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theragethatisdesire · 10 months

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"l’amore è cieco" - eren x reader - 18+!!!

back to the ti penso universe!!! finally!! did you guys miss it? i know i did; i am utterly obsessed with these two. i've had this sitting in my unfinished wip pile for way too long not to share.

our lovebirds have gotten the wedding all wrapped up with, so we're a solid four years past them reuniting in italy....and surprise! they're expecting!!!!! i could literally scream just writing that; the grip dad!eren has on me will never let up, i fear......anyways, this one's a little rough because i've picked it apart a thousand times and i'm just tired of editing, so you guys enjoy!!! sorry if it's not quite up to par :/

pairing: eren x reader

wc: 4k

DISCLAIMER: this post contains MATURE CONTENT that is intended only for those over 18. if you are a minor, please do not read below the cut.

CWs: smut, reader is pregnant, use of names (baby, mama, pretty, beautiful, etc), swearing, vaginal sex, fingering, multiple orgasms, breeding kink, lactation kink, creampie, crying, tooth-rotting fluff

title means "love is blind" in italian, per tradition w this verse <3

Right on schedule with your new daily, depressing routine, you stand in front of the mirror running your hands over your body, examining the recent changes. On second thought, scrutinizing might be a better word.

You’re grateful your job has allowed you to work from home for your entire pregnancy, editing articles from the journalists who can actually travel while snuggled up on your couch, but the downside of it is that you’ve had far too much time to mull on all of the ways your body has stretched and warped to accommodate the growing little girl in your stomach. You thought pregnancy was supposed to be beautiful, and sometimes it is, but more often than not, you just feel like a swollen, hormonal mess.

You “popped”, as all the mommy podcasts say, about two weeks ago, and thin stretch marks have begun to appear on your stomach. Eren calls them your “tiger stripes”, having been in full-blown cringe dad mode since the day you took the test. Bizarre cravings control you at all hours of the day, evidenced by the little black crumbs you’re picking out of your sports bra, left behind by your fourteen-Oreo breakfast today. You gaze longingly at the jewelry box on your bathroom counter; you haven’t been able to wear your wedding band in weeks, the tan line already beginning to fade from your finger. Before you can get a hold of yourself, the hormones have you in their grip, and hot, frustrated tears are spilling down your cheeks.

“Babe, have you seen that tie with the red–” Eren materializes in the doorway with absolutely no warning, as he’s prone to do, but cuts himself off at the sight of you, “baby, no, again?”

“Don’t say it like that,” you say, reluctantly allowing him to take you in his arms.

“Like what?” Eren’s voice is sweet, but hesitant. He’s been living under the constant threat of getting his head bitten off for mundane reasons because of you. It makes you feel worse, makes you shove him away and glare at him accusingly.

“Like I’m always fucking crying.” You are always crying, but you wish he would at least muster up some semblance of surprise at finding you in tears yet again. You turn away from him, wiping your face in the mirror. “Shouldn’t you be packing? Your flight leaves in like, three hours.”

“I’ll cancel,” Eren coos, stepping behind you to wrap his arms around your waist, picking your belly up in his hands.

It’s some hack he got off Tik Tok, supposed to take the weight off of your back for a precious moment, and as much as you don’t necessarily want to be touched right now, it actually helps. You’ve been alternating between thinking Eren’s overenthusiastic parenting research is adorable and mind-numbingly annoying, but for the moment, your back has stopped aching for the first time all morning, and you sigh, leaning into him.

“You can’t cancel,” you murmur, momentarily soothed, “‘s a big client. Where is it again? France?”

“I just got back from France, Miss Pregnancy Brain,” Eren chuckles, quieting immediately upon catching your lethal gaze in the mirror. “It’s just over in LA, and honestly, I could have Hitch go if you need me.”

“No, I can take care of myself, it’s just like…” a fresh wave of tears spills down your cheeks, “fuck, I don’t even know what’s wrong with me.”

Eren nods into your shoulder, letting you sniffle. It’s not a new trait, your outright refusal to ask for help, but it’s been exacerbated by your pregnancy, especially considering exactly how much help you actually need now.

You’ve taken custody of all of his sweatpants, not yet able to bring yourself to buy maternity clothes. You’d walked in sobbing and humiliated the other day because you’d peed yourself on the long elevator ride up to your apartment in front of the neighbors. You can’t sleep on your stomach anymore; Eren has to prop himself up just right beside you and sandwich you between himself and a wall of pillows to stop you from turning. You know it hurts him seeing you miserable, and you try to suck it up and enjoy the positives of pregnancy as much as you can, but you can’t muster up that strength every day.

“Hush,” Eren pulls your wet face to his chest, letting you stain the Number 1 Dad! t-shirt he had bought himself. “I’m not going.”

“Eren–”

“I’m not,” he says firmly, rubbing small circles into the bottom of your spine, “you need me here, whether you want to admit it or not.”

You grumble complacently, nuzzling into him. You do need him, as much as you want to think you can tough it out on your own. Eren’s bought book after book, not just for the baby, but for you. Most nights you find him reading titles like You’ve Made the Baby…Now What? or How to Survive Pregnancy: A Guide for Men with his feet propped up on the coffee table, a habit that, despite your efforts, you cannot nag him out of. It’s cute, honestly, how over-the-top he’s gotten with baby prep, especially when you’re often too exhausted to wrap your mind around reading a parenting guide.

“I feel ugly,” you admit quietly, sticky and snotty against his shirt. “I feel disgusting.”

“What?” Eren’s reaction is one of genuine confusion. He pushes you away from him so he can search your face, waiting patiently for you to elaborate.

“I’m gaining an obscene amount of weight, my ankles are the size of my knees, I can’t wear a single one of my rings, what am I supposed to feel like?”

Eren frowns. “Those things are supposed to happen. I read last night–”

“I don’t care!” Your voice cracks under the weight of your frustration, and you press your fingers into your eyes hard enough to see stars, trying to regain control of your temper. “I don’t care that it’s supposed to happen. It still sucks.”

“I think you’re beautiful,” Eren sounds earnest, but you scoff at him anyway.

“We’re married. You’re supposed to say that.”

“I don’t have to.”

You cock an eyebrow at him. “If you want your head to stay on your shoulders you do.”

Eren laughs at that, tugging you over to stand between his legs as he sits on the bed. “So, you’re serious? You genuinely don’t think you look good pregnant?”

“No,” you rub at your nose, “I don’t.”

Eren looks up at you, cupping your face gently. “I disagree.”

“Do you really?”

“I think you look better than ever.”

“That’s an insult to non-pregnant me,” you roll your eyes, moving to step away, but Eren holds you tight between his legs.

“It’s not,” he insists, “there’s just some things your pregnant body has that you didn’t necessarily have before. Some things that I like.”

You cock an eyebrow at him. “Cankles?”

Eren chuckles breathily, shaking his head. “I adore your cankles, but they weren't exactly the first thing that came to mind. Take these, for one thing.”

Eren presses his nose into your sports bra, hands moving up underneath to palm at your swollen tits. You let out a breathy laugh as he explores, already feeling a low heat beginning to simmer in your core. That’s one perk of entering your second trimester; your hormones might turn on a dime, but your sex drive has skyrocketed.

Eren shoves your bra up to free your tits, groaning appreciatively as he takes a nipple into his mouth, licking and sucking. You watch as he feels his way around with his mouth, humming contentedly under your breath, when suddenly, his eyes fly open and he shoots away from you.

“What?”

Eren shushes you, bringing a hand to the breast that had been in his mouth and squeezing lightly. White liquid beads on your nipple, and you cover your face in shame.

“When did that start?”

“A few days ago,” you admit, trying to push his hands off of you, cheeks burning. Eren swats you away, leaning back into your nipple, sucking harder. You can feel a small stream of milk leaving you, relieving some of the pressure in your tits; a moan rumbles deep in Eren’s chest, and you can see his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows. Eren releases your nipple with a loud pop and looks up at you panting, eyes blown wide.

“Is it weird that that’s kinda hot?”

“Probably.”

“Does it hurt?”

“No,” you hum, threading your hands through his hair and urging him back to your chest, “feels good.”

That’s all Eren needs to hear, diving back into your chest with renewed vigor. As he continues, you realize it doesn’t just feel good, it actually feels incredible. You’ve always had sensitive breasts, but with the pregnancy, sensation has increased tenfold; you can feel your panties getting wetter as the weight of your full breast decreases. When Eren’s gotten all he can from your left nipple, he moves to your right, replacing his mouth on the now-abandoned nipple with his hand to twist gently at the wet skin.

The combined sensation makes your knees buckle; Eren saves you smoothly by wrapping an arm around your lower back, yanking you to him to straddle his leg. It’s the perfect angle for you to roll your hips against his thigh slowly, feeling the much-needed friction of his sweatpants against your cunt.

“Eren…” you breathe out, voice nothing more than a wisp of air.

“I know baby,” Eren speaks directly into your flesh, not willing to back away for even a moment, “feels good, doesn’t it?”

“Feels so good,” you whimper, clutching him to you with fistfuls of his hair.

“Told you this new body’s not so bad, hm?” Eren closes his teeth down on your nipple lightly; you almost keel over from the shockwave it sends through you.

You nod, rubbing yourself against his thigh faster. It’s awkward and cumbersome with your belly in the way, but it’s enough for now, enough to light your nerves on fire in that way that only Eren’s ever been able to.

“Fuckin’ ridiculous,” Eren mutters, grabbing onto your hips to help you get your rhythm right, “you’re so perfect, and you don’t even see it.”

Your fingers dig into his arms as you moan. “But my stomach–”

“But nothing,” Eren kisses you, mumbling into your mouth, “love your stomach, love your tits, love all of it. You think it doesn’t make me so fucking hard, watching you walk around with that big belly and knowing what it came from? I did that. We did that, didn’t we baby?”

“Mhm,” you bite into his shoulder, the friction on your clit through your sweatpants is getting to your head, making you dizzy. “Eren, Eren–”

“Sh sh sh,” Eren shushes you, moving so that he can look you in the eyes, “what do you need? Tell me.”

“I don’t– I don’t know, I just…” you can’t find the words, so in need of him that you can’t even decide what sounds best. His mouth? His fingers? All of it?

“Okay, okay,” Eren says quietly, standing you both up only to lay you against the pillows, “I’ve gotcha.”

He nudges his sweatpants down your legs, bringing your panties with them, spreads your legs so he can see the most intimate part of you. Eren brings his hand to your clit, rubbing tentatively, but you’re so desperate for him that it’s enough to make your back arch, a long, throaty moan ripping out of you. He lays beside you, gently playing with your clit and watching in awe at the reaction you give him, already a blubbering mess after only a few minutes.

“So sensitive, aren’t you mama?”

“Yes,” you hiss out through clenched teeth, a fresh wave of arousal flooding you at the name, “s-so sensitive. Need to cum, I need, n-need–”

“I’ll make you cum,” Eren promises, sinking a finger into you, “I’ll make you cum, baby.”

“Fuck, Eren, it’s– I can’t–”

“Feel good?”

“So fucking good,” you’re basically sobbing at this point, fingers clenched into the muscles of his bicep, clinging to him and humping his hand. You’re not sure if it’s the lack of sex over the first trimester (“What if I hit the baby’s head?” Eren had asked nervously whenever you approached him) or the rawness of the sensation against your over-sensitive body, but you’ve never been so close to your orgasm so quickly.

You don’t hold out long; Eren’s skilled with even just one finger, and before long, you’re crying out his name, gushing all over his hand. Eren presses his lips to your forehead in a sweet kiss despite having utterly destroyed you less than thirty seconds ago.

“Ready for me?”

“Sit,” you pant, pointing to the massive stack of pillows against your headboard. Eren raises his eyebrows in surprise, but does as he’s told, only pausing to pull his clothes off. The loss of the stupid dad t-shirt is a relief as much as feeling his bare chest under your hands. Due to your hormones, you’ve thrown Eren out of the house several times, and you’ve demanded to be alone enough to where his only solution is to go to the gym downstairs and work out until you’ve calmed down. It shows: his chest has grown broader and stronger, and the veins on his arms are nearly popping through the skin. “You look good.”

“Yeah?” Eren offers a shit-eating grin, flexing his bicep ever so subtly. “You should see yourself.”

“You seriously think I look good like this?” You’re straddling his hips now, rubbing your clit on his bare cock. It’s a lewd sight, his cock drooling on his abs, glistening with your cum; your cunt clenches around nothing, more than ready to be filled.

“Mhm, you look so fucking good like that,” Eren grunts, hands finding your hips again and lifting you up to sink you down on his cock, both of you letting out loud, satisfied groans, “but you look much better like this.”

You grind your hips against his, not possessing the energy to bounce your now-heavier body, but it makes you see stars. Eren rarely lets you ride him, much preferring to bend you over or pin you to the bed himself, but with your bump, you now have an excuse to hop on top of him whenever you like. It’s been close to a decade of fucking him, but the full stretch of him never fails to shock you, the way he pushes into you until you’re positive he’s in your stomach. With Eren sitting up, his cock stays firmly nestled against your g-spot, pushing little bits of squirt out of you with each movement of your hips.

“Eren–” you whimper, holding your breasts as you rock into him.

“Shit- you’re so tight like this,” Eren says through his clenched jaw, throwing his head back against the headboard, “why don’t you ride me more often?”

“You don’t let me,” you say with a watery giggle.

“Stupid,” Eren gasps, “‘m so fucking stupid.”

You’re too fucked out to voice your agreement, opting for sliding a hand down your body to flick at your clit. You can’t quite reach it around your bump, though, a discontented noise leaving your lips. Eren opens his eyes, takes notice of the way you’re hunching your back, and swats your hand away.

“I got it, I got it,” he pants, tucking his hand underneath your swollen belly to rub your clit just the way he knows you like it.

“Oh, f-fuck,” you choke out, throwing your head back.

“Good?”

“Yeah,” you hiss, “‘s perfect.”

“Take what you need, mama,” Eren’s watching you intently, a glimmer of admiration in his eye, “take what you need.”

You’re moaning pitifully, loud and wanton as Eren’s cock moves inside of you. Your cunt tightens around him desperately as the bubble building in your stomach threatens to explode.

“Think you get wetter like this, all swollen with my baby,” Eren muses, leaning forward to latch his mouth around one of your nipples where more milk has already started to pool. His words have a visceral reaction on you; you cry, tears welling in your eyes as you spiral towards your release.

“I think–I think I’m gonna– oh fuck, don’t stop,” you croon, rocking your hips as fast as you can manage. Eren mumbles around your nipple, something about how beautiful you look, and you come undone around him, grinding your hips hard against his and cradling him to your chest. He might have a point- there’s damn near a puddle of your arousal at the base of where you’re connected, slicking up the skin on his hips and the inside of your thighs.

“Better?” Eren pulls you in for a kiss; you can feel him grinning through it.

“Maybe a little,” you admit, laughing light and watery against his mouth.

“Mmm,” Eren hums, grabbing you by the hips and lifting you only to drop you down again and turn your laughter to a quiet whimper, “not good enough. Need you to be much better.”

“Fuck me, then,” you nip at his bottom lip, earn yourself a deep groan.

“Can you— can you hold yourself up like this?” Eren scooches both of you down, albeit, a little awkwardly, so that he can lay flat on the bed. He moves you up until you’ve only got him halfway inside of you, cocking a questioning eyebrow at you.

“Yeah, I–I think so.”

“And you’re sure I’m not going to hurt–”

“Jesus Christ– no Eren, it’s fine, just– fuck,” he cuts you off with a sharp snap of his hips up into yours, grinning menacingly when your eyes roll back.

“Like that?”

“Just like that,” you moan, annoyance wiped from you with one clean stroke. Eren takes that for the green light that it is and starts pistoning his hips up into you, swearing under his breath. Even though he’d instructed you to hold yourself up, he makes good use of his new muscles, suspending you at the perfect height to feel every inch of him as he fucks up into you like his life depends on it.

“You look so fucking gorgeous like this,” Eren growls, “all swollen with my fuckin’ baby. Gonna keep you like this, give you as many as you want.”

“Eren–” you choke out, suffocating on the way he’s fucking you, his words, him. For the first time in months, you feel amazing, holding your chest and groaning long and loud as Eren thrusts up into you.

“Baby, I’m- fuck, not gonna–” Eren cuts himself off with something that sounds suspiciously close to a whimper, throwing his head back.

“Cum in me,” you pant, nodding urgently at him, “want it so bad.”

“Oh fuck,” Eren groans, hips moving impossibly faster. His fingers are digging into your hips near to the point of pain, and that little frown he makes when he’s about to cum is crumpling his face. You do want it, badly.

“Please Eren, I need it,” you gasp, legs trembling on either side of his hips.

“Fucking love you, love you so much,” Eren slurs, hips stuttering. With a long, throaty moan, he slams you down one final time, cumming deep inside of you. You grind against him as he does, moaning along with him at the familiar warmth in your belly. Exhausted, you momentarily forget about your bump and try to collapse facefirst on him- that’s enough to snap Eren out of his post-orgasm haze.

“Whoa, whoa,” Eren shoves you back upright, lifting you under your shoulders and laying you on your back, “careful.”

You wince. “Shit, sorry. Sometimes I forget. It’s still sort of new.”

“I know,” Eren agrees, eyes locked lovingly on your baby bump, “love it, though.”

“Really?”

Eren cocks a disbelieving eyebrow at you. “If that didn’t convince you, I don’t know what will.”

You giggle at that; he’s always been good at this, cheering you up and diffusing your worries like it’s second nature. After ten years, it probably is at this point.

“I don’t mean to be so down on myself, really,” you sigh, tracing a finger over where his hand’s splayed on your stomach, “it’s just…so much harder than I thought it would be.”

Eren nods thoughtfully. “That’s reasonable. But you’re so good at it.”

“I haven’t even– what?” The insecurities that you’ve been successfully masking under good natured teasing and occasional annoyance come slipping from between your lips. You’ve thought it for weeks; how Eren’s so into all the baby stuff, so enthusiastic about learning everything he can, while all you’ve managed is trying not to gag when he cooks eggs in the morning and picking out some onesies. “What about all of your books and your podcasts and crap? You’re the one doing everything.”

“That’s all I can do,” Eren scoffs, “you’re doing all the hard stuff, like carrying the baby around and puking every morning and crying all the time–”

“Hey!”

“I’m serious,” Eren shushes you, “you’re putting in all the legwork. I mean, you’re literally growing our baby. You’re a fucking rockstar mom already. If anyone’s not doing enough here, it’s me.”

That’s one thing about Eren that will never get easier; his deep, unwavering admiration for you, no matter what you’re doing. Sure, it’s endearing when Eren spins you around in his arms for something as simple as finally getting that croissant recipe to come out well, but when he’s praising you for something that’s actually difficult? It’s sweet enough to give you a cavity, warm your heart, and turn your cheeks pink all at once, even after all this time.

“Well, if you’d like to take a shift carrying her around, be my guest. She’s a chunky little thing already,” you roll your eyes, tucking your face into Eren’s ribs to mask the flush rising to your face.

“I’d do it for you if I could,” Eren sighs in faux-thoughtfulness, “but I wouldn’t look half as hot.”

You giggle furiously when he lands a slap to your ass, swatting at his chest. “God, it still doesn’t feel real, does it? A little girl that’s half you, half me.”

“It does and it doesn’t,” Eren shrugs, bringing a hand back to your stomach, “I don’t know about you, but I’ve been thinking about it since Italy.”

You gape at him. “That long?”

“You know I’m always ahead of you on this stuff,” Eren teases, squeezing your cheeks together, “knew I wanted you first, knew I wanted you back first, knew we should get married…”

“Yeah, yeah,” you roll your eyes at his bragging, “it’s just, like…are we ready? To do this?”

“This?” Eren cocks his head.

“The whole…‘parents’ thing.”

“Putting aside the fact that you're way too late to be having those kinds of thoughts,” Eren says, rubbing your lower back, “of course we’re ready. There’s no perfect parents, but I believe in us– believe in you. Gonna be the best mama any baby’s ever had, I know you will.”

“I don’t even…oh, Eren.” You’re tearing up again–damn hormones. Eren wipes at your tears, planting a big kiss on your forehead.

“I mean it. You’re going to be great, already are,” he says, smiling down at you. He holds you just like that for a few moments, letting you nuzzle into his chest, until his little grin grows wicked. “Although…the only thing I can say I am worried about is which one of us is going to accidentally teach her her first swear word. Should we bet on it?"

Even through your tears, you cock an eyebrow at him. “You and I both know that’s going to be Jean. Especially after what you taught Clara the last time we babysat.”

Eren barks out a laugh. “Hey, hearing her call Jean ‘Daddy Jackass’ was funny, and you know it!”

“Thanks for reminding me,” you smirk, “now I know what I’m teaching our little girl first.”

“No way!”

#eren jaeger x reader #eren yeager x reader #eren jaeger smut #eren yeager smut #aot x reader #snk x reader #snk fanfiction #aot fanfiction #eren jaeger fanfic #eren jaeger fanfiction #ti penso universe #ti penso uni

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ha1taniwh0re · 4 months

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BSD TOPICS

‼️Spoilers,ped0 mentioning, mafia content?‼️

Ready for hate once again

So im back at watching BSD and im currently at season 5, so I want to talk about some things I see on tik tok recently.

Mori effect

We all know about Mori's "children". Dazai, Yosano, Elise, Q and how Mori traumatized them. First Dazai, he was traumatized before he even met Mori so Mori didn't traumatized him but he did gave him some bad memories(aka killing ex boss Infront of Dazai), Yosano wasn't really traumatized directly by Mori. Mori is a person who will try not to make much mess, he would rather make one person to lose mind than millions of people lifes. Let's remember that ADA and PM have same job, they protect Yokohama's people, ADA is light and Port Mafia is dark so Mori isn't really heartless, he killed ex boss so millions of people wouldn't die just like in war(The leader of an organisation is at the pinnacle of the organization and, at the same time, he is its slave. The leader must be more than willing to commit any atrocity in order to insure the survival of the organization.). At the time yosano was traumatized by Mori she was in war. That experience is already traumatising, her ability was really helpful but it wasn't just Mori who traumatized her but also a soldiers too. They started to hate her at some point because of her ability Mori is doing what anyone in military would do if they were in Mori's position while they are in the middle of the war. Elise, elise is his ability. Yeah yeah she was a young girl before Mori transformed into little girl, but now she is just an ability and Mori controls her how he wants she can't be really traumatized as ability, she doesn't seem like she remembers that she was a real person before. Q is indeed traumatized by Mori too but most by Dazai, Dazai was the one who locked Q.

ADA member transfer to PM

Where to start here? There are some of things that are hinting on Dazai being next boss. Mori predicted that Dazai will be boss at 23(now he is 22), Dazai took off his blue thing off (that was sign that he is with Ada), Mori not sitting in openings and Dazai is scene before that and after. All ADA members having white background in outro s5 but dazai has red. And much more that I saw. People also said that Dazai won't be a person will be back to PM because of Oda. Let's remember that Oda was famous mafia member that never killed someone. So Dazai can be like Oda and he is still keeping his promise to Oda but also he will save ADA people from being in PM.

Better villains

BRO YOU GUYS COULDN'T HANDLE THESE TWO AND YOU WANT "BETTER" VILLAINS. They are THE BEST villains you guys just see one wrong thing and you become blind af. You saw for Mori being ped0(still bad not defending) and never saw anything else but he just is soooo not important. If he wasn't important he wouldn't be still alive. Fukuchi was SOOOO GOOD never could guess he was fifth member. Poor Tachihara became blind T^T

#mori ougai x reader #mori ogai x reader #mori ougai #mori ogai #bungou stray dogs #dazai x reader #chuuya x reader #akutagawa x reader #fukuchi x reader #koyo x reader #ada #port mafia #dazai osamu #chuuya nakahara #kunikida x reader #ranpo x reader

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mothandpidgeon · 1 year

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Aunt Flo's First Visit [pre-outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader]

MASTERLIST - follow @mothandpidgeon-updates and turn on notifications to stay updated with my fics!

Pairing: pre-outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: After Sarah gets her first period, Joel is determined to be a supportive parent despite the fact that he doesn't know the first thing about menstruation. But when he goes to the pharmacy to shop for supplies, he finds himself in way over his head.

Words: 2k

Rating: G

Warnings: period stuff and everything that comes with it

a/n: This is really fluffy and a little silly. I saw a tik tok by a menstrual product company about a customer trying to find the right thing for his daughter and it just gave me such Joel energy this happened. I haven't finished any fic in MONTHS because I'm working on my book and that's not finished either so it feels really good to complete something. (If you want to keep up with my publishing journey, I'm mainly documenting it here.) Please enjoy.

Also, I challenged myself to write in present tense bc I never do and I really was struggling so pretend the grammar is all correct. Thank you.

Joel knows how to do a lot of things. He can manage a crew, change a flat tire, and build just about anything. He never considered himself smart by the classical definition but he knows how to make a car battery from scratch despite the fact that he got a C in chemistry.

If somebody had told him a decade ago that he’d one day be paralyzed with fear in the feminine hygiene aisle, he would’ve laughed. But right now, Joel would give all his knowledge along with his left arm if he could just figure out what the hell he ought to buy for his daughter.

He knew this day would come eventually. It’s his own damn fault he never prepared himself. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he must’ve expected Sarah to just know how to handle it. Being a single dad wasn’t a walk in the park but he couldn’t imagine how much harder it would be if Sarah wasn’t so damn self sufficient. Even at 13, she can get herself fed and dressed and off to school without help. Of course she could figure this out on her own.

But Joel was reminded that Sarah’s still just a kid when she finally told him that she’d gotten her period for the very first time. She was so embarrassed to admit it, Joel practically had to drag it out of her.

He was angry with himself. He should’ve been ready, wished that he knew the right words to say. Joel promised himself he would put things right so she wouldn’t feel like she ever had to hide anything from him.

That was a lot easier said than done, he realizes now.

Joel stands in the aisle overwhelmed and confused. Boxes and soft packages in friendly, pastel colors stare at him from the shelves. He’s never spent much time with the feminine hygiene products, not unless he was scooting by them to pick up a little carton from the family planning section. He hasn’t bothered to learn about that stuff. Women’s stuff. He’s not disgusted by menstruation, isn’t afraid of it. It’s just one of those things he never had to deal with.

Without Sarah’s mom, though, he’s had to figure out plenty of girl things. He can remember the lesson on managing Sarah’s curls from the kind woman at the hair salon. Names of Shampoos and oils that felt foreign were now routine and he’s mastered using the combs and clips that looked more intimidating than some of his power tools. But he struggled for a good long while before that kind stylist took pity on him.

And here he is again, flying blind into the female whirlwind.

There’s so many options on the shelf. Words like HEAVY and gentle and sport. And the prices. Christ! He thought the hair stuff was expensive.

Joel’s head is spinning but he has to get it together. He’d vowed long ago that he would be Dad and Mom too. That’s what his daughter deserves.

Just a year ago, he hovered outside of the dressing room at the mall as Sarah tried on training bras.

“Did you find one? You were in there for a while,” he said when she emerged.

“Dad,” she replied in that tone she was using more and more often, the one that told him to shut up.

It isn’t the changes to her body that scare him, all of the subtle ways she’s becoming less familiar. His little girl is growing up and he mourns her childhood. It won’t be long before she’s driving, going off to college. Maybe she’ll have a daughter of her own but Joel hopes she’ll wait longer than he did, have a chance to make a life for herself.

Speaking of which, he realizes he’s going to have to sit her down for a real talk about boys next. He better get ready for that one. Explaining where babies come from hadn’t been too difficult. Condoms and venereal diseases are a whole different ball game. Teenage boys are gremlins– he’d know– and Sarah’s so smart and pretty, she’s going to have to be careful.

Joel doesn’t know how long he’s been staring at the shelves when a woman appears in the aisle, another shopper. She’s got her keys looped around a finger, headed straight for the tampons, her flip flops smacking against the bottoms of her feet. Joel has a box in his hands. He doesn’t even know what he’s picked up, it’s just got the least intimidating packaging and the price is reasonable. He can’t help but catch the woman’s eye and the look she gives him is a little wary. It must be obvious that he’s out of his depths. But she gives a polite, tight lipped smile and proceeds to ignore him as she approaches the pantheon of period products.

He watches as her eyes dart around the shelves and quickly she makes a selection, plucking up a box clad with pink and purple silhouettes. So easy. Well, it must be easy for her. He wonders how many times she’s visited this part of the pharmacy, if her mother brought her to the store when she was Sarah’s age and showed her all the options.

His free hand fidgets at his side and he swallows dryly. He feels like an idiot but he reminds himself that he’s got to do this. For Sarah. The woman is already half way back to the end of the aisle by the time he’s found his voice.

---

“Excuse me, miss. Could I trouble you for a second?” you hear from the man behind you.

You turn around, confused, but there’s nobody else that he could be talking to. Here you thought you could get in and out quickly. You’re cranky and tired and all day you’ve had toe curling cramps. It hits you like a ton of bricks every month. All you want to do is get home to your couch to watch some crappy reality tv.

But this lumberjack of a man– broad shoulders wrapped in a flannel shirt– is giving you puppy dog eyes. You’ve never been hit on while holding a box of Tampax Pearl but there’s a first time for everything.

“I apologize. This is real awkward,” he says, rubbing at the back of his neck with a big hand. “I’m trying to get something for my daughter but I’m a little lost.”

His voice is warm and sweet and he’s handsome as hell but you keep your distance.

“Didn’t she tell you what to get?” you ask.

His expression grows even more bashful and his voice lowers.

“I’m afraid it’s, uh…well, it’s new territory for both of us,” he admits.

You can’t help the sympathetic smile that forms on your lips. Some poor preteen girl just got welcomed into the cruel arms of womanhood. It will be all downhill from here. Wild mood swings, angry breakouts, blood leaking through her favorite pair of pants. At least, it seems, she’s got her dad on her side. It takes a lot of balls for a guy to pick up a box of tampons let alone stop a stranger and ask for help.

You’d like to tell him that you’re too busy to help– you can hear your Haagen Dazs calling you all the way from the freezer– but you at least owe it to this kid to help him out.

“What’ve you got?” you ask, nodding towards the powder blue box in his grasp. It looks so little in his big hand. You walk back towards him and take a look. “Oh. Nice try but I wouldn’t go with that.”

He regards his choice again. It’s kind of adorable, the way the corners of his mouth frown as he squints at the words on the front. “What’s wrong with these?” His words aren’t defensive, he’s genuinely curious.

“Tampons can be pretty tricky when you’re that age. And those don’t even come with an applicator,” you explain. You remember trying to use a tampon that first time. You’d never put anything up there before and it stung like hell.

“Applicator?” His brows furrow and you can see fear in his brown eyes.

“So you can put it…in,” you tell him and motion with your finger, jabbing your pointer upwards.

His cheeks go pink. Ears too. You try to suppress a giggle as his brain short circuits for a second. His throat works as he swallows and places the box back on the shelf— gingerly, like it might explode.

“Which are the ones that don’t…go inside?” he asks.

It’s impossible to keep from grinning.

“Pads,” you say.

He nods.

You choose a package and place it in his hands. It’s a multipack, everything from light to heavy, and no wings so she doesn’t feel like she’s wearing a diaper.

“Try this,” you say. “She might not like them. It takes some trial and error.”

He reads over the circle in the corner that claims it’s 100% Leak Free! You can see he’s still overwhelmed but he’s far less nervous. He really is good looking and you have to wonder how he doesn’t have a woman in his life to help him out.

“This many?” he asks.

“She might need more.” You shrug. “Just stay away from the scented ones. And you have Tylenol at home?”

“I think so.”

“How about a heating pad?”

He shakes his head.

“Go get one,” you advise.

He blows out air and then steels himself with a nod, ready to face the red menace.

“I’m awfully grateful for your help,” he says and you can tell by the look on his face, he means that.

You feel your own cheeks heat.

---

Joel ends up behind her in the checkout line after securing an electric heating pad and grabbing an extra bottle of Motrin.

“What do you think?” he asks, showing her what he picked.

“Good job,” she tells him. Her smile is tinged with amusement but his chest still swells with pride. Maybe he’s not such a failure of a father after all.

Now that he’s less bewildered, Joel can’t help but notice how pretty this woman is. She’s dressed for comfort without any make up as far as he can tell but that smile and the kindness in her eyes is what does it for him. If they met under different circumstances, maybe he’d try to flirt. Not that he’s had the opportunity to practice recently. It’s for the best, though. There’s absolutely no way the combination of bumbling idiot, single parent, and menstruation makes for a romantic connection. Besides he’s here on an errand for his daughter.

Joel tries to keep his eyes from wandering over her as the teenager behind the register rings her up, the pink box and two bags of M&Ms. She gives Joel one last smile before leaving the store.

He thought he might feel embarrassed buying nothing but period supplies but he’s too busy thinking about how helpful she was. Sarah would just about die from mortification if he told her a complete stranger gave him a crash course in maxi pads. He chuckles to himself.

“Hey!” someone calls as Joel approaches his truck.

It’s her, the woman from the pharmacy, crossing the parking lot. Joel smooths his hair.

“These are for her,” she says, handing him one of her bags of candy. “Chocolate helps.”

Joel gives a soft laugh as he weighs the M&Ms in his hand. “That I knew,” he says.

“And, uh, here,” she tells him, holding out the long receipt.

Joel takes the paper. On the back she’s scribbled her name and phone number.

“You know, I don’t know. I just thought– if she has any questions. Or maybe if you do,” she says, shrugging. She’s much less confident now than she was in front of that endless selection of menstrual products. It’s cute and makes Joel feel a little less like an idiot for the way he was fumbling a few minutes ago.

“I owe you one,” he says.

She shakes her head. “Just be patient,” she warns. “She’s gonna be a bitch but don’t take it personally.”

Joel grins.

“You’re a good dad,” she tells him and he doesn’t know how to respond to that.

She’s already backing away towards her car and waves again.

Joel looks at her number, once again finding something he doesn’t know. He’d give his left arm to figure out how soon is too soon to call.

---

MASTERLIST - follow @mothandpidgeon-updates and turn on notifications to stay updated with my fics!

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #pre outbreak!joel #joel miller fic #tlou fic #joel miller fluff #fluff

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sunkissed-zegras · 9 days

Note

Manager is a tote bag girlie. Like she has her whole LIFE in her tote bags (same).

Someone needs a charger? In her tote bag. You're hungry? She has snacks in her tote bag. Your lips are chapped? She has about 10 chapsticks just rumbling all in that bag.

Definitely include (force) manager to do tik tok trends with them😭

I totally feel like the girls would do that manager trends, where retail workers bring out their typically short but mean or nonchalant manager 💀💀 but manager is definitely the short and mean.

And they would get comments like: "Ik she runs that team like it's the navy"

The "did anyone eat my powdered doughnuts" trend and they have manager covered in powdered sugar

The blind karaoke and manager just doing terrible 😭😭 like they'd put on her favorite song but she'd still do bad

-😗

THE DOUGHNUTS TREND I WAS JUST THINKINH ABOUR THAT😭😭😭😭 pls that would make me GIGGLEEEEE

i feel like the karaoke trend made her nervous and she was just fucking up thre entire time LIKE “DAMN IT” it’ll be like the easiest song ever too

#uconn wbb manager thoughts 💭

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1n-bl0om · 1 year

Text

obscure tbp hcs

just some thoughts tbh (hints of brance and finbin)

goes between modern day and the 70s

- griffin would definitely send death threats to people online at the most minor inconveniences. nobody expects the innocent ones

- billy knows how to play the hermonica

- vance would be one of those toxic gamers. the ones that just yell and scream and blow air into the mic

- bruce the type of mf to actually slip on a banana peel

- robin goes around school and does those interviews with a tiny mic

- billy and vance would do the “devious lick” trend that happened early last year. mfs would steal the whole bathroom sink

- the guys try to recreate the breakfast club table scene and the table ends up collapsing

- one time griffin jumped in a pool and immediately started drowning

- finney is extremely good at solitaire

- bruce has held a boombox outside of vance’s window after a fight. vance closed his blinds after seeing him

- griffin would run a stan acc on twt. no further comment.

- robin has doodled “F + R” in his notebook

- when gwen and finney go shopping, finney is the designated bag holder

- bruce owns one of those crusty white dogs with a human name

- gwen has definitely been chased by geese at a park

- the guys have made one of those “cooking in the cafeteria” videos but caught something on fire

- billy spams the gc with tik toks that no one ever watches

- vance and robin are the number one instigators. they will hear people arguing and go, “you gonna let them talk to you like that?”

- finny watches interstellar every week

- robin has accidentally grated his hand while grating cheese

- griffin doing something feral and vance going “what if i told you griffin got that dawg in him?”

- finney follows those niche fire alarm accs that post rare fire alarms

- bruce has five pairs of the same shirt and gets clowned for it. the guys call him a cartoon character

- billy sleeps with like 10+ stuffed animals

- vance's mom has a doll collection and it freaks everyone out

- gwen goes around and takes those .5 photos of everyone

- vance and robin working at a local fast food place together and just hiding in the back whenever a customer comes through the drive thru

- billy yelling “stroke that thang cuzzo” when bruce goes to hit at a game

- robin scares finney at any chance he has

- one time griffin ate five corn dogs before going on a rollercoaster, it did not end well

- vance definitely go to house shows. those diy shows in peoples basements, backyards, garages, etc. whatever, you name it. sometimes robin joins and he takes bruce one time

- griffin has a pet goldfish that somehow doubled in size

- gwen has a collection of half burned, unscented candles. they are all carious colors and her dresser has wax embedded into it

- bruce watches golden girls. period

- gwen and finney sometimes have a “sleep over.” which just consists of finney sleeping in gwens floor and her forcing him to play dolls and do prank calls

!! bonus !!

left image: left - everyone else, right - griffin

right image: finbin with e/o & brance with e/o

me posting about the black phone?!? woah!! unheard of

#the black phone #finney blake #robin arellano #vance hopper #bruce yamada #billy showalter #griffin stagg #tbp #hints of #brance #finbin #rinney #bruce yamada x vance hopper #finney blake x robin arellano #gwen blake #blooms black phone

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thebisexualdogdad · 2 years

Note

Hi hi! Could I request some ftm reader x Wade Wilson hc's? If you don't write for Deadpool that's fine!

Wade Wilson x FTM!reader

● so Wade literally could not give less of a shit that you are trans

● when you told him on your third date his response was "cool so can we get extra jalapeños on our nachos? If the answer is no well than that may be a dealbreaker"

● He's constantly flirting with you and telling you all the damn time how hot you are

● "hey there you sexy man, want to slide down my pole like a firefighter?"

● puns, so many puns

● "whatcha reading there Wade"

● "it's a book about anti gravity, I just can't seem to put it down!"

● golden girl marathons when you're feeling down

● he's a very clingy cuddler when you sleep

● you'll wake up to him completely on top of you and snoring so loudly

● Wade's favorite t shirt that he wears all around town says 'I love my trans boyfriend'

● date nights usually involve sneaking into places

● movie theaters, clubs, Celine dion concerts etc

● he knows your testosterone injection schedule

● "pull your shirt up my love it's time for your boy juice"

● Wade and Yukio often make tik toks together while you and warhead watch in the distance

● and he's always referencing memes

● going to a bar and playing pool

● "loser has to clean out the litter box"

● "Wade you don't have a cat what is the litter box for??"

● Wade constantly asking you the weirdest questions

● "okay so fuck Marry kill, colossus, dopinder or blind Al?"

● "I don't want to do any of those things to any of them!"

● "would you rather poop skittles or have everything you eat taste like farts?"

● "Wade that's disgusting"

● coming home to find Wade in food comas

● "the delivery guy insulted me for ordering 5 pizzas for myself and said I couldn't eat it all… so I ate all 5 pizzas and now my tummy hurts"

● that or he will be covered in blood

● "hey babe, so you might want to stay away from 73rd street for a few days, I may have crashed a couple cars into some buildings in a fight… You mind stitching this up for me?"

● Wade will snap the neck of anyone who tries to be transphobic to you

● "hey that's my boyfriend bitch!"

● he's yelling 'trans rights motherfucker!" As he's stabbing them

#marvel imagine #deadpool imagine #wade wilson imagine #wade wilson x reader #x male reader #x trans reader #x ftm reader #headcanons

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futurewriter2000 · 2 years

Text

Glimpse

A/N: Wanted to do something fast and I did. It's a bit sad but it was something I got inspired to do watching this one tik tok. Lol.

Pairing: James Potter x reader

Watching the whole scene play out in front of your eyes was like karma served right. It put a malicious smile on your face to see the boy you had once loved so deeply get rejected as he had rejected you once ago.

He had pinned after the red head since you came into contact with him a long time ago but what you two had was something he can never have with anybody else.

You remember the first heartbroken day of your life. It was the day you saw them together, joking around... falling in love. It was as if somebody was pushing your two lungs together and you could barely breathe.

He passed you by with nothing more but a glimpse he found the effort to share but a glimpse was all you needed to get the rush of memories run its course in your brain.

*six months ago*

You fell behind as the two of you were walking in the Forbidden Forest. His flashlight blinded you each time he looked back to see if he hasn't lost you.

"Can you turn that thing off?" you grumbled as you walked after him.

"If I turn it off, (y/n), we won't see anything!" he grumbled back.

You hid behind a tree and didn't say a thing in return.

"(y/n)?" he looked around with his flashlight and took a deep sigh. "This is not funny. I swear, I will leave you alone in here." he kept moving the flashlight around but since you knew him too well, you knew exactly that he will leave you if you don't come out. So you ran out of the tree and threw yourself onto his back.

"UFF.!" he huffed and started smiling as you giggled on his back and jumped back down.

You turned him to face you and brought yourself closer to him. Your hands got up to his jaw and gently you rubbed your fingers across it. "And what is so bad with seeing nothing?"

He smirked as he pressed himself onto you and dropped the flashlight on the ground. "I don't think anything is bad with seeing nothing." he said before he kissed you...

*Now*

James. He walked in the Three Broomsticks with a beam on his face as he saw her cheeks burning from the cold. He wrapped his arm around her and squeezed her tightly against him but she only gave him a simper, barely half a smile before she moved away from his hold. His smile faded.

You started to realise the lost of interest on Lily Evans' face with every passing week and if you were honest with yourself it didn't make you any happier as it didn't make you sadder either. You only felt numb after so many months.

But it did make you a bit happy to find how revenge can be served without even trying.

The two of you shared so many things together but he never wanted you to be more than just a fling. You always felt less because of that.

He was honest... too honest sometimes.

"I'm just don't see you long term."

"I'm looking for that perfect girl."

"It's just something I do. I know how I am when I'm in love."

"I love our friendship."

"I do have to thank you because now I finally know what I want in my life."

Ouch.

Ouch...

From every passing week, you started to see every passing day how James Potter started to lose his confidence of how she treated him. Sometimes you could see them arguing, some days you heard rumours about their relationship being on rocks and then there was the heartbreak in his eyes. Every day you could see him begging for her love and that same day, you saw her reject him. No effort, no interest.

Your eyes met- a glimpse before he threw his glasses on the table and rubbed his eyes.

A movie replayed in his head- just like the one you had on your first heartbreak day. This memory was on his heartbreak day.

*three months ago*

It was fun shower the two of you had at his place over the holidays. You poured the water over your hair and then over his both smiling at each other.

"Did my makeup go off?" you smiled.

"No. I think it's pretty okay."

You rubbed your fingers against your eyes until there was blackness around them. "How about now?" you laughed and he laughed with you.

He didn't even answer. He just laughed because even with those black ink around your eyes, you still seemed to be so beautiful and God knows he wasn't the perfect Greek God himself but somehow, a beauty like you still chose him. He always wondered why you kept persisting on this secret relationship the two of you had. He wasn't special. He wasn't interesting. But you were. You were almost everything.

"Do you really have just two shampoos?" you eyed him.

"Yes. Am I supposed to have more than two?"

"What about conditioner?"

"What the hell is conditioner?"

You gasped in disbelief.

"Don't you gasp at me like that. There is one for hair and one for body and the hair shampoo even has caffeine in it." he grabbed the hair shampoo in his hands and showed it to you.

"Conditioner makes your hair soft and silky." you grabbed back the hair shampoo and poured it on the top of his head, then on yours as well.

"Well... it smells nice."

The two of you jumped out of the shower and went up to his room. It was just talking and messing around and it didn't take him long to be on top of you again but there was something different from all the times the two of you had been in this position.

He remembered looking into your eyes and found himself admiring you- admiring your beauty. And your hair wasn't silky but it had so much volume from his shampoo, he was almost jealous it doesn't work on his hair like it does on yours.

And your eyes and your perfectly shaped lips- but what makes him even more attracted to you was the way you always smell so good. Like vanilla but not vanilla. It wasn't vanilla but it was the closest scent that could describe it. That day it wasn't just sex for him- it was actually making love to you.

***

That glimpse seemed it took forever but he knew one thing.

He wanted to talk to you. He always talked to you when something was bothering him. You were his confidant, his best friend and his lover all in one and he couldn't find that in Lily. He found Lily just the object of his admiration. He really was in love with Lilly but how is it that he is supposed to be in love with her but he keeps thinking of you. He misses you.

But before he came to reality of it, you were already out of his sight and it wasn't until he and Lily had another massive fight right there, where everybody could hear that he stormed away from her... away from her and right into you.

You almost fell backward but you caught yourself right on time.

"Sorry." he mumbled, looking away... looking guilty.

You couldn't believe his pathetic face, not being able to look at you in the eyes. "Did somebody have another fight with his perfect little girlfriend again?"

"(y/n)." he warned.

"Did that hurt?" you asked, angry with him, angry with himself.

He shot his eyes at you, throwing daggers into your soul that seemed to have no affect at all. "Go to hell."

"Did. That. Hurt?" you asked again, slower this time. Your eyes softened, no matter the anger and resentment you held for this man. In the end, this was still the man you once loved.

He could see it- the walls you built up and he could feel it- the guilt he deserved to feel.

"Yes." he replied.

"Welcome to the last few months of my life." you replied before pushing past him and walking away.

But a few steps forward was a few steps to close because he grabbed your arm and pulled you back.

His eyes were pleading... pleading for something... pleading to bring down your walls.

"I miss you." he said in a whisper. "I miss us so badly." he couldn't keep it in. "The way we talked, the way we laughed, the way it was just... easy."

"No, James." you pulled yourself away. "It was easy for you but it was the hardest thing on the world for me to love you because you never put an ounce of energy into us. So guess what? I'm over it. I'm over us and I'm glad that you finally feel what I felt." you tore your arm away from him and walked away.

Forever, I guess.

#james potter #james potter x reader #sirius black #sirius black imagine #marauders #james potter imagine #remus lupin #remus lupin imagine #marauders imagines #marauders imagine

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g-xix · 4 months

Note

Hi love your content your an amazing writer!

I have my own slight opinion on the Danny Tennessee situation. I really like Danny he’s really funny but like many people I have lost respect for hon recently. I think that they make a cute couple but idk whilst Ten may be gorgeous she does obviously need male validation a large amount of the time.

For me personally if a girl actively pursues a guy who she knows is in a relationship then they loose all respect from me. I also think and this is gonna sound harsh so i’m sorry if anyone disagrees with me but this whole situation has probably made female creators reputation even worse. As lets be honest if Ten was not a stunning as she is Danny’s fanbase would probably not be as behind and supporting the relationship as she is.

As someone who always tries to support female creators, Ten has kinda just really disappointed me. Bot that she needs to be like a feminist creator obvs not she can create whatever content she wants but the way she acts is and especially during locked in was extremely disrespectful. Like imagine if that had happened to her I fully imagine her making a tik tok about it calling out the girl or maybe not Idk i try to avoid her content now as it just annoy’s me. I may give her a third chance one day but for now I just can’t especially after all this had recently happened.

Also this is coming from a girl who is around the same age as you I think possibly a year old idk but just from what i’ve seen you talk about on here. Anyways I wish you the best day ♥️

Heya lovely, tysm for the love and hope you're having a wonderful day also

And you're genuinely so right. It's such a basic matter of loyalty in a relationship to not cheat, for one, but then also just... not pursue other girlies? So Danny's a dick for that undeniably, and then Tenessee on top of that, encouraging Danny's behaviour isntead of also acknowledging that he has a gf... Horrid work from the two of them. But as you've said, Danny's male audience are sooo blind to Danny's disloyalty, and literally the only reason that they're so supportive of the relationship is because Tennessee is so gorgeous. And I wonder how long the support for Ten will last because I think that the male consumer of online content will recognise a woman's aesthetic value for only a short period of time before becoming "accustomed" to it, or just overlooking it and critiquing them more harshly for their other assets...

I feel like Ten will somehow also be criticised for going out with a guy that's uglier than her? Like respectfully, whilst they're both good-looking, Danny is definitely the one punching within this relationship. And idk why but post breakup (assuming they would break up at some pt...), ofc the fanboys will stick loyal to Danny... But I wonder what they'll say to Ten?

Sorry it's taken me so long to respond, im not even gna try respond to the rest bc i'll take another day or so j writing and im super tired atm... all in all you've done really in depth thought as is and it's pretty much everythign i've thought about the situation before too. Ten really isn't a girls girl and idk why more girlies dont point it out. I think it's a pretty privelege thing though (eugh)

And that's acc quite cute that we're similar ages n that, slide into dms if u wanna chat more ab general stuffs, im always down for a convo, and i hope YOU have the best day when u next read this broski

#WAFFLE!!#danny aaorns #tennessee thresh #tennessee thresher #locked in #footasylum

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remove-the-stairs-bitch · 6 months

Text

A tangent about myself, corporations, and absolutes, or My Experience.

I am going to speak on my own experience as a now cis white woman, previously a transgender/nb person. I might say things that you won't like, and that's fine. I know that there are people who don't like what I'll say. And that's good. Disliking certain things about people is a great opportunity for growth. It teaches nuance and depth, and there are things about even my closest friends that I don't like and yet see past. I still love them. My best friends are either far left or far right or wholly centrist, and that's okay. Because they're people. And we need to be able to see people as people, instead of just mirrors of our flawed selves.

As a disclaimer, this includes what some might consider transphobia, but I don't. Like parents keeping someone from transitioning bc of their age or someone breaking up with a new trans person. Also includes a death in the family. My own views on topics are heteronormative and based in Christianity, my parents views, my peers views, and the things I've seen and experienced, online and off. Don't discount my views for any of these, and if you do, please explain why.

I'll start with 2020, the year I joined tumblr and started doubting my identity as a woman/girl/female person. It was a rough time for everyone, and my 15 year old egocentrism did not help. At the time, I was dating a man of 16 years. I call him a man because he was wise in many ways, and in my mind he earned the title. But when I started questioning my gender, I told one of my friends about it. Consequently, she told her parents about it. And they told the man I was with about it. Because of my egocentrism, I was blind to how much it hurt him to think that his potential future wife was intent on becoming a man. I would have left him, as it's called, a trans widower. I say would have because there are nuances to this story that I'll explain later on here.

After a while of thinking that I was either a male or something between the genders, I eventually began identifying as a demigirl. The reason I thought I was a man or between the two at the time was my isolation from others, the natural desire to rebel at that age, and the fact that I was seeing so many trans men on YouTube tik tok compilations. On top of these was my stress from school, my stress from switching chores with my younger brother, and the stress of transitioning in itself. I blamed all of my problems on my gender. This did not solve anything. Because it didn't solve anything, I blamed the others around me, growing more and more abrasive towards the people I cared about until my mom pulled me aside and told me that there are people in my life who had it far worse than I did. It was not an actual of transphobia. What she did opened my eyes to the idea that I was not the center of the world, not even the center of my own. She told me that one of my best friends had been the victim of a violent crime, and while I was caught up in my own gender, I completely ignored her pain. I was a worse friend, a worse child, and a worse person, because I was focused solely on my problems and my image. That was when the facade began to break.

I began detransitioning in 2021. It was easy, free, and more freeing than trying to cram who I am into an agender box. I'm very glad that I wasn't able to find hormones at the time, or I'd be suffering the effects to this day. It was an emotional drain for the pressurized bottle I had built up in myself. And it was a struggle. There were times when I'd look in the mirror and think to myself, "I'm very masc presenting today," and then realized that's just how I normally dressed when I was younger. When I completely identified as a girl. It was hard because I saw other people transitioning. And when they finished transitioning, nothing changed. Their circumstances did not get better. Their grades sometimes dropped. Their quality of life went down. Their already strained relationships with their families broke entirely in some cases. It hurt to see.

My ideology then changed. I returned to my religion in August of 2021, and was able to find some peace. It was a great comfort to me, even when tragedy hit. My older brother left the family in pursuit of a narcissist. They were trans as well, but had multiple mental illnesses that made them arguably unfit to take care of another person, much less the polycule they had amassed. This hit my family hard, almost as though my brother had died. (I say this with the experience of losing a parent, not with the intent of coming off as saying "he was dead to us.") He left on a sour note, not telling us that he loved us anymore. I started a D&D campaign in the hopes of having some small connection to him, and it succeeded. Eventually, he was a victim of the very person he left us for, and he came back, traumatized. We have a place for him to this day, and he's at least slightly more comfortable with himself and his gender than he was when he returned to us. He doesn't lie when hardship strikes anymore, and he knows that we love him no matter his choices or his struggles.

In 2022, I got high grades and was nearly able to graduate. I had no need for other curriculum, as I had already met and exceeded the requirements for my state's high school graduates. I was undecided, so I opted to go through the summer of 2023 and see which way the wind blew. Over that summer, my father died. It was during a family trip that we had been planning for a while. It was unexpected, but wasn't as awful as I thought it would be. This may just be because of my religion, as it gives an answer for what goes on after death, and gives anecdotes of folks being brought back to life. I understood that no tears would bring him back. But I also understood that I was his legacy. And that he died proud of himself, his family, and his peers. In all likelihood, he died contentedly.

I quit my part time job and decided to try school again, if for nothing else then for the social security benefits. This proved to be a bad move. The friends I had there promoted unhealthy lifestyles, and although I loved them, I couldn't stay and let them affect me. So I left school, which wasn't something the teachers wanted me to do (I'm sorry Ms. F, I'll come back to show off my sewing projects!), but it was necessary in order to push myself to grow up. That was immediately stifled by a knee surgery (which was prescribed basically the week after my dad's death, bc I dislocated my knee right before going to the hospital to see his cadaver). It is now December, and here I am yapping about my personal life online.

I intended to speak on the near-widower that left me after I came out. We're back together. He still loved me. I just needed to grow up to see that.

There are people out there who might hate you as a trans person. But there's a solid difference between hate, ignorance, and concern. Hate is active oppression. There is oppression, and from what I've seen it's on a systemic and corporate level. But it's not on a personal level. On a personal level there's either ignorance or concern. What I experienced when I was struggling with my gender was concern. There was no ignorance in my case. The people who left me left for the same reason I left my school. It was because they saw the path I was taking and did not want to be shouted over while I was wandering. People can leave people they love because it's better to give a situation to the authorities than it is to try and fix it yourself. If my fiance hadn't left me, my mental and emotional state would have rubbed off on him and hurt him. I could have done more harm if he didn't cut me off when he did. For that, I think I'll forever be grateful. The people who stay stay because they know you need support while you'd still say they're toxic or hateful. That's what I thought of my parents until I was able to see the bigger picture. If your parents are actively beating you or shouting at you or gaslighting you, of course don't stay. But I recommend taking a second to ask about what's happening around you instead of within you. Because of today's culture, I took the notion that the answer was always inside me far too seriously. Sometimes the answer is in the people who care about you.

But this brings me to the second part of my little rant here. I came to the realization that the less people identify with solid and tangible things, the more the corporations in control of our country can manipulate us. There's pridewashing, virtue signalling, deflecting when serious issues are brought up, and we ignore it for the sake of letting these corporations remain the one stable thing in our lives. There are far more tech jobs these days than agriculture, and because of this, we could end up starving while corporations pull an Orwell on us and say there has never been a steady supply of grain. Or that there has always been a poor AQI. Or that we need the new Juicero Pro to do our taxes instead of making juice. I don't feel like America itself is the problem, but the corruption within it. I still rely on a device created with slave labor to share outlandish opinions and borderline radical ideology with you few, but I don't want it and I don't need it. I could just as easily toss this thing against a wall and be fine. (I won't bc my mom would be rather miffed if I did, but you get my point.) I could survive for a good long while without it, and probably be far happier. Same with all the trinkets and plastic I've accumulated, in my bloodstream and otherwise. I have no need nor desire for these things, and yet I keep them.

But there's a need and desire for at least a little tradition, which is expressed by many women who are sick and tired of being lumped into the modern idea of "man, woman, or nonbinary," and just want to be allowed to be tomboys again. Or just want to be allowed to be a wife. There's nothing inherently wrong with desiring a home with a working man and kids. There is something wrong with telling women what they can and can't do, according to modern feminism, and yet the women who want to be homemakers are silenced and shouted down, along with detransitioners among the lgbt. Aren't these people valid too? Isn't their plight just as understandable? But they're pushed to the margins as low statistics that really don't matter in the long run. Along with trans widows/widowers. Is it not wrong that we're ignoring the people who we harm with our movements? Isn't the point that we help the hurt? So why aren't we helping the people we're leaving behind? It's concerning is all. A society based on a single voice is no society at all.

Sorry for the rant. If anything here has resonated with you, feel free to comment about it. Same with anything that has struck a nerve. I miss being able to speak about the things I disagree on in a kind manner. I miss the good that disagreement brings.

#Long rant #Feminism #Detransitioning #Trans issues #The deranged opinions of some American cis her white woman #Capitalism

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