#we love that Tragic Backstory tm

[m-u-n-c-h-y]

Got to give my dnd group some Tragic Backstory(tm) crumbs during yesterday’s session >:3

#dnd #Dungeons and Dragons #dnd character #Mox #satyr #my character #OC #Original Character #we love that Tragic Backstory tm #especially when presented in webcomic format #my art #got the munchy's

[the-sill-of-all-sills]

JJK Chapter 65. The backstory is starting it seems. Only a few pages in so let's do some more predictions.

#sill reads jujutsu kaisen #okay all I got so far was Gojo being like wah why to we have to care about the non magic people #so I would assume Gojo was somewhat powerhungry as a teen? #anyways I do love how Geto has a smaller forhead in the young version #idk thats funny #I still couldn't do any informed prediction about the tragic backstory tm #if I had to gueess off of tropes Id say... #a family burden of some kind #hes been told one specific thing over and over but then finds out his lifes been a lie? #hhh #yeah no I still got nothing #usually Im better at predictions #I am assuming that the scar thing he has is connected with Mahito in some way #in what way? #uhm #he summoned him? #somehow? #and now there is some weird binding between them #idk #and the whole summoning happened for the “kill everyone plan”

[magnorious]

Pixar’s Cars is still way better than people give it credit for

Am I writing an essay on a kids movie that fell out of relevance after the last sequel seven years ago? Yes. Is it my favorite background animated movie to put on whenever I’m working? Yes.

It goes without saying that Pixar’s catalog is still topped by movies like Incredibles, Toy Story 2, Up, Inside Out, Finding Nemo, Ratatouille, etc. Cars sat at the bottom of Pixar’s “best of” list until its sequel came out and people realized how bad Pixar movies could actually be.

But you know what? I love Cars. Is the story as deep and moving and profound as some of the others? No. But it was made with love and after what feels like the past 8 years of resounding “meh” coming from Hollywood and some of the most shameless cash grabs pretending they’re not, Cars remains my feel-good movie. It doesn’t have that classic Pixar “cry your eyes out” moment, no dead parents, no chosen ones, decently low stakes. It’s a good time, anytime.

Why I’m writing this now, though, is because of this: I knew already that the King and Chick were based off real racers, and Lightning’s “McQueen” is another homage, but I looked up if Doc was also based on a famous racer during my last rewatch and found this on Wikipedia:

Doc’s car model, the Hudson Hornet, was manufactured from 1951-1953 for its original run. In 1954, its manufacturer merged with another company and the Hornet was heavily remodeled to boost sales, only the popularity of the car never recovered. It stayed in production until ‘57. It was used in racing and that’s where Doc’s paint job in the finale draws inspiration.

But do you remember what his backstory is? 3 back-to-back Piston Cups from ‘51-’53, a crash in ‘54 that saw him rebuilt, and obsolescence upon his return.

People complain that they “didn’t need to be cars” in this movie. They’re not like the toys in Toy Story where the plot and message depends on them not being human. They’re not like the fish in Finding Nemo. They could have just been humans who drive race cars and it raises more questions than it answers.

You are wrong, Sir.

Doc’s backstory is why they had to be cars. They aren’t human because the story depends on them being machines – as Cars 3 explores more deeply. A human endurance runner can train to be the fastest, running against other humans with the same chances at success (ignoring steroids and socioeconomic opportunity). Humans aren’t running foot races against mutants or aliens where, no matter what we do, we will lose by nature of what we are.

Cars do. A car model is beholden to its manufacturing and all the complications that come with it. Cars are objects that, like toys, have obsolescence built into them. There is no “outdated” way to run a foot race.

So yes, Doc has a Tragic Backstory(tm) but it’s not just that he was some great master at the top of his game once that faded from glory like any human who got too old. He’s a car, and no matter how good he was, how many Piston Cups he won, the powers that be that made newer models with better mileage and efficiency and mechanics were always going to dethrone him.

The movie isn’t about him, though, it’s about another rookie. A rookie who lives life in the fast lane and thinks his time in the spotlight is never going to end when Doc can look at him and know exactly how wrong he is. Lightning is a race car too and, regardless of the existence of Cars 3, Lightning will also inevitably become obsolete no matter what he does to fight it.

I doubt the writers were going for this when they wrote it but that they’re machines is also a criticism of how we treat celebrities. Lightning is an entertaining story until the next shiny starlet emerges and, through no fault of his own, he’s kicked to the curb for the “new”. And that new will be cast aside for the next new and so on and so forth and the only winner is the greedy producer making money off their cash cow until they drain it dry.

Yes, the movie is about appreciating life and the things that you do have and “the friends we made along the way” but that they’re machines matters. Had they all been human, the movie would have lost half its message, and half the tragedy. If they were human driving cars, Doc wasn’t written with a disability so he could have, in theory, hopped back behind the wheel of a new car and still won against younger drivers. He’s not human, he’s a car, and he isn’t built to go as fast as newer models.

Age affects everyone, but a world made by machines that pits machines against other machines in an endurance test is inherently rigged when the machinery being tested can always improve.

It is unfortunate that both Doc and the King go out in wrecks (even though the poetry is nice) and the story doesn’t explore the existential obsolescence of being a machine designed to only do so well and be improved upon – even Lightning still has to wreck out of his big race in Cars 3 before he starts losing to the newer models.

But maybe having a Cars movie that does explore the existential obsolescence of a machine might have gone over kids’ heads. Or, maybe not? They pulled off some very mature themes in Incredibles with marriage problems and presumed infidelity that kids probably didn’t understand but still knew was not good for the characters.

Not to mention all the other wonderful details in this movie: The car-pun cities on all the license plates, the tire tracks in the sky and car-shaped natural phenomena, all the creative sponsoring brands on the racers.

How the “Life is a Highway” montage hits you over and over again with a straight road that cuts through the winding nature (the snaking river, the mountains sliced open to make room), industry that stops for nothing and scars everything in its path.

If you haven’t watched this movie in a while, do yourself a favor and find time to do so.

#disney pixar #pixar #pixar cars #cars

[nightmares-2]

BREAKBEEEEE

Incorrect quotes because im bored and waiting for earthspark season 2!

--

Bumblebee, about Breakdown: Can I tell them they look nice?

Hashtag: Sure.

Bumblebee: Can I tell them I respect them?

Hashtag: Maybe, if they ask.

Bumblebee: Should I show them an oil painting I made of us surrounded by our three cats and four dogs?

Hashtag: …

Hashtag: I’d save that for later.

--

Bumblebee: Yeah, a partner sounds nice, but a supreme enemy you can make out with in secret sometimes sounds a lot more hardcore.

--

Hashtag: I spy with my little eye something that begins with the letter “s”.

Thrash: *looks over at Breakdown and Bumblebee* Mo: Is it “sexual tension”?

--

Breakdown: I love you.

Bumblebee: I love you too. I've waited so long to hear you say that.

*Breakdown and Bumblebee kiss passionately*

Nightshade, to Hashtag: You owe me 20 dollars.

--

Breakdown: Bad news—Robby locked themself outside of their own house.

Breakdown: Good news—we didn’t have to wait around for a locksmith.

Breakdown: Bad news—Twitch finds it very concerning that I know how to pick locks, and tried to unlock my Tragic Backstory(TM). I was too embarrassed to admit that the reason I learned it was because, at thirteen, I figured that was the kind of skill that would impress cute guys/girls/enbies.

Breakdown: Good news—a cute guy/girl/enby saw me do it.

Breakdown: Bad news—it was Bumblebee, and since they’ve already seen me fall out of several trees, cry because I saw a fawn that was just too damn small, and knows I can ride a unicycle, they’ll never think I’m cool no matter what I do. It’s too late. They know.

--

Bumblebee: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake.

Breakdown: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear.

Bumblebee: ...

Bumblebee: You mean ring bearER, right?

Breakdown: ...

Bumblebee: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

#breakbee #earthspark breakdown #breakdown #earthspark #bumblebee #earthspark bumblebee

[jessicas-pi]

EVEN MORE TBAB AU QUOTES

Sabine, T-posing in the doorway: Greetings, Hera. Hera, not looking up from her caf: Good morning, problem child. --- Sabine: You’ve got to learn to love yourself. Ezra: But don't you hate yourself? Sabine: Yeah, but this is about you. Stay focused. --- Okadiah, looking at the Spectres: Okay, so I need to become a therapist faster. ---

Ezra: Did Hera let you get a tattoo?? Sabine: This isn't a tattoo, it's a birthmark. Kanan: I've known you since you were ten and that was never there before. Sabine: Yes it was, you've just never seen me from the left side until now. --- Leia: Why are we friends? Ezra: Poor decisions on your part. --- Okadiah: *Watching Kanan and Hera together* Okadiah: They're cute. I would put them on a boat. Sabine: You mean... you ship them? --- Ezra: In case you haven’t noticed, I’m weird. I’m a weirdo. I don’t “fit in” and I don’t WANT to fit in. Have you ever seen me without my helmet on? That’s weird. --- Ezra: Bad news—Ahsoka locked us outside of the Phantom. Ezra: Good news—we didn’t have to wait around for Hera to come pick us up. Ezra: Bad news—Okadiah finds it very concerning that I know how to hack a ship's lock, and tried to unlock my Tragic Backstory(TM). I was too embarrassed to admit that the reason I learned it was because, at thirteen, I figured that was the kind of skill that would impress cute girls. Ezra: Good news—a cute girl saw me do it. Ezra: Bad news—it was Sabine, and since she’s already seen me fall out of several trees, cry because I saw an abandoned baby Loth-kitten, walk around with a dish towel over my head, and knows I listen to the Mission: Impossible theme inside my helmet during missions, she’ll never think I’m cool no matter what I do. It’s too late. She knows. --- Hera: I don’t need to touch grass, I need the fall of capitalism. --- Kanan, singing: I don’t want a lot for Life Day, there is just one thing I need— Ezra: A family who doesn't disappear. Sabine: Mental stability. Ahsoka: Revenge. Chopper, from the comm system: A corporeal body. Kanan: Kanan: Can you chill for, like, two seconds— --- Sabine: Next time I get possessed, I’m just gonna be like, “Okay, take it from here, good luck sis.” --- Hera, holding a rock: Kanan just gave this to me and said "I feel like you deserve the moon but all I can give you is a rock". Ahsoka: If you don't marry him, I will. --- Sabine: Hera? I mixed redbull with caf and now I can see sounds, should I worry? Hera: Padawan, I swear to the Force— --- Ezra: I didn’t even realize how sarcastic I was being. It’s starting to become a problem, I think. --- Hera: You kidnapped Prince Organa? That’s illegal! Sabine: But Hera, what’s more illegal? Briefly inconveniencing Prince Organa, or giving up on this mission? Hera: Kidnapping Prince Organa, Sabine!!! Ahsoka: Hera, listen. These kids are counting on you to inspire them! Hera: What, to kidnap people?!?! Ahsoka: To work together! Hera: TO KIDNAP PEOPLE?!?!?!?! Ezra: Hera, we all agreed a politician is not a people.

#twin blades and beskar au #lifeswap au #kanera #sabezra #incorrect quotes

[howlingday]

tragic backstory (tm) au) ren learns how to "culltivate" aura mainly it involves infusing aura into his body perminantly, it's important to take it slow especially since he has to borrow aura from the surrounding forest and the animals and plants therein. right now he's only doing his skin. but even that's pushed him far beyond his previous limits why wasn't everyone doing this? a story in which ren gets a little love and learns that his semblance makes it very easy to manipulate aura because he uses it to keep himself calm and focused. super ren is about to make an entrance! (next stages would be muscle, then organs, then bones, then he'd start working on incorporating the ambient aura into his own soul to boost himself that way before repeating the steps again. I'm basing the system off of cultivation martial arts stories)

My Kingdom Comes

Have you ever woken up and asked yourself, "What lie will I make today?" It doesn't happen often, though it still does happen to JNPR- Excuse me, JMNPR's resident ninja, Lie Ren. Today, he would tell no lies.

Ren: (Stirs, Turns off alarm before it goes off)

Ren: (Goes through his morning routine, Looks around)

Ren: (Nudges Nora, Doesn't move)

Ren: (Makes his way to the rooftop, Meditates)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jaune: You're like a brother to me.

Jaune: I couldn't ask for better friends.

Jaune: Do you... think I'm a good person?

Jaune: I'm not a king!

Li: Yes, you are.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shishi: Having troubles, your majesty?

Ren: ...

Shishi: Don't worry, nobody else is here. I was simply walking around this morning, and I couldn't help but notice you were deep in your meditation. Would speaking to a friend relieve you?

Ren: We are not friends.

Shishi: Perhaps not, your majesty, but I am here for you still. (Sits next to him) Be it as a friend, or as a confidant.

Ren: And you are neither.

Shishi: You wound me, my liege. I simply wanted to share the morning sun with you. Would you permit me that, your majesty?

Ren: ...Fine.

Shishi: ...

Ren: ...

Shishi: ...

Ren: ...Why do you hate Jaune?

Shishi: Because he is not you, my liege. Jaune Arc is no king. He holds no seat of power, channels no divinity, and holds no connection to any of the royal families past. And yet, the people still cheer his name as their king when the rightful heir to Remnant is-

Ren: No. I am not. Jaune is my friend, and I would sooner trust my life to him, a man who has proven himself to be a hero with a heart of gold, than to you, a stranger who suddenly arrives and calls me his king. Why? The Mistrali royal family is dead, as are all the royal families of past.

Shishi: ...Mistral. Vacuo. Vale. These were the first three Kingdoms, with each ruled by a royal family. The details of Vale's family may be lost to time for reasons we don't know, but Vacuo know their lineage. So, too, does Mistral. My father, before his passing, was a retainer of the royal family. He served his king with pride, and now so do I.

Ren: The royal family of Mistral died before I was born. And even if I was royalty, do you truly think there are other royal families still alive?

Shishi: Yes, my liege. Yes, I do.

---------------------------------------------------

Gillian: Pardon me, but are you the famous Jaune Arc?

Jaune: ...

Gillian: You are Jaune Arc, aren't you?

Jaune: ...That depends; are you with any news networks?

Gillian: Um, no?

Jaune: None at all, not even a local TV program for the history channel?

Gillian: I promise, I'm here for you of my own accord.

Jaune: Hm... Alright. So, why are you here?

Gillian: Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Gillian Asturias.

Jaune: Oh, uh, okay? Khm! My name is Jaune Arc. (Extends hand)

Gillian: (Takes hand) My, what an impressive handshake you have~!

Jaune: Uh, thanks? So, uh, how can I help you, Gillian?

Gillian: I have a proposition for you, Jaune Arc of Vale.

Jaune: Oh no...

Gillian: I, Gillian Asturias, heiress apparent of the royal family of Vacuo, offer my hand to you in marriage.

Jaune: Oh no, not again...

Gillian: Huh?

Jaune: Listen, Gillian, you're a very nice girl, but you don't have to pretend to be royalty to ask me out. I'm just a regular guy like everyone else.

Gillian: Quite the humble demeanor you have. Perfect for a future king.

Jaune: But I'm not a king. Everybody just says I am because of some really bad prank.

Gillian: Your recent activity begs to differ. You've made quite the spectacle of yourself, Mr. Arc.

Jaune: I'm sure everybody got their laughs in after watching me look like an idiot all over their TV screens. They're all just flukes.

Gillian: Really? One fluke after another?

Jaune: Mhm, and it all comes back to one really bad prank. But hey, if you want to hang out later, I'll be free after some lessons with my sister.

Gillian: ...No, but thank you, Mr. Arc.

Jaune: Please, call me Jaune.

Gillian: ...Until next time, Mr. Arc.

Jaune: ...Yeah. I figured. (Yawns) Man, I must not have gotten a lot of shut-eye. Should probably head back before I fall asleep in the halls.

---------------------------------------------------

Ren: (Deep inhale)

Ren: (Slowly slides forward with his feet, Sweeping wide across the ground)

Nora: Whoo~! Go, Renny~!

Ren: (Fires off five open-palm strikes, Exhales)

Ren: (Air pops with colorful flare)

Nora: Whoa~! When'd you learn to do that?!

Ren: I've experimenting with my aura control, and I've found that if I focus enough aura into my palms, they could form invisible aura bubbles that eventually pop.

Nora: Whoa~!

Ren: (Closes eyes) Unfortunately, it's still...

Nora: Still what?

Ren: (Tilts head at Nora-shaped pink blob in the darkness)

Nora: What? Is there something on me?

Ren: Nora, have you always been pink?

Nora: I mean, have you seen me lately?

Ren: (Opens eyes, Pink aura fades into her)

Ren: Are you okay, Nora?

Nora: (Giggles, Taps nose) Boop~!

Ren: (Smiles) Boop to you, too, Nora.

Nora: (Giggles, Sighs) Are you feeling okay? I saw that sheep-sheep guy coming down from the roof.

Ren: Did he say anything?

Nora: Nah. He just seemed his same moody self.

Ren: Mm...

Nora: Hey, did he say something to you?

Ren: ...It's nothing to worry about. He was just trying to impress me with his history knowledge.

Nora: Ugh! I knew he was a history nerd! Just the way he walks around like he's some kind of royalty! Only Jaune should walk around like that, because he is!

Ren: Funny enough-

Nora: Haha funny?

Ren: Coincidentally funny.

Nora: Darn. What did he say?

Ren: He said...

---------------------------------------------------

Jax: Ah, now there is a fine specimen of a queen!

Yang: Huh?

Jax: Tall, physically tough, and hips certain to bear a lineage fit for conquerors!

Yang: Okay, creep-o, you've got five seconds left to live. I suggest you start running.

Jax: (Chuckles, Coughs) Feisty, too! Perfect. Just the kind of woman I need at my side on the throne.

Yang: Uh, excuse me?!

Jax: Can you imagine it? (Smiles sadistically) You, standing by my side, breaking bones and skulls of anyone who would dare oppose my rule!

Yang: Alright, that's it! I'm stuffing back into whatever hole you crawled out of, you little freak!

Yang: (Swings)

Jax: (Leans in, Hugs her arm)

Yang: Hey! Get off me, you little... You little... (Staggers, Kneels)

Jax: Mm, now this is a sight I never grow bored of. (Deep breath) I don't believe we've introduced ourselves. I am Jax Asturias, your future king. And you are?

Yang: I'm Yang Xiao Long, or would you prefer your future queen, your majesty~?

#rwby #jaune's tragic backstory (tm) #jaune's tragic backstory (tm) au #tragic backstory (tm) au #jaune arc #lie ren #nora valkyrie #yang xiao long #gillian asturias #jax asturias

[kaibutsushidousha]

What are your thoughts on TM takes of Taigong, Nezha and Huang Feihu?

Taigong is always a delight to watch. He wears his crippling fear of disappointing on his sleeve, making him very proactive as a tactician and having him deliver the most transparent lies about his status and confidence. When he succeeds, we cheer because he's generally awesome and we know he was trying really hard to impress. When he fails, we cheer because his reactions are great. There's no losing with Taigong. His relationship with Daji has the standard levels of sexual tension and bitter aftertaste we'd expect, and TM chooses to have him act outwardly mature toward the event he'll never forget. Again, nothing new, but Taigong Wang is a hard figure to screw up for me. The only way to feel unsatisfied about him is by comparing him to his Houshin Engi counterpart, but it honestly feels almost bad faith to raise the bar that high (this applies to every Investiture character in FGO).

Nezha is another of my favorites, but she's harder to talk about because she's been in many main story chapters through hands that write her very differently. The general common ground is that Nezha's demeanor draws a lot from his portrayal in Houshin Engi, which is a directing my biased ass likes a lot for all Investiture characters.

As for Nezha's individual portrayals, she was initially a Higashide profile with the worst genderbend background this series produced to this day. Next, Meteo picked her up for Salem, fitting her as the party member who defaulted to violence at every choice where violence wasn't an option. It's the same brand of humor they use for Nightingale and you probably know how much I love this. Salem also puts a sweet amount of emphasis on Nezha's status as a hero for the children, making her the Servant that bonds the closest with Abby. Later Urobochi has Nezha in SIN as a plot device that didn't need to be present outside Shi Huang's backstory. Then, the transition between SIN and Yuga Kshetra has a Nasu scene of Nezha commenting on the similarities between the natural limitations of hers and da Vinci's artificial lives, which is somehow still the second-best character interaction da Vinci's ever got (the first being Mike).

Lastly, Nezha passed through Minase's hands in Yuga Kshetra, where she was written to her best capacity yet. I imagine she was a miss for most people because Yuga Kshetra is expecting a lot of familiarity with Nezha's character from the player. Nezha's background has still never been given in the game. Materials barely touch her relationship with her father. The best we got is an interlude with Nezha saying she chose to be a benevolent god who treats children because cherishing children is what it means to be the opposite of his father (note: this goes so hard). But when you come to the story with preestablished feelings about Nezha's and Li Jing's relationship, Nezha's visceral reactions to being fused with her father hit like a truck.

And Feihu is tragically boring. They failed to make his moral conundrum feel like a real question. They wasted Tianhua as Saint Graph piece. They debuted him in an event that puts him in the background in favor of Higashide's worst joke character yet. Considering the trend of Investiture Servants drawing a lot from their Houshin Engi characterization, we really need to put Wen Zhong in the game to salvage Feihu's character with the power of peak old man yaoi.

#type moon #fate grand order #taigong wang #nezha #huang feihu

[smolvenger]

Some thoughts on Crimson Peak and the Thomas vrs Lucille who is bad and who is good debate and Why Thomas tends to be more "redeemable" than Lucile- DON'T LIKE DON'T READ/INTERACT, just some ramblings.

tw: spoilers for Crimson Peak, discussions of child abuse, murder, incest, death, and violence.

Warning, I will be more defensive of Thomas than Lucille so if you don't like that, don't interact

Okay, lately there has been a lot of Discourse (tm) on Crimson Peak and the whole thing about Lucille vrs. Thomas. A lot of people's consensus lately being Thomas has gotten way too off the hook- but it is Lucille who is more redeemable and more pitiful.

And I am not saying that both are not sympathetic in their backstories and for what abuse they faced...but with the whole thing about how justifiable either character is, it tends to hinge on one thing-

How consensual is the incest?

And that itself is iffy and left ambiguous, in typical Del Toro fashion (like in Pan's Labrinth, was it all a tragic dream or real? It depends on who you ask) because he doesn't give us answers and leave things open. The books say that it was "a mutual source of comfort" that began when Thomas was nine and Lucille eleven...however, given the fact that they were children when this began and those ages, that is what makes it iffy personally for me and the hardest to wrap my brain around.

Now, personal story time. I...was abused by my cousin when I was that age- I was eight/nine/ten and he was about a pre-teen and early teen. I said "yes" at the time...but I didn't understand what I was saying yes to. I was curious, and I wanted to feel "special"...and then I remember crying and asking him to stop- because, and I cannot emphasize this, though I said yes I didn't comprehend what I was saying yes to because I was *checks notes* a child.

Because children can't really give consent and given the psychological development between a nine-year-old and an eleven-year-old, I find it personally hard to justify the incest as anything but iffy considering their ages when it started. If it began when they were adults and was consensual a la The Borgias, then...uh, fine I guess. But...no, it began as children. So it makes consent iffy.

The other thing is that Lucille is a control freak. We understand WHY she is a control freak after how shitty her whole childhood was. This is a tendency in Del Toro with his antagonists. Captain Vidal in Pan's Labyrinth is a Control Freak and that ultimately leads to his downfall. Everyone loves to quote Lucille's monologue about how everything she did was out of love for her brother- "the horror was for love." And they use it to justify her actions and it is an eye opening monologue.

But no one remembers Edith's response to it:

"That's not true, you suffocate him."

And let me show you what TV Tropes says about their relationship. To paraphrase, she controls his time and actions, guilt trips him to try to kill Alan, and when he admits to loving Edith, she kills him, which tends to be a common pattern in abusive relationships.

Now, with Thomas, the most we can say that he canonically does is A) gaslight Edith by saying "There's no ghosts" when there definitely is, B) Seduce her into marriage knowing what was going to happen as he did with the three other women, C) Agree to poison her and deliver said poison.

And yes, though he DOES want his invention and all that funded, and that is his motivation and why he is implicit in the plot and murders...

He doesn't seem to actually enjoy it.

It is left open ended as to whose idea the giant plot and poisoning was, but it was stated in interviews that Thomas tends to be...bad at being a villain. He doesn't have it in him to directly kill the wives other than being the one to deliver them the poisoned tea (note, Thomas uses poison, which is considered traditionally as "a woman's weapon" versus Lucille actually butchering them with cleavers and whatnot). The novelization says he would leave the house whenever Lucille would kill the wives, showing not just implicitness but implying he doesn't enjoy it. And Rather than kill the dog he just...tosses it outside and maybe it will just...starve or something- and then it doesn't. Lucille actually kills the dog herself to spite Edith.

But the thing is that Thomas shows regret like Lucille...but he is the one to take action to make ammends.

He asks Alan where to hit him where it won't be fatal and delivers him to safety, since Edith is the first one to show him healthy love and kindness with no conditions, he decides he shouldn't go forward and kill her and should spare her, he burns the documents that would transfer the money to them- he shows the least amount of pleasure in being evil and tries to save Edith at the cost of his life, caring for her needs over his at the end. And THAT is why (not taking into effect that Tom Hiddleston being hot plays him) he tends to be more "redeemable" in fandom and fics than Lucille. He shows anger and regret over the crimes...and Lucille shows regret, but only after she sees Thomas's ghost, which implies she regrets killing Thomas.

Though, honestly...the Thomas fans and Lucille fans aren't that different at all. We are BOTH "my poor sweet meow meow is just a lil baby and it's the OTHER sibling who is the bad one *points fingers*" and it also is "look at how BEAUTIFUL my lil bb is and how attractive they are to me! So it's the OTHER sibling who is the bad one! Bc I don't want to boink them like I do this one," so...in the end, we're just the same in different fonts.

Ok, thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

#crimson peak #del toro #just ramblings #don't like don't interact #don't like don't read #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston characters #thomas sharpe

[dainesanddaffodils]

(I realize, half-way through Heavensward, that I still have this in drafts so I'm going to post it now)

Finishing A Realm Reborn, I've decided to make a post about my warrior of light's relationships with the scions/major NPCs, which I'll then recreate at the end of each expansion as a fun way to track how she and these characters grow and change.

Without further ado - Cimorene Geneq's POST-ARR Relationship Vibes

Minfilia - her boss! a very nice boss, don't get her wrong, but her boss nonetheless. Would love to get to know her better but there's never a good time plus she feels like Minfilia is probably the type to be like 'you have to be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my tragic backstory' and Cimorene is like level 3 at best. still likes her though.

Alphinaud - the younger cousin that's closest to you in age that everyone groups you with at the family functions. She would kill anyone who looked sideways at him - and got very very worried about him when the Bloody Banquet went down - but also oooof did she want some space from him sometimes.

Y'shtola - at first incredibly intimidated by her, but that's faded and now she's probably the only scion she would call a Friend. still in like the work-friend sense but like, she would get a drink with her and listen to her talk shit any day of the week.

Thancred - an instant infatuation that faded just as quickly once she realized his charm was mostly surface level lmao Is a little unsure how to interact with him post-lahabrea nonsense as, more than anything, it drove home that she really didn't know him that well beforehand and, like with Minifillia, she feels like there's a barrier keeping her from knowing him better.

Tataru - I, Tangy the player, had a Boring Office Job for a while where the highlight was the very sweet receptionist who also knew all the fun gossip. This is what Tataru is for Cimorene. absolute joy to talk to, want nothing but good things for her.

Yda - a little too high energy to be a work-friend like Y'shtola or even Tataru, but similarly wants nothing but good things for her. will take her side when Papalymo gets on her for anything - in part just because it's kinda funny to watch his reaction when she does.

Papalymo: I, Tangy the player, adore him and therefor so does Cimorene. he and Yda were her first scion allies and she will always have a soft spot in her heart for that.

Urianger - he gives her the heebie-jeebies. he has nothing else to give.

Moenbryda - too good for this world. Cimorene is sad about her death but is also sad about the fact that everyone else is obviously SADDER about it. It's not the first time she feels somewhat isolated from the other Scions, but it does kinda push her to want to change that. (Then the Bloody Banquet happens lmao)

(outside the Scions)

Kan-E - similar feels-like-my-boss energy as Minfillia, except Kan-E isn't even Cimorene's boss. Respectful professional distance and happy to keep it that way.

Merlwyb - Cimorene loves the sea so she chose to join the Maelstrom for that alone. That being said, she does like and respect Merlwyb a lot and doesn't think she'll ever regret her choice.

Raubahn - Didn't know what to think of him early on, and already didn't like Ul-Dah BEFORE shit went down there. Regrets not getting to know him better earlier now that she knows he's a Real One (tm). Cares about him a lot by the end of... you know. Everything.

Nanamo - Man, Tangy the player doesn't know how to describe the relationship between you and someone you, once again, had a respectful but mostly distant relationship who then winds up getting poisoned in front of you, completely altering the trajectory of your life. And neither does Cimorene.

Haurchefant - Love At First Sight, genuinely. I've talked about this so much before but I cannot stress enough how much it took me, Tangy the player, by surprise. she knows he feels the same because as we all know he is Not Subtle about it, but she'd also still really like to have a moment of privacy where they can actually say - or do - something about it.

Aymeric - right now she considers him the Ishgard equivalent of the other city state leaders and, in spite his best efforts she knows, she remains somewhat intimidated by him. he's kind but just. Very Formal. in that very Ishgard way that she doesn't know how to respond to (which is in part why she is so taken with Haurchefant)

-

that's really the main ARR players that Cimorene has any real strong feelings towards so that's where I'll leave it.

We'll see what happens through Heavensward and I'll post again lol

#ffxiv #final fantasy xiv #ffxiv wol #a realm reborn #this is mostly for me but if my other like 3 final fantasy playing mutuals wanna see my character thoughts #here they are

[cgi-heart-eyes]

dndads incorrect quotes

long post ahead

the teens:

Scary: I hate you sometimes.  Normal: Well according to this picture Link drew of us holding hands that's not true.  Scary: Normal, you drew that.  Normal: It doesn't matter

Scary: I just watched Normal jump off of a spinning chair. Luckily, they weren't hurt that badly. But the whole time, Link was screaming for help, which caused Taylor to run in to help Normal. Just note that all of this happened in the span of six minutes.

Scary: Self care is actually getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys.  Normal: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap!  Link: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Self care is the fear in your enemies’ eyes!!!  Taylor: Lmao self care is taking your birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting.  Scary: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.

Scary: I think Taylor was right.  Normal: I'm surprised they haven't marched in here to say 'I told you so.'  Link: They wouldn't do that.  Taylor: You're right, Link. For once in your life, you're 100% right. I would never say that.  Taylor: *turns around, the shirt they're wearing says 'Taylor Told You So' on the back*

Scary: Normal, I'm sad. Normal: *Holds out arms for a hug* It’s going to be okay. Link: Taylor, I'm sad. Taylor, nodding: mood.

Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.  Scary: Shit.  Normal: Wait, three?  Cop: Yeah?  Link: OH MY GOD TAYLOR FELL OFF!!

Scary: Why are your tongues purple? Link: We had slushies. I had a blue one. Taylor: I had a red one. Scary: oh Scary: Scary: OH Normal: Normal: You drank each other's slushies?

Scary: There is no future. there is no past. do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet.  Normal:  Link:  Taylor:  Everyone Else At Scary’s Surprise Birthday Party:  Normal: All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.

dads:

Ron: Why are Henry and Darryl sitting with their backs to each other? Glenn: They had a fight. Ron: Then why are they holding hands? Glenn: They get sad when they fight.

Henry: How did none of you hear what I just said?  Darryl: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.  Ron: I got distracted about halfway through.  Glenn: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

Henry: Everyone, synchronize your watches.  Darryl: I don’t know how to do that.  Ron: I don’t wear a watch.  Glenn: Time is a construct.

Henry: So my therapist was talking to me and she said that I really just need to break down my walls and let people in.  Henry: So I’ve decided to break the fourth wall.  Henry: *looks at camera* Hi there. I use humor as a coping mechanism.

Henry: Physically, yes, I could fight a bird, but emotionally? Imagine the toll!

Henry: I’m this close to falling in love with Darryl. Glenn: Your fingertips are touching. Henry: Exactly.

Glenn: Bad news—Ron locked themself outside of their own house. Glenn: Good news—we didn’t have to wait around for a locksmith. Glenn: Bad news—Darryl finds it very concerning that I know how to pick locks, and tried to unlock my Tragic Backstory(TM). I was too embarrassed to admit that the reason I learned it was because, at thirteen, I figured that was the kind of skill that would impress cute guys/girls/enbies. Glenn: Good news—a cute guy/girl/enby saw me do it. Glenn: Bad news—it was Henry, and since they’ve already seen me fall out of several trees, cry because I saw a fawn that was just too damn small, and knows I can ride a unicycle, they’ll never think I’m cool no matter what I do. It’s too late. They know.

Glenn, explaining why they are not allowed to cook: I put the noodles in the pot and put the pot on the stove and turned the burner on high. Turns out you don't put noodles in marijuana and I almost burnt the whole house down.

kiddads:

Lark, to Grant: I mean, I get complimented all the time- Sparrow: starts cackling Lark: I do! Sparrow: laughs harder

Grant: Yesterday, I overheard Lark saying “Are you sure this is a good idea?” and Sparrow replying “Trust me,” and I have never moved from one room to another so quickly in my life.

Terry: Why don’t you go talk to them? Grant, sarcastically: Oh. Yeah, sure. Terry: What? So you go tell them they’re cute, what’s the worst that could happen? Grant: They could hear me.

Nicky: Sweet dog you got there. Police: Yes, this is our new drug sniffing dog. Nicky: Still training huh? Police: What do you mean? Nicky: Nicky: Never mind.

Nicky: "What are you into?" is such a broad question, like do I reply with a TV series or choking?

Grant: I am going to cry. I’m going to cry until I can no longer physically cry anymore because all the water in my body is gone and I die from dehydration. Terry: Are you okay? Lark: Did you actually just ask them that? Like, you need that to be answered otherwise you won’t know?

Lark: You've got to act tough, Sparrow! Show 'em you can't be pushed around! Show 'em they can't mess with you! Sparrow: Right. Yes. Tough. Got it. Sparrow, standing up on their stool and slamming their hands down on the bar: I'LL TAKE A CHOCOLATE MILK.

Terry: Watcha got there..? Sparrow: petting a ostrich A smoothie.

i’ll probably add more at some point, this was really fun to make!

#dndads

[skaruresonic]

>>pls give Shadow something to do. (stares at a flaming car wreck) actually, you know what, never mind, I'm good. >>the psychic damage you receive from increasingly Hautte Takes that either infantilize Shadow or portray him as an angst vehicle stacks and produces a poison effect. in other words: oof ouch ow my soul >>Shadow angst no longer packing the punch that it used to because by now you've seen it all. And you're internally begging somebody, anybody, to do some shit with him that has nothing to do with Maria or the ARK >>his backstory is plenty tragic already, why are you heaping even more suffering on him. it's not gonna change anything or provide more insight into his character. stop that. >>"if I see one more ~spicy plot twist~ that involves Maria's memory in some way, I'm gnawing on drywall" >>when they make Shadow wax poetic about his fee-fees while calling it "depth." have none of you heard of a kuudere >>God Maekawa can we pls not stuff him into a capsule for the 400th time >>people implying Shadow's base character isn't enough and he needs to be "improved" somehow: ahaha are we here just to suffer >>the eternal irritation of hearing everyone and their brother push the "Shadow mandates" urban legend as truth, when in fact it was the world's largest fandom-wide game of telephone started by some rando on Reddit with absolutely no receipts or proof >>no, he was not tortured by the ARK researchers, they were working on weapons R&D. even if we assumed they were all evil mustache-twirlers, they wouldn't have had the time to strap him to a table. you would know this if you played SA2. >>actually, have you played SA2? >>Shadow would not fucking Say That >>he definitely would not fucking Do That >>conversely, this is not inherently OOC because he has said it in a game before >>actually does have gripes with how limited Shadow's role is in the games while also appreciating the character ST established, but doesn't know how to walk that tightrope without accidentally coming across as "agreeing" with the bullshit idea of fictitious Shadow mandates, or otherwise coming across as though I think ST can never mishandle Shadow, which just isn't true >>you do realize Shadow has flaws right. like he's actually kinda mean and dislikable sometimes. I know, I love him too, but I also have chronic Mean Fictional Man(tm) brainrot and would rather you not sand off his rough edges, pls and thank >>has anyone in this Chili's played Battle? I feel like such a broken record whenever I ask but it seems to need asking pretty often >>reads a headcanon and eyes instantly glaze over because what follows is usually a bunch of uncorroborated bullshit stitched together with loose conjecture >>hehe reticent black hedgie. why are you such a cactus.

[bbq-potato-chip]

What’s your favorite part of Demon Slayer?

OK SO

This is so hard because there are so many parts that are just so good but I’ll try to narrow it down!!!

(kny manga spoilers so watch out !!🚨)

I loved the part in season three where Nezuko conquered the sun and I lived the part when the Kamaboko squad worked together in the red light district arc, I loved seeing them work together when they were fight Daki n gyotaro!

but I’d say the infinity castle arc is just so good as a whole!!! That arc is so good I’ve reread it multiple times, from the kaigaku versus zen battle, shinobu death and the douma battle ,akazas backstory, and then genya…I remember reading his death scene and I started to cry…They weren’t kidding that backstory can tragic…

I really loved the Zenitsu versus kaigaku battle because my boy zen has GLOWED UP ⬆️ 💡🔪💛 but I’m always like WHERES THE REST OF IT WHY WAS KAIGAKU THAT WAY!!!GOTOGUE YOU GOTTA GIVE ME MORE !!! I need to back n read that again but that’s probably be one of my favorite moments even though I do feel like there could have been more! I just wish we could have gotten to see more of their relationship and what kaigaku’s whole Deal(tm) was (I have got to put an analysis post together about that battle. I will figure it out I promise you all I WILL connect those dots!!!) but. Still one of my favorite moments !

And of course the inosuke + kanao battle against douma! (GET HIS ASS!!!) It was such a good moment to see kanao rlly grow as a character as well as inosukes backstory which was neat! Kanao is probably one of the best female characters in shonen that I’ve seen (I will NOT stand for any kanao hate 🔫) I just. I love her so much one day I am going to write a post about her character arc I just. I could ramble on abt her but I am going to hold myself back atm

Anyway I know these are like. Multiple moments so I hope that’s ok!!! I just love like . The infinity castle arc like as one big thing I love how you can see how our characters grow (esp kanao n Zenitsu but the others as well!)

but also in terms of like. Just things that make me happy would probably be the first epilogue chapter, I just love the fact that our main guys get to be happy and live together…it’s found family at its finest…I remember when i first read it I went insane it’s just so important to me that they are happy in the end especially because of my lonely guy Zenitsu FINALLY finding people that care about him it’s just…so…I love it I love it so much!!!

#Anyway I love the infinity castle arc one of the best arcs. #I’m sorry I just love kny so much it so hard tk pick like a favorite part!!! #Kny #demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #ANYWAY thank you SO MUCH!!! I forgot how much I love kny I love talking about it #Kny manga spoilers

[misfittq]

Frankie: Can I get a waffle?

Draculaura and Clawdeen: *fighting and yelling at each other*

Frankie: Can I p l e a s e get a waffle?

—

Frankie: Now, Draculaura , all of us are doing this because we care about you, okay?

Clawdeen: Except for me. I just wanted to see the look on your face.

—

Clawdeen, pointing at Toralei: Are they a Freak (derogatory)?

Clawdeen, pointing at Frankie: Or a Freak (affectionate)?

Draculaura : Why not both?

Clawdeen, to Draculaura : You’re so right, Freak (double-edged sword)!

—

Clawdeen: I never said I was gonna get back together with them. But I was thinking, they're in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave them a call?

Toralei: No. No, Clawdeen, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one: a super volcano. Number two: an asteroid hits the Earth. Number three: All the Evel Knievel movies are lost. Number four: Clawdeen calls Draculaura . Number five: Frankie gets eaten by a shark.

Frankie: I’m Frankie, and I approve the order of that list.

—

Toralei: Why do you look like that?

Clawdeen, laying face-first on the floor: Like what?

Toralei: Like you’re dead.

Clawdeen: It’s because I’m dying. Leave me here to perish.

Frankie: Clawdeen accidentally called Draculaura “babe” in front of everyone today.

Clawdeen: *sobs into the floor*

—

Frankie: *about Draculaura and Clawdeen* They make a cute couple, huh?

Toralei: They certainly are standing next to each other.

—

Frankie: Do you love Clawdeen?

Draculaura : Yeah, I do.

Frankie: Toralei! I told you I knew it! You owe me 100 bucks!

Toralei: We all love Clawdeen. You should've asked if they were IN love with them.

Draculaura : I thought that was implied.

Toralei: ...

Frankie: ...

Draculaura , looking straight at Toralei: Congrats Frankie, you just won 100 bucks.

—

Draculaura : That's ridiculous, Clawdeen doesn't have a crush on me.

Frankie: Yes they do.

Toralei: Yes they do.

Clawdeen: Yes I do.

—

Clawdeen: Bad news—Frankie locked themself outside of their own house.

Clawdeen: Good news—we didn’t have to wait around for a locksmith.

Clawdeen: Bad news—Toralei finds it very concerning that I know how to pick locks, and tried to unlock my Tragic Backstory(TM). I was too embarrassed to admit that the reason I learned it was because, at thirteen, I figured that was the kind of skill that would impress cute girls.

Clawdeen: Good news—a cute girl saw me do it.

Clawdeen: Bad news—it was Draculaura , and since they’ve already seen me fall out of several trees, cry because I saw a fawn that was just too damn small, and knows I can ride a unicycle, they’ll never think I’m cool no matter what I do. It’s too late. They know.

#toralei stripe #draculaura fang #clawdeen wolf #frankie stein #draculaura x clawdeen #robin’s void 🪐 #always pushing my draculaura x clawdeen agenda #they are so in love especially in the live action #rawr

[momokodaisy]

Like yeah, I know John had a wife, but sex still played no role in his films, just pure love. So it was disappointing for the first episode of ‘The Continental’ to have three sex scenes — one happening off to the side in the most lifeless 1970s New Year’s Party I’ve ever seen (people looked more shuffling than dancing), then young Winston has one mostly kept offscreen, so I though ‘okay, that’s a little better’, but then they have two detectives outright naked, showing their backsides and doing the act onscreen for a solid minute, and I was like WHY. This is the ‘John Wick’ franchise. You’re appealing to the wrong people here, we really don’t need to see that. It literally had nothing to do with the plot. And my non-asexual friend hated it too, so I know it’s not just an ace thought in this case. The opening fight was pretty good though.

So I have not seen any part of the Continental TV show, nor will I ever watch it, so I can't give my 100% Verified Critic TM opinions, and thus I will be going off your testimony, Anon. And uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah. It sounds exactly as bad as I expected it to be.

First, just for context for others who maybe haven't seen the films - sex is not at all a thing in JW quadriology. There are no sex scenes, John has no love interests, I don't even think there's an instance where a character catcalls or makes a reference to getting laid. The most sexually charged scene, arguably, is a quick shot of Ares touching John's butt during a patdown. Even the scene where a woman removes all her clothes is written and shot intentionally un-sexually charged as possible and is instead far more sad and tragic. So yeah, throwing sex scenes and sexually-charged nudity into a """""John Wick"""" tv series is. fuckin stupid.

The real problem here, though, isn't that the creators are making unnecessary sex scenes, that's a symptom of a bigger issue. The issue is that the show is not at all interested in what made the John Wick movies work. The John Wick movies are pure action camp, they are over-the-top depictions of guys fighting each other in brutal and violent ways, just done artistically. Rule of Cool is law, and that makes for some of the most stunningly gorgeous visual cinema to date. The JW films can be summarized as "pretty man in suit do murder" and as long as it looks good, that's all that it needs to be. Sure, Kolstad and Stahelski added some crazy worldbuilding that gets more and more ridiculous as the movies go, but again, this is just an excuse for Keanu Reeves to get in a black suit and pretend to shoot a fuckton of stunt guys. None of this needs to make sense. The world John lives in does not need to be logical or realistic, it just needs to service the next action scene. Because, let's face it, this is a classic Greek tragedy unfolding before our eyes, John nor anyone else is gonna have a character arc, there aren't subplots that need to be tied up by the end. We're just here for the spectacle. And that's ok.

However, we live in a disgusting timeline where studios feel the need to a make cinematic universe out of everything, so instead of just fuckin…. giving Kolstad or Stahelski or literally anyone the money and resources to make more projects, they try to come up with shit from an IP. And all Lionsgate really has going for it right now is The Hunger Games and John Wick, so they want something with JW franchise names we know. Hence, a backstory about Winston and the Continental, which literally?? no one asked for?? ever????? If anyone actually cares about Winston's original rise to power, or what John did to hide Sofia's daughter, or what exactly happened in the three-men-in-a-bar-with-a-pencil story, we fanfic writers have already gotten to work on that, I don't need a panel of executives doing that for me. And a part of the appeal of the John Wick underworld is that it's there, it exists, it's just how the world works, and we do not question it. The moment we start asking questions about how it works proves that we've lost the point, which is YO BRO JOHN'S SWORDFIGHTING THE IRON CHEF GUY WITH KATANA IN A GLASS ROOM THIS IS SO SICK

So. yeah. doesn't surprise me at all the sex scenes felt out of place and don't work for a John Wick spin off. Nothing about this premise works as a John Wick spin off. Put shit in, get shit out.

#this is a very small section of a full essay about john wick and ace coding and female gaze me and besties had #which i'd also be happy to talk about if anyone's interested #thanks for the info anon! sorry you had to suffer through that #john wick #sen thinks she's interesting #<-- new tag bc this isn't funny but just me rambling

[howlingday]

tragic backstory (tm) au) having slayed a dragon and saved his friends jaune's kinda feeling himself. well we can't have that now can we?

as per the rules of d&D you let your characters kill something big to make them feel great and have them fight a bunch of small things to humble them. like goblins!

the goblins in question are toddlers, human toddlers I mean. and jaune's mission is to baby sit them

Another War

Jaune: Come on. Come on. ...Da- I mean, darn it.

Nora: Nice save, Jaune!

Pyrrha: Still nothing from your sister?

Jaune: No. I've tried calling her, but I get sent straight to voicemail. I tried calling Mom, but that only gets Mom a locked door in her face. It's not good for her to be shelled up like this.

Ren: It's understandable, though. She likely feels responsible for what happened with Adam.

Jaune: She shouldn't, though! I never blamed her, and I never will. What happened that night was a complete accident.

Nora: Except when you totally kicked that guy's butt!

Pyrrha: As expected of our future king.

Ren: A decisive victory for all to see.

Mercury: (Jamming on his headphones)

Jaune: Ugh... I wish that last part wasn't true.

Pyrrha: Oh! The bullhead is here.

Nora: Woohoo! Springtime, here we come!

Ren: You packed your motion sickness pills, right?

Jaune: ...

---------------------------------------------------

Cinder: And how exactly is visiting a daycare supposed to improve his training?

Ozpin: First, it is a beginner school, not a daycare. Second, it will help him maintain self-control. His training has improved his strength, reflexes, and endurance just fine, but all of that is wasted if he's expended all his energy on the first move.

Cinder: And dealing with snot-nosed brats are supposed to help with that?

Ozpin: Have you ever interacted with children that much younger than you?

Cinder: No, because I don't want to be anywhere near them.

Ozpin: And why is that?

Cinder: Because I don't want to.

Ozpin: You're afraid, aren't you?

Cinder: Listen here, you-

Ozpin: It's only natural. For one reason or another or yet a third reason, children can terrify us. Be it their boundless energy, their piercing cries, or even their fragility itself, controlling your strength when near them can be a most daunting task.

Cinder: ...

Cinder: Hey. Do you really think he can beat her?

Ozpin: As he is now, no. In time...

Cinder: ...Yes?

Ozpin: I hope so.

---------------------------------------------------

???: HAHAHA! Team JNPR!

Jaune: Hello, sir! (Extends hand) My name is- HURGH!

???: (Crushing Jaune) Oh, there's no need to introduce yourself, Mr. Arc! Ever since your debut, the children have been talking about you non-stop.

Jaune: Oh... Really...

???: Of course! You're a hero! Oh, but I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm Johann Trüllen, the headmaster of Springtime primary school.

Jaune: Er, nice to meet you. This is my team. Nora Valkyrie.

Nora: Hi~!

Jaune: Pyrrha Nikos.

Pyrrha: Hello!

Jaune: Lie Ren.

Ren: Hello.

Jaune: And Mercury Black.

Mercury: (Still on his headphones)

Jaune: Mercury?

Nora: (Grabs headphones) Hey!

Mercury: Hey! Hands off, dammit!

Johann: HEY! WATCH YOUR MOUTH!

JMNPR: ...

Johann: (Ahem!) Excuse me, but we have a strict no swearing policy.

Nora: Heehee! Sucks to be you~!

Johann: That's pushing it.

Nora: Wha?! How?!

Johann: Come along now! The children will be excited meet you all!

---------------------------------------------------

Emerald: (Lays down card) Boom! I win!

Ruby: Wha- You cheated!

Emerald: Listen, you might be good, but you're not that good I have to cheat.

Weiss: (Takes cards) I don't know why I'm surprised. A thief would be a decent card player.

Emerald: I don't know what to be more offended by; you calling me a thief or decent card player?

Blake: (Reading) I would say the thief remark. You're not a thief anymore.

Emerald: Tell that to Mr. Bunny Love down the hall.

Blake: Bunny Love? Who-

Yang: (Walks in) Guys, you're not gonna believe it, but Cardin is freaking out right now!

Ruby: What do you mean?

Yang: He's outside, and he's being chased by Professor Goodwitch for tearing up Beacon looking for something.

Weiss: What's so important that he's tearing up campus property?

Emerald: (Smirks) Oh, I can think of a few things~.

---------------------------------------------------

Jaune: And that's why, no matter where you go, or what you do, you should always think before you leap! ...Seriously, you have no idea how important thinking is. Uh, are there any questions? (Flinches from kids clamoring)

Boy: What was it like to ride a horse?

Girl: Do you have a girlfriend?

Boy: What's your favorite color?

Girl: Who's your favorite superhero?

Jaune: (Thinking) I pour my heart out to give these kids the most important life lessons, and they don't care in the slightest... Is this how Mom and Dad felt?.

Nora: (Giggles) I can answer them in order! He hates riding Ichor because he keeps getting stomped on. He doesn't have an official girlfriend... yet. His favorite color is viridian lavender. His absolute favorite hero is The Huntsman. His favorite food is...

Pyrrha: It seems Nora can keep up with them.

Ren: Could you trust anybody else? (Smiles) I've never met anyone has energetic as Nora until today.

Pyrrha: Are you getting ideas, Ren?

Ren: I don't know what you mean.

Mercury: Yeah, sure. Whatever you say, dum-

Johann: (Glares)

Mercury: (Looks away) Dum-tee-dum-dum...

---------------------------------------------------

Jax: Would you stop humming?

Gillian: Pardon me, brother. I heard it on the radio as we came in.

Jax: Well, keep it to yourself. It's hard to think with your buzzing around me.

Gillian: Forgive me. What is our plan?

Jax: We are to seduce this supposed "King" of Vale and their most powerful student as well.

Gillian: How are we to do that?

Jax: In your regard, you must study him. Learn his true nature. Get in close and become the perfect fit for his missing piece. Meanwhile, I shall look over the recent articles regarding his entourage. Power draws power, as you know.

Gillian: Of course.

Jax: Once we find them, we use our divine right as the King and Queen of Vacuo to make allies of them. They become ensnared in our plan, and become servants to the Crown.

Gillian: And if we are unable to seduce them?

Jax: Well... That's when the fun begins.

---------------------------------------------------

Kids: (Waving good-bye, Cheering)

Jaune: (Waves back) Haha, yeah! I'll, uh, see you guys another time, maybe! (Chuckles)

Pyrrha: It was very nice of you to visit the school, Jaune.

Nora: Yeah! Those little kids are gonna remember this for the rest of their lives!

Mercury: Or whenever the next new video game comes out. Who knows?

Ren: I'm sure there are plenty of students who will remember this. There are worse memories they could experience.

Jaune: Yeah, I guess you're right. Oh! Hang on, I just got a message from my sister!

Text: We need to talk.

Pyrrha: Is it from Cinnamon?

Jaune: Yeah! I gotta- Hang on, I think I have a signal closer to the cockpit!

Mercury: Better hurry. They'll be back from their smoke-break soon.

Pyrrha: They don't smoke.

Mercury: Or snack break. Potty break. Whatever! Point is when they get back, you're gonna make 'em miffed.

Ren: Miffed?

Mercury: Look, the sooner we're away from that huge, hairy headmaster, the better!

Nora: Huge hairy headmaster! Huge hairy hearmaster! Huge hairy hairmaster!

Jaune: Come on! Come on! Yes! (Scroll dies, Hits panel)

Jaune: (PA) NO! DAMMIT! SHIT SHIT SHIT! FUCKING COME ON, MAN! WHAT THE FU-

Pyrrha: JAUNE!

Nora/Mercury: (Laughing their asses off)

Ren: (Covering his face) Your PA was on.

Jaune: (Looks down at panel, Confirms light, Looks outside, Sees running pilots and absolutely livid headmaster)

Jaune: AH... CRAP-BASKETS.

#rwby #rwby au #jaune's tragic backstory (tm) #jaune's tragic backstory (tm) au #jaune arc #nora valkyrie #pyrrha nikos #lie ren #cinder fall #ozpin #ruby rose #yang xiao long #weiss schnee #blake belladonna #mercury black #emerald sustrai #jax asturias #gillian asturias

[citrus-cactus]

CITRUS, YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION TO TALK ABOUT YOUR POOR LITTLE MEOW MEOWS

DR. CRINGEFAIL: 2 4 14 21

SAD SCOTTISH MAN: 2 7 20 22

Enjoy!

BLESSINGS BE UPON YE, YOU KIND, HANDSOME, OBSERVANT STRANGER, YOU. MY CROPS ARE WATERED, MY FIELDS ARE THRIVING!!

Ask game here.

Under! The! Cut! Cuz! I’m! Embarrassed!

The one, the only, Noodle-In Chief:

2. When I think I truly started to like them (or dislike them, if you've sent me a character I don't like)

It's not 100% clear to me, but it was definitely around the September timeframe of the novel (the first time I read it, in ‘22). I don't think it was OFFICIALLY too late for me until he met the Harkers at the end of September and Mina was like "Hey Jack. JACK. You keep your diary on all these wax cylinders, and they're not even LABELED?!" And Jack was like "...Um. Yeah, actually... that never even occurred to me." gOD, you IDIOT <3 (I may be paraphrasing). But it was this and several of his earlier blunders paired with his dogged determination to remain genre-blind and skeptical of everything that he was witnessing that ultimately endeared him to me. There Is Most Definitely Something Wrong With Him (derogatory) (affectionate).

He’s truly a problematic fave, but he’s my favorite character in the novel nonetheless!

4. How many people I ship them with

Um, the entire vampire-hunting polycule? THIS MAN DESERVES ALL THE KISSES where canonically he has none, and he deserved to be one of Lucy’s three husbands, fr fr :(

14. Best storyline they had

The incredibly tragic story, told in his own words, of how John “Jack” Seward, MD had to watch the woman he loved waste away and die of a mysterious ailment, interspersed with personal asides regarding how full of vigorous manhood all of his friends are, and how his former professor is so incredibly hot good at everything and spry for his age, but who also may be (in Jack's professional opinion) a touch crazy. Peak sopping wet noodle time, it’s amazing <3

21. When do you think they were at their happiest?

September 30: "I got home at five o'clock, and found that Godalming and Morris had not only arrived, but had already studied the transcript of the various diaries and letters which Harker and his wonderful wife had made and arranged. Harker had not yet returned from his visit to the carriers' men, of whom Dr. Hennessey had written to me. Mrs. Harker gave us a cup of tea, and I can honestly say that, for the first time since I have lived in it, this old house seemed like home."

BUDDY!!!! T^T

"JUST SOME GUY(tm)”:

2. When I think I truly started to like them (or dislike them, if you've sent me a character I don't like)

I mean, I’ve always liked him quite a bit (that voice, that tragic backstory, that Shakespearean flavor). But for whatever reason I didn't become obsessed until my rewatch last summer. CanNOT stop thinking about this man, the former king who has really just been a pawn his entire life; what he thinks, what he feels, how he's been going through the motions while searching for the one who betrayed him, yearning for a death that will not come for as long as he has. HE’S JUST SO SAD, YOU GUYS!!!!!

7. A quote of them that you remember

Every word that comes out of John Rhys-Davies’ mouth is SO GOOD, but the quote that sticks out the most is (of course) "KNOW her? I NAMED her." GODDDDDDD it's infinity good and I never get tired of hearing it, not even once (and since they use it in every relevant "Previously On," you hear it A LOT). It's ok though, because they 5000% knew what they were doing with that one.

Some other choice one-liners:

"I'm just… so... tired" is also top-tier delivery, and does a really great job of summarizing his entire existence since 1057.

"And I know how to read them" is such a sassy retort (and a GREAT callback to “Lighthouse in the Sea of Time”).

“For that matter… WHY ARE WE WORKING TOGETHER?” is sooooo *chef’s kiss.* Enjoy being a walking, talking meat puppet with your worstie for several more months, my guy!

20. A weird headcanon

Ummmmm soooooo I designed a gargoyle form for Mac as my headcanon for what he would've looked like in "The Mirror" (of course I did). My Watsonian explanation for why we didn't get to see him that night is he was way too busy getting drunk off his ass and crying over his long-dead wife (yet again) :C

22. When do you think they were at their lowest?

990-some-odd years is a looooong time to find your lowest point. Even though moments like Gruoch’s marriage to Gillecomgain, his first “death”, and the endings of “City of Stone” and “Sanctuary” were pretty low moments for him, I’m quite sure his lowest point was never actually seen on the show (centuries-long depression isn’t exactly Disney Afternoon-friendly). The day(s) he found out about Luach and Gruoch’s deaths were obviously waaaaay up there. I imagine he had a really rough time of it during the Black Plague, so I’ll say his lowest point was somewhere in there :C :C :C

I do hope he was able to enjoy the Renaissance a little, tho. I’ll bet he commissioned a lot of art.

If you’ve read this far, THANK YOU FOR PUTTING UP WITH MY RAMBLING ABOUT THESE SAD, SAD FICTIONAL MEN!

#the cactus speaks #seward………………. #macbeth mac findlaech #DON’T LOOK AT ME!