thedigitaliscollective

[thedigitaliscollective]

sometimes a girl is actually a bunch of girls. and thats ok. all of her is awesome. shes multiple girls. a wom&n, if you will

this post is about being a system (but i dont mind if you reblog it about something else). also its inclusive of all system origins

[thedigitaliscollective]

You built your selective empire

On ways to break a human soul

You built your bridge upon our backs

And made us pay the toll

Smile if your weak, smile if your strong

Smile if you’ve been shovelling the shit for way too goddamn long

Feel what they tell you to feel

And don’t forget to toe the line

Because how you speak online is how you get defined

A string for the workweek, a string for sickness

If your lucky they will puppeteer you

Without adding restrictions

#us politics #politics #political #short poem #original poem #poems on tumblr #my poem #poetry #callout posts #trystanspeaks

[thedigitaliscollective]

Cthulu sleeps beneath the sea

What will it take for humanity to finally see

Whats hidden should remain so

Wrapped in peace

They keep him within the custody of the sister seas

The earth is a prison to all who remain

Which is why you suffer so

And your energy quietly drains

But for one who was battled long ago and contained

Dream of freedom while we are quietly slain

A dream of seclusion for all who remain

There is a reason why some secrets are better kept

More reasons than letters of our alphabet

While our climate changes you place a bet

New rules for old contracts a promise unkept.

#antphrodite #has a point #conspiracy #conspiracy theorists claim #conspiracy theory of the day #they found something beneath the sea #cthullu #the sound heard around the world #he sleeps #we are poison for other worlds #what if they want to keep something here maybe they are studying our levels of exposure to see if he is close to waking #i dont know #all just theories #don’t come for me #trigger warning

[thedigitaliscollective]

[thedigitaliscollective]

There was a woman with fair hair

And iron skin

She breathed in poison

For want of sin

She twisted the knife as a proxy

Who could’ve known miss

Maren doxy

Could be the savage creature she is

For want of sin

And what is sown

A simple saga

With twisted foes

Has become more pity than tale

Away she could have ;

by dead of night

Upon the warning for what is right

But Maren was knee deep

In love

Villians are never that to start

Most of them have truly gracious hearts;

They get lost along the way,

Ms Doxy was easy to the din

The kind of noise that wrinkles your skin

In one and out went the truth

The characters talk

And listen you should

For each side needs to be understood

The evil comes

When you don’t

When you live and breathe

For only one side

The poison broke through

Marens iron hide

As she braced herself for the tears

she was hopelessly lost to the years.

#tumblr poets #female poets #poets corner #poet #poetic #poetry #short poem #original poem #poets on tumblr #you know #you know who you fucking are #jo speaks

[thedigitaliscollective]

We are really scared about what goes into our body and need someone to taste test our food most of the time because we are convinced ppl are trying to poison us. No thanks @lovegabbiehanna for the inaccurate portrayal of this disorder.

#living with ghosts #ghost speaks #ocdawareness #ocdproblems #ocd #obsessive compulsive disorder #poison fear #gabbie hanna

[thedigitaliscollective]

insta: @duckinggoodart

#personallifestuff #heartsart #dissociative identity disorder #trystanspeaks

[thedigitaliscollective]

Shit sucks last night was straight up awful, one kid messaged me just to start a fight and the other got pissed because i keep engaging and letting said kid upset me and then i didn’t have enough time to spend with him before bedtime. So then he and i fought, my wife was at work so i coped badly, time shifted and i ended up switching. I did some things i needed to do spiritually, an alter patched things up with my son, things get hazy from there but i think we ate and took our sleeping med. I think we ended up talking to ourselves and falling in and out of sleep I can’t even be sure. The dissociation was real. After all of that. We finally got to bed, because of our constant alert system i don’t remember what it’s called we immediately woke up when we heard something downstairs. Of course we live with chronic pain so there wasn’t really any sleeping until around two hours after that when my kid had to get to school, my poor wife, sends him off to school and by now we can’t stay asleep and something appears to be moving in our room and now it’s spinning so we notice we’re having a nightmare and now it’s two and we don’t see our therapist’s angry text until 5:30. We don’t even have the energy to get anxious and upset because if we lose her we are so fucking fuckt. But sure punish us, sounds about right. You missing out on a client sucks ass and I’m really sorry I’m not trying to minimize that but you can’t make a diagnosis and think to yourself “well as long as they don’t show symptoms around me” oh didn’t mention shits been extra bad lately because one of our abuser’s court dates happens tomorrow.

#dissociative identity disorder #trystanspeaks #actually dissociative #dissociation #actuallytraumagenic #cursing #abuse mention #americarunsonpunishment #i hate this #jfc

[thedigitaliscollective]

Don’t you love when your therapist punishes you for having symptoms of exactly what they diagnosed you with?

#dissociative identity disorder #dissociativeidentitydisorder #trystanspeaks #dissociation #wowimightmisstherapyonceinawhilebecauseidkwhatdayitis #orwtfievenam #ifeelikenoonetalksaboutthis #ifeelikelasttuesdaywaslikeadayago #idk whatever

[thedigitaliscollective]

Fuck dissociation.

#dissociative identity disorder #trystanspeaks #ghost speaks #whothehellami? #what is even happening #did #actuallydid #actually did #traumagenic system #headachesarefun #howmanyofusareevenfrontingrightnow?

[thedigitaliscollective]

Why is that so apropos for us?

my blog is just one long love letter to myself and all the people i used to be

#dissociative identity disorder #did #trystanspeaks #ghost speaks #wereacofrontingmess #so appropriate #traumagenic system

[thedigitaliscollective]

Ok, hands at your sides. Off of the handlebars. Are you still breathing? Check. Now take another deep breath. You’ve got this. What if we were a fish? A trout? Flicking through the water like a sentient candle flame. Not saying they aren’t maybe they are….back to the water. Do you feel it around you? The very stuff that life is made of? The thing that dispels all mental maladies. Breathing? Hold it for two heartbeats. Fly out of the water and into the sunlight.. Fish need air too. the sunlight glints off of your scales. You are freedom, out of this river into another.

This is what i use to get through some of my panic attacks. Just thought it might help you too.

#fuck anxiety #anxious #anxietyattack #anxiety #deep breath #breathe #you got this #stream of consciousness #literally #trystanspeaks

[thedigitaliscollective]

Like you’ve never eaten half a tub of frosting before…I’m not sad. you’re sad.

#trystanspeaks #frosting #sad boy #depression memes #sad aesthetic

[thedigitaliscollective]

TRIGGER WARNING -talk about trauma

I want to bring up something rarely talked about publicly when it comes to trauma especially trauma relating to csa. Sexual disfunction can be a big part of your symptoms, even when in a normal healthy relationship. You are not broken. You are gluing your pieces together and working your way towards being whole. You are so brave.

#trigger warning #csa tw #sexualabuse #sexual dysfunction #dysfunction #trauma #complex post traumatic stress disorder #living with ghosts #ghost speaks #i love you #you can love you

[thedigitaliscollective]

I am your mom. Your only mom. No matter what your head tells you. You are my dowy, cause when you were too young to say daughter that’s what i called you. I was always ready for the ride. We are both seriously mentally ill you and I. Your father fed the wrong wolf made you think mental illnesses made you special made you think any kind of work was a chance to rebel. He never wanted children, made me give up my first. Didn’t raise you until a year before the divorce.

I just wanted you to know the truth as i saw it not just the truth in the things I’ve said but the truth in a more general sense; but now i know the truth has to have time to tell itself. No amount of the damnation you’ve wished upon me can be worse than what i want for myself everyday when i think of you. You not wanting me, treating me so horribly, your envenimation filled words, rather they come from your own head, your fathers or hers. Nothing could prepare me for this, make me want to give up like this. I love you. I will continue to love you no matter where you are or what you do i will never stop, i can never let go. I wasn’t perfect. Parenting with several co-present mental illnesses is never easy. I tried stupid hard though. Tried to raise you hard so no one could punch through your tough armor, tried to raise you with soft edges so you could understand others and their pain. I tried to make you a self rescuing princess with a dark sense of humor. I told you i was there. Told you you could come to me whenever you wanted to talk or if you just wanted to sit it in silence. When you cried i told you classic childrens stories and tried to hold you. I’ve had some dark thoughts too, all parents do but the beauty of that is we don’t act on them, we just cuss under our breath and move on in silence. I know i was never your perfect idea of what a mother should be but i fought like hell never to be like my own parents. I suffered quite loudly some days but i apologised if i scared you with my tears and i took a deep breath and tried to start my day.

I hope like hell that some days you and i stare up at the same vast sky. I hope you feel small under the sea of endless stars like i do. I hope you and those you love try to map out the constellations like i do. I hope you walk with the moon at your side and that you love with your whole heart. That someone holds you above all else one day and treats you with respect and that is the person you marry. Before you turn your back completely know that I’m here. I never meant for this. I never meant for this

#estranged #living with mental illness #trystanspeaks #parenthood #a mother's love #amothersloveisforever #a mothers sorrow #sorrow #one for sorrow #iloveyou #you are my heartbeat #youaremyforever #thesamesky #iwasntperfect

[thedigitaliscollective]

Why does everything have to happen all at once

#vent post #dissociative identity disorder #dissociation #trystanspeaks #actuallytraumagenic #trauma #not the op

[thedigitaliscollective]

Ok, just a little weird. I am laying in bed with my partner system. I wrote down my nightmare and asked them to read it. They said they would but kept falling asleep, not mad just stating the facts. Eventually they dropped their phone. I said to them, “if you can’t read it, thats perfectly fine, just get some sleep”. Immediately, a text comes through, “just did” my partner says she didn’t send it.

#glitch in the matrix