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sempiternities · 3 months

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march

I don't lie anymore, but I change. I am unreliable. I still can't consolidate my identity. I can’t just be one thing. I’ve grown, and become better, and yet i catch glimpses of myself in the rear view mirror, and miss it. The mess, the chaos, the gravity. And i like the peace I have built. I do. And it has to be better for me. But, it always feels slightly hollow. Like I'm pretending. that i'm naive. that it's all just another game, that wastes away the days. I don't really know, anymore.

Sometimes, I am just a child. Sometimes im a monster. Well, never in action, but sometimes in thought. Not recently though, not for awhile. But I can't say its not there. And I have been insane. Strangely, i find myself missing it more and more, lately. Because at least then, i seemed to be driven by a mission, or goal, despite its lack of grounding in reality.

I’ve been seeking out me in other things. Looking for the things that stop me in my tracks, and i can point to it and say, “look, do you see me?” I am not this body, or this face. I am the colors of the pictures i paint, and the songs that sing and vibrate through my body. I find myself in the insane. Sometimes, in the tragic. I find myself in the idea of love. But not love itself. or, maybe i do. I just cant feel it, right now.

I am the songs of the 60s. The songs that sound like sunshine and white walls bathed in blood. Changing times. Youth destroyed by false idols. worshiping those who give you love when you need it. I see myself in the yellow patterned wallpapers, and shabby carpets that smell of lives lived. I am free and all encompassing love, of no boundaries. Body and soul. But also the sinister darkness that emerges in the shadow of the lack of it. I am that starved child, who just wishes to be held. A child that sits in the solace of parents that don’t say what they really think. a child that grows up believing everyone is a puzzle. and puzzles always need to be cracked.

Sometimes you hear something for the first time, and wonder how it has existed along side you all this time, only now discovering it. I heard a song last night, mama, that made me turn, and twist my head. my memories are aloof, and don’t tend to stick around. They need to be inspired, or called forth, to be seen. Im looking out a window, from another time. I remember the parallels of my thoughts. I remember considering when future me would look back through my eyes, of these moments. Often, i remember the thoughts more clearly than the memories themselves. Everything painted in the color of emotion.

But all i have is who i am. Right? Isn't that how this works? We cant separate ourselves. Maybe we can. Maybe I will try to do that. To write of myself without myself. Maybe i can be the backdrop, or the stage on which stories play out.

Why can i only hear planes when the sun is out? Why do they sound like summer?

And sometimes i realize i don't really have anyone else to talk to. No one that i can really be honest with. I wonder how many others feel the same. But you can't just open up with anyone. you need certain people. i must just need to keep waiting. and working. i guess. because i can't do anything as casual as find what i need out in the wild. or maybe i can. but i don't want to play in the desperation of seeking. i don't want to waste my time trying to find someone to keep my bed warm, because it won't be enough. i don't think i can let anyone else in, except one person. and maybe the people that read what i write. But even then, i avoid writing about the ugly things. Because still, i do not want to burden you with the darkness from which i come. I won't tell you so you won't have to take it in, and ingest it, and face the truth. people are happier when they think you're happy. but when you aren't, they usually don't care enough anyway. it depends where you meet them, though. there are those solid, and made of love. they are just unfortunately, seemingly an endangered species.

i think we do everything for the exceptional moments. those things that only happen 1% of the time, or maybe even only once. Our lives tend to be shaped around these moments, defined by their before, and after. that's just what i've come to believe, because i've seen it. i think this world is tied down to numbers, statistics, and percentages. i think things fall into three categories, while simultaneously falling into all. it goes like this: 50/50, 80/20, 99/1. the first category, are the doers, and the do-not’ers. out of the ones that do, there will always be a top 20% of the highest achievers. and then, even deeper, we will find the one, who’s aptitude is only rivaled by all others, their capacity exponentially larger. But i don't intend this in a broad meaning. i think these talents are micro systems of ourselves. even a genius lacks in other areas - but perhaps that also means that there must be one person in the top 1% who is yet the top 1% of that group, and perhaps it is their knowledge that rivals that of the entire world. maybe simply, that one is god. maybe that is how our ultimate hierarchy is structured. and though i have come to believe in the numbers, i too believe that other realities must be categorically different. our system is a simple example of a fundamental truth of a subjective reality. it is my experienced truth, but other realities, by the nature of infinities, must be structured in a variety of ways (well, really an infinite amount of ways). perhaps even within this shared reality, others do not experience life in the same code that i do, the same number patterns. but then again, it can be parsed into the numbers, now only for personality traits, upbringing, and all the other factors which make us who we are. but maybe my gods are different than yours, to which i argue there must be reason in. statistically, we do not all agree in our beliefs. maybe my views are niche due to the mathematical statistical probability of it arising from a specific upbringing. perhaps there are other recipes which arrive at the same result. different fractions of ingredients to make us who we are. and you know what i mean, when you meet someone from another life who shares your same soul. but you might also not yet know, because maybe you are still in the before part of your life. maybe your match has not yet been made. you would know it if it has.

#mine #sempiternities #philosophy #writing #thoughts #poetry #prose

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ramblingdisaster73 · 1 year

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hi! i'm curious - what are your thoughts on some ppl (maybe mostly in the minority?) have made comparisons of the carlos & iris rescue scene in 4x03 being parallel to that of tk/carlos in the iconic Push, and how they've said it kind of undermines the emotional weight in Push?

personally, i'm trying not to put too much weight on it, bc i think it's probably not as deep as they're making it out to be, and it makes logical sense for carlos to tell her to breathe as she was near hyperventilating at the time (if my memory serves me well, i'm not planning to rewatch it so pls do correct me if im wrong) – but the more cynical part of me can see where they're coming from as well (e.g. with the framing), and it's starting to get to me a little

my heart really does hurt for tk in that moment tho :( it certainly didn't help that carlos was being a jerk during that scene - this will def always be a skip for me. there's angst and then there's being a jerk for no reason bc he's what, mad? i can't imagine what/how tk must be feeling at the time

also, idk. there's not much to work with here, a part of me wondered (if it was intentional) if carlos was that spiteful enough to purposely do all of that to get a reaction out of tk (i doubt this. it's fucked up, but it's whatever, he's already walking a tightrope between being petty and also being an a*hole. i honestly wouldn't be surprised if the writers are trying to play this up for dramatic purposes), or if they'd just wanted to be sprinkle in the additional ✨ angst ✨ to get a reaction out of the audience instead, if it was completely unintentional, or it really isn't as deep as that.

ig we'll never know atp, but i thought i could come to u and see what you think! i'm really liking the discussions we've all had in between the eps haha, i hope that's okay!

This got a bit longer than I intended.

The “Breathe, breathe” scene in Push was a huge moment for them (& us) after their breakup – but I don’t really think the writers intended to have Carlos tell Iris the same thing to cheapen the scene in Push.

I totally get the people who had that gut reaction of “what the fuck, why would they have him say that like that?” and feel like it took away from the Tarlos scene – I do. The first time I watched the ep (I have had it on repeat pretty much anytime I am home alone while I am writing.),

I had a similar thought process – when I watched it again the 2nd time though, it made more sense to me narratively & like you said she was hyperventilating & in a decent amount of distress – telling her to breathe was pretty much the only thing he could say here. Saying something like “calm down” doesn’t always help when you are not in a position to think clearly – simple direction is much easier to follow (I say this as someone who has frequent panic attacks & telling me to calm down is not at all helpful) so, if someone was telling me to breathe – I would be able to follow that direction – telling me to calm down would only make me panic more – because I have to think about HOW to calm down.

I really do think that they are making Carlos’ less than perfect sides more obvious this season, that is why what we saw last year as a little bit of pettiness (3x13) now feels almost cruel at times. I understand why there are fans that just can’t get into this storyline – why they are struggling so much.

I have said since at least last season, the writers did a real disservice to Carlos by making his appear so perfect on the surface for so long. By finding ways to put the blame for any issues between them on TK, or just glossing over his need to keep everything in boxes & his control issues – made it so some fans didn’t need to look deeper at the character – they saw this absolutely gorgeous man, saw the ways he supported TK – thought he was the perfect boyfriend/fiancé, the cop with a good heart.

Now, all of a sudden, they are being confronted with the fact that Carlos has a past, one that some just can’t fathom. They are being forced to acknowledge that Officer Reyes is not perfect and they really don’t know how to handle it.

If we had any in canon hints (other than deleted scenes we won’t ever see) of the actual closeness of Iris & Carlos – some of the people that are struggling with this arc – may have been able to believe that this person was so important to Carlos (NOT MORE IMPORTANT THAN TK, BUT STILL IMPORTANT), but – we didn’t. So now, they have to build that now – and Rafa & Lyndsy are doing a fantastic job of showing a real emotional (platonic) relationship.

The writers had to do something that would SHOW us their closeness – not just tell us, like some of the other parts of the storyline – and this was actually (imo) a beautiful way to do it. I don’t really think it was to be petty or dickish to TK, just to show us the emotional connection the characters share. The fact that Rafa & Lyndsy have pretty great chemistry helps this as well.

Carlos was definitely walking the very fine line between petty & dickish, but I think the writers need him to do that for this part – the 3rd act. In a lot of media – the 3rd act is the hard part – either emotionally or mentally – they needed to set up the angst and tension for when Carlos got shoveled to kick off the 4th act.

Would we lose our shit if Carlos went missing while things were perfect for Carlos & TK? absolutely – we love them. BUT – to have it happen when things aren’t as stable, when they are both too much in their feelings/heads to see clearly – that is where the real pay off comes from.

We know that Carlos & TK love each other deeply, we understand why TK went to talk to Iris, we know that it didn’t trigger anything for her. Carlos – doesn’t right now. He is a man that thinks rationally (because he tosses his problems in a box & throws away the key) – but right now rational thought isn’t something he is capable of.

The man had like 15 seconds of not being noticeably stressed the fuck out on screen before that “dream” venue called him – he has been riding on pure emotion and avoidance ever since.

It is easier to lash out (or treat not so great) the people that you KNOW love you. You know that they will be there when you realize what you did/said. We all do it in little ways all the time, (we have a bad day at work, then go home – and every little thing builds up until you blow up – typically not at the people/thing that originally caused your irritation). In this case – I think that Carlos blames himself for all of it – and he can’t shove it in a box – he has to face it, especially in this 4th act.

Carlos KNOWS that TK loves him. But this man is TERRIFIED of his actions hurting Iris, that he seems as though he is ignoring TK, or at least dismissing him. I go back and forth between thinking that Carlos was more defensive to TK in the bunkroom than trying to explain it – but that is an emotional response from me. When I take my emotions out – I can see the way his anxiety is tearing him apart, he is scared to hurting TK, of TK leaving – not because of something TK did – but because Carlos hurt him emotionally. He is scared of jeopardizing Iris’ health and wellbeing.

He also can’t see that these two people, the ones he loves most (in very different ways), are stronger than he can see – especially in this particular situation.

*We have NEVER seen Carlos be the one to fall apart. He is used to being the one putting the pieces back together, for the most part – keeping a clearer head, & connecting the dots. Right now – he isn’t able to do that – but he also won’t let TK or Iris really help him – which leads to the shoveling.

I know that Tim and Ronen keep hyping up Rafa’s acting in 4x04 – but I am also really looking forward to Ronen’s as well. Both of these men have been doing such an amazing job of making us feel all these annoying feelings.

I think another reason people are struggling to see Carlos being more standoffish to TK in 4x03 is that we have watched TK handle this situation so well. Carlos tells him that he has been legally married to someone during their whole relationship, TK listens to him, listens to his reasons on why. We have watched TK handle it with grace – but are now being shown Carlos not doing the same. And it does hurt. It hurts because we know how much they love each other, how much they truly need and want each other. So, to see real friction between them (probably the most we have seen – especially since they broke up off screen) hurts. Going into those scenes knowing that the shoveling was coming hurt more.

The hurt is intentional from the storytelling perspective– but I am hoping & optimistic about a pretty good pay off. I have a feeling that a lot of this elevated pettiness will be gone like the ‘lasting ramifications of hypothermia for TK’ last season, so I am not worried about that continuing either. Once he is rescued, we will get the super tactile, loving, beautiful Tarlos – one that has become stronger through their ordeals – both separate & together.

When in doubt: Just remember Tarlos is endgame & all roads lead to the wedding.

I love the discussions that this show brings up & my husband loves that I have people other than him to talk to about this show.

#anon #911 lone star season 4 #911 lone star spoilers #911 lone star speculation #tarlos #carlos reyes #tk strand

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messrsbyler · 1 year

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nic oh my god you wrote me a book and i swear on my life i will go back and respond to it because you are so big brained i am obsessed with you please let’s never shut up about this because stranger things/avatar is everything i ever needed

but but but i am dropping in before i go to bed to say

mike not knowing how to master lightning. first of all. ouch. why would you hurt me with that. second of all. god PLEASE JUST IMAGINE a scene like zuko has where he’s standing in the pouring rain and screaming at the sky. lightning is crashing. mike is just sobbing and having a breakdown.

idk i am so so sleepy right now brain is slowly shutting down but something. something about all the rain imagery (pouring rain the night mike lost will/found el, pouring rain in byler fight + pouring rain breakdown now and eventually pouring rain byler kiss). something something water is his opposite element (water also being el’s native element? interesting there’s something there). something about all these moments representing a culmination of mike’s insecurities and how he feels like he’s not good enough and his inability to firebend well also being so deeply tied to his guilt over like everything happening with will. the rain. the lightning. the storm. the heaviness of all mike’s emotions!

IM SORRY I REALLY WENT ALL OUT ON YOU (though you are the one to blame for that one) and omg no it's okay! take your time there's no rush that post isn't going anywhere!

big brained, obsessed with me- ASJDAHSDJA damn it andi you can't just drop bombs like that and flee?

you DARE to ask for explanations, ask how i dare to hurt you like that, to then proceed to hurt me LIKE THAT AS WELL BY PUTTING MIKE SCREAMING WITH LIGHTING IN THE BACKGROUND IN MY MIND?

something something all the rain imaginary you mention. something something rain being water (ugh i'm so smart, did you see me putting those two dots together? harvard potential) something something waterbending being used to heal, something something at the final scene with the rain, the rain representing mike healing from his insecurities and self-loathing, something something el's native element being water, something something el being the one who brought will back to mike and healed that wound, something something fire and water being opposites and not being able to coexist that easily something something but lighting and water (rain) coexisting together, something something what if mike is mediocre at firebending because of all the pressure put on him as he tries to follow nancy's path but he can't never reach her because he's not using his bending to grow and strengthen himself, he is doing it to fit someone else's (his parents') expectations and the too big gap left for him to fill in his last name. something something when mike discovers lighting it's something that connects so well with his outbursts of emotions, something that can be dangerous and scary, something others might shy away from (this being a parallel of loud mike, of rebellious mike, of that mike that thrashes and is crying for help and to be seen), but how lighting is also beautiful at the same time and powerful and just so in sync with mike. something something what if mike's bending call is to lighting instead of purely fire, because it coexists with water meaning it coexists with mike healing and finding himself and how he is worth it because he is mike and being mike is enough.

SOMETHING SOMETHING (i had to google this) TO FORM LIGHTING YOU NEED BOTH AIR AND WATER according to the NASA (and you would think those guys must know one thing or two about lighting, right?)

You need cold air and warm air. When they meet, the warm air goes up. It makes thunderstorm clouds! The cold air has ice crystals. The warm air has water droplets. During the storm, the droplets and crystals bump together and move apart in the air. This rubbing makes static electrical charges in the clouds.

something something both will and el being important in mike's journey to discover himself and his worth and his lightningbending. something something water healing him and air giving him the strength he needs

something something i wrote too much again SORRY!

OKAY THAT'S ALL! sweet dreams andi!!!

#atlagate #st x atla #mike wheeler analysis #this totally counts as mike's analysis #lots of something somethings #byler tumblr #mike wheeler firebender #mike wheeler lightingbender #el hopper waterbender #will byers airbender #i literally googled how lightings are made but never cared to learn about it in middle school when i had to for a test #this shows how my priorities are well sorted #andiwriteordie

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local-crater-group · 1 year

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--PRIVATE TRANSMISSION--

[Saccharine Sunrise, Flightless Parallels of Balance]

SS: Flightless Parallels of Balance!! we havent spoken in a few cycles

FPB: Oh you're right we haven't! I got caught up in my writing again, sorry

SS: did you even notice our grand intro broadcast to the world

FPB: i... think I did? Oh, yes I did. Just checked my logs.

SS: going against your name... cause youre flighty!

FPB: Well, I do have wings so technically it's my name that is incorrect here.

SS: semantics, semantics!

SS: glad youre okay tho

FPB: Why wouldn't I be?

SS: oh, i dont know..

SS: by the way! have you heard anything from Accented Looking of One Imprisonment?

FPB: No, I have not. Is ALOOM alright?

SS: dunno

SS: i think Nine Materials, a Million Bells was gonna ask Jaunty Fluttering of Two Sparks..

SS: who knows though jets always busy

FPB: Oh dear. Well, I'm sure we'd have heard of it! Do not worry, Sunset.

SS: Saccharine Sunset.

FPB: Right, yes! Apologies. Do not worry of it, I am sure that ALOOM is alright, Saccharine Sunset.

SS: alright...

SS: also! what are you working on right now? must be something big if youre getting caught up in it

FPB: My current writing project... I believe I was working on the latest installment of that one story about the slugcat and the lizard, do you remember?

SS: ohh!! yes i do! send me the pearl when youre done?

FPB: Of course! I don't believe the bridge has collapsed yet...

FPB: I will check on it, one moment.

SS: Flightless Parallels of Balance, that bridge is just a pipe that the Messenger brought over...

FPB: Well, it could have easily fallen into the crater, could it have not? Time does pass! Besides, it works well enough for 'Ger to cross the chasm.

FPB: It is still in place though! I estimate that it'll be at least another hundred cycles before it falls in.

SS: alright.

SS: im off to bother my beloved twin, good luck with your writing!!

FPB: Thank you, dear. Stay safe!

#SS #FPB #chatlogs #okay so. i love these two. as i do w all my ocs #theyre wonderful and perfect Ɛ>

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cosmindart · 11 months

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while Im reposting Lazarus content lemme repost this short story with him that I lowkey have a soft spot for.

Warning for some blood and guts

______

Fuzzy images flashes by. A dark forest in the early night, completely devoid of noise aside from a labored breath. His own breath. He feels disorientated, lost, sick and feverish... Then a jolt of pain, it feels distant and unreal… A memory of a past injury?

His head is pounding

The blurry forest doesn’t feel as quiet, there is a voice. Someone is talking, it’s unintelligible and muffled. Who is this? What are they saying? Why do they feel familiar?

Sharp pain in his stomach jolts Lazarus wide awake.

He was sitting on a bed, far from the forest he imagined. Before he had the time to do anything about his stomachache nor properly take in his surroundings, a voice calls to him.

“Easy there fella! Lay back down will you, Ill give some painkiller okay”

Lazarus looked up. He knew that face.

“Otto?”

“Er… Have we met before? How do you know my name?”

The black man didn’t answer. Everything made a little more sense. His dream from last night, he was remembering how he met Otto. Well, not that Otto, another one in another world. He must have seen this new Otto coming to his aid before passing out prompting his old memories to come back. His head was still pounding however and he had trouble remembering the previous days. He left the previous dimension he was in in a hurry but he couldn’t recall why.

“Maybe you don’t speak English uh?... Still odd you know my name...” said the elderly white man scratching his head. “Did someone put a bounty on my head?”

“No, I knew a version of you… He was a good friend…”

“A version of me? Like a clone dealio?”

“A you from another dimension.”

“Parallel universe shenanigan like in that hero movie thang?”

“Yeah, pretty much” Lazarus winced, still very much in pain. “I ended up in his world wounded and he took me in, similar to now with you. He was very kind and the world he lived in was very dangerous with poisonous fog that crept on you at a moment’s notice and supersized bugs who evolved after the arrival of said fog… Once I recovered enough to travel through dimensions again I took him with me. Otto became a travel friend of mine for a couple years…”

“What happened to him? Did he kick the bucket? Did you two have a fight and split?”

“No. He was alive when I left and we were in pretty good terms. We just found a world he felt at home in and wanted to stay there so I left on my own.”

“Why though? Why didn’t you stay? Why do you keep traveling like that?”

Lazarus laughed

“It feels a bit odd telling you my story. I can’t help but think ‘I told you in great detail what happened to me already’ even if I know you’re not the same Otto…” Lazarus sighed, the pain was finally diminishing thanks to the pain killers. “It all started when I was 8. I had created inter-dimensional portals before that but they were small and I could only ever stick my arm or head into. Shortly after my 8th birthday however I was able to create my first portal big enough for me to properly pass through. When I did, I entered into a brand new world, in an alien body. I was having a blast. A real dream of adventure in a fantasy land come true…”

“You couldn’t go back to your world after that could you uh?”

“Yeah… When I made a new portal to go back and ended in yet another foreign world. I realzed I had no control and was lost across dimensions…” Laz was surprised Otto caught on so quick. “Then there’s the part you’ll get mad about and think I'm stupid… I somehow ended back in a world very similar to my home. I even found ‘my mom’ there, another version kinda like you and the other Otto.”

“You didn’t stay there did you” the old man sighed with disappointment

“I did, for about 10 years. Then I left to find my ‘real mom’ again.”

“And you ended up lost again…”

“Pretty much…”

“Did you ever find other versions of your mom?”

“Nope. That second mom and you are the only instance of me meeting someone twice through dimensions.”

“Maybe it’s a sign. Maybe you and I should stick together!” He laughed then joked. “That or you missed old me so much that you somehow made your way here!”

“I think you’re not too far off.”

“Huh? Wait. By that logic shouldn’t you have already found your mom or more clones of her?”

“Not quite. I think my subconscious control over my power has been a recent development and..”

“Still!” Otto interrupted “You still miss your mom don’t you? You still miss your home! If you think about it then…”

“It’s not doable anymore. It’s been so many decades that I don’t remember her face… I'm not even sure what her name was. My memories of her are too foggy to focus on. Otto number 1 was someone I met only a few years ago…”

“Decades?! Maybe for the first one but your second mom. You said she raised you for ten years so you were around 18 when you left. You look to be around 30 so that’s just 10 years, and you had just as many years to form memories about her.”

“It’s more complicated.” Lazarus waved the other man’s suggestions off. “It’s been more that just 10 years… I may be physically and mentally 34 but... But I’ve been travel though dimensions for hundreds of years actually. Before I met the first Otto I genuinely had lost track of how long I had been 30. He helped me grow a bit but I’ve again been stuck at 34 for a couple years I think. I'm not even sure How many years I spent lost between dimensions when I was 8. It could have been a few month just as much as it could have been 20 years. You easily lost track of time when you end up in dimensions that used different calendars and no one to remind you it’s your birthday.”

Otto sat there completely silent. What was there to say anyway. The younger man probably had no interest for useless apologies and platitudes. The old man just stared, feeling empty and sad on the trans man’s behalf. The black man didn’t add anything to the conversation either, choosing instead to get a bit comfier in the cover of the borrowed bed he laid on.

Lazarus was silent but he wasn’t upset. He was thankful that this new Otto tried to give him ideas and try to help and he felt bad to have to rebuke him like this. Truth is, he too wished his suggestion worked and he could just go home.

With the conversation over Lazarus finally took the time to look himself over. Under the cover he ran his hands over his body inspecting for changes in skin textures alerting him of scar tissues. He kept the stomach area for last since pain came from her he already knew something was wrong there anyway. When he did touch his abdomen he was surprise to notice the pain came from wounds that hadn’t healed yet. It was quite odd to him. Usually when he got hurt in a dimension any wound would either be healed or nonexistent when traveling to another dimension. Did he get attacked right after ending up here, he wondered.

On the other side of the wooden cabin, Otto was in the kitchen cooking for two. His rescue had been sleeping for quite a while and with how long they talked he was surely hungry. Hopefully this would cheer him up and distract him somewhat from their previous discussion.

“Did you stitch me back up or was I already patched up when you found me?” Lazarus scream-asked from the bedroom

“You were all open when I found you in my yard! I called a doctor over to stuff your insides back in! Hope he did a decent job!”

Otto made his way back to the bedroom to check on him

“You had a clean slash across your tummy like someone tried cutting you up in half. What happened?”

“I can’t remember quite frankly. Maybe the blood-loss messed with my memory…”

“Or you got hit hard on the head on your way there” The grandpa laughed, he always laughed.

Laz was about to respond when his stomach growled, the grumbling echoing through his open mouth. That was a bit embarrassing, but Otto found it quite funny.

“Lunch’s on the way! Give it 5 more minutes!

__________

Lazarus spent the next couple of days bedridden and taken care of by Otto. It wasn’t something Laz frequently allowed people to do. He always had a rather feral and independent attitude, but with Otto it was different. May it be the one he met in his younger years or this one, he had this deep trust in him where he felt safe enough to be vulnerable around him. Otto was like a father to him and even if this one was a different person to him it was like he always knew him. Oddly enough it seemed like Otto reflected this paradoxical familiarity, very much acting like Laz was a long lost son he finally reunited with.

Usually when the inter-dimensional traveler landed in a world, his main course of action was to gather info about any potential version of his mom residing in it. Not this time however. While warm and in good company with Otto, things felt off. He still didn’t remember what world he was just before ending up here, what happened there nor how he got his injury. The fact that said injury had not healed when hopping through his wormhole was concerning itself. The only alternative would be that the injury appeared after the jump which wasn’t any more reassuring since so far jumping through dimensions always landed in in places where he’d be safe.

The only closest instance of something like this happening was when he met the first Otto. He was in a weakened state yes but it wasn’t as bad. He arrived in that fog dimension starving and dehydrated, a portal-hop wouldn’t have fixed it right? From what he understood inter-dimensional traveling did change his body’s appearance and by extension helped heal or erase wounds but it just couldn’t put food in his stomach. But then there was the bear trap thing… He always ended up in places that were safe to him but back then he landed right next to a bear trap and stepped on it. Granted had he not stepped on it the area was in general safe… sort of? Then again him stepping on said trap or just landing there specifically was what allowed Otto to find him and help him get away from the fog so in some way you could say that the trap was a form of safety assurance?

Lazarus was completely lost in his thoughts trying to make sense of everything. Wasn’t there another instance where he wasn’t safe? Yeah there was one other time, a time were everything was off too. He landed in a snowy version of japan where he had no business being seeing as he was wearing summer traditional cabo-verdean clothes. He still hadn’t made sense of what had happened back then either.

All these uncertain feelings have been what kept him here, more than the comfy company of Otto. In any other situation where he was wounded, Lazarus would have done another dimensional jump as soon as he could to get his wound healed, but here? No. No he couldn’t risk it, what if this time it just undid all the stitching and left his wide open with his guts spilled on the floor? Staying here until he had fully recovered was the only option.

“Mornin’ pal” Said the old man, interrupting the black man’s thinking “Holdin’ up good today?”

“Yeah, I'm doing fine” He replied softly “Just.. just wondering about things…”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“I'm thinking… I think I might be dying.”

“What? The doctor said you’d be fine! You’re still a young fella with lots of energy, you’re not going to die!”

“I know my mind and body are somehow still young but… What if my powers are old?”

“I don't get it.”

“When I go through a portal, my body changes and shapeshift to match the new world I end up in right”

“Right?”

“What if my powers are to old for that? Like, I still have enough capabilities to open those inter-dimentional doors but not enough to ‘rebuilt’ my body anymore. What if when I do travel again my body just fall apart, split open at the seams”

“And leave you as if someone cut you clean open…” Otto continued, blood draining from his face. Were his hair not already white it would have lost its color too.

“Yeah.”

“That’s terrifying if that’s what’s going on…b-but you don’t have to worry about that if you just stay here! I know you still want to find your mother but if stepping though one of your doors might kill you, wouldn't it be better to just stay? I don’t mind you sticking around!”

Was he ready to give up on his quest? Not really, but the thought of his potential demise didn’t exactly entice him either.

“I'm not gonna press ya on that” reassured the elderly man. “I can’t imagine being in your shoes right now. If you feel like it’s time for you to go Ill let you go even with the risks. If you want to stay here, my house will always be open for you.”

“I might not even need to leave to be honest. I didn’t really look for my mom here yet. She might be out there in this world, who knows...”

Otto nodded, he could tell Lazarus didn’t believe any of the words he said, he probably only said it to reassure both Otto and himself.

“I think I'm feeling good enough to go out.” said Laz in an attempt at changing the subject. “Maybe you could show me around town.”

“Yeah sure! You’ll love it there!”

The old guy helped his friend off the bed. The clothes the short man was wearing were far to big for him, they were Otto’s. His original clothes had been taken off of him when the doctor patched him up so Otto could clean the blood off of them and had him wear an old shirt the entire time he was stuck in bed. His old garb should be clean and dry by now.

Once dressed up the duo stepped outside. It had only been a few days since he felt the outside wind on his face but it felt like it had been a month to him. He was so used to a fast-paced life always running traveling. This had been so different, but he didn’t hate it.

“Let’s check out my back garden!”

“Something special back there?”

“Well that’s where I found you. Maybe it will bring back memories or you dropped something there, i don’t know!”

Otto’s cabin was smack in the middle of a huge grass field and his ‘back garden’ was just more of that for the most part. Aside from a sea of green there was a patch of dirt with clothing lines, a stone well and a spot of dark plants. His confusion over the brown grass was swiftly cleared up, it was blood. Of course, it hadn’t rained so the spot he was found bleeding out on was still stained. Beside the dried up blood there was nothing there sadly. No trinkets, memento or spark that returned his memory.

“Not doing much fer you uh?”

“Not really no.”

“That’s alright. We gave it a try at least!” he adjusted his cowboy hat “Let’s move it down town and have you meet the good peeps. Ill clean this up later if the weather doesn’t do it for me. I don't really care for the looks but we don’t want no wolf lurkin’ around thinking there’s a snack waiting for him or som’in’.”

With a silent nod from the trans man the two of them made their way back to the front of the estate. From there they took the small dirt road that zig-zaged down the hill. Lazarus wondered what kind of land he was on. The lush green landscape reminded him of the European country side but both Otto’s way of talking and the doctor’s accent it sounded like he was in a western-ish American town. It wasn’t the oddest clashing combination he encountered in his many travels but it was still a bit confusing. The European vibes didn’t leave once he arrived in the village it very much reminded him of a rural Switzerland town he visited once.

“T’s beautiful here ain’t it?”

“It is.”

The streets were sunny, the people were welcoming. It truly was a nice bit of town. Otto introduced him to the butcher, a massive man who playfully laughed quite a bit at the trans man stature and offered him a nice cut of meat to cover his bones. Next was the market manager, she was just a vegetable shopkeeper most of the time but every first Thursday of the month she’d be in charge of setting up and keeping order on the traveling open market going through town. Then Laz got to meet the local seamstress, if he were to stay here he’d need more than one outfit to wear. For now they were just looking though, they didn't really have the money for that just yet.

Before they could reach their next destination, the duo were stopped by the town doctor.

“Hey! How is the foreigner holding up?” asked the practitian.

“I'm doing okay” replied Lazarus

“I’ve nursed him well” added Otto

“That's great to hear. Now I don’t want you to see me as some sort of vulture but… When can I expect some compensation? As much as I’d love to help from the goodness of my heart, I still need to put food on the table and this wasn’t just handing out cough syrup.”

“I totally understand.” Otto said softly “Ill make it up to ya real soon!”

“I hope your mining endeavors are treating you well then.”

“Eh! I kinda gave up on that.” The old man shrugged. “I do know there’s a big bear walkin’ round the forest though. Getting rid of it could bring me a pretty penny with all the meat and the pelt! Would make the place safer to go pick berries too!”

“Ah yes, the one roaming the south quadrant… I haven’t been able to go there to gather herbs since February…I wish you the best of luck with it!”

“Ill try to help the best I can” Added Laz. It kinda felt weird to hears these words come out of his mouth. He spent years on his own only ever looking out for himself, not out of selfishness but out of necessity and saying he’d help someone so genuinely was rather unlike him.

__________

Lazarus had little to no worries hunting a bear. He’s hunted bigger and wilder beast before. The small man fiddled with the bucket filled with spoiled fish guts. In the past his usual method of ‘hunting’ was just making a ruckus until some predators showed up and he’d just pounce on them and fight with his claws but using actual bait and shooting the shit out of the bear from a distance was probably a better tactic.

“Once you have the bait down got hide at your spot okay” Ordered Otto

“I came here to actually help, no sit in a bush.”

“The stitches on your belly are still recent! We don’t need them popping out while you’re chased by a bear!”

Laz grumbled. That was Otto alright, always protective and fatherly.

“If it runs at you and tries to maul you Ill still jump in full force, stitches be damned!”

“Don’t count on that. I never miss my shots!”

“I doubt that.” Lazzy chuckled.

After some bantering the two of them set their plans into motion: setting the bait, moving to secure spots and waiting for the target to show up. They sat in silence for hours hoping for the darn thing to show up. The woods were big so there were no guarantee it would pass by today but they were patient.

An hour became two, then three then the sun was on it’s way out. All they saw come by were a few deers, a wolf and a couple of smaller critters. Otto would have stayed there longer but with the bait being almost gone after the other beasties nibbling on them and Lazarus being around, it would be best to retreat for the day.

“Growing hungry?” Asked the old man looking up at the tree the dark skinned lad sat in. “It’s getting a bit late.”

“I wouldn’t be against it.” he replied, carefully climbing down. While he had mostly healed it was still noticeable that he was still a bit weak and in pain. You can’t walk out a huge injury like your stomach being torn open in just a week after all.

“Alright let’s head out and try again tomorrow!”

It didn’t take too long for them to make their way back home. Once they arrived Otto looked at the backyard. He still hadn’t cleaned the patch of blood back there, maybe it might have brought the bear around here today while they were on the other side of the woodlands. He didn’t know if it would be better to get rid of the iron-filled scent of that spot to raise their chances of attracting the bear on their planned spot or set up their hunting ground here.

Without telling a word to his semi-permanent guest the silver-haired man walked through the back door to go and take a closer look at the ground. The earth had been slightly disturbed indeed, but the tells were far to minimal for them to have been caused by a bear. It must have been a small dog or wolf pup who sniffed by, nothing bigger.

“Otto? Otto?” Lazarus called from the cabin.

“Be there in a sec!” Otto exclaimed as he ran back to his house. “Sorry I wanted to check something real quick. Ill get dinner done!”

“I was actually going to ask you where some of the ustencils were…”

“So YOU would cook? Not thanks!” The big man laughed "Based on how you chewed on the raw slab of meat the butcher gifted you I don’t think I can trust your cooking skills!”

“Just because I enjoy a fresh cut every now and then doesn’t meant I can’t cook!” He retorted with a smile. “But if you want to be my personal chef I'm not against it!”

After some jokes and playful jabs at each other, Lazarus went to lay down on the living room couch. As much as he hated Otto smothering him with his protective remarks he was right in saying he was still recovering and Laz still needed to rest as much as possible. As he lounged around he thought about this world. It’s was rather nice and cozy. Maybe it could use some more technology like a TV perhaps. Sadly he’d need to find something else to keep himself occupied until dinner was ready.

He wondered what kind of job he could get here. Staying seemed like the best option he had right now. Though come to think of it, the town was rather small and everyone seemed to already have their place set. Was there even a job he could take? It seemed Otto was always home with him, did he not have a job of his own? He did mention giving up on his mining project...

“Plates up!” said the old man yoinking Lazzy out of his thoughts. “Hope you like mushroom soup!”

“I do!” The young man looked at the bowls “My portion is twice yours. Are you not hungry?”

“You need a lot of food to heal fast.” He scolded him, pulling on his cheek. “That’s what why you get that much.”

“I get it! I get it!” he patted his cheek. “Doesn’t mean you should starve yourself for me…”

Did he not have enough groceries to feed the both of them properly, he though. Maybe they should have shot and brought over the deer they spotted earlier… Or did he have too limited ammo for that and needed to save them for the more sellable bear.

“Eat up before it get cold you goon!”

“Okay! Okay! Calm down!”

Laz ate but all he could taste was guilt. This old man had been living on his own already not making much. With how much he ate as he was recovering he’d probably decimated all of the poor man’s rations by now. Something needed to be done.

The trans man waited to night to fully set in before heading out. He didn’t mind the darkness too much. He may not have night vision but he was probably more capable of navigating in the darkness than the average human. Forget about the bait bucket, this time around he’ll do things his way. He will find the bear, he will kill it and bring it home for some decent cash.

__________

When Otto woke up in the morning instead of finding Lazarus sleeping in the living room he was met with a bear carcase. He was utterly baffled as to how the small guy could have dragged the thing here. On it a letter was pinned a letter:

Dear Otto, I'm very sorry for the strain I’ve put on your finances and supplies. There just isn’t enough work or resources in this small town to sustain the both of us. You already barely scrapped by when you were on your own so having an extra mouth to feed and house is just not feasible. I have decided to take my leave to remedy the problem. I know I could Have maybe tried something else, but to tell you the truth, the resources weren’t the only factor in my decision. Sure, the search for my mother still tug at me but it’s something else still. I loved it here, I felt happy and somewhat at home here. Yet it felt wrong. Being happy and flourishing like this just doesn’t feel right. It’s not what my normal is. I’ve spent years struggling, learning all kinds of survival skills to keep myself alive. Fighting for my right to live is what I'm supposed to do. At least it’s what it feels like. I want to be happy like this again but I don’t think I’ve deserved it yet somehow. It’s not my time yet. I still belong to the in-between time streams. I have to leave. I have to run. I have to earn this kind of ‘happy ever after’ bullshit. I know you said you wouldn’t hold me back if I decided to leave, but I know you, I know you’d have tried to convince me otherwise and you’d have probably been right. I think I know I'm making a stupid decision, it’s sort of hitting me how much of a mistake I'm probably making just by reading the words I'm writing. But something inside me tells me I have to go. I just have to. I deeply appreciate what you’ve done for me. I don’t know if Ill make it out the other side in one piece but if I do I hope that along my travel Ill meet “you” again. Signed, Lazarus Buddy Anderson.

#worldhoper lazarus #lazarus b anderson #otto c cassidy

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kithtaehyung · 1 year

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*sighs* ryen ryen ryen…

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT OMG 🤕😮‍💨🤧

- ok so first of all i must be a bit 3tan-brainrotted because tell me why i woke at 6am sharp and the first thing that came in my mind was the new chapter:&,!/‘d 🥴

- jk has a fucking audacity like…i get he’s desperate and full of remorse but reader has move on/start to finally move on and he’s throwing her back into those old memories :((( idk i don’t think that’s fair towards them

- besides i don’t think he still love them in the same way he loved them during their teenage years like they broke up before their twenties and those are the years where you change and grow the most…i think his love is the same way as reader described with the worned jeans parallel etc etc

- i was really touched by bro :(((

- im glad the backstory for bro and reader was developed during this chapter like the dynamic between them is much more understandable, have you always have that kind of family problem in mind for their personal story when you started to develop the characters?

- SO HERE COMES THE GUILT AND PAIN :D sobbing crying throwing up right fucking now like when reader understands what yoongi represents to bro im just…jfc..this is going to get ugly so fast when their relation is out… i appreciated the moment of clarity by reader when she’s like « oh if yoongi can do all of these for me when we’re not even together then i can’t even imagine for my brother during college»

- THREE FUCKING MONTHS KDKFKD no wonder they trashed the desk after such a long time lmaoommg’fnf

- the aftercare, sobbing crying screaming AND throwing up again the whole speech by reader in the car about how she missed him…yoongi snapping up omg’fkd and the whole cuddling and humming and shedding tears im just 🥺🥺 my babies 🥺🥺🥺 just wanna build a bubble or shelter for them to live in in peace 😞

- BTW HOW DARE YOU GIVING US PUBLIC DISPLAY OF AFFECTION AND A FUCKING KISS AGAINST HIS CAR WHEN THEY’RE OUT ⚰️

- you know what i thought of when i read the last part about oc coming home and bro waiting for them ? that damn spoiler about someone/bro (??) telling « it’s about yoongi. isn’t it. » DDBSKDKDKDK ryen gdi

- and now i think i should’ve voted for the whole story with the 30k etc like i’m addicted i think and i cannot wait to see the following for this damn cliffhanger once again how dare you

i’ll probably reread this a dozen times more during the weekend except sunday because i have a second date with that same person ☺️

rest well and hope to read more soon 🫶

-📀

CD PLSSSSSS oh my goodness, love. thank you so much for this wonderful commentary! i got my own things to say under the cut so let's gooooo

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT OMG 🤕😮‍💨🤧

LMFAO

ok so first of all i must be a bit 3tan-brainrotted because tell me why i woke at 6am sharp and the first thing that came in my mind was the new chapter:&,!/‘d 🥴

nooooo way. wait really?! that's too much for me to handle i'm biting my fcking fist dsklfjdskljf what an honor!

jk has a fucking audacity like…i get he’s desperate and full of remorse but reader has move on/start to finally move on and he’s throwing her back into those old memories :((( idk i don’t think that’s fair towards them besides i don’t think he still love them in the same way he loved them during their teenage years like they broke up before their twenties and those are the years where you change and grow the most…i think his love is the same way as reader described with the worned jeans parallel etc etc

love these commentaries on jk and reader! it's so hard to have something like that happen.. especially if it happened when they both were far from mature enough to handle it. you have a great ass point about the formative years, too! wow i actually really like how you approached that whole section. this shit is why i love hearing from y'all forreal!

i was really touched by bro :(((

man i love that man.

im glad the backstory for bro and reader was developed during this chapter like the dynamic between them is much more understandable, have you always have that kind of family problem in mind for their personal story when you started to develop the characters?

YES! i'm so happy you liked their backstory build. it was necessary to flesh out so that we could understand where they're both coming from, as painful as that was to finally say. this was my plan for awhile, but gosh it was still hard to really write.

SO HERE COMES THE GUILT AND PAIN :D sobbing crying throwing up right fucking now like when reader understands what yoongi represents to bro im just…jfc..this is going to get ugly so fast when their relation is out… i appreciated the moment of clarity by reader when she’s like « oh if yoongi can do all of these for me when we’re not even together then i can’t even imagine for my brother during college»

GOD I KNOWWWW like damn. yoongi's choice was so jarring at first, but when we get this background on bro? it makes sense and brings a whole new wave of guilt. it isn't just "we don't wanna get between them" anymore, it's more like "shit... we could potentially destroy something much bigger than we thought." and like,, knowing what we know about yoongi? he hasn't had the best time before reader showed up..... so.... yeah.

THREE FUCKING MONTHS KDKFKD no wonder they trashed the desk after such a long time lmaoommg’fnf

LMFAOOOOO YEAH I WOULDVE BEEN THE SAME.

the aftercare, sobbing crying screaming AND throwing up again the whole speech by reader in the car about how she missed him…yoongi snapping up omg’fkd and the whole cuddling and humming and shedding tears im just 🥺🥺 my babies 🥺🥺🥺 just wanna build a bubble or shelter for them to live in in peace 😞

the way i want the gd same! the aftercare scenes were some of my absolute favorites to write, and i even saved them for last so that i could finally breathe after working on the rest lol. they're as much of a relief for me as the writer as they are for y'all and the characters. i'm so proud of reader for the car thing! bc we've seen them finally say something in basketball, but i think this was even better.

BTW HOW DARE YOU GIVING US PUBLIC DISPLAY OF AFFECTION AND A FUCKING KISS AGAINST HIS CAR WHEN THEY’RE OUT ⚰️

LMFAOOOOO i meeeean yoongi was pretty far around the corner if it took seven minutes to get to him, but YEAH. MWAHAHA.

you know what i thought of when i read the last part about oc coming home and bro waiting for them ? that damn spoiler about someone/bro (??) telling « it’s about yoongi. isn’t it. » DDBSKDKDKDK ryen gdi

I AM SAYING NOTHING!!!!! i can't believe you remembered that though omg??

and now i think i should’ve voted for the whole story with the 30k etc like i’m addicted i think and i cannot wait to see the following for this damn cliffhanger once again how dare you i’ll probably reread this a dozen times more during the weekend except sunday because i have a second date with that same person ☺️rest well and hope to read more soon 🫶

thank you so damn much! nahhhh the 30k would've taken me all the way out lmfao. this would've taken SO much longer if we waited. i think this gives everyone time to breathe! an intermission of sorts, or like when an episode ends on a cliffhanger ahahah.

read as many times as you want to! thank you so much for reading so soon, and i hope the second date goes/went very very well :D happy to hear about it, too!

#i shall rest very well thank you!#📀 anon #asks:3tan #3tan10 #lovely people #*ryenfictalk #mailbox💌#3tan spoilers #long post

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wishtherebestars · 2 years

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Prince that was promised

I believe it’s Jon, although in the books i believe it to be three people

1. we now know it was Aegon’s dream, and engraved on his dagger which Arya uses to kill the Night King. and Rhaenyra translates it to “Prince that was promised” (we only get in the show that its neutral, but given Rhaenyra is fluent in High Valyrian i dont see her make mistakes)

2. parallel of Viserys/Rhaenyra + Lyanna/Ned. “Promise me, Rhaenyra, Promise me” and “Promise me, Ned, Promise me”

3. “a King or Queen strong enough to bring the realm together” if it wasn’t for Jon they probably wouldn’t have known about the White Walkers or the Night King. Jon had the North work with a Targaryen Queen, yes they had issues with her, but Jon still went and asked. (Along with Sansa) North had support from the Riverlands and Vale, even convinced Jaime Lannister to fight in during the Long Night

4. “Must be a Targaryen on the Iron Throne” Jon has a show coming, which was pitched to GRRM as well who supposedly liked it, so i assume there will be more answers regarding Jon’s Targaryen side or maybe even the real dream of Aegon, another Long Night perhaps

5. Book wise, i believe its about Jon, Daenerys and Young Griff, because Rhaegar had an obsession with “Dragon has three heads” in show im also convinced Rhaegar was obsessed with Aegons prophecy which is why i believe he sought out Lyanna. Lyanna was Ice and he was Fire he knew their child would be both, which in the show is why i believe they went with Aegon for Jon. had Rhaegar gotten his way, he would probably want two more children with Lyanna

#asoiaf #asoif/got #asoiaf theories #game of thrones #hotd #house of the dragon #house of the dragon spoilers #jon snow

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faggotmox · 2 years

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oh fuck i'm abt to talk abt growing up the child of alcoholics with a bryan as an older brother so scroll on or hit read more, i do not care.

my moms drank herself to death. she drank our whole lives & well before it. my dad too but he's a passive drinker. anyways, the point being my mom was fucked up, she had mental health issues & came from a physically & emotionally abusive home. as a child she was kept from her father after her parents divorced, her mother beat her at times, & she often had to protect her little brother who is kinda slow.

guess what kinda environment she made for us? my moms never laid hands on us, but she abused emotionally & mentally. the shit she did always raised alarm bells with me (crawling into my bed, drunk at early hours as she cried abt how she's a bad mom to me & things along these lines). my brother did not see these things are red flags or alarms.

my mom & I were my brother's only blood relatives here bc my mom took him from his dad after her divorce & moved across the country (huh kinda like how her mom kept her from her dad after their split, huh???). my dad was a fine father to us (aside from the drinking & queerphobia) but he was only my brother's dad by default which is proved now after my mom's passing & my dad doesnt really want anything to do with my brother.

anyways, my mom was all my brother had. so there was always an excuse or a reason why what she was doing was okay or fine or didn't matter. ofc we never had big blow up abt shit, bc in real life people just die they don't have big dramatic bullshit. but bryan's point of view, his excuses, his reasoning, runs parallel to my brother's feelings & place. i was the one trying so hard to get him to see, so he didn't get fucked up by her. i never wanted to like cut my mom out, maybe get her help but yeah she died before that, i just didnt want my brother wrapped up in her issues which caused issues in him.

i the kid that realized i was an alcoholic & got to work on that. my brother didn't, he still doesn't see what she did & we are going five plus years post death by drinking. & we watcher her kill herself, she was told to stop drinking & she pared down. drank "only" beer & wine, nothing hard, & ofc that was still making her sick. she eventually got sick enough she couldn't drink really.

so much of the emotional charge between regal, bryan, & mox, all people who have first hand experience with life threatening addiction, is so fucking real. if youve never been in it, like we have, you may not understand the pain these three are sharing & presenting to us. ive been mox holding onto the rope, shaking & wanting to plead for bryan to see but knowing he wont. ive been bryan, blinded by the love of someone important & special something unconditional. & ive been regal, a drunk who has hurt the people around me.

god that fucked me up. but it did it's job. it got under my skin, it triggered me & forced me to deal with certain feelings ive compartmentalized. as a person who has lived, in a way, every aspect of this story they're telling...its accurate & it hurts & its fucking painful & it's good. as hard & painful & unwanted as this is for me, its also good for me. & as someone who cant fathom putting that out there, on a national stage, i respect what they're doing bc it must be fuckin hard.

i lost over a year's sobriety on October 25th. i only got a few weeks under me anymore. & in a way this reminded me that it's going to relapse, that it's part of recovery, & i can move forward from here. its fuckin dumb that this shit can work, like when it's something you want to & need to see, art can work really well to help you realize shit. it fuckin sucks but im not alone. my mom wasn't alone. my brother isn't alone. even if we don't quiet see it.

#fumy enough the day i lost it is jeff Jarrett's anniversary day lmao #cant forget that date lmao #to be deleted #delete later #abt ranger #dont read this its dumb and makes no sense #hi this is my journal entry #where i talk abt that bcc promo

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magicalmyu · 2 years

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guess who's gonna rant about anti entropy!!!! its me!!!!!

okay so today im gonna talk about tesla, because i talk about eins and welt enough on discord and i appreciate tesla just as much as the others.

(continued after the cut)

so, first of all, tesla definitely has a crush on eins. even if you disregard everything in the mangas and game as "oh but they're just close friends, they don't actually like each other," the vn makes it so damn clear that tesla has a huge crush on her colleague. whether it's the running joke that tesla likes to spoil eins while hating joyce's guts, or how she seems jealous of how much attention eins gives joyce, there's definitely some unrequited love going on here.

now, aside from the einsla propaganda, I'd also like to talk about tesla's character and attitude. while on the surface, she seems like your average tsundere, doing more digging shows that's not the case. in the VN, tesla seems significantly nicer, only losing her temper every now and then instead of being frustrated with someone at any given moment. however, one thing that should definitely noted is how much she cares for the others. in the visual novel, she frequently expresses worry for joyce, despite her supposedly disliking him. whether it's her being concerned at the start of the vn when joyce wasn't answering the door, or her lashing out at him after he refused to protect himself while eins extracted the soulium from the painting, telling him that he doesn't want him to give himself up to protect others, she shows how much she really cares for others in numerous ways.

this other side of tesla isn't just exclusive to the vn, too! second eruption and the nagazora chapters also give some insight to these character traits. in second eruption, when joachim confronts tesla about his plan to defeat sirin on the moon, she gets angry at him. this scene seems to parallel her scene with joyce in the vn, where she also states that "she hates people like him [who try to sacrifice themselves without any thought]" which may be a direct reference to the vn scene in question. apart from this, tesla also reminds eins to stay safe after she went out in the arahato mech to confront sirin. (ofc eins gets absolutely owned and in any other case i would be mad but tbh sirin is a queen too so no hard feelings <3)

in thunders over nagazora, tesla expresses concern for kiana and mei's situation. in fact, she didn't even want to be the one to tell mei the news, which is why she got tesla to do it for her. (i dont remember this one perfectly so lmk if i misremembered anything) there's also some archives from a source currently unknown to me (it might be the herrscher of thunder trial stages tho) where eins and tesla discuss what happened in nagazora. tesla expresses guilt over the situation, and believes that she and eins could have done something in order to prevent it. eins, as usual, comforts tesla and assures her that she understands her frustration and that they will work towards a good solution.

now, why does she act this way? and more importantly, why is her character in the vn so wildly different from her character in the game and manga? well, i have a theory of my own.

remember how tesla said she didn't want to see joyce "drown in his own compassion"? well, guess what happened to him? yep, she predicted his downfall: his own compassion. surely, after a tragedy as horrible as this, especially considering how eins was also noticeably affected by his death, you would think that she would change because of this too. and thus, she did. she begins to think that if she made herself unlikable, to the point where no one would care enough about her that they would give up their lives like joyce did, she wouldn't have to go through the pain of losing someone like him again. whether it was eins, or joachim, or even the hyperion crew, they must all mean a lot to her. perhaps this is why she resonated with kiana and mei, too. mei was a victim of the same thing eins and tesla were - the inability to protect someone who didn't even want to protect themselves.

but, of course, i can't really say im completely correct here. after all, im not hoyoverse.

in conclusion, i feel like tesla's character is misunderstood quite often by the fandom. she, along with joyce and eins, are definitely some of the most underrated characters in honkai, in my opinion.

tl;dr, tesla genuinely cares about people close to her, she just had her own ways of expressing this love due to past experiences.

#tesla honkai #honkai impact 3rd #einstein honkai #welt joyce #analysis #frederica nikola tesla #lieserl albert einstein #hi3 #einsla #might do one for eins and welt if im feeling goofy

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tparker48 · 3 years

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Request for Forever-1234567899

Tim was shrunk due to one of the cites catastrophes, he had to manage to find a job somewhere that would be willing to hire someone at you size. Unfortunate no one would take him up on his offer as each turned it down. That is until one fellow appeared from one of the alleys and approached him.

"Hey shrimp, i hear you're looking for a high paying job"

"Y-yeah i am. Do you any that'd be willing" Tim asked.

"Oh I'd say there pretty willing. Interested?"

"Yes! God yes!"

"Splendid, let me take you there" the fellow lowered a hand to the ground as he waited for Tim to step up.

Tim was hesitant at first, butt he soon hopped aboard as the giant began to move. It was a quiet walk as the sound of the city echoed in the area before the giant turned a corner and went into an apartment. The giant soon entered into a room as Tim was placed onto the bed.

"Nice digs, i love the color pattern on the walls. Oh! I didn't quite catch your name, and what's that job you were talking about" Tim said excitingly. His attention looking around the bed before a light thud brought hus gaze to the giant. His shorts were lowered over his thighs as the as the back of hus underwear was pulled down.

"The only name you call me, is boss. And your job is being a prop for my show" he says.

Tim was thinking he was joking, but the sudden hand reaching over to him said otherwise. He tried getting off the bed, but it wasn't enough as his entire body was lifted up and mushed between the tender flesh of his crack.

"Hey! I didn't sign up for this! Gah-" the mounds of flesh drew closer as the Tim could feel the hole clench at his back. The area would soon envelope his body as the tender muscle would begin to roll themselves ontop of him. Each stroke increasing the frowsty smelly as the walls got slick.

"First rule of the job, no whining while working got it?" The giant gave his ass a slight as he felt tim's back against his pucker. The feeling encourage him to hold his cheeks together as he teasingly began to pucker up his hole to bring him closer.

"Alright alright, i get it! No whining!" Tim managed timo muffle from with the muscle.

"Good, now for my offer. I got some picture I need to take for a client of mine. He demands pictures of a tiny inside my ass, so you're hear to ensure he gets it"

"But why does it have to be me!"

"What did i say about whining"

"Er- R-right sir, or..boss"

"That's better. Now, if you must know, not many who shrunk to your size are not so keen on walking about the city. Something that you foolishly did on your own. And since you're the only i got, you're gonna do it. If you want your pay, you gotta ensure the client is happy" The giant said.

"So all i have to do is participate in your pictures, that's it"

"Yes, and you can return to your life freely. IF the client is satisfied"

"Okay, doesn't sound too bad...so what type of pictures is he looking for?" Tim saw the mounds of flesh begin to mounds of flesh begin to open as two fingers would stick themselves in and fondle at his body. Hus body would twist against the walls until his back was parallel to the giant's pucker and his hand and feel were planted into the sides of his cheeks.

"The first, he wants a picture of a tiny stretching my cheeks apart. Without help he implied" the giant said.

"Push them apart! How am i even supposed to lift them"

"Guess you gotta figure that out. Get to it" the giant aligned his ass towards the mirror as he held the camera in his hands. He looked back at his cheeks as he saw them begin to part and wobble. Constantly, Tim's body would appear between the moon like glutes before they clapped back together. Hits grunts and pushes felt as the giant got a hard on in the process.

Attempt after attempt, the you would see he cheeks clap themselves together as they hid Tim from sight. "Come on runt, the client hasn't got all day".

"Easier said than done when you're trying part a whole ass! Gah!" Tim's hands would constantly slip between the cheeks walls as the muscles compressed him into a musty embrace. The flesh now feel warm as the humidity inside increased. It took a couple of trial and errors, but Tim managed to get a hold he pressed with all his might. His front side would appear between the giants cheeks in the mirrors as he pushed them as far as he can. "Take the shot!".

"Hang on, i need to get the camera focused. A little bit here and..."

"Take the shot damn it! Im slipping!"

"...there" just as the giant said that, the cheeks would clench back together as Tims grunts muffled from between.

"Not bad runt, the client seems happy with that one"

"Nuh, he better be" Tim mumbled.

"What was that"

"N-nothing boss! So, is that only one he needs?"

"Far from it, he wants one more"

"And what's that" Tim muffled. The area would soon begin to compact as the giant as s would begin to compress. A thick fabric would manage to slither its way between the giants cheeks as Tim's body was brought closer to the puckered hole behind him.

"He want a picture of you pushing out of my ass with my underwear on. Even highlighted "with handprints" in red" the giant said.

"Seriously!" Tim gritted from the compact space.

"Very, now get to it" the giant placed both hands on his cheeks as he brought close together. The fabric along with Tim would bulge forward as his grunts muffled from behind the wooled fabric. "Best get to pushin. The camera is set on a timer of 5 seconds. So im not letting up the pressure til i get a good picture for the client" the giant could feel the lile stretches in between his ass as his pucker could feel Tim's feet kicking against it. The fabric would buck in the mirror, but there would be no bulge.

"How does it look out there?"

"Pitiful" the giant snerked.

"I meant the handprints!"

"There are none, push harder" the giant clenched his body a little as the pressure increased slightly. It pushed the mounds of flesh against Tim as he was pressed in the blue fabric. His face outlined from the center as the glutes morphed around the tight fabric. "Well, its not hands, but it'll do" the giant clenched his cheeks once more as the bulged face got bigger. But on the inside, Tim would begin to notice am his lower half was being pushed into his hole. He tried getting the giant's attention but the fabric only silenced them. The giant continued clenching his ass more of the bulged face appeared, but after the last snapshot was taking from the timer was when he stopped.

He soon picked up his as he looked at the pictures captured. Each slide showing Tim's face bulging from the underwear. "Yeah, he'll like those. Alright runt, that's enough. You've earned pay" the giant says looming in the mirror. He pulled down the fabric, but could see Tim. "Hmm?" Pulling them more down, he parted his cheeks apart to show Tim gripping along the rim of his hole.

"Great, you got your pictures! Now can you get me out of your hole before it sucks me in?"

"Hold on.." The giant reached over towards his phone as he aligned it near his ass. Then with a flash, the hole would clench tighter as the giant checked the picture. "Mmm, no that's a picture i think he would like".

"Good, now get me out your ass please boss"

"Fine Fine, i'll let you" **ping** "hmm..."

"What? What's wrong" Before Tim knew it, the underwear's flap would begin to stretch overhead as the sealed him inside. "Hey! What are you doing?!"

"Change of plans runt. Looks like my hunch was correct, the really did like that picture. Insisted he payed double if i sent him more" the giant continued to redress as he took another picture.

"What, no! Grg! I didn't sign up for that! Let me out of here!"

"Pipe down will ya, you're killing the vibe. I'll let you out tomorrow...Or the next day. I don't know we'll see" with that the giant pulled up his shorts as he began to walk out the door. With Tim struggling to get out as the mounds of flesh and must compressed around him.

#giant #musk

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twoticky · 3 years

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hm okay. so i said i was gonna write about this and idk if anyone else actually cares but im Thinking About It.

from what ive seen abt the general tumblr analysis of malvolio (which i certainly dont claim to be an expert on. im just here!), there's a lot of talk abt neurodivergence, particularly autism, as it relates to his character. which is rad obviously! but as someone currently playing malvolio myself, i feel the one of the most important, maybe THE most important factor for me in interpreting malvolio is class, and how he relates to it.

nobility and status is, more broadly, A Thing that comes up in twelfth night. although the primary part of viola's disguise is that she's dressing as a man, she's also a noblewoman dressing as a servant. in shakespeare's time, class lines were pretty strictly defined and relationships between nobility and servants were strongly disapproved of, so viola's position in the class ladder certainly isn't irrelevant to her romantic prospects. (hence why olivia asks about cesario's parentage in 1.5 -- she's not just making small talk, she wants to ensure that he's not impossibly below her). while actual servants having relationships with nobility was considered scandalous, the idea of love as service was common and appears throughout shakespeare's plays; viola calls orsino olivia's servant because of his love for her, for one example, and antonio's extremely homoerotic devotion to sebastian manifests itself through his dedication to service. and of course there's viola herself, who literally serves her love orsino, until her true identity is revealed and she becomes "orsino's mistress, and his fancy's queen," the roles of servant and commander switching through their love. and then we get to malvolio!

(from here on out i'm gonna talk a lot about my personal analysis of his character, which you can feel free to disagree with. every actor who plays him does it differently and i think that's one of the great things about his character!) malvolio is frequently considered a parallel to the various lovers in the play, most often compared to orsino as their semi-obsession and courtship of olivia is similar, but i think, because of a lot of the stuff about master/servant relationships i talked about above, he's also comparable to viola in some ways. what makes him different, though, is that his love for olivia is almost secondary to his love for what she can give him -- power and respect. malvolio, presumably, was born to a lower class family, and has attained the rank of steward because of his obedience and commitment to rules. and he believes that through this obedience he will get the status he rightly deserves, that jove and his stars will bestow luck upon him. although many things about the play's class system don't particularly translate to modern times, one thing became clear to me pretty quickly about malvolio: he's kind of a bootlicker. now, don't get me wrong, i love his character! but fundamentally, he is someone who believes he can escape the oppressive class structures of his time and place if he just works hard enough. and he works hard! he dedicates himself to olivia's service, and part of why he hates the fool, or sir toby's entourage, is that they aren't working. they have the luxury to sit around and joke while he's had to work every second of his life to get this far! so while he's, in some ways, sympathetic, it's pretty understandable why so many people hate him.

and then we get to the prank. now, i think it's really important to remember, while sir toby is pretty much a ne'er-do-well, he is nobility. he's olivia's uncle, and although he may not have money, he has status. and in sir toby's mind, the crime malvolio has committed is rising above his station -- he's disrespected toby with his chastisement and threats to kick him out, and he's "disrespected" olivia by desiring her, which of course because of his status is considered inherently predatory. (this is, additionally, why i find lesbian malvolio so interesting as a re-interpretation, adds a lil something to the sense of malvolio being predatory just because of who he is). so, of course, malvolio must have everything he's wanted for so long dangled in front of him, and then have it ripped away. only fair, right?

although twelfth night is a play that challenges convention in a lot of ways, we're still living in the 1600s (1500s? fuck, when was this play written?), and we have to have some approximation of returning to proper social order at the end of the play. orsino marries a noblewoman, olivia marries a nobleman, and malvolio stays where he is. what changes, towards the end of the play, is that malvolio has realized, depressing as it is, that he can't win. he tried to do everything olivia wanted, and this resulted in punishment. in his letter to her in 5.1, he says he has forgotten his station, that he speaks only out of injury, which he certainly would have never done before. and ironically, once malvolio has abandoned his striving his grandeur, the play finally gives him the dignity he's been denied. his lines in the final scene of the play are the only time he ever speaks in verse instead of prose -- speaks in the language of nobility, lovers, sympathetic characters, instead of that of servants and "lighter people."

in some ways the ending of twelfth night is a bit of a bummer -- malvolio storms off, pledging revenge on everyone who has stood there and laughed while he was stripped of his dignity, and as far as we no there is no conclusion, no justice is served. how can we just, like, walk away and be fine with that? i guess to answer that i'd paraphrase an article mentioned in the back of the folgers: the greatest revenge malvolio gets, the greatest victory over all the nobility with which he shares the stage, is being, in the end, the most memorable character in the play.

#shakespeare #twelfth night #im sorry if this is like. incredibly long winded. i feel like i wrote a novel here #also sorry for not having like proper quotations my folgers is downstairs and im too lazy to go get it #so im just relying on memory for these. if i got something wrong dont like kill me

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