#well. have a longer life for sure. but truly i dont know how much i can handle

[animeshotsh]

Thats MY kid | Dad!Lucifer x Kid!Reader x "Uncle"Alastor |

Summary: Alastor wants to take you out for some time with him!

Warnings: SFW | Probably OOC | Uncle!Alastor | Slight!YandereAlastor | Cursing | Canon violence | Canon hell |

Alastor tried to convince himself he was doing this to piss Lucifer off. No, he did not have any type of attachment to you, he did not see you as his own kid (even if you totally ignored his half request to be called dad when not being around Lucifer). And no, he was not hurt by that.

Right?

Yeah well no. You had touched his heart somehow and now Alastor was down bad, he swears you must have some type of demonic magic (and not just you being you and being amazing) because no one (only his mother) made him feel so much love in his life or after life.

"Uncle?" Your voice called him making Alastor look at you with his signature simile. "Why was dad angry when you showed up?"

~☆~☆~☆~

Earlier that day.

"ABSOLUTLY NO. GET OUT FROM MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW" Lucifer screamed at the radio Demon who just stared back.

"My my, I never had you for the possesive type of dad, with how much freedom you have give Charlie"

"Dont bring my daugther into this" Lucifer said almost breaking a pen. "We both know you want to take (Y/N) out just to get to me. And im not letting you create fake hopes for that kid. That kid is mine Alastor, maybe not by blood but its mine. And I promised I would protect them, for anything and anyone. You can piss me off however you want but dont bring (Y/N) into this".

Well fuck, Lucifer did care for you.

Also, fuck you Lucifer. You did not know how he felt (hell, not even Alastor knew how he felt towards you). After meeting you at the hotel, seeing you interact with the others and also play with his shadows, something started to form inside the old killer. And it got worse when you ran to him asking him how the radio worked, his insides making flips as he explained you.

He also did almost break when you were saying goodbye and hugged his legs. If that was any other Demon they would have ended dead on the spot. But it was you, and it felt right.

"Listen" Alastor started smile still on his face but his tone serious "Im not that low to bring (Y/N) into our....fights. You May not believe me but I care for that kid, if I did not for sure I would not have give him one of my shadows to protect them"

"Wait-you did what-"

"The point is" Alastor interrumped static forming "I dont plan on giving they fake hope, and thats all I Will say"

Silence passed for seconds that felt like hours, finally Lucifer nodded.

"Alright, i will let you take them for today, BUT anything and I mean anything happens to them, you will no longer be here" Lucifer said his tone for once being truly the one from a king of hell.

Alastor just nodded, taking his cane being ready to be out with you for the day.

"Oh and Alastor, I dont trust you. But i want (Y/N) to get here what they missed in life, so dont fuck this up"

~☆~☆~☆~

"Nothing your silly head must worry about!" Alastor assured you. However your face did show you were not buying what he said.

"Smile my Dear!! You know you are never fully dressed without one!!" Alastor tried again, stopping to take your hand and make you spin. Your laught coming out quickly making him relax.

"There it is!" He exclaimed then continue to walk besides you. Right now you two were in the cannibals town. For other demons and sinners this part was even more dangerous than the regular hell. But for Alastor it was like his home, demos in here knew him and liked him, and that extended to you as well. A few had waved and smiled, fresh blood showing. But Alastor had made sure you did not see any dead body, or parts of one.

"Now I have a suprise for you!, I have a friend who owns a restaurant and she accepted to take us in"

"...as food or clients?" You asked joking making the radio Demon smirk, radio laughts in the background.

"Well, since she is my friend, we are clients of coruse" Alastor responded getting a nod from you. "Of course you wont be eating anything...special, regular food I promise"

~☆~☆~☆~

When you two entered the restaurant you found it to be empy....aside from some workers who came quickly to guide Alastor and you to a private room with a big table.

There, on one of the chairs a very pale Demon with deep black eyes stood. Noticing Alastor she got on her feet coming closer.

"Alastor, its so good to see you again" she beamed at the radio Demon stopping a few inches away.

"And who may this little creature be?"

Jokes, Rosie knew who you were. He had to listen to Alastor talk about how unfair it was that you had decided to call Lucifer dad and not him.

Being by Alastor side gave you confidence so you took some small steps closer to her.

"Im (Y/N), im Alastor newphew" You stated proudly making Rosie smile showing her sharp teet.

"Thats wonderfull, now please sit I have prepared the best for both of you" Rosie exclaimed calling over the workers who appear to help the three of you settle down.

"For you my friend, I got you the finist meat from this side of hell" A plate with fresh flesh was presented making Alastor almost growl at it. "And for you little one a bird told me you loved chocolate" a big space on the table was now occupied with the biggest and most extravagant chocolate cake you have ever seen.

"I-its that all for me?" You asked not believing it. Getting a nodd from Rosie "and I cant eat all of it?" Again a nodd.

You almost cried when the first slice was put in front of you. No one ever got you cake in the living world.

"Oh and to help you not chocke with that, Alastor I have some.." Rosie paused looking for the right words seeing how you were now devouring the cake "a very special drink" she finally said, a bottle with red liquid appear. And for you, I prepared a mix of appel juice and strawberry" she said getting the most pure look from you.

"Thank you Miss"

"Oh, just call me Rosie" she responded.

~☆~☆~☆~

Turns out you ate most of the cake and now the sugar had gave you too much energy. Rosie had asked her workers to play with you some game of tag, without biting.

And hell, you were fast. Outrunning the old demons and even letting chairs fall to prevent them from coming closer.

Rosie used this moment to dig as much information about you from Alastor as she could find.

"So, Lucifer just decided to take them in? What a strange guy" she said sipping her own drink. "And now you are taking care of them?"

Alastor nodded "yes, you must see Lucifer's face when I show up and (Y/N) calls me uncle, he its so angry"

"But you truly care for them" Rosie stated. "You would never have asked me to prepare something that does not come from sinners or demons knowing where you are. You also made me order the town to keep the body display low to protect them"

Rosie could read Alastor as an Open book.

"Uncleeeee" your call alerted the overlords, seeing you running towards them with the biggest smile on your face. "The other said they are too tired to keep running after me, does this mean I won?"

"Well centraly!! I knew no one would be able to catch you. You are my relative after all"

You nodded and smiled going back to your chair to drink more juice. "This is amazing. Thanks a lot Mi-Rosie!"

"Aww, arent you the cutest" Rosie beamed her hands squishing your cheecks.

~☆~☆~☆

After the food and some more talking Alastor decided it was time for you to go back with Lucifer (and no, it was not because he had got at least 666 messages from him).

Rosie had told you to come whenever you wanted that no one would hurt you in her town.

~☆~☆~☆

"I had a great time Uncle!" You told Alastor as the big castle started to show in the distance.

"Well im glad Dear! Dont forget to tune the radio for my program tonight" Alastor said petting your head.

"I wont! Dad hates it but I love it, specially that music you use...ummmm jazz?"

Alastor started to think that just kindapp you and made you his kid instead would be for the best.

"(y/n)!!" A very distinct voice screamed

"DAD!!"

But he would not want to hurt your feelings so, seeing you from time to time would have to do.

He waited for the exchange to end, Lucifer asking you what have you done and also making sure you were not hurt. After that he nodded to himself.

"Alright, now go inside, Xin has prepared you a bath"

You nodded but turned towards Alastor going for his legs again to hug him.

"Thank you uncle!! No one ever took me to a restaurant or got me cake. Lets meet again soon" you smiled up to him showing pointy teet.

Before he could respond you were running inside the castle with a very worried maid behind you.

~☆~☆~☆~

"Well..looks like you did not ruin this" Lucifer stated seeing you run off.

"I told you I would not" Alastor responded offended. "(Y/N) has potential to grow up to be a powerfull sinner (no you did not) of course im going to look over them"

Lucifer just shoot Alastor a knowing smile then turned around to enter his home.

"Thanks for not breaking his heart" he finally said then the doors closed behind him leaving Alastor alone.

Of course he could not bring himself to do that, even if he wanted to. You were his newphew. His. Not someone else.

And no one breaks the things he loves.

Not even himself.

#hazbin hotel lucifer x reader #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel x you #lucifer x reader #alastor x reader

[mangosrar]

call it closure

chris sturniolo x fem reader.

long asf. smut. filth. sexy chris 😛😛😛

your relationship with chris had always been complicated, a will they wont they sort of thing. you both loved eachother, that was obvious, yes you were his, but he wasnt yours.

you both decided friends with benefits would be the best option. well for him. part of you agreed just so you could play pretend, trick yourself into thinking you had him, and you knew nothing lasted forever, but he fooled you for a while.

everyone knew chris had major commitment issues, but you just didnt understand. he treated you like the only girl ever behind closed doors, but the second anyone else was around, he would drop your hand.

you thought this would be fine, you had him, you had him to yourself and that was all that mattered. until you realised you didnt. he had you eating out the palm of his hand on complete puppet strings. he said jump and you asked how high. you had fallen down a dangerous rabbit hole, and the only way to escape was to drive a knife straight through the heart of whatever it was you and chris had.

flashback.

the house was the quietest youve ever heard it. matt and nick were out so chris had invited you over to smoke with him but you were pretty sure he had over done it because he had gone completely none verbal and just started staring at the wall. he was slouched down on the couch with his feet up on the coffee table and his hands in his lap. you were too, slouched down on the couch with your knees up. he took a deep breath in before breaking the silence.

"do you think were soulmates in every universe?" he said. not moving his eyes from the spot on the wall. you could have cried right there and then, feeling a deep aching pain bloom in your chest from his words. you hated how he was so absentmindedly killing you.

there was an abundant pause and a thick tension gathered in the air, you wondered if chris could feel it too.

"are we even soulmates in this one?" your voice was so quiet and soft you weren’t sure he even heard you, until he let out a frustrated sigh before bringing a hand up to his face and pinching the bridge of his nose.

"come on y/n dont start this shit now" his voice was harsh. he kept his eyes closed waiting for you to drop it, like you did every time, but you werent sure how much longer you could carry on like this.

"what chris? im being serious, i dont even know what this is anymore, you treat me like im everything one minute and then act like you couldnt care less is i fucking live or die the next!" you let your feet fall and land on the floor as you sat up and turned to face him.

"you know thats not true" he took his hand off of his face and let it rest in the air. his eyes still closed.

"do i?" your voice was quiet and broken. this was draining. the heavy presence of the fact he wasnt truly yours was sucking the life out of you. he opened his eyes and looked at you.

"we both agreed to do this y/n you cant put all of this on me" he sat up and rested his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands together and staring at you intensely.

there was a pregnant pause, he was waiting for you to defend yourself, or at least try to argue his point, but you couldnt, he was right, to a certain degree. yes you had both agreed to friends with benefits but you hadnt agreed to being hopelessly in love with someone who only reciprocated those feelings in the dark.

you dropped yours eyes, tearing them away from his and letting them linger on his hands before taking a deep breath in.

"i cant carry on like this, its killing me." he tried to cut you off momentarily but you held a hand up, stopping him. "i wont beg for you to love me anymore chris, because i know that somewhere deep down you really do". he said nothing as he stared at you. he was completely speechless. he felt that pain, just like you did, deep in his bones. you searched his eyes for something, anything, a sign that you were lying and just embarrassing yourself, a sign that told you he wasnt at all affected by this, any sense of doubt. you found nothing.

and with that, you left. you got up and walked out of that house, leaving chris to sit there and regret every singe life decision that had got him to this point, but he didnt come after you, he didnt try to stop you, he didnt try to change your mind and thats what stung the most.

end of flashback.

"im going to pack the car so everyone bring your bags down!" chris shouted from the bottom of the stairs.

you pulled the zipper closed on the bag before taking your phone off the bed and making your way downstairs, nick following close behind you. you didnt even look up at chris. you couldnt, you wanted to take complete advantage of the short amount of time you had left to distance yourself from him as much as possible.

it had been about 3 months since you walked out on chris, you hadnt spoke at all, he hadnt tried and neither had you, both of you just accepting fate and trying to move on, but considering the fact his two brothers were your best friends and you practically lived at their house with how much you were over, it was proving to be quite the challenge.

you just politely dropped your bag at his feet and scurried off into the kitchen, bumping into matt.

"you want me to drive the first or second half?" you asked. considering you were the only two that could drive, you insisted you would split it.

"i dont mind but, you sure you wanna have to sit next to chris for that long?" he lowered his voice slightly, his eyes darting to chris who was grabbing all the bags behind you, as his face scrunched up slightly. you glanced over your shoulder at him briefly before crossing your arms over your chest and shrugging.

"its okay, he wont talk to me anyways" you let out a pathetic laugh through your nose, trying to make the situation a little light hearted and a lot less embarrassing. matt obviously picked up on this but was kind enough to ignore it.

"ill do the first half, he will probably fall asleep by the time we swap anyway" he patted your shoulder and you nodded as he made a bee line for the front door.

matt and nick were probably the worst part of this whole situation. they were stuck smack bang in the middle of this pandemonium. of course they both knew what had happened but they gave you the courtesy of separating you and chris with you and them and decided to move past it. you and chris were both aware of how awkward it was for them, and thankfully, he was mature enough to not kick up a big fuss every time you were around. you hadnt spoken at all since that night, only the odd flash of a smile sent each others way when you crossed paths and that was rare, so when nick invited you on their weekend get away to a cabin in the middle of no where with them, you were obviously delighted.

the drive was excruciating. if it wasnt matt and nick arguing it was chriss shitty trap music playing or the gps redirecting you. while you were driving up front chris hadnt even spared you a glance, he didnt utter a single word to you the whole time.

part of you was grateful but another part of you wished he would have, selfishly, so you could just get over it and enjoy your weekend, but nothing was enjoyable anymore as long as chris was around.

"i call the double bed" chris yelled, running through the house.

"y/n theres a room with two singles, wanna bunk with me?" nick asked, slipping his backpack off of his shoulders.

"sure" you nodded, before making your way to the room, setting your bag down and plopping on the bed with a huff, matt trailed in behind you, with your suitcase.

"come on grouchy pants, were gonna have funnnn" he said swatting your leg that was dangling off the edge of the bed.

"i need at least 3-5 business days to recover from being within a 1 mile radius of chris for longer than 30 seconds" you let out a breath as you looked over to matt who was leaning on the door frame with his arms folded over his chest.

"that bad?" he raised his eyebrows in question.

"that bad" you replied flatley. matt just chuckled and motioned for you to follow him downstairs. you huffed and sat up before stomping down the hall after him.

in all fairness, it hadnt been that bad. the 4 of you had eaten, laughed played games and just had fun, regardless of the hanging tension wedged between you and chris. it was now 11:30 and everyone was asleep, but your mind just couldnt switch off, tossing and turning, checking the clock every 5 minutes. you huffed and looked over at nick who was out like a light. hot tub it is.

"i dont know madi, it just hurts" you spoke.

"has he even tried to talk to you?" she spoke over the phone.

"not one single word, and the thing is i dont know if i wanna strangle him or just kiss his fucking face off" you huffed, readjusting your arms so they were resting on the edge of the hot tub with your phone in your hands, the rest of your body being engulfed by the warm blanket of water.

"im worried my advice is gonna get you in trouble" she laughed, making you blow out a huff of air through your nose.

"it doesnt matter, i cant bring myself to do either" you and madi spoke for a little while longer beofre you wrapped the call up, put your phone on the ground and let your body sink lower into the steaming water until it was resting on your collar bones.

you sighed and let your head fall back, this is what you needed, a relaxing moment, the quiet calm of the night lulling your brain into a state of tranquillity, no matt and nick arguing, no chr-

"cant sleep?" you almost had a heart attack, your body jolted forward as your eyes darted around searching for the body that owned the voice.

"jesus, chris you scared the life out of me, how long have you been sitting there?" your hand rested on your chest, feeling the rapid beat of your heart from being startled. he just stared at you with drooped eyes from his position on the patio chair, opposite the hot tub.

"long enough" he said. his face didnt show any sign of emotion. his stoic expression sending an un willing chill up your spine, despite the warmth of the chlorine filled bubbles around you. chris leaned forward and you swallowed thickly.

"did you mean what you said?" his voice was alot softer and quieter than before, like he was worried you would break at the slight tone of his voice. you couldnt bring your self to look back up at him, he would eat you alive. you paused momentarily, weighing out your options of whether you even wanted to entertain this conversation with him or just cut him dead.

there was no way in hell that you were letting yourself fall back down this slippery slope again, so just like before, you abruptly got up and out of the hot tub, reached for your towel and made your way back inside, without sparing him a glance, keeping your eyes trained to the floor, leaving chris once again, to watch you walk away from him, and all the same, he didnt try to stop you.

"nick open the fucking door!" you whispered loudly. no reply.

resting your forehead against the door, you mentally cursed yourself for even going in the hot tub. you should have stayed in bed and this whole situation would be avoided, chris too. speak of the devil and he shall appear.

"what are you doing?" he stood just beside you with a questioning look on his face.

you huffed, pulling your head back and looking up at him.

"nick locked the door" you sounded so defeated it made his heart beat a little harder in his chest.

"you can come sleep with me, ill take the floor i dont mind" he motioned his head towards his designated bedroom while keeping his eyes trained to yours.

you dropped your head and sighed. how was this happening. you had spent months walking on egg shells, doing everything in your power to stay as far away from him as you could, and now you were forcing him out of his bed so you could sleep there.

he stared at you waiting for your answer. he knew you had no other option, you couldnt sleep on the couch with matt and you were also stood in a wet bikini and a wet towel. be realistic y/n.

"sure, okay" you looked up at him, and his eyes gained a fraction of hope momentarily, before he nodded and started leading you to his room. this was going to be a long night.

"um, i dont.." you paused and cleared your throat. "i dont have anything to wear" chris looked up at you from his position on the bed before his eyes trailed over your body, stood in a towel in the bathroom doorway shifting on your feet, looking like a nervous little girl.

you cleared your throat again, snapping chris out of whatever trance he had gotten into. he stood up and walked over to the dresser at the end of the bed, pulling out one of his t-shirts and a pair of boxers, before padding over to you and handing them over.

"thanks" you smiled.

"no problem" he replied, watching you turn back into the bathroom, slamming the door in his face and leaning against it, you werent sure if this was going to work, your left control was wearing thin.

how had it ended up like this? you tried so hard to have some composure but you couldnt help it, he was shirtless, clad in grey sweatpants hanging dangerously low on his hips, basically inviting you to jump straight on him.

his lips trailed down your neck as his hands ran up your sides, relishing in the feeling of your skin against his after 3 months of complete torture without it.

he brought his lips back up to meet your in a hot and heavy kiss, tongues dancing together, teeth clashing, the works. frantic hands gripping his hair relentlessly, pulling groans from his mouth.

chris brought his hands to the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head and separating the kiss, before diving back in and sucking purple marks into your neck and collarbones, earning breathy whines from you.

there was a moment of hesitation from you as he trailed his hands lower fiddling with the waistband of his boxers that you were wearing.

"chris wait" he halted his movements and brought his face up to yours. god he was making this so hard. he was breathing heavy and his hair was messy from your curious hands, his chain dangling between the two of you.

"we shouldnt be doing this" you shook your head, eyes wide.

"why y/n?" he asked breathlessly.

"because chris" you whined. he knew exactly why. all your hard work of keeping your distance from him had just been thrown into a sweltering ball of gasoline and chris had completely set it alight.

"call it closure" he whispered. he could see the inner turmoil you were facing. you knew you were about to give in, and judging by the smirk growing on his face, so did he.

you pulled his face down to yours again and he hummed into the kiss, the feeling of your lips on his being something no drug could ever amount to.

he continues his trail down your body, leaving wet hot kisses in his trail, keeping his eyes glued to yours. he was dragging this out, savouring the blaze of your touch.

"chris please" you whined.

"what baby? tell me what you want" he spoke in-between leaving kisses on your stomach and thighs.

"just fuck me" that was all he needed to hear before he was yanking your shorts down and doing the same with his own pants and boxers. he was on his knees between your legs, pumping his cock in his hand, eyes wondering over your frame hungrily.

"so pretty" he muttered before brining his lips to yours again and pushing his cock into you, giving you no time to adjust to his size before he was pulling all the way out and slamming back in over and over again. you were already a mess underneath him, mewling and moaning like you would never get the chance again.

"missed you so much baby, so fucking much" chris grunted in-between thrusts before peppering light kisses down the side of your face and neck. you just whined at his words.

his pace was relentless and your hands flew to his back, dragging your nails down his skin, pulling a low "fuck" from chriss lips.

"so good to me y/n, cant believe i ever fucking let you go" he said as he stilled his thrusts and pulled back, sitting on his knees and lifting your legs up to rest on his shoulders, and continuing his thrusts.

you let out a lewd moan at the new angle, hands gripping the bed sheets as chris arms wrapped around your thighs, drilling his cock into you so deep, hitting that spot inside that made you see stars.

"oh fuck chris dont stop" you mewled, letting your head fall back.

his pace became impossibly faster, every single thrust knocking the air out of your lungs.

you were pulsating around him, your high getting closer and closer. chris dropped your legs and doubled over, shoving his head into the crook of your neck with a deep groan.

"fuck y/n i can feel you squeezing me" his words were strangled and breathless. he brought his lips to yours once again but the pleasure was so good and you were so close you couldnt keep up with him, chris noticed this and smirked against your mouth.

"come on sweet girl, give it to me, come all over my cock" he said as he brought his thumb down to rub hard, fast circles over your puffy clit making your back arch even further off the bed.

you let out a strangled moan of his name before being launched into a pool of complete, white ecstasy, your eyes rolling to the back of your head. his thrusts did not falter as he sat up watching you ride out your orgasm with hooded eyes.

“you look so pretty like this ma”

he wasnt far behind, his hips stuttered before he let out a loud whine, followed by a hiss and a string of curses, painting your insides white, sending a few more thrusts, filling you to the brim, before collapsing on top of you.

the two of you were sweating and panting, both completely silent, just relishing in the feeling of the post sex haze. your hands come up to his hair and you ran your fingers through it soothingly.

he planted a soft kiss to your collarbone before bringing his face up so he was eye level with you. his eyes trailed over your face, creating a memory and he took a deep breath in before speaking.

"i do love you”.

_______________________________________________

YALL😛😛😛😛

sorry for starving you guys i’ve just been mad busy but i’m back !!!! love u. bee ❤️‍🩹

taglist: @christinarowie332 @biimpanicking @chrisenthusiast @urmyslxt @soursturniolo @kitaysworld @kvtie444 @mattslolita @flowerxbunnie @lovingsturniolo @its-jennarose @ermdontmindthisaccount @secret-sturniolo @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @justaslvttygirl @urfavstromboli @chrisfavoritepepsi @kenleighsbl0g @udonotknowme

#mango talks #nick sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo x you #matt sturniolo imagine #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo x you #chris sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo smut #smut #christopher owen sturniolo #chris sturniolo blurb #chris sturniolo oneshot #chris sturniolo imagine #matt sturniolo #sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo smut #my stuff #short king #s

[psiirockin]

do you have any advice for opening commissions? i feel like you have them very professionally set up, and i have pretty bad social anxiety, so it might be helpful to hear tips for communicating with customers and such, or setting up a fair tos!

hi so, maybe i do have some advice!!! <33 thank you so so much for the kindness & seeing me as professional lol i’ve been doing comms for 2-3 years and i must say.. still getting the hang of a lot of things. you go through a lot of trial + error trying to figure out what works best for you, so remember theres no truly right way to go about comms! they should all fit the needs, pace, and benefit of you and your work ethic!

what i did personally is start off at some lower prices just to test the waters and get the ball rolling. i priced rendered characters at i think, $24 per character? possibly lower, i cant quite remember. and then i gradually went up as i started to progress in my art style more + had more people coming in.

with customers, i have a lot of anxiety as well! im autistic, so i never like making a customer feel like i dont truly care abt the commission by accidentally sounding too flat or anything. i tend to RLLY overthink it lol so we make sure we are extra talkative + kind about their comm! giving them compliments on the character, showing genuine excitement so they know theyre in good hands! (we love engaging esp when the customer seems VERY excited or enthusiastic abt the commission!)

a lot of irl turmoil tends to happen in our life which can make a comm delayed sometimes. could be severe mental health problems, just being busy w/ shit in general. its important to just keep your customers up to date, especially if its going to take a realllyyy long time or the customer likes frequent updates.

i used to be able to get shit done in like a night. but, with an actual line up/queue of comm work we progressively started taking longer and longer esp as we transitioned from a teenager starting out and into a busy adult with persistent mental health issues. (plus our art becomes more complex as time goes on, so that has to be taken into account) tbhs, depending on your availability and how much effort goes into your work, and as the demand grows, you need to charge accordingly and just be honest with your clientele.

as for TOS do what makes you comfortable! make your limits known and put your foot down when a request or any topic makes you uncomfortable. dont let your customers get inappropriate with you or try to make you feel bad if they dont wanna pay for what they ask for, etc. i also recommend requesting payment after sketch/half and half when starting out just so you can get some experience under your belt + assure future clients that youre professional n wont scam them! (if you plan on switching to payment upfront in the future)

just remember that u are not a machine, you are a human being making art for someone else. putting love n effort into your craft, time and effort. take your time getting the hang of comm stuff, things dont have to be perfect in your setup at first.

#asks #asks open #commissions

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

Got an idea

So i had this idea and i understand if you dont do it

so you know how farmer erases memories of people at the shrine?

What if a character (you can choose or do every character if you like) suddenly rememberd some of the past? Will they think it was a dream? Will they hate the farmer ?

I want to hear your opinion

Thank you regardless if you do it or not

Bye bye

Hello-hello! 👋

I decided to write about SDV bachelorette in this ask, hope it's ok. Thank you, and enjoy 😊❤️

_____________________________

Emily:

Emily can't understand why she has the same weird dream. First a stranger stands in some dark place with a stone as beautiful as the heavens, and then two unfamiliar children transform into beautiful doves and fly away from her. No matter how much the blue-haired girl tried to find the meaning in the dreambooks - to no avail. A strange sense of déjà vu occurs when the local Farmer gives her sister a prismatic shard for her birthday. The girl doesn't understand why her sister Haley hates this gift so much. This is a very beautiful stone!

A stone as beautiful as the sky, a stone... The same kind of stone the Farmer gave her when they.... got married?? But it must have been a dream. Wasn't it?

Emily had never felt a strong sense of protecting her sister before. It's... very strange.

Maru:

It's been so long since Maru turned on MarILDA and let her creation go free. And she's so glad her robot didn't forget about her - MarILDA sent a message by fax! Maru no longer remembers if she had set this feature originally or if the robot was able to set itself up, but still. Impatiently, the young inventor pulled a piece of paper from the fax machine and began to read quickly.

"Greetings, creator Maru. I hope your life with your partner Farmer is satisfying you..."

Wait, with who?

What MarILDA is writing about? Farmer's not her partner, she's..... She's.... Why can't she get rid of the idea that she didn't turn on the robot alone? Maru wanted to show it to someone, right? Someone special.

No, that's impossible. She can't have memory lapses like that... Why is Marilda convinced she's married to Farmer? It doesn't make any sense.

Abigail:

"You hit Farmer because you dreamed they were your spouse and betrayed you? Are you serious right now!" Abigail can understand her father's sarcastic tone: hitting people because she was the one who dreamed something there is utter nonsense and unjustified violence. But she knows it wasn't a dream, she knows for sure. Like broken pieces that slowly but surely became part of the whole again - her and Farmer's date, the Mermaid pendant, the wedding, the fight in the house, divorce... Their hidden smirk when they told her they didn't know what Abigail was talking about.

Since her parents wouldn't be able to help her... Well, that just leaves that strange bearded man in the tower. She has to make sure it's not all a sick fantasy.

Penny:

Penny was so happy and truly grateful to the Farmer - they decided to donate her many interesting books, which will definitely be useful for teaching the children. When they invited the young teacher into the house, she couldn't tear herself away from the cozy and beautiful kitchen design. Everything is so cute and comfortable! Not like her trailer room.... That beautiful rug, those lovely flowers, that cozy strawberry decal.

The decal... Strawberries.... That's the...

"A 'Strawberry House' theme? Something warm and inviting, right? I like that too! What a wonderful choice, my love!"

Penny dropped the books from the hands the Farmer handed her. They looked confused at the red-haired girl, whose face was overflowing with horror and tears streaming down her eyes. Without having time to ask her anything, she ran away.

"Huh, what's gotten into her?"

Haley:

"Do you have ponies on the farm?"

Haley felt paralyzed by her own question, addressed to the Farmer. She couldn't explain what it was, but snippets from either a dream or from the past flashed before her eyes:

"So you don't have a pony? Eh, boring..." "Wow! You're not as weak as I thought." "Thanks for finding Grandma's bracelet. I'll never forget that..." "You know, I'm starting to like the smell of green for some reason." "Buy a pony for our farm? Oh, thank you so much, honey! Let me give you a kiss!"

"D o y o u h a v e a p o n y o n y o u r f a r m ?"

The girl doesn't want to ask them about ponies ever again.

Leah:

"Hey-hey, neighbor! Are you home? Can I borrow a glass of hazelnut from you?"

Leah had been standing on the doorstep of the farmhouse for about five minutes now, banging on the door, waiting for the owner. While she was gazing out of boredom at the beautiful fields full of delicious crops, her gaze now stopped at the overflowing trash can. Smashed CDs, old newspaper, soda cans....

A broken wooden toy sticking out of there... with Leah's signature on it. But she didn't make any toys for Farmer, so what does that mea-

"Darling, look what wonderful toys I've made for our future baby. Isn't it wonderful?"

One insignificant detail, her broken toy. A few seconds was enough for the shocked girl to quickly recover...

.....and fly into a pure rage.

With all her might, she threw the cup at the window of their house. When a disgruntled Farmer quickly jumped out at the sound of shattering glass, they were quickly taken aback by the girl's stare. A look full of hatred, anger.

"We need to talk, dear neighbor."

#stardew valley #sdv #thanks for the ask! #sdv abigail #sdv penny #sdv maru #sdv emily #sdv leah #sdv haley #sdv headcanon #sdv headcanons

[inevitably-johnlocked]

i have a confession

recently i had some trouble and had to delete an email

problem is, i used the google docs there to write my fics. and i thought i downloaded them all, but only one of my major ones did, and i lost everything else

literally all of it

i am anonymous because i lost my tumblr acc but on ao3 i am veetheree, and i had this longer dilemma regarding my potterlock fic (pretty disillusioned with rowling and all.that, unsure whether to continue) but even so i saw that a lot of people subscribed to it and i wanted to at least see where the story leads, i had over 300k words apart from the 40k i published

and i domt hve it anymore :') i didnt check the process because it seemed okay and i had other uni and work stuff to take care of, and now i check it and :') it's gone :')) im not doing well, and i am going to delete the fic i think

i dont have the energy to maintain it and i dont want it to be left in the dust either - i have lost all hope for it, and this is just a punch in the gut. and i was proud of the plot and how i intertwined the 2 worlds too

this is mostly just a rant because i dont really have anybody else who can relate to the pain of fic writing and the challenges that come with it

also, as to why i had to delete the email - it's complicated, hacking situation and such, but it happened over 2 months ago so im not able to retrieve it and neither do i really feel like looking into it, im done with that fic for good 😭

that's all, thank you for being a safe space for me to go to, and i apologise to anyone who was waiting for that fic to be updated :(

Hey Lovely *HUGS*

OH GOODNESS, I'm SO sorry you had a garbage time with your email, and even more so, accidentally deleted fics from your Google Drive without saving all of them. I'm TERRIFIED of losing my own fics from my G-Drive all the time (I do actually write and have about 15 "snippets" of fics on there) and back them up religiously.

That said, I can understand how life can overtake literally everything and just make being online Too Much™ – happens to me all the time 💜🖤. And I know how disheartening it can be to just... not have the motivation anymore to continue on with something, heaven knows I've done that plenty in my 40 years, LOL. And Lovely, we have to remember to do what's best for us in the long run.

When I was a teen, I wrote a fairly popular Sonic fanfic series that I never completed, literally left it on a cliffhanger. This was back before even FFNet, and fics were distributed in the Sonic fandom on our Geocities pages via Webring, LOL. After life took over, it still remains unfinished over 20 years later. I recently found the original word docs of all 9 of the stories (with the 10th one half-finished) and while I cringe at my bad writing from back then, I still love immersing myself in that world. One of these days, maybe I'll finish it, because I do think it was a great concept and intriguing storyline that dealt a lot with humanity and sentience, just obviously written by a teenager, hahaha.

The point of that anecdote? We can still love the things we wrote, and still want to engulf ourselves in that world from time to time and not feel bad about it. And if you decide to come back to it a decade from now, that's okay too. You're only human.

And never EVER hesitate to come here for a friendly eyeball to vent to. I try my best to make y'all feel not so alone. Glad to see you are okay, Vee, truly. That's what's most important.

*SNUGGLE BUGGLE HUGGLE* I hope you have a beautiful, prosperous day. And I'm sure your fic-fans understand <3

#steph replies #steph's sofa #new tag i think... i answer enough asks like this :) #chatting with lovelies #fandom life #author problems #writer problems #my advice #i am not a professional

[k-s-morgan]

hi ks!! hope you're doing well. i absolutely love your hannibal meta posts, and while i have no idea if youd still be open to any asks, id love to hear your insight on something im stuck on (im also rly new to analysis so pls forgive me for any dumb comments!!) tw sa mention

in the hannibal s3e13 script when dolarhyde attacks will in his hotel room, there are a few lines with notable word choice:

"postcoital" "terrible lover's embrace" it threw me off a bit bc i didnt expect such specific wording. is this scene an allegory for sa? i wasnt sure if this was just the norm for hannibal scripts or if this was something noteworthy.

as far as i understand dolarhyde is now terribly jealous of will for being the subject of hannibal's love and angry at being emasculated. lots of ppl also say dolarhyde wanted to "change" hannibal by ruining/"defiling" the one thing (will) he truly cared for.

everything seems to makes sense, but i dont know if im making something out of nothing, or oversimplifying it. do you have a take on this considering your opinions on the francis hannibal and will dynamic? id love to hear anything you have to offer!! ty for all you do <3

Another ask: hello!! so sorry to bother again, happy late birthday!! i was judt wondering if you got my ask about the will + francis scene in the script---totally ok if you dont wanna answer it! i would just love to discuss it because i couldnt find much discussion for it when i tried searching tumblr/google

--------------

Hey! Thank you so much for your ask and for your wishes <3

So, 'Hannibal' scripts are indeed famous for having rich sexual imagery. In this specific case, there is also context. I don't know if you've seen this already, but there is indeed evidence that Francis had sexual interest in Hannibal (apart from other kinds of fascination). From his notes made for the show, this particular bit (transcribed by Bentley):

“I think we are so similar and could be the best partners that history could have seen. Let me show you what we could do together doctor. I am so eager to please you to be your friend your lover perhaps. Why not I think we could love each other doctor. Don’t you want to have someone that is the one in your life. That special someone that is always here for you. It is me doctor? I am!”

Here’s an interesting part about Will as addressed to Hannibal:

“He faces you, he traps you but in the end he is broken! Do you think he understands you? Do you think he really appreciates your magical power? Does he realize how special and unique and wonderful you are doctor. I have my doubts, I don’t think he really sings the wonder, the salvation that can come from following you, knowing you. ”

That’s extremely interesting because it gives a much deeper insight into Francis and his motivations. For one thing, one of the phrases that always bothered me in the show is his description of Will - namely, the mention that he’s “not very handsome”. It’s from the books, so it might apply there, but Will in the show is handsome, very much so. Francis seems to resent him.

After Hannibal basically helps Will get to Francis in the museum & some more events later, Francis grows furious because he realizes that Will is the central player while he, Francis, is a pawn. Hannibal doesn't care about him the way he thought.

Francis’ attitude to Will undergoes some changes: at the start, he touched his photo, which denotes his interest. He threw him away like a toy in the museum, and while it’s just an interpretation, to me, he looked pissed at Will in particular. When he tells Hannibal later that Will interests him, it can’t be just from their museum encounter. Francis clearly knows a lot about Will (likely from Freddie’s articles), but he doesn’t like him because he thinks him unworthy of Hannibal, which his notes prove. But in TWOTL, in the moment you mentioned, Francis is very unsure about Will. He is no longer certain what to think of him (since he thinks Hannibal has chosen him). He automatically treats him with some sort of respect because of who he is to Hannibal and what he must represent.

I think this explains how they chose to describe the scene of the attack. It's not necessarily a sexual assault, but violence frequently has erotic undertones in 'Hannibal.' Here, Francis might be trying to look at Will like Hannibal, like a lover, hoping to understand what he sees in him. He's respectful and almost reverent at some points after Will regains consciousness. In his eyes in these moments, Will is Hannibal's partner, the man who has what Francis wanted.

Notably, this respect turns into fury in the finale, where he attacks Will viciously. Interesting that he goes to ruin his face first and foremost. Considering his own insecurity, it says a lot about his many-layered jealousy, from deep to a superficial physical level.

#hannibal #francis dolarhyde #hannigram #will graham #hannibal lecter #season 3

[slutnali]

hola, belleza 💖 here's a question: what do you think is your best fic/wip, and why? you can pick more than one, and i really want you to compliment yourself!

hola preciosaaa💜✨

posted? it would have to be

tripping, falling, with no safety net: this is my cc sashnetra fic of the two of them during the competition. i remembered hearing about how during filming the queens are allowed to go to the gym and/or the pool for about 30 minutes with one of the other queens. so being delusional and insane with @dawningofdrag on discord, we went on a spiral just hc'ing how neech and sash would become closer and it became like our baby. i know it isn't long, just under 2k words, but i was proud of myself for writing cc and actually posting. it also got pretty well reception and the comments on that fic still make me smile !!

ch2 is supposed to be set during the standup ep when neech and sash are paired together and essentially sasha gives neech a peptalk in untucked. but i'm not sure if I'll ever get around to it :/

as for my best (and fave) wip, it'd definitely have to be my baker nali x handywoman rosie. i've talked to you at lengths about this one but it truly has some of my favorite tropes and themes. to be completely honest it was sorta inspired by some trixya fics around as2 or a little after that?? [yes i had a trixya phase back then] writers who i'd befriended at that time [no longer active in the fandom] who wrote au's i'd never think of, especially when it came to people like trixie and katya.

i feel like most of the sapphic fics in the fandom never really feature butch lesbians?? [but then again i only read fics for the ships i really love so i could've missed it!] which i kinda understand since most of the drag queens have super high femme aesthetics, some venturing into alt or masc aesthetics etc... but anyway, i wanted to venture into a femme x butch love story and i dont know, i guess something diff i hadn't really seen before for rosenali fics.. i have a whole outline of this slice of life type of fic that i'm not sure i'll ever finish but i have so much love for it and the type of love between the two of them.. its like freshly made bread gifted to you. except i made the bread and im gifting the bread to myself

#answered #writing ask #ty for asking this mar im giving u a kiss on the lips and ur head and tucking u in

[noblehcart]

Guess who's baack? Its me with a new take on things and tired of running my blog the way I was. SO FIRSTLY, thank you all so much to those who commented and liked my hiatus post 💕💕 I felt so terribly horrifically alone, scared and felt like I was just spiraling into i don't know what and all of the lovely comments and likes on that post helped me immeasurably so thank you all.

I want to give an especially big shout out to @myhiraeth, @leadtohell & @lordofthestrix for reaching out even further to make sure i was okay even after that post because I was just in a seriously bad place and because these lovely people were continually checking in on me. These three I consider my closest friends and phenomenal writers so please go check out their blogs and hit up the muns because they're truly some of the loveliest nicest people on the site.

As for this blog there will be some shifting, deleting and change ups. I will be closing ranks a bit more, especially around to those that did reach out in some manner of way to check on me. Something I realized over this time is that I write best with friends and friends who write back with me. I get not everyone has time to write and be on tumblr, that is not what i mean by writing, I mean simply conversing with me. As I've said before I don't need you to actually thread with me just...talk with me. Plot with me. Tell me about your day. Talk with me about whatever crossed your mind. I write best with friends I trust and who trust me. It does not mean communication has to be on the daily, its whatever generalized communication we set it up as or whenever something pops into mind, but that's how I write and that's how I write best. Me being on this site is getting increasingly difficult and so I am trying my damnedest to stay on, but I can only do so in the company of friends. Friends who check in on each other and write with each other and think of each other and their muses. That's the environment I want to cultivate during my time on here.

I still have an insane IRL going on that is intensely private so that means my time is also hectic, but I am the kind of friend who will try to check in on you and think of you and your muses if you are close to me. However that interest will diminish and drop the less and less I see invested into me as well. I am no longer the sit and wait friend, I am the 'im as invested in you as you are in me' and therefore whatever writing experience you want to cultivate with me requires involvement. I may lose 'friends' or followers and that is fine. I completely understand, but this shift of life that I'm experiencing has brought me to this point of exhaustion of always being the friend who stays and waits. If you want to come write with me then please come write with me and if not that is entirely fine.

But I want my writing partners to be my friends and for the large part most of you ARE my friends because that is what truly develops the best plots, writing and fun and why I love being here with you all.

TO DO LIST:

delete majority of drafts (i need a fresh start with the upcoming year)

unfollow people ( a lot of inactive or people who i dont write with)

revamp old characters (luka mikhailov; i'm tired of letting him sit in the wings)

remove muses (Inej Gh.afa, gleb vag.anov, Dr. Henry Mo.rgan, Chri.stine Chapel , Christi.ne Da.ae , Farazeneh Shir-Del, Gabby Christ.ensen, Ana Mcclain, Paul Chauv.elin, Cassian, Gwyn Ber.dara, J.ason Todd, Nest.a Arc.heron, Ela.in Arche.ron )

add new muses (iris winnow, etienne ainsworth, esme lennox)

create new sideblogs for specific muses (Inej ghafa, gleb vaganov, the ivanovs?)

new mumu blog to be decided?

#// ooc

[somescenecatholic]

ALL TUMBLR PPL PLEASE REPOST THIS ANYWHERE U CAN! THERE NEEDS TO BE MORE PROTESTS ABT THIS BC IT'S PRIDE! This can't go on for any longer. TW: p0l1c3, h0m0ph0b14, tr4nsph0b14

Qween Jean, a Black and Trans community leader was arrested at a PEACEFUL march for Trans Liberation on May 31st, 2023. AS SOON AS THEY GOT THERE there was lots of police and they arrested Qween Jean. I'm not sure if she's out yet as I can't find info on tht. On instagram it says to bail support at 7th precinct 191/2 Pitt St, New York, NY, 10002

This can't keep happening, there needs to be nationwide peaceful protests abt this!! Demonstrations need to be everywhere!!!! IT HAS BEEN 53 YEARS SINCE THE FIRST PRIDE PROTEST! I say protest bc PRIDE STARTED AS A PROTEST! It can ONLY be a parade when we truly get our rights. We can't celebrate until we see our victory. Like, our victory is in the bag bc good ALWAYS wins but we need to take ACTION!

ALSO, ANOTHER THING! NOTE HOW WHEN THE NYPD GOT KICKED OUTTA PRIDE, THEY STARTED ARRESTING AND STUFF! If they actually cared they would let this go on. They would actually do smth and hold their own protests for police brutality and etc to stop. Ik there are good police out there who are actually helping out the communities but lets be honest, the system is screwed up. There is far too much corruption. You KNOW it's bad when even little kids are scared of the police! No, not bc they may look intimidating. But because they are literally scared for their life. Same thing with guns. I was walking home from the bus stop when I was in like 6th or 7th (i forgot) and I thought I saw a gun in someone's car tht was parked in front of me and I was scared to the bone. Thankfully it wasn't a gun, it was smth else.

Anyways I'm getting kinda off topic. But yk what I mean right? (if u got any questions, do ask, my dm's and comments are always open! ^w^)

I'm just so sick tht the stuff tht should be in HISTORY BOOKS is happening right in front of my eyes. Like there have been sm protests and stuff against this for FAR, FAR longer than I have been alive!!! (Ik im only 16 but still this is a srs outrage)

It srsly sucks that this is the world I gotta grow up in.

SO THAT'S WHY WE GOTTA CHANGE IT!

Any action u do can help the world change fod the better. Never miss an opportunity to do good! (big or "small")

SOOO! If u can, go to a local protest! Try to put ur community first, yk? Also, reblog this post and spread awareness about these kinda issues. I'd love to go to a protest buttt I do not have supportive parents and I don't have a car. ALSO, remember tht every act of kindness counts. And dont just keep it to ur friends. Support good local businesses, give compliments to everyone u meet, cheer ppl up, listen to others, donate to GOOD, TRUSTWORTHY charities, do NOT give canned food to food banks bc they need actual food, so give them money, and give homeless ppl money too yk? Ppl are like "WHAT IF THEY SPEND IT ON DRUGS AND STUFF?" Well ofc yea tht's a possibility but who says they won't spend it on what they need? Yk? Basically be a good person, support queer ppl and poc ppl, etc. The world needs sm more kindness. People say "HAH friendship, love, and kindness is such a simple concept tht's not needed". The fact tht it's simple says everything. If we had more of tht, all these issues would cease to exist.

Also, another thing:

PROTEST SAFETY RULES!!

Take water and stay hydrated! If someone doesn't have water and u have some to spare, waterfall it.

Keep face masks and switch your phone to airplane mode. This is a surveillance country. They know how to find you. And if u take pics, make sure tht ur location is extremely hard to pinpoint.

If a police officer arrests u, know ur miranda rights and STAY SILENT AND BE CALM! They will use what they can to take it against u. You have to think a stairway ahead of them. They can't say anything if u don't say anything! And justice will be served so dw, God's with you. Also, yes u can say ur manners like thank you and excuse me.

Again, please repost this everywhere u can.

Remember,God loves u ALL, no ifs ands or buts. ACAB and love is love. Trans rights are HUMAN RIGHTS!!!!!

You matter and the right to speak and protest is a human right. This is our world and we have the power to change it!

(also please tell me if I got anything wrong in this post)

#acab #pride parade #lgbt pride #poc alt #queer poc #people of color #queer tumblr #queer community #mogai #very important #please reblog #rawring 20s #scene revival #scenecore #scene kid #scene #rawr means i love you in dinosaur #rawring twenties #all cops are bastards #this is america #america #the usa #the right to speak #protests #current events #injustice #safety #protest #take action #activism

[yooniesim]

hey guys, hope yall are doing well as usual! 💗 I think I'm gonna be on break a little while longer.

I'm not sure quite how long. I might be back into it in a day or a week or a month, I just don't know how I'm gonna feel, haha. It's nothing to do with anything here, or sims burn out or something like that (ok, maybe a little burnout, but not much). My mental health just has not been the best all round for a little bit. Often times I'm very tired and struggle with anything besides sleep. I don't have access to meds atm and there's going to be hurdles to climb to improve the situation I'm in now, that sometimes feel like molehills and sometimes like mountains. Life is very heavy now. And while sims remains one source of comfort, simblr has become less so. Sometimes when I rest, things that were said here come back to me and stick in my brain, weigh on my heart instead of lightening it. Usually, seeing good comments from friends and funny asks and people enjoying my cc balances that out, but sometimes it doesn't. It's all things over and done with, that the people involved probably didn't think about then and certainly don't now, and yet I still do. It takes time to forget things like that. Even if it is really just crumbs compared to everything else I'm experiencing, sometimes it's like the little tiny feather landing on a gigantic pile that just causes it all to collapse. But I think, maybe, venting these feelings will help. I know that many of you probably also suffer with depression, self-doubt, intrusive thoughts and other negative emotions. And probably also had (possibly many) indeterminate hiatuses. Besides just keeping yall updated, posting like this feels helpful because I know there are others here that understand that weight. And when I do see good comments from yall, it reminds me that, there is a lot of good here on simblr. That we're all just people trying to connect with people, in the forms of silly lil sims. That lifts my mood a lot.

Ah. Here i am on another tangent lol. I've gone so far off my original point, but. Bringing it in... it may be a while before I'm truly back in form, so to speak. I want to post things here still when I have the energy and motivation. But I dont have a schedule for that just yet. I'll just be taking each day as it comes.

Thank you to the ppl that leave me nice replies and mention me even when I'm on hiatus. Thank you to the two people that donated to my patreon!!! I was so shocked to get notifs haha. Thank you to my lovely mutuals and everyone that downloads my cc. I'm really grateful to everyone!!! I love yall.

And yes...... I will make more teef 😬 just be patient 😉

Now. Back to the skyrim tiddy mods 🤧

#ceci speaks #text #nonsims #delete later #depression tw #i will answer asks at some point #maybe #🤧

[gaycaelus]

hello! please read this, it's very important. thank you. <3

i hate to make dark and gloomy posts like this, but there's nothing else i could quite format this post in that would help emphasize and get my point across.

1. first, id like to start off with a somewhat update that indefinitely/over the next week or two, (it's undecided as of currently) that I'll be taking a small break from tumblr, and the rest of my social medias. i know, i know, ive said countless times how i wanna start being more present here, but as of current with a few situations going on; i dont think ill be able to. as the status of said inactivity, it's undecided for me. i love tumblr with my heart, and to me it's like a second home. i might stay active, i might not; it is, again, undecided, as im writing this is quite a haste. (nothing bad making me do that, just wanna make sure i get all my thoughts out before I trail off or forget) if i do stay active; please don't mention it. if i don't? don't mention it. my activity might come in bursts even. if you send me any type of private message/dm, i can't guarantee a quick response, but i will try to get to you eventually.

2. said situation. i can't go into detail, simply external things that have clashed. im not in peril, so don't worry too much.

3. I hope this doesn't sound like a farewell (because, well, it isn't) but i truly, from the bottom of my heart, would like to thank you all for talking to me and engaging with the art i make. you've brought me endless joy and you're all great people and friends. thank you, really, for curating somewhat of a secondary home for me :] i can't emphasize truly, truly how much i appreciate it all.

4. conclusion! that's just about the end, i think! please don't worry too much about me, nothing life altering or severe has happened. just taking a breather <3 hope i didn't scare you,, that'd be the last thing on my mind :']

if you've read all the way down to here, thank you so much <3 you're a real one. (everyone who talks to me is but pft. i digress) whether my "break" lasts a day, two days, a week or longer, and im super active or nowhere to be found; do! not! worry! i am Okay! I'll update when and where i can!

if you have questions for whatever reason, I'll answer them best i can/within my best ability. thank you for reading my rant; sorry it got so long, wanted to make sure i got everything i wanted to say, said :'DD

#important #cloub chatter #ill be present on artfight too! #aa ive been so sporadic here :')) my apologies

[the-crab-behind-the-slaughter]

i fucking love the devourer of gods from the terraria calamity mod (rant)

god hes genuinely such a good skill check

like. i know it sounds strange because hes one of the very last bosses you have to fight but

he really is

hes the final wall before you can fight the rest

if you can't beat him as intended there's no way in hell you're beating the rest

because like. even up to the sentinels

you can just annihilate them

but you HAVE to be able to dodge his attacks

hes got too much health, and hes got mechanics in place to nullify attempts to cheese him

hes the true skill check of the calamity mod

no other boss comes close to how he makes you feel fighting him

he truly does make you feel like you're fighting a god though

with the devourer of gods, it doesnt necessarily feel like a fight for your life. it's that, sure, but it's also a fight for divinity

it feels like a climb to new heights

i love him as a boss

he's so well executed

the music also feels this way though

it reaches a crescendo mid-battle and he transforms, showing you his true power and with it, a new theme

and it goes harder than DIAMONDS

like every battle after truly feels like a battle between gods.

but devourer of gods?

it's a battle between mortal and immortal

and it FUCKS

it makes you feel so powerful

he truly is the gateway to true power, as well

the final tier of gear is locked behind him

his first phase feels like he's playing with you, almost

it's kinda reinforced when you get him down to 75% hp and he goes "Don't get cocky!"

but when you get him down to 60%, he transforms

he gets much larger, much longer, and the difficulty of the fight increases significantly

i dont like to call him a gatekeeper because he's so much more than that but

he is a DAMN good one

he is the gateway to divinity, and you have to break it the fuck open with all you've got

#terraria #calamity mod #copied this from discord sorry abt the weird format #i go insane over him #maxx rambles

[prettyboykatsuki]

i'm bombarding you with asks i'm so sorry but i have FEELINGS about this game—

i was so adamant about you helping the church folks in Saint Denis because the scene with Arthur and the sister would NEVER have happened if you didn't do the side quest! 😭 instead you get a small scene with Swanson which isn't nearly as impactful imo. literally the way he LOOKS and SOUNDS when he finally says out loud, "i'm afraid" fucking KILLS ME EVERY TIME.

he's so TIRED and EXHAUSTED and he knows Dutch is going to be his death but he loves Dutch and the gang and STILL tries to save him because he has nothing else and doesn't see his own skin as worth saving. but you know who he sees worth it?

John.

the same John he was (rightfully) giving grief to for abandoning the family that Arthur WISHES he still had. the same John who he would needle and bicker with, but in hindsight it resembles the needling from an older brother trying to keep the younger in check. and because he is who he is, it's so vividly clear that Arthur, despite everything, still loved John and still cared about him and his family SO much.

hell, Arthur loved everyone else in that gang more than himself. except for fucking Micah. but because he's so loyal to Dutch he would never do what he wants to do to Micah and played nice with him longer than he ever fucking deserved.

i just. i'm sick. i'm sick in the head. he gave EVERYTHING for the gang and tried to get those he loved safe, no matter what.

i love how you say that Arthur is too good for you. he'd never, ever believe you.

IM REALLY GLAD I DID THE QUESTS!! and i really enjoy how these little inconsequential meetings and quests impact arthurs journey as a character. like the sisters quest was simple and nothing too dire at all - but it has such a big impact on arthurs life. him saying in his journal that that conversation unburdened him after everything made me sooooo fucking weepy.

seeing arthur get more perpetually sick and seeing the cloud of death hang over him as the game progresses and him still doing everything he can to save dutch when he is well passed saving. dutch is an unforgiveable piece of shit and i do hatre him for what he did. it was truly truly truly so painful to see arthur continue to give to dutch. partially because he loved him and partially because he wasn't sure what else there is

i had a very long conversation about this w lamb but i really. i really love the relationship there is between john and arthur. i really love that they have a genuine sense of brotherhood between them and that the corruption in the van der linde gang stems so much from this corruption of the family structure. arthur sees john as his brother. like in a serious sense.

both the way he reprimands john and the way he looks out for him. the way he's willing to sacrifice everything and believes that his life will have at least meant something if john makes it out. i think arthur projects a lot onto john in a way that is only experience with older brothers. his hopes and wants and dreams. even his grief. he passes those things onto john and john, like younger brothers often do - take them on. he absorbs so many of arthurs mannerisms and tries hard to make good on what arthur wanted of him.

it was . so painful for me to hear that john heard arthurs voice in his head after everything. arthur loved that gang to pieces even when it didnt do him the courtesy of returning that love in the sligtest. oughhsdjs

YURI YOU SAYING THAT IS MAKING ME SO SICK. he is TOO good for me like so genuinely i dont think i could date a man so decent but you're right that he would never believe it and that makes me sick. arthur morgan you foolish and silly man

#return to sender #im experiencing such genuine and empty grief thinking about him #a.rdr2 #he is . such a good man. he was such a good man. i cant explain what it was making me feel #he was so decent. the picture of him and mary linton when he was young absolutely destroyed me #i simply could not be with mr morgan he frightens me

[turtletoria]

CHARACTER RAMBLINGS THAT WONT LEAVE ME ALONE!! YES ITS ABOUT TWO BRAINS

Something that im really worried about with my characterization of two brains is that im de-fanging him as a villain.

While he has moments of sincere kindness (like when he gives wordgirl a comb on her birthday, unprompted, or when he helped her literally all day for a presentation; in a lot of their conflicts, they seem to be roleplaying a hero and villain. yknow), he can also be really cruel (ie, in the ep where he kept interrupting wordgirl from her normal life, to the point she complained, he said something along the lines of “i dont care”; in mousebrain takeover, he nearly killed her).

[IF YOU WANT TO KEEP READING THIS MASSIVE ESSAY OF A POST, GO UNDER READ MORE! YOUVE BEEN WARNED, THIS IS REALLY LONG. I MIGHT CUT IT LATER BUT I PROBABLY WONT </3]

While the nasty parts of his personality could easily be chalked up to Squeaky, i dont think thats a fair or interesting take because this denies the autonomy that im pretty sure Boxleitner retains to a certain degree -- plus this gives the character more complexity! Maybe Boxleitner enjoys being evil! Maybe the theatrical side (like when 2 brainz was essentially giving kid math superhero cues, or whenever two brains tries to make any of his crimes a spectacle) is Boxleitner being devious and having fun?

So anyway, here comes the crux of my dilemma, and a similar dilemma i think that the wordgirl crew also had when we see that they didnt bring Boxleitner back: i love two brains as a villain too much and losing him would be really sad!!! Also, there was a post on here (i lost it though, sadly, so if anyone has it please share!!) talking about how what a character deserves is not necessarily what the plot calls for -- I think that this applies here quite well. We would all love to see Boxleitner back, but without a significant plot reason, that wouldn’t make for an interesting narrative, especially in regards to how this relates to wordgirl the character. However, if we look at the last ep that two brains was in before the show ended, it’s the mind-switching ep! And in that ep, two brains was essentially Boxleitner again (though he kept referring to his human half as two brains... inchresting), and he essentially was trying his best to be a hero for wordgirl. I like to think of this as the sign that Boxleitner coming back could have happened had the show been able to go for longer and have more lore significant moments (like secret spaceship showdown)! Man I am really hoping for a well-done carmen sandiego-esque reboot where story can take a front seat to the educational aspect (but dont get rid of it, i like the words).

Another thing I wanted to bring up was that in the pilot of the show, two brains was seen to be having inner conflicts between Boxleitner and Squeaky a la Jekyll and Hyde, but this was cut due to being too dark for a really young audience. However, I wanted to put a twist to that (i know this is cringe but please bear with me): in the pilot, Boxleitner is made aware of there being an audience of kids out there, so I wonder if he tries very hard to not show his struggle to kids, including to wordgirl. So what the audience sees is a silly mouse guy who is delightfully dastardly, while in actuality Boxleitner has to hold himself back from being worse or truly hurting people. I don’t find this hard to believe given that Squeaky was gung ho for murdering a little alien girl and her ape friend. (But there’s also that interesting twist that Boxleitner may also have enjoyed the creativity of his villain persona, given that we see his inventions being absolutely bonkers nuts like a time stopping device??? or a huge magnet that can pull heavenly bodies???).

To that end, I dont see two brains separating voluntarily. First factor is time - hes been stuck for so long, and this has become familiar. Also, there is a chance that he may not feel like there’s anything left for him as Boxleitner -- throughout the series we dont really see a mention of his family, save for mention of a “niece” (i think this was the ms power ep) and a young lady he was in a photo with (in the new years’ ep). I’m guessing the lady is a younger or older sister, and that the niece is her daughter --> judging from the photo, and how he has kept it, I am thinking that he had a good relationship with her, and judging from how he was able to go to her niece’s graduation, they maintained contact even after he was Mous-ified.

Personally, my perspective on Boxleitner’s Backstory is that he was in a bad home, but he and his sister were close and managed to get out via college. Boxy just went into something like chem or biochem.  He became a professor at Fair City (with an ulterior motive of meeting a superhero that hes heard of that lives there), teaching chem or whatever, and doing research into public service/superheroing on the side (very stressful, as hes running out of funding and nobody thinks this is a worthwhile venture). He is never able to catch up to wordgirl, and constantly misses meeting her -- in fact he is never able to see her clearly since shes zipping around too quickly and doesnt stop to talk to people.

At this point, no one has really seen what wordgirl looks like since 1) she barely knows how to be a hero and 2) Huggy is probably more focused on her doing a good job and helping people, and doesnt take into consideration the public aspect of being a hero (we can see in the show that he’s very protective of her identity - he probably doesnt want her to be seen for too long). One day, on his way to a presentation, he is saved by a very young wordgirl (probably around age 6-7)! He’s shocked that Fair City’s hero is a little girl, and he is instantly like “where are your parents???” etc. etc. but upon meeting Boxy, she finds in him a mentor that can help her with superhero-ing alongside Huggy (if Huggy helps with her alien powers, then Boxleitner helps her with being human). He goes 100% into research and publishing that superheroes and you book and sort of foregoes his professor responsibilities in favor of helping out wordgirl full time and working as a researcher for fair city. This leads to struggles with presentations and grant denials and other things that plague academia (screaming crying), things that wordgirl is unaware of (she is BABY) and also the audience doesn’t see (Boxleitner is a king of repression). As for Squeaky, I sort of see that as a project of ego --> not really for the benefit of science, but mostly for the spectacle and to remain relevant as a researcher. He was essentially pulling an Icarus after a bunch of fails and the need to do something good. Maybe I’m looking into this too deeply, but whatever thats the joy of life!!!

ANYWAY, all this to say that he never mentions parents and probably wouldnt have a drive to go back to the life he left behind. Except! He loves his sister (otherwise, why would he keep that image of himself and her NEXT TO HIS BED...) and he obviously loves wordgirl. I am wondering if there would ever be a catalyst event that he cannot stand being two brains anymore (maybe hurting wordgirl really bad, emotionally or physically, or maybe guilt has caught up to him or maybe he has grown horribly tired of losing all the time). I would imagine there being an invention mishap or an accident that throws them into a new situation --> picking up the pieces of being shocked into a new situation could prove to be interesting in seeing how characters respond to this change.

To conclude, I am conflicted with where to go --> I see Boxleitner trying so hard to help wordgirl with being a hero, especially considering that as she grows older shes going to need more help with problems like with violet or facing villains that get tougher and tougher like rhyme and reason; despite his help, he falls short and has to deal with the fact he was not as there for her as he should have. Or Boxleitner decides that he wants to stay a villain (I love two brains i hate to see him go). Personally I think the first option seems more interesting in how he can adjust to this new life and there are interesting themes of consequences and forgiveness to be explored there. 

Ok thats all folks! Until next time :-)

#not art #its so damn long. i should do a word count

[chim-aera]

I no longer wish to be good

I think I'm tired of being good.

no, not that way, morality is a distant, dizzy thing laced tight with both bias and betterment, no, what I mean to say is I'm tired of trying to be something, anything, that isn't myself.

I lose myself, a race I've always fled into, bleeding into a blur, into cracks, into concrete, until I feel my knees shake and shatter, creaking and crunching beneath my skin like orange peels holding cracking walnut shells.

I've always been this way, well, most of my life. I've gotten good at shaking off my skins to slip all the ugly, bitter, screaming, sobbing little parts of me away between book pages, among lyrics, along clothes wires, and silk seams, and makeup too dark like muddy earth, with shimmering facets along a dirty canvas, scarred, and scheming, brittle and bony, too soft, too old, too young. never, never enough.

I'm so good at running from myself. call me Atalanta, for not even a golden fruit dripping in nectar and ambrosia can stop this madness, this terror, this cowardice.

I try to stare into the mirror without wanting to curl into my ribcage and never come back out. I'm all sharp teeth and shining jewels wrapped tight around my throat like a noose until it bruises, I'm always losing, but at this point I'm not even sure what game it is were playing. I've never know. hopscotch or old maid? I've always been good at checkers I wanted to learn chess but the movements and the pieces slipped out through the cracks in my mind and I'm left holding a pawn and looking down at it in pity.

I will never become a queen.

the cold piece of plastic looks back up at me too, and murmurs softly in the quiet echo of my insanity,

"no, you wont.-

-but would you even want to be?"

I've tried lacing myself into other roles scenarios, acts.

frivolent and follied, soft, sensitive, brash and choking back laughs that if you listen close enough to you'll realize they are sobs. I'm selfish, gods in selfish, I don't want to be.

I'd slip out my spine if someone asked me nice enough but it isnt kindness, is it? How I truly, desperately want to be kind but it's a sordid self destruction.

I want to run, I've always been the victim because I refuse to be whats worse, so if I go quietly a sacrifical lamb all soft and placid led by the collar I will be as far away from what those who made me like this are.

I want to feel again, gods I'm so empty, and aching.

when I was little before I was fractured into a million tiny fragments I was color, all bright hues saturated and shining, but then I grew muted placing aside and organizing every little shard like Kronos rebuilding himself from scratch.

I tried dying myself in turqoise, soaking myself in satin, anything, just to be interesting, not hollow, hollow, hollow.

I've never fallen in love, not truly. love hurts like an aching wound I'm so tired if trying to force myself to feel or feel less.

soft lips and tender caresses only dawn has pressed her lips to my forehead not even Night wants me anymore.

I miss my grandmother, I miss my cat, I miss myself.

I'm tired of running, goddamnit all.

I want to accept what I am, a broken poet, I want to read, let my hair be fine and frizzy, and the awful muddy hue it is, my skin pallid and poked with scars and pores, my dead eyes searching upwards how I've always dreamed of being lovely but I am perpetually hiding behind allegories, and coat sleeves never letting anyone close yet sobbing into myself when no one manages to ever truly see me.

I don't even know what I am, but I want to live, I've wasted too much time I live in the past by a lopsided hourglass how do I wake from this nightmare?

I dont have things terrible but I'm tired of waking and sleeping and falling and failing in this same redudant pattern.

I want to fall, and fail, and forget about whatever sorry means of perfection I could never reach.

I want to be unapologetic, and sensitive, sharp and soft, studious and unruly. I want to be, to be, to be.

I want moonlit drives and strawberry ice cream and dandelion crowns and stars mapling out like freckles on your cheeks I want soft hands and tender bruising kisses I want chapped lips and bloody knuckles, scraped knees and willow trees, acorn hats and tabby cats, saplings and sunshine, golden jewelery and golden hair, laughter and weeping, lying in a sun puddle on a carpeted floor, the scent of dust and freedom, trying, flying, searching but not fleeing gods I want to live.

I want to be.

whatever the hell I am.

I'm really tired of being good.

#bad poetry #poetry

[kart0]

Am I in love ???? Help

Ok so y'all already know I treat this blog like a journal. And on today's post I'm gonna talk a LOT. So get ready !!!! Also, DISCLAIMER: I'm hypomaniac rn, and my thoughts are zooming like crazy, so this will be one heck of a chaotic text

Remember my situationship, with my best friend, I had, a couple months ago ? So, after like two months of not speaking, he texted me. Casually. Trying to engage in conversation and all of that. And I kept my distance, because I didn't want to bother him with too many messages, I didn't want to idk make him hate me or something. I was scared. But he kept going, and it made me wonder huh, maybe we're ready to be best friends again. Maybe it doesn't hurt anymore.

It's hard, but I have to keep level headed and think logically, so I dont ruin what's left of our friendship, but my mind keeps straying away ( and I might blame this on my hypomania ) and I keep thinking about scenarios and stuff where we're together romantically and we're soulmates.

And I've always been a romantic, ever since I was a kid. It fascinates me. Having this kind of connection, seems so special and a wonderful experience. But turns out I am autistic, and I fall into the aroace spectrum. So I like romance but in an analytical way, I like to dissectic it and see all the layers and complexity. I don't know if I am capable of feeling romantic love.

But him... Oh man... We grew up together, literal babies. He knows me so well, and no one compares to him. As a kid I use to think, truly believe, we would get married once we grew older. And now there's still some spark of hope that maybe we'd get to date once in our lifetimes.

But I don't know what I want, what I truly want, because everything gets mixed up and it's like, foggy, in my brain and I get confused. Like, as an autistic person, I know I can get attached really hard onto someone, so it could be it. But maybe it's not, what if there's real feelings ? But again, I'm hypomaniac right now, what if I go back to normal I regret my choices ? I can't take this risk, I've already damaged our relationship too much. I can't take the risk of hurting him more. Because he like-liked me. And he treated me so well and was so kind and caring.

And now it comes: the self hatred.

I hate myself, and I know I have little to no self esteem. And I don't consider myself to be a good person, even though I'm always trying my best, and I'm not really pretty either... But I don't deserve love. I don't deserve his love, because I'm not sure I can give him back. I can't kiss him. I can't have sex with him. I can't give him a normal love life, a true relationship. He is neurotypical, and he wants and deserves something better than me.

I can't be what he needs. But god, I want him so bad. I wish I could be normal. I don't even know if he would see me as a man. He definitely liked my longer hair, and girly clothes. If we got together, would he regret me ? Would he be embarrassed of me ? Oh man, I haven't even talked about his parents. They used to love me. But now... After what I've done, how I broke his heart. They probably hate me.

He probably regrets me too.

My head is such a mess right now. Part of me wished he didn't message me. So I wouldn't remember how painful it is to year for something I can never have. I long for love but I don't know if I can feel it. But I'm so scared of being alone. And also, I'm such a jealous creature too. I'm terrified of him meeting a pretty girl, and getting his life together and we'd never talk anymore.

I wish I could be normal. I'm crying writing this, because it hurts so much. I know I feel something for him. But I can't tell what it is. I just wished we could go back in time, before things got messy.

I'm like a stupid teenager, I keep checking my phone every second to see if me replied.

Ugh.

That's all. Thanks for reading. Makes me feel less lonely.

#me #update #rant