#tim better not even Look at bear wrong

[introspectivememories]

#that's their emotional support bisexual son!!! #tim better not even Look at bear wrong #ik in my heart that pie immediately texted the marina gc after talking to tim #pie 🥧: just found out that tim had robin over for the night #louie: are you sure? #pie 🥧: absolutely. saw robin's costume and tim said he had friend over #sophie: we should kill tim #cam: i knew that boy was up to no good! #lauren: well pie did u ask tim if bear knows? #pie🥧: tim says there's nothing going on between him and robin #lauren: well i vote that we tell bear and then kill tim like sophie suggested #bernard dowd #tim drake #timbern #dc

[tinkerbelle05]

How would Battinson react to his kids, his babies, dating, and growing up?

The first was Dick. He saw the growing embers of something more than friendship between him and Wally. The longing stares when one thought no one was looking, the longer than necessary touching, the blushes. It seemed like everyone could see but those two, and it was cute.

It stopped being cute when Dick entered his office one afternoon. Bruce hadn’t known what personal space was since Dick got comfortable with him. Dick would frequently invade it by jumping on Bruce’s back for an impromptu piggyback ride, though those were things of the past the older and bigger Dick got, or just giving him a bear hug.

But this was different. The way he actually walked rather than ran, the way his demeanor was more closed off and hesitant rather than open and relaxed like it usually was.

He walked to meet Dick halfway, abandoning his work. He gently held his shoulders.

“What’s wrong, Chum?”

Dick took a deep breath, in and out. “I have a boyfriend! It's Wally.” He blurted out and looked at Bruce.

Bruce saw fleeting hope of acceptance, of love in Dick’s eyes. But he also saw uncertainty of rejection in them too.

“That’s great, chum. Who confessed first?” Bruce was happy for Dick, he deserved happiness, especially in their line of work. But a small part of him felt bitter about it.

Not Wally himself, he knew the kid for years and he was a good one. But of what he represented, his birds were growing up and leaving the nest. Leaving him. Now, Bruce was happy to see his children growing into themselves. However, he feels like he isn’t needed anymore.

Why would they need a protector, who isn’t even that good at it anyway, when they showed again and again that they can provide for themselves?

The announcement reminded him of Jaime and Jason, he liked him and Damian certainly did, but his kids’ were leaving. Like, today Jason and Damian canceled dinner to be with Jamie and his family for dinner.

But this wasn’t about how Bruce feels. So even if it was bittersweet he listened to Dick rave about Wally.

Giving Bruce so much detail, he wasn't sure if this even was the same person, but he guessed being childhood best friends are different from being boyfriend.

“Alfred, have you seen Tim? He is not in the Cave or his room.” They were working on a hard and gruesome case, and just when Tim was healing from that nasty cut he got last night. Bruce knows how Tim gets when they have cases like these. He would work from day to night until he gets an answer, and that is if he doesn't fall asleep first. Even if he was recovering, and that missing spleen of his didn’t make things better.

It was one of the many things he neglected to teach Tim when he was first Robin, to have a good work-life balance, not that Bruce could talk but still, too filled with grief to see. But he is making a change, and that is starting with getting Tim to bed.

“No, I haven't, Master Bruce,” the butler answers, “but I’ll be on the lookout for him.”

Bruce gave a nod and continued to search the Manor looking for his son. He’d done this before, hiding from Bruce, because he knew what will happen. It’s childish and oftentimes annoying but a tiny part likes taking care of Tim. Tucking him into bed, kissing him on the forehead, and closing the door slowly.

Eventually, he does find Tim, he’s in Bruce’s room. His black hair, which was in that middle stage of looking long while short, looked like a bird’s nest and his eyes were dazed like he had taken a nap. His disheveled sheets and blankets were evidence of that.

“Good afternoon, Timmy.” Bruce greets him with a small smile.

Tim blinked at him like an owl and he came to his senses slowly. He looked like a misbehaving child who got caught red-handed with contraband cookies.

“Shit!”

“Language” Bruce corrected automatically. Raising kids for years will do that to you, especially Jason and Duke.

“Sh– shot! Sorry B I'll go.”

Bruce leaped forward to stop Tim’s frantic movements. “Tim, you don't have to leave or anything. I'm fine with you staying in my bed. I was just looking for you all over to take a break. But I see you’re already doing that..”

Red paints over Tim’s ears and neck and attempts to look away from them. “Well duh, I'm not a kid anymore B.”

His last all-nighter was 2 days ago. Duke found him in the dining chair.

Tim looks him straight in the eyes, “I heard you talking to Alfred. I was worrying you with my bad self-care habits and I decided to grow up. Besides, I can't live how I used to, especially without my spleen.”

Now it was Bruce’s turn to look surprised. He thought he would never see the day. But why are tears threatening to spill out then? Why was there a hole forming in his heart then? He should be happy, his children are growing into fine young men and women. So why....?

“Woah, woah, Bruce!” Tim’s alert voice yelled for him, breaking Bruce from his thoughts to see that tears were actually forming.

“Oh, don't mind me,” he shrugged Tim off and blinked the tears away. “I have some work that needs to get done, so you go rest up.” Bruce pushed Tim into the bed and tucked him into the covers, kissing him on the forehead, and closing the door slowly. A routine he’s done multiple times with multiple children, and his mind wonders when they’ll ask him to stop doing that.

He ignored Tim’s shouts to come back and closed the door. He walks aimlessly through the quiet and empty manor. It’s been ages since the building was filled with sound and laughter, now it sits in silence. So quiet Bruce can hear his footsteps echoing throughout the halls when 2 months ago he couldn’t even hear what Duke was saying while Tim and Damien engaged in their weekly arguments about everything and anything.

Oh, Duke. Gotham’s daytime vigilante, one of her many victims. He came to Bruce unsure in everything he was doing but nowadays he’s grown sure in his actions. On the last patrol, Tim had gotten hurt badly and the only way out was for Duke to drive. He didn't need Bruce or Babara to guide him.

His kids were growing up, and soon, they wouldn't need him anymore.

#soft bruce wayne #battinson #duke thomas #dick grayson #wally west #birdflash #tim drake #bruce wayne #insecure bruce wayne #jason todd #jamie reyes #damian wayne #batfamily angst #batfam #batdad

[xoxo-ives]

the way you weigh your head on mine

empty apartments and quiet moments.

or, reader can't sleep when tim isn't home.

wc: 983

(title from 'heaven sent is a coffee cup' by bears in trees)

The apartment is quiet, and you hate it. It’s always quiet when Tim is gone, though. When he’s Red Robin, when he’s working, when he’s on dates. It’s the kind of quiet that sits uncomfortably in your throat, pressing into your lungs and almost choking you. You’d never say it out loud, and you aren’t sure you could even articulate it properly, but some part of your heart, a deep and secret part, aches when he is gone. You hadn’t noticed until he was gone more frequently, but you’d become so accustomed to having him around that his absence felt like a personal affront.

Right now, he’s patrolling the city. It’s late, two or three in the morning. You have class in the morning, and you know you should be asleep, but something about knowing Tim isn’t home yet keeps you awake. You aren’t worried, necessarily. You know he can take care of himself, and he isn’t alone out there. But knowing that he's out in the crisp autumn air, cheeks and nose and ears likely pink with the wind chill, keeps you waiting up for him.

You want to call him and ask when he’ll be home. Say you can’t sleep until he gets back, and you’re tired. You know he’d be disappointed in you for it, would tell you that you’re supposed to be asleep. That you have to be in class in only six hours. That you have better things to be doing than waiting for him to come home. But then he’d get home and see you, cozy and snug in your hoodie, face soft with tiredness, and he’d just smile at you.

You’re so tired you’re barely awake when you finally hear a window creak open, followed by the sound of boots hitting the floor. There are footsteps across the room, and then the door to Tim’s bedroom is open and he’s there in front of you. He looks tired, worn down by the endless weight of justice and duty on his shoulders. He’s got a split lip, and the beginnings of a bruise are forming on his left cheek. Despite it all, his face lights up when he sees you. There’s something so domestic, so warm about coming home to someone waiting up for him.

“Hey,” you say softly. “You’re home.”

“I am,” he replies, equally as soft. “You’re still awake.”

“Yeah. Probably should have gone to sleep a while ago, but I…can’t sleep when you’re not here. Feels wrong.” The words come easily, coaxed out of you in a way only sleep deprivation can achieve. You wouldn’t normally say that, and you’ve somehow avoided saying it in the several months you’ve been living with him so far.

“What?” he asks, frowning. “What does that even mean?”

“It’s too quiet when you’re out. The apartment feels too…empty. I don’t like it. It makes me uneasy, and I can’t sleep.” You shake your head. “Maybe it’s dumb, I don’t know.”

“It doesn’t sound dumb to me. It sounds nice. Sounds like you want me around, you know?”

“Of course I want you around. You’re my best friend, idiot,” you mumble fondly. “C’mere.”

You reach out your hands, beckoning him to get closer. When he does, you put your left hand on his jaw, tilting his head slightly as the fingers of your right hand ghost over his cheek. He’s watching you watch him, and his eyes are somewhere between exhausted and fond.

“You got a bruise here,” you observe, and he hums out a noise of vague acknowledgement. “What happened?”

“Just some mugger,” he mumbles. “Caught me off guard.”

“Caught you off guard? You losing your touch, boy wonder?” He rolls his eyes at your teasing, pushing your shoulder lightly.

“I was just distracted,” he says dismissively. You know better than to ask when he uses that tone of voice. The one that leaves no room for curiosity or concern. The one that almost forces you to drop whatever question or quip you have building at the back of your throat. The one that makes your head spin, though you’d never tell him that.

“Distracted? By what?” you ask (against your better judgment).

“Doesn’t matter.” He’s just this side of annoyed, and he’s clearly had a long night, and you really should drop it.

“Clearly it does, if you were so off your game you got punched that hard.” You don’t.

“Just leave it, okay?” he snaps. “I was thinking about something else, and I wasn’t paying attention. It. Doesn’t. Matter.”

“Fine, keep your secrets,” you mutter. “You really should clean that lip, too. Don’t want it to get infected.”

“Whatever,” he says, rolling his eyes. “You don’t need to mother me.” You bite your tongue, wanting to yell at him. Wanting to scream that you’re not trying to mother him, that you just want to make sure he comes home safe to you every night. That you want to know that he’s alright. That you want to know that someone’s taking care of him, because most of the time, it sure as hell isn’t him that’ll do it. But you don’t yell. You just nod.

“Okay. Sorry,” you whisper. “Do you want tea or anything?” He sighs heavily.

“Tea sounds nice, actually. Chamomile, please.” You move to the kitchen, putting the kettle on to boil and setting two mugs out. You drop two tea bags into them and perch yourself on the counter, scrolling through your phone absentmindedly. You barely notice when Tim comes into the kitchen, squeezing his way in between your knees and wrapping his arms around your torso. His head rests just under your chin, and you twist little sections of his hair around your fingers. When the water boils, he pours it and immediately returns to leaning against you.

“You alright?” you ask softly. “Long night?”

“Yeah,” he says. “You have no idea.”

#tim drake x reader #tim drake #red robin x reader #fluff #domestic fluff #fem reader #female reader #roommates au

[theflyindutchwoman]

You owe it to yourself to go. I know, but -- What happened to him isn't your fault. We were about to -- But we didn't. We didn't.

| ANATOMY OF A SCENE - CHENFORD EDITION 5.02 - Labor Day

This scene… This feels so much like a breakup even though they weren't together to begin with… It's the angst, the heartbreak… With Tim thinking only of Lucy and what's best for her while she assumes that he's getting rid of her… With her believing he wants space from her when she arguably needs him the most to be her anchor… It's the vulnerability these two display… This scene also mirrors two previous key moments - only in reverse… The beginning, with Lucy and Chris in her apartment, stands in complete contrast with that moment with Tim, where the atmosphere was intimate. There's no candle, no real romantic undertones this time around… Instead it's very subdued, so far from the playfulness of that initial scene. But most importantly, this parallels the moment that led to this heart-wrenching scene, when Tim and Lucy got back from Vegas… Still in complete reverse, as if to illustrate how they took one step forward, two steps back.

It starts right when Lucy opens the door for Tim… Again. With Chris on the couch. Again - though in better shape. Even the music stops in that instant. Their nervousness is still there, but now it's to underline how uncomfortable Lucy gets when seeing the two men interact… The longing is still present as well, when Chris admits that she is taking good care of him… Tim knows this all too well. He remembers how she sent him meals after the quarantine house and he was just her TO. And a threshold is still crossed : only, this time, he doesn't come in, she's the one joining him in the hallway... Away from her personal space. First step back.

The fact that Chris knew that only Tim would be able to convince her to go to UC school is telling… And he's not wrong, especially in this case. But not for the reason he thinks. Tim knows exactly what is keeping Lucy from going : she's punishing herself. She's feeling responsible for what happened to Chris, for him being targeted by Rosalind because of his relationship with her… and for what almost happened with Tim. If there's anyone who understands what it's like to carry such a burden, it's him. In her mind, she needs to make some penance, to atone for her 'sin'… She needed Nyla and Chris to agree with her when she asked for their opinion, their confirmation. But they couldn't give her what she was looking for. And this is such a beautiful and poignant, if not heartbreaking, parallel to their conversation in the shop in Control, when Tim was drowning in guilt as well, for pushing her towards Caleb. Back then, Lucy was trying to make him understand that he wasn't at fault for that psycho's action, that it wasn't his advice to blow off some steam, to go and have a drink with someone that caused her kidnapping. And now, it's Tim's turn, to try to make her accept that she isn't at fault either, that their almost hookup didn't have any bearing on what happened to Chris. Even if she hadn't invited him in, it wouldn't have changed the outcome. The way these two take turn reassuring the other, insisting that they were in no way responsible for these traumatic moments, knowing full well how the other value their opinions… It's just so special and pure.

Even his little encouragement - 'You owe it to yourself to go' - is about her not punishing herself. He wants the best for her, to see her thrive : he knows how hard she's worked for this… He's simply trying to protect her from herself. And again, after Revelations, he's aware of how important his support is to her, even without the current circumstances… There's also the fact that Tim would probably hate having a hand, no matter how indirect, in her squandering away this amazing opportunity… At least, not for this reason… Not because she believes she deserves missing it out. And it's clear that this is what she's doing here, with how she tries to acknowledge what they almost did… What they wanted to do… It feels like a colossal moment for her, after she previously reduced everything to 'basic biology'. Tim might interrupt her, emphasising how they didn't sleep together, but it doesn't entirety feel like a denial either. Or a cop-out (even though it was still emotional cheating). This feels more like a way for him to reassure her again, to make sure she doesn't keep drowning. Unfortunately, Lucy is too wrapped-up in guilt to really understand his intentions. It's too fresh. So instead, she jumps to the wrong conclusion, convincing herself that he's trying to get rid of her. That he wants some space from her… Her frown is in complete contrast to his incredulous laugh, because it couldn't be further from the truth. It's also interesting how she mentions their working relationship, as a guise to what she really means. She will admit later how scared she is to ruin their relationship and it's quite palpable here : she's projecting a bit, and since she is stuck in that punitive mindset, she immediately assumes that she has already ruined their relationship.

Tim's denial can't convince her. She's spiralling, looking all sceptical… And to be fair, the tone, the whole atmosphere feel so much like a goodbye… A breakup… Especially when he tells her that it's time for her to move on. He clearly means it professionally, but there's such a double meaning behind those words. The crack in his voice, the tears in his eyes don't help either… Lucy is nodding along, trying to contain her emotions. But her 'Mm-hmm' is borderline angry and hurt… She doesn't believe his words. She's barely holding back her tears, looking downwards. He's just as wrecked, trying to smile but unconvincingly. They're both so incredibly vulnerable here. There's something in his body language that is so reminiscent of his goodbye to Isabel. But unlike then, he does look back before going on his way : their story isn't nearly finished yet. This is just the end of an era. Lucy looks so sad, hurt and heartbroken… All alone in the hallway. The complete opposite from the last time they were together in that very same hallway… Second step back...

#the rookie #chenford #chenfordedit #lucy chen #tim bradford #5.02 #2.17 #1.12 #Anatomy of a scene - Chenford Edition

[scintillyyy]

now i can't stop thinking about how, in fact, bruce actually being dead is my worst possible timeline.

because while i like the idea that tim calls dick and dick gets him help and everyone ends up better for it

i truthfully think this would happen:

tim is traveling the world, searching for a sign, for anything that might indicate bruce is alive. nothing is panning out. he's becoming increasingly desperate. he needs to be right about this. he can't be wrong about this. he don't know what he has if he is. he should have listened to dick, but to admit that dick was right and bruce is dead is something he can't even begin to handle. he's a failure. he failed his dad, he failed steph, he failed bart, he failed kon, he failed bruce and he cannot fail at this because he will be failing dick, alfred, himself, everyone. he can't fail anymore. it will destroy him more than he's already been destroyed. when ra's al ghul offers to give him resources to help, he agrees.

(ra's doesn't think bruce is alive, but he does see a chink in the armor, wants to try and sway tim to his cause in his grief)

so tim goes traveling with pru and z and owens. still nothing is continuing to pan out. dick was right. dick was right. i should call dick and ask for help. but there's always another lead, another possibility, another goose chase, and all he needs is one thing, anything to show him he was right, that he's not crazy, that this whole thing hasn't been a complete waste of time. he can't bear it. he desperately wants to tell dick he's sorry that he wants to come home, but he can't come home a failure. he wouldn't be able to face dick. he can't go back and have to listen to damian's taunts and insults and crowing about how he was wrong (not that he would? but this is what tim would think he would). this next one will have it, his proof, he needs it to. it's a cave in iraq. there's nothing there. the widower attacks. z and owens are killed, pru and tim are mortally wounded.

and pick your poison here. either tim gets motivated to make it back to the hotel room because he can't die, it would kill dick. his brother will make this better. he makes it to the hotel room. finds tam, dies in front of her because ra's is tired of this, he thought he might get something out of working with tim, but he's getting nothing. tim is just grief-stricken and no longer worth the effort or resources. he doesn't send anyone in to save them. tim dies from his injuries. OR. after failing yet again, tim doesn't have it in him to try and save himself. he lets himself bleed out in the cave, his last thought being that he hopes dick will be able to get over this, he's so sorry. the league finds the dead bodies in that cave.

and dick finds out, somehow, that tim has died on his quest (by ra's or tam) and he is. just. destroyed. this is his fault. he did this. he failed tim and tim is dead. you'll be okay, he said, and tim is dead. damian needs me, (so did tim, but dick had to prioritize in the wake of absolute awfulness) and now tim is dead. (this affects his burgeoning relationship with damian somehow too, because looking at him will always remind dick of how he failed tim to help damian). tim is dick's ultimate failure. dick as batman got tim killed. dick did this. he blames himself, he should have done more, done better. he puts up a memorial case for tim, a constant reminder of what he's done and what he's failed to do. tim is dick's jason, the grief he will never fully get over. dick will never be fully confident as batman. how can he be?

anyways in my head, it's terrible and everyone suffers <3

#tim drake #dick grayson #batman #dc

[mrsarnasdelicious]

EAC 3 - November 3 - 5

What a weekend y'all....

What a travel, firstly. I took the eurostar from Schiphol or Charles de Gaule. I had orginially planned to meet up with @sihtricfedaraaahvicius, but it was soo busy we could not move from our assigned seats. We met once we left the train and crossed the airport in search of a bus that would bring us to the hotel, which we did not find. So instead she ordered us an uber-ish ride, which also was half an adventure.

But we got to the hotel in the end and we had a full welcome commity waiting for us. It was so good reuniting with all the people I met in the Nowalls discord and grew close with after Dortmund. It was like coming home to so many loved ones. I also met a great many new friends and took many of them into my heart.

I received a few wonderful gifts from my friends.

After settling into the hotel, we went to the mall with a group, which was rather chaotic. We had lunch there and I found a Thestral figurine.

Once back from the mall we hung out at the hotel for a while and I changed into my 'party' clothes; white jeans, white tank, hard rock london shirt and black thin cardigan. I looked good, NGL.

While waiting in line for the cocktail party, I met Lucile, who is now my bestie. We supported each other through our nerves and when I felt a litlte faint. This was mostly because I hadn't eaten or drank enough. After two glasses of cola, I was most certainly feeling more perky.

[Photo credit by Lucile]

First at our table [us being Rike, Gemma, Lucile and I and later Carlotta also] was Jacob. Young man was carrying a cup of tea, going 'how British am I, I brought tea to a champain party.' which was too cute. I tried to guess it was fennel tea, to which he said he wished it was fennel, but it was mint. I told him my late granddad was also named Jacob and showed off my newest tattoo. Jacob liked the tat a lot.

Second was Tim and I am still not used to that thin ear ring. It suits him, but somehow still surprises me when I see it, every time. He asked us about halloween and I want to ask him about Fallen, but the convo did not go that way.

I am not sure of the order after this, so bear with me as I sort of wing it.

Stefanie was 'omg you have Eadith hair' right away and I was very awkward about taking the compliment on my hair, even though I am quite confident about my hair.

Eliza started about halloween, but it meandered and she ended up spotting my tattoos. My hands were admired and she was like 'Arnas is gona scream the moment he sees these' and she was not wrong...

James decided he wanted to ask us a question and he asked us what film had most influence on our lives. I of course said Harry Potter. The Wizarding world has absolutely been formative for my passion for stories in all forms. James defo loved that answer.

Christian talked mainly with my friends, demonstrating his talent for languages. I couldn't help getting lost in those beautiful blue eyes, though.

I don't remember what Ossian talked about, I just remember that he came in for a hug right away.

Harry talked about his appearance on Nowalls' first live show, which was a good little laugh. He also remarked on how the cocktail party felt much more posh than it actually was.

Mark greeted me with 'your hair has grown' which made me feel some type of way. I mean, this man remembers enough of me to recall an approximation of my hair length. We then talked about his moustache and how most of us really disliked it.

Last to our table was Arnas and he came in loud. I scolded him for it and he went on a whole spiel about how he still had all the gifts I had given him and how he kept it all on his nighstand and that I was too hard on him. He took a good look at my tats and said mine looked so much better than his on the show, which is of course absolute nonsense, but I appreciate the effort. He comlained about missing the eurostar, because he missed the boarding time. I asked himif he had checked his ticked for the boarding time, which of course he said he hadn't, like a true ADHD man. When he made to leave, I pulled out my rings to put them back on and this absolute man holds out his hands (only later I realised the missed opportunity for me to put a ring on this guy and forever joke about him being my fiance). I go 'Excuse!?!' and he sasses me back with 'wat wil je?'

There was a group photo after that and we were ushered out to await the werewolf games.

Werewolves was an invaritable mess.

I was in a village with Mark, James, Jacob and a reasonable measure of my friends. Barely anyone had ever played the game and the GM was very basic in the story telling.

I had quite a good back and forth with James before the game got started and he was pretty down for having me GM, but I knew that would not be in the cards. No, in the cards for me was the Witch.

We first got a round of introducing our 'characters' and then it was right off to the first night. Cupid matched my friend Angela with Mark, completely at random, but Angela suspected it was me. The werewolves were allowed a victim right after, which happened to be me. I resurrected myself with my potion and the day started. Mark had the bright idea of all putting their hand down and raise your hand if you are a villager. My autism needs computing time, so I was of course the last to raise my hand and I was once more set to die.

I got to spectate the rest of the game. It was quite a mess and Mark ended up either fogetting he was matched with Angela, or going into his role too deep, because he decided to off her and then he had to go too, because the lovers cannot continue the game if one of them dies. Mark and James were the werewolves and James ended up surviving the whole game on his own and thus winning.

We had some time after that and ended up playing word chain for a good while, until we took another group photo and I rough housed with Angela and Jacob a little bit.

After the games there was a viewing of SKMD, but I was very tired, so Mary and I headed to her friend's flat. The friend was not home that night, so we could get some fangirling in before sleep.

We got up early in the morning, because I had to be in time for the selfie lounge.

I had the selfie lounge with everyone's favourite Sihtric-fic writer. So we waited together and once admitted sat on the last chairs of the first line of chairs. It looked like an AA meeting at first, but once the guests came in, it was more like a fashion runway. Especially Arnas enjoyed showing off.

@sihtricfedaraaahvicius and I stuck together and we even got a selfie with the both of us and Eliza and with James, which was very sweet.

I noticed that most of the guests had to be sort of directed towards us, because we sort of stayed on one side of the room. I am not the person to just accost the guests for a picture.

We got pics with all the guests, but I did not get to the plans I had. No due selfie with Arnas and no Sihtric + Sigtryggr for my friend. I'm sorry bestie. We also both got an Eys hug, which was adorable.

Arnas was the before last to come to us. He had a good back and forth with my friend, but to me he said 'our lives are so intertwined now' and that is genuinly all I recall he said to be in the Selfie Lounge. The sentence most certainly had a running up, but I can't recall it.

My friend said, once we left the Lounge that Arnas enjoys getting a rise out of me. Gee thanks, Guy...

After the opening ceremony, I lined up for the photo op with James.

I left it up to James to make up a pose and he decided he wanted to pretend to take a pic of me, which turned out cute as much as imaginative. Another friend says it looks like he is using the force on me instead, which is also a fun interperation.

I felt very at ease around James, not at all nervous. He is so sweet and kind.

Secondly I had the photo op with Stefanie. We did s simple, sweet hug and I quite like the pic. Stefanie is so wonderful and sweet and I can't wait to see her again. Hopefully next year!

And then I had Arnas' Photo OP...

I still had some nerves about him, so I came up to him a bit tense. 'Oh we're going for nervous, are we' he told me and I just could not let him tease me, so I tried to pull him over.

And he went with it, giving me some pressure in return even.

And then came my moment, the individual meeting with Arnas.

Good gods, this man. He asked about my daughter and what her thing was now. We had a small confusion about miffy/nijntje until I indicated the bracelet I had given him in Dortmund, that is when the dime dropped. It really warmed my heart when he asked about her.

I gave him his giftbag and we just spent the five minutes calmly going through it, along with some small talk. He loved the Jellycat plush, proclaiming he'd take it everywhere and wanted some weed to go with the donuts I brought him. So next year we are bring him edibles.

He was also ravingly enthusiastic about the scribble-drawing Fayen made him and even took a selfie with it. I have yet to recieve it though, hoping he did not forget, Don Chaot!

Then it was time for me to get some autographs and first was Stefanie. She is just such a lovely person to talk to. She gave me a sweet hug and even asked me to sign the rose photo and Nowallsona pics I brought her. I hope she'll return next year because I soooo wana talk to her and hug her again. (Woman Crush Wednesday fo sho!)

I went to Eliza next and that woman is an absolute queen. She said that I attract people to me with my sweet and warm personality and that meant so much to me. She also gave me the sweetest hug and I swear I fell in love a teensy tiny bit with the woman, because Gods she is just everyone's hype woman and I feel that on a spiritual level!

Then I went to James and he sort of got me stumped, and I don't know how, guess I was hit with his awesomeness all of a sudden.

I got a big hug and he wanted me to sign my rose photo for him and he was just so sweet and there were too many things I had wanted to ask him, but I forgot all of them, because he is just too sweet and kind.

Next I went to Timothy, who looked like he was about done with his day. I asked him if he was okay and he admitted to having had a coughing fit a few minutes before. We talked a tiny bit and he gave me a sweet hug.

I saved Arnas for last that day and my Gods was I not disappointed by what he gave me. I told him he would hate me for what I was going to ask of him, but he was such a good sport about it, telling me knew what this is for. He did his very best and I am actually so enamoured with his handwriting. I adore it.

He gave me a big hug as well and that was a good end of the day.

The next day I had the Marnas shoot I had purchased the day before, first.

I told Mark they had artisic liberty/liscene and they set to work right away. Mark grabbed my pendant, yelling that I was not a real Dane and Arnas jumped right in, knowing that I am indeed a mostly Norse leaning Pagan. That was a lovely little nod to what I had told him in Dortmund, which warmed my heart as well.

Swiftly afterwards I had my OP with Mark and I asked him for a big squeeze. And let me tell you, this man has made up for his loosey goosey hug from Dortmund ten times over. What a squeeze, I adored it!

The photographer had to tell me to lower my shoulder for some reason, but hey, the photo is defo one of my best so far. I am not at all nervous around Mark anymore, after having scolded him, haha.

I had myself a double with Arnas, because I could not choose if I wanted something sweet or something bookspo, so I got myself an extra OP.

First was the sweet one and Arnas offered me his arm and I swear I did not mean to look like I was ready to take my mans home, but here we are.

The bookspo one is the one that really got to me, though.

I asked Arnas to pretend to be angry with me, explaining it was for the book I was writing. And by the Gods did he deliver, shouting 'not this again Tessa, I told you not to do this' or something much like it, grabbing my hand firmly and making an angy Sihtric face. In the moment it was exactly what I needed from him.

Once the photo was shot, he petered off to the side and I was so in my feels that I backhugged him, which made him chuckle and nudge me to go in a gentle way.

After lunch it was time for my Marnas polaroid, my favourite moment of the entire weekend.

I was the first to show up, so I got to be the first in line, before anyone with prio. Sometimes it pays off to be anxious early. I got to see James get his stuff ready and watch Mark and Arnas get themselves amped up. I think they spotted me, because they started to overshout each other.

Mark won.

I sat down between them and Mark asked if I had something in mind, which I obvi did not. So Mark goes 'I am going to look at you very affectionately.' He's set the edge. And Arnas walses his arse right over it with 'I just realised I am madly in love with you.'. HAHAHAHAHAHIMNOTOKAY.

James had left the safety on his camera and it took him like four tries to realise this, but I was happy enough to sit between these two warm men, looking at me like I was the best thing since sliced bread.

Afterwards I got sent two pictures by about all my friends on several insta pages with two different angles from my polaroid. My favourite is on top of the post and the second one is below.

There after I went to Jacob for a signature and got a sweet hug from him as well. I told him I'd whisk him away and adopt him. He said he would not be able to breathe in my luggage though. We had a little laugh together and he was very happy with his gifts.

Ossian was next. Got my hug in, told him I wanted to adopt him and he wrote a very sweet message in my booklet.

He is so adorable.

Later when I was in line for Harry, he came over to Nat for a goodbye hug, which warmed my heart so so so much!

Then I went to Eysteinn, telling his I smelled something about free hugs.

Eysteinn was very gentle and kind and gave me another loosey goosey hug. But I also got the feeling he wasn't fully at ease. I am not sure if that was me or the entire situation.

Next up I went to Christian.

He is such a darling. He loved his afirmation card and we had a lil back and forth about creating your own joy and that he doesn't really agree with carpe diem and is more a crea diem kind of guy.

He gave me a sweet hug and wasn't really good at me telling him he has stunning blue eyes, he made a joke about blaming his parents for it.

Thereafter I lined for up Harry.

I was a few paces behind @charming-merlin who made Harry's fanbook. It was such a well made all round piece of art and I adored Harry's reaction to it, he was so so so happy and so impressed and I have hardly ever seen a man filled with so much awe and delight. All kudo's to her.

Harry tore into my bag of gifts right away, too and I got a big hug as well. He is such a joy to talk to and his hug was real tight.

And off I rushed to Mark.

Mark was already standing on 'my side' of the table, which was great for handing him his gift bag. He loved the Nowalls shirt and the pepernoten.

I got two hugs from Mark. One was for practise and one was for real. He was such a good sport about it and we had a brief little chat. He is genuinly a delight to be around and I just want this man to be my friend!

And last, but not least, of course I had to go to Arnas one more time.

Or ... two times, because I forgot my selfie so I had to line up again like a dumbass, but Arnas was very sweet about it.

I told him a little bit about the inspiration for my book and asked him to write something motivational for when I have writers block. He listened closely, which sort of messed up his writing, but I love it all the more because of that.

I got in a few more hugs and the selfie turned great!

I had an amazing weekend, making new friends and meeting so many lovely people. I laughed and loved so much and I fell in love a little deeper.

Thank you, friends and fabulous people for Paris!

#eac3 #the last kingdom #everlasting adventure 3 #nevastalgia #arnas fedaravicius #mark rowley #james northcote #stefanie martini #eliza butterworth #jacob dudman #Ossian Perret #timothy innes #christian hillborg #harry mcentire #eysteinn sigurðarson

[alittlebitofloveliness]

(Kinda Angsty) Angela Shepard Headcanons

**Some of these have been lifted directly from my Angela Shepard fics on ao3**

-Shares a room with Curly and can’t fall asleep until he does, because the steady rhythm of his breaths as he sleeps has always been the most constant thing in her life

-That said, Curly also talks in his sleep and its always the most random/concerning shit and she finds it hilarious

-Has had HORRENDOUS nightmares and night terrors since she was a baby

-She used to go to Tim whenever she had a nightmare but on nights when Tim wasn’t willing to deal with her, she’d wake up Curly and they’d stay up talking for the rest of the night

-Whenever Curly gets sent to the reformatory she makes bad decisions. She shacks up with the wrong guy, intentionally gets into fights with their mother or tries to aggravate Tim and Sylvia, because Curly is her other half and without him around she’s ANGRY and HURTING and the only way she knows how to deal with that is to get hurt herself, because physical pain has always been easier for her to deal with than emotional pain

-Angela’s actions when Curly is incarcerated are part of the reason why Tim tries to keep Curly out of the reformatory as much as possible, because when the twins are separated for any stretch of time they’re straight up DEMONIC until they’re reunited and Tim does not have the patience nor the capacity to deal with their shenanigans when they’re both at their worst- and if HE can’t handle them, the rest of Tulsa certainly can’t

-Whenever Curly gets back from the reformatory the first thing Angela says is usually an insult or some sort of gripe about having to share their room again, then she grabs him in a hug tight enough to bruise. (Its the only time they ever hug each other, but Curly doesn’t shove her off because he’s been just as mental without her around)

-Both her and Curly stay sane (as sane as Shepard’s can be at least) whenever Tim gets locked up, but they’re both a little more on edge because Tim’s the only person who ever looked after them, and even though they don’t NEED to be looked after anymore it’s uncomfortable knowing the one proper adult who cares about them isn’t around. Angela still deals better than Curly, because Curly’s abandonment issues were worsened when their dad left 

-Sylvia is Tim’s best friend and the toughest girl on the east side. She took Angela under her wing and taught her how to survive as a girl on the rough side of Tulsa and she’s a big reason why Angela is as street smart as she is

-Is very small for her age, and uses it to her advantage. She’s avoided getting in trouble and being arrested multiple times because with her tiny frame and big blue eyes she’s really good at feigning innocence. The sweet little girl act doesn’t work on ANYONE who has met her more than once or who knows anything about what the surname ‘Shepard’ means on the east side

-Has (allegedly) stabbed three different men for making unwanted passes at her

-Started smoking when she was nine

-She and Curly used to fry ants on the sidewalk using pieces of broken bottles because they didn’t have a magnifying glass but wanted to see if it would work (it did)

-Shoplifts gummy bears at least once a day. Her sweet tooth is insatiable

-Worries about Curly because he’s softer than her no matter how well he hides it, which means its easier for him to get hurt 

-Is really good at math and physics but has no patience for any class that involves a lot of writing

-Has physically fought a lot of girls who pissed her off and never lost once

-Hides when she’s sick as long as humanly possible which often leads to her fainting at the most inopportune times. Multiple times Curly has had to carry her home and Tim gets pissed off every time. Curly and Tim only ever seem to agree when it comes to keeping her in bed until her fever is less than 104 degrees Jesus CHRIST Angel

-Got pregnant when she was fourteen and went to Sylvia to help her get rid of it. She never told her brothers about it and no one ever found out, although Curly could tell she was really upset about something for a while

-Hates her mother totally and completely. Curly’s biggest issues lie with their father, and Tim stopped caring about either of their parents years ago, but Angela has always and will forever resent her mother for being absent even while living in the same house

#the outsiders #angela shepard #curly shepard #tim shepard #sylvia the outsiders #ponyboy curtis #darry curtis #sodapop curtis #johnny cade #headcanon #two bit mathews #steve randle #I love her sm #Angela Shepard stan for life

[sardonic-sprite]

Part 2 of Dad!Tim AU (so Q doesn't murder me in my sleep /aff) tw: referenced rape, referenced attempted/intended murder

(Part 1)

As we hit the ninth month, everyone is tense and on tenterhooks, but Tim is by far the worst. He can't sleep for more than an hour without jerking awake from a nightmare: the faceless child growing up, hands around a sword, smirking on Ra's's right hand, maybe coming to Gotham, but to hurt Tim's family, not join them... other times it's the child dying in infancy or even birth, and Tim doesn't know if that part is worse, the grief, or the next part, the fear, as Ra's's sister advances on him to try again

Nine months to the day since Paris and Tim is a wreck and the whole family is buzzing out of their skin, ready to ACT, but its not until 2 weeks later that they finally get Talia's call.

And in the background, there's a baby crying

Everyone is all wtf talia we said we were gonna WAIT and she grimly tells them there would be no waiting, she needs them to come pick up the baby now. Because the baby is a girl. Because Ra's will only accept a MALE heir, and he's not going to bother raising a child he has no use for. Because Ra's's sister is furious with the disgrace of bearing the wrong sort of baby and wants nothing to do with something that was supposed to be her greatest honor. Talia can only be gone so long before they will realize she has not in fact buried the infant in the snow, so they need to come NOW

Everyone bursts into frantic motion, freaking out, livid, terrified. Its all way too much, and Tim just sits and stares blankly, because he thought he'd have just a little more time. Dick sees this, and gently asks if Tim wants to stay back, and if he wants someone to stay with him. He does. So the others go, and Dick sits and holds Tim's hand as Tim tries to process. And he realizes that if not for Talia, all of his pain, all of his terror, all the violation would be for absolutely nothing.

And then he realizes that makes him MAD.

How dare they? He thinks. How DARE ra's and his sister throw the child away just because Tim gave her the "wrong" chromosome? HOW FUCKING DARE they treat a human child like a goddamn happy meal toy, like it -- she -- is disposable because she isn't what they wanted?

He gets up ("Tim?" Dick asks softly) and goes to find Alfred. The room right across from his, Alf, the one that has a view of the gardens, thats the nursery. Tim may still not be READY for this but he'll be damned if he can't do better than fucking RA'S.

So he and Dick and Alfred spend the tense, anxious hours moving and arranging baby stuff in the room, while Barbara folds all the onesies and diapers into the drawer and calls leslie about formula bc they don't know any nursing mothers

They get the call that the family arrived, they have the baby, they're on their way home, and Talia will keep up the pretense as long as she can so they can get back to Gotham. Baby's sleeping now, they say, and swear she looks just like Tim.

"You've got a regular little Snow White on your hands," Jason laughs, and no one on the plane is ever allowed to tell Tim how close Jason came to stealing his child (HER CHUBBY LITTLE CHEEKS STEPH JUST LOOK i see them jay.) "Black hair, pale skin (you're still paler), red lips, well, whole red face when she really wants to wail."

Tim doesn't know what to make of that yet, but at least maybe it seems like he'll be able to look at the child without constantly seeing her mother. (Not that she deserves that title).

They can't paint the nursery tonight and have it be dry, but they're going to paint it, Tim decides. Something colorful and happy, not like the soulless beige he grew up with. Nothing like his soulless childhood.

The family arrives. They arrive and Tim and Alfred and Barbara and Dick go down to meet them, Tim clutching Dicks hand. The door of the plane opens and they file out, and its Cass, a complicated mess of emotions on her face, who holds out the tiny, TINY little swaddle

Tim's hands are shaking as he reaches out, but no one says so. Dick just carefully supports Tim's arms to make sure he's steady

Jason was right, he thinks. She is a little Snow White. Her skin's a little darker than his, but still paler than he'd have thought. She's got black hair, but that was a guarantee. She's got a little red mouth that yawns into a perfect O and blinks open blue eyes, but he doesn't know if they'll stay that color.

Its hard to believe he's a FATHER. He has a DAUGHTER. He's still only 17.

That's when Baby begins to cry, and Tim panics, and the others have to calm him down and promise its not his fault, she's only hungry, and they go upstairs to get a bottle. Then they all troop to the nursery, where Alfred and Bruce have to help Tim settle in Martha's old rocking chair, and show him how to hold the Baby in one arm and the bottle in the other hand, and help her eat.

Slowly the others trickle away, to sleep, to give him privacy, because jts all so surreal, and there may or may not be tears on Tim's face. Finally its just Bruce and Alfred, and they help Tim put Baby in the cradle thats been in the Wayne family for nine generations. Then they go, and Tim's still sitting on the rocking chair, staring, like this fever dream is going to disappear, and there won't be baby or nursery or this awful terrifying weight in his chest, and he's not sure if he would really want that or not

He hears a soft sound by the door and springs up, grabbing for a weapon he doesn't have, but its only Damian, looking as lost and unsure as Tim.

"I thought you went to bed"

"I could not sleep."

Tim can't really argue with that

Damian edges closer, looking at Baby's face like he's searching for something there.

"Have you named her?"

"No," Tim scoffs, because he didn't fucking want her, he thought she'd come with a name, just barely laid eyes on her or held her. Then he feels shame because what kind of father doesn't want to name his own child? His voice softens as he explains, "i have no idea where to start"

"At the end then," Damian suggests, just as soft. "With Wayne." And it might just be the kindest thing the kid has ever said to Tim.

"Ok," he says. "And in the middle?" It feels like a cop-out, asking Damian of all people to name TIM's child. But Tim can't... there's no logical process to follow here, naming is an emotional experience, it forges a CONNECTION and Tim just... all that furious resolve is much harder to draw from when he's confronting the reality it entails

Damian purses his lips, hesitating. Finally, he says, "There's Bahar. It... it means 'brilliant.'"

And at first, Tim balks, because no, that's what RA'S wanted from the child, Tim's brilliance, and what the FUCK, Damian-- and then he realizes. That... this might be, no it probably is, Damian saying "fuck ra's. The baby girl will be brilliant, and you're brilliant too."

He finds himself smiling, just a little, and repeats, "Bahar. I... I like it."

Damian smiles just a faint bit too, then.

"What... what about the beginning?" Tim tries, but Damian shakes his head and tells him that's for Tim to decide. He turns to go. Then Tim calls him back.

Slowly, hesitantly, Tim asks, "What's the word for 'snow?'"

Perfect little snow white... bury the kid in the snow... fuck ra's...

"... 'eira.'"

Damian leaves, and Tim looks down at the tiny little baby.

"Eira," he tries. "Eira. Eira Bahar Wayne."

It almost looks like Eira smiles.

Part 3

#sprite wrote #tim drake #dad!tim au #mostly angst #but if got fluffier #and the fluff will only grow #damian wayne #is a good bean #content warnings at top

[muuuumin]

I don't know why I woke up with angst in my mind, maybe it's the bad weather? But here's just some thoughts on angst for Jaytim

I've read a few scenarios where Jason is afraid that he'll hurt Tim again, leave him a bloody mess but worse. It doesn't matter that he's gotten a better hold on the Lazarus pit rage, the scars that will never fade from Tim's body is a reminder that it will never truly be gone.

Maybe one time Jason's lazarus pit bubbles inside and its a terrible mix with whatever toxin Scarecrow has injected into him- he's fighting terrors and its too late by the time his fist connects with Tim's cheek. Thank god it wasn't his full raw strength, he'll be forever grateful that Nightwing was attempting to hold his arms back from behind. But it still leaves a nasty bruise on his babybird's face and when he comes around from the antidote, he can't bear to look at Tim who is by his side. Jason hates how Tim is only worried for him when he's the one with a bruised face, hates that his wonderful boyfriend has tried to cover the worst of the bruise with makeup and gives him a reassuring smile. Jason absolutely hates the fact that Tim forgives him before he even says he's sorry.

Jason has never felt any shittier.

"I hurt you."

"We always get hurt on the job." Tim gives him a small smile and reaches forward to hold his hand, but Jason pulls away. Tim's eyebrows furrow as he frowns a little.

"Yeah but I was the one who hurt you."

Tim sighs and shakes his head, "Jason, the toxin was influencing you heavily. I don't blame you at all."

"It wasn't just the toxin, Tim. It mixed with the Laz.. the Lazarus pit inside me. It means its still very much there and we won't know what will happen the next time something goes wrong."

Tim seemed to be staring hard at Jason's face, not liking how his boyfriend was avoiding his eyes. His mind calculating his next words carefully with a small swallow.

"You've come a long way Jason, the toxin would have caused you to become aggressive with or without the lazarus pit so-"

"I think we should take a break."

Jason interrupts Tim, teal eyes returning to him.

Jason and Tim both know there isn't a simple 'break' for them. It's either a harsh clean or they stick it through, anything else was too complicated.

"You don't want that." Tim says firmly and crosses his arms over his chest.

"I don't want to hurt you again."

Tim flushes angrily, "and this isn't hurting me? Because it makes me so happy to hear those words come from you?"

Jason flinches and wishes that they weren't at the batcave.

"Tim please, I-"

But Tim snaps, "I know you're scared. I'm scared too, but I'm scared that this single incident from our 3 years of dating is making you want to throw it all away. I know you're hurting, but please don't give up on us. Not... Not unless you stop loving me." His voice falters to almost a whisper at the last sentence, and Jason instinctively reaches out to him, pulling Tim close to his chest, to his beating heart.

"I will never stop loving you." He mumbles into Tim's hair, breathing in the shampoo they share together. "I'm sorry.."

Tim doesn't say anything, just trying to compose himself and pressing his face into the comfort of Jason's chest.

#jaytim #tim drake #jason todd #red robin #batfam #red hood #dcu #leaving it not fully resolved because angsty #tbh in the morning I had them have a shouting contest but I wasnt feeling as raw angst now so its mellowed out fast #maybe later they have a fight about this again

[introspectivememories]

well now that we know the cult is back, imma need some heavy bernard angst from the comic. the panic attacks, relapses into unhealthy behavior, pushing people away, imma need all of it.

#'but you're okay now?' #'some days.' #make that no days now bear #i need it to start off innocuously too. like he puts off a date or two claiming that he has homework. he's clumsier now. like he doesn't #care what's in front of him. he walks into a pole once and ends up with a huge bruise on his shoulder. bernard presses on it for weeks. #and then comes the 'it's just once. I'm not gonna do it again.' behavior. the purposeful pain. the dig his nails into his wrists until #it stings. the bandages on the inside of his thighs kinda pain. #the 'tim can never find out about this' type of unhealthy behavior. #i need bernard to escalate until he wakes up aching one day and it's like he's gone back in time to the beginning of his cult days. #i need him to look himself in the mirror one morning and realize that even if could stop hurting himself he's not going to. #i need him to start loitering around the old cult building knowing that it's wrong to wish they were still active but wanting it anyway. #i need him to go on several benders. so sorry but i think he has a fake id and definitely buys alcohol. #oh my god... wait wait wait! #i need him to go out one night after assuring tim that he's gonna go straight home and get kidnapped by the cult again. #oh my god he wakes up on the altar again. mouth filled filled with wine and his hands tied down and he- #he relaxes. because he was chosen the first time and now he been chosen again. he's still good. thank god thank god he's still good. #and the first time they chose him he was bad. struggled too much begged too hard to be let go. but he's better now. #they chose him. again. he won't fight it this time. he'll be good this time. #this is just your friendly reminder that #cult conditioning takes at /least/ 5 years to wear off. usually more. #my man bernard is gonna be having a Lot of bad days #anyway #bernard dowd #dc #td:r #timbern #ig

[msfcatlover]

More Reverse!Robins

When Steph died, Tim took up her mantle because Steph deserved better than that memorial. Steph was so much more than the rest of the family’s guilt trip, Steph was so much more than her last moments, and Tim couldn’t bear the thought of that being Steph’s legacy. Tim still had to argue, he still had to fight, he still had to initially steal the suit in order to go out in it, but he won in the end.

Sort of.

Cass wouldn’t patrol with him, because she couldn’t bear to look over & see Not Steph in that suit. Bruce was still mourning, and only begrudgingly “allowed” Tim to go out like that. Damian was awful, because he felt like he’d personally failed Steph and insisted Tim come up to Bludhaven weekly to train, and didn’t realize how harsh/cruel that training was until Duke called Damian out on it… after which, Damian couldn’t bear to look Tim in the eye, and tried his very hardest to be better for him. (Duke gets to be the awesome big brother in this verse.)

Then Timothy Wayne got shot. Very publicly. And Tim couldn’t risk anyone putting together pieces that would’ve been obvious to Tim, so Tim all but begged Jason to take up the mantle. Jason didn’t even have to fight (Tim would prefer if Jason didn’t get into any fights, Jason was still pretty new,) but they couldn’t have Batman patrolling alone at the same time Timothy Wayne was in the hospital. Tim would’ve asked Cass, but he knew stepping into Steph’s boots would only hurt Cass worse, and everyone else was too tall to pass for Tim (Damian’s a beanpole, fight me.) It broke Jason’s heart to leave his brother in the hospital just to be seen running around on rooftops, but he did it anyway.

When Tim’s prognosis came back and they all realized Tim wouldn’t be doing parkour again, Jason formally took up the mantle with many tears shed. The rest of the family positively doted on Jason, with Cass & Bruce becoming borderline obsessive with their protectiveness, Damian trying to make up for past mistakes with a brother he didn’t feel guilty just being in the vicinity of, Tim trying to make sure Jason didn’t inherit any of Tim’s hero-baggage, and Duke making sure Jason still got a buffer of breathing room & got to act like a kid sometimes.

And then Steph came back. Saw how quickly Tim had taken her mantle. Saw how easily everyone who claimed to love & be there for her replaced her not once but twice. Where was this Damian, pictured out in public making time for his little brothers, when Steph happily took up his mantle & Damian disappeared off to Bludhaven to “figure himself out”? Where was this Duke, who cared more about his younger siblings than his daylight responsibilities both in & out of costume? What happened to the Cass who knew what you were feeling but not why you were feeling it (leading to hurt & misunderstandings that Steph remembered more clearly than the reunions & apologies) rather than hovering & doting over everyone younger than her? Where was this Bruce, who happily called them all “my children” rather than drawing a line between foster & family? Where was this Batman, who kept his sidekicks close & gently chastised them, rather than treating them like strangers or intruders into his space?

Steph had thought Duke & Damian’s distance was confidence, that Cass’s fumbling was just how Cass was, that Bruce’s harshness was just because Steph didn’t have powers or ninja training or whatever. She’d thought she found a family, and just needed to wiggle a bit in order to fit.

Clearly, Steph was wrong about that.

(Then Steph finds out her killer is still running free, still hurting others, that nothing’s changed & nobody did anything, and all that hurt turns to anger. It’s not even about being avenged—after everything Steph’s learned, she doesn’t expect that anymore—it’s about innocent people getting hurt.) (Fuck the Bats. If they can’t protect the city, Steph will do it herself.)

#reverse batfam #reverse robins #reverse!robins #reverse robins au #batfam #stephanie brown #steph brown #red hood!steph #red hood #red hood!stephanie #red hood!stephanie brown #red hood steph #red hood stephanie #red hood stephanie brown #oracle Tim drake #oracle tim #oracle!tim #oracle #robin #robin jason todd #robin jason #robin!jason #robin!jason todd #batman #RH!Steph #// #The worst part of all of this is that Steph was Jason’s hero. A fellow alley kid who became a world-recognized hero without forgetting her #roots. A hero with no powers except her own skill & gumption; who looked out for kids & stood up for the helpless. Steph was everything Jay #wanted to be. Jason did his best to live up to her legacy & the other Batkids whispered that Steph would’ve been proud of him. #And then she came back…

[cleverwordsandotherstuffilike]

Survival Mistakes That Can Get You Killed

Going Alone

There are numerous reasons that people go into the wilderness alone, but are these reasons worth your life? Each time you head out into the back-country alone, you expose yourself to additional risk. Without a buddy, there’s no one to go for help if you become immobilized. Without a partner, predators will take more interest in you. Without a friend, you may not get a tourniquet on fast enough. Before you head out alone, take a moment to reconsider.

Getting Lost

The #1 reason for a search and rescue (SAR) incident on land is that someone has gotten lost, but staying “found” isn’t always as easy as you might think. Tim MacWelch

Even with the latest and greatest technology available, our national parks were the backdrop to more than 65,000 search and rescue (SAR) incidents between 1992 and 2007. Approximately 40 percent of these cases involved lost individuals or groups. That’s a lot of lost people, and there are a lot of different ways these folks got lost.

The best way to prevent getting lost is to get more familiar with land navigation. It’s not enough to bring a map and compass with you into the wild. You’ll need to know how to shoot an azimuth and back azimuth, account for declination, and determine distances (among many other skills). You’ll also need to know that steel or iron objects can pull your compass needle away from magnetic north, so keep your rifle barrel away from your compass as you take bearings.

(Not-so) Edible Plants and Mushrooms

The wilderness is full of delicious and wholesome wild foods, as well as a good number of dangerous things that happen to look like food. Tim MacWelch

According to the NCBI, roughly 39 people per year are seriously harmed by ingesting the wrong mushrooms here in the United States (with an average of three fatalities per year). Plant poisonings are much harder numbers to average (yes, plants are different from mushrooms). With plant poisoning numbers being bolstered by little toddlers wolfing down mistletoe at Christmastime and teens trying to get high from random toxic wild plants, it’s very hard to estimate the true number of poisonings from outdoors people eating the wrong plant by mistake. The Centers for Poison Control lump everything together.

Failure To Light

The times when we need a fire the most are the times when fire can be the hardest to produce. Cold, windy, rainy conditions are prime time for hypothermia (the dangerous lowering of your body’s core temperature), and these are the toughest conditions for building a fire.

Even if you don’t expect to encounter wet weather, it’s never a bad idea to carry multiple fire starting implements and fuel that will burn even in wet and windy conditions. Products like UST’s WetFire cubes have been my favourite for years, though Vaseline soaked cotton balls are a close second place. Either of these fuels will light from sparks or flame (though flame is your better choice, hence all the Bic lighters I carry).

Cutting Corners

Your work ethic plays a serious role in your success as a survivor. If you do a crappy job building your shelter, you’ll pay for it when the hard rains come. If you don’t get enough firewood for the whole night, someone’s going to be stumbling around in the dark looking for sticks. Work hard on the task at hand, do a good job, go above and beyond, and stay with your task until the job is done. This means building a bomb-proof survival shelter—the first time around. It means dragging in a giant firewood pile. Always try to do your best, plus a little extra for insurance.

Mistaking Stubbornness for Tenacity

There’s a lot of wisdom in the old adage “If at first you don’t success, try, try, again.” There’s also a problem with this line of thinking. It’s critical for a survivor to understand the difference between things that are worth continuing and the things that need to be abandoned. It’s tempting to think of stubbornness as a good thing, like being too stubborn to die, but stubbornness is essentially this: beating your head into a brick wall, convinced that you will eventually break the wall down. Stubbornness is a condition that can be self-destructive and ultimately defeating. So what’s the better way through the brick wall? Do you keep trying something that isn’t working? Or do you take a big step back, do some problem solving and find another way through the wall (over, under, or around it)? Don’t let pride or ego fuel your stubbornness. Don’t keep throwing your dwindling matches at a crappy wet fire lay, just because you think it should light. If something isn’t working, find another way. That stubborn mindset can get you killed, or kill someone you love.

Not Passing the Dress Code

The clothing you choose will not only impact your comfort on the trail, but it can affect your very survival if things go south. Choose thick wool or synthetics for colder weather that may turn wet. Wear loose, lightweight, quick drying clothing when conditions are hot. Think about a few bright colored garments, for visibility and signaling for help. Functionality should always beat style when it comes to outdoor clothing.

Prevention: Dress in layers, bring extra clothes and pick the right fabrics for the situation.

Allowing Panic To Prevail

There are times when our own minds (and the fear they create) will be our own worst enemy. When stress and fear cause our bodies to release a cocktail of hormones and chemicals (preparing for a “fight or flight” situation), it’s not unusual for a person to feel the sensation of panic. If you’ve never really been at the mercy of panic before, it is an unthinking and unrestrained form of fear which can manifest in several ways. You may find (after you have calmed down) that you ran around frantically with no clear plan in mind. You may also “wake up” from being frozen in a catatonic state of fear. You may even have overwhelming emotional responses (like crying inconsolably or lashing out in rage). Any of these panic responses could be the wrong choice for your unique set of circumstances – causing you to be injured and making your problems a whole lot worse.

Prevention: When panic starts to build, find something (ANYTHING) that can shift your mental focus. Count your breaths, do a small productive task, or say a prayer. Do something to control your fear before it morphs into full-fledged panic.

Trusting The Weather Prediction

Once you’re out in the back-country, it’s up to you to make intelligent predictions about the upcoming weather. The official prediction may suggest a magical stretch of weather – not too hot or too cold, just right with low humidity and clear skies. However, experienced outdoors people know better. Mountains can make their own weather systems, and these can take an unexpected turn at the drop of a hat. Fog can ruin your visibility and hide trail markers. Rain and wind can soak your “sunny day” wardrobe and steer you toward hypothermia with alarming speed.

Keep your own watch on the weather, by scanning the horizon often and paying attention to wind and cloud patterns. This can give you early warning if there’s a change in the weather or an unexpected storm is approaching.

Ignoring Your Instincts

Ever had that feeling you just couldn’t shake? You thought you were being watched or you just weren’t comfortable. You knew something was wrong, but couldn’t explain what was wrong or how you knew it. We don’t use them very much in modern life, but human beings do have a few instincts inherited from the ancestors. Compared to animals with instincts for navigation or anticipating the weather, our assorted instincts aren’t that sharp. We still can, however, sense things out of the ordinary from time to time. It may simply be your subconscious picking up on clues that your conscious mind has ignored – or it may be true instinct, pure and simple. This much is certain, that little voice in your head is there for a reason.

Underestimating The Risks

There are risks involved in enjoying the great outdoors. Every year, a handful of people run into real trouble in the wilderness – often because they didn’t understand the risks they were truly facing. Before you head into the back-country, do your research to discover all the hazards you may encounter. Are there bears? If so, what species? How unpredictable is the weather? Are there rock slides or venomous animals? Choosing to do your homework doesn’t seem like a life or death decision, but it certainly can be.

[bronx-bomber87]

We're off to episode 3 another fantastic one for our fav couple. Let's get started shall we?

2x03 The Bet

Tim and Lucy are getting ready to head out when she asks how his night was. Seems like an innocent enough question by her. So Tim is honest. Lucy's response is sassy to say the least. Being as comfortable as possible in its delivery. Tim isn't too happy with her reply. Let me say this, Lucy is the ONLY person Tim would ever allow to talk to him like this LOL No way in hell he would indulge anyone else to even broach the subject. But then no one else would have the guts to like Lucy either. She is always the exception for him.

Once again Lucy is doing it for his own good. To shake him out of his routine. Help him move on. Everything this woman ever does is in his best interest. Tim’s deep breath in the first gif when she starts up is so funny. Like he is bracing himself for whatever Lucy barrage is headed his way. He knows she is going to say something he doesn't want to hear LOL She tries to broach the subject lightly but is instantly shot down. Now he isn't mad so much as annoyed which is progress believe it or not haha

Lucy clams up pretty quickly after he mentions jogging behind the shop all day. Her face is hilarious. Lucy has learned to take her foot off the gas when need be. She opened the door a crack to this convo and shut it quickly. It’s like she pokes the bear gauges his reaction then strategizes for a bit on how to better approach him later. She is no where near done meddling in this matter.

We rejoin them at the station booking a couple of sex workers. This is where Lucy decides to bring this subject up once again. The lack of personal space in this scene is primo. Personal space? Never heard of her.... I love it so much. My goodness they are awfully close to one another in this scene hehe She sees this as her window and is right back at it. Lucy is saying she thinks she can help him. He looks at her like she’s insane. But he allows her to continue. Almost bemused at her confidence to set him up properly. It becomes a point of pride for Lucy. The more he seems to doubt her the more she wants to prove him wrong. What else is new? Haha

This quickly goes from setting him up to a work flirt. I mean look at those two above. They're not subtle in the least...All their work flirts stem from challenging one another. This whole situation goes from helping Tim go out on a date to a competition. Because well it’s them LOL They’re both so damn competitive...That’s literally what this entire thing boils down to. Both of them digging in their heels and not relenting. Thinking they're right and the other is in the wrong.

Tim has grown a lot I keep saying but it’s true and I'm just so proud of him. Last season Tim wouldn’t have allowed Lucy anywhere near his personal/love life. Let alone make a bet about it with her. They’re both SO cocky and confident they’re going to win as well. They decide on the the winner's spoils. For Tim he gets 50 push ups after each call. Lucy gets the short sleeves she was robbed of.

Tim agrees and says she has to pay if he does this. Lucy doesn’t even care and hastily agrees to this. Just wants so badly to be in short sleeves. These two are ridiculous fools and I love them for it. Also the way Lucy looks at him after they make their bet above is so cute. Little smitten kitten this one. As I've said before as transparent as glass. She is so adorable in how she looks at him. If he looked next to him he would see the heart eyes being lodged his way. Also lets pay back attention to the lack of space. *sigh* I just love them so much.

Tim does what he does best. Getting under Lucy’s skin as much as possible. In a way only he knows how. Since Lucy is paying he’s taking Rachel to most expensive restaurant possible. He's such a shit haha I adore him though. The work flirt continues. We haven’t had one in a bit this definitely constitutes as one. Tim going on about the expensive food and wine. You can see the irritation all over her face. Eric and Melissa are masters at conveying so much with a look. Right now she wants to shove him off that chair.

Lucy is trying to turn it back in her favor. Saying how romantic it is. That he wouldn't have chosen that if he wanted his date to fail. Their banter is unrivaled. I enjoy their verbal sparring so much. Tim is ever so cocky of course. He thinks he has this in the bag. That Lucy is destined to stay in long sleeves till her probation is up. Well if he has anything to do with it she will.

He is more excited at the prospect of Lucy doing those push-ups and winning this bet than the date itself. Oh Timothy. His damn cute smile in that last gif though above. Lord help me. I swear he only smiles that way with her. Amazing the amount of chemistry these two have without even touching. Testament to how good it is.

I don’t know what’s funnier. The fact that Lucy is casing his date or that she dragged Jackson along for it LMAO Kills me. ‘Mama needs to get into short sleeves’ I’m dying haha Also Jackson telling her how weird this is. I loved their friendship so much. Down to do and help each other with whatever.

Tim crashing and burning on this date is too funny. He needs an ice breaker. What does he do to rectify the situation? Brings up his work wife. Yes baby, that’ll fix the current train wreck you have going on. Smh. He does look damn good though. Feast for the eyes and all that. I will say I did like Rachel. She was the perfect person to get him back into the dating world. A Lucy 2.0 you could say. Because she challenges him and calls him on his crap too. I mean look at that second gif. Got him to go from saying Chen to Lucy with a pointed look.

I like Rachel for what she represented for him. Showing him he could have a functional relationship post Isabel. I think she was very important in shaping Tim into who he becomes in that regard. I hope this doesn’t sound as mean as it may come off. Rachel was a means to an end for Chenford. A good one but one none the less. Serious enough to show Tim he was capable of that again but not enough that he would leave LA for it.(But that’s much farther in the future for s2.) I will say I do love what Rachel does for him in the long run. I didn’t hate their scenes by any means. They had their purpose. I.e. Lucy who will eventually win this bet as we will see later on.

Lucy and Jackson continue to watch the date. It looks like Tim is flailing and Rachel is off put. Tim admits the bet he has with Lucy. That he wants to win. Rachel flirts and says being with her isn't a win? Then they start to click a bit. Tim says he can help Rachel with her civil standbys. She asks what he’d like in return? Tim being Tim knows Lucy is watching. Has Rachel slap him in the face and leave. Lucy is crushed and convinced she will be in long sleeves the rest of her probationary period haha

Oh Lucy you know why you care if Tim dates LOL Just last episode you recorded an old ass book for this man. But it is far too early for you to understand the true meaning of those actions just yet. She cares so much and is so empathetic. She will do things to her own detriment. Like this date haha Jackson’s reply is the best though. ‘You just want everyone to be happy. That’s a good quality’ He was such a good friend. ❤️

I love that Lucy couldn’t stand the idea of Rachel thinking badly of Tim. So she made sure early the next morning to visit her and rectify that. Almost like she couldn't move on with her day until she did this. That even if they didn’t work out romantically, she had to come and defend Tim to her. Lucy has seen his good side more than anyone else. To her there is no one better to defend his name than her. So that’s exactly what she did. Gah I love it. She’s so loyal.

Lucy looks down and sees a pair of boots. Then Tim does his glorious entrance. A shot we all love let's be honest. He's all wet from the shower and in a low hanging towel. Phew lord. Lucy looks a little thirsty at first. Then she turns her brain back on. (I can’t blame her girl I'm thirsty from seeing him too ahaha) Lucy confidently looks him in the eye and says ‘Short sleeves’ then takes off with a glorious smile and stride out of Rachel's place and back to her car.

Tim is so mad he’s lost this bet he doesn’t even care Lucy is seeing him in a towel. Or the fact that he’s there cause he spent the night with her friend. He’s more annoyed she won the bet LOL Classic. He thought he was going to have his cake and eat it too. Sorry Tim that’s a hard no haha This ep was one big work flirt for them both and I loved it.

~~~~~

Side notes- Meh didn’t really have much. Was cool to have couple Castle peeps on the show Seamus and Jon retuning. And Wopez was cute with his mom and stuff but nothing major. Jackson' SL with Smitty was really good tragic but good.

Forgot to thank everyone last review my apologies. Always so very thankful to those that like/comment (I adore comments)/ reblog and such you all are the best. :)

#Caitlin rewatches The Rookie #chenford #chenford hiatus #summer rewatch #waiting on s6 #s2 #2x03 The Bet #the rookie #tim bradford #lucy chen #tim x lucy #lucy x tim #eric winter #melissa o'neil #otp: doing my job #otp: you know me so well. too well. #tim bradford x lucy chen

[starseneyes]

Chenford REWIND- Lucy Chen / Tim Bradford - The Rookie - Season 3 Ep 14 & Season 4 Ep 1

Hello, beautiful humans (and the random cat or dog who might be looking over someone's shoulder).

I had a request for 4x01, but it didn't feel complete without the context of 3x14, since they flow into one another. So, I hope you'll bear with me as we dive into both.

SPOILER WARNING: This is a spoiler zone. I will spoiler all of these two episodes, and reference past material. I do try to write these as though I'm watching them for the first time, but please bear in mind that I am up to date to 5x12.

Ready? Let's dive in!

Threshold

"You can never let down your guard. Never relax. Because if it comes, when it comes, you will have to do everything right. Because one wrong word, one wrong move, one wrong look, and you're dead."

Holy cold open, Batman! You may think, "Why is she starting a Chenford meta with Nyla's speech?" Because... these are the stakes.

This is what's at risk on this op, and everyone knows it... including Tim. His ex-wife did UC, so he's intimately familiar with the pang and anxiety of not knowing what's going down with someone you love when they're on assignment like this.

But I think it's important for the audience to be reminded of the stakes. Lucy Chen didn't chose a safe job to begin with, going into law enforcement as an officer. But UC is a totally different beast. Instead of heading into the lion's den armed with all your tools, you're going in often blind and alone.

Lucy Tips Off The Cops

Let's be real, Lucy spotted the car and decided to send a message. She has no phone, no way to contact anyone, and she needs to make sure that this goes clean.

Best way to do that? Tip off someone on the other side. She saw her opportunity, and she took it. Smart gal.

"It's Lucy." "What do we do?" "Treat it like any other stop, but we do not run anyone in that car."

Tim spots her face in the mirror before he even gets out of the car. Jackson is obviously worried, but Tim keeps his concern in check while they're in the Shop together. He knows from his years of experience that the only thing they can do is stay calm and not blow her cover.

"There's no way these cops are gonna let us go."

I love Lucy's glance back at the mirror and Tim's back at her. It's likely a trick of editing, but it gives us the feeling that they're in sync—they're looking for one another, in this moment, but for different reasons.

Tim wants to be sure she's safe. She wants to be sure he makes it out of this alive.

"Look, before we start shooting cops in broad daylight, just let me try something, okay?" "What?" "Flirting. I haven't gotten a ticket since I was 16. I know how to get out of them, okay? Just trust me."

She's looking in the mirror, again, at him. He's looking back. She's hoping and praying he'll play along.

And, honestly, he's the perfect person for this. There are so many other officers that this wouldn't have worked with. But Tim and Lucy have a very deep running trust and respect for one another.

Plus, Tim knows how UC goes better that most. He's already prepped Jackson on how to proceed, and he's going to take point.

"I'm sorry, officer, was I going too fast?"

Tim's clenching his jaw so often I'm afraid it's going to seize. While he's doing a good job of keeping his emotions in check, they're there. He can read from the situation that it's not a good one.

"Yes, ma'am. You almost caused an accident." "We're in a hurry. It's my brother's birthday and I haven't gotten any party supplies."

Clever Girl. (yes, that's a Jurassic Park reference. I AM nearing 40, so it's totally my childhood). Lucy's sneaking in information and hoping Tim's going to grab onto it.

"License and registration, please." "C'mon, you don't really need that, do you?"

Tim has leaned towards her, placing a hand on the car door. It's not a move he'd normally make, but it's Lucy. Lucy seizes the opportunity to place her hand atop his.

Tim glances down at her hand, putting the pieces together of what she's doing. Because, come on, Season 3 Lucy would not randomly place her hand on his.

He knows this is a message... I don't know if he understands the situation is fraught with mortal danger, but he knows he needs to stop what he's doing and pay attention to what she's doing.

"You should come to the party after work. We'd have fun." "Yeah, I bet we would."

Tim chuckles a little before his line, and the "yeah" to me is in answer to her. Because what she's just told him is that this party isn't happening, yet. She doesn't need him, yet.

And much as Tim hates this, he's going to follow protocol and he's going to walk away. Lucy holds his gaze, and while we don't see the reverse, I'm sure he's feeling her message.

"Alright, I'm gonna let you go with a warning this time. But slow down, okay?" "Yeah, I promise."

She puts some smile into her voice, but it drops from her face as soon as she meets his eyes, again.

"Thank you so much."

That was for Tim. Thank you for hearing me. Thank you for understanding me. Thank you for not blowing my cover. Thank you for trusting me.

"Yeah. Have fun at that party."

The "Yeah" is for Lucy. Yeah, I hate this but I'm doing it. Yeah, I know you can handle this. Yeah, I've got your back and always will.

The second line is for the car to show that her ploy to flirt with him worked. And Tim holds her gaze a last second before he walks away.

"See? Cops are easy. You just gotta know how to play them."

But she's watching him in the mirror the whole walk back to make sure he's safe. He has no idea she just saved his life.

"She is clear that if she is in over her head, she can pull herself out." "She won't, and you know it. There's no quit in Chen."

Remember their conversation after DOD? It was the first time Tim pointed out Lucy's lack of "Quit", and I'm glad it comes back, here. Tim knows Lucy well enough to know that she will see it through to the end. Like him, Lucy Chen finishes what she starts.

Gosh, these two are such a match made in heaven. But, they're not there, yet.

"Look, she's due for a check-in at Midnight. I will take her temperature then. If I feel like she's in too deep, then we can go get her."

Why does this feel like a friend trying to calm a worried spouse? It does, right? Lucy is no longer his Rookie, but he's very concerned about her well being.

"Call me right after." "Alright."

We're still in the phase of other people telling Tim how Lucy's doing—but Tim needing to know. And I don't think he even knows why he needs to know. But some part of him needs to know that she is okay.

Because much as their relationship shifts over the years, I think this whole ordeal pulls a lot to the surface that was lingering beneath. Yes, I know as someone who is up-to-date with 5x12 that there are many new obstacles, issues, and arguments coming their way. But this episode is important.

Tim is worrying more than he should about a fellow officer. Yes, we have seen how fiercely loyal he can be to those who cares about. But Tim is taking the worried husband position, here. And it's so bloody inappropriate, but Nyla doesn't call him on it.

But the woman's not oblivious. She's known Tim a long time, and she knows well enough that it's not the time to argue with him. She's going to placate him and get him out of her hair.

"Lucy missed her check-in." "She's cooking."

Excuse me. Timothy Bradford, did you come all the way back to the station just to check on your not-Boot? Like, you didn't even trust Nyla to call you? Instead you're showing up at the station to check on your girl.

Tim, we see you!

"You don't know that for sure." "She's either cooking or she's dead." "She's not dead." "Then she's making product. From the chemicals she stole, we know it's meth. Alright. That takes four to eight hours. Look, you and I both know it's against the law for her to allow product she cooked to hit the streets. If we don't find her, she's gonna stop it by herself... or die trying."

And now Nyla's listening to him. Watch the wheels turn as she processes what he's saying (which is mostly for the audience because, as he pointed out, Nyla already knows all this).

Again, they're telling us the stakes. We have to understand what Lucy is willing to do. And why it's stressing Tim the eff out.

"You're not a nobody, are you?" "No, I'm a cop and you're under arrest." "You stole my line." "I thought you said she needed rescuing."

Tim. Look at you braggin' on your girl. We know he was worried about her. He wouldn't have driven all the way to the station in the middle of the night if he wasn't. But in front of her, he's bragging on her and her badass self.

We stan a man who doesn't fear a strong woman.

"How'd you guys get here so fast? Not that I'm complaining." "When you didn't report in last night, Sergeant Grey called the chief who called every law enforcement agency in Southern California." "400 cops just spent the night looking for you."

Including your husband, who hasn't slept all night knowing you were out here and needed help. Tim is already going above and beyond for Lucy. For all of his "not my job" talk, he's the one who's really there for her. He's the one checking in on her. He's the one worrying about her.

And, let's be real, Lucy's never had anyone like that in her life. Her parents haven't supported her, and non of the guys she's dated have stuck. But her former TO, hard-ass Tim Bradford is the guy who steps up to play husband when she's in danger.

"I need superglue, hair pins, and your badge."

First off, how on-brand is it for Tim Bradford to show up to a wedding and still have his badge on him? And how awesome is it that his future step-daughter already knows it?

"Thank you both for believing in me."

This line hits hard based on Lucy's background. Her parents have been un-supportive in her ambition. She hasn't really had people in her life who believed in her, but the more she's at Mid-Wilshire, the more she's finding a whole new family.

Found family tropes are my jam because I live in one. 20 years ago, one night at University orientation, I met the people who would be the best friends of my life. We are raising our children together. We vacation together. We party together. We mourn together.

Because, for whatever reason, sometimes we need more than our blood family. Found family is a gift, and I'm so thrilled for mine. And that Lucy Chen found hers.

"To tell the truth, I kind of missed it."

Lucy's eyes trail past Nyla and Grey... to where Tim talks with Officer Jan. Tell me she didn't miss Tim! While she was alone in that hotel room playing chess with herself? Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

"Um, will you excuse me?"

Nyla takes a sip of her drink, going with the flow. Unsurprising that the woman who was missing is going to talk to the man who was obsessed with her being missing. But, Grey's, "Where the heck is she going?" cracks me up. He full on turns around to see why Lucy would cut off a conversation with her Sergeant. Of course, it's Tim.

Officer Jan seems to know when to get out of the way of true love and excuses himself.

And Tim. Can't. Help. Himself.

Lucy is stunning in that green dress with the red lips, her hair pulled back, but still flowing, and that slit. Girlfriend understood the assignment and showed up to the wedding in style.

Tim's eyes trace over her with an abandon we've rarely seen from him. He's not over-thinking this moment. He's not in work-mode. It's very rare, at this point, that we see him and Lucy outside the structure of their status as Officers.

But here, in the ambiance of romance, Tim Bradford checks Lucy Chen out.

"Nice suit. Nova would be impressed." "Nova was a little thirsty." "I like to think of her as assertive." "Mm."

Flirty Banter Alert. Folks, we have flirty banter. And Tim smiling at her!? This scene took me out the first time I watched it. Because Tim's not a smiley person by default. He's a bit broody, grumpy, gruff, and non-plussed. And that's fine.

But there are situations that make him smile, and I love that Lucy Chen flirting with him is now on the list.

"First solo op and you take down two major drug traffickers. Not bad." "Thank you."

That's a huge compliment from Tim. And that's what Lucy wanted. Her little Praise Kink wanted to hear what Tim had to say, and she hoped it would be good. Lucy turns to walk away, but even as she's moving away from him, his mind is stuck on her.

You can see the wheels turning in his mind. He just spent the entire night looking for this woman, worried out of his mind for her. He hasn't felt that kind of attachment in a really long time, and something in him is seizing this moment.

And you know the circumstances are just right. Lucy made it through the night, proved her badass self, and now she's wearing that stunning dress and she's a few feet away from him. He doesn't want her that far away.

"Hey Chen." "Yeah?"

Lucy looks back, with zero expectations.

"Save me a dance."

He says it as he walks away to join another conversation. Because he's not ready to fully face what he feels, yet, but he also wants to make sure he doesn't miss this moment.

Saying it on the move means he doesn't have to watch her face to see how it registers... He's not ready to see her response, but he somehow knows it will be "yes".

And look at Lucy Chen. He's still framed in the shot, which I find fascinating. Like, what was the mentality behind it? To show he's not really that far away? Not really that unattainable? Just out of reach?

Lucy nearly twirls with the impact of those words. They stir something in her akin to her Praise Kink, which I really think also ties into her Tim Kink.

Because, come on, there's been something between them for ages. Like, they could have had angry sex and it been fiery and explosive but that flame never matured to a stable fire—one to be fed by love and dedication to one another.

They're not there, yet. But in the beauty of the wedding setting, Tim Bradford asked Lucy Chen to dance. And that can never be taken back. It's a part of their story forever, now. The veils over Tim's heart started to come down just enough to let a little light in.

Life and Death

"I almost got us all killed." "That trip wire was nearly invisible. I only saw it because I had the right angle." "That's not the point. I should have known to look." "Well that sounds like a failure in training. Perhaps you should bring it up with Tim." "Can you imagine?"

Let's be real... Lucy's best friend was killed. They were just at Lopez's wedding waiting for her to walk down the aisle, and now she's missing. Lucy's beating herself up for not being perfect, and the way Nolan tries to cheer her up is by ragging on Tim.

And, come on, we know they've done enough of that over the years. To Nolan's credit, he's trying to get her to chuckle, at the very least, and stop being so hard on herself.

And, no, I'm not addressing N*cy. Not ever. But they make good friends.

"I can't go back to the apartment. his empty room." "You don't have to. You can stay with me." "I don't want to impose." "No. Lucy, you shouldn't be alone right now." "Thanks." "Yeah."

"Lucy". Not "Chen". Lucy. At this stage, he doesn't address her as Lucy, often. But right now, they're all vulnerable and exposed.

Just a few days ago he was worried sick about Lucy. They got her back and had the emotional high of that combined with the euphoria of a wedding... only to be tossed back into uncertainty and heartache with the loss of Jackson and Angela's abduction.

Emotions are running high for all of them. And sometimes that necessitates stripping away formalities for the sake of survival.

Tim of a few years ago wouldn't have extended this to Lucy. But he knows her, now. She's a friend. She's someone who he cares about who is hurting. And he won't let her go through it alone.

That says so much about Tim Bradford. About how he can be so rough around the edges and yet so soft for those who he cares about.

"I'll take the couch." "Wait, I thought you were setting that up for me."

Lucy. In. Tim's. Clothes. I mean, we've seen her sleeping before and her shirt sleeves are nowhere NEAR that roomy. This implies she rode with him to his place, and that they didn't bother stopping by hers.

I know there's nothing sexual about it, at this point, but it's still so incredibly metaphorical. He's letting her into his world. Because, damnit, this former Rookie is already under his skin... even if he's not ready to face it, yet.

And she's wearing the moonstone ring. It was hers and now it's strangely theirs. She wore it. He found it. He carried it. And now she wears it, again. It's traveled with both of them, and its history is all the more complex for it.

"I'm not gonna have a guest sleep on the couch." "And I'm not gonna kick you out of your own bed. Come on. Get up."

First off, I love that Tim admits to thinking of Lucy as a "guest". This isn't a work-thing in any way. This is a friend thing. He's being here for her emotionally as a friend. Not so long ago, Tim would have denied the moniker, but there's no denying it, now. "We're friends".

Tim doesn't fight her any further. After all, he's doing all this to try to be there for her, to support her. They're friends. We saw how far he'd go for Lopez to make sure she had a dream wedding. And with this act of love, we can see he's done pretending Lucy is nothing more than his former-Boot.

"Um... do you need anything?"

Have you ever seen Sense & Sensibility with Emma Thompson? The late, great Alan Rickman's character, Colonel Brandon, is aching when the girl of his dreams, Kate Winslet's character, is ill. He asks for an occupation... for something he can do. And I feel like Tim is a kindred spirit.

When Lucy was taken in DOD, he couldn't sit still. He needed to do something. He's helping her now because he needs to give her more than words. He's more of a "show" guy, remember? He's showing Lucy that he cares, and he wants to make sure he gives her what she needs.

"The last 24 hours back?"

Ah. Another post-DOD parallel. Because Lucy's still looking for her time machine. This time, Tim feels less responsible for her pain... but he still would do anything to stop it.

"I'm afraid I don't have that power." "A hug?"

It's a long shot, asking Tim Bradford for a hug. At least, that's what Lucy thinks. But Tim Bradford would do anything to ease her pain. "Give me an occupation", his heart cries.

"Yeah, come here."

He crosses to her and pulls her close. Lucy sniffles as she leans against him, and his hand briefly goes to her hair, as it did in DOD when he first held her on the ground as she sobbed.

It's the first time since then that they've been this close. It's a terrible, sad reason, again, that brings them together. But proximity makes it harder to ignore the growing gravitational pull.

"It's okay." "Thanks."

He pulls away from her, not letting it linger. His eyes go back to the couch, where he was ready to sleep for the night. But it's his hands that have my attention.

His right hand gives her left forearm a gentle squeeze of encouragement. And his left rubs up and down her right. The short embrace is lingering. He doesn't want to stop touching her.

And this isn't the passion of two people looking at one another and thinking, "The one." There's a raw need here to feel something other than the heartache and pain.

Holding her in his arms, he feels it. That all he has to do is not break away to feel something completely different, and for her to feel it, too.

He looks down to her and sees this beautiful, vulnerable woman in his arms. There's a charge that passes between them as her eyes flick up to meet his. There's an openness there, on her part, looking for some comfort.

That's why she asked for the hug, right? Physical comfort. But there's something else now that's pulling him toward her as much as he's tearing himself away. Because he would never take advantage.

Lucy is hurting. Her best friend is dead. And no matter what Tim is feeling in this moment, he's not going to make a move. The last thing he wants to do is take advantage of someone who is hurting.

With a quick glance at her lips, he removes himself from the situation. And that's when Lucy realizes why.

Besides asking her to dance a few days ago, Lucy has no reason to think that Tim would have any interest in her. She hasn't seen the way he worries when she isn't there. She hasn't seen how his face softens when he asks others how she's doing. She hasn't seen him wrestling with what he feels for his former Rookie.

This is the first time she's seen it. He was right there holding her one moment, and with the briefest charge, he retreated. Yes, he did the right thing. But he left Lucy Chen standing there, speechless.

Did she imagine it?

Tim goes to his room and closes the door. He lays down on the bed he turned down for Lucy. I mean, come on, that's such amazing care! It looks like this is his side of the bed (closest to the door in case of emergency, furthest from the window), and he was giving it to her.

He lies down and tries to clear his head of the woman on the other side of the door.

Lucy heads for the couch, but her eyes trail back to his door. She didn't imagine it. Look, Lucy is confident in herself, sexually, and Comfort Coitus is not out-of-the-question for her. It would feel good to feel good.

And the bonus is that maybe it would allow her to explore whatever there is between her and Tim. Because even though neither of them would put a name to it, at this point, there's something there.

Tim closes his eyes, but opens them, again. Because when his eyes close, he sees her. His gaze trails back to the door. Because he's second-guessing himself. Maybe she would want it, too. Maybe he should have asked. Maybe he shouldn't have been so hasty.

And Lucy's on the couch looking back at that door. Because the more she lies there, the more she thinks about what it would be like to be with Tim Bradford. And if he's willing to be with her, too, why the hell not?

Tim looks away from the door and pumps his pillow up behind him, as if that minor adjustment will adjust his thoughts away from the gorgeous woman on his couch. He looks almost disappointed in himself. "What are you thinking?" Because Tim Bradford isn't ready for this, yet.

Would it be awesome sex? Hell, yeah. Would it be the best foundation for a relationship? No. There's still so much for these characters to unpack on their own and together. For Chenford to really work, it has to happen at a time when they're both emotionally healthy enough for it to work. We're not there, yet.

But, damn, Lucy wants to be. She finally can't take it anymore and throws off the blanket. She stands, taking her first steps towards Tim's bedroom. It's a risk, sure, but in this moment, she's willing to take it.

And, remember, I said all of this is a combination of the perfect circumstances to bring them here. Separated from the moment, she'll second-guess it as much as he'll try to deny it to himself. But in this moment, Lucy Chen makes a bold move.

Just in time for Tim to walk out the door on the phone with answers. Lucy tries to hide that she was on his way to him because the moment has passed. For him to see her on her feet now would be embarrassing and awkward, right?

"We'll be right there."

This implies others know that Lucy came home with him tonight. And because they all know Tim so well, they wouldn't even suspect that something might've happened between them. Tim's wounds from Isabelle haven't yet healed, and he'd be a fool to fall for another UC, right? Right!?

Yeah, boy's already falling... but he's not ready to face it, yet. And now there's no room to discuss what might have been because they're both focused on the task at hand—saving Angela.

"What about Max?" "Who the hell's Max?"

Look, this isn't Chenford, but this is one of those general appreciations of Eric Winter because Tim always reacts. Even when he's in a group of people, Tim reacts.

You might say, "Well, duh, people react". But some actors almost pull back on their characters when they're not the center of attention. When the camera is capturing him, Eric Winter is Tim Bradford. The man acts with his entire body, all the way through his fingers.

So, if you happen to watch this scene, watch Tim's face after that last line there. It sends me rolling, and it's nice to have a smile in the middle of a heavy episode.

"Did you get her?" "No."

There is something poetic about Tim calling her right at the moment she was ready to fall apart. Now she has a task... an occupation... something to busy her mind.

"We're going to Plan B." "I don't like Plan B." "Join the club. It's what we've got."

Lucy gets set up while the others get ready on their end.

TIM

Look, I don't know if this was a mistake or if Lucy goes back and forth on what she has on her phone for him, but right now, it says "TIM" when he calls. And that makes me feel all sorts of things in the context of this episode for Chenford.

"Tim? Please be careful."

"Because I can't lose anyone else." A wall has come down between them that they can never erect (heh), again. No, they didn't sleep together. But Tim let her into his world. He let her into his home. His clothes. His arms.

And that brings them that much closer to one another.

"I always am."

Nyla, my apologies that you're the one to have to witness all this Chenford goodness the past two episodes. Like, this seriously sounds like a sign-off between a worried wife and a man confident in his abilities.

Tim and Lucy at the Party

Look, I know it's little, but I love the touch that three months later, when we see them outside of work, he's still standing by her side.

This episode is a real catalyst, I think, for so much of what happens in S4 between these two.

FAST FORWARD: Tim dates a short-haired blonde girl who is nothing like Lucy all season and is awkward and embarrassed when Lucy finds out about her (via him arguing with his sister). Come on. Tell me that man wasn't running from his feelings for Lucy! And that hug later in the season wouldn't have been possible without this one. It all starts here.

As always, thank you for reading! If you have a request, please leave it in the comments and I'll take it under consideration! I really love writing these.

On a day like today when I've been in constant pain, it's been a grand distraction when I wasn't helping with Pinewood Derby cars, jumping on the trampoline, playing "telephone" with the kids, patty-cake, movie night, getting poster supplies for Student Council, and paying bills. Typical Saturday around here! May yours be a joy.

#Chenford #Lucy Chen #Tim Bradford #Eric Winter #Melissa O'Neil #The Rookie #Meta #Lucy x Tim #Tim x Lucy

[bogusboxed]

“Taking The Backseat.”

”Taking The Backseat” -Tim Wright X GN!Reader -All Rights Reserved to Troy Wagner.

I do not own “Tim Wright” and do not take credit for him.

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Trigger Warnings: Angst, Grief, Lost.

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You fidgeted with your hands, waiting for something to change. You waited for something beyond what was set in stone and had half a mind to leave before it could happen. You couldn’t do it, but you also didn’t have the energy for that either. You didn’t want to deal with the reality of your life. You didn’t want to see any of them leave. Not when you’d known them this long. You worked so hard to keep everyone together, but here it was falling apart in front of you. You felt weak, with nothing but your mind to comfort you. But even saying that felt ironic, given that it was the very thing betraying you. It was overflowing with the future and the realization that you'd never see each other again. You felt much smaller and more insignificant than a waterboarded cigarette. You couldn’t have that light, and you would never give it away. The backseat seemed to cage you in, as you didn’t move. You couldn’t. Even when the trees peered into your vision. All you did was watch. You sat back and watched everything unfold. And maybe that was your problem doing just that. You exhaled a shaky breath as you heard a light exhale from the driver's seat. You looked up in the rear-view mirror to only see your reflection. You could see how tense you looked. How exhausted you looked. Though it was nothing in comparison to the man driving the car. Tim. He had his hair much longer than before with the combination of his thicker facial hair. He hadn’t taken care of himself, which was apparent in everything he did. The way he talked, the way he stood, and even the way he looked at you. You looked away from the mirror to the dashboard, focusing on the dark burn marks left on the thick, dark plastic.

"Your exit should be coming up soon." Tim glanced at you ever so slightly in the mirror as you uncomfortably shifted.

You wanted to curl up into a ball. Was there anything else to be said? Was there anything else you could do? You knew deep within that this was the last time. The time last you’d be in the back of his car. The last time you’d be in the backseat of things.

"A-huh," you muttered, not bothering to raise your voice above a whisper.

You couldn’t bring yourself to. You didn’t want this to be the last time. You didn’t want to lose your friends, though that had already happened. You all vowed to lose contact with one another, and this was it. You’d already lost Jessica in a memory. Could you bear to lose Tim the same way? Could you lock him away in memory? Did you have it in you to let him be happy? Did you have it in you to not be with him to the end? In the uncomfortable silence, you kept your poker face, not letting a tear roll down your face. You were so tired. Tired of everything. Tired of the way you’d do everything you could just for it to fall apart moments later. What were you doing wrong? Did you not do enough? Were you not enough? For a brief moment, your breath was suffocated by those questions. You weren’t ready to say goodbye. You wanted to be self-fish. You wanted to go down with the burning ship.

"Fucking hell," Tim huffed under his breath for a moment focused on something.

"What?" your instinctive curiosity got the better of you, snapping you out of your previous thoughts.

"Running low on gas," he replied as he turned on his turn signal.

He sighed, not in the mood for such stupid problems. You slouched, letting your posture fall as you rested your head against the side of the car. You could feel your seatbelt restricting your movement as cars passed. You didn’t know how, but you felt much calmer. Perhaps it was the fact that he was speaking to you, and it felt like a different, more nostalgic time than this one. It was sad in a way. It showed how delirious you were about the current situation you were in. Why couldn’t you just believe it? It was clear that this was going to happen, but you refused it at every turn. You knew the answers to each one of these questions. You wondered if, in a different life, you and Tim would’ve stayed friends. You wondered if maybe things just hadn’t turned out this way. Maybe Jay would still be here, but, yet again, what-ifs don’t solve anything. The trees that you passed only grew thicker as you went further. Tim eventually reached a small gas station in the middle of nowhere with overwhelmingly low prices. Though in the middle of nowhere, it felt so familiar. You weren’t sure how, but this place seemed to strike a nerve. As if it knew more than you did. He got out of the car just as you did. There was no written rule that said you needed to stay inside. Even when it made little sense for you to get out. You sighed in the fresh air as you got that familiar feeling of being watched. And by the look on his face, Tim could tell that something wasn’t right. Yet, neither of you made a move to go investigate. You both stood there, letting the car fill up. You didn’t bother to run, but you also didn’t care enough to go toward it. You both were just sick of it. That buzzing sound in the back of your mind, in particular.

It was still midday, which felt like an odd time for something like this. Something as depressing as this should’ve happened in the rain or maybe at night. But, no it was in the broad daylight. You exhaled as you tried to stay away from Tim. You tried, but you still felt magnetized by and drawn toward him. He felt safe. He made everything mentally okay, even when he wasn't.  He didn’t seem to care enough to comment on your closeness as he finished up his car. He made sure to take his time with it. It almost seemed as if he too was trying to deny the inevitable. The inevitable of getting back into that car. The car that would lead to each other's end. He stood there for a moment before looking toward you.

"I’m gonna go smoke," he informed you, knowing it wasn’t the best of times but still itching to feed the addiction.

You glanced at him for a moment as he left your side. You decided to follow him, which he took immediate notice of. You could consider this an invasion of his personal space, but you'd never see him again. So, what was the risk? Luckily, he didn’t say anything to you and just let it happen. You followed his anxious frame a little to the side of the gas station. Trees blocked your primary view as he reached into his pocket for a cigarette. You leaned your back against the harsh concrete wall of the station, watching the trees wade in the wind. As you heard the flick of a lighter, you could feel the cold brush against you. You could hear Tim muttering random obscurities under his breath as the number of flicks increased. You turned your head toward him as you watched him aggressively try to get his fix. Though his lighter had been worn out. You felt a smile appear on your face as he looked at you through his frustration. You could tell he processed it for a moment as a pink dusting tinted his face. He looked at you for a moment before you reached into your pocket. You felt your way to the cold metal that was your lighter. You didn’t tend to use it all that much, and you bought it because of Tim. Within one stern flick of your lighter, the flame appeared as he lit his cigarette with no problem. You wondered if this were going to be the last time you’d get to see him like this. Would this be your final memory? You didn't know if you were ready to let him go. You didn't want him to exist only in your memory. You wanted him to be with you. He seemed to take note of your tense posture.

"It’s not all bad." he exhaled smoke as you got it secondhand.

"I don’t want to lose you." you sighed, hesitating for a moment with your words.

If these were the last moments you were going to have with one another, you weren’t going to take them for granted. You were going to tell him straight away, so you wouldn’t be thinking about it every day. Just so you wouldn’t lose sleep. Just to have closure even when you didn’t want it. He stayed quiet for a moment or two before he huffed.

"I’m sorry you feel that way, but this has to happen." he tried to be the voice of reason in a situation that had your heart breaking.

"It doesn’t. You're just trying to run away from something again," you told him, knowing how he could react.

Knowing you didn't want to understand his point of view. Knowing you didn't want him to leave your side. He visibly tensed up for a moment, not expecting that. Though he seemed to understand where your stress was coming from. He knew you didn’t want to lose anyone else, and neither did he. And that was exactly why he was leaving.

"Maybe I am, but we both know what’s going to happen if we stay. We can’t fight it, and I don’t want my last memory of you to be your lifeless body." he coughed on the cigarette smoke momentarily as you huffed it.

You couldn’t care less about the nicotine entering your lungs. You could’ve said something about it, but you didn’t. You didn’t want to. There was no way you were going to tell him off about smoking now. You were in too deep. Though his answer showed just how much he cared about Jay, even when he kept making mistakes.

"It's better that we part ways knowing we're still alive than dying in front of each other. We both don’t need that kind of trauma or at least more of it." He held his cigarette lightly, almost as if to have a moment of silence for someone.

You stood there for a moment, letting the silence sink in. You hated how selfish you felt, but it was the right thing, wasn’t it? But what if he was right? Even if it went against everything. What if he was right? You sharply exhaled. You had your reasons, but you couldn’t just keep him there. You wouldn’t be able to. You wouldn’t be able to convince him, and you knew it deep down. No matter how much you tried to deny it. No matter how hard you tried to deceive yourself, this was it. And you were spending your last moments suffering. You hated the fact that you became so close to him. You hated it. It wasn’t fair, but nothing in life is. Because even knowing you’d lose the people you loved you still choose to. You choose to care even though they will ultimately hurt you more when they leave. You moved slightly closer to Tim, knowing you were going through that right now with him.

"Do you think Jay would have recorded this?" you murmured under your breath as you gazed at the trees.

He seemed caught off guard by your out-of-the-blue questions as he tilted his head slightly. He wore an unreadable expression, but not a depressing one. But one that suggested he found it funny.

"I'm not sure, but probably," he huffed, appearing to relax slightly.

You weren't sure why you were asking about something that didn't matter, but it felt right. It felt sobering to have a peaceful conversation about stupid stuff with Tim rather than sobbing about something in the future. For some reason, you didn't want to think about the future. Maybe something had snapped inside of you, or maybe you'd just given up and didn't want to hurt anymore.

"Do you think in a different reality he would’ve tried finishing that movie instead of this?" you sighed in deep thought about meaningless things.

"Maybe, but I doubt it. Hate to say it, but the actual movie was absolute garbage." Tim looked toward the trees as well, maybe sensing something.

"So, why’d you come back? Why did you try to help finish it?" you looked at him for a moment as he averted your gaze.

"For my friends. For Brian and anyone else, I lost contact with. And I hate to say it, but I missed you." he seemed nervous to admit it but decided to go with the truth.

Knowing this, it was apparent, and you should’ve seen it coming. But you just thought of it otherwise. It was kind of ironic that Tim went after you, and now he’s trying to leave you.

"Same reasons over here." you hoped he understood what you meant, and you were sure he did.

You both stood there for a moment, enjoying each other’s company until a light buzz started to ring in the back of your mind. And you knew what it meant. You knew that it was over. You knew what was going to happen, but you wanted to control for once. You wanted to have a choice for once instead of everything being taken away. Even when your choices were so limited.

"I'm going to stay here," you admitted to Tim.

You weren’t going back in that car with that awkward silence. You wanted it to be a happy memory just like this one, so you opted to just call someone else. He seemed hurt by your words and also felt the urge to argue against them. But he knew what he had chosen, and he couldn’t go back.

"You take care out there," he said, looking at you making eye contact and as you looked back you were hit with a different kind of pain.

He looked like he had so much more to say to you, but chose not to. You both left it on that note, as the static only increased. He had hurried movements as he seemed to worry about you. You dismissed his looks. You remembered watching him get into that car and the way he looked at you for the final time. You remembered the empty feeling in your stomach. From when he left your side to when he left your sight. You let him go. You had to let him go because he was your favorite person and you could only manage to wish the best for him. You wished you could’ve said you went back into his car. You wished you could’ve said you didn’t find his missing poster a week from that day. Though that wouldn’t be true if you did say that. Because you didn’t do that. 

You didn't get back into his car.

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#tim wright x reader #creepypasta x reader #marble hornets x reader #fanfic #fanfiction #tim wright x you #tim wright x y/n #masky x reader #masky x you #masky x y/n #tim wright oneshot #masky oneshot #creepypasta x you #creepypasta x y/n

[neeterloveschenford]

More Thoughts on Tim Bradford

Woo boy! Are we going through it right now fam! I know that there has been a lot of discourse and negativity about Tim breaking up with Lucy last night. And while I truly believe that everyone's thoughts and feelings are valid, I'd like to put mine out there into the void on why I'm going to stand by both my boos even if I feel like the rug got pulled out from under me last night. So here we go......

The thing is, I get where Tim is coming from. Real talk here, my late teens and early twenties I was a mess. While I never went through what Tim went through when he was in the military, I understand that self-loathing he has struggled with for so long. I came from an abusive and neglectful family and still bear those emotional scars. I acted out and rebelled and did things I am not proud of. My family ended up intervening and my aunt and uncle took me to Arkansas to live with them. And then spent over a decade reminding me at every turn how big of a screw up I was. I remember thinking that I would never become a better person and that I was tainted for the rest of my life. Several years after I moved there I decided I wanted to get involved with the girl's ministry at my church and went to my pastor. I told him that despite all of the missteps I had made in the past, I wanted to become more involved with the program and hoped that he could look past the things I had done. My pastor was floored that I thought those things about me. He had actually been thinking about asking me if I was willing to become the director of the program. I had never had anyone make me feel like I was a good person before. It was life-changing. I began to believe that maybe I wasn't an epic failure. I ran that program for two years and during that time I re-connected with my family in Oklahoma. My mother and I had never had a real relationship and after we re-connected she told me she was proud of me. I eventually moved back home and now am quite happy with my life. But it took a really long time and a lot of self-reflection before I got to this point. And honestly I still have my days where I just feel like I'm still that messed up girl. But I have a support system with my mom, my step-dad, and my sisters that reminds me that I am worth it and that I am loved.

So I totally get where Tim is coming from. I don't know how many romantic relationships and friendships I tanked because I thought the other person was too good for me. Tim hates himself for putting his pride in his career first. He believes that his men died because of him. Because he wanted to protect his career and his reputation as a leader. He feels like Lucy is this good and honest person who would never put anyone else at risk to further something as small as a career. I mean she put her own career at risk just to help his. He thinks that her love for him will be her undoing because Tim doesn't believe he is worth the effort. God, it's breaking my heart just thinking about it. Of course, he's wrong. Lucy loves him so much that I think this will almost break her. But he has to realize his own value and worth. He will never get there unless he pushes forward and realizes how much the people in his life love and respect him.

And Lucy's not wrong to be angry at him. He is supposed to be her partner and he is, once again, making all the big decisions in the relationship. He decided that he's not what she needs in her life. While we have seen time after time that he is all that she needs. Tim needs to realize that Lucy's love is different from every other person that has ever loved him. It's unconditional. She doesn't care about his past mistakes. She loves him no matter what and believes he is the best man she knows. I know that one day he's going to have that ah ha moment like I did and see that his past doesn't define his future and he doesn't have to pay for his mistakes for the rest of his life.

Tim also reminds me of two of my all-time favorite characters from the last two fandoms I participated in on Tumblr. Oliver Queen from Arrow and Michael Guerin from Roswell New Mexico. They were both extremely flawed men that finally realized that they deserved their happily ever afters with the loves of their lives. But the people they loved helped them realize just how precious their lives really were. And guess what? Both Oliver and Felicity and Michael and Alex broke up. But they found their way back to each other and got their happily ever afters. So don't give up the faith my friends. Chenford is going to find their way back to each other. I refuse to believe they are any thing other than endgame.

#chenford #the rookie #tim bradford #lucy chen #olicity #malex #i love them your honor #it's only my opinion