#which is basically what i was doing

[fujobritta]

weird storytime and an abed analysis (abednalysis ?)

in s1e17, physical education, abed says that he didnt mind changing for other people because hes comfortable with who he is . a season later, in s2e19, critical film studies, he says instead that he doesnt like change . and now i realize what he really meant when he said that he didnt mind changing .

when i was younger, around 11-12, i would pretend to be other people online . more than five different separate identities in one discord server . because i wanted people to like me more . i made these alt accounts and assigned each one a personality, a different typing style, a reason for joining, a region, and a timezone . and for the most part, they were people who were nicer and just generally likeable . because im not someone who is any of those things . i am not a nice person . i dont even think im a good person . and god i am not likeable . at all .

so i played these characters . most of them only being active for short periods . i would have full back and forth conversations with these alt accounts to sell it . i had these weird insane elaborate plans . a 16 year old former drug user, lives in manitoba, somewhat parental . 13, california, liked minecraft and drawing -- completely different artstyle (and different software) too . etc .

i would let these accounts bake (make them and then not use them) so that it didnt seem suspicious with a brand new account joining the server . then i would spend a week making the account and forming a character to go with it, sometimes asking people to help me out . it was so fucking crazy . i was insane . might still be .

…yeah i probably still am .

i was such a better person on those different accounts . because i didnt know how to change on the inside, i just started over and over again . different account, new me . like i was experimenting with who i really wanted to be like . formulating the perfect person to act like when i finally decided that i wanted to become a better person .

i gave up eventually obviously . im not a tween anymore . i was a really weird tween . obviously . but i think about it a lot .

honestly i only went back to being myself because it was comfortable . i felt better being a fucking douche . and i still am a douche . im not a good person . i dont think ill ever be a "good person" . what the hell is a good person, anyways . all i know is that im fine with myself like this . even as much as i not-so-secretly hate myself, and deny it out of fear of seeming like an "edgy attention seeking loser" .

its not that abed doesnt mind change, he just doesnt mind changing the persona . he doesnt mind changing the person showing on the outside . a separate identity . but ultimately, he wouldnt ever fundamentally change as a person . because hes fine with who he is, even if other people might not like him for that . and i want to be like him . i want to be someone who is fine with who they are, even if that someone is a socially inept ass who learned tenth grade math at age ten but cant figure out when their own face is making a smile or not .

#shui talks #nbc community #community nbc #community tv #abed nadir #jeff winger #this is such a jeff post dude . #this is like #shui posts that are basically just shit jeff would probably say and do . part idk how many but probably a lot . #theres that thing jeff said #about slater and britta #how slater makes him feel like how he feels when he writes his new years resolutions; the guy he wants to be #and britta makes him feel like the guy weeks after that; the guy he really is #abed is my slater #and jeff is my britta #ultimately . im just jeff #hes my community parallel #but i guess because of this i kin abed #abed is god . truly #sorry i dont know what my point really was with this post ??? i just wanted to share this weird life experience #and also because ive been rewatching community and this episode really just struck a chord . in a good way ? i think ? #gave me a moment to think #i kind of pass over with how annie was in mixology certification except annie only did the fake identity thing once #and according to troy abed does that like every week #which is basically what i was doing #man i was really fucking weird . what the hell #i got bullied in school if you couldnt tell

[caruliaa]

staff still hasn't given me polls, what should i do?

🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their moms 69%

🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their dads 31%

grace image os i get to look at her

#edit: edited the og post to what i want but to set the record straight i edited to the post to be mathematically correct right after the #first person pointed it out which was like ten mins after i posted the og post. now fuck offf !!!!! the rest of the tags r from the og post #for some reason i feel very immature making your mom jokes about tumblr staff. which i shldnt !! #bc they suck nd they still havent given me polls. but i ig i feel imature bc it a your mom joke 😭 but still i tihnk its kinda funny #EDIT: edited the post to what i want bc yall were getting annoying . but to set the record straight i edited to post to be mathematically #also its *mum* not mom okay i am NOT !! an american . but if i say mum everyone will j be like 'omg british' like i dont know i am #anyway. i want polls please. give me the rigght to force my mutuals chose between the most inane things #also i tihnk it wld b cool for the cs weekly blog. like w each episode #i cld do a poll of like. out of five stars what do u think of this ep #and it wld b a cool thing of which eps r ppls faves #also i cld have like. whose ur fave in team red whos ur fave in acme etc #id prob just have to go with vile faculty bc theres more than 10 ppl in vile. and ppl wld kill me if i didnt include nel the ell or whoever #it wld b fun !!! #oh btw csweekly thats i thing i want to start. prob on uhhh the 11th of feb ill post abt it more but its basically #a tag/blog for watching cs one ep a time watching one ep every saturday #ya !! :3 #flappy rambles #inaccessible #ask to tag #(<- idk. just in case)

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

i call this one "queer silence" or perhaps "slightly judgemental stare"

#trying out different shading stuff ON MY FAVORITE SQUEAKY TOY!!!! #SQUEAK SQUEAK I AM SQUEEZING THE STUFFING OUT OF HIM!! #lovingly. affectionately. #unless he isnt filled with stuffing. in which case. hm. concerning crunchies are occurring #BUT I KEEP SQUEEZING- #scribble garnish #welcome home #welcome home puppet show #welcome home fanart #welcome home wally #wally darling #i want him to be happy and kind but i also want him to be unhinged and violent but also- #basically whatever turns his character takes i am Here For It #no matter what. he could do anything im still on his side #im a supporter of wallys rights And wrongs and Everythings

[deaddee-anime-brownfanlady]

#political #Israel #palestine #for real though #israel palestine conflict #gaza #Hamas #I swear seeing some people on this site being equally antisemitic and Islamophobic in regards to this awful conflict is headache inducing #Like I can't FUCKING believing that you have those that are celebrating the deaths of innocent regular civilian's and kids is Fucked up!? #And then you have those supporting what Hamas is doing and thinks that's its for the “Good” of the Palestinian people..... #It's basically like saying the Taliban knows what's “good” for all Muslim people which you should know is untrue and total BS #I swear some people -_-

[clarkgriffon]

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER + Episode Titles in Dialogue

#btvs #btvsedit #buffythevampireslayeredit #buffy the vampire slayer #buffy summers #willow rosenberg #xander harris #faith lehane #dawn summers #anya jenkins #angel #spike #rupert giles #cordelia chase #so im not going to say i bit off more than i could chew with this one. #but i will say i bit off more than i realized slkgfdkfld #basically someone reblogged my version of this from the 100 which i made years ago #and i was like 'oh what a cute idea! i should do it for buffy!' #but i did not consider that when i made that gifset for t100 #there were about ~80 episodes resulting in 32 episode titles. #but buffy has 144 episodes #so that's a lot more actually

[chalkrub]

mockley time it's mockley time will you have some mockleys of mine

#my art #oc #mockley #anthro #furry #dinosaur #i think i like this mockley i think i'm guiding her to where she needs to be design-wise to fit in with her human cohorts #and the lines were fun as hell to render. mockley has so many textures #been in an art rut recently. feel like i'm guiding my art where i don't want it to go. and also feel limited in what i can do #big pity party basically lol but it's good to recognise that and be like well whatever. just do some studies and get back on track #less throwing myself against the same wall and more finding a ladder to get over it. which will involve more studies and less oc drawings #and also less comparing myself to other people and especially people younger than me who have amazing art it's BAD for you #compete with YOURSELF and you can neverrr lose. you can never lose if you have fun LOSING #learn to LOVE losing #my favourite vinny vinesauce quote and one of my favourite motivational quotes ever. he said it as a joke while salty at mario kart #but it's resonated positively in my life ever since hearing it #fall in love with failing.....learn to love losing....(said to myself)

[sincerely-sofie]

Alright. Going to play more Slay the Princess now. Y’all’s reactions to my worst theory yet scare me. Have some fanart to enjoy while I dive back into the insanity.

#the way I play the PC is characterized by never understanding anything ever #and shouting IT’S THE WIFEY!!! whenever the Princess appears in a new terrifying form #the way I pilot this guy is basically the embodiment of the ‘I support women’s rights. and also women’s wrongs’ meme #but I occasionally select options out of curiosity that indicate he is very very bitter and angry and hates the Princess deep down #which is a very neat characterization I’m accidentally creating! #can’t wait to solidify my interpretation of his personality #stuff by sofie #stp #stp meme #stp fanart #stp princess #stp smitten #(kinda. he’s there. it’s implied.) #slay the princess #slay the princess meme #slay the princess fanart #THE FURY I FEEL THAT I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE PLAYER CHARACTER’S NAME IS AND CAN’T TAG HIM #stp player #THERE. THIS WILL HAVE TO DO. GRRR.

[hysteriafossil]

hiiiiii sanders sides fandom. is this anything original by @punkitt-is-here !!

#do NOT like my patton design one bit i have never been able to pin down what i want him to look like #i dont WANT to give him a mullet bc i give like everyone a mullet but idk it never looks right without the extra hair #recently ive been looking at jane crocker homestuck whenever i draw his hair idk if you can tell #i ALSO cant tell what hair COLOR i wanna give him #and i also cant ever figure out outfits for him. like hes the only one i really consistently draw in his canon outfit #bc i just never know what else to put him in #i feel like the way i drew him here looks a lil like brett hand. which i think is VERY funny. same guy basically #forever weed brownie #sanders sides #remus sanders #patton sanders #sasi #thomas sanders #ts sanders sides #art #my art #fanart #intruality #not explicitly. but in my heart

[spielzeugkaiser]

I love your art soooo much-it gives me life!! 🥰🥰🥰

I have a question about Milek and Jaskier! Milek says they fought before Jask went missing-what did they fight about? Did Milek say something he shouldn’t have? 👀😢 is there ANGST?

Also does Geralt know Mileks plush friend is called Roach? Because surely that’s a clue that Milek is his…(I love this universe so much)!!🥹❤️❤️❤️

[MASTERPOST] That was the last conversation they had before Milek stormed out - and when he came back, Jaskier was. gone. The thing is, Jaskier knows what Milek is interested in (and he is not even wrong about that, Milek has an interest in medicine, and helping people, and I think when they met he was Shanis biggest fan) and I think Jaskier is aware that some of the conflict does have its roots in Milek not wanting to leave him, even if they get really heated and ugly in their arguments. Milek shouldn't feel like he has to care for him, or have to protect him and at times I think Jaskier feels quite ashamed, which leads him to being way too unrelenting at times - especially if he thinks he's doing something to protect Milek.

#jaskier #the witcher #geraskier lovechild #artists on tumblr #omegaverse #I think if they argue Milek is saying stuff he shouldn't all the time #I think for Milek the part that makes him feel really bad is that he KNOWS that Jaskier would always choose having him again and again #because he KNOWS that he loves him more than anything else #but he still implied that he doesn't know - and he knows what he said was cruel #but he also !! is so angry #because Jaskier always treats him like he knows what's best for him and. let it be true - it still makes him FURIOUS #he isn't a little kid anymore #and he wants to HELP he loves his father and he knows that Jaskier gives and gives and gives especially when it comes to him #he doesn't need a fancy education in an academy where he'll be just the bastard kid again #he just needs a Pa who doesn't absolutely run himself to the ground #and I think he finally wants to meet Geralt too #also I'm trying to do a thing here which I think shows how secure their relationship truly is #because Geralt sees Milek as a quite sensible (if sometimes a bit hotheaded) young man - who is quite mature for his age #which he CAN be #but Geralt is also basically a stranger even if Milek knows he's his dad - and he tries to impress him naturally - ofc he wants to be liked #with Jaskier? who has his one true emotionally secure relationship with? #moody teenanger - but also allowing himself to be childish at times - crying shouting teasing - exploding sometimes #because he never ever had to question their relationship once #he can just let loose

[robinmage]

one thing i really appreciate about jinshi's character is how he has NEVER once actually had any intention of succeeding the throne. every time the idea is brought up he immediately detests it. so hes giving maomao as much as he possibly can, even though maomao has many qualms about it due to their difference in social status, but jinshi DOESNT CARE because hes NEVER cared about or wanted the status of crown prince! its been nothing but a burden to him! from his perspective the ONLY thing keeping the two of them apart are outside influences. he has no doubt within himself-- hes horribly down bad, in fact. but unfortunately his stupid JOB is getting in the way of him skipping off into the sunset with his favourite little cat

#jinshi literally maiming himself infront of the emperor and empress: “can you please fire me so i can marry the girl of my dreams” #emperor: “no. now go to the west capital relatively unsupervised with the girl of your dreams andpromise REAL HARD u wont something stupid” #also not to mention i think maomaos problem isnt that she doesnt want to marry jinshi bc she doesnt care about him-- she cares abt him A LO #which is precisely why shes convinced herself she cant marry him. she wants whats best for him and #she wholeheartedly believes that marrying her is the EXACT OPPOSITE of whats best for him. #like she has. yknow. not the prettiest of backgrounds. growing up in a brothel might do that to you #shes mentioned before- shes basically a commoner. she has her biologicaldad but hes more of a wildcard selfmade man with no real connection #and she doesnt even like him. #but she just CANNOT comprehend that someone would sacrifice so much for her and ask for nothing in return but her company #i just love them a lot your honour. #the apothecary diaries #the apothecary diaries spoilers #for the anime/manga onlies #READ THE LIGHT NOVEL #kusuriya no hitorigoto #kusuriya no hitorigoto spoilers

[bitchthefuck1]

Tom's line about Shiv being selfish and "find[ing] it very hard to think about me" is actually so telling because while it's absolutely true that she rarely takes his position into consideration, Tom never once thinks about what he can do to help Shiv unless it also benefits him.

Every single time he makes a move or sacrifice that might help her, it's always something that he thinks will give him a leg up. He volunteers to take the fall for cruises, not for Shiv, who is in no way implicated, or even for Waystar, but because he thinks it'll ingratiate him to Logan, and the second it seems like he might have to actually follow through on that, he immediately tries to get out of it and even throws Shiv under the bus. Meanwhile, for all that Shiv disregards his interests, there are a number of things she does that only help him, and she's the one who actually sacrifices something and undermines her position with Logan to beg him not to let Tom go to jail.

It just makes it so clear that no matter how much he might love her (and I think he does, in his own compromised way), for him their relationship was always built on the underlying assumption that it's her job to prop him up, but it's not his job to help her.

#i rewatched that ep a few days ago and this was just cooking in my brain for a bit #their relationship is so messy and interesting i want to watch them get a divorce on a loop forever #and like. the wildest thing is that Tom does occasionally do things that don't serve him to help someone else. but its always greg #which you might say is ultimately down to the power dynamics (shiv can do more for tom than he can for her and tom can do more for greg) #but there are still plenty of points where tom actually does have the power to help shiv and chooses not to #and I love how succession never really has a clear 'what this character is telling you is 100% the truth of the story' moments #anytime a character is making a statement like 'this is who you are/who i am' or 'this is what i really want/what you really want' there's #always some kernel of truth to it but the narrative they're spinning is almost never fully honest #you can't take any of it at face value and it's such a good way of showing how they're always on some level 'playing the game' #and like. at a time when so many stories are basically spoon-feeding their audiences it's so nice to have a story that trusts you to #sort through it all and see what's real and what's not and rewards you for putting that work in #succession #4x07 tailgate #succession season 4 #failmarriage #shiv roy #tomshiv #tom wambsgans #siobhan roy

[brawlmetaknight]

translated a new chapter of dedede de pupupu na monogatari (also known as kirby manga mania) by hirokazu hikawa! meta knight appearances are a rare treat in this manga, but i always absolutely love hikawa's take on him. a cool, popular DORK.

#text #meta knight #disclaimer: i am no professional at this i just do it for fun and knowledge. the power of neurodiversity compels me #i will say i don't really understand the variety show joke #i know バラエティ is/are basically japanese game shows but i don't know what balloons particularly have to do with it lol #also when mk says kirby's ghost trick scared him the most - he used the word 'obake' which is like a shapeshifting yokai (ghost/demon/etc) #which makes this the second time mk has expressed fear of ghosts in a kirby gag manga

[penofwildfire]

When did we make Zane a tech guy. Seriously. When did we decide Zane in particular would be good at tech. That's so stupid. We've got too many goddamn tech people in this show. Obviously everyone on the team has some degree of tech knowledge considering how often they might have to repair something in their line of work, but labeling Zane as one of "the tech guys" has never sat right with me. Let Jay, Nya and Pixal do their thing. And Sora.

#Zane should be almost useless when it comes to tech other than his own brain #and even then he couldn't do repairs on himself #he can just do things like download data and fuck with his voice and repress his memories #which is like. basic computer knowledge anyone could have. #in a sense. you get what I mean. #it makes complete sense for him to lose that one challenge in the Zane-a-like competition #ninjago #dragons rising #zane #zane julien

[babypanther95]

One of my first experiences, upon no longer being in Israel and returning to my regular job as a teacher, is a student leaving a note in my classroom that says "Ms. --- is a Jew. No Jews. Hitler to come back." So you know. Really wish I was still in Israel or at least wasn't the only Jewish person at the school (teacher or student). By the way, I teach 6th grade...

#jumblr #jewish #israel #antisemitism #am yisrael chai #i told the vp #and she was like what would you like us to do #and im like i dont even know #also the kid didnt leave their name #and apparently im supposed to do the handwriting investigation to try to figure out which of 100 sixth graders it could be #this is not the first time a student has done something or said something antisemitic #its literally not even the worst thing a student has done thats antisemitic #maybe more of you should know this happens #all the time #any basically nothing happens as a result except that people like me just have to deal with it

[moeblob]

Sorry I forgot Hanneman suggested Byleth undress after they show up with a different hair color. And I miss Hanneman. And also while swapping between Houses and Hopes and seeing Hanneman pop up to help in a Hopes paralogue is just devastating since he doesn't ever actually join you at all and I am denied my old man rights.

So I had to draw this. Thank you for understanding.

#fe three houses #byleth #hanneman von essar #i like that Byleth just kinda stares at him and he realizes WHAT HE SAID and the implications and is like #step back uh forget that I said that #like man so zoned in on research he blurts that out and has to backtrack mentally to AH socially bad to say that my bad #if i need to tag this as anything lemme know even though it is a conversation in game basically (minus the marriage) #also if you have never married hanneman i genuinely enjoyed his s support and was VERY surprised and hes just #honestly one of my favorites overall in 3h ?? and im still bummed i cant play as him in thropes like thats just mean #also i think if byleth was like oh well if its awkward to see someone undress randomly #then marriage would solve the awkwardness this is truly the best deduction #which is really funny that i can see it happening with both leths despite my hc of them #with fyleth as bi and myleth as ace i think both would just be like AH cool we can avoid awkwardness by marriage #and hanneman just wants to go lie down in a ditch because he said something like that #and and byleth doesnt even know about religion while working at church school they dont know about school regulations #that wasnt really on their mind to check ok just saying you could tell byleth no to something #and then they just go oh school policies i understand unfortunately #and the person is like no we just meant its frowned upon to do archery practice in the tea garden its not technically illegal just dont??

[stuckinapril]

the neurologist i shadow is so funny bc she has a valley girl accent and yet she's the smartest person in the room. this woman was casually doing case consenus ab a man w frontotemporal dementia in the highest girliest voice imaginable. i want to be her i think

#case consensus is basically where several neurologists/doctors meet to decide what the patient's case actually is #im genuinely not sure why this medical center does it this way but they write down data on paper THEN input it into the digital system #which i have qualms w bc i feel like it wastes so much time #but literally my whole role at this internship is inputting this data into the system so i should probably be grateful they do it this way #but in that one meeting everyone was all over the place so this at the ending of the meeting this woman goes #“that... was frantic.” #in the most valley girl accent known to man #and ever since ive integrated this as my response to everything #youre right. that WAS frantic #she also was like “sorry im unfocused. need lunch rly bad” at one point during the meeting #this neurologist is just like the rest of us fr