#who gets the computer first. who gets to shower first. ect

[seeds-of-life-daily]

Day 59 Those who fail to learn from history

#neon genesis evangelion #rei ayanami #kaworu nagisa #asuka langley soryu #shinji ikari #hey it's another comic! #This is usually how most of their debates end on who gets to do stuff first #who gets the computer first. who gets to shower first. ect #Everyone thinks their the ideal form of sibling until one of them gets stabbed by a fork

[cosmichighpriestess]

Divine Feminines,

This may trigger some people, ((so major trigger warning)) I am not here to sugarcoat spiritual guidance and relationship lessons though I come from a loving space always. I am just sharing my wisdom to the Divine Feminine collective to protect them and show them how to spot a provider Divine Masculine. Switch your terms as you or they identify.

A true Divine Masculine is more difficult to spot because you cannot judge a book by its cover. Do not expect him to be the most romantic and charming masculine. Although he may be more romantic than you. The true Divine Masculine is more focused on providing, building, and showing his Divine Feminine through actions how he feels about the feminine. Do not expect him to be using his words all the time. Remember a Divine Masculine can be in a female body and a Divine Feminine can be in a male body. There are more than two genders, replace what you identify as you see yourself. The Divine Masculine is more action based and he's not interested in looking his best all the time, that's where you come in and nurture him to treat him like a King. The true Divine Masculine is going to be very careful about not scaring you away upon first meeting. He is not going to jeopardize scaring you away by doing something to turn you off, like rushing you, like treating you like an option, like touching you too soon when you're not ready, like not paying for dinner ect. He's going to be on his best behavior while still showing you who he is.

A feminine energy man is a smooth talker, he's a charmer and he's going to be writing you long text messages, calling you, showering you with compliments in the beginning, and he's all talk --no action. He's on his Xbox or computer, replying back, thinking I'm going to sleep with her get what I want soon. Ignore the talking stage. He should be setting up romantic dinners, picking the place himself based off your preference and if he's texting you obsessively, instead of taking you out, you'll know he's a feminized man. How you can spot a feminized man is yes he's a talker, he's focused on status, he's asking you what you do for work so he can judge you and use you for money. A real masculine doesn't care how much money you have. He already needs to be your provider. If you have a career or job, he's supportive if it makes you happy, but would never ask you to pay any bill. He's laser focused on attaining you and he's asking you deep thoughtful questions on a first date. A feminized man is watching a lot of porn (which requires no work or challenge keeping him in his feminine energy not attracting but repelling) and drinking a lot of alcohol (both feminize men, lowering testosterone levels) not knowing he's repelling all women away from him with that creepy energy he's unaware of. He's focused on, "what can I get, how can I use this person.." He feels lack within himself.

The feminine energy man will be very focused on manipulating and controlling you so that he can use you in anyway he can to get his needs met. The feminine energy man believes that control comes from external means which is false, fear based third dimensional thinking, true control comes from within. He's insecure in himself, he's needy, he's blaming you and everyone around him which is automatically repelling women away. He's very focused on his looks and what kind of car he drives. From the outside he/they may look masculine, but he/they truly believes you're there to heal his mother wound and he will treat you like you're his mother. (How romantic). Expect the relationship to go downhill after three months of dating, because his goal was to use you from the beginning, it was never to provide for you and love you correctly.

The good news is when you are properly operating in your Feminine energy and he is in his masculine energy, you will be drawn together like magnets. But first the Universe will give you more of the old energies you're used to to see if you've really evolved or not. So it's important to see the red flags first so you are not as the woman/feminine energy, operating in your masculine energy all the time. It's okay to be in it sometimes, but you need to create a healthy balance, otherwise you will find yourself becoming irritated, exhausted, angry and resentful. If you start leading him, pursuing him, chasing him you will switch roles and you will end up becoming his provider and substitute for his mother wound.

If you ever meet His/their mother or parents, or people that raised them, you are under NO obligation to obey his parents, you are NOT their new daughter, you have your own voice and decisions to make, you are not their new supply to abuse. He/they should NOT expect you to listen to his mother especially if she's disrespectful to you. He should always defend you. Always, articulate your feelings with your Divine masculine, instead of being passive aggressive, instead of saying nothing is wrong and that you are fine. You are not fine, use your words with him to stay in your feminine energy. Tell him exactly what's wrong and if he is a mature masculine, he will find a way to solve the problem if he really cares about your feelings.

If he has a mother wound, and you become his replacement for that mother wound you will become repelled by each other. He will start cheating on you, treating you like yesterday's trash. Instead, inspire him, share your soul with him, appreciate him, and when he leads you for example picking a restaurant to eat at instead of waiting for you to lead him, you will say, thank you for picking a place to eat for us and taking the initiative. That's leading, he's in his masculine energy making you feel protected, safe, loved, taken care of and led. If someone is manifesting you and you have multiple thoughts about them throughout the day, you'll know and you must never reach out first. They must take physical action in the 3d by texting or calling you first, because that's expecting you to do the work and lead by reaching out first. Never ever reach out to him if he's manifesting you. He's in his feminine, not in his Divine Masculine King Energy by making you chase him, no he's thinking he's the girl, he's the Divine Feminine playing your role. Just ignore him. A person or man is not your responsibility, he's not your child, do not try to control him. If he can't make decisions for himself, or he makes immature decisions that means he's not ready for a Divine Union.

The feminine energy man is going to expect you to make all decisions for yourself and him. He's going to expect you to do all the work. Never ever do this, always stay in receiving mode. Expect him to call you the villain when you start loving yourself fully, this has nothing to do with you. You are doing yourself a disservice by people pleasing him. Expect the feminine energy man to be dishonest, impatient, losing his temper often, abusive, will never protect you, never takes accountability for his lower vibrational actions ect.

The Divine Masculine is the opposite of course, he's taking steps to heal himself, he's truthful even if the truth hurts, he's very protective of you, he/they would NEVER raise a hand to you, he never cheats on you, he/they will always stick up for you, he/they will go out of his way to make you happy, he is never in competition with you, he will always compromise with you, he is very passionate about you, he/they will never put you down, he/they believe you the first time, he/they never blames anyone for his faults, he/they knows he's not perfect, he provides, he is stable and grounded, he's not selfish, he celebrates you, he fights for you always and he/they always takes accountability for his actions and cares about you deeply.

If you want to experience that Divine love that you so desire, you have to create and experience that Divine union with yourself first, the Divine union is always with yourself first. To truly understand Divine love you have to BE the love you desire to receive. Romance yourself first, everyday in everyway and you will automatically attract a Divine love reflection of the love you have for yourself.

#Rose messages

[eternalmagick]

Apocalypse Challenge

I couldn't make my mind up on which apocalypse challenge to do so I combined at least 3 of them together and added my own dumb rule to it as well, credit will be posted below. If it's too much of a jumbled mess the original challenges are linked as well :) I changed the chance spin wheel into a d20 instead for fun so you can roll with your own dice or using the app :)

After a virus outbreak the government tries, and fails, to use low level radiation to eradicate it. You, an explorer, decide to travel to Sulani with hope of finding fresh resources on the abundant island. Once you get there by boat you crash land and arrive at the admiral's wreckage, already off to a rough start fortunately you meet a fellow survivor there, a scientist who is researching the site and searching for clues to a cure. Resources expended and boat crashed you make the best of what you have left. Start this challenge on the admirals wreckage lot. (you can start in any small lot/basic house that is off the grid if you don't have island living) The challenge trait must be set to off the grid and replace stove with grill use only the fish option.(if you don't have cottage living then do not use electrical components until you advance in your careers, use a grill to cook with ect). The explorer can only go outside while wearing a hazmat/beekeeper/astronaut suit so be sure to have one in outfits.

To make this challenge more realistic you may delete the other townies and create your own. There will be mutants from the radiation, apocalyptic looking survivors, and bandits. You can give the bandits the kleptomaniac trait. I will be creating a world just for the bandits to retreat to. I'm also slowly adding apocalyptic buildings to my worlds.

Begin a new game. Do this by selecting the + at the top of the main menu and selecting New Game.

Start your household with the explorer and the scientist (start career once moved into admirals wreckage lot. you may use cheat freerealestate on for this part

Then create at least 2 "career survivors", teen or adult, then place them in separate lots if possible (you will eventually move 2 of those created into a vault with scientist and explorer) Your first goal will be to have your explorer sim find the 2 career survivors in the world. you may not visit their home lots or invite them over using phone. you must find them organically by seeing them out roaming the world and interacting with them. Once you have found 2 career survivors and interacted with them you may proceed to move them into the vault. then move yourself into the vault. (This part is optional i only added it in because i thought it could be fun to find them first, you can just move all 4 members into the vault right away. instead of explorer finding them first)

Give them careers from the list down below after vault info. they are allowed to leave for work only. Once you start your game and have them move into the vault you will be able to have them max out multiple careers which will lift the restrictions and unlock resources for all sims in your household. All restrictions apply from all careers till lifted. The next generations may also help lift restrictions and all previous restrictions remain lifted throughout the generations.

The vault

Add items to the vault up as you lift restrictions by adding things such as gardens stoves plumbing , electric, gym, ect. You can not buy a luxury item unless a scenario from the dice of chance says to, dice chance game listed after restrictions. Luxury items consist of TVs, Microphones, Computers, Bookshelves, sofas, on the grid showers. (Note on computer usage Tech gurus may use computer only for work related purposes and this one does not count as your luxury item for the dice chance game if bandits rob you, after the restriction is lifted everyone may use the computer and it will be considered luxury) Keep in mind you start out off the grid until you lift electricity restriction.

credit for the following here

Build The Vault on 50x50 or 50x30 lot, It needs to have space for at least *Kitchen *Dining *Living area *Bedrooms *skill building rooms *Garden/ Plant room * Medical bay *Store room *gym *toilets/bathrooms add any other rooms you feel would help your Survivors.

you may use freerealestate on cheat to move into vault free then turn it off once members are moved in.

Using Money cheat add $30,000 to family funds. This is so bills can be paid for around 4 sim weeks after that you are on your own.

The Career Specific Restrictions

credit for the following here I edited a few things to fit the setting and deleted others.

Tech Guru – Startup

The world has pretty much given up on the city as a lost cause. A few humanitarian suppliers risk the journey in, but they only offer the most basic and meager of furnishings. The region used to be host to some high tech industry, but all of that is abandoned. The little luxuries in life are the last thing on everyone’s list.

Only the worst version of any item class may be purchased or used. For the purposes of this restriction, single and double beds are two different item classes. If another restriction outright restricts an entire item class, that restriction takes priority until it is lifted, even if you lift this restriction.

(Essentially, you can only use the item of each category with the worst stats. If more than one item shares the equally low stats you may choose between them. If an item class has no stats at all (Like doors) You may use any item in that class. you can not buy a luxury item unless a scenario from the dice of chance says to. Luxury items: Luxury items consist of TVs, Microphones, Computers, Bookshelves, sofas, showers.

Completion

With a little legal maneuvering and some keen technical know-how, your Sim buys up and revives the previously abandoned high-tech factories in the area. Items made of better materials and constructed using advanced engineering techniques now become available in the region. regain plumbing.

Tech Guru – eSport Gamer

The  backbone servers and fiber optic cables that used to bring the internet to the region were fried during the meltdown. Now power is scarce, electronics are faulty and computers are crippled in their functionality. Cell phone towers were taken out too, crippling phone functionality to the region.

The computer may *only* be used for daily tasks required by a Sim’s job (if said daily task requires use of a computer) and nothing else. The cell phone may only be used to take or quit a job and cannot be used to play games, chat, text, prank, or invite other sims. TVs and electronic notebooks may not be purchased or used either.

Completion

Fed up with their jury-rigged connection to the outside world, your Sim takes their network connectivity know-how and leads a community effort to restore servers, cell towers, and reconnects the fiber optics. Suddenly, internet speeds are 10 times that of the rest of Sim Nation. Handy not having an ISP monopoly. Regain electricity.

Business – Investor

Commerce and trade used to be a cornerstone of the Sulani region. All of that is in shambles now. While there are some companies importing some basic survival items into the region, nobody is bothering to try and export anything. The assumption that there is nothing of value to export and that whatever is exported might be tainted with the lingering radiation means that nothing of value is leaving the region, and very little money is flowing back in.

You cannot sell Buy/Build mode items or collected/harvested items. Cannot do any interactions with the Geo Council for found items. Cannot publish books (You may self-publish) or songs. Cannot write and sell Jingles.

Completion

The region is ripe with opportunity and your Sim sees this. Flush with cash and strong with clout, your sim convinces a major shipping company to invest in the region, publishing the stories of the survivors, buying excess goods to re-sell as “Survivor Vintage”, and to labs for scientific study. While the new company makes a mint on this new opportunity, it also opens the door for some much needed cash to flow into the pockets of those living there. A true win/win for everyone involved.

Business – Management

It is amazing that some companies have remained in the region. But it soon becomes clear that most of them are taking advantage of the situation and labor standards are being ignored to the detriment of the workers. With unemployment so high, bosses feel free to use and abuse their workers and fire them on a whim knowing they can be easily replaced.

You may not take any days off, either as vacation OR family leave. If your Sim misses work, is late for work or leaves work early they must quit the job and may not re-take the same career ever. If a Sim voluntarily quits their job, or switches to a new job, that Sim may never re-take their old job. Elder Sims may not retire. Sims cannot ‘play hookey’. These restrictions do not apply to the grade school or high school “careers” but DO apply to any after-school teenage careers taken. While at work, you must choose either work normally or “Work Hard” as your Sim’s work mode and may not choose any other work modes.

Note: Sims who have the “Professional Slacker” trait are exempt from this restriction

Completion

Haven risen through the ranks of the business world, your Sim declares that the practice of mistreating workers must end. Your sim’s company has enough business and legal connections to other businesses in the region and pressures other businesses in the region to do the same. Working conditions for everyone improve overnight.

Culinary – Chef

The destruction in the region has cut gas lines and made the electricity grid very unstable. As a result, gas and electrical appliances can’t be relied on to cook and preserve food. The citizens of the area are forced to resort to more primitive cooking methods and living off the land to stave off starvation.

You may not purchase, place, or use any refrigerators, stoves, ovens, or microwave ovens or coolers. Non-fish items may not be cooked on grilled on fire pits. If you do not have the Outdoor Retreat game pack, you may make non-fish items on the grill, but must move a fish in your inventory to the family inventory each time you cook a meal.

Completion

After breaking the Simmish Book of World Records for hosting the largest soup kitchen for the region, your culinary master Sim attracts the attention of the world’s most famous chefs. Seeing the plight of the region they form the global food fund to ship truckloads of fresh food to the region as well as repair the gas lines and electrical infrastructure, allowing the people of the region to once again make and eat good food.

Culinary – Mixologist

There is something in the water. In fact, there is something in all liquids that are made in the region. The radiation in the air seems to easily trickle into liquids making drinking anything a risky and unhealthy affair. Only the juices and liquids locked in fresh food seem to be safe, which is just enough to stave off total dehydration.

Sims may not drink any drinks made at a bar. They may not drink any Lifetime Happiness reward potions. They may not have drinks from a fridge or cooler and cannot brush their teeth at a sink. Newborns may not be bottle-fed. Your Sim may make drinks to practice, but you must throw them out.

Completion

After ages spent mixing drinks, trying to make something drinkable, your master Mixologist sim stumbles on a genius drink mix that, when added to any liquid, neutralizes the radiation and renders the liquid safe to drink. Cheap and easy to make, your Sim distributes this miracle drink mix to the whole region, allowing Sims everywhere to raise a glass and drink to their health.

Astronaut – Space Ranger

The radiation cloud released by the meltdown has taken the form of a dark and grim cloud, blocking out much of the sky and sunlight. The presence of the cloud makes sleeping outdoors unsafe and the lack of sunlight sets the entire region on edge, unable to appreciate the beauty of many objects around them.

All objects must be covered by four walls and a roof and sims may not sleep outdoors. Explorer may only travel to Granite Falls for 1 day (If you have the Outdoor Retreat Pack). Sims may not stargaze or cloud watch or use the telescope to watch the sky. You may not enable the mood auras on any mood aura objects. Tents may not be used. Mailboxes, Outdoor trash cans and rocket ships are all exempt from the “Must be covered by 4 walls and a roof” rule.

Completion

With a heroic mission in low orbit, your brave space ranger sim is able to harness the power of the solar winds to pull the radioactive cloud out of the atmosphere and send it into space, clearing the sky and letting the region breathe a little easier and actually see the sun once in a while. May use telescope again.

Astronaut – Interstellar Smuggler

The prototype designs for the next generation of objects was stolen from the region’s high tech industrial sector during the chaos and confusion of the meltdown. The knowledge of how to make those unique and special objects has been lost. Worse still, the blueprints for do-it-yourself improvements are missing, rendering the handy sims of the region clueless on how to improve the functionality.

Cannot place, sell, or use career reward objects. May not upgrade any objects other than rockets.

Completion

While your Interstellar Smuggler went on an epic quest to steal back the stolen plans, their efforts were ultimately in vain as the thieves were found dead and the laptop with the stolen plans broken beyond repair. Luckily all the gadgets, trinkets and high tech modifications your Sim developed while preparing for their mission were more than enough to replace the knowledge lost. Your Sim releases the plans to the region for all to use.

Painter – Master of the Real

Art has taken a back seat to survival. Who wants to look at drawings when one doesn’t know where their next meal will come from? Anyone who had artistic talent in the region has forgotten how to make emotionally powerful objects.

Your Sims may not paint mood-aura paintings. Handysims may not create emotional aura items on the workbench. (Items with just a plain environment score are not considered emotional aura items) Authors may not write emotional books.

Completion

Your Master of the Real realizes how to break through the tragic haze in the region and once again master their emotions and put that mastery into their creations allowing the region’s art scene to be revived and develop a unique style of its own.

Painter – Patron of the Arts

The outside world is largely cut off from those in the region. Given that there is no market for works of art within the region itself as your fellow survivors care more about food and shelter than pretty pictures, even the greatest masterpiece will go unheeded and the greatest artists unrewarded for their work.

You may not sell any Sim-produced objects. May not self-publish books

Completion

Having attracted the attention of major international art gallery using their connections, your Sim establishes an art auction house where the artists of the region can go to get real money for their works of art. There is a robust market for creations from the region as suffering and struggle felt by the artists of the region make for very memorable and valueble creations.

Writer – Author

The libraries and the bookstores are gone. Only stray books can be found these days. If your Sim wants to read more than the handful of books that come with new bookshelves, they had better hope they  know a local author or write one themselves.

You may not order books from bookshelves or online, and may not visit library lots (even if visiting other lots is otherwise allowed).

Completion

The written word is indeed powerful and your prolific author has penned enough books to restock the entire region and setup an ordering service for sims to buy books from the outside world. The money earned from all this is used to rebuild the regional libraries.

Writer – Journalist

The state of the region is terrible. The sanitation system is in ruins, medicine is scarce and the worst part is…the rest of the world doesn’t realize how bad it is. Rather than properly investigate the region, the major media outlets of the world have largely glossed over the events in Sulani. The rest of the world doesn’t know how bad it actually is and because of this few seem eager to lend a hand.

You may not purchase or use showers, tubs or, shower/tub combinations. When Woohooing, if the “Try for baby” option is available, you MUST choose it rather than Woohoo. May not ‘take pregnancy test’ on a toilet.

Completion

Your crack investigative journalist Sim manages to do a stellar piece. Gathering photos, quotes, events, and evidence of exactly how bad things have gotten in the region. They then release this to the world. International aid organizations spring into action. Doctors come to help out the sick and provide much needed pharmaceutical items, including birth control and pregnancy testing items. A joint effort quickly repairs the sewage and water sanitation systems, allowing clean…ish and free flowing water to return to everyone still living in the area.

Secret Agent – Diamond Agent

The radiation released by the meltdown wasn’t just your normal, run-of-the-mill radiation. The plant was experimental and the resulting radiation has had some…unique effects on those who were near the power plant when it blew. Mutants. And not just regular mutants, but RADIOACTIVE mutants roam the major streets. It is unclear what makes them tick or what they are after, but it is not safe to travel between neighborhoods, lest the mutant hordes get you. The thread of mutants have made people paranoid about letting anyone into their homes.

Sims may not visit community lots or enter neighborhood houses except explorer sim. This does not prevent Sims from leaving for work. May not move sims out of the household unless the scenario generator listed further down says to.

Completion

After infiltrating the mutant hordes and doing some acts of seduction that your Sim would rather not talk about, your Diamond Agent Sim finds the source of the mutant's power. The Evil Dr. Vu is controlling them and using the nuclear disaster as a cover. After destroying Vu’s nefarious device, the mutants all return to normal, leaving the streets clear and neighborhoods safe.

Entertainer – Musician

The people of the region have difficulty relaxing. Living in a nuclear hell-hole has a way of keeping you focused on the here and now. Music is seen as a waste of time and the local radio stations have all been destroyed in the disaster. People seem more set in their ways and stubborn to try new things or give into their changing impulses.

Sims may only only “Practice” instruments, and may not do any other interactions on them. They may not purchase or use any kinds of radios or stereos. You may not change a Sim’s aspiration, even if they have completed it (Other than the forced change going from childhood to teenager). You may not cancel whims.

Completion

With your Sim filling the air with beautiful music, the people of the region are inspired to rebuild the radio stations just so they can hear your Sim play. Hope is renewed and people feel more at ease and flexible in how they approach life.

Entertainer – Comedian

The people of the Sulani region are a depressed group, and rightfully so. But depression feeds more depression and people become more hesitant to gather together or even look at themselves in a mirror. Nobody laughs or feels they can make merry and everyone is on edge.

Sims may not throw parties and may not go on dates. They may not invite other Sims to their lot unless scenario further below says to. Sims may not use mirrors.

Completion

With a star comedian touring the region , the people of Sulani learn to laugh again even at themselves. People may still look like hell, but at least they are more comfortable joking about it. With everyone being a lot less self-conscious, people once again gather for events and are more comfortable joining others.

Criminal – Oracle

Things are bad, but they seem almost artificially bad. As if the universe was conspiring against the people of Sulani at the whim of some cruel otherworldly power. Sadly, the people of Sulaniare powerless to act upon this paranoid feeling and must go about their lives.

Sims may not use the move objects cheat. You must use the money cheat to remove any money brought in by a spouse moving in (if they bring any money in).

Completion

Your master hacker Sim manages to tap into the matrix. They almost go mad from the revelation. They are just a simulation, a computer program. And the state of the region is that way because of some ‘challenge’ being played. Unable to escape from the simulation, the orcacle finds little ways to get ahead and manipulate their player’s computer to make things easier for their family.

As an added bonus, upon lifting the Oracle restrictions, you may legally use the “Kaching” cheat once per Sim day (Other money cheats are still restricted)

Athlete – Professional Athlete

People feel hopeless in the region. The bare minimum is done and nobody thinks they can aspire to greatness. “Good Enough” is the attitude of the day and people think the days of role models and heroes is over.

You may not purchase any reward traits for your Sims.

Completion

After your professional athlete Sim organizes a brand new sport, “Sulani Ultra Caber Toss” in the ruins of the old Sulani Stadium, people from around the region come to either play or cheer on their favorite local teams. Heroes and sports idols emerge once again and people feel encouraged to give 110% and make themselves even better.

Athlete – Bodybuilder

The wave of radiation produced by the power plant turned many people into mutants. Those not turned into mutants found themselves severely weakened. Muscles can barely lift what they used to and people struggle just to stand, let alone haul heavy loads or lift heavy objects.

You may not move or sell any objects that have a footprint larger than 1×1 once they are placed and build/buy mode is exited. Cannot carry more than one stack of objects in personal inventory at a time. You may not remove any items out of family inventory, regardless of size. (You may place items into it, but they may not be brought back out until this restriction is lifted)

Completion

Your bodybuilder and personal trainer Sim devises a rigorous alternate-day body bulk-up routine designed to take make the meek and the weak into the MIGHTY! Organizing a regional gym, your Sim spends their day whipping everyone in the region back into shape.

completing teen careers are optional but the restrictions remain except for manual labor you may have an adult gardener instead

Teen Career – Fast Food Employee

The modern convenience of fast food has all but vanished overnight. Being able to find enough normal food is now the order of the day. None of the major food chains has any plans to try and return to the region.

May not use the “Quick Meal” option on a fridge or cooler. May not order chips from a bar. May not order pizza.

Completion

After rebuilding a local pizzeria from the ashes of one that had collapsed, the global pizza chain “Little Napoleans” sees a viable market for their product. They make your teen Sim a new franchise owner and start shipping in pizza supplies and other snacks by the truckload, returning fast and yummy food to the region.

Teen Career – Manual Labor

Lawncare and gardening are two past times that have really dropped off the radar of importance in the area. Nobody cultivates plants, relying on wild ones for food and trying to stay alive otherwise.

May not plant, grow, graft, take samples of, or level up plants. You may not hire maids. (You MAY harvest ‘wild’ plants, and ONLY wild plants)

Completion

With their house the envy of the neighborhood. Green with plants, clean as a whistle, sims in the region realize that maybe they don’t have to live in barren and squalor conditions if they took just a little extra effort to do some gardening and cleaning. After all, who wants to have their house upstaged by some kid?

Teen Career – Retail Employee

The downtown shopping center has been picked clean and the local mall looted. You can still *get* things, you just need to know when the weekly swap meet is. While there is a local market that has sprung up from the ashes of the old one, it is only open once a week. If you need something any other time, you are out of luck.

credit for the following here

Build The Vault on 50x50 or 50x30 lot, It needs to have space for at least *Kitchen *Dining *Living area *Bedrooms *skill building rooms *Garden/ Plant room * Medical bay *Store room *gym *toilets/bathrooms add any other rooms you feel would help your Survivors.

you may use freerealestate on cheat to move into vault free then turn it off once members are moved in.

Using Money cheat add $30,000 to family funds. This is so bills can be paid for around 4 sim weeks after that you are on your own.

every sim Monday (or daily if you're feeling fortunate) roll the Scenario dice of chance. roll a d20 or use a d20 generator here or use on of your choosing. You will also need a d6.

One of you family members got sick! now Roll a d6 1-3 The virus is weakening and that family member must lose 2 athletics skill points using stats.set_skill_level*major_[skill]*[number] cheat 4-5 That family member can't do anything today. 6 That family member quickly overcame the virus.

2. Raider/Mutant attack. You lost!! Each Sim loses 2 fitness or Wellness skill points (use cheat. Stats.set_skill_level*skill_fitness*[number]or stats.set_skill_level*major_wellness*[number] ) [replace stars with a space and leave out brackets eg. stats.set_skill_level major_wellness 5]

3. An outsider has appeared outside The Vault. you manage to Befriend them and add them to the household. [Add a sim from the gallery] (Outsiders must be quarantined. cannot be controlled for 7 days) [if your vault is full spin the wheel again]

4. Radiation leak!!!! Add 1 mutant to your household. (create one in cas/save to your library or download one from the gallery) [Mutants can never be controlled. They are to remain unplayed members of your household until they die of their own accord]

5. Quarantine missed an infected housemate. He/she has mutated. (move out 1 householder and replace with a mutant ,or simply edit that sim with testingcheats true and cas.fulleditmode shift click sim and edit in cas) [Mutants must not be controlled, your sim cannot interact with mutant by choice, Only autonomous interactions are allowed)

6. Your explorer discovered an old army supply bunker (add $10'000 to household. [use cheat money*[number] number should be current funds plus $10'000)

7. An epidemic has hit the vault only one member of the household is immune (only one Household member can be controlled for the next 7 simdays)

8. Your Explorer was attacked by mutants. Roll a d6 1-3 The virus is contagious, explorer becomes a mutant (edit them in cas to be a mutant), choose/import new explorer 4-5 The explorer was injured and can't do anything today. 6 The explorer escaped and is fine.

9. Radiation levels are dropping. New hope and happiness makes everyone work more efficiently (Each household member gains 2 skill points. using stats.set_skill_level*major_[skill]*[number] cheat)

10. A mutant fell into the pool. Remove 1 mutant from the household.

11. your scientist invented an anti mutant pill. but has only enough supplies to create 1. remove 1 mutant and replace with a sim of your choice or edit mutated original house hold member to former self.

12. your explorer found a spare suit. A second housemate can leave the lot but only during the next 7 days.( As the suit develops a fault.)

13. Uneventful day. Carry on as usual.

14. Woodworm infestation. place 2 items of household furniture in household inventory.

15. your scientist had a breakthough. Discovered woodworm treatment. replace all items from household inventory

16. Scavenging time! Send explorer to find stuff. Roll a d6.

1 The person didn't find anything/or they were robbed. 2-5 The person goes to to granite falls (or nearby park). (You have a sim world hour to do this.) 6 JACKPOT! The person got a (cheap) luxury item! *

17. Normal day.

18 BANDITS! You are ambushed by bandits!

roll a d6 1-3 one of your luxury items gets stolen if you don't have any luxury items one of your family members dies. 4-6 you win and get a luxury item!*

19 There has been a SimRoach infestation. you Lose half of your Harvestable plants. (place half of your plants in basement storeroom and remove doors leave them until they die then discard them.)

20. YOU FIND A LUXURY OR SKILL IMPROVING ITEM!

*{Luxury items consist of TVs, Microphones, Computers, Bookshelves, sofas, on the grid showers.}

credit for a few of the bottom dice chances here.

rules below from here.

** No cheats/hacks/mods that give you an advantage over someone who did not use them. Unless Requested by the Wheel of chance. No skill building cheats,Need filling cheats, or money cheats unless requested by a chance card. (Although the freerealestate cheat must be used to purchase The Vault). You may however unlock items if you choose.

　 ** No restarting after bad events. Taking the bad events with the good makes this challenge more interesting and struggling back from failure states is half the fun. Which is why we have the chance wheel. Restarting to recover from a crash, glitch, bug, or other technical problem is allowed.

** Every Monday in the Sim week you must roll the die. You must accept the consequences whether good or bad..

** You may only move in and merge other Sims into the Household if they are to become the Spouse that will aid in bringing in the next generation or it is requested by the Wheel of chance. Any unmutated Sim must be quarantined for 7 days before entering general population (the cannot be controlled by you for 7 days)You must not have any household members leave the Vault unless forced out due to a chance card/wheel but once they are gone, they must not be moved back in.

** The Family must remain on the same lot for the duration of the challenge. They are free (and encouraged) to develop the interior house but they may not move any walls or add on rooms (rooms within rooms are fine). So be sure your survivors have ample space before starting.

** Only the designated explorer AND your scientist (if you have one) are allowed to leave the lot. career sims can go to work only The Explorer is allowed to visit any lot on any neighbourhood to search for supplies including Granite falls but cannot stay for more than 1 day. The Scientist is only allowed to leave the lot to go to work.

** Once the Explorer has been chosen they cannot be changed unless he/she dies, then a new explorer must be picked to take their place. The Explorer must own and wear a spacesuit when out in the world.

** A Sim must not utilize any anti-aging items in their lifetime. This includes drinking a youth potion or milking the cow plant. Any cheats that freeze aging or lengthen (or shorten) lifespan times may not be used. Sims lifespans must be set to "Short" in the gameplay menu.

** You can freely change a Sim’s current aspiration whether or not it has been completed.

** You may not bring a Sim back from the dead once the reaper has taken them. You MAY plead with the reaper in order to save a recently dead Sim.

** When playing this Challenge, your family unit is the ONLY one you may play in that saved game. You MAY move in new families into the neighborhood during your challenge but you must not play them

if using career restrictions as well as wheel of chance normal lifespan may be better im not sure i haven't done this challenge yet ive only begun building and creating sims so far.

Happy simming!

#the sims 4 #ts4 #sims 4 #ts4 apocalypse #apocalypse #ts4 challenge #the sims 4 challenge #ts4 apocalypse challenge

[ooffies]

ɪᴢᴜᴋᴜ, ʙᴀᴋᴜɢᴏᴜ, ᴛᴀᴍᴀᴋɪ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴏᴍᴜʀᴀ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀ ꜱ/ᴏ ᴡʜᴏ ɪꜱ ꜱᴇʟꜰ ᴄᴏɴꜱᴄɪᴏᴜꜱ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ᴅɪɢɪᴛᴀʟ ᴀʀᴛ

Anon asked: hi!! this is my first time doing an ask- i LOVE youre writing sm and i enjoy everything you make ^^ so i was wondering if you could do hcs for Izuku, Bakugo, Tamaki, and Shigaraki with an s/o who does digital art, but they're kinda self conscious about it cuz they think their art is bad- And like- the characters didnt realize how good their s/o is until they look at an art piece that was left on the screen of the s/o's tablet/computer while they were away from it and are just FUCKING AMAZED- and are just "Why didn't you tell me you were this good-" and maybe even request a piece from them-

Hopefully that made sense- if you dont have time to do it or anything, thats absolutely fine! Anyway- i hope you have a great day/night! Stay hydrated <3

❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁

Izuku, Bakugou, Tamaki, Tomura x gn!reader (separate)

A/n: Ahhhh thank you so much anon that's so sweet of you to say! This is my first time writing for bnha so it might not be great but I still hope you like it! :)

A special thanks to @raes-ramblings for editing this!

❁Izuku❁

Izuku was already aware that you liked drawing

Sometimes you’d show him a quick sketch or two

He’d still encourage you and be your #1 supporter when it comes your art, even though he’s barely seen it

It happened on regular day, classes were over and all the students were settling down and relaxing

You had asked Izuku to go grab your sweater from your room because you were to lazy to get up from the comfortable and very cozy couch in the commons

Once he finished rummaging through your closet  and was about to head out he noticed you left your computer on so he went to turn it off for you

Once he saw your art on the screen his eyes went as wide as saucers do to shock and awe

He was absolutely enticed by the art on the screen

Runs down the common room to gush to you about how amazing he thinks your art is.

He still is very much your #1 supporter and will always shower you with compliments 

❁Bakugou❁

He definitely knew you drew but that’s all he really knows since you never do it in front of him or show him your art

He doesn’t ask about it either because once again he barely knows about it

It was a Friday evening when it happened

You were in your dorm peacefully drawing as you listened to music/podcast or watching a video/show/movie

Without a warning (or even a knock) your door burst open, almost breaking off the hinges

There stood in the doorway was the culprit of your almost broken door, looking at the your poor door and checking to see if broke (because he didn’t want to face the wrath of Aizawa)

He began to stomp towards you but stopped in tracks once he saw your computer screen

He looked at it for a few seconds, his eyes squinting a bit as he was processing the beautiful drawing on the screen

“HUH YOU'RE ACTUALLY GOOD AT DRAWING!?!?!”

“WHAT DO YOU “ACTUALLY GOOD” WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME!?!”

“WELL YOU NEVER SHOWED OR TOLD ME ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR DRAWINGS SO I LOWKEY ASSUMED YOU SUC- *AHEM* WEREN'T GOOD AT IT”

“BAKUGOU KATSUKI I’M GONNA PUNCH THE YOUR FACE IN”

After a few minutes of silly arguing and someone down the hall yelling shut up, he began throw out the compliments and praise

He may not be a super vocal supporter like Izuku but he still is your #1 support 

He’ll just chill with you while you draw, you two just vibe together 

He will always ask to see your new art no matter what, he’ll even ask if you ever finished that piece, ect.

❁Tamaki❁

He definitely knew that you drew but didn’t say/ask much since he knew you are self conscious about 

He definitely still supports you saying even though he’s never seen it he sure it’s gorgeous 

It happened very casually compared to the others

It was just a regular day and you two were chilling in your dorm room. You decided to watch some youtube and you pulled out your computer.

Little did you know, you had your program open.

You panicked and moved to slam your laptop shut, but before you could he grabbed your hand gently

“W-wait, that was so cool! I didn’t know you could draw like that!!” 

You started to blush and stutter and he started to do the same after his sudden burst of confidence came to an end 

You both started laughing in the amidst the embarrassment 

After that he became someone you were very comfortable sharing your art with

He also starts to ask you about it and what you’ve been working on

You two will hangout in you're room and relax together while you draw

❁Tomura❁

Didn’t know that you can draw at all

So you’d often go draw in your room for hours on end he got a bit annoyed

He didn’t know what you were doing in there and it bothered him

You could be taking an insane amount of naps, you could be taking a super long bath, you could be playing video games,...... you…… you could be cheating on him……..?

He got up and began rushing to your room, his mind still wondering down the cheating rabbit hole

He slams the door open causing you to let out a blood-curdling scream and throw you pen across the room

“OH MY GOD WHY DID YOU THAT ARE YOU OKAY?” you asked, you throat still recovering from your scream

He looked at the pen on the ground to the computer screen then to the pen again

You got up from your seat and walkover to him, placing your hand on his arm and rubbing it soothingly

“Tomura babe what’s wrong you’re worrying me” 

“Oh you were just drawing” he said slowly wrapping his arms around you

“Oh y-yeah I was ahaha…..” you said with a nervous chuckle cause it just hit you that he SAW your art

“It’s really good”

He supports your art and always compliments you whenever you show him a new piece, he’s someone you’ve become comfortable sharing your art with

He was also super excited when he saw your artist glove (if you have one) because it looked like his quirk cancelling glove. He’ll hold up one of his hands to yours and say “Look we’re matching” with big, stupid, goofy grin 

But you never truly learned what was bothering him that day and it still kinda bugs ya

#bnha #bnha headcanons #mha #mha headcanons #bakugou x reader #bakugou headcanons #izuku x reader #izuku headcanons #tamaki headcanons #tamaki x reader #tomura headcanons #tomura x reader #bnha bakugou #bnha izuku #bnha tamaki #bnha tomura #my writing

[19thcenturyedgelord]

TW: Transphobia, Homophobia, abuse, neglect, p3dophilia, s3xual assault, su!cide, alcohol

~Vent~

My mother is constantly saying that they is only two gender and is always dead naming me, the one time I get her to say my preferred name she rolls her eyes and scoffs as she says it.

My mother has told me my whole life that she owns me and that I don't get to make any decisions for myself, she was dressing me until I was disowned at 14.

My mother would threaten to k!ll herself is I ever did something she didn't like, this includes: having a panic attack, dealing with over stimulation, trying to dress myself, telling her to stop walking in on me while I was showering/changing, going to bed early, going to bed late, saying I was hungry, asking to be allowed to go outside, wearing my headphones, not being strictly christian/not eating kosher, ect.

My mother got rid of my pet hermit crabs without telling me and was constantly trying to release my turtles even though they would die in the wild and they were being taken care of very well with a large, clean tank and plenty of food and hiding places, a special light that was good for their shell, and a great water to land ratio.

My mother slut shamed me because I was wearing shorts that went above my knees (they were perfectly appropriate btw).

My mother would scream at me for hours if I got anything less than a 100% on a test and even if I did get a 100% she would ask me why I didn't get any extra credit even if there was none available and even if I'd did get extra credit she would ask why I didn't get MORE extra credit.

While I lived with my mother I had a diet of nothing but microwave meals and chips and chips because she spent all of her money on vape, cigarettes, and alcohol. I would constantly be near unconsciousness due to my low blood sugar because I had nothing to eat.

She has slapped me across the face multiple times, one time with sharp plastic that cut my chin, she did this as a punishment. One time she slapped me because my blood sugar was low and I was grumpy, this is how it went down:

Me: Hey I know you wanna talk right now but can I make some food first my blood sugar is low this should take me 20 minutes max"

Her: No, I'm you mother and your going to talk to me right now

Me: Can I please just get something to eat

Her: *yells at me wich causes me to get distracted*

Me: *spills uncooked mac&cheese because distracted*

Her: *yells at me then slaps me across the face*

My mother nearly beat me to unconsciousness because she was very drunk, I had bruises all over me the next morning but I was to afraid to say anything because I new she would scream at me and hurt me more.

She molested me daily, forced me to change in front of her, forcefully spooned me in bed for hours even after I said no, and would "playfully" spank me.

She was constantly talking about how sexy a 17 year old at her work was and even bought him vape. She would also talk about some of my friends like that and even tried to internet stalk two of them, we are all minors.

She would lock the door to the apartment and wouldn't give me a key and would force me to wait outside in knee deep snow for hours without any warm clothing because she stole it all. She also refused to drive me to school in -8 degree (f) weather because she didn't want to loose her parking spot. I was also forced to bike to and from band practice (with she forced me to to do because she wanted to live through me) in 30 degree (f) with heavy rain because she didn't want to loose her parking spot.

She would consistently make fun of me for reading or doing anything that I enjoyed because I was a "nerd" and a "looser"

She disowned me after she stole my phone, went through it and found out I was a lesbian.

I couldn't even go into my yard without telling her where I was going, if I didn't tell her I would be screamed at and not allowed out my room, for a day and then not allowed out of the house for two more weeks.

She routinely went through my phone and my belongings without my permission, knowledge, or consent, in case I had anything "suspicious".

I tried moving in with my dad and she sued him.

She stole my most prized pokemon cards, a bag, most of my clothes, all of my old toys, and over $200 from my in the span of two weeks.

My room didn't have a door and she positioned herself so that she had to go through my room to get anywhere else in the house.

She would frequently lock the bathroom door so that it was only accessable from her room.

I told her I like pop music and she called me a failure then continued to play her extremely s3xual, vulgar, music about dr*gs, alcohol, and r@pe.

From the time I was 8 she tried to force me to drink alcohol because its "cool"

She forcefully pushed me against a wall because I refused to give her a hug after she made an offensive joke and I called her out for it.

She screamed at me because I corrected her after she misgendered me.

I had to learn morse code just so I could speak to my friends without her knowing what I was saying.

When I started counseling because I wanted to k!ll myself and because I was having upwards and 15-25 panic attacks per day, she forced me to tell her everything that happened in counseling even if I didn't want to.

She always gangs up on me in fights but if I try to get back up she just yells at me more.

She refused to take me to the hospital when I had a concussion and forced me to go to school all week even though I could barely stand or speak and now I have verbal and motor tics which she makes fun of.

She would scream at me because I sit down in the shower even though I have arthritis. (Yes I have arthritis at 15, it runs in the family and before to long I might develop psoriasis, I have shitty genes)

I wasn't allowed to wear anything that revealed my shoulders, that was low cut, shower any part of my stomach or back, short that went above my knees, ect.

I wasn't allowed to get my hair cut below my chin because it " wasn't feminine enough"

I wasn't allowed to have anything that was "for boys" this included clothes, toys, books, stickers, blankets, posters, movies, ect.

She forced me to watch R rated movies with her even if I didn't feel comfortable watching them.

I wasn't allowed to have any friends over and I wasn't allowed to go to any friends house, the one time I did have friends over she judged all of them and tried me to stop hanging out with them after they left. My friends are all very good people and are the only reason I'm still alive rn, she was just mad that I was talking to people who weren't her.

She screamed at she because I got one (1) drop of dark green ink on her black coffee table that she got for free.

I wasn't allowed to draw any male characters because she was afraid I would get off to them or something idk (this was before I was forcefully outed)

She bought me a triple chocolate cake for my birthday once. I'm allergic to chocolate. She forgot my birthday the next year.

Anytime I would tell her about the terrible bullying that was going on she would tell me to get over it, even after I had been thrown to the ground and strangled by one of my classmates.

If I got into a new game or hobby she would either take it away or shame me for playing it.

She spent all day on the computer playing Sims 3 to the point where I had to feed myself, take care of myself, and play by myself as young as 5.

She screamed at me because while talking about Pokemon lore I mentioned how Arceus is the god of the Pokemon world and she said I shouldn't say that because it would "make god mad" ( I have nothing against christians or christianity btw, just the people who shove it down your throat like she does)

I wasn't allowed to eat or drink the last of anything (finishing a bag of chips, taking the last soda, ect.) If I did she would scream at me and slap me as punishment.

She threatened to forbid me form seeing my cousin (who for the first 11 years of my life was my only friend) if I ever "talked back" to her.

She wod frequently strangle me as a form of "tough love".

When I was 2 she tried to teach me how to swim by holding me under water over and over again, drowning is now one of my greatest fears. Luckily I did learn to swim with the help of cousin and granny and even enjoy swimming but it is hard for me to do things like wash my face in the shower or stay under water for more than a few seconds without panicking.

She never taught me how to cook but then would scream at me because I didn't know how to cook.

Her smoking inside and while driving has caused me to have some lung issues, she denies that she ever smoked near me.

She tried to take me away frome everyone in my life including my family and friends so that I could only spend time with her.

When I was in fifth grade she homeschooled me and forced me to do college lever reading, learn how to code, learn at least two other languages that weren't english, learn how to play guitar, do gymnastics, do jujitsu (japanese), do soccer, learn to sing (keep I mind I had no interest in music, but she did), do a digital homeschooling program set at a highschool level, and learn a bunch of useless skills like knot tying and making friendship bracelets because it was "feminine". This was in FIFTH FUCKING GRADE.

We didn't have a washer or dryer and she would never go to to town to get laundry done so I never had clean clothes.

If I had more that $10 I had to give the rest to her.

She tried to kidnap me once.

One time on accident I stood in a bull ant hill and got stung all over (if you don't know ants all sting at once), I was swollen all over and screaming in pain and she did nothing, not even give me ice or ointment, she just told me to be more careful.

[prorevenge]

Incompetent manager fires the wrong guy

After I came back from Kosovo with the US Army I got lucky once and landed a really great job. I was contracted to work as a liaison in several parts of the world. Our team would basically go somewhere, figure out what needed done then make it happen. For example, my first assignment was back to Kosovo and several towns needed various construction projects. Thinks like a bridge over a creek, a town community center, a waste treatment plant, ect. We coordinated with the Army, NATO, the EU, dozens of contractors and would get the jobs done. We would secure funding, then hire contractors, and in some places we were involved in hiring workers as a means of stimulating the local economy.

The first team I worked with was amazing. We were able to get so much accomplished, and genuinely enjoyed working together. We also had to figure out how to do everything. Our instructions were:

Go to (insert place)

Find out what needs done

Get it done

Somehow, we figured it out. Sometimes it was happy accidents. We made a million dollar deal because we accidentally ran into the guy we needed to contact for funding in a random bar. We had been trying to find him for days. Found him in a bar, at lunch. Sometime we worked long days, as much as 20 hours. Sometimes on weekends. Sometimes we had very little to do. In our off time we explored the areas, went to bars and restaurants. It was honestly one of the best jobs ever.

Anyway, eventually our contracts ran out and I was the only one who signed on for another year. My teammates had families and I was single at the time. When I met the new team, I knew almost instantly that this was going to suck. A team consisted of 4 people, a manager and 3 liaisons. The 2 other liaisons were among the two unhappiest people I've ever met, and I could never figure out why. Those guys griped and complained about every thing. We all got great pay, often it was tax exempt, we were generally safe, we usually had fairly comfortable lodging where we went, but they were never happy. You could shower those guys in the most beautiful escorts in the world, and they would call you cheap because you got them "used hookers." One of the places we went we were easily living in the nicest hotel in the city, with probably the best suites they offered, but "the shower doesn't get hot enough" and "I have to filter water to drink it" We were on the only floor in the building where the suites had their own showers or running water.

Ever worse than those two guys, was our manager. Who ever taught this guy about leadership should be flogged. He supposedly learned from being an officer in the US Army, and also from his business degree at UCLA, but somewhere along the lines he missed all the lessons about teamwork, management, and literally anything related to managing a team. When we met I told him that I would be happy to help him start building a relationship with all out contacts and make his transition for the new team as seamless as possible.

His response, "I'm in charge of this team. We are going to change some things to start doing it right."

Ok. He also decided to lay down the law, again reasserting that we was the boss. Also, the new rules were no consumption or possession of alcohol. No leaving the lodging or workplace in off duty hours. We worked from 6 am to 5 pm local time Monday through Friday. Basically on our off duty hours we stayed in our rooms or within whatever facility we were lodged in. "You're not here to be on vacation, you're here to get your jobs done." We were back in Southeastern Europe at the time, and I had a lady friend in town. No way in hell am I staying in my room and twiddling my thumbs. I told him right away that there was no chance that I was going to comply with his commandments, that company policy was clear that as long as there was no imminent safety risk, that we were free to do as we wished in our free time. To claim as safety required that he prove that his measures were necessary. I said, "This is not the military, you do not own all my time"

So yea, off to a real great start. It was less than 2 weeks before it came to a head. We had gotten nothing done. Nothing. The manager refused to used the contacts I had acquired over the last year, instead preferring to go through "official channels." So I started just doing stuff myself, I made the calls, I got the funding, hired contractors, ect. And went and saw my lady friend after hours. He had this really funny thing he did where he would yell at me for "going behind his back" but then put his name on my tickets and pass the work off as his own. I got sick of this, along with the crybaby brothers not doing anything. A shouting match ensued. I pointed out his glaring incompetence. He was mad that I didn't follow orders like a soldier. In the end, he got me fired. I tried to fight it, but apparently he was buddies with someone high up in the company. I had the last laugh though.

Just before I turned in my laptop and cell phone I went through and deleted everything. Some of the files that I couldn't get in trouble for keeping I saved to my own computer. But the rest were gone. This was all my contacts, all my notes. How to get money, where to get contractors, private numbers for hundreds of people. In the hands of even a moderately competent person this was a gold mine of information. All gone.

​

I spent a while just kind of floating around before eventually going home. Apparently as soon as I was gone the old manager opened up my laptop and went to go through all my files and was enraged that it was all gone. The whole team was eventually disbanded when after another 2 months they were still floundering unable to accomplish anything.

(source) story by (/u/Artilleryman08)

#prorevenge #by /u/Artilleryman08 #pro revenge #revenge stories #pro revenge stories #pro #revenge #last10

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #210: You Don’t Need the Weathermen to Know Which Way the Wind Blows!

August, 1981

Wow that is one hell of a title! At least in terms of length.

Not the best though.

That still belongs to Avengers #12: “This Hostage Earth!”: In Which the Mighty Avengers Battle to Save Their Beloved Planet From a Fate So Deadly That None But the Macabre Mole Man Could Have Devised It!: A Marvel Tale of Most Compelling Excellence!”

The title to this one being a Bob Dylan reference gets its some bonus points though.

Hmm, this issue is written by Bill Mantlo and he’s also the co-creator of Rocket Raccoon, originally an extended reference to a Beatles song.

Guy loves his song references.

The cover is also pretty excellent this time too. Damn but do I miss covers like this. Four different perils befallen the Avengers separated by the presumed villain’s helmet crest.

So take us away, Mantlo.

We start the issue with the return of the ridiculous four-sided television for the Avengers meeting table. Except now its five four-sided tvs on one pole for maximum media absorption from multiple angles.

And the Avengers are watching THE WEATHER CHANNELS!

Scarlet Witch: “Why have you summoned us, Captain America? What new menace confronts the Avengers?”

Wonder Man: “Wait until you hear, Wanda! Cap’s called us together to watch the weather report!”

Don’t be so surprised. The title and the cover are all about weather.

Cap though says that this weather channel may be showing THE BEGINNING OF THE END OF THE WORLD!

But surely he’s exaggerating. Even if 2012 the movie ridonkulous weather disasters happen and wipe out humanity, the world will keep on zooming through space. Its a persistent rock.

End of humanity is pretty bad too, from the point of view of humanity. Which the Avengers either are or aspire to.

So there are excessive tornadoes in Kansas. So far, of course.

London is flooding.

There are unnatural thunderstorms and torrential rains in New York, so bad that Thor has decided to show up without being summoned to go ‘hey how about this weather, right?’

Buenos Aires is freezing, baffling and befuddling bikini beach goers.

Which Beast ogles.

Beast, pls. The fate of the humanity is at stake here.

And there’s a heatwave over Antarctica melting ice and raising the water levels, threatening low lying countries. Or mostly just England somehow.

The government’s weather monitoring space station with a weird name Samarobyrn has determined that these weather disruptions are too systematic to be natural so the Avengers are going to split into five groups to investigate the five places I’ve already mentioned, since they’re the five places most seriously affected according to the satellite Samarobyrn.

Beast is going to go to Buenos Aires, to his delight.

Wanda and Vision will go to Kansas.

Beast: “The perfect place to send the Good Witch of the East!”

The Wasp and Wonder Man will head to Antarctica.

Wasp: “Great! Finally I get a chance to wear my new fur coat!”

... Wasp. Heatwave.

Thor will investigate the thunderstorms in New York.

And Cap and Iron Man will go to London.

Not sure what they’re going to do against large-scale weather disturbances. Can’t exactly punch the climate. At least not personally.

Maybe punching a weatherman will help. Can’t make the situation worse.

Anyway, the Avengers all head off to their own destinations, with Beast snarking “Say, shouldn’t someone yell ‘Avengers Dissemble’?!”

So, this reminds me of something, really briefly. There was an episode of Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes that used the title This Hostage Earth (sadly sans the rest) and also coincidentally seems to share some elements with this story. The Avengers split up to investigate seven different anomalies with Iron Man wryly commenting that he should say Avengers Dissemble.

Doesn’t have much of anything to do with this. I was just reminded because of mentioning This Hostage Earth ect earlier.

Anyway, while all of the other Avengers dissemble, Thor tarries.

So he’s still in the meeting room when Jocasta arrives and wonders what the hell is going on. She only found out there was a meeting at all because Jarvis told her.

Damn, that’s rude, the other Avengers.

Thor: “An oversight, surely. Our ranks have swelled of late, and with no permanent chairman, ‘tis hard to know whose responsibility ‘twas to summon thee.”

Jocasta: “True? And yet I have felt... apart from the others. Being a creature of cybernetic circuits and not flesh and blood, I am always aware that I am... different.”

Thor: “And thou thinkest we do shun thee for it? Nay, milady! The Avengers are a composite of mortal and immortal, android and man-beast, man and mutant! Different, Jocasta? Aye, so are we all!”

Oh, hey. There’s that arc about Jocasta feeling disconnected from the other Avengers. We haven’t touched on it for a while but it was a running thing in the Shooter run previously. She tried to make friends with various Avengers but they tended to inadvertently blow her off due to their own preoccupations or just getting distracted.

So, no, Thor, I don’t think that the Avengers are intentionally shunning her. But I do think that none of them have really been reaching out to her, either. And you’re all she has.

Thor heads out to his mission and this time Jocasta tarries, thinking about things and stuff.

So she’s still in the meeting room when the computer pulls up some exposition based on a random thing Beast asked rhetorically.

“Origin of the word Samarobryn in the disaster prophecies of Michael Nostradamus... Samarobryn one hundred leagues from the hemisphere. They will live without law, exempt from politics.”

Huh!

I don’t think I knew that Nostradamus had a first name!

Weird that someone would name a weather satellite after a disaster prophecy that predicted famine caused by excessive rain. That’s like naming a communications satellite Babel.

Anyway, the Avengers all head in five different directions with four Quinjets and one Thor and Jocasta takes a fifth Quinjet and heads off into space.

Huh! They have five whole Quinjets now!

Thor flies up into the sky and begins yelling at the clouds, as one might expect from Thor.

Thor: “The storm rages as it hast for hours, with a fury that doth threaten the very existence of the Midgardian mortals dwelling below! ‘Tis time to leash the lightning -- to put the rain to rout! Cease, storm! ‘Tis the god of thunder who dost command thee!”

And then Thor gets hit in the face by lightning.

This storm is a rude.

Thor is stunned by all of this lightning in the face, I guess backing up Clone Squirrel Girl’s use of electricity to knock out Jane!Thor that one time, nearly falling out of the sky before whirling Mjolnir like a helicopter to land smoothly.

And then Thor goes back to yelling at clouds except this time not just clouds because he spots the one who hit him with lightning and it is a who and not a what.

Thor: “Descend, Villain! And if yon storm be thy doing -- desist!”

Weatherman: “Have a care, god of thunder! Not even you can command... a WEATHERMAN!”

I have queried an expert who has told me that yes, this guy looks a bit tokusatsu.

(And he’s orange. Spoilers: There’s a different colored one wherever the Avengers go. A full color-coded team.)

Anyway, two hours later and over in London, England, Iron Man and Captain America arrive to deal with London being flooded.

Iron Man: “Do you realize just how selective these disasters are, Cap? After all, England and Holland border on the same body of water -- and the first’s been inundated, while the second hasn’t been touched!”

Huh! That is weird. And seems incredibly implausible or like someone or thing incredibly powerful is also incredibly angry at the English.

While Iron Man flies around shooting the water with repulsors to... shove it back into the ocean? Is that what’s going on?? I mean, if the water is disproportionately high on England’s side of the channel then I guess you could just shove the water and accomplish something but I thought there was something going on with Antarctica melting which would indicate that the sea levels are also rising but then why would it be affecting only England and oh no comic logic has broken me

Anyway, while ^ that is happening, Captain America lands the Quinjet on Parliament since there’s not many good places to land and really, how often can you say to have landed a jet on a government building?

He’s old, let him have his fun.

But it’s not just fun! He’s Captain America, the man who wakes up at 4 AM to go for a ten miles jog so he can be showered and ready to superhero by 6 AM, probably!

He notices some kids clinging to an overturned double decker bus (because how would we know it was London without?) and he jumps from Parliament to swing on a Union Jack flag to the bus.

And then he uses the flag to create a tether to a rescue boat that the kids can cross over on.

AND THEN THE BLUE WEATHER RANGER! appears.

Flying around on a hoverdisc and creating a localized tidal wave. The wave smacks Cap off the bus into the water as Blue Weather Ranger gloats.

Weatherman: “Let that be a lesson to you not to wrest lives away -- when they’ve been claimed by... a Weatherman!”

And now a scene transition to sunny Antarctica where Jan van Wasp is finally getting the idea that heatwave means that her fur coat is superfluous.

While melting Antarctica temps might still be cold, this specific melting Antarctica temp is almost tropical!

And its not just sunny, it seems like the sun is moving closer, like the angry sun from Mario Bros 3 because iiiiiiiiits.... THE RED WEATHERMAN!

Weatherman: “Die, Avengers! The only fate for those who would defy... a Weatherman!”

The Red Weather Ranger blasts them with heat beams of a thousand degrees, melting the ice right out from under them.

Wasp figures that the Red Weatherman is radiating heat in waves so she could hypothetically hit him between cycles.

Hypothetically.

Because she can’t figure out the frequency and instead the Weatherman sets her wings on fire. And her wings are an organic part of her and she hurts when they hurts. So she plummets into the water to put herself out.

Hmm... the yellow and black look good on Jan and fits with the Wasp name but sometimes she doesn’t look dissimilar to an X-Men.

Wonder Man does what Wonder Man does and picks up a heavy thing and chucks it jerkwards.

But they’re in Antarctica so heavy thing is a giant ice chunk and jerk is a really hot guy so the ice chunk melts midflight pelting the two Avengers with boiling rain.

Wow, this is going poorly so far!

Who’s next?

Scarlet Witch and Vision are next! And they’ve gone to Kansas to fight tornadoes.

I’m. Not sure how that’s going to play out. I really feel like the Avengers are out of their element trying to fight the weather. Is it too late to call in the X-Men and specifically Storm?

She’s doing a crossover with Dazzler this month in 1981 so its not like she was too busy.

Anyway, Scarlet Witch flies the Quinjet at a tornado and then is shocked when the jet gets swept into the funnel cloud and spins out of control

She wonders why Vision is just standing there but he learned a thing from the Yellow Claw two-parter and isn’t just standing there.

He actually makes his mass so heavy that it forces the Quinjet to the ground with a WHRUMP!

I can’t imagine that’d be good for either the Quinjet or the passengers but I’ll give Vision this.

Its cool that he can do his thing without outwardly expending any effort.

Scarlet Witch: “Yes, neither of our powers are quite so flamboyant as Cap throwing his shield, or Thor his hammer -- but they have proven most effective, else we would not be Avengers!”

And then she uses her witchcraft to force two of the tornadoes to slam into each other and cancel out.

This also seems dubious. Since tornadoes tend to spin the same direction you’d think that instead of cancelling, they’d become one giant super tornado. Them cancelling each other out seems quite improbable actually. Which is probably exactly why it works.

Take that, SCIENCE.

But there’s still one tornado left and its coming for them! And since it appears to not be naturally formed, it defies Wanda’s nature based magic! Curses!

Annnnnnnnnd... It’s a WEATHERMAN!

The ebony Weatherman. Although he looks purple to me.

Weatherman: “Stand or flee, it will make no difference! Your lives are in the hands of a... WEATHERMAN!”

And another scene transition.

Geez, this plot split the party hard. And I think it’s beginning to realize how hard it is to split the story between six groups because this vignette gets four panels before moving on.

Beast lands in beautiful snow-covered iceberg infested Buenos Aires and takes a brief moment to be horny about a bunch of bikini women who have been frozen alive.

Beast: “Oh, my stars and garters! Those bathing beauties I saw on T.V. -- they’re frozen solid! Maybe I could take one or two back to thaw out in my room at Avengers mansion?”

And then as if to punish him for this, the white WEATHERMAN! immediately appears and freezes Beast solid.

Weatherman: “You will need to unfreeze yourself first, man-beast! So says... a WEATHERMAN!”

Beast: “Yoiks!”

Good thing freezing is basically harmless in comics.

And our final party, Jocasta IN SPAAAAAAACE.

Because Quinjets can still just achieve escape velocity. That’s some good super-science.

Jocasta: “Samarobyrn, Earth’s first weather-monitoring space station! It’s so... beautiful! A shimmering silver wheel in space -- a triumph of science and engineering, created to faithfully serve its creators... as was I. Perhaps that is why I alone thought to come here.”

And since she’s a robot, she just jumps out of the Quinjet airlock that it definitely always has had and uses her EYE BEAMMM to basically propel herself away from the Quinjet and toward the Samarobyrn station.

That’s pretty cool, actually. I’m not sure if, scientifically, laser eyes would actually propel that much, but its a cool thought.

Of course, Jocasta has to do all of this cool stuff because the space station didn’t respond to the docking requests Jocasta sent. So she has to go in through the manual override airlock.

In the station, Jocasta finds no signs of life even though it was supposed to have a five man crew.

She finds her way to the hub of the station where the computer monitors are all monitoring the five separate Avengers missions.

So she’s pretty sure her suspicions were correct.

Jocasta: “The five foes facing my fellow Avengers must be the five crewmen of Samarobryn! They have distorted this station’s functioning from that of weather-monitoring to weather control -- and now exploit it for their own evil ends!”

Samarobryn: “You are wrong, silver sister!”

WELP!

The space station computer has gone all HAL. Dammit, this always happens!

So Samarobryn decides to explain it all.

It had a humble beginning as a computer for the U.S. Weather Service’s Project Earthwatch. But then one of the programmers added something extra to the concoction: NOSTRADAMUS!

No but seriously. The programmer decided to download the disaster prophecies of Nostradamus into the computer in addition to weather data.

And particularly the ones dealing with that Samarobryn prophecy, the one Jocasta read part of earlier. So when the comptuer was installed in a space station named Samarobryn, it went ‘hey that me!’

And decided to expand operations from weather monitoring to weather control.

How does a space station outfitted specifically to only monitor the weather make the jump to controlling it? Fuck you, this is comics.

When the crew grew suspicious, the computer rewrote their brains to become the Weathermen.

Why did a computer designed to monitor weather have the ability to-

Look, this is comics. Where Hank Pym, biophysicist, built a computer with a gun pre-installed and was surprised when it shot him and tried to take his wife. THIS. IS. COMICS.

Anyway, speaking of weirdly sexual computers:

Samarobryn: “I sense that you are a machine like me -- created by others but obedient to none! Join me! Be my bride! Together we will cleanse the Earth of imperfect humankind and stand guard over the paradise which remains... as gods!”

Geez, its just like Aaron Stack all over again, way before the fact. Also, Ultron. A certain type of AI is just attracted to Jocasta, huh?

Anyway, Jocasta lets Samarobryn down easy by shooting him with EYE BEAM!

Jocasta: “Nothing would remain but a lifeless mokcery of a world! No! I reject you! I was created to be the bride of another such as you -- but robot though I am, there is still some spark of humanity burning within me! I cherish it -- and would not see its source snuffed out!”

Samarobryn may be a load bearing computer pillar without arms or legs but it still manages to defend itself.

BY FLOODING THE CONTROL ROOM?

I guess everything in this room is waterproof??

And also by shooting lightning, also in the control room. Where I guess everything is lightning proof.

This is a bad plan.

More than I thought, even, because by shifting attention to defending itself up in space, Samarobryn leaves its Weathermen high and dry.

The Orange Weatherman stops being able to throw lightning bolts so Thor clobbers him.

The Red Weatherman chills out so Wonder Man and Wasp can get close and put him in a headlock.

Uh. I’m not sure if Blue Weatherman actually is affected or not because Iron Man just punches him in the back of the head while he’s distracted.

The Ebony Weatherman’s whirlwind vanishes so Scarlet Witch and Vision can kick his ass.

And Beast unfreezes as quickly as he froze and kicks the White Weatherman’s helmet off. And apparently the helmet was maintaining the mind control because the Weatherman is suddenly confused about where he is.

And with the Orange Weatherman beaten up, Thor senses, with his god senses no doubt, that the Orange Weatherman wasn’t the one commanding the weather. So there must be an unseen agent who arranged this.

So his course is clear.

Thor shoots a giant lightning bolt into space and hits Samarobryn.

He doesn’t know that the station is to blame. He’s just shooting a giant lightning bolt into space because he’s pissed that someone used lightning against him.

I guess when you’re the god of thunder, you can get a little homing capability out of your giant space lightning bolts.

Still though. Wow.

Meanwhile, in space, Samarobryn is still trying to woo Jocasta. For a certain value of woo.

Samarobryn: “It is still not too late, female! Accept me! Accept what must be! I can make you love me!”

Jocasta: “What can a machine who would destroy all those I have come to care for know of love?”

Samarobryn: “Nothing, as humans understand love -- but together we can redefine the word on the basis of our own coexistence!”

Jocasta: “Can you not understand? The fact that I am a machine does not make me less than human! I am, as Thor said, merely... different! I would try to live in their human world -- to understand how to retain that difference that makes me unique -- and yet be accepted!”

This is an interesting conversation but wouldn’t you know it? There’s a power surge. Seems like a space station got hit by lightning.

And when the lights turn back on and Jocasta wonders what happened:

Samarobryn: “I am weather-monitoring space station Samarobryn. Your question is not pertinent to weather evaluation. This unit cannot compute.”

So you know how sometimes a program crashes and you lose all your progress?

Samarobryn hadn’t backed up its sapience and the power surge effectively lobotomized it back to factory settings.

Geez.

LATER

All the Avengers stand around congratulating Jocasta for the good job and apologizing that they overlooked her.

Apparently new safeguards were put in place to prevent Samarobryn from attaining sentience again. Probably stuff like ‘don’t download doomsday prophecies into a weather satellite.’

Hm. I know Samarobryn was trying to destroy the world and all but the cavalier lobotomization of an enemy because it was a computer and thus disposable sits wrong when the Avengers have two AIs on their team. Really, the fact that it was an accident is pretty much all that lets it slide by.

Also: I’m kind of peeved that Jocasta didn’t get to resolve the situation, given that this was blatantly a Jocasta focus issue. She does pull a lot of weight, being the only one to figure out the real source of the problem and distracting Samarobryn long enough for the Avengers to beat the Weathermen. But it feels like Thor swiped the big win from her even though he didn’t even know about Samarobryn. Just shot some lightning into space and resolved the plot.

That plot resolution should have been Jocasta’s!

Anyway. Scarlet Witch says that Jocasta being overlooked like she was indicates that the Avengers need to reorganize and Vision suggests that they vote on a new chairperson.

But they’re interrupted by Cap.

Captain America: “Iron Man, Thor, and I have given some thought to the directions this team has taken -- and should take! I open the floor to discussion! The first item on the agenda being: THE OLD ORDER CHANGETH!”

Which basically means a roster shakeup.

Funny that the Avengers have had a period of disorganization and aimlessness when they didn’t have a permanent writer and now that they are getting one, they’re going to try to get their shit together.

Whatever I do, I shouldn’t miss next issue.

But before then, there’s an Avengers Annual that has to fit in somewhere and since it uses this roster of the team, might as well fit it in now, before everyone changes and it makes no sense. And its a fairly well-known Avengers Annual.

The fairly well-known Avengers Annual that looked at Avengers #200 and said ‘actually this is bullshit.’

Follow @essential-avengers​. Also please like if you liked. Its good to know that somebody is reading.

Also, consider donating to the Bill Mantlo Support Fund if you enjoyed vicariously experiencing this issue or if you enjoy Rocket Raccoon or his other stuff like Cloak and Dagger, Micronauts, or Rom.

#Avengers #essential avengers #essential marvel liveblogging #Jocasta #Samarobryn #Thor #Captain America #Iron Man #the Wasp #Wonder Man #Scarlet Witch #the Vision #Beast #the very concept of weather #its out to get us #the mega-TV #too cool to exist #space lightning #regrets that no giant robot was summoned and fought

[katieelizabeth]

What would you call your body type? Definitely curvy

Are you a morning person? Yes and no. I’m taking sleep meds for nausea so right now waking up is kinda hard. 

Have you ever been to Target? Loveeeeee Target

Do you like iced tea? Iced tea is always my jam

When is the next time you’ll be at work? Hmm it’s kinda up in the air right now. I’m itching to get back tho.

Do you have a savings account? Yes. one for myself, one with my boyfriend

Has anyone ever hacked your accounts before? Only once.

What color bedsheets are currently on your bed? Currently grey

Have you ever been to Disney World? If so, how many times have you been? Yes, I wanna say total like 6 times.

Does grammar and capitalization mean anything to you? It absolutely does.

Are you good at wrapping gifts for others? My boyfriend thinks I'm a terrible wrapper hahah

Do you have a dirty clothes hamper in your room? Yes.

What would you say is your favorite television show? If I had to narrow it down, probably Skins. 

Do you enjoy big holiday dinners? Yes and no. I don’t care for holiday dinners with my family but I love holiday dinners with my boyfriends family. 

Is there any piece of jewelry you’re constantly wearing? I’m not married or engaged but I do wear a small silver band on my ring finger.

What is one thing you desire as of now? To be able to just go and sit down in a restaurant. This virus has everyone living in fear and I'm tired of it and want to live normally and enjoy my pregnancy

What kind of phone do you have? An iPhone XR.

If you could move anywhere, where would you choose? Canada or London

Do you blog a lot, if at all? No not really. I used to when Xanga was big.

Is your present hair color, natural? Nope.

What makes you the most angry when it comes to people? My boyfriend thinks that anytime my opinion is different than his, then I'm trying to argue with him. It’s so fucking frustrating. 

Describe your current outfit? Anaheim Ducks shirt and matching pj pants hahah

What was the last thing you ordered online? Some toothbrushes lol

Have you ever felt as though you were drifting apart from a best friend? Ive had two best friends in my life completely shut me out before. It sucks.

What color are your eyes? Poop brown

Have you ever worn color contacts? I have but I could never wear them because of the astigmatisms in both my eyes. Lasik was the best decision of my life

What’s the best thing about a hug? Right now I miss everything about hugs

Biggest fear? Losing my loved ones, death, never getting better/getting worse, never doing anything with my life....

If you have a significant other, how long have you been together? Just celebrated three years

Do you know any genuinely friendly people? Yes.

Do you buy your friends gifts? I try to when I can 

What was the last thing you plugged in? My phone to the charger.

How old are you? 29

What color headphones do you own? They’re black.

Have you ever shopped on Urban Outfitters? No, just a reminder than I'm fat

Where do you buy the majority of your clothing? Amazon, Goodwill

Would you rather wear necklaces or earrings? Necklaces

Do you consider yourself fortunate? Very

Do you enjoy watching fights? Nooo.

Have you ever been in a physical fight? No way

Do you tend to talk badly about people? I try not to but everyone is guilty of that

Where are your parents as of now? Watching tv in the tv room

Does your computer cooperate most of the time? I literally just bought it so yes haha

Does your family have any cheesy traditions? Kind of

When did you last go to a book store? Gosh it’s been a while!

What’s the closest book store where you live? Barnes & Noble.  

How much money do you have on you right now? On hand, $20.

Favorite personal feature? my hair and my lips

Are you wearing make up at the moment? Nope.

Favorite television channel? Bravo, E!, ID, HBO

Describe any piercings or tattoos you might have? 6 tattoos no piercings

Have you ever been fired from a job? INope

Are you currently losing a best friend? No.

Describe the worst day of your life: I’m good.

Do you play any video games? Not at the moment

Would you say you hate anyone? I feel hatred towards racists, homophobics, ect.

Do you think freckles are cute? Very cute!

Last time you went to the mall? Gosh its been a really long time

Name something that’s your favorite color: anything teal

Have you been to Red Lobster before? Yesssss. I want seafood

Do you judge by appearances? Anyone who tells you they don't to some degree is a fucking liar.

Do you follow a certain religion? No thank you

Who is your role model, if you had to choose? Im not really sure

Would you rather have nice hair or lips? Hair.

What are you most self conscious about? Pretty much my whole body

Do you have any family members who live out of town? Yeah.

Do you consider yourself short? Nope, I'm average height for a girl

What room are you in? Mine.

Hoodies or jackets? Hoodies.

Are you outside a lot? No not really. The sun doesn’t like my skin haha

Have you ever been dumped via text message? Nope

Do you like dreamcatchers? Not really

What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? I don’t have one.

Do you hate repetitive people and things? Depends on the situation

Do you think autocorrect is a blessing or curse? BOTH

Do you believe in any particular curses? No.

Ever play a Ouija board? Nope, my mom wouldn't let me growing up

What movie scares you the most? The Exorcist. I can watch the movie now no problem but it FUCKED up my childhood.

What was your bedtime as a child? 9. I remember watching Happy Days from 8-9

Reason why your favorite holiday is your favorite: Who doesn't love Christmastime?

Do you work with any close friends? I work with my baby daddy

Do you consider yourself spoiled? I would say in some way I'm probably spoiled

Do you listen to any country music? yes

Favorite high school teacher: I don’t specifically remember any high school teachers I liked. Probably my French teacher. He was super cool!

Do you ever get drunk? Of course. Can’t drink yet tho until after baby

Have you ever had highlights before? Nope

Favorite number: 7,10

Do you still sleep with any stuffed animals? Not anymore. I used to for a a long time 

 What is your biggest regret in life? Eh I've got a few

Would you say you think you have a mental disorder of some kind? Depression/anxiety. Ive taken meds for it 

Are you normally an independent person? I like to think myself as independent but my boyfriend sure takes care of me. I dunno what id do without him

Do you have any paintings? a few

What is one clothing fad you wish never existed? anything from the early 2000s haha

Do you like to be organized? Do I like it? Yes. Am I organized? NO

Have you ever failed a class before? oh yes

Ever been judged because of your weight? All the time. Not so much as an adult tho

What is your favorite breakfast cereal? The sugary bad ones, ha.

Ever had a wish come true? Nope

Do you regret meeting any of your exes? No way

Do you own any coloring books? Yes haha those adult ones

What’s the meanest thing someone’s called you? I can’t think of anything specific. Probably fat

Have you ever bullied someone? I likely have, unfortunately :(

Do you ever watch Lifetime? Only for the reality shows

Ever tried to intentionally sabotage someone’s grade? God no

Do you own any brown clothing? Hmmm I don’t think so

What color are your walls painted? White.

Last thing you drank: I’m drinking decaf coffee 

Have you ever seen a tornado in person? Noooo.

Do you have an inground pool at your house? Nope

What is the first digit of your phone number?  9

What’s the prettiest town you’ve been to? Anywhere in England

Do you tend to sleep a lot? yes and no. I’m taking sleeping meds but it’s hard for me to fall asleep

Silver or gold jewelry? Silver

Do you sometimes celebrate holidays early? Not usually. My boyfriends family Is out of state tho

Have you ever been in love? Yes.

What’s the best gift you’ve ever received? My unborn child

When was the last time you showered? Last night

Would you consider yourself attractive? Sometimes yes

Has anyone made you mad today? Nope

Favorite smell: Vanilla

Are you afraid of insects? I wouldn't say afraid

Do you have any children? I’ve got one cookin in the oven haha

If so, what are their names? I’ll tell you when I know the gender

Would ever consider having children in the future? MORE children? Lets see how traumatized this first one is haha

Have you ever lived on a farm? No.

Ever played any sports? Oh yes, played soccer till I was 18 

Do both of your parents have jobs? They're both retired from jobs they were at for 40+ years

Where is the best place you’ve been on vacation to? Its a tie between South Africa, London and Colorado

Are you afraid people won’t accept you? Not anymore. Being an adult means getting over that haha

Are you, for the most part, an honest person? I try to be

Did you make prank phone calls as a child? oh yes!

Do you like to make donations? Yeah.

What is your current ringtone? Just the standard apple ringtone

Meet anyone from your past lately? No.

Have you ever called a teen suicide line? No.

Have you ever caught something on fire? Not that I can think of

Ever been obsessed with a show? Ive been obsessed with many shows

What type of perfume or cologne do you use? English Laundry Signature

What’s the last book you read? The book that Ted Bundys girlfriend wrote

Dream career: Zooologist

Have you ever climbed a mountain before? Yes, in Colorado

At what age do you plan to get married? Not sure, we aren't in a rush to marry

Ever been in a car accident? Yes, three

[rehkhana]

how to untwist your mentality and have better control of your mental health

This is a guide for the people who have been in a bad place for awhile and don’t really know how to get out of it; this will be more directed at students, as school can be a lot of stress for people and can be what caused people to fall into a slump to begin with, but that doesn’t mean it can’t help if you’re not a student!

You have to remember its all about constant and consistent progress, you’re not going to jump from getting by to thriving in a day, a week, or even a month. You need to set very reasonable goals for yourself, and maybe even underestimate yourself a little at first so you don’t overwhelm yourself, it will only hurt your motivations and make you doubt any progress you’ve made so far. 

Remember, everyone crawls before they walk, walks before they run, and they have to keep running before they can work their way up to the marathon. Also, by no means am I saying that doing all these steps or making all these changes in your life will make depression or other mental illnesses magically disappear, but it can make it much easier to manage and have less intense affects on your daily life.

From what I’ve learned from trying to manage myself, there are five aspects that people usually need to work on to see an overall improvement:

Hygiene/Organization

Self Image

Fitness

Diet

Social Media Usage

Now all of these may seem either daunting or pretty superfluous, but they all work together and can make a huge change in people lives.

Hygiene/Organization

First off, hygiene and organization can make a huge change in people lives. Spending 15 minutes a day and tidying up your desk area, putting away pens and pencils, sorting papers into the correct folders, putting laundry away, cleaning up dirty clothes off of your bedroom floor, cleaning up dirty dishes, putting clean dishes away, wiping off the bathroom sink, anything that cleans up in a small way can make a huge difference on how you perceive your environment. Continually passing by something and thinking “I need to do this” or “I need to clean that,” can take a huge toll on your mental health if it continues to be an issue, as tasks build up and they become much bigger monsters than they should be. I know it can be difficult motivating and getting yourself to do these things, even if you know its beneficial to you. I understand the lethargy, but sometimes you just need to get up and force yourself to do it. Here’s what I started doing to get myself back on track:

Make yourself a habit tracker: don’t put every single task you want to make into a habit on there at once, because you’ll overwhelm yourself. Put two or maybe three tasks on there, and keep them on there until you do them constantly for 21 days or 21 times at the interval of your choosing. 

Once you get a task down for 14 days or intervals, add another task or habit you want on there. For those of us that have the problem of forgetting to shower or eat breakfast, this is perfect. Soon enough you’ll start building habits for the little things.

Don’t put huge tasks on your habit tracker; this is for small tasks that don’t require more than a half an hour of time at max 

For larger tasks, have a small planner. It doesn’t need to be extravagant, just something to get the job done. This planner is for your and you only, and it will stay that way unless you choose to share it with others, so remember that when writing down things you need to do or events you need to attend.

If you still have issues remembering and holding yourself to your schedule, talk to someone close to you and ask them to help you on your journey, or set up reminders on your phone or computer, put sticky notes around the house or apartment, anything to remind yourself.

Self Image

Secondly, and I believe this is the largest obstacle that everything else plays into, is your self image. Hygiene and organization play a large part into self image, as do the other three topics I will talk about soon, but overall there are some small (or large depending on how frequently these things occur or how closely you tie yourself to them) that you can do to improve your self image: 

Stop saying self depreciating things. An excellent guide on specifically this topic can be found here that was made by @colacharm and a few others.

Have an honest self reflection session. Do NOT just focus on your flaws but also celebrate all your positive traits. The simple act of self reflecting speaks great volumes about your character. It should be an informative session for yourself rather than a session for you to chastise yourself. 

For students, start de-associating your worth with your grades. Everyone fails, everyone falls, everyone has weak moments where they have to pick themselves back up. @study-fox made a great guide on how to deal with failure here. Even if you don’t get the grade you were hoping for in the end, it does not mean you’re less of a person or a bad student. 

Air out your issues to someone who you trust. Don’t just drop it on them spur of the moment, but ask them if it would be okay if you rant to them a little bit or have a serious conversation about yourself with them. This will let them know that this means a lot to you and is a serious matter. If they don’t want to or aren’t taking the issue seriously, just choose someone else to talk to or seek out other help. If you have a good relationship with one or both of your parents, they can be excellent support. High school counselors can be a good person to go and air out your emotions to if need be, and most colleges have support groups that you can go to as a good option. Even if you don’t go to school or have completed school, there usually is a support group in your area if you go looking for it. I understand for many money is an issue and professional therapy isn’t a viable option due to it, but there are still other resources that you can seek out:

Anxiety and Depression Support Groups here

Depression and Bipolar Disorder Groups here

OCD Support Groups here

Managing Mental Health in General here

Realize that criticism is not meant to insult you, but help you better yourself. This is a hard lesson I’ve learned and that I’m still learning. There will always be some people in the world that are out to get you riled up, but just realize that you don’t own them anything, not a single explanation or reaction, and just walk away or leave a situation like that. People who truly want to help you improve yourself and help you on your journey won’t try to upset you and will apologize if they do. 

One thing that can contribute greatly to self esteem issues and depression is feeling like you’re not doing anything or at least anything productive. Start a hobby of continue with a hobby that involves physical things or produces something that can be seen in quantity; art, writing, coin collecting, baking, cooking, ect. Even if you hobby is something that may not be able to be put into quantity, find a way to make it visible; if you have a passion or hobby of learning a language, start making physical flashcards. Having something to remind yourself that you are doing something can always help during the rainy days. 

Fitness and Exercise

Another factor that can affect your mental health is fitness and exercise. Now note that I’m not saying yoga will solve all your problems or that you should go out and become a gym junkie (although do so if you would like), exercise and physical exertion in general is an excellent way to relieve stress and pent up tension. While I don’t have the studies on hand, there have been studies linking cardio exercise to improved mood for up to 8 hours after about a 15-20 minute cardio session. Doing some exercise as simple as stretching out your muscles can make a big impact on how you physically feel and can relieve aches that have bugging you for weeks or months if you just stretch it out. Personally, just doing about 15 minutes of stretches a day has made a huge impact on how I physically feel and I’ve been having less issues with my shoulders and upper back because of it. For those of you that want to add a bit of physical exertion to your day but just can build up the motivation to do so, find it too tedious to do so, or just don’t have the time for a serious workout, here are some tips that may help:

If you have a Wii, pull it out and hook it up and play some Just Dance! It’s pretty fun if you like the songs you pick out on there and dancing to about 2-3 songs depending on how long they are will get in about 10-15 minutes of cardio, which is enough time to get in that mood benefit. 

If you don’t have a Wii or don’t have Just Dance, you can pull up the videos of them on Youtube or just pull up some videos of choreography to any song you want and follow along in the motions. The point here isn’t to become a professional dancer or even to become good at dancing, its to have some fun while getting in some cardio. 

If you’re not a fan of dancing, pull up some of those old 80s exercise videos, some of them can be fairly intense, but they can still make exercising pretty entertaining. 

If you’re more for just stretching out, put on some calming songs or sounds and just start stretching out. It doesn’t have to be an extremely long session or anything, it can be as short as 5 minutes, just something to releases some of the stress built up in your muscles. 

In general, you don’t need to go to the gym for hours each day to get benefits from exercise, just 15 minutes at home doing some stretching or something to exert yourself can have so many benefits alone. 

You don’t have to sit there and just run on a treadmill or bike for 15 minutes while staring at a wall. You can pull out a phone, tablet, laptop, or even flashcards and work a bit on studying, responding to emails, working on a paper, anything you want so you get two things done at the same time.

Diet and Nutrition

Now another important factor is diet. The saying “you are what you eat” has quite a bit of truth to it. If you have only an Iced coffee for breakfast, skip lunch, and eat a huge dinner everyday, your body isn’t going to have enough constant energy to keep you going all day and you will hit a wall. Also, what you eat makes makes an impact. Are you eating stuff that fulfills all your daily nutrient needs? Are you eating enough calories? Are you dispersing your food and energy intake evenly throughout the day or do you eat the majority of your daily food intake at one particular time or meal? You need to take note of your diet and see how all these play out in your daily life. My recommendation or this is writing down every single thing you eat every day for 3-7 days, depending on whether you diet is extremely varied or if you eating something fairly similar every day. Now, do not track calorie count, nutrient percentages, or ingredients in any of the foods until after you are done writing everything down; if you calculate all this during your tracking period, you will unconsciously or consciously change your diet to accommodate for nutrients you discover you are lacking or over-indulging on. After this calculating all this, figure out what long-term and permanent diet changes you are able and willing to do. I will make this comment also for my vegan and vegetarian friends out there, to make sure you buy supplements or vitamin fortified foods for nutrients majorly or only found in animal products, like vitamin B12, which is important in maintaining mental health. Now, here are some quick tips that worked for me. As a disclaimer, I am not saying this will work for you or is viable for you, but I’m sharing my own experience on what worked. 

Cut down on a lot of processed sugars. I don’t eat a whole ton of really sugary foods. I still eat things with sugar mind you, I still put a teaspoon of sugar in my morning coffee and eat chocolate every once in a while and what not, but I've cut almost completely cut out a lot of things like gummy bears, sour patch kids, soda, ect. Honestly a lot of my go to snacks have become Triscuits, dried fruits, yogurts, and granola and fruit bars. 

If you drink coffee in the morning, eat something before you drink coffee. Eating something in the morning makes a big difference in how you feel throughout the day, and caffeine suppresses your appetite, so drinking coffee before you eat anything will discourage you from eating or discourage you from eating enough. If you must drink coffee before you eat anything, cut down on the amount you drink before you eat, then drink the rest after you eat. 

Drink enough liquids!! Water is a necessity but honestly just drinking enough healthy liquids in general is key. I like to drink one glass of cranberry juice a day a long with one glass of milk in addition to all the water I drink. It’s crazy how just drinking one extra glass or day or just drinking enough can affect your system in amazing ways. I’d recommend the app Plant Nanny to remind yourself to drink enough water, its for both apple and android. 

Now, this is not something I’ve had experience with it so I’m not going to go in depth about it so I don’t mess up the facts or give anyone the wrong idea of how to deal with it. If you have an eating disorder of any kind, or think you may have one, or something seems off, please go here. I want every single one of you who read this post to be healthy, mentally, physically, and emotionally. 

Do not fall for fad diets! Everyone needs carbs, everyone needs fats, everyone needs enough food! Do not get sucked into thinking that ‘cleanses’ or ‘purges’ are good for you! The best way you can become healthier through diet is by creating a sustainable diet that covers all your needs, not by following one of these diets for a month or two and getting temporary changes or results. These do a lot more harm in both the long and short run than people realize.

Social Media

Now this one also contributes to of the above. Social media is a wonderful invention, it gives everyone a voice, lets everyone be connected, and introduces people to new ideas and things that they may have never known about. But given all this, its a tool that can very easily manipulate your mindset into thinking that you’re not good enough or not doing enough. I will never say to cut off social media, as its become pretty heavily integrated into our culture now, but here are some thing I would recommend:

Do not use social media at all for 1-7 days. See how much more free time you have, how it makes a difference, and how you feel while not using it. Use this time to focus on a hobby, focus on yourself, or accomplish some daily tasks you want or need to tackle. 

When you get back onto social media, purge your subscriptions and follows. Don’t follow or subscribe to anyone you do not enjoy seeing updates from or do not anticipate seeing updates from. You want all your posts or videos in your feed to be pertinent to you, so you spend less time searching or mindlessly scrolling in content. 

Do not be afraid to clean house with your social media. If you don’t really use one form of social media and only check it just to say you did, then just get rid of it. Recently I made an entirely new tumblr account because my other one was about 4 years old and it wasn’t giving me any positivity or joy anymore and I realized was just something I was clinging to because it was habit and a huge distraction from things I needed to do. I only followed a few dozen blogs on this tumblr to prevent me from being able to mindlessly scroll for literal hours and prevent myself from being productive. Sometimes you just need to push the restart button on some things to have good impacts on your life.

Conclusions 

Overall, I’d say take this guide with a grain of salt. All this advice comes from my own experiences and my own progress with my mental health. I still have bad days and bad periods, but overall they are less frequent and less intense since I started making changes like these. My experiences won’t be the same as yours, but I do hope everyone that reads this can find relief in their life and make some positive progress in managing their mental health. Here is some more resources that I’ve used in better knowing, understanding, and managing my mental and physical health: 

To be able to more easily identify emotions and emotional triggers, I use the Youper App, which is available on apple and android.

One category I didn’t touch on was sleep, which is also absolutely crucial. I personally suffer from quite a few sleep issues, insomnia and sleep paralysis being the most prominent, and I use the Runtastic Sleep Better app which functions as a sleep tracker and allows me to track disturbances in my sleep, as well as the quality of sleep I get each night. Its available on both apple and android.

Keeping a dream journal can allow you to more easily recognize what is a dream and what is not while you’re sleeping, which is immensely helpful for us who struggle with nightmares. 

I listen to ASMR a lot and I know its not everyone’s thing but if you haven’t listened to it I’d say try it and go into the experience with an open mind. I’d personally recommend WhispersRed ASMR and Gentle Whispering ASMR, they both have a wide range of videos that you can watch and see what works for you personally. 

Think of one thing a day that you appreciate or enjoy and write that thing down. Keep it in a journal or in a jar, just somewhere those writings will be safe, where you can go back and look at them on those days that are much worse than others.

Lastly, I will say trying to manage your own mental health is hard! Please reach out to someone or a group to help you in your journey. If you can afford a professional therapist then you’re golden, but I know some cannot so even just having someone there to give you support can immensely help. I hope this guide can be helpful to some! 

#mental health #positive mental attitude #studyblr #studyspo #bujo #bullet journal #mental disorder #managing mental illness #life inspiration

[asktheroyalcourt]

For The Crown - Chapter 1

Chapter 1 - The Contest

My eyes blinked open. Rubbing them with my palms, I sat up in bed, thoughts of dreams the night before swimming in my mind's eye. I could never remember any of them particularly clearly. I took up a small hairbrush from the arm of couch next to my bed, and ran it quickly through my short, wavy, blonde hair. I looked around my room. Nothing in it even romotely suggested that today would be one of the most extrodainary days of my life. I picked up my blue and purple glasses from the bedside table to my left, and slipped them on. It was strange. I felt like getting up today. Usually I'd sleep in for a little bit. Then I remembered my alarm. It hadn't gone off. I grabbed my phone off the bedside table next to me, flipped the cover and pushed the power button. It greeted me with a cartoon picture of a character I admired, and a small clock. It was eight-twenty-two. About time to get up. Under the clock, it said Saturday. That was the reason it hadn't gone off. It was the weekend, finally. I got up, careful not to knock into the small trestle table I kept in my room, and pulled a pair of tights and a singlet out of my pajama drawer. I went down the hallway and into the bathroom, and got changed in there. I had noticed my sister's door at the opposite end of the hallway was closed, a signal that she hadn't gotten up yet. Once I was changed, I went back to my room and put some music on my phone. Duality by Set It Off started playing. I went over to a whiteboard I kept on my desk opposite my bed. It detailed what I was doing that week, and what excercise I was supposed to do each day. I'd do twenty of each thing. 'I can't quite contain, or explain my evil ways.' 'Or explain why I'm not sane.' 'All I can say, is this is your warning,' 'I can't quite contain, or explain my evil ways.' 'Or explain why I'm not sane.' 'All I can say, is this is your warning.' 'Duality.' First thing, sit-ups. I laid down on the ground, and started. I could almost make my forehead touch my knees now. It was a great improvement. When I started doing excercise, I could barely get my upper back off the ground. That was probably already a bad sign. 'I have a confession.' 'That you would not believe, that you could not perceive, this freak, gonna set it off.' 'I have a confession.' 'Of a side that I hide, it's a cloak or disguise, unleashed, gonna get it off.' 'No, I'll never get away,' Five down, fifteen to go. 'Cause if I try to stray,' 'It only holds me closer.' 'No I'll never get away.' 'I'll have it anyway.' 'I'll never stop.' 'I can't quite contain, or explain my evil ways.' 'Or explain why I'm not sane.' 'All I can say, is this is your warning,' 'I can't quite contain, or explain my evil ways.' 'Or explain why I'm not sane.' 'All I can say, is this is your warning.' 'Duality.' 'Du-Duality.' 'Du-Duality.' Ten to go. 'I have an impression, in the back of my mind.' 'For the black in my tie, contains, our dirty thoughts.' 'Make me an obsession, when you lock me inside,' 'For the ride of your life, unleashed, gonna set it off.' Five to go. 'No, can't count the list of things,' 'I know are wrong with me.' 'No need to justify them.' 'No, I'll never take the blame.' 'So I'll just stay the same.' 'I'll never stop.' Done. I checked the next thing on the list. Crunches. Right. I laid flat on my back again, and started repeatedly curling into a ball. 'I can't quite contain, or explain my evil ways.' 'Or explain why I'm not sane.' 'All I can say, is this is your warning,' 'I can't quite contain, or explain my evil ways.' 'Or explain why I'm not sane.' 'All I can say, is this is your warning.' 'Duality.' 'Du-Duality.' 'Du-Duality.' 'I'm blind.' 'I am evil.' 'I am souless.' 'I am chaos.' 'I am human.' 'And that's all,' 'I've ever,' 'Wanted,' 'To be.' Fifteen to go. 'No, can't count the list of things,' 'I know are wrong with me.' 'No need to justify them.' 'No, I'll never get away.' 'So I'll have it anyway.' 'I'll never stop.' Ten to go. 'I can't quite contain, or explain my evil ways.' 'Or explain why I'm not sane.' 'All I can say, is this is your warning,' 'I can't quite contain, or explain my evil ways.' 'Or explain why I'm not sane.' 'All I can say, is this is your warning.' 'Duality.' 'Du-Duality.' 'Du-Duality.' Five to go. The song ended, and I paused it before finishing the last five. I didn't need to wake people up. When I did finish, I got up, grabbed some clothes out of the chest of drawers, and went into the bathroom to shower. When I done, I came back to my room to dump my pajamas back on my bed and pick up my phone. I then grabbed a black hoodie off my couch and slipped it on, putting my phone in the hoodie pocket. I looked in the mirror for a second. I was wearing black denim shorts, purple, blue, pink, and cyan coloured galaxy tights, and a purple t-shirt with the words, 'It's Me,' on it in black. My short wavy blonde hair was tucked behind my ear, and a small strand too short to tuck away hung over my glasses. I puffed out a bit of air, blowing it up and into the wavy bundle. My eyes were a light blue. Blonde hair and blue eyes were often a symbol of cletic heritage. I was proud of that. I then walked down the hallway and turned left into the kitchen. I went into the butler's pantry and grabbed some lying instant noodles. I put them in a small black bowl with words written in white on the side. 'Can't talk. Eating.' I put the noodle brick in the bowl, and filed it up with warm water. I then put the noodles in the microwave, and set the timer for five minutes, thirty seconds. I pushed go, and walked over to the widescreen computer by a bookshelve and turned it on. I logged into my user and opened a webpage. I instictively tapped N into the search bar, Netflix showing up as an instant search, but I didn't click enter. When I opened a webpage, it showed me a news spread as my homepage, and one in particular caught my eye. 'King gives up crown to contest winner!' I clicked immediately. The news article read as such. 'King Johnathon intends to step down and relinquish his crown and title to the winner of a compettition designed by the king himself.' 'Whoever wins said contest will be crowned and be the new ruler of the kingdom. Anyone is allowed to enter, as long as they can move and think.' 'If you are willing to compete, please be at the castle gates by one o'clock this coming Monday.' 'I wish good luck to all. It's going to be a lot harder than you think. -King Johnathon.' I lent back in my chair, thinking. It'd be something, that was for sure. I pressed enter and was taken to Netflix, where I clicked a show called Forensic Files. I put the contest out of my mind and wondered what horrific murder I'd learn about today. ~ The place I lived in was called, 'The Land Of Many Worlds.' Straight up Valerian stuff really. Many different types of creatures, people, and monsters alike lived here, all goverened by one king and his court. I lived in the Earth district, with my family. My mum, my dad, my little sister and my little brother. I didn't get on well with my sister Aurora most of the time, and I was almost always breaking up fights between her and my brother Owen. My dad did IT, computers and such. He was away half the time, doing work for the schools in the area. My mum stays at home with us. There are many other worlds, I couldn't even begin to count how many have joined the kingdom over the years. Creatures and aliens of all types stated to live amongst us, even in the earth district. The top of the chain, right below the king, where the Adoleans. They were magic wielders that looked human, but you soon realiesed that they were not. Then the Citetrons. They were sour and science obsessed. Their IQ was above the greatest Earth scientists, and their tchnology vouched for that. Then came the Humans, us, then there was the Anima-Beasts. Half-human, half-animal creatures. They were actually smarter than you'd give then credit for. Then the Treajans.They adored art in all it's forms. From painting to combat, nobody could best them. Then, at almost poverty status, the Make-Believers. These were creations people had created, and then left to rot. Robots, deformed animals, magical beings with no form to call it's own, test tube children who failed their creators, ect. Many, many more species existed between the levels, but many of each stayed with the Make-Believers. The contest the king had set was causing uproar. The fact that anybody could join and/or win the crown, was a fact nobody among the upperclasses appreciated. But it made the lower ones happy. It was a chance for maybe a Make-Believer to win, and give them all a better life. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't want any part of it. I wanted the shot too. It was human nature, but I hoped that if I did win I wouldn't turn into some Napoleon/Hitler character. I'd rather kill myself than joing the top ten world's worst leaders. Oh wait. Hitler did kill himself. Whelp. Moving on. ~ It was Sunday, the day before the big contest was due to start. I'd asked my parents the night before if I could compete, but they didn't appear to be listening, and their default response was, 'Yeah,' or, 'Mhmm.' So I took my answer. It never said anything about dying, so I assumed it was safe. The Monday rolled around. At twelve-forty-eight I stood at the castle gates in the big city area. The castle was huge, and made of light dusty blue brick. The gates were wrought iron, and thousands of people swarmed at the gates. I saw Adoleans, Citetrons, Anima-Beasts and Make-Believers alike. I wondered if somebody was filming this. I pulled my hood up to cover my face, just in case. I had a steel sword in my belt, just in case someone decided to use violence and they didn't provide weapons. It was blunted, of course. But it could still give you a concussion and one hell of a bruise, if not break a bone or two. Whispered conversations were coming from the crowd. Ah, now I heard them. News reporters from all over the kingdom talked in every language possible. I heard a few talking in English, and I heard that it was being broadcasted live. Probably to every TV in the kingdom. I wondered if my family was watching. Probably not. At precisely one o'clock, the wrought iron gates swung open. The entire crowd rushed foward, almost pushing me to the ground. I regained my balance and started pushing back. Then the crowd stopped and a defeaning roar was heard. I saw a huge three headed lion tower over the crowd. The news article said nothing about this being deadly! I unsheathed my sword, uncertain if it was going to do much damage. Then, all at once, guns, magic spells, energy blasts, everything was thrown at the lion by those at the front. The monster came down easy, and I sheathed my sword before running on with the crowd. I passed a large lion paw on the way past, and I stopped and petted it gently. "Sorry about that." I ran through a large doorway towering above us, and stopped before I fell off a platform and lava. I realised I was actually near the front. "The floor is lava!" I yelled back. People started running ahead of me, slowly slifting through onto numerous floating objects. I jumped onto a nearby table. Two other people did the same thing simultaneously. One almost fell off and into the lava, but I grabbed their wrist and held them steady. The two were Make-Believers. The one I grabbed was monotone and translucent, while the other was small and dark, with six pairs of arms and wore black. "Thanks." Said the monotone one. "No problem." I said. "Spider." Said the dark one, her right middle arm held out. I shook it. "Queen." I said. I almost slapped myself. Bit of a silly name for this type of thing. "I'm Invisible." Said the monotone one. "Nice meeting you both." I said. I jumped from the table onto a small coffee table, then onto a large brown leather sofa. It was loud from all the yelling of the mob, and it was hot from the lava. I wondered for a minute if it was real. Then, as if to prove my suspicions, someone tried to jump onto the couch I was on from too far away, and slipped of it and into the lava. They screamed and dissapeared beneath the surface. Blood thundered through my ears. This was very real. Suddenly the yells of the crowd suddenly sounded like the screams of the dead. My sword burnt my skin when I brushed against it as I jumped from object to object. What was I even doing here? This wasn't my place, I should be watching all this in my house with my family, not actually competing. I stood still on a dining table. I was never going to win. I was going to die. I looked around. So many people had disapeared into the lava, but many still remained, and some had even gotten to the end of the large hall, and had made their way to the next room. I wasn't going to let myself be outdone by people like them. I jumped from the dining table onto a chair, then a microwave, then a fridge, then a chair, then a couch, then a bedframe, then a table again. I was thankful for my gripy shoes. I wore black and white sneaker-boots, which went up to my knees. They were my favourite, and I'm glad they were helping out. Soon enough, I made it to the next doorway with hundreds behind me, but hundreds ahead. The next obstacle was scafolding. Lots, and lots, of scafolding. I grabbed a bar and started climbing up to the top. It was very high. The floor beneath me was water. It was so deep, I couldn't see the bottom. Then, a person ahead of me, a Citeron, fell from the bars and into the water. He tried to swim to the lowest bar, but a huge shark swam out from under him and swallowed him whole. I realized more people were following behind me, and decided to get a wriggle on. I climbed throughout the bars like a monkey, going upside down, spinning, balancing, and twisting my limbs in ways that really shouldn't be possible. I reched the end, and realised that there was a large gap between the scafolding and the small chunk of concrete tile that you could land on to pass to the next room. I saw people on the other side, and I knew my time was limited. I unhooked my legs off of the bar I was currently slothing on, and started swinging. Once I'd gained enough momentum, I let go. I landed on the other side and somersault to my feet. I made it. I sped into the next room, where it was absolute chaos. There was a sign hanging from the roof that said, 'Pick A Door, Any Door!' I looked at the many doors infront of me. There were just doors without walls for ages. As far as I could see, there was no gigantic doorway at the end. I assumed you had to go through the small doors to get to the big one. I picked the first clear door I saw. I walked up to it and opened it. I didn't have a chance to see what was inside before it shut behind me. But once I saw what was in the room, I immediately shoved on the door, rattling the door knob furiously. It was black nothingness, and something white, gooey looking and melting was oozing out from the floor. It slowly grew taller, and the gooey stuff crew cavities in what i assumed was it's face, a great, wide, disgusting, smiling mouth, and gaping wide eyes. My heart raced faster, my movements frantic. I turned to face it. It was huge, and it was getting closer, it's disgusting, melted and eerie face leering at me. I unsheathed my sword, the blade twitching, my movements uncertain. It's smile looked fake now, it's empty eyes containing a small prick of white light against the dark holes. I slipped around the door to the oppisite side, and tried the handle again. Nothing. I took a deep breath and steadied myself, leaning against the door for support. I must've picked the wrong door, that's why it had locked me away with this, this, this thing! I looked at my feet, and I noticed white ooze leaking around the side of the door. I looked to both my left and right. The ooze was slowly curling around the sides, as though to incase me if I froze longer. I slowly looked up. I don't know what sound came out of my mouth. A gasp. A scream. A yelp. I didn't know. All I knew was that the leering, melted face was grinning at me from above the doorframe. I lept foward, away from it. I then turned back to it, I was not letting it out of my sight. The melted, slimey creature engulfed the door and crawled towards me, getting bigger every second. "This isn't a game, Atana." It said. "Nobody can save you." "You're spent. Your turn is over." A game? Spent? Over? No, I didn't think so. "So? I'm not scared of you! We made you, I can take you apart!" I said. I didn't know where those words came from, but I think I said them. "I'll knock you right out of the frame!" I held the sword infront of me, bracing for a sudden attack. I was correct to brace myself. The slimey being leapt at me, head first. I dodged to the side, upset I was caught off guard. "I won't stop until you're gone!" Said the slime. I chuckled, and looked it in the eye. "Game on." It was my turn to attack. I swung my sword at the slime monster, it morphed backwards and I missed, but I turned the blade upwards and came down again with a diagonal strike. It somehow dodged again. I was loosing patience. I drew my sword back to my side, and aimed a stab at it's 'body.' I lunged, but it stretched, making a hole in it's middle. My sword flew through it, but I pulled back before the creature could clamp down on the blade. "What do you hope to gain from all this?" It said, lunging for me, but missing. "What do you mean?" I said shortly. I didn't intend on wasting my breath on small-talk, except when it was a particularly witty one-liner. Then I made allowances. "What do you hope to gain from this, this contest? Material gain? A throne? People to lord over?" I scoffed. "Only fools risk their lifes for those things." I said, holding my sword close. The creature was a few feet away. I pondered how to attack. "I play for naught." The creature threw it's head back and cackled. It's laugh was sharp and hideous. "No one in this world plays for naught!" "Very well," I said, putting my right leg behind me. "I do play for gain." I stepped foward and lunged with my arms outstretched. The blade came a milimetre to the creature's neck. It looked suprised I'd caught it off guard. It just stared me in the eye, it's white eyelights flickering, sharp slimey teeth bared. "I play for pride, and knowledge. That's my gain." The creature cackled again. My patience had run out. I brought up my left elbow and slammed it into the creature's left side, bringing it to the ground. I held the tip of the blade above it's head. It cackled no longer. "Don't you dare laugh at me. Fools laugh at others. Wisdom laughs at itself. Remember that." I said. I drew my blade away from the stunned and melted being, and started walking towards the door. After a few steps, I turned back to the creature. "My name is Queen. Never forget it." Instilled with a new passion to persever, I stalked towards the door, sheathing my sword. My hand was on the handle, and I found it turned easily. I opened it, and was about to step out of the room. "W-Wait! Could you take me with you?" Said the melted slime creature. I looked back at it. It still lay on the floor, but as it noticed me turn my head it stood up straight. I looked at the door, then at the slime creature. I thought it over in my head. "Fine." The slime monster cackled again, quietly this time. It quickly slid over to me, and I walked out the door, the creature following me. I looked at the end of the room of many doors, and now saw a tall doorway. Many of the doors were still barricaded with steel. I walked towards the door, my head held high and a hand on the hilt of my sword. "So, what do you think the next obstacle is?" Said the slime creature. "I don't know. It could be anything, really." I said. "First was a giant lion, that was felled pretty easily. Second, was Floor Is Lava, a human game, so that was easy enough. Third, the scafolding with the water and the giant killer sharks, that was easy enough if you knew what you were doing, and fourth was this." I counted off the obstacles on my right hand. It was like a giant obstacle course. No shite, Sherlock, I told myself. "Do you have a name?" I asked the slime creature. It looked suprised. "No, I don't think so. The king pulled me out of nowhere. I probably didn't exist before this whole game thing started." "Then how did you know mine?" "I dunno. Just kinda knew." 

#action #forthecrown #for_the_crown #thenewqueenofgames #queen #originalstories

[lockedstuck]

they have covered my sky with crystal

2021, 04/08 - Sollux Captor

Dr. Vandayar is not the clinician who sees you today. Instead, it’s Dr. Cao, who keeps squinting at the light as if he’s got either a hangover or a migraine.

“So, Krishna tells me that you’ve made up your mind about ECT,” he says.

“I have.”

“And?”

“I want to do it,” you say. “On one condition.”

“And that is?” Dr. Cao asks smoothly, as if he’s accustomed to bartering with patients over undesirable treatments.

“If there isn’t any improvement by the seventh treatment, you let me go home. I’d be giving up almost three weeks of my life for this, but I have a lot to do. No doubt that Dr. V has told you about my living situation and responsibilities to my family.”

“As a matter of fact, he has.” Dr. Cao pours himself another coffee, from the pot on his desk. “But I have conditions for you as well, Mr. Captor.”

“Yeah? What are they?”

“If you do improve within seven treatments, I’d like you to stay for at least twelve, so we can get the most out of this modality. I’d also prefer if you went for maintenance ECT twice a week, once you can be managed in an outpatient setting.”

“Fine,” you reply.

“Alright, then.” Dr. Cao flips through your chart for a moment until he finds what he’s looking for. “Dolores said you wrote a 72 hour letter earlier this morning? Are you retracting it, or…?”

“Yes, I am. I actually retracted it about an hour after I wrote it. I worry about my family a lot. And my mother had gone missing again. My dad found her a couple blocks away, but she had no clue why she’d walked out, or what she had gone out to get. She’s got really bad schizophrenia, and her meds barely work. My sibling, they keep an eye on her, but they’re also mentally ill and not always there either.”

“Who takes care of them when you aren’t in the picture?”

“My dad, sir. But he works a lot, and he can’t always be around when some shit goes down.”

“Have you considered getting a home health aide for your mother in order to ease the burden of caring for her?”

“I mean, yeah, but it’s already hard for her to trust anyone in the family,” you explain. “I don’t know how she’d react to a stranger.”

“If that’s an issue, perhaps one of your extended family members could step in? There are programs where they can collect an income to care for her. I’ll be honest with you, Sollux. I feel like a decent amount of your depression stems from having so many responsibilities.”

“You can say that again.”

“I’m serious, Sollux. The ECT will help you to establish a baseline that isn’t crushing depression, but only you can make modifications to your life situation that will ease the burden of responsibility.”

Is he really suggesting that you let some rando or some dipshit cousin who’ll only be there for the paycheck watch your mother? Does he really think that’ll stress you out less?

“I can see the skepticism in your eyes,” he adds. “Go to your 10 AM group and I’ll be around to get things settled so you can start ECT by either Friday or next Monday.”

Instead of going straight to group, you take about fifteen minutes to shower the grime and dirt off your body. This is only the fourth shower you’ve taken in thirteen days. You hate looking at all the self-injury scars, so you lather up and wash as carefully as you can in ten of those minutes.

Your 10 AM group is DBT with Marisol Perez, the extern. She’s got a vision impairment but that doesn’t stop her from leading the group, or doing her job in general. And she doesn’t miss a beat despite your being twenty minutes late. She nods at you and hands you a worksheet. 

“Today, we’re discussing interpersonal effectiveness, through the application of the ‘DEAR MAN’ skill, Sollux.”

Yeah, you remember that skill. You take a seat with June, Porrim, Eridan and Latula. June looks uncharacteristically solemn today. 

You want to wish her a happy birthday, but you don’t want to upset her further. 

Latula waves at you, Porrim smiles, and Eridan gives you a jaunty little half-salute. You try to take notes on the last few minutes of group, but your discussion with Dr. Cao has left you nervous and jittery. What if your mother runs away from home and doesn’t come back while you’re here doing ECT? Are you really willing to take that chance?

You get up from your spot in the group and jog over to the nurses’ station. Dolores sits inside the charting room typing something up. You wave her over.

“Yes, Sollux?” she asks. “What can I do for you?”

“Can I get something for anxiety?”

“Of course you can,” she says. She checks the nearby computer. “Okay, let’s see what you can have.” A pause. “Do you want the lorazepam or the hydroxyzine?”

“Both.”

“You sure that you want both? Both will probably make you sleepy.”

“I know.”

By the time she gets both out of the machine, June has taken the spot immediately behind you, and Roxy behind her. You suppose you’re not the only one who is anxious today. However, behind you, June insists on switching places with Roxy. Sweat gleams off Roxy’s forehead as she shifts her weight from one foot to the other.

Once Dolores gives you your meds, she walks out of the nurses’ station and gives Roxy a once-over.

“Here, let me get a set of vitals on you,” she says, while the blonde girl shivers. You know you’re not supposed to stick around, that Roxy’s medical data is between her and Dolores, but Roxy looks genuinely sick. You’re not close to her like Porrim, June, and Eridan are, but you’re still worried, and you are her friend.

So is Dolores, once she gets a look at Roxy’s blood pressure.

“181/97,” Dolores murmurs. “That’s way too high. You’re in withdrawal.”

“No shit,” Roxy mutters through gritted teeth, and then apologizes for cursing at Dolores, who quickly checks the computer. 

“Okay, you’re due for Ativan in an hour and a half, but right this second, you’re due for clonidine and your methadone. Do you want those, and then I can call Dr. Cao and see about giving you the Ativan a little early?”

Roxy nods hastily and takes a seat on a chair not far from the nurse’s station.

As Dolores goes into the medication room, she calls for June. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten about you, I just have to deal with this situation first.”

Dolores brings the medication to where Roxy sits. Roxy uses the liquid methadone in a styrofoam cup to swallow her clonidine. When she’s done, she gives both the medication cup and the larger cup back to Dolores.

“Okay, my dear. Sit tight and we’ll see about the Ativan when Dr. Cao calls back,” she says. She turns to June. “What was it that you wanted?”

“Anxiety meds.”

Dolores gives a little snort. “Is everyone coming to me because of anxiety? Are all of you okay? Bad group or something?”

“No, not at all. Marisol’s group was nice, but Roxy’s been anxious since before group started, Sollux was in a meeting with Dr. Cao, and I’ve been trying to manage my anxiety since right after breakfast.”

“You’re doing well, then, my dear,” Dolores replies. “And that was a kind thing you did, letting Roxy go before you.”

“It’s no problem. I’ve been waiting for something since before nine in the morning. Another couple minutes won’t hurt me.”

Dolores goes into the nurses’ station a final time and gets June’s medication together. A phone call from who only knows stalls her for a couple of minutes, and then she goes back into the med room. By the time she emerges, she has two medication cups.

“Okay, Roxy? I have your meds and June’s meds,” she calls. 

Roxy has been curled up into a ball on the bench for the last five minutes. You had given her a couple of napkins to wipe her face off, but she still looks sweaty.

“Right, June, you get two milligrams of lorazepam, and Roxy, you get… two miligrams of lorazepam,” she says. The pause makes Roxy giggle. She and June take their meds. Roxy asks Dolores if she can shower, and the latter goes into sharps to hand her her body wash, and her shampoo. 

“Make sure to give it back to me when you’re done, my dear” 

That’s when Dirk decides to walk by, and unlock the door to the outside enclosure.

“Fresh air break, everyone!” he calls. “C’mon y’all, come out and get that Vitamin D.”

“Hey Dirk!” Roxy calls, seeming slightly better. “Can you give me some of that that Vitamin D? Like, one on one?”

Dirk rolls his eyes and says something like, “They really need to up your mood stabilizers.”

You and June go outside to take in the cool air. It’s maybe sixty seven degrees outside, which isn’t bad at all. 

June takes off her hair tie and unbraids her hair. You watch several inches of almost ruler straight hair cascade down her back. Your mouth goes dry for a moment. You always had a knack for crushing on girls with long hair. June notices you looking at her and cocks her head to one side.

“Is there something on my face?”

“No, no, not at all,” you reply. “Your hair looks cute like that, though.”

Much to your surprise, June blushes. You had expected some joking nonchalance, but not that. You decide to change the subject.

“Thank you for talking to me late last night,” you tell her. “It helped more than you understand.”

You hadn’t meant to have June watch you cry at two in the morning, but she and Roxy were up in the dayroom, conducting a quiet conversation. Apparently, Roxy woke up with a bad stomach ache and muscle cramps, and that June woke up to keep her company until Ignacio could get in touch with a doctor and get Roxy a one-time late-night dose of something for pain and agitation.

While Roxy was at the nurses’ station waiting for Ignacio to finish paging the on-call doctor, you and June started shooting the shit. You told her about your father’s insistence on seeing you every single day during visiting hours, unless Aradia was visiting, since you could only have one visitor at a time. 

“I don’t understand it, June,” you told her, stray tears running down your face. “He’s sixty-three and he has diabetes and hypertension. He needs to take it easy, but he still shows up every day, after work. I wish he wouldn’t.”

“Your father loves you,” June said. “That much should be obvious.”

“Yeah, but why? I’m a waste of space. I dropped out of my master’s degree program, I barely help around the house, and I spent a week in bed, not moving. Just lazing around and hating myself. Then, I tried to cut my throat in our upstairs bathroom.”

June shook her head. 

“Unconditional love doesn’t only exist when you’re doing well. People who really love you will love you even when you’re not feeling up to do anything, even when you’re stuck in a vortex of depression. I barely left my room for a few months. And forget about going outside. I was so agoraphobic and depressed that even when my friends called me to hang out, I stayed in my room and didn’t leave.”

June rolled up her sleeves and showed you several straight-line scars covering her wrists and arms.

“My dad was shocked when he saw these. He couldn’t understand why anyone would do that. I guess that he and I both thought that once I started transitioning a couple years ago, I would never be depressed again. I told him I was suicidal, that my antidepressants had stopped working, and he brought me here. He’s not young either. He’ll be fifty-eight in a week. He has congestive heart failure. I’ve given up on telling him not to come see me every day. It’s a choice that he makes, because he loves me, and he worries about me.”

“What about your mom, though? You said a couple days ago that she was younger than your dad,” Sollux asked. “Why doesn’t she come to see you? My mom won’t come because she’s scared of psych wards.”

“My mother left when I was two. As it turns out, she wasn’t ready for the responsibility of parenting.”

Nervous, you scratched the back of your head. “Oh, wow. That’s awful. I’m sorry for bringing it up.”

“No worries. You didn’t know.”

You awkwardly ambled back to your room, where Gamzee lay in a sound sleep on the opposite bed. For some reason, sleep came easily back to you, and you awoke again at 6:40, feeling more rested than you had for a while.

Here and now, you peer into June’s bright blue eyes. She’s got a deck of cards in her hand that she arranges according to suit, to make sure none are missing. After she’s done, she sighs, annoyed.

“Someone took the three and the nine of spades, and never put them back.” She groans. “You can’t have a decent game of anything without these cards.”

“Maybe blackjack,” you suggest. “Or crazy eights.”

“We’d need more players for either one.”

[americanpsycho1991]

hi, this might be way too personal a question and if it is I'm really sorry, but my psychiatrist recently brought up ECT as a possible treatment option for me and I was just wondering what it was like for you, and did it help at all. it feels like such an intense thing to go through but he says it can really help (but i know things work differently for each person). thank you so much, I'm sending you lots of love

Long answer, it’s under the cut

Hi. No need to apologize.  Let me give you one of my classic, incredibly long answers where I say the same thing a hundred different ways and do minimal editing before I post it.

ECT is a lot to think about, and I don’t feel that I was given the proper amount of information to make a well-rounded decision at the time.  In addition to this, if you search online, you’ll find a lot of people writing about their personal experiences.  These can be intimidating, as the accounts that appear online are often the very negative ones, where people feel they were pressured into the treatment and/or sustained significant memory impairment afterwards.  You’ll find people comparing ECT to lobotomies, and saying it shouldn’t be allowed except in the most extreme of cases.  I truly don’t believe that those accounts accurately represent the procedure, but I do recommend you read a few, so that you’re aware of the kind of worst-case scenarios that hospitals won’t tell you about.  I can give you an overview of my experience, and list what I believe are the main things that are important to consider before you make any decisions.  My biggest recommendations are that you a) gather as much information as you possibly can, and b) try TMS first.  I’ll talk a little more about TMS later on.

I got a course of ECT starting at the tail end of an inpatient stay at McLean hospital, through a 2-week residential DBT program on the same campus, and after I went home as well.  I don’t recall exactly how many treatments I was intended to get; I got quite a ways in, but didn’t end up finishing the entire course.I was 19 at the time.  Some of the patients in my inpatient ward felt that the hospital was a little too enthusiastic about performing ECT - while their treatment providers weren’t pushy per se, they suggested it to a lot of patients, and didn’t seem to share the typical view of ECT as a last or extreme resort that many treatment providers have.

McLean - while certainly not perfect - is considered one of the best psychiatric hospitals in the country, and is very much oriented towards research and trying out new and modern techniques.  As such, they’re more than happy to sign up patients for ECT and TMS (which is a less extreme option that I’ll bring up later).  My memory is foggy, but I definitely remember taking several surveys and approving them to be used for research purposes.

I specifically asked for ECT, because I was feeling desperate after two previous hospitalizations and a long list of failed medications.  They gave me a basic overview of ECT and TMS, and signed me up immediately once I confirmed that I did want ECT.

The hospital absolutely did not give me enough information.  I don’t think they fully conveyed the risks, and I think they are far too eager to sign up anyone with any interest in ECT as long as they’re old enough to medically consent.  I was 19 for christs sake, and no one asked me twice.  Honestly, even if they had properly prepared me, I probably still would have chosen to go forward with it, but that’s not an excuse.  And when I say I feel like I wasn’t properly informed, that’s after I took it upon myself to ask extensive questions beyond what was on the pamphlet they handed me.  I still didn’t get full answers.  If you’ve ever been put on a medication by a doctor who didn’t even list the most common side effects, you know how that feels.  Except instead of getting a headache and not being able to orgasm, you can get permanent brain damage.  So.

I don’t fully agree with many of the people online who say that patients are pressured into being lab rats, but I do think that the hospital’s mission to make progress in the psychiatric field is sometimes placed above their duty to provide a responsible level of care to their patients.  So basically the lab rat thing, but a little more forgiving.  And again, my experience is just from one hospital.  There are far worse places to be than McLean, and I’d imagine many of them offer ECT as well.

the procedure: one of the main issues with ECT is memory loss, so my memory of the actual procedure is a little fuzzy, but here’s what I do remember: you’re either wheelchaired to the ECT waiting room, or you walk there, depending on whether you’re inpatient or not. The first time I went there, and I think once or twice afterwards, they had me sit at a little computer station and fill out a basic survey on my symptoms (rate how true each statement is from 1-4, “I feel hopeless about the future,” etc.). Once it’s your turn, they take you to a small room where you lie down on a stretcher.  They might take your vitals, and they have you take off your jacket or roll up your sleeves so they can put little electrode stickers on you. I don’t think they have you change into a gown unless you’re wearing clothes they can’t get out of the way, like skinny jeans or something. They roll you into another room, and they put an IV in your arm and put you out with anesthesia.

You wake up shortly afterwards, in a long room with full of other people waking up in their stretchers, with medical gel in your hair. That’s one of my most vivid memories; always needing to shower afterwards to get the gel out of your hair.  Someone comes over and gives you some water or juice, or crackers, makes sure you’re feeling okay, and after a little while they clear you to go back to the waiting room.  If you’re inpatient, you’ll be wheeled back up to your ward, and if you’re outpatient, they have you sit in the waiting room for a little while longer before they let you walk back out. I always felt fine - well rested, even - after waking up, but some people get more nausea and whatnot. It’s unusual to have severe symptoms. I couldn’t give you a time estimate, but it’s a surprisingly short procedure, and most of your time is spent in the waiting room or the recovery area.

Afterwards, you’ll be very tired and sometimes spacey for the rest of the day. Once I was outpatient, and getting driven to and from my appointments, I would often fall asleep in the car on the way back.  Sometimes I wouldn’t remember things that had happened that same morning.

At first, it seemed to work. On my non-ECT days in inpatient, I found I had more energy, and felt less depressed.  After a few weeks, though, it petered out and I stopped feeling positive effects from it.  I forget who was monitoring my process, but it was mutually decided that there was no point in finishing the full course.

That was about a year and a half ago. Since then, I’ve noticed that I’m more forgetful than before. I’m trying to work out my brain these days (which I probably should have done right away) to try to restore my memory, and many people who do experience short term memory damage say it fades after a few months to a year.  Even if it sticks around (like mine seems to have done), it’s seldom a level of damage that significantly impairs quality of life.  Like I said, though, there are plenty of horror stories online from people who suffered significant, permanent brain damage and have definitely been impaired by memory issues.  Just because it’s uncommon doesn’t mean it can’t happen.  I assumed that because I was young and in relatively good health, I wouldn’t have as many issues as I ended up having.

In addition to the short term memory impairment, I lost the majority of two years of memories.  If you asked me to tell you about the college courses I took during that time, I could only give you a few course titles, a vague impression of what one or two professors were like, and absolutely none of the information I learned.  I had a major confrontation with a family member during that time, that I only remembered happening because my dad brought it up recently. I still only have a vague idea of what was said.  Even my memories before that time are more blurry and distant than they used to be, and many memories that used to be present in my mind are only familiar once someone else reminds me.

Which brings me to some points to consider before making any decisions (in no particular order):

1. Being put under general anesthesia multiple times a week isn’t good for you.  This was a risk that wasn’t even mentioned to me.  It’s not like I didn’t know anesthesia isn’t good for you, but as a desperate, suicidal 19 year old, I was understandably not making the most balanced choices.  And for all the hospital knew, I could have been a very uneducated person.  I don’t blame the hospital for the decisions I made, but it should have been their job to educate me about the risks, make sure I fully understood them, and to the best of their ability, make sure that I was making as rational a decision as a suicidal 19 year old in her third inpatient ward can be expected to make.

I don’t actually know, but I assume the dose they give you for ECT is lower than it might be for surgeries.  I would still recommend you do some research on the long term effects of general anesthesia, because they can be quite concerning.

2. You can lose a significant number of memories and sustain damage to your working memory.  One of the reasons ECT is often considered an extreme resort is because of how common, how profound, and how permanent the side effects can be.  It’s like looking up a new medication that you’re taking on drugs.com and discovering that some of the most severe side effects that you’d expect to be under less common or rare are actually among the most common.  Older people or those with pre-existing neurological issues are more prone to damage from ECT, but it truly can happen to anyone. There is no way to predict it beforehand, and there is no way to tell what damage you will sustain based on how you feel during the treatments.  I sort of subconsciously assumed that, because I often felt fine and recovered more quickly than those around me in the treatment, that I wasn’t getting the bad side effects at all.  Nope.  You’ll often feel loopy, sleepy, or spaced out during the course of the treatment, and you’ll lose a lot of your immediate memories during that time, so it’s impossible to tell what kind of effects you’ll end up with in the long term.

Then again, the treatment does wonders for some people.  It’s a difficult question - do I try a treatment that may or may not help me at all, which may or may not give me long-term memory damage, but which has the potential to make a massive improvement or cure me altogether?  No one can answer that for you.

3. It’s likely you won’t be given an accurate impression of the treatment by the facility providing it.  Stories on the internet will give you the worst impression of ECT.  The hospital that provides it will give you the best impression of ECT.  In my opinion, the “truth” is somewhere in the middle.  Still, ASK.  Be irritating.  Drill whoever you’re talking to.  Ask them what the worst case scenario is.  Ask them at what point in psychiatric treatment they feel it’s appropriate to introduce that kind of risk.  They’ll tell you about the people whose lives were changed by ECT, but ask them about the people whose lives weren’t changed.  Ask them about the people like me, whose lives weren’t ruined, but weren’t saved either.  Ask how likely it is that you’ll end up with a moderate amount of damage and no benefit.  Remember that you can always have ECT in the back of your mind, but once it’s done, you can’t undo it.

Looking at websites like mayoclinic and whatnot does not provide an accurate impression of the risks. It just doesn’t. There’s no one source - except me, of course :))) - that will give you a truly accurate, balanced impression of what ECT is like.  I just googled a few sites to see what they had to say, and their descriptions make ECT sound like a walk in the park.  It’s not.

It’s not a decision that you need to make quickly.  Again, if I had been told I wasn’t allowed to get ECT until I was out of the hospital and judged to be a little more stable, I still probably would have done it.  But again, everyone is not me.

4. How will you feel having ECT as a possibility in reserve vs. having tried it and failed?  Before ECT, the stakes of my psychiatric and theraputic treatment weren’t quite so high.  They were worth a solid try, but there was always this mystical treatment that I could get if my depression got to the point where all that was left was this “extreme resort.”  I always thought it was strange and probably for insurance reasons that ECT was only for extreme cases, if it had such potential to turn my entire life around.  Why wait year after year, wasting my life trying every class of antidepressant and driving 45 minutes once a week to tell a woman I paid to listen to me that yes, I was still depressed?  Clearly I needed help, so why waste all this time making sure nothing else could possibly work first?  It gave me a sense of hope, but it also put me in a mindset where I found it difficult to fully commit to the therapy I had at the time.

The aftermath of ECT required coming to terms with some tough truths.  It was never a miracle cure.  There were perfectly legitimate reasons why it was reserved for extreme cases.  With that sense of hope gone, I felt crushed, but in a sense, I’m better off.  I feel hopeless very often, and I feel desperate, but at least I’m desperate enough to throw myself into the therapy I have, rather than wonder about the possibilities of what I don’t have.

Of course, there’s no guarantee that ECT would fail for you.  It might change your life.  A lot of people who are helped by it will go back every 6-12 months for a “tune-up.”  But I think it’s a significant enough decision that you need to evaluate how not getting ECT could affect your attitude towards other treatments, as well as being prepared to cope in case you try it and it fails.  You need to enter the treatment with the mindset that ECT failing does not mean you’re a lost cause.  It’s an extreme resort, but it’s never your last resort.  Many things - even the effectiveness of different medications - can change with time.  You can even have another go at ECT years down the road, because sometimes it works differently once you’ve had even more time to age and mature.

5. It’s not considered an extreme resort because it’s a risky-but-potentially-miraculous cure.  Like I said in the last point, I’d held misconceptions about ECT and the reason it’s not done more often for a very long time.  It’s considered an extreme resort because it’s an intense procedure, that most people don’t need, and which doesn’t have the greatest track record.  Some people have life-changing experiences with ECT.  That’s fantastic.  But I’ll bet the reason they don’t advertise the statistics is because an awful lot of people don’t.  Medication and talk therapy has a much higher success rate and much less severe or permanent downsides than ECT.  I know I’ve said it a million different ways, but it’s an awful lot of risk for something that doesn’t seem to have a particularly high success rate.

6. TMSTMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation) is like a less extreme, and much more recently invented version of ECT.  I don’t know the exact details of the treatment, but my roommate at McLean (a woman in her 40s, who had gone up and down during the years but still hadn’t given up) was getting it at the same time I was getting ECT.  Instead of shocking your brain and triggering a brain seizure, TMS is a constant electrical pulse. You stay awake the whole time. It also has potential negative side effects, but they’re generally less extreme than those of ECT.  If you’re in the US, many insurance companies have already approved coverage of TMS.  Many patients who were receiving TMS at McLean were doing so as a less extreme alternative to ECT, with the plan that if TMS was ineffective, they would be open to moving up to ECT.  If TMS can help you, it’s much better to avoid undertaking the risks of ECT altogether.  I was desperate at the time and didn’t see the point of going for the milder treatment, but in hindsight I think it’s a much wiser idea.

I’ve actually thought about TMS for myself.  I don’t know what the likelihood of it working for me now, a year and a half after ECT not working, and I’m concerned that it would make my mild tinnitus worse, but it might be a possibility.  Again, it’s a more extreme treatment than most psychiatric medications and talk therapy, but it’s not on the level of being put under general anesthesia and having a brain seizure two or three times a week.

#ect #anonymous #answered #there's very little information on this website or in general about ECT so this is fine to reblog if you want to

[mirkysconcubine]

Mechanical Heart

It was only known as the Voyage.

A one way trip to 'Explore the Galaxy'. They said it was a 10-15 year journey with a burst of cryo-sleep but we all knew when we said goodbye to our Family, our world, it would be a GOODBYE.

Considering I didn't have much in friends and family it was a push to photograph everything I would miss most. Nature.

So here we are, 343 solid. Soldiers, scientists, medics, general crew, and then we had Allen. Allen was our own personal state of the art AI. A refurbished humanoid robot that had been around since the beginning and luckily was merely upgraded.

How? Why?

It was one of those "Don't ask, Don't Tell" sorta things.

Allen was different than your typical make and model. First he wasn't your average - Caucasian, brown eyes, brown hair and did - in fact he had chosen his new 'skin'.

What better way to create an army of AI Humans than by an AI itself? I was pretty sure Allen was a secret double agent of a Computer Force to rule the Galaxy one gigabyte at a time.

Of course he being me I gleefully told him so. Ever seen a confused Robot? No? It's hilarious. Random blinking, open and closed mouth, silence, then blank stare.

Anyways, Allen was tallish with Asian features. He had a solid build of electrodes and wires that left him with a 'swimmers build' if you want to get technical.

Of course Allen never swam before. Can AI's swim? I'm sure they can.

Here we are in deep space lazily going through a 'meteor shower'. Not to be confused with the drama from a sci-fi movie genre. Big rocks spread so far apart our ship easily dance around them. We had a reinforced hull so the small little pebbles just bounced off and these cool laser that blasted some to nothing or pushed them off their path to destroy us.

Cool right?

Considering my status as 'journalist' I had access to all sorts of cool levels of secrecy. I of course could snitch about just anything and a simple click of a mouse can highlight and delete. Of course I didn't care, it took several months before my writing made it to the 'proper channels'

Then there was scientific ventures... Space gazing, science fiction, ect... The pg-13 fiction I typed away for a "intergalactic blog" I made a point to set up before I went into training.

Don't worry, these are all carefully monitored by the Government. I'm sure they appreciate my amusing tales of alien tentical porn and my lovely patch of grass I smuggled on board *insert evil laughter*

I would love to say space was a playground of alien life, crazy war like battles of survival, and not just empty space. Honestly the Galaxy was great for one thing - Selfies.

After a while it got... Dull. So of course if I was going to die - eventually - then why not have fun? I had a tendency to hang with the military side of the operation. Once they realized they didn't have to speak to me in gibberish code and I really truly didn't give a fuck they opened up.

To be honest I was more a therapist than anything. PTSD is a real thing, I am quite touchy feely so randomly hugging a rugged soldier seemed to be a weird form of free medication. Hugs and cookies. Should I mention I was allowed to make one thing on this hunk of metal?

Sugar cookies.

Wooop! Wooop!

You know once you live as if you'll die you tend to make a friend here and there. "Fuck it." Seems to be my motto and I learned how to wield a gun. Scary but cool. I'm learning some hand to hand combat. Apparently flapping your hand around in self defense is not "Appropriate." But hey! It made for a good laugh.

I guess being known for a ditzy idiot was my calling. Surprise!

If only they knew. :D

Between the military side of the ship, the kitchen, and the general crew (maintenance/engineers) I wasn't 'alone'. I was surrounded by people.

Yet not.

I went to bed alone, I mostly ate alone, and I spent alone time on my beloved patch of grass, Waldo. I can only take so much 'people' time.

Though, Allen wasn't people.

I'm sure he's some sort of secret spy of the AI CIA... Not that it would matter... Power to the bots! Liberal Madness has penetrated deep space where no walls can be built!

Officially I've inhaled too much pure oxygen

Gonna sign off, I need to work on my sketching of a distant star.

The glow from the computer screen illuminated the small bare room. There was only the desk, chair, and a wall of different sized screens. Digitized information at one time zoomed, brown eyes fidgeting around as if it read each code and symbol simultaneously... It was possible. After all the still figure was the only fully functional AI on board the ship. The screen only paused this once, to read a 'private' journal entry of the only human on this ship who touched on the truth.

#Deep Space #Scifi - ish #AI #Original Fiction #Space Journal Entry #Mirky #Fiction #Caution - Winging It

[sanguisfulgur]

✩ - Exactly What You Hate

The Ultimate Relationship Tag Send ‘✩’ for the following:

Disagreements:

Who is more likely to raise their voice? CiceroWho threatens to leave but never actually does? TheoWho actually keeps their word and leaves? CiceroWho trashes the house? TheoDo either of them get physical? Both of them.How often do they argue/disagree? Well all couples bicker but serious arguments happen rarely, they just get NASTY when they do. Who is the first to apologise? Shockingly Theo. 

Sex:

Who is on top? Theo usually.Who is on the bottom? Well obviously Cicero. Who has the strangest desires? They’re both old af vampires I don’t think anything is weird to them now. Any kinks? How long do you have because the list is long as hell. Who’s dominant in bed? Both but definitely moreso THEO. Is head ever in the equation? Always.If so, who is better at performing it? They both probably think they are lol. Ever had sex in public? YES Who moans the most? CiceroWho leaves the most marks? They never last long but Theo.Who screams the loudest? CiceroWho is the more experienced of the two? Again, they’re both old as hell vampires.Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’? Both.Rough or soft? RoughHow long do they usually last? Long enough that a human would’ve probably died from exhaustion. Is protection used? No, it’s not needed. Does it ever get boring? Nope. Where is the strangest place they’d have sex? I don’t even want to think about where these two have done the nasty. Because where HAVEN’T they done it. 

Family:

Do your muses plan on having children/or have children? It hasn’t come up yet.If so, how many children do your muses want/have? Ditto.Who is the favorite parent? Think it would depend on the kid in question.Who is the authoritative parent? Theo. Who is more likely to allow the children to have a day off school? Cicero.Who lets the children indulge in sweets and junk food when the other isn’t around? Cicero.Who turns up to extra curricular activities to support their children? Both.Who goes to parent teacher interviews? BothWho changes the diapers? I imagine this usually comes down to a coin toss.Who gets up in the middle of the night to feed the baby? They take turnsWho spends the most time with the children? Both of them would try to spend equal time with them. Who packs their lunch boxes? TheoWho gives their children ‘the talk’? BothWho cleans up after the kids? Both, but most likely Theo because Cicero weasels his way out of it. Who worries the most? Considering the past loss of a child, surprisingly Theo. Who are the children more likely to learn their first swear word from? Cicero. 

Affection:

Who likes to cuddle? Both.Who is the little spoon? Cicero.Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places? BOTH OF THEM. Who struggles to keep their hands to themself?  Again, both of them. How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable? Probably depends on the day, the temperature, the grip the other has ect. Who gives the most kisses? CiceroWhat is their favourite non-sexual activity? Oh man I’m going to say cooking together (or going out to dinner) or Theo playing piano whilst Cicero gets to listen. Where is their favourite place to cuddle? In bed. Who is more likely to playfully grope the other?  THEO. How often do they get time to themselves? Pretty often I’d say?

Sleeping:

Who snores? Not often, but Theo. If both do, who snores the loudest? See above.Do they share a bed or sleep separately? Share.If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart? here is much cuddling happening which they will deny. Who talks in their sleep? CiceroWhat do they wear to bed? Underwear or nothing. Are either of your muses insomniacs? No.Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside? Probably not?Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side? They’re tangled dumbs. Who wakes up with bed hair? Both of them. Who wakes up first? Cicero, but Theo wakes up pretty soon after. Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other? Theo does or Cicero. What is their favourite sleeping position? Probably spooning. Who hogs the sheets? CICERODo they set an alarm each night? No, their poor vampire ears. Can a television be found in their bedroom? I… honestly don’t know. Maybe at Theo’s place? Who has nightmares? BOTH. Who has ridiculous dreams? Cicero probably.Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed? Theo omg. Who makes the bed? Theo.What time is bed time? Probably soon after they’re both up. Any routines/rituals before bed? Cicero takes off his ‘face’ (as in makeup), Theo tends to read a little and I’ll state the obvious: they fuck. Often. Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up? Cicero purely based on how he fusses over his appearance in the morning. 

Work:

Who is the busiest? TheoWho rakes in the highest income? It probably changes each month. Are any of your muses unemployed? No but they’re not exactly ‘employed’ either. Who takes the most sick days? Neither of them have employers so. Who is more likely to turn up late to work? Same as above. Who sucks up to their boss? Neither. What are their jobs? Theo… ahem… specialises in blackmail and bribery. Cicero is a little computer scam artist. Who stresses the most? Theo.Do your muses enjoy or despise their careers/occupations? Definitely enjoy.Are your muses financially stable? Yup. 

Home:

Who does the washing? Both.Who takes out the trash? TheoWho does the ironing? Both. Who does the cooking? Both.Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying? NeitherWho is messier? They’re both neat but probably Cicero by a smidge. Who leaves the toilet roll empty?Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor? Unless they’re about to screw, neither. Who forgets to flush the toilet? Neither.Who is the prankster around the house? Cicero probably omg. Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere? TheoWho mows the lawn? TheoWho answers the telephone? CiceroWho does the vacuuming? TheoWho does the groceries? BothWho takes the longest to shower? CiceroWho spends the most time in the bathroom? Cicero

Miscellaneous:

Is money a problem? Nope.How many cars do they own? Not sure, I know Theo owns several.Do they own their home or do they rent? Own.Do they live near the coast or deep in the countryside? I’d say closer to the coast. Do they live in the city or in the country? City.Do they enjoy their surroundings? Absolutely. What’s their song? Flesh by Simon Curtis tbh. What do they do when they’re away from each other? A lot of things like??? Their jobs, read, interact with other people, shop, do whatever they want/have to do y’know??Where did they first meet? I’m… terrible and can’t actually remember I need to read their first threads again. How did they first meet? It was not pleasant because ROMAN and GERMANIAN. Who spends the most money when out shopping? CiceroWho’s more likely to flash their assets? CICEROWho finds it amusing when the other trips over? omg they both probably do.Any mental issues? A TRUCKLOAD. Who’s terrified of bugs? Neither?Who kills the spiders around the house? Neither, the spiders are left in peace or shooed outside. Their favourite place? Honestly probably some high-end restaurant or the theatreWho pays the bills? Sometimes they slit but usually Theo spoils Cicero. Do they have any fears for their future? Probably a lot, they both have a lot of issues. Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner? Theo is. Who uses up all of the hot water? Cicero. Who’s the tallest? TheoWho’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other? Theo, not that Cicero minds. Who wanders around in their underwear? Cicero because he has pretty lingerie that must be shown of. Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? Cicero??What do they tease each other about? EVERYTHING. Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times? Neither because they both have the most excellent tastes in their opinions. Do they have mutual friends? Probably by now. Who crushed first? Well it started as hate sex but, Theo was the first one to acknowledge and admit it was becoming something more. Any alcohol or substance related problems? No, they both like a drink but it’s not easy to get them drunk. Annbbd I wouldn’t be surprised i they’d both dabbled in hardcore drugs in the past. Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am? NeitherWho swears the most? Cicero, Theo surprisingly doesn’t swear often. 

#ask #imburiedincatssendhelp #acreepyworldwelivein #otp: exactly what you hate (cicero/theo) #imburiedincats sendhelp

[maketomorrowtoday-blog1]

Make Tomorrow Today Challenge

1. What are your current goals and what are the first steps you need to take to reach them? My current goals are: ＊Finish High School ＊ Do well in my Japanese course. ＊Make some friends. ＊Become more involved with my famly. ＊Get a job. First steps: ❶ Log onto my computer and get onto the site. ❷Study regularly and make cool review sheets. ❸Get into more social situations. ❹Continue working on home projects with my dad. (We made a garden already!) ❺Apply everywhere and bug the fuck out of places until I get a job! 2. Are you worried about anything? Willing to share? -Things are actually going pretty well right now mood wise! I just have to keep up my productivity- which is hard. Bonus: What steps are you taking/will take to fix/avoid/continue on from it? -I will keep trying to form good habits. Namely sleeping at a decent time. 3. What helps you get focused? What do you do to relax when you are stressed? (Music, quiet, tea, shower, ect.) -I like to be alone in a quiet tidy place. Music can be nice. Tea is great. 4. Do you have a schedule? No one has their life perfectly put together but having some sort of routine is always good. -I am still working on that.. 5. Has anyone inspired you recently? Or maybe a little earlier in life? Who do you look up to? -Recently I've been really inspired by the universe and stars. You can expect to see more about that if you follow me! Earlier in life I had a super amazing teacher who just pushed me to keep the flame of the things I truly want alive. 6. Do you have any hobbies? (Drawing, writing, sports, singing, anime, movies, ect.) -I'm a loose cannon. Sometimes I'll write or draw- other times I'll watch anime or movies. Sometimes nothing. 7. What's the first or last time you remembered feeling amazed? -Just watch Cosmos by Neil Degrasse Tyson. Do you have any words of advice or encouragement for your followers? "Life is one step forward and one step back, so remember to try to take three steps forward so you're not at as much of a loss when you are pushed back.' -Me "Gotta get your head in the game." -My third favorite anime behind Cory in the House and Jake and Josh. The questions can be found on my page. Please tag your post at #mttc2 ! I can't wait to see what you've got to say.

#mttc2