#I have other things coming in

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[teleportzz]

"bluntly honest" autism but in the sense that i absolutely cannot refrain from complimenting strangers if i like their earrings or their shirt or i think they have a friendly-sounding laugh or i think their art is beautiful or i think the fic they wrote portrays the characters so well. "bluntly honest" doesn't have to mean "mean". i love to tell people things that are kind and also true.

#i literally can't stop myself #if i have a compliment about something i have to say it #the other person has to know #i'll happily take the risk of coming off as weird or too friendly #audrey talks sometimes #actually autistic #autism #autistic things #autistic experiences #autistic spectrum

[egophiliac]

was gonna wait 'til I'd done all the poms, but it's been a day, so have Vil with a Salazzle 🍎

#art #twisted wonderland #poketwst #what are they plotting? you don't want to know. #sigh. once again the whole 'i don't wanna do more than two each' thing is coming back to bite me. #salazzle was the immediate obvious one and then there were like two or three others i was really torn between #(milotic is the other obvious-seeming choice but there were others i felt fit more in different ways and...yeah) #then i remembered i don't actually have to draw more than one pokemon so here we are #with the ✨QUEENS✨ #(me drawing salazzle's weird little feethands: heheheheh)

[transannabeth]

btw if you borrow dvds or cds from library you can rip them onto your own blanks or onto your hard drive or whatever. librarians don’t care and they won’t know if you do it or not

#not pjo #chitter chatter #library tag #when I was training as a page one librarian was showing us the music section #and was like people come in and take out a bunch of cds and rip them onto their phones and return them the next day #it’s materials moving in and out baby that’s all that matters #get yourself a library card #(not all libraries have a music and dvd/bluray section but it’s worth checking!) #(and get a library card even if you don’t use it) #(but check out your local library to see what they do offer bc there’s lots of programs and other things too) #(not every public library is perfect but you can help influence it to make it the space you want) #100

[etchif]

Jesus imagine if we confirm the existence of extraterrestrial life the Taxonomy would be insane

#what would that field of study be called. Xenobiology? #edit im not rewriting all this but apparently xenobiology is already an existing term for something else so. thats stupid #wed have different kingdoms too beside animalia fungi and those others like whole new kingdoms!! #would we lump all et lifeforms into one kingdom despite them coming from different planets (kinda like the Carnivora thing. a bit) #just to come to the conclusion that thats stupid #Another edit i meant carnosauria. not carnivora #idk man its such an interesting concept to think about #what would the confirmation of et life mean for biology as a field of study

[welcometogrouchland]

[ID in ALT] I've made posts before about Talia/Dick co-parenting Damian moments (will never happen but let me dream) and this came to me in a vision. Took me ages to finish for some reason 😭 and then even longer to post

#dc comics #dc #damian wayne #dick grayson #talia al ghul #batfamily #dc robin #nightwing #anyway. yes im a self-indulgent ''dick as damians secret third parent'' truther #like i DO think it's way more complex and nuanced than the schmoopy affectionate fan portrayal of it #they're brothers they're father and son they're partners they're the dynamic duo except only in past tense etc etc #but consider! I'm not immune to schmoopy affection in fanworks. it compells me despite itself #anyway it's technically not that crazy when it comes to dick and damian. they hug! often! at least they did #it's not as big a leap to these types of scenarios #also talia ''somewhat absent for complex reasons on both her and damians part but very loving and loved by her son'' al ghul #you will always be famous to me #son of the demon origin...bwahhh #anyway. someone made a comic kind of like this/like a post i made abt this topic #but way funnier bc dick and talia starting trying to beat each other up #so go look at that as well #anyway. it's been a somewhat difficult few weeks so I'm. desperately trying to take it easy #i got some reading with me (first vol of kevin smiths GA run that i found second hand and jaimes BB run vol 2!) #so we'll see how far i get through those. considering there's demons in my head telling me to re-read things (LET ME OUT!!!) #when i finish GA and BB i do plan on rereading robin 2021. as a treat to myself #it's a run I've really warmed up to as time went on #I'm keeping up w/ the current b&r run even though it is. admittedly very slow w/ some weird dialogue #i read it for the damian content more than anything. also nikas back so that's neat :] #idk I have a feeling that after absolute power shakes out we might get some more creative team switch ups #so if anyone at dc is interested in taking over the reigns on b&r...that could be very neat #(it's me they should hire me. please DC i have ideas listen to my red hood pitch PLEASE-)

[bluegiragi]

holding back (part 2)

early access + nsfw on patreon

#just captain/lieutenant things #ghost and price are an on-and-off-again thing #they take care of each other when it comes up #and sometimes to just relieve stress #they have shared trauma from the loss of price's wing #and simon's whole...wraith business #they've known each other for a long time #and were getting closer before simon's incident but afterwards sort of hurtled into each other #it was really intense and co-dependent for a while but it's levelled out now #one day i will do an explanation post on all the dynamics of poly 141 in this au #in the meantime just enjoy price taking care of his hoard #monster 141 au #ghostprice #captain john price #simon ghost riley #cod mw2 #giragi art

[withdenim]

Local man desperately trying to stop the cycle before it gets to his kids (it’s already there)

#with great power comes You Are Still A Child. Be A Child. Do Not Kill This Part Of Yourself Because You Think I Won’t Love You If You Don’t #‘there comes a time when we all must grow up’ and that time has no obligation to come at 15 #ninjago #lego ninjago #my art #lloyd garmadon #dragons rising #ninjago lloyd #ninjago sora #lloyd and sora have so many fuckinf parallels man I’m crazy #they keep doing the same things they keep being like each other #that’s his kind of daughter TO ME

[casinocircus]

I've been thinking about that post that's like hey don't think autism is destigmatized irl just because there's memes on this website about "my autism beam" or whatever and Ykw?? Guys, it's not even hard to see how much people still love dogging on autistic people for being "weird" all over the entire internet! Even on here!! A lot of people still see us as the people they're allowed to bully for no reason, and while I'm glad there's been some positive change over the years, we still need to work towards getting people to unpack why they think some people are ok targets, and how most of the time it's ableism.

#casinos whining hour #ableism #autism #asd #hell even im guilty of this to an extent and have to catch myself and ask why i think someones behavior is 'funny' #like if its coming from an ok place or not or if i need to examine further #a lot of things we picked up when we were younger was from copying other people to fit in and that came with stuff we need to do away with

[theygender]

The more I learn about judaism the more I wonder where tf christianity got all its bad shit. Why is divorce a sin in christianity when judaism has recognized the right to divorce for nearly a millennia and has codified religious laws for it. Why does christianity consider sex to be dirty (to the point where puritans considered it a sin to enjoy having sex with your own spouse) when in judaism it's considered holy and it's a literal mitzvah to have sex with your spouse on the sabbath. Why does christianity consider it a sign that you're faithless if you question your religion when in judaism that's considered an essential part to developing your faith. I'm probably stating the obvious here but I still can't get over the fact that there's no historical basis to any of this shit before christianity started, it's like christians just said "hey guys what if we took the torah and built a new religion around it but this time it was actively hostile to human life"

#rambling #disclaimer this isnt about individual christians im speaking about the religious trauma i experienced in my own life etc etc #these are just a few examples that I've noticed but they're definitely something #the part about sex in particular shocked me bc sex is pretty much viewed as actively evil in a lot of christian denominations #like you should only do it to create children and if you take pleasure in it (even if its with your own spouse) youre a dirty sinner #there arent as many examples like this nowadays but if you read puritan laws about sex it's like #you're allowed to have sex with your wife basically 10 times a year but you have to be fully clothed with the lights off #and you cant have sex on a holiday or a sunday and you cant touch each other and you have to try as hard as possible to hate it #literally WHERE did that mindset come from?? like for real #in judaism having sex with your spouse is basically considered a celebration of everything holy #and if you have sex on the sabbath (the holiest day in the jewish calendar—above every holiday) #its considered TWICE as holy #make it make sense #this is one of the things people mean when they say that lumping judaism in with christianity as 'abrahamic' religions is meaningless #theyre literally nothing alike #the only similarity is the torah but thats only half of the christian bible and one third of the jewish one #AND christianity interprets most of it completely differently from how judaism does #im tired #greatest hits #hall of fame

[secondbeatsongs]

hey, don't cry

tumblr is the new pdf! ok?

#tumblr #tumblr is the new pdf #personal #sbs rambles #art #idk what other tag to put this under but this is definitely a thing I made #the big blue rectangle is 2013-era tumblr blue #the dark blue triangle and text shadow are the current ''true blue'' #and the lines and blue corner are what we call ''classic blue'' or ''old blue'' but at 69% opacity #(nice) #in this way I have combined all the eras of tumblr into one #so that I might imagine #just for a moment #that .tumblr is the new portable document format #thank you for coming to my ted talk #graphic design is my passion #anyway hey remember that time yahoo said they wanted to make tumblr ''the new pdf'' #wild #bizarre thing to say #but hey #I think it could still happen #we just have to believe

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

oh right, technically i sell t-shirts

i forgot about that

#holidays are coming up and it would make a terrible gift #that's the main selling point #anyways these exist and can be exchanged for legal tender #the cost is the listed price + the emotional expense of knowing that i am judging u #bc i am. i am judging u #why would u want this. why would u exchange currency for this #there are so many other things you could exchnage currency for instead #a grocery store shrimp platter for instance #with the nauseatingly red cocktail sauce that is SO much better than a t shirt any time #hmm chicken picatta at a local Italian Eatery perchance? i am. a big fan of anything picatta #oh oh i know! 3.6 POUNDS OF FRESH OKRA #FOR THE COST OF THIS FRIVOLOUS T SHIRT U COULD INSTEAD PURCHASE 3.6 POUNDS OF FRESH DELICIOUS OKRA #and then --hold on i have a recipe--and then what u do is #so it is basically sacrilege to suggest this but what u do is u skip the cornmeal entirely #my southern ancestors are shaking a wooden spoon at me right now but LISTEN. u skip. the gotdang. cornmeal #instead: wash chop and soak (for 10 min) the okra in a mixture of 1 egg to tblsp water #then coat in flour #THATS IT JUST FLOUR #No cornmeal. i am betraying my heritage rn but I'm RIGHT #coat in flour sprinkle liberally in S&P and FRY that suck in veg oil high heat #until crispy & brown & u hear your arteries clenching in apprehension #so. so yeah #that's what u should do instead of buying this shirt go fry the shit out of some okra #(but buy local and young & tender if u can bc the grocery store is full of old-and-therefore-super-stiff specimens #pro tip (aka grandma tip): if u can't chop okra smoothly with your normal cutting knife then it's too old and tough. #...i mean u probably CAN still fry the shit out of it I've certainly done that before it's just much less delicious #ANYWAY. anyway ANYWAY. shirt. okra. farmers market. that reminds me of a post i made back when we first started selling these dang shorts #shirts. shorts shorts. oh shit i should make a crop top option. #i. i don't Know How to make a crop top option #HUH . . . i need to lie down now and contemplate the constant and irreconcilable limitations of the human experience good night

[olasketches]

two sides of the same coin

#itadori yuuji #ryomen sukuna #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #my art #jujutsu kaisen fanart #brainrot incoming (pls don’t mind me) #one thing sukuna and yuuji have in common is that they’re both absolutely miserable #sukuna is utterly selfish and yet it only made him hollow inside and now he’s just killing time waiting for death to come #yuuji is completely selfless and yet it’s only made him suffer and bc of that he’s been constantly trying to check out of life #and I think the funniest but also the most painful thing about these two is that… #despite that they’re vastly opposite they might be the only people that can understand each other the most #imagine them having a heart to heart lol maybe then they would realise some things about themselves

[inkskinned]

you have to be sexy but you have to be sexy in a way that's kind of bloody. you learn this early because you are wearing a ruffled skirt and the snow around your ankles kicks little sand particles against your calves. baby's first catcall. welcome to sexiness! welcome to the eyesore of your own body!

you have to be sexy like high heels. like sculpted eyebrows. like lean stomach and highly treated hair. you have to be sexy like youth is sexy, which means you have to be sexy like boxtox and plastic. a 30 year old can be sexy but she's not going to be bloody, and they like the bloodiness of it. a 30 year old is sexy when she is a whiskey glass and a wooden desk.

but you need to be sexy like an open mouth. you need to be sexy like a bitten apple. like plucked skin and white-knuckling the waxing kit.

so sex is a performance, not an enjoyment. for a while, you just assumed everyone else was also in on the joke - nobody actually likes sex that much, right? like, some men probably do, but why would you? it is like a gender - your gender is sexy. your gender is the performance of sex. you are thigh highs and garter belts. which, to be fair, do make you feel sexy.

part of what does make sex good is that you can tell that other people want you, which means the performance of sexiness is both bloody and wanted, which is good, which means you are winning at having a body. being wanted is the prize. being wanted is the thing you are searching for, not hope. you think you are looking for a soft grave in easy loam, but that is bloody but not sexy. to be sexy you must be bloody like a red open sign. bloody like a handprint. this will make you wanted.

any wanted or unwanted body is subject to supply and demand, which is to say that the more demand, the better you are valued. you must be highly demanded to be valued. this is stated in matter-of-fact by some men. sometimes it is a priest that says it, and sometimes it is a podcaster, and sometimes it is the 45th president of the united states of america.

(if you do not have any experience with being told your value, i want you to grab the nearest bird to you and i want you to crush it into a thin paste in your hand. spit into the center, and then hold your fingers closed tight around it for days and days, long after the rot has set in. feel bones itch inside of your fist. this is only a fraction of what it actually feels like, but it will suffice for a moment.)

good sex feels like you have earned their desperation. you have earned your own value. for a while you operated under the understanding that everyone knew about the power structure, even him. that their desire to take you - the violence of it - means that you must desire to be caught. little prince, guardian fox - you would rather have cut your own arm off. you liked the secret, cunning little voice you keep tucked into a box. you think you are fucking me. i am not even here right now. you are fucking what i conned you into perceiving. this is a painting, not a person. dominion over the body before all things.

so you bend your body like a wheat shaft and learn the steps so perfectly that it almost seems graceful. (if you do not have experience faking your own connection to your body and sexuality, cut each of your articles of clothing just a little bit incorrectly. pour fishbones into each of your meals. this way, you will experience the average noon on a tuesday.)

you have to be sexy like light spilled over a desk, but not desperate. not a noose. you can't be sexy like an electric guitar, you are the acoustic. you have to be on top of the bull but you can't have control over the animal.

okay, okay. the little rabbit of your heart went to sleep so long ago that winter has ravaged your concept of the human soul. there's something very-bad inside you, something that has taken over, a little fetid and rabid animal, angry and hurting and willing to bite first.

oh but even that's a pain that's sexy. open your mouth. be careful not to let the canines show.

#spilled ink #writeblr #warm up #the reason i tag warm up on so much is bc often i write them between me doing other things so im mostly telling myself to come back and edi #bc i rarely have time to check for typos lol #this is partially about compulsory heterosexuality btw #and why it took me so long to realize im a lesbian #i just assumed sex wasn't really supposed to be that good #been reading feminist lit and u can always tell

[glassedplanets]

i am still soooo charmed by that one set of eyecatchers

#my art #zosan #one piece fanart #specifically as blue and i have been slowly working thru watching the raid on onigashima i have loved every time they do that thing where- #-they incorporate the motion of the scene into the motion of the first part of the eyecatcher #and then the other fist comes swinging w/ clownery lol #not specifically art for fic but like [anime villain glasses adjustment] i suppose i was thinking about my own Woeurke of Writinge... #ALSO in a very brief scrub-thru of some eps can you believe that you can literally only see part of sanji's shoulder in his yukata fit. #absolutely criminal. you can see the whole pattern when he's about to bitch out zoro re: hiyori but i had to guess at the pattern colors :^ #i also know that yukata patterns can be like... modern/traditional or Gendered or in/formal but i have no idea of the specifics..... #one piece tag

[lucabyte]

Taking pride in One's own appearance.

#you people are becoming my guinea pigs for my finally learning how to communicate information via comics. a thing ive needed to practice at #also BLEGH. YUCK. andrew hussie was right candy makes you sick. this is a little too saccharine for me. yeesh. let me get back to the meat. #isat #isat spoilers #in stars and time #in stars and time spoilers #isat fanart #in stars and time fanart #isat siffrin #isat loop #sifloop #doodlebyte #'let me get back to the meat' i say eyeing something similarly sickly in my sketches. at least it's mildly tormented as a counterbalance... #you people have no idea how much im having to stay my own hand. oh i can draw miserable nudity but the most basic of fluff? visceral #anyway i dont know the logistics of picking up a glass eye or where loop got money (besides pilfering from siffrin) & ive previously drawn #sif with a vague blank middle-grey eye as either being scarred over or a blank occular prosthesis put in quickly at the nearest town #i dont know that they'd have a glass eye during the game but considering prosthesis are reccomended to keep the skull etc from deforming #id imagine it would probably come up postgame as something to do now theyre not on a time limit trying to save the country #plus i assume that having it gouged at by a sadness wasnt exactly a clean wound by any measure #all this to say. idk i just wanted to get some information across in comic form to Test my Abilities #and we're far enough down now to say my absolute most wretchingly sweet fluff headcanon that actually inspired this #which is that i think siffrin gets into the habit of not wearing the eyepatch around loop so they kinda match. #and as a signifier to the other that they're letting their guard down around them. vulnerability etc. #just kinda wearing it around their neck so they don't lose it