#towwing

[jondrettegirls]

[ID: A page of a play. It reads as follows, "Theseus: Stop. Give me your hand. I am your friend. / Herakles: I fear to stain your clothes with blood. / Theseus: Stain them, I don't care." End text.]

Herakles - Euripides (Tr. Anne Carson)

#on my own. #sorry the formatting on this is weird theres a page break bleh #anne carson #euripides #quotes #herakles #theseus #herakles&theseus #i just thought ab this play again and god… like a little boat being towed along by a big boat…… #quoteblr #wordblr #euripides was rlly into this huh. w/ orestes & pylades ‘not to me not if its you’ like. he was rlly into this specific dynamic

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[tow-bees]

Fishing trip with death god/dad and death god/dad’s usurper/new death god after being imprisoned for like a thousand years in the land of the dead or something

#cotl #cult of the lamb #cotl lamb #cotl narinder #cotl tows #cotl aym #cotl Baal #idk what possessed me to draw this but now you must set your gaze upon it #I suppose I just really wanted to draw narinder looking dorky as fuck #he deserves socks with sandals

[pinkgibbon]

anton chigurh goes to stardew valley

#every1 in the notes asking me why I made this 🙄 art isn’t about why! it’s about why not! why don’t you marry safe art if you love it so much #i got a better shirt for him eventually but i dont have a pic of it #roleplaying as him was the only way i was finally able to bring myself to do joja route #no country for old men #stardew valley #i like to think of him as being magically stuck there for an indeterminate amount of time and trying to survive w/o murdering the whole tow #anton chigurh #marnie stardew valley #i better not see ANY marnie slander!!! #how do u tag them #stardew valley marnie #sdv marnie #morris stardew valley #sdv morris #stardew valley morris #i was not gonna romance anyone obviously but i really enjoyed drawing that pic of him w morris so i got the marry morris mod and it is so #goddamn funny. just the idea of. anton chigurh x morris. me and friends r having the time of our life with it. i even made fanart. #which i may post later if i feel like it #my art #fanart #ncfom

[catsofyore]

Look at this glorious snow cloud. A superb vintage postcard that a wonderful bluesky follower mailed to me from Sweden!

#cat #cats #catsofyore #cats of yore #tow beans snow beans

[yrsonpurpose]

Thinking about history makes me wonder how I’ll fit into it one day, I guess. And you too. I kinda wish people still wrote like that. History, huh? Bet we could make some.

#rwrb #rwrbedit #red white and royal blue #alex x henry #firstprince #userninz #userveronika #chrissiewatts #usersteen #usernuria #userclara #usermegsb #mine* #thanks for the request anon :) #thought this had been done but mayyhaps not #they really did change lives at that wedding but not in the way henry expected akfjfkf #the last one is such power couple vibes and they Know It #this made me kind of emo thinking of how tentative the start of their relationship was #like towing that very fine line

[eastgaysian]

idont care if your durge was having crazy eroguro sex with gorty can you get them to put some pants on and tell me about their sibling relationship with orin. please.

#i think you should be able to recruit orin she doesnt reform in any meaningful way #she just lives at your camp and has decided to kill the people you point her at now #and she still eats people or whatever like let a girl live a little. #dak-wai shows up back at camp looking like they got mauled with orin in tow (did the mauling) #and is just like. hey. we're good. and responds to any further questions with It's fine. We're good. #she just needed to evil stim stab them a couple times and they resolved everything. it's fine. #balls your gay 3

[tortoisequeef1999]

can i request a drawing of spongebob and mater interacting if thats okay ^_^

AHH YES!!!!!

i think theyd be good friends who gojellyfishing togethe.....

#spongebob #sbsp #tow mater #pixar cars #art request

[stickers95]

this is literally THE funniest scene in any of the Cars movies it just takes me out every single time

#what😨 #AND MATERS LIL NOD #so good #cars 2006 #cars fandom #lightning mcqueen #tow mater #mater #pixar cars

[madfantasy]

The Tale of Cats & Snakes

From the first day he worked as a teacher until he quit, baby teacher

28.5.2023 , support Mani

#my art #severus snape #minerva mcgonagall #character design #artists on tumblr #drawing #so many ideas of the tow idk if its senseless #but was thinking how she helped him nd him basically being the baby teacher amongst them seniors #rumours of being death eater when he started- nd no one taking him seriously cuz hes baby #etc

[k-wame]

Maxwell Caulfield as Roy Alston & Charlie Sheen as Bo Richards The Boys Next Door (1985) · Horror · Crime · dir. Penelope Spheeris

#WHY DON'T I EVER SEE THIS FILM ON ANY QUEER HORROR/CRIME LISTS??? #but this is a deeply closeted teen who decides to punish a world not built for him with his straight crush in tow #it's gay teen angst with killer 80s aesthetics that challenges 1980's 'cruising' #filmedit #horroredit #charlie sheen #maxwell caulfield #the boys next door #the boys next door 1985 #film #movie #1980s #penelope spheeris #homoeroticism #queer #lgbt #queer horror #queer media

[dykealloy]

love how "I ran into luffy" qualifies as a reasonable explanation for why zoro derailed the whole plan. like law really went straight from seething rage to: mugiwara-ya? okay. understandable. I know what you're like around him. god. okay. my life is going to descend into chaos again. probably for the better. I'm not going to enjoy it.

#that time luffy carried law across dressrosa with zoro in tow was really eye-opening for law. in a lot of ways #one piece #op #CJ's op watch-through #wano spoilers #trafalgar law #zolu #roronoa zoro #monkey d. luffy #lawlu #zolawlu #op meta

[tobiasrieper]

I know my g-valves from my catalyzers, and I can keep your ship singing.

#the outer worlds #parvati holcomb #gamingedit #towedit #not totally feeling the text but i also wasn't sure if it felt too empty without it #tow

[iquincey]

#surfing #tow in #surf life

[rosenfey]

the outer worlds scenery [4/?] — B O T A N I C A L • L A B S

#the outer worlds #tow #towedit #gamingedit #obsidian #*fae creations #*fae.gif #*tow #hewwo i am back in space #the remaster of this game is just so *chefs kiss* #i take games and put them through a pastel pink filter to make them look like a whimsical painting

[hellenhighwater]

the only--the ONLY!--thing I had on my to do list for today was work on any of the commissioned paintings that I need to get done. That was it!

So instead I've sculpted a bunch of clay leaves to make into a mobile, gave a kitten a bath, rearranged the sunroom and repotted a few plants, watered my tomatoes, got some eggs from the doves, read a book, did some laundry, made a book press, made a video about making a book press, bought a detail sander and halloween candy, taught Vice to do a double high five, accidentally melted my gardening gloves, went to the animal shelter, and forgot to eat for the entire day.

So I'm pleased to announce that all executives are functioning at 0% capacity, as per normal.

#time to make some spaghetti #im so close to getting the watercolor painting done #and I neeeeeeed to start my acrylic paintings #i have two personal project paintings that I want to do and two must-do commissions that I need to do #and no headway! #a very productive unproductive day #yesterday we went to my brothers house and were going to pull out the enormous overgrown bushes that were completely blocking #his front window #and instead we snapped both tow hooks on the front of the truck #which really goes to show you shouldnt underestimate a shrub