#this is rough | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

skoulsons · 11 months

Text

Her feet carry her faster than she can think. The world around her is blurred, only the feel of her feet pressing hard into the asphalt and the pounding of her heartbeat in her ears are what keep her vision dead set on Joel. He’s running too, the street lights illuminating his movements as he rushes towards her.

Joel’s arms barely open before she’s already there, both of hers going over his shoulders and crossing behind his neck. Joel holds her against him immediately, one arm along her back and the other behind her head, cupping it gently next to his own.

Joel lifts Ellie off the ground, stumbling backwards and spinning in an attempt to balance them. Though, after a minute, the spinning isn’t just for balance anymore.

It brings him back to a time long forgotten. Christmas and her birthdays with a particularly good present. Days at the fair when she’d win a huge stuffed animal and couldn’t wait to tell him all about it. Days when Joel would get home after working a double and she couldn’t sleep until she heard his footsteps. Picking her up after school and he’d be waiting outside for her; Sarah running for him and exclaiming how she got an ‘A’ on the project she spent all night on.

Sarah’s smile and the bounce of her hair as she raced for her dad were always met with such an embrace. One arm cradling her head as his other held her against him by her back. How Joel would stumble back, sometimes as an exaggeration, just so he could spin them around. Just so he could take a few steps to hold his little girl against him. Just so he could take a few precious, hallowed moments to rock her back and forth in his arms, like how he would to rock her to sleep as a baby.

Joel continues to turn and step haphazardly along the streets of Jackson, taking Ellie in every single stride. And with every old memory that passes between their bodies in the streets of Jackson, it reminds him. It reminds him of the emptiness he’s felt without her. The hole that her loss created. That Sarah-sized-hug section of his heart that was brutally cut out of him that early morning in September.

And those reminders only make Joel hug Ellie a little tighter, spin a little more, and walk a little farther.

Ellie’s legs lightly wrap around his middle, trying to get as close as she possibly can. Joel just squeezes the arm that’s across her back tighter as he threads his fingers gently through her hair.

Her breathing is against his neck. Her chest rises and falls against his and her heart beats right alongside his own. Each others bodies fall in sync with each other, like they always do. Their breathing synchronizing, finding the stability in each others proof of life.

For a split second, he’s reminded again. He’s reminded of her held against his chest. He’s reminded of her small hands around his neck as he ruan through the streets. He’s reminded of her high-pitched fears and his attempted reassurances to calm her down.

He’s reminded of an attempted hug. An attempted hug full of pain and a fleeting heartbeat. Small hands clawing at his arms and neck, crying out. Crying and groaning over the pain in her abdomen. Crying over the pain he was causing.

He cries. He cries, but he can barely bring himself to care at this point.

She’s alive. He’s holding his daughter now and that means she’s alive. She’s no longer a cold and ruined body maimed by the violence of the world. No longer another victim to a sickness that Cordyceps could never match. No longer a shadow of a broken world. No longer just a memory.

He cries because he loves her. He cries because he knows this isn’t the last time he’ll ever hug her. He cries because he’s not hurting her this time. He cries because she’s clinging on to him as hard he is to her.

He cries because she loves him.

He turns his face more into hers, his nose burying into her hair. She smells like fresh soap, the same soap, clean clothes, and their little blue house. Like old books and the leather of their couch. Like pine cones and fire.

And that only makes it harder for him to hold back. He sniffles into her hair and she hears it, feels it. She hugs around his neck tighter, bringing one of her arms down to rub a few strokes up and down his back to comfort him. He does it back to her, continuing to relish in the feeling of her wrapped in his arms.

Joel slows their spinning to a gentle back-and-forth swing before he lowers her down, Ellie’s tip toes planting onto the asphalt first. She stays that way, still reaching up over Joel’s neck as he bends down slightly, arms around her middle.

Joel is the first to pull away, much to Ellie’s apprehension due to her still clinging to his shirt as he pulls her away from him.

But he doesn’t let her go. His arms linger on her sides as he pulls her away, immediately bringing them up to her cheeks when he can finally see her face completely.

Joel is nearly out of breath, and not because of his old muscles and achy bones. “Are you okay?” He checks her up and down. Injuries, blood, anything. A habit he picked up on the road, always checking her first for injuries to make sure she was okay. It stayed even when they moved into Jackson. Whether she was at the stables the majority of the day or at home drawing and reading, he had to check.

He had to make sure she was okay, even if there was no reason to. He had to be sure. He couldn’t let himself fail again for not checking.

He holds her cheeks gently, his fingers stretching behind her ears as his thumbs rub back and forth along her cheekbones.

Ellie laughs wetly at his question, tears falling from the corners of her eyes. Joel wipes them away as he smiles, cherishing the familiar sound of her laugh at every opportunity.

She looks up at him, nearly as breathless as he is. “Are you?” There’s a hint of sarcasm, but more genuine care.

There’s two wet streaks down the sides of his face from where his tears poured out of the corners of his eyes. He’s still smiling at her as she brings her hands up to his face, copying his movements, and wiping her thumbs over the corners of his eyes and following the streaks until they hit his beard, disappearing.

His eyes close briefly until she brings them back to his wrists, holding tightly to them again. He smiles at the affection. She doesn’t do it often, but when she does, it means the world to him to have something like that reciprocated to him.

He smiles wider, bringing her head gently to his to let their foreheads touch. Their hands stay right where they are, their breathing slowing and falling in tune with each others again as they inhale and exhale together. Their breaths in the small space between saying every word they can’t.

Words have never been their strong suit. They’ve always defaulted to touch or gifts to express what’s going on. Not only is such a thing more comforting, but it’s always said more than their words could ever express. They have had talks before, and getting through them is like pulling teeth every time, so they always result to physical touch. It’s easier, safer for both of them.

Instead of answering each others questions, which were pleas more than anything, they hug. Joel’s right hand goes behind her neck and guides her face to his chest, Ellie settling comfortably against him as her arms wrap around his middle. His left hand sits over her shoulderblade as his right cards through her hair from her scalp to her ends, each strand untangling and falling through his fingertips before he repeats the motion.

Their shoulders drop, the both of them able to finally relax with the other in their grasp. In the safety only the other can provide.

Joel turns his head to the side, his cheek resting atop her head as he continues threading his hand through her hair. Against his chest, she breathes in. The same soap and hints of the shampoo they share. He smells like little whittled woodland creatures and coffee.

They smell like home to each other. Some brought about from their time on the road, and some brought about from their time in Jackson that are only associated with the other.

They don’t smell like blood, grass, or kicked up dirt. Not like overgrown buildings and gunpowder. Not like screaming infected or houses riddled with bullet holes. Not like the cold and hollow corpses of once beloved family, friends, and lovers.

They don’t hear the gasping breaths and dying heartbeats. They don’t see the cloudy eyes or feel the pasty skin. They don’t smell the bloody limbs or smell the faint, musky scent of the fleeting life in front of them.

There’s full, rich breathes between them. Pounding, healthy heartbeats against each others chest. Eyes full of light and love that intently watch the other. Their skin, washed clean and healing from injuries. Their scents showing a full life, as full as they can have, and it’s because of the other.

Joel starts to pull away slowly before Ellie nuzzles back against him, pressing her face into his flannel in protest. Joel laughs and Ellie smiles at the rumble in his chest that pounds against her cheek. She lets out a deep sigh as she lets Joel pull her away, not letting her go any further from him than his bent arm.

He keeps his right hand resting on her shoulder as he leans closer to her again, kissing her hairline. He rests his cheek briefly over the spot before kissing again and leaning back, his hand finding that all-too-familiar spot on her cheek.

“Let’s go home, yeah?” She nuzzles into his palm, the warmth and steady hold of it so easy to lean into. She closes her eyes, a small “mhm” escaping her lips as she smiles.

She pulls his hand off her cheek and into her hand, interlocking their fingers together as their arms fall in the space between them.

Their walk from the front gate to their home is a quiet one, filled with small giggles, hummed tunes, and kicked pebbles along the streets. Ellie brings her right hand to his forearm, clinging tight to his side, like the asphalt would swallow him whole if she even dared to loosen her grip on him. And if the hold he has on her hand is any indication, he feels the same way.

And later that night when they’re in bed and Ellie is asleep, curled up small and comfortable against his side, his memories really sink in.

Memories of Sarah. Memories of Sarah that are… fading. Parts of her that aren’t clear anymore. The way she smelled. What was her shampoo? The soap they used? The scent he breathed in every night? The way the world froze with every sprinting hug when he’d hold her and breathe in her hair and he can’t remember it. That perfume he bought her for prom. The prom she never got to go to. How she tried it on in the store.

Dad! What about this one?

Think you got yourself a winner there, kiddo.

Her life was ripped from him. Her scent and what made her… her were gone from him, now. No recollection of what made Sarah herself. The gel she’d use in her hair. The same detergent they’d use when they washed their clothes. A detergent long gone that he can’t even smell his own clothes to remember her that way. The sweet, lavender scent of her shampoo that always filled their bathroom.

He pulls his arm around Ellie a little tighter, Ellie snuggling closer to him and resting her head atop his chest and as he pulls her close, bringing his lips to the crown of her head. He kisses her head there once, resting his lips there as he feels her chest rise and fall against his own. As he breathes in her hair and the scent of their shampoo. As his right hand finds her left arm draped over his abdomen, holding it gently. As he hears her steady breathing against his chest, the sure sign that she’s there. She’s with him. She’s okay.

Please.

Don’t let me forget her, too.

#this is ROUGH #just now posting at 1:30am #I started it at like #4pm.#because SOME people wouldn’t shut up 👎🏻#anyway it’s not that good but #we ball 🏀#I completely copied all of Alex’s thoughts and texts #I love you so much Alex please don’t be angry I copied like everything you said #but it wouldn’t leave me alone!!!!#you write so much better than me anyway so if or when you cover this #I know it’ll be ten times better #How Can I is coming you guys I promise!!!#I MEAN THAT!!!!#the last of us hbo #joel miller #ellie williams #L fics

63 notes · View notes

missathlete31 · 1 year

Text

Nowhere To Run- Chapter 7

Summary:

Jake and Bradley finally come to blows, literally

Warnings for physical fights, bad language and just a whole bunch of angst

The music was still playing, people were still dancing, the party was still in full swing, yet a blonde pilot stood in the center of it all, mind reeling from what had just transpired. Jake Seresin was in a semi-state of shock from his confrontation with Pete Mitchell, his heart thundering in his chest as the former captain’s words buzzed in his ears. He felt a hand grip his shoulder, startling the man so badly that he jumped back in alarm. Jake whipped around on his heels to be faced with a concerned looking Javy Machado, the man’s forehead creasing at his friend’s jumpiness. "Hey" Javy began, eyes narrowed as he took in Jake's paling face with a frown, "you alright?"

"Hm?" Hangman couldn't stop his gaze from trailing after the direction Maverick left in, "yeah fine,” his voice was as detached as his mind felt but Jake’ll be damned if he couldn’t at least attempt to slip back under his mask. “I’m good.”

Coyote didn't look like he believed him one iota, following Jake’s eyes to trail a ghost’s path through the dancers. He glanced back at his friend worriedly, "I saw you talking to Mav" the man levied, "how did that go?"

The blonde offered a shrug but it was a weak attempt at nonchalance, "A little weird” Jake finally conceded.

The other man bristled with snarky amusement, "Yeah no shit, the guy's looked like a zombie all night."

Jake didn't fully realize in his slightly dazed state, but Javy was subtly maneuvering him back towards their table and out of the crowd. Hangman let himself be manhandled, a sure sign in itself that he wasn’t in the best headspace at the moment. Javy’s hand was a comforting warmth on the back of Jake’s shoulder, steering him to a relative safety.

“What were you doing with him for so long anyway?” the darker skinned man asked curiously. When Jake stayed silent, Javy filled the quiet with more words. “You looked tense man, I tried to rescue you-" Coyote nodded over to where Fanboy was dancing with a young woman, "I was on my way until Mickey roped me into playing photographer for him and his date."

Jake snapped back to himself enough to wave the other man off, "it's fine, we were just- we were just talking."

"About what?" Javy pressed.

"Uh" Jake swallowed roughly. He wasn't quite sure where to begin, so much of that conversation had kept him off balance. "We talked about my future, kinda” his voice rose enough to make it sound like a question.

Coyote's brow furrowed but they reached the table before he had a chance to respond. Jake moved to sit, smiling weakly at Naomi who was engaged in a discussion with Callie and Marilyn, before he plopped in his chair. Javy followed suit, and then immediately turned back to his friend, "okay so you talked about your future? What about it?"

"Do you think I could ever become Admiral?" Hangman asked softly, voice unsure, "or is that just not in the cards for someone like me?"

It certainly wasn't what Javy was expecting his best friend to ask if the double take was any indication but the other man rolled with his surprise and offered a cheeky grin, "I mean I have a pretty embarrassing video of you dancing and singing to Salt 'N Pepa's ‘Push It’ that would probably disqualify you on sheer cringe level alone-"

Jake huffed a laugh that eased the tension that had been steadily building inside him since his talk with Mitchell, "that was you" he informed with mirth.

Javy tilted his head in contemplation, "was it? I mean I vaguely recall the dance moves being on point, so I guess that makes sense. No way your white ass can do anything but square dancing."

Hangman rolled his eyes, "Yeah, yeah."

"Hey" Coyote nudged him, his face turning serious, "you've been on that Admiral track since the academy, we've all seen it. Did Mav disagree or something?"

Jake looked down at his hands to avoid eye contact, playing with the blunt edges of his nails as he ran them across the white linens that rested on the table, "something like that" he admitted quietly.

"Well that's bullshit" Coyote's annoyance was palpable. "What did he say? That Rooster would be the better fit again?"

"He um...” Jake fidgeted, unsure why he was so nervous about telling his buddy what Mav had alleged. It wasn’t that he believed Javy would agree with the disgruntled Captain, if anything his best friend was more likely to freak out the minute Jake told him the truth. Yet something about saying those harsh words out loud made it feel like Jake was giving them some kind of credence. That the universe would declare that Pete was right after all and Jake’s career would be destined to flash out as quick as a blown out flame, ending with him in a pine box. Hangman shuddered, looking up to see Javy having caught the movement with a critical glare. “Jake-“ Coyote started with a voice of care, “what did he say?”

The blonde sighed, “He basically said that the best thing I could do for my career in the Navy was to die quick."

"Wait" Javy held up a hand as if to physically halt the conversation, the man not quite able to comprehend the words that had just come out of Jake’s mouth. "Captain Mitchell, your former CO, said what to you?"

"He said," and Hangman rubbed a weak hand behind his neck to ground himself, "that men like him and me... we don't rise up in the ranks, we don't go far, we are just meant to fly until we die and stop being liabilities."

Javy's face looked blank for a moment before it darkened with a murderous gleam, "okay first of all” the man looked to almost rise in his chair in his fury, “what the fuck man? Who the hell is he to say that to you?"

"Well he's been in the Navy for decades-"

"And only stayed a Captain!” Javy bit back immediately. “Um, hello projection of your own limitations, welcome to the table" the pilot looked livid, "Mav's pissed because his career is over so he's going to take it out on you? No way man, that's messed up."

"So you don't think it's true?"

Jake almost flinched at the look his best friend gave him. "No" Javy spoke especially slowly to make sure the man took in every word, "I don't. Shit Jake, don't tell me you do?"

"I don't know” the blonde muttered looking down once more. It’s amazing how fascinating a table cloth could be when you wanted to avoid your best friend’s scrutinizing gaze, “I have been pretty reckless in my flying,” Jake admitted out loud, “and I leave wingmen behind-"

"Not when it matters. Hey" Javy forced Jake to look at him, "not when it's ever mattered. Yeah you leave people behind in training. Is it annoying? Yeah. Does it make me want to go faster next time to wipe the smug smirk off your face? Hell yeah. And that's what it makes us all do; be better, be faster. But there has never been a time in all the years of flying with you that I have ever doubted you wouldn't be right there if any of us needed you. Shit man, the mission proved that enough."

"Yeah, I know, thanks Javy” but Jake’s eyes were still moving downcast, his voice holding the tiniest wobble of uncertainty. It was nice to have Javy’s staunch support but Maverick’s words still stung. Jake had always looked up to Pete Mitchell, of his accomplishment and his record of valor. Hearing the man exclaim they were similar should have been a compliment until it was finished with the warning that they were both better off dying young to get out of the way. Jake had no fears of dying, it was a possibility for all active duty military members, and he certainly would prefer dying for a purpose or to save someone if it had to happen soon. However he liked to think that he was more useful to this world alive rather than dead. Thinking any other way was a cruel pill he didn’t think he was strong enough to swallow.

Javy huffed in angry frustration when he saw his best friend still having trouble believing him, "I mean it Jake” he reiterated, “Mitchell was wrong, and I have half a mind to go smack the shit out of him for saying all this. Where the hell did he get off?"

"I ruined his career-"

"Did you?” Coyote challenged, his voice shifting into the tone he tended to get when he really wanted to get a point across to the normally hardheaded Hangman. “You're the reason he didn't get promotions all those years? You're the reason he decided to let his personal relationships dictate the plan for a suicide mission that impacted four other pilot’s lives? You’re the reason he decided to pull a dangerous stunt on a bunch of replacements that not only ended his career but theirs as well?” Javy leaned back in his chair with a look of over-exaggerated amazement, “Wow Jake” he mocked but not unkindly, “who knew you had that much control on other people's actions?"

The blonde scowled. It wasn’t as simple as Javy was making it sound but Jake could also concede that it wasn’t as complicated as he himself was making it. The truth was this whole situation was just plain unfortunate. Jake was sorry that the Dagger Squad didn’t become what some of the team wanted but he wasn’t sorry that he chose what made sense for him in his career. Maverick’s accident in the sky a few weeks ago was not Hangman’s fault. He wasn’t in the air that day and if a decision made months ago was enough to initiate such a visceral emotional response in someone like Pete ‘Maverick’ Mitchell that it affected his judgment up in the air, then the man shouldn’t have been in command anymore anyway; he was dangerous to everyone up there.

“I think we should head out” Coyote announced suddenly, looking to his wife who had stopped her other conversation to catch the tail end of the discussion with her husband and his best friend. Naomi nodded, “sure” she agreed amicably but Hangman instantly shook his head. “No we can’t leave” he argued, “they didn’t even serve dinner yet.”

“The perks of having a heavily pregnant wife dude” Coyote motioned to Naomi, “a built in excuse” he informed. His wife rolled her eyes with a mock slap to his arm, “I feel like I should be offended” she chided.

Javy gave a charming smile as he moved in to kiss the love of his life quickly on the lips, “I’ll make it up to you later with a foot rub.”

“Mmmm” the woman moaned as Javy’s lips moved to her neck, teasing the skin gently with just the barest hint of his teeth, “works for me. Use me as the excuse boys, I’m good with it.”

“No” Jake cut in; embarrassed that his friends needed to cut their night short because he got upset over a drunken man’s rambling. “Mav was just spouting nonsense alright? It wasn’t a big deal.” Hangman could tell the Machados weren’t completely convinced so he turned on the charm, “and look you both said this place is known for its steak right? So let’s wait at least until we get our dinners before we attempt our Irish goodbyes.”

The couple shared a glance. “You sure Jake?” Javy asked, looking like at the slightest nod from his best friend and he would have them all out of there in seconds. There was warmth in Hangman’s body from the other man’s fierce protectiveness that translated to a smile on the blonde’s face. “I’m sure” he nodded, “now come on, let’s try to enjoy ourselves while we wait for our food.” He offered a hand to Naomi who took it gracefully as he helped pull her up. Once standing, Jake swung the woman carefully in a spin, a high squeal of laughter erupting from the pregnant lady. Javy followed after the two as the trio made their way onto the dance floor to have some fun.

About a half an hour later the guests were being called back to their tables as dinner platters were being served. Jake found himself rosy with amusement and from the exertion of dancing, him and Javy pulling out all the stops to some of the old 90’s hits that the Fitchs’ DJ kept playing. It was the first time all night that Jake just closed off his mind and let go, the rest of the Daggers following suit until they seemed to take over the entire dance floor. Payback was pulling off bad break dancing movies to the amusement of his new wife, Callie and Omaha tried the dirty dancing lift but almost took out poor Bob and Fanboy stole a microphone and attempted some bad karaoke. Jake and the others laughed more out there then he could ever remember, and it made him happy, so happy, that he didn’t chose to leave back when he did. He would have been sad to have missed this time.

As they all headed back to their seats, Jake’s contentment had lulled him back into a pleasant mood, the earlier issues with Maverick put to the backburner in his mind. He sipped some water before he nodded over to Javy, “Hey man, I gotta hit the head, be back in a sec.”

“Do you want me to go with-“ but Javy cut off at the steely look he received from his friend. “Alright” the man conceded with a wiry grin, “just offering” he held his hands up in mock surrender.

“I think I can manage on my own, thanks” Jake informed, “been potty-trained for quite a while now actually.“

“Well that’s a relief to hear Seresin, we were all so worried” Yale and Harvard were heading back to the table from their time on the dance floor, both shiny with sweat and flushed with merriment as they caught the tail end of the conversation. Hangman offered them both a curt middle finger as he took his leave, their laughs washing over him as he headed for the men’s room.

Jake’s destination was in his peripheral as he squeezed around the last few groups of people making their way back to their seats. He was nearly there when a hand shoved him roughly to the right, almost sending the blonde into an elder couple that was still dancing but Jake luckily managed to catch himself in time.

He turned around, thoroughly confused until an angry Bradley Bradshaw was suddenly right in his vision. The man’s hand reached for him once more this time physically manhandling him the rest of the way out of the reception room and taking him into the deserted hall. Jake offered a protest but it was largely ignored, only when they were finally far enough away from the main doors did Rooster lessen his grip and all but throw Hangman away from him.

The younger man poised himself, readying for a fight, his green eyes constricted with annoyance only to see Bradley’s brown eyes were locked and loaded, staring at Jake with such primitive disgust it almost made the blonde want to recoil. But Jake refused to back down, “If you wanted to dance Bradshaw” he mocked with a long Texas drawl, “all you had to was ask-“

Rooster’s face reddened, “You had to rub it in, didn’t you?” he asked, the fury so visceral that his spit clung to the corner of his mouth like foam to a rabid dog. “You couldn’t just leave well enough alone-“

“What are you talking about?”

“Cut the shit” the man demanded, hand pulling on Jake’s uniform when he dared to take a step back, “where the hell do you get off doing that?”

“Doing what?” Hangman questioned, arms ripping out of Bradley’s grip to raise them in confusion, “I’m trying to go take a piss and you’re grabbing me like you want a pissing contest-“

“I grabbed you because once again” the older man huffed, “you had to take your victory lap.”

“What victory lap?” Jake’s face couldn’t hide his perplexity, “shit Bradshaw what are you drunk or something?”

“Mav!” Bradley screeched, “You just had to go up to him, had to rub it in that he lost everything when it was all because of you!”

“Me!” Jake exasperation was tangible, his righteous anger beginning to simmer, “Mav started it! He brought it up! I was trying to get a drink and he decided to air out every grievance he has against me!”

“A move you perfected asshole, or does the day in the hangars not ring a bell?”

Hangman scoffed, “he confronted me that day too and you know it.”

“You tell yourself whatever you want princess” Rooster jeered, “but it doesn’t fix what you did tonight. Mav is hurting you asshole, I know this might be hard for you to understand since you have more concern for toothpicks than you do other people but he didn’t need this.”

“I didn’t do anything” Jake pushed back, not relenting. “I said hello because he was right there. He was the one that started with his pity party and then he was the one that said some pretty fucked up things to be me in the process.”

“His career, that he worked decades on, is over, what do you expect?”

“Decorum?” Jake waved his arms out in front of him for emphasis, “Decency? Shit, I don’t know, maybe some accountability? He almost killed three pilots that day-”

Bradley rolled his eyes, “He pulled the same moves he did for us the first day and we were all fine-“

“It doesn’t mean that it was right!”

“- and it would had been fine that day too if we were all still a team, if Mav still had his Daggers” Bradshaw continued as though Jake never interrupted. He pointed a finger at the man opposing him, “but you took that from him, and you broke something in him when you did it.”

“Oh for shit’s sake, get a new story” the blonde moaned, “Mitchell lost the Daggers when he chased after you with his tail between his legs because his dear Rooster was upset. The other guys saw that and they knew that they would never be worth more to their Commanding officer as his precious Bradley freaking Bradshaw. His judgments and his decisions would always be clouded by you!”

Bradley looked ready to kill, “Well I’m sorry that my father died and Mav decided to be a more decent human being than you’ll ever even comprehend and look after his wingman’s family. I’m sorry that his heart, the same one that cared about all the Daggers even your selfish ass, told him it was more important to look after me and my mom than how it would impact his career-“

“And that’s why no one has ever said he wasn’t a good man Bradshaw” Jake was yelling now, trying to be heard over the other man, “but he shouldn’t have been your CO too! It’s not professional, there are rules about it!”

“He was the only person that was getting us through that mission alive and now he’s kicked out of the Navy. Are you proud of yourself now Seresin? His career is ruined-“

“Mav ruined his career all on his own, okay? An action a long time coming from the way he deals with stress-“ the quip earned a hard shove from his adversary, Jake stumbling back a few paces before he could catch himself right-footed once more. The anger in Hangman was blatant now. The normally composed man enraged once again by this same old argument; the fact that he couldn’t even get up from his table without finding some sort of confrontation tonight also exasperating his frustration. “But you’re familiar with that aren’t you Rooster?” he questioned, going in for the cheap shot, “blaming everything else but yourself for your own fuck-ups?”

“Rich from you Dagger Spare” Bradley spat the last words like they were curses, throwing back Jake’s biggest insecurity to his face. “Standing on your high horse telling everyone that can listen that the reason you didn’t get picked was because Mav was trying to win me back. But tell me Hangman, did you ever sit back and think that maybe it was because you weren’t the right fit?”

Jake huffed out a breath with an eye roll, “I’m a better pilot than you Bradshaw-“

“If you need to stroke your own ego again, then fine” the other man acquiesced to the surprise of the younger man, “sure, you’re the better pilot, but I was the one who had the others behind me. I was the one they trusted!” Rooster smirked when he saw Hangman’s face fall, “that was more important for the mission” the brunette explained, “more important than speed.”

He wasn’t wrong. Jake loathed admitting it but Bradley wasn’t wrong. Coming into the mission Jake played his Hangman persona too much; was a little too heavy handed with the bravado and the snark. His introduction to the other pilots had them rolling their eyes at his attitude and muttering about him under their breaths and even to his face. They didn’t like him, and after his show with Phoenix and Bob, they didn’t trust him. Bradshaw meanwhile, had spent the first hop taking the hit for Payback and Fanboy, instantly revering him in the eyes of his team as a selfless and team player. He earned all their trust on the same day Jake lost it. His face must have shown the realization because Rooster immediately smiled, cold and harsh in the lights of the hallway, “yeah” Bradshaw nodded, “doesn’t feel so great when the truth hits does it?”

Jake felt his face flush as the desperate need to escape overwhelmed him. It was foolish to engage with Bradshaw, to get into these conversations over and over once again, and it especially didn’t help when Jake was feeling a little too tongue tied to properly defend himself. But leaving now seemed like the coward’s answer and Hangman would never allow himself to be that. “Fine” the blonde submitted, “maybe I wasn’t the right choice but the others-“

“You have never given a shit about Fritz not being the one picked” Bradshaw cut in immediately, his words slapping down Jake’s arguments like gnats as he took a step closer, popping the blonde’s personal space bubble until they were almost nose to nose, “you used him to make you point that day but it meant nothing. That day it was about you, it’s always about you Hangman.”

It was Jake’s turn to push, shoving Bradley enough for the brunette to lose his balance for a moment, “back off Bradshaw” the blonde warned.

Rooster grinned wickedly, walking closer once more and giving Jake a shove of his own, “what’s the matter Seresin? The facts hurt too much?”

“I said back off-“

“Aw” Bradley mocked, “Hangman’s got no witty retort, no little comeback? Is it because you know it’s true?” he smirked just like Jake always did. “Face it Seresin, all you will ever care about, is yourself. That’s why you have no friends, no one to go to bat for you besides Javy and that’s out of pity than anything else. You came after me and Mav after the mission because we did something that no one will ever do for you, we went back for each other. You’re a shitty teammate, that’s why you weren’t picked. No one has ever fought to fly with you and they never will. You’ll never be the commander you dream to be so why don’t you just keep hanging people out to dry and start counting fallen wingmen as your air to air kills. Should reach that Ace status real quick that way.”

Jake opened his mouth but nothing came out, just the white noise of building ire spurning in his gut. He locked eyes with Bradshaw, rage meeting rage as the older man went in for the kill. “I mean, unless one of your teammates knocks you off first“ Rooster laughed with barely contained glee, “maybe that will be the early grave Mav told you about right? He was telling me about your conversation at the bar and I must say I agree” the mustached man shared, “you’d do the world a much bigger favor going out before you leave more of our pilots out to dry. I’m sure your parents would concur wouldn’t they?”

And then Jake lunged.

It was stupid and unbelievably out of character for Hangman but he didn’t care at the moment. As much as he enjoyed his silver tongue he never enjoyed physical altercations and he normally never started them. But Bradshaw’s words hit too many nerves, too many insecurities; rubbing into all the wounds that Maverick had splayed open not two hours before. The blonde couldn’t help the rush of fury as he launched himself at the brunette with a clenched fist. Bradley welcomed it, more than prepared and ready to use his size to his advantage but before they could inflict any real damage besides pushes and shoves, they were stopped.

“Hey!” Rough hands were throwing Jake back as he vaguely recognized Omaha and Harvard grabbing Rooster. “Hey!” Fanboy was standing in between them, his face livid, “what the hell is this?” he asked out loud but no one responded. “I said, what the hell is this?” he chastised again as though they were children and not grown men, “You both promised you’d behave tonight! That you wouldn’t cause a scene at your friend’s wedding-“

“I’m cool” Rooster shrugged off the others, giving a valiant performance of how Hangman reacted in their classroom altercation all those months ago, “I’m cool” he smirked again.

Jake wished he had gotten a punch in, wished he could have slammed his fist into Bradley’s pompous face for doing this to him again and again; pushing him and getting under his skin. He was aware that Rooster had probably felt this same way about him numerous times in the past and maybe even now although he hid it behind the cocky façade, but Jake wouldn’t dwell on that. He couldn’t right now. Right now he just wanted to get out of any space with Rooster in it before he did something he’d regret.

“Jake-“ Javy was there, pulling Hangman back while still watching his flank in case Bradley got close again, “what the hell happened?”

“I need some air-“ Jake croaked, the events of this wedding just become too much. For a man that prided himself on keeping his cool, the blonde was way too close to losing it, “I gotta get some air” he all but begged again.

“Okay yeah” Javy was steering him once more, this time towards the exit and away from the other’s who were taking Bradley back inside the party. “Come on” Javy urged still pushing Hangman along, hovering right next to him like a guiding light in the storm, “let’s get outside-“

“I need air on my own Coyote-“ Jake fought to take control of his own movements again, simultaneously hating losing Javy’s kindness but needing a moment to get himself back under control in private. “I just need a minute.”

The other man instantly shook his head, “I don’t think so, every time you leave my sight you’re getting into it with someone else.”

“Javy-“

“I’m not letting you-“

“Damn it Javy, I’m not a child!”

“I’m not saying you are but-“

“Will you leave me alone for Christ’s sake!” he finally screamed, stopping their movements like a petulant child, “I don’t need you on my ass every second! I can get some damn air by my damn self okay? SO BACK OFF!”

The second Jake spoke the words he regretted them. Javy stuttered back immediately, taking his hands off the blonde and holding them up in a placating manner. His face looked hurt long enough for Jake’s heart to clench before the darker skinned man schooled his features. “Fine” Coyote told him, a little colder than he usually spoke to his best friend, “I’ll just wait for you in here okay? Call me if you need anything.” Before Jake could even reply, the man had walked off.

Jake cursed himself as he headed outside the wedding venue, annoyed at his emotional displays throughout this night. He hadn’t meant to snap at Javy, of all the people here tonight he was the one looking out for Jake the most, but of course Hangman managed to ruin that too.

He was ruining a lot of things lately apparently.

The night air cooled the flush of anger on Jake’s face as he closed his eyes and exhaled sharply. He was tired, so tired, and he knew he needed to own up to his outburst and apologize to Javy before they all took their leave for the night. Any enjoyment left to be had was over, the night spoiled.

Jake sighed, steadying himself against a pillar on the back porch of the country club. It was a cloudy night, even the stars hiding from Jake and his anger, but he still managed to catch a few glimpses of passing airplanes in the sky to ground himself.

After a few minutes of calming breaths, Hangman brought his eyes back to level ground, noticing a woman sitting on a bench down the sidewalk. The dress uniform and bun confirmed it was a woman and considering he had last seen Halo, shaking her head in disappointment over Jake and Bradley’s fight, that meant the woman on the bench could only be Natasha Trace. Jake paused for a moment, unsure if he should approach. There was a nagging voice in his ear that sounded suspiciously like Javy Machado, warning him with a shout that the last thing he needed was another conversation right now but the blonde ignored it, moving instead out into the mild Florida night and walking towards his former teammate.

The woman tensed up at the footsteps, her body almost prepping herself until she saw it was Jake in front of her. She lowered her defensives immediately, making Jake feel better about his decision to engaged.

“Phoenix” He drawled out with a teasing tone, trying not to show his surprise that the woman was actually staying to chat instead of retreating like she did during the cocktail hour.

Natasha’s dark eyes closed for a moment, as she let out a sigh, “Bagman” she greeted, voice measured though it sounded like it was taking more of an effort than usual.

There was so much Jake wanted to say, wanted to ask, but he stayed silent for a moment. The normally talkative blonde felt every word in his arsenal insufficient for this moment. “It’s- been a while” he finally settled on, just as inadequate but at least it got a reaction. Phoenix sized him up; a smirk playing on her lips that made Jake wanted to jump for joy for the win of seeing some sort of life to Natasha again, the fire that been missing from the woman making everyone in the vicinity of Phoenix feel so very cold. “How have you been?” he levied when it dawned on him that conversation was going to be his responsibility out here.

She shrugged, looking down at her dress shoes that were half buried under the pretzel style position she sat in, “been better” she finally shared.

“Yeah” Jake spared a glance around before moving to sit next to her. It made him keep his back to the country club which made him feel exposed but he didn’t like standing over Phoenix either, “I heard things have been rough for the squad lately.”

Nat only scoffed in reply before her mouth fell quiet once more.

Jake whistled for a moment in the silence that followed, the notes barely making a tune before trying his hand with Trace again. “Do you want to talk about it?”

She set a glare on him but it missed the playful annoyance and contempt that it usually held, still too lifeless to be a normal Phoenix scowl. “Why would I want to do that” she asked.

“Didn’t you know?” Jake feigned surprise, “I’m a great listener.”

“Right” the tiniest lift appeared on Nat’s lips, almost like her body was slowly losing the fight to hold in all her emotions. “That’s what everyone says about you Bagman.”

“Hey” he nudged her gently, “come on, talk to me Trace, you’re starting to freak me out with all this brooding silence.”

“I just don’t want to hear it” she muttered, avoiding his eyes.

“Hear what?”

“The ‘I told you so’.”

Jake sighed, cursing Javy once again for being right as he shifted to face the woman next to him and preparing for one more confrontation. So much for a nice leisurely talk. “So if you don’t want me to say I told you so” he began, keeping his calm but still being pressing, “then you must see it?” the blonde questioned, “how much you’ve changed.”

She narrowed her eyes, “I see you dying to say it but no, actually, I haven’t changed.”

“Really?” Jake shot back heatedly, “because I heard you’re the new big bully in town, knocking out WSO’s without a second glance-“

“They couldn’t keep up” she mocked and Jake couldn’t help the exasperated sigh that escaped him. How tired he was of people throwing his own words back at him tonight. He glared at Natasha with a small shake of his head, “fine, you don’t want to have this conversation I won’t force you but I will say it” he leaned in, watching as her brown eyes found his face, “I told you so. I told you to leave Bradley Bradshaw in your rear view mirror before this could happen, before he could ruin you.“

“He didn’t ruin me!”

“He did! You’re a freaking shadow of yourself!” Hangman knew he was yelling but he didn’t care, the desperation for the woman next to him to see what he saw making the words ooze out of him, “God damn it Nat, where is Phoenix, where is the fireball that kicked all of our asses into gear?”

“She grew up Jake” she shot out, that fiery temper no longer hidden as she pointed a stern finger at him like she used to do when she would lecture him on his bad teamwork, “like we all are meant to!”

“Bullshit” he pressed forward, forcing her finger all the way into his chest, heat rising in him when she didn’t pull it alway. “Where is Phoenix, the actual leader in every squad she joins? Where is Phoenix, the one who gets everyone flying their best without nastiness or competition but by camaraderie and teamwork? Where is Phoenix, the woman who has never cowered to anyone? Where is she?” the blonde continued, working himself into a huff, “because she’s sure as shit not here. Letting Bradshaw tell her when to sit and who to talk to and hiding her in a corner this whole night-“

“You don’t… “

“I don’t what?” he interrupted when she seemed to hesitate, “I don’t understand? I don’t know? I don’t get it?” he clung to her hands and resisted the urge to shake them until he got some real answers from the woman in front of him, “what is it Nat? Tell me-“

“You want to be mad at me for not listening to you that day outside of Top Gun but you don’t get it” she implored, “I didn’t have the choice you had.”

“You did” the blonde instigated further, “you were just too afraid to make it.”

“No” Nat’s eyes were flashing now, the most emotion she had shown all night and Jake couldn’t stop the joy in his heart at the sight of some fire from this bird. Nat deserved to feel again. “I had to stay okay, I had to!”

“Why?”

“Because I left him!” Natasha screamed, loud and clear in the dark night, “I left him in the sky that day, I left him, my best friend to d-die-“ she stuttered, a sob rippling through her small frame and heaving from her mouth, “I- I’m his b-best friend and I-“

“Shhh” Jake was grabbing her then, the woman not even putting up a protest as he brought her into his chest and rocked her softly, “Nat, you didn’t have a choice-“

“I-I didn’t even… I didn’t even look for a parachute” she sniffled, a wetness settling through Jake’s dress whites telling him she was crying though she managed to still speak, “I just headed back to the carrier,” she told him devastatingly, “I only worried about getting out of there and following orders.”

"Nat-"

"Don’t” she warned, muffled but still holding a threat, “you can’t say anything because even you Hangman” he hated the way his call sign fell from her lips, “went back for them and you hate Rooster. But me, his best friend, I turned tail and ran-“

Jake pulled the woman out a little so she could see him, the look of guilt in her eye a familiar feeling for the blonde that he hated to see the woman in front of him struggle with as well, "You had Bob, Natasha, you weren't the only one in that plane."

“It doesn’t matter-“

“It does,” he pushed, hoping his own conviction could persuade her, “you owed it to your WSO to get him home and you did. You did your job Natasha.”

She pulled all the way out of his grip, running fingers under her eyes to clean up her make-up and tears, "I still left him” she spoke up sadly, “I still left him behind.”

“So what?” Hangman questioned, “You feel guilty about that day so you’re going to make sure you never leave Bradshaw again? Ever? Does that sound rational to you?”

“Jake-“

“You are not yourself with him, don’t even try to deny it” he told her sternly when she opened her mouth to retort. “And if he cared about you even a quarter of the way you care about him he would see it too and he would let you go. He shouldn’t want this for you!”

Nat shook her head, “he does care about me, more than you know-“

“Then it should be a no brainer” Jake moved closer, inches from the woman’s face, “you aren’t yourself Nat, this” he emphasized the shell of a broken woman, the fire extinguished for so long now, “this is a downed bird when all you’ve ever deserved to do is fly.”

“Bradley he’s-“ she hesitated, “it’s not that simple” she finally settled on, her eyes wet and fraught as they caught his green ones. She managed a small smile as she took a gentle hand to his cheek, but the touch lasted for just the barest of seconds before she ripped it away as though his skin burned her. “I know you care about me and you think this is what I need but-“

“It is what you need Nat,” Hangman urged, “please, I can help you” he told her desperately, reaching his own hand now that she had broken the invisible barrier between them and wiping the tears that had begun to fall down her cheek once more. “Listen, we can go to Cyclone and ask him for a transfer together. You can serve with me and the Vigilantes, or I know Coyote’s squad has an opening. Or anywhere, anywhere you want to fly. You deserve to be free to go where you want!”

“I can’t” she sniffled, leaning back from his touch with a shaky breath, “it’s too late now.”

“No” he shook his head, “it’s not, look Bradshaw will be fine, don’t worry about him-“

“No I want to be with him, I have to now.”

Jake’s face blanched in surprise, “why?”

She gave him a heartbreaking look that didn’t match the next words from her mouth, “We’re together” she explained but it wasn’t said happily or excitedly. It was hollow, back to the Phoenix he had seen at the beginning of the day, the new Phoenix whenever Rooster got his claws in her.

Hangman was confused, “what?” he questioned, “together as in?”

“We’re a couple-“

“You can’t be serious-“

“What the hell is this?” called a voice and Jake snapped around and cursed every deity he had ever heard of. There was Rooster, once more being the bane of Jake’s existence and the master of appearing at inopportune moments. The blonde shook his head dejectedly while Natasha jumped from her seat as though scalded. “Bradley” she began, not quite nervous but not quite comfortable either. The bombshell of Phoenix’s last words were coming back to Jake now that the shock of Bradshaw’s entrance was dulling away and the blonde couldn’t help but scrunch his eyes with bewilderment at the strange couple the two made. Of course they had been friends for decades but they were always just that, friends. Trace was off-limits to the other pilots, in a league all her own and it went without saying that she was better than any of them would be getting. And as for Bradshaw, he always seemed to look and act like Nat was just another one of the guys. Jake could understand if it were just a physical thing, postings tended to have limited pickings and everyone had certain needs. A running pool had started a few years ago about whether Phoenix and Rooster had ever done it, Jake’s mind idly wondered what the pot had accumulated to.

“What are you doing out here with him?” Bradley was asking his girlfriend and Jake felt rage rise within him immediately, “she was talking to me Bradshaw, got a problem-“

“Oh all ready to go for round two I see” Rooster sneered before turning back to Phoenix, “Babe you should go inside, I left Mav alone, you mind checking on him?“

The woman nodded and moved to head in and Jake saw red, “telling her what to do and where to go?” the blonde chuckled sarcastically, “How abusive of you!”

“I just asked her” Bradley instantly defended, “she has a choice.”

Hangman nodded to the woman already making headway to get back inside, “clearly. So you control Phoenix now and Maverick, what a nice little family you got there Rooster.”

“Mind your business-“

“Nah” the blonde shrugged, moving to stand in Rooster’s face, “I don’t think I will.”

Bradley met his step, the two glaring at each other. Jake cursed the inch or two Rooster had on him, hating to concede even that little ground to the brunette in front of him. “My relationship with Nat is none of your business” Rooster informed, deadly serious, “nor is mine with Mav-“

“Nat looks like she is afraid of her own damn shadow and Mav is a drunken mess” Jake recited angrily, “I wouldn’t call what you have as relationships, more like you destroying the people that actually care about you-“

“I’m helping them!”

“You keep telling yourself that” the blonde interrupted immediately, “but it’s all bullshit. Both of them are floundering and instead of actually getting them help you’re keeping them to yourself in some misguided attempt to keep people around you. You’re so afraid of being alone that you would rather hurt others than be a little lonely! What’s the matter Bradshaw?” he mocked, “afraid if you let them think for themselves they will see you’re not worth the effort and ditch you?”

“You’d know all about that, wouldn’t you Hangman?“

“Yeah sure” Jake rolled his eyes, already tired of this narrative, “because I leave people hanging-“

“No” Bradley’s grin reappeared, the sight so close to Jake’s face it took all his effort not to take a step back but the blonde refused to not stand his ground. “I’m not talking about you leaving people Jake, but people leaving you, ditching you, abandoning you.”

“I don’t even know what you’re talking about”

“Oh I think you do. You accuse me of wearing my tragedies on my sleeve but how about you Jake? Poor little Hangman, all alone, with no family. I used to think you were just like me when we first got to know each other, an orphan. But you’re not Jake are you?”

“I might as well be”

“No,” Rooster continued, getting into his argument, “an orphan is someone whose parents died. You parents didn’t die Jake, they are still in Texas, back on that farm that they drove you out of. Your parents aren’t around because they didn’t want you. You were such a shitty son, a shitty person, that they would rather disown you than lay any claim.” Bradley scoffed dramatically, “what does that have to say about you, huh?”

“They didn’t leave me” Jake all but whispered, his heart clenching thinking of all the moments that he spent as a kid begging for his parent’s attentions, for their love, only to be denied each and every time. “I left them” he corrected, “because of what they did to me-“

“Yeah” Rooster gave a mockingly big, patronizing smile, “I remember hearing it all from Coyote back in the day. All about the hits and the smacks and how they starved you sometimes.” He tiled his head, “didn’t they lock you outside for like two days” he smirked when Jake couldn’t contain his shudder at the memory. “But parents love their kids Hangman, unless the kids give them a reason not to. You must have been some terror growing up-“

“Fuck you” Hangman spat back, his voice thick with emotions, “I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Rooster held his hands in mock surrender, “you never do, right Seresin?”

Jake rubbed a hand across his face, cursing when he felt the wetness of tears. “What does this have to do with you and the others, about what you’re doing to them?”

“I protect the people that I love” Bradley informed the blonde, “maybe if you weren’t such a selfish asshole you’d actually have people that would do the same for you and so you would understand. Maverick is broken; he lost his meaning in the world so I’m helping him, getting him back to himself to find a new purpose-“

Jake sniffled, “that sounds like a cult’s message if I ever heard one.”

“Believe what you want, it doesn’t matter to me.”

“I think it does” the blonde was frantic to get back on the offensive, to cool down his emotions and stop letting Bradley Bradshaw get the better of him. “I think it matters a lot Bradshaw, it’s why you keep pushing that I took the Daggers from Mav, it’s why you came out here like a bat out of hell when Nat even dared to talk to me. What’s the matter Bradshaw? Don’t want to share your toys? Scared that big bad Hangman is going to take them all away from you?”

“Well it wouldn’t be from lack of trying when it comes to Nat would it?” the brunette replied tersely.

Hangman shook his head, “What does that mean?”

“Come on, anyone with eyes can see that you love her-“

Jake stuttered back in surprise, Bradley’s words hitting him like physical blows. Did he love Phoenix? Yes, his heart was telling him but not in the way Bradshaw meant. Jake loved the spunky little pilot, the only person that could give it back to him when he was being a cocky asshole but with fondness mixed with her annoyance. He loved her skills and her brain; she was the best of the best at her craft just like him and she never apologized for it. She trained hard, studied harder, and earned every second she got in the air. Jake had been in love with her spirit from the moment he watched her take off into the air; Phoenix, a beautiful Phoenix, a majestic fire bird.

But she deserved so much better than him. He wanted so much more for her and that’s why his heart broke at the sight of her tonight, so far removed from the Phoenix he had always admired

The blonde looked up, his face surprisingly composed despite Roosters claims, “I don’t love her like that-“

“Sure you don’t” Bradley mocked sarcastically, “keep telling yourself that big guy” he patted Jake patronizingly on the chest, “but she chose me asshole. So for all your bitching and moaning about what a shitty person I am, I’m good enough for Nat and you’re not,” he shrugged his shoulders, “how’s that feel?”

“She’ll see your true colors soon” the blonde warned, “once you let her breathe for a moment.”

“No Jake it’s you that people leave when they see how you really are. It’s you” Rooster continued to press, “that people would rather be alone than be around. It’s you at the end of the day who will be so busy being the best of the best that you’ll have no one to celebrate with, no one to go home to, no one to mourn you when you’re gone.”

“Fine” Jake conceded, his voice impossibly small, “maybe I will be all alone, but at least I’m honest about myself. I don’t have anyone yeah, my parents couldn’t give two shits about me but I’m still trying okay? I’m still working to be the best. I don’t let my tragedies whether my own fault or not, dictate the rest of my life” he stepped into Bradley’s face, “I don’t act like the world owes me something every day of my damn life.”

“Watch it” Bradshaw warned, his face getting red, “watch what you say next Hangman or I swear I’ll-“

“You’ll what Rooster?” Jake instigated roughly, “hit me? What? You don’t want to hear about how you walk around with a chip on your shoulder like you had the hardest path to get to where you are because your papers for the academy didn’t go through-“

“You don’t know what you’re talking about-“

“I do though! Mav pulled them and you didn’t talk to the guy for 15 years! The man who loved you so much that he cared for you, remember? Something I wouldn’t understand. Well I understand why Mav did it but what I don’t understand is why you had to be so damn prissy to him about it for over a decade! News flash Rooster, you still became a pilot, you still graduated from Top Gun, you still became everything you ever wanted so who the fuck cares what Mav did! Honestly” the blonde pushed, letting out a deep breath from all his yelling, “unless staying mad about it earned you some favors with a certain COMPACFLT-“

Bradley’s eyes turned to daggers, ready to strike, “excuse me?”

“We all know how close Iceman and Maverick was,” Hangman lifted his hand in innocent nonchalance, “wouldn’t be too far of a stretch for the departed Admiral to pull strings to get you where you ended up, would it Bradshaw, fixing Maverick’s mistakes one more time, right?”

“Don’t you dare fucking say I didn’t earn where I am-“

“But he pulled us for the mission, even brought Mav back as well; Despite knowing you connections and despite knowing your current disagreement. But that’s you Bradshaw, always getting ahead the wrong way. Hell maybe you can become the next COMPACFLT, I’m sure there is someone else that flew with your dad and feels sorry enough to-“

But the rest of Jake’s were cut off when Bradley’s fist rose, landing right in the bone under the blonde’s eye. The force was staggering, enough that Jake fell to one knee to catch himself, not expecting the hit enough to prepare at all. Another punch was coming, this time hitting the younger man in the jaw before Jake regained enough wherewithal to bring his own hands up.

Hangman nailed a shot right to Bradley’s unprotected nose, pleasure swelling within the younger pilot as the sound of cartilage breaking filled the air. Rooster stumbled back, blood already starting to drip but he wiped it away with his dress sleeve, the red stain stark against the blinding white. The brunette got his feet under him and moved to attack again but Jake was ready, blocking a few of Rooster’s attempted body shots, but not getting a chance to land his own. Finally Bradley’s blows hit their marks, two back to back in Jake’s stomach that had the man doubled over and wheezing. Bradshaw moved in, the blood on his face eerie in the dark night, and looked to perform an uppercut to Jake’s already bruised ribs. The blonde shifted, moving his body out of the way before raising his arm back and launching it once more into Rooster’s face, the man collapsing to the ground from the force.

Jake stumbled for a moment, physically and mentally exhausted as he wished for Rooster to just stay down. The blonde’s eye was pulsing in pain and the taste of blood was filling his mouth, he moved to spit, turning his head, and then cursed himself as Bradshaw moved during Hangman’s split second of not paying attention. Rooster threw himself at Jake once more. This time it was more wrestling, the two men just flailing hard against each other as they grappled for control. Blows still landed at times, Jake felt his lip split as he landed his own gut punch to the brunette opposing him. There was no winner here, not between these two men, just anger and resentment and harsh words spurning into harsher hits. Jake imagined they would fight until they each collapsed, spent of energy every way possible.

Suddenly there was a hand grabbing his arm but Jake shrugged it off, not even comprehending the movement until a surprisingly feminine shout of alarm sounded from behind him. Jake managed to turn his neck in time to see Naomi stumbling backward from the force of his push before Bradley was slamming into him, the two men knocking back into the pregnant woman and pushing her to the ground. It took all the abdominal muscles Hangman possessed to catch both his and Bradshaw’s weight and shift it over, avoiding landing on top of Naomi and hurting her worse. Instead Jake landed solidly on his own back, the wind effectively knocked out of him and getting a punch in his stomach for his efforts before screams began to sound around them and Bradley was ripped off of him. Jake turned his swollen face to the right, seeing Javy sprint over and collapse beside his wife, cradling her carefully.

A hand cut through his vision, Bob and Dylan each offering help to get Jake up but they had to do all the work as Jake’s focus was entirely on his two friends still on the ground. The minute he was released he raced over, “N-Naomi” Jake stuttered, blood leaking once more from his mouth, “My God Naomi, I’m so sorry-“

“What the fuck man” Javy’s dark eyes looked to want to set Jake on fire when they found him, “what the fuck did you do?”

“I didn’t know it was her- I felt someone grab my arm and-“

“And you threw her!” Coyote screamed, “My wife! My pregnant wife-“

“I’m so sorry” Hangman breath hitched and he turned around to see some of the other Daggers pulling a bleeding Bradshaw back inside, “I didn’t mean to, I swear I wouldn’t-“

“Javy” Naomi was trying to stand but her husband didn’t seem so willing to let her go, “it was an accident, I shouldn’t have tried to stop them-“

“No” Javy was not letting this go so easily, “they shouldn’t have been fighting in the first place” he zeroed in on Jake, “this is why I asked to join you outside, because I knew, I knew, something like this was going to happen! But no, you shot me down, yelled at me to leave you the hell alone and then you hurt my family?”

“I’m so sorry” Hangman sobbed, his tears mixing with the blood on his face, “you’re right, I shouldn’t have pushed you away-“

“This is why we should have gone home hours ago!” Coyote continued, his temper nowhere near extinguished, “because every time you even get near Bradshaw you lose all your senses-“

“Javy I-“

“No!” he cut in, shutting Jake up quick, “no you don’t get to talk right now okay? You just shut up and listen!” When the blonde stayed silent, Coyote continued, “You had the balls to worry about how Bradshaw is impacting Mav and Phoenix but have you ever taken a look in the mirror and seen what he’s done to you? Shit Jake you’re the least emotional man I have ever seen. You’re eerily professional at all times, almost borderline cold and yet I catch you in how many fights tonight, your emotions all over the place, hell you almost cried before at the table when you asked me the Admiral question- “

Jake sniffled to contain his sob, not wanting to prove Javy’s words even though everything his friend was saying was true, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry-”

“I don’t care that you’re sorry!” Coyote’s words hit like knives, each one piercing another piece of Jake’s already shattered heart, “I don’t care one freaking bit. You put your hands on my wife Jake! You pushed her and then you and Rooster almost body slammed her with you stupid fucking antics! She could have fallen to the ground and been crushed by you both! She could be hurt; my unborn child could be hurt, for what? The next round in the endless battle between you and Bradshaw? No,” he shook his head, “I won’t do it, I will not let you make my family be your collateral damage anymore, I won’t-“

“Javy” Naomi moved to intercede, her own tears falling, “please, it’s alright, I’m fine-“

“No, they are two grown ass men that are lucky this wasn’t worse. That are lucky they didn’t hurt you, or that they weren’t arrested for the way they acted tonight.”

“You’re right” Hangman nodded, crisp and precise because he had to shut himself off before he collapsed to the ground from the weight of his guilt for what he had done to his best friends. Javy was right, he could have hurt Naomi, hurt their baby, in his stupid pissing contest with Rooster. He had never been more ashamed.

“I’m taking my wife to get checked out, you can find your own way home-“

Jake nodded immediately, not daring to disagree, “absolutely-“ he began but Naomi cut him off with a raised hand. “No” the woman turned to her husband, “we are not leaving him out here.”

“He can get an uber.”

“Yeah” Hangman interrupted cautiously, afraid to reignite Javy’s ire, “you should get checked, I’ll find my own way back.”

“I’m fine” the woman held up her hands where there were little scratches in her palms, “I broke my fall with my hands, see?” Besides the tiny breaks in the skin she looked okay physically, if not a little bit in shock over the events of the night. “They barely touched me Javy, it was just the shock of it all, that’s why I fell.”

Coyote shook his head, “I’m still taking you to the hospital-“

“Honey-“

“Non-negotiable” he pulled out his valet ticket, “can you walk?” he asked his wife, as he drapped his dress uniform jacket over her shoulders.

“Yes I can walk, and I can also drive” she yanked the ticket from his hands, “they didn’t even hit my stomach Javy, it’s okay” she looked at Jake, “if anyone needs to go to the hospital, it’s you Jake, you’re bleeding-“

Hangman shook his head, refusing to be anymore of a bother to the couple, “I’m fine really, don’t worry about me.”

“Come on” she urged, “you’re coming with us-“

“Naomi-“

“Javier” she snapped, meeting her husband’s angry eye, “I know you’re mad right now and I get it but we are not leaving your best friend, your brother, out here alone. Now go get our keys from the valet.” Coyote looked ready to challenge further but finally relented, taking the ticket back and heading inside.

Once alone Naomi took a step over to the blonde, touching motherly fingers to his swollen right eye with a hiss, “are you alright” she asked softly making the man feel worse that she still cared.

“I’m so sorry” he cried, Jake unable to stop the sobs from rolling out of him, “so, so sorry.”

“I know you are honey” the woman shared sadly, “and Javy knows too. He’s just scared, that’s all. Just give him some time to cool off okay?”

“I don’t deserve you guys, I ruin everything, I hurt everyone-“

“Shhhh” she soothed, moving her fingers to fix his mussed hair, “don’t say that-“

“But it’s true” he whimpered, overcome with the juxtaposition of his swirling emotions and the calming feel of her fingers, “How can you still help me? How can you still look at me?”

“Because you’re Javy’s brother okay? And brothers fight and they hurt each other but they always, always love each other.” She smiled sadly, “it’s going to be okay Jake, I promise.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“That’s okay” she whispered, slipping her hand carefully though his arm, mindful of his injuries, “I believe enough for all of us.”

The two started their walk to the front, arriving just in time for the valet to arrive with the car. Javy drove, painfully sober now after all the excitement and Jake headed to the backseat. Naomi tried to make conversation in the car but neither man engaged. Javy was still too angry, only opening his mouth to ask every few minutes if his wife was feeling alright as they made their way to the hospital. Each time the woman answered the same, explaining that everything was fine, it was all an accident, as she tried to meet Jake’s eye in the side mirror. Jake refused to look anywhere but at his window, his forehead resting against the cool glass as he looked without seeing at all the places they passed. His head was throbbing, his right eye now almost swollen shut and his ribs ached but nothing compared to the pain in his heart. Jake wondered if perhaps Maverick was right after all, maybe he was a liability, but not only to the Navy but to his friends. They didn’t deserve this, didn’t deserve to pay the price for his screw ups, to get hurt because of him. Maybe the bigger mercy, like Mav said, was Jake not being around.

As a tear rolled down his cheek, Jake closed his one working eye tightly, as he wished he could have gone back not even to the start of this day but before the mission. He wished he turned it down, wished he stayed with the Vigilantes and minded his own business, that he never met Pete Maverick Mitchell or ran back into Rooster. The tiniest part of his heart going even further, wishing, like Mav warned, that he had died young.

38 notes · View notes