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maximumkillshot · 6 months

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"I Can't Lose You" Part 4

Warnings: Not as bad as the last 2 but here we go! , Aftermath of a miscarriage, some fluff, descriptions of grief due to losing a baby, Crying Lixie, Hannie, and Binnie. Shock, Grief, slight panic, fear of abandonment.

Pairing: Bangchan x Reader

Characters: OC Doctor Number 2, Stray Kids, Reader

A/N: Okay so this one is different from the other three, we are in a sort of lull in the angst with this one. It's time to be in Bin's head for a bit. Let's just say... this is a "building" chapter. It's time for some fluff as well... IF YOU WANT MORE TELL ME!

Also remember, this is a fan fic. All of the boys are so sweet IRL.

Stray Kids! Masterlist

Overall Masterlist

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PREVIOUSLY:

“And you? How’re you doing?” Bin asked. He knows Han has anxiety, seeing all of this and being as strong as he’s been is not easy.

“I’m… Out of all people, Bin.” Han shook his head. Han has known Chan the longest and he would’ve never expected him to do this.

“I know”

“Please tell me you didn’t hit him.” Han said.

“Nah… She needs me more than I need to beat him to a pulp… I don’t think he’ll be bothering her anymore though.” That’s at least what Bin hopes. Everything is so raw. A little less than 6 hours before this you were at a restaurant to celebrate your 3rd anniversary. Now everything was all wrong, a nightmare incarnate and no one can wake up from reality.

“Hyung… She can’t go back to that house.” Han said as he took a deep breath.

“I know. All I know is that we'll do what she’s comfortable with.”

“Agreed…Bin?” Han asked.

“Yeah?”

“It should’ve been you with her from the beginning.” Han looked to Bin, a look of understanding and empathy for Bin. Han could always see the way Bin looked at you when no one else was looking. Everything you said would be committed to his memory, even the smallest things like which brand of sesame oil you like best for your bulgogi marinade.

“I know. That doesn’t mean that I can’t be here for her from now on.”

Han just smiled and both of them went back into the room.

NOW:

Bin POV:

That night was terrible. Every 20 or so minutes, Y/N would twist and turn in pain as the contractions continued to decimate her. After about 5 agonizing hours, they started to subside, now a much duller version of what they once were, at least that’s what she tells me. Felix and Hannie were so strong through it all and helped in any way they could. Feeding her ice chips, holding her hand, even something as simple as massaging her legs helped a great deal. There were no questions, no arguments, and most of all no mention of Chris.

There were some points where she needed all of us. Hannie and I held one hand each, and Felix rubbed her back. When she finally went to bed, well more like collapsed from exhaustion, the sun was out and the clock read 7:00 a.m.

As soon as we were sure she was out cold, that was when we had permission to collapse. First was Felix. I noticed his eyes getting red as he looked at Hannie, and then back to me. "This isn't fair," he petted her leg and tucked her in, trying to comfort her, even though she was completely dead to the world. "She didn't deserve this… they didn't deserve this…" At this point, tears are falling on the blanket freely. All I could do was walk over to him and hug him. I moved us back a little and closed the privacy curtain so that if she did wake up, she couldn't see Lix like this. Felix did his best to cry silently.

He was trying so hard to mute himself as he whispered into my shoulder, "I didn't get to hold the baby, Hyung… we didn't get to spoil the baby, change the baby… look into their eyes, hear them giggle."

I know that feeling. I also wondered what the baby was going to look like. I would’ve bet the baby would’ve had her eyes. What if her quirks were another thing the baby would’ve inherited? Would they giggle at situational humor? Or maybe they would've had her sarcasm? That smile that’d light up a room? That used to light up a room.

I heard Han losing it behind me as well at what Felix was saying.

"S'not fair Hyung… deserved better…both of them did," Felix was doing everything to stay silent, even covering his mouth, trying to smother the sobs before they left his mouth.

"I know… I know" was all I could say. She deserved so much more. She deserved so much more than to be cheated on. She deserved more than to lose her child. She deserves to be pampered, kept safe, loved. The fact that life is this cruel, regardless of the person, that also hit me hard. All she ever wants to do is help. That’s it. So why is she getting punished like this? Why does she have to pay for the sins of her husband? What sense does that make? It doesn’t.

Han’s footsteps caught my attention. As he walked to us I could see in his eyes he was losing it too. His eyes brimming with tears. I could tell, he felt like I did. Helpless. Scared. Broken. He looked at Y/N as he walked towards us. Hannie seems like the type that would cry easily. He’s not. He really only cries when he’s angry, hurt, or frustrated. Otherwise he doesn’t cry in front of people. That’s why he doesn’t watch animated movies with me for the most part. He doesn’t want to cry in front of people. So seeing him like this…

I just opened my arms to him and he walked into them, huddling with Lix, his voice breaking, "There was so much blood, I can't…. She almost died because he was stupid and childish… a fucking coward… we almost lost her… our girl… Bin…" Hannie gripped into my hoodie, trying to ground himself. We always call Y/N our girl. Chris was always working, always distracted, always this or that. It’d take a toll on her. I would tell Chris to stop, to go home, spend time with her. I told him the tracks can wait, that she deserved to have him present for at least an hour or two. He’d always say that he could do ‘better things’ with his time. You’d think that he’d see his own wife as a person that he loves instead of a waste of time, that should’ve been the first red flag right there.

Eventually, Han and I just started leaving his ass at the studio, picking up some food and making a “friend date night” with Y/N. We’d pile up in Han’s room, we’d watch anime, horror movies, or sometimes, just be around her. The first time we did that was a year into the marriage, when we did, she started to tear up. When we asked why she said that she hadn’t seen Chris. Always asleep before he got home and always awake long after he left. Even thinking about it now gives me chills, how could he leave a gem like Y/N at home? Knowing she’s waiting for him. Seeing her face that night squeezed my heart. I could tell that day that Han felt the same way.

After that we always made sure to be home early every Friday and Saturday, and to clear the schedules for the most part on Sundays; Friday was movie night, Saturday was game or anime night, and Sunday was cooking date night, where we picked a recipe and made it together. Eventually Felix and Minho got in on it too, because what’s dinner without dessert and Minho said he wanted to make sure we were doing it correctly. Han and I knew the truth. We love spending time with her. It is that simple.

I felt Han and Lix’s tears soaking through my hoodie. I have never felt this helpless in my life. Y/N almost died in my arms, her baby is gone, Lix is mourning and sobbing on me, now Han is finally releasing some of what he’s feeling. All of these things I can’t control. I can’t help with any of it. The only thing that I can really do is be there for them. Even though, in my eyes, that isn’t a lot.

"I know we almost lost her… but she's here, you see? She's right here." I had them peek through the curtain to see her sleeping form and they both looked at her. "You know what else? A doctor told me that a pregnant woman carries some fetal cells & DNA even after they give birth." I said as both went back to gripping me again behind the curtain.

I continued, "That means that even though the baby didn't make it, that DNA still lives on in her." Just reiterating that fact, I even started crying. When the attending doctor told me that, Lix and Han were sleeping, while Y/N was in the bathroom, with one of the nurses. The doctor came in to check on her and they found me, on the verge of tears, trying to will them away. It was around 4am. The doctor is married to the same doctor that saved her life in the ER.

She was very kind with soft eyes. The doctor knocked on the bathroom door to notify the nurse to take as long as they needed. Then she turned her attention to me. They asked me to follow her and we went into a consolation room.

“The chart says you’re family… But family doesn’t cry like that.” The doctor said as we sat across from each other. “I’m here to listen. Y/N wasn’t the only one who went through a trauma today.”

I couldn’t hold it anymore as I started to sob. Something about the doctor's presence permitted that, “I should’ve protected her from him. Right after they got married he disappeared. He’s my best friend, well was my best friend …” After that I couldn’t stop. I told her how I felt about him, how I felt responsible for it all, how helpless I felt, how it all would’ve been different. I even told her what I almost did to him, how my brain can’t wrap around how she must be feeling, knowing it’d hurt too much. I didn’t leave out one detail as I sobbed.

She held my hand across the table, “You could’ve never predicted this. This is something that is unimaginable. You trusted him with her, and she’s your heart. That in and of itself takes courage, it shows that you truly love her. To put her happiness over everything else. There is a fact that I think is a small consolation, maybe it’ll bring you comfort…”That was when she told me the fact that I just told the boys.

"Binnie?" She asked and immediately I responded as my head snapped to the privacy curtain. I tried to keep my voice as steady as I could make it so that she didn’t get worried needlessly.

"Yes?" I asked as I let Han and Felix go.

"Can I have cuddles, please?" She asked. I immediately took off my hoodie, leaving me in my black sleeveless shirt, and went through the curtain. I saw her face relax when she saw me. It must’ve been scary after everything to wake up alone like that. I also saw her trying to shift in the bed to make room. I went to the other side to help her.

“Don’t worry, let me help you. I got you.” I cooed as I lifted her and helped her make room for me. Within seconds I got in the hospital bed with her.

"How could I say no to cuddles? Come here." I tried to be as gentle as possible with her as I cradled her. I could see in the way her body moves, it’s so sore. It was basically pushing fruitlessly for 5 hours straight after nearly bleeding to death. Her muscles had to be screaming every time she moved, that’s why I helped her do everything, from shifting and turning, to getting her in and out of bed. The only place she won’t let me go with her is the bathroom, which is completely understandable.

I heard her huff in frustration. When I looked at her she was glaring at her IV.

“What is it?” I asked, a little chuckle in my voice. I may or may not have an idea of what it is.

She grumbled, “IV won’t let me wrap around my Dwaekki.” She even crossed her arms as she stared at the offending object. She gets this pout. It’s so cute but she swears she is scary. It’s like seeing a puppy trying to intimidate a Bulldog. It’s not intimidating, it's cute. Even more so when she’s pouting at an inanimate object, if I’m lucky she’ll try bargaining with it.

I laughed at that, “How dare it.” I glared at it too, making her giggle a bit. I got up and repositioned the IV pole, bringing it to behind the bed, giving her more than enough room to move. I glared at it and I said “I don’t want any more trouble from you.” That earned a full on laugh. It wasn’t the same as its normal volume or anything, but it was still more progress. As soon as I laid back down her arm wrapped around me as she sighed with comfort.

She looked up at me and I looked down at her, studying her features. I’ve always cuddled with Y/N. It’s not uncommon for her head to be perched on my chest, but seeing her like this, after what she went through and still is going through is making me think. I’ve never seen anyone as strong, caring, and genuinely good as her.

Being with her is easy, it always has been. When I’m with her it all feels like breathing. She knows what type of person I am and I know what type of person she is. It’s like we balance each other perfectly. She likes comedy and romance movies, I like thriller and horror movies. She likes to learn languages. I hate learning languages, but she makes it fun. It’s like we push each other to be better. She fits perfectly. She molds perfectly to me, her hand fitting perfectly in mine. Every day I shoved all of this away, and every night I dreamed of her. I would hold on to those dreams so tightly. Some dreams are as simple as seeing her smile while I wrap my arms around her waist. Nothing sexual about it, just letting her know that I was behind her. Others we are just existing, laughing. The only real difference was me wearing a matching wedding band to hers. Those hurt. But only for a minute or two.

All of these thoughts are dangerous. That’s what I told myself for years now. The more I see her the more I see those thoughts, not as dangerous, but honest. All of the things that I think about her, it’s not a dramatized version of her. Everything I think is completely possible, how? Because I’ve seen it. I’ve seen her reaction to me and people around me.

Not to mention those eyes I get lost in constantly, the ones that are staring back at me right now. When she looks at me it feels like I am looking into a treasure trove. She is so full of knowledge, tenacity, and love. I could never understand how Chris could have her, and yet he looks to someone lower than her.

Her eyes look different now, inquisitive, making my eyebrows dip momentarily.

"Is it true?" She asked as I held her.

" Is what true?"I asked as I saw Felix and Han pull back the curtain, both a bit more put together. They were both walking to the only two chairs in the room, Felix to the one below the window and Han to the one right next to the bed, on Y/N’s side.

"The DNA? I have my baby's DNA," her voice cracked.

"Yes, it's true," I said as I kissed the crown of her head, "you will always have a piece of your baby with you."

She thought for a few minutes then she started to talk, very calm and very composed.

"I…I'm scared, Binnie." I saw her playing with my shirt. It’s one of those nervous habits she has. Whenever she is nervous, she’ll start playing with the nearest object. I’ve seen her fiddle with glasses, table cloths, and kitchenware. Her favorite is any clothes with texture. When I asked her why she told me that the patterns the stitching makes is just enough texture to help calm her. That is also why she prefers to wear anything with pockets in them, that way she can self soothe when her anxiety kicks up in public.

All of our ears perked up at that one sentence. We are all very much aware that she just went through a nightmare situation. For her to say that something scares her is something that all of us don’t take lightly. I noticed her body tensed up after that. Almost like her internal voice escaped without her permission. She also looked like she didn’t know where to look. Her eyes darted ever so slightly as she spoke. I tried to keep my tone as gentle as possible. I know her nerves are on edge, and honestly, I would’ve been surprised if that wasn't the case.

"Why are you scared? Of what?" I asked. I put my hand over hers to stop her movements, “you can tell me.”

"I can't lose you boys." She started tearing up as her voice started wavering, "I already lost my baby and my husband, I can't lose you guys too." At that point she buried her face in my chest as she shook, tears flowing down.

I thought that I had reached the limit of pieces my heart can break into and yet that one confession turned whatever was left into sand. "What?" I asked, "You think you're going to lose us? What gave you that idea?"

"Your leader is the same man that's been cheating on me. He's also your best friend.” She held me like I’d disappear, like I’d not only leave her side, but go willingly.

"Nonono, he was our best friend." Hannie said as he abandoned his chair, climbing into the bed with Y/N and me, sandwiching her in between us, as gently as possible. He rubbed her back, trying to soothe her.

Felix went to the foot of the bed and he said, "Chris didn't just hurt you. He hurt us by hurting you. We love you so much. For him to disrespect you like that…” Felix is usually a positive person, but his face looked like a cross between hurt, sad, and angry. “ For him to disrespect, humiliate, and degrade you like that? No friend of mine does that. You aren't a friend to me either, you feel like a sister. He hurt my sister, Y/N." His voice started to crack as he said, "he hurt my bubbly, funny, goofy, older sister who would also kill anyone that dared touch me… dare touch any of us. As far as I and everyone else on this team is concerned, he's a co-worker. Nothing more, nothing less." His brows were set at that last sentence, showing her we aren’t going anywhere.

She looked at us and said "I don't want to be the reason why things explode in your group. I don't want to cause trouble," She hid in my chest again, looking so small. I didn’t know how to comfort her in this. My heart just kept breaking and melting at the same time. Even though all of this just happened to her literally hours ago, she was still worried about us?

Han spoke up, "You didn't cause anything. You are doing what you have to do. The only person to blame for all of this is Chris, not you." He rubbed her arm as he spoke.

"Look up, you see Binnie?" He asked.

When she looked up she saw me. She nodded as she clutched onto me when I gave her a little smile.

"Look at your feet... You see Lixie?" He said, and sure enough, when she did Lix was right there. Rubbing her legs gently. She nodded.

"You feel me behind you?" Han completed. And she nodded.

"We are with you, right where we want to be. Hell, Felix ran just to catch Bin before he left, right?". I nodded.“Rain or shine, we are here for you always. Whatever you want to do. Wherever you want to go. We are here."

She started sobbing, clutching onto me as Han said, "We were never going to go anywhere… not without you, okay?"

I cut in with, "And if you don't know where to go or what to do, that's okay too… we'll figure it out together." I looked down at her and I started drying her tears as they fell.

"But what about?" She went to ask.. we all knew what she was talking about. Lix was already ahead of her on that. He dialed a number on his phone and put it on speaker.

A few rings later & someone picked up,

"Finally I was waiting for your call!" I heard Minho on the line.

Felix said, "Hey Hyung".

"How is she? We're all worried sick over here." Minho's voice was crystal clear.

Felix said, "Why don't you ask her yourself?"

I could tell she heard the joy in his voice, "Y/N/N?! Can you hear me, Beautiful?"

Felix laid the phone close to her.

"Y-yeah"

"How're you feeling, gorgeous?"

"Contractions stopped." I saw her wince a little at the mention. The doctors did say that it’ll be a few days until she feels marginally better.

"That's good, Lix was telling me you were in a lot of pain because of them… wish I was there with you." His voice fell a little at those words.

"I'm scared," she said blatantly to Minho. I could see just the thought weighing down on her mind. She seemed like she was trying to prepare for a whole other loss.

"Why, what is it?" He asked, his voice taking a softer approach to her now.

She couldn't say it so Han did, " She's afraid she's going to lose us, Hyung."

I added "She said she's already lost her baby and her husband. She can't take losing us too." I petted her hair back as she started to shake. I hated this, seeing her question everything since mostly everything was ripped out of her hands in the span of hours. Now she is trying to heal but she’s scared to rely on anyone, being vulnerable, all because the two people she trusted with everything were the same ones who stabbed her in the back. The anxiety rolling off of her was dizzying. I did my best to stay calm for her, I’m never leaving her. We aren’t leaving her, ever.

I heard Minho open a car door. "Y/N/N?" He asked as the door slammed.

"Y-yes?" She replied.

"I'm outside the hospital waiting with all the boys until visiting hours start." As soon as Minho said that there was a resounding "Hi Y/N/N!!" Through the phone.

"You will never lose us … Do you hear me?" Minho's voice sounded resolute and final.

“You promise?” She asked weeping, “Because I can’t lose you MinMin… I can’t lose my boys, m’not strong enough.” She pressed herself into me, trying to convince herself that we aren’t going anywhere. Han was rubbing her back while she cried, trying to keep his composure. Lix gave me a tissue for her and I started drying her tears.

I could hear Minho’s voice breaking, "Y/N/N-ie I promise. I want to hold you so bad right now. Just another half an hour. Okay? Then you can see us and we can see you and hug you and hold you… we missed you and we are so worried."

Then Hyunjin's voice rang out, thicker, like he himself started crying, "You deserve so much more than Chris could ever be. You hear me? You deserve to be pampered and cared for. Not taken for granted and lied to. We love you and we'll see you soon, okay?"

I.N piped up with "I can't wait to take you to lunch or dinner if you get out today! Where do you want to go?!"

That whimsical question seemed to make her relax a little as she said, "How about that Ramyeon place we always go to?" She asked,

"Ohh that's a great idea! I'm dying for some Nongshim Shin Ramyun." He sounded so happy.

That half an hour never went by quicker. They stood on the phone as they waited, talking about nothing and everything at the same time. As soon as the clock hit 8:30 am all I could hear was wind…

"We are running to you right now!" Minho said.

I could hear the occasional shove and giggle. A few minutes later there was a stampede of sneakers on the floor and as they walked in Minho said "In 3..2..1.." then he pulled the curtain back and hung up.

**********************************************************************

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259 notes · View notes

destix-art09 · 6 days

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The tragic gays occupying my heart. Artwork by me <3

| "I gave you a rare gift, but you didn't want it."

"Didn't I?"

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imrllytootiredforthis · 9 months

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Han saying noona does something to me tbh 😋

i wanna hear him whimper it😋

grabbing onto your hair as you tease his nipples, rolling them between your fingers before wrapping your lips around one.

listening to him keen, his legs wrapping and interlocking around your hips, digging into your back to encourage you closer as he whines out incoherent sentences.

"noona, noona please-please!"

he can barely breath as you nibble on one of them, fingers still working on the other.

he's so, so sensitive, he could probably come from this alone. even though you'd tease him about it. even though you'd keep going if he did.

because you're mean, so mean to him.

and he loves it.

"noona!"

#inbox💌#i possibly went a little bit overboard but oh well #who doesn't want hannie begging and crying?#han jisung smut #han jisung x reader #sub han jisung #sub jisung #stray kids smut #stray kids x reader #sub stray kids #sub kpop #sub idol #sub!stray kids #sub!han jisung

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collisvng · 2 months

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HE'S NEVER ALLOWED TO TOUCH SCISSORS EVER AGAIN ‼️ GONNA ROB JYP OF EVERY SINGLE PAIR OF SCISSORS ‼️ IMMA CRY WTF—

#➴collisvng thoughts ✨️#han jisung #hannie #hanji #jiji #my baby boi #he's so babygirl #i could cry #his hair is so fluffy #it's perfect #gonna sob my eyes out #i love him sfm

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patheticallyinfatuatedwithu · 1 year

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spider, pham hanni

you visit hanni after a terrifying encounter with a spider.

having lived and born in australia, you'd think pham hanni would be used to it. well, you're dead wrong.

it was the end of last period and you've bid goodbye to your friends and headed to hanni's classroom, where you found her to be the last one left inside and gingerly packing her things up. you let yourself in and strutted to where she stood, stopping right behind her. "why are you always the last one out?"

zipping her bag closed, she turned around and huffed, slinging her bag on her back and walking past you. "geez, i just asked. don't get all grumpy on me now."

she stayed silent and continued to walk in front of you, her eyebrows furrowed and arms crossed. you know that you should be concerned for your life, but you just couldn't bring yourself not to laugh at her adorable state right now.

she scoffed when the sound left your thoat, slightly glancing at you before looking back forward. it irked her that you could laugh at a situation like this right now when you should be fearing for your life. she parted her lips to say something, but it was cut short when a spider hung right in front of her face.

hanni let out a scream from horror movies.

if you weren't there and hadn't witnessed what happened beforehand, you would definitely thought that she was being chased by a murderer. the vietnamese jumped towards your arms, catching her with ease as she hid in the crook of your neck.

you stifled a laugh, "are you alright?" the question was choked and forced out and you had to bite your lip harshly to avoid laughter from erupting. you felt her grip on you tighten and just as how fast the spider appeared, your smile dropped.

"hanni..." you whispered and the girl just quivered in response.

it must've shaken her to the core seeing that spider.

"alright, don't worry about walking home, i'll carry you there." you felt her nod against your neck, feeling her warm breath against your skin, you blushed, mentally face palming that you had the audacity to blush while your friend was scared to death.

you started to move and her grip on you tightened again, and you couldn't help to think that she was cute.

it was the next day and hanni hasn't returned to school, which caused worriedness to wash over you and visit her after school. you knocked on her door and waited for a few moments before the door opened. you watched as her eyes went wide as an owl's before shutting the door on you.

...what?

"h-hanni," you stammered, greatly astounded as you reached to knock on the door again. before you could anyway, the door opened and she pulled you in. now, you were more confused than before. "are you okay-"

she pulled you in for a tight hug, stopping in the middle of the room and basking in your warmth, the back of your shirt crumpled under her hand. you hugged back, deciding to carry her towards her bed and place her down, but she resisted and took comfort in your lap instead, her hands now found way to your hair, tangling her fingers in it becoming one.

"are you alright?" your voice was quite muffled from her locks, but it wasn't as muffled as hers. "'m fine." you glanced at her, adjusting her in your lap as your arm held her waist to hold her in place. "you sure?" she nodded.

"how come your room's dim?" you questioned, gazing at the single lamp whose light is mostly restricted and towards the ajar positioning of her blinds. "i find it more comforting." she mumbles, further more hiding in your neck.

it was only then she shuffled that you realized what position the two of you were in, and you couldn't help but flush. you were sitting on the edge of the bed, back facing the wall as hanni straddled you, warm breath fanning your neck as you lightly shivered.

"y/n..."

you hummed, free hand sliding up and down her back to ease her fear. "i can still see the spider when i close my eyes." you frowned, and you felt her move away from you and stared at you, eyes travelling over your face, lingering the most on your lips.

"but with you here... i feel more safe." a warm smile replaced the frown, the hand that held waist unconsciously tightened and it was your turn to hide your face in her neck. she chuckled, fingers playing with your hair.

she can feel the warmth your face emitted against her skin, "you're embarrassed?" you nod against her, already knowing what she'll ask next. "you think too highly of me." she shook her head, "i should be the one embarrassed. i screamed so loud yesterday, and right in front of you too."

"what's wrong with screaming in front of me?" hanni stayed silent, and you were almost sure that you had made her uncomfortable, silently beating yourself up for it. as you were about to apologize, hanni had taken your jaw and threw it on the floor.

"i like you, that's why." the movements of her hands ceased, and the whole room was enveloped by silence. both your hearts beated erratically and was almost sure that the other could hear, hanni holding in her breath as she braced herself for rejection.

you pulled away, a smile on your face that brought a question mark above hanni's head. "i like you too." you replied, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. she tackled you in a hug, your back colliding with the bed's soft mattress and sheet as her hair created a curtain between you two and anyone who might walk in.

she grinned as she pulled away, which grew larger in size when you reached in to give her a peck on the lips, palm on her cheek as your thumb caressed it, before hanni leant down for a kiss. "that spider's a damn genius."

broken records i know i have requests but i wont be able to work on them yet since assessments are appearing and i figured that you all need to be fed so i've published this one in my drafts which has been here sinve day 1

#kpop #kpop gg #wlw #kpop gg x reader #kpop gg oneshots #kpop imagines #kpop oneshots #kpop x reader #new jeans x reader #new jeans #newjeans x reader #newjeans hanni #newjeans #pham hanni x reader #pham hanni #hanni x reader #nwjns hanni #hanni pham #crying at my own oneshot

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artbyg · 5 months

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2015

#jeichel: i think we're all past the 2015 draft it's been a couple years right #me: WRONG #i am rotating them in my head. holding them in my hands like barbie dolls. thinking and crying about their respective journeys even #connor mcdavid #jack eichel #dylan strome #mitch marner #noah hanifin #what if I kept going with this lol there are so many more beloved 2015ers #always debating adding hanny when those are thee Big Four yanno but narratively that's jack's guy like they stuck together #the same way the gta boys always stuck around each other for all those pre draft activities #so in he goes #hockey art #artbyg

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thatsnotbuddies · 3 months

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Changes on our hands and on our faces, Memories are mapped out by the lines we'll trace Jack Eichel & Noah Hanifin x Laughter Lines - Bastille

#aka . moodboard to the fic in my heart that i have vibes for but no plot <3 #jack eichel #noah hanifin #jack/hanny #ucbftf #when he's a constant in your life! everything changes life pulls you in unrecognisable directions and somehow! when you come back together #it feels like home #why am i cRYING #also interesting to think about #jack being the antithesis of connor. down to the keeping/not keeping the friendship with the boy who was with you before n during the draft #i will be back post retirement to make a proper laughter lines edit with ALL their years packed into it see you then #every single frame of those laugh gifs are highly important btw #okay i'm normal now #(lying)#*#long post

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channieandhisgoonsquad · 6 months

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Han Jisung gives me so much vibes of "friends to lovers with heavy sexual tension". Like, you guys are best friends and trust each other blindly for everything. You act like siblings, until you lost contact for some reason and, when you guys meet again, you start to see each other in different lights

I recently watched The Summer I Got Pretty season two and while I can't fucking stand the MC, I think Jisung fits the vibes of the boys

Title: Your Foolish Mind (part 1)

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: all of the angst, so much sadness

Comments: Okay, don't come at me for this, but this is part one I SWEAR! I will write more! I just wanted to get this little drabble out in the air. You know me, I love a little drabble that leaves readers on the edge of their seats with sweat dripping down their foreheads.

You swore your eyes were deceiving you. Of course, you knew you had lived in the same city, but the last time you had talked was when you were sixteen. Is that really Han Jisung?

As you sat in the local cafe enjoying your matcha latte, you just kept staring at the man that sat at the table across the way. He looked like him, kinda. He was wearing a bucket hat and looked like he was trying to remain incognito. You knew why, you were online just as much as the next young adult.

But, being the considerate human, you didn’t want to just approach this person because it could be someone else or you could be exposing the young idol. So, you decided to do what any unsure person would do.

You got up to get a stirring stick for your hot latte that you didn’t need. As you walked directly in front of his table, he didn’t look up at all.

Siiiigh.

As you stood at the condiments table, full of things you didn’t need, you debated on the stupidity of your antics.

Sure, this could be your old best friend from high school that you had always felt things for. He was so funny and so sweet to you, despite him being full of himself. But, in your eyes, it was totally understandable. That kid was going places, and you knew it.

The two of you were so close that your families knew each other and knew your favorite snacks and movies.

But, as soon as he started doing a lot more at JYPE, he didn’t have time to hardly be at classes anymore and you missed him.

When you had processed that your best friend just didn’t have time to see you anymore, you allowed yourself to hang out with some of the other friends you had. You stilled talked to him, but it wasn’t the same when you accepted your differences in paths.

While you were thinking about your past with him, a man reached past you to grab some sugar and you felt like such a weirdo just staring at the table. So, you grabbed your stirrer to make sure you didn’t just leave with nothing.

As you turned around, you came up with one last ditch effort to get noticed. You walked past the table and dropped your stick dramatically.

“Ahh shit.” You mumbled as you reached down to grab the stick that had fallen. As you crouched, you also cringed at how dumb you are. All to figure out if this man might be someone you used to-

“Y/n?” You heard softly spoken from above you.

You looked up to see the man in question. As he stared into your eyes, you realized those were indeed the same doe eyes you had fallen for years ago.

"Oh my god, it is you!" He continued as you remained shocked at both the fact that it is him and that your plan worked. The man stood and reached for your hand to lift you and pull you into a full embrace. You just stood there like a statue as his hug encompassed you, "Please sit with me!"

"Han? Oh! Yeah, let me grab my things." You scurried away, now consumed with thoughts of how you were supposed to handle being so good at this small manipulation. You didn't actually think of what you would say to him; the man you let leave your life without a second thought.

As you returned, Han pulled the empty seat across from him out and helped you place all your things. He had pulled the mask off his face so that you could see how happy he was at this surprise. His cheeks were still as fluffy as you remember, if not a little more shaped with his maturity.

"So, y/n, how have you been? I feel like we haven't really talked since sophomore year." He began, seemingly a little nervous as he fidgeted with the hem of the sleeve of his big sweater.

You smiled sadly at the comment, remembering that it had indeed been that long because of your decision. "We definitely haven't spoken since we were sixteen, but I've been well. Nearly done with college and trying to decide what comes after. How are you?"

"Wow. I feel like it was just yesterday you accidentally spilled a whole pot of ramen on the kitchen floor, and I took the fall so my mom would let you keep coming over. What ever happened to us? We used to be so close and then you were just not around anymore. I've been okay; busy with my music."

Oh god, you didn't expect him to notice, let alone bring it up. You thought he had been too busy to notice you fade out of his life. The tears were threatening to make an appearance just like they had when you made the executive decision to stop talking to him. "Oh. Well, you were busy back then, too. I'm sure it just came with our different paths. I'm glad you've gotten to do your music. I've been proud ever since I heard you were debuting."

His smile faded, but the picking at his clothes didn't stop. You knew his ticks and always tried to stop them when you were little. "No... I tried to reach out. I would show up to your house, but your parents said you weren't there or were out with others."

Fuck. Anytime he cries, you cry. He can't do this to you. "... I'm sorry."

"What did I do, y/n? Why did you leave me behind?" He whispered, looking down into his coffee mug, spinning it in circles on the plate it came with. You know he wasn't looking at you because he would start crying too.

"Han, we don't need to talk about-"

"I do," He said weakly as he looked up at you. The tears piling up in the crease of his eyes. His devastation would be your downfall, "I was so in love with you. Part of me always has been even after you broke my heart for no reason. You didn't know, probably, that I loved you. You aren't that cruel are you?"

That's it. How could he say this to you? It had been years since you spoke. And now, he has the audacity to confess his love for you. Your tears broke through. And as you wiped them away with the back of your hand, you felt anger. Anger at yourself for not giving him a say, anger that he didn't try harder, anger that he was saying this to you in such a public place.

"I can't- I just- I can't do this." You grabbed your bag and turned away to walk out the door. Tears falling steadily past your cheeks and into your open mouth as you panted from the heaviness that you had pressed against for so long. The salty taste wasn't even noticed as you swung the exit door open and tried to make a quick exit. You chose to go to your right, not caring where you were headed.

You could hear the desperate man behind you. His steps getting louder as he ran in front of you and stopped you where you stood.

"No!" He exclaimed sharply with his pointer finger aimed at your chest, "You don't get to walk away again without answering that one simple question. Nor do you get to cry about whatever this is! Just tell me what I did wrong, please?"

You huffed, trying to regain some composure, but it was impossible with his beautiful face becoming discolored and blotchy from his emotions bubbling forth in such a traumatic way. He was meant to be this handsome man that you only dreamed about. But now, you didn't know what to say or what to do.

But, you can't lie to him. That's probably why you just let yourself fade away from his life without a word. " You- you were just so busy between classes and your idol trainee things that I felt like I was taking up space where I didn't belong. Your path didn't have room for little old me. You know I can't lie to you. So, I just walked away. Despite the huge crush I had on you, which made me more absolute that I would get my feelings crushed in the end.

"All of those beautiful idol girls that wanted to hang out with you! I stood no chance. I'm so boring-looking compared to them. My life wasn't going anywhere fun like yours; I'm about to graduate as a pediatrician for god's sake!

"You need someone that understands the lifestyle and can handle it and make you happy. I know I was destined to be the childhood friend that was forgotten, or the girl that confessed her feelings and left anyways. It was just too much for-"

"Wait, you're talking so fast, y/n. Did you say you had a crush on me?" He grabbed your shoulder to emphasize his need to speak.

"Yeah, I did. crush might be putting it lightly, but I wanted you around me for the rest of our lives."

"I knew we were both dumb teenagers, but you're really taking first place in that competition." He cackled to himself while he wiped away his years with his sweater-covered hand.

"What?!" You punched him in the chest, a normal response to his teasing from when you were children. "You can't call me dumb! I just told you I had feelings for you!"

"Yah! So did I! Wait, you said did? As in, past tense?"

The air between you was tense and uncomfortably quiet as you took in his question. His face was still red, but the tears had stopped, as had yours. You looked into his eyes once again, remembering the butterflies he always gave you when he shifted his tone form silly to serious with the agility of a track star.

"I mean... It felt like a 'did' until you called my name in the shop. But how could I ever not feel weak to the knees when you look at me? If I had known-"

"Fuck, y/n, if I had known the real reason, I would've kissed you in front of everyone the next time I saw you in that hallway. I thought you hated me..."

You reached out to wipe off a singular tear that had escaped just then but retracted out of nervousness. Han wouldn't allow that though and pulled your arm back up to his face to cup his soft cheek. You wiped it away carefully, "I could never hate you, Hannie."

He spoke clearly, "I would've made sure there was room for you in my life. I would've quit my training to make sure you knew how important you were to me."

You scoffed, "I would've never allowed that. I would've walked right up to JYP-nim himself and asked him to take you back."

"Hell yeah you would've. You always stuck up for me when my anxiety got the best of me." He smiled as you continued to caress his cheek with such tender care that he thought he was dreaming. "Can I kiss you? I want to see if it's as good as I always wanted it to be."

"Please do... I hope I don't disappoint you." You stepped closer, placing your other hand on his shoulder while he grabbed both sides of your neck with his own.

"You could never."

My Spooky Pookies: @lyramundana @2chopsticks2eyes @sweetracha @moonlightndaydreams @linlinaert @caitlyn98s @stolasisyourparent @queenmea604 @diorrxluvskz @noellllslut @queen-in-the-shadows @antoniorhinothethird @chaotic-world-of-the-j @its-hannjisung @myprwttyhan

#please don't cry #hannie is my favorite human #stray kids #skz #han jisung #i love him #loml #hannie #stray kids gif #stray kids han #han jisung gifs #Han Jisung gif #han jisung angst #han jisung drabbles #han jisung imagines #han jisung x y/n #han jisung x reader #han jisung x you

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lilquokka04 · 11 months

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❤️‍🩹I'm Proud of You❤️‍🩹

-warnings-angst, hannie crying

-wc-913

Oh shit.

You were watching Stray kids perform their new song but realized that Han wasn't looking too happy towards the end, causing panic to stir in your chest.

Shit, shit, shit

Unfortunately you had to wait for him backstage to be able to talk to him,although having Chan there was a big relief because you knew he would do everything he could to make him feel safe.

You practically counted the seconds til he could leave the stage and be away from the cameras and fans.

The second the members started to leave the stage you were sprinting out the room and down the hall to meet them.

When you finally found them you could see several members crowded in front of Han trying to calm him down.

Your expression cracked and you immediately felt like crying seeing the way he was sobbing and trying to control his breathing.

"Hannie!" You called out as you walked towards the group. Once the members noticed you they moved away from the sobbing boy, giving you both some room.

As Chan walked by you could see the relief on his face, he knew if anyone could comfort Han it would be you. When Han realized you were there he completely broke down, hyperventilating and hiccuping as he tried to wipe his tears away with his fists.

"Baby-" You closed the rest of the distance and wrapped him up in a hug, tucking his head against your chest and letting him use your shirt to cry on.

Tightening your grip on your trembling boyfriend, you place a gentle hand on the back of his head and rub soothing circles with your thumb, knowing he likes his hair being played with when he's upset.

"You're okay baby. I got you." You soothe, glancing up to see the members standing off to the side with worried expressions on their face. Luckily there is no one else in the hallway right now but you know it won't stay that way for long. Knowing Han won't be able to tell you anything you beckon the leader over.

"How long until you guys are needed back up there?"

He bites his lip and glances at Han.

"20 minutes at most, but we need to have our hair and makeup touched up before then."

You feel Han's grip tighten at the mention of having to go back in a room full of staff and have people questioning him. You reassuringly rub a hand up and down his back as you leave a quick peck to his head.

"I'm not leaving you." Your murmur into his hair.

"I'll take him to a separate room and clean up his makeup before you have to go back on stage."

Chan blows out a nervous breath and nods before walking off to the rest of the group.

Once the members leave you lead your boyfriend off to an empty room so he can relax and collect himself before he has to go back on stage.

☆☆☆

You rock back and forth with Han in your lap, his head tucked into your neck as his tears have long since soaked through the material of your shirt. Placing a small kiss to his temple you reach over and grab a tissue, gently wiping his tears away and dabbing at the liquid that's collected above his lip.

He scrunches up his face as you wipe some of his mucus away, feeling embarrassed but too tired to really care.

You giggle at his expression and peck his nose, then his forehead, glad to see him feeling a little better.

Glancing at the clock, you pick up the makeup bag Chris brought earlier and open it up, grabbing the foundation and a light eyeshadow to hide the fact that his eyes are puffy.

He sits there in silence as you redo his makeup, playing with the bracelets on your wrist and occasionally letting out a giggle here and there when you plant a kiss to his nose.

When you finish you set everything on the counter and gently stand up, forcing Han to get up as well.

"It's just to announce the winner, okay? It won't be for more than 15 minutes."

He looks up and gives you a small smile before glancing back down at the floor, not really reassuring you but you both know he doesn't have a choice.

"You can do this Hannie, and you will have the members right there with you. Afterwards we can stay in your room the whole day. I'll order your favorite food and we can watch anime together."

Your boyfriend gives one last sniffle but nods, and that will have to be good enough for now because you're out of time. You walk him out the door and his members quickly check him over before whisking him off to the stage once more.

☆☆☆

You watch him through the monitor the whole time and eagerly greet him when he gets back.

He definitely seems to be feeling better now but more relieved than anything that he's done with people and cameras for the day. He quickly says his byes to the members and rushes over to embrace you once more. You breathe out a sigh of relief that he can finally go home and you can properly take care of him.

"See? I knew you could do it."

#I am not totally sure what happened but it hurts to see him cry 💔💔💔#Hopefully he is doing better now and has rime to relax and destress #I just really wanted to be able to comfort him so I wrote this❣#We love you hannie #I am proud of you🧡🧡🧡#Skz imagines #Skz fluff #Weloveyouhan #skz reactions #Han fluff #Han reactions #Han imagines #Anxiety is a bitch but you did so well ❤️‍🩹

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