#I don't even want to be here

[goodbyetoromance]

trying to get used to the reality that good things will never ever happen to me again lol

#i don't even want to be here

[inkskinned]

the problem is that being single is seen as the consolidation prize, and not the natural neutral state of being-a-person. at the end of the movie or the book or the poetry, there is a person waiting for you at the altar, and they love you. if the play is a comedy, everyone gets married. the metaphor is about how you are not-whole. the metaphor is about how everyone is going to be happily-ever-after. the metaphor is that romantic love is the most important resource on the planet, not just all-love. all-love is not a thing, that is a disappointment. the treasure is not the friends we made along the way. the treasure is the girl you landed.

the metaphor is that you cannot be alone, that means you are broken. are you getting over someone? that is acceptable, you can be getting over someone, but not for long. you must be single because you would rather not be single. you must be single and looking to not-be-single. you must want to date, eventually.

friendship and community are never seen as being equal-to or even-better than romantic connection. that person is your one! you need to find them. you need to hunt through the sand particles until you can shift out some kind of gem. this is regardless to your own experience of the beach and the sun. you need to be somewhere with someone.

if you are taking this time alone to heal, that is so sad. everyone gives you this little pitying look. the understanding is that you are not actually happier than you were before you were single. it is seen as a sort of pity - oh, you are choosing yourself, making yourself the priority? - that isn't quite right. you must mean that you are making yourself ready for the right person. you are just laying the bed better this time. open up your heart. you'll find them, we promise!

what do you mean you're really-truly genuinely-very happy? you are probably misremembering what it was like to be in a relationship. and besides, once you meet your person, that time will look grey and bland and wasted. your person is the only way for you to see in color. so what if you have taken this time - for the first time in your entire life - to actually-for-real do the fucking work. you can be proud of yourself, sure. but the way we need to know that you got better is that you get a partner. you're healed enough for the next bad part!

people don't choose to be single, they just say they're choosing to be single - they actually mean "nobody wants to date me." it doesn't matter how many people you have gently rejected or how many times you've talked it over carefully in therapy. what matters is that you are single, and by all accounts - that means you are something worth our pity. your successes and life all seem pale in the sunlight. sure, you have done amazing things and finally found your way in life. what matters is that there wasn't a person in the room with you while you did it.

you want to tell them - that's the whole thing. i didn't know how to be alone in the room. i didn't know how to handle the silence. every moment was so sharp, and i kept choosing the wrong way to close the door. i have spent my entire life in the empty well, living in the ricochet of someone else's cruelty. for once i have built myself a ladder. for once everything i taste is all mine, every bite of sunshine and laughter. i have learned how to sleep out in the open with my memories. recently, they have started to purr.

your father rolls his eyes. listen. this isn't about you. i just want a grandchild in my future.

#writeblr #i actually didn't want a girlfriend before nat #and my dad recently said to me - raquel. i don't approve of the promiscuity #1. i am 30. #2. i had casually dated about 4 people over 18 months. #3. i do believe he was just mad that i get more girls than he ever did #i had to look this 60 yr old deacon in the eye and say. okay so i have a girlfriend first of all im just not tellin yall about her #and secondly. #OKAY???? OLD MAN I DONT EVEN LIVE HERE WHAT ARE U GONNA DO ABOUT IT #briefly considered asking nat if i could pretend we were a one night stand kind of a thing

[mingyusbinch]

REST IN PEACE, DEAR MOONBIN (1998-2023)

#moonbin #astro #moon bin #i don't want to be here right now honestly i just wanted my last post about moonbin to be the ones where hes smiling as my last memory #it kills me to see my posts reblogged with sad messages now #and i still can't believe this news either #i've been mia anyway but now im even less inclined to go on tumblr rn #im so sorry for everyone including family/friends of bin #and himself but i cant think about that bc it will break me apart #rest in peace bin i'll miss you more than anything

[buglaur]

🌾 who're you romancing? 6/12

#ts4 #sims 4 #stardew valley #sdv #it's 3am and i can't sleep so heres this even though i wanted to post all 12 together lol #remake of my first ever post sort of! swapped out alex and leah 💀 #hope i didn't do ur fav dirty #think i nailed my harvey though #in my head emily and haley dye their hair. don't know the canon on that #gave shane an uneven shave #wanted to give abi more piercings but ran out of slots 😢 #sebs frog earring 🥹 #goodnight hopefully i fall asleep soon 🫠

[chattematsu]

[4.0 archon quest spoilers]

#genshin impact #genshin impact fanart #fontaine #childe #lumine #lyney #Lynette #Okay before you'll say BUT THEY HID IMPORTANT INFORMATION IT MAKES THEM BETRAYALS listen yo listen thanks a lot!!!! #And before CHILDE IS OUR CLOSE FRIEND WE KNOW HIM FOR ETERNITY SO IT'S OBVIOUS WE TRUST HIM AND GET DISAPPOINTED IN SIBLINGS #I made it JUST FOR IRONY not any negative in any ot these characters #These events were pretty close in quest and it looked pretty strange (for me) #Even after trial traveller was pretty rude with characters who didn't have any odd intentions and it made me think in that way #Maybe writers wanted to make traveller more emotional than earlier but it looked very strange (for me again) #Bro it were the longest tags i ever made here but it's just for clearing the air #Btw don't take it serious #Ofc you can disagree with me and that's okay!!! It's just little note for making clear some things

[deep-space-lines]

okay but like. I just had the weirdest thought about that ‘don’t look I’m naked’ comic. Which is that that’s essentially the same thing Adam and Eve did after they ate the fruit of knowledge of good&evil. So I feel like the theological implications of that could kneecap Gabe if he doesn’t think V1 is a being with free will.

yeah ok. i dunno man. is this anything

((side note. this isn’t necessarily meant to be in-character or story-accurate or take place at any particular point in time, just a way to explore some Thoughts. i was also imagining more that V1’s words aren't actually spoken, more like Gabriel’s more articulate interpretation of whatever garbled mechanical noise V1 is using to communicate. I think an angel could do that.))

and then they fucked nasty the end

#my art #my writing #who fuckin sent this. fuck you. come off anon so i can kick your ass. (the thoughts this ask sparked consumed almost 3 days of my life) #i dont know what this even is #i just work here #disclaimer i don't come from a particularly religious background so like. #most of my knowledge of christianity comes from when my mom sent me to vbs for cheap babysitting in middle school or absorbed via osmosis #so i have no idea what im talking about except for when i do! hope this helps #i love how i say that like i expect biblical scholars to tear apart my ultrakill gay fanfiction #if you are a biblical scholar and you want to tear apart my ultrakill gay fanfiction please know i am not going to read the bible for this #ultrakill #v1 ultrakill #gabriel ultrakill #gabv1el #blood #love tagging ultrakill stuff with blood. hmm yes the floor here is made out of floor

[sykloni]

Dannymay 2023

15. Full Hazmat AU & 23. Rogue Gallery

#danny phantom #dannymay2023 #full hazmat au #rogue gallery #(the thing I love about full hazmat au is that unless Danny shows his face) #(it would be totally reasonable to assume that he is an adult) #(especially if you don't want to believe a child beat you) #comic #(just gonna add this here since it seems to be coming up a lot) #(This is not a fan art of any specific fic!) #(When I do fanart of fanfiction I always link the fic and tag the person who wrote it) #(I know this is not that original idea and people have already linked multiple good fics in reblogs) #(And I'm sure there are probably even more with similar concept) #(BUT this is still not fanart of any of them)

[spidersinmyspaghetti]

watched a boy get on all fours and bark today tried to bite me hows your day?

#wtf #i don't even want to be here #i'm going home #fuck this #school stories

[enduracarrotchips]

out of touch ...

#cant take this seriously w the song playing in my head #saw an edit of them w it and wondered if the creator did it with or without the knowledge of out of touch thursday #i don't even go here. drew them bcs i wanted to print a poster :// #consistency? i don’t know her #chainsaw man #csm #aki hayawaka #angel devil #akiangel

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Bros before Ho(oh my god is that Hanguang-Jun?)

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #jiang cheng #WWX really was unhinged for saying he was going to always be at JC's side and then immediately asking about LWJ. #The D in ADHD stands for Distractible. The second D stands for DooowawawaWaaaah (ADHDers know what I mean) #Their conversation is such a knife twist in this flashback. WWX truly and genuinely does mean it when he says he wants to support JC #And that JC hopes for that too! Tragedies hit the hardest when you can feel the lost futures characters would have together #And I feel it here in this scene so painfully. There's complicated feelings between them but it wasn't what broke them apart. #The rumours and the twisted family dynamics that tried to pit them against each other likely wouldnt have worked. #It set the stage for JC to have an inferiority complex which then grows into his responsibility complex. #WWX even calls it out! That JC has to be the responsible one in the dynamic. #And it sucks to be in that unequal position with a sibling or a not-sibling. #You don't get the love *or* acknowledgement but you do get the pressure to be the 'better one' in the face of the other's misbehaviour. #But I digress. There was a world where they did became the twin heroes of yunmeng jiang and stayed together. #And we'll never see it. That world is gone now. And just like Lotus pier -even if they tried to rebuild it - they will never be the same.

[greencarnation]

eleven is fascinating to me because he came right off the back of tens horrible traumatic breakdown after he lost everything and he immediately tried to establish himself as the opposite of that. he is funny and goofy and almost childlike, and he bulldozes on in his adventures with amy like nothing happened at all. but then something happens and his masks slips and it's like oh! the core of this man is still anger. he is so so angry all of the time and this façade is the only thing stopping him from being consumed by it. he isn't over any of it and he hasn't moved on. he is wearing a fez and laughing but under that all that exists is age old anger and grief and it is going to consume him

#i do think that this pit of anger was eventually covered and soothed by the ponds #but he didn't adress it and he couldn't even look at it until he was twelve #when he stopped pushing back and repressing everything and finally allowed himself to exist as he was #but ok listen #its all layed out in the first 3 episodes of season 5 and in the way amy sees him #episode 1. here is the new doctor he is energetic and reeling and fun #episode 2. the space whale comparison. here is the new doctor. he is unthinkably ancient and almost godlike but he is so so kind #and patient and good. he is ancient and lonely but he can't stand to see children cry. so the doctor helps people #episode 3. daleks. the doctor is a soldier. these are his age old enemies. he wants them dead and he will stop at nothing #all logic and reason vanish. he is hitting the dalek with a pipe and yelling his head off while amy watches in horror #like obviously we know why but amy didnt #this is not a sane or rational man he is unstable and angry #and in that episode he was stripped back to what he largely is: hate #you would make a good dalek ect ect ect #anyway 3 episodes with 3 very distinct and equally definitely traits layed out like: here you go #i don't like elevens era much but those first 3 episodes were great #doctor who #eleven #amy #eleventh doctor #matt smith #dr who #dw #i mean idk this is what river literally had to spell out for him #eleven was careening completely out of control #how long til doctor means warrior indeed? #mine

[teaboot]

I'm so goddamn oblivious all the time and sometimes someone pokes their head into my bubble to let me know shit like "You know Kate from work hates your guts, right? She's always rolling her eyes and talking about u" And I wish I was the kinda person who didn't care but it genuinely just makes me sad cause. Like. Why?? I mind my business. I try to be kind and helpful. Hate and dislike takes up so much energy. Why are they using so much energy on me?? I don't even think about them. We never interact. I'm in a different department. They could never see me again if they decided they didn't wanna. And the whole time I thought they were nice. Can't we all just do our jobs and go home. Why it gotta be like this. Why is this everywhere. I don't wanna have beef with anyone I wanna read fantasy fiction and take a nap

#Vent post #I'm so tired #I have never wanted drama it's so pointless #Can't we just be polite #It doesn't seem hard #I don't even talk to anybody here

[inkskinned]

they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?

they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.

you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.

you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.

mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.

you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.

#writeblr #warm up #to be clear let me state again: i think you should id however you fucking want if it helps you seek peace #but there is a HUGE difference between being like '.... im undiagnosed but i think i might be X' #and a person who is like ''omg my intrusive thoughts made me buy a birkin!!!'' #babe mine made me throw up bc they disgusted me so much <3 #mine made me hurt myself evenly. even when i wanted to stop. i have had to put my hand on the stove MULTIPLE TIMES #and again i'd rather have 10000 people get help for something they don't need help for #than have 1 kid NOT get help #but there has GOTTTTT to be a middle ground here #bc at this point it isn't ''raising awareness'' #it's . fucking misinformation. and ''what this picture says about you!!!!!'' #& yes! im mostly talkin about ppl who are actually disgusted and offended by signs of mental illness #but use it to defend THEIR actions #like babe you hate when kids start yelling in the walmart? but you YOuRSELF can yell? #you are depressed so it's fine you were cruel to your spouse? #but if your spouse spends too much time in bed she's a lazy fuck? #your partner needs to do everything for you bc of your history in trauma? but when SHE has needs she's being clingy and gross? #HUGE difference here between whom i think most of my followers are btw. like #all it takes is fucking anyyyy empathy or kindness . like. #anyway it's hard to explain im hoping we all know the person im talking about lol

[your-turn-to-role]

moment of appreciation again for what is possibly my favourite later game percy quote that everyone always forgets about

(said to vex, of course)

#another thing tlovm hasn't touched on yet that i hope they do (bc next season would be a great place for it) - #both percy and vex struggle so much with anger issues and holding grudges #and the reason they work so well together is because literally a few minutes before their first kiss #they make a commitment to helping each other learn how to forgive even when it's hard - because that's the only way to grow #percy had orthax and vex had saundor both who fed on those impulses and tried to turn them into their worst selves #and they both could very easily have fallen to that! but they don't want to. so they're going to keep each other on the right track #and this is really the pinnacle of it #percy being able to recognise when he really wants to hurt someone and going hmm nope vex seems to be objective here im gonna listen to vex #cr1 #c1e99 #percy de rolo #vex'ahlia #perc'ahlia #cr thoughts

[willowwormwood]

#every time i hear that dialogue line im just imagining the hunter standing there like #buddy I don't even want me to be here #ashes of art #short comic #bloodborne #bloodborne hunter #hunter #bloodborne art #bloodborne fanart #soulsborne #fromsoft #fromsoftware #fromsoft fanart #digital art #oc art #character art #hunter oc #art #artwork #digital artwork #tumblr artist #artist #digital artist

[ceaseless-watchers-special-girl]

i'm... *inhales* happy you're happy

bullshit detector: BEEP

#tmagp #the magnus protocol #alice dyer #samama khalid #no fr why is he such a bitch in this scene. she's not even being unprofessional #i get that sam might want to set some boundaries but good god man you could've been a little gentler #alice baby you don't deserve this. come here let me give you a hug and smooches you don't need him