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junipers-archive · 1 year

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Paper Rings

Word count: 1.1k

Includes: tiny itty bit of angst to fluff, fluff, fluff, Spencer has been acting distant so you try to start up a conversation, ultimately leading to his confession about wanting to marry you but never finding the right moment

You were worried. More than usual worried, worried. Spencer had been acting odd lately, and for the past few weeks you had been trying your best to ignore it.

It was hard though, he had been distant, almost neglectful, his once cheerful and atentative attitude when listening to your day or the new book you'd been reading gone and replaced by a cool indifrence.

You were near to him now, sitting on the sunflower yellow sofa in your apartment, reading different books. But instead of being next to you he was on the other side of the couch.

In an attempt to start up a conversation you mentioned one of your fresher pieces of news,

"Hey Spence", He didn't even look up, just hummed.

You scooted closer, "Uh- I- Well you know my cousin? Marion, the one who got engaged a few months back?"

"yea" his eyes shifted up quickly and then right back down to his book.

"Well they finally set a date! I got my invite in the mail yesterday morning, it's in Hawaii!!"

"Oh, really?" he wasn't even glancing up now to seem interested.

Nevertheless, you tried one last time with enthusiasm, hoping he'd be kind enough to take pity and reciprocate even a fraction of it.

"So whadaya say handsome, be my plus one?"

"mhm." mhm. That's what your relationship had dwindled down to?

You shook your head, tears pricking your eyes as you got up from the sofa, trying really hard not to cry. But there was only so much you could take, was he seeing someone else? What had you done to make him so upset?

But that was the thing he wasn't even yelling at you! You'd become an irrelevant part of his life without even realizing it.

By this time you were grabbing your things in a scramble, trying to get out, get out of the apartmentget, get out of his life if thats what he really wanted. When it occurred to you that he was still obsorbed in that stupid book of his.

And you had to know, You just had to.

"Did I do something?! What-Just tell me what I did Spencer please!"

You were standing before him now, waving your arms around manically.

"Y-Y/n, whats wrong?"

"I don't know Spencer you tell me! I mean first I thought it was a case you were on that had put you off, or maybe that we'd been apart for too long but weeks went by! Its been weeks and you still won't even look me in the eye when we're talking!" You fail in your previous attempts to keep the tears at bay as droplets fall down your flushed cheeks.

He was stunned but eventually he found his words, "I-I- that wasn't my intention, I- just- I-"

You were hysterical at this point, he couldn't even tell you?

"Look Spencer. If you wanna break up, just say it already!"

You were one second away from storming out when he spoke up again, catching you by the wrist and leading you down the hall to the bedroom quickly.

"Look I'm really, really sorry Y/n its just that- well it'd be easier if I just showed you."

You came to sit on the bed, arms crossed over your chest as if armor protecting you from being hurt.

He was searching through the back of the closet you shared, finally pulling out a shoe box. He sat down next to you, opening the box, where rested an old sweater of his that had been worn thin and a black velvet box sitting within.

He handed the small compartment over to you explaining frantically,

"I've wanted to marry you for a long time now, hell Y/n I wanted to marry you since the moment I met you. But I kept chickening out and for the past few weeks I've taken you to our spots to pop the question but I-I- nothing was ever good enough...I couldn't find the perfect moment."

he looked straight in your eyes now, which were watery, overwhelmed by the idea he wanted to marry you just as much as you wanted to marry him. "You deserve the perfect moment. And not being able to provide that to you, it tore me apart, so...I became distant, praying I was good enough but also hoping you's find someone better..."

"I-I understand completely that this isn't the time or place but when I saw that you were crying- I just I needed you to know that the reason I was being so distant wasn't because I wanted to break up, far from it! I want to spend the rest of my life with you!"

You opened the box now, silently falling in love even more as you gazed down at the your dream ring.

Finally lifting your gaze to the boy in front of you and kissing him deeply, finding your voice again as you pulled back grinning,

"You're an idiotic-genius, you know that?"

He only grinned back, "Yea, yea I'm fairly aware."

You slipped on the ring, it was perfect fit.

"Well...Are you gonna ask me?"

He shook his head, "You're gonna have to wait till i find our perfect moment."

You grumbled like a digruntled child, leaping back on the bed and guarding your ring finger as he tried to take it back. Ultimately he ended up on top of you, both of you play wrestling like children.

"Y/n. Give. It. Back."

"NO its my ring now! You can't take it back! You practically already proposed!"

"You said yourself, I technically haven't asked!"

"Well why don't I keep it for now, just until you're ready?" You were wearing a shit-eating grin as you looked up at him, he had pinned you down with his hands on your wrists.

"No way. What Would I propose with then?"

You craned your neck to kiss him then, albeit akwardly. "I'd marry you with paper rings Dr. Reid."

He had gotten admittedly lost in your sweet words, which you used as your opprutunity to slide out from under him, once more flashing you giant grin before running out of the room.

"Y/N!"

The afternoon was lost to him chasing you around the apartment as you chanted, "Paper rings dr. Reid! Paper rings!"

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7ndipity · 10 months

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Fights with them

Ot7 x Reader

Summary: what they would be like during fights/arguments

Warnings: a lot of angst, not proofread

A/N: after days of struggling to work(hello executive disfunction) I got this request, and my brain decided to jump back into gear and I wrote this in like an hour, as well as half of another request!? 🤷idk, I'm not gonna question it, I'm just glad I'm writing again.

Masterlist

Requests are open

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Seokjin: as much as he bickers with the members, I think he has a rather avoidant personality when it comes to real conflict. He's said he allergic to seriousness, which can definitely become an issue if not careful, as it can one off as indifferent or dismissive. I think he usually ends up snapping and saying something short but pointed, and then walks away before things can escalate further. Always comes back all apologetic, and tries to work through things more calmly.

Yoongi: He's very upfront and sometimes blunt, and he's said before that he hates getting angry/fighting, so I think most issues would be resolved before they can turn into a full blown fight. But I also think he might have a tendency to ignore/avoid smaller issues until they build up. In the moment, he's not that loud, but he's very sharp with his words. Immediately regrets saying anything that might have hurt you afterwards. Definitely needs some time to himself to think and get his emotions under control, but would want to apologize and resolve everything as quickly as possible.

Hobi: He's almost to open too let a fight brew properly. He'll see it coming be like, "wait, let's step back and sort this out" before it gets out of hand. When they do happen though, he's loud only for a moment, and then the rest of the time, he's unnervingly quiet. As I said in his dating HCs, fights almost always culminate in tears because he can't stand y'all being upset with each other. Like, it causes him physical pain. Makes up the fastest out of all the members.

Namjoon: tbh, I think I would fight with him the most out of the members. He's soo stubborn and passive aggressive. Tries to dismiss the issue to de-escalate the situation, but that almost always backfires. Gets loud and slams things/doors, then gets mad at himself for letting his emotions get the better of him. Definitely needs time to cool off before coming back to talk to you; could be an hour, could be three days, depends on the situation. But he does always come back to talk it out with you.

Jimin: I know several of the big fight stories involve him, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he's overly combative, I just think that when he feels strongly about something, he won't back down, which can be a good thing, until it isn't. If it's a smaller argument, he'll just say something snappish and then move on like nothing happened, but in bigger fights, he can rival Joon on volumeand intensity. He can also hold a grudge like you wouldn't believe, so communication is a super important part of resolving the issue so nothing brews into bitterness.

Taehyung: He has a tendency to get very wrapped up in the moment and take things personally, so even small fights can snowball into something bigger if you're not careful. Yells and tries to put up a tough exterior, but starts to crack pretty quick and will want to leave before his other emotions show too much. Another crier(same). Ultimately, can't stand being away from you for too long, the type that will climb in bed and hold you, but not speak because the wounds are still fresh. Will probably talk it out with you the next morning.

Jungkook: He's such a emotional and overly reactive person, so I see fights being a common occurrence with him tbh. With smaller fights, he stays pretty calm, but when things escalate, he's all over the place. Definitely an angry crier. For some reason, I don't see him really yelling during fights? He's more like Hobi in that, if he does, it only happens in bursts and the rest of the time, his tone is just slightly raised(like when he scolds ppl during lives). Does not like to walk away and wants to sort things out then and there, even though that's probably not the best idea, but he doesn't want to let the tension drag on longer than it has to.

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lost-in-fiction-like-ur-mom · 11 months

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Following you to the ends of the earth Pt. 2

Brandon Stark x Reader

Summary- Part 2 to my first work under the same title. As the story progresses, Bran and readers relationship does too. Taking place in the cave still, they face the white walkers. Part one right here! A/N- OH Em GEE you guys, tysm for all the likes and reposts, it makes me feel really good that yall are liking this story as much as I am! Love yall so much! Word count- 3,285

You were always a light sleeper. Maybe it was because you were never truly safe, that you always needed to be on your toes. That's what happens when your betrothed is Brandon Stark. The soon-to-be Three-Eyed Raven. A lifestyle you knew many girls would reject or resent, but you wouldn't change it for the word. If always being hyper-aware kept you close to Bran, then so be it.

Although you never slept very long, holding Bran certainly helped. Which you did a lot more since becoming engaged. Not a night went by where he wasn't leaning into your side, chest, lap, or shoulder. The only times you weren't holding him, he was holding you.

This particular night, Brandon was the restless one. His head resting on your thighs, acting as a pillow. You were fast asleep, back pressed up agaist some of the roots and stone inside the cave.

Bran looked all over in the darkness, trying to distract himself from his growing boredom. He contemplated waking you, but he knew you needed sleep more than him at that moment.

Ultimately, he lifted his head fom you, hair disheveled. He immediately regretted it as he heard you groan at the lack of warmth and pressure. Luckily you stayed asleep.

First, he started to play with the dirt that padded the floor. Careful to not get any on you, he lifted it in his hands and spread it back out. This amused him for only a minute. He then thought to Summer. She was ears-up watching him, but he was only greeted by a tilt of her head.

With a sigh, he tried to lean himself up against the wall, just as you were. He stared at you for a moment. Just taking in your features. The small pout your lip that had gained seconds previously, the way your head slightly leaned to him. Even the small scar you had on your temple, result of a bad encounter in the woods.

He then worried that you might think lowly of him for looking at you, sleeping so softly. That being said, he changed his glance to the Old man. How could the Three-Eyed Raven sleep so much? It made Bran upset just thinking about the wasted time in the cave.

The Three-Eyed Raven was always insisting that 'Bran needed rest', sometimes only after one vision. If Bran was going to become the Three-Eyed Raven one day, they would need to pick up the pace.

It was this mentality that had Bran picking up the finger bone of a far passed figure. He tossed the bone up to the Old man in an attempt to wake him, but was unsuccessful. With a deeper sigh this time, he decided to take matters into his own hands.

With a small grunt he moved to a crawling position to grab a branch in front of you and him.

"Bran?" You spoke out to him, noticing he was gone. "Are you ok?" You whispered.

He sqeezed his eyes closed for a second, scolding himself for waking you. "I am, go back to sleep." He said, turning to face you with a smile.

"What are you doing?" You persisted.

"Nothing, I'm just restless. I promise." He insisted.

As much as you wanted to call him over to smother him in affection and cuddle his worries away, you didn't know if he would be comfortable with that yet. The look on his face seemed like it had a goal, like he was trying to do something. But, you trusted him and did not want to bother him further.

Maybe if you knew what was going to happen you would have done things differently...

"If you need anything, let me know." You gave him a pleasant smile, which he studied with all his might, before turning on your side to try to gain sleep again.

His heart warmed, and he thought about returning to snuggle up and try to fall asleep. But, he couldn't deny that he felt a type of calling, and with frowned brows he faced the branch infront of him again.

Inhale. Exhale. Then he grabbed the branch, going deep into another vision.

Suddenly, he was outside. Powdered snow beneath him, with more falling from the sky. He walked on to the large tree in the middle of the snowy field.

Unusual stones flowed around the tree, but seemingly abandoned. With confusion rich on his face, he turned completely around to take in his surroundings.

After looking away then back to behind him, an army appeared. Thousands of bodies, but none human.

All were still and looked of decaying flesh, nothing humane about them except for the ripped clothing they wore.

This did nothing to help his confusion, but he marched on. Forcing his way through the frozen hoard of beings. Until he reached the end.

Four iced figures on decaying horses were sat at the back of the mob. Bran approached them, yearning for a better look. Until one of their heads snapped. Now looking directly at Bran.

He couldn't have possibly been seen? Right?

All of a sudden, the whole of the army was surrounding him. All looking right at Bran.

He turned fearfully, panting. Now met face-to-face with the leader of the hoard, The Night King.

Bran tried to back away, but was not quick enough. The Night King was too fast, and was right in Brans way.

A loud scream left his lips, he didn’t know if it was in pain or fear.

Your eyes snapped open at the sound and anxiety hit your veins like ice. You were fully awake now, adrenaline pumping.

"Brandon, Wha-" You were interrupted by a frantic Bran.

"He saw me, he saw me, The Night King saw me!" He exclaimed to you and The Three-Eyed Raven.

Surprisingly calm, the Old Man asked, "Did he touch you?"

'I-I don't know, he was close but.." At his words you were already on your feet, knelt down by Brans side. You examined him for and visible wounds.

"He touched you." The Three-Eyed Raven commented, and you raised both of Brans sleeves up. His left arm unscathed, thankfully. But he was not so lucky, for when you pulled up his right sleeve, you were met with an Icy hand print, that might have left an Ice burn scar.

Now everyone was awake, and questioning what happened. You let out a mix between a gasp and short cry at his forearm. "Oh gosh..." At your words, Bran looked up at you. Horror filled his eyes and you tried your best to console him with one hand to his back, and other fingers combing his messy hair.

"He knows you're here, he will come for you." The Old Man stated. Now you were terrified as well.

"But, he can't get in." Bran said, now doubting himself.

"Now he can." The Old Man claimed. "His mark is now on you. You must leave, all of you, now!"

You quickly kissed Brans cheek before getting up to help Meera and Hodor pack your things. You had to beckon the two others to get up, them still confused and dazed.

Meera gained some sense of urgency and went over to the sled, "Come on Hodor, help me with the sleigh." Hodor hesitantly walked over, assisting Meera. All while you crammed items into you bags, uncaring of wrinkles.

"Im sorry, I didn't mean to." Bran wasn't just speaking to The Three-Eyed Raven, but the three of you as well.

"The time has come." The Old Man began.

"Time for what?" With a quiver Bran answered.

"It is time for you to become me." The Three-Eyed Raven finalized.

Bran looked over at you, searching for some sort of familiarity and comfort. All you could offer was a look of reassurance and a smile while grabbing another bag. "But... Am I ready?" Bran asked, unsure.

He was met with a "No." Then both the Old Man and Bran snapped into a vision. Brans head falling back with a gasp and eyes white.

You let out a shaky breath, standing up to try to collect your thoughts.

"We can go home now Hodor." Meera exclaimed, trying to ease Hodors stress.

He responded with a chuckle and a "Hodor."

"Well, maybe not home-home, but at least not a cave." She said, smiling herself.

You tried to distract the ugly feeling in you stomach by joining the conversation, "I just want a nice fluffy bed and a hot bath." You added.

Meera smiled at you, "Oh, yes. And eat something that's not moss." Hodor laughed at the two of you.

"I want an egg." She stated, "How do you two like them, buttered? With a side of bacon. Maybe sausage?" Hodor ws very amused by this, his giddy 'Hodors" followed after him.

"Sunny side up for me." You said while gathering the blanket you and Bran were previously using.

At this Meera fell quiet. "What, what is it?" you questioned. Her face dropping, then eyes widening. You rose to your feet to follow her when she ran to the entrance of the cave.

"Meera, wait, we're not done packi-." Your words left your mouth as you were met with the sight of thousands of the dead. No, hundreds of thousands. All standing outside of the cave, with their leader The Night King, in front.

You had never been so scared. Not even when Jojen was attacked and killed by wights. Fear struck you onto your core. The hair on the back of your neck rose, your brow lined in sweat despite the cold. You were frozen still.

With wide eyes, you watched the Night King and his White Walkers advance.

Leaf and the other Children of the forest started throwing special balls of explosives out. Then lighting a ring of fire around the entrance of the cave. This would help keep them at bay. But you did not have a lot of time.

"Meera, we have to go now." She was just as shocked as you. With a grab of her arm, you pulled her back into the cave. She quickly came to and started running along side you.

At the commotion of running back in, Hodor became distraught. "Hodor...Hodor."

"Bran, wake up. Please Bran!" You called out to him, just as you fell to your knees beside him.

With your body pressing against his, you grabbed his shoulders and shook him. All while Meera tried to console Hodor into picking up the sled.

Bran laid there, eyes white as ever. It took all you had not to start throwing objects with foul language at the Three-Eyed Raven. If he was all-knowing, why couldn't he have prevented this?

Your cries became sobs as you felt tears bubbling up while shouting at Bran. "Bran, they are here now, we need you! Brandon wake up!" His name left your lips in a pitiful weep. If Bran couldn't hear your blatant plead for help, you would have to come up with another option.

"Meera, help me lift him." You called her over, whiping your tears away and giving one last sniffle. The two of you struggled to hoist Bran up to the sled. In your still blurried eyed state, you just about dropped him off of the sleigh, if it weren't for Meeras help.

The both of you panted at the activity, now out of breath. But you still needed to calm Hodor down. You went over to him stumbling as you did. A gentle hand was rested to his shoulder, calling his name.

"Hodor, listen, we need your help, you need to breathe. Inhale then exhale, buddy." You talked to him like a mother would, if Bran was conscious you knew he would make a comment about how nurturing you were.

White Walkers started pouring into the cave, and you had to quickly grab your weapon, an axe. As a walker came up to attack Hodor, he let out a cry. You jumepd to, slicing the walker across the chest. It fell to the ground, but more were approaching.

"Hodor, we need your help!" Meera shouted out, while swinging her sword at walkers who were trying to attack Bran.

You grabbed Hodor the best you could, pulling him to his feet. You urged him to walk to Meera and Bran. A walker some how pranced down from the ceiling, Meera letting out a scream. Summer hoped into action, tearing the walker apart.

It was looking hopeless as more White Walkers poured in. That was until Leaf and some other Children of the forest came in as well. All defending the four of you.

"Bran, wake up, we are all gong to die! We need Hodor, Bran!" Meera tried again. His white eyes stared back at the two of you.

Hodor was becoming more frantic, yelling out "Hodor, Hodor!" He shook his hands all around.

You knelt down at the side of the sled, while Meera stood up to fight more walkers off.

Taking his pale face in you hands, you brought his face close to yous. Foreheads touching, and one hand moving to be in his hair, you spoke to him.

"Baby please, we need you to warg into Hodor. My love, if this must be the last thing I ask of you so be it, but we will die if you do not wake up. Please, we need Hodor." You whispered directly into his ear. Then pressing you cheek to his own. Not before planting a quick kiss on his lips.

Unknown to you, while Bran was in his vision, watching the courtyard where a young Hodor and his father played and worked, he felt your touch. First, he leaned into the familiar feeling of you hand to his face. He didn't think about the fact that he had never felt you in a vision before.

He just thought about how your hand moved to his hair, smiling at the action. That was until he felt your cheek against his, then a whisper of your words in his ear, ringing out. You sounded weak, like you were crying. With a warm pressure against his lips, he felt your kiss. Bran said your name unconsciously. Just before snapping back to and warging into Hodor.

It was just a whisper, but you heard him murmur your name. You jumped up, looking to his eyes. They were still white, but now Hodor was standing tall, silent.

Hodor, under Brans guidance, marched over and picked up the handles of the sled. He started pulling Bran to the back exit of the cave. You risked the extra second to grab a bag. You weren't sure if it was the food or extra furs. Either way, you couldn't live without one or the other.

Just as you were pulling away, a walker ran at you. With a scream, you fell onto your back. Helpless, you prayed what you thought would be you last prayer.

With a snarl, Summer leaped up and attacked the walker. Giving you time to compose yourself and run with the others. You turned your head to see that Summer wasn't following you, but standing her ground.

"Summer! Summer, come here girl." You called after, but she stayed. Continuing to snarl at the walkers that advanced. You had no time, you had to run. With another sob, you tried a last time "No, summer, you have to come!" She didnt, and you ran.

You could worry about how to tell Bran later, right now you needed to make sure he stayed alive. You sprinted as fast as your legs would let you, bag now secured on your back.

You caught up to them by sheer luck. The two panting as they ran as well.

You made a glance behind you, seeing the corridor flooding with walkers. "We have to hurry!" You proclaimed.

Just a mere few seconds later, you all reached a door at the end of the passage way. Hodor dropped the sled down and went up to throw his body against it. Trying to urge it open. Meera and you helped the best you could, her soon bending with her hands on her kneees. She felt that she might pass out.

Looking at the long hall again, Leaf stood alone. Looking to the hundreds of walkers. She muttered a "Good luck." Out to you.

She then ran to the walkers, sacrificing herself with an explosive ball in her hands. The tunnel went up in flames.

You urged Hodor back, swinging your axe at the door handle. As a result, you were hrown back at the rebound. You weren't strong enough, but Hodor took the axe from your hands and swung it himself. This time it actually did damage, the handle popping open.

You all rushed out, Hodor turning around to close the door. But, the door wouldn't close all the way. Hodor used his body to keep it shut.

"Hodor, Hold the door!" Meera told. While you picked up one handle of the sled, Meera the other, you two pulled Bran away closer to the forest.

"Hold the door!" Meera called out again to the man.

"Good job Hodor, you've always protected us so well!" You yelled to him. Knowing it might be the last thing he hears.

You couldn't bare to look back at the walkers digging into Hodor. You kept a blank stare straight, and the two of you struggled to pull Bran.

The only reason you and Meera were able to get him to far so quickly was pure adrenaline.

You let out whispered cries. The storm had passed, now only a light flurry. The sky was still dark, or maybe it was the many leaves blocking the moonlight. But it only seemed to get darker in the forest. Every so often you called out to Bran, but he was still in a Warged-out state, or simply a vision.

Not knowing how far you were into the woods, or how much time had passed, you and Meera collapsed.

Meera tried to stand again, to pull Bran by the rope reigns, but was unable. You were both out of strength. She let out a wail, and you froze for just a moment before calling out to her.

Now in a full cry, she fell back to her knees, rope still in hand.

"Meera, Meera its ok. Shhh, its ok. You tried your best." You said as your pulled her into a hug. Her tears wet the shoulder of you furs, you didn't mind though.

With a sniffle she pulled back. You both turned to Bran and went by his side.

She sobbed again seeing him unconscious, and you wrapped an arm around her while you both leaned into the sled. You had one arm now cradling Brandons head, the other on Meeras back.

The three of you in a circle formation, in a way that had Bran against a tree, you and Meera with your backs to any attacker.

Brans eyes returned to their brown state, with your hand rubbing gentle circles on his cold cheek.

He looks to you then Meera, "They've found us." was all he said.

"I am so sorry." Meera cried out. She was holding everything that happened on herself. While all you could do in the moment was prioritize everyone's safety, though you knew your feelings would hit you hard later. If there even was going to be a later.

You pulled Meera down with you, both close to Bran all huddled together.

You saw the walkers approach, but the two of you had no strength left. You just held eachother. Accepting your fate, at least you would die with Bran....

A/N- I couldn't help myself yall, I love Bran too much. Lmk if yall want a pt. 3! Thanks for reading, and thanks again for the support guys! Lmk if there's any way I can improve the story! Tags- (lmk if you want to be tagged as well!) @thethreeeyed-raven @knight-of-flowerss

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box-architecture · 3 months

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I haven't talked about Jet and Punz that much so I'm mentioning here that when Sam and Punz discovered the cages full of hybrids, Sam was focused on defending the cages and freeing the people inside, while Punz was on the offense and actively slaughtering the traffickers, so to Jet, Punz is both awe-inspiring and terrifying, which makes it hard to close that distance for a bit, even when they arrive back home and anything dangerous about Punz fades into something kinder, like a comfy mattress with a bit of firmness to it.

Punz also gives them a Safety Knife when Jet expresses anxiety over being taken again. They're taught how to use it, but they find they're not really… suited for combat? They don't have the drive, no intent for violence. At most they prefer being sharp and dry with words, smacking someone upside the head. They worry Punz will find it disappointing, but he's just satisfied with them knowing how to defend themselves, and tells them so.

Punz, for all his penchant for violence, isn't really looking to make his kids into him. He appreciates Honeydews desire to Fight Everyone, and Lutes eagerness to learn the sword, but they're not him. They don't need to be. He isn't sure he'd ever want any child of his to have to be the person he had to be.

It's a sentiment shared by Dream and Sam to different degrees. Dream doesn't ever want them to have to do what he did, to be a monster for others to fear. Sam can't even fathom the idea that they could do what he did. They're too good for it. Too precious. He'll stress the importance of not hurting the people you love and keeping them Safe and Protected and his toddler cubs will burble happily at him while Dream pinches his ear. Sam they're Two.

Rotates rotates rotates they're all so!!!! I think a lot about the parents knifetrio would be, and how this specific au affects that specifically.

Because Sam pre-Ckau would be an awful parent, and he knows that now. He would have been overly controlling and something to be afraid of and he would have hurt them. And he would have been too caught up in himself to realize. He doesn't want to think about a world like that but it's still on Dreams skin, after all these years. It leaves him with a low level anxiety, many moments of second guessing and fears of almost infecting them with his old ideology. It ends up making the moments where his kids are genuinely these empathetic, loving people all the more cathartic.

Dream, back before everything started going on, wanted kids. He liked the idea of little kids, loving them, teaching them, existing with them and getting to see them grow up. His endgame assumption was that he'd have them with George, because he was young and in love and not expecting the Shitshow ahead. And then he was throwing himself away in favor of trying to get things back to normal, and by the time he was out of prison, he was halfway to giving up on thinking he had a future at all, much less one that was fit for a kid. Some small part of him still liked kids, but he hated what his body had become, what he had become (a monster?) What could he possibly give a child? It takes a long time for Dream to become at peace with his existence, and he is in a good place when Honeydew is brought in, but there's always gonna be a little doubt that he's father material anymore, on any level. It hurts, but it's healed a little more with every hug and cuddle and nap and every time he's able to help calm them when they're upset. He can do this.

Punz, in the backstory I generally give him, grew up in poverty and had to take charge of other kids, maybe Purpled, making sure everyone got food, not eating until everyone else was fed, he feels like someone that had his own little makeshift family as a kid, and could have been considered an unconventional family man, but ultimately he stopped having those ties, and had been alone for a while before meeting Dream. Punz stopped considering himself someone who could have bonds outside of Dream, and like, the idea of kids might be nice, but he was a practical person looking at himself and there was no place for children in his life for a good long while

He definitely doesn't consider himself father material for a long time, but unlike Dream it wasn't something he wanted with any sort of intensity, so there's a lot less personal disparagement. He side eyes himself sometimes, but Punz stops taking jobs once they have kids for the most part, because they didn't need the money, and he deeply dislikes the idea of being absent, of not providing like he should be. It gets him feeling off kilter some days if he feels like he hasn't done enough, hasn't made sure everyone's been taken care of

He's most content when they're at the dinner table, everyone chatting about their day, well fed and happy. It feels like a job well done

#ckau children #sfw boxing

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sophieinwonderland · 9 months

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Hi! I know the Dreamland System irl (been friends since high school) and I’ve been in the tulpa community way longer than they have. Coming up on 6 years, actually! But could you cool it with talking about them (Halberd) pls? I know they’re hospitalized at the moment but it’s unnerving to see you talking about them regularly like this. Do you think you would mind talking about something other than a traumatized vulnerable system in need of serious help?

I don’t follow you (but from tulpa to tulpa - hi!!) And honestly I don’t agree with a lot of Hal’s alters’ takes, but it just doesn’t seem right, what you’re doing. I know you don’t know them, but they were majorly traumatized and ultimately assaulted back when we were in high school which all started from people telling lies about them behind their back.

Hopefully they won’t know about what you’ve been saying here, but I just thought I’d shoot you a heads up because you might not know what they’ve gone through and how that affects them today. Even though Hal probably isn’t going to see this, I thought it would be the right thing to ask you to leave them alone for their sake. I’m really worried about them!

If it would be of any benefit, I could maybe pass along a message to them about your feelings and how their actions have affected you too! I can see how they’ve been kind of hypocritical about this, but as far as I know their concerns with racism and stuff were always about your actions and not you specifically! They’ve gotten into activism over the last few years and I can assure you while they may be misguided or misinformed, their intentions are good. From what I know from our conversations about existing as a system online, they’re mostly trying to stand up for marginalized people in the system community.

I’m not the one picking them up from the hospital, but I am a dear friend of theirs and will be in touch with them after they’ve been released. Let me know if I can pass a message along! It would do them and my own system a lot of good to see this put to rest.

(You don’t have to post this if it makes you uncomfy of course! I hope you and your host are staying safe and hydrated ❤️)

I'm sorry. I didn't know what they went through. I do... wish that they had considered their own actions before the posts they made about me for all that time, and how that can hurt others.

Anyway, I think I've gotten out most of what I needed to say and won't mention them again after this post.

This post... does also get a little venty too though, so there's your warning.

This has been... a really sucky position to be in... being attacked and smeared by someone for months, finally saying a couple small things about them, and triggering this type of reaction. I'm having to defend myself from abuse accusations, while still trying to put out fires they set and continuously stoked (the zoophilia allegations, being a major one) and still being upset at them tagging me in response to a post where I explained that tagging people makes it easier for potential harassers to get to them.

So I'm in a position where I feel like I need to share my side of the story before the attacks against me escalate and get even further out of hand.

And I feel like I need to balance all of this while... genuinely not wanting to cause this person I used to like and get along with harm.

I mean, part of the reason that I didn't address the personal attacks for so long was because I know that I have a large blog and some of my followers can be a tad overzealous. (I love this community, but when you have 1500 followers, it only takes a small percentage of them to get aggressive and decide to resort to sending people hate anons. Another reason that I generally avoid engaging with anti-endos directly. Despite them taking it as a personal offense that I often screenshot without tagging them, this is done for the protection of the people I respond to. I generally only tag these days when I deem it absolutely necessary.)

I took a small precaution with my vent post and turned off reblogs to make it less likely they'll find it. I'll turn off reblogs on this one too.

And in a perfect world, that would be enough. I blocked their accounts that weren't blocking me already. They shouldn't see my posts.

And yet I can't shake the feeling their friend group is still watching everything I say, discussing it in that server of theirs, and will probably send it directly to them once they're out. And so any precautions I take to avoid hurting them further, while still trying to defend myself, are likely moot.

As for passing on a messages about how their actions affected me... I don't know what the point is.

Why would I want you to tell somebody dealing with suicidal ideation right now how much it hurts to see someone you used to like and respect turn against you? To have them namecall and attack you constantly? All while you stay quiet because you feel like anything you say will make things worse? (And yes, it does feel extremely personal when my name is mentioned constantly on their syscourse blog.)

Maybe there was a time to have that conversation with them but that time has long since passed.

Telling them that right now doesn't seem productive at all and only causes more strife.

If their other friends do decide to show them this last vent of mine, then that's on them. I've done what I can to keep this post from getting beyond my own blog. But I'm not going to ask somebody to deliver that message to somebody who is vulnerable right now because them knowing would only serve to make me feel better.

I guess... if you want to pass on a message... tell them that I'm sorry that I hurt them... tell them that I hope they're well... and ask that they not contact me or @ me again. Maybe that sounds cold, but I genuinely believe that's going to be the healthiest thing for everyone involved.

(Actually, if you don't mind, maybe ask them to avoid any accounts that have them blocked since last I heard, they were talking about remaking their post @'ing Eeveecraft on their main blog since Eeveecraft only blocked the syscourse blog... that's very much not okay. And I certainly don't want to see them develop a habit of that.)

There. That's it. Now I've said everything I have to say on the matter.

Thank you for being a good friend to them. I'm glad they someone like you looking out for them. 💖

#syscourse

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moonchildreads · 1 year

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hi there! i'm bunny and i'm new here so i thought i'd introduce myself!

i joined tumblr because my friends are here and they are all magnificent writers and i wanted to jump in on the fun :) i've been quietly working on a st4 fix-it/rewrite for months and, as i tend to do, i've buried it in google docs and kept it to myself but since my friends are so brave and actually post what they write, i thought "hey, creating a tumblr and forcing myself to interact with other people might just be the exact kind of people pressuring i need to actually finish this mammoth of a fic" so here i am, telling you about it in order to feel guilty that it's out there and forcing myself to actually write it

so, what am i writing and what can you expect from me?

i am currently working on chapter 10 of small town which is, as i've mentioned, a st4 fix-it/rewrite that focuses on this idea: what if hawkins didn't split in four in march 1986? what if vecna waited to attack until, i don't know, a canonically important date a few months later? i'm using this fic as a character exploration of the elder hellfire club members through the eyes of our protagonist, dottie (bear with me), who moved to hawkins a few months ago and is recruited into hellfire by a desperate dustin after a spring break where lucas never rejoined the party and is actually quite upset with his former friends.

what i wanted to do with small town was something the duffer brothers seem averse to doing: having their characters face consequences. it is a love story between eddie and dottie, but ultimately, romantic love is not the only kind of love that matters: this is about the friendships and bonds that bind the party to one another and make them want to risk their lives when the time comes.

here are random things i've been toying with that i think you might enjoy: eddie and wayne's relationship and how they came to live together, eddie and chrissy finding comfort in their secret smoke sessions in the woods, giving a name to the unnamed freak!, seeing more of corroded coffin and giving those three boys a personality and a life of their own, eddie and dottie bonding over mourning a parent you didn't really get to meet, dustin being the actual heart of the party (move over mike, you're not that special here), lots of bantering and shitty dialogue, references to 80s music (and broadway musicals!), idiots in love, highly researched details like hourly weather details and period appropriate kool-aid flavours, eddie graduating?, eddie surviving!, giving trauma to everyone post-vecna and reinforcing the idea that a support system doesn't make said trauma go away, but it does make it lighter to deal with.

if this sounds like something you'd be on board with, please please please let me know and come talk to me about it! i've got so much info stored in my brain about this story and i've been waiting until i finish writing to post it, but seeing how long this is taking, maybe actually talking to people about it will make the words come to me faster. i've got a very detailed outline (this is a long one! i'm expecting +30 chapters!), hella headcanons and a job that allows me to dick around on the internet at all times.

thank you for reading this far and i hope to see you around! i'd love to make new friends on this app <3

#stranger things #eddie munson #bunny writes #joseph quinn #eddie munson fic #eddie munson fanfic #wip #small town fic #stranger things 4 #wayne munson #hellfire club #i don't understand tags

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alliluyevas · 1 year

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This cemetery post focuses on Emily Partridge Young and her children. I'll talk more about Emily and her life in a bit, but I wanted to start off with some discussion of polygamous families in grave records. Both the two family plots I've discussed so far (the Whitney and Wells families) are basically centered around the family patriarch and his wives and include graves for children from multiple marriages. Horace Whitney, like the majority of Mormon polygamists, only had two wives at the same time. Daniel Wells had six, which actually puts him in a very small minority of most-married polygamists, but Brigham Young was basically in a category by himself (well, really he was in a category with himself and Heber Kimball, but I'm focusing on his family here). With children by sixteen women, including Emily, and more wives whom he did not have children with, the Young family matrix is even more complicated--both in life and in death.

I know from Emily's diary entries that Brigham's widows were offered the choice to be buried with him in a small family cemetery near the Lion and Beehive Houses or to be buried elsewhere (Emily then remarked, half-sarcastically, that she hoped they would not be in a hurry to bury her). She was conflicted over this choice, as she was about her marriage in general, but ultimately chose to be buried here in the Salt Lake City Cemetery, next to her son and his family. Most of Brigham's widows made the same choice, with only six choosing a plot next to their husband. There are several quadrants of the SLC cemetery that are primarily Youngs, though, with several sister-wives and half-siblings buried near Emily and Don Carlos.

Anyway, I brought this up partially because I think it's interesting and partially because it speaks to a sort of conflict between different notions of family in Emily's life: her immediate nuclear family, the children to whom she was a devoted and loving mother, and the larger polygamist family in whose orbit she spent much of her life, yet often felt isolated from. (In addition, let's consider her other biological family: all three of her surviving sisters shared a husband, and they did not live in Salt Lake City, and she struggled with being separated from her siblings while they all lived together).

Emily was the third daughter of Edward and Lydia Partridge. Her parents became early Mormon converts when she was six, and her father was the first in the church to hold the title of bishop. Emily wrote poignantly about her childhood home in Painesville, Ohio, where her father worked as a comfortably middle-class hatter. Despite, or perhaps because of, the sacrifices she'd made for her faith throughout her life, she felt that she had never truly been at home anywhere since she'd left Painesville as a young child.

Shortly after the Mormons had arrived in Nauvoo, when malaria was sweeping through the population, Emily's father and her older sister Harriet died within days of each other. Joseph and Emma Smith took in 16-year-old Emily and her oldest sister Eliza to relieve the burdens of their widowed mother. Emily remembered her first two years living with the Smiths fondly. She seems to have seen them as surrogate parents, felt they were fond of her, and adored their younger children. Things changed when Joseph asked her to secretly marry him. Emily was resistant at first but eventually gave in after a second proposal on her nineteenth birthday. A few months later, she married him again along with her sister Eliza, this time with the begrudging agreement of his first wife. The Partridge sisters were told not to tell Emma they'd already married him, so as not to upset her, but the relationship between Emma and the younger women was ruined anyway. After several more months of conflict, Joseph agreed to have Emily and Eliza move out. Not long later, Joseph was killed: Emily later wrote about how difficult it was to attend the funeral as a secret wife. Almost immediately, she remarried Brigham Young as a "proxy wife" for time (meaning that she and her future children would "belong" to Joseph Smith for eternity), and soon was expecting her first child. Three marriages to two men, a funeral, and a pregnancy in less than two years.

Emily with her two oldest children, Edward (who tragically died not long after this picture was taken) and Emily.

I would describe Emily's second marriage as deeply unfulfilling, and she did too, at least in the private pages of her diary. Being part of such a large polygamist family was stressful in general, but it was particularly so for Emily, who felt unloved and forgotten by her husband, to the point of unsuccessfully asking him for a divorce at one point. While she initially lived in the Lion House with several other wives, she was eventually sent to live with her children on an isolated dairy farm her husband owned, and later to a run-down house in Salt Lake City. As a less favored wife, her financial situation was also precarious, and she felt that her husband neglected and resented their children because of his issues with her.

While she had a lot of conflict with her husband, and often felt lost among the other wives socially or jealous of their comparatively favored position, many of the other women and children in the Young family remembered her as a kind and loving presence. Though there's definitely some disconnect between what she expressed privately and to others, her personal writings do show her to have been a sweet and compassionate woman--though one who also had a lot of pain and anger she doesn't seem to have felt comfortable expressing out loud. I think the way she wrote about Emma Smith is particularly striking--while she clearly still was upset about how she'd been treated as a teenager, especially being thrown out of their home, she also expressed a lot of sympathy for what Emma was dealing with and I think the way she thought about this situation shows a lot of both intellectual and emotional nuance. In general, she seems like a very kind, thoughtful person, and I feel very sad that she did not receive the kind of love back that she seems to have desperately wanted.

I also wanted to talk a little bit about her children. The grey-scale photo is Emily again, this time a little older, and the other pictures are her five children who survived to adulthood, in birth order: Emily, Caroline, Don Carlos, Miriam, and Josephine. There’s definitely a family resemblance, I think. I was able to find the graves of all but Miriam (I found several of Miriam's children where Miriam and her husband are supposed to be buried, but I wasn't able to find the parents. Again, this is an area of the cemetery that is not in the best repair and all the graves are in-ground plaques, so they may have grown over).

Emily Jr. and Caroline were both, like their mother, plural wives married to significantly older men--Emily to Hiram Clawson, Caroline to apostle George Q. Cannon. I included a picture of Hiram's gravestone, which is this huge and in my opinion quite ugly literal boulder that dwarfs the small plaques of his wives, and of the Cannon family monument as well as Caroline's individual gravestone. Don Carlos, an architect, also had two wives, Alice Dowden and Marion Hardy, though both were less than a decade younger than him. Younger sisters Miriam and Josephine were both in monogamous marriages. Miriam was married to Leonard Hardy, who was the brother of Carlos's wife Marion (Miriam and Leonard married first), and Josephine, somewhat disturbingly, was married to Albert Young, who was her half-brother Brigham Jr.'s son. So her husband was technically her nephew, but due to the half-sibling thing, the fact that she and Brigham Jr. did not really grow up together, and the wonky generations meaning that Albert was actually a few years older than her, I think genetically and socially it was probably more like a cousin marriage. Still, it's definitely a bit uncomfortable to put that together.

Moving back to talk about Emily again before I close: I feel like a broken record here a bit, but I just wanted to pay tribute to someone who seems like she was a decent, kind-hearted woman who survived a lot of very difficult trials, including raising her children mostly on her own. While she didn't have the public presence or published writing that some of the other women whose graves I visited did, her private writing is articulate and poetic, especially when dealing with the injustice and emotional conflict she faced. I hope that she feels the peace and comfort that so often eluded her in life.

#mormonposting tag #long post #julia in utah 2023

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inkykeiji · 1 year

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just read "I'm about to show you the beginning is the end" - it was amazing, by the way!! - and *god* touya-nii reminded me of my ex there. I won't go into all the nasty details but he'd often get upset with me over something small or out of my control, leave me (whether it be a breakup or ghosting me), and me having to contact a family member to get through to him and "compromise". His compromises weren't as nice as the little necklace Touya got reader but HEY thats not the point here😭

anywayyy reason im rambling about this is because when i was with him i used to ramble about him being like touya-nii in the positive senses - the way he was in bed, the little similarities, the way they spoke similarly, etc. And now that i'm out of that abusive situation, all I'm seeing is the similarities within the abuse and toxicity of reader's relationship with touya. The funny thing is it didn't even occur to me just how bad Touya was to reader because I was conditioned to think it was just barely out of the ordinary. Take away the branding and cheating and you had my relationship that i thought was healthy.

Sorry i made this ask so long but I just wanted to let you know how much I love your writing, and how much I admire the way you're able to make the toxicity of your characters subtle (I hope that doesn't sound weird??) I've always seen abuse portrayed really unrealistically and 90% of the time it's only physical abuse. It's honestly a little scary that I didn't register touya-nii or that ex as abusive because they're so good at masking it, and i love how you're able to portray it realistically. it's comforting in a weird way? I hate reading fluff because it just makes me feel worse, but the complex dynamics of your characters bring me back to reality and remind me i'm not totally alone. so to sum up my giant rant...

thank you <33

hi sweetpea <3

tw: abuse, toxic relationships

i cannot tell you how much this ask means to me, oh my gosh. thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences with me! <3

i’m glad it comes across as realistic, because it is heavily based off of my own parents’ relationship, and my father’s abuse towards my mother and myself. one of the several reasons i write such toxic relationships is to make sense of, process, take apart and put back together, my own experiences and what i grew up steeped in.

the other thing i wanted to say, especially since you mentioned not being able to see outside of the toxic relationship until you were actually and fully OUT of it, is that it’s written that way from readers perspective on purpose. it’s written from the perspective of a person who is so deeply entrenched in this relationship, in this tangled web of abuse and this manipulation, that they don’t actually see anything wrong with it. they’ve been gaslit and brainwashed in a slow, methodical, precise way, and it’s also where the ‘romanticized’ aspect comes from—because it’s coming from HER point of view, where she does truly believe she’s in love, where she may even, in some very twisted and brainwashed way, feel love for him, feel care and compassion for him. it is such a complex, grey area! (you may notice that when i write from touya’s perspective, it takes on a more obsessive, almost worship-y type vibe; ie he loves her soooo much, she's sooo good for him, so perfect for him, etc etc.).

abuse, and abusive relationships, are not black and white and i hate it when people attempt to portray them so simplistically. and the thing is, abuse of ANY kind (but especially emotional abuse) doesn’t just HAPPEN. it is a slow, slow progression and it can be extremely subtle; so it doesn’t raise any flags, so the abuser can trap their victim and break them down, etc. i wish, so desperately, that my mother left my father. but she didn’t, and she won’t, and as much as it upsets me because she is a literal angel on earth and deserves SO much better, it is ultimately her choice and i have to respect that even if i don’t agree with it. it’s her life; i can’t force her to do anything. i’ve discussed this with her before, and she told me this is the choice she is making. but anyway the point i’m trying to make here is, there are so, so, SO many reasons why someone who is an abusive relationship chooses to STAY in an abusive relationship; the reasons differ from case to case as it is such a personal thing, and we already have so much research and scientific/psychological literature conducted on this topic alone.

in touya-nii’s reader’s case, it is both because she is brainwashed and entirely dependent on him, and because she was already so fragile—already had such a fragile sense of self worth—and now the only place or thing she gets any validation from at all, that makes her feel like she is good and she is worthy and she has purpose, is serving him.

i’m so glad to hear you find it comforting, especially because i know EXACTLY what you mean, yes!!!!! 100%!!! i am the exact same way! 99% of the time i can’t stand tooth-rotting fluff because it just isn’t realistic to me, and isn’t realistic to my situation. i find so much more comfort in characters and stories that i can relate to because they make me feel less alone, too; like i’m not the only one going through this, or i’m not the only one feeling like this, etc etc etc. it’s one of the huge reasons why i find so much comfort in dabi/the todorokis: because my dad makes enji look like dad of the fucking year. so it’s nice to see that portrayed in a piece of art where i can go ‘okay, at least he would understand, he would get it; in his fictional universe he DOES get it’ etc. hopefully that makes sense hahaha

i’m so sorry that you had to go through this. absolutely no one deserves it, and i hope you are taking good care of yourself and healing and finding love and happiness and health and LIFE again in whatever form it may be. i am glad my work can be a source of comfort for you—genuinely, this means the whole world to me, it is such an honour to hear!!—and i hope it can be here for you whenever you need it.

i love you so much anon, thank you again for sharing this with me <3

#tw abuse #tw toxic relationship #always sending you so so so much love sweet anon #i am so happy for you that you got out of that relationship!!!!#you deserve the world <3 #please have a wonderful thursday and stay safe!! drink some water!!!#clari gets mail #letters to clari

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morgana-ren · 9 months

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I am so far behind on my comissions it's not funny anymore. I know you struggle with them so any advice?? Should I cancel them? Give them the paltry stuff I have written for free as an apology? Like I don't want to upset anyone but I feel bad stringing them along! What do you do?

I had to formulate a list of stuff I try to do upfront to help mitigate damage.

For starters, anyone who commissions me, I try to let them know upfront: I have a real life job, I have unmedicated issues that make it very difficult, and I really, really struggle with a consistent schedule. I'm actually quite pathetically sickly so I never accept payment upfront-- only after I've delivered. After a certain amount of time, I'll pretty much just give them the story for free because months and months can go by with nothing. I try to keep in contact with those who have commissioned me and let them know what the deal is, but I am finicky and disorganized by nature-- I despise it but until I can afford medication, I'm sort of foxholed, here. One of my biggest issues is they end up so fucking long and detailed that they turn into a monster and suddenly it's overwhelming and it's not living up to my expectations. I sit there going "They're going to hate this, I can't make them pay for this." because overall, I still struggle with and ultimately dislike my writing style and don't feel it's worth paying for.

All of my writing is on a whim. That's a part of the problem. I hate that I can sit down and pop out a piece when I have a commission, but I can literally spit out a 4,000 nightmare in 30 minutes when sometimes I can stare at a screen for hours and nothing comes to me or I hate what I've written with a commission. It's extra pressure because there's a level of expectation there. It's a different beast with commissions over requests and that's to be expected sometimes.

I genuinely hate it, but I don't have insurance and my head is a chaotic mess and it is so, so hard to do things sometimes. Even writing. Even video games. It's part of why I struggle with multi-chapter stories. It has to be my hyperfixation and I have to be in an okay headspace. My job intervenes a lot. That's why I take casual commissions and I rarely accept anything with a deadline. It has to be a casual exchange for me.

I think the best thing you can do is be super up front on your commissions page (if you even have one-- I don't for this very reason. I accept commissions because I have bills to pay but I feel wretched advertising it like a service when this is the case) and try to keep in contact with your customers. Finding a way that is easiest to write is pivotal, whether it's easier lying in bed or having to sit at the computer. Maybe start off only taking small commissions at first (1,000 to 2,000 words) and work your way up when you become more comfortable. (Medicate your fucking adhd if you have it, that's a personal tip from me.)

Most people are incredibly understanding, especially when they don't pay for it upfront. If you're feeling overwhelmed and just can't right now, maybe let them know and offer to finish the story on your own time for free. Ask them if they just want what you've written. Honestly is the best policy here. In my experience, most people are totally fine waiting.

I know exactly what you mean about feeling terrible about it, so feel free to close commissions if it gets too overwhelming. Really, truly, most people are incredibly kind and are completely fine. Most of the time, they just tell you to take your time and hand it out when you're ready, and I don't think I've had anyone be dissatisfied yet.

The best policy is honesty. Just be incredibly upfront about everything and let them know the deal. It gets easier when you can find a way to force yourself to write, but that's a tricky one. At least producing anything of quality in that case.

#morgana and friends

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frenziedslashers · 1 year

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🍓🍉🥭🫐 for the ask tag thing :3

Thank you so much hun!! <33

🍓 What’s a fic you’ve written you feel is underrated?

Ooh, I would have to say "You Know You're Right." A Daryl Dixon x Reader fic that I wrote that I was terrified was going to be bad, but I actually spent a lot of time brainstorming for it so it wouldn't be horrible! It's about a reader who's transmasc and a stoner. He doesn't really have a lot of survival instincts and mostly jumps from house to house looking for stashes of weed, nicotine, or CDs. Daryl finds him outside Alexandria when walkers are trying to get to him and he ultimately saves him and they become smoke buddies which leads to a teeny bit more :) I like the fic, and the requester REALLY liked it! So I guess that's all that matters! I'm not too upset about it being less popular than my others tbh.

🍉 Do you prefer to write short fics or long fics? Multichaptered works or single ones? Why?

I have a mix of preferences for short or long fics. It truly depends on if I have a lot of motivation or a lot of planning for the idea! It just takes me a while to write longer ones because I start to ramble and I also have to proofread and read it all later haha. I do prefer single ones over multi-chapter though. I can never keep the motivation going for multi-chapter fics and then I feel HORRIBLE when I abandon them! Single ones are just so much easier for my small attention-spanned brain lmao. Plus, I habit of jumping from fandom to fandom. *Side eyes all my slasher and borderlands wips that got abandoned due to my TWD brain rot*

🥭 Rank from most enjoyable/fun to write to least: Fluff, Smut, Angst, Crack.

Angst - I am a sucker for writing angst! I love it when I feel something when I write a fic. When I look over a sentence or a paragraph and I just know it's going to make someone sad. IDK, it's just super fun to write for and I like that I can bleed some of my emotions into some of my angstier fics! Fluff - I also love fluff because I am fairly good at conveying emotion into Fluffy fics, at least I like to think so. Plus then it gives me more room to delve into a plot and add background information and stuff. Smut - I write this the most (I'm a whore, I know 💀) but it's not really my favorite to write for if I don't have one of the two categories above to join it. Smut itself can get a little boring for me or I have days where I remember I'm ace and I'm all "Oh gross..." LMAO I do enjoy writing peoples requests so dwdw Crack - I don't think I have ever written a crack fic?? It seems like it would be fun though! Putting it last though because I've never done one!

🫐 What’s your favorite underrated thing in your fandom? (A ship that only you seem to write for, a character there’s almost no fics about, a trope that criminally hasn’t been written yet, etc.)

Hmm, I would have to say Aaron from TWD. There's not enough Aaron content for the gays 🗣️ 🗣️ I also think not enough people in TWD fandom write for mlm or transmasc readers, but that's all right, because I will write for them hehe

I can't really think of anything else? I don't really think about this stuff too much 😭

#thank you for the asks!#ask game #twd stuff thangs #f1nalboys <3

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sneezyminniejo · 2 years

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Unpleasant Side Effects

I decided to write a quick LUCY fic. It's pretty short, but It's good enough. Hope you enjoy

TW: EMETO

The members of Lucy had been on vacation and were meeting up to begin practicing for their next comeback. All four members were excitedly discussing the concept as well as talking about what they had done for their vacation. However the second youngest was quieter than usual.

"Wonnie, how was your vacation?" Yechan asked.

"It w-was good. I went to Sp-spain with my f-amily. Also c-aught a c-cold." Wonsang tried not to cough while he was talking with limited success. He ultimately fell into a semi intense coughing fit as soon as he finished. It was intense enough that he could feel one of the members pat his back in sympathy.

"That didn't sound good Won. You sure you're good to start practicing today? I'm sure we can wait a couple of days when you're feeling better." Sangyeop said.

"I'm on the tail end o-f it. As long as I don't t-alk or s-sing too much, I sho-ould be fine." Wonsang opened the thermos of tea he was carrying and took a few sips to rid himself of the irritation in his throat. The others didn't look completely convinced, but since Wonsang knows his body best, they went with what he said and got their instruments set up.

The first half of practice went okay. The group managed to learn two of the songs on their next album. However Wonsang kept interrupting with intermittent coughing fits.

"Are you sure you don't want to wait to continue learning the songs?" Yechan asked after Wonsang had another bad sounding coughing fit.

"I'm sure. My cough sounds worse than it is." Wonsang said.

The group decided to take a break from learning the new songs and instead decided to play some of their older songs. It was when they were playing Flowering that things went south. They had just finished the first chorus when Wonsang abruptly stopped playing. He turned to the side and brought his elbow up to his face as he began to cough. Wonsang knew that it was going to be one of his prolonged fits, so he somewhat clumsily removed his bass.

Wonsang spent a good thirty seconds coughing into his elbow. He was using his other hand to hold his elbow firmly against face. All of a sudden, without any warning, the sound of Wonsang’s cough changed. In an instant the other members could hear a slight strangled noise followed by a splash. They all looked at Wonsang, who was now staring at the floor with a shocked expression. There, at his feet, was a small puddle of vomit. His arm and hands were also covered in vomit. There had been a bit of a splashback as well, meaning that the lower half of his face and shirt collar also got hit.

“And that concludes band practice. Let’s get you home hyung. You clearly need rest.” Gwangil put down his drumsticks before standing up to lead his stilled shocked hyung out of the building. Even though Wonsang had driven himself to the company, Gwangil wasn’t about to let his hyung drive when he had just thrown up.

“That was unpleasant.” Wonsang said before once again coughing harshly.

“Hyung you should have told us that you felt nauseous.” Wonsang didn’t entirely know how to respond, so he stayed silent for the trip home. His first priority upon getting home was showering and changing his clothes. He really did not desire to be covered in puke for longer than he had to. When he exited the bathroom he found that Gwangil had set up the couch for him with a bucket sitting on the floor. He temporarily ignored it in favor of going to the kitchen to reheat some kimchi.

“Hyung, I don’t think you should be eating that if your stomach’s upset.” Gwangil said somewhat worriedly.

“I’m fine Gwangil. My stomach isn’t even upset. I just coughed a bit too hard.” This earned a confused look from the maknae.

It’s simple. I was coughing hard enough to contract my stomach muscles, accidentally expelling my stomach’s contents all over with no warning.” Gwangil definitely didn’t look like he believed his hyung.

“Alright hyung, but I’m going to stick around for a while. When you do wind up being sick again, I will be right here to help you.” Gwangil also took out his phone and texted Yechan an update. He then sat down on the couch and turned on the tv to wait.

Turns out Wonsang was right in why he had thrown up. There were zero repercussions to him eating kimchi closely followed by a burger. Although Gwangil was questioning how someone could find a burger appetizing right after throwing up. The maknae made sure to text Yechan updates and the older two were relieved to hear that Wonsang suddenly puking was just an unpleasant side effect of his cough.

#sickfic #lucy #emeto

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angelbandagesmoved · 2 years

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I saw an ask game with a question that I really liked and it was something like, "when did you notice that you loved differently than others," and I just wanna answer unprovoked because why not—? this might be a little oversharing, but these were important moments to me

the first time I had an inkling that something was off, or when I wondered....does everyone feel like this when they love someone? was when my last fp very nicely asked me if they could chat with someone else for 20 minutes or so because we'd been talking all day. I was super reluctant and made a huge deal about them making sure it was only 20 minutes, but they promised so I said sure. The entire time I was waiting I just.... sat there on their chat... watching their online status and letting jealousy kinda bubble? then it passed 20 minutes and I texted them...they didn't answer. I must have texted about 20 times before they finally were like we're almost done give me a minute... but for some reason, that...sent me kinda flying over the edge with pure jealousy. I started throwing my pillows, hitting things, I'm pretty sure I threw a tissue box... before I ultimately ended up scream sobbing. Then, everything was alright when they stopped talking to the other person and came back.

The time I think I KNEW I loved people differently was when this same fp didn't call me the moment I walked in the door when I got home from school. I made sure they knew what time I came home everyday and I'd....be very upset if I didn't see my phone ringing right when I got home. (I was very not okay, but that's probably been established). One time....I just immediately broke down because they didn't call right when I wanted them to, and when they finally picked up my call, I had a meltdown. I was banging the floor, screaming about how they didn't actually love me because they didn't call me right away (?) (they were just busy 😍) ....Of course, the meltdown ensued for a long ass time with them hanging up 10 times and me calling them back 20 to speak absolute hysterical nonsense. Eventually, my brother texted me and said what's that loud sound in the kitchen? ....and it kinda then hit me....like....now I have to explain to my brother why I had a meltdown over something so small. and like....it was immensely shameful to have to do so. I'm still terribly embarrassed about that moment especially because my brother remembers it, but like...— thank god I have him around cause having to explain my behavior to him made me really think.... something isn't right.

Of course, 4-5 years later....I finally understand I was splitting in those moments, and I've split many times before on that poor fp.. which actually had caused an ongoing thing of them blocking me just to.... deescalate the situation, but.... I suppose now that I've experienced it, I'm really grateful because without that person I would have never known what I know now

#long ramble?

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in-ei · 1 month

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Ninternia: The Ultimate Elemental

Chapter 6: Pushing Past Loss

Clay streached as he stepped out of the bus, feeling stiff after the long drive from The Temple to Diamond Canyon. Two days ago, Sensei Ju had left them with Atalie and Churro, and a map with the four vault locations, claiming he had important matters to attend to elsewhere. He hadn't been the happiest to see their teacher go but they did have a mission to complete and he had no intention of failing.

"Finally," Khan said, following him out of the bus. Ren came out right after him and went straight to the canyon's edge.

"Whoa, check this out guys! The river looks so tiny from up here!" he said pointing. Suddenly, he lost his footing and would've fallen into the chasm if Cyrus hadn't grabbed him.

"Perhaps you should calm down or at least step away from the edge. It is approximately 8,561 feet to the bottom from this location," the nindroid said.

Ren blinked, and stepped back.

"How is that 'approximate'?" Khan asked.

"I do not know the distance to the inch," Cyrus explained.

"Unbelievable," muttered Khan.

Clay just chuckled at their exchange. Turning to look at the natural wonder of the canyon, he felt a pang of nostalgia and.... grief. He'd visited it many times when he was young. This had been one of his mother's many places she'd taken him to escape the hustle and bustle of Pyrite City. They'd spent countless weekends hiking the winding trails, climbing the layered, colorful, walls, and rafting in the rushing river that had created Diamond Canyon, but... that time had ended long ago.

"What's wrong?" Katara asked coming out of the bus with Atalie, who joined the others at the cliff.

"Huh? Uh, nothing. I'm fine," Clay said trying to think of a quick subject change, "Um... What's with the armbands?"

She gave him a look, but answered the question, "I've been working on them for awhile, finally finished them on the drive. They've got a number of useful functions I'm hoping to try out while we get the scabbard."

As he'd expected, she didn't elaborate on what exactly the armbands did. He didn't ask either. It was easy enough to tell that it would take time for her to warm up to them, and he was willing to wait. They were all part of the same team now, pushing or fighting each other would only make it harder to work as one.

"Ready for a long hike?" he asked instead, "According to Sensei's notes, the vault's at the bottom."

"I've been on worse trails then this," she replied, her face turning hard, "and sometimes I had to make my own."

Uncertain how to respond without making her uncomfortable, Clay let the silence go on until Atalie called them over to trail. It seemed he wasn't the only one with an upsetting history with the outdoors.

Hours later, the six Guardians and their historian guide stood before a long crack in the canyon's layered, sandstone wall. After reaching the bottom, Atalie had led them to one of the many little traveled, small branch offs of the canyon. They'd contiued to go deeper and deeper into the branch till they could barely walk straight, and if that didn't make you want some space, they were supposed to squeeze themselves into a crack that looked about a foot wide. Clay eyed it with a frown. It brought back memories, and not good one. Turning sideways to inch after Atalie, he told himself; Remember, all that happened because you were too stupid to move. Don't let the same thing happen ever again.

"Claustrophobic?" Ren asked, as he was right behind him.

"No," Clay replied, "This just... reminds me of something."

"This reminds me of the time I got stuck in a fridge for five hours," Ren replied cheerfully.

"You what!?" Khan asked, the next line.

"In my defense, it was a really hot day, my parents wouldn't let me go swimming, and I was only four," the redhead said.

"You had a swimming pool... in your penthouse??" Khan asked.

"Umm... It was pretty big," Ren replied awkwardly.

"What are you guys talking about?" Jaya called over from behind her brother.

"Nothing," Ren yelled back.

"Can we stop shouting in enclosed spaces?" Katara asked, all the way in the back with Cyrus, "It's hurting my ears."

"We weren't that loud," Khan said.

"Maybe to you," she replied, "Your ears are clogged with hair gel."

"HEY!"

"Now that was loud" cracked Ren.

Clay smiled to himself, happy to hear Katara messing around with the others. Before long though she fell silent and let Khan, Ren, and Jaya continue the banter, but it was progress.

Cyrus... Clay wasn't entirely sure how to make him feel welcome. The most he could do was treat him the same as the others, even if it was a little hard to understand the nindroid in the rare times he did talk. At least the others got along okay.

I'll make it work, somehow.

Despite his efforts to distract himself, Clay was unable to hold off the memories off for long. He remembered how excited he'd been for the reward that awaited him at the end of their climb, how annoyed he'd felt when his mom had taken him on a detour, and how heavy the guilt had felt after it was all over. It was a burden he carried to this day. A constant reminder of his failure.

Tangled up in his thoughts and emotions, Clay stumbled in surprise when the crack abruptly ended, emerging in a huge, stone, chamber. Torches were set along the wall every few feet, providing light to show the warm, brown, strangely carved floor. Aside from a length of space along two of the walls, one where they stood and another on the opposite end of the room, the floor was separated into a grid of intricately carved squares. No two looked alike. The only other notable thing in the room was a pile of rocks by them that looked like it was formed when corner of the cavern had collapsed.

"This is far as I'm going," Atalie said "From here to the other end of the room each square sets off some sort of trap. Good luck."

"Whole lot of help she was," Khan muttered.

"I don't get it," Ren said.

"She took us down here, gave us useless information, and-"

"I was talking about the torches," Ren interrupted. "This vault is over a century old, how are they still burning?"

"Well I don't think they're the answer," Katara said keeping her distance from the flaming wood, "Maybe there's a pattern that'll get us across safely."

Cyrus stepped forward, "I will run every possible sequence through my processers to see if there is any relation." An awkward pause passed.

Khan coughed. Jaya elbowed him. Katara rolled her eyes. Ren tried not laugh. Clay watched. A perplexed look passed over Cyrus's face.

"I do not understand," he said.

"You didn't find anything?" Clay asked.

"No, I could not run it. I cannot access my processers, "he replied.

"Oh very helpful we have a robot that doesn't even work," Khan groaned.

"It's complicated technology," Ren shot back, "You can't expect it to work perfectly."

"Don't talk about Cyrus like he isn't here," Clay said, stepping forward, "And we have a job to do, so enough."

Khan turned to him, "Who died and made you leader?"

"He makes a better one then you could hope to be," Katara chimed in.

A sharp whistle broke out, startling all of them.

"This isn't the time to argue," Jaya, the source of the whistle, said, "Like Clay said, we're here to do something. Let's get it done."

Clay said, "She makes a point. Katara, you're good with tech. Do you think you can see what's up with Cyrus's? The rest of you, let's see if we can figure out a way across."

There was some grumbles, but they did as he asked. Ren and Khan started testing out the squares, triggering various traps in the process. They only managed to escape them by jumping straight back to the unmarked floor. If they'd tried to just go to another tile, they would've been caught in one of the traps. Meanwhile, Jaya and Clay studied the symbols engraved into the stone, searching for some sort of pattern or clue.

"Does anyone have some sort of tech on them?" Katara called out, "Preferably not too advanced."

I've got my phone," Khan said snapping it out of the holder on his belt, "it's beat up though... Either Clay or Ren kicked it into the wall..."

"It was me," Clay said.

"You owe me a phone," Khan told him.

"Fine, does it work?" Katara asked.

"It should..." Khan said, trying and failing to turn it on, "Or not."

"My GenWatch isn't working either," Ren added, showing them the black screen strapped to his wrist.

"My armbands are the same," Katara said, "I'll be right back." She disappeared into the crack.

"Well, any ideas on how to get across?" Jaya asked after the other girl had left.

"One," Khan said, "we run it."

"Correction: Any one have any good ideas on how to get across?" Jaye said. Apparently, she didn't like insults unless they were between her and her brother.

"I'm serious!" Khan said, "We're all trained ninja, are you saying our reflexes aren't faster than a bunch of ancient booby traps?"

"Actually," Katara said, returning from the outside "they're not ancient. In fact, they were probably only just built."

"Okay, you lost me," Ren told her.

"Could you elaborate?" Cyrus inquired.

"Not long after I left, I must of passed some sort of invisible line because my armbands started working," she explained, "but the really weird thing is that I ran into Atalie. She said she'd only just left and when checked the time, it hasn't changed from when we got here."

"So are you saying time freezes in here?" Clay asked.

"Something like that," she replied, "and that's possibly affecting the tech too."

"This does not compute," Cyrus stated.

"And what does that have to do with anything?!" Khan pointed out, "We still don't have a way across."

"Actually" Jaya said, approaching the collapsed corner of the room, "If time hasn't passed in this room since it was made, then when did the cave in happen? And why would Sensei Ju and the Guardians leave it?"

Clay lifted one of the rocks, not without some difficulty "Are we supposed to build a way across?"

"I don't think we can," Ren commented, "Not without something to hold the stones together, or cut them so they fit like a puzzle."

Katara walked to the edge of the grid. "Clay, can you throw that rock out there?"

"Sure," he grunted, positioning himself then sending the rock as far out as he could over the grid. It landed on a square several rows away, which triggered an intense jet of fire to it from above. To everyone's surprise, Katara gave sort of startled shout, and stumbled into Khan in her haste to get away from flames.

"Scared of fire, huh?" he askel catching her gently, "Don't worry, I won't hurt ya." She tore herself away from him with a death glare.

"Look, the stone's weight keeps the square down so we can step on it without setting anything off. All we have to do is make a path," she said.

"Great idea!" Jaya complimented her as the boys started moving rocks. Clay glanced back, noticing how Katara stayed behind, and handed them rocks instead of setting any down herself, now wary of the traps. He couldn't help but wonder if she had some past experience with fire that had left her traumatized. He set down the rock he was carrying and started to move out of the way, but when he saw the particular trap this one held, a stalagtite ready to fall and crush him, Clay froze.

No, no, no...

Not again...

It was all my fault....

"Why will you not move!?!" Cyrus yelped, quickly yanking him back moments before he would've been impaled by the stone spike.

Clay looked at the nindroid with a bewildered expression, disorientated because of the memories flashing in his mind, so vivid he'd thought they'd been real for a second.

"S-sorry. I-I don't.. thanks for saving me." He stammered.

"Gratitude is both unnecessary, and unwarranted," Cyrus stated.

"He means 'It was nothing.' Maybe you better sit the rest of this out," Ren said, leading the teen back to the entrance before continuing to help the others.

"You okay?" Clay asked Katara as soon as he saw her. He'd wanted to ask earlier, but he didn't think she would've been honest with the whole group watching. Hopefully she'd be more open if it was one on one. She didn't seem to get the memo though.

"Are you?" she responded, answering a question with a question.

He held back a sigh. "I asked first."

"I'm fine now."

Figuring that was the best he was going to get, he said "I just... I used to explore caves with with my mom. We had some close calls, but she'd always pull us out of trouble."

"'used to', do you guys not do that anymore? I guess you wouldn't have the time with the whole Guardian thing though.."

"That, and she died nine years ago," he said stiffly, handing a heavy rock to Cyrus. Katara blinked.

"I didn't know," she muttered.

"I didn't say."

"We're across!" Khan shouted from the other end of the room. Katara nodded for him to go first. As he hopscotched his way over the stones, his mind began to swirl again.

Why did I tell her?

It wasn't something he told others often. All sharing did was get him sympathy he didn't deserve. He moved away from Katara as soon as they reached the other end, taking a place between Khan and Ren to stare up at the huge double door set into the wall before them. Its only decoration was a series of five seals going down the center. From the top down: a symbol that looked a cross between a shuriken and a compass, a bunch of wiggly lines circling in, a yin yang droplet thing, a circle of boulders surrounding two mountain ranges, and a clock gear combo.

"What do they mean?" Jaya asked.

Cyrus ran hand down them. "I am unsure. I am unable to access my database."

"They look sorta familiar," Ren rubbed his chin.

"I know this one," Clay set a hand on the mountain symbol. As soon as his bare fingers brushed stone, an orange light lit from within the cracks. The doors silently began to slide open to reveal the chamber beyond. It was a small room, every inch of it covered carvings inlaid with precious metals and stones. His face went hard, remembering what had happened last time he'd been in a cave with this many jewels.

"What did you do?" Khan demanded.

"I don't know," Clay replied, storming in the room and prying the scabbard out it's place of honor on the wall. "Let's get of here." A deep rumbling started as cracks spread from the scabbards former home, and gemstones began to fall. Dimly he heard the others yelling, but his vision blurred as the memories hit him again.

falling towards me...

She saved me...

But now she's gone

If I hadn't frozen she'd still be here

If I hadn't grabbed the scabbard, this wouldn't be happening.

I let my friends down, just like I did with her.

It's all my fault.

He felt a body crash into him, throwing them both against the wall of the room as the rest of the room caved in. Coughing, he fought back tears, and he didn't think they were from the dust.

"Hey you okay?" Katara asked, trying her best to get off of him in the cramped space.

"Huh? Oh... yeah," Clay muttered, holding his head in his hands. From what he could tell a slab of stone had hit the wall at an angle, thus shealtering them. "Th-thank you." He added in a whisper, surrendering and letting his tears silently slide down his face, grateful that it was too dark for her to see them. Katara just sat next to him, muttering under her breath and trying to make as little contact as possible.

Why did I have to be so stupid?

We wouldn't be stuck if I'd just stopped to think, but no

I let my memories overwhelm me again

'Guardian of Earth' ha

I'm surrounded by it and I'm useless,

"Are you... crying?" Katara said hesitantly. Clay wiped his face, how had she known? He hadn't made a sound.

"Not anymore."

"It's... okay if you are. I mean, I can't think of a way out of here, so unless you have a plan..."

"I'm sorry. I should've never grabbed the scabbard without checking it."

"It's not your fault."

"Of course it is!" Clay snapped feeling all the fear, fustration, and guilt turn to anger, "I wasn't paying attention, and now it's going to cost us our lives! Just like-like when I caused the last cave in. She'd be here if I hadn't been so stupid."

At this point he lost it and starting sobbing like the little boy who'd lost his mom all those years ago, feeling as if everything that had passed since then had never even happened.

"Last cave in? What are you talking about?" Katara asked. "Who would still be here?"

"My- my mom. On my tenth birthday she took me to this-this cave full of crystals. I tripped on something and screamed and the cave started to collapse. One of the crystals were about to fall on me and I froze. My mom knocked me out of way, but it got her shoulder. We managed to escape, but... she died from the injury."

"I know better than most how much the guilt hurts, but don't let it control you." After a second, she handed him the bandanna she always wore so he could wipe his tears.

"So what am I supposed to do?" He felt a weight, a pressure beginning to build, slowly crushing him, "Forget about it? Let go?! Move on!?!" He grabbed at his hair, trying not to scream.

"No, let it became part of you. Accept it and make sure it never happens again. She died to save you. If you spend the rest of your life blaming yourself, her sacrifice will be pointless, but if you let it drive you, every step will have a meaning."

And then he did scream, the sound tearing from deep inside him, taking in every word she said like they were a lifeline out of the nine years torment caging him. Of telling himself every day he wasn't enough. That it had been his fault. Making himself carry a burden that got heavier with each step until he felt like he was carrying the weight of the world.

And now he was cracking, letting it go. Now he was ending it, because what was there to carry if it becomes part of you? A warmth poured through him, energy that felt like it was flowing from all around them. As if all the strength he'd lost fighting himself was coming back.

"Whoa," Katara whispered. Clay opened his eyes, and to his surprise, actually saw her. A soft orange glow was corning from his eyes and arms, looking almost like lava, and illuminating the angles on her face, her long black hair, her blue and silver eyes, and... pointed ears?

"Katara! Your ears, they're.... pointed?" he said, confused.

"And you're glowing," she teased, "But yes, I'm an elf. I'll explain later." She tied the bandanna back on, hiding her ears again.

"Do the others-?"

"No."

"Ah."

"Can you get us out of here?"

"I can try."

Clay shifted his positition so that his feet were under him, and his hands were against the slab. Grunting, he shoved it as hard as he could, and... it went flying into the opposite wall.

"What was that?" yelped a pile of rubble that sounded suspiciously like Ren.

Grinning at his new found power, Clay slammed both his hands into the floor, causing all the rocks to levitate. "That is the sound of freedom my friend. Who's ready to get out of here?"

#ninternia #clay brooks #katara anakari #khan lenori #jaya lenori #ren walker #ninjago fanfic

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purplesurveys · 4 months

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1786

How frequently are you inclined to read, and how much? Pretty often but it's just never novels, or anything fiction really. I try to get an article or essay in at least once a week since it's only through reading that I get to pick up new styles or vocab for my own writing.

When was the last time you questioned the direction your life was taking? I'm kind of going through that since I have been feeling caught in the middle in my job for a while now. My promotions have all happened at such a rapid pace and a part of me wants to appreciate all these opportunities and of course all the raises lol; but on the other hand I am also extremely well-aware of my objective incapabilities of being a leader, and now that I've technically made my way to the top I can't help but think 1) someone else would be a much better fit in this role I'm in, and 2) if there are other jobs out there where I can go back to being a follower.

I guess this is 25?

What small things have the ability to get under your skin? When people are slow, and it applies to just about everything. Drivers who take too long to change lanes, people who choose what to order while it's their turn instead of staying at the side to pick, when I'm part of a bigger group and they want to take a group photo and for some reason the blocking/formation takes forever to arrange... all these things really drain my battery for patience I'm afraid, lol.

When was the last time you were caused to be upset with someone? I was just the teeniest tiniest wee bit upset with my cousin last night for using my car outside of the main reason I lent my car to him in the first place. Long story short, he drove it for errands when my car suddenly went through a hiccup and wouldn't start and he called us in a panic because now he was stuck in front of a drugstore on Christmas eve with a car that won't start. It made my family have to adjust and slightly delay our dinner plans since we had to drive to him and jumpstart the car. It was honestly a hassle lol, especially on Christmas eve, but at the end of the day I still mostly felt bad for him since it must've been scary being stuck at the highway with a hiccup-y car that wasn't even his.

What is something small that has the ability to cure a bad mood? When I check on my dogs for comfort during said bad mood and they immediately hand over their toys to play fetch.

What beverage is best capable of quenching your thirst? Cold water.

What was the last big change through which you went? Do you deal well with change, typically? Have you always? The last big change(s): A massive work promotion, my two superiors simultaneously resigning, and the onboarding of a new business director under my unit (aka my new superior) who happens to have no prior knowledge or experience of PR.

The adjustments have been heavy and real and I'm going through the difficult process of accepting the fact that at this point I'll have to hand-hold both my teammates and the new superior. It's like playing a human tug of war and I'm the rope, haha.

No, I typically don't deal well with change. I like having structure and while I have learned to professionally adjust to PR being a change-heavy line of work, I still ultimately find comfort in routine. That's why Bea and Trina resigning has pretty much shaken my world and I'm still struggling to keep my head above water.

How do you feel after spending a great quantity of time online? I feel a bit inadequate, almost pathetic lol. When I reach that point I automatically put my phone down, leave it in my room, then find something else to do for a few hours.

What do you consider to be the biggest drawback to being you? Just the fact that I feel like the sun is setting with my time in my current company, but at the same time I also still don't really know where to head next. Feeling directionless in that regard has been more frustrating than I ever thought it would be.

What do you consider the best part of being who you are? I'm resilient, and, apparently, capable.

What kinds of things do you have on display in your room? I had my room completely remodeled a year ago so that it allows me to display all my BTS merch. Right now though we're right smack in the middle of the holidays, so I currently have a ton of paper bags with gifts that I'm not quite sure how to display around my room yet.

What do you think your room and its contents say about you, if anything? It says I am a K-pop fan who is willing to spend money on anything and everything related to her favorite group.

When was the last time you felt insecure about something/some situation? Currently.

Do you ever stop to contemplate infinity? Sure. Mostly about the universe – how big it can possibly be, how many other planets are out there, how many other livable planets are out there, who else in this giant ass map is living in this timeline, etc.

Are you comfortable amongst nature, or does the wilderness discomfort you? It depends, but I'm in the belief that if there's even just one thing that bugs me about nature then I don't really get to say that I'm comfortable in it – if that makes sense? Hahaha. That said there are a couple of things that I don't really like, like the mosquitoes, the no electricity and spotty cell signal... being in nature is great as a staycation, but I don't think I can live in it altogether.

When was the last time someone or something caught you off guard? Last night. The priest's Christmas homily was SO short I was dying trying not to laugh when I realized he was done within like 4 minutes and the commentator was already signaling for us to stand up so we can proceed to the next part of the service. I felt like the grand winner of the night HAHAHAHA

How much time do you put into maintaining your appearance and hygiene? Continued from last night. It's definitely less than average in that I'm not interested in makeup, use skincare stuff, or book appointments for my nails or whatever. But I also certainly don't neglect myself – it's just that I prefer really only going with the bare essentials; like when I go out I make sure my hair is tied properly or that my outfit's colors match and such.

Are there any foods you eat daily? Or wish you could? Rice.

When was the last time someone new entered your life? What was your first impression of that individual? My cousin's boyfriend. He's very friendly and we were able to bond pretty quickly because apparently he works in the ASC. Makes a mean gin and juice tower too.

Do you put much thought into your handwriting? I guess so. If I'm writing something and am not happy with how my penmanship turned out, I usually wouldn't hesitate to give it a second attempt (or third, or fourth...) until I'm finally satisfied.

What are some of the top priorities in your life right now? Getting settled in my new role, especially now that Bea has legit legit resigned and will be stepping out effective January 1st. And figuring out where to go next career-wise because I don't plan on staying long in said new role.

In general, how do you feel about romantic relationships? I wish it could be more normalized that it's not always for everyone. People my age get so bugged when they get asked when they plan on getting married or having kids, but they should also realize that they also get as intrusive when they ask me why I'm not dating or why I don't like dating or being in a relationship.

Which emotional sensation inconveniences or bothers you the most? Probably the anxiety/restlessness I get when I send an urgent message and the other person takes forever to respond. When that happens I put my phone away first and try to distract myself by doing something else – and while it mildly helps, it also doesn't completely take out the anxiety until they reply.

Are you capable of consoling others in their grief? No, and I'm not the type of person to actively console someone in grief because you never really know what they need at the moment; and from my own experiences, people usually want to be left alone. For the most part I leave a message for them and kinda just be on standby in case they want to talk.

Do you ever find it awkward to compliment another being? No, I quite like giving compliments. It's me who isn't so big on receiving them because I never know how to react, lol.

When was the last time you had a new experience? What was it? Last week at our Christmas party when I was a runner-up for best costume and had to do a runway pose thing because it was how they were going to determine the winner. I'm a selective extrovert, and performing in front of an audience beyond public speaking is NOT a comfortable situation for me haha. That said I bombed it on purpose so they can pick a winner and I can get out of the stage ASAP.

Do you dress more for yourself, or to the expectations of others? I wear what I like but I also make sure it's presentable for everyone else.

What kinds of things tend to stress you out? They're all work-related things. Outside of that, I guess unexpected emergencies? I don't exactly deal with them well; like if my car suddenly won't start I will 100% panic and call for someone to ask if they can come for me.

What is one way you cope when you feel like crap? YouTube YouTube YouTube all the way.

Name an insult you regularly receive, if there is one? Fortunately I am not insulted on the regular, at least not anymore.

Name a site that takes up a lot of your time Reddit.

What is something you used to believe about life that you no longer do? That I can keep throwing myself into work until the day I retire and easily ignore the stress because as long as I'm earning money I will be happy. That was me in college and it's the most naive I've been.

What is a lesson you have recently learned? Book Christmas Eve delivery reservations in advance.

Do you have a tendency to look on the morbid side of life? Eh, sometimes.

When was the last time you went shopping? What did you buy? I went on a final gift shopping run the day before Christmas Eve for my aunt who went home as a surprise + Angela's parents. For my aunt I got her a handful of silver earrings, then for Anj's parents I bought a bunch of nuts because apparently they're obsessed with them these days hahaha.

When you shop for clothing, how long does it take you? Give me an hour at most, especially if I had nothing specifically planned to get.

What is something fun you have done within the past week? Bonded with my cousins from my dad's side for the first time.

What is something you hope you never have to do again? Be a finalist for costume contests and have to pose and do bits for the audience.

How does the rain affect your mood, if it does? It relaxes me.

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odaatlover · 2 years

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Hello! Going to call myself tree anon because trees are awesome.

Firstly, I wanted to thank you for all you've done for this community. I'm a (recent) young adult and long time fan of queer media, being queer myself in a southern household that is not accepting towards such things.

I don't have anyone to talk to about gender identity, and when I thought if there was anyone who might know a thing or two, I thought of you. You have always been so willing to share your journey and help those of us with less resources find our way. I'm grateful for that. (Tree Anon (TA 1/?))

Hey there tree anon! I’m so glad that you felt like this was a safe space to share your feelings and experiences, because that’s my ultimate goal for this blog and for me just as a person in general — to be a safe space for anyone and everyone.

Gender is such a tricky thing because it’s so big of a spectrum and we’ve been taught to put it in these small boxes to categorize everything, but that’s just not how it works. And so then you get this massive confusion because what you’re feeling and what you’ve been told don’t make sense. I’ve definitely been there! I thought I was non-binary at first because I wanted all the masculine things but only wanted to hold on to the feminine ones just because I was used to it. But in reality, I didn’t want to keep any of those things at all. I just thought I did because my whole life I was told by others who I was, and it’s difficult to undo that way of thinking.

If T is something you’d like to start but your singing voice is the only thing holding you back, I’d say don’t let that one thing be a factor. I was afraid of this too because I enjoyed singing and I loved my voice, but I realized it was just another thing I was afraid to change because it was something I was used to. But there are SO many other changes with T that have made me so much happier that now it seems kind of silly that I was putting it off because of singing. And I will admit my voice is a little bit harder to control now because it cracks and I’m not used to my range, but that’s different for everyone. Some people end up singing better after T and loving their voice so much more. I do love my voice deeper, I just need to learn to control it better. But honestly I don’t even sing that much anymore anyways. Music used to be my escape from the dread of life that and was something I could find happiness in, but now I’m finding happiness in life and am just enjoying living. I enjoy going to the mall and just walking around, I enjoy little coffee dates with my wife, I enjoy going clothes shopping, I enjoy having my picture taken, I enjoy just being seen whereas before I absolutely hated drawing any sort of attention to myself because I didn’t want anybody to look at me. So I don’t need that escape anymore. I love music and I always will, but it’s no longer a crutch but rather a hobby.

Trans rights are under attack and it really sucks, but even then it’s still worth transitioning, at least for me personally. But I’m very privileged. I’m in a diverse area so I don’t worry about it as much as others do. Plus I have the privilege of being able to pass as a cis man so I don’t have to constantly look over my shoulder, I’m just automatically accepted because people don’t know. But I know that even if I did get a bunch of hate for it, I still would go through with my transition because life is just so much better in ways that words can’t express.

As for your family, I understand how upsetting this is. The only family I still have a relationship with is my sister. My parents and my extended family have all been cut out of my life. And even though it’s disappointing, it was the best decision I ever made. Ever since I cut my parents off I stopped having panic attacks. I don’t have extreme anxiety anymore. I didn’t even realize that they were the main trigger for my anxiety until I let them go. If your family disowns you, then they would be doing you a favor. You don’t need blood relatives to be happy, you just need a family of people who love and accept you for who you are. Whether that’s blood or a found family. For me it’s a found family, and I’m a million times happier than I ever was with my blood family because I’m not caged inside this tiny box of expectations that I could never meet. It takes some time to get used to that idea — it definitely did for me, not until I was moved out, married, and doing things in my own financially. But when you get to that place, it’s so freeing.

Just take everything one step at a time, one day at a time. You don’t have to figure it all out right now. If there’s something you want to change, do that. Whether it be a name like you said, pronouns, haircut, clothing style, whatever. Just take your time with it and try not to put too much pressure on yourself! Do what makes you happy, live your life. Living authentically will attract others who are like you and then you’ll have that awesome support system that makes all of this so much easier!

I hope this helped, and feel free to reach out to me anytime ❤️

#tree anon #asks

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