#which makes what he has to say even more insightful somehow because it just stops you in your tracks like everything else about him

[mobius-m-mobius]

#there are two types of actors 😂💖

#and both are wonderfully right btw 🥰 #owen wilson #tom hiddleston #lokiedit #marveledit #mcuedit #impossible to resist giffing one of the best things to come from the loki series yet 😂😂 #their friendship and dynamic is just. the MOST delightful thing in the world it never stops amazing me how well they click #and how tom will go on the most beautifully elegant reflection of all things loki while owen's view is so grounded in the everyday #which makes what he has to say even more insightful somehow because it just stops you in your tracks like everything else about him #how lucky are we to have gotten stories told by such a compliment of talent! #owenwilsonedit #dianagifs

[milksteaki]

Your HC on Brick and Bubbles? <3 what is their relationship like? And most especially why do you ship them ?

RAAAAAAAAH!!!! omg, I've been waiting for an ask like a lil puppy!!!! OMG I LOVE THIS QUESTIONNNNNNN! Okay, headcanons on the Puppy Love ship, let's go!!!

this one's a long one

So first, a rundown on my headcanons for Brick and Bubbles:

Bubbles first. I think Bubbles has a much more mature outlook on good and bad than her sisters do. Don't let her ditzy attitude fool you. Bubbles sometimes she is less smart than she actually is just for jokes. "Okay, but why did I think that bush was actually the Professor but in drag". But really, she understands the moral grey that the world actually is. Life isn't just Good vs. Bad, and Bubbles knows that and lets that insight inform all of her superhero fights.

She never stops being sensitive, and instead of going with the "this hardens her later in life route", I went with the "she is actually more frustrated with her inability to harden" route. She wants to be tough and unfeeling often, especially because the emotions she feels continue to be strong and intense and absolutely devastating. Unfortunately, she just can't stop the intensity. Maybe it's because when she feels happy, she feels that joy so intensely, that it's like, why would she want to harden? Like such intense happiness that she looks back at the sadness cringing. As if she can't imagine being that sad. But of course, the sadness always comes back. I never really liked it when people took away her joy as she got older and acted like that was just a normal part of life. Like as an adult myself, sure I'm not as carefree and as hyper as I was when I was a kid, but I would still be considered a bubbly person now even though my life isn't that great. And don't think shitty things just never happened to me either.

Brick, on the other hand, is a hard cynic who hates everything except maybe himself. He is mostly stupid, but he thinks he's the smartest guy in the room. And he hates when people point out when he's wrong (which is why he hates most people, except for his yes-man Butch). I say mostly because the bitch can't spell and he just be spewing bullshit sometimes. But smart in other ways; he is resourceful, keeps up with the news, is somehow in the know for a lot of things, is quick-witted, and is great at improvising whether it's with fighting or in day-to-day life. These skills often save him from ever going to jail.

Also, I HC that Brick essentially emancipates himself AND his brothers from their dads without really asking his bros. His thought was that his dads are just- way too much. And because of his personality, he just hates having to report to an authority above him, like get off my back old man! He essentially raises his brothers, including influencing their humor, music, and values. Part of his relationship with his brothers is an ego thing. He loves being the leader and using his brothers to make himself look better. But another part of it is that he genuinely loves his brothers. And he realizes this way too late (realized when his bros were moving on from needing him). And it fucks him up. And that pushes him to be a better person actually.

OK SO THE RELATIONSHIP:

I FUCKING LOVE THEIR ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP MAN. Like listen, as much as I love to shit on Brick, he is still a suave dude. Like the dude knows how to flirt and he's super quick with it, just great timing with shit. Sometimes it genuinely creates butterflies in Bubbles' stomach, other times she lets it completely go over her head. One, because it's funny, and two, because she kinda wants to be unassuming sometimes:

"So do you just jump around often, or are you just happy to see me"

"Oh I'm just giddy because Fruits Basket is FINALLY rebooting after like a million years, but it's nice seeing you to Brick :)."

"Oh... Fruits Basket."

Bubbles isn't a master of flirting, but people fall in love with her constantly. Like Bubbles so so SO effortlessly gets people to love her and she doesn't need to be perfect like Blossom or a badass like Buttercup. She is just so endearing and fun to be around that she attracts people with ease. Brick is just another guy who likes her basically. So he needs to work to prove to her that he is the one, and not those other nobodies.

And because of his cynical nature, he expects that the longer he knows her, he's going to uncover just the underlying sinister nature behind her bubbly persona, but he never does. Bubbles is through and through a good person who is mostly consistent in her philosophies and is just a genuinely sincere person. And she works hard to be good and she sticks by it. Brick respects the consistency and standing up for her shit. Bubbles is one of the few people who convinces Brick's stubborn mind. And it's not because of her feminine wiles, but rather because Bubbles' consistency to be good and the merit to her nuanced arguments are what gets through to him. Bubbles is also a great person to concede to because she will NEVER make you feel bad for losing an argument to her. She makes him feel heard and understood before she disagrees. So when they fight, they often deescalate it before it escalates much. Really the issue for them is how fucking long it takes for Brick to finally be ready for being in a relationship with Bubbles. But when they do, it is really nice.

I see them as huuuuge tumblr-fandom nerds. They both have had homestuck phases that they try to forget. Brick will interpret characters in veeery particular ways and gets pretty peeved about different interpretations. Bubbles is that super open-minded person who is so kind and carefree that honestly you don't mind that some of their interpretations are absolutely heinous. Bubbles (pre-relationship) would also constantly compare him and her with other characters with culpable romantic tension and that imports thoughts into Brick's head.

Once Bubbles likes someone, she is like suuuuper romantic. Doodling hearts next to Brick's name. Doodling his face everywhere. Capturing a unique beauty in odd profiles of Brick's. And like just imagine Brick sees them. These aren't idealizing him or making him look like a model, but rather capture the flaws and make them beautiful in an artistic and vulnerable way. Maybe at first Brick is like caught back, like smug, like haha ur drawing me so u liiiike me, but then he's like hold on, these are like, really good. See I am also a sucker for Brick enjoying art. The portraits would evoke something in him, he'd feel the intimacy of being drawn in such a loving way. (or maybe I'm just being self indulgent haha).

Brick and Bubbles go out a lot. Brick always takes her to secret spots, and somehow he always knows where the best Italian or the best Chinese food is, and they're always these underground spots. They are also both social butterflies and will often make conversation with strangers. They meet people who are complete characters and it makes for great stories. Entertainment for Brick and new friends for Bubbles! Another thing, Bubbles and Brick are just pretty funny together. Like Bubbles is so fucking silly and Brick is silly but in a very different way. Sometimes Brick is Bubbles' straightman and other times Bubbles is his.

Running on fumes,,, why I ship it:

Because I ship Blossutch and Boomercup,,,jk kinda. Honestly, I blame the Bubble Boy episode. From how Bubbles was able to decieve them so long, only to blow her cover by doing something so hardcore that even Boomer wouldn't do it? That earned Brick's respect for sure. AND THE FACT BUTCH THREW UP??? SCAB BOY???? Yeah, that surely got her brownie points. So from this, I created the headcanon that Brick holds some respect for her and genuinely refuses to underestimate her because shit was fucking metal. And Bubbles is CONSTANTLY underestimated by everybody else (see the fucking Hardcore episode) and she faces this obstacle all the time especially because of my body headcanons (short and a lil chubby). So when a guy like Brick actually sees her as a fucking threat, it feels nice. And they're funny together. Big plus.

#steaki speaks #I HIT THE FUCKING WORD LIMIT WTF #fuck u tumblr #ppg #bubbles x brick #brick x bubbles #brickxbubbles #bubblesxbrick #brickubbles

[quietwingsinthesky]

(@transgenderdoctorwhomst )

looks at you with my big eyes and holds out my hand. would you like to be normal with me about master!rory?

yes yes yes yes so badly hold on hold on.

okay. see. what’s got to activate my brainworms about master!rory is the moment we all know and love, this little speech here:

You know what's dangerous about you? It's not that you make people take risks, it's that you make them want to impress you. You make it so they don't want to let you down. You have no idea how dangerous you make people to themselves when you're around.

which, already one of the best rory moments on its own. with regular rory, its an immediate tell of just how insightful he is about the doctor—the guy whose whole thing is being a mystery man in a mystery box. he reads him for dead there, and he’s right. but god. think about that with the context of master!rory. maybe even a master!rory who is still currently fobwatched or whatever, who doesn’t know just how well he knows the doctor. because doesn’t that just cut to the core of their relationship. as much as the master is perfectly capable of doing evil shit all on his lonesome, there’s a part of him that wants the doctor to see. to be impressed by just how far the master can go, has gone.

i mean s3 and end of time are practically him shouting LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! until he’s gone far enough to put his own face everywhere on the planet.

and then, of course, the way that this line could also reflect on missy’s future(?) arc (assuming that at some point rory is gonna regenerate into her. which. extremely funny if you hold to the EU fact that missy is also one of amy’s childhood therapists. missy, that’s your wife what are you doing-) What’s more undoing than wanting to be better because the Doctor knows you can be, promises you can be, and you reach and reach and never quite get a hold on what he’s saying you must. you don’t want to let him down. and you will. inevitably.

you know?

and we gotta get into amy/rory we gotta. okay. again presuming fobwatched!rory -> him getting his memories back. i mean, what’s that like, right? because rory’s world revolves around amy, it really does, but the master has centuries behind him. how do you fit a universe inside you and still love one girl so much. i don’t think he could stop, i don’t think he could help himself. above all, i don’t think amy would let him. that sounds uhhhhh but what i mean is: i don’t think amy would watch rory become someone else and think that she, she who believed the doctor back into existence, couldn’t force a little of him to stay rory, just by holding onto him. very tam lin of her, if she held onto the master as he snarled and spit and lashed out until he ran out of energy to fight it and let himself be rory again just to be in her arms a little while longer.

i think you’re right. i think she really could just go ‘you’re being an idiot’ and he’d completely bluescreen processing that he, the master, is being spoken to like that. that he’s listening to her. he can’t help it, he’s whipped. oh the insane things that would do to him and the doctor both if the doctor couldn’t talk him down from Evil Plan Of The Week but amy could. a compelling parallel too, assuming that somehow fobwatched rory grew up from being a kid (the way yana did?) alongside amy, remembers that still alongside memories of growing up with the doctor. two very different childhood friends, and the real one, the older one, is someone with whom the relationship is so banged up it can never be good or simple ever again. and his childhood with amy wasn’t even real but the love is. the love is.

i think that would be a wonderful way to fuck him up forever. the doctor spends all this time picking up humans and ghosting when they grow older because he’s terrified of facing that and the master mocks that, and then all of a sudden. here’s his human. she’s going to grow old. and he never will. a new kind of fear for him to experience, the horrible understanding of exactly what the doctor does and why. he’d probably bring it up more in response, lash out at the doctor with names of people he hasn’t visited in centuries because he’s so scared, and then turn around and see amy and get cold and shaky because it’s happening to him and he can’t stop it.

ohhhhh river. what do we think the odds are that master!rory would let his daughter be taken away from them? zero, right? and like hell would amy, no matter what the show seemed to believe. so let’s steamroll the doctor’s opinions on the matter, commandeer his ship, because its his future he wants to preserve but its the master’s/rory’s/amy’s present they both want to save. amy’s got a vicious streak that could burn through the galaxy if given enough reason to, and that’s her daughter they took. but alone, the doctor could stop her, because at the end of the day, it’s his ship and he’s got more power over everyone’s lives then is reasonable. with rory, she couldn’t do it. but with the master? the stars are gonna learn to shake when they hear she’s coming.

so yeah. i have. a few thoughts on master!rory. hopefully good ones lmao.

#ask #rory williams #the master #master!rory

[sitp-recs]

FINALLY read heal thyself as per your recommendation (it's been in my marked for later for months yet somehow I kept forgetting?) and it's just as amazing and beautiful as everyone said, cant believe I haven't read it sooner. There's no real purpose for this ask I just feel the need to gush about it with someone who I know understands😭❤️ but her draco is perfect, his characterization, redemption arc, it's everything I never knew I needed. Reading about his struggle and determination to be good—and finally being able to celebrate the rewards of his hard work was so touching? to witness... I literally had to take breaks because of how much this fic made me feel. Going to spend the rest of the night drowning in astolats fics

Ahh anon your ask got me emo all over again, I love this fic so so much and I’m so pleased that you also felt transformed by it! Sharing this feeling of awe and mutual understanding about a fic with another reader is something really special. HT is hands down the best Draco arc I’ve read in years, which is not surprising if we consider not only Astolat’s talent but also the fact that this fic is 100% Draco-centric and for the most part of it there’s no Harry or romance to distract from his individual journey.

I love how you described his redemption path, the fact that for once he got to make a choice about his own life, then reaped the fruits of his hard work (and how brilliant is that he decides to pursue Healing out of pride and spite? So on brand 😂). I think you chose a perfect word to describe our experience “to witness…” that’s exactly how it felt, a privilege to watch him getting the nuance and character development he deserved. I appreciate that Astolat took the time to explore his arc over the span of a few years, it made his success and happy ending even more powerful and satisfying! I can’t think of a better way to spend the night than reading the rest of her catalogue, you’re in for a treat!

Lol okay you gave me an impossible mission there, I gotta say similar characterizations are very hard to find outside of Astolat’s work, her Draco is very peculiar after all. And I feel like HT is unparalleled way beyond his characterization. I’ve been in the fandom for two decades and have never read anything like it before or since. So leaving any comparison efforts aside I’ll suggest these, which have some of my favorite Draco arcs:

The Compact by astolat (E, 64k)

Hermione frowned. “The real question is why the magic of Britain would be failing now, in fact.”

A Young Radical's Guide to Love by blamebrampton (T, 66k)

Memories of the war are still fresh, which is all the excuse Decent People need to do appalling things. In this quietly waged conflict, Draco Malfoy is happy to be on the right side of things for once, and even happier to find he’s not alone.

Who we are in the shadows by quicksilvermaid (E, 100k)

What happens when you’re forced to become the very thing you despise? Ex-Auror Harry Potter, tossed out of the Ministry for something he had no control over, has been looking for a way back to his former life.

A Thousand Beautiful Things by geoviki (M, 104k)

Draco Malfoy struggles with changed fortunes, shifted alliances, an ugly war, and an unusual spell, with the help of a concerned professor, an insightful house-elf, and an unexpected Gryffindor friend.

What We Pretend We Can't See by gyzym (M, 131k)

Seven years out from the war, Harry learns the hard truth of old history: it’s never quite as far behind you as you thought.

By the Grace by lettered (T, 140k)

Harry is an Auror instructor. Malfoy wants to be an Auror.

And some short fics you might enjoy as well:

And Save Me From Bloody Men by blamebrampton (T, 10k)

Draco Malfoy once watched others fighting to stop the world falling apart. This time, he's not just watching.

Rebuilding Draco Malfoy by khasael (E, 11k)

Draco wants to do something to get his life back on track, but no-one seems to be taking him seriously – until he finds himself in an Auror training session led by Harry Potter.

The Loathly Worm by Selden (E, 12k)

When Draco Malfoy is forced to go undercover among the remaining Death Eaters in the aftermath of the war, the last person he expects to find there is Harry Potter.

Unfinished Business by cupiscent (E, 20k)

Ten years after the War ends, Harry and Draco still haven't got their act together. But maybe it's not too late.

Vortex by xanthippe74 (T, 20k)

Who would want a soulmate who was a schoolyard bully, a Death Eater, and a convicted felon? Certainly not Harry Potter. And Draco is determined to take this secret to the grave.

Slithering by astolat (E, 27k)

Draco found the nest down in the Manor’s cellars, while he was clearing them out.

#asks #Astolat anon #Drarry recs #redemption arc

[skaruresonic]

>>pls give Shadow something to do. (stares at a flaming car wreck) actually, you know what, never mind, I'm good. >>the psychic damage you receive from increasingly Hautte Takes that either infantilize Shadow or portray him as an angst vehicle stacks and produces a poison effect. in other words: oof ouch ow my soul >>Shadow angst no longer packing the punch that it used to because by now you've seen it all. And you're internally begging somebody, anybody, to do some shit with him that has nothing to do with Maria or the ARK >>his backstory is plenty tragic already, why are you heaping even more suffering on him. it's not gonna change anything or provide more insight into his character. stop that. >>"if I see one more ~spicy plot twist~ that involves Maria's memory in some way, I'm gnawing on drywall" >>when they make Shadow wax poetic about his fee-fees while calling it "depth." have none of you heard of a kuudere >>God Maekawa can we pls not stuff him into a capsule for the 400th time >>people implying Shadow's base character isn't enough and he needs to be "improved" somehow: ahaha are we here just to suffer >>the eternal irritation of hearing everyone and their brother push the "Shadow mandates" urban legend as truth, when in fact it was the world's largest fandom-wide game of telephone started by some rando on Reddit with absolutely no receipts or proof >>no, he was not tortured by the ARK researchers, they were working on weapons R&D. even if we assumed they were all evil mustache-twirlers, they wouldn't have had the time to strap him to a table. you would know this if you played SA2. >>actually, have you played SA2? >>Shadow would not fucking Say That >>he definitely would not fucking Do That >>conversely, this is not inherently OOC because he has said it in a game before >>actually does have gripes with how limited Shadow's role is in the games while also appreciating the character ST established, but doesn't know how to walk that tightrope without accidentally coming across as "agreeing" with the bullshit idea of fictitious Shadow mandates, or otherwise coming across as though I think ST can never mishandle Shadow, which just isn't true >>you do realize Shadow has flaws right. like he's actually kinda mean and dislikable sometimes. I know, I love him too, but I also have chronic Mean Fictional Man(tm) brainrot and would rather you not sand off his rough edges, pls and thank >>has anyone in this Chili's played Battle? I feel like such a broken record whenever I ask but it seems to need asking pretty often >>reads a headcanon and eyes instantly glaze over because what follows is usually a bunch of uncorroborated bullshit stitched together with loose conjecture >>hehe reticent black hedgie. why are you such a cactus.

[aresmarked]

kanamafu anon again! thank you for the lovely response! here’s an imo trickier niigo question: what do you think of ena’s dad?

i often see fans blow his shittiness out of proportion, like making him a physical abuser to the whole family or acting like he’s always been unsupportive when the text itself says he was supportive of ena’s art when she was a little kid. i agree that he’s shitty, but part of me thinks that… his relationship with ena can be salvaged, somehow? i know other fans wont forgive him even if he and ena get closure, which is fine, but i dont really feel that way? i keep trying to ask myself what sets him apart from, say, mafuyu’s mom in my mind, when they both say harsh things to their kids in an attempt to “protect” them. it’s like my brain’s really clinging to that part about how he wasn’t always like this, unlike mafuyu’s mom who has always used guilt tripping to control mafuyu. but maybe that’s silly of me, dunno. part of me thinks he’s just an emotionally stunted old man who is piss poor at phrasing things and that he just has some serious growing to do to salvage this, but then again maybe he shouldntve been a parent before that point and he still sucks because, again, he at least had the sense to not say “this art is shit” to, like, a seven year old so maybe it IS his fault? i do consider myself a fan of his character so i ponder this a lot. given your insight about mafuyu’s mom, though, i was just curious as to what you thought!

...Hfhfhf, almost right out of the gate with the essay questions. Hm.

I'd break my thoughts up about him into a few main points, but TL;DR if I knew a parent like this I'd go out of the way to make sure the kid gets some positive feedback from me, but he's a character/parent i could see improving in time.

He's one of those guys who's good at his craft but terrible at teaching. (You see these sorts a decent amount, for better or worse). While he had valid points, the way he chose to 'advise' isn't great. if a parent said something like that around me about one of their kids i'd have a Hard time reining it in.

As remarked upon in the game itself, he didn't talk to Ena as his daughter, but more as another artist, and moreover, I'd say, an adult artist. A few additional words would've made a huge difference in how Ena walked away from that conversation. like 'right now'. or advice on, y'know. what to actually work on. see point one again.

The major difference between him and Mafumom is that he does consider Ena's wishes, not hindering her from going into the arts, and not inserting himself where he's very much not wanted. He does respect what Ena wants to do.

Doesn't stop him having done a wrong and needing to repair that, to move forward. People are full of faults and strengths and I appreciate PSekai actually writing people with those. parents with those. it makes us feel even more strongly for ena cause yeah, a parent's mistake hurts a Lot! It makes a better tale cause it's real!

That said, while I think it's possible for Ena and her dad to potentially mend their relationship, as you say, such a mending will take time to believable and acceptable I think, not just to readers but to Ena. She's got no real interest in mending their familial relationship right now. and a 'forgive your parents' plotline when said parent hasn't taken real steps to actually mend the familial relationship would just be. so tired. that grounds been trod a thousand times. 'You'll understand when you're older'. i hate those plots where the kid forgives their parents without the parents really doing anything to reflect on their actions. the fact it's still a bit of a revolution when a parent does admit they've done wrong speaks mountains.

#project sekai #shinonome ena #anonymous #war replies #i'll be honest: i'm currently way more interested in shinomama with the glimpses we've seen in cards and the mafuena event #not only incredible at supporting her kids through tough times but others as well. i want to see her butt heads with mafumom #them being all ^-^ at each other while sparks fly between them

[universalcaffination]

Where It’s At

Highly recommend y’all listen to mister leonard nimoy’s discography because he has a very lovely voice, but there are also some very interesting songs laced throughout!

Where It’s At - written by Cy Coben for the The Way I Feel album released in 1968 - is a favorite example for this. It may have come out 11 years before The Motion Picture of 1979, but I feel like it foreshadows elements of the film in some of its lyrics rather well. Either that, or they looked back at this song and went “huh we should incorporate these themes somehow”

In summary: An unknown person is asking for mister nimoy’s/spock’s answer to the meaning of life and this song is his response, basically. he talks about how he struggled while looking for the answer to this question as well, before his answer came to him suddenly and that it’s love/emotion...

I too have been a prospector wandering through the maze/Buffed by the storms and jagged rocks of life/That tore the nerve ends of my hopes and dreams/And like yours my skin was much too thin to shield me from the inroads of my times

cutting the first few verses out to start here: a brief exploration of how he felt before TMP/during the five year mission or even before then, with the impression that his emotions are painful and overwhelming (and/or how he feels ostracized from vulcan and terran because of his other half), whether that includes all of his emotions or just any romantic feelings

The big machines, the strangling crimson tape/The hate filled moats that keep us from the other seekers/Searching too for the road to where it’s at

we don’t really know why spock leaves starfleet after the five year mission, but the above lyrics could be an insight to his reasoning. starfleet has become restrictive and he feels like he won’t find what he’s looking for in his search for the meaning of life anymore. spock at the beginning of TMP has almost completed kolinahr, which he at the time believes to be the best path to finding his answer. Of course, this is stopped and he joins the enterprise to intercept v’ger

But then, one day, the fog with in my mind began to clear/And for me the truth shown forth as brilliant as a thousand suns

melding with v’ger and experiencing all of the things v’ger’s learned over time, and how the lack of emotion makes all of that knowledge virtually meaningless - overwhelms him with how vibrant/intense it is. he literally gets knocked back in the middle of the meld because its too much all at once. saying that his mind was shrouded in a fog before the meld though is very telling, it suggests that, upon reflection, he can realize that he couldn’t really see what was around him and he was looking in the wrong direction when he left for vulcan and the kolinahr initially.

I had it all along with in my grasp, the answer/So simple that I almost didn’t see it/Its love

mhh learning from the meld that emotions aren’t a bad thing... and that “this simple feeling” he speaks about when grasping kirk’s hand really is love...

Loving someone more than you love yourself, loving so much that you trust, you give and you ask nothing in return/This is the purest form of love/And then/And this is the miracle/If the one your giving to believes as you, you’ve found it/The treasure you’ve been seeking, you’ve found out where it’s at

a great summary of their relationship throughout the five year mission and the movies, this idea that they care so much about one another and it comes in the forms of trust and sacrifice only for them to actually realize that its love after v’ger

~

some of mister nimoy’s albums are spock focused while others aren’t, and the way i feel seems to be a mixture of the two where it’s not always inherently stated that this is a song strictly about the character/universe of star trek, of course...

this song gives me vibes of spock during the second movie or later really, like one of his cadet comes to him asking for life advice and this is what he tells them, as the wise teacher with life experience

And of course, a link to the song itself for you to listen to:

https://youtu.be/qq64ASLfdOw

#star trek #tos #the original series #tmp #the motion picture #spock #kirk #captain kirk #spirk #space husbands #k/s #kirk/spock #s'chn t'gai spock #leonard nimoy #seriously tho listen to his music #the differences between us is another song i feel strong about #reads to me as spock and kirk's first meeting in music form ahh #i could talk about these things for a thousand years

[gillianthecat]

Eek. It's already Friday again. Let me finally finish writing about ep 12 so I can watch 13.

I loved episode 12 of My Only 12% so much. I actually watched it twice the same night, and it was even better the second time.

That opening scene. So intense, so emotional. Their desperation to be understood by each other. All of See-eiw's feelings (bottled up for years) pouring out. The way Cake hugged him, like he wanted to pull him into his own body, like he wanted to anchor him to the world. And their conversation felt so real, so them.

It could have felt abrupt - they're suddenly dating! but it didn't. It made sense that Cake would instantly transform into super-boyfriend as soon as he knew it was an option. I'm still not clear on exactly when Cake realized that he wanted See-eiw and loved him romantically - the show is still mostly from See-eiw's point of view - but I also don't feel like it matters that I know. From the moment Cake stepped off the bus I believed that he was at the very least on his way to falling. And even if he only realized that dating was an option, that that's what all his jealousy had meant, when See-eiw had said he was gay, I'd fully believe that Cake would then instantly decide that the solution was to become boyfriends. (And I agree with this post about why it didn't feel like gay-for-you.) He's that sort of impulsive. Either he's known for a while that he wants to be Eiw's boyfriend, or he recognizes it as what he wants as soon as he sees it as an option.

And then they were so cute as boyfriends. Cake just could not stop touching him. I was honestly surprised by how different and yet somehow how exactly the same boyfriend Cake was to friend Cake. He was already very physical with See-iew, and yet somehow he found a whole new level of constant touch. And I thought he already looked at Eiw with love in his eyes, but no, there's more of that to be found too.

I thought the show handled Cake's desire, and the characters' sexuality very well. It just felt so very them. I loved that it was made clear that this want just Cake being possessive about keeping Eiw to himself, that he wanted Eiw sexually. (Not that I ever thought it was just possessiveness, but I still liked it.) I loved that Cake couldn't keep his hands off Eiw, but that it seemed like he was holding himself back until Eiw was ready. And the thing is, with characters that know each other this well, I trusted that Cake knows Eiw well enough to read him, to read what he's comfortable with, what he's ready for. So Cake kept it light and fun - tickle fights and cheek kisses - until Eiw was ready. But he also let Eiw know (you're driving me crazy. I want your whole body) that he did desire him, that he did want more. Which, although we didn't really get as much insight into Eiw's thoughts this week, must have been reassuring for him, that Cake really meant it, that he wasn't confusing boyfriends with best friends, that their relationship had changed.

And then the last scene. Whew. That was so incredibly sexy and romantic. A million gifs have already been made. But again, I loved how it both felt so them, and yet also completely new. Of course Cake wants to make sure Eiw knows how much he loves him. Of course he has all these words of love and desire that he's been holding back and finally allows them to pour out. And he think, though this could be me projecting, that this is part of Cake's campaign to make sure Eiw knows that Cake is taking the boyfriend's thing seriously, that his desire is real, that it's not just him being possessive in the ways that Eiw feared.

I don't know what was behind the decision to have Cake say all of that in English. And honestly it threw me a bit at first, I think because his voice sounds so different in English. And I'm not used to understanding what anyone is saying without the subtitles. But upon 2nd rewatch it really worked for me. (It helps of course that Cake's accent was believably that of someone who'd gone to high school in the US, not just an actor who'd had a couple sessions with a dialogue coach.)

Maybe it was to create the odd sort of intimacy and truthfulness that comes from saying something in a foreign language. Maybe it was because Cake had been thinking all of that in English, while he was in America, longing for a far away Eiw. Maybe he wanted to show off for his boyfriend. Whatever the reason it worked.

And I appreciate that they didn't leave Eiw as the typical blushing maiden uke, that they let him show just as much sexual desire as Cake. It made sense that he was pushing back earlier, that's always been their dynamic; Cake pushes, Eiw restrains. And I can see why he'd take time to adjust - this thing he's wanted for years, something he'd given up ever having, is finally his. I can see why he'd live in the old dynamic for a while. But this last seen shows that his interest in Cake is sexual, has probably been sexual for a while now.

And it fits that the night they finally have kiss and sex (the very next night after they get together? the timeline is unclear) is while Cake's friends are right outside in the living room. Cake's exactly the type of possessive to claim his man like that. And even his weirdness about the shorts didn't bother me in his new relationship fervor. If he doesn't calm down soon it will be a problem, but I'll give him a pass on jealousy and possessiveness for at least a week.

In fact my only mild criticism of the episode was the comedic sound effects during the scene with the friends. It's as if they decided know that were in a university setting we have to use typical university bl stylings. But it wasn't ergregious and I got over it. And I liked all the friends reactions – supportive and teasing. (Although I remain curious about the Fee/Kung relationship that was hinted at early on. Was that going anywhere? There's been no evidence of it since entering uni.)

The Facebook relationship status stuff: it didn't bother me as much as I thought? I think because it didn't seem to bother Eiw. Yes, Cake outed Eiw as queer without his permission, without talking about it. And Eiw, who had been living as gay in Thailand, has probably thought a lot more about the implications being publicly out than Cake, who spent high school in the U.S. and who may have only this week realized he's bi (or maybe he's known for years, again ambiguous). But I guess again I trust Cake to know Eiw well enough to know what he'd be comfortable with. Should they have talked it over? Yes of course. But Cake is impulsive and still young and it seems like it all fine, so I'm not mad at him.

Of course, it still could have consequences coming. There are still two episodes left. The episode 13 preview looked like the angst would be about Eiw's mom, but they could torture us on multiple fronts. I honestly have no idea what to expect - whether the drama will all be external and Cake and Eiw will weather it together, or if they still have growing pains coming. I kind of hope there are at least some growing pains, because no matter how good there are together there's got to be some adjustments to be made, and I want to see them figuring that out. But either way I'm just glad I get two more weeks of them in my screen.

(This is all assuming they get a happy ending. I don't really think it's going any other way, but I don't know what I'll do if it does. Scream and yell and break dishes, probably.)

#my only 12 percent ep 12 #my only 12 percent #my only 12% #gillianthecat reacts to bl

[tailsrevane]

[tv review] ds9 3x13 "life support" (1995)

the conclusion to winn & bareil’s political rivalry, the best bashir episode of the series so far, and … jake & nog getting into dating hijinks.

i don’t dislike any particular parts of this, in fact i think every individual piece works pretty well on its own, but it really feels like they could’ve held off on the jake & nog stuff for a different a-plot? and maybe given this one a more serious (or at least neutral) b-plot? idk. just seemed like an odd pairing.

the jake & nog stuff was cute, even if i don’t remotely agree that cultural relativism should apply to things like misogyny? but like, making an honest effort to navigate cultural differences is still better than not doing that. (also like, tbf, as long as it’s consensual & with someone i like, i would love to be treated the way nog tries to treat that girl, lmao.)

and regardless of my feelings about the specifics of the situation, this is a really good jake/nog episode. i fucking love the moment when jake tells nog he can’t hang out with him and explains it’s because he has a date, and nog is like “oh word” and just assumes he’s going with him? fucking priceless.

the main plot was… rough. i mean that in an emotional sense, not quality-wise. i’m clearly not vedek bareil’s biggest fan as i’ve mentioned on a number of occasions, but seeing him go through what he goes through in this episode (and the emotional toll it takes on kira) is genuinely difficult. this is also a very strong kira episode, because of course nana visitor does a great job with all the difficult emotions she’s asked to play here.

this is also an interesting kai winn episode. she actually starts out as something of a sympathetic character, but as the episode goes on it becomes increasingly obvious that she is more than willing to hasten bareil’s demise to accomplish her goals. there’s this very obvious contrast of bareil being willing to sacrifice himself in order to achieve the noble goal of peace with the cardassians and winn not really even wanting peace with the cardassians all that much, but just wanting the credit for it to be part of her legacy.

oh, incidentally, the show has done such a good job of presenting winn as a conniving villain that first time i saw this episode i actually found myself wondering if winn had somehow engineered the accident that claimed bareil’s life, and it actually took me at least one rewatch to realize the episode never came close to implying that? like, it just feels like exactly the kind of twist that this sort of narrative would push towards with a character like winn, so much that it feels like it’s baked into the texture of the episode even though it’s not actually there? i’m wondering if anyone else gets that vibe from this episode.

but yeah, the character who ends up coming out looking the best in this episode is actually probably dr. bashir? he gets to tell off kai winn, which is pretty much always going to be a good look for anyone, but in doing so he also displayed the insight to see straight through to kai winn’s motivations.

but what really impressed me throughout the episode was his emotional maturity & professionalism. he advocates fiercely for what’s best for bareil throughout the episode, even to bareil himself, but ultimately respects the vedek’s wishes and presents him with every possible option. he was also so gentle & compassionate towards kira through every step from when they first thought bareil was dead to each step of the treatment, but in the end it doesn’t stop him from telling her what she needs to hear even when she doesn’t want to hear it.

the writing in the second season has definitely toned down how obnoxious bashir is presented as, but i think this episode really is his breakthrough episode. this honestly just doesn’t even feel like the same character from last season, and i think it’s an understatement to say that that’s probably for the best, because this guy i can get behind.

the only real knock against this episode is that, again, i just super don’t feel like these two plots mesh together well at all? but both plots worked pretty well for me in isolation, and i really did especially love what we got out of bashir here, so in the end i’d still have to say this is a pretty great episode.

a-rank

#star trek #star trek deep space nine #star trek ds9 #deep space nine #ds9 #tv review #reviews #tv

[phantasticworks]

Shiny Things/Paper Rings (iydlmp bonus fic)

Hello all!! back again with some more iydlmp bonus content! if you haven't read the original fic this one will probably make absolutely zero sense, so i recommend reading iydlmp first! also this turned out a lot shorter than i thought but I just thought you guys would like some phil pov and what better place for it than the part where dan was mad at him :')

read on ao3

Summary: Phil and Martyn have a day out...

This Phil POV bonus fic occurs during Chapter 22 of the main fic, If You Don't Love Me, Pretend. This fic picks up after Phil leaves the apartment the morning after Jaiden's trip to A&E and gives some insight into what Phil was thinking during this chapter.

Word Count: 2.9k

Warnings: none

He’s not sure how it happened, but this whole morning has definitely gone horribly wrong.

Phil sighs, shaking his head as he makes his way downstairs to where the Uber is waiting. He’s trying not to think about the way Dan had turned away from his touch just a moment ago, his stomach churning with the thought that he might’ve made Dan uncomfortable somehow. Despite Phil’s best efforts to push it away, his head is spinning, trying to come up with some explanation for Dan’s behavior, some mistake he’d unknowingly made that set him off. But it doesn’t do more than give him a low-grade migraine and he eventually decides that it’s not worth making himself sick over. He can still fix this.

The look on Dan’s face when Phil had tried to kiss him earlier floats back into his mind, and he swallows hard, his stomach sinking.

He can still fix it. Right?

~~~

“Took you long enough,” is the first thing out of his brother’s mouth when he meets him at the shops.

“Yeah, well,” Phil says, shrugging. He doesn’t meet Martyn’s eyes, instead just scuffs his shoe against the uneven bricks beneath their feet.

Martyn seems to hesitate, like he’s reassessing the situation, and Phil briefly hates him and how perceptive he is. “Are you alright, buddy?” he asks gently.

Phil nods, then shrugs. He finally forces himself to make eye contact, giving Martyn what is likely an unconvincing smile. “I’m fine. Are we gonna go eat? Shop? What are we doing?”

“I’m… I’m not sure. Are you sure you’re okay?” Martyn asks.

“Yep. Just tired,” Phil lies through his teeth.

There’s a beat of silence in which Martyn seems to be studying him closely, narrowed eyes and all. He must be disappointed at what he finds, because his shoulders drop and he sighs. “Alright,” he says, sounding resigned. “You don’t have to tell me, but… I’m here if you need to talk, okay?”

Damn him for being such a good brother.

Phil rolls his eyes despite himself. “I know that. C’mon. Let’s get inside somewhere, it’s bloody freezing.”

Martyn’s spirits seem lifted enough now that Phil’s speaking in full sentences, so he turns to lead them off down the street. “Do you have anyplace specific you’re wanting to go?” Martyn asks. “Because I’ll be honest, mate, I haven’t a fuckin’ clue where I’m headed.”

Phil almost chastises him for the swear, just like he’d do to Dan at home, but with a start he realizes his kids aren’t with him. That’s so unusual these days, unless he’s at work, that it takes him a second to process it. “Er…” he stalls, trying to come up with a response to whatever the hell his brother just said, even though he wasn’t really listening.

Just then, they pass by a familiar sign posted above a shop. Something nudges Phil’s memory and he absently reaches to check that his wallet is in his pocket. It is, of course, and his feet slow in front of the shop.

“Actually…” he says slowly.

Martyn stops, a little belatedly, and he has to backtrack a few steps to remain in front of Phil. “What?” Martyn says, looking around. He spots the sign of the shop they’ve stopped in front of and his eyes go comically wide. “Uh… didn’t you two already get the prop rings, or whatever?” He asks, glaring at the jeweler sign like it’s personally offended him.

Phil twists the silver band on his ring finger of his left hand. “Yes,” he replies simply, eyeing the ring display at the front window.

“Then…” Martyn says slowly.

And honestly, Phil knows he’s already connected the dots, he truly isn’t that daft. But he sees no reason to deprive him of the answer he’s fishing for.

“This isn’t going to be a prop ring.”

There’s a beat of silence, and before Martyn can protest or anything, Phil marches towards the store, a decisive pep in his step.

“Welcome to Goldsmith’s, how may I assist you?” the cheerful sales associate asks as soon as Phil steps inside.

“Phil,” Martyn hisses from behind him.

Phil ignores him. “Hello,” he greets the associate. “I’m looking for an engagement ring.”

The girl smiles brightly. “Well, congratulations, sir! This is a very exciting chapter of your life, so I’d be happy to help you find what you’re looking for.”

“Great,” Phil says with a smile. He ignores the pointed stare Martyn is sending his way.

“We have a wide selection of engagement rings and bands to choose from, but let me show you to some of our more popular sellers,” the sales associate is saying as she leads them to a case towards the front.

Phil stops her with a short laugh. “Actually, I was hoping I could see your more unique styles. My fian- partner-“ he clears his throat. “My partner is very particular, and I know he’ll want something different, something unique.”

The attendant smiles. “It’s great that you know that! Makes my job a lot easier,” she laughs.

Phil smiles, shaking off his brother’s hand when he tries to grab Phil’s arm. The sales associate is showing them to another case when Martyn starts to whisper.

“Are you sure about this? Like, absolutely positive?” He sounds paranoid, and Phil can’t believe someone else is more nervous about this than he is. “This is a huge decision, Phil, and the two of you aren’t even really-“

“Don’t,” Phil says, sharper than intended.

Martyn snaps his mouth shut, but looks at Phil with a guilty frown.

“These are some styles that either aren’t “in-style” right now, or just aren’t very popular,” the sales associate explains, pulling out a jewelry tray for Phil to examine.

“This one is nice,” Phil says absently, tapping on a rather simple one that has three stones embedded in the simple white gold band. He glances at Martyn, who’s studying the rings with something like confused curiosity. Phil nudges him. “What do you think?”

Martyn glances between him and the ring a couple times, then shrugs. “I don’t know… I reckon Dan would like something a bit flashier, actually.”

Phil smiles, relieved that Martyn’s actually helping now and not questioning his decisions. “Yeah, true.” He looks at the others, letting his gaze linger on the more ornate ones a little longer, waiting for some sort of sign to hit him, but it doesn’t happen.

A moment or two passes where none of them speak, giving Phil the quiet time to study the rings carefully. And study is all he can really do, since none of them really stand out to him. “Is there…”

The sales associate must be all too familiar with this, because she’s quick to pick up on his train of thought. “You know, I think I have another drawer in the back, give me just a moment.”

Phil nods, smiling in relief now that he doesn’t have to actually voice his opinion on the rings he’d been shown so far.

She’s barely been gone a minute when Phil feels Martyn’s hand on his arm. He sighs. “Martyn,” he starts, turning to tell him, kindly, to bugger off.

“Hey,” Martyn interrupts him. He’s smiling a little, which wasn’t the expression Phil was expecting to see. “You really love him, huh?”

Phil drops his gaze to the ring he’s already wearing, the one he’s so emotionally attached to now that he can’t bear to imagine ever taking it off. “I… yeah. Yeah, I really do.”

Martyn is quiet for a moment. “Have you always? Or is this like… a new thing?”

Phil levels him with a look, one brow quirked in disbelief. “You’re really going to ask me that?”

“Well…” Martyn shrugs, then laughs when he sees the dumbfounded look Phil is giving him. “Okay, yeah, yeah. I mean… you have been rather obvious from the start.”

Phil has to laugh at that. “God, I know. No idea how Dan didn’t realize it sooner. I guess we were both just so deep in denial that we didn’t know how to deal with ourselves.”

“Does he? Realize it now, I mean?” Martyn asks softly.

Just then, before Phil gets the chance to reply, the sales lady returns with another drawer of rings.

“These are some of our more unique choices, mixed in with some newer pieces that haven’t done as well as we thought they would,” she says, setting the tray down and stepping back to give him the space to survey them.

“Dan would love that,” Phil remarks, mostly to himself.

“Which one?” Martyn asks.

Phil shakes his head, still studying them closely. “No, I just meant like, getting a ring that no one else wants. Adopting it, saving it from the depths of jewelry hell and all that.”

Martyn laughs, and Phil smiles. “Fair enough.”

The sales associate begins explaining some other options she can present if he doesn’t like these, but it’s while she’s talking that he sees it. It’s flashier than he’d prefer for himself, with a somewhat feminine style. It’s white gold, Dan’s favorite, with simple diamonds twisted on the band leading up to the center, where the main diamond sits.

It’s perfect.

“Can I see that one?” Phil asks, pointing to the ring that is absolutely, perfectly Dan.

The sales associate smiles and nods. “This one has been here for a month or so. It’s the only one we’ve got, but we can get it resized if you decide you like it.” She hands the ring to him carefully, then steps back to give him a chance to look it over and consider it.

Phil clutches the ring gently, holding it up close to his face to inspect it. It’s perfect. Absolutely perfect. He can already imagine slipping it on Dan’s lovely digit, the face he’d make when Phil really, properly proposes.

He’s so deep in the fantasy that he doesn’t even realize the sales associate is speaking to him until his brother pinches his arm.

“Ow!” Phil yelps, turning to glare at Martyn with little thought to the other person standing there.

“I’m sorry, but she’s trying to ask you a question, mate. At least pretend to pay attention,” Martyn says with a roll of his eyes, smiling apologetically at the sales lady when he’s done being dramatic.

“I’m so sorry,” Phil says to her immediately. “I was… sorry, what were you saying?”

The girl smiles kindly at him. “I take it this is the one?“ she says, nodding to the ring.

Phil takes one last look at it, then nods. “Yeah, this is definitely the one. He’ll love it.”

She smiles. “Lovely. I was just asking, do you happen to know what his ring size is?”

“Well, actually- oh, here, I guess I shouldn’t be the one holding onto this,” he says, handing the ring back as he starts digging in his pocket. He pulls out his wallet and takes a second to rummage around, finding what he’s looking for in record time. “Oh, here it is. We actually bought some jewelry here not too long ago and we both got a copy of the receipt,” Phil explains, sliding it over to her.

The sales associate picks it up, scanning the information quickly. “Oh, this is perfect. Since you’re already in our system I can look up the purchase and we can figure out his size. I’m assuming we’ll definitely need to resize this, correct?”

Phil glances at the ring again, and nods with a laugh. “Oh, definitely. That wouldn’t even fit on his pinky.”

She laughs along with him, then closes the case, the ring still clutched safely in her hand. “Alright. If you’ll just follow me, I’ll pull your account up on the computer and we’ll get the rest squared away!”

~~~

Less than half an hour later, Phil and Martyn step back out on the streets, a new receipt in Phil’s pocket, the estimated pick-up date circled on it in red ink.

“Is this what you had planned for today?” Martyn asks as they begin strolling off towards some other shops.

Phil laughs at that. “No. What I had planned for today was snuggling my boyfriend and my kids.”

Martyn gives him a look. “Boyfriend, eh? So it’s official, then?” he asks, a mischievous smirk on his face.

Phil can feel his face flush when he realizes what he’s just said. “Well… I call him that sometimes. In my head.”

Martyn isn’t polite enough not to laugh at him. “Oh, so Dan isn’t aware of this new development?”

There’s an awkward pause as Phil tries to think of a realistic lie, but it’s filled with Martyn cackling, then pretending to cover it up with a cough. “He knows that there are… feelings happening. I think.”

“You think?” Martyn basically squawks. “Jesus, man. Why don’t you just tell him you fancy him? You know he feels the same.”

He gestures them towards a candy shop then, and Phil is helpless to refuse. He follows behind Martyn slowly, trying to gather his thoughts.

“Well… I mean, I guess I think I know how he feels, but I… I’m not sure.”

Martyn had stopped to hold the door open for him, but at that he pauses, turning to give Phil a blank stare. “Mate,” he deadpans.

“What?” Phil says defensively. “Open the door, it’s freezing out here.”

Martyn rolls his eyes, but waves Phil through, following behind him closely to continue the conversation. “Don’t be daft. Or, at least be less daft, if you can manage that.”

“Thanks, Mar, you’re such a beaming ray of kindness today. I’ve missed our bonding times,” Phil says, and he hopes his voice is dripping with sarcasm.

“You know you did,” Martyn teases. Phil can’t even deny that. He did.

“Whatever,” he says, mindlessly strolling the store, his hands tucked firmly in his pockets to keep him from buying anything.

“I’m serious, though,” Martyn says after a minute, tucking a box of licorice under his arm, likely for their father. “I think you both would feel better if you just had a conversation about it, yeah?”

Phil’s quiet, thinking about it. Of course, Martyn is right. “I know,” he says, rather than admitting it in so many words. “And, God, I’ve already bought a real ring, haven’t I? I’ve got to say something. Surely he’ll say no if I just propose out of nowhere. And-”

“I doubt it,” Martyn interrupts his rambling, examining some chocolate oranges.

Phil blinks. “Doubt what?” He says, suspicious.

Martyn shrugs. “I doubt he’d say no. Knowing the two of you, he might actually prefer it if you just propose, so neither of you have to actually talk like functioning human beings.”

And this, Phil thinks, is where Martyn clearly doesn’t know Dan very well. “Oh, no. Dan loves to talk. He loves a good serious chat. We have them with the kids all the time.”

Martyn glances at him then, smiling a little. “He’s a good dad?” he asks.

Phil sighs wistfully, wishing again that he’d said no to his brother and just stayed home to snuggle with his grumpy-Dan and their kids. “The best,” he says truthfully. He hesitates then, debating on whether or not he should share this next part with his brother.

“What is it?” Martyn asks, Phil’s anxiety and hesitation far too easy to read for someone who has known him his whole life.

Phil chews his lip in contemplation, but sighs. It would be good to get a second opinion on this, he figures.

“Dan asked me to adopt the kids with him.”

Martyn drops the box of licorice.

Phil winces at the noise, and they both glance at the shopkeep, who gives them a tired once-over before going back to his coffee and tablet.

“He what?” Martyn whisper-shouts, leaning back down to retrieve the box.

“He asked me to adopt-”

Martyn flaps his hand. “Shut up, I heard you. I just…” He stares at Phil, his eyes wide. “That’s a lot, man. That’s a big responsibility.”

Phil knows he doesn’t really mean it like that, but he bristles anyway at the insinuation that he maybe can’t handle that responsibility. He feels like he’s been doing just fine so far, though.

“I know that,” he says, a little defensive. “We know that. I just…” he trails off then. This may not even be something Martyn understands. He and Cornelia have Evan, but… still. This is a little different.

“Just what?” Martyn says, his voice soft.

Phil sighs. “They’re my kids, Martyn. And as odd as it sounds, Dan is my family. With or without them, he’s… He’s my person. And he’s the only person I’d want to have a family with.”

Martyn is silent, glancing at Phil for only a minute before going over to the counter to pay for the candy. Phil trails after him, feeling a little like he’s in trouble, even though he hasn’t even done anything. Martyn can’t crucify him for a crime he didn’t even commit, he thinks bitterly.

They head out of the shop, and Martyn pulls out his phone and glances at the time. “You feel like doing a little bit of Christmas shopping?”

~~~

Later that evening, when Phil is eating dinner at the table by himself, a message pops up from his brother. They’d abandoned the conversation about Dan and the kids at the candy shop, and Phil had honestly thought Martyn was angry with him. The message clears his conscience of that, at least.

Martyn: Talk to Dan. If you guys can ever get your shit sorted out, I think those kids would be thrilled to have you guys as forever parents.

Martyn: Also, you owe me for lunch

~~~

#phan #phanfic #phanfiction #iydlmp #if you don't love me pretend #iydlmp bonus fics #bonus content #foster phanfic #foster parent au #parent!phan #bbc producer!phil #school counselor!dan #chapter 22 bonus #phil pov

[thisiskatsblog]

Making this a separate post so as not to hijack yours but thanks for answering this question about Matilda @dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram and for putting to words a few things I had trouble pinning down.

My feelings about Matilda are more conflicted – I don’t hate it at all, I really love parts of it as they resonate strongly with some of my personal experiences growing up in a very conservative environment and finding my voice and family in creating my own space for it, and there’s some great lines in the song about the importance of found family. But then there are also elements of it that completely run counter to some other experiences I’ve had with abusive situations, both first hand and from working with others on a professional level. And then indeed there are the parts that sit very uncomfortably, if you read the song from a generalised perspective as a song about surviving abuse.

I think part of the problem is that the song is, in fact, a covert message to someone in particular that he knows but whom he says (in an interview the link of which I am having trouble finding for a minute)  he somehow couldn’t speak to directly, and to whom - interestingly - he didn’t even play the song to before putting it out. Personally I think some of the narrowness of the experience described and some of the more confusing contradictions may come from this being about a particular person’s situation.  

Framing it as a song about surviving abuse in general, and then packaging it in the imagery of a children’s book, does not make the song any easier to read and I would agree that it contributes to painting an idealised picture of what it can look like to extract oneself from a situation of abuse - a picture that may be comforting (to me in some senses it really is because some of my experiences are like that - and I know I’m privileged in that), and a picture people may like to adopt from an idealistic point of view, but which may indeed not realistically apply to most situations of abuse, and which is not necessarily helpful to people currently in such a situation.

Whichever way you read it, as a general song about surviving abuse or as a covert message to a friend, I would agree that the line “I know they won’t hurt you anymore as long as you can let them go” is the line that sits most uncomfortably, because letting go comes at a price, always, and it would seem to me, only the person in that particular situation can put everything in the balance and weigh up the harm against the benefits of letting go. It raises so many questions I’d like to ask H. What do you know more than the person you’re writing this for? Why is your perspective on this so important? Do you realize that saying “as long as you can let them go” IS victim blaming – is indeed saying that “if you could only just let go, you’d stop getting hurt” - and how do you think that is fair to say?  

What frustrates me most about it, is that I think H would know better. He himself is in a situation that some would consider abusive – the music industry in general is abusive as we know, H himself has started opening up about how he feels about parts of the contracts he signed as a young person under very unequal power relations, the cleanliness clauses, and there’s of course the closeting he can still not talk about - all of that. H himself is deliberately choosing to not let certain things go (his dream of being a big popstar, his big label) and staying in that situation. And he surely knows that there’s a significant part of his following that spends their days sighing about how awful it all is and that would like to see him break free of those restrictions. Yet, his assessment of his own situation is clearly that it’s in his interest to stay in it, and stay closeted (for now). At least that’s the story I’m telling myself about H’s situation. So yeah, highly interesting that he does think he has the better insight into someone else’s abusive situation. 

Back to reading Matilda as a story H is telling about the unidentified friends’ situation - there are actually lines that do display a level of self-awareness and understanding of his limited insight into the other person’s situation  “it’s none of my business” and  “I know that time won’t change your mind”. In the interview he also says something about how he wanted to write something from that person’s perspective, not his own, but it IS very much his own perspective he is offering. It’s so strange, he didn’t pick up the phone, he didn’t play the song to the person. And I am having trouble understanding the immediate turn it then takes from “I know time won’t change your mind” to “in other words, I know that they won’t hurt you anymore as long as you can let them go”. There is a lot we are missing here to make his choices about this song understandable to me.

In short - I would agree with the assessment made another post that “With Harry (…) most of his songs are about something very specific that he’s not telling us.”  I think that’s very true of this song and he’s shared some of what that specificity is and there’s a lot he is not telling us. And I think that some of the frustrations I have with this song relate to the fact that it is written about a very specific situation in which Harry feels he cannot offer concrete support to the person, cannot call them on the phone, or even play the song to them, but his views are still important - which is all very possible, but that, sadly, framing it as a general song about surviving abuse, it perpetuates some harmful misconceptions, and offers no support at all but instead blames the person for not letting go. I’m trying to reconcile that with what he says about this being a song about self care and “not feeling guilty”, and I’m really having difficulty.  

If anything, I’d recommend H to pick up the phone and call his friend, really.  

#matilda #i try #with all the songs i try and with this one i try extra #to get through the dense imagery that h uses #because some of it seems to speak to me so much #and other parts of it are just unintelligible #or simply don't sit right at all #what makes you tell your friend to let it go H #why do you think you know better #what are they to let go #have you asked them about the cost of letting go #or why they don't want to do that #why can't you have a conversation and communicate to them about this #aaaaaaaarrrrggghhh

[frozenbound]

Shimadacest headcanon #20

(related to Shimadacest headcanon #19)

The first time Genji flashes Hanzo is at breakfast.

It hardly counts as anything because they're alone in the cafeteria. Hanzo is looking down to shovel a mouthful of scrambled eggs into his mouth when he hears Genji approach with the signature taptap of his metallic feet. He glances up...

...and chokes and whips his head around to glance, wide-eyed and redfaced, at the empty doorway to make sure nobody else is there to see Genji's half-erect cock hanging out.

By the time he turns back, though, Genji's smooth, white codpiece is back in place before it disappears below the table as he calmly sits across from him. "What is it, brother?" he asks innocently. "Did you see something?"

Indignation and arousal surge in Hanzo's veins, and he opens his mouth to say...

...nothing, because Lúcio noisily bounces through the door at that moment.

The second time is at a team meeting.

Hanzo has been entrusted for the first time in planning the details, his years of strategic leadership coming back into play after years of dormancy, and he's proud and happy to be standing at the head of the conference table, gesturing at a hologram of a suspected Talon base and explaining the team's planned entry and egress.

Agent Cassidy politely raises his hand to ask a question and Hanzo pauses and straightens to look down the length of the table past Reinhardt, Lúcio, and Zenyatta at him.

Genji has chosen not to sit at the table, but leans against the wall behind Cassidy.

The cowboy asks his question, which is surprisingly pertinent and insightful, and everyone looks at Hanzo as he digests it and prepares his answer.

Then he (nearly) chokes again when Genji casually reaches down to pull his codpiece away, allowing his fat cock to fall out into the open air while all eyes are on Hanzo.

Hanzo swallows, willing the redness welling up not to pass his neck into his face, and very determinedly and thoroughly answers Cassidy's question, everyone nodding and looking thoughtful as Genji, with a huge grin, slowly tucks himself away and slides his codpiece back into place, no one the wiser.

The third time is during a mission.

Hanzo and Genji are on the rooftops acting as lookouts as the rest of the team acts as an invisible roadblock, waiting for the target to fall into their trap.

This neighborhood is full of bland, low, identical office buildings, and Genji is level with him across the street on his rooftop. The team leader, Cassidy this time, asks for them all to sound off, and Hanzo reports his status is green before he automatically glances across to Genji as he does the same.

He's erect this time, and windmilling, looking directly at Hanzo as his dick circles around and around with his heavy balls swinging underneath.

There's no way anyone on the team will see this, but that just means there's nothing to stop Hanzo from turning beet red at the sight.

Then Genji just...lets it hang out for the rest of the night, pacing back and forth as he mirrors Hanzo. He isn't erect the entire time, but that almost makes it worse, because when he's soft and floppy, the movement is even more eye-catching.

He only puts his codpiece back on when Soldier:76 reports their target is approaching, but by that time Hanzo is nearly beside himself with the need of pinning his brother down with one hand while fondling his shaft and ballsack with the other, on the rooftop for all to see.

He's certainly hard and leaking.

He's certainly going to get him back somehow.

#shimadacest headcanons #shimadacest #genji is a pretty daring exhibitionist and hanzo is suffering

[felassan]

Dragon Age development insights and highlights from Bioware: Stories and Secrets from 25 Years of Game Development

Some really tasty factoids here.

Cut for length.

Dragon Age: Origins

The continent of Thedas was at one point going to be named Pelledia, a name initially floated by James Ohlen

“Qunari” was a temporary name that ended up unintentionally sticking, much like “Thedas”

Mary Kirby wrote the Landsmeet. To this day, nobody understands how it works, except possibly her. If she’s “really really drunk” she can explain how it works. There’s as many words in it as Sten’s entire conversations put together

Concept art for Thedosian art - as in in-world art - draws heavily on Renaissance-era portraiture, the Art Nouveau movement, religious styles and media like stained glass, and favorite pieces from the golden age of illustrations in the early 20th century

Andrastianism in-world (art-wise) is depicted in wildly different methods depending on who in-world made the art in question. “One religion, 3 different lenses”. There’s the Chantry take, the Orlesian take and the Fereldan take; each with its own different interpretations, different mediums and different stories

The stained glass images were drawn by Nick Thornborrow for DAI, to decorate religious spaces in that game “and beyond”

irl Viking art influenced Ferelden

Greek and Italian art influenced Orlais

The book also had other insights into and anecdotes from the development of DAO, but I’ve transcribed them recently as they’re essentially the stories DG has recently been relating on the awesome Summerfall Studios DAO playthrough Twitch streams. (On those streams he provides dev commentary while Liam Esler plays through DA. The ones with DG are currently once every two weeks. Check them out! Here’s a calendar where you can check when the next one is) Instead of repeating myself I’ll just provide the link to the first transcript. From there you can navigate to the subsequent parts. Note these streams are ongoing. At this point I will also point you to a related post which is cliff notes of the Dragon Age chapter in Jason Schreier’s book Blood Sweat and Pixels.

Dragon Age II

DAO had the longest development period in BioWare history. In contrast DA2 had the shortest

Initially DA2 was going to be an expansion to DAO. A few months in EA said “Yeah, expansions like these don’t sell very well, so let’s make it a sequel.” So it suddenly became DA2 and they had to make it even bigger, although they still only had 1.5 years of time in which to do this

Production of DA2 officially lasted only 9 months, and at the time the team was still supporting live content for DAO! They finished development that January after the design team crunched all the way through the holiday period that year. Then it went to cert 9 times

The limited time they had is why the story takes place mostly in and around 1 city, and over 7 years (so it was temporal, rather than over physical distance, because a more expansive world would have taken more irl time to make)

They had no time to review even the main plot. Mike Laidlaw pitched the idea of 3 stories taking place at different points in the PC’s life, tied together by Varric’s recollections of events. DG rolled with this and made 1 presentation on the idea. This presentation was then approved and off they went

As they were writing DG realized that there was going to be no oversight and that everything was going to be a ‘first draft’. “Because nobody had time.” He sat down with the writers and said “Look, here’s the conditions we’re working under. A lot of what we’re putting out is gonna be raw. We’re not going to get the editing we need. We’re not going to get the kind of iteration we need. So I’m going to trust you all to do your best work.”

Looking back, DG has mixed feelings on DA2. “A lot of corners were cut. The public perception was that it was smaller than DAO. That’s a sin on its own.”

Despite this he thinks DA2 has some of the best writing in the series, especially character-wise. The DA2 chars are his favorite

The pace with which production progressed may in some ways have helped. “When we do a lot of revision, we often file away [as in buff off] some of the good writing as well. Somehow DA2′s whirlwind process resulted in some really good writing”

The pace meant chars landed on the writers in various stages of completion. For example Isabela was fairly defined due to appearing in DAO. In contrast Varric at the start was just that single piece of widely-shown concept art

Varric was conceived as a storyteller not a fighter. His skills are talking and bullshitting. Hence the question became, so what does this guy do in combat? The direction was to make him as different as possible to Oghren, so not a warrior. He couldn’t be a dual-wielding rogue in order to differentiate him from Bela. But you can’t really picture this guy with a bow. “For a dwarf, it would probably be a crossbow. We didn’t have crossbows, or we only had crossbows for the darkspawn. And they were part of the models. We didn’t have a separate crossbow that was equip-able by the chars. They had to like, crop one off a darkspawn and remodel it. And that became Bianca” (quote: Mary Kirby)

“Dwarven mages are exceedingly rare.” [???]

If DAO was a classic fantasy painting, DA2 was a screenshot from a Kurosawa film or a northern Renaissance painting. (Here Matt Rhodes was commenting on art style)

John Epler: “In any one of our games, there’s a 95% chance that if you turn the camera away from what it’s looking at, you’ll see all kinds of janky stuff. The moment we know the camera is no longer facing someone, we no longer care what happens to them. We will teleport people around. We will jump people around. We will literally have someone walk off screen and then we will shift them 1000 meters down, because we’re fixing some bug.” John also talked about this camera stuff in a recent charity Twitch stream for Gamers For Groceries. There’s a writeup of that stream here

Designing Kirkwall pushed concept artists to the limits of visual storytelling, because it has a long history that they wanted to be present. It was once the hub of Tevinter’s slave empire, so it needed to look brutal and harsh, but it also then needed to feel reclaimed, evolved, and with elements of contemporary Free Marches culture

The initial plan was for DA titles to be distinguished by subtitles not numbers, so that each experience could stand on its own rather than feel like a sequel or continuation. (My note: New PCs in each entry make sense then when you consider this and other factoids we know like how DA is the story of the world not of any one PC). Later, DA2′s name was made DA2 in a bid to more clearly connect the game to its predecessor. For DAI they returned to the original naming convention. (My note: so I’d reckon they’d be continuing the subtitle naming convention for DA4)

DA2 was initially code-named “Nug Storm”, strictly internally

The Cancelled DA2 Expansion - Exalted March

This was a precursor to DAI

It was meant to bridge the gap between DA2 and DAI

It focused on the fallout from Kirkwall’s explosion, with Cory serving as the villain

Meredith’s red lyrium statue was basically going to infest Kirkwall and it would end up [with what would end up] the red templars taking over Kirkwall and essentially being Cory’s army

To stop him Hawke would have recruited various factions, including Bela’s Felicisima Armada and the Qunari at Estwatch, forcing Hawke to split loyalties and risk relationships in the process

It was meant to bring DA2′s story to an end and end in Varric’s death. DG was very happy with this because all of DA2 is Varric’s tale. The expansion was supposed to start at the moment Cassandra’s interrogation of him ended in the present. “And we finished off the story with Varric having this heroic death.” It tied things up and would have broken many fan hearts, something BioWare writers notoriously enjoy. But between a transition to the new Frostbite engine and the scope of DAI, the decision was made to cancel EM, work any hard-to-lose concepts into DAI, and in the process save Varric’s life. DG has talked about the Varric dying thing before

Concept art for EM explored new areas previously not depicted in the DA universe, with costumes that reflected next steps for familiar chars. Varric was going to war, what would he have worn? With Anders, if he survived DA2, the plan was to present a redeemed Warden

A char that vaguely resembled Sera in DAI was first concepted for EM. This fact was mentioned near this concept art (see the female elf) and this concept art of Bethany with the blond bob

The writers sketched out plans to end it with Hawke having the option to marry their LI. This included alternate ceremonies for party members like Bethany and Sebastian if the player opted not to wed. There was even a wedding dress made for Hawke. This asset made it into DAI (Sera and Cullen’s weddings in Trespasser). The dress can also be seen in DAI during an ambient NPC wedding after completing a chain of war table missions

The destruction of a Chantry was explored in concept art as it might have happened in EM. This idea ended up carrying over to the beginning of DAI. (My note: Lol, the idea that DA2 could have had 2 Chantries being destroyed in it 😆)

World of Thedas

Sheryl Chee and Mary Kirby started with “a disgusting little dish called fluffy mackerel pudding”. In the middle of DAO’s busy dev period one of them (they can’t remember who) found a recipe online for this, scanned in from a 70s cookbook. “I don’t understand why it was fluffy. Why would you want fluffy mackerel pudding?” MK says. “We loved it so much we included it in a DAO codex.”

This led them to create more food for Thedas, full recipes included, like a Fereldan turnip and barley stew from MK and SC’s Starkhaven fish and egg pie. The fish pie became Sebastian’s favorite. “To me it made sense for it to be fish pie because a lot of the Free Marches are on the coast”, SC says, “It was something that was popular in medieval times, so I thought, let’s make a fish pie! I looked at medieval recipes and I concocted a fish pie which I fed to my partner, and he was like ‘This is not terrible’”

For WoT the whole studio was asked to contribute family recipes which might have a place in Thedas. SC adapted these to fit in one Thedosian culture or another, including a beloved banana bread that localization producer Melanie Fleming would regularly bake to keep the DA team motivated. “Melanie’s banana bread got us through Inquisition”

DAI

It says part of DAI takes place in or near the border with Nevarra [???]

This game was aimed to be bigger than DA2 and even DAO in every conceivable way

The first hour had to do a lot of heavy lifting, tying together the events of DAO and DA2 while introducing a new PC, new followers etc in the aftermath of the big attack. DG rewrote it 7 times then Lukas Kristjanson did 2 more passes

DG: “Our problem is always that our endings are so important, but we leave them to last, when we have no time. I kept pushing on DAI: ‘Can we work on the ending now? Can we work on the ending now? Can we do it early on?’ Because I knew exactly what it was going to be. But despite the fact that it kept getting scheduled, whenever the schedule started falling behind, it kept getting pushed back... so, of course, it got left til last again.”

“The reveal of the story’s real antagonist, Solas, a follower until the end, when he betrayed the player”. “Solas’ story remains a main thread in Inquisition’s long-awaited follow-up” [these aren’t DG quotes, just bits of general text]

Over the course of development they had 8 full-time writers and 4 editors working on it. Other writers joined later to help wrangle what ended up being close to 1 million words of dialogue and unspoken text. While many teams moved to a more open concept style of work for DAI, the writers remained tucked away in their own room, a choice DG says was necessary, given how much they talked. All the talking had a purpose ofc as if someone hit a bump or wall in their writing they would open the problem up to the room

As writing on a project like DAI progresses, the writers grow punchier and weirder things make it into the game. This is especially the case towards the end of a project (they get tired, burned out)

Banter and codexes require less ‘buy-in’ (DG has talked about this concept a few times on the Twitch streams) from other designers. DG liked to leave banter for last as a reward because it was fun. Banter begins as lists of topics for 2 followers to discuss. These may progress over time or be one off exchanges. One banter script can balloon to well over 10k words. “The banter was always huge because we were always like, laughing, and really at that point, our fields of fucks were rather barren, so we would just do whatever”

The bog unicorn happened pretty much by accident. It was designed by Matt Rhodes and was one of his fav things to design. They needed horse variations and he had already designed an undead variant which was a bog mummy [bog body]. irl these are preserved in a much different way to traditional mummies. When someone dies in a bog their skin turns black and raisin-like. The examples we know of tend to have bright red hair for whatever reason. It’s a very striking look and MR wanted to do a horse version of this as he thought it’d be neat. 5 mins before the review meeting for it he had a big ‘Aha!’ moment, quickly looked up a rusty old Viking sword, and photoshopped it through its skull like that was how it died. “And I was like, ‘I just made a unicorn. Alright, in it goes!’” It got approved. “So we built the thing. It fit. It told a little story��

With the irl Inquisition longsword, one of the objects they tested its cleaving ability on was a plush version of Leliana’s nug Schmooples

The concept art team explored a wide variety of visuals for the Inquisitor’s signature mark. It needed to look powerful and raw but couldn’t look like a horrific wound. In some cases, as cool as the idea looked on paper, they just weren’t technically feasible, especially as they had to be able to fit on any number of different bodies

Bug report: “Endlessly spawning mounts! At one point during development, Inquisitors could summon a new horse every time they whistled, allowing them to amass a near infinite number of eager steeds that faithfully followed them across Thedas. “You could go charging across levels and they’d all gallop behind you,” Jen Cheverie says, “It was beautiful.” Trotting into town became an epic horse siege as a tidal wave of mounts enveloped the streets. Jen called it her Army of Ponies”

The giants came from DA Week, an internal period when devs can pursue different individual creative projects that in some way benefit DA. They also had a board game from one of these that they were going to put in but they didn’t have time. It’s referenced though. It was dwarven chess

Josie’s outfit is made of gold silk and patterned velvet, with leather at her waist. She carries “an ornate ledger” and she has “an ornamented collar sitting around her neck, finished by a brilliant red ruby, like a drop of Antivan wine in a sunbeam”

Iron Bull’s armor is leather. His loose pantaloons and leather boots give him agility to charge

On DAI in particular, concept artists took special care to make sure costumes would be realistic, at least in a practical ‘this obeys the laws of physics and textiles’ sense. “While on Inquisition, we thought about cosplay from a concept art perspective. Given how incredible a lot of [cosplays] are, I now am not worried about them. In fact in some cases in the future I want to throw them curveballs like, ‘All right, you clever bastards. Let’s see if you can do this!’”

2 geese that nested on the office building and had chicks were named Ganders and Arishonk (it wasn’t known who was the mom or the dad). Other possible names were Carver Honke, Bethany Honke, Urdnot Pecks, Quackwall, Cassandra Pentagoose, the Iron Bill, Shepbird, Garroose, Admiral Quackett, Scout Honking, HChick-47 and Darth Malgoose

Bug report: “The surprising adventures of Ser Noodles!” DAI was the first time the series had a mount feature, meaning this had a lot of bugs. A lot of the teams’ favorite bugs were to do with the mounts. There was a period of time where the Inquisitor’s horse seemed to lose all bone and muscle in its legs. They had a week or so where all quadruped legs were broken. It was a bit noticeable in things like nugs and other small beasties but the horse was insanely obvious. “The first time we summoned the horse [for this] and started running around, the entire QA exploration room just exploded with laughter.” Its legs flapped around like cooked fettucine, leading testers to lovingly nickname it Ser Noodles. At galloping speeds the legs almost looked like helicopter blades, especially when footage was set to classic pieces such as Wagner’s Flight of the Valkyries

For DAI the artists were asked questions like “What would Morrigan wear to a formal ball? Can Cassandra pull off a jaunty hat?”

On DAI storyboarding became the norm. John Epler: “Cinematic design for the longest time was the Wild West. It was ‘here’s a bunch of content, now do it however you want’, which resulted in some successes and some failures.” Storyboarding gave designers a consistent visual blueprint based on ideas from designers, writers and concept artists

Quote from a storyboard by Nick Thornborrow (the Inquisitor going into the party at the end of basegame sequence): “Until Corypheus revealed himself they could not see the single hand behind the chaos. A magister and a darkspawn combined. The ultimate evil. So evil. Eviler than puppy-killers and egg farts combined.”

A general note on concept art:

In the early stages of any project, before the concept artists are aware of any writing, they like to just draw what they think cool story moments could be. It’s not unusual for the team to then be inspired by these and fold them into the game as the project progresses

– From Bioware: Stories and Secrets from 25 Years of Game Development

#dragon age 4 #the dread wolf rises #dragon age #bioware #video games #the da4 tags are due to a few references to da4 #cassandra pentaghast #my lady paladin #lul #feels #solas #mass effect #garrus vakarian #best boy #morrigan #queen of my heart #fenris #the Fenaissance #Bioware: Stories and Secrets from 25 Years of Game Development spoilers #Bioware: Stories and Secrets from 25 Years of Game Development spoiler #Bioware: Stories and Secrets from 25 Years of Game Development #spoilers #spoiler #mj best of

[studiojeon]

troubled outsiders | intro - jjk

| summary | -  how you two end up pining for each other.

warnings: none :) 

content: idol!jungkook x student!oc, friends to lovers (because it’s THE superior trope okurrrt), jungkook is quiet and shy but a social butterfly when needed (and when it comes to oc but you’re not supposed to know that yet), oc is both a badass and a socially akward queen, she has TWO friends and only because one is dating the other (like... same), the Lee Charyeong is her bestie, oc works at bighit and feels like everyone either fears her or hates her, author nim is a crackhead and has no plot planned for this series whatsoever (doesn’t know if she’ll keep this up, we’ll see).

words: 1.93 k

His presence was overwhelming, to say the least. Even if he were surrounded by six hundred other equally handsome men, somehow, to you (and the majority of the female population, at that point) he was as captivating and magnetic as they come. Jeon Jungkook didn't pay no mind to no one, but sure as hell everyone became hyper aware of his existence and essence in time. And that didn’t exclude you.

Yet, as nonchalant and indifferent as the man could be perceived, in reality he was more considerate and friendly than the aura he exuded. You knew this because working in the same company had to teach a thing or two about the people who literally carried said company and the whole industry at some point, still you barely knew four or three people, including your assistant and Jungkook, whom you had met once.

The opportunity of working at the company had come to you out of the blue, quite literally, you were attempting to send one of your assignments in when an email appeared in your notifications during your sailor moon study break. 

HYBE Entertainment

We’re glad to inform you that you’re being recruited for the position of Logistics Manager in one of our sub companies, BIGHIT Entertainment. We’ve thoroughly looked through the CV you’ve submitted and are very interested in your capabilities and what you can contribute to our organization. One of our other managers will gladly meet you on a day you can both agree on. Make sure to answer this email to get more details about your interview.

“Nani!? THE FUCK?” sure as hell that your eyes and cognitive functions were deceiving you (ADHD) you went over the text a little over three times in a row before the message settled in your mind. This was sus. 

Before even considering a reply you made a quick call. “Fucking Lee Chaeryeong” you spat on your end of the line. “You did this, didn’t you?”.

Her silence was more than enough to have you cursing her under your breath. “I don’t know what exactly you’re talking about but it most likely was me. Does it have to do with a sex toy in particular?”

“No” you denied almost monotonously, guessing the pile of boxes in the corner of your room with her names on them was what she referred to. “Does anything come to mind if i mention BIGHIT FUCKING ENTERTAINMENT?”

It was her. All those conversations during the summer about how badly you wanted to work in the entertainment business as marketing staff of some sort had their effect on your friend, who, despite all your excuses and denials, knew you better than you and your mom combined did, and because of this, was sure as hell you were not making a move towards that goal whatsoever. So, being the boss bitch she was, she took matters into her own hands, was what she explained.

You concluded that was the reason you had reached a point in your life where you had more experience than most recently graduated kids in your field, because Chaeryeong had you moving every summer break. You had been the manager of a coffee franchise and convenience store during you junior and senior years, and also figured a way to improve the marketing management strategy of a fucking restaurant while at it. Not to toot your own horn, but you were kind of cool.

Or not. “I hope this job satisfies your workaholic ass for once, I’m running out of ideas”. Chaeryeong spat before hanging up.

Sure as hell it would. 

On friday afternoon, you made your way to the HYBE INSIGHT building and introduced yourself to your recruiters who promised to give you a call at some point. “It went fine” you told Chaeryeong once you were in your car. And it was the truth, however you weren’t so sure if they would actually hire you at some point since well, you were a girl in a male dominated industry and, in your opinion, there were always better people than you. “Wanna go grab coffee?”

“I want to. But, I have practice today. I’m actually on my way there. Please avoid driving through Hongdae today, this shit’s packed.” You sighed and thanked her for the heads up. You missed your friend, badly. You hadn’t seen each other in three weeks, and you didn’t even live so far away from each other (you did, but it had been worse before). You two had very agitated lives to say the least. Chaeryeong was a kpop group member, and well, you were jumping from job to job and getting your phD in Business Management at the same time. It was hard to find moments to spare together during some periods of the year, but you guess the anticipation made your encounters better.

“Talk about anticipation” you slammed your forehead against your desk, taking a breather after such an anxiety packed situation. Short story: you got the job (for some fucking reason). And you had gone through a whole week of expectancy and anguish. Not getting that job would have broken your heart, and ego at the same time. 

You guessed the law of attraction tactics Chaeryeong had taught you had sorted their effect and were what led you to your current position in life.

“Miss _____, your presentation’s ready” your work assistant gave you a comforting pat in the back as she took a seat somewhere next to you. You were nervous, shitless. It was your fifth week at the job, and being the proactive woman you were, you had collected lots of data in order to come up with a resources management plan.

It was a Thursday afternoon, and more than a hundred people sat in front of you, waiting for your speech. Including him, who you’d once bumped into accidentally during one of your data recollections runs inside the building. 

You hated having the need to impress others yet, hence your anxious behaviour. But this was a decisive moment in regards to your validation in your new job and how you’d continue to be perceived during your work stance (no reason to panic at all)… you needed to get it together.

“I think I just pissed off a bunch of old men right now,” you told your assistant right after you got off stage. “I need a bathroom break”. Linh gave you a reassuring smile, one she always had plastered on her face.

“Take as long as you need to. I’ll give you a call once the rest are done”.

The commute to the bathroom was unnecessarily complicated in your opinion. You had spent a little over a month rushing through the hallways of the building and you swore every single day your spatial orientation got a bit more fucked up. There was no way there wasn’t a single bathroom on the floor you were in, that would just be atrocious. “It’s not completed yet” someone said beside you as you stared at the half empty map the company had projected on a wall next to the elevators. “Where do you need to go?” 

Kim Taehyung of all people in the world was talking to your ugly and unworthy ass. Your breath caught in your throat and after staring for at least five seconds your body finally reacted to your orders. “Oh, um… the bathroom. I’ve been looking for it for a good ten minutes” you explained with a nervous laugh.

“Trust me, I get it. I still get lost over here” he smiled gently. “It’s in the hallway in the middle of the next hallway” 

You laughed at his very ambiguous explanation. “Thank you” you bowed your head and made your way to said destination.

It was in the hallway to your left, not your right, and it took you a while to figure out that new piece of information. Once you were staring at yourself in the mirror, you realized that you looked considerably tired and exhausted from all the social interaction you had undergone throughout the day. You were used to the side stares and whispering you’d get whenever you entered a room at that point, but some days you just wished you could get a break from them. After all, it wasn’t your fault you didn’t look Korean at all, and that you also didn’t fit the stereotype of a foreigner.

You got that from your mom, both the non Korean features and social fatigue. But that wasn’t even the problem most of the time, it was your friendly and smart nature which she had also passed onto you. Some would consider it a blessing, but to you it was a burden, like a clear glass that shielded you from introducing yourself into other people’s realities. You had few friends and people to trust, but in your everyday life you had to deal with the pressure of standing out too much and that came with a lot of negative energy from others. You sigh as you spray your favorite fragrance on yourself. You could be feeling like shit, but no one will ever catch you slipping.

But that excluded him apparently. You hadn’t noticed that on the other side of the hallway was the men’s bathroom and the realization hit you as you were calmly getting some tea from the vending machine. “Good afternoon” the man greeted you as he made his way out the hallway, but stopped in his tracks right after he noticed you. “_____! Hi” he smiled at you and you wanted to die, suddenly forgetting what you were ordering in the first place.

“H-hi Jungkook” You smiled back, poorly attempting to put your wallet back into your backpack. 

“Need help there?” he noticed your agitated state and held your bag for you. He smelled just as heavenly as you had expected, somewhat between big dick energy and flowers. Oh, and he also remained as kind and polite as you remembered him.

Seeming as if he wasn’t planning on continuing his path to wherever he was heading to in the first place, he stood quietly by your side, waiting for you to be done with your deal. “How have you been?” you break the ice for him.

Quickly, you grab your tea and start walking back to the auditorium together, unaware of your surroundings or the suspicions that could arise. “Busy, but very good. How have you been? I saw your presentation earlier… I wish I understood half of what you said but you still sounded amazing”.

And you would never admit it out loud, but you were positive you were blushing (and falling in love too - platonically, of course). “Oh god, you think so? I basically told them they’ve been doing things wrong all along so maybe you’re the only one who’s appreciative of my work” you handed him the second can of iced tea you bought without him noticing. You swear his eyes lit up like stars in the night sky. “Payback for the other day” you smile at him.

The first time you two had crossed paths you didn’t look nearly as glamorous as you did now. In fact, you looked incredibly disturbed and in pain, carrying a huge pile of paperwork in your hands. But as soon as sweet Jungkook noticed your state, he offered you a hand and somehow ended up helping through your multiple data collecting trips that afternoon. It was a nice day.

“Anytime” he took the can in his hands with a shy look on his face. “Unless I’m practicing, you know…” you look down at his feet, with huge black boots engulfing them, and you smile due to their contrast with his personality. “Here, i’ll give you my number so you can call me whenever you need to put all those papers back. Hopefully I’ll be around” he added as he pulled his phone from his back pocket.

Way to get a girl’s number, my god.

#jungkook #jungkook fic #jungkook drabble #jungkook smut #jungkook imagine #bts fic #bts imagine #idol au #bts x reader #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #bts series #jungkook series #bts smut #jeon jungkook smut #jjk fic #jjk smut #jeon jungkook fluff #i hope this is likeable #i'll update whenever inspiration hits i guess #welcome to the journey pals #feel free to lemme know if there are any mistakes <3 #i don't know how to edit shit #im scared i hope u like this

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E123 (Feb. 2, 2021)

After last week’s thoroughly relaxing and brief episode, tonight’s guests are Sam Riegel and Liam O’Brien!

Brian, to Sam: “You look like Tim Curry moved to Nantucket to become a sommelier.”

How did Caleb and Veth approach the ally-ship with the Tombtakers? Sam: “I mean, we got some information, and I think we got a little closer to Lucien and knowing whether he has any of Mollymauk inside of him, which is I think the most important knowledge that we’re seeking right now. Is there someone to be saved inside there? We got glimpses, and we got a little hint that Mollymauk is maybe still in there? Maybe? And we got a little more insight into their plans, so that was useful.” Liam: “We know why we were having that fucking dream.” Sam: “But other than that, it was just a road trip with assholes.” Liam: “All our plans have been ripped in a new direction, and it’s just been improvisation.” Sam notes that it feels like we’re always about to rip into Caleb’s backstory, but haven’t yet followed that thread all the way through. Liam: “It’s partially frustrating, to be sure, but also I like the idea that-- his whole shit has been selfish, it’s been dealing with the trauma that he’s been through and not the greater world, and that’s been shifting somewhat.”

Does Caleb think the book was worth it, and is he still interested in reading more? Sam: “How do you ask Caleb not to read a book?” Liam: “Caleb has spent enough time with the Nein to know you shouldn’t put a hand on a hot stove. After what happened with the book, he knows it’s a terrible idea. But maybe. But it’s a really bad idea. But reserve judgment, but it’s a really terrible idea. I think that Caleb is very aware that mages and people like him very easily fall prey to their curiosity and it can lead to bad places. But there is still that amount of scientific endeavor where you think there is value in knowing and learning, and maybe we can ride that line. He was True Neutral at the start of the campaign, and maybe he’s Chaotic Good now, but part of him is hubris, even if it’s a little bit, still.”

What about Otis has drawn Veth’s focus? Sam: “I mean, he’s a little shit. She was curious about Otis because he’s a small like she is, and in talking to him, he seemed to be real creepy, but he was just creepy and distant and didn’t value his past or family or anything like that. She sees someone who’s like her, but so not like her, and maybe that scares her a little bit more.”

How does Caleb feel about Beau being on this ride with him? Liam: “The dream is another example of how Caleb had very narrow vision of the things he wanted to do. It used to seem so massive to him, but now... To have Beauregard involved feels right. If anyone in the group is going to stop him from grabbing something he shouldn’t, it is probably Beauregard. She’ll punch him in the fucking face to stop him, which I think he needs, to a certain extent. They’re two different kinds of nerds, and I kind of like that, that this group of nine philosophers, they’ve reached out and somehow grabbed the two nerds in the party.”

How do Caleb and Veth see the Somnovum? Sam: “I mean, they seem real bad. Anything that’s a quorum of powerful entities heading towards your planet to unleash an energy of any kind, typically bad? I assume they’re bad, or at least the Tombtakers wish them to do ill.” Liam: “I think they want the kind of peace that comes from snapping your fingers and turning people to dust. Caleb sees them as a cautionary tale; they’re the worst-case scenario for arcane inquisitiveness.” He sees Allura Vysoren as the antidote to that.

Why the staunch refusal to use Halfling Luck? Sam: “I don’t like Luck! I just don’t like Luck. I think it’s cheap, I think it’s a cheat, I think it’s stupid. It just feels like a do-over.” Liam: “I am your antithesis! If I ever voice a halfling, I am going to hammer that feature!” Sam: “What I love about D&D is that you don’t know what’s going to happen. If you roll bad, okay, that’s it. If you roll well, it makes the success more enjoyable to know that it’s a pure success and don’t one where you’re like well actually... it’s so stupid. If someone was about to die, I would probably use the fuckin’ Luck feature. Well. It depends who. If it was Travis, yeah, no, he’s fucked, sorry.”

Liam drops that he’s picked Sam’s character class and race again for a hypothetical campaign three. Sam: “It’s not what I was thinking for future characters, but I’m excited to explore.”

Cosplay of the Week: an amazing Mollymauk by KatofValkyrie!

What was it like to bring the Tombtakers into the tower? Liam: “It is complicated, because he does not like him. Lucien’s just a fucking dick. But Caleb also knows that Molly’s in there somewhere. That tower’s only for the M9, and Lucien’s not in the M9. Their situation with these people is shitty, it’s terrible. Caleb doesn’t feel like they have the upper hand. He doesn’t like that they’re even going on this journey per se, because life is bigger than his bullshit. He feels like they’ve been losing over and over again, so it was a gamble to try to get on equal footing.

What spurred Veth into making sure she and Yasha have some one-on-one time? Sam: “Yasha hasn’t been getting a lot of moments to shine. Now that she’s back, I just got the impression that Yasha feels out of place sometimes, or timid, or unsure of herself. When Veth was Nott, Nott certainly had her share of those moments. I think she sees a kindred spirit and wants to make sure that she’s been giving all the opportunity she can to flourish and thrive. Dani, you’re just laughing at my mustache, aren’t you?” Dani: “Yes, that’s the only thing I’m laughing at through this whole bullshit.” Sam denies all knowledge of trolling, but eventually admits, on the topic of Yasha and Beau getting together: “They’ve made me wait this long... I’m going to make them wait a little bit longer!”

What was it like to show his friends the upper floors? Liam: “I kinda expected somebody to sneak up there before that. That being part of the tower is not even a conscious choice of his, it just is. The reason Caduceus has creeped Caleb out for a long time is because he talks about how-- Caduceus is a really kind person and wants Caleb to let go of the past. And in a really simplistic way, turn that frown upside-down. And that’s just not who Caleb is, and it’s not who everybody is. There is something to be said for trying to stay open and positivity, but thinking you can shut out the past, especially a traumatic one, is just not true. When things happen to us, we carry them. But to candy-coat it and say, ah, I’m free, or everything is good, or I’ve turned the corner... life is way messier than that. It’s not flipping a switch, it’s not bad-to-good, it is such a work in progress. Even when you make strides and start to get to a better place, you can backslide a lot. So the tower is who he is, and the tower is 7/9ths love for his friends, and 1/9th hope, but there’s still a percentage of him that carries everything from the past, and knows that he should, and knows that he should not go back to where he was. And the way to do that is not to say everything is rainbows, but to remember it. The tower is just like an extension of who he is. He’s never going to forget the past, and he’s never going to be like, I’m good, or I’ve turned a corner. He should remember the past, and he should do better, always.”

Does Veth still believe it’s possible to get Molly back? Sam: “Well, she was a person trapped in another body for many years, so has some experience there, and definitely believes that the spirit and soul of Molly is in there and just needs to be unlocked somehow.”

Fan Art of the Week: an amazing group shot by HarpySN!

How are Caleb and Veth dealing with their guilt and fear about being in the middle of this? Sam: “It definitely was a deep conversation that might have repercussions going forward. The problem with all of what we’re doing now is that we don’t have time to deal with our petty problems anymore. It’s all high tension all the time!” Liam: “It’s true; they’re not in control of their situation at all anymore.” Sam: “It’s good to have these check-ins, but it’s not like we can do anything about them. We’re reactive right now.” Liam: “He’s not happy with where they are, but they wouldn’t even be this far if the goblin hadn’t pulled him out of the mud. So part of it is, you saved me from where I was and got me on my feet again, and now it’s disconcerting to see it all just get knocked sideways by something he never could’ve predicted. I think Caleb felt nostalgic for when things were simpler, in a way, for them, when we’re both troubled drifters.”

What was it like to see Gelidon’s return? Liam: “I am the least superstitious person at the table. Ashley’s dice suck.” Sam: “It was fun fighting a dragon!” Liam: “Two massive battles in one episode, neither of which came away with a victory. I guess surviving is a victory.” Sam: “I’d forgotten about the dragon, honestly.” Liam: “I loved it. I was so upset at the idea that we were going to stealth and not get into it.”Sam: “Mercer doesn’t keep a live dragon around and not do something with it. That dragon’s coming back.”

How do Caleb and Veth feel about going to see Essek? Sam: “He can be very helpful, I believe, but as Sam Riegel, a player of D&D, I’m super suspicious. What the fuck is Essek doing up there, so close, now? I don’t trust him as far as I can throw him. And I can throw him pretty far because he floats.” Liam: “I 100% agree with you. I do not understand what Essek could bring to what we are going through. I know the audience loves him, I love him too. He’s a really cool character. But he’s fucking toxic. He out of curiosity caused a war between two nations. And Caleb has been changed for the good by the M9 from months of travel with them. Essek has had none of that. Caleb has changed for the good, but not because of people like Essek. Essek is where Caleb came from. We kept the lid on the pot during the whole treaty at sea and it almost all went fucking sideways, and only because we pressed him into a corner. I hope that guy finds some sort of balance and peace for himself, but I do not see how his input here would be helpful. There’s other heavy hitters that I would try to pull in.”

Liam notes that the Cloven Crystal is in the Bag of Holding. Sam: “Do I have Fluffernutter, or is Fluffernutter gone?” Liam: “Nope. 300 pounds of fireworks? Gone. A dead mage, a threshold crest, and fireworks.” Dani: “Your basic essentials.”

#critical role #critical role spoilers #talks machina #talks machina spoilers #long text post

[popopretty]

Storm Bringer Spoilers (2)

I translated another part from the novel to give a bit more insights on Dazai’s scheme this time. This time from the perspective of Adam, the AI inspector. Even though it may sound contradictory to what Dazai told Verlaine before, I personally think that they were not all lies, which is kinda sad and terrifying at the same time. 

Feel free to re-translate it if you want. Just note that I am not 100% confident with my translation and some of the meanings might be lost through bridge-translation. 

[CODE;03] 

....

A rain of bullets flew towards me. I opened the shock-resistant shield from my forearm. This shield is like an umbrella. It is coated by a superalloy that is resistant to heat and shock. It can ward off most small-scale mass attacks. It is a custom-made product that was designed to withstand the high energy of Arahabaki. All the full metal jacket bullet slid through the surface of the shield and landed behind me. Three shots didn’t slide but stopped when touching the surface, peeling off the alloy surface with their kinetic energy. But the damage was minor.

I leapt with my shield still raising. I stepped on the soldiers’ rifles and did a double leap. Upon landing at the wall behind them, I bounced back and hit them from the back. It was a light attack that can break some ribs, I knew it from the sensor. First one down. While I was still above the soldiers, I bent my leg like a sickle and swept the legs of another one, knocking him off the ground. When he fell down, I injected him with a dose of medicine from the needle on my finger. That made two.

However, while I was busy suppressing these two soldiers, the other one had more than enough time to raise their guns. Three of them were aiming at me. My hands were both on the floor and bearing my body weight, I couldn’t raise my shield. I did a high-speed search for a countermeasure. None of them would make it in time. 

I ended up not needing a countermeasure. 

The soldiers spasmed with the sound from an electric shock and dropped their guns. After a few seconds of agony, they lost their strength and collapsed.

I didn’t do anything. 

Behind the soldiers, from the corridor on the other side of the door, I saw the savior who saved my day. That was someone I really didn’t expect.

“How boring.”, that person said as he lowered his Taser gun. “You use electric to knock down people, but all they do is to collapse. Boring.”

“You are... Port Mafia’s...”

Dazai Osamu.

The person who brought Chuuya-sama to the Port Mafia. 

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Inspector. Where is Chuuya?”

The boy of the same age as Chuuya-sama asked me, as he threw off the Taser gun. 

“Chuuya-sama is...”

“Well, based on the time, has he been caught? Or is it about time he was rescued?” Dazai-san walked over the unconscious soldiers and came towards me. “If that’s the case then it’s not fun at all. I couldn’t see Chuuya weeping when he was tortured.”

“Tortured? Chuuya-sama?”

So Chuuya-sama was captured and tortured? It’s possible. But how can this boy know all of that? Why is he here in the first place? If I remember correctly, Dazai-san is the nullification ability user, the trump card against Verlaine. And I am pretty sure we tried to contact him because of that but couldn’t get through at all. So why is he here, right now?

“You will ask me why I came. I will answer, “Because it is a part of the plan.”. You will ask me what the plan is. And I will answer, “Everything. From the beginning to the end, I have this whole Verlaine incident in the palm of my hand. And then you will ask what I mean by that.”

In order to understand what Dazai-san said, I analyzed the information with high priority by my processor. However, Dazai-san’s thinking was even faster than that. I had to give it my best just to catch up with him.

“I will then say, everything literally means everything. All Verlaine’s targets, including the detective and the researcher, were decided based on the information that I gave him. It means his assassination planning procedure is also my procedure. Now you will ask me, “Why did you do such a thing?”” 

That’s it. That’s exactly what I want to know. What Dazai-san said just now strongly suggested that he had joined hands with Verlaine. There is a high possibility that he was the one who pulled the strings behind the death of the detective, and Chuuya-sama’s current serious situation. In another word, betrayal. Depending on his response, it might become another battle here. 

However, Dazai-san’s final answer was far beyond my expectation. 

“To buy time, before Verlaine could get to his final target. His final target is Port Mafia’s Boss, Mori Ougai. Mori san was supposed to be the first in his list, but thanks to me handing him the list, he has been changed to the last one. Thanks to the time I have bought, I am almost done with a plan to reverse-assassinate him. But before that, I have one last thing to finish.”, Dazai-san said with a smile as he reached out his hand and helped me get up. 

Then he stared into the middle of nowhere, and said with the eyes of a wizard who could see through everything, “Chuuya will kill N at this rate. Then he will cease to be human. But I want to see Chuuya suffering as a human. So I’m going to stop him.”

***

The alarm went off as if the disaster that will destroy the world has finally come. The emergency lights went red and the scene of the facility changed completely. It is like we were inside a monster’s stomach. The wireless feeds were released to all the general staff and the warnings were being called repeatedly on all lines.  

Intruders in the Lab area. The internal information staff are to dispose of the prescribed materials and leave the premise immediately. The operation staff are to be ready for action with first-class equipment. This is not a drill. This is not a drill.

I continued my work, while removing the noisy warnings from my hearing options. We pushed the unconscious Shirase-san into the equipment storage room. I closed the door and applied the electric lock.

“I have changed the lock here into the time-varying encryption type. That way, Shirase-san will be safe for a while.”

“Thank you. Next is Chuuya.”, Dazai-san said so then walked away as if he didn’t care about Shirase-san at all.

“Please wait, Dazai-san.”, I called out to him. “About Chuuya-sama, you just said “as a human being”? Do you know if Chuuya-sama is a human or not?”

I somehow had a strange expectation that a person like him would know the truth. I didn’t have any reasons, but I felt that. It’s human’s arrogance to think that intuition and inspiration do not exist for us machines. If it’s something humans can do, then I can do it too. 

“I don’t know.”, Dazai-san said simply. But his eyes slightly narrowed like he was having some deep thoughts. “Both N and Verlained said that Chuuya was not human. But I think there is more than that. Because I have read this notebook, this Rimbaud’s Memoir. To some extents, the incidents this time all started from this memoir.”, Dazai-san said, taking out an old leather-bound notebook from his pocket.

Rimbaud’s Memoir!

I quickly scanned the notebook that Dazai-san had. This might be the real thing. This might be. Rimbaud’s Memoir is a kind of journal that the dead spy Rimbaud kept in secret before his mission. It contains information related to the spy missions during the Great War, so even though there were rumors about it, there was no information that it has ever been found. 

“Just what have you done to get your hand on that?”

“You can try to ask, but I will just tell you lies anyway. Because I am a liar.”

A mysterious smile appeared on Dazai-san’s face. I ran him through my lie detector sensors but there was no responses. His vital signs are almost the same as of a sleeping person. The output data is too normal for such a condition. This is not normal. Just who in the world is this boy?

“We do not really have time to hold a tea party and chat here. We have to find Chuuya first.”, Dazai-san scratched the back of his neck and said with a dim voice. 

“How can we find him?”

“Finding Chuuya is always easy.”, Dazai-san smiled as if he already saw through everything. “We just look in the direction with the loudest noise.” 

....

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #storm bringer #spoilers #bsd spoilers #dazai osamu #nakahara chuuya #adam frankenstein