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gardenerian · 2 years

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hi mel! i’m not sure if anyone has came to your inbox yet and updated you on the don’t worry darling drama, but i’ll try to cover everything for you! (i also apologize in advance for this being super long, i wasn’t sure how much knowledge you had coming in and i’ve gotten way to invested in following this.)

okay, the general background: the film was originally set to star shia labeouf (who has been accused of being abusive by many women, including his ex-girlfriend fka twigs) and florence pugh as the lead characters jack and alice. shia left the film because he didn’t feel there was enough rehearsal time, which upset olivia wilde, the film’s director, who begged him to stay on. nevertheless, he left, and they had to recast jack. olivia really wanted harry styles to play him. somewhere in this time, olivia broke up with her long term boyfriend jason sudeikis and started dating harry, and some people believe there may have been overlap. florence pugh also happens to be a good friend to jason sudeikis. there were some (unconfirmed) rumors during filming that olivia was behaving unprofessionally on set (specifically in regards to harry) and that florence essentially was doing a lot of the directorial work, so there were definitely rumors tension on set. later, olivia was onstage at cinemacon when she was served custody papers for hers and jason’s daughters. florence pugh is also known for enthusiastically promoting the films she’s in, but has basically done very little for this film, even going so far as to promote other projects on days when trailers for dwd drop, which is around the time people started to wonder if there was tension between olivia and florence. florence said in an interview that she was disappointed by the marketing of the film, which focused heavily on the sexual aspects of the film, and had olivia made a huge point of emphasizing that the film was about female sexuality and whatnot, at the very least they didn’t seem to be seeing eye-to-eye when it came to this. meanwhile olivia has been heaping praise onto florence in interviews and told variety in an interview that she fired shia because of the abuse allegations and because she was trying to protect florence… to which shia responded by sending an email to her which denied that he was fired and reiterated that he quit and then a video was leaked of olivia begging him to stay on with the film and at one point she says that if he could make it work, it might be a “wake up call for miss flo” and she rolled her eyes, further suggesting there was tension. i’ve also heard that around this time harry and olivia’s relationship started to get a bit rocky? it’s unclear. shortly after the video came out, florence announced she wouldn’t be taking part in the press tour for the film and would only be participating in the press stuff at venice, citing that she was filming for dune during that time— later, she amended it to only showing up for the red carpet and the screening of the film. however, a lot of people questioned if this was the real reason because timothée chalamet, who’s the lead in dune, was there pretty much the whole time.

okay, finally to the film festival itself! so first of all, while olivia and most of the cast were busy doing press for the film (with olivia at one point talking about how florence was busy filming and avoiding any questions about the rumors/drama), florence shows up in venice with aperol spritz, seeming to indicate that she wasn’t really needed for filming and just didn’t want to be there to promote dwd. there was also some fun moments where chris pine seems to be disassociating throughout at the press interviews (especially one funny moment where harry styles is saying that “[his] favorite thing about the movie is that it feels like a movie.”) the next day is the red carpet, where there seems to be a concentrated effort to keep florence, harry, and olivia away from each other, which was achieved with gemma chan, chris pine, and nick kroll standing/sitting between them at all times. i’m not sure why harry and florence were kept apart, but as for harry and olivia i’ve seen speculation that either a) olivia and harry don’t want attention put on themselves/their relationship (especially with all the other stuff going on), so they were purposefully keeping a distance to avoid fueling gossip or b) they have broken up. there’s video before the showing of the film starts where it appears that harry styles spits on chris pine when going to sit by him (i’m pretty sure chris pine’s rep confirmed he didn’t but it’s been a huge thing and honestly kind of funny). the film recieves four minutes of applause at the end, with florence pugh desperately trying to leave (presumably to make her flight back to the set of dune), and at some point during the applause harry kissed nick kroll.

and i think that’s it! obviously a lot of this is speculation and can/should be taken with a grain of salt, but this is most of what i’ve seen so far! love you and hope you’re doing well!!! 💙💙

oh my god darling anon, this is the greatest day of my life asdjkfh THANK YOU! i'd done some sleuthing but this is truly above and beyond! i had no idea about the custody papers thing that is ICE COLD. also the aperol spritz moment, may we all live to have one - this is an absolutely wild ride and i am completely in your debt for this comprehensive overview! also sudeikis >>>>>

#i met nick kroll in the lobby of a hotel once #what i would give to bump into him again and be like TELL ME EVERYTHING #i am a messy bench that lives for drama #other people's drama of course #anon i bless you and love you #mel answers

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tojiphile · 8 months

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ONE PIECE LIVE ACTION MEN + DICK HEADCANONS & SIZES

a/n. i wrote this last night at 5am while sleep deprived so the further it gets the more wack it gets LOL

cw/tw. f!reader, rough sex, blowjobs, dirty talk, slight exhibitionism, body hair, skinny penis, unprotected sex, for 18+ readers

MONKEY D. LUFFY

— 6.5” but thinks he’s average, so he doesn’t stretch it out with his abilities. not too girthy, but he makes up for it with his unrelenting stamina. it curves up against his stomach and leans left slightly. a little bit messy because he tried to shave it once and nicked himself, so he just settled with the hair. honey-toned towards the base and a deep red at the tip, especially when he’s raring to go.

— he wants to do it in every position, on every surface. he has you bent over the dinner table, one leg up and slamming into you mercilessly. he has you spread eagle in the bathtub, legs locked behind his back as he stuffs you full. it’s almost as if his dick is made for you, the curve perfectly abuses your g-spot as every orgasm overwhelms you, and you’re left a sobbing, babbling mess. he wants to know if he’s doing well, and he gets his answer when you chant “s— so, ah! good, fuck, d— don’t stop!” like a prayer.

RORONOA ZORO

— long, fat and heavy. he’s blessed with a stunning 7.3” length, though if anyone asks, he rounds down to make them feel more at ease. veiny. the mushroom tip is flushed purple, and it’s rests nicely on your tongue!! probably messy down there, he doesn’t see the point in shaving or trimming, but if you ask nicely, he’ll grunt, roll his eyes, and do it for you.

— you insisted that you didn’t need any prep, but as you straddled him, lining up your cunt with his cock, you soon realised your mistake. you have to spread yourself open, face scrunching up, and slowly sink down. he loves the feeling of your pussy walls fluttering as you start riding him. when your eyes flutter shut and your hips stutter, he takes control—holding you tight by the waist and fucking into you until you’re screaming.

SANJI VINSMOKE

— 6.4” and so so pretty. slender, with a pale shaft that leads into a rosy pink at the tip. it curves up and to the right. the carpet matches the drapes. he keeps it neat, though he probably doesn’t grow much hair anyway. he trims it once every few days, but he’ll never admit to it. smells the best AKA smells really clean, like soap.

— he goes crazy when you maintain eye contact and drop to your knees. you take his cock in hand, lifting it to run your tongue on the underside, tracing a prominent vein. you swirl your tongue around his sensitive head and his whole body is shaking, knees buckling as he chases that familiar high.

USUPP

— coming in at 5.8”, he makes up for it in his thick girth. when he jerks himself off, he can barely wrap his hand around it. he’s soooo sensitive that the wind can blow and he’s be hard. fat fat fat mushroom head that’s olive, golden-hued, and always oozing precum. heavy heavy balls. he might be clumsy and inexperienced, but his size alone is enough to make you drool. trims sometimes but only when he thinks he might get lucky.

— his hand grips your hair as you worship his cock, working magic with your mouth. as you jerk him off, you give small kitten licks to his leaking tip, tasting his salty precum. you whisper, “i want you” and before you know it, he has you pinned under him, rutting his thick cock into you desperately. his eyes are fixated on the way your cunt swallows him, and only strangled groans escape his lips.

BUGGY

— sorry buggy simps but he’s definitely a shower not a grower, though he still does comes in at a nice 6”! also, it’s ya boy, skinny penis. built like a tree branch but at least it’s really veiny, AND he knows how to talk you through it. so really, it might not be the most impressive but with his confidence when he’s fucking you? he’ll fuck you out and make you believe he’s 8” and 5”.

— he loves admiring your sopping cunt as it swallow him whole, your princess parts stretching to to accommodate his cock. he likes to fucks you. he presses you up against a window and fucks you from the back, choking you with his forearm and practically purrs, “taking me so well, ya dirty slut, fuckin’ cunt was made for my cock.”

SHANKS

— he doesn’t act like it buuuuuuut monster cock. it’s 7.8”, thick, and curved so much it slaps against his happy trail. let me tell you that when he sun tans, he does it naked. he lathers that horse cock up with sunblock and spreads eagle on the sand, hands behind his head, so he’s bronzed and beautiful. trims when he feels like it or if you ask, he doesn’t really think much about it.

— he doesn’t look like he’s putting in much effort when he fucks, barely breaking a sweat, but he has you writhing, hands gripping the sheets, eyes hazy and choking on your own spit. he knows what he’s doing to you. his thumb finds your clit, rubbing in delicate circles making you cum over and over again until you’re absolutely wrecked. when he’s close, he picks up the pace, grunting heavily, hips stuttering as he spills his seed inside of you. when he pulls out, he takes the time to finger fuck his cum back into you, your body shaking as you work through the aftershock.

#tojiphile #one piece #one piece smut #luffy x reader #zoro x reader #sanji x reader #usupp x reader #buggy x reader #shanks x reader #luffy x you #zoro x you #sanji x you #usupp x you #buggy x you #shanks x you #one piece live action #one piece x reader #smut blog

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silkscream · 5 months

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blessing

ੈ✩ yuuta okkotsu x reader

ੈ✩ cw: smut (minors dni, ageless + blank blogs will be blocked), unprotected sex, soft dom!yuuta, dacryphilia, oral sex, overstimulation, delayed orgasms, he's a little mean, slight yandere vibes because. it's yuuta.

ੈ✩ wc: 1.1k

ੈ✩ a/n: i'm on my soft dom!yuuta agenda. i also can't write him without feeling fucking insane

yuuta okkotsu is a gentleman. he holds the door open for you, gives you his jacket when you’re cold, has your ramen order memorized. everything about him is gossamer-soft, too. the cadence of his speech, the lithe way he moves, even though his lankiness has been replaced with lean muscle since you first met him.

yuuta okkotsu is gentle. just not when he fucks you.

it’s ironic, though, because his tone is still gentle. the rasp of his voice is low, quietly masculine, haunting, but still full of adoration. it’s alluring more than anything. he reminds you of the vampires you used to lust over from your childhood fantasy books. dark hair, dark eyes.

the essence of him is unfathomable to you — you can’t find the word for it, but it’s something akin to eve’s apple. how tempting he is, how much you’d let him ruin you, bruise the fruit of your flesh with his teeth.

he tells you to open your mouth. at the moment, he’s in between your legs, mouth slick with your cum, and he reaches to set his fingers onto your tongue. a small push and you choke on the taste of yourself.

it’s dirty. but when it’s yuuta, it purifies you. makes you his angel. you believe him like a god when he tells you as such.

“so sweet, don’t you think?” he murmurs. “my sweet girl. the best girl, yeah?”

“yes,” you cry.

he’s coaxed at least three orgasms from you in the past hour with his mouth and fingers alone. with bliss also comes pain, and the way he coos your name and calls you his good fucking girl feels like a divine reward in itself. he licks your tears, pride swelling in his chest.

“how about another for me, huh, baby?” he bites into the meat of your thigh as he circles your clit with his fingertip again, chuckling at the way you shake.

“i—i can’t."

“can’t?” yuuta raises a brow. he looks beautiful in between your legs. there’s something oddly terrifying about it despite how beautiful. “i know you can. i know you will.”

“yuuta, please—”

“you’ve done it before, haven’t you? usually take whatever i give you, every fucking time, right?”

“s’too much,” you sob.

he tuts. rounds his full lips into a taunting pout.

“want my cock, then, don’t you? poor girl, you should’ve just asked.”

(you couldn’t have. you know better.)

“please, please—”

you don’t even get to finish begging before he’s buried inside you. pushed to the hilt, his tip kissing your cervix with bruising force. he wipes away your tears as if he isn’t the cause of them.

“too rough?”

“n-no.”

but it hurts. it hurts in the way it feels too good, too sensitive after the amount he’s made you cum. he hasn’t even been inside you for a full minute and you already feel the ache in your abdomen ready to burst into flames.

the sweet nothings he whispers into your temple are loving and affectionate, but the way he rolls his hips into you is mean. he has his hand snake up to squeeze your breast, nicking your nipple with the grit of his teeth just so he can hear you mewl like a wounded kitten. it’s one of his favorite sounds.

his palm settles on your neck after, gentle still despite his other hand nearly bruising the fat above your hip.

he knows you’re close from the way your eyes blank out, glazed over in bliss as he tightens his hand around your throat.

“close, baby, i’m—”

and then the bastard stops. chuckles against your jaw at the way you cry as he thrusts into you so agonizingly slow. unsteady. taunting.

“yuuta!”

“’m sorry baby, did you wanna cum? i just thought you wanted me to hold out for longer. it’s nice like this, see?”

“fuck, yuu—”

“that’s not very nice,” he grins. he ruts into you extra hard, just once.

“that’s not what i meant,” you whine.

“wanna cum? just ask.”

you know you can’t just ask. you know he means he wants you to beg.

“pleasemakemecum, please, please!”

“yeah, why should i?”

“’cause ‘m your girl,” you slur. he loves you like this. wet mouth all slack, cheeks flushed like a nymph in a baroque painting.

he pulls out, then, drawing out another moan from you, just to flip you over onto your stomach. your hair is bunched up into his fist while his teeth are on your shoulder. when you feel him again, your walls full of him, you feel even dizzier than before.

“yeah, my good fucking girl,” he groans against your skin. “so good. so sweet to me.”

yuuta has never been an apostle of hedonism. he’s always reserved himself, the parts of him that wanted, thinking that his love and devotion would only curse other people.

when you came along and loved him so irrevocably, he felt reborn. drunk on pleasure. being with you makes him realize that it’s okay to take. he deserves it, doesn’t he, after everything?

you have him on a leash and you don’t even know. it’s why he likes to play with you so cruelly like this — to have his cake and eat it, too. because the way he controls you in the oasis of your bedroom, the way he marks you up and swallows you down like honey — it’s what you want as much as him. and he’d rather die than not give you everything you want. even if he’s a little mean.

if he was a curse of a boy, you were his blessing.

“yuuta, i’m gonna cum,” you gasp. as you clutch the bedsheets, he covers your hand with his, engulfing it, entangling your fingers together. “cum with me, please—”

he wants to open his mouth to speak, anything to push you over the edge, but he’s as breathless as you are. consumed in your skin, in your cunt. he pulls your face toward his, instead, swallowing down your moans as he spills inside of you. you convulse, your orgasm like a lightning strike.

yuuta laughs softly against your mouth and soothes the bruised parts of you with his palms gently.

“you were so mean today,” you sigh.

“i’m sorry, baby,” he says, nuzzling your neck. “had a bad day, but i feel much better now. let me run you a bath, okay?”

you hum dreamily as your lover leaves you. the fuzz in your head satiates you. empty-minded except for him. and when he has you in warm water, hands washing your wet hair, yuuta feels blessed. baptized in tenderness.

#jjk smut #jjk x you #yuuta smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #okkotsu yuuta smut #okkotsu yuuta x you #okkotsu yuuta x reader #yuuta x reader #yuuta x you #okkotsu yuta x you

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teapartyprincess4two · 2 months

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Parenthood- C. Sturniolo

pairing: Mom!reader x Dad!Chris

classification: SFW & NSFW head cannons

inspiration: request

warnings: some 18+ content, use of y/n, established relationship, I didn’t name the children but Chris has 2 sons in this 👍🏻

summary: head cannons of Dad!Chris.

Parenthood- M. Sturniolo (Matt’s Version)

—

☆SFW

Fatherhood is something that scared Chris beyond belief, but when you broke the news to him he couldn’t contain his excitement. When your son was born, he fell in love immediately, and you both learned to navigate being parents. Then, when you were blessed with a second son, he was even happier.

☆ Chris cherishes every single memory, he’s really sappy about it all. He has a box full of pictures, baby socks, the wristbands from the hospital, everything.

☆ “Chris, some of this is trash,” you chuckle, filtering through the endless trinkets that all seemed to hold significance to him.

☆ “Our son’s first pair of socks isn’t trash, Y/n!” he snatches the box away from you, carefully placing everything back in.

☆ “Okay, but this dirty napkin?”

☆ “I wiped my tears with that. THANK YOU,” he snatches it from you, his sassy demeanor making you laugh.

☆ Chris loves spoiling his son, whether it be with toys and games, or with summer trips.

☆ He goes all out too, splurging on trips to Disney or to elaborate water parks, making sure to book the hotel and everything.

☆ “Babe, he’s 3. He won’t even remember this,” you chuckle, dragging luggage’s behind you.

☆ “Yes you will. Right, son?” Chris coos, bouncing the baby in his arms and blowing a raspberry into his neck. The baby giggles, the sound being music to Chris’s ears.

☆ The whole week it’s just you and Chris going on all the kiddy rides, snapping pictures of your son, and passing out back at the hotel.

☆ When you find out you’re pregnant with your second son, Chris does everything in his power to make your firstborn’s last months as an only child special.

☆ He takes him to the park, cuddles him to sleep every night, and showers that boy in so much love.

☆ Even though Chris is extremely high energy, being a working dad of two is very tiring.

☆ So, when the kids get older, he starts feeling comfortable taking ‘dad naps’ in random spots around the house.

☆ “Chris, babe, can you help me in here really quick?” you’re balancing a fussy baby on your hip, the other hand stirring whatever’s on the stove.

☆ You peer your head outside to see Chris knocked out on the hanging lounge chair. His chin rests on his chest, mouth open and arms crossed as small snores fall past his lips.

☆ Your oldest son holds a long piece of grass, tickling Chris’s nose with it. Your son whispers eerily,“Wake up daaaad. Wake uppppp.” You can’t help but giggle at the sight.

☆ Chris has successfully managed to cement his legacy as the ‘cool dad,’ or at least he thinks he has.

☆ He loves wearing funky graphic t-shirts when he’s chaperoning the kids, “I was young once too. I was the shit back then, kid.”

☆ Your oldest son just rolls his eyes playfully, but in reality he really looks up to Chris.

☆ Your youngest son loves dressing up like his dad, wearing his oversized t-shirts and beanies so big they fall past his eyes.

☆ “Look mom, I look like daddy!” he exclaims, accidentally tripping on the shirt as he runs towards you.

☆ Other times, Chris will throw on some sunglasses and try acting mysterious.

☆ The mysterious act doesn’t last long though, especially not when your youngest son cuddles up next to him for his afternoon nap or when your oldest starts asking for snack money.

☆ At family parties, Chris goes all out. He’s buying a bouncy house, cooking the burgers, renting an ice cream truck, and inviting all of his family.

☆ He loves playing games with his kids, usually forming teams and challenging them, “Alright me and Matt verses you two. Losers have to jump into the pool with their clothes on.”

☆ “Okay, but uncle Nick has to be on our team,” your oldest replies, fully confident in his ability to win his dad.

☆ Nick is then recruited, and surprisingly isn’t needed because your sons are completely obliterating Chris’s team.

☆ Chris isn’t a sore loser, it’s a trait he never wants to subconsciously pass down to his kids, so he’s jumping into the pool fully clothed as his kids watch in a fit of giggles.

☆ Laundry day is easily Chris’s most hated day, especially with two messy children.

☆ He’ll ‘help’ you fold clothes, which really means that he’s toying with the same shirt and flicking through Netflix.

☆ When the kids are asleep, you and Chris will treat yourself to some takeout because that’s the only time you can order food that the kids don’t usually like.

☆ You two are like little rats, hiding in the pantry munching before the kids hear you and wake up.

☆ One small creak and you’re both frantically hiding the food. “THEY’RE COMING!” he whisper shouts, but when no one opens the door you both fall into a fit of laughter at the dramatics.

☆ As your firstborn son gets older, he starts becoming snappy and somewhat rude, as teenagers often do.

☆ And although Chris doesn’t like reprimanding his kids for the smallest things, he can be stern when it’s necessary.

☆ “Watch your fucking mouth, kid. I don’t want to hear shit like that from you again. Go to bed.” Your son is hanging his head down and trudging to his room.

☆ “Don’t you think you were a little harsh on him?” you whisper, holding onto Chris’s arm gently.

☆ “My kids aren’t gonna be disrespectful, especially not to their momma,” he replies, but when he hears your son sniffling in his room the guilt begins chipping away at him.

☆ It doesn’t take Chris long after that to enter your sons room and engulf him in a hug, scolding him in a much softer manner that informs your son that what he did was still wrong, but also that Chris still loves him.

☆ Baseball, basketball, soccer, lacrosse, hockey, football; your sons are doing it all.

☆ Chris is in the stands, cheering so loud that his voice is hoarse by the end of the game. Even when his kid’s team doesn’t win, he’s still so incredibly proud of their performance.

☆ Chris reps the jerseys, attends the practices, and coaches his sons even when they’re at home, “Widen up your stance then throw!”

☆ Whenever there’s an opportunity to make his boys laugh, Chris is taking it.

☆ He picks them up from school wearing big, fake teeth while playing silly songs on the stereo.

☆ Your sons are never embarrassed, they just hold their sides and laugh uncontrollably, “Dad I’m gonna pee, stop!”

☆ He doesn’t spoil his kids, but he definitely buys them an unnecessary amount of things. It’s mostly harmless stuff like toys, games, and sugary snacks.

☆ “They don’t need any more toys, Chris,” you scold, struggling to make space for all of it.

☆ “We don’t need anything, Y/n,” he replies, his inner child going crazy.

☆NSFW

As parents, it can be hard for you and Chris to make time for each other. Your schedules are packed with school, practices, work, and the few free moments in between are used for household chores. But Chris always makes time for you no matter what.

☆ For the most part, you have to be sneaky. During birthday parties or family events, you take advantage of how distracted your kids are and sneak away into an empty room like teenagers.

☆ Your adrenaline is pumping, clumsy fingers undoing his belt as he kisses you feverishly.

☆ “We have to be quick,” you whisper, watching hungrily as he lines himself up with your entrance.

☆ He doesn’t respond, knees wobbling and his animalistic grunts filling the room as he pumps into you quickly.

☆ Chris doesn’t last long, which is slightly embarrassing, but the times you guys have sex are so few and far between that you can’t blame him.

☆ “Sorry,” he whimpers, pulling out and collapsing next to you. “Don’t be sorry,” you smirk, straddling his hips and getting yourself off as he becomes an overstimulated mess.

☆ On date night Chris books a night at a nearby hotel, dropping the kids off with his parents and telling you to get all dolled up.

☆ He dresses up too, meeting you at the hotel bar and flirting with you like it’s his first time meeting you.

☆ “Hey beautiful, come around here often?”

☆ You play along, the butterflies swarming in your stomach despite sharing an entire life with this man, “I do. Never seen a man as handsome as you here before, though.”

☆ A few champagne glasses later, you’re both giddily walking back to the hotel room and making love under the soft lamp light.

☆ Some random mornings, he wakes up fully bricked and no matter how hard he tries to will the erection away it just won’t subside.

☆ “Y/n, baby, are you awake?” he murmurs, pressing soft, sloppy kisses on your exposed shoulders.

☆ You stir awake, a soft yawn escaping your lips as you reply, “I’m awake.”

☆ He pulls you in closer, his erection pressing against the back of your thigh.

☆ “Need some help there?” you chuckle, immediately understanding his intentions. He hums in response, letting you take over as he watches in a lazy haze.

☆ “So beautiful,” he moans, hands caressing and massaging every inch of your body. You can’t help but blush, hiding yourself in the crook of his neck.

☆ “Look at me,” he instructs, he doesn’t want to miss out on a single thing.

☆ “I’m the luckiest guy in the world,” his lips are latched to yours, an overwhelming feeling of love overtaking him as he blows his load inside of you.

—

MASTERLIST

A/n: meow 😋 dad Chris anyone? 🎤

- L.A.M.B👼🏻💗

—

taglist: @nicksmainbitch @sturniololovers @mayhem-72 @worldlxvlys @gnxosblog @meg-sturniolo @creamoncreamoncream2 @mattnchrisworld @sanyi5 @lustfulslxt @whicked-hazlatwhore @tworosesblackthorn @mxqdii @fawned01 @junnniiieee07 @sturniolololover @missriddle03

note: if you want to be tagged in my fanfic related posts, you can access my TAGLIST and comment 💐

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sturnioloho · 6 days

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chris’s pirate girl shirt being from a local smoke shop made for women is everything to me

#he said women’s rights #this makes the shirt mean so much more to me #it’s so cute on its own this just makes it SO much better #n now i finally know where it’s from!!! bless #he LOVES women and is so loud about it i fucking love it #supporting local and women owned businesses 🥰🥰🥰#i love him so much #fashion king 4ever #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo triplets

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reese-tasteslikepepsicola · 5 months

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Peter Parker x Fem!Reader

Naked

Summary: In which Reader walks in on a naked Peter, Reader laughs, Peter becomes insecure. Reader decides to show herself naked back in the worst moment possible. Based on the episode of New Girl with Jess and Nick lol <3

Warnings: Nudity, slight smut? Like it’s not crazy smutty, Peter fantasizes about reader while with someone else for a hot minute lol

…

“You are not gonna believe this!” Peter’s voice can be heard from the front door of your shared New York Loft.

You, Mj, Peter and Ned were all living together and sharing rent while you all attended College. It was chaotic at times, but it worked out.

At the end of the day, it was nice to be snuggled up on the couch watching a cheesy horror movie with your friends,

“You finally grew a few inches?” Mj asked, biting into her bagel that you made for her. Peter glared at her before throwing his jacket on the couch,

“No. This girl in my Econ class wants me to come over tonight to hang out” You turned around so quick that the whisk that had egg on it flew off and splashed onto Ned,

“Really?” He groaned and wiped it off,

“A date?” Your eyebrow raised, a smirk plastered on your face, attempting to cover up your jealousy.

You and Peter weren’t dating, or even flirting with each other at that. You guys were just simply friends and roommates.

Peter couldn’t deny that you were cute and blessed in all the right places, and you couldn’t deny that he was hot and awkward in a charming way.

All of the glances at each other and occasional long lasting hugs between the both of you were always cut off with the bug boy poking fun at you and you firing back ten times worse.

So, why were you so jealous that he was gonna get some ass tonight?

“Oh! Peter is getting the hanky panky?” You exclaimed, a grin on your face. He scrunched up his nose and snatched one of Ned’s pieces of bacon,

“Y/n, don’t call it that. But, yes, I will most likely be having sex tonight with a hot, sarcastic blond who’s totally into my muscles” He flexed his arm in your face obnoxiously,

“Gross” Mj snorted. You slapped his bicep with the spatula,

“You know what, good for you, man. What’s her name?” Ned asked, patting Peter on the back,

“Her name is Lauren. She’s into politics and nature, and enjoys taking pictures of big, historical buildings” He stated, nonchalantly shrugging his shoulders and smirking,

“Too bad your building is small” Ned joked. Peter tilted his head to the side in confusion,

“What’s that mean?” Mj cackled and looked over at you as you let out a snort,

“Oh! I was just—um—joking that your uh—penis? Yeah, penis, is small. But, it’s not! It was a joke! You’ve got a great penis, man! I’m not saying it’s small—they laughed, okay?!” Ned began stuttering, scratching the back of his neck and pointing at the two girls who were laughing.

Peter just nodded and squinted his eyes,

“Right, whatever” While his three roommates continued conversation, he remained silent and began overthinking about what Ned said.

Yeah, it was a joke! But, was it, though? Was there truth behind it?

“Your dick is huge, Peter. Lauren will love it” Peter said as he stared at himself in the mirror in his room.

‘Blue (Da Ba Dee)’ by Eiffel 65 began playing from Peter’s speaker. He turned the volume up to the max and stepped back to get a better view of himself.

He took off his shirt and began flexing his biceps, then awkwardly dancing, attempting to boost his self-esteem. Aunt May always told him to dance if he was feeling upset as a kid,

“Yo, listen up here’s a story about a little guy that lives in a blue world!” Peter started singing along to the lyrics, unbuckling his belt and pulling his jeans down,

“And a blue corvette and everything is blue for him and himself and everybody around cause he ain’t got nobody to listen!” He ran his hand down abs, continuing to stare at himself in the mirror and singing along to the song.

Meanwhile, you were on your stomach in your bed, studying for your upcoming exam. You were slowly growing frustrated with Peter’s loud music powering over your’s that was playing from your phone,

“Peter! Turn your shit down! I can barely hear Lana Del Rey, right now!”

He slowly pulled down his boxers and sighed, scratching his forehead,

“Well, here’s my dick, Lauren. Hope you like it” He mumbled. The mirror isn’t flattering,

“Yep, it’s definitely the mirror, Peter. I’m beautiful the way I am” He shook his head and cringed at his words, and began dancing again.

“For fuck sake” You slammed your textbook shut and got up, ready to cuss him out. You walked across the hall and swung his bedroom door open,

“Seriously, dude! Some of us are trying to study!” When you looked up, you gasped as you were face to face with a dancing and very naked Peter Parker.

You both froze and stared at each other for a few seconds before you broke it by pointing at his dick and letting out a screech-like laugh, then running out of the room.

The whole situation hit Peter like a wave, and he flopped down on his bed and caged his head in between his arms,

“Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god—no, no, no, no” He kept repeating, the incident replaying in his head.

A notification went off on his phone. He grabbed it and saw it was a message from Lauren.

Laurenfromecon: Hey big boy. My roommate finally left for the night. I hope your on your way ;)

Peter took a deep breath and sent a thumbs up back, too traumatized and distraught to send anything flirty back.

If you laughed at his dick, wouldn’t that mean Lauren would, too?

“Hey guys—to make my story short, I walked in on Peter dancing naked to that blue song” Ned spat out his water and Mj’s eyes practically bulged out of her her head,

“Oh! That’s not…” She laughed, setting her mug down on the coffee table,

“Yeah! Like he was dancing naked and like—staring at himself in the mirror while doing it, too! It was so—weird? I don’t know what to say to him now!” You began ranting, playing with your hair nervously.

Ned stood up and placed his hands on your shoulders,

“What did you say to him? Or did you say anything at all?” You looked down at your hands and began fiddling with them,

“Well, I kinda might’ve pointed at his…friend and laughed at it” Ned threw his head back and placed his hands on his face,

“Y/n! You never laugh at a man’s penis! That’s like the worse thing a woman could do!” Mj shook her head and leaned back into the couch,

“And right before his hook up, too? Dude, he’s probably in his room right now crying and throwing up” You grabbed a pillow and screamed into it before flopping down,

“Speak of the devil” She mumbled, flicking your head and then pointing to Peter who was fast walking past you guys with his hoodie covering his face,

“Oh my god! Hey, buddy!” You cringed at your words as you jogged after him to the front door,

“Please, leave me alone, y/n” He mumbled, trying to find where his keys were hanging frantically,

“Peter, we should really talk about this! It was just an accident that won’t happen again, right?” You tried to say nonchalantly, giving an awkward shrug as you guarded the front door,

“We knock on doors in this house. It shouldn’t of happened in the first place” He said through gritted teeth, finally getting ahold of his keys,

“I know! Just, your music was so loud and you wouldn’t of heard my kno—

“Y/n, please move” You sighed and slapped his shoulder,

“Listen, Petey, dancing naked is so normal! I dance naked sometimes, too!” You exclaimed. Your two friends both shook their heads as they watched what was currently going on in front of them,

“Just—move” He gently pushed you out of the way and opened the door, making his way out into the halls,

“I dance naked while listening to Sza and Ethel Cain all the time! Nothing to be ashamed of” You yelled out, your voice and words echoing throughout the halls. Peter shook his head and ran to the elevator. Your neighbour stepped out and gave you a disgusted look,

“Oh, shut the fuck up” You glared at him.

“Your so hot, Peter” Lauren moaned out, straddling him on her bed,

“Uh—thanks. Your pretty hot, too” He mumbled in between kisses. He shut his eyes, desperately trying to get himself hard and get you out of his thoughts,

“Fuck, take off your pants” The girl said, her hands going to the zipper of his jeans. Peter felt his heart jump out of his chest in fear,

“Wait! Can you take off yours first?” He pulled her hands away from crotch. She smirked and hopped off the bed and began stripping till she was completely naked.

Peter let out a huff of air and palmed himself,

“Wow, your um- nice” He cringed at his compliment and at how he still wasn’t becoming hard looking at a naked, blond chick who wanted him.

Did y/n break my dick’s ability to function for good? He thought to himself,

“Peter? You alright?” Lauren asked, snapping her fingers in front of his face,

“Huh? Yeah! Oh, yeah! I just need to…” He trailed off, gesturing to his dick. The blond grinned and nodded, going back to straddling him, grinding on him,

“Oh, shit” Peter cursed as her hand reached into his pants, slipping past his boxers, beginning to stroke his length.

As Peter laid his head back against the pillow, he found himself beginning to relax, trying to ease his mind,

If Lauren didn’t like my dick, why is she trying so hard to get it up? Y/n is immature, of course she’d laugh at your penis! Y/n…y/n…y/n…I wonder what y/n is doing right now. She’s probably dressed in her cute pyjama set after having her nightly shower. She’s probably laid on her bed thinking about you, thinking about you naked. Yeah, she for sure is. I wonder what she does in her room when she’s alone. Y/n, y/n, y/n, y/n…

Y/N?!

“Peter?” Lauren cleared her throat and took her hand out of his pants,

“Are you okay?” Peter eyes snapped opened,

“Is there anything I can like—do differently?” She asked awkwardly, chewing on her nail.

The spider boy let out a groan and flopped back down on the pillow, his flushed with embarrassment,

“Sorry. It’s not you, it’s me. It’s just—

“It’s fine, whatever. It’s okay to not be in the mood” She said, rolling off of him and slipping her clothes back on,

“Maybe we can…cuddle?” Peter asked, immediately regretting his words. The blond nodded, hesitantly laying underneath his arm,

“Uh, okay”

What the fuck is wrong with you, Peter? Why were you thinking about Y/n?

Peter stayed the night and left first thing in the morning,

“So…how was it?” Ned asked as Peter sat down on the leather couch.

He shook his head,

“Terrible” His friend frowned and paused the football game that was currently playing,

“What happened?”

Peter explained everything to Ned,

“Let me guess, the way y/n laughed at your junk made you so insecure about it that you couldn’t get a hard on?” Bug-boy groaned and and lifted his arms up,

“Exactly! What the fuck am I supposed to do now? What if she ruined my ability to ever become horny?”

Ned shrugged and frowned,

“Listen, y/n feels horrible about the way she acted. She really does feel bad. Go talk to her, trust me. My grandma always says that communication is the bed solution”

“Thanks a lot, y/n! Because of you, I can’t get an erection!” Peter yelled as he barged into your room. You slammed your book shut and sat up on your knees in the middle of your bed,

“What?!” He nodded and and pointed his finger in your face,

“I cant get your stupid little screech out of my head! The whole time I was trying to hook up with Lauren, your laugh and reaction to my dick kept replaying in my mind” You placed your face in your hands,

“I’m sorry, okay?! I just panicked, and when I panic I laugh or scream!” He rolled his eyes and leaned against your doorframe,

“Peter…your member is beautiful, okay?” You said, giving him a toothy smile. His face scrunched up,

“Oh my god! Do not call it a member, please. Call it a dick or whatever” You sighed and pushed your hair back,

“Your dick is nice looking, okay? It’s a good—dick. It’s far from small. I just got embarrassed because I invaded your…privacy” You were telling the truth.

He ‘tsked’ at the last part,

“You were embarrassed?” He said, raising an eyebrow,

“We were both embarrassed! I should have knocked. You should have turned down your music” He nodded and remained silent,

“I guess so”

The next day, you came up with the best idea.

There had to be some way to ease the tension, to relieve Peter’s embarrassment,

“This should work” You said, standing nude in front of your mirror. You ran your hands up and down your curves and let out a huff.

Your idea was to wait in his room and flash Peter when he came home to make it even between the both of you.

It’s only fair, right?

You wrapped a towel around yourself and made your way to his room.

“Fuck, I can’t believe this is happening” Peter and Lauren came stumbling through your shared loft,

“Are you sure your friends are out tonight?” The girl asked against his lips. He moaned when she pushed into his groin,

“Y-Yeah. They should be”

Peter had texted Lauren that morning, asking to hang out.

He really thought about everything that went down and concluded that it was never that serious.

His dick was fine, so was his body, and he wasn’t going to let you stop him from hooking up with pretty girls.

That’s how he ended with Lauren in his car, and then in his apartment,

“My room is down here” She followed him as he led her to his room.

You gasped as you heard Peter and a female voice echo throughout the apartment.

Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no!

You scrambled around the room, quickly trying to find where to go. You went to the bedroom door and stopped as you heard them step right outside it.

Fuck! Think fast, y/n.

You stopped, dropped, and rolled to the side of his bed that was facing away from the door.

“Take off your clothes” Peter nodded as he stood in front of Lauren who was sitting on the edge of his bed. He took a deep breath and hurriedly took off his shirt.

She grinned and bit her lip, her hands going to unclasp her bra,

“Who the fuck is that?!” She screamed, pointing to the floor before covering her chest. Peter turned around and saw you in a towel, crawling on the floor towards his door,

“Y/n?! Wha—

You stood up and ran to the door, your towel then fell, revealing your nude backside,

“Oh…f-fuck” Peter whimpered as he stared at your body, completely forgetting that the blond was there, sitting frightened and confused as hell on his bed.

His eyes became hazy, his pupils dilating,

“Y/n” You slowly turned around, his gaze now being introduced to your naked front view.

His eyes trailed from your face to your breasts and lower.

A smirk-like grin formed on his lips as he stared at you.

You cleared your throat and ran a hand through your hair,

“Ta-da” You said, giving a weird smile.

Coming to your senses, you picked up the towel and quickly wrapped it around yourself, then practically sprinted out of the room and slamming the door behind you,

“Wow” Peter chuckled under his breath.

You were so fucking beautiful.

She’s so fucking beautiful, holy shit.

Lauren screamed from behind him,

“Um—what the fucking fuck just fucking happened!!”

Part 2!

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warrenposts · 6 months

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You know what would have been a great ending for Finnick?

The mutts viciously attack him in the sewers. It looks like he's not gonna make it, but Katniss and Peeta refuse to leave him behind.

He's done so much to save them and look out for them and they know what happens to people who are left behind. But GALE (FUCKING GALE) goes all soldier and shuts the door on him, claiming he's too far gone.

Then, either during the bombing or slightly before they're arguing with Gale. Peeta looks like himself again, kind and determined to save his friends. It's familiar to Katniss. As they argue, they see a man hole cover open and who emerges bloody and battered? Finnick.

OR they find him at Snows mansion because the Mutts didn't kill him. They dragged him back all the way through the sewers to return Snows Toy.

Finnick is alive but BADLY scarred. On his chest, arms, face. Maybe even missing a finger or two. One of his eyes has gone a little cloudy and a streak of his hair haa turned a platnium white from the fear and trauma.

Finally, they're all safe. Haymitch makes a joke about "what's it like not being pretty anymore? No better than the rest of us."

Katniss later apologisea for this joke but Finnick tells her he's right.

"My body has never been my own. The capital had always had final say. They took away every scar and blemish. All the nicks I'd ever gotten from learning how to make hooks. Every callous in my hands, every scratch they left down my back.

I know it's bad, people can't stop staring at me, but hey, I'm used to that, right?... I was afraid of what Annie might think, but I know she still loves me. And if looking like this means that she's the only person who will ever want to touch me again, then it's a blessing.

We're free, Katniss."

I think Finnick having his "beauty taken away" by scars and wounds is something he would find so comforting. His beauty had been a curse, but now he has agency again.

#finnick odair #hunger games #the hunger games #finnick #finnick odair x reader

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chaosisalwayscrying · 2 months

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NSFW ABC’S

⇥ synopsis : nsfw abcs for chris (my man)

⇥ warnings : smut/suggestive themes

⇥ extra : this is also late but my mom has not left me alone long enough to actually write these on time 😭😭

⇥ masterlist !

⇥ taglist !

A = Aftercare (what they're like after sex)

hes so good at aftercare!! like he is so so gentle. asks before pulling out and SPRINTS to get a rag to clean you up with, or if youd prefer he turns on the shower and helps you get clean before dressing you

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's)

chris loves his hair, he loves how you tug on it as hes eating you out, and he loves the way you play with it when hes draped on your chest

chris loves your ass and hips. he loves the way your ass jiggles when you walk up the stairs from his room, loves the way it bounces when you ride him, and he loves seeing his handprints on it

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

never used condoms, youve been on bc since chris suggested starting to have sex. he obviously asked you about condoms multiple times in the middle of sex, scared youd changed your mind and he just forgot (bless his heart)

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

LOVES LOVES LOVES when you blindfold him. loves not knowing whats gonna happen, he also loves how it heightens his other senses

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)

had 2 bodies before you, so he had some experience under his belt, but he still asked you what you were comfortable with

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

doggy and reverse cowgirl. backshots are his absolute favorite thing ever because he can easily smack your ass and grip your hips hard as hell. he also loves watching your ass bounce as you bounce on him im reverse cowgirl, turns him on so bad

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

nothing is serious to chris, hes cracking jokes left and right. only sometimes will he let it be more serious

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

hes shaved not bald. has DEFINITELY let you use wax to make designs in his hair 😭😭

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

can be romantic but doesnt do it often, hes not very good at it. praises you to the max to make up for it when hes trying to be more serious 😇

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

he did it a LOT before you got together, but now that youre together he doesnt as much anymore. you do enjoy sending him nudes so he can send you videos of him jerking off in return tho

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

mommy kink ‼️ he calls you ma outside of the bedroom anyway, but if hes feeling like being a sub hes whining out mommy every other word and LORD ITS HOT

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

anywhere. if matt and nick are gone, hes a big fan of bending you over the kitchen table. in public he will literally follow you into the dressing rooms and press you up against the mirror

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

literally anything. if its a serious situation hes not even thinking like that, but accidentally look at him the wrong way and hes hard, squat to get something, hes hard, change in front of him, hes hard. (bless his horny little heart)

N = No (something they wouldn't do, turn-offs)

brat taming, doesnt like the idea of punishing you or having you act a certain way 24/7

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

this man could happily spend a year of his life buried between your legs. will literally eat you out until youre spent beyond belief. he doesnt mind you sucking his dick but he would much rather have you bouncing on it.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

fast and rough 95% of the time, but he can absolutely be slow and sensual if thats what you want. his pace depends all on you, you say go faster? hes going faster immediately. you say slow down? hes slowing down without a complaint and pressing a kiss to whatever bit of exposed skin he can

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

LOVES LOVES LOVES QUICKIES. at a party? youre going to the first bathroom he can see without a line. at the mall? dressing room. at a restaurant? bathroom.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

chris isnt opposed to experimenting, hes down to try most things once, but he does have a list of hard nos.

however, he will take as many risks as he possibly can that youre ok with

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

3 or 4, doing so many sports as a kid paid off because he has an insane amount of stamina. can go three rounds without even faltering, sometimes the fourth isnt possible cause he gets tired, but if hes REALLY horny he can go for four

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

he owns none but you own a dildo and vibrator. he likes using them on you to tease you, and he likes watching them use them on yourself

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

chris loves to tease but if he can see you arent feeling it he stops without you having to say anything (hes observed all your signs during and not during sex so he can read you like a book)

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

sort of loud. if hes giving you backshots hes grunting and groaning but hes not being quiet about it, and if youre riding him, hes moaning and groaning and whining loud

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

saw a tiktok about this couple doing a clone-a-willy, and very eagerly asked you if you would what that 😭 (clone-a-willy is this thing where you make a silicone mold of your dick and mail it to the company to make a dildo out of and they send it back)

X = X-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)

CHRIS IS THICK. he isnt too long but the thickness makes up for it. definitely needs to stretch you before even thinking about putting his dick in you 😭

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

9/10, dude is ALWAYS HORNY, but he knows when to be serious and can go from 9/10 to 0/10 real quick

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

falls asleep so fast, but he would never let himself fall asleep before you were both back in bed and comfortable.

⇥ TAGS !

@sturnioloshacker @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @hertvgirl @cupidzsq @sturnnie @leah-loves-lilies @billkaulitz0630 @sturniolololover @stqrnstars @cicicinquistausa @tylerthecreatorsrealwife

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mylucayathoughts · 7 months

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Alex looking at Henry with so much attention and tenderness when they were making love for the first time is the most alluringly beautiful thing I have ever seen on cinema or TV or anything really. It's honestly so hot, so intimate, so beautiful in ways that I didn't know could be depicted in a visual medium. You can literally feel the care in Alex's eyes and the way he reads Henry's face. The way he moves in response to Henry's nod so carefully while reading all his expressions 🤧

He literally doesn't take his eyes off even for a second, like he was taking in all the things that were playing on Henrys face and at the same time being so careful not hurt him in any way 😭❤️

After mostly studying Nicks face in these scenes I have shifted my attention to Taylor's and I have to say the man gave it his all! Taylor literally mentioned how their guards were down while making the Paris scene. He really IMMERSED himself into becoming Alex. The Alex who has never been with a man, who let Henry guide him, who was in awe of Henry's uncensored heart, who was cherishing every millisecond of this intimate moment between them 🥺🤧 bless Taylors heart for this, for his dedication and all 💘

#Firstprince #Red white and royal blue #Rwrb movie #Alex x Henry #Taylor Zakhar Perez #Alex Claremont Diaz #Tzp #Mylucayathoughts #Rwrb thoughts

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dearharriet · 4 months

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By Any Other Name; Sirius Black ☕️

“D’you have a name, love?” He was spitting mischief into every word. “Or should I just call you angel face?”

By God, he was not pulling any punches. His voice being as silky as your knickers didn’t help, nor did his wicked teeth or his lithe hands. It was a feat of its own to close your mouth, and another altogether to speak.

Your name spilled off his lips with an exhaled drag, hot and smoking and swept away by the wind.

“Pleasure to meet you, angel face,” he said cheekily. “You can call me Sirius.”

summary: by the will of mother nature, you meet your charming downstairs neighbor—who has been dying to meet you just as much.

word count: 3K

warnings: fem!r, sexually implicit comments, lots of mentions of underwear and lingerie

authors note: me 🤝🏼 making sirius act like my other favorite scorpio (ryan gosling)

1978. London, England.

More than anything in the world, you wished you had a tumble-dryer. The London winds turned brutal in autumn, and you’d lost nearly ten items of clothing before the season was done.

A pretty sundress, a flannel you’d nicked from your father’s dresser. A skimpy little black nighty, the top only lace and the bottom sheer satin.

That one had been the most recent, only the day before. You blamed yourself, really; You thought you’d be coy and hang it outside for the boy downstairs to see, and the wind tore it off the line and blew it to who knows where. Now some creep probably had it in his sock drawer.

Despite all of this, you still did not have a blessed tumble-dryer. Which meant even at present, in wind that might’ve blown your makeup off, you were outside clipping your soggy knickers to the line. Three clips each, thank you very much.

You can’t say it was all that embarrassing. London wasn’t particularly a town of modesty or shame, especially in more recent times. All the ladies along your alley hung their undies out, and no one seemed to mind. Maybe you just lived on an especially progressive block of the city. Whatever it was, you liked it.

You hummed a soft tune as you hung the last piece of clothing on the line, feeling chilly yet accomplished.

The wind had died down just slightly, leaving the clothes swinging on the line—suspended between your building and the one neighboring it. You peeked across to ensure that everything seemed secure, just in time to watch a pair of silky pink undies slip from their clips and fall a story down into the alley.

You clicked your tongue, promptly making your way down the fire escape to retrieve them.

As you rounded the landing to descend the second half of stairs, you were aghast to see the boy from downstairs—the one you so desperately wanted to see your cheeky nightgown—leant against your flat building. He was smoking a cigarette languidly and intently watching your sad knickers which landed before him.

You stammered at first, unsure what to say. The remaining shreds of daylight were reflecting quite stunningly off of his pitch black hair, in a way that was all too distracting. Eventually, you settled for something apologetic.

“God, I’m sorry.” You inched forward until you could bend down and rescue the pink knickers from the filthy ground. You frowned at the specks of dirt on them. You’d have to wash them all over again. Or maybe you should just toss them.

Or cast them into the sea. Perhaps donate them to a bluebird to use for nesting. God, you were embarrassed.

For a split second you became mortified with a scenario where you kept the dirty undies and this handsome-boy-downstairs wanted to shag you, only to find you’re wearing the disgusting alley knickers. Your cheeks grew hot.

You pushed the underwear behind your back then, hoping he didn’t see them in full. When you looked up, he blew a cloud of smoke from his nose and smiled devilishly.

“Not to worry, darling. I’m quite accustomed to women dropping their knickers in front of me.”

Your mouth popped open in shock. A boyish but refined laugh bubbled out of him as you failed to respond.

“D’you have a name, love?” He was spitting mischief into every word. “Or should I just call you angel face?”

Your name spilled off his lips with an exhaled drag, hot and smoking and swept away by the wind.

“Pleasure to meet you, angel face,” he said cheekily. “You can call me Sirius.”

“I can’t call you handsome?” You blurted, and Sirius’ smile got so much worse, which is to say humbler and far more genuine.

“If the shoe fits,” he mumbled.

A gust of wind blew and his hair billowed with it, just as he took a final drag of his cigarette. The embers lit his face warmly.

It fit. It definitely fit.

Sirius stomped his smoke out on the cobblestone and brushed his hands off on his slacks.

“I actually have something I want to give you.” Sirius inched toward his flat window, ignoring your pinched brows. “Wait right there.”

Contorting his long limbs, he slipped inside and disappeared.

Within seconds he returned, holding what you instantly recognized as your black nighty. He walked it to you, growing taller with every step.

“Think this belongs to you,” he prodded. You took the garment from him, smiling coyly.

“Do you happen to have any of the other clothes I’m missing?” You accused, and he ducked his head sheepishly.

“Just this one,” he promised, “it fell last Sunday, just here, like your knickers.”

You flushed. “Sorry.”

Sirius’ expression turned boyish. “You should be. I’d have preferred that you came with it.”

The wind picked up again and wafted his cologne with it, something citrusy and clean. A pit stirred in your stomach.

“Maybe next time,” you murmured, and slipped up the fire escape before he could respond.

You sincerely didn’t expect to see Sirius after that. Not because you didn’t want to, but because it felt too simple. Too convenient.

Stunning, charming boy downstairs, holding onto your nightclothes to give back to you…

He had to be a creep. There was no other explanation. Or worse—he was only trying to be nice to save you from embarrassment.

You kept running through your conversation with him, adding new motivations and hidden meanings. Each one was like a warning siren, and it kept you from seeking him out.

Sirius, however, was not dissuaded at all.

A week later and it was the turn of November. The winds were cruel and rain barely ever let up, and any sunny day became laundry day.

One fateful, blessed dry Friday, you popped out to hang your loathsome clothes. If being clean was this much trouble, you weren’t sure it was worth it anymore. You were halfway through the soggy hamper when someone downstairs began to whistle.

“Darling, do you do anything but laundry?” A familiar voice called, posh and smug and handsome.

You peeked over the railing, and Sirius was in the alley with an amused grin on his face.

“Do you do anything but watch me do laundry,” you shot back, which made him laugh.

Sirius was making a paper boy cap look very stylish, holding the lip of it to aid his theatrics. There was something quite old fashioned about him, even in his boyish demeanor.

“I like to hear you sing,” he defended. “You have a pretty voice.”

You weren’t sure how to respond to that. You didn’t entirely realize you sang at all. Sirius shoved his hands into his pockets and looked around.

“Does this seem a bit cliché?”

You looked around, too, at your balcony and the shaded alley; At Sirius, who was the shining image of a hopeless romantic, ready to profess his undying love.

“I suppose,” you agree. “Wherefore art thou? No—a minute is not enough.“

Sirius pushed his tongue into his cheek, grinning.

“I was imagining something else,” he said. “Let down your hair…Or—your clothesline?”

You snorted.

“Luckily, this damsel has stairs.”

Smile widening, Sirius raised his eyebrows, wondering if you’d meant to invite him up. You nodded, and he took the steps two at a time.

It was charming. While you were still reserved, you couldn’t help but admire his complexities. He’d seemed so subdued upon first meeting him, but now he was almost howling with excitement.

He was completely out of place on your terrace. A sharp and shining bachelor lording over your half-dead plants and damp t-shirts. He looked like he had a tumble dryer, and an iron, too. Or a maid. Definitely a maid. It was a mystery why someone so put together was living on the floor beneath you.

“What,” Sirius asked, looking dubious.

“What?” Your cheeks warmed. You’d been spacing out.

“You’re looking at me weird,” he accused, but he kept a lightness in his voice. “You don’t still think I stole all your clothes, do you?”

“No,” you denied. Then, feeling cheeky, you added, “just the nighty, right?”

He blinked, looking shy again. “Well. It—it fell.”

“Oh, right, my mistake. It fell,” you nodded, and watched his mouth open and close.

“Y’know, most neighbors bake something if they want to make friends,” you continued, enjoying his squirming, his brown pearly loafers scuffing on the grated platform.

You thought he was handsome when you met, with his cavalier confidence and dangerous smile, but seeing him so embarrassed was just as enthralling; His fair skin flushed pink, his broad shoulders hunched…his voice turned raspy and unsure.

“I was never good in the kitchen.” He said it like it was a fatal flaw, unfixable.

“No, of course not,” you said with unwavering mirth. “You’d hire someone to do that, wouldn’t you?”

Sirius’ head snapped up, shocked, confirming your suspicions.

“What are you robbing my clothesline for, rich boy,” you teased, wrinkling your nose at him.

Scratching his jaw, he blew out a bewildered laugh.

“What gave it away?”

You snickered, making a sweeping gesture over him. “What didn’t?”

Sirius looked down at his pressed white dress shirt and well-fitted vest. He then ripped his hat off, deflating.

“Thought I was doing a good job of fitting in,” he muttered.

“Sorry,” you cooed, though you weren’t sure why. It should’ve been insulting, that this upper-class idiot was so upset at seeming as well-off as he was, but he kept striking you with an odd sincerity. He didn’t seem ignorant, he just seemed lost, and you felt sorry for him.

“If it’s any consolation, you look quite handsome.”

Sirius looked up at you through his lashes and shyly smiled.

“Do I?” He needled. You hummed affirmatively.

“If a bit chilly. Who’s been making your cuppas?”

Grabbing your basket, you backed away towards your window and slipped inside. You waited for Sirius to follow, hoping your invitation wasn’t too indirect. Thankfully, he crawled in after you, loitering by the window awkwardly.

“Well, don’t let all the heat out,” you called over your shoulder, dropping the basket onto your couch and bee-lining for the kitchen. Sirius closed the window and meandered further into your space.

“You’re not going to poison me, are you,” he asked from your kitchen threshold, watching you put the kettle on.

“I’m not sure you should be as paranoid as me,” you said, leaning against the counter. “But I’m fresh out, so not this time.”

Sirius laughed. “Oh, good.”

“So,” you started, crossing your arms to mirror him, “who are these girls dropping their undies for you? I’m painfully curious.”

Sirius sucked his teeth, hiding a grin.

“I’m not sure you have enough tea,” he sighed solemnly. “We’d be here all night.”

Eyes tracing over the long hands splayed over his biceps, you bit your lip.

“I can imagine,” you humored. “A pretty boy like you…you never catch a break, do you?”

Sirius looked constantly unprepared for complements like this, and you couldn’t get enough. He was pink and silent and restless, faltering for something witty to reply with.

In the end, he just shook his head.

When the water was hot, you made up Sirius’ tea, and he thanked you shyly as his hand brushed yours. He put far too much sugar in it, and not a spot of milk, but you found that just as charming as the rest of him. You sat at your kitchen table, smiling over your cups.

“I haven’t had a good cuppa in months,” Sirius sighed, spinning his mug in absentminded circles.

“Thought you had a maid,” you prodded, and Sirius’ responding smile was bittersweet.

“Not anymore,” he said quietly, “not for a while.”

You took a slow sip of your tea, watching him carefully. As you set your cup down, you licked your lips, and Sirius instinctively copied you.

“So…no maid.” You leaned back, lifting a brow. “Who presses your clothes, then?”

Sirius frowned. “I do.”

“Oh.” You frowned, too. “But you can’t make a cuppa?”

“I—“ Sirius chuckled. “I can make a cuppa. It just tastes better when someone else makes it.”

“Ah.” Picking up your cup again, you smiled at him. “Well, I’m happy to help.”

Sirius pulled his lip between his teeth as you drank, rubbing his hands on his slacks.

“Well I—“ he cleared his throat, “—I should go.”

Confused, you watched him as he pushed his chair back and stood, ducking to you gratefully.

“So soon,” you complained. It was odd. You’d been avoiding him all week, but once he was around you didn’t want him to go.

“Yes, well. I wouldn’t want to intrude.” Sirius smiled kindly, if a little distant.

“Well, I invited you, handsome. That’s hardly intruding.” Your words were intentionally soft and sticky, cloying, to change his mind.

Sirius’s eyes swept over your face for a moment, his mouth chewing on words that never came out. Eventually, he left a thankful caress on your hand, where it laid dormant on the table.

“Thank you for the tea,” he expressed, and then he was gone.

You sat at the table long after he left, until your tea was cold and his empty cup was dry.

The whole week after that, you turned your conversation with Sirius over in your mind again and again, looking for what you’d done wrong.

He’d never seemed angry, even as he left. He was almost sullen.

In the days following, it was like he’d never existed. The alley had a Sirius-shaped hole in it every time you hung your clothes, and—as if it was missing him, too—the wind had stopped blowing.

Singing softly, you hung your final garments, enjoying the still evening while you could. When you sucked in a new breath, it was thick with the scent of burning tobacco. You looked down through the slats, and as you expected, Sirius was leaning where he was when you’d first met him.

Sucking your bottom lip, you looked at the cloth in your hands, and then back at Sirius. At the sudden absence of your voice, he’d looked up, and your gaze met his. He stilled, the ash growing perilous on his smoke, and watched as you held your dark nightgown over the railing. You let it go, and watched Sirius sigh, tracking its feathery fall to the ground.

When he looked back up, you were already halfway down the rickety stairs.

“Darling, don’t—“

“You know, it’s rotten manners to leave a girl wondering what she’s done wrong,” you scolded, plucking the gown off of the cobblestones. “Especially after being so charming all the time.”

Sirius winced. “I’m sorry.”

He looked frustratingly good, more casual than you’d ever seen him. His hair was messy and his collar unbuttoned, sleeves rolled to the elbow. It only made you bolder.

“Well,” you prodded, “won’t you at least tell me?”

He furrowed his brows, his cigarette long forgotten between his fingers.

“Tell you what?”

“What I did,” you huffed, exasperated.

His face crumpled.

“Darling,” Sirius stressed, “nothing. You’re the loveliest neighbor I’ve ever had.”

The compliment felt like an insult, calculatedly detached, and you wondered if you’d invented the whole thing in your head.

“Why’d you leave, then?”

Sirius shifted, his expensive shoes crunching on the ground.

“I didn’t want to impose.”

Unbelieving, you shook your head in disappointment. It must’ve been something awfully offensive if he still wouldn’t tell you.

“I can’t afford the expensive teas, so if it tasted odd—“

“—Love, it wasn’t the tea, it’s—“ Sirius licked his lips, hesitating. “I shouldn’t have taken it.”

Lost, the corners of your mouth pulled down. Sirius sighed.

“The gown, I—“ He gestured to the satin in your hands. “It was inappropriate. I’m sorry.”

Avoiding your eyes, he finally ashed his cigarette, but left it abandoned in his hand. Stepping closer, you batted your lashes at his shameful face.

“Sirius, if it worried me, I wouldn’t have invited you inside.”

“It should worry you!” His face contorted. “It was manipulative and debauched—“

“Debauched!” You grinned, eyes bright. “What exactly did you do to my nightgown, hm?”

Sirius’ mouth pursed disapprovingly. “Love, please.”

You stepped closer, pouting.

“You didn’t imagine me in it?” Sirius shook his head passionately, but his cheeks warmed. “Shame. I hung it for you, you know.”

Sucking in a breath, his cigarette met the ground as you waded closer. You reached out, tugging on the top button of his vest.

“Will it take a cyclone for you to ask me out?”

Sirius let out a heavy breath and shook his head. When he said no more, you tilted your head and pulled him into you.

“Well then?”

His eyes searched yours.

“Go on,” you said. “I’m not sure someone who likes his tea with seven sugars could be very scary.”

Brightening, Sirius took your hand where it fiddled with his vest. You watched with heat in your chest as he brought it to his face and pressed his mouth to it. He then turned it over and did the same to your open palm.

“Could I please take you out, angel face?” His breath was hot on the inside of your hand, sending chills up your neck. “To repay you for the stunning cuppa?”

Chuckling, you traced a feather-light finger over his jaw.

“Certainly.” You licked over your teeth. “I’ll wear my driest knickers.”

His smile slipped into wicked territory.

“Don’t sweat it, love.” A big hand smoothed over your shoulder, and you melted. “You’ll only be wasting your time.”

thank you for reading! 🦢

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