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#I kept trying different grades and different schools and I realized the problem was me

lovelettersfromluna · 11 months

Text

☆ ★ Still Alive ☆ ★ {Ellie Williams x Reader}

Summary: Ellie Williams has been your best friend since the second grade, the two of you stuck by the hip since you were practically babies. What happens when she starts acting….strange all of a sudden?

an: Okay yes, I folded and I wrote an Ellie fic inspired by Jennifers body, it’s just 1000000x gayer, and a tiny bit different. Ellie is Jennifer and reader is Needy. That’s all I have to say. Just trust me, okay?

Warnings: SMUT! Buckle up bc this one is gonna be filthy, college!ellie and reader, angst, mean!ellie, angst bc your best friend is a basically a demon now, Ellie will kill anyone that crosses her sweet best friend, shy!reader, scissoring again bc it’s hot sue me idc, oral (r!receiving), fingering (r!receiving), I’m sorry but Ellie has fangs what do you want me to do? Let me know if I missed anything! (This isn’t proof read btw I’m sorry)

Part 2 can be read here!

Your best friend had been acting…strange

Ellie Williams had been your best friend since the first day of second grade. She spotted you immediately, her green eyes sparkling the second she caught eye of you swimming in the sea of second graders during recess. She made her way towards you, she told you how cool she thought your shoes were. To think someone as cool as she was thought that you were cool had almost felt like a joke in the beginning.

But it wasn’t a joke, and she had been by your side every day since. Even now that you were both in college together, she was with you.

Except, she wasn’t. Not right now at least. Ellie had been making herself scarce for about a week now, which was not at all like her. Even if she wasn’t feeling well, she’d text you whining until you were at her apartment with everything you needed to nurse her back to health, calling her your big baby.

But all you got was radio silence. It was almost as if she didn’t even exist at certain points. Every attempt you made at trying to reach out at her were in vain, as you were left with nothing on the other side. You even tried showing up at her apartment, a stack of notes that she had missed pressed between your arm and your chest, and brownies from her favorites bakery stuffed in your bag, but still,

Nothing.

What was even worse, was that everyone was coming to you regarding her absence.

Ellie had always been the more popular one of the two of you. Her presence just…attracted others, she was like a magnet. And how could she not be? She was so fucking charming sometimes it felt like she wasn’t real. She had the prettiest smile, and green eyes that sparkled from the moment you first set eyes on them. Everyone who saw her was enamored by her, and you’d never blame them for it.

And it was no secret that you were best friends. You were always close by her, trailing behind like a lost puppy. Ellie always assured you that she liked it that way, that you felt like home to her.

But in instances like this, it was a problem.

You had nothing to say to the people who asked you for her, simply giving them a half shrug and an apologetic smile when you told them you were just as confused about her disappearance as they were. The only thing that truly kept you from filing a missing persons report was that her landlord said she had been in touch with her.

But what really pissed you off, were the girls.

Ellie had always been popular with them, even back in grade school, she had girls swooning over her every time she outran the boys during track, or when she flashed them a particularly bright smile. It was something you thought you’d gotten used to, pushing down the jealousy that came with the countless pretty girls that would interrupt your conversations with your best friend.

But after the fifth girl came to you, twisting her pretty hair between her fingers as she asked you for Ellie, you realized it still fucking bothered you.

You carried on though, getting through all of the attention you had been getting by the end of the week. You were a good student, quiet, smart, a professors dream in all honesty. You used it to your advantage, distracting yourself with your studies so that you wouldn’t worry too much about your best friend.

You had finally gotten back to your apartment on Friday after your last class, a low sigh blowing past your lips as you pressed your back up against your front door once it was closed. You tossed your keys to the side, slowly peeling your jacket off of your tired body as you went about getting comfortable in your home.

You had showered and gotten yourself something to eat, and now you were on your bed, cuddled up with Angel, your precious little calico kitty. These days it was like she was the only one that was around to take up the attention you had to give.

Your hand was stroking between her ear gently, her soft purrs making you feel drowsy. Your eyes were heavy, and you wanted nothing more than to fall asleep and forget about the sinking feeling that came with the sudden disappearing of your dear friend.

A loud banging against your door made you flinch.

You frowned as you sat up, staring in the direction of where the loud, persistent noise was coming from. Angel stared in the same direction as well, her meowing growing louder, as if she sensed something behind the door that you didn’t, something dangerous.

You shushed her gently, giving her a gentle pet as if to reassure her as much as you could before you grabbed your phone. It was already past midnight, and you sure as hell didn’t invite anyone over, let lone expect anyone to just show up.

You gave it a minute longer, hoping that whoever was there simply had the wrong apartment number and would soon realize, leaving before they could bother you any further.

But the knocking didn’t stop.

It was loud, and persistent, and eager to get in, and for a moment you felt as though you really were in danger.

You inhaled deeply, your eyebrows furrowed as you got off of your bed and walked out into your living room, staring at your front door with every move you made. You obviously weren’t an idiot, so you grabbed the nearest weapon you could use to stun whoever it was that so desperately needed to get into your home, which happened to be a spare hanger that was in the closet near your front door.

You gripped it in your hand tightly, inhaling deeply before you unlocked the door and opened it harshly, ready to knock out whoever was behind it.

You weren’t totally sure what you expected, but it surely wasn’t your best friend standing on the other side.

Your best friend who had been missing for the past week, who couldn’t even respond to your text messages with a simple confirmation that she was in fact okay, your best friend who you had been worried sick over for days on end, your best friend that looked like your best friend but also didn’t at the same time…

Her eyebrows were furrowed as she looked down at you, green eyes piercing through your own as she took you in. You were about to go to sleep, and she could tell by your little pajama shorts and your fuzzy socks that you reserved for Friday nights only, something about treating yourself after a long week rung through her ears as she recalled the night she asked you why you wore them.

The breath that you had been holding in your lungs blew past your lips, sighing in relief as you finally let your posture fall. You weren’t sure if you were relieved that it was her, or if you were relieved at the fact that she wasn’t a fucking axe murderer waiting to chop you up into little pieces.

“Jesus…Ellie? What…what the fuck are you doing here?” You questioned breathlessly as you brushed your hair off of your face, far too winded to even ask her where she’d been yet.

Ellie smirked softly as she watched you, a low chuckle leaving her chest as her eyes trailed down to the hanger in your hand. “Is that a hanger?”

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion at her comment, almost taken aback at the fact that she wasn’t responding to your question before your eyes followed hers, and you looked down at the hanger in your hand. You rolled your eyes, a soft huff leaving your lips before you hung it back up and promptly stepped aside for her to come into your home.

“You were knocking on my door like the fucking feds…or..I dunno, Michale Myers or something? God Ellie what the hell is wrong with you? It’s almost 1 in the morning”. She simply smiled down at you while you scolded her, her large palm pressing against your front door as she closed it. God she had missed you, her chest was practically blooming with happiness as she watched you walk over to your fridge without another word, grabbing her a bottle of water before you returned with it and held it out for her, that adorable frown she loved so much still playing on your lips.

She licked her lips, her large hand wrapping around the bottle before she gently set it down on the coffee table next to you both. She hummed, bending her knees a bit before she wrapped her long arms around your waist, pulling you flush to her body and almost off of the ground. Her face pressed against the crook of your neck, inhaling deeply as her eyes fluttered shut, groaning softly.

“Missed you so much Bambi…”

Anymore scolding that you had for her was caught in your throat the second you felt those arms wrap around your body and pull you into her, the familiar nickname she had given you when you were far younger making your insides warm up. Your cheeks burned red, simply letting her take you into her before you sighed softly, your own eyes fluttering shut as you wrapped your arms around her neck, realizing then just how much you had missed her too.

“Where’d you go El….you wouldn’t even text me back..” You huffed out, your fingers toying with the hair at the nape of her neck. She smiled against yours, knowing all too well that you were pouting from the mere sound of your little huffs and whines.

She licked her lips, feeling how much her absence has affected you. She held you for a bit longer, the two of you swaying a bit in the middle of your home as she let herself enjoy you for a bit longer before she spoke.

“I was…um…I got sick…bad cold” She nodded to herself, trying to reassure you.

But you weren’t having it.

You frowned as you pulled away from her, pushing her back by her shoulders as you stared up at her, not buying her excuse for one second. “Then why didn’t you call me? You knew I’d come and take care of you…”

Ellie hated when you looked at her like that. You weren’t mad or disappointed, it was like you were pleading with her. Begging her to just let you help her. And the thing about it, Ellie loved when you babied her, she almost looked forward to getting sick because she knew you’d drop everything and tend to her every need, making sure she got better as soon as humanely possible.

But this…god this was so different than any of those times before.

She licked her lips as she stared down at you, one of her hands coming up to cup your cheek gently, her thumb rubbing over the soft skin before she shook her head. “Didn’t want you getting sick Bambi…this one was just…really bad” She groaned out, making it sound like it really was that bad.

You sighed, because it wasn’t your job to take care of her. You weren’t obligated to do anything for Ellie, and her you. She didn’t owe you anything, and she sure as hell didn’t have to tell you every time she was sick. She wasn’t yours, and you weren’t hers, and this entire situation made that very clear to you.

You’d be lying if you said it was nice to ignore.

You sighed, giving into her as you gave her a gentle nod. The hand on your cheek made your heart burst, feeling like you could cry at any moment, it made the feelings worse.

Ellie had always been touchy with you, your friendship being one that crossed those lines time and time again. You would never shy away from her, and her hands were almost always on you from the moment you could remember.

But why did this all feel…different? Why did her gaze feel so intense, why did it feel like she wasn’t looking at you, but right through you. Like you were something to own, like you were hers.

You figured it was just a lack of her presence for so long, maybe she always looked at you like that and you just never noticed, maybe she looked at all her friends that way.

Regardless of it all, Ellie was back, and you were so fucking happy for that.

Ellie beamed the second she saw your features soften, and she knew that you had given into her. She tugged her bottom lip beneath her teeth as she smiled down at you, her thumbs rubbing circles into your waist as she kept you pressed against her body, a low hum leaving her lips. “You wanna go to a party with me tonight?”

Your eyes widened a bit at her question before you sighed, pulling her hands from around your waist and leaving her in your living room. It was typical Ellie behavior to try and drag you to one of the many frat parties that she attended. It just…wasn’t your thing. You were a home body through and through, you preferred staying inside in the comforts of your own home, cuddling with your cat while you allowed your brain to rot while watching cheesy reality tv shows.

That and…watching Ellie flirt with girls at those parties was just…you couldn’t stand to watch it.

You refused to be the friend that held her back from doing what (or who) she wanted to do, so you didn’t. You always passed up on her offers to those parties, figuring that if you didn’t see it, it wasn’t happening.

It didn’t stop her from attempting though, and the current fire in her eyes was determined to get you to finally come with her.

You sighed as you made your way into your room, Ellie following close behind and watching your every move. You crawled onto your bed, your cotton shorts giving Ellie the perfect view of your ass, causing her to cock her head to the side and shamelessly check you out.

You laid back on your bed, pulling Angel, who had weirdly been on high alert from the moment Ellie had stepped inside of your home, into your lap. You frowned as you looked down at your kitten, her hair raised and eyes slanted as she eyed Ellie’s every move. You pet her gently, trying to calm her down before you pulled her down to cuddle into your chest, grabbing your remote control and turning on your tv.

“M’not going anywhere tonight El…I’ve already showered and brushed my teeth and…I’m just not in the mood to party and get drunk right now” you huffed out, grabbing the plush throw blanket on your bed and draping it over your body, cuddling further into yourself and your cat as your attention was settled on the tv.

Ellie tilted her head back as she whined, mimicking a child throwing a tantrum as she sat at the edge of your bed, her hand slipping underneath your blanket and grabbing a handful of your plush thighs, giving it a firm squeeze.

“Come on..you never go anywhere dude, I can’t stand the people that go there…would be so much better if you came…” Her words trailed off as she pushed your blanket back a bit, needing to see the way your thighs spilled out of her grip as she massaged your skin.

You whined softly, the cool air of your room hitting your skin, but quickly being replaced by the feeling of Ellie’s large hands pawing at your legs. You sighed, turning towards her a bit and giving her better access to you before you shook your head, knowing she wouldn’t let this go without somewhat of a compromise.

“If I tell you I’ll go to the next one, will you drop it?” You practically pleaded, knowing the girl all too well for these games. She’d massage you and caress you until you were putty in her hands, getting you to do whatever it was that she wanted.

She flashed that beautiful smile your way as she finally broke her attention away from your legs, nodding eagerly. Now this, this was progress. Never had Ellie gotten you to promise her something like this, and it made her insides burn with excitement.

You giggled softly as you watched her beam like a kid, making your heart warm up at the sight. You rolled your eyes playfully before you pressed your hand against her chest, pushing her away playfully. “Fuck off…go, have fun tonight…text me when you’re home?” You questioned as you looked up at her, feeling that same sense of anxiety that you felt when you hadn’t heard from her for the entire week.

You had just gotten her back, she needed to know how important that was to you.

Her large hand grasped your wrist gently as it was pressed against her chest, staring down at you as you practically begged her to touch base with you when she got home. She hummed, staring down at you as her fingers caressed your skin gently, your hand emitting warmth against her skin before she nodded.

“Always baby…I’ll see you later, okay?” She assured you with a firm nod, causing you to smile up at her. You gave her a soft noise of agreement before she leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to her head and letting herself out of your apartment.

You sighed as you watched her leave, your heart sinking once her presence was no longer there with you. Once you heard the click of your front door, you fell back into your soft bed, unable to shake the new, uneasy feeling that came with seeing her.

You thought the following week with Ellie being back would be easier.

It wasn’t.

After the bizarre incident that happened with her banging on your door at one in the morning, you didn’t see her for the rest of the weekend. She texted you nonstop, more so than usual, but her physical presence was once again an enigma. Although she wasn’t completely gone as she was before, the lack of actually seeing her was doing your head in, and you had no idea how to actually bring it up to her.

You expected to brush it all off on Monday morning. You’d wake up for class and Ellie would be waiting for you in the courtyard as usual, like she always did because she was just Ellie, your Ellie, no different than before.

At least that’s what you tried to convince yourself.

When you got to your college campus, it seemed as though Ellie’s disappearing act was still in full swing, because she wasn’t there waiting for you. There was someone waiting for you though.

There was one bit of attention that you received during the week of Ellie’s absence that wasn’t directly associated with Ellie, not entirely at least.

Amber was in a few of your classes, and she seemed nice enough. You’d never spoken to her long enough to fully know her, but in the small exchanges that you had with her, you knew she was nice.

She had made her way to you in the middle of the week, noticing that you had been eating lunch alone in the courtyard, or perched up against a tree listening to music or reading. It came to a surprise to you when she wasn’t asking about Ellie, but instead about you. She was sweet, and funny, and as selfish as it may have sounded, she was someone to talk to while Ellie had practically abandoned you.

You couldn’t help but blush softly once she looked in your direction, giving you an excited wave and a small smile as she patted the spot next to her on the bench she was sat at.

“Hey stranger, was waiting for you” She smiled softly, causing you to giggle softly as you sat down next to her. Amber was nice to be around, she made it easy for you. You preferred to listen, and she always had so much to say to you, or about you, complimenting your outfit for the day, or brushing strands of hair from your face.

She was in the middle of asking you how your weekend went, and you opened your mouth to tell her how it was, quiet and uneventful as usual.

But a dark, looming presence cut your words short.

Like a dark, grey cloud, Ellie stood over you both, and she looked terrible. The radiant light that she had emitted on Friday was gone, instead replaced by dull eyes, rimmed with dark bags. Her lips were dry, and the color had been drained from her face, and if you didn’t know any better, you’d think that the awful cold she was telling you about was back to harass her.

Your eyes widened as you stared up at her, worry filling your chest at how fucking tired she looked. “Ellie? I…are you okay? You look awful. Do you have a-“ she cut off your words, her eyes boring holes through Amber’s skull as she towered over the both of you.

“Who the fuck are you?” Her words were harsh, and pointed and it sounded like Amber had done something horribly wrong, when all she had done was have a conversation with you.

“Ellie what the hell! Amber I’m so sorry I-“ your attention was turned towards Amber as you rushed out an apology, feeling like things could go south at any moment. Ellie looked fucking mad, and something inside of you told you that you wouldn’t play with her right now.

“Amber? Amber? Who the fuck is Amber?” Her tone was pointed, but this time it was directed towards you. Anyone walking by would assume that you had been caught cheating on your girlfriend, and her accusing tone didn’t do anything to make it sound any different. Your eyes widened in disbelief as you finally stood up, pressing your hand against the fuming girls chest to try and put some sort of distance between the two of them, as Amber was clearly just as confused as you were.

“I’ll…talk to you guys later…” Amber mumbled awkwardly, giving you a small apologetic smile before she rushed off towards her first class of the day.

You were too busy to give her anything but a quick wave and a smile before your attention was turned back towards the angry girl that stood before you.

You were filled with anger, and worry, because not only did your best friend speak to someone in a tone that they did not deserve, but she looked half fucking dead.

Her eyes trailed Amber like she was ready to kill, watching her every move until she was completely out of view. She felt your soft hand against her cheek, trying to pull her back down to you. When she finally did look down at you, the look in your eyes made her heart crack.

You were practically begging her to tell you what was wrong, because so many weird things had been happening. And you had enough.

Before she could even understand, you were dragging her across campus. The sun was so fucking bright, and she was so fucking hungry, and seeing you with Amber made her fucking blood boil.

And don’t even get her started on how good you smelled.

She couldn’t focus on anything other than the empty feeling in her stomach, the feeling nagging at her to be noticed, to be acknowledged, the only thing able to distract her from it was the anger she felt when she saw you settled next to a girl that wasn’t her, bare legs on display for them, why the hell were you even wearing a skirt? Did you want Amber to notice? Did you wear it specifically for her? Did you have a crush on her-

Her racing thoughts were cut off when she felt that you had both stopped. She blinked a few times, her blurry eyes taking in her surroundings. You had brought her to the library, tucked away in the very ends of it where no one would find you. You were staring up at her, arms crossed over your chest as you waited for something, anything, from her.

She gave you a lazy shrug. “What?”

Your eyebrows furrowed, mimicking her lazy shrug. “Seriously? That’s all you have to fucking say to me? Ellie, why did you yell at Amber that way? And why the fuck do you look half dead?? Are you sick again? Why don’t you tell me what’s going on!” Your voice grew louder and louder with each words you spoke, feeling your anger rise.

Ellie groaned softly as she shushed you, knowing she didn’t need anymore attention than she had already been getting. Plus, the pounding in her head wasn’t helping either.

Ellie sighed softly, watching as you waited for her response. She knew she couldn’t keep lying to you, she was acting out and she knew that you could read her like the back of your hand.

“I just…have a headache, okay? I didn’t sleep well last night” It wasn’t entirely a lie, she really did have a headache, and she didn’t sleep a goddamn wink the night before.

You huffed out, clearly still not satisfied with the answers that she was giving you. You felt like calling them answers was too forgiving when they were barely that.

“Okay cool. That settles your appearance, but what about your behavior. What makes you think you can talk to people that way Ellie? What makes you think you can talk to me that way?” You questioned, once again begging for some sort of clarity from the girl, one that she was proving time and time again she could not provide.

She felt ashamed, small under your pleading gaze. She knew she owe it to you, and she knew you didn’t deserve what she was dishing out to you.

But the mere thought of you talking to Amber made her seethe, and she felt the anger return in the blink of an eye. She was irritated with everything, everyone, even you, because what makes you think you can just do that in front of her? Have you learned nothing? Do you know nothing?

She’s angry, and she can’t stop the words that are leaving her mouth.

“Because you’re too fucking stupid to see when someone is using you”

You’re not sure what you expect her to say, but it sure as hell wasn’t that.

Her words make your mouth close instantly, because you truly don’t trust yourself enough to know that anything else that leaves yours will be sensible.

The look in your eyes makes Ellie’s heart tug, and she knows she’s done it, she’s forced you to put up those walls that she had taken down herself throughout her entire friendship with you. But for some reason, she can’t find it in herself to stop.

“Don’t give me that fuckin look, it’s true and you know it. Everyone knows it. They all came to you when I wasn’t here because they see the way you follow me like a fucking child, she was using you to get to me just like they were” lies, it was all lies and Ellie fucking knew that. Amber liked you, and everyone except for you could see that. Amber had never had any sort of dealings with Ellie and she never wanted to, she wanted an opening to talk to you, and she saw it when you weren’t by Ellie’s side.

And that pissed Ellie off.

She struck a nerve, she knew that. Your eyes began welling up with tears, filling up like big swimming pools. You bit your lip to hold it back, you refused to cry in front of her, especially when she was the one that did this to you.

You inhaled deeply before you gave her a small nod. “Okay Ellie….” Was all you could truly say. She’d said all she had to, and you heard her loud and clear. You were a burden, and she had just confirmed that.

Ellie wanted to reach for you, and pull you into her body and tell you that it was all okay. But the damaged had been done, she had said what did and there was no going back from it.

Not to mention, she didn’t fully trust herself to hold you in her arms right now.

The small sniffles she heard when she rushed past her and out of the library was the nail in the coffin, and she let out a low sigh as she pinched the bridge of her nose, the pounding in her head getting harder and harder to ignore.

She needed to fucking eat.

You were avoiding Ellie like the plague.

You’d managed to get by throughout the week without seeing her. Ellie had messaged you the same night after the incident at the library, but you were too exhausted to even care. Her words still echoed in your head.

Because you’re too fucking stupid to see when someone is using you

You winced, the tone of her words making you feel so fucking worthless. You huffed as you stared up at your ceiling, holding back the tears that would spill passed your cheeks and wet your pillow anyways.

You couldn’t wait to come back home after everything happened, wanting nothing more than to just crawl into your bed and ignore everything that had happened.

And you did, you went too and from class without saying a single word to anyone. Anytime you’d caught Ellie staring at you from across the room you’d ignore it, and keep your head down until you were in the clear.

What you did do however, was text Amber.

Amber had done a great job at distracting you from the horrible things your best friend said to you. You were devastated, and you realized while muting Ellie’s messages that Amber had given you her number within the week that Ellie wasn’t there. So you took advantage of it.

You were too miserable to talk to anyone in person, but the warm glow of your phone reflecting onto your face was enough to fill the small void that had become present within the week.

Texting Amber is actually what got you in the position you were in now.

It was Friday night, and you were stood in front of your mirror, smoothing down the clothes that gripped your body. You wore a pleated denim skirt that was far too short, watching yourself in the mirror alone was enough to make you feel shy. The black baby tee that you wore hugged you perfectly, leaving a sliver of skin revealed right below your shirt and above your skirt. You turned around, eyeing yourself and thinking about how ridiculous you looked, and how rifidi you’d this all was.

And the fact that Ellie would be there.

This was the party you had promised her you’d go with her to, and you were going with Amber, the girl she had yelled at in front of you for simply speaking to you.

You shook the thoughts away, fluffing out your hair and reapplying your favorite lip liner before you grabbed your black boots and zipped them onto your feet, grabbing your phone and leaving your apartment without another thought.

Before you knew it, you were stood outside of the godforsaken frat house you had been dreading all week.

You sent Amber a quick message before you locked your phone and made your way inside.

It was dark, purple and blue lights reflecting off the bodies that were smooshed together. The smell of sweat, weed and alcohol assaulted your nose, and the loud music was so strong that it made you feel like your insides were shaking, and you remembered why you hated the party scene so much.

You sighed as you squeezed passed them all, your hands gripping the ends of your skirt to keep yourself from flashing anyone.

You made your way into the kitchen, letting out a sigh of relief to see that it wasn’t as packed as the main area of the large house. You needed breather, because it was all hitting you slowly. You didn’t want to be there, and you almost always avoided places like this because this wasn’t your scene.

It was Ellie’s, and the idea that she was there at the party made you feel even worse.

You needed to distract yourself, and eventually find Amber. You turned around, grabbing a red solo cup and mixing equal parts of flat soda and whatever cheap liquor was available to you before you took a big gulp down, wincing at the sharp taste evading your taste buds.

You turned around, your butt pressed up against the counter as you babysat your drink, eyes drifting towards different people that came in and out of the kitchen. You were almost done, and you had almost completely convinced yourself to get up and leave, until you saw a familiar face beaming your way.

Amber.

You sighed in relief as she made her way towards you, her arms slipping around your waist and tugging you closer to her body. The alcohol already had you feeling warm, and the feeling of someone else pressed up against you made you feel even warmer. You giggled softly as she pulled back, hissing softly as she bit her lip.

“Fuck you look good…where have you been hiding all this, hm?” Her words made you blush, and you nudged the girl playfully before she grabbed your hand, interlocking your fingers as she nodded her head ti the dance floor. “Shall we?”

You gave her a nod, cheeks burning red as you threw back the remaining alcohol in your cup before you let her lead you out.

Suddenly, the party didn’t feel all that suffocating, and neither did your thoughts. It felt easy, like breathing. Ambers hands were pressed up against your waist, pulling your ass flush against her friend as she guided you to grind against her to the heavy beat of the music, and you fucking liked it.

You liked being here without Ellie, being your own person, with your own thoughts and your own wants and needs. Gone were the days where you were her shadow, following behind the girl you desperately wanted more with just for her to say the things she said to you the last time you spoke. You felt like you were floating on air, your hands reaching behind you and tugging at ambers hair, pulling her closer to your neck that she was attacking with kisses.

You almost keeled over and died when you caught sight of the piercing eyes that were tracking you from across the room.

There she was, in all of her glory, Ellie fucking Williams. Your best friend was sat on a couch across from the dance floor, a pretty girl settled on her lap, nipping and tugging at her neck very similarly to the way Amber was doing to yours, and she looked like she wanted to fucking kill someone.

Her radiance had returned, no longer looking frail and ill, but instead beaming like a goddess who had come down the golden steps from the sky and gracing the presence of you mere mortals, if only for a second allowing you to bask in her beauty.

You felt your heart get stuck in your throat with the way she looked at you, her large hand gripping her solo cup so tightly you were sure she’d destroy it if she held it that way any longer. Her eyes made you whimper, and Amber must have assumed it was her making you whine because she smirked against your neck.

“Hmm…you wanna move this party upstairs baby?” Her question caught you off guard, and it took a small squeeze on your hip to break away from Ellie’s intense gaze. You gave her a small hum in response before she chuckled against you. “I said, do you wanna move this-“

Her words were cut off by a very familiar presence next to you.

You weren’t sure if you were drunk out of your mind, or if Ellie really had just crossed the entire house in half of a second, but all of a sudden she was no longer on the couch, and instead she was towering over both you and Amber.

Amber is rolling her eyes once she pries her lips away from your soft skin, staring up at Ellie as she keeps your body pressed against hers. “Are you fucking kidding me man? How many times are you gonna cock block, Williams?”

Ellie is visibly seething, her arms crossed over her chest as she stares down at you both. Her eyes drift towards the way Amber is gripping your hips, and the way your hands slowly drop down from her hair, and she wants to fucking kill someone.

“Leave before I fucking make you Amber”. Her voice is deep, and raspy, most likely from smoking all night. The mere sight of her is making you wet, because she’s glowing like she usually does and she looks like your Ellie again but just….more.

Amber sighs as she gently pushes your body away from hers, her own arms crossing over her chest as she steps closer towards Ellie, silently challenging her as she smirked. When she opens her mouth to say something, Ellie is already placing her palm on her forehead and harshly pushing her back.

Amber stumbles backwards a bit, catching her footing and staring up at Ellie, ready to push back with a punch of her own.

But the look in Ellie’s eyes is fucking scary, you both see it.

Her eyes are dark and low and she almost looks like a fucking animal under the dark light of the house, chest heaving as she watches Amber, ready for everything that she’s going to give her.

But she doesn’t, because she’s scurrying away like a little mouse, and Ellie is smirking in victory as she watches her.

You watch in disbelief as Amber scurries off, and you figure that’ll be the last time you ever hear from her.

You step in front of Ellie, staring up at her with wide eyes, because you truly cannot believe what she’s doing to you.

“Im fucking over this Ellie. You ignore me for an entire week, leave me worried sick about you, then you show up at my house in a weird manic state telling me I need to come to a party with you, and then the following Monday you’re making me fucking cry in a library because of how pathetic you said I am, and now I’m not even allowed to dance with a girl at a party?” Your words were fast, angry babbles leaving your lips as you stared up at her.

And her heart is tugging at the sight of you, because this is the first time she’s been able to talk to you in a week and you’re close to tears, again, and she fucking hates herself for it.

But she also can’t ignore how fucking good you look. Your skirt is hugging your plush hips so well, and it’s making her want to reach out and grab so fucking badly, because she expected this night to go so differently. She wanted to have a good night with you, hold you, tell you how much she wanted you.

And tell you how she had been through literal hell and back within the last two weeks.

Ellie had become a monster because of stupid fucking dare, and she didn’t know how to explain it to you. She didn’t know how to explain to you that the insatiable hunger she had for women could only be satisfied by you.

But you were still staring up at her, waiting for answers that she couldn’t give because she had dug herself into a hole too fucking deep to give you any answers.

So she did the only thing that had been on her mind for the last two weeks, and most likely ever since she had met you. She grabbed you.

She grabbed your wrist and pulled you up the stairs of the frat house to one of the spare rooms that was there, thanking whatever invisible force that was listening that not only was the room clean, but it was empty.

She ignored your whines and huffs as you tried tugging your way out of her grasp, because she knew it was now or never.

When she closed and locked the door behind you, you didn’t even have any time to scold her any further, because her strong hands were gripping your waist and her lips were on yours.

She swallowed the gasp that you let out, your eyes fluttering shut the second you tasted her, she tasted of weed, whiskey, and mint, and you quickly found yourself wanting more of it, because it was authentically her.

You whined against her, tugging at the hair at the nape of her neck as she kissed you desperately. Her tongue was pushing into your mouth and you suddenly felt dizzy, the sudden shift of your entire friendship was too much to handle. Going from not hearing from your best friend at all to having her tongue down your throat was almost as intoxicating as the alcohol that you as consumed earlier.

“Ellie…Els s-slow down…” you moaned out, yet your lips moving against hers said the complete opposite. You burned for her, your body screaming for her hands to be all over you all at once.

You could feel her smirk against your lips, made you whine. She was being so fucking smug, and it made you want her more. You were tugging at her shirt, any anger you had in your body gone, now replaced with the desperate need that you had for her, burning you from the inside out. “Tell me what you want baby..anything…I’ll do anything for you”

Her words were genuine, making you feel light headed. She made it sound like she’d go to the ends of the earth for you, crossing the seven seas for you, whatever you fucking wanted, she’d give it to you.

You moaned softly, confidence coursing through your veins as you grabbed her wrist, guiding her to cup your clothed pussy, letting her feel how wet you were. “Here…need you here Els…please…” you whined out.

Ellie groaned, feeling that familiar animalistic desire fill her up to the fucking brim. Her hunger was usually in her stomach, empty and annoying, but now, with you, she felt it pulsing against her cunt.

“Fuck…come here baby…lemme take care of you…” She walked you back towards the bed, her chest pressed against yours, she kept going until the back of your knees were pressing against the bed and forcing you to sit down on it for her.

You whined softly as you stared up at her in awe, feeling your heart burst with how fucking pretty your best friend looked standing above you. She used her knee to push your legs apart, spreading them further for her before she crawled towards you, pressing her lips against yours once again as she pushed you to sit back further on the bed.

“Lemme make it up to you Bambi…yeah?” Her words made you moan, and you nodded eagerly. For a minute her words from the library were flashing through your mind again your heart tugged, but the attention she was giving you now was truly making up for it.

She kissed down your body, pushing your shirt up and revealing your pretty nipples for her. She hissed, latching her lips around one of them as her hand pressed between your legs, feeling up the wet cotton of your panties.

You were like a dream, your moans and whines making her feel like it wasn’t even real for a moment. The small gasp you let out when she pushed your panties to the side was like music to her ears. You pouted softly when you felt her smirk against, your patience growing thinner and thinner with every passing moment.

“More Ellie..please…fuck…please” you begged, and Ellie wanted nothing more than to please you. She tugged your panties to the side, letting her long fingers dip into your soaked heat.

“Fuck…pussy is so fucking warm for me baby…my perfect fucking girl…gonna be dripping down my fingers if I waited any longer huh?” She questioned. You nodded eagerly, watching her with hazy, lust filled eyes. She reached that familiar spongy spot inside of your cunt and you were sure you were close to tears

Her words were too much, and the feeling of her long fingers, knuckle deep inside of your pussy had you a mess, a mess just for her, and something about that finally satisfied the hunger that she felt all the time.

She began kissing down your body, needing to feel more of you against her. She wanted to be filled up to the brim with you, her senses absolutely overwhelmed with you.

The sight of her slotted between your legs made you moan softly, your eyebrows furrowed as you watched her, a needy moan leaving your throat as your hand came down to tug at her hair gently.

Ellie let out a low groan when she caught sight of your pussy, licking her lips as she pressed her hands against your thighs, spreading you further.

“Fuck…would’a look at that…can practically see you throbbing for me baby…so wet and needy…fuck…lemme taste you baby…” she sighed out, her words muffled as she pressed her plump lips against your soaked core.

Your back arched almost painfully once you felt her skilled tongue flicking your clit back and forth. The feeling was so foreign yet so familiar, as if the girl belonged there, as if she was made to please you.

And she felt the exact same, the feeling of your hands tugging at her hair was like the purest ecstasy she had ever felt. Her green eyes staring up at you as she latched her lips to your weeping pussy, keeping her mouth suctioned onto you as you began grinding against her face.

She wanted to drown in you, she was even sure that if you suffocated her with your thighs, she’d been totally fine with it. Her hands gripped your thighs tightly, stopping you from running away as you wriggled beneath her, unable to deal with the pleasure that she was giving you.

But she gave you no choice but to take it. Her lips were latched onto, making your back arch as you felt yourself cumming all over her face.

Her eyes were rolling to the back of her head as she moaned into you, and it was almost like she was the one that was experiencing the most electrifying orgasm that she had experienced in her entire life, and not you.

The pleasure was soon swapped out with an overwhelming feeling of sensitivity that was consuming you with every flick of her tongue. “Ellie…mmm…fuck..come here…wanna kiss you…please..” you whined out.

Her lips unlatched from your pussy with a pop, and it prompted you to whimper softly. Her face was soaked with your arousal, but her eyes were filled with pure love and adoration as she crawled her way up to you, pressing a sweet kiss to your lips. The taste of yourself made you moan, and Ellie was already pushing her tongue into your mouth and prepping you for what else she had planned.

Her words were muffled against your lips, as she didn’t want to leave your mouth for even a few seconds. “Can you give me one more baby? Wanna fuck you….can you do that for me baby?” You whined softly against her, already nodding and tugging at her top.

“Want it…fuck…I can do it I promise…please Ellie…” you sighed out, your hand slipping underneath her shirt and giving her nipple a soft pinch. She hissed softly at the feeling before she nodded, pressing another kiss to your lips. “That’s my girl…lay back for me baby…” She moaned out, her hands massaging your thighs as she gently pushed you back to lay on the bed.

You took it upon yourself to pull your top off, leaving you only in your skirt as you stared up at her. Ellie peeled her top off as well before she undid her jeans, pushing them down along with her boxers, leaving her naked above you.

You brought your hands up to undo the button to your denim skirt before she grabbed your hand, shaking her head as she swiftly pulled off your soaked panties. “Leave it…I like this skirt on you” she smirked down at you, causing you to blush.

She grabbed your thigh, slotting herself between you and pressing her wet pussy against yours. The second she felt you, she let out a long, loud moan. It was like the hunger she had been cursed with had finally been satisfied once she felt herself press up against you. She looked down at you, watching the way your slick and hers mixed together, coating your pretty pussy and glistening just for her. Her hand gripped your ankle, and you watched in awe as her tattoo flexed as she thrusted against you, her pussy bringing you pleasure that you had truly never felt before.

“H-Ahh! Fuck…Ellie please…please go faster…mmm…fuck fuck fuck fuck” you moaned out, your eyes squeezing shut. You couldn’t focus on anything other than the feeling of her pussy on yours.

A firm hand gripping your cheeks made your eyes flutter open, and you gasped softly at Ellie staring down at you, her lip tugged between her teeth as she groaned and moaned above you.

“Don’t close your eyes..you need to fucking look at me when I’m fucking you. Tell me who’s making you feel this good, tell me who you fucking belonged to” she gritted out, squishing your cheeks together so that your eyes would stay on yours.

And you always knew the answer, you’d always belonged to Ellie. From the moment she found you, you were hers, and there was no way you could ever deny that.

You moaned loudly at her words, reaching your hand towards her and catching her nipple in your hand, cupping her boob and flicking her nipple between your fingers before you nodded. “M’yours El…all yours…always…mmmph-…have been…ahh I’m gonna cum!”

Your words made her insides coil, and she felt like she could die happily right the and there. She nodded, prompting you further as she moved her hips faster, speeding up the pace of her pussy grinding down against yours.

“Cum for me, fuck….I fucking love you…i fucking love you Bambi…fuck!”

Your orgasm hit you like a train the second she said it, and you weren’t even totally sure if she really did say it. Sure you’d told each other you loved one another before, but god it was never like this. It wasn’t like she was on top of you fucking herself down onto you, but she was saying it, and you felt like you’d pass out.

And if you thought you were hallucinating before, god were you wrong now.

Because you swore when she threw her head back and came on your pussy, you saw pretty, pointy white fangs gleaming in the dark room.

She collapsed on top of you, breathing hard as she pressed her face into your neck. You stared up at the ceiling, her hands wrapping around your waist and keeping your naked body close to her own.

You were in shock, because your best friend had just fucked the day lights out of you and you weren’t totally sure if it was a dream, or if it was real, and she told you she loved you…

And you could feel her fangs grazing against your neck.

#ellie williams #ellie williams smut #ellie x you #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams x you #ellie the last of us #ellie tlou #tlou 2

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classypauli · 2 months

Text

She’s the Man

Pairing: Jenna Ortega x fem Reader A/N: I don’t even have words, I definitely wasn’t expecting this feedback, you guys made my day. Thank you for all the likes, rebloggs and comments!! You are the best!! Warning: alcohol, drunk people, grammar mistakes, bad punctuation in complex sentences, spelling errors Word count: 4.8k

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Y/N was walking down the hallway with Mason, they didn´t share many classes except literature. It was one of her favorite classes. Y/N becomes a little nerd if someone asks her about history, paintings, architecture, or literature. When she was a kid, she wasn´t into this kind of things. She used to do a lot of sports and her grades weren´t great but also not worse.

When she started to go to a high school she stopped. Her grades became better and soon she was topping most of her classes. Her classmates saw her as someone intelligent, she wasn´t just book smart, she had good opinions and when she started talking people listened to her, she didn´t know why, maybe because she didn´t talk much so they became interested in her talking.

But she never talked about herself. She was always trying to avoid any questions about her. Y/N didn´t know why she did that. She felt more secure that way, less on target. She likes to keep things like this together. When she used to tell someone about her problems she didn´t feel relief, it was the opposite, she was scared that it wouldn´t end with that person or that they actually didn´t care and just listened to her cause they didn´t want to be impolite. So she found peace in her silence.

When she struggled she picked up a pen and notebook. She kept writing and writing until she forgot why she started. She never read it. Felt ashamed of her words and her feelings. She wasn’t alone after all, she had her family and brother, so why did she still feel so lonely? Y/N knew she wasn´t good with words but she wanted to be better.

When she became older she found herself in poems. Sometimes she was writing about her feelings, other times she was writing about things she likes, saw during the day, or just about her day. In some way they made her realize that being focused on bad things won´t bring her good feelings. And she felt stupid, of course, it was like this but talking about it and behaving according to it were two different things.

„How was your weekend?“ Mason asked as they walked side by side to their class, passing by some of their football teammates, shooting them nods.

„It was pretty good, got some sleep, how about you?“ she shot him a glance. Y/N still can´t believe that someone like him exists, he is so kind and helpful. Today after school they are having practice, she was kind of on the edge of her toes because on saturday they have the game but Mason supported her and calmed her nerves.

„Me too, there was a party going on, it was quite good but it would be even better if you were there.“

They walked into a class and took a seat, chatting about some festival going on this week when suddenly Percy came into a class. He saw her shot her a quick nod and started to make his way to them.

„Hey, Charlie! I didn´t see you almost all weekend!“ Yeah, they were always avoiding each other but not on purpose, Y/N was always somewhere and when she came to the dorm Percy wasn´t there yet, he was sleeping or it was the other way around.

He turned to Mason but didn´t say anything. It was weird, like some tension between them. They just kept looking at each other till Percy asked her about her Friday night.

„How was your hang out with your teammates?“

Mason shot her a questionable look but Percy didn´t seem to notice that. Y/N got stuck. Now there was no way she could keep lying because clearly, Mason was sitting beside her, she could say that she felt sick so she canceled the plans or-

„It was great.“ Mason said from beside her. „Why are you interested? You wanted to join us?“ he asked and kept looking at him for an answer. Y/N knew he didn´t mean the question that way but silently thanked him for saving her. Percy looked at him, stunned, as he wasn´t expecting his statement.

„No, of course not.“ After that, he walked away somewhere behind them to find a free chair to sit on. Mason looked at “Charlie” again with a slightly raised eyebrow.

„I´m not going to ask, if you want to tell me you can, just so you know, I don´t want to force you.“ He said softly. Mason can see the way his teammate is. How she only talks when someone asks her something. He sees how she acts and holds herself. He also can see that something is off but can´t really say what. But still, he has this urge to hold a protective wing above his new friend.

„Thank you, Mason.“ Y/N shot a small smile his way and he gave it back to her. Class began and she can only hope that Percy will forget about their small but tense interaction.

Soon the mentioned festival came. Y/N was walking around by herself not really sure where to head to. There were all the students from her school running around. She saw Georgie on the bench, he was holding big candy floss in his hand looking excited at it. The girl wanted to laugh at him, he looked really funny. Slowly she came to him with a small teasing smile on her face.

„Aren´t you a little too old for this?“ Y/N asked him looking at his change of face at her question.

„There is not something like an age barrier in eating cotton candy!“ Georgie shouted and turned his face around, acting angry at her. Of course, he was right, she liked it too, she just saw the opportunity and took it.

„Yeah, believe whatever you want“ Y/N smiled „Where is the rest?“ she was hitting on Hunter, the two boys were always together, they truly were like brothers, always bickering but supportive of each other. Percy was also a lot of time by their side but Hunter and Georgie were glued by the hip.

„I don´t know I´m waiting for him.“ He said as Y/N slowly took a seat by him. „And what brings you here? Shouldn´t you train for your upcoming match?“ he looked her way.

„Today we have a free day, coach was talking about him having some show at the festival.“ Y/N was looking forward to her match and wanted to be ready, hoping he would let her play for at least a couple of minutes. She wanted to find out how her body would react. She was a little nervous but this stress was healthy. It kept her going.

„Me and Hunter will come to watch you.“ The girl looked at him shocked. He was eating his candy floss with his fingers all sticky.

„You like something else besides eating and taking photography?“ she teased him and he looked at her with lowered eyebrows.

„I didn´t say I enjoy watching it, I just want to see how you lose your first game.“ Georgie laughed then Y/N punched his shoulder. „Ouch! I was only joking you know!“

She stopped and looked around her, feeling like someone was watching her and she was right. There was a girl not so far, looking at her with folded arms and a smirk on her face. She had long brown hair and was short. She started to make her way to the two of them. Y/N straightened her back and waited for what this girl had to say.

„Hey, I don´t think we know each other but my roommate talks a lot about you.“

Now that made the girl sitting on the bench stop. Roommate? She had never seen this girl and Y/N wasn´t sure where she should know her roommate from. The only girl she talks to is Jenna but she´s almost sure that she has no reason to talk about her.

„She is working in the photo booth, I´m sure she would be on top of the roof if you came to see her.“ She still has that teasing smile on her face.

„Uhm... yeah, sure“ Y/N lets out looking at Georgie who´s trying to hold his laugh. The girl left and he lets it out.

„Shut your mouth and keep eating.“ She hissed at him but he only continued with his laugh.

Soon she found Mason and some of her other teammates, they talked about the game how excited are they and how they would smash their opponent. Her brother called her again, saying how his tour was going and he wished her luck. Their parents luckily aren´t suspicious so everything is going according to plan. She takes her walk around the festival, looking at all kinds of booths and how people are enjoying themselves. She stopped by one and just stared, she saw Jenna, and she sat in one of the booths on her face her significant smile. Suddenly the brown eyed girl looked up and saw Y/N. She smiles wider and she indicates with her eyes at the side of the booth. Y/N slowly walks there are is greeted with Jenna´s hug. This was the first time they hugged and Y/N couldn´t focus on anything. She was shocked by the girl´s body language but also glad cause this meant their friendship became stronger.

„Hey, I was looking forward to seeing you today.“ Jenna backed her way out of their hug and looked up at her, still with their bodies close to one another. Y/N looked where they were and she saw that Jenna was working in a... photo booth.

„Uhm... yeah? Why? Do you need something?“ the other girl asked looking down at her again.

„No, I just wanted to see you.“ There goes her dimples again. They are so cute. Her whole face is too pretty. Y/N wanted to say something but was cut off by another voice.

„Hey football player glad you finally decided to come.“ She turned to Jenna „I found her when I went to the toilet, couldn´t hold myself from inviting her to our booth.“ She shot her teasing smile. Jenna face palmed herself, she could already imagine how she approached you and what she said. Gideon was like that, she is a big matchmaker but also really attentive and sweet when it's convenient.

„Charlie this is Gideon, Gideon Charlie.“ She pointed her hand from one to another.

„Hey Charlie, I heard a lot of things about you.“ She smirked and Jenna pushed her away, awkwardly looking around as she stood in front of Y/N.

„Ehm...so, I heard you have an upcoming game this Saturday, are you excited yet?“ the shorter girl asked as she looked at her feet, arms folded. Y/N found her cute right now, how she couldn´t look at her like she did before her roommate interrupted them.

„I pretty am, even though I don´t even know if I will play, I´ve been training only two weeks, and I’m not sure if the coach will let me play.“ She shook her shoulders.

„Oh I´m sure you will be playing, you are one of the best on your team.“ Jenna winked at Y/N and smiled at her. „I saw you a couple of times.“

Now, Jenna was acting as if she had seen her just a couple of times but the truth is, she saw her every practice. She doesn´t know why, at first she just went there cause she didn´t feel like going straight to her dorm, but when she saw you she knew that she wanted to see you again. You were so good. You acted like a totally different person on the field, you were confident and energetic, and your every move was calculated. You could easily catch someone´s attention. You caught Jenna´s attention.

Y/N felt a lot more confident because of Jenna´s words. She wasn´t the first person who said this to her.

„Will you come to see us?“

„Are you inviting me to watch you on your game?“ Jenna teased her.

„Well, if you already have some plans you don´t have to, I mean you probably have better things to do than to watch some stinky players running around the field chasing the ba-“ Y/N didn´t even finish her sentence and the other girls cut her off.

„I will come“ Jenna wouldn´t miss your first game, she was excited to see you being competitive. There was something about you that was always bringing her thoughts to you. You were such a good listener, a soft speaker, and intelligent. She doesn´t think she has ever met someone like you in her life. You were like a fresh air to her stereotypical life. She wanted to be with you cause every time you are together, you give her something new.

Jenna watched Y/N. She couldn’t tear her eyes off her. You were like someone else like they switched you. In-person, you were sweet, quiet, caring, and soft. On the field, you were almost aggressive but not in a bad way, you knew what you were doing. This was definitely your alter ego and Jenna was here for every second of it, you put on quite a show. Running back and forth in your jersey, defending than attacking, the ball moved exactly where you wanted it to move. You were fast, probably the fastest one on the field.

Jenna enjoyed it so much. She used to play football when she was a kid with her family when they spent time together and also in school. But that was a long time ago, she may not play it anymore but she still likes to watch it.

The girl moved her eyes as you got the ball on your foot and started to run trying to get near the opponent's net. Players trying to stop you, running after you, trying to slide their way to you, nothing works. When you got near the goal area you tried your luck and shot the ball into the net. The opponent's goalkeeper couldn’t see the ball because of his teammates standing in front of him, making the ball straight to the top corner. Whistle. Goal.

Jenna stood up clapping her hands big smile on her face as she watched you running to your teammates to celebrate your success. The whole tribune of the students from your school is clapping, yelling supportive words, happy that they are winning against a different university. Your coach is standing near the field with his arms folded and a proud smile on his face. It was definitely a good idea to put you in the first lineup.

“Charlie! That was so good!” Mason tapped your back, he had the biggest smile, and he was so happy for you. You were a big talent.

The game went on and it was almost the end, Y/N became calmer because they were leading. She shot her gaze a couple of times at the tribune and every time she could see Jenna looking at her, she hoped she was enjoying this. Y/N also saw Georgie and Hunter, both boys beside each other smiling widely at her with their thumbs up, Georgie with a hot dog in another hand.

Soon the game ended, and they won 3:0. Y/N was glad that her first match was successful and hopefully, she impressed others. In the changing room, her teammates were chanting, happy about their first match. After that, she walked out of the changing room, bag on her shoulder, still in her football jersey, she’s planning to take a shower in her dorm. She knew that they were a bit suspicious about her cause every time after practice she just took her bag and left, unchanged. But they thought maybe “Charlie” was just shy which was okay not everyone liked showing off skin, even if it was in front of the same gender. Y/N was near the entrance looking into her phone, texting her brother about her game.

„Hey football player.” She looked up from her phone and saw Jenna leaning on her side into the doors looking at her.

„Oh hi, wasn‘t expecting you, did you enjoy the game?” the girl asked as she got closer to her. Now they were looking at each other holding gaze, Jenna looked up biting her lip. You look good right now. Still being in jersey, sweaty forehead, hooded eyes from the energy you gave on the field. If this was someone else she was sure she wouldn’t find them as attractive as you right now.

Jenna nodded her head „Congratulations on your first successful game, pretty cool goal if I have to say.” She says softly still looking at the other girl.

„Pretty cool? It was awesome! Didn’t you see how I ran through half of their players and still shot it?” Y/N started defending herself „I was unstoppable.”

Jenna threw her head back letting out a laugh. She grabbed Y/N by the arm and started to pull her outside of the building.

„Come, we need to celebrate your first win”

„Wait, but I’m still in these clothes, I can’t go anywhere like this.”

Jenna shot her a look „There isn’t any problem if you ask me, but we can stop by your dorm?”

They walked out, still holding each other's hands, Y/N didn’t want to be rude and tear up their hands, she liked this feeling, Jenna’s hand was so soft and warm. Y/N felt good with Jenna, like she has finally someone just for herself.

But her thoughts went to her words, what if her roommate was there and saw them together? He would beat her up. But it was afternoon and he used to be at this time somewhere in the amphitheater.

Y/N agreed as they started making their way towards the dorm rooms. They chatted about some party going on tonight. Jenna’s friend Gideon invited her. Jenna was about to decline but her roommate said there would be also a football team probably celebrating their win. That made Jenna say yes to her offer which Gideon only laughed at.

To Jenna “Charlie” was special, she didn’t know what caught her attention, something inside of her wanted to be with you, by your side.

Luckily for Y/N, Percy was nowhere to be found. She invited Jenna to their room she took her new clothes and went to get a shower. Jenna was sitting on Y/N’s bed, looking around trying to find something which would only make her closer to her friend. Your bed smelled like you, she loved your scent it was like citrus with cedar or something like green tea, she couldn’t describe it in one word. On your desk were books and a notebook, you had it perfectly organized, and everything had its own place. Yeah, you are definitely a perfectionist. When she looked at the other side of the room she could exactly say who was the owner.

The paintings and papers spread around the desk and floor, different types of art. She found them a couple of times in her locker, at the table where she sat, or in her mailbox. Paintings of her. At first, she found it cute but it kept graduating as she got them almost every day. And it was always herself.

But maybe she would be glad, if it ended just with this.

She was in a room where lived two people. One that makes her most pleasant in their presence and the other one she feels most uncomfortable with.

„So what´s your plan for today?“

They were eating in some corner restaurant, Jenna got herself some vegan food, and Y/N sat in front of her with a plate of big burger and some fries. It felt good seeing them like this, both out of student uniforms in their civilian clothes, enjoying each other´s company.

Jenna wanted to know, inconspicuously, if her friend in going to the local party that night. If she said yes then Jenna would also have some plans, that´s for sure. Even though she doesn´t like parties, not anymore.

„Well, some of my teammates are going to some party, I don´t know where, they asked me if I´ll join them.“ She said as she kept eating her fries. „I haven´t decided yet, I´m not really into parties, too loud for me.“ That really didn´t answer her question.

„What about you? Any plans?“

„Gideon was saying something about today´s night but I´m not sure yet.“

„Oh, cool.“ And just like that they continued eating their meals, both hoping, at some point they´ll see each other today. Jenna looked up from the table to Y/N, the girl looked flawless right now, with her invincible walls down, silently eating a burger. Jenna pushed her hand up and stole some fries from her plate. Her friend looked at her with her head not moving from her meat, unimpressed. Softly shook her head from side to side.

„You are lucky it´s you, if it was someone else they wouldn´t have a hand by now.“ She said. She didn’t mind sharing food, sometimes, and she definitely didn´t mind sharing food with the brown-eyed girl.

Y/N was thinking. About Percy to be exact, about their deal or more like his, because he isn´t doing anything to repay. But she promised him she would at least try. And she also tried. When she and Jenna had classes together, like when they were lab partners, she could feel Percy´s stare. His eyes were boring into her skull so hard that sometimes she could even feel a headache. When she looked up at him he moved his eyes to the other girl and back to her. Signalizing what he wants from her.

So she asked. She asked Jenna if she was dating anyone or if she ever thought about going out with Percy. Jenna only laughed at her and shook her head, trying to avoid any questions about him. Y/N could feel something was off, the brown-eyed girl knew the boy and still didn´t even look at him or say hi to him. But Y/N doesn´t know why is she like that. Something happened between them and she wasn´t sure if she wanted to know. It wasn´t her business after all.

After Y/N´s questions, Jenna felt conflicted. She was used to guys asking her out, trying something with her but not you, you were different. You are the only guy who hasn´t tried to get with her. And she liked that. But when you asked her about Percy and said that she would be perfect for him, she almost wasn´t sure if she heard you right.

Perfect for him. But would he be perfect for her? Jenna knew the answer to that question. She disliked him. For what he made her feel. Jenna didn´t want to be perfect for him, she wanted to be perfect for you. And it took her quite a long time to realize that she liked you more than a friend. She talked to Gideon and Emma about it, they told her the same thing.

But did you feel the same?

Jenna was now standing in someone´s living room. Loud music and drunk students were escorting her thoughts. She was looking for her friends, they agreed that they would meet there. She saw Gideon sitting on the sofa, cup in her hand. She was talking to someone Jenna recognized from school. She sat beside her and her roommate looked her way.

„Hey, glad you could make it.“

„What are you drinking?“ Jenna grabbed Gideon´s cup and smelled it.

„Vodka, I got it from the kitchen, down the hallway to the right, you want me to go with you?“ Gideon was sweet, she knew Jenna didn´t enjoy such a thing as a party.

„No it´s okay, I´ll get it, maybe I´ll see Emma or Joy somewhere.“

So with that, she picked herself up from a sofa and started to go into the kitchen. There were a bunch of teens, she barely could make it through them. Some were really drunk and the scent of strong alcohol could be smelled from them. Some guys who saw her shot her flirtatious smirk. She brushed them off and was trying not to make any eye contact on her way. When she saw football players she immediately started looking around if you weren´t somewhere over there. No, you weren’t. She was looking forward to meeting you today but still with no luck. She hoped you would decide to go there.

She made it to the kitchen took a cup in her hand and started looking for some juice. She didn´t feel like drinking, maybe if she was at home with some close friends or you, she would drink but she was at a party, by herself in a stranger´s kitchen.

„Hey.“

Jenna heard a voice from the back. The girl turned around and saw someone she was trying to avoid at all costs. She hoped he wouldn´t be there today but of course he would, they are in the same school after all.

Percy was standing by the kitchen entrance, eyes low, looking at her. They were alone there and loud music could be heard from the other room. Suddenly she didn´t feel safe. The last time they met they were in a room full of people and it still didn´t stop him. Now they were alone and she felt even more scared cause there was nothing that could stop him from doing whatever he wanted.

„H-Hey.“ She shot him nodding with her head and continued with whatever she was doing, with her shaking hands, acting like he wasn´t even there in the first place. But she could feel his cold presence closer behind her. She turned around and was met with his face. He smelled like he just drunk a whole bottle of alcohol. She took a step back from him.

„Is there something you want?“ Jenna asked him. He never broke the eye contact, slowly smirking.

„Yeah, actually, you could help me with something.“ He went to grab her hand but she pushed him.

„Stop, you know what happened last time-“ he cut her off.

„I don´t care! Why can´t you just give me a chance? We could be so good together. You like that, right? You like it when guys are chasing you, it makes you like you are in charge, well Jenna, now it´s different, now I´m in charge here.“

„Please get away from me you are scaring me.“ She felt like crying like she got stones in her throat. Still walking away from him, praying that someone will show up and save her. She felt so small in front of him, no one had ever made her felf like this, like she was some prey.

„What are you doing?“

She turned her head to the new voice that was heard in the kitchen. And she was so glad, felt like she could breathe again. There was you looking at him, no emotion in your face, then you walked up to them and looked right into Percy´s eyes.

She had never seen you like this, you were so serious and didn´t show any emotion. You continue your stare down without blinking. Even though you were shorter than him, not much, you still had a bigger and stronger aura than him.

„Is there a problem?“ Y/N could smell the alcohol from his mouth and could see that he didn´t know what he was doing. So that´s why she knew she couldn´t show that she was scared. It would make him even more confident.

His eyes changed when he realized you were here to get him away from Jenna.

„Charlie, what are you doing? We had a deal! You promised!“ he shouted at his roommate. He knew he shouldn´t trust you. He is sure that you like her. You want to take her away from him!

He started to breathe harder and his eyes became more dangerous. You weren´t scared of him, you were calm and waiting for his next move.

„Leave.“ Y/N said with a low voice, face unimpressed. But before he could say anything else Mason and a couple of others of your teammates came into the kitchen.

Mason walked up to the three of you and stood even taller than Percy. Percy was now in a corner and had nothing to do. So he smiled dryly and walked away.

When he left Y/N turned her gaze to Mason and silently thanked him for standing beside her, he smiled at her with his soft eyes and left with their teammates. You turned down to Jenna and saw her already looking at you. She was hugging herself and looked so gentle and small.

„Hi, you good?“ Y/N asked, almost whispering, waiting for the other girl's answer.

„Yeah.“ She softly let out. She then threw her arms around the taller girl. Head buried in her chest. Y/N hugged Jenna strongly, letting her know that she was there with her.

Yeah, Jenna was sure that you were perfect for her.

next chapter

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nat-space-obsessed · 27 days

Text

"I'm 23." "No, You're Not."

Crossposted on AO3!

It turns out to be very hard to get a tattoo when you look eternally 14.

Prompt by @charcoalhawk

"Kid, You're like twelve. That's a fake ID. I'll get in trouble if I let you get a tattoo here."

"As I said, I am literally 23. I've been 23 for five months now. It is on my ID. I swear to you that my ID is real." Danny repeated for the third time that hour.

Danny had been going to get a tattoo, his second, actually, and both times so far he had come across one issue:

His eternally 14 year old face.

"I told you, this can't be a real ID, you look twelve."

"I look fourteen, thank you very much."

"You realize that doesn't help, don't you?" The girl behind the counter retorted.

No, it doesn't.

One thing about being immortal is that you forget that you are immortal. Danny's ID has his birth date and his current photo. It's not his fault that he looks fourteen!

Actually it is. He's the one who died.

"If I told you it's a health condition, would you believe me?"

"Not without a doctor's note. Either way, kid, even if you are somehow older than 16, you can't get a tattoo even with parental consent. We live in Illinois."

Danny hated being locked out of things due to his perceived age. Even when he was in college, and all of his classmates thought he skipped a bunch of grades to get where he was. Every time he met someone new he had to go through the same spiel.

'I'm nineteen, yes I look young, it's a medical condition, yes I am in my second year of college' yadda yadda yadda. It had been four years and it only got worse.

It was worse when he was going to different age restricted places, such as bars and tattoo parlors, which thought that he was a literal kid.

"Look. I already have a tattoo, isn't that enough??"

"How do I know you didn't have a friend do that for you, huh? I remember middle school with all of the stick-n-pokes."

"Does this look like a stick-n-poke???" No, it doesn't. It was a full color three quarter arm in a neo-traditional style. It was a ghost, because he loves his irony.

Danny kept staring at the girl behind the counter, not blinking the whole time, as she stared at him incredulously.

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave if you keep being a problem."

"I'm not being a problem! You're the one who isn't listening as I try to explain my situation!"

"Kid, you aren't going to get a tattoo from this place." She sighed. "Look, I can call my boss and she can make the final call on it."

"Yes! Please! Do!"

The girl in front of him walked into the back room and called a name that Danny hadn't heard since high school. "Hey! Star!"

Wait, Star?

"What is it now, Kay?" A familiar voice rang out, in an exasperated voice.

"Look, there's this kid at the front who says he's 23, he has an ID that looks like it checks out, but he looks twelve. Literally twelve."

"God, Kay. Just tell him no!" A woman walked out from the back room, and looked at Kay, then made eye contact with Danny.

"Wait, FENTON? Damn, you literally haven't changed since freshman year!" The blonde girl laughed.

"Star! It's been so long, I can't believe you recognize me!" Danny smiled. "You started a tattoo parlor?"

"Yeah, after high school, I decided to apprentice at that one parlor down the road from school? Yeah you know the one, right?"

"I got my first tattoo there! this one," Danny pointed to his three quarter.

"Was it James? I apprenticed under him." Star smiled at Danny.

"Wait, Star, you know this kid?"

"We went to high school together. I was a bit of an asshole, but we made up at the end of senior year! We'd all been through a lot together, you know what they say about trauma bringing people together!"

Danny smirked at Star. "You still in contact with Paulina?" He started, "Have you heard about her new girlfriend?"

"Oh yeah! We had a double date not too long ago, you know, me and Kwan."

"I always thought you and Kwan would get together! You guys were always pretty good with each other."

"WAIT, wait wait, so Star, he's not lying about his age??" The girl behind the counter said.

"Yeah, he's looked that way since freshman year, some sort of medical condition, right?"

"It was a whole thing in senior year, we were comparing yearbook photos, it was so funny to see Dash freak out like that."

Danny and Star laughed at the memory.

"So, can I get my tattoo now?"

"Oh for sure! I'd love to get you started on that, do a quick consultation." Star led Danny to her office in the back.

The girl at the front counter grasped her head in frustration.

#phic phight 2024 #phic phight #danny fenton #danny phantom #fanfiction #ao3 fanfic

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buckybarnesss · 3 months

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Heather~~~

What is your opinion on Lydia's mom?

Especially in s4 and s5

I feel like there's a lot to think about when you think about how Lydia got the banshee gene from her Dad's mom - and Lydia's parents are divorced since s2? Maybe?

Feels like a lot of strange emotional issues there for sure!

all the parents in teen wolf kind of suck tbh. it's something we should acknowledge more i think. teen wolf deals so much with growing up and part of that is realizing that your parents are humans which makes them flawed and fallible.

natalie martin unfortunately didn't get much characterization until later in the series which makes her hilariously sort of neglectful and checked out in the early days of the show. like girlie pop let stiles into her daughter's bedroom while lydia was in a negligee and drugged up.

but susan walters is delightful and an icon so she became a more and more frequent guest start but lbr she's also married to linden ashby which is part of the equation there.

it's always been an interesting choice to me that they never recast lydia's father. he was present when she was in the hospital in season 2 and than he disappears but yet lydia's banshee powers come from his side of the family.

that alone puts his comments about lydia's behavior in the tell in a different perspective. still shitty but interesting with hindsight.

ms. ramsey: let me tell you, there's plenty to say about lydia. mr martin: did I not predict this? natalie: here we go! total nuclear meltdown, as usual. mr martin: what is it? her grades? concentration issues? erratic behavior? natamlie martin: i'm not the one who told her she had to choose who she wants to live with! as if that wouldn't warp a sixteen-year-old girl. mr. martin: just tell us what the problem is.

i also find the comment elias stilinski made during his lucid moment in sundowning about natalie to be, well, mean but also accurate about her and also about lydia.

elias stilinski: you're natalie martin's daughter. am i right? you look like her. she was pretty once too. she also liked to talk like she was the smartest person in her room.

it's their worst traits. lydia in season 1 is all about this. in the beginning lydia is vain and condescending. natalie can be as well as it's of course where lydia learned it from.

natalie martin is someone who is characterized by her fears in a lot of ways which makes her so very frustrating. especially in the later seasons and her fear pertaining to lydia comes directly from what happened to lorraine.

she's both afraid for lydia and afraid of lydia's abilities. natalie does love her daughter and we see her attempt to support her frequently but it often falls just short of what lydia actually needs. natalie's fear prevents her from fully understanding lydia.

she never quite overcomes this either even though by the end of the show she knows the big secret. she's aware of the supernatural but she refuses to acknowledge it properly even with her own daughter.

forgive this reference, but it's kind of dursley-ish. she wants everything to be very normal thank you very much. she fears how other perceive her and her daughter.

i do give her a few points for not running from beacon hills though. she does try to help the kids out in school. it's not always with the greatest understanding but she did cover up the beast incident and tried to get scott, liam and malia to the end of their high school careers.

so i find natalie martin a frustrating character but i think she contrasts really nicely with the other parents like melissa mccall, the sheriff and the argents.

i also find it hilarious that peter kept trying to date her and melissa to fuck with lydia and scott. it's fucked up and manipulative as scott and lydia are his two favorite chew toys that aren't derek but like it's also really funny.

#my blog #thoughts on teen wolf #teen wolf #natalie martin

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8turn-xikers-galaxy · 7 months

Text

Hunt Your Heart ❤💕✨💓

(🎀💖Xikers- Hunter x Fem! Reader 💖🎀)

Genre : Fluff, Non-idol AU

Tw : Reader is going through a rough time in the beginning, Reader is an orphan, Mentions of food, Absolute cringe, Kinda (very) cliché, grammatical and spelling mistakes, too many emojis ( Let me know if I missed anything)

Idols mentioned : Kyujin from Nmixx, Leeseo from IVE, Xikers members

Key : B/n - Book name

Note : This is my cousin's idea and my first time writing it as a oneshot so there might be a lot of cringe stuff and mistakes but I tried my best so I hope you like it! The credit goes to my cousin.

💙 Y/n's POV ❤

Student life has always been hard for me. No true friends to share my feelings with. No teachers who would actually understand me. No family.... It's always been this way. My parents abandoned me when I was 12. All of my friends are toxic and my teachers always take their anger on me. In the midst of all this inconvenience, I try my best to be optimistic and face my problems a little differently. As of now, I'm sat here in Math class Trying to solve the quadratic equation "Fuck... " I mutter under my breath once I mess up. "Hey Kyujin, Can you teach me how to solve this?" I've never been good enough at Math. I managed to pass 9th grade with just a fluke but I dunno How I'll survive this year. "Yeah sure, can you wait tho? I'm helping Leeseo with the third sum" She said without even turning to face me "It's fine, I'll do it myself" And that's how it goes every single time...

🍃🌺🎀✨ Timeskip ✨🎀🌺🍃

After working for a while, the bell finally rung and I waited for everyone to leave before packing my stuff. "Miss L/n, could you meet me in my office after lunch?" My teacher asked me on my way to the cafeteria. "Of course Mrs. Yoon" I didn't speak any further, knowing she gets angry easily at anything and everything (yikes) that's just how it's been. The teachers always get their way to get me to do their work for them. Oh, well. I went to the café to grab myself some Kimchi Mandu. Then, I went outside to the school field and sat down under my favorite blossom tree to eat. My eyes wandered to the tennis court where the senior grade summer campers were playing their hearts out. I saw a tall boy with black hair and beautiful brown eyes with a red jersey, hitting every ball with grace, with a cute gentle smile and ethereal Features. I didn't realize I was zoning out until I heard a male voice behind me snapping me out of my daydream. "You done checking him out?" I turned around to see a boy with messy brown hair, leaning against the tree "w-what? Do I know you?" I asked with a slight blush "I'm Choi Hyunwoo! Captain of the soccer team and Hunter's bestie, The guy you were staring at" He smiled and sat down beside me "Uhh, I wasn't staring" He chuckled And nudged my arm "Sure you weren't"

"Anyways, why are you out here alone? Don't you guys eat in the cafeteria?" Hearing him ask that, I visibly tensed up thinking he might see me as a weirdo. "I... Don't have any friends to eat with, so I prefer to eat out here. It brings some peace to me" He gave me another one of his infamous eye smile. "I can accompany you everyday if you don't mind! I love making friends"

And that's how me and Hyunwoo became best friends. Months passed, and Autumn finally rolled by. Me and Hyunwoo kept growing closer. One particular evening, Mr. Min called me to his office just when I was leaving. "Please sit" I did as I was told however I didn't have a good feeling about it. "Ms.L/n, you do notice you've not had any improvement in your math classes right?" He asked me somewhat softly "Yes sir, but I promise I'm trying my best to improve although nothing seems to work" He nodded. "Then how do you suppose passing your finals this year? Do you realise you're two months away from it?" I looked at my feet, not able to utter a word Knowing he would speak against me regardless of my protests. "I'll assign a tutor for you, starting today. He'll meet you at the school library at 6" I nodded. "Okay sir" He nodded, slightly cracking a smile "You may take your leave now" I got out of his room and heaved a deep sigh. A tutor? That's not too bad. It could've been worse tbh. I walked to the blossom tree where me and Hyunwoo usually meet up. I sat down and took out my sketchbook to doodle for a while. When I looked up from my book to look for an inspiration, my eyes wandered to the tennis court again. In the blink of an eye, A ball came flying out of the court and landed beside me. I picked it up and when I looked up again, I saw Hunter running towards me to get the ball. He stood in front of me and heck, I totally fell. He looked so... Perfect. I couldn't even make up words to describe him because nothing seemed good enough to me.

All the stories that Hyunwoo tells me about him make me want to get to know him better but I just couldn't get myself to budge when it came to him.

I snap out of my trance when he crouches down in front of me, gazing deep into my soul "Are you okay miss? You seem a little stressed"

I blushed hard with a small smile "Yes, I'm fine. Thank you. Here's your ball" He smiled the enchanting smile which gives me butterflies and sparks fireworks in my veins. "Thank you! I'll see you later?" He asked holding my hand. "Of course" And with that, he left with a wave. I looked down at my hand with the same smile and blush.

"What was that?" Hyunwoo asked, bouncing onto my shoulder out of nowhere. "Please don't tell me you saw all of that.." He grinned and ruffled my hair. "Of course I did! Even if you don't believe it, you two are meant for each other" I rolled my eyes "okay, Whatever. Can you get off of me now?" I smiled at my bestie. Even tho he is annoying, He's my only true friend and I love him for that but he could be a little pathetic sometimes. "Haha! Nope" Yeah.. Like that.

✨Third person POV ✨

After hanging out with Hyunwoo and telling him about your Tutoring session this evening, He shooed you away because it was already time for you to go. You bade farewell to him and left for the library. You waited there for your tutor to arrive. You decided to kill some time by reading one of your favorite novels/comics B/n given the fact that you were the only one in the library.

🧡Hunter's POV🧡

I changed my clothes and fixed my hair a bit before heading to the Library. I don't know who I'm Tutoring, Mr. Min was in a hurry so he didn't really do a good job in explaining the situation of the student who needs my guidance. Regardless, I entered the library, surprised to see it completely empty. Not even the Librarian was there. I walked further and saw the girl from earlier struggling to reach the higher shelf. I went behind her and grabbed the book she wanted and handed it to her. "That's a good one!" I complimented and she blushed 'god she's so cute'

"Are you the one who needs tutoring?" I asked her softly, hoping she'd be a little less shy. "Yeah, I'm Y/n" She held out her hand. I shook it with a smile "Hunter" She took me to the table where she kept her stuff and got to work right away. "There's an easier way to solve the quadratic equation. Here" She listened to me carefully and tried it herself. "That's right! You're a fast learner" She smiled and blushed 'gosh that smile' We continued doing the sums and I helped on the harder ones but for the most, she did great herself. After a while, I checked the time and it was 8 already. "I think that's enough for today, we should head home now" I said, holding her hand to get her attention. "O-okay, thanks for today" She said, lacing her fingers in mine leaving me shocked and making the butterflies in my chest go wild. I nodded and waved before taking my stuff and leaving.

I walked out with a mad smile on my face. "Mind to explain Mister?" A familiar voice called out from behind me. "Hyunwoo?!" Shit, I forgot about our sleepover tonight. "You were supposed to pick up Sumin, Yujun and Minjae about an hour ago! And you're wandering here with a lovey dovey smile, what's the matter dude?" He asked, bumping my shoulder. "Oh, Mr. Min Assigned me to tutor this really cute girl! Her name is Y/n and-" He cut me off right there. "And she's a junior struggling with math" That caught me off guard. "Yeah, How do you know?" I asked with a dumbfounded look. "She's my best friend that I always talk about! I've been meaning to introduce her to you but not like this" He said scratching his head. "Well, what's done is done, let's go pick up The others" I said walking ahead but he grabed me by my sleeve "and you expect me to let go of the fact that you think my bestie is cute?" From there on, I knew this would be a never ending saga of teasing in our squad....

🌛☄️✨🌿 Timeskip 🌿✨☄️🌛

💜 Y/n's POV💜

It's been two whole months of Hunter tutoring me and to be honest, I never felt so safe with anyone else. Not even Hyunwoo could care so much of me. He introduced me to the rest of his friends and let me join in on their fun time. I'm grateful and finally feel loved and wanted but the thing that worries me is the finals starting tomorrow. I am at Hunter's place studying hard. "Y/n.. Take a break, you've been studying for 7 hours straight since you arrived here" He said sitting next to me on his bed. Me being my stubborn self, I shook my head "And what if I fail tomorrow? I can't risk my score this year! Mr. Min has faith in me! Hyunwoo is looking forward to it too! And besides, I can't let you down..." I said, finally turning to face him. "You'll never let me down, unless you keep straining yourself like this! Please rest? For me?"

He said holding my cheek to stop me from looking away. He never failed to make me blush. "Okay, fine" I said, closing my eyes and smiling. I then listened to some music with him and got back to studying after an hour. He got take out for us, we ate and got ready for bed. When I got out of the bathroom after getting changed, I saw him lying on the bed already and holding his arms out for me. I snuggled up close to him. These kind of physical contacts had become very common in our friendship so it wasn't awkward. "Have a good sleep princess, I love you.. " To my dismay, I didn't hear his last sentence before I fell into a deep slumber, feeling safe and secure in his arms.

When I woke up in the morning, I didn't find him beside me on the bed. I went downstairs to see him making something in the Kitchen. I ruffled the bird's nest on my head and I went upto him. "Good morning princess" He turned around and pinched my nose. "Slept well?" I nodded and smiled, leaning against the counter. After having breakfast with him, he dropped me off at the exam hall. "I'm nervous" I turned to look at him. "Hello nervous, I'm Hunter" He laughed at me and I hit his arm slightly. "Okay, in all seriousness, I'm sure you'll be fine!" He said and ruffled my hair. "Alright, if you say so, I should get going now" I said after I fixed my hair and checked the time. "Okay, All the best love!" He said and gave me a handshake and a hwaiting sign before we both parted ways.

🌺🌺The day of the result🌺🌺

"Y/n-yah will you stop jumping around so much? The seatbelt might break!" Hyunwoo joked. "How can you expect me to calm down when my report card is literally here in my very god damned hands?!" I yelled in a limited voice. "Well, first of all, mind your language and second of all, you'll be fine!!" He shot back. "And besides, we're here already" After he pulled up at Sumin's porch, the guys came running out, asking about my results. "Guys, she hasn't seen it yet!" Hyunwoo shouted. "Okay, then how about we go inside and let her calm down for a bit first?" Just as Minjae said that, we got inside and sat down. "Kay, just rip it off like a band-aid on the count of three!" Yujun said.

"1"

"2"

"3"

I shut my eyes and opened the card and all of a sudden, the boys erupted into screams and cheers. I took a peek at my results... Only to see PERFECT SCORES IN EVERY SUBJECT INCLUDING MATH! I jumped up and leaped into Hunter arms.

"You did it!"

"I did it!"

Hyunwoo smirked, watching the scene unfold. "We'll give you guys some space" Minjae said and dragged out the rest of them. "Hunter, I want to tell you something" He nodded in a sign for me to continue. "Hunter, for the past two months, you've helped me a lot to get through my studies and my life. You made every moment feel better, safer and... Special. Without you, I wouldn't be where I've gotten today and I'm very grateful. From the moment I first saw you, I felt attached, safe and loved. I don't know if the nicknames that you call me are a joke or if they mean something, but I've always loved them. What I'm trying to say is...I love you. A lot. And it's totally okay if you don't feel the same, I-"

I felt warm lips press against mine. It all happened so quick that I couldn't process anything. I didn't even know if I was living in the reality.

"Y/n" He lifted my head by my cheek to make me look at him. "I love you too, that's why I've hunt your heart"

#Xikers #Hunter #Xikers x reader #Xikers Hunter #Hunter x Reader #Xikers fluff #Hunter fluff #Xikers oneshot

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just-an-enby-lemon · 2 months

Text

He hated a lot of things about himself.

He specially hated how trust come absurdly hard for him and never naturally. Always a concious choice at first. And even then it was hard to move it into a complete feeling. But he trusted Martin and it had to be worth something.

"I think..."

It was hard to talk about himself. About all the small things that made him he was, about how he was just completly wrong from the start.

"I think my grandmother caused some actual permanent damage in me as person."

It's ridiculous of course. It sounds ungratefull even now, more so after so many days listening to Martin talk about his mother, having to watch him accept that she never loved him, "she was my mum and she didn't love me", "she was the one person that was suppose to just do" and "i think I'm unlovable", of not knowing what to do and going into rants about how the idea of an inherent love associated to motherhood is not an actual determination as more than all good parents have a child out of love, how is not any personal failing and how even the Eye agress Martin's mother is just a prick and how Jon loves him very much. How Martin is made to be loved. How once day when things are better he will be surrounded by people who love him as well (how he will realize that Jon is not actually good at love or at being a person and leave, "you have to love yourself, Jon, cause people don't stay for people that are different").

Martin was the one with real problems, Martin was the one quite literally abused by his guardian and in comparisson what? Jon's grandmother couldn't always watch him? Or would make him spend the whole day sitting in a chair rewriting the same words again and again until she deemed acceptable? Everyone said his caligraphy was pretty. She was doing her best.

"You think?" Martin teases and it's surprisingly rude but not in a mean way, in way that makes it sound obvious and so so real.

"I... She did try her best."

He remembers the good as well as the bad, how one day in desperated frustration she told him that she "just couldn't understand what is wrong with you" but also how she throwed them out of the house and stopped inviting his uncle and his family over for christmas (or even talking to them) after he suggested that Jon should be institucionalized "or whatever they do with the loony kids now days" instead of "being a burden to you, mum". How she never believed he was really sick and not just lying to skip school (even if he never did) until he was so bad that the teacher would call to send him home pretty much the moment he got there but also how she would make his favorite recipes and actually look at the huge collection of books and read them for him even making the voices. How she would try to make him wear unconfortable clothes and eat horrible foods and say the right words and understand the right things but also how on the day he was leaving from Uni she sitted with him and sayed she was sorry, that she had not realized how hard he was actually trying to be better and that she had never realized he just couldn't and that she was afraid for him, how she told him to always be proud of himself cause the world wasn't fair and he had to be the one person on his team. How they never talked about it again. How she seemed to be humoring him everytime he talked about someone that would actually accept him and stay. How after a group of mean kids throwed actual spides at him in 5th grade to see his reaction and he had one of the worst panic attacks of his life only to hear the teacher agree with the parents of said kids that he should just "man up" his grandma raised absolute hell and how he got to have a whole fun week outside school, how next year he was in a better (more expensive) school (how some of her mother jewels she wore/kept with the biggest care suddently disapeared). And he sees himself saying all that. Just throwing his memories at Martin unable to stop them from getting away into the world. "She loved me."

He says and it is the crux of the question. Martin's mother never loved him. She hurted him because of misplaced anger and bitterness. And it was hard for Martin to aknowledge the damage because it is a hard reality to accept. Because it shouldn't be a reallity to any kid.

But Jon's grandmma loved him, he knows that, has always known that. She did the best she could with the resources she had. And still she hurted him. Helped turn him in the messed up barely a person shape he is now. And it seems so contraditory. How can you hurt someone you love?

"She did." Martin says. "And she hurted you anyway and it is okay to feel that, to be hurt and sad and even angry over it."

He hugs Martin. Wants to hide in him, be held until nothing else exists anymore.

"I used to not understand it. " He says. "How does one hurt the ones they love?"

Martin hugs him tigther.

"I get it now." After Sasha and Tim and Georgie (twice) and Melanie and Daisy and Basira. After Martin. "I don't think I can do much else nowdays."

"We had a shitty deck." Martin says. "But you saved me and you keep saving me. You make me really happy. And maybe one day we will hurt each other and be something else, we got a monster deck in a real life game" A part of him wants to point Monster is at best a type of Yu-Gi-Oh cardsand at worst not a real thing. Instead he lets himself cry into Martin's sweater. "but you're still here and I'm still here. And you have not hurted me yet... well... not since you actually started loving me and not thinking I was a murderer."

He wants to thank Martin. He wants to beg Martin to leave while this is still true. He wants to be held forever. He wants to ask Martin to stay. Instead all he says is:

"In my defense you would be a good murderer."

Martin laughts.

Things are good.

#tma #the magnus archives #scottish safehouse period #tma fic #sort off #it's nasically a draft for smt I want to revisit when i have more time #i just have a very strong image of Jon's grandma as someone that loved him and wanted the best for him but grew in a conservative enviromen #and had no clue what to do with Jon #because Jon is waay to neurodivergent coded (on accident weirdly enough) to it to not influenciate #specially if she raised nt kids before and is frustrated jon is different because she thought she understood raising kids by now

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marigoldwitch · 1 year

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Is this an unpopular opinion?

Can we all agree that recording someone having a mental health crisis and antagonizing them while doing it is ridiculously inappropriate and unnecessary?

And before you come at me with the whole “Karen’s are using crocodile tears to get away with…” I get that, and I agree 100%. But I honestly believe a lot of y’all can’t tell the different between someone experiencing a mental health crisis and someone just acting entitled.

I saw a video of a woman having a mental breakdown at self checkout after a strange man touched her and tried to physically move her because she cut him in line. I know your first thought is “well she cut him in line” which is true but he’s an adult man, not a 5 year old, and he could have used his words instead of physical touching her. And in the video the woman apologizes and says “I didn’t realize you were in line and you touched me, that triggered me” and this man’s response was to further antagonize her while recording her. Talking about “you saw me” and “you’re a bitch” and blah blah blah. Which makes her act even more emotional and further triggers her. And then he tried to touch her again. He kept going at her instead of saying literally anything remotely appropriate like “I shouldn’t have touched you, that was inappropriate. But now that you know I was actually next in line I think you should wait til I’m finished to checkout.” Turns our the woman was a victim of a recent SA and having a strange man touch her randomly triggered an emotional response. And the only person in that video that’s trying to help is another woman telling the man to just go to another register, while he’s still going on and on and on about how “she cut in front of him” like their in grade school or something. The video ends before a resolution so idk what happened after she started crying and asking people to back up away from her and give her space.

Btw, I’ve had people cut in front of me tons of times at check out, I just do the normal adult thing and let it go. Sometimes I realize the person didn’t notice I was in line and sometimes it’s obvious they feel entitled and more important so they just cut me because they’re assholes. Neither situation is worth even more of my time wasted pressing the issue like a kid who got cut in line at lunch and it’s pizza day lol. I’m not that pressed.

I say all this because the internet has y’all forgetting how to act in public and forgetting that people actually do experience mental illness; that this display of mental illness makes people appear irrational and act out. When someone is experiencing a mental break they’re going to react to their surroundings, and if they’re surrounded by people antagonizing them they’re going to continue to act irrationally.

I don’t think recording is wrong. I actually think it’s helpful so that the authorities can better do their jobs to determine the best course of action/ treatment options for someone who is causing a scene. However I do not think it’s necessary to further feed into someone’s mental health crisis by continuing to press the issue to get a reaction out of them. Especially if that person is a complete stranger and you know absolutely nothing about their personal life.

And yes, we can tell when you’re recording and antagonizing with the intentions of getting a bigger reaction out of someone. A little crying from being triggered by a strange man touching you can turn into a full blown panic attack when 4-6 other people start shoving phones in your face and yelling at you. If you really think that person is a danger to themselves or you, call 911 and let them handle it. Stop pushing them over the edge for internet clout.

And if they’re a “Karen” the best way to handle them (in my experience) is to completely ignore them and act like they’re not there. And if they’re a Karen causing a problem, record them and just let them expose themselves. Don’t add commentary. Don’t antagonize them for a bigger reaction. Let them dig their own grave. Let their behavior speak for itself.

#unpopular opinion

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beezusvreeland · 5 months

Text

a very good idea - chapter 11

summary: After your boyfriend cheats on you at a party, you break up with him, who tells you nobody else is willing to be with you like him. You decide to prove him wrong, with a little help from a new friend.

ship: miguel o'hara x f!reader

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Chapter 11

It was Miguel’s last middle school dance. It was also the last time he would see several of his classmates, who would be going to different high schools next year. It was the ending of a chapter and the beginning of a new one. He should’ve been having fun, like he had so many times before, but that night was unlike any other.

Miguel fucked up. Big time. The truth is he didn’t even realize what he was doing until it was too late. He felt terrible for hurting people he cared about, especially because, for the first time in his life, just apologizing wasn’t enough to fix things. They never wanted to see his face again — which Miguel didn’t blame them for. There was a part of him, one he was sort of ashamed of, that struggled with the idea of not being liked by everyone. That had never been a problem for him. But life was changing. Quickly. He felt like he had gone through several phases just that week. He had a hard time recognizing himself those days.

Instead of being at the gym, which had been transformed with decorations regarding the theme “A night to remember”, dancing with his friends and flirting with girls, Miguel was outside, sitting on a bench in front of school. The palms of his hands were covering his knees and he hung his head low, trying to recover from the sensory overload the celebration had brought him. It would have been better for everyone if he had stayed at home. Maybe it would’ve been easier to move on that way.

“Oof!”, Miguel heard someone sitting on the bench next to him. He didn’t move, not having it in him to interact with anyone else that night.

“Good thing I found you, I wanted to thank you for making this night less boring to me.”

Miguel’s curiosity won and he jerked his head to the side. It was you. And you were smiling at him. And just like that, all the work he had been doing to not fall apart disappeared, his body going into its severe nervous mode. Usually he would do his best to avoid this, you weren’t in his friendship circle and mostly kept it to yourself so, at school, you ignored each other’s presence.

It wasn’t easy, though. You and Miguel had several classes together and, every now and then, he couldn’t help but stare at you. You always sat in the third chair of the last row, close enough to the board to pay attention to the teachers, but not so much where you would stand out. With your several pens — as time went by, you would select a few to use each day, but still kept your full pencil case inside your backpack —, you were always taking notes, looking up very few times because you were so focused on the lesson. He loved how you always fooled yourself going to school with your hair down, just to put it up in a bun or a braid a few minutes into the first class of the day.

Sometimes Miguel would catch himself wondering how he could start a conversation with you. He knew you were nice and so shy, your face and neck would always get red when you received any type of attention you weren’t used to, which already wasn’t much. But he also knew that the people he hung out with didn’t like you very much. Miguel didn’t understand why, but with time he learned that it was easier if he didn’t question it, so he did his best to ignore you instead.

The only exception, the one excuse he had to talk to you without creating a fuss, was when he would tell you he forgot or lost his pen, could he maybe borrow one of yours? You always said yes. It made his heart ache of pain and happiness. He was always extra careful with your pens, he couldn’t risk the only opportunity he had to interact with you guilt free.

In seventh grade, there was this one time where Dana, his then girlfriend, got the pen from Miguel’s table when he was outside filling his water bottle. When he came back and didn’t find the pen, the boy lost his mind, acting like he had just lost a crown jewel. Dana ended up giving the pen back to him and they had a huge fight — he was mad because she took the pen and she was furious with the way he reacted to losing an object that belonged to you.

Seeing you at the dance was surprising, you never went to those things. Yet there you were, with half of your hair up and a few dots of glitter sparkling on your face. Looking at him.

“Sorry…?”

“I don’t know what you did to make those girls so angry, but hell, it was very entertaining anyways”, you chuckled, opening your purse in search of something.

Miguel wasn’t surprised the gossip had reached you, but it did bother him. He didn’t want you to think ill of him.

“Well, you know, I was in one of the stalls inside the girl’s bathroom when Dana and Xina started arguing”, you undid your hairdo and started working on a side braid. Your boldness was strange to Miguel — as was your slurred speech.

“Shit”, he looked away when your eyes found his. “We already argued about it earlier.”

“Is that why you are here?”

“Sort of, yeah.”

“I always get so bored out here. I’ve tried bringing crosswords and books with me, but my mom won’t let me.” You turned to him and said: “The awful vodka O’Reilly thinks no one notices him pouring on the punch is usually my only source of entertainment”.

“Are you drunk?”, Miguel couldn’t decide whether he was angry or amused.

“I don’t know, Miguel. Did you date those two girls at the same time?” Your eyes widened as soon as the words left your mouth. “Shit, I didn’t mean…”, you grabbed Miguel’s arm. “Fuck. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, I get it”, is what he said, but all he could think about was the heat left from your touch on his skin. After a few moments of silence, Miguel said: “There was some overlap between my time with Dana and Xina. Dana and I hadn’t gotten back officially and then things with Xina…just happened.”

He looked at you, you were playing with the tulle of your lilac dress. It wasn’t right, he knew it, but seeing the serious expression on your face was the most painful thing to come out of that whole story.

“It’s not an excuse or anything, I know I was wrong”, Miguel was quick to say. “I thought apologizing to them would make things better, but looks like it just made them worse. I’m not sure what else I can do.”

“They seemed angrier with each other than with you”, you said, still looking down. “It was like they were trying to argue who was more worthy of you.” You were lost in your own thoughts for a second, then you looked up at him: “What does that feel like?”

“What?”

“To be wanted.”

Miguel wasn’t expecting a question like that. He wasn’t exactly surprised either, your sensitivity had been one of the many qualities you possessed.

“I’m not sure how to answer that.”

“Try me.”

“I mean, you probably already experienced it, right?”

You scoffed.

“Of course not. Isn’t it obvious?”

“What does that mean?”

You rolled your eyes, like you couldn’t believe him.

“You know that everyone here thinks I’m the worst.”

“I don’t.” Saying that out loud made Miguel feel free. He wasn’t pretending for anyone’s sake, he really meant it.

You, however, gave him a disgusted look.

“So why is this the first time you said more than a few words to me in the four years we have studied together?”

It hurt to admit, but you were right. He knew it and he hated it. Four years of following other people and acting like that to fit in. What good did that do to him? Miguel ended up alone outside at what was supposed to be the most important night of middle school, anyway.

His silence emboldened you.

“So, yeah, people won’t even look at me, how would anyone want me?”, your voice was louder than usual, a result of the amount of punch you drank and the frustration you felt.

He wanted to tell you that he had always wanted to hang out with you, that he would make up all these scenarios in his head and that he looked at you, he saw you, just not when you were looking. The words escaped him.

“But you know, next year we are going to high school and what happened in middle school won’t matter anymore. The rules will be different.” You chuckled to yourself. “Who knows, if we end up at the same school, I might be the one ignoring you.”

“That’s fair, I guess.”

His eyes met hers and he felt like his chest was going to explode. That was another reminder that his actions had consequences. Miguel’s thoughts were that he was the worst and ruined everything.

You started laughing. Hard. As sad as Miguel was, a smile appeared on his face.

“What?”, he asked, his smile widening.

You were laughing so hard that your eyes became glassy.

“Tell me, come on”, Miguel started laughing with you.

Tears of laughter poured on your face.

“Do you remember that time we were in the middle of a biology test and Mr. Watanabe’s phone started ringing”, you tried to catch your breath, your voice uneven with so much laughter. “And all of sudden he looked like a ghost, we thought someone had died, but his wife had lost his pet turtle inside their own house.”

“How could I ever forget Moony Turtle?”

“Such a perfect name, she was really old too.”

“I don’t remember what happened to her after, though.”

“Mr. Watanabe ran home and searched everywhere at his place. His wife was convinced Moony had run away, but in the end she was just chilling inside the pantry.”

They kept looking at each other until all the laughter went away.

“But what about you? What do you think high school will be like for you?”

“Shit, I don’t know. Haven’t given it much thought.”

“Is there at least something you really want to do? Like…joining the mathletes or something.”

“The mathletes?”, he raised an eyebrow at her.

“What? You are really good with numbers, formulas and equations”, you sounded genuine. “It’s not that crazy.”

“Uh, thanks? But definitely not that…”

“Are you afraid it’s going to ruin your reputation?”, you mocked. “You’re a very handsome guy, if anything, it will make people go crazier for you.”

His heart skipped a beat.

“Do you think I’m handsome?”

You blushed, which made Miguel feel even better.

“It’s not really a matter of opinion, it’s more of a fact.”

Of course you would try to get away with it. Miguel didn’t want to ruin it by pushing you, so he just gave you a cocky smile and went back to the subject.

“I want to make new friends in high school. That’s it, that’s what I want.”

He swore your eyes sparkled at that.

“That sounds like a good plan.”

They were lost in the moment, until a car horn came from the street. A very pregnant woman came out of the passenger seat.

“Sorry to ruin the moment, Bubbles, but your niece is kicking the hell out of my belly, I really want pickles with doritos and tuna and I swear if you take another second, I might pee in my pants.”

“Who is that?”, Miguel asked, amused.

“My sister, never been very patient, but I swear the pregnancy is making it worse”, you got up from the bench, so did he.

“Bubbles, do you want your goddaughter to be born looking like a mix of pickles, doritos and tuna?”, your sister screamed.

“Bubbles, your sister will pee in the car seat. This is the company car, we can’t have that happen again”, the driver shouted.

“Again?”, Miguel asked, quietly.

“Coming!”, you shouted back. You considered him for a second, then said: “Have a nice summer, Miguel”.

Miguel wasn’t sure if he had ever felt wanted or understood what it meant. But at that moment, he realized he did know that it was like wanting somebody. Miguel felt it with every fiber in his being: he desperately wanted you.

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<<: chapter 10

>> chapter 12

all chapters

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a very good idea playlist

#a very good idea #oscar isaac fic #miguel o'hara fanfic #miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x reader #fake relationship #fake dating #friends to lovers #unrequited crush #Spotify

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ghostlycorvid · 1 year

Text

So I have been dealing with constant exhaustion for years and years. Ever since I started college I’ve struggled to stay awake in lectures, and even after college it’s been a struggle to stay awake at work. If anything it got worse at work, especially when I got promoted to full time mid-pandemic. I started having an energy drink every school and later work day, just trying to keep myself awake.

For a while I thought “well hey, I started taking melatonin when I started college because I struggle to fall asleep, so maybe thats it”. Stopped taking it for a month, only change was that it got progressively harder to fall asleep again. :’)

Then I realized that Hey. Maybe this is an understimulation thing? Because classes were structured differently in grade school, then went much more lecture heavy in college. Which was a great hypothesis, but I continued to be on a non-stimulant treatment for adhd that still wasn’t working.

But there was also the issue that I was this exhausted even at home, in calls with friends I would be literally falling asleep while trying to hold a conversation, read a post, or watch something with them. Things that should be stimulating enough, and on my weekends when I should have enough sleep to be awake. Plus I always had headaches.

Last week after a year of being with my current psych, we finally managed to get me started on a low dose of Adderall!

Of course this meant stopping my energy drinks, so I wasn’t mixing two stimulants. I don’t need a caffeine induced anxiety attack thank you.

And I did notice an immediate change at work! Yes I was tired, yes I was headachey, but I wasn’t fighting for my life to stay awake! Even in boring 2 hour long meetings with the lights turned low for a presentation, I kept my eyes open the whole time! I was even having an easier time with starting tasks when I realized I needed to do them! (Compare to literally just that Monday where it took me an hour to get myself to go downstairs to chop some potatoes I’d already washed for cooking)

But goddamn did I feel exhausted and like total shit. It took me until day 4 to realize that my current problem and the reason I was always so exhausted on my weekends were one in the same.

This fucking idiot was going through the start of caffeine withdrawal every week when I got my two days off work and didn’t drink an energy drink. 8′)

It’s now been almost a full week since I stopped having energy drinks at work and I have never felt this awake and alert on my weekend. I ALMOST felt the need to crawl back into bed for a nap yesterday, but it passed and I did manage to get some stuff done.

For now I’ve been instructed not to take the medication on my weekends when I don’t “need to work” (lol, lmao) but at least not being in caffeine withdrawal is already doing wonders for how I feel on the weekend.

#adhd #big opinions on 'dont take this medication you need to make your brain work right on days you arent producing capital for society'#but whatever makes the month long prescription last a little longer i guess

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kyogre-blue · 9 months

Text

Since I need to emotionally prepare for the mom branch, I did the last branch of Kaveh’s hangout instead.

It’s very simple. Another architect has switched careers and opened up a training center for teaching architecture instead. Kaveh joins as an instructor, but quickly realizes that the classes are largely useless for actual education and the senior is just ripping off students while convincing them that they’ll be able to have a lucrative career in architecture (which is untrue, it is stated to be a uniquely shitty career choice). Additionally, the only way the students can afford the high tuition is via illegal loans through his collaborator. We beat up the loan shark and save the day.

There isn’t too much to say, but again, the writing is unfocused and this takes away from what it’s trying to say.

I have two specific issues with this branch.

First, the students at the center all use the child models. I can kind of accept the kids all going “I’m learning architecture because I want to make money!” if we think of it as something they picked up from their parents, but the fact that not only the scummy instructor but also Kaveh keep talking about teaching them architecture specifically is..... bizarre?

Shouldn’t you teach them math first? As per Faruzan’s hangout, it’s pretty common for people to not even be literate. How are these kids even vaguely ready to start learning the basics of architecture...?

Second, there’s an issue where the story wants to talk about the morality of what the scummy instructor was doing, but they also need to make it illegal so that the issue can be resolved. This creates a dissonance where Kaveh keeps saying “oh, I couldn’t do what he’s doing because the voice in my heart would torment me about how immoral it is,” but buddy... what he’s doing is illegal and the bigger problem is that he’s going to jail for it. He’s not gonna have time to feel bad about all the material wealth he’s amassed through unethical means because he’s going to jail for it.

In fact, I spent a good while trying to understand whether the situation even WAS illegal, since Kaveh’s objections were like this:

Aka, what you’d doing is morally wrong.

The actual issue:

In other words, if these two morons charged “only” 30% interest, they could have kept their business running, and there would be nothing we could do about it. But Genshin can’t tackle a problem that complex.

Kaveh immediately after we’re told this guy is probably going to jail:

For like three more dialogue boxes, too.

You’d also go to jail tho. There’s that.

Assorted screenshots:

Although it’s not stated, this likely means that Kaveh has never lectured at the Akademiya either, which I see a lot in fic.

Just mention of the Akademiya entrance exam. It’s unclear if this exam is a general ed situation where it’s the same for all Darshans, or if each Darshan has a different exam.

Given how many different areas each Darshan covers, it seems unlikely to be a tailored exam... but that makes Kaveh’s insistence on teaching the kids specifically architecture even more puzzling, since he explicitly states that they should use the tutoring to enter the Akademiya.

(The actual issue here is that the writers can’t keep it straight whether the Akademiya is meant to be a grade school or college level, so they end up using it as a stand in for both, but they’re not the same thing.)

Just an interesting point, especially in light of the rampant illiteracy. Same for the entrance exam.

#playing genshin

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gamecubesystem · 9 months

Note

Hello! Excuse me for jumping in your DMs, but I'm a little confused about myself and I wanted to ask you a question if that's okay. How did you know you were in a system? Can you tell when someone different fronts? And what does that feel like? I think I may be plural myself and I'm having a hard time understanding what I'm feeling.

You do NOT need to reply to this if this is too invasive or uncomfortable, and if it is, I'm super sorry!

1. How did you know you were in a system

I'm gonna be honest, I got way too high. That's how I found out. If I never smoked weed, I genuinely think I'd still be blissfully unaware.

When I turned 18, my best friend's mom gave me some edibles. Maybe not the best decision, but like free drugs. Obviously, having never consumed weed before, I had no tolerance. This led to me "teleporting" around and feeling like I was floating away.

For a while, I was convinced that I broke my brain because it kept lingering. I was still teleporting. I was still feeling like I was floating away. Then it suddenly hit me that I've always felt like that. Turns out, weed makes me disassociate. I started having a bit of a substance abuse problems when I realized this because, my exact words if I remember correctly, "it already feels like I'm high, I'm just making it so that it feels less weird because now I'm supposed to be high". I looked into it for a while, but was like, "Nahhh, but there aren't any guys in my brain though. I'd KNOW"

And so, once again, I got way too high and someone else fronted that was very much objectively "not me". It was a young child who couldn't talk. Up to this point, me and my friend were making "jokes" that I had it. Like obviously there is more to it than that, and I'm not endorsing drugs. That's just how it worked out for me.

Looking back, there were many warning signs, but I am still sometimes I'm worried that I'm experiencing psychosis because I'm pretty sure I experienced psychosis in middle school, but also I have a tendency to exaggerate things in my head so maybe I was just being normal imaginative thinking that everyone around me wasn't real and that I was dead. Idk idk. (Whoopsie, trauma dump)

But like looking back, there were some clues. I remember having time gaps. Like there is video evidence that I was in a play as a kid and I remember practicing for it, but I also remember being very frustrated that "I practiced all for nothing because every adult in my life just stopped talking about it for some reason" but also maybe that's normal 4 year old stuff.

I also remember in 6th grade being confused why the moment I left science class, I'd not remember science class.

I used to "talk to Jesus" kind of like how I "talk" to the other guys in my head. Idk. Maybe Jesus did that stupid church play. (I have no actual proof that I had a Jesus alter)

When hanging out with people, sometimes I'd feel genuinely out of control with my actions. Like I couldn't stop myself from doing somethings. Or like I'd be doing stuff that I wasn't actively trying to do.

The teleporting thing I mentioned earlier

Being told by my best friend how inconsistent I was. "I thought you hated eggs". It was mostly food. I just chalked that one up to Autism. I chalked most of these things up to Autism.

Sometimes when I "spaced out" I'd have multiple trains of thoughts and I'd randomly come into them.

I'm kind of banking rn, I'm gonna be honest

2. Can you tell when someone different fronts?

Kind of. Sometimes it feels like different moods and the moods have feelings. Sort of. That's what it felt like before I actually knew what was happening. I just assumed it was because I was autistic and masking. Like I noticed I acted distinctly different in social situations, but once again assumed it was masking. And that when I was masking, I was also masking my opinions and feelings.

Now since I'm more aware, it's easier. The three easiest to tell are Klause (that's me), Winter, and Bowie. Bowie can't talk and the thought of talking makes her want to throw up. Technically she can talk, but it makes her anxious. That's pretty easy to figure out. She's also pretty childish.

Winter has more disassociation than everyone else and is just really easy to tell. It's hard to explain.

And I think I might just be biased towards myself. I'm fairly childish, but in an adult way. Me and Winter have been the main fronters recently so Its kind of like If it isn't him, it's probably me. Our friend is honestly better at telling than us.

There are two main kind of switches. Possessive and nonpossesive. Ours are nonpossesive. It's kind of hard to explain, but it's more like there is a single consciousness but it morphs into who's fronting. There's still consciousness, though.

3. What does it feel like?

This one is kind of a hard one since I've lived with it for basically my whole life that I can remember. It's kinda like asking what being Autistic feels like I guess.

It depends on who it is.

I genuinely can't explain this super well. But some of the alters have specific vibes almost? Like one of them feels like a nostalgic smell I can never place. I can't remember which one does this because I'm super sleepy. It's 3 AM for me and I was moving. I was typing this in-between that so if it's disjointed I'm really sorry. I like answering questions and maybe you'll get a different view point from someone else next time Lol.

-Klause

Also don't worry about it being invasive or uncomfortable. I like being asked questions

#ask #did #did system #slay #alter #system #did alter #dissasociative identity disorder #tw: drugs #tw drugs #complex dissociative disorder #dissociative disorder #dissociative identity disorder #actually did #actually dissociative #did introject

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beefmastersblog · 1 year

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Sailor Moon

I actually haven’t watched Sailor Moon before, but one of my friends kept raving about it and how good it is. And honestly, after the few episodes we had to watch for this class, I realized I actually do like it. Normally, I would not appreciate these types of fighting, girl power pieces, but I think the reading for today also made me appreciate it more.

I thought the reading was really good. It focused on the idea of girl power, a media construct that is a form of empowerment for women that is rooted in third-wave feminism, but is also a media construct that limits feminine empowerment to a specific body type and performance. The author of the article explains that it is the ability for young women to achieve personal empowerment while maintaining a distinctly girlish style, with that style of expression both promoting and reclaiming traditional feminine stereotypes, but now redefining them as sources of empowerment, allowing the girls to find personal pleasure and success simultaneously.

Sailor Moon is a perfect example of this, especially the aspect of femininity, as all of the Sailor Scouts are feminine, wearing short and girly school uniforms. However, not only is their outfit very uniquely feminine, but their personalities and manner of fighting are as well. Sailor moon doesn’t want to just jump in and save the day, she is afraid of fighting unless it is absolutely necessary. They fight just like male heroes without this need to become male, something we see a lot in pieces of media before this, where the girls that did fight were very masculine. But this stage of the feminist movement and the media that surrounds it, focuses on the girls fighting in their own unique way, keeping their girlish appearance and fighting as a woman, not a man. We see a lot of Sailor Moon’s fighting moves are very feminine, such as her “sailor tiara toss”, especially when you compare it to the way Tuxedo Mask fights, which is much more masculine. A major critique of this girl power movement is that it is still restricted by the patriarchal ideals of what it means to be feminine. This means, an ideal body type, long hair, short skirts, and other ideas of hyperfemininity, even though you can be a girl without any of that.

A major theme in this anime is that of teenage identity. Despite being a superhero, Usagi is a teenage girl at heart. For example, she has crushes on different guys, like the man from the video game store, and Tuxedo Mask. She doesn’t really seem to want to be a superhero, and doesn’t seem to want to fight, she just wants to live her normal life, where her biggest problems aren’t risking her life fighting villains, but instead crushing on guys, getting bad grades on tests, or being late to school.

Another thing the reading talked about was the idea of empowerment, specifically the physical body as a sense of empowerment for women. You need perfect bodies in order to have that “girl power” because the whole idea of it is to be fighting bad guys while maintaining that feminine appearance. A study cited in the reading talked about the ways in which teenage girls specifically are preoccupied with their appearance and bodies. Episode 4 really highlighted this, as we watch Usagi and her friends work to diet and lose weight, even though they are already incredibly thin. I also noticed that Sailor V is also incredibly thin. I think this was a unique choice to include an episode focusing on the ways women try to lose weight to appeal to the male gaze, and I think that is something that to some extent, still holds true today. But when the man who worked at the video game store mentioned that he prefers chubbier girls, Usagi suddenly decides she doesn’t want to diet anymore. The only reason she starts freaking out about the diet and the gym again is because Luna says that he won’t like her if she becomes fat, which is what is going to happen if she keeps eating all of those dumplings. In this way, we can see that the reasoning behind her diet and exercise craze isn’t because of a desire to be healthier or look better for herself, it is to be more appealing for the male gaze.

Overall, I really liked this anime. I thought it was very cute and interesting and I loved Usagi as a character. She was very relatable and I think it is important to have characters like her in the media, who are struggling with typical teenage problems, but can still be a superhero. Usually we just see very confident heroes, so it was a nice change of pace. I also thought the girl power theme was very interesting and I learned a lot from the reading.

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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 2 years

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I just saw a post that someone wrote about how they were very good at the in-class parts of their university degree, but executive function issues interfered with their ability to work at home, so their grades were not as good as those of other people who weren’t nearly as socially engaged in the class. I started to reblog it with my own experiences, and then realized I had a long enough self-indulgent rant on the subject so I don’t want to take over someone else’s post with it, and I’m just making my own.

It’s interesting to me to read that some people found being at school easy and working at home hard, because I was the opposite, and it shows how much different circumstances can make things work for one person but catastrophically not work for another. When I did my university degree... all seven years that it took me to get a four-year degree for a huge number of reasons that are all connected to mental health problems, I could normally do the work, but I couldn’t go to class. I got so overwhelmed by the campus and all the other people there. It’s only recently that it stopped triggering severe anxiety in me to just see a university lecture hall even in a TV show or something, as I came to associate the setting with so much difficulty. Sometimes people ask me what were the names of my peers or professors in university, and I say I don’t know. When I had to go to campus I sat in the lecture hall and kept my head down and took notes and tried not to have panic attacks until I was allowed to leave. But I could function at home, in my bedroom, with no one looking at me.

The biggest thing that messed me up was the way as years went on, there was more of a focus on in-class stuff. The first semester of my second year happened to occur at one of the lowest points in my life, when I was so depressed I could barely leave my bedroom even to eat, but I could take my textbooks into bed with me and read them. After the first two weeks of school, I didn’t set foot on campus except when I absolutely had to be there to write a midterm. But I still finished my five courses with two As and two A+s because I was very pragmatic about reading all the textbooks and writing everything I learned from them into my assignments.

I thought I’d be able to get by on that, but the next semester had so many courses that gave marks for class participation and group work and things like that, and there was more and more of that every semester, it went downhill really fast. I learned to check the syllabus on the first day of every semester and if there was a required group project in any class, I’d just drop it and pick up another one. But one time a course that was required for my degree had a group project, and I just didn’t do it. I couldn’t bring myself to go to campus and... I don’t even know what the procedure is for finding group work partners in university, because I never did it. I know some of my worst memories of elementary and middle school were being a kid with no friends looking around the room when we had to find partners for a project, trying to find someone but 90% of the time ending up in the horribly awkward situation of being the only one left while the teacher asked if any other kids were willing to let me into their group. I was not about to re-live that as an adult, so I just didn’t. I never physically went to that class, never joined a group, gave up that 30% of my grade. I managed to just barely pass that class by turning in everything else.

I spent a few years barely scraping by, until I got to my last year, when almost every course gave out significant marks based on participation or presentations and things like that, combined with another especially bad mental health time that meant I didn’t have it in me to try to make up for giving up all those marks by doing everything else really well. I failed almost every course, got kicked out of my program because you have to pass most courses to stay in it, and had to go through the really shitty process of gathering proof of my mental health diagnoses so I could get back in on medical accommodation. Fortunately my appeal was granted and they gave me another chance to get my last few courses, I signed up for some online ones and managed to barely scrape by with passing grades, since by then I’d struggled so much with school that even looking at my textbooks gave me awful anxiety. I could barely look at my textbooks, I couldn’t see lecture halls on TV, I felt sick when I heard the word “campus” or “professor” or saw my school’s logo or anything to do with academia. I got my degree, got out of there, said thank God I never have to do or think about school ever again.

A few years ago, and about five years after I’d finished university, I started an online-only college program (just before COVID, so even if I’d signed up for the version with in-person classes I’d probably have been moved to online anyway). After being a university student who started out with As and A+s and end up failing out and then just barely getting over the passing threshold, I became a college student who got almost all A+s in all courses of all three schoolwork semesters. Because, guess what? It turns out that I’m not actually unintelligent, and I’m not even actually bad at school. If you let me do it in my own space, I’m quite good at it. I’m just bad at human interaction, especially in an academic setting.

It’s genuinely interesting to me that others had the opposite experience, could do it in person but not the rest of it. And it does show how much when we talk about accommodation, it means lots of different things. It’s very helpful for me that they have online-only college programs that let me show what I actually know, instead of measuring how good I am at handling social settings. And it’s good for other people to be able to share how much they actually know by participating in discussions or whatever else works for them, if they can’t handle a long time spent starting at a screen writing things down. If what matters is that people know the material, there are lots of ways to test that. And it would be good if everyone had the option of testing it in a way that does not leave them unable to watch campus-based sitcoms because anything related to academia makes them want to cry (for the record I’m largely over that trigger now, I watched the show Fresh Meat last year and quite enjoyed it, but I genuinely would not have been able to watch that show a couple of years earlier).

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itsallcomplicated · 9 months

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I wish my parents DID put me through therapy when I was 6.

TW: Mental health, Immigrant household, self harm, drugs, alcohol

I grew up in a Mexican Immigrant household where mental health was scorned upon and seen as a burden. I don't think my parents were even aware of the word "anxiety" until I was 16, and even when I was trying to explain to them just how anxious I was and how I was so afraid of it eating me up, they instead turned to me and accused me of being on drugs. Of course, we moved past this, but that's the problem at hand, we only moved past it. We didn't attempt to solve anything, or try to find me some healthy coping mechanisms, or even attempt to understand my triggers. Moving past it became my motto for the rest of my life, and I didn't even understand just how unhealthy that was.

I'm 22 now, and I'm trying my hardest to clean up a mess that I hadn't even realized had gotten so bad. I wouldn't say my anxiety is debilitating, but I would say it's kept me from trying so many times. I've learned some pretty rough habits when it comes to coping and communicating about my feelings, many of them being unhealthy and ultimately causing rifts in relationships around me. I know I'm at an age where everyone around me is starting to find their footing and their stride, and I feel like I'm just now learning to stand up. No one's journey is alike, but sometimes I wish mine could have been different. Sometimes, I really wish my parents had come from a place of understanding and concern when my first grade teacher told them that I had attention span problems, and I may suffer from ADD/ADHD. I wonder what would have happened if my parents allowed the schools therapist to just talk to me and allow me to find proper resources and counseling that could have ultimately helped me shape proper and healthier coping mechanisms than the ones I've learned on my own that often cause me more harm than good. Instead though, my parents ignored this and moved past what they thought was just a chatty child who couldn't stay quiet during reading time.

I wonder if by my parents letting this one situation happen, would I have any anxiety today? Most of my anxiety starts from the moment my attention drifts away from a task I meant and needed to do. From the moment that I actively start to think one hundred million different thoughts and start ten different tasks, I have started an absolutely terrifying journey of anxiety and dread that I just simply didn't want to partake in. I end up putting so many things off, that I'll end up turning around and realizing that I have so much to do now and so little time.

You see, it's really easy to just write it off to personality and even the goddamn zodiac. "She's such a taurus!" Yeah sure, tauruses are lazy and we love food, but there is no reason I should be laying in bed on a Tuesday eating an entire bag of Puffs. Tiktok has made it so easy to excuse the ill behaviors and negative coping mechanisms I have, I can write it off as a "rot" day, or as a "self care" day, but how many self care days can I have before I have to admit that I'm just procrastinating and disassociating before my brain catches up to me and realizes how behind we are and now I have to be anxious for the next week? I gotta uninstall Tiktok, it really just fortifies my intentions of staying in bed, especially when I start doom scrolling. I'm aware now, obviously, that these behaviors and my lack of self discipline in exchange make things difficult for me. I've become too comfortable staying comfortable, and doing absolutely nothing with my time. I've started becoming hyperaware of the fact that I am incredibly lazy and all too okay with people taking care of me. But I've had enough of myself being a loser (I have to be mean to myself here guys, it's only because I KNOW I can do better) and allow myself to just try for once in a really long time. I can always make up an excuse to explain my behavior, or to defend my right to staying in my bed all day and call it an act of self care. But at the end of the day, I have got to be honest with myself and understand that this constant excusing and defending my behavior will ultimately lead me down the horrible rabbithole of anxiety and self deprecation. Being lazy is my version of giving up. I'm really tired of myself being so uninspired. Kim Kardashian was so right, I do need to get my ass up and work. (pls that was just a joke)

It's easy to give up, because giving up means that I didn't have to fail due to other circumstances, I failed because I didn't even want to try. It was my choice to fail, and I could live with that. I liked this control. But we'll unpack my need for control some other time, because that's become a prevalent issue in my life.

Therapy could absolutely help me find healthier coping mechanisms and just help me function. But I'm terrified of therapy. I wish that going to therapy wasn't as scary as my parents have positioned it to be in my head, but I'm terrified to make the decision to go in and speak to someone. I think it's the thought of someone else having to realize that I've gravely set my own self behind, and I didn't even realize it. I always feel like it's too late to try again, but that's a lie. I have a whole life ahead of me, I just need to learn the proper tools to take care of myself and actually hit the ground running with the anticipation of continuing to try. I know I'll thank myself when I finally make the decision.

I tried therapy only once in my adulthood, and it was actually the worst experience ever. I went more as an act of rebellion and to prove to my parents that therapy could be beneficial. On my first and only meeting with my therapist, I filled a questionnaire out. It was questions like "Do you experience thoughts of self harm? Have you smoked marijuana? Do you drink alcohol?", and to be quite honest with you at that point in my life, I was answering with a whole lot of yes's. I was 20, first time on my own, living in a shared apartment with easy access to both weed and alcohol. I didn't know what discipline was, so yes, taking advantage of both substances was going to be my go to. I was also going through the most ridiculous breakup of my life, but that deserves it's own post. Also the pandemic. Everyone was having a hard time. Anyways, the questionnaire evidently now led my therapist to believe I was undergoing a horrible manic episode and I was showing signs of mania. I was horrified and she further frightened me by telling me I may have schizophrenia. I never went back after that session, because truly that just boggled my mind and I just thought she was going to tell me I was depressed or anxious. So I moved past it, and didn't ever look back at therapy. I regret letting that first session warp my feelings towards therapy, because I seriously needed the help then. I need the help now, but omg that girl in 2021 needed it way more. After three months of dealing with an atrocious breakup while living with my ex and also meeting a really confusing situationship, and becoming an alcoholic, I created really bad habits and coping mechanisms. I'm unlearning them everyday, and everyday I know I heal more and more from the bullshit I've caused. Therapy can still be a resource I can reach out to, and I know I'll work up the courage one day, but I'm just happy to say that I want to try.

REMINDER: This is just a vent post. My entire blog is literally just my journal to express myself, otherwise I think I will explode. Peace, love, gossip girl xoxo 💋

#mental health #trying #self care #self improvement

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nix-the-night · 1 year

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Better

I wanted to share something with you that I thought about a while ago.

There was this girl, she was in my class last year and for a long time she was my friend. Maybe even best friend for a while, because there was a time when I only had her (this is not that uncommon for me, a lot of times I only have one friend or only 2. Until today, the maximum amount of simultaneous friends I had was 3 or 4, and that is not a big problem for me, I even like having few or none, many friends give work and sometimes a lot of headache).

She was and is very beautiful, intelligent and many other adjectives. She could be kind at times, but to be honest, she also treated me pretty bad sometimes. She had a lot of friends, practically all the girls in the room and some gays (all of them, actually, because they only had 2 out, the others were also her friends, but pretended to be straight, or didn't know they were gay yet). She read a lot, from the classic authors to the most recent and famous ones, like Sarah J. Maas and others.

For a while, I thought I liked her, I was kind of deluded by the times she treated me right, and I must have been going through something, that I ended up thinking I felt this way (which is also not uncommon, my feelings could be wrong several times and I don't even know if I've ever really loved someone, maybe because of my feelings they always deceive me, or I just don't know what love is like). Fortunately that didn't last long, and I couldn't declare myself to her, perhaps she even liked me back, but I didn't realize it, and now it doesn't matter, thinking about it just brings me anxiety. After a while, and after I stopped thinking I liked her, I started thinking about some things that really made me very anxious, I started thinking about how she was a better person than me.

She was smarter than me, she was prettier than me, she read more than me, she wrote better than me, her grades were better, she had more friends than me, she knew how to deal better with these friends, she had few (or none) psychological and mental problems, or at least she didn't have any that affected her life that much, she knew how to socialize, she didn't freak out, she was rich, she could date whoever she wanted, boy or girl, everyone could want her, if she wanted, and especially, she didn't screw up anything, she never hurt anyone, she never treated anyone but me badly, she kept her friends close and never hurt any of them.

I know I sound crazy saying this, but that's how my brain works, compulsively and out of control. Thinking about all this makes me very anxious. Although I don't mind some of these traits, like having lots of friends, or being able to date whoever you want, all of these traits and others make me think that she's a much better person than I am and that makes me stay with a mixture of anxiety and anger. For example, when I took the test to get into my new high school, I got 34 questions right, while she got 35 right, we both came in first place, in different categories, but her grade was higher than mine (or at least it would be if she also had a racial quota, but she is white, very white). It made me angry and anxious, again I felt inferior… the grade was like proof of that. I don't know why I feel that way, maybe it's because of anxiety, or it's just competitiveness, but anyway, now I can't think of her anymore, or even see her name, or her profile picture, it pisses me off, so much so that one of the reasons I chose to study in the morning at my school was because I knew she would study in the afternoon, and I think that then I would have fewer problems (thinking about it now, maybe running away from the problem is not the best way to deal with that, but the morning course is better, and I already chose it, so there's nothing to do, and I think I should try to deal with it first within myself and then try to deal with it personally).

Anyway, that was what I always felt, it even made me not feel so happy about having passed school, but recently, I thought about some things and I realized the following: I don't have control over a lot of these things (Stoic thinking), and also she has much more favorable conditions to be the way she is. she was born beautiful, white, and into a wealthy family that doesn't mind her being bi and even supports it; she always knew how to socialize and despite being an introvert, she always had many friends; she has time to read everything she wants, and she doesn't have anxiety problems or anything else that makes it difficult for her to, for example, study traditionally; for having more conditions, she was able to study more and even take a course to try to get into the new school; she manages to have faith in the existence of a god, and can always trust him for all things, without many questions and on top of that having several other faithfuls with her; she has a feeling of community, support, always has, for her everything is easier, because she was born and raised in conditions for this.

Ok, it seems a lot like I'm just trying to make excuses for all of this, and maybe I am, but it brings me more comfort, makes me feel better, lighter. To me after realizing all this I also thought about how many of these things are also just things she worked so hard to have, and that I shouldn't use the excuse that she was born with better conditions to simply stop trying to be better, because she also worked hard for the things she achieved, and I can work hard too, and I can work harder than her. I have decided that from now on I will continue to strive to be better, not to be better than her, but to be better for me and for the people around me, to be not only a decent person, but a good person, a truly admirable person, a strong person, a kind person. I will read more, I will write more and better, when I make friends, I will be nice to them, treat them well and never hurt them. I'm going to train and take care of myself to look good and take care of myself psychologically, so I don't freak out and stop suffering so much with things. And also, I'm going to start trying to accept myself and accept the fact I'm not perfect, I don't need to be better than her, or better than anyone, I just need to be comfortable to myself, and for that, I think I probably need to at least, don't freak out and be kind to people around me.

That's what I'm going to do.

That's how I want to be.

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