#(which is like. SO dumb bc honestly i'm not sure there's anything i could do that he'd kick me out/disown me over)

[aeide-thea]

oh right i forgot the real reason i stopped listening to broadway clips was that i've got this whole enormous miserable knot in my chest abt having been too socially anxious to do anything with my once-upon-a-time-very-gorgeous voice once i got spat out of the safe little nest of my high school, and like, most of the time i forget that knot even exists, but when i listen to the sort of music i used to be part of making (proper opera but also showtunes) it's like. this whole fast-forward feelings journey thru 'oh right that didn't actually go away, it's still right there in my throat, just calcified' to 'oh okay we tugged the loose end and it's unraveling and actually it was keeping contained a whole rush of tears like aeolus' bag of winds in the odyssey…'

#like i decline 2 actually cry abt it but. sure am on the verge of it lmao. thick sore throat and all #i always forget that when i'm actually happy i sing to myself. it's been a long time since i did that #i mean also a big problem with voice was like. the gender thing #conveniently being a mezzo is ALSO a gender thing which did more work for me than i realized but #was listening to a jeremy jordan medley ft. on the street where you live from my fair lady and had a sudden flashback #to the year i was like 'what if i sang that for our musical theater showcase' and my voice teacher was like. noooo not a Boy Song 4 Girl U! #but i used to sing that to myself all the time. also‚ hilariously‚ the girl that i marry from annie get yr gun #which is just like. literally i still thought i was a straight girl tho. the sheer level of doublethink this required. #what was happening in my brain. #(i mean obviously what was happening in my brain was that like. i knew the limits of acceptability) #(and so i couldn't know anything else abt myself.) #(like i've said this before but i do strongly wonder what else my brain isn't allowing me to know bc i still live with my dad) #(which is like. SO dumb bc honestly i'm not sure there's anything i could do that he'd kick me out/disown me over) #(certainly not anything sexuality or even gender related idt) #(but it's like. i know where the discomfort line is and emotionally i just. can't bear to exile myself out beyond it!) #(even if my doing so might eventually shift the line out to where it embraced me again!) #(sometimes learning yr own deep unacceptability in childhood 4 adhd reasons) #(and also 'yr mother is so depressed nothing you do will ever please her. have fun trying tho!!' reasons) #(makes you just. totally incapable of deliberately rendering yrself less acceptable as an adult even when it would be good for you) #(anyway like. thinking back to the K in old home videos who was like. confident that they were an engaging delight) #(and like. what a charming jeremy jordan of a performer they could have made.) #(if only my whole upbringing hadn't then happened to me and crushed all the unacceptable self-expression out of me.) #anyway. shh don't look at me it's fine! it's all fine. 🫥🫥🫥 #formative #feelingsblogging

[charmedreincarnation]

Hey guysss! A lot of people have been asking for me to make a challenge for a while now. I honestly didn’t want to, not because I’m against them or anything but because the law will be different for everyone. Sometimes, it feels like tumblr needs a reminder - you are the only person who knows what you need to do to succeed. I wish I could imprint this realization on everyone's minds. I’ve also gotten so manyyyy asks about things that genuinely just feel like your doubts repeating in your mind constantly so I’m gonna talk abt my beliefs bc y’all are spiraling really hard. I get it you want your desires for Christmas and new years. It’s okay take a breath, you're alive and will be okay.

Firstly: at the beginning I used to spend countless time spiraling into depression, constantly changing my methods every time I saw a new success story, and every time I found a new foolproof' tumblr method. Methods that were supposed to guarantee results in a day so when they didn’t I felt rlly useless. It was annoying, to say the least, and I don’t want to help others do the same thing, but really all I can do is reiterate what I always say and hope you apply it to everything!!

A lot of you guys wanted something that didn’t involve the void state, so that’s what this will revolve around! But feel free to make this void orientated if you desire, and I’ll also add a void section so all my babies can eat!

Ok so you’ve over consumed, you have dropped the void, and now have switched to just assuming and knowing that you would wake up with your dream life - embracing states. Great! At first, it will seem like you're doing nothing but you aren’t! For example, I knew I was dwelling in the state of wish fulfilled when I went to work without shedding tears, when I looked in the mirror and didn't think I was ugly because, well, I'm beautiful! I didn't care abt not performing well on a test because I could revise my past etc. this isn’t to say ignore the 3D: don’t do that, please try and make sure you’re safe and okay. But know life is malleable. Slowly, things that used to bother me—my parents, grades, anxiety, self-deprivation—started to fade away. Even though my dream life hadn't reflected in my 3D yet, I felt the switch. That's when I decided, I know what to do.

I also remember finding this cute website a long time ago that I want to share that summarizes it in such a great and simple way.

So Before I knew or understood what LOA was, I found this gem of an article on I am Love'- "How To Shift Into A State & Stay There". I think I have a post abt it somewhere on my blog but I’m too lazy to find it so here it is again.

Basically it explains that the essence of shifting into a desired state and staying there. What resonated with me was her choice to dwell in the state of knowing that her desires are hers, no matter what.

The way she used colloquial language made the content relatable and easy to understand. It's like having a conversation with a friend who's guiding you through hard concepts with “dumbed down” language because at the beginning states made 0 sense to me.

Posts like this really helped me particularly because when I discovered Neville, it required three attempts on my part to not only intellectually grasp his teachings, but also to truly comprehend him as a whole, given his non-contemporary speaking tbh.

I recommend it if you find yourself stuck or not really grasping the law yet (which is more than okay) but, if you're looking to understand the loa better or just learn more give this article a read.

There’s also a particular quote from Neville that really got me to dive into his work after finding this article and it was- “The being that you really are, descended to the weakness of the flesh, causing you to experience the state you are now in. Contemplate another state, and the same being who brought your present form into being will restore and make alive the other state, the state desired. This he will continue to do until his purpose is fulfilled. That purpose is to follow a certain pattern back into the unity of being. You see, in the beginning we were drafted. We did not volunteer to fall into these states. We were made subject into futility, not willingly but by the will of him who sent us. But when we return we will discover that we are the very being who subjected us. We are now the sons, destined to return as God the Father!”

Now that you understand and are ready to apply state, Here’s a routine I’ve created to hopefully help you guys! It is very simple and not time consuming at all.

Scripting and writing: I love writing and feeling like the author of my own story, literally bringing my creation to life. I would write when I felt like it. Whenever I wanted to dwell in my state, I would simply write, "I have my dream life." It's so simple, yet it embodies everything I need. If you’re more of a picture girl, use Pinterest instead. Or both if you prefer it doesn’t matter.

Edward arts' "I am creator meditation": Again, do this whenever you like it. It's one of the few meditations that didn't bore me to death and seemed to work with my ADHD. I also love reading, so I would read his pdf whenever I felt like it and take mental notes. Reading his work was a reminder I was doing everything right, it resonated with me very well.

During doubt and overstimulation: When things get overwhelming, close your eyes and let the emotions pass. They’re just thoughts! repeat the words "I am" until your heart returns to its normal rhythm. It's a simple yet powerful way to ground yourself amidst the whirlwind of emotions. And guess what? You can use this technique for doubt too! So the next time you're feeling overwhelmed, remember the power of "I am". It's a gentle reminder of your existence, your resilience, and your capability to be whatever you want despairs any emotional turmoil.

Thank god: (yourself!!) When reminded of your desires. Thank you god. When you see your desires, (eg:Pinterest, online or you’re just reminded) thank you god! When you see an image of your desires, thank you god! When you dream or think about your desires. Thank god! Always thank the person fulfilling it aka you ;)! If you’re religious just thank the god you actually follow.

Nightly reflections: At night, ask yourself , "What would I do if I woke up in my dream life right now?" repeat this question throughout the night. Then, imagine whatever scene you want. What would you do if you could not fail? What would you do if you had all the money in the world right now. What if you looked in the mirror and saw the most ethereal being and it’s just you? What about if you woke up in your dream house with your dream family and pets? This is inspired by one of the first shifting methods I created that helped me fulfill my imagination before I knew what that meant. When you’re ready to sleep just remind yourself it is done, and drift off into your desires.

As I've always said, I've been a great daydreamer. I knew exactly what I wanted my life to look and feel like. I envisioned my walk-in closet filled with luxurious outfits, waking up in my dream room on a soft mattress with my pets purring nearby. I saw the decor reflecting my personality in every corner of my large, and pretty room. I imagined walking into my bathroom, seeing all my cool Sephora products lined up for my skincare and shower routine. I love taking care of myself because I know I deserve it. I saw myself looking in the mirror, knowing I'm "that girl" who turns heads wherever she goes.I visualized going downstairs in my boujee dream house,and seeing my family stress-free, smiling, and eating well. I saw plans being made on my phone, my friends were excited to see and talk to me. I went to my kitchen, filled with expensive ingredients ready for me to cook meals for my loved ones - because I love cooking. I saw myself checking my bank account and seeing multiple seven figures in my savings, checking, and investment accounts and opportunities easily presenting myself to make more if I wanted. I saw myself running errands in my car, shopping, getting Starbucks, having expensive lunch with friends, and making a trip to Target. Despite the simplicity of the day, I would come home and be like, "Ugh, what a long day!"like that one khloe kardashian meme. What if all this happened today? Visualize and feel the scenes so clearly that it felt like it's already happening.. not just in your imagination.

Most importantly: Define the law for you! Stop parroting bloggers and intertwine your own beliefs with the law. The only principle of the law is that through persistence assumption will harden into a fact. Other than that anything goes except for facts that are wrong.

Here’s old notes I found in my phone lol just so you know what I mean by define the law for you: ignore the writing I was kinda dumb and new to the law 😭😭

Now this is for my void babies if you made it this far.

Read this post.

This is it copied bc the links are wonky sometimes

“My previous method is based on the persistent assumption, which a lot of people don’t know how to do right and it might take some time even for those who have the right self-concept and the mindset, so today I was in the process of manifesting this method.

And I was successful!

This method is for everyone. It’s the easiest Void method.

Do you know that you get into the Void state at night automatically? At that time the whole perceived world disappears for you. Every single perception and assumption you have disappears while your consciousness in the calm and natural Void state.

Use it to your advantage. Now that you know about the Void that you enter when you sleep, the perfect state to manifest anything that you wish to perceive, with no “resistance”, no illusions of annoying solid things around, you only need to remember your scripted starting point in your DR and practice watching it all coming out of the Void.

Practice that scene with your eyes closed, say to yourself:”That is what I perceive. Next time I’m in the Void, I’ll experience this”. You won’t even need to be fully aware of yourself that way when you get into the Void while you are asleep. Your subconscious would do all the work as it now would have the instruction and a clear image of you expecting it.

Personal experience: as I was receiving information on this method, I almost stepped into my DR! I wasn’t even in the absolute void state, I was only creating the scene for this method and I felt it materialise with my senses!

I have great feeling that it’s going to give fast results for others! Try it, teach your subconscious what it needs to bring forth while in the Void, let it do your work for you!”

Lastly, I’m gonna talk abt my beliefs real quick bc the fear of shifting vs manifesting makes me sad for y’all. I understand you don’t wanna leave behind the people you love and that’s not fear to feel ashamed of having! I personally hate the npc mindset a lot of have people have adopted. The only thing we know for sure is that assumptions create realities, and consciousness is the real reality. Everything else boils down to assumptions, except for principles. For example, shifting is not lucid dreaming, even if you assume it to be. That is the principle. I’m just going to copy what I told my mutal bc I’m lazy and need to finish Christmas stuff 😭😭 but Our imagination and the 4D realm are products of our consciousness, which is indeed real. Our view of reality is shaped by our consciousness, since we can't experience everything all at once.

Unless, of course, you shift into a super omnipotent god. Even then, you’d probably still struggle with the concept of infinity because, well, infinity is infinite. And it’s constantly a never exnding expansion. As humans, we're finite beings, and our understanding of the infinite is naturally limited. Because you can’t and won’t ever experience everything at once, infinity is always expanding. Our awareness can be thought of as fragments of consciousness; it's like being a drop of water in a massive ocean. Even though our perception is limited, the infinite is always there, always existing. We simply adjust our awareness to perceive this infinite reality.

And through our consciousness, we are able to tap into other realities or 'multiverses', which give us a broader understanding of existence. This exploration of consciousness and the multiverse is a significant part of my journey into the world of manifestation.

The law of consciousness explains why, when you "shift" or change your perspective, you don't physically move. It's all about altering your state of awareness. This is also why time doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. You can become aware of any time or day you want, as long as you choose to be aware of it. It's like having a mental time machine. This law is why infinite universes exist. As long as you can be aware of it, you can assume and embody the state of that person. Whether that's someone with a billion dollars on Earth, or a person who lives in the Attack on Titan world, it's all about your awareness.Our awareness is just a fragment of the larger consciousness – hence the idea of the multiverse. Each universe is a different fragment, a different state of awareness. And we have the power to “shift” into any of these states, therefore shifting into any of these universes.

I’m telling you this bc there’s no need to be afraid of manifesting or being in a reality with robotic versions of the people you love. Ariana grande and Marilyn Monroe for example talk about loa without acknowledging it and we see their success. Neville Goddard and his followers saw each other’s manifestions and I manifest for my friends and they mnaifest for me.

Take a deep breath and let go of the tik tok clone mindsets y’all have they don’t exist. You can manifest and assume anything you want in your imagination. Y’all literally want to manifest things like millions of dollars, revising deaths, living in new countries, having immorality in your waiting rooms, and never aging which is all possible of course. So be for real, why assume and know that you can achieve all that, but it won't manifest exactly how you want? I've also wondered about what happens to the "old version" of people when they manifest their dream life. As far as I'm concerned, they dont exist because you choose not to be aware of them.

I really want to talk about this too, as I've received similar questions and, oh my god, I thought I was alone. I've always been a bit delusional and lived in my head, but when I became conscious of the law, did anyone else feel a sense of self-embarrassment? I don't know what that was, but I'd genuinely feel my soul wanting to throw up envisioning my desires that aren't mine, even though I've always been a daydreamer. It's kind of like when you feel you can't have them or it's strange to envision yourself with something you can't have, so you just purge yourself. 😭

I was thinking back to why that happened and laughing at myself because we need to be serious right now. Why are you getting sick by your own mind? Imagine if Van Gogh, anytime he pulled out a canvas and held a brush, was jump-scared by the brush. Picture him holding out the brush and just staring at the canvas crying because "well, the painting is going to suck 😐," "I don't know what to paint☹️☹️," "I already know it won't be like what I envision in my head 😡😡." Like, bro, the canvas is blank, just fucking paint. That’s why I really like his quote that's like...

“If you hear a voice within you say you cannot paint, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” So If you’re scared of failing, if you’re scared of your desires, or scared of how it will come to fruition, for that reason alone is more so to and manifest it anyways.

But happy holidays guys! make some tea, scroll through Pinterest, read a good book and watch some Christmas films and remember if you can imagine/think your desires you can embody them bc where are you getting it from??

Here are some helpful documents I have read plus a cute vid I saw on insta reels : (let me know if the links are being weird)

#law of assumption #manifesation #manifesting #void state #my asks

[strang3lov3]

Everyday I'm Shufflin'

Joel Miller x Fem Reader

Summary: Joel is shocked, horrified, disgusted, and absolutely appalled to learn you, an adult, cannot shuffle a deck of cards. He makes it his mission to teach you in a rather unconventional way 😈🔥😍 

Warnings: 18+ MDNI! Smutttt, kind of soft dom! Joel (y’all know the fuckin drill, but this is like the softest soft dom), oral sex (m and f receiving), fingering, undefined age gap, unprotected PIV sex, Joel is a sweetie honestly, loosely proofread bc I was so excited to get it out to you guys.

Word Count: 6k (oops)

A/N: Dumb title I know…but listen. I know I’m touching on this particular theme/idea of card shuffling in my story Sweetest Perfection (which I’m unsure of when I will finish lol) but omg ladies…I was playing Gin Rummy with my man a few nights ago and he tried to teach me how to shuffle a deck of cards. I have never been so turned on watching him do something so simple. His hands were so skillful, his voice was so smooth and comforting. So thank you J ❤️ I love you!! (If he ever finds my writing I will drive off a fucking cliff) 

if you enjoy this story, please leave me a comment! I am super proud of this story!

Check out my Masterlist

How you learned to shuffle a deck of cards was rather…unorthodox. To say the least. 

It started with a game of Gin Rummy. 

Joel read once long ago that when shuffling a deck of cards, it is statistically more than likely that the particular order of shuffled cards never existed before and will never exist again. 

Joel had played enough games of Solitaire by himself and shuffled enough cards over the past twenty-odd years that he was sure he beat that statistic. What else is there to do when you’re bored as shit in the apocalypse?

It was safe to say Joel was more than sick of Solitaire. So one morning at breakfast, he invited you to join him for a few games of cards. Nothin’ fancy, he said. 

You said yes, of course. Joel Miller was distant, reserved. Standoffish, even. But he seemed to have a soft spot for you.

He noticed you sitting alone at dinner about a year and a half ago. He was alone too, Ellie usually ate with Dina. She was too cool for him, he guessed. You looked quite a few years younger than him and looked bored and lonely, nudging and poking at the food on your plate. It made him feel sad. 

The next day, you were alone again. And the day after. And the day after that. On day five when he found you sitting alone, he decided to make his move. Instead of going to his usual spot at the end of the banquet tables, he sat across from you. 

You looked at him with your eyebrows raised in confusion. “Can I help you?”

He didn’t think it through. He had no idea what to say, no idea how to make conversation. How to explain why he was sitting there.  “I just, uh. My juvenile delinquent ditched me. Just wanted some company. I’m sorry, this was dumb,” his voice was gruff and low as he reached for his plate and began to stand up. “I’ll leave ya alone.”

“No, no. Stay,” you corrected yourself. “I didn’t mean to come off rude or anything, you just surprised me. Joel, right? Tommy’s brother?”

He nodded yes. You gave him your name and held out your hand. “Nice to meet you, Joel,”

“You as well, darlin’,” he took your hand in his and gave it a firm shake. His hand was warm and calloused.

And that’s how it started. You hit it off completely. Conversation was slow and awkward at first, but eventually it began to flow naturally. Joel was older, but the type of person you could talk to for hours. Like when you talk about your favorite food or movie and hours later you’re laughing about something random and obscure, and you wonder to yourself how you even ended up on that subject. You met for breakfast and dinner every day. 

“So I’ve got a proposal for you, darlin’,” he said, taking a bite of his buttered toast. 

“Pray tell, Mr. Miller!” you requested, a curious tone in your voice. 

“I’m sick of solitaire. Been playin’ it every damn day for too long now. Come over for cards tonight?”

You paused, pressing your lips in a thin line. Card games weren’t really your thing. You remember Tommy and Maria and how they tried to teach you euchre a while back. It didn’t end well, you left with a migraine and no understanding of how to play euchre. But there were a few games you enjoyed. “Depends. It’s not euchre, is it?”

“Nope. That’s four players, sweetheart,” he informed. 

“Poker? Because I don’t know that one either,”

Joel rolled his eyes. He’d have to teach you that one sometime. “No, not poker,” he chuckled when you let out a sigh of relief. “Tell you what, we’ll do any game you want. I’m just sick of playin’ with myself,'' Joel balked, then winced at his poor word choice. He absolutely did not mean to say that. 

Your eyes widened in amusement at his silly word mishap. Now that must be a sight for sore eyes, Joel playing with himself. You tried to push the image out of your mind, but it was nearly impossible. You spent many nights with your hand between your thighs, picturing Joel naked and moaning on top of you. Or under you. Or behind you. Sometimes all three. The truth was, you needed Joel badly. Like, desperately. “Tired of playing with yourself, huh?” you teased with a smile and a playful glint in your eyes.

Joel pouted, the slightest tint of rosiness blooming on his cheeks. You idiot, he scolded himself silently. “Shut up, smartass. Are you comin’ over or not?”

“Duh. Ellie gonna be there?” 

“Probably not. It’ll be just us, most likely. Is that alright?”

“Yeah, of course,” you smiled. Finally, real alone time with Joel. Maybe tonight you could make your move. You hoped that Joel thought about you too. You caught his lingering stares, picked up on his cautious flirting. He could be so sweet and so charming, it had to be because he liked you too, right? But he was from Texas, so maybe it was just his southern gentlemanliness. Either way, it was worth a shot. 

“Let’s meet here for dinner like usual, and then we can go over to my place. That work?”

You smiled and nodded, trying to keep cool. Excitement was bubbling in the pit of your stomach. 

“Then it’s a date,” 

A date!!

After breakfast, you went home and spent most of the day picking out a cute outfit for the evening. You went through nearly every piece of clothing in your possession, eventually settling for your favorite pair of jeans, a tank top, and a zip up hoodie. Casual.

Dinner came and went as normal. Joel was dressed as his usual self. A dark red flannel and some jeans that hugged his ass a little too nicely. You shared a good conversation, and when you finished eating, Joel took your dishes away and then met you at the door. 

You walked side by side until you got to his home. It was cozy and inviting, Ellie’s drawings displayed prominently on the walls. Little tchotchkes and knick knacks here and there. A few old pictures, old books and magazines. His weathered deck of Bicycle playing cards sat in the middle of the dining room table. 

Joel pulled out a seat for you and brought you a glass of water. He sat right next to you on the other side of the table. “So,” he started, reaching for the deck. He split the cards in two, braced his fingers along their sides and ran his thumbs from bottom to top. The cards fell in a swift and staggering motion. Effortlessly, he brought the cards up and bent them into an arch, letting them fall. “What card game we playin?”

“I was thinking we could play Gin Rummy?” you asked sweetly.

“Good choice,” he replied. He had some other games in mind, but couldn’t say no to your request. Joel dealt the cards expertly, quickly placing ten cards each in front of yourselves. The thwap thwap thwap of the cards hitting the table was such a pleasant noise. You loved how skillfully he moved his hands. 

You brought your cards to yourself, doing your best to sort them into different groups. Unfortunately, Joel gave you the shittiest hand he possibly could have. This would be a swift game, you assumed. Joel snickered when he sorted his cards. By the looks of it, he already had the beginnings of a few good sets and melds. “Gonna kick your ass, darlin’,”

You grumbled in response. Joel flipped the first card up, motioning for you to make your choice. You couldn’t do much with it, so you passed. Joel took it, then discarded one of his own. You were right. The game went by quickly. Within minutes of playing, Joel showed you his hand. He had, in fact, kicked your ass. He was smiling and giggling and bragging, almost how a child would. You loved the way his eyes sparkled and the crinkles that framed them just so. He was too handsome for his own good.

He took your cards and placed them neatly in with the rest of the deck, then placed the deck in front of you. “Your turn to deal. We’re playin’ again,”

“Good. It’s about time I deal. You gave me the crappiest hand you possibly could’ve!” you laughed.

“Yeah, yeah. I purposely gave you a shitty hand because I need to rig the game in order to win. Or maybe I’m just better than you,” he taunted with a smile. He could be such a sarcastic prick at times. You rolled your eyes in response and Joel pointed to the cards. “Deal for me now, sweetheart.” 

This is when all hell broke loose. 

You took the cards in your hand, doing an awkward shuffle. Moving some cards sporadically here and there and mixing them on the table. It wasn’t the prettiest way to shuffle cards, but it worked. Right?

No, not right. Not according to Joel. 

His jaw dropped, eyes squinted and his brow furrowed. He is completely and utterly appalled. Disgusted. Horrified. Offended. “What the fuck is the matter with you? What are you doing to my cards?!”

You stopped your actions. “What?” you asked worriedly.

“My cards! That’s how you’re shufflin’ them? Is this some kind of joke?” his southern accent intensified with his anger.

You looked down at his cards. None were bent or damaged in any way. “Joel, it’s fine,” you chided. “You’re so dramatic.”

“No, it is not fine. You mean to tell me this is how you shuffle cards?”

“Yeah, so?” Joel scoffed. “Unacceptable,” he takes the cards from you, huffing and puffing as he sorts them into a neat stack. “You’re an adult. Do it the right way.”

You give it your best shot. Trying to picture the way he shuffled, you mimic his finger placement and drop the cards, sliding your thumbs along the top edges. They don’t stagger nicely, however. They kind of plop on top of each other in groups. 

Joel sighs in disappointment. He takes them from you in a sharp motion. “Give me those,” he grumbles. “You don’t know how to shuffle?” You shake your head no. “Gonna teach you, then.”

He splits the deck in two, then faces the cards so they’re mirroring each other, just like before. “Like this, darlin’,” he starts. “You place your pinkie, middle, and ring fingers at the far end. Pointer is bent at the knuckle on top, thumbs at the close end,” He shows you his hand placement, turning the cards so you can see all angles. “See?”

Joel is rambling about hand placement and how to move your thumbs. But you can’t help it. You’re practically salivating watching him move his fingers so skillfully. As he’s explaining how to slide your thumbs slowly up the cards, you’re picturing his thumb on your hot center, slowly sliding up your folds. 

“You try now,” he sets the deck down in front of you. 

Shit. You can’t remember a thing about what he told you. He helps you move your fingers properly and you freeze, your brain is short circuiting. His fingers are pure electricity on top of yours. 

You take a breath and try again. Somehow, it’s worse than before. 

“No, like this,” Joel takes the cards and begins rambling about the cards again. Now you’re watching his middle three fingers, wondering how they would feel inside you. How would they stretch you, how would they move? He’s so fucking good at this. It turns you on. 

Joel says something, but you don’t answer. He looks at you, noticing your glazed eyes. You’re on another planet. “Are you even listening to me?” “What?” he breaks your trance. You meet his eyes, his eyebrows are raised and he looks rather irritated with you. “Yeah, yeah. Sorry,” you smile sheepishly.

“What’d I say?”

“You said,” you begin, trailing off when you can’t think of a good lie. He caught you, you weren’t listening at all. You couldn’t repeat a single one of his instructions.

“I’m sorry, am I boring you?” Joel’s words are bitter and he feels upset. He thought this would be a nice way to spend some alone time with you, and you couldn’t give less of a shit about tonight. It’s jarring, he didn’t expect this from you and it stings him. 

“No! Of course not, Joel. I’m sorry,” Oops. Probably shouldn’t have been fantasizing about what his fingers could do to you. Rookie mistake, that’s the first rule of learning to shuffle a deck of cards! Never fantasize about your teacher’s fingers! 

“Then what is it?”

You hem and haw, rattling off whatever you can think of to answer him. He’s not satisfied and you can see it. His brow is flat and he wears a frown of disappointment.  

“Quit lyin’. If you’re bored, just say so. Won’t hurt my feelings,” Lies. Joel’s heart is crumbling at the thought of you being bored of game night. He’d actually been planning on inviting you for a while, and finally gathered the courage today. 

 “I’m having fun with you,” you stammer for a second, “I promise.”

“Yeah. Seems like it,”

You groan and bury your head in your hands. There’s no way out of this. You have to tell him what’s really going on. “Fine, Joel. You want the truth?”

“Yes, I do. Enlighten me,” he deadpans. 

“Fine,” you inhale and close your eyes, mentally preparing for the humiliation you’re about to inflict upon yourself. “Your fingers. Your hands. The way you move, the way you’re so good at this. It’s sexy, okay? I can’t fucking focus.”

Joel’s in disbelief that he heard you correctly. When the words finally register, a smirk curls up on his lips. He feels a little guilty for accusing you of not caring. But then again, he never would have thought shuffling cards would be a turn on for a woman. Poor thing, he thinks. You’re not bored, you’re just hot and bothered. It’s no wonder you can’t focus. “You think I’m sexy?”

You stare at the cards, avoiding his stare. God, this is embarrassing. “Yeah, of course,”

“Of course, huh?” he taunts you with a shit eating grin. “My fingers are gettin’ you all worked up, is that right?”

You finally build the courage to look up. There’s no animosity or malice in his gaze, just amusement. Your confidence is beginning to return. “That’s right,” you reply with a whisper. 

“Wow. My fingers gettin’ you all hot and bothered and I’ve never even touched you,” he teases. “That’s what’s goin’ on in that pretty head of yours? You’re thinkin’ about me touchin’ you?”

You nod. “How could I not? I always do,”

“Oh darlin’, how you flatter me,” He pauses, thinking. Joel gets a twisted idea then, and places the cards in front of you. “Tell you what, sweet thing. You shuffle those cards real nice for me, I’ll use my fingers on you. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes Joel, please,” you rasp out. You took the scenic route to get there, but the night is finally headed in the direction you had hoped for. 

Joel makes it look so easy. Just focus a little harder, and you’ll do it. You split the deck in two, mirror the cards, place your fingers properly, and–

Plop plop. Plop. 

The deck splits in large chunks with a few single cards falling near the end. You exhale in frustration.

“Come on now, sweetheart. You want me to touch you, right?” Joel’s wearing a twisted smirk, so smug and cocky. “What’re you screwin’ around for?”

Joel loves teasing his partners, he loves building up tension so palpable that it could be sliced with a knife. 

You glare at him. You’ll show him. It can’t be that fucking hard to shuffle a damn deck of cards. You repeat the shuffling motion, failing again.

You grunt at the deck of cards, wishing you could make them burst into flames. You try again, and fail. Yet again. 

You try again. Fail.

And again. Fail.

And again. Fail. 

Focusing is becoming increasingly difficult with the throbbing growing stronger at the apex of your thighs. 

You huff indignantly, slamming the cards on the table. “Fuck this,”

“Hey, now. If you’d’ve just listened to me you’d get it right by now,” Joel steps out of his chair and hovers behind you, then motions for you to begin again. He places his hands over yours, separating them a little. “Hands are too close together, darlin’. That’s why the cards aren’t falling right. Now try.”

You steady your breath, focusing on the cards. You slide your thumbs up the edges slowly and watch the cards stagger perfectly. The pitter patter of each card hitting the other is the most beautiful and relieving sound you’ve ever heard. You gasp, amazed that you finally did it. 

Joel opens his mouth to praise you, but you interrupt him by practically leaping out of your chair and into his arms. Without thinking, you grab his face and press your lips to his, kissing him hard and fast. Your lips slide sloppily against his and your teeth click together every so often. 

Your hands leave his face and furiously unbutton your jeans and you grab his hand, shoving it down the front of your pants. You moan when his fingers reach your center. 

Joel’s instinct is to tease you some more, but you’ve done that to yourself enough already. It’s evident by the river flowing between your thighs. You gasp when drags his middle and ring fingers up and down your seam. 

“You poor thing,” he whispers into your lips. “Fuckin’ needed this, hm?”

You don’t answer him, you can’t. You just whimper into his mouth. His strong nose presses against your cheek and his lips are soft against yours. His calloused fingers paint steady circles against your clit and his other arm is around your waist, holding you tightly against him. He can feel your knees beginning to buckle and he relishes in the way you’re unraveling, just for him. 

He parts from you and removes his hand from your pussy. You let out a cry of frustration at the loss. “I know, darlin’,” he sympathizes.

 He sits on his chair and pulls you close to him by your hips, then tugs your jeans down your thighs. He motions for you to take them off the rest of the way and then guides you to sit in his lap, your back flush against his chest. He pushes his hand down the front of your panties and returns it to your pussy, circling your clit once more before pushing two fingers inside your wet heat, curling upwards and hitting the spot that makes your thighs tremble. His hot breath tickles your ear and sends a shiver down your spine. “Did so good, baby. So good for me,” 

A strangled moan gets caught in your throat. His fingers feel incredible, stretching you out and pressing into you. 

He loves the wet squelching sound of your pussy, he loves the way your head is resting on his shoulder, your lips pressing into his neck as you whimper sweet nothings into his skin. His other arm is wrapped tight around your body and he squeezes your breasts in his big hand, pinching and twisting your pebbled nipples. “God, you don’t take much at all do you? So sensitive, just for me,”

His cock is hard beneath you, poking through his jeans and into your back. He desperately wants to be touched, wants to take this further and fuck you hard and deep. But not yet. 

“Joel, I want more now,” you whine, feeling heat deep in the pit of your stomach. 

“You want to come now, sweetheart? Come all over my fingers?” he nudges your thighs farther apart and you open up deeper for him. He removes his hand from your breasts and trails it down your body, beginning gentle circles on your clit while the fingers on his other hand continue curling into you. 

“Please,” you cry. You’re so noisy, he’s thankful you’re screaming into his bad ear. 

“‘Course, baby. You can let go. It’s okay,” he coos. If only you could see his devilish smirk and know what twisted idea he’s conjuring up in his head. 

With his permission, you let yourself go. Your face and chest flush and your muscles squeeze around his fingers erratically. “Fuck, fuck, Joel,” you moan.  Joel continues his work on your pussy as you ride out your high. It’s a delicate orgasm, soft and gentle. It feels wonderful, but you need more. 

With shallow breaths, you compose yourself and turn to face him. You press kisses to his lips and his jaw and down his throat. Then, on your knees, you reach for his belt buckle. 

“What d'ya think you’re doin’, sweetheart?” he questioned you, his voice taunting and playful. He grabs your hands and holds them tightly to stop you. 

“What do you mean? I’m going down on you,” you reply, baffled by his question. “Then we’re gonna fuck.”

“Ah, ah,” he tuts. “No we’re not.”

“We’re not?”

“No. I never said I’d fuck you. I told you I’d use my fingers on you,” Of course, he knew you thought this would go farther. But Joel revels in teasing a woman, making her beg and cry for him before finally giving in. 

You scoff in disdain. “But I wanted more,” you complain. 

“I know you did, baby. If you want my cock, you have to work for it. You didn’t shuffle the cards right,” he tells you plainly, as if it was so obvious. “Shuffle the cards right and I’ll fuck you.”

You raise your eyebrows. “Yes, I did. You watched me,”

“I did watch you, and you didn’t do it right. Have to finish with the bridge fall, sweetheart. Or else you’ll bend my cards and I’ll be real upset with you,” he explains, feigning sympathy for you. “I’d have to punish you. And you really don’t want that, baby. So why don’t you be a good girl now, shuffle those cards the right way so I can fuck you real nice, just how you wanted.” his voice is dark and low and serious, you love the gravelly rumble coming from deep in his chest. “Do that for me?”

You love the threat. One day you’ll have to bend his cards, just to see what he’d do to you. But you have bigger concerns at the present moment. 

You take a step back to your seat and sit, the cold wood of your chair is refreshing on the hot and sweaty skin of your thighs. You grab the deck, separate it, and take a deep breath in and let it out. You move your hands apart just a touch, just as Joel instructed earlier. And you let the cards fall into place. 

With your hands now holding the shuffled cards, you try your best to maneuver them into falling into place. It doesn’t go as planned, the cards flop backwards and scatter all over the table. 

Joel bites back a smile, a teasing glint in his eyes. “Havin’ trouble?”

“No. I can do it,” 

You try again. Split the deck, run your thumbs up the edge of the cards and–

The cards fall in chunky groups, not quite the elegant shuffle Joel was looking for. Oops. Fucked that one up. Not to worry, you’ll just try again. 

This time you shuffle correctly, attempt the bridge fall once more and fail. Again. You hear the clink of Joel’s belt buckle fall and watch him unzip his pants and pull out his cock. It’s hard and the tip is blushed as he begins to stroke himself. “Better get it together, darlin’. I’m gettin’ tired of waiting on you,” 

You glare at him silently. 

You steady yourself and try again. And fail. Fucking again. Joel lets out a low whistle and spits into his hand, then brings it to his cock again. His fist is moving up and down his shaft and he shrugs at you, as if to say ‘Sorry, sweetheart. Can’t help it’. This is a delightfully unique change of pace, he thinks. He’s not doing a thing to work you up, your pleasure and release is all dependent on yourself alone.

Alright. Once more, this time with feeling. 

Fail.

You try and try and try again, failing each time. Your fingers are exhausted and your palms are sweaty, causing you to slip up. And Joel’s sitting there, playing with his cock and not saying a thing. You’re so beyond irritated, completely tired of this torturous bullshit. Tears of frustration well in your eyes and spill out and down your cheeks. This is fucking agonizing. You ignore your tears, hoping that if you don’t acknowledge them Joel won’t either. You try again. Nothing. You let out a cry in dissatisfaction.

“I know, baby. You’re tryin’ so hard,” Joel whispered earnestly. You just let out a dry laugh. “You are,” he continued. “Take a deep breath, focus for me. You got it.”

You shuffle the cards, set up the arch. “Easy, now. Lift up one thumb, let the cards fall. You can do it, baby,”

You do as you’re told, lifting up your left thumb slowly. You can’t believe your eyes as you watch the spill neatly into each other. Fucking finally.

You drop the cards and let them scatter slightly on the table. In a rush, you leap to Joel and drop to your knees, not even caring about the way the hard floor makes your knees ache. You swat his hand away from his cock and part your lips over the tip, feeling him slide past your tongue and down your throat. 

In your fantasies, you’d tease him with your tongue a little. Make him want you, need you. But not here, not now. You’re hungry for his cock and want to waste no time with him. You savor the way his cock feels so smooth and soft in your mouth, the slightly salty flavor of his skin. It’s all so…Joel. 

Even Joel was surprised by how eager you were. He gasped when you took him into his mouth, but quickly relaxed as you began your pace. You gripped his denim clad thigh in one hand and brought the other to the base of his length, twisting and pumping it as you bobbed your head. You hummed and moaned against him. 

“Wow, darlin’. Someone’s excited,” he mumbles. 

You look at him with big doe eyes and offer a wink in response. Joel lets you continue for a while more. He loves how enthusiastic you are, sucking and stroking him like it’s all you’ve ever wanted to do. It brings him close to the edge. 

He taps your cheek a couple times, encouraging you to hop off of him. Your lips are puffy and red, spit dribbling down your chin. He grabs you by your arms and shoves you against the table, then pushes the cards out of the way. You watch and giggle as they clatter on the ground in a big mess. He was so protective of those same cards before, so offended at how you touched them. Now they sat in disarray on the ground. “Your cards,” you breathed with concern. 

“Don’t care,” he mumbled, pulling your panties down your thighs and pushing your back onto the table. He knelt before you and draped your legs over his shoulders, loving the way they weighed him down. “Let me taste you, please,” he rasped out. You nodded hurriedly. Joel wasted no time, hungrily licking and kissing your folds. He lapped at you, pressed his tongue flat against your center and dragged it over your sensitive skin. He loved how you tasted, how you made a mess of his mustache and his beard. He pointed his tongue and flicked at your clit as he brought two fingers to your core, scissoring and twisting and stretching you out. 

It felt amazing, so intense and pleasurable. But you had been waiting so long for his cock already and it’s all you could think about. You pushed Joel away from your body and tore off the rest of your clothes as he followed suit. He looked gorgeous, tan skin and oh so smooth. He wasn’t very hairy, you noticed. Just a tuft of coarse hair at the base of his cock and a little happy trail leading down to it. His muscles were soft and lightly defined, you loved the little swell of his tummy. “You’re beautiful,” you whispered. “Need you to fuck me now.”

Joel cocked his head slightly at your compliment. No one had ever called him beautiful before. You were such a genuinely lovely person. He smiled sweetly at you before kissing you, closing the gap between your nude bodies. “You’re so fucking gorgeous, baby. Wish I told you earlier,” he purred. “I’ll fuck you now. You did so good, baby. So proud of you.”

With that, Joel lined his hard cock up to your soaked entrance and pushed inside. Slowly, being sure not to go too hard or too fast. He watched your face, the way your eyes fell shut and your mouth dropped open. He stopped once he was about halfway inside of you. “How am I doin’, darlin’?”

“Please fuck me,” you begged. You appreciated his gentle care, how he wanted to make sure you were comfortable. You’d expect nothing less than the illustrious southern gentleman. But you’ve been waiting long enough with the prospect of being fucked by Joel Miller. Fuck sweet lovings, you needed to be fucked. To be used, like a toy. “Now.” you demanded.

It’s all the permission Joel needed. He slammed his hips into yours and you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, gripping his tight muscles. Your hands wandered down his back and settled on his ass. You squeezed the soft flesh beneath your fingers and let out moan after moan. 

Joel loved how vocal you were. Telling him what you needed, how you needed it. He loved the pretty noises you made, all for him. No one else. Not anymore, at least. You were his now and would be forever. 

“Fuck, Joel,” you panted between breaths. “Feels so good.” Joel’s head dipped down to your chest and he kissed and nipped at the soft skin of your breasts, tonguing your nipples and loving how you shuddered at his touch. “Good, baby,” he said. “You deserve it.”

You did deserve it, after all. He made you work like a fucking dog for it. 

Joel fucked you at a steady pace, comfortable for both of you. He asked you what felt good, what you needed. How he could make it better. “Tell me what I can do, sweetheart,”

There were no improvements to be made. Everything about Joel was second to none, his cock, the way he moved, the way he held you. He fucked you perfectly, just how you needed. “Nothing, just,” you squinted your eyes shut and searched your brain for words, finding it difficult to piece any together. “Just keep fucking me like this. Maybe a little harder, please.”

Joel was a provider. A lady as beautiful as yourself, asking for more? It’d be a sin to deprive you of what you needed. So Joel obliged, picking up the pace and hitting you deeper. “Just like that, Jesus, fuck. Just like that, baby.”

Baby. Joel loved that term of endearment. He wasn’t used to being called any sweet nicknames, usually he was the one who’d dole them out. Not just to anyone, only to those closest to himself. It’s why he called you ‘sweetheart’ and ‘darling’ so often. 

He liked being the object of your affection. “Keep callin’ me that, please,” he requested, his voice shy and low. He was so tough and domineering just moments ago, and now he was bashful and vulnerable, all because of one little word. Baby. 

“Fuck, baby. You feel so good. Wanted this for so long,” you whimpered, holding onto him tightly. You’d abandon his name completely and call him ‘baby’ for the rest of your lives, if he asked you to. 

“God, sweetheart. Me too,” he grunted. 

Joel couldn’t last much longer. He let out groans and strangled out moans as his pace became sloppy. “Let me make you come,” he begged. He wriggled his hand between your bodies, placing his thumb on your clit. He held a firm pressure to the sensitive bud and moved it in concise circles, pushing you closer and closer to your release. 

You let out a throaty moan as you felt your climax begin to bubble up inside you. “Don’t stop, don’t stop,” you pleaded. “I’m right there.”

Joel just kept doing what he was doing. Circles on your clit and fucking you deep, hitting that sweet spot deep inside you. Your moans turned frantic and you cried out his name, over and over again, like a prayer. Your orgasm was much more intense than the last one, it sent electricity all through your body. You felt tingles and sparks wash over you, from your scalp all through your fingertips, down all the way to your toes. It was the best orgasm any lover of yours had ever blessed you with. 

Joel felt your body shudder around him, felt your pussy convulse and squeeze his cock. His thrusts became harder, faster, and frenzied as he chased his own climax. You watched his eyes screw shut and little drops of sweat fall down his temples as he let out a deep moan. His cock pulsed inside you, painting you with his hot seed. 

He let out a laugh then, between panting breaths. He pulled you in for a hug, his skin hot and slick with sweat. Head pressed to his heaving chest, you could feel his heartbeat in your ear. Your new favorite feeling. 

Joel pulled away from you, kissed you sweetly and helped you clean up. You pulled on your clothes and sat neatly at the table, picking up and sorting out the disheveled cards. Joel did the same, he bent down next to you and gathered the cards on the ground. 

He placed them in front of you, left for a second with your empty glasses, and returned with the glasses of water refilled before sitting in his seat again. How you didn’t knock them over during your fucking, you had no idea.

“Alright, baby. Show me how you shuffle now,” he grinned at you. He wanted to make sure his unorthodox method of teaching you actually worked. 

You smiled back, split the deck in two and mirrored them for the nth time that evening,  and then placed your fingers along the two decks. You slid your thumbs up the cards, watched one fall on top of the other, and brought the cards back up into a nice arch. With a breath, you let off one thumb and let the cards fall down slowly. You sighed in relief. Your maneuver wasn’t quite as smooth as Joel’s, but there was plenty of time to practice. 

You dealt out ten cards each, gathered your hand and did your best to hide a smirk. You held a three, four, and six of clubs, three kings, and two jacks. 

Joel sighs disappointedly at his hand. You couldn’t have dealt him worse cards. Nothing went with anything. 

The two of you exchanged cards quietly, as if you didn’t just desecrate Joel’s dining room table. It was quite funny, really.

The game was quick, just like before. You placed your sets and melds in front of him. “Read it and weep,” you jeer.

Joel grumbles something about cheating and steals your cards. “Rematch,” he says. “Loser gives the winner head.”

“Deal,”

Tags: @swiftispunk @rosaliedepp @pedrotonin @kittenlittle24 @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @brittmb115 @bigboiseason123 @laysmt @venusdemonroe @guiltgoldglory @aubreysylvain @leeeesahhh @oliveg95 @ifall4dilfs @alloftheboysivelovedbefore @harriedandharassed @vickie5546 @louisxosblog @southernbe @ravenouswild @luvrking @r02eg0ld @amythenortherner @walkintheprk @zpandaqueen @silkiers @angel-with-a-heart @kdogreads @boofy1998 @theoremrobin @ihatespoilers @2valentines @happy--birthday--kiddo @elissaaa @paleidiot @brie-annwyl @str84pedro @sesigsss @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @palomaluvsdilfs @kyloispunk @tiredbuthappy @yuk-for-president @jazzy-music-cat @anoverhwhelmingdin @dontatmethebeasts @venus122idkpleaze

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller smut #the last of us #strang3lov3 #joel miller #the last of us hbo #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #tlou #joel tlou #tlou show #tlou hbo

[darylsfavoritegirl]

HEYYYY IM HONESTLY SO FUCKING EXCITED WHAT DO YOU THINK ABT THESE HEADCANONS bc i wanted to do smth like for a while i just never could come up with anything but its easy in a sense sooo here you gooou

SFW

• I don't think his mommy issues are necessarily sexual, sometimes you would do something that would invoke that "motherly" "safe" or "warm" feeling inside of him. He would never be able to understand what it was or would tell anyone about it. It'd be one of the reasons why he'd care for you as much as he did. You'd make him feel safe by saying something or embracing your arms around him in a certain way which would make him commemorate his mother, though because his mom died when he was young, he wouldn't be able to understand it at all bc he doesn't consciously remember those moments with her. This man fr would think you'd cast a spell on him :D

• I just know this man is a feminist in the core. Growing up, he'd always hear Merle running his mouth about women and how they were like this and they were like that, overall his ignorant, blunt, dumb thoughts about women. He would witness his dad going off on benders with different women each time and how he'd vulgarly talk about them later. And hell maybe he's disrespected women or been really cruel to them but he still regrets it to this time and yeah we all know this man suffers in redemption, always trying to make up for his past mistakes and wrongs. Yet I'm %100 sure he loves seeing women thrive, turning into their best selves or just witness them be real badass and it might even give him some kind of arousal 👀👀. He is into that shit. I said what I said.

• One of his love languages is definitely showing you the places he'd used to spend his time in. Could be a special spot in the woods, could be a small cabin he'd used to get lit with people. Hell it could be random corner in town whenever you'd have to be in downtown for various reasons. He wouldn't even mind if those places brought him bad memories or unpleasant ones. He'd just like being there with you, doing whole ass story times and watch you react them with a wide-eyed expression. He did have a weird and a "crazy" life before the fall that'd make him feel like he was on mushrooms everytime just thinking about it. He'd love letting you know more and more about his past. It would just give him a reassuring feeling deep down. He would feel like it would bound you two together.

• That.man.has.a.sweet.tooth. He loves anything that has sugar. He'd always snack on candies or cookies or chocolates after a hangover. Or when he'd be on drugs. Sugar wakes him the fuck up and he loves the energy boost. He'd carry some candies in his pocket back in the day, eating them throughout the day when he'd feel his blood sugar dropping.

• He is definitely a car-date type of guy. He got more into it after the apocalpyse started and he met you. Sometimes you'd go on runs and you could sit in the car for hours, smoking, eating, talking or yk👀👀 if supplies you found weren't an emergency need. He absolutely savored those moments. You could sit for hours without speaking, in a complete silence. He appreciates quietude.

NSFW

• I know him having a breeding kink is well known and acknowledged but he's insane about it that it hurts. He loves seeing you all squirmed and whiny underneath him with all his cum inside of you, some of it dripping down your thighs. You couldn't always find the right pills for unplanned pregnancy risk and it WOULD drive him crazy to not be able to it.

• He just loves to see you messy beneath him. Hair all tangled, thighs shaking uncontrollably. Your fingers digging so deep on his shoulders that you'd cause his broad shoulders to bleed sometimes, he loved it. Your eyes are all glossy with pleasure. You both would love to go wild and leave sloppy kisses on eachother's bodies and wouldn't mind them drying on your bodies at all, leaving it all sticky.

• He loves being submissive as much as he loves being dominant. You can't convince me otherwise. If you gained his trust, he will be all yours, all needy beneath you while you ride his soul out of his damn body. Again, he adores a badass woman, a woman to take the lead. You would place your hands on his chest and sometimes hold his strong large biceps and he wouldn't dare to move an inch. He liked being vulnerable like that.

• He is just so patient it physically throws you over the edge. He'd get so close making you cum and he'd stop, teasing you with his tip or fingers or sometimes his tongue. He'd smirk at you and even make fun of you in a taunting way to overstimulate you and don't worry he'd make up for it with better ways. He knows what he is doing. It's just come natural to him.

• It's safe to say you are the one who teases him in the public most of the time, your feet tracing his legs up until it stops on his bulge under the table and he'd give a stern stare, trying to shrug and look indifferent as others would notice his suddenly-changing demenour. However, there'd be boring Alexandria dinners that Deanna would host and if you sat next to eachother, he'd place his large hand on your thigh and even dare to slip a finger on the fabric of your panties, starting to rub his middle finger harshly in circles while having full ass conversations with people and try to hide his subtle smirk bearing his face. He would do it rarely yet he'd be so good at it because no one would suspect a thing, he'd always make it look like he was resting his arm on your lap. You'd squirm under his warm touch and heat waves would wash all over you while trying to look normal as ever. And believe me, after those nights, when you'd confront about him about what he did at a dinner with 20 people, he'd act as if he doesn't understand a thing you're saying or would say "Don' kno' what yer talkin' 'bout." while shrugging his shoulders and turning to his side with a wicked grin.

FOOTNOTE

well this actually took shorter than i thought idk why i believed it would take me couple of days to finish one lmao i deadass wrote this in like an hour max ???? anyway i wish there were more but idc i was so impatient to post one of theseeee :)))

#daryl dixon #daryl dixon imagine #daryl dixon one shot #daryl fanfiction #the walking dead #the walking dead daryl #the walking dead fanfiction #twd daryl #twd imagine #daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl dixon walking dead #daryl dixon twd #daryl dixon the walking dead #daryl dixon oneshot #daryl dixon fic #daryl dixon fluff #daryl dixon gif #daryl dixon headcanon #daryl dixon x y/n #daryl dixon x female reader #daryl dixon x you

[wrongcaitlyn]

okay fuck so i got an anon ask for solangelo fic recs and then i made a draft on my phone but then deleted it bc i wanted to type it out on my computer but then that deleted the ask too so!! hopefully this reaches the anon i apologize deeply for losing your ask😭

but anyway. SOLANGELO FIC RECS. ALWAYS. ANYTIME. I HAVE SO MANY

so first of all if you wanna check out my ao3 i have a bunch of recs in my bookmarks (57 solangelo ones im pretty sure)

but here are some of my favs

i'm put in awe (of something so flawed and free) by CordeliaRose (@cordelia---rose)

archaeologist!Nico & trauma surgeon!Will AU. this fic is. ohmgyod. nico's internal dialogue is just absolutely perfect in this fic and i laughed so hard and god it was just so beautifully written?? but also solangelo are literally so cute. like. ahglskdf. i gotta reread this actually but anyway (also anything by this author, absolutely hilarious, such good writing)

dumb, dumb love by thegoldenappleofdiscord

five times nico and will are dumb and in love, and the one time they are totally 100% dead serious. i love a good outsider's pov, and this fic is just gorgeous. it's a bunch of different perspectives into solangelo, and it's pure fluff, and it's got some of my favorite solangelo quotes (like, when i read fanfic i screenshot parts i rlly like and i practically screenshotted this entire fic), and their characterization is just so so accurate they're so so in love

paris by ethannku (@ethannku)

Nico has a travel YouTube channel. And a crush on one Will Solace. i'm such a sucker for socmed au's and this one is done SO so well. my all time favorite. and it's sequel too!! the formatting i am in awe of, but other than that, it's just a really good time and i just love all the little details. i've reread this too many times to count and was SO excited when a sequel was published, and i can only hope that there's more to the au in the future!! (also this author writes incredible solangelo fics and even more valgrace fics which i recently just bingeread and are soo good)

Perfect Places by buoyantsaturn (@buoyantsaturn)

“My name’s Will,” he started - so far so good - but then continued, “and I guess my favorite food to cook would be, um, frozen pizza.” Was Nico only attracted to idiots? this one's fucking hilarious. i can't even put it to words like their dynamic in this fic is so funny and yet so cute and nico is honestly just like. shocked that will is somehow still alive?? will's a safety hazard. but also piper and jason in this fic are so funny too, it's honestly just such a good, fun read (and, once again, this author's incredible. read everything by them)

I Can't Help It If You Look Like an Angel by the_oncoming_stormaggedon (@lordstormageddidnt)

Will Solace is a pre-med student whose friends run a true crime podcast called "Nothing to See Here". Nico di Angelo, despite not realizing he's a missing person, is the subject of one of the episodes. They meet by chance in a random bar, and shenanigans ensue. i mean, if it's got a taylor swift title, i'm already sold. and then it's part of a series called "Hey Stephen is a solangelo song and i will die on that hill" which is the realest thing ever?? but ASIDE from that, i could honestly rec this entire series (+ the other series it's a part of, "Nothing to See Here" which is all part of the same au) and also everything by this author - it's hilarious, i just love the premise, and the writing is so good!! and hey stephen is a solangelo song, thereby reinforcing my "fearless is will's favorite album ever of all time and i will die on this hill" argument

Even When the Music's Gone by the_oncoming_stormaggedon

It's the 74th Annual Hunger Games, and Nico and Will are the last two tributes alive. haha this is pure angst. just gutwrenching angst. love a good hunger games au and some MCD!

can i handle the seasons of my life? by buoyantsaturn

“I think that most people your age finished high school, and whether they knew what they wanted to do with the rest of their life or not, they went to college. That was their version of ditching everything they knew in order to find themselves. Maybe it’s time for you to stop taking advice from other kids who grew up the same way you did, and take it from someone who used to be normal.”  FAME AU FAME AU FAME AU FAME AU i mean, not REALLY about the fame aspect of it, but i still love it so so much. will's essentially a nepo baby turned not-nepo-baby turned college student and nico's naomi's driver, and there's even... there's EVEN A VERY BRIEFLY IMPLIED POLLEN. yeah they're relationship is just so cute in this and i love the au and i love how it's written and ugh i need more fame au's in my life

so it turns out teachers don't live at school by RegretfullyRegretful (@marbleheavy)

Nico's TA and students are determined to figure out something, anything about him. Of course, it would all just be a lot easier if they asked. Either way, Professor di Angelo is decidedly a lonely hermit. (Someone should really tell his husband and baby that) this was one of the first solangelo fics i ever read, and it's just. so. funny. another outsider's pov bc i love it, and just... the assumptions abt nico, the fluff of solangelo, and then their story of how they got together is so...ahhsdlkjs this author is just a master at tooth-rotting fluff go read everything they write

my lover's the sunlight by demigodbeautiies

Figure Skater Nico di Angelo has a run in with Ice Hockey Player Will Solace. It doesn't go too smoothly, but then again - when does it ever? OLYMPICS AU. FAME(ISH) AU. IM OBSESSED THIS IS WRITTEN SO WELL and like... the very brief part where it feels a lot like a fame au like i just i'm obsessed can you tell. the writing is just beautiful in this, i love nico's internal dialogue, and... i mean, it's an olympics au. ofc its perfect

The Stolen God by TsarinaTorment (@tsarinatorment)

Python is defeated. The prophecies are restored, and Nero has fallen. Apollo has not been seen since. His trials are over; why isn’t he back on Olympus? okay so. this is a bit of a longer fic. and it's a post-toa, pjoxmcga crossover, and it's not *entirely* focused on solangelo - but when i tell you that this fic, if i weren't reading it on ao3, i would truly and full-heartedly believe was a real life published novel - i am NOT LYING. i rec'd this to my friend right after i read it bc i was just like so so obsessed with it and it's literally just. the plot?? is insane. i'm in awe of the author, bc this isn't even the only novel-length fic that they've written with an insane plot too (their fic Eclipse is also phenomenal, but it's more focused on apollo and hades so i didn't rec it here) there's some fierrochase here, lester being lester, and some very very very cute solangelo! and meg! i think sometimes you read a fic and you're like "oh, shit, that could be a novel, and i would think it's better than some actual novels i've read" and this is one of them

(Please Don't Let Me) Fade Alone by TsarinaTorment

Please. Don't let me. the summary's really short here so it's basically that will gets very very very injured and then apollo saves him (rip, i'm sorry, i suck at summaries) once again this isn't necessarily nico focused... it's much more will & apollo. this author writes the absolute best stuff for the apollo cabin, genuinely, if you love will/cabin 7/apollo PLEASE read everything they've ever written but this is just so angsty and the hurt/comfort is so real and goddd it's so good

he was seen on occasion (pacing the rocks, staring out at the midnight sea) by stargirltv

Nico di Angelo is a completely normal eighteen year old. He attends high school, has a socially acceptable amount of friends for a social outcast and has been in a relationship for the past four years with the guy he’s pretty sure he’s going to marry. He also happens to be the world's biggest bedroom pop artist, ‘Hell’s Angel’, with a fan base that will stop at nothing to uncover his true identity and a Father that continually pushes him to be better. His boyfriend freaking out under every single one of his tweets is making it a bit easier for them to figure it out. so. fame au. y'all already know the premise of this is just absolutely hilarious and the interview?? the posts?? will just being will and i absolutely love his characterization?? and the friend group?? this is one of the funniest things ever but also just written so well anddddd yes yes yes it's a fame au POPSTAR NICO RIGHTS except he's not *really* a popstar in this one but like close enough oh AND it's a taylor swift title??? like this fic was made for me basically

okay that was MUCH longer than intended but i hope you enjoy some of the fics on here!! pls let me know if y'all ever want more recs i read literally so many fics - and if you guys ever want to give me any recs, feel free to do so! as of today, i have read *checks fic tracker bc i'm obsessive and need to keep track of everything* about 7.3 million words of fanfic this year. and that's actually less than normal (for me)

also if anyone reads patrochilles please read this fic it's literally been in my head nonstop for the past few weeks since i've read it and it's one of the best things i've ever read and like holyshit if you read patrochilles read it read it read it

#wrongcaitlyn #fic recs #solangelo #ao3 #will solace #nico di angelo #pjo

[tainted-heartz]

hello! could i maybe request a yandere wally x reader where the reader is suspiciously compliant with wally? almost to the point where he thinks the reader is putting on an act just to escape later on (which the reader totally could if they were bold enough to think wally was falling for their obvious act!)

| I'm honestly excited for this one bc I can finally slap a lot of my ideas down for this- |

- the first time he forcibly took you into home and made sure you'd stay at his own home you were so compliant to the point where as soon as he locked you in he wasn't worried about you escaping.

- he even gave you the okay to be able to leave his room , just really made sure you didn't leave home by telling home to lock you in no matter what either he be in the house or not.

- oh but you're silly aren't you? he isn't dumb. or well he thinks he isn't since he fully believes this is a little act that you're pulling so he doesn't hurt you or do anything to you even if the most he would do is stare..and stare.

- the more he watches you the more he noticed how comfortable you seemed at his house and even comfortable enough to talk to home (who responded in its own little ways).

- he kept having this growing anxiety of you leaving because he was gone most of the day , he couldn't seem suspicious to the other neighbors and doesn't speak a word about you suddenly going missing.

- you had gotten bold though and were sure you could escape late at night. as you slowly sat up trying to make sure the bed didn't creak you slipped out and were able to find your shoes and put them on. you quietly stepped down the hallway till there was a loud squeak from one of the doors..you had forgotten home entirely.

- “ oh darling..why are you leaving me? ” wally asked softly as he messed with a few bits of the fabric of his robe. his hair silky and down enough to cover one of his eyes as he stared right at you. “ did I do something wrong? ” his stare became intense and almost crazed as he stepped closer..and closer. you couldn't speak a single word.

- “ or did you think you could leave me? ” he said as he harshly grasped your wrist cause you to flinch. “ nono of course not wally! I was getting up to get a glass of water- ” “ you don't need shoes for a glass of water. ” you've never heard his tone so low before but in all honesty it was intimidating despite his height. he pulled you right back into his room and took it upon himself to force you back into bed and digged around his room for a few short seconds before taking a long piece of silky material. he walked over and placed your hands in front of you before tying the silky material into a pretty bow. “ oh look at that..a pretty way to keep you right here. ” he hummed, happy you didn't struggle one little bit.

- after tucking you in and getting cozy right beside you he didn't close his eyes all he did was stare at you. his wide eyes watching your every breath and movement. you had no choice but to try and sleep even if this monsters eyes were on you like prey.

#welcome home arg #wally darling #wally darling x reader #welcome home #welcome home arg x reader #welcome home x reader #welcome home wally x reader #welcome home wally

[solitaire-sol]

Prongsfoot Week 2023 - Day 3

Favorite Canon/Potentially Canon Moment

I couldn't choose so here are multiple moments, I hope that's okay!

⌘ Sirius running away to James. I mean, yes, to the Potters in general, but let's be honest, he couldn't take his family anymore, he had to have known that he was cutting ties with everything he'd had until that point, and the only place Sirius could think to go was to James, who I initially thought would be furious at the Blacks for pushing Sirius to this before I realized that obviously his only priority at that point would be Sirius. I imagine Sirius arriving, soaking wet because of course the weather was at its most dramatic, initially trying to play it off before James wraps him up in a hug, and since Sirius is already drenched it takes him a while to realize that James is crying. Sirius is initially confused as to why James is crying, then is confused because he's crying, and then Sirius finally gets to let it all out because James is here and he won't let Sirius shoulder these burdens alone.

⌘ The time in which Sirius lives with the Potters; I think he visited James and his parents over the years, but this would be when Sirius really gets to see what it's like to live with a loving family, akin to Harry going to stay with the Weasleys. I can see Sirius rooming with James for the first few days, possibly definitely sharing a bed, because he's so shaken up; a few days in, Euphemia gently suggests that Sirius might like his privacy and Sirius moves into a guest room, but he still winds up in James' room more often than not because the guest room is cozy but James' room feels like home. Feelings may Awaken, but James wouldn't make a move because he doesn't want to do anything while Sirius is vulnerable, and Sirius wouldn't do anything because James is already doing so much for him and Sirius doesn't want to take advantage of his kindness.

⌘ Sirius getting his flat. James and Sirius having feelings about Sirius leaving the Potters and getting his own place. Sirius showing James around and being all It's not much so I have just the one bedroom but you can still stay over, we can share like always, no big deal. James does stay over, helping Sirius move in, and it kind of feels domestic, like it's theirs, because James cooks a bit and shows Sirius how to do basic chores and it's just the two of them, and they snuggle up in bed at the end of the day and think Yeah, I could do this forever. and then they go to sleep without telling each other because they are dumb idiot boys who should just kiss alreadyyyy unless they do bc we have no proof otherwise

⌘ Their interactions in SWM: I've always read the exchange about the Snitch as not just James' willingness to accede to Sirius but the way Sirius reacts to anything else drawing James' attention. It's noted that Lily and her friends are there and James keeps glancing that way as he plays with the Snitch and musses up his hair; meanwhile, Sirius is bored and James isn't paying attention to him, he's showing off with that dumb Snitch for Wormtail and some girl who doesn't even get him. When Sirius' usual tactic of 'look bored until James picks up on that and Does Something About It' fails, he outright demands James' attention and James obliges.

⌘ The follow-up when Harry talks to Sirius and Remus about SWM, and they briefly forget that they're supposed to be responsible adults counseling a clearly distraught teenager in favor of fanboying over James. Yeah, Sirius, I'm sure you forgot how James used to mess up his hair. why aren't there more fics where sirius and remus both want james and not wolf-star + james i mean sirius > james < remus

⌘ The prequel short story, which is honestly just a few stylistic changes and a good snogging session away from being Prongsfoot fanfic. Sirius and James tearing around the city on Sirius' motorcycle, all matchy-matchy with their Order shirts, smirking and grinning and messing with Muggle cops and taking out Death Eaters (with identical fluid movements!) before flying off into the night, presumably to do more badassery, or get wasted on firewhiskey and congratulate each other on a job well done and 'celebrate' the victory, if you know what i mean

#ProngsfootWeek2023 #prongsfoot #bambibelle #starbucks #james potter #sirius black #james potter x sirius black #sirius black x james potter #i know i listed most of their canon moments #oops #headcanon by sol

[golbrocklovely]

any recommendation for a old snc video?

oh tough question, bc it depends on what era you want to focus on.

i'm gonna just stick to snc's main channel and not their personal ones, bc that would make this too long lol

these are also some of my favorite vids from these different times periods

sit down/challenges

this was at the very beginning of their careers, talking circa 2015-2016. they were absolute babies in these lol

this is also the era of when they were basically doing the "things we like about girls" vids which personally, i vibe with bc i think it's funny.

my perfect date

accuracy challenge

truth or strip (a classic vid if i do say so myself lol)

bonus vid: not technically on their channel anymore but secrets about guys was my favorite video from this time period, so much so i reuploaded it :)

prank wars/challenges

they were still doing challenges at this point, but they had just moved into the trap house, and that started the prank wars. personally, i'm not including any of the pranks bc i myself didn't like any of them bc pranks are dumb. sorry, that's just my personal hot take there lol

exploring an abandoned hotel (the first video i ever saw of theirs btw)

fidget spinner vs microwave

shooting potato cannons in abandoned warehouse

bonus vid: truth or strip part 2

exploring/XPLR

one of their better eras for sure. there are so many great vids from this time period that could go here, but i'm just gonna list my favorites

climbing abandoned skyscraper

exploring secret abandoned city

trapped in abandoned waterpark

bonus vid(s): have to be included - queen mary part one and queen mary part two

haunted with jake and corey

this is an interesting era, especially bc they do basically this but way better now. that being said, when i tried to rewatch most of these videos, they became a bit… insufferable, strictly bc i do not find jake and corey funny like i once did. but these are a few of the vids that i enjoyed from this era

biltmore hotel presidential suite (probs my favorite snc video ever)

overnight queen mary ship with kian and jc

cerro gordo series

bonus vid: the origin series

25x25/seychelles

the last era before the one they are currently doing, which is honestly weird to think about. a short lived one, but one i enjoyed a lot honestly. too bad we never got the video about colby making the song skin. such a shame really lol

it was hard to say goodbye…

our terrifying shipwreck experience

exploring abandoned beach hotel

bonus vid: chernobyl series (highly recommend honestly)

current era (but the older vids)

self explanatory, basically anything before the conjuring series.

fairfield infirmary

dracula's castle

bowers mansion

villisca axe murder house

shanley hotel

bonus vid: sallie house

please don't feel like you have to watch everything on this list. this is just what i like from snc. pick and choose what you think sounds good to you. god knows you aren't missing anything from skipping any of these lol

#ask #personal #sam and colby #sam golbach #colby brock

[mercyisms]

I wasn't the og anon but for DVD commentary, anything of the following that you'd like to write more about - 3 q's: who was the monochrome stranger? what do R/S/V stand for? does cristabel love pearls and if so why? and would adore commentary for all of the "rummage" text , and/or the ending, "Darkness: Welcome back, baby ... It is not enough".

[necro elysium (yuck!!): the director’s cut]

the more the very merrier. thank you for reading and asking!! who was the monochrome stranger? that's miss cassiopeia the first. she makes one reference to nigella, which is your only and very subtle clue. i'm not sure why i was drawn to include cassy. i think i wanted to place bets on characterization for her, since it seems inevitable that she'll be part of alecto, so that's fun for me. the cassy sections were also written back in 2022, so maybe i thought she would... come back?? later in the fic?? unfortunately, augustine derailed on that, as one imagines augustine is wont to do. what do R/S/V stand for? honestly very extremely literal things. it entertained me to think mercymorn would divide up her life in a binder, and keep certain aspects of scientific research together with relationship trinkets and milestones. i think you can get close to R & S but V is for "valentines," something I decided the og lyctors, at least, would still have. does cristabel love pearls and if so why? i'm really not sure if this is based on anything beyond, idk, silas albino energy, but i just associate the eighth house with pearls. possibly because mercymorn wears them? i think? also because the eighth house has that stomae proximity and colum bursts into teeth. so the pearl is also enamel vibes. and the mother of pearl wardrobe is bc i further a 'mercymorn as an asian woman' headcanon & there are lots of lovely korean mother of pearl boxes & art that scream mercymorn to me personally. it's really more of a personal eighth house vibe. i think we mb only canonically know cristabel oct like macaroni art (but teethy!! that's teethy!!) but i don't think mercymorn could abide her house being made of pasta. rummage? i wasn't going to replicate every disco elysium feature (ie. different outfits to add skill points, thought cabinet) to keep this fic, y'know, possible in scope for me, someone with very little fic-writing stamina, but i did want to replicate the feature of a check or interaction you could come back to again and again. sort of like harry in the pawn shop? i think? i also wanted to paint the absurdity of a, i think, first house wardrobe: lab wear, fancy dress, formal house wear (the pearled armour one may imagine as a 'cultural' garment for the eighth house), and, of course, dumb t-shirts that john would love. it was also the easiest way to slip in something like a meme, as all tlt fics should. i am notorious for following those meme t-shirt accounts and sending them to all my beloved friends assigning them to fictional characters, so i rifled through all the dms i had and pulled the worst and most embarrassing shirt. it also doubles as a way for me to tell you i think mercy and cristabel were canonically fucking. the ending! i think the major ethos of the ending is hit pretty hard: the displacement of both mercymorn and cristabel into their new lyctoral form: the saint of joy, but with the seeds of what will eventually turn mercy against john. i did struggle, for awhile, about what the ending would look like & what that line would be. i thought the previous tlt had very strong dismounts and didn't want this one to fizzle! realizing death could close it out was a boon. it's intentionally the only "impossible" check in the fic (which is the hardest check in disco). and i would read it, perhaps, as a sort of giving into the logic and pain of lyctorhood, something that supersedes her allegiance to john. death is also characterized (as it is in tlt, i would, and many ppl smarter than i, have argue/d) as a hunger in the fic & you could maybe give me too much credit and read it as a deep hunger for joy, for justice, for these elements of cristabel that are no longer accessible through cristabel herself & cannot ever be satiated. that sort of stuff!!

#very touched by all asks #tysm anon!!! #always a delight to go on lyctoral tangents #asks #m: tlt fic #anonymous

[philtstone]

40 (wake-up kisses) Peter/Gamora

i honestly couldnt tell u what this is but i had fun with it. inspired by this amazing fic, which healed something deep inside me. not really spoilers for gotg3 bc this is like, unhingedly removed from canon but also not not spoilers, if u know what i mean

The thing of it is, weirder things have definitely happened to Gamora.

Well -- to her version of Gamora, which is, to use a term, herself. The person whose mind-dream-consciousness she's trapped within is younger, and therefore has had less opportunity to experience weird shit.

Then again, Gamora thinks, there was that whole time travel thing.

"What the fuck," other her is saying. "What the fuck, what the fuck. Get out of my head!"

Ugh.

"I am trying," she says. It's a weird situation. Gamora has always been a little paranoid, to be sure, but even she can admit that her presence in this landscape is quite tangibly not an ordinary dream. She is, literally, in her own head. There are two of them, and it's crowded. She can tell. She can tell. Everyone can tell -- something is very wrong.

And it is not, strictly speaking, Gamora's fault that the fabric of space-time-reality-possibly-also-death is in utter tatters, but it's not like she isn't going to take advantage of it. Her family must be looking for her! Peter must be looking for her! Indeed, she is looking for them! She wants more than anything to be alive right now, and to hold her sister in her arms, and to help Mantis decorate her room, and to laugh over dumb jokes with Groot, and to sing tunes with Rocket, and to kiss Peter on the mouth until she forgets how to breathe and also how to feel sadness. She didn't really think about it too hard when she saw her opening. She just kind of wanted. Full body. Desperately. Death has been super sad, and also super boring.

Oh. Maybe, possibly, that could be a contributing factor to her --their -- sudden predicament. That is, the way she suddenly found herself sharing mind-space with another version of herself, who claims -- irately and with no small measure of panic -- that she was minding her own business, trying to get a decent four hours of sleep in, when she was rudely interrupted by a psychotic parasite.

"Ah!" Gamora makes a loud and offended scoffing noise. "Parasite?! I'm not a parasite, you jerk! I'm me. I'm you, goddammit!"

"No," says other her. "I'm me, and you're in my head! Get out!"

"Why don't you let me out?" she growls back, crossing her proverbial arms. It's weird. Like in a dream, she both does and doesn't have a corporeal body, right now. "You're not even supposed to be here, anyway! This is my timeline!"

"And it's my head!" snarls her counterpart, in a way that is really infuriating if only for the fact that she, Gamora, snarls that way. Who does this idiot think she is, doing it the same?

"Fine," Gamora says to herself. "This is fine. Listen. You wake up from your dream, but when you wake up, instead of being you, you're going to be me. Alright? We understand each other. It'll be fine, because you are me."

"I am not you," snaps ... well, her. "You are dead. You are a weird imposter who has been made up by your crazy friends. You have all these -- these insane experiences and stupid memories! And now they're in my head. I knew I shouldn't have hung around those weirdos for so long --"

Gamora's mouth has dropped open. "Excuse me," she says. "My memories are not stupid. What have you got to offer, death and sadness?"

Other Gamora seems to take great offense at this. "I have great memories!" she yells. "They are very -- pleasant! I feel good things when I think of them!"

Hmph. Please. Gamora was there, okay? So what if there are some new ones sprinkled into the mix. She doesn't have time to explore them now, she's got things to do. Places to be. Peters to kiss.

"Maybe it's a scientific issue," she muses, aloud. "If we got Rocket to zap you with something --"

"I am not being zapped!"

"I would wake up. From this weird dream."

"You are the weird dream!"

She hums to herself; uncomfortably, a small voice at the back of her mind wonders if she really did used to be this transparently aggressive, but she dismisses it, as she has more pressing priorities right now. Animation, for example. Living. Breathing air. Kissing Peter, that is definitely up there.

"Maybe if you pinched yourself," Gamora says. "Oh -- ow!"

Other her looks far too vindictive for her own good. Asshole, Gamora thinks, at the same time her younger self says, "Asshole," aloud.

Well, technically not aloud, as all of this is taking place in her head.

"Stop reminding me," other Gamora grits out.

"Maybe you need to find a tear in space, like a blackhole." That seems too Herculean a task. "Or it's an amnesia thing." No; it's a multiverse, unfortunately. And Gamora refuses to believe she ever used to be such a dick. "Maybe I'm being reincarnated. Denarian Dey once said his cousin believed in that stuff."

Annoyingly, other her has now decided to deliberately ignore her, and is refusing to respond, but instead glaring angrily into the middle distance, which Gamora is realizing is the ugly brown wall of her own bedroom.

Wait -- this is not Gamora's bedroom. Maybe it's just what it looks like in the dream.

"It is mine," over-articulates her evil twin. "And stop calling me that!"

Wait -- but she's just had a brainwave! Evil twins are something that happen in fairytales -- those mythical narratives Peter would relay, that he was told through audiovisual tradition during his childhood on Earth. In Terran myths, the woman trapped asleep in her own body could be awoken with true love's kiss!

Her other self, stuck in this state with her, responds to the slow evolution of this brainwave with a slowly-increasing, compressed, red-hot anger.

"I got it!" Gamora says excitedly, ignoring herself. "Peter can just kiss me awake! He does it all the time -- it'll be easy."

"OH," yells her other self, "WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP!"

Gamora freezes. Through her own muddled emotions she feels the keen and sudden prick of overwhelming negative emotion, so visceral she cannot help but real back. She wasn't expecting such a whole-hearted roar of anger, at any rate.

"What is your problem?" she asks, angrily.

"My problem?" Eyes flashing, tense, curled in towards herself, the bitter tang of something deep within her belly ... "My problem? I just want to live my own stupid life! I'm not you! You're the -- the -- the weird audiovisual myth!"

Gamora blinks, sifting her way through three layers of her own muddled emotions.

A stuttering wave of gentleness seeps into her fingers.

Yes, her younger self was aggressive, and angry, but never more so than when she was jealous, envious, confronted by everything she yearned, so close but so impossibly out of reach.

"Oh," says Gamora.

She feels herself turn away, in this weird dream that is not a dream.

It's still a fucking mess, she thinks. But maybe she can learn to be a little kinder to herself.

"I'm sorry," she says.

Uncomfortably, other Gamora jerks her chin. Then softens by an increment. Then shrugs. Then, finally --

Looks suddenly and oddly guilty.

"Thanks," she says.

"Don't mention it," says Gamora.

"Uh, it's just. Well. About the magical morning kiss thing. I ... might have broken up with him."

And, very instantaneously, all thoughts of self-kindness fly out of Gamora's head.

"You WHAT?!"

#like listen did i love vol3? yes. do i also just think og gamora should pop back into existence? very much yes #both of those things can be true in the same universe! #touches prompt meme #after 84 years .... #this doesnt actually count as me processing my emotional damage lol. i simply refuse to be a child of divorce #starmora #guardians of the galaxy #gamora #gotg vol3

[lavend-ler]

Those guys from Transformers you like (I don't go there but you seem to love them 🤠)

I SURE DO LOVE THOSE TRANSFORMERS GUYS YES 😎🤠

u didn't specify which Transformers guys so lemme do my TF OTP SoundRod <3

god I'm like. so unwell abt them. I swear I am they have just won my heart over and I cannot stop thinking abt them. no matter the contuinuity too, this ship just ALWAYS works. and I think it's abt who they are at their cores

Soundwave is such an omniscent mech, he knows everything, he is everywhere. he is completely loyal and never wants anything else in his loyalty. he doesn't do it bc he wants to move up the ranks, he does it bc he genuinely believes his cause. he is calm, collected, he has to have everything under his control. and he's so curious, he needs to know more abt those arround him and the world around him. he is also so caring, even if he doesn't appear much like so. he genuinely cares not only for things he believes in but also mechs he believes in. also he's pretty much an asshole. I mean his most recognizable line is abt his superiority like. cmon

Hot Rod on the other hand is just passionate to his core. everything he does is out of love for everything around him. he wants to make the future better, he wants to lead mechs to the better future. he is headstrong and brash in his decisions but his spark is always in the right place. he is curious abt the world and wants to help everything. I also kind of never got from him that he truly needed the leader position, it just comes naturally for him. G1, CBV, it's all so natural to him. he is caring and charismatic, he wants everyone to see the world in pink just as he does

u see this already, right? one is calm and calculating, the other is loud and hotheaded. but it's the other traits that are so...similar to each other. hence I think that they would hit it off. they're both caring, curious and stubborn. not to mention, they both have a knack for leading, even if Rods is a natural born leader and Soundwave prefers to be the second one

and that's what I honestly love abt them. it's that their differences do NOT divide them but rather bring them closer. Rods would become steadier and think through more with Soundwave. Soundwave would live more in the moment and let things happen more. I truly believe these two would make each other better

it's also that moment of them being impressed by each other. with them being a Decepticon-Autobot couple it already creates Drama but I love to think abt the walls cracking. the moment when Soundwave is so impressed with Rods and his abilities in fight and leadership. thinking that he's more than just a dumb Autobot he's been fighting. same with Rods, he'd see a Decepticon who is not only abt the fight but also connections. that he cares and that tough exterior helps to protect others. and who could see behind the mask better than Rods?

also I think they both would be super into human culture. as in Rods would be into movies and racing and Soundwave ofc into music. they could share interests and times together

goddamn, I just love to see them share their time together and become better with each other. I see Soundwave becoming more affectionate, realizing how much Rods means to him. I see Rods choosing Soundwave, no matter what. I see them not caring abt the war just to be with each other. I think they both would see sth in each other they never knew they needed

and I was talking purely on all canons but knowing their story in Cyberverse.....holy shit man. it's a love story u know? I cannot describe it in any other way. the beautiful slow burn and opening up to each other. the fact that Soundwave loved Hot Rod so much he gave up his life so he can lead a better life. that's poetry man, one day I almost bursted into tears just thinking abt CBV ending

tl;dr as the band The Wombats sang once

#ask #soundrod #transformers #ueueueueuueueueue #it got long and I could've gotten longer u know #I think that's plenty for now I should write a meta or sth #I genuinely ship SoundRod in all universes btw #I love The Wombats btw

[srslyspiderman]

mk so i had this FREAKY dream about Webster(spidersona) and Miguel. but the thing is Webster and Miles are pretty similar in comparison since Webster is just me.. and im similar to Miles,, so... yeah!! so im thinking.. how about i take this as an opportunity to right a freaky ass fic or smth based off that? well ur opinion doesn't matter bc HERE WE GO!!! In 1st person bc it's the only way I can write. :')

— — — woah, the mans a vamp?! — — —

I had always wanted to be apart of the Spider-Society, I always loved the idea of being.. "official" and that place was my one-way ticket to that. Being an "official Spider-Man".. what a dream! I was on my way to Miguel's office-like place and honestly the walk wasn't so bad, I had already gotten my own watch.. well wristband; this way I wouldn't glitch out and die or.. something like that! Once I got there he was lowering himself down on a platform of some sort but he didn't say a word, it was pure silence the entire time.. I had to break it, I had to say SOMETHING.

"So..how's it going big guy? You're awfully quiet," I started, he didn't have anything to say he was just tapping on some holograms doing some lame junk that I couldn't care for so I continued talking "I was thinking... I could be apart of the Spider-Society! I'm pretty helpful in my universe and I think I could be preeeettttyy useful here too!" I don't remember what I said after but I just couldn't stop blabbing at the mouth and I'm sure he said something but I couldnt hear him over how excited I was, I was so lost in my own words I hadn't heard a single word he said to me. He talks to low anyway so..not my fault! However, I guess that made him think I was ignoring him.. which didn't make him the happiest of people. Before I knew it he lunged at me and was pressing me against a wall, he arm pressing against my throat.

"COULD YOU STOP TALKING? YOU'RE VOICE IS SO SICKENING TO LISTEN TO. YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT?" his fangs retracted which honestly scared me, but IM SPIDERMAN. I'd be okay and bounce back up again, those dumb fangs couldn't possibly do a numher on me. Either way.. he couldn't hurt someone who's important, right?

"Hey man, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings I just thought maybe I could help-" He didn't like the fact I kept mentioning helping him, I could tell by the way he was just.. LOOKING at me. Like he wanted to kill me.

"Look kid, I don't need your help. I don't need any of the spider-people here but I can't wipe them all out because people all across the multiverse would drop like flies. Trust me, if I could I would've done it a while ago." Honestly I thought he was playing the role of a tough guy so I wanted to lighten the mood.

"Come onnn, why so sour? You and me could be a team! Check this out; Miguel O'Hairy-Legs and his amazingly charming side-kick, Webster! I could be like your kid, it'd-" He lifted me up into the air for just a moment and slammed me down onto the ground. I think I felt the floor break underneath me. I let out a groan and looked up at him.

"You aren't MY kid. You're just a random kid who just so happened to get some fucking powers, and you'll NEVER be anything more than that. A KID IN A SPIDER COSTUME. A FANBOY PLAYING DRESS-UP." I could see the spit coming out of his mouth, it was disgusting but it was all I could focus on with the amount of pain that was flowing through me from when he slammed me down. "Look, you're gonna go back home and live your life. And you won't be seeing anyone again, no Hobie. No Gwen. Not even Miles. You got it?"

"psh, who's gonna stop me? You're too busy cooped up in your office doing your lame work. You're just like a dad but.. without a k-" I think that's what really got to him, well, I know that's what got to him since before I could even finish my sentence I felt a sharp pain in my neck. My eyes widened as I lifted my hand up slowly but I felt a grip tighten around my wrist and lower it down with force. Miguel wasn't infront of me anymore.. he was to my side, biting down on my neck. The room was quiet like before, the silence that was so unbarable to sit through returned it also seemed to be dimming around me as I tried to push him off me but it didn't matter at that point, my entire body weakened and then everything just went black.

BOOM THE END 😱😱

#spiderman #atsv #across the spiderverse #miguel o'hara #spidersona #spiderverse oc #spiderverse #fandom #fanfic #spiderverse fanfic

[daz4i]

ok ok rather than make a bunch of annoying vent posts i'm just gonna put everything on my mind all in one post to let it out 🔥 you absolutely do not need to read this, this is honestly so ridiculously long. my brain better feel clean for like at least 2 days after this fr

i knew i was gonna crash after this week and i think this is it 🥲 i was so tense for literally a whole week (even more tbh, bc i was preemptively scared of how much i have to do too) and i think the adrenaline drop kicked in after the peak of this one (aka being in a big social event. haven't been to one of those in literal years)

also. my parents have been sick this week and i think i maybe have contracted it too? 😭 if that is indeed the case it literally kicked in in the last like hour of the event, i was perfectly fine beforehand bc i avoided being in the same closed space as them when i could (aka kept my distance or made sure windows were open around me all the time jic). bc suddenly my whole body hurts like it hasn't in a long while. tho that might be the adrenaline crash too who knows 🥲 ig i'll see how i feel when i wake up

i have not been creative in awhile and i can feel my brain drowning in gunk lol. technically i tried writing songs a couple of times lately but they came out so bad i can't finish them. or anything. and i feel like shit abt failing to create literally anything. and i keep seeing people be creative and make so much or sharing their work fearlessly and it's always so much better than mine too that i'm burning with jealousy that i can't turn off (and can't channel into my own creation bc well. it comes out shitty! so the cycle not only continues but in fact gets worse each time). every time someone tells me i'm good it feels like they're lying to make me feel better or bc they love me so they're. biased and see everything i make as good bc it's me, so i can't count that. every time *i* feel like smth i made is good there's some glaring imperfection i don't know how to iron out so i start hating the whole piece. i don't know how to become better when every time i try to practice i end up wanting to claw my own eyes out as punishment for being so talentless and dumb

(the dumb thing too is. oh my god this is gonna sound so silly but. i try to make myself feel better by solving puzzles or trivia or riddles etc bc these are things i'm usually good at. but lately i can't be proud of myself for succeeding at any of them, and i keep beating myself harder for every time i fail or don't do as well as i used to, bc it feels like i'm failing at the only thing i'm supposed to be good at. also i just generally keep doing stupid things lately esp when it comes to my time management or taking care of my body in various ways, i keep forgetting things which is smth i almost never do, i struggle to get through conversations with others bc i trip over my words or make mistakes constantly, generally i'm just being stupid in various ways)

right now i am. so anxious. about so many things. here let me just make it into a list starting with very small to. probably still small but it feels big to me

1. this is so silly but. i am literally too tired to put small earrings back in after changing them to long one for the party. and i'm scared the holes will close up in my sleep. but this is literally so much work 💔 idk if the holes haven't healed properly or if i'm using the wrong metal so i keep getting infections bc it's been A While (two years. apparently. maybe more??) and they haven't healed yet. like i said a silly thing to get stressed over but i am. very tense

2. i don't know. if the people i knew in the party actually didn't recognize me or if they ignored me on purpose. bc i stood next to some of them while my besties were talking to them too and they didn't even say hi (or like introduced themselves the way others that i didn't know have done). one of them was literally my bestie for a good few months a few years ago and even tho i grew a beard i. don't think i changed THAT much??? also i don't think it's hard to make the connection abt who i am given how tight this community is. someone i haven't talked to since like 2015 bc we had beef recognized me even. so how come they didn't. i met one in a con recently and she did recognize me so. h. did i do something wrong. did someone say smth bad about me. i don't know i don't understand social rules enough to figure it out 😭

3. this is another thing abt that tbh 🥲 while it was very fun and a super cool event, it did remind me very painfully of why my social anxiety is so bad 😭 i felt like i made 10 social errors per minute. i didn't know what to say half the time so i just smiled or laughed and i think that made me seem creepy idk. a lot of people were very nice and i think i did mostly fine with them but also maybe not. idk. i am definitely overthinking things but what if i'm right. it's not that out of the question. i am known to fail social interactions there's a reason why i do my best to avoid them

4. and this is kinda bringing me to a thing i have on my mind a lot recently. bc i'm doing the recovery thing. and a lot of people - friends family and professionals who help me there - tell me i am capable of more than i think or admit. and i get WHY they think that bc i *am* doing a lot compared to the literal nothing i've been up to for years. but i am very much pushing outside my limits, which is why i'm constantly feeling like shit lately i think (not that i was doing great before but. yeah). it probably seems mostly effortless bc i just do them without beating much around the bush but that's only when i mentally prepare myself days or even weeks ahead (for reference, i'm talking about things like. being in public. or taking a bus). or the work i do for projects that... honestly idk how i'm doing that either. i am the laziest person ever and i have no ability to concentrate yet i managed to sit down and do work and do it well and learn text by heart and research and write for hours and ??? it does not feel like myself. but it also kinda does bc i need to very forcefully push myself into it and berate myself for hours until i actually get up to do anything so. it's not smth that comes naturally to me. i don't consider myself capable of things. i'm just very good at pretending i'm unbothered (up until i start crying uncontrollably at least lol) so ppl think i am. unfortunately. bc then they expect me to do more. or they pressure me into it then get disappointed when i can't do it (ig that's the core of it for me... i don't want anyone to develop expectations about me, bc i know i won't be able to meet them, at least not long term. so i insist i can't do anything, bc sometimes - often - i really really can't. i don't wanna be judged by my best. feels false to even call it that tbh. but that's bc it's so rare, it's the best for a reason, the absolute peak i can get to, as pathetic as it is. bc the problem is, when this is already beyond my limits, i literally can't go further, but that's what they want me to do 💔)

5. god. this is also a small thing probably but the accidental lie i mentioned. for context i am giving a lecture abt p5's mythology in the next con, that's the thing i was working on lately. anyway when i signed up i gave background information about myself, and to make myself sound more fitting for the job i said that i learned the topic in [university that specializes in said topic] bc i did - just. 2 classes. that's it. i was telling the truth there, technically (most of my knowledge on the topic comes from independent research, but the classes i took did help with that too, as in i knew where to look for info and things to look out for) (also for reference i'm gonna be fr. i did not finish these classes. social anxiety got to me and i was scared to go to anything outside zoom lessons which weren't an option anymore unfortunately)

ANYWAY when they told me i got in they sent me a "revised" bio which was just what i originally sent them, so i said okay. but now the whole thingie was posted and i can see my bio there and. they said i graduated from [uni] and used language that implies i have a degree in it, probably to make me sound more credible, but it's not true!!!! 😭😭😭 the thing i said was definitely embellishment but it WAS true enough that if asked directly about it i could spin it somehow ("oh i haven't finished yet" "yeah i took a couple of classes when i could to enrich my knowledge") but this. makes it so much harder

chances are i won't be asked bc why would anyone ask abt that. but ever since i started writing the script i was so stressed about people calling me out for being wrong abt info, so i even added a disclaimer of "these are old texts that have many versions that vary according to location or were changed with time uwu if you know a different version of this story that's probably why uwu" and "due to the time constraint i'm giving a very simplified and short version of this topic uwu" bc given that i'm talking a lot abt judaism. to a mainly (or most likely, entirely) jewish audience. it's enough that there is someone who is religious or previously ultra orthodox in the audience that if i make a mistake they could point it out. and then i'll start panicking and lose my train of thought and fuck everything up while i'm already so stressed as is and-

so like i've been super stressed abt all that^ until now but that misinfo in my bio is raising the stakes for me 😭 bc now what if someone who went to this uni and majored in this topic calls me out on never seeing me there. or they can tell the info i'm giving isn't smth that's taught there or isn't the way it's taught there. this is such a specific and unlikely fear but i can't not stress about it because TECHNICALLY it's possible, it COULD happen even if that's not too likely

6. all of this is while i'm also struggling with bureaucracy around that art program i'm signing up to, idk if i'll get in yet or not bc i need some files to be approved and idk if they would, and idk what i'll do if they don't. or what if they do! i'm honestly so scared to start it, idk how i'm gonna go from nothing to waking up early and driving an hour 4 times a week to be active and around people for a few hours. tbh i don't think i can, but also if this gets approved then i have to, so the government's money doesn't get flushed down the toilet bc of me.

7. all this shit has a major impact on my physical health 🥲 not getting into details bc that's def tmi territory but. i'm fighting for my life over a certain stress-caused medical thing for weeks now. only other time i had it was when the war originally started so naturally i was extra stressed then, but like, this is to give you a reference for how majorly stressed i am now. my regular pains are flaring up more often too which makes things harder to handle as well (like, stressing abt not doing enough work, bc i'm literally in too much pain to do anything but lie down. or being scared of the plans i have for the week bc what if these pains catch me when i'm outside or with people. how am i supposed to push through them. what if they catch me when i'm in public and i have to sit down in the middle of the street. what if i'm with people and i'm holding them back from doing smth bc of that. etc etc)

8. ofc all this is happening during the war and i keep seeing things i really don't wanna see from ppl in my country and the west 🥲 and it's like, the mix of guilt over this happening at all, and the frustration over feeling like i have nothing to do about it, and fear about how things are gonna escalate in either direction, and seeing friends from other countries posting things i agree with but can't condone full heartedly bc well. this'll hurt me directly, as selfish as it sounds (tbf, when i say hurt me directly, i'm talking about me and my loved ones' lives being endangered), but also seeing said loved ones talking about things i can't agree with morally, yet can't fully refute either because life is. complicated. i have a lot more to say tbh but i'm too tired to acknowledge every single facet of every single related issue which will open me to a lot of hate so. best to leave it here. unfortunately

idk where to put this. sorry for the sudden topic change. it feels bad to be stressed over that but, there is a guy who i know likes me like a lot. i think i'm like exactly his taste and he's always so excited about seeing or talking to me. one of my besties - or maybe more. idk - really wants us to get together bc tbh it'll probably be good for both of us, and y'all know how desperate i am to be loved lol. but i can't bring myself to like him the way he likes me 💔 he's fun but i have a hard time with one on one interactions so i can't really progress things and tbh, idk if i'm currently in a mindset where i even should, given all that^. also i know for a fact i can't handle an actual relationship, and i'm scared i'll disappoint him or drive him away if i'll be my real unfiltered self, and ik i need to be obsessed with someone to get attached this quickly but i can't force it either. and to put it more directly... i'm perfect for him and his taste, but not the other way around 🥲 (tho tbf idk what my taste even is. i identify as aroace for a reason). i don't wanna string him along but i think i already kind of am 😭 i like him but not as much as he likes me, but what i probably like here even more is the feeling of being liked. and that makes me feel like a dick. i also feel guilty for not liking him the same way ig even tho ik it's stupid bc it's not like i can control it. and yet

so yeah this is. a lot of shit. all at once. both silly and not silly at all. my brain is in constant overload. i get violently suicidal every time i have a moment alone with my thoughts or when i see anything that reminds me of that. bc all this stress makes life feel so impossible - it IS impossible - that i can't handle the thought of it, but half of the things that cause me stress are supposed to be for the purpose of distracting me from how stressful everything is. so. what the fuck am i supposed to do about all that. how am i supposed to live like at all

#vent #this was written very out of order #i don't expect anyone to read this but if you do. 1 sorry 2 are you okay 3 i love you #it feels better to post things than to just write them in a doc yknow?? #not sure why. maybe it's the feeling of not being alone with these thoughts ig. or getting some external validation #it did help tho. i feel like i can actually go to sleep now maybe. wow #edit: holy shit i just checked. this took nearly 2 hours to type. wtf. damn guess i really needed that akdkglhlj #btw if you do read this you gotta like this post 🧐 so. i know. bc i like knowing. sorry

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

ahh okay, i finally have a break, although my brain is absolutely dead, so pls bear w me if this doesn't make any sense ! 😩 anyway, i love that ur fic made me dream about him! any ewan char has to be a good dream 😂 but the cartel thing i think was bc my husband has been watching Narcos and so i was hearing it in the background yesterday lol. Michael and a cartel was an interesting mix lol

but onto your fic!! (TW: a lot of smut talking and spoilers to "Stuck On You" for anyone else who might be reading this) Ugh, idk where to start bc i literally loved it so much!! i think I've talked about before, but i love dark fics in general, but **especially** yours bc i think you capture it so well. you could tell me you majored in psychology and i'd believe it bc of how well and easy it seems for you to get into their mindset (any ewan char!). Like-- idk how to describe it, but it feels like you just know all of his chars personally from how well each of ur fics seem to match their personality. I've said before that you add so much little detail to ur fics as to not rush over things, and i could really tell here. my fav small detail was when you simply mentioned how he repeated entering her until he was fully sheathed bc he hadn't fully prepared her. like-- when i read that, my mouth kinda dropped and i had to just take a moment bc (1- ur girl can relate 😂) but also it made me stop and realise just how many fics I've read where it kind of just rushes past the first thrust. and honestly, i just enjoyed that detail *so much* bc it's relatable and realistic ? i love reading smut bc its fantasy, but I've-- and I'm sure many others-- have had that moment where it doesn't enter perfectly the first time and just reading a relatable moment like that was SO refreshing. okay, I'm going to stop w my rambling bc i feel like i might sound stupid now-- onto my questions bc im so curious about his mindset more! fair warning, I feel like some of these might overlap or be repetitive, but i didn’t know how to word them perfectly.

did Michael have an interest w her from the start, or was it only after she embarrassed him did he take an interest in her? did he/does he have any actual true feelings for her? bc the way he talks to her makes it seem like this is more of a hate/revenge thing than anything. like he's just so mean, but is there actually something more underneath all that spite ? and with that, do you think she would have genuine feelings for him as well or would it be this "codependency" thing? -- idk if codependency is the right term, but its better than what i was coming up with lol. her mindset during sex kind of seemed like that dumbification vibes, but she's clearly not actually dumb, he just looks down on her like she is-- which no surprise there, it's Michael lol.

ANYWAY ! i have probably made this way too long and questionably unbearable. again, i really really really apologise that this is probably a mess, bc my brain hurts so bad after the day I've had lol. this is not proofread, so i apologise I'm kind of just word-vomiting all this at you. i hope you've had a good day, Ange and that life is treating you kindly. 🤍

-Hannah Montana anon.

Aaahhh, thank you so much! I’m so glad you liked it! Michael is definitely a virgin, but he understands the mechanics of sex, and the body is willing. I strive for realism in almost all of my smut, so I’m glad that pulls through here.

Onto your questions!

Michael doesn’t notice her at all, until she embarrasses them both at the first night of Fresher’s week. He sets his sights on getting revenge, because he sees her as just another spoiled little rich girl, and he despises those types of people more than anything.

When he learns more about her circumstances - she’s there on a scholarship, genuinely cares about her studies, etc. he softens to her, but not by much - in his view, she is naive and needs to be taught a lesson.

It doesn’t become anything tangibly sexual for him until she kisses him. That’s what sets the wheels turning in his head of “I could ostracise this girl so much that I have her all to myself”

She is definitely into him, and he has effectively backed her into a corner. Basically, she has gotten what she wanted from the start - to have a brilliant mind to be friends with in order to have the “authentic” Oxford experience. And he has what he wants in the sense that he has broken her down to nothing socially and she’s now fully dependent on him.

There is the potential for genuine feelings to develop, but its current state is dark, twisted and reliant on lust.

Hope that all makes sense! Wishing you a lovely week xoxo

#asked and answered #hannah montana anon

[felixantares]

15 Questions | 15 People

Rules: Answer these 15 Questions, then Tag 15 People 

omg okay so ignore the fact that it's been well over a week and pretend I didn't absolutely forget about this. but thank you for the tag @the-francakes 💚

1. Are you named after anyone? Well originally yes, but since we ignore that name and I'm gonna get it legally changed eventually I'm going to tell you something more interesting. I named myself after a star: Felix means lucky, and Antares is the brightest star in the Scorpius constellation and sometimes known as the "heart of the scorpion". So I loosely named myself after my birth sign and a combo that could be interpreted as "lucky star". (also I just really like the name Felix and have since I was like 15)

2. When was the last time you cried? I can't remember, honestly. probably something small and dumb when I was overly frustrated and the tears definitely weren't actually about the thing I was crying over haha

3. Do you have kids? Lmao absolutely not.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? No, not at all.

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?  It really depends on the person? Typically clothes/hair but working as a security guard means that I notice a lot really quick just bc I'm trained to.

6. What’s your eye colour? Light brown!

7. Scary movies or happy ending? Oh happy endings for sure - not because I enjoy them more than anything else mind you (I love a good tragedy) but because I can't do scary movies, i'm a big baby - jump scares are a no go for me. I know not all scary movies have jump scares but they stress me out so bad the whole genre just kinda got ruined for me, not worth the risk.

8. Any special talents? Does art count? Idk if it counts as special since I went to uni for it. I also bake and decorate cakes and stuff, which not a lot of people know. I got paid for it a couple times in high school.

9. Where were you born? Canada :)

10. What are your hobbies? oh man, this question is always hard. Because art is my hobby, but also a job and also my education, so like ??? is it a hobby? but it's all I do lmao so I don't have any other answer.

11. Do you have any pets?  Yes!!! The fluffiest, stupidest little cat named coffee bean whom i adore with my whole heart. I would probably do anything for her 🥰

12. What sports do you play/have you played? I haven't played a sport since I was 14 and broke my wrist playing soccer in the rain (though I will say I played the rest of the game with it in a bandage and when I got to the doctor he was like "no it's like SUPER broken you should've come here immediately" and now my left wrist makes a funny little cracking noise every time i roll it in a circle).

13. How tall are you? 5'8″ or 5'9" (i forget)

14. Favourite subject at school? You know, you'd think with the everything about me it'd be something like english, history, or social studies, or maybe even theatre, but it's actually math. I did an AP Calc class just for fun even though I had enough credits to graduate without it.

15. Dream job? I have no dream job, I do not dream of labour. But more seriously, I really want to work in animation! I actually prefer drawing environments over characters (funny given I only draw characters these days) but ideally I'd like to do background/environment design for some type of children's animations like Hilda, Amphibia, and the Owl House.

oh god I definitely don't have 15 people to tag but uhhh @girl-with-goats @gloivy @venom0usbarbie @allalrightagain @soloorganaas (i hope it's okay I tagged you!!! i'm so sorry if not) and @vitaminpops

absolutely feel free to ignore if you've done it already or just don't want to!! 💚

#felix talks #tag game

[hardestgrove]

A prompt request in case it inspires you. Loving your Btvs/ST stuff and now I can't stop thinking. Mungrove with Vampire Slayer Billy (or The Slayer Billy) and vampire Eddie

HERE WE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO [HEAVY METAL SCREAM] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

rating: G/PG warnings: none really lotta swearing tho words: 2,404 pairing: Billy Hargrove x Eddie Munson

no Ao3 link atm bc i'm lazy and this is just SO bespoke. i genuinely don't know what i wanna do with all the stranger things/buffy the vampire slayer crossover stuff in my head djksdfgdfs. i'll make a post for the ao3 link if i ever make one.

NOTE: this is a TRANSGIRL!BILLY EXPERIENCE! slayer lore is a "girls only" thing which, when you expand that past late 90s mainstream acceptable progressivism i've always interrupted as people who have a female spirit/vibe/essence/whatever the fuck. basically not bio-femaleness but idk like gender vibes. (i'll also say i'm nonbinary myself and the blood i sweat over this gordian knot is ridiculous and this is what i have thus far so we're running with it)

it's also my first time writing a transwoman character so i hope i did right by the girlies. lemme know if anything should be edited!

Billie should’ve slayed Eddie years ago. He was basically the one smudge on her otherwise perfect slayer record. She couldn’t find it in her to do it thought no matter how much she tried. Sure they’d gone at each other a few times, a murder attempt here or there from either side but honestly none of it was all that serious. Their fights always seemed to fall apart though by the end so at this point they just didn’t bother with it really.

If she was being honest there was more to it then just that. For a dead guy Eddie was full of life, bright and charming and just so excited about things. Billie spend so much of her life hunting things down, being hunted, beating the shit out of things, getting the shit kicked out of her, killing things and trying not to get killed back herself. It was dark and lonely most of the time, even if she’d never trade it back for her old life it didn’t mean she didn’t wish she had more in her life than death. And while she’d never admit it to a soul, Eddie made her feel alive.

The majority of vampires seemed stuck in time but while Eddie’s style hadn’t changed much since the 70s, he was different. He was handsome with big brow doe eyes, lean bodied with a wavy brown shag he hadn’t changed in like, 20 years, but still looked really good on him. But he was dynamic in a way the others weren’t. His look wasn’t stagnation, it was preference. Billie had always liked how his hands where bigger than hers, even if it was just by a little. He’d somehow talked her into letting him give her some guitar lessons (yes dumb idea vampire near neck, she knew this. We’ve already established the Eddie weak spot here though) and she couldn’t stop coming back to how long and pretty his hands were, how they covered hers nicely when he helped her work out all the strings and movements.

Eddie had a band — of course — and it was a actually pretty good. It was kind of a shame Eddie’d been turned, he was really talented, if he’d lived he could’ve really gotten famous. Now that he was a vampire though he was pretty much regulated to the small stages only, though he was actually pretty big on the supernatural music scene. Much to her chagrin Billie was starting to feel like a groupie. She tried to catch as many of his shows as she could for years now. And yes, okay — she was a little starstruck. Eddie had seen all her favorite bands in concert when they were making some of her favorite albums, he’d jammed with Metallica when they were hot off Kill ‘Em All. They liked all the same music and Billie lived for music. Eddie was, frankly, kind of a real rockstar in the demon world, like their best kept secret from the humans when it came to rock. Watching Eddie play was electrifying. He was gorgeous and powerful on stage, totally in his element. She didn’t get why he was still hanging out on the Hellmouth, LA was only two hours away, he’d do so much better there.

They were doing a cover of “Am I Evil” by Diamond Head and Eddie was practically crooning it at her where she sat at the bar. She blushed in spite of herself. He was such a little shit, always pulling shit like this with her. She stayed in her seat and she didn’t look away however, that’d be admitting he’d won which was so never going to happen. She stayed their whole set and left when they packed up to go do her patrols. Just like always. And just like always somehow Eddie found her no matter where she was.

She was in Restfield Cemetery doing a clean up of any newly risen vampires when he sauntered out from behind a mausoleum his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket grinning his stupid adorable grin.

“Hey baby. How’s the day in the office so far?”

Billie rolled her eyes. “Slow and boring. It’s been nothing but fledges so far and not even a lot of them.”

“Well hey, I’m here now. Can’t do much about the lack of villainous lambs to slaughter but I can fix the boredom part.”

Billie rolled her eyes. “Right so I can be annoyed and not get anything done all at the same time.”

“Oh baby, don’t be like that.” He cooed, coming to place his hands on Billie’s hips. She was only a little taller than Eddie in her heels. “C’mon. What can I do to turn my best girl’s frown upside down huh?”

Billie blushed again and looked down, the hand not holding her stake fiddling with his beat up leather jacket. Her heart always skipped a beat when he called her things like “baby” and “best girl” and they both knew it.

“Nothing. I just wanna finish my stupid fucking patrol report back that there’s nothing going on in this shithole town and go bed.”

“Nah not buying it. I think I know what’ll make my babygirl smile again.” His breath was cool against her cheek as he nuzzled her. “How about a private concert huh? We finish up staking my distant relatives or whatever, head back to your place and I play some of your faves. I’ll take requests and everything.”

Fuck, he really had her now. Eddie was always buttering her up but he was really laying it on thick to night. He probably wanted something then and knowing her, she’d probably end up giving it to him if it wasn’t totally insane.

She nodded and Eddie grinned even wider against her cheek before kissing the corner of her mouth sweetly.

“There’s my girl, so sweet for me. Now lemme see how ya tear em apart huh?”

Patrolling with Eddie was always more fun than patrolling alone. They flowed well together in a fight and when there was nothing to do he was a great conversation partner. They always walked together so close their arms would brush as they went. Some nights Eddie would catch her hand and hold it, winking at her every time he did. She let him, because she was a weak bitch who lost her shit over holding hands with her vampire crush who she should be staking. With Eddie there the boring drag of patrol just flew by and they were heading back to her’s for the night in no time.

They still called it her place but Eddie had an invite and somehow over the few years they’d been getting closer all of his things had ended up in her apartment. They slept in the same fucking bed now for fucks sake. Somehow Eddie had weaved himself into her life so completely she couldn’t pull the edges apart anymore. She knew the Council wouldn’t approve if she was still living under their thumb, Hopper barely tolerated it as it was. Sure, she was the Slayer but she was a 20 year old girl too. A girl who wanted a life, and to love and be loved. She was still scared to admit it out loud, afraid if she did he’d vanish like everything else that’d been good her life, but she loved Eddie. She loved him so much. And the things he did and said— it was getting harder to convince herself that he didn’t feel the same. Not when he proved it every day.

So what if he was a vampire. Was it so wrong for her to want this? Was there ever going to be a normal guy who could even understand, let alone keep up, with her? Why should she hold out on the off chance that guy did exist somewhere in the world when she had this loving man right here, now?

Ever the gentleman Eddie opened the door for her, his hand resting on her lower back as he ushered her inside. They both went to the kitchen where Billie pulled out leftovers for her and a blood bag for Eddie while he got a mug out for microwaving his blood. They waited around together for their food to be warmed up, Eddie wrapping her in his arms and swaying them as he hummed. Dinner was always a pretty lazy affair and they scarfed their food down at the counter before unceremoniously dumping their dishes in the sink to be tomorrow’s problem. Finally they both got ready for bed, Billie getting out of her very cute halter and into a soft pink pajama set and Eddie stripped down to his boxers. He laid his warlock down next to her on the bed but before he set it up for their private concert he maneuvered her to the edge of the bed and knelt between her legs.

His hands were cool on her thighs has he rubbed little circles with his thumbs into her skin.

“Baby there’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you for a while now.”

Fear gripped her immediately, the self doubt she still couldn’t shake rearing its ugly head. Did he want to break up? Did he want something she couldn’t give? To do something she couldn’t do? Had this all been a lie to get her so blind and stupid she’d help him do something awful?

Eddie kept rubbing in those little circles, his eyes were warm and gentle. Full of love. She took the leap and went with trusting him.

She licked her lips, her voice only cracked a little. “Yeah Eds?”

“Move to LA with me.”

She stared at him stunned for a long moment, totally thrown for a loop. Never in her life would she have thought this is what he’d want to talk about. Slowly she collected herself.

“But, Eddie I can’t leave the Hellmouth. It’s my job.”

“There’s the new girl here now and she’s been doing great. You’re not chained here and it’s LA, we’re only 2 hours away. If they need us we can be there in no time.”

Jane was doing well, especially with the help of her little gaggle of loser friends and Hopper keeping an eye on her. But she was only 15, she was a kid. How could Billie leave this whole place to a kid? A voice in her head pointed out she’d been about that age when she’d become the Slayer and she’d been basically totally solo through most of her tenure here. Jane had a group of friends to help and a Watcher who took good care of her. She was infinitely better off than Billie had been at that age.

Still she couldn’t just leave.

“I can’t just leave it all on her, it’s my sacred duty or whatever to—“

“Baby,” He broke in, his voice and expression sterner than she’d ever seen. “You’ve already died once. “

Automatically her hand came to the scar on her chest and she rubbed it absently. They only had Jane because Billie had died. There was only ever one Slayer, as like, a semi-reincarnated chosen one thing. One died and the next was called. But Billie had been revived in the hospital so now there were two.

Eddie continued. “I’m not saying you stop slaying. I don’t think you can ever really stop being a Slayer just like I can’t stop being a vampire. But I don’t wanna see an encore of that shit. Ever. Once was enough. I’m not gonna let you get stuck living a small life in a small town because of some ancient prophecy shit anymore just so that prophecy shit can snuff you out before you got a chance to live. You deserve more. Sunnydale was only ever supposed to be a pitstop for the band but I convinced the guys to stay because I loved you the moment I saw you and I wasn’t leaving here without you. The guys are starting to really chafe now, the music scene here is only half decent cause it’s a Hellmouth and 2 hours down to LA for club gigs is getting to be a pain in the ass. They wanna move to where the action is and I think it’s time for all of us— you included— to make the leap. I held off on talking about this until we could make sure that Jane’ll be alright so you could leave with a clean conscience and she’s gonna be as fine as any Slayer can be. Baby, I love you. It’s okay to move on with your life. You’re a grown woman and you deserve to be somewhere with more opportunities for your future. Steve’s already down there and you always talk about how you miss him. Wouldn’t you rather be living closer to your best friend then stuck hanging around with teeny boppers?”

Billie’s eyes were hot with unspent tears. He was right. She missed Steve. He’d been her only friend since she’d blown into Sunnydale and he’d moved down to LA to get work and try to get into culinary school after graduation and his parents losing everything because of tax evasion. She loved Eddie but she still felt lonely without her best friend. And she did want to do more with her life, even if it was just party and be somewhere that couldn’t be easily walked in a few hours again. She missed living in a real city like San Diego. She hated the idea she’d been holding Eddie back but she also couldn’t stop crying because she was so happy he’d stayed. No one ever stayed. But Eddie’d taken one look at her and dropped everything just so he could be with her. God he was too good for her.

Still crying she nodded, trying to smile. God she was glad he’d waited until she’d taken her makeup off.

“Okay Eddie. You’re right, let’s move.”

Eddie beamed and kissed her, wrapping an arm around her waist and helping her to dry her tears with the other.

“Love you baby.”

For once, she felt brave. “ I love you too Eddie.”

If it was possible he beamed even harder and kissed her again soundly before setting up with the warlock bedside her on the bed.

“Okay! We’re celebrating! Any requests from my lady love?”

#writing.doc #eddie munson #billy hargrove #mugrove #vampire eddie munson #trans girl billy #the hellssover #there's so many buffy lore drops in here that i REFUSE to explain #even the HALTER is a buffy lore reference lol #me: [aggressively hurls the st fans following my st blog into the deep end of buffy nonsense w/ no glossary]