#what. the. kriff.

[themistymountainscold]

this gif sends me every fucking time

#what the kriff you staring at me for #dad hunter moment #hunter #star wars #the bad batch

[nobody-expects-the-inquisitorius]

The children have scars too, Crosshair realises, and wishes he could un-realise it an instant later. Scars from rocks, and misjudged leaps, and deceptively sturdy-looking low branches. Accidents. The kind that they’d be disappointed to see fade. Their scars are a memento of adventure, a prop for storytelling. Like the one that Shaeeah has on her right knee from pitching headlong down a hillock in pursuit of a nuna, as she had told him in great detail no less than three times (once over breakfast, a second time after realising he hadn’t been listening to a word of it, and a third just for the sake of it). And Crosshair had tightened his jaw, and made a vague noise of acknowledgement, and triple-checked that his collar was pulled up high enough over his neck. 

She wouldn’t be smiling quite so bright if she could see just what he had to hide. And as much as it stings him to think of letting his secrets loose, a part of him wants her to see the horror, wants to wipe that stupid grin off her little face. CT-9904 had never been afforded the luxury to smile like that. 

It’s not their fault. 

That’s what the others would tell him. That’s what he’s sure Suu’s thinking, behind the unreadable glances that she casts him every time his nails bite into his palms as her daughter chatters. Not their fault. They don’t know of the labyrinth that lurks beneath carefully positioned fabric, the phantom craters of needles that he can still feel the sting of, latticed slashes of a surgeon’s blade branded onto a body that would never truly be his. 

It’s not my fucking fault either.

#🎶IIIIIIIIIII'M BACK ON MY BULLSHIT🎶 #not gonna publish the thing this is from for a while but anyways i love this passage #SEE #SEE HOW HE CALLS HIMSELF CT-9904 WHEN HE’S THINKING ABOUT HIS CHILDHOOD #BECAUSE ONE OF THE BIGGEST REASONS HE HATES HIS SCARS SO BADLY IS BECAUSE THEY’RE A SYMBOL OF KAMINOAN OWNERSHIP #this was so much fun to write i’m buzzing #i love making crosshair’s voice bleed into my writing style #free indirect discourse babyyyyyy #sorry gl i point blank refuse to use kriff for serious moments #best bit is where he just straight up goes hmmmm. i could traumatise this kid for life and show him exactly what the longnecks did to me bu #he’s not an angel and that’s why i love him #he’s VINDICTIVE #and everybody around him has to suffer for that because he can’t take it out on the kaminoans themselves #even the little kid who just wanted to show him a cool scar #(i did that to people all the time btw) #poor shaeeah has no idea shes dredging up crippling trauma #wip #tbb crosshair #the bad batch #tbb

[frostycatblr-fandom-files]

In honor of the very annoying spam/scam call I just got, here's a random thought I had as a result of being interrupted in the middle of running errands when it's 115°F outside.

Tech would be the best/worst person you could possibly call by accident or try to scam, respectively.

On the subject of wrong-number calls

Dependent on what he's in the middle of, I can see Tech stopping, kindly explaining they have the wrong comm frequency, and then doing one of the following:

Being helpful- "I'm afraid this is not the number for the parts store. But... Might I recommend their competitor? Oftentimes there are more selections in their capacitors than the store that shows up highest in results from the Holonet. ... Yes you are quite welcome."

Being very helpful- "... You're doing an academic project on Aiwhas? How much would you like to know? I have researched them quite extensively, I would be happy to assist!"

He's not gonna have the heart to tell someone he's not their grandson. He'll chat with them briefly before saying he has to go and then he'll promptly find a way to get in contact with who this "Ms. Helios on Tattooine" meant to call and let them know that their grandmother could use a visit.

Shut up, it was the polite thing to do.

On the subject of scam calls

Oh boy, this one he could have fun with. You're going to waste his valuable time? (And he's in a mood now that you've thrown off his groove? He was in the middle of a helmet repair and recalibration!)

He might hang up on them.

He might give it to Crosshair to deal with once he's sure he is not about to curse out some poor kid below legal galactic age.

Tech might call them out on their banthashit if he's in a Mood™. "I've been tracking your location as we speak. You are calling from the lower levels of Courasaunt, which is nowhere near Florrum. Nor am I anywhere near Florrum. In fact , I'm-"

Hunter's shouting from the front of the Maurader to just hang up and go back to sleep!

#frosts fandom freakouts #star wars #tbb headcanons #tbb tech #tech tbb #tech bad batch #Tech would do the Navy Seals copypasta and (mostly) mean it. He is in fact tracking you. #Crosshair can recite the Navy Seals copypasta by heart and does it to get under Hunter's skin. Oh you took the last caf-pod? #What did the kriff did you just kriffing say to me you little bitch? I'll have you know that I'm- #(Crosshair has to stop when Echo gives him the Mom Look though bc there's a time and a place) #tbb #the bad batch #here have a shitpost

[apocalyp-tech-a]

Clone Force 99 reacts to the D23 announcement of Season 2 of The Bad Batch coming out on January 4th 2023 after being announced to come out in Spring and then Fall 2022.  Like...seriously!?!?!  😭

#the bad batch #star wars #tech the bad batch #crosshair #wrecker #hunter #echo #d23 #disney+ #comeooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn #what the kriff #tech addiction #the bad batch reacts #tbb

[veny-many]

<Lesson about choosing your word wisely before you talk>

Shiny: Commander Bacara seems to be little off right now

Shiny: Well, what I heard about that...

*Yesterday, Mundi and Bacara casually arguing*

Mundi: Commander, you can't just transfer troopers when they couldn't get proper chances to improve themselves-

Bacara: This is Navy, we need to fight in every harassing environment with tight team work and skills to survive!

Bacara: Do you know about how it feels to lose your brother, Sir!? You won't because you Jedis have no families to lose!!

*back to Shinies*

Shiny: And then today Commander knew about Cerean massacre that's victims included the whole Mundi family.

Shiny: So that is why he is now burying himself to ration.

Mundi: Commander I know you talked like before due to your care about brother so don't drown yourself to that soup

#star wars #the clone wars #commander bacara #ki adi mundi #what have i done #this is my reaction when i learned about cerean massacre during the clone wars #bacara:kriff kriff kriff kriff kriff #my mind is diseased #honestly in my mind mundi is good people too #and bacara is secretly loves his brothers so much #bacara: you are traitor? MY BROTHERS DIED FOR YOU HOW COULD YOU DARE DIE YOU SCUM #mundi: ayo what!? #my whump #my crack

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

JUST FINISHED A GOOD BOOK

#MY HEART IS INJURED RIGHT NOW I THINK #IT LIKE- *GESTURES* #IT FELL APART SLOWLY AS THE BOOK WENT ON AND THEN IT EXPLODED #AND THEN IT WAS STITCHED BACK TOGETHER #OH MY FREAKING GOSH #KRIFF #AAAAAAAAAAH #GUYSSSSSS #THAT BOOK #OH. OH MY GOSH #I WAS TOTALLY EXPECTING *THAT* TO HAPPEN BUT WHEN IT DID HAPPEN I WAS SO OVERCOME WITH FEAR #I COULD BARELY FOCUS ON THE WORDS BECAUSE I WAS SO FILLED WITH FEAR #WILLLLLLLL #WILL YOU STUPID MAN I LOVE YOU #GET YOUR FREAKING GUITAR AND GO TO A BEACH OKAY #AND FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING GOOD IN THIS WORLD FREAKING *HUG YOUR BROTHER* #DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU FREAKING DID #YOUR BROTHER IS NOW FILLED WITH THE TRAUMA #OH MY GOSH #GUYS #OHHH MAN I WILL REBLOG LATER AND TALK MORE #FOR NOW I AM AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH #WILL YOU ARE SO FREAKING STUPID NOW GET BACK HERE SO I CAN GIVE YOU A HUG #TRACE BABY YOU’RE DOING AMAZING OKAY KEEP THAT UP #GOSH FREAKING *WHAT HAPPENS NEXT* #my post #Grace talks about things

[i-need-more-caf]

@a-soldier-named-thrasher

“ I can explain why I got a kid with me. Im her dad so uh congratulations you’re an uncle.”

*the cup in Fox's hand almost drops. Almost because nothing can make him drop caf.

Tiredly he opens his mouth just to close it again. He looks at the kid, immediately feeling bad for the ad. This is not a good time to be in this bloody, disgusting world*

Good job, Thrasher.

*he might be exhausted, but there is always room for a little bit of sarcasm. He sighs and looks back at the ad. The ghost of a smile lingering on his lips as he stretches his hand out to poke the ad in its cheeks. *

Su'cuy, ad'ika. Do you want some caf?

#what do you mean adiik aren’t allowed to deink caf? #brothers control yourself #use protection #save the galaxy #coruscant guards #caf #i am a ba'vodu now #… i am ba'vodu! #i only had this child for two seconds but if anyone even looks wrong at her #i will kriff them up #maybe not in front of her #we don’t need more traumatized children

[oceanera12]

I deadass had a dream last night that you showed up personally at my house to tell me there was a new chapter of Built Family, that’s how fixated I am on that fic send help—

*KICKS OPEN YOUR BEDROOM DOOR*

WAKE UP READERS, A NEW CHAPTER JUST DROPPED!

*chants ominously* Impulse, Impulse, Impulse, Impulse---

#built family #hermitcraft fanfic #anon ask #hermitcraft #impuslesv #skizzleman #tangotek #fanfic #fanfiction #hermitcraft fanfiction #guys #i got this ask today #and i had to do this #i was planning on updating today #this was PERFECT #best ask #right here #dear readers #one of you can see the future in your dreams #what the kriff #era talks #lol #i think i'm funny

[cidsuglyside]

Alright, which one of you BOZOS actually filmed everything and leaked it on the holonet? I'm looking at you, Goggles.

Fess up, boys, before you see my ugly side.

(I knew Tiny was the brains of this operation)

#what the kriff #not a clone clubhouse #this is why i cant have nice things #meme force 99

[singswan-springswan]

yeah interstellar did better in three hours what ahsoka couldn't do in six and a half no i'm not upset about it why would you think that

#another “star wars would be good if it was actually good” post #just watched interstellar for the first time #felt like a curious mix between space odyssey and a wrinkle in time with a bit of ahsoka subplot and somehow pulled all of it off #that was a beautiful film #holy kriff #it did the ahsoka parts better than ahsoka's entire show #look at what they took from us #behold and weep

[ragnarlothcat]

"Taking Care" for the wip title game pretty please 🥺

Hello friend, and thank you 🥰 I post the first chapter of that fic when I was sick so it's very funny to look back on and try to piece together where I was going from the very cryptic notes I left for myself. I think I'm figuring it out and I also think that I cut it at a weird point because chapter 2 is going to be way shorter. I used to insist on similar chapter lengths but I'm not going to draw out my smut to 9k words for the sake of symmetry.

Anyway here is the beginning of chapter 2! I might prioritize finishing this one actually because spending too long without completing a fic makes me anxious. I need the little green ao3 checkmark or else I might explode!

Chapter 2

The tension churns like a storm as the bouncer drags the offender away by the elbow. Obi-Wan’s heart is still hammering and his hands itch to go after them, to make that man regret striking Anakin, or regret ever having looked at him.

“Are you all right?” Obi-Wan asks, nudging Anakin with a tendril of concern.

He can’t see Anakin’s ass anymore, the slap on his cheek. Anakin’s had worse, of course, and in very recent memory. Obi-Wan still hears the sound of Dooku’s lightsaber and Anakin’s pained breathing when he closes his eyes, still wrestles with his own weakness and his failure to protect the boy.

This latest assault is obviously nothing compared to the loss of his arm but it seems more violating, somehow. Dooku is a traitor to the order, he recently captured Obi-Wan and Anakin both up in an arena and left them to be eaten alive.

But, Obi-Wan thinks, as his eyes catch on the strip of bare thigh above Anakin’s stockings, at least he let Anakin keep his clothes on.

“I’m sorry,” Obi-Wan says, and he isn’t sure if he’s apologizing for the ogling or for something else. “I should have stepped in sooner. You never should have been put in this position—"

Anakin takes a step closer and Obi-Wan’s words catch in his throat, strangled by the scent of Anakin’s bare skin.

“Not here,” Anakin says, his voice low and his jaw set. “Not in public.”

This is actually a good argument. If this horrible, seedy club is somehow tied up in whatever vague crimes the council deemed important enough to risk the life and safety and purity of Obi-Wan’s Padawan, they should not be discussing it in front of total strangers.

Total strangers who are still leaking their desire into the Force, still eyeing Anakin like he’s a cut of meat.

Obi-Wan opens his mouth to agree, to suggest that they should have this conversation in a speeder on its way back to the Temple more or less immediately, when Anakin’s flesh hand darts up to grab Obi-Wan by the back of his collar like he’s an unruly loth-kitten and tugs him forward.

The crowd must see something in Anakin’s expression that Obi-Wan can’t, scruffed and restrained as he is. He thinks he should twist free, should scold his Padawan for whatever it is he thinks he’s doing and wherever he thinks he’s leading them.

But then the pulse of the music fades and Anakin jerks Obi-Wan’s tunic hard enough to cut into his collarbone and manhandles him down a dimly lit corridor. Now Obi-Wan can hear the thump of Anakin’s boots on the tiles and the thundering of his heart as Anakin leads him somehow deeper into the grimy depths of the club.

They turn a corner and Obi-Wan gets an impression of identical doors and cheap wallpaper before Anakin’s fingers tap out a code on a worn panel and he unceremoniously shoves Obi-Wan through the nearest door which clicks shut behind them with a click.

For a moment all Obi-Wan knows is the darkness of wherever they are (a closet? It feels bigger than that in the Force, his senses reaching out and tasting a lingering feeling, nearly overwhelmed by Anakin’s supernova of a presence—) but then the lights flicker on and Obi-Wan’s eyes adjust to the muted pinkish tones and pick out the shape of a fairly ordinary little room that smells like perfume and alcohol and dust.

And looks very much like a—

“What the fuck was that?”

Obi-Wan snaps his attention back to Anakin's face, which is worryingly close and unfairly pretty even when livid. And his boy is angry, that much is clear. It’s apparent in the tension of his long, collared throat, the twitch in his strong jaw and the crudeness of his word choice even by Anakin’s somewhat lax standards.

“Language,” Obi-Wan admonishes, and Anakin rolls his eyes. “Anakin, where are we? Why aren’t we leaving?”

“Leaving? Leaving? Why would we leave?” Anakin scoffs and jabs Obi-Wan in the chest with a gloved finger. “You, maybe.”

Yes, Obi-Wan does want to leave. He wants to leave this horrible club and this stuffy little room and wrap Anakin in as many blankets as he can find and cart him home to where he’s safe and Obi-Wan can keep him that way, far from the reach of handsy, violent drunks who want nothing more than to ruin Anakin and keep him for themselves. The council clearly lost their collective minds when they conceived of this plan, when decided to abandon Obi-Wan’s Padawan, his Padawan to the baser desires of the Coruscant underworld.

“Why would I leave without you? Surely you can see that this mission is ridiculous, that the council never should—” Obi-Wan pauses, and he cranes his head around Anakin’s shoulder. “Why does this room have a bed in it?”

#ask game #lilredghost #obikin #do people say fuck in star wars? #something is lost in kriff and kark i think #for how angry anakin is in this scene at least #anyway i'd ask what people want me to work on #but i follow the whims of some ghost that lives in my brain

[delta-the-mando]

I literally looked at a picture of a fictional character and 100% casually called him a sweet cheese pierogi (/aff) without thinking and it took me like 5 solid seconds to realize what I had said

What the heck is wrong with me

#what the kriff do I tag this as #???

[kalevalakryze]

Pack Me Up And Send Me Marching?

Pairing: Sabine Wren & Ahsoka Tano, Budding/'One Sided" Sabine Wren/Shin Hati Characters: Sabine Wren, Ahsoka Tano, Shin Hati (Mentioned), Huyang (Mentioned) Warnings: SPOILERS, Graphic Injury Description, Stab Stab Fall In Love Notes: Born from the prompt “Am I dead? Are you an angel? Is that my blood on your shirt?” Word Count: 651 (i am so sorry) Summary: “Am I dead?” She croaked, half aware that she was settled awkwardly in someone’s lap, cheek pressed against something soft and leathery. Her eyes blinked open, though there was too much pain to decipher the whites, blues, and oranges that filled her vision. The body under hers heaved with a deep breath, though Sabine couldn’t tell if it was out of relief or exertion. “No, not dead,” Sabine’s forehead dipped closer to the strong shoulder keeping her head up. “Far from it,” They promised, their body shifting back, arm moving to keep Sabine supported while they studied her face. AO3 Link: Here!

A slow breath, a pulsing pain in her chest, sweat forming on her brow as she stared at a blurring hand around the saber hilt close to her stomach. The orange was really pretty, or was it the person wielding it? She couldn’t tell. The blade pulled from her chest, giving her just enough time to raise struggling arms enough to deflect the swing towards her head. Her opponent backed up as a bright light filled her vision, combatting the quickly approaching tingling numbness and dark void of unconsciousness ebbing away her energy.

She dropped to the ground, eyelids heavy as her attacker ran, and another set of running footsteps came towards her. “ ‘bine! Sabine!” They sounded far away, and the fingers touching her cheek and the side of her neck felt more like a distant memory.

She woke up once, briefly, trapped in strong arms with the metallic feeling of vambraces pressing against her back and hands gingerly peeling the material of her shirt away from the warm center of pain in her chest.

“Am I dead?” She croaked, half aware that she was settled awkwardly in someone’s lap, cheek pressed against something soft and leathery. Her eyes blinked open, though there was too much pain to decipher the whites, blues, and oranges that filled her vision.

The body under hers heaved with a deep breath, though Sabine couldn’t tell if it was out of relief or exertion. “No, not dead,” Sabine’s forehead dipped closer to the strong shoulder keeping her head up. “Far from it,” They promised, their body shifting back, arm moving to keep Sabine supported while they studied her face.

A gentle thumb moved to wipe a trickle of blood away from her lips. “Are you some type of angel?” She slurred as she took in the vibrant blue of their eyes and the pretty white lines on their face. “Force osik, probably,” The Mandalorian continued, allowing the back of a cool hand to press against her forehead, leaning herself into it and offering what counted as a smile with blood-stained lips.

“Is that… my blood, on your shirt?” The Mandalorian managed after their eyes started to focus enough to catch the droplets. “thought,” A cough wracked her body, stopping her midsentence as a wheeze filled her lungs and the tangy metallic taste of blood filled her mouth, dribbling past loose lips. “I thought they burned, not bled,” Her eyes squeezed shut against the onslaught of pain.

“You’ll be alright, Sabine,” They promised without any explanation. Man, if this was the angel gotal’ad or the Jetti’s force osik sent get her marching on, they really were frustrating, and really, really warm. Vibrant blue eyes darted to something behind her as she sunk back into the embrace, focusing on the warmth of the body below her and the tingling in her fingertips as her hand wrapped around a dangling lekku, soothing herself with the texture of leathery skin under her fingers. Didn’t she know someone with lekku? Hera? No, Hera was green! …Maybe…

“Master?” That’s who they were! Though ‘Master” felt foreign on her tongue, it eased the confused haze in her brain.

“Yes, Sabine?” A tightness to her Master’s voice that she could not place the feelings behind. She felt like a kid, curled up in their lap like this, head tucked under their chin as her tongue grew heavy. Something pricked at the side of her neck, though it didn’t hurt much in comparison to her chest.

“Tell the pretty blonde that they can come to my funeral?” The hypospray ejected enough sedative to block the worst of the pain, though it caused her eyelids to grow even heavier. She was asleep before she could hear Ahsoka’s soft laugh, or the promise that when she died, she would tell the Mercenary to show her face, though her Master had promised that she would not die today.

#spoilers #ahsoka spoilers #sabine wren #ahsoka tano #shin hati #injury #major character injury #the homoerotic tension of a lightsaber fight #Sabine's Delirious #“What the kriff is an ahsoka?” #wolfwren #wrenwolf #star wars #I'm so sorry this is so short #you have no idea #there is so much disappointment #for myself

[mayhaps-a-blog]

As much as I’m enjoying Andor so far, and as much as I love Mon Mothma, and as much as I’m enjoying Mon Mothma’s story so far...

I admit I’m a little disappointed.

I feel like, with her husband and daughter now involved, they’re headed towards a story where something goes wrong (of course), and Mon realizes that all along she should have been paying more attention to her family, and this becomes some big regret of her life.

And that’s...

It’s okay, I guess.

But what I really wanted to see, what I liked about the Mon Mothma that existed in my head, is a woman who chose to dedicate her life to her career, and more than that, to the galaxy, whole-heartedly and knowing that she wouldn’t have a family. I want to see a woman who not only chooses work over family, but is happy with that decision. No regrets, full steam ahead.

I’m not sure I’ve ever seen that on screen.

And I’m disappointed I won’t see it now. 

Oh well, that’s what fanfiction’s for. Might just have to write it myself!

#i do love mon #and i'm interested where it's going #i'm just tired of 'woman must choose between work and family' #and this is somehow a terrible tragedy #instead of just... a perfectly fulfilling life? #you know what would be cool? #seeing more of what's going on in the senate #mon mothma trying to navigate the heart of the empire #enemies all around #bit of political thriller in there #throw in bel iblis just for fun #kriff it i'm going to write this aren't i #anyway #just some thoughts #analysis #andor #mon mothma #senator mon mothma #andor spoilers #perrin fertha #career woman #star wars #star wars: andor

[bugbugboy]

Okay now wait a kriffing minute

ʷʰᵃᵗ

#someone call Mark Hamill #what the kriff #so just like #nothing else ever happens #plot twist its all baby Lukes dream before he dies 😭 #??? #who wrote this #star wars #twitter shit #crying #luke skywalker #obi wan show #obi wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #skywalker saga #star wars shitpost #leia organa #leia skywalker #padme amidala #what is with twitter #good lord

[i-will-always-love-the-jedi]

The threefirebrands (and guests) - Incorrect Quotes, Part 1

Stellan: I have an amazing memory! Name one time I forgot something.

Avar: You left me and Elzar in the parking lot of a supermarket like, three weeks ago

Stellan: I did that on purpose, try again

Elzar: Do you think I could fit 15 Marshmallows in my mouth

Stellan: You're a hazard to society

Avar: And a coward. Do 20.

Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for being two people on a speeder made for one

Stellan: shit

Avar: wait, two

Cop: yes?

Avar: OH MY GOD STELLAN ELZAR FELL OFF

Vernestra: What do you think will Avar and Elzar do for the distraction

Stellan: Idk, they’ll probably do something small, like throw a rock. That’s what I would do.

[Building explodes and several alarms go off]

Stellan: Or they could do that, I should have known better

Avar: If I run and jump at Stellan, he will most certainly catch me

Avar, Running towards Stellan: INCOMING

Stellan: NO I‘M HOLDING TEA-

Stellan: *drops tea to catch Avar* why

#the high republic #star wars the high republic #avar kriss #elzar mann #stellan gios #vernestra rwoh #incorrect quotes #kriff I’ve been waiting to do this #all of them are accurate you can’t change my mind #pro jedi #jedi love #cuz that’s what we do