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hyunjinspark · 10 months

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star lost with you | hyunjin au | part 15

pairing: idol! hyunjin x artist! reader

synopsis: working in a quaint little art store, you’ve had the honor of meeting all kinds of people, but you’ve never met somebody like him.

there were many reasons hyunjin returned to his hometown; a getaway from the ephemeral and fast-paced life of the city, so he could fall in love with life again. he thought he was prepared for everything, to study art in the way that he’s always wanted to, but what he didn’t anticipate was meeting you. hwang hyunjin realises that sometimes, the best things in life happen unplanned.

genre: friends to lovers, so much angst, smut, fluff, set in the idolverse, mutual pining, unrequited love, forbidden romance, slowburn (!!!) soulmate au (kind of), star-crossed lovers

warnings: cursing, mature content, fancy drinking, mutual pining, sexual tension, so much angst, kissing, making out, dirty talk, fingering, grinding, dry humping, dom!hyunjin, jealousy, more angst

word count: 35K (ik the wc makes it feel v long but it’s really not that much haha)

a/n: im so excited to be coming back with this huge of a chapter for you guys. so much goes down and im insanely excited to share this next phase of my story with you. its v long so pls get comfortable with a blanket and snacks. I would recommend rereading the last chapter, if you can! thank you for still being here.

i recommend that you can listen to my star lost playlist here!

important: all works are fiction, and do not in any way represent the real personalities or real people, they exist only as faceclaims, and are fictional characters.

masterlist

He had fucked up. Even in the dimly lit drive-in theatre, the guilt on his face was evident. Hyunjin had never looked this devastated.

“I need to talk to you”

That’s what he had said. The gnawing feeling in your gut got worse. Those words together, in that order, was never a good sign. You knew as much, and you knew whatever he had to tell you was going to be something bad.

“Why did you leave in the middle of the film?” You asked, gaze darting between him and your friends.

Yuqi was staring wide-eyed, watching this unfold, soda cup clutched in her hands, and Felix…he looked beyond irritated.

The movie could still be heard all the way over here. You weren’t too far from the projection screen, and the speakers were right next to you. It was a horrible place to be having this conversation, but you couldn’t wait.

What was he holding back?

You’d always felt the safest around Hyunjin, but every breath between you right now was uncertain. He was fidgeting, sliding the silver ring off and on his finger.

“I was on my way back to you when—” Hyunjin paused, and the veins in his neck were prominent as he strained to be heard over the movie, “—when Felix found me. He wanted to talk”

“Is Jisung okay?” You blurted, the first thing that came to your mind. He was nervous as hell, and that freaked you out.

Hyunjin’s eyes widened, “No, he’s okay”

“Look. Y/N—“ Felix started, stepping ahead.

“Can I please just talk to Y/N…alone?” Hyunjin interrupted, turning to your friends. His frustration was new to you.

“Of course. Now you wanna talk to her” Felix scoffed, and your gaze drifted to him. You felt so out of the loop and everything was far too dramatic.

A laugh escaped you at the absurdity of this situation, “What is going on? You guys are acting like the world’s fucking ending or something”

“I’m sure it’s not that serious” Yuqi piped in, as a way to comfort you, and Felix glanced at her in disdain.

Hyunjin seemed to be physically struggling between appeasing you and Felix, but he focused his gaze on you.

“It’s not” He reaffirmed, pausing to breathe, “Obviously. It’s not… that serious”

“You sure?” Felix mumbled, taunting the situation, and you’d never known Felix to be the one to poke a bear with a stick.

His presence only added to your confusion and annoyance.

What was he doing here?

Hadn’t he just told you he couldn’t be friends with you anymore? Or whatever the hell he was going to say before you were interrupted?

You glanced at him, and the anger from your previous unresolved conversation surged back, “Lix. Can you just give us a moment alone, please?”

His eyes locked with yours in silent agreement, “Yeah. Sure. Whatever you want, Y/N”

“Yeonjun’s gonna be worried as hell about us” Yuqi spoke in a harsh whisper, grabbing him lightly by the forearm to lead him away, and even though you were embarrassed to have an audience, you were glad she was here.

You’d dragged everyone to the drive-in theatre tonight for the Jaws screening because it had seemed, at the moment, like a good idea. It was supposed to be one of the things on your bucket list. The list Hyunjin and you had made together.

A list of things to make you fall in love with your little town again, and you were only doing all of this because Hyunjin insisted. A silly excuse to be by his side, but it had worked. You’d seen the film they were playing tonight a dozen times, so yeah, you were only doing this so you could spend more time with him.

Right now though, it didn’t seem like the greatest idea, and more like the culmination of a really bad plan.

A confrontation you didn’t want.

Knowing Hyunjin, he hated confrontations too.

So, there must be a really fucking good reason why he was arguing with your best friend just now.

Felix mumbled something as they walked away, too quiet for you to catch amongst the sounds of the film.

A cold breeze picked up.

The blinking yellow sign above you was malfunctioning, a buzzing sound escaping it, distracting you momentarily until Hyunjin’s face came into focus again.

He was so apprehensive, a concerned frown on his face. Guilty was not a good look on him.

You swallowed your anxieties, raising your voice louder, “Can you just please tell me what’s going on? You’re kind of freaking me out here”

“Nothing is going on like that, I promise. It’s just…Yongbok found something out and freaked out about it. He was upset at me but—”

“What did he find out?” You were impatient.

Hyunjin squeezed his eyes shut, and sighed, “He saw me earlier…at the station”

It took you a second to put two and two together.

“The train station…? What were you doing there?”

His eyes darted around the driveway, realising that this was probably the worst place to be having any kind of conversation. The noise of the horror film had drowned the two of you out.

“Can we go somewhere else? Where it’s quieter, please?”

You didn’t think you had the patience. Your stomach turned every second that he didn’t tell you what was wrong.

“Please?” He asked again, “I’ll tell you everything. I just want to get away from here”

What was so complex that he couldn’t just say it now?

It felt like a break-up except you and him weren’t even fucking dating.

Your gaze flickered over his face, frown lines on his forehead that didn’t suit him, and it was only now that you noticed the bags under his eyes. He hadn’t slept last night. He was too young to be so worried.

“Yeah, of course”

There was relief on his face at your agreement, shoulders relaxing, and he looked around.

The theater was in the middle of fucking nowhere.

Where would you even go?

Worry returned to his face, and you sighed, “There’s a loading dock, like a few minutes from here. It’ll be quieter there”

He nodded, following closely behind you as you led the way.

You focused on the sound of your footsteps in the dirt to not completely freak out.

“Is everything with Chan fine?” You ended up asking.

“Yeah, he’s fine too” He fell quiet again, “I’m sorry you’re missing the movie because of me”

The noises got muffled as you moved further away.

“I really don’t care” You told him, “I’ve seen it before”

“Oh, okay”

You stopped at a chain-link fence, leading to a loading dock for various trucks and vans. It was dead right now, but it'd be brimming with life in the early hours of the day.

“This is quiet enough”

This was also as far as your patience could go.

Hyunjin nodded, leaning his weight against the fence, running a hand through his hair, “I guess”

Another round of screams from the audience echoed through the area, and you shrugged, “Guess not”

He didn’t seem amused though, “They’re so loud”

“It is the best part of the movie” You told him, “They finally defeat the shark”

Hyunjin nodded, as if he’d forgotten what the movie Jaws was even about, “Right”

He looked like a wounded animal, afraid you’d get mad at him, but you didn’t even understand what you should be mad about.

His hand peeked out from under his button-up sleeve. You reached forward, not thinking before slipping your fingers between his.

The gesture surprised him, and he glanced up at you with big eyes. He squeezed your hand, finding comfort in it.

“I was buying a ticket back”

You frowned, asking a question you already knew the answer to, “Back to?”

His breaths were shallow, in uneven intervals and his shoulders rose and fell with each anxious inhale and exhale.

“Seoul” He clarified, biting his bottom lip.

“Oh. Isn’t…it too early?”

His gaze fell, eyes avoiding yours, “I was trying to tell you earlier, but I didn’t get the chance”

“Tell me now” You tilt his head up, fingers under his chin so he could look right at you.

He took in another deep breath, eyes staring into yours, “I…have to leave, Y/N. I have to move back to the city”

The words didn’t shock you.

That’s it?

You knew he had to leave.

A weight lift off your chest at the familiarity of his confession, and you could breathe again, “Yeah. I…know that, Hyunjin”

His eyes widened, “You do?”

Your fingers settled on his jaw, to calm him, “I mean, I know that you can’t stay here forever. You were only here for the summer anyway”

Relief swirled his eyes at your calmness, “Um…yeah”

It felt anticlimactic. This was why he was so nervous, why Felix was so mad, why they were fighting?

You two stood so close, hand-in-hand, and this didn’t even seem like a big deal. Hyunjin wasn’t going to be holed up in this small town forever. Everybody knew it would always be temporary, so what was the drama for?

A breeze blew Hyunjin’s hair in his face, and you tucked the chestnut strands behind his ear, “Would you have to start packing soon?”

With that question, Hyunjin’s eyebrows furrowed again, “I already packed, Y/N”

“Already?” You laughed, there was a whole month left but he was already preparing, “You should’ve told me…I could’ve helped you.”

He frowned, and suddenly your name on his lips felt bitter, “Y/N…”

Like it took effort to say, and like it broke his heart.

It felt like an apology, but you didn’t know what for.

You squeezed his hand, to let him know he had nothing to be sorry for, “Tell me…”

“No, you don’t understand. I’m — I’m not staying for the rest of the summer anymore”

Your heart squeezed, and suddenly you realised why he was so anxious.

You needed confirmation, “You’re not?”

“I need to leave” He let out a breath, “Tonight.”

The words hit you like a punch to your gut.

Hyunjin explained further, to make sure you understood, but your head was already spinning, “My train leaves for Seoul… in a few hours”

Your grip on his hand dropped, and you stopped touching him.

He stared at you for what felt like forever, eyes flickering between yours, “I’m sorry”

He’s sorry?

You had trouble speaking the words, “What? Tonight?”

His eyes were wide at your reaction, and at your tone. He thought you didn’t believe him.

And you didn’t.

Tonight was so soon, and in a few hours was fucking insane.

As you processed his words, the silence stretched for seconds, excruciatingly long.

He felt a stupid need to fill in the void, “My manager’s coming to pick me up. He doesn’t want me to make the journey back alone. He’s worried about a crowd at the station, in case the information leaked—”

Hyunjin kept talking, and explaining, but you’d stopped listening.

What the fuck was he even saying?

All of these technicalities.

You couldn’t even still process what he’d told you.

Yeah, you knew he had to leave but you didn’t think it’d be tonight.

You didn’t think it’d be right now.

You weren’t prepared.

Each word he spoke was a lightning bolt to your heart, ripping chasms open in the perfect day you’d just had.

It couldn’t be. You had so much planned with him. You hadn’t even gotten to the good part yet.

The sky lit up in bright white, blinding you.

You hadn’t even told him that you loved him...

The wind picked up, dust blowing into your eyes but you didn’t care. The lightning wasn’t just within you. There was a storm coming.

Hyunjin glanced up at the sky; dark clouds suddenly looming over you, but that was the least of your worries.

“We should get inside” He realised, reaching for your hand, but you stepped away from him, pulling your hand out of reach.

His eyes were wide at the rejection.

“I’m sorry. You said that you’re leaving in a few hours?” You asked again, hoping this was just a horrible fucking joke, and you heard him wrong.

But he fucking nodded, not saying anything.

Your stomach was beginning to hurt, a shooting pain through your body, and you felt dizzy.

Bile rose up to your throat at the suddenness of everything, “I don’t understand. You said you didn’t have to go back, not until the end of summer and—”

“I know” He interrupted, “I know that’s what I said, but things changed. The company needs me back, I don’t have much of a choice”

“But what about Kkami…and about the art classes?” Stupid questions, when all you wanted to ask was something else.

“I canceled the classes yesterday, and Minho said he’ll look after Kkami until my aunt comes back to town”

Of course.

“Oh”

Of course he’d figured everything out. A man as precise as Hyunjin, of course he’d already solved for all the problems you couldn’t even foresee.

But what about you?

Your gaze fell from his, heart falling deep into your gut and maybe that explained the pain in you. You didn’t even know what to say. It was so much information, to process all at once, and pathetically, you mumbled, “I thought I’d have more time with you”

“I know, Y/N. I...thought so too” His voice was too soft, too calm, “But I’m sorry that we don’t”

Was he not affected by this? Why was he so calm?

In a few hours, he would be more than a hundred miles away from you.

That wasn’t okay.

But he seemed perfectly fine right now.

How long had he known this?

“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you before” He swallowed, and stepped closer. His hands glided up your arms, coming to rest at your shoulders. He squeezed the skin there, and maybe he thought it was comforting, but it just felt suffocating.

Your chest was pounding so hard you could hear your heartbeat in your ears.

You were still confused, so many questions in your head, “But that doesn’t explain why Felix was fighting with you”

Hyunjin sighed, “He…he thought that I wasn’t going to tell you”

There it was.

Your eyes narrowed, darting up to his, a new fear sinking into you, something you hadn’t even considered, “Wait. Were you not?”

His eyes widened, but his voice gave him away, “No. I was going to—”

You took another step back, and he dropped his hands from you.

“You weren’t even going to say goodbye, Hyunjin?”

He hesitated before speaking, “I was”

“When?”

“What?”

“When were you going to tell me? If you’ve already bought a ticket. You’ve already cancelled the classes. You’ve…packed everything. You’ve already given Kkami away. So, when…were you going to tell me?”

He squeezed his eyes shut.

And it was enough.

“You’re fucking kidding me”

“Let me explain, please--”

Another flash lit up the sky.

Thunder ripped through the atmosphere, and the sound startled you both, making you look up.

It wasn’t raining, not yet, but it would soon.

Immediately, you heard scrambling over at the drive-in theatre. All of the people would be exposed to the rain, and now they’d have to pack it up, and leave.

How fitting for a storm to pass through right fucking now.

You looked back at him, because this wasn’t like him.

The Hyunjin you’d come to know…would never blindside you like this.

You stepped further away, your sneakers tripping over the dirt and Hyunjin reached out to steady you, but you ripped your arm back, “You were just going to leave”

“I tried telling you yesterday, in the forest! You were the first person I was going to tell” Hyunjin exclaimed, eyes wide in what you could only recognise as despair.

In the forest, when you’d taken him to see the fireflies. Hyunjin had said he wanted to tell you something. He was trying to tell you this?

Sourness developed in your mouth, “What? Yesterday?”

“But you stopped me. You kissed me, and you said you didn’t want to know”

Your sadness was suddenly replaced by embarrassment, and bitterness.

“So…it’s my fault?”

“What? Of course not. That’s not what I’m saying”

Your emotions were toppling over, and you couldn’t manoeuvre them anymore.

You felt a surge of hopelessness, because he didn’t understand how important this was to you.

How important he was.

“If it was so important, you should have told me anyway! I obviously would have understood, and stopped kissing you. I’m not that dense, or …needy”

Hyunjin’s eyes were wide, like he couldn’t believe you.

“I know that you’re not. Of course, you’re not” He repeated, stepping towards you, “I knew how upset it would make you, and I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t want to ruin the time we had left”

There was no justifiable reason for you to be this sad. He was only going to be a few hours away from here, but you’d dreaded the day he’d leave ever since you met him.

His life in the city was a whirlwind, and he didn’t have time for anything.

How would you ever stay in his life, or keep him in yours?

Your voice was shaky, “I’m not upset at you, Hyunjin”

“Really? Because it looks like you hate me right now” He laughed.

You sighed, looking him in the eye, “Of course not”

“I just don’t understand why I’m the last to know. You said that your manager is coming to pick you up…and you’re worried the information would leak. So does everybody know you’re coming back or something?”

He nodded slightly, as if his answer would hurt you, “The media knows. There’s going to be a crowd at the station, in the city when I get back”

So if you waited a few more hours…the morning papers would have told you anyway.

The thought almost made you want to laugh, or cry.

“We were having such a good time, at the Creek, and…I didn’t want to kill the mood, obviously I was right, because you’re so upset right now”

“Right. I’m sorry for being upset that you’re leaving Hyunjin”

He pulled you towards him, “Stop, please. This is…not how I wanted tonight to go”

“Then how did you want it to go?”

“I wanted to…stay up with you, and talk to you, and listen to you...until I can”

It sounded tempting. You’d do anything to have that.

But he was leaving tonight.

“Do you know when you’ll come back?”

“What?”

“To Daejon. Do you know when you’ll come back?”

He hesitated, “I don’t know. A couple of years, maybe then…”

“So after tonight…you have no idea when we’ll see each other again?”

“Yeah, but…you can visit me in Seoul, right?” He asked, a hopeful lilt to his tone.

Your head was still spinning, “Were you going to stay in touch with me?”

“Yeah. I was going to give you my new number—”

“Your new number?” You were confused.

“I have to change it…every few months. For safety”

Another lightning flash lit up his face, and then the first drops of rain followed. They wet your hair, dripping down your face, masquerading as tears.

“Yeonjun would be wondering where I am”

“What?” Hyunjin asked, but you needed to fixate on something else or you’d go insane.

“I have to tell him” You mumbled, more to yourself, reaching for your phone in your back pocket, but you’d left it back in the truck. A frustrated groan escaped you.

“I can tell him” Hyunjin spoke, immediately, pulling his phone out to text him. You watched as he did so. The bright phone lit up his face, as he typed in a text, but from here, you could see his fingers trembling.

The vendors were rushing to close all the food shops before the rain came in. The sound of people scrambling with their blankets and snacks to get inside. Car doors being shut, and engines being started.

“Please just let me explain, so you can understand what’s going on in my head”

You needed to calm down. This was always going to happen, and you shouldn’t be surprised. You shouldn’t be heartbroken and so fucking weak.

You nodded, “Go ahead”

He grabbed your hand in urgency but you didn’t stop him, “I knew how upset it would make you, and I’m so fucking sorry. I knew the moment that I told you, it would be real, and is it crazy if I wanted the summer to last longer? I was being selfish and I wasn’t thinking”

You took a deep breath, his words calming you down by the second, “It’s not selfish. I..I’m sorry. I just thought you were hiding it from me, and…I got upset. How long have you known?”

“Barely two days” He admitted, and then, “That’s kind of why I was rushing through your list”

A laugh escaped you, at the lost innocence of that sentence, “What? My list is not… important, Hyunjin”

He frowned, “It was to me…”

The cold water draped over your forehead, dripping down your eyes, tracing your nose, falling into your mouth. You should be sane, and walk out of this storm before you both fell sick. Hyunjin was just watching you, and you think his heart was broken too. For a reason different to yours.

“A few hours…” You realised, and you were already losing time.

He squeezed your hand, “If you would let me, I’d like to spend them with you”

The rain intensified, transforming into a downpour, drowning out the last of his sentence. Everybody must have left the drive-in theater by now and that meant it was just you and him in the middle of this summer storm.

You felt like a broken record, “I wish I knew”

“Why?” He bent down to your height, voice softening, “It…wouldn’t have changed anything”

You took in a deep breath. He was right.

It wouldn’t have changed anything.

His eyes were exploring yours, apologetic, and you could understand what went on in his head. If you could spare Hyunjin the pain of something sad, you would have done the same.

He was getting drenched in the storm, and you’d feel guilty if he fell sick because of you, “Are you okay?” He asked you.

You suddenly felt numb.

Why shouldn’t you be okay?

“I’ll only be a few hours away from you” He reassured you, and then chuckled softly, “It’s not like I’m moving to another country”

A loud honk pulled you out of the conversation.

Yuqi’s truck was to the side, parked on the dirt road, and Yeonjun was poking his head out of the window, “What the hell are you two still doing out there?”

You looked back at Hyunjin, swallowing, “We should go”

“Come on” He spoke, guiding you towards the car with his hand on your back. You rushed inside, arms around yourself to be warm. He went around the back, getting in through the other side, and he was completely soaked, hair dripping, “Sorry for getting your seats wet, Yuqi”

She told him it was fine, and Yeonjun turned round to ask, “Am I taking you straight home then, Y/N?”

Yuqi gave you a sympathetic look in the rearview mirror. Felix must have told her what the argument had been about.

You glanced at Hyunjin. He thought you were angry at him. Well, you were a bit. But never enough to ignore him like this. This was his last night here. Everything felt so sudden, and rushed, and you weren’t sure you’d even understood it, but you had be mature about this.

“No, I’m…not going home” You told Yeonjun.

Hyunjin raised his eyebrows, as if to ask if you were sure.

He was crazy if he thought you’d let him go without even saying goodbye.

“Can I come to your place?”

He nodded, in a single breath answering, “Of course”

Every second spent arguing over this was one less second with him. Yeonjun drove away from the loading dock, and time was slipping away and you glanced at Hyunjin. He was looking out at the town as it passed by, and he looked so fucking lost…or nostalgic.

Daejon passed by in a blur, as you drove to his house.

It would be selfish of you to think you were the only one affected by this. He was the one who would have to go back the life he’d left behind.

You drove past Aera’s, and Hyunjin’s gaze lingered on it, long after you’d already passed it. The car ride was quiet, other than the music Yuqi was playing, but you’d tuned it out.

Hyunjin’s eyebrows were furrowed as he watched the blur of trees and homes and places you’d come to spend all of your time in this summer. It was like he was trying to take everything in but Yeonjun drove faster than his memories could catch up.

His hand was on his thigh, fingers trembling still, and you don’t know if it was from the cold or if he was scared.

Your heart squeezed in your chest.

You reached over without thinking, hand settling over his, and immediately, he was calm.

»»————-

Hyunjin’s room was ripped bare.

The art had been taken off the walls, the paint canisters had been stashed out of sight, the mattress was naked of the blue sheets and comforter you’d grown to love.

Cardboard boxes lay under his window, taped up and sealed shut.

His art wasn’t decorating the room anymore, instead it lay packed under layers of bubble wrap and paper.

It was strange, because you’d only been here a few times, enough to count on one hand, but it felt like a loss. Empty rooms always made you sad. It signified the end of something.

Yeonjun’s room had stayed empty, and even when he visited home, he’d live out of his suitcase. After all, nobody took the time to hang back picture frames on the walls.

Your gut tinged with sadness.

Hyunjin stood at the other side of the room, arms crossed, emanating a calm silence.

Your eyes met his, a strange resignation within them. You hugged yourself, arms coming round your body in a comforting embrace.

The room was far too barren for your liking, but compared to outside, at least it was warm here.

With difficulty you found the words, “How does it feel? To see your room like this?”

He cleared his throat, and his hair was still wet, chestnut strands sticking to his skin, “Honestly?”

“Yeah”

“I don’t feel anything”

Maybe that was the saddest answer you could hear.

Your indignant look made him clarify further.

His Adam’s apple bobbed before he spoke, “I…I know that’s weird. I thought I’d be sad, but I don’t really feel anything”

“I get that” You nodded, leaning against the wall, movements mirroring his.

“You do?” He tilt his head, fiddling with the pendant around his neck.

You did get him, but you can’t seem to elaborate.

After all, you’ve never had to deal with anything of this nature.

You’ve lived in the same place your whole life. The same room. The same bed. The same view from your window every morning and night.

How could you know what goodbyes felt like?

“I thought I’d be sadder” He continues upon your silence, “I just don’t feel much of anything, and that makes me…feel sad. Shouldn’t I be just a little upset?”

“Maybe you haven’t processed it yet?” You offered.

He shook his head, frown lines on his forehead, “It’s not that”

You couldn’t comprehend what he felt, and all you could do was guess, “Maybe it’s too soon”

His eyebrows shot up, as if he realised something utterly significant about himself. Yet he didn’t share it with you. He slipped his hands deeper into his pockets, adjusting his posture against the wall.

A black suitcase stood between you, and you wonder what he’d put in it. What was he taking with him? It was strange to imagine that his entire summer here had fit into just those four cardboard boxes. There must have been things he discarded, or gave away.

What did he leave behind?

“So…how will you take all this stuff back?” You asked, gesturing over to the boxes.

“I’m not. I’m just taking my luggage with me” He explained, “I just packed everything else so it’d be easier for my aunt to take care of the house when I’m gone”

When he’s gone.

“That’s thoughtful of you” You smiled, gazing at the other boxes pushed under his bed, “What about your art supplies? Are you taking them too?”

He shook his head, chuckling nervously, “No, I had no space in my bag”

Your eyebrows shot up, “How are you going to paint when you’re in the city then?”

“I doubt I’ll have time at first” He admit.

Your heart clenched. Another loss.

“But…when I do, I’ll just get new supplies” He continued, so simply.

Your eyes narrowed, “Hwang Hyunjin… do you have any idea how expensive art supplies are?”

A hint of a smile appeared on his face, “I know, but I have no choice. There’s an art shop in Hongdae. I’ve passed it a hundred times. I think I’ll finally visit it”

“You’re going to forget all about Aera’s then” You frowned.

He hummed, smiling at you, “I could never”

You smiled, and a comfortable silence fell upon you.

He moved across his room to sit against the desk, “I am kind of sad about putting away all my art though. They’re just going to collect dust forever”

“Maybe you can put them back up when you come back” You suggested.

He nodded, “Right. When I’m back.”

He traced a hand against his empty desk. Just a few days ago, it was full of clutter, flower vases, and pretty candles, and pencils of different sizes. The first night he’d come to Aera’s he’d bought a little canvas and a single pencil from you.

That was so long ago, and you smiled to yourself at the memory.

“You’re really not going to miss home, and your room?”

“I have something of yours” He interrupted, ignoring your questions entirely.

“Oh…okay” Is all you can seem to muster.

He pulled open the drawers, and you move towards him. He’d cleared out everything from within them too. Including all his paint supplies, his knick-knacks, the hair ties… and that box of condoms you saw once…

Was he leaving that behind?

Or had he packed that too?

Maybe it’d be useful to him in the city.

The thought made you choke up, and you turned away, giving him space to look for whatever he was looking for.

He finally pulled open the last drawer, and spoke, “I found it when cleaning, and uh, I don’t know how but I forgot to return it,”

You stepped forward to take a glimpse, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with him.

“My sketchbook!” You realised, recognising the torn-up leather cover.

Pulling it out, you flipped it open, seeing the sketches you made on countless train journeys, “Honestly…I didn’t even know you have this”

Hyunjin laughed, and your gaze darted to his.

It was the first he’d laughed like this since he’d told you he was leaving.

“I promise I didn’t steal it or anything” He admitted, “You never took it back after Felix’s birthday”

“That was ages ago. I guess I have far too many sketchbooks to keep count” You hummed, flipping further through the book, seeing the drawings Hyunjin had filled it with on the journey, when you’d given it to him. You felt him move closer to you, body stopping right behind yours.

You traced your fingers against the ink, trying not to get distracted by his breathing on your neck, “The beach cabin. You drew it”

Hyunjin nodded, looking over your shoulder at the picture, “I did. That was…a good night”

You craned your neck to look at him, a laugh escaping, “Really? I felt kind of bad for dragging you along for that whole trip. Ended up being pretty shitty”

He smiled, eyes flickering over you, “Not all of it”

You flipped to another page, but Hyunjin’s hand reached out to stop you. You looked at him questioningly.

“Uh…you can go through that later. We don’t have much time”

You nodded, keeping it aside. He walked over, sitting on the mattress, and stared out through the window. It was still raining fiercely, a thunderstorm raging outside.

“If it wasn’t raining, we could have gone stargazing” He realised.

The disappointed in his tone pulled at your heartstrings, “Maybe it’ll pass soon”

He shook his head, “No, I checked — It’s going to be cloudy till noon tomorrow. I’ll already be gone by then”

“Oh”

It was hard to put his words into comprehension.

He was really going to be gone.

You’d gotten so used to seeing him all the time, everywhere. He would show up at your job, and he would go around town with you, and a part of you felt like he’d always be here to do that.

After a while, he sighed, “I guess I was looking forward to doing something cool with you…before I have to leave”

You stared at the rain, the droplets trailing down his windowsill, racing to the bottom, “This could be nice too. It hasn’t rained like this in months”

He nodded in silent agreement, and you watched the downpour, quietly, stealing glances at him. There was a sense of awkwardness and emptiness in the air.

He wasn’t being honest with you about everything, but you didn’t want to push. It felt like he was holding back yet again, and you wish he’d just tell you everything on his mind.

Flashes of lightning lit up his face every few minutes, and he looked out at the dark garden like it held all the answers to life, and the universe.

“Hyunjin…” You spoke.

He glanced at you, and his eyes looked sad.

You were counting down the fleeting moments left with him. Was he too?

It broke your heart. Why was he so quiet when you only had a few hours together?

You couldn’t push him, but each second mattered.

So you walked over to him, kneeling on the floor so you could look at him, “What’s wrong?”

His eyes darted between yours, lips parted, as he thought over your question.

“I don’t know” His voice quivered.

You placed a hand on his leg, to ground him, “You wanted me to come over”

He swallowed, “I did”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to be alone right now”

“You’re not” You assured him, patting lightly on his knee, “What are you thinking about?”

“Shouldn’t I feel sad?” He asked, “Something has to be wrong with me”

“What do you mean?” You frowned.

“You asked me earlier if I will miss Daejon, but I only feel numb. I cried when I left Seoul, but why do I feel nothing leaving here?”

His words were heavy, and you don’t know if you were qualified to answer him, because you were too emotionally invested in this, and in him.

“Maybe you haven’t processed it yet”

He looked back at the garden, fence, and skies, “Yeah, I can’t believe I’m going to be back in the city tomorrow. It feels like a world apart, and I can’t really grasp leaving this”

“I mean, it is a world apart, Hyunjin”

He looked at you, “I feel like I never got the chance to settle here. It’s been so temporary. I always knew I was only here for a little while, and I can’t get myself to feel sad”

“It’s not like… an obligation, Hyun. I can’t imagine how it feels like to live two places. If you don’t feel a certain way, you can’t force it”

He nodded, quietly staring ahead at his garden.

He was stuck between two places, and two lives. He’d always told you about that.

Even though he wasn’t sad, he didn’t seem happy either, so you said, “What are you looking forward to the most when you get back?”

“Meeting the guys” He responded, in a heartbeat, and then smiled at his own eagerness, “I’m also excited to just be able to do my job again”

“Yeah?” You asked, taking a seat next to him so you could be level with him, “Do you already have your schedule for the next few weeks?”

He nodded, “Mmh. It’s kind of crazy, but it’ll be nice to be that busy again”

You shifted closer to him, as did he, with the pouring rain in backdrop. It was isolating, but comforting, “What else?”

“Hmm?”

“What else are you excited about?”

Hyunjin’s lips pulled up into a smile, “To step into the dance studio. Man, I’ve missed that more than anything”

You smiled, “Yeah?”

“When I was a trainee, I basically slept there.” He hummed, and despite the obvious hardships he hinted at, his memory came from a place of fondness and comfort.

His eyes crinkled as he remembered something else, “It’s funny. It happened so often. Our manager installed a small bench there, so I could pass out on it, instead of killing my back on the hardwood floor”

“Wow. That’s so nice of him” You smiled, watching his eyes lit up talking about his home.

“I also can’t wait to get back to the recording studio. Chan told me details about the next album. Apparently, he, uh, wants me to have a couple of my own songs on it”

Your eyes widened, “Wait, what do you mean?”

As far as you knew, all of their songs were written by his team members.

“Um” He laughed nervously, crossing his legs, “Like songs I write just by myself, and produce”

“I didn’t know you write songs” You admitted, feeling stupid. Sadness settled in your stomach, as you realised there was so much you still didn’t know much about Hyunjin.

There was so much you wanted to know, to discover about him.

Hyunjin laughed, “I try to, I haven’t released my own yet. The guys usually take care of that, so this will be a first…I don’t even know what I’ll write about”

“But…have you written songs before?”

He nodded, “I used to write a lot on tour, but I never really felt confident enough to release them”

Curiosity flooded you, “What kind of things do you write about?”

He laughed, “You’ll be disappointed, it’s kind of cheesy…and mainstream”

“I don’t care”

He smiled, “You’ll be the first to hear if I finish”

“Are you excited to see Chan?”

He laughed, “Insanely. Jisung and Binnie too. I can’t believe I went so long without them. Hopefully they haven’t burnt the dorm down”

He grimaced at the thought, and then laughed, “And Jisung…man, I think I’ll squeeze the life out of him when I see him, and not let go. He’s been through far too much in my absence”

“They must be missing you a lot” You spoke, watching his fond smile.

You would miss so many moments in his life.

Crucial moments that would redefine him as a person.

You would miss the excitement in his eyes when he reunited with the boys again. You’d miss the work he would put into the self-composed songs, and the satisfaction of his smile when he finished.

So many little and bigger moments of happiness, the kind of things that make a person.

The next time you saw him, he’d probably be so different from who he was now.

You would both have changed as people, grown apart from each other.

But he was smiling at everything he had to look forward to, and that’s all you wanted in the moment. For him to feel happy.

“We still have a few hours left. It’s your last night. Is there anything in particular you wanted to do?”

Hyunjin tilt his head, “I didn’t really plan for anything… I was just hoping you’d spend it with me”

He already seemed so much more relaxed, and you were glad.

“Do you need help cleaning anything or packing up?”

He shook his head, “I think everything’s done but…we could have drinks together, if you want?”

His last night in town should be memorable.

“That sounds perfect” You smiled, getting off the bed, as you followed Hyunjin back to the kitchen.

He had changed from his storm-drenched clothes into simple sweatpants, and they fit him well, sitting comfortably on his hips. The hoodie was also simple, and it looked soft enough to touch, like it was made from the finest wool in the country.

“What do you usually like to have, Y/N?” Hyunjin reached up to the cabinets at the very top, his height allowing him to do so with ease, “I know that you liked the rosé when we went to the paint event, and I know that you absolutely hate beer”

You laughed at the memory, jumping up to sit comfortably on the kitchen counter. Hyunjin glanced at you briefly, smiling to himself at the position, and how you’d made yourself at home.

You thought about it, but you weren’t a big cocktail drinker, so you hummed, “I’ll have anything you’ll have”

“You’re easily influenced” He laughed, “What if you hate my taste?”

You smiled at him, swinging your legs gently against the counter, “I trust you”

He made a face, “Now I have to live up to your unrealistically high expectations of me. Isn’t that too much pressure for my last night?”

You threw your hands up in defense, “You’re the one who suggested we have drinks, Hyun”

He smiled, peering at the alcohol he had in his cabinet. There wasn’t too much, since he rarely lived here, and you don’t suppose his aunt was a big drinker.

“Have you ever tried a Dolce Vita?” He asked you, the drink's name slipping from his lips so smoothly, and you guessed it was Italian from his pronunciation, but Hyunjin made it sound so expensive.

“Can’t say that I have”

He stepped towards you, body touching your legs, but still not close enough, “I think it’s your kind of a drink”

“What makes you say that?” You tilt your head.

He thought over his words, mulling them in his head, “It’s…classy. It’s elegant, and it’s…romantic”

You stilled, watching him describe it.

“It’s pink, and…it has dark chocolate on top” He continued, and then smiled to himself, “It fits you really well”

You smiled, heat flushing to your chest, and cheeks, “What’s the catch?”

“I don’t have all the ingredients” He spoke, a soft pout on his lips, “But I can make you another drink, that you might like”

“When did you even learn all these recipes? I didn’t know you’re a connoisseur”

He laughed, stepping back towards the cabinet to check the ingredients, “I’m not, but Chan taught me a few. He and Kairi…make their own cocktails a lot”

“I hope I can meet them one day” You spoke.

Hyunjin glanced at you over his shoulder, “You’d love Kairi. She’s…so much like you”

You thought, still swaying your legs, “Does that mean Chan would love me too?”

He chuckled, and his shoulders shook from the action, “He kind of already does”

It was still pouring outside, and you looked at the droplets cascading down the kitchen window. It was kind of nice to be trapped in this house with him. It was a big place too, and it was empty, and just the two of you. It was like you were two kids playing house.

Hyunjin was fiddling with different liqueurs, and you could hear the clinking of glasses, and spoons as he moved things around on the counter. You would help him if you could, but you had no experience in mixology and he had it handled. It was calming, to listen to the thunder, and just sit here.

“What are you making now, Hyun?” You asked, fiddling with the cuts in your jeans.

“It’s called the Queen of Hearts”

You laughed, “I have never heard of these names. Are they just for rich people…or something?”

He tsked, shaking his head “I’m not that rich, Y/N”

“Statistically speaking, you’re…like in one of the biggest bands in our country”

He smiled softly at you again, “How do you know that? Did you read about me online?”

“Maybe I did” You flushed, “Sometimes you show up on my Instagram. Your fans are very loyal, you know?”

He laughed, turning around to look at you, and you could see he was shaking a liquid in a glass, “I sure hope you don’t believe everything you see about me though. There’s a lot of false news out there”

“So, what, you haven’t dated like every female pop star in the country?” You teased him, exaggerating.

He rolled his eyes, turning back to the counter, to put the glass down, “Did someone actually say that I did?”

“Of course not” You smiled, “That wouldn’t be a believable rumour”

“You’d be surprised what people believe” He laughed, and then paused to say, “I’ve only ever dated one”

Your eyebrows shot up, “A pop star?”

“Yeah”

You looked at him, and you were so curious suddenly, albeit a lot of it stemmed from envy. Whoever had the honor of dating Hyunjin…did they know how lucky they were?

Was in he love with her?

Was she?

You imagined it in your head — the dates he would go on, and the kind of romantic things he would say. He was already such a nice person to you, and you two were just friends. What would he be like…with the girl that he loves?

A pit of jealousy settled in your stomach, so deep, that it ached.

“So, um, I added less liquor to yours just so you can taste it. If you like it, I can give you some more” He spoke, turning to delicately hand you the wine glass. The drink was the color of champagne.

You peered at the drink, “What’s in it?”

He tilt his head, thinking, “It’s a bit of gin, wine, and…some lemon juice. For the sweet flavour, I added a syrup to it. It’s dahlia…I think you’ll love that”

You stared at him as he explained it, “You’re kidding me”

You reached for the glass, but he immediately pulled it back before you could.

“Wait! I forgot something”

“What?” You laughed, “What else could possibly be missing? The tears of angels?”

He rolled his eyes, “Ha-ha”

You tried to grab it, “Just give it to me. I’m sure it’s fine”

He shook his head, pulling the drink away from your hold, “No, this is the last drink I’m making you. It has to be perfect”

“It’s also the first drink you’ve made me” You pointed out.

He laughed, holding up a finger, “Give me just one minute. I’ll be back”

He placed the glass back on the countertop, and slipped his shoes on.

“Wait, what?”

“I have to run to the garden for something” He told you over his shoulder.

“But there’s a storm out” You exclaimed, dumbly.

He pulled the hood up, looking back at you as he zipped it up fully, “I’ll be fine”

“Hyunjin, don’t go” You laughed, “I’m sure the drink is fine without it”

He shook his head, and he was already halfway out the door. As soon as he pushed open the wooden door, a gust of wind blew in, bringing with it tiny leaves and some rain. The thunder was so much louder now that the door was open, and Hyunjin ran out, shoes put on halfway, and it was so silly that he was doing all this for just a drink.

You waited with bated breath, but you couldn’t see out into the garden from here, so you had no idea what he was up to.

Minutes passed, and you waited in his kitchen, sat on the countertop.

“Holy shit. It’s fucking pouring!” He yelled, running back inside, and he was completely wet, from head to toe. He slipped off his shoes at the back entrance, walking to you barefoot.

“Oh my god” You mumbled, watching the water drip off him, “I told you it was a bad idea”

His fist was closed around something, and you wonder what he got from the garden.

He grabbed your wine glass, and dropped something in it, “You’ll change your mind after you try this”

He then smiled proudly, handing it to you.

Your eyes widened, as you peered into the glass.

A pretty flower floated on top of the gin, its pink petals wet from the liquid, giving the entire drink an illusion of a pastel paint.

“A flower?” You asked, giggling in disbelief.

“It’s edible” He explained, smiling still, “It’s perfect for you”

“Did you get one for yourself too?”

“Mmh” He nodded, showing you his. The flower floated on the top beautifully, dissolving partially into the liquid. Your drinks looked beautiful together, ethereal and completely fitting to who Hyunjin was as a person.

“Aren’t you cold?”

“I am” He admitted, and then looked just a tad regretful, “But I packed away all my spare clothes”

“Maybe you should’ve thought this all through” You giggled.

“To be fair, I wasn’t thinking” He shrugged, “It’s fine. It’ll dry out”

He reached behind his neck, peeling off his grey hoodie. The white t-shirt he wore inside rose up with the simple action, revealing his stomach in a glimpse. Like a teenage girl, your heart jumped at the little display of skin. He tossed the hoodie to the side, and stepped closer to you.

His hair looked darker when wet, almost a shade of black, sticking to his face and his cheeks. He puffed, pushing it back behind his ears. You noticed his pendant, stuck in the front of his shirt as he stepped closer to you.

You weren’t thinking as you reached forward, grabbing the thin silver chain around his neck and tugged it out, so it fell against his chest instead.

Hyunjin was frozen still at the action, darting down to see what you were doing and then looking back up at you.

Your hand was still on the chain, and every part of you wanted to pull him closer by it, so you could kiss him. Right now didn’t seem like a good time for that though. He was feeling all kinds of emotions and vulnerability …if he wanted to kiss you tonight, he would have.

The thought of letting Hyunjin go — without feeling his lips again — hurt you, but it was a reality you’d accept. You’d been all over the place with him recently, never having defined what it meant, or why you kept making out without talking about it.

Maybe it was just a summer fling for him, because he’d made it plenty clear you two could never be anything more.

You cleared your throat, dropping your hand, “Now, can we try the drink? I’m dying to taste it”

He nodded a yes, and you held your glasses up, clinking them against each other. The sound echoed in the empty house. As you did that, he looked right into your eyes, and you felt a familiar shiver run down your spine. You lift the glass up to your lips, tasting the liquid, and Hyunjin watched you as you did so. His eyes on you made you feel a little shy, but that was soon overpowered by how good the drink tasted.

It smelled, and tasted just like flowers and sweetness, and you let out a moan of satisfaction, “Fuck. That’s…revolutionary”

Hyunjin smiled, eyes crinkling, and only after that did he sip his drink. It tasted like a dark chocolate tart, and like flavourful berries grown on a farm.

“Have you ever considered…becoming a mixologist instead of an idol?”

He laughed, stepping close to the counter so that he lingered at your footsteps. If you opened your legs up just a bit, he could stand between your thighs but you weren’t sure it was appropriate. So, you stayed the way you were, sitting on the countertop, and Hyunjin stood as close as possible, his lower stomach grazing against your knees.

“Maybe when I retire” He joked, swirling the drink around in his glass.

“No, but this is seriously so good” You told him, genuinely now, “Is there anything that you can’t do?”

“Stop” His face turned red, and he looked embarrassed, “It’s just a drink. I didn’t do anything else”

“Well, nobody’s ever made me a Queen of Hearts before”

He glanced up at you, “They’re missing out on a great opportunity then”

“Mmh. I’m sure nobody’s dying to do that”

His smile fell, hand landing on your knee, “Don’t do that”

“Do what…?”

“Talk down about yourself”

You blinked. It really wasn’t your intention to do that. You were just being honest. Nobody you knew in your life, or in all of Daejon would ever make a drink like this for you. There wasn’t anything wrong with that, but it was just the truth.

So it was interesting that he interpreted it as such, as if your reply offended him.

“I wasn’t” You clarified, “I just meant…there’s not a lot of guys in Daejon with skill sets like yours”

The way you said it made you cringe, it came out sounding so professionally formal.

He looked up at you, sincere expression, “That’s…a compliment I’ve never got before”

You broke into a laugh, and absentmindedly put your hand over his, the one that rested on your knee. His hand dwarfed yours in comparison, but you drew circles over it as you talked, “Well, I have a gift and a burning desire for pleasing others or I’ll shrivel up and die”

Hyunjin laughed, squeezing your knee, and his hair was wet, but it was already beginning to dry up around his face.

“I like when you’re like that” He suddenly spoke, eyes focused on his drink, not you.

You took a sip of it too, watching him, “When I’m like what?”

“I don’t know” He looked up, “Confident. Funny. Yourself. Not…sad”

“You make it sound like I’m always depressed”

He shook his head, “You know what I mean”

“I don’t”

He sighed, as if wondering whether to say it or not.

You drew a star on his hand, the one that rest on your knee, “Tell me. It’s our last night together anyway”

It seemed like that was the push he needed, and he placed his glass to the side, “The past few weeks you haven’t seemed the most…happy. I know that you were having a lot of trouble with your friends, and with the art program application” He trailed off, looking guilty again, “And because of me…”

You stayed quiet, letting him continue.

“I guess it was just not a great time for you. But tonight, when I’m talking to you…it feels like those problems don’t exist in the moment. I know I have to leave tomorrow, and I know you were upset about that, and you have every right to be, but right now…it feels like you’re less burdened somehow”

You didn’t know he noticed so many things about you, and so your heart warmed at just that implication. Hearing him recount what you’d been going through, you also felt a little emotional.

He looked up at you, looking a little panicked, “Or I could be completely wrong. You can correct me”

“No” You refuted, “You’re not wrong. I do feel…less burdened. I guess I just never thought of it like that. For me, it just felt like each day was getting progressively worse. I didn’t look at it from any other perspective”

“Yeah… but things will work out for you, Y/N” He said so simply, “I know that sounds preach-y, but… it may feel like everything in your life is going wrong somehow, but I assure you it’s not. Every bad day you’ve recently had…all of that won’t matter soon enough, and so you have to know that this sadness isn’t forever”

You blinked, staring at him. Absentmindedly, his hand slid further up your leg, drifting from your knee to your thigh. You let it.

He pushed his stray hair back with his other hand, tucking the strands behind his ear, “And I know how much this art program meant to you, I’ve had my share of failed dreams before, so I know how gut-wrenching it is, but this isn’t the end of your art journey. You know that right?”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Well, it can’t be. You have a gift, and…I know that it’s not going to waste”

You smiled, cheeks full from his words, “You have a gift too, you know?”

He locked eyes with you, and he was blushing too, and his fingers rest at your upper thigh now, “Yeah? What’s that?”

“You have...such a good heart, Hyunjin”

His eyes widened, hanging on to your every word.

“You’re the kindest person I know. It doesn’t sound like much, but…I’ve not met many people like you, genuinely good people. I respect that…a lot. You deal with so much bullshit in your life, but you still find a way to be happy”

His eyes lit up, a gorgeous smile appearing on his face, “Isn’t that the point of everything? The endgame”

You laughed, “It is. It what we’re all working towards. I just wish everyone else could be like you”

He smiled at your words, and you would miss this so much. The kind of ideas that you could talk about for hours. He looked beautiful like this. He looked like the most beautiful thing in the world when he was happy. He was shy too, biting his upper lip, and his cheeks were all red.

So you continued, to make that emotion last as long as you could, “I’m serious. You have such a kind heart, Hyunjin. You put your soul into everything you do, even if that’s just talking to someone at the grocery store or something. I think if someone met you, even for just a day in their life, you’d impact them forever”

His eyes crinkled with each sentence, bashful smile appearing, “Thank you”

You took another sip, and you watched him.

He was finishing his drink faster than you, and you just wanted him to be closer.

So, you lift your legs up, folding them on the counter, sitting cross-legged while facing him. His eyebrow shot up, for just a second, before he realised why you did that. He stepped closer, till his body was pressed to the counter, and his face was inches apart from you.

He lift his glass up, indulging in the last drink, but his eyes stayed on you, and his hand was on your thigh again.

“Thank you for the drink and… for the pep talk. I really enjoyed that” You told him.

He placed his empty glass next to you, a sincere look in his eyes, “That’s what I’m here for”

You couldn’t stop yourself from smiling, and you felt like your cheekbones would hurt.

“Everybody deserves to have someone like you in their lives, Hyunjin”

He was smiling too, cheeks full, eyes twinkling, “You too, Y/N”

You went to sip your drink, but it was already empty and you stared at the glass in your lap, “I finished it”

Hyunjin stared at your lap too, and the petals in the glass balanced in the space between your legs, “Do you want another?”

“Another drink?” You looked up at him.

He nodded, and his cheeks were so flushed, so he was already a little tipsy, “We can make a stronger one”

“You have a train to catch in the morning. Is that a good idea?”

“I’ll be fine” He reassured you, “This night is more important to me than that”

You clutched the counter on both sides, and nodded, “Okay. Another drink sounds good to me then”

He nodded, eyes half-lidded, “Can I have your glass?”

You hummed, “Yeah” but you made no effort to give it to him.

So, his eyes flickered from yours, to the glass between your legs.

Carefully, he reached for it, trying to grasp the thin stem. You didn’t move an inch, holding your breath.

His fingers brushed against your inner thighs, and he stilled. But he didn’t say anything.

He went straight for it, and grabbed the wine glass, so near to where you needed him the most.

Careful, he lifted it up from between your legs, and then finally you could breathe again. He walked over to the cabinet, “What kind of drink do you want this time?”

“I’ll trust your judgement”

He busied himself yet again, explaining what he was making, using up all the leftover gin he had. You watched him as he worked. The t-shirt was fitted, and it was a little wet from the rain, sticking to his body tightly. That must be uncomfortable.

As he moved about, pouring the gin into your glasses, you focused on how his back muscles flexed and relaxed. He was so good with his hands, as he worked swiftly and quickly.

Your head was already beginning to spin.

“You have anything to eat?” You asked.

He looked back at you, “Are you dizzy?”

“Just a bit” You reassured him with a smile, “I am hungry though”

He turned, hands on his hips, and you found it hard to focus on his face. The t-shirt was basically see-through at this point, sticking to every ridge and muscle in his body, clinging to him.

“I might have some chocolate, but I don’t remember if I packed it in my suitcase already”

“You know what, don’t worry about it” You waved it off with your hand, “I’ll be fine”

He looked worried, “You sure?”

“Mmh-mh”

“And you’re okay to have another drink? We don’t need to”

“No, we won’t get to do this again, so yes I’m okay”

This was your last night, your brain kept screaming at you, again and again.

He turned to finish garnishing the drink. His hair was still long enough to brush his shoulders, and it stuck to the back of his neck, and the shade of brown really suited him. You wanted to run your hands through it, feel the wet hair between your fingertips, scratch it with your nails.

His girlfriend…she must have had the honour to do that, whenever she wanted.

Unlike you. You always had to wait for moments.

Moments like the one in the Photobooth. Or under the fireflies.

The special moments you lived for.

You couldn’t just casually walk up to him, and kiss him.

You were a little tipsy, so you didn’t think twice, “Can I ask you about her?”

He paused, and asked you, “Her?”

“The pop star you dated”

Understanding sank into his shoulders, and he handed you the glasses. The second round of drinks were ready. Standing opposite you, he crossed one arm over his stomach, drinking with the other hand.

“You don’t have to, if you don’t feel comfortable” You added, watching him carefully.

He didn’t seem uncomfortable.

He tipped his head back, drinking, and then looked at you, “You really want to know?”

“Yeah” You gripped the counter, and your drink lay to the side, untouched.

You added, “I mean she’s your ex, and…we’re friends. Friends talk about that kind of stuff”

He nodded, slightly, “They do”

You were relieved, never wanting to make him uncomfortable, but you were burning with curiosity.

“What do you want to know?” He tilt his head.

“How did you meet her?”

He suddenly relaxed, as if he’d been expecting you to ask much harder questions, “Oh, uh. She was training at the same company I was. On a different floor, of course. She was one of the top trainees of her year, and…we would practice at the same time, overnight. I bumped into her a few times then”

“Oh. Sounds like she worked really hard”

Hyunjin nodded, “I mean, we had no choice, but yeah…she was one of the few who really pushed herself. Some days it felt impossible to debut, so you really only made it if you worked your ass off, you know?” He then paused, as if wondering whether to say the next thing or not, but he did it anyway, “That’s what I liked the most about her”

Your gut clenched, but your curiosity overshadowed the jealousy that was eating you up.

“So…did you ask her out? Or did she?”

He took another sip of his drink, glancing briefly to the floor and then up at you, “Yeah. I had a stupid teenage crush on her”

The words were enough to make you finally pick up your drink, and perhaps you needed to be inebriated before listening to this.

A fucking crush. She must have been the luckiest girl in the world to be crushed on by Hwang Hyunjin. You wondered what she looked like, but maybe it was better not to know. She was a star, she was probably perfect.

If he ever told you he had a crush on you, you’d probably pass out.

“Was that allowed…? To date another trainee?”

Hyunjin then laughed, shaking his head, “Um, not at all. It was forbidden”

Oh.

It was forbidden, but he did it anyway.

“You must have liked her a lot”

He hummed, swirling the liquid in his glass, “I was a stupid kid. I wasn’t thinking”

“So you regret it?”

He shook his head, “No. I needed the experience”

“Of dating?”

“That, but also…a month or so after we started going out, one of her friends was asked to leave the company because she was caught up in a scandal. A dating one. That made me realise that I was risking my entire life, and my dream, for…a girl”

“How’d you do it?”

“Do what?” He seemed confused.

Your body was alight with all of this information.

“Keep it a secret for that long”

He smiled a bit at the memory, “Um. We found ways. We’d meet after dinner, and during late-night practices. Sometimes really early in the morning”

You think you would die.

“Did you fuck?”

Hyunjin’s eyes shot up to yours, wide, surprised.

You don’t know what the hell possessed you to say that, but you didn’t budge, indicating to him that it was okay to answer.

He slowly nodded, tongue poking his cheek, “Yeah. We did”

You were dying.

But for some godforsaken reason, you needed to know the details. As if the thoughts of his secret dating days was arousing to you.

“Tell me more”

He til his head, words at the tip of his tongue. He wanted to ask you if you really wanted to know, or why you were so curious, but he didn’t ask.

You wouldn’t have asked if you weren’t prepared to hear the answer.

Hyunjin was staring at you, assessing every little detail of your facial expression, and you wanted to seem confident. You weren’t some kid.

You could hear about him having sex, and not freak out.

Thoughts of him fucking some pop star should kill you, but it didn’t. Your core was tight, with anticipation, with imagination. You pressed your thighs together, waiting for him to talk.

“Um…” He paused, to take another sip. Perhaps he needed some liquid courage too sometimes, “It was never…we never had too much time on our hands. It was always quick. Rushed, but I think that’s where half of the thrill of it was. The fear of being caught anytime. If we weren’t quick, we wouldn’t have been able to…”

Your heart was pounding.

Images flashing in your head.

He looked into your eyes, and you just nodded, for him to continue. If he looked at your hands, he would see your knuckles were white from gripping the counter too hard.

“It was hot” He spoke, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed, “The secrecy. The…shared glances. Nobody but us knew what went on. During group sessions, we would watch each other…in the practice room. Working out. Dancing”

“And?”

It wasn’t enough.

His eyes had a peculiar expression, like he couldn’t understand why you wanted to know all this stuff, but he told you anyway, “And…on bad days, when she was frustrated or upset, I’d…be there for her. In the way that she wanted”

You took a large sip of your drink, the alcohol sour in your mouth, and your head was beginning to spin. In a good way. You were wet too.

You didn’t think you could ever feel this way.

You were dizzy with want, and with desire, and his name escaped your lips in what was almost a complaint, “Hyunjin…”

“Yeah?” He was immediate to step closer, keeping his glass aside. He put his hands on either side of you, caging you in place, and his voice dropped so low, “Are you gonna tell me why you wanted to know that?”

“I don’t know” You mumbled, “I don’t understand it myself”

He leaned in, watching you, “You’ve had a lot to drink”

“I’m fine”

His voice softened, and he grabbed the glass from you, “I know, but…let’s not drink anymore, okay?”

“Why?” You whined, “It’s your last night”

He out a soft laugh, “It’s not like I’m dying or anything. I’ll only be a few hours away from you”

“A few hours is a lot. I don’t want you to be even a few minutes away” You complained.

He smiled, adoration in his eyes, “So, what do you want then? To stay with me all the time?”

You nodded, eyes closing, “That sounds fair”

He laughed, loudly, “Is it really? What about my job? Is it fair for me to leave all of that?”

“What about me?” You opened your eyes to look at him.

He was so close, just inches away. His wispy bangs stuck to his forehead, grazing his eyebrows. His eyes were full of amusement, they were so brown, and so big.

His lips were thick, tinted with the colors of the drink, and even little accidents like that made him look perfect, like he was sculpted by a great artist. You could admire him for hours.

He tilt his head, “What about you?”

You pursed your lips, feeling sad all of a sudden, “Are you gonna forget all about me?”

His smiled, hand tracing your cheek, “You really think so?”

“Your whole life is waiting for you back there”

He nodded, “It is…”

“You have so much to look forward to” You told him. So much more than what this life here in this little small-town could give him.

He spoke, “Maybe that’s why I’m not sad. I guess because Seoul has always been my home”

Your heart felt heavy at his confession but you understood him, “Hyun…”

“I know. It sounds horrible. I was born here, and this is where my parents used to live before we moved, and this town should mean so much more to me. I feel like I’m betraying…that”

“You’re not betraying anyone, Hyun. You may not feel this town anymore but Daejon will still always be here for you. If you ever need it”

He glanced at you, eyes wide.

“And I will be too” You continued, “If you ever need me”

His mouth parted as he whispered, “Thank you”

You swallowed, staring at his lips, “What do we do now?”

His eyes flickered over you, and he was quiet.

Your heart was racing a mile a minute, and your mind too.

“I don’t know” He finally spoke.

Your heart carried a sense of unfulfilment.

There was more that should happen.

You could talk to each other for hours, and it was endless. Unfortunately, time was linear.

It was finite, and yours with him was coming to an end.

You’d been here for hours, yet it didn’t feel like that.

Hyunjin was staring at you, half-lidded eyes, and empty promises swirled within them.

You swallowed your sadness, trying to find words, “Your manager, he’s going to be coming here soon, right?”

“Yeah. His train will arrive…any time now” He glanced at his phone, “He’s almost here…”

“I should go before he arrives”

Hyunjin nodded, stepping back, “Yeah. He…he can’t see you here”

You jumped off the counter, suddenly unsure what to do or say. This was it.

He was going to be gone soon.

You stared at each other, at a loss for words. You couldn’t even cry. You just felt a certain numbness. The numbness he talked about. Maybe it was the gin.

You also felt like you were in denial, like he would return soon and you’d see him tomorrow morning.

But the last time he left…he didn’t return for years.

Why would now be any different?

“I don’t know what to say” You mumbled, stupidly. There was nothing wrong with being honest.

He was leaving, and you couldn’t breathe. The air in your body wasn’t enough, and you were panicking because you didn’t know what to fucking say. Why had nobody prepared you for goodbyes like this?

In the movies, they were so dramatic, but real life wasn’t like that.

In the books, they were so romantic, but there was no time for love in his life.

Hyunjin’s expression softened, “You don’t have to say anything. I don’t want you to be sad. We’re going to meet again, and we’ll see each other soon”

You nodded, air returning to your lungs, “Right. You’re completely right, Hyunjin”

There was no need to freak out. He wasn’t dying, or anything.

You didn’t want this to be some big deal. You weren’t going to cry, or make a scene.

“It’s only for a little while” He shot you a smile.

“Yeah” Your palms were sweaty, and you wiped them on your jeans. You stared at the kitchen counter, and your wine glasses lay empty. You wish you’d asked for another drink. You wish tonight didn’t have to end. You wish time wasn’t linear, and you could go back.

Fuck. If you could change things, you would have gone back just an hour tonight, and you would have told him you were in love with him.

But it was too late now.

He was just your friend, and he would stay in touch with you, like friends did. It wasn’t any different than what Yeonjun did when he left, or even Seonghwa.

“I should go” You stated, with finality.

Hyunjin nodded, then stepped forward, closing the distance between you until he stood an arm's length away.

“Thank you for coming over” He mentioned, “I wouldn’t have been able to sleep tonight anyway”

“Of course. That’s…what friends are for” You smiled up at him.

He suddenly seemed awkward, hands at his side like he didn’t know what to do, “Can I hug you?”

Why was this so strange?

Why were neither of prepared for this?

You’d never said goodbye to a boy you loved, so you didn’t know how it worked.

You wish there was a manual for this. But even every tutorial in the world couldn’t prepare you for the look in his eyes.

You got up on your toes, pulling him into an embrace, and he immediately hugged you back. His strong arms wrapped around your body, squeezing you in his grip.

You could smell the rain on him, a faint hint of his cologne, his shampoo. You’d want to bottle up his scent, and keep it with you forever. The air smelt like the ground after it rained, and like an unrequited love.

You tried to memorise the shape of his arms on you, and the sound of his heart beat.

Hyunjin let go of you, far too quickly, but it was what you needed, or you’d never leave.

You were in a state of fugue, indulging in actions, but not thinking, not feeling.

You found yourself at the front door, and you don’t remember how you got here. You looked back at him, “Text me when you get to the city, okay?”

He nodded, “I will. Don’t worry, okay?”

All your words seem stuck in you. They can’t seem to make it past your chest.

Maybe a part of you thought there’d be some grand declaration of love by now, but this was real life and those things never happened.

You turned to leave.

“Wait—” He suddenly spoke.

“What?” You asked, anticipation swelling within you.

His wait held so many promises. So much hope.

Wait, I’m in love with you too.

Wait, I’m fucking stupid for leaving you all alone in this town.

Wait, please don’t leave me without kissing me goodbye.

He retreated to the kitchen counter, “Wait — your sketchbook. Don’t forget to take that”

“Oh. Of course” You grabbed it from him, fingers brushing against his.

“Take care of yourself” He spoke, and it was so forced. It was the right thing to say, obviously. It’s what you told people when you wouldn’t see them again for a while.

But it felt wrong, like you were both forcing yourselves to follow traditions, and patterns, but those never worked on the two of you.

You pushed open the door, and a gust of wind blew in. The storm had passed now, so you could get home safely, by yourself, all alone.

Looking over your shoulder as you walked out, you felt nothing. He smiled at you, but it didn’t reach his eyes. His heart wasn’t in it.

You were drained out, and all of your emotions were spent.

You held the sketchbook to your chest, focusing on the sound of your footsteps on the wet pavement, and not on Hyunjin’s house behind you.

You heard the door close behind you, and you squeezed the sketchbook a little harder, willing yourself to walk as fast as you could.

It felt like it would be the most emotionally draining moment of your life, but you felt so numb too.

You passed his front porch and bedroom window, and you remembered the first time you’d come over. How he’d shown you all of his art, and his painting. You’d been surprised to know how wonderfully his mind worked.

Even back then, he’d asked if he could hug you. Always so…fucking nice.

You were already forgetting the feel of his arms around you.

You stopped in your tracks, and you shouldn’t.

You turned around.

His house was beautiful, like him.

Tomorrow, it would be empty.

Right now, it was so full of him, of his love, and of everything that made him him.

Your body took on a mind of its own, and you were walking.

You were walking back to his place. It was stupid.

What the hell were you doing?

You had no plan or idea of what you’d say when you got there, but that couldn’t have been your goodbye.

You needed to see him one more time. Just another minute.

You raised your hand in a fist to knock on his door, but before you could, the door flew open.

He stood there, staring at you, eyes wide.

His hair was messy like he’d run his hand through it a million times since you walked away, but that was only twenty fucking seconds ago.

“Y/N…” He spoke, breathing heavy as his eyes flickered all over you, and the fact that you’d come back.

“What… what were you doing?” You had the audacity to ask him when you didn’t even know what the fuck you were doing.

He was breathing so heavy, chest moving rapidly up and down, “I don’t really know. I was coming after you”

Realisation sank in.

You’d come back to see him again, and in the same breath he was coming after you.

The world was really so cruel.

How could two people be so perfect for each other but be destined to be apart?

You couldn’t say anything, except his name, “Hyun—”

And in the same breath, his lips collided with yours, so hard and fast.

The impact was so powerful you stumbled back, but his arm was tightly wrapped around you, holding you up.

It was tight around your waist, gripping you, and he was devouring you, lips moving against yours like they never should be apart.

You were running out of time.

You kissed him back, hands coming up to his arms, gripping his biceps tight, fingernails digging in.

Time was running and it was slipping away every second that the Earth was turning, but his grip on you was so strong that even a planet couldn’t come between you.

You stood at his doorway, on the threshold, halfway in, halfway out.

He’d never kissed you like this.

His hand slipped into your hair, gripping onto it so tightly it almost hurt, tilting your head back and back as he towered over you. He kept kissing you, pressing pecks against your lips, bruising them.

Your hands drifted into the front of his shirt, and you gripped it in your fists, holding onto him for life.

“Fuck—” He mumbled, in a breath between pecks. Fuck, you’re actually fucking doing this again.

Your body was heating up, and he stopped to let you breathe, moving his mouth over your jawline and leaving kisses to your ear. You were putty in his hands, and he tilt his head the other way, pecking every inch of un-kissed skin.

“You came back” He breathed, pupils dilated as he looked right at you, and both his hands came to hold your face.

“I couldn’t go” You were panting, trying to get the air back in.

“I’m gonna miss you so fucking much” His lips trailed over yours again, tracing your mouth to memory.

“I know, I know” You nodded, realising that you were both tasting your tears. You didn’t even know you had tears.

The door was wide open and it was stupid to do this now, but it was everything. The wind prickled goosebumps up your arms, and legs, and you both kissed each other goodbye.

“Can I just say something?” He asked, breathing heavy.

“There’s no time” You told him, kissing him again, and again.

He laughed slightly, “I’ll be quick”

You pulled away, “Tell me”

He was speaking quickly, trying to get all the words out in one breath, “I know we’ve said it a million times. I know we’re supposed to just be friends, and I know nothing can happen, but…I have no self-control around you. I’m so fucking sorry”

It didn’t make you sad. You’d heard it before, and you embraced it.

“Don’t apologise” You mumbled, and your hands drifted around his waist, feeling him up.

Was it possible to want somebody so bad, knowing it would lead to absolutely nothing?

He swallowed, “I know we have to just be friends…but I’m so fucking attracted to you. Like an absolutely insane amount. It’s impossible for me to pretend I’m not into you”

Each word he said just made you wet, and you kissed him instead of answering.

There was no time, because when were things ever easy for you?

You felt him up, all you could, hands drifting to his ass, and to the front of his pants, squeezing him through his sweatpants.

He left kisses on your jaw, and he felt you up too. His hand squeezed your ass, the other going up the front of your shirt. His fingers grazed your bra, and he pulled you even closer to him.

“Can I take you inside?” He whispered, ”Please, please, please”

“Hyunjin, I don’t wanna be interrupted” You breathed, because that’s what always happened.

“Me neither” He mumbled into your neck, breathing in your scent, “We won’t… go there. We won’t sleep together”

You pulled back to look him in the eyes, because it sounded impossible right now, “Would we be able to stop before that?”

He nodded, “If you can’t, I’ll stop us. Don’t worry”

How could you say no?

So he took your hand, fingers intertwining with yours, as you found yourselves back in his bedroom. Everything was put away, and his room was empty, but you sat on the bed and didn’t break the kiss for a second.

You didn’t have the luxury to go further, but you could just kiss. So you did just that.

He didn’t pull you into his lap, because you wouldn’t be able to control yourself if he did.

Instead, you sat cross-legged, facing each other, mouths meeting in the middle like two teenagers dared to kiss at a party.

He kept his hand in your hair, the other on your waist, and it was so innocent it was sweet. Your hands rested on his thighs, squeezing the skin through his sweats.

You didn’t know much time you had left, until he had to leave, until you were interrupted. You hope his manager never showed up.

You continued to feel him up, memorising every ridge and muscle of his body, and he let out soft moans every time you touched him somewhere new.

“I’m so glad you came back” He mumbled, “I wanted you so much”

“Why didn’t you ask me?” You almost whined, kissing his jawline, “I wanted you too”

Things got more heated, and in a matter of seconds, he was pulling you closer to him. Your knees skidded across the mattress, as Hyunjin pulled you to him.

Nothing was supposed to happen, but somehow, you were fiddling with the knot of his sweatpants, and he had unbuttoned your jeans, pulling the button out of its loop.

You were dizzy with desire, and his hand slipped inside your jeans, at the same time that yours did into his sweatpants. Now you really did feel like teenagers — making out with your hands down each other’s pants.

It was hard for him because the waistband of your jeans were so tight, and he seemed frustrated. If you’d known this was going to happen, you’d have worn a dress, or maybe nothing at all, so nothing could stop him from touching you.

His fingers brushed against your underwear, and you were so fucking wet it was ridiculous. You bit back a moan, he’d barely touched you but you were burning.

Everything was spinning, and you were so high off off him. His fingers pushed your panties to the side, your arousal making it harder for him to do.

“Fuck…you’re really wet” He mumbled, and his fingers touched your core. You let out a moan at the feeling.

This was the first time he’d touched you like this, and you couldn’t focus on anything. Your hand in his pants stilled, as his fingers started to brush languid circles across your clit.

Your head fell forward, against his forehead, and he didn’t even seem to mind that you’d stopped touching his cock. He was too focused on you.

“Shh…I got you” He breathed, kissing your jaw, as he pressed his fingers against you, truly feeling how much you wanted him. You couldn’t describe the way he touched you, as if he was caressing you, fingers brushing against your folds so delicately. Nobody had ever touched you like this.

Your mouth parted, allowing Hyunjin to slip his tongue in, and his anxiety manifested in how intensely he kissed you, like he was running out of time, like this was the last time. You let him take control, as he controlled the pace of it, making out with you. Yet, making out seemed too crude a word for what he was doing. He was savouring every kiss - no half-kisses, no pecks - mouth crushed to yours like he wanted to devour you and you’d let him.

You’d been turned on since hours. You needed more. You gripped onto his bicep tightly, your other hand buried down his pants, hoping he would get the hint. His fingers prodded at your entrance, feeling you.

“Will you let me?” He asked, voice so innocent. You’d never said yes so fast before in your life.

Your lips grazed his ear, and then his cheek, “Please, Hyun”

He pulled back to look at you, “Are you sure?”

“Please”

“Stop me if it hurts, okay?” He kissed under your ear, and then in one swift move, he pushed a finger inside you. You stopped breathing the deeper he got, and you looked at him, mouth parted.

It didn’t hurt. He could never hurt you.

“You’re so gorgeous” He mumbled, and then he pulled his finger back, before pushing it back in. An embarrassing moan escaped you, and he smiled at your reaction.

“You like it when I do that?” He asked, and he was out of breath, just like you. He began thrusting out, and then back in, slow, lazy strokes, like he was still getting a feel for it, familiarising himself with your reactions and your body. But there was no time for slow, or careful.

“Holy shit” You mumbled, feeling like you’d pass out, “You can —You can go deeper, and faster too...please”

You had to make him feel good too. So you went back to work, wrapping your hand entirely around his cock. It was a different kind of feeling, to be doing this with all of your clothes still on. There was a small stain at the front of his sweatpants, and he was leaking already. The sight made you dizzy and crazy.

You brushed your thumb against his tip. He let out a moan, eyes fluttering shut, “Fuck. If you do that, I can’t focus on you”

He then thrust another finger deep inside you, stretching you open, as if in retaliation.

Your mouth fell open in a moan, eyes squeezing shut, but you didn’t stop moving your hand over his cock, “But— but you’re distracting me”

You were both a mess of whimpers and moans, and he kept fingering you open, stretching you out. You’re sure his hand was dripping with your arousal, just like yours was covered in his pre-cum.

Hyunjin became impatient, bucking his hips for more friction, and you increased your pace too. He whimpered, back arching, and cursed loudly, fucking himself into your hand. His hair was wet with sweat, sticking to his forehead, to his neck.

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful” You told him, pressing your mouth to his.

He fingered you harder.

Your vision was a blur, and all you could focus on was moving your hand over his length. Something about making him moan, while his fingers were buried inside you, was so fucking hot. He was too big in your hands, and you wanted him so bad. But you’d made an agreement, and you couldn’t fuck, no matter how tempting it was.

Time ticked so fast, slipping from within you.

“Are you close?” He whispered into your ear, finger fucking you slowly. It was far too much to handle. You squirmed in his grip, “Yeah. Go faster, please”

He nodded, pressing a kiss to your lips and then increased his pace. You could hear how turned on you were, the wet sounds echoing through his room.

“It’d be easier without the jeans” He mumbled, fucking you open with just his fingers, frustrated at how the waistband restricted his movements.

“Are you close too?”

He hummed, “I’m so close. I could cum probably just from touching you”

His words shot another wave of arousal through you, and your core tightened around him, impossibly.

“Fuck — you just…got so tight. Did you like that?” He asked you.

You nodded, no coherent thought in your head.

“Shit, come here” He said, and he pulled your hand out of his sweatpants. You whined at the loss of contact, but he pulled you into his lap instead. His arm came around to hold you up, and you were sat right on his crotch.

“What about—” You went to ask, but he shut you up with a kiss.

His hand slipped back inside your jeans, and he slid your panties to the side again, “Let me”

You nodded, putting your hands around his neck.

He was so hard under you, and experimentally he thrust up, the friction of you on him so much, and he breathed, “Shit. That feels...amazing”

Everything was spinning, except him, “Don’t stop”

“Remember what I told you?” He mumbled, hand gripping your hip, and you nodded.

He’d taught you how to make him feel good, back when you were still in the Photobooth. So, you dragged yourself over his crotch, slowly. It was harder to do when his fingers were still inside you, but every little movement felt amplified.

You didn’t care about anything but him, you didn’t need this to be slow, you didn’t need it to be careful. You just needed him, and that was perfect.

His head fell back, and you kissed messily, spit between your mouths. He was thrusting up into you, to the same pace that his fingers moved inside you. It seemed like that was really enough for him too. Every little contact drove you crazy, like it was your first time touching a boy, and his first time touching a girl. There was so much novelty in the way you two moved against each other, and no finesse. Everything was rushed, every kiss messy, each feeling intensified.

You caressed the sides of his face, “I want you to fuck me, please”

His eyes widened, but he thrust up so hard at those words, “Y/N, we can’t”

“Please, just the...just the tip”

He kissed you, “I want to, so badly, but --”

“But what?”

He looked genuinely sorry, breaking away from the kiss, “I don’t have a...condom. I'm sorry”

Oh, the irony. You wanted to scream with agony, because you don’t think you’d ever wanted someone this bad before.

“I’m so sorry” He mumbled, kissing you again, but then his voice turned darker, “My fingers aren’t enough for you?”

You clenched, “No. No- they are”

He thrust both fingers in with so much pressure, stretching you open, “Is that better?”

You pressed your lips to his, wanting to kiss him through your orgasm, because your stomach was tightening and you were so close. Hyunjin deepened the kiss, pushing his tongue into your mouth, and he was suddenly so rough and intense but you absolutely loved that.

He was breathing heavy, eyes half-lidded and consumed with lust, just like you. His lips were so puffy, and swollen, thick and full, and so pink, and he was fingering you so perfectly. Your core tightened, and you pressed your mouth to his again, to let him kiss you because you felt so out of control.

“Wait— wait, I wanna look at you” He breathed, pushing both fingers in so deep, curling them just right. All it took was to look at him for you to completely let go.

Stars dotted your vision, and you whimpered, your entire body trembling.

“Hyun—” You buried your face in his neck, a white hot flash overtaking you, travelling from your core to your heart, to your head.

He was still grinding against you, faster now, lips hovering over yours, chasing a high you’d both been denied for far too long. And just seconds after, he let out a long drawn out moan, hips twitching up into you, eyes squeezed shut as he cursed, “Fuck”

For a few minutes, there was nothing but the sounds of your breaths.

He was breathing deeply, and his hair was drenched, sweat dripping down his face, and neck and chest.

He opened his eyes. You wanted to cuddle up in his arms and go to sleep. From the look on his face, he wanted the same. You stared at each others state, and slowly he pulled his hand out of your jeans. Sweat trickled down his chin. It sparkled like glitter. You traced his jawline with your hands, soaking up the sweat into your skin.

You didn’t say anything, but he wrapped his arms tighter around your body. You gripped the front of his shirt, squeezing it in your grip. His heart was beating so fast.

“You okay?” He asked you, his voice so gentle.

You hummed, and you felt drained, but you felt exhilarated too.

His hand rubbed your back, soothing you.

You tilt your head at him, “You?”

A smile pulled at his lips, “Yeah. I’m okay”

You traced his pecs through the shirt, not wanting him to leave. It was criminal for this feeling to end, and for this pleasure to not be yours everyday. Nothing had ever felt this good, and even in your post-coital haze, you wanted him more.

So you blurted, “What if I did it anyway?”

“Did what?”

“What if…I moved to Seoul anyway? Maybe I could go there first…and look for a job later. I know it’s crazy and impulsive but I’ve always wanted to live there and—”

You trailed off, at his expression.

“Do you think it’s a stupid idea or something?” You chewed on your lower lip.

Hyunjin’s eyes followed that movement, and his thumb traced your mouth, “No …it’s not stupid at all. It’s what you’ve wanted for a few years, right?”

“It sounds crazy and impulsive…because I don’t even have a plan of what I’ll do, but maybe...that doesn’t matter”

Before he could speak up, his phone buzzed against the nightstand.

He glanced at it, and then to you.

Just at that minute, you heard the cab pull up. Hyunjin sighed, closing his eyes, and you got off his lap. He peeked through the blinds, “Fuck. He’s here”

“I should leave” You stood, gathering your things. There was no time to ask for his opinion anymore. Maybe he didn’t want to tell you it was a batshit insane idea.

“Hold on” He handed you his sweatshirt, the one that had dried by now, “It’s a cold walk out. You sure you’ll make it home safe?”

“Don’t worry about me” You told him, squeezing his sweatshirt in your hands, feeling silly for blurting out such a spontaneously dumb idea that made it very obvious how much you loved him.

A car door opened outside, and his manager must have stepped out. It was almost four in the morning. You were going to be leaving through the back.

His manager couldn’t see you here.

You’d already said your goodbyes, in the only way you knew how to.

You stepped out onto the patio, but Hyunjin grabbed your arm, urgency in his tone, “You should do it, Y/N”

You turned, confused, “Do what?”

The doorbell rang.

Hyunjin spoke quickly, “What you were just talking about. Even if you didn’t get into the program you wanted, you should move there. To Seoul”

Your eyes widened, tears filling up suddenly, and you quickly pulled him into another hug, and he stumbled into your embrace, “Thank you for saying that. I think it’d feel less scary with you there”

His lips brushed against your ear, “It’s the least I can do. Being here was less scary for me, only because of you”

He kissed you a rushed goodbye, but for the first time that night, your heart didn’t hurt anymore.

»»————-

Your morning passed in a daze.

Time wasn’t real, as you lay on your bed, counting down the seconds until his train. Minutes stretched into hours into seconds, and you must have been more tired than you thought, because you woke up to drool on your pillow.

The sun told you it was the afternoon.

You’d fallen asleep in the clothes you wore to the drive-in theater. Your underwear was still wet, and reminded you of him. You were smiling to yourself like a crazy person, as you dressed yourself for work, and you put his sweatshirt on. It smelled just like him, and as you walked to work, the grass and the birds and the houses all remind you of him.

Was it possible to fall even more in love with someone?

You were distracted, often drifting into thoughts of his moans, of the sensation of his hand in your pants, but it was frustrating because the man of your affections was moving miles away from you by the minute.

Hyunjin’s first text came at a precarious time.

You had been packing a pink acrylic canister for a customer, and the pings of your phone were so distinctive, you instantly knew it was him. It had to be Hyunjin, he must have already reached home, and you had to hold back an urge to text him back.

The phone buzzed incessantly against the glass countertop, and the lady in front of you raised an eyebrow.

“Sorry” You apologised for the ringing, “I forgot to put it on silent”

She didn’t really seem to care, “Can I try a paint swatch of the pink before you pack it up?”

“Of course” You unscrewed the cap, dipping a stray paintbrush into it, so you could show her how it showed up on paper, “Is that good?”

“Um, do you have a brighter one perhaps? I don’t think my daughter needs this one”

You nodded, glancing behind her, “I think it’s in the third aisle”

A few more pings from your phone caught your attention.

It startled you, making you squeeze the bottle in your hands, and pink paint dripped onto your fingers and the countertop.

“Shit” You mumbled, wiping it clean with a tissue.

The customer was still busy browsing the aisles, and Mrs. Aera would be less than pleased to see you using your phone on your job, but…

It was just for a minute.

hyun

heyy

shit im sorry i couldn’t call earlier

It’s been crazy

but i just got to my dorm

i just wanted to let you know i made it

and i was planning to paint in the train journey over, but i totally passed out lol

you

hey :)

I was just thinking of you

im so glad youre home safe <3

that sounds like something i would do ngl

keep me updated!

tell me everything in detail later please im dying

hyun

sent a photo

can you tell they missed me a lot

It was a picture of him at a stairwell, surrounded by three boys you’d come to recognise as Chan, Changbin and Jisung. They were smiling wide, teeth on display and Changbin was making a kissing face toward’s Hyunjin’s cheek, lips pouted and ready.

Jisung was pulling at Hyunjin’s other cheek, and Chan was laughing to the side, eyes closed in pretty crescents.

you

they’re adorable lmao

did changbin actually kiss u haha?

In the picture you literally look like a kid embarrassed by his parents

hyun

they won’t let go of me ever since im back

and yeah changbin even insisted on sleeping in my bed tonight..?

i had to reassure them im not going away anytime soon

but its sweet

what are you up to?

i hope you weren’t too tired for work

“This pink seems like a good shade, does it not?” The customer brought you back to reality, placing a canister on the counter, and her gaze fell to the stained countertop, “What happened to your hands?”

Your screen was now tainted with pink fingerprint stains, but you didn’t care, smiling at the texts you just received. Maybe things would be okay, even when he was gone.

»»————-

The first time he called you from the city, was when you were at the diner, and you almost fumbled your latte at the ringing.

Seonmi raised a questioning eyebrow as you pushed your coffee cup aside.

You picked up faster than lightning.

“Hi” You spoke, into your phone, sounding just a little out of breath.

“Hey” His voice sent shooting stars through your heart, igniting you with a newfound energy at only eight in the morning. It was hoarse, and smooth at the same time.

You’d only been texting each other the past few days, he’d been rightfully swept into the whirlwind of his life, and you’d been dying to know how he’d been. He’d given you little updates, about how it felt to move back in, to get back to his job, at how he was welcomed back by his fans so grandly.

You’d watched his return on the news — the number of people who were there to greet him at the train station was insane, and you’d felt so proud of him. He told you that they had to close a major exit of the station, just because the company hadn’t expected that many people to show up.

It was the first time you’d physically seen the impact he had, and it didn’t surprise you at all. People with pictures of him, banners, and slogans and signs in every language just to welcome him back from his hiatus.

He was so loved by so many people.

It’d be selfish to want to keep him just to yourself.

“Are you outside?”

“I was just grabbing coffee” You explained, pressing your phone to your ear to drown out the sounds of the diner.

“Man, I miss The Grove’s coffee”

You twirled the cup in your hands, smiling, “It misses you too”

“I thought I’d call you when I had time. I’m headed straight to the studio after this. Guess what? The stylists love what I did with my hair, apparently the blonde is an old trend now anyway, and now they want to capture this while it’s still fresh”

You laughed, “What? You mean the cheap haircut you gave yourself?”

He chuckled, “Mmh. Something about it is raw, and apparently perfect for my comeback”

You spun on your chair, “Well, they certainly know how to make the best of a situation”

“We’re recording till late tonight. With the new album, we’re on the clock almost all the time. We have just under two weeks to finish producing it”

“For the entire album? Is that enough?”

“It has to be” He said, “I don’t mind. It’s what I live for”

You bit your lip, anticipation coursing through you, “Can I hear it anytime soon?”

He grinned, “You’ll be the first one”

He kept his promise.

That night, he sent you a video.

It’s a snippet of him in the studio, and you keel at the thumbnail before you’ve even opened it. His hair was messy, like he’s straight out of bed before recording, and bulky headphones sat around his neck.

You hear someone counting down in the background, and you wonder if that’s Chan, his producers, or someone else to help with the process. The instrumental is muted, so it’s just Hyunjin singing the backing vocals.

Eyes squeezed shut, he’s lost in the verse of the song. The cadence and tone of his voice so distinctly different from when he speaks. It’s sassy, and it’s harsh, and the cleanest rap you ever heard.

You stared in awe, earphones plugged in, sat behind the cash counter in your break, and then you watched it again, and again, until you’re called back to your shift.

You think about the video all the while you’re at the store, and you called him as soon as you’re out.

“You were so good, the verse has been stuck in my head for hours and you sound cocky as fuck, but it’s not an annoying cocky. How do you even do that?” You were belting out compliments for minutes now, and Hyunjin sat at the other end, accepting them with flushed cheeks. He was so shy right now, a stark contrast to his singing personality.

“Stop. You make me sound better than I am. You should…be telling me to get better” He complained.

You laughed, “You’re literally already perfect at it”

“When you visit me, I’ll get you access to the studio. You can watch me record it in real time” He suggested.

The thought excites you, and you imagine watching him from the couch, through the observation window.

You imagine him coming out of the booth to take a break, all sweaty and exhausted, and he would put an arm around you.

Perhaps you’re influenced by far too many 80s movies. Still, you imagine excessively making out with him in the recording studio until his assistants have to physically pull you off each other.

Yeah, considering the industry he’s in, that could never happen.

Over the next few days, he also sends you videos from the dance studio, and all of your feelings for him build on top of each other, like a Jenga tower destined to fall. Every day that passes, a new block is added, and you don’t know how lucky you had to be to bump into him in your life.

He dances just like he kisses, with purpose and intensity, a certain romance behind his moves, and you become guilty of obsessively rewatching the clips he sends you, finding new details every time.

He wears simple sweatpants to the studio, and he ties his hair up into a bun, and all you want is to be there to kiss his sweat away, and reward him after his long days of work.

It feels silly to fantasize about caring for him, like you’re a seventies housewife, but you can’t help it. You want to massage the knots from his back, brush the tangles out of his hair, and kiss him between every dance practice.

You realise how much he’s taken over your life and thoughts, even when he’s miles away. You don’t tell him all of this, but some days you can’t help but blurt your thoughts out.

“You’re messing with me every time you send me another video” You complain to him, “How do you contain all of that talent in a singular body?”

He laughs, but he doesn’t stop. He sends you selfies of him every day from the practice room, and he’s always glistening with sweat in them, throwing up a cheesy peace sign, and it’s your new favourite picture, until he sends you another the very next day.

You sit on your bedroom floor, fiddling with the strings of your hoodie as you talk to him, “What’s your schedule like right now?”

He’s at the headquarters of a high-end international magazine, in the waiting room as he talks to you. You can’t help but feel special that he takes out this time for you, “Well, I stay in the recording studio till late, and when I’m home…I’m trying to paint as much as I can before passing the fuck out. I just started a few days ago but it helps me destress. It gives me time to think about what happened in my day. It’s so…cathartic”

You smiled, so glad he found time to paint again, “Are you cheating on Aera’s with that art shop in Hongdae?”

He laughed, “Yeah. The cashier’s pretty cute here too”

You roll your eyes, “Funny…I hope you’re still making time to eat”

“Yeah, Jisung is my self-appointed manager for the moment. They’re smothering me with love”

“What, he cooks for you?”

“God no, he’d burn the dorm down. He just gets me my favourite takeout. Man, I missed takeout so much I didn’t even realise. There’s a Thai place down the street, and I’m basically surviving on it”

You rolled your eyes, “Yeah, Daejon isn’t boujee enough for a Thai restaurant”

He giggled, “I miss the hilltop bakery, although Chan introduced me to this cake shop. It opened just a month ago, it’s some European franchise but fuck if it isn’t the best pastries I’ve had”

You laughed, “It seems like you’re really enjoying yourself”

“Yeah. Everything’s really good”

“Yeah?” You stretch your legs out on your bedroom floor, and as you talk to him, you’ve been sketching in your notepad too, “How are the boys?”

He falls quieter, “Well…Jisung is still dealing with the fallout and backlash from that article. Did I ever tell you my company sued the media outlets who leaked the private information about him? All of his therapy notes and everything?”

“Yeonjun told me that there was some court case” You admitted, heart feeling heavy, “How’s that going?”

“It’s exhausting. There’s so many legal proceedings, but I have hope that Jisung will win the case”

You don’t know too much about this works, “Do you have to testify too?”

“If it comes to that, I will. Jisung wants me to stay out of that spotlight though. He says I’ve already been through enough with my hiatus”

You nod, “Then that’s probably for the best”

“I have to be careful though. The media seems to have a personal vendetta against us right now”

“God. That must be scary. Just take care of yourself”

“I am. Don’t worry. But the other day it was crazy, they surrounded our dorm and it made it impossible to leave”

Your eyes widen, “That doesn’t sound too safe. Can’t the company do something?”

He nods, “Our managers take care of it, but not much else can be done. The area outside our dorm is a public space. Legally, anybody can hang out there, and nothing can stop them from waiting for us”

You sighed, putting down your pencil, “You’re a saint for going through all of this, for your job”

He let out a bitter laugh, “It is my life, so I’m kind of used to it”

“That’s crazy” You mumble.

He nodded, “Hold on. They’re calling me in for the fitting now”

Your eyes widened, the prospect of him dressed up exciting you already, “Did they already show you the outfits you have to wear?”

He hummed, “They told me the theme too. You’ll love it.”

“Tell me”

He laughed, “I gotta go”

“Wait, what?” You protest, but he hangs up before telling you.

The pictures arrived at an unassuming time, catching you off guard.

Hyunjin had sent you ten different photos. You’d been wondering what the theme could have been for the past few hours, but it became very obvious as you scrolled through them all.

2000s fashion.

Of fucking course.

In the first photo that you see, he was in a cropped jacket, the fabric shimmering under the changing room lights. His phone was held in front of his face, hiding his features and his hair was pushed back by a hairband. He still managed to make it look so sexy.

You stopped everything you were doing, scrolling through the myriad of pictures and outfits he’d bombarded you with.

The denim jeans fit snugly on his hips, patchwork across the thighs.

You scrolled to the last one, and the jacket was unzipped. You realised why he’d said you would love it. He revealed a cropped baby blue t-shirt, with rhinestones across the hem. The shirt rose enough to show his bellybutton piercing and clenched abs.

You held your breath, staring at the pictures. A thin choker adorned his neck too, and he was slightly smirking in the picture.

He wanted you dead.

you:

wow.

hyun

is that all?

the photoshoot just ended so im going back

you:

i don’t really know what else to say

you look really fucking hot…like you’re so gorgeous in that

the outfit is…perfect on you

but i can’t imagine you ever wearing it here

it’s not your style, right?

hyun:

haha

you know me so well

i really hate crop tops lol

but …

you

but?

hyun

i know you too :)

so i took a picture just for you

He sent it to you, making your heart stop.

In it, he was sat on the fitting room bench, legs spread. But this time…the rhinestone choker wasn’t around his neck anymore.

It was held between his teeth.

It was so fucking sexy, you sat up in bed, staring at it, a feeling shooting through your body. You have to remind yourself how to breathe. You don’t reply for a few minutes, and he texts you again.

hyun

what, you have nothing to say now?

He’s so fucking cocky, but it makes you dizzy.

you

i hate you for that picture

hyun

haha

i knew you’d love it

»»————-

The next few days were a blur, and you felt a frenzied mess, like you were falling in love with him all over again.

Hyunjin in Daejon was…a sweetheart, but Hyunjin in Seoul…was a fucking menace.

You don’t know what it was that changed.

He’d tease you more often, exuding a calm confidence that tortured you at nights.

Even though you couldn’t talk to him as often, the moments that you did were special. He’d send you pictures, snippets of his day, voice messages about how the album was going or random things the boys did at the dorm.

You lived through him.

In turn, you sent him parts of your life.

The way the sunset set perfectly against the Creek, the exorbitantly rich guests at the Château that were dressed to the nines, the sketches you drew and left unfinished but still sent him.

You found out through Seungmin that Hyunjin had donated all of his leftover paints to The Château, which were worth hundreds of dollars, just so they wouldn’t go to waste while he was away. You were once again, struck by how kind he was to have thought of that.

On mundane nights, he’d send you audio recordings of their unreleased songs, pictures from the studio of him, headphones slung around his neck, tired and weary eyes.

You tried to keep each other updated, not that there was much happening in your life at the moment. Still, you’d send him pictures of you with Yeonjun, of the store, of his favourite order at the diner.

Every notification, every ping on your phone would send lightning through your veins, knowing it was him on the other end.

In the days that followed, you heard his voice less, and instead read about his day in wrapped-up summary text messages, paragraphs that flowed for hours, leaving you to scroll through your phone. You’d make it a habit to sit in your favourite booth in the diner, as your paper straw turned soggy in the milkshake, you’d type out every single one of your thoughts.

Vicariously, he lived through it too.

Your texts with him flowed like a personal diary, a newsletter on all the gossip in Daejon. You told him about the time you bumped into Hana at the diner, and she smiled at you, and you didn’t know what to do.

Somehow, he feels guilty for the rift between you and her, but you tell him it’s not his fault. If your friendship could be broken up by just a boy, it clearly wasn’t strong enough.

But then the next time you see her at the diner, she comes and sits across you.

You’re so shocked that you can barely process it, and she seems unsure too.

“Is there something wrong?” You asked her.

“Does something have to be wrong for me to talk to you?” She replied.

You shrugged, “Considering the last time we spoke—”

“I heard Hyunjin left town. Are you okay?”

You frown, feeling defensive, “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You two were close” She stated, obviously, “Everybody in town knows that”

Maybe it’s your closeness with Hyunjin that makes you feel brave.

You want to say something mean.

You want to say something honest.

Everybody in town also thinks he cheated on her with you, after everything she said at the Lakehouse party.

After she yelled at you in front of everyone.

But you’re past that, so you don’t say it.

“I don’t really care what everybody in town thinks”

It’s tamer than what you had in mind, but it has the same intended effect.

Her eyebrows shoot up, and she’s clearly not expecting that response.

“That doesn’t sound like you” She finally said.

“Yeah, well maybe you don’t know who I am anymore. You haven’t talked to me in months”

“I’m sorry. Yeonjun coming back to town threw me off the loop. You know I never got over him”

“That doesn’t mean you can just take it out on me. I told you that night that…that I got rejected from an apprenticeship I’ve always wanted. You didn’t even ask me about that”

She sighed, running her hands through her hair, “I’m sorry, okay? I don’t really know what you want me to say. I’m not gonna apologise for being upset”

“That’s not what I’m asking you to do, Hana”

“Then what are even saying? It’s been weeks since that fight. I thought you’d moved on from it”

You stare at her. The innocence in her big eyes, the curls in her hair, the princess corset top she had on. It doesn’t affect you anymore. You used to get so hurt by the things she said. So personally offended. You want to confront her, and tell her about it. You want her to know that she hurt you, but you’re so sick of drama, and of confrontations.

Right now, you feel past it.

The past few months and all of the things she said still hurt you, and maybe one day you can make things up with her. You just don’t think that day is today.

So you stood up, and she stared at you, confused.

Grabbing your bag and sketchbook, you mumbled, “You’re right, Hana. I have moved on from this”

»»————-

One day, Hyunjin sends you a new painting he worked on.

It’s a vase of flowers. Dahlia.

It’s rendered beautifully. The shadows, the texture of the petals, and the lighting on the glass.

“When do you even get the time?” As soon as he called you, you asked him, “You’re getting so much better, Hyunjin. I’m serious, like the art you made here…this is already on another level from that”

He smiled, “Are you proud of me?”

“Of course”

“Can you tell me how I can get better?”

You don’t feel too worthy of sharing your knowledge, and you tell him that. After all, you’re not an expert or anything.

He shuts you down instantly.

“You’ve been painting since before you could talk” He replied, “I want your opinion, Y/N”

You sighed, staring at the picture, “I think your shadows are getting better. Have you tried using a wider brush for the water, with thick bristles? I think the ripples will blend much easier”

“Really?” He asked, “I think right now, it looks too fake somehow”

“Yeah, but I think that’s because you’ve drawn out every wave and the lines are too sharp. Try blending the edges so it fades naturally, okay?”

“Okay, I’m gonna try that this weekend”

“I’m really glad you make time to paint, Hyunjin”

He laughed, “It’s a necessity. I lose myself in it, and it’s just me and the canvas for all those hours. Nothing else matters”

“Sounds familiar” You smiled, “Maybe one day, if you have time, we can paint on video call together”

And then he called you that very weekend.

The computer screen illuminated your face and his, as you painted in the dead of the night. You were set up in your bedroom, an assortment of paintbrushes and watercolours surrounding you. You painted with your fingers, often getting distracted by Hyunjin across the screen.

His space was cleaner, more organised because he had less space to work with. A bag of chips lay at your side and you pushed your hand into it, lazily munching on it as you watched him frown over a color choice.

“I think you’re going to love the song I’m working on with Chan” He said, after a while.

“Yeah?”

“It’s…a sexy, contemporary kind of R&B. I can imagine you liking it”

You only have one, predictable question, “When can I hear it?”

He laughed, “We’re still writing it”

You hummed, focusing on blending the ocean in your canvas, dabbing at your canvas to experiment with a new style. You savour the moments, because he hardly has this time.

“Can I say something cheesy?” He asked, and you look up to see that he’s sipping on some drink. A fancy cocktail that Chan probably made him. In the back, you can see his bed, and his things, and you wish you can see his room in Seoul.

You want to know what he decorates it with, and what clutter he has there.

“Yeah?”

The way he’s leaning over his webcam, you can see into his shirt. The navy button-up is loose, and the top few buttons are undone. The sleeves are rolled up, which was probably a good decision since his arms are stained with pink paint. His hands are busier too, with more rings and more bracelets on them.

Hyunjin’s more boujee in the city too.

His cheeks are suddenly red as he confesses, “When I get stuck in the middle of the writing process, I think of you, and it really helps”

You sat up on your knees, cherishing this new bit of information, “What do you think about?”

He flushed, “You know…just our time together. Chan teases me about it. He says you’re my muse or whatever”

He doesn’t say much more, but he’s so shy so you don’t ask. You don’t react as much as you want to either. You want to jump, or scream, or kick your feet giggling.

It’s a moment you etch into your brain forever.

You’re his muse, and it’s fitting because he’s always been yours.

As the hour passed, your focus grew, and you almost forgot he was on the other side. Almost.

Hyunjin is focused too, and he’s humming a familiar tune. The call lasts for over two hours, and it’s the most you’ve talked to him recently.

When you’re both done, you show him your canvas; he shows you his, and you marvel at his improvement. He’s painted a beautiful lighthouse, ocean waves crashing into the rocks, and he explained every color choice to you.

You could hear him talk about his art forever, and you sit in awe, as he expressed his reasoning behind every aspect. He’s gotten so much better at art, and he’s really a prodigy.

You then do the same, lifting your canvas up to show him the landscape, and he leans in really close to the camera, eyes wide as he takes it in.

“That’s beautiful” He mumbles, still staring at your painting, “I don’t know how you do it so well every time”

You smiled, because art was your favourite thing in the world, and Hyunjin complimenting it made your heart swell.

He was suddenly smiling, and he said, “I…also visited an art gallery last week. I met someone”

Your eyebrows shot up, and your smile fell so fast.

People only said that in one specific context. When they were into someone.

“You met someone?”

“Yeah” Hyunjin smiled, “She’s…this prodigy. Chan introduced me to her, she’s so young and she’s actually the owner of the entire place and guess what she said to me?”

You didn’t want to know.

“I don’t know” You replied, hoping your indifference wasn’t visible.

“She said one day I could display my own work up there. Isn’t that fucking insane? I mean, I just started out with art”

“How does she know your work?”

He didn’t comment on your lack of excitement, but he just said, “Oh, Chan showed it to her. I was embarrassed, but it was worth it”

“That’s really nice of her”

He nodded, “Yeah. She was really sweet. And oh! The reason I’m telling you this was because she used to intern for Kim Jieong, maybe she can help you out with the--”

“No, it’s okay” You’re quick to interrupt.

He then asked why you haven’t applied to another apprenticeship again.

You put aside your paint supplies, you’d lost motivation anyway. You dragged your laptop onto your bed, as you told him, “I told you. I’m not really confident, and I’m not looking forward to another rejection”

He stopped you before you can continue, “You’ve got nothing to lose then. Please, at least try. For me”

He’s sleepy, and his eyes kept closing, but he stayed up just to convince you.

You sighed, “Fine. I’ll apply, but don’t expect anything, please. You’ll be disappointed”

“You could never disappoint me”

»»————-

Your days unfolded with a slow pace, summer fading away into the months of autumn.

You found solace in your friends — in movie nights with Minho, in spending time with Yeonjun before he had to go back to work. After all, there was only so long he could be on vacation for. He had to go back to where he belonged.

It was easier to not miss Hyunjin when you were occupied, busy with your endless shifts, navigating between finding time to paint but also to enjoy the leftovers of summer.

The night they finished recording the album, Hyunjin called you drunk.

You’d seen him tipsy on a few occasions, but never like this.

He was laughing about something when you picked up, talking to other people at the party. The background was loud, and you struggle to hear anything.

“Hyun?”

“Guess what?” He asked you.

“What?”

“We finished the album. Like, for real. Every track is actually ready” He announced, and you hear a cacophony of sounds in the background, “We’re at my manager’s apartment, all of us, and the whole crew. It feels so fucking good”

“Congratulations” You smile, “That’s…really cool”

“Jisung made me drink…far too much” He giggled, “I liked the wine though, Chan found it in this cool store but then me and Binnie…we did body shots, and guess what? Chan fucking did body shots too! It was so insane. He also invited the girl from the art gallery, which is so funny. Apparently, she has connections in our industry too. She’s the daughter of --”

“Wait, you did body shots?” You interrupted him, not really wanting to hear about the very successful artist prodigy girl in his life.

“It was insane. Just like Seungmin told us”

You could tell he was walking around the room, because he’d randomly trail off and talk to someone.

The more he rambled on the other side of the phone, the more you wished you were by his side. He must be standing near the speakers, because suddenly his voice would get drowned out by the music.

“I…can’t hear you, Hyun” You spoke, snuggling into your blanket.

Your bed was the stark contrast of where he was right now; in a room full of pounding music, and you wondered what kind of parties they even had, or how wild they were. If they did body shots, they must already be pretty wild.

“Sorry” He apologised, walking off to a quieter area, “Can you hear me now?”

“Yeah, I can”

“Fuck. I miss you so fucking much” He suddenly mumbled, voice dropping, “Why aren’t you here?”

“I miss you too” Your heart squeezed, “But you should get back to the party—”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is that Y/N?” A loud voice interrupted, and you heard a loud struggle on the other end, making you pull back from the phone.

“Give me the phone back, Changbin!” Hyunjin yelled.

You sat up in bed, “Hello?”

“Hey!” Changbin’s voice was louder than you expected, and he sounded really drunk too, “You must be the girl who stole him away from us for months and months. I have every reason to hate you”

“Stop!” Hyunjin spoke in the background, “Don’t announce it to the entire party”

“Now you’ve taken him back though” You replied to Changbin.

“Eh, you’re right” He laughed, “So tell me, on a scale of 1 to 10—”

“Changbin, give me my phone back!” Hyunjin sounded exasperated, and you could imagine them running after each other.

“Let me finish!” He groaned, and then his voice became clearer again, “On a scale of 1-10, how big of a dumbass is Hwang Hyunjin for—?”

“Fuck. Is that her?” Another person interrupted in the background, and you felt overwhelmed by the multitude of voices.

“Jisung, can you please ask him to give me my phone back?” Hyunjin sounded annoyed now, voice further.

“I’m sorry, this prick won’t let me talk to you for five whole minutes!” Changbin apologised, and you’d never met him but his energy seemed exactly like you’d imagined.

Still, you could hear Jisung in the background, struggling after the phone, and it made you feel special. They were miles away at a fucking album party, but gave their attention to you.

“Is that Hyunjin’s girlfriend?”

Your eyes widened at the word.

Hyunjin’s frustrated drawl interrupted, further away from the speaker but you still heard it, “Stop, Jisung. She’s just my friend. How many times do I have to say that, and don’t announce it to the party!”

Your smile faded, stupidly. He was right.

“Then I can have her?” Changbin interrupted.

There was another scuffle, until Hyunjin was at the phone again, “Hey, I’m so sorry. They…took you hostage”

A breathy chuckle followed, drowned out by his friends laughs in the background.

“That’s okay. Don’t worry about it” You fiddled with your blanket, “You should enjoy the party, Hyun”

“No, no, I called you because I missed you”

“I can’t really even hear you” You spoke, “We can just talk tomorrow. Please just have a good time tonight, okay?”

“All right. I’ll call you later” Hyunjin spoke, like he was distracted by someone.

“Who are you talking to you?” An unknown voice interrupted, and you guessed they were probably talking to Hyunjin.

And you heard Hyunjin mumble, “Nobody” before he hung up.

You laid back in bed, and it was too quiet, and you felt lonelier than ever.

»»————-

Fallen leaves drifted in the pool, from the canopy up above. One drifts towards you, and you picked it up in your hands, watching the water seep through the half-eaten leaf. It’s orange.

“The leaves are already changing color…or is it just me?”

“It’s just you” Minho answered, and you roll your eyes.

“What are you doing here all by yourself?” He asked, swimming over to you, “The rest of the party is over there”

“I’m not really interested in playing” You told him, looking over to where everyone indulged in a pool volleyball game.

“So you’re out here looking at leaves. God, I’m lucky to be your best friend”

“Shut up” You shove him, and he laughs, falling into the water.

As soon as he resurfaces, he splashes you.

“Don’t be annoying, Minho” You mumbled, rubbing the saltwater out from your eyes.

“You’re no fun” He grumbles, and lays on his back to float in the water.

You stare at the leaves floating around you again, drifting into a pattern, and a sole flower is in between them. A dahlia.

“Can’t believe summer is almost over” You remark.

“You sure made the most of it though, Y/N” He smiled, eyes squinting against the bright overhead sun. You don’t respond, and he lifts his head to look at you.

“What?” He asked, “You can’t deny that it’s the most eventful summer we’ve ever had”

You peered down at your nails, the paint was chipping off, “Right. Losing my best friends sure is memorable”

“You didn’t lose them, Y/N”

You gestured to the space around you, that usually would be occupied by Hana or Felix, “I don’t see them here”

Minho sighed, swimming closer to you, “What’s got you in such a mood?”

You shook your head, feeling silly for feeling this way, “Nothing”

He rolled his eyes, “Tell me”

You sighed, fixing the straps of your bikini to avoid looking him in the eye, “Hana tried to talk to me a few days ago. She wanted to fix things, but I didn’t. Does that make me a horrible person?”

“Do you feel like a horrible person?”

You looked up at him, “No. I…chose my peace over another fight. I think I made the right decision”

“You knew the answer to that already, Y/N. Then what is bothering you?”

“Fine. Hyunjin called me last night, from the release party”

“And that’s a bad thing…why?”

“Not really, I guess it put things into perspective. He’s…out there being successful and celebrating that success, and I’m here, doing absolutely nothing.”

“You’re at a pool party with me. That’s not nothing”

“You know what I mean” You sighed, leaning against the pool wall, “He’s probably even going to display his stuff at an art gallery soon. Some girl fell in love with his art…and he’s always busy…in a totally insane location, or doing something so fucking cool, and I’m in the stupid art shop”

His texts have been less than frequent. You understand, because he’s swamped with work. The press tour has been underway for a week now, and if he wasn’t at some fancy magazine building, he was probably holed up in the studio for re-recordings. There’s still time till the album's release, and if you know anything about the band, they’re perfectionists. They’ll work themselves to the bone, till the end.

“Well, yeah. He’s…an idol, with a crazy fucking life. You’re living a normal life. He would probably give everything to exchange places with you, and not have anything to do”

“I guess you’re right” You realised, and you glance up to see Yeonjun.

He’s laughing loudly, sunglasses on his head, as he throws the ball to the other team. He’s leaving soon, and this pool party is a going away gift. After all, he’s the only one of your friends with a pool. Yeonjun looks happy, and beautiful in the sun. It was low-key, exactly like Yeonjun wanted it, and you’re so glad Minho and him are on talking terms again.

“And I don’t believe you. That’s not why you’re upset” Minho spoke, blocking the boy from your view.

“Why can’t you just take my word for it?”

“Because I know when you’re lying to me. So tell me, what’s got you being so bitchy to your only friend within 35 miles?”

“Ouch!” He yelled, when you pushed him again.

“Stop being a smartass”

“You’ve been floating on cloud nine the past few weeks, what’s wrong now?”

You stare back at Yeonjun, as he dives to retrieve his sunglasses, and his other friends are teasing him.

“I never told you but I applied to an apprenticeship in the city” You blurted.

Minho’s eyebrows shot up, “What? Today?”

“No…a few months ago. At the start of summer”

His brows were furrowed, confused, “Oh”

“That’s kind of why I’ve been working all these jobs…so I could save up one day and move to the city”

He swam closer to you, “Why are you telling me this now?”

You shrugged, and the water feels nice and calm around you, “I thought you’d hate me for it”

He’s quiet for a few minutes, “That’s not true. I’d like to think I’ve grown from when Yeonjun left. I mean I’m at his party right now. Isn’t that saying a lot?”

You smiled at him, “That’s probably why I’m telling you now”

Minho laughed, “So did you get it?”

“Nope” You sighed, “I wasn’t good enough for it”

“What, so you’ve given up already?”

You frowned, “No, but I’m still waiting on them to hear back. I contacted them again regarding my application”

Minho smiled, “Hyunjin knows, right?”

“Yeah”

“Of course he knows. You tell him literally everything. I’m gonna have to fight him one day”

You laughed, “I’d pay to see that”

He reaches forward, picking out a leaf stuck in your hair, “You really miss him, huh?”

“I hate texting him. It’s so impersonal and distant”

“Have you video-called him?”

You sighed, “Through my shitty computer screen, yeah”

“I think you need a vacation, Y/N” He laughs.

“I’ve been on vacation, like for months”

“No, I mean a vacation, away from your job, away from Daejon. Just go see him”

Your eyes widen and you looked at him, “Isn’t that a bit crazy? I mean, we’re not dating”

He rolled his eyes, leaning back in to float, “The day you stop worrying about what other people think, is the day you’ll live a much better life, Y/N”

He then begins talking about other things, but his words stick in your head, and an idea begins to form.

»»————-

You help Yeonjun pack, and on his last night in town, you sit on his couch again, talking about everything that was. He tells you of his consistent fights with Hana, and his efforts to rekindle their relationship which went in vain. It’s strange to think he came back to town, just to make things right with her.

He tells you that him and Hana have grown apart, and perhaps they were never meant to be together.

He says that he’s letting Hana go, and it’s a bittersweet moment which you drink to.

You think nothing could make you let go of Hyunjin.

When you get really tipsy, you fantasise of him even more, and scroll back through your chats, reading his old texts, smiling to yourself. Yeonjun catches you, and calls you a hopeless romantic, and you’ve never thought of yourself that way, but it rings true.

You both lay in bed, and you talk until he has to go, and you realise how much you hate goodbyes.

»»————-

The next time Hyunjin texted you, you were sat at the steps of the art shop, waiting for the rain to pass.

hyun

hey

sorry ive been filming all day

you

ohh, what have you been filming?

didn’t the album recording finish last week?

hyun

ah no the press tour is still left

you

oh right, sorry I have no idea how this stuff works lol

hyun

right now we’re doing some promo content for a teen magazine

after this we still need to go to a music video shoot

It’s for an american talk show

isn’t that crazy?

you

wow…

you’re going to be so popular

but i hope you can get some sleep

hyun

we’re filming till 4 am tonight

i doubt it

what are you up to?

you

um im stuck at aeras because of the rain :/

i always forget to carry an umbrella

hyun

you miss me?

You stared at the text, tears inexplicably filling your eyes, and you don’t know why.

It had only been a few weeks since he was gone, yet it felt like he was drifting away.

Of course you missed him.

You missed him an insane amount, and ever since he’d been gone, you’d been going through the motions of daily life, not even really enjoying anything.

He was so far away.

You’d tried to not let the sadness overtake you, because it was silly and childish.

You missed his calming voice, and his hand in yours, and the taut string of tension between you every time you met.

You missed the uncertainty of Hyunjin.

The not-knowing.

With him, you could never tell. It could be a mundane afternoon, until it wasn’t. Until his hands were around you, and you were kissing, and you knew it was so wrong to be attached to that.

Your phone buzzed, and he was calling you, snapping you out of your thoughts.

“Hey” You mumbled, your voice softer and shakier than you intended.

“Is everything okay…?”

“Yeah” You swallowed, “Sorry, I was just about to reply”

“No, don’t worry. I just got worried. I thought—” He trailed off.

“What did you think?”

“I thought I crossed a boundary…or something”

You paused, trying to comprehend his words. All he’d done was ask you if you missed him. How could that be a boundary when you and Hyunjin had said so much more? Done so much more?

Was missing each other not even okay anymore? Was it too much for him?

Another sob threatened to break at the implication.

“Y/N? Are you still there?” He asked, voice soft and calm, not knowing the storm it brewed inside you.

You mumbled, “Yes, I’m here”

“Okay” He spoke, letting you breathe.

“I’m sorry, I just…I guess I miss you more than I thought I would” You admitted, hoping it wouldn’t be too much for him. That it wouldn’t push him away.

“Oh”

“Yeah”

“I…miss you too, Y/N”

It calmed your racing heart.

“I wish I could see you” You fumbled through the words, “It’d make me feel so much…better”

Hyunjin was quiet for a while, “I’m sorry”

“It’s…not your fault” A smile graced your lips, because he had no reason to apologise for your lives being so separate from each other.

“It is. I’m sorry I’ve been away…I got really caught up with everything here. Seeing my friends again, having this life back, it was more overwhelming than I thought. But don’t worry…I’m doing really well here”

“Yeah?”

“I’ve been painting a lot more when I’m free, or when I’ve had a horrible day”

Your heart clenched at his tone, and the implication that it was only a few weeks since he was gone but he’d already had multiple horrible days.

“Yeah? I’m glad it helps. That means…coming home wasn’t a waste”

“A waste?” He repeated, confused, “Why would you say that?”

You pulled at your laces, watching the rain fall at your footsteps, “Nothing, Hyunjin. It doesn’t matter”

“You seem…upset. Did I say something wrong?”

You pulled your knees up to your chest, away from the pitter patter of the drops, “I told you. I really wish you were here. I know it’s impossible”

“Yeah…”

“This morning, I was watching the news…about Jisung’s trial. How’s it going?”

“It’s…okay. He’s so tired already, he kind of just wants to settle but the company lawyers are pushing for more”

“I’m sorry. That sounds so exhausting” You bite your lip, because their lives are already as stressful as they could get, and this legal battle plays in the backdrop like a nuisance.

“They’re also restricting a lot of shit for us. We have to be careful each time we step out in public, and Jisung even has to monitor every phone call…same with Chan and Kairi”

“How long is it going to last?”

“Hopefully not too long, but anyway, that’s not important right now at all. You sound upset. How are you?” He asks, voice becoming softer all of a sudden.

You fear you’re going to sound like a broken record if you tell him you miss him again. These days you seem to fill all your silences with just those words. Would he get sick of hearing them? Is this how long distance relationships are like? Endlessly telling each other you miss them, but never being able to do anything about it.

Instead, you end up saying something absolutely crazy, “Hyun, can I come see you?”

You don’t intend for the words to leave your brain, much less your mouth. In fact, you didn’t even know you were going to say them. You haven’t had time to plan, but Minho’s conversation rings through you. You’ve been saving up to go to Seoul your whole life. You can spare a vacation. It would be worth it if it means you see him.

Hyunjin is quiet, and then he breaks the silence with a chuckle, “W-what?”

“Um, sorry that sounds out of nowhere. I just…I really want to meet you. I miss you, and it sounds like you’re going through a lot. Maybe it’ll help” You trail off, leaving the suggestion up in the air.

“I…I’m not sure, Y/N”

You nod, because it is crazy, “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Fuck, I’m so sorry but I…I don’t think I can meet you. Right now, with everything that’s going on, I honestly don’t have the time and…” He trails off.

You nod again, “Yeah. I understand”

“I’m sorry”

“It’s okay. It’s bad timing”

“It’s bad timing” He repeats, yet his tone is definitive and final.

You can’t seem to see a time in the future which would get better. After the album release, he was going to go on a press tour, and then start preparing for the next album, the music videos, the solo photoshoots…the world tour.

Hyunjin was never going to have time for this, and your throat becomes clogged with a broken dream.

He sighed, softly, “How are you going to get home then, if it’s raining?”

“I’ll wait it out”

“What if it rains till morning?”

You smiled, your silence saying enough.

“I’ll stay with you” He says.

Your brows shot up, “What? Don’t you have…a schedule or an interview to get to?”

His voice came in softly, “It doesn’t matter. I’ll stay with you, till the rain ends”

Now, you wished it would never end.

»»————-

The incessant abuse of your doorbell woke you up. It had been pressed countless times, and it was half past nine.

Why the hell would anybody come to see you this early?

Last night, Hyunjin had stayed on the call as you’d walked home by yourself. You didn’t talk the whole way, of course. In between, he would be quiet, and you’d only hear the rustling of papers and his pencil as he sketched away in his condominium. You’d hear his breaths, and occasionally, he’d say something.

In moments like this, he was a man of few words. You appreciated that, because it was nice, to just exist with him. Although, you were slightly embarrassed at how many times you told him you missed him.

Turning over in your bed, you pushed the pillow over your head to make the noise disappear.

A buzzing of your phone, followed by another short bursts of the doorbell made you sit up.

Who could be here to see you, so urgently, and so fucking impatiently?

“What the hell” You mumbled, getting out of bed, and rushing barefoot on the cold tiles, to answer, and in your sleepy daze you hoped it was him. That by some miracle, Hyunjin had heard your wishes and come to see you.

On the other side of the door, with bagels in hand, stood Felix.

A hood pulled over his head to protect from the rain, he certainly looked a vision.

Your sleep disappeared, in lieu of confusion, “Yongbok?”

He smiled, perfect teeth on display, “Morning. I…see that you were still asleep”

You hugged yourself, realising how exposed you were in your sleep shorts and tank. Although that had never been a problem around him before, “I mean yeah…it’s barely ten”

He cocked his head, “It’s almost noon”

“What?” Your heart dropped, “You’re kidding me”

“I’m really not” He laughed, and then said, “Are you going to let me in? It’s freezing out here”

You realised he was standing in the pouring rain, and you stepped back, “Oh, of course”

You still didn’t know what he was doing here, but years of friendship fell back into place and you let him in.

He pulled the hood off, shaking his hair to get the water out, and looked apologetic, “Sorry, I just showed up. I did try texting you, and I thought you’d be awake”

“I got in late last night” You told him, still standing against your open door, watching Felix in your foyer.

“Oh, were you stuck because of the rain? You could have called me, I’d have come picked you up”

“No, that’s okay. I was on a call”

Realisation crossed his features, “Right. How is he?”

Slight irritation coursed through you, “I didn’t say it was him”

Felix nodded, looking genuinely apologetic, “Sorry. My mistake.”

But of course, he was right because it was Hyunjin you were talking to, but you wouldn’t admit that now, and you held back a groan.

His eyes flickered over your body, “Why are you still standing at the door? You’ll catch a cold”

“What are you doing here?” You hugged yourself tighter, well-aware that you didn’t even have a bra on, “The last time I saw you, you said you didn’t want to be friends with me anymore”

His eyebrows shot up, and he stared at you.

For a second, you did regret it. It was too early to fight. It was too beautiful a morning for this.

Until he laughed, nervously, “Um…that’s not what I meant. Is that what you got from it?”

You frowned, “What?”

He shook his head, “Um, I guess I really didn’t get the point across. I thought you understood me that night. Isn’t that why you’re avoiding me?”

Your head hurt, “I’m not avoiding you…You’re confusing me, Felix. It’s too early for this”

“I’m sorry, you’re right. Hey, look, why don’t you get dressed, and take a shower, and I can make us some coffee…and heat up these bagels by then? After that, maybe we could talk?”

“Talk about what?”

You couldn’t understand him.

“About everything. I realise I’ve been apologising for my actions, but never really explaining why I acted that way this whole time”

But he had been your friend your entire life…so you would hear him out now.

»»————-

He sat at your breakfast table, warm bagels laid out across a plate, with two hot cups of coffee.

You sat across him, pulling your feet up, eyeing his movements.

It wasn’t alien to you…this kindness of his. He had done this countless times before, showed up at your house uninvited, but this time was different, of course.

“I really am sorry for waking you up. I genuinely thought you’d be awake, I thought you had a shift at Aera’s”

“I haven’t had a shift at Aera’s on Tuesday, ever” You responded.

“Oh” He laughed, “Maybe I should have memorised your work schedule back when you started working there…I guess I always assumed it was a temporary job”

You bit into a bagel, unable to hold back your hunger, and it instantly melted in your mouth. A rush of endorphins flooded through you, and you sat back for a minute, letting the taste sit with you, letting your body wake up.

Felix watched you, a soft smile on his face, “You like them?”

“You didn’t have to bake these for me” You spoke, staring at your feet, perched on the chair.

“But I did” He reached his hand out, across the table, “How are you doing?”

You glanced up at him, “I’m…fine”

He frowned, “Your eyes are all swollen. I know what that means”

You pulled your hand back from his, “It’s nothing. I’m just tired of summer”

He sat back, eyebrows raised, “Those are words I never thought I’d hear from you”

“Well…you won’t really understand, Lix”

He slid the cup of coffee towards you, “Try me”

You stared at him, eyes flickering between his, and then reached forward for the cup, “I don’t know. I feel tired of everything lately. I don’t really want to make an effort to go out. I go to work, and back, and so on. It’s kind of a futile existence”

“I go to the Creek every night. You can come with me”

You hugged yourself, “Yeah, but I just feel like there’s more I should be doing”

His tongue poked his cheek, “You mean…that art apprenticeship”

You glanced up at him, heart heavy, “I lost that”

“I’m sorry. You could have told me, you know?”

You’ve been hearing that a lot recently, but you know keeping it a secret was the only way it could have worked. He said he would have understood, but you knew him better than that.

“I was afraid of losing you, but…” You laughed, “That happened anyway”

He shook his head, pulling his chair closer to yours, “At the drive-in theatre, when I said I didn’t want us to be friends again…I didn’t mean it like that. There was more I wanted to say, which I couldn’t”

“Wow, you’re really getting right to it”

He laughed, “What? So, would you prefer we talk about nonsense for another hour? I know why I’m here, I’d feel better if you know too”

You weren’t sure you wanted to hear this, but you nodded, “Keep going”

“I guess what I wanted to say was…” He paused, and when your eyes met his, you realised he was actually nervous.

“Yeah?”

His eyes squeezed shut, and then opened, “I was really fucking jealous”

“Of…what?”

He laughed, a sound you’d loved all these years, “Of…Hyunjin. Obviously. Who else?”

“Felix…we talked about this. You have nothing to be jealous about. Just because he’s in my life now, does not mean you can’t be”

He laughed, “No, that’s not what I’m jealous of. I don’t really care if he’s in your life”

“Then what?”

He sighed, leaning forward, and this angle put him in the path of sunlight. It lit up his face, highlighting the freckles splashed across his nose bridge, and his cheeks, and you saw his lips part to form the words, “You love him.”

Confusion arising, you frowned, “Felix—”

“Let me finish” He laughed, “It’s…been obvious for months”

You were embarrassed, to say the least.

He tilt his head, “Has it not been obvious to you?”

Your face flushed, from the frustration and the embarrassment, “What, my feelings for him?”

“No. My feelings for you"

He said it so simply.

So fucking simple, and you couldn’t even react.

You sat there, looking at him.

Putting together his words in your mind. Again. And Again.

You misheard him. You had to.

“Yongbok”

“It is what you think it is” He paused, “I really thought that you knew”

“You…” A nervous laugh escaped you, and it wasn’t your proudest moment, “You have feelings for me? You’re fucking with me, right?”

You wanted to ask why. But you didn’t.

“Since when?”

“I don’t know” He leaned back, “I…didn’t really realise it until, well, this summer”

“Oh”

“Yeah” He swallowed, “But I know that you don’t feel the same, and I was acting stupid. It was dumb of me”

You stared at him and don’t know how you didn’t realise this. How did you not put two and two together? You felt so fucking dumb for missing all the hints, and all the clues.

“Yongbok. I…um, I don’t know what to say. Sorry, I’m just…overwhelmed and confused”

"You don’t have to say anything” He laughed, “You’re like…my best friend in the fucking universe. I know that doesn’t sound like much, because I mean, we’re twenty and best friends makes it sound like we’re in elementary, but it’s true. You’re literally the most consistent person in my life, and I’m always fucking happy around you. Not just happy, but at peace. I’m happy with Hana, and Minho, and Eunbi too, but with you, it’s like I’m home.”

You couldn’t look him in the eye, “Felix…”

“I’m sorry for all the times I yelled at you. I’m fucking terrible at holding back my frustration, and I was still navigating my…emotions. I could lie and say I never meant to hurt you when we had all those arguments, but I did. I did want you to feel the kind of hurt I did. That’s probably the biggest red flag” He laughed, “But holy shit, Y/N, you have no idea what it took for me to tell you this. With him being here, I just couldn’t because that’s so fucking cliche, it’d be like I was asking you to choose”

You stared at him, uncomfortable, unable to comprehend the extent of his words, “You should have told me”

“I’m telling you now. I know it’s awkward for you, but I have nothing to lose” He chuckled, “I’m not asking you out, or anything. I just want you to know because it was driving me crazy keeping it to myself. In fact, I was never planning to tell you, but the night of my birthday party, during that stupid spin the bottle game, when we kissed, I thought you felt the same”

You remembered the kiss.

It had surprised you how much you liked it.

“I mean, you’re a really good kisser” You admitted, picking from crumbs from the bagel.

He laughed, “Am I?”

“Yeah”

“I try” He smirked, and you know he was trying to lighten the mood. It was so typical of him to make jokes out of an awkward situation, “You’re a really good kisser too. I know after the party, I gave you a 7.5 on the kissing scale, but…I was obviously kidding”

You looked up at him, “Really?”

He nodded, still smiling, “I’m sure Hyunjin would agree with me”

Just like that, the bubble popped.

Your smile fell.

“Sorry” He apologised, “You guys have kissed, right?”

“Yeah”

“And he still went back to Seoul?” He laughed, “Man, being an idol really sucks”

“Yongbok…”

“Okay” He laughed, “I’m sorry. I was just trying to make you laugh”

You didn’t know what this was, or what to make of it.

What are you supposed to say that? You felt an obligation, to return his feelings, despite all the arguments you had in the recent months, you wish you could return them.

You didn’t want to be the one breaking his heart, or anybody’s.

Is this how Hyunjin would feel if you’d told him you loved him?

Would you have also lightened your inevitable rejection by stupid humour?

You don’t know what you can possibly say to Yongbok, to make things okay.

So later, when he’s helping you wash the cups, foam-filled hands, you ask him, “Are you going to be okay?”

Yongbok looks up at you, a soft smile on his features, and you again realise how beautiful he looked in the sunlight. His skin is lit up, a kindness in his eyes has returned, like a weight was lifted off his shoulders, and he tells you he’s okay.

He tells you not to worry, and that you owe him nothing. He then dips his hand in the foamy sink, reaching up to smear some on your nose, a childlike laughter filling your kitchen.

You wonder if you would feel the same relief, if you confessed the truth to Hyunjin.

»»————-

Your phone rings later that evening, and it’s Hyunjin.

He asks you if you’re okay, and if you’re better than you were yesterday.

You were on the brink of tears last night.

Today, you are better.

Yongbok’s words come back to you, and you wonder why you don’t love him. It sure would have made everything a little easier.

Everything makes sense now, the way he’s been acting all summer, his behaviour around Hyunjin, and you feel a little stupid for being so oblivious to it.

When you drift off into thought, Hyunjin asked you again, if you were okay.

“I met Yongbok” You responded.

His voice lit up, at your rekindled friendship, “Yeah? What did you guys do?”

You tell him about the bagels, and the coffee, and because you can never keep anything from Hyunjin, you end up blurting, “He told me he loves me. That he has his entire life”

You don’t know why you say it. You’re looking for a reaction. Or for consolation.

But Hyunjin is quiet on the other end, and he doesn’t say much for the rest of the night, and you wonder if you should have just kept it to yourself.

»»————-

Hyunjin doesn’t call you the next day, or the next, or the one after that.

You try to distract yourself, stealing away work hours into painting.

Each brushstroke soothed you, and you pour out your emotions.

Unrequited love is a bitch, and you feel guilty every time you see Felix, but he’s more than okay. You can’t imagine being the same.

Your paintings end up all looking really sad. They make you feel sad when you look at them, and you realise you’re only painting of longing.

Hyunjin finally texts you.

It’s only to tell you that Chan and Kairi broke up.

He doesn’t say much more, but he doesn’t have to.

You knew what they meant to them, and perhaps this breakup impacted him more than them.

You go back to painting your solitude.

It’s calming, under the glow of your lamp, tucked in a corner of your room, you lose yourself in your art.

Autumn is closer than it was yesterday, and it makes you sad. Summer is further away in your past now, and so is he.

Hyunjin’s texts get less frequent, as the days go by.

You feel obsessive, you feel just a little crazy.

You feel like a teenage girl waiting for her crush to call back.

Your heart breaks a little more with each hour that he doesn’t call.

You’re worried all the time, if he was okay.

You read about the scandals on the news, and the rumours on the internet, and some of them involve him but most of them involve Jisung.

Yeonjun keeps you updated on the trial, and all the press outlets that Jisung has sued.

Hyunjin doesn’t have space in his life for a relationship, but as days pass, it feels like he doesn’t for a friendship either.

hyun

hey yn

im so sorry

i’ve had a horrible schedule the past few days

they’re really trying to make up for everything I missed

i haven’t been sleeping much and i just…haven’t got much time on my phone

my managers have been really strict

they limit my activities on there

but don’t worry im okay

i spend most of my time in the studio

i miss you too. a lot

His replies soothe you, more than your own art ever could.

You fall into a habit. You check the news each morning, even before your first sip of coffee, worried if he’s okay.

Hyunjin keeps telling you he’s fine, and you force yourself to believe him.

He sends you pictures of his art, and you notice how much he’s improved. He’s using all of the techniques you taught him. He’s painting about all of his days in your hometown.

Other nights, you don’t hear from him at all.

You feel it falling apart, and your heart breaks.

One day, he asks you about Yongbok again.

You question if you should never have told him about the confession.

»»————-

The day his album releases, you listen to it before anybody in the world, or at least you’d like to believe so.

It’s beautiful, and it’s raw. It’s a mix of every genre you can imagine. Hyunjin sings about love like he’s been in it. The album is more beautiful than you could anticipate, and you can already see the headlines surrounding it’s success.

Felix takes you to a store in Samhae, so you can purchase it for yourself, and when you find yourself in a line of twenty girls talking about him, you feel like fighting them.

You borrow Yuqi’s car, so you can push the CD into the stereo, and hear it before you can even get home.

The music Hyunjin makes is beautiful as him, and you hear the vocal fry, and the cadence he speaks with, and you fall in love with him even more.

It feels like cheating, as Felix sits in the passenger seat, listening to the same songs.

You wanted to ask him what he thinks of the album, but you hold back.

When you got home, you sat in the darkness of your room, and listened to it again, just by yourself.

You called him to tell him what you think of it, but he’s at a party and he has no time for this.

So you end up keeping your thoughts just to yourself.

»»————-

You stared at the letter mail within your hands.

It arrived a few days ago, but you hadn’t noticed it until now.

It had been lying in your mailbox, gathering dust, and you stood on the sidewalk, wondering how you the hell you missed it.

It was from the city.

Your heart dropped into your gut, as you ripped open the envelope, making sure not to damage the contents inside.

You took a deep breath.

Holy shit.

It was going to be a rejection.

It had to be.

You stood absolutely still on the pavement, unfolding the letter. It’s so thin you’re afraid you’re going to rip it.

You can’t read this alone. You wish Hyunjin would here, it’d probably feel less scary.

But you can’t wait either. You need to know now.

You scanned the paper, yet your brain couldn’t comprehend the sentences, and skipped forward, registering only certain words. Like a record skipping.

A word stands out to you.

Congratulations.

And then you go back to the start of the letter, trying to make sense of what you just read, but your heart is already beating out of your chest and you think you’re going to pass out.

Congratulations.

Kim Jieong would be honoured to have you join him as an apprentice for his Fall Program in Painting at the Atelier of the Arts in Seoul, South Korea.

You reread the words until they were seared into your mind, and into your heart.

You read them until the paper became wet with droplets, and you realise you were crying.

On the side of the sidewalk.

Then you read them again.

You folded the piece of paper into your pocket, and you texted the boy you loved.

hyunjin!

when can i call you?

i have something to tell you

it’s really important

You wait for his answer, but your message doesn’t deliver.

So you sat down on your front porch, trying to calm your heart but you’re bursting with excitement and anticipation. You’ve already texted Felix and Minho, but you’re only waiting for one person’s reaction.

You need to tell him now.

He could be busy. He could be at work, or in bed, but you don’t care.

He has to be the first to know.

You find yourself dialling his number, and your hands are shaking, and your heart is trembling.

Hyunjin doesn’t pick up.

And you’re met with an unfamiliar message.

“We're sorry, you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service.”

»»————-

THREE MONTHS LATER

»»————-

“Take my hand if you don’t wanna fall”

You looked up, and Felix is smiling down at you, the sun a halo around his head.

He’s got pink skates on, and it suits him.

The brightness of them stands out in the park.

“You’re awfully confident for someone who’s fallen over…thrice now?” Minho laughs, coming to stand next to you, arms on his hips.

“I’ll be fine, Lix” You smiled, tightening the laces of your roller-skates.

“Let me at least help you up” He insisted.

You nodned, letting him take your hand and pull you up. You’re inches from him when you stand up, and he smiled at you.

“See you at the rink in a few?” He tilt his head.

“I’ll see you, Lix”

He let go of your hand, and you miss the steadiness it gave you, but almost instantly Minho comes to your side. With a hand on your back, he leads you to the rink. You’re still getting used to these roller-skates, and you’ve fallen over more than you’d liked.

“Aren’t you glad I dragged you out here?” He nudged you.

“Sure” You smiled at him, trying to match his pace.

It’s a beautiful day at the park. There’s a harvest festival, where Felix bobbed for apples, and you cheered for him. Then Minho forced you all onto the rink, bringing you a new pair of skates since you couldn’t find your old ones. As you skated around the park with your friends, it almost feels like the old days.

The leaves had changed color.

The days were shorter now, and the sun hung low in the sky, the temperature dropping to single digits.

With the onset of fall, you stopped swimming in the Creek, and the fireflies disappeared, and you never left the house without a cardigan anymore.

Aera’s kept you busy, and so did the weekends at The Château. You and Seungmin grew even closer, and you found joy in interacting with travelling tourists, searching for artistic pursuits and adventure in your little town.

Felix explored his love for baking with you, and you recreated everything in his recipe book… except for the strawberry streusels. Yeonjun consistently kept in touch with, and told you of his life in the city, the drama in his workplace, and about the cute new girl that sat across him at work.

You fell in love with the palette of autumn, and all your artworks became tinged with shades of orange and red. All of your sweaters became tainted with paint splatters, and the walls of your room became full with your memories of the summer.

“Are you going to take these with you? I bought them for you, full-price mind you” Minho asked you.

You sighed, “I don’t know”

“There has to be places in Seoul to skate in” He thought, and grabbed your hand so you can speed up. You smiled, feeling the wind on your face, desperately trying to not lose your balance.

“I don’t think I have space in my suitcase” You told him, as he stopped.

Felix is on the other side, and he’s smiling at you. He looks cute, and he’s with his sister. She’s in matching pink rollerblades, and Felix has spent more than an hour teaching her how to skate.

There’s a couple next to them, and they’re holding hands and skating, and they keep kissing, and your chest hurts with the thought of him.

You haven’t been able to talk to him in months…

He doesn’t even know you got into the program.

His number changed, and he closed all of private social media.

“Hey?” Minho said, turning your head to look at him, and he can read your mind, “You’ll find him once you get to the city, it’s only a matter of time”

You frowned, “How? I don’t even know where he lives…I don’t even know if he’s okay”

“Well, you obviously know he’s alive” Minho joked, “He looks pretty good in all the interviews they did”

“I’m just worried about him” You mumbled, “It feels weird to go this long without hearing from him”

“It’s probably something with the company. Hyunjin told you how controlling they were, didn’t he?”

“Yeah, but…he’s not a kid. How can they control this shit in his life?”

You’ve had this same conversation millions of times before, over the past three months, but you still can’t understand what happened. You had tried every way to get in touch with him, but with how famous he was right now…it was impossible.

It’s not even like you can go to Facebook and add him as a fucking friend.

“I can ask Felix to try” Minho asked.

“No” You insist, “It’s not gonna make a difference. It doesn’t matter anyway. I’ll see him soon”

You can’t help but have hope. At the beginning, you were worried, and then you were angry but now you’re just confused. You know he’d never change his contact information without telling you, or even Minho, or Seungmin.

Something went wrong.

A huge reason you’re excited to go to Seoul, is so you can finally meet him, and know what happened, how he’s been, and if he’s okay.

You heard Felix call out to you.

“Wait, Y/N” Minho grabbed your arm, “I’m sure he’s even more upset than you”

Over the past few months, Minho has discussed all of his theories with you, about what could have happened. He’s so sure, that Hyunjin’s company is involved. You want to believe him, because there’s no way Hyunjin would do this.

“What are you two gossiping about?” Felix asked, skating over to you, and from where you stand, he really looked like a fairy, long hair blowing in the wind.

“Nothing important” You smiled at him, “Wanna skate with me now?”

“Always” He grinned. You let him take your hand, and pull you around the rink, guiding you through groups of friends, children and couples.

“What are you wearing to the party tonight?” He asks, after a while, and his hand landed on your waist, helping you balance.

“Whatever outfit I haven’t packed” You admitted, honestly.

“Come on, you’re the star of the night” He spun in front of you, “You should wear the blue dress, the one you wore to Yeonjun’s party last year”

Tonight is the going away party that Minho is throwing for you. You can’t believe it’s already time. You leave tomorrow.

Everything has been building up to this, and you’re so excited, you think you could burst. You’re anxious too, because everything has to go right, it’s only what you’ve been dreaming about.

Your acceptance letter is tucked into a book, and it feels like only yesterday that you found out, but it’s already been months.

The night you got accepted, Felix baked you a chocolate cake. You were too shaken up, and confused about the fact that you couldn’t get through to Hyunjin, but you had to celebrate.

Felix… distracts you from all your worries. You’re grateful for his company.

“I don’t want to be the star” You told him.

Felix rolled his eyes, “You deserve it, love, and you have no choice”

You had been anxious about Hyunjin for months, confused, and heartbroken, but you have bigger things to worry about.

The program starts in a week, and you don’t have enough time to prepare.

Yet, you’ve been preparing for it all your life.

The money you’ve saved up happens to just be enough for a studio apartment, and Yeonjun helped you find a place in a busy neighbourhood.

Not that it mattered.

You would sleep in the subway if you had to, if it means you’ll get to learn from The Kim Jieong. The artist you’ve looked up to all your life, your inspiration, your muse, and your everything.

Later that night, Minho helped you pack, and you take only what you need. You can’t afford to leave your supplies at home, like he did, so you packed all of them. You keep aside the tattered brushes, because the city kids would definitely disapprove.

Your suitcase filled up quickly, with an array of watercolours, and acrylics, and pastels, and you compromised on your clothes.

You only pack your favourite coat, and your dark sweaters, and the skirts you didn’t wear here yet.

The going away party is small, and you love and hate every part of it. You wear the blue dress Felix wanted you to. Everybody there tells you you’ll do well, and you wonder if any of them secretly resent you, if they think you’re another person who gave into the city's false charms. Everybody who moves to the city from a small town is always celebrated, but you know you’ll probably be hated when you’re actually gone.

You’re in such a daze throughout, you don’t realise the importance of that night.

You’re not going away for long, but it’s still a huge deal.

The apprenticeship has a low acceptance rate, and they hardly take any students from Korea. It’s mostly international kids, and you can’t believe you get the chance to be amongst them.

After the party, you and Felix stay to help Minho clean up, and you stand on the threshold of the doorway, to catch your breath. Felix threw away the last of the beer bottles, and stood opposite you, leaning on the other end.

Your arms are folded behind your back, and you smile at him.

“I can’t believe Seonmi tried to get us to play spin the bottle again”

You sigh, “I’m glad Minho shut them down”

Felix laughs, and then his shoulders sag as the laughter dies down, “How are you feeling?”

“Tired” You tell him, “But…I’m really fucking excited too”

“I can’t believe you’re leaving” He mumbles, for the tenth time that night, and he pushes his hands in his pockets.

“It’s not like I’m moving away forever” You tell him, “The apprenticeship is just a temporary program”

“But isn’t the point of it to get a job in the city?” He asks.

“There’s only a few spots open, for the people that perform the best”

“Then you’re definitely not coming back” He says, smiling, placing unwavering faith in you.

“We’ll see” You shrug.

“Is he coming to pick you up from the station?” He asks.

You nod, “If he can make it. He’s been busy recently”

“You promise to keep me in your life?” He suddenly asks, tilting his head. You notice his hair’s grown longer in the fall, falling to his shoulders. The blonde suits him, the glow of the porch lights sharpen his cheekbones, and the shadows on his face.

“You’d push your way back, even if I didn’t” You tell him.

He laughs, knowing it’s the truth, “I’ve had the privilege of knowing you since we were…kids. I’m never letting you go, you know that?”

His words are meant to comfort you, but the irony doesn’t fail to strike.

He must have noticed the fall in your expression, because he steps forward, “Hey, hey. What’s wrong?”

“I’m…kind of a little terrified” You admit, eyes downcast, watching the pink shoelaces of Felix’s worn-out shoes.

“You’ve been painting your whole life. Everybody’s going to fall in love with you there, I can bet my life on that”

“I only need Kim Jieong to fall in love with me” You joke.

“And he will. You’ll spare no one”

You swallow, “Thank you. I know you never really wanted me to move away. But I’m really glad you understand how much this means to me”

“I rather you be away from me than be miserable in this little town” He admits, and his finger meets the end of your chin. He tilts your head up, so you’re looking him right in the eye.

“That doesn’t sound like you” You mumble.

He rolls his eyes, “I know. The things I do for you”

You smile, “Thank you”

“I’m really gonna miss you” He admits, “You’ll come home for the next summer though, right?”

You nod, and his hand is still on your chin, “Of course. I’ll be here”

His lips pull up into a smile, and his eyes are bright, and the freckles on his skin look far too much like stardust right now.

“You’ll be here. That’s why summer’s my favourite season” He mumbles, but his voice is suddenly hoarse now, half of his words lost in his mouth.

He’s staring right at you, and you feel the breath leave your lungs.

It reminds you of the night of his birthday and how he came to your rescue, kissing you to save you from embarrassment.

“Can I kiss you?” He suddenly asks you, the depth of his voice prickling through you.

Apparently, he was thinking of the same thing.

The words throw you for a loop, but yet they don’t.

He knows you don’t feel the same way for him. He knows that you’re in love with someone else. But he still asks. It’s a goodbye kiss. It doesn’t mean much more.

So, you say yes, and he swallows your words in a kiss.

He presses you up against the doorway, but he doesn’t deepen the kiss. His lips move against yours, and his hands hold you, and all you can think about how is how different this feels.

It’s not that you’ve given up on Hyunjin. In fact, in a few days, you’ll be closer to him than you’ve ever been, under the same night sky, breathing the same air.

Your hands stay behind you, pressed into the doorway, and you feel the slightest urge to run them through his hair, but you don’t.

Felix kisses you sweetly, and when he pulls away, there’s no awkwardness. He lets out a laugh, pulling playfully at your cheeks and mumbles something about making sure you don’t miss the train in the morning.

That night, when you’re packing away the last of your things, you reached for the sketchbook you had left at Hyunjin’s house. It laid by your bedside, but you haven’t opened it in weeks. You decided to take it with you, if only for the memories and the sketches you’ll make on the journey.

As you reach to put it in your suitcase, something dropped from within its pages and landed on the wooden floor.

Frowning, you bent down to pick it up.

It’s a vertical photo strip, and when you flip it over, your breath stops in your throat.

It’s the pictures from the photobooth.

Of you and Hyunjin kissing, in the pink lights.

How the fuck did that get in here?

You’re absolutely sure he had deleted them, right in front of your own eyes.

It stirs memories within you, plunging you right back into that moment, the hot, heavy kisses that you shared, the tightness with which he gripped your hips, the urgency with which you touched each other.

Your core tightened, and you sit on the floor to take a breath.

You stared at the strip of pictures. Your first instinct is to text him, and ask where he got them, but you can’t even contact him.

It’s another question you can’t wait to ask him, when you finally see him again.

A tsunami of feelings overwhelms you, and you know that you can’t blame him for this sudden rift between you, because you can still feel the intensity with which he held you, and moments like that can’t be temporary.

A new buzz runs through your veins, and you hold the photo strip tight to your chest, wondering when it would be real again.

»»————-

The stars in the sky were replaced by the skyscraper lights, as your train hurtled closer to its destination.

Clutching your ticket in your hand, your eyes were peeled to the window, watching the city skyline become closer, and closer, until the buildings loomed over you.

You’d seen the city through pixels and in coffee table books but never like this.

Your camera ran out of film before you’d even arrived, and perhaps you should have prepared for that. You couldn’t stop your excitement. Everything was new, and everything was gorgeous. You took pictures of your ticket, of your seat, of the view.

You have to document this. In every form possible.

The cute boy across you even offered to share a pack of Peppero sticks halfway through the ride, and you hoped everybody in the city was as kind as him.

There were more people at the platform than in the entirety of Daejon, and you held your bags tightly to you, making your way through the crowd. At a certain point, you weren’t even walking, just pushed toward the nearest exit, going with the flow of the crowd around you.

Each breath brought a new scent, fighting for your attention in the crowd. The musty luggage that had travelled all over the country being dragged against the concrete.

There must be a cafe nearby, because the aroma of coffee wafted through the air, and it wasn’t till the scent of pastries hit you that you realised you were starving.

There’d be time for food later.

The faint hint of cologne and perfume clouded your senses, different kinds of fragrances worn by the people who walked through the station.

It was overwhelming, a sensory overload, but you had expected this chaos.

You welcomed it.

He was waiting for you at the platform.

Relief flooded through you at the familiar face amongst the crowd.

“Look at her” He remarked, a small smile overtaking him.

“Fuck” You ran up to him, navigating through the few people still in your way.

His arms wrapped around you immediately, lifting you off the ground momentarily, and his scent was familiar and it was known, and it calmed you instantly. You buried your face in his neck, letting him hold you to his body in the crowd.

“You’re here” He breathed, pulling back to look at you, eyes wide.

“I missed you” You admitted, reaching out to grab his hand, “Thank you…for coming to pick me up”

He squeezed yours in return, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world”

“No, I’m serious. Thank you, Yeonjun”

He stared at you, eyes crinkling in appreciation and love, “You don’t have to thank me”

The crowd moved around you, like a river around a rock, as you held him close to you.

Everything was unfamiliar here, but him.

“Come on, let’s get you out of here” He smiled, grabbing your bags.

Walking out of the station felt like stepping into a dream you’d forgotten.

You’d studied these streets, and dreamt of these buildings, but now you stood amongst them. Awe and fascination swelled in your heart, and if it wasn’t for Yeonjun keeping a hold on you, you’d probably stop and stare at every little thing.

The neon lights danced along the alleyways, casting colors onto everyone around you.

It was so typical.

It was just like the movies.

You picked up on snippets of conversations, leftovers of drama, but it was crazy, because for the first time, you didn’t know who they were gossiping about. There were no familiar faces or names, a reality you could never live before.

In the distant, you could hear street musicians and you stopped, pulling at Yeonjun’s sleeve, “Can we go see that?”

You’ve seen far too many Youtube videos about this, and you have been waiting to experience this yourself.

He laughed, gesturing to your luggage, “With all this stuff in our hands?”

“Right” You realised.

“Hey, we can always come back to this. Let’s get you settled in first, yeah?” He said, reaching forward to tuck your hair back in a gesture that soothed you.

“I know. I just…I’m excited. Sorry” You apologised.

“Don’t be sorry. I was the same my first day here” He said, sincerely, “I’m glad I have you to share this with. Although you’re already doing better than me, I was so overwhelmed”

You swallowed, “I am too, but…I want to be”

Yeonjun’s lips curled up into a smile, “Yeah?”

“I’ve thought about this moment for a long time, Jun”

“I know” He smiled, then tugged at your hand, “Now come on, we’re almost at your apartment”

You let him tug you along, because you were too lost taking everything in to navigate yourself.

It was overwhelming,

But you embraced it.

»»————-

“Are you sure this is the right building?”

“Mmh, I checked on the map. It’s definitely the red building”

“It…looks different than it did online” You said, staring at the apartment.

“I’m sure it’s nicer inside” He shot you a calm look.

He grabbed the heavier suitcase, before attempting to push the door open.

It didn’t budge, and he stopped, “Is the door locked or something?”

“Um, they told me it’d be open till six” You mumbled, glancing at your phone to check the time.

“Well, it’s certainly not open” Yeonjun muttered, trying to push it open with his shoulder.

His efforts were met with no real results, and he released a frustrated sigh.

“Maybe I can try” You side-stepped him, lamely attempting to turn the knob.

“You know, it’s not that cold” Yeonjun rolled his eyes at the thick gloves you had on.

“It’s cold for me” You defended.

Daejon almost had the same weather year-round.

You weren’t used to the chill that came this up north.

“I pray for you when winter comes” He added.

You turned to him, arms crossed, “So…are we just going to stand here the rest of the night?”

“Why don’t you call the landlord?”

You bit your lip, “I wouldn’t wanna inconvenience him”

Yeonjun sighed, dropping the duffel bag on the pavement, “You literally can’t get into your apartment. I think he’ll understand”

Your new life in the city was off to a great start.

“Maybe I can try again tomorrow” You spoke, “Could I stay at your place tonight?”

“Y/N” He stepped forward, placing a hand on your shoulder, “You can, but you’re not going to be bothering him, I promise you. This is kind of his job”

You stared at him, and sighed, “You’re right. But, before I call him, do you think there’s another entrance to the place? Maybe we’re at the wrong one”

Yeonjun looked up at the facade of the building. All the blinds to the apartment windows were shut, and he kept his hands on his hips, “I’ll check around the back”

“Thank you” You nodded, “I’ll try the door here”

You peeled off your gloves, turning the knob again, hoping that it might work this time.

You pushed at it with your shoulder, and to your surprise, the door burst open, plunging you inside.

Somebody else had opened the door from the inside.

“Fuck” You collided with them, flushing with embarrassment.

“Whoa” He exclaimed, hands coming up to your shoulders, “Are you okay?”

“Oh my god. I’m so sorry” You stepped back, looking up at him.

Was everyone in Seoul a fucking model or something?

His hair fell into his eyes, sharp features and a jawline that immediately stood out to you.

He seemed to be younger than you.

He observed your form, eyes flickering over your figure before he stepped back, to let you breathe, “Were you…breaking in to my apartment or something?”

“No!” You immediately responded in horror, eyes wide, “I…I’m Y/N”

His eyebrows shot up, “Is that supposed to mean something to me?”

“I’m the new resident on the sixth floor” You explained, voice unsure by the second, “Mr. Kwon didn’t mention me?”

“Oh” His eyes widened in recognition, “Right. He did. I didn’t think you’d be coming in today. Bad weather to be moving in”

“You’re right” You laughed, pushing your hands in your pockets, “So, uh…I’m Y/N”

He smiled, eyes crinkling, “Hi, Y/N. I’m Jeongin”

“Sorry about the door. I couldn’t get in”

“It tends to get stuck in the cold sometimes” He explained, then looked behind you, “Is that all the stuff you have?”

You turned back, “Yeah. My friend’s gone around the block…to look for another entrance”

Jeongin smiled brightly, like he had no troubles in the world, “Well, I can help you get your bags up, unless you wanna wait for your friend to come back?”

“I’ll just tell him I got the door open” You explained, reaching for your phone to text Yeonjun.

Your new neighbour, Jeongin, watched as you typed out the text, and then reached forward, to pick up the duffel you’d abandoned on the street.

“You probably shouldn’t leave your stuff out like that” He laughed, grabbing the handle of your suitcase, “Some scumbags are just looking for an opportunity like that”

“Oh” You realised, feeling dumb for leaving your things unattended.

Jeongin pulled your suitcase and duffel bag up the porch stairs, before shooting you a glance, “I’m guessing you’re new to the city”

“It’s obvious?” You laughed, feeling embarrassed.

“Don’t worry about it” He shook it off with a hand, as you followed him up the stairs, “I’m on the second floor, by the way”

You clutched the rusty bannister with one hand, craning your neck to observe the atrium. The centre of the staircase had a skylight, but it was pitch-black outside.

He glanced back at you, “If you ever find yourself stuck outside, you can shoot me a text. I’m almost always home”

You followed him up to the sixth floor, “Thank you, that’s really nice of you. Are you in university?”

He nodded, “I take my classes online though. You?”

“I’m here for an art internship”

“Where’d you move here from?” He asked, as you made your way to the door, and you handed him the keys.

“Daejon. It’s a small town down south, near the beach and the mountains. You probably haven’t heard of it”

He turned to you, with a grin, “Sounds beautiful”

You unlocked the door to your unit, and thankfully this lock was easier than the one below.

Flicking the switches on, you glanced around.

The apartment certainly was…something.

It was a studio, unfurnished, one bedroom, one bath.

The walls and floor were bare, and there was hardly any lighting, but that could be fixed.

Everything could be fixed.

You had made it here, and that’s what mattered.

A little kitchen window looked out into a fire escape, glimpses of the city visible.

It excited you already. You could set up an easel there and learn to paint this new landscape.

You’d brought no artwork with you…but the new paintings you made could decorate the walls, and soon the place would fill up with your new memories of the city.

There was so much potential.

“It’s not bad. Mr. Kwon gave you one of the better units” The boy commented, and you realised he was still here, as you’d been fantasising about your new place.

“Really? You’re not just saying that to make me feel better?”

Jeongin raised an eyebrow, “Why would I want to make you feel better? We’ve only known each other like… thirty seconds”

Your eyes widened, and for a second you wondered if he actually meant it, before he burst into a laugh.

“Sorry” He giggled, “I was kidding. Did you think I was not?”

“And how would I know you were kidding? I just met you, like you said” You exhaled.

He laughed, walking back to you, “Why would I be so rude to you for no reason?”

You shrugged, hugging yourself, “I don’t know…maybe you’re an asshole”

“Ouch” He laughed.

“Who are you?” A familiar voice interrupted, and you turned to see Yeonjun stood at the doorway. His eyes were wide, and his hair was wet from the rain. You felt guilty for leaving him out in the cold, but he was more concerned about the stranger in your apartment.

“Who are you?” Jeongin asked him in return, “How’d you get in?”

Yeonjun’s eyes narrowed, “The door was open downstairs”

“Shit” He mumbled, “Mr Kwon will kill me”

“Why are you in my friend’s living room?” Yeonjun asked.

“I was helping her in”

Yeonjun shot you a look, and you shrugged, “What?”

Jeongin looked between the two of you awkwardly, “I gotta go close up downstairs”

“Sure. Thank you for letting me in by the way”

“Course. No problem” He smiled, pushing his hands in his denim jacket pockets as he left.

Once he was out of earshot, Yeonjun shut the apartment door, and raised an eyebrow at you, “Who was he?”

“Yang Jeongin” You leaned against the kitchen counter, letting out a breath, “He opened the door for me”

“And you let him into your apartment. What if he’s a creep?”

“Relax, Jun. At least I’m inside now”

He looked around, observing the place, “Well, at least there’s no mold here or anything”

You stare at him, “Are you kidding me? The place is… perfect”

He laughs, “What?”

You run up to him, pulling him into a hug, “Thank you, thank you, thank you”

He wrapped his arms around you, “Someone’s happy”

You looked up at him, “Of course I am. This is what I’ve wanted my entire life”

“You didn’t seem this excited downstairs” He pointed out.

“I was worried for a second there” You say, “But now I’m so happy”

He laughed, “Fuck. I’m happy for you”

You let go of him, to sit on your new couch, in your new home.

“If I get some cute stuff and more lights, it’ll be nice, right?”

He walked over to the kitchen window, peering out at the view, “Just be careful to keep the blinds closed at night”

“Why?” You frowned.

“There’s a lot of creepy people in the city”

You smiled, dropping your head back on the couch, “I don’t care”

He laughed again, stepping over to you, “When do you want to unpack?”

“Is it crazy if I say right now? I kind of want to put all my stuff in place”

“No, it’s not crazy. You’re not tired?”

“I’ve been preparing for this my whole life, so no”

He chuckled, “I’m guessing you’re going to be saying that a lot”

He walked over to the bedroom, “It’s smaller than on the website. You’ll have to buy a bed”

“I know” You hummed, closing your eyes, to take everything in. If you sat here quietly, you’d be able to hear the sirens, the pedestrians, the noise from all the shops.

“Do you wanna order some pizza?” He asked.

“That’s perfect”

As the hours pass, you put away all your clothes in the wardrobe. Yeonjun helped you arrange the paintbrushes and canisters in a corner. You’ve only had enough space to bring two canvases and you balanced them against your bedroom wall.

Yeonjun played an English rock band he’s lately been obsessed with as you emptied the last of your suitcase.

The pizza arrived in no time, and Yeonjun brought it upstairs.

You’ve opened the kitchen window to let the city sounds in, and he smiles at your amused expression. Your apartment faces a busy street, but you love it. There’s absolutely no silence, and you think it’ll help you fall asleep at night.

Sitting on the floor, the pizza box lay between you as Yeonjun told you about his favourite spots in the city. He was a little overprotective, telling you to avoid certain neighbourhoods, but you appreciate him.

“Are you excited to join the internship?” He asked, biting down into the pepperoni.

“Apprenticeship” You corrected him.

“What’s the difference?” He laughed.

“Look it up” You rolled your eyes, tossing a pepperoni at him.

He nodded, “So you’re sticking in Seoul forever then?”

You laughed, “We’ll see”

“You didn’t answer my question” He repeated, popping open a coke can, a hissing sound accompanying it.

“I am excited. Obviously” You smiled, “Nervous to meet Kim Jieong though. He’s like my favourite artist, ever, in the entire observable universe”

Yeonjun laughed, passing you the coke can, “I better be the first to hear all about your first day”

“Who else will I even tell?” You laughed.

He nodded, swallowing the crusts, and choosing to stay quiet.

It’s awkward. Hyunjin’s thought hangs in the air.

He doesn’t know you’re here.

He doesn’t even know you got accepted.

“We could do something crazy. If you want”

“What?” You asked, curious.

“You’re probably gonna hate the idea” He laughed.

You scoot closer to him, “Tell me”

He bites into another piece, “You know where he works. The Pegasus headquarters. It’s not too far from your classes”

You stare at him as he talks. The idea makes you feel like a stalker.

“I can’t just show up at his workplace”

“Isn’t that how you two met in the first place? He showed up to your workplace?”

You grabbed the coke can from him, “You’re clever. But no…that’d be weird”

“How else are you going to get in touch with him?”

“I don’t know, but it is so weird to think that we’re under the same sky now”

Yeonjun rolled his eyes, “You’re way too romantic. You know that you’re always under the same sky, right? No matter where you are on Earth”

“Shut up” You tossed a piece of pepperoni at him, “Don’t kill the mood”

“Fine. You’re breathing the same air as Hyunjin. I mean, if you really want to be romantic, you’ll probably bump into him sometime soon”

“There’s like ten million people in the city, Jun”

“Oh, now you’re logical?” He laughed. Yeonjun’s face suddenly lit up, and you know he’s had a terrible idea.

“What? Don’t tell me…”

“I’m going to help you find him. That’s kind of my job”

“Finding people?” You laughed.

“No, tracking their digital footprints, and shit”

“How is that going to help us find Hyunjin again?”

“I don’t know. I’m still figuring that part out”

You rolled your eyes, and you lie down.

Your stomach is full, you’re tired, and the floor of your new place is cold, and you love it. You’re so happy.

You’re right where you belong, and right where you were always supposed to be.

It feels right, and you smile to yourself.

“Do you want to go for a walk? Maybe we can explore your neighbourhood. You can get familiar with it” Yeonjun suggested.

You sat up so quickly, “That’s the greatest idea I’ve ever heard”

So, he took you around the alleys, and you tried to memorise the names of the streets, and he showed you a coffee shop, and a Paris fucking Baguette.

Your street is busy and full of life, even this late at night. Even from here, you could see the high-rise buildings surrounding you, glass houses, and everything is glamorous.

“I literally feel like I’m inside a drama” You told Yeonjun, watching all of the little shops and snack stands. The mannequins in the window display wore clothes you could never get away with wearing back home.

But, you’ll wear them now.

It’s so much all at once.

He held your hand, introducing you to everything he knew of.

You feel like a stranger in your own country. Everything is different here.

But you’re right where you belong, and as Yeonjun led you back home, you looked up at the sky.

It’s different too.

You realise Hyunjin was right all along.

There are no stars here.

»»————-

It’s been less than a week, and you’re lost.

You’re not proud to admit it.

But the city is big, and you were only trying to find your way to The Atelier.

Cabs were expensive as hell, so you’d decided to walk, and take the trains but clearly you’d ended up in the wrong neighbourhood.

You called Yeonjun. Obviously.

“Look, Y/N. I still don’t understand what possessed you go visit your art building this late”

“I was impatient!” You admitted. Your classes don’t start for another week, but you wanted to check the place out. You couldn’t hold your excitement.

“You could’ve just waited for the weekend. I would have gone with you”

You snorted, “Right. What would you do in a place like that?”

“Hey, I can be artsy too” He retorted, “Now tell me what you see”

You stared ahead of you.

It’s busy, and there’s so many people. You turn a corner, and then another, and another. It’s already dark out, and the streetlights have twinkled on. You wish you could appreciate the beauty, but you’re so lost.

Somehow, you’re not scared. You know you’ll figure it out.

You’ve made it this far after all.

“I’m at a street with a thousand shops”

“So…every single street of this city? You’re so helpful”

“You’re not being very helpful either” You crossed your arms.

“Just go into any shop, and ask them where the art building is”

“What if they don’t know?”

“Then ask somebody else” Yeonjun suggested.

You survey the plethora of shops. Half of them have already shuttered down, and some are in the process of closing.

There’s only one store that’s open. It looks like it sells snacks and drinks, but maybe they can tell you where you are. The fluorescent lights of it cast a harsh aura upon the streets, unmatched to the traditional aesthetic of everything else.

“Okay. That’ll give me an excuse to get that expensive candy I saw at the station”

Yeonjun laughed, “I am appalled at how positive you’re being right now despite being in the middle of nowhere”

You walked up the little stairs, a chime sounding as you enter.

It’s bigger than you expected inside.

There’s rows and rows of snacks, shelves stocked to the brim. It’s local, different from a 7/11 franchise, but it’s just as organised. There’s a few people already in the store, and you walked past them, until you find an employee who can help you.

“Yeah, once I decided to stop being affected by every little thing, life became much easier” You joked.

You can almost imagine Yeonjun rolling his eyes as he said, “If only everything was that easy”

“I’m gonna ask someone who works here. I’ll call you after, okay?” You spoke into the phone, before hanging up.

There’s a girl, she looked friendly enough.

“Excuse me?”

She turned, and she was chewing gum, “Yeah? How can I help you?”

“Yeah, could you tell me how I can get to the Atelier from here?”

You feel a little stupid. She’s probably wondering why you can’t just use your phone, but the streets here are so narrow, there’s no way it’ll be accurate.

Her eyebrow furrowed, “That fancy glass building?”

You lit up in recognition, “Yes! Exactly that!”

“Um. I’m sorry, I don’t know. But Jae will know. His girlfriend goes there. I can call him if you want, he’s the back”

“Oh” You nodded, “That’ll be really helpful, thank you so much”

She looked around, “Are you gonna buy anything?”

You nodded, smiling at her, before she walked into the back.

Well, she was nice.

You tucked your hands into your jacket pockets, and looked around.

You haven’t been to this part of town before. Well, you’ve only been here a few days but you must have got yourself really, really lost to end up in such a random place.

You waited for the girl to come back, and you watched the people around you.

You envy their sense of comfort, and familiarity.

There’s a couple, still in school uniforms, and they’re picking out candy.

There’s quite a few people in the store, baskets full of snacks, and iced coffee, and maybe you can grab one too, after you reorient yourself.

The shelf is front of you is so overstimulating, and there’s so many different types of candy.

That’s another one of your favourite things here.

Brands you’ve never heard of or seen before. Imported sweets, from all across the world, and everything is expensive, but you don’t care right now.

There’s a huge box of purple candies.

It’s too much, even for you.

But you feel the need to treat yourself.

You reached for it, picking it off the shelf. Your eyes wander up.

There’s a boy.

Your heart skips a beat, and you think it almost stopped.

You’re dizzy.

The most beautiful boy in the world… stands on the other side of the shelf.

You’d recognise that stance anywhere.

He’s in a dark trench coat and a cap is pulled over his head, and getting lost has easily been the absolute best mistake of your life. It’s the craziest coincidence in the world, and maybe now you really don’t believe in coincidences anymore.

You believe in destiny, and he has to be yours.

There’s no other explanation, no rhyme or reason for why else he would be here, right now, right here, at the same time as you.

He hasn’t seen you yet, and you relish in those few seconds of pure observation.

He looks exactly the same, as he browses through the aisle of cereals.

Your heart burned, and it yearned, and you couldn’t wait anymore.

You couldn’t stop yourself, even if you wanted to.

“Hyunjin?” You blurted, the excitement unable to be held back.

His head shot up to yours.

The blue box of cereal in his hand dropped to the floor.

And it really was him.

It actually was him.

There were no coincidences.

He looked so gorgeous, and you can already feel his distinct scent. Your lips curved up into a smile, and your heart was beating out of its chest.

He was staring at you, eyes wide, lips parted.

His hair had gotten even longer, and it peeked out from under his cap.

“Hyunjin I—”

A woman stepped between you, picking up what he’d just dropped.

“Is this the one you were looking for?” She handed it to him.

Hyunjin tore his gaze away from you and nodded at her.

She looked at you, wondering what had his attention.

Your words were stuck in your throat, and your heart was squeezing in your chest, you thought you might collapse.

Who was that?

“Is there anything else you need?” She asked him.

He shook his head, gaze to the floor, “No. I’m good”

His voice. You’d missed it insanely.

“Perfect. The cash counter’s in the back though” She walked past you, and she’s not your problem anymore because he’s here. He’s actually here, in front of you, in the most random shop in all of Seoul.

Hyunjin stepped out from the aisle.

You’re standing in his way, “Hey—”

“Excuse me” He mumbled, his shoulder bumped against yours and he walked right past you.

What the fuck?

He didn’t even look at you.

Someone tapped on your shoulder, and it was the girl with the chewing gum.

Your eyes were still on him though, confused, and a fear began to settle in your stomach. He was standing at the cash counter, and his was head was ducked low, as the woman placed all of their shopping out of the cart.

For a second, you wonder if you’re mistaken and if that’s someone else, but you know it’s him, but that doesn’t make any sense.

The girl employee spoke cheerfully, introducing a boy at her side, “This is Jae! He can tell you the way to the Art Atelier”

At those words, Hyunjin finally looked back, over his shoulder, at you.

His gaze met yours.

It definitely was him.

You were about to say something, but the words never made it past your lips, because he immediately looked away from you.

It was as if he had never known you.

Like you were a stranger.

The city of Seoul had never felt so quiet, as right now.

»»————-

⇐ masterlist ⇒

please let me know if you liked the chapter, or any thoughts on this part! thank you <3

if you’d like to support me and my writing, you can buy me a coffee here! thank you so much.

#hyunjin x reader #hyunjin imagines #star lost with you #hyunjin x yn #hyunjin smut #angst #fluff #friends to lovers #series #skz x reader #skz smut #hwang hyunjin x reader #hwang hyunjin smut

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dianasaurusrex102 · 1 year

Text

Maybe it gets better? (I could wait, it'd be my pleasure) -Remastered ver-

Authors Note: First post :0 I recently reread one of my fanfics and was extremely embarrassed to see all the spelling and pacing mistakes I made TwT so I decided to rewrite some parts and regain my honor as a writer. Fun fact I’m Asexual and am uncomfortable with writing too explicit scenes lol and yet the few fanfic I’ve written are all NSFW :< I took the the liberty of ignoring the layout of the canon sister location in order to make it more human friendly, and characters can’t be ooc if they’re barely given a personality lolol Also from all the fnaf lore I’ve taken in Ballora, and both Funtimes aren’t possessed so they should be fine to romance :)

Content Warning(s): Female Reader & Anatomy, lots of pet names, Mild-Dubcon, Size Difference, Overstim, Aftercare

Ft: Ballora, Funtime Freddy, and Funtime Foxy

This wasn't supposed to happen. You weren't supposed to go near the building everyone warned you about. And you definitely weren't even supposed to think about entering it either.

At this point you've given up on trying to follow any rules you were told. The only thing on your mind was getting away from everything even if it was only for a night. But you walked into the unmarked building despite all your senses screaming to turn around , only wanting to get somewhere your body didn't feel so claustrophobic.

Your home wasn't the same anymore, work didn't provide any solace either so your last resort was to hide from the world. You'd heard the rumors around this place, how some rich guy owned it and only specific people would ever come in and out. Everyone whispered about how it was a drug rink or maybe a sextraffiking headquarters, but all you could find was an empty, dusty lobby and boarded off stairs.

You almost turned around at the sight of them, not wanting to explore this infamous building if it made your breaking and entering even more obvious. But a singular door at the far end of the lobby caught your eye, upon further inspection the knob was noticeably cleaner than everything else in the room.

You turned the doorknob, quietly hoping that it would work so you wouldn't have to return to your house late and without a story to tell. The door opened with a quiet sound and a rush of adrenaline cut through you, am I really doing this? There's no going back once you step through, so you step forward hyping yourself up as you close the door behind the sharp click of the lock much to your horror.

You whipped around, gripping at the knob as you greatly regretted your decision of walking in without a second thought. You violently twisted it damming whoever decided to install a automatic lock, instead of your initial "quick peek around" idea you now had a new objective.

Find another way out, or the alternative of finding something to pick the lock with. You dejectedly turned back around staring at the narrow staircase, you clicked on your phone flashlight huffing slightly as you accepted your fate.

The walk down wasn't tremendously difficult, but you couldn't help being discouraged that at the end of the sketchy climb, the huge basement you imagined wasn't there. Instead an elevator was neatly stationed just in front of the last step, an extremely odd placement in your opinion but you didn't show up to judge.

You pressed the only button you could see on the outside, a down arrow popped up at the top screen and in a split second the door slid open. With an unsure expression you shuffled into the oddly shaped elevator, every design choice of this place seemed intentionally weird even the semi circle elevator you begrudgingly entered.

The doors shut and you're moving in an instant despite not touching a single button, in a slight panic you grip onto the small screen at the sudden descent down. The screen is blank, and you stare at the large lifeless eyes placed on top of the device as if you're waiting for them to blink back, they don't of course but you can't stop yourself from doing so until the doors reopen with a soft ding .

You aren't sure why there's a need for this secret area to be so far down, the only thing you're sure of is the feeling of dread at the odd room you've stumbled across. The room was barely lit, T.V's filled with static lines up above the desks being the only thing illuminating the room. Mannequin heads lined on the desks bored into you as you took a step back and forced yourself into the wall behind you, begging for the doors to close and take you back up.

The elevator doors stubbornly despite the extended minute you stayed hyperventilating and questioning if you really needed this adventure to clear your mind. But everything stayed as still as you and the annoying static from the T.V was starting to piss you off rather than scare you.

" They're just mannequins, they aren't even moving! Get a hold of yourself!" That stern self-talk was all you needed to to stiffly walk making sure to keep a steady eye on the unnerving mannequins sitting in the left corner. The elevator finally closes behind you but you stand strong and take a deep breath to try to convince yourself all your decisions thus far were correct.

You head towards the desks trying to shake any unnerving feelings, you wanted to do this! You needed this adrenaline rush, and while this wasn't the most convenient way to receive one it was the one you chose. Your hands shook slightly as you took in the scenery around you, a large desk with junk haphazardly thrown on top and a cheap looking clock hung right above those ugly mannequins.

Tentatively, you slid your fingers across one of their faces trying to make sure they weren't going to react. Its eyes rolled slightly when your fingertips slid on top, but other than that no unwarranted movements were made by them so you finally let your shoulders relax a tad. Paper was scattered atop desks for no rhyme or reason, and a seemingly useless statue on the opposite side of the desk.

"Whoever decorated this place needs to get fired, and who doesn't put a clock in the middle of the wal-" your critiques came to a sudden stop as you caught some movements behind the curtain on your left. You whipped your head at the sight, was there someone down here? Your hope spiked slightly but the movement was gone as soon as you tried to check.

You hadn't even noticed the small sliver of what you could only assume was a window when you first walked in, your fingers itched to open the curtains and check. The other curtains seemed to be drawn shut, maybe it was a sign that this room was the right one after all. Or maybe there was a murderer on the other side, but at this point you were sure your initial heart attack when you saw the mannequins was the worst thing you could encounter down here.

You confidently walked over to the double doors, stilling just as your hand gripped the knob. You brewed in your own self doubt for a second, trying hard to keep up your sudden flash of self-assuredness. You suddenly pulled as hard as you could, trying to both surprise your brain and give your body no chance to back out.

If you could explain your situation to the person no doubt they'd understand and hopefully lead you out! You speed walked inside letting the door slam behind you, this is what people do right? Walk in like you own the place? You took in your surroundings again, soft dim lighting illuminated the grand foyer looking area and you took a second to realize how much bigger the room was.

" Is someone there? " A voice called out, you froze on the spot. Why were you so surprised? You were anticipating the presence of a person but the voice that rang out sounded too robotic and it dragged a shiver out of you.

Your muscles seemed to lock up, it must have come from the intercoms! You force your head to turn towards the corner, quietly praying that all you found was a speaker. Instead a monstrously tall woman stood still, as if in the middle of a spin, moving to face your direction.

Wait, not a woman? Her skin was too glossy and stark white to pass as anything human but her build resembled one. She seemed like a ballerina, no she had to be a ballerina. She balanced perfectly on her pointed feet and she had her hands above her head in a perfect position.

" Hello? Are you still here? " Her voice was so calming you would have never guessed it came from such a horrifying source. You watched in silent shock as her brows furrowed slightly in an uncanny show of emotion. Her face was segmented, closed eyes and purple eyelids were decorated with long eyelashes, and elegant cheeks accentuated with round purple blush.

Her face segments shifted slightly and you couldn't stop the sharp gasp you let out. You started to breathe harder when she finally made eye contact (could it even be considered eye contact if her eyes were closed?) She gracefully lowered herself off her toes and her arms down, that was all you needed to snap out of your daze.

You took a step back trying to be as stealthy as possible, only to be stopped before you could even move your foot more than an inch. Wait but there wasn't anything on the floor when you came in? A tiny robot stood right behind your feet, its small cream face giving a terrifying smile.

This time you couldn't repress the sudden shriek escaped, you scrambled forward trying to get away from the doll. The only thing you ended up doing was tripping over another one of those darn dolls. Why were there so more??? You landed hard on your elbows, staring in disbelief at seemingly duplicating dolls.

More seemed to walk along, as if they sensed your sudden fright and decided to join in. You tried to shift away, managing to get into a sitting position only to stop again. You'd taken your eyes off that damn ballerina for one second now her boxed purple flats were maybe a foot away. The dolls seemed to still, looking up at the ballerina before hopping away to stand behind her legs, peering at you like a curious child would.

" There was no maintenance scheduled today, it’s after hours, are you supposed to be in here? " You shakily looked up, the angle making your height difference even worse than you thought. She easily towered over you and she spoke without ever opening her eyes. You began to wonder if she could.

" Please answer my question or I will be forced to detain you " Her threat hung around the room and you opened your mouth to say something. At first a squeak was all you mustered up as you tried to force something out of your closed up throat.

"I-Im here for uh-emergency maintenance, I lost my key, ma'am" your words were so shaky that even you doubted that your pieced together lie would be believable, the ballerina seemed to cock her head at your voice.

" Don't lie to me " she snapped, obvious frustration showing in her face. You flinched at the harsh tone and tears started to flood your vision, your anxiety only worsened when she bent over slightly with a mechanical whir. You could see the mechanical workings peek out from under her torso casing, but your eyes quickly snapped up to her face as she seemingly studied you.

"I'm s-sorry... I-I just got down here and I got locked i-in" you couldn't stop the sharp inhales you took mid sentence in order to stop yourself from turning into a bawling mess. You tried not to ask yourself why the robot's stern tone shook you more than her initial presence but your mind was rendered a jumbled mess regardless of the source.

She seemed to move closer to inspect you and enlightened you that she possibly had some sense of sight. You blinked hard in an effort to dispel the tears from your eyes, the soft ballet music in the background ringing loudly in your ears.

" ...Why did you come down here " she asked, voice softening up at the sound of your desperate attempts to calm yourself down. The sudden compassion in her voice threw you off, if she actually had raw feelings or if this was just a trap to get your guard down, you didn't know. You took a deep breath and straightened your back slightly, trying to regain any dignity you could manage.

"I.. was just trying to find a place to stay the night, I didn't mean to uh- bother you ma'am" you forced the best "I'm not a threat" voice you could, finally managing to not let all your words audibly shake. You slowly lifted your arm to wipe at your eyes, finally feeling like she wouldn't attack you at any second.

The ballerina seemed to mull over your response, as if she was trying to decide if your answer was good enough. She unexpectedly reached her hand towards you, you had to stop yourself from flinching back at the gesture.

" I apologize for scaring you, I was a bit thrown off because there hasn't been a human girl down here since… " her voice trailed off at the end, and you couldn't help but be terrified of what could have happened to the last girl who came down here. You physically shook your head, trying to get the unnerving thoughts out of it.

You gingerly placed your hand on top of hers, the intrusive thought of her immediately crushing your hand staying in the back of your brain despite your best efforts. Her palm was chilled and smooth, you could feel the small ridges in her knuckles and at the bases of her fingers.

" I must confess that I'm not equipped to help you exit, so we require help" she pauses, moving her head down in a pseudo looking down pose. " And if the minireenas give you any trouble please just nudge them away"

Minireenas? You turn your gaze to your feet, feeling a soft poke against your calf. You tried to ignore the flash of anxiety the sight of the dol- minireenas curiously examining your pants brought you. A slow swooping movement of your foot dispelled them, you finally had it in you to smile at the way they hurriedly waddled away, cloth skirts flopping with them.

The ballerina gently wrapped her previously relaxed fingers around your hand, snapping your thoughts back to her. With a slow pull she easily guided you onto uneasy feet, and with that you finally could breathe. You weren't sure if your uneasy alliance with her would end with you alive but you had to try something.

" May I ask what your name is? " You glanced up before realizing how close you were, with your height difference you fit just under her chest. You blushed and stumbled back, retracting your hand from her gentle hold in the process.

"My name is y/n, w-whats yours?"

" My name is Ballora, it's very nice to meet you y/n " The name Ballora was a bit cheesy in your opinion but somehow it fit her. You could see her hesitate for a second before gently placing her hand on the small of your back, trying to test the waters but also needing to lead you around.

"We'll need to enter the Funtime Auditorium to see if one of my friends can help with your situation, feel free to ask questions as you feel fit" Her precise way of speaking soothed you slightly, knowing where you'd go and a clear invite for a conversation made you feel oddly comfortable. The only worry still rattling in your brain was that by "friend" she could either mean another animatronic or a real person, which one? You still weren't sure.

"Oh um… is it okay if I ask why you're down here?" You asked as you finally found your voice. Ballora used the hand on your back to smoothly turn you towards the door.

" Any question is fine, dear. I'm a performing animatronic, we're shipped out for different events and until we're needed, we're kept here " You walked slowly towards the doors, you had to imagine that since she was so large she must have weighed at least several thousand pounds.

"Do you ever get lonely?" You blurted out next, your mind couldn't imagine how isolated she must have been if she only surfaces to entertain.

" I try not to dwell on loneliness, the others also keep me company so in a sense no" she grasped the handle of one of the doors opening it, she let you step ahead and both of you were back in the office. You silently watched as she ducked under the door, only to easily regaining her perfect posture as she headed toward the door opposite to hers.

" I feel I must warn you that there is a very…" Ballora paused clearly trying to find the right words " energetic animatronic that might be present here, please stay by my side so he doesn't accidentally harm you. "

A chill ran down your spine, so there really were animatronics that could kill you down here, what a world. You didn't ignore the fact that she inadvertently implied that she could have potentially hurt you before.

"Oh uh, okay? I do have one more question before we go in" The shake in your voice was back, terrified of what you had to face on the other side but you wanted to at least get your most burning question in.

" Of course dear, what would you like to ask? " Both of you stood in tense silence for a second in front of the other door before you could muster up the strength to speak.

"Can you… see? Like at all?" She cocked her head to a side looking (?) down at you, to your surprise her lips quirked into a smile and a soft giggle erupted from her.

" Oh my you're really inquisitive aren't you? " Ballora teased, " Well I have no sense of sight but my other sensors are heightened so I can pinpoint exact locations with sound "

"Woah, that's actually really cool!" You responded in genuine awe, your cheeks only slightly flushed at her teasing. Maybe she wasn't as terrifying as you originally thought.

" I'm glad you think so dear, now let's get you out of here okay? Please stay close " she paused to make sure you were ready, you nodded before remembering the information you just learned and instead made a noise in confirmation.

She opened the door, walking in first in an effort to evaluate the situation. You walked close behind planting your hands on either sides of her torso, hoping she wouldn't mind. You sucked in a sharp breath around taking in the new environment.

There were smooth tile floors with speckles of what you had to guess was confetti embedded in it, white walls, cheap folding tables and folding chairs. Two stages not too far apart from each other were to your left, one with a microphone and the other with a medal stool.

Your eyes trailed along the thin streamers hung on the top of the wall, they led back to a huge banner saying "WELCOME BACK STAFF". Ballora stopped once she navigated towards the right side of the room,

" Hello gentleman " she said smoothly, you peeked your head out from behind Ballora trying to search for whoever she was talking to. Your eyes widened at the sight of them, they were a fox and a bear. Or maybe a wolf and bear? You weren't sure.

One had a rounder build, not a sharp edge to be found on his plump body. A small top hat sat between his extended ears, a bow tie accenting his chest with a speaker underneath. His mostly white skin (fur?) matched Ballora's but instead of her soft purple accents he was dotted in pink. A blue bunny puppet rested on his arm and both of their eyes were stuck on you, you tried to ignore the way the bear’s jaw dropped at the sight of you or how his face plates shifted in a similar anxious tick as Ballora's.

The animatronic across from him was considerably more feminine, but Ballora had referred to them as gentlemen hadn't she? His face was more defined than the bears, long snout with black freckles. Their chests were about the same, even down to the pink colored belly. The only difference you could tell was their contrast in figure and the fox’s long pink nails.

An extended moment of awkwardness sat heavy in the room, and the fact that they were clearly just in the middle of a conversation made the feeling worse. They glanced at each other before looking back in your direction,

" Well hello Ballora, I didn't know you carried around freeloaders" The fox spoke in a scratchy voice, almost like every word was recorded on an old radio and played back. You stubbornly ignored the warm feeling his voice brought as you tried to avoid eye contact.

" This is a special situation Foxy, I was actually wondering if you coul- " she was cut off by the bear standing up so fast the stool he was sitting on violently fell to the ground.

" HEL-LO BIRTHDAY GIRL!! WE HAVEN'T GOTTEN AN IN HOUSE B-BIRTHDAY I-IN SO L-L-LONG!! " His jittery excitement unsettled you and any comfortable feeling you had was replaced with fear. Unexpectedly, he ran full speed towards you, he was so quick you couldn't even think of doing anything. Your muscles tensed as he rapidly approached.

" Freddy, no " Ballora said sternly as she quickly moved in front of you before he got too close, the movement made you aware how tightly you were gripping onto her in your silent terror. You self-consciously loosened your grasp, hoping she didn't notice how scared you were.

" Freddy! Don't scare her! She's our new friend, we can throw her a party later!" A small voice seemed to try to calm Freddy down, you hadn't seen another animatronic when you'd walked in but then again you hadn't noticed the minireenas so maybe you had just missed one.

" B-But Bon-Bon! We have to cele-brate! She's so sm-all!! We haven't had a friend this sm-all in ages! " You could see his head crane to try to catch a peak of you, but Ballora stood firm.

" Your little rabbit is right Freddy, you really musn't scare the new dame so soon old friend " The sound of the fox speed walking up filled was apparent as he spoke, he seemed to join in on the effort to calm Freddy down.

" But-But! " His voice faltered as he tried to come up with a reason for his outburst. " O-Oh! Fine!" Freddy huffed and you could hear him stomp back to the table.

" It's okay Freddy, she can play with us later, you just have to be patient! We can even have a little special time if you're extra good " You dared to glance out from behind Ballora to search for the tiny voice, your eyes finding prize in the small bunny gently petting at Freddy's face. He seemed to notice you staring at his efforts to calm his friend down and offered a small smile and wave before he returned to his task.

" Y/n? " Ballora asked, turning around and effectively getting you to drop your grasp on her in the process. You hugged yourself to give your hands something to do before you looked up at her.

"Um, yeah?"

" Are you okay? Please let me know if you ever want to go to a more secluded area, I don't wish to overwhelm you" She doted on you, using both of her giant hands to gently cup the sides of your face. Her hands were now surprisingly warm and it only served to make your cheeks unbearably hot as you felt yourself flush.

"Oh! I'm uh- fine! Yeah it wasn't that bad" your voice cracked mid sentence when Ballora's thumbs gently swiped across your cheeks in an agonizingly soft way. Your stomach knotted up as she smiled down at you.

" I'm glad but please don't overheat on me dear " her joking words only served to worsen your blush, but she thankfully let go of your face and turned back to the fox.

" Okay with that resolved, Foxy I do need your help to find a possible exit for Y/N to leave from " You were back to business as soon as the moment passed and you took a step forward to stand beside Ballora.

" Ah, I was afraid you'd ask that, " Foxy answered, a static crackling in his voice. " You see you've just missed your window to leave! Its 12:23 and the elevator and service doors are locked until 6 "

You had to swallow your disappointment, so you were really stuck down here? His words rattled in your head as mild panic flooded your senses, you could barely react as Ballora wrapped her arm around your shoulders.

" Well it's only 6 hours, we just need to find a nice place for us to hide you " Ballora hummed, " how about we start with quick introductions so we can get going? " You pressed into her side in an effort to ground yourself, 6 hours with them couldn’t be all that bad right?

Ballora maneuvered you over to the table Freddy and Foxy were previously sitting at, despite it being the last place you wanted to be you sat down in the middle of her and Foxy. Freddy sat in front of you, artificial eyes shining with uncanny excitement.

" Of course the star of the show must speak first! " You gave up the stare down you were having with Freddy to politely give your attention to Foxy, " my name is Funtime Foxy and I keep this place well entertained! Though I must say once we get you out of here you must return to witness one of my shows doll "

The blush that stained your cheeks was inevitable, whether he was flirting with you or he was just normally this charismatic you didn't know. He bowed before reaching his hand towards you to shake, you shook his hand loosely. Your mind was too preoccupied freaking out over how his hands were somehow bigger than Ballora's, his palm had to be at least the size of your head.

" A-And I'm Funtime Freddy! Me and Bon-Bon also ha-ve a show here! " He stuck out his hand towards you as he bounced in his seat, you hesitate to give up Foxy's steady hold but you relented and carefully gave your hand to him. He immediately gripped your hand hard and shook it firmly, ignoring the wince you gave.

" Freddy! Be gentle! She's a girl remember!" Bon-Bon scolded moving himself down to to use his small paws to manually pry his hand off yours. Freddy pouted but thankfully loosened his grasp on you, Bon-Bon nodded to himself clearly proud of what he accomplished.

" I'm Bon-Bon by the way, I hope you stick around" he offered his small paw towards you, you used your pointer finger and thumb to gently shake his paw. You were pleasantly surprised that unlike the other animatronics he was wrapped in a soft mink fabric.

" So Y/N how'd you get down here? Can't imagine you go down random elevators everyday for fun " Funtime Foxy joked as you let go of Bon-Bon's paw, and straightened in your seat as you tried to regain any valid thoughts.

"I just…" as soon as the words came out of your mouth you deflated, almost as if your social battery died in an instant. The adrenaline pumping through your veins finally slowed down and you fought the feeling of sleepiness. You yawned instead of trying to force out anything else.

" Oh my! I think she might be getting sleepy " Ballora cooed, her demeanor changing as she reached over to pet your thigh, " All this stress must have tired you out huh? " The sudden affection in her voice threw you for a loop, and you stiffened in shock.

"N-No! I'm fine I just-" you didn't have time to finish speaking before she unexpectedly picked you up, one arm placed under your knees the other snug on your back. You squeaked and quickly looped your arms around her neck in an effort to not be dropped, you glanced over at Foxy who just grinned at you.

" Well lucky for you doll I know where the staff hides their blankets! Please follow me ladies, and Freddy stand watch, make sure Baby doesn't come around " Foxy quickly stood up, waving for you and Ballora to follow before Freddy could protest. In a blur of movement you were rushed through the kitchen door in the back of the room,

" Sorry about that dear, we just needed to give Freddy some time to calm down, " Ballora explained when you were safely inside. You stayed silent for a second, confusion filling your senses as you tried to decide if even the sudden affection shown towards you was also used to throw off Freddy.

"Who's… Baby?" You asked after you decided to push that thought to the back of your mind.

" She's… another animatronic here " she seemed to bristle at the sudden question as she seemingly forced that response, as soon as the words filled the air you felt horrible for even asking.

" And she's turned very bitter, it's better if you don't encounter her Y/N " Foxy added in order to quickly end the discussion before turning around and heading towards a door in the back, leaving the room in uncomfortable silence.

"I'm sorry I didn't…"

" It's fine hun, just… stay with us and you'll be safe " You could tell she forced the smile on her face and the light tone she used. You reached a hand up to grasp the side of her face, trying to mimic the way she comforted you before.

Your fingers barely reached the top of her cheek at the angle you were being held, but you did your best to slowly swipe your thumb across the soft purple blush on her cheek. She seemed to appreciate the effort and snuggled into your grasp for a second before turning her head and gently kissing the palm of your hand. A soft blush reappeared on your face, knowing no one would be able to see, you brought your hand down and shamelessly pressed your palm against your cheek as if you could transfer the kiss to it.

" Okay ladies quiet down, I've graciously grabbed you all the blankets that were stashed and even blessed you with a complimentary stuffed animal " Foxy showed off his finds with a raised hand and a bow, then gracefully standing straight and placing everything on your stomach. You laughed slightly at the gesture and reached down to grab the plushy, of course he would pick a Funtime Foxy plush for you to sleep with.

"If it's complimentary then how are you blessing me with it" you teased as you examined the plush.

" Anything I give you is a blessing doll and don't you forget it " He huffed back leaning down slightly to pinch your cheek while still mindful to not poke you in the eye with his nails, you quickly put down the plush and waved his hand away. The three of you laughed, before your eyes finally started to droop.

" Seems like Y/N needs to catch some shut eye! You want me to take her off your hands or are you gonna keep her with you? "

" I think she'll be safe with me, if any problems arise do tell me " Ballora jostled you slightly as she readjusted her grip on you.

" Then I must bid you girls a do. Please make sure to come back before you leave! But I know you'd never miss a chance to say goodbye to your favorite performer " You were about to refute his last claim but were easily silenced by Foxy leaning down to press his snout against your forehead in a chaste peck. The action made you flush darker, instead of giving Foxy the pleasure of seeing your reaction you hid your face in Ballora's shoulder.

" Foxy stop being a tease, we're trying to get her sleepy not riled up " She reprimanded softly as she tried to ignore the swell of feelings your warm face pressed against her caused. Foxy only laughed in response, guiding the both of you to the door.

The walk back to Ballora's Gallery was a blur, you used all the energy you had left to keep your eyes from fully shutting. You could barely make out the shrill voice of Freddy, all his words were unclear and melded into each other but eventually they stopped. Ballora said something to who you had to guess was Foxy but even with her being so close you couldn't make anything out.

You pressed impossibly closer, finding comfort in the soft whirring you could hear as she continued walking. An hour ago the thought of a giant robot carrying you back and forth would have been a nightmare but now you were being hauled off back to sleep by one and you were perfectly content. You hadn't even noticed your eyes closed before a poke to your cheek jostled you.

" I haven't even put you down and you're already asleep? If you were so tired you could have told me "

" 'm not tired" you slurred, bringing a hand up to try to rub the sleep out of your eyes. Ballora chuckled softly at your defiance,

" Okay I believe you " She joked. " But I'm about to put you down so please hold onto your things dear " The words took a second to register but as soon as they did you quickly used your free hand to press the blanket and plush securely against your body. She carefully placed you on your feet, staying close in case your exhaustion got the best of you.

"Where do you want me to set up my blankets?" You murmured as you forced your eyes to focus on your surroundings again. Ballora took a second to think,

" How about the stage? " You hadn't realized she had one until she said something, but a quick squint of your eyes you saw the shadow of a stage tucked into the far corner. You steadied your legs and walked towards it, Ballora following just behind you.

Now that you had time, you could appreciate how mellow the room was with its dark tiles and dusty purple color coating the walls. You walked up to the stage, its twinkling lights blinking on as soon as you were close enough. Her stage was a bit larger than the Funtime's but in a way it was classier with its large arc in the back.

"Your stage is… nice" You wanted to fill the quiet air with some small talk as you stood uselessly in front of the stage. You didn't want to invade her space, but she was inviting you on.

" Thank you, please get comfortable i'll stay in the room if you need me " You nodded and placed your things on top of the stage before pushing yourself up the unnecessarily tall base. Ballora waited patiently as you steadied yourself on your knees before huffing and sorting through your goods.

You'd received one thick blanket and two thin ones, with shaky movements you managed to air out the thick blanket so you could fight off the uncomfortable hard floor. In the meantime, the Minireenas took turns stacking on each other to watch you fluff out the Funtime Foxy plush you were given to use as a pillow.

With everything set up Ballora seemed satisfied and gave you some privacy, you watched quietly as she got onto the tips of her toes and twirled away. You were easily distracted by the realization that you would have to sleep in your normal clothes. It wasn't anything you'd willingly do but you were too tired to worry about it. You laid down on your makeshift mattress and draped the small blankets over you in an attempt to fight off the cold.

Your tiredness was certainly still there but definitely not as strong as when Ballora was carrying you. The AC was loud and the sound was bothering you to the point of staving off sleep. You watched aimlessly as the minireenas crawled up the stage and approached you, their faces less terrifying and now you could confidently say they were growing on you.

One walked up to your face, tilting its head at your expression. You tested your luck and reached out to pet its face with your pointer finger. In response it used its nub hands to experimentally squish your finger, behind you you felt other minireenas examine your hair and sweater. Prodding hands curiously poked at your scalp and picked up strands of hair, others gently tugged the part of your sweater that wasn't under the blanket.

You giggled under their attention, and the minireena you were petting slowly walked up to your face. You dropped your arm as it poked at one of your cheeks, before carefully pressing onto your lips. You weren't sure why they were so curious about you, but they showed no ill intent so you let them examine what they could get to.

Unexpectedly, one minireena crawled under the blanket while you were distracted. It sneaked its small hand under your shirt, the cold nub pressing against your warm skin made you squeak loudly.

"Hey! Don't do that-" you reached back to wave it off but the other ran away at the loud noise. You forgot how easily they were dispelled and they all ran off, jumping off the stage and flopping away. You pouted at the sudden loss of attention, letting out a long sigh as you snuggled into the plushie under your head.

" Are you alright Y/N? " Ballora called out, spinning her way back towards the stage.

"Yeah yeah I'm fine, just… can't sleep" It was only a half lie, you didn't want to tell her that you stupidly ran off the only source of comfort you had at that moment.

" Well you sure had a tough time staying awake when I was carrying you honey " She teased as she stepped onto the stage, catching you off guard " Would you like me to keep you company? "

You blushed bright red at the question, laying in stunned silence as she slowly walked up to you. You averted your eyes when you got a full view under her skirt, despite her just having another smooth plate where her crotch should be, you had the decency to not stare.

"...Could you?" You asked quietly as you fought off the warmth blooming in your chest, the smile that Ballora gave you didn't help your case. She carefully knelt down before delicately sliding onto her side next to you, you had to imagine laying down wasn't something she did often.

She extended her arms towards you and you quickly shuffled into her hold. She easily wrapped both hands around you and pulled you close, nestling you against her neck so she could nose through your hair.

" It's been so long since I've been able to hold someone like this… " Ballora lamented, " But please tell me if you're uncomfortable or if I squeeze you too hard " you chuckled softly before wrapping your free arm around her torso. You would have used your other arm but for fear that she'd crush it under her weight you kept it squished between the two of you.

"Can you actually smell?" You asked after a beat of silence, curiosity getting the best of you.

" Yes, I'm not completely sure the reason why. My guess is that we need it in case somethings on fire " she absent-mindedly rubbed circles into your back, sectioned fingertips stopping when they reached exposed skin. A devious thought popped in your head, and to your half awake mind seemed it like a good thing to follow through on.

"How… well can you feel" You pressed your burning face against her neck as your rational mind caught up with you why were you flirting with the robot?

" I have a very heightened feeling of touch, I mostly experience my world through sound but it's nice to map it out in other ways too " She whispered that part to you like it was a secret just between the two of you, but by her tone it was obvious she either didn't catch onto your insinuation or chose to ignore it.

" Of course she wouldn't react, she's a robot! Get your head out of the gutter " you chastised yourself as she gently massaged your lower back, slow movement lulling you to sleep. Your embarrassment dissipated as soon as it came and you closed your eyes, finally giving in to your tiredness.

The last thing you heard was Ballora softly humming a tune, sleep came easily when you were pressed into her warm form. You came down here to get away, and maybe you did. Being cuddled by a giant machine with unsettling sentience was worlds better than anything you experienced above ground.

~~~~~~~~~

" Y/N " Ballora tried whispering, slightly shaking you. " Y/N you have to get up, this is important " Her words felt like they were under water, barely audible to your groggy mind. In response you groaned slightly trying to wrap yourself back up in blankets, you felt like you barely got any sleep.

" Y/N " She snapped sitting you up in a quick motion, blood rushed to your head and your eyes finally snapped open at her sharp words. You pushed away slightly with a whine, your mind not yet understanding the urgency in her voice.

" Y/N, honey, I'm sorry for waking you up but I need you to do something for me " She tried to keep the both of you calm, but the edge to her voice finally registered.

" She's here, she cannot see you. She won't let you leave if she finds you, you have to understand that Y/N " A pit of dread was planted in your stomach and you only nodded your head, " There's a vent right next to the stage, pull the frame off and crawl through. I'll distract her but you need to move quickly, go find Foxy. "

You swallowed sharply, your mind racing as you tried both processing the information you just received and getting up from your cozy cocoon . Is she talking about Baby? Why won't Baby let you leave if you're found? Ballora quickly stood up and took you with her.

With a quick but stern push she got you closer to the vent and handed you your things, trying to get any evidence of you hidden. In the short time you've known her you'd never seen Ballora more anxious and it was throwing you for a loop. You quickly stepped off the stage and found the vent, your fingers gripping the channels before pulling.

It came off with minimal effort, you pushed your blankets in front of you before you glanced back at Ballora. She stayed "staring" in your direction, faceplates anxiously shifting as she waited for you to exit. You swallowed your anxiety and crawled into the vent, where did it even lead?

A small sound clued you in that Ballora closed the vent hood behind you, while the vent wasn't an extremely close fit you still had no room to turn around and check. A small huff escaped your lips as you took a second to try to calm yourself down, soft music fading away as Ballora twirled away.

You abruptly heard the doors to Ballora's Gallery slam open, heavy footsteps following and all you could do was freeze in fear. You didn't move in the case she has heightened hearing like Ballora, but you didn't think Ballora would send you to crawl in such a rickety vent if that was the case.

" Ballora " A voice called out, Baby's voice was much too soft for what you expected. Despite that it sent a chill down your spine.

" ...Baby, " Ballora answered in the same tone.

" Are you hiding someone from me, Ballora? " Her calm voice seemed more threatening than soothing, as if she was more calculated in her malice.

" Nobody's come in here since this evenings maintenance "

" Well, Freddy says otherwise "

" Freddy always mistakes mice and other things for humans, we've been made aware of this fact time and time again " Your hands were shaking but the fear of getting caught made you quietly move forward, stopping every time you moved to push your things along.

" Then you wouldn't mind if I examined your room would you? " Baby asked, her voice now muffled as you finally reached the other side of the vent. Sweat ran down your back despite the cool metal pressing against your clothes, you hooked your fingers on the channels of the opening and prayed to God that it wouldn't make a noise when you pushed.

You gave it a soft push and it came off silently, you placed it leaning on the wall next to the opening. Your mind was racing, you'd made it this far by yourself now you just had to get to Foxy. The blankets and plushy fell to the ground with a small shove and you crawled out with them, being extremely mindful to not bump the vent cover.

You could finally sit upright and catch your breath, you had to guess you were back in the office now just under the desk. The closed doors of the elevator mocking you, as if asking why you couldn't have just gone somewhere with less high stakes and a lower chance of dying via robot. You physically shook your head to clear your thoughts again, you're not dead yet! Might as well make the most of it.

You quickly pressed the vent cover back on before deciding on where to head next. Another vent was on the opposite side, but the doors to the Funtime Auditorium seemed like a safer bet since you weren't sure where you'd end up if you took the vents. With a quick scoop, your things were in your hands and you were hyping yourself up to run to the door.

You inched forward before bolting towards the door, pulling the door open while still being mindful to not create too much noise. You slowed down to a jog as soon as you entered the room and you quickly spotted both Funtimes.

" -didn't me-an t-t-to! I-I was just so ex-cited! " Freddy seemed choked up to the point of making you wonder if he could cry. He dragged a hand across his face while Bon-Bon said something so quiet you couldn't discern.

" It doesn't matter if you meant it or not Freddy! If Baby finds Y/N I'm gonn- " Foxy abruptly stopped chewing him out at the door shutting behind you, both of them jumping at the sound. They seemed relieved at the sight of you,

" Well speak of the devil " Foxy joked, clearly trying to laugh off his prior mood. " Great timing Y/N! You're just in time to catch the hide-away express "

You finally stopped your slow trot when you were close enough, trying to surpress your own anxiety. Unexpectedly, he swooped down to give you a hug. The mechanical sound of his tail wagging filled the room.

" Y/N! I-I'm so gl-ad you're okay, I'm sorry! " You hugged back before glancing over at Freddy, not sure what to say. You couldn't reassure him that what he did wasn't his fault, whatever words he spoke could have gotten you killed.

Foxy raised his head and threw a quick glare Freddy's way while you averted your eyes at the tense atmosphere. You didn't want to take sides so you kept your mouth shut. Foxy straightened himself as quickly as he came down, turning you so you were facing the kitchen.

" I'm going to go stash her somewhere, if Baby comes back say I'm in parts and service " His stern voice got both you and Freddy back to the task at hand. Freddy nodded with a frown, and you couldn't help but feel bad for him. He seemed to be programmed to be very jumpy and excitable giving him a stark personality compared to Ballora and Foxy.

Before you had time to go too far into those thoughts, Foxy placed a hand on your back and rushed you to the kitchen. You had to jog to keep up with his pace as he easily directed you past the cabinets to two doors tucked in the back.

" I would find you a better place to hide in Parts and Service but all the BidyBabs like to hang around there so we must make do with the closet " He seemed to catch your questioning stare and continued,

" BidyBabs are like Ballora's minireenas but they look more like baby dolls. Since Baby and Ballora have their own areas they needed extra company " You nodded along as he opened the door for you to enter. The small space lined with shelves for storage, the only empty wall space was just above a short shelving unit and was decorated with a poster.

"Circus Baby's Pizza World" was written in big bold letters just under a picture of Ballora, Funtime Foxy, Funtime Freddy, and… The last one you had to guess was Baby, red pigtails and nose making her look akin to a clown. You ignored how unsettling the picture of her was by fiddling around to find a place to put your things up.

" They were on the top shelf doll, here let me help you " He stepped forward, dodging the hanging light to grab the blankets from you. You inched back, both of you couldn't comfortably be in such a small space. Well not without invading each other's personal space that is.

You half sat on the short shelves behind you, back hitting the scratchy brick wall. Foxy paused his organizing to examine the small plushie he'd given you. He seemed a bit hesitant to place it back in its box,

" How about you hold onto this? Wouldn't want you having nothing to keep you busy" You nodded, face only getting warmer as he got closer to hand the stuffed animal to you. You busied yourself by dragging your fingers over the soft material.

"How… long do you want me to stay in here?" Foxy seemed surprised at your question, like he hadn't thought about it, he placed a finger on his chin in an exaggerated thinking pose.

" Ah well I could just leave you alone, but where’s the fun in that? I’d say we have some time to spare before we must part ways" He leaned over you, close, too close. He easily placed both hands on either side of you, the shelf groaning slightly in protest as he leaned his weight on it.

" How about I keep you company? " It was such a simple question but he whispered it so close to your ear, faux breathing surprising you. Your death grip on the plushy only increases as he sniffs what he can reach of your neck, cold nose momentarily pressing against your overheated skin.

He paused, looking over at you as he waited for your response. Your brain was frazzled from the moment he got close, you closed your eyes and stubbornly pressed your legs together.

"Could you…?" As hot and bothered his presence got you, you were too embarrassed to directly answer him. He gave a gleaming smile full of sharp teeth,

" Of course I can sweetheart! Now sit still, won't you? I think I'm gonna have my fun with you " You helplessly stared at the closed door opposite to you, the danger of Baby coming to look for you was still lingering but if Foxy was acting so calm you had to trust him.

He quickly got on his knees in front of you, the elevation of the shelf you were on giving you a fighting chance to not look so tiny compared to the huge animatronic. Large hands were placed on your waist, fingers easily lifting the hem of your sweater.

" You didn't wear a shirt under here? Naughty, Naughty, what am I going to do with you? " Foxy scolded, dragging your sweater up as a silent request for you to take it off. You forced your fingers to relax around the poor plushy you were holding to be able to take it off.

You weren't sure why you were so eager to let him see you but his calming energy made you agreeable with whatever he suggested. With shaking hands, you dropped your sweater to the side, going back to holding the plushy so your hands had something to do. Foxy seemed pleased with the motion and went back to exploring your torso.

Long nails traced your ribs, leaving shallow indents in their wake. His hands easily shifted upwards gently to fondle your boobs, squeezing them together experimentally.

" Humans are so soft and squishy " He noted out loud, " I've never felt something like this, do tell me if I'm too rough " The fact that he was pushing all your buttons while still being inexperienced made you somehow even warmer.

He didn't seem to mind your frazzled silence as he continued to feel you up. He unknowingly rolled his palms your nipple, making you let out a soft moan before you snapped your mouth closed. His head tilted at the sound before he delicately pinched at the area, his face lighting up impossibly brighter at the louder moan he earned.

" How about you take this pesky garment off? It isn't fair you're the only one wearing clothes " Foxy jokes, choosing not to react to how your thighs shifted against him.

"How do you even know what to do?" You surprisingly got the words out even if they were barely above a whisper. You fumbled with the clasps on your bra, unbuckling them before you could second guess yourself.

" Our creator made us with the idea that we could also host adult parties in mind, that was before Baby came along " You paused as you were attempting to slip off your bra, the thought that Ballora actually caught your flirting and instead chose not to act on it flooding your brain. You put the thought into the back of your mind before you finally slipped your bra off.

Foxy easily changed his focus back to your body, hands going back to their original places but this time thumbs rolled over your nipples. He seemed to revel in the loud moan that you let out before you quickly slapped a hand over your mouth, not trusting yourself to keep them in anymore.

" Do you want us to get caught, doll? " He gave another long roll of his thumbs, " Keep quiet or I'll have to give you something to help " His threat made a shiver run down your spine, whoever programmed him was seriously going to burn in hell for this.

He stopped his assault on your chest to finally push your thighs open and unbuckle your pants, dragging them off in a too self assured motion and your shoes were discarded just as easily. His fingers danced along the edge of the fabric of your panties, taking in the soft cotton.

" Jeez I've barely touched you and you've already ruined your underwear? " He gave a purposeful press of his knuckle against where the majority of your slick had pooled. In an instant you nearly forgot any prior conflict as you pathetically buckled under his touch.

Foxy thumbed the panties to the side, making you squirm at the feeling of your slick being sloppily spread with the motion. Your brain was so fuzzy with lust that you didn't even mind how he took it upon himself to uncover yourself to him.

" God I wish I could taste you, you smell so good sweetheart" You figured that they had no logistical need to taste, but if they were programmed with acute senses how hard would it have been to give them the ability to taste? You were dragged out of your thoughts as Foxy continued his exploration of your body.

He swiped a smooth finger across your folds, catching you off guard as he gathered your slick on it. You whined as the tip of his finger finally pressed against your entrance, the barest hint of pressure applied. You'd only ever put your own fingers inside yourself so the thought of his huge digits inside you made you tremble in anticipation.

" I'll go slow just for you, after all you are my number one fan, hun " Foxy seemed to enjoy teasing you, you tried to swallow your anxiety. The first person you'd even let touch you in a sexual way is going to be an animatronic, and you're willingly letting it happen. You'd hoped your first time would be magical but being fingered in a closet wasn't too much of a downgrade.

He finally pressed a finger inside of you, the feeling more uncomfortable than what you'd expected. His finger was easily the size of two of yours and much longer. Despite your lack of noise when he finally gave you what you had wanted, he gently pumped the digit in and out.

" See you're just begging to have someone fill you up huh? You're just in need of your favorite performer to take care of you right? " He seemed excited to both praise himself but still make it clear that you enjoyed his presence. The mixed signals flip flopped in your muddled brain as his fingering finally got pleasurable.

Foxy's thumb finally sneaked up and pressed against your throbbing clit, making you sob out a muffled moan. He pressed a second finger inside before curling them and the only way you could describe the feeling was as if you felt was a strike of electricity coursing through your veins.

Warmth pooled in your stomach as you tried to process the onslaught of pleasure that finally hit you. Your thighs snapped around his arm but were easily parted with his free hand as his fingering slowed down.

"Foxy…" You whined, voice still shaky as you tried thrusting yourself on his digits

" That's my name, doll! Don't wear it out " Foxy responded, his ever confident smile never leaving his face and he stopped your movements with a strong hand on your hips.

" Now I don't want you to wear yourself out so fast, how about we move on to the real fun? " He knew what he was doing right? You tried to calm yourself down, you genuinely hadn't expected him to allude to actually having sex. You glanced down just in time to watch his ears wiggle in anticipation,

"O-Okay" was all you had to offer as an answer. He leaned forward to press a kiss on your stomach and with an embarrassing squelch his fingers were pulled out. You quietly placed your plushy to the side making sure it was looking away, feeling bad that it even had to be here.

Foxy easily got back onto his feet, unexpectedly pulling you closer to him with a grip on your thighs. Your thighs spread an almost uncomfortable amount for him to step in between them. With your crotches leveled in this position, you scratched your nails into the shelf below you in anticipation.

A soft mechanical whirring filled your senses and your eyes snapped down as a phallic pink dido slowly poked out of his shifting crotch panel. You had half a thought to laugh at the unexpected reveal until you noticed it just kept going. The surprisingly warm tip pressed into your skin just under your belly button.

"I don't- I don’t think that's gonna fit '' You whispered, half panicked as you looked up. Foxy's smile dropped slightly at your lack of eagerness, expression turning into something more tender.

" We don't have to, dear. I'm only here to make you feel good " He leaned forward to wrap his hands around you and rest his chin on your shoulder, ignoring the squeak you let out when his dick accidentally pressed on your clit during the movement.

" I could just finish you off with my fingers, I won't do anything you don't want me to" His kind words would have had more of an impact on your judgment if the position you were in didn't have both of your sexes pressed together just so. You wrapped your arms around his neck to hug back, your own arousal spiking despite his caring sentiment.

"I… wouldn't mind if we kept going" It couldn't hurt to try would it? He pulled back slightly to study your expression,

" Don't feel pressured to do this, I can put it away it isn't that big of a de- "

"I want to do this Foxy" you said confidently, finally managing to catch his stare. He let out a small surprised static noise before finally regaining his smile.

" Well you don't have to tell me twice, if you ever want to stop, don't be afraid to say so " He peppered warm kisses all over your face as if to praise you for your new found confidence, all you could do was giggle and gently push his snout away.

Foxy easily stepped back and regained his hold under your knees, angling his hips just enough to let the tip of his cock press against your opening. You shivered and leaned back, letting your head hit the wall behind you as you attempted to brace yourself.

" Now I must warn you, if you end up loving my cock more than a human's I'm not liable " His static voice faltered slightly as he continued to try to boast but you could feel a glob of precome(?) drip out from him. You adjusted your arms into a more comfortable position on his shoulders before looking up with a questioning look.

" That's just lube, doll. You're clearly already wet enough but it wouldn't hurt to have some more stuffed in you right? " You flustered particularly hard at that sentence and your only response was to just close your eyes with a huff. A distorted chuckle left Foxy at your reaction but he chose not to push any further.

Instead he finally let the head of his cock enter you, knocking the breath out of your lungs with it. He was bigger than you'd even imagined, your walls stretching almost unbearably as you tried to fit him. He kept shifting into you until you were finally pressed against the opening on his crotch panel.

You barely even noticed the long moan you let out but as soon as you caught yourself you bit down on your lip. You'd never felt so entirely full before, his dick greedily pressing against everything it could.

" Tell me when you're ready " He murmured, somewhat out of breath at the feeling of your warm walls gripping onto him. You experimentally moved in a slight up and down action to try to gauge your own reaction.

A slight dull pain was all you could feel, despite all the prior stretching it didn't compare to how massive he truly was. But despite that you heard Foxy growl slightly, you opened your eyes to find he’d closed his. He seemed to be trying very hard to hold back any movements and the through of that sent a shock of lust through your body.

"Please move" You whispered still out of breath, mild pain be damned because the only thing you wanted right now was him. He let out a dark chuckle before meeting your eyes,

" You need to be more specific doll, tell me what do you want ol' Funtime Foxy to do?" His sudden change of tone made you shiver, he really was made for this. Despite how eager you just were, the words got stuck in your throat. You had to take a deep breath before you could even try to speak.

"Please…" You paused with a deliciously pained look as your squeezed the words out, " fuck me Foxy" Foxy grinned ear to ear at your vulgar words before doing as he was told.

His thrusts started slow and shallow, just enough movement that made you keen with want. Your brain was quickly reduced to a pile of mush as soon as he started to speed up. At this angle he could easily press against all the right places and all you could do was mewl and dig your nails into his shoulders.

" I'm going to fill you up Y/N, but you'd like that wouldn't you? You want to be pumped full of my cum. Just such a sweet girl, didn't even stop me from moving her drenched panties " He huffed right next to your ear, pulling you closer as he moved impossibly faster. " Now I'm going to make sure to take care of you doll. I'll stuff you full just how you want "

The words were so loud in your head but they only half registered, yet that was still more than enough to make you moan out. You pressed your face on his overheated metal as you curled in on yourself, forgetting your promise to stay quiet when he sneaked a hand between both of you to firmly rub your clit.

Your legs uselessly clamped around his form as they were finally released from his hold, and your pooling pleasure finally tipped you over the edge. The feeling was like a tense string finally snapping and a wave of euphoria crashing over you instantaneously.

Your mind was foggy, trying to reel itself back to reality as overstimulation finally hit you. Foxy continued to fuck into you so he could fulfill his promise. You whined as he continued to use you to finish, tears steadily forming in the corners of your eyes.

Thankfully he soon let up, pressing in as deep as he could go before finally emptying out what you had to assume was just more lube into you. The feeling of the thick liquid inside of you made you squirm, especially as it overfilled and slowly trickled down your thighs, but your mind was too disoriented to quite care. Your prior tiredness obviously catching up to you after such a mind numbing experience.

Foxy gently rubbed your back in an effort to comfort you without overwhelming you any more. You stayed in his arms with droopy eyes for a solid couple of minutes before he carefully pushed you off his cock with a wet sound that you would have normally been embarrassed of if you weren’t too busy trying not to fall over.

You let your shoulders meet the wall behind you, trying to catch your breath as lube slowly spewed out of you. The sound of Foxy tucking his dick under his crotch plate filled the room, but he busied himself with grabbing hand towels from a box on the shelf.

He hummed a tune as he got back onto his knees to gently wipe down your thighs and the shelf under you. The microfiber tickled your senses but you kept your mouth shut to let your mind recover. When he finally got to your crotch he paused,

" How about you also keep these on as a memento from me to you" Foxy gently hooked his thumb under the fabric to pull it away, taking great joy in the translucent lube that smeared on the way. With feather light touches he wiped up the bare minimum amount of lube from your panties and puffy folds, laughing at the half hearted glare you gave him when he pressed his thumb into you just to watch the cum gush out again.

" I'm just cleaning you up sweetheart no need to be so dirty minded " He teased before moving your now only mildly soiled underwear back to the right place. He wiped his hands before grabbing the other towel to reach up and wipe your damp face, not without pausing to boop your nose of course.

He discarded the towels in a box, you felt bad for the poor souls who’d uncover those. Your barely cohesive thoughts were cut off when he handed you your clothes and shoes, getting up to give you some space.

You slipped everything back on, trying to pat your clothes down to make sure you didn't look as fucked out as you felt. Your legs felt like jello but you also felt a sense of satisfaction so the mild discomfort was worth it. Foxy extended a hand towards you with a smile,

" What kind of gentleman would I be if I didn't walk my favorite dame out? " You laughed before grabbing your plushie and his hand. You were easily pulled onto your feet only to hold onto Foxy for dear life as your knees buckled under you.

"You're not a very considerate gentleman if you put me in this predicament in the first place" You gritted out in an effort to distract yourself from any embarrassment.

" Well I wasn’t the one who asked to be fucked so I must say your argument is weak " Despite his teasing words he patiently waited for you to gain stable footing.

" By now Ballora must have gotten Circus Baby out of her room so do allow me to -" As if on cue a loud thump sounded in the room next to you, making both of you freeze.

" Stupid! Stupid! I didn't actually mean kill a rat! Biddybab I- Ew! Don't bring it closer! " Baby's voice was muffled, her footsteps running away making any other words spoken inaudible. Foxys hold on you tightened,

" Seems I'm mistaken, no worries! " His voice had a nervous shake that unsettled you. " I need to go wave her back to her room so she doesn't go snooping around anymore, you need to go back to Ballora’s room"

"Are you sure? What if she isn't-"

" Then you'll come back here and get Freddy, just please move quickly. I promise you’re safe dear " He leaned down for another quick hug but you couldn't help but feel terrified. If both Foxy and Ballora are this scared of Baby, how bad was she?

You nodded, waiting in chilling silence as he went to peek his head out the door once he opened it. You followed him out the door, ignoring the dull ache between your legs as you closed it behind you. Foxy ushered you back into the kitchen before offering you a wave as he disappeared through another door.

And just like that you were alone, brain trying to process the series of events that just unfolded as you leaned against the fridge. One moment feeling warm and loved and the next being rushed away for your own safety. But you really couldn't be upset by it, you just sighed and accepted your situation.

Getting right back to your objective, you attempted speed walking but the underlying soreness between your legs stopped that in a couple seconds. You dug your nails into your palm, trying to limp as inconspicuously as possible as you finally entered into the Funtime Auditorium.

" O-oh! You're back! Me and B-Bon-Bon were starting worried! " You heard Freddy before you saw him and had to physically stop yourself from making a face. You had to say out of all the animatronics you've met so far he was your least favorite, besides the one who's actively trying to kill you of course.

"Yeah! Um Foxy just sent me to go back to Ballora's room" You continued your walk to the door that led to the office, Freddy clearly not getting the memo as he jogged to catch up with you from the stage.

" Where's Fo-xy? What took you g-uys so long? " He stood in front of you with a skeptical look on his face, not understanding the rush you were in.

"He went to go make sure Baby wasn't going to come back" You hurriedly responded, "And me and Foxy were just… talking"

" See Freddy, everything's fine! Y/N isn't hurt, she just reaaaaally needs to go with Ballora " Bon-Bon piped up, he reached up to calm his friend. You just nodded and you anxiously gripped onto your Foxy plush.

" Th-en let me walk you over there! I'm going to be a ge-ntleman! Just like Fo-oxy " Pure excitement emanated from his words but all you could feel was underlying fear, helplessly watching as he giddily got closer.

"No No! You don't have to, I'll just go by myself!" Your words fell on deaf ears as he pulled you close with one arm. His frankly overbearing presence unnerved you, obviously not one to take no for an answer.

" Foxy's go-ing to be so s-s-so proud of me! " Freddy babbled on as he walked you over to the door, Bon-Bon peeked out from the other side of Freddy to look at you with a " I'm sorry about him " expression. You gave a small smile back, stumbling slightly as you tried to keep up with him. The three of you were back in Ballora's Gallery in record time, Freddy looking around in the dim light.

" Oh go-osh she's not here! Wh-at are we going to do Y/N? " His voice turned weirdly petulant and it took you off guard, you swallowed down any fear and looked up at him.

"We could just sit and wait" Your words shook slightly as you willed yourself to stay calm.

" I w-was just thinking the sa-me thing! " Freddy seemingly snapped back to normal just as fast as he changed. You made a protesting sound as he lifted you up with one hand around your torso, watching sadly as your plushy slipped out of your grasp and fell to the floor. He walked you over to the nearest wall before sitting down and placing you on his lap, wrapping you up in a snug hug.

" G-Gosh I really missed huging people! Ki-ids don't come around here anymore and the workers don't care enough " He bemoaned, his speaker rumbled against your back as he pulled you against it. Your thighs protested having to spread around his legs but you ignored it when he squeezed his arms around you.

You felt a wave of regret wash over you, he must have not being unnerving on purpose he seemed to just be so touch starved so he jumped at the opportunity to get to you. He placed his large head on your shoulder causing you to crane your own head to the side in order to accommodate him.

"I'm okay with hugs Freddy just… please ask me before okay?" He just makes a noise in confirmation before closing his eyes. You sneaked your hand up to pet his cheek. He smiles wide at the touch but otherwise says nothing, and in an unexpected move Bon-Bon shifts closer to press a small kiss to your cheek.

" You're awful pre-ety Y/N, did you know that we haven't had a gi-rl down here in ne-arly t-t-two wh-ole years? " His voice rumbled through your torso, Freddy was pleasantly quiet and you were grateful for that. You hummed a surprised noise so he knew you were listening, finally relaxing your back into him.

“ We’ve been closed for parties for soooo lon-g, only technicians can come down here and there’s not even one girl amo-ng them! Can you believe that y/n.? ” For once that night you felt at ease with Freddy, his quiet rambling lulling your senses. “Wow really?” You quietly remarked, happy to entertain his story.

“ Yeah, really!! And a-and in two weeks the staff comes back! It was supposed to be next week but Baby got into a scrap with a technician and it got pushed back. Bu-ut we’ll get to preform for real again! It’s been ages since our last real performance ” you offered a small noise in response before closing your eyes, blissfully unaware of Freddy's eyes opening to eagerly trace your body.

“ It’s also been ages since we’ve had s-ome real fun too… You’d think having the faci-lity all to yourself would be exciting but the fun of sneaking around staff to get so-ome… stress relief was really what made it fun. ” Your eyes slotted open as your confusion got the better of you, the slowly deeper tone Freddy adopted as he continued talking didn’t offer any clarification. “ The closest any of us have gott-en to that recently was that little stunt you and Foxy pulled, fucking in a closet isn’t exactl-y allowed ”

" Y’know I'm only a li-ittle sad that Foxy got to you first " His eyes watched your face burn red, " But I al-so don't mind slo-oppy seconds though " His voice ringed with so much glee as your mind started racing, how did he know you'd had sex? How much had he seen?

Your panicked thoughts cut off as Freddy's hand slowly slid to your thigh and groped it, cold fingertips digging into your flesh as he delighted in the shiver you gave. His hands impatiently trailed up and down before sliding over your crotch.

"F-Freddy we really shouldn't- Ballora's probably coming back and-" He grinded his palm right against your crotch, effectively shutting you up. You gave a small moan and tried to push his hand away but he easily overpowered you.

" Ballora re-ally like likes you, I saw her " He chuckled at his own words, " I'm sure she'd be m-ore than happy to see you so worked up " Dammit that was your last logical reason to stop but you still didn't want to give in, at least for your dignity's sake. You weren't sure if it was ethical to get fucked by one let alone two robots.

His hand moved up to clumsily unbutton your pants, nearly ripping them and your underwear off all together. You kneeled up higher as your lust finally got the best of you, one more couldn't hurt right? He pulled you up so you were kneeling on his smooth thighs, pants and panties pooled around your knees as you just braced yourself against his forearms.

You were in far too deep now, you wanted to at least think up one more reason to fight him off but you were too turned on to care anymore. Thick fingers traced your folds, exploring your sensitive parts with reckless abandon.

" Foxy wan-ted you to stay all di-irty down the-ere right? I don't thi-nk he'd mind if I filled you up again" You could hear the smile in his voice but you squeezed your eyes shut in defiance. The arm that had Bon-Bon on it shifted to gently hold your midsection, trying to hold you still and keep you from slipping off his thighs.

Freddy's fingers ignored your aching clit, instead opting to stick two of his fingers deep inside you in one go. You jumped at the intrusion, tears welling up at the rough treatment.

" S-Sorry I thought y-ou were looser " Was all Freddy gave in response, not even bothering to take one finger out. He rubbed at your clit in an apology, and a moan itched at your throat from the pressure despite your earlier pain.

Bon-Bon swiveled in your direction, gently patting at the stray tear that fell. As turned on as you felt you had to admit Freddy definitely wasn't as skilled as Foxy, sloppy digits moving only to stretch instead of pleasure. He prematurely took out his fingers, and the sound of his crotch plate shifting aside filled the room.

" I'll be e-xtra gentle with you! Do-ont worry! " Freddy sing songs, his dick does the same slow exit as Foxy's did but this time you could feel it immediately press against your entrance. You grind down slowly in an effort to regain any friction, not missing the slight growl that Freddy gave.

He was clearly desperate to move on to the part where both of you could feel the most pleasure, emphasis on both. He eases up his hold on you to clamp his hand on your hip and slowly maneuvering you down his shaft, tears reappearing at the sharp burn. He was much thicker than Foxy at the expense of being shorter than him, but despite this your eyes snap open and you feel overwhelmingly full.

Freddy let out a low groan when you finally slipped all the way down, your knees hitting the floor as you tried to remember how to breathe. He experimentally thrust into you in a shallow movement and your face distorted in pain.

" So-rry! Again! I dont want to hu-urt you, you ju-st feel so g-go-od! " His last word was garbled up when you clenched at the compliment. You scan around the scarcely lit room for something to distract yourself with but it was empty, not even a minireena toddled around.

" You like it when I say h-ow go-od you feel do-ont you? " Freddy taunted, " Ballora's gonna lo-ve you Y/N, you're so cu-te and grip o-nto my cock so tight~ " The praise immediately went to your crotch when he shifted slightly again. His hand finally moved down to feel around where your crotches were connected.

" Ho-w about we play a g-game? " His hand finally found your clit, giving it a fleeting touch before traitorously inching back up. You let a soft whine,

"W-What do you want to play?" Your voice trembled as you tried not to move.

" I'll fu-ck you really de-ep and soft but you ca-an't cum before Ballora c-omes back and lets yo-u " He laughed at his own harsh words, " If you be-g me to touch you i'll w-in"

A warmth flooded your senses at the thought of Ballora touching you, the rules were simple enough and the stakes weren't too high right? You were mainly excited to have the chance to see Ballora again, you yearned for her soothing aura.

"That seems a little unfair Freddy" You huffed, "But let's do it" He grinned widely at how out of breath you already were but still nodded against you. Thankfully he moved slowly, easily lifting you just a little with one hand before letting you slide back down.

All you had to do was hold back until she came back! That's easy enough, but the thought that it might take her a while to get back struck you hard as Freddy shifted under you with a groan and your body lit up with pleasure. You did your best to relax into him, letting him move however he wanted.

" Jeez you're just gon-na sit back and let me u-se you? You're not very fun! " You gave a half hearted glare at the comment, delicately rapping your knuckles against the side of his face.

"Well I'd help you out more but since you wanna play a game I can't" You shot back while he laughed at the feeble punches you gave him. Freddy pushed his hips into you, effectively dismantling your demeanor as another moan got the best of you.

" I don't mind it! You lo-ok real cute bouncing on my cock even if you aren't try-ing " Once Freddy learned what made you tick he seemed to never forget, in response you closed your eyes and turned away from him. You were already worked up, anymore and you were sure to lose.

You tried to focus on something else, biting your lip to keep any embarrassing sounds down as Freddy continued to slowly thrust into you. Thankfully he stopped making his occasional comments but it came at the price of having his warm breath right next to your sensitive neck.

The reason they were even designed with any sort of breathing was lost on you but you suspected it must have been some kind of way to prevent overheating. Your thoughts were scrambled once again as he finally started to thrust harder into you.

" It's okay if you lose Y/N! It won’t be that bad, promise " Bon-Bon whispered to you, you'd forgotten he was even there but the sentiment was nice. His soft paw continued to pet your face in an effort to comfort you. You finally managed a smile, opening your eyes to find him smiling back.

The next few minutes went by in a blur, pleasure steadily building up despite your own efforts. Freddy seemed to be genuinely enjoying himself as he kept up a punishing pace. Would not cumming even be worth it at this point? You'd stop keeping count of the seconds that passed by and now you were closer than ever, debating all your past decisions.

As if Freddy was reading your mind he slowed down, stopping almost as if he was taking pity on you. Half of you wanted him to keep going, but you were silently grateful. Freddy laughed quietly as he watched you squirm at the lack of movement.

" I'm gonna give you a bre-ak, you're about to pop! " He laughed even harder, " Ballora might take a while, why don't you just gi-ive in? I might not st-op next time~ " You didn't understand what he found so hilarious about the situation he'd put you in but you just nodded and tried to calm yourself down.

Your clit ached for attention and you were genuinely debating on taking him up on his offer. You studied his expression, his massive antsy smile making you itch to wipe it off his face.

"I'm gonna beat you Freddy" You muttered through gritted teeth, his smile getting impossibly bigger at your harsh breaths. He quickly started up again, taking your taunting words more seriously than you'd expected.

Your head once again got fuzzy with pleasure and soft moans left your lips, and minutes passed too slowly yet much too fast. Tears filling your vision as you tried to stave off your orgasm, now regretting the boasting you'd attempted to do. Your brain was ready to try to form a cohesive thought and beg for Freddy to touch you when a door finally opened.

You blinked your tears away as Freddy abruptly stopped his movements. Ballora walked in as oblivious as ever with a trail of minireenas just behind her. You wanted to call out to her immediately but the words died in your throat when Freddy unexpectedly started moving again.

" Jeez Ballora what to-ook you so long? He asked, unabashedly still using you even if it mortified you.

" Freddy…? What are you doing? Is Y/N with you? " Worry filled her voice as she got closer, you wanted to say something to her but all you could let out was an embarrassingly wanton moan at a particularly hard thrust.

" Y/N's right here! The-re's no need to worry, I've got her sa-fe and warm! She was even sweet enough to wa-rm up my cock for me " You stared at the ground in shame, silence filling the room except for the constant shlick shlick of Freddy driving himself into you. Ballora stood in shock for a second and you were sure if she could blush she'd be the same shade of red as you were.

She silently started her stride again, quickly getting to you before carefully sliding to kneel in front of you. Freddy thankfully dropped his grip on your torso, letting you freely move. Ballora opened her arms in a simple gesture but you had to stop the sob of relief that tried to escape.

You almost collapsed into her, arms tightly wrapped around her as you were momentarily distracted from the onslaught of pleasure you were receiving. Thankfully she didn't say anything about your current predicament, instead opting to gently rub at your back.

" Oh darling what happened while I was gone? " She asked quietly, " Is Freddy being mean to you? " You laughed against her chest, new found tears slowly falling.

"Yes, he said I couldn't cum until you touched me" You didn't care if you stretched the truth a little, you already felt more at ease in Balloras hold.

" Hey! That's no-ot true! She decided to play with me and she's just ups-et that I didn't make it easy! " Freddy protested with a frown, making sure to punctuate his words with a particularly hard thrust. You made a protesting sound at his harsh treatment but didn't correct him.

" Y/N don't lie to me, i wouldn't want to have to punish you when you're so close to cumming " You shivered at the familiar words but just nodded against her, too ashamed to say anything else. She went back to rubbing your back in a soothing manner,

" If you just wanted me to touch so you could have said so darling, now let me help you princess " Ballora's kind words cut right through you, making you soft and pliable to anything she said. She easily sat you up before her hands roamed your body.

Long, elegant fingers gently traced your face and neck as she took her time mapping you out. They traced your sweater all the way down to the hem before slipping under and pressing into your stomach. Ballora leaned towards you to pepper kisses on your face, smooth metal lips cooling your overheated skin.

"Ballora…" You whined, as much as you enjoyed the attention your legs were an uncomfortable mix of numb and extremely oversensitive. You weren't quite sure how much more you could take.

" Give me a second honey, be a good girl and let me take care of you " Her lips quirked up at the mewl you gave in response before easily getting back to letting her hands roam lower.

" Y/N r-really likes it when you compliment her~ " Freddy huffed, movements unexpectedly slowing down as he pushed as far as he could into you. You weren't sure why he'd stopped until the feeling of his cum spewing into you keyed you in.

"That's not fair" You said weakly, one word away from whining before you let out a squeak as Ballora briefly pinched your thigh.

" Behave Y/N " Was the only warning she gave but your fizzled brain took it harsher than she probably meant it to sound, reflexively your eyes watered slightly.

" 'm sorry" You mumbled as you leaned back into Freddy, needy for any kind of attention that would release the pressure between your legs.

" Don't be so me-an to her Ballora " Freddy haphazardly pet your ribs with his free hand, " I've had her here for alm-ost 30 minutes, our little cumdump is just a li-ttle frustrated " You could feel your face burn at the name he called you,

"I'm not-!" Before you could even finish your sentence Ballora's smooth fingers finally grazed your aching clit. It was as if she flipped a switch inside you and you had to try to quickly censor yourself.

" I don't think she minds me being a little mean now do you Y/N? " She cooed sweetly as her fingers explored further down. A soft moan escaped you as she gently felt around as if she was mapping out how filled up you were.

It was the most intimate thing you could possibly think, her fingers following your puffy folds, applying featherlight pressure until they led to where your abused hole was stretched past your limit. She firmly rubbed the crease where Freddy’s cock and your folds met,

" See her cunts still sopping wet, were you excited for me baby? " Freddy let out a wheezing laugh at her choice of words,

" I think she is, every time you ta-lk she gets so-o tight " The way they talked about you as if you couldn't even respond made your head incredibly fuzzy, whoever programmed them must have known what they were doing.

You watched in anticipation as her digits finally traced their way back to your clit, you were a moaning mess by the time she finally started applying pressure. And naturally it didn't take long for her to bring you to the edge, you squeezed your eyes shut as you finally let the pleasure wash over you. You came to your senses when a familiar pair of lips pressed against your neck for a second,

" Didn't want you fainting on me dear " Ballora joked, you shared a breathless laugh. She let your brain catch up before she got on her feet to slowly lift you off of Freddy, thankfully helping you stand after. She held your close, waiting until you were steady on your feet to let go.

" How about we get you cleaned up, take you to the kitchen, maybe a cup of tea before you go? " She kneeled behind you in an unexpected motion, making you regain the blush you'd almost lost as she helped you get your underwear and pants on unprompted.

"It's already time to go?" You ask as you try to swallow your disappointment, catching a glimpse of Freddy tucking himself up and hobbling on his feet.

" You spent a lot of time with Foxy~ " He teased, only laughing harder at the glare you gave him.

" I'm afraid so dear, how about you come back next Saturday? I'm sure we'd all like to see you again " Ballora pressed a kiss to your hips before pulling your pants all the way up and letting you fiddle with them. Your ears burned warm at the thought of coming back, did they like you that much?

"I'll… try to come back I promise" She seemed pleased with that response as she got up and pulled you into another warm embrace which Freddy jumped in on as well.

" Good, now let's go get you ready to leave sweetie " You still weren't sure if the warm feeling in your chest was warranted but this time you didn't fight it off. While you didn't find solace in casual trespassing like you had planned, but getting your brains fucked out by two animatronics and coddled by the other bought that idea out by a landslide.

#fnaf smut #five nights at freddy's #fnaf sister location #Ballora x reader #ballora x you #Time for excessive tagging bc why not #Funtime Freddy x reader #Funtime Freddy x you #Funtime foxy x reader #Funtime foxy x you #ballora #funtime freddy #funtime foxy

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