to take home.

But then I heard a clatter and a clang and the sound of a scream. It was her, the witch. She was screaming and calling someone names my own mother had never even uttered in my lifetime.

I mentally prepared myself for her to come back outside, to drive me away with a stick or a knife. Or possibly even a hot, scorching prong.

But it wasn't the witch. It was the boy, the one from my year. The one I thought went back inside after taking out the trash, that I believed didn't even notice me before.

He was carrying bread. Two loaves, in fact. The crusts were black and burned and the welt across his face told me, without a doubt, that he was the target of the witch's insults. That he was the victim of whatever clanging noise I heard.

And though I was the one starving to death, I didn't envy him having her for a mother.

I remember vividly, the most crystal clear image I have of this day, the boy checking and making sure the witch's attention had been claimed elsewhere. And then, without even glancing in my direction, he tossed one loaf of bread to my feet. Seconds later, the other followed.

He didn't hesitate to head back inside after that, and I've spent more time in these last four years than I'd more than likely care to admit, wondering what possessed him to commit such an act of kindness. No one was kind for free, I'd learned by that point.

And yet, as I shook myself forcefully out of my stupor, and carried the loaves back to my house at the edge of the Seam, I had no explanation for his simple act. I had no basis to explain why he would help me, when no one else ever had.

The next day, I saw him at school. I passed by him in the hallway, and saw his eye had now blackened, his cheek welted, but somehow he still managed a joyous smile. He didn't notice me then. He was surrounded by his friends. Like always, he was surrounded by a constant crowd.

He is, after all, one of the most charming and sweet people Panem's ever known.

Later that day, when I was about to walk home with Prim, who was excitedly chattering about the leftover bread awaiting us on the kitchen table, the bread I'd brought home the night prior that had filled our stomachs for the first time in months, I caught the boy looking in our direction. My grey Seam eyes met his baby blues for a microsecond, before he looked away. I snapped my gaze downwards too, embarrassed, when I caught sight of a dandelion.

It was that moment that a bell went off in my head. That I saw how I could survive, how Prim could survive. How, through the things my dad had taught me, I could keep me and my sister alive.

After that day, I could never stop associating the boy with the bread, the one who gave me hope, with the dandelion that reminded me I wasn't doomed.

I never stopped associating him with his simple act of kindness, even when he became famous for some much less appreciable acts.

And I never stopped kicking myself for failing to thank him, for saving my life and my family's life, before he was whisked away, to a land far from Twelve, called the Capitol. When he later returned, now a part of a much more elite social class, thanking him for his kindness became even less of a possibility.

A girl from the Seam had no business seeking out a boy from Victor's Village. Even if I did have the guts.

Though he isn't exactly in good company here in Twelve, seeing as the only other person who holds the same title is a drunken, middle-aged man who can barely form a coherent sentence most days and lives like a hermit by his own volition.

My thoughts are interrupted by the quiet—almost as quiet as mine, but not quite—steps of Gale.

"You're late," I state without turning around, pulling the cheese from my pocket. "You're lucky Prim's cheese held up under the sun."

But Gale pulls something even more impressive from behind his back. "This will probably go nice with it," he says and I almost gasp.

Fresh bread is so rare in our district, generally reserved for the Peacekeepers and perhaps a merchant who is having a good day. Here in the Seam, fresh bread from the bakery is as common as new school shoes.

Gale updates me on his day as we split the bread and cheese and have our own version of a small feast. He'd gotten to the woods early, while I had been still at home, and shot a squirrel to which he traded for the bread.

"The baker really went for that?" I ask in disbelief. The baker was a subdued, large man, who resembled all three of his sons quietly strongly, and was one of my dad's best customers. Sometimes I think he still trades with me and Gale out of respect to my dad's memory, but a simple squirrel for a loaf of fresh bread isn't common.

"I think he was feeling generous this morning," Gale suggests a little snidely, his bitterness leaking through. "Besides. It's not like the Mellark's need the money they ask for bread. They could easily skim off their precious son and he'd probably never notice."

Gale has a special affinity for hating anyone and anything associated even minimally with the Capitol. He was lost his father in the same mine explosion I lost mine in. But whereas I don't let myself get too worked up over the inequities between the town and the Seam, and especially between us all and the victors, Gale takes a special pride in fuming over the things he cannot change.

I don't mind listening usually, since neither of us can speak our minds in public or even within our own homes, out of fear small ears will pick up on our words and repeat them elsewhere. But today, I just don't have the energy to be a sounding board.

Instead I take a segue towards a slightly different topic, but one, without a doubt, weighing on both our minds. "Prim has been having nightmares of the reaping," I murmur solemnly. "She's convinced they're going to call her name."

Gale shook his head, his demeanor becoming more subdued now. "Least Prim's name is only in there once, Catnip. Rory had to take tesserae this year."

I nod silently at that admission, knowing what it must have cost him to even allow his little brother to take additional risks of being called. Knowing it meant his family of five must be even more hungry than he leads on.

We don't say much more after that, only lingering in the woods long enough to catch some additional game from what I've already collected, and hurry back to town to trade.

As we walk back to the Seam, having divided up our goods evenly, Gale murmurs suddenly, "I might be able to stomach the idea of Rory's name being in that bowl six times if we were still allowed to volunteer."

I bypass his words the best I can. I don't want to think about what Gale must be going through, making himself sick with worry, not for himself but for a sibling in which he considers himself responsible for. And, as it happens once in a lucky moon, I feel grateful that my tesserae is still sufficient for a family of three, and I don't have to worry about Prim the same way. Her one entry pales in comparison to the thousands that are piled in that bowl.

Still, the silence between us as we walk is deafening and I can't take it any longer as we come closer to my house. "At least then, you'd get to see the Capitol," I say lightly, as a means to brighten his mood, even just a little.

At that, Gale rewards me with a humorless smirk. "Generous of the president, isn't it? To allow us district people to experience the great Capitol firsthand while they slaughter our family."

And it's true. Just a few years ago, it was allowed to volunteer as tribute in the place of whoever's name got chosen, as long as you were the same gender and between twelve and eighteen on Reaping Day.

But four years ago, when a twelve-year-old boy volunteered for his seventeen-year-old brother, an outrage sparked across the entire country. People are never happy, in any district, to see a twelve-year-old be chosen for the games. They're the youngest, the smallest, the most innocent, and never in history had a single one made it past the Final Fifteen in the games.

So when one volunteered, the country wasn't pleased in the slightest. However, like always, the anger was contained by Peacekeepers in a matter of weeks, and promises came pouring out from the Capitol that a change would be made after the games that year to ensure never again would this situation occur.

And it never again could. Because three days after the Seventieth Hunger Games, President Snow announced that all volunteering, from that point forward, was officially banned.

This new law is even more ironic when you realize that the twelve-year-old volunteer from that year became the youngest victor in the entire history of the games.

Still, I suppose the president was feeling generous that day, and he threw in a bonus treat for us in the districts. Now when someone is chosen from the reaping bowl, though their fate is sealed definitively when their name is uttered, they get to choose one family member to take on the train ride to the Capitol with them, to get a special viewing of the games with the mentors and the sponsors and the past victors, to get to experience the wonder that is the mysterious Candy Capitol firsthand.

However, when all is said and done, twenty-three family members must ride the train home alone to their districts, with their loved one in a casket beside them. The thought chills me to the bone and I shiver as me and Gale wish each other good luck. We probably won't see each other again until it's time for the customary dinner we all try to put on with our neighbors to celebrate, even minimally, that we've survived another year unchosen.

Prim is already wearing my first reaping outfit when I enter the house, though it is a bit large on her. She's slimmer than even I was at Twelve, despite her having months on me when I attended my first reaping.

I get ready quickly, if only because I want to spend time with her before we have to go. I protect Prim in every way I can but I'm powerless against the reaping.

Still, she's only entered once and that's as safe as anyone can get from being chosen. It's almost unheard in the Seam to be that safe from the games.

But my sister never did appear like she fit in here anyway. Her golden blonde hair and sky blue eyes resemble the merchants, not the Seam, and her and our mother stick out like sore thumbs next to our neighbors.

Our mom is restless now, busying herself with preparing the food for our small feast tonight and braiding Prim's hair and then mine.

I still haven't fully forgiven her for leaving us when we needed her most, but I also can't imagine how difficult it must be to have to send both your children off to be potentially chosen for an absolute death. And I let her hug me as I guide Prim out the door.

Attendance is mandatory for all in the district, but the ones viable for being chosen and those just watching don't typically enter together.

I guide Prim by hand into town, the walk feeling longer than it did with Gale. Perhaps it's the trembling twelve-year-old I'm towing, or perhaps I'm more afraid than I'm even admitting to myself.

After all, unlike my sister, I have twenty slips with my name splayed across this year. It's not as a bad as someone like Gale, who has forty-four chances of being called. But it's not as safe as the kids from town, who likely only have to worry about a handful of slips with their names.

Its not that they're rich by any standard, but they get by better than those in the Seam. Even if they're hungry, they're not at risk of starving, and no one is going to sign up for tesserae unless there is no alternative.

A year ago, my mother let it slip once over dinner, just out of the blue really, that my father had always sworn no child of his would be in need of tesserae.

I shake my head, as if to physically rid myself of the reminder. I don't want to dwell on what my father would feel if he were here. I don't want to be reminded how different things would be if he hadn't died.

I help Prim sign in and then drop her off, as gently as I can, with the other girls her age. At the last minute, she pulls on my hand, yanking me back to her with surprising force.

"Prim, I have to go stand with the sixteens," I say as she leans up and kisses my cheek.

"I just wanted to say I love you," she whispers softly, her big blue eyes so terrified, and then she steps back into the crowd of twelves surrounding her.

I sigh softly and give her what I hope is a reassuring smile. She truly is the best of our parents. Kind, smart, level-headed. She's funny and resourceful too, even if she can't take hunting animals herself.

She is the only person I'm certain that I love. And just about the only thing that keeps me going most days.

As I make my way to the sixteens, straightening my mother's dress on my hips, I check the clock. Only five minutes before we start. Before our lovely Capitol escort, Effie Trinket, reads off two names in her distinctive, afflicted accent. Before two kids know they're never coming home again.

This place isn't much. But it is all we've ever known, and no one wishes to leave it.

As more people crowd in, I begin to pick up an excited buzz in the girls surrounding me. Already knowing what I'll see, I crane my neck just the same, to peer up at the stage ahead.

Sure enough, I see exactly what I knew I would.

There's four chairs set up on the stage. One for Effie Trinket, because no one from the Capitol could ever bear to stand for more than three minutes at a time and she must have a seat to relax in before she calls out the names and sends two of us—a lucky boy and girl, as she says it—to the slaughter.

One of the other chairs is occupied by Mayor Undersee. A man who looks like he's been beaten down by life too many times as it is and would rather be anywhere but here. His daughter is my age. She sits with me at lunch, since Gale is two grades ahead of me and we rarely see each other at school. We make polite small talk but other than that, I barely know anything about her, and by association, her father.

However, it's neither of them that's stirring up the buzz within the crowd—admittedly, more so with the female portion of the crowd—and it's definitely not Haymitch Abernathy, who's stumbling on stage right at this moment. He managed to win the Fiftieth Hunger Games and I still can't imagine how. He's a paunchy man my mother's age and he's never sober, on the rare time he's even seen in public. Today is no exception, as he flops onto a chair gruffly, and murmurs something unintelligible with his eyes closed.

No, the murmuring, the now batting eyes and coy smiles, the soft vibrato still traveling within the crowd, are all because of the last guest of honor, walking upon the stage right behind his old mentor.

Peeta Mellark.

Winner of the Seventieth Hunger Games. Youngest ever. District Twelve's first and last volunteer. The twelve-year-old that changed the rules for the entire country.

The youngest mass murderer in history of Panem.

And now one of it's most beloved celebrities.

Peeta is smart—brilliantly smart—and he's always been charismatic. Even at twelve, he had the Capitol audience, as well as every single soul watching on television at home, eating out of the palm of his hand.

It doesn't hurt that at sixteen, he's become quite a looker. His blonde curls, his blue eyes, those long lashes and bubblegum pink lips. His fair, perfect skin that has not a blemish in sight. His toned, muscular body and devastatingly genuine smile that no one can help but fall in love with.

He's also the boy who saved my life. The one who committed the simple act of kindness, knowing it would cost him, to help me.

I never thanked him. And now I never can, as I'm sure he has zero memory of me. After everything else that's happened to him since, after the last four years of living as a Capitol darling, as one of the country's most cherished victors, he'd never remember the starving eleven-year-old he threw some burned bread to in a rainstorm.

But I remember him. I don't know if it's what he did for me that day or what he did for his brother only a matter of weeks later, but something about Peeta Mellark crawled under my skin four years ago and ever since, I've never been able to completely shake the feeling I get inside upon seeing him.

I break my gaze away, refusing to stare at the boy, who I will always accredit as the one who saved my life. I venomously refuse to gawk at him, like every other girl in the district.

He rarely comes out of his house when he's home here in Twelve, and I know the overzealous amount of attention he receives just by going to his parents' bakery has to be at least a part of the reason. Unlike Haymitch, who has lost his clout and his appeal with age and with deterioration, Peeta has only gained more and more notoriety as the years pass by.

You'd be hard pressed to find anyone in Twelve, outside of a few outliers like Gale perhaps, who'd say a negative word about Peeta Mellark.

Of course, rumors about his random and long stretches spent in the Capitol itself are always floating around, no matter what time of year it is, but they don't affect his public persona or anyone's opinion of him. He is, after all, the most valuable figure Twelve has and perhaps the only thing we can take any pride in.

Effie Trinket steps up to the microphone just as I turn my head away from the stage. "Welcome!" She greets, so vivaciously, so brightly, I can't imagine it even resonates in her head that she's just moments away from announcing two of our impending funerals. "Welcome, everyone! To the reaping for the Seventy-Fourth Annual Hunger Games!"

I can't even bear to listen as she prattles on, with too much confidence and dignity for someone dressed in every neon color known to man, speaking in such a peculiar accent, with a thickly painted face that is so blatantly visible to the every eye here today, even in the back row. Doesn't she realize how ridiculous she is to us? Doesn't she realize how wrong it is to preach about the morals and disciplines of the Capitol, in such a prideful voice, when they're the ones about to murder us for entertainment, and in repentance for a long over war that only a few elders can still remember?

As I advert my eyes, my gaze travels once again to the back of the stage, and I'm more than a little surprised to see Peeta Mellark with a similar expression as mine. He, too, is shifting his eyes elsewhere, away from his own escort, looking sick to his stomach.

Of course, it still can't be easy for him, even with his own games four years in the past. He was a literal child when he volunteered and it's fact that he didn't understand what he was getting himself into when he took his brother's place that fateful day. His innocence was stolen as soon as the countdown ended and talk still circulates, even in the Hob, that he wakes up screaming most nights, calling out the names of fallen tributes. Though those words are not given much weight in the Seam, as we all know, people get bored in this tiny district and bored people begin to spew lies whenever encouraged.

Effie continues, in a long overdone mantra, one I could recite in my sleep, the same one she spews every year, that two kids from every district must be chosen to battle to the death in a new and invigorating—one of her favorite words—arena, in order to pay for the blood shed during the rebellion and war, in order to ensure we'll never again even think to rebel.

It would almost be easier to swallow, this whole charade, if the people sent from the strange land of the Capitol would just be honest and blunt with us. If they'd just admit that they see us as lesser than, as animals or beasts of some sort, as less than human beings. It'd be easier if the Capitol spokespeople would just outright say, "we'll take your children, we'll starve your district, we'll ruin your homes, we'll broadcast the deaths of those you love most, all to keep you too powerless to fight. In order to make sure you never are able to stand strong, we have to kick your legs out from under you first."

Instead of being honest though, Effie Trinket is reiterating the Treaty Of Treason, in a tone so serious that it takes all the self-control possible to stop several boys standing in the fourteens from bursting out laughing. Her accent and a serious tone do not mesh well together.

Once she's done though, my heart automatically skips a beat. Because, after four years of standing in this square, I know exactly what's coming. "Ladies first!" Effie announces and I feel a bead of sweat glide down my forehead, both from anxiety and from the overload of heat. Reapings always take place in the start of the hottest month of the year.

Standing in my mother's well-crafted dress, one of the most luxurious pieces of clothing we own, only makes my perspiration worsen, as the dress was clearly made to keep the wearer as warm as possible.

Our district escort makes her way over the bowl containing the names of every girl eligible to be picked in the entire district and I feel myself take in a breath involuntarily.

There's twenty chances she's going to call out my name. Twenty chances I'll be sent to an almost imminent death. Twenty chances Prim will grow into her teen years, and later adulthood, without a sister.

The gut-churning fear I'd repressed all morning, in that moment, overtakes my entire being, curling up like a ball in the pit of my stomach, as I do my best to listen on baited breath, somehow expecting to hear my own name spoken through the raucous microphone for all to hear.

Don't be me, I whisper inside my head, more fearful than I'd ever admit out loud. Don't be me. Please, don't be me.

And, as it turns out, it's not me.

Instead it's the name I never in a million years thought I'd hear. The name I believed to be so safe I didn't even allow myself to worry about her.

"Primrose Everdeen!"

#everlark #everlark fic #thg #the hunger games #thg fic #everlark fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #my writing #everlark fanfiction #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #writing #fic #fics #au #aus

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anendlessdawnfalling · 5 years

Text

⭐ Berry Berry Benny!! ⭐

Here is my late review and opinion of Kurenai Yuzuru's last dinner show in August. I had a hard time to assimilate everything that happened these last months, beware of it's length and I hope you love Hoshigumi. Good reading! 💖 I'm sorry if it comes up to you completely, I don't know how the tumblr editing works. 😰 (I'm not sure the songs listing is entirely accurate.)

It was an emotional evening I must say, I deeply love Kurenai Yuzuru and it was overwhelming. I must admit that I'm not entirely sure of the rightness of my timeline, since quite some time passed. I attended the event in Osaka on shonichi, and everyone was very nervous including myself. The dinner show was held at the International Hankyu Hotel with approximately 500 attendees. The ladies at my table were very lovely, we chatted a bit and of course the easiest subject to talk about was Kurenai Yuzuru! Beni's parents were also in the audience closer to the stage.

🥂 DINNER 🥂

The dinner itself was very nice, and was a four course meal inspired by French cuisine. The Menu was written in French and Japanese, a very cute touch. Most of the sentences made sens, but there's still some work to be done, my proposition is that Hankyu should stop using Google translate and hire me instead. As hilarious as it is, we wouldn't want another "Nouvelle / Chinois " to happen.

Dinner was served in that order; Hors d'oeuvres was raw Bream with veggies and carpaccio. L'Entrée was a piece of lightly fried tilefish with a celery and chestnuts buttery sauce. Oddly the taste remembered me of my mother's cuisine, so it's good. The main course was red meat topped with mushrooms and a light sauce, it was accompanied by asparagus, cabbage and potatoes. My only concern was the bread they served with it, if you ate Japanese bread before you might know what I'm talking about. I highly despise the baguettes there because it tastes like cheap Subway bread, that was my very Taurus rant. Finally, the dessert was a red Opéra cake decorated with a Kurenai 5 colored coulis, fruits and a star chocolate. It was ADORABLE.

For the drinks, there was a wide variety offered, one of my favorite was the Asahi 紅 beer. The servers kept generously filling my wine glass, which I can't complain about. I preferred being a little bit tipsy because I didn't know how it was going to go.

🌌 SET 🌌

The stage was a very shiny deep blue tone and was adorned with some glossy columns. A very galaxy note! (Or metaphor because Beni's the God of Stars) The room was giant and pretty cozy at the same time, maybe I'm highly biased because I love Hoshigumi fans aura. The last time I was in a room that luxurious was for a wedding, which Takarazuka events always remember me of, weddings. One could say that, I'm easily impressed by gigantic crystals chandeliers and very elegant tables settings.

There were two rows of chairs at the back of the room, and just before the show started a few Hoshigumi seito sneaked there before it went dark. After a quick glance I remember seeing Arisa Hitomi, Asamizu Ryou and Amaki Homare. There were many more of them that I didn't manage to get a good glance at.

✨ SHOW ✨

As the room went dark and the lights started to flashes toward the stage, the audience deeply anticipated Kurenai's arrival. I started to envy the others closer to the stage, that would have a better view and I regretted to not have brought my opera glasses with me. However she didn't appear right away, and took quite some time to make the audience more excited. Guess what? She bursted of the door right behind me in a beautiful red suit, startling everyone while running and singing. I almost had an heart attack and didn't regret petty things anymore. Thus began Berry Berry BENNY!!

The "supporting" cast was composed of Tenju Mitsuki, Kisaragi Ren, Kizaki Reo and Shirotae Natsu. Everyone jumped out of the stage as Sayumi made her arrival and the first song was Berry Berry Benny. Which by that point my table mates and I were quite shaken by everything that happened. Truly only Beni can pull something like that over and over again and still surprise me. ( Throwback to Stella Rossa) After the song, the cast proceeded to introduce themselves and chit chat a bit. Kurenai asked if they were in Tokyo, Mikki corrected her and she kept laughing. (She NEEDS vacations.)

The second song was Ai no rengoku from Anna Karenina, performed by Beni alone. A very dramatic start I must say, Mr.Karenin left a deep impression on her. Her interpretation was very venurable, and truly delightful if you love her non comical side.

Special talk segment 1: Two chairs were set up for Sayumi and a guest plus a life sized shiny cardboard of Beni. However it was not the regular Kurenai Yuzuru who came on stage, but Beniko in one of the most horrible costumes I've seen on her. Renta was the first guest of the Beniko show, they spoke teasingly of other Hoshigumi seito about how everyone was crying so hard on raku. Both of them were diabolically laughing. As the time went out, the Kurenai cardboard would illuminate and menacing threats would come on. Naachan interview was sweeter and shorter than Renta, she admitted that she cried on raku unlike someone else. Beniko, Renta and Naachan proceeded to sing Raimei. I wasn't ready for the absurdity of the situation, and I must admit I haven't laugh that hard in so many years.

To leave time for Beni to quick change costume, Ren and Natsu sang Yume Butai [ À bientôt ]. Their voice sounded really great as a duet! ♡ I was especially excited for this because it meant Renta had an extra special moment before her retirement. Nacchan and her are really positive people and you can feel this vibe as they perform. Furthermore, an upperclassmen musumeyaku is a delight to see highlighted.

Beni-chan no usomitaina honto no hanashi: A magical story of Beni's life. She narrates/sing the whole thing with highlights of her life and her love for Takarazuka. From what I remember; Mikki was child Beni, Renta as the creepy Butler from Meichan, Natsu as what I suppose was Beniko and Reo was André. (I might be mistaken, I'll correct it if that's the case. I have a goldfish memory.) Cute anecdote: Her dream was to be André in the RoV shinko, but she was appointed as the Grand Chamberlain and was very sad about it. They also made passive-aggressive jokes about Koike sensei, it made me crack.

LUCKY STAR ! Or a cute reminder of where she started, I was very happy she included that song and I felt like a mother hen. It was a nice transition with her earlier storytime, it's joyful, energetic and very her. ♡ She gave us a very explosive and all over the place performance.

Surprise drum rolls, what you wanted to know for so long and the answer is YES. The glorious Kurenai 5 made the comeback we were all waiting for, or more so the Kurenai 3. Beni, Renta and Mikki were in their old matching T-shirt and nostalgia hit me hard. I almost missed the mullet Beni used to have. Then entered the missing members life sized cardboard, both Reo and Naachan made their respective member dance through the song. No one was expecting this, the whole room was filled with laughter. They then talked about the origins of Kurenai 5 and what fun experiences they had in the past. They pointed out that the band would officially not work anymore, as it would be just 1. Beni proceeded to tease Mikki quite a lot. Both Ichijou Azusa and Miya Rurika had recorded a message for their dear leader, in which Beni was delighted to hear. Renta and Mikki then proceeded to slam their microphone to the cardboards during the intervention. It was hilarious! Both Miyaruri and Shiiran were at the raku in Tokyo, so if the DVD is that recording we'll have the delight to physically see them. Sayumi thought Shiiran sounded very ladylike and that Miya sounded very sleepy, like she should go to sleep.

Your favorite song by Benny was a segment where she proposed us three different songs that she could sing for us. After the vote she discarded the audience opinion and did the one she wanted, Smile from Meichan's Butler. (Very her to do that) Unlike the other times she walked through the audience as she sang, and I started to get nervous again when she headed toward the back of the room. She was taking the time to look at everyone very carefully and lovingly. Then she was in front of me and the world fell down. It was THE BEST two seconds of my entire life. I was very much horrendously blushing , but hey Kurenai Yuzuru and I shared a glance while she sang the creepy Butler song? Very shoujo like situation, a part of me fell in love with her all over again. Otokoyaku are very convincing at their job, they don't need to do much to amaze me.

Special talk segment 2 with Mikki and Reo.

Beniko came back with an even more horrendous outfit than the first one; another awful red gown orned with lines of gold and silver sequins. Oversized trumpet sleeves with feathers on the end, a wig worthy of a Ghibli old witch and topped with numerous fans of herself.

Mikki's interview was the longest, and the one to which Beni's cardboard was the most aggressive. Both her and Reo talked about the whole taidan situation, the troupe loves so much BeniAiri. They're as emotional if not more than fans about this. Mikki and Reo came back on stage and joined Beniko to sing Killer Rouge. Another absurd situation, where Beni's gaze was her cool otokoyaku look but she was dressed similar to the old ladies she always mocks about.

Hoshi wo tsugumono was MikkiReo's duet. What a very dangerous duo they make, both their voices are pretty warm and l had a few butterflies in my stomach. I'm sorry for betraying you Sayumi!

Random selection ;

I believe it's a free for all section and that must choose a song according to their mood. That night the ensemble sang Om Shanti Om as Sayumi went off stage to get a quick change. Boi do Hoshigumi loves that production, their enthusiasm really shows while singing this particular song. They went through the public and did a few handtouch. Renta stole the fan of an audience member right in front of me and decided to refresh herself with it. Reo was having her usual bright sunshine energy, Mikki was being an Ikkemen far away from me competing with Natsu. The bright wave of Hoshigumi energy was filling the room, and you could feel the love.

Kurenai came back on stage, dressed entirely in white and we all knew what that meant. The final song was A piece of courage, from Scarlet Pimpernel. God does she LOVES that show most ardently. It was her only lead shinko role and her first Grand theater show as a Top Star, she always seemed to live her best life as Percy. She always look so hopeful when she sings this song, it is VERY touching. Special metion to Aachan who sang it as well at her music salon, if it's not being soulmate I don't know what is.

She got a curtain callback and sang Goodbye from Catch me if you can. Yes, she did that again. As if it wasn't enough from the sayonara show and every other opportunity given to her to sing this. I can honestly say a cried a river again and that I'm in a love hate relationship with that song.

This woman doesn't know what to say to her audience, even thought we made her come back twice. She just told us to go home and that it was over in her lovely kansaiben, I love it. ♡

The show was really fun and I'm really happy I got to go, I hope I didn't forget anything. They rehearsed after having to do one if not two performance a day , and only came out late at the night. They've all worked very hard in such a short amount of time, and the result was GREAT. Kurenai Yuzuru is a real entertainer, a star and she adores it. She puts so much love and energy in her work, it's truly admirable. I'm delighted to have been able to follow her career until now and I'm very glad I focused my attention to the wobbly Mercutio many years ago. She made me cry, laugh and dream. I love her SO much.

My final words are going to be her motto:

Never give up!! ☆

#kurenai yuzuru #takarazuka revue #takarazuka #hoshigumi #kisaragi ren #kizaki reo #shirotae natsu #tenju mitsuki #my messy thoughts #i love her so muuuuuch

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nadziejastar · 5 years

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So how do you think Isa would act/react after being saved, if they had gone with the mind control angle instead? Because, by my understanding, it wasn't a "clean" takeover, like with Terranort, instead more of a gradual infection until there was nothing of Isa left in Saix, enough that he hadn't noticed it himself. I feel like after the fact there would have to be a lot of soul-searching to figure out where Isa had ended and Xehanort began.

That’s a very great and also very complex question. It’s going to require a pretty long response, since there really are SO many plot holes to fill in. But I feel like any explanation I give won’t make sense without knowing what exactly happened to Isa in the first place, and what the true nature of Saix is. And I can’t do these concepts justice unless I go into detail. You’re absolutely right that Saix is very different from Terranort. I have a theory as to why Saix is such a unique case and it has to do with his orange eyes.

Three elements combine to create a life: a heart, a soul, and a body. But what of the soul and body left behind when the heart is lost? When the soul leaves the body, its vessel, life gives way to death, but what about when the heart leaves? A being does not perish when its heart leaves its body. The heart alone disappears into the darkness.

But first, in order to explain what I think happened to Isa, it’s important to get down to the basics. This chart is the most analogous I could find to the metaphysics of Kingdom Hearts. A complete person consists of three aspects that combine to make the true self. These aspects are Body, Soul, and Heart. When these three aspects are united, they connect the person to the Higher Self, henceforth referred to as Spirit.

Body: Pretty straightforward. These are the 5 senses. The biological “shell” we exist in to interact with the physical world.

Soul: “Soul” and “mind” are used interchangeably in KH. It’s basically our life force, as well as the “database” of accumulated lifetime experiences. Our memories, our thoughts, etc. All information is recorded here like on a hard drive.

Heart: The seat of our emotions that allow us to form interpersonal relationships. The Heart is absolutely vital because it acts as the bridge between the Spirit and the lower aspects of our being. If the Heart is compromised, it cuts someone off from their connection to their Spirit. If it breaks it also cuts them off from the Soul and Body.

Spirit: This term describes a person’s essence when they are connected with the Divine Source. This would be their true, fully conscious and aware, spiritual self. This is the complete self that is capable of making fully conscious decisions with love, meaning, and purpose.

Kingdom Hearts mythology borrows heavily from ancient shamanism. There is a term called “soul fragmentation”. Minor fragmentation can disrupt soul energy and cause someone to not feel fully alive and engaged in life, develop chronic depression, addiction, etc. However the most severe form occurs when a living being is tormented into feeling extreme pain or suffering, especially when the trauma is repeated and they are never given the ability to heal. When the person reaches their breaking point and they cannot take the pain anymore, they will disassociate from their body and reality in order to get relief, and the soul will fracture into pieces. The ego that has been hurt or traumatized literally splits off and hides itself away. The most extreme type of soul fragmentation is where the soul leaves the body entirely and is caught between realities. Not dead, but pending in the astral realms.

It’s a natural and healthy survival mechanism that protects your soul from being annihilated, and shields the individual from the pain of severe trauma. But it also hinders the being from experiencing completeness. Since soul fragmentation is a natural coping mechanism, most of the time it is not severe and the fragments return on their own once things settle down. But this is not always the case. When the trauma has been particularly severe, repetitive and accompanied with extreme feelings of vulnerability and zero safety, the fragments do not return to the body. They refuse to return for fear of repeated trauma. Fragmentation may continue even after the consciousness has transitioned from the body.

Xehanort: Your body submits, your heart succumbs—so why does your mind resist?

Unfortunately, when the soul becomes fragmented it also makes possession by a low-vibrational spirit possible at the moment of dissociation. This is because nature abhors a vacuum, and will try to fill the void with something to be complete. When someone is not self-aware, they become susceptible to dark forces that can overpower their consent. A negative entity can keep the fractured pieces trapped in time, enabling full control of the possessed person.

This was what the Lingering Sentiment (also called the Lingering Will) was. A disembodied soul fragment of Terra that had taken up refuge in his suit of armor. The residual thoughts and sentiments that Terra had at the moment of his possession. Unable to move on, it remains trapped in that moment of trauma. It has a will of its own, but it’s not a truly conscious being in the way that complete humans are.Soul fragments are similar to a ghosts or poltergeists.

What it comes down to is this: if you can control the thoughts of the mind, you can control the soul, and you will then have control of the physical body. This is what Xehanort was attempting to accomplish with his mind control experiments. He wanted to fracture a person’s soul in order to make them a vessel. Fracturing the heart doesn’t work, because that results in the total breakdown of everything, including the body, which is the only thing Xehanort actually wants.

Mickey: You want him to dive back into Sora’s sleep? But Master, Sora’s heart is down in the darkest abyss. If Riku’s not careful, he might just get trapped down there with him. No… I’ll go instead.

The more fragmented the being, the more disconnected and less evolved the consciousness gradually becomes. If it is not healed and remains that way for long enough, it enters a danger zone; it continually sinks into the lowest dimensions of reality, where the personal shadow of the individual’s psyche and the collective unconscious start to flow together and merge.

Where this merge with the collective unconscious occurs, dark shadow beings start to emerge and multiply. In other words, the soul enters the the demonic realm, or the Underworld. This is no doubt what inspired the idea of the beach in the Realm of Darkness and even the Pureblood Heartless. The beach represents the meeting point between individual’s shadow self and the shadows of the collective unconscious; the darkness inherent in all people.

Yen Sid: The “Sleeping Keyholes,” are harder to reach. You’ll recall, in your first journey, that you brought many worlds back from the darkness–but some never returned completely. They still sleep, cut off from all outside channels. Not even the Heartless can enter.

If the soul is still not healed, it goes even deeper than the Underworld. In KH terms, that would be the Realm of Sleep. It becomes totally unaware of what is happening in the “surface” world as it escapes to a place of total darkness and safety with no conscious awareness whatsoever, just like going to sleep. In physical reality, it results in a sleepwalking, amnesiac or trance-like state of consciousness.

So if they stuck with the mind control plot, how would that affect Isa’s true consciousness? Basically, he would be in the same boat Sora would have been in if Riku didn’t dive into his heart to save him. Same with Terra if Aqua didn’t jump in after him. He’d sink down into the deepest, darkest abyss. Would Isa be conscious of what’s going on with his possessed self? Well, the spirit is only consciously aware of the contents of the soul when it is actually connected to the soul. When the spirit is disconnected from the soul, it becomes unconscious of the soul’s “database” of accumulated experiences. So, I would say no. He’d have no actual awareness of what his Nobody is doing.

But what about Saix then? What would that make him? And what about Isa’s heart? Well, basically I believe “Subject X” was nothing but a badly plagiarized version of Isa’s original backstory. So here’s what I’ll do: I’m going to use Nomura’s interviews and the Secret Reports to tell a story, and I’m going to edit the Reports from KH3 to more accurately reflect what I think was originally going to happen. This is my speculation on what the story would have been like if BBV2 never got cancelled.

Nomura: Master Xehanort commandeered Terra’s body, and became Ansem the Wise’s apprentice. According to Secret Ansem Report 1 From KHII, the young man asked to become a test subject for Ansem’s research so he could get his memories back. After that they began the study of darkness, but did he really lose his memories? And are those memories Terra’s or Master Xehanort’s?

At what point were Ansem and Xemnas separated from Xehanort? When did they lose their memories?Nomura: Sometime between Birth by Sleep and Kingdom Hearts I. It happened during the events in the Ansem Reports from Kingdom Hearts I. Was it really memory loss? In the Birth by Sleep Secret Movie, Braig doubted it

When Terranort first becomes an apprentice, he seems really uncomfortable around Braig, suggesting that Terra is actually the one in control at first. Nomura also suggests as much. He probably does have amnesia, and it’s just his subconscious reacting to Braig. But Terra’s presence definitely seems to be the dominant one, at least at first. This is no doubt thanks to Aqua saving him from the abyss and Eraqus’ influence on his heart.

Secret Ansem’s Report 1

If I explore Xehanort’s heart by means of psychological tests, I may be able to awaken the past locked away within. My apprentice Even, too, has shown great interest in Xehanort’s memories. But is he really the right subject? Xehanort does indeed exhibit extraordinary talents…Too extraordinary…Perhaps they are even superhuman.

Even is very intuitive. He could sense that Ventus had no darkness in him at a glance. I think he could also sense darkness, and he took a special interest in Terranort because of this. I don’t think he trusted him. Anyway, Ansem conducts the initial experiment and successfully restores some of Terranort’s memory. Memories of Terra’s old life start coming back, but not fully. He’s desperate to know who he really is, so Ansem agrees to continue the experiments.

Secret Ansem’s Report 2

I have made a grave mistake. My study of the “darkness of the heart” began with a simple psychological test and quickly snowballed. Spurred on by my youngest apprentice, Ienzo, I constructed a massive laboratory in the basement of my castle. Unbeknownst to me, my six apprentices then began collecting a large number of subjects on which to perform dangerous experiments into the “darkness of the heart.”

From Ansem’s point of view, the experiments seemed to be having favorable results, and he even decides to build a huge laboratory in the castle’s basement. Ienzo spurred this on, but since Ienzo was just a child, he was no doubt told to suggest this idea to Ansem. Probably by Braig.

Ansem’s Report 7

I am studying material from the meteors that rained down that fateful night. What a find! The material is foreign to our world. It is elastic to the touch, and when two pieces are combined, they bond easily. None of the records even mention such a substance.

Was it introduced to this world when I opened the door? I wonder how many other such materials drift through the atmosphere of this tiny world… I wish I could soar off and find out! Could there be uncharted worlds up there? My curiosity never ceases to grow. But I should stop speaking of such unrealistic dreams. For now, there is no way to venture outside this world. My people and I are all but prisoners of this tiny place.

After repeated experiments, Ansem probes the depths of Terranort’s heart. But in addition to Terra’s memories, the experiments also restore his memories as Xehanort. Terranort remembers being a Keyblade wielder and his plan to create the X-blade. He regains his ability to use Master Xehanort’s Keyblade and opens Radiant Garden’s Keyhole.

Nomura: While studying darkness the young Xehanort opened the door to the heart of Radiant Garden. This would have been possible if he had a Keyblade, but according to the Ansem Reports 4-8 in KH, he did not yet know about the Keyblade at the time.

Since Xehanort is possessing Terra, he also regains a lot of Terra’s fragmented memories along with his own, and they become intertwined. This creates a very mixed-up sense of identity, similar to someone with multiple personality disorder. They have “alters” that are totally compartmentalized, completely unaware of the other’s existence. Terranort constantly flip-flops between alters; sometimes, he can use the Keyblade, and other times he doesn’t even know it exists. The title for Birth By Sleep Volume 2 was supposed to be 0.5 A Fragmentary Passage. It seemed like it would totally revolve around this concept of soul fragmentation, and its style of story-telling would reflect that. It was supposed to be “bits and pieces of something whole” and tell the untold stories of many characters across the entire timeline. It’s probably why the producer went “…what?” when Nomura told him about the idea.

Although Terranort flip-flops between alters, Braig can see that the memory experiments worked, and the Xehanort alter remembers their original agreement. So, they decide now is the time to create vessels. Braig acts as Xehanort’s handler during the times he goes back to his Terra alter and they begin the experiments.

Ansem’s Report 2

It is my duty to expose what this darkness really is. I shall conduct the following experiments:

Extract the darkness from a person’s heart.

Cultivate darkness in a pure heart.

Both suppress and amplify the darkness within.

The experiments caused the test subject’s heart to collapse, including those of the most stalwart. How fragile our hearts are! My treatment produced no signs of recovery. I confined those who had completely lost their hearts beneath the castle.

But the experiments are not working. All the subjects experience the collapse of their hearts, making them useless as vessels.

Ansem’s Report 11

If the princesses and the Keyblade are connected, they should resonate.I’ve chosen a girl. I don’t know if she holds the princesses’ powers, but I will find out. She may lead me to the key bearer.

Sometime before Mickey’s visit from his flashback in KH2, Kairi is abducted by the apprentices and is experimented on.

Memoirs

On the day we finally secured our entry, we descended the long spiral stair at the heart of the castle to find a dark space below it, lined with cages. There wasn’t light enough to see if they were inhabited, and we were in no position to call out to any occupants within. Yet we could feel it. A definite presence, there in the black. Terror washed over us, and we immediately regretted coming. But just as we turned to flee, we heard the faintest of voices. The urge to run was nigh overpowering, but someone or something beckoned us on. There, framed by a tenuous sliver of light, we found her. It was too dim to make out her features. We spoke to her in hushed whispers. Who was she? Why was she imprisoned here? She had no answers for us. Had no memories at all. She was an enigma, but I knew I wanted to help her. Lea was determined to free her, too. We slipped deeper into the castle that day knowing only that we wanted, with all our hearts, to save her.

Isa and Lea also come to the castle for their own personal reason. But at some point they become aware of Kairi’s situation and try to help her. I think the “stray puppy” scene was actually foreshadowing. I think Kairi was going to be another “stray puppy” that Lea would want to help.

Since Isa is basically a male tsundere, he may scold Lea for it, but he likes puppies just as much as Lea does. Even the manga jokingly references Isa’s love of dogs. One of Isa’s weapons in 358/2 Days is named after a lunar goddess who is often depicted with a hunting dog as a companion and she was considered the patron and protector of young girl children. So given their personalities, they both attempt a rescue of Kairi. They are unsuccessful and the apprentices catch them.

Xemnas: “As your flesh bears the sigil, so your name shall be known as that…of a recusant.”

Isa, as a Moon personality archetype, has a large capacity for darkness. Even can sense this. So Braig and Terranort take a particular interest in him and dub him “Subject X” for being the most promising prospective vessel for the X-blade. He becomes Xehanort’s favorite lab rat. They do horrible things to him, including carving the Recusant’s Sigil onto his flesh.

Lea doesn’t go through anything nearly as horrific, because as a Sun personality archetype, his potential for darkness is not as great as Isa’s. Plus, there’s a better use for him. He is a good source of trauma for Isa. If the apprentices threaten to torture Lea instead, they can greatly increase Isa’s mental anguish and also get him to submit more easily. He’ll let himself get tortured to protect Lea. Isa’s Mystery Gear weapon (the one that’s supposed to bring out the wielder’s true personality) is actually a reference to a myth about a rabbit who is so selfless, he offers himself as food to a hungry beggar because he has no other food. So I think this is a fitting story line for his personality. Isa endures as much as he can possibly handle until he reaches his limit. He dissociates, his soul fragments…but his heart doesn’t break. Everyone realizes what a special subject he really is.

Isa is now an amnesiac in a trance-like state, leaving his body wide open for possession. Terranort successfully implants a piece of his heart into him. Isa gets Xehanort’d, and gets gold eyes and pointy ears. Weirdly, his BbS concept art shows a young Isa with gold eyes, along with his normal version with green eyes. Was there going to be a scene in BBS showing him get Xehanort’d? Was this reference art for BbS Volume 2? Who knows. But from here, I will refer to him as “Isanort”.

Secret Ansem’s Report 2

As soon as I found out, I called my apprentices together and ordered them not only to cease their studies, but to destroy the results of their research thus far. What on earth was happening within the hearts of my six beloved apprentices? While pursuing the mystery of the darkness of the heart, could they themselves have strayed into its depths? Yet I remain the most foolish of all, for having begun these experiments. We are not meant to interfere in the depths of another’s heart, no matter what our reasons for doing so…And my error plunged me into despair.

Experiments of the Heart – Notes on Subject X, Excerpt 2

Subject’s memories have not returned, and our conversations remain less than lucid. My pilot studies used a handful of subjects, but none possessed the fortitude to endure them. Ultimately, all suffered the collapse of their hearts. I knew it would be a heavy blow to lose a subject as unique as him. Upon discovering the tests I’ve been conducting, my master demanded that I cease my work immediately and destroy what research I have compiled. Worse still, he ordered the release of my remaining subjects. He is gone. Where is Subject X now? Has “wise” Master Ansem hidden him away? Whatever the case, I will not be deterred. I will get back the first successful subject of my grand experiment. —Xehanort

Anyway, Ansem the Wise discovers what Terranort and the other apprentices have been doing and he is horrified. He demands they destroy their research and release all the subjects immediately. He falls into despair for having begun these experiments in the first place and blames himself. Mickey arrives and consoles him. From the novels, we know that the apprentices kept Kairi sleeping in a pod even after Ansem ordered the release of the subjects; I would wager they kept Lea as well. He’s Subject X’s friend. But Ansem the Wise does get a hold of Isanort and takes him away. Terranort wants him back, though.

Experiments of the Heart – Notes on Subject X, Excerpt 1

Subject was found in the castle basement shortly after dawn. Male, approximately fifteen years old. After seven days’ observation, he spoke his first words, but could not provide a name. Subject exhibits signs of profound amnesia and displays concern for where his friend is. His words suggest that he arrived with another, though he cannot recall the name of his erstwhile companion. All efforts to explore those memories have met with a rejection response.

After my initial experiments on my apprentice, I ceased my research into the heart, my hand stayed by some profound fear I could not fathom. My fears proved to be well-founded. And now this subject is just like my apprentice was when I first discovered him: devoid of memories. The fault is mine for having begun this research. And yet this subject is someone who could actually benefit from my original work. My apprentice, Xehanort, had begun to reclaim his lost past thanks to these very experiments: by traversing the heart, we have a direct path into memory. If my research can help him regain his memory, perhaps I can atone for the mistakes I have made. Who is he? This is a question I cannot ignore. I must ascertain his identity.—Ansem

It’s funny to me because I honestly don’t even have to change the Reports that much to make them fit Isa’s situation perfectly. It’s really too easy. Like, they’re just too good of a fit to be a coincidence. Anyway, Ansem takes Isanort away and tries to figure out who he is. Because Lea is gone, no one can identify him and Ansem has no idea what to do with a mysterious teenager with profound amnesia. He feels it is his duty to help him regain his memories, and reluctantly performs experiments on his heart.

Recollections

Am I alive? I awoke in a cell, alone until the researcher came and asked me countless questions to uncover my identity. I had no answer to offer him. A friend…that is the sum total of my memory. I could not even recall my name. I was simply called “X” there. I found no solace during the time I spent in that dark and lonely cell. One day, a man came to take me from the prison. I could not see him for the darkness, save that he wore an eyepatch. Even now, I feel no closer to understanding who I am. —Unknown

This is how Isanort would be after Ansem takes him into his custody and he helps him become coherent enough to talk. He has Xehanort’s heart fragment in him, and his soul was fractured, so his memory is a total mess. A person’s heart getting swallowed by Xehanort’s is a gradual process, so he’s still not fully Xehanort yet. His heart still remembers certain things. He remembers a friend, that he was called “X”, and that a man with an eyepatch took him from the prison cell to somewhere else (probably when he was going to be tortured). And his memory cuts off there. It’s too traumatic; these memories stay blocked out and relegated to his subconscious.

“The mind forgets, but the heart will always remember. And what is the heart’s memory but love itself?” ― Twan Eng Tan, The Gift of Rain

During the experiments, Ansem connects with the depths of Isanort’s heart, bringing back his lost past. Since Terra and Isa were both fragmented previously, a piece of Ansem gets left behind inside of their hearts, affecting their eye color. This is how Saix gets orange eyes, not the gold ones the other vessels have. Since the heart is the bridge, Ansem can restore the “databank” of information, even though the real Isa is still lost in the Realm of Sleep. Even when Isa’s heart gets completely consumed, the soul data will remain. So this alter ego of Xehanort will now gain access to the collective sum of Isa’s memories, thoughts, experiences and emotions. He will believe he is Isa—the real Isa. He has no other memories to give him any other identity. But of course, he’s really not.

Sometime later, Isanort is stolen back from Ansem the Wise, who gets banished to the Realm of Darkness. But then something goes wrong. Terranort is struggling badly with his split personality, as well as Ansem the Wise’s influence on his heart. He starts thinking he’s actually Ansem and he turns on everyone, steals their hearts, then becomes a Heartless himself. He becomes Ansem Seeker of Darkness, who also has orange eyes. Everyone becomes a Nobody at this point. Saix is created as the Nobody of Isanort, similar to Xemnas being the Nobody of Terranort. He’s STILL another self of Xehanort. But thanks to Ansem the Wise’s experiment, Saix retains all of Isa’s memories. So he doesn’t seem any different from the other Nobodies who never lost their memory.

Lea has no reason to think his friend’s situation is any different from his. They were both wearing black cloaks then they became Nobodies. They were both experimented on and are both victims, though Axel wasn’t hurt as badly. He’s still mostly the same person afterwards. Nobodies lose their heart, but what makes them unique is that their soul and body remain due to their strong will. He has no clue what really happened to his friend, though. And despite being another Xehanort, Saix actually thinks he’s Isa and he genuinely wants to overthrow Xemnas with Lea. They make these plans together and work cooperatively. Saix doesn’t trust Xemnas and wants to figure out his secrets. And Lea feels the same, plus he wants to support his friend. Xemnas really likes Saix for some reason, so they work together to get Saix to the top of the hierarchy.

Nomura: It is a fact that Saix and Axel probably wanted to take over the Organization, however they didn’t understand what they were going to do or how to do it. As for Xemnas, he knew about this betrayal, but never brought it up. Generally, one’s conduct was for the sake of their purpose.

Xemnas knows ALL about their plans to overthrow the Organization, but he doesn’t try to get rid of them like he did with Marluxia or Larxene. Why? Nomura says that they were serving their purpose. With Lea, it’s probably because he’s very useful. He follows orders, eliminates traitors and since Xemnas knows where his loyalty stands, he can predict his behavior.

Xemnas: But weakness has the power to awaken that which is dormant. It is clear that through his actions, however foolish they may have been, Axel has touched Sora’s heart. Perhaps HE will soon awaken.

Axel was very useful to Xemnas in 358/2 Days. Riku wound up in Castle Oblivion because he “resonated” with Sora. And Axel grew closer and closer to Roxas during Days. I think that’s why they kept sending him back to Castle Oblivion. Xemnas thought that Axel might “resonate” with Ventus, allowing him to find the Chamber of Waking. It didn’t work, though, because Ventus’ heart was said to be inside of Roxas.

I just did what I thought was the best thing at the time. For Roxas, for Xion, for the Organization—and for Isa. But most of all for me.

This is from the novel. It’s Axel’s inner monologue after Roxas gets angry at him for attacking Xion. He’s STILL loyal to his friend, even though his friend is no longer even there anymore. I think this is why Axel was never considered a traitor. He’s technically still loyal to Xehanort, even if he doesn’t realize it.

Xemnas: The poor fool. How long will he keep chasing the illusion of friendship, when he himself lacks emotion? Trying so hard to retrieve what he has lost, when it may never have existed in the first place. He deserves nothing more than our pity.

I think Xemnas’ quote in KH2FM+ was even more about Axel’s relationship with Saix than it was about his relationship with Roxas. Xemnas’ face was shrouded as he just stared at Saix. It seemed like the same visual cue they used when Xigbar was asking about the Chamber of Repose and the Chamber of Waking. It felt like a hint that there’s more to be revealed on this subject that is still shrouded in mystery. Axel’s friendship with Saix never existed in the first place. It was all an illusion. Xemnas knew. It really shows how he was able to use Axel’s desire for friendship to manipulate him.

Poppet…? Apparently he meant Xion. But what resemblance was he referring to? Xion was just as much a puppet as ever. Saix had no time for these deliberately oblique remarks from Xigbar.

“Nonsense. I see no problem whatsoever.”

Xigbar only laughed louder. “Pa-ha-ha!” No, apparently you don’t!”

“Something you find amusing?”

“Oh the things you hear from a guy with no heart,” Xigbar said through his hilarity.

As for Saix, Xemnas was probably just amused because he is not actually a threat to him. They’re the same person, even if Saix is none the wiser. This conversation is from the novel, but it also happens in the game, as well as the movie. Saix clearly has no idea he has been Xehanort’d. Braig does know, and he finds it hilarious.

“Don’t let us down now, kiddo. Shouldn’t be too much trouble without a heart,” Xigbar told Saix.

Then there’s this scene later on, also from the novel. It’s when Xemnas decides to eliminate either Roxas or Xion, and orders the memory devices to be placed. Xigbar calls Saix “kiddo”. I think Braig played a huge role in the human experiments and Isa’s condition. Seeing Saix act so clueless made him remember experimenting on teenage Isa and he nostalgically calls him “kiddo”.

“I’ll bring him back to our side. Let me—”

“That’s enough.” Saix turned his head, giving Axel a sidelong look over his shoulder. “Traitor.”

Axel scowled darkly.

“I’m going. You know, don’t you, that you won’t stop me except by force? And even if you tried, you would fail.” Saix went on his way. Memories informed him that he hated this kind of thing.

There are other scenes from the novels that are phrased in a manner that made me feel Saix is simply Xehanort who has Isa’s memories. Right after Roxas leaves the Organization, it talks about how his “memories informed him” that having conflict with Axel and fighting was something he hated. It’s just phrased in a way that makes his memories sound so…foreign to him. Like they’re so at odds with his current personality that even he doesn’t understand them.

Saix blocked the sweep of the Keyblade. It brought back those long-ago days when there had been some pleasure in fighting. The Claymore slammed into Roxas…And he recalled things from long, long ago.

This is while he fights Roxas. What exactly is he remembering? It sounds like he’s remembering Isa’s past. What pleasure did Isa get while fighting? That’s definitely not something we ever got to learn in KH3.

So why can’t Saix just regrow a heart like everyone else? Nature dislikes a void and seeks to fill it as soon as possible. Well, I think Saix does have a Heart…sort of. He shares a heart with Xemnas and Xehanort. The jokes Xigbar makes about him having no heart are a reference to Isa’s heart.

This is a scene from the KH2 novel that isn’t in the game. It happens after Kairi is kidnapped by Axel, and Saix faces off with Riku in Twilight Town. Namine is with him.

“You have no part in this!” Saix slapped her across the face, hard enough to throw her to the ground.

“I feel bad for you, too,” she told him.

“What are you talking about?” Saix towered over Namine.

“You haven’t even noticed yet…that you have a heart.”

Several Nobodies emerged from a rift out of the corridors.

“A heart? I have a heart? No one wants your nonsense!”

Saix raised his sword over Namine—but Riku was there with Soul Eater to intercept the blow.

“Hmph. I don’t have time for these games.” Darkness welled up from a rift behind Saix. “Run along and help your dear hero.”

With that, he disappeared.

“Are you all right?” Riku helped Namine to her feet.

“Now I understand…,” she murmured.

“Namine…? You understand what?”

She was silent for a moment and quietly shook her head as she stood. “It’s nothing. We have to find Kairi.”

Namine realized something important about Saix, but she had no time tell Riku about it. I think she realized at that moment that Saix’s true heart is actually captured by Xehanort. So, where exactly is Isa’s heart, then?

And he had some kind of power—something that gave her that weird feeling when she fought him. Like a Saix aura. Who was he?

That’s what Xion says in the novel after she fights Riku. She says he gives off a “Saix aura”. Interesting choice of words. We know that Riku has Xehanort’s Heartless living inside of him, which is the cause of his dark aura. Why does Saix give off the same aura unless he’s different from the rest of the Organization in some way? In Days, there are a couple of optional boss fights that really stand out. Anti-Riku and Anti-Saix. The only Anti-form boss fights in the game.

In “KHI” when Sora stabs the “Keyblade of people’s hearts” into himself to release his heart and Kairi’s, Sora’s Heartless and Nobody were born. When Master Xehanort and Terra:Xehanort stab themselves with the Keyblade, were his and Terra’s Nobodies not created?

Nomura: That is not yet clear. However I will say that the fixed sentiment that remained just after Master Xehanort stabbed himself with the Keyblade was not a Heartless.

If Isa’s heart has been swallowed by Xehanort’s heart, then he should be in a similar state to Terra, who became Xehanort’s Guardian. It mostly does his bidding, but it is capable of recognizing certain people that it had a strong emotional connection to. It clearly remembered Riku in DDD, and he recognized it as well. And it refuses to attack Aqua and Ven in KH3. Nomura said that it is not a Heartless.

What happens to the hearts of those who have had Master Xehanort’s heart planted within them?Nomura: They’ll gradually be swallowed by it. As for Master Xehanort, he plans to control them completely. The planted parts of the heart are captured rather than disappear.

It’s Terra’s captured heart that’s being controlled by Xehanort. That’s what I think Saix’s Berserk state is. That’s what I think happened to Isa’s heart. The Berserk state is his repressed shadow self.

Second in command who longs for the heart he does not have. Only the moon breaks his icy calm.

Soul fragmentation plays a huge role in creating the shadow self. This is a part of the subconscious that is composed of repressed feelings, instincts, impulses, weaknesses, desires, and fears. The heart remembers even when the mind forgets. The Berserk state contains all of his rage and pain from the repressed memories of being experimented on and tortured. So it goes insane during the full moon, which brings the repressed memories of the subconscious to the surface. Because of this pure rage, it’s a very effective weapon.

Saïx: Do you know what happens to those who lose their true purpose? Inevitably, they destroy themselves.

The Berserk form is used when Saix fights Lea at the Keyblade Graveyard. I noticed during the final battle that Lea doesn’t try too hard to fight Saix. He pleads with Isa to stop attacking and looks directly into his eyes. Berserk Saix raises his Claymore, but he stops and doesn’t attack Lea. Then Xemnas shows up. Of course, canon!Saix was fully in control of himself and was just pretending to be loyal to Xemnas (which makes no sense).

I think originally, that scene would have showed that Isa’s heart still remembered Lea even when his mind didn’t, and he didn’t want to hurt his best friend. Just like The Guardian wouldn’t attack Aqua and Ven. He promised his friends that he would set things right. Terra remembered his true purpose. Same with Saix. His heart would finally remember that friend whose name he couldn’t remember. So Xemnas has to step in and take over the fight.

Young Xehanort: It’s for traversing hearts to reach worlds. Not for traversing worlds to reach hearts.

Lastly, there’s the issue of how to heal Isa and what his personality would be like after getting saved. There is a concept called “soul retrieval”. Soul retrieval is an ancient practice that shamans use in order to bring an individual who is suffering from soul fragmentation back to wholeness. The shamanic approach to healing this condition is to enter an altered state of consciousness and journey into the inner spirit world, retrieve the lost parts of the soul, and reintegrate them into the psyche of the afflicted person. This is where the whole concept of “birth by sleep” and “the power of waking” comes from.

The soul cannot return, in whole or part, if there is anything occupying that space. So it is not just about calling the soul back in, but also removing from the energy field all that is blocking the return of the soul parts. The inner spirit realms are often inaccessible and are guarded by heavy defenses that make it difficult or impossible for the fragmented person to go through on their own, without the guidance of a shaman.

Generally, it is not recommended for anyone other than experienced shamans to attempt a soul retrieval. It can be very dangerous even to experienced shamans. Only one who has gone through a shamanic death initiation can go to these realms without risking injury or even physical death. There are some scary parts of someone’s subconscious and the astral realm in general; parts that could be threatening, angry, violent, self-destructive, primal, and so forth. It’s probably why it’s considered something that only a Keyblade Master can do.

Mickey: There’s something real strong that binds us to each other. Even in the darkness, you can reach him. All you gotta do is follow that connection!

Soul fragments generally hold a lot of psychic pain and trauma. Realigning them is not an easy endeavor and requires assistance from those who are balanced and connected with the higher realms of light. Fragmented soul pieces may appear as shadow selves as well. When Riku dives into Sora’s heart, he sees anti-Soras as well as normal Soras.

In these soul retrieval journeys, harsh energies manifest in the form of archetypal images of monsters, demons and other dangerous beasts. These are the guardians of the soul, or in psychology they are known as defense mechanisms of the psyche. The shaman must overcome these in order to persuade the soul fragments to come back.

Once the lost fragments are located, the shaman communicates with them, in order to ascertain how or why it left. They will acknowledge the former pain and gently negotiate the soul’s return to the body. Each part is gathered and brought back through the “veil” between the worlds and gently reconnected into the person, by blowing into their heart.

The soul cannot be forced back, though. It has to want to come back. The shaman can only persuade it. The soul pieces must process the original trauma that caused the splitting and find a way to overcome it. I think this is why the theme song for KH3 is “Face My Fears”. It’s all about confronting the darkness within and emerging stronger and more whole than ever before.

Soul retrieval brings back one’s consciousness, personal essence, life force and vitality. It is a major action that changes a person’s life. A soul retrieval is one of the most powerful forms of healing a person can experience. Upon the return of lost soul parts, people feel a sense of well being and wholeness, childlike joy, exuberance and vitality. They experience a dramatic shift in consciousness, a sense of personal power, and a new level of spirit to heart connection. Not only do I think Isa would be the same person he was before he fragmented and not influenced by Xehanort…I think he’d be more spiritually healthy than ever.

But someone would need to perform this soul retrieval on Isa. You need to be able to ease the person’s pain to convince them to come back to reality. For such severe fracturing, a deep heart connection with the person is mandatory. Anyone else would just wind up hurting him and fragmenting him even further. This is another danger of soul retrieval. The only one who could do it for Isa is Lea. But he’s not a Keyblade Master.

Nomura: Ansem’s research results will become the key to healing the “pain” in the future of the story.

Nomura: The data that Ansem has hidden within Sora is the secret to that revival. When Ansem had become DiZ, and studied the heart and emotions, the results he found he hid within Sora.

Nomura: You could say it’s the key. That data contains the details explaining the way to connect lost hearts.

Nomura: There are two possible meanings of the “key.” One of which is the ‘hardware’ key, which opens doors - this is what keys are in general, and the other is the ‘light’ key, that opens something else. In this case, it is currently unknown as to which type of key Sora must find. This is the main storyline of Kingdom Hearts III - Sora must go on an adventure to find the “key” without knowing what or where it is.

Although the ancients discouraged untrained people from performing soul retrieval, technically anyone can do it. Truly empathetic and unconditionally loving humans gain the spiritual power to recollect the consciousness fragments of traumatized people that are trapped in the astral realms. When someone practices unconditional love, it helps to integrate and heal the fragments, as well as neutralize any negative emotional energy in the environment. THIS is what I think Ansem’s research was originally all about. The “power of waking” exists in us all. Sora is looking for a key that is inside of him the whole time.

Go on, you just keep running. But I’ll always be there to bring you back!“

The Realm of Sleep exists in the deepest, darkest abyss. Only the farthest-reaching light could possibly penetrate darkness that deep.

#long ass post #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts meta #kingdom hearts 3 meta #kh3 spoilers #anti-kh3 #kh saix #kh isa #kh axel #kh lea

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officialinuyasha · 5 years

Text

Official Art is free use as long as it is not used for monetary gain, and I will never ask anyone for money for my pictures, and I was told I am the only person that actually credits the official animators and artists. Each image of the anime is directly ripped RAW Japanese versions, that are ages old by the way. There are probably better ones out there now. Because had these when the English dub hadn’t came out on my Windows XP. About that, they should be in 1080, but since they were used into WMM I had to recolor all of them and increase their quality myself. I don’t like taking screenshots from YouTube like most people do. Not only do I increase the quality but there are assets I enjoy changing them from the anime. Most people can’t even tell it’s changed because it’s “that good” they say. The only thing I ask if you are sharing my edits, just credit me for taking to time to increasing the resolution, ripping, and alters. I do a lot of screen-stitching also. There’s a lot of them and some I haven’t even posted. But here are some of my favorites -

Besides that, I also like posting basic screen caps with my watermark on it. Because I did it. I don’t have to explain myself on that. Because it originated from my RAW rips, I have every right to credit the official animators and myself for doing the work. I see a lot of people post their watermarks on official images, even when it comes to illegal manga scan sites. I don’t see anyone complaining about that.

If you see my watermark on it, like Max’s it’s because I have his permission to slightly alter it as a Profile Picture! - and I usually have their credit or their watermark on it also whether in the image or in the description! Since Max intentionally made art for me also, it’s kinda a given.

I always see @redrobelover talk about bullying and certain fandoms. I can tell you what I see.

Here is what I see most of -

People “bully” others if someone is asking where a certain fan art came from - With absolutely no intent to steal it. They know they didn’t make the art.

But as soon as someone constantly credits each individual animator, they don’t care and the official animators are swept under the rug. These people are paid, just like fan artists. But they are way less known. I hardly ever see anyone talking about the animators of InuYasha. When they do, it makes me very happy and excited.

They also think it’s okay for someone to share Fan Art from a person that intentionally left because of drama like this. Basically, “this person left, probably because their art was being stolen and sold on Chinese merchandise. But I’m going to share it anyway.” And to them, that’s completely fine.

Can you see where all this hypocrisy is?

I’ll tell you all a story. Our friend was from Tumblr since 2009. I won’t give out her identity, but a lot of these people know. And she recognizes a lot of this toxicity and drama. She used to write a lot of fan-fictions and became really well-known. She was a very popular role-player.

She knows and can name people, can predict how people are -exactly- on here.

Well she actually left because people wouldn’t stop fighting, making fake accounts to go and attack everyone. This stuff is stupid. I just don’t get what’s so fun in that.

A story about me.

I had a friend on here I knew for years. She used to take a lot of my edits and I wouldn’t say anything because she was my friend. Even if it bugged me, I felt like she wasn’t doing any harm in that. All I asked of her was to at least tell me or credit me. Which I don’t think she ever did. It was always odd to find out from another person that she was doing this, or stumbling upon it myself.

The sad part was, I saw her as a really close friend of mine. And when my life began ta change dramatically I went and told her everything. I wrote a whole novel for her. In hopes that she was going to be supportive of my life changes and choices I was making during my transition and the person I am meant ta be with. Like most of my friend are supportive of it and asked me a whole buncha questions about it. They were happy.

Unfortunately I never got the ecstatic answer from her. Instead she ghosted on me and I think blocked me. I never understood why. But I was told it was probably because we have the same mind set in a lot of things. So I will never hate on her ever. I don’t have a reason to. I just wished things like that was better.

We are all a family. We all like InuYasha. InuYasha is supposta be a safe space.

Something I wrote in August 20th, 2018

My name is InuYasha, yes legally. Yes I'm the only person on record with that name in the US atleast. I am a transman. I've been on hormones for two years now! 💪💉 Damn those "emojis" look hella weird... August 2016 was when I started my hormones. Anyway. I'm in a relationship with @officialkagome , her name is Kagome she's a transwoman! I really came around on YouTube 2007 as TheHanyouInuYasha, now displayed as "OfficialInuYasha". I also run the FaceBook group "Official InuYasha Group" which is increasingly popular and extremely active with almost 5,000 members now! My sister really helped push me to go for the doctor's appointment for my transgender diagnosis in order for me to start my hormones. The series InuYasha really helped me get in touch with my true self, as InuYasha I see myself as one with. Being an outcast and having to make my own world was very, very difficult. I went through a lot of depression and anger during certain times and was told I could not be "InuYasha" because they told me I was a "girl". Just like in the series how the ignorant people also pestered InuYasha being half demon, that it was "unnatural" to them. I continued on, struggling as InuYasha. I started cosplaying InuYasha around 2005. I remember going to my neighbors house to watch it pre-recorded in Japanese dub! I was only about 10 years old. My grandma helped me make my first outfit. We made the top from a Wizard robe and Dancer pants patterns. I have gone through four different outfits, now 7 wigs, and 6 different Tetsusaigas. My current wig was made by Alichii from deviantART since 2004 based on Katie Bairs method, made from 3 different wigs. A historical wig. My current outfit is the Officially licensed VIZ Media outfit! It's my treasure. Kagome in the series really helped me alot to learn and to love. I have had many issues with haters, stalkers and copycats. Keh! But that won't stop me!

- The response @officialkagome wrote after me -

My name is Kagome, yes; it really is. InuYasha inspired me to share my own story. I am a transwoman, and have known I was a female my entire conscious life. I was told I couldn't be Kagome because I wasn't a girl. I was punished a great deal and abused for being trans. I was told I was wrong, and sick for 'thinking' I was a girl, I was invisible to everyone around me. I grew into an aloof teenager that thought I knew the evils of the world, until when 14 years old; I was sexually assaulted by three men while at a house party without my parents knowledge. My world fell to pieces, and who I was died. I spiralled, I lost all respect for myself. I never was dated, I gave myself to bad guys. I made horrible choices and I still carry the shame of what those men turned me into. I watched InuYasha a lot then, and I found similarity in myself and Kagome. She was everything I always dreamed of being. Kind, brave, beautiful and pure. My first Impression of InuYasha was that he was a jerk; but I got to learn more about how he felt different in his world, and didn't belong. Before I knew it, I fell deeply in love with him. He saved my life and made me feel like that strong woman I knew I was. I spent the next 13+ years submitting to the fact that I would never really be able to see InuYasha, I begged for dreams, If I could only see him.. Meanwhile, InuYasha was going through the same exact thing. We crossed paths on so many occasions, even unknowingly, we grew up in the same cities, our whole lives lead up to us finding one another and life blessed me, and brought InuYasha to me in the most ironically fated way. We are BOTH trans! He gets me, And he waited for me just as long as I waited for him. There is so much coincidence in our meeting. It's haunting. He looks at me, a pile of my trauma; and he loves my broken pieces back together. InuYasha has ALWAYS come for me, and I may have lost faith; but I am glad I didn't. InuYasha found me in the darkness; and now together we move towards tomorrow. We have always been the same since the very beginning. We ARE InuKag~

Thank you for all the asks.

I will respond to each one. All will be animated, which I know they are piled up.

So send all Asks. Let’s see how fun we can make this -

- Inu-Yasha -

#inuyasha #kagome #犬夜叉 #officialinuyasha #officialkagome #rant #fanart #fandom #redrobelover #maxintoshi #personal #hurt #bullying #lgbt #trans #transgender #lgbtq #officialinuyashagroup

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