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mirrorforevers · 3 years

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here, there, and everywhere • graham coxon/reader

this fic is based on two prompts y'all sent me:

and

this fic really tested all of my blur knowledge holy Fuck. blur as talking heads au i guess. how cool would it be if they

1. had a girl bassist instead of the cheese tory dude

2. werent as unhappy as they were in the mid 90s (just a bit)

3. were just a little 🤏🏻 bit more female friendly lets just pretend this is a universe where the blurjob passes didnt exist heh

it took me everything i had to make this sound as realistic as it could be. u know these girls who think they could fix patrick bateman or don draper? perhaps y’all could fix blur

consider this a gift n not only me writing for your prompt, @nottuned! thank u so much for all your support n encouragement n for always bein so sweet 🥺 i hope u enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it!

let’s see how many references to unfortunate britpop moments y’all can find in this

also i hope i captured the silliness of the gossip and drama in that era well. if you enjoyed it, please leave an ask telling me more! ur feedback is rly important to me 😔✊🏻

tw (?) reader has shitty parents

word count: 7.938 (this one's quite long!)

smut. set in the 90s. au.

You were unlocking your door when you heard your house phone ring. The shrill sound echoed through the empty corridors as you hurriedly unwrapped your scarf, tossing your keys and backpack on nearby furniture as you ran to answer the call.

“Hello?” You answer, panting.

“Y/N?”

“Dave?” You smile, that call was a very welcome surprise. Your friend owed you an answer.

A few weeks ago, Dave Rowntree, your music classmate who became a close friend, told you that he had teamed up with two other proficient musicians to form a band. Dave was ecstatic, and every day he had new stories about his new friends to tell you between breakfasts and lunches that you shared between the countless hours of rehearsals. Even though you weren't part of the group, you already felt that you knew Damon and Graham like the back of your hand. Yin and Yang. One was expansive, ambitious, vain, impulsive. The other, shy, introspective, anxious and careful.

Damon Albarn wanted to be an actor, Graham Coxon had a firm foot in the visual arts. One was a fan of grand classical compositions, the other was a Beatles fan. They had been friends since they were children, in a seemingly unbreakable bond. Damon dropped out of his theater class not only because out of a sudden he had found a bigger calling in music instead of acting, but also because he couldn't stand being away from his best friend for so long. You found yourself often imagining their faces and voices while trying to make all of the wild and endearingly funny stories Dave told you more tangible in your head.

It was not long before Dave started dropping little hints that they needed someone else for their project. “It’s not that Graham isn’t good at bass,” he’d say, “but we could do better.” It wasn't at the top of your plans to be part of a band right now, especially as you were preparing intensely to join the Royal Academy of Music, and he knew it. When you mentioned the conversations you had with Dave about the boys on your family dinner, in quiet wonder and timid want of being part of something really exciting, your parents wrinkled their noses. Focus on the greater things, they’d say. Don’t let these boys distract you from your goal.

Our goal, they meant to say. Since you were born, you never knew if the things you wanted were really your will or theirs.

But anyway.

That dynamic went on for a while, until the day Dave invited you to audition for them while you shared a Diet Coke in the tube home.

“Will it take too much of my time?” You asked, coyly.

“Bold of you to assume we’ll let you in that quickly.” He chuckles, amused by your confidence. You playfully elbow him in return. He knew how good you were at what you did, though, and there’s lightness in his tone when he continues, “But no, unless you let it. You’ll probably have to stand up to Damon every once in a while.” He sips the drink, handing it over to you.

“What about Graham? How much is he determined to make it big?”

“Damon’s the one who wants it the most. Graham’s studying Fine Arts at Goldsmiths, so. There’s still cautiousness in him.”

“Huh. Okay then.” You reply, thoughts running wild. “Do we have a time and date?”

“Is tomorrow ok to you?”

“Sure. After our class?”

“Perfect.” The train reaches his station. He ruffles your hair: “See you tomorrow then.”

“See you.”

You don’t tell anything about it to your parents, you just warn them that you’ll arrive a bit later than usual. Dave’s intel was crucial to your choice of songs: knowing Graham was the beatlemaniac and also the rational brake to Damon’s tireless ambition, you knew who to please and have as an ally, so you build an innovative and fresh mashup of Paul McCartney’s greatest basslines to play for them. Of course it could backfire, but you didn’t care. You had a hell of a good ear anyway and if Damon wanted you to play anything out of the blue, you would improvise beautifully over it.

The day comes. You didn’t know why you were that nervous for an amateur audition. You weren’t even sure if it was the right path to follow, given that, depending on how focused Damon really was and how contagious his aspiration was, being part of a band could really take you out of your predestinated course. The reason why you were so nervous, now thinking a little more about it, may be because deep inside, you want your path to be a little less predictable. You didn’t want to fill your heart with hopes that you might make it big and travel all over the world because you didn’t even know them. But… what if it clicks? You knew some people in the scene whose work was getting seriously recognized out there.

Meeting them for the first time was an enigmatic experience. Damon was incredibly brash and cocky - not the first theater kid you’ve met in your life. Graham was way more approachable, though also a bit conceited when pushed just right. You wondered if you’d fit in that boys’ club, and decided you wouldn’t be an easy target for discredit or any kind of shit they might give you. “Took me a while to fully get their trust. You’ll do just fine”, Dave said, out of their earshot.

That gave you more fuel to play amazingly well. Damon definitely wasn’t one to be impressed quickly, but he was, when you finished your set. So was Graham - Graham was starry eyed with your performance, actually. Albarn showed you a song and asked you if you could improvise to it, just as you imagined. Of course you could, on the first play. You even suggested some adjustments to its structure. Your feedback was welcomed and noted.

Even though everything went surprisingly well, you still weren't sure if you would be a member of “Seymour”, as they called themselves. (You knew it wasn’t the best name, but you didn’t have a better suggestion at the time so you’ve kept your opinion to yourself.) Graham became eerily quiet out of a sudden and wouldn’t cross eyes with you the entire time you were there. Damon, well, was Damon. Perhaps he thought you were too ordinary and mainstream for deciding to play Beatles when he’s trying to be the new avant-garde Jesus.

But Dave's news was different than you expected. “They really, really enjoyed your audition. As I thought they would.” You can hear the smile in his voice. "When can you rehearse with us?"

Months after, on your first gig as a fully formed and integrated band, Damon was hit in the face by a guy twice his size, Graham vomited onstage and you and Dave had to take care of both. A beautiful way to close the already exquisite day you had, after you fought with your parents, got kicked out of your childhood home and gave up on entering the Royal Academy of Music two days after you received your acceptance letter featuring rave reviews of your entrance exam.

Dealing with these boys - no, grown-ass men - was hard, but not completely unpleasant. If it were totally unpleasant, you wouldn’t give up on your entire life to embark on such an adventure.

You - plural you - were so gifted and Damon’s compositions were so good. You could see that artsy pretentious mess of an act going somewhere. Of course, you were a bit lost in your life, but so were they, as you ran from city to city meeting new people and trying new things in your journey to fame.

Loneliness, once a close friend, became a distant acquaintance. One you didn’t know anymore.

You confess you were getting worried, though, with how much money you had left on your savings and how much you were spending lately now that your parents weren’t an active part of your life. Wanting to eat something you cannot dream of buying without that money being really useful in a much more critical situation, not having nearly enough money to replace something important that broke or got torn off was frustrating. Some basic things became luxuries out of a sudden.

One day in particular, you very briefly mentioned that you were dying to eat a slice of chocolate cake, but your voice was so small and everyone was so immersed in their duties you thought no one gave two shits to what you said. Two days later, Graham arrived late at rehearsal with a small chocolate cake in his hands, handing it over to you like it was a completely ordinary act. Nothing in the way he acted told you he expected a reward, it was so natural and… gentle. You knew no one in your band could buy a chocolate cake without it being apocalyptic to their personal finances during that time.

That day, you were assured by fate that feeling lost together was better than feeling guided alone.

The band finally got on track - strictly musically speaking. Personally speaking, many contemporaries who followed you at parties and other events described you as an ever-growing odd, annoying and intermittently disarming bunch - and Blur and its members became household names, at least in the UK. It became harder and harder everyday to impose yourself as an entire industry and its target public aimed to tear you down. Men couldn’t understand.

(Graham Coxon was the one who tried the hardest to.)

It was four in the morning. You’ve got used to following your bandmates to hospitals, running away from trouble or knowing when to relish in it. But it was the first time you offered yourself to clean up dried blood from one’s face, given how much you hated seeing the fluid and even fainted when younger whenever exposed to it.

You, so delicately, wipe the saline solution-soaked cotton across Graham’s face, who flinches at the cold sensation on his still sensitive skin. He stares at you with the eyes of a child, and you couldn’t help but give him a slight, warm smile in return, which he retributes. Your face conveyed gratitude and affection towards the one you were taking care of. Your hands still struggled to stay completely still after the surge of adrenaline your body received a few hours ago.

Being the only girl in a massive band, and one the music magazines and mainstream media loved sexualizing, meant having paparazzis in your window in odd hours (not that that’s acceptable in any hour, but you had to lower your standards even more these days), meant having different photographers trying to pressure you to get into all kinds of uncomfortable angles with skimpy-ass dresses and just count on the intervention of your fellow bandmates so they would stop, also having invasive male fans who would try to harass you in any way they could.

Of course the day where one of your bandmates would get into a fist fight with one of these men inserted into these categories would come. And even though they were all protective of you, each in their own peculiar, increasingly contradictory way, Graham’s dedication to it was sometimes commendable.

You were making your way through a small corridor of people on your way to the stage when a random guy cupped one of your breasts. It’s not like the venue was incredibly tight, it could not have been on accident and it made your blood boil. You turned around to scream at him, and Graham, who was just behind you, threw a punch directly towards the man’s face, without thinking twice.

And oh boy, took a lot of people and a sweet amount of time to separate the two after that.

After all was said and done, Graham had a few scratches, a black eye and a cut brow. He kept dodging your many “sorrys”, “you didn’t have to do this” and other expressions of guilt. “You have nothing to be sorry about, he deserved it”, he kept assuring you, like a mantra, just giving in to your pleas when you supplicated to take care of his wounds during intermission and after the show.

“I get why you did what you did, Gra. I hate that you took such a risk because of me, but I understand.” you say, voice cracking from not using it for a while after spending some good minutes in complete silence taking care of him. “However,” you soak another cotton ball in the saline solution a roadie got you, punctuating the word with a squeeze to the cotton to remove excess liquid. “I was worried sick about you. What if he… had a knife or something? You could’ve got seriously injured. Or killed.”

“Don’t worry about me. I’m perfectly able to have a good fight,” after wincing from the contact of the cold wet cotton with his dried blood, he purses his lips in a forced, shy smile, trying to light up the mood. He notices your hands are still shaking from the adrenaline, and takes one of them in his bigger ones, trying to calm you down. The fact that he did this for you, coupled with the fear and how tired you felt of having to go through that kind of situation once again, made you cry-laugh from how overwhelmed you felt.

His expression changes to one of pure compassion in an instant. “Hey, don’t--oh my,” he gets up from his chair to embrace you as you pour your frustrations through fat tears running down his shoulder.

“It’s so exhausting,” you mumble, through sobs. “Now I’m putting you in danger too. I feel like I did and I’m still doing everything wrong. I should be the one giving you a shoulder to cry on.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong! Anything at all, I promise you,” he says, tenderly, running his hands through your hair, still holding you tight. “It was his fault! I decided it was the right thing to do. You’re worth the risk. What people have been putting you through is unacceptable.”

“I’m not worth the risk!” You break apart from his arms, trying to get your point across. “What would I do without you if someone killed you? You need to be more careful!”

The silence hangs heavy between you two thanks to the weight of your words.

“You should’ve asked me before you lunged at him, at least. I don’t know.” You wipe your many tears as you move towards the nearest bottle of water to try to calm yourself down. “It’ll never end. I’m so afraid that these situations will get even worse. That,” you motion at his wounds and dirty clothes, “is a bloody tragedy. It’s a tragedy things escalated to this point. You can’t do that forever.”

“This is just a consequence. And something I would do for you in a heartbeat whenever necessary.”

“Graham, I don’t want you to get hurt because--”

“They hurt you. I won’t let you go through that alone. Besides,” he comes closer to you again. “As I already told you, I can take care of myself, most of the time.” He takes your face in his hands, his fingers so delicately running across your cheeks to dry your tears. You knew that gesture wasn’t his way of asking you for anything you weren’t ready to give him yet. He just wanted you to feel safe. “And I want to take care of you.”

“I’m the one cleaning your wounds.”

“A great partnership, I think.” Coxon chuckles softly, and finally gets a smile out of you. As he always does. “And they make me look cool, don’t you think?”

“Shut up.” You giggle, still feeling too emotional to return to the stage. You sigh: “Thank you for being there for me. You know I’m still not very used to it. Just please be safe.”

The roadie returns, a little flustered by interrupting your little moment together. “5 minutes and you’re back, guys.”

“Okay!” You both turn to answer her.

“I’ll be. No need to thank me for anything, Y/N.” He answers, giving your forehead a little kiss. “Let’s go.”

“Give me two minutes. I’ll be right behind you.”

“What’s it like, being the only woman in the band?”

Four eyerolls at once don’t seem to faze the interviewer. She waits for your response.

Apparently the thousand invasive questions regarding Damon’s love life and the same bullshit treatment of women as either rare specimen or sex dolls is what pleases the audience of music TV shows these days.

“What do you think?” is what you say.

“Must be a thrill to have these beautiful boys around you all the time. And we’ve heard you never even took advantage of it!”

You don’t like where this is heading. “Is that… a bad thing? I don’t know what you mean.”

“Perhaps some of our lady viewers might think it is. No judgement though!” She raises her hands. “You do you, it’s just that it’s quite unexpected to see prudes in non-Christian bands. I mean… from what we’ve heard.”

“I’m sorry? What are you trying to say? What did you hear?”

Her tongue clicks while she stares at you with defiance and mischief on her eyes, as she goes a little further and raises her voice so it can overlay yours. “Oh love. You do know what I’m talking about. There’s no need to be ashamed of being a virgin.”

Your cheek burns intensely and the only thing you wished for was for the ground to swallow you whole. Dave and Graham are especially uncomfortable. Damon’s a bit amused. The three knew almost everything there was to know about you. The one topic that surprisingly they didn’t know about is that you’re still a virgin.

They know you’ve been single for a long time. They know that’s part of what draws so much attention and twisted lore regarding you and your past, but that’s not something they felt they needed to know about you at all, and you truly never felt the need to comment about that with any of them, and they haven’t asked. Not even Mr. “the way to be successful in this game is to make all the boys wanna be you and all the girls wanna sleep with you. In your case that’d work in reverse” Damon Albarn.

“Is that even something that should be discussed in an interview about our music? Is that what your boss told you to ask her about?” Dave answers, his tone venomous.

“Musicians are way more than just music. You’re entertainment in every sense of the word.”

“Who told you that about me?” You asked, not sure if you want to know the answer.

“A lovely elderly lady who lives in Elgin Crescent. She knows you so well.”

That’s your mum. That’s how far low your relationship has degraded. You’re not surprised. That doesn’t feel less like a punch on your gut, but you don’t feel like tumbling again. Not today.

“I know who you’re talking about. Tell her I asked her to go fuck herself and burn in hell. In that order.”

“But that’s your--”

“Yes, she is my mum!” If people are going to expose you anyway, then why don’t you do it on your terms? “We’re truly entertainment in every sense of the word, aren’t we. Not everyone’s mum’s a cunt. Some of us aren’t that lucky.”

“You want to be the next Gallagher sister with the spicy remarks?”

“Not sure. But I do want to be the last person you ever get to interview.”

The management of the band wasn’t at all surprised your interview became UK’s topic of the week. People were heavily divided between family is family and we shouldn’t hate our relatives and blood isn’t everything, family can be shitty too. Your bandmates were proud of you. The management was angry but tried to understand, and didn’t press you for further explanations. They suggested a two-week break from everything so Blur could rest their image and start a fresh cycle after that, and you gracefully accepted it.

The whole thing seemed so ridiculous the more you thought about it. Did your mum tell the reporter about that gratuitously? What was their conversation like? How did that even happen?

You became the butt of jokes in some places. You saw other famous people doing challenges between them, countdowns, all sorts of crude remarks. What a pathetic, sad chapter of your career.

You dial Graham, and you feel like your heart was about to burst out of your chest.

“Hey, Gra. It’s me.”

“Hey, Y/N.” He sounds pleasantly surprised. “How's it going?”

“Better, I guess. I have to take my mind off all that chaos though. Are you available right now?”

“Yeah.”

“You’ve been owing me a movie night for quite a while now and I miss spending time with you. Wanna come over?”

“Aww. Sure, I--um. Do you want me to bring anything?”

“I’m pretty sure I got everything we need here--ah… I think I don’t have any more beers.”

“I’ll buy some then. See ya in a few minutes.”

Actually, you couldn’t take all that chaos off your mind because that was the only thing in it. You’re feeling so nervous.

The main reasons sex wasn’t a priority for you until now were:

You didn’t have any real opportunities of losing your virginity in your teens. You were impossibly introspective until, like, 3, 4 years ago, and the way your family worked hasn’t really allowed you to get really close to people. Be it boyfriends, girlfriends or just friends. Anything that threatened to take time off the various tasks and classes your parents assigned to you just couldn’t be part of your life. To be honest, you still struggled a bit to form meaningful connections with people thanks to how you grew up.

The moment you stopped being shy, you noticed it was a real man’s world out there, especially in music, classical or not. You didn’t want anyone to think you fucked your way up to the top, you didn’t want any messy affairs. Also, you had yourself, and you didn’t get all of the hype regarding the concept of screwing someone. But apparently there’s a lot you’ve been missing, given the importance people seem to give to it. After that incident, even though you swore to yourself you wouldn’t give in to any kind of misogynistic pressure, that was one that really got under your skin.

You never really found someone who you felt 100% safe with in that sense until the one who’s about to arrive at your house appeared in your life. Bloody hell, and you don’t even have anything romantic going on. By the time you were a Blur member, you’ve fooled around a bit, but not all the way. You knew how to kiss, knew how to touch yourself and even brought manual satisfaction to some random fool you thought you were into one time. But perhaps this is the time to go all the way. Why not? Everyone knew how close you two were. He made you feel special. He was so kind. And gorgeous. And--

You hear a knock on your door. It’s him. Beers in hand, hair somewhat in place, twitchy as ever.

He comes inside and you feel like your legs will give up anytime. It was not the first time he visited you. It was one of many, actually, and he noticed you were acting… different.

“Y/N, are you okay?” He asks after a brief dialogue between you two, after plating some snacks for both of you.

“Graham...” You sigh, being really careful with your words. “What is your perception of me?”

“My perception of you?” He smiles. “I… think you’re great. You’re fun to be around. You’re one of the best musicians I know, if not the best. Why are you asking me that?”

“N-nothing. It’s nothing. Also, I asked the wrong question. What was your first perception of me?”

“Uh… the day of your audition?”

“Exactly. You barely talked to me that day.”

His eyes lower to his own feet. “I was really timid, actually. I wasn’t used to being near any girl, especially one who… w-would spend so much time around me if everything went well.”

You giggle. “I thought you hated me.”

“Never!” his smile turns into a full blown laughter. You melt at his confession. “Also because it seemed like you were trying to read my mind or something.”

“Of course! Because I thought you hated me!” Now that was a laughter you two shared. You do a voice: “‘Why is that pesky girl trying to get in my band?’”

“My goodness, no! I don’t even sound like that - you know what, I changed my mind. You suck. Because, besides the fact you don’t even know what I sound like, you still haven’t told me why you are asking me that in the first place.”

You couldn’t help but notice how he slightly cornered you physically in one of the kitchen corridors. Graham could be really persuasive when he wanted to.

“Okay. Right. Um. I’ve been thinking about some stuff.”

“What, exactly?”

“Everything that happened this month. The great virginity debacle,” you roll your eyes, and he scoffs.

“You don’t own anyone any information about what you do or don't do with your life. Everyone’s being so invasive. That was incredibly childish of the reporter to do, and we talked about that hundreds of times.”

“Yeah, but… you know what, forget it.”

“Tell me, Y/N. I just said that because I want you to know you were not in the wrong.”

“I know. It’s just… I’ve been thinking that maybe it’s silly for me to… keep closing myself for affection. Any kind of affection.”

“What are you talking about?” His brows furrowed in curiosity.

“I’m not sure if it’s the pressure that finally got under my skin, but… I’m willing to learn what all the fuss is about. Maybe it’s silly that I’m still a virgin.”

He bites his lips, still processing what you just said, expression unreadable. Perhaps you’ve treaded a ground you shouldn’t. You step back both literally and figuratively. “I’m sorry I even brought that up--”

“No, no, don’t be.” He assures you. “I’m just… surprised, that’s all. I swear.”

“And...” You know what. You already went too far, so why not go all the way. You’ve already gone way past the point of no return. “I was wondering if… you would… popmycherry?”

His eyes widen, yours still closed. When you finally open them, he’s closer to you again.

If his head was a machine, you’re sure it would be releasing lots of steam and shaking due to overprocessing. You felt like you just ruined everything.

“Y/N, you don’t need to do it if you don’t really want to.”

“But I want it! At first I thought I didn’t, but then I thought...”

“I don’t want to be part of that if you’re just doing it to fulfill weird expectations.”

“But it’s not that. Not just... that. I asked about your perception of me because I really like you, Gra. I think we should be more than friends and I wanted to know what you think about me. And I want to know what the fuss is about, yes, but I’m not telling you that just so I can lose my virginity to prove some point. I’m telling you that because I like you, I want to kiss you, and I think it would be a great idea if you showed me what it’s like. Y-you know, sex.”

“I-I can’t believe it. Did you even have any movie in mind?” His smile’s back, but you’re still not confident about what his answer will be.

“I didn’t. I’m sorry. You don’t have to--”

He sighs. “I was in love with you the moment I first saw you, actually.” He says it like he’s releasing a huge load out of his back, his arms crossed. Now your eyes widen, and you hold your breath without even noticing. “I didn’t want you to feel pressured. I know how you feel, or, felt about relationships, so… there wasn’t any reason for me to tell you that. And what I said about being timid was just half of the truth.”

“Huh?”

“I also was really intimidated by how pretty you looked. You can’t imagine how.”

“No way.”

“It’s true. I felt like I wasn’t even worthy of looking at you, really.”

“You’re joking. That’s mean, Gra.”

“I’m not. I’m really not.” He doesn’t look like he is joking. He looks relieved. “I’m really not. That’s why I’m so surprised by your request.”

“I’m nothing special.”

“You are everything to me. But I can’t accept your offer, not now.”

“Are you… seeing someone? Am I too late?”

“No. Definitely not. I just want you to be sure you’re not doing it because people are saying you should.”

“Graham, I’m a grown woman.”

“I know.”

Graham carefully presses his slightly chapped lips to yours, kissing you for a few precious, heart stopping seconds before pulling away; his voice is impossibly silky when he suggests, “Let’s watch a movie. How about The Godfather? I heard it’s airing tonight. Then, if in two weeks you don’t change your mind, tell me and I’ll be glad to help you with what you want. Do we have a deal?”

“That’s so unfair. I want you so bad.” You whisper.

“Tell me if you still do in two weeks.”

You sigh, defeated. “...Deal.”

You definitely notice the subtle shift in Graham’s personality and actions after that fateful night. If you were already close, both figuratively and literally, it now seemed like he would use any excuse to always touch you, be near you, sometimes tease you. The shift was subtle, though, don’t forget it’s still Graham Coxon we’re talking about - the constant “is it okay if”s or “is it alright if I”s were still there, as careful as ever. You don’t even talk about your deal that entire time, or even kiss again - sometimes you wondered if it was even real or just a fabrication of your mind.

The way he now caressed your hand discreetly when you listened to Damon’s ramblings, the way his hands now went directly to your waist when your games became too handsy, the way he seemed to be madly in love with everything you were and still are from the start - made you realize you were ready for this man to be a consistent part of your life.

The dust of the controversy was settled, and your own intentions were 100% clear to you now. The societal pressure has waned. The need for Graham to be your first persisted. After exactly 2 weeks have passed, you call him again, yearning to share the answer with him.

One beep.

Two beeps.

Three beeps.

Four beeps. “Hello?”

You release a sigh hidden deep inside of your lungs. “Graham, it’s Y/N.”

“Oh. It’s been two weeks.” You could hear the contemplative tone of his voice.

“...Yeah. That’s precisely the reason I’m calling you.”

“Do you still want to…?”

“...Desperately.”

“Ok.” He chuckles, flustered as hell on the other side of the phone, probably one of the prettiest sounds you’ve ever heard. “Right. Ok. Your place or mine?”

“I think there’ll be an element of mystery if I go to your place this time.” You lose some of the constraints this silly shyness has been tying you on. “Do you have everything we might need there?”

“We don’t need a dungeon, you know.”

“The basics.” You make your smile heard.

“I do have… I do have the basics.”

“See you in a few minutes then.”

“Will you want to… ease into it? Or just go straight to it?”

“God, don’t make it awkward!” Your cheeks burn, your smile turning into contagious laughter. “Maybe… I don’t know. Ease into it, I guess? A movie night… but with s-something else?”

“Okay. Sounds good.”

“Alright then. See you.”

“See you.”

You don’t choose any particularly fancy or sexy clothes, instead settling for a slightly oversized yellow striped shirt he gave you as a birthday present some months ago and some skirt that fit you well. He wasn’t one to lavish his loved ones with gifts all the time, but few things were as precious as the look on his face whenever he saw you wearing something he gave you or, hell, even eating something he paid for you. You’re thrilled to see it again when he opens the door for you, it easing some of your deepest doubts.

2001: A Space Odyssey is already playing on the TV when you arrive. Despite it being one of your favorite movies of all time, and his, you’re not mad it was already halfway through when you arrived. It wasn’t your main priority to rewatch it for the 17th time tonight.

He offers you some wine, which you accept to ease the nerves. You sit on his couch, and he shares the cozy space with you, now mindlessly throwing one of his arms around your shoulders. You cuddle up to him, and everything seems peaceful in the world for a while.

The tip of his fingers softly caress your lifted knee, absentmindedly. You couldn’t help but notice how well his body fits with yours, how your skin was apparently made for him to touch, and the anxiety rumbles in your stomach like a storm in a wild wavy sea. After some minutes, you raise your head, his big brown eyes meeting yours as if asking you a silent question. You leaned up a bit more to press your lips to his, in a silent answer. The sweetness in him makes this moment as precious as every other moment you ever shared with him. His hands enter your hair, making you shiver a bit from the unfamiliarity and the electricity of it all - but it doesn’t sway you from deepening the kiss, wanting more of his taste, more of this, more of him.

“Do you wanna take this to the bed?” He whispers, after noticing your moans were becoming more frequent and needy. You nod, and you are taken by surprise when he carries you bridal style to it, hiding your excited giggles in his broad shoulders.

Graham wasn’t exactly the most organized man in the world - so the fact that his bedroom was now impossibly tidy was something that positively caught your attention. He put some planning into this. He lays you down and you part your legs, beckoning him to meet you between them. He does, and you go back to the breathtaking makeout session. You notice he’s holding himself back a bit, taking his time, his warm tongue moving smoothly, not hurriedly, against yours. His self control falters a bit though, given how he can’t stop grinding against you. You follow the rhythm of his hips a bit timidly and not nearly as in sync as you’d really like, though the pressure his covered cock is creating against your core can already be felt and some particular thrusts are able to fill at least partially the aching, wet need growing within you.

“How do you feel about oral?” He asks, breath warm near your ear, his voice raspy and spent by his desire for you.

“Um… It would be my first time receiving or doing it.”

“Would you like me to go down on you?”

“Wow. I never thought I would hear you saying something like that.” You smile, still assimilating the situation you’re in, trying not to show how badly his voice is affecting you. “Sure.”

“I never thought I would get to propose this to you. Aren’t we full of surprises lately.” He smiles back, warmly. He notices your hands trembling a bit from how anxious you are while you’re taking off your underwear with his help, and as he lowers himself to where you need him most, he takes your hands in his as an act of reassurance. “Tell me what you like. Tell me if what I’m doing works for you. I want this to be a great experience.”

“You want me to get addicted to you, that’s what you want,” He chuckles, lovingly kissing your thigh as a reply. “Okay, Gra. Guess I’ll find out along the way.”

You quickly take a peak below you to see the lower half of his face disappear in the middle of your thighs. The sight alone sets your fire ablaze, as he hooks his arms around your thighs and lifts you closer to his mouth, his lips ghosting over the curls between your legs tantalizingly and his breath catching when your hips jerk forward.

As he begins his ministrations, you immediately notice it’s unlike anything you’ve ever felt. That feeling was completely alien to you. It was even wetter than you expected, and weird, but powerfully pleasant. Before this exact moment, you had a firm belief that hardly anyone else would make you feel the same way, or better, than you do yourself, but apparently you were very wrong. Thankfully you were wrong. “My god,” you gasp as the flat of his tongue drags over your folds, too much and not enough, and you jerk at the contact. “This is great. So weird, but-- great.”

He moans at your response, his movements carefully enthusiastic. He works his tongue between your folds and traces up to curl the tip of it around your clit, and it’s quite endearing and madly arousing to see how he eats out you like you’re the sweetest and tastier dessert he has ever tasted. You involuntarily buck against him with a desperate sound the moment he moves his tongue and lips in a particularly wicked way, something that definitely doesn’t go unnoticed by him, but you still feel the need to highlight in case it didn’t - “That. Keep doing that, please,”

And he does. The building of this climax is also different than the ones you already had by your own hands, and is more coy. As he sees the drops of sweat sliding along your soft skin and the expressions on your face as you get lost in this new but enchanting sensations, his hesitation and self-control fades away; there’s nothing uncertain in the way he buries his face in your cunt now, nothing restrained in the groan he lets out as he devours you and drinks you down as if you’re the first stream of water he has seen in days.

His tongue glides deeper in your folds again and again, swirling up through the wetness you’re coated with to tease at your clit while he grunts and strains closer, squeezing your thighs with both hands tight. The wave of heat inside of you is cresting so fast, you don't even know how to tell him, how to signal that you’re nearly done for and, in the end, it happens too fast to even try. He sucks at your clit, circling it with his tongue, once, twice, and then you’re crying out, shaking underneath him, trying to keep your thighs from clenching too hard around his head as he laps you through it with with urgent whimpers and moans, as if he cannot have enough of you.

You’re still trembling when he rises, the look on his face revealing to you how proud he feels by making you feel this way. It looks so good on him.

You fail miserably at the simple task of connecting words together after that, choosing instead to collect your remaining strength, prop yourself up and beckon him again to keep kissing him and learn, through his talented tongue, how you taste. He kisses the thin fabric of the shirt at your chest that covers you from view, your throat, your jaw, and before he reaches your impatient lips, he notes, sinfully, “Seems like you enjoyed yourself, love.”

“That was… unbelievable. Stars, I want to make you feel good too. Please show me how.”

“Keep kissing me,” he begs, voice still strained from how aroused he is. “I want to be inside you so bad. Let’s get you prepared.” You’re still so sensitive, you tread on overstimulation when his fingers lightly touch your clit, making you break the kiss in a hiss. He traces a line on your folds, inspecting the impact his mouth had on you. “So wet for me.”

“Bit slower, Gra,” He complies to your breathy plea, his fingers now more tame as he slowly spreads your wetness throughout your pussy. He stretches towards the nightstand to grab a bottle of lube, interrupting his contact to spread some on his fingers before unhurriedly slipping his middle finger inside of you. The coldness of the gel makes you shiver in surprise, the easiness brought by it very welcomed. Again - the sensation is odd. Completely unfamiliar. The feeling of having something inside of you for the first time, going further than you ever dared to try, probing, exploring; the coldness of the lube clashing against your burning hot cunt. But it also felt nice. The focused look on his face was adorable, he looked like he was a scientist in the middle of very complex research.

Despite the panting, the messy hair and the fire in his eyes.

Your body already has a lot of new sensations to process simultaneously, so when he asks you to take off your bra and shirt so his tongue can work on your nipples - which you gladly accept, you feel like you’re on sensual overload. His tongue, again, so talented, takes your mind off the slight burning you feel when he introduces his ring finger to your soaked, throbbing core, his focused, carefully overpowering and constant stimulation driving you insane.

“Does it feel good?” He asks, voice muffled by your breast. You nod, carried by the wave of pleasure sweeping you.

“Yes. God, yes.” You pant, tangling your fingers tightly on his thick hair as an encouragement, a desperate sound escaping from your lips the moment he reaches a certain point within you you didn’t even know existed, hot mouth continuing to lick and suck your nipple. Even though you were spent by your last orgasm, he was indeed getting you addicted to those new feelings, and even though this was heavenly, truly heavenly, you needed more. “Gra, I’m ready, I think.”

“You sure?”

“Yes. Please.”

Releasing your nipple from his lips with a sounding pop, he eagerly frees himself from his trousers - hard as a brick - and puts protection and lubrication on, swiftly positioning himself between your thighs while stroking himself to the sight in front of him. You motion to take off your skirt, and he holds your hand, not letting you. “Don’t. It’ll be really hot to fuck you in this.” He confesses, giving your forehead a kiss in a very different context than before. He aligns his forehead with yours, each of your lips just barely touching while you breathe each other’s air. He looks deep into your eyes, slowly running the tip of his cock between the slick folds of your pussy, coating himself in the remnants of your pleasure. “Do you trust me?”

You trust me to know your limits? Not to go any further if you don’t really want me to?

“Absolutely.”

The only response you get from him is a shuddering, helpless moan into your mouth and you hold him tighter to you, grinding your still sensitive cunt up against his cock while he pulls hard at the soft fur next to your head. You feel your soaking pussy lips part around the solid curve of his length and gradually coat the underside of him in slick with every gentle circle and roll your hips make, as he finally pulls away from your mouth to drop his forehead to your neck. He then, very slowly, penetrates you, stopping when he hears the noises you make indicating you’re struggling to adjust to his presence. Out of everything you’ve felt in the last minutes, this was by far the most painful sensation. “This-- is new,” you note, your face completely incapable of hiding the discomfort. He also notices that.

“Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?”

“It’s okay. I’ll get used to it.”

“It’s not supposed to be about endurance, you know.” He says, a bit breathless and worried, caressing your hair. “Tell me when it’s okay to move. Or if you feel too much pain.”

After some long seconds and some deep breaths, you say: “Okay. Go on.”

“As you wish.”

He moves inside you at a very slow pace, the lubrication clearly making it easier for you to handle it. It still hurts, significantly, but the sensation of being filled is also surprisingly arousing.

His hand moves to your sensitive clit again in small, measured circles, your little moans being a mixture of the pain of penetration and the sheer ecstasy of seeing him falling apart because of you. The way his chest heaves while the drops of sweat start pearling his fair skin, the furrowed brows and broken groans, the thickness of him as he rests heavy up against your entrance, the way his voice presses deliciously tight in his throat as he gasps out into the quiet room - everything’s making your chest burst in love and satisfaction. You tighten your grip around him and roll your hips up into his cock, letting it break you open nice and slow; it stretches you wide with a deliciously sharp fullness and pleasure rips through you, and Graham becomes even more vocal as he picks up a steady and gradually faster pace. He turned all of your keys, it’s about time you turn some of his.

“Graham, deeper,” you whimper, continuing to tighten your legs and hoist yourself up, lifting your hips to take his cock deeper inside you. His name rips itself from your throat while Coxon clenches his jaw and starts to lose himself in the pleasure, holding you down into the bed while he allows your desperation to guide him to the perfect angle and speed to sate you. He found denying you to be impossible.

He snarls and curses as he holds you down and rails you, determined to make you sing again before he finishes, and to his delight, your heightened sensitivity gives him what he wants. And this time, he couldn't hold on.

Graham kisses you one last time as he groans and gives in, head dropping to your neck again. You didn’t reach a second climax, but stars, what an experience you just had.

When he comes back to himself enough to realise he still had you practically folded in half, he carefully pulls his softening cock free, taking the condom off and taking the strands of hair out of your face as you struggle to catch your breath. You suggest a shared bath, a suggestion he gladly accepts.

Too tired and too sore for pillow talk, comfortable silence falls as your hand finds his, and you lay, listening to each other’s breathing slowly settle.

I could get used to his little snore on my chest, is the last thought that twinkles on your mind before you fall asleep snuggled with him.

#graham coxon #alex james #damon albarn #dave rowntree #blur #britpop #smut #imagine #reader insert #graham coxon x reader #graham x reader #y/n #fluff #au #fanfiction #blur band

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aspiestvmusings · 3 years

Text

ZEP S2 WISH LIST

Here is my wish list for ZEP future season(s):

This is based on a list I posted on another site after the finale. I've just expenaded on it. And added more things to the list:

One: Joan = CEO. Zoey or Max = Joan’s job (Zoey = Joan & Max = Zoey OR Max = Joan). -- Because they gotta keep Max around on the 4th, since it’s workplace centered show. And he’s free & looking for a job & he has loved working there & has been for 5 years, but he doesn’t want his old job back as a coder. This would allow them to deal with this the best. Without casting anyone new, and having the main cast all together in scenes, while also creating new dynamics... Because Joan is the new CEO (cause DMD is gonna be away for 6-19 months, so Joan is possibly not gonna be around as much for a while... a storyline written because of the actresses LG’s filming schedule conflict). So it’s either gonna be that Zoey takes Joan’s job (and Max Zoey’s job) or Max takes Joan’s job (and Zoey remains in hers...cause she has too manhy things to deal with currently to handle the responsibility of Joan’s job)

Or as an alternate option: Max does continue on his own path, and part of his character development (and part of more backstory for him, and his growth) will be his new career path. And I hope it won’t be on the 6th floor/at some other SrpkPoint team, but that he’d go on and start his own business or something. That’d be interesting, and source for many storylines.

Two: Abigail returning from Africa & getting that internshop at Sprk Point. Tobin + Abigail (since KT has said he wants Tobin to fall in love) -- I really want to see Abigail again. and they did set up the possibility of that in S1. Also... this would allow Howie to return, too (as her dad now, not as Mitch caregiver)

Three: Max & Mo friendship. More of that. Team M&M being there for Zoey...at this time of grieving. The only two people who know about her superpower (the only two she’s told...cause the MRI technician might be “on the know” too? The third person who knew is not physically there anymore)

Four: Max’s new look: beard (and locks). See: Skylar Astin’s social media posts during quarantine for the visual of the look. I mean... if we already had Tobin, David & Simon... all have a beard or a shadow of a beard...in the shows Pilot, then how/why would they (read: the network/studio) not allow Max to have one? The network made the actor shave for the show/S1, but... times they are changing. And the new look would fit... perfectly into the storyline. I mean.. Max is unemplyed for now, staying at home (not going to the offfice, so no “reason” to shave). Plus he said it himself... he’s looking forward to trying new things..etc. So it would make sense storyline wise, too.

Five: Max & Tobin friendship - exploring more of this. It’s one of the dynamics we haven’t seen much in S1. But both Tobin 2.0 & Max 2.0 are extra great, and they’d work well together.

Six: Tobin’s squirrel! Can he bring his pet squirrel to work again, please?

Seven: More Team SparkPoint! More scenes, more songs for, more interactions with, more backstory of other member of the Team (Tobin, Leif, and everyone else) I really need there to be more song for Tobin/Kapil.

Eight: The Max & Zoey office pool: Tobin being in charge of the bet “when will they get together”. Since everyone knows that Max has had a crush on Zoey for the longest time, and they’ve seen her sing “I’m Yours” to him (and probably more)... it’s time for this storyline. Because there is definitely some betting been going on about Zoey/Max, and if/when they will be together.

Nine: More backstory to all (side) characters: The Clarke’s (Maggie, Zoey, David, Emily), Mo, Tobin, Leif, Joan, Max... How/When they started to work at Sprk Point. Their family. Their “outside work” life. Their personal experiences with grief (Zoey & Simon may be the only ones who have lost their dads, but Joan is defintely not the only person Zoey knows who has lost someone close... and she/we are just not aware ogf it yet)

Ten: Max & Simon: Both men agreeing to take a step back & take themselves out of the competition in Zoey’s mind, letting her have her alone time & family time after the funeral. Zoey taking time to think, and reflect...on things. And then sitting down to talk with both men (either all three together, or with each separately), and telling them everything/the truth. Telling Max about her connection with Simon and what happened on her “anger phase day”. Telling Simon about her connection and history with her best friend, Max and what happened on the day when the bad moon rose. And then either choosing one of them...or...if they are all open to it...then they could all be in a poly relationship... In other words: honesty from all. And no love triangle, cause that doesn’t work or fit anymore after S1. ETA [Dec 11th]: Oh, well...we all knew this wish of mine wasn’t fully gonna come true in early S2. The “triangle” is still there & both continue with their “heart songs” apparently, but we got a bonus out of it all: the two men are “best buddies” now. That’s something at least...

Eleven: Exploring the Max & Zoey relationship (co-workers, friends, romantic couple) through the eyes of others/people around them: We’ve seen Simon, who was an outsider & didn’t know them much, notice the connection between Max & Zoey. We’ve seen him say that he’s noticed how close the two are, and it’s also noticable when they are spending less time together. He’s even asked if the two are/have been a couple. So... he’s been aware that there is more to Max & Zoey than she has told him. Cause she keeps telling him they’re just friends & he has no reason to be jealous..etc... when he can see/sense that there is/was more... (and it’s possible that had she been honest with him from the start, he’d not “come between the two”...though IDK). How others see them.

Twelve: Zoey admitting to herself that she hasn’t been fair with the two men in her life. Telling both the truth. Being open about her real feelings..for each. Zoey being more open with her own feleings, not running away from deep emotions. Not being scared of “what if-s”. Taking her own advice...to not keep it all (the grief) inside her, and instead talk about it...with loved ones. Dealing with it. And looking at things from a new, different perspective. Going after her joy... and realizing it’s not as far as she thinks. Realizing that she can live and love again after her dad is gone. Zoey admitting to herself that she formed an emotional grief bond with Simon only/mainly/mostly because she had a crush on him and wanted him for his body. That that was her motivation. Cause that was why she was so eager to help him, and why she continued her emotional affair with him.

THIS IS WHAT HAS TO HAPPEN...FOR ME TO “LIKE” THE MAIN CHARACTER. Until she claims it’s all due to the powers or grief & won’t accept it’s her own choices & doing, I’m not gonna be able to fully enjoy the storylines. She may be grieving, she may be “stressed out” due to the power and she may have a “hot mess” personality in general, but since for me none of it is logical & I see her behaviours and all as irrational & controversial, I can’t “get” the character. To me her behaviour and all don't match up (and s much as I try convincing myself it’s cause of grief or powers or...) I cannot convince myself that those explain it. Hence she seems “OOC” to me... back & forth, all depending too much on the seasons set up (things happen in premiere, for sweeps, for finale... cause there have to be twists then, so even if they don’t add up or aren’t logical, they happen...)

As Maggie put it, when Zoey lashed out on Howie: “We do not talk to people like that.” AND as Mo out it “don’t blame it on the power, this one’s all on you”. Meaning... she cannot claim that all of it is due to her grief or powers. And personally need her to stop being in denial & claiming it’s “due to grief/powers”, when its been made clear she’s aware she is actually just trying to stay in denial....

Thirteen: Zoey + therapy & Simon + therapy: both taking time to properly grieve, and heal. And acknowledge their mistakes: Simon (emotionally) cheating on Jessica (he may not be a bad person, but he did a “bad thing”). Zoey leading both men along and being dishonest.

Fourteen: Maggie going back to work, continuing her landscape/floral business...without Mitch. But shell need someone to help her. The perfect candidate would be Autumn. She loves all things nature! Also...any excuse to have her (Stephanie) back.

Fifteen: Paul (the family friend, who we saw in 1x06 & 1x12) being back. He’s the most likely candidate for a possibly romantic storyline for Maggie. IF they decide to write one. (and we all know TV shows like to write all that)

Sixteen: Mitch still being there... even if he’s not. In their dreams. In flashbacks. In Zoey-ality...singing to her. Any excuse to have Micth (Peter) back...as much as possible. And the “Mitch effect”: how he’s shaped everyone (Maggie, Zoey, David, Emily, Max...) who knew him... his “ideas” living on through them. Big Moments...

Seventeen: Baby Mitch [cause, let’s be real, David & Emily are gonna name their baby boy after his grandpa...in some way or form)! David & Emily as parents. David as a father... even if he’s had doubts about himself as a dad [the whole “I dont think I’m manly enough” plot they did]

Eighteen: Aunt Zoey -- Zoey as an aunt to “baby Mitch”. David & Emily asking Zoey & Max to be the babies godparents (they would...cause he’s like a family, and they have no idea about any of the triangle drama...probably). Zoey babysitting baby Mitch. Zoey & Max babysitting baby Mitch. Cause let’s face it - they would not let Zoey do it alone - she’d be too anxious/nervous... #classictrope

Nineteen: Throwbacks to: The day that Max & Zoey met..5 years ago..a the company orientation day, and to other big moments in their friendship (how the movie nights started...). Leif’s first day...which was 7 years ago... sao hes been there longer. The day Max met Zoeys family, and seeing many of the moments they had together (any excuse to have Micth/Peter back) - the holidays, the summer barbeques... and how everyone knew about Maxs feelings for Zoey.

Twenty: More Zoey/Mo friendship. And more about her other neighours. Maybe her shy downstairs neighbour is ready for that moonwatching adventure on the roof? Speaking of which...can we get some astronomy/math storylines (backstory and expansion of Zoey’s interests - how it started, what she’s doing now...)

Twenty-One: More singing & dancing...in whatever form. In Zoey’ality/Zoeys head, in dreams, in the form of karaoke or flash mobs. And one thing’s for sure... we need Zoey to SING...for real...to Max..once she’s made up her mind and chooses him. Whether it’s a flash mob, or karaoke..or just... “serenading” him... but she is her fathers daughter, and to parallel Max’s flash mob love confession & honouring her dad’s love for big moments, bigger memories...her “confession” should also be in the form of song...and dance.

Twenty-Two: More people finding out about the power...though I don’t really see her “trusting” this secret to anyone but the people she already has told. Except for, maybe, her mom. It could help her if she’d know that Mitch communicated with her/them in a way...during his last months. And maybe she’d tell Joan. But... I actually do not see her telling Simon... even if they do make her choose him for now...cause she’ll make bad choices due to being a grieving mess. And unlike with her best friend, where she can request any feelings/heart song..or none at all... I don’t see her doing the same with her office crush, so any possible make out session will be ruined...as now it seems he is emotionally available, and “likes her back”, so he’s about to sing to her...during such moments. Yet...if they do get closer and she doesn’t tell him... that alone will drive them apart..the secret(s). And yet...if she will tell him...then I do not see a scenario where he will be okay with it, and as chill as Mo, or even as mildly chill as Max was. Because his entire belief in them is based on his belief that she has this natural connection with him...when in fact she’s using a CHIRP style device that helps her read his mind/heart. And unlike others, I do not see the possibility of him being chill or OK with her power, and her not telling him.

Twenty-Three: CHIRP vs ZOEYALITY...the parallels between the superpower & the new tech/gadget

Written: over summer 2020 & updated with a few ETAs: Dec 11th, 2020

#ZEP #ZOEY'S EXTRAORDINARY PLAYLIST #ZOEYS EXTRAORDINARY PLAYLIST #ZOEY'S EP #Clarkeman #Zomax #Zax #Zoey Clarke #Max Richman #Zoey x Max #Max x Zoey #TEAM MAX #ZEP S2 #ZEP SEASON 2 #SEASON 2 #LONG POST #TEXT POST #LIST POST

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couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name · 5 years

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Could we ever see a concept from you on how OUAT could have been a better show?

alright, fair warning, I haven’t actually watched the show in a while so my memory might be a little spotty, but off the top of my head-

Don’t kill Neal. He was at the heart of the plot, which started to unravel the second he was gone. Don’t sacrifice a clear plot line you had planned just because the fans really like Captain Hook oh my GOD

Stop having everyone discredit Regina being Henry’s mother just because they don’t like her. OR, have them do that but have Henry defend her. Their relationship was too back and forth and we never had anything to tell us she was a bad mom to him before he found out about the curse...like, if you found out your Nice and Normal Mom was allegedly an evil witch, wouldn’t you...I don’t know....defend her a little? So either commit to having her be a shitty mom and then she has to make up for that, or have Henry fully torn between both sides of his family. NOT the mess we got on the show where she had to earn his trust back because of things she did like 30 years before he was even born

Stop dropping plotlines. I understand they had an issue of actors getting jobs in other franchises, like Sebastian Stan and the guy who ended up in 50 Shades, but either stipulate something in the contract that they need to make time for a certain amount of episodes when you sign them, or just recast the actors. Don’t wait three years before Little Red Riding Hood can pop back up for an arc. Oh my God.

The Peter Pan arc happened way too soon- Neal needed time to build relationships with everyone else, specifically with Henry, his father, and Emma. Think about how it could’ve been if he’d patched things up with Emma quicker and they got in the groove of parenting Henry, only for Regina to still have her reservations about him because of her history with Rumple- only for Henry to then be kidnapped and the three of them have to become and Iconic Parent Trio to get him back. Hello.

Henry should’ve learned magic way before he became the Author. He is a True Love Baby who’s also related to three extremely powerful magic users and making him the damsel in distress every single season finale got old very fast. How about- after the Peter Pan arc, Rumple starts teaching him magic behind his parents back, because 1) he isn’t sure how they’d feel about it since Tensions 2) with all the shit in this universe Henry definitely needs to know how to defend himself, and 3) AFTER SEEING HIS FATHER ALMOST STEAL HIS GRANDSON THE SAME WAY HE STOLE HIS SON I FEEL LIKE THAT MIGHT HAVE AN EFFECT ON HIM EMOTIONALLY???? They never bothered to develop a real relationship with Henry and Rumple, every now and then he’d be like ‘oh yeah that’s my grandson’ and like...that was it. it was WACK

It also could’ve lead to some low-level comedy drama with David fretting about not being the ‘cool’ grandpa anymore lmao

The whole thing where Emma and Henry got their memories erased for a year while the others got sent back to the Forrest....it literally didn’t make sense for Neal not to go with them I’m still screaming. They literally said the only reason Emma and Henry could escape was because they weren’t effected by the first curse....literally neither was Neal??? Oh my God

So you could’ve had it like...they patched things up faster, and they weren’t back together but they weren’t Not back together, and they had definitely gotten a decent co-parent situation down, so he chooses to stay with them because he doesn’t want to abandon Emma again and he doesn’t want Henry to grow up without his father like he did. The dramatic goodbyes are for their parents and Regina. A year later, Hook choses to warn them about whatevers happening on his own free will, beginning a redemption arc that is NOT tied to Emma. He’s trying to protect the family to make up for what he did to Neal in Neverland

idk how I truly felt about the whole dead/resurrected Rumple situation but if we keep with it, BELLE is the one who resurrects him- and NOT with a spell that will kill her, but with DR. FRAKENSTIEN WHO FUCKING EXISTS ON THE SHOW AND THEY ONLY MENTION HIM ONCE IN A BLUE MOON ARE YOU KIDDING ME THEY DIDN’T USE HIM FOR A RESSURECTION STORY ARC

The whole Frozen arc shouldn’t have happened- I didn’t hate it, Emma and Elsa were sweet, but overall Elsa, Anna, Kristoff and Hans felt very shoehorned in and didn’t really mesh well with the rest of the story.

I DID however like the whole bit with the Ice Queen trying to adopt Emma when she was younger, and I think they could’ve used that to build onto the dark Emma storyline- the Ice Queen’s prophecy or whatever could’ve been referring to her, Emma and Zelena. That way it’s not Ice Queen trying to convince two powerful light magic users to go dark (and also not two ice power types and one Whatever The Fuck Type Emma Is)- it’s two powerful dark magic users trying to sway one woman who’s still trying to get a grasp on magic. Rather than the whole Dark One nonsense. Henry saves the day using his magic to subdue Ice Queen and Zelena the best he can, and convincing Emma she’s a good person, similar to how Regina chose to stop being dark for Henry. She snaps out of the hold the other two have on her and kicks ass. Hello.

The whole Author plotline was a hot mess but I’m still down for Henry taking over the position, it made sense for the story.

If they absolutely needed to do a new dark one plotline...NEAL. COME THE FUCK ON,

AND THEN HE MANAGES TO SUCCEED WHERE HIS FATHER FAILED WITH IT AND MAYBE THEY MANAGE TO KILL THE DARK ONE SPELL ALTOGETHER. TRUE LOVES KISS WITH EMMA OR HENRY WHO BOTH HAVE INCREDIBLY STRONG LIGHT MAGIC WHICH IS THE OPPOSITE OF THE DARK ONE. HELLO.

Maleficent’s Daughter Lily should’ve...stayed on???? Fully mended her friendship with Emma??? Iconic girl team??? Hello???

Belle gets to be an actual character instead of a character so underused that it becomes a running joke on the show that she asserts she’s cable of defending herself and then Doesn’t. Someone please teach this bitch to swordfight or something

It can be part of Hook’s Not-Emma-Related redemption arc maybe- instead of him using and threatening her. Or Neal can do it so they can bond. Or David or Snow decides to be nice it doesn’t actually matter please just make her a capable person I’m screaming

Henry should’ve kept in touch with friends he made in (Tallahassee) Boston for the year he lived there to uhhhh give the kid some concept of a normal reality and experience talking to people his own age. Also it could’ve been a super funny running gag to have a friend face time him and ask him what’s up and Henry’s trying to hide a dragon and magic spells off screen like ‘uh nothing just some family drama’

They needed to stop being so inconsistent about magic- first it was ‘magic can’t work outside of storybrooke’ but then Zelena was like ‘I’m going to magically transform into a different person in the middle of New York’ and ‘Wendy’s Brothers won’t age even though they aren’t in storybrooke’ and then it was like ‘magic can raise Robin and Hook and Rumple from the dead but it absolutely can do nothing for Neal, sorry’ like what the hell...please just some consistency

Make Snow like....35% less annoying

Don’t let Emma get lost in the story so much like at some point she really stopped being the main character and it was annoying as hell

that whole thing in one episode where David and Snow saw through a portal to young Emma and David wanted to go through to her but Snow was like ‘no we can’t change her past’ was some PRIME BULLSHIT. We already brought time travel into a fairytale show! nothing matters anymore bitch! let him hug his daughter!

Really thought they could’ve been like...they weren’t allowed to permanently change the past but they could’ve gotten a letter or some shit through to her...come on

alright this is all I got right now but like....genuinely a lot of their mistakes were so easily avoidable. it’s still truly baffling that the show went so downhill. rip

#once upon a time #ouat #emma swan #neal cassidy #henry mills #asks #molly mumbles

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kob131 · 4 years

Text

https://rwbyconversations.tumblr.com/post/626550438587678720/the-scarlet-letter-lets-talk-about-rwbys-male

Can’t even say I stan RT since I helped in developing your own break in RT’s abusive business practices.

So let’s start with a blunt statement: RWBY’s male LGBT representation has not been good. If the series’ handling of female LGBT rep is good (which… well there’s worse shows) and the general standard for how you write LGBT characters in a show like this, its handling of male rep has been… how not to. And Before the Dawn kinda solidified the idea in my head that the show’s handling of its male LGBT cast just isn’t good enough, either by the standards of when RWBY began in 2013, or today in 2020 when compatively massive steps have been taken over the past decade to show a more diverse list of characters… or at least a more diverse list of female characters.

So how do you make good male LGBT representation? If we’re talking about how something is done badly, you’d think some ground rules would be established. ... Yeah, he never does that.

It’s big romance is (unless the writers are very stupid) going to be between Blake and Yang, their first out character was Ilia, Coco got sent to the Book Dimension where she confirmed “I use my sunglasses to perv on women without their knowledge” which uh… yeah you can definitely tell RWBY is written by men… and Volume 6 had Saph and Terra being a good example of an LGBT couple without any real drama. In the last three years alone, the show has drastically increased its lesbian and bisexual characters, alongside even including its first out trans character in May Marigold (albeit only revealed on Twitter). In general, these depictions of sexuality have been pretty OK. Would have liked it if Ilia wasn’t immediately written out of the show after Volume 5 as it made her feel a bit more disposable than intended but whatever, subject for another day.

A. What examples do we have of Bumbleby being canon? One or two animation things and voice actors? Cool, when’s White Knight becoming canon.

B. I’ve heard Barbara say similar shit. Acting like that’s a male thing is fucking sexist.

C. I’m sorry but by every single standard of LGBT writing I’ve heard-wouldn’t they be considered tokens and flat caricatures? Since they’re so irrelevant and have so little character? They’re barely even characters INCLUDING their kid.

Sorry but considering how there’s no ground rules made for what is good LGBT rep- I can only go off what others have said. And so many, OVERWHLEMINGLY MANY, people have said Saphron and Terra aren’t good.

D. Okay the Illa thing is yet another example of why ground rules need to be set. Saphron and Terra BOTH are written out in Volume 6 so wouldn’t they get chewed out too? What makes Illa getting written out different or more disposable?

RWBY’s male rep though is a bit spottier. There’s the plant bois in Volume 5’s premiere, we nearly had Pilot Boi until some last-minute revisions, and… Scarlet.

Look about the same as the female LGBT audience to me. Why is this so bad?

“Why Scarlet’s a bad launchpad for male LGBT rep”

I don’t like Scarlet or how his sexuality has been handled. Scarlet’s homosexuality wasn’t revealed in the show, or by the writers, or even in anything that’s actually canon. He’s confirmed gay in his sole of dialogue in a non-canon fan anthology, where the manga’s Twitter team had to say that Miles suggested the idea and approved of it.

In short, Scarlet is Dumbledore’d, where his sexuality is revealed in out-of-show material and in a way that doesn’t make it supremely obvious (Miles himself never commented to confirm this so this news was limited in how far it could spread. I’m genuinely curious how many people still don’t know Scarlet’s gay), and Scarlet himself is a nothing character who was written out of the show after Volume 3 and only reappeared in Before The Dawn, half a decade after he vanished. Compared to Ilia, as this came out after Ilia’s entire arc in Volume 5, it’s not a great starting point for mlm rep. But things would have been forgiven if it had gotten better, if the show did have more male LGBT characters introduced, even just on the Saphron/Terra level of just being around for a few episodes before leaving. Then it would have been a misfire but then we could all say “Things got better.”

Why should I care?

See, part of the job of a critic is to make the problems understandable to the audience. I emphasized ground rules because it gives the reader a base level understanding of what constitutes as good in this case. Why should I think Scarlet is bad when Saphron and Terra are on the same level and you said they were at least acceptable?

It… didn’t. Which is why when Before the Dawn released in 2020, a full two years after Scarlet was first confirmed gay, while the franchise had more than doubled its wlw rep, Scarlet remained the one male character in the entire franchise who had a name and liked men. I remember vividly a fake leak for After The Fall which claimed Yatsuhashi would come out to Velvet and admit to having a crush on Fox. And I remember as well how many people were disappointed when it was said to be false, because it would have been nice for Yatsuhashi’s character, especially after the fleshing out he gets in the CFVY books. If Yatsu had come out as gay in the books I’d like his writing enough to say he’s a good case for rep, albeit with the caveat of “This is all in side material.” But in reality, the leak was fake and Coco was confirmed gay instead.

I remember the same leak. Yatsuhashi also disappeared at the same time and even if he was fleshed out-he’s still irrelevant to the show so wouldn’t he be bad? And if it’s about having fleshed out characters, why did Illa whose a fully realized character get shaded while effective background characters praised?

Unfortunately, Before the Dawn proceeded to ruin Scarlet and made me at times feel genuinely uncomfortable as a queer man! Let’s talk about that.

And people said the same about Saphron and Terra and people get backlash for praising them over other lesbian characters.

I hate Before the Dawn. It’s… bad. I read it while on a vacation and the only solace I had about the entire thing was that I’d bought an M&M chocolate bar. The bar was finished before the book. That bummed me out. It’s not a very well written book, the prose is very Early 2010s YA Writer, none of the characters are memorable and there’s various Fun Incidents like “NGDO using children as bait for Grimm,” and “Neptune’s hydrophpobia being used as a threat to torture him and the scene is played for comedy.”

A. NDGO is repeatedly shown to be massive assholes in the book.

And B. I can’t really find anything wrong there. In one of my favorite shows, Justice League Unlimited, criminals get threatened with actual torture and even death and it’s treated as a joke. Yeah the context is different in that the victim are criminals but both the villains and Neptune get over it so quickly I see no real problem here. Especially since Jaune’s own low self worth was a joke up to Volume 5.

Theo was cool. I can’t wait to see him as written by good writers, he should be a highlight of the Vacuo arc.

Don’t go blaming E.C. Myers for this- Miles and Kerry helped. You’d have to call them shit writers too.

I had two hopes for Before the Dawn- “Don’t be bad,” and “Let Scarlet and Sage be well written.” I’d liked how After The Fall had handled some of its characters (barring, y'know, Coco perving on women), especially Fox and Yatsu who were surprising in how much I liked them. I was looking forward to seeing Myers give Sage and Scarlet similar treatment- two relatively nothing characters meant he’d have a blank slate to write them however he wanted, he could give them unique personalties and if nothing else it could be cool to see their Semblances.

You know how frustrating it is to see people blame Miles and Kerry for shit that Monty had a hand in and may have even been responsible for?

Yeah well we finally found the flipped version-

Miles and Kerry worked with Myers on the book. Just as Monty is just as much at fault as Miles and Kerry, they’re just as much at fault as Myers.

And then I read the book. (Sage fans I am so sorry for you, you got baited harder than Johnlock fans)

I thought we were talking about male LGBT rep.

Scarlet’s a giant dickhead in the book. It’s his sole character trait and his inner monologues go on, and on, and on about how much he hates Sun, how he revels in mocking him. Most of his dialogue is sarcastic put-downs about Sun and how lame he is, and Sun is never properly allowed to defend himself or point out how going with Blake meant he was able to help save Haven Academy.

You mean like how character criticized Yang for being so reckless even though she was trying to save Blake?

It shouldn’t matter what the intent or results are- Sun and Yang still did bad things and affected the people around them. They should be criticized, especially Sun here since A. He’s still doing it in the book, B. He hasn’t had any real flaws in the show which means his dynamics and interaction are limited and C. This addresses what people bitched at him about in Volumes 4 and 5 thus robbing them of the excuse to chew him out anymore.

(hey remember when Sun in Volume 6 expressly says to Blake “I was a bad leader for ditching Neptune and the others, and I need to work on that” only for Before the Dawn to have him staunchly refuse to accept that he let the team down? I don’t think Myers did but I do)

Remember how characters in RWBY don’t always learn their lesson, especially when it’s related to mental issues like...say....losing their parents and trying to run from their problems?

Also remember how MILES AND KERRY ALSO HELPED WRITE THAT BOOK?

Scarlet being a ratty bitch would be one thing if, again, the franchise had done more rep. He’d still be a badly written character, but it wouldn’t sting as much. But because Scarlet is still the only expressly confirmed male LGBT character in canon (the book teases that Nolan is gay but there’s never confirmation either way beyond him smiling at Scarlet), it means that he has to represent that entire ideal. So when the one gay man in Remnant is being an asshole and a snide loser, that means that by extension, this is how the franchise sees gay men. And that fucking sucks! I wanted to come out of Before The Dawn singing its praises, I wanted to like the book, but it was a massive letdown, especially coming off of the other big 2020 RWBY controversy involving gay characters.

Fun fact: LGBT people can be assholes.

In fact, Scarlet would be the ONLY LGBT character to be snide in the show. Kind of makes him unique in that regard. ...If he was an asshole in canon. When in canon, he’s portrayed as hurt and bitter over Sun’s repeated irresponsibility and doing what anyone would do in his situation.

So honestly, he’s pretty fucking human which I would praised BEYOND being LGBT.

Yeah. We’re doing this.

Remember, you choose to do all this.

Clover and Fair Game: Technically not queerbaiting. BUT:

But nothing. Once again, without any ground rules for what you constitute as ‘queerbaiting’- I only have myself to rely on. And just about every serious definition says Queerbaiting is baiting LGBT rep or pairings to get people to watch the show.

Issue? Not only was Fair Game not used to promote the show, there are other LGBT characters in RWBY. You can’t be queerbaited anymore than a straight person can be ‘straightbaited’ (We’ll be getting into SO MUCH MORE than this later...).

Let’s pre-empt this: Clover wasn’t queerbaiting, and Fair Game, while cool and I dig it, kudos to them for becoming one of the top 5 RWBY pairings on AO3 in one year that’s fucking impressive (I say with mild malice as an IronQrow main), never had a chance. The writing never seriously boosted it barring one interaction which was flirty (them talking in the lobby of the Schnee Manor), and everything else was out of show boosting through the social media teams and CRWBY hyping it themselves by saying they liked it. If you wanna blame people, blame the animators who went off-script with stuff like Kim Newman adding the wink as a deliberate nod to the Volume 4 waitress, or the social media team deliberately using the same policies for Fair Game as they do for Renora and Bumblebee.

So nothing I should give a shit about since marketing teams often work detached from the actual product and are notoriously CUTTHROAT.

It wasn’t Eddy’s fault that things escalated, and he himself has said that in retrospect, he should have warned people that this never had a shot.

But I can’t blame the Fair Game fanbase. Because Fair Game took off like wildfire. It came right as the fanbase began seriously asking for more male rep, Qrow’s pretty hot, and the Clover wink came right after the Great IronQrow Reawakening of November 9th, 2019. The rocket was primed, and they rode it to the moon. Finally, to these people, after seven years RWBY seemed to be doing something with mlm rep in show. People started getting into RWBY just for Clover and Qrow’s interactions. And if heroes were boring, Watts and Tyrian also had a fantastic dynamic that made Nuts and Volts one of the more popular villain ships overnight. Things seemed to be turning around! RWBY was remembering that gay men existed! You could hear the choir sing!

... You JUST said that show didn’t bolster the ship aside from one interaction (one that pales to the shit I use to say in private to fuck with people). It was obviously NOT meant to be a serious component of the show. If people got into a show for something it was never meant to stick to- it’s their own fault for when that part falls away.

… And for those people, that meant that episode 12 hit like Truck-Kun.

People got pissed. People were horrified. And it didn’t help that some members of CRWBY had said in the build-up that episode 12 would have some shots that made them nauseous (probably the Tyrian thumb thing) Out of context, it looked to these fans like CRWBY were basically laughing at their suffering, like they were saying “Lol, you thought you had a chance, get fucked, I hope your vomit burns on the way up.”

Yeah, Fair Game was never gonna be canon, and I think some people ran too far with it. But in the wider context of how desperate RWBY’s mlm community had gotten for basic crumbs of content? I can see why they’d run with what they had. The writers aren’t at fault for what happened, but CRWBY didn’t help matters. And that desperate mix of what felt like official backing from the crew, jokes about how cute the ship was, and the hope that finally the show would have onscreen rep? I can see why people ran with it.

Ah huh ah huh ah huh-

Now do that for the first three Volumes of the show with a bigger fan favorite, more build up and kill one half of it off at the end of the show’s big dark turn while the creators are even MORE unsympathetic.

Sorry but when compared to Arkos, this looks fucking minscule. And you invoked the Arkos comparison due to the numerous parallels. And just like with the Arkos fans, I’ll disregard this without a second thought.

‘But Mlm are STARVED for content-’

Then go somewhere else. I’ve been saying this to your Wlw AND Straight counterparts for years. You are not entitled to have ‘a meal’. The show didn’t advertise in universe around rep- That is not the point. This is like saying you hate nachoes because it dares to have chips instead of more toppings.

So why is the show more lackluster in depicting mlm characters?

I don’t think you ever answered that the question ‘is the show’s mlm lackluster?’ because you spent a third of this post talking about something you basically admit doesn’t count.

Money. Let’s be honest, most RWBY fans don’t care if the show doesn’t have good male rep. I’m willing to bet some of you reading this won’t care and just dismiss it as not being that big a problem.

I dismiss all the romance related shit as not being that big of a problem, so what?

I don’t think the writers care if the show doesn’t have good mlm rep because they’re not poaching that market. They’re after what they see as a bigger, more lucrative market, which in this case is female LGBT rep. That gets people buying games, watching shows, raising awareness and boosting awareness of your property, which means you make more money. In short: Two women kissing hits more markets and generates more attention than two men.

I’d believe that if not for the fact that there is barely any lesbian merch for RWBY, which would be the key way to cash in on that market and squeeze them for as much money as possible. In fact, there’s barely ANY shipping merch from Rooster Teeth. Rather unusual if they’re trying to cash in on a market.

‘Well what’s YOUR explanation?’

Easy: Misandry and moving goalposts.

Guys notoriously get shat on in the fandom more than women. Jaune is STILL being called a spotlight stealing MAry Sue and numerous people are siding against Ironwood because he’s a man. So making good male LGBT rep would just be inviting more pipe bombs in the mail.

And a large amount of people like to claim RWBY has yet to give GOOD female LGBT rep, constantly raising the bar to get what they want. And considering they make up the original hatedom in the show- they naturally hold more power.

Tl;Dr- You fucked yourselves out of good male rep by having male characters having any focus whatsoever be a death sentence.

Am I saying that Miles, Monty and Kerry deliberately sat down seven years ago and said “We’re not doing gay men because it won’t generate enough ad revenue and traffic to be worth the loss in revenue from homophobes?” No, that’s silly. But I’m saying that it’s less important for them, and it shows in the things that are small and add up. Things like Miles not verifying Scarlet’s sexuality or retweeting the manga account’s confirmation to spread the message (compared to how he enthusiastically confirmed Ilia being a lesbian himself during the Reddit AMA). It shows in how Pilot Boi would have been the first mlm character only to die in his second full episode until M&K were told about the Bury Your Gays trope. It shows in how Shannon believes that Ozma is “megaqueer” and Miles jokingly laughs it off instead of confirming it, leaving it to just be Shannon’s headcanon. It shows in how actor shipping is compared between the mlm and wlw ships, where Arryn and Barbara’s frequent pushes for Bumblebee are seen as “official confirmation that it’s endgame” while Michael and Kerry saying they enjoy Seamonkeys is treated as “well it would be cute if they did it, but they’re never going to.”

The whole point of AMA is answer questions, one of which was ‘is Illa a lesbian’ among SEVERAL others.

Yeah and Illa gets called a psycho lesbian.

Yeah and no other voice actor headcanon has been accepted. In fact, Kara pushes for White Knight and the writers don’t even so much as acknowledge that unlike Shannon. Also I dunno what ‘megaqueer’ means but his only on screen relationship was straight so that’s probably why it wasn’t confirmed.

Not the creators, don’t care.

I’m not gonna say anything like “CRWBY are gonna have Qrow end up with a woman like Robyn out of spite against the bad apples of the Fair Game crowd.” I’m not gonna say that I don’t think CRWBY cares about male representation in the series. It is, however, definitely a low priority for them, and because that leads to gaffes like Scarlet’s writing in Before The Dawn being offensive in his depiction, it only makes the contrast between the sexes all the more painfully apparent.

Again, the female side ain’t much better. Fuck, the straight side isn’t much better. This was never a focus of the show.

I’m kinda tired of waiting for Rooster Teeth to show that they do care about mlm. I’m kinda tired of RWBY’s male rep being written like it came from a 1993 time capsule where I have to enhance the screen to see a guy holding a sign of Sun’s abs or be content with the only onscreen rep still being the plant bois in Volume 5. I’m tired of how often the crew dances around answering basic questions about sexuality (and age, and birthdays, and heights, and so on) by treating it as a spoiler question, as if just wanting to know what way people swing would ever be a spoiler. I’m just… tired of all this. When the best mlm rep in Rooster Teeth’s history remains the two dads in Camp Camp who show up in a few episodes, that should say something really bad about your company and your biases (To say nothing of the recent Red vs Blue seasons and their blatant queerbaiting for Grif and Simmons and the whole can of worms that is Donut).

And their best rep in wlw according to some people is a psycho lesbian.

This is all just personal opinion that is next to useless without the basis needed for clear understanding. I don’t know what you would consider good male LGBT rep aside from a squeaky clean good guy...and many would decry that as condescending and unrealistic.

What can they do except ignore EVERYONE and just do whatever they feel like?

P.S. Someone’s representation is NOT their view on LGBT people. Especially since, as I have said, the reception of said rep can be outright contradictory.

I’d like to not feel like I’m borderline unwelcome because I’d like to see two men in this show kiss, and that the sole thing that represents people like me in this show is some British twat who complains about sand.

Oh fuck off. I’m also apart of a minority group (autists) and yet you don’t see me winging about how unwelcome I feel because there’s no autistic characters. I relate to characters like Ruby not because they have shallow autistic traits but because I constantly struggle with the same ideological dilemma Ruby does: the struggle to keep doing good in an uncaring, cruel world. THAT is what you should find relatable and welcome. Not something like sexuality.

I’d just like to feel like my sexuality isn’t a joke to Rooster Teeth (or at the very least, be like Donut and have it be a funny one). But at this point after the last few years? I feel like a very uncomfortable punchline to them. And it just sucks.

Cool-Welcome to club. You know, since EVERY sexuality has been used a punchline by Rooster Teeth.

Your sexuality should be the LAST thing that you use to find being welcome, especially with a god damn company. And you have no one to blame for your feelings but yourself here.

Your post is damn near useless and I don’t even know how honest that RT stuff is considering Miles and Kerry get away while E.C. Myers gets blamed for stuff you don’t like.

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stranger-who-writes-fiction · 4 years

Text

So 5x18...

...Well hot d*mn.

Man when Supergirl fires on all cylinders...HOO BOY.

Case in point: *gestures to all of 5x18*

To be clear: I liked this one.

A WHOLE LOT.

Not that I disliked 5x17, necessarily. It’s just that 5x18 was more... Entertaining? ...I dunno. I dunno how to explain it.

...Okay yes I do and that explanation is: Someone remarked on Kara’s use of language and Kara overcompensated on the ‘NOooOOooOO I’m totally 100% normal!’ AND there was a musical quote AND it was WHILE TEAMING UP WITH ALEX TO FOLLOW A LEAD.

But I’m getting ahead of myself let’s backtrack...

TO THE TOWER! WITH ALEX! NIA! KARA! AND M’GAAAAAANNNNN!!!!!!

June Foray voice: WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER?!?!?!

I know I’m not the first person to make that reference but it’s always fitting and, for real, recurring character status WHEN. (I mean. Obviously I would prefer series regular but that feels like a big ask considering that all future TV production is...uh. Ah. Erm....

...Up in the air. At the moment.)

And then we check in with the Luthors and Non Nocere isn’t working???

I am shocked! Shocked, I say!

And then we’ve got Obsidian doing something ill-advised which is basically the company’s MO at this point but KELLY AND WILLIAM ARE ON THE CASE REGARDLESS.

(So that’s kinda the one thing I’m sad about re: the Crisis reset; Andrea’s character development. But she’s sticking around for next season so I’m not too upset that she remains...kinda...one note for now.)

And THEN the library scene.

It was so gooooood.

Then Leviathan and okay. Alright. Okay. Huge points in this episode’s favor: Rama Khan feels like a far more significant threat. And I feel like 80% of that is the fact that they just let him wear normal clothes. Thank you, show. Thank. You.

Also the rock effects were way better in this episode because they weren’t footing the bill for a giant crossover episode this time around

I am a little confused, though, by what has and has not happened with regards to Rama Khan on Earth Prime. Did the pre-Crisis stuff...happen? The dialogue...kinda made it hard to decide one way or the other. ‘He hasn’t been seen on this Earth for 100s of years’ but then also, ‘a chilly place you know quite well.’ So...he...did go to the Fortress. And fight Kara? But...all that stuff before Crisis...???

...Not gonna bother with that right now.

POINT IS...Leviathan is finally like...invested in killing Supergirl* and menacing in a very real way which both raises the stakes and makes it personal and that’s way more interesting than ‘nebulous evil organization that must be stopped.’

*I know they kinda sorta already did the whole, ‘let’s kill the Kryptonian!’ and invaded the Fortress but I don’t know what to tell ya, it was just lackluster.

J’ONN AND M’GAAAAAANNNNN

I am firmly in camp: I don’t care if they’re never green again I love seeing them in the super suits with their human faces IT’S GREAT.

Love that Nia’s snoring interrupts the moment.

Also love the deck of Rama Khan playing cards, that must’ve been a fun project for the graphic designers.

Then we’ve got William and Kara at CatCo and it’s baked goods! A hilarious line delivery by Staz! A ridiculous fabrication involving a shy, violent cat!

...Now I want Alex to actually own a shy, violent cat!

“Cats love me, for some reason.” “Of course they do.”

Side note: Love Kara’s blazer.

And then it’s ALIEEEEEENS TO THE RESCUE!

WHAT A TEAM UP, FOLKS.

We love to see it.

The interrogation scene is good n’ tense and ramps up to a very impressive showdown in the DEO (but BEFORE the sparks really start flying we get that rad shot of Kara leaping through the window and doing the superhero landing and it’s just

Perfection.)

Also perfect? Lex playing a game of transmatter pickle with the prisoners.

Then we jump back to the DEO where things are not going well!

Like, really really bad!

But J’onn and M’gann save the day! If not the building!

RIP DEO. 2016-2020

Obituary: The DEO headquarters is survived by its elder sibling, the DEO desert base.

Look none of the favs work there anymore save for Kara and Brainy and they’re both gonna be better off working freelance for J’onn but I do expect Brainy to at least pick up some additional cash by working as a Lyft driver next season.

Me, watching the characters struggle to make it in the gig economy: I feel so seen.

The final portion of the episode is just ALL ACTING and I must say...good stuff.

Like. This cast, man. They take the plot points I’ve been ‘meh’ about all season and they turn in some stellar performances and suddenly I’m like STANDING OVATION, CAN’T WAIT TO SEE WHERE THIS GOES.

Also, reason #342 I love Jon Cryer’s Lex: that scene with Lena.

Terrifying.

Full disclosure: I went in to this episode fully prepared to be really annoyed with whatever was going to happen with Lena and I still don’t...love the trajectory of this season, being so tied up in her personal drama but.

But.

Katie McGrath’s performance...went an awful long way here. In making this...not as bad as it could have been.

Like tearfully admitting she was hurt? And that hurt was the basis of all the nonsense she pulled? Finally owning up to the fact that this was never truly about the greater good but that it was all rooted in some personal issues and OUTRIGHT STATING SHE WAS BEHAVING LIKE A VILLAIN????

I am. Extremely impressed.

EVEN MORE IMPRESSIVE THOUGH: Kara remaining distant both physically and emotionally throughout that scene! Not in like, a cold uncaring way, but in a, ��I have emotions and I have a right to feel them and set boundaries in regards to my trusting you right now given all that has transpired’ kind of way.

GOOD. YES. GOOD.

(Lex’s outburst has that kind of same Nice Guy undertone--albeit more pronounced and rage-y--as Lena’s in the Fortress. Like, ‘I supported you and you still rejected my plot to take over the world’ and ‘I was kind to you and you still messed up my mind control’ which...I dunno I might just be digging in too deep here in order to further justify the character turn but I think Cryer’s performance regardless is a really sobering wake up call for Lena, different than Lex stuff we’ve seen before. It’s close and intense and uncomfortable in a way that really sells the motivation.)

“You’re a monster...but that doesn’t mean I have to be one too.”

Wow. Might be...the first time I’ve liked Lena all season.

...whispers: might be the first time I’ve liked her ever at all

For real: credit where it’s due, that was an excellent line read.

*insert applause here*

CUT TO ADORABLE J’ONN AND M’GANN MOMENT

D’aaaawwwwwwwwww

But, look, it’s a little undermined by the fact that they both gotta try and embrace in those bulky super suits, I’m sorry, it’s true

...Maybe it’s more endearing that way?

HEY remember how I foolishly assumed that the now-unemployed Alex would simply continue to work with J’onn in an investigative capacity and, ya know, NOT jump straight back into costumed badassery?

HA. HAHA HAHAAAA.

Those leaked set photos make sense now.

OH NO, WILLIAM!

Real glad Staz confirmed he’s returning. Otherwise I would not be able to DEAL WITH THE STRESS.

I already talked a little bit about the loft scene but some additional points! Beautiful lighting. Wonderful score. Excellent performances all around.

A truly great end to a truly great episode.

Like, it makes me retroactively sad, that we’re only getting 5x19, as opposed to 5x19 and 5x20 because I wish that the crew/writers/actors had a little more space to let all of this good work they’ve done settle and breathe.

(But also, it was good that they stopped production, from a safety standpoint, so. Can’t be too upset.)

And, regardless of how the next episode goes down (b/c I’m gonna be real, SG always does really great set-ups for their season finales and then kinda...rushes to the finish line and that can only be further exacerbated in this particular case) I’m just really impressed with this effort here.

...but also LET’S TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE SOME WILD GUESSES. Specifically, what is Alex’s vigilante name gonna be???

...

Alright I generally try to avoid addressing specific fandom complaints in these things b/c I generally try to avoid the fandom itself but of course some stuff has already leaked through all of my blocks/muting so:

‘Lena didn’t apologize!’ The words ‘I’m sorry’ were not said, sure, but 1.) season’s not over and 2.) for Lena, admitting she was wrong is huge. HUUUUUUUGE. It’s solid character growth and I really wish various subsets of fandom would recognize that it’s not fun, when fans hold on to negative stuff from characters’ past and refuse to acknowledge that the characters have changed.

‘Brainy should have seen this coming!’ This one is kind of more down to personal preference I guess but I feel like they’ve established that Brainy’s got a bit of a blindspot due to his feelings about his friends, so I don’t take this as a knock against his intelligence so much as him being stretched fairly thin because he’s playing all sides, and worried about the people he loves. YMMV, though.

All the ‘fix-it’ stuff re: the last scene, by making Kara immediately forgive Lena. Lose me with that nonsense, bleh.

#SG post #long post #supergirl spoilers #5x18 spoilers

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helloandwelcometomariasblog · 4 years

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Review #64: Hymn of Death

사의 찬미. (I like the Korean title a whole lot more than the English title.)

I have read comments stating that this drama is not historically accurate, so I won’t go into that aspect of the story. What I will go into, are aspects that really moved me to write this review.

Before I even began watching, I had a vague idea of what the story was about as I had (stupidly) watched one or two clips on YouTube and read the comments. Therefore, I expected a simple romance story with themes of infidelity. However, I was surprised.

I know and you know and everyone knows that I began watching it for LJS. However, I had no idea what kind of character he would play. So far, I’ve seen him as an array of characters: Cha Eunho (playful, successful, cute and jealous younger man), Hamyung/Dalpo (unfortunately I can’t fully remember his character anymore), Kangchul (rich, determined, slightly conceited), and Namsoon (apathetic but warm-hearted student with a dark past and no academic passion). His character in Hymn of Death kind of took me by surprise. It was a character I had never really seen before in LJS. Ujin is quiet and composed. He doesn’t talk much, but when he does, it’s purposeful and poetic. He’s a thoughtful and serious man who doesn’t open up easily and puts up a wall around his thoughts and feelings. Scared that he will get too invested. Scared that he will actually fall in love. He’s an obedient son, who keeps his feelings bottled up until the very last moment. He’s an artist and a poet, who seeks beauty and feels it deeply. He’s a highly sensitive introvert. He’s a writer who knows how precious and life-giving words can be.

And I know, and you know, and everyone knows that I am very much attracted to that. I could even almost relate to him. I also use writing to express myself and to find solace. When he exploded at his father and said that these pieces of paper and those rare moments of writing are his shelter and escape, and asked, do you want me to live or die, I cried alongside him. When he spared his words, his compliments, but still expressed his hesitant but positive feelings towards Shimdeok, I melted alongside her. I’m just saying - those people are rare nowadays. People don’t treat words as carefully or worthwhile anymore. They just blurt out whatever they’re thinking (or not thinking). And yes, it was done with the face and body of LJS. I get it.

So let me cut to the chase here. I really fell for LJS’s character. I just can’t help but fall for these types of characters. Kyungsoo in 100 Days My Prince, for example. Those quiet but strong characters who love art and cherish it. Those who appreciate beauty around the world and are thoughtful and sensitive enough to not speak hastily. Someone with whom you can share thoughts on literature and film. Ujin was like that. And it was just so adorable but heartbreaking at the same time seeing him try and distance himself from Shimdeok, knowing that he was attracted. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn’t stop himself from falling for her.

One thing this drama did really well was show us the gradual process of the two characters falling in love. Not once did I wonder why they were drawn to each other. There are dramas where I ask myself why they even like each other. In those dramas, it seems as though they’re only liking each other because they’re the main couple, so they have to. But with Ujin and Shimdeok, it was completely believable. The steps were so clear. I could clearly see why Shimdeok was attracted to Ujin and vice versa. I guess it’s also the actors’ feat - their faces of falling in love were extremely convincing. I could see Shimdeok falling slowly for Ujin’s goals, determination, and love for writing. And it was SO CUTE seeing her act upon it (I love her character) - she was so adorably honest and straightforward with her feelings. How could Ujin not like her back? LJS played it very well, showing us how hard Ujin was trying to hide his feelings and be aloof and even cold towards her. However, with someone like Shimdeok constantly stepping closer to him, and being the charismatic and strong young lady she is, Ujin soon has trouble hiding his own feelings. It was just so incredibly convincing. When Shimdeok stands up during the meeting and encourages the team to keep going, you know Ujin has fallen for her, and you know it’s completely valid. It’s something he would totally fall for. And you know when he hears her sing for the first time, he’s hiding his admiration (which he does admit later on, in the most Ujintastic and soft-spoken but sure way). Ujin is attracted to Shimdeok as a person, and Shimdeok is attracted to Ujin as a person. I don’t know - I feel like I’ve never seen a drama that made this so incredibly clear. It was just so damn convincing.

The slow but sure way they fell in love really grasped me. I guess it’s also because it’s kind of rare nowadays (both in the real world and in media). People are so quick to express their feelings and get on with it. But both Ujin and Shimdeok took their time, getting to know each other through the team and through touring, and kept a slight (heart-fluttering) distance. (And I know the distance was required because Ujin was married and all, but I’ll talk about that aspect in another paragraph.) That romantic tension is gold. And I know this probably sounds crazy but I respect Ujin for drawing the line and inviting Shimdeok to his house along with the team to show her the reality of his life. I know, I know, it means nothing later on but I liked that decision and I liked that scene.

Another scene I absolutely loved was when the tour came to an end and they all celebrated at the dance hall. I loved it because it was a great portrayal of their feelings towards each other in that subtle and careful way - when you love someone, but you can’t express it to them yet, so you steal glances and hope that something will happen. Shimdeok kept glancing at Ujin and vice versa, but I loved how their eyes never really met. Golden romantic tension. This drama did the “ssum” stage so, so well. I also loved how Shimdeok actually stood up to make that move and approach Ujin at the dance hall (after several stolen glances). I would’ve done that too, Shimdeok. I think that’s why I’m attracted to people like Ujin - because I like being the active person, making the moves (lol).

One thing I realize over and over again about myself is that I am really drawn to films where emotions are shown in a very subtle way. In this drama, they don’t have a ton of physical intimacy (especially in the beginning stages of attraction and affection) and that makes the little moments even more prominent and overwhelming. For example, whenever they shake hands, when they almost touch fingers while reaching for the kettle at the same time, or when Ujin comes close for a kiss (which he doesn’t carry through with in the end - which showed his inner turmoil). This also means that the non-physical actions mean a whole lot - such as the time when Shimdeok comes over to spend time with a “sick” Ujin and tries so hard to stay for longer (which Ujin coldly and outrightly rejects, very so-in-character, but later watches and smiles at the window) and leaves with the umbrella that she earlier said never brought along. That’s what always wins me over, I guess - when affection and attraction is written in film in ways other than the oh-so-obvious physical action. That is much more interesting and emotional to me, and provides a whole lot of romantic tension.

I think it was also quite interesting and a rare sight in the K-drama world that the both of them actually told their families about their change of heart instead of running away without a word. I wasn’t expecting that. I was especially surprised that Ujin told his father about everything before leaving.

Speaking of families, I honestly have never felt more frustrated and angry watching Ujin’s dad and Shimdeok’s family. I’m not sure which family I hated more. I honestly couldn’t stop swearing and grabbing my forehead and I actually CRIED. I shed tears because I was so frustrated and sad. I felt this especially with Shimdeok’s family. They’re the fucking worst. Nobody in that fucking family was redeemable. Not the mother who was so obviously without morals and only cared about her other two kids, not the brother who fucking doubted Shimdeok’s morals and values, not the sister who believed the fucking rumours, and above all not the father who pretends to be on her side but is in fact the fucking worst? He acts all victim but in reality he’s the worst and he’s just a fucking passive version of the mother. And Shimdeok is the one providing for all of them. HAVE SOME RESPECT. Have some damn gratitude. I honestly felt it when Shimdeok fell speechless at her siblings’ confrontation and accusation and choked out, “you two can’t do this to me.” Damn right. Fucking ungrateful assholes. They’re so damn immature and selfish.

This is why, when Shimdeok receives the letter from Ujin saying that he wholeheartedly trusts her and her alone, and telling her to come to him quickly, I honestly cried with Shimdeok, and it began to make sense that they would run away together. This drama did their beats EXTREMELY well. One thing led to another, and each and every event/beat was convincing. I was just naturally led from beginning to end on an emotional rollercoaster and never once stopped to think, “does that even makes sense?” The writer constantly upped the level and made the characters suffer to the point they couldn’t stand. That’s good writing. It’s sad that the characters really couldn’t stand it and chose to end everything, but the lead up was undeniably good. It made me believe that they really didn’t have a way out. I still had hope when the only obstacle was the father’s disapproval (but even that was a bit too stifling cause the father was a closed-minded selfish prick) and the poverty that Shimdeok was faced with. But when it escalated to the point where Shimdeok was sexually harassed (I got so angry with this scene, and Shin Hyesun acted so incredibly well) and she was threatened into being a singer for the promotion and praise of the Japanese government, and Ujin was threatened with his father’s health, I had to throw in the towel. It all made sense. Even I couldn’t do it anymore.

But nevertheless, their tragic ending was really sad, and I hoped (and still hope) there was another way out. It reminded me of The Sorrows of Young Werther, and made me think of how sensitive and emotional artists and writers could be and how dangerous that can be. I had such a happy time watching the first two or so episodes that the tragic ending made me feel way too sad and hollow. I wish they could have overcome it somehow. Or even just run away somewhere and live together. At the end though, I’m not sure if it was the way LJS was playing the character, but it felt as though he was a little hesitant about the death compared to Shimdeok. Shimdeok seemed really set on the idea, as though there was no alternative, but Ujin seemed a little aloof, almost as though he was going through with it because it’s what his lover wanted. But when thinking back on how much he suffered because of his dad, and how much he gave up, it does make sense that he would have come to the same conclusion as Shimdeok. It’s just sad. I really wish it could have ended differently.

I would watch this drama again for two things: the beautiful cinematography, and the absolutely beautiful process of the two characters falling in love. (and yes for LJS, okay?)

p.s: Shin Hyesun really cannot lipsync. + LJS really needs to stop putting his hand in his pockets. It’s so frequent that it’s awkward - it’s like suddenly being hyper aware that he’s acting. + the one scene that really didn’t make sense for me was when Shimdeok abandoned her dream stage to run after Ujin. I wish the film had made it so that she was singing the last line of the song and finished it before running after him. But then again - that just shows how much she loved Ujin and just how much he meant to him. (But still.)

#review

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sambarvadai · 4 years

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#7: ooh la la spill the drama sis

posted on 30 nov 2019

hi, long time no see. it’s been a hectic week. we had our drama club’s end-year-production, and i started on my internship. this post will be about my somewhat complicated relationship with theatre so buckle in for the ride! this is going to be a really long post sorry i have a lot of feelings about this

(in case you haven’t already realised this is an EXTREMELY self-indulgent blog haha)

so! four years ago (god has it been that long) when i joined drama club, i was so excited. i nearly wasn’t going to get in because i had missed the audition date, so i cried late into the night, texted my senior about it, and got the reply that no worries, audition dates had been extended due to the overwhelming response. phew. i auditioned, i said the monologue too fast that the panel was left blinking, i tried to make friends in the audition room (i don’t remember any of them). i got through. i was so happy. it was the best best experience.

my new batchmates were… interesting. they were cool. we all liked to sing at the most random times. we were so extra. now that i think about it, i haven’t actively recalled these memories in so long. i can’t remember half of them, but they must’ve been good times because i remember waking up on mondays and thursdays – drama club practice days – pumped and ready to go. the seniors were a big part of this. every practice session, they’d come in, full of energy, and dazzle us with how much they could show with one movement on stage. they taught us the basics of vocal projection (I SHAT A BABY/I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE), spatial awareness, ensemble awareness, and teamwork. they made sure to get to know us properly, learn our names, be our seniors. they were amazing.

i remember the productions we did that year. we ran around under the stairs before production, writing notes on bags and karaoke-ing, sleeping and eating. we told stories of the girl who had been crushed by the stairs, now a benevolent spirit who blessed us before every performance. we wore our shirts inside out, tags sticking out, because a senior told us our shirts had to be ALL BLACK. NO PRINT. (we later found out this was not meant seriously, but oh well.) once, we traipsed down one of the most affluent parts of town wearing our shirts like that, on the hunt for some ice to cool the drinks. my fingers froze by the time we got back to school (because there was no bag big enough to carry the ice) and i had to dunk them in running water to thaw them out. we were backstage, having the time of our lives, peeking through the hole in the curtain, mouthing alone to the lines said on stage that we had heard countless times in rehearsals. we cheered when the audience laughed. we bit our tongue so we wouldn’t curse when someone inevitably put the block down too loudly or got caught in the light. our batch was the only batch of first-years who cried when our fourth-years (the graduating batch) left, because they had made such an impact on us. it really looked like we were going to be one of the better batches.

it really looked like joining drama club – and theatre – was going to be one of the best decisions of my life, because of how much fun i had. i learnt about the processes that went behind-the-scenes, which made me appreciate every theatre show i went to after that even more. i

year 2 came, and with it, a competition that would suck out my life. for the purposes of this post, let’s call it abc. abc was a really prestigious competition – it was difficult to get into, and it was difficult to survive it. survive, meaning go through it with your sanity intact. it meant long, long hours cooped up in a corridor high up, inhaling spray paint fumes and sprawling on the dusty floor. it meant hashing and rehashing ideas and thrashing out team squabbles and pain and suffering. i mean, it was a great, character-building experience, but i’m told that i became so much of a dick during that time simply because of the stress. abc also took up much of my free time, so i couldn’t meet up with my other friends during breaks because i would always be busy.

the toil was not without its rewards, though. we got regional champs and placed 5th worldwide and won a really prestigious award for creativity, one of the few teams to ever win it in our division. but during that time, i felt nothing except passiveness (is this a word). i felt a sense of distance, that it wasn’t me who had won it. and it was partly true. toward the end of it, my enthusiasm for the competition had died down from a raging bonfire to a tiny matchstick flame snuffed out by an errant gust of wind. i just… gave up. i didn’t contribute as much. i should’ve felt guilty, but i couldn’t muster up anything.

what does this competition have to do with drama? well, because i was involved in abc, i couldn’t contribute as much to my drama club’s mid-year recital-thing. i was relegated to the props and sets team, where i met my favourite senior ever. we spent a lot of time in there, and it felt great. although all we did was just talk and do jackshit, it was fun to be in that tiny space, trying out makeup and talking about sherlock.

abc did affect my relationship with my batchmates, though. the rest of the teams in abc had my team-mates who somehow bonded with their team and loved their team, but i was the odd one out. i couldn’t connect to them at all.

fast forward to the end-of-year production, where i was in props and sets again. this time, it was slightly different because a teacher tagged along with us for every excursion we did to gather supplies and draw inspiration. that production was set in a bookshop, so we hopped around singapore looking for cool bookshops. it was fun, and i got to know that teacher a lot better. i’m still relatively close to her now. my batchmate, though, fell out with that teacher. i’m not entirely sure what happened, but it was weird.

year 3 was such a big mess, and it was wholly my fault. i was given the position of being in charge of props and sets, and i did a colossal screw-up. none of the sets were ready, none of the props were procured in time, the full-dress rehearsal was just accusations after accusations. i remember being backstage in the toilet washing up all the makeup brushes after full-dress rehearsal, and i could hear the seniors really really talking shit about me. it was cathartic, in a way, to hear everything i knew but hadn’t fully internalised. it was similar to abc, in that i had fully given up even before fighting. my rep was pretty damaged after that.

the end of year production was when things fully fell apart. i didn’t know anyone in my batch anymore (except maybe for one person?). another person whom i had been quite close to also drifted away. it was really, really shitty – there’s not much to say about it at all.

bUT. not all hope was lost. what i didn’t get in drama club at school, i found through something else. around march, i saw an online flyer for a youth-created theatre show. i auditioned. i got a part in the ensemble. and it was, hands down, one of the best decisions i made in my life. see, this online flyer was from a senior in drama club whom i had never met before, but was somehow following on instagram. so in a way, drama club was responsible for my so-called rebirth into drama.

that experience really taught me a lot. for starters, the way they handled everything was so professional. the props and sets team started work three months before the production and handpainted sets and built actual moving platforms out of wood. the publicity team actually got one of their photographer friends to take high quality photos and videos. the songs. oh, where do i start. the songs were full, a-grade broadway musical material, with motifs for each of the characters and fully realized emotional arcs. every single person working on the production was so wired and energetic and passionate. backstage felt like year 1 – all the excitement of cheering when something great happened on stage.

maybe it was god telling me to not give up on theatre so easily, to give it a second chance. maybe it was god telling me that i hadn’t lost my love for working hard to put up something on stage. maybe it was a sign that all i needed was a change of people. at any rate, i made so many new friends and learned so much about performance. it really changed me.

as i went into year 4, my final year, my feelings were mixed. i didn’t feel like a senior. i didn’t feel like i had any of the expertise or weight my seniors held when they were in our position. moreover, our drama club had merged with the chinese drama club, meaning that we had to adopt an entirely new set of practices and traditions. i kicked my year off by auditioning for the chinese new year skit. guess what? i got a main role – a chinese-speaking role.

i learn chinese as a third language, so it was really quite interesting to figure out how to perform chinese rather than just say it. all my co-actors were younger than me – a nice turn from everyone being older than me in the external theatre prod in year 3 – and it was a wonderful opportunity to get to know my juniors. sometimes, i didn’t want to go to rehearsal so much that i cried. but when i got to rehearsal, suddenly all the reservations i had went away and i fully immersed myself in the craft. being around the kids and hugging them when they felt down and cheering them up made me feel like i was properly slipping into my role as a senior. it was really a turn of fate.

of course, around end-feb, i performed for my youth theatre thing again. it still felt as good as it did the first time, and was a space for me to grow beyond just a skit performed in the school hall.

around april was our biannual mid-year recital thing, same as year 2. this time, though, i was selected for the main role (again!). i’m ashamed to say that i didn’t try quite as hard as i could have; didn’t allow myself to properly connect to my character. see, my character was a father trying to grapple with the loss of his mother, and the play was about how this affected his relationship with his daughter. it was a difficult role, mainly because he didn’t respond the way i would have if (touchwood) something happened. i didn’t allow myself to actually consider what i would do, i didn’t go down that line far enough to examine my own emotional responses and relate them to my character, because i was scared of what i’d find. anyway, the process was really rushed. we didn’t explore any of the characters’ backstories during rehearsals, which made it even harder to play them. we changed stage directions and cues barely a day before performance. the props and sets team were all super stressed. it was a mess, as usual, but we somehow pulled together in the end.

i should say, i’m really quite grateful that my batchmates (who were the directors) gave me the opportunity to be in such a big role. they trusted me to carry it off and to perform it well. i don’t know if i lived up to their expectations, but i hope i wasn’t too much of a burden on them.

next! the end of year for year 4. it was finally our turn to write, direct, produce, and act in our own play. we started the process around august, and we did shit out a script, but the script was rejected and we had to come up with an entirely new plot nine days before the performance. i was supposed to be one of the script-writers, and i did do my part in writing the first script, but the writing of the second script coincided with my chinese exam (see previous post) so i couldn’t help out much with that. i didn’t really feel an attachment toward the play, and honestly thought it wouldn’t even happen.

on the day itself, as we were rehearsing, something strange happened. i felt a bit of that wonder as we lounged backstage waiting for our scene. i felt a bit of that thrill as we gossipped about boys, same as we did in year 1. i was talking to people i literally hadn’t properly talked to in two years, and it was strangely comforting. of course, things went wrong as they always did – the transformer broke in the middle of rehearsal and we were left wondering if we would even have proper spotlights and stagelights to perform with, but it got fixed in the end. a prop was torn, but they taped it up and made it look laminated.

in the end, as we performed our play to a huge crowd who screamed, gasped and cheered for us, i felt like my journey in drama club had come to a good end. not a great end, where our batch sorted out our differences and actually hugged and was one big happy family, but an ending that we all worked for. i got notes and hugs from juniors, telling me i was a great senior, and all i could think was, ‘thank you, i don’t know what i did to deserve this.’ maybe i had grown up even without realising it.

so you’ve sat through 2.3k worth of word vomit, and you’re wondering what’s the endgame. i think the point i want to make here is this: drama was my one constant throughout the four years of my time in this school. it had seen me at my best and my worst, in all its various forms. it exposed me to an entirely new way of performing art. and for all the flaws in how i experienced it, it taught me so much, and was my safe space.

in these four years i’ve gained and lost in unequal measure. maybe i’ve lost more than i have gained, maybe i wasn’t the greatest person to be around. but in the end, i’m struggling to remember every single tiny perfect imperfection. i can’t recall so many memories, but i remember the feelings i felt. yeah, my batch wasn’t the most bonded, but on stage, we made it work. we pulled up our socks and showed the world that hey, it is possible to put something together in nine days. yeah, i wasn’t the best senior, but i was a good senior, and hopefully some people will miss me. yeah, sometimes i hated going for drama club, but that doesn’t negate all the good times i had. yeah, maybe it wasn’t the best choice of extra-school club, but it was only because of it that i was able to go for that external theatre thing that changed my life.

i’ve been learning to take my bad experiences with a grain of salt. i might’ve had shitty encounters, but they’ve led me to amazing places and great discoveries. i think that’s what i want to say – that one john lennon quote that goes: everything will be okay in the end. if it’s not okay, it’s not the end. and it did turn out okay, even if it was in a relative sense. i don’t know if i’ve articulated my feelings or experiences properly here, but i tried my best. i’ve ended my journey here, made my peace with the fact that i may not be on best terms with my batchmates, but at least we put aside our differences to work together. i had an experience, and that’s all it is.

and i’d do it all over again.

thanks for reading! anbudan, noon xoxo this post was brought to u by the 2.7k word club B))

#drama #introspection #character growth #word #c'est la fucking vie #mine #noonwords

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insanityclause · 5 years

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On the sidelines of the Shanghai International Film Festival, the British star talked about how Kenneth Branagh helped his career, why he is working with BAFTA on a Chinese talent initiative and the upcoming Loki series.

Shanghai is a long way from family and familiarity for British star Tom Hiddleston, but cinema is now more than ever a global community.

So in China, the 38-year-old, who attended the Shanghai International Film Festival, which wrapped on Monday, is mostly known as Loki from the Marvel Universe thanks to the billions the franchise has collected around the world.

Hiddleston came to the Chinese metropolis to help launch the BAFTA Breakthrough China initiative, which will select five Chinese creatives — directors, writers, producers, actors or game developers — and give them a year of mentorship and support.

It’s another role that Hiddleston has fully embraced. As Loki, brother of Thor and also often his nemesis, Hiddleston found fame and later fortune as the character and the franchise grew. Now there’s a TV series in the works for the upcoming Disney+ streaming platform.

On the sidelines of the Shanghai International Film Festival, the British star talked to The Hollywood Reporter about how Kenneth Branagh helped his career, why he is working with BAFTA and the upcoming Loki series.

You’re here in your role as ambassador for BAFTA. What drew you to this?

I really believe in it. Anyone at the beginning of their career can often feel quite isolated. Perhaps you had enough confidence to make one film or give one performance. But it’s hard sometimes to know how to keep going or to make that next step, and I think mentorship is so useful. It was useful to me. I do know that there is always a great power in connection and inspiration. At the beginning of a career it is enormous. I know at the beginning of a career to have the confidence to develop your own skills, to share your imagination, to share your belief can be a very profound thing and it can last for a very long time. So I am just happy to make connections as best I can.

A connection with Kenneth Branagh helped lead you to the role of Loki. Can you talk us through what went on there?

It had a life-changing effect on me. It happened quite organically, almost by accident. He saw me in a Shakespeare production in a theater in London, he then asked me to perform with him in the television series Wallander for the BBC. We then did a Chekhov play in the West End, and then he cast me as Loki in the first Thor film. So actually we ended up spending about 12 months working together in different media.

And that’s when you career took off in global terms. How did you learn from him?

Just from being able to watch him, closely. Then he would prepare to shoot, to execute, to perform. He always treated me as an equal. At the end of that experience I had learned so much from him. But then I realized that he used to look up to Derek Jacobi and Anthony Hopkins. And when I was playing Loki for the first time and Anthony Hopkins was playing my father, he told me he used to look up to Richard Burton. So I realized that the creative industries are in a constant feedback loop of re-inspiration and imagination.

What are you expecting from the Chinese talent chosen for the BAFTA initiative?

There’s a lot for me to learn and I know a lot less about how new talent comes through here. In the U.K., certainly as an actor, I know that certain talent comes through drama school and perhaps they started in theater. It’s different in America, it’s different in Australia. But I am really excited to learn from the five Breakthrough winners how they feel about performance, how they feel about film. But for me also now the creative industries are global. The most exciting collaborations that I’ve had are international. I’ve made six films with an actor called Chris Hemsworth. He’s Australian, I’m British. We came from very different acting disciplines, but we played brothers for 10 years. I’ve learned so much from him, he’s learned so much from me. I hope we managed to pull off a convincing act as brothers!

What have you been asked in previous mentorship roles with BAFTA?

Sometimes actors ask me "how do you prepare for auditions," or it can be the simple day-to-day practice of being an actor. "How do you restore yourself after a long shoot? Where do you get your inspiration from? How do you keep trying to get better?" Those are the things you need to know, actually. Those are the things I learned from Kenneth Branagh. Seeing him work with a script, first thing in the morning, I found absolutely invigorating. He was always trying to make the story clearer. It was all about story for him. It wasn’t about ego.

Will the thespian in you point them towards theater?

I don’t know. It’s something that has helped me. My passions for theater and film are very much intertwined. My own tastes started to expand in my teams. I think as children we all love films, but I started to seek out more different films as teenager but also I started to go to the theater a lot. That’s where it all started.

Do you still get nervous on stage?

I think the day you stop getting nervous is the day you should stop. But I try to convert my nerves into a positive.

You had a start also in TV, which is a lot more common now than, say, 20 years ago when it was still looked upon as a lesser art...

To me it’s all about story. It all about connections. But lots of people have seen my TV work, like The Hollow Crown. I’m always stunned that Chinese people have seen a work done for BBC Two. There’s no such thing as a small production anymore.

What can you reveal about the upcoming Loki TV series and about this particular role?

It is a constant source of surprise and delight that these films have connected with people. I knew he was a complex figure. Intelligent yet vulnerable. Angry and lost and broken and witty. I thought it was an amazing opportunity and it’s grown into this network of movies. I could never have expected it. I feel very fortunate that this character has connected with people.

And where does the TV series take the character?

All I can tell you is that it is called Loki. It is a new departure ... but I can’t explain why.

#Tom Hiddleston #The Hollywood Reporter #get those trades writing about you

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anneapocalypse · 4 years

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RWBY 7.01 - 7.02

There is so much to talk about here. Spoilers!

(Please note that I’m not currently a FIRST member, so please don’t spoil me, thanks!)

We’re in Altas now! I love the aesthetic of Mantle, and I like that they didn’t go for the kind of full-on steel-and-glass futuristic aesthetic you might expect for all of Atlas. Instead, it’s more of a Victorian-futuristic look, with brick buildings and cobblestones and narrow streets.

Qrow’s new voice actor is killing it. Jason Liebrecht delivers a performance that is virtually indistinguishable from old Qrow if you aren’t listening closely for it. akisawana pointed out to me that he’s emoting more, which I think tracks for his character growth, but his voice and inflection is spot-on Qrow.

Themes of distrust build immediately, with Qrow uncertain if they should take to Ironwood. Weiss is concerned about the increased military presence in Mantle. We see the face of Winter Schnee on a screen, apparently the public face of Atlas military, and perhaps despite Weiss’s confidence we wonder if our heroes can trust her.

There is a fair amount of talky exposition in these first two episodes and some of it is rather on the nose, as the story quickly tries to get us up to speed with the situation and the general atmosphere in Mantle. People don’t love the surveillance state—we see some children throw a rock at one of the camera bots. But people love Atlas, and they’re proud of their city, even if difficult times.

And we meet Giapetto—I meant Pietro! Something of a convenient character, as he’s both high up in Atlas security and living and working down among the common people; he knows Ironwood, and Maria Calavera, and of course, his daughter has told him all about Team RWBY.

And as many of us probably suspected as soon as we laid eyes on this man, our sweet Penny has returned! I loved it through and through. “I thought you were dead” is one of those tropes in fiction that just always gets me, so Ruby’s face when she realized her friend was a live, and Penny’s face when she saw Ruby and recognized her… I needed a minute. It was just a truly delightful moment, made even more so by Penny’s exuberant tackle-hug.

I’m curious how it is that flightless Grimm are getting into Atlas, since I would think part of the appeal of a floating city in the first place is to keep them out. It wouldn’t stop flying Grimm, of course, but these monsters weren’t flying. EDIT: They weren’t in the floating city, they were down in Mantle, that’s my bad. Anyway, it was a fun battle to watch, as Oscar has learned a few things, and Blake backing up Yang and giving her that little nod was very sweet.

I am still banking on Oscar becoming the official new leader of Team JNR, making them Team ORNJ. Oscar’s outfits even have orange in them, and for nothing directly to do with his name. It’s a sign, I tell you!

Sadly, Qrow’s optimism must never go unpunished! and our heroes are promptly taken captive by the Aesop’s—er, I mean, the Ace Ops. ;) This feels more for drama than anything else, and it’s kind of reminiscent of Wash, Donut, Sarge, and Lopez being taken captive by the Feds in season 12 of Red vs. Blue. But there’s a valid reason: the did steal a ship.

I love how Weiss says, “Ironwood’s Ace Operatives” like they’re a big deal, but as soon as someone else acts impressed by them, she’s like, “They’re not that big a deal.” Oh Weiss! Some things about her never change, and the way she throws shade is one of those things.

I also think it’s pretty obvious that Weiss is still influenced by her upbringing, both as an Atlesian and as a Schnee. “Tyranny” honestly isn’t that much of an reach from what Ironwood’s doing. It’s easy to sympathize with him, because he’s just so goshdarn likable and he make a sadface and we do kind of know his heart’s in the right place—but he’s misguided as hell and even the people close enough to give him the benefit of the doubt can see it. Ironwood puts his faith in technology, and when his tech failed him he only doubled down, trying to make it stronger. And now that we know who the leak is from Atlas security, we can pretty much assume it’s only going to backfire on him harder next time.

“Robyn Hill and her Happy Huntresses” sounds very intriguing, and I’m always excited to meet new female leader characters! I’m also thrilled to hear we have an old Winter Maiden, and I can’t wait to meet her. Really appreciating the introduction of cool old ladies in recent volumes.

I love Blake’s expression of trust in Ruby’s leadership, which seems representative of everyone present. Ruby really is the reason they’re all here—it was her journey to Haven with team JNR that brought them all to where they are. She is not just the leader of Team RWBY but the leader of this whole expedition, especially with Ozpin having lost the trust of so many of them, and now absent entirely. They all trust her.

Ruby, by contrast, is not sure if she can trust Ironwood. I really like this. I like Ruby learning to be cagey and not bestow her trust and optimism on everyone she meets. This feels more like character growth than frankly anything we’ve seen before, and I will take it!

Ironwood has brought Penny and Winter into the inner circle. That alone I don’t really question; they’re both loyal and responsible. What I do question is his decision to tell the Ace Ops, given that… well, I know they’re supposed to be the best, and they did capture our heroes, but it’s also been kind of hard to take them seriously thus far and I question that their discretion and judgment is up to the level required.

But Ironwood doesn’t just want to tell them. He wants to tell everyone. And this is where we’re reminded, not just of the constant threat of Grimm, but that they’re drawn by negative emotions. This is a world where fear brings literal monsters, and in a world like that… the rules are just different. It’s easier to understand Ironwood’s protective instincts, I think, in that context. Managing the emotions of the public is a question of national security. It doesn’t make him right, but… it’s important context.

And here we come back to Ironwood’s reliance on technology and military might. He believes the Atlas military can keep the Grimm at bay and keep people safe. I think he’s vastly underestimating how little anyone outside of Atlas trusts the Atlesian military anymore. They won’t feel safe under his protection, especially in Vale—they might even actively resist his aid. And the more afraid and angry they are, the more Grimm will come.

There is something comical about the fact that Ironwood’s grand plan is… to rebuild Amity Arena. Oh, with a comm tower. That latter part makes perfect sense! Why it needs to be attached to a colosseum, less so. Style points, I guess? Morale booster? Sure.

It’s also comical how much our heroes buried the lede on Oscar being the new Ozpin. And here, we get confirmation that Oz is still gone. Not present, not communicating with Oscar. I thought maybe they’d come to an understand, but… nope. He’s just gone. Which feels ominous, but also makes me wonder: what if Ozpin really is gone from Oscar? What if he’s in someone else? We’ve kind of assumed that couldn’t happen, but we don’t really know for sure. It’s a far out theory, and I don’t really think it’s true, but wouldn’t it be wild if he was now in Ruby—if Ozpin’s presence were at the heart of her reticence, her keeping Ozpin’s full story from Ironwood.

Of course, it’s probably better character development for Ruby if she just did that on her own.

But that leads me to another point, which is that it just kinda seems foreshadowed at this point that Ozpin will probably, somehow, be removed Oscar. Everyone’s been thinking of the aura transfer machine from volume 3, and at this point I’d say it’s likely that’s what the machine was always for in the first place: Ozpin, who after so many lives might be tired of having to inhabit the bodies of unwilling hosts. Ironwood, with Pietro’s help, was probably trying to find a way to free Oz from the cycle of death and rebirth, by transferring him permanently into a synthetic body. It seemed like a possible solution when Amber was attacked. But the machine had to have been in development before then.

When Ruby tells Ironwood that according to Ozpin, all the lamp’s questions were used up, Ironwood says “Right… right” in such a way that makes me think he either knows, or suspects, that this isn’t true. Probably suspects. He walks to the window and says thoughtfully, “Oz told us that too, a long time ago.”

So Ironwood no longer fully trusts Ozpin. And Ruby can’t fully trust Ironwood. Even Qrow is uncertain. I think Leo’s betrayal was a real blow to him.

But the moment that I think truly cements Ironwood’s character is that despite all that, he returns the relic to Ruby for safekeeping. It is a gesture of good faith that I think is pretty unlikely to be anything but genuine. I cannot imagine him parting with that relic if he truly only wanted power for himself.

The Ironwood and Qrow hug was beautiful. Whether friendship or romance, there is definitely some kind of deep connection between the two of them. Enough that Ironwood needed to tell Qrow, personally, that it was good to see him, and underscore his sincerity. And Qrow, when James hugs him… he smiles. He looks affectionate. It’s honestly really sweet.

Our heroes are about to get weapon upgrades! I do think it’s interesting the way Winter says this: “While assisting the military, we will provide you with the best equipment our scientists can devise.” And if they are no longer assisting the military…? Yeah, I do highly suspect our heroes will fall afoul of Atlas military again at some point.

This feels a strong opening to the new volume, and it’s laying out these themes of trust and distrust quite heavily, which I think will be very interesting to watch play out among all the characters involved. Most of all I’m looking forward to more of a character arc (read: any character arc) for Ruby, but there is a lot going on here in this new Atlas-centric part of the story. I’m excited to see more.

#rwby7 #rwby spoilers

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maryxglz · 5 years

Link

Shanghai is a long way from family and familiarity for British star Tom Hiddleston, but cinema is now more than ever a global community.

So in China, the 38-year-old, who attended the Shanghai International Film Festival, which wrapped Monday, is mostly known as Loki from the Marvel Universe thanks to the billions the franchise has collected around the world.

The actor came to the Chinese metropolis to help launch the BAFTA Breakthrough China initiative, which will select five Chinese creatives — directors, writers, producers, actors or game developers — and give them a year of mentorship and support.

On the sidelines of the Shanghai fest, the British star talked to The Hollywood Reporter about how Kenneth Branagh helped his career, why he is working with BAFTA and the upcoming Loki series.

You’re here in your role as ambassador for BAFTA. What drew you to this?

A connection with Kenneth Branagh helped lead you to the role of Loki. Can you talk us through what went on there?

It had a life-changing effect on me. It happened quite organically, almost by accident. He saw me in a Shakespeare production in a theater in London, then asked me to perform with him in the television series Wallander for the BBC. We then did a Chekhov play in the West End, and then he cast me as Loki in the first Thor film. So actually we ended up spending about 12 months working together in different media.

And that’s when you career took off in global terms. How did you learn from him?

Just from being able to watch him, closely. Then he would prepare to shoot, to execute, to perform. He always treated me as an equal. At the end of that experience, I had learned so much from him. But then I realized that he used to look up to Derek Jacobi and Anthony Hopkins. And when I was playing Loki for the first time and Anthony Hopkins was playing my father, he told me he used to look up to Richard Burton. So I realized that the creative industries are in a constant feedback loop of re-inspiration and imagination.

What are you expecting from the Chinese talent chosen for the BAFTA initiative?

What have you been asked in previous mentorship roles with BAFTA?

Sometimes actors ask me, "How do you prepare for auditions?," or it can be the simple day-to-day practice of being an actor. "How do you restore yourself after a long shoot?" "Where do you get your inspiration from?" How do you keep trying to get better?" Those are the things you need to know, actually. Those are the things I learned from Kenneth Branagh. Seeing him work with a script, first thing in the morning, I found absolutely invigorating. He was always trying to make the story clearer. It was all about story for him. It wasn’t about ego.

Will the thespian in you point them towards theater?

I don’t know. It’s something that has helped me. My passions for theater and film are very much intertwined. My own tastes started to expand in my teams. I think as children we all love films, but I started to seek out more different films as a teenager [and] also I started to go to the theater a lot. That’s where it all started.

Do you still get nervous onstage?

I think the day you stop getting nervous is the day you should stop. But I try to convert my nerves into a positive.

You had a start also in TV, which is a lot more common now than, say, 20 years ago when it was still looked upon as a lesser art...

What can you reveal about the upcoming Loki TV series and about this particular role?

And where does the TV series take the character?

All I can tell you is that it is called Loki. It is a new departure ... but I can’t explain why.

#tom hiddleston #bafta #bafta breakthrough china #bafta breakthrough #siff 2019 #bafta ambassador #loki #kenneth branagh #loki series #loki tv series #disney #disney plus #marvel

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artificialqueens · 5 years

Text

as the stars align 3/? (branjie) - rujubees

A/N: hollywood enemies to lovers au; 3.4k - also on ao3

After the intervention, Vanessa knew that she would have dial down the intensity of her feud with Brooke in order to stay on good terms with the rest of the production team. Her dislike towards her hadn’t thawed much, but she was desperate to prove otherwise to the rest of her peers and avoid any movements that could be construed as negativity towards Brooke.

Vanessa admittedly had less motivation to engage in catfights and screaming matches with her co-star, but the idea of having to be nice to her was still a pain in her ass. She still found herself competing with Brooke, wanting to get a one-up on her in every possible circumstance. As perfect and composed as Brooke Lynn seemed be at all times, Vanessa knew that she wasn’t unbreakable, as she had already rendered her speechless with a simple one-liner about the kiss that they had coming up on Friday.

So, she decided to challenge her at a game she knew Brooke couldn’t win. She started to replace cruel jibes with exaggerated compliments, substituted icy scowls for the sweetest smiles. Vanessa was known in the industry for her charm and charisma and she knew that she could pull this off.

It started on Tuesday morning, the day after Michelle had scolded them so forcefully, as Vanessa entered the hair and makeup trailer with two Starbucks orders in hand a few minutes before she was required to arrive by. She smiled when she saw that Brooke was already there; despite her first day blunder, she was frequently the more early of the two when it came to arriving for work.

Vanessa strutted over to where Yvie and Shuga were already attending to her, the three of them deep in conversation.

“Hey Brooky Poo!” Vanessa called loudly, Brooke’s eyes going wide at the jarring and no doubt confusing interruption.

“Brooky Poo?” Brooke asked, irked at the nickname. Vanessa ignored her as if she had used it a thousand times before.

“I got you this,” she said with a grin, passing her the cup of coffee. “Just how you like it, I promise.”

Brooke winced as she took a sip, the hot liquid seeming to scald her tongue. Vanessa struggled to hide her annoyance; she hadn’t actually intended to burn Brooke, but it wasn’t her fault that her co-star was such a dumb blonde.

“Oops! Sorry ‘bout that boo,” Vanessa hummed.

“Is it poisoned?” Yvie deadpanned.

“Now why would I do that to my new BFF?” Vanessa asked innocently, maintaining her corny smile the entire time, fully aware that it was probably starting to come off as creepy if it hadn’t been already.

Brooke’s face was a weird mix mash of emotions; confusion, irritation and maybe even a little bit of amusement, Vanessa detected. Feeling accomplished, she went to sit down in her seat, Aquaria and Kameron not yet present, and decided to seize the opportunity to involve herself in the gossip that the other three women had been discussing.

“So, what’s the tea bitch?” Vanessa asked at no-one in particular. Yvie and Shuga exchanged looks with each other, and then with Brooke, as if they didn’t know how to proceed with this new turn of events. Brooke simply shrugged back.

“Well, we were just talking about how Miss Yvie here has a new girlfriend,” Shuga revealed.

“Aw! Good for you, sis! Who is she?” Vanessa asked delightedly. She was genuinely happy for Yvie — even though the makeup artist was firmly in Brooke’s camp, she and Vanessa had always been good-natured towards each other. As far as Vanessa was concerned, whatever game she had going on with Brooke stayed firmly between the two of them.

“It’s Scarlet,” Yvie said, a shy smile on her face, and it only took a few seconds for Vanessa to put two and two together.

“You mean — Scarlet Envy? As in our co-star who plays Brooke’s sister, Scarlet Envy?!”

Yvie nodded her head excitedly. Vanessa couldn’t believe she had been so absorbed in her own dramas that she failed to notice a whole ass relationship forming under her very nose.

“That’s the one, honey. I can’t believe y’all found love on a movie set, it’s so romantic,” Shuga gushed.

“God bless As The Stars Align, bringing unlikely duos together since… well, since whenever you two started fuckin’. First Scarlet and Yvie, now Brooke and I, isn’t that right girl?” Vanessa teased after deciding that too many seconds had passed without her killing Brooke with kindness.

“Don’t tell your boyfriend that,” Brooke retorted with a snort. Vanessa swore that she could see her blushing anyway.

“I never told you about him,” Vanessa pointed out lightly, making an effort to keep all accusations out of her voice. The implication of what she was saying was clear.

“I — I must’ve found out from someone else,” Brooke claimed, avoiding her eyes, redness continuing to rise in her cheeks.

“If you say so,” Vanessa relented, though she fixed her with a look that let her know she didn’t buy it one bit. It wasn’t such an unrealistic story, really, but Brooke’s reactions gave her away like Vanessa knew they would.

Aquaria and Kameron came bustling in a moment later, extra hair and makeup products in tow. After Brooke and Vanessa had had their little talking to yesterday, Vanessa had caught up with the two girls outside, the three of them starting to form a close relationship due to the level of proximity that they were sharing each day. After spending the majority of the meeting looking, frankly, disinterested in Michelle’s attempts to get Brooke and Vanessa to reconcile, Kameron had even indulged Vanessa that, as a bystander, their whole situation was more entertaining than it was aggravating. Vanessa could believe it; set life was definitely not as glamorous as she had anticipated prior to becoming an actor, and her back and forth with Brooke had certainly provided a little exhilaration to her days, or at the very least something to keep her preoccupied in the most mundane of moments.

It wouldn’t be like before, but Vanessa still wanted to give their audience a show. And being like this with Brooke was just too damn easy, Vanessa couldn’t keep her mouth shut. Vanessa chose to spoke up just as their hair and makeup was almost finished, knowing that most conversation topics would be exhausted and her shit stirring would go down a treat.

“So, are you looking forward to our little scene on Friday, B?” Vanessa asked, pouting her lips and batting her eyelids at Brooke.

“Why would I be?” Brooke enquired in such a monotone voice, it sounded more like a statement than a question.

“Why wouldn’t you be is the question you should be asking,” Vanessa replied confidently.

“Damn, you’re arrogant,” Brooke spat with an incredulous laugh. Vanessa’s jaw dropped in mock-offence and shock.

“Uh-uh, careful, remember what Michelle said. Play nice, kids. Listen to Nana,” Shuga reprimanded.

“I’m sorry,” Brooke began with the least apologetic voice and most fake smile Vanessa thought she had ever heard and seen. “You’re… confident.”

“Not for no reason, boo. Maybe I’ll stop by your dressing room tomorrow and show you a little preview,” Vanessa suggested with a wink.

“I — Vanessa, what the fuck,” Brooke hissed. Vanessa only gave her a coy look in return.

Brooke eyed up the hair stylists and makeup artists that were still in the room, looking fully engrossed in the scene before them.

“You’re dismissed,” Brooke declared, waving her hand at them, the four of them giving content final looks at their work before happily following Brooke’s order.

“But my mug ain’t done,” Vanessa pouted dramatically, though by the time she started complaining, Aquaria was gone.

“Ugh, you look fine.”

“Oh, I look fine, do I?” Vanessa responded flirtatiously.

“Stop it. You know what I meant,” Brooke looked away.

“Your words, bitch. Damn, what’s wrong with you?” Vanessa questioned. She was surprised to find how frustrating this whole nice-act was becoming for her. It just wasn’t as fun messing with Brooke when it was completely one sided.

“Why are you doing this?” Brooke pleaded. “We don’t like each other. You said it yourself yesterday.”

“I’m just fucking with you,” Vanessa said, feeling a little deflated. “We gotta be nice to each other now, remember?”

“So? We can be polite to each other on set, or in public, I can do that. But that doesn’t mean I wanna talk to you anymore than I have to.”

Vanessa recoiled at her harsh words, for once at a loss for what to say herself. Throughout all these weeks of rehearsing and shooting, Brooke had been her main focus. She didn’t even know what staying out of Brooke’s hair would begin to look like.

“I can see they don’t call you the ice queen for nothing,” Vanessa gave a quiet, humourless chuckle. She stared into her lap for a couple of minutes, but when she was greeted with nothing but silence in response, she wished she could take her words back.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that,” Vanessa said, the apology directed at Brooke tasting strange on her tongue.

“It’s okay,” Brooke said, much to Vanessa’s surprise. “How could I be mad? You’re not wrong.” She had a softness in her eyes that Vanessa didn’t think she had seen before.

“Keep talking in that tone, mami, and I might be fooled into thinking you don’t actually hate me.” The nickname had slipped out completely against Vanessa’s will, and she said a silent prayer that Brooke wouldn’t pick up on it, or at least, would brush past it like nothing happened if she did.

“Uh,” Brooke stuttered, smiling gently. She seemed nervous, whether it was at Vanessa’s awkward use of ‘mami’ or something else, Vanessa didn’t know, but for once she wasn’t gonna question it. It was nice, getting to see this side of Brooke.

“I’m sorry too, I guess,” Brooke continued, in a voice barely above a whisper.

“I’ll leave you alone,” Vanessa reassured her, wanting to get out of this goddamn trailer before she could make an idiot of herself any further. She thought if she said anything else, she was bound to ruin the tentative understanding that seemed to be bubbling between them.

“Oh. Okay.”

“See you on set, Blondie,” Vanessa said, hurrying out the door and wondering how it was possible to feel so differently about someone after such a short amount of time.

—

After Michelle and co’s intervention on Monday, Brooke had done some thinking. A lot of thinking. More specifically, she had thought about her dynamic with Vanessa.

Some people called Brooke an ice queen, some people called her a diva, some called her both, and some people called her other things entirely, some of which were a lot nicer to hear than others. But if there was one thing everyone agreed on, it was that Brooke Lynn Hytes was damn good at her job. She worked hard, and she always gave it her all when it came to acting.

Those closest to Brooke also knew that sure, she had experienced some of the highest highs possible when it came to her career — but she had also endured the lowest lows that the industry had to offer. Brooke had had friendships with female co-stars and peers break down due to the press comparing them so viciously. She’d been disrespected, degraded and patronised by male authorities, even accepted their treatment in order to make it as far as she could. She still continued to have days where she doubted whether getting to do what she loved was worth the constant public scrutiny and criticism.

Brooke was an over-thinker, and the more she thought about how she and Vanessa had been acting towards each other, the worse she felt. The possibility that she might be compromising her performance for the best role she’d had in years made her mad. There were hundreds, maybe thousands of tireless contributors on production other than herself and Vanessa, and the fact that she had made their jobs more difficult with her behaviour made her feel sick. And then there was Vanessa. As she reflected on their relationship, she realised that although she found the other woman intolerable, their feud was pretty unsubstantiated. If anything, when she looked at the facts, it seemed like Brooke had started it purposefully — first by being unreceptive to Vanessa at their first meeting, and then by refusing to justify her lateness on the first day of set. Almost as if she wanted her co-star to hate her.

She knew she wasn’t entirely to blame for the escalation of her dispute with Vanessa. But she was five years older than her, and her amount of Hollywood experience was most likely double that. She should’ve known better; she knew it was petty and childish to make an enemy of someone who would need friends and allies if she wanted longevity in this industry, even if she didn’t know that herself yet.

However, Vanessa was intolerable none the less. She was opinionated and explosive and the loudest person Brooke had ever met. She never kept her thoughts to herself and, ironically, couldn’t seem to hide how she was feeling, despite being an actress. Brooke was so sure that she’d never manage to pretend to feel any other way about Brooke than what she was actually feeling, which seemed to vary from vague dislike to unadulterated loathing depending on her mood. She was a loose cannon.

But Vanessa was also unpredictable, Brooke had learnt. She’d envisioned many arguments that could ensue following the intervention. In her mind, if Vanessa was feeling mellow that day, the insults she would send Brooke’s way would be replaced by a sullen demeanour and thinly-veiled distaste. Each and every one of these scenarios ended in Brooke refusing to give into her worst impulses and being the bigger person, something that she was so sure she would need to do.

So, when Vanessa came in on Tuesday morning, all smiles and Starbucks drinks, Brooke thought that maybe she had her wrong all along.

Vanessa being nice to her was a complete facade, that was the entire point — Brooke knew this. Or at least, that was how it began. She appeared to enjoy watching Brooke stutter and blush. But after they had both gotten over the shock of interacting in a way that wasn’t fighting, Vanessa seemed disappointed that Brooke wasn’t humouring her, wasn’t bantering back like she usually would before.

And then she’d looked like a kicked puppy when Brooke told her she didn’t want to talk to her — sadness was an emotion she’d never seen on Vanessa, and she instantly regretted being the one to make her feel that way. She’d called her an ice queen, and apologised right after. And then called her mami, something which stirred something up in Brooke that she didn’t wanna think about. She had probably done too much thinking about Vanessa already.

—

Brooke was sat at her trailer dressing table in the middle of her Thursday lunch break when she heard a knock at the door.

“It’s unlocked,” Brooke called out.

She guessed it would be Yvie, here to check her makeup before the afternoon shoots, or maybe an assistant to call her to set early. She didn’t expect it to be Vanessa with another goddamn coffee cup, but she was starting to realise that maybe she should stop having any expectations whatsoever when it came to Vanessa.

“What are you doing here?” Brooke asked, trying to keep her tone genuine with no hint of bite to it.

“I’m a woman of my word,” Vanessa shrugged.

“You don’t have to keep getting these for me, you know,” Brooke said, eyeing her suspiciously, still none the wiser to the reason for Vanessa’s visit but accepting the coffee anyway.

“Look, don’t freak out— ”

“I’m pretty sure that prefacing your sentence with ‘don’t freak out’ only ever results in that person freaking the fuck out,” Brooke cut her off, anxiety beginning to creep in.

“Bitch, calm down, if it were that serious, they wouldn’t have picked me to try and soften the blow,” Vanessa reassured her. Brooke gave a half smile in agreement.

“Okay, then what?”

“Well, as you know, we have a pretty big scene coming up tomorrow…” Vanessa let out slowly.

“A few people may have mentioned it,” Brooke said, her heart beginning to race as she began to get a clue about where Vanessa was going with this.

“I’m just gonna say it… I think we should practice,” Vanessa declared. Her voice had dropped an octave and she was inching closer towards Brooke in a way that was very much not like the mechanical and stiff rehearsals that Brooke was used to when it came to more intimate scenes.

“Practice what?” Brooke began, feigning obliviousness, “the lines?” She reached desperately across her table for the script before shoving them into Vanessa’s hands, which were now no longer out of reach.

“Not the lines,” Vanessa rejected, “the kiss, you can say it, Brooke, don’t be shy.”

“I don’t know if that will be necessary.” Brooke sounded so unconvincing she didn’t even believe herself, and her eyes betrayed her as they dropped down to Vanessa’s plump lips that looked softer than any lips had the right to be.

“I mean…” Vanessa drawled, climbing up onto Brooke’s lap, and Brooke hated how much she didn’t hate it, told herself that the things Vanessa was making her body feel were just a normal reaction to stimulus, it didn’t mean anything.

“Our chemistry’s been kinda chaotic and… unconventional lately,” Vanessa continued, bringing her lips to Brooke’s ears, tugging on the black silk robe that Brooke was inconveniently wearing. “It’s gonna piss you off real bad when you realise that kissin’ me is so much better than hatin’ me, mami, so better get it all out here than in front of those nosey asses.”

Brooke didn’t think Vanessa would actually go through with it; she was no doubt just fucking with her again and expecting her to pussy out at the last second, but Brooke didn’t even care. Whatever stupid game Vanessa was playing was working, Brooke was only human after all, and Vanessa was hot as hell. She was about to say fuck it, call her bluff, maybe pin her against her trailer wall when —

A series of loud knocks made them both stop dead in their tracks; Brooke appreciated the time to pull herself together, expecting Vanessa to backtrack as soon as her actions caught up with her brain, but instead she merely pulled back and gave her a look that said this isn’t over.

“Yeah, this is a really bad idea,” Brooke concluded, knocking Vanessa off of her as she got up to get her door.

Yvie and Scarlet came bounding in, hand in hand, and Brooke had never been one for relationships but even she had to admit that the whole film set love story thing they had going on was pretty cute.

“Well well well, what have we here?” Scarlet queried with a grin, Yvie raising her eyebrows as she pushed her face into Scarlet’s neck.

Brooke was about to give some half-assed explanation, but Vanessa got there first.

“Nothing,” she said, her eyes glued to the floor. She seemed bothered, so different from her normal sassy self, but Brooke had no clue what she had done to change her mood from a moment ago so drastically.

“I’m gonna go,” Vanessa started to leave.

“No! Stay! I wanna know what it’s like to hang out with three movie stars at once,” Yvie protested.

“I, uh — Kameron needs to fix my hair,” Vanessa insisted, though Brooke was pretty sure it was a lie because to her, Vanessa’s chocolate curls looked as annoyingly flawless as they always did.

“Vanessa— ” Brooke called as the other woman reached for the door, then turned back around at the sound of her name. Brooke’s brain tried to formulate a way to check in on her without sounding like she cared too much, because caring was definitely not something she was supposed to feel towards Vanessa.

“I’ll see you on set,” Brooke said.

#rpdr fanfiction #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #branjie #lesbian au #enemies to lovers #friends to lovers #as the stars align #rujubees #concrit welcome

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body-in-revolt · 5 years

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ALL OVER - ACTS OF LOVE: interview with director Marcus Azzini

text: Haroon Ali

“In All Over – Acts of Love I simply want to tell a beautiful love story.”

It’s as if the activist has awoken in theatre director Marcus Azzini (47), as we discover on the roof terrace of the International Theatre Amsterdam (ITA). Azzini made the performance Small Town Boy, based on the eponymous gay anthem (Smalltown Boy) by Bronski Beat, together with ITA especially for the Amsterdam Pride this summer. Like the famous Eighties song, the piece is about a gay boy escaping the countryside to seek happiness in the big city. ‘It’s my first performance specifically made for the LGBTI community’, Azzini confides.

‘It’s important that we keep telling these stories’, so the Brazilian-Dutch artistic director of Toneelgroep Oostpool tells us. ‘Until we’re no longer regarded as minorities. That term alone: “minorities”. We’re clearly in search of a new vocabulary for the discussions that are playing out now. Why should it be “extraordinary” that I, a homosexual man, have a 12-year-old son? Indeed, I advocate that no one should need to “come out of the closet”. Because it implies that some shame must be overcome before the real life can begin.’

After Small Town Boy, the rehearsals for All Over – Acts of Love, a unique collaboration between Arnhem based Toneelgroep Oostpool and contemporary dance platform ICK Amsterdam got underway. This performance is about two people who fall for each other – and who happen to be men. ‘In other words, another pink theme. I’m not intent on jumping onto the barricades, but after talks with choreographers Emio Greco and Pieter C. Scholten and writer Hannah van Wieringen I realized that this has to become a positive piece that, for once, does not problematize gay love. It wears me out to be regarded as “different”, just for sharing a bed with men. In All Over – Acts of Love I simply want to tell a beautiful love story.

What distinguishes this romance from other love stories?

‘Superficially these are just two men in their early thirties who live in a metropolis. Soon, however, it becomes clear that they’re living in our time in which climate change is constantly breathing down our spines. How do you live with that? How does it affect them? In other words: love in a time of climate change.’

What does the title All Over – Acts of Love stand for?

‘The first bit means to say: what if it’s all over and the world is really done for? But then it also means something like being all over each other. Acts of Love refers to love as a string of actions. Love is something you do, maybe even more than something you feel. That may also touch upon the psychology of a couple who have been together for long. What does it do to you to spend a whole life with one person; what does it do to your body to lie in bed beside the same person for fifty years? It’s something we can hardly imagine anymore. I’ve been with my man for nine years now --and I find even that something special.’

Will you be staying together for the rest of your lives?

‘The wish is there, at least. Matthijs (van Bergen, fashion designer – ed.) spent nine months in London last year. I found out then, that I sleep and recharge better if he’s in bed beside me. So, he’s a sort of power pack; my love charger. Isn’t it strange that my body needs his body that much? Not just for romantic reasons, but truly for the physical aspect of love.’

Are you someone who’s always in relationships?

‘As it happens, I’ve had several long-lasting relationships. The first one eleven years; then single for five years; now nine years at a stretch. Since I regard love as something you can do or make, it also becomes possible to create love in the theatre. If I play that I love you and you experience that as love even though you know I’m acting, then that’s love. You must keep seeing it as a play. If you are so merged together after all those years, then it’s nice to keep surprising each other and to ask yourself again and again: who do I want to be now? That merging and playing at love are the focus of this performance.’

How did you get involved in this project?

‘ICK approached me. I made the performance LIstEn & See (LIES) together with Ann van den Broek, in which we also brought together actors and dancers. I generally focus on the physical aspect of acting and I want to connect the brain and the body. So, I do understand why ICK came to me – and I immediately wanted to accept the challenge. That’s what set the ball rolling

I called in Theun Mosk, a scenographer I enjoy working with, and Hannah van Wieringen, who is writing the text. She always comes up with strong dialogues that are very up to date. She knows how to capture beautifully how real people talk, while rendering it just a bit more poetic.’

How did you put together the cast?

‘The piece follows the four seasons, performed by Ludwig Bindervoet and Kendrick Etmon. I chose them because they’re both powerful and inspiring actors who are fully engaged with the world and keep an open mind. There’s also a good chemistry between them. They’re two fiery men who project love, vulnerability and sex, even. The cast of dancers consists of Beatrice Cardone, Denis Bruno, Arad Inbar, Edward Lloyd, Isaiah Wilsson and Siva Canbazoglu, and others.’

Wouldn’t a cross-over of the two disciplines be more exciting?

‘Dance and drama are not separate for nothing, since you need to be so damn good in either discipline. So, there’s little point in drawing them out of their comfort zones. There are actors who can move well, but they will never dance at the level of ICK. And a dancer who has to speak becomes less of a dancer because he cannot focus on his specific talent. Therefore, I don’t use the term cross-over, but see it as a meeting. I want to look at what happens when actors and dancers practise their own disciplines alongside and betwixt each other. I had this wild idea, initially, to keep the actors out of sight altogether and just let them be heard, rather like an audio play. But it’s much more exciting after all to see the bodies of the actors move in between the dancers.’

So, what role does dance play in this performance?

‘I had long discussions with Emio and Pieter about the choreography. I asked them if I could use their entire body of work to create a new dance language. Like directors often use a play by Shakespeare to do with it what they want. Well, they were a little hesitant at first, because a choreography is a work of art that has been perfected to the finest detail. Once you begin to toss around with it, it doesn’t do well. When we talked about it some more, they came up with the idea of creating a choreography together with the dancers especially for me, like a gift tied in a bow. It’s up to me to decide if I use the whole choreography or just a little piece of it. It’s still a dialogue, of course. Everything comes together in the rehearsals and then I see what works best.’

Do Pieter and Emio still have an influence on the performance, or do you keep them out?

Laughing: ‘I try to ban them as much as possible. No, not that, but they won’t meddle with it much. I do have a rehearsal director overseeing the technique of the dance movements, so that each toe is placed the way it should. It will take all parties some getting used to, but Emio, Pieter and I have fortunately known each other for years, so there’s full trust between us. And we’ve put together such a good team, so it feels like a creative playground.’

Is this cross-over – sorry: meeting – of dance and drama a new trend?

‘I don’t know. Some people are wary of cross-overs, because they think that it dilutes the arts disciplines. The performing arts are continuing to innovate, but it can be confusing to the audience sometimes. That is why I tell everyone explicitly that All Over – Acts of Love is a dance performance, so as to keep things clear.’

ALL OVER – ACTS OF LOVE

DANCE AND LANGUAGE FIND EACH OTHER IN THE SEARCH FOR LOVE

In All Over – Acts of Love, a collaboration with Toneelgroep Oostpool, dancers and actors present movements of love. Hannah van Wieringen has written dialogues in which there is exploring, thinking and feeling. Emio Greco and Pieter C. Scholten have created a choreography. Theatre director Marcus Azzini has brought everything together in a space designed by Theun Mosk in which bodies and language find each other without one yielding to another. Both go to great lengths in their urge for complete abandon.

For credits and tour dates please visit

www.ickamsterdam.nl

Publicity image: Henri Verhoef Portrait Marcus Azzini: Bas de Brouwer Stage photography: Alwin Poiana

#theatre #dance #love #performance #director #Marcus Azzini #Toneelgroep Oostpool

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wigwurq · 5 years

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WIG REVIEW: FOSSE/VERDON

Are you ready for another prestige limited series from FX? Do you like the legitimate THE-A-TRE? Can you do jazz hands upon request? Well then Fosse/Verdon might be for you. MAYBE.

But what about the wigs? Let’s discuss. As this an eight episode series, I will be updating this post weekly and adjusting whether or not the wigs do or do not wurq. Spoilers, obvs.

So this show is about legendary director/choreographer Bob Fosse and his wife/Broadway legend, Gwen Verdon. If you have never heard of either, I suggest that you stop reading because this show is definitely not for you. Sorry? Produced by Lin-Manuel Miranda and directed by Hamilton’s Thomas Kail, this show is made ONLY for theater megageeks and basically no one else. As a former drama club president who definitely got Joel Grey’s autograph after seeing the original Broadway revival cast of Chicago, I thought I fit that bill but after watching this thing, I don’t even know that I qualify. My husband, who spent most of the episode asking questions until finally just deeming the whole thing “boring” was absolutely not the key demographic and yes he went into this knowing who these two people are and has seen several musicals. Similar limited series focusing on very specific pop culture such as Feud: Bette and Joan did a much better job catering to the uninitiated.

EPISODE ONE: LIFE IS A CABARET

We begin at the end, then go straight to the middle, which is: a choice. We first see Sam Rockwell in old man makeup (sorry - I could find no images of this to share) and then backtrack. Much of this episode is focused on Fosse’s transition from choreographer to film director. This is when Fosse had already lost much of his hair and had a bad combover and Rockwell is given this wig that is giving me Ed Harris circa 1998 feels and like all bad man wigs, looks terrible from the back.

We are then plunged straight into production for the film version of Sweet Charity without any explanation of anything other than the fact that (duh) he’s directing the iconic Big Spender number. But wait - there’s a twist! Turns out Michelle Williams as Gwen Verdon did a lot of the directing! DUN DUN DUN. I am all for giving ladies their propers and approaching narratives as if they are Glenn Close’s The Wife character but this does not change the fact that this red Marilyn Monroe wig is not very good.

This is all very Theatre-y with a capital T and an ending in RE NOT ER. Everything has a Theatre quality to it - but not in that Tony winning Hamilton way, more in that Emmy winning Grease: Live! way (Kail directed both) which is to say that there is no immediacy or intimacy to anything - all the characters feel like they are far away, performing on a stage - and it leaves the viewer feeling empty and, well, bored. TV and stage are just not the same! Oh, and Fosse just found out that movies and stage are not the same because Sweet Charity was a big flop! Look at how sad they are in their gorgeous apartment and terrible, bent wigs with backs that jut out from their necks! THE HORROR!

So then Paul Reiser shows up. He is fine and I’m glad he’s getting work and he’s thankfully not wearing a wig! When a new character shows up in this show, you spend the first five minutes or so trying to figure out who they are supposed to be playing, like an IMDb charades game since no one explains who they are and simply give vague context clues. At first, I thought he was Neil Simon, then he mentioned making a movie with homosexuals and Nazis so I was like: DEFINITELY MEL BROOKS but it turns out it he is Cabaret producer Cy Feuer. You, know - CY FEUER? You don’t?? WELL WE’RE NOT GOING TO EXPLAIN IT TO YOU WE ARE FOSSE/VERDON.

Aaaaanyway, Fosse gets the job of directing Cabaret and goes to Munich and meets Liza Minnelli who in this tv reality looks like this which is not how Liza Minnelli ever looked. AND THIS WIG. AT LEAST GIVE LIZA A GOOD WIG NOT ONE YOU FOUND AT RICKY’S. NEXT.

Then Paul Reiser gives Sam Rockwell a lot of guff about taking too long to direct things and not deciding about costumes and hiring ugly German prostitutes to be extras yet somehow allows him to wear these really ugly shoes. Throughout, Rockwell’s wig is a mess of a tumbleweave, not unlike this show. And then Michelle Williams shows up to save his ass like all capable ladies ever and even goes to buy a gorilla suit in NYC only to arrive back in Munich where Rockwell is boning some German translator who looks way too much like Ann Reinking. There’s also a lot of nonlinear theatrical vignettes into Fosse’s past that play like, well, All That Jazz. Which this is not.

In the end, we go back to old man Fosse, and it is told to us that he has only EIGHT MORE MINUTES TO LIVE. Kudos to the production team for somehow trying to turn Bob Fosse’s 1987 death into a thriller. Spoiler: it’s not.

EPISODE TWO: WHO’S GOT THE PAIN?

We (obvs?) begin in Majorca, where 70s-era Fosse and Verdon have gone to patch up their marriage. Also can you think of a more bougie place to go in the 70s to patch up your fancy marriage? There are a lot of scenes on the beach where Sam Rockwell’s 90s Ed Harris wig gets blown around and Michelle Williams cries into a cardigan. And because misery loves company, apparently their best friends, the Neil Simons, are along for the ride. Joan Simon is Gwenny’s best gal pal and her wig is something one might find in a pile of Halloween wigs to play Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction.

We then travel back to 1955, or “267 since Gwen Verdon’s first Tony Award.” Yes, this show is still doing this insufferable titling which really is a lot of fun facts that add up to nothing. Regardless, we’re at the point where Verdon and Fosse meet as he “auditions” her for Damn Yankees which he is to choreograph. I have to say that this scene, with both actors dancing and wearing much better wigs than their characters wear in the 70s (still terrible though!) was pretty fun! They can dance!

They also obvs fall very much in love, though weirdly the scene of them actually having sex for the first time is buried in a montage. You have very odd priorities, Fosse/Verdon! Complicating matters is Gwen’s perpetually bent wig, Fosse’s kind of ok in comparison wig, and oh and the fact that he’s married!

This show not only wants but DEMANDS that you wikipedia everything that is happening, mainly from its distinct lack of good storytelling. Anyway, Fosse’s 2nd wife was Joan McCracken and OMG CAN WE PLEASE HAVE A PRESTIGE TV SHOW ABOUT HER? Wiki tells me that her first husband ended up being Truman Capote’s lover and that Capote based the character of Holly Golightly on her and seriously why are we wasting our time on this Fosse/Verdon mess when we could be learning more about her?!?! Anyway, what the show does tell us is that she has a mysterious illness that makes her sometimes not be able to walk (Wiki explained that she had some heart attacks around this time). Also, she is no fool and fully realizes that Fosse is gonna leave her fabulous ass for Gwenny - just the way he left his first wife for her! Also please look at Sam’s terrible lace front here. Also Joan’s wig is very much Joan Allen in Pleasantville which is to say: the best wig on this show.

Anyway, the rest of the episode is devoted to working out some musical kinks in Damn Yankees and watching Michelle Williams dance around in a bad wig. Oh, and then finally leave Fosse in Majorca when she realizes he’s about to leave HER fabulous ass for some German translator (I’m sensing a theme here). And the show ends trying to make Joan McCracken’s death into a thriller! Spoiler: Wikipedia tells me she died in 1961! Wikipedia is a much better show than this, also.

EPISODE THREE: ME AND MY BABY

We begin in some random editing suite where Fosse has gone to begin editing Cabaret and because this show cannot and will not stop trying to be All that Jazz (which I rewatched this weekend and LORDT IS THIS SHOW TRYING TO BE THAT MOVIE - AND ALSO BOTH ARE GARBAGE!) there is an elaborate dance number with random editing assistant (?) ladies. The one good part of this is: Sam Rockwell dancing. Otherwise: garbage fire.

Speaking of garbage fires, the (4 hour!) rough edit of Cabaret that the editors put together for Fosse while he was in Majorca (which he was really pissed about because HOW DARE THEY DO THEIR JOBS) is a friggin mess. Speaking of messes, THE BACK OF THIS WIG. Is Fosse a monk? What is happening here? However, I do appreciate the casting of the dude who played SpongeBob on Broadway as Joel Grey.

Back at Casa Verdon, where Fosse DOES NOT LIVE ANYMORE, Gwenny is making dinner and trying to get her own career back together when Fosse shows up unannounced with Chinese food and pleas for Gwenny to help him edit the mess that is Cabaret. RUDE! Gwenny and her bent wig have their own dinner dates with her agent, Peter Scolari at the Russian Tea Room to get to THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Thus, Gwenny leaves their daughter with Fosse and his epic combover at the editing suite to go to her dinner date and HE CAN’T EVEN HANDLE being with his tween daughter for a few hours (since he definitely has to make time to bone his editing assistant) and ropes Norbert Leo Butz in a very shaggy wig to come hang out with his kid in a hotel room. Gwenny is NOT HAVING IT.

Even though Butz basically just ate a bunch of sloppy food and made the daughter watch a b horror movie, Gwenny points out that leaving a tweenage daughter with a random dude in a hotel room is INAPPROPRIATE EVEN IF THAT DUDE WROTE MARTY WHICH IS A PERFECT MOVIE.

This makes her reflect on her own (somehow very Magdalene-Sisters-like) tweenage years (as played by a younger actress whose image could NOT be found on the internet, gurl) when she was raped and impregnated and then slut-shamed by her parents into marrying a much older alcoholic. YIKES.

So back in the 70s, despite the fact that she’s in some rando straight play called Children! Children! (yes really) which is being directed by a condescending asshole and taking care of her kid, she somehow finds time to go help her estranged idiot husband edit the movie that she basically co-directed. SERIOUSLY WOMEN HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING. Also all these wigs look like crap. Just when you think Fosse is maybe being redeemable, he decides to bring up the Gwenny’s illegitimate son AT THE VERY WORST MOMENT DUDE YOU ARE THE WORST.

Back with Young Gwenny, we see her giving her infant son to her parents to raise so she can go be a dancer. We then cut to her triumphant turn in Can-Can (some years later but Fosse/Verdon definitely doesn’t specify how many). Gwenny’s show might be a triumph, but her wig is still a mess. Oh, and she’s still haunted by the cries of the baby she gave up BECAUSE WOMEN CAN NEVER FULLY HAVE NICE THINGS.

EPISODE FOUR: GLORY

We begin at Cabaret. Isn’t life one, you guys? Fosse is all poised for this to be the flop that (apparently?) Sweet Charity was but nope: it’s a big huge critical and commercial hit! Do whatever you want, now, Fosse! Oh wait, you already do everything you want anyway? Cool! Fosse and his circa 1997 Ed Harris wig are now unstoppably arrogant! Get ready! So Fosse’s next project is the medieval/psychedelic nonsense musical, Pippin which will definitely give you contact highs.

JUST LOOK AT HOW HIGH THIS MUSICAL IS. I think when people from the Mid Waste think of Broadway musicals, this is what most of them still think that looks like. Also this is how I fear I’ll die.

Speaking of! Gwenny’s best galpal, Joan Simon (wife to Neil) is dying of cancer! It’s very sad because she’s really nice and despite her bad Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction wig I appreciate her dedication to half updos with bows that match her outfits.

Gwenny does not even have time to be sad about this because she needs to take her bent wig over to Pippin rehearsals to pick up her daughter only to find that Fosse has given her FOUR TABS TO DRINK THAT IS LIKE 3 1/2 TOO MANY. She handles it by smiling through her hatred and truly this was a very Miranda Priestly moment and also I like Gwen’s top. ALSO LOOK AT THE BACK OF FOSSE’S WIG NO THANK YOU PLEASE.

Over at Pippin rehearsals, we also meet Ann Reinking (who will become Fosse’s lady love for the next decade or so) but for now she’s keeping things professional and also this is Andie MacDowell’s (wigless, thank god) daughter. Ok!

Fosse is definitely NOT keeping things professional and basically boning the rest of the Pippin ensemble cast, whether they like it or not! There is a very #MeToo moment where Fosse ends up getting a knee to the groin and GOOD.

Not so good? Gwenny’s play Children! Children! (that title - I still can’t). Despite asking Fosse to come over and FIX. IT. he is too busy becoming the poster dude for Time’s Up and Gwenny’s show ends up getting bad reviews and closing immediately. Also her wig is fully turning into a Jean Stapleton in All in the Family lewk. Whilst Gwenny’s professional life is going to crap, Fosse is winning ALL THE AWARDS as shown in a really confusing montage which suggested that the Tony Awards are before the Oscars. INCORRECT.

In the end, Fosse drunkenly tries to go bone Gwenny but she has wisely shacked up with that dude from Obvious Child which literally leads Fosse into a MENTAL INSTITUTION and the entire show to basically just turn into All that Jazz which I will remind everyone is a very derivative and terrible movie! OY.

EPISODE 5: WHERE AM I GOING?

The title of this episode should really be an question for the viewer: where are you going? Where are we all going? Are we still really watching this show? Sadly: yes. UGH I think we’re more than halfway through now? Let’s just finish this thing!

We begin at the mental hospital where Fosse ended the last episode. Gwenny and their kid are visiting him and Fosse is basically catatonic. This does not stop Gwenny from moving FULL STEAM AHEAD ON CHICAGO! Then cut to: Southampton? Huh? Sure! There, Fosse and his best bros, Neil Simon and Paddy Chayefsky are having a beach weekend which leads to the above upsetting 70s mens shorts (which thankfully Norbert Leo Butz did NOT sign on for). I love dudes who refuse to wear shorts in the summer, no matter how hot it is. My husband is one of these dudes.

The one problem with this beach weekend? Everybody together in their best impression of Renee Zellweger in Cold Mountain: IT’S RAINING! So everyone is stuck inside. And also it’s kind of a Big Chill sort of scenario except the role of Kevin Costner as the dead friend is now: Joan Simon. And also Fosse just got out of a mental institution 3 months ago. And he’s there with his girlfriend and Gwenny is there with her boyfriend. AND ALL THE WIGS ARE TERRIBLE.

So Fosse’s girlfriend: Ann Reinking! When last we saw her, she was ignoring Fosse at Pippin rehearsals but it’s explained that after his (1 week!) stay in the looney bin, he gave her a ring and now they’re in LURRRVE. Ok? Andie MacDowell’s daughter plays Annie and she doesn’t wear a wig and she’s fine. Fosse’s circa 1997 Ed Harris wig is still very upsetting. As is his tan!

Also upsetting? Gwenny rolls up with this RAT TAIL (it’s hard to see in this pic but it’s the best I could do!) We’re supposed to believe that in the last 3 months she suddenly grew this monstrosity out?!?! MORE ON THE BONE CHILLING TRUTH ABOUT THIS RAT TAIL LATER.

Gwenny also has a really nice boyfriend named Ron. He is played by that guy who played a nice guy in The Office, Obvious Child, and Girls. He doesn’t wear a wig and he is very nice! Fosse’s combover is not!

Oh also along for the ride is Fosse/Verdon’s daughter Nicole who is definitely too young to be dealing with all these effed up grownups and also is bored and ends up giving herself a cigarette/pickle-induced stomach virus. GET IT TOGETHER, PARENTS.

Most of the episode is about whether Fosse should direct Dustin Hoffman in Lenny or proceed with Gwenny’s vanity project, Chicago, despite the fact that his doctors told him to take a year off work from either! Spoiler to anyone who has never seen All that Jazz or who does not know enough about Fosse to even bother watching this: HE DOES BOTH! WHO IS THIS SHOW EVEN FOR?!?! Also Norbert Leo Butz’s man wig is not as bad as the rest. Great work on not wearing shorts again also! Also Fosse/Verdon bone again in secret even though they are married but have lovers. The 70s!

And now to the critical and bone-chilling facts about Gwenny’s rat tail! After a night of drinking and making terrible professional and personal choices, Gwenny sits down to a breakfast of coffee and one single piece of fruit and then....UNCLIPS HER RAT TAIL AND POUFS IT UP! So first off, that clears up the whole “how did her hair grow so long so fast” question. HOWEVER. This now leads to another case of WIG GASLIGHTING. This is when a wig (which is being passed off as real hair) is of equal or lesser quality to a wig that is a known wig within the context of the narrative. In other words - the quality of this rat tail (which we now know to be a wig) is of the same exact quality as the wig Michelle Williams wears to play Gwenny. WIG GASLIGHTING! For other bone-chilling examples of past wig gaslightings please see my reviews of The Danish Girl and Oceans Eight. WIG GASLIGHTING IS TERRIFYING.

EPISODE 6: ALL I CARE ABOUT IS LOVE

And here we are. Throughout this (limited) season, we’ve gotten hints and asides, teases and tosses of All That Jazz but this episode fully just is a remake of the movie All That Jazz. Which I recently rewatched and is terrible. Terrible still? Anyone who would be watching this show would clearly be familiar with this awful film - so why make an episode that is that entire movie with absolutely no new information?!?! Again: WHO IN THE HELL IS THIS SHOW FOR?!?!

Anyway, if you haven’t seen All That Jazz, this episode is about Fosse editing Lenny while also directing/choreographing Chicago AND having some heart issues that end in hospitalization. Gwenny’s wig is bent as ever and Fosse’s circa 1997 Ed Harris lewk is still the same. Truly, there is no new information in this episode at all except that some of it is presented with Fosse AS Lenny Bruce which was an AWFUL IDEA.

OH! Except this lady playing Chita Rivera who is really good and has the brunette version of Gwenny’s bent wig.

ALSO! Nicole Fosse is now played by this slightly older actor who looks nothing like her younger version (or the actual Nicole Fosse) and is in a definitely terrible wig (and also forced to wear heavy makeup to visit her dad in the hospital because kids aren’t allowed to visit hospitals? IS THIS REALLY A RULE?)

Anyway, there’s a lot of All That Jazz hospital drama here and a lot of terrible flashblacks to Fosse’s burlesque tween years which attempt to explain his messed up relationship with women in an extremely Don Draper in Mad Men flashback way. There is also messed up hospital sex with Ann Reinking! THIS EPISODE IS AWFUL IN EVERY WAY!

EPISODE 7: NOWADAYS

Fosse recovered! For now! Back at Chicago rehearsals, everyone is wearing extra socks and doing just great. The most important addition to this show this week is that they got some dude to play Jerry Orbach! His man wig was terrible!

He also very did not look like Jerry Orbach! Anyway, this episode was mainly about Gwenny being TOO OLD for all this choreography, y’all. She was huffing and puffing all over fake Jerry Orbach so Fosse had to cut a lot of her dancing but once the show opened guess what? Gwenny got better reviews than the show itself! Take that, dance steps! However, there was a whole part where Gwenny read Fosse for filth and said that he owed his entire career to her and how dare he make the finale a duet between her and Chita! (He made the finale a duet). There were also many flashbacks about Fosse and Gwenny’s fertility issues and I almost believed that Nicole was adopted until Gwenny got legit pregnant while Fosse was too busy dancing to construct cribs. You almost taught me something, Fosse/Verdon!

OMG I CAN’T STOP LOOKING AT THESE PICTURES OF FAKE JERRY ORBACH. Anyway, Fosse/Verdon then legit DID teach me something: apparently a few weeks into the run of Chicago, Gwenny inhaled some confetti during the finale and it effed with her vocal chords but she refused to leave the show, thinking it might close if she did. BUT THEN Fosse got LIZA EFFING MINNELLI to take her place while she got surgery and recovered! This was news to me! HOWEVER, Fosse/Verdon refused to show me any footage of even fake Liza in the show which was a real missed opportunity.

Anyway, Liza revived the show and Gwenny was kind of pissed about it but on every level: THE SHOW MUST GO ON. Here is Gwenny during the finale which she was forced to share with Chita. And this show didn’t even show us the full finale! I DEMAND TO SEE MICHELLE WILLIAMS DOING THE HOT HONEY RAG WHY DID YOU EVEN MAKE THIS SHOW IF I CAN’T SEE IT. There is literally no reason for this show to exist if it can’t show me Michelle Williams doing a cartwheel in a top hat. What a world. What a wig.

IN CONCLUSION: LOOK AGAIN AT THE TERRIBLE MAN WIG ON FAKE JERRY ORBACH.

EPISODE 8: PROVIDENCE

We begin (or should I say end?) with some grumpy old men talking about what they can and cannot eat (spoiler: they can’t eat anything good!) Both Fosse and BFF Paddy Chayefsky have heart conditions and creative conditions. And I have a condition with this wig on Norbert Leo Butz. NO THANK YOU PLEASE. Anyway, Paddy tells Fosse how to rewrite All That Jazz aka how to rewrite his life and Fosse DOESN’T WANNA HEAR IT. And then Paddy dies and Fosse quite literally dances on his grave but in a really sad and mournful way. Yes, really.

Meanwhile, Fosse interviews Gwenny in preparation for All That Jazz which honestly is just way to meta at this point, and she kinda tells it like it is. And I kinda know I’m not gonna miss this bent wig!

Meanwhile, Ann Reinking is forced to audition to play herself in All That Jazz while under the painfully awkward and terrible direction of Fosse in this circa 1996 Ed Harris wig and LORDT I WILL NOT MISS LOOKING AT THE BAD OF THIS THING!

Then over at All that Jazz rehearsals, Gwenny and Nicole are met with bizzarro visions of themselves much like these bizarro visions of themselves in this show and omg everything just got way too meta and NIcole’s wig gives me hives.

AND THEN. AND FRIGGIN THEN. LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA HAD THE AUDACITY TO PLAY ROY SHEIDER PLAYING BOB FOSSE IN ALL THAT JAZZ. JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THIS SHOW COULDN’T GET ANY MORE VAINGLORIOUS. MY HEAD AND MY TV JUST EXPLODED.

Honestly, this is the only way for this terrible show to end - in a blaze of glory and nonsense. Well actually, it ended with Gwenny and Fosse reteaming in old age makeup to direct the revival of Sweet Charity but the internet refused to give me any pictures of that and fine. And then Fosse died on a sidewalk in the arms of Gwenny. And then for some reason the whole show ended with a shot of Nicole Fosse’s Vermont house.

WHAT A LONG STRANGE TRIP IT’S BEEN YOU GUYS. But now we can finally be rid of these terrible terrible wigs and this terrible terrible show.

VERDICT: DOESN’T WURQ

#wigwurq #fosseverdon #fosseverdonfx #samrockwell #michellewilliams #bobfosse #gwenverdon #edharris90srealness #doesntwurq #jazzhands

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