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foldingfittedsheets · 5 months

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When I was young I was dating this absolute cocknob right as I graduated high school. More on that later.

As a present ostensibly to me (but mostly my folks) I was whisked away after graduation to spend two weeks in Europe with my parents. The plan was to see London, Paris, and Heidelberg.

I was moody and a teenager and was largely disgruntled by this fabulous adventure. I went along with sullen foot dragging and black looks. I commandeered my reprehensible boyfriends enormous black hoodie and wore it on the trip. At the start of our jaunt into London I mentioned offhandedly to my mom that it was burning when I peed.

“You’re just dehydrated, and your period is about to start.”

She was right on both counts. I upped my water content, and had my period (which may have contributed to my overall ill humors.)

So we found ourselves in a tiny hotel in Paris, a week into our jaunt, when I repeated, “Man, it just really burns when I pee.”

“What?!” my mom demanded.

“I told you like a week ago that it was burning.”

“Augh! Now we have to go to the hospital!” she proclaimed.

“What?! Why?”

“Because,” she snapped, “You have a bladder infection.”

More bickering ensued, and my temperament was not improved by knowing I’d told her I was having an issue a week ago and been ignored.

My dad heard about the itinerary shift with resignation and we trooped down the narrow stairs as a family to ask the concierge where the nearest hospital was.

The absolutely lovely man at the desk was immediately so concerned when we asked for directions. “Is everything okay?” he asked with very genuine sympathy and I muttered that everything was fine, we just needed a quick visit.

Lucky for us the hospital was only a few blocks away. We walked there and the building was massive, home to what appeared to be several separate wings but no obvious main entrance.

We wandered inside and it was like a weird dream. There was no one around. Huge echoing corridors met us as we peered in vain for a front desk or possibly signs. We searched with increasing frustration for anyone to talk to and somehow found ourselves in some tiny back offices.

A woman sat at her desk and looked bewildered to see three lost Americans approaching her. She greeted us and as a family we all simultaneously realized the massive flaw in our current course.

You see, dear reader, we did not speak French. My dad and I both spoke German. I inquired politely if she also spoke German and she shook her head looking increasingly cornered. We asked if she spoke English.

“Leetle…?” she replied.

“My daughter has a bladder infection! Blad-der?” My mother declared this at a high volume as if volume alone could bridge the communication gap, while simultaneously miming over my stomach, circling where she presumed my pelvis was under the gigantic black sweatshirt.

The woman’s expression turned extremely skeptical and she slowly repeated “Bladder…” She scrutinized me for a moment then said, “You go…. This?” And pointed to something purple on her desk.

“The purple signs?” my dad asked.

She nodded and we set off. I was stewing with resentment at my mom for having ignored my first complaint when we were in a country that spoke English. And also generalized hostility about being on the trip and the object of miming. Now here we were in a French hospital, lost and unable to communicate. I also was under no illusions that someone who didn’t know the word for purple would have any clue what bladder meant.

And slowly I realized what had actually happened as I peered at the purple signs. My mother circling my stomach with her hands, gesturing to my middle. The woman’s skeptical face.

“Hey mom,” I chirped, syrupy and smug. “I don’t speak French. But I do know that it’s a Latin based language. And wouldn’t you know, but that purple sign looks an awful lot like it says ‘maternity’ to me.”

“Shut up!” she snapped.

A few minutes later we stood surrounded by the moans of pregnant people and the cries of fresh new lungs wailing at their first taste of cold air.

I smiled sweetly at my disgruntled mother.

Luck was with us however. A nearby father noticed us and came over to ask if we needed help. With perfect English he gave us clear directions.

As we finally approached the right area for walk in services it was clear how we’d missed it the first time. A large swathe of the front of the building was covered in tarps. A huge wall sized window was broken, and construction was taking place, but at least it had a bustle of people and a clear line. We sat down in the queue of chairs.

While we sat some police officers came in. They walked up to a man ahead of us in line and with few words exchanged they handcuffed and led him politely away.

I was genuinely so out of reality. Every new thing that happened was like a bizarre dream from the empty hallways to the maternity ward and now this tarp strewn waiting room in which people could just be calmly arrested.

It was a shock to me then when we reached the front and the nurse spoke with perfectly unaccented English to assess me. Not only did she know bladder but a whole slew of other medical words I couldn’t guess at. I peed on a stick and we waited.

When we got the results she told me it was good because they could give me antibiotics today for my now confirmed infection, but bad because I’d need the doctor to sign off. I nodded and my mom and I were escorted to yet another small room to wait.

When the doctor arrived I felt suddenly gangly and awkward. I’m not tall but I towered over this tiny French woman who radiated calm composure. She seemed to be around my grandmothers age. She looked up at my blushing face and said, “Bladder infection?” Her English had a much stronger accent than the nurse but with the same medical competence.

I nodded.

She nodded too and we sat in a still contemplative moment on my UTI.

“Do you have… boyfriend?”

My face was on fire, every cell of me wanting to flee from this tiny perfect old woman. I nodded.

She nodded too. We sat still in the knowledge that I had a boyfriend and a UTI.

“Do you and your boyfriend do… it?” Her delicate accent stretched it into “eet.”

I don’t know if she didn’t know the word for sex or if she thought saying “it” was kinder but I wanted to melt into the floor and cease to exist to escape my increasing mortification and her meaningful pause. I nodded.

“Okay,” she said kindly. “When you and your boyfriend do… it… you must make pee pee.”

I writhed slightly under the psychic damage of this elegant medical professional saying “pee pee” and I nodded more emphatically hoping she’d desist this torture.

She continued. “If you and your boyfriend do… it… five times? You make five pee pees. If you do it ten times, you make ten pee pees.”

My face had never been hotter, all the blood in my body had volcanoed to my head, pounding in my ears and valiantly attempting to give me an aneurism to end my suffering. There is no mortification as acute to a teenager as an adult talking about sex and here was this medical professional telling me about… it.

Meanwhile, my mother. Who should have been regretting her poor parenting and reflecting on her neglect in failing impart this vital part piece of sex ed to her kid. Alas, she was laughing herself sick the corner. She added to my embarrassment by quietly repeating “pee pee” and “it” under her breath as she wheezed and chortled.

The doctor patted my hand kindly and handed me the antibiotics. I got to spend the rest of my trip in Europe avoiding direct sunlight and listening to my mother parrot “Do you do… eet?”

#ramblies #funny #story #writing #teenage angst #there’s a couple stories I tell that my betrothed has to hear on repeat cause they’re party pleasers #this is one such #ffs foibles

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deatmat · 7 months

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Ace therapy is something incredibly interesting. I just saw a post about how in therapy asexuality is still treated like an illness and how hard it is to find a therapist who won’t try to convert you. (I was going to put this in the reblogs but then my phone did a whacky thing and made it disappear)

I wanted to share that there’s another issue with therapy and asexuality: people trying to use therapy to ‘fix’ friends/family.

When I was 13 I started to see a therapist for anxiety and depression. I was so terrified that I forced my mother to attend the first session with me. We sat down with Dr. A and started discussing what I wanted to explore over my time with her. As I finished my bit about why I was here, my mom decided to tack on one last thing.

“We also struggle a lot with her sexuality.”

I looked at my mother in shock because while, yes my parents do struggle to accept it and that does play a role in my life that I’d like to talk about, it was not what I’d expected to hear. Dr. A asked her what she meant as I stiffened in the shoulders and started to dread what she’d say.

“Well just that she’s asexual, and a little confused, and maybe you can help her through that.”

This may seem like it could be harmless - maybe she meant it as in genuinely wanting someone to support me through a difficult transition. But, knowing my mother, she was waiting for a professional to validate her in her opinion that I was “confused” and “too young” and “just waiting for the right person/for my hormones to kick in.”

Thankfully, Dr. A seemed to sense I was uncomfortable and shuffled along the conversation. When we had our next session without my mom, she asked me if I wanted to talk about asexuality or if my mother just wanted to, and when I explained it wasn’t a huge issue in my life, she accepted that and moved on. Asexuality was only ever mentioned from there on when I was talking about the stress of other peoples reactions to it, in which it was immediately treated respectfully. Though my mother still asked after most sessions if asexuality had been brought up.

I was lucky to have a good therapist, someone who welcomed all variations of queer people without hesitation. If I had been without her, this would be a very different conversation about ace therapy.

The LGBTQIA community says asexuals don’t face discrimination but we’re still so unsafe in medical settings. Most of us know we can never mention being ace to our therapists or our treatments would begin to focusing on increasing our sex drives which don’t have anything wrong with them in the first place. It’s sick and wrong that people are using the system to their advantage and trying to snuff out our identities. Please stay safe out there my ace pals.

#acespec #asexual #asexuality #therapy #ace therapy #discrimination #conversion #ace awareness week #ace pride #aspec #story time #personal experience #queer #lgbtq community #lgbtqia #a is for ace/aro btw #we belong here too #we are still not accepted in this world

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weabooweedwitch · 7 months

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Most women your age are getting married and starting their families and you've never even had a bf 🤡 it's so over for you better get used to coping with ur crippling loneliness with maladaptive daydreaming, yandere asmr videos, drugs and self-insert fanfic because that's all you'll ever have now. Your youth is gone and you're still fat af even after you lost weight (probably gained it all back by now lmao). You could have made something of urself whem you were 20 by losing weight and going to college but instead you laid around and wasted all of your youth and now it's too late. No man will ever want to deal with your baggage of being poor, old, unwanted, uneducated (lmao how do I have more education than you and I'm 10 years younger? dumbass doesnt even have her GED), cringey age-inappropriate hobbies, mentally ill and not even having the decency to go to therapy and take meds, fat, ugly face, loser and loner with no irl friends, crazy family, looking old for your age, whored yourself out on a sugar daddy website, rotten teeth due to your own laziness, thinning frizzy hair and gross bulky glasses, drug addicted alcoholic who's probably going to be homeless for the majority of her life, mean person attacking minor aged rape victims like jesus christ you're so fucking worthless SO many red flags so much baggage no-one will ever want to deal with that. You don't even know how worthless you are

You know, every time you send me a message like this, I think of the person from your friend group who came forward a while back. You know, the one you don't like to acknowledge tried to apologize on your behalf. Anyways, every time you insult my appearance I just think of what your friend said

So i get it sweetie, youre mad at mommy and daddy and you're lashing out. That's why half the time you're repeating things i previously said back to me and parroting shallow insults with a very small vocabulary. The second i call you fatherless, you call me fatherless. I use thw word maladaptive and, suddenly you know that word too and juat HAVE to use it as well. I get it. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery

You're honestly just making yourself look so pitiable. You realize you've already painted yourself as such a dumb jackass that every single time you do this I basically just laugh and ignore you, and then people who know me and are friends or WANT TO be friends with me see how you treat me publicly and they all say "yeah wow who's this absolutely demonic little cunt acting like this without any reason". Like. What is the end goal here. Making yourself look as petty and stupid as possible. Meanwhile, what did someone else in your friend group say? The ones you lied to? Including Callie, the actual victim whose trauma you're basically trying to appropriate for yourself

Anyways yeah I just wanted to like show you the actual screenshots of the conversation I had with your friend back in June, which also to everyone else, yeah June, that's when she lied to her own friends and said she would stop doing this. She lied to her friends because all of them told her this was making them massively uncomfortable, so now she's. Being an internet troll in secret behind their backs 😂 they were going to tattle on you to your mom so you lied so they wouldn't check tumblr anymore because you're such a weird angry little freak that this has become a hobby for you

I'm sad? I'M sad? I don't even know your fucking name meanwhile you've scrolled through all of my blogs repeatedly for months cataloging details about me for the sheer purpose of trying to poorly insult me.

Like genuinely 90% of the reason I'm answering this is to basically wave a flag saying "hey everyone if you've ever seen or received weird asks of photoshopped porn of me or pictures of my actual family taken from their facebooks or saw the transphobic racist fake dating profile she made with one of my selfies or you ever received a bitch lasagna or Zalgo text, it was this cringey little lolcow right here"

But I also wanted to show you screenshot proof that you make your own friends super uncomfortable and that they started talking about your personal business to defend me over you. So. Yeah I guess that stings huh?

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inlocusmads · 3 months

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poster child ~ nora rose

For someone who has made it clear she wants to do everything for vengeance, Nora has second thoughts. Also, Buddha is a good listener. (crimes of passion)

wc: 1.2k / warnings: strong language, discussion of depression and self-destruction

a/n: I woke up and chose angst. enjoy <3

The empty room that hosted support group meetings for mental health illness survivors had this portrait of Buddha. It was one from a Buddhist monastery in Western Bali. Supposed to be all all-encompassing, all-nurturing with the smell of incense and talks about finding a balance and everything. Funnily enough, it was built exactly like a crossover between a church and a college classroom. The seats were cold. A podium straight ahead. An instructor to talk, between 9 and 10. One hour to fix all of her grievances in a proper ordered list, as if that were ever that easy.

She had enough battery in her phone to make one phone call. To tell them to pick her up because she’d fled the scene and now it was raining outside.

She didn’t.

“I’m not Buddhist, but -- I am assuming you’re -- someone--” Nora stared at the portrait, averting her eyes away as quickly as possible. “- who probably listens.”

When there aren’t people, your brain sort of configures this perfect audience scenario. To Nora, a perfect audience was no audience. One that didn’t talk over her for starters.

“Anyway, I had these parents, you know -- panicky people with no soul in them, because they just keep giving and giving-- and I want to be able to do that, you know? Give back. Because nobody is going to remember them. Nobody knows Jimmy. Who knows Alison? No, they’d be ‘who the fuck is Alison?’. Nobody.”

Nora took a staggered breath.

Breathe, said the posters around her. Breathe in and out.

“Look, I’m not trying to -- offend you, Buddha, but -- I can’t sit under a tree. My mom died of medical neglect. No. I genuinely thought I could become some sort of a -- medicine person-- a doctor, and just-- do something about it. But no, I was shit at that--”

Nora stopped herself. The blood across her knuckles sent a sharp jolt of pain as she dabbed her spit on the end of her jacket and pressed it against the wound. Her eyes were botchy and it was hard to see properly. The cheeks she saw in the mirror on her way in, were red and at the mere sense of touch, they felt like they could fall apart.

“Anyway, I -- my dad, back before he died, told me to be kind. He said ‘Hey Nora, I know you suck at everything, but do me a favour and be kind for a change’ and -- me with this-- was all a big ‘fuck you’ to him.” - she held up her blood-caked fists as if Buddha could see her. “Because that’s what people say. They say Jimmy was driven by vengeance, he got what he deserved and this was the universe coming back for a second shot at me..”

Nora inhaled a sharp breath of air. The walls seemed to be closing in. Take a brain break! It is okay to ask for help! Just ask! You are not alone! Self-love is the best kind of love there exists! Want someone to talk to? Just phone one of our partners! Love is love is love!

“And so yes, I wanted it to be a ‘fuck you’ to him, because I cannot stand idly by when I never had a childhood. It’s me doing this because there’s probably a kid at home, some thirteen-fourteen years ago, wondering what she did wrong. It’s --”

Mental health help is not a sign of weakness. You’re doing great! You have come this far! You can make it tomorrow!

“-- it’s all I have. The very reason I exist is because I want to get back at the people who wronged me. I have no plans, no ideas, no -- thoughts -- nothing. Just nothing. Mom’s dead. Dad’s dead. Where the fuck do I go? You tell me, Buddha -- don’t you want to destroy your life trying to make sure they get to rest?” - she pointed at the ground, before her arm hung limp.

“And I know that. I know. I have a friend -- Trystan and -- he had this epiphany where he sees the good in people. Even a brother who killed another. He feels for him and it’s this huge -- thing for him, you know, Buddha? Like he gets to show off his enlightenment because he picked a side that allowed him to grieve for the living and the dead. And he wants me to do the same. Stop going on a rampage. It’s funny how nothing changes. Dad’s talking about how you shouldn’t follow him and you do, and you find him dead. Trystan says it isn’t nice to beat the shit out of someone and you do anyway. This is all I have.”

Nora wasn’t good at anything. The one thing she was, and felt proud of herself for, was shutting off her tears entirely. She grieved. Her heart broke. She didn’t cry. She couldn’t afford to.

“I feel like if people get to know me, they are going to leave me. And I can’t have them leaving me, because I need their help to ensure my parents get a send-off. And I need them because they are my only hope of keeping myself --” Nora yanked her bangs, fistful of hair being pulled in, due to sheer agony -- “from-- me..”

She watched as the blood poured out of the crevices of her hands. “Dad would not want this. Mom wouldn’t want this either. And yet, I’m doing this for them, because deep down, I want to believe that if I die tomorrow, knowing they -- died knowing they did what they had to do, I would pull the life support off, myself. Do things on my own accord."

Her hands hovered over her phone. Uncle Tommy’s number came up first. Trystan, the second. Third, fourth, fifth, sixth -- all the way until the very end - Dad’s. Then Mom’s. She had no reason to save those numbers; they didn’t exist anymore. Their sims thrown into the ocean, their phones in a recycling factory somewhere, them erased out of existence and thrown into a birth certificate and then crushed as fine as salt. No heroes’ salute. No bereavement food, just silence.

“I just want them to -- anyone to-- clap my shoulder and say, ‘good job, Nora’ in the last moments of my life. This feels like it. So Buddha, if you can talk, I recommend you start doing that right now. Ha.” Nora swallowed hard. “This feels like the end, because -- I have run-- and talked to imagined audiences all my life that I can’t do this anymore. I can’t go on, hoping and hoping because -- this routine isn’t saving me. I am never going to be someone else. Just that one lonely kid in the class, no boyfriends to talk about, no girlfriends to get side-eyes for- on this fucking Roman crusade because I have nobody and that pisses me off so much, I start thinking if I punch someone really really hard and kill them, I can bring my Dad back and the -- Devil can keep the other poor guy. And I’m scared I’m never going to truly grieve the loss of my childhood, because everyday feels like I have always been that kid. That yearns for approval from dead people.”

The posters were laughing at her.

Nora scrolled through her contacts. She dialed Trystan’s. It switched to hold music.

“Will you recognize me?

Call my name or walk on by

Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling

Down, down, down, down.”

“Shit.”

“your defenses… Vanity and security, ah.”

She clicked her phone off, studying the poster straight above the Buddha.

Don’t forget to take care of yourself!

***

A/N: the song is 'don't you forget about me' by simple minds. I hope you enjoyed this!

The sheer audacity of Nora to discuss death with Buddha is just everything to me. I love her so much.

I'm so glad this is done, lmao. I have been working on this for a solid 3 days. It went from 4k words to 1.2k and I am the happiest I can possibly be.

perma: @quixoticdreamer16 @tessa-liam @stars-are-within-me

crimes: @trappedinfanfiction @ao719 @cassie-thorne @peonierose @moominofthevalley @jerzwriter @thosehallowedhalls

#crimes of passion fics #crimes of passion #trystan x nora #w:inlocusmads #trystan thorne x mc

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willowrites · 3 days

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Request for Steven Conklin.

Something sorta besties to lovers, but they keep friendzoning each other and getting confused until maybe she tells him she thinks she’ll invite someone else to the deb and he says no it’s fine he will and at the deb he confesses.

DEB ESCORT.

PAIRINGS. steven conklin x fem reader

SUMMARY. even though it was a struggle, you got steven to escort you to the deb ball. but he did more than just escort you...

WARNINGS. nothing really, just slight kissing!

AUTHORS NOTE. thank you for this request! i had a lot of fun doing it! <3 i'm so tired rn its been a long day so ill proofread later!!

y/n/n: your nickname

WORD COUNT. 1.5k

“y/n!” your mom susannah called out to you. “it’s time to go shopping for your deb dress!”

you shouted a quick ‘i’m going’ spraying some perfume.

your outfit consisted of a cute white tube top with flower detailing and some cute jean shorts along with doc marten sandals.

you grabbed your phone and speeded downstairs.

“okay, so what are we thinking?” your mom asked you as you both headed toward the front door.

that day you went looking for your dress and luckily enough you found the exact one you wanted.

it was everything you looked for in a dress.

you had no complaints.

overtime the week passed by and you were planning and planning. belly was helping you as well since she was also being a deb. you both shared your experience especially because you guys were practically sisters.

you guys talked about everything …but when it came down to dates. you didn’t have a clue.

“i’m thinking of asking cameron to be my escort.” she gushed.

“hmm you really like him don’t you?” you asked taking a sip of your milkshake.

“i do y/n. he’s so sweet and kind. he’s selfless like he genuinely is a good guy! ugh..tell me to shut up.” she covers her face in embarrassment.

“that’s so cute. aww belly welly is in looooove.” you tease her.

“oh please, so who’s going to be your escort? anyone in mind?” she asked licking the whipped cream off the cherry from her shake.

“no. i have no clue.” you huffed licking the whipped cream off your lips.

“why not steven? come on y/n. you should just tell him.” belly knew about your crush on steven. ever since you guys were smaller.

she could tell by the way you looked at him.

“i could never. im too scared i’ll get rejected and then everything will be so awkward.” you groaned. “maybe i’ll just…i don’t know”

“okay, you don’t have to tell him. just ask if he’d be your escort! he’s your best friend! it wouldn’t be weird.” she told you.

“i mean i guess that is a good idea.” you thought about if.

“of course it is. it’s my idea.” she giggled.

knock knock.

you were at steven’s door. fully prepared to ask him to be your escort.

“come in.” he grumbled.

he sounded like he was in a bad mood which almost made you chicken out.

“hey…watcha doin.” you asked first.

he made contact with you and a smile formed.

“hey y/n/n.” he said. “nah, nothing just tryna figure out some stuff for school. what’s up?” he patted his bed for you to sit.

“i just wanted to ask you something important.” you sat down crisscross.

“what about?” he leaned up off his headboard. he was concerned not knowing what to think. part of him wanted it to be about you two but he kept that thought himself.

“i was wondering since you’re my best friend and all…”

best friend? he thought. right.

“if you wanted to be my escort to the deb ball.” you were fiddling with your fingers as the question came out your mouth.

“uh…like that victorian shit?” he snorted.

“it’s not victorian.” you slap his arm. “it’s about a woman coming of age! and i need an escort.”

“are you sure it’s supposed to be a friend though?”

friend? you thought. right.

“i mean it could be anyone. there’s a girl bringing her girlfriend and my friend is bringing her friend from home.” you tried to explain.

“mmm, i’ll have to think about it. i told myself i wouldn’t get involved in that deb shit.” he shrugged off.

oh…

“okay well…um let me know then..?” you hesitated. you were kind of hurt by his answer. you thought you guys were at least close enough to do something important for each other.

you got up ready to walk out.

“where you going?” he asked.

stay; is what he wanted to say.

“oh- um i just don’t feel too well i’m going to lie down.” you said quickly before exiting the room.

as soon as you got inside your room you closed your door, locked it, and fell face-first on top of your bed sighing.

that went well.

a few days had passed, well more than enough time for steven to think about being your escort. at this point, he probably forgot all about it.

“steven.” you said his name as he was relaxing by the pool.

“hey y/n/n. are you gonna get in? let’s swim together.” he called u over starting to stand up.

“no thanks, i was just going to ask you if you thought about what i asked you the other day…you know. the deb ball?” you were standing there admiring his shirtless stomach as he spoke.

“oh yeah, i don’t think it would be cool for me you know. like being in a tux n shit.” he shrugged. “thanks for inviting me though.”

your blood boiled.

being in a tux…and shit.

“no yeah, no worries. i was thinking about taking another guy anyway.” you couldn’t help but blurt out.

you turned and started walking away until he grabbed your arm to stop you.

“who?” he looked confused.

“oh just this guy i met at one of the bonfires.” you smiled trying to walk away again but he still had his grip on you.

his face twitched. “well, actually now that i think about it. we’re best friends, it’s only right i escort you. i didn’t think about it like that.”

best friends?

“yeah, best friends …should have each other's backs. which is why i don’t know why you’d say no.” you crossed your arms defensively.

“well, to be honest. i thought it was lame.” he admitted.

“wow i didn’t notice!” you sarcastically shot back. “please get your tux on time. it’s the only thing you have to worry about.” you said and you walked away.

two weeks later.

it was the day of the deb ball.

you were nervous and freaking out. you knew exactly what to do and what you were going to do for your makeup and hair, you were just nervous about the night.

you wanted it to turn out okay. more than okay actually. you wanted it to be everything you’d dreamed of.

susannah had people coming to do your hair and makeup in the dressing room of the country club which took the pressure off a little bit. you had told them what you wanted and thank goodness they exceeded your expectations.

you looked at yourself in the mirror and thanked the beauty gods for this good outcome.

the other girls were also getting their hair and makeup done but it was time to change.

susannah helped you along with laurel. they were awed at how gorgeous you looked in the dress.

“oh honey, you look so beautiful.” susannah said hugging you.

“thank you mom.” you hugged back.

“she’s right, you look gorgeous..” laurel said smiling at you.

“thank you, laur.” you hugged her as well before she spoke again.

“if steven ruins your night you let me know.” she eyes you.

“i will.” you smile back.

“okay, well we gotta head out but we’ll see you honey.” susannah rubs your shoulders. “you’re gonna be fantastic.”

you smile once again watching them leave. you take a deep breath. it’ll be okay.

and it was.

you say steven for the first time. he looked so good.

steven thought the same about you.

she’s breathtaking. he said quietly to himself.

you got announced and as you guys walked down the applause was non-stop.

you saw laurel and susannah waving at you from the table as well as conrad and jere.

you smiled so big your face was hurting.

as the night went on you had the best time.

now it was afterward when you were getting dressed back into your clothes and getting ready to head home.

you were packing up your bag when you heard a knock on the dressing room door.

you turn to see who it is and steven walks in.

“hi.” he said shyly.

you smiled. “hi! thank you so much for escorting me.”

he nodded and looked around the room before making eye contact with you again. he was biting his lip nervously and fiddling with his fingers.

“you okay?” you asked walking closer to him.

he was about to speak but he paused.

“steven…what’s wrong?” you said worriedly. he was acting strange.

“im going to do something but feel free to stop me.” he said and before you could think of what to say his lips were on yours.

his hands grabbed your face pulling you for a kiss.

your stomach exploded so the fire works.

he was kissing you. you didn’t know what to do. all you knew was that you had to start kissing back, so you did.

you molded his lips with his moving them along with each other.

you felt him smile and pull him closer but you felt him pull away leaving you wanting more.

“i wanted to do that for so long y/n. i’m sorry i didn’t realize my feelings sooner.” he whispered.

“im sorry i kept friend-zoning you.” you admitted.

“i forgive you. you forgive me?” he cheekily grinds.

you roll your eyes and smile. “sure why not.” you giggle connecting your lips in a chaste kiss.

#✮⋆˙ 𝑾𝑰𝑳𝑳𝑶𝑾 #steven conklin imagine #steven conklin x reader #steven conklin #steven conklin smut #steven conklin x y/n #steven conklin x you #steven conklin fluff #steven conklin angst #steven conklin au #the summer i turned pretty #the summer i turned pretty imagine #steven conklin fanfic

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pumpkinrootbeer · 3 months

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I am DYING to talk about Alastor. He’s absolutely my favorite, I love sassy little shits, especially when they’re otherwise the picture of manners.

I do think he made a deal with Lilith. They were gone for the same amount of time, he clearly isn’t at full power (wings clipped! Mouth sewn!!) and he at first didn’t seem to like Charlie at all. Sure, she’s powerful, but nobody knew that, especially not her. She annoyed him, but grew on him for sure and how he wants to protect her but can’t since he’s not able to summon his full power yet. Charlie may be able to get him out of his deal, or maybe he thinks she can use her relationship with her mom to convince her to let him go. Hence the favor!

My theory is Lilith asked him to watch over the hotel and possibly to kill Lucifer. She had to get into heaven somehow, and what better way than to betray the man she left Adam for? She sewed his mouth shut so that he couldn’t tell anyone and sent him to help build her daughter’s dream. Possibly also to sabotage it? Although we don’t see him doing this beyond the first episode. Husk clearly knows something, because when he comes back Al specifically turns to Husk in warning before turning to Charlie’s hug.

ANYWAY would love to hear your thoughts!!

I LOVE ALASTOR genuinely its really fun to see an ace character who isn't a robot, or emotionless, or comically innocent. super fun time for me specifically. also quick sidebar, how they went about showing his depth by him literally loosing it was so satisfying and works so well for his character. hazbin baby im so sorry i doubted your writing so onto the theories! i do 100% think lilith and alastor are connected, and i dont think it would be stretch to say she's the one who owns his soul. the reinforced detail of 7 years obviously is a big piece of evidence, along with his hate of lucifer, but her being in heaven reinforces it more for me honestly because of Zestial's line in episode 3 "Some hath spun wild tales of you falling to... holy arms?". imo its either lilith or a character we havent meant yet. (ive seen people throw eve's name around 🤔) now weather or not she wants him to protect charlie and/or the hotel is another matter. its gonna be pretty hard to predict what exactly the terms are and what she wants from him (if anything!) until we get more content. i dont think its really much of a stretch to come to that conclusion and im not not saying i believe it, but im not really sold on it. if it turns out canon i woudnt be surprised tho lol

him hanging around charlie could be her mom wants him to protect her, hence the annoyance he holds towards her at first, or it could be she has status! sure they dont know how strong she is but shes the princess of hell, and everyone respects that to some degree. her side is the winning side! (another side bar alastor actually truly believing in her makes me so so emotionally ill 😭 like he didnt doubt shed be able to rally people. and he lowkey encouraged her with his little shit talk pep talk. mi amor... babito....)

the stitches across his mouth, the way he dances around his 7 year absence, the way he completely switches up with husk when his deal is mentioned could all be unrelated but hazbin doesn't exactly do coincidences. the details are all very purposeful, ever since the pilot, so i do think he cant talk about it.

i also am inclined to believe that he didnt make the deal for his power and the deal is actively restricting it. for one, its more interesting imo. two, the line "once i figure out how to unclip my wings, then i'll be pulling all the strings" he clearly thinks he'll be stronger out of the deal, which sure, could be his arrogance. or the reason why hes so arrogant is because he used to be able to back up his talk 100%. i mean the kind of sheer confidence he has is absurd, he wasnt scared of adam, he wasnt scared of lucifer. he acts like someone who is just not used to being weaker than anyone. part of the reason hed be so desperate for freedom is because the deal is literally a threat on his life. he almost died for them!

tbh not sure if husk knows the specifics of the deal or not, because that scene in the finale could just be alastor being alastor. "haha bitch u thought" type beat. either way!! im pretty pumped for s2 and seeing alastors inevitable downward spiral. beat him up again. also maybe he makes some more friends pretty please

#:v #ask #alastor #hazbin hotel spoilers #hazbin hotel

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juvia-is-beast · 4 months

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Hey y'all. I hate to make this kind of post while the world is in the condition its in but I'm trying to survive and not be homeless.

The Situation

I've taken care of my disables veteran mother since I was 14. I'm 27 now and I'm really chronically ill from PCOS. I have PTSD and Major Depression because of this I never learned to drive because I was continuously traumatized while trying to learn or when trying to ask to learn. I needed my family's help to get to medical appointments and instead I was treated like an inconvenience until I could no longer work from being in pain all the time. My family kicked me out of the house after I snapped when I told them I was in a lot of pain and to nauseous to eat and they replied with a scoff. My mom called the cops and lied to them telling them I hit her and had me arrested for domestic violence... I've been a pacifist since I was 5 I've never hit anyone except for when I was having severe psychosis because I was unmedicated and undiagnosed. I greatly regret those times even though I have no memory of them. My mom was also pocketing and lying about my SSI. She had me work 3 jobs when I started getting sicker and my body started giving out about a year ago. I had to pause my college classes because of my health and I smoke weed to manage the pain since I can't get to doctors. My pausing class led my mom to tell everyone that I quit school to stay home and smoke weed all day. I work at the college and my campus is my real home. I would rather spend all day in pain on campus at work then stay at home because my real home is my campus. I gave her everything I could. I took care of her half of my life and when I genuinely needed her she abandoned me. I got kicked out in November and I've been staying with a friend. I'm trying to find a place to rent when I can afford to reunite with my cats. I need help with a deposit and some groceries for now. I live in FL and you need a medical card and I couldn't renew mine in time so I can't get medical weed for a while. The semester hasn't started yet so I can't start work yet. I don't want to be short because of the deposit and I want to help my friend with groceries while I'm staying with her because she isn't charging me to stay here even though if someone finds out that I'm here they'll be in breach of their lease and can get kicked out. I also need help with basic hygiene because I done want to spend my SSI because I need to find a place to stay ASAP.

Please if you can spare anything at all cash app me.

$0/$750

$600 for rent

$100 for the background check

$50 for a Uhaul to move my mattress, dresser, shelf and desk to the new place once I have one.

TLDR: Help me put down a deposit for a room to rent and and moving fees. My mom pocketed all of my SSI for the last 10 years while lying about how much I was receiveing and also demanded most of my paycheck. I don't have savings because she would take them.

C@shapp: $ButtPirate27

V3nm0: Komal-Deo

#my post #mutual aid #financial aid #help #kicked out #aid #on ssi #housing #physically ill #rent #i just left my abusive indian household #financial abuse #mentally disabled #PTSD #PCOS

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house-of-slayterr · 2 years

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Being autistic is weird as fuck, because you’ve never experienced NOT being autistic. Like autism is unfortunately measured by how not allistic we are. Like it’s directly proportional. It’s not autistic people decided that were different and that difference is wrong. But HOW THE FUCK ARE WE SUPPOSED TO KNOW WERE DIFFERENT?

I’ve never been anyone but myself. How am I supposed to know that I don’t feel things the same way as everyone else? How am I supposed to know that I talk weird? Like how should I know that I can’t read social cues, if I’m unable to read social cues? Hello? My inability to understand the task, makes me unable to understand that I’m unable to understand the task!

Like to get an official diagnosis you have to rely on the fact that other people looked at you as a kid and went “that’s weird, it’s not supposed to do that!” And then their “cure” is to just tell you “well stop doing that.” Like gee thanks bud, never thought of that. If I could just turn off my autism you think I wouldn’t have tried by now? You’re the reason my autism is even stigmatised in the first place!

My autism specifically comes with the complete inability to introspect. Like so much of my problems as a kid would have been solved if I just realised “oh, this is an autism thing” instead of being like “oh, well I just must suck at everything, and this is how everyone feels, so why am I the only one having a mental breakdown?”

But also phrases like “everyone’s on the spectrum” are so harmful, cause they just aren’t true!!!! When I was having anxiety attacks as a kid, my mom would always say “well everyone has anxiety.” Which made me think I was just weak, when in reality I have a mental illness that had treatment options and I could have gotten help the whole time, if people stoped minimising disorders.

“We’ll everyone’s a little depressed.” No- no they are not. There are people out there that have never experienced having a brain with mental illness. But my brains always been sick, and when you can only view the world from a sick brain, how would you ever know there were healthy brains out there?

Especially since things like mental illness and learning disabilities or physical disabilities are all hush hush. We aren’t supped to talk about them because it’s “inappropriate” somehow. And then they make you feel crazy when you do talk about it. Like parents who beg their kids to “just be normal” THIS IS MY NORMAL!!! I can’t be like you because I’m not you, and I don’t know how to pretend to be. And I shouldn’t have to!

You don’t suddenly become autistic when someone slaps the label on you. Which is why I always respect self diagnosis, because you know you better than anyone else ever could.

Another story to prove my point. Let’s talk about being LGBT on top of that. My entire life I always thought everyone was Bi. Like I assumed everyone just happened to end up in straight relationships, because how could people not think boys and girls are both pretty? I had no reference to know otherwise.

And after that, I assumed everyone was asexual. I didn’t have a term for it at the time, but I genuinely though everyone was joking about enjoying sex or being horny. Because I’d never experienced those things before, I couldn’t fathom what they were meant to feel like. And if I didn’t feel it as a “normal” human, everyone must just be playing an inside joke I don’t understand right?

But if I just had labels when I was young, I would have understood these things. People who ask “why would you want to diagnose your kid, they’re so young?” Or parents who withhold a diagnosis cause you think if you ignore it, your kid will be “normal” somehow. That’s not how it works. A diagnosis or label can make the world less scary, and often times it can bring you to people who can help you navigate the world. Instead of trying to force you to see it through their eyes.

Autism isn’t dirty. Mental illness isn’t dirty. Disabilities aren’t dirty. And being LGBTQ isn’t dirty!

Children of all ages should have access to knowledge of these things. Because to the people who are part of these groups, labels and information are vital. They’re a huge part of who we are and they aren’t going to go away just because you don’t want to say the words.

Children should have access to knowledge about how their bodies and brains function. This would help kids feel less ostracised and alone, and prevent a lot of pain and trauma in the world.

#self diagnosed autism #autism #autism diagnosis #autism rant #fang rambles #neurodivergent #autistic #autistic women #queer #gay #gay rant #lgbt

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gon-and-killuas-mother · 1 year

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Yesterday I did something groundbreaking for the state of Arkansas and for queer and trans folks that live here!!!

I was hired for contract work at UAMS, our single medical university in the entire state, for patient simulation. At first I assumed it was gonna be the usual patient sims, like I'd act as someone with a specific injury or illness etc etc

But about a month after I was hired, a group zoom meeting was scheduled so the project manager could introduce everyone involved, including the others hired with me. And it was revealed that this patient simulation was different, actually it was completely new.

We were given the honor of being the first queer and/or trans people to participate in the first LGBTQIA+ focused patient simulation in Arkansan history

It's a known thing for queers to experience discrimination in hospitals; from being barred from visiting your partner, to being misgendered, and to receiving outright abuse from those who are supposed to help you. Lots of queers and trans folk have a chronic avoidance of doctors even today (especially today)

One of the project leaders, a gay recent med school graduate, had moved to New York, where he was helping build a queer-centered clinic. He'd talked about there were a few states taking these steps already, but UAMS had absolutely zero education regarding queer people.

So what part did I play?

My "role" was Taylor Nichols, a trans man looking for a primary care provider. I was to be seen by two students, who had to get my sexual history and learn how to approach a queer patient.

One student grasped it pretty easily and was charismatic enough to join me when I joked about whatever. She kinda led the charge in asking me questions about my sex life, despite any discomfort.

The other student looked so nervous/uncomfortable that she almost seemed ill. I'm giving her the benefit of doubt here mostly, but her expression gave me the sense that either she'd never encountered a trans person before (at least an OPENLY trans person) or she had something resembling a conservatives views of gender. I refuse to assume "bigot" but I tried making eye contact with her a couple times and she looked away each time with a frown.

After the simulation, we all adjourned to debrief with the other groups and the project leaders to discuss how it went and what to improve on. Here is where I felt something truly important happening. I sat up front with my coworkers (an older black gay man that I'll call Joe and a gender fluid high-schooler named Bee with their mom) and helped praise the students for their accomplishments

Joe also went on a longer speech to explain to the students about respecting your fellow humans and how even one disrespectful doctor can ruin someone's experience with medical care. I hadn't thought that we could talk about that kind of stuff, but these were all straight cisgender students and it was a teaching opportunity.

So I added on a few things. I told them to focus less on being inoffensive, though we appreciated that a lot, and focus more on the fact that queer/trans people are actually afraid of doctors. I told them there were no offensive questions they could ask me, unless they were intentionally being disrespectful.

I also said, "If you ask me questions about my gender/sexuality with the understanding that you do not understand and want to know more, it tells me two things.

"One: the moment you ask the question with a genuine interest in learning, you immediately become someone safe to talk to. Most queer people I know can tell the difference, just from tone and body language, between an asshole and someone who simply doesn't understand. And an asshole typically doesn't want to know what my pronouns are.

"Two: the questions you ask tell me how much you already know and how far I can meet you in the middle. It opens up a discussion that I am constantly afraid of starting with new people. You've likely already met many trans people in your life, but never knew because that discussion is considered taboo.

"So please, ask us questions. We come to clinics assuming the worst case scenario of a bigoted doctor, and I tend to pretend to be a girl just to get the visit over with. But every time a doctor asks my pronouns, I am so much more likely to come back."

It's still processing that I actually helped educate medical students, and I was the first nonbinary person to participate in a queer-centered patient simulation to get the ball rolling for further queer education in medical studies in our entire fucking state

Take that you fucking legislators! Queer people are LOVED in this state and you can't take that from us. And now, despite everything, even the medical students will have a much more diverse education and go on to be compassionate nurses and doctors to folks of any gender or sexuality.

#tink rambles #holy shit #like it didnt seem that big a deal until i was sitting in front of a bunch of nervous students desperate to appease us #i'm getting a better idea of why cis people might get nervous around trans people #they just dont want to be offensive #my dears my darlings that is not the point #we face offensive things every time we turn on the news or visit family #we've got thick skin

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russilton · 3 months

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Sometimes with the vaccine stuff you just can’t convince some people to get vaccinated, my moms best friend is anti-vax (corrupted by facebook) and my mom has tried to convince her to get vaccinated so many times and she just refuses. I don’t blame jenson for his wife being unvaccinated(as long as he is) sometimes the people you love are idiots and there’s nothing you can do.

I’m aware how easily fear mongering and internal bigotry can twist even the most well meaning people into ones we don’t recognise, my own mother has made more than a few genuinely shitty comments about vaccines and chemicals being a possible cause for my autism since I got diagnosed, because it absolves her internal guilt about it. But it’s also been on me to shut that shit down each time. Not every situation will be that simple, I know.

It’s not always a yes or no solution, sometimes you can work on and convince someone over a period of time. Sometimes you may be in a housing situation where arguing puts you at risk and it’s completely understandable to avoid it then. But vaccines aren’t a simple thing to muse over like the right age to talk to kids about death or how much screen time they should get. Not getting vaccinated kills people.

It could kill you, because vaccines aren’t developed for just any illnesses, they’re developed for the ones that have the potential to kill. But you also risk hundreds of thousands of disabled people around you who need herd immunity to be able to integrate into regular society. You owe it to them to not flex on these issues.

Disabled people tend to befriend other disabled people, and while not as severely as others, I was immunocompromised enough to receive vaccines at the same time as most 70-60 year olds during COVID. I have friends who would be at severe risk if they got covid, of death or further debilitating illness. We had to spend the height of covid shut away inside worried that a trip to the store could kill us, I still worry about potential catching it again while many people got their last shot over a year ago and moved on.

But there are thousands of adults and even more pressingly, children who deserve to be able to go out in public and enjoy the world with a general hope they will be safe with herd immunity. Kids with cancer or auto immune diseases that have to miss out on social development because some adults take a look at the incredibly low risk of vaccines, and decide that it’s simply too much for them to bother, when they take bigger risks with cars, or in the case of Jensons wife, cosmetic procedures, because they view the benefits as more valuable. “But I can’t get around without my car it’s worth the risk” disabled children can’t get around without you being vaccinated

Jensons wife isn’t just his friend he hangs with, he’s raising children with her. He’s the one that has to have these hard discussions. And maybe he has, maybe he’s convinced her to get all their kids vaccinated and she’s the only hold out. I did my due fact checking diligence before I posted the other ask and he did seem to be quite vocally supportive of vaccines in 2021 because “he wanted to go back to normal” and that is commendable of him. I do not know the nuances of their homelife situation, and that’s why I still cautiously support him distantly while scrutinising his opinions fairly heavily. He is a person of influence, there are people who look to him for how they form their own opinions and standards. I don’t know you but it’s likely your mom’s opinion on her friend isn’t being seen by thousands.

These kinds of disagreements show who a person is. I would be horrified if my partner thought this way (she doesnt) and i certainly wouldnt want to have kids with someone willing to put other children at risk like that. my partner and I disagree on things like if the five second rule is true (it is) and if big bird is a puppet (this argument genuinely ended in tears), but we agree firmly on bigger issues and I wouldn’t change that. Some people get very comfortable with having friends who do shitty things because “not my monkeys not my circus” but if those monkeys are climbing into the stands and punching kids, you should probably step in and talk to your friends or at least make it clear you don’t support them. This is how we can affect change on a small scale.

This is a lot of mixed metaphors for 8 am I’ve had a very long week, but you get my point. It might not always be something you completely divorce a friend (or wife) over, but it’s also not something to throw your hands up and be apathetic about, that’s an energy I hold the people I support to because I want us to live in a world where we care about these kinds of things.

#asks #anonymous #tw: vaccine debate

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mr-up-on-a-downer · 1 year

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I got blocked by like 8 of my leftist friends when they were once again talking about "we need to ban guns now we need to repeal the 2nd amendment" literally just by asking "ok we can do that legislatively, but how do you propose we implement that in society? what if people dont want to? SCOTUS ruled 3d gun schematics were under 1st amendment, there are more guns than people in the US, please I sincerely want to hear how you would implement a nationwide total confiscation of semiautomatic rifles."

I'm not even opposed to stuff like mental illness checks being more strict and other stuff but like...logistically, it is literally impossible to ban guns. Muh "other countries dont have mass shootings" and stuff, yeah no shit we literally have more guns then they will ever have. Like it or not, this is the reality of the situation and just screaming the same center left talking points again and again without any idea how they'd actually be implemented just shows they dont actually want a solution that works within the current US Society.

I basically said the same thing to my mom. With the amount of registered firearms in the country plus the many that aren’t, a nationwide gun ban is practically impossible. Like yeah go ahead and ban assault weapons whatever that means but good luck enforcing it. It’s not even people would resist it cause majority of them saying they would also happen to vote Republican who have demonstrated time n time again they don’t actually care about gun control, it’s just logistically impractical.

Plus getting access to guns gets harder and harder by the year. I genuinely don’t know Tennessee’s laws but I doubt the shooter just walked into a store and bought one. That’s just not a thing that happens unless it’s off the books.

Moving on, it’s obvious why schools are targeted. None of this mass shooters are looking for a gunfight otherwise they’d attack precinct headquarters and the last few shootings showed how cowardly cops are, in spite of “muh protect n serve.” If we actually bothered to protect our schools maybe these people would think twice. What that could look like is really anything, but again, armed deterrence is better than no deterrence.

Also cops were notified a head of time that the shooter was suicidal and didn’t do a welfare check until after the shooting happened because they didn’t even know the shooter was the one they were called about. Remember this the next time someone says how defunding the police is unrealistic and only would lead to more crime because cops can’t even prevent a crime when they’re told in advance. This happens a lot more than you think (parkland shooter was investigated by law enforcement before the shooting occurred and concluded he wasn’t a threat).

and I’ll say this too, if banning guns could actually stop all this than it would be the reasonable thing to advocate for and I know a lot of constitutionalists are gonna be upset over me saying this, but again, it’s not really a viable solution at this stage.

#anon

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lehhoh7822 · 1 year

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karlnapity wedding fic reblog this please i was sick

i did not edit this have no beta

this is 100% for my bestie soap (not sure if they are also my bestie... lehho might genuinely be getting parasocial out here tonight) @las-nevadas-corporate

please give my friend all the love and support they rock and they like. idk inspiration. dealing with too many los camp asks. love the fiances what else can i say

i knwo this cannot compare to the true wedding and whatever you will write but!! also this is like. not good i am sick!! but alsdo like. thank you for being a friend and also getting me into the roleplay threads which broke my writers block.

if tumblr eats my italics ill eat their mom- oh fuck you tumblr. augh

ill add this to ao3. soon.

ship: karlnapity tags: little bit of angst, fluff, domestic stuff, marriage, songfic kinda

cw: mentions and references to dream. it is c!dream but dream nonetheless.

Here is Karl Jacobs’ secret; he never looked good in red.

Now, he isn’t going to object to the wedding, Bad did enough of that before Sapnap had to pull him to the side and talk to him about the Egg. Tell him that he respected the trauma and the healing his father needed to do. But the wedding had taken too long to plan and get everything together, and he wasn’t going to change anything. Sapnap looked brave, even as he sweated and almost melted the rings after the ring box caught on fire in his anxious hands. Sapnap is brave, standing with his tie that had to be retied multiple times before Quackity told him that this was the last time, Sapnap Halo, I tie this and you don’t touch it, got it? Sapnap had nodded and Quackity had kissed him and Sapnap always blushed when kissing or being kissed, Karl had watched from the stairs and tried to memorise the moment. The smell of their house, the cool wood of the stair railing pressed against his neck, the muffled sound of surprise from Sapnap.

He never looked good in red, but he thinks he looks pretty damn good now as he tries to adjust his hair, hands brushing over freckles. Shaky breaths, but there isn’t any need for reassurance (he can hear both Quackity and Sapnap talking out their fears in the rooms between, and he is glad they are not alone for this), just focusing on the moment. There is a tint of silver in his eyes, a slight hint of petrichor in the air and as soon as it gets any stronger he will be going over to one of his lovely fiance’s rooms, thank you very much. Magic was not going to ruin his wedding night. He tried to run through the details, but they slipped from his brain like a train going off the tracks and he bit the inside of his mouth, trying to breathe. It was okay. Things were going to work out. Breathe. Memory is generally fallible. You’re only 3 seconds away from someone willing to tell you it's okay. But you know that already. Breathe.

Here is the more open secret of Karl Jacobs, through some contrived magic, he could both time travel and dimension travel, and it had taken 9 months to learn how to do it, an additional three to keep track of his memory. Somewhere along the way, Sapnap loses another life, shows up at Quackity’s base. Somewhere along the way, they find him asleep in a pile of rubble. Somewhere along the way, he got better and closer to people, more grounded. Things got better.

He has seen both Sapnap and Quackity cry, under various awful circumstances. They’ve seen him do the same. There are these constant confessions and pangs of guilt, but every time the voice in his head asks whether it is worth it; when the petrichor smell makes him sick and he doesn’t remember his own name, let alone where he is, when Quackity’s wings start to bleed from disrepair and neglect, when Sapnap’s body is cauterising his own wounds, getting into fights and coming home upset, when the voice asks whether it is worth it, Karl Jacobs can always, always respond with yes.

Karl Jacobs is a man in love, and the disabling nature of his magic will not steal that from him. The struggles of the cruel and ridiculous world around him will not. The itchy texture of the original dress pants he had for today would not. Karl Jacobs was a man in love.

For every, forgive me, forgive me, forgive me that Karl had in his chest, there was a I forgive you, I forgive you, I love you from his finances. For every moment that he needed a pause there was patience, for every time he asked for someone’s name it was given. It wasn’t that it was easy- (but this love came to him like breathing, affection blooming in his chest despite it all like a particularly resistant weed. Tommy told him something about weeds being important to the ecosystem, and the classification only really applied to outside disruption like farming or invasive species), but it wasn’t that it was hard either. It had taken time, and talking about feelings and having to relearn that Quackity was in fact allergic to lemons 3 times before it stuck… then having to apologise because Karl giving Quackity things with lemons so often had made him genuinely start to believe that Karl was trying to kill him, or at the very least didn’t want him around-

They had toughed out those conversations and been vulnerable. Karl Jacobs would do it all again for these men. Sapnap would burn the eggs and Quackity would walk into a wall while talking to someone over his communicator and he would go over to help and just think, god, I love you. Every time the voice in his head would start, he was starting to build this rich trove of memories to look back on, a litany of, god, I love you. I’m glad we made it.

Sapnap, lying next to him in the grass, telling him that he never wants to miss him again. Quackity accidentally dying his white socks pink from putting them in the wash and wearing them to work with pride. Baking with George and Tina. They made it work. They could make it work. He loved them so much. Sapnap’s inability to cook without burning something accidentally. Slime making up with Quackity, something about being human never trumping being real and being alive. The photo of their faces covered in flour that Quackity printed and put in a frame, kept it in his desk. Nightmares and thunderstorms and sheets on fire, crying and laughing and fighting and it was all worth it.

Karl liked peppermint tea and cranberries. Quackity liked a specific type of coffee liquor and hated most brands of milk. Sapnap would eat almost anything but really only drank water and occasionally apple juice, he had ditched caffeine at some point last year in favour of sleeping more and tried to avoid getting wasted. Quackity kept his clothes in the cupboard on the other side of the room. (Partially because he felt more comfortable with somethings being in his own space and partially because he had hesitated and procrastinated enough with unpacking his clothes that when Sapnap finally coaxed him into moving his clothes from 4 cardboard boxes to cupboards, both of the other ones had been filled already.) Sapnap wears socks to bed, (Karl would personally prefer to die), and finally got a new bandanna, a gift from Quackity and Karl at the end of last year at their anniversary. (The last one had been threadbare enough that one of the three had accidentally put it in the wash after a particularly drunken night, and Sapnap had run around the house before Quackity finally found it, fallen into pieces in the wash. At first, Sapnap had been quiet and seemingly okay before coming back home with ash on his hands and no bandanna. Karl and Quackity held him as he cried, mourning things lost and things stolen, people and places and love now lost.)

It’s things like that, that he is remembering as he breathes, the petrichor fading into the evening. Time is firm in his fingers, his magic is calm and the only thought running through his mind is, I love you, I love you, I love you, thinking of Quackity’s laugh and Sapnap’s smile, the smell of smoke and expensive ink. His tie is red and there is a rose in his pocket and a pendant around his neck from Utah. He is Karl Jacobs, a man in love, who has never looked good in red but does today because he’s getting married to the best men in the world.

I love you, I love you, I love you and I am so glad that we are getting married.

***

George is on his communicator and Sapnap is almost 100% sure he’s- oh, he’s totally chewing gum. Meanwhile, Sapnap is having a crisis. He almost untied his tie (he does not trust George to be able to do it back up and the feeling of Quackity, hands pulling the tie together is comforting in some phantom sense), but he didn’t, instead pacing and spilling water on the ankle of his dress pants and someone will make a dumb joke about him pissing himself in a few years when they go through these photos and everyone is going to be looking at him and he’s going to fuck this up, how do you fuck up getting married? Sapnap doesn’t know but it feels like he’s about to find out, how about going into cardiac arrest during the-

“Dude, chill.” George says, and his gum smells like peppermint and Karl likes peppermint tea and when he screws this up, he’ll be making everyone disappointed and he almost already did that when he was holding the ring box on thursday and-

“I mean it, chill. Drink some water. Sit down. Think happy thoughts or whatever.” George leveled him a stare that could be read as frustrated, but Sapnap knew- hoped, really- it was more concern, and begrudgingly, sat back down, taking a sip of his water, hoping that there would be no more spills from his dumb, shaky hands. He puts the bottle down, trying to breathe, trying to be rational about this all. George put down his communicator, put the gum in the bin and eyed Sapnap up and down. The atmosphere felt tense. Sapnap swore he could smell that stupid post-rain smell that used to tell him that Karl was around but now just felt like Karl getting further away and resisted the urge to bust into the room next door and see whether his fiance- soon to be husband, was alright. Instead he stares into the distance, wondering whether Foolish and Tina have made the kitchen in Kinoko Town Hall explode yet.

“You look great, I have not lost the rings, apparently Quackity also looks great, and Tina said that the reception was pretty much ready after all this is done.” George goes through the list, almost like he’s uninterested, but Sapnap is glad his friend figured out what he’s anxious about particularly. George patted him on the back, shrugging. “Things will work themselves out, besides, both you and Quackity organised this event. If someone goes astray, heads will roll, therefore, things are going to be fine.”

Sapnap smiles, and it’s fragile and tender and full of fear and love, he hums and fidgets at his tie before pulling his hand away, “Yeah… yeah, you’re right, thanks George.” The clock is too loud on the wall. “I just… it’s been a hard year… for everyone, not- not just me so-” Sapnap cut himself off with a sigh. “Yeah. I just… I don’t want to fuck it up.”

There’s a muffled language! as Sapnap remembers that his father is standing outside of this room. He laughs a little bit, drinking a bit more water. “Save your fears of screwing up for the reception. Your alcohol tolerance is nothing, you’ll be wasted and embarrass yourself more than whatever you think’ll happen here.” George says, pulling another piece of gum out of the pack and putting it in his mouth. “Remember the last time you got drunk?” George asked, grinning as Sapnap cringed at the memory.

“Besides,” George said, “These dumbasses love you so much, you couldn’t do anything at this altar that would change that. Somehow you guys revived your relationship, which, don’t tell the other two I said this, but I really did think that you were like everyone else on this godforsaken server who couldn’t make a good thing last. But you did it.” George picked back up his comm, “This wedding won’t change shit.” He said bluntly, leaving Sapnap to sit with his thoughts. He peeked through the crack in the door, seeing most of the seats filled out, even Wilbur had made it there… somehow… he was pretty sure Karl had something to do with that but really he just wanted to let it be.

The week leading up to the wedding had felt like a disaster, from Sapnap literally lighting the sheets on fire from a nightmare, something had hadn’t done since he was just a kid, to Karl having a panic attack in the bathroom about not being able to put a name to Fundy and Tubbo, (the next day, people inexplicably had little name tags made of masking tape and permanent marker), to Quackity passing out in his office after filing paperwork which meant really, nothing. It had felt like a disaster, but every time someone would be there to go through the rubble and they made it out, jokes about sheets and Quackity taking Sapnap out to the store where they bought all the masking tape and a day where they mainly just stayed inside and rested. They had made it, they would continue to make it.

Sapnap drank a bit more water, the bottle practically empty, someone testing the microphones outside and making them absolutely screech, but people seemed to take it ood naturedly. George left the room with the new ring box Tommy had made, while complaining about the finicky stitches every second of the way, going to stand up in front of the crowd. People were whispering, but the space filled up with the

Marry You, by Bruno Mars started blasting out of the speakers before a rushed squeak of sorry as it was turned down to a slightly more reasonable volume. They had set it up, Karl would come from the left, Sapnap would come from the right and Quackity was coming right through the middle. Pushing through the back, fingers grasping at the curtains, palms sweaty, he got a glimpse of Karl, positioned across the room, who smiles at him, giving a little wave like Sapnap is still a spectator at the duel between Dream and Techno, and Karl is standing there with his camera, smiling shyly from across the room, nothing but acquaintances. There is a flash of red as Quackity is still bustling around in the back.

Hey baby, Sapnap mouths along to the song, Karl is looking at him like he hung the moon, and every second is worth it, I think I wanna marry you.

He is Sapnap Halo and he is a man in love.

***

Quackity was wearing a dress and he hoped it looked good.

Wings preened by Wilbur, who had made it back here via the in-between, Karl had looked a little tired but neither of them said a word, and despite the worrying implications of Karl and in the in between, Quackity was glad that he had made it back for the wedding. Micheal had thrown glitter on them accidentally and instead of trying to clean it, Quackity had made sure that there was enough glitter that if anyone in that goddamn crowd had sensitive eyes, they would go fucking blind. He knew it was going to be an absolute bitch to clean later, but judging by the awed little gasp from Slime, it looked pretty good.

The anxiety in his chest about all this was nothing compared to the feeling of love in his chest, soft and filling and gentle. It was a little bit scary, to have such a vulnerability to his heart, but Quackity wouldn’t give up the little sparks of joy for when Karl came home with carrot cake and it was slightly less dry than last time and he was so proud of himself and Tina, or the affection in Sapnap’s yawn when he woke up, mumbling a “good morning” and sleepily trying to kiss his forehead, sometimes missing and hitting other parts of his face. It was a little bit scary, but Quackity wouldn’t give it up for anything. There was static coming from the microphone. He had his anxious conversation with Slime before, and now it was the final details, taking off his left shoe and trying to make it sit right on his foot, he swore it fit properly just a few minutes ago, looking at the slightly pink lanterns that had an orangey light in them after Skeppy told him about Bad’s… less than positive reaction to them. Vows in his little bag, bottle of water long empty.

Marry Me, the song added to the playlist a few days ago, Sapnap sitting on the balcony after the sheets incident and crying, anxious and happy and hopeful, humming the tune and looking out in the crisp morning air. The paint had been flaking off the railing and there were spiderwebs Karl had forgotten to clean clinging to the edges of the walls, and they sat there together on the dusty couch, letting the song play through. They had said their apologies and forgiveness, their love and grievances. Sapnap once explained that he needed his time and sometimes space, but often that time was better spent with another. So they let the song play on repeat as the sun really started to rise, going from lingering midsky to truly risen, declaring a new day. Quackity had added it to the playlist. Sapnap had embraced him for a few, vulnerable seconds before going back inside, leaving Quackity to bask with the phantom arms of his fiance still holding him. Just say “I do”, the song told him, just say “I do”.

Thinking Out Loud. Sapnap made a joke about Canadians and Karl had walked them both through a slow dance to the tempo of the song in the living room, pushing the coffee table against the wall, Quackity holding Sapnap as Karl adjusted where their hands were, and walked them through it, step by step. He said it was from work, and the smell of petrichor was still thick in the kitchen from an incident previously that week, but in that moment they were willing to let the detail slide, a gentle arrangement of steps and patience. Allowing himself to get swept up in the moment, doing the routine shakily and almost with his eyes closed the entire time, entranced by the feeling of closeness and the vulnerability like a crack in his chest, kissing Sapnap at the end hands grasping at his cheeks, positioning be damned. Forgetting the context and being only awoken from his fragile little lovedrunk trance by Karl cooing at them, commenting on just how cute they were. Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars, the song instructed, still playing as Karl made them hot chocolates and Sapnap, place your head on my beating heart.

The next song starts playing, and for some reason, everyone seems to take it as the cue to quiet down. He can’t make it out before realising it’s A Thousand Years and, oh, people are quiet because Sapnap and Karl have pulled back the curtains. Someone pulled back the curtains in front of him as well. Everything is hitting him all at once, the soft lighting, the piano coming out of the speakers that Fundy made, (Fundy had shrugged, looking up from the wool he was buying at the markets, telling Quackity that he did enough for Dream that anything was possible), the lyrics, something about bravery (Karl had added the song to the playlist and Quackity recognised it immediately, going to mention the… origins of the song before he noticed Karl, with teary eyes, rocking back and forward on his heels, humming along to it), the faces staring out, excited, expecting, bored, people he knew and people he didn’t. The third chair in the front row had been reserved by Sapnap and no one was going to fill it. Wilbur was stretched out in a strange position over two chairs. The music played on, time ticked forward. Quackity was going to get married. (It is the exact same as Schlatt, something in his head remarks bitterly before something else shushes it and motions at the lights, the spark in Sapnap’s eye, Karl’s slightly shocked stare at the sight of his dress, blushing slightly at the sight, the song playing away in the background. He is loved.)

Karl, surprisingly takes the first steps forward, stunning in his blazer and stunning in his confidence, taking deliberate breaths and Sapnap joins him, slightly damp ankle and tie that Quackity had done up eleven times this morning, walking from his side to the middle. It’s just Quackity now. Karl extends a hand and he is flung back into the past, Karl inviting him to join the relationship after a little while of dating. The walk to the front happens too fast and too slow, Wilbur is taking photos with a weird kind of communicator, there are flashes going off and George is counting the rings over in the corner. They’re getting married.

One step closer, the song coaxes, and Quackity is in a trance, Quackity is in love, he feels like he could be floating. One step closer.

The music gets turned off and he is standing next to his fiances. This feels like a dream. Things are being said, I do, I do, and there is a pause and he echoes the same, I do, feeling like the dam of emotion in his head was about to burst. Petrichor and ash hang faintly in the air and he is a man in love, finally getting to kiss his husbands, messy and full of passion and apprehension. George gets the rings over there and they are put onto fingers and his is slightly too big but that’s okay, that’s okay and…

The music comes back on and they have to do photos, but he’s crying, body shaking with the pure feeling flooding his brain, someone asks if he’s okay and he nods wildly, smiling and holding onto Sapnap and Karl as he cries, as Sapnap, a man in love, sings along to the song, holding him tight, “I have died everyday waiting for you.” It’s shaky and unpolished and he’s probably holding a few tears of his own back, voice cracking at the end, they are finally married. “Darling, don’t be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years.” Karl, a man in love, catches on at the end as Sapnap buries his face in Quackity’s shoulder, slightly more smooth and there is a sense that he’s sung this before, god, they’re finally married. “I will love you for a thousand more.” Quackity, a man in love finishes, still crying, happy and whole. They finally got married. He wouldn’t take a second of it back.

And all along I believed, I would find you/

Time has brought your heart to me, I have loved you for a thousand years/

I'll love you for a thousand more…

#karlnapity #quackblr #fic #dsmp fic #writing #quackity #karl jacobs #sapnap #c!quackity #c!karl jacobs #c!sapnap #lehhohgoeszoom

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