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kentopedia · 6 months

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RYLIE OMG you’re nanamis classmate and you guys are just like friends or whatever and then he leaves right??? but you stay because jujutsu is all you have. but you guys stay “friends” but hardly ever see each other. then he becomes a sorcerer again yippee!! and you guys are seeing each other a lot more.

he has feelings for you but things you have a thing for gojo so he doesn’t go for it. tension ensues.

anyways!!! i hope your thursday was great rylie!! xxxx

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ AND I AM DONE, DEAR — nanami kento

contents. angst (we’re going back to my roots!), maybe unrequited love, fem!reader, 800ish words

notes. this is so painful bc he wouldn't go for it either :( and then satoru pursues you because you've gotten close over the past couple of years, and kento's been gone </3 there are years worth of memories and jokes between the two of you, and kento spent those years miserable & alone. sometimes, he wonders what would've happened if he'd just had the strength to remain a sorcerer, instead of running from everything he hated

"kento," you snap him out of his stream of endless memories, the ones that always seem to gnaw at him when he was around you.

he glances up, and a culmination of flashbacks spin before his eyes.

he sees you at fourteen, a first year student who was still so scared of her technique.

he sees you at sixteen, smiling from ear to ear at another one of gojo and geto's ridiculous antics.

he sees you at seventeen, sobbing over the corpse that had once belonged to the kindest student in your year.

he sees you at eighteen, your empty, hollow expression when he told you he was leaving, and he wasn't coming back.

"yes?" kento asks, forcing the memories away, because you're there in front of him, more beautiful than he remembers... and though you aren't a stranger in his life anymore, his mind still doesn't do justice to the depth of your angelic features.

"is everything okay?" you ask, blinking up at him with concern. your voice turns into something gentle when you're around him, almost like he's something fragile. the kindness in your heart is endless, extending, even, to the man that once broke it.

kento clears his throat, wondering how much emotion he'd let filter onto his expression. he'd gotten worse at hiding it ever since you'd stumbled back into his life, the woman he hadn't realized he'd loved until it was too late.

"yes," he repeats, flat, calm. though he can't muster a smile, he raises an eyebrow, crossing his arms. "why do you ask?"

for a moment, you chew your lip, thoughtful. kento wants to kiss you. he wonders what you'd say if you knew.

"you've just been..." you shake your head, rubbing your arm awkwardly. "ever since..." the sentences are broken, uncomfortable, and though you'd once been best friends, there is a sense of professionalism between you now. a wall that he doesn't think he can break down anymore.

kento parts his lips, considers interrupting, but someone beats him to it. gojo satoru, the constant pain in kento's ass, saunters into the room with a sparkly white grin, gleefulness bounding off of him in a way that's obnoxious.

"there you are! megumi told me i might find you here," satoru says, and he's to you in just three long strides, attaching to you like a magnet. "ready, baby?"

gojo kisses the top of your head, throws an arm over your shoulder and smiles at kento, like he knows what's running through his mind.

you're still studying kento, and he pretends not to notice you scrutinizing him, the way your lips are flushed from chewing on them. "yeah," you say to satoru, squeezing his hand, the sparkly bracelet with gojo's initials dangling from two charms shimmering.

a subtle reminder that kento may have loved you longer, but you'll never really be his.

you start to walk out the door, and kento watches with what he hopes appears as impassivity, his lips drawn into a thin line. though, just as satoru is beginning to pull you across the threshold, you meet kento's dark brown eyes, the ones that turn so tender the moment they land on you.

"kento?" you ask once more

his name sounds so sweet on your lips, but he wishes he didn't want to know what it sounded like on the edge of a moan.

"ijichi is waiting." kento doesn't let you ask whatever you were thinking of asking, because being pinned by your beautiful, caring eyes is almost too much for him to bear.

you blink, surprised by his harshness as you curl into satoru, almost imperceptibly. "right. have a good evening, then. see you tomorrow."

kento nods, pushing his glasses back onto his face. his heart cracks a bit at the emotion tinged in your words, and though his severity has never hurt you before, he's beginning to wonder if it's hurting you now.

"bye, nanamin!" satoru waves cheerfully, and the two of you are gone, leaving nanami in the room alone, the silence almost deafeaning.

he's used to it by now: the solitude of his life. he's used to being strong when he's needed, and even when he's not. everyone sees him that way: the man who's steadfast, unwavering, a little too serious for his own good.

if only they knew he was a weak man when it came to you.

#I CANT BELIEVE YOU'D DO THIS EM !!!!#I HAVE ANOTHER NANAMI ANGST FIC THAT IM WORKING ON BUT STILL RAHHH #xoxo . . . emma #nanami kento #jjk x reader #jjk x you #nanami jjk #nanami x reader #nanami kento x you #nanami kento x reader #nanami kento angst #nanami x fem!reader #nanami x you #kento nanami x reader #kento nanami x you #nanami imagine #nanami angst #xoxo rylie 💌 ୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

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iridescentscarecrow · 3 months

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ok. chainsaw man chapter 155 tatsuki fujimoto rips my heart out of my chest edition.

makima’s search for intimacy in p1 mirrors denji’s. this search is their shared dream, a dream which is negotiated by their respective ideals: the girlfriend that denji wishes for, the Chainsaw Man makima “sought.”

both these ideals for them signifies in essence a deviation from the lives they both lead (first image set: carted to and fro from their meetings with the yakuza/the higher ups, the ones they’re enslaved to) in both a luxury and love denji never allows himself, a freedom and a chaotic that’s anthitetical to makima’s own performance of order.

and this for fujimoto is something that permeates all his text, this subversion of what is signified by connection, by family and intimacy, ultimately dragging you into the same cycle, chaining you to it. it’s agni & luna in fire punch: their love for each other being what makes them carve up their bodies, extending to togata (also existing in idealisation) who frames and directs the Story (the structure) in an effort to feel intimacy.

and here too: denji’s idea of partnership creates Versions of makima for him: her girlishness, her, presented. and makima’s vision of Chainsaw Man informs denji’s own reality.

this Chainsaw Man runs over into part 2 as does makima. and nayuta, concentrated in how she reforms makima, is specifically family. the very family makima concocted for denji as vessels for happiness.

family and happiness, context based connection are what immerses you in structure. unbalancing this utterly iconizes you. the icon makima hoped to create with this rupture was the Chainsaw Man. she tells him that he is incapable of normality because he killed his family, and in this chapter he tells himself that – she aims to author this rupture with her concoction of family but she herself is so intertwined in it. nayuta’s Makima in part 2 is this very intimacy, this family. the thing makima too craves.

and do you see here? the cycle? the way this worth in connection is what makes nayuta sacrifice herself for denji? togata sacrifice himself for agni? aki sacrifice himself for the hayakawa family as people cheer on the chainsaw man? the way in the end the rupture is self inflicted, the icon is self formed, and the protagonist is left forming context out of nothing? how so many of fujimoto’s relationships build upon idealisation of the other?

do you see here? the way they’ve all made dogs out of each other? denji holding pochita close, denji the dog. makima the dog, and the pets she dotes upon. nayuta and denji, walking the dogs together: they’re the culmination of the two’s part one relationship, the fulfillment of all their wishes in each other, and yet, yet

yet barem. the Dead Wife barem. building a mockery, a reproduction of makima’s self onto himself, tearing away homes, contexts to force them all back into this cycle. i said he didn’t understand the intimacy she wanted when i called him the Dead Wife to makima’s performance of Woman. the Woman, forever iconicised, obsessed over, suspected, subjugated…

the question: “who am i?” answered through context (family, connection) not identity intrinsic to oneself. dreams as dreamt through each other, “make my dreams come true for me!” denji tells pochita next to wanting him to live a normal life in his body. makima in the end, wanting to eat together, live together with the CSM, smoking a cigarette (uncharacteristic) in the graveyard.

all of part 2 then, cast over by this shadow. asa, navigating both solitude and connection through war. parasocial relationships. yuko becoming Justice for asa. the theatre scene, aspiration on screen viewed alongside the response of the person next to you. and asa in the orphanage, told that she can’t have a family, that she must exist decontextualised – and now structure, hunger, reproduction doing just that, part 2's deconstruction to part 1's construction, ripping it all away, backing you into this cycle.

#chainsaw man #csm 155 #crow.txt #csm meta #send help #denji #makima #addition in the rbs #nayuta

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furiousgoldfish · 4 months

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I finally caved in and started using pain medicine to deal with the pain. This was a very hard thing for me to do, because for the most of my life, I believed that I both didn't deserve any medicine, and that it was bad for me.

Thinking back, my family used a lot of medicine daily, but when I was sick, I was told to 'work through it' or that my immune system had to be strong enough to take it. I wasn't even taken to the doctor unless there was a culmination of multiple issues at once. Even when taken to the doctor, I've been told over and over what a burden I was, how much of their time I was wasting, and how I got sick on purpose.

I became convinced that if I wanted to be healthy, I would bear any sickness without the help of doctors or medicine. This conviction became so strong that if I was forced to take any medicine, I would have a volatile reaction, start having a complete breakdown or immediately get sicker. I started believing that my body is resistant to medicine and breaks down if any is introduced. It was more likely that I was hanging onto my belief that I had to be 'strong enough to survive anything without medicine' so much, that if this got violated, I would psychologically break down and believe myself weak and broken permanently.

As an adult, I would take medicine only when pain was such high level it was unbearable and pushing me into suicidal thoughts. And lately, I've been having lots of that, pain so severe it would paralyze me completely, I wouldn't be able to speak or think, I would even end up making noises, which, I was trained not to do, even when tortured. There was an instance where I was in so much pain I couldn't control my hands enough to take medicine, and found myself having to ask someone else to give it to me - which was horrifying to me. And I finally realized, I can't wait that long. I have to take the medicine before it gets to such extreme levels.

So, I am slowly letting go of my ideas that medicine will make me weak or mess with my immune system. I'm looking up what medicine does to the body and for the first time, seeing realistically what the risks are, what is happening inside of me if I take any, what are the possible side-effects, what will it truly do to my immune system. The entire process is extremely scary, because I built so much of my identity on that perceived toughness and 'medicine is bad' mindset. Just casually learning that I've been wrong about everything for all of my life is a lot to swallow. But I can't live like this anymore. I can't stand any more of the pain. Even if medicine will give me some mild side effects, or is a bit tough on my stomach, taking it responsibly will not give me any permanent damage. It will keep me alive through the pain and make it survivable. I can't live in an amount of pain that is making me suicidal.

#tw mention of suicidal thoughts #tw suicidal thoughts #thoughts of medicine #child abuse and medicine #deconstructing fake ideas about medicine #learning facts where there was only fearmongering #abusive family #child abuse #medical neglect

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bettyshoweduptotheparty · 6 months

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You're Losing Me Analysis

Ok, you got me, enough people messaged me with cute gifs and pretty pleases asking for this analysis to motivate me to finish it. So, here it is, my lyrical analysis of You're Losing Me.

I will stick to my interpretation of this song NOT being about a romantic relationship, the poll I did a while ago showed that most people interpret it to be about a romantic relationship breakdown. I will explain why I don't think that, but if you do, the main lyrical themes will still apply. (Colour coding of main themes at the end)

Before any lyrics, this songs starts with two sounds: A heartbeat and a massive sigh. Like, a really big one, you can even hear the inbreath. Something I've only ever experienced when someone is really, really exhausted and annoyed. I've sometimes made that noise when I'm standing in the pieces of something my children have broken, after I've told them a thousand times not to break it. The non-verbal expression of 'I f*cking told you this would happen'. So, before we even hear any words, I'm able to tell that this is about something that has happened before. We've been round and round this thing a million times. This breakdown has been a long time coming, a death by a thousand cuts if you will ;)

The heartbeat also sets the scene for the main lyrical theme before the first verse starts: A patient in an emergency situation, I envision a hospital room with a heart monitor. Over this heartbeat (and minimal production) we hear Taylor addressing her audience by saying

You say, "I don't understand," and I say, "I know you don't"

The You and the I are having a disagreement, but it's not so much an argument, as a miscommunication. They don't understand what she's saying but Taylor was already expecting that. Immediately, the first line confirms what the sigh was already indicating: This is not a new issue, we've been here many times before so Taylor is well aware that this communication isn't working. Then in the next line

We thought a cure would come through in time, now, I fear it won't

She introduces the medical theme in the lyrics with the word 'cure'. The metaphor is that the relationship that's being described here is the patient that's dying in hospital. This theme is incredibly present throughout the entire song, there is a constant 'brink of death' threat, with mentions of 'gashes', my face was grey' and 'too far gone to bring back to life'. And then, of course, the chorus is the culmination of this with the repetitions of 'Stop, you're losing me' and 'I can't find a pulse, my heart won't start anymore'. This gives me images of an emergency room situation where the patient is flatlining and the doctors are trying to revive them. Or maybe a battlefield, as the last line of the first verse introduces the secondary theme of war or combat with 'You might just have dealt the final blow'. Taylor has of course used the war imagery many times before when talking about conflict, such as in All Too Well ('I'm a soldier who's returning half her weight'), Call it What You Want ('I brought a knife to a gun fight'), The Great War, and the Archer ('I'm ready for combat').

So, despite the initial resignation, Taylor is fighting with the person/people she is addressing here. They are the one that's injuring the patient to the point of near death. And in the chorus she is telling them that, asking them to stop, because the relationship is dying. But we don't yet learn what she is asking them to stop doing. She does, however, show the problem in the relationship when she says:

Remember lookin' at this room, we loved it 'cause of the light Now, I just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time Do I throw out everything we built or keep it?

It's a WE versus I situation: We used to love this room, but now I (and only I) am left sitting alone in the dark. And only I get to make the decision about what to do with all the stuff we built together, because you're not even here to sit in the dark with me. Also, notice the light versus dark comparison. You are only there for the light (easy) parts, and not the dark (hard). In that context, I am inclined to interpret the room in this line as her stages and the light being the spotlight. We loved standing in the light together/You loved seeing me in the light, but now you've left me in the dark. This is why I really think this song is about the relationship with her majority fanbase and not a romantic relationship. Since 1989 she's written about her romantic partner in a way that makes it clear that this person is with her through thick and thin, on reputation we had End Game and New Years Day, the ultimate song about being there after the party when the glitter fades and it's not glamorous anymore, and in CIWYW she literally says her lover's 'starry eyes sparking up my darkest night'. So, I don't think it's her partner who is leaving her in the dark here, it's the fans. And the 'everything we built' is of course the fame/sold out stadiums etc. And that theme continues in the next verse:

Every morning I glared at you with storms in my eyes How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dyin'?I sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick

Now the picture is becoming clearer as to what the 'you' here is doing that Taylor is asking them to stop, or better what they're NOT doing. She's glaring at them, sending signals and biting her nails, using all forms of non-verbal communication, but they're not being received. Or she's being willfully ignored. The 'I sent you signals' is a screaming parallel to 'I gave so many signs' from Exile and 'sending signals to be double-crossed' from Evermore. And I think in all three cases, it is referring to queer flagging. And just like in High Infidelity (a similar song thematically) she says 'There's many ways that you can kill the one you love/ the slowest way is never loving them enough', here she's saying 'How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dyin'?. Both boils down to the same thing: Your ignorance is killing me and it's a slow and painful death. She ends the verse on the medical theme which has now slightly shifted to Taylor being the dying patient ('My face was grey' - corpse) and the relationship being sick. Over the chorus we still hear the heartbeat though, so she's dying but she's not dead yet.

Let's talk about the bridge. This is juicy, as Taylor's bridges always are, but this one, of course, had the one line that sent all the swifties into an angry rampage against Joe Alwyn. But we'll get to that. The first line is in fact my favourite:

How long could we be a sad song 'Til we were too far gone to bring back to life?

She calls the relationship a 'sad song'. And that's obviously an interesting thing for a songwriter to say, and I've seen many good interpretations of this line, but mine is this: Taylor is the girl who made her name as the young country singer who writes sad breakup songs about her past relationships. And she owned that for a while, until she openly discussed how much it trivialises her writing and that songs are more than just the person she's writing about (not as simple as a paternity test etc.), but have people stopped making her songs about men? When the Joe breakup hit the news, wasn't the first thing the swifties said 'Oh, the next album is going to be soooo sad...."?? So...for some people she still is, and will always be, just the girl who writes about breakups. And she's saying to those people 'how long can this relationship last if that's all you'll ever see me for?' She also, once again uses the medical theme of 'bringing the relationship back to life' when it has in fact died multiple deaths already. But this time it might just be 'too far gone' to be revived.

I gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy And all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier Fighting in only your army, frontlines, don't you ignore me I'm the best thing at this party (You're losing me)

She also continues the war/combat theme with being the 'bravest soldier' who is bleeding whilst on the frontline 'fighting in only your army'. This is also important. Taylor is the soldier but she's not fighting for her own cause, she's fighting in the other person's army. She's making herself bleed, for the other person's sake. Much like a closeted gay person pretending to be straight for the mass appeal. It's making me bleed for your benefit, but you don't even notice, DON'T YOU IGNORE ME!! And then we get to the ultimate bait and switch line:

And I wouldn't marry me either A pathological people pleaser Who only wanted you to see her

Where you will all shout at me 'How can it not be about a romantic relationship, it has the line about marrying!!!'. Relax, I think this is intentional. What an easy way to make the whole song sound like it's about a breakup with just one line when the rest of the song suggest something else (to me at least). I don't see this as being about a literal marriage proposal, more like a 'I wouldn't choose me either'. Very much along the lines of Anti Hero, I'm the problem, why would you choose me, but I'd still love it if you did. And she even says in the next part 'I have nothing to believe, unless you're choosing me.'

And I'm fadin', thinkin'

(POV changes, addresses self:) "Do something, babe, say something" (Say something) "Lose something, babe, risk something" (You're losing me) "Choose something, babe, I got nothing" (I got nothing) "To believe, unless you're choosin' me"

So in the imperatives, the direction of address changes and she's now thinking to/addressing herself with these commands: 'DO something, SAY something, LOSE something, CHOOSE something, RISK something.' Almost like she's trying to jumpstart herself into action. This all screams BE BRAVE to me, especially the 'say something' because in the previous verse she was communicating in all these non-verbal ways (glaring, signals, nail biting) and that wasn't working. She's telling herself to be brave and SAY something, make it unmistakably clear, but that may well mean risking something and losing it. Also, choose something babe, you can't play both sides forever. In the last line she then addresses the audience again by saying 'I have nothing to believe unless you're choosing me.' She wants to be chosen by her audience as her authentic self, not as the 'sad song' girl. Once she's said all those hard hitting truths, what follows is a massive pause, a moment of total silence. Like the moment when you've finally said all you wanted to say and now you're waiting for the reaction. And when you almost think the song has ended, we get the heartbeat again and one more chorus.

SILENCE You're losin' me Stop (Stop, stop), you're losin' me Stop (Stop, stop), you're losin' me I can't find a pulse (HEARTBEAT STOPS) My heart won't start anymore

In this last chorus the Stops are now echoed twice to increase the urgency in this plea, it sounds almost like she's saying 'stop, stop stop! It's really about to be over!'. And it is, as the heartbeats stops on the word 'pulse' and the patient has finally died. She concludes on what we have just witnessed 'My heart won't start anymore' but there is no 'for you' this time, because the relationship is dead now. No more coming back this time.

Thematically, to fit into the concept of midnights, this could be a song set in early 2019 when she was planning her coming out, or it could be more recent, as an internal counter piece to Anti Hero. I hope this lived up to what you hoped for, people who asked so nicely :)

blue - medical theme/imagery

orange - direct address to audience

green - war/combat theme

#taylor swift #gaylor #lyric analysis #you're losing me #ts midnights

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mychlapci · 3 months

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Hi again! All the megaratch tonight had me thinking about early/mid war megalock where they rope in ratchet:

Ratchet getting snatched up by Megatron's forces and he's sure it's gonna be him getting tortured for potential weaknesses in the autobot high command. He wasn't at ALL expecting Megatron to instead have captured him because none of the deception medics he even vaguely trusts are capable of caring for an expecting carrier.

Bc it turns out autobot intelligence hadn't managed to catch on that the favoured assassin, Deadlock, was more than just Megatron's killer of choice - he's carrying Megatron's sparklings.

And Ratchet knows he should probably refuse because the last thing the world needs is Megatron having heirs... but, fuck, he remembers Deadlock when he was in the Deadend and having him on the operating table to save his life. Doesn't help Deadlock admits that he specifically asked for Ratchet.

Which leads to this awkward period of Megatron hovering over every inspection and checkup, whilst Ratchet tries to subtly tell Deadlock he can do BETTER and it's not too late, and Deadlock not having a straight answer on what his relationship with Megatron even is.

But Ratchet starts to pick up the little things that changes his view. What he interpreted as Megatron being territorial and only caring about the sparklings, Ratchet soon realises he's actually pretty careful and concerned about Deadlock (possibly there's some lingering complications in his frame from his time in Deadend). And Deadlock cares in turn, he's just kinda feral and guarded now and on edge with his impending creatorhood during wartime.

Ratchet slowly warming up to Megatron because damn, he didn't expect the warlord to be a good sire, and something happens where Megatron is called away for a long while and someone has gotta keep Deadlock topped up on transfluid. Ratchet gets outright told before Megatron leaves he won't mind and Deadlock is more than happy. Cue Ratchet realising a pregnancy kink that he's kind of embarrassed took him THIS long to realise (or maybe it's just because it looks so good on Deadlock)

And then of course Megatron probably comes back wounded so Ratchet just HAS to tend to him too and they get close that way too. And probably have an ill-advised threesome with Megatron still wounded and Deadlock heavily carrying.

By the time Ratchet is "rescued" he's carrying too, of course, and his lips are sealed about the little sparkling Deadlock has hidden away

oh god YES. Ratchet captured by Megatron to tend to a carrying Deadlock is literally perfect. i need to read that fanfic. i am going to dedicate at least three to four days of daydreaming to this.

Ratchet constantly dropping subtle hints to Deadlock that he can do better, that he can change, that he doesn’t need to be bearing this maniac’s offspring. Obviously he’s gravely misunderstanding their situation which culminates with Deadlock almost clawing his eye out, assuming he’s being told to get rid of the sparkling. I think that this protectiveness, and also Megatron catching Deadlock’s hand before he could strike Ratchet, really puts things a little more into perspective.

Ratchet slowly starting to notice how Megatron minds his strength when interacting with Deadlock, how when he thinks no one is looking, he'll put a hand on the growing baby bump and just keep it there. Him getting angry when Deadlock has complications is seen less as Megatron being a crazy maniac and more as a sire scared for the safety of his carrier and offspring. Ratchet slowly warming up to them both during his “capture” and ending up with some complicated feelings, which is not made better by Megatron sitting him down and telling him that he wants Ratchet to take care of Deadlock while he’s gone…

And if we imagine that transfluid carries coding through to the gestation tank, that means that this is, indeed, a big thing to ask of Ratchet. This will make him the sire of Deadlock’s sparkling as well. It probably shouldn’t get his engine revving, but he can’t help it. He probably tries to keep it clinical and respectful, but he and Deadlock just end up getting too close to each other for their own good, and what was supposed to be a simple transfluid delievry turns into real passion...

god. The three of them having an awkward, but very intense threesome once Megatron comes back… Megatron is still grunting in pain because of his injury and Deadlock is too pregnant to really move as fluidly as he would like to, so now Ratchet has to take care of them both. Maybe as they all sink into each other, Megatron takes Ratchet’s hand and puts it on Deadlock’s pregnant belly, helping him rub circles across it while Deadlock just looks at them both with glassy, overwhelmed optics, rocking faster on Ratchet's spike. Just thinkin’ about Ratchet sandwiched between two killing machines and not feeling afraid….. hghhhhh... Deadlock having the sparkling that very same night, waking up in the tangle of warm limbs and quickly shaking both Megatron and Ratchet awake…

also, yes to Ratchet coming back to the autobots also carrying Megatron’s sparkling, and refusing to tell anyone what happened to him, insisting he has no insider information whatsoever. Everyone now pities him since, well, he's returned from decepticon capture carrying a sparkling, and that’s… not good. Or, they assume it isn’t. Ratchet obviously can’t tell them he ended up carrying after a very passionate threesome with two decepticons that he might or not actually be in love with now, not without being accused of treason. Now i wonder who’s going to keep Ratchet topped up on transfluid, since neither Megatron nor Deadlock are around…

#can i just say. HGJHASJkkdjhKJHDHHkl 👍. if that makes sense #i got very romantic with this. sorry #pregnancy mention #valveplug #texty

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prior-medium · 3 months

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"Your choices do(n't) matter" -> Deltarune to Undertale

I have been wanting to make a post for a long time, but I have a free hour on my hand and a mind full of Deltarune soo allow me to draw my favorite parallels about how Undertale and Deltarune both tackle the concept of choice, and how they are distinct but both still tell a necessary story.

Also, if you are reading this post, I am assuming you have played through Undertale and Deltarune Chapters 1 and 2, because this post will have spoilers for both. Without further ado…

Undertale’s approach when it comes to choice is one that directly targets and addresses the player. Much of the characters’ dialogue with Frisk often address them as “the human”, which, depending on your stance, could be a comment meant to speak to Frisk as a character, or to you, the player, as a human being.

In fact, as much as I adore Frisk as a character all of their own, they aren’t necessarily given any defining personality traits. They are, in the purest of senses, meant to directly be an in-game representation for the whims and desires of the player. “They” act, “they” fight, “they” flee, but it’s always you, the player, making the decisions. This isn’t necessarily a unique concept, but it’s the way that this is applied that makes this particular idea special in Undertale.

Obviously, the most noticeable instance of this is when Sans calls the player out towards the end of the game, explaining that those little levels and numbers that we, as the player, loved seeing go up, were affecting the world that we had just spent the last few hours immersing ourselves in. There is a direct effect of our choices on this universe. It is a pre-established place, and it will continue without us, the player, making an impact. In fact, in the neutral and genocide routes, you are actively making this universe a worse place! It puts the player in the position to act as themselves and make a decision about how they want to impact this virtual world. In essence, the decisions made by Frisk and you, the player, are presented as one in the same. Frisk isn’t necessarily seen as a vessel for your intentions, but rather, as your intentions themselves.

This created a unique meta-narrative when it came to the idea of how we, as players, consume media in universes. It presented the idea that universes made by creators aren’t just things to pick up and put down, but that each game world has their own story that continues onwards, with or without input. You aren’t seen as some great hero, but rather a nuisance at best, a mass murderer at worst. This was the way that Undertale addressed the idea of stories in their universe: you, the player, were seen as synonymous with Frisk, the character.

Deltarune took a different approach to this. Of course, it becomes instantly recognizable to players that “our choices don’t matter”, which is told to us almost immediately in the game. There are some sections of the game where the decisions you make don't directly influence the storyline, which differs from the narrative set by Undertale. It takes this idea of “choice” that we had pre-established going into the Deltarune experience by Toby Fox’s other works and toys with it.

Kris is their own individual. Kris has had a hard time making friends. Kris has a brother at college, and is a known town citizen. Kris is greeted by neighbors, classmates, and teachers. Kris loves chocolate and pies, shows anger at Spamton’s demise, and has a tendency to make some scary jokes (as referenced by Noelle). They are their own person. This is when Undertale and Deltarune start to split on the concept of choice.

Frisk was seen as the culmination of the player themselves, but Kris isn’t the player. This is what makes the ending of Chapter 1 particularly shocking– the idea that Kris could directly address us, the players, and our influence on them, by removing their soul. They don’t want to be the culmination of our actions. They want to be Kris.

This is where the idea of choices is twisted from our prior conceptions. Just like in Undertale, our choices in Deltarune are either praised or criticized depending on how we interact with the world we are given. However, in Undertale, we are judged as players by the characters aware of our influence. In Deltarune, we are judged in a far more intimate setting: directly by the person we are instructing to do our bidding. Because, at the end of the day, our choices do matter in Deltarune. They just matter on a smaller scale. They matter to Kris.

In this way, both games address the way our choices are impactful; they just happen to do so in two, unique settings. I think this is what makes both Undertale and Deltarune so interesting– they have a similar concept, but they completely flip the script on what that concept means, and how it applies to universes.

#this is basically a love letter to toby fox's way of #adding themes to his games #deltarune #undertale #frisk undertale #kris dreemurr #kris deltarune #frisk deltarune #undertale theory #deltarune theory #utdr #undertale meta #deltarune meta #undertale analysis #deltarune analysis

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sneezypeasy · 2 years

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Original Script Analysis, Part 2: The Southern Raiders, The Finale, and What I Think About it All

Link to Part 1

So folks, when it comes to literary analysis, there are two categories that textual interpretations typically fall under: the Doylist explanation, and the Watsonian explanation.

Watsonian explanations will contextualise an issue solely within the bounds of the story it is told in, so the answer to any question will be, essentially, “in-universe”. Imagine interviewing a character in the story, and asking them, “why did x happen” or, “why did y character decide to do z”. The answer you get will be a Watsonian answer.

Doylist explanations, on the other hand, are explanations that take into account things the characters themselves wouldn’t “have access to”, so to speak. These explanations often touch on writing concepts like theme, character arcs, tropes, setup and payoff etc, sometimes even referring to “real-world” motivations, intentions, or constraints that the creators were working with (or against). If an explanation or an answer to a question doesn’t sound like anything the characters themselves could have come up with, it’s probably a Doylist explanation.

I’m going to give an example from Titanic that I hope isn’t a spoiler to anybody at this point given how much this film has been memed to shit:

Jack dies at the end of Titanic. Now, why did he die?

The Watsonian says: He died because there was no room on the door.

The more intelligent Watsonian says: No there WAS room on the bloody door you smooth-brained koala did you even watch the fucking movie? They tried to get them both on there, the door just couldn’t hold the two of them because of something called BUOYANCY you fucking idiot-

The Doylist says: Jack died because it was the culmination of his character arc, and because he and Rose symbolise the class disparity of the victims of that tragedy; Jack is the poorer third class, and Rose is the rich upper class. Upper class women were the likeliest demographic to survive the sinking of the Titanic, and lower class men were the likeliest demographic to die. Jack had to die and Rose had to live; it’s symbolic.

Here’s another example: on the r/DeathNote subreddit, someone asked why L fell off his chair in such an exaggerated and dramatic fashion upon hearing that shinigami could be real. The top comment provides a detailed Watsonian answer, followed by a Doylist one:

Basically, Watsonian commentary is consistent with how the characters, in-universe, might explain/contextualise something. Doylism explains how a plot point or character decision serves a purpose beyond what the characters themselves would be able to conceptualise, whether that’s narrative payoff, authorial intent, or even marketing/executive decisions/budget constraints.

Why am I explaining all of this? Because I want to play a game with you guys.

You ready?

The name of this game is: Why, in the original script of The Southern Raiders, is Katara somehow asleep while LITERAL BOMBS ARE GOING OFF AROUND HER(!!!)

Is it:

A) Katara trained herself to sleep through Fire Nation raids and bombs from a young age

B) Katara is just generally that deep of a sleeper

C) Elizabeth Ehasz wanted an excuse (any excuse, really) to force Zuko and Katara to interact (because this is their episode, after all-)

Yeah, maybe I’m just unimaginative but I’m pretty sure it’s C. I’d love to hear your best Watsonian take for this one though (please, go nuts, lmao)

Like all the other changes we’ve seen, nothing has been done to the dialogue, which plays out how it does in the show:

I’m sorry I just can’t get over this 🤣🤣 “Character A and Character B hate each other/are not talking to each other/are currently in the process of biting each other’s heads off, now let’s come up with some ridiculous excuse to make Character A and Character B play nice and help and warm up to each other” is a pretty solid fanfic trope but I think this is the first time I’ve seen “MAKE CHARACTER A SLEEP THROUGH A FUCKING MISSILE ATTACK” utilised for this specific purpose.

Logically I understand why this was changed for the show, but I’m ngl, I’m slightly sad we didn’t get to see this version. 🤣🤣🤣

Interestingly, Katara doesn’t catch Zuko after he gets blasted off the war blimp - the script doesn’t specify anyone catching Zuko, it just says that he “lands safely on the bison” (sorry, I thought I wrote this one down in full but I only wrote down that quote, my bad 💀).

(It does make me wonder though, whether the storyboarders/animators looked at the “Katara sleeps through bombs” bit and were like.... “ok how about no, but we’ll give you ‘Katara catches a skydiving Zuko’ instead, fair trade?” 😂😂)

Continuing on from that, I have to say that even with the voice lines unchanged, Elizabeth Ehasz’s vision for Zuko and Katara’s deepening connection and understanding continues to trickle through this episode at various moments:

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Katara sobbing as she recounts her trauma? Zuko getting teary himself hearing about Katara’s grief and love for her mother? Katara visibly relaxing as a result of unburdening some of her feelings onto him? Zuko pulling Katara back and making sure she’s okay before she ploughs on ahead?

😭😭🥰🥰

And then of course, there are times when Elizabeth’s subtlety is not so subtle at all (here you go, you guys have well and truly earned this one):

Welp. I can tell you I wasn’t expecting to see that - at all. I came to the WGF hoping, maybe, to find some small crumbs - tiny clues that might give a slight nudge to the rumours that Elizabeth Ehasz was a ZK shipper, and that shippy subtext viewers may have picked up in TSR maybe wasn’t entirely lacking in substance.

I wasn’t expecting to find a page where good ol’ Elizabeth had a zutara fangasm all over her own writing 🤣🤣🤣

On the hug itself, Elizabeth’s notes were very brief:

I was a touch disappointed not to see any more fangirling, though after that serotonin boost up above I really couldn’t be too greedy. 🤣

Zuko and Katara’s scenes together in Sozin’s Comet and the Agni Kai are generally the same as what we see in the show, though I thought you guys might like to read the lightning scene anyway:

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This might be a good time to mention that I had the pleasure of working alongside @korranguyen on one of the two days that I visited the WGF. If you found the descriptions of Azula’s downward spiral in the Agni Kai uncomfortable to read, you might appreciate her essays here and here.

Unfortunately folks, we are indeed near the end now. And we know how the story ends:

Wins, eh? Interesting choice of words there. Almost makes it seem like there was a competition? Like there were, oh I don’t know, other contenders?

Now there’s something else which I think some of you may find very interesting about the script of Sozin’s Comet Part 4, and I will get to that in due course, but for now I want to discuss the way the ships were treated by the show writers and creators. As I summarised earlier and as you probably noticed yourself from reading these scripts:

From season 1 up until Day of Black Sun, the writing was heading towards a Kataang conclusion. And development-wise, it wasn’t too shabby! There was a clear and steady progression. Maybe a little subtle, from Katara’s side, but nowhere near as ambiguous as in the show. And again maybe this is just me, but I wouldn’t have been frustrated with it either, if it was shown like that.

After Day of Black Sun, the writing takes a weird turn. Kataang takes a nosedive while Zutara gets a ton of positive development (reconciliation, forgiveness, synchronicity and cooperation* anyone? lmao), which is canon in the show too but it’s… even more pronounced in the script? Aang is more aggro, Zuko and Katara are more tender/vulnerable with one another, they don’t scoot away at the suggestion that they like, like each other – and these are the final drafts? What the heck were y’all writing in the first drafts?? (No that’s not a joke actually, I wanna know 😭)

Kataang “wins”. Wins?!? I thought y’all said there was never even a contest!!**

Okay, time for some speculation/theorising on my part. To me, it seems like, at some point after writing the “Kataang” episodes but before actually animating and producing them, and before writing the later episodes in season 3, and perhaps even right up until the writing of Sozin’s Comet Part 4, there was a collective (if not unanimous) decision to “keep things open”. The question is: why?

Did the writers disagree, or was it just shipbaiting? Or was it some combination of both?

If no-one else, Elizabeth Ehasz is quite clearly a Zutara fangirl; I don’t think anyone can deny that after reading the way she writes these kids 🤣 That paragraph does not read to me like a writer casually (or grudgingly) obeying directions to shiptease because it’s what the producers wanted, it reads like a writer unable to stay professional about how much she loves this one fucking ship. (We feel you Lizzie. We feel you.)

So was there actually some discord in the writer’s room about which direction to take the romance arcs? @zutarawasrobbed pointed out that given the narrative decision to hinge Aang’s internal struggle and character arc around the need to “let go” of an “attachment” to Katara, (some?) writers may have seen a potential in deconstructing Kataang to fulfil this arc. This is especially possible if, after writing Crossroads of Destiny and/or seeing audience feedback to that episode, Zutara was increasingly beginning to appear as a viable alternative.

I mean, even by Sozin’s Comet, it doesn’t seem like they’d figured out how to resolve Aang’s whole “blocked chakra” situation –

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Aang “somehow” just happens to untangle what had previously been set up as an internal struggle, with the conveniently timed activation of some “chi bending nonsense” (and reverse-glowing arrows and “such things”).

Uh huh.

(To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Rick and Morty -)

Of course, the other possibility is that most of the way through writing the script, and maybe about halfway through animating it, the creators simply recognized a clear potential for shipbaiting, and this is at least somewhat to blame for the hot mess that is the romance arcs of ATLA.

My personal theory is that writer disagreement did happen, and is at least partially why we ended up getting what we got. The fact that both ships are specifically referenced and granted “approval” so to speak, by different writers, and one of them ends up explicitly “winning”, sort of cinches it for me. Either way, the show was clearly pulling in different directions at different parts and under different creators, and in my opinion the scripts support these rumours.

One thing is for certain: whether this was just shipteasing, or actual production hell in the writer’s room, it is my opinion that Zutara AND Kataang were both robbed.

Kataang had a decent romance arc written out for it, and even if there may have been issues reconciling it with Aang’s internal conflict set up in the Guru and/or with the over-arching themes of the show, it would have been all right in the end if they had just kept it the way they originally wrote it. I can’t really see any but the most die-hard anti-Kataangers being mad about it, and Kataangers themselves would have loved it. They had a fine romance written out and they ruined it. If they did so because Zutara was being seriously considered as a possible outcome, then it’s just all the more frustrating that Zutara never ended up happening in the end. They put a lot of effort into sinking a perfectly serviceable ship and ultimately it was all for nothing. (Or worse, purely for shipbaiting). Just sad.

So, that’s my thoughts on that. And that concludes this essay- oh wait.

Right... there was that thing I kept mentioning about Sozin’s Comet Part 4. 😈

*Ahem.*

So you know how I said all these scripts were final drafts?

That’s because they are - except for two episodes: Sozin’s Comet Part 4, and Jet.

Unlike the other scripts, which have all been labelled “As Broadcast Drafts”, these two scripts are ADR drafts.

What is ADR, you ask?

According to @lady-of-bath, who works in the screenwriting industry, ADR stands for “Automated Dialogue Replacement” and is used when a script has gone through a process of re-recording or re-dubbing, because for whatever reason, the originally scripted and recorded lines are/were unsatisfactory.

(This is also something you can verify yourself actually, even if you don’t live in the LA area: when you search up ATLA in the WGF database***, even though you can’t access the scripts you can access basic details such as, the date the draft was finalised, the name of the writer, and - whether it was submitted as an “ADR” draft or an “As Broadcast Draft”.)

I even emailed the library to ask about this distinction as well:

So if I understand this correctly, all the ATLA scripts you can find in the guild were first submitted, and then lines were recorded, and then changes were made to the script that didn’t involve dialogue replacement, and then it went through animation and post-production and ended up being what you now see on screen. This is supported by the fact that A) I definitely found some changes, but B) the changes I did find were all in the action lines/shot descriptions etc.

All the scripts submitted to the guild went through this process - all of them, except these two scripts.

These two scripts were not final drafts; I guess they might be more accurately termed “final final drafts™”, because they were submitted after some(!) lines were re-recorded, (changed? added onto? cut?!?) and the script was then updated to reflect these changes that had been made in post-production.

Which just begs the question: what lines had to be re-recorded??

What did the final draft look like before this???

(Might it possibly contextualise why Dante Basco and Mae Whitman apparently both thought Zutara was going to be canon?)

This is conspiracy fodder galore, lmfao. Pardon the dramatics here for a moment, but with enough tinfoil-hatting this could easily turn into the Zutara fandom equivalent of 18½ missing minutes of Nixon tapes. ��

Anyway, that about sums up my detective effort on this whole thing. I did find some more tidbits which I’ll likely post in a Part 3/Epilogue type thing - mostly small changes (most of them not really zutara-related) that I found interesting or funny enough to jot down; I’ll be making a compilation of these for your reading pleasure as soon as I can. ^^

One last bonus for you guys: the “I’ll save you from the Pirates” scene:

I must confess, I never really read this scene as romantically framed or “shippy” when I first watched it. But the way it’s written here looks like it’s taken straight out of a fanfic. “Right into the arms of Zuko”? Oh no. (Oh yes.) Oh me oh my. 🤣

*Also, someone needs to write a Mr and Mrs Smith Zutara AU titled “Synchronicity and Cooperation”, I’m saying it now, this is my official decree. Write it, folks. We need it.

**Screenshot taken from: https://avatar.fandom.com/wiki/Avatar_Extras_(Book_One:_Water) (Under “Goofs”)

***I hope that link works, if it doesn’t, just navigate to their Library Catalogue and search up ATLA yourself.

Edit: There was a minor typo in one of the passages - it originally read “Katara has a lot of energy and momentum, and Zuko pulls her back and STOPS her before they read the door” instead of what it was supposed to say (“before they reach the door”, lol). The typo should be fixed now 😊

#zutara #atla #atla original scripts #writer's guild foundation #the southern raiders original script #sozin's comet original script #kinda???#tin foil hat bonanza #buy one sherlock hat get one free tin foil hat #lmao #long post #text post #meta #bryke critical #kataang critical #this was fun guys #now go forth and write more metas #and more fics #enjoy!!

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scoobydoodean · 24 days

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hi again!! 2 things:

1. i was wondering your opinion on dean pulling a gun on Kaia that one time? that scene makes me sooo uncomfortable & it feels out of character for dean to do that to a kid.

2. i was wondered if youve ever heard this song--i am Obsessed with it: https://youtu.be/0Tl9gSq71Dk?si=WPKkz7-_0YbjRQHB

Hello! So I remember feeling that way the first time I watched 13.09. It's been a while now since I rewatched season 13, but I do remember on future watches, that I came around to it. Unlike what I was bitching about last night, I feel that what happens with Kaia is much better motivated. While absolutely out of Dean's typical character, it is intentionally so. It's supposed to shock us as a further reflection of Dean's very bad mental state in season 13. This season opens with Dean losing Cas, Mary, and Crowley, and seriously struggling with those losses to the point of wanting to die. He literally has a suicide plan and he actually kills himself in 13.05, only to be brought back by Billie. At the same time that Dean is dealing with this crushing mental state, Sam, in his own pain, is looking for support, which he tries to get by pushing Dean to step up and help him with Jack when Dean simply isn't emotionally capable of that at the time and knows it. Sam becomes so fixated on trying to "make" Dean get better that he tries to play therapist in a way that's ultimately very invalidating and unintentionally cruel. Dean is no goodie-two-shoes either most certainly, but that's again all part of this blinking neon sign screaming, "Dean Is Not Okay" that eventually culminates with what happens with Kaia.

Up until this episode, Dean has repeatedly told himself that Mary is dead. When Jack shows him something different, we literally see Dean's eyes get distant and it's like he can barely breathe and all the noise around him falls away as Sam and Jack are talking. He is having A Moment™️.

So when Kaia refuses to help them, Dean snaps. It's not pretty, and it's shocking from Dean because it is something we know is not typical of Dean's character. Jack also showed them a vision of Mary in a torture cage, so Dean believes his mom is in danger of death as they speak and is suffering. From his perspective, the thing standing between him and his mom being tortured to death is a teenager who just doesn't want to see something scary.

#@ the video they should have put that youtuber and her song in “Fan Fiction” XD #13.09 #season 13 #kaia #deans moral compass #mary #mail

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wxnheart · 9 months

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I am fond of the brat taming trope and I would love to see what some of the Primarchs would do with a human reader who dares to be bratty to them. Especially the Lion, the Khan, or Perturabo

Horus - Would indulge your brattiness because he'll more than tame you tonight. Does it with the most placid expression imaginable; you later realize that he reacts with the sole intention of riling you up even more.

Leman Russ - Doesn't take you seriously lmao. Has a tendency to hit you with the most feral of grins because it leaves you breathless and moist as fuck while you're being a brat. Bastard.

Ferrus Manus - Will methodically ignore you to the point he cockblocks you. You're seething in sexual frustration because while he looks completely unfazed, you see the mirth and victory in his eyes.

Fulgrim - See, my dear, you can't out-brat The Brat™. Becomes a contest to see who can out-brat the other. Usually culminates in hate sex. Real Bratty Fulgrim shit.

Vulkan - Thinks your brattiness is endearing and does not tame you. You actually have to spell it out that you WANT him to tame you. With hugs. Preferably in bed. Naked. With hugs. 😊

Rogal Dorn - Surprises the fuck out of you by pulling out the Pain Glove. NO THANK YOU, DORN. The sides of his mouth quirk up slightly and you realize you've been tricked in pure Dorn fashion. But then he really punishes you with a round of orgasm denial. Teehee.

Roboute Guilliman - You actually piss him off enough and the next thing you know your clothes are in tatters on the floor, you're stark naked on his office desk, and it's his turn to tease you. You're told to stay quiet (keep in mind you're in earshot of his dear Ultramarines) or he'll stop. Congratulations on the Ultrasex, m'dear!

Magnus the Red - Gets your ass back with Warp shenanigans. You're a needy, horny mess begging for him and he's sitting back watching it all happen.

Sanguinius - There's a reason why he meditates. That glint in his eyes stops you in your tracks. Let's just say that the next day you dressed to cover the hickeys that decorated your ENTIRE body.

Lion El'Jonson - Ferrus Manus cockblocks you intentionally. Lion does it by accident. You yell at him out of sexual frustration. Still, he does nothing. He'll get the hint once you TELL him to fuck tame you.

Perturabo - Do you... do you really want to know? He has a lifetime of pent-up frustration and resentment that he needs to get out and, well... Emperor bless.

Mortarion - *stares in Death Guard*

Lorgar - Your brattiness actually makes him realize he has a bit of a corruption kink. He wants to fall prey to his baser instincts, his lust, and punish you for your unbecoming ways. You kinky whores, you. 👀

Jaghatai Khan - Tames you by going fast. Make of that what you will. 😏

Konrad Curze - You're being a brat, Konrad takes amusement in your attempts and rewards you by giving you absolutely nothing, and Sevatar is in the background nonplussed by the situation while also wondering why in the fuck you'd even want Konrad Curze to... 'tame' you.

Angron - He silently judges your ass so bad you don't even try anymore. Chuckles like a motherfucker, too, when you give up. Spiteful bastard. You realize you said that out loud and haul ass.

Corvus Corax - How does he tame you? By running through the Imperium with his woes. Like... his actual woes. You know how that shit go. lmao

Alpharius Omegon - Uh... GOTTA TAME 'EM ALL! ALPHA LEGION!

#warhammer 40k #wh40crack.#nsfw.#primarch #primarch x reader

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randomtacoscry · 28 days

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I've been reading about a million articles pertaining to the 100th ep and I literally CANNOT wait (although I am still nervous about the buddie stuff becoming canon). Here are a few different passages/quotes from the press tours leading up to the ep tomorrow that make me think we are getting bi!Buck though: From Us Weekly Entertainment's "9-1-1’s Oliver Stark Says Buck ‘Doesn’t Quite Understand’ His ‘Jealousy’ of Eddie (Exclusive)" - Oliver Stark says his character, Evan “Buck” Buckley, will use his bond with best friend Eddie Diaz to figure out his emotions in 9-1-1 season 7. - “I think it’s almost a feeling of searching or uneasiness, not necessarily with Eddie, but within himself, and it’s easier sometimes to put that onto somebody else than have to do the self-reflection and self-interrogation of, ‘Hey, what am I actually feeling here?’” - quote from Oliver Stark - Stark confessed he felt a sense of responsibility in bringing the story line to life — especially during such a major milestone for the show. - “And I think that’s kind of the story that we’re able to start to tell here, is that Buck isn’t consciously aware of the thing that he’s looking for or what’s lacking in his life,” Stark shared with Us. “And as he hopefully starts to discover that it’s this cathartic, liberating feeling of just being able to ease into it and breathe out this big sigh of relief at last.” - “I like to think it’s somebody that can challenge him, but I think maybe somebody where it’s not too easy for him,” he told Us. “I look back at all his past relationships, and even though he hasn’t necessarily been the one to end them at the beginning, it’s always kind of been pretty easy and smooth sailing for Buck. He’s kind of had a crush, got the person.”

youtube

From Hello!'s "Exclusive: 9-1-1's Oliver Stark previews 'intimate' 100th episode, says it will 'honor these characters'" - Oliver admits the episode will "further his character development a lot". - "More than anything, I think if [this development] is going to impact the 118 it will only be in a positive sense. Buck has real family to lean on in the 118 and he'll certainly be making use of that; it's a chance for them to all grow as a unit," - a quote from Oliver Stark - But Oliver is certain about one thing: "Buck's journey of self-discovery will, for sure, be a long-running [character arc] but I think I just want to see Buck settled, and proud, of his decisions, and to be able to walk tall and not feel like he needs to hide any part of himself and just be open to being the Buck that makes him." From TV Insider's "‘9-1-1’ Episode 100 Sneak Peek: Buck’s Bothered By Eddie & Tommy’s Plans" - "[the episode] also leans very heavy on character. At this point, we’ll have spent 100 episodes with these characters. It’s nice to let them be and just look at their lives and explore where they are a little bit as we look back and think about all we’ve done and all that culminating.”

youtube

#buddie #bi!buck #evan buckley #evan 'buck' buckley #911 #9 1 1 #911 abc #911 spoilers #911 buddie #9 1 1 buddie #eddie diaz #100th episode #911 100th episode #Youtube

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lurkingshan · 10 months

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Step by Step and (lack of) emotional catharsis

I have been reflecting on the Jeng and Pat romance aspects of episode 10 of Step by Step, trying to pinpoint the source of my discontent. Because candidly, I expected to like it more than I did. They finally kissed! They started a relationship! They had several flirty, sexy scenes! Pat pinned Jeng up against a car door and climbed on his back! They made out like fiends on every available surface! I love all that stuff, and normally when I get to this phase of a romance I feel a certain happy giddiness come over me. Not so today, and I think I’ve figured out why.

Before I get into it, let me tell you what I am not doing in this post. I am not getting into the show’s already well-established pacing and editing issues. I am not predicting what comes next, nor do I care for the purposes of this post. And I am not here to talk about whether the events of today’s episode were realistic or in character. There are good discussions of all that happening already (check out this post by @shortpplfedup for a read on what’s happening with the plot), and there are ways for me to rationalize everything we saw and make it fit with what we know of these characters.

What I am interested in talking about, however, is why despite my intellectual understanding of what the plot is trying to do, this episode felt emotionally unsatisfying from a storytelling perspective. And for me, it goes back to this:

And this:

Across nine episodes, this show slowly built up Jeng’s feelings for Pat from a crush to deep affection to ardent devotion. We saw him sink further and further into his feelings week after week. We saw him find ways to be near Pat and care for Pat. We saw him treat Pat with respect at work, make him food, watch out for his emotional and physical safety, and find ways to give him gifts. We saw him beg for the simple chance to be a safe place for him, even if he got nothing in return. And we saw his absolute devastation when Pat first failed to see him, then outright rejected his sincere feelings. We saw him cry in his baby brother’s arms because he was in so deep. We were not just told, we were shown that Jeng’s feelings for Pat are very intense, and that he wants a serious relationship with Pat.

And so you would expect, at the culminating moment of this very slow burn, that the resolution to his arc would hold equal weight to all that came before it. You would expect a moment of catharsis where Jeng’s hurt feelings were acknowledged between them, where he and Pat finally clicked into the same emotional frequency, and where they came to some kind of understanding of how they want to either start fresh or move forward together as a couple.

But that’s not what we got at all. Instead, the show gave us a very brief conversation in which Pat got upset with Jeng for distancing himself from him (after asking Jeng to distance himself from him) and started sobbing, Jeng looked kind of confused, said “I’m not letting you wonder anymore” (an utterly baffling line, the man has confessed like five times at this point), made a couple bemused faces as Pat continued crying while he explained the work situation, and then said “we’re together now” and went straight for a hot and heavy make out (and possibly sex on the kitchen counter).

Now, I am not at all opposed to these characters going straight to sex. Jeng has been waiting a long time, they’re horny for each other, the floodgates are finally open, congrats and have fun, you two! But I must ask, where was the emotional catharsis? Where was the narrative throughline from the devastated and confused Jeng from last week to the curiously chill Jeng of this week? Why didn’t we see a trace of hurt or frustration from him when Pat suddenly came in demanding things he had shut down so firmly before? The Jeng who was always so careful with Pat, who wanted them to understand each other, and who wanted much more than just hot sex and a good time - where did he go?

And if we thought some of that emotional catharsis might come later in the episode, that didn’t happen either. Instead we jumped into a montage where we moved through what appears to be several months of their relationship (the timeline, as ever, is hard to follow, but Ae’s baby looks to be about four or five months old) via a series of scenes where they flirt (in front of coworkers) and have sex (including in public) while ostensibly hiding their relationship. And it really was pretty purely about sex - @neuroticbookworm pointed out to me that despite Jeng’s well-established fantasies of cooking and cleaning and caring for Pat, we didn’t even get to see any domesticity between them. It was work and sex and sex and work. The serious and devoted Jeng of the previous nine episodes became a horny boss who flirted outrageously in the office, decided to give his boyfriend an unearned promotion, and dismissed said boyfriend when he expressed concern about how all this was making him look. At no point in this episode did he seem especially attuned to Pat’s feelings as his anxiety about the office gossip grew (and recall, we had previously been invited by the narrative to notice Jeng’s attentiveness in contrast to Put’s selfishness). And when Pat tried to have a serious conversation with him, Jeng blew him off because he would rather stay in his happy sex haze bubble than deal with the reality of how his behavior is affecting Pat.

Here’s the part where I tap the sign above again and repeat: I am not interested in debating whether this is realistic or can be read as in character for Jeng. For me, the important thing is that there was a significant disconnect between Jeng’s emotional journey through episode 9 and the emotionally lacking resolution we got in this episode. It felt like Jeng, after finally getting his chance, was treating Pat more like a fuck buddy than the faen he so desperately wanted. It felt like the Jeng we know was replaced with someone whose emotions felt lacking in the depth we’ve come to expect from him.

I recognize that this show is not over and we may yet hit on some of these emotional beats I am craving. But we are already moving into the next phase of the story (surprise, more angst!) and this episode did mark the end of the long slow burn we’ve been on with these characters. Instead of feeling like we reached an important emotional climax when Jeng and Pat finally got together, it felt like we got two-thirds of the way up the emotional breakthrough mountain and said oh well, this is good enough, let’s take a selfie and go home.

And for me, it was a letdown.

#step by step #thai bl #shan shouts into the void

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 7 months

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This happened a while ago but it's been bothering me.

In high school, my best friend (Hayley) and I briefly dated after we A: realised we weren't straight and B: had romantic feelings for one another. We didn't tell anyone about it at the time, and due to the circumstances behind her breaking it off, it just. Never came up with friends. It was a little on again off again for years due to her issues around commitment and vulnerability, and eventually I put my foot down and said I was over her and just wanted to be friends, nothing more.

Around this time, a mutual friend set her up with a friend of her boyfriend. I was the last one to find out in our friend group that she was dating Tim, and only really because she asked for permission to tell Tim that we had dated, because they were starting to get serious.

At this point in time, we were all about 23, so it had been over 5 years since we'd been romantically involved. Everyone in our friend group knew we were queer, but we weren't out publicly yet, and they still didn't know about Hayley and I dating. But I still agreed because I understood her wanting to be open and honest with him.

Fast forward a year and Tim cheats on her with his ex-girlfriend. I won't go into details about how messy this was, because a lot of it is personal to them, but the relevant part is that Tim justified this to his friend group by telling them that he'd done it because he was upset about Hayley doing it first.

He tells them all that Hayley and I had dated, naming me in the process, and lies that we (Hayley and I) slept together on a recent girls trip. We find out because one of his friends is a mutual friend's boyfriend, and suddenly all hell breaks loose because our friend group finds out Hayley and I dated, and both of us are not only outed, but rumours start spreading about us cheating.

It's important to note that I'm asexual, and have some trauma around being discussed sexually that I hadn't fully dealt with at the time. Tim never apologises to me for any of it, Hayley jokes to me on the phone while in tears that it's particularly ridiculous because I'm asexual, and the two of them get back together.

Here is the messy part. I don't bring up how I'm feeling, because I'm more concerned about Hayley's feelings, for various reasons, and I have a very strong people pleasing streak that I also had not dealt with at the time.

Fast forward two years and I am suddenly unpacking all this trauma, while also dealing with a lot of personal turmoil. My friendship with Hayley has become more and more strained as we grow and change as people, and I begin to realise that we haven't really been the same around each other for a while now.

This culminates in Hayley messaging me one day to say that she and Tim are engaged, and I, caught up in what was going on at the time (and I was also at work), don't immediately reply - partially because I'm figuring out how to word a reply I don't actually mean. Except I forget to respond and later that night, she messages me and essentially tells me not to bother.

I give her space, as she told me not to message her, and then she messages me two weeks later angry about me not contacting her. I am dealing with a lot that I'm not getting into here, including a court case and a death in the family, but finally I decide to just come clean.

I message her and apologise for not responding sooner. I explain that I'm still unpacking a lot of my own problems and trying to figure things out, and I'm realising that I haven't been comfortable around Tim since the incident happened. I explain that I don't hold it against her at all, because I didn't voice any of this at the time, but it also isn't something I can ignore. I explain that I feel like we've both been trying too hard to maintain a friendship that just isn't working anymore. I tell her that I would never ask her to put a relationship aside for my sake, especially with our history, and I don't want to put her in an unfair situation by making her feel like she's having to balance the two of us, but neither do I want to put myself in an unfair situation by continuing to ignore my own feelings about him and the entire debacle.

So I tell her, point blank, that I still care about her, but we've grown apart, and I think the healthiest solution is to end our friendship. I wish her the best with Tim and explain that this isn't anyone's fault, it's just that we were already growing apart and with everything that's happened, I don't think that our relationship is repairable.

Since then, I've not had much contact with the extended friend group for similar reasons, though I'm 90% sure they've sent a gift basket for my last two birthdays, they haven't attached a name or said anything about it.

I still feel terrible about the entire situation and sometimes doubt if I did the right thing, or if there was a better way of handling things. So. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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shakespearenews · 4 months

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In 2019, Sandra Hüller, one of Germany’s foremost stage and film actors, starred as Hamlet in a production at the Schauspielhaus Bochum, in the Ruhr Valley. For most performers, the part is challenge enough. But as Hüller prepared for the role with the theatre’s artistic director, Johan Simons, their discussions kept drifting to the character who animates Hamlet’s fantasies of revenge: his father’s ghost. In most stagings, ghastly makeup and lighting convey that the character is spectral. Could this lingering spirit be conjured without melodramatic clichés? Simons and Hüller agreed that it would be potent for the father to rise from within the son—speaking through him. As Simons recently described the conceit, “The father is so deep in your soul that you can’t get away from him—he is always in you.”

In the opening scene of the modern-dress, German-language production, Hüller stood alone onstage, her hands hanging uselessly by her sides, her eyes downcast. In a trembling near-whisper, she spoke lines that Shakespeare originally wrote for Hamlet’s friend Horatio: “If there be any good thing to be done, / That may to thee do ease and grace to me, / Speak to me.” Hüller smiled faintly to hold back tears, and her voice broke as she muttered, “You are here, you are here.”

When it came time for Hamlet’s encounter with the Ghost, an eerie chord resounded, and Hüller’s soft, breathy voice suddenly dropped an octave. She was no longer Hamlet, or not entirely. “Pity me not!” Hüller said, her eyes hardening and her voice quickening as she channelled the Ghost: “I am thy father’s spirit, / Doom’d for a certain term to walk the night, / And for the day confined to fast in fires, / Till the foul crimes done in my days of nature / Are burnt and purged away.” As Hüller played it, Hamlet wasn’t seeing a ghost; he was being possessed by it. Hüller’s previously gentle demeanor was displaced by lurching motion, and when the Ghost furiously commanded his son’s obedience—“List, list, O, list!” in Shakespeare’s original—she practically vomited up the words: “Hör, hör, o, hör! ”

The scene was as scary to watch as any horror movie, but it also felt profound: the sins of the old were literally infecting the bodies of the young, emphasizing the generational rot at the heart of the play. German critics hailed Hüller’s performance as revelatory—not just as an examination of character but as an exploration of the capacities of stage art. Der Spiegel said that witnessing Hüller wrestle with Hamlet and the Ghost simultaneously was like watching “an exorcism.”

Before the show opened, Hüller read an essay that portrayed “Hamlet” as a critique of the conventions of Renaissance revenge tragedy—and of the society from which those conventions emerged. “Shakespeare wrote the play at the edge of these times when blood revenge was still a thing,” she told me recently. “Shakespeare’s showing it one more time, but in the most absurd way—because everybody’s dead at the end. The play is saying, ‘This can’t be the way.’ ” At the Schauspielhaus Bochum, the climactic duel between Hamlet and Laertes swerved away from physical violence: neither combatant would make the first move. Instead, Hüller and Dominik Dos-Reis, the actor playing Laertes, hurled the phrase “fang an”—“start”—back and forth, battling not just each other but the demand for a bloody confrontation. The moment culminated, as it does in Shakespeare’s text, in an unexpected gesture of forgiveness. “They shake hands before they die, and say, ‘We don’t want to be like our fathers,’ ” Hüller said. “And, to me, that is something that applied to the world as it is now. That seemed to be something that I could identify with. Not to redo all the things that our ancestors have done before but to change them—to break the chain.”

Hüller liked that the production showed the effect of violence without actually showing violence. “When you show violence, I believe, it must have a strong form,” she told me. “You can’t treat it like any other sort of narrative in a story. It means something when you show a rape onstage, or when somebody gets slapped in the face onstage. It is crossing a line.” Her voice, usually soft, shifted to a more forceful register. “I have heard a lot of directors point out, ‘Yeah, but that’s what’s in the story,’ ” she continued. “I know what’s in the story. But still, I can decide, because I am the artist, what to show of it, and what not. I can decide how I want to shape the world that we are building onstage.”

#Sandra Hüller #hamlet #theater #theatre #actors #acting #ghosts #fathers #staging #new yorker

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charmedreincarnation · 1 year

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I’ve been getting a lot of messages and asks saying their faith in the law is lost so I just want to make this post as a reminder since you guys have seem to forgotten you are god.

My friend whom I am helping to shift, came to me for motivation. They were feeling down and lost in their journey because another year has been added to how long it had taken them to shift. So I’ll tell you guys what I told her. I told her to think of watching a movie. Any movie you have already watched imagine it. I’m sure there were times where it was scary and you thought your favorite character had reached the end of the roast. but by the end the movies has a good ending and as usual everything was ok. Now Pretend to watch it again, when the bad things come in the same movie you’re not going to be as shocked because you already know the ending is good so why should it matter. Everyone else in the theatre will be turning, shocked and gasping. They will be mumbling to their friends, “what do you think will happen!” But not you. You will sit there content, unbothered, and bored because you know it turns out well. That’s your journey.

Now we know the law, the void, shifting (or whatever you desire) is real. And if it’s not then you make it real be the first person to achieve it if your seriously think every single person on this earth since the dawn of time is lying. It’s possible if you think it is. It’s up to you if you think it’s worth it. no one else can convince you otherwise. In 10 years while you have everything you could want and more..you won’t remeber these days, weeks, months or however long it took for you to get your desires. Do you think that’s worth it? If not then give up now. If you think unconditional amount of happiness for the rest of your immortal life or however long you want to do it is worth it, then persist.

I know it sucks. Hearing persist all the time. No one wants to persist, we all want our desires now and we should get our desires now. It’s like those videos you see of rich people who use to poor telling current poor people, I made it So you can too! I feel as I have won the lottery with discovering the law, spirituality and more. I have gotten everything good in the world culminated into one big gifted experience so I don’t ever want to come out seeming like said rich people. But it’s true.

The only barriers from our goals is ourselves. The brain is an amazing thing, and shifting, the void, lucid dreaming, astral projection literally whatever you want is amazing! it only makes sense side effects of our brain as perfection does not exist is making internal struggles for our own journeys. But you can get your desires and you will. It’s only up to you to decide if it’s worth the time and no one else can change that. No one is more spiritually better, or luckier, or destined to get their desires . I’m not better or smarter than you because I have. Maybe luckier if that’s how you perceive it…but your time will come when you allow it. We will all soon bear the fruit of our labor, and I manifest that day is today for all of you.

If you don’t believe me the proof is in your meer existence. Society you see today and the way the world works and the earth is spin is due to our imagination. We were once neondarthals and homosapiens wandering with no desire, besides to bear children and eat. Now we have purpose, sky scrapers, roads, communication, religion, and free will because we aspired that to happen. We created everything we see today and you still doubt your ability when it’s right in front of you. We were all born to do, and this isn’t a special new thing we discovered but our inborn right. Wake up and persist, reap the rewards you have sown. Now do the same for your life. That is all 💓

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bomberqueen17 · 8 months

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uhhhhmuhgawhhhh

ok this has been a long fucking month.

i am back in buffalo. i am in my house. i had to find my pillow, which had gotten misfiled. but i have had a slep, i have gotten catsnuggles, i have gotten *cough* we'll call them dudesnuggles. i have awoken. i have made my coffee the way i like it. i am on a couch on my computer and don't have to do anything for at least an hour.

now i can tell to you the Saga of All Of It.

so like ok August was a really rough month. It was just-- busy, and I had been tentatively on a three-weeks-on, one-week-off schedule at the farm, and had thus managed to visit Buffalo like, well once this summer but you know. Anyway the last time I was home I'd spent the entire time helping Dude's mom clear out his aunt's house, so it hadn't exactly been relaxing or let me do any of my own projects, but it had been something. But I got back to the farm and it was go-go-go-go, and then BIL and Farmsister and Farmkid and my mom went on vacation together for a week so I had to watch the house and fill in some farm duties especially dealing with the farmer's market and such, and then they got back and it was a frantic game of catch-up, and then the Livestock Manager got married so he had a week off before and a week after, prearranged but the amount of work was still the same. And it meant that BIL especially was very overworked and was horribly cranky about it and, I'm not gonna tiptoe around it, was real fuckin mean to specifically me for a bunch of it, so that sucked out loud. And in the midst of all of this there were a couple of events where everybody else was invited to a thing and I had to stay home and cover for the absences. And it all kinda piled up and like, I'm a grown ass woman and can handle not being invited to things but it was a lot of things. And I tried, in the middle there, to celebrate my birthday a little bit? but there wasn't a ton of time, I found out Friday afternoon that I'd be able to have Saturday off, so I did scrape together an expedition for myself to a nearby art museum at least but that was the sum total of it, a flying visit from a friend for which I had like four free hours and then had to return to work, and dude visited for the weekend and I got to spend a couple hours looking at art. That was it.

So I was really tired and really done, and this final week BIL was just like outright shitty to me, yelling at me about things that either 1) went against a policy he'd made up earlier, like using a particular method of cleaning on a particular floor drain which he had specifically told me not to do, clearly changed his mind about, and then was furious i hadn't done, but see I wasn't notified of the mind change there so I didn't know? anyway, or 2) were things that I'm not in charge of and I just happened to be the person closest to him when he noticed that something hadn't been done the way he thought it should have specifically been done today even though there would have been reasons at other times to not do it like that, and in fact in this case later it became useful that it had been done as it was, and-- just anyway. It was stuff normally I'd not be so upset about but at the culmination of this extremely thankless-grinding month I was just distraught.

So I got my work done early enough to leave at midday on Friday. And I did, after lunch I did a tiny bit more work but left the farm before 2pm, absolutely giddy at the thought of getting home to Buffalo in time for dinner.

And traffic was annoyingly heavy on 787, but all was fine and doable and not a problem until some jackass decided to cut into the entrance ramp for the 90 at the last possible second and some even bigger jackass decided that the only way to react to this was by theatrically overreacting by coming to a complete fucking stop and so

well i hit the person in front of me, and the person behind me hit me, and the person behind her hit her, and we all pulled off on the side of the road and had to wait for the cops. My hood was crunched shut, and my exhaust system, already having become noisy from part of a pipe rusting through, snapped clean in half.

But nothing was leaking. And nobody was hurt. The lady in the car behind gave me her number and left, because she had dogs in the car who were likely to overheat in the 90F high humidity, and also recently a woman had been killed on the side of this very road in this very situation and she was too afraid to wait. But the ladies in the car ahead were nice and offered me a drink from their cooler and just seemed tired but not mad, and had already called the cops which was great because I had forgotten how to operate my phone in all the kerfuffle.

So we waited for a state trooper to show up-- and notably, he was actually really nice, very reassuring, understanding of how I was also on the phone with my insurance company (also very nice, and I had to have her on the car speaker because the traffic noise was so much i couldn't hear my phone microphone at all, and I was so distracted I kept being like "you want me to what" and then not hearing the answer-- telling her my license plate number was like the most difficult thing for some reason), and he got us to move our cars to a different off-ramp where there was less traffic, and we filled out all the paperwork and stuff and he gave me directions for how to get back to the westbound interstate. He called the lady from the car behind me, for me, and the two of them explained to me that since there was negligible damage I didn't actually have to report that accident if I didn't want to, and so I was like okay fine let's not even bother, since it has to be a whole separate accident report and none of the damage to my car is from that accident. (Not visibly anyway, though I expect it's probably why the exhaust system did what it did-- still though, not likely to be relevant. Even though surely the accident I did report is going to be determined to be my fault, but this second one wouldn't be-- it wouldn't help anything.)

I took off and immediately realized I wasn't going to be able to drive the car as it was, and helpfully a man pulled up next to me at that light and said "your exhaust system is definitely dragging, do you know about it?" and I said wearily "I was just in an accident so thank you for helping me identify what the problem actually is", and went past the on-ramp into the parking lot of a fire hall right there that happened to also be a pokemon gym in my color. I sat for a moment, put a defender in the gym (thanks, random team instinct person, for having taken that gym half an hour previous, that cheered me up a bunch), and then got out of my car, found a work glove I knew I'd thrown in there, crawled under the car a bit, and tucked the muffler pipe up to sit on top of the catalytic converter so it wouldn't drag on the ground. (I don't know that the glove was necessary but I do know exhaust systems get real fuckin hot so i do recommend gloves if handling any of those parts on a car that's been running lately.)

It worked, it held, and I was like well. Car runs. Hood's all cattywumpus but it's definitely not going to fly open because it's literally crimped shut. Already had some front-end damage on this thing from an accident we mutually decided not to report a couple years back-- very minor but the plastic is cracked and the foglight mount damaged. Well now it's proper fucked, so that's fine. I was going to have to find a mechanic to repair the muffler assemblage anyway, it was already loud as fuck, so now it's just done with the polite fiction of being an exhaust system.

So I walked around the car, open and shut all the doors to make sure they still did, and then got in and got onto the Thruway. Fuck this shit, I was not going to drive back to the farm and then have to rely on a bunch of people of whom I'm slightly tired and who are clearly also slightly tired of me to have to ferry my ass around, and miss my extremely extremely necessary week off of work (because you know if I'm there I'm going to fucking do work on the farm, that's how it works, I have no boundaries).

All I wanted was to see a person (and cat) who actually enjoy my company and want to see me.

So I put in earplugs because the noise was not great, and drove 300 miles, and arrived just before dark, and pulled into the driveway and Chita was so surprised to see me that she came right out to me even though i was still sitting in my car. She doesn't like cars, hates them when they're moving and really doesn't like being in them, but she does like to sit under them when they're off.

[image description: a small gray cat with her paws up on the running board of a blue car, peering in the open driver's side door with motion-blurred interest; the foreground is my bare leg and the hem of my dress and my filthy car floor]

So I'm home, and I have already done all the awkward phone calls, and I was expecting I'd need to call the garage my insurance company has set up to do the assessing (that's how my insurance company does it) but the text of it says they'll call me. i still might call them midmorning today to see if they're open. IDK I don't even care what happens now, I'm home and I've had my own coffee and my cat missed me and my dude missed me and i'll just figure the rest out later.

#about the author #car accidents #not graphic don't worry

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