#It's 7:30 am and I'm already awake

[unforth]

I had a day off yesterday.

And I can already practically hear the assumptions that such a statement is prompting the reader to make. Those assumptions are wrong. I don't mean I didn't work. I did, for about 8 hours. That's not at all what I mean.

I mean my wife took the kids out at 9:30, spent the night with her mom, isn't back yet the next morning.

There are things I NEED people on this website to understand about parenting. And I've talked about it before, and I'll talk about it again, because honestly the way that Tumblr as a cohort talks about parents makes me sick. Multiple polls have shown that only about 2% of people on here are parents. We're a huge minority, and we're constantly talked over, ignored, or accused of being bad parents (like, personally, I have had people reply to my comments or come on to my posts and tell me I shouldn't have my kids). In my case, being a parent means I'm almost 41, I'm married to @ramblingandpie, and our children are inching up on being 8 and 6 years old.

My entire day, and therefore my entire life, revolves around them. I'm up most mornings at 5 AM, because that's the earliest they're "allowed" to wake up, and so my brain just defaults to being awake around then - better to wake up before them, at least then I get a few minutes in the morning. Between 5 and 7, I sit with them, do my social media, work on side blogs, study Chinese. Then it's helping them get ready for school, then my wife or I or both get them on the bus, and then I work until the last possible minute, which is either when I need to go pick them up for an after school activity or when I need to go down and meet them off the bus. My afternoons are after school activities, chores such as washing the dishes and cleaning up toys, talking with them, working with them, playing with them. Their bedtime starts at 7:40, and my son gets scared if I leave before he falls asleep so I sit with him until about 8:15. As soon as he's asleep, I go fall on my face, sleep as best I can, then wake up and do it again. Overnight, it's hard to sleep deeply, because about once a week someone will wake up in the middle of the night and need help. That could be as minimal as a hug or as complex as having to completely change the bedding on a bunk bed at 2 AM while also comforting a child who is afraid they'll be in trouble, or afraid they're sick, or afraid of their nightmare, or, or, or. Further, if a child is awake, there is always noise. I usually study Chinese with two or more competing sources of noise. I read the same way. My life is loud, and active, and consists of constant interruptions.

I adore my family, and I love my children, but this is terrible for me.

I do all of this as an neurodivergent introvert. My clinical depression is at least medicated, mostly because post-partum depression after I gave birth the first time nearly drove me to suicidal in under a week (we were expecting this and were prepared, fortunately, getting help was as simple as a phone call). The constant noise and interruptions and forced socialibility are about the worst combination of home-life I could be subjected to. I spend far too many early mornings just breathing deeply and gearing myself up to be subjected to the wall of Loud, Boisterous, Needing-My-Attention that is every minute when anyone else in the house is awake.

So what did my day off look like?

I helped get the kids ready to go and did some morning chores. I'd been up at 4:30 AM so I also had already social media'd and studied. Then, while my wife finished the preparations, I started work, and I worked from about 8 am to about 4 pm, straight. I didn't get hungry so didn't bother stopping for lunch. No one interrupted me, no one asked me to look at anything they'd built, no one broke my concentration, no sounds could be heard except those I'd chosen myself.

I'd been out the day before at a local shopping street and listened closely to the things the kids said they wanted, so at 4 I grabbed a couple orders I needed to ship for work and drove to our local downtown, dropped the orders in a post box, then went back to the shops and did some Christmas shopping in the 45 minutes or so before everything closed. I think I'm basically done with what we'll get them - other bigger things will be left to grand parents - so that's a load off, I literally had a stress dream earlier this week about it being 12/24 and having forgotten to do the shopping and having to go to (oh horrors) the mall on the day before Christmas. (Reminder: I'm a Jewish atheist. It's just virtually impossible not to Holiday in the Culturally Christian Hellscape that is the US. Also, my wife is Christian. So.) Found something cute for my wife, too, even tho I already know the main thing I'm getting her. Then, I realized - one of my favorite restaurants is on that block. So. I went there. I sat by myself at a table, only the indistinct restaurant hubbub around me. I read four or five chapters of my book, and ate a savory crepe, and drank lovely fruit tea, and got a scone to-go that I'll eat for lunch today. It was more than I probably should have spent on myself - about $25, including tip - but fuck it. I only get maybe a handful of days off all year, and I'm allowed to indulge a little.

Then I came home. There were no lights on. There was no noise. I had considered doing some more merch work while watching TV on the actual television (my kids are too young for subtitled shows, so usually if I want to watch My Shows I either have to do it on my computer when they're not around, or put them on and read all the subtitles aloud while trying to keep up and process the actual meaning of what I'm reading). But when I got back, the quiet and dark was so goddamn NICE that instead I curled up on the couch and read more of my book. I did that until bedtime - still about 8:15, because I'm exhausted. Then...I went to bed. And I slept long and deep, knowing that there was no chance I'd be interrupted and woken up, I didn't have to be, even in sleep, alert to every noise and possibility that I'd be needed.

I'm still exhausted and burned out, but even one night to myself felt really, really nice.

Saying "Tumblr does X" as a universal statement is doomed to failure, but generally speaking, the parenting posts I see on Tumblr, the ones with tens or hundreds of thousands of notes, speak what's apparently widely seen as a truism on here: that unless someone wants to spend 24/7 with their kids, to be 100% emotionally available at all times, is always kind and patient and perfect, they are a bad parent, maybe even abusive. I remember when covid started, there were multiple posts actively mocking the "oh god, my kids are now home all the time, how am I supposed to do this?" attitude that a lot of parents posted in despair. WhY dId YoU hAvE kIdS iF yOu DoN't WaNt To SpEnD tImE wItH tHeM?

Look at what my usual day looks like.

Look at what my day off looked like.

Do you really think I don't want to spend time with my kids? Do you really think I don't love my kids?

But I'm not a fucking MACHINE. I'm a PERSON. That's what people on Tumblr seem to forget. PARENTS ARE PEOPLE. The same tumblrinas who post ~uwu be kind to yourself rest if you need to, you should forgive yourself for that mistake you made~ will turn around, with zero sense of irony, and post "you're a bad parent if you ever raise your voice around a child."

Expecting parents to be perfect means expecting parents to be inhuman. It also means that a parent can't be poor (can't spend all your time being the perfect parent if you have to work multiple jobs or weird hours!), can't be introverted (can't be a perfect parent if you're not completely emotional available, god forbid socializing is exhausting for you), can't be on the ADHD or autism spectrum (what do you mean you forgot to get your kid to a doctor's appointment once? what do you mean over-stimulation can make you angry? how dare you get angry at a kid!), can't be depressed (gotta get out of bed every single day, gotta always be upbeat, patient, happy, or else that's Evil), can't be (like my wife) physically disabled (what do you mean your hands hurt too much to hold a child's hand? are you denying them touch?? CRUEL). And when the only answer you can offer to that is, "if you can't be that perfect you shouldn't be a parent," then you're saying people who aren't middle class to wealthy, people who aren't neurotypical, people who aren't physically able, shouldn't have children.

And honestly...what the fuck is your problem?

I'm not perfect. I tell my kids to just leave me alone sometimes. I raise my voice, especially when one of my kids starts punching the other, but also sometimes just cause I'm exhausted and Can't Anymore. I've forgotten an appointment by accident and felt like a total fucking idiot, and I've skipped an after school activity because I just wasn't up for taking them. I've served them more unbalanced, unhealthy meals than I can count. I've made many, many mistakes, but I've also done my best, and I love my kids, and I hope that when they grow up, they'll still love me even as they recognize that I wasn't perfect, just as I've come to accept my own parents' short-comings while still loving them very much. They're people, too, and the older I get, the more I understand where they were coming from.

When I fuck up, I apologize.

When they tell me they're unhappy with something I've done, I apologize, and I try to do better. Sometimes I even succeed.

This shit is hard, yo. And it's getting harder every year.

I'm BEGGING Tumblr: you need to start seeing parents as people. The way y'all talk about parenting on here is toxic, and genuinely harmful, and frankly exhausting. You have no idea what the reality of raising kids is like, and you need to shut the entire fuck up.

I had a day off yesterday.

I might get one more before the end of 2023.

I already can't wait. I am so, so, so tired. sigh

(if you actually read this whole rant and even a single word of it resonated for you, please reblog it. I'm tired of never seeing positive posts about parenting while I see negative ones with a bajillion notes.)

#unforth rambles #parenting #momblr #nothing prompted this #i just think about writing posts like this all the time #because the low-level background buzz of how much tumblr hates parents is a constant stressor tbh #and every once and a while i tip over the line end up Writing the Thing #and so here we are again #god i have so much to do today and instead i procrastinate with this #oops

[bbyquokka]

1:16 pm (hhj)

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 | hwang hyunjin x gender neutral reader

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄 | timestamp, smut – 18+ is strongly advised!

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍��𝐍𝐆𝐒 | established relationship, dirty thoughts, consensual distribution of sexual pics/videos, sex toys, little bit of nipple play

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 | 0.8k ~ (896)

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄 | this won in the poll i did a few days ago! i hope you all enjoy! don’t forget to leave feedback, reblog and tell me what you think here. curious as to what is next? here is my wips list! i hope you all enjoy! ‹3

♡ m.list — ♡ you can also read it on my ao3

dont repost. dont translate. minors, ageless & default blogs; dni! feedback and reblogs are highly advised and appreciated!

he's bored. the meeting he is currently stuck in is boring. his eyes keep drooping, threatening to close whilst the tall coffee he got from the coffee shop is failing to do its job and keep him awake.

he's been cranky since the moment he woke up at five am. hyunjin wanted nothing more than to stay in bed with the person he loves, maybe even make love to you when you woke up.

either way, everything is irritating him, no matter how small or big it seems. his collar on his white shirt feels too tight around his neck. his blazer feels that it's constricting him. his suit pants feeling more and more uncomfortable as time goes on. 

he glances at his silver watch that sits on his wrist, groaning at the fact that he has 4 more hours of his superior telling him the same old stuff that he already knows. he knows the company needs to up their sales. he knows the company had a rough month last month. he knows because he looks at the numbers and puts it all together. because he was the one that made the superiors aware of how shit the company has been doing lately.

hyunjin's mind drifts to you. it drifts to this morning where he had to leave you. it drifts to how beautiful and ethereal you looked. your face all cute and smushed together. the duvet covering your body but somehow outlining your curves. the soft snores and whimpers of his name. the way you'd roll over into a more comfortable position and just flop on your back.

he wanted to ruin you. pepper your skin in kisses and bruises. caress your skin and your curves and listen to your sweet and beautiful moans in the form of his name whilst he watches your mind slowly cloud over and fill with nothing but thoughts of him.

fuck, hyunjin wishes he didn't have to attend this stupid meeting. 

as he listens to his superior drone on and on about useless information, he feels his phone vibrate. he frowns and pulls it out of his pocket, keeping it under the desk.

a message from you. he thought it was just a simple “good morning” message but as he opens it up, his eyes widen and throat becomes dry.

you sent him a video. a video of you bouncing on your clear suction dildo. you have your back to the camera so hyunjin can see everything so perfectly. the way the dildo disappears and reappears. the way your ass ripples with each bounce. how you lean forward slightly to give hyunjin that perfect view. unfortunately, his phone is on silent so he can't hear you but he can use his imagination.

he swallows thickly, eyes glued to the screen. his body heats up as tingles shoot all over his body and lay dormant in the pit of his stomach. hyunjin shuffles in his seat slightly, readjusting himself and crossing his legs to hide the growing erection 

hyunjin [7:30]: well, good morning to me i guess 🤤

yn [7:30]: good morning, hyun! 😇

hyunjin [7:31]: my love. you can't be sending me stuff like that. im still in a meeting! 

yn [7:31]: aw :( did you not like it?

hyunjin [7:32]: quite the opposite darling. i fucking loved it which is a problem when i'm at work 🫣

yn [7:34]: great! then you wouldn't mind if i sent you more stuff 😇😚

hyunjin audibly groans which causes heads to turn. he looks up, clears his throat and shoves his phone in his pocket.

“apologies. just family stuff.” the superior gives hyunjin a disgruntled grunt before continuing on with the meeting. hyunjin rolls his eyes, his mind now wondering back to the video you sent him and the possibilities of what's to come.

his mind wanders into a daydream. it wanders back to the video you sent him and how he wishes he was behind you, a handful of your hair and his cock replacing the dildo. how he wishes he could hear your screams and pleads for more. to see your body shake with intense pleasure and glisten with sweat. to see your knees bruise from the hardwood floor.

the more he thinks, the more he throbs. he adjusts and shifts in his seat for the nth time in a row. his hand grips and pinches his thigh as an attempt to calm himself down. he feels hot and wants nothing more than to loosen his tie and unbutton his shirt (maybe use said tie to bound your hands behind your back whilst he fucks you)

his phone buzzes in his pocket several times. he takes it out and unlocks it, revealing the treats you’ve sent him.

pictures and videos of you naked and in lewd positions. driving the dildo in and out of your hole, teasing your nipples and looking so perfect; too perfect for hyunjin's liking. 

hyunjin [8:49]: you're a menace..

yn [8:50]: please come home. i need you 🥺

“fuck.” he mumbles before stowing his phone back in his pocket and standing up.

“i'm terribly sorry but i have to leave. family emergency.”

and with that, hyunjin leaves the meeting room in a rush. his only goal is to get to you – even if it means getting an earful from the boss tomorrow.

#kwritersworldnet #wkcnet #straykidsland #skz smut #stray kids smut #hyunjin #hwang hyunjin #hyunjin smut #hwang hyunjin smut #hyunjin x you #hyunjin x reader #hwang hyunjin x you #hwang hyunjin x reader #skz x you #skz x reader #stray kids x you #stray kids x reader #skz timestamps #skz oneshots #skz scenarios

[cherryheartssblog]

THE YEARLY VACATION III

Summary: Each year Y/N’s parents take their vacation down to Florida for ten days and her dad’s yearly business trip. This time it’s different though, her dads hot boss Negan Smith is staying with them in their condo for the whole ten days. Y/N’s lustful thoughts that she had always had were about to grow into something much more than she ever imagined. More than just them coming true..

Characters: Negan Smith, The Reader, Grace(OC), Calvin (OC), William L/N (Readers Father), Catherine L/N (Readers Mother), Max (Readers Younger Brother), and a few other OC characters mentioning through the series.

Warnings: cursing, mentions of sexual relations, age gap (the reader is around is 21 or 22 and Negan is in his late 30s to early 40s.), daddy k!nk, SMUT, dirty talk, smoking w33d, unprotected sex, drinking!, quick car sex!, quickie!, teasing,slight embarrassing situations (second-hand embarrassment), jealous tendencies!, and not fully edited chapters.

A/N: i finally got this together and hope I can get day four together soon. ;) thank you so much on the love on this series! I'm coming together with tag list comment down below to join!

DAY THREE

Just like yesterday.

Y/N woke up with a jolt and felt an unfamiliar weight on her chest. As her eyes adjusted to the dim light, she realized that Negan was sleeping right next to her. Her heart raced with a mix of excitement and fear - what if her parents caught them? She stole a glance at the clock - it was 7 AM. The thrill of the forbidden made her pulse quicken as she wondered what the day might bring.

Y/N urgently shook Negan, trying to rouse him from his sleep. She knew they had to act fast. "Wake up, Negan! We need to move quickly," she exclaimed, her voice filled with urgency. Negan groaned and furrowed his brow, clinging to Y/N even tighter. She couldn't help but laugh at his childish antics. But time was running out. "Come on, we need to get to your room before someone catches us," she urged, feeling Negan's hands on her thighs.

Y/N's heart raced as she shook Negan's body, trying to wake him up. "Come on, we have to get ready!" she exclaimed. "It's 7 AM and my parents are already up and getting ready to go to the waterpark!" Y/N couldn't wait to spend the day at Big Kauna with her family, especially her little brother, who was thrilled about the adventure. Suddenly, Negan's eyes opened and he smiled, his hands cupping her cheeks. Y/N felt a surge of excitement and relief wash over her.

"You need to go back to your room."

Negan groaned out, turning over and grabbing his boxers and clothes from the floor beside him. She sighed in relief, holding the covers close and watching Negan fumble with his clothes back on. "Take a picture, sweetheart, and it will last longer." Negan's voice was deeper, still in his sleepy phase. Y/N's lips curled up, blushing a little from his comment.

Y/N laid in bed, her heart racing as Negan leaned in closer. "So this is what we're going to do every night, sweetheart?" he asked, a mischievous glint in his eye. Y/N couldn't help but playfully shrug, knowing exactly what Negan was thinking. "We could always try your room," she suggested, a sly grin spreading across her face. Negan laughed, the sound sending shivers down Y/N's spine. This was going to be an exciting night.

"Y/N, honey, you awake?" Y/N and Negan both froze in place. Negan's pj pants from the night before hung loose, his shirt still yet to be found. Y/N laid fully naked underneath her covers, hearing her mother's voice growing closer.

"Y/N? We need to get ready!" Y/N jumped up, almost falling out of bed, grabbing her robe from the chair beside her. Negan frantically searched for his shirt, but he could not find it anywhere. "You need to go out on the deck and sneak back into your room!" Y/N whispered, hearing her mother knock on the door.

"I'm coming, Mother!" She yelled; her palms were sweaty. Negan could not help but smirk, feeling adrenaline from the whole situation.

Y/N was feeling extremely annoyed by Negan's reaction. She playfully hit him out the door and asked, "I don't know where my shirt is, Negan. Can you help me find it?" Negan grabbed her hands and they both stood on the deck. Y/N rolled her eyes and groaned out loud, looking behind her quickly, hoping to find her shirt.

"I will find it later, now just go!" Y/N whispered, hearing her mother knock once more and the click of the door behind her. Y/N shut the deck door quickly, turning seeing her mother walk in her longer thicker robe. Catherine smiled at her daughter, who did not notice her shaky hands hiding bhind her.

"Sorry mom, I was just out on the deck." Y/N breathed out, her eyes falling to a darker shirt on the floor beside her dresser close to her mother.

Negan's shirt.

Y/N's mouth instantly went dry, her breath was shaky. "Uh-mother look I am about to get ready," Y/N quickly went up to her mother, holdign the door getting ready to get her mother out of there, "I will meet you down stairs."

Catherine smiled, laughing at her daughter. Well, good morning to you." Y/N smiled trying to realx, she felt so nervous. And if things just could not get worse, Negan's door opened across the hall, walking out in the pjs he had on and a new loose shirt.

He smiled at the two ladies turning to him, Y/N was froze in place she could not beleive how calm he was being. "Well good morning ladies, I thought I heard talking out here." Negan played it off so well, Catherine smiled greeting Negan.

"I was just telling Y/N to get ready, we will leave here in about an hour or so." Catherine told Negan the plan on when to leave. Y/N glanced one more time at Negan, excusing herself to get ready shutting the door quickly and now locking it.

Y/N breathed out, her face had to be red. She could feel sweat forming on the top of her forehead, quickly snatching Negan's shirt up. The smell of his colonge hit her, Y/N hated how it made her crave him more.

She threw it with her own clothes for now to hide it from being seen from her mother. Y/N started to see why Negan enjoyed almost behind caught, it was a thrill. Having to be quick to get out, him leaving his shirt behind.

Y/N blushed and snickered; she knew this would all be a fling. She could not get attached to all this, no matter how much she loved it.

--

Y/N hated how the tension was between her and Negan that morning. When she got herself to go downstairs, she helped pack up the car for the waterpark. The only thing helping Y/N was her brother Max's excitement for the park.

The line was small when they arrived at the park, just as her parents always liked it. They wanted the best seats, always renting tents when getting in. Y/N usually stayed with her brother, riding slides with him or tanning beside her mother, who read her book.

Y/N wanted to talk to Negan about everything; it was eating her alive, just keeping casual conversations in front of her parents.

When walking into the park, you could hear the water instantly. Music played loudly of older 2000s hits. "Y/N, we have to go on the race one!" Max was excited, following their parents to the tent for the day. Y/N knew she caught Nean's eyes falling behind him, standing beside her father, Willam, helping carry things.

"We will, I promise." Y/N laughed, getting to their tent and laying everything out for today. Max was getting ready to go with his goggles in hand. "Come on, you can put that stupid tanning stuff on later." Max rushed his sister, wanting to get on the Raceway quickly.

"Come on, Max, I'll get in line with you and do a race while your sister finishes up." William followed his son, who was explaining how it all worked. Y/N laughed, hiding her wandering eyes with her sunglasses, watching Negan behind her.

"Come on, Y/N," Negan caught her eyes, quickly turning away from her mother, who was already laid back with a book. "We can race together." Y/N's mouth parted, clearing her throat, she could not even find the words to say. "Oh, you two going against Max and William?" Catherine laughed, "Just make sure to race with your brother once." Negan snickered. He loved messing with Y/N when he could.

Y/N smiled, stood up, adjusted her bathing suit, and threw the tanning oil and her sunglasses in her chair. Negan's eyes trailed down her body as she was hugged in a pink bikini for her choice today. He noticed every detail, which was more of a higher cut than she had had yesterday on the beach.

"I am going to beat all of them anyway." Y/N shot back, heading to the slide. She knew Negan's eyes were on her, giving her hips a more dip when she walked. The two walked up where they had the boards to slide down on, hanging to head up the stairs to the slide.

"You think you're funny, don't you?" Y/N's face fell, the two standing in place for a moment; Negan laughed, shaking his head and grabbing his own board. "I don't know what you're talking about, sweetheart." Negan shrugged it off like it was nothing; Y/N scoffed at him, following him up the high stairs.

The line was short, but there was a slight wait as they climbed up towards the line, continuing the conversation, "I found your shirt, by the way." Y/N said, out clear as day; Negan stopped turning to her, and his face fell. "Do you want it back?" Y/N smiled innocently.

"You can keep it, sweetheart." He mumbled out, continuing his walk. Y/N scoffed, rolling her eyes and continuing to follow his tracks until they reached the line.

Y/N and Negan were about seventh and eighth in line; she could see her father and Max at the top getting ready to be next to race. "Are you regretting anything?" Y/N asked; she wanted to know, feeling tension grow with him as she stood in line.

"I haven't regretted shit." Y/N's lip pierced, biting back another smile, "I'm just trying to stop myself from throwing you back into that car in the parking lot and taking that tight bathing suit off and fucking you." Negan said his last comment quieter; Y/N's eyes met his, who was eyeing her down.

"Is that all I am good for?" Y/N was severe in a way, but her voice was playful and flirty. "Oh, sweetheart, you are worth more than anything I own." Y/N's eyebrows furrowed, the line moved up, and they were following.

Y/N followed him to the slide beside him, waiting on the go. "Are you sure you can do this, old man?" Y/N asked, but his comment kept playing in her head repeatedly.

She was worth more than anything he'd owned.

"Oh, you know I can." He winked, watching the light in front of them go green.

The water was cold, and the slide was quickly hitting the bottom; feeling water go up her nose, Y/N laughed, getting up from the water and wiping her eyes. Her father and brother were waiting down below, laughing. Y/N turned, watching Negan get up, "Who won?" She turned to her father and brother.

"I think it was a tie; that was pretty funny." William laughed; Y/N turned to Negan, who took her board from her to put it away. "We all know I won." Y/N smiled, butterflies still growing from his comment.

And man, did Negan look good; the water glistened off him. Y/N knew she had to be careful with her stares. She did not have her shades to cover up the eyes that roamed his body like she was eating him alive.

Y/N knew that this would not end when the trip did; not only did his comment stir that thought in Y/N's brain, but she could not help but think she was falling for Negan.

Y/N knew she could not.

She shouldn't.

But she did.

--

The rest of the day was relatively quick; Max kept Negan and Y/N's mouths shut, just sharing glances at each other. Y/N desperately needed to text Graice; so much had been going on she had not got to update her on everything that had gone down.

When they returned to the condo to wash up for dinner, she sent her everything that had happened. She trusted her, knowing she would be happier than running off to tell someone. Y/N could only see the messages now.

Omg, you fucked him. Was it good?

You fucked him more than once? You Slut!

Omg, girl, Cal is going to get jelly! I love this!

Y/N was right on point with her best friend's response to getting the nasty chlorine water out of her hair after her shower. Y/N saw the five text messages Gracie blew up her phone with.

3:45PM

Gracie: Y/N L/N, you fucked him twice? Girl, you better be careful. 

3:47PM

Gracie: But, girl, was it good?

3:51PM

Gracie: Of course, it was good you fucked him twice; oh, was he significant? 

3:55PM

Gracie: If you do not answer me, hoe, I swear to God.

3:57PM

Graice: Are you fucking him now? 

Y/N snickered to herself, sitting on her bed with her towel wrapped tightly around her body. She quickly shot a few texts back to Graice, knowing her parents would start rushing out the door soon for dinner.

4:01PM

Y/N: It was honestly the best I have ever had, and we are being careful. I will have to call you later. xx

Y/N quickly got dressed into a sundress, getting herself looking in the mirror and feeling satisfied. While cleaning up her products off the bathroom mirror, the door creaked behind her, causing her to jump slightly. Her body turned quickly to the older male behind her. Negan leaned against the wall, his arms crossed, his eyes scanned over her body.

"You look beautiful, doll." Negan complimented her, her lips pursed together to hide her smile, "Your mom asked me to see if you were ready to go." Y/N's eyebrows rose, her lips curled.

"I could have been naked, and you're just walking in on your co-worker's daughter?" Y/N playfully joked; her voice was flirty, turning off the bathroom light passing Negan. Her fingers gently crossedwent his chest, and the smell of his cologne hit her nose. His eyes looked deep into hers; Y/N could feel him undress her with them. "I did not think you'd mind, sweetheart." He leaned in more, and Negan's lips brushed hers. Y/N could not help but let out a whimper. Negan chuckled at the sight of the two RLs, her wrapped around his finger.

He loved it.

His lips were placed on hers, moving in sync. Y/N cupped his cheeks, and Negan tasted the lipgloss she had applied moments ago. His hands gently squeezed her neck, pushing her against the wall behind them. Y/N grabbed onto the side of the wall behind her for support. The simple kiss was becoming more rough, his tongue fighting with her own.

"My-my parents are waiting." She fought against his lips; Y/N was out of breath, trying to push him back a little bit, holding onto his bicep. Negan growled in defeat; she was just too perfect. He wanted her every second he saw her.

"I want you to come to my room tonight, baby." Negan rarely said it, but it sent chills down to her core. It would make her whimper out just the very word coming out of his mouth; she was so submissive to him. She felt she would do anything he said as long as he called her baby. Negan's fingers slowly dragged down her lip, his eyes never leaving hers as she just looked up at him, "I got something special planned."

Negan shot her a wink, motioning for her to follow her out of the room. His hands gently lay on her back, closing her bedroom door behind her.

"Let's get our game faces on, sweetheart."

--

The restaurant was pretty packed.

Catherine left to reserve a table while William found the nearest parking spot. Luckily, Catherine got them a table before they started running out of room.

It was a beach deck restaurant on the water where you could watch the sun go down over the ocean. They got a decent view of everything, seeing the boats passing by as well. Y/N rested her sunglasses on the tip of her nose, eyeing her menu.

Negan sat across from her, gently rubbing his foot across her bare leg. Her eyes tried to stay on the menu before her while the waitress ordered a drink.

“I saw this cute little mini golf place up here. Maybe we could check out tonight.” Catherine brought up, opening her on the menu. Y/N’s focus could not leave Negan’s face, his covered foot sliding more on her bare legs. Nothing was breaking her trance until she heard a voice that made her cringe.

As the L/N family approached, Natilie, Calvin's mother, boisterously exclaimed, "Well, well, well, look who we have here! Y/N, you look stunning - just like a doll!" Though her face was heavily made up to conceal her plastic surgery, I stood tall and confident. Catherine and William graciously stood up to greet the family.

Y/N's eyes fell on Calvin standing beside his father, Luke shaking her father’s hand. Negan’s eyes watched Y/N tense, trying to hide behind her smile; he could tell her she was highly uncomfortable.

“We were just heading out; guess you will be at the party in a couple of days?” Luke started a conversation with William, and Catherine kept her conversation brief with Natalie. They were not big fans of the family by a long shot, but they were very generous people.

Calvin gave a slight wave to Y/N, giving him the fakest smile she could have done without her family paying any mind; Max, even as clueless as he could be, noticed how much his sister did not want to be there.

"Hey, I'm really craving a whiskey on the rocks right now," Negan chuckled. He quickly closed his menu and stood up from his seat. "Do you need anything, Y/N? I can take you along to the tiki bar nearby." Negan offered to accompany her with a quick smile.

As Y/N took the opportunity to step away from it all, her stomach filled with a sense of relief. She confidently said her goodbyes to the family, not letting anything hold her back. Though Calvin's face fell, she walked past him with her head held high, making her way to the bar alongside the older male.

Y/N and Negan were finally able to escape to the bar. Negan looked over his shoulder to ensure that no one was watching them. He placed his hands on the small of Y/N's back, causing her to tense up before trying to relax at his touch. "What would you like to drink, doll?" Negan asked Y/N while signaling the bartender over with a whistle.

Y/N confidently requested for a drink, not caring about the type. Negan promptly ordered them both a whiskey on the rocks. Y/N eagerly gulped hers down as soon as Negan handed it over, while he leisurely sipped his own, smirking.

“Do you need another one?”

“I need a shot is what I need.” Y/N joked handing over her glass to Negan; he quickly reached the bar without an eye on him for the whole bottle of whiskey. He poured her another glass, letting her drink in silence.

“You don’t need to let him bother you like that.” Negan replied, “Ain’t nothing about him worth getting worked up about.” He chuckled at his comment, and it made Y/N smile a little.

“It’s not just Cal, it’s his whole family,” Y/N stirred her drink, “His mother practically begged me to get back together with him once she figured out why, she blamed his father. It was a huge problem, my parents even hate them and they like everyone.”

“Well, Nathan is a pussy of a man, that’s for sure,” Negan knew him well. He had worked with him for years; he knew he cheated on his wife on multiple occasions. Negan just worked with Nathan, making deals with him in the company; he was a good businessman. At least, “I take it Cal learned the ways of his father.”

Y/N took a sip from her second glass, feeling the rush of alcohol warming her up. She nodded in agreement with Negan, who was sitting next to her at the bar. "We should probably head back now," she said, glancing at her watch. "My parents must have run them off by now." She smiled at Negan, feeling grateful for the company. "I don't think I've ever had this much alone time with you," she said, filling her glass once more. "It's nice to just hang out and talk without any distractions." Negan grinned and gave her a playful wink. The two of them grabbed their drinks and headed back to their table.

“That’s the only time you want anyways.” Y/N rolled her eyes playfully, sharing a laugh with the older man. She tried to keep her hands from touching him; Negan’s hands were also tempted, walking up the stairs back to their table to her waist. “I like you more than just for that, sweetheart.” Negan assured her she was not just some fuck and go, “Hell, I like you a lot. And I love the sex.”

Y/N’s face reddened, returning to the table and seeing the Pearson family finally leave. “There you two are, thank you, Negan. I know Y/N was dying to get away.” William pulled his seat back up for his daughter, her eyes meeting Negan’s.

“I didn’t wanna seem rude, but I know a distressed woman.” Negan’s eyes never left hers, and he tried to shake off this feeling he was getting from this young woman.

What was she doing to him?

—

It was a quick night out; Y/N’s family and Negan played a round of mini golf at a cute local place close to the condos. It was pirate-themed, a newer one her family had never been to. William and Negan were the top winners; even Max did better than Y/N in some moments.

Upon returning to the condo, everyone was completely drained from the effort of reaching their respective rooms as quickly as possible. Y/N, feeling the weight of anticipation and excitement, knew that she would be sneaking into Negan's room that night. She carefully retrieved the deck from her pocket and made her way towards his room, her heart racing with every step. As she closed the door to her own room for the night, Negan's words lingered in her mind, echoing through her thoughts.

I have something special planned, doll.

Y/N wanted to squeal excited; she did not know why she was getting so worked up. Y/N started to lay out her nightwear for the night. Leaving her clothes on from the night out, she headed to the deck to go to Negan’s room.

Y/N was feeling nervous and had butterflies in her stomach. She made it to the glass door which was covered in blinds and gave a light knock. She looked over her shoulders and checked her surroundings as she waited for a response. When the door opened, Negan taller figure stood above her, smirking down at her. “Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.” Negan teased, her face reddened entering his room. Her eyes scanned his room, she had not even seen his room yet.

Y/N couldn't help but feel a sense of anticipation as she stepped into Negan's room. The space was familiar, with the same size bed and bathroom off to the side, but there was a buzz in the air that hinted at something exciting to come. The sea shell lamps beside the tables cast a warm glow over the room, and Y/N couldn't help but wonder what Negan had planned for them. As she looked around, she noticed that Negan's clothes were carefully organized in the closet, as if he had gone out of his way to make sure everything was just right. When Negan's eyes met hers, Y/N's heart skipped a beat. He stepped closer to her, pulling out his phone and wiggling it in the air as he grabbed the car keys from behind the dresser. Y/N couldn't wait to see what adventures awaited them as they headed out into the night.

Her eyebrows furrowed, “I texted your father I was going to head out for a bit,” Negan smiled, “I didn’t tell him his daughter was going to come with me, though.” Negan opened his bedroom door, checking out to see if everyone was asleep. Y/N's face widened, and her mouth parted slightly. She could not find words to say.

“I figure y’ lock your door, and no one should bother you anyways for the rest of the night.” Negan gave her the idea for that night, “take the deck back to your room tonight or tomorrow.” His lips curled, sending a wink her way. This man was making her speechless.

“Negan, you can not be serious.” Y/N laughed. She was shaking her head. She could not believe him. Where did he even want to go?

Y/N's hand felt heavy as it rested on her forehead, her mind racing with thoughts of what could go wrong. She watched as his hand reached for her, beckoning her to follow him. Despite her guilt, she couldn't resist his charm and the moment's excitement. The two of them quickly slipped out of the house, careful not to be seen by anyone.

“You’re worse than half of the boys I dated that snuck me out of the house,” Y/N whispered, shutting the garage door behind them; she knew that if they got caught, they could talk themselves out of this one, she hoped. But other times, when they are half naked or even bare naked in bed together, there is no explaining that.

Negan chuckled, opening the door for her. She got in, and Negan got on the other side, getting them out of the condo area. It was later in the night; most places were starting to close. Y/N's mind wondered what they would do once they started to hit town.

“Where are you taking us?” Y/N finally asked Negan, and he was quiet momentarily, keeping that smirk on his face. “You hungry, sweetheart?” He turned to her. Y/N was still pretty full from dinner; they always had bigger meals on vacation.

“I think I’m okay, and most places are closing now.” YN knew everything closed from 10 PM to 12 AM; the town would get quiet afterward, and security roamed the beaches. “Well, I know this ice cream shop is open til later,” Negan suggested. Y/N's lips curled, her fingers playing with the ends of her dress.

“Negan, are you suggesting a date with me?” Y/N’s voice was flirty, and her hand fell to his upper thigh, rubbing it gently. His snicker sent chills down her spine. Y/N maintained her confidence, “More specifically, an ice cream date?”

Negan's hand rested on hers, sending shivers down her spine as his voice whispered, "I'd say it's a date, sweetheart." He took her hand away from his thighs, holding it in place. "But I know you deserve more than just an ice cream date," he added with a hint of excitement in his voice.

As Y/N and Negan drove along, they couldn't stop laughing and enjoying each other's company. Suddenly, Negan's blinker turned into a charming ice cream parlor, with a colorful sign displaying the flavors of the day. The place wasn't too crowded, with only a few people sitting outside, savoring their delicious ice cream cones and thick milkshakes. The sweet aroma of freshly made waffle cones filled the air, tempting Y/N and Negan to step inside and indulge in a tasty treat.

“I’m glad I did not change into my PJs for this.” Y/N joked Negan’s eyes met hers before getting out of the car. “I should have kept it clear to stay dressed for this occasion.” Negan hands rubbed her bare thigh. He kept making her smile, and he loved it. The way her face would reddened, her lips piercing with a smile.

It made Negan a happy man.

—

While in a car parked in a lot near the ice cream shop, Y/N and Negan shared their ice cream. Y/N opened up to Negan and shared things with him like she would with Gracie. During their conversation, Negan also talked about his life and the passing of his wife. Although their conversation was not always pleasant, it mostly revolved around sweet topics.

“You can not tell me that you never had car sex?” Y/N was stunned by Negan’s comment. They were sharing the craziest places they had sex; she bit into her cone, watching Negan laugh. “Never did, sweetheart,” Negan replied honestly, “Did it in public before, not in a car, though it seems too crowded, doll.” He motioned around them; Y/N's eyes wandered to as well as her mind,

“We could test a theory.” Y/N licked the ice cream, dripping onto her fingers slowly. Negan watched her, his eyes scanning her. He chuckled, which seemed darker. She could see his eyes even go darker with lust. Y/N got closer to him, her hand resting on his thighs. Negan’s face tried to stay serious, but he felt tension grow. He growled under his breath, letting his hand slip up, pulling down the strap of her dress.

“We need to be quick, sweetheart.”

Y/N was instantly on him, his lips crashing onto his. His hands went up hee dress to her hips, squeezing them roughly. She moaned with his kiss, feeling his nails dig into her.

“We need to get in the backseat.” Y/N mumbled against his lips, both climbing into the back. "I want you to fuck me," Y/N was desperate for him, Her voice was hoarse as a smirk spread across his lips. She grinded into his thighs, her hands wrapping around his neck.

"Were you not taught any fuckin' manners?"

“Please.” She begged, laying her down on the seat above her.

Y/N waited for what felt like forever to feel his touch on her. Y/N groaned in frustration, the anticipation killing her.

"Please..." she started to plead in whimpering gasps. Sweat forming on her forehead, the ache in her cunt becoming unbearable. "Please fuck me, Daddy."

“That's a good girl." Y/N felt his breath against his neck and within seconds she felt her insides burn as they were stretched open. Negan had his cock buried completely inside l hee. She let out a moan feelinf his free hand cover hee mouth. His thrust were rough, the car steaming up.

Y/N could feel the orgasm building.

Negan was unforgiving and relentless. The sound of skin slapping against his accompanying the moans and heavy breathing from the both of them. Fuckin' fuck... fuck..." Negan grunted with each thrust.

He seemed to thrust deeper still, hitting a part of you her felt like it had never been touched before. Y/N whimpered again, feeling his hands dig into her thighs once more, she knew she was close. His thrusts were sloppier feeling himself get closer with her.

Y/N moaned against his hand, clenching around him feeling herself come on his cock. Negan could feel her wetness drip down him which sent him over the edge.

“You dirty fuckin' slut," Negan whispered into your ear. "I can feel your cum dripping down my fucking legs.“ Her eyes rolled back of her head, digging her nails into his shoulders. Both out of breath, Negan placed kisses on her neck slowly.

Everything was perfect, too perfect.

#negan smut #negan x reader #the walking dead #negan fanfiction #negan x y/n #negan fluff #negan x oc #negan x you #neganau #negansmith #negansmithsmutfanfic #negansmithsmutau #negansmithseriessmut #negansmutseries #negansmut #NeganSmithAU #negansmithtwdsmut #negantwd #negansmithsmut #negansmithfanficsmut #negansmithausmut #negansmutau #negan smith #negansmithsmutseries #negan smith smut #negansmithseries #smutseriesnegansmith #twdsmut #negan x reader smut

[otdiaftg]

It is half past seven, which means Wymack has been up for hours. Neil straddles one of the benches and calls him. Wymack answers on the second ring by saying, "I don't know what amazes me more: that your phone is actually turned on or that you're awake this early on a Saturday morning." "Coach, the changing room is clean." "Yeah, I know. Abby and I took care of it last night after you left." "I'm sorry," Neil says. "I was going to clean it this morning." "Didn't I tell you not to worry about it?" Wymack demands. "You told me not to deal with it yesterday," Neil says. "Whatever," Wymack says. "You can make it up to me later. Actually, what are you doing now that I've ruined your morning plans? Nothing?" He waits for Neil's affirmative and says, "You can sort through files with me instead. I'll lug them over and grab breakfast on the way. Or did you eat already?" "Not yet," Neil says. "I'll wait here." Wymack hangs up.

Day: Saturday, January 20th Time: 7:30 AM EST

#aftg #all for the game #neil josten #tkm #the kings men #the foxhole court #andrew minyard #palmetto state university #psu foxes #andreil #on this day in aftg #otdiaftg #palmetto state foxes #otdi all for the game #nora sakavic #the foxes #on this day in all for the game #kevin day #nicky hemmick #aaron minyard #coach wymack #betsy dobson #abby winfield #matt boyd #dan wilds #renee walker #allison reynolds

[bellysoupset]

omg i have an idea feel free to regard or disregard

what if jonah and angie get into a fight and it’s the first REAL fight they’ve had bc before she was kinda too young to actually engage in any kind of actual fighting.

but it truly throws jonah WAY off his game (cue the nervous stomach) he’s moody and upset and distancing himself from the group.

when leo finally manages to shake the truth from him he kinda breaks down and tells him that he thinks he drover her off and she isn’t gonna want to speak to him anymore.

- 🧝‍♂️

Alright, alright, alright. I was so excited about this request, I changed the order of my WIPs. Basically, you requested exactly what would catapult the Angie&Jonah plot I had been thinking of since last year.

I hope you like it!

-------------------------------

Leo was deep in the throes of sleep, curled up under two different blankets and with JD purring against his stomach. He had never been so comfy.

So when he heard the front door shutting with a loud noise, Leo only groaned and curled his arm tighter around his cat, refusing to deal with whatever issue it was. Somewhere in the recess of his mind, he could hear a whisper fight down the hallway and then Jonah saying, far too loud for how late it was, "I'm not gonna even answer that, Angelina. We'll talk in the morning."

More whispers, so Leo let out a sigh and opened his eyes, refusing to move. JD had crawled inside his hoodie's front pocket, only her head was poking out. He lazily scratched her behind her ear, turning slightly on the bed and rubbing his eye with his opposite hand.

"Don't bother," Angie's voice, louder than Leo expected it. Normally she was incredibly conscious of not bothering others. Leo dizzily reached for his phone, squinting at the clock. 12:30 AM. Terribly late for them to be just arriving, they were only supposed to go out for a movie.

JD meowed, crawling out of her hiding place in his pocket and nuzzling her head against his chin, before jumping from the bed and slipping out of the bedroom the minute Jonah harshly opened the door.

Leo pushed himself up against the pillows, yawning, "what's going on...?"

"Not now," Jonah's voice was like a whip and he shut the door with more force than necessary, marching to the bathroom. He slammed that door shut as well and Leo raised his eyebrows at the display, but didn't bother getting up; By now he knew that trying to get through Jon when he was in such an awful mood was a terrible idea.

Leo stretched, checking his alarm and then stripped down his hoodie, rolling on the bed and pressing his face to the pillow. He was just about to fall back asleep, lullabied by the sound of the shower running, when the bathroom door opened once again, this time much quieter. 

He didn't bother speaking up, hearing Jonah walk around softly in order not to wake him up, changing into his silk pajama pants and then slipping under the blankets.

Leo turned his head in Jonah's direction, then reached out clumsily, grabbing his hand, "Jon?"

"No," Jonah squeezed his hand, before pulling back as if it burned him, "not tonight."

"Jonah-"

"No, Leo," Jon scoffed, turning his back to Leo. He saw the other man's shoulders go up with a deep breath, but they didn't come down, nerves wound up tight.

"Okay," Leo sighed, scooting closer and going to cuddle him, but Jonah flinched away, "Jon-"

"Please, just leave me alone," Jonah groaned, voice all rough and weird. Speaking with a knot in his throat.

Leo pouted, but nodded in the dark, squeezing his boyfriend's bicep, "Goodnight."

He turned back around hugging his pillow and Leo was still awake, nearly an hour later, when he heard Jonah's breathing slow down, finally getting pulled under by exhaustion.

Four out of the five working days of their week, Leo got up first. Since it was Wednesday, he went in at 8:00 AM and was up at 7:00 AM, as usual. Except Jonah wasn't in bed.

The day was already shaping up to be a weird, stressful one.

Leo stumbled into the bathroom, noticing the mirror was fogged up and there was the smell of mint, indicating Jonah wasn't just up and sulking somewhere, but actually ready for his day.

However, when he got out of the bedroom, now finishing up buttoning up his shirt and ready for a tall mug of coffee, there was no sign of Jon... And the guestroom door was open. The bed was made. Angie's toiletries bag was gone from the dresser.

Leo's heart sunk to his stomach and he looked around the kitchen, in search of something. There was a note under his coffee mug, but the handwriting was all round and delicate, nothing like Jon's left leaning, fancy one.

Sorry I didn't say goodbye! Things got weird. Take care. XOXO, Ange.

Fuck.

Leo raised his eyebrows, folding the note and slipping it in his pocket, before running back to the bedroom to retrieve his cellphone and check if there were any messages from Jonah or Angie, but there was nothing. Radio silence.

He called and called, then waited until he was pretty much late for work. However, Jonah didn't pick and neither did Angie, so Leo had no option but to go to his job, concerned out of his mind.

Around 1 PM, when he finally got his lunch break, there was a text message on his phone.

Wicked-Witch-Of-The-West: Call me when you're free. Important.

Leo rolled his eyes at Wendy's matter of fact text, calling as he waited in line for his subway order. It rang only twice before she picked up.

"Hi," she sounded breathless and didn't wait for an answer, "Jon's in a bad shape. Do you want me to drive him home or should I call a cab or can you-"

"Bad shape?" Leo frowned, handing the cashier his credit card and retrieving his sandwich, "meaning?"

"Meaning he's laid out in the doctor's quarters and he's puked twice already. He wanted to keep working but Stewarts kicked his ass and said he should go home instead of spreading germs everywhere..." Wendy hesitated, "he says he's not sick and I think I believe him, but I have no idea what's going and he won't tell me and he sorta yelled at me and I told him to drown in the toilet so now I can't- I mean, I can, I absolutely can drag his ass home, I just-"

"Wendy," Leo interrupted her, snorting at the mental image, "I'm on my way. It's my idiot, I can handle him."

"Right," Wendy didn't sound very sure, but Leo ignored her tone, "should I tell him...?"

"No, just give me clearance to go to the doctor's quarters. I think the security is going to have my head if I barge in again."

"Okay, okay. See you soon."

Wendy hadn't been exaggerating, but Leo also didn't expect anything less after the weird morning it had been so far. Jonah was inside the doctor's quarters, sitting in the little brown couch, his head thrown back as he stared at the ceiling, a hand resting on his stomach as if he was contemplating if he was about to puke again or not.

"You look great," Leo said, unable to keep a vestige of bitterness out of his voice. He wasn't angry at Jonah for completely shutting him out last night and all of this morning, but he wasn't happy about it either.

Jonah grimaced as he saw Leo, "Wendy called you."

"Yep," Leo walked further inside, "let's go home?"

"I'm not sick, I can work-"

"Your supervisor kicked you out, Jonah," Leo rolled his eyes, "and honestly, I wouldn't trust you if I was a patient, you're super pale. Let's go home."

Jonah considered it for a second, not moving a muscle and seeming like he was wondering if he should argue, before his shoulders dropped and he nodded. He got up slowly, an arm still wrapped around his stomach, and went to retrieve his stuff out of his designated locker.

They didn't talk at all until they were outside of the hospital, Wendy waving timidly in their direction as they passed by the office where she was just welcoming an elderly patient.

Jonah all but threw his stuff in the backseat of the car, before sighing heavily and resting his forehead to the cool metal. Leo paused, not entering the driver side.

"Jon?"

A sickly little burp answered him and then Jonah spread his legs apart and ducked his head between his arms, bringing up a thin stream of vomit without even retching. 

It wasn't much, but still he stayed in that weird position, breathing heavily. Leo sighed.

"Aww Jonah," he circled the car, planting a hand in his boyfriend's back and rubbing a wide circle, "baby, whatever it is, I promise you it's not as bad as your head is making it seem. Please talk with me...?"

Jonah shook his head, letting out a strangled noise and Leo groaned, pressing a kiss to his shoulder and carefully side stepping the mess on the ground, "are you done?"

"I don't- I don't know..." Jonah stumbled slightly to the right, "my stomach hurts."

"Wendy said you got sick twice already, you're empty, baby," Leo opened the passenger door and pushed Jonah inside, "c'mon, get in."

Leo's heart was in his throat as he drove them home. Jonah being cranky or sullen wasn't new, but him looking this distraught and refusing to talk about it was.  He planted a hand on his boyfriend’s thigh, squeezing it and rubbing up and down.

"You're freaking me out," Leo admitted quietly, "you and Angie had a fight?"

Jonah nodded, hand clutching his belly and folding in half, until his forehead was resting on the dashboard. Leo moved his hand from Jon's thigh, to his back and sped up a little more.

"What about?"

“I fucked up,” Jonah said in the smallest, most heartbroken tone Leo had heard in a long while. He had heard something like that back when they fought on the side of the road and Leo had accused Jonah of cheating completely out of the blue, ruining his proposal, but this time it was different. It wasn’t just angry and sad or offended, it was… Guilty.

“What happened?” Leo pulled the car into the garage of their building and Jonah let out a groan at the movement, opening his door as soon as the car stopped and gagging fruitlessly, but his body had nothing else to eject.

Leo unbuckled his seatbelt, thanking god his car was so old it didn’t have an alarm for that, and got on his knee on the seat, so he could lean over the handbrake and rub Jonah’s back as he continued to dry heave, his stomach long done with his messy breakdown. 

“Jon?” 

“She- She wanted- I told her no and -” Jonah sat up straight, bringing a shaky hand to wipe the drool from his lips and closing his eyes, chest heaving with effort, “fuck, Leo…”

“Start from the beginning, okay?” Leo leaned in, stroking his cheek with his thumb, “you guys went out for dinner and a movie. What happened?”

“She wants to travel before college starts,” Jonah opened his eyes and finally said in a calm, collected voice that didn’t belong to him, “and she wants me to come along.”

Leo frowned, thumb stopping the stroking motion, confusion washing over him, “I’m sorry, uh… What? This is good, right? Travel where-”

“No,” Jonah shook his head, “it’s three months, Leo. She wants me to tag along for three months-”

“I don’t-”

“I said no,” Jon whispered, pressing a fist to his mouth, muffling an airy, sick burp, “I said no right away and she got upset I didn’t even consider it and then we argued and she said I wasn’t- I wasn’t putting in any effort at all and I told her- I called her childish and then this morning she said she wanted to go home and I drove her to the airport at 6 AM and- Fuck, I messed it all up, I don’t- She hasn’t even called me back-” his chest heaved as another retch tore up and Leo grimaced when this one was productive and Jonah dived once more in order to spit up bile and droll outside his door. 

Leo’s ears were ringing as he managed to put together what was going on. He kept a hand on Jonah’s shoulder as he continued to heave, gasping for hair, his whole face getting that tingly sensation it did before a panic attack. 

He forcefully breathed in through his nose, tightening his grip on Jon, “you said no because of me.”

More coughing and Jonah letting out a whimper. 

Leo’s heart started to hammer away, the ringing getting worse. He felt claustrophobic, suddenly wanting to be out of the car, out of the garage, his own mind… 

“Leo?” Jonah sat up straight once more, all clammy and sweaty, looking gray, his hazel eyes pained, “baby?”

“I-I…” Leo pulled back, raising a hand to keep Jonah from touching him or saying anything, “gimme- give me a minute.”

Jon raised his eyebrows, but nodded, and Leo lowered his forehead to the steering wheel, trying to ground himself. He counted to ten, then backwards, taking slow breaths. It was like a waterfall was muffling all noise. Jonah mumbling something in the far distance, underwater. 

“Why did you say no?” Leo asked, refusing to lift up his head and meet his fiance’s eyes.

Jonah let out a scoff, “she can’t just expect me to uproot my whole life to go in a little backpack trip through europe-” 

“Jon.”

“I just proposed to you,” Jonah’s tone got a whiny sound, “I can’t- You wouldn’t- We have a life.”

Leo forced out a breath, squeezing the steering wheel with all his force, until his knuckles turned white, “you didn’t think I’d agree.”

“I knew you wouldn’t,” Jonah rolled his eyes, then frowned when his answer caused Leo to turn to him fast as a snake, looking visibly angry. 

“You couldn’t have known, you didn’t talk with me-”

“Oh shut up, Leo,”’ Jon rubbed at his chest, making a face, “you throw fits over Wendy, why would I think you’d be alright with me leavi- Leo?” he interrupted himself as the blonde swore and got out of the car, slamming the driver’s door shut. 

Leo folded in half, planting his clammy hands to his knees and trying to breathe. He hated that Jonah was right, he had no reason to think Leo would agree with this, since he had done everything to disprove that notion. Leo squeezed his eyes shut, feeling childish and guilty and horrible…

“Leo?” Jonah had shut the car door and was leaning on the trunk, planting a tentative hand on his elbow, “baby?”

“You didn’t ruin it, I- I did,” Leo gasped, flinching away, “that’s why she didn’t bother saying goodbye-”

“She’s seventeen and being ridiculous,” Jonah scoffed, “I have a life, Leo. A full residency happening, a job, a wedding-”

Leo shook his head, “you’d put these things on hold for her,” he half accused. Not out of bitterness, just certainty. Jonah was the type to know exactly what he wanted, always. The only reason for him to be this distraught, was because he knew he wanted to go and had still said no, not out of his own volition, but-

“You’re spiraling,” Jon stepped closer, or rather stumbled, still unsteady on his feet, but worry overriding everything else, “baby, look at me. You’re freaking out-”

“I’m a jealous, possessive prick and you’re ruining a really nice opportunity with your sister because you’re afraid I’ll lash out,” Leo surmised, glaring at him and daring Jonah to contradict him, “and you’re not even wrong, because I probably would have.”

There was a beat. Jon unable to deny something that was the objective truth and Leo scoffing as he realized the bitter reality of his own words. 

“That’s just fucking great,” the blonde said after a minute, stepping closer and leaning on the trunk as well, shoulder to shoulder with his boyfriend. 

Jon turned his head, then sighed and planted his cheek to Leo’s shoulder, “I’m sorry.”

“You’re not the one who should be apologizing,” Leo intertwined their fingers, rubbing his thumb over Jon’s engagement ring. It was similar to his own, except instead of having a small baguette diamond in the center, it had a bunch of little gems the thickness ridge, “I’m really, really sorry, Jon.” 

“It’s fine-”

“I think you should go,” Leo squeezed his hand, interrupting him, “I know how much you want to be close with your sister and yeah, the idea is a little- A little silly and you do have the residency, and the hospital-”

“And the wedding,” Jonah stressed, squeezing his hand back and Leo shrugged. 

“The wedding isn’t happening in three months, Jon,” he rolled his eyes, “look, I know it’s not a get up and go decision, but I also know you’re the type of guy who could solve all the other variables. So if the only thing holding you back from agreeing is me, don’t. It’s just three months, baby.”

Jonah let out a little bitter chuckle, “and then I come back and you don’t wanna marry me anymore? No way-”

“Don’t be an idiot, that wouldn’t happen,” Leo scoffed and leaned on his fiance’s side, “I love you. I love you so much… It’s just a trip with your sister, it’s not the end of the world. We can wedding plan from a distance-”

“Have you met me?” Jonah whined and Leo opened a smile, letting out a relieved breath.

“I have, yeah,” he jumped up, sitting on the closed trunk, “I know you’ll want to micromanage everything, but I’m sure you can do that from Europe, right? We haven’t even settled on a date yet...”

Or on anything, really. The proposal had been its own thing and Leo was still basking in the fuzzy sensation he felt whenever he looked at his ring, so they were letting it settle in before deciding on the next move. 

Now it seemed they’d need to make up their minds quicker. 

“Okay,” Jonah said quietly, removing his hand from Leo’s hold and wrapping both arms around his stomach, “I… I think I need to call Angie, then.”

“Let her calm down,” Leo grinned, planting a hand on Jon’s nape and squeezing it, pulling him closer so he could kiss his boyfriend’s temple, “she’s a Banks, she’s got a temper just like you do.”

“No, she doesn’t,” Jonah whined, but instead of pulling away, he fully turned and melted into Leo’s arms, hugging him, “I’m so scared I messed it up, Leo…”

“You didn’t, she’s seventeen,” Leo measured his words. He liked Angie and he’d like for Jonah to go on this trip, but that didn’t change that Angelina’s reaction had been of a teenager. A spoiled teenager at that, but he didn’t want to say that out loud, since Jonah and him came from extremely different realities, “she’ll get over it, I promise.” 

Jon mumbled something that he didn’t quite understand, so Leo squeezed him a little tighter and breathed out, looking around the parking lot. They really should go inside, before one of their fancy neighbors caught them wrapped up on each other like that and complained with the management. 

“We should get married in October,” Jon’s voice was muffled by his shoulder, but Leo heard him clearly. 

“Let’s go inside,” he turned his face, pressing his nose to Jonah’s temple and breathing him in, “and you can brush your teeth and get something in your stomach, then we’ll talk.”

“That’s not a no,” Jonah pointed out, not pulling back at all.

#i think i'm gonna get yelled at bc of this fic #but guyssss trust the process #mywriting #jonah banks #leo wagner #emeto #sickfic #nervous stomach #nerves #emetophilia #🧝‍♂️ anon

[jaded-jezz]

Secret Smiles

Hi, this is my first one-shot so I obviously had to have Jack Champion kick off this account! Let me know your opinions or requests too!

Please do not repost this, reblogs are appreciated.

Jack Champion x F!Reader

☁︎ Fluff

summary: your relationship with Jack is still private so you communicate across events in different ways.

The Emmy Awards. I've heard that so much recently that its starting to sound like a made-up word. I still get goosebumps every time I remember I get to attend these prestigious awards with my cast, friends and-

"Y/N, as beautiful as you look right now, it is time to get up"

And- my boyfriend.

Jack and I have been together for almost 7 months and due to me living in England most of the time, we have been able to keep it a secret. Our relationship is like that Taylor Swift song “London Boy” but flipped. Because god he loves the English.

I give in to the whispering voice and slowly start to stretch to wake my body up. As I open my eyes I realize the curtains have been opened and warm yellow light is pouring down onto the mop of curls bouncing around me.

"Compliments already Champion?" I ask grinning as Jack whips around to see I'm awake now, "Maybe I should stay asleep forever if you think I look that good."

"Yeah but then all my bad jokes would never be laughed at again" he says as he walks towards me offering his arm and bowing slightly, "M'Lady, breakfast is waiting and it'll be cold if we don't hurry" he exclaims in his best British accent before grabbing my hand and pulling me through the hotel room in a fit of mischievous giggles.

He had ordered my favorite from room service and had it set in front of the window with a view of the beach in the distance. Although I woke up later than planned we were still ahead of schedule so we took our time eating and just talking to try and ignore the nerves for tonight.

A knock at the hotel door made us jump and we remembered Jack was supposed to stay in his own room. I tried to whisper that he should wait somewhere until it was safe to leave but my manager and the rest of my team walked in. I'd forgotten they had a key.

"Oh... I let myself in as I thought you over slept but I can see-" She glances at Jack trying not to break her serious face, " you are awake and have company"

Everyone glances at each other for a few moments before erupting into laughter as it's almost an unspoken tradition that me and Jack don't listen to staying separate before something so nerve wracking as The Emmys.

Sadly, Jack was kicked out swiftly so that my team could help me with my hair and makeup and eventually get into my dress. This is one of my favorite parts of the day because everyone is talking and having fun while music plays as background music for us to dance, sing or just listen to. One thing we love to do is make TikToks about the process of my makeover.

I thrive off musical.ly transitions and the fans love it every time, and it makes me so happy. My fans have always been some of my favorite people. When I first started out I followed the first fan accounts and we continue DM regularly after all this time. But even though they are lovely, Jack and I are still wary of hate and also some of the threats that his fans may throw at me. We will tell people eventually but right now its fun to mess with them and give subtle hints for the detectives among the followers.

I am finally ready. I've finished the last parts of TikToks, taken photos and grabbed my bag of essentials like plasters, gum and tissues. I shoot Jack a text and he's at my door in less than 30 seconds. Even though he has seen pictures of my outfit, his eyes almost pop out of their sockets when I open the hotel door.

"Hey-" My face starts to go red after realizing why he has stopped talking "Jesus Y/N, you look gorgeous, like actually breathtaking, I need an inhaler, Do you have to pay for inhalers? Where do you even buy them from?" He rambles as he becomes flustered in front of the beautiful woman he gets to call his girlfriend.

I grab his face, to stop the word vomit, and kiss him trying not to smile too much. "Thank you Jack, you look as amazing as always" I retort "Is it hot in here, somebody catch me I am going to faint, Cause of death: Jack Champion" We both laugh before our managers tell us its sadly time to separate for the ride to The Emmys.

We text non-stop throughout the journey talking about everything that has ever happened because neither of us can stay on one topic without branching off into a rant or an important piece of backstory to the first conversation. But Jack has to arrive at the theater first so that he can walk the carpet at a similar time to his cast mates, and so that I can do the same. So we text our goodbyes.

Stepping out of the car onto the carpet with fans shouting and cameras flashing is a feeling I will never get used to. The rush hits me as I remember to smile and walk properly to not look like Bambi on ice. My manager is that my side lightly guiding me towards the queue of celebrities next to the paparazzi for our official photos. I use the waiting time to scope out the brown head of hair that will calm me down.

I hear him laughing before I see him. He is doing an interview with one of his favorite cast mates and I feel my face already start to ache from smiling at him. However he doesn't spot me until I'm on the carpet.

(Jack's Interview- Jack's POV)

"So yes, we are extremely proud of this movie" I end my answer for the interviewer. They start to ask another but I am distracted by the roar of noise from behind me. Y/N.

She looks stunning. I can tell why she has such dedicated fans, I mean look at her. I finally catch her eye and we do our little signal.

It's like we have made up our own language for these events. Little head wiggles, eyebrows and nose scrunches and sometimes we risk it by lip syncing the words and we just pray that no one can see we are communicating with each other.

I laugh to myself before I'm pulled away from the trance she has put me in. My cast mate is elbowing me and I realize a few people are staring at me, expecting an answer.

" Oh I'm so sorry, I got distracted" Y/N is never going to stop talking about this, "What was the question?"

(Back to Y/N's POV)

As I walk off the end of the carpet my manager appears, telling me all about Jack's distraction and I already knew he was going to be so embarrassed about this even before I pulled out my phone to be met with the long stream of manic texts from Jack.

(Later that night, in the comment section of Jack's Interview)

jackonion: Is anyone else trying to work out what got Jack so distracted? ↳user142: no omg i was trying to do that too! ↳Y/N's.heart: It was definitely Y/N, you can see her dress at the end of the video. I might be going delusional but it's because I ship them.

"Uh Oh" Jack and I say at the same time.

Wow! So that is the end of my first piece?! Please let me know if its too long or doesn't make sense as I am now paranoid that I just wrote a random bunch of words with my eyes closed. I don't really know if this can have part two but if you think of anything let me know.

Requests are open, so send them through! Use as much detail as you want or have.

Please do not repost this, reblogs are appreciated.

#jack champion #jack champion x reader #x reader #fluff #emmy winner #actress #actress reader #jaded jellyfish sting #oneshot #so cute #marry me jack champion #im so alone

[legoiscrying]

Happy Birthday, Eric Cartman

A small Kenman piece I wrote for his birthday 🤲

Note: I made them middle school here but ages don't affect the story at all soooo enjoy

***

  Eric sighed quietly as he rolled over, now facing the wall. After gazing at the ceiling for the past thirty minutes, he already realized that he's not going to get much sleep tonight. How much easier it would be if he could just lay and instantly fall asleep as it always happens. But it was an unlucky night for him right before his birthday.

  He was...Moderately excited. I mean, which middle school kid wouldn't be excited for his birthday, right? Maybe some depressed dude or a lame hippie wouldn't, but Eric hated those guys anyways. He's not a little child anymore tho, so he won't jump of his bed right at 7 AM in the morning, but he was pretty excited for the gifts his mother was preparing for him and also the usual party he was hosting.

  2:30 AM already, and Eric's still wide awake. He's never getting it right before his birthday. Now he just lies and mumbles something to himself. The weather is shitty, so he can clearly hear the wind noise even through the closed window. Well, at least it's better than lying in a complete silence...Cartman thinks so until something hits his window.

Something hits his window. Suddenly all the wind noises before don't sound like wind noises anymore, because someone is clearly moving outside. God. Eric won't admit it, but he's scared. Of course he's scared, this whole situation looks like a cliche horror movie plot. The 2 AM, the window, the noises...And the next step should be dead Eric Cartman. Then a tragic morning discovery, then his crying mother at the funeral, and then...Wait, no, this isn't going to be like that. He was actually about to call his mother, but then the killer would kill him instantly or what's much worse would think he's a pussy. He can't let that happen! If someone dares to try to kill Eric Cartman at night, they should face the consequences without any mercy.

  Holding a pair of scissors in his hands, Eric was hesitant to open the curtains. That was until he heard the familiar voice through the window.

"Psst, Cartman, open your window!" the voice says.

"Kenny? My fucking God," now Eric more confidently opens the curtains and looks down - it is Kenny! Kenny Mccormick, looking at him with "open the window" puppy eyes. Somehow Eric does just that, and in a few seconds his friend is already in his room. "What are you doing here? I'm trying to get some fucking sleep."

"But you aren't sleeping. Phew, I thought I'd have to wake the princess up," Kenny says, giggling.

"Two shits you're gonna wake me up."

But in the end, they both don't look very tired, so Eric decides that he can go with that.

"Running away from home again, Mccormick?" he says mockingly.

"Nuh-uh, just going for a walk," Kenny shrugs and looks away.

"Right. A walk. At 2 AM. Through the entire town. You're such a comedian," Eric says, nearly laughing.

"Shut up. It is a walk. I'm not leaving Karen there, I'm gonna return home by morning and go to school. Just need some...time." Kenny replies, his voice a bit sadder.

"And you decided to walk directly to my house. I swear, if I was actually sleeping and you'd woke me up, I-"

"Chill out dude, I wasn't going to wake you up, I was just stopping there and thought maybe you wasn't sleeping, and I was right!" Kenny smiles victoriously.

"Uh-huh, and that's why you decided to throw something," Kenny replies with "a stick" and giggles. "a fucking stick at my window!"

"That's just a small detail," he chuckles.

"And what do you want anyways?" Cartman asks. "It's not like we can do any of the cool stuff right now when my mom is asleep. It doesn't mean that I don't want to wake up my mom, it's just-" and he begins his five minute rant about his mom and about how tired and annoyed he is.

Kenny listens through entire thing without saying a word of interruption and with a curious expression on his face. After Eric finishes, he speaks. "Actually, I came to wish you a happy birthday."

A few second silence. This, at almost 3 AM, seriously?

"Huh. You know I haven't invited anyone to my birthday yet, right?" Eric says, confused.

"Yep."

"And you know I might not invite you, right?"

"You'd be a bitch then, but yeah".

Cartman just pokes him instead of a usual "Hey!", and Kenny starts giggling again.

"So...You remembered?" Eric asks curiously.

"About your birthday? Yes," Kenny replies, visibly confused. "Jesus man, why are you so weird about it?" he laughs.

Well, not a lot of people seem to remember without me reminding them!

"You are weird, Kenny. You showed up to my house at 2 AM to wish me happy birthday."

"I just had to do it first!" Kenny says and starts laughing again.

  The situation quickly became much more lovely than it was at the beginning. It surely feels nice and weird at the same time: nice to have someone who cares so genuinely, weird to not have a need to force them to care. With all of that, Eric seems to feel...Happy?

"You know Kenny, you aren't so bad of a guy after all."

#south park #sp #kenneth mccormick #kenny #kenny mccormick #sp kenny #sp kenny mccormick #cartman #eric cartman #sp cartman #sp eric cartman #kenman #sp kenman #sp kenny x cartman #sp cartman x kenny #kenny x cartman #cartman x kenny #happy birthday eric cartman!!!!

[morganofthewildfire]

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But Who Could Stay?

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Rowaelin Month Day 1: Song Fic

based on The Archer by Taylor Swift

~ 27k words

an: I am immensely proud of this, and I have put so much work into this one, I really hope you all like it; it was born out of my obsession with the archer but has turned into something of its own; I'm a bit nervous sharing it, but I'm happy with how it turned out, so I hope you all enjoy it as much I enjoyed writing it

CW: cursing, angst, depictions of an eating disorder, mentions of sexual assault, very brief depiction of attempted sexual assault, NSFW

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Who could ever leave me darling?

But who could stay?

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Aelin woke up that morning to the sound of classical piano blaring in her ears. It was the opening chords of the Stygian Suite, which meant she was just on time as she sat up, lifting up her eye mask and turning to switch off the alarm.

With a graceful yawn, she pulled back her silk sheets, standing out of bed to stretch as the first reaches of sunlight seeped in through the light blue curtains. 

5:30 am, bright and early. It was the time she woke up every day, just to get a jump start before her schedule caught up with her. 

Efficiently, she made her bed, tucking the fluffy white comforter nicely underneath her pillows before heading into the bathroom. In there, her face highlighted by the lights around the large mirror, she combed and clipped her hair up, with a towel headband to keep any stray pieces back. Turning on the faucet to let the water warm up, Aelin went and grabbed her silk robe, sliding it on over her silk pajamas, the luxurious fabric caressing her skin. 

Then she went back to the sink, splashing her face with water and using her expensive face wash to start the day fresh. After the face wash, she applied her bottle of toner to her skin carefully, before layering it on with a few of her favorite serums, finishing the routine off with her moisturizer and of course, sunscreen, to keep her skin youthful and glowing.

Then she took off the headband, but left the clip in, traveling out of the bathroom and into the kitchen, turning on her fancy coffee machine. After hitting a few buttons, her coffee was brewing, espresso and steamed milk spilling out of it to make a delicious latte. 

While that was brewing, Aelin padded over to the floor to ceiling windows, pulling open the curtains to reveal the city skyline below, already bustling at the early hour. Rifthold was a huge city, there was always something going on. She relished in the chaos of it all, it kept the chaos in her own mind at bay. 

It was only when she was sitting down on her plush couch with her coffee and her small bowl of yogurt that she finally looked at her phone. 

6 am. She’d made good time. 

If she ate her breakfast and drank her coffee in the next fifteen minutes, then she’d have another fifteen to get changed before starting her morning workout. Not to be confused with her evening workout of course. Morning was cardio, while evening was all toning. 

None of her friends were awake at this hour, so there weren’t any text notifications, but the fashion world was 24/7, so she had multiple emails in her inbox, essentially detailing her itinerary for the next month. 

After transferring all of her shoots and runways, as well as her meetings, into her calendar, Aelin uncurled herself from the couch, abandoning her half eaten yogurt on the counter before going into her bedroom to change. 

Within half an hour, she was sweating as she nearly sprinted on the treadmill. Her legs and her lungs were burning as she ran, crossing the mile mark at a record speed for her. It was one of her favorite parts of the day, to let loose all of her stress through pure sweat. 

But as she was crossing the second mile, her phone rang and she was forced to slow her pace down to a gentle jog as she answered it and put it on speaker, hearing Lysandra’s tired voice yawn through the line.

“Good morning, bitch,” her best friend said affectionately, and Aelin chuckled, still breathing heavily as she exercised.

“Good morning,” she replied, “you’re up early.” 

“And what?” Lysandra said, “you’ve been up for an hour already, haven’t you.” Aelin laughed again, wiping at some stray sweat.

“An hour and a half,” she admitted, hearing her friend snort through the phone. 

“You’re crazy, girl,” Lys said, and Aelin could picture her shaking her head, curled up in her fluffy robe on her own couch. “Anyway, I was just calling to let you know we’re meeting at The Stag at eight tonight for drinks. Aedion is insisting you actually come this time.” 

“I couldn’t come last time because of a shoot,” Aelin sighed, “he knows that. Tell him to get out of my business.”

“He knows,” the brunette girl complained. “But he’s going to be mad if you don’t make it tonight.” 

Aelin thought through her schedule in her head, sighing through her nose as she hit the three mile mark on her treadmill. 

“I’ll see what I can do,” she conceded, and Lysandra seemed satisfied with that answer as she hung up the call. Aelin finally slowed the treadmill down to a stop, ending at three miles. A little less than usual but she’d just compensate with her workout later.

She wasn’t lying when she said she was busy, but there was one other reason she was hesitant to go to their group gatherings. A certain man named Rowan Whitethorn.

He was best friends with Lorcan, who was dating Elide, who was good friends with her and Lysandra, so they all got grouped together whenever they went out. He was sure to be invited to drinks tonight. 

It wasn’t like she never saw him outside of her friends, in fact he worked at her modeling agency as a headshot photographer. He’d been hired well after her start in the industry, so she’d never taken pictures with him, but his official duties were to take the pictures new girls would submit with their applications for shoots.

He was… fine. When he wasn’t being a raging pain in her ass. Stuck up, arrogant, holier than thou - Rowan Whitethorn was convinced that he was better than her, and while she knew her self worth was so diminished she would likely agree if it were anyone else, she just couldn’t with him.

And she just really wasn’t feeling up to an interaction with him today. But - she’d promised her cousin she’d try. So try she would. 

——-

By the time Aelin sauntered through the doors of The Stag that evening, her high heels clicking on the dark oak floor, she was half an hour late. She hadn’t intended on being so late, but her shoot went over earlier that afternoon, and then she was late for her meeting with her agent Maeve, only to almost miss her hair and makeup consultation for her next shoot, forcing her to cut her workout short. 

Aedion was lucky she didn’t skip entirely in favor of her abs. It took work to keep them this toned. Not that he’d understand, as a firefighter his entire job was essentially a workout. 

Aelin had to put effort in. 

“Aelin,” Aedion greeted a bit sarcastically, standing up from the table for an exaggerated hug. “I haven’t seen you in decades, look how you’ve grown.” 

“Fuck off,” Aelin laughed as she hugged him back. “You know for a fact we saw each other last week.” 

“Hm,” her cousin said, hugging her tightly. “It’s been a long week.” 

She and her cousin had always been close, but especially so after her parents passed when she was fifteen. Aedion had already been eighteen and had fought tooth and nail for custody instead of sending her off to social services, so she’d lived with him for three years, just the two of them. 

He’d supported her when she’d expressed interest in modeling, and was still her biggest supporter now, five years later, when her success was only continuing to rise. 

“Here,” Lysandra interrupted, patting the seat next to her. “Come tell me everything you’ve been doing lately. I want the drama.” 

Aelin laughed as she sat on the barstool at the high top table, joining the rest of the group. The whole crew was there: Lorcan and Elide, Aedion and Lysandra, Fenrys and Connall, even Vaughan had showed up, and - Rowan. They made eye contact, blue meeting green, and her smile dropped, though she attempted to nod politely. But when he just rolled his eyes, she stopped pretending to be nice.

“Do you want something to eat?” Elide asked, the petite brunette looking hot in a skin tight black dress, made modest only by the high cut of it. “We ordered some tater tots already, but we can get you something when the waiter comes back.” 

Aelin waved her hand in dismissal, resting her purse on the hook under the table. “I ate earlier, I’m okay.” A wave of nerves fluttered through her, picturing the half eaten yogurt she’d abandoned that morning, but no one seemed to clock the lie, so she forced herself to relax. “I will get something to drink though.” 

She waved down a waiter, reaching back into her purse to pull out her credit card. It was a platinum card, and it looked as fancy as it sounded. As it was.

“Another round,” she gestured to the table, smiling prettily at the waiter and winking. “On me. I’ll take a cosmopolitan please, with sugar free juice. I’m on a diet.” 

The waiter didn’t say anything, just heading away to go get the next round of drinks, and she turned back to her group, satisfied. 

“You’re trouble, Galathynius,” Fenrys said, shaking his head, and she just shrugged, laughing. The group quickly dissolved back into conversation, having to nearly shout over the hectic chaos of the bar. It was a nice place, but it was loud. 

But Aelin felt eyes on her, and she turned to look at Rowan, smiling coldly. 

“Enjoy your drink,” she said, refusing to be the one to look away. But he didn’t look away either, not backing down, and eventually she had to turn away. She hated him, but those green eyes threatened to strip her down to nothing and learn all of her secrets. 

And she couldn’t risk that.

------

Several of his friends were riotously drunk when they finally left the bar, notably Fenrys and Aedion, but Rowan himself wasn’t even tipsy as he gathered his phone and his keys, slipping out the front door as everyone else was shuffled into various cars. 

Aelin was the only one left, looking elegant in her loose pants and tight shirt, her legs going on for miles with those high heels of hers. Rowan hated her, had for a few years now, but he couldn’t deny how attractive she was. She was a model for gods sakes. 

He’d be kidding himself if he tried to pretend she wasn’t beautiful. 

But her personality on the other hand… completely irritating. Always laughing, flashing her money around, like she didn’t give a damn about anyone else. 

Rowan already had his struggles being one of the least paid in the friend group, besides Aedion being a public employee, but Lysandra was a high end fashion designer, so it balanced out. He didn’t need the constant insult from Aelin, who essentially worked at the same place as him, but was infinitely richer.

She knew it. And she never failed to remind him.

He kept his face cold as she looked over at him, sliding her purse over her shoulder. She was surprisingly sober as well; he’d noticed she’d only sipped on her one drink the whole time. 

“Loosen up a bit, Rowan,” she crooned, smiling sardonically. “You could use it.” And then she was sauntering away down the sidewalk, leaving him alone. 

Rowan stared after her for a minute, letting her walk away, before turning and heading in the exact opposite direction. Yep, because he lived on the opposite side of the city. She was in a glamorous high rise uptown, and he was in a rundown five story apartment complex close to the center of downtown. 

He began the long walk back home, kicking a rock idly onto the street, which was quickly run over by a passing car. 

The city was loud. Always busy, always moving. He didn’t think he’d like it when he first moved here with Lorcan after high school, but now he couldn’t imagine being anywhere different. 

Something caught his gaze and he paused, catching on a puddle that was reflecting streaky lights from a half lit bar sign a few yards away. He pulled out his phone, wishing he had his full camera with him as he snapped a picture, turning to get just the right angle. 

He’d discovered he liked photography in high school, after taking a class as an elective credit and realizing he’d accidentally discovered his passion in life. He didn’t think that passion would lead him to taking pictures of wannabe models for their applications to have their pictures taken by “real” photographers, but - he had bills to pay. 

It was fine for now, but he was hoping to get somewhere a little further than that.

Maybe in the next couple of years he’d finally be able to. 

He tucked his phone back into his pocket as he continued to walk, only taking it and his keys back out when he reached his door. It creaked as he opened it and he sighed as he flicked the light on. 

It was an older complex, and it was dated, but he was meticulous at cleaning and it was practically spotless. And nothing looked amiss, so he flicked the light back off and kept walking into his bedroom, nearly slamming the door behind him.

He’d thought the nice would be fun, and relaxed, where he’d get to hang out with his friends and just have a good time. But Aelin Galathynius never let it be that simple.

-----

Rowan woke up the next morning to an incessant beeping. Rolling over and burying his face into his pillow, he flung an arm out to turn it off. Silence settled over the room again, and he was tempted to fall back asleep, but he forced his eyes open instead. 

It was still dark out, made only more so by the blackout curtains he kept in his bedroom. But his day was already starting.

He dragged himself out of bed, shuffling to the kitchen and hitting brew on his coffee pot. While that was going, he went back into the bathroom, splashing his face with water to wake himself up a bit more, sighing as he looked at himself in the mirror.

He looked exhausted. 

Dark circles under his eyes, messy hair, a bit of stubble that he didn’t manage to shave the day before… A wreck, that’s what he was.

More beeping signaled the coffee being ready, and Rowan traversed his way back out to the kitchen, not even bothering to shrug on a t- shirt. There was no one here, it didn’t matter if he was only half dressed. He downed a mug of black coffee before pouring another one after it, choosing to sip on this one instead as he got his toast ready.

Once that was done, he slapped a slice of butter on it, taking the plate and his coffee to the couch, where he slumped down and turned on the TV to the local news.

Yes, he watched the local news. No, he was not sixty.

It was mostly mindless as he pulled out his phone, scrolling through his emails and his schedule for the day. He had only two photo shoots on his agenda, but Maeve wanted to meet with him, so his day was instantly longer.

It probably wasn’t anything important, but she was sure to drag it out just to make him uncomfortable. She was like that, he’d quickly discovered upon getting hired. As the boss of the whole modeling agency, she relished in the power she had over all of them.

And she was even worse if anyone was late. 

So Rowan drained the rest of his coffee, and went to get moving with the rest of his day.

------

The modeling agency was in a high rise office building, not too far from where he knew Aelin’s apartment was. An easy walk for her, a half hour metro ride for him. 

But it was so ingrained in him now he barely felt the distance, and soon enough he was walking into his “office”, which was really a desktop in the corner of the room where all of the other low level employees and interns were, in various clumps. 

He’d bought noise canceling headphones just to be able to work there, editing his photos. The incessant chatting and loud music from the other employees drove him crazy, unlike the deafening noise of the city. 

He slid down into his chair, shoving those headphones in as he wiggled the mouse to turn on the screen, before inputting his SD card into the monitor and pulling up the pictures he’d taken the day before. 

In each portfolio, he’d learned a model needs a simple headshot, a bodyshot, a swimsuit shot, either an editorial or commercial shot depending on their specialization, a smiling shot, and then a strong closing shot. So six photographs in the end, but dozens more he had to photograph and edit before finalizing.

He pulled up the first folder, and got started.

An hour later, he closed out of his editing site, taking out his headphones and shutting off his computer. He tucked his chair back under the desk and grabbed his camera bag, slinging it over his shoulder as he headed to the back room, where the shoot was set up. 

But on his way, he caught sight of Aelin, sitting in Maeve’s office like she owned it, waiting for the other woman herself to appear. The blonde was in high heels, of course, but with a dress on this time, one that highlighted her curves but weren’t glued to them. Her hair was swept up in a voluminous half up half down, revealing the sweep of her neck.

She looked good, like always, and he hated himself for the rush of heat that spiked through him. Though it cooled when she spotted him through the glass walls, giving him a certain gesture in return.

Rowan just frowned and dismissed her, continuing on his way. He had more important things to do than bother with her.

When he got to the studio in the back, the model was already there, her blonde hair pulled sleekly back into a bun with natural makeup on per the requirements of the headshot. Which is what they’d start with.

Remelle was her name, if he remembered his schedule correctly. 

She was new, he supposed, and it made sense because he probably would’ve remembered seeing her before. It was a model agency, of course they’d all be stunning, but she was stunning in a particular way - gorgeous, but almost like she was missing something.

“Are you my photographer?” She asked, smiling at him in a way that had his guard going up. 

“Yes,” Rowan answered, frowning slightly and ignoring her look as he went to set up the camera. He was used to being on the receiving end of some flirting here, he wasn’t modest he knew he was at least somewhat good looking. When he wasn’t working, he was at the gym, trying to get rid of everything in his head through mindless exercise. 

But this girl was looking at him like he was a piece of meat, making him decidedly uncomfortable, so he tried not to accidentally pay her any mind, focusing entirely on being professional. 

Even if Remelle was beautiful, he’d be stupid as hellas if he messed with her and risked losing one of the only opportunities he had.

------

Aelin swung her foot back and forth like a pendulum as she waited for Maeve to appear. She’d been sitting in her office for nearly fifteen minutes, just sitting by herself. It wasn’t surprising, Maeve was always like this, had to remind you of who really held the power.

Yes, Aelin was one of the highest paid models in the entire country, effectively the world too, but she wouldn’t be anywhere near she was without Maeve. 

Aelin didn’t like to admit it, but it was true. 

So she’d wait. She’d be patient.

She’d already flicked off Rowan as he passed, dressed in his stupid little jeans and polo shirt. He worked at a model agency, he couldn’t get better clothes? He looked good in them though, she couldn’t deny that. 

The jeans hugged him nicely, and his arms in those shirts of his. They would’ve made her mouthwater if she didn’t have enough self control. 

If he wasn’t such an asshole, he’d be exactly her type. But fortunately, she could control herself, and any desire she had for him was tempered by his entire personality. 

The door clicked open, and Maeve soon entered her own office, her heels tapping against the floor as she made her way over to her desk, sliding into place gracefully. 

“Aelin,” she greeted with a smile. But the smile was cold. “Lovely to see you today.” 

“You too, Maeve,” Aelin replied, just as icily. But her boss was already flipping through Aelin’s file, pulling out whatever she wanted to talk about in this spontaneous meeting. Aelin wasn't even supposed to come into the office today; she was supposed to go straight to Lysandra’s fashion company actually, to do a consultation for their runway show.

It was great getting to work with her best friend, and Aelin had been excited for today. But this was getting in the way.

“What did you want to discuss with me?” She said, a bit exasperated. Maeve just flipped through the folder casually, betraying how little of a rush she was in.

“You’ve been contacted for an exciting opportunity,” the brunette woman said, and Aelin raised her brows. “You’ve worked with them before but it’s been a long time. I never thought they’d want you again considering that time span, so you’d do best to act nice for them.” 

Aelin narrowed her eyes, fighting the urge to cross her arms. Instead, she reached for one of the vegan cookies Maeve kept in a dish on her desk. Cookies should be surprising in a model agency, but they were so absurdly healthy that Aelin was sure she’d lose more calories from digesting it than she’d even get from eating it. 

But it was something to keep her occupied and not fidgety. 

That was, until Maeve eyed her carefully, finally looking up from the papers. “You’d do well to watch your weight,” she chastised, and the cookie turned to ash in her mouth. “You’ve been looking a little thicker around the waist lately.” 

“I lost ten pounds last month,” Aelin said, trying not to argue. And trying not to sound too weak.

“And we agreed on fifteen,” Maeve said, “you have to be looking your best if you don’t want to lose everything we’ve worked for.”

She nodded vaguely, not looking at her. The cookie settled uncomfortably in her stomach.

“Who am I working with?” Aelin changed the topic, forcing a polite smile onto her face. 

But Maeve’s smile back was anything but polite. 

“Rifthold Fashion,” she answered, naming one of the oldest and most iconic fashion magazines in the entire country of Adarlan, the entire world. 

Aelin should be happy that she was getting another shot with them. She’d done a shoot with them when she was eighteen, a profile about being an up and comer in the industry. But she hadn’t been there since. 

And now, she only felt sick. 

She didn’t remember how she managed to finish the conversation, all she could feel was the growing nausea inside of her. And when Maeve dismissed her, she couldn’t wait any longer before heading straight to the bathroom, dropping to her knees, and vomiting into the toilet.

She shuddered as she let out all of the meager amount of things she’d eaten that day, the bile tasting bitter as she spit into the ceramic. 

Another wave went through her and she retched again, panting before leaning her head against the tile wall. 

Invisible hands trailed along her body and she curled up into a ball, trying to fight the feeling. Her heels slipped off her feet and a few tears slipped out of her eyes. 

Gods. She shouldn’t be having such a visceral reaction to just the idea of going back there, to the idea of seeing that man. 

She squeezed her eyes shut, letting out a rough sigh. She was better than this. She needed to get over it, otherwise she’d never be able to advance her career. She’d never be able to live. 

So she uncurled herself, standing up weakly, smoothing her hair back and wiping her mouth as she headed to the door. But, when she opened it, she found someone standing on the other side.

-----

Rowan had finished up the shoot with Remelle, unable to stop her from giving him her number, and was on the way out of the studio when he heard something coming from the bathroom as he passed. 

It sounded like someone was getting sick, and he frowned, stopping. He was about to knock on the door and ask if they were okay, whoever it was, but he hesitated, and soon enough the door was opening on its own. 

And he blinked at the sight.

It was Aelin, her high heels in her hand, her hair messy and her eyes… they looked a little wild, and sad, tears staining her cheeks with streaks of her mascara. 

He didn’t even know what to say. 

“Oh,” she said, looking away and quickly wiping at her eyes with her free hand. His heart ached and he didn’t know why. He was just frozen as she bent down, sliding her shoes back onto her feet. And then she said, “if you’ll excuse me,” and she rushed past him, tucking her hair behind her ears as she hurried down the hallway and out of sight.

Leaving Rowan alone, and more confused than he’d ever been in his life.

-------

Aelin raced around her apartment, getting the finishing touches in the decor perfectly right before everyone arrived. It was just a simple get together, they weren’t celebrating anything, but she always liked to think along the lines of that every get together was worth celebrating, so she wanted to make it look as nice as possible.

She’d even swept and vacuumed, which she usually had to force herself to remember to do. And she’d straightened everything up, getting drinks and setting up a little bar area in the kitchen, as well as some sparkly decorations to give the room some pizazz. 

Then she pranced over to her record player, putting on a nice jazzy album and dimming the lights just as the first person knocked. 

She smiled, fixing her dress and heading over to the door. It was just the usual crew coming over, plus a few extras, but like she said, why not make every occasion a special one?

But when she opened the door, her smile dropped into an awkward frown. Rowan was there, and looking decidedly uncomfortable when he realized he was the first one. 

Aelin hated that he’d seen her coming out of the bathroom earlier, looking like she’d just gone through hell. Because she had in a way, or at least revisited it in her mind. She kept trying to push the memory down, and most of the time she was successful, but that just meant whenever it did come up, it came up stronger. Especially now that she’d be seeing him again.

But Rowan didn’t need to know that.

“Come in,” she said politely, forcing a smile back on her face as she stepped to the side, holding the door open for him. Rowan looked just as awkward as her, but he was watching her in a way that made her fidget, like he was waiting for her to fall apart again just so he could inspect what had caused her to break.

They hadn’t seen each other at the agency today, so it hadn’t been since the bathroom incident that they’d had any interaction at all. Which just made this even worse.

“There’s drinks over there,” she gestured loosely to the kitchen, shutting the door and following him into the apartment. “You can set your food over on that table.”

Rowan had a plate of what looked like… green beans? She blinked at it, but didn’t question him as he went and set it down where she’d directed him to. Maybe she’d even give them a try.

As he did that, she went back to the record player, wanting something to fiddle with instead of talking to him, or even looking at him. She felt exposed, and vulnerable now that he’d seen her like that. She did so well at hiding all of her true emotions, not even her cousin knew when she was really hurting, and unintentionally she’d just revealed them all to a man she knew didn’t like her.

“That’s nice music,” that same man said, and she glanced over, a little surprised at the neutral statement. He was still looking at her oddly, and she blushed a little, insecurity racing through her. 

“Thank you,” she said, clearing her throat and turning back around. “This album was a favorite of my dad’s, we used to listen to it together.” The words were like a dagger to her heart, a pain so intense she had to fight back tears. But she just sniffed and forced a mocking smile to her face as she looked at him again.

“I’m surprised you even know what good music is,” she teased, though it sounded more like an insult. “You seem like the type to sit around in utter silence.” Maybe she did mean it as an insult, just to regain some familiar territory. And she was successful, as his face turned cold, but she didn’t know if that made her feel better or not.

Luckily, she was saved by another knock at the door, and she turned her attention to the new guest, ignoring Rowan once again.

----

Soon enough, the party was in full swing, and Rowan didn’t speak to Aelin again for the next few hours. If it wasn’t for the fact that they usually never talked, he would say she was avoiding him, always flitting away to different people whenever their proximity threatened conversation. 

She was wearing a gauzy silver dress, and it was almost like she was another one of her sparkly decorations, floating around the room, always there but never in one place for long.

Rowan, on the other hand, didn’t move from the chair he’d planted himself in, sipping on a beer and generally not participating in the revelry. He couldn’t help but watch her though, trying to tie this image of her, smiling and carefree, with the one from the day before, wide eyed and scared almost. 

Which one was real? Which one was a mask?

He was intrigued in a way he hadn’t been in a long time, but it was clear she wasn’t open to him trying to pry, if the way she’d shut down the brief, awkward conversation earlier was any indication. Fair enough. Just because he’d accidentally seen her when she clearly wasn’t expecting any eyes didn’t mean he had any right to know more.

And yet…

His gaze was on hers as she perched on the edge of her fancy couch, right next to her friend Dorian, laughing as she worked on another plate of his green beans, to his satisfaction. It was her third one. 

Despite the plentiful other options the other guests had brought, she’d stuck with those. It was an old recipe his mom had used to make, before she passed, and he’d perfected it over the past couple of years. And if Aelin, the self declared sugar purist, liked them, he knew he was doing something right.

He’d always thought it was strange how obsessed she was with sugar, for being a model. Though he knew she also exercised like crazy. But still, for how unhealthily she ate, she was essentially a twig. Maybe she had a fast metabolism? Some people were like that.

Still, she looked like she could snap in half with the smallest breeze. 

The typical model body, he supposed. 

“Gods, Aelin,” Aedion teased, good naturedly, from his spot in the kitchen talking to Lorcan. The jazz music was still on, though it was a different album this time. “I didn’t even know you knew what a green bean was.” 

Rowan watched, like he was looking through a glass wall, as Aelin threw her cousin an unkind gesture. 

“I’m surprised you do,” she teased, raising her brows. Though, maybe Rowan was imagining things, but he could’ve sworn her cheeks turned slightly pink. “I’m allowed to stray from sugar for one night.” 

It was Elide’s turn to snort, the petite brunette nudging Aelin’s leg with her shoe. “I served broccoli at my apartment last week and you asked me what it was.” 

“You know,” Aelin said, shaking her head, clearly fighting a smile. “I don’t like this conversation.” Her friends continued heckling her, all of them eventually breaking into laughter, but Rowan still didn’t join in, choosing to observe instead.

That’s how he didn’t miss when she set the plate down on the table. And didn’t pick it up again.

Nor did he miss when she excused herself quietly, slipping away from the party easily. 

Rowan was tempted to follow her, to see if she was okay, to see if her mask was gone once again, he didn’t know. But he didn’t. He just sat there sipping his beer, wondering why he cared so much about a girl he was supposed to hate.

And he knew he was a fool when she came back out a few minutes later, looking as perky as ever. The bathroom, she’d just gone to the fucking bathroom.

She didn’t need his concern. And he certainly didn’t need to give it to her.

------

The party didn’t end until late into the night, and Aelin was exhausted and a little dizzy as she crashed back down on her couch, her cousin by her side. Lysandra couldn’t make it that night, having a pressing work thing occupying her time, so Aedion was staying over, taking the chance for some quality family time.

She yawned as she leaned her head against his shoulder, tucking her feet up under her as he turned on the TV, immediately going to the sports channel and watching a rerun of a football game from earlier that evening.

Her stomach was still roiling from those green beans, even if she’d tried to take care of the problem. 

“Who’s playing?” Aelin asked, trying to avoid the topic in her mind. Aedion didn’t even turn to her as he answered, eyes glued on the game.

“The Rifthold Ravens and Terrasen Stags,” he said, “Stags are up by 3 but the Ravens are in field goal territory. So they could either tie it or go for a touchdown.” 

“Shit,” she said, sitting up a little, “well we can’t let the Ravens win.” Her eyes went to the screen too, immediately clocking what was going on. Aelin had grown up with Aedion, even before her parents died. He’d moved in with them when she was very little after his mom had died, so she’d grown up watching football.

And even if they lived in Rifthold now, they were both from Terrasen, and therefore were both Stags fans for life. 

Her dad had been too.

“If they tie we have to go into overtime,” Aelin frowned, watching as they lined up for the final play, the dark purple uniforms of the Ravens lined up against the green uniforms of the Stags. Her heart was beating way too fast as the Ravens hiked the ball, the quarterback running back to find someone to throw too.

“Go, go, go,” Aedion was calling, watching the Terrasen defense. Aelin joined him, nearly jumping out of her seat as the quarterback threw the ball and -

“YES!” Her cousin shouted as a Terrasen player intercepted the ball in the end zone. The whole team raced over to him, hitting each other and shoving each other in the way that only guys feel the need to do. But Aelin was up and dancing in celebration with Aedion as the final score rang out.

24 - 21 in favor of the Stags. 

Aelin laughed as Aedion pumped his fist to the ceiling, celebrating as if he himself was the player who’d caught the ball. 

“Fuck yeah!” He yelled, “that’s right you Rifthold fuckers! We’ll show you what real football looks like!” 

“Gods,” Aelin laughed, shaking her head, “you’ve gotten worse. Which I didn’t think was possible.” 

“This is real life, Aelin,” Aedion said, pointing at the TV, a wild smile on his face. “Not you and Lys’ fashion world, this is all that matters, right here.” Aelin didn’t even take offense, knowing he didn’t mean it like that. She just snorted, and shook her head, trying to shake away some of the dizziness that’d taken over.

Was it hot in here? Or was it just her? Her legs trembled, clearly weak, and she figured she needed to sit down.

“Are you going to start praying to the TV now?” She mocked, plopping back down on the couch. It wasn’t instant relief, but she was certainly in less danger of passing out. 

“Hey,” he said, sitting back down too as the TV faded back to the sportscasters, ready to give commentary on what they’d just seen. “I’m not as bad as Rhoe was. Remember the championship about ten years ago?”

Two years before he died.

But Aelin chuckled slightly, remembering how enthusiastic her dad had been, how angry he’d been at the refs for bad calls, how happy he’d been when the Stags came out victorious.

They faded into silence, Aedion watching the TV and Aelin staring at nothing, falling deep into the trap of her own head once again. 

It was a vicious place to be.

“Hey Aed?” She asked him, an uncountable amount of time later. “Do you ever think about them?” 

She risked a glance over at him, seeing his face slip into sadness that she wished she could wipe away. But he looked back at her, too much knowing in his eyes for her. It made her want to hide.

“Of course,” he said, looping his arm over her shoulder, ruffling her hair a bit as he tucked her into his side. “All the time.” 

Heat pricked at her eyes, and she blinked quickly before a tear could slip out. Their death had been so sudden, a simple car crash. Here one minute, gone the next, leaving her utterly alone. 

“You know,” Aedion said, after another minute. “If you’re still struggling you can talk to me about it. I’m always here for you.” She looked up at him, seeing the honesty in his eyes. 

Aelin had gone to therapy for a brief period of time after moving in with Aedion, when she was fifteen. It’d ended fairly quickly, but he’d always suggested that she could go back. Or at least recommended she keep an open mind. 

Not that he even knew the depth of it now. Nor the heaps of things that’d been added onto her plate. 

“I’m okay,” she lied, painting a small smile on her face. “But thank you for checking in.” 

Aedion looked at her, and she tried to make her expression look more sincere. He sighed. “I love you, kid,” he said, and she made a noise of protest.

“Three years older, Aedion,” she said, “you’re only three years older.” He just laughed.

“And I will forever hold it against you,” he said, and it was her turn to sigh. But she rested her head on his shoulder, suddenly exhausted, and soon fell asleep to the dulcet sounds of football commentary, feeling both at home and like she was dropped in the middle of the ocean, drowning, with no way to swim to the surface.

———

A few days later, Rowan was mindlessly working on editing some photos in his apartment, when his email notification dinged. 

He turned the screen away from Remelle’s face, pulling up the email tab instead and opening the email he’d just gotten. And groaned.

It was an invitation to an agency-wide formal party that Saturday, one he’d forgotten was happening. They’d all been alerted about it weeks ago, but Rowan had put it out of his mind, childishly hoping that if he just didn’t think about it, it wouldn’t happen.

Especially because his invitation was tagged with the words: Your presence is required. Take photos. 

“Fuck,” he complained, dropping his head in a hand. He hated these things, hated how many there were. It seemed like every other week, there was some event he had to go to, doubling as a headshot photographer and an apparent publicist. Why shell out the money for two different workers when they could just overwork him?

His cousins used to make fun of him endlessly for how little he liked socialization, always refusing to go out with them after he'd moved in with them when his parents died. People were just either idiots, or prying assholes, or just obnoxious. He wasn’t a fan of going out and partying with a bunch of strangers; it’d either be with people he knew or not at all.

But now he’d be forced to socialize with a bunch of people like Remelle, who’d been texting him incessantly for the past week. Rowan tried to put her off, responding with one word or not at all, but she was persistent. And he didn’t want to block her completely, even if every text alert he got made him want to throw his phone off a roof. 

Did he even have a suit? He’d have to check.

He had one from the last formal event he’d been forced to, but he wasn’t sure if it fit anymore. He’d upped the amount of times he went to the gym to lift recently, trying to get out all of his negative emotions through exercise.

Rowan was about to close out of his email and go check, when his eyes caught on another email he’d apparently missed earlier in the day. Right there in bold was the title: 

The Rifthold Institute of Photography

His heart raced as he clicked it to open it, leaning back in his seat as he read the email. 

He’d seen a post for a position there a few months ago, and had applied, but never heard anything back. The Institute was a museum of photography of sorts, with a magazine that they released monthly. The job he was trying to get would be an editor/contributor for the magazine, which would mean he would get to both help put the magazine together while also submitting his own pictures for consideration.

It was really his dream job. But when months passed and he hadn’t heard back, he’d given up.

But here they were.

“Dear Mr. Whitethorn,” he started to read, skimming through it. “...haven’t picked a candidate yet… narrowed down to three, we request you submit a portfolio for further consideration, keeping to the theme organic.” 

It was mostly just details after that, about how to submit, how many pictures to submit, and he skimmed it all before leaning back in his chair as he read the due date.

Three weeks from now.

He released a heavy breath, nodding his head.

“You’ve got this, Rowan,” he whispered to himself, before standing up and grabbing his camera, abandoning the photos he was editing in favor of going outside to take his own. 

He needed to get inspiration somehow, he needed to start planning.

Why not start now?

---------

Aelin was in the middle of a pilates workout when she got the email. It wasn’t anything she didn’t know about already, in fact she’d already had her gown specially designed and ordered, but it was nice to get confirmation that it was actually happening.

She paused the workout as she read the email, panting with sweat dripping down her forehead. The perky girl on the TV was mid crunch, but Aelin didn’t press play again, choosing instead to sit up fully on her yoga mat. 

She grabbed her water bottle from next to her, guzzling at least half of it down before wiping the excess water off her chin. Uncurling her legs, she pushed herself to a stand, way too quickly apparently as her vision dimmed, her head spinning and her legs buckling from beneath her.

She crumpled back down onto the yoga mat, hands braced on the floor as she caught her breath, trying to inhale and exhale slowly until she regained control over her muscles.

Slowly but surely, the dizzy feeling went away, and she stood up, ignoring how her hands shook as she picked up her phone and headed into her closet. Well, the room that was her closet.

Maybe she should take a break from exercising, and go check out her dress instead. She pushed the hair that came out of her ponytail behind her ear as she walked into the room, sniffing as she reached the garment bag hanging up on the far wall. 

Wiping her hands on her shorts, she got rid of the lingering sweat before unzipping the bag, fingering the dark green fabric inside. 

It looked just as perfect as it had the day she’d first gotten it; she didn’t know what she was checking. 

Everything would be perfectly fine, there was no need to worry. 

If only that were always true.

---------

Maeve had sent a limo for her to get to the building for the gala. Which was useful, because Aelin didn’t have a car, nor did she have a license. 

She lived in the city, she could walk everywhere she needed to go.

But she was grateful for the limo, because walking in these shoes would’ve been hell, which she knew as soon as she stepped out of the car, the five inch stilettos pinching painfully as she walked toward the door.

It was worth it though. She looked fucking good. 

Her hair was swept up into a sleek updo, her golden locks shining with the bit of glitter her stylist had put in them. Her dark green dress was silky and wrapped around her curves modestly, but with a neckline that plunged all the way to her waist, leaving her sun tanned skin on display.

The skirt had a slit too, revealing her smooth legs with every step she took.

It got everyone’s attention when she got inside, drawing both male and female’s gazes alike, exactly the way she loved to. She was a model, she enjoyed knowing people found her attractive. They could look, but they certainly weren’t entitled to touch. 

Though some people thought they were.

She pasted a small smile on her face as she made her way over to the drinks, grabbing a glass of champagne to sip. The lobby had been transformed into some Hollywood movie scene, with dimmed lights and golden decor and overflowing tables of drinks and food.

It was honestly excessive, but they had the money for it. Aelin knew just her percentage alone would be able to pay for all of this, let alone hers combined with all of the other models in the agency. 

She took a sip of the champagne, meandering around the room. 

There were a lot of people here, but none she wanted to talk to. And none of them wanted to talk to her. One of the negatives of success in this industry was the jealousy it bred among girls who thought they should be right where you are. It was only fed by the people higher up, pitting them against each other. Aelin was well aware, but it didn’t change the fact that she was generally left alone.

There was a string quartet playing music in the corner, and she unconsciously swayed to it a bit, bobbing her head in time with the violins as she wandered around to a different corner, looking for something to do.

And then she saw Rowan.

He was standing against another wall, fidgeting with that camera of his. Apart from that, and the dark expression on his face, he blended right in with the party in his suit and white button up shirt, and a dark green tie that unfortunately perfectly matched her dress.

He looked like a guest, not an employee, though she knew Maeve made him take photos during events like these. 

Finally finding something to do, Aelin set her feet toward him, heading in his direction. Arguing with him would be perfect entertainment. 

Or maybe she could ask him how he made those green beans. Even if she’d eaten way too many of them, if she could learn the recipe and make them herself, she could eat them sparingly throughout the week.

Aelin could tell the exact moment he saw her coming, because he stiffened slightly, his eyes narrowing at her approach. 

She hated to admit it, but he looked good. His light hair was tousled perfectly, his tan skin and that tattoo of his peeking slightly out of the collar of his shirt. She wasn’t necessarily a tattoo person, but on him it was mouthwatering. 

“Shall I pose for you?” She mocked, and he rolled his eyes, fidgeting with some buttons on his camera.

“Don’t you have enough photos of yourself?” Rowan asked, lifting up his camera to snap a picture of the crowd, the way the lens fluttered so familiar to her. 

“Is that possible?” Aelin replied, lifting her brows. “Especially when I look as good as I do now.” 

He turned his dark gaze back to her, and she swore she could physically feel it as his eyes traced up and down her entire body, her breath stuttering in her chest involuntarily. 

“You always look like this,” he said, and she narrowed her eyes, her heels clicking as she took a step toward him. 

“Do I, Rowan Whitethorn?” She asked, tilting her head, but he continued to ignore her, his jaw clenched tightly as he took another picture. 

“I don’t pay enough attention to you to notice,” he said after a moment, “get your fulfillment from one of your millions of followers on instagram instead, because you won’t get anything from me.”

And then she was watching him walk away, his camera hooked around his neck as he went to find someone else to terrorize from behind the lens.

The rest of the party went by dreadfully slowly after that, and with each sip of champagne, she got angrier and angrier at him. At his sheer audacity. So what, they didn’t like each other, but did he have to be like that? 

No, fuck him.

Soon enough, she knew her cheeks with flushed with alcohol and rage, and she was searching for him again, so she could show him a piece of her mind. But he wasn’t anywhere in the main lobby, so she had to go looking, heading down different hallways in her heels, desperately looking for him to rage at. 

He was always an asshole, but this time for some reason, to her it was crossing a line. 

Weaving her way back through the lower floor hallways, Aelin ignored the way her feet ached in her heels, desperately searching for this godsdamned man. And eventually she found him, wrapped around another blonde.

He was further down the hallway, his camera bag on the ground and his back against the wall, the blonde leaning up against him. 

She narrowed her eyes but slowed down, not wanting to intrude on whatever this was. 

“Come on,” she heard the blonde say, faintly from the far distance. “You know you want to.” 

“I told you to leave me alone, Remelle,” came Rowan’s voice, and Aelin saw him try to carefully pry Remelle’s hands away from his chest. “I’m not interested.”

“Of course you are,” Remelle said, “just admit it.”

“Remelle-” Rowan said, but he was cut off by the blonde kissing him, which made Aelin see red so much she was stomping over there, lifting up her dress so she wouldn’t trip on the hem.

“Hey!” She shouted, and Remelle pulled back, both of them looking over at her in shock. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? Do you not understand the meaning of the word no?”

Remelle just scoffed, showing a lot of nerve for someone who’d clearly just started out here. Aelin had never seen her fucking face in her life.

“And who are you?” Remelle said, raising her pale brows, and Aelin narrowed her eyes, sinking into a hip. 

“I’m Aelin Galathynius,” she said, watching as the other girl’s face paled. Even if Remelle had somehow managed to never see her face, she would know her name. And how important she was. “And you better leave Rowan alone, and every other man you’ve tried to touch without their permission, otherwise I’ll have a little chat with Maeve and see if she’s still interested in taking you on.” 

Remelle’s face tightened in challenge, but she didn’t dare to respond, clearly seeing that Aelin meant what she was saying.

“Now get the fuck out of here before I decide to go talk to her right now.” Aelin gestured out of the hallway, not saying another word until Remelle followed her instruction, with as much dignity as she could manage, which wasn’t a lot. 

Eventually, her and Rowan were alone, and she looked up at him, trying to gauge his reaction. No one should ever touch someone without their permission; she felt shaky at the thought. 

But Rowan… looked angry.

“What’s your problem?” She decided to ask, set on edge by the way his jaw was clenched. And maybe her first thought shouldn’t have been how handsome he looked when he was mad. “I just saved your ass.”

“I don’t need your help,” he spat, and she recoiled, tensing at the challenge.

“You sure looked like you did,” Aelin argued, stepping closer, “or was that all part of your plan to woo her? Because that’s a little fucked up.”

“Gods,” he cursed, “you’re so godsdamned irritating.” He pushed off the wall, stepping toward her too. “Why do you have to always be so… important?” She let out an indignant noise. “My savior, my hero, when really, you’re just a pain in my ass.” 

“Oh really?” She questioned, narrowing her eyes and taking one more step. “Well, you’re just the same to me,” she said, with equal vitriol, trying to ignore the way his breath felt against her face as he huffed. 

It was only then she realized just how close they were, how there were only inches between them. How if she lifted her head just enough, and he lowered his just enough, their lips would be touching. 

The hot anger in her stomach melded into something different, and the flush on her cheeks was no longer from the alcohol as he seemed to realize the same thing, his dark gaze dropping down to her lips. 

She dared to lift her chin, her breaths coming out heavy as heat raced through her. Rowan dipped his chin in response, closing the distance until the edges of their lips just grazed past each other, their breaths mingling. One little inch and they’d be kissing, but neither of them made the move. 

Heavy hands settled on her hips, and she had just enough time to clutch at his shoulders before he was taking a step forward, guiding her until she was against the wall. His head dropped down to press a hot kiss to the underside of her jaw, and she made a breathy noise, feeling hot all over. 

Her eyes fell closed, and she clutched at his collar, warmth pooling in her core as he stepped closer, letting her feel every hard inch of him against her. One of his hands slid across her stomach and down her thigh, reaching for her exposed leg and holding it up to step in even closer. 

His other hand moved until it was brushing the skin exposed by the neckline of her dress, sliding up her stomach until it reached the bare skin right under her breasts, his callouses rough against her.

Gods, she didn’t think she’d ever been this turned on in her life.

His attention returned to her neck, even as his fingers dug into her, undoubtedly leaving little marks. And her breath hitched as he placed hot, wet kisses down her throat, finally settling on the junction of her neck and shoulder, daring to nibble slightly. 

An embarrassingly loud moan escaped her, but the groan he let out against her took all embarrassment away and she reached to loosen his tie, sliding her hands under the collar of his shirt to feel all of his deliciously hot skin. 

The room felt damp with desire, sweat undeniably coating her body with all of the heat racing through her. Her core throbbed with need as he pressed against her, the friction between them both delectable and overwhelming. 

She needed him, she needed him right now. She needed the clothes to be gone, she needed him holding her roughly against the wall as he slid into her, making her feel like she’d never felt before.

He dragged his tongue against the sweaty skin of her neck, and she couldn’t hold herself back anymore.

“Rowan,” she moaned, clutching him desperately, hoping he’d take the hint to do more. But instead, he pulled back roughly, shaking his head.

“Shit,” he cursed, his hands clenching into fists.

“What -”

“No, we can’t,” was all he said while shaking his head, before quickly fixing his tie and combing his hair. And before she could even blink, he scooped up his camera from the ground and nearly ran away, leaving her cold. And wanting. 

And regretting every bit of that moment as much as him.

----------

Several days passed, and yet Rowan couldn’t get that damned moment out of his head. He couldn’t forget the way Aelin’s skin had felt under his finger tips, the way her throat had felt against his mouth, the way her body had melded to his.

He’d let himself go for those few minutes, and he regretted it, but he couldn’t help it with how she’d looked in that dress. She was always stunning, but that night she’d been ethereal, and mouthwatering, and way too damn much for his self control.

And the way she’d moaned his name… he wanted nothing more than that to rid both of them of all their clothes and see what other sounds he could make, but he also knew this was clearly a heat of the moment thing. 

Yes, she was attractive, but that didn’t mean he should forget every single other thing about her. 

He needed some actual self control. 

Soon enough though, he found something else to occupy his mind other than the lingering scent of jasmine in his nose. The portfolio.

He still had over two weeks, but the clock was ticking and he still had nothing to show for the days he’d been brainstorming.

So much so that he was fighting the urge to stay home and work instead of going out to dinner with Lorcan and Elide like he was supposed to. But while he knew Lorcan would understand, he also knew Elide would have his head if he skipped again.

Lorcan was his oldest friend, and Elide was the first one of his current friend group he was introduced to, so he felt closer to them two than anyone else.  Maybe he could talk out his situation with them, see what they’d say.

The portfolio situation though, not the Aelin situation. No, that was to be kept locked up tight, and blamed on the champagne and the stress, nothing more.

That’s how he found himself walking down 4th avenue a few hours later, hands tucked in his pockets until he reached the restaurant, ducking in and quickly finding the pair sitting down already. 

“Hey,” Rowan said a bit lamely, plopping into the chair across from them. 

“What’s got your panties in a twist?” Elide questioned, immediately gauging something was wrong. Lorcan just grunted a hello, sipping on his drink.

“Work stuff,” Rowan tried to dismiss, but Elide just raised a dark brow. He sighed. “I have a big job opportunity but I need a portfolio prepared and I have no inspiration for the theme they’re giving me.”

“Hmm,” she said, nodding her head. “What’s the theme?” 

“Organic,” he said, raising his brows. “It’s really vague, which is useful sometimes but now it just leaves me with nothing.” 

Elide leaned back in her chair, stirring her straw in her drink as she thought. They sat in silence as they all contemplated, letting the rock music of the dive bar take over. Rowan just ran through the same ideas he’d already thought of in his head over and over, finding the same faults yet again.

“What about a series of candids?” Elide finally piped in. “I’m no photographer, but that would be organic. You could keep it in the same day, or same event, to keep it consistent. But just to show an organic slice of humanity.”

Rowan considered the thought for a moment before nodding. “That could work,” he said, running through logistics in his head. Even if it didn’t, it was worth a shot. “Who would they be of though?” He asked, thinking it was a reasonable question, but Elide snorted.

“You act like we don’t know a professional model,” she said, and his stomach dropped. 

“She won’t want to,” he said automatically, shaking his head. That would be unbearably awkward after what had happened. They’d only seen each other once at the office since then, and it was horrible, he couldn’t imagine spending a whole day with just her. 

No, he couldn’t.

But Elide clearly thought differently. 

“I’ll convince her,” she said, waving off his concern. “Don’t worry.”

Little did she know, that’s exactly what he was going to do.

---------

The universe seemed to be playing a trick on her, forcing her to stop exercising nearly every day in favor of some all important notification.

She was in the middle of her morning run, about to hit a new record of six miles, when she got the email. At first, she didn’t understand what it was, but after slowing the treadmill down to a walk so she could focus on it better, she figured it out.

Ms. Galathynius,

It’s a pleasure to be working with you again after so long. I’m personally very excited to get the opportunity to see your progress after all of these years, and am certainly glad to be able to say I contributed to catapulting your career.

After all, where would you be without me?

Attached is a document detailing more information about the shoot itself: what you’ll be expected to provide versus what we’ll give you, as well as the general schedule and the plan for the day.

Feel free to email my secretary with any questions you may have.

Arobynn Hamel

Aelin’s chest felt too tight as she finished reading, and she quickly shut her phone off and started the treadmill back up, putting the pace even faster than it had been before. Maybe she could run away from the feelings attempting to snatch her and drag her down into hell.

He was either pretending it’d never happened and acting like everything was fine, or attempting to subtly use his power over her yet again. 

Either way, she felt sick. 

She fought for air as she turned up the speed on the treadmill, her legs shaking and jolting with pain as she ran like her life depended on it. 

“Fuck,” she cursed breathlessly, realizing only then that tears were soaking her face. Was this what it was going to be like? Her constantly feeling like shit but never being able to acknowledge it? 

Was she supposed to walk into that building, stare him in the face, and pretend just like he was that nothing was wrong? 

She let out a sob, wiping at her cheek roughly as she kept running. Maybe she’d run herself to death and never have to speak to him. Would that be better?

It would be easier.

She was reaching the verge of her legs falling off completely, when her phone buzzed. She hesitated for a second, but reached for the device, reading the text alert on the screen.

It was from Elide.

> Rowan needs a model for a job application

> I told him you’d do it

> and before you say no, you owe me for last week

Aelin groaned, sufficiently distracted as she shut off the treadmill. Elide was a kick ass lawyer, and had come to help her look over her new contract for the agency after her last one was due to expire. 

She hadn’t accepted any payment, just innocuously called for a favor instead. Neither of them had expected her to cash it in, but here she was. 

A photo shoot with Rowan. Fuck. 

That would be hellish after what had happened between them. 

But at least it was modeling. If she was good at anything it was that. And Rowan was professional enough when he needed to be. 

And if this was really for a job application, he was sure to take it seriously, given how much she knew he hated the job he currently had. 

He disguised it well enough at the agency, but everyone knew. Maybe that was why Maeve piled on the work, out of spite. 

She sighed, stepping off of the treadmill. But her knees buckled and she fell to the ground. And instead of trying to get back up, she just sat there, thinking.

A photoshoot with Rowan. There’s no telling how it could go. She wouldn’t be surprised if it devolved into an argument, but she also wouldn’t be surprised if they ended up in his bedroom, picking up where they left off the other day.

She picked up her phone, flipping to a contact that she didn’t think she’d ever texted directly. But she typed in his number, typing in the word Hey and sending it to him.

Hate or lust, it could go either way. But she supposed they were about to find out.

-----------

Rowan was fidgeting with his camera when the knock on the door sounded. It was light, but direct, like the person making it was sure this was where they were supposed to be, but didn’t know if they wanted to be there. 

He felt the same way.

Regardless, he loosed a sigh and stood up, getting ready to welcome Aelin into his home. 

When he pulled open the door, there she was, standing there as regal as ever. She was dressed more casually than usual, in loose jeans and a tank top, though they fit her slim body well. 

Her hair was pulled back in a clip, some strands falling out in the front. She had sparse makeup on, no concealer to cover up as she blushed slightly, glancing away from him. 

He felt like blushing too, but cleared his throat instead, holding the door open for her to come on. 

Aelin walked in carefully, her gaze traveling around the small apartment. Neither of them spoke as she observed the place, Rowan rubbing at the back of his neck as he waited for her judgment. She’d never been here before.

“Did you take all of these yourself?” She asked, wandering over toward one of the walls, where he had a display of yes, his own photographs. Maybe it was conceited of him, but he was proud of his talent. 

“Yes,” he answered, dragging a hand through his hair as he shut the door and turned to lean against it awkwardly. 

Aelin seemed fixated on one in particular, of a tree from an angle right by the trunk looking up, catching the way rain streamed through the leaves. 

“Where was this one taken?” She asked, tilting her head to look at it. 

“The park downtown,” Rowan answered, walking over to her slowly. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever been there,” she replied, and he was honestly a bit surprised. She’d lived here for almost a decade, he was pretty sure, and she’d never been there? But she shocked him even more when she said, “It’s beautiful.” 

“Thank you,” he said, flushing a bit at the out of the blue compliment. She stared at it for another minute before seemingly coming to her senses, clearing her throat and looking at him, her hand tight on the bag hooked over her shoulder.

“So,” she said, not looking directly into his eyes. “I don’t know what you were thinking clothes wise, but I brought some different options.” She moved toward the couch, perching on the edge as she took out a folded stack of clothes from her bag. “But I also don’t really know what we’re doing.” 

Rowan moved to sit in the chair next to the couch, trying to explain his vision.

“I don’t know how much Elide explained,” he said, leaning forward on his knees, “but this is for an application to the Rifthold Institute of Photography.” Her brows shot up. “I need to make a portfolio with the theme organic, and Elide had the idea of doing candids, so -” he sucked in a breath, “I was thinking we could just… hang out. And I could take pictures throughout the day.” 

It was only late morning, so they had all day to just - be around each other. 

Aelin’s face was unreadable, but eventually she nodded slowly. 

“In that case,” she said, reaching toward her pile and pulling out what looked to be a long white sundress. “Does this work? It’s the most comfortable thing if I’m to be wearing it all day.” It was said with a bit of a teasing tone, and he knew that was her method of trying to offer a cease fire, which he reluctantly agreed to.

“That’s perfect,” he said, chuckling a bit, and she smiled, standing up off the couch.

“Where’s the bathroom?” she asked, and headed toward it when he pointed to the guest one in the hallway. 

While she was changing, Rowan grabbed his camera bag, switching out the SD card and packing an extra just to make sure he had enough storage. He hadn’t planned out what places he wanted to go all day, but he had an idea of where he wanted to start.

----------

“So where are we going?” Aelin asked him, about twenty minutes later, as they walked down the sidewalk after having left his apartment. Rowan had one hand in his pocket, the other one on his camera bag, and just smiled lightly. He had another bag slung over his shoulder too, but he didn’t need that one yet.

“That’s a surprise,” he said, and she scoffed, lifting her sunglasses and resting them on her head, her lips twisted into a pout. Rowan chuckled under his breath, unclipping the bag to take out his camera. 

After looking down to make sure the settings were right, he lifted it up, turning to the left slightly to snap a picture of her. But Aelin caught what he was doing, and turned to smile at the camera, giving her signature model face. 

“Ah,” he said, moving the camera. “Candid, remember? Pretend I’m not even here.” 

The dismal expression on her face made him want to laugh, and he lowered the camera completely, resolving to try again and catch her when she really wasn’t paying attention.

Eventually she clicked her tongue and didn’t press the issue, clutching her purse to her arm as she walked down the sidewalk by his side. They were getting closer and closer to their destination, and Rowan watched her out of the corner of his eyes, waiting for her reaction.

And a strange, uncomfortable feeling grew in his chest as he saw her face light up in a delighted smile, though she dimmed it quickly, as if afraid of what he’d say. 

That was fair, they hated each other no more than a few days ago. He still hated her, right? 

Nothing had changed, and yet everything had changed.

“It’s the park,” she said, glancing over at him cautiously, and he nodded, the corner of his lips lifting up slightly. And he patted the second bag he was carrying.

“We’re going to have a picnic,” he said, and her brows shot up. But she just followed him as he took her toward the very tree he’d photographed.

She seemed to recognize it, smirking a bit as he set out a blanket. “No rain this time?” She asked, and he let out a huff of a laugh.

“Luckily no,” he said, sitting down a bit uncomfortably on the hard ground, his legs out in front of him. Aelin curled up gracefully next to him, the skirt of her dress floating down softly around her.

He didn’t have much food to bring with him, but he unpacked a few cut up sandwiches, and a tupperware container of grapes. Like a grade school kid’s lunch.

“What a feast,” she said, and he frowned, prepared to defend himself, but she was smiling. He realized it was a joke and he relaxed, though a bit unfamiliar still with this comradery. 

It wouldn’t last.

But for now, he just enjoyed the sunshine and the fresh air and the food, and after a few minutes he took out his camera again, finally snapping the very first picture of what would hopefully be his new life.

----------

Aelin absolutely adored Rowan Whitethorn’s apartment.

It was a strange thing to say, and completely random, but it was true. 

She’d thought it when she’d entered only that morning. It was quaint, and fairly small, but decked out in a vintagey 70s style almost, with a record player of his own in the corner and a jewel toned comfortable couch. And his photographs… she could spend hours just staring at them. He was truly talented.

And now, late in the evening with the soft bar lighting on, a vinyl crackling on the record player, two glasses of whiskey and monopoly in front of her, she thought she would be fine if she stayed here forever.

She laughed as Rowan rolled the dice, his little statue moving until he landed on the go to jail square for the fourth time this game.

“Sucker!” She pointed, giggling a bit. Alright, maybe she was on her third glass of whiskey. But she wasn’t going to stop. She felt all warm and fuzzy inside, and Rowan even let her smile brightly at the camera this time as he snapped yet another picture.

And then it was her turn to roll, and she moved the little dog statue four squares to the right, clapping in delight when she realized it was free to buy. “I’ll take it!” She said, reaching for her giant stack of fake bills.

She cackled as Rowan rolled again, hoping to get doubles, but failed, leaving him stuck in jail for another turn.

“Just pay to get out,” she advised, waving at the meager stack of funds on his side of the board. 

“I don’t have enough,” he said, and he sounded so miserable, she nearly wanted to cry.

“Aww,” she said instead, pouting at him and reaching for her money. “Here,” she added, pulling out a couple of hundreds and flinging them out at him. “You have to properly compete with me.” 

He didn’t take the money, but he did grab his camera again, and she fluttered the paper bills in front of her face, looking at him demurely. 

When they’d returned to his apartment after the picnic, a quick stint in a bookstore and coffee shop, and then a brief walk through downtown, she’d changed out of her dress into a comfortable sweater and leggings, fuzzy socks on her feet. 

She’d never been this dressed down around him, but she didn’t feel uncomfortable.

He’d changed too, into a soft looking t-shirt and sweatpants, and was lounging on the rug with her, sipping on his whiskey just like she was. She didn’t think he was quite as tipsy as her though; he had a lot more mass to absorb the alcohol.

“Do you want some dessert?” He asked as he uncurled himself to a stand, breaking her thoughts. “I have some gluten free muffins I made the other day.” 

She wrinkled her nose, for a multitude of reasons. “That’s a sorry excuse for dessert,” she said, all high and mighty. Besides, she’d already splurged too much today. She’d nibbled on the sandwiches earlier, and some grapes, and then had shared a pastry with him at the cafe, and even ate a few pieces of chicken for dinner an hour or so ago. She couldn’t afford any more.

Her mood sank to the gutter nearly immediately, and in an attempt to stave it off she hopped to her feet, heading toward the bottle of whiskey on the counter. 

Twirling on her feet a bit, she poured herself another glass, relishing in the burn as she took a sip. 

But a little dizzy at the same time, she decided it was best to sit down, plopping down on one of the barstools by the counter. Rowan grabbed his camera and came to join her, abandoning the “dessert”. What a health nut. 

She didn’t eat it anymore, but at least she knew what actual dessert was.

Her chest clenched painfully, and she forced a smile onto her face, trying to keep the light mood of the evening going. Or night, really. The sun had long gone down, and yet, she was still here.

“Are you happy with your life?” She asked Rowan quietly, swirling the whiskey in her glass. He eyed her carefully.

“I would say so, generally,” he replied.

“What does that feel like?” She asked, her voice way too vulnerable, and she forced a laugh, avoiding his questioning eyes. “Just in case I decide to quit and move in to sleep on your absurdly comfortable couch, I have to figure out if it’d be worth it.” 

Rowan chuckled, and she was both relieved and kicking herself at the deflection. Why would he care?

Aelin took another too large sip of her whiskey, hiccuping a bit as a notification pinged on her phone. She looked down, wiping her mouth as she glanced at the email, her stomach sinking when she saw it was another update on the schedule for the shoot at Rifthold Fashion.

“What’s that?” Rowan asked from his place next to her, clearly seeing her expression falter, and she laughed once, humorlessly as she tucked her socked feet up on the barstool with her. He snapped another picture of her, curled up and casual, before letting her answer.

“A shoot at Rifthold Fashion,” she said, “with Mr. Arobynn Hamel himself.” She shook her head, gulping down some more of the burning alcohol. 

Rowan’s face twisted in distaste. “I’ve always heard that guy was a bit of an asshole.” It was a surprising statement. He was a powerful figure in the fashion world; either you’d never met him and assumed he was fine, or you had and were unable to speak against him for one reason or another. She’d never heard anyone admit what the rumors around him actually were, especially so casually, so maybe that’s why she said what she did. 

“He assaulted me when I was eighteen,” she said, almost relishing in the shock on his face as she let out a burst of hysterical giggles. The alcohol was racing way too quickly through her weakened body. “I’ve never told anyone that.” She shook her head, covering her trembling mouth with an equally shaky hand. 

“Aelin-“ he said, his face white as a sheet. 

“Oh gods,” she sighed, before laughing again. “It’s not funny,” she tried to convince herself. She knew it wasn’t, but it was better to laugh than to break down completely. “It’s pretty horrible actually. It was one of my first big shoots, and he cornered me in the dressing room and I-“ 

She looked at Rowan, though his figure was slightly blurry, filled with the sudden need to convince him. 

“I didn’t know what to do,” she explained, “I didn’t want to be blacklisted, I was a nobody. I came from nothing, I was nothing, and I am nothing now.” 

A sob burst out of her, and she quickly wiped at her face, her hand coming away soaking wet. She hadn’t even realized she was crying. She shook her head.

“Gods, I’m sorry,” she said, in between sobs, setting her drink down and weakly rubbing her face to try and stop her tears. “I look like a lunatic right now.” She was sure her mascara was leaking down her cheeks, hooking down under her jaw. She couldn’t look like this, she couldn’t look anything less than perfect. 

She scrubbed at her face, using her nails to try and pry off the stains. But a large, warm hand grabbed hers, stopping her in her tracks. 

“Hey,” Rowan said, softer than Aelin thought she’d ever heard him. His face wasn’t quite gentle, he wasn’t exactly a gentle person, but it was open, not hard. She sniffed, and closed her eyes as his other hand came up to cup her cheek, more tears spilling out of her closed lashes. 

She’d never felt his touch on her skin like this before, with just comfort instead of desire, and she liked the way his callouses felt against her soft cheek. So different from someone else’s hands, hands she could still feel all over her, no matter how many showers she took, no matter how much she tried to starve herself, both trying to wreck the body he’d touched and trying to create a perfect one so he’d never have that power over her again. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, though she didn’t know what for. 

“Don’t apologize,” he said, mirroring her own thoughts, and she cracked open her eyes, barely seeing him through the haze of tears and alcohol. His dark green eyes were as mesmerizing as they’d always been, yet more sincere than they’d ever been. 

Aelin couldn’t even say anything; all she did was lift her hand to cover his own, holding it against her face. 

He’d abandoned the camera, while before he’d been taking pictures every few minutes. She wondered what it must be like to live your life behind a lens. Was it better keeping that distance? Or was it lonely?

Though she supposed she lived her life in front of a lens, and there was nothing more isolating than that.

Another rebellious tear slipped out of her eye, and she sniffed again. 

“Let me get you some water, okay?” Rowan offered, pulling back, and she nodded, wiping at her face as he stood up and went into the kitchen, grabbing her a glass. “Do you want to stay here tonight? I don’t really feel comfortable sending you home this late, and in this state.” He waved at her, and she chuckled slightly.

“What state do you mean?” She challenged, laughing again weakly at his flustered expression. “I’m just joking,” she amended, “you’re probably right.” 

She looked at him a bit shyly. “Do you have anything I can wear? I get hot when I sleep and I don’t have anything comfortable besides this sweater.” was

Rowan blinked but nodded quickly, heading toward the back hallway. He returned with an old t-shirt, not too unlike the one he was wearing now. It was a soft, dark green material, and she had the feeling she’d never want to take it off. 

“Does this work?” He asked, and she nodded, standing up off the barstool. But the third whiskey was hitting her and she wobbled, forcing him to hurry over and steady her. His hand was warm and strong on her arm and she was tempted to lean into him, but she didn’t. 

Aelin giggled a bit, making Rowan chuckle as well.

“Gods,” he teased, “I think you’re ready for bed.” She giggled again, nodding as she stumbled over her feet.

“I’ll sleep on the couch,” she said, fighting a yawn. But he shook his head.

“No, you can take the bed, I’ll stay out here on the couch.” He didn’t give her a chance to argue, just heading toward a closet in the hallway and pulling out a blanket and pillow. Aelin shuffled into the bathroom, quickly changing out of her bulky sweater and leggings into the absurdly soft t-shirt he’d given her.

It fell nearly to her knees, and completely dwarfed her, and she decided she never wanted to wear anything else. 

When she left the bathroom, Rowan was getting the couch ready for himself, laying out the blanket, so she headed toward his bedroom, cheeks flushing at the thought of sleeping in his bed. But she was dreadfully tired. So she just wandered into the room, collapsing on top of the comforter. 

She was content to stay there, breathing in the warm scent of pine, but Rowan knocked on the open door a few minutes later, and upon seeing her sprawled out on top of the bed, chuckled and came over to help her get more comfortable. 

“Here you go,” he said, after tucking her under the comforter. She mumbled and tugged the blanket up closer to her chin, burrowing herself in his scent. “Good night, Aelin,” Rowan said, heading back toward the door. But a bit of panic shot through her.

“Rowan?” She asked quietly, and he paused, looking back at her. “Will you stay? Just for a little bit?”

He hesitated, but eventually padded over to the other side of the bed, sitting down and leaning against the headboard. His hand came out to brush against her hair, and she leaned into the touch, yawning. 

“I’m sorry about everything that’s happened to you,” he murmured a few minutes later, “about everything you’ve gone through.” 

“S’okay,” she mumbled, “don’t apologize.” 

“If there’s anything I can do I-” he said, before trailing off. Aelin shrugged, before a thought occurred to her.

“Will you come to the shoot with me?” She asked, her voice ringing through the darkened room. She’d feel better if he was there. Rowan didn’t respond for a few minutes, and she began to regret even asking. But then-

“Of course,” he said quietly, and she relaxed, her eyes fluttering closed as he caressed her hair. “Now, get some rest, Aelin. I’ll see you in the morning.” 

And to the soothing sounds of his voice and the touch of his hand, she fell asleep.

------

Rowan didn’t know what exactly had happened, but that night caused him and Aelin to go from unwilling acquaintances to something close to friends. He didn’t know if it was quite friendship, but there’d been a change. A change that meant she smiled at him quietly at the office instead of flicking him off. 

And yet, every time he saw her he couldn’t help but picture that unbearable sadness that had cracked through her facade. The way she’d laughed to try and hide the tears, but they’d streamed down her face anyway. 

It seemed there was a lot he didn’t know about her. And he was realizing now that he was happy to get the privilege of learning more.

He’d also decided that should he ever meet Arobynn Hamel, the man would be lucky to walk away with just a black eye. 

Though he supposed he would be meeting him, since he’d agreed to go to the shoot with her. He didn’t regret the decision, but he had the feeling that she would, and would eventually tell him to just leave her alone.

He wouldn’t blame her, after everything he’d said to her throughout the years. 

But he’d worry about that when it came. 

For now, though, it was time for drinks.

They were all meeting again at The Stag, and Rowan had headed over there directly after work, having to stay late to catch up on some editing that he’d missed out on doing because of the day spent with Aelin. He’d also begun editing some of the photos of her, and was feeling pretty confident about how the portfolio was coming together.

It wasn’t like he didn’t know this already, but she was incredibly photogenic.

Just then, she waltzed through the doors of the bar, ten minutes late like always, and plopped down gracefully on the barstool just opposite of him, winking when she caught him looking. He couldn’t help his faint blush.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” her best friend, Lysandra said, and Aelin laughed melodically, shrugging. 

“Like I’ve said multiple times before, you’re lucky I showed up.” She shocked him by snatching his drink and taking a large sip from it. But it seemed they shocked the rest of the group by his lack of response. 

Just a few days ago he would’ve snapped some hateful comment at her, but now he just raised his brows and leaned back in his chair. 

“As long as you go get me another one when you finish it,” was all he said, and she smiled at him slyly.

“We’ll see,” Aelin said, and he could tell they were being stared at. 

“What’s going on?” Fenrys finally said, and Rowan and Aelin both looked over at him. “Are we in an alternate universe?”

“I can’t be in a good mood?” Rowan joked, and the blonde man half scoffed half laughed.

“Good mood? Rowan?” He said, “those two do not go together.”

“Maybe just not around you,” Aelin pointed out, sipping on Rowan’s drink, and Fenrys looked very affronted, making Rowan chuckle.

“I’m so confused right now,” Aedion chimed in this time, looking back and forth between the pair. “Do you two have an inside joke?”

“Stranger things have happened,” Aelin said loftily, and her cousin narrowed his eyes at her. Rowan chuckled again, though his smile faded into a groan when his phone buzzed. He didn’t even bother checking it, knowing who it was. 

Remelle. 

Even after Aelin had so spectacularly demeaned her at the gala, the woman wouldn’t leave him alone. And he’d tried blocking her, but then she started contacting him through email, which his was publicly available for anyone in the agency, and he couldn't exactly block that since it was for work, so he’d unblocked her number so his inbox wouldn’t get spammed and make him miss an actually important email.

Rowan shut off his phone through his pocket, and found Aelin’s eyes on him when he looked back up, questioning what was wrong. He just waved her off, and she let it go. This was his annoying burden to bear, he wouldn’t try to stack his own emotional baggage on top of her already way too heavy load. If anything, he should be taking weight from her.

“Not in this friend group,” Aedion added, and Rowan couldn’t help but feel like their insistence against this happening meant that it was so ridiculous it would fall apart regardless. Fragile things were way too easily broken.

And he had the feeling like this tenuous friendship wouldn’t quite survive a fall.

------

Aelin didn’t know if she should be embarrassed or not by the revelation she’d placed on Rowan’s shoulders. But she couldn’t help but not be. 

She’d never shared it with anyone else, still didn’t know whether she should or not, definitely didn’t know what to do about it, but he’d taken all of that chaos with ease, and comforted her while she fell apart.

She didn’t deserve it. 

Maeve emphasized it when she walked into her office that morning, receiving a stern warning of You aren’t communicating your gratitude enough, to the Rifthold Fashion folks apparently. Aelin didn’t know what she was supposed to do about that.

She could lie and pretend to gush her heart out about being so “grateful” for the opportunity and run the risk of getting sick, or just stay silent. There really wasn’t much of a choice.

It was unfortunate too, because she knew most of the people at Rifthold Fashion couldn’t be like the boss was, and didn’t even know how toxic of an environment he created, but with him still there, all she could do was avoid the entire organization as much as possible. 

But it was three days until she had to be heart in the heart of it.

She spun around in her chair, hooking her heel onto the desk in front of her to stop herself from spinning too far. 

Her makeup was done sparsely, her hair smoothed back in a bun, ready to take a new headshot. She had to get a new one done every few years, especially at this stage of her life, as she did look quite a bit different than she did at eighteen. 

But Rowan was currently in a shoot with someone else, so she had to wait her turn. 

It was fine, she was scrolling through her social media on her phone, content to take a break from her constant go go go. Though she did need to workout when she got back home, her favorite pilates guru on youtube had a new video that was calling her name. 

Aelin swung her foot like a pendulum, pulling herself back and forth slightly along the desk. 

The walls were so shiny white they were basically mirrors, so she had a warning when she saw Remelle come up behind her. 

“Remelle, darling,” Aelin said mockingly, turning the chair around to look at her. “What can I do for you?” She hadn’t seen the girl since the gala, nor did she really want to.

Remelle popped a hip, leaning into it slightly. “I just wanted to let you know that any day now, he’s going to get tired of you,” she said, and Aelin cocked a golden brow. “Just like the world is going to get tired of you, and realize there’s something better out there than a skanky bitch who slept her way to the top.” 

Her blood ran cold. 

“Report me to Maeve all you want,” Remelle continued, even though Aelin was sure her face was stoney, “at least I can fit in size zero jeans.” 

And then she was walking away. Sauntering more like it, like she’d won something. Gods she was horrible, and Aelin barely even knew her, had only spoken to her twice. 

But - she couldn’t deny that the girl had landed a few blows. The most pressing was the sleeping her way to the top rumor. Was that what people thought? Or was that just a random attack, hoping to hit the mark somewhere?

But the blow that ached to her core was the second remark. The one about her body. It shouldn’t bother her that much, but the worry was so ingrained in her that it did. 

“Aelin?” Rowan’s voice called, the door to his little studio open, and she fixed her expression immediately, smiling at him as she headed in. “Everything okay?”

“Yep,” she said, but it was hollow. Just like her.

-------

Rowan shouldn’t be so happy to see Aelin back in his apartment, but the sight of her cozying up on the couch made his heart warm in a way that was disconcertingly unfamiliar. 

She’d bounded in the front door as soon as he’d opened it, and crashed onto the couch, only sitting up when he’d come and joined her, his laptop in hand. 

He’d spent all day finishing up the edits for the pictures, and had picked out the ones he thought melded in the most organic way. He was excited to show her. So he’d invited her over for the evening. He had dinner cooking in the oven, music on, his laptop up and ready to go… almost like a date night. The thought of that made his cheeks flush incomprehensibly. It was work, purely work.

In fact, it was probably what he was proudest of in his entire career. With the slight filters he’d put on the photographs, and the way he arranged them, it was like a thousand moments captured in one single frame. He’d have to thank Elide for the amazing idea. 

“Are these the pictures?” Aelin asked, and he looked over at her, furrowing his brows when he saw she was looking away. 

“Yes,” he said, “I think the portfolio is done, they’re ready to submit but I wanted to show you first.”

“It’s okay,” she said, shaking her head. “I trust you. I don’t need to see them.” 

She stood up off the couch, meandering over to the record player. He watched her retreat, catching her back profile as she stared at the vinyl spinning around, an old jazz favorite of his. Something completely obscure that he’d never thought they’d have in common, but apparently they did. 

“What do you mean?” Rowan dared to question, turning slightly on the couch. He heard her sigh crackle from all the way across the room. 

“I don’t look at any of the pictures I take,” she said, before turning quickly to face him, an entirely fake smile on her pink painted lips. “Why bother, you know?” And then she was bounding away again, not giving him time to address that surprising statement. 

“Do you have that t-shirt still?” She asked, heading into his room. “I’m going to steal it from you.” 

He stared after her, dumbfounded, as she disappeared into his room, emerging a few minutes later wearing nothing but his t-shirt, like she’d said. Of course, it completely covered her, but still. 

“What are you cooking?” She suddenly asked, changing direction and heading into the kitchen. Rowan could barely keep up with her manic energy. Something was clearly wrong.

She hadn’t been okay earlier either, despite her attempts to dissuade him. She’d smiled in her headshot like she was supposed to, but it hadn’t shined through her eyes. 

“Aelin…” he said, trailing off, and she finally paused, glancing over at him, her face unreadable. 

“Would it make you happy if I looked at them?” She asked, and he blinked. 

“Would it make you happy?” He countered, and she pursed her lips and didn’t answer. But without another word, she slowly made her way back to the couch, sighing shakily and painting a small smile on her face.

“Let me see what kinda magic you made,” she teased, and he carefully pulled the pictures back up, while still watching her out of the corner of his eyes. 

He slowly scrolled through the selection of them he’d made, gaze darting back between the screen and her reaction.

He’d put a specific filter on them, blurring them a bit to make them all look older, almost retro. Like they hadn’t been taken with an expensive ass camera, and instead with an old canon polaroid. 

There were some of them out at the park, her smiling face glowing in the sunlight, some of them wandering through downtown, her hair flicked back over her shoulder as she laughed at him. There was one of his favorites, when they were in the cafe. She was holding a cup of coffee and looking out the window, her profile highlighted by the soft amber lighting. 

Then of them back in his apartment, sitting across from him as they played monopoly, holding the cash in front of her face like a fan. 

Her entire essence of being was radiating from each and every picture, and it was magnetizing. Not because of him, not because of his camera, but because of her. 

But her brows were furrowed, her face scrunched in what looked like anxious confusion as she looked at them. His stomach dropped.

“Who is that?” She said, her voice so quiet he could barely hear it. 

“What?” He asked, concern now filling his veins. Something wasn’t right.

Aelin just shook her head, pushing herself to a stand and retreating into the kitchen. “Your food is almost done,” she said, and Rowan set his laptop down carefully, following her over there.

Sure enough, the oven timer went off just as he got into the kitchen, and he grabbed the oven mit, taking out the pan of chicken and setting it on the stovetop. 

“Smells good,” he said, looking over at her, but she just smiled weakly and went to sit down at the countertop. He took that as an offer to sit and eat, and he grabbed two plates, setting pieces of chicken on each and cutting them both, passing one to her. 

Rowan grabbed a fork for her too, coming to sit in the seat next to her. 

“Dig in,” he said, as she took the fork from him, and he speared a piece himself, nodding at the flavor. It turned out pretty good, not too dry, with the right amount of seasoning for the flavor palette he was going for.

In a few minutes he was already halfway through the plate, but when he glanced over, Aelin hadn’t eaten a single bite. She was just pushing pieces around with the fork, her mouth pinched. 

“Come on,” he said, nudging her shoulder with his own. “Just try it.” 

She glanced at him a little derisively, but picked up one tiny piece with her fork, considering for a moment before carefully putting it in her mouth. Rowan watched her expression as she chewed, satisfaction racing through him as her expression morphed into one of surprised delight. 

“It’s good,” she nodded, grabbing another piece.

“Yeah?” He asked, and she nodded again, mouth full of chicken. He could only chuckle as she dug her way through the rest of the chicken, following suit on his own plate. 

He watched her carefully as she ate, waiting until she was close to finishing before asking - 

“Why don’t you look at any pictures of yourself?” 

She paused, before swallowing the last piece of chicken and setting her fork down with a small clink. 

“It doesn’t-” she sighed, looking up at nothing as she clearly fought with her words. “It just doesn’t - help.” 

Rowan figured the words made sense to her, even if they didn’t to him, and he was waiting for her to say more, but her eyes dropped to her plate and her mouth stayed shut. A long moment passed, a million different expressions fluttering along her face, and the only noise was the faint jazz in the corner. 

“If you’ll excuse me,” she said quietly, standing up from the barstool quickly and heading toward the bathroom. She looked both in a rush, and looked like a ghost who’d walked this path a thousand times over a thousand centuries, and Rowan’s gaze followed her, frowning as the bathroom door closed with a quiet click.

He watched the closed door for a second before turning back to his chicken, chewing on another piece. But it turned to ash in his mouth, anxiety swirling in his gut the longer Aelin stayed in there. 

He glanced back again, but nothing had changed. 

A few minutes later, Rowan couldn’t fight the bad feeling inside of him anymore, and he stood up, heading toward the bathroom with the sound of his blood rushing through his ears. His heartbeat sped up, and with each step he debated if he wanted to keep going or if he wanted to retreat.

But something was telling him that something was wrong. 

“Aelin?” He asked, rapping on the door with his knuckles. “Are you okay?” 

No sound came through, and he waited one more minute, before slowly pushing on the handle, giving her time to protest before opening the door. But he stopped hesitating when he found her on her knees, sticking two fingers down her throat. 

“Aelin!” He called out, kneeling down and reaching out for her. But it was too late as she retched into the toilet in front of her. The best he could do was hold her loose hair back, sighing heavily as she purged the chicken she’d just eaten.

All the pieces were coming together. 

Why he never saw her eat; why if she did eat, she disappeared into the bathroom minutes later; why she exercised like her life depended on it; why she was so skinny. The fashion world was toxic, he knew that, but she’d always seemed so untouchable. So - so above it all.

Turns out, she was deep underwater, with no way to get to the surface.

Eventually she heaved for air, leaning over to rest her head against the wall. She looked back at him, her eyes watery as she wiped her mouth. 

“I can’t do it, Rowan,” she breathed, shaking her head weakly. “I can’t.”

And his heart broke. 

“Aelin,” he sighed, cupping her soft cheek with his hand. She just looked at him, as if afraid of what he’d say, but ready to defend her actions should he try to fight, so all he did was lean over and flush the toilet, before standing up and holding out a hand.

She eyed it warily, before grabbing it, letting him help her to a stand. 

She stood there waiting as he grabbed a hand towel, turning on the faucet and getting the corner of it wet before turning to her. Slowly and carefully, he reached for her, holding her cheek with one hand as he used the other to dab at her mouth with the towel, cleaning up the last bit of throw up she’d missed. 

Her eyes were on him, full of unreadable emotion as he set the towel back down. He reached under the counter for the bottle of mouthwash, setting it out for her to see. 

“In case you want to get rid of the taste,” he teased gently, earning a breathy chuckle. He deemed that a success, and stepped aside as she stepped toward the sink, getting some mouthwash in the cup and gargling it before spitting it into the ceramic, washing it down with water from the faucet. 

“Come on,” he said, nodding back toward the living room. “I’ll get you some water.”

Aelin nodded, following him as he left the bathroom. He let her curl up on the couch as he went into the kitchen, getting her a cup of water before heading back out to join her. She sipped on the water as he sat down next to her.

“Does anyone else know?” Rowan asked, and she shook her head. 

“Maeve might,” she amended, before laughing sardonically, “though she encourages it. I was short of my weight loss goal for the month and got chewed out for it.”

Horror struck him. 

“How much do you weigh?” He asked, having to know even if he didn’t want to. She tucked her face on her knees.

“110 pounds?” She said, almost like it was a question. His gut sank. “What?” She said, defensively. “It’s a perfectly normal weight.”

“If you’re about half a foot shorter than you are,” he insisted, massaging his temple with a hand. “When did it start?” He asked, and she laughed once, humorlessly again. 

“Five years ago,” she said, “after my body stopped being mine alone. After it was ruined.” 

Arobynn. In her mind, he’d ruined her. So why not ruin herself even more?

“And that’s why you won’t look at yourself?” He asked, and she shrugged.

“It sparks a lot of… behaviors I know aren’t good,” she admitted. “If I think I look bad in a picture I’ll spend another hour running on the treadmill, or I won’t eat for the rest of the day.” She sighed, burying her head in her knees. “I know it’s not healthy, but you have to understand, Rowan. The pressure. I screw up once, I don’t take care of my body for one day, and I end up losing everything that I’ve worked for for years.” Silence, before - “But everyone sees right through me anyway. And soon you will too.”

“This isn’t taking care of yourself,” he said, shaking his head. But she wasn’t looking at him. “Aelin.” She didn’t look at him. “Aelin.” 

She finally looked over, her eyes nervous. 

“You’re beautiful,” he said, putting enough insistence behind his voice to convince her. She blinked, a singular tear slipping down her raw cheeks. “I want you to know that. But most of all, I want you to be happy with who you are.” 

“I don’t know how,” she said, her throat tight with unshed tears. “I look in the mirror and I hate what looks back.” 

Rowan leaned in, resting his forehead against hers. He reached out and placed his hand on her cheek, and she closed her eyes. 

They stayed there for a moment, sharing breaths and just sitting in the silence. He didn’t know how to help her, he didn’t know how to make her love herself. But maybe - just maybe - he could show her who she was through his eyes. 

“Let me show you how stunning you are,” he breathed, his heart pounding as he leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek. A soft sigh escaped her and he took the encouragement, trailing down to kiss the underside of her jaw. 

“Rowan,” she breathed, but remained still, inviting him to continue, yet self conscious at the same time. That wouldn’t do. 

His hand slid from her cheek down to her arm, loosely guiding her to lay back against the couch. Slowly, he leaned down, pressing another kiss to her neck, relishing in the breathy gasp she let out. But he didn’t stay there for long, traveling down her throat and nipping at her collarbone. And then he shifted even farther, a hand settling on her waist, lifting up her shirt slightly to kiss her hip bone. 

Her shirt had ridden up, revealing the smooth skin of her stomach, but instead of following the path it’d created, he moved to kneel off the couch. And then he reached for his camera, lying abandoned on the coffee table, holding it so Aelin could clearly see. Her head was turned to him, her golden hair spilling off the edge of the couch. 

Kneeling in front of her, he lifted up the camera, seeing her face through the lens as he snapped a picture. The air between them was charged, his heart beating nearly out of his chest as he turned to catch a new angle, the edge of the t-shirt she was wearing, and the soft skin it revealed. 

Then it was the lace edge of her underwear, and the curve of her hip to her thigh, then the smooth skin of her leg, propped up on the couch. 

Slowly, keeping his eyes on her, he moved back over, and with one hand he slid her shirt up farther and caught a picture of just the shadow of her breasts revealed. She nodded, her heart visibly racing, and he pushed the shirt up farther, catching a picture of her bare chest. 

“Gods, you’re so beautiful,” he whispered, helping her take off the shirt completely. She sniffed, and he looked up to meet her gaze, seeing her soulful blue eyes glistening with emotion. He couldn’t resist taking another picture, lacing his free hand with one of hers to press above her head on the couch. 

“Kiss me,” she murmured, and how could he deny her? 

He set aside the camera, before leaning down over her, finally capturing her lips in a heated, slow kiss. She tasted like heaven, and everything sweet he’d ever had the pleasure of enjoying, though he knew nothing could ever live up to the pleasure of this. 

The kiss deepened, and Aelin hooked one of her legs over his back, pulling him in closer. He slid his free hand up her stomach, grabbing onto and massaging one of her breasts, earning a gaspy moan into his mouth. 

He brushed his thumb over the peak, and her breath hitched again. He took the opportunity to nudge at one of her lips with his tongue, which she immediately accepted, opening her mouth for him to enter. 

Her hand was squeezing his tightly, her heel digging into his lower back, and he broke their kiss only momentarily to take his shirt off, wanting to feel her bare skin against his. And when he leaned back down, he returned to her neck, pressing alternating slow and fast kisses, sucking and biting and probably leaving marks, but she didn’t seem to care if the way she was moaning was any indication.

Taking the hand from her breast, he dragged it down her stomach, toying with the edge of her underwear, teasing the sensitive skin there. 

“Can I?” He asked, his voice gravelly, and she nodded, arching into his hand. Rowan slowly hooked his fingers under the hem, pulling her underwear down her legs. 

He let go of her hand, and moved his to slide up her legs slowly, parting her thighs. He slid his left hand up farther, using his thumb to part her folds. After taking a breath, he leaned in and pressed a kiss to her clit. Her intake of breath stoked the fire in him, and after a moment he leaned down farther, licking a line up her folds.

“Oh gods,” she moaned, and that was the breaking point. He devoured her like he was parched and she was the sweetest oasis in a barren desert, using his fingers to coax even more delicious sounds from her.

It didn’t take long before she hit that peak, her body squeezing him tightly as she came. 

She was panting as she came down, and with her hands she pulled him up to her, pulling him down to a desperate kiss. Eventually they broke, both of them breathing heavily. 

“Fuck me, please,” she pleaded, and he groaned, reaching to hurriedly take off his pants. When was naked, he reached over to the drawer in his coffee table, retrieving a condom and sliding it on quickly. 

“Fuck people on your couch often?” Aelin teased breathlessly, and he chuckled, nipping at her ear. 

“Blame Fenrys for this. He thought I needed an emergency stash,” he explained, rolling his hips against hers and drawing out another gasp. 

“Stop teasing,” she ordered him, and he chuckled, even as he lined up and nudged at her entrance. Her face screwed tightly as he pushed in slightly, and he waited until she nodded to push in all the way. 

And then he started moving. And his world ended. 

He wasn’t completely inexperienced, but he’d certainly never had anyone that felt like her. Her legs wrapped around his waist, and he grabbed her hand, pressing it above her head like it’d been before. 

His other hand tangled in the hair sprawled over the couch cushions, his eyes glued to her face as her brows furrowed deliciously, her eyes screwed tightly closed and her mouth open in a clear sign of pleasure. 

“Oh gods,” she moaned, her free hand clutching his shoulder tightly. 

It didn’t take long for him to near his climax, but Aelin was approaching hers to so he held his off, reaching for his camera. And right as she came he snapped a picture of her face, release hitting him right after. 

Both of them were covered in sweat as they came down, and Rowan set the camera back down to the side, before pulling out of her carefully. She pressed a few fluttering kisses to his chin and he caught her lips for one soft kiss before pulling back, traveling to the bathroom quickly to get rid of the condom. 

He came back out to the living room, to find Aelin still sprawled out on the couch. He leaned over her and kissed her deeply. They both smiled at each other when he broke it. 

“Come on,” he said, sliding on his boxers, and helping her back into his t-shirt. “Let me get you some food.” 

He watched her reaction carefully, but she just smiled shyly. “Can you make me some green beans?” 

Rowan blinked, processing the words before breaking out into a grin. “Yeah,” he laughed, grabbing her hand and pressing a kiss to it. “I can.” 

She was so… so beautiful. And not just her looks, everything about her. Every time he saw her, he felt like he was adrift in the ocean, and she was the life raft he needed to survive. 

He hadn’t seen this coming, but he’d be damned to let it go now.

———

Finally, it was the day of the shoot. Aelin didn’t know which emotions were going to win out: nausea, because it was finally happening, or relief, because the sooner it happened the sooner she’d be done. 

The building loomed before her, and she breathed shakily, clutching Rowan’s hand tightly. 

They’d hardly separated in the few days since they’d been together that first time, even when Aelin had shoots and Rowan had work to do, they’d come back to his apartment as soon as possible. They never went to hers; his was just homier. 

They hadn’t officially stated what they were to each other, and they certainly hadn’t told anyone else, but Aelin was immensely happy that he was there with her as she pushed open those doors that were seared into her mind. 

Neither of them spoke as they walked across the lobby, entering the elevator to take it up to the fortieth floor. It was only when the elevator dinged, and the doors started to slide open, that Rowan looked at her and said -

“Don’t forget, I’m here with you,” he said, lifting their joint hands to kiss the back of hers. She just smiled tightly at him before stepping forward, and into hell.

Aelin breathed in shakily as she walked into the Rifthold Fashion headquarters, her heels clicking on the marble floor. She didn’t even bother speaking to the receptionist and asking where to go, having memorized the layout the last time it was here.

It essentially looked like the exact stereotypical image of a fashion magazine’s office, with caffeine crazed assistants bustling around carrying stacks of clothing, and everyone looking like they’re scared of getting yelled at every second of every day. It was fashionable, but everything was on the brink of implosion.

Beautiful chaos. 

Her heart was racing, but she kept her chin up as she walked toward the photography studio, where she would be painted and dressed up like a little doll before being photographed for the cover of next month’s edition. 

She wasn’t bitter, it was her job and she loved her job, but it was just a little difficult to be grateful about this opportunity after what happened last time. 

“Ms. Galathynius,” a voice greeted, and her spine stiffened, every nerve in her body going silent. “How nice of you to join us today.” 

And Arobynn Hamel slid into her gaze, smiling at her crookedly. Everything in her was telling her to run, but she steeled herself, lifting her chin and leveling a cold gaze at him. 

“Mr. Hamel,” she acknowledged, hating the way her voice quivered slightly. He seemed to catch it, amusement sparking in his eyes. But he didn’t say anything, turning his attention to Rowan, and to their interlocked hands.

“And who is this?” He asked, cocking an auburn brow. 

“Rowan Whitethorn,” Rowan answered, not giving any more information. Arobynn stuck out a hand to shake, but Rowan didn’t respond, keeping his free hand in his pocket instead. Aelin had to fight the urge to chuckle. 

“If you’ll excuse us,” she said, pulling Rowan to start walking around the man. “I’m needed in the hair and makeup room.” 

Once he was out of sight, Aelin let loose a shuddering breath, squeezing her eyes shut. 

“Are you okay?” Rowan asked quietly, and she nodded tightly, before looking up at him. 

“He’s not involved in the details and actual process of the shoot,” she explained, “so if I’m lucky, I won’t have to see him again.” She smiled tightly, ignoring the concerned look in his green eyes. “Let’s go.” 

Aelin headed back further into the office space, going toward where the shoot was to be set up. She hadn’t been lying, she was needed in the hair and makeup room. That was the first stop. She knew this whole process like the back of her hand, sure the details varied from place to place, but overall, she knew what was expected of her, and she knew how to do it efficiently.

Now, she just did it with Rowan by her side.

------

The shoot went smoothly for the most part. Arobynn hadn’t made another appearance, and Aelin was able to do what she did best: model. The theme for the cover was Old Glamour, so she’d been dressed in a gown of dripping diamonds, her hair curled up in a low bun with dramatic eyeliner and dark red lipstick. 

It was one of her favorite looks she’d ever been in, and the irony was not lost on her.

“Everytime I think you can’t possibly get any more beautiful, you prove me wrong,” Rowan said as she exited the shoot room, an adorable starstruck look on his face. Aelin laughed, letting him grab her hand and kiss it dramatically. 

“What can I say,” she teased, “I’m just full of surprises.” He chuckled, sliding his arm around her waist. She turned to press a kiss to his cheek, laughing at the red stain it left. Rowan didn’t even try to wipe it away.

“Come on,” he said, “let’s go get ready to go.” 

The makeup artists had offered to help her strip the entire look too, but she’d turned them down, not needing their help. It was nice of them, but she didn’t need to take up more of their time. She’d be just fine doing it herself. 

They headed back toward the dressing room, luckily a different one than the one she’d been in five years ago. It was just a room, but she really didn’t need the attached memories haunting her. She’d been lucky so far, she was hoping it would last.

“Can you grab me my bag?” Aelin asked Rowan as she sat down in the chair in front of the mirror, digging out her makeup remover wipes when he did. She took off the fake eyelashes first, before tackling the red lipstick, which proved to be a struggle. 

The dress, while extravagant, was surprisingly comfortable, so she hadn’t bothered to take that off yet. 

“Thank you for coming with me,” she said to Rowan, looking over at him. It still didn’t feel real, their whole - relationship. If that was even what it was. “I really do appreciate it. I feel a lot calmer, then I would’ve if I’d come by myself.”

“Hey,” he said, from the chair next to hers. “You trusted me with what happened. It’s the least I can do to try and make you feel more comfortable with it.” His expression was sincere, and she paused in her makeup removing to lean her head against his shoulder. 

And then his phone rang. 

She lifted her head up as he reached for the device, his face paling at the number. 

“It’s the Rifthold Institute,” he said, and she smiled excitedly. He’d submitted the portfolio two days ago, though she’d had to help him push the button because he couldn’t do it by himself. They really were stunning photos, even if she still wasn’t happy with how she looked. But that was eternal, that didn’t have anything to do with him.

“Are you going to answer it?” She asked, and he looked down at it again.

“My phone only has one bar in here,” he explained, “I won’t be able to hear them very well.”

“Go outside then,” she shooed him, “I’ll be fine.” He hesitated, but she insisted again and he sighed, following suit. 

The door clicked shut behind him, right as he answered the call, and Aelin smiled contently as she turned back to the mirror, returning to her process of removing her makeup. He would get the job, she was sure of it. And yes, she’d miss seeing him around the office, but she wanted him to be happy, and he was not happy there.

She’d just removed her eyeliner, using up three wipes for that alone, when the door opened again. But she froze as she looked in the mirror and saw not a flash of silvery hair, but of red.

“Aelin, Aelin, Aelin,” he said, a sick smile on his face. “That was such a cold greeting earlier. What on earth did I do to deserve that?”

She set the wipe down, keeping her face firm. “Do I really need to answer that question?” Gods. Her hands were trying to shake, but she clenched them into fists. If he tried anything, she wouldn’t be complacent this time. She’d fight back.

Where was Rowan?

“Your boy toy isn’t coming back anytime soon,” Arobynn added, walking closer to her. She tensed. “He’s deep in conversation, far away from this room. Gives us time to talk.” 

“I’m not interested in talking with you,” she said, pushing herself to a stand and moving toward the door. But he stepped in front of her, blocking her path. Her heart thumped painfully in her chest. She needed to get out of here, now. 

“Well too bad,” he said, a little more aggressively. “Because you’re going to.” He grabbed her arm, and panic raced through her veins. With his other hand he gripped her jaw, holding her face close to his. “It was fun last time, wasn’t it?” He asked with a contemptuous smile. “We can do it again.”

“Let. Me. Go.” She ordered, her voice shaking, gathering all the nerve left in her to make herself sound strong. She was strong. She wouldn’t let this happen again.

But he didn’t listen, instead he leaned in and forced his lips onto hers, even as she struggled to get away. Eventually she was able to get her legs to work and she kneed him straight in the groin, shoving him back when he bent over in pain. 

“Get the fuck away from me,” she cursed, panting. Her hair had come loose from her bun, a strand hanging in front of her eyes. 

Just then, the door opened again, and Rowan entered, his face angry as death. 

“I think you better leave before I do something I won’t regret,” Rowan spit, his eyes dark. Arobynn stood up and straightened his jacket, his face tight with his own anger. But he didn’t dare say anything, just throwing her a contemptuous look and heading out of the dressing room. It was his company, he could try to pin the blame on Rowan, or shout that there was some disturbance, or try to get her in trouble, but luckily, he just left.

Aelin didn’t breathe until the door shut behind him, sagging against the wall. 

“Are you okay?” Rowan asked quietly, coming up to her side quickly. She sniffed and straightened, nodding as she rubbed at her face. 

“Yes, I think so.” But she sighed heavily, reaching for the makeup wipe again. “He just had such confidence. That he could walk in here and do this with the door not even locked. It makes me wonder how many other girls have gone through the same thing.” Her heart broke at the thought. It’d happened so quickly, that time and this time. How many other people were forced to experience their life changing completely in a few minutes?

She wiped at her lips again, even if the lipstick was all removed. And she took out the pins in her hair, brushing it through before clipping it up. It was only then she reached for her change of clothes. Rowan looked like he was about to ask if she’d like him to leave, but she just shook her head. 

“Are you going to report him?” Rowan asked, after she changed into her jeans and t-shirt. Aelin huffed a breath, rubbing at her forehead. It wasn’t nearly as bad as last time, but maybe she shouldn’t be so blasé about being the victim of assault yet again. Even if it was only attempted. 

“I don’t know, Rowan,” she said honestly, but she didn’t look at him, choosing to hang up the dress instead. “He clearly doesn’t expect me to. Probably because I haven’t reported the first time in the five years since it happened.” She shook her head. “No one would believe me anyway.” 

“I would,” he said, “I would vouch for you.”

She laughed humorlessly. “And you’d be claimed as biased like that.” She snapped for emphasis. He didn’t answer, and she shook her head again, packing everything up in her bag before picking it up. “Let’s just get the hell out of here.” 

He nodded, and that was that.

——-

They ended up in the same cafe they’d taken pictures in, and Rowan watched Aelin carefully as she sipped on her coffee, trying really fucking hard to pretend she wasn’t affected.

She was looking out the window, drinking from her disgustingly sugary hazelnut monstrosity, but the hand on the table was shaking slightly and he reached out to hold it gently. She smiled at him thinly. 

He’d tried to buy her a pastry to go along with the coffee, but she’d turned it down. She should eat it, he didn’t think she’d really eaten anything substantial that day, but he couldn’t force her to. She needed to see a professional for tackling such a deep-seated issue as this one, as much as he wanted to help he really couldn’t. 

He would just have to trust that she would try to help herself.

“Oh,” she said, blinking, “how was the phone call? Did you get the job?”

“It was just to let me know it’s been narrowed down to two,” Rowan answered, trying not to show the nerves inside of him. “And to ask me about some formalities and contract details and stuff.” Aelin nodded her head in contemplation. 

“So you’re getting it,” she said, with total faith, and his heart warmed. 

“We’ll see,” he answered, shrugging. “I’ll know by the end of the week.” The other candidate was older, with more experience, but the man he’d talked to at the Institute had said they were also considering looking for some new blood, someone young to bring a new perspective into the place. 

He was hoping that would mean him. But he would just have to wait and see.

Just then his phone buzzed, and he cursed under his breath, pulling it out and seeing that annoyingly familiar number on the screen. He turned his notifications off and shoved his phone back in his pocket, but saw Aelin watching him curiously. He just waved her off. 

“So…” Aelin said, a few minutes later. She smiled slyly. “Am I your girlfriend now?”

Rowan chuckled, trying to act casual even though the question sent his heart soaring. “Do you want to be?”

Aelin shrugged, acting blase. “I’m not sure. Let me get back to you in a day or two.” But she was grinning, and he rolled his eyes.

“Smart ass,” he said, and she laughed. 

“You love it,” she accused, and he smiled gently. 

“Yeah. I really do.”

------

A few days later, and they still hadn’t announced their relationship to the rest of the group. But Aelin was holding off, just because she wasn’t really sure how to explain how it happened. Oh, I came over to let him take pictures of me, and ended up spilling my trauma to him, to which he reacted surprisingly really well. And even went with me to confront my assaulter, and threatened to beat him up when he tried to assault me again. And the rest is history. 

No, that wouldn’t go well at all. 

And she knew the first person she would want to tell was Aedion. They’d barely talked in the last few weeks, as she was so wrapped up in everything else going on, and the guilt was so potent she could nearly taste it. But soon. They’d catch up soon.

She gathered her keys and slid her sunglasses as she headed out of her apartment, making sure to lock the door behind her. Then she was off, heading down the elevator and exiting the building out onto the street.

It was a Tuesday, late morning, so it wasn’t too busy. But she still had to fight through pedestrians as she made her way to the metro station. She normally hated taking the subway, but she wasn’t dolled up enough to make people recognize her, so she could float under the radar. And it was faster than a taxi in constant traffic like this.

She paid the toll and walked into the station, waiting for the next train like everyone else. She was going to get a massage at her favorite massage parlor, but it was a few miles away and she didn’t feel like walking that whole distance. 

When the right train arrived, she stepped onto it like everyone else, enjoying getting to pretend to be normal for a little bit. She didn’t sit down, instead grabbing one of the handles from the ceiling, and pulled out her phone, scrolling through her notifications as the doors closed and the train started to move.

Her stomach dropped.

Request for Signature the subject line read, from an email she recognized too well.

She felt nauseous as she opened it, scrolling down to the attached file. There was no message anyway, no introduction to whatever this was. And pretty soon, she found out.

Non-Disclosure Agreement was at the top, and her heart thumped in her chest as she skimmed through the terms. 

…not allowed to discuss or attempt to publicize any information regarding the untoward actions of Mr. Hamel on the dates of…

…will receive three million dollars as a result of returning this document with a completed signature…

…infringement of this document will result in a penalty of two times the prior amount listed…

And it ended with: 

Please return signed within three business days.

Aelin was going to be sick. This was what he was trying to do? Tempt her into signing a document that she couldn’t ever reasonably break? Six million dollars would be the penalty; she was a well paid model, but that was a hefty amount to owe all at once.

And yet - if she signed it, it would be over.

“Fuck,” she cursed, rubbing her forehead. Why was everything in her life so screwy? Was it her? Or was it the gods trying to fuck with her?

The metro stopped at the next station, and she glanced up at the signs, quickly identifying where she was. And though she had four more stops to go before she was supposed to get off, she let go of the handle and walked to the doors.

Change of plans.

------

Rowan was going to throw his phone off a cliff. Or if not a cliff, he was going to find a bridge somewhere and throw it into the river below. Just enough to make sure that no one would ever be able to contact him on it again.

Or mainly - one person.

Remelle LaFleur was quickly becoming the utter bane of his existence, and he had no real idea of how to get her out of it. He opened their text thread, seeing the long list of her texts, with only a few dotting his side. 

> come on, let’s just get dinner

> I promise I’ll make it worth your while

&lt; Remelle, I have a girlfriend now

> that whore Aelin Galathynius?

> you can do so much better than her

To that, he hadn’t replied, completely at a loss for words of what to even say to that. No, he couldn’t do better than her. But this was just getting completely out of hand. 

He collapsed back on his couch, his head in his hands as he tried to sort out what the hell to do about this. She wasn’t going to leave him alone if he replied, or if he didn’t reply either. Maybe he needed to try and reason with her, to convince her that this was an utter dead end. 

But would she listen over text? From what he could tell, she would just ignore the message and keep harassing him. 

Should he tell Aelin what was going on? Maybe she could help. She was starting to notice anyway; she’d given him odd looks whenever Remelle texted him, and he’d had to pull out and silence his phone. And yet - did he want to put this on her plate? She already had so much going on. This wouldn’t do anything but add more stress.

He contemplated it as he opened his laptop, pulling up some headshots he was meant to be editing. He’d taken the day as a work from home day; Maeve didn’t really care as long as he came in for the shoots he needed to do, and got his edits done on time. 

Hopefully, he would be done with this pretty soon. He was supposed to find out about the job within three days. And hopefully that phone call would be the end of this mindless work.

Maybe he could use that as a way to convince Remelle too. 

But it would be better in person. That way he could make sure the message was actually getting to her. Not going straight into her trash.

&lt; I’ll meet with you in person one time

< We need to talk

This needed to stop. 

He shut off his phone then, turning back to his laptop, but a rapid knocking on the door grabbed his attention. Rowan furrowed his brows, hurrying to go over there and open it. Aelin was on the other side, and at first he was concerned that something was wrong, but she wasn’t crying, she was mad. 

“Look at what this fucker is trying to do,” she spit, shoving her phone at him as she stepped inside. Rowan idly shut the door behind her as his eyes focused on the screen, and on the words Non-Disclosure Agreement. 

Well shit.

“He’s trying to bribe me into shutting up,” she huffed, walking over and sitting down on the couch. “And I thought he couldn’t get any worse.” She shook her head and he came over there. “Three million dollars. That’s what he thinks I’m worth.” 

Rowan sat in silence for a moment, figuring out how to best approach the subject. 

“What are you thinking of doing?” He asked, carefully, and she glanced at him. 

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “I don’t want to take the deal, but if I do, then this is over. I can put it behind me, and he won’t bother me again.” 

“But-” he said, knowing her too well.

“Then I’m stuck,” she added, chewing on her lip. “If I change my mind and ever want to speak out, I can’t.” She made a miserable noise and flopped over, her head in his lap. Rowan automatically started caressing her hair, combing through it gently. 

“How much time do you have to decide?” He asked quietly, and she blinked up at him, her blue eyes full of emotion.

“Three days.” 

“Same time for the job,” he said, huffing a humorless laugh. Rowan lifted up her phone again, reading through the contract with more detail. “Here,” he said after a moment, “text Elide on my phone. She should take a look at this.” 

“Good idea,” Aelin said, reaching over to grab his phone off of the coffee table. 

Rowan read over the exact terms of the agreement again, frowning when he saw just what she wouldn’t be allowed to talk about, and what she would be forced to pay if she did speak about it. Something about this was just wrong, he didn’t like the idea of her being trapped into it.

“Aelin, I-”

“What is this,” Aelin interrupted, her eyes glued to his phone. His heart stopped at her flat tone. Especially as she sat up, distancing herself from him. “Why did she say this? Why are you texting her?”

“Wha-” 

“Perfect. You can come over to my place at eight,” she continued, “I’ll make you forget about that slut.” His face drained of all color as she realized what she was seeing. What she was reading.

“It’s not like that,” he tried to say, but he realized how that sounded. She finally looked up at him, her face filled with such pain his heart broke. “Aelin-”

She just shook her head, standing up quickly. “Don’t,” she said, her voice shuddering. “Don’t even bother.” she was still shaking her head, looking everywhere but at him. “I shouldn’t be surprised, doesn’t everyone end up leaving me anyway?” Her voice was getting tight with what sounded like unshed tears. “But I thought you would be the one to stay.” 

“Aelin, I promise you-” he was getting desperate now. But that set her off.

“No,” she interrupted, spinning around to face him, nearly throwing his phone across the room. “I don’t want to hear it,” she spit, her face full of anger. “You… you fucker.” She gripped at her hair.

“Aelin,” he said, standing up. “I swear it’s not like that, just let me exp-”

“I don’t want to hear your excuses,” she said, interrupting him again, “I trusted you, with everything.” Her voice broke. “And this is what you give me in return?” A tear slipped down her face, and she quickly wiped it away. But he saw.

“I can’t,” she whispered, “I just can’t.” She wiped at her face again, grabbing her phone from the couch and heading toward the door. Rowan couldn’t do anything but watch as she opened it and turned back to face him. “I hope you get the job, I really do.” She smiled bitterly. “Because then I’ll never have to see your face again.”

And then she was gone.

-----

The dark cloud that had lifted slightly had descended again with a fury, and Aelin had trouble getting out of bed for the first time in years. Most of the time, she was able to motivate herself with work, and the knowledge of the self-hate that would hit her if she let herself slip for even a moment. But that morning, she wanted to ignore her alarm and just sink into the sheets so deeply she became a part of them, never having to see the daylight again.

She didn’t want to see the sun, not anymore.

She’d cried herself to sleep the night before, and once she did finally manage to drag herself out of bed and into the bathroom, it was swollen eyes and splotchy cheeks that she met in the mirror. 

“Gods,” she whispered under her breath, hanging her head low as she leaned against the counter. “Get yourself together.” She hit the marble once with her hand before huffing and standing up straight, staring at herself in the eyes.

She’d been through worse than this, she’d been to hell and back, she wouldn’t let Rowan ruin what little self worth she had left.

With a slow inhale, she turned on the faucet, getting her face wash ready to start her morning routine. She had shit to do today, she couldn’t get off schedule already.

Aelin washed her face quickly, and applied her toner, serums, moisturizer, and sunscreen, before brushing her hair and braiding it back. And without coffee, and without any sort of breakfast at all, she changed into her workout clothes, heading straight for the treadmill.

She’d sweat all her problems away. 

But before she could, her doorbell rang. Aelin paused mid motion, and stepped away from the treadmill, furrowing her brows as she walked toward the door. Hesitantly she opened it, but relaxed when she saw Aedion outside in the hallway.

“Hey,” she said, smoothing her hair back. “What are you doing here so early?”

It was only 6 am. 

“It was the only time I knew you’d be here,” her cousin said, his voice flat. Her smile faded. “You haven’t responded to my texts or anything, I didn’t know if you were dead or alive, I didn’t know if you-”

She cut him off with a hug, stopping him in his tracks. But he hugged her back, wrapping her up in his arms. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, tears coming to her eyes. A rebellious one slipped down her face as she squeezed her eyes shut, and she sniffed to try and hold the rest back.

“Hey,” Aedion said, pulling back a little bit. “What’s wrong?” 

Another tear slipped down her face, and she wiped it away, letting out a shaky laugh. “Where do you want me to start?” Aedion stepped inside the apartment, shutting the door, and she went to go sit down on the couch, hugging her knees. He sat down next to her.

“I think I need to go back to therapy,” she admitted quietly, not looking at him. But like she knew he wouldn’t, he didn’t laugh at her or make fun of her or even question the statement. He just supported her.

“Okay,” he said, and she looked over, seeing him nod. “The same place as last time? Dr. Towers?”

Aelin considered it for a second before saying yes. Dr. Towers was young for a therapist, which she liked when first going to see her all those years ago. She’d be a little older now obviously, but Aelin herself was older too. She’d always felt comfortable with her, and Dr. Towers had never been the reason Aelin stopped going. 

So, it’d be a good place to start.

“Do you want me to set up an appointment?” Aedion asked, and Aelin chuckled, looking at him through watery eyes.

“I’m an adult, Aedion,” she said, smiling, “I can make my own appointments.” He narrowed his eyes at her jokingly.

“I’m not so sure,” he said, and she rolled her eyes. 

“I’m not fifteen anymore,” she said.

“No,” he said, leaning over to ruffle her hair, “but you’ll always be my baby cousin.” She pushed him away, but was laughing as she did it, her heart warm. 

“I love you,” she said, leaning her head on his shoulder. His arm rested on her shoulders.

“Love you too, Ae,” he said, and after a minute, he said, “we’re getting drinks at The Stag again tonight, should we expect you?”

“No,” she said, nearly automatically, sitting up and shaking her head. “I can’t tonight, I’m busy.” But he must’ve seen something on her face because he didn’t buy the excuse this time.

“Is this about Rowan?” Aedion asked, and she looked at him, seeing understanding in his eyes. “I don’t know what happened between you two, but do I need to beat him up?”

She was tempted to say yes, but she only chuckled humorlessly and shook her head. “It’s not worth it,” she said. “Just another disappointment.” 

“Well,” her cousin said, “I’m here to talk if you ever need to.” 

“I know you are,” she said, smiling tightly, “and I appreciate it. I just need some time.” 

Time, and maybe a miracle.

------

Rowan was the biggest idiot to ever walk the earth. He’d known that the minute she walked out the door, and it only sunk in more as the sun went down and came back up again. 

He wished Aelin had let him explain, but he didn’t blame her for not. He should’ve spoken about it to her like a reasonable person instead of trying to decide which things she needed to know or not. 

After Aelin had left, he’d finally done what he should’ve done originally and told off Remelle for continuing to harass him, before blocking her number and her email. It didn’t fucking matter anyway, he’d decided that even if he didn’t get the job, he was going to quit anyway. 

He couldn’t stay there, not anymore. 

And though part of him longed to reach out to Aelin, to try and appeal to her, he thought it best to give her space for a little bit, knowing how she was feeling. Hovering would do absolutely nothing. 

But he couldn’t let her go forever. He couldn’t bear it. 

So what could he do to earn her forgiveness?

He huffed a sigh, rubbing his hand over his face. This was too fucking much. Rowan took a sip of his coffee, hoping that the caffeine would spark his inspiration. The sun was barely up, but he’d never even made it to sleep the night before.

But as he was reaching to take another sip, his phone rang. He paused, his heart racing as he set the cup back down, reaching for the device. 

It was the Institute.

He couldn’t breathe as he answered it, barely croaking out a “yes?”

“Mr. Whitethorn?” The voice on the other end spoke, and he said yes again. “Sorry for the early hour, but we’re thrilled to tell you that you’ve been selected for the position.” 

And instead of racing, his heart stopped completely. The HR rep on the phone started telling him more information about the job, and when he’d have to come in to do entry paperwork and the likes, but all Rowan could think about was Aelin, and how he wished he could share this with her.

And in that moment, he realized something so important, and yet so devastating he could hardly function. He loved her. But she was gone.

But it was then, as the news about the job finally sunk in, that an idea struck him. An idea that just might work.

------

Dr. Towers’ office looked exactly the same as it had eight years ago. And Aelin felt strangely young as she sat on the couch across from the woman, waiting to start their session. She’d managed to get a next day appointment, which she was grateful for, there was a lot she needed to talk about.

“May I ask you what brought you in today, Aelin?” Dr. Towers asked, smiling at her warmly. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you last.”

There were more pressing issues, Aelin knew. There was Arobynn, and the NDA, and the eating issue, the exercise issue, the self esteem issue, so much wrong with her. But the first thing that came to her mind was Rowan.

“How does one move on from someone they think they’re in love with, when they broke your heart and you still don’t understand why?” She asked, all in a rush, shocking the doctor. 

“Well,” Dr. Towers said, blinking, “it generally isn’t a very quick process, but closure tends to help.” She hummed a bit, and Aelin deflated. “You said you don’t understand why?” And Aelin shook her head. 

“No,” she said, “but he kept trying to explain, or that’s what he said. I didn’t want to hear excuses.” Dr. Towers nodded slowly.

“Now,” she said, gesturing with a hand, “I don’t know the exact situation, so you can feel free to disregard my advice. But maybe you could hear him out?” Aelin frowned. “And if you don’t like what he has to say, you have my permission to fully cut him out of your life. But if you’re willing, it couldn’t hurt to try, right?”

“I guess,” Aelin muttered, considering the idea. Rowan did seem really desperate to get his words out. But the text; she didn’t think she’d be able to forget how crushed she’d been in that moment. And from Remelle of all people. She barely knew the girl, but every time they’d interacted, it’d been an attempt to tear Aelin down. 

“Just think about it,” Dr. Towers said, before leaning back in her armchair. “Now, I know that’s not the only reason you’re here today, is it?” 

A heavy weight settled in Aelin’s stomach and she shook her head slowly. 

“There’s a lot going on,” she said quietly, fighting the urge to shut down and shut up. “A lot that I don’t know what to do about.” 

“I understand,” Dr. Towers said, smiling gently. “It takes a lot of strength to even make it to this step, Aelin. I want you to understand that.” Aelin glanced up at her. “You’ve already done the hard part, asking for help.” She relaxed slightly. “Now I’m just here to give it to you.” 

Aelin’s lips curled up slightly on the corners, a ghost of a smile on her face as a tiny sprig of hope grew in her heart. 

Maybe, just maybe, she’d be okay. Even without Rowan. 

But her heart still ached for him, and she knew the ache would last for a long time.

------

Aelin got the note a few hours after getting home from Dr. Towers’ office, finding it slipped under her door after returning from the bathroom. 

Meet me at the park at 7. Please. 

It wasn’t signed, but it was clear who it was from. She supposed Rowan had resorted to handwritten notes, given she’d blocked his number, and his work email address had conspicuously disappeared. A bit of joy went through her when she’d first discovered that, though she tried to temper it, but though he’d betrayed her, it wasn’t as easy as she’d hoped to get away from the feelings she had for him. 

Which was why, taking Dr. Towers’ advice, she decided to go to the park. 

It wasn’t an easy decision, and a large part of her brain told her to fuck him and stay at her apartment, but a smaller and infinitely more powerful part of her brain told her to go. To at least hear him out. She’d trusted him before, maybe she needed to trust him again.

Aelin threw on a light sundress, and tied her hair up with a clip, putting on a pair of sandals before she left her apartment, nerves racing through her. It wasn’t too long of a walk to get to the park, but every step felt like a mile as she both anticipated and feared this interaction.

It’d only been a few days since they’d last seen each other, but it felt like an eternity. She hated him, she missed him, she… loved him. She loved him. 

She’d hinted at it to her therapist, but it was only now she was admitting it to herself. Aelin Galathynius loved Rowan Whitethorn, and there was nothing she could do to change it.

When the trees first came into her sight, she slowed down, inhaling shakily as she considered if she really wanted to do this. But the answer was yes, it would always be yes, so she exhaled and kept going, not giving herself another moment to doubt. 

She came up on their tree pretty quickly, and stopped, looking around in amazement at what he’d done. He’d printed out every single photo he’d taken of her, both the ones from the photoshoot and others he’d taken various days after, when they were still blissfully happy. And he’d strung up lights too, setting the area aglow in the fading evening light. 

“Rowan,” she whispered, turning over her shoulder to find him standing there, a bouquet of kingsflame in his hands. 

“Aelin,” he said, just as gently, with so much emotion in his eyes.

“This is beautiful,” she had to admit, her voice tight. 

“I know you don’t like pictures of yourself,” he said, stepping closer. “I know it still brings you pain, but I wanted to show you that all of these pictures show the happiest moments of my life.” He took another step toward her, and her eyes filled with tears. “Every single one of these pictures show a time when I was at peace, when I was filled with joy, when I was content, because I was with you.” 

She sniffed, looking up to look at him in the eyes as he stepped closer. 

“I would never jeopardize that for anything,” his voice shuddered, his head shaking. “You’re the best thing to happen to me, and I would never throw that away.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Here. You can read all of the texts between me and Remelle. She was harassing me, even after the gala, and I couldn’t stop her, no matter how much I tried.” She looked at him, seeing how sincere his face was. “I was going to meet with her in person to finally try and convince her that nothing would ever happen, but I made a mistake in not telling you. I admit that. I would never be involved with someone like her. And I would never betray you like that.” His eyes were full of pain. “Please believe me.” 

She shook her head. “I don’t need your phone,” she said, her throat tight. He looked devastated for a second, so she added to her statement quickly, smiling gently. “Because I believe you.” 

It took a second to process, but then pure elation filled his face. 

“You do?” He asked, like he couldn’t believe it. And she nodded, lifting a hand to cup his cheek. 

“I do,” she repeated, warmth filling her as he leaned in to kiss her deeply, whispering against her lips -

“I love you.”

She pulled back, shocked, but he didn’t look like he regretted saying it, so she laughed, tears running down her face as she said it back. “I love you too.” 

He kissed her again, his hands sliding around her back. And then he was lifting her and spinning her, making her laugh. When he finally set her down, they rested their foreheads together, just breathing each other in.

“I’m starting therapy again,” she admitted, after a minute or two, and his handsome face curled into a soft smile. 

“I’m proud of you,” he said, his thumb caressing her lower back where his hands rested on her waist. Warmth spread through her at the simple words. Did he know how much they meant to her?

“And I’m not going to sign the NDA,” she said as well, “I don’t know what I’m going to do yet, but I’m not going to give in like that. I’m not going to silence myself.” She glanced up into his green eyes, still so close to hers. “I’m guessing you got the job?” She asked, her lips curling into a grin. “Your email disappeared.” 

“I did,” he admitted, his face lit up with joy, and she couldn’t help but kiss him again.

“I love you,” she said again, not able to stop herself. “And I’m so proud of you too.” 

Rowan kissed her forehead, before spinning her around and wrapping her in a hug from behind, pressing quick kisses on her neck. She hummed in satisfaction, hugging his arms. She didn’t think she’d ever been happier than she was in this moment. 

“We’re going to have to tell everyone,” she said, smiling at the thought. She craned her head to look up at him. “We’re going to be teased relentlessly.” Rowan just shrugged.

“I can deal with even Fenrys’ ridiculous comments,” he said, “as long as we’re together.” 

“How long will that be?” She asked teasingly, and he grinned.

“I was hoping forever,” he said, and her smile turned shy. 

“I think that can be arranged.”

“Yeah?” He asked, and she nodded. “Good. Because I have no plans on leaving anytime soon.” 

She chuckled. “Leave me? Or leave the park? Because I’m getting a little cold.”

“Smart ass,” he said, flicking her nose. She laughed again, cuddling back into him.

“Can we go back to your apartment though?” She asked, spinning around to face him. “I’m in the mood for some green beans. And something else,” she added slyly, fluttering her lashes. 

“You’re insatiable,” he teased, smiling, “but yes we can. We can go anywhere you’d like, as long as we’re together.” Together. It was such a simple word, but to her it meant everything. She was no longer alone, facing the shit storm of the world alone. She had him by her side, and that would always be enough.

<><><><><>

taglist:

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@poisonous00

#rowaelin month #rowaelinmonth #rowaelin #throne of glass fanfiction #rowaelin fanfiction #throne of glass #rowaelin au #throne of glass au #rowan x aelin

[dollsonmain]

Today I should rest and spend time with myself but there's too much to do.

I need to look for insurance some more, shower, catch up on chores, get ready to go get groceries/make the list....

Yesterday I remembered something.

So, I get up really early in the morning in the hopes of getting a little time to myself with the quiet.

On weekdays That Guy gets up at 4 and so do I. I make sure I'm up and out of bed, downstairs, drinking my coffee before he gets out of the shower so he doesn't come kneel down and try to stick his dick in my face every morning.

He leaves at 5.

Then, if I'm lucky, Son will stay in bed until 6 but he usually gets up at 5 because That Guy stomps and slams and insists on having a conversation or giving me a lecture first thing in the morning when I'm not even awake, yet.

This morning it was "Our son doesn't know some specific information which is not available to him and he's disrespecting me by not having this information that doesn't exist can you figure it out but don't tell him you're figuring it out behind his back because I want him to do it even though he can't." Again.

Son leaves at 7.

On the weekends I often wake up around 5 or 5:30 and try to sneak out of bed

Usually, Son is already awake and he gets up as soon as he hears me moving around in the house. He starts immediately with noise videos, noisy apps, transcribing music, etc. and he talks the whole time. Louder, and louder, and louder with the occasional "Dad's asleep, still, watch your volume [because I'd like him to stay that way]" from me.

Often That Guy is woken up by me getting out of bed and also gets up because he's suddenly Alone and that's unacceptable.

Yesterday, I was up and trying to work on something on the computer, Son got up and started in but I've gotten pretty good at both engaging with him and continuing to work, then That Guy got up and demanded my full attention constantly.

I snapped at him a bit saying I was busy and leave me alone, which I feel bad about, but if I'm sitting in front of a screen, typing, with multiple resource tabs open, actively researching and processing information, I don't need a play-by-play of every fart, the fact the house is cold like every winter, and what he's eating/drinking, and are you still working are you still working are you still working I want to play video games and you have to watch.

...

It reminded me of a time at my grandma's house when my aunt and I were still young. My aunt is 5 years younger than I am, so we are close in age.

Grandma put us to bed in her bed, which was a queen, and my aunt kept scooting over so she was basically on top of me. I told her to move and give me space, but she wouldn't.

I got up and went to the other side of the bed repeatedly in the night and every time she'd scoot over on top of me again.

Eventually I took a blanket into the living room to sleep on the couch, and she followed me there, too.

In the morning I complained to grandma and she said I was being mean and my aunt just wanted to cuddle and be close to me.

What I needed didn't matter.

-

That persists. It doesn't matter that I need time to myself. I'm expected [by That Guy] to pay attention to Son at all times and to pay attention to That Guy at all times.

The only time I get truly to myself is very early in the morning if I'm lucky enough the boys stay in bed, or for about an hour at night because I go to bed earlier than everyone else on purpose.

This is why I call Monday my recovery day, but I don't get Monday, either. Monday is groceries day.

Even if I try going down to the basement, That Guy starts stomping around overhead as hard as he can, just to remind me he's up here, he's Alone, I'm not doing what he wants me to do, and he's bored.

It doesn't matter how much I beg the people around to please, please just get off of me.

It's very frustrating.

-

Anyway, that's all part of why I'm so hard focused on the basement right now, I guess.

Desperately trying to regain control of literally anything, trying to find a quiet place where I can breathe, trying to feel human again.

[bitchinbarzal]

Lulu’s End Of Summer Party!

to celebrate me reaching 1.7k and hockey season starting soon I decided to do a prompt list party! this will run for one week sep 16 - 23.

all posts will be under #lulussummerparty

when requesting please send in the full prompt and not just the number. this makes it easier for me, the writer. if you don’t do this and just send the number your request will be deleted no questions asked.

you can find my list of who I write for here

1. "I love you."

2. "don't let go'

4. " can't lose you”

5. "how'd you find me?"

6. " got you, don't worry"

7. "I'll always wait for you"

8. " have to keep you safe"

9. "I knew you'd come for me"

10. "I'll take care of it, don't worry"

11. "just- just hold me for a second"

12. "I thought I'd never see you again"

13. "I know it hurts, we're almost done"

14. "you're the most important thing to me"

15. "I trust you more than anyone in the world"

16. "you don't understand, I will do anything to protect you"

17. "You're jealous aren't you?" "I'm not jealous."

18. "could just use a hug."

19. "I saw that. You just checked out my ass."

20. "You're everything to me."

21. " don't care what they think, to me, you are perfect."

22. "You're not going to lose me.'

23. "Hear my heartbeat? Just focus on that."

24. "How much of that did you hear?"

25. " could kiss you right now."

26. "Just pretend to be my date."

27. "I'm going to take care of you."

28. "Are you still awake.."

29. "Don't get up. I'll do it."

30. "I think I love you."

31. "Just one kiss?"

32. "You're adorable when you are sleepy."

33. "It's ok. I couldn't sleep anyway."

34. "Shhh, come back to bed."

35. "Wait! don't pull away... not yet."

36. "You always make me blush so much!"

37. "From the second I saw you, I couldn't get over how beautiful you are.

38. "No you can't get up. You are my prisoner for today."

39. "You own my heart."

40. "I said I would be there when you need it but-" "You weren't. That's the thing. You weren't."

41. "Please don't leave me."

42. "Letting go was the hardest thing I have ever had to do."

43. "I'm sorry, but I don't feel the same way."

44. "Why can't you love me back?"

45. "I can't forgive you."

46. "Leave."

47. "It's okay. I understand. You can leave. They all do."

48. "Don't. Don't do that. Don't make me choose. Every time I'll pick him. Every time. I can't have you hate me for that."

49. "I don't have a choice. I never had."

50. "Does it ever stop hurting?" "No, you just make room for it."

51. "We are not the same and never will be."

52. "You've never hurt me. Ever."

53. "I don't want your apology."

54. "You're not safe here."

55. " wish you were here."

56. " wasn't ready to say goodbye."

57. "Stop pushing everyone away."

58. "It's better this way."

59. "Don't make this harder than it already is."

60. "There's nothing you can do."

61. "It wasn't your fault."

62. "Don't leave."

63. "Say that again."

64. "I promised I would protect you. And I intend to keep that damn promise."

65. "You weren't supposed to laugh! I'm so embarrassed."

66. "No, don't cry. I hate it when you cry."

67. "You're burning up."

68. "Hold my hand. You are going to be fine."

69. "You need to eat something."

70. "Why didn't you tell me?"

71. "Don't touch me!"

72. "You think I am dumb enough to fall for that stupid move?"

73. "Do you trust me?"

74. "Be more careful next time. I don't want to bandage you up again."

75. "I'll never let you go."

76. "Hands off."

77. "It was you the whole time."

78. "I feel like I can't breathe."

79. "Prove it."

80. "I might never get another chance to say this."

81. "You make me want things I can't have."

82. "Tell me I'm wrong."

83. "You did what!?"

84. "We'd make such a cute couple."

85. "Don't ask me that."

86. "You're not my favorite person today."

87. "you didn't just break my heart, you broke my trust.

88. "i don't have the energy to fight you anymore."

89. "I'm not ready to live without you."

90. "you can't be bitter now, this was your decision."

91. "I lost myself the day i lost you."

92. "please don't make me go, I want to stay."

93. "you said you'd follow me anywhere" - "you know I can't follow you there."

94. "you're the only mistake i don't regret, but that doesn't mean it wasn't a mistake."

95. "you didn't deserve me."

[femmesandhoney]

developmentally, the normal wake-up time for a human being shifts earlier and earlier the more she ages. 7 am is a normal wake up time for someone in their 30's but may indicate poor sleep / lack of REM sleep for someone in their teens to early twenties. Waking up early is often associated with productivity / puritan work ethics but really can indicate poor sleep and poor health. If you're getting less than 8 hours of sleep, unable to recall dreams, struggle with morning headaches, or snore / have sleep apnea, waking up so early might be a sign to focus on sleeping in and choosing rest.

yeah i'm aware of all of this already, but you're also missing the fact it's not wholly wake up times but the amount of sleep one needs decreases, and that this is still a personal thing and doesn't mean anything about their quality of sleep. it's wrong to diagnose people who have good sleep schedules as getting poor sleep because they wake up early lmao my god. obviously if you have associated symptoms, sure. you could literally argue this about anyone though if you want to. i think many night owls are just battling depressive habits and tendencies because they don't sleep enough at regular times and stay awake throughout the night and ruin their sleep schedules for it, making them mentally fatigued and all the associated symptoms. no one has really ever looked at a twenty year old waking up at 7am feeling fine and gone wow is anyone gonna help her??

[floxbuddy]

Chapter 1 of my NoCo fanfic, I’ll post it here although it’s also on wattpad : )

1. Midnight

I stopped being able to hear the sound of trees rustling. I flinched, realizing that I had not noticed myself submerged in water. I opened my eyes, half-lidded, glaring into the foggy moonlight. It all stopped, all noise, besides the faint echo of the night seeming to fade away quite quickly.

With the echo fading away, so was my breath.

However, it was nothing. Everything is nothing, as opposed to what I used to believe; I know what is better now. I felt my clothes flutter as the water took me in, deeper I went, the less it mattered. There was so use in trying to fight the suffocation if there was no breath to begin with. succumbing to the gravity against my weight, I closed my eyes.

    —

    Shooting awake, I gasped in a cold sweat. My throat was killing me, I must've woken up due to dehydration. Unfortunately, going back to sleep wasn't an option, for my head was pounding and I felt like I was about to vomit. I stepped out of my room, tip-toeing down the hallway as to not wake anyone up, before grabbing a cup of water and heading toward the sink.

    As I proceeded to fill the cup with water, I looked into the reflection to see myself with huge dark circles. I wonder how late it must've been, anyway. It's not like this is the first time something like this has happened, but I'm usually not up this early unless I'm sick. Fuck, maybe I am sick. Oh well. No sickness is getting in the way of the plans I have today. Making my way back, my room was waiting for me as I laid back into my sweaty bed, with the vent ringing being prominent as ever. I couldn't stop sweating, but it was fine, because I should be fine by the time I wake up.

    I forgot to go back to sleep. I rotted all night. Oh, and that dream, I remember it clearly now.

—

    Hearing the sound of my mom leaving her room to make coffee, I assume, I took it as an opportunity to ditch my bed and get ready for school. I may feel like a zombie, but staying here any longer isn't doing me good. My morning routine was nothing memorable, as it was about 7:30 AM by now, and I grabbed my backpack to head to the car for school.

Stepping into the car, I made funny faces at my baby brother. It was nice to see him after such a long morning spent doing absolutely nothing. Other than the sound of our laughs, the car was utterly quiet. It stayed that way until I was dropped off at the front of campus. Feeling too unmotivated to speak, I gestured a light wave to my parents before they drove off.

I wonder if my parents even care about me. Like, yeah, I know they love me, but I bet they didn't bother to glance at my sick face. I should hurt myself, to see if they would notice. wait, no, thats a horrible thing to say, scratch that.

I opened my phone to see a text from Izzy, one of my closest friends ever since the 'Total Drama' thing. I've kept up with some friends since then, more than I've ever had, really. Izzy, Eva, Owen, and Cody. I really don't talk to Cody much, but I'd feel bad for not considering him a friend. Izzy and Eva are just about the most insane couple I've ever met, but I enjoy the chaos, as much as I'd never admit it. Owen is sweet, and thats really all I can say about him. He is always there for me when things go to shit.

As I was about to open Izzy's text, I flinched at the sudden feeling of someone coming up from behind me and shoving me.

"Aye, Noah!" Said a familiar voice, Cody. I ought to be used to the way he greets me by now, but this particular morning, I was on edge.

"Fuck, man! Stop doing that," I yelled a bit too harshly, darting my eyes the opposite direction, finding myself already losing stability at first interaction. At least it was Cody of all people, I'm sure he would understand.

"Sorry, sorry. Anything on your mind?" He paused, "Sheeesh, you look real tired." Leaning closer to examine my face, it was starting to piss me off; I turned back to him sharply in hopes of him deciding to keep his eyes to himself, but he couldn't take a hint.

"What's on my mind is that you're invading my personal space. Back off." I said in my usual, monotone voice. He finally decided to look away as we walked inside, but not for long.

"... Okay, so I feel like you're not gonna believe this, but just look at my scars real quick." He said as he pulled me to his attention, pointing at the three prominent scratch marks stretching from his left cheek to his neck. He hasn't stopped talking about them and how it helps him pull girls, but I don't see it... literally. This man is no magnet.

    "They've changed a lot this week! You know what that means,"

    "Yay! You're delusional." I said with enthusiasm.

    "Nuh uh. It obviously means good luck, and I know that someone will ask me out soon!" He happily exclaimed, which wasn't anything new. If there's anything I know about Cody, it's that he's never not begging for a love life. I gave him a skeptical look, but I couldn't care enough to burst his bubble; I shrugged it off.

    "Good luck with that, Cody."

    Making our way into the cafeteria, I saw Izzy and Eva, to which I realized that cody prevented me from checking Izzy's text in the first place. It's fine, she was probably just letting me know that they were in the cafeteria anyway. I waved to them as they noticed Cody and I, and Izzy began running our direction, while Eva stood.

    "Cody! Noah! I'm so glad you both hurried over here — Noah, you read my text, right?" Izzy said, practically jumping up and down with excitement. To my confusion, she usually isn't this jumpy in the morning.

    "No. All thanks to someone nearly tackling me to the ground, I got distracted," I stared back at Cody, with half-lidded eyes. We began walking back to Eva so we could find a seat in a place that, hopefully, wasn't incredibly crowded.

    "Oh, whatever, I said sorry!" He taunted back, with a pouty expression.

    "Learn to take a kind gesture every now and then, Silly!" Izzy said before throwing a punch at my arm. It really fucking hurt.

    "Ow, how the fuck is that a kind gesture!?" I yelled. Izzy and Cody started laughing, to no surprise. My suffering is a melody to their ears, I presume.

    "Come on, do it back!" Cody happily said, before I elbowed him in the stomach.

    "That's what you get for shoving me this morning," I then threw a weak punch back at Izzy, "And stop punching me!"

    "Ow, Haha — Whatever, Noah!" Cody laughed off, whilst clenching his stomach. I could tell he was in pain but didn't want to admit it. Theres a little confidence boost for me, I guess. However, Izzy was completely unbothered, looking at me with a taunting face.

    "That's all you got, wimp?" She said, trying to lure me into punching her again, but I'm better than that. And unfortunately, that punch was a genuine one — I'm awfully weak, especially this morning. "Come on, fight me!"

    "No, absolutely not!" I yelled at her, as we found ourselves meeting with Eva. I looked at her desperately, with a 'You're her girlfriend, do something' face. She studied my face for a split second, noticing my dark circles and then turning to Izzy.

    "Izzy, calm down a second. How about you tell them your surprise?" She said, pulling Izzy away from me. Such a small gesture just did a number for me, I'll thank her when I can. Izzy's excited attitude is not something I want to face this morning.

    "Oh, oh, oh! I want to wait until Owen gets here," She said, to which I realized that Izzy must've texted me in relation to said 'surprise'. I turned to Cody, and we met eye contact with a confused look on our faces. I reached into my pocket and read the text Izzy sent to me. I was right, the text read along the lines of 'Noah! Hurry up, I need to tell everybody something'.

    "Did you get a text from Izzy?" I asked Cody.

    "Uhhh, hm— Let me check," Checking his pockets for his phone, he frantically took his backpack off and searched there too; after he found it, he replied, "Yeah, but I didn't read it up until now."

    "I wonder what she's waiting to tell us," I said curiously, glancing a bit more at the text. Before Cody and I knew, Izzy and Eva were already off to find Owen. Feeling lazy, I decided to head the other direction to find a place to sit.

    "Noah, where are you going?" He said, following me.

    "I'm finding a place to sit until they come back with Owen." I said. It wasn't long until I found a good empty table in the corner of the cafeteria, Eva and Izzy must've been sitting there before we got here. Cody and I sat next to each other, as I scrolled on instagram for a bit. Although most of the content was old news, due to just how much time I tried to waste this morning scrolling, I needed something to occupy myself until the others returned.

        "Watcha doing?" Cody said, leaning closer to my phone.

    "What does it look like im doing?" I scoffed. It was obvious, was it not? nonetheless, Cody's kind of stupid.

    "I'm just curious," He said, moving back towards the wall, "My morning was so boring. I'm like, dying for conversation, y'know?"

     "Well you're in luck then, because they'll be back soon." I said, glancing back at my phone.

    "They'll take forever, cause Owen's always late. I just really want to talk," He paused, noticing my unamused face, then beginning again, "Look, I know that I sound crazy right now but that's because I was just diagnosed with ADHD last week. Isn't that weird? So really, I might just bounce off the walls if im not occupied!" He rambled. As much as I appreciate Cody as a friend, I literally couldn't care less.

    "That explains a lot," I said lightheartedly. I continued to scroll on my phone. Cody continued rambling, but I pretty much muffled it out whilst finding myself zoning out the more I scrolled. I'm pretty sure he thought I was listening thanks to my occasional nod and an 'Ohh' every now and then. I wasn't finding much amusement on my phone, but it was better than paying attention to Cody's annoying rant.

    "And so I went— Oh, Noah, They're here!" Cody said, which broke me out of my cycle. He pointed over at the three walking towards us: Izzy, Eva, and Owen. It took them long enough.

    "What took you guys so long?" I said, annoyed.

    "I told you that Owen is always late," Cody interjected.

    "Whatever," I said, "You guys found a good table."

    The couple looked at me, confused, then Izzy replied, "Oh, we were sitting in a completely different spot. I guess the people who were sitting here ended up leaving. So really, you found the table!"

    "Oh," I muttered. Everyone took a seat, and Owen was kind enough to bring breakfast sandwiches for the five of us. We talked for a bit, before Izzy stood up and slammed her hands on the table.

    "Guess what, guys!"

    "Come on, tell them!" Eva said, handing Izzy her phone. Izzy quickly snatched it, and fidgeted the screen until she flipped her phone to us to reveal an image of some white domesticated rat.

    "Look!"

    Owen gasped, while Cody and I stood confused. "Woah, another one?! Oh my god, now your other rat wont be alone!"

    "Uh-Huh! Cody, Noah, I have another pet rat now! Her name is Molly, isn't she cute?" She said, as she practically shoved the phone in our faces. I couldn't lie, it was a cute rat, but I hate rodents.

    Cody gasped in excitement, and replied, "We should all come over to meet him!"

    "Uhm, Molly is a girl. And I was planning on just bringing her to school, but that works too," She said, putting her phone away and sitting back down.

    I quickly turned and said, "Whatever you guys are planning, I'm not going." At least, whatever they were going to drag me into, it wasn't going to be today.

    "Aw, come on Noah, not even this weekend? I'm sure we are all free on the weekend," Cody said, giving me a similar pouty face to the one before. He's really good at being convincing, with those giant blue eyes of his. It's freaky. I'd never say that to his face, though.

    "Sounds like a waste of time to me. I hate rodents and you guys know that," I said. "I hate your other rat too."

    "But you like us, right? I have no plans on the weekend, do you, Eva?" Izzy asked, to which Eva shook her head. "Do you, Owen?" Owen shook his head as well. "You don't have to go near the rats, Noah! If you don't want to go, that's okay, but I'm sure we have a plan now, right guys? How about Saturday?"

    "Sounds good to me!" Cody said, as the rest nodded. Focusing their gaze on me, I could tell that they were awaiting a response.

    "I'll think about it," I said, giving in. I really don't have any plans for the weekend, and it's been a while since I've gone to Izzys. I miss company on days when there's nothing to do.

    "Well then, it's settled. See you guys at lunch," Eva said as she and Izzy got up to walk to class. Soon enough, we were all on our way.

    The day continued like every other day, like every other week. Except for the fact that I was exhausted, I guess. I couldn't help but think about the dream I had all day. I got home and washed my bedsheets, then locked my bedroom door and stood there, alone.

    Something has to change eventually. But I don't see it coming any time soon.

    My life is a steady imbalance. It always feels like something is wrong, but I can't pinpoint it. I never can. It's that feeling which drives me to keep that steadiness, in hopes that, maybe, if I dig deep enough, dig into those parts of my brain that make my stomach twist; I will find that 'something'. I don't really seem to care if I'm continuously breaking myself apart each day by following the same instructions as yesterday and yesteryear. I feel like I need to find myself, by any means.

    I wish I could be admired by somebody. To feel worth someone's time.

    I know I'm only 17, but, I don't think I will ever find that 'somebody', which is why I'm in search of a 'something'. Maybe I can find the reason behind my life if I just dig into myself deep enough.

#td noco #total drama #fanfiction #bouncing off the walls

[alillilium]

Why I can't let go of Love Between Fairy and Devil

For context me and my friend started this drama in a sense as a joke and ironically, it seemed fun, with good visuals, that was our thought process, we also discovered it's easier for us for start a drama together cause it motivates us to watch it. We were wacthing a few episodes together and then commented on the others that we watched separately.

I blame anxiety for making it hard to start TV shows, in my case I need to know what's going to happen so I wlll naturally spoil myself before starting anything, my friend is the opposite she hates spoilers. Yes, I already knew a few climatic moments that were bound to happen.

The first few episodes, it started like any drama, characters, pace, setting, and okay story till we get to episode 7/8 then I became obsessed. My job made it harder to binge it cause I was tired all the time but when I did watch, binged it and now I'm in withdrawl

Everything is amazing, if perfection exists it is this drama, from the intro animation and song (I tend to skip intros except this), the visuals otherworldly, the costumes perfection - they did an incredible job, creating distinctive cultures and nunces betwwen the fairies, the moon tribe and the mortal world, to make each unique - the love story starts a bit enemies to lovers, slow-burn with the perfect pace to it, you know they are starting to love each other just by looks alone, before any of them say anything, their actions speak, the main characters complement each other from the beginning - they start slightly one-dimensional but always complete each other from the start, the side characters are also well written and given great care - except the Emperor... he can die, I wanted to punch the screen everytime he was in it.

While I knew the part where Xiao La Hua sacrifices herself for every one, the spoilers did not prepare me for the amount ot pain I would feel when it happened, I was not prepared for the episodes 30 - 36 the pain, the crying... the feelings. The last episodes where she pretends to not remember him so that she can die, then she does the smile gesture and he knows that she knows and that broke me even more. I also believe that the key for the Goddess to awake her powers was never the wedding with Changheng but to kiss her true love Dongfang Quingcang... Prove me wrong... The parallels throught the story, visual clues.

Someone stop me please, I am not coherent enough anymore ( I never was), I want to experience it again... I just can't get over it... It may as well have dethroned Scarlet Heart: Ryeo from the top of my list... I don't even make sense anymore...

See you in a another post.

#love between fairy and devil #wang hedi #esther yu #dylan wang #yu shuxin #cang lan jue #can't let go #xiao lan hua #dongfang qingcang #pain everywhere #it still haunts me

[depressedstressedlemonzest]

Tag Game Tuesday

Oh @celestialmickey thank you for another game!!!

I was tagged by @energievie @stocious @lupeloto @sirrudo @golden28s @guinguin1984 and @scurvgirl for the tag game!

name: Lem

whereabouts in the world are you?: USA, in the middle

do you have any pets?: smoosh face baby bean Nala, and Fluff face meow face Midnight

what do you do for work?: I'm a nurse in a bougie old folks home.

favorite fruit?: red apples and lil clementines

a pet peeve of yours: getting interrupted when I'm trying to say something before I forget what my point is.

are you a fast walker or a slow walker?: In the middle I think. I'm not in a hurry.

how do you usually wear your hair?: ponytail then clipped up. My hair is super thick and curly and it's so fucking hot here. Plus it gets really frizzy easily so it's easier to deal with just pulled up.

sunny days or rainy days?: Rainy unless I’m driving in it

what time do you usually go to bed?: between 9:15-10 is when I go lay down. I probably stay awake a good half hour before falling asleep.

what time do you usually wake up?: 4:30 am on days I work, 7:30 on my off days. I am NOT a morning person.

if you were a cartoon character, what would be your everyday outfit?: Jeans & a sarcastic T-shirt w/ boots

something you’d like to learn: bookbinding

and finally, tell me something that made you happy recently: new eddie munson merch dropped and I ordered that shit up right away.

Though I already have so many I don't have THIS one.

I'll taaaag

@ian-galagher @witchboywitchboywitchboy @deedala @xninetiestrendx and @bethanysnow

[marshmallow--3]

I had a dream this morning that was a mix-up of a lot of things I've been seeing lately

So there's been a lot of Shameless US clips appearing on my FB feed, and I'm confused watching em cause I'm like, I swear there's more kids in the family than there is in the original Shameless (UK version)

So in the dream, I was living in a building opposite a block of flats, and the curtains didn't shut all the way, so I woke up and there was a guy across the street watching me sleep from his window

And I was like ???? fucking creep! So he scarpered and I got settled under my blanket and tried to go back to sleep

But then I heard a kid laughing and running around, and I sighed, "Liam," which is the name of the youngest kid in Shameless (again, UK version), and I checked the time, it was 5:30 AM

And it was one of those dreams where you already know things, you don't learn the details as you go, but it just makes an appearance as something that feels normal, so for this, instead of us being a family, we were kids in a care home, so not everyone was related (relevant for later)

So I found Liam, he was climbing into a bunk bed of some kids aged 6-7, and they were already awake too, so they were cuddling him, pulled back their covers so he could climb into bed with them and they were having a good cuddle

And so there were no adults around at that point, they kinda expected the older kids to watch the younger kids, free labour and all, so I was sat with them, making sure nobody got hurt running around or climbing things

And we got speaking about a new flavour of Fruit Shoot that had come out, pineapple & apple, one of the girls cuddling Liam said she'd seen a classmate drink it and she really wanted to try it, thing is that living in a care home, we have no income, we don't have a way to buy luxury items that we wanna try, we just have to eat or drink what we're given

So I let her talk about this amazing drink for a bit, like George lets Lenny go on about the farm in Of Mice and Men, just letting them enjoy living out the fantasy in their mind because it's the only way they'll get to experience it

And then Liam climbed out of the bed and took off running again, so I was chasing him, trying to stop him from waking all the other kids up

And he was giggling and throwing cushions and pillows everywhere so I had to stop to clean them up in case anybody got hurt

And by this point, I'm right by a set of bunk beds where the Lads ™️ sleep, they're a mixture of sorts, but the main thing they have in common is that they're tough, bad boys

And I have a crush on one of em, Rydal Keener from The Two Faces of January, (this is where it's relevant that we're not related)

And I'm just trying to hold my own in conversation with them, trying not to make an idiot of myself in front of him, and eventually I move past them, round a corner and let out the most schoolgirl giggle you could possibly imagine

Oh and then I went to the shops and tried to steal some of that drink that the little girl was mentioning but ended up selling my soul to the Devil and from that point onwards, I could only dream about the Devil torturing people and turning them into pork chops

And then I woke up irl and got a shower

Pretty much a summary of the way he acted in my dream

#my dream #my dreams #quirky dream #quirky dreams #shameless #shameless uk #the two faces of january #rydal keener #oscar isaac

[themurderofcrowscollective]

Some more HCs cause I feel like a caretaker feeding you feral little shits, and I'm oddly enjoying it while wondering where all of you keep coming from. - Hands down, Jason listens to Will Wood. Especially when he's going through it mentally and emotionally, so the best course of action to take is just sing along with him if he's singing or sit next to him while he's listening to it and sitting on the floor of his bedroom or his private bathroom. His favorite song has to be 'Marsha, Thankk You for the Dialectics, but I Need You to Leave.' (which is also my own favorite song) - If there's one person in the Wayne family who has a lot of squishmallows and is widely known to go buy more, that'd be a tie between Tim, Dick, Damian, Duke and Steph. Squishmallows are fucking comfortable. - You know it's been a fun night if you wake up at 3 AM and the first thing you hear is the muffled and quiet arguments about what food to get accompanied with the sound of things being moved around in the fridge. The batboys and Batman always have an improvised victory feast if the stakeout went great. - Nine times out of ten, after a long night of patrol and kicking crime's ass, everyone does not change out of their outfits and sleep for nearly a day. Alfred calls these days 'Lazy Bats Day'. - If there's one thing that is very precious to the Wayne Family, it's sleep. Sure, Tim pulls a lot of all-nighters but he's not the only one who's had his fair share of all-nighters spent fighting crime or investigating on a crime scene. - There's an ongoing competition on who snores the loudest. No one knows who's won yet, but so far it's Tim that snores the loudest. - Speaking of times where the Batfamily has stayed up for days, I am proud to present to you, the best times of the sleep-deprived Wayne Family: 1. Dick fumbling with his words and eventually laughing himself to death because he can barely make a sentence without giggling like a madman. There's been quite a few times he was incoherent on his reports during patrols that has rendered Batman speechless, trying to understand his son's blabbering.

2. Jason becoming more chaotic and using his sleep-deprivation as fuel to keep going or else he's gonna crash harder. You can see him walking around the Wayne Manor singing a song at the top of his lungs while slapping himself in the face to keep himself awake if he has to. He also becomes more talkative. 3. We all know Tim goes zombie mode, but after a month of all-nighters, he's like a cryptid that the Wayne kids have made an urban legend about. 4. Damian while he's sleep-deprived becomes more childish, and he acts like a kid his age, which is cute and funny at the same time because he'll laugh at anything you tell him. Put him and Dick in one room and you'll hear them dying of laughter within 30 minutes, and if you check on them, they'll be on the floor with tears in their eyes. 5. Duke tries to get enough sleep, but he will ultimately fail and so he becomes veeeery distant and lost in his own world. He has a very short attention span. 6. Cassandra is more hyper-focused and a bit paranoid, being more squirrely and fast to react while she hasn't been able to sleep. It's even harder to get her to sleep because she'll think you're out to hurt her. 7. Steph is the same as Tim, first a zombie then immediately a cryptid who will attack you if you look her in the eyes. 8. Bruce with 0 sleep is odd. Just straight up odd. You can find him staring at the wall for an hour before writing down something that sounds like a good idea, when really it's just something that already exists. Sometimes though, he's just not ever to be seen. But only sometimes, during the darkest of nights, can you see the grown man eating out of the fridge. Alfred gets the healthy amount of sleep and always has been, but he's the one who takes pictures and keeps tabs of everyone (especially the cryptid duo) while making a documentary on the cryptid duo.

#i wrote this while really fucking high #batkids #batman #batfamily #batfam headcanons #batfamily headcanons #batfam