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lwt28brave · 3 years

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LT2 masterpost

If it was up to me, we would get an autumn or winter EP. Since it’s not up to me at all, here, enjoy this post with everything we know so far of LT2, which is to say, not much at all. Everything here is hypothetical. I’ll be updating every time I see something relevant. A little disclaimer that while this is a masterpost (kinda), it could be read as discourse (duh, it’s also a theory), AND it’s also by me, and you shouldn’t expect me to be serious at this point.

Due to me restraining myself, there’s no reference to any of the times he’s mentioned his guitar skills and him improving but I hope you know I cried every single time.

I’m also linking my old pinned here. It was written before AFHF and around the free merch thing that didn’t lead to much, but I still think I made some good points.

Possible tracks:

Copy of a Copy of a Copy

Change

Faith in the future??

369??

Possible names:

369

Faith in the future

When is the album coming out?

Your guess is as good as mine

Friday 28th of January 2022. Almost two years after Walls. It’s a Friday. It’s a 28th. What else can I say?

Here you can find @want-to-be-loved timelines for every month.

Here you can find @berlinini’s timeline of what Louis has been up to this year (2021).

The rest is under the cut. And here you can find a PDF version where Tumblr can't tell me how many pictures I can add.

2020

He said back on May 2th 2020 he wasn’t writing anything new yet.

(x)(x)(x)

Interestingly enough, he’s said many times after that that the album’s not ready cause he has no new experiences to drawn from. I won’t call him out because he does it himself.

May 4th. He liked a tweet from DMA’s Johnny Took saying they had to go write together again. Louis has been credited as an influence for them and (kind of) participated in their previous record, so I’m assuming he meant for their music and not his, but you never know.

Nothing(literally nothing??? how did we survive) until 11th of July. We all know what happened that day. We all celebrated it. Nonetheless, that’s not what I’m talking about here.

(x) So, by the beginning of July 2020 he was working on concepts and ideas for the new album. That was fifteen months ago. I know perfection takes time but…

Brief summary of important things that happened from then until the next mention of new music:

Louis left Syco!!!! 10 days later he rescheduled the tour for the first time. He followed Matt Vines on Twitter, probably so we could publicly shame him into doing something. Also, the 10thanniversary. He followed more people I wish he hadn’t.

Then more nothing until September. Not even a single tweet. The first merch drop was on the 28th of August but he just RT’ed the tweet. He first mentioned Free my Meal on the 25th of September. Then on October 1st Walls hit #1 on a lot of countries and Louis was incredibly happy and excited about it ^^

And then, that same day, October 1st, 2020, he dropped this bomb:

(x)

He also said it was too soon to be sharing new lyrics with us (x)

And, obviously, this tweet which is actually what made me start this whole post. I would hope you know mate.

(x)

He also told us he was cooking "banger after banger" and that he was incorporating more social themes into his music (x)(x) (I believe any social issue is a political issue but that’s not the point rn).

COPY OF A COPY OF A COPY?!?!

These next paragraphs are brought to you by my mind not remembering things and me not having any links. I’m assuming COACOAC came from those writing sessions that supposedly happened in October. Or in LA but I have no idea if he actually was in LA at any point other than a Daily Mail article putting him there on December which would have been too late, but I do remember that someone said he was in the studio in LA last autumn???? A rumor. Maybe. IDK. Did I mention already all of this is very hypothetical?? Well, this is it. I can’t even remember if this was October or November or what. So, take this with a grain of salt.

I’m also… taking the liberty to assume, if you must, that Copy wasn’t meant to be a Walls reject because it sounds more mature and darker and it has a vastly different tone that Walls songs. I know he’s said that song probably isn’t getting into the album, but I want to have faith (in the future) that I’m getting a studio version. (But also, Louis, if you’re reading this, first of all GET OUT OF MY BLOG second of all, please don’t ever feel pressured again to add a song to the album because we have already heard it before. It’s your art and it should always be under your own terms).

So yeah, I believe that Copy is either one of those four songs (then imagine the other three??!!) or was written around the 1st of October date.

---End of the Intermission---

Then not much important (other than sharing more about Marcus Rashford fight against food poverty and the 2nd merch drop) until he announced the livestream on the 24th of November. (x)

It wasn’t until a few days before the livestream date we even thought again about new music (jk, I know we’re always thinking about new Louis’ music). So, December 9th/10th, 2020. Nine months ago. We got our first taste of new music!

He made sure we knew Copy of a Copy of a Copy isn't a cover! (x) (x)

(x)

Ok, so that’s it for 2020. (I feel like I’m missing something from September 17th because tweet was deleted but maybe he was still talking about cucumbers. We might never know. Unless I understand how Tumblr tags work). Expected, cause Walls was released in 2020. We needed to let it sit for a while.

2021

Another Summary: Louis third tweet of the year was telling the UK government off. So was the fifth. What a good beginning. On the 26th of January, he said he prefers pancakes over waffles. I hope he meant pancakes other than his own. More importantly, he tweeted the infamous “you lot read into things too much”. Don’t get me started, Tomlinson. Don’t. Then the 31st came around and Walls was one. He tweeted this. How wise. And Project Defenceless happened!!

15th of February!! Who cares about Valentine Day when the next day we got this? ♥

(x)

So…AN EP?? AN EP?? PLEASE RELEASE AN EP.

“I’m sure I will have something out this year but unlikely that will be the album”. Unlikely but not impossible. Also. A single would be good. This is the second time he mentions releasing something in 2021 and he sounds surer about it than the first time around.

He also said that he isn’t sure we will get a studio version of Copy. And that the best bridges from Walls to LT2 are Walls, OTB, KMM and Copy. Can’t wait!

Then we jump to March 6th when he announced he was going to create his own management company. “Sometimes action is needed first to encourage the motivation and belief”. As we can tell he was already manifesting some stuff which will lead us to the numerology stuff/Tesla… kidding. Or not. We might never know.

On the 22nd of March he answered some questions:

He told us music was still his main focus ♥ mwha. (x) I included this tweet to guilt-trip him into giving us music in case he’s reading this even after I told him to leave. ILY.

(x) I’d love to get a visual EP this autumn. Just saying. It sounds like a lovely concept.

(x)

…next (I will get into it, I promise. I’m just mad).

On the 25th he left for Mexico until April 10th. You could assume it was just for the documentary where we got ten seconds of footage or admit the obvious: LT2 its a Mexican baby!!

On the 26th (so, not so far apart from that first 369) we got the first Faith in the Future mention: (x)

Back then we were innocent people who had no idea what was coming upon us. We still have no idea because what the fuck does he mean with these. Please explain. I have one braincell and I don’t use it enough for this. I’m linking some theories.

On the 30th of March he confirmed he was already working on the documentary. So AFHF was already on the works. Will it take this long for us to get the Veeps numbers? We also got this tweet: "Got a decent chorus idea down" (x).

Same person that got the “something out this year” exclusive. If you know something share with the class. Also. Is this Change? I feel like this could be Change but I also assume he wrote Change after hanging out with his friends or being in Doncaster. But who knows.

(x) And the second mention to 369.

(x) 15th of April. The second "Faith in the future".

On the 19th of April he announced that he had something BIG for us later on the year which turned out to be the Away From Home Festival ♥♥ (x) I love him so much.

Then on the 28th he announced the 369 merch drop (which it’s probably the Walls drop? Except that the TOU and KMM ones were “drop 1 and drop 2” and this was drop 369 which, again, makes no sense) but we still don’t know what 369 means.

Into May’ 21 we go.

He rescheduled tour again. And dropped another bomb (x).

He announced he has signed with BMG as an independent artist by RTing this tweet on May 10th. The article also says that he’s already working on writing and recording LT2. The timing… we don’t know. What this deal involves… we don’t know either. Bear with me here because I have a lot to say about this.

I think the deal is only a distribution one, but that BMG are interested in Louis and what he (us) could bring to the table. They were either present at the festival or watching it, but officially they had no involvement at all with it (everything is credited either to Louis own company, 78 Productions, or Charlie Lightening’s company). That’s the case for both giveaways too; the vinyl one and the tickets for the festival.

I think it would be an unbelievably bad move not to test the waters with BMG now or soon-ish. At least a single, to see how it performs. Due to the circumstances, it’s obvious there’re certain limitations on place but I want to see how they push it, whether the radio play exist this time around and if the song is playlisted and promoted and all that… I would also love to know, since it says he signed with BMG UK, but it also states it’s a global deal, how things are going to go on the US and other countries.

Yes, yes. I know those are all questions and no answers. But I know the same as you, sadly. If any of you know more than you’re letting on… again, share with the class.

Where was I? Yes, on the 25th of May Louis had a great day writing (x). Since the first time he had mentioned he was officially writing to this date there’s almost eight months. And I believe he was writing before October’ 20.

He followed Robert Harvey that day and, on the 28th of May (why is it always the 28th???) he was spotted at the studio for the first time.

June was an interesting month for the fandom ♥. Lots of LHL content which I will love and cherish for the rest of times. On June 4th, June 9th, and June 10th he was spotted at the studio, but I believe he was there more days.

(x)

This was posted on June 6th and captioned Studio. Charlie also shared it with “Mega tunes being put down, can’t wait for this @louist91 #louistomlinson #LT2” as the caption. This gives me 2019 (Elton-Joint) vibes. I like it. Feels like we’re getting closer to something.

He added the Milano date on the 9th too which I’m mentioning because I’m going alone. Anyone wanna go with me please? I’m nice and I never eat anything before a concert so you can have my food. On other news. It didn’t come home.

During July he was at the studio at least three days too. Probably more. Feels like more with all the fan pictures we got. Or was that June? Anyway, July 1st and 9th we got some videos from Robert Harvey and wearesuperhi, which is who Louis has been working with the most, that we know of. I don’t know for sure they’re from that day. And on July 5th we got an article and lots of pictures of Louis looking really good outside the studio.

On the 12th of July the first fans started getting the free, 369 bucket hat and print. We still don’t know what the purpose was other than to thanks fans. Maybe that was it. I want answers and I still think it relates to a future project (see theories above), but it could also just be a bridge with the Walls breaking.

He didn’t tweet about anything interesting for a while, mostly because he lost his phone (he either throwed it in the air or smashed it who knows). Then on the 29th of July he announced the festival!

I’m glossing over it because there’s already been a lot of talk about it (rightfully) and while it was a wonderful thing, it doesn’t have much to do with LT2.

Let’s talk Change!

On August 3rd he tweeted this about the setlist.

(x)

And this (x) on the 28th! I can’t stand him.

We didn’t get it, obviously. Because who was going to get that. But we read too much into things. Alright.

On the 16thof August Dave Gibson shared this post tagged #LT2 with the eyes emojis 👀👀👀. I believe this has to do both with Change but also with whatever else came out of that Mexico trip.

(x) Last relevant tweet related to LT2 is this one.

So, on the 30th of August we got Change and we cried, and we know that Change is going in the new album. He said it. With those exact words. He also said he was “getting a feeling for it”. This has to meant he already has a general idea of the vibe of the new album and what’s going in it!!!!!! (Right? RIGHT?).

Anyway, let’s go back a few weeks because some other things happened on August. He was at the studio a few more times. Or it was suggested that he was there. On the 17th and the 18th. (Why was it so time-pressing to be at the studio instead of rehearsing for the festival? There was no studio at all on the documentary. Which makes sense, but again, then why?).

On the day of the festival we got another mention of Faith in The Future that made me feel part of a cult ngl. The words were flashing on the screen for less than a second. Okay.

And then he tweeted those words again after watching the livestream/documentary on the 4th of September (x). This is what makes me suspect it's either the name of the album or of the single.

On the same day, we got some interesting quotes about LT2 on the documentary.

“Soon I’ll have to think about me second album, which in my head I’ll get the tour out of the way and then I’ll address that. So, I hadn’t really given it much thought, to be honest”.

“When every day is the same is hard to feel creative and it’s hard to have any kind of proper inspiration”.

“As season started to come back, I started writing again and it was great and some of these songs turned out alright”.

And I think this is it. I might be overlooking some important details but that’s what we know and what we don’t know.

So. Conclusions. That’s what you missed on Glee. I do believe the album is, if not mostly done, partially there. And yes, this post is pointless and never-ending but it’s all in here if you need to tell Louis “Hey, you said this, mate”.

#LT2 #Louis Tomlinson #Faith in The future #369 #Louis #LT #new music #idk what this is #but it's long #pinned

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illfoandillfie · 4 years

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Anyone who has been following me for a while has probably seen me talk about a project I’ve been hoping to get started - creating a Queen themed tarot deck. Well, good news, I’ve finished basic planning stuff and I’m ready to start actually making the cards!

BUT I am definitely not up to creating 78 individual artworks, so that’s where this post comes in.

I’m looking for artists who would like to create a piece or two which will be used in this tarot deck. I’ve organised general ideas of what each card will feature so that we get a good range of images and theres a connection to the meanings of each card.

For the moment I’m going to focus on the Major Arcana of which there are 22. So, if you are an artist in the Queen fandom and would be interested in participating please follow the link below to a short survey I’ve created where you’ll be asked to rank the cards in order of which you’d be most interested in creating art for.

LINK

Below the cut I have included the list of cards and the prompts for each one, as well as some other info about the project. If you have any questions that weren’t covered below please send me a message (via ask box or dm)!

If you see this and aren’t artistically inclined please give it a reblog. I’d love this post to reach as many artists as possible and I can’t rely on tumblr to show it in the tags or anything so I would love some extra help spreading the world.

Why A Tarot Deck?

I’m honestly not even sure where exactly this idea came from. All I remember is that one day I thought it would be a fun idea and then I started thinking about it more and realised just how much work it would be. In an effort to learn about the meanings of the tarot cards I started learning to read tarot (something I’ve been curious about for many years now anyway) and it all sort of snowballed from there.

Why Multiple Artists?

Because I’m not confident or capable enough of pulling this off on my own lmao. I enjoy making art but I struggle big time with drawing people and faces and I know I would give up after a handful of cards if I was doing this on my own. But multi-artist decks are very much a thing in the tarot community and theres some really cool ones out there.

What Sort of Art?

Anything. Whatever medium you enjoy using - digital, watercolour, acrylics, charcoal, etc - and whatever your style is! As long as you can send me a clean copy that can fit into the card template, then you can do what you like. The prompts I’ve chosen for each card are also fairly loose because I didn’t want to limit anyone’s creativity. Part of the joy of a collaborative deck is everyone’s individual interpretations of the cards and the imagery on them.

The only times I may say you can’t depict a particular outfit or moment is if I’ve already planned it to be on one of the minor arcana cards but otherwise you’ll have free reign.

I Don’t Know Anything About Tarot, Does That Matter?

NOPE! After the survey responses have been collected I will deal out the cards to everyone (hopefully in a way where everyone gets to work on something they really want to 🤞) and part of that will include a PDF with some information about the card - keywords associated with it, examples of other decks, why that prompt was chosen for it, etc - to help you get started if you need it. I am also always available to ask questions or bounce ideas off of.

Distribution?

This is the part I’m still looking into. I am wary of putting these up for sale anywhere because obviously there are copyright things and using people’s likenesses and all of that and the last thing I want is for my favourite band to take me to court lmao. Currently I am investigating a site called Make Playing Cards which basically lets you design your own card decks (one of the specific options being tarot cards) and print them off without having to bulk order anything. I’m just not entirely sure if they let you upload and share a design for free or if you have to put them up for sale. I’ll also create a PDF version that people can print themselves at home if they like. If anyone has any other suggestions for this I am all ears!

Of course something like Kickstarter is also an option I guess but, again, I’m still looking into all of this.

Time frame?

I definitely do not want to rush this. The loose timeline I’ve been working off of gives you three or four months to create your card after which time I can start finding people for the minor arcana cards. But, this can be adjusted depending on how many people sign up and y’know if everyone submits their pieces earlier than that then we can bump the next stage up. But I want to give everyone ample time to create something they are proud of. And I am very aware that the current global situation is affecting people’s creative energies and on top of that some of you may be participating in Inktober or similar things around this time of year, so I am also happy to extend the timeline.

What Happens If Not Enough People Sign Up?

Look, I guess it depends on how few artists are interested. Ideally I’d get enough people to do the major arcana but I’m not getting my hopes up. There is a question in the survey asking if you’d be willing to create multiple pieces so if there are left over cards I can hand them out to anyone who says they want them. I can also do a couple myself I just can’t do all 78 cards on my own.

What Happens If Too Many People Sign Up?

I am surprisingly prepared for this scenario. Firstly there were a few ideas I was throwing around that didn’t end up being used in the final list so potentially we can create some alternate cards.

Secondly, there is still the minor arcana to do as well. The minors will work a bit differently though. The minor arcana is similar to a deck of playing cards with four suits (wands, cups, pentacles, swords) and the numbers ace through ten plus four court cards (king, queen, knight, page). I was thinking the same artist could pick a number or court position and create the four cards for it so that they all match, if that makes sense. That way all of the Fours will look the similar and all of the kings will look similar etc. SO if anyone doesn’t get to do a major arcana I’ll check if they’d be interested in tacking a minor instead.

You Said There Would Be A List Where’s The List?

The Fool/s - Smile

The Magician/s - Queen

The High Priestess - Freddie in The Great Pretender

The Empress - Roger in The Great Pretender

The Emperor - Miami

The Hierophant - The Prophets Song

The Lovers - Freddie and Jim

The Chariot - Tour Bus

Justice - Present Day Bri

The Hermit - Older John

Wheel of Fortune - A Night At The Opera/Bohemian Rhapsody record

Strength - Ben Hardy

The Hanged Man - Highlander (or any of the queen songs featured in it)

Death - Bri in the Hard Life video

Temperance - Naked bicycle race

The Devil - Death on Two Legs

The Tower - Frank from News of the World

The Star - Rami Malek

The Moon - Gwilym Lee

The Sun - Joe Mazzello

Judgement - Adam Lambert/Q+AL?

The World - Made In Heaven/Tribute Concert

As you can see there’s a mix of Queen themselves, other people associated with them, objects associated with the band, and songs. I know some of these are sightly out there or unusual but please have a think about them and see if any spark your interest or get the creative juices flowing. I am also open to discussing potential other images to use instead if you’ve got an idea. As long as they can be tied to the meaning of the cards.

#queen #queen band #queen art #freddie mercury #freddie mercury art #brian may #brian may art #roger taylor #roger taylor art #john deacon #john deacon art #please god don't let this flop #also please ignore the rushed graphic #i just thought more people would stop and look if there was an image lmao

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utilitycaster · 3 years

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yeah one plan I really wanna work on is an archive of tumblr metas for crit role campaign 3, to keep all the debunked theories remembered!

My only fear is whether it can be publicly accessible :(

Not sure about public screenshots of other peoples content (with links to the original post) without their consent, but an archive of just links is so much drier to click through.

How would you do it?

Hi anon,

You seem like a nice person, from this ask, who does not deserve the tirade I am about to unleash below so my answers in short are:

1. I think a fandom theory on a social media is a thing that most people will recognize might get cross posted so I would just summarize and link, were I to take on this project, which I will not be doing.

2. No idea how I'd make it publicly accessible; I'd probably either make a website, or a Google doc under an anonymous email address, neither of which are ideal, but no better options come to mind.

Anyway welcome to the consequences of entering my inbox. While writing this I enjoyed myself a lot but I was also like 'tbh this is probably why I don't get as many anons any more; it is because I am Gotdamn Annoying.'

So this was like, maybe 75% a shitpost, not in that I don’t genuinely believe it would be useful, but in that a comprehensive list is nearly impossible to do. Even if you limited yourself to Tumblr (ie, no Twitter or Reddit or god knows what else), you would necessarily be limiting yourself also to things that were tagged and/or got a decent amount of traction within the fandom as a whole.

I think there are a number of problems though. The first one is that while some theories can be debunked immediately upon their arrival into the primordial soup that is fandom, some may always remain technically possible, just vanishingly improbable, including some of my least favorites (cough secret dragons cough) because you cannot logically prove a negative unless you just outright ask the creators. And still others may be debunked - or proven - only after a very long time (eg: The Traveler is Artagan) and personally I want to only use this for debunked theories, so you'd necessarily need to keep a separate list of theories that are neither proven nor debunked, otherwise you just become a rehash of the, well, hash, that is the Wild Mass Guessing page on TVTropes rather than what I was specifically envisioning, namely, "this is a list of theories that were proven to be wrong, and here is why."

The second problem, which you may have guessed from my previous line, is that I come to bury these theories, not praise them*. I think some theories are good but ultimately incorrect and it's worth having them on display! I also think a lot of theories are bad, and that a good deal of theories aren't even really theories. You used the word meta, which I actually think of more as analysis than theories although the line between those two things is blurrier than most. But also, a lot of things people call theories or meta are, well, Wild Mass Guessing, headcanons/personal opinions, wishful thinking that has a tenuous relation to canon at best, and/or pure unadulterated nonsense. And I would include some of that, but not all, even though I often use the word 'theory' in a similarly loose way to kind of refer to anything that people are saying might be true in the story even if I think it's the ravings of a madman, even though my 'proper' definition of a theory would be an explanation that both answers an existing question and is supported by the existing text.

My point here is that I think some theories are best forgotten and my motivation is more accentuating the positive, pointing and laughing really hard at the negative, and ignoring a lot of the neutral headcanon-type stuff on the grounds that a neutral headcanon is your own private business and I respect that.

The third problem is curation. I have run into a similar issue with kind of shitpost projects that I did sort of take on and now languish and glare at me from the back of my mind when I am doing nothing on a weekend (specifically my attempt to make a personally useable Exandria timeline). Wiki-style editing has its benefits, but also significant drawbacks, because the same people who make pure unadulterated nonsense theories have the same editing power as people who are excellent at literary analysis, if not more. In an ideal world I would recommend putting something like this on the wiki, and there might even be a page now intended to serve a purpose akin to the WMG page on TVTropes (I did not bother to check), but in practice the CR wiki is currently under the thumb of someone who I will sum up briefly in Figure 1:

Fig 1: A Venn diagram.

Anyway, the fact is, the TVTropes WMG page has had things like "when the Mighty Nein fight Trent, Veth will get the HDYWTDT" even though that's not a theory and in fact by the nature of D&D is impossible to predict by any means. That's just a thing that would be kind of cool to happen. I worry that any true wiki format would fall to a similar fate. It would not actually be a list of debunked theories, telling the story both of interesting and genuinely good ideas from fandom that ultimately just did not turn out to be true, as well as some real clownshoes bullshit, but rather a bathroom wall on which to scrawl vague ideas.

So I think the only way to feasibly do this is to just spend time in the fandom and collect theories, like an anthropologist, and accept that you're going to miss some, and maybe have a Google Form for submission thereof that requires things like a post with a certain threshold of notes such that you can easily collect theories from others but are under no obligation to include every one. Even then this will be subject to personal bias, and while I personally love having executive control of things I also recognize the flaws of such a system. I would definitely include some kind of disclaimer along the lines of "This has opinions in it about theories; while the debunking is objective, whether or not it was a good theory prior to being debunked has some subjectivity involved."

*I know in the context of this line actually the speaker was in fact coming to praise the thing he said he was just going to bury; RIP to Marc Antony but I’m different.

#Anonymous #i have literally no idea how to tag this #other than #long post

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fandomsmeantheworldtome · 4 years

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Tagged by the amazing @itisa-profoundbond-sarandom to

pick 10 ships without reading the questions.

I have more than 10 ships to list lol 😂 but i will pick some of my all time favorites and i will add some new

1. Aziraphale/ Crowley (Good Omens)

2. Edward Nygma / Oswald Cobblepot ( Gotham)

3. Dean Winchester / Castiel ( Supernatural)

4. Villanelle/ Eve ( Killing Eve)

5. Merlin / Arthur ( BBC Merlin)

6. Will Graham / Hannibal Lecter ( Hannibal tv series)

7. Barry Allen / Iris West ( The Flash)

8. Ray Palmer / Nora Darhk ( Legends of Tomorrow)

9. Ava Sharpe / Sara Lance ( Legends of Tomorrow )

10. Yennefer / Geralt ( The Witcher )

1. Do you remember the episode/scene/chapter that you first started shipping 6?

I don't remember exactly from which episode but there was a scene where Hannibal got really close to Will and started to smell him 😄 this was really intense

2. Have you ever read a FanFiction about 2?

More than 100 i think 😂 is one of these ships i have read the most fanfics

3. Has a picture of 4 ever been your screen saver/profile picture/tumblr?

Yes and i have a sideblog about Killing Eve @lovemesomevillanelle too many fandoms to have them all in one blog 😄

4. If 7 were to suddenly break-up today, what would your reaction be?

You hit a sensitive spot here , i consider myself new to the Flash fandom its only a few months since i discovered this show but i noticed that there are a lot haters of this ship and some fans even made recist comments about Iris and the actress who plays her, i would be devastated if these two break up because they are perfect for each other and i will forever support their relationship @sweetbarryallen is my flash sideblog

5. Why is 1 so important?

Its been a year since Good Omens series came in our lifes well the book is much older but the series had such a huge success, i still can't get over these two lovable idiots who love each other since the beginning of time this ship gives me hope and warms my heart with all kinds of feelings

6. Is 9 a funny ship or a serious ship?

Both? these two amazing women are made for each other and i totally enjoy their serious and funny moments the same amount

7. Out of all of the ships listed, which ship has the most chemistry?

I guess the success of a ship and the reason a duo or a couple is shipped from the fans has to do with the chemistry the actors bring to the screen but there were a lot of cases where fanfiction writers created such a great stories for the readers to make them ship even characters who had limited interaction on the screen and that's the power of imagination, to me all the ships have chemistry

8. Out of all of your ships listed, which ship has the strongest bond?

I would say Ineffable husbands because the know each other since forever , who can beat that ?😂

9. How many times have you read/watched 8’s fandom?

DC's Legends of Tomorrow is a new show for me i managed to watch all Seasons till 4th as i write this in almost a month , before i reached S3 where Nora makes her appearance i had seen/ read some spoilers that she and Ray would end up together, Ray Palmer is my most favourite character from lot and when i found out about this ship i was so happy because he deserves all the love and so does Nora Darhk. Nora is such a great written character her development to the show is one of the best. You can guess my reaction when i also found out that the actors who play these characters are married in real life , this ship is everything and to answer this question i have searched about this ship too many times to count but i wish there were more fan videos of DarhkAtom on the internet

10. Which ship has lasted the longest?

I think Aziraphale and Crowley because of the years since the book published and there were fans of this ship even then, second ship who lasted longest is Destiel because of the years Supernatural has on screen

11. How many times, if ever, has 2 broken up?

If you are a Gotham and nygmobblepot fan then you know all about this ship's love and hate relationship , these two crazy idiots almost kill each other but they can't live without each other

12. If the world was suddenly thrust into a zombie apocalypse, which ship would make it out alive, 2 or 8?

Both? i think Ray Palmer with his atom suit abilities and Nora with her magic have more chances to make out alive though i wouldn't underestimate Ed's and Os's surviving skills in times of danger, they are both so clever and cunning that i am more concerned about zombies well being than the two of them 😂

13. Did 5 ever have to hide their relationship for any reason?

Merlin and Arthur never become canon but to the fans Merlin and Arthur have feelings for each other , they hide their feelings since they know each other i wish this ship was canon on screen

14. Is 4 still together?

Killing Eve season 3 delivered this year the best finale in my opinion of all seasons , Villanelle and Eve have feelings for each other that's canon now and i hope in S4 they will live and work together as a couple

15. Is 3 canon?

Not for the writers still not canon but the fans with me included we hope before the show ends completely the writers stop this torment and give us what Destiel fans are praying for years , our ship to become canon

16. If all 10 ships were put into a couple’s Hunger Games, which couple would win?

This is hard, i don't know i guess all have their chances to win " may the odds be ever in your favor" lol

17. Has anybody ever tried to sabotage 10’s ship?

Jaskier ? Lol 😂😂😂 truth is that Yennefer is my favourite character from the show the Witcher but Jaskier is also my favourite and i may ship Yennefer with Geralt but since i got to this fandom is hard not to notice the chemistry between Geralt and Jaskier 😄 love both ships the same

18. Which ship would you defend to the death and beyond?

All i can't pick one

19. Do you spend hours a day going through 1’s tumblr page?

YES 😂

20. If an evil witch descended from the sky and told you that you had to pick one of the ten ships to break up forever or else she´d break them all forever, which ship would you sink?

Ahhh this is so hard i can't choose sorry

Tagging some lovely people @penguinsheart , @mishandjen-tellmehow , @vicarious-rebel , @its-all-ineffable , @ramblingsofachristiannerd , @littlehollyleaf , @jawnlockwinchester , @thisplacehaseverything , @littleangel4996 @your-mad-tea-party-blog @itotallygazeatscully, @belle82devart @skatle-skootle-demon-noodle @lesbian-and-useless @quakerlasss, @whitecrawace and everyone who see this post and wants to do this

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procrastynol · 3 years

Text

I wasn’t tagged, but I’ll take the invitation from @theghostcaptain and just hop on the train to answer some questions about my writing. So, I guess thanks are in order? 😉❤️

AO3: @Procrastynol

Fandoms

Currently I’m trapped in the MDZS hell (focusing on songxiao, but pretty much everything else is also go, wangxian, 3zun, anything) with a side of SVSSS and FF7 (mainly tsengru and/or turks centric). I’m still working my way through the huge load of danmei, so maybe things like TGCF, 2HA or SPL will soon join the list.

Other things I can’t seem to let go of include FF15, Mass Effect, Dragon Age and a hint of Marvel and Star Wars. If you want to go really far back, you can add LotR and Hobbit to the pile.

Where You Post

You can find all of my fics on AO3 @Procrastynol

I rarely use tumblr anymore, mostly for keeping all the links to my fics organised in one place - and to read meta that will shred my poor heart. My main social media is Twitter, so if you want to yell at me, please go over there and feel free to do so.

Most Popular Multichap

None (so far). But I have something brewing for my songxiao gang, so I’ll just be a little tease and tell you to stay tuned for more until Summer 2021. 😉

Favourite Story You’ve Written So Far

Untethered (MDZS, songxiao, character study xxc)

That is my November/December/Christmas-procrastination baby, which started out as a midnight word vomit I wrote in a desperate attempt to find sleep. It only grew from there, and it has become my first deep dive into the character of Xiao Xingchen and the canon setting of MDZS. To this day, it just blows me away how well this story is received despite its length and the rather limited songxiao bubble. I’m really proud of what I did here, and it has been a while since I could say that about anything I have written.

Fic You Were Nervous to Post

Frostbloom Flowers (MDZS, modern songxiao, flowershop AU)

This was my absolute first fic for the fandom, and my second fic in total after the unexpected “success” of Conflict of Interest. I was so scared to get the characters or the setting wrong, even more so since this was a prompt fill for the songxiao Secret Santa event. It has done surprisingly well, so well actually, that I have turned this into a series that I will continue this February.

How You Choose Your Titles

They either come to me or the don’t. Really, there is almost nothing in between. Sometimes a poem, a line, a lyric, an image, SOMETHING sparks my imagination and the title is the first thing I have.

If it is the other way around, the idea usually revolves around a certain dialogue, scene, setting, etc. that I want to explore and I really struggle finding a title for it once the fic is finished. There are rare instances where a title comes to me simply while working on a fic, but mostly it’s hit or miss. If it is the latter, I usually sit in my room and decide to name stories after the first thing my eyes land on 5 minutes before posting them. 😅

Do You Outline

90% of times I do. Especially larger works or multichaps need an outline. I sometimes try to write non-chronologically, and I have a really hard time doing it, so the outline becomes my LIFELINE. It allows me to skip over parts I find hard and just put the famous [get there] in certain spaces, knowing I can come back later to flesh them out because the outline guides through this process.

For oneshots, I sometimes freestyle, but even then I usually write down a few lines for the scenes/dialogues I really want to include and put them in the corresponding order, so I have a goal to work towards to and don’t start meandering around.

I hate doing them, though, even though I largely depend on outlines.

Complete

All of my fics are complete at the moment, but I have two on-going series that I’m feeding with new entries in irregular intervals.

In Progress

I have some WIPS, but none of them are in the process of being published right now. But there are a few things I’m working on, so follow me to the next paragraph if you want more details on that. 😁

Coming Soon / Not Yet Started

Curiosity killed the Cat [WT] - which is a MDZS multichapter fic I have started working on last December. I really wanted to try writing a case fic for once, something more than just drama and romance (although drama and romance will still be very much part of this). Plotting a murder mystery is really new to me and sometimes exhausting, but so far I’m having a lot of fun doing it. I don’t want to spoil the details, but it will definitely focus on pre-canon songxiao and a mysterious haunting/murder they encounter during their travels.

Another thing would be the continuation of the Egret Flower series. Currently I’m finalising the second part, writing on part three and four has already begun. Part two will feature songxiao going on the date that has been teased in the first part, Frostbloom Flowers, and part three is currently giving me a hard time because I decided to include some wangxian - we’ll see how it goes.

I’m also trying to feed the Shinra fandom a bit, since it got me back into writing literally days before I got swept away by MDZS and danmei hell. But tsengru still holds a place in my heart, has done so for years, and so Conflict of Interest has now also been turned into a series, It’s me or the Dog, and the second part for this series is also outlined already and just waiting for me to flesh it out.

Upcoming Work You’re Most Excited About

Curiosity killed the Cat [WT], definitely. I have only ever finished one other multichap in my life, and I plan to complete this one before I start posting it, to feed my lovely songxiaoists in regular intervals (and to make sure this entire case fic works and does not go up in smoke halfway down). But since this involves so many new things for me at the same time, I’m equally excited and anxious to finish it and start posting it.

Tagging

Since I’m pretty much inactive on this platform I find it a bit hard to tag someone. I think @wangji-string might have something to offer, at least if they haven’t participated already (although if you don’t feel like doing this, please feel free to ignore me). I’ll just leave it open to the rest of you whoever read this and may find it interesting - if you want to do this, please, feel free to do it! 😉

#my writing #procrastynol speaks

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creativitycache · 4 years

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ngl asking for people who self-identify as "antis" is already biasing your results because the term originated from fans being defensive over getting called out (eg the types who sincerely think fandom culture is ""puritan""). fair number of people started to use the term ironically and it might be evening out but overall the post calling for responses on the survey still comes off as something written in bad faith?

I wrote a rather long and involved response and then tumblr ate it. Goshdarn.

Fair warning, this is a hyperfixation and I’m coming off of a migraine so this may not be very cogent. Please read this in the over excited tones of someone infodumping about emulsifiers, with no animosity intended.

So, tl;dr and with a lot fewer links, I’m incredibly interested by your perspective that “anti” originated as a derogatory term.

As far as I am aware, the etymological history of the word “anti” being used pejoratively is coming from some very new debates.

I’m also noting that you had no feedback regarding the content of the questions themselves, which I would be interested in hearing as I am genuinely coming from a place without censure.

The term “anti” actually is a self-descriptor that arose in the Livejournal days, where you’d tag something as “Anti ___” for other like minded people to find. (For example, my cursory google search pulled up 10 Anti Amy Lee communities on LJ).

I’m a self-confessed old. I was back in fandom before Livejournal, aaaall the way back in the Angelfire days. Webrings children! We had webrings! And guest books for you to sign!

I’m going to take a swing for the fences here Anon, so if I’m wrong please let me know, but I’m going to guess you became active as a fan in the past 5-8 years based of your use of the term puritan.

There’s actually a HUGELY new debate in fandom spaces! Previously, it was assumed that:

a) All fandom spaces are created and used by adults only.

b) If you were seeing something, it’s because you dug for it.

These assumptions were predicated upon what spaces fandoms grew in. First you had Star Trek TOS fandom, which grew in 1970s housewives kitchens. They were all friends irl, and everyone was an adult, and you actively had to reach out to other adults to talk about things. (By the way- a woman lost custody of her children in the divorce when her ex husband brought up to the judge she kept a Kirk/Spock zine under her bed. The judge ruled this as obvious signs of moral deficiency. That was in the 80s! Everyone is still alive and the parents are younger than my coworkers!)

Time: 1967-1980s. Is Anti a term? No. Who is the term used by? N/A Is fandom space considered Puritanical? No.

Then, when the internet came about, it was almost exclusively used by adults until The Eternal September. 1993 was the year that changed the internet for good, but even years after that the internet was a majority adult space. Most kids and teens didn’t have unlimited access if their parents even had a home computer in the 90s.

This is the rise of Angelfire, which were fansites all connected to each other in “rings”. You had to hunt for content. If you found something you didn’t like, well, you clicked out and went on with your day because you’d never see it again unless you really dug. This was truly the wild west, tagging did not exist and you could go from fluff to vore in the blink of an eye with nothing warning you before hand. All fannish spaces were marked “here be dragons” and attempts were made to at least adopt the “R/NC-17″ ratings on works to some limited success, depending on webmaster.

Time: 1990-1999. Is Anti a term? No. Who is the term used by? N/A Is fandom space considered Puritanical? No.

In 1999 LiveJournal arose like a leviathan, and here is where the term Anti emerges as a self descriptor. Larger communities began to form, and with them, divisions. Now, you could reach so many fans you could reach a critical mass of them for enough of them to dislike a ship. The phrase “Anti” became a self-used tag, as people tagged their works, communities, and blogs with “anti” (NB: this is at far, far smaller rates than today). Anti was first and foremost a tagging tool used and created by the people who were vehemently against something.

You could find content more easily than in the past, but you still had to put some serious elbow grease into it.

In 2007, Livejournal bans users for art "depicting minors in explicit sexual situations”. The Livejournal community explodes in anger- towards Livejournal staff. The account holders/fans view this as corporate puritanical meddling. The outrage continues as it is revealed these bans were part of a pre-sale operation to SUP Services. SUP Services, upon taking over Livejournal in 2008, proceeds to filter the topics “bisexuality, depression, faeries, girls, boys, and fanfiction”.

The Great LiveJournal Migration begins, as fans leave the site in droves.

Time: 1999-2009. Is Anti a term? Yes. Who is the term used by? People self describing, seeking to create communities based off a dislike of something. Is fandom space considered Puritanical? No.

Where do fans go? Well, in the last decade, they migrated to Tumblr and Twitter (sorry Pillowfort- you gave it a good try!)

What’s different about all of these sites? Individuals are able to create and access content streams. These are hugely impactful in how communities are formed! Because now:

a) finding content is easier

b) finding content you dislike by accident is easier

c) content you dislike requires active curation to avoid

d) truly anonymous outreach is possible and easy (for example, you anon! Isn’t it much easier to go on anon to bring up awkward or sensitive topics? I’m happy you did by the way, and that’s why I keep my anons open. It’s an important contextual tool in the online communications world!)

Now the term Anti gets sprightly. Previously, if you didn’t like content, there was nothing you could really do about it. For example, I, at the tender age of way-too-young, opened up a page of my favorite Star Trek Deep Space 9 fansite and pixel by pixel with all the loading speed of a stoned turtle a very anatomically incorrect orgy appeared.

I backed out.

1. Who could I contact? There was no “message me here” button, no way to summon any mods on Angelfire sites.

2. If I did manage to find a contact button, I would have had to admit I went onto a site that wasn’t designed to keep me safe. I knew this was a site for adults, I knew there wasn’t a way to stop it from showing something. There was no such thing as tags. I knew all of this before going in. So the assumption was, it was on me for looking. (Some may have argued it was on my parents for not supervising me- all I can say is thank GOD no one else was in the living room and my mom was around the corner in the kitchen.)

But now? On Tumblr? On Twitter? In a decade in which tagging is so easy and ubiquitous it’s expected?

Now people who describe themselves as antis start to have actual tools and social conventions to utilize.

Which leads to immediate backlash! Content creators are confused and upset- fandom spaces have been the wild west for decades, and there’s still no sherriff in town. So the immediate go-to argument is that these people who are messaging them are “puritans”.

And that’s actually an interesting argument! A huge factor in shaping the internet’s social mores in the latest decades is cleanliness for stockbrokers. Websites can become toxic to investors and to sales if they contain sexual content. Over time, corporations perfected a mechanism for “cleaning” a site for sale.

Please note there is no personal opinion or judgement in this next list, it is simply a description of corporate strategies you can read during the minute meetings of shareholders for Tumblr, Twitter, Paypal, Venmo, Facebook, Myspace, Yahoo Answers, and Livejournal.

1. Remove sex workers. Ban any sex work of any kind, deplatform, keep any money you may have been holding.

2. Remove pedophilia. This is where the jump begins between content depicting real people vs content depicting fictional characters begins.

3. Remove all sexual image content, including artwork of fictional characters.

4. Remove all sexual content, including written works. If needed, loop back to step 2 as a justification, and claim you do not have the moderators to prevent written works depicting children.

I would like to reiterate these are actual gameplans, so much so that they’ve made their way into business textbooks. (Or at least they did for my Modern Marketing & App Design classes back in the early 2010s. Venmo, of course, wasn’t mentioned, but I did read the shareholder’s speeches when they banned sex workers from the platform so I added them in the list above because it seems they’re following the same pattern.)

So you have two groups who are actively seeking to remove NSFW content from the site.

A) Corporate shareholders

B) People are upset they’re seeing NSFW content they didn’t seek out and squicks them

Now, why does this matter for the debates using the term “puritan” as an insult?

Because the reasons corporate shareholders hate NSFW material is founded in American puritanism. It’s a really interesting conflation of private sector values! And if Wall Street were in another cultural context, it would be a completely different discussion which I find fascinating!

But here’s the rub- that second group? They're not doing this for money. If there are any puritanical drives, it’s personal, not a widespread cohesive ideology driving them. HOWEVER! The section of that group that spent the early 2010s on tumblr did pick up some of the same rhetoric as puritanical talking points (which is an entirely separate discussion involving radfems, 4chan raids, fourth wave feminism, and a huge very nuanced set of influences I would love to talk about at a later time!)

These are largely fans who have “grown up” in the modern sites- no matter how old they actually are, their fandom habits and expectations have been shaped by the algorithms of these modern sites.

Now HERE‘s the fascinating bit that’s new to me! This is the interpretation of the data I’m getting, and so I’m out on a limb but I think this is a valid premise!

The major conflict in fandom at this time is a struggle over personal space online.

Content creators are getting messages telling them to stop, degrading them, following them from platform to platform.

They say “Hey! What gives- we were here first. The cardinal rule of fandom is don’t like, don’t read. Fandom space has always been understood to be adult- it’s been this way for decades! To find our content, you had to come to us! This is our space! This is my space, this is my blog! If you don’t like it, you’re not obligated to look!”

Meanwhile, at the exact same time, antis are saying “Hey! What gives- this content is appearing on my screen! That’s my space! I didn’t agree to this, I don’t like this! I want it to be as far away from me as possible! I will actively drive it away.”

This is a major cultural shift! This is a huge change and a huge source of friction! And I directly credit it to the concept of “content stream” and algorithms driving similar-content to users despite them not wanting it!

Curating your online space used to be much simpler, because there wasn’t much of it! Now with millions of users spread out over a wide age range, all feeding in to the same 4-5 websites, we are seeing people be cramped in a technically limitless space!

Now people feel that they have to go on the offense to defend themselves against content they don’t like, which is predicated upon not only the algorithms of modern websites but ALSO talking points fed from the top down of what is and what is not acceptable on various platforms.

Time: 2010-2020. Is Anti a term? Yes. Who is the term used by? People self describing,and people using it to describe others. Is fandom space considered Puritanical? Depends!

So I, a fandom ancient, a creaky thing of old HTML codes and broken tags, am watching this transformation and am wildly curious for data.

Also...I uh....I can’t believe this is the short version. My ADHD is how you say “buckwild” tonight.

Anyways...um...if anyone has read to the bottom, give me data?

#Asks&Answers #fandom #anti #fandom discourse #gosh I've been on the internet a long time...#started at the 90s now we hear #I still sometimes think about the dudes who were HELLA salty about the eternal september #they talk about it like it was a war...you bring up Usenet and they go #I was THERE Gandalf

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unforth · 4 years

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Hi there! I absolutely loooove the destiel fic collection and think that it's a genius way to expose fans to fics that might not always get as much attention on fic recs and when searching on ao3. I was thinking of trying to create a similar collection for another fandom and was wondering if you have any tips? Or if there's anything that you wish you knew when you started it? Thank you!

Hi!! Just for openers, sorry I didn’t reply to this yesterday, my mom’s basement flooded and took with it all my writing time, sigh. ANYWAY. On to the topic at hand. How to make a “faves survey” for another fandom, and have it resemble what I’ve made for Destiel? Well, here’s what I’ve done, hopefully some of it will be applicable to you...

1. This is the most important part: Do NOT let it become or be perceived as a popularity contest. Never release the raw stats (except perhaps to a small number of people who you trust to help you). Never announce a “winner.” Never share a ranked list. Never act as if more votes equals better. Never ever suggest in anyway that your purpose to find “the best.” Treat people and fics who get one vote with just as much fanfare as people and fics who get 50 votes. I do release a “top 20″ list just because so many people asked, but even then, it’s in alphabetical order, and meant more as a snapshot. Encourage people to vote for their favorites that aren’t already in whatever collection you end up making, and encourage people to vote for things they don’t usually see on rec lists. Aim for an expansive range of types of fics being voted for, and make it clear - no ship shaming (or secondary ship shaming, if yours is ship-based like mine, rather than being general to a given fandom) or kink shaming.

2. Keep the survey super simple. People don’t read complex instructions, and they’re not going to want to rank lists or anything like that. You can see the one I use here. Feel free to emulate it, copy it, modify it for your own purposes. I used to just do boxes but people would routinely put in way more than 5/10, and while I didn’t really mind the extras, it greatly increased the amount of work I had to do, and since the survey routinely gets a couple hundred replies that I go through, I decided to make it a little harder for people to go over the limits. Don’t bother asking for people’s names or trying to validate the results. I’ve tried. People don’t want to put their names, and validation encourages people not to submit...AND doesn’t prevent cheating...so is really pointless. Just keep it anonymous, after four rounds I can say...that works best.

3. And, speaking of people going over the limits, and cheating...people will cheat. No matter how clear you are that number of votes don’t matter, no matter how much you insist that whatever data you’re collecting will only be used in so-and-so a way...you will spot people “cheating,” for various definitions of the word cheating. People who vote for their own works. People will submit multiple surveys. People will “ballot box stuff” for their favorite(s). People will list more than the maximums you’ve asked them to. People will submit works from other ships, and - though it’s never happened to me - if you make it fandom-general I’ll lay heavy odds at least one dumbass will submit for some other fandom entirely. It happens in different permutations every time, some more obvious than others, but it happens. And the conclusion I reached is...so fucking what? In the end, since the idea is to highlight as many different great works as possible...screw it. Let people vote for themselves. Let people ballot box stuff. Let people submit multiple surveys, or list more than whatever maximums you’ve set. In the end, since every work is treated as equal and one vote is worth as much as a hundred...if they’re cheating to up the vote count, it’s irrelevant, and if they’re cheating to vote for more works, then yay! more works to include! and basically the only thing I’ve found that reduces cheating is to make it absolutely clear to people that I’d really rather they not but ultimately I can’t stop them, so do their thing I guess? And it does help. I got less cheating each time I do it, or at least less that I’m able to catch lol. (as a side note - the one exceptions is the “works for others ships.” Those you can see listed on the “INELIGIBLE” sheet of the spreadsheet I link below, but I don’t add them to the AO3 collection.)

4. Spreadsheets are your best friend. You’re going to want some way to organize the data you’re collecting. I’ve got a public version of the sheet I use that you can see here. It’s pretty similar to my “private” version, except the private version includes actual vote counts, separated by which time(s) I did the survey that the work in question got votes. I mostly use that data so I can do comparisons over the years (“this year X works were added to the collection that were never in it before!”) and because I like numbers. However, depending on how exactly you plan to use the data, you may not even need to tally vote counts, and you could do one that’s more similar to my public version. Also, if you make an AO3 collection, you’re going to want some way to track which works you’ve invited, which have been added, etc., cause otherwise it’s just a nightmare to keep track of. (a little more on this later).

5. Decide how and where you’re going to share your data - as an AO3 collection? As a public spreadsheet? On social media? Maybe you want to make a side Tumblr just for it? Or a Discord server? etc. etc. Like, I’ve got a pillowfort group (though I hardly use it) and a channel in a Discord server (thanks again to the PB folks for making space for me!) with the AO3 collection being the main portal. You want to make sure that it’s advertised enough that people know it exists, and also be prepared that short term you’ll hear basically no feedback on whether people use it, and even long term it’ll be once in a blue moon and suddenly eight people will be like WAIT YOU’RE THE PERSON BEHIND THAT THING I LOVE THAT THING. In that respect it can feel a little thankless but I’ve definitely found that people do use it, it’s just that there’s no real way for people to let YOU know they’re using it (and, honestly...good? This isn’t really about us, after all, it’s about all these fic writers, the goal is to bring attention to them, not ourselves, we’re just a go-between for the writers and the readers.)

6. For making an AO3 collection, you’ll have to invite every single work individually. Some people have their accounts set to auto-accept invites, but otherwise whether the work actually gets added will depend on the authors. Some people will never accept the invite. Some people won’t know how to accept the invite. Some people will accept the invite and then subsequently remove their work. Some people have left these parts completely and will never even see the invite. That’s why it’s important to track who has added and who hasn’t, and periodically double check it (I double check every six months or so). For the people who don’t accept the invites for whatever reason, you can bookmark the item to the collection. HOWEVER, if you do this with your personal account, every single one of those bookmarks will be listed under your personal AO3, which is why I ultimately made the Faves survey its own account - it’s entirely to facilitate bookmarking. You can also use the “Bookmark External Work” feature to link to works that aren’t on AO3, and to tag them to whatever extent you want to. Here’s some examples of how I chose to bookmark external works.

7. Things will inevitably get complicated. Authors will change their names. People who do the survey will use shorthand you’ve never heard of for some fic you don’t know. People will misspell things and you’ll either recognize it even with the typo...or you won’t. People will vote for things that list eight different ships and you’ll have no idea which one is endgame. People will vote for things that have been deleted, or they’ll tell you it’s definitely on AO3 when it’s not, it’s on some other platform. The list of random things I’ve had to deal with is stupidly long and I’ve probably forgotten even more. Just...roll with it. Do your best. Ask for help (“Someone nominated a fic abbreviated as ABC to the collection and didn’t give the author and I have no idea what it is, help me Tumblr!”). And in the end, if you’ve done everything you can think of and you still don’t know...let it go. It’s just not that worth worrying about. And sometimes if you step away and look again in a few days you’ll figure out another way to search and it’ll pop up. But honestly I’ve got a handful of works I still haven’t been able to track down, and that one work that someone submitted that’s only available in Finnish and is explicit and behind a log-in wall on a small independent Finnish-only fic archive...well, I spoke to the author and confirmed the work exists, but otherwise...whelp, it’s not linked, and I did my best. That’s all you can do.

8. No matter what you do, someone somewhere will probably get upset about it. The first time I did the survey, when it got the most traction, I actually got a little hate, and I got some anons who were like “oooooo did you know that ~x~ is cheating” and I had a little “HOW DARE YOU NOT PLAY FAVORITES WHAT ABOUT MY PERSONAL FAVE?” and just...decide how you’re approaching the survey, and stick to your guns, and if anyone is a douche, hit the block button. And, related...

9. Transparency is most important imo. Not transparency for vote counts obviously, but transparency for what you’re doing, and why you’re doing it, and what you hope to accomplish. Make sure your goals are clear from the start (mine weren’t that first time, hence some of the problems I encountered) - if it’s to highlight as wide a range of works as possible, say that. If it IS to pick a favorite, say that too. Just be clear, and honest, and above board, and it should work out okay.

10. Side note...one of the saddest things about all this is that if you do it over an extended period you’ll see authors deleting their works. As such, I personally chose to download every work that gets a vote, that way it’s at least preserved. I then expanded that into a much larger archive that I’m still adding to all the time, trying to save as much Destiel as possible. But then, I’m an archivist at heart, whether you want to branch out in that kind of direction is up to you.

...okay, that’s everything I can think of. Hopefully I didn’t scare you too bad. I don’t know what fandom/ship you’re looking at but for perspective...first time I did the survey I got about 400 replies, and then the next two times it got about 200, and this most recent time it got about 300. I chose to do mine annually, on the assumption that gives some time for people to come and go for fandom and a lot of new works to get created, and I deliberately timed it for about a month after the biggest fandom event (the DCBB) that generates fics, to give people time to read those fics and consider them in their voting. For me, that means I happen to run the survey starting on January 1st, and I keep it limited to 15 days, since usually it tapers off anyway. But you could try experimenting with different schedules, or leaving it open all the time, etc., it just depends how much time you want to devote to monitoring and updating it. For me, I mostly want to do a big burst of work and then not have to think about it most of the rest of the time, lol.

So...questions? comments? thoughts? wanna tell me I’m dead wrong? I’m all ears, lemme know how I can help!

#destiel favs survey #unforth replies #sorry if this is a mess I've GOT to do some writing so I don't want to take the time to edit it #treatlouwithkindness

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dr3am-t3am · 4 years

Text

quick comment i wanted to make on the fan art issue, that i would’ve put on twitter if it weren't for its stupid character limit

i really really do understand both sides. in all honesty, im not mad at all, bc i think the issue is more with twitter itself than either dream or the artists, but tensions got rlly high last night and i feel for everyone that was affected. i do wanna say tho, the twitter algorithm really puts artists at a h u g e disadvantage.

to everyone and anyone affected, pls feel free to talk to me? and if you have fan art, feel free to message me w/ it. im v far from anything resembling a big account both here and on twitter, but i will definitely boost ur art if u send it ! we really can't expect ccs to see or boost our art, just from the crappiness of social media algorithms alone, but when artists work together to help each other and such we can still make sure that all of our art is appreciated and loved by the community. love y'all !! <3 <3 <3

more hypothetical discussion and thoughts under the cut

again, i am a fanartist. i am also a fanfic writer, and i started on tumblr, so i know that bc of my experiences, im gonna be a lot less? affected? i guess by limited interactions from ccs. on tumblr, there’s no way you're gonna get noticed by ccs (which is a perk, sometimes) and when you’re a fanfic writer you really dont even ask for positive attention you really just want people to stop giving you negative attention haha

that being said, i understand people’s frustration with dream bc he hasn’t been interacting as much with art. i maintain that this frustration should be more directed to the twitter algorithm, tho.

(who’s ready for some hypothetical math?)

let’s say that an artist takes 1 hour to make one piece of art. this is honestly, really really dang fast, many detailed full pieces of art take 2-3 hours at least, and many others will take 8, 10, or even more. but we’re gonna give the artist the benefit of the doubt anyways and say that they take 1 hour.

Now how about stan accounts? Let’s say that they make 5 posts an hour. This is honestly, probably a low ball! Each post takes a few seconds to make, a lot of the time, and plenty of accounts are much more active than posting every 12 minutes. But we’re gonna, again, make this situation the best possible situation for the artist, and let’s say that the stan account only posts 5 times an hour. Even with this situation, for each post that the artist makes, assuming that they @ dream every time, he’s going to see 5 posts by a stan account.

Artists also tend to be very outnumbered on twitter, so let’s say for every artist, there are 10 stan accounts. Let’s assume that they also make 5 posts an hour. So for each artist that shows up in dream’s notifications, he’s going to see 50 posts by stan accounts.

But artists get fatigued! We’re going to go with a high estimate again with 4 fully finished pieces a day. (this is insane! keep in mind, even if we’re lowballing the time put in, this is still 4 hours a day of art. for most artists, their fully finished pieces take 2, 3, 4 hours. four pieces a day would put them at 8-16 hours of work!!). on the other hand, stan account posts take a lot less time to make, and are much less likely to make them fatigued. Therefore, we can assume that the stan accounts, posting 5 times an hour, can stay active for 8 hours a day.

What does this put us at? For every post that an artist makes with a fully finished piece of art, dream is seeing 100 notifications from stan accounts. This doesn’t even include how dream is more likely to respond to those who interact with his tweets, which is nigh impossible for artists because they cannot make a piece of art to reply to his posts in the ~5 minutes that he will look at the replies to the post he posts. I also made this situation the best possible situation for the artist. In reality, I can only make about one fully finished piece a day, and more often will go two or three days without posting. There are also far more stan accounts than artists, stan accounts are often active for longer than 8 hours and post more than once every 12 minutes. The real ratio might be more like 1 in 200, 300, 400. Just because of the algorithm, artists are pretty dang screwed.

Dream has been making efforts to help with this, such as through the dreamfanart tag! this manages to filter out all of the stan accounts, and when fan artists use it he’s going to be much more likely to see the art. even so, the amount of artists he will actually interact with is very low. it’s just the way the website works, when his notifications are definitely constantly flooded, when artists are so easily drowned out by the literal army of stan accounts on twitter. in the end, it’s really up to artists to hype each other up and support each other. My best advice for if you want more appreciation and interaction are:

1. use the dreamfanart tag! again, this manages to filter out most of the stan account activity, and will help other people to find your art if you’re a relatively new artist

2. self advertise! retweet your own art, reply with your art under people’s posts hyping up artists, dont be afraid to put yourself out there. if you want your voice to be heard in the sound of all these other accounts, you have to be loud!

3. interact with other artists! by helping and hyping up other artists, theyre more likely to do so with you. artists are a pretty small population of dttwt, and we have to support each other to get anywhere. retweet, like, reply to people’s art. follow dttwt artists and support them!

4. love your art for what you’ve already done. this is the hardest part, especially when you put hours into a piece and see it get like, less than 10 likes. i have been there, and it sucks. but your art is Good. you put your time, effort, and heart into that, and regardless of how other people respond, you did good and im proud of you. <3

a last note: i have to admit, i wasn't the most comfortable with all of the dttwt artists bullying and venting their frustrations at dream, specifically, for “ignoring” fan artists. could he have interacted more? definitely. but i dont think he was by any means trying to “ignore” fan artists. his notifications are swamped, his tl is swamped. twitter works in a way where a day or two after you make a piece of art, it’s pretty much buried and lost forever. last night he was just trying to do a good thing by shouting out some small accounts in the community. fan artists, i am a part of you, and i feel your pain and frustration, but please don’t speak out of a place of anger. it’s far too easy to say something, publicly, that you’ll regret. i do not condone any of the hate sent anywhere, especially to fan artists last night, but let’s all remember to be kind and build each other up, ok? We’re all in this together, ccs, stan accounts, fan artists. we’re all doing this because we love the dteam and the content they make. don’t lose sight of why we’re here in the first place <3

again, love you guys so much. take care of yourselves! im proud of all of you, fan artists, fanfic writers, any and all creators, as well as those of you who are just here to express your love for the dteam. be kind and support one another, ok? <3

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akindoftarot · 4 years

Photo

ATTENTION QUEEN FANDOM ARTISTS

I’m organising a fandom wide collaborative art project - creating a Queen themed tarot deck! I’ve organised general ideas of what each card will feature so that we get a good range of images and theres a connection to the meanings of each card but I can’t create all 78 art pieces on my own.

LINK

If you see this and aren’t artistically inclined please give it a reblog or share it with any artists you know. I’d love this post to reach as many artists as possible and I can’t rely on tumblr to show it in the tags or anything so I would love some extra help spreading the world.

Why A Tarot Deck?

Why Multiple Artists?

What Sort of Art?

The only times I may say you can’t depict a particular outfit or moment is if I’ve already planned it to be on one of the minor arcana cards but otherwise you’ll have free reign.

I Don’t Know Anything About Tarot, Does That Matter?

Distribution?

Of course something like Kickstarter is also an option I guess but, again, I’m still looking into all of this.

Time frame?

What Happens If Not Enough People Sign Up?

What Happens If Too Many People Sign Up?

I am surprisingly prepared for this scenario. Firstly there were a few ideas I was throwing around that didn’t end up being used in the final list so potentially we can create some alternate cards.

You Said There Would Be A List Where’s The List?

The Fool/s - Smile

The Magician/s - Queen

The High Priestess - Freddie in The Great Pretender

The Empress - Roger in The Great Pretender

The Emperor - Miami

The Hierophant - The Prophets Song

The Lovers - Freddie and Jim

The Chariot - Tour Bus

Justice - Present Day Bri

The Hermit - Older John

Wheel of Fortune - A Night At The Opera/Bohemian Rhapsody record

Strength - Ben Hardy

The Hanged Man - Highlander (or any of the queen songs featured in it)

Death - Bri in the Hard Life video

Temperance - Naked bicycle race

The Devil - Death on Two Legs

The Tower - Frank from News of the World

The Star - Rami Malek

The Moon - Gwilym Lee

The Sun - Joe Mazzello

Judgement - Adam Lambert/Q+AL?

The World - Made In Heaven/Tribute Concert

#queen #queen band #queen band art #queen fanart #freddie mercury #freddie mercury art #roger taylor #roger taylor art #brian may #brian may art #john deacon #john deacon art #adam lambert art #bohemian rhapsody #borhap #borhap cast #borhap art

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hrmphfft · 4 years

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controversial opinion time I guess but

hey gang? hey, gang. gang, hey. blaming your fans for them not reblogging your content enough (and saying that they’re Directly Responsible For Tumblr Dying) is an extremely passive aggressive, mean thing to do, and also completely ignores so many other reasons as to why engagement has changed on this site and posts don't circulate like they used to.

for one thing, whenever I see these posts, I rarely see the ops acknowledge the HUGE HIT to tumblr's userbase following the 2018 policy change/implementation of tumblr's terrible content filtering algorithm. tumblr lost roughly 1/3 of its engagement (https://mashable.com/article/tumblr-lost-a-third-of-its-users-after-porn-ban/) and countless content creators with it. some of them migrated to twitter and other sites, some of them seem to have straight-up vanished into thin air, and countless others lost their biggest or main userbase with barely any time to shift gears to something else. that's a huge, website-shaking change! but so often in these 'reblogs vs. likes' posts I don't see anyone acknowledging that and it makes me really upset!

you can't talk about the ways tumblr has undoubtedly changed these last few years and NOT address the nsfw ban! it's completely unfair to your fanbases to shift the blame of the biggest displacement of users the site has ever experienced on...the users who had no say in the policy change and reacted accordingly when the site started softbanning everyone, and filtering all sorts of tags from the search function (including important sfw ones, lest we forget The Entire Furry Fandom on tumblr discovering that basic-ass tags like #furry and #anthro were being blocked when the ban rolled around), and making uploading anything vaguely beige-colored a dice roll. tumblr still hasn't recovered from that, and unfortunately probably never will, not without some hail mary of policy changes and overhauls.

I've seen some pretty ageist shit regarding content engagement as well that tries to paint younger users as just Not Getting how tumblr functions vs. other social media sites like instagram and twitter, and on top of that just showcasing a really uncomfortable disconnect/animosity towards new users whose only crime is being younger than op and also more experienced with other social media platforms, it also is just. it's really unkind? it's super rude? how can you call your followers too clueless to know how reblogging works and then expect them to support your content via reblogging and not feel like you're insulting them until they give you the result you want?

moreover, lots of young/new tumblr users get the gist of tumblr's controls and get it very quickly! technology literacy is becoming more and more a part of everyday life for everyone, and if you really think that a teenager can't understand that reblogging puts a thing on their follower's dashboards, one of the main functionalities of the site (and also very similar to twitter, one of tumblr's main competitors), I really don't know what to say. sometimes people just straight-up don't want to reblog stuff to their blogs, and that's okay.

there's also a tendency to ignore the ways that blogging on tumblr has changed as its userbase has became more well-versed in its functions and, frankly, a portion of the userbase has grown up on this site. when I first started blogging on here, I was 17, I didn't use tags, I commented unrelated (and frankly sometimes really regrettably rude) replies directly onto artist's posts, and I basically just reblogged whatever I vaguely liked, and a lot of things I didn't totally get but thought Looked Cool/Funny so I reblogged anyways.

and that's fine, that's pretty par for the course of being young on the internet and doing whatever you want and having a good time (barring the rudeness, being respectful to people is the ideal), but as time went on my interests changed, my time spent online changed (I went from highschool to college to a full-time job that limits my time on social media), and I began engaging with tumblr's content differently. I made sideblogs for interests and content themes I didn't want on my main blog, I started liking stuff and then going back through my likes to reblog posts later, and generally speaking my number of posts a day dropped and I stopped being able to catch up on my dashboard every single day. and I'm sure my experience isn't unique for some other people on here.

a lot of the tumblr users I've known for a while just don't have the same level of intensity in fandoms like we did years back, not because of any malice or selfish, content-hogging intent, but because our priorities have changed. I definitely miss a lot of things about years past on tumblr when fandoms were booming and new Big Name Creators were cropping up all the time, and to be fair that's still happening on parts of the site if you know where to look! it's just different now. time has passed. people have changed!

that isn't to be defeatist and say that we can't show up for content we enjoy and reblog it, but instead that people can feel differently about stuff they used to adore, and be more particular about one thing or another they reblog, and straight-up miss stuff that they would have really liked but just didn't catch up on for a myriad of reasons. and that's also okay. engagement on tumblr is really, really tied up in personal preferences, and sometimes it feels like it does that more than most other social media sites. this is kind of the wild west of internet presences and everyone operates differently on here as a result.

and probably the most touchy point of all: no one is obligated to give you validation on the internet. no one. not even if they've read all of your fanfics you've worked really fucking hard on for forever and a day, or your comics that you've spent months, years, a lifetime researching and creating, or your beautifully, painstakingly timed and masked fan videos. they can absolutely consume any of these, and more, and they're still not obligated to reblog your work or promote you. it's not fair, yes, and it's completely understandable and super relatable to want recognition for the work you've done and the ways you've brightened other people's lives, but online most of your fans are still total strangers to you, and trying to control the behavior of total strangers because you’re owed their acknowledgement isn’t a healthy mindset to have.

and you can say that any fan of yours stops being a fan after they drop you for you lashing out at them for not unquestioningly giving you space on their blogs like you're owed, but being upset at being accused of bad behavior for what amounts to not wanting to reblog something this time around and changing your opinions based off of that is also a very understandable thing to do.

and that isn't because of any sort of innate cruelty, or pointed attack towards you. it's just because there is always a disconnect between the creator and the creation, and some people will never bridge that gap and engage with you more, or build a parasocial relationship with you, or seek out ways to support you. and plenty of others will do the exact opposite! it's a total dice roll because you're dealing with a lot more people than you realize scrolling past your content, and every person is different, and some of them don't fully understand how reblogs help a creator, and some of them do but just don't want that content on their feed, and none of them are inherently bad people for that.

I'm not saying creators have to be perfectly kind and civil and praise their fans all the time, but when you engage with your followers like it's a battle where you have to keep devising new ways to get them to share your content, it just comes across as super disingenuous, and people cop to that very fast.

it also, frankly, can make longtime fans who reblog your work regularly feel like their interest doesn't matter, and wasn't good enough, and that then it really is their fault that other people (other STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET) don't engage with your content the way you wanted them to. you don't owe them perfection, but that doesn't mean it isn't still an unkind thing to do.

so like. what can we do about this?

asking users to reblog your work is totally fine and can help! calls to action work more than nothing at all. it's possible to be respectful when asking people to reblog your work without also guilt-tripping them with "likes < reblogs" banners and passive aggressive tags/comments. generally speaking guilt is a really shitty motivational tool, and tends to breed more resentment than actual outcomes people want. like this post for example! I wouldn't have sat down and typed this all out if I didn't resent the hell out of being told I'm, personally, the reason tumblr is demonstrably not an ideal website for building a fanbase anymore. if I had that much power over this website I would have given the whole thing to the xkit team years ago and reveled in a functional website instead.

changing the way you post content might help! every site has its ideal posting days, times, and reasons for why some are ideal for one site and not another. doing a little research (https://sproutsocial.com/insights/best-times-to-post-on-social-media/) will yield some potentially helpful tips and tricks that might result in a post reaching more people. utilizing tumblr's search function is also important, and understanding the limits of the tag function (ie. only the first 5 tags of a post are used for tag searches) can help change one's habits to something a little more effective. this is why I tend to leave my tag babbling until after the main fandom/category tags on my posts, so that tumblr's jankass search has a better shot, haha

broadening your online presence can definitely help! this is by far the most terrifying option since it involves branching out onto other social media platforms, some of which really don't lend themselves to whatever fandom/content one produces, so like the other two above it's only a suggestion.

I keep coming back to twitter and instagram, but that's mainly because they're the two other powerhouses of social media right now, though admittedly they only really cater towards visual media (and mainly imagery, not longer video pieces), and they have their own weird quirks to learn and jank to deal with. but given how precarious tumblr's status has become in some ways, trying to build a presence on multiple sites means that you reach more people across the internet, and also means that if tumblr does yet another website-shattering policy change, your eggs aren't all in one basket.

of course these options aren't foolproof, and won't work for everyone in some cases or not at all for others, but my main point in all this is this: tumblr has irrevocably changed, its userbase has changed, and we are limited in the ways we can directly influence it, but there are still options. I'm by far not a social media expert, but then again none of the posts I've seen so far were made by social media experts either, so I honestly don't feel too bad for throwing my hat into the ring while we're all thrashing about in confusion

y'all aren't wrong that things have changed, but I'm begging you to have some compassion and to try not to turn the relationship between creators and consumers of content into a battleground, especially when a lot of the influences on these changes are things entirely outside of any of our's direct control.

also because it makes y'all sound exactly like this:

#long post #site engagement #a big long pissy rant because I am so goddamned tired y'all #especially because I can't escape these Hot Takes because none of them are tagged consistently #and new ones keep cropping up all the time #it's like whack-a-mole #every post I block sprouts another a few months later #tone doesn't carry through the internet very well but rest assured when I see shit like this #paired with people's screenshots of their like/reblog ratios #and it turning into a 'u think those notes are small check this out' party I get #really goddamned fed up with it #this is of course not comprehensive and mainly just me whingeing @ the whingeing but sometimes u just gotta

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dvp95 · 5 years

Text

so easy to come back into you

pairing: dan howell/phil lester

rating: teen & up

warnings: none

tags: memory loss, canon compliant, hurt/comfort, established relationship, happy ending

word count: 8,856

sequel to still the best, more or less (which you can read on ao3 or here on tumblr)

read on ao3 or here!

"I hate saying it because it makes me feel like a fucking child, but none of this is fair."

Dan is watching the fern in the corner sway gently every time the standing fan blows air its way, because that's always a lot easier than looking Robin in the eye.

"Why do you think you sound like a child?"

"Because," says Dan, "adults know that life isn't fair."

"Do they," says Robin. It's not phrased like a question, so Dan doesn't answer it. She pauses just in case he wants to, but Dan doesn't want to talk about his parents' mottos today. "Talk to me about fairness. What would be fair for you, Dan?"

The fern settles as the wind direction changes again. "It's not about what's fair for me. He needs me to hold it together."

"You're not prioritizing your own feelings," Robin says gently. She doesn't need to voice the again, the as per usual. Dan hears it anyway.

"It feels selfish," says Dan. "To want more than he can give me. But - fuck, I really miss him."

"Do you resent him? For not giving you more?"

"No," Dan says, kneejerk. Robin waits, giving him a chance to think about it properly. Her silences used to unnerve Dan, make him feel like she was sitting there judging him, but that was a few years ago. He's grateful for it now. "Not... really. I don't resent him, because he's doing what he can, all he knows how to do, but I resent... the situation."

"The unfair situation."

"Yeah."

He chances a glance at Robin, who smiles when their eyes meet. Her legs are crossed at the ankles and she has a notebook in her lap that she hasn't touched yet today.

"I know this is going to sound obvious," she says, "but have you spoken to Phil about this?"

No. Dan can't do that to him, can't saddle him with more stress than he's already got, can't take the risk that he'll decide Dan's more trouble than he's worth. He shakes his head.

"You don't know Phil," he says instead. "Hell, I don't even know Phil right now. But he's not exactly the type to wear everything on his sleeve. It felt... easy, the first time, because we were on, like, level playing ground. But now... I don't know. I guess I'm noticing how much shit he doesn't tell me. And if I spoke to him about feelings, I don't think he'd know how to handle that at all."

"What bothers you more?" Robin asks, leaning forward a bit. "That you don't know what Phil is thinking, or that he doesn't know what you're thinking?"

Dan doesn't have an answer for her. He looks back at the fern and resolves to think about it.

It's like Uncanny Valley happening in real time. Dan will stumble into the kitchen to see someone that looks like Phil making coffee. He'll wrap his arms around its waist and kiss its shoulder, and it feels like Phil. Then it'll open its mouth and say something that's just this side of wrong, and Dan is jolted into remembering again.

Phil can only get away with not seeing his family for so long. They're close, the Lesters, in a way that Dan used to be jealous of.

That was before. Before Florida, before the Isle, before before before. Dan is naturally a jealous person, to be honest, but how could he have stayed jealous of something he was so wholeheartedly included in?

"If you don't let Martyn come and check on you, your parents will show up at our door without warning," Dan tells him when he hits ignore on yet another FaceTime call.

It's one of Phil's big fears, Dan knows,; his parents suddenly looking old. It's why they travel to see them more than they really need to, so Phil can look at his parents and reassure himself that they haven't aged a decade overnight.

Not a reassurance he'll get now, clearly.

"I know," Phil says on a sigh, toying with the volume buttons. He's still getting used to his phone. Dan had limited the apps on it before handing it over last week, still paranoid of Phil getting overwhelmed.

"You'd rather see Martyn first," Dan says with a confidence he doesn't feel. "He's in London. I'll tell him to come for dinner, okay?"

Phil looks over at him, and Dan hates this part. He knows there's something happening behind Phil's eyes, but they're so carefully neutral that he couldn't possibly guess what it is. It's not something that used to get directed at him, not often anyway, not outside of arguments or surprises. It's all he sees now.

"Okay," Phil finally agrees. Relief washes over Dan. "You're right, Martyn is better right now."

So Dan tells Martyn to come over, and then he helps Phil clean the flat. He always freaks out when guests are coming and does weird things like scrub the baseboards. This, at least, has not changed.

They play music loudly to make the cleaning feel like fun rather than a chore. Phil makes up words to every song, even if he knows it, and Dan nearly eats shit when he steps onto a fresh-mopped floor in socks. The way Phil laughs like it's the funniest thing he's ever seen almost makes up for Dan's life flashing before his eyes. It's a good day.

The problem is, Dan can't shake the feeling that he's playing house.

Phil is Phil, except in the ways that he isn't. He might as well be a stranger for all Dan actually knows him. He's heard stories about this Phil, obviously, met him not too long after this, watched him grow into the man he is now. Was. The man he was. Hopefully, the man he will be again.

Until that time comes, though, Dan is going to have to suck it up and deal with the unsettled feeling in his gut.

He takes a shower so he doesn't have to watch Phil make dinner, still familiarizing himself with the contents of all their cupboards. He uses Phil's body wash so he can continue clinging to any part of him that's still around.

Their buzzer goes off fifteen minutes before the agreed meeting time. Dan wonders what fear Kath and Nigel instilled in their sons to make them so prompt as adults, because his parents certainly missed the boat on that one. Phil gives him meerkat eyes, so Dan goes to answer it with a flurry of hellos and how was the journeys and then the conversation trails off to make room for the elephant in the corner.

Martyn gives him a hug, the kind of full-body one reserved for celebration; Cornelia's hug is tight around his ribs, and Dan almost gets choked up by the care they're showing him.

Neither of them are smiling. Dan realises that he isn't smiling, either. The entry landing is quiet, somber, like they're a trio in mourning.

"He's in the kitchen," Dan says when the quiet starts to get to him.

"How you doing, mate?" Martyn asks.

"Not great," says Dan. It feels both good and bad to be so honest, but there's no point in trying to bullshit either of them. "Like, it's been a bit of an adjustment."

"No kidding," Cornelia says in her soft, musical voice. She takes Dan's hand and squeezes it. Her hand is soft and so small that Dan is worried, ridiculously, about hurting her, but her grip is strong as she leads the way to the kitchen.

Phil stays facing the stove for as long as he possibly can before it would be weird, turning around with that carefully neutral mask on.

"Hey, Mar," he says, his voice not giving away how freaked out he's been all day.

It's not like watching Phil put on different faces is new to Dan, exactly, but he can count the times Phil's done it around his family on one hand.

Martyn either doesn't notice or is very good at hiding his emotions, too, because he just smiles and comes closer to clap Phil on the shoulder. "Hey. Heard you went and got yourself another brain injury."

"Yeah, I'm trying to beat the Guinness World Record," Phil quips. His guarded eyes sweep over Dan and Cornelia, still joined at the hand, and he smiles. "Who's this, then?"

"I'm Cornelia, it's so nice to meet you - again." Cornelia laughs, a tinkling bell of a noise that makes the kitchen feel brighter. She lets go of Dan to envelop Phil in a tight hug around his waist. "You can call me Corn if you like, I don't mind."

"Nice to meet you, Corny," says Phil. The unapproved nickname is on purpose, Dan knows - he's trying to make himself more comfortable by being silly.

Cornelia laughs again and lets go of Phil, her eyes twinkling. "You must have so many tales about your brother."

Like magic, Phil's whole face brightens until he's Phil again.

They trade stories about Martyn while the man in question protests, argues about details, puts Phil in a headlock and messes up his hair. Dan doesn't chime in, just stirs the pasta sauce and lets the three of them bond. He's heard most of the stories before, but some of them still surprise a laugh out of him. Every time he laughs, Phil looks at him with his eyes all scrunched up, happy, and Dan has to remind himself to breathe.

Dan expects things to be weird, honestly, but two Lesters in a room makes for easygoing conversation all through dinner. When Phil gets confused or trips up, Martyn recovers the dialogue like he never dropped the ball. It's a relief not to be the only one doing that for Phil.

It's a relief, but it's also frustrating. Dan is naturally a jealous person. He wants to be the one Phil looks to for explanations and reassurance.

He knows that Phil needs a bigger support system for both of their sakes, but Dan can't help the childish craving for Phil's attention whenever Martyn or Cornelia make him laugh.

"Mum wants to know if you need anything, by the way," says Martyn. Dan starts a bit when he realises the statement is directed at him.

"Oh," Dan says, idly folding and refolding his paper napkin. "Like what?"

"Hell if I know, but she told me to offer."

"Like photo albums or anything," Cornelia suggests. "Or maybe she just means cakes? She makes a lot of cakes when she's stressed, doesn't she?"

"She does," says Dan, a smile tugging at his lips. "Alright, tell mum to send whatever care package she thinks is best."

Phil's eyes fix on Dan, staring a hole into the side of his face until he turns. Martyn and Cornelia are already joking about what Kath will send, but Phil is just. Looking at Dan. With a small, shy sort of smile, Dan nudges Phil's thigh under the table.

"What?" he murmurs, leaning a bit closer to Phil so that they've got the illusion of privacy.

"Nothing," says Phil. He smiles too, a genuine one that makes the tightness in Dan's chest melt away. "Sounds like my mum likes you a lot."

"I like to think she does."

"Oh, she does," Martyn cuts in, not even pretending he wasn't listening. "Likes him better than she does me, some days."

"But neither of us can compare with the favourite," Dan sniffs.

"Fucking mama's boy over there," says Martyn.

"Now, now, be nice," Cornelia hums. She folds her own napkin into origami and gives them a cheeky grin. "It's not her fault that Phil's the only one here who hasn't said cunt in front of her."

"Hey," Phil protests lightly.

"That's because -"

"He hasn't because -"

Dan and Martyn shout over each other, both trying to get the joke in before the other one gasps it out, yelling 'he's never seen one!' in a sort of chaotic harmony.

The appalled look on Phil's face makes Dan cackle, leaning off his chair with it. Martyn manages to hold a straight face for about five seconds before he's snickering, too, and then the two of them are lost in fits of laughter. It isn't even that funny, but every time Dan looks up and sees Phil - all disapproving and trying not to grin - or Cornelia - humming a tune and looking for all the world like she's on another planet - he sets himself off again.

"Why don't I help you clear the table, Phil," says Cornelia, giving Martyn a fond sort of smile. "Let them get it out of their system."

"It's hard when you don't have any other twelve year olds to bant with," Phil says solemnly, and Dan honks another loud noise of mirth. As he takes Dan's plate, Phil tugs at one of his curls.

Dan smiles, wide, and leans up to press his giggles into the corner of Phil's mouth for a half second. It's nothing Martyn hasn't seen before, but Phil still jerks back as he stands up straight and blinks over at his brother like he's expecting - something. Dan doesn't know what's happening in his brain.

Whatever he thinks Martyn is going to say or do doesn't happen, though, and Phil's shoulders relax as he follows Cornelia into the kitchen.

Still trying to get a handle on the bout of hysteria, Dan clears his throat before speaking. "Th-that was weird, right?"

"Mm?" Martyn prompts, fighting his own stupid grins back. "What was weird?"

"Phil, just now," says Dan.

"Oh, that." Martyn shrugs. "He hasn't come out to me yet. I mean - obviously, like, he has done, he did that ages ago, but - for him, the way he's - ugh. Mate, I don't know how you're doing this."

"It's easy sometimes," Dan says honestly.

"Easy how?"

Martyn's voice is all curiosity and no judgement. He rests his jaw on his palm as he waits for Dan to collect his thoughts, something Dan has watched Phil do a thousand times. It makes him smile and also somehow simultaneously makes him want to cry.

"Easy like everything about being with him is easy," says Dan. He keeps his voice low in case Phil is trying to eavesdrop. "The situation sucks, but. He's still Phil, y'know? I still love him. He still leaves his socks everywhere and has awful trash talk when we play games. And he wants to be here, he likes being around me, so. That part is easy. Being with him is easy."

"You've said that," Martyn says.

"I was repeating myself for emphasis."

"Really? I just figured you got lost in your own rambling again."

Dan flips him off and keeps talking like Martyn hadn't interrupted. "Plus, he doesn't know all the bad shit about me yet. Like, he knows I'm a human disaster, but. The actual bad shit."

"Whatever 'bad shit' you're talking about," says Martyn, doing finger quotes in the same stupid way that Phil does, using his whole hand, "if it didn't scare him off the first time, it won't do again."

"I'm not totally sure of that," Dan admits.

"Then you're very stupid," says Martyn, matter-of-fact.

That startles another laugh out of Dan, and he kicks at Martyn's shin under the table. Martyn kicks back, harder.

"Cunt," he says, and there's a beat of silence before they both lose it again.

As much as he loves them, Dan feels relief wash over him when the door closes behind Martyn and Cornelia. He sees Phil's shoulders slump with the same feeling as he grins at Dan.

"You were right," Phil says. "That wasn't so bad. I think mum and dad are going to be a lot harder to see again."

"Yeah, but mum and dad love you," Dan reminds him, leading the way downstairs. He hears Phil make a small, surprised noise and assumes he missed a step or something. "And they're stubborn as you are, y'know. You can't hide from them forever."

"It's only been a few weeks," Phil mumbles.

"That's forever in Lester time."

Phil hums and flops down on their sofa, right in Dan's usual, creased spot. "Guess so. What's your family like?"

The question catches Dan off guard and he hesitates in the process of tucking his legs underneath him on the sofa. After a beat, he finishes getting comfortable and says, "Fine, I guess."

"You guess," says Phil. "I don't know anything about them! Do you have any siblings?"

"Yeah," Dan says slowly. He doesn't want to talk about this. It took long enough for his Phil to understand the relationship Dan had with the rest of his family, he doesn't expect this Phil to get it at all. "Got a little brother. We're not close in age."

Phil is nodding before Dan finishes talking. "Yeah, you seem like an older brother."

He doesn't elaborate. Dan doesn't ask him to, because he's not sure he wants to know what parts of his personality show all the guilt and resentment and protectiveness he feels when he thinks of Adrian.

"Thanks, I think," says Dan. "You want to play Mario Kart?"

Thankfully, Phil doesn't press the topic. He shakes his head, though, and stretches his arms out.

"I'm just gonna go read in bed, I think. Long day."

"Alright," Dan says. "Let me just grab my laptop and I'll come with."

Phil hesitates. Bites his lip. Says, "Oh. I... sorry, I'm used to you just, like, getting it. Totally forgot how to communicate like a person. Having people over drains me, like, a lot. So I need to go recharge before bed."

Dan doesn't get it, not at first, and Phil's voice is gentle when he adds, "Alone."

"Oh," says Dan. He tries to act like lead hasn't dropped into his stomach. "No, yeah, of course. I'm an introvert too, so. I get it."

"Thanks, Dan," Phil says in evident relief.

He must be dying to get away from you, the self-destructive part of Dan's brain says. Dan tries to ignore it as he goes to the gaming room to play some Skyrim and lose himself in the virtual reality world. He doesn't give his depression brain goblin the satisfaction of convincing him that Phil suddenly hates him, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

In ten years, Dan has never once counted as 'people' for Phil, and vice versa. They'd stumble home from overwhelming social events and world tours and still crawl into bed together, doing their own activities in silence while they recharged together.

It's just because Phil isn't as familiar with Dan, it's nothing personal, but. Dan's character gets caught by a guard while he's distracted.

He plays until his eyes are burning and carefully packs the headset away so one of them doesn't trip over it again. Judging by the time on his phone, Phil's probably fallen asleep already.

That's good. Dan isn't sure that he can act like he isn't affected by Phil's sudden need for space.

Sure enough, Phil is snoring lightly when Dan gets to their room. He's propped up on his pillow, his book is open on his chest, and his glasses are in danger of falling off. It's a sight Dan has grown so familiar with over the years that it warms him to the core, helps chase away the bad taste in his mouth that the word alone left there.

"Stupid," Dan murmurs. He puts Phil's glasses and book on the nightstand before he gets ready for bed. Phil doesn't stir until Dan slides under the covers with him.

"Mm? Huh?" he bleats, squinting in the general direction of Dan's ear as Dan maneuvers him into lying down properly.

"Shh," Dan soothes, running his palm up and down Phil's arm. At the sound of Dan's voice, Phil relaxes and shifts closer. He ends up with his cheek pressed to Dan's chest, his fingers curling around the pocket of Dan's sweats.

"Night, bear," Phil mumbles into Dan's shirt, and Dan stops breathing.

The room is quiet but for Phil's slow breaths and Dan's heart, which is suddenly pounding like he's running a fucking marathon.

Maybe he'd just said Dan's name. He was all muffled by the fabric and his accent has been more Northern than usual since the incident, besides. There's no way he said what Dan heard. There's no way, because Dan can't get his hopes up like that only to see the usual soft but guarded look on Phil's face in the morning.

Dan has a very hard time falling asleep.

In the morning Phil doesn't act any differently, and Dan resigns himself to having misheard. He could ask Phil, sure, but Phil has always been a bit of a mimic - he's been repeating phrases from the AmazingPhil channel that he doesn't understand for weeks now, been latching onto Dan's speaking patterns for years before that - so Dan doesn't want to bring something like this to his attention. For all he knows, Phil would start calling him that every day, and it's not exactly their most used nickname as it is. It'd be weird to hear it all the time.

Most days, honestly, are good. Dan goes for long walks, watches tv, plays games, eats good food, kisses his boyfriend, ignores all the tweets and messages asking for updates on Phil's status.

He still doesn't think Phil needed to make it a video, but Phil had insisted. The story has some humour in it, Dan supposes, but Phil looking wide-eyed at the camera and saying, "and I was like, who's this giant man threatening to call my mum, I was freaking out," isn't something Dan will be able to laugh about anytime soon.

A little over a week after the first, Phil films another video. He answers a mixture of silly and serious questions to reassure everyone that he's fine, more or less. Dan stands behind the camera the whole time and tries not to laugh or make comments.

He's always liked watching Phil work, but this is different. Phil is rougher than he'd been before Dan met him, stumbles over his words a lot, looks at the viewfinder or at Dan instead of the lens. He's less polished. Dan actually thinks it's sweet.

Even though most days are good, Dan still has moments that almost take him out at the knees with how much they make him ache.

It's all the times that Phil will say or do something that makes Dan think, oh, there he is, he's back, only to learn that Phil picked up the habit from watching his own videos. He's a mimic, always has been, and every time a stupid meme comes out of his mouth, Dan has to experience fresh disappointment all over again.

It's all the times that Phil will kiss him, compliment him, wind his long fingers into Dan's belt loops and pull him close just to feel him. Phil is more tactile than he's been in years, not settled into their relationship the same way Dan has.

It's the time, singular, that Dan comes downstairs and sees Phil with his hand in a box of cereal. He scolds him like he's always done and Phil - Phil apologises. Says he really didn't know, and is there anything else he shouldn't be eating? Should he label Dan's food so he doesn't forget? Dan has to leave the kitchen. He never expected the loss of grand theft cereal to be the first thing to make him cry over the situation.

Most days are good, but Dan finds himself waiting on a precipice for something that Phil may never be able to give him.

"It's October."

Dan makes a noncommittal sort of noise around his toothbrush and spits in the sink. "Sure is. I'm thrilled you finally learned how to read a calendar."

"Your mum can read a calendar," says Phil. He's shaving, frowning at himself in the mirror every once in a while, and Dan wishes he could make that self-conscious part of Phil's brain be quiet for a little while. "I just mean, it's October. You said it's ten years this month."

In the mirror, Dan watches himself smile. "Yeah. The nineteenth, if you were wondering."

"That's soon," Phil says, smiling back at Dan when he catches his eye in their reflection. "What are we doing for it?"

"Same thing we do every year," says Dan. "Fuck all."

He expects Phil to laugh or roll his eyes, but Phil frowns. "We don't celebrate it?"

"No, I mean," Dan says, feeling awkward now. He puts his toothbrush away so he can wrap an arm around Phil's hip and duck a kiss to his shoulder. "We weren't out for a really long time, right, and the day meant something to us publicly, so. If we left the house it would have been a whole thing. We just get Dominos and watch some Ghibli or something and have sex. It's a good tradition."

"But it's ten years." Phil still sounds like he can't believe it, every time. "And we're out now. We can do something different, I think. It's not like you're gonna have sex with me, anyway, so the tradition is already shot."

Phil's just being matter-of-fact about it, not annoyed or anything, but Dan still feels the familiar weight of guilt settle over his shoulders.

It's not like Dan doesn't know he's been weird about it. They've been kissing every day, cuddling every night, giving each other soft touches to remind the other that they're there every moment in between, and that hasn't been an issue.

The moment Phil had put his tongue in Dan's mouth and slid his hands up Dan's shirt - well. Dan wouldn't call it a panic attack, exactly, but he'd had a very non-sexy physical reaction. It had been good, because making out with Phil was always good, but. It had also felt like kissing a stranger, because that wasn't the way Phil would kiss him Before. So he'd gotten weird, and Phil had easily accepted the new boundary.

"It's not that I don't want to," Dan mumbles into Phil's shoulder.

"Shut up," says Phil, all affection.

Before Phil can put his razor away, Dan takes it from him and tilts Phil's head gently. "Missed a spot."

"Oh. Thanks."

"What d'you want to do, then?" Dan asks as he finishes off Phil's face. "I mean it when I said we've never really done anything for it. I had no idea you'd even want to."

"We don't need to do anything, like, fancy," Phil says. He's surprisingly patient with Dan doing this for him, managing to stay still and not get himself nicked. "And I don't know what 2019 me is thinking or anything, but I'd bet he would want to do something, too. Ten years is a long time, Dan."

"Don't need to tell me," says Dan. "Spent my whole adult life with you, stupid."

Phil hums. Dan can feel the vibration of it where his fingertips rest against Phil's throat. "Yeah? How old are you?"

"I'm surprised you haven't Googled me yet. Twenty-eight."

After turning Phil's face this way and that to make sure he's clean-shaven, Dan leans in for a soft kiss. He wraps his arms around Phil's waist and feels warmth spread through his chest when Phil cups his jaw, brushes his thumbs over the places where Dan's dimples appear. Phil has never cared about Dan's dimples so loudly the way he does now, and Dan would be lying if he said he didn't like this minor change.

"Forgot what we were talking about," Phil admits when they break apart, grinning dumbly at each other.

"Anniversary," says Dan.

"Right," says Phil. "We can just, like, get coffee. You can show me round London."

"Oh, so you have been Googling?"

"Googling what?"

Phil sounds sincere enough, but Dan knows not to put total trust in that. The sincerity is always what makes him fall for Phil's stupid pranks.

"Sure, so you weren't thinking that we should go to Starbucks," Dan drawls, tracing shapes over Phil's lower back through his cotton shirt, "and then go check out some shops, and go for some drinks, and go on the Eye?"

"I wasn't thinking any of those specifics at all," Phil says with a laugh. He bumps his nose against Dan's, gentle. "Except the Starbucks. But it sounds nice, if that's what you want to do."

Does Dan want to do that? Does he want to relive that? With Phil's guarded eyes?

"No, that's okay," says Dan. "Too cliché. We'll go to Starbucks and, like, the arcade or something. I'll kick your ass at DDR."

"That sounds great, too. Thanks, Dan."

"Stupid. Don't need to thank me."

They just stand there for a little while, smiling and pressing soft kisses to the other's face, until Dan's stomach makes an audible noise. Phil laughs, tongue between his teeth, and pats Dan's tummy.

"C'mon, you lug. I'll make you some pancakes."

When Phil continues to only speak to his parents through text and refuses to answer any questions about when they can come round, Dan takes matters into his own hands.

"Phil," he says, kicking at him from across the sofa.

"What?" Phil asks. He doesn't look up from his graphic novel, but he settles a hand over Dan's ankle.

"Your parents are coming over tomorrow." Dan gives him a very stern look when his head jerks up, full meerkat mode engaged. "Don't you look at me like that. I've got therapy, so you can talk to them for a little bit on your own, okay? We aren't going to keep ignoring them til fucking Christmas or you'll be written out of the will."

"Dan," Phil says, and his eyes are so round and terrified that Dan almost feels guilty about giving Kath and Nigel the green light.

"No, Phil." Dan is using the voice that he has to use when Phil does very stupid things like accept someone's open beer at a uni party or refuse to call the gym back after being traumatized. "They're worried and upset and they keep calling me about it."

He's worried he's gone too far, for a moment. Phil looks down to where he's holding Dan's ankle and admits, "I'm really, really scared. I don't want them to look old."

"They don't look old," Dan says, softening his tone and crawling into Phil's lap. The graphic novel gets put behind him on the coffee table, where it'll be safe, and Phil's hands curl around his hips. Dan runs his thumb over the worry lines between Phil's eyebrows to try and smooth them out. "You don't look old, Martyn doesn't look old, your parents don't look old. You all just look older."

"That's the same thing," Phil whispers.

"It's not." Dan will die on this hill. He kisses the discoloured patch on Phil's forehead, knowing how much its existence bothers him. "You love your parents so much. You have such a - like, the relationship you guys have is amazing. It's what -"

He swallows hard. He knows how he wants to end the sentence, but he isn't sure Phil is ready to hear it. They're not the same people they were two months ago. Dan can't say the same things anymore.

Phil doesn't push for him to keep talking. "I'm scared, Dan," he says again, burying his face into Dan's neck.

Repressing a shiver, because Phil doesn't know better than to breathe all over his neck, Dan soothingly runs his fingers through Phil's hair. "I know. But you have to rip the bandaid off. It's been a month and they're going crazy."

"You're right," Phil sighs against Dan's pulse point. Dan's heart quickens. He tells it, very firmly, to shut the fuck up. "I know you're right. What time are they coming?"

Robin doesn't have a clock in her office. She keeps time on her phone, which is kept face down on her armrest and goes off with a gentle beep every fifteen minutes. Dan had found it unsettling at first, but he doesn't even notice it now.

"I didn't like leaving him alone," Dan says as soon as he sits down. "They just got here, didn't even get their shoes off, but. I needed to be here, y'know?"

"I don't know," says Robin. "You haven't framed the issue at all."

She's good at that. Reminding Dan to keep his thoughts in context so that he doesn't spiral. He smiles at her before turning his eyes to his favourite fern.

"I asked Phil's parents to come over without telling him," he tells the plant, because that's easier than telling Robin. "He's scared of seeing them, I told you that last week and the week before that and - sorry. But, he is. And talking to him about it wasn't doing anything, he was listening but he wasn't doing anything, so. I called them. Am I a bad person?"

"Not at all," Robin says without hesitation. "One choice doesn't make or break you, Dan. Did you call Phil's parents because you were frustrated with him, or did you call because you were worried about him?"

"A little of both," Dan says honestly. He's long past lying through his teeth to his therapists.

"Those are very valid emotions for you to feel right now," says Robin. "What did I say to you last week?"

She'd said a lot of things the previous week. Dan thinks back, carefully pages through the file folder in his brain where he keeps the sessions to take out and peruse at his own pace. "You said... there's no guidebook for this. It's not a normal situation. Even if it was, it would be impossible to navigate until you're in it."

"That's right." The fern's leaves flutter in the breeze.

"I'm worried that he won't forgive me," Dan tells it. "He doesn't love me anymore, you know. That means he can just leave when I fuck up."

"Doesn't he?" Robin hums. She's writing things down today. That usually means she wants to quote Dan's own words back at him later. "Has there ever been a time that Phil didn't forgive you for something?"

No. Not once.

Dan stays quiet for a few minutes. It isn't until the soft beep comes from Robin's phone that he says, "I want to talk about my dad."

It isn't the smartest decision Dan's ever had, spending most of today's session unraveling some of the tangled web of trauma that he and Robin have been working on for years. He knows it'll feel good later, it always does, but for now he's just. Tired.

He gives a round of hugs when he gets home, nearly tearing up when Nigel pats his back, and begs off to take a nap as soon as he sees the relaxed expression on Phil's face.

Selfish, his goblin brain whispers as he crawls under the covers and does his breathing exercises.

In for four, hold for seven, out for eight. Just simple counts to help him fall asleep and focus his mind on something other than the very hard therapy session he's still processing. It's almost like meditation.

Later, he'll get up and cook dinner. He'll chat with the Lesters and keep Phil's spirits up and think about how this, this is what he wants. This is what he's afraid to tell this Phil he wants. He wants to stand in his child's kitchen and watch them be happy, wants them to want him around, wants what he never knew was an option until he met Kath and Nigel.

For now, he'll keep breathing.

"I'm not wearing that," Phil says flatly.

"You're the one who bought it," says Dan, already exasperated with the argument. He puts the pastel hoodie away and comes back with another hanger, one of Phil's favourite tees. "Fine, this one?"

"No," says Phil. "What the fuck? No. Why do I own that?"

"Because you like it."

"It just says 'vibes'. What's there to like?"

"I'm going to kill you," Dan informs him, "and I'm not even joking a little bit."

"Why don't we just go shopping," Phil groans, flopping back onto the bed and starfishing out.

"Because you have an entire closet full of things here!"

"So I'll get rid of some stuff," says Phil. He shrugs, turns his head to look at Dan. His hair is getting longer, falling into his eyes a bit when he leaves it down. "No big deal."

Dan's breath hitches. His voice is too sharp when he says, "Like fuck you will."

Immediately, he wants to take it back. He knows better, knows that nothing can be accomplished by them getting angry with each other. He's just standing there in their bedroom, holding a t-shirt by its hanger and looking at Phil with eyes as wide as Phil's own.

Then, Phil sits up. "They're my clothes," he says.

They're not, Dan thinks.

"They're not," Dan says.

"Funny," says Phil, and his voice is cooler now. "Thought you said I bought them. Seems like it should be my decision if I get rid of them or not, right?"

"No, because," Dan says, then stops. He can't say what he's thinking, what's on the tip of his tongue, because it's not fair.

Phil's expression shutters even further. "Because I'm not him, right?"

"He's not a fucking - you're not separate people, Phil." Dan's hands are shaking as he puts the hanger back into the closet, making sure it's spaced evenly between the other shirts so he doesn't have to look at Phil.

"I'm not?" Phil asks. His voice has gone all quiet, still cool, and Dan feels a chill go up his spine. "You've been acting so - like. Dan. You've been so bloody good to me, you've made me feel so safe and, like I'm home, but I don't think you're talking to me about yourself at all. How do you feel about this? Do you think I'm a different guy now? Do you miss him? Why don't -"

"Stop," says Dan. He's proud of the way he holds it together, stops the word from wobbling out.

"No," Phil says, because he's never argued with Dan before. He doesn't know how, yet, how to soften the sharp edges of all they have to say to each other until it's something productive instead of hurtful. "You're not talking to me."

"I don't want to talk to you about this."

Dan finally turns around. He wishes he hadn't, because Phil's expression looks like he's been slapped for a half second until he schools it into the carefully neutral one that Dan hates.

"We've been together ten years," Phil says. "And you won't tell me how you're feeling?"

"We've been together a month," Dan says. He'll regret the words later. He's regretting them already.

"Am I separate people or not, Daniel?"

The name cuts through any and all composure that Dan might have built up. He sees it again, the confusion and panic in Phil's eyes as he said I don't know what else to call you, that moment where Dan had finally believed him and felt his heart drop into his fucking gut, and he breaks down.

He cries for the first time since the cereal incident, wracking sobs that are frankly embarrassing to let out in front of another human, and lets himself sink to the floor. Part of him likes the drama of it all, but the rest of him is just fucking miserable.

"Fuck," Phil says, the mask he'd slipped on broken by pure panic, and Dan is getting wrapped up in a strong, familiar embrace. "Fuck, Dan, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

It's okay, is what Dan wants to say. It's okay because it's you, and I love you, and you're here even though you don't have to be.

He can't say any of that, though, because he can't even breathe. It's like all of it is coming up at once and making Dan's whole body shake with it. He tries to do his breathing exercises, four-seven-eight, but he can't focus enough.

"It's not fair," is what he manages to gasp out.

Dan's parents would hate that phrase, coming out of his mouth while he cried like a baby. Life isn't fair, they'd remind him, and he'd figure that out when he grew up.

"I know it's not, baby," is what Phil says, though. He doesn't call Dan pet names often at all. Dan wonders if Phil is panicking just as much as he is right now. "I know, it - this sucks, okay, I know it does. But you gotta breathe for me. Can you breathe for me?"

Dan doesn't know.

Somehow, he gets that uncertainty across to Phil, because he's manhandling Dan between his legs now. Dan is coaxed into sitting with his back pressed flush to Phil's chest, Phil's long legs bracketing his own, and Phil puts both palms flat onto Dan's torso. One on his chest, right above his heart; the other on his stomach. It's no more intimate than their nighttime cuddling, really.

"Dan," Phil says into his ear. Dan covers his own face with his hands, hiding from the softness he doesn't deserve. "Hey. Put your hands over mine, bear."

This time, Dan couldn't have possibly misheard it. There's nothing muffling Phil's voice and he's speaking directly into Dan's ear. It still doesn't seem like something that can happen, though, not right now.

Dan puts his shaking hands over each of Phil's and closes his eyes, his breaths still coming in ragged.

"That's good, there you go," says Phil. He's so soft, encouraging, warm, and it makes Dan want to start crying all over again. He digs his nails into the backs of Phil's hands a bit, but Phil doesn't complain. "You can feel me breathing against your back, right? Let's try and match it, yeah? Breathe in, one, two..."

As Phil counts and breathes deeply enough for Dan to feel the rise and fall of his chest, Dan does his best to emulate it.

By the time it's working and Dan's breath is starting to even out, Dan realizes that the breathing exercise Phil is guiding him through is his own. It's the one he brought home from therapy two years ago, the simple four-seven-eight that helped him fall asleep.

The realization makes Dan's breath hitch again. Phil makes a soft shushing noise, kisses the back of Dan's neck.

"Hey, what's the matter?" he murmurs, turning one of his hands over to link their fingers together.

"I just," says Dan. His voice feels hoarse, like he's been screaming for hours during a particularly frustrating game rather than just sobbing on his bedroom floor. "I don't know. Fuck. I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" Phil asks, bewildered. "What on earth are you sorry for? I'm the one who should be sorry, I was pushing you so much."

"I probably needed it." Dan sighs and rests his head back on Phil's shoulder. He smiles faintly when Phil's lips press against his cheek. "I'm usually better at. Y'know, talking. Feelings and shit. You're the one who sucks at it."

"Yeah, I do," Phil agrees easily.

Dan laughs, a little watery. "I'm having trouble with the idea that the man I fell in love with and spent a decade with is gone," he says, forcing a conversational tone so he doesn't back out of saying it. "And you're wonderful, you are, I still love you, but I keep. Waiting for you to know me."

"I do know you," Phil says softly. He's stroking over Dan's stomach with the hand not clasped in Dan's own. "Not the same way, maybe. But every day I'm here I know you a little bit better."

"I love you," says Dan, because he needs to, because the words are all he wants to say forever. "You don't have to say it back."

"Thanks," Phil hums. He kisses Dan's cheek again. "I'll wear the 'vibes' shirt if you really think I'll like it."

"You don't have to."

"I know."

Dan smiles and disentangles himself from Phil's koala grip just enough to rest on him sideways instead, his shoulder against Phil's clavicle and his legs thrown over Phil's thigh. "Hey. Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did," Phil teases. "But yes, you can ask a second question."

"So generous," Dan says dryly.

The smile Phil gives him is so open that Dan can't help smiling back, pressing their lips together for a moment.

Phil plays with his curls and holds his hand and Dan knows that, even if Phil isn't ready to say it, there's love in every motion. It's not exactly comfortable here on the floor, but Dan will manage. The conversation has the potential to be very, very important.

"The breathing thing," says Dan. "Where did you... learn that?"

"Oh," Phil says, surprised, like that's the last thing he expected Dan to ask. He thinks about it for longer than he normally would and then just gives Dan a helpless shrug. "Dunno."

Dan's heart thuds so loud he expects a complaint from their neighbours about all the noise.

"I taught you that," he tells Phil quietly.

The way Phil's face lights up makes the entire night worth it.

It's not like a dam break. It's barely like a leaky tap. Every once in a while, Phil will just know something that he can't remember learning. Dan tries not to let himself be disappointed by every day that passes where Phil doesn't look at him and think, oh, there he is, that's the man who said he'd marry me five years ago and hasn't brought it up since. Instead, Phil gives him small moments, calls Dan's family dog by name and doesn't realize he's done anything extraordinary at all. It's not enough, because Dan doesn't think anything will be enough unless Phil remembers everything, but. It's a start. And he is so fucking grateful for it.

Phil's fingers have been carding through Dan's curls absently for several episodes of Adventure Time, and Dan has completely melted into his side from the gentle attention. Their legs are tangled together where they're curled up on the sofa in each other's pyjamas and Dan's tea has long since went cold while Phil's empty mug sits beside it.

The lounge is only lit by the screen, quiet but for the tv and the sound of Phil's huffs of laughter, and Dan feels so very safe.

"I'm sorry that I fucked up the other day," he murmurs during a set of end credits, not looking away from the screen. Phil's fingers pause in their quest, but only for a moment.

"What do you mean?"

"I shouldn't have gotten so upset," says Dan. "I know you're doing your best."

"I am, but you're still allowed to wish things were different," Phil says, easy, like it's just a fact and not something that Dan has been wrestling with for weeks. "I don't take it personally if you do think of me as, like, two separate people. I kind of am. It sucks."

"Phil Lester, everyone," Dan hums, rubbing his thumb in circles over Phil's knee. "King of talking about his feelings. 'It sucks', 2019. Groundbreaking."

Phil giggles and presses a kiss to the side of Dan's head while shoving at him in the same breath. "Shut up, rat. Like you're any better."

"I am," Dan says, defensively.

"Really?" asks Phil. Dan imagines that an eyebrow is being raised, but he doesn't turn to confirm it.

"Yeah, really. Been to therapy for years, mate, not nearly as repressed as you."

"I'm not the one who kept everything here -" Phil taps at the centre of Dan's chest, "- until it all exploded. And it's like pulling teeth to get you to talk about yourself in a way that's not all self-deprecating and sounds like a comedy routine."

"Ooh, shots fired," says Dan, pulling Phil's hand up to his mouth to kiss each of his knuckles. He gets to Phil's ring finger and hesitates. "You asked me to marry you, y'know."

He keeps his voice quiet, casual, because he doesn't want to make a big deal out of any of this.

Phil inhales rather sharply but doesn't sound upset when he asks, "Did I? When?"

"Oh, ages ago," Dan says vaguely. "Neither of us were actually ready for it. Or maybe I wasn't ready for it and you were just an incredible boyfriend. But I said yes. Yes, but not right now. Yes but later."

"That doesn't surprise me. You procrastinate a lot."

"Hey," says Dan. There's no real protest in it. He keeps looking at the colourful, cute animation on screen and lets his newly built walls break down a little. "Yeah, I do. It was more than that, though. I was still so scared of what it would mean to be married to a man, y'know? And - have I told you about my parents?"

"Dan," says Phil. "You've told me exactly nothing about yourself unless I'm involved or you're trying to make me laugh."

That's probably true. Dan has been nervous to open up too much to Phil, so uncertain of how he reacts to things now. Not to mention how vulnerable it makes him feel to talk about himself when he knows everything about Phil.

"There's a lot I still don't want to talk about," Dan says, playing with Phil's hand. "Because I don't want to get into it all right now, you're not my therapist. But my parents' marriage wasn't working. Probably ever, to be honest, but especially around the time you asked me, because. That's the same time we were finding so much success, you and me, and my mum was actually getting - like, proud of me. For once. And he hated that, because I'm a shit son and all."

"You're not," Phil says, the interruption gentle.

"You don't know that," Dan points out. He's still smiling, though. Phil can always make him smile. "I am a bit of a shit son."

"You're not, and I know you're not," says Phil. "Because I see how you are with my parents. You've got them wrapped around your finger, y'know."

Warmth spreads through Dan's whole body, making his toes curl and his smile deepen. "Okay. Maybe I'm a shit son and maybe I'm not. Point is, me being, like, successful and happy was the nail in the fucking coffin for them. They couldn't see eye to eye on so much, and he was always - I mean, I don't talk to my dad anymore," he sums up.

"Ever?" Phil asks, and there's the genuine surprise that Dan's been so afraid of. Dan nods. After a moment, Phil makes a humming noise. "You must have a good reason for that, then. And I bet you didn't want to get married the same time your family was falling apart like that, huh?"

Dan breathes out, relief in his lungs and fondness seeping out of his very pores. "I. Yeah. I wasn't sure you'd get that."

"I do understand emotions, you know," Phil teases, kissing Dan's ear. "I'm not a robot."

"You sure?" Dan hums, leaning up to catch Phil's lips for a proper kiss. He taps Phil's lower lip with his finger once he's pulled back. "Mm, yeah, not metal."

"You're so stupid," Phil says. Affection drips off every word. "Tell me more about you, Dan. Real stuff."

And Dan does.

Dan wakes up to the smell of maple syrup and coffee, right under his nose. He blinks one of his eyes open, bleary.

"Morning, sunshine," Phil snickers, holding a plate and a mug up for Dan's sleepy inspection. "Made you breakfast. Wanna eat here?"

"Mm," Dan grunts. He rubs his palms over his face and taps his cheeks a bit, trying to wake himself up faster. He sits up with a big yawn and smiles up at Phil. "What'd I do for breakfast in bed?"

"Someone hasn't learned how to read a calendar," says Phil. He puts Dan's mug on his bedside table and hands him the plate.

"Oh," Dan says, his smile growing slowly. "It's that day, is it."

"It's that day," says Phil, dropping a kiss to the top of Dan's head. He's smiling back at Dan, his eyes crinkling with the lines that Dan loves seeing, no matter how Phil feels about them now. "I gotta go get my own waffles, I didn't wanna try and juggle."

"Probably smart of you."

"Yeah. I'll be right back, babe." Another kiss, this one to Dan's dimple.

Dimple obsession. Pet names. Wanting to be romantic. These are the things that Dan hopes will keep, if Phil is ever miraculously the same person he was Before.

Dan waits for Phil to climb into bed with him before he starts eating. He tells Phil all about it, the day that changed their lives a whole decade ago, while they sip their coffee and press their syrupy lips together.

It's a really, really, really good day.

#phan #phanfic #phanfiction #dnp fic #words words words

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o-blivia · 5 years

Text

... Five Years Later

I never set out to start an aesthetic blog, for as much as I’ve been curating one for the past half decade and counting. This whole thing started with the idea to start collecting images from around tumblr that sparked ideas for various writing projects without cluttering up my hard drives. It shouldn’t have been so surprising that not long after starting this habit, a cohesive, if eccentric, aesthetic began to emerge. There are a few well worn grooves in my mind when it comes to my artistic vision, I guess.

That vision has expanded and refined over the years, and curating o-blivia has become a project in its own right — independent of anything I’m writing even if it’s still a well for inspiration. And in this respect, o-blivia is meant to be more than an aesthetic, though it is that. Through imagery alone, I’ve been carving out something of a cyberpunk future. With that ever in the back of my mind when I sit down to tackle my queue for the day, a loose set of internal guidelines has developed for what does and doesn’t get posted. Figured it was time I expanded on them a bit, maybe involve you all in the process.

Firstly, the world is a complex, multifaceted place and I’ve always wanted o-blivia to reflect that in ways most cyberpunk works can’t while telling a specific narrative. That’s why it probably seems like I jump around a lot. Eclectic is a word for it, but it’s more the idea of presenting a rounded vision. In someways, this is my answer to where or how ordinary people are supposed to exist in the Cyberpunk Future(tm). Mainly, right mixed in with the mercs, cyborgs and basement hackers. Everybody’s gotta live somewhere.

Secondly, representation. Representation is achingly important. I’d hardly be the first to accuse the visual media in this genre of being whitewashed (blade runner, I’m looking at you,) nor to point out the absurdity of a globalized future lacking in diversity, and I’m not going to claim to be the first to refuse to perpetuate the tendency, either. It certainly wouldn’t reflect the world I live it. They call my country a cultural mosaic and my city a melting pot, so I’ve set myself the task of creating an equally rich fictional world — because we are the better for all our differing perspectives.

The thing about representation is it doesn’t mean shit if it isn’t done respectfully. It isn’t as though marginalized groups have been completely absent from media for the last century. The context in which they’ve been represented has been racist, demeaning and beyond disrespectful in much the same ways they’ve been treated in real life. Society is changing, and — albeit at a glacial pace — coming around to the idea that white people and their stories are not the universal default. For the longest time, there was next to no diversity in the cyberpunk tags on Tumblr. It’s gotten better, but I still feel that I have to put that extra bit of effort into finding and including images representing diverse groups in respectful, empowering and humanizing ways.

On the subject of representation and respect, I have to talk about my biggest peeve when it comes to cyberpunk Tumblr: the way women are portrayed, or the goddamned tactical bikini. Cyberpunk has a litany BAMF women characters, yet the art has remained firmly entrenched in trends that originated in the 80’s. The tendency is to have these big hulking male power fantasies decked head to toe in body armour and leather, while their female counterparts take up literally half the space, showing up to combat in daisy dukes and a bikini top wielding a big fuck-off gun like that’s how any sane person would show up to a gunfight.

There is nothing inherently shameful about the female body, I want to make that painfully and abundantly clear. My issue is not with how much skin is showing. No, my issue is that these images are meant to specifically portray women as sex object. The only conclusion you can come to is that these women have put appealing to the male gaze above bodily safety, which is beyond insane. So my rule when it comes to women with guns is that if she’s dressed in a way that is realistic, or that I could easily find a man similarly dressed, I will post it. If she’s dressed for a day at the beach instead of heavy combat, that shit is not getting anywhere near my blog.

That said, context is very important. So yes, I will post images of more provocatively dressed women if the context is right. Mainly, if she isn’t about to go into combat and the image is empowered. There is the odd exception, namely Tank Girl, who wields her sexuality like a weapon and pushes limit of provocative into the realm of raunchy with the intent to offend and scandalize. (She’s my hero.)

And above all else, on this blog, women are the default and not the other way around. So you will see at least as many, if not more women than men here. No, I don’t feel bad about it.

Lastly, it’s important that I address the depictions of violence and militarization that appear on o-blivia. It might seem incongruous with opinions I’ve expressed in the past, and with my own experience with gun violence, to have these depictions feature on my blog. I’m not a pacifist, even if violence is not something that I feel lives inside of me in anyway. Neither do I believe it realistic to expect a species as divisive and opinionated as we are to be capable of abandoning conflict and bloodshed any time soon. Someone is always going to find some way to be crueler, to inflict more suffering and pain, which means there needs to be someone to stop them.

I never set out in my mind to create some kind of utopian future — that’s not what cyberpunk is about by anyone’s definition. So to omit the presence of militarized forces, the threat of violence, or the realities of omnipresent surveillance would be disingenuous and would, I think, undermine what I am trying to create. That said, I don’t seek to glorify violence, either. I don’t post images of firearms on their own, even if the image would fit the aesthetic, and I don’t post images where proper trigger discipline is not being respected. Guns exist, theres no way around that, but they should be treated with the trepidation and caution due to a device capable of ending a life between one heartbeat and the next.

Other than that, it’s pretty much anything goes. I’m an open minded person with varied interests — technology, fashion, abstract art, architecture, videogames, cats, sea creatures, space, design, weird creepy things and street art, are just a few regularly occurring themes. Who knows what will spark my interest tomorrow.

#cyberpunk #post cyberpunk #aestethic #sci-fi #scifi #science fiction #i put way too much effort into this #o-blivia

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praecipiopatronum · 5 years

Text

A love-letter to rp

So! I’ve reached 500 followers today, which is absolutely insane!

I wanted to write something on the topic of the hp rp community for a while, but never really had the time/emotional capacity, and I don’t have much of it today either, but it’s a well enough opportunity to do it anyway. It’s gonna be a little sappy and very personal, but I’m someone who thinks a lot about their own mind and this is where it got me. Also it’s TMI-tuesday, so buckle up!

I am still fairly new to this community, started in /checks profile/ April. (I could have sworn it was longer). I don’t know a lot of people, though I’m slowly expanding the list of people I follow and get in contact with and there are a lot of amazing creators here to be added. So many brilliant writers, impressive actors, actual shapeshifters... It can be intimidating. It definitely was for me. I saw you guys supporting and celebrating each other and I really wanted to be a part of that, because there are literally no limits or bars here that you need to meet. You don’t have a uniform? Casual clothes it is, then! You don’t have a wig? Fuck it, what is canon hair anyways? Got no binder? Who cares? You are still a valid and included member of this community and that’s mindblowingly beautiful to me, who’s seen the competitive sides of cosplay in various forms.

I’ve always admired creative people. People with a passion. I don’t care about the value of a production, I want to see the spark in your eyes when you talk about it! I want to see how much you enjoy what you’re doing! And boy, do you guys deliver!

This goes for me, too. I love to create. My mind is spinning stories and making up scenarios 24/7 and I like that about myself. The problem is getting it out. I have a history in creative outlets, including acting on stage in amateur productions, writing wholeass plays for those productions, writing fanfictions, shooting videos. All of these are great and fullfilling in one way or another, but there’s always a downside.

Acting in groups means compromising. Right now, it also means traveling a lot for rehearsals in a different city. It’s expensive and draining. Sadly. Writing for these groups ended up being a chore, because my love for writing was overshadowed by the task when it came to plays on topics I wasn’t invested in. Writing fanfictions is easily the most ungrateful fanwork, with minimal recognition and when you feel like no one is reading what you write, you start asking yourself why you even bother? I also lack the stamina to write the full length fanfictions my mind comes up with. I’m not a native english speaker and will never be as good as the writers that are and that discourages me. More to that later. Shooting videos and pictures was the best outlet so far. I got to work on more stuff just for me, stuff I like doing and that made me happy. But it’s also hard to shoot a video and act in front of the camera at the same time. And bigger projects require a lot of planning and scheduling and when all your friends literally live at the other side of the country or in different countries. I don’t want to plan, I just want to create. I want to portal to friends, I want them to magically have time, I want some time on my own -which I literally never have- and I want to be able to control my camera x-men style, with the power of my thoughts only.

All of that is obviously never going to happen, this is why I love this form of creativity here so much. I don’t have to write down every single thing for an online. I don’t have to write down shorter threads that I’m doing on my own. I don’t need a shit-ton of planning, I just get into costume whenever I have the time, whenever it suits my schedule, and then I create! Absolutely mind-blowing!

I pay a lot of attention to details. Backgrounds, costumes, I’m a sucker for the little things that in the end, half of you don’t even notice. And I want things to be perfect. I have this really high standard for literally everything I do, that doesn’t count for anyone else, just for me. I need to know that I gave something my best shot and with every other creative outlet before, I didn’t feel like I did/do them justice. I always feel like it’s not good enough or I could have put more effort into it, I constantly strugge to meet my own expectations. (I want to stress that this does in no way go for others. I don’t judge based on “quality”, I don’t judge based on ressources. I’m not trying to “raise the bar” -which I’ve been told in tags that I do-, the only person who needs to impress me, is me. Anybody else: If you love what you’re doing, that’s absolutely enough and I love you for doing it!)

Anyway: Here, it’s easier. The limitations to this format give me a different goal. I don’t have to think about different camera angles, filling time with beauty shots, camera movement, because those don’t exist here. I don’t have to worry about correct pronounciation or my accent, because they don’t exist here. I can’t compare myself to people coming up with the most extravagant phrases and vocabulary that’s just far enough from day to day language for me to know it but not think of it myself when writing narration, because most narration is done visually here! Emotions, inner struggle, everything translates via acting only and I’m absolutely loving it!

So thank you for this community. Thank you for this opportunity. Thank you for including me. The interactions and feedback here mean the world to me and I have so much planned that I can’t wait to get to once my offline-life lets me. Collaborations with people I’ve grown not only to admire but genuinely love. Special shout-out to @softsiriusblack and @the-moon-and-stars-my-love, who put up with literally all my angsty bullshit and have been nothing but kind and supportive.

I’m still anxious every time I dm someone about literally any kind of collab. I’m still incredibly nervous every time I send someone a script. I’m still awfully scared whenever I post any content, but I’m getting there and the soft landing within this community that follows after every tiny or huge leap of faith, is a blessing.

Thank you.

One more thing, that’s less related to the hp rp community itself: This is the first time I added they/them pronouns to any online bio. I always only went for she/her, which is still fine, I guess, but I’ve been struggling with gender a lot lately, trying to know myself better and I thought: Where if not in a majorly lgbtq+ community on tumblr, just to kind of “try it on”. And it feels pretty incredible that you all immediately used it. Because it feels kinda nice.

So, another thank you for that <3

#hp rp community #tmi tuesday #personal #creativity #congratulations to the three people who actually read the whole thing #sorry for rambling and wasting your time xD

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twiddlebirdlet · 5 years

Text

Post Digest

I had so many posts yesterday, and I could not possibly answer them all in this lifetime. My apologies for not addressing these, but here they are.

The words belong to the anonymous original writers. They do not reflect my opinions. My posting of them doesn’t imply any endorsement.

· Anonymous said:

Chris really is trash for ruining another relationship maybe him and Jordyn woods can join the home wrecker club

· Anonymous said:

Mood, give up. People will blame you, the girl, the weather, everything but Chris, who could have easily avoided any assumption by not taking the pics. Pics with kids, pic of dog, hospital visits, videos for sick children all this is good PR and he used in the past. But where is the good on taking pics with dancers? They were not fans. He is not helping to make them being respected or less objectified. He is not bringing any discussion about their work conditions to the table.

· Anonymous said:

People saying this is nothing how do they explain her boyfriend deleting all of her pix? If it was nothing if she wasn’t with him why is boyfriend reacting that way?

· Anonymous said:

That girl was so completely lusting after Chris in her pics and posts that I think she absolutely would jump out of her current relationship if Chris so much as blinked her way. She was going to go anywhere he was. I will wait to see what happens but it looks like Chris may have made another poor decision. Why is this man so intelligent in some things but when it comes to women he is just so way off? If he thought SSH was bad, just wait for a young social media millennial. Disaster.

· Anonymous said:

Bella & her bf are still following each other on Instagram. Maybe he deleted those photos of her as a way of protecting her? Maybe he didn't want to make his Insta private & thought this would be a better way of doing things. In any case, he doesn't seem angry enough at her to unfollow her. But I don't think they broke up before the Chris thing, as he still had their professional couple photos up & they were still posting gushy comments to each other. So it's still weird and suspicious.

· Anonymous said:

What is up with Chris and taken women

· Anonymous said:

So I guess Chris really is a home wrecker

· Anonymous said:

I just want to say thank you for all the information you're providing about this whole Chris situation. I'd rather have the full (or as full as we can get it) story with all the pieces together so I can make up my own mind what to think, vs bits and pieces and people misreporting information that they heard third hand, etc. So your summary post with receipts was very much appreciated by me.

· Anonymous said:

To me the whole intern thing just seemed like she was trying to be linked to him judging by the times the ig pics went up. I guess everyone has their own opinions I know people who have basically said it was nothing and refused to talk about it but if it was someone else they would be all over it. It seems with him people pick and choose what issues of his they want to discuss. All of just seemed iffy especially know knowing that her bf deleted her pics. Hope you're have a lovely day.

· Anonymous said:

I’m worried about the people worried about your health. They’re so invested in this celebrity that they are policing your blog. He’s a successful, famous actor. He has a whole team of people to handle this. And, none of those people are contacting you...

· Anonymous said:

I don't get anons coming in here and complaining that you answering asks about the saturday night events is somehow blowing this thing up and causing drama. This anon should go to twitter where there are accounts that tag CE, JS, enty and provoking more and more ridiculous accusations, including Chris roofying Bella's drink etc. Twiddle at least sticks to things we can prove so if you wanna complain, go there and set these people straight. They make real damage not anonymous tumblr

· Anonymous said:

The boyfriend could just be fed up with her throwing herself at ce and then getting comments forcing him to go private. That would be enuf for a 20 yr old in a long distance relationship. Doesn’t mean she is shaking up with ce. He’s too paranoid to do that

· Anonymous said:

From what I've seen on Twitter, there's a little bit of talk about the burlesque aspect of it (mostly "Ugh, you're all such prudes, get over it!") but no one seems to be picking up on the intern part of it except for like 3 people. I'm torn. I kind of want to see him get shit for this, because he was very stupid and irresponsible, but OTOH I'd hate to see what kind of PR crap his people will pull up to distract everyone. A PRomance with Brie Larson, perhaps.

· Anonymous said:

Just a funny coincidence but it appears her (ex) bf and Chris share the same birthday lol. But either way not looking good. We can only speculate but it looks like her ex bf/bf didn't like her behavior towards him or something really did go down. 🦊

· Anonymous said:

I think everyone needs to accept their portion of responsibility in this situation. The people that harassed or contacted the interns, the girl and the performers need to respect boundaries. I understand you posts Anons, but you also decide which and how many. Yesterday you provided a platform and it had consequences, people felt emboldened and crossed lines. I think everyone can learn from this experience and correct their future behavior.

· Anonymous said:

So you keep saying your not sure if mark was there when multiple people keep saying he was.YOU keep saying that the pics were taking at the same or about the same time but theres no proof that they were. YOU keep putting out info that isnt accurate or just coincidental. that girl bf realise his gf is a thirsty ass and she got what she got but it doesnt mean anything happen between her and chris. NOTHING HAPPEN WITH THE INTERN STOP SPREADING SHIT!!

· Anonymous said:

I think the bf just wanted people to stop harassing him about her so he did that instead of privatize. Seemingly less like a breakup.

· Anonymous said:

It’s possible and probable her boyfriend deleted any pictures of her/them because he was tired of being harassed and getting bombarded with comments. He still follows her. He could have just muted the comment section, but maybe he was hoping by doing that it would help this all die down, and for people to lose interest. Which is laughable, because this particular fandom has a hard time letting go. Either way, I don’t necessarily think this is the beginning of a new relationship for Chris.

· Anonymous said:

Sending you love! I truly enjoy your blog and your commentary. What you wrote about your struggles with OCD resonates with me (I had anxiety issues as a teenager. Mild in comparison to some, but they dominated my life). I will try not to clutter your inbox from now on, but, please know you are appreciated and I love the discussions we have here.

· Anonymous said:

I think that putting the blame on this or other blog is a total waste of time. You know what would have avoided all this? Not taking those pics. How hard would be for him to STOP doing something that is doing no good to him? As you said, nothing positive comes out of this. He is not attending the ask of a cute kid. He is not visiting a hospital. He is helping a club to promote their name, something totally uncessary for an actor who reached his fame.

· Anonymous said:

The intern thing didn't make the rounds in the internt, but the meeting with Dan Creshaw did. Chris is being criticized for that and for the twitter interaction.

· Anonymous said:

Oy, its looking like she really did risk it all. Dumb childish mentality, what did anybody honestly expect from this situation? That poor boyfriend.

· Anonymous said:

I don't think it's a proof that something happened between her and Chris but for sure her bf (probably now ex) didn't aprove her behaviour and probably he thinks that some limits were crossed. I have to admit that I would not like to have a bf acting like that around a famous woman or any other woman and leaving traces in SM which is worse. I really, really hope that Chris is smart enough to stay away from that or another kind of fame will get attached to him besides the "f*ck boy" image.

· Anonymous said:

WHOA! Deleting all her pics? Does that mean Chris successfully ruined another relationship??? Whuut!?

· Anonymous said:

You are very kind and your head is definitely on straight. You’re less of an “opinion” blog and almost more of a news blog anyways. Don’t listen to the haters. You aren’t being overly invested, cruel, silly, or anything else. I’ve always found you to be fair.

· Anonymous said:

I looked at mark’s following list and he followed one other intern (a girl) who was also in the city but didn’t post from the box!

· Anonymous said:

Tbh, good for her bf-her behavior (the comments) were completely inappropriate IF in a relationship, long distance or not. Unbelievably disrespectful to him. Hope her thirstiness was worth losing a relationship and (maybe) an internship. I am several years older, but there is no way I would have behaved that way during my college internship. Morality clauses apply to personal time as well.

· Anonymous said:

Omg he deleted every pic with her. So now we know for sure that something happened that night lol

· Anonymous said:

And now apparently twitter thinks harpy was there with Chris and they're back together. Oh for fuck's sake!

· Anonymous said:

It's funny because many Chris instagram fan accounts just share the pic of him and the black singer/stripper but skip posting the other with the women group with clothes close to the nothing that they find I guess too trash for share with their followers in saying Chris with a fan in NYC without details.

· Anonymous said:

In the name of everybody sorry for the large number of asks we sent you and the tiredness we,people agree or not agree, have caused you. We don't think when we send you an ask that you will receive many, everybody, after seeing one and your answer, wanting share their opinion about what an anon or you said even if it's for exprime our agreement. It's a circle without end. I hope you had a good night. Let's forget that,this girl is history now,the fire is extinguished now. Kiss

· Anonymous said:

I've been seeing this gifset on my dashboard lately from Chris' interview captioned "I'm smarter than I look". No idea if the quote is real because I've never seen this particular interview but I think given the turn of events of the past few days it's appropriate to say "no, Chris, you aren't" LOL

· Anonymous said:

Ok, I can't believe I'm saying this, but this whole messy situation really turns me off. I've always known Chris isn't a saint, that he's NOT Steve Rogers irl, going to clubs like The Box is not a new thing for him, but he should've known better. I want to believe he's not that dumb, but he's THAT dumb. This is really upsetting and I'm so disappointed. After all those good days working on a serious project in DC, does he really not care about his image being sleazy like that? Damn it, Chris.

· Anonymous said:

So Chris alone went to greet the dancers? From what Manuel submitted, that’s what it seems like. She wasn’t there with him and his friends exactly, but somehow found out where they were and met up with them? I’m so over talking about this. Idk how you’ve done this all day Twiddle. My bedtime prayer is dedicated to you tonight.

· Anonymous said:

Thank you Twiddle for taking your time to answer here and on DM. I know you also do it so that you will be best informed to answer any questions here, we appreciate that some took the time to gather more information for the rest of us. It seems like at the end of these gossip we all end up confirming our first guest. I feel we shouldn't give this girl more room. My conclusion for the day is either he never thought that girl was that thirsty or he's really just dumb. I'm going with cute but dumb

· Anonymous said:

It's not a great look for him to be pictured at places like that, particularly when he's employed by a family-friendly company like Disney. He's been obsessed with protecting his image ever since he got the role of Cap. Btw, I am not surprised he goes to places like that but you'd think he'd be smart enough not to get his picture taken.

· Anonymous said:

Have people forgotten that one of these thirsty hanger-on types (just like this intern seems to be) is someone who sent a video of Chris to tmz? I mean, he wasn't doing anything bad-just partying it up after a super bowl and he looked like a drunk frat boy. But even that got a dodger pic response. My point is that he should be smarter about people around him, especially when he's drunk.

· Anonymous said:

Denying pics comes with its own risks. You don’t want to piss people off because that can have its own dangers. This has happened with other celebs. There have been several occasions where his pics have been in return for free bottle service or other perks. I am not saying that is the case here though. Not trying to argue with you mod, just saying it’s not black and white. A lot of mistakes were made here and the worst part is how avoidable it was. But most seem to hinge on Bella’s actions. 🐩

· Anonymous said:

Mark follows a few of the interns from DC, 2 of whom (Bella & another woman) posted from NYC Saturday night & this evening. Also a few of Mark's friends are NYC as well. It's not far fetched that going to The Box was his idea. Also Mark would've needed to make a reservation to ensure they got in.

· Anonymous said:

I think you hit the nail. What Chris gets from taking those pics? For sure he is being polite and the people involved get happy but taking how society works and how many people think and what they can do with that information, he got nothing good on posing for those pics. And saying that is just pointing out and realising how society works. People are hypocrite and mysoginist.

· Anonymous said:

I feel you on the eating away at your Sunday. It’s not my blog and even *I* can’t believe how much time I’m devoted to this, much less the swamp you must be dealing with. Really appreciate your views and your time. I feel so silly that I’ve gotten so caught up in it but it’s like a car accident you can’t turn away from. Get some rest and lots of love. 🐩

· Anonymous said:

People been posting Info but clearly no one believes it. That tree anon mention it.

· Anonymous said:

People who are saying Mark was there and that she was there with a group of friends are just assuming as much as anyone else who says Chris and the girl were there with each other. The only thing we know for sure is that they were both on the same place, at the same night, around the same time, after meeting the day before. We can't deny that.

· Anonymous said:

I’d like to say this girl blew her chances but this is the same guy who gave MK & JS multiple chances despite their fame whoring ways. Whatever it is it won’t last long but I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re seen together again. Too bad. His political project was exciting. Now it’s tainted because he’s proven what a lot of people thought of him to be true.

· Anonymous said:

You need to let it go now. This is a non story. It’s looking more like two separate trips were in the works and it was a “oh hey us too maybe we’ll see you we were thinking of checking out this club” now apparently you think because he’s ancient and she’s an impressionable child and burlesque shows are akin to live porn he should have shut it down. But those of us in the common sense world see this for what it was. Which is a giant nothing. So tip to TMZ. Guarantee they will think the same.

· Anonymous said:

For gods sake. Read and post my second ask to you. Stop all this madness. Yes they know each other. That is it. They were at same club and of course hung out a little. So what They met at first dc meet I think. He was nice to her She was nice back. Nothing wrong with people meeting and being cool. Even if famous

· Anonymous said:

Maybe I should rewrite this but Your acting as they were they in DC together. They MET and photographed but wasnt there together as Your wording puts it. Like I said you dont know of they were backstage together. Pics can be upload at any time of the night . Your just jumping to conclusions like everyone else.

· Anonymous said:

The way some of you talk about women is so damn depressing ugh this fandom is on one today.

· Anonymous said:

Liked what the PR/crisis anon mentioned, that it's wrong to think Chris was uninvolved in JS and MK's stunts when he dated them. It's naive to think he is that helpless and easily controlled.

· Anonymous said:

What i really don't understand is how chris could have been so so dumb and didn't think of the consequences. Also his pr underestimated the whole situation. The girl was blatantly seeking attention and a story to tell, and any person with a brain would have got the danger of the all situation. I know that he loves partying but he was so superficial i can't even put into words. In my opinion the project has been hurt by this and everything happened today showed that.

· Anonymous said:

2/2) as if he wanted to do that. I doubt he asked, but was asked to do it. 3) The girl jumped on the chance to go backstage after the invitation and took the pic. 4) People put the pieces together because the girl was thirsty the day before and liked the attention she got from her friends but now there is a chance she ruined the trip a little as people ran to protect their privacy.

· Anonymous said:

I think if Chris wants to be taken seriously in what ever he decides to do. He needs to grow up and act his age and stop drinking as much and hang around different people that includes his friends from Boston. I feel most of his friends are just there for the ride including Tara. If he does ever get married she will have to trust him to no end.

· Anonymous said:

"it's not at all weird for people here on a blog that is predominantly about Chris to talk more about chris' antics than about anyone else's. It doesn't mean they're more worried or think what he's done is worse, it's just that this blog is a place to talk about him more than anyone else. Nice try though." Nice try what? If you read the full ask, as Chris's fan, I'm more concerned that's he's doing publicity pics with treasonous Nazis than hanging at a burlesque show w/ an intern. But you do you

· Anonymous said:

Hi! Sorry for this question but I just don´t understand what is going on here with Chris and this intern? I try to scroll down your page but I still don´t understand what has happened.

· Anonymous said:

Some who don't have problem that Bella flies to NY and post the picture at the same place where was Chris was the first to be offend that Jenny posts pic when she was at the same place that Chris whereas she was dating him. Be careful anons I'm not a pro Janey but people were rude with her when it was normal(even if she trolled), she was spending time with his boyfriend but when another women did the same, without dating him, they think it's okay. Why?

· Anonymous said:

I'm genuinely curious about what kind of impression he was trying to make on her? like you wanna hook up with this chick & you're letting her know that you like to gawk at other half naked chicks in your free time? Unfortunately this will never blow up, if his PR team can bury homewrecker scandal then they can bury anything.

· Anonymous said:

He seems to unconsciously be attracted to attention-seeking women who view him as a prize. I wonder if it’s a defense mechanism to prevent him from entering a serious relationship? Also, seriously, why wouldn’t you just make it clear to her that she shouldn’t post their escapades on social media from the start? Has he learned nothing from the Jobby debacle????

· Anonymous said:

Okay, from her comments and that pose, that's a girl that has no problem pushing someone out the way to get noticed. Like the pic, the side she was on was trying to get four people in, compared to the 3 on the other, so they had to turn sideways. I can see her making sure she was the one next to him. She didn't have to put her hand on his shoulder or stomach. She was trying for his attention. Did she get it? Don't know. Don't really care, but that's a college-age Janey. Just want that fame.

· Anonymous said:

Now that there are pics of them together and seeing the way she's posing with her hands on his chest and shoulder (it is very reminiscent of SSH, isn't it? Which would hurt if I was js lol) taken with the comments from her and her friends, all I can say is YIKES. And also, SMH. I am not a prude and I actually like burlesque and have been to The Box and fully expected him to hook up with somebody in DC ~on the low~ but even I can say this is not a good look for him. This boy will never learn.

· Anonymous said:

I’d like to think that he’d cut all ties to Bella now the he’s created a PR nightmare for himself, yet again. But considering for almost 3 years he was involved with a woman who was married when they originally met & got involved, I don’t think he will care. At least Jenny was almost the same age as him. He’s looking like an upgraded version of Dane Cook. For anyone who doesn’t know, Dane Cook’s girlfriend is 19, they started dating when she was 18, but were “friends” before that 🙄🤢

· Anonymous said:

The more I see from this girl the more I think she’s just a thirsty very immature little girl. And has no idea what she could potentially cost Chris. But he’s not innocent as she found out where he was going somehow.. And then posted it everywhere. Him or his team should have warned them to be cautious. And once they arrived not continued to entertain them and allow them backstage. An adult would have said nice to see you I’m going over here goodbye. Just another dumb d*#k brain decision.

· Anonymous said:

Oh, man... the boyfriend. I didn't even think about him. Can you imagine if the situation was reverse and her bf was acting that way towards a famous woman? I can imagine myself on that situation and I wouldn't like it. Even if she was just joking, which i don't think she was just doing that, it would be disrespectfull. I hope he is not hurt.

· Anonymous said:

Tks for the clarifycation for don't hate the player. So the girl had no shame to run after a man who has close the double of her age just because he is famous. Not sure she is again with her boyfriend but if she is, he would be very happy. It's clear,even if Chris makes bad choices in women, he wouldn't do nothing with her, discretion level he couldn't count on her. 5min with him and she shared and tried already trash things.

· Anonymous said:

And Chris, wearing that Red Sox cap in NYC will bring you a lot of unwanted attention ;)

· Anonymous said:

He was probably advised to stay away from twitter or he decided to do that.

· Anonymous said:

"He doesn’t deserve to be placed on a pedestal. " Literally no personal should be put on a pedestal. NO ONE. Mothers, fathers, friends, siblings, celebrities, every single person does stupid shit or has 'problematic' opinions. If you place anybody (family, friends, celebrities) on a pedestal, you're only looking to get disappointed.

· Anonymous said:

Lets be real-Chris is charming, he is a schmoozer. He was working the crowd in DC. If you are nice to someone, than you get your interview. This time he snagged a desperate fan girl & hung out with her. Not the type of guy I would ever want to be involved with. I could not be w/ a guy that wanted to go to those types of clubs. I think SSH didn't like it either. If this is the life he wants to live he will either have to find a person ok with it, change or be single. 10 steps back for me.

· Anonymous said:

I think she is just a fan with a crush and people are reading into this way too much. I don’t think that’s her hand on his shoulder and the pose is also something we’ve seen in comic con pics. Her “way good friend lol” to means she is joking because he isn’t. The “don’t hate the player hate the game” is again joking and means don’t be mad at her because she got to meet him and her friend didn’t. Was there flirting ? Maybe but we know he does with everyone and she might thought it was just her.

· Anonymous said:

I don't know how publicits work. Do they keep track of the mentions of their clients in SM? I wonder if Chris' publicist is already checking the situation. TIME FOR A DODGER PIC IF YOU ARE READING HERE!!!!!

· Anonymous said:

I find it hard to believe Chris would use this venture to go fishing for a college aged hookup or girlfriend. He mentions age and sneaking into bars in that video, so he also knew her (Bella’s) approximate age. I have no doubt he gets plenty of action and isn’t a saint, but this truly seems like she is playing up something that doesn’t exist. I question her more than him here, again, because he knows this is an important project with “real life” important people, not hollywood actors.

· Anonymous said:

Chris seems so immature. I know we want to put the blame on Janey and MK and all the other girlfriends but honestly am I the only that thinks maybe it’s HIM who’s the problematic one? Idk I’m young so maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about lol

· Anonymous said:

All this shot is crazy. I’m know Chris is no saint but come on! At least let her be in her late twenties or early thirties! That’s nasty because she’s two years younger than me!

· Anonymous said:

I’m not down for slut shaming in any regard. If anything happened, Chris was most definitely down for it. I just think it was dumb on her part, because she posted about it. Any potential employers could see this as a red flag. They don’t want to deal with the fallout of an employee causing a potential PR scandal, especially in the political world. Like if she did this once, she’ll prob do it again. I don’t think she’s gunning to be Mrs. Evans, but she def wanted to party and maybe hook up.

· Anonymous said:

There was another video of him sending a message to a different person on a different day. I don't think the fact she ask him to do that means anything

· Anonymous said:

For someone who seemed smart enough to get near a HW star, she sure was pretty naive and had no clue on how this fandom work LOL

· Anonymous said:

But what damage could be done ? It’s not like he did something bad. There is no need to excuse his behavior because nothing illegal was done it’s not like he was caught with a 17 year old in a “massage parlour”. You guys also need to stop with this “he is almost 40” like he was supposed to stop having fun and living his life at 35. If you don’t like it fine don’t live YOUR life that way but don’t be mad at him for refusing to just settle and die because he is “almost 40” .

· Anonymous said:

Not be agree with the places Chris frequents doesn't mean we think he is Cap. I have enought to hear this explication, like we are too much stupid to make the difference between the actor and the role he plays. With the conversation we have here, the majority of anons aren't teenagers i guess. A lot of people don't feel comfortable with the sex industry(porno,stripclub or the one night stand). It would be my brother,my neighbour,my cousin,it's a vice we don't understand not naivety about Chris.

· Anonymous said:

I don't have much to say about this situation but I wouldn't be surprised if it does turn out to be something sleazy. I mean, this is a guy who had an affair with his married co-star and just a few weeks after she actually left her husband for him, he was going to strip clubs & she was tweeting about how that upset her. So he's not always a stand up guy. Mostly I find it funny that even when the girl is a young intern not in HW, she's STILL an attention seeking type. His picker is so broken.

· Anonymous said:

Well, Chris definitely has a type.

· Anonymous said:

I don't think that people are being judgemental but more worried about the consequences that this could create. Internet can make things scalate too quickly and even change the facts. But let's be honest. Chris is white, male, straight, rich. He will be ok. But he has to stop taking pics in those places. Remember when he was dating JS and he went to a certain place in Canada? No pics, people left it behind. That's the right thing to do. No pics, so it's as if it didn't happen.

· Anonymous said:

Burlesque clubs in NYC are often listed in magazines as “things to do” in the city. They are seen as touristy activities. I can see a young girl being excited to go & asking for a hookup to get vip treatment. The place is not what you guys are making it out to be.

· Anonymous said:

Oh please. How should he have celebrated international women’s day ffs. This is starting to get ridiculous. Women. Including 20 year old ones are allowed to go to burlesque clubs. Get out of here with that comment. And if you’re going to invoke a feminist day maybe consider the fact that she went of her own volition? I mean this insinuation that he took a naive child to a strip club. It’s starting to get a bit unhinged up in here.

· Anonymous said:

Are we forgetting he got involved with a whole ass married woman? Lmao, this whole situation is not much of a stretch as people are making. I wish he’d grow up like all of you. He talks the talk of wanting to be a husband and father. He paints himself as a family man. Which yes, he is family oriented. But then he does things like this, which are unfortunately also on brand given his past. Megan, his publicists names I believe, better be getting paid time and half putting out these fires lol.

· Anonymous said:

Right but this is like barely a scandal. We’re just focused on it and there are some social media comments. So for all those saying he should be seen doing serious things umm he is? For the casual fan his serious image is 100% in tact. And my guess is will stay that way. This will blow over in 48 hours tops. It’s not getting any traction other than gossip corners of the internet. Being seen seriously doesn’t mean living like a monk ffs. He didn’t do anything wrong, y’all just dramatic and judgy.

· Anonymous said:

I think we can all agree no matter what the reality might be, the optics aren’t great. If him &his friend are trying to get this new project off the ground in DC, and hes being photographed in a burlesque club in NYC in the same vicinity as DC interns, the DAY AFTER giving interviews, the optics are awful. Politicians would be quick to distance themselves from their project and with those hes already met, potentially wouldn’t give him their time again, especially if their interns are involved.

· Anonymous said:

fans saying he should live his life however he wants-nobody is saying he shouldn't. But people shouldn't be naive enough to think that optics don't matter. They matter a lot.

· Anonymous said:

If the other interns were there they were smart not to post about it. Like that other anon said I imagine the people in D.C. will not be happy about this I’m sure there are social media rules about how to behave.

· Anonymous said:

Mark's been to The Box before, he's posted stories from his trips there.

· Anonymous said:

Some are ok to see a 38 years old man having habits in strip,nightclub and before Playboy party. Good. Some women don't like men like it!Chris or not Chris! I find it perverse,it's all. Frat boys aren't my type of men and great my man isn't like it. And i don't see Chris change when he will be married. There will always be a Mark or an Adam for ask him to go. Scott seems to enjoy trashy club but Zack too so they go as a couple. Maybe am i too prude 😒

· Anonymous said:

This truly blew up fast. Not a Pats fan, but a few years ago, Edelman hooked up w/ a girl he met out partying & she posted a pic of them in bed the next morning on Snapchat. I’m not saying that Chris hooked up with her, we will never know & honestly it’s no one’s business. But both situations definitely seemed opportunistic, but at least with this one people are holding Chris accountable too. The other girl got slut shamed majorly. Like girls, you don’t have to post everything on social media.

· Anonymous said:

Even if there were more interns there, even if Mark was there with Chris... if they went with the interns it's still not a good look. They are both near their 40's. It's a no to rang out with 20's, principally in that kind of enviroment that revolves around sex. This could be used to damage his image, his career, this could be used to damage their initiative about the political site. It just take one article or one tweet from a Trump supporter with many followers for that.

· Anonymous said:

She may or may not have been the only intern with him. She may or may not have ended up with him last night. This time it’s slipped on social media. Imagine all the other times it hasn’t! Disappointed if he’s on the same Leo, Cary Fukunaga and Jake train but are we surprised? Women around his age think differently, and clearly he’s not settling down this minute. Wonder what else would leak. I’ll be here with my tea and popcorn.

· Anonymous said:

This doesn’t look good, but at the same time I feel bad for this girl and her BF, fellow interns, friends, etc. Suddenly a rabid fan base is combing through their every move trying to play detective. I get the curiosity, I’m curious too, but I know how people overreact. And while most are fine, already people are crossing the line and commenting. Not a kick on you, just kinda crazy the lengths that some go to. I’m so glad I grew up without social media for most of my life.

· Anonymous said:

don cheadle once saying on a talk show that the cast of the avengers(including chris of course) all went to a burlesque bar in london. ALL of them. it's not a crime...or is it??? and as for that bella chick going wit him?? who the hell wouldn't go if we were invited? good for her.

· Anonymous said:

I feel that a conveniently timed Dodger video (or photo) is imminent. Or will we go really old school with a video for a sick child? Some sort of distraction from the current (I agree ,totally inappropriate) drama. Thing is that sort of tactic will only work for so long, less and less people will forget each time. While there's no problem visiting a burlesque club,hell I've been myself, it's the company you take to the club that should be more carefully considered. Not a smart move.

· Anonymous said:

Of course he has pr. But people don’t understand how pr works. He doesn’t clear every private dumb decision with them and ask for professional pr advice. He lives his life (and makes dumb mistakes clearly!) but typically a professional pr team isn’t involved unless it affects him professionally, like blows up into a scandal affecting his image and work. They don’t babysit his private life. We’re all fired up about it on our corner of the internet but we’re not really at a true scandal.

· Anonymous said:

People were rightfully dragging Cavill for dating a 19 year old.Chris went to a strip/ burlesque club with a young girl (since one woman posted about them on the birthday video we know they were there together) and there are people still thinking this is ok? (Not saying you do mood) He is stupid many times: one for doing it, one for thinking that is ok, one for leaving traces of it.Oh, wait.The girl is the one who left the traces. That remember me of someone else who used to leave proofs behind.

· Anonymous said:

Ok. I remember when him an Janey broke up, and a few weeks later he was in Houston for the Super Bowl. Him and his friends met some girls at a party, and he invited some of them back to the house with them. Some videos were uploaded. I don’t think this is that different. He went away for a trip, met a girl, and invited her along for the ride. More than likely this is nothing, and this girl is just being opportunistic. He really needs to pick ladies who can use discretion in the future.

· Anonymous said:

I think this is just an example of how celebrity image works. If you aren’t part of Chris fandom or gossip you have no clue. Just a basic google news search for him right now shows his DC rounds and Captain Marvel tweet. And that’s the image he wants to have (and I think genuinely does to a point). But isolated Instagram pics that don’t fit easily into a narrative are never going to get traction. Sure they’ll always be there because internet, but give it another week and it’ll barely be a blip.

· Anonymous said:

Chris is this guy who invite strangers during party/games night in his house or girls who his friends and him met to à bar for partying in friend's house(the tmz video after the end of round 1),it's seem to be how he is but he is the guy, in doing that who trust in everybody and after there are these kind of pic/video not flattering in not flattering place. I see some say he is single so he's enjoy it but he did it when he was with JS, her tweet where she was upset to his bf going to stripclub.

· Anonymous said:

This would not be blowing up if this bella girl had seemed to be in the company of the same friends at the box as she went to NYC with but that is not the case. Mark might have been with them too but why would this rocky lanes person only follow bella's IG and not Mark's too?

· Anonymous said:

All of this stuff is already on twitter and instagram tagging Chris, Megan and even Josh for some reason...

· Anonymous said:

Maybe i missed something, but what’s wrong with Chris taking pics in that club or wherever he was & why couldnt the girl(s) put the pic on her ig

· Anonymous said:

I haven't heard the video but the "my way good friend" comment seems like a joke. Like "this is my very famous friend who I just met and we're already close" And I think that if he denied those girls of taking a picture he'll be criticize, and considering what they work in and those outfits, seems to me like he ows them that little courtesy 🙄 cause

· Anonymous said:

My phone was acting weirs so I don't know if my last ask got through: this bella girl is in NYC with friends from DC and a guy named doug, who works in DC, and has also met Chris is with her. If you go through their IG stories they spent the day together but she is the only one of them to post from the box something.

· Anonymous said:

High end club or not, I checked the pic bellanovemberr posted with the women in her stories and their room seems cheap and have holes in the ceiling. It doesn't matter how expensive those places are, I always at least side eye how they treat women. Their employees deserve better and more respect.

· Anonymous said:

C'mon! It is one of the most exclusive night clubs in NY. I read the reviews of The Box on the web and there’s nothing wrong with attending such a place. It is not absolutamnete a local “hard”. as he quotes a review I found: “It��s definitely not a local hard if any of you are asking, it’s fun, crazy and weird … it totally reflects New York.”

And, maybe, it was the birthday video girl who invited Chris to go there.

· Anonymous said:

Do you think it’d be weird if Chris hooked up with a 20 year old...I mean look at Leo Dicaprio and his girlfriend

· Anonymous said:

Some people have serious problems with celebrities (here: Chris), pedestals, and managing their own fantasies and expectations. They build them up up up, and inevitably get SERIOUSLY broken hearted, hurt, and bitter, when the celeb in question obviously fails to live up to them. I mean, how can they? They're human, and almost never actually aware of these expectations. And I wish I could say that these fans are young and inexperienced, but a lot of them are adults, so...

· Anonymous said:

"Her IG is also followed by Mark Kassen, who is also in New York." Mark followed her the same day she posted that video.

· Anonymous said:

I'm not naive to think single/married man and other famous actors don't go to those places but how many of them have pics taken there? None. I checked the club and it's a sort of freak show club too and celebs are part of the customers. A Vanity Fair article mentioned some names. But no pics. So it doesn't stick with them. It can be said that it's hipocritical go there and refuse pics but it would be the best decision for his image. Let's bet he will post a pic of Dogder?

· Anonymous said:

Recently I came across this Don Cheadle interview on Seth Meyers, where he talked about him,Evans,RDJ,Hemsworth & Renner going to Burlesque club in London & nobody recognising them on street so I guess they all are into this kind of entertainment but only this guy is dumb enough to take pics

· Anonymous said:

That girl’s comment about SSH made me laugh! Hope he had fun at that burlesque bar! Establishments like those are sooo nice.

· Anonymous said:

The fact his boyfriend(ex now) deleted all the pics of her means himself discovered how is she is: at the same time she was dating him she doesn't have qualms to touch too much a man who has the double of his age, play like she said and pursue him in NY in a burlesque show, that imply naked women and alcohol when he was in far away of her. She didn't do all the things without have something in mind. She lost her boyfriend for have the attention of Chris for few hours. Well play girl.

· Anonymous said:

I don’t think that one who makes a happy birthday video like this to a girl for her twenties, surprising her age so young, then he decides to have fun with a girl of the same age or little more.

#twiddledigest

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fordarkisthesuede · 6 years

Text

At the Brink of Midnight - Chapter 6

It’s finally here! .ﾟ☆(ノё∀ё)ノ☆ﾟ. My tumblr and Ao3 updates will now be synchronized on the same day from here on out! As always, thank you for your continuous support!!!

(Read on Ao3 or continue below)

Chapter 6: Your Old Dark House

"You know, I'm surprised you didn't take the Batmobile last night," John commented as they rode the elevator up to the billiard room. He held his hands behind his back, loosely clasping his wrist with one hand, while standing completely straight and exuding an aura of unbelieving excitement. He smiled over at Bruce, light shining brilliantly in his eyes, looking every bit as charming as he had at the Stacked Deck.

"I thought it would be less conspicuous if I rode along in Jackie's car," Bruce offered with a light shrug. "I thought she was on our side..."

"I only ever saw her when she was tagging along in sessions now and then," John started smoothly, "but that was a woman whose hamster wheels were always turning. Just never quite knew what they were turning for..."

The elevator came to a halt, and Bruce pushed the section of wall open.

The parlor was barely lit and only slightly warmer than the cave. Bruce let John get out first, making sure the clock's wall shut firmly.

Bruce wanted to just make a bee-line for the door. He didn't want to look at the picture hanging above the mantle. His parents' kind eyes as they posed with him, the younger, innocent child that had no clue as to what they really did with their lives. The picture was taken two months before their assassination in Crime Alley, and Bruce sometimes wondered why his father didn't look more like the manic crime lord he turned out to be.

He couldn't find it in him to take it down. It was part of him, and it felt strange not to have their picture somewhere in the house, despite what they had done. It used to be a constant reminder to prevent senseless deaths like theirs. Then it became a reminder to be better than his family's name.

John seemed to scan the room, his excitement not waning in the slightest. "Wow, I knew it would be fancy, but... Still! Even have a family portrait!"

Bruce had a hard enough time looking at it. He certainly didn't want to talk about it, much less with the person his parents' would have undoubtedly disapproved of having in their home the most. "You haven't seen anything yet," Bruce said with as much charm as he could muster.

"Then lead the way, Lord of the Manor." John gestured his arms at the door, a small grin stretched on his pale face.

The foyer had strips of light coming in through the tall window above the door.

"Ha! It looks just like the pictures! Just, uh, darker."

Bruce felt his spirits lift at that. He figured it wouldn't hurt to switch on the light at the top of the stairs.

John winced and rubbed his eyes, but still seemed to instantly soak up the visuals. "Talk about classy. Just looking at all this makes me want to rob you," he joked, laughing a bit. "Just a little, though."

Just as Bruce suspected, John stood out in stark contrast to the color palette of the mansion. It was nice, seeing something so bright and lively in the otherwise empty space.

Bruce did agree to give a bit of a tour, despite what they had to do, and he figured the best way to get them both to move was to just start talking from the top. "So... Main kitchen's to the right of the stairs, in the back, dining room's through the second door across the hall..."

"Woah, woah - main kitchen? You have little sub-kitchens?" John grinned over, inching towards the staircase.

"No, just one other kitchen, on the far side of the house."

"Why does one guy need two kitchens?"

"It was either meant for long-term guests or live-in servants... I'm honestly not sure. There's a lot of rooms I don't bother going into."

"Ooh, let me guess!" John deliberately covered his eyes with one hand and posed with the other pointing up in the air. "I bet...you have a theater, and...a gym...and a conservatory!"

Bruce let out a slight chortle. "Got it in one. Though I do use the gym."

John pulled his hand away from his face, grinning triumphantly back at him. "I knew it! Don't think I haven't noticed you've been working out," he added with a look that Bruce felt was rather... flirtatious . "Miss the nightly excursions on rooftops?"

The usual awkwardness that came with John's honesty bubbled up; it was worse knowing that John had been completely right. Since giving up Batman, Bruce tended to work out until exhaustion, if just to give his mind the illusion that he was working like normal.

"Let's head upstairs - there's at least five closets for us to go through."

John laughed to himself as he started to ascend the stairs. "No need to feel embarrassed, Bruce," he said, humor weaved into his tone, "I get it."

"You're the only one who does."

John put a hand over his chest as he gave the billionaire a soft look. "Aww, Bruce! I'm touched..." He tore his gaze away to continue taking in the decor. "I hope the feeling's mutual."

Bruce wasn't sure what to say to that.

"Say, your Dad... He seems like he was the same height as you. Was he the same size as you, too? It's hard to tell from the pictures."

"I'm not sure," the former-vigilante answered honestly. "Alfred and I donated a lot of my parents' stuff years ago. There's only so much left."

"You have a sewing machine?"

Did he? Alfred was a man of many talents, including mending... He couldn't remember ever seeing a machine. "I know Alfred has a kit, but I don't think he has a machine."

"Hmm... No worries! As long as I can get my hands on some Stitch Witchery, we'll be good to go."

Was...was he planning on fixing something to fit him?

Bruce thought about telling him they didn't have time for that, but the reality was that they did. "Master bedroom's on the right."

"We're starting with your closet?"

"Might as well. Alfred's is off-limits."

"Naturally."

John's face lit up as they went through the bedroom's double-doors. Bruce didn't think there would be much to get excited about at first.

But then he realized he was letting John into the second most personal space he had. Few people had seen inside that room, and those that spent the night usually didn't find their way back inside afterward. Even fewer had the same observation skills John had.

It was strange, though, that John seemed to bypass everything in favor of the walk-in closet.

Or maybe he was being sneaky about where he was looking. It was hard to tell with him sometimes. It was why Bruce hadn't realized how much a "watcher" he really was until their conversation in the Fun House.

John immediately set upon going through the suits. "Let's see, black, dark blue, black, black - ooh, there's gray! Your spring color of choice!" He teased, grinning at him as he played with the sleeve between his fingers. "Have any suits you hate?"

Bruce blinked. "You can take whatever one you want, John. I'll get another."

John pursed his lips. "I'd feel bad if I took your favorite."

He was tempted to say that his favorite was downstairs, but it wasn't quite true. Or maybe he didn't want it to be true. "In that case, anything but the pinstriped black in the middle."

"...do you really trust me?" John asked carefully, flicking through the rack of carefully-hung suits. "Enough to do this again...? Work with you...?"

"Of course I do."

"Even though I messed things up?"

Bruce knew he had to choose his words carefully. John already felt - and looked - guilty enough. "We both messed up, John."

"But you didn't kill anyone."

He felt his heart squeeze at the thought and crossed his arms. "You've...come a long way since then." Bruce watched John's face carefully, trying to read him; his expression had softened. "Are you worried you're going to do it again?"

"Do you think Tiffany will?" He asked suddenly, turning towards him with a piercing, accusatory stare. "Or is it just me?"

"John -"

"No," he interrupted, his voice raised. "I want the truth, Bruce. Why did you let her go and put me back in Arkham?"

Bruce felt like he was aching all over. He hated seeing John like this. He hated feeling the stomach-gnawing guilt that came with it. But the only thing he could do was to be honest with him.

"It was the best way I knew how to help her. Putting her in Black Gate would have only made more problems for the Fox's. And...Arkham was the only way I knew I could help you." Bruce let everything come out, feeling like he was laying himself bare, and hoped to hell that John was seeing. "I didn't want to put you back in there. I had no choice." He breathed in, hating the angry hurt on full display on John's face. "I know what you two have done. But I also know you're trying to be better."

John sighed, his lean body slacking halfway. "You had seven months to tell me, Bruce. Lying by omission still counts as breaking our promise." He pouted slightly, glancing at the taupe suit he had been handling, and an unnerving smile broke on his face. "So you're going to make it up to me."

Bruce wasn't quite sure how to take that.

"I want one of your batarangs," John continued in a low tone that send a slight shiver up Bruce's spine.

Well... He did know how to use it. Neither of them knew what would happen outside, either. It could come in handy. And they did promise not to keep secrets, and he had a point, no matter how much Bruce could have protested that he had been going to tell him. Bruce supposed there was no harm in paying a penalty so simple. "...sure, that's fair."

"To keep."

"I'm not letting you take it back to Arkham."

"Of course not," John replied silkily, "You're going to hold onto it for me."

It was hard to guess exactly what John was thinking, asking for something like that. One batarang for putting the issue aside. He supposed John would never be able to get the rest of the Jokerrangs out of policy custody... "Fine. But just one."

John gave a mischievous grin as he reached into his pocket, pulling out a familiar sharpened bat-shaped tool. "Oh, good! That means I only have to give one of these back."

The vigilante's eyebrows rose to his hairline, staring at the batarang just being held out to him like a playing card.

"I know I should've asked, but like I said, you looked like you hadn't slept in a week, buddy," John said with a playful shrug. "Sorry."

Bruce nearly snatched the batarang back, glaring at the green-haired man.

John pulled the taupe suit off the hanger and folded it neatly over his arm. "I'm gonna need a couple of other things, too, now that I think about it..."

Bruce didn't know why he always ended back up in the parlor. Maybe it drew him in with it's natural coziness, despite the judgmental stares of his parent's picture. Maybe it was because it was the in-between for both sides of his life. (Used to be, he reminded himself.)

He'd left John on his own upstairs, who focused intently on his sewing project after a lengthy discussion about what Bruce had to order for him if he was going to step outside at all. At least it was easy enough for the warehouse to drone-deliver later.

But that had been an hour ago. Occasionally, he would hear movement from upstairs as John rooted around in the other four closets that might have held something for him to use. It had been silent for a little too long.

All Bruce had for noise for the past half-hour was the little blips from the drone he was controlling through the mobile gear he brought up from the cave. He'd flown around the city, checking up on Jackie's apartment (empty), the whereabouts of her car (unknown), and trying to find any sign of Crane's car (none) as he virtually sat outside the doctor's condo.

There had been no sign of life there - not so much as a twitch in the curtains, all of which were drawn shut. There wasn't so much as a desk lamp on inside, and at six-thirty in the morning, Gotham's penchant for cloud cover made it pretty dark. It was unlikely that Jonathan Crane was home, and Bruce was struggling to think of where he could have gone or what he was planning to do.

Arkham's server hadn't shown any key-card use for either him or Jackie Lant since the night before. Trying to track their phones came up as empty as they had the night before - likely switched off, but hopefully not dumped. Jackie Lant at least had a couple of social media accounts Bruce could cobble together information from; she had friends in the area, so she might have stayed the night at one of their places.

Bruce flew the miniature drone around the back of the condo again, parking it in the corner of the patio next to a cluster of potted plants by the tall fence. He and John would either have to pick the lock on the front door or jump the fences to break in the back way. For right now, he'd keep an eye on the back to see if there was any movement through the windows there...

A loud buzzing sound would have made Bruce jump if he were anyone else but himself, but it did shake him out of his thoughts. The gate's intercom was activated; he rushed to get to the panel by the front door and take a peek at the video, grateful that they couldn't see him.

Detective Bullock's round face glared at him from the driver's side of his unmarked Crown Victoria.

Bruce had expected as much. He didn't think Bullock would ever forget being punched in the face, even if it had been for a good reason at the time. He breathed in, willing himself to sound as just-woken-up as possible before pressing the call-button. "Yes?"

"Detective Bullock of Gotham City Police Department, Wayne. Open up."

Bruce feigned surprise as best he could. "Oh, sure - I'll be right down."

He pushed the button for the gate and rushed to strip and pull on the bathrobe he had thrown on the billiard table an hour ago, praying silently that John wouldn't pick now to make any indications he was in the house.

He waited a minute, knowing he shouldn't appear to rushed to see anyone, and took as many even breaths as he could before opening the door.

Detective Bullock was standing there with two armed officers, the Crown Victoria parked crooked in front of the GCPD squad car in the path.

"Good morning, Detective - officers," he added with a smile in their direction. "How may I help you?"

Harvey Bullock grimaced. "You'll do us a favor and cut the crap," he growled. "Your pal John Doe escaped Arkham Asylum sometime last night. You seen him?"

Bruce rose his eyebrows and let his shoulders slump. "He escaped?" He took a deliberate pause, pretending to search Harvey's face. "No... No, I haven't." (Bruce had blinked. He hoped Harvey wouldn't notice.)

"Right. Here's how it's gonna go, rich boy - we figure he's gonna try to get in touch with you, and seeing as how he's a homicidal lunatic-" Bruce felt himself frown before he could really stop the reflex - "we have to make sure we have someone around to stop your ass from getting sliced up. So officers Flemmot and Derming here will be keeping an eye on your place. We already have a couple guys situated on Wayne Tower, in case he tries there."

It was a perfectly sensible thing to do, despite it being a matter of public knowledge that Bruce took an active interest in Arkham's reformation and John's well-being after the Joker incident. Tabloids had run themselves ragged trying to dig up whatever they could in the first few months of Bruce's visits to the asylum, but Bruce had the sense of mind to pay the more talkative orderlies off before things would get too out of hand. He didn't care that people knew they were friends, considering what they knew already, but he didn't want any wild accusations to start flying. There was a couple of baseless theories in the trashiest rag about potential love affairs between the two, but one call from Bruce's lawyer cleared that up before anyone could say 'Wayne'.

Still, Bruce knew he had to feign some ignorance, if just to keep up appearances, so he put his hands in his pockets like he was being thoughtful. "You really think he'd try to go to Wayne Tower?"

"It's not a matter of what I think, moneybags." Bruce almost winced at the nickname. "It's a matter of what the commissioner thinks. And what he thinks is that either Doe or you are gonna do something stupid, given your guys' history. So you listen to me," Bullock growled, stepping up to get in Bruce's face, "If you so much as get a glimpse of your freaky little boy-toy while you're held up in either one of your ivory towers, you get us on the line asap. Else you're gonna be in shit so deep you'll need a snorkel. Got it?"

Bruce felt the urge to break the detective's nose for a second time. He could practically hear the satisfying crack it made. "You didn't have to put it that way," he answered, clenching his fist to try and quell the desire to punch, "but yes, I understand."

"Good." Bullock started to retreat, turning to the two officers waiting at the base of the steps. "You two, start sweeping the grounds, and keep a close eye on Wayne, you got me? I want to know if he so much as leans out the window. Oh, and Wayne?" He shot up a look from the bottom step as he shoved a cigarette into his mouth. "You got a small package," he added with a smirk, pointing to the medium-sized box sitting by unopened side of the door. Bruce rolled his eyes and picked it up, deciding not to dignify the distasteful jab with a response.

"I think I'll work from home today," he said aloud as he closed the door on the police officers now going their own ways, knowing that they heard him well enough.

God, what he needed now was coffee. He went through his mental catalogue of the kitchen as he went, wondering if he had anything John would actually like, and thought about whether or not he should go looking for him.

Bruce stepped through the kitchen door and found that the idea was completely unnecessary - John was leaning against the counter island, fully-dressed in the modified taupe suit taken from Bruce's closet, seeming to watch the coffeemaker on the opposing counter. Bruce gently placed the box on the counter nearest him.

As if he sensed his presence, John turned his head, and immediately lit up. "There you are! Your eggs are getting cold!"

Bruce shot a glance at the table tucked away by the darkened window. Two plates, both covered with a different set of plates to keep them warm. Mugs were already sitting there, too, as well as the carton of half-and-half, the sugar bowl, two jars of jam (did he have two kinds? Bruce only remembered strawberry in the fridge...), and the maple syrup for some reason.

"How did you do this so fast?"

"Bruce, I've been down here for twenty minutes," John said with a somewhat flat look as he turned around to lean against the counter on his elbows. "You looked busy, so I was going to wait and get you, but then the fuzz showed up and... I figured you'd find me eventually."

"...what would you have done if they'd come in?"

"They can't come in without a warrant and they don't have...you know, that thing. What is it - uh, probable clause?"

"Probable cause."

"Yeah, that!" John emphasized with a snap of his fingers. "I knew you wouldn't let them in since I was here anyway, so there was only a mild panic attack for a couple of minutes back there."

Bruce felt almost like he was having one of those right now. The kitchen windows had their rolling shades drawn, but there was still a slim chance they could be seen through the sides... And the fact that John had crept around downstairs without a sound was as startling as it was impressive.

He really was full of surprises...

"Well, just...don't sit by the window," Bruce said lamely. "There's going to be two officers patrolling the grounds."

John let out a giggle. "Good thing they don't know how I escaped in the first place," he said teasingly, his green eyes twinkling up at Bruce. "They'd neeever guess."

"Hopefully they never will."

"I doubt it," John hand-waved, standing straight as the coffee machine beeped, "You're Gotham's golden boy, Bruce. You could visit me every single day and they'd still doubt you'd actually break me out. You could probably tell them that you were Batman and they'd never believe you..."

"I don't know about that... Avesta was sharp enough to pin Batman's identity on me after one meeting with me. She's a Gothamite, and I don't think she doubted it for an instant."

"That's different," John scoffed, moving the coffeepot to the table, giving Bruce a full view of the seamless job John had done on the suit.

It was... perfect, actually.

It accentuated his shoulders and waistline, leaving just enough room for the grappling gun at his back, and made a slim fit on his legs; he'd even found a dark green tie somewhere that complimented his hair.

John seemed to notice him staring (he was not staring, he was observing, he was not letting himself linger on any particular area, certainly not his swan-like neck, exposed due to not buttoning up the shirt all the way...) and turned to beam at him, posing his hands on his hips. "What do you think?"

Bruce shoved down the honest flattering compliments that popped up in his head that he would've said unabashedly with anyone else. Still, he didn't want to say anything rude just to cover his own feelings, either.

"I think I should hire you as my tailor," Bruce said genuinely, "You look great."

John looked as if Bruce had said he was handsomest thing he'd ever seen. "Thanks! I'm impressed with myself, actually, since I had limited supplies to work with..." Bruce almost felt like as if he had passed some kind of test with him, somehow...

He took the seat next to him at the table and puzzled over how strangely domestic this entire scenario was, despite the threats just walking around outside. He knew they had time, considering Crane and Lant were nowhere to be found, but there was always the nagging feeling in the back of his head that they had to move.

"So what were you up to?" John asked, smearing a heaping knife-full of strawberry jam on his toast.

"I was using the drones to try and find Crane. I haven't been able to find his or Jackie Lant's cars, so I decided to part the drone outside of Crane's condo for now. He doesn't seem to be home." He watched as John picked up the syrup and squirted it in streaks all over his plate, covering the eggs and half the toast like it was the only way to eat them.

"Crane drives a Lexus, doesn't he?" John asked with a forkful of syrup-coated egg poised to be eaten. "He seems like the type..."

"Yes, actually. I haven't been able to see any sign of it on traffic cameras, either."

"He probably parked it and swapped the plates with something else," John advised, pointing another bite at Bruce's face to emphasize his point. "Our glorified intern is probably still driving her crummy little sedan around."

He honestly couldn't imagine Jackie Lant as the type to steal a car. She seemed to be the kind to hide it. He wondered if she wasn't just going to try and continue life as normal today, considering John would've gone after Crane right away regardless of whether or not Bruce Wayne had a darker side. "...why do you think she wanted to kill him?" Bruce asked, sipping his coffee. (John had apparently opted for the dark roast rather than the French in the cupboard. Strange, considering John was now pouring quite a bit of half-and-half into his cup...)

The green-haired man just hummed in response, a calculating look coming over his face. "If I were the betting kind of guy," he started, "I'd say she was aiming to steal from him, first."

"You think she's after his formula?"

"Maybe," John replied with a secretive sort of smile. "But Crane was using it on us for a reason, Bruce. All those notes about how we reacted under extreme stress, seeing our worst fears manifested before our eyes by a nasty chemical reaction..." John's face twisted into something serious. "Crane might have had to kill his way in, but it doesn't change the fact that people pay a lot of attention to him."

Bruce thought back to the strange figures sitting on Crane's office shelf. "How did you know he's killed people?"

John looked down at his plate with a reminiscent expression. "I had some sessions with Dr. Kessler before I got released. He had that little souvenir floating pen on his desk since day one." John stabbed the yolk with his fork, watching the yellow goop leak out like a bloody wound. "I liked him."

"I'm sorry."

"They never found either of their bodies, did they? Kessler and his replacement, whatever her name was... Just empty homes and not so much as a goodbye note from either of them," John commented, meeting Bruce's gaze again with a dry smile.

"No. He and Dr. Norris are still on the missing persons list." Bruce let coffee wash out the bad taste that came along with the words. "I'm sure that Jackie Lant is going to go after Crane. That look on her face when she left..."

"You'll have to tell me," John pointed out with a wider smile.

"Sorry," Bruce said reflexively, remembering the punch he had thrown at the side of John's head. "She was...determined. Whatever Crane's planning to do, she might know what it is already. I wouldn't put it past her to already have some of his formula, too."

John leaned on his elbow, propping his head in his slim, pale hand to observe Bruce with a familiar, playful smile on his lips. "Hmm, decisions, decisions... Are we going to look into the home of the disturbed doctor or the treacherous trainee this morning?"

Bruce thought back to Crane's empty condo. He had no idea how long it would stay empty; and he wouldn't be surprised if Crane kept his formula - or at least an earlier version of it - at his house.

Then again, Jackie Lant's apartment was also temporarily deserted. There was no guarantee that she wouldn't try to go back to work. She might have a few answers scattered around, too, both for herself and Crane's actions.

But Crane's face when he had walked out... He'd been so assured of himself. Like he already knew what he was going to do next, despite there being no way he could have predicted John's escape and Bruce's intrusion on his office.

"Crane might have kept to himself, but his house will give us the best chance at finding out what he's up to. And if he tries to go back while we're there, we might be able to stop him prematurely."

"Good choice," John grinned, passing him the blackcurrant jam. Bruce didn't even know he had that kind... It must have been in the back of the cupboard. "But I wouldn't recommend going on an empty stomach."

Bruce felt his cheeks burn slightly as he started in on his own food, John watching him happily. He had a feeling he would watch the whole time if left to his own. "Your stuff came, by the way," he said with a nod towards the package sitting on the counter.

"Ooh, better get started, then!" John practically downed the rest of his own drink. "See you back in the billiard room, Bruce!"

With that, he rushed out of the kitchen, pausing at the door to peek out and see if he had a clear shot outside or not, and left Bruce on his own in the large, empty kitchen.

Bruce felt like he was waiting for a date to finish freshening up before they went out on the town. He'd passed the time by sending off the email notifications that he wouldn't be coming into the office and rescheduling his meetings. He'd still have one to do at home that he wouldn't be able to get out of or push aside, but that wasn't until the afternoon. He had lots of time before then.

He wished he had kept the Batmobile parked in the cave, now. He already had to take one of his other car's plates off so they could drive the stolen Honda around without being randomly looked up. Hopefully no one would notice. Bruce had already changed into plain street clothes and hadn't bothered shaving.

"Sorry for the wait, Brucie."

For a moment, it looked like a well-dressed stranger had broken into Wayne Manor. With his hair dyed temporarily dark brown and his face covered in a more naturally-toned foundation, the only thing that gave John away was the bright greens of his eyes.

He seemed to have applied the works: nude lipstick, natural smokey eye-shadow, eyebrow pencil, and even brown mascara. He was completely unrecognizable to any stranger.

He'd clearly found something else in one of the closets upstairs, too. Bruce almost did a double-take - he was pretty sure that was his father's light trench-coat over Bruce's taupe suit. The matching hat was being twirled around on John's hand.

(He did tell him he could take whatever he wanted. It was too late to go back on that now... Bruce would just have to deal with it. It wasn't like he'd seen it that often when his father was alive, either.)

"What do you think? I kind of disassociated a bit towards the end while applying everything. It feels like I'm looking at a me from another world..."

It struck Bruce that this was very likely what John had looked like before he had woken up in Arkham, before he'd had whatever accident had bleached his skin and warped his D.N.A. to dye his hair green. It was rather handsome, if Bruce was being completely honest, but it didn't feel right. It was as if John was supposed to always have his unnatural color palette.

"You...definitely look different," Bruce answered.

John looked at his (very new) shoes. "It's weird, isn't it."

"No - well, yes, but only because I know you." Bruce fumbled, not wanting to see John hurt. "You look good. Just...not your usual good."

That brought a smile back, at least. "Thanks, Bruce. I needed that." He clapped his hands together, standing completely straight. "Well! I'm ready to go when you are!"

Notes: John’s new look is totally inspired by Jack Napier in Mask of the Phantasm. Picture it, but combined with that tan trench-coat+hat combo other Jokers wear sometimes...

If only John was in Villain!Joker’s makeup... ♡( ૢ⁼̴̤̆ ꇴ ⁼̴̤̆ ૢ)~ෆ♡

#telltale batman #batjokes #juce #telltale batjokes #atbom #fordarkisthesuede writes #at the brink of midnight #Jonathan's house is coming up!!!!!#I'm so excited!!!!#his place is going to be fuuuunnnnnnnn #“ψ(｀∇´)ψ #detective bullock #bullock is really easy to write for some reason #like everything comes naturally with that guy...#telltale!bullock is different from gotham!bullock but maybe that helped?

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