#''i am here. and im keeping myself here.''

[fl0w3r-33]

🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮

First Time

summery: its chris’ first time and you guide him through it….

WARNING: smut, sub!chris x reader, p in v, oral( fem ), no protection( wrap it up kids ), virginity loss, creampie, ma, mama, baby, nickname (NOT PROOFREAD)

( a/n: sorry it took so long for me to post again😭 i was on vacation and school is kicking my ass )

🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮

Me and Chris have never have sex before, we have talked about and we’ve made out and gotten close to it but he’s always kinda pulled away. I will never pressure him into anything bc i don’t know his side of it but ever since we got together (5 months ago) i haven’t had sex or even touched myself. I want to ask him about it but i don’t wanna push boundaries.

Chris was laying across my chest editing a video for his personal channel while i watched him. “ Chris can I ask you something?” i asked thinking about how to word this. “ Of course baby what’s up?” he looked up at me from his computer. I went quiet, “ Do you not want to have sex with me? Like do i do something that you don’t like or are you not ready, im just nervous im doing something wrong.” i blurt out. He turned his head back down motionless. “ im so sorry for asking that, it’s just been in my head for a while an-“ He cuts me off. “ i’ve never done it before” he says quietly. “ what..” i gasped surprisingly. “ yo don’t make fun of me” he rolled his eyes. “ im not baby i just thought you would’ve” i run my hand through his hair. It fell quiet after that, “ can we do it? i mean i never have but i can try” he looks up at me. “ don’t worry ill teach you”

i stand up leading him to my room, pushing the door open and guiding him to he was standing right in front of my bed “ Here sit down” i say slightly push him and straddle him. He smiles up at me pulling me into a kiss. “ Take off my shirt” i say lifting up my arms as he slips my shirt off. Normally when it gets to this point he pulls away, “ do you wanna keep going baby?” i ask breaking the kiss. “Yeah” he lets out a breath. I make eye contact with him reaching behind me uncliping my bra letting it fall off my shoulders. Chris’ eyes widened look straight at them. I picked up his hands pulling them up to grab my tits “ you can touch me baby don’t be scared” i wink i him. he lets a slight whimper slip as he stars getting harder under me. I rock back and forth creating friction between us. “ can i taste you?” chris whimpers. “ of course baby.” i say with a smile getting off of him and crawling to the head of the bed taking my panties off leaning back and spreading my legs infront of him. “ fuck you so pretty” he moved over between my legs. He pushed a finger in me, i let out a gasp and i look down at him. “your so wet mama” he latches his lips to my clit. he continues licking in my folds, he pulls away “ am i doing good” he looks up at me still pumping his fingers in me. “ fuck yes good job” i lightly push his head back into me rocking my hips on his face. He smirks onto my pussy at my actions and continues. “ fuck chris im close” i moan. his tongue speed up in me, i let go with a squeal as he laps up my cum.

“great job chris” i smiled down at him. “you taste good ma” he said connecting our lips. “can i ride you” i asked. “yes please” he said swapping places with me. i kneel on the bed next to him, i pulled off his sweats palming his hard through his underwear. I watched as his eyes roll back a bit as a touch him. i slide down his underwear my eyes widened at his size, i slung my leg over to straddle him giving his dick i few times before sliding down on him. “omg you so big” i fall forward putting my hands on either side on his head. He grabs my hips moving them up and down on him “ god you feel so good” he groans letting his mouth fall open. i start bouncing on him at a fast pace feeling him squeeze my things in pleaser.

I feel the knot in my stomach, i clench around him “fuck baby i’m so close” he whimpers from below me. “go ahead and cum pretty boy im right behind you i arched my back.” His hips jerk up into me as a feel strings of his hot cum inside of me as a fall over the edge with my legs shack and my nails digging into his shoulders. i get off of him and he moves over so can fit in the bed to and looks at me. “thank you” he half smiles at me. “for what baby?” i stroke his soft brown hair. “For yk… being my first time” he says. “no problem you did wonderful baby” i say getting up and going over to get him and i clothes and tossing him some sweats. “so did you” he breathes pulling clean pants on. i ran back over to the giggling and cuddling with chris until i felt his breathing slow and he feel asleep peacefully. “ my beautiful boy” i admire him…

#smut #sturniolo smut #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #smut sturniolo

[starbaby-7]

Long Live Abigail Hobbs!

In honor of our best girl I’m sharing my favorite Abigail Hobbs coded songs because she’s quite literally the ghost haunting me. No one deserved her.

Killer- Phoebe Bridgers

“Sometimes I think I’m a killer. I scared you in your house, I even scared myself talking about Dahmer on your couch.”

“I am sick of the chase, but I’m hungry for blood. And there’s nothing I can do.”

Family Tree- Ethel Cain

“I’m just a child but I’m not above violence.”

“Christ forgive these bones in hiding and oh and the bones I’m about to leave.”

Sun-Bleached Flies - Ethel Cain

“God loves you but not enough to save you.”

“But I always knew that in the end no one was coming to save me so I just prayed, and I keep praying and praying. If it’s meant to be then it will be.”

Strangers- Ethel Cain

“I tried to be good, am I no good? With my memory restricted to a Polaroid in evidence.”

“Found you just to tell you I made it real far. And I never blamed you for loving me the way that you did.”

“Am I turning in your stomach? Am I making you feel sick?”

Bite the Hand- Boygenius

“Who do you think you are? Who do you think I am? Maybe I’m afraid of you?”

“I can’t love you how you want me to.”

Vienna (in Memoriam) - the army, the navy

Enough said.

Smother - Daughter

“In the darkness I will meet my creators and they will all tell me I’m a suffocator.”

“Sometimes I wish I had stayed in my mother, never to come out.”

Im Right Here - Theodore Shapiro

The humming and melody feel like what Abigail’s life with Will might have been had they been in WolfTrap instead.

House Song- Searows

“Something is rotten inside me, I have to find it and cut it out.”

Hard Times- Ethel Cain

“Tell me a story about how it ends where you’re still the good guy I make pretend cause I hate this story where happiness ends and dies with you.”

“I thought good guys got to be happy? I’m not happy. I am poison in the water and unhappy. A little girl who needs her daddy real bad.”

“I’m tired of you still tied to me.”

OKAY THATS ALL FOR NOW. Abigail is one of my favorite characters ever and I think her complexity should be observed more. She was a survivor and perceived in the light of those around her and never as she truly was and I mourn her daily. I think about how she deserved to go to school abroad and never want for anything but in the end was a playing pawn in a game between two men who were themselves too terrified and confused to make sense of each other much less her as an independent.

IF YOU WANT MORE HERES MY PLAYLIST FOR HER

#hannibal #hannibalnbc #save abigail hobbs #Abigail Hobbs #will graham #hugh dancy #mads mikkelsen #hannibal lecter #will loves hannibal #hannibal and will #hannigram #hannibal and Abigail #garret jacob hobbs #playlist #character study #boygenius #Ethel Cain #nbc hannibal #Spotify

[inkskinned]

it is all love.

sometimes you will see something saying what if it is all worth it or it gets better, doesn't it and in the little heart of you - you feel a darkness.

was it love, the way i was hurt? some things don't have a lesson in them. no silver lining. they were bad things, and they shouldn't have happened. i'm sorry they did. i am sorry they warp the space they hold in you. we tightrope walk around an ever-present grave. we carry that ache for so long it becomes smooth, overworn. i worry that i'll bore my therapist - despite all of my attempts, the pain persists the same, as sharp as it always was.

but it was all love.

every ugly moment after. every bad night. every time you drank too much and cried on the bathroom floor. every time you threw up from anxiety, every time you panicked in the grocery store. everything you ruined, and everything you walked away from.

some small part of you loved you enough. made you get up. made you wash your face and clean your teeth and call home. made you try again, even from the bottom. even when you were so tired of it; of restarting, of having to do-it-all-again. some part of you reached out. some part of you reached up. even there, in the bad spot - you somehow got up.

love will so rarely be big. it will so rarely be a moment like a dawn. love is shy, i think. she keeps her hands in front of her cheeks. she waits to peek out. and if you're not looking, she will look - normal.

but it will all be love. the way you pour yourself a glass of water. the little rabbit outside your window. your friend pushing your hair behind your ear. the way your dog greets you at the door. "put on a seatbelt". "text me when you get home safe". "oh, i started watching that show you love." "have you been okay?" "let's go for a walk" "whatcha doin?" "what should i make for dinner?"

oh, my life is so different these days. i don't have a partner. i call my friends a lot. i keep falling in love with the little tender moments; the glittering ones. you know, the bird in a puddle and the shush of a newly-lit candle. the movie-moments.

i am also learning to love the ugly. every moment i spent belly-flat to the floor, anxious and panting. every hour i stared at nothing, losing time to my adhd. every missed opportunity and bad memory. i am not doing well. i am spiralling.

but somewhere in there, while i am reduced to ashes. some part of me is an ever-burning ember. her little thankless job, her shy and croaking voice. she holds me to my body. she doesn't let me go. stay, she whispers. out of love. my love. wherever it goes.

some of the bad things that happened to me will always be bad. they did not make me a better person. they made me worse. i only learned what i can endure. and i did endure it. and love wasn't just the perfumed moments. love was just ... staying. while it's ugly and hard and horrible. love was just saying:

okay. i will keep trying. keep going. i owe it to the version of myself who brought me here. i owe it to my future. i owe it to the small loves i have found since - the music and the new recipes and the new books and the new hobbies. i owe it to myself to wait for the next best thing. this wall we have hit - love says keep walking. maybe one day we will find a door.

always, always: just one try more.

#spilled ink #poetry #warm up #does this make sense #like i think it's like.... #sometimes loving urself isn't being like ''i love myself'' #but instead. .. #''i am here. and im keeping myself here.'' #and i kind of feel like #i owe it to the past version of myself #who has tried SO hard #who loved me SO hard she kept going #so i can keep going for HER #who was so much closer to the Bad Things #who really had NOTHING #... if she made it #if I MADE IT #out of that #i can love a future version of myself loud enough #that i stay for HER #and for who we will be #someday! eventually!

[byunbaekhyunie]

@monwillica & @merrybaekmas asked: which EXO member is most like you?

JONGINIE

#kai #jongin #kim jongin #exoedit #kpop #kpopccc #mgroupsedit #malegroupsedit #* #neox #gifs #exoask #i really could keep going he is just like me i am just like him fr fr #here are more random traits we share: being bad sports / hate running / not wearing socks with shoes / infj / blood type a / maknae / #being good at drawing / we have many similar habits and i think also very similar temperaments and senses of humour overall i see myself a #lot in him we're siblings #also im sorry abt the one of him crying i know it ruins the silly goofy vibe of the set but our sensitivity is a key similarity

[skitskatdacat63]

Okay now where's the Seb teddy bear so I can make them kiss each other!?

+

#okay btw you can credit the last frame to suzuki #bcs she brought up the pig stuffed animal that seb kept as a good luck charm when he was karting #and suggested the same with fernando's bear :DDD #also feeling weirdly sappy abt the fact that theres pics of fernando in the ferrari garage w an almost identical pig like ?????? #anyways please yes have this random vettonso comic 🥰🥰 #im working on a bigger vettonso drawing rn so i made this quick in the meantime! #icl i saw the fernando teddy bear. and i made the eyebrow post and whatever #but there was also just this image in the back haunting me of him gifting one to seb #I AM DELUSIONAL!!! #its just so cute to imagine it as like 'heres a memento of me to keep you company' 🥺🥺🥺🥺 #funny tho cause i had the same exact imagine for my ocs and i never drew a comic version for them yet drew this real quick #the power of vettonso takes hold of me sometimes..... #tfw you take a break from your vettonso painting youve been working on for a wk+ to go draw a vettonso comic #i have a problem. #ANYWAYS THIS IS SO CUTE WAAAHHHH #drew it as cope bcs in trying to restrain myself from buying the fernando teddy bear #if i cant have it ill make seb have it yknow 🤭🤭🤭 #wah this reminded i should draw more little comics theyre not too hard tbh #f1 #formula 1 #sebastian vettel #fernando alonso #vettonso #catie.art

[kuroosdarling]

hello friendz !! i am packing my bags and moving to @tetzoro !!! please come join me if ya want ^_^

back to navi.

#i’ve been so annoying about this all week to my buddies but i have made the decision to archive this blog ! #i’ve had so many good memories here and have met so many amazing people that i get to call my friends 🥹 #i’ll forever be thankful for this blog for giving me a safe space to be myself and fully indulge (aka go delulu) in anime men #a large part of me does not want to make the move but tbh it comes down to organization #when i made this blog i never thought i’d meet mutuals and find a community here #if i knew then what i knew now i would’ve just made a new blog from the start #but managing a main blog and side blog sucks !!! (for me) bc i view this as my main blog #and tbh a fresh start sounds really nice #so !! if u read all this im giving you a pat on the head and a freshly baked cookie #i hope to see u guys at my new blog !!! #i am going to try to follow a lot of u from it but also !!! #no pressure to become moots again if ya don’t wanna <33 #love y’all sm #ALSO ! i will be keeping this blog up #forever my shrine to kuroo tetsuro #(my new blog is still v kuroo - centric .. don’t get me wrong. he is still the man™️) #okay im nervous !! laterz !!! <3 #⁺. ʚ aims lore ɞ ⋆˙

[steffigraf]

merry christmas eve is this a good time to fess up to being ao3 writer baselinerallies

#im done living in secrecy. im tired of hiding. its time to be true to myself. #also cat keeps laughing at me and at this point i need to fess up before i do smth ridiculous #and maya was v nice abt it too and it made me feel better abt it #but yeah idk im kinda just! more comfortable being open abt it now! so yeah here we are #or at least id like to be more comfortable abt it #but i thiiiink you guys are sweet enough that im not super duper terrified to admit it #and id like to start talking abt my writing on here #but like skdbfksjdk #……….pls be nice i am sensitive abt this #but feel free to ask me stuff #if you guys want :’) #okay im done im gonna post this before i chicken out #tennisms

[cathalbravecog]

So I gave in and done it - Drew my Minecraft sona / skin, Larimar with Cathal since the two have some design similarities both being CRT TV inspired TV head robots... Let's just say yeah, there's perhaps a few reasons why I got so attached to Cathal like this, yeah?

#toontown #toontown corporate clash #minecraft #oc art #cathalposting #multislacker #guz art #doodles #u know ive gotten confident when i post even my goofy stuff on the main tag.... lets hope that doesnt get to my head now before i force #myself back into hidey hide again. but hey means im generally having a good time here but i miss my hidden feel a bit . i gotta be less #normaler #mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i ame having secound thoughts but eh screw it.. main tag it is #rips fur out #RAH ! #'coz my art been getting quite a bit of traction lately and i rlly dont want it gettin into my head bc its not been stressing me out for #once but with this other problems can arise whoops i mean . ... flashbacks to my bugsnax era #ERM YEAH THAT #GGrrh.... ive been so proud of the art ive been doing lately so i wanna main tag it but i just kinda..... #wish to keep it low again......... have da same feelie feel yknow #i have an interesting way of talking here i just realized. its ok it adds to my swag . ok ramble over *drops mic* *struts out* *stumbles #over and falls on my face* *dies on impact* #i maye remove hte tags later but who Knows

[mokeonn]

Gonna be 100% honest here it is REALLY bugging me that it is (rightfully) considered wrong to ask Palestinians if they condone Hamas any time they talk about Palastine, but I often see people question pretty much every Jewish person on this website if they condone Isreal or if they don't post about Palastine on their blog enough or "correctly" they're automatically considered a zionist? How is that okay?

Before the "piss on the poor" website gets to this, I'm gonna make it explicitly clear: this website has an antisemitism problem and it is blatantly clear that a concerning amount of you hate a perceived idea of zionism, that happens just so to include every and all Jewish people, more than you care about helping Palestinians. I'm not Jewish myself, but I shouldn't have to be to call out the antisemitism absolutely swarming in leftist spaces.

If vocal proud antisemites and actual nazis use the Free Palastine movement as an outlet to be antisemitic, maybe we should take some time to address that? Make the movement safe for Jewish people?? Think about why they are using a left leaning cause to be hostile to Jewish people?

#simon says #i will admit that i have noticed a concerning pattern #it seems mayhaps when this website finds a group to be mad at they get downright violent #and the definition of that group slowly broadens #and it becomes a huge issue #idk i often see a pattern of people in a group labeled as a bad thing until proven otherwise #like jewish people being labeled as zionists until proven otherwise #or feminists being labeled as terfs until proven otherwise #or lesbians being labeled as terfs until proven otherwise #im sensing a pattern here and I am not a fan #i like to hope the point of 'hey you're conflating jewish people with zionism' doesn't get lost #like I see people criticise Israel for conflating jewish people with zionism before turning around and doing the EXACT SAME THING #it's absolutely awful #like hey maybe we should keep leftist spaces safe for jewish people #I'm honestly really scared that posting this will get me labeled as a zionist myself which I think really says a LOT #free palestine #current events #palestine

[ef-1]

girlhood

#i have to fly out to capetown to see mother and im literally debating if i could land in the morning and leave at night on the same day #like. anything longer than that is going to ruin my year. #when she called and did her “katherine. you have to be here on the 10th” i literally sobbed in my bed for the rest of the day 😍😍😍 #not dyeing my hair black for a year and its getting lighter and lighter everyday and i look like her again #and my therapist telling me “you need to do things for yourself.” but like can i? sorry that woman traumatised me and i actually cant :) #like everything i do is informed by her #I'm going to go and just like everytime the only way to keep my sanity is to mirror her. talk and sit and speak and read and eat like her #and its such a terrifying experience bc i remember that im capable of emulating her viciousness and maybe i am my mother's daugher 🤢🤢🤢 #and im going to come back and its going to take fucking months for me to feel like myself again #“oh you look so beautiful just like your mother” i hope you DIE lol !!! the fact that my conception of beauty was shaped by her #growing up with this cruel beautiful detached woman and realising that at the intersection of beauty and wickness is a lifetime of pain #and still being so desperate for her approval- for any metaphysical proximity to her that i felt elated when #people would tell me i look like her. that it meant i was also beautiful like her and maybe she'll love me a little for it #but now i know for a fact that i do look like her and it makes saliva swell under my tongue - that moment right before you throw up- #when people mention it 😍 #last time i was in capetown my optic neuritis flared up (and i know for a fact it was that it was ms-stress related from having to see her) #and i thought i hid it so well even though i had near constant headaches & lethargy until she said “katherine give me the red notebook” #and i knew that she knew all along. it was so acutely humiliating standing there and knowing she knows i cant see which one is the red one #and she tilted her head and said “whats the matter? do you not know what red looks like?” #im never going to have kids. my mother and i read eachother so well it can only mean im never too far removed from becoming her #lol!!!!!!!!!

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

.

#tw suicide #no seriously heed the tw this is probably upsetting i just. i need to say it somewhere and i will not say it to my family. #puddleglum hours #personal #its just i was thinking. #tother day the doctor asked: do you regret it? about the suicide attempt tuesday night. #and i said something that i still feel: if i regret anything about it it's that i didn't succeed. #they're talking of discharging me tomorrow or something and im just. #what do i need to do to be kept in for longer?! damn it all i *know* how i could kill myself in here. #but i don't want to. i need them to save me #because i can't save myself! if they discharge me tomorrow i think it very likely ill be dead before the end of the week! or at least in #hospital from another attempt! this new med has made me more numb but the thoughts haven't gone away just muted. and then. #at times like this im perfectly wild about it! i cannot keep myself alive i need them to do it for me! #but when ive seen the doctor each time its been when im exhausted and numb and i don't care but that is not the case always. #i don't know. i don't see a good outcome any which way. #hopefully tomorrow the doctor sees me at a time when im feeling like this i think. #because i think i need to tell them. but i don't know how or even if it matters #and sometimes i just want to die. #im so tired of living guys. why #editing to add i am still on hiatus and if you want to contact me and know my discord contact me there #so i will not be responding to anything here for this moment at least

[dreamwinged]

good morning everyone :( i am in a Funk really bad and i wanna say it’s school but i know it’s a bit deeper than that. i dunno what to do i just feel weird… i hope everyone is having a good day tho imy guys :’)

#.mei’s chatter ˚༘⋆ ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖ #yk when you wake up and you just feel like you haven’t slept at all #pretty sure i even dreamed abt my problems bc when i woke up they were instantly on my mind #it’s like this sick feeling #ik it’s a lot of stuff combined and the feelings r just manifesting thru smaller stuff but it still sucks so bad #idunno…. what if im not good enough for f/os and i should drop them all and let them Be Free.. #im just not feeling good abt myself i guess. i think im scared to go home tbh #one week til i go home… :( #then i have to get my wisdom teeth out and start my new job and see my friends again who bully me for fun #can’t wait……….. #im going to try to keep learning japanese hopefully that helps me yk #to have a hobby to throw myself into #i don’t know… i guess it’s a plus that i don’t have school again til august #maybe something good will happen in that time. maybe i’ll get better #maybe i need a therapist but aaaahhhh…… scary….. it’s harder now that im older and no one can make me go #i just am unsure that i can be fixed atp i don’t know if i can have a normal life or if i’ll just always be this way #hhhh…. i don’t want to go home at least here i feel somewhat happy

[cornerful]

It's newsletter time babey!!

I've some catching up to do 🏃‍♂️

I basically ended up taking a complete hiatus from tumblr for several months when my migraines got real bad last year. And then things, as things do, kept on happening. Bastards.

I haven't looked much at the tag yet and I still have to catch up with the first five? Chapters and relearn the ropes so to speak, but hopefully I'll see some familiar faces around this year, and new ones 👀

Last time I couldn't get to the end but what I did get through was a lot of fun and the best part was what everyone else was saying and drawing and discussing! That's what I missed the most, was talking and joking with everyone. Lotr is probably my Favorite Story, and to have this in-time community readthrough is such a treasure. As usual, three cheers for @sindar-princeling for organizing. It's a hell of a feat 😁

I'm arriving uh...Precisely When I Mean To ;] but here's to a great year! 💚🍻

#lotr newsletter #i am tragically gifted with a life and brain that frequently fall apart i know everyone is incredibly jealous #fresh out of heartbreak and with some free time i think a full reread will be good. Autumn is here #perfect for beginnings bc there's already so many endings #i think i will still post a little about my catch-up if i have things i want to put on the blog #but itll be a lot less thorough so as not to muck up the tag? #elsewhise ill make a separate tag...hmm #i am curious as to what ppl said last year too so maybe I'll make a whole other blog for that idk #i was very invested in everyone's thoughts and i'm sad i missed out on so much #might do that #but for now ill get caught up! this thing moves fast when it wants to #i started the ian holm bbc drama today to hype myself up #😭 he's wonderful i keep wondering how that turn informed his take on bilbo #it's amazing how similar they are sometimes #not to be all I AM HERE but im excited ok thats all XD #you've no idea how devastated i was that i couldn't post about the songs from the musical at the right time 😩

[vvitchy-succubus]

.

#i woke up and he's still gone #so i guess this is really happening #i dont understand #48 hours ago we were talking about hazbin hotel #and joking about how he needs to just make me a house key because i feed his cat so much #and now i have to start writing his obituary #and we're discussing his pallbears wearing the same stupid sunglasses he always wore #and the governor called my mom to give his condolences #and im just sitting here telling myself that i cant text him and tell him about whats going on because he's not there to answer #he's the person i call when horrible things happen #he's my best fucking friend #how am i supposed to just keep going without him? #we had plans #we were gonna be old people together #and now thats all just gone? #it doesn't make sense #i can't make it make sense

[apopcornkernel]

wow writing a longfic is so wild (<- hit 10k words for the first time in years)

#i know people dont consider 10k lengthy but it is to me sdfjkjfhfjh #im stunned i still have energy to keep going. and also by the fact that i'm only 1/4 thru the outline. oh man #by outline i mean 4 one-line bullet points btw. i realized if i outlined too much i might lose the need to write it #but wow it feels so good... to know i am capable of this and to know i do not need to resign myself to grinding out 2k 3k #poppy speaks #poppy talks about writing instead of writing #perhaps i will share another snippet even though no one here cares about wrioney