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#we see some of this in s9 i think
flugame-mp3 · 19 days
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SEASON NINE FINALE WAS WILD. I HAVE MANY MANY THOUGHTS. WHAT JUST HAPPENED. A FUCKING ROLLER COASTER FOR SURE
#theo.txt#I DID NOT REALIZE DEMON DEAN WAS NOW#DESPITE KNOWING THAT YEAH HE LOOKS ABOUT THAT AGE OR WHATEVER IN THE SCREENCAPS IVE SEEN#WHEN I TELL YOU I CHEERED AT THE END WHEN I REALIZED WHAT WAS GOING ON!!!!! i love crowley pulling some bullshit at the last minute. classi#king of hell shit#and in the end scene where it's just mark sheppard's stellar monologue and the EYELID NOISE... chefs kiss that got me so hyped for s10#i do think this finale got me really interested to see what s10 brings generally#AND DOESNT ROWENA SHOW UP THIS SEASON?? WE LOVE TO SEE IT IM EXCITED#rip gadreel though he was an interesting character. sad he had to die just to prove a point and blow up a cell. but a fitting end ig?? :(#i also loved cas's plan at the end though with the angel radio thing. get his ass lol#but also god i felt so bad for him. can the narrative give him a fucking break. he is trying his god damn best#the curse of free will and the curse of loving. painful but you do it anyway. castiel when i get my hands on you#also if i am not mistaken... the shot parallels to sams first death with deans death... we cry#IS SAM JUST GONNA BE ALL ALONE NOW?? I ASSUME CROWLEY TAKES DEAN WITH HIM?#OH NO 😭😭😭 SAM BABY IM SO SORRY#not that he doesnt always have a rough time but he has a particularly excruciating season. someone give this man a hug#i feel for him very deeply#'i lied' 'ain't that a bitch?' got me. i hate them. SOOOO brothers.#anyway#AAAAAAAAUGH#also why was metatron the worlds number one destiel shipper at the end of the season here im DEAD. MULTIPLE pieces of dialogue hes like 'yo#did it all for HUMANITY... for your ONE HUMAN of CHOICE... the HUMAN who motivates you...' JUST CALL HIM A SLUR WHY DONT YOU#im dead#idk what the general community thoughts are on that episode but i did enjoy it. wild fucking ride from start to finish#s9 wasnt my favorite and definitely did not hook me in the second quarter for some reason. def was not as compelling as like s7 for me but#the points that i liked i really enjoyed#loved sam resorting to summoning crowley. he wants his ass dead SO bad. i think sam deserves the world after the shit he was put through#this season#anyway overall. i am gnawing on the walls and pacing around my room at incredible speeds. what is UP with this show.#man.
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destinysbounty · 5 months
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A lot of people like to gripe that Harumi's motivations didn't make a lot of sense, but honestly? To me, I feel like that was kinda the whole point. She's a traumatized kid lashing out at the world, trying to justify her actions with a false veneer of morality - when it truth she just wants everyone to suffer like she did. She wants to feel like she is doing something good, that she's saving the world, but in truth those are just lies she tells herself to help her remain in denial of the fact that she is just a scared, broken child.
"I want you feel the emptiness that I feel!" Of course she didn't have a motivation that made sense!
The thing we need to take away from this isn't "well Lloyd's been through way worse trauma and he turned out okay". The takeaway should be, "people have the power to heal from their pain, but only if they're given the support needed to do so." Lloyd had the ninja there to guide and support him and show him love. Harumi only had her gilded cage of the palace and the emotionally distant royal family.
It's important to note that Lloyd and Harumi are inverse parallels of each other. Where Lloyd's arc began, hers ended (in s9 at least). Lloyd started off as a lonely, traumatized kid with no support system, who unleashes forces beyond his control out of a misguided idolization of Garmadon. But then he's given a home and a loving family, and he's able to become the hero we all know and love.
Harumi's the inverse. She started off with a home and a loving family and a support system, but it all got torn away from her. And in her isolation and neglect, Harumi languished. And when we meet her in s8, what has become of her? She's a lonely, traumatized kid who unleashes forces beyond her control out of a misguided idolization of Garmadon.
She hates Lloyd for the same reason Lloyd never gives up on her, even as late as Crystalized: they see themselves in the other. They're equal and opposite reflections of each other. I think on some level, both of them are subconsciously aware of this.
Harumi resents Lloyd for receiving the life she was robbed of, and Lloyd pities Harumi for falling victim to the life he left behind.
Harumi looks at Lloyd, son of Lord Garmadon, and thinks it should have been her. Lloyd looks at Harumi and pities her, seeing nothing but a broken shell of his past self. This is why Harumi wants to break him and revert him to that past shell. This is why Lloyd never gives up on her, always holding out hope that she can change.
So yeah. Harumi's motives don't make sense. And personally, that's one of the things I find most interesting about her.
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yamujiburo · 7 months
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POKEMON SERIES RANKED (IMO)
I get this question a lot and haven't made an updated list with Journeys
Original Series (S1-S5)
Sun & Moon (S20-S22)
Chronicles (S0)
Diamond and Pearl (S10-S13)
Advanced (S6-S9)
Journeys (S23-S25)
Black & White (S14-S16)
XY (S17-S19)
Original Series (S1-S5)
OS had that first season charm. Very unpolished, still finding its footing but super enjoyable for those reasons
Probably the strongest series comedy-wise
That GORGEOUS 90s anime style
Main character dynamics were REALLY strong
Ash's personality felt much more like a shitty little 10 year old which was entertaining
Dub writing was also the best hands down
Sun & Moon (S20-S22)
Honestly tied for first with OS for me
REALLY fun ensemble cast! They do a fantastic job giving each character enough time for you to get to know and care about
Excellent modern anime style that perfectly fit the vibe of the season and allowed for some of the best character animation of the show's run
Finally figured out how to write Ash like a 10 year old again (but in a kind/sweet 10 year old way as opposed to OS)
Very different from previous series in terms of the formula they'd follow. Doing a school series instead of another "8 badges to championship" plot felt new and fresh!
This series genuinely made me cry the most (MEMORIES IN THE MIST!!!!! LIKE ARE YOU KIDDING ME)
Chronicles (S0)
Fun concept! It was really nice to see more of the side characters without Ash there. We get to see more of Misty, Tracey, Daisy, Brock, Ritchie, Oak, Delia, Butch, Cassidy, Jessie, James and Meowth!
Stylistically really nice. Just solid drawings all around and it retained the 90s anime style in digital form more successfully than other digitally done series imo
BUTCH AND CASSIDY!!! Team Rocket centric episodes!!! Training Daze!!!!!!!
Idk how possible it would have been (seems like a TON of work) but it made me want one of these in between each season, where we'd follow the characters that Ash had just said goodbye to for the next region.
Diamond and Pearl (S10-S13)
Series I grew up with! Honestly I was kinda a hater as a kid but having watched it back, I love the series
Love that Ash and Dawn were bros. They had a really fun dynamic.
Debatably peak Team Rocket. They had some of the best Team Rocket centric episodes this series.
Contests were really fun and a bit more figured out compared to the Advanced series
Fun, memorable rivals for Ash (Paul and Barry) as well as Dawn (Zoey, Kenny and Jessilina sometimes)
This is unfortunately where I stopped caring about Ash as much. He feels kinda watered down for the next couple series.
Advanced (S6-S9)
Pretty tied up with DP for me
Really fun series! Still had some of that early Pokémon charm
I appreciated that they put Ash in more of a mentor role for May (but he still had a lot to learn himself).
Ash and May constantly butting heads was really fun
May was a very compelling character to me, being very clumsy, kinda lazy, directionless, not really into Pokémon, etc. But then over time, she comes around and finds something she's interested in!
Journeys (S23-S25)
I love the episodic take as well as the way they let the characters jump around from region to region at random
Goh was a GREAT travel companion to Ash. They contrast each other nicely, have moments where they get on each others' nerves but still get along and have a mutual admiration for one another.
It was fun that they made Goh's thing catching every Pokémon (the motto of the entire series) so they could focus on Ash just training and prepping for Worlds.
Amaaaazing style. Took the great parts of classic Pokémon, roundness of SM and blended em together for a really fun look.
Black & White (S14-S16)
I don't think it's that controversial to have BW this low haha
I did enjoy Iris and Cilan but it felt like the writers didn't reaaally know what to do with them? Also this was their first time in a while not having Brock and it shows. I feel like Brock was successful because he was grounded and lower energy compared to the rest of the kids. Having 3 pretty eccentric characters is kind of a lot. No hate to the characters in the slightest, there was just not as much balance.
I think maybe they leaned on Cilan and Iris for more comedic relief because they killed the comedic relief that was Team Rocket this series. I appreciate them trying something new with Jessie, James and Meowth but I don't think it worked very well lol
XY (S17-S19)
I've ranted about this series a lot LOL. I get the appeal of it, but it just wasn't for me. I felt like it was the weakest comedy-wise and took itself a bit too seriously for my taste
My main gripe is that Serena, Clemont and Bonnie all like,,, worship Ash. By doing so, Ash begins to feel like a side character because we're constantly looking at Ash through their eyes. There's so little conflict within the group so their dynamics feel really flat. I think this dynamic could have worked if they leaned waaay more into Ash being a mentor and maybe feeling the pressure of having to be a role model for the people around him.
Team Rocket very much feels like an afterthought in this series. They did in Journeys as well, but at least in Journeys they were doing something silly and also had a handful of episodes dedicated to em.
Outside of that, the episodes weren't super memorable for me
I think it's just frustrating because there was sooooo much potential character-wise
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whateverisbeautiful · 3 months
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♥️ Ranking Richonne
#7: How'd I Get So Lucky Finding You (S9E01)
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Imagine feeling lucky in a fallen world. 🥹 Losing so much and still feeling like you won because you found the ultimate love of your life. 😭 It’s beautiful and powerful that Richonne’s love is so strong that it has them feeling fortunate even after enduring a series of unfortunate events. And in this stunning scene, we get to see so much of why Rick and Michonne have an everlasting love. This scene is an absolutely heartwarming delight and it features my favorite thing Rick has ever said to Michonne in TWD 😍...
I will forever love the state of Richonne’s relationship in s9. They finally had time to breathe and be a family with Judith, and I loved every moment they got to relish in being together.
I always knew Rick and Michonne wouldn't be the type of couple who were only compatible in fight and survival mode - they're equally compatible in just living and being mode. 
So I appreciate that this scene takes its time to just be as the two cuddle up and showcase yet again why they work so perfectly with each other. They truly belong together and fit together like two pieces of a puzzle. 🥰
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Also, I will always like that this scene of Richonne snuggled up in bed takes place in the Sanctuary of all places. Just more proof that nothing, not even the oppressive reign of Negan, was going to break Richonne because now Rick and Michonne are up in that batty man's crib fully immersed in their sweet Richonne bubble. 🤗
They just feel so married with Rick washing up and then getting in bed with Michonne as the two just instinctively get wrapped up in each other. And the way Rick kisses her forehead. 🥹 It’s always so clear that they feel the most safe to completely decompress and let their guard down with each other and are so precious to each other.
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And I’m just giddy every time I hear Michonne adorably and playfully call Rick “the famous Rick Grimes” with that shoulder shimmy while resting on his chest. Perfection. 👌🏽
I love their teasing banter and how she’s addressing the way Rick's a legend to the people. As he should be. And Rick’s playful, "don’t you start too" response to hearing her say that is just great. 😊
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It’s adorable that she plays with his beard while noting that the reverence people have for him is sweet. She gets it. She says, “just don’t let it get to your head” and Richonne tones for the win once again in this scene. 😍
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And again the two bring up Maggie and how they feel for her since she has to deal with losing that Hilltop kid, which is particularly sad too because R&M lost their own teenage son just about a year and a half ago.
Rick and Michonne then have this moment where they both just take a synchronized deep breath and these two seriously always feel like one, especially in the way they breathe in this moment. 
I like how Rick seems tired as he closes his eyes, but then Michonne says his name, and he can always be awake and alert for her when they need to talk.
I really like too how Michonne and Rick both get honest about the fact that they wonder if they should have just killed Negan. To which I was like, yes...
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But I appreciate that Michonne says "we" when talking about this choice because she and Rick are a package deal. Saving Negan without consulting the others was Rick’s most controversial move among tf, and it clearly had some tf members feeling understandably upset. But it’s nice that, by saying "we," Michonne doesn’t make Rick feel like he was alone in that choice.
Rick thinks the Saviors just want food, not Negan back in charge, and Michonne reminds him they don’t know that for sure, which is valid, and it’s great they can communicate like this.
And then I love that Michonne lets him know she’s been thinking about an agreement between the communities and that she maps out the idea with her hand over his heart. Their closeness really is unparalleled.
Also the way Rick is looking at his wife throughout this scene is um...it's gold and damn near made me lose my train of thought so let me get myself back on track lol.
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I love that Rick affirms Michonne's idea, telling her it’s good and smart, and how he looks right at her while saying it could bring people closer together. And the way Michonne touches him. I love that they really don’t take their hands off each other for pretty much the entire scene. 😊
And then Rick opens up and lets her know what's on his mind as he shares that Daryl isn’t happy, and it makes him worried about things breaking down. Scenes like this are why I believe Michonne is not just Rick's wife but truly his best friend. They always can confide in each other and express everything going on inside - their hopes, ideas, worries, and fears.
It’s sweet that Michonne acknowledges the validity of what Daryl feels. And Rick groans a bit and says Daryl cares too much sometimes. I appreciate that Michonne can sense Rick's headspace so clearly here and doesn’t want a divide to be caused between those two brothers (even tho it ends up being a bit too late sadly).
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The way Michonne whispers 'hey' and then gently turns Rick's face towards her, it’s like a visible illustration of how she centers him and reminds him to stay focused on the good and how to move things forward. And of course, Rick is receptive to this redirection as he looks into her eyes. Love it. 😊
Michonne acknowledges that if Daryl is worried then there’s a reason. And again, because R&M are a package deal, she asks, "What do we do about it?" knowing however they handle it, it will be together. 
And then, like a well-oiled machine, Rick says he thinks they need to fix that bridge, and Michonne says she'll get the people to agree to a charter. Look at these leaders making big community decisions all while snuggling in bed together. 🥰
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So then it’s Rick’s turn to do some teasing when he asks if it’ll be a "charter or constitution?" Again, I love how lines like these show Rick and Michonne know each other's humor as Michonne amusedly confirms it'll be a charter. And it's just sweet too cuz, while they're playing around, I'm sure Rick fully believes Michonne would be capable of drafting up a whole effective constitution for the new world lol.
Their synchronized smiles at this moment are seriously the best. 🙌🏽And then Rick kissing her three times is even better. The way Michonne smiles at him. The way he always has to come back for more. I live.😍
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And I just absolutely love getting to see Rick and Michonne in such a relaxed happy state. Scenes like this make it so clear why Rick and Michonne haven't moved on from each other after all those years apart. You don't move on from a love like this.
Richonne gives each other joy like no other and this whole exchange shows how they work so effortlessly together as leaders and lovers. What a pair. 🤩 As Andy said, they truly are perfect partners in this imperfect world.
Plus it’s just always so sweet that two of the strongest, fiercest, most intimidating warriors in the world find each other so cute and cuddly. 😋
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Y'all, Richonne + cars is a thing, and also Richonne + candle-lit scenes too, because they are always A1.
...But then the candles get blown out, and this scene proceeds to reach its peak of perfection. 🤩
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As someone who loves a lengthy Richonne scene, I remember first watching this ep live and being so happy that they weren’t cutting away from them once the lights went out. I had no idea it was because we were in for something so heavenly. 😇
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Cuz they turn off the lights and then immediately wrap their arms around each other again to go to sleep and it’s always so sweet seeing Rick softly touch her hair. All the little gestures just feel like this person in their arms is their treasure who has their whole heart. #ILoveEveryRichonneDetail
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Then....y'all then Rick opens his eyes to utter the greatest thing he's ever said to Michonne thus far - “How’d I get so lucky finding you?”
BEAUTIFUL. Powerful, meaningful, romantic, fitting, perfect. I could go on. 👩🏽‍🍳💋
I love the delivery of the line because it really feels like it’s this reoccurring thought for Rick that, at this moment, his mind was thinking and just had to utter out loud.
It's fitting he’d say this after the convo they just had because it really did capture why Michonne is so perfect for him, and I love that he knows it and vocalizes it. Michonne is a genuinely phenomenal individual, so it makes perfect sense that Rick feels not just happy but lucky to have her.
And just to think about their journey and know that we’d arrive at a point where Rick reflects on when he met Michonne and feels so personally lucky to have found her. 😭 She’s his soulmate, and he knows it wholeheartedly. 
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And I love that beyond literally finding each other, there’s something deep about the way Rick and Michonne found each other in their truest form. They saw each other in a deeper way and brought each other back from the lost state they were in. 
Also, I always think it’s sweet how Rick said this with zero other motives - this was just his abundant love for her pouring out. I’m so grateful that in Rick's final season, they didn’t give him and Michonne any tiffs or division, but rather showed that they have only grown closer and more in love since the last season. 
Like after one of the series' longest time jumps, I adore that we return to a Rick and Michonne who have clearly spent the last year and a half strengthening their bond even more, and healing, and fully enjoying their life together. They are really and truly an unbreakable unit who only fall more in love the more time they spend together.
When I think about all Rick and Michonne have been through together and all they’ve built, it’s just the absolute greatest thing to know Rick thinks about his life and feels so sincerely lucky that he found Michonne. We knew that the day they found each other at the prison fence was life-changing, and it's great to see them two know it too.
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If you were to tell Season One Rick that he was going to eventually lose his son, Carl, but would still have family that made him feel like a lucky man, he'd probably think you were crazy. And yet, this is the power of Richonne. The family found between Rick and Michonne runs so deep and is so authentic that, even after the most painful loss imaginable, Rick knows he still has so much to live for because he has Michonne and Judith.
Then it’s so sweet that Michonne hears Rick say this heart-bursting line and takes his hand because she feels the same way, and is likely thinking that's the...
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#DirectQuoteFromHerMind you already know. 😋
And then Michonne softly tells Rick, "We both lost enough, it’s time we won a little don’t you think?" My heart. 😭 This moment is everything.
And y’all, I had gone back and re-read one of my old Richonne in Retrospect posts from several years ago where I reflected on a s6 scene between Michonne and David, that Alexandrian who got bit in 6.03. In that 6.03 scene, David talks to Michonne about his love story which completely and intentionally mirrors Michonne's own love story with Rick. And in that old post, I wrote this: 
"Rick and Michonne finding each other in all this is really one of the best things that happened to them. And in this type of world people take a whole lot of L’s so it’s cool that they were actually able to find such a big win in finding each other…and if R&M ever verbally imply a similar sentiment to each other about how finding each other in all this was everything, this will literally be me…"
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So the fact that over a year after I wrote that, Rick and Michonne express exactly this...😭🙌🏾😭 It is the best ever. And just as I predicted, that gif above was and still is me whenever I watch this scene. It is just so powerful for Rick and Michonne to feel like amid all their loss, they still won big time by finding each other and falling in love. 
And then Michonne so lovingly kisses his hand, and Rick is perfectly content with that exchange as he shuts his eyes. But then, once again, the gift that keeps on giving gives us even more. 🤩
Cuz Michonne turns to look at him and then Rick...y’all, I’ll never get over how he looks at her right here. Like he looks right at Michonne with a breathtaking look that says, “I’m wholly and completely yours” and so clearly shows that she seriously means everything to him.
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(also! y'all, I wrote this whole post before that V-day trailer, and so the fact that we've now got to hear Rick directly say, "I am yours," before the show even officially premieres 😍😍😍 my goodness TOWL is just blessings on blessings)
So then they kiss and it wonderfully ramps up with Michonne getting on top of him and reiterating "the famous Rick Grimes." 😏
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…except this time, i think sis means he’s famous for reasons only she knows about. and that’s their business. 😋
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As Danai has noted before, Rick knows how to make Michonne vulnerable, and Michonne knows how to make Rick laugh, which is just sublime.
And the way Rick laughs at the close of this scene - you know that if there’s one person he likes being "the famous Rick Grimes" to it’s Mrs. Grimes. 😊
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Y’all, this whole scene blessed us ten times over. Our ship has it all. And we really do get whatever we want lol. 💅🏽
(Side note: it's also important to note that we don't just get whatever we want as some sort of forced fan service from the show. (Considering Gimple was planting Richonne seeds before viewers had even seen the two on screen together, that fan-service take simply can't be true). The real reason we get what we want is because the very love story we want to see is also the very love story the show wanted to organically craft. These TWD writers, actors, producers, network/production companies etc, fully recognize Rick and Michonne's relationship as a special marriage with crazy love between two tethered soulmates, and we're just in agreement and alignment with that. And I feel fortunate that the canon story being told is as beautiful, romantic, and authentic as we wanted and knew it would be)
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I’m so grateful for this tender scene and that these actors are so capable of playing every shade of Richonne perfectly. Like we got serious, playful, romantic, steamy, and utterly heartfelt all in this one scene. 🙌🏾
And while Rick has expressed feeling so lucky to have Michonne in the way he looks at her for many seasons, it was wonderful to hear him also outright verbalize that in finding her he found a true reward. He doesn’t take her for granted, and Michonne doesn’t either, knowing that he is her win in all this too. 
This moment is also beautiful because Rick and Michonne are two selfless individuals who have been put through the wringer on their individual and shared journeys yet still remained dedicated to giving their all to protect their people - And then the universe sent them each other and said ♡ you deserve to be taken care of too, ♡ you deserve to be held too, ♡ you deserve a gift that's just for you too. ♡ oh and also the gift that we're sending you is...
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Rick and Michonne are each other's blessing. This scene solidified that beautifully.
They won because of each other, and we won with special scenes like this that contribute so much to Richonne’s perfect love story. 😌
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shepscapades · 5 months
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OKay so we know he lost the arm sometime seemingly mid S8- then he loses it to etho again now in s9
As always Dinnerbone remains the most possible suspect (might have something to do with the deviency thing bc i dont think doc being like all of 2 years old has managed to commit as many crimes) but X doing a fuck up is possible. Also ig like half of my silly ideas. the only reason mumbo only hacks one arm is bc in the comic we only every see Docs pretend-flesh arm and cant see if the other one has or doesnt have its casing. also i really doubt that but i wanted to clarify. but also holy shit that would be funny.
My cat is laying on my feet so i have nothing better to do but Ponder. What are your secrets Docm. Also he loses his goat horns n other things when switching seasons so like that could mean something
Sorry for. sending so many. I am Invested.
Docs arm guy
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I WILL say, only because it’s confusing and doesn’t have major plot relevance, the horn thing isn’t consistent for this reason (i was bad with drawing them consistently and had to come up with a reason for it to make sense). I do like the idea though that, when doc adds them back at some point in s9, he not only adds it as a permanent part of his player model, but he also makes them removable. For convenience!
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Hey, can I hear about your shatterbird thoughts? She's always been my favourite member of the nine :]
[@faultlinescrew]
Oh I'm about to type for entirely too long.
Alright so a chunk of this is kinda headcanon, but any of that is fully based on canon. I had a giant fanfic planned that was literally an expanded telling of Shatterbird's life from trigger to death, and some plot points there may bleed into this unconsciously.
Number one favorite thing about Shatterbird is that initially, she did nothing wrong. She was unwillingly dosed with a Cauldron vial, and her scream and subsequent exploding of Dubai wasn't her fault. She had no intention to hurt anyone, it was done entirely out of her control as she gained powers and she should not be blamed for her first time destroying a city. The thing is, that doesn't matter in universe. She's still going to be hunted down by countless capes because she killed an untold number of people with that scream. No one's going to just let her go because it wasn't her fault, because she's the only person who can be blamed. People want revenge for their loved ones, and I'm willing to bet that she had a sizable bounty. It's similar to the situation we see with Rachel, where she can't have a normal life because she killed someone in her trigger and her identity is public, but on a much much larger scale.
I think the guilt ate at her so fucking bad at first. She killed her dad, her friends, her sister, her mother, countless others, and as much as it wasn't her fault she's still the one that did it. There's no way she doesn't blame herself for what happened, but when does she even have time to mourn? She's fled to a desert, she's gotta be struggling with food and water, and she's being hounded at every turn by people who want her dead. What's she supposed to do, let them kill her so she can atone for what she did or something?
I just love what a tragic backstory this is. She's one of the most horrible people we meet in canon, and I don't think it's unreasonable to say she has one of the highest body counts on Earth Bet, but she started as someone innocent and desperately trying to survive. And as much as I love this backstory and will defend to the death that she did nothing wrong at this point, it doesn't excuse who she becomes.
Shatterbird laughed.  “There’s only two ways to recover from something of that magnitude, to deal with the fact that you inadvertently killed thousands and thousands of people, and hospitalized twice that many.  You break, or you become it.”
(quote is from the missing interlude)
This is the quote that puts her entire character in a nutshell. The biggest question to me is... when did she become it? She implies in that interlude that it was rather quick, and that she went to Britain so she could hit a big target, but the Tattletale clone calls this out as a lie. She was running, the desert that she'd been in for months was unbearably loud with all that sand, and I think she was sick of living on the run. She wanted society, structure, something to make her feel human. I think she's full of shit saying she went there to destroy it, some accident or desperate confrontation occurred (timeline fits well enough for it to be a result of the Simurgh's attack, but that's just one possibility) and she broke London just as bad as she broke Dubai. What do you even do from there? Any slim hope of clearing her name is gone, she just has to keep running and try to ignore the guilt. And she ran to America, where the Slaughterhouse Nine found her.
The recruiting of people by the Slaughterhouse Nine fascinates me, because most are unwilling to join at first. Unfortunately the alternative is to die. No one in Brockton Bay was jumping to be the lucky winner, and the only people we know nominated themselves are Cherish and I think Siberian. Shatterbird (ever notice how she's the only S9 member with no canon first name? drives me nuts) was dragged into the recruitment process with no say in the matter just like most everyone is. Someone in the Nine found her, thought she would be a good fit because of London and Dubai (and how would that feel, to have someone on the S9 see you as just as bad as them?) and even if she explains that was on accident... what does it matter? It never matters that it was an accident. It never will matter. It's just something that she can tell herself to keep her sane.
So she's doing the fun little tests, I'm actually very curious how she altered herself for Mannequin's since he always does the same test, she's a very vain person, but that's off topic. Atrocities, horrors, being hunted by the Siberian, and suddenly she's at the end. Her and someone else.
“That’s not really a test,” Shatterbird spoke, “There hasn’t been a round of testing since I joined the group where we didn’t whittle it down to one candidate.” “We could forego the final test, pitting them against one another.” Shatterbird turned to him, “Ah.  But, again, the last test where we had to go that far was… mine?”
And she kills them. Dubai, London, those were accidents. This was on purpose, maybe even the first time she's done it on purpose. She could either break and decide she couldn't live with herself as a member of the nine, or she could just as horrible as everyone sees her. All her choices were rigged, there was never much of an opportunity to get better since so many paths closed off to her, but she voluntarily chooses to get worse. What's the point in holding on to the fact that it wasn't her fault at the beginning? She's never escaping what she did, so she'll become the monster everyone sees her as. You break, or you become it.
And there's not much of the more sympathetic side of Shatterbird in canon (partly because her backstory chapter was removed). She's fully embraced herself as a mass murderer. She revels in the attention, the fear. She parrots Jack's philosophy as a way to feel better about what she's doing, and eventually she doesn't need to feel better because she enjoys who she is now.
I don't know, I rambled for a while there but it boils down to me being fascinated by the circumstances of her gaining powers, and the shift from innocent but hated/feared to making damn sure that fear is justified.
Ok, so moving on from the backstory analysis, other miscellaneous details. Fuck it, I'm putting every thought I have on Shatterbird in this post.
She's the Nine's primary recruiter! Woo, good for her. Notably, she recruits Burnscar. Mimi is in a similar position to Shatterbird's past self with the whole involuntary mass destruction, although on a lesser scale (it'll always be on a lesser scale, Shatterbird has the worst trigger event out there in terms of consequences and she didn't even trigger). Mimi was on the streets and trying not to use her power, and Shatterbird scooped her up into the Nine.
“I- before I knew it, the Slaughterhouse Nine had found me.  Shatterbird recruited me.  And now I’m stuck.  I’m trapped.  You know there’s a kill order out on me?  If I try to quit, either the Nine or the cops will off me.  So I keep going, I work for them, and it all just gets worse.”
It's a situation Shatterbird can very likely relate to, but she's perpetuating it and making Mimi suffer like she did. No sympathy, no helping someone get through it and avoid the pitfalls she fell into, she's dragging other people down with her like a crab in a pot. Worth noting that I believe she's still bitter about the hand she was dealt even if she's embraced where it led her to, she remembers how horrible it was to be forced into everything and she does not care if she inflicts it on others.
But if someone else willingly joins the Nine, she takes it personally. Cherie says Shatterbird hates her, and that's because Cherie chooses the life Shatterbird was locked into. She's bitter that she never had that choice, and so she makes sure Cherie understands what it's like by chasing her for days for her test, not allowing any rest or sleep. However, this could also simply because Cherie sucks and is an unpleasant person to talk to, and Shatterbird is stuck-up.
Another thing I like is Shatterbird's appearance of knowledge and elegance. She's trying to appear put together, confident, in-control, and to be fair she does a pretty good job, her costume and theming are great. But under that is someone violent and angry, she's keeping up appearances to everyone else but also to herself. The fact that she's always trying to keep up appearances, even when locked in a room and doomed to die with one Witness (haha get it) she's trying to make it look like she was calm and in control when her body is found, is what 100% convinces me exploding Britain was an accident. The Tattletale clone calls her out, and to me it seems like another attempt to seem in control by framing it as deliberate.
Anyway, my attempts to woobify a mass murderer aside, I also like that she was a spoiled rich kid before all this and her prim asshole attitude points to that. She quotes Edgar Allen Poe, she reads because it makes her feel better than others, she's just so pretentious and unpleasant and to be clear I love this as a character trait, it's fun and leads to her speaking in overdramatic ways.
“Then you should know, nearly-Tattletale, that I’ve spent too long in the company of monsters to be scared by words.”
She thinks she was soooo cool saying that.
I also want to look at the last few weeks of her life. She spends so much effort propping herself up as great and in control, only to be locked in a box and puppeted around against her will. Genuinely I cannot think of anything more humiliating and agonizing for her to endure. She has nothing to do but think as she's used as a marionette.
She had a long time to reflect on her life, to look back at how she got here and what she regrets.
But I think she spent it stewing in her rage, itching and planning to get violent revenge and keep hurting others to be respected. She's unwilling and unable to go back, she'll double down on this forever because this is who she is now. And because 99% of characterization for Shatterbird isn't in Worm anyway, I may as well toss in this minor AU summary by Wildbow. If she escaped, she would have started her own version of the Nine with Damsel of Distress and Trickster. There is nothing left to sympathize with or redeem Shatterbird by the time we see her in canon, she's simply past that point. Side note but Shatterbird + Damsel of Distress + Trickster as a team is perhaps the funniest combo ever and I really wish those 3 fuckers got to interact in canon. Weirdo assholes who dress up fancy and have a taste for theatrics as a murder crew, we were robbed.
I could analyze the Hookwolf interlude but I don't want to. I'm very annoyed that Shatterbird (still no first name) is the only member of the Nine to lose the fight against her recruit instead of appearing terrifying and unstoppable. How come Burnscar can solo Faultline's crew but 3 nazis can take out Shatterbird, who has way more experience? It's pretty uncomfortable to have the only member of the Nine who isn't white be the one that loses to nazis, while one calls her a slur in his internal monologue, in the interludes where everyone else on her team is introduced as a force of nature. I think we should just collectively agree to make this interlude not canon and un-retcon the Witness interlude. While I'm on the topic it's also a bit questionable to have Sophia and Shatterbird (no first name. I am annoyed by this) as the only named capes puppeted by Regent?
But that's not the topic I wanna explore. The topic is that Shatterbird is a great character and I wish that she had depth in the story itself rather than scattered through 20 different sources, because she's legitimately my favorite non-undersider in the story. There is a lot of potential to explore her, one could interpret her backstory in a less charitable way than I did just for an example, and I really think she's neat! She takes hurting someone in an accident and then becoming the monster people see her as, something we see a few times throughout worm, to its ultimate conclusion in terms of scale. That alongside her outer layer of intellectualism and pretentiousness, which I'm a massive sucker for as a trait, and she's just perfect. Did nothing wrong (citation needed). I love her and I do hope that at least some of the stuff written her makes someone appreciate her character more.
Ok! That was... 2.2k words about Shatterbird (no first name). Woo! If some stuff seems inconsistent between paragraphs here, it's probably because I wrote this in chunks over the course of a few weeks and my feelings at the time can influence my interpretation of things and my writing to feel different when read all at once and compared. If you think I'm woobifying her too much, cool. I think it makes her more compelling to examine how much we know was her fault and how much she shouldn't be blamed for, and making her have less agency makes her more tragic which I always like. If you actually read this to the end, thank you! Have a nice day!
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alovesongtheywrote · 6 months
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can we pleaseeee have a pt.2 to nightmare academia bc THOSE TWO HAVE SO MUCH TENSION???!!!!!
♥ Summary:  abso-fucking-lutely you can. here's reid's proper response to the typewriter incident(s) [Prof!Spencer Reid x GN-Prof!Reader]
♥ Warnings: discussions of sex, but no actual smut. arguing. spencer's a little mean, but shit, so's the reader. crim and psych facts. this is another 1000 words of the reader being a brat and reid losing his cool over it
♥ A/N: i still don't know when this is. if you have ideas, lmk, but again, im thinking it's right after s9.
♥ Word Count: 1646
Series Masterlist
♥♥♥
Yeah, so, about three weeks later, your students started breaking down again. You had to wonder if Dr. Reid was actually some sort of closet sadist who enjoyed watching his students break down. You tried to shake that thought from your head. He had been an FBI agent, after all!
If he was a sadist, he wouldn’t have left the FBI.  
You reached your sobbing student quota of seven faster this time- though in at least one instance, the student apologized for Reid.
“He’s a good professor,” they said, curling up in a hard plastic chair that was not meant to be curled up in, “He’s just really bad at technology.”
You couldn’t help but agree. The students you had in common with Reid were incredibly insightful when they spoke in class- specifically on topics that the doctor would have touched on. Despite that, you could only have so many students come to you on the brink of collapse without doing something about it.
So. You brought the typewriter out again.
-
Spencer had tried to do the whole laptop thing. He really had. However, when the time came for one of his classes to submit an assignment, half of that class presented him with links to Google Documents that he couldn’t access. And this was after he requested PDFs!
After a weekend of writing emails, making repeated calls to Penelope Garcia, and lying facedown on the couch trying to fight off a migraine, Reid gave up on the technology thing. He banished laptops from his classroom once more. He told himself he just wouldn’t let the typewriter bother him. He wouldn’t let you bother him. At least, you wouldn’t bother him as much as emails did.
Then he got to class.
“So, when we look at externalizing disorders-”
Click, click, click, click, click.
“As the name would suggest-” 
Click, click, click, click, click.
“These are the issues that manifest externally-”
Click, click, click, click, click.
“Maladaptive behaviours caused by externalizing disorders impact the environment-”
Click, click, click, click, click.
“While internalizing disorders do not, generally, cause crime-”
Click, click, click, click, click.
“Externalizing disorders-”
Click, click, click, ding!
“Son of a bitch-!”
Reid’s students watched as their usually composed professor began to fray at the edges. His long fingers ran through his hair, messing up his already messy curls. He ignored the way some strands landed in front of his eyes- how could he pay attention to that? He was too focused on not screaming in frustration. Reid pulled off his cardigan almost forcefully and threw it on his chair. His body felt too warm, his skin a prison and his ribs a furnace. He crossed his arms, bringing one hand up to press his fingers against his brow.  
He stood like that for a few moments, catching his breath, reminding himself that he wasn’t supposed to let you get to him.  
When Spencer tried to profile you, he saw a respected professional who genuinely cared about their students- so much so that you went out of your way to interfere with his classroom policies. He didn’t know why you cared so much. Most professors wanted to see their students succeed to a degree, but you seemed to have it out for him, specifically.  
Maybe it was his anti-tech policies. Maybe it was just something about him.  Spencer knew he was a difficult person to be around. You wouldn’t be the first person who couldn’t stand him because of things that were just intrinsic parts of his being. You definitely wouldn’t be the first person to be annoyed by him. Whatever it was, he was going to figure it out- even if he had to return to your office to do it.
“I’m so sorry, I don’t know what came over me. Returning to externalizing disorders-”
Click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click. DING.
You were going to be the death of Spencer Reid.
-
That evening, you caught Reid just outside your office, typewriter held aloft in his arms. You didn’t try to get the door for him.
“Well, hello Doctor Reid! Is there anything I can help you with?”
Reid didn’t bother with pleasantries. He got right to the point, “Why are you doing this?”
You played dumb- it was one of your favourite things to play, “Whatever do you mean, Doctor? I’m just supplying my students with the tools they need to learn. Do you have a problem with that?”
Reid pulled his lips together and frowned. He looked a little bit like a frog- or perhaps a sad chipmunk. You refused to admit that the exasperated expression on his face was kind of cute.
“Don’t play dumb with me, I know you’re smarter than this. What could you possibly stand to gain from irritating me incessantly?”
“Why don’t you profile me about it, FBI guy?” you raised your eyebrows, very clearly mocking his previous line of work as you relaxed against the door.
“Okay,” Reid grit his teeth, re-adjusting his grip on the typewriter. If you wanted to play this game, he would play, “You’re irritating me out of a strange mix of genuine concern for your students, and what appears to be a desperate need for attention. Maybe your parents didn’t focus on you enough during your childhood. Maybe you feel inferior in your work, so you’re taking it out on me. Either way, it’s kind of sad.”
Your eyes narrowed. A vein in your jaw twitched. Your mouth turned downward into a scowl as you tried very hard to pretend that you didn’t feel just a little inferior in your work. And hey, even if you did, that had nothing to do with this. He was wrong- not entirely- but enough to keep you steady.  
You knew you were playing a dangerous game.
“For a profiler, that was a pretty shit assessment. What I stand to gain isn’t attention. If I wanted your attention, I would have it. What I gain is a student body that’s further than two inches from collapse,” you leaned back against the door again, keeping him out and forcing him to keep the typewriter in his arms.
“What about you, Doctor?” you hissed, “What could you possibly stand to gain from murdering your students by way of lead poisoning?”
“Lead hasn’t been used in the creation of pencils since 1978, and the amount of lead paint a person could ingest by chewing the paint off a pencil wouldn’t be lethal. Try harder.”
“‘Try harder,’ he tells me. Fine. You aren’t a sadist and you aren’t going for mass murder by way of pencil.  Maybe you’re just a huge asshole, but if you were, that reputation would precede you. I’m out of ideas, so just tell me.  Why stop with the tech? It looked like it was working.”
“It wasn’t, not that that’s your business,” Reid adjusted his stance, trying to take a defensive stance without dropping the typewriter, “And how do you know I’m not a sadist? That’s a pretty big inference considering we’ve only worked together for a few months.”
“If you were a sadist, you would’ve stayed in the position that gave you the most power over other people. University professor is not that position.”
Reid went silent for a second. Then, to your surprise, he gave you a straight answer, “The laptops worked until I assigned a paper. I received broken links, inaccessible files, and a migraine.”
You paused, squinting at him slightly, “It was Google Docs, wasn’t it? They all sent in links to Google Docs?”
Reid paused, tilting his head like a confused puppy. What a fucking asshole, looking so fucking adorable while being a huge dick. Maybe that was on you. You had to stop comparing him to cute things.
“How did you know?”
“Because college kids have the capacity for massive stupidity. Did you specify what format you wanted?”
“Of course I did, I’m a professional.”
“Uh-huh,” you didn’t seem to believe him, “Well, even if you did, some of your students are gonna fuck it up.”
“How?! I stated it multiple times-!”
“Well, forgive the rest of the world for not having IQs in the thousands and eidetic memories. Some of us forget things, Professor.”
“It’s 187.”
“Excuse me?”
“My IQ, it’s 18-”
“Anyone who actually tries to measure intelligence with IQ is fucking unintelligent, and not worth my time. Give me my typewriter and get out of my office.”
“We aren’t in your office.”
“Give me! My typewriter! And get out! Of my office!!”
When he still didn’t move, you seized the typewriter from him and hissed, “Out!! Away with you now!! Don’t make me bite you, because I swear to god-”
Reid put his hands up in surrender, stepping back and heading down the hallway. The second you were out of sight, he pulled out his phone. Emails were a no-go, but a call? That he could manage.
“Hey, Garcia? I need you to do a background check on someone for me… what? No, this isn’t about the PDFs! I need everything you have on Professor (Y/N) (L/N).”
-
Meanwhile, across town in a bar that just so happened to be very popular with college kids, a certain group of students sat.  This group had one major thing in common- they shared two specific professors.
“So, profs (L/N) and Reid are fucking, right?”
“If they aren’t already, they will be soon enough.  Did you see him lose it over the typewriter in class today?  He said an actual swear.  Fucking nuts.”
“That was kind of hot, I’ll be honest.”
“It was- but I’ll bet you anything that (L/N) tops.”
“You’re a degenerate.  I’ll bet ten on those odds.”
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pickastitch · 3 months
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please tell us your shinyduo thoughts abt sun moon symbolism :0
okay so it all starts in esmp s1 where pearl has such heavy sun imagery and gem literally builds a moon so that one is pretty obvious
and when we get to hc s8 they literally have matching horses with gem's being named sun and pearl's being named moon
admittedly, hc s9 is more vibes based, but eleven seem so much more sunny to me in contrast to pearl's alien themeing where a large majority of it was trapped underground. most people just associate moon with darkness, so bam gem is sun and pearl is moon
now esmp s2 and this one is tricker than the others. in my head they are both the sun which is why they practically never interact. it's like trying to connect magnets by both of their north poles
sl is an outlier to me where they break this pattern of one being the moon and one being the sun imo. some people believe that pearl is the sun and gem is a sunflower, but i like to think pearl is simultaneously the sun and the moon with gem being akin to icarus. here is a very non structured brainrot post
we finally get to hc s10, and immediately we are hit with 'morning sunshine' from gem. she wants me dead. but also, building off of that pearl went for a very peaceful farmhouse as her starter base with farming normally being associated with daylight/the sun. we have a dredge theme from gem which has a daylight cycle in it, and during the night is really when you start getting the horrors. she already has touches of that (floating fish), so following the logic of that game she has been fishing at night and thus moon
the part that gets me the most is how consistent the themeing is and just how close both of them are. most smps have pretty good evidence for gem and pearl being connected to the sun and moon with a few outliers (looking at you nlsmp)
now time for the actual theorizing, like i mentioned in the esmp s2 bit, it's almost like the sun and moon are opposite poles of a magnet. i don't believe they are soulmates, they can live without the other, but when they are in proximity, you bet that they will be inseparable
so they both have been represented by the sun and moon, and i propose that pearl is the embodiment of light, while gem is the embodiment of void. why do i think that? well, pearl's is the easiest to explain with her saint pearla stuff and how her named both have aspects of light in it. pearlescent describes the surface of an object, and both being able to see if something is pearlescent and to see the moon requires light to bounce back into your eyes
now gem as the void, hear me out. her constant connection to the end/endermen/ender dragon. also the connections of gem and traveling across worlds where the thing in-between them is void (see s9 botem ending). with the most solid piece of evidence being hc s10 where her themeing is ocean/water horrors. and the most common reason people fear the ocean is how vast and unknowing it is. like a void
this is great and all, but how does it link back up with sun and moon? they are opposites of each other and their sun and moon themeing is just one way that is expressed alongside light and void. because of how different they are, it makes them more attached to each other. something something opposites attract
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hobgoblinns · 7 months
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you can put the word fuck once in every season of nuwho. Where is it going?
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what a great question!
s1: i wanted to choose something funny, but i think nine screaming FUCKING KILL YOURSELF at that dalek would go hard af. but also…… nine and rose have the kind of relationship where i’m sure she’d jokingly say “oh fuck you” every time the doctor takes a cheap shot at humans
s2: i already posted tonight about wanting ten to be allowed to say “fuck you, mickey” (specifically in rise of the cybermen when mickey gets mad at him for favouring rose). but right now i kind of love the image of rose in doomsday throwing herself at that wall and screaming FUCK!!!!!!
s3: the tensimm fan in me wants to replace “are you asking me out on a date?” with “are you trying to fuck?”. but i think it would be more gratifying if, in the same episode, we got to see martha say “fuck you, i’ll do what i like” to the doctor when he tells her not to call home
s4: this is DONNA we’re talking about. you expect me to choose just one? well. alright. “i was asleep, in my clothes, like a fucking kid!”. imagine how much it would hurt if all this time she’s been censoring herself and then, with her memory wiped, she’s suddenly back to cussing the hell out of everyone she meets
2009/2010 specials (yes im cheating shhh): in the end of time: “i had fucking estates”.
s5: river: ooh, i’m going to be a professor someday? doctor: (softly) fuuuuuuuck….
s6: instead of that amazing “the doctor is very dear to me. but you know what else he is? not here” speech that amy gives, she should just say “fuck you madame kovarian” and murder her in cold blood. genuinely like, amy was exhibiting insane restraint for a mother who’d had her child taken from her.
s7: “i didn’t know when i was well off. all fucking twelve of them.” “no sir — all fucking thirteen!”
s8: again, this is TWELVE. almost every line feels like a pg malcolm tucker. but i’m going to go with dark water’s “can you hurry up please or i’m going to hit you with my fucking shoe”
s9: easiest one yet: “get up, off your fucking arse, and win”.
s10: missy and the master: “hold me” “fuck me” “make me” (this scene made me queasy but those two are horribly fucked up and would 100% say this)
s11: i have only seen this season in snippets but i think someone in ‘rosa’ has got to tell a racist to go fuck themselves
s12: during the master’s whole pathetic “wahhh kneel call me master” spiel i think the doctor should have just told him to fuck off. when i saw that scene i was yelling at the screen for him to fuck off so i think she should be allowed to tell him to as well. or maybe spray him with a water pistol like a bad cat
s13: for some reason the first thing that comes to mind is evil dan but tbh he doesn’t need to say fuck. he’s already powerful enough. instead in that opening scene when thirteen is trying to get the voice activated handcuffs to open: “RELEASE!!! oh, maybe i was scottish when i set them up…….. fucking RRRRRELEASE!!!!!!!!”
s13 specials (cheating again shh): tegan: and yes, i WOULD like to go in the fucking tardis!!! (alternatively: “i know these teeth… what… WHAT… WHAT THE FUCK????”)
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dyed-red · 5 months
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happy ww! <3 if sam and dean don't get together until they are older, what do you think that looks like for them? how they come to realize their feelings, how they act on/address them, how they even begin to broach the subject with the other?
I have this view of late seasons sam and dean as incredibly settled and comfortable with themselves and each other in this regard, in a way that simply is not / was not possible when they were younger. Both because youth is tumultuous and learning to be okay with yourself takes time and experience, but also because your first apocalypse is a cataclysm, and your tenth is old hat.
Not only that, but through their various journeys together, particularly after s8 when we see them resolve their "infidelities" and commit to one other (in holy matrimony in that church), they have a level of trust in their bond that is different. It's tested in s9 with the lying/possession and then the attempt at distance following that, but reaffirmed from the s9 finale all through s10 with sam's willingness to damn the world (and die himself) for dean.
Which means that if they don't get together until they're "older", which I'm going to interpret here as late seasons or at least after s10, then i think it looks like a weirdly healthy and comfortable journey given that it's fraternal incest with enmeshed codependency and the fate of the world as collateral damage.
in their earlier years, there's this real fear of 'losing' each other, which comes in many forms but which includes the potential to do something so egregious as to alienate themselves from the other. this means that there is this possibility, real or imagined, that hangs over them, that if they admit or act on this (potentially unrequited because neither is testing if the other feels the same) attraction, they could damage their brotherhood. they have something huge to lose and feel a real potential to lose it. even if they trust the other won't abandon them over an attraction they didn't necessarily choose if it were to be discovered and unrequited -- and that trust itself is hard and fraught -- then it would still complicate and disgust and alienate, or so they would be likely to believe, at least in this mental scenario of them feeling attracted but not acting on it until they're older.
i suppose there are other scenarios, where they don't realize or experience that attraction yet, although that feels unlikelier to me, and it makes more sense to my mind that the attraction wouldn't suddenly manifest when they're older, but would be there the whole time, if latent and not even that important (because nothing is so important as their bond, and sexual and/or romantic attraction just isn't the most critical thing about how they feel toward each other).
but by a certain point, they've done so much worse to and for each other, and been through so much together and for each other, that worrying about this as if it's a huge dark evil secret would eventually start to feel almost childish. it would still enervate while hidden and unspoken, but it wouldn't feel like this damning thing in the same way, and i think would become an unspoken but obvious understanding between them.
meaning that by the time it slips from unspoken to spoken, it would be almost incidental or accidental, a quirk of 'oh we're acknowledging that now?' and a tension of 'are we sliding into that territory for real?'. It would still involve some potentially nervewracking navigating, but less on the "oh shit he knows oh fuck" side of exposure, and more on the "so what the fuck does this look like and is it worth it to explore knowing it could go wrong or is it better to keep things how we have them know, which is pretty damn good actually". It's a more mature and complex discussion, even if a silent and internal discussion, and a little less "throw overselves over this cliff and see what happens".
i like late season domestic era first time. i like to think that in a certain way, it feels like a foregone conclusion to them, and a bit like coming home, and a bit like "finally". <3
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richonnesbitch · 28 days
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I know this is random af but I’ve always wondered this lol. Was there a „reason“ for why the Grimes moved houses? Because they stayed in one of the 2 houses they were given upon arriving in Alexandria but then when S9 starts they are in a different house?
And I remember thinking, maybe the house burned down during the war against the Saviors but I‘m 99,99% sure we still see it in Alexandria somewhere between S9-S11, being used by other people. Again, random but always been curious about this change if there was a known reason
I don't think it's ever explicitly said why! If I'm not mistaken, they move into Deanna's old house. Maybe it's for some sort of.... leadership related reason? I really don't know tbh 😭
Isn't Carl's grave right outside of it? Maybe Rick and Michonne wanted to be as close as possible to his grave 🥺🥺
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scoobydoodean · 1 year
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You know what just really frost my cookies with the whole "Dean doesn't care as much about Cas" discourse??? That post you reblogged about how strong their relationship was in s4/s5 got me thinking about this, but like they had two seasons of such intense relationship building and camaraderie, that Dean was literally fighting Bobby and Sam (his two most important people!!!) over not trusting Cas in s6, and it was DEAN who tried to keep a relationship with Cas s6 - s8, like that man tried everything to keep their relationship going - and that's not to blame Cas, he had his own shit going on (well except for s6, I do blame him for that lol his position is understandable, but it was still his fault), but Dean tried and it still just never worked.
Maybe this is just me, but I've always kind of viewed their relationship in the later seasons as, Dean worked hard to keep them going for so long that eventually it kind of just...hit him that maybe Cas didn't want that? So he stopped trying quite as hard, he remembered the times Cas left, and he interpreted them as rejections, which is in part why the Divorce Arc happened - it was a culmination of many many MANY things, not just the "obvious". That's just my interpretation though, and obviously others have and can interpret it differently.
In summary I see it as, early seasons Dean chasing and pining after Cas, eventually feels rejected and betrayed, later seasons Cas chasing and pining after Dean
Though to be fair and admit to my biases, I was watching s6-s8 in real time on TV, and then I drifted away mid s9 and didn't go back and watch the rest of the seasons until recently, so my strongest impressions of Destiel are of those earlier seasons, so I tend to view it in a different light I think than people who started watching later (or more specifically after Nov 5th and/or for Cas - not that anything is wrong w watching for those reasons lol)
Yeah I think it is very very silly to think that Dean doesn’t care about Cas as much as Cas cares about him. Like wildly so.
I think this line of thinking comes mainly from focusing too much on one character's POV. I think Dean came off a few times in season 6 like he saw his relationship with Cas as transactional—even though that isn’t imo how he actually felt about Cas (just like we can analyze Cas as thinking of his relationship with the Winchesters as very transactional but he does care about them despite how it appears). I think Dean was just kind of hurt because Cas had ghosted him for so long and he thought they were friends and they'd built this bond? So in season 6, he was reacting to what he thought were the boundaries Cas himself set—boundaries that suggested Cas—the guy controlling the means of communication—did not want a friendship with him. Cas ditched Dean in the car at the end of Swan Song and then just invisibly watched Dean rake leaves. Dean was right there. Dean could only pray to Cas. Cas wouldn’t respond. In season 6, without giving Dean a say—while watching Dean rake leaves and considering whether to ask for his help—Cas decided (again--unilaterally) he wouldn't involve Dean, and I do think that decision was out of love, and also probably because... well—he probably thought "what can Dean actually... do?" But ultimately, he wanted a person he cared about who had been through a lot to just be able to rest—that's what he says. Not including Dean (and Sam) continued after Dean came back to hunting as well, because 1) Cas was still thinking about protecting Dean 2) He didn't think Dean could do anything to help (which I think is... probably pretty reasonable—he originally considered including Dean I think mainly for his tenacity) 3) the whole thing had ballooned and Cas was making deals he probably didn't even fully agree with himself—so he was ashamed to some extent, but also knew... he wasn't going to stop, and that Dean would ask him to stop.
Cas is... well—I'm going to say "more morally flexible"... and I don't think that's always a bad thing. This is a useful quality in the line of work TFW is in, honestly. He is more ruthless than Sam and Dean and he also knows that he is, and I think he actually likes to position himself as the ruthless one. He likes being the person who is willing to do what is necessary to get shit done and he's willing to sacrifice a part of himself to do it... because he can take it. He planned to kill Jesse behind the Winchester's backs to spare them the unpleasantness (and the same, later, with Kelly and Jack—when Sam and Dean were looking for a way to save both of them and Cas just went to go find Kelly and kill her). He broke Sam's wall and killed a very good friend—Balthazar—because his friends were standing in his way and he was focused on his ultimate purpose which was stopping another apocalypse. He mind tortured Donatello because it needed to be done. I think that Dean understands that Cas wants to position himself as the ruthless one, and I think Dean also understands that this isn't always a bad quality. I also think it's an obvious point of contention, because Dean is the least morally flexible in the group and is the most tenacious, which I think Cas, in turn, appreciates about Dean—but it is going to lead to clashes between them as best friends with one being tenacious about choosing the least morally crooked path when possible, and the other saying "Can we please just get on with it? I'll do it if you don't want to—I don't mind."
And that's... to some extent, what is happening in season 6... besides the lying and the hurt besties feelings and secrets and betrayals. The actual soul swallowing plan? It's Dean's tenacious insistence on following a more prudent path versus Cas's "Let's get the fuck on with it"... and there's fairness to both sides of that imo... which is why I'm annoyed with certain individuals trying to make this a "sides" thing. It isn't the actual plan as much as it's what he did around it that's the issue, and Dean isn't obligated to agree with him or to trust him after he lied so many goddamn times. Like. Dean's trust was not something to which Cas was entitled, point blank.
You're right—Dean didn’t think Cas would ever lie to him like that in season 6. He couldn’t believe it. He refused to believe it. And I think fans do this thing actually where they hear Cas say in season 6 that he’s always trusted Dean and he always comes when Dean calls and they just buy into that and go “Yeah! That’s so true!” and build an entire analysis on that (and then post insufferable parallels between that and 4.21 thinking they are saying something about Dean's "trust issues" when they are... making a very different parallel lmao). What Cas is saying about always trusting Dean isn’t true—and what’s more, Cas knows it isn’t. He knows suggesting Dean doesn’t trust him enough isn’t fair. When he was spying on Sam and Dean and Bobby he made specific note of “Dean trying so hard to be loyal” and defending him fiercely. (In fact—was there anyone Dean trusted more at that point in his life—despite also clearly being hurt by Cas ghosting him? Bobby, maybe. That's about it.) When Cas came back and tried to retroactively claim entitlement to Dean’s trust, he suggested an imbalance of trust because he was trying to dig into that part of Dean that is loyal to his friends. In other words, he was telling a lie for manipulation purposes, and that's just the damn truth. It isn't some crap about Dean having trust issues. It's Dean not buying some crap Cas is trying to sell—a twisted picture he is trying to paint to avoid doing something worse to get Dean out of his way.
It is insane for people to say Dean doesn't care about Cas as much as Cas cares about him though when you consider Cas hurt someone Dean loves just to keep Dean out of his way—he broke Sam's brain—Sammy's brain—and Dean still found a way to forgive that despite all of the trauma he has wrapped up in protecting Sam, and then he fought 360 degree combat through Purgatory looking for someone who abandoned him. Then while that person was beating him to death he was looking up at him calling him family and Cas again abandoned him. Any time Dean expressed affection for Cas there was a good bet Cas leaving would follow quickly. But Dean approaches Cas in a way the majority of fandom refuses to approach all of the characters—with an understanding of his motivations and hangups and intentions and what is in his heart (and Cas approaches him the same way). Despite it all, Dean knows that Cas cares about him. He doesn't understand why Cas won't include him though—or he does, and the reasons aren't okay with him and Cas will. not. stop. and that is the ever growing festering wound that leads to the divorce arc. It is absolutely 100% a "straw that broke the camel's back" situation. Dean's frustrations with Cas's unilateral decision-making are not... ever dealt with. Cas wanting to ghost Dean is not ever dealt with. Cas Malewifing sidelining Dean whenever he damn well feels like it by just refusing to answer the phone is not ever dealt with. Because each time it's discussed, it happens again. The ultimate narrative is just that Dean should be expected to accept it, and be grateful, and I don't think that's fair. I don't think that refusing to communicate is something that Dean should have to put up with from his best friend. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But more than that, I'm sad that it's something Cas isn't allowed to grow from, because that tendency—that desire for that secrecy and control of the means of communication and that desperation for martyrdom—that is coming from a place of great pain for Cas—a wound—and it's a deep one, and he deserved to get to start to close that wound up and heal.
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too-antigonish · 10 hours
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Interviews...are not his favorite
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Evans is pretty good at ducking out of questions he'd prefer not to answer—and honestly his patience with unbelievably annoying or intrusive questions is far better than mine would be.
But early on there were some tiny moments snark worthy of Morse himself...
Excerpt from a 2014 TV Choice interview:
Will you change anything for the second series? Shaun Evans: I’m going to do it completely in drag! Or knitwear!
Excerpt from a 2007 interview by Laura Davis for the Liverpool Daily Post about Sparkle:
Davis: And plans for the future? Evans: “I’m going to finish my dinner.
He is, however, very capable of being endearing as well:
From S9 Masterpiece Theater interview:
MASTERPIECE: Looking back, Kathy B. wants to know, “Out of all the seasons of Endeavour, what hairstyle and wardrobe did you like best?” SHAUN EVANS: I liked the boldness of the one where I had the mustache. [Laughs] Yeah, and even when I look back, I think that’s a bold choice. I like that one. And to have continued it for the whole season! What I love is that it was never mentioned. I mean, no one goes, “Dude, what’s that on your lip?” You just ride with it. That was one of my favorite ones.
From S8 Masterpiece Theater interview:
MASTERPIECE: Kim H. asks a fun question: “If you met Endeavour at a party, would you see yourself being friends?” SHAUN EVANS: Yeah, because I would have enormous sympathy for him. So even though he may think me quite shallow and a bit ridiculous, I would pursue him until we became mates. I would hound him, so that he had someone to chat to, and I would be a total [pain in the neck], following him all the time. “Hey, dude! Come on, don’t be on your own. Let’s go for a drink!”
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whateverisbeautiful · 3 months
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♥️ Ranking Richonne
#24: Family Fun Days (S9E03 & S4E15)
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Grimes Family 2.0 has my heart eternally. 🥹 They are the best family to ever grace an apocalypse. And what’s so sweet is during their Family Fun Day in s9 and s4, it truly didn’t even feel like an apocalypse - that’s how much love and joy Rick and Michonne were admirably able to place in their and their kids’ lives. And while the fallen world turned Rick and Michonne into walker-slaying warriors, who they really are to their core are parents. (ours and their kids 😋) So the final Family Fun Day and the first unofficial Family Fun Day are a tie on this list for allowing Richonne to show why they're the greatest parents around...
Starting with the s9 Family Fun Day, one of my favorite parts is when Rick, Michonne, and Judith are walking hand in hand in ASZ. It’s so idyllic and so the type of rewarding happy life these three deserve.
I think back to s5 when Rick and Michonne were outside the gates of ASZ with Carl and baby Judith in the backseat of their car. I love that the leap of faith they took together in coming to this place has now turned into a stable home where they can fully enjoy being family.
I feel like words can’t fully even capture how much I love all this. Their smiles. Michonne cheering Rick on by saying, "come on, daddy." Judith skipping. Rick's countdown. And the way they lift her up and cheer Judith on. Somehow, I never noticed it until this rewatch, but after they lift Judith up, Rick and Michonne say “wow” at the exact same time. Always in sync those two. 🥰
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And Rick and Michonne getting to just be parents is the best and so meaningful. After the devastating loss of children, the way Rick and Michonne have risen from those depths of despair and given Judith a beautiful cheerful life is so commendable. And, truly, it speaks to the strength of Rick and Michonne's impact on each other's lives that they can be this healed and happy now.
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I’m choked up from just this initial moment and it only gets cuter with each of their activities. It’s clear that this is Judith’s favorite way to spend the day, but make no mistake, this is Rick and Michonne’s favorite way to spend the day too. And I love that Family Fun Days are something they seem to do often and look forward to. (also it's sweet that, throughout the series, we got several indicators that little Judith is a mama's girl 😊)
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It was such a joy to see this side of Rick and Michonne, especially knowing we’d only have 2 more eps before Rick’s departure. I love that we got to see Rick just have so much fun as the best girl dad. He deserved to have so many more days like this with his baby girl. 🥲
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Also, what I would give to have seen a family fun day that included Rick, Michonne, RJ, Judith, and Carl all together. 😭
The good thing is Rick and Michonne are going to do everything in their power to get home to Judith and RJ, and I have hope TWD's best parents will be able to have plenty more days like this to enjoy with their children whenever the four reunite.
(Side note: Since we're talking Grimes family in this post, can I just say I never understand the complaints about our sweet prince RJ being a regular kid doing regular kid stuff - like ??? To me, it's actually the biggest flex that Rick and Michonne's baby is living a normal life. A whole dang apocalypse hit the earth, and your kid is able to just read comics and ride bikes because, even in the most dangerous possible world, you managed to create some normal (as normal as it can be in that world) stability for your children - What a win. And rather than find him "boring" as a kid under age 10 just living life, I find it heartwarming that RJ Grimes got to be so normal. The mostly peaceful and regular way RJ is living is the very thing Michonne and Rick wanted and fought for. It's the very thing RJ's big brother Carl fought for too. How wonderful that they got what they wanted 🥰👌🏽)
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And then the montage includes my absolute favorite visual with the three of them on a picnic blanket all relaxed, with a brief glimpse of Rick handing Michonne a pink flower as Judith seems to notice the way her dad loves her mom. Even in just a .5-second clip of Rick wanting to give Michonne that flower we see yet another example of how Rick so naturally shows love to his wife. 🥰
I love that in s9 especially, Rick was like if y’all don’t know nothing else about me, you’re going to know that I’m head over heels in love with Michonne. And he’s just so good at courting her even in their married era, and I adore how he’s always thinking of how to gift her.
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Y’all, everything in this moment (& the deleted picnic scene where Rick expresses wanting more years like this with his wife and kids) gives me so much happiness and peace. Again, it’s so idyllic and tranquil and pretty. I wanted them to live in this moment forever.
The picnic shot is just beauty and I will always cherish it. It makes me think about Carl’s vision in s8, of their family playing hooky. I know Carl would be so proud to see the three of them essentially doing exactly that on this beautiful family fun day. Like this whole montage is truly what Carl wanted most for the three of them. 🥹
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To this day, when I see Scott running over while the three are reading, I’m like damn it. 😫 Richonne deserved to have a day to be all about their family and nothing else and Rick and Michonne look like they really do agree with me in the way they both communicate with a wordless look lol.
They don’t want this family time to end, but they know the world is ready to start screaming again. I do like how Rick sees Scott coming but keeps reading tho. Like ‘maybe if we keep reading he’ll just jog past us.’ 😂 
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Seeing Rick kiss Judith before joining Michonne and Scott is so sweet and so sad because it’s his final interaction with his daughter before he’s taken away for years. 😭
Rick and Michonne again wordlessly communicate upon learning about that murdered savior, and you can tell they’re both disappointed. And I'm disappointed that Family Fun Day was cut short too, but I also was like, I should've known...
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But I adore that this scene, which ends up being Rick and Michonne's last time side by side in the present, does not end on disappointment.
Rick is quiet and looking at Michonne, and then he looks away frustrated and stressed, especially because this new development could jeopardize the unity and safety he and Michonne so badly want to build for their people.
It’s so clear how Michonne feels for him, knowing how much they both wanted to have this day to just be. And then the shot focuses on their hands with Rick’s fist clenched to further illustrate his frustration. 
But Michonne always knows how to offer Rick the exact right uplifting encouragement and so I love that she then takes his hand. The choreo of it is so good with her slowly sliding her hand into his. It’s symbolic for Michonne to be the one who could most help Rick release his fist, thus release the frustration, and hold onto what matters most.
And, of course, Rick is receptive and holds her hand. He can always receive the positivity Michonne instills in him. And so I love that Rick tightly holds her hand and allows that to be the note they can end on together. 
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Richonne handholds are always a thing of beauty so I love that their final moment like this ends on that emphasized visual. Even when things fall apart, they’re still in it together. They’re still held together by their love.
Y’all, how do even their hands tell a compelling story? I mean they always have. From exchanging bullets in Clear, to passing mints and holding hands in their canon ep, and this significant final present moment between them. It really does highlight the strength, love, and unity of Richonne's relationship. 
It’s also sweet how Rick and Michonne's official romance began with a handhold, and their final moment ends with one too. And while their journey is about to devastatingly take them on separate paths for years, I really feel like this handhold right here actually never breaks.
In many ways, during their years apart, Rick and Michonne still embarked through life as though their true love was still with them, still holding their hand and supporting them because their love is neverending - as noted in both Rick and Michonne's sentiments during the TWD series finale.
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(Side note: There’s this interesting contrast I think about - because with losing Lori, part of what made it so painful on Rick is knowing they never got official closure after they grew distant and their marriage fell apart. But then with “losing” Michonne after he was taken, part of what likely makes it so painful for Rick is that their marriage was in such a great spot. Rick and Michonne were so beyond close, happy together, and hopeful for their future just before Rick was taken away. And that’s a unique pain to just be abruptly plucked from the woman you were so longing to spend the rest of your life with. Where the Lori loss featured an element of mourning a clear closed door, the Michonne “loss” is an element of mourning all the doors he hoped he'd open with her. And I’m really curious to see how Rick has been dealing with that type of pain while away in TOWL)
This whole sequence of events in 9.03 is the definition of precious. And the song in the background pairs so nicely with this heavenly time. I love Grimes Family 2.0, and this was like a beautiful love letter to them.
It was a lovely reward for Rick and Michonne after all they've been through in this series. And I just appreciate how much joy was depicted in every moment Rick got with his girls in season 9. (their opening moment in the s9 premiere also gets an honorable mention cuz I absolutely adore it)
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So I called this Family Fun Days plural because before Rick and Michonne so adorably had their day as mommy and daddy with Judith, they had another version of a family fun day out in the woods with Carl. And this moment, along with the s9 montage, are my all-time favorite Grimes Family 2.0 scenes.
This one in season 4 is so meaningful because during their s9 family fun day in ASZ they were enjoying merriment in the safety of their community - but here the golden trio of Rick, Michonne, and Carl are traveling while unsure of where they’ll get their next meal or where they’ll lay their head for the night…and yet they smile. 🥹 The levity found in this moment is so important and heartwarming to see. 
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I love that Michonne was so effortlessly able to be a best friend to Carl and helped him have fun even in an apocalypse. I adore the opening of the scene as Rick talks about resources running low and turns around to see Michonne and Carl adorably preoccupied with their train track competition.
Rick turning around to see Michonne and Carl reminded me of the s9 premiere when the first thing we see of Rick is him opening the doors to watch Michonne and Judith.
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I know Michonne’s bond with Carl and Judith means the absolute world to Rick. And I can only imagine how moved Rick would (and will) be to see her bond with their adorable son RJ too. 😭
(Again, I'll never get over the fact that Michonne really carried Rick's child. How extremely beautiful. 🥹And soon Rick is going to finally know all about the son he made with the love of his life. Won't He Do It! 🥳)
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I always appreciate that Rick walks over to Michonne and Carl, letting them have the moment a little longer, and the way Michonne playfully tries to win their competition. Carl sharing the Big Cat because "we always share" is also just so sweet.
And, of course, you know I love the way that man Rick is grinning while watching and appreciating this wholesome family moment. 🥰The way he keeps sneaking glances at Michonne as he smiles - I forever stand by the fact that Rick has fallen in love with Michonne by this point.💯
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Even despite their circumstances, the three seemed so happy in this moment cuz they’re together the way it was meant to be. And I love that Michonne and Rick both valued giving Carl a good childhood against all odds.
In Carl’s devastating final episode "Honor" he tells Michonne "Don't carry this - not this part," and I always like to think that this moment on the tracks is one of the parts of their journey Carl hopes Michonne holds onto instead. Cuz it was such a beautiful happy moment that cemented the three as a family.
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And, clearly, she and Rick did choose to carry the good parts with Carl and even pass it on to Judith as they and their daughter so presently enjoyed a day of fun and games seasons later, where for a few hours they didn't have to be community leaders or fierce fighters. Instead, Rick and Michonne just got to be what they so cherished being - mom and dad. Grimes family forever. 🤍
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rosedark88 · 14 days
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My Opinion On Why Sam gets more hate & his mistakes gets highlighted more than Dean..
The quick answer is that the audience react based on the characters reactions, and the Show is told from Dean’s POV.
The long answer: During 15 seasons, How many times did Sam actually say hurtful things to Dean? Aside from season 9 i cant think of any. Even when Dean has done questionable things like killing Amy and lying about- all Sam did is ask for space, and even when he was pushed for a confrontation by Dean.. all he said was u lied to me.
Sam is always very careful using his words around his big brother, he almost never lashes out at him, if he did it means things have gone dark. Sam never ever reminds Dean of his past mistakes—and i hope no one says that Dean never made mistakes—Even when Dean says hurtful things to Sam, he mostly just skip it, and when Dean tries to apologise to Sam, he tells him he doesn’t need to.
And if u need a reminder on Dean greatest hits:
S4 Dean: “ If I didn't know you, I would want to hunt you”
S5 Dean: “I don’t know whether it’s gonna be demon blood or some other demon chick or what, but…I do know they're gonna find a way to turn you”
Dean after getting the gentle sweet treatment 99% of the times from his baby brother, the 1% he doesn’t get it, he acts like a kicked dog, and he cant and wont ever move on.. i am glad we had Bobby in the earlier seasons calling Dean out on that by saying “ i am sorry ur feelings are hurt princess “
Dean actually always goes out of his way to take whatever Sam says in the worst way possible. Like clearly in S9 the point of conflict that Sam didn’t want to be possessed, and he wont do it to Dean if the situation reversed. But Dean took as, oh “ you are not going to save me…” actually its Dean own insecurities, and his own self hatred that wanted him to believe that Sam doesn’t love as much, as he loves him.
And even when Sam back tracked what he said in the final and worked an entire season trying to save Dean even intimidating a human into making a deal. Still Dean had to remind him again of what he said, a sign that he didn’t move on. So of course the audience didn’t.
Didn’t Dean tell Sam he should have died instead of Charlie! Did he backtrack that? Even apologised ? No to both, and almost everyone forgot about that because Sam did——and plz no one says it was the mark of cain talking, because i dont see Sam getting a free pass with demon blood—-
I don’t judge the guys for this dynamic. I think Sam is willing to forgive his brother because he owes him so much, because Dean has been taking care of him his whole life. Dean choose to be a good older brother and NOT mirror his father awfulness, so he earned his place in Sam’s life.
However i wish the show fans see the two sides, not only Dean POV.
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ssahopelessly · 2 years
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So, a Wedding?
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Synopsis: She had the invitation for nearly three months, but that doesn't mean she would've taken the time to find a proper date. So instead, two weeks before the wedding, she has to ask the only coworker she can think of to attend her friends wedding.
A/N: Let’s pretend Lesley Smith-Juniment is Spencer Reid because it was filmed a little after S9! Anyway, this piece in particular is the fastest (1 week) I have worked on one solid piece and the longest oneshot I have written so far. Please give it a read!
Warnings: taking your coworker to a wedding, mutual pining, awkwardness, anxiety, sharing food, first dance, first kiss, friend from college wedding
Word Count: 7.9k
Masterlist
“Hey Spencer?”
“Yeah?” Looking over at him, his eyes were on me from where he sat at his desks. My words were getting caught in my throat, a mix of anxiety and dread.
“Would you-“ they died there. The thing I needed to get out. Funny enough, if he would just look on the surface of my desk, he would see this dread materialised, in the physical form of a wedding invitation.
“What is it?” Forcing myself to look away from him, I closed my eyes and hoped the words would tumble out.
“Would you want to go to a wedding with me?” With one eye open, I spared a glance at him, the same time the sunlight chose to shine into our office, casting him in a near perfect holy light, a radiant aura around him. The rays caught in his brunette hair, almost giving him a halo. None of this was helping the other thing I was fighting deep down.
His expression though was one I rarely saw from him. Eyebrows raised, breath caught in his nose, he leaned back in his chair, looking at his desk then me. “A wedding?”
“Forget it.” Pushing against the desk surface, I rose from my seat and made my way over to the breakroom in hopes of getting coffee, but also to escape the environment I had just created. But I could hear his steps behind me, pausing at the breakroom entrance.
“Do you want to go?” Spencer’s voice hitched towards the end, being careful with his question, probably fearful I may take off again. “Who’s wedding is it?”
“A friend from college. Her name is Alexis and she’s marrying her high school sweetheart and…” he had moved closer into the break room, leaving a table between us where I was still at the counter making my coffee. But his eyes were comforting, encouraging the answer from me.
“And?”
“She’s expecting me to bring a date and I just- don’t want to make it awkward between us.”
“I’ll go with you, if you want me to.”
“I do, but I don’t want you to feel weird or think of it like a date or that you have to go with me.” I watched as his eyes shifted to the ground, his shoulders slumping in a way. Was it something I said? Was he doing this to be nice? I didn’t want him to step out of his comfort zone. “Like, we’re just friends, going to a wedding.” A small smile formed at the corner of his lips. “Just friends.” I reaffirmed one more time.
“When is it?” Spencer had looked back up to me, lower lip between his teeth. I tried to think of the invitation with the date back on my desk, offering my best rough guess of when it would be.
“In two weeks?”
“Can I ask where?” There was an entertained smile on his lips now, Spencer opting to put his fingers into the pockets of his pants.
“Some winery in Leesburg.” With his head nodding, he straightened up, looked the breakroom over one time, and offered me a smile.
“Okay.” There was a rush of activity outside of the breakroom, visible to me through the window that looked into the bullpen. “It looks like there’s a case.” He voiced the thought we both had at the commotion, a common occurrence in the office. I stirred the coffee one last time before electing to take the mug with me to the roundtable room.
-
“What are you wearing?” He was breathless when he appeared behind me, trying to carry both his messenger bag and his go-bag.
“A gun.” I looked at him from the corner of my eye, eventually stopping to move beside him so we could walk together.
“Ohmygod-“ he brought a hand up to his face, trying to conceal the wave of embarrassment he just endured. “No, I meant to the wedding.” He was trying to laugh it off, but I was kind of enjoying seeing him flounder like this.
“Oh. Well, it’s at a winery so I was thinking about this ruby-ish dress I found at this boutique the other day. Or even this light pink dress I never wore from last summer. Why?” The team was several feet ahead and behind us, so my fear that they would nose their way into our weekend plans was significantly decreased, especially considering how tired we all were after this last case. The whole ride home everyone just voiced their wishes about wanting to go home.
“Well I was just trying to plan what I should wear.”
“Are you thinking of wearing a suit?” It would be hot with the weather in a suit, but Spencer always looked particularly nice and sharp in one of his suits, walking around the office or station. He would still have a cardigan with him, but Blake was starting to encourage him to wear just the suits. Both looks complimented him though.
“Probably, but then I might want to buy a new one.” I spared a glance over at him, one eyebrow raised at his remark. Was he wanting to buy a special suit for the wedding? Were none of his suits in his wardrobe good enough for this?
“Why?”
“Well do you want me to wear one of the suits I wear into the field? One of the very suits I wear around dead victims and everything?” The pieces clicked in my head, how overall grim the context would be. ‘Hi, meet my coworker who yes, is wearing the same suit he wore to the murder house the other month.’
“Okay so maybe buy a new suit.” We both started to laugh as we entered the bureau office building, his arm reaching beside me to hold the door open for me. “Do you want me to send you a picture of the dress when I get home?”
“If you don’t mind. That would be really helpful.”
“I will. And let me know if there’s anything else you need.”
“I will. Thank you.” He gave me one of the smiles that had the strength to make me stumble in my step, forget all reason, and for my breath to stall as it often did around him. But I also had to remember we had to stay friends. That now was NOT the time, nor was it ever, for me to be crushing on my coworker.
-
Thirty minutes before Spencer was supposed to pick me up from my apartment, my phone started to ring from where it was charging beside my bed. “Hello?” I answered, slightly concerned with why he was calling this early.
“Hey, I’m parking at your place right now.”
“Oh! I mean- Spencer, I'm not ready.”
“Oh-“
“Like you can come sit and wait for me inside instead of running your car for that long but I’m still working on my makeup and hair.”
“No, I- I don’t want to invade your space like that.”
“Spencer I’m leaving my front door unlocked. Come up when you’re ready.” Shaking my head, I had to laugh at the both of us. I should’ve expected him to run early like this, but the nerves of spending the whole day with him like this had made me ignore this one part of the plan.
Twisting the deadbolt from the frame, I ran back to my room, not really wanting Spencer to see me in only one of my satin mini robes, not today of all days. But surely, as I had made it back to safety in my room and locked my bedroom door, the apartment door at the bottom of the stairs suddenly opened. “Hey! It’s just me.” He called up to me. “I’m locking your door again.”
“Thank you!” I called back to him, a smile forming on my lips. I was giddy as I applied the final touches of makeup and placed the last pin to my hair, quick to step into my dress and heels. I kept the jewellery light, but also intentional in placing a ring to my ring finger but on my right hand and a ring to my middle finger on the left. Was I doing it for him? Perhaps, but how would he know? A few sprays of perfume and one last twirl in front of the mirror, I was mostly satisfied with how I looked, knowing that if it got too hot at the winery, it would almost be all for nothing. Taking my purse from the bench at the end of my bed, I exited my room and tried to keep my composure as I descended the stairs. “Spencer!” I called into the lower level. “I’m ready to go if you-“ but within the last ten steps of the staircase, I saw him waiting for me just at the landing, “- are.”
“You look beautiful.” Were his first words to me in person for the day, and I tried to fight the butterflies in my stomach.
“Thank you. And you look-“ don’t say anything that’s too much. Compliment him but don’t scare him off, “you look charming.” Charmimg? Like Prince Charming?! Real smooth. But he did look charming. He chose to forego one of his usual dark toned or black suits for a light grey suit.
“Thank you. I showed the tailor the picture of your dress and he recommended this but he also,” reaching a hand into his suit jacket, he pulled a neatly rolled bundle of fabric from a pocket, “found this tie that he hoped would match your dress. In case I wanted to class it up a bit more.” Taking a step closer to him to look at the tie colour, I placed a hand near his.
“Well let’s see.” I pulled our hands, holding the tie, closer to my dress to see not only were the colours identical but nearly the same material. I tried to ignore the butterflies in my stomach again, the same way I tried to ignore how he tensed and stopped breathing at my touch. Then I remembered why he must’ve done so. “Oh, I’m sorry. You don’t like physical touch like that.” I started rambling, a blush rising to my cheeks as I looked to the floor.
“We’ve been coworkers for three years, two months, and 18 days. It doesn’t bother me as much.”
“Well I shouldn’t have just touched you like that, I’m sorry.”
“I promise you, I don’t mind.” As his eyes moved down my face, I had to look away, still slightly embarrassed from my action. Clearing his throat, he spoke up again. “Actually, do you have a mirror I can use? I would like to put this on before we leave.”
“Uh yeah, just under the stairs right here.” I led him toward the half bath where I had a mirror on the back of the door.
“Thank you. It should only take me a minute.”
“Take your time Spencer, we have a few minutes.” He had to close the door to fully use the mirror, which was good for me. I needed to quickly recollect my cool. “Actually I’m going to get something to drink real quick.” I didn’t wait for his response as I entered my kitchen, just further down the hall. There was a half full bottle of coke in the fridge from the other night that I didn’t hesitate to open, careful to drink it without ruining my lip balm. By the time I had taken a few sips though, he had found me, standing on the other side of the kitchen island from me.
“How do I look?” The tie was perfectly centered on his neck, the collar of his shirt pulled over it just right.
“Still charming.” I downed the rest of my drink before resealing it, putting the bottle into the recycle bin.
“Oh, I actually got you something.”
“Spencer?!” He walked over to the sitting area, where to my surprise a gift bag had been sitting on one of the couch cushions. “You didn’t-“
“I know but,” he looked down at the bag in his hands then back to me, “I just really wanted to.” A little speculative now, I placed my fingers through the string handles of the gift bag, taking it from him. Pulling the tissue paper from the top layer, I surely saw what looked like the shape of a mug, wrapped in tissue paper.
“Spencer, did you get me a mug?”
“Just open it.” he insisted, his hands patiently folded in front of him. Careful to unwrap it without dropping it, I placed the tissue paper and bag on the counter surface next to me. With the mug fully unwrapped, I noticed how it was a colour almost resemblant of my birthstone. I turned it around to see the design on the side. It was a collection of stars, that with closer inspection wrapped the whole side of the mug.
“Thank you.” The air had been pressed from my lungs at how simple but effective the mug really was.
“It’s uhm- it was supposed to be your gift for three years at the BAU- but something happened and it didn’t show up for like a week later.”
“That’s so nice Spencer.”
“And the stars, well the stars are the same constellations that would’ve been in the night sky of your first day.” My lungs hadn’t refilled just yet, or maybe they had but forgot how to expel air from them.
“Spencer-“ I didn’t know what more to say, because the mug was clearly more meaningful than I could’ve once believed. “I… I don’t know what to say!”
“Well, be sure to thank Penelope. She helped me order it for you without knowing.”
“Will do.” I walked it over to the cabinet where I kept all my mugs, placing it just at the edge of the shelf, to be one of the first mugs I would reach for, before closing the door on it.
“Should we leave now?”
“Yes, of course.” He moved to walk in front of me, in an attempt to get the apartment door open for me before I elected to say one more thing. “Can you- uhm, go get the car started? I want to make sure my apartment is ready to be left alone for the day.”
“Sure. You know what my car looks like right?”
“Yeah, Spencer I park near it most of the week.”
“Right.” A smile was present on his lips as he looked to the floor, nodding to himself before dipping out of my apartment. Running up the stairs, I made sure everything in my room was off and that the same was to be said for downstairs. Once I was satisfied with that, I quickly punched in my security alarm before leaving the place. On my front doorstep, I walked down the sidewalk to look for his car, quickly finding it, and him, standing next to the passenger door for me.
-
We arrived at the venue about forty minutes before the wedding service even started, giving us plenty of time to make our way into the venue at our own pace. But once we even entered the foyer, we were met with a few members of the wedding party, handing out the ceremony favours.
“Here is your folding fan, bag of confetti, and the parasol. The confetti we ask you save until the send off and the parasol is only to be used outside.” The girl handed the gifts to me, probably because I had the invitation in my hand. And the joy radiating from her face was bright, telling me she was probably a sorority sister from Alexis’ time at college.
“Oh, is it possible we get another parasol?” I asked, trying to keep the three souveneirs and invitation balanced in one hand.
“Unfortunately we only have enough parasols for every couple, not individuals. But I’m sure your boyfriend won’t mind sharing.”
“Oh! He’s not-“ I turned to look at Spencer, the color running to my face.
“Yeah, I’m not…” His eyes were searching mine for an answer, but as two profilers, we both seemed lost on the matter.
“We’re just coworkers.” I regretted the term the moment I said it. It seemed so distant and cold, like this was a last minute inconveniece. And while it was last minute, surely bringing my coworker (who I may or may not have a crush on) to a wedding, it surely is not an inconvenience. So I took the favors, passed the parasol to Spencer while I tried to fit the confetti into the small crossbody purse that I had brought with me, and we proceeded further into the venue. I was surprised to see that there was a path of singular-rose filled vases lining the pathway that was surely meant to take us to the seating area for the ceremony.
“So how did you meet her again?” Spencer asked beside me, looking aroundto take in the details of our surroundings.
“She’s uh, she’s a friend from college. One of my old roommates actually.” He nodded as we came upon a large photo arch. At the bottom of each side of the arch, are photos of them as babies. The sides then rising, photos aging with the pictured child and then teen, then adult, until it meets the curve, and on both sides the photos are a mix of photos of the couple. The framed photo, at the top center of the arch, is their engagement photo, them holding hands with the ring on display, kissing behind their hands.
“So she’s, just another student.” I could hear the undertone of petty energy in his words though he was fully joking, turning to look at him in full.
“Spencer, earlier- I didn’t.”
“It’s fine.” Was all he had to add, a smile pushing his cheeks up. “I know.” We both gave the arch one more look. “And how did she meet him?”
“High school sweethearts.” His mouth fell open like it often did when the last piece of evidence was introduced and he was piecing together how it all fit. But once again, Spencer was quick to step in front of me, holding the door open for me as he also opened the parasol so I wouldn’t step directly into the sun.
“Shall we?”
“I can hold the parasol Spencer.”
“It’s no problem. Promise.” The smile he offered now was one of pure genuine delight. Like if he could, he would hold the parasol for me the whole time. But he didn’t have to, and I wouldn’t allow it.
We found our spots on her side of the aisle, noticing how they seemed to fit all of the chairs, aisle, and altar under two of the largest trees on the property. It was a bit of a walk from the venue house to the location of the ceremony, but once you were seated, it was quite a view. The altar was centered between the trees but even behind that, the roll of the vineyard fields began, offering a look out to the horizon line, a mountain range in the distance offering an expansive backdrop. “You still want to hold that parasol?” We were under the trees like I said, and while the sun was still very much in the sky, for now the branches were blocking a good portion of the sunlight from creating too hot of an air. Shaking his head, he collapsed the parasol down, resting it between our chairs as we settled into our seats. There was about twenty minutes before anyone would walk down the aisle, and as easy as it was to make conversation on the jet, I couldn’t seem to think of anything to talk about with him.
“Do you want to get married someday?” The question pulled me out of my thoughts instantly.
“What?”
“Like would you want a big ceremony like this?”
“Uhm, probably not. Not during the late summer at least.”
“Because of the weather right?”
“Yeah. Like I always imagined an inside venue but even then, probably winter or spring.”
“Why not fall?”
“Not all of us have an affinity for fall Spencer.” The words looked like they landed harsher than I intended, his head dropping a little as he looked away. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay.” His head was still hung low and now I wondered if there was anything I could do or say that would repair any damage I had suddenly created.
“No, I mean. I’m sorry I’m being weird. I mean I feel like I’m being weird. I just-“ I closed my eyes to try and catch my breath and the train of thought that ran with it, but his hand was suddenly on my knee, squeezing the skin and the muscle underneath. Looking back over at him, it was one of his smiles that took over one corner more than the other.
“It’s okay.”
“Is it?” My hand joined his now, resting atop the surface while my knee also came to a stop. I didn’t realise it was bouncing out of nerves, but he seemed to have noticed. “I’m sorry.” I said again out of impulse.
“You don’t have to apologise.” For a moment I hoped he got it. For a moment, I hoped he felt the same way about me that I felt about him. That the secret pining wasn’t one sided. For a moment… “Seeing old friends that we haven’t seen in multiple years can bring up old memories and strong emotions.” And the moment of hope was gone in his one sentence. And I couldn’t be mad at him. Spencer Reid was doing what he did best, finding the logic in a situation to explain the difficulties in hopes that it would make those around him comfortable.
“You’re right.” I squeezed his hand a final time before letting it go, forcing myself to look away from him.
-
The ceremony of Alexis and James carried on without a hitch. The bridesmaids wore the softest form of blush pink, in dresses that best fit each bridesmaid, unique in style from one to the other. The groomsmen though were indistinguishable from the other, all wearing black suits with black bow ties, hands folded in front of the other in nearly the same manner. Spencer wondered in his head if they were all models or fraternity brothers together. But in the end it didn’t matter. The whole party was glamorous and picture perfect in a way that seemed almost unattainable . With Spencer to her left, she didn’t have much time to glance over at him during the ceremony, her focus never once wavering from the altar. She wouldn’t miss seeing Alexis get married to James, not even a singular second. But, despite the organised beauty of the spectacle before them, Spencer couldn’t stop sneaking glances at (Y/N). Even in the moments he wasn’t looking at her, when he was looking at the couple at the altar, he could only think of standing up there with her. Even if he didn’t get his way, and she would have them get married in the cold of winter inside a church or the golden hour of spring in a field of flowers, Spencer wondered what her dress would look like.
Spencer had spent the last three years having his little fantasies of (Y/N). They were only ever of simple things. Like holding her hand on the jet, asking her out to dinner on a date. Being able to go home with her at the end of a case and the lovely little domestic life they might lead in an apartment of their own. There were very few girls he had felt that sense of forever with, but with her, he could feel it down to the very nucleus of the cells that composed him in every way. He wanted a forever with her, but the fear held him back. The fear that she may not feel the same, that she in turn may only think of him within the office walls. When she thought of forever, was he even in the picture?
For just a moment though, he couldn’t be bothered with thoughts of forever. Because for once, he had now. Now, where she was next to him under the large trees of this vineyard. Now, where they didn’t have to be agents and professionals. Now, where they only had to be themselves and keep each other company during the events of a wedding. For now, he could let his mind relax and just be present in the moment.
-
The reception would be held in the same building we had initially entered through. The newlyweds and party were off taking photos so while we waited for them there was an open bar or as we were encouraged to call it “cocktail hour”. And while I had never seen Spencer drink any sort of drink or cocktail in the few years I worked with him, he chose to drink a glass of wine, which I think he only took maybe three sips of before we were all being ushered into the dining hall for the reception.
I never quite understood the science of how decorations, especially those at a wedding, could match one’s personality but walking into the room proved another testament to that. When it came to Alexis, there was a certain level of whimsy and fantasy that surrounded her, so it was not strange to find she had found a way to make fairy lights travel up the walls and across the ceiling to form a canopy over this celebration. Instead of multiple tables dotted throughout the space, she went for a few rows of tables, forcing everyone to be surrounded by the other. It was almost in a way to make everyone not feel left out or separate from other parties, to make sure everyone felt included and connected, if not for just the common thread similarity where everyone in the room had to know the couple. But even the decorations on the tables carried an element of her personality. Candles sitting in glass fixtures with more fairy lights strung through and in between them while blush pink petals decorated the surface. It was something out of a fairytale dream sequence, but it was something that surely made you think “this is her wedding.”
Spencer and I found our assigned spot on the end of the table that also made us close to the sole table that ran perpendicular to the rest of us. That table in particular was for the couple and their party and family members. And suddenly the lights over the room dimmed, and the reception was starting.
Her parents were the first to be introduced, followed by James’ parents. The wedding party entered, with the best man and maid of honour following behind. It was only then, as they were holding hands, I realised they were in fact also dating. It made me wonder how they met, how if helping each respective person of the wedding had strained either couple but ultimately, how they all came to know each other. Did they too crush over their coworker for over three years and not do a single thing about the matter in hopes to keep things professional. Did their feelings for the other consume them from inside before they could call the other theirs or were their own feelings so consuming that they were bursting at the seams, so that the other knew already. After them though, Alexis and James finally entered.
Alexis had notably changed from her altar dress to a different ensemble. Where the dress was a lovely white, the lace of the bodice almost as white as a cloud, her reception outfit appeared to have a pearl sheen to it. The skirt that flowed from the waistline notably poured from the sides and the back, the front of it cut away so you could see the fact that this ensemble offered her pants to give it a more high fashioned look. Despite the fact that she had an aura of fantasy and whimsy, it would not be Alexis if she was not also making a statement.
Their entrance had seamlessly transitioned into their first dance as a married couple. And she must have found a way to make her reality a fantasy, because watching her dance with James was like watching the princess finally get the dance with her prince in those movies I used to watch when I was a kid. The same girl who would gawk at the screen growing up was raging in me now, only wanting to experience that moment with the man both behind but beside me, our bodies turned in a way we could watch them on the dance floor. I spared one glance to him over my shoulder, and his eyes met mine, a certain sparkle in his eye contrasted the fairy lights around us as he offered me a smile. I turned away from him before the blush on my cheeks could form under the low light. It almost hurt to watch the fairytale couple on the dance floor now. Fiction had become real for them, but I was unsure if fate would be as kind to me.
At some point during the toasts from the families though, Spencer must’ve noticed my mind was somewhere else. My knee wasn’t bouncing from anxiety like earlier, but his hand found mine this time under the table. “Hey.” He whispered low to me, leaning his head closer to my ear.
“Hey.” I didn’t try to fight the smile that crept to my lips, wanting to be unapologetically me after being the mess earlier that I had been.
“Are you okay?” He was still whispering, never once showing any indication that he was going to let go of my hand.
“Yeah. Why?”
“I just-“ Our eyes met at the same time but I had quickly noticed how close we were to the other, our noses almost bumping the other. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
My cheeks moved in a way that I could feel the movement push my ears back a bit. “I’m fine thank you.”
“Okay.” I gave his hand one squeeze before he let go. As I turned back to watch the table at the center of everyone’s attention, I felt his hand on the small of my back. It was a touch that made my spine straighten out of reflex but he chose to gently rub the space there, and then he quickly withdrew his hand. “Sorry.” A small laugh escaped my lips once again.
“Spence, it's fine.” James’ father had stepped back up to the microphone, and quickly said a prayer over the food and ceremony, and the appetizers were soon carried out.
“Do you want the oranges on my salad?” Looking down at his salad, he was holding the small bowl in both hands, his nose scrunched at the sight.
“Do you not want them?”
“No. I don’t like when oranges are mixed with cheese like that. And if I brush the cheese off, I can still taste it.”
“Sure.” With his fork, he carefully raked the collection of slices into my bowl and then started eating his. “Do you want my salad?”
“What?” He asked through a mouth of food, turning his head back toward me with a raised eyebrow. “You don’t want your salad?” It was almost entertaining to watch him try to talk and eat.
“Not this one. But I do want these oranges.” It was his turn to laugh now, a smile forming once again as he nodded, turning back to this salad for another forkful.
“Yeah, just let me finish mine.” As we both worked on our variations of the salad, it was time for the Best Man and Maid of Honour speeches. Half listening, I found out that he met James when they were in college and she had met Alexis way back in middle school. Both of their speeches were heartfelt and where the Best Man made me laugh, the Maid of Honour made me want to cry at the sentiment. Then dinner was rolled out for everyone and once again, Spencer and I found ourselves bartering food trades. Instead of oranges and salad, this was time it was my side of asparagus for his side of au gratin potatoes. By the time we had cleared our plates of steak and our chosen sides, the wedding cake was being rolled out, and even that seemed like it was from a fairytale dream. Fortunately though, there was no bartering of the cake slices, Spencer and I knowing each other well enough to know that we both have a sweet tooth. If anything, we were wanting a second slice, but this was something we would deal with later.
It was not long before the dance floor was officially opened for everyone. Spencer and I lingered back, talking amongst ourselves before I spotted Alexis and James making their rounds to greet their guests. Standing from my seat, I motioned for Spencer to follow me, so that I could finally say hi to my friend. “You came!” She yelled at me as she pulled me into a hug, her eyes quickly landing on Spencer as we pulled apart. “And you have a boyfriend?”
“Alexis!” I snapped at her, turning back to check on Spencer. It didn’t even seem to phase him, his smile never leaving his lips.
“We’re coworkers.” He tried to correct her.
“We’re friends.” I was trying to amend his statement when I noticed how Alexis was looking between the two of us.
“Well, I’m sure knowing her is never a dull moment.” There was a smirk in her expression that I hadn’t seen in a while. It was the one she used to get on campus, when you told her one thing and it was something she had heard before, but her prior knowledge seemed to have more details. It was a look of knowing, knowing that to her she seemed to think she understood more than you. And she often did.
“It never is.” I didn’t need to look at him, I knew from the light undertone of a laugh in his words that he was smiling, that he was finding this exchange amusing. ”Congratulations to you guys. And the decorations are just spectacular.”
“Thank you.” While it was probably the phrase she had heard the most today, she took his congratulations like it was the first one she heard, looping her arm with James’. “And thank you both for coming. It means everything to me.” I’m not sure to what extent she knew about our jobs, other than often when she was in DC, I was not. “Okay, one last hug. Our photographer is waving us over.” She pulled me in for a hug that lasted a bit longer than I thought it would. But I soon understood why. Alexis was humming a tune only for me to hear. And I didn’t hear it clearly at first. But playing it over in my head as she pulled away, it clicked. It was I Can Hear the Bells.
“Alexis.” I groaned as she winked at me, leaning into James as they walked away.
“What is it?” Spencer was standing closer to me now, the tips of his fingers lightly bumping mine.
“She just,” I had to find the words. Everyone we met tonight had seen him as my boyfriend. And while it was a fantasy I hoped it would come true, it was something I was scared would never happen. Dating your coworkers was never advised in any profession, but I meant what I said. We were friends. Spencer and I are friends. But I wanted to be so much more. “Alexis finally got her fairytale.” And naturally when I looked up at him, the song over the dancefloor had changed. His hand slipped into mine and I ignored the way it felt, how goosebumps had rippled across my skin. It was clearly time for a slow dance on the dance floor, and I didn’t want to trust the fates this time.
“(Y/N)?”
“Yeah?”
“Can I have this dance?” I tried to force the breath through my lungs.
“Spencer.” I warned, rolling my head from shoulder to shoulder. I had never seen the look in his eyes. It was one of pleading, his eyes reigniting their sparkle from earlier but this was one was holding onto the possibility of a forever. Or maybe that was just what I wanted to believe. “I don’t… really like dancing.”
“Oh?” I watched as he tried to understand, but the hope was still there.
“I mean. It’s been a while and I don’t want to step on your feet and-“ he squeezed our hands, as if it were an unspoken reassurance.
“I don’t think you will.” My bottom lip found it’s way between my teeth as I looked to the floor where couples had taken, holding each other in close embraces. Even if I wanted that, I wasn’t sure I would allow myself to have it. I knew what this would mean for us. “Please?”
“Just… don’t take any legal actions if I do?” This laugh was gentle, his eyes closing for just a moment as a smile rose to his lips.
“Promise.” Like any scene I had seen in a movie, he walked me onto the dance floor, keeping us just on the edge so there were not many others near us. I let go of his hand to put my hands on his shoulders, his hold moving to my waist. We started in a swaying side step motion and it felt like an awkward dance posture from the 1980s. “Here, let me.” Removing one hand from my waist, he held it out to the side. “Put your hand in mine.” Trusting him, I did as he asked, trying once again to control my breathing. “And now I’m going to put my other hand on your back.” The move would naturally pull us closer together, and the breath I was trying to control earlier was forced from my lungs. My hand slipped down from his shoulder to his forearm, my focus solely on where my hands were and whether it was awkward or uncomfortable for either of us. “Is this okay?”
“I thought you didn’t like touch, like this.”
“I don’t like touching strangers.” He clarified for me, staring down at me. It was then I realised how close we were once again, our breaths fanning across the others' faces. “You’re not a stranger to me.”
“No, we’re just friends, right?”
“You’ve never been just a friend to me.” Where was an oxygen tank at this point? “I’m sorry if that’s overstepping on my part.”
“No, no.” I bit my lip before looking back up to him. “You were never just a friend to me either.” Looking at our hands, I wondered if I could get the photographer to take this picture for me. His hand carrying mine, supporting it in a way it also enveloped it. Our hands were the cliche of puzzle pieces that were always meant to be together. “I’m sorry for calling you my coworker earlier.”
“I mean it’s not entirely wrong.”
“No, it was wrong. It is wrong.” Tears had started to prick at my eyelids, but I tried to blink them back. I would not cry in front of Spencer Reid at my friend's wedding. Not today. “Spencer you’re more than that.” His smile was small but it was soft and it was there. It was as if the dance floor had vanished at this point, we were in our own moment, having our dance in the clouds.
“Can you just say it?” There was something to his words that finally made me believe. Believe in the simplistic idea that he could and would return my feelings. But the lingering fear held me back.
“Say what?” The world stopped, or maybe we did, as he held me close to him. Our bodies had never been this close and maybe it was due to the syncopating rhythms of our hearts, maybe they were finally speaking for us on the same wavelength.
He let out a breath that fell onto my skin. “I like you.”
“You do?” I asked, if only to get a form of confirmation. I didn’t want this moment to be one I had misheard, or imagined. Our big daunting forever was cracking at the seam to reveal itself to us.
“Yeah.”
“Spencer?”
“Yeah?”
“I like you too.” It was his turn to smile down at me now. His hold on me tightened if only for a moment because in the next, he kissed me. It was a quick union of our lips, a moment that I prayed would live on the surface for as long as I breathed. Neither he nor I could erase the smile that forced our cheeks higher up our faces. His forehead fell to rest against mine before I moved to rest my head on his chest, to have a chance to finally hear his heartbeat and maybe thank it for bringing us here.
“You know, I’ve never danced with a pretty girl in public before.” He whispered next to my ear, the hand on my back pulling us closer again. It was new to be there, but it felt like the one place I belonged.
“So you’ve danced with other pretty girls?”
“No one compares to you.” It was then as I pulled back to look at him, the music came to a stop. I felt his body tense, and he squeezed my hand just one more time before letting go of my frame. Spencer Reid was Prince Charming. As he stepped back, he lowered into a bow, pulling my hand to his lips to kiss the surface. “Thank you for the dance.” He lead me back over to our spot at the table as the last dance of the night for the newlyweds was called over the room. We watched from our table, but his hand found mine between us, and I tried to ignore how ticklish my palm became as he ghosted patterns with just the tip of his finger. Eventually I had to still his hand, taking hold of it in a tight squeeze, looking back at him to offer him a smile. I wondered if there would ever be a way to bottle energy, and if so, could I have the discovery just to bottle the energy radiating off of us in this moment. I should’ve been paying attention to Alexis and James, they were the new couple of the hour. But I was so lost in us.
The night came to a close once we were ushered to the parking lot where their exit vehicle waited for them. Reaching into my purse, I dug out the pouch of confetti from the beginning of the night. Spencer took it from my hands, pouring all of it into his palm. I took a pinch of the blush, gold, and olive confetti, and waited along the sidewalk with the other guests. Alexis and James emerged, hand in hand, as we all began throwing the confetti. She spared me one glance and quickly pointed between Spencer and I, flashing me a thumbs up. As I started to blush, Spencer in turn threw a pinch of the confetti into the air. I looked up at him, the moment moving in a freeze frame. Maybe I would remember this moment as well as he often remembered his life. The confetti pieces fell almost like snow and his smile was perfectly etched to lift his cheeks and show his teeth. He was looking up, the light hitting his eyes so they seemed brighter, almost as if they were in turn a precious gemstone. Spencer probably had a logical explanation for every thought I had during the duration of today. It wasn’t quite love at first sight, we were about three years too late for that. But it was definitely a lovely sight. To see Spencer. To see him removed from the office environment, to see him enjoying himself. If anything, I was mad it had taken us this long.
-
Spencer had walked me to my door that night, but as opposed to earlier he kept his hands folded in front of him, every so often reaching to play with the sleeves of his shirt now that his jacket was removed. It was slightly later in the evening than I had originally anticipated getting home. Though, I’m sure the extended routes we took to prolong our conversations had nothing to do with that fact (though maybe it had everything to do with that). It was clear neither of us were ready for today to be over, for this to become a yesterday and then a day far, distant, way behind our present on the calendar. Or at least I wasn’t ready for that. Spencer, however, would remember this day for quite a while, and while I could ask him anything about today, it wouldn’t be my own thoughts. I wanted to remember every moment a twinkle of the fairy lights caught his eye or when the smile on his face wasn’t simply enough to show the pure joy he seemed to be feeling. I wanted to remember how he looked every time he looked at me tonight, looking at me like it was first time.
“I really had fun tonight.” He finally spoke up, breaking my spiraling thoughts.
“Me too!” I had to look at my feet to formulate my thoughts. If I looked at Spencer, I probably would spend another ten minutes just staring at one another. “Thank you for going with me by the way.”
“Thank you for inviting me.”
“Goodnight Spencer.” Turning my back to Spencer, I reached into my purse, trying to find the small keyring with my apartment key. Once I had found it and entered it into the keyhole, disengaging the deadbolt, Spencer's hand was suddenly on my elbow, attempting to pull me to look back at him.
“Do you think we could do this again?” His voice was quiet now, almost as quiet as the night that surrounded us.
“What? Go to a wedding?” The idea made me smile again, what other tender moment could we have then.
“No I mean… hang out, outside of work? Just you and me?”
“Like a date?” I was watching his reaction for even the most minor sign that he would be uncomfortable at the idea. It was the age old “profilers don’t profile each other” and here I was, breaking it. But his smile never faltered.
“It doesn’t have to be. We could simply get coffee, go to the bookstore. I would even run errands with you. Just…” it was my turn to smile just at mentions of ideas now. The mental image of Spencer helping me carry groceries into my apartment was an intriguing idea, and was maybe an offer I would have to take him up on one day.
“How about we start with you calling me? And we’ll figure out the rest from there?”
“Sounds perfect.” Maybe this was just the start of our forever. I hoped in the magic of fairytales that this would our happily ever after.
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