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fluesterscherben · 4 days
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I just had a thought.
Younger Hartley is stopped after his first crime - by a cop asking him if he has seen "a young man dressed in spotted pyjamas with a nightcap and a weird looking flute".
Hartley (who has his Piper outfit and mindcontrol flute in his backpack) short circuts and signs "I am not the droid you're looking for."
You know what? I want a TV show about the Rogues. No saving the world or trying to take it over. Just:
Them being a big screwed up family, with no one but Axel realizing. Planing heists together and fighting over who has to do the dishes. Being chaotic, lovable villains with a code of honor. Robbing a bank. 
Stalking Hartley on his first date with a cute guy in super ridiculous disguises. The guy being super freaked out and Hartley just facepalming. “Ignore them. They are idiots.”
Staging an intervention for Evan, because quote: “You can’t just keep killing people because they looked at you funny!”
Lisa signing Len and Mick up for marriage counseling. In her defense: the advert only read ‘Better Partners’. How was she supposed to know?
Basically: I want a family comedy/soap opera about a found family of criminals.
Is that so much to ask for?
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fluesterscherben · 5 days
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Jin Guangyao is probably the worst man on earth.
(And Xuanyu is his favorite brother for a reason.)
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fluesterscherben · 5 days
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Fanfic Idea
A life for a life. A soul for a soul. - It doesn't turn out the way Mo Xuanyu was sure it would.
Instead he finds himself in the body of his idol, shortly after the Siege of the Burrial Mounds with one singular cut on his left arm and a small child clinging onto him.
He is not suited to raising a kid - he knows that, the voices in his head know that and every other human being on this earth knows that.
But, really, what other options are there?
(How do you live, knowing that everyone who seems to care for you really only does because they think you are someone else? How do you live, knowing that everyone you are growing to love loves the shadow of a dead man you can never even hope to come close to?
How do you live, when all you have is a house built from elaborate lies?)
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fluesterscherben · 2 months
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I don't know if you've figured out how to get the hunter and the guard to kiss yet, but I'd like to propose a solution:
You are just a normal stablehand, absolutely not a fugitive trying to reach the border after you decided to book it because your boss was a cartoonishly evil villanous queen.
You are just a normal stablehand and you are absolutely not using brushing this horse's coat as an excuse to hide your face because there is a noble's envoy here and they might regognize you and hand you over to your pissed of ex-employer as a gift of good will or some shit.
Absolutely not, why would anyone think that.
And then suddenly there is a tug on the fabric of your trousers, just above your knee.
You turn your head very, very slowly.
There is a child standing next to you, looking up at you with big, bright eyes and a toothy grin. Something in your heart breaks.
(There was a little girl who smiled at you like that once. You do not know what happened to her after you have her dry meat out of your stash and your water flask and told her to run.)
The child wears silk and an expensive fur cloak and when it speaks the accent is foreign.
"Do you know lots about horses, mister?"
This can't hurt, can it? It's a child. It's just a child, there is no need to be rude.
"Ye migh' say that, young master."
"Really? That's super great! I love horses! I love hunting too, like in the stories! That's why mother lets me go on a hunting trip!"
The little noble chatters your ears off and you nod along and make affirming grumbling noises and lift him up by his armpits when he asks so he can pet the horse better. Internally you are screaming. Where is this kid's supervision? This is dangerous! He could have gotten lost! Or kidnapped!
"Your majesty!", someone calls, both exasperated and relieved at once and your brain stutters to a screeching halt. Majesty. Fuck. Fuck. You are absolutely screwed.
The person who called out for the child - the prince that is, turns out to be a man around your age, dressed as a royal guard of a neighboring kingdom, with a hunting cloak thrown over his armour.
He turns to you with an expression that could be either amused, sympathetic, grateful or all three at once. "Thank you for watching over his royal highness."
His accent is foreign too. It's a pretty nice accent.
Maybe this won't be too bad. He doesn't seem to know you as a traitor to the queen of your country and doesn't seem to think you tried to kidnap his prince. That's good. That's pretty good. Maybe you aren't screwed quite yet.
Then the little prine speaks up, bouncing up and down in front of his guard. "Hans, Hans, he has to come with us! He knows a lot about horses and hunting! He has to!"
The guard - Hans - looks at you with a tired sigh and shrugs. Nobles, what can you do.
Obviously you end up going with them. What else could you possibly do?
You know the Grimm version of Snow White makes more sense than most versions if only because in that version Snow White was like 7 years old.
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fluesterscherben · 2 months
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Oh my god. It's Aschenputtel! I'd recognize that white little bird everywhere! You, person who wrote this addition, have just won my eternal admiration.
In the Grimm version it was gold slippers (well first bronze and then silver, but the one she lost was gold), not glass slippers and I am so glad!
You know the Grimm version of Snow White makes more sense than most versions if only because in that version Snow White was like 7 years old.
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fluesterscherben · 2 months
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Headcanons/Thoughts about a Fem!WWX/ Yiling Matriarch AU
If Wei Ying is a woman, then so is Jiang Cheng. I don't make the rules.
That means someone else has to be the heir, so obviously Jiang Yanli is a man in this universe. The dynamic doesn't change much (shige is just as caring and just as good at making soup and parenting his menaces as shijie was, a'Ying is just as chaotic and a free spirit as a'Xian and a'Cheng is still angry and jealous and prickly) but it does a tiny bit, because a male Jiang Yanli has a lot more responsibility on his shoulders and a female Jiang Cheng as a bit less of it, because she isn't the heir (but she's still her mother's daughter, so...only a bit.) Jiang Yanli has eldest daughter syndrome in any universe.
Madam Yu is a tiny bit less hostile than in canon, because yeah, she still thinks that girl is her husband's bastard, but even if she was recognized Wei Ying couldn't be a threat to the position of Madam Yu's son. So she's still pissed, but a tiny bit less.
Jin Zixuan is a woman and has three younger sisters. Why? Because a male heir was needed and her parents had to keep trying. Unfortunatly Jin Guangshan seems incapeable of having legitimate sons. (Meng Yao is still male. And Qin Su is male too, for hilarity's sake. - all of Jin Guangshan's bastards are sons and two of them are older than his eldest legitimate daughter.) That makes Jin Zixun the heir to Lanling Jin.
Nie Mingjue is a woman. She runs the Nie Clan with an iron fist, officially as her brother's regent. A lady of war, brandishing a blade red like the blood it has spilled. (Her brother doesn't want to inherit. He wants to lounge around like a wet blanket and paint dainty things forever! Why couldn't he have been born a younger sister to an older brother, he laments to his friends. Embroidery and accounting and getting married off far away from where he has to do saber practice every day sounds like a dream actually! "Poor a'Sang! You would have been such a good little sister!", Wei Ying coos dramatically. "Suck it up, Huaisang.", Jiang Cheng grumbles, "And don't you dare cry into my robes, that's silk you fucking heathen.")
Lan Xichen is the heir to Gusu Lan. He loves his little sister dearly and would do just about everything to ensure her hapiness. Yes, even argue with the clan elders. Just a tiny bit. His aunt is completely done with his behaviour. (Not that she's any better.)
Acting Sect Leader of the Gusu Lan is Teacher Lan, the Sect Leader's younger sister. Yes, Fem!Lan Qiren. Sue me. It's mostly because the Lan seperate male and female students, and for me that means that there must also be a division between male and female teachers. So to teach Wei Ying and hate her on sight Lan Qiren has to be a woman. Sorry, not sorry.
Lan Zhan is the first daughter and second child of the Lan Clan main family line. Nothing really changes about her other than her adopting a'Yuan causing a much larger scandal (because unmarried woman suddenly has a child is much worse than unmarried man suddenly has a child, duh).
Nie Huaisang befriends the Lotus Pier girls when Wei Ying sneaks into the men's part of the Cloud Recesses one night out of curiosity and runs into him while he's being a tortured artist (read: drawing filthy porn outside by flickering candlelight because his roommates are asleep).
After the destruction of Lotus Pier Jin Guangshan offers the Jiang support - if Jiang Yanli marries into the Jin Clan, effectively making Yunmeng Jiang a part of the Jin sect. The marriage happens, but Jiang Cheng takes over as Leader of Lotus Pier to keep it independent. (Nie Huaisang volunteers to marry into her family and support her because he's turning twenty soon and he really doesn't want to be sect leader. His a'Jie vetoes it.)
Jin Guangshan marries one of his daughters to a male Qin Su, knowing full well that the boy might be his son. The newly named Jin Guangyao is in charge of wedding preparations. He is the one Madam Qin tells to stop the wedding. Obviously he doesn't.
Mo Xuanyu is still a man (very short from malnorishment and with a very feminine face, but still a man) . He apologizes for that fact quite a lot in his notes when he offers his body to the Yiling Matriarch.
The Junior Quartet consists of a Lan boy, a Lan girl who doesn't give a flying fuck about the fact that the rules say she should be on an all girls team, the heir to Lanling Jin and the heir to Baling Ouyang.
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fluesterscherben · 2 months
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Have a Yiling Matriarch.
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fluesterscherben · 3 months
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Have an OC! He was created solely because I hate that there was no one to mourn Mo Xuanyu and feel horrible about his death in canon.
So, here is a friend for Mo Xuanyu while he studies at Coi Tower.
Here is Liu Zhihan, who will be haunted by his own mistakes and a familiar face that is now worn by a stranger until he dies, knowing that he will never see his friend again, not in this life and not in any other and that he has no one left to blame but himself.
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fluesterscherben · 3 months
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Wen Xu was mostly acting on orders when he burned the Cloud Recesses. Mostly. His father had not explicitly ordered him to burn the Jingshi, burn Madam Lan's (oh how it hurts to call her that, how it hurts that no one dares speak her name - maybe out of hatred, maybe indifference, how it hurts that the only alternative he has tastes like ash on his tounge - has become unspeakable from the day his father claimed him as his son.) prison.
But here he stands, surrounded by embers and licking flames and watches it turn to ash. Burning gentians, he finds, are beautiful. He does not know if that beauty comes from the sight itself or from the feeling he attaches to it, a soul deep sigh of endless relief.
(She has moved on long ago, glad to escape the confinement of her prison, her only lingering regret leaving her children behind, but he has not. He is still that same little boy who- her death did not free him.)
Someone screams behind him, a scream of anger and desperation and more on instinct than anything else he dodges the sword lunging for his back. Qingheng-zun stumbles past him, likely overwhelmed by his sword's unexpected velocity.
He does not look like the hero the ballads portray him as, nor like the monster Wen Xu had imagined from the tales his Zhuliu-shu had told him of their youth. He is not an enemy, not some misguided hero. Just an old man past his prime who desperately clings to a feeling he has convinced himself was love.
Somehow that realisation doesn't make the bitter hatred the man who has nothing left to call himself but Wen Xu has harboured since he was a small child inside the husk he calls his heart shrivel up or grow. It just stays there where it has always been. He almost wants to laugh. Qingheng-zun is just a person. Just a man.
The sword is swung towards Wen Xu again, unskilled and weak from twenty years of unmoving sollitude. He does not even bother to block it, only makes half a step to the side.
This time he does laugh.
The dark look of pure hatred and weak stab into thin air that greet him in return are quite amusing. Qingheng-zun has no reason to hate him. No, that man his brought this onto himself the moment he walked out of the Nightless City with a bride in his arms and left a five year old behind in a snake pit to either grow scales and fangs or fall victim to an angry dragon.
"I am", he says and smiles, the smile he knows is his mother's from the reaction his father has to it, shrewd and innocent all at once, as he dodges another blow, his sword still sheathed, "no more than a filial son."
The roar that earns him is fierce. The sword swings again, this time with more force. "That dog Wen Rouhan!", Qingheng-zun screams while the blade is still in the air. This time Wen Xu does draw his sword and block.
He swings in kind, draws blood as a silver Lan sword clatters to the ground. He kicks the blade away with his foot. He needs to say it now. He needs to say it now before he never does. "I never said I was being filial to my father, Sect Leader Lan."
"Madam Wen has no grievan-"
"And Madam Wen is not my mother. I am the oldest, but I am not his heir." I was lucky, he does not say.
He makes one step forward, brings his sword to Sect Leader Lan's neck. "My mother died an other man's wife."
Those eyes widen in horrified realisation and he can't help but feel a grim sense of satisfaction at that look. He presses the blade closer into the old man's flesh, deep enough to draw blood.
"You did this to yourself."
He flicks his wrist and slits one more throat in his short bloody life. He feels no satisfaction, no remorse.
In another life this would not have happened. In another life maybe- It does not matter.
In this lifetime he stands in white stained with red, stained himself, so completely soaked in blood that all he will ever be is scarlet red. (The oly way to purge himself is death, but his own hand trembles around the hilt of his sword.)
Later that day he sees that same hatred Qingheng-zun had for him in Lan Wangji's eyes and he knows down to his guilty bones that he was right in dismissing his wishful thinking.
Let them hate him. Let them, he deserves it.
Before he dies he whispers his secret into his executioner's ear. He does not want to die with it weighing him down.
"She was my mother first."
(In an other life children walk across the Lan Sect compound off in direction of their mother's house for their monthly visit.
"Hurry!", A'Zhan calls. It seems to be his favorite word as much as a four year old can have a favorite word. "Hurry!"
"Right, gege, hurry!", A'Huan chimes in. "I want to see A'Niang."
"Alright, alright!"
Lan Xu lets them drag him along under laughter, his plain white Sect ribbon fluttering behind him like a war banner in the wind.)
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fluesterscherben · 3 months
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I love how Wen Xu in fanfic is either this super evil monster who is worse than his father or a tragic poor blorbo who deserves much better.
There is no inbetween other than inexistence and I'm here for it.
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fluesterscherben · 3 months
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I imagine that most Lans still wear traditional mourning colors (most being everyone who was born before the 70ies), but the younger generation is starting to rebel a little. Not much, mind you, they still won't dare wear anything as perpestuous as * shudder * color, but black and grey are pretty much free game.
Wangji sort of "became goth" on accident. It started with him wearing all black. Then he met a girl who mostly wore black too (this is indeed Mianmian) - she interduced him to her favorite music genre and got him pretty into it. Then she took him to Hot Topic and did his eyeliner in a public bathroom. They got reported by a concerned mother - it was the first time Lan Qiren ever had to pick Wangji up from a police station. Not the last time, not the worst time, but definitely the first.
(It was not half as mortifiying as when he looked up from the daily newspaper two years later to find that Wangji had gotten not one, but three piercings over night.)
Also: A'Yuan was a baby goth.
I'd love to believe that while Sizhui dresses pretty alt nowadays as an older teen (he even throws in some color, because he has no reason to fear the elder's wrath - they love him) Jingyi goes everywhere in a three piece black suit with a freshly ironed white dress shirt, an immaculately tied tie and a black longcoat- no matter where he goes he always looks like he's ready for a funeral.
It makes for pretty fun imagery. (Just imagine a kindly smiling young man with heavy black eyeliner, a choker, armwarmers, fingerless gloves, a fucking tartan skirt over ripped skinny jeans and combat boots chatting with a woman who expierienced a haunting at her doorstep while his immacuately dressed companion tries to brawl with the woman's five year old child.)
Lan Xichen returned from his stint on the run after the family estate burned down dressed in -while subdued and also mostly just brown but still - color. He has a pretty standard dark academia style going on (except for the bone jewlery. I refuse to believe that this man doesn't wear mouse skulls as earrings or at least necklaces out of bird bones. Huaisang made those. You cannot change my mind.) with some liberties taken. Like statement sneakers. Not only does this man wear sneakers, he wears sneakers with fun patterns and colors.
Sorry for rambling this long on a reblog. In my defence - I was invested.
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don’t take this too seriously …
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fluesterscherben · 3 months
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Yiling Patriarch Jiang Wanyin AU: "Mo Xuanyu", Huaguan and the Ghost General
A dastardly demonic cultivator, the revived skeleton of a dog and the greatest weapon known to mankind.
(A man who wishes he could have just stayed dead, a stray who only ever recieved love after death and a softspoken young man who died far too soon.
The heroes the cultivation world didn't know it needed.)
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fluesterscherben · 4 months
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Supernatural AU
Stephanie Brown has left her life as a huntress behind. She is going to graduate college soon and go to nursing school and marry her amazing boyfriend Jerry.
And then Tim Drake stands at her doorstep in the middle of the night soaked through and looking like he hasn't slept in four days and begs her to help him. Bruce is missing and no one else is worried. Tim just got a voicemail with corrupted noise in the background from an unknown number and is sure that that message is the key.
Please, Steph, just go with him for the weekend, he can't do this without backup.
You know the rest.
(Meanwhile:
Dick Grayson teaches a nine year old how to shoot a gun better and reflects on the morality of raising a child while on the run and killing things left and right. Damian Wayne questions why Grayson has to reflect on that when they could just get on with shooting lessons.
A crossroad demon questions why he has human feelings when humans are weak and stupid.
Duke Thomas wishes he had chosen different people to hitchhike with after figuring out that he has psychic powers and running away from home. Tim and Steph question why the fuck they even picked up a hitchhiker in the first place.
And Cassandra Cain tries to hide from angels that want to kill her.)
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fluesterscherben · 4 months
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Columbina and her husbands. (They aren't married, not even dating, but the boys have named themselves after two of Columbina the character's possible husbands, so... free real estate.)
Meet Pierrot (refused vehemently to be named Pedrolino, is really good at baloon animals and magic tricks but embarassed to admit it) and Quin (pronounced like "kin" not like in Harley Quinn, real name is Harvey, loves to watch Pierrot do card tricks but is hopeless at them himself).
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fluesterscherben · 4 months
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Headcanon
I headcanon Jingyi as being older than Sizhui. Why?
One, him being like nineteen makes his beef with Jin Ling even more hillarious. Like, dude, that's a fifteen year old.
Two, it makes his dynamic with Sizhui funnier too, because, again, dude, you're the adult, why is Sizhui the voice of reason here? Also Sizhui being sort of in charge of the Lan Junior Team he is on during nighthunts is now "Well, yes, Jingyi tecnically outranks him both in age and in position, but it's Jingyi." - "Point. Hey, Accountant #5, put Lan Sizhui down as sqad leader."
Three, think of the angst potential of when Jingyi could be born. If we say that Sizhui was five during the siege of the burial mounds (which is likely) then he is eighteen now in mdzs canon and was born during the second year of sunshot, putting him at two, almost three years old when Wei Wuxian found the Prison Camp at Qiongqi Path. If that is the case, than Jingyi who is in his peer group could have been born during the first year of Sunshot.
To be precise a very suspicious time after the burning of the Cloud Recesses. Any reference to Jingyi not acting like a Lan could be more than just a joke or an insult but rather a pretty thorny barb at the fact that he could very well not be a Lan by blood.
The timing of his birth wouldn't have been a problem if he was anyone else, but he is not anyone else: he is Lan Jingyi, who gets in trouble constantly and breaks the clan rules as easy as breathing. He is Lan Jingyi and for most elders it is easier to believe that he might be a Wen warbaby than that he is just that way despite being their blood.
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fluesterscherben · 4 months
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Yiling Patriarch Jiang Wanyin AU: Lan Jingyi
The Cloud Recesses' Demon Menace, Lan Clan's resident problem child. Will punch you and probably break his hand doing it. Has very high anger levels for someone his size and age. Still the un-Lanest Lan to ever Lan.
(A lonely, friendless boy who causes trouble for attention and masks his inferiority complex with anger.)
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fluesterscherben · 4 months
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Yiling Patriarch Jiang Wanyin AU: Jin Ling and Lan Sizhui (Jiang Ling and Jiang Qiumeng)
A Troublemaking Sect Heir and his long suffering Da-shixiong. Basically Mini Wei Wuxian and his handler/shijie-equivalent, who is secretly also a bit of a menace.
(Two boys who would call eachother brothers if politics weren't in the way.)
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