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raysrays · 2 months

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Crimson Guardian NSFW

Kyojuro Rengoku x Wife! Reader

18+ MDNI!🚫

CW: NSFW Content, minor angst, controlling/manipulating behavior, fluff-ish.

Y/N POV

Scenario : You've recently married into the respected Rengoku family, and while you continue your work as a demon slayer, life starts to get a bit messy. Balancing your duties becomes a real challenge as you navigate the challenges of married life. You find yourself having to make tough choices just to keep your husband happy, all while debating to stay true to yourself and your calling as a demon slayer.

Marriage. Truly one of the most beautiful milestones a couple can achieve. Marrying Kyojuro has undoubtedly been my greatest accomplishment.

I still remember it vividly, as if it were yesterday. Surrounded by friends, family, and core members, we pledged our lives to each other. Though it wasn't the most glamorous wedding ever seen, it was enough. Because really, all I've ever wanted was Kyojuro, and now, finally, I have him.

For the first few months, our marriage was nothing short of perfect. I moved into the Rengoku estate with Kyojuro's family, assisting Shenjuro with chores and gradually trying to get closer to Shinjuro. Though I'm not sure how successful I was.

It was only six months in that I realized being a demon slayer and a wife wasn't as easy as I thought.

Before our relationship, I was Kyojuro's Tsuguko. He was simply my mentor, and I trained hard under him to get myself where I am today. It was later down the road that we noticed each other's lingering gazes, the occasional flirting, and all the other subtle hints of wanting to be more.

Kyojuro was strong, and I knew he wanted a family, but I simply wasn't ready to give up training and my duties as a demon slayer just yet.

Every day, after helping out around the estate, I would hike over to HQ and pick up where I had left off the previous day, training until the late hours of the night. I would often come home exhausted, which usually caused Kyojuro to worry. As much as I reassured him, he never seemed fully convinced.

Now, here I was, sitting at the dinner table with Kyo across from me. It was a rare occasion for us to eat alone together like this. We made small talk about our day and training, and then he finally stopped eating and put his silverware down.

"Little Flame, I think it’s time we have a serious discussion about the way things have been as of late,” his usual happy smile seemed almost nervous.

I set my spoon down on my plate, giving him my full attention.

“Yes? What is it?”

“Sunflower, you have been working so hard as of late, and it’s quite admirable. I truly admire your dedication to the demon slayer corps and your training!”

“But…?” I ask, confused.

“But… since our marriage, I’ve found myself in constant worry over you. Every time you go on a mission without me, I have to painfully wait for your return. Not knowing whether or not you'd be injured or even-“

“Dead?” I finish.

I saw his body tense up at the word.

“Yes, my love. Dead. I cannot even bear the thought of you never returning to me. It pains me to my core,” he seemed so sad, so worried about me.

I know Kyojuro, I know he didn’t mean anything bad by what he was saying. However, I felt almost offended. He too was a slayer, a hashira. I also had to deal with the fear of him returning with serious injuries or even never returning at all.

Did he believe me to be incapable of protecting myself? He was the very one who trained me. Even though I knew Kyojuro was strong, much stronger than me, it just felt like he lacked faith in me.

“You don’t think I’m strong enough anymore? Do you think marriage has made me soft?” I realized I might have come off a little too harsh, but my emotions were getting the best of me.

His expression seemed surprised, but I could tell. While he may not have used those words, that was definitely the gist of it.

I watched him get up from his place at the table and walk over to me. He pulled my chair out from under the table, then grabbed my hands and kneeled down in front of me.

His big, bright eyes were now staring up at me.

“You are one of the strongest people I know, my love. I know how capable you are, but please remember…”

He brought my hands to his lips, kissing them softly.

“You are my wife before you are a demon slayer. I cannot risk sending you off only for you to never return.”

I could practically hear the desperation and love in his voice.

Kyojuro wasn’t someone who would usually discourage anyone from pursuing something they're passionate about. So if he was now, I knew that it’s something he’s been internally battling with for a while.

“What about you? Is it not the same? What about my worry? What if you never come home to me?” I could feel my face start to heat up. Everything he was saying seemed to come from genuine care, but it felt so hypocritical.

“I am a Hashira, my little flame. I have a certain responsibility you do not have to burden yourself with. I shall retire soon, in just a few years. So please…”

There’s no way he’d ask me-

“Please retire your sword, Y/N. Please stay home for me. Please allow my heart to rest easy knowing you'll be here waiting for me whenever I shall return,” his voice was pleading.

I felt so conflicted. I’d worked so hard. All of these years of training to hopefully become a high-ranking swordsman myself. However, at the same time, I never stopped to consider my romantic life and how being married would affect things.

We both sat there in silence for a few moments, and I finally rose up from the chair, pulling him up off his knees along with me.

I looked up at him, reaching my hand up to rest on his cheek.

“Kyojuro, you are the only one I would retire my sword for. So please promise me, promise me you will always come home to me. Until the day you yourself retire.”

“I promise you, Sunflower. As long as I know you are safe and waiting for me, there is no demon that could ever keep me away.”

I felt his hand on my lower back and the other holding up my chin.

We both leaned in, our lips meeting in a tender kiss.

This kiss started so gently, so lovingly at first. As we pulled away for just a moment, staring into each other’s eyes, we realized how long it had been since we really enjoyed each other’s company.

After that, the kiss only grew hotter and more passionate.

Kyojuro swept me off my feet and carried me straight to our shared room at the back of the estate, the most private spot. It seemed fitting for newlyweds, after all.

As he gently laid me back on the soft futon, I couldn't help but stay focused on him. Kyojuro was simply beautiful. His hair, his eyes, his body, everything about him looked like he was perfectly sculpted.

My admiration was interrupted as I felt him begin to kiss me again. One of his hands traveling to my breasts, gently squeezing it.

The other massaging my thigh.

I feel him pull away from me starting to kiss on my neck traveling all the way down to my chest.

Kyojuro had always known my weak points and how to make me say yes to his every request. He knew my body just as well as I did, and now he was taking full advantage of that knowledge.

I could feel him pressing against me as he moved his hand down my body, lightly touching me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me, wanting more.

Then I heard, Kyojuro's soft voice whisper these words, almost as a demand. "Enjoy this little flame, you've kept me waiting far too long.”

As soon as those words left his lips, I felt myself begin to relax. His movements were so gentle, so careful, so loving.

His fingers trailed down my sides, sending chills through my body. His hands went back up and caressed my neck, making me tremble. He kissed me once more, and I melted into him.

It was as if he had cast a spell over me, and all I could do was obey him. He was completely in control of me.

After a moment, I felt him move back down and remove my underwear, revealing my already wet entrance. His hand slid between my thighs, and I couldn't help but let out a moan as his finger slipped inside me. He was gentle at first, just barely grazing me, but it felt incredible.

"Is this okay?" he asked softly, his breath hot against my ear.

I nodded but I could tell that wasn’t enough for him.

“Use your words my love.” He demanded sweetly.

“Yes Kyo, it’s perfect.” I said, my voice trembling.

He leaned down and kissed my lips before pulling back again, smiling at me.

"I want to be inside of you," he whispered, his voice filled with desire.

"Please," I begged.

He removed his fingers, replacing them with his cock, his tip rubbing against my clit.

"Good girl," he whispered, thrusting into me.

I threw back my head, arching my back and digging my nails into his shoulders. His movements were slow and deep at first and then they became faster and harder, and soon my whole body began to shake. I couldn't stop the moans from escaping my lips, and I couldn't help but beg for more.

When he starts to speed up I know we are both about to reach our limit.

I feel his fingers interlock with mine and his lips pressing against mine again, but this time, he wasn’t just kissing me, he was also letting his teeth graze my bottom lip.

He was biting down hard enough to draw blood.

We were both so close and we were both trying to hold back but we couldn’t anymore. We were finally going to let ourselves release.

I was the first one to let myself go, arching my back as I moaned his name.

Then he followed not too far behind.

After he finishes, we just lay there for a bit catching our breath.

“I love you, Y/N,” he finally breathed out, turning his head to look at me.

I turned to face him as well. “I love you, Kyojuro.”

After that, the two of us drifted off in each other's arms for the rest of the night.

The next morning when I awoke, I was still trapped wrapped in Kyojuro's arms.

After a bit of struggling, I managed to maneuver my way out and make it to the kitchen.

There I saw Senjuro, who was already preparing breakfast for everyone.

“Good morning, Sen,” I greeted with a yawn.

“Oh, good morning, Y/N!”

“I'm almost finished with breakfast. Is my brother awake yet?”

“He should be awake soon. We both have to see Master Kagaya today,” I said, rubbing my eyes.

He stopped to turn and look at me.

“Did something bad happen?” he asked nervously.

Poor Senjuro always assumes the absolute worst in every situation. Well, I suppose in this case it’s somewhat understandable.

“No, Sen, nothing's wrong. Kyojuro and I are just going to inform Master Kagaya of my retirement. That’s all.”

He gave a puzzled look.

“Retirement? Why? Haven’t you been training for years to improve your sword skills to move up in the ranks?” he asked.

He was right. I know I shouldn’t go back on my word to Kyojuro, but I really was having second thoughts about my decision.

Senjuro could probably sense my doubt because his next response was:

"If this is something that you're not sure of, then you shouldn't do it. If you have doubts about this decision, then maybe you're not ready for retirement just yet."

His words really struck a chord with me.

Maybe he was right.

Before I could ponder that any further, Kyojuro had made his way into the kitchen.

"Good morning! How are my two favorite people doing?" he said cheerfully.

I smiled.

"Morning, Kyo. Did you sleep well?"

"I did, actually. Thank you, little flame," he walked over to me, giving me a kiss.

I could feel my chest tightening, nervous about what was to come.

The whole time at breakfast, I felt so spaced out. All I could hear was Kyojuro and Senjuro talking and the occasional grunt from Shinjuro drinking away at the table.

“Sunflower? Are you okay?”

I was snapped out of my daze by Kyojuro waving a hand in front of my face. All three of them were staring at me, kind of concerned.

“Oh, yeah, I’m fine. Sorry.”

I shook my head a little and looked down at my plate. I felt bad for Senjuro going through all that trouble to cook, but I simply couldn’t eat right now.

After we finished breakfast, Kyojuro and I headed out.

The thought that this would be the last time wearing my uniform with my sword by my side was so weird and almost uncomfortable to me.

I knew that this day would come eventually, but I always hoped in the back of my mind that Kyojuro would be the one to retire before me.

I had been so focused on training and my duties as a demon slayer that it had never even occurred to me how my marriage would affect everything.

I was now a wife. My first priority should be the estate, and helping Shinjuro while he was in his state of grief, and being there for Senjuro as well.

It wouldn’t be right of me to go against my husband's wishes either. Especially after the intimate moment we shared. Right?

As we made it to HQ waiting to speak with the master I felt my heartbeat racing inside of me.

The room was quiet, I could feel Kyojuro’s eyes lingering on me but I couldn’t bring myself to face him right now.

Both mine and Kyojuro’s attention was shifted as we heard the door open and Master Kagaya entered the room.

"Rengoku, Y/N. It's a pleasure to see you both," Kagaya said, his face as warm as ever.

"It's wonderful to see you too, Master," I replied.

"So what brings you two here? It seems urgent, judging by the fact that you came in so early."

"It is very urgent," Kyojuro began.

He then proceeded to explain our conversation from the night before, and how I was considering retiring.

"Y/N, this is a big decision, and it's important that you feel comfortable and confident in it. Do you think you can fully retire, knowing you won't be able to assist the demon slayers as you are now?" Kagaya asked.

I looked at the master and then glanced at Kyojuro. He seemed so proud and happy that we were here. I could feel the warmth radiating from him.

But, I could also sense the worry in his expression. He was nervous, scared almost.

I couldn't do that to him.

"Master, I've spent most of my life training for the opportunity to become a hashira. To serve the demon slayer corps and protect those who cannot protect themselves. But...I'm no longer just a demon slayer. I'm also a wife, and as such, I think it's only right that I focus on that," I answered.

The room fell silent for a moment.

"If you truly feel this is the right choice, then we support you, Y/N," Kagaya finally spoke.

"Thank you, Master," I bowed.

"Thank you so much, Master! I will never

forget your kindness!" Kyojuro bowed as well.

The two of us left the room and started to head out.

As we exited, we ran into a few of the other Hashira, who asked us about what we had gone to see Master Kagaya about.

They too seemed surprised and a little concerned when Kyojuro explained to them that I would be retiring so soon.

I could tell some of their reactions to the news annoyed Kyojuro. Shinobu used the word “controlling,” and you could see his smile almost falter.

"Controlling" was never a word I would have used to describe my husband. He just loves me, right? He wants to protect me. There's no way my sweet and kind Kyo would ever do anything to control or manipulate me.

Right?

Part Two

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faerytreealtars · 9 months

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⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ “Less Work, More Play” ~ Ways to connect to your inner child ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Hello again, my dear Saplings! 🌱 I am back once again with another new PAC today that I hope you enjoy, take a deep breath, and choose whatever images resonate with your soul and heart, Happy reading! ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

Being connected to our child-like energy does not mean to behave like a tantruming two-year old or to act naively in situations where you know it is necessary to have a sensible and mature head on your shoulders, no to connect with the child within us in a healthy way we should embrace wonder, never fear trying out new things and remember its okay to be silly and fun now and again, don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself and never mind the unneeded judgements of others. If they refuse to look after the child within in and feel uncomfortable to see yours thriving that's a them problem!

I would love to hear if the message you received resonated with you, so don’t feel afraid to comment, for it makes me so happy to connect with you all! 💕

Song: Lost Boy - Ruth B.

Faery-Tale: Puss in Boots ~ “Perhaps the greatest gift that can be left to you is something you already have within”

[ My Instagram ♡ / Personal Readings ♤ / Faery Masterlist ☆ ]

Pile 1

[Cards: Ace of Cups, Eight of Swords, The Chariot & King of Swords]

Ways you can reconnect with your inner child include slowing down in life, instead of rushing from one goalpost to another try to appreciate the journey. Collect memories physically & mentally - make an album of photographs from both adventures and ordinary life and fill it with pictures of those dear to you too. Listen & dance to music from your youth or even scrapbook/Journal about your days if you're feeling creative. Don't become another victim of the belief that once you've reached a certain age all fun must die only to be replaced with responsibilities and strict rules! Keep dreaming, keep playing, and keep growing!

Oracle: Benedicta

Don't be afraid to step outside your comfort zones, No one ever grew in stagnation - Just like a plant in a pot too small for its roots your run the danger of wilting. Be daring, be bold, and most importantly true to your soul!

Pile 2

[Cards: Four of Pentacles, Knight of Cups, Three of Pentacles & Four of Swords]

To connect more with your inner child within you I suggest some much-needed TLC & self-care. treat yourself, you deserve it! Think to yourself if your child's self suddenly appeared in your life and you were entrusted to care for them. How would you treat them? Perhaps you would give them all the nice things they were refused in life. Now is your chance to do just that. Another message I'm hearing is to not burden yourself with all the decisions if you run a business or are in a partnership/Marriage Lean on those around you (spouse/Work Colleagues) to carry some of the load it isn't your responsibility to carry it all - You don't need to feel alone.

Oracle: Rubi

Make time for your friends and family don't feel afraid that you might be missing out on work, or some other important chore on your to-do list, it won't end your world to slow down and appreciate all you've got. Wouldn't you rather make fun and exciting memories with those dearest to your heart rather than worry and stress yourself out over work? The decision is ultimately in your hands.

Pile 3

[Cards: Five of Wands, The Star, Ten of Pentacles & Nine of Swords]

The way you connect to your inner child within you may include singing along to your favourite tunes, but I'm also hearing a message to avoid conflict - don't go into situations heated and looking for arguments & if it is others not accepting you don't want to engage cut them off and take some time away from them for your own sanity. I would also advise against scrolling through social media or constantly watching content full of bad news or toxic drama. Please don't compare your life to perfect pictures online this is making you lose faith in yourself and your dreams. You're quite wonderful as you are and your inner child says they wouldn't change a thing! after all, no one but Mary Poppins can be perfect!

Oracle: Sir Norval & Elliot

Perhaps you are over due for an adventure somewhere quiet & far away from the noise and distraction of modern life. Somewhere that you can reconnect with nature and the joys of the simple every day. Put down your devices and go out there the next chance you get to fulfill the curiosity of your soul!

I hope the message you received from the child within was joyful and uplifting to you! Make sure to embrace each day with wonder and joy as that is how you can help begin the first steps to inner-child connection! For magic truly is everywhere is just depends on how you choose to view things.

-Love, Fae🔮🧚🏻‍♀

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duskspring · 5 months

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Chores and a Show - Copia/GN!Reader fic

Domestic December - Day 2

Summary: You help Copia with his paints before a ritual

Content (do let me know if I forgot anything!): Google translate Italian as per fandom tradition, some insecurity on Copia’s side but it’s all ok in the end

Word count: ~1.7k

“Stop being so squeamish." You said to Copia, trying to sound gentle and not make him feel bad. He could be extra sensitive before a ritual, but you’d already told him to settle down twice.

"It's not my fault you tickle me, amore."

You playfully scoffed, trying to resume getting him ready. You added some black onto the brush.

"Close your eyes for me.” When he did, you started dragging the colored hairs over his eyelids and the surrounding area.

You were laser focused. Copia deserved nothing but perfection.

You startled the brush back slightly when he put his hands on your hips. You'd been straddling his lap the whole time to get as close as possible, but he’d kept his hands down up to this point.

"Copia." You say in fun-loving warning as you color his other eyelid.

"I'm behaving." He claimed, though he smirked like he had more up his sleeve.

When you moved to add a second layer, his hands dipped a little lower to your rear.

"Preshow's already on, we don't have forever.” You reminded him.

“All the more reason to enjoy your company while I can.” You had to pull back again when he smiled, not being able to work if his eyes were crinkled up.

Stopping for a moment did give you the chance to take a good look at his face. His freckles and any blemishes you usually loved mapping out were already covered up with white, but his wrinkles, the proof of his fast life experience and wiseness were still visible clearly enough for you to admire. Not that you’d admit to that, knowing Copia didn’t like them being pointed out.

“Does it look ok?” He noticed your staring, taking it to mean something was wrong. His voice sounded so small, almost childlike.

Your expression softened further, but still you took the chance to tease him a bit, “It will, as soon as you let me do my job.”

He chuckled briefly, trying to get his worries out, before straightening his face. His hands dutifully moved back to your hips.

The rest of the work went well. You’d gotten plenty of time to practise back at the abbey. Doing this for him was just another way for you to prove your devotion to him and try to help him out any way you could. He, in return, appreciated your perfectionism in the act, always insisting on starting over if it wasn’t just right.

He would never understand just how hard it was for you, however. He was still shirtless, apart from his suspenders you couldn’t believe he could wear against his bare skin. He looked good enough to eat. Though the only person you had to blame for that distraction was yourself. You were the one encouraging him to not be in costume yet when you painted his face. You had faith in your skill but the last thing you wanted would be to accidentally stain that beautiful military style jacket of his.

You took a steady breath, before holding it in. You refused to allow yourself to mess up the thin lines on the sides of his face.

Copia would love nothing more than to cheer you on or tell you something to calm your nerves, but it was his job right now to remain still.

You pulled back after the second line was done, letting out a big sigh of relief after having not messed it up.

“Stay very still.” You told him next, angling his head a little further back.

He wasn’t sure what you were gonna do, but he would never question your process. Not after your flawless track record. Because it was you.

You were shaking slightly, the small adrenaline rush you always got catching up with you. Still, you smiled. You smiled at the man that made everyday just a little better. A man that you knew would go through hardship and hell to make you happy. He was everything, with or without the paint, because it was him.

You lean in closer, his hold on your hips instinctively tightening to help keep you steady. You press your lips to his. They were the only part of him still unpainted.

Still, you kiss him softly, not wanting to blemish the surrounding paint. Copia sits up the slightest bit, trying to follow you when you pull back with a self satisfied look on your face.

“Almost there, love.” It was a matter of coloring his lips and you’d be done at last.

Still you didn’t allow yourself to slack in that department. You couldn’t speak for the rest of his audience, but you certainly enjoyed looking at his lips a lot, so they too had to look pristine.

You wished you could stay and look at him for another few hours, but a quick glance at the clock revealed the disappointing need to start wrapping it up.

You patted his hands on your hips, “Up we go.” You smiled, standing up and quickly stretching you back as Copia followed you.

As soon as you straightened your posture he stepped closer to you and put his gloved hands on your cheeks, “I would kiss you again if I could. Thank you so much, amato mio.”

You lean your head sideways into his hold, “No need you thank me at all. I love getting to do this for you.” As a last sign of affection before having to move on, you turned your head a little to kiss his palm.

You stepped away to the clothing rack that stood against the walls. All of his costumes for the night were hung up in order, ready for his quick in between costume changes. You grabbed the one on the end of the rack, the previously mentioned beautiful military style suit. It gave Copia an edge, a sense of authority he deserved as Papa.

When you faced him again, he looked the part as well. It was like watching an actor morph into character; he stood up straighter, exuding an air of confidence that suited him so well.

You took the jacket off the hanger and held it up. He obediently held his arms out without having to be asked. You helped him into the garment, closing it quickly, but with care.

After that he knew to sit in front of the vanity, you coming up behind him to brush his hair back. You loved getting to make his hair look all neat to then see it get progressively more messy throughout the night. As much as you loved watching Copia all dolled up, it was even better to see him let loose and have fun. It was clear as day that the stage was where he was at his most comfortable.

You looked away from his hair for just a moment, noticing how he looked at your reflection in the mirror, the slightest of smiles on his face. You knew exactly what he was thinking.

“I love you too.” The words left you oh so delicately. He needed to know you weren’t just saying it to say it.

“Ti amo più di ogni altra cosa.” More than anything. It was far from his first love declaration but this one, right in all the chaos before the show, somehow felt like the most meaningful one you’d ever heard.

A frantic knock interrupted the sentiment, “You’re on in five!”

You sighed, excited to see Copia perform again but upset your time together was so rushed. You leaned down and very delicately placed a kiss on his neatly brushed back hair.

“Go get ‘em.” You winked at him through the mirror.

He got up, examined his full reflection before finally turning to face you again.

"How do I look?" He already looked confident as can be, but still he asked you that same question before every show, as if you wouldn’t always respond the exact same way.

You stepped closer, putting your hands on his chest, "Like the most beautiful man I've ever seen."

His confident look softened. He wished so badly to kiss you, but knew his paints would mess up from it and your hard work had to be admired on stage for all to see. Instead he brushed his hand over your hair.

“I will look for you in the crowd.” He promised.

You pulled back, already grabbing your bag and making your way there, “Remember, I’m on the left balcony.” You didn’t really jive well with big crowds. As much as you’d miss seeing Copia up close, you were happy you got a spot in the VIP camp. Less people, but still a good overview of the stage.

The next few minutes we’re a bit of a blur as you had to rush to make it up there on time. You only hoped Copia could take it a bit easier.

You knew he was nervous, he always was. But as soon as the white screen fell down to reveal the band the energy in the room was electric.

He had such a way about him, capturing all eyes in the room with his strong voice, silly dance moves and sometimes eyebrow raising words in between songs.

And he made sure to keep his promise, looking over in your direction multiple times. It was clear to you that he didn’t truly see you at first. But when he did, he made sure you knew. He waved his arm in a gesture towards you and you immediately understood he’d found you.

It was almost an art, making you feel like the only person in a fully packed arena. As if all those songs were especially for you even when he interacted with the crowd and wasn’t actively engaging you.

You’d probably never get the full scope of it, but when Copia was up on that stage, he was there for you. At least in spirit. He thought of you the whole time. Your unwavering faith in him calmed his nerves and the prospect of you telling him how great he did, like you always told him after performances, served as a driving force to do even better than last time.

He needed you, in that way. He wanted you. He could never imagine doing this without you.

He loved you, as wholly as you loved him.

[My Main Masterlist | Domestic December Masterlist]

#domestic december #the band ghost fanfiction #the band ghost #papa emeritus 4 #ghost fanfiction #copia #ghost bc

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lostonmari · 5 months

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SUCCESS #2 - November

Success #2 -- Everything I manifested in November

November is when I started this blog, and also ACTUALLY started applying all of the things I learned started taking affirming and thinking in my favor seriously instead of just sporadically manifesting random things here and there because I was too lazy to put in the work. I never had issues w wavering, but I was just inconsistent as fuck (Hell, I'm still inconsistent with posting on my own damn blog, yall can't possibly think I'm consistent with affirming!) So here's everything I manifested…

Manifested back my old bestfriend/ex-gf after 4 years no contact She came back, apologized for mistreating me and told me basically everything I affirmed for LMAO. and that's one of the things that gave me faith in the law because ik this girl would rather die than ever apologize to someone. Now that she's back I'm manifesting away her friends and leaving her broke down and in shambles because I'm evil and believe in revenge. yall dont know the type of bullsh*t this woman put me through. Idc if everyone is you pushed out, some people don't deserve forgiveness 🤓

My mom is walking again I successfully revised her shattered ankle without the weeks of recovery time the doctors "thought" she needed. She's literally walking around just fine now and doesn't need to wear her cast or whatever that big bulky thing was.

Manifested my brother out of jail on a time crunch Now I'm not sharing my family's whole drama online but… yea. he's out.

No more social anxiety, cured one of my mental health issues I don't wanna trauma dump or go into too much detail about my life but, yes. for anyone also working on mental health, it can be done and you won't regret trying. Life actually feels like it has meaning now and for once in all my years of life, I can actually say that I'm happy. 💗

Stopped nail biting COMPLETELY! I used to struggle with nail biting for YEARSSS whether it was out of stress, anxiety, whatever the fuck. but now it's completely gone. my nails are no longer STUBS, like theyre actually long and healthy. I didn't even affirm for this so I kinda think it came with improving my mental health since I didn't really have the issues that *triggered* nail biting anymore yk?. I'm actually the happiest about this result like yall don't understand how long I've wanted the natural french tips look 💀

[TW: Discussion of binging, discussion of food]

6. WL + Maintained weight loss! I literally changed my entire way of viewing food, and subsequently fixed my lose->gain->lose-> gain again cycle. Ever since learning LOAss If I binged I would be like: I just have a fast metabolism so that's why I'm so hungry my body is burning everything I eat so fast! and I would also tell myself calories don't matter because food is only energy. Basically, reminding myself of what Abdullah told Neville: "If you ate as I did, you would be poisoned because of your belief." (heavily paraphrased because my memory is terrible.. yes I'm working on it 😭) and it keeps me from feeling guilty abt eating. I ate SOOO MUCH food yesterday and I mean SO MUCH. I ate an entire box of cheese sticks, two large chicken sandwiches, 2 pb & j sandwiches total throughout the day, and half a tub of icecream for dessert… Yeah I was going crazy.. to the point I looked 5 months pregnant at the end of the night. Fast forward to today, my stomach is back to flat and back to normal as if it never happened. Food literally will not effect you if you believe it doesn't! This was my main focus too so I'm very proud of myself :)

Moral of the story is, never give up.

YOU decide what happens in your reality and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. There were times when I didn't want to affirm, so I didn't. If I felt lazy then I didn't consciously affirm or listen to subliminals, I just relaxed and went on about my day. I never made affirming feel like a chore. There were times when I had doubts too or thought it wouldn't work. I especially thought it wouldn't work for my mental health but I just affirmed anyway. When you're having resistance literally just know there's nothing bad that can possibly happen from believing in yourself and thinking in your favor. Just DO IT. Persist no matter what and you WILL get what you want!

I'll try to do better with posting my successes (but only ones that actually meant something big to me tbh. I don't see a point in sharing every little thing unless it was me overcoming some type of struggle) and answering messages but I refuse to download the tumblr app so yall just gotta see and hear from me whenever I feel like loading up this website. I'm just enjoying & living my life rn girl I used to dream about times like this and now I finally have them 😭

#law of assumption #manifesting #manifestation #loassumption #loa success

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flyinghome-againstthewind · 4 months

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Wrap 2023 up, my friend! 16, 28, 29, 30?

16. What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

"Faith Lives" 😌

28. Favorite work you wrote this year?

I wrote chapters 5-12 of Beside the Seaside in 2023, and I'm proud of what I accomplished in those chapters! Their little blended family of four makes my heart so happy 🥹

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

It was a real chore to go through all the soft, fluffy moments I'd written in 2023, let me tell you 😂 This passage in Soften Every Edge is a standout for me, I like the way it turned out. I wanted to include in this fic that there were real stakes in this for Jamie and Claire as a couple, with the risk to Claire's health and the baby's, and the trauma of Jamie's loss of his mother and brother being front of mind for him in this. But also with everything they went through to get to where they were now with their family, that they were, most of all, in this together:

It was the begging that did her in. She couldn’t lie there unaffected any longer; she reached for him, carding fingers through his curls and clutching his head to her belly. She loved him — endlessly, for a million reasons — but in that moment she loved him most for how scared he’d always been of the risks to her and any child she carried, and that he’d still given her this next chance, fears and all, when she’d asked it of him. She loved him for his wide-open heart for a life that might never be, especially when they’d already been down the path of heartache and loss before. “Come here,” she murmured to him. He shifted up the bed until his head was level with hers. She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him, deeply.

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

I've been writing less and less each year, and that's been frustrating, but I realized I need to stop setting my goals/expectations with writing around what I was able to accomplish early in the pandemic when I had more time on my hands. It's okay that it takes longer to write now, with more demands on my time (and big stressful things like buying a house and moving!)

[ao3 wrapped!]

#ao3 wrapped #fic meme #thanks for wrapping up ao3 2023 with me Leah! 💜#here's to more fic memes and general tumblr shenanigans in 2024 🥳

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l-resonant-l · 2 months

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I don’t know if you’ll see this. I don’t really think it’s for you to see.

I don’t actually think of you much at all anymore, but I was scrolling through my old messages looking for a contact and I saw our messages.

Saw how we said goodbye.

Maybe saying I don’t think of you sounds defensive, but I saw your name and didn’t recognize it for a moment. It made me a bit sad.

I read all our messages back as if it were the first time,

I felt my mind go back through that time machine,

But this time I saw everything you didn’t know you said.

I’ve grown so much more in these years than I thought possible in two years.

To be honest, despite how sure I acted that I knew what I was doing, I wasn’t.

I wasn’t sure at all.

But that’s what I wanted. I was so tired of living my whole life based on the opinions of those around me, so sure they knew what and how to think, things I’d never know.

I wanted something for the first time in as long as I can remember. It was dangerous, and stupid, and possibly not even real, but I wanted it. So I took hold of them with every fiber of my being and refused to let go.

I wasn’t sure, but

If you don’t trust me how can you see me as an equal?

Very easily? I don't have to trust anyone with everything. Not trusting you doesn't mean I'm going to try control you. I trust you with my freindship, I trust you with secrets, I trust you with a lot. But I don't trust you to get your homework done, or that you will get a job, or that youll remember commitments, and you don't trust yourself with that either. I don't trust your judgment but I do respect it.

I have a chronic illness it turns out. I won’t heal, but I can think now, now that I have treatment. I can move. I can sleep. I can exist with manageable pain. I can work I can live, I do things.

It’s a strange I don’t miss you, but I mourn the faith I had in you.

But that’s what all our relationships with you were. You surrounded yourself with hurt people, and supported them, unless they actually gained confidence. Then you poke holes in their newborn ego.

Dont treat me like one of your abusive family members that you're realizing is toxic. If you can admit your judgment is sometimes incorrect (like idk, multiple abusive boyfriends?) then you can understand how I may not 100% trust your judgement. That is very different from controlling you or not respecting you

I don’t know

Maybe I’m wrong

Or maybe-

I asked if I could make the caramelized carrots my dad never got to have on his last thanksgiving before he died, you told me no one would eat them so there’s no point. You took a knife out of my hand and said you didn’t trust me to cut vegetables. I told you my life and you used it like a weapon to make me doubt myself.

Maybe it doesn’t matter

My friend and I laugh as we cooked and drank together.

Maybe they like me

My housemate thanks me for setting up the system of jobs and chores for the household.

Maybe I’m good at some things

My boyfriend buzzes about how we could program the map and weather generator for my dnd world.

Maybe someone cares about my interests

My partner hugs me, and says they don’t know how they got so lucky.

Maybe I’m worthy of love

My father in law gushes about the ring set I chose, with a million year old meteorite embedded.

Maybe I can be

My child asks me to play before bed time as we discuss the dog we want to get in the next home. They come to me after they have a nightmare. I sit beside their bed and as their breathing slows I hear them mumble softly “I love you,” and I whisper back “I love you too sweetheart”

I am happy

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smol-grey-tea · 9 months

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I'm so fucking pissed off. I have good news that's also bad news at the same time.

I've been taking sertraline every morning since last Tuesday and have seen great results. First of all, I generally feel better and calmer. I do more chores more often and am just generally happy.

Something I noticed tho as I was diarying a couple days ago: I only paced that day for about 15 minutes. The whole day. In total.

I felt very proud of that and I decided that yesterday I would try not to pace for the whole day. I simply tried to focus on other things and the day went without pacing at all. I felt very proud of this because under normal circumstances this would've been a literally impossible accomplishment.

However.

Satisfied with my day, I got into bed and got ready to daydream something before sleep as I always do. But. I found that they didn't come naturally anymore. I had to actually make the conscious decision to daydream but I couldn't even do that. I tried but it didn't work: it just felt like I was looking at it through a window. Distant and painfully unreal.

A theory I've had about daydreaming is that the content of the daydreams is produced by the subconscious taking your emotions and filtering out the cause of them so it seems like you're getting emotional about the daydream instead of the original cause of the emotion. So, emotions you feel from daydreams aren't actually because of the daydream. You already have a real life problem or something that's making you feel that way that your brain doesn't want you to think about so it replaces the 'cause' in your mind with the daydream.

I hate that I continue to prove myself right.

Under normal circumstances, waking up in the middle of the night would lead me to have a scary/sad emotional daydream that may cause me to cry. And yet here I am, on sertraline, waking up and crying about an actual real life problem now.

I think I'm going to pace today because I need to experiment with that. I'm scared that even if I'm pacing I still might not be able to daydream. I remember the last time I was pacing I did daydream kinda normally but most of the daydreaming was stuff about real life instead of my paracosm.

And that pisses me off so. Fucking. Much. I've had a similar issue before where I wasn't able to daydream, like I was looking at it through glass before and it fucking disgusts me, it's the most wretched thing to feel.

I wouldn't mind if sertraline just made me stop feeling the need to pace. I could still daydream without feeling that horrible urge and I'd be ok, I just wouldn't need to rely on it. But I fucking hate to be completely robbed of that ability almost entirely.

I'm not totally sure how I'm going to deal with this... I think if I stopped taking the meds then the ability would come back but it's really not a reason to stop taking a medication because you should only do such a thing by a doctor's advice.

So now I feel like I'm stuck. It's great that I'm not pacing, I love that. But for the love of God do not take away my daydreams :( I am Faith, what's gonna happen to her? Who am I without her? I love her so much please don't take her away..

#my post #actually madd #madd #maladaptive daydreamer #maladaptive daydreaming disorder #:( ｡･ﾟﾟ*(>д<)*ﾟﾟ･｡#swearing cw #mental illness #mental health

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bitsandbobsofwriting · 2 years

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Gorgeous, excellent, perfection, absolutely exquisite. Lovely to see you back and every second was well worth the wait of reading more of your work. I cannot wait for the second part (except that I’d wait many years to read it still). Hope life is treating you as well as you deserve and that writing is still a fun hobby/outlet rather than a chore. Never feel obligated to write or to share, but please know that I’m grateful for every time you do.

(Merlin’s anger is wonderful and needed and exquisite cause you can still read all the protectiveness that it partially roots from while still seeing all the past slights that turned it into this quick temper when faced with the knights/Arthur. And Arthur’s earlier almost “where’s Merlin” was such a wonderful touch. Adore having some of Leon’s perspective thrown in there, he’s always a personal favorite. The connection between Merlin and Mordred and his ability to see the bigger picture, to forgive things that shouldn’t have been in question to begin with, the bond formed now that Merlin is not up close to it all is just lovely. I could go on and on because there’s not one piece that lacked my attention and love) -c

(Referencing This Fic)

Not me having to leave the living room and have a big happy stim and cry after reading this🥺

It's been really tough for me to get things out recently, not for any bad reasons, I'm just very busy and have a lot of other things that are giving me more motivation, but it means so much to me that I have people waiting so patiently for my stuff!!

I absolutely still enjoy writing, and when I get into it, I get really into it. I'm on a bit of a roll at the moment (touch wood), so hopefully that continues long enough that I can at least finish this fic😅.

And I'm glad you picked up on so much!!! Merlin is such an integral part of Arthur's life, he definitely struggles to cope long term with the fact that Merlin is gone and is actually for real not coming back this time. And I hate when writers dismiss the friendships between Merlin and everyone except Arthur, Lance, Gwaine and Gwen. Yes, he may have been closer to those four, but he still spent significant amounts of time with the others.

This will be explained in more detail later on in the story, but Merlin got to a point in his relationship with Freya where... waiting was no longer an option. He'd waited and waited, and Freya was happy to go along with it and would be happy to continue, but... Merlin wasn't? So yeah, he still cares about the knights and Camelot, he doesn't really want them to die or suffer too much, but he is angry, and he didn't really want to see them ever again, and he'd forced himself to stop prioritising destiny. Because it wasn't just himself he was dismissing now, it was Freya, and the life they could have together (that they now do have) if he'd just turned his back on the prophecies. So as hard as it was, he made that decision, and it turned out to be the best thing he's ever done, and not caring about the prophecies means... he can be objective when it comes to Mordred. He can begin to see him as just a scared boy with magic, just like him, with so much faith and a heart so big it hurts. And he resents Arthur more, outside of failing as The Once and Future King, because he saw a teenager, a child, hold up a sword almost bigger than him and say "I want to fight!" with his chubby fingers and puppy-fat cheeks, and said "Yeah, alright." and what the shit is up with that?! Ya know??

We ALSO say FUCK toxic masculinity in the next bit :)))

Anyway. Shit is gonna go down. But there will be a happy ending :D

I love you guys so much <3

#bbc merlin #freylin #arwen #merlin #arthur pendragon #mordred #bbc mordred #good mordred #send requests #send asks #asks #requests #merlin/freya #arthur/gwen #arthur and gwaine hold hands for comfort #because they're repressed #but not THAT repressed #at least not in my aus

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writingjourney · 8 months

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I would love to know your thoughts on what day to day life is like in the Ministry and if the Abbey was a real place and we could run away and live there what would your ideal role be? (Surprising no one, I would want to be in the kitchens haha)

This is such a great question that I had to sit on it for a while haha. I think it depends a little bit on the AU because I sort of have a lot of different Ministries in my head, most of which are for fics I have not written yet. But if I had to LIVE there for real I would probably choose the version I use for most of my fics which is sort of the safe space version where everyone is happy (and alive) xD

To me this abbey is organized a lot like we know it from monasteries/convents only without the gender separation and none of the restricting rules obviously. They would practice (more or less) a theistic form of Satanism, so the routines are influenced by the religious practice – prayer, mass, holidays/festivities etc. However, ideally I think how spiritual you want to be would be up to you, like if you actually share the faith or if it's more of a shared philosophical or moral mindset like real life atheistic Satanism. Because the whole idea is there is no punishment, there is no "good" and no "bad" satanist, just a community of like-minded people who meet each other in shared respect and mutual understanding.

In that sense I think things like confession or consultations would be a way to offer spiritual guidance and encouragement, to work through feelings of guilt and personal concerns etc. I think they would offer a few mandatory classes and a lot of voluntary classes to get everyone on the same level of what it means to be there and just to offer education you might not have been able to get before. But that's just because to me knowledge and critical thinking skills are the keys to living a self-determined life.

As for chores, I like to think everyone shares the basic chores like laundry, cleaning, upkeep etc. and then you have special chores that align with your personal strengths and/or interests. If I had to find a role that matches my real life educational field I would probably do something like in-house communication, write the abbey newsletter or gazette or whatever. If I could do anything I would rather do pretty much all that I've written about in my fics – work at the library, maybe be an archivist like one of my OCs or what's most likely I think is I'd be involved more on the scholarly side of things, translations maybe, do restoration work, do lots of research, maybe even be involved in teaching which is also something I've done. I think all of that would be my thing since it aligns with what I do anyway :)

I would absolutely love to eat your food though. Especially if it's any of the recipes from Banchetto because I'm obsessed with Italian cuisine and you make it even more appealing than it already is ♡

#thank you for the question ♡#asks #angellayercake #ministry headcanons #ghost headcanons

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aquarianwisp · 2 years

Text

How my life changed in the last two years

- Rehomed a pet and went through grief from the loss

- Ended my marriage

- Lived alone for the first time

- Began expiriencing seriously debilitating anxiety

- Convinced I was unlovable

- Got bullied at work

- Got bullied on dating apps

- Kept believing and praying and manifesting

- Met someone new and fell in love

- Realized they are the one

- Quit job because of bullying and crippling anxiety

- Got another job and then realized I'm not happy working 9-5 when I don't have a passion for the work

- Money making seems like a meaningless chore

- Started studying full time

- Started letting go of diet culture while learning nutrition

- Started being okay with my body

- New partner is very accepting and encouraging

- I decide I want to go to therapy

- Start going out for mental health walks and formulating my own health practices to look after myself

- Can call myself happy for the first time in years

- Creativity returns

Moral of the story, our lives get absolutely messed up sometimes. But I know now and can have faith that things always get better. And I can say that my tarot cards and spiritual practice really carried me through.

Keep believing. You will make it through eventually. Keep having faith in the good things, that silver lining. Things really do get better ❤️

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jasonp01 · 1 month

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Give Kids The Power To Make Their Own Decisions

As a parents, we will want our kids to become strong, sure of themselves, and adults who are ready to take on the world. Building a child's freedom and self-confidence is an important part their growth. By giving them jobs, responsibilities, and support that are right for their age, we help them grow and find out more about themselves.

Importance of Independence and Confidence

Imagine your child facing obstacles, making choice, and speaking their mind without fear. Building these traits from a young age gives them skills that will help them throughout their lives. Independence builds resilience, problem-solving skills, and a sense of success. Confidence gives them the strength to accept themselves as unique and handle the ups and downs of life with strength.

1. Age-Appropriate Tasks and Responsibilities

Giving kids age-appropriate tasks is the first step in teaching them to be independence. To help toddlers learn responsibility, simple chores like picking up their toys or putting clothes in the laundry basket can work. Having them help make meals, set the table, or take care of a pet can boost their confidence as they get older. Kids who are older can take on bigger tasks, like making their own schedules, doing their homework on their own, or helping with housework. Giving them jobs that are within their abilities gives them a sense of accomplishment and shows them that their work is appreciated by the family.

2. Encouragement and Positive Reinforcement

Praise and support are very important for building freedom and self-confidence. Even if things don't go perfectly, thank them for their had work. Honor their accomplishment, no matter how small. Positive comments like "You did your best" or "I'm proud of you for trying" can help them feel better about themselves, and give them drive to try new things.

3. Embracing Mistakes as Learning Opportunities

Kids need to know that making mistakes is a normal part of growing and learning. Tell them they shouldn't be afraid to try new things. When they fall, help them get back on track and show them the way. This method helps them become strong, learn how to solve problems, and have determination to keep going even when things get tough.

4. Providing Choices and Decision-Making Opportunities

Includes kids in the decision-making process to give them power . Giving them choices within certain limits helps them say what they want and learn how to make-decisions. Allowing them to make choices, like what to wear, what to do the weekend, or what book to read, helps them become more independent.

Conclusion

By teaching kids to be independent and have faith in themselves. The Growing Patch Preschool gives them wings to fly. We give them the tools they need to be strong, capable, and self-confident by giving them age-appropriate jobs, supporting them, and letting them make decision. So are you a parent and searching Top Preschool Near Me on Google ? The Growing Patch Preschool can be very helpful for parents who want the best chances for their children's growth. Every action we take to help become independent and confident helps them grow and prepares them to face to the difficulties of life with courage and strength. As a leading pre-learning school, The Growing Patch Preschool creates an atmosphere that lets kids discover, learn, and become independent, which sets them up for future success and happiness.

Pre Learning School, top preschool near me

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iamyourgreatperhaps · 1 year

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April 03, 2023 | Lenten Recollection

It was years ago since the last time I have attended a recollection as well as avail the sacrament of confession. I think the last time I did these was when I was still in elementary and I'm now in college. I know, it's been so long. I really think that for this year it's about growing and strengthening my relationship with God. So, the first topic of yesterday's lenten recollection was the three meanings of lent. I want to ask this question to whom who may ever read this "For you, what is lent?" Growing up, I remember seeing people with a cross of ash on their forehead every Ash Wednesday. I remember my parents bringing me and my siblings and seeing my relatives and friends together with many others during the way of the cross and the "Santo intiero". Also, I remember waking up at 3 AM during Easter to go to church and watch the "Angels" (kids dressed as angels) sing as Mama Mary meets Jesus. These are my memories of the lent and as a kid, I was oblivious as to why are we doing this. Back then, I really thought that we are doing this just because we have to since it's the yearly tradition of the church and nothing else. However, there's more to lent than just a catholic tradition. I now learned that the season of lent is also the season of spring for the church. We know that in countries with four season, spring time is the time where flowers bloom and plants grow. The natural world revives after winter. Similarly, lenten season is the time we grow and blossom as renewed christians because during this period we reflect deeply on the life we are living and on the person we have become. It is the time when we think of our sins and do penance and that after lent, we arise with renewed hearts and stronger faith. Lent also is about taking time to slow down in life. Everything in our world moves in fast pace. As soon as we wake up in the morning, we immediately prepare then go to school or work, and after work or school, more work awaits at home. Do household chores and take care of kids and so on. We were so busy with life that we tend to forget to take a moment and spend time with God. Lent is about taking time to appreciate and be thankful for the big and even the smallest things in life, it's about taking time to look at our life and see God and everything that he has done and continously do for us. This brings us now to the third meaning of lent. Everything that we have and had, even this life these are all from God. It is He who gave these things to us. Remember that when we borrow something then we have to return it. May we live our life following christ so that when the time comes when He comes down and get us He would be so happy to bring us to his kingdom.

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justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms · 1 year

Note

Howdy, I am here to go for one last match-up, as I want to move on to other things in life, such as trying to post a bit more often on Tumblr. As for the final match-up I'll be going with, I am thinking of going with 1 Genshin character from Inazuma and 1 from Sumeru, if that is cool with you?

In terms of info, while it is the same from the 1B and Pro Heroes post, I do have 2 bits of new info that has happened recently, recently I tried out the MBTI 16 personally quiz. In that quiz, I ended up getting INFP-T as my result and as for the end bit of new info, I am also considering on binge watching more Anime, I started off with watching through Saiki K, then a bit of Dragon Ball, then I started watching One Punch Man, with more anime I am considering on binge watching in the future, so if you have any suggestions for which anime you want me to watch, let me know

Overall, I think that it all I want to give out, I hope you have a nice day and remember to takea break from time to time, as your mental health matters!

Hello again Mason! Thank you for the request! Oh my goodness, the number of anime recommendations I could give you! I've given you a few recommendations below (as well as a few character related ones in the match ups) but if you want a longer list let me know! I'm always down to talk about anime!

Mob Psycho 100 - 3 seasons, about 40 episodes total. Similar to Saiki K and One Punch Man, and done by the same people who did One Punch Man (both the anime and the manga).

Fullmetal Alchemist/Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood - Two different series, 1 season and about 60 episodes each. This it's my favourite anime. Both the original series and Brotherhood are good but my preference is Brotherhood as it's more faithful to the manga.

Gurren Lagann - 1 season, 24 episode. A classic robot fighting anime done by Studio Trigger with so much more to offer than you see with a first glance. An amazing story, up there with some of my favourites.

Noragami - 2 seasons, 25 episodes. A tragically underrated series full of awesome fight scenes and an endof season cliffhanger that the fandom has been stuck with for the last 8 years. Thank goodness season three might finally be confirmed!

Let me know if you watch any of them; I'd love to chat about them! Alright! Onto the actual request!

In Genshin Impact, I match up with...

Yoimiya is a firecracker in more ways than one!

She will always be pulling you around Inazuma, even if it's just to do her chores. She loves spending time with people, especially those she cares about.

Super enthusiastic about your hobbies. She thinks it's amazing how you seem to make it look so easy making ???. She's definitely had a go herself and has a new found appreciation for your skills.

I don't see Yoimiya as someone who watches a whole lot of anime but she'll be more than happy to sit down and watch with you.

Her personal favourites are energetic, optimistic sport anime like Free and Haikyuu. Also a pretty big fan of Ya Boy Kongming for the music.

Time spent with Yoimiya will never be dull. She's always got something fun to do, and something nice to say!

I also match you with...

Colei is definitely someone who would get along well with you, both in a friendship way and a romantic way.

During times when she's bed ridden, she'd love to watch you work on your projects. She may not have the ability to join you but just know that she finds your hobbies very cool!

I fell like in a modern au, Colei would be into anime a fair bit but she would have a preference towards romcom shows like Love is War and Wotakoi. I also see her as a big Sailor Moon fan!

Restful, relaxing days spent cuddled up on the couch watching anime and eating snacks.

When she can go out and about, she would love to go exploring with you. Doesn't matter where, as long as you two are together and get to find a cool, out of the way spot to relax.

Colei would also love to have picnics in the places you two have found while exploring!

All in all, a very wholesome relationship! Colei well never fail to make sure you know how much she cares for you.

#match up #anime #genshin impact #colei #yoimiya

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recycledsurvivor77 · 1 year

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I almost tried to kill myself today. I wrote notes and prepared everything. I didn't even make it all the way down the porch steps before I pussied out.

There's this part of me that wants my life. I have this dream that I can eventually manage myself enough to do good for the people around me, enough to make things and work toward things I'm passionate about. It feels so unrealistic.

There was a time I was happy. Maybe I was drugged up and deluding myself, but I felt a love for life and determination to get better and do better. I relished the little things. I was doing so well. Then I let it all fall apart.

Even if I do take steps to improve, who's to say that it'll last? Why should I hope for anything when I have a pattern of utter failure?

I feel as though I'm being called. I imagine the force calling me as a corpse-like woman, beckoning me to her so she can wrap me in her sweet oblivion.

Why should I be happy, if it will only get ripped away? Why should I be miserable? Why should I continue to fail, hurting others in the process?

I can simply return from where I came. From energy to energy. This body needs to die. I need to see her. I need to end the cruel joke that is this life. I will be free. I will rest. My loved ones will be safe. I will be reborn when my soul and spirit are ready.

And yet, I'm a coward. The journey to my true mother is terrifying. And I am selfish and stubborn. I don't want to quit until I'm proud of myself. I don't want to bow out before I can look at my life and know I did everything I could.

I play games like Celeste, Rogue Company, and the Binding of Isaac. I love a challenge. I will throw my head against a brick wall until one of us cracks. So why am I so quick to give up my life? Game has rules. Losing the game is merely a setback rather than a devastating blow. Progress and improvement are noticeable even when the end result is still failure. Success is satisfying and builds to more success. I can take breaks when I need to.

Maybe life is less like a rigged game of poker, and more like Kaizo Mario. Nearly impossible, but I can do it if I learn the tricks I need to use.

I feel I have an impossible decision to make. On the one hand, I still want to make this life the best it can be. I'm not ready to give up yet. On the other hand, I want to see my mother. I want to rest. I want to be free from the physical world, even if it's only temporary. Neither option is entirely appealing.

S loves me. S wants me around. S believes in me. Maybe that'll be enough. Please, God, let it be enough. I gotta make it through. I gotta be there for S. I owe it to them.

I feel so worn-down. Bone tired. I'm twenty-five, and I feel ancient. Doing normal chores and making myself food feels like too much. I'm no good. I don't have the same amount of strength as everyone else. I wish I could live in a place where I could get prompts or help to do things. But doesn't that make me even more pathetic? Twenty-five and I still need help like a child. I can't understand what S sees in me. Or how whatever it is could possibly make up for the fact that I'm a retarded cripple. I'm useless. Their parents are right.

I don't know what I could possibly do about it, though. Leaving them isn't an option. I'm too cowardly to die. There's only so much I'll be able to do even if I do get better. Once again, no good choices.

I want to sleep forever. Just go to bed and not wake up. Get hit by a drunk driver. Get stabbed in an alley. I don't care. I want things to be better, but I have no faith that they can be. So I'm stuck in this awful limbo where I'm not moving forward, but not committing to dying, either.

I'm very sad, and all I want to do sleep.

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theinsignias22 · 2 years

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It's Only Getting Started

Identity Paper by Alyssa Dorado

Living as "Alyssa Marie Dorado" in the city of Koronadal, in the province of South Cotabato, can be a roller coaster ride. This small city has shaped me into the person I am today. It's full of both great and terrible experiences that have allowed me to be my own self by forming this concept of life based on what I've seen in it.

Growing up as the only daughter in a home with two older brothers was both a blessing and a curse. They'd all lavish me with presents and attention, but they'd also be quite protective of me because, well, I'm a girl. Although they’d let me wear and do what I wanted and have what I always desired, at the same time, I was handling all of the household chores. My freedom was very limited and the expectations for me were higher than the Mt. Everest; while they weren't too strict or pressuring me about my academics, they had high hopes for who I would become in the future.

It's funny how people around me have always assumed that, because of what they see in me, I was born with a silver spoon and grew up with a very luxurious lifestyle. I always dressed nicely, had these fancy gadgets to play with, brought delicious snacks with me, and so on. I wish it was all of that. In reality, they were all Auntie's gifts. My aunt spoiled me with attention and treated me as if I were her daughter. She treated me like a second mother. She adored me because she had no children and we lived next door to each other. She was strict with others, but she had a soft spot for me. She used to buy my school bags, and I’d picked the prettiest one that had barbies or princesses in it. She’d even pay my tuition if my parents were short on money.

My parents also adored me more than ever. They had this lovely relationship so that we could see and understand what love was. Their relationship was not the perfect one, but it was true and pure. They truly kept their vows, "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish," because despite having major problems or financial difficulties at the time, they remained together. They loved their children and gave us their all. We are incredibly lucky to be loved and protected by them. We didn't have the luxurious life that others assumed we had, but we were rich in love and happiness thanks to my parents. I was incredibly blessed to grow up surrounded by positive role models.

My mother always told me how she and my father begged and prayed to God for a daughter as children, and here I am, a wish granted by God himself. Both sides of my parents were very religious and had a strong belief in God. But, unlike my grandparents, my family and I were not very active in attending churches or other religious activities—we did go to church very often when I was young, but as I grew up, my parents got busy with work and we slowly stopped going to church. However, we maintained our faith and belief in God and always worshiped him regardless. I was always taught that even if we couldn't go to church very often due to our busy schedules and other responsibilities, we should always pray and keep ourselves close to our Lord.

Going to church wasn’t the only thing that changed as I grew up. There were a lot. My mindset, my feelings, and everything about me changes as time passes by. Although there were some changes that were hard to accept, it was for the best to let it be rather than suffer in pain each and every day. I have learned that nothing is permanent in life. Whether it was a good or bad thing, everything is dynamic. That’s why I came to the conclusion that I should cherish everything that I have right now and stay strong if ever a painful event comes by. It will all go away, and at the end of the day, I’m all that I have. Even though I had these wonderful people that surrounded me, I was all on my own.

I remember how I was always like that, even when I was young. I was always on my own. "All on my own" meant that I was always protected by a small bubble. I'm an introvert, so being close to everyone was out of the question. I’ve always had this mindset that there were only a few people whom I could trust in this world, and I made sure that the people I chose to be close to were true, genuine, kind people. But, despite my best efforts to avoid meeting people who could hurt and stab me in the back, it was unavoidable. I was an easy target for bullies because I was a shy and lonely girl. From nursery to eighth grade, I was bullied for being quiet and shy, and I was manipulated for the kindness that I shared. This caused me to doubt my worth and become insecure about who I was. Other than my family, I was fortunate to meet people who valued me more than I valued myself.

For 19 years, I have been through a lot of things and felt so many emotions in life that I never knew something could be painful yet so addicting. Some things made me happiest. I never imagined I’d be that happy. And there were moments in life that I wish hadn’t happened. There were some decisions of mine that I wish I had thought through before taking careless actions. But, I realized mistakes were a part of life and regrets were a sign of growth. My life is only getting started, and the people that I met, the moments that happened, and the memories that were made are the reason why each day I become much wiser and stronger than before to face my reality.

#IdentityPaper #WhoIAm #WhatMadeMe

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