#Emily Nagoski

[magpie-to-the-morning]

“No girl is born hating her body or feeling ashamed of her sexuality. You had to learn that. No girl is born worried that she’ll be judged if someone finds out what kind of sex she enjoys. You had to learn that, too. You have to learn, as well, that it is safe to be loved, safe to be your authentic self, safe to be sexual with another person, or even safe to be on your own.

Some women learn these things in their families of origin. But even if you learned destructive things, you can learn different things now. No matter what was planted in your garden, no matter how you’ve been tending it, you are the gardener. You didn’t get to choose your little plot of land—your accelerator and your brakes and your body—and you didn’t get to choose your family or your culture, but you do choose every single other thing. You get to decide what plants stay and what plants go, which plants get attention and love and which are ignored, pruned away to nothing, or dug out and thrown on the compost heap to rot. You get to choose.”

- Come As You Are, Emily Nagoski

#Come As You Are #Emily Nagoski #Sex positivity #Body positivity

[jesusinstilettos]

Ex-evangelical right of passage: reading “Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski and realizing you wish you could’ve just… enjoyed sex and your body sooner. Because it’s actually fun and normal and not an existential threat

#deconstruction #ex christian #ex evangelical #agnosticatheist #agnostic #deconstructing christianity #exevangelical #ex religious #come as you are #emily nagoski

[scarleteenconfidential]

Women & Children First is thrilled to present Emily Nagoski in conversation with Heather Corinna to celebrate the release of Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connection. This ticketed, off-site event will be held as a benefit for Scarleteen.

This ticketed event will be held off-site at Chicago Waldorf School (5200 N Ashland Ave). Masks are required.

#chicago #events #sex ed #emily nagoski #books

[averwonders]

how long should i wait? later is too late.

Navillera (2021) Episode 5

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Tom Stoppard, SHIPWRECK: THE COAST OF UTOPIA Part II

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Extraordinary Attorney Woo (2022) Episode 9: The Pied Piper

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N.O by BTS 방탄소년단 (trans. doolsetbangtan)

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Eileen Caddy

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Makarand Kaprekar, To Race Or Not to Race, That is the Question

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“The reality is: there will always be more work. From our jobs and owning businesses, to being a manager of our families and our homes - there will always be more work. It never goes away. We never escape from the responsibilities that life presents us. But one of our main responsibilities should be ourselves, after all, there's only one of us anyway.”

Vanessa Autrey, The Art of Balancing Burnout

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[Verse 4]

I used to think I'd be done by twenty

Now at twenty-nine, the road ahead appears the same

Though maybe at thirty, I'll see a way to change

That I'm living for the knife

Working for the knife by Mitski

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cutout from Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson for April 17, 1988

Class of 2013 by Mitski

#web weaving #later is too late #academic pressure #lost childhood #lost youth #live right now #waiting for a better time #lost time #quotes #poetry #literature #words #navillera #shim eunho #tom stoppard #extraordinary attorney woo #bts #eileen caddy #bill watterson #emily nagoski #vanessa autrey #mitski #jess c. scott #makarand kaprekar #dark academia #parallels #rat race #burnout #live life now #bangtan sonyeondan

[mschocolateworld]

Nie mów nigdy samej sobie czegoś, czego nie powiedziałabyś swojej przyjaciółce lub córce.

Emily Nagoski

#emily nagoski

[newpathpride]

I’ve been reading Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski. The first few chapters about brakes and accelerators and context, etc didn’t resonate so much for me being a person who so rarely experiences sexual attraction and desire. But then I got to the chapter about our sex-negative culture, and wow!

I already knew it, but man, did my mother mess me up. She did everything wrong, and I’m sure she received the same growing up. My relationship with sex could have been so much better my whole life instead of filled with shame and confusion, only further deranged by the fact that I didn’t know asexuality was a real and valid thing.

No girl is born hating her body or feeling ashamed of her sexuality. You had to learn that. No girl is born worried that she’ll be judged if someone finds out what kind of sex she enjoys. You had to learn that, too. You have to learn, as well, that it is safe to be loved, safe to be your authentic self, safe to be sexual with another person, or even safe to be on your own.

#come as you are #emily nagoski

[rofax]

this quote has been bouncing around my head since i first read it a few days ago

#ro talks #art #come as you are #emily nagoski #gonna hang this up in my bathroom so every time i look in the mirror and try to mean to myself #i see this

[maaarine]

Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life (Emily Nagoski, 2015)

"As we saw in chapter 1, the clitoris is Grand Central Station for erotic sensation.

The dominance of the clitoris in women’s orgasms explains why 80–90 percent of women who masturbate typically do so with little or no vaginal penetration, including when they use vibrators. (…)

Now, if penetrative orgasms are comparatively uncommon, why do women ask about it so often? Why is it so often viewed as “the right way to orgasm”?

And the answer is, of course, “Ugh, patriarchy.” Men-as-default again.

Centuries of male doctors and scientists—Freud is often pointed to as a key offender here, and rightly so—claimed that orgasms from vaginal stimulation are the right, good, normal kind, and clitoral orgasms are “immature.”

But it’s men-as-default in a different way from how it worked with arousal and desire.

Culture sanctions spontaneous desire as the “expected” kind of desire because that’s how men experience desire, and culture sanctions concordant arousal as the expected kind of arousal because that’s how men experience arousal . . .

but if women’s expected kind of orgasm is whatever men experience, then that should be clitoral stimulation, since anatomically the clitoris is the homologue of the penis.

To say that women should have orgasms from vaginal penetration is anatomically equivalent to saying that men should have orgasms from prostate or perineal stimulation.

Certainly many men can orgasm from that kind of stimulation, but we don’t judge them if they don’t, and they don’t usually wonder if they’re broken if they don’t.

So apparently, according to cultural myth, women should be just like men—with concordant arousal and spontaneous desire—right up until we actually start having intercourse, and then we’re supposed to function in an exclusively female way, orgasming from a behavior that also happens to get men off very reliably."

#come as you are #emily nagoski #book #weaker sex

[ceooftheshitshow]

“Emotions are tunnels. You have to go all the way through the darkness to get to the light at the end.”

Credit: Emily Nagoski

#emily nagoski #emotions #darkness

[chapterchapterbook]

When you find a gift card to Barnes and Noble, you make a trip to Barnes and Noble! Burnout and Oryx and Crake were purchased from Bookshop.org when I got some books for school. Listen. Do I have too many books on my physical TBR? Yes. Does that change the fact that my go to retail therapy is books? No. Am I going to put myself on a book buying ban until I can make some room on my shelves? Maybe.

#bookblr #book blog #bookish #so many books so little time #book haul #book #books #adult fiction #rabbits #terry miles #children of time #adrian tchaikovsky #the devil crept in #Ania ahlborn #oryx and crake #margaret atwood #cultish #amanda montell #burnout #emily nagoski #Amelia nagoski #nonfiction #science fiction #horror #dystopia #chapterchapterbook

[magpie-to-the-morning]

Sex-negative culture has trained us to be self-critical and judgmental about our bodies and our sexualities, and it’s interfering with our sexual wellbeing.

- Come As You Are, Emily Nagoski

#👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻 #Come As You Are #Emily Nagoski #Sex positivity #Sex positive

[uzumaki-rebellion]

Writerly Things # 2369 or whateva...

For those of you interested in filling your writing mind with more information to make you better at your craft (especially if you write a lot of sex), I was organizing my Kindle non-fiction books and forgot I had this gem in my collection.

Now in my Black Panther fics I can write a lot of exaggerated trysts, however, when I am writing romance books with high heat to sell, I have to dig down into reality a little bit more. Ever since I was a teenager, I have always been interested in studying sexuality and I've collected books over the years from erotica to BDSM/Kink etc.

"Come as You Are" is an eye-opening read. It's been a minute since I cracked it open when it came out in 2015, but it's worth a perusal.

From the blurb:

An essential exploration of why and how women’s sexuality works—based on groundbreaking research and brain science—that will radically transform your sex life into one filled with confidence and joy. Researchers have spent the last decade trying to develop a “pink pill” for women to function like Viagra does for men. So where is it? Well, for reasons this book makes crystal clear, that pill will never be the answer—but as a result of the research that’s gone into it, scientists in the last few years have learned more about how women’s sexuality works than we ever thought possible, and Come as You Are explains it all. The first lesson in this essential, transformative book by Dr. Emily Nagoski is that every woman has her own unique sexuality, like a fingerprint, and that women vary more than men in our anatomy, our sexual response mechanisms, and the way our bodies respond to the sexual world. So we never need to judge ourselves based on others’ experiences. Because women vary, and that’s normal. Second lesson: sex happens in a context. And all the complications of everyday life influence the context surrounding a woman’s arousal, desire, and orgasm. Cutting-edge research across multiple disciplines tells us that the most important factor for women in creating and sustaining a fulfilling sex life, is not what you do in bed or how you do it, but how you feel about it. Which means that stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman’s sexual wellbeing; they are central to it. Once you understand these factors, and how to influence them, you can create for yourself better sex and more profound pleasure than you ever thought possible. And Emily Nagoski can prove it.

Check it out!

#writerly things #Uzumaki rebellion writes #Writing craft #Come as you are #emily nagoski #sexuality #female sexuality

[aspens-library]

Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

This is hands down the most important book I have read so far this year. At this point I am convinced that I am in love with Nagoski. She is a sex educator and writes boring information in a way that is not hard to consume. I learned so much from this book even though it focuses primarily on cishet allosexual women. The science of women’s sexuality was incredibly intriguing, and I found a lot of things I can apply to my own life (like, in my opinion, the dual control model is not a “cishet women only” thing, it is something a lot of people can use to understand their desires). I would love to see Nagoski expand in the future on trans sexuality as well as queer sexuality and asexuality, however as she mentions in the book, science is doing very little to explore those things right now. 

#booklr #book recommendations #book blogger #reading #emily nagoski #sexuality #book review

[what-even-is-sleep]

Queerly annotating my copy of Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, Ph. D (revised and updated) :D

[Begin ID: pencilled in the margins of a picture of Dr. Nagoskis book, words read, “i’m not afab or amab, I’m…” an arrow points to the typed word, “prefab.” End ID]

#hehehe I’m nonbinary so I’m ‘prefab’ #pretty fabulous!! #hehehe #read more for my tags that I think are kindof hot takes #mypost #come as you are #emily nagoski #readblr #annotating the book queerly meaning: writing my lil nonbinary thoughts in the margins about how the book is SO CLOSE to being queer- #friendly #perhaps even quoting queer theory #SO CLOSE #I keep crossing out ‘female’ and ‘male’ when they’re not needed to understand the sentence #or like crossing out ‘genetically’ in the phrase ‘genetically female’ to replace it with ‘socially known as’ #(so it reads: ‘socially known as female’) #hehehehe #my mom’s already misgendering me enough this stay!! I will not let gender box my again- especially not in my own mind as I read such binary #phrases in a book meant for exploration #bookblr #books

[outstanding-quotes]

I thought that love would just be like being me, plus knowing that if I’m bleeding to death somebody will call an ambulance. But it’s more than that. I see myself in his eyes, and I find new ways to know and love myself, at the same time that I find new ways to know and love him, and then I know and love us and what we are together, which is this thing beyond what either of us is.

Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski, burnout: the secret to unlocking the stress cycle

#emily nagoski #Amelia Nagoski #burnout: the secret to unlocking the stress cycle #psychology #love #romance #connection #quote #getting to know #self love #love for others #relationship

[newpathpride]

A few more quotes from Come as You Are that resonated with me even as an asexual spectrum person. There is a big focus on trust and safety in the chapter about desire. And trust is what was always missing in my marriage - I didn’t trust him, I didn’t feel safe, and those should have been huge red flags…🚩

Problematic dynamics emerge when partners have different levels of desire and they believe that one person’s level of desire is “better” than the other person’s.

Without the dread of “Ugh, what if this perfectly pleasant kiss turns into an expectation of sex that I still don’t want?” both of you can relax and enjoy the physical intimacy you do share.

I have seen no more powerful key to treating “problems” with desire than to understand that it is normal not to want sex you don’t like.

Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski

#come as you are #emily nagoski