#we as asexual people have got to have a talk about this because the shit i have been seeing is NOT okay | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

imhidingonceagain · 5 months

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Slimeriana and QSMP fans, we need to talk (really, I'm going to talk about a few things).

CW: nsfw

Warning: long post.

At this point I think majority of you guys know what happened with Mariana yesterday (especially because the fliporiana community is small compared to other ones).

I'm gonna write some stuff Mariana said and I'm gonna be explicit about it because I want you guys to understand the severity of the situation (this is your warning):

Context: He was curious to see if people actually posted nsfw stuff about him (and poor boy, he really thought he wouldn't find any).

And I quote what he said after seeing some posts: "No, no, no! Why's Slime penetrating me?!" (He was probably looking at a fanart)

"I'm not doing role like that with Slime anymore. I thought you guys found it funny (he was talking about the sex role in the QSMP) but it only fills your minds with shit"

"I'm gonna say it in English because I know there's QSMP fans who do it as well: Don't draw hentai about me, don't draw us fucking, that's being a pervert, that's wrong"

Some months ago I wrote a post when we got the first warning in regards of this topic.

Mariana and Slime have talked about fanart before and at the time they didn't seem uncomfortable about it (though it seems like Charlie's girlfriend was).

So I wrote: it's not necessary to stop doing fanart about them. Just be careful with what you draw and where you post it.

To me even "suggestive" fanarts are "okay" (but with suggestive I mean the characters looking at each other like they want to kiss each other so bad, that's it). But when and how did that translate to some of you thinking that drawing real people having sex and not only having sex (because there's always ways to show intercourse without being explicit or disgusting) but also showing private parts is okay?

Because it's obvious Mariana saw something super explicit by the way he reacted (because he doesn't get bothered too easily). My poor man was distressed!

And let me tell you something. This is not only about Mariana and Slimecicle. This is a REAL PROBLEM within the fandom. Let me give you some examples:

I love reading fanfiction and months ago I was scrolling through the QSMP section on AO3 and let me tell you something: the amount of fanfiction written about the eggs and their parents in a non platonic way is CONCERNING.

Especially Wilbur Soot's fandom seems to have a lot of rotten apples who think that writing abusive stories about q! Wilbur and Tallulah is fine.

I understand some people write stories like that not because they're crime apologists, but because that's their way to deal with trauma (and dealing with trauma through art is okay). But PLEASE remember that while the eggs are fictional, their "parents" are REAL people.

Use fictional characters, please. Stop writing real people into pedophilic or highly abusive situations. THAT'S HORRENDOUS.

Another example is the following: Some weeks ago people were reporting a Twitter account and I clicked on the account (I personally don't like reporting people without making sure they deserved) and it took me like three seconds of scrolling to see more than 5 Ccs being disrespected (including Slimecicle, Quackity, Cellbit, Roier and Badboyhalo). Explicit Pictures, videos and fanarts were being posted about these creators.

You know what I think? I think Cellbit made his character asexual not only for the representation (it's clear by now that q! Cellbit is a sex positive asexual which is still representation yay!) But because he has been on the internet since around 2011 and he knows how disrespectful people can be. I think he knew that his and Roier's ship was getting too popular and that makes them both unprotected to shit like this.

Sadly, it's clear that it didn't matter that Cellbit made his character asexual, people can't seem to respect that detail about his character and about himself as a real person.

To some people it doesn't matter if the Cc is ambiguous or completely clear about their boundaries, they still don't give a fuck.

Please remember that behind each character is a real person. I understand sometimes you guys want to see your favorite characters fuck -me too, honestly- but for people like streamers that's out of the questions because not only they're real people, but because their work is related to social media and the possibilities of them finding EVERYTHING we write and post about them are super high.

I don't know how to feel. It's obvious that Mariana has not been feeling the same about the server since Juanaflippa died. Maybe this will make him feel even worse about the QSMP but I hope I'm wrong.

#el mariana #elmariana #slimecicle #slimeriana #fliporiana #qsmp #elmariana fanart #qsmp fanart #wilbur soot #cellbit #Quackity

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 6 months

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Am I the asshole? I had a friend I met last year online, things were fine at first, we got along well and talked but overtime this person, I'll call them C, became very distant and arrogant. It started with them ghosting me for WEEKS because they didn't like something I said once in defense/support of asexual people. They got annoyed that I said they suffer greatly and they pulled an oppression olympics reply on that. Something once they spoke again to me, I right away cleared up for them and explained I wasn't being rude, I was just saying aces suffer too and need support and a place in the community.

Then after this they got annoyed that I was messaging them too much. I was simply trying to be a good friends, but I listened and cut back to respect their boundary. C next to never talked to me unless they needed something, used me for helping ease their mental illness issues and used me for advice and reassurance seeking and venting, that's it. I got tired of it. It was one sided so I backed off, ended up leaving social media for a bit. My wife however has a page still and I checked up on this person a while back, turns out some bad stuff happened in their life so I sent a long DM to them checking on them, being polite and offering help, I explained I was using my wife's page since I didn't have one so they knew who I was, but I still cared and wanted to help them if they needed any.

Anyway. Never got a reply. Weeks went on then I ended up blocked after them ignoring me once again. I contacted C on another site and called them out. I was pissed but still remained civil, I said how I didn't appreciate how they treated me when I had been nothing but respectful and caring to them that's what I get in return? C played the victim, put the blame on me, said they didn't like how I worded something in my dm checking on them and blocked me for it (rather than replying and saying what I did wrong...), lied and said I should have contacted them in a better way (the way I contacted them first was the "better way" they described! I got told I didn't even do what I DID do!) So I point this out, I said how their behavior said a lot about them as a person then all hell breaks lose. They start getting pissed and throwing insults at my character (I called them a hypocrite because when I said this said a lot about THEIR character it was bad, but when they do the same back to me, it was fine?) when I did nothing but say this was childish and said it said a lot about them that theyd block me rather than telling me what I did wrong to bother him. I am very accountable and would have listened and corrected my mistake, one my wife says I never even made as she saw all these messages.

I am now seeing them post lies (Checked on my brothers account to see) saying I attacked them, insulted their amazing character (this is the type of person that brags nonstop about being so nice and empathic and loving..) At this point I sent a dm on this other site, I apologize that my original contacted messages I sent AFTER being blocked that first time, were frustrated and came off badly (My wife disagrees, she says I was nothing but civil!) But I apologized then explained my side of it and how it felt to me, explained how his behavior was childish because of his "block" and refuse to communicate then play the victim. I got no reply.

Ended up blocked again and I gave up after that. He is also now saying the friendship was toxic when it was only ever toxic for me since they basically used me. All I wanted was just to be told what I did wrong, if they didn't want to reply or talk to me, that would have been fine, I'd of just appreciated being told it than blocked then made to feel like the bad guy when I point out how childish this behavior was on another site and how it said a lot about them that theyd do this then play a victim when all I was trying to do was be a good friend despite the shit they put me through.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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animarret · 13 days

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Ranting about aroace exclusionists a bit: tl:dr my issue is not even the exclusion at this point, it's the lack of respect for ace and/or aro experiences and identity.

Saw one of those whole "should aces belong in queer spaces" debates making the rounds and it got me thinking about some exclu points like. Notably one I kept seeing was along the lines of not feeling safe in queer spaces with "straight" people and like. Okay. We have different ideas of queerness but I sympathize with the sentiment even if I disagree. But it got me thinking about how, if a space is mostly exclusionist towards aces and aros... why would we (aces and/or aros) be there anyway?

Like, I as a queer person (nonbinary and romantically ??? Something not straight) and also as an ace, I know I wouldn't be comfortable in a space like that, even if my more acceptably queer identities were fine there. Because in my experience exclus, kind or not, aren't understanding enough of ace experiences to where I could see that part of me being accepted enough to be open about it.

If any exclus read this for whatever reason: are you as normal about aces and aros as you think? Do you *actually listen* to us? Bc most I've encountered 1) don't have pretty basic definitions of identities on those spectrums correct (aromantic is never mentioned? Gray or demi labels? Hell half the time the definition of ace is wrong), and by extension downplay and dismiss ace and aro experiences. Not even just about like, people being bullied or the more oppressive experiences like that. But like, do you realize that being ace and/or aro can just affect everyday shit?? Shows and movies I like and why are affected by this. The way I practice my religion is affected by my aceness. It is, in fact, an important part of me that is reflected in everything I do. And AVEN is a website, guys. Cmon.

My point is, why would I waste time in a space where the people (no matter how many times you say "aces are valid!!! Just not lgbt") consistently show a complete lack of care or willingness to actually learn about or understand mine and other's experiences? Why would I feel comfortable or safe, even, being in a group that not only doesn't understand asexuality, but isn't willing to try (as friends, comrades, community, etc) to understand me, as an asexual person?

I'm not invading exclu lgbt spaces because I have better friends and allies than that. I have better places to be.

And if you're exclusionist and me asking/saying these things bothers you, maybe make a better effort to be allies to aces and aros. Because for all your talk about us and your valid posts I don't see you making an effort for us. Do better!! Prove me wrong!! Make me eat my angry words!! Want us out? Support ace and aro spaces then! Get our fucking words right! Listen to us!

#ace #asexual #aroace #aromantic #aro #ace inclusion #aro inclusion #anti exclusionist

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camilaxmartin · 1 month

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gonna put them emoji’s again💀😭 so it would be: 🥑🍬🌸🐝🎨🍄

I love using these TOTALLY USEFUL emoji’s so I picked em🥰

you don’t use avocado/bee/mushroom everyday? what are you even doing?🙄

BUT ANYWAY

🥑: you accidentally killed somebody, which mutual(s) do you text for help?

probably @bunnylove1 and @blookyag, idk why tho honestly, just getting the vibes they’d help somebody out with hiding the body💀 (it’s a compliment, i swear-)

🍬: post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character:

okay uhh- (don’t cancel me plz) i respect with my whole heart that alastor is asexual and (?) aromantic but i don’t get the hate people receive when shipping him with someone? as far as i know being on the spectrum means he can still date? like i know, he doesn’t show any interest in that but if its just for a silly au or for a cool drawing then what’s the fuss about? i’m not talking like about erasing that part of him because that’s a big no no for me, but like…? respecting it but still having fun with his character? i saw a great tiktok explaining my thoughts exactly so maybe i’ll link it here if i can find it (add the link here later camila:) (besides all that i project a lot of myself onto alastor (still debating if im aromantic or not) and i want to explore myself with his character (if i can even phrase it that way) so all the hate and shit really bother me, you know?)

(another thing more about whole thing not a character is that “whatever it takes” is in my top 4 songs and i don’t get the hate it gets?? i love this song?? it’s so great?? two latina (?) girls singing together?? cmon??)

🌸: do you have any pets? if you do, post some pictures of them:

i do actually! i have a dog and three rats:) (also had a rabbit but he died not so long ago and he was like my whole world so i got a tattoo to remember him, i’ll add it as well just because i can)

🐝: tag your biggest supporters and say one nice thing about them:

@kimmyisachiisaiakuma - ugh of course?? like in my head we are already besties fr fr, what can i saaaay😭 idk i love you and how supportive and just friendly you are!!:) and god of course, i love your art?? but i’ve already said it a thousand times??? so here’s one thousand first??

@bunnylove1 - just how supportive you are towards my stuff and how with exactly one request i felt like we also became besties? maybe it’s just me but yeah😭

@blookyag - liking my every post and responding to every single one of them!!! she’s a treasure, really. i’m surprised someone cares about my rambling this much💀

@informist - i’ve noticed that she’s also reacting to a lot of my stuff and she’s so quick with it like?? idk it makes my heart jump okay? i love attention from people even when it’s just my stupid rambling😭 (#iamanattentionwhore 😗😗)

@rougecreator1 - liked a lot of my posts as well, and somehow i feel like they enjoy my stuff? idk tho?😭😭 yeah just noticed interactions in my activities:)

@riveramorylunar - i feel like we were more active on each other’s accounts when i was still in my lady lesso era, but idk i really liked you then and i still love seeing your stuff pop up on my main page:)

and of course, all of my lovely anons who send me their ideas that i can’t wait to write!!:)

🎨: link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it:

okay so like it changes every day?? but for now i must say this one:

click!

why? simple. a. brokerdoll b. the marvellous style? c. i want to draw like that d. just… just look at it okay? e. lesbians.

(and a special mention for THIS as well, as it’s the first time someone ever drawn my oc and besides the fact that she looks so pretty here it’s just… idk i just love it okay, she stole my heart)

🍄: share a headcanon for one of your favourite ships or pairings:

let’s start with the fact that i even have a favourite account for all the headcanons about brokerdoll which is @vypridae (adore all the hcs, really)

buut! my personal headcanon is:

• carmilla didn’t really expect to fall for velvette, i mean in my head she just saw her as so… respectless and dumb and stupid and careless and carefree and wild and free and pretty- wait

yeah, so in my head velvette was the first to initiate anything and at first carmilla was like “ha! no way, you stupid girl” but then she started to think more and more about velvette as the time went on and one day she just got along the fact that she might be attracted to the young overlord and somehow… went with it? like she didn’t make a big deal out of it… but velvette definitely did, despite the fact she was actually the first one to say or act on her attraction in any way.

(i need to write more headcanons for them, they’re literally eating up my brain)

#camilarambles #ask camila!#camilaanswersasks #brokerdoll

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cellarspider · 2 months

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16/?? Chemically inert

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We return to a movie whose biggest enemy is its own script, Prometheus. This is the second post today, because the previous one was so awful and I had very little context to add beyond anger.

So, now we come to a scene that made me wonder in the theater: what the fuck is going on with straight people?

A tangent is required at this moment, before we get back to pondering this question. Some of my friends like to watch their favorite science fiction shows with me, particularly if they have to do with genetics. Orphan Black, for example. This is because it is understood that I will regularly call out “Pause!”, and then they get to sit and listen to me alternatively praise or sputter over the fictionalization of my field of study.

“Look. Their genetic material pre-dates ours. We come from them.”

Pause!

This is, probably, meant to hammer in the premise of the movie to a lay audience. However, the way she phrased it left me confused for a good long minute, trying to figure out what the fuck she meant. We don’t speak of any extant species as “pre-dating” another, even if they look exactly like their fossilized ancestors: all modern organisms are modern organisms. They have been continuously evolving the whole time they’ve existed. What we talk about is species diverging from each other. We didn't come from chimpanzees, or from neanderthals for that matter: we diverged from them.

(https://news.wisc.edu/naledi/)

If I were to try and explain what she actually means by this: The particular Engineer they sampled from possess genetic sequences that are present in our evolutionary precursors, but have been lost in humans. That, and/or the Engineer possesses no sequences that are specific to modern Homo sapiens.

To which my response is: no shit. They’re eight foot tall, completely hairless humanoids, surrounded by advanced technology. This is not Futurama.

This still doesn’t answer all my other logistical problems with when they got involved on Earth, which I already rambled about at length.

But now we get to the real mystery of the scene: why are straight people?

I’m asexual as a rock. No, not that rock. But I’m not sex-repulsed. Sexual media and art is fine by me, but Hollywood does such a shit job with romantic chemistry that I thought I was for quite a while.

Shaw and Holloway are a couple. We know this, because they are a pair of female and male adult humans who work together in a movie. They have held hands and smiled at each other. Honestly, if Holloway hadn’t called Shaw “baby” soon after they woke up from stasis, I wouldn’t have known.

Admittedly, this may be due to the fact that my “flirting or not” radar is hilariously non-functional most of the time. I have been on dates before without realizing it. Multiple times. It’s that bad.

This is the scene where we are supposed to see how they are romantic together, and how they grapple with their present situation. Holloway froze a rose in the cargo, along with a bottle of champagne. The fact that he has already been drinking heavily will surely make this especially fun, I’m sure.

Shaw, at least, acknowledges “[t]his is The most significant discovery in the history of mankind,” though I’d argue whichever early hominin first saw the big bald bastards already called dibs on that. I appreciate the gesture toward understanding the enormity of this situation, but her behavior hasn’t demonstrated it so far. Holloway’s, however, is even worse, and I think we are supposed to take Shaw as the more staid and reasonable one because of this.

With this and her further evidence that the Engineers made humans, Holloway immediately says “Okay. I guess you can take your father's cross off now.”

Yes. This is what you should say, when you’re in a long-term relationship with a religiously devout person who lost one or both of their parents at a young age. Definitely.

I get what this is trying to do, thematically. This movie is about the creation of life. We have a religious character squaring her faith with a piece of information that is incompatible with the literal text of her religion’s doctrine.

Funny enough, we have a lot of religious people who work in biology already. Unless your religion was created last tuesday, there is literally no way it won’t contradict with some aspect of what modern science has discovered. People create the mental space for the supernatural, either merging or separating it from their field of expertise. Or they may not believe in the supernatural at all, instead subscribing to belief systems that provide an ethical and behavioral framework for their lives.

A lot of scientists who are religious state that their religion is part of why they study the material world: Out of a love for the world, a call to aid others, or because the act of learning is seen as divine in itself.

This is also the kind of conversation that, frankly, two lunatics who believe in ancient alien contact with Earth should’ve had a long time ago. ‘Hey, you believe that big men from space were talking to the Sumerians, how’s that fit in with the whole Christianity thing for you?’

But no, he’s going somewhere hilariously baffling, via a direct route through the state of Wildly Insensitive as he barrels along the Clunky Dialog Highway.

“But here's what we do know: That there is nothing special about the creation of life. Right? Anybody can do it. All you need is a dash of DNA and half a brain, right?”

“I can't.

I can't create life. What does that say about me?”

He FORGOT HIS LIFE PARTNER WAS INFERTILE.

“Ellie, that's not... I didn't mean… I wasn't talking about…”

Have you ever been so drunk that you made your girlfriend feel like Natasha ‘I’m a monster comparable to the Hulk because I was sterilized’ Romanoff in Age of Ultron

This is, as with most of the most thunderously clunky dialog in this movie, a plot point. There are ways they could’ve done this differently that I will get to at that time

But you know what’s even more baffling about this? Apparently that didn’t kill the mood.

It makes the next scene where Janek seduces Vickers with a jumpscare accordion and “Are you a robot?” almost make sense.

Or, frankly, Idris Elba and Charlize Theron are acting wizards who somehow managed to strangle some chemistry out of that scene.

Next time, the not-so-little death!

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Citations for alt-text rambles:

https://archive.org/details/abbott-and-costello-meet-the-mummy

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Nepenthes_cultivars

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ecce_Homo_(Garc%C3%ADa_Mart%C3%ADnez_and_Gim%C3%A9nez)#Failed_restoration_attempt_and_internet_phenomenon

https://youtu.be/cZyj6GECjZ0

https://youtu.be/nRr1t80TayE

http://www.totheescapehatch.com/2012/06/escape-by-playing-stephen-stills.html

https://www.discogs.com/artist/236968-Stephen-Stills

Overflow Ramble 1

I want it noted at the start here: I try to use screenshots where everyone looks as dignified as they can without losing objects or gestures I want to comment on, because otherwise it breaks flow. I could not find a screenshot where Shaw wasn’t stickin h leggy out real far, or making this extremely weird face. I tried. The movie defeated me.

Medium wide shot of Shaw sitting on a couch (loose pillows that don’t have velcro surfaces to keep them in place if the ship rolls), with Holloway in reverse shot, sitting on the other side of a coffee table (no lip to catch rolling objects), with a rose sitting in a cup between them. Shaw is about to stand up, and has just the most goddamn weird expression on her face.

In the background is a side table (does have a lip, not tall enough to do anything), with a lamp (might be magnetized/gripped to the surface, doesn’t look it), a pile of books (falling hazard), a stick of incense burning in a cup (falling AND fire hazard), and, as previously noted during Vickers’ introduction, there’s the required Cultured White Person African Art Pieces just sort of. Leaned on a tiny little shelf in the background (how have they not fallen over already). Finally, a tropical hanging pitcher plant can be seen hanging behind the lamp, probably a Nepenthes cultivar. Did David keep these alive for two years?

There is a bewildering buttload of Nepenthes cultivars, with an active enthusiast community in Japan. So, SO many of the cultivars are called ‘[Adjective] Koto’ (cite 2). Like, to the point where someone was clearly breaking out the dictionary to find more words for Koto. Decorous Koto. Effulgent Koto. Effulgent Koto again, there’s two of them. Elfine Koto. Emotional Koto. Felicitous Koto. Feminine Koto. Feverish Koto. Igneous Koto. Immobile Koto. And that’s as far as the Kotos go, apart from Zonal Koto. Somebody in 1984-1994 was literally going A-Z on Kotos before they suddenly stopped at I, turned around, and went back up to throw in Gerontic Koto and Ferny Koto.

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#Prometheus 2012 #Prometheus (2012)#palette cleanser of inexplicable dialog after an actually horrible scene #also I know a lot more about pitcher plants than I did before writing this post #thanks to a movie that has nothing to do with pitcher plants #that's the magic of research rabbit holes

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knifearo · 3 months

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hey just wanted to ask if polls that go around like the one right now that says “are asexuals part of the community” are bait posts bc i just don’t see the point in ASKING when it’s supposed to be a given. like you can’t see WHO votes no, it’s not like this poll is going to help block aphobes- is it not just trying to incite more “discourse”?

wanna start this answer by saying that you've given like three very good reasons why these polls are bait-y and fucking stupid already in ur ask, and i think that you're completely right about them :) simple answer though. yeah. lmao.

the current wave of things (specifically the arophobia of the last few weeks of 2023) started with a post mentioning cishet aro men and then really kicked off with a "are cishet aro men queer" poll. just like you said, there is no positive impact of these polls; if you took the VERY best interpretation of it that you could, the person who made the poll would be Really Fucking Stupid in the moment that they were making it. if they think that they're facilitating a conversation, they're... wrong. and they should stop. but! if you're not willing to be the kindest, most generous person on earth, i think we can safely assume that the people making these polls are of the opinion that aspec queerness is a question (and that their answer for it is no). exclusionism still isn't like. stigmatized. really. and so people are really fucking confident waltzing out onto the mainstage to do things that are blatantly exclusionist/aphobic with a very thin veneer of innocence because they know that nobody will call them out on it. these things are absolutely meant to incite more discourse and again. the bitches spreading it around as if it's even a question are being stupid at Best.

what we can do for the moment is keep talking about how these stupid ass posts are bait and not spreading them around ourselves <3 repeat it ad nauseum and people will have to get it through their heads eventually... but yeah. block unfollow ignore. remind people that engaging with that shit is Cringe Idiot behavior. bitches never stopped being exclusionist assholes, they just got quieter about it for a while, and like hell are we gonna let them just go back to business as usual. recognize it + call it out + go engage in positive community spaces :) <3

#genuinely i offer SO much benefit of the doubt to some people that they might just Not Know.#but even then. patience runs real fucking thin and they're getting unfollowed no matter what.#even if you don't intend harm! there's a certain level of obliviousness that makes you like. NOT a viable option for me.#anyway. i think you already said everything that needed to be said in your ask.#aspec people i love you remember to keep our community strong <3 #ask #aromantic #aromanticism #arospec #aroace #aspec #asexual #ace discourse #ace exclusion #ace #talking

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callmearcturus · 10 months

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I find the idea of Benji having like 20 exgirlfriends, boyfriends, and personfriends; while Ethan has dated like 3 people in his entire life, to be hilarious, and now I'm going to integrate it into my headcanons for both of them.

I MEAN I tend to think that before the Prague Job, Ethan was an ethical slut, and it's implied he's having a threesome with Jack and Sarah. (I mean, I literally do not know how else to interpret that line, I have put on my Straight Person Goggles and that line does not make sense unless they are all three dating.) He's flirty and openly teases people.

Then the Prague Job goes fuckways, and Ethan's entire demeanor feels like a very sharp object that neither he nor anyone else knows how to handle. He def fucked Max in the back of that car (I feel like this is even implied by her later dialogue). But its not friendly and fun anymore, it's sharp and dangerous and almost his barricade Ethan is using for his own protection.

AND THEN THERE IS CLAIRE. Claire is trying her best to manipulate the shit out of Ethan, to keep his attention on her and her 'mourning' of Jim rather than the fact Jim is alive and both of them are toying with Ethan.

That extended sequence where Ethan and Jim are talking about "what happened in Prague" intercut with Ethan figuring out what actually happened in Prague-- there's a moment when Ethan pegs Claire as having killed some of the team, but he changes his mind and casts Jim in the role instead because... he doesn't want Claire to be part of this.

TAKE ALL THAT and marry it to the fact that Claire keeps initiating touch with Ethan, tries to get him to comfort her-- that scene with her sleeping on the floor and taking his hand to kiss it is tremendously fucked up.

(I once listened to a podcast that mentioned claire was kind of ethan's love interest and like WOW no. nope. that's not what's happening even a little.)

oh my god i'm rambling but WHAT I AM SAYING is that Ethan has immense trauma that is fueled by sexual manipulation and it honestly feels like it. Twink Ethan as an ethical slut had fun and didn't have to worry about this shit and was all about fair play. Then he has a brief stint as a bad boy that goes badly because robert towne can't write a movie. Then the next we see him he's GETTING MARRIED and leaving the game.

This post is already too long so lets continue. MI3 is fascinating because it's the one I hate the most but Julia and Ethan are tremendous, and the work put into humanizing him is amazing. He's enjoying playing as a doting husband (and 'playing' is inaccurate, he's not lying) and it actively trying to carve himself out of the IMF while multiple people (INCLUDING HIS BEST FRIEND LUTHER) undermine him.

But he still tries, and he leaves, and he's out.

And it all goes to shit. Which is this tremendous tragedy of Ethan Hunt frankly. He put in the work and-- you know the phrase "he's got skin in the game"? Well Ethan had a lot of skin in the game and he let it flay him on his way out just for a chance to actually be out.

GP Ethan is a wildly changed man, but in a way that honestly makes perfect sense to me. The trajectory of his character by design or by accident is an easily tracked arc. (I think McQuarrie gets me on this, or I get him, either or.)

After GP, there is simultaneously an emotional honesty to Ethan... but there's a physical distance. He's older, he's wiser, he's tired, and he's not dragging Benji or Ilsa into a pharmacy closet to have sex. That's not him anymore. But also, there is more raw emotion to everything he does. He feels like he's always on the back foot.

(He comes across as incredibly asexual to me honestly.)

Compared Twink Ethan flirting his way through MI1 to Fallout Ethan getting kissed by the White Widow and having ZERO reaction.

/clutches Ethan to my chest. i love this tired old man.

MEANWHILE: Benji is hot and has a hot bossy streak and has amazing fashion sense. He can get it, he just can't keep it because when Ethan has a job, so does Benji, sooooo yep. lmao.

#meri47 #long post #w h o o p s #mission impossible #ethan hunt #benji dunn

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as8bakwthesage · 11 months

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My Experience With Lily Orchard + Fuck Her

Now, if those of you who know me or have been following me for a while will know that I used to be a massive Lily Orchard fan. I used to support her, I defended her, and I was once a member of her patron even.

I’ve heard stories from people, former friends, former fans, about how much of a manipulating and nasty bitch she is. At best, she’s lashed out at fans for drawing innocuous fanart and for bringing up topics in stream that she doesn’t approve of (I’ve been there, I’ve seen it), and at worst she’s a lying abusive cunt who can’t help but make people around her miserable.

And while I’ve not been the subject of Lily’s abuse, I have been witness and bore the blunt of her passive aggressive horseshit, her manipulating situations to make me appear like a cunt for daring to correct her on an opinion of a book she never fucking read, her shamelessly putting me on blast in one of her videos where she insinuated I was stupid for asking a question about LGBT+ rep, for telling me and other fans to stop talking when we tried to defend our positions in chat.

I’ve had to walk on eggshells around her because I feel like every word I say or anything I do will be seen as an attack on her despite me being a fan of hers for literally fucking years and she knows this. I’ve been a fan of hers since I was 15-16 and I’m 22 now. With no other content creator have I felt the need to be so fucking careful of what I say.

And when I sent her an ask telling her that her yelling at others on stream for seemingly no reason was actively triggering me (mind you, in the nicest way possible because I couldn’t hurt Ms. Orchard’s feewings oh nuuuu) she ignored my ask. Do I have proof she saw it? No. Is she a large enough content creator that she receives so much interaction/asks on her tumblr that my ask got swallowed? Also No.

If you’re a Lily Orchard fan, I am not a needless hater, I am not a stalker or a troll or a bigot. I’m a transgender and biromantic/asexual person myself who is Native and actively participates in activities regarding my tribe and culture. I’m white passing like Lily is. I used to be a fan of hers for fuck’s sake and an active one too.

But here’s the thing - she’ll suck you in with her bold commentary and criticisms and some of it is genuinely really thought provoking and interesting. On the outset she has a “no tolerance for abusers” policy and she’s charismatic to an audience of teenagers who were being abused. Fuck, she helped me realise I was being abused and when the Toonkritic shit came out, that slowly started to help me realise I was being groomed by my exe (TheHauntedReader)

I convinced myself for the longest time that just because Lily wrote “Stockholm” that it didn’t mean anything. That all of her weird takes and opinions were just a quirky “haha i did this in my youth and i regret it” moment. But this isn’t 13-year-old me writing weird fanfiction between an adult and a child when I didn’t fucking know any better and was being actively groomed and abused, this was an adult who wrote CP and romanticised it and tried to get away with it and who should have known better!

And once you are a fan of hers, it’s hard not to become emotionally invested, especially if you’ve always seen her behaviour as normal, which I did. A lot of her fans are abuse/trauma survivors and she knows that. So many of us have confided to her that she helped us realise we could be happier and that we could escape. That we were more than our abuse. These are powerful things to talk about.

But she doesn’t care about us. Never has. Never will. She convinced me and has convinced others that us asking her stupid/silly questions is damaging to her. That it’s caused her so much emotional damage and stress that she can justify lashing out and verbally abusing her audience, y’know - the people who gave her a career. By her own admission, she hates us, but expects our support when she’s being harassed??

Girl, fuck off.

But that is just my own experience. I’ve seen some shit in the past couple of days that I can’t unsee and I encourage you all to look into it because it’s such a dark hole that the phrase “stare into the abyss for too long and it stares back” is what I feel like right now.

And I know why I feel like this - I invested energy and money and emotions into this woman and her channel. I’ve supported her. And no, Lily, this is not about me wanting to be your friend. It’s about me asking for some fucking decency as someone you at least know of and at most you know supported you? To not lie and misrepresent what I’ve said and then vaguepost about me?

Have I made mistakes? Yes. But that’s no excuse to berate and yell at people who have only asked stupid questions or fuck, even made goddamn harmless jokes??

Also, if fans/friends of Lily’s are harassing @asunnycoffee you guys are the fucking worst. Don’t fucking attack my friend you raging cunts. I have a couple ideas of who you might be, but I know you won’t air out your dirty laundry with me, Ginger.

You guys are pathetic.

Lily doesn’t care about her fans, she doesn’t care about her friends, and she’s certainly not going to start anytime soon.

#fuck lily orchard #lily orchard #sage writes an essay again #sage rambles

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nerves-nebula · 11 months

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For years ive kind of favored demisexual/demiromantic above bi/pan to refer to myself because tbh it’s just more accurate. The way I’m attracted to people is nearly unrelated to gender. I could probably make a dozen things more important to me than the gender or physical appearance of my partner.

Gender presentation only matters so far as if someone is openly visibly queer I’m more interested because I know we might be thr same. But if it turns out they’re a shit person what does it matter what they look like. And like, I’m not interested romantically? I never deeply desired a relationship just from looking at someone, at most I just want to see more of you if I like being around you :/

I described my romantic feelings to a friend once as basically just being friendship but with more intimacy than a typical friendship and more of your life intertwined and he was like “that’s absolutely not what romantic feelings are they’re way different from friendship” and I’m beginning to think I might just be aromatic/asexual entirely, not demi. and i haven’t been able to tell because i deeply yearn for intimacy and I’m a bit possessive and so I figured that must mean I want romance or something.

But I’ve never had a crush. And I love my girlfriend but I probably couldn’t tell you the difference between my relationship with her and having a really close friend- because she’s my best friend! I adore her, but I never needed her to be in love with me. I never need sex or even really romance. We’ve been on one “date” to see sonic 2, and mostly we just hang out like we always have just with occasional kissing and some sexual activity. My ideal relationship has always been being best friends and deciding to intertwine your lives, which is basically what happened, and I knew that would always be seen as romantic to outsiders so I didn’t realize until recently that like… there’s no specifically romantic feelings here??? It’s just closeness? Intimacy? And I can easily see myself developing this kind of closeness with any of my friends if they do desired??

Anyway I think it’s time I stopped kidding myself. I’m not Demi, I just have really high standards about who I keep around in my life and get close to in general. My standards for friends and partners are exactly the same because there isn’t much of a difference when it comes to who I want present in my life.

I don’t catch feelings when I’m close to someone, I just get relaxed around them, which feels nice and so I equated it with romantic emotions. But once I got more friends I realized that warm fuzzy feeling wasn’t romantic attraction!! Because im aromantic!!!!

I guess it’s pretty cliche to come out during pride month but in my defense I didn’t realize this until i wrote this post. I was supposed to be musing on why I prefer demi to other labels and basically just talked myself into identifying as aromantic. Oops.

I’m probably also asexual but I already basically knew that.

#nnstuff #aspec #arospec #aromantic #pride

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ladymidnight24 · 10 months

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Ok, so I know I'm totally just preaching to the choir on here, but I wanted to rant for a second and this is the only place I'm willing to do it, so-

Scrolling through the sad remains of Twitter today, I came across this post:

And I got super excited because I feel like I rarely see people flaunting their Asexuality like this (outside of the community here on Tumblr, that is), so I was just like "Oh fuck yeah, Ace rep!"

Then I made the mistake of scrolling through the comments... and that's really what this post is about, I just wanted a quick vent over some of the more repeated sentiments that I found.

(She responded to a few of them herself and I left in her responses, because yas queen, clap back at them!)

But anyway, quick tale of my experience as a bi-ace person: First and foremost, I think I look good/attractive/whatever and at times I do want to flaunt that because if I'm really feeling the way I look, why shouldn't I be encouraged to show off my muscles or wear a shirt that accentuates my boobs or pants that show off my ass? So yeah, I dress in a "sexual" manner from time to time, especially at pride where it lowkey feels like part of the point a lot of the time, and no, I'm not looking for any serial attention from that and yes, that is okay and normal and people need to stop acting like showing skin means you're some desperate whore (not that theres anything wrong with people who *are* hyper sexual in any way, Im just venting my own experience here).

Also, there were a lot of comments about why protection and rights matter for Ace people when at their most extreme they are A) not have sex and B) can basically go incognito in society and no one needs to know. But more complicated than that, isn't it? Because first of all, not all ace people are fully celibate (Im not) and all ace people I know personally still want to be in a relationship, just not necessarily a sexual one. In my case I got super lucky with my first major partner in that I was able to explain it to him and have him understand that I only get properly horny once in a blue moon, so if he wants sex, he needs to initiate and if Im really not feeling it at all, he needs to be okay with that. We were able to work out what the sexual part of our relationship would look like and things worked out, but, like I said, we were *lucky*.

And on the topic of commication and safety, that stuff is a two way street, it doesn't always help to be upfront about it. I have a friend who's fully non-sexual Ace and the first relationship they got into after feeling solid in that identity they *did* tell their partner right away that they're ace and explained that they're not interested in anything sexual at all and their partner responded by LYING and saying that he was fully non-sexual ace too, but then months into the relationship he tried to start shit and when she reminded him that she didn't want that he suddenly was talking about how they only think that because they've never had sex before, and they just need to change the medication they're taking because *thats* the cause and it's actually just religious trauma that makes her think she doesn't want it and he effectively tried to gaslight them into thinking they were straight when that is absolutley NOT the case and it's taken YEARS for them to feel solid in her identity again, not to mention start dating again (her current partner is lovely genuinely accepting and Im super happy for them)

So anyway, I just wanted to rant about this because it fucking SUCKS to constantly have people tell you that your too sexual to actually be ace or your unnatural for not wanting sex or your just confused or whatever and it can lead to genuinely horrifying situations of being forced into very uncomfortable situations because you're being gaslit by people who are supposed to and claim to love you.

#acespec #bisexual #pride #bi ace #twitter #relationship #personal rant #homophobia

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cup-of-hot-worm-milk · 14 days

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HEARTBREAK HIGH SEASON 2 REVIEW

Likes, dislikes, and some general thoughts.

TL;DR spoiler free review: I give this season a 6.5/10. It’s not bad but compared to the previous season, it certainly felt like a downgrade. Some of the editing choices felt poor, a few characters that had felt layered and realistic had lost their substance, a couple of interesting plot beats and character arcs were either rushed or solved with very little satisfaction and pay off, and I can’t help but feel a lot of the drama had become far too unrealistic by the end of the season. I had some fun watching the teenage hijinks, and there are stand out scenes/storylines that had me invested from start to finish, but overall I can’t say that this season lived up to its predecessor or my expectations.

Longer rant under the cut! SPOILERS AHEAD!

I’ll start with what I liked and enjoyed (in no particular order):

Cash owns my heart now and forever. Season one had already solidified him as my favourite character, and watching him go through his asexual journey, trying to navigate his relationship with Darren while setting boundaries was… Ugh, so fucking good. I’ve had my own share of relationship anxiety, fearing that because I had no interest in sexual activities that I would be hurting my future partner. Dusty’s whole talk with Cash felt so reminiscent of things people would say to me when I tried to talk to them about my own sexuality. I was so ecstatic when Cash told him to fuck off, because no, asexuals are not robbing their partners of anything. Our sexuality and boundaries in relationships are not problematic or abusive; no person should ever feel like their worth in a relationship is based on whether or not they have sex with their partner. Anyone who says otherwise can fuck right off. I was crying during Cash’s talk with his Nan. 10/10 best storyline.

Quinni not masking was so cathartic. Neurotypicals really don’t understand the stress and mental gymnastics we have to go through every fucking day just so we fit in. It’s so fucking hard and watching her be herself fully was just amazing. Slay honestly.

BI MALAKAI BI MALAKAI BI MALAKAI

All of the Australian pop culture references. So good. Chinese succulent meal. The reference to Scomo shitting himself at the McDonalds. Cash not registering to vote and his friends getting mad at him even though our voting is so shit and never taken seriously (I along with several people I know have written shit on our ballots and have never gotten in trouble ever). THE NUTBUSH. Woodsy’s little jab at Pavlova being from Aotearoa (New Zealand) and not Australia. Ugh, so good. Finally, references I understand /hj.

Amerie and Harper being best friends… Their protectiveness for each other… My heart.

The class camp made me so nostalgic. Can’t speak for every Aussie, but my camp did have the boys sneaking in beer. Although, we all got too scared so we all just had a sip before pouring it all out before we could get caught. We didn’t even get buzzed, lol. Also, the class getting high on shrooms together, oml.

Malakai and Amerie… Ugh, those two… So messy and complicated and I love them.

Props to HBH finally making an authentic (albeit toxic) love triangle. Only took a while but we got one.

Woodsy helping Harper with driving lessons… My heart.

Quinni being so hyperfixated that she survived her snakebite. She’s just like me fr. I also loved the editing changing when it was her perspective. This is her world and we’re just living in it.

Idk his name but whoever played Chook was genuinely terrifying. 10/10, I wanted to smash his face in every time he came on screen. Truly phenomenal acting.

Actually, I’ll give a round of applause to the entire cast. All of them did stella jobs.

And now… the dislikes (again, no particular order):

Spider’s arc. I know some people like him, but as someone who went to school with, and got bullied by dickheads like him, I could not get behind his whole redemption storyline. I really didn’t like how they blamed his misogyny and arrogance on his toxic mother - it felt like they were saying that men are only sexist assholes because feminists obsess over profiling them all as rapists and abusers which is so fucked on so many levels. It just felt like they were given excuses for his behaviour and how it isn’t really his fault, it’s because of his mothers abuse and I am so fucking over that theme. Abuse does not justify shitty behaviours from ANYONE. It can apply context, sure, but I am not going to excuse someone for being a fuckwit just because they have a shitty homelife. I was abused! I had hurt people around me to cope! That doesn’t make it okay!

Also… People like Spider are more likely to be misogynistic because of a sexist environment - not because of crazed misandrists believing all men are rapists. I think it would've been much more believable if instead, Spider hadn’t had a father or a close male role model to grow up with and became very insecure about his perception of masculinity and manliness, so he used society and social media as learning tools to form his personality and unfortunately internalised a lot of misogyny.

The conclusion of Spider’s redemption also felt way too rushed. He only stops joining Voss because the man slipped up while ranting and because he got slapped in the face. In season one, it really looked like they were going to explore how Spider’s insecurities around vulnerability and masculinity made him put up a front to shield himself. During his relationship with Missy, some points almost felt like they were going to full dive into exploring it but then they backed out, or they wouldn’t let the scenes room to breathe before rushing into the solution. I would’ve liked it more if Spider had time to really grapple with his worldviews and how hurtful he was being, and working on distancing himself from sexist ideals. It would’ve felt a lot more authentic imo.

And I really was not on board with Missy x Spider. I don’t know, it didn’t feel like an authentic attraction, just more like the writers somehow needed someone to jumpstart Spider’s redemption journey while also providing a convenient romantic love interest. Maybe it could have worked if they two were given more time to develop an understanding companionship and Missy wasn’t into him while he was still a fucking dickhead? Maybe they could’ve had the whole rival's sexual tension thing work if it was given way more focus instead of just “Boy see Girl doing something sexy and fall in love”? I don’t know, romance and sexual interest isn’t really my expertise, so maybe it’s just a me thing.

Rowan’s whole character was a huge miss for me, holy shit. It’s 2024, STOP MAKING MENTAL ILLNESS A FUCKING VILLAINOUS TRAIT. I don’t even know what the fuck his mental illness was supposed to be. I work in youth counseling and psychology, and none of his symptoms feel authentic. Was it psychosis?? Was he supposed to have borderline personality disorder??? Untreated PTSD with severe hallucination and dissociation symptoms??? Type 1 bipolar going through a severe mania episode?? FUCKING WHAT DID HE EVEN HAVE??? For a show that handled autism so beautifully in these seasons, they dropped the ball so horribly with Rowan. Bad character, bad execution, bad storyline, bad everything. Do your fucking research on mental disorders instead of just writing “obsessive and crazy” hbh writers, fucking hell.

Also, why did he need to have this whole dumb past connection with Amerie? Why did Amerie suddenly have a backstory of being a major cunt and bully? Why was none of her shitty behaviour talked about in season one? You’d think when her classmates were ostracizing her for the sex wall and getting everyone involuntarily sent to SLT’s, they would’ve brought up this shit. Spider and Harper had their personal reasons to dislike her but no one else brought up anything. Why not just have it that in the earlier episodes, Bird Psycho was spreading baseless rumours and misinformation? Then have people divided on whether or not they would believe Amerie when she went to disprove them? You can even have others making shit up to add to the situation for more drama.

Sasha and Zoe… Oof, bad execution all around for those two.

Sasha… Oof. Thought her storyline was going to deal with her hypocrisy around activism and being a sjw invested in identity politics. Maybe some exploration on how applying moralism to activism is never a good thing EVER and that you shouldn’t care about oppression just because it makes you look like a better person - you should care about it because oppression is fucking disgusting and needs to be eradicated. Should’ve known they would’ve just made her into a bad joke. Pouring one out for the missed opportunity.

I really thought that Zoe’s character was going to explore sexual insecurities and how everyone has a different approach to sex. Examining the difference between sexual pleasure and sexual intimacy. Maybe even some discussion on how it’s okay to have sex simply just to explore your own preferences and likes, and how no one - especially women - should ever be slut-shamed for liking sex. But nope, she was a really bad celibacy joke and a plot point for Darren. Yikes.

Speaking of Darren, my fashionable child, look how they massacred you. What was their whole deal with Quinni this season? Did they suddenly forget about her autism? Did they suddenly stop caring about her difficulties with masking? Season 1 Darren “You’re my too much” would NEVER have fucking told Quinni that the world couldn’t play be her rules. Season 1 Quinni panicking in the bathroom at a party? Oh, no, Amerie don’t touch her, that’s not how we help Quinni. We help Quinni by providing a quiet and safe space and reminding her that she is in charge of what we do next. Season 1 Quinni becoming non-verbal due to a meltdown because Sasha was being bigoted? Nope, Sasha you don’t get to talk to Quinni, no one forces Quinni to talk, she will do it when she is ready. Wtf happened Darren? It really just felt like the writers were trying to make drama between them both and decided to butcher Darren’s character to do so. Just… oof. Very bad.

Harper’s trauma being forgotten about or developed after two episodes… What. Nothing about her relationship with her dad, nothing about her relationship with using sex as a coping mechanic, nothing about her PTSD, absolutely fucking NOTHING. Why? She just felt like she was there for other characters to develop off of.

Also, Ant and Harper felt really rushed. I would’ve liked it way more if Ant actually went and befriended some girls before he got into a relationship with Harper, or even if the both of them became friends before they developed a romantic relationship but they really weren’t given room to breathe.

Also also, Ant accomplished nothing?? I don’t remember one significant thing he did this season that gave more insight into his character or that wasn’t just to uplift other character’s developments. It sucks because last season alluded to some religious trauma that I thought we were going to get to explore more. He needs so much more substance than just “haha, funny guy” imo.

Missy and Malakai deserved more to their stories than just relationship drama. Where was their Indigenous culture? Where was Malakai’s ‘gone my country’ story element that helped him last season? We rarely ever get Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander actors able to show their culture even in Australian media, so last season when they brought it up I was so happy but now… No mention of it? Nothing? I loved their friendship and their scenes together but God, I wish they happened more outside of their romantic relationships.

Amerie’s pregnancy storyline felt super rushed. Really wish it had more time to breathe, and to stress the importance of contraception and abortion rights. It all began and ended within one episode… Really felt like it deserved just a little bit more time, y’know? Especially in this day and age. It kind of just felt like last minute drama. Maybe more will come out of it because Amerie told Quinni? I hope the fuck not though because I really do not want Quinni’s character slaughtered.

Cash… Showing Chook… Where he lived… Cash is not fucking stupid. What the fuck was that. Making drama for the sake of elevating the story I guess.

Harper’s and Amerie’s dumb fight in the last episode that was really there so Rowan could have a mental breakdown. Yikes.

Wasn’t a big fan of some of the music choices. Few great songs, few iconic songs (Untouched by the Veronicas my beloved), but overall some pretty dodgy choices. I like BLACKPINK, don’t get me wrong, but they’re not that popular in Australia? And The Cranberries are amazing but again, not really an Australian favourite? Idk, just felt like they were picking from the Top 500 Charts.

Okay, the whole fire thing was really fucking stupid. In 2019-2020, NSW had massive out-of-control bushfires that ravaged the country. We have incredibly intense fire-safety because out country is so fucking flammable. Our sprinklers don’t run on electricity - the heat melts the protective plug on the sprinkler, and then water is released from where it’s stored in the pipes. We have fire blankets and extinguishers. The school would’ve been doused. And by the way, there is no such thing as only two teachers chaperoning formal. Not for 25< kids. And the cohort teachers would’ve been invited to go anyways?? And if a crazed man with fire did appear out on the oval, the students would’ve legally had to evacuate to another safe place. Cops and the firefighters would’ve been called immediately. All of the last episode was just such unbelievable bullshit, oml.

“Oh but the school is really sketchy” Idgaf, that whole fire thing was so stupid.

The afl over nrl holy shit. Like, as a queenslander, that shit really fucking hurt to see, I am so sorry sydney goers.

Alright some general thoughts:

Much of the drama in this season just didn’t feel authentic. Most characters were forced to make stupid or unrealistic choices so that drama could happen rather than just allowing the plot to naturally allow for intriguing stories to unfold. I felt like this season was forcing everyone to be involved in something tremendous at every single point, only then to become overwhelmed with how to finish or solve the issues so it was quickly given a bandaid or ignored in favour of moving onto something else.

The first season had the main issues of separating Amerie from her classmates, of people trying to navigate relationships with all the messiness of being a teenager, and of dealing with things that you don’t know how to solve. Characters were given time to be emotional, to make mistakes but not be villainized for them. Scenes and problems were given room to breathe, there was time for all of the story beats to develop and come together.

This season felt more akin to something I’d see in Riverdale or Pretty Little Liars. Over dramatised problems and a mystery that involved pretty shitty characterisation to pull off.

I still like Heartbreak High, and if there is a third season, I’ll definitely give it a watch, but overall, I’m not very enthusiastic about season 2.

One other thing is more related to the backlash I’ve seen from two of the main characters, Malakai and Missy. Some people are infuriated that these two bisexuals have ended the season in a straight-passing relationship and… Okay. I’m not going to sugarcoat any of this; stop being biphobic cunts. You complaining about these two characters ending up with an opposite-sex partner is biphobic. Bisexuals aren’t limited to only ever being in same-sex relationships, fuck off.

Okay, now I’m done.

#heartbreak high

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anths-girl · 4 months

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I'm not one to try and write long-winded posts or like, get very passionately into a certain topic, or whatever. Mostly for the fact that, for one, my anxiety just makes me believe that nobody gives a shit about what little ol' me has to say about anything. And secondly, the few times in the past I DID kind of…speak up about things, I got such horrible responses that it just put me off ever actually saying anything at all, anymore.

But, BUT…sometimes I just CANNOT shut up. And this is one of those times.

I've lately started noticing this thing where, apparently, if you're asexual - and I AM very much asexual - you're not "included" in the "community," if you're a "straight" asexual. Like, go to my blog, see me posting pictures of like, Kirk Hammett with heart eyes emojis…BOOM, nope, you're not a "real" asexual. You're not valid. You're not included. Because I find men aesthetically pleasing, I'm…a fake? A fraud? Or, not actually asexual at all? Doesn't matter that, when I was 13, a guy I actually thought I liked, wanted to kiss me, and I fucking RAN AWAY. Or when another guy I also thought I liked, touched me, or hugged me or did anything physical, I would get nauseous and so uncomfortable that I pushed him off and made some vague excuses to just get the fuck AWAY. Or that, at the age of fucking 40, I am a virgin, I've never been kissed, AND I ABSOLUTELY DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING SEXUAL WITH ANYONE, EVER?

BUT, again, because I find MEN attractive (to LOOK at), and because I'm sex positive, I've watched porn (and YES, enjoyed it), like sexy movies, LOVE to read (and occasionally write) smut…I am not actually asexual? So…what? I'm just this broken, wrong…thing? That doesn't belong anywhere, because I'm not "attracted" to someone of my own gender? Even though asexual literally means I am not physically attracted to ANYONE? Because I am, according to "normal society," for all intents and purposes, labelled as "straight," I am not worthy of the "community."

The same "community" who is ALWAYS preaching inclusivity, and understanding and compassion? Well, shit, lately it's everything BUT compassionate. I've become wary, or even scared, of saying I'm asexual, because I'm afraid of ridicule. Again, I have pretty damn bad anxiety, and I get afraid when I just post a simple comment on things online, because I just don't have the mental energy to get into arguments or disputes. Though…it SHOULDN'T BE THAT WAY?! WHY does everything always have to end up being about people shunning others, who are different? Everyone talks about NOT hating or excluding people who are different…but then they turn right around and do EXACTLY that. The LGBTQA+ "community" is supposed to be a SAFE PLACE for ALL of us…and yet, now, apparently, the "us" is not…included? I can't be part of that "us," because, what, there's some specific set of requirements I'm meant to fullfil? I'm not asexual enough, because I'm not completely repulsed by sex as a whole, or because I'm a woman, who finds men attractive?

So now, what…it's right back to that mentality of hiding your true identity, because there's nowhere you fit in? Being ostracized because you're not ENOUGH to be part of something that SHOULD be welcoming to you?

Seriously, the world is regressing. Instead of being embraced and accepted for who you are…we get scrutiny, and told we're not good enough to be part of something that is supposed to include us.

So yes, what I'm trying to ACTUALLY say…it's sad and scary and LONELY, to be asexual. It's isolating. Because where we SHOULD be finding support and understanding, we just get hate and scorn. And one would truly think, that in this day and age, that wouldn't happen anymore. But like with everything, people just always have to ruin things for each other.

Because hatred towards people who are different? Will NEVER change. Humanity is still just too fucked up, for that.

#anths-girl posts #on a personal note #asexual #asexuality #ace #aspec #lgbtq community #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtqa+#queer #sexuality #text #discrimination

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 6 months

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AITA for talking bad about a friend to a group of mutual friends?

I (21f at the time) became friends with a woman (31f) due to work. We both started at the same time and felt on the outs. She ended up becoming "friends" with a ton of people there, only to call me on her drive home and talk shit about them. I don't do that fake stuff, I'll be nice and polite and cordial but im not going to talk outside of work.

Anyways, me and this woman, Nancy I'll call her, were friends. I had just turned 21 and she made it a point to get me to have my first drink. It was fine, didn't really like the taste of it but I wanted to fit in. I got drunk but she let me stay at her place no big deal.

Throughout the next year I noticed things were...weird. I should have clued in when she talked crap about other people to me but would talk to them and agree to make plans (she never would follow through).

She started asking me my sexuality. Always. Talking. About. It. She kept claiming I was repressed and I needed to embrace myself, how she would be proud of me. Except the one time I finally told her the truth, I was on the asexual spectrum, she laughed in my face and told me I had something wrong with me.

She then claimed it was because I hadn't experienced sex yet- or had i? That became her next obsession. Virgin, not virgin, half virgin (her words idk). She would constantly ask, even bringing it up in front of other people. It was embarrassing, even if there was nothing to be embarrassed about.

When I say obsessed about these things I mean EVERY TIME we met up outside of work she would bring these topics up (once a week). For almost a year.

There were other small things but I thought I was just being petty or insecure or something. But then the incident occurred. I was at her house and someone we knew was also there. He touched me non-consensually and didn't stop when I made it clear I wanted him to. He would have done more if he could, there was not a doubt in my mind. I was able to get out and get in a different room and lock the door, which he tried to open.

The issue was she knew he liked me. I had just found out that night. She kept encouraging me to drink and I did. I dont blame her for me drinking, that was my fault. I do blame her for leaving me alone with him when she knew I was uncomfortable being around him after he kept flirting with me. I was so drunk I couldn't stand up and she left me.

But she had also drank and I was going to say it was just because of that. Until a week later she got mad at me for kicking the guy out of her house (which I didnt do but I guess he claims i did). She looked me in the eyes and said it would have been my fault if he died cause he also had been drinking. I told her I didn't tell him to leave nor did I kick him out. She said that he said I did. I personally didn't care if he claimed I did because I didn't do that, she should believe me as her friend, and I quote "I literally just left as soon as possible because he groped me".

She looked me in the eyes and told me "I don't care if he raped you, he was drunk and it was my house, you had no right to kick him out".

Again, I didnt kick him out. I did tell him he could stay or leave and I didnt give a shit, but I never told him he had to (even if I WANTED him to).

I was obviously very perturbed by this. I stopped being her friend. I did bring it up once a year later when she reached out and wanted to amend things. She took no responsibility for what she said, claimed I was being insensitive. When I asked her how she thought I felt, she claimed she was a recovering alcoholic and had been drinking that entire time and wasn't thinking straight.

Which I could understand for some things she said or did, but what about when she was sober?

I quit being her friend. A few months back, I was hanging out with 2 mutual friends and a girl I had never met. We all were laughing and having a good time, no drinks involved (ever since that night I haven't drank). One of my friends mentioned Nancy and how we should invite her. I made a face and they asked why. I simply said we weren't friends anymore. They kept pressuring me and wouldn't drop the subject.

I finally told them. I said, and I quote because I remember it VERY clearly, "We aren't friends because she's a despicable person. I was groped and she told me she wouldn't have cared if I was raped. She also wouldn't shut the fuck up about my sexuality and my status of virginity, whether I was or wasn't."

The one girl I hadn't met had gasped and comforted me. The other two was shocked but then shared a few things Nancy had done to them. I felt a lil better knowing that these people also felt bad and it wasn't all in my head like Nancy had claimed.

Well, I just got a message from Nancy. Turns out, that girl worked with her now. Nancy was trying to get a promotion and that girl was actually her supervisor. She was denied a promotion based on her actions. The girl used plenty of examples, none that could quite come back to me and almost all related to work i found out. But I guess one of our mutual friends told her I had mentioned something because she knew. She said it was my fault she didn't get the promotion. She then told me that she was struggling with a newborn and how this would have helped a lot and now the newborn may suffer.

I feel bad for the baby as the baby has nothing to do with the parent. I didnt know when I mentioned what happened to the girl that it would cost her a promotion. I feel sick to my stomach thinking that I did the one thing she did that made me mad, be friends to their face but talk shit behind their back.

I have been banned from the company under Nancy's order apparently, which is fine I can go elsewhere it was just nice seeing people I worked with previously. But now everyone knows something went down. Nancy and her fiance are really coming at me for their troubles and I feel terrible. St the time I didnt think I was the asshole but I dont know now. Should I apologize?

AITA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #rape cw

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