#tw longpost

[pinkeoni]

More Willel Mirroring: Textual vs. Subtextual Abuse

So not only do Will and El's mirrored storylines reveal ideas about sexuality, but they also present an interesting narrative about the different facets of child abuse.

Also, for this post I think I want to just want to focus on season one. There is absolutely subtext for abuse across the other seasons, but since the first season was written to hold on its own, it does create an interesting self contained story about child abuse.

TW for discussion of child abuse

This time around I am probably going to be focusing on Will more than El, because Will's abuse lies more in subtext whereas El lies more on the surface. And there are layers of metaphor and subtext for both instances, which I touch on in my sexuality longpost, although it is much easier to point to El's story and say "she is being abused." After all, this is what happens in the show as well.

The age and lived experiences of the characters does impact their perception, however.

An adult like Benny is able to look at El and understand that she's likely been abused, but young boys like the party who don't know any better think she's crazy. Regardless, it's obvious with El, a little girl with a shaved head who doesn't say much with no sense of privacy that something is wrong with her.

I think that Will and El's storylines are meant to represent invisible versus visible abuse, thus El's abuse is textual while Will's abuse storyline is subtextual. With El, it's hard for her to hide her abuse. As for Will, it's much more concealed. In Jonathan's words—

"He's good at hiding."

The inclusion of this line is part of what points towards Will's abuse. It postulates a couple of questions— why is Will good at hiding and what was he hiding from? Furthermore, I think this line plays into the idea of Will's abuse being hidden. You can't tell just by looking at him that he's been abused, at least from what we see of him in the show. And when you look at his story from a surface level, you may not catch on to this.

Gleaning subtext from Will's flashbacks

El and Will are the two characters that we get flashbacks for, and for both we see what their differing home lives are like. El is being treated like a weapon in the lab by Papa, and Will shares some wholesome moments with Joyce and Jonathan.

Because Will is not presently on screen for much of season one, so a lot of his characterization has to be delivered through flashbacks. Within these flashbacks, there is a lot that can be gleaned from just below the surface that points toward Will being abused.

Lonnie may not be on screen for any of these flashbacks. But if you look closely, his presence is definitely felt.

Flashback #1) Castle Byers

First off, Castle Byers itself— the fact that it exists, and the fact that it's so far away from the Byers' house.

We aren't given an exact location for Castle Byers, other than it's in the woods behind their house. But it's not in their backyard, that's for sure. We also get a comment about Castle Byers from Jonathan later in the season, stating that it's his hiding spot. Why would Will need a safe space and hiding spot outside of his home?

Furthermore, Castle Byers is password protected, with a big sign in the front that reads ALL FRIENDS WELCOME in big letters. Is it not hard for one to infer that Castle Byers is meant to keep something out? Something not a friend?

More from this flashback, we know that Will used to be scared often to the point of having nightmares for a week.

"Anymore" implying that he did used to get scared in the past tense. Had Will just said "I don't get scared like that." it would have a different meaning. The "anymore" is an important inclusion. Will used to be very scared of something when he was younger, but not anymore.

Flashback #2) Should I Stay or Should I Go

The second flashback mentions Lonnie more explicitly, when we hear Joyce arguing with him over the phone over not showing for visitation. Perhaps the mention of him here is meant to subconsciously tie him to the other flashbacks?

This flashback also provides heavy subtext surrounding Will's sexuality, using this line from Jonathan.

I think it’s very likely that Lonnie was abusing Will because of his sexuality. We already have confirmation that he was verbally bullying him for it from Joyce.

Flashback #3) Will the Wise

Will the Wise was introduced in the first scene of the show, but this moment shows that Will the Wise is more than just a DnD character to Will. He’s something he goes to in search of comfort.

In this moment where Will is drawing him, we see that Will seems a little somber. Drawing can be fun, but it’s also a tool that Will can use to express his emotions, both good and bad. More specifically, Will the Wise is fighting bad guys.

Could these bad guys just be referring to Troy and his gang? Or someone else?

The thing about all three of these flashbacks is that they sneakily hide their subtext behind more pertinent pieces of information.

We are introduced to Castle Byers which becomes an important set piece. We are also shown that Will has a safe space outside of his home and used to get nightmares.

We are introduced to Jonathan’s distaste of Lonnie and also given clues about Will’s sexuality.

Will’s drawing becomes a plot point later (used to discern El from Will) but we are also shown that Will’s has a persona which he uses to fight “bad guys.”

The Upside Down as Subtext

Here's the main point I wanna make that took too long to get to, the Upside Down is used to deliver subtext about Will's past abuse.

But isn't Will being actually being tormented by Vecna in the Upside Down? Well I think it's both. Yes Will is literally being hunted by Vecna, and at the same time it's metaphorical for Will's abuse by Lonnie. Some things have a dual-purpose.

We know that the Upside Down is a dark mirror of Hawkins. For most of his time there, at least from what we see, he stays in or around his home.

Will is, quite literally, in danger inside of his own home.

Here.

R-I-G-H-T H-E-R-E. Right here.

My most solid piece of evidence that backs this is this moment where Will tells Joyce "Mom, it's coming!" and the following Byers House scene we see is Lonnie pulling up to the house.

Additionally, we do not see any attempts from Will to contact Joyce while Lonnie is there, along with Lonnie hammering over the hole in the wall and taking down the lights he was using to communicate. Lonnie's presence literally silences him.

Does Joyce know?

Joyce's comments in the sheriff's office suggests that she is aware of Lonnie's homophobic bullying, I think that just like the Upside Down, the extent of Lonnie's abuse is something that she doesn't fully understand. But she does want to.

Understanding does require communication from Will. And unfortunately for Joyce—

—he's good at hiding.

Evidence from future seasons does lead me to believe that Will forgot some of these traumatic memories, although if I were looking at season one on it's own, I would say that Will is hiding his past abuse.

If anything, Will was likely hiding this abuse as it was happening.

#shorter than a usual longpost cause ive touched on some similar points in other posts and felt like i needed less to get my main point acros #willel #will byers #el hopper #lonnie byers #tw lonnie byers #tw child abuse #longpost #ik that this is mostly stuff ive said before but listen. the will byers hyperfixation never dies. #i cant rest until ive covered every single little part of his life. okay

[thankstothe]

when she brings up freud on the first date

#house md #gregory house #alison cameron #screencap #s01e20 “Love Hurts” #this arc gets better on rewatch honestly #yeah you go girl blackmail house into the most underwhelming date of your life. no need for karma you did it to yourself #im rooting for your contribution to the international struggle of fucking that old man #(ok hes not that old - hes oldER that her - the point stands) #that cute high quality cringe #anyway if she's wilson's parallel narratively then she underleveled to face not parallel house sorry #and parallels do not cross hello #tho its interesting to think about #if you think about it there's cuddy shaped hole in s8 and similarly there's cameron shaped holes all around the series #longpost #tw freud #long post

[autisticlancemcclain]

The night his parents died was far to beautiful to host such a tragedy.

It hadn’t been muggy, for the first time in weeks. A cool breeze had gently rattled his mother’s windchimes hanging from the front porch, rustling the light curtains pulled aside from the windows. The air had smelt sweet, and the clouds had been deep and colourful; the beauty of the moments before sunset.

He remembers his mother had looked so excited. The bags under her eyes — permanent residents for as long as he could remember — seemed lighter, somehow; maybe because of the wideness of her smile. She had her favourite dress on, the purple one with pockets.

He remembers his father a little less clearly, but sees him in his mind’s eye all the same. He’d had his beard trimmed, for the first time in a while. He was wearing his favourite bright orange Hawaiian shirt, which clashed with his mother’s dress so horribly it had made Rachel wince, but they looked so happy. So light, like the weight that had been crushing them — slowly, steadily, over the years — had lifted.

“What movie are you going to see?” he’d asked.

His mother had laughed, brightly and airily.

“Oh, who knows,” she’d said. “Whatever’s there.”

He and Veronica had exchanged a smile. He was happy for them. It’d been a while, since they’d gone out and done something just for them, just because they could. Because there was time, finally.

“We’ll be home in a couple hours,” his father had said, “no later than midnight. Lancito has a bottle ready in the fridge, it just needs to be heated a little. Remember, test —”

“Test it on your wrist, yes, yes, we know.” Rachel hadn’t even looked up from where she was running careful, careful fingers over baby Lance’s face. Caressing him, really. Baby Lance was staring at her just as intensely, making quiet little mumbling noises as his tiny fists clenched onto her fingers.

(Rachel’s closeness with Lance was a bit of a shock, to everyone. She had been the baby of the family for fourteen years until Lance came along, so there’d been some… concern. Would Rachel struggle with the new dynamic? Would she have trouble bonding with the new baby?

She had just been so… blank, when Mamá and Papá had sat them at the dinner table, sheepishly handing them ultrasound photos. She’d never seemed excited to shop for baby clothes, or build the crib, or touch Mamá’s growing belly. Never negative, of course not, but nothing passed neutral. Everyone had been a little nervous.

But the concern had been unfounded. The second Rachel had held newborn baby Lance in her arms for the first time, dark brown eyes meeting dark brown eyes, she’d sighed, this sound of total awe, as if it had been punched out of her. She’d hunched over him, protectively, pressing the gentlest of kisses to his head.

She held him as often as she could. She loved that baby. Mamá liked to joke that Rachel held that baby more often than she did.)

“Is Marco practicing?” Papá has asked, just as quiet violin started swaying with the wind blowing through the windows.

Mamá had smiled, turning soft eyes to the staircase.

“We shouldn’t interrupt him,” she’d said. “Maybe we’ll just go.”

“No, you should say goodbye. He might be all grouchy, if you don’t. Accuse you of playing favourites.”

Luis didn’t know why he said it, then, but he’s glad he did. He’s glad Mamá had laughed, running up to staircase with Papá to say goodbye to him, too.

They’d left, then, dancing out the door and blowing kisses behind them. Papá’s shitty Corolla revved a couple minutes later, squeaky brakes detailing his careful reversing out of the driveway.

Luis doesn’t remember the next couple hours. Everything’s a little hazy, in his mind, nothing concrete — it had been such a normal night, then, his brain had not thought to carefully preserve every moment. To detail every second, of the night that changed his life.

There’s so much he doesn’t remember.

He remembered Marco coming down to join everyone, at one point, practice over for the night. They watched a movie, although he can’t remember which one. Maybe Rachel remembers.

He knows Lance fell asleep, snuggled in Rachel’s arms, after she’d carefully given him his bottle. He remembers asking her if she’d like to set him down upstairs, give her arms a break, and she’d looked almost offended.

“Set him down,” she’d asked, “why would I do that? He’s fine, anyway. He’s a good sleeper.”

More of the night passed, things blurring in his memory.

He does remember baby Lance wrenching himself awake and positively screaming.

Rachel had startled, terrified she’d somehow hurt him.

“Is he okay?” she’d panicked, wide eyes watching Luis as he scooped him from her arms.

“His diaper’s chill clean, and he just ate —” Luis checked the clock. 10:48, it’d read. The numbers burned in his memory — “three hours ago. He shouldn’t be hungry.”

“Maybe he’s just bored?” Veronica had suggested.

Marco glanced at Lance warily. “He doesn’t sound bored.”

“No, he doesn’t,” Luis had agreed, rocking Lance gently.

“Hey, hey, mijo,” he’d cooed, “it’s okay. It’s okay. Mamá will be home soon.”

He’d wailed harder at the sound of her name, cries reverberating the walls and shaking the foundations of the house. Luis bit his lip. Lance was a quiet baby, and usually a happy baby. He’d never screamed like this before.

“What’s wrong, Lancito?”

He remembers that Lance had never stopped wailing. He remembers that Luis had tried calming him for almost a half hour before Veronica tried, thinking she might feel closer to Mamá, but it hadn’t worked. He remembers they’d tried feeding him, but he wouldn’t latch. They’d changed him, swaddled him, they’d even tried a warm bath.

Nothing.

“He’s gonna make himself bleed,” Rachel had sniffled, her own eyes wet. Lance had screamed himself hoarse, at this point, soundless, but his little body tensed with the effort of each wail.

“Neither of them is answering,” Marco had said, slamming the phone back down on the receiver. “I’ve been trying for fifteen minutes. Nothing.”

Luis turned tired eyes to the oven’s clock. 11:36.

“The movie theatre closed six minutes ago,” Veronica had whispered.

Luis had never felt more like the oldest sibling in his life. Holding his sobbing baby brother, unable to comfort him, with the rest of his siblings staring at him with scared, tired eyes, and he had no answers.

“I don’t know what to do,” he’d admitted, because it had seemed better than lying.

It had not helped.

He remembers that they’d sat there, watching the clock tick, Lance’s screams still echoing through the house, for 24 minutes.

“Something’s wrong,” Rachel had whispered, right as the clock struck 12. They’d all known it, but there was something about her saying it, making it permanent. Making it true.

The phone had rang, at 12:49 in the morning. Veronica had Lance, then, so Luis had been able to answer it.

He remembers that he didn’t want to. He remembers feeling dread.

“Hello,” he’d croaked. He hadn’t spoken in hours.

“Hi, is this Luis McClain?”

“Speaking.”

“I am so sorry, Mr. McClain. I have some unfortunate news.”

Luis hadn’t needed her to continue. He knew, deep in his chest, what she was going to say. He let her continue anyway.

“Your parents were involved in a car accident earlier this evening. They died on impact. They were just now ID’d. You are listed as their next of kin. I’m so sorry.”

He had known it. He had. But hearing the words punched the air out of him, stole the breath from his lungs. He heard Rachel sob, saw Marco press her to his chest. Saw a single tear drip down Veronica’s face, landing in a splatter on Lance’s head. Lance made a noise from his wrecked throat for the first time in hours, a warbled sob that seemed to take up all the air in the kitchen.

Luis dropped the phone, and it hung down from the counter, bouncing on the coiled wire. The woman called for him, several times, her tinny voice needling his ears. It took him several minutes to force his limbs into movements, pick the phone back up.

“W — what do I need to do?”

“…There’s an officer and a social worker here with me at the hospital. There are some affairs that need to be addressed. We need you to come here as soon as possible.”

“I have my siblings, with me. I can’t leave them alone.“

“You can bring them, if they can come.”

“Yeah. Okay.”

He remembers that he didn’t bother to say goodbye. Just hung up.

“We have to go to the hospital,” he’d announced. He remembers that he hadn’t cried, yet. He remembers that right then he was just thinking about the next step.

“Okay, let’s go, kiddos,” Veronica had said. She’d herded Marco and Rachel to the car and buckled a still-crying Lance into his carseat, while Luis dug around for the minivan keys. He remembers that no one had sat in the front with him; Marco sitting with a desolate Rachel, and Veronica still desperately trying to soothe Lance.

He doesn’t remember the drive to the hospital. He doesn’t even remember the walk to the morgue. He barely remembers being led by a man, taller than him, to see his parents one last time.

(It’s hard to forget the faces of his parents, so drained from blood they were grey, except for the red splatters on their faces. The strange shape of his father’s face where his skull cracked on the steering wheel because of an airbag that didn’t work. The squished mess of his mother’s regal nose.

He wishes he could forget. He’s glad he didn’t let anyone else see.)

He had walked back to where everyone else was waiting, numb. He remembers that the social worker promised to come talk with him tomorrow, help make plans for a funeral and look at the wills and final wishes. He remembers wondering why it mattered. He remembers being informed that the time of death was 10:48. He remembers looking at Lance, baby Lance, who had finally passed out, little face red and streaked with tears, and wondered how the hell he had known. Had he felt it? A cosmic change, shift in the universe? How had this little baby known the second he had lost his parents? Because there’d been no other way to explain it, the endless wailing. The grief, he’d somehow experienced.

He had herded everyone back to the minivan, paying the $25 damned dollars for parking. He remembers that Veronica had sat in the front, this time. Rachel had fallen asleep, on the way home, head resting on Marco’s shoulder. Marco had spent the entire ride staring blankly ahead.

Luis remembers rolling down the window, the warm, summer-night breeze ruffling his hair.

It really had been such a beautiful night.

———

next chapter

#i’m so sorry. it gets worse #vld #voltron #luis mcclain #veronica mcclain #marco mcclain #rachel mcclain #lance #lance mcclain #baby lance #lance’s mother #lance’s father #lance’s family #my writing #fic #longpost #brown-eyed lance #tw car crash #tw death #langst

[nukerooster]

a rough, messy thing that didn't get as far as I'd of liked bc time and once I got so far into the pages and saw all the ridiculous wonked out anatomy mistakes I lost motivation to do any more. Comics, even silly sketchy ones like these, are hard for me. It started out sketchier and just progressed into a more contrasted mess but still a mess no matter how I want to look at it. It was meant to be a fun thing following the idea of 'what if Kraus was zipzapped into an Arch, how would he react? How would he change? What would he do? What would his right hand man, Liam, do? It's a whole can of worms and I ripped the lid off. And now it's part of my AU pile and canon. Despite me stopping the pages, I love the idea and have spent an awful lot of time deepthinking, sketching, and exploring ArchKraus. His design here is inconsistent(as it was a very new thing at the time) but I kinda felt around as the pages progressed and now have a generally good idea of what he's like. Maybe someday I'll actually rise to the challenge of creating a short comic, but for now my busy busted brain can't handle much more than it already is.

If you're unable to discern who characters are, that's no fault of anyone's but mine lmao. Aside from sharing sparsely here, I tend to dump silly sketches and run so the who's who and what's what is all but lost sometimes. The only two mains here are Liam (Read with a soft and lightweight Glaswegian based Scottish accent, he's lost some of his accent due to being around folks that don't have his own accent for decades), and Kraus (Think Ralph Ineson without the English accent, a more assertive gruff, almost snarly, Kraus is big, he's 'mean', and he knows it.)

#longpost #long post #text heavy #text #sketches #kraus #liam #character interaction #kit #tw: blood #arch

[wife-leaver]

#longpost #long post #I drink your blood 1970 #grindhouse #blood tw #david durston #my caps

[icedmetaltea]

Why do you like yandere stuff so much? No judgement, I'm just wondering cause I noticed a lot of people like it and I just can't wrap my head around it, so I wanted to ask a few people who enjoy it

WELL it's a bit of a loaded answer... I obvs can't answer for everyone, so this is just my personal take:

(pretty long and also just ioewjgfuireuiver kinda emBARRASSING so ima put it under here)

A bitch be lonely. I think that's the most common thing that draws people to the trope. Like, if you're someone who grew up without friends like me, the idea of being solely idolized by someone, like given their complete attention is just rlly appealing to me. To be loved, to be wanted, to be worshiped no matter how much your brain has convinced you that you're not worthy of love is just *chef's kiss*

The attention. This is kinda the same as the first answer but for me a big thing I love in the trope is when I- or well y/n, more correctly- gets praised a lot and treated like they're the most important thing in the world. I already have awful self-esteem so I like being told I'm perfect and wonderful as I am (TヘT) I think most people also have this mindset.

Being taken care of completely. No more worries about bills, food, shelter, etc... cause it's all taken care of for you (whether u like it or not so you don't have to feel guilty about it lol)

The whole power dynamic. I don't rlly have a sub/dom kink or at least not the mainstream kind (?) but I do enjoy the idea of being able to let go and just be myself without having to worry about judgement or societal norms- because, well, said character has already broken out of what's considered acceptable by kidnapping you or whatever so we're already past that lol.

Kinda adding onto that, being able to be flawed without, again, worrying about putting someone off. You can be ugly, socially inept, talentless, fuckin' stupid, whatever, and it's all okay. You don't have to fit in with anything society deems attractive- said character is flawed enough themselves to find you perfect.

The danger aspect. I love horror in general, so it's kind of like that for me. I have severe anxiety so being able to just feel scared for a while can be incredibly cathartic for me.

The "reframing" thing. In case you haven't noticed, yandere stuff for me tends to be pretty light-hearted. While I'm totally cool with people enjoying yandere stuff with tons of blood/violence/etc, I usually go for "softer" stuff, like stalking, kidnapping, etc. In a way, I'm taking something that makes me feel helpless and scared and making it something that brings me an odd sort of comfort. I suppose this is a way I can cope with anxiety- by taking some form of fear, like how I often feel helpless and trapped during panic attacks, and putting it in the context of when I'm helpless and trapped but in the arms of someone who wants nothing more than to protect me and would literally crush anyone/anything that tried to hurt me aaaAAA ❤️

The fact that it it's fiction! Fiction is a beautiful thing, where you can tackle potentially traumatic things without irl consequences. Would I want anything like this irl? NO!! Stalking/kidnapping/what have you is absolutely vile if it takes place in real life. Even stuff like be very controlling of a partner (unless you have their complete consent and have talked this stuff out ahead of time/have a safe word and all) is entirely unhealthy and toxic. In fiction?? Go for it. It can also be a great way to cope with intrusive thoughts if you suffer from those as well.

That being said, it's absolutely not for everyone, and I imagine most people would find the trope to be disgusting and horrific- and that is completely understandable and okay! It's up to people (who I'm assuming and HOPING are 18+ bc if you're a minor it can be way harder to distinguish reality from fiction and lead an immature person to believe any of these traits like being controlling/ultra possessive are okay irl and maybe even encourage them to seek out abusive relationships/yandere stuff tends to be thrown in with stuff like violence, sexuality, really disturbing stuff in general, etc so when I say all these things, it's coming from my ADULT perspective) to be discerning of what they can handle both mentally and emotionally. If it leaves you feeling gross, creeped out, or disturbed in some way, stop and avoid it.

Alright, sorry for the ramble! As you can tell I'm pretty passionate about it. I hope that answered your question somewhat! ✨

#Answer tag #Metaltea Talks #yandere #tw yandere #nsft #tw nsft #just in case #kink mention #tw kink mention #Metaltea rambles #longpost #*gives anon a cup of huckleberry tea*

[kyra45]

waterarchon scam post archive

Then a comment:

Don’t donate to them their scamming. Below is the source where I’ve left the owners name uncensored as the scammer likely copied it to look more legitimate. The post is not on the owners profile so it could only have been took from the private group.

The real owners email is different but as it’s not publicly posted I will not show it.

#scam #waterarchon #tw animal illness #Keys scam archiving posts #longpost #long post

[ghost-on-a-string]

finally

the (semi) long awaited hux longpost! before i get into any of it though, some disclaimers:

1. i have never read the star wars comics and honestly i never will. i like star wars enough to watch clone wars and suffer through the sequel films. that's it.

2. i will not be giving all my thoughts on hux as a character because then i can make more posts and i like when the numbers go up

3. as i said, i have not read the comics. i honestly only half watched rise of skywalker. this won't be super accurate to the star wars lore or anything like that, this is for fun

4. on that note, while this isn't going to be super serious, there are still heavy and sensitive topics, primarily child abuse and neglect, so if those things bother you, please sit this out

actual longpost/shitty character analysis below the cut

how does one start with a character like hux? despite how little screen time he actually gets in the movies, he's incredibly complex, even before you get into the comics. there's a lot to be said about him, even if you only have context from the movies. and while i could (and probably will) make a separate longpost about how last jedi not only fucked the entire trilogy over, but specifically ruined the character of hux by making a genuine threat into a joke within the first 15 minutes, not today my friends.

i will mostly be focusing on hux in the force awakens, using things from the rise of skywalker and what little i know about his backstory in the comics.

1st it must be stated: i do not like any of the other characters in the squeal trilogy. i don't hate most of them, but i either don't have an opinion on them (finn, rose, bb8 kind of, maaz, kylo to an extent), or i genuinely hate the character entirely (rey, she'll get a longpost later). a lot of it is because most of these characters don't have a lot of personality, which is a problem the sequel trilogy has as a whole. even returning characters are bland or weirdly mean

yes, you can argue that hux doesn't really have a personality either. however, compared to others characters (cough cough rey), he is dripping with personality, if you look a little closer. the first example that comes to mind is the speech scene. when he yells, there is genuine malace, hatred and fury in his voice. he isnt just yelling to be loud, he's yelling because he demands respect, terror and power.

it makes sense why he would want those things, especially when you look at his background in the comics. hux is a bastard child, his father was abusive and neglectful. he probably grew up feeling in adequate and out of control. he grew up in terror, so he is going to inflict that terror on others.

(i also want it to be known, i don't think hux is a good person. he's sympathetic, and with his backstory you can understand why he did what he did, but he also literally blew up several planets so. a little different.)

even in his smaller interactions, he seems stiff. while part of that is probably because no one had any personality, part of it could be purposeful. hux is a character desperately grasping for respect and control. he's stiff because then he can control how the conversations he has go. he's cold and confident because people respect those with plans who present those plans calmly. in tros, hux says "i don't care who wins. i just need kylo ren to lose." he's more focused on the way those around him look. because if they look bad, he looks better, he looks more confident, more in control. even after he's dead, he needs to be respected, feared, whatever. he can't let himself be seen as anything other than entirety perfect.

hux doesn't have a personality, because he can't let himself have anything other than utter perfection. he would rather be feared, loathed and respected than simply appreciated and forgotten.

#general hux #armitage hux #hux #star wars #longpost #character analysis #tw abuse #tw neglect #i told you it would be here #let me know which rant i should do next #how to fix what they did to hux #or #why i fucking hate rey as a protagonist #nic rambles

[knightfeared]

𝐉𝐀𝐘𝐂𝐄 𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐒 [ ; ] 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘

MBTI ( … ) ENFJ

◈ These types seek continuity through harmonious relationships & collective values. They excel at picking up on the tone of a situation & acting accordingly, adding warmth to a cool setting or turning sour into sweet. They naturally seek to know what people do well / what they enjoy & where / how they work. They seem to have an infinite number of acquaintances from all walks of life & are always on the lookout for people in need & those who can help out. Weaving & strengthening the collective fabric of social conventions / interactions. Inclusiveness is important & they are particularly sensitive to those who are excluded.

◈ They focus on others, feeling a glow when those around them are happy & troubled when something is amiss. They are natural cheerleaders, often expressing support, gratitude & encouragement & heaping praise onto those they appreciate. They take note of what is being done & what needs doing, offering their assistance wherever necessary.

◈ Enjoys organizing group activities & tend to take their commitments seriously. In general, they are reliable & do not like to disappoint others. As team players & project leaders, they have a gift for rallying their players, focusing on what is being done right & each member's strengths. They’re loyal & expect loyalty. Can also carry conversations well, finding common ground with their speaker. They tend to find the correct & gracious way to respond in any given situation, no matter how tense or uncomfortable it is.

◈ May uphold a wide range of values, simply because shared values are what create harmony. Some will profess the importance of tough-minded logic, justice & scholarly debate because their environments have these shared values. They tend to adopt the collective values of those in their social group.

ENNEAGRAM ( … ) Type 2 [ ; ] THE CONSIDERATE HELPER

◈ Enneagram Twos have a motivational need to be liked & appreciated.  Twos value relationships & as a result kindness, generosity & self-sacrifice are important to them. Twos strive to make the world a more loving place, primarily by offering support & attention to those they care about. At their best, Twos are unconditionally supportive, able to practise self-care & offer the gift of humility to themselves & the world around them. Less-healthy Twos may seem flattering & manipulative as they 'give to get', motivated by a deep belief that they don't deserve to be loved for who they are.

❏ PEOPLE-CENTERED: Two's focus on building relationships that will impact positively on their capacity to step into roles where client & people relationships matter. ❏ SACRIFICING: To support and be there for others, Twos will put their own needs & feelings on the backburner. ❏ PRAISING: Being around complimentary, supportive Twos can make people feel very special, giving them a confidence boost. ❏ WARM: Their demonstrative & warm nature makes it easy for others to connect with Twos & they are generally very likeable. ❏ GIVING: Twos are caring & have the capacity to anticipate the needs of others, generously giving of themselves to others.

TEMPERAMENTS ( … ) SANGUINE

◈ Characterized by a cheerful disposition, lively energy & a generally positive & optimistic outlook on life. They tend to be highly social, extroverted & enthusiastic, often possessing a contagious sense of humor that makes them the life of the party. They are usually creative, imaginative & tend to be very entertaining.

◈ Spontaneous, they can be seen as impulsive at times. They have a tendency to live in the moment, which often leads to them being adaptable & flexible in different situations. Though more interested in the present than in future plans or consequences. This trait, however, can also lead to difficulty in maintaining focus, staying organized & following through on tasks.

◈ Often charismatic & are able to influence & inspire others with their vibrant energy & contagious enthusiasm. Their natural ability to create & maintain relationships often leads to a large network of friends & acquaintances.

◈ On the flip side, the sanguine temperament may lack depth in the analysis of situations & can sometimes take things too lightly, even when seriousness is required. This can lead to a tendency towards forgetfulness & disorganization. Their desire for social acceptance & fear of rejection can also make them overly sensitive to criticism.

◈ Overall, these individuals are warm-hearted, buoyant & carefree, bringing lightness & joy to their environments & interactions. Despite their potential challenges, they have a unique ability to rebound from disappointments with their resilient optimism.

CHARACTER COLOUR ( … ) YELLOW

A: A living bundle of sunshine. Bringing a tangible joy & spirit to brighten up every room walked into, the kindness expressed inspires everyone who knows them. They may come off as naive, but they know exactly what they’re doing & how to help those cared about. Needs a firm reminder to let others help from time to time, their selfless nature is powerful, but may hurt them if they can't learn to accept help.

◈ Yellow is often considered the brightest & most energizing of the warm colors. Some positive emotions associated with yellow include happiness, excitement, originality, enthusiasm, confidence, hope & creativity. Negative feelings connected to yellow are cowardice, illness, caution, betrayal, egotism & anxiety

#╰┈➤ ┊❛ CASE STUDY. / CHARACTER ANALYSIS. ❜┊ #╰┈➤ ┊❛ HEADCANONS. ❜┊ #MUSE: [ JAYCE TALIS. ] #Longpost tw #BITING THINGS BITING THINGS BITING THINGS—-

[gainprincess]

"H-Has anyone seen Melt lately...? I've been looking for her all week..."

Well, she hasn't, really...She had an agent out searching for her.

What's that look for?! She can have agents! She's a major player here, you know! She has a ninja that works for her!

"PassioOoNlip-dono...I have retuRRrRnEd."

The robotic voice of Kashin Koji precludes the doll's presence, the woman dropping in out of nowhere as her spider-like metal tendrils clank on the floor to hold her in place. Her body's not all that anymore, and she sounds more like Siri than the master of illusions he was in life.

"W-Welcome back, Koji! What did you learn...?"

"BegINnnNinG report...No signs of Meltryllis-dono in designated class: ALlTer Ego. Lancer located, same position as previous repPpoRRt.

BB-dono remains secCCCluuuded...Recommendation: ExttttERminate. We are...UnSure of her motivAAATIoNs, after all..."

"No sign of her at all, then. She must be in a singularity, like you suspected at the start. We've been wasting our time there..."

It's like Passionlip's demeanor changed completely. The shy, if steel-backed young woman is no more. A calm, cool, collected woman has taken her place, and listens to her assassin's report with complete focus.

"Thank you for searching this past week for me, and I'm sorry for sending you on a wild goose chase. I'll take the matter about BB into consideration, but..."

She sucks in on her lip.

"What about the other matter I asked you to look into, Koji?"

"Nnnh? Other maAAAtteR?"

She closes her eyes, seeming to have to dig through her memory to recall an order issued to her merely 7 days ago.

"Ah- Yes, I reMmMember noWW."

A smile spreads across the spider's face as her tendrils clank and rustle in excitement.

"AaAlL is AcCOrDDinG to plan. They're A-a-a-already falling into posiTIION..."

She twitch-twitch-twitches. She'll need to recalibrate her voice box and limbs, then.

"Very good...Continue monitoring them, and let me know immediately if Avenger's routine changes. Even if she does something small."

"Of course, PAASssionlip-dooOno. I am eEvvER your faithful shinobi...Master."

Passionlip doesn't have hands. So no one would have any reason to check them for anything. Especially Command Seals.

That's why they're on her back. Three of them, in crimson red, unseeable by anyone who isn't trying to get behind lip for some inane reason.

Koji isn't 'officially' in Chaldea. She's not even Ritsuka's Servant.

The master of Assassin, Kashin Koji...

Is Alter-Ego, Passionlip.

"Hehehe...you don't need to call me that, Koji...we're friends. But, um, while you leave..."

"Can you survey the area? Make sure no one's listening in?"

"At onNCEe, Passionlip-dono."

The scuttling of spider legs echo as Kashin Koji flips herself back up into the vents, darting away to do a check on her mistress's domicile.

-

Breath, hot down your neck. The click, click, click of eight steel legs behind you, as you stare at your computer. The hissing of metal joints as they creak and groan.

A soft, warm finger gently tips at your chin, turning your eyes away from the Tumblr screen for just a moment. Just a secon-

Do nOooT OBBbSserve ThiIIngs you were not suppPPPosed to seeeEE.

You will be LEEETTTT off this time.

I am not known for second chances.

Scuttle, scuttle, scuttle. You blink. You're looking at Tumblr again. How odd.

Perhaps a trick of the light.

Yes.

That must be it, my dear reader.

A tTRIIccCCk of the ligHHhT.~

#muse: lip #temp!muse: kashin koji #koji is a really fascinating Servant with a lot of potential #also this is teasing SBA 3 coming tomorrow finally #and the second longpost series I'm starting #also tw: arachnophobia? Koji is partly a mechanical spider.

[batneko]

Getting a little heavy again. (But then we swing right back into fantasy.)

[prev]

[next]

#undead kingdom au #my art #opm au #tw terminal illness #tw degenerative illness #tw euthanasia #tw suicidal ideation #zombiemask #amazomb #amai mask #sweet mask #zombieman #one punch man #opm #long post #longpost

[grieverled-moved]

➤ MISC. HEADCANONS [ ; ] TRAVERSE TOWN & LEON’S CONNECTION TO KING MICKEY ©

Another thing I wanted to elaborate on, was Leon’s time in Traverse Town along with all the events leading up to it. I do have a mish-mashed version for how he arrived in Radiant Garden — how originally, there was a fall of some sort within his world within VIII where he was then torn away & separated from those he knew, waking up in the strange new world on his own.

With no idea of where to start to try finding his way back to Balamb, Squall originally tried his best to get a general lay-out of his new surroundings, of how things worked & functioned in this place. *He felt no junctioning connection any of his Guardian Forces, a strange feeling considering he’d always made sure to keep them on hand in case of an emergency. *There was no connection to Rinoa that could be felt either, the initial emotions felt being a strong, near overwhelming isolating feeling of ‘lost’ — not unlike the one felt during his time trapped in Time Compression.

Days passed, eventually the time he’d spent just simply trying to stay a temporary visitor bled into something new. No new directions opened their way for him, nothing came up to give him anything worth looking into, & so, *he’d settled for making himself comfortable. At least until he knew more, it couldn’t hurt to take a break in his search — for a while things were quiet again. Peaceful even despite his restlessness, he’d managed to carve a small, comfortable space for himself. But it didn’t last long & soon enough, that same looming Darkness would begin to overtake Radiant Gardens, slowly this time, providing the man with just enough time to arm himself, gather what he could before he’d started trying to aid in rushed evacuation efforts with Highwind & the others. He’d done his best to hold off the initial hordes of Heartless, using his old experience of being a trained mercenary to his advantage, but he’s only human.

In his adrenaline fuelled state of panic, the former commander had gotten separated in his efforts to push back against the more dangerous of Heartless, unsurprisingly leading to an ambush, nearly being overwhelmed enough to lose his own heart before he’d been subsequently rescued amidst the chaos. During the fray, he’d gotten severely injured, though Cid was able to drag him onto the ship along with the others & from there, they’d soon find themselves within Traverse Town, where they’d then take refuge in the time that’d followed.

For the first while, around a little over a month, he was was bedridden & stuck recovering. During that time & admittedly with little other options, Squall’d started to connect more with Yuffie & Aerith. At first, he fought them heavily, stubborn in his want to leave, to be active enough since that same restlessness was back with a vengeance at yet another perceived failure in preventing a world from falling — another home. At being useless yet again. ( I’ll ramble properly about this more in another post, but this is around where he decides to change his name to *“Leon”, a simpler acknowledgement / last remaining tether to his lost past, while renouncing who he’d once been after all the loss & failure on his end. ) Despite his very vocal protests, the others kept him from leaving until he was fully healed.

When he did eventually heal enough to wander, he’d started to make sure things within Traverse Town were properly secure with what he’d learned during his last few attempts in fending off the Heartless, also taking time to note the sudden increase in newcomers who’d arrived just as they had. *More time passed as he learned to juggle between making sure their newfound haven would remain as safe as they could make it, that people were prepared, setting up regular guards to patrol & fight the odd Heartless that’d invade.

*To also making sure housing & supplies were carefully managed. He’d once again fallen back into old habits, the memories of the times he’d spent leading Balamb during the battle had against Ultimecia plagued him, but he found comfort in the fact he’d been able to help as he had using all his prior experience.

Eventually, with Cid’s approval, using the old & repaired Gummiship they’d arrived in, *Leon then leaves to perform research of his own into what happened. To how the worlds fell, what signals to look out for in advance, to how long they took so he knew how much time he had to evacuate. He also began to search tirelessly for ways to counter the Heartless, scouring for any hopeful ways to reverse the falling of a world. He’d started to travel around, between continuing his upkeep of Traverse Town, journeying to ones that were falling to follow Cid’s footsteps in helping to evacuate as many people to safety as he could.

*Its during one of those self assigned missions that he manages to bump into King Mickey, someone else looking into the sudden disappearance of the stars & ways to reverse whatever phenomena was happening. Over the span of their friendship, the pair had relayed what info they’d come across to one another, working together alongside the others up until Sora is introduced into the picture & things are officially kicked into high gear.

In summary, that’s my personal take on how Leon got to where he is in Kingdom Hearts, along with a bit of frantic connecting the dots on my messy lil corkboard to explain why he knows as much as he does & why he’s the guide character who mentors Sora in KH1. It just explains why he’s so passionate about trying to keep the Heartless problem under control, along with his name change, & his dedication to helping others.

#╰┈➤ EDITS. #╰┈➤ HEADCANONS. #╰┈➤ SCANNED FILES. / CHARACTER ANALYSIS. #➤ 𝐆𝐔𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐄𝐃 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐒. ◆ KINGDOM HEARTS VERSE #Longpost tw #A CHONKER SORRY AAAAA #I now wanna ramble on and think THONK on how tf magic might differ from his own universe

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 4

welcome to the fourth fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

1. Flip by @icypantherwrites

A very important alliance hinges on Voltron’s ability to perform a Sambayee — a show of athleticism and grace — and Allura had believed she was Voltron’s best candidate. But the aliens do not want an alliance and set an impossible bar that Allura is horrified to realize she cannot reach. There is no way any one can.

Except, she learns, there is. And there is far, far more to Lance than she had once believed.

Gymnast Lance and Allura angst. What more do you need? Seriously, I love them both so much, and the fic treats them both with respect as friends (which can sometimes be tricky, but this does great!)

2. A Wider Universe by @spiralled-fury

Lance, separated from his team, his family, his home.

For them, it wasn't long.

For him, it was two years.

Two years of endless fighting.

New scars, new pain, new hatred.

And new feelings.

I don’t really need to rec this fic -- sixty thousand of us have read it. It’s the voltron epic of all voltron epics. BAMF Lance of all BAMF Lances, slowburn klance, MFE pilots with important parts to the story, and the best Lance & Red relationshop literally ever written. 

3. The Cracks in Your Mask by @chyeahlex16

According to Lance, he has a great life. A large family full of younger kids running around a cozy house, a stern father and a strong, loving mother, a large dog full of love for his owners, lots of space to run around and grow in the backyard. Only light and happiness, no tragedy to speak of. But this is far from the truth.

They’ll never know. If he has anything to say about it, no one will ever know the real truth.

- A journey following Lance as he comes to terms with his past and sexuality in a way he couldn't around his family on earth.

(Basically a very personal self-projection on Lance. Some material can be triggering, but I'm keeping it as vague as possible for obvious reasons.)

A major warning -- this fic is a very heavy deep-dive into the traumatising aftermath of childhood sexual assault. Lance, who was CSA’d as a child, is having more and more triggers in his every day life as a paladin. This story details his worsening spiral into his trauma, and his eventual snap and reliance on his team. It’s an excellent story, the team handles Lance with so much care, and it’s a really important story to read, I think (but, again, tread carefully). 

4. Two Years On A Fucking Space Whale by vrepit_nah

After two years on a damn space whale, the Voltron team see Keith return to them. Lance missed Keith, and well, it seemed Keith didn't feel the same seeing as he brushed past Lance without even a 'Hi.'

Except, this isn't Voltron: The Show, but Voltron: My Retelling (And the one we all wanted.)

Keith changes his mind about ignoring Lance.

This is the reunion fic that we deserve! Sappy klance! Whipped Keith! Flustered Lance! I love reading this one when I need to feel better about season 6. 

5. the electric synthesized pop ballad of why keith can’t have nice things by kay_cricketed

Keith can't have nice things. That's it. That's the story.

(Or, in which Keith slowly learns that sometimes the best family is the one you make, Pidge has strong feelings about peanuts, Lance has a secret but would've spoken up sooner if he'd known it would break Keith's brain, Hunk is the actual best, and Shiro is just relieved he didn't have to give anyone the Talk.)

Is this an ABO au? Yes. Am I a little embarrassed about it? Also yes. But I’ll be real, this fic is really good! It’s well written, it’s nonlinear -- which I love -- and it features absolute conniving shithead Lance, whom I adore. It’s a fun fic with interesting themes, including a big thing on trust, and I really recommend it. 

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!  

#please dont discredit the last one okay i promise its great #vld #voltron #lance #lance mcclain #langst #bamf lance #klance #longpost #tw csa #gymnast lance #team as family #fic rec #fic rec friday

[quietlywatchingwritingreading]

I saw this post https://goblins-riddles-or-frocks.tumblr.com/post/693565590623993856/really-petty-thing-i-guess-but-i-just-vehemently Written by  by @goblins-riddles-or-frocks and it got me thinking. 

Specifically, it made me think about how I saw Dracula before I started reading Dracula daily. As the pop culture icon.

 As a character, without having read the book. It was easy for me to think Dracula wouldn’t be that scary, because of all the parodies and other things that sorta told me what Dracula was over the years. It was always a passing reference in a cartoon show or tv show, where its little more then ‘Dracula is evil he wears a cape, he turns into a bat. ‘

The evils/horrors I were shown in those references were pretty standard: he hurts people. He hurts people specifically by drinking their blood, but at the core he just hurts people. Sometimes he turns people into other vampires. The thing is, a lot of villainous characters hurt people. So before I started reading Dracula daily, I just kind of assumed he wasn’t really any different from Any Other Villain in any other media. 

Some of those shows gave him brainwashing powers, but it was never the main focus, and always sorta felt like a ‘Lets move the plot along’ button.

But the book. The horrors in the book are fantastic, and so much different then I was expecting.

How he harms people though manipulation. How he acts polite and kind while keeping someone as a prisoner. How he tried to pretend he had nobility by doing all the cooking and cleaning himself. (The fact that he had no workers meant that Jonathan had less people to ask for help after all, so I feel that was part of his manipulations/plans.)  How he impersonated Johnathan, in order to make a nearby town think him some sort of vampire. So that if he did escape, he might not be able to find help. Or be believed. Threatening him with the wolves outside-just. All of it was so delightfully horrific. 

And everything on the ship-how he slowly picked off the crew one by one, leaving only the captain to fulfill his duty.

How, Human he feels, while being completely inhuman. How his desires compare with the desires of the characters around him. How no matter where he goes, he causes suffering to others in ways beyond just attacking them.

Plus its sorta fun/human with how he seems to have some sort of big grandiose plan, but 70% of the time it feels like he just lucked out on a solution. (Lucy’s sleepwalking gave him someone more prone to his manipulations. if that boat didn’t make it to shore, or landed on a different shore, then he would be stuck. )

 I wouldn’t be surprised if that ends up happening to the protagonists, where while Dracula keeps Good-lucking with his plans, the protagonists good-luck figure out how to stop him.

#dracula daily #tw manipulation #tw blood mention #death mention #longpost #tagging for safety #let me know if I need to tag anything else

[marshmallowprotection]

Hello ! This is pukey Saeyoung anon.

I’m comin off anon bc honestly that shit is too much work. Pretty sure being sick this long has fried any last sense of inhibition or shame in my brain and I think everyone deserves to know how much I love Saeyoung smh. The extent to which that is my Mans. I will publicly gush if I so please. 😤😤

Plus! I’m pleased to report that I haven’t actually thrown up in about two weeks! So like. Hashtag recovery life I guess. 💀

But that’s what I came here to update you about. :’D

I feel like I kinda left you with a cliffhanger there with the whole bone cancer thing. (If it makes you feel any better, the hospital did too 👁👄👁)

November was very much,,, a terrible horrible no good very bad type of month. I spent nearly two weeks waiting for them to get back to me about my dumb bone marrow autopsy only for them to cancel my appointment last minute. And in the meantime I was just getting sicker and sicker… I ended up in and out of the hospital again a couple times,, but by the third time I was scared to go back bc the second time I went they didn’t even admit me overnight. They basically just charged me $700 to take a four hour nap. And cha boy doesn’t have that kinda money. 😭

But it got to the point that I really physically couldn’t take it anymore… I have never been in so much pain and discomfort in my entire life. Which unfortunately with the life I’ve had,, that’s a high ass bar lmao.

And it was just CONSTANT… I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t look at any screens. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t stand. I was literally too weak to even pull a blanket up over myself. I literally was spending every night sobbing/shivering/barfing myself to sleep. It was baaaaaaad.

Luckily my roommate at this point had probably started to get annoyed by hearing me crying from pain all night and was like “dude I’m taking you to the hospital again”

And my third hospital visit !! They FINALLY gave me an answer as to wtf is going on!

Good news is…? Not bone cancer. I don’t have to enter my Deadpool era Quite yet.

Bad news…? Apparently I’ve got fuckin Lupus 🤡

Which is super cute and fun because,, you know. Incurable lifelong chronic illness. I’m literally gonna be dealing with this shit for the rest of my life. :)

But like. It’s a perfectly livable disease. As long as it’s, you know. Actually being taken care of and treated. Which I now have enough info to actually do haha.

(Hit the self-loathing so hard that even my own fuckin immune system was like, oh shit we gotta take this bitch DOWN 💀)

I’m soooo glad to be home and back from the hospital… but it’s been very strange too. I’m still really sick and I can’t really do much on my own and,,, my brain physically doesn’t know how to process being like,, taken care of. Honestly it kinda sets off alarm bells in my brain 😳 but I’ve had to accept pretty damn quickly that,, I don’t really have a choice rn. I’m so used to just being on my own pushing through all my pain and just. Waiting till it goes away on its own. But if I do that in this case… the pain will just get worse and my body will quite literally shut down on me and I will literally die. Sooooo like,,,, 🤡 I guess maybe I can stand to be taken care of for at least a little while.

Doc says with all the damage that’s been done to my organs and stuff this past year, they caught it early enough that the damage is reversible. But I need to undergo a really strict recovery treatment,, and they estimate it’ll be at least 18 months before I’m able to get back to my ~normal healthy baseline~. Which is insane… like am I really gonna be out here living like a sickly hermit for a damn year and a half?? I’m gonna keep feeling better, I know. And I’ll slowly be able to do more again. But I can’t go back to my job. It was causing me waaay too much physical and mental strain. :( so that’s gonna be fun to figure out.

They also put me on literally 12 new medications when I left the hospital to help control my symptoms. Each of which I have to take 1-3 times a day. So that’s super exciting. Love a big bowl of pills for breakfast every morning.

It was torture at first because I hate swallowing pills. But it’s been about a week and I’m honestly getting used to it already. And better yet? Even after only a week… they’re noticeably helping my symptoms… and I’m actually starting to be able to do things again… I *almost* feel like, 60% of a normal human person again,,, maybe even 65%! I’m slowly starting to regain my appetite finally… and I can do little things again… like play the new Pokémon game, or watch anime, or draw, or call a friend on the phone. Which… god what a relief 😭 words cannot describe how good it feels to be able to do those things again… frankly,, it was traumatic having to spend the last few months watching my body physically deteriorate in real time… so now that I’m starting to feel like myself again, if only a little. I’m like. Hey?? I actually love myself so much???? I think I’m a pretty cool fun interesting person. Thank GOD I’m making a comeback 😭😭

Saeyoung of course has been a great source of comfort for me throughout all of this… he always is one of my biggest sources of comfort in life… literally even just imagining him being in the same room as me is enough to put me more at ease…

When things were at their worst a big part of how I dealt with shit was vividly daydreaming about making up silly stories with Saeyoung to distract me. This is something I’ve done for years when I’m too upset or stressed to sleep,,, it’s been a reliable source of comfort for me for a hot minute. But it’s never gotten to this extent haha.

We have a whole ass story going,, I’m actually starting to get pretty attached to the story and the characters… which is stupid AF because it’s literally just. Me and Saeyoung Choi as fantasy self-inserts wherein he’s a court jester and I’m a knight and we’re going on a quest to ~find a cure for my mysterious illness~

But a part of me is like 🥺🤔 what if I actually wrote the story tho? Lmaoooo

Amongst other coping mechanisms and distractions,,, I’ve also been falling HARD into my online shopping addiction. But also, idk, can you blame me…? I’m a material gowrl at heart and I haven’t been able to go shopping in person for months 😔😔 I need little treats to get me through the day.

Mostly I’ve been spending an UNGODLY amount of money on plushies. Like… idk if I could count them and I don’t even wanna THINK about the prices fhdhdjd-

Mostly Pokémon and Sanrio characters. But a few other random critters as well.

And tbh?? I don’t regret a single purchase. They’ve literally all helped me feel more comfortable and joyful these past couple months, which I’ve really needed. So, even if my bed is starting to look RIDICULOUS from sheer volume of plushies…. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’m living my best life

A few days ago I got a giant charmander plushy… and like. Ordinarily I’m not even the biggest fan of charmander (shut UP ABOUT CHARIZARD GAMEFREAK. IM OVER IT. GEN 1 IS POPULAR WE GET IT)

But I swear to god this young man is changing my life. It may be the softest squishiest most huggable plush I’ve ever encountered. I’ve been carrying him almost everywhere,,, starting to feel like the “ahh yes. Me, my partner, and their life sized mareep plushy” meme for real 💀💀

((How do you think Saeyoung would feel about me turning our bed into a literal mountain of plushies? Or having to compete for attention with my charmander? Hehe. ))

THERES ONLY ONE MORE THING I WANTED TO SAY…

If you’re actually taking the time to read all of this,,, holy shit thank you. And thank you for providing lonely bitches like me this outlet c’: to be able to talk… and share comfort… and express our deep love for these characters without fear of judgement. It’s really just such a lovely blog and I can never thank you enough.

But the last topic I wanted to touch on!!!

Ugh,,, I read your answer to the ask about Saeyoung with an MC into pastel goth fashion and…

That made me so happy 😭😭❤️❤️

I love fashion,,, so much. Truly one of my greatest joys in life is getting into a really cool fun outfit and strutting around Knowing that I’m cool as fuck and I look like a sexy badass 😤😤 it’s simply the most powerful feeling.

Love when I’m wearing an outfit I know looks fire and I can’t stop smirking haha.

And I just,,, love being flamboyant and silly and having fun with it. I’m 100% the type of person to walk into a store and go “this is the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen. The colors and patterns are such a mess they’re practically nauseating. I NEED IT.”

I have a collection of tacky button up shirts that could probably blind a man lmao. And JACKETS?? Don’t get me started on jackets. Boots,,, cargo pants,,, earrings,,, big colorful sunglasses. Ugh. <3

Since I’ve been so sick I haven’t been putting much effort into my appearance. My outfits were so joyless for a while… and then, well. I’ve spent the last month and a half wearing exclusively Pajamas and Hospital Gowns 😭

Considering that my main fashion inspirations ordinarily fall somewhere between Elton John, Lil nas x, and Jojo’s bizarre adventure…

Quite the glow down haha

I don’t think I realized fully how much I missed that until I read your ask…

You inspired me to go looking for some fun new clothes online. And now I’m feeling so excited and impatient for them to get here because I can’t remember the last time I got to put together a fun outfit… I actually wanna like,, get up and get dressed for the first time in so long c’: if only to waltz around my apartment a little bit and take a few selfies.

I’m not sure when I’ll be able to get back to my FULL level of glamour,, my inflammation is still pretty bad so my face and body are kinda weird and swollen and lumpy right now 🥴 and again,,, standing and walking are still very much a challenge. Idk if I could wear heels right now haha I’m wobbly enough on my feet already.

But I can’t wait to get back into it…

Like you were saying in that ask too… another part of why I love fashion defs has to do with my gender expression… and I LOVE LOVE LOVE when people bring that up with Saeyoung 😭 it always makes me grin and fills me with so much adoration to think about Sae getting to have fun and experience that euphoria with clothing and fashion as well… and especially the thought of us getting to do it together….? c’:

Literally a concept that is SO important and special to me 😭❤️❤️

Idk what kinda wonky matching outfits we’d be putting together but I know that we would look so fuckin cool and hot 😤😤 and best of all we could have so much fun. Which… tbh, there’s nothing more I could ask for in life.

Plus of course,,, there’s always the added fun of self indulgently getting to imagine Saeyoung admiring and complimenting me on my fashion :’D and like,,, thinking I’m cool or whatever 😭

Anyways! Those are all the things I wanted to say.

If you’re still reading this,, //what’s wrong with you bahaha I’m such a rambly mess

But like. Thank you. And deadass if this is too long to read or respond to feel free to leave it in your inbox or just delete it.

Honestly it was just really nice to be able to type out all these thoughts just to sorta. Get it out and decompress, ya know…? c’:

I hope you have an absolutely beautiful day.

While I am happy to hear that you have a better understanding of what's going on in your life, I'm sorry you're going through this transitional time when you discover that you have chronic illness. That has to be the most difficult time for a lot of people. You have to make a lot of adjustments and make changes that you may not be happy with to make sure that you're taken care of. I empathize and understand this because I deal with multiple chronic illnesses. If you ever need a safe space to vent about it, this is always a safe spot. Whether you want it to be posted or not, you can always scream into the inbox.

I hope you don't beat yourself up over the new limitations and changes that are coming into your life. It'll be hard for a little while to get used to everything. But it'll be okay. I can't promise that it'll be easy in the long run. This journey is a lot different for everybody. I think what helps when you feel lonely and isolated in that regard, is to find comfort in the things that make you happy and if that is this video game, then I'm glad that you have it. It's been there for me through all of my experiences so I'm also grateful for it.

I know what it feels like to be lonely and afraid. Having my blog like this... it’s a place where I’m able to help everyone’s dream. It’s simple, it’s small, but I know even the smallest response of “Yes, your favorite character would do this for you today!” means the world to someone on their worst day. I hope that you’re able to find some spoons to dress up and feel good very soon. It’s hard to find a good day sometimes, but you’ll have soon, I’ll cross my fingers for you.

Imagine that, I mean, imagine Saeyoung gushing over you because you found the energy to get up and show off your new outfit. There’s dazzling sparkles in his eyes as he looks at you. His hands are pressed to his mouth, and he looks like he’s going to keel over in delight. He’s absolutely enamored and in love with the sight of you. “You’re so handsome! I can’t take it! I’m in the presence of the best lover! I think I’m the luckiest boyfriend in the world!” Cue him pretending to faint before you ask him if he’s getting dressed, too.

That’s when he springs back up: “Wait, wait, wait, I’ve got the perfect dress that’ll match this. I’ll even let you pick my hair style for the day!”

#longpost #long post #queue #ask #pukey saeyoung anon #mod kait #clownishpossum #also don't worry I've got plenty of daydreams about saeran. #we're coping. this is fine and dandy. #so you and saeyoung? valid. #grief and anger are the things that I felt most at the start so be gentle with yourself. #tw chronic illness