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d-criss-news · 3 years

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Nine Songs: Darren Criss

When Disney, Phantom Planet and Mr Hudson collide: Glee star, Emmy and Golden Globe winner and musician Darren Criss talks Andrew Wright through the pivotal songs in his life and the unexpected ways they found him.

“When we are younger, our gateway drugs to a lot of popular things don’t come from the sexiest of places. It’s up to you how proactive you want to be with your curiosity from there, and how far down the rabbit hole you want to go, if you go down at all.”

Choosing the songs that define you is a tricky business to say the least, especially when the power of song has provided an ongoing soundtrack to your life. “When you’re as avid a music consumer as musical artists are, trying to pin down Nine Songs is difficult,” Darren Criss laughs. So much so, his final choices only really crystallise as our conversation draws to its close. “It’s hard for me not to see the value and joy in literally everything,” he explains. “The curse of the creative person is that your ideas and your interests always move way faster than your body can execute.”

Criss is a creative par excellence. As well as his Emmy and Golden Globe winning performance in The Assassination of Gianni Versace, where he played serial killer Andrew Cunanan, to his upcoming role in Muppets Haunted Mansion Halloween special as The Caretaker, he’s also a prolific musician. Criss enjoyed a decadent musical consumption since childhood, so “this was a bit of an archaeological dig,” he admits. As such, everything from jazz standards, to 808s, punk rock, ‘90s teen pop, and musical numbers are excavated in the course of our extemporaneous journey through the music he loves.

Equally on his mind is how to go about approaching the task of creating his Nine Songs, full stop. “The interesting social experiment is: Are my answers going to be songs that actually shaped my life and were formative to me as an artist? Are they songs that were formative to me as a human being? Or am I picking songs that I think represent who I am to people that do not know me? All three of those things aren’t necessarily the same thing.”

He reaches a conclusion of sorts. “For the purposes of making some kind of decision, I’m gonna lean less into trying to look cool to your very cool readership, and more into the literal, ‘What made me think about music in a different way? And hit me in a very emotional way?’ I think that’s probably the healthiest route.”

Embracing the accessibility that characterises Criss’ picks - or at times the initial touchpoints that led him to them - are something he vacillates over during our chat. “I’ve seen a lot of other people’s Nine Songs and they’re super cool. It’s like Leonard Cohen B-sides and old opera records and stuff. I’m gonna be pretty honest with the pop culture zeitgeist of how I grew up but explain why there is so much value in those moments.” His contemplation continues into the next day, Criss’s publicist passes on his regrets at being tentative to admit how he encountered one of his song choices via the Shrek soundtrack.

A yearning to reinterpret accessibility and the value attached to it drives Criss, however. He tells me that a festival performance that applied the anarchic verve of punk rock to a more refined Great American Songbook number remoulded his perception of music entirely. His love of the fusion of these two genres in particular symbolises the salient musical backdrops of his childhood - the guitar bands he played in with friends, and his musical theatre endeavours that led him to Broadway and multiple Ryan Murphy juggernauts, including his breakthrough playing Blaine Anderson in Glee.

Criss employs these contrasting musical lexicons, and other areas in between, on Masquerade, his new EP. Comprising five stand-alone “character-driven” singles, it sees Criss donning different musical personas. “I’m leaning into people that might know me as an actor,” he explains. “Because if actors can do Shakespeare, romantic comedy, and then do a horror movie and wear a prosthetic nose and a wig, I didn’t understand why I couldn’t just do that with music.” The song “walk of shame” draws on jazz-standard chords interlaced with hip-hop production, “i can’t dance” looks to new-wave, and “for a night like this” is the product of Criss’ goal to create the ultimate end-of-the-night crowd-pleaser for a new-year bash, wedding or bar mitzvah. “This is all of the parts of me as a lifelong fan of these genres, trying my hand at servicing the pieces of them that I love.”

“I really love all styles of music and understanding what makes them unique and special and what makes them really pop. There are so many things that really make things sing - for lack of a better verb - and I like acknowledging those things and celebrating those things.”

“So, let’s begin. I have runners up and shit, and I have artists, I don’t just have the songs, so we might have to pick them as we go.”

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“Part of Your World” by Jodi Benson

“When people read this, they’ll go ‘That’s cute, he likes Disney songs’, but it’s more profound than that. Some of the most formative pieces of music to hit me at a very early age would have been any of the songs that were coming from ‘The Disney renaissance.’ The early-mid ‘90s explosion of The Little Mermaid, Aladdin and Beauty and The Beast.

"One of the through lines between the three of those musicals was Howard Ashman, who is one of my all-time heroes. Dramaturg, songwriter - he really was the voice behind what made those songs great. I have always loved Howard’s lyrical sensibility and also Alan Menken, his partner who wrote these songs with him. There was a musical structure to a lot of the songs which I would unconsciously pick up in my own songwriting, not just musically, but the idea that not only did somebody make these songs, but they wrote them for a story.

“There’s a clip of Howard Ashman vocal directing Jodi Benson, who was the original voice of Ariel. It’s a wonderful example of his genius, where not only was he songwriting but he was storytelling in the way he would tell her how to perform it, and you can really see the song coming to life in that clip. That’s when you cross the street from ‘It’s a song’ to ‘This is an experience.’

"There are certain ingredients that are required to elevate music that goes beyond just a nice melody, a beautiful orchestration and a good voice. There are things that are required to really give a performance a characterisation, context and a vulnerability, that he architects in real-time with Jodi Benson. You see that what he’s doing is what makes the record so special, and that’s something that’s always been inspiring to me.”

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“MMMBop” by Hanson

“I think my love of Hanson was because some people didn’t like it, so I was like ‘Fuck you, I like this, how do you feel about it?’ But this is difficult for me, because you know, I’m speaking to The Line of Best Fit and we’re trying to be cool! Although, do you know what’s cool? Being accessible! Writing a pop hit when you are 10 years old. Being in a band with your brothers and you’re all below the age of 15, you have a record contract where you are writing, producing and performing songs that are doing well.

“I was 10 years old when their first album Middle of Nowhere came out, and I remember reading somewhere that there were these kids that had a record. At the time, I was playing guitar and I was writing songs, but in my mind I was a kid, and that was it. I couldn’t be on the radio; you had to be a grown up to do this.

"This was the first time where I realised ‘Holy shit, kids can do stuff!’ It’s the value of seeing yourself in the media - that’s a whole other conversation to talk about - but there’s an immense value in feeling like there’s a piece of you out in the zeitgeist and doing well because it’s encouraging. You go, ‘Holy shit, maybe I can do this as well.'

“When you see children doing things, you’re ‘Wow, this is so cute and fabulous’, but then when you actually look at it you go, ‘This is miles above what most people in this age group are capable of,’ and that’s all I saw, because I was in the same age group and I was so inspired by that. This whole album was really a turning point for me, where I was like, ‘I can do this, I can do music too, because these guys can.'

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“Ooh La La” by Faces

“This song really blew my mind. It became my own theme. It’s that ‘Make your heart sing’, nostalgic moment when you’re a teenager, driving in the car listening to it, playing guitar with your friends and you’re singing “I wish that I knew what I know now / When I was younger.” You’re like, ‘because I’m an adult now, I’m 15-years-old. If I only knew what I know now.’

“I was doing theatre from a young age and I was part of a young conservatory called A.C.T. in San Francisco. By way of somebody who knew somebody, I had an audition for a movie. As a kid not being near New York or Los Angeles it was really exciting, and this audition was for a film called ‘Max Fischer’, which would become the movie Rushmore, which would become one of my favourite movies of all time by the now very distinguished Wes Anderson.

“Separate from my own objective love of Wes Anderson, when this movie came out I was just around the age of getting into my own sort of identity with music, but also movies - indie movies - and trying to assert who I was. So, I see this movie Rushmore and I love it. I love the soundtrack, I love it so much, it’s one of my favourite albums ever. This song is the end sequence, and the way it made me feel - the vocals on it, I could play it on guitar and it was part of a cool movie - it really represented a lot in my life.

“And because of the acting thing, and Rushmore being great - it’s about this kid in high-school who's misunderstood but has his own agenda - everything about it was just so fucking cool to me. To this day, I cite that song as one of my favourite records of all time.”

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“Recently Distressed” by Phantom Planet

“A guy that really formed the way I would sing and write songs is Alex Greenwald, the frontman of Phantom Planet. I went to see Phantom Planet because I loved Rushmore and I found out that Jason Schwartzman [who had been cast as Max Fischer] was also the drummer for a band called Phantom Planet.

"So, when I saw their name on the bill I went, but I didn't know their music. I was barely 14, but their set blew my mind. It was Rock and Roll, but I loved Alex Greenwald’s voice. I loved everything, and I would follow their career from there. I always tell people that my voice is a combination of me trying to be Alex Greenwald, Paul McCartney and Rufus Wainwright, but failing. Alex was incredibly formative for me.

“One of their biggest records was a little while after I first saw them, which was the song for The O.C., "California." That was more of an Elvis Costello thing, and they employed a lot of stuff that sounded to me like The Beatles and a lot of ‘60s mod/pop-rock. But later they would employ things from Fugazi, Radiohead and harder shit, and that eclecticism, again, only accelerated my love for Phantom Planet.

“Recently Distressed” is from their 1998 album Phantom Planet Is Missing. This was a cool rock song that employed these George [Harrison] and Paul [McCartney] background vocals and included all of the things that I loved. It was harder but melodic and employed minor 4th chords and more complicated chords than I was used to. I had grown up with power chords - which are very Gregorian - on a lot of alt. punk rock, like Green Day or Nirvana, and if Kurt Cobain was using power chords then that’s how I was playing guitar. Hearing this music was like ‘Oh, I’m using full chords, not sevenths, minor 4th chords, diminished chords’, shit that I would learn to use more and more.

“When you haven’t experienced much, anything that gives a hint towards possibility, even though it’s probably always been there, you’re like, ‘I like this, I’ve always kind of liked this, but it’s very encouraging to hear somebody else do it and it’s gonna make me reconsider my possibilities.’ That was literally the moment that my power chords turned into full barre chords.”

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“Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk” by Rufus Wainwright

“I forgot the other day how I got into Rufus Wainwright, because all of this stuff I was getting into quite young. It’s like when I talk to 11-13 year olds, it’s funny to think that this was when I was really starting to build my musical identity. But then I remembered, and I didn’t want to say because I didn’t want to sound uncool, because he is such a revered artist who exists in a much cooler place than what I’m about to say.

“I loved soundtracks and I would always buy soundtracks for movies that had cool playlists. I had the Shrek soundtrack, and there’s a cover of Leonard Cohen’s seminal “Hallelujah” that Rufus does and he smashes it, and I’m like, ‘Who the fuck is Rufus Wainwright? What a beautiful voice.’ Then I saw that he was going to be at the Virgin Megastore in San Francisco one week, so I go and he’s there promoting his new album Poses. I remember I didn’t have enough money to buy the album that day, so I had him sign my sneaker and I saved that shoe.

“The first song on Poses was “Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk”, which is a very dark and reflective song about his own battles with addiction, but he’s singing it over this really beautiful, whimsical song that has a lot of really great wordplay. I always love when artists, especially lyricists, can encapsulate an idea with not exactly what they’re talking about. The song’s called “Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk”, it’s not called “Addiction”. Its talking about things that he craved and how that’s representative of other things that he’s gone through. There was a sophistication and elegance to that that I really gravitated towards, that I didn’t possess but wanted to shoot for. So when I saw him, that was a big one for me and he would also continue to influence me later in my life.

“I’ve become friends with Rufus since. I’ve performed with him and we’ve made records together, which is crazy. His songwriting was very complex and punk-rock, but he had this classic cabaret voice, the kind of voice that I don’t have. I was fascinated that there was somebody that could write this really dark material but have such elegance on top of it. He was virtuosic on the piano, which I thought was very cool because musicianship is always the thing that gets me going the most about artists.

“You know what? People say, ‘Don’t meet your heroes.' I completely disagree. Chase the living fuck out of your heroes. I’ve spent a lifetime doing so, it’s made me a better artist, and I’ve sometimes got to meet them and work with them. I’ve worked on music with Alex Greenwald of Phantom Planet. I’ve performed with Hanson. I’ve performed those Disney songs with Alan Menken at The Hollywood Bowl.

"This is all because there are people that I love who I have put on my vision board, and the things that they have done are the things that are bringing me to them. So it is nuts, but at the same time you’re like, ‘Well, what else did you think would happen?’ They did stuff that some part of me connected with, so obviously there’s a magnetic pull towards that person.

“Rufus Wainwright is one of my absolute favourite artists of all time and like I said, me trying to sing like him and failing is a big part of my own journey as an artist.”

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“3x5” by John Mayer

“John Mayer’s another guy that came around when I was 15. I heard a song of his on a middle-of-the-night, singer/songwriter college radio show. This is where I used to get music. You would listen to these carefully curated playlists that you wouldn’t be able to hear anywhere else, and the host played “No Such Thing”, a new song by this young kid who had just dropped out of Berklee College of Music - John Mayer.

“I’m listening to this song and I’m like, ‘Not only is this guitar playing really interesting, but the lyrical value and everything that is going on here ticks all the boxes.' It was jazz, but it was pop. And he did something that all these other guys and girls I’ve mentioned did. They made something very unique and very accessible.

“I immediately went out to buy this album, Room For Squares, and I listened to it over and over again. It was an album that was really formative for me. "3x5” is a really beautiful song that employs a lot of chord structures and melodies that blew my fucking mind at the time, and it made me wish that I could write songs like that.

“That album was a huge turning point in the way I played the guitar, because it was the first time in my life where I would look up tabs. Up until this point in my life, if I heard a song I could play it instantly. It was like a party trick, I would get how it worked if I heard it, because most of the songs I would hear on the radio - especially those that involved a guitar - were [centred around] power chords. And now I’m hearing all of these ninth chords and thirteenths, and I’m like, ‘What the fuck is this?’ So I’d have to look up tabs.

“I think any young artist can attest to this - when you try and learn other people’s shit, it’s the best tool for educating yourself. Playing other people’s music really helps you lock in what your own style is. Trying to learn these songs - and sometimes pulling it off and sometimes not - really changed the way that my hands moved around the guitar and considered chords and voicings that I’d never really thought of.

“There’s another tie to musical theatre here, where I remember seeing Audra McDonald, who is a very venerated theatre actor, and she did a cabaret. If you’re familiar with cabaret culture, it’s more about performing the story of the songs – ‘Life is a cabaret’. She did a John Mayer song because she thought it was from a musical theatre show, and I was so tickled by this, because I was like ‘Yeah, if you really think about it, I don’t think he knows this and I don’t think his fan base even thinks about this, but there’s a number of his songs that feel very theatrical in the way that the lyrics play with each other and the way the chords move’.

"When I saw this I thought, ‘That is why I like John Mayer’, because yes, he’s an amazing guitar player, but he’s also a really strong songwriter.”

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“Cabaret” by Me First and the Gimme Gimmes

“Also, around this time growing up in San Francisco, as a guitar player playing music with your buddies, the number one thing that you play is punk rock. There are different parts of the spectrum of punk rock, there's the NOFX, Swingin’ Utters, like real punk, punk. And then there’s the pop-punk thing that was happening at the same time, which was also equally influential - blink-182 and Green Day.

“Fat Mike was the frontman of NOFX. I loved NOFX, and Me First and the Gimme Gimmes were a supergroup of different members from different punk bands, of which Fat Mike was one of the main architects. They would cover songs and turn them into punk rock songs. They have an album of hits from the ‘60s, and they also have an album called Me First and the Gimme Gimmes: Are a Drag, and that record is just a tonne of musical theatre covers that are done through punk rock.

“That was completely in line with everything I loved at this time of my life but didn’t really know how to articulate. I loved punk rock but I also really loved musical theatre. Not only the performative element of it, but there was a real musicality to musical theatre that wasn’t as present in some of the other shit that was popular at the time, just harmonically, or where chords would go. There was a sophistication I loved that seemed to not exist in punk rock.

“Then hearing Fat Mike at The Warped Tour going ‘Alright, which one of you Motherfuckers loves Julie Andrews?’ and hearing a mixed bag of reactions, because people were ‘What? I was not expecting that from you, sir?’ And then they start playing “My Favourite Things”, a classic Rodgers and Hammerstein song which is very accessible, but sophisticated nonetheless. And I am just living. I’m like, ‘This has got the attitude and simplicity of punk rock, but the sophistication of a beautiful song.’

“That was the first time in my life where I went, ‘It’s just all music. All these categories and boxes are completely arbitrary.’ So I thought, ‘I can do that.' I was playing power chords in punk bands but I realised that you can take chords and make them into other rhythms and voicings and have the same song. I could take a punk song and make it jazz. I could take a jazz song and make it country. So, quite providentially, I would end up on Glee, where they took popular songs and would sometimes do their own versions.

“By that point, I had been doing this my whole life. The first time this ever became a possibility for me was seeing Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, and that way of thinking about music and genre. I’ve put that into Masquerade, and it’s all born from that moment of ‘Oh my God, nothing has to be one thing. It’s just about how you look at it.'

“Cabaret” is from a pretty famous musical that I would’ve probably heard about later in life, but I first heard that song as a punk song and then I went back and heard the original. It doesn’t matter how these things happen, the inspiration happens and then you can go from there. But Me First and The Gimme Gimmes were a huge gateway drug and I play “Cabaret” now every year at my festival. That’s why the festival is called Elsie Fest, because it covers the song.”

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“Modern Nature” by Sondre Lerche

“One of the great joys of being a younger brother is that you get to inherit the music of your elders. My brother and I were both really proactive consumers of music, so we would share stuff with each other all the time. But then he would come home from college, which is like coming home from a music festival essentially, right? He was in a new time zone with new people, so he’d bring home these mix CDs that he’d made from people that he’d heard about, and he brings home this guy named Sondre Lerche.

“Hearing this guy blew my mind, because he also was using jazz chords and drawing on musical theatre. Musical theatre’s a massive category, so I can’t just say that musical theatre sounds like one thing, but when I say this, I’m referring to The American Songbook, the jazz standard songbook. “Modern Nature” was a duet that I would go on to play many times with one of my oldest musical collaborators, Charlene Kaye. When we got to college and we both found out that we loved this guy.

“There was a much more whimsical way to how he wrote these songs. And what’s crazy is that loving this guy meant that we also loved Rufus Wainwright, that we also loved these other artists. But Sondre was the first time I considered that I loved that type of music, but I didn’t know that you could be a singer/songwriter and put out music that sounded like it.

“I don’t know if ‘twee’ is the right word to use, but with “Modern Nature” there was a playfulness about it, and again, a musicality that I really gravitated towards. There is a through line - there was a sophistication that was accessible, and me trying to learn those songs did make me rethink the way that I was writing music. The structures were weird and different and I liked that.

“To this day, I find myself writing songs that I think might be difficult for people to ingest, because they’re a little too left of centre, and I realise that I’m trying to write like Sondre Lerche, or I’m unconsciously just copying him.”

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“Everything Happens to Me” by Mr Hudson & The Library

“I was in an H&M in Stockholm when I was 21, and I heard this really cool groove and the lyric was “Why must I always play the clown?” It was sung with a really thick British accent, had an 808 feel on it, and lyrically it had an attitude. Who would say something that sounds so like you’re in a Gilbert & Sullivan musical, but it feels hard? It was cool.

“I went home and looked this up and it was off the record A Tale of Two Cities by Mr Hudson and the Library, which would really, really fuck me up. I bought the album immediately because I loved this song. I had to order it on the internet because I couldn’t find it. It was doing well in England and he was on the festival circuit in the early-mid 2000s, but the first song on the album was a musical theatre cover with 808s.

“It was a pared-down, sort of a hip-hop version of “On The Street Where You Live” from My Fair Lady, and I’m like ‘No fucking way, this guy gets where my head is.’ I’d thought about punk rock musical theatre, but I never thought about 808s and 909s scoring these beautiful songs. I go down the track list and he has “Everything Happens to Me”, which is another very famous standard, and he had this really cool, what we would now call chill-hop, ‘study beats’ version of this song. I was like, ‘This is it. This guy gets that good music is good music and you can reinterpret it to offer it as a new song.’

“I would later become great friends with Mr Hudson. I got to meet him years later when I was with Columbia Records, and they said to me ‘Who do you want to meet?’ He was at the top of my list. I went to London and we’ve been friends ever since and have created all kinds of music together.

“He told me a story where Tyler the Creator went up to him once at Coachella and said, ‘Oh man, “Everything Happens To Me”, that’s like my song.’ We both wondered if Tyler the Creator knew that it was a Chet Baker cover. And we were thinking how cool it is that you can offer these songs to a new audience through a different lens. Tyler’s a smart guy, he’s very cultured, and I’m sure he did know. But it’s more the idea that if someone experienced this song and didn’t know that it was a cover, and this is like the first time they ever get to experience it.

“Mr Hudson would go on to do his own thing with Kanye and was on 808s & Heartbreak and has had his own career. I think “Supernova” was a hit in the UK, it didn’t really cross over here to The States, but before that moment for him, that Mr Hudson and The Library album changed my life. People use that phrase willy-nilly, but this literally was a turning point in my life. It all had to do with the same thing that happened with these other songs, where I saw someone do what I always wanted to do but didn’t really know how to pull off. Where he had this fusing of old songs delivered through a contemporary lens, but also laced it with his own original material that also employed the things that made that old songwriting interesting.

“It’s like changing the font of a great essay but finding the font and figuring out that that font is its own art form. He really displayed that marvellously on this.”

The Masquerade EP is out now

#darren criss #the line of best fit #press #sept 2021

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gointothevvater · 3 years

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Her full profile is finally here! Seven pages of information! I may have gone down the rabbit hole just a tiny bit!

St. Cecilia Jameson

Gender: Cis female

Status: Alive

Occupation: Singer for British rock band Stiletto ("Like the knife or like the shoe?" "Yes.")

Family: Elizabeth Robinson, née Wallis (Mother), Bryony Robinson (Older half-sister), Esme Robinson, née Davies (Grandmother, deceased), Herakles Zafeiriou (Biological father, though she's never met him), Evander Zafeiriou (Older half-brother, who she's also never met, though they've exchanged family photos and stories via email)

Voiced by: Florence Pugh (Speaking), Lzzy Hale (Singing)

Age: A few months younger than Pickles

Date of birth: December 15 (Sagittarius)

Place of birth: Oxford, England

Birth name: Felicity Robinson (Initially, only Sammy knows this, though the rest of SnB learns it at Esme's funeral)

Nicknames: Ceelie (By Pickles and Sammy, mostly, though the Dethklok boys pick it up eventually), Star (By Magnus), princess (By Skwisgaar)

Ethnicity: Half English, half Greek (Though she's unaware of the latter for most of her life)

Height: Five-foot-one

Sexuality: Bisexual

Relationship status: It's complicated. It's always complicated. She's unlucky in love.

Current location: London, England

Appearance: St. Cecilia is a petite woman (She's half a head shorter than Pickles!) with golden skin and long white-blonde hair, which she wears in a high ponytail. She has thick, dark brows and bright brown eyes (Skwisgaar says she has "wolf eyes"). She has three white marigolds tattooed on each shoulder, a labret piercing, and a vertical collarbone piercing at the hollow of her throat. Her ears are pierced three times each, in which she wears two silver hoops and a silver stud on each side, and she has a small black star beneath each eye. She has a Christina piercing, nipple piercings, and a belly button piercing. She has a No Time For Antivenom tattoo on her sternum, and a European robin tattoo at the back of her neck. Along her spine, she has a tattoo reading "to thine own self be true." She has a shitty stick-and-poke crown tattooed behind her right ear. She has a pear body type, with wide hips, a small chest, and an even smaller waist (Nathan can encircle her waist with his hands). She typically wears a black muscle shirt, ripped dark jeans, heavy boots, black driving gloves, and a studded black leather collar with a D-ring at the front. She also wears a Gibson pearl guitar pick on a necklace, which was given to her by Pickles when they first started dating in the 80s. She wears a silver cuff on each ear, and her tongue is pierced with a simple silver stud.

During flashbacks to the Snakes N' Barrels era, she's shown with darker blonde hair cut in a mullet style, and only her labret and ear piercings, plus one on the right side of her nose. She wears a cropped white tank, with high-waisted jeans and black Converse sneakers. She wears mismatched armbands, one black, one striped, and the same collar she wears in the present.

Her more casual look consists of a black button-up shirt with the sleeves pushed up, which she wears tucked into a pair of leather pants. She wears pumps instead of boots, and her hair is twisted up in a clip. She keeps her collar, but doesn't wear the pick necklace or her ear cuff, and she switches her hoop earrings for studs. She doesn't apply her stars.

For fancier occasions, she wears a black dress with spaghetti straps and a very short, flared skirt, black opera gloves and black strap pumps. She, as always, wears her collar with it, and she pulls her hair into a high bun.

Personality: St. Cecilia is cocky, witty, and teasing, but ultimately good-natured. She's a bit selfish and stubborn, but she does everything with 110% effort, hoping to impress people, even if she winds up getting hurt in the process. She'll do literally anything for validation. To say she's vain would be an understatement. She's something of a coquette who flirts with both men and women, and is she has a tendency to "think with her dick," as Tony once put it. She's slow to anger, but quick to jealousy, and she holds grudges for far too long. She's the playful type, but it's largely in a chill way. She's an obvious extrovert, and the role as frontman for Stiletto came very naturally.

Skills & Hobbies: St. Cecilia writes good poetry, great song lyrics, and terrible erotica. She likes plants and is quite the chess player (Though she hasn't managed to beat Charles even once), which she learned during her school days. She also learned to fence, ride horses, and speak fluent Latin there.

Musical Talents: She's a classically trained singer (When she was little, she was part of her church's choir), and she writes most of the song lyrics and some of the music for her band, Stiletto. In Snakes N' Barrels, she played lead guitar on a white Jackson Pro Series Rhoads RR3, but during their reunion concert, she plays a more modern Gibson Explorer '76 Reissue 2010 Cherry. She took piano lessons for several years as a child, and she's still pretty good. Nothing outstanding, but if Stiletto needs to incorporate a piano into a song, she's perfectly capable of playing it herself.

Relationships:

-Pickles the Drummer: Their relationship is a complicated one. They've known each other for ages, and they've been together through the highest highs and the lowest lows, all the way down to rock bottom. She partially blames him for her late teens and early twenties being the fiasco they were, and she cut off contact with him for a long time after the SnB breakup. During the run of the show itself, the two reconcile somewhat and even become more or less friends before Abigail shows up and things start to crumble again. They have a hard time admitting it, but there's love between them, and there has been for a long time. They're both afraid to try getting together again, though, as there's a mutual fear of the relationship ending as it did the first time, with them hating each other again. They're back together at the end of Doomstar, but there's no way of telling if the love between them is enough to keep them together or if they'll just fall apart all over again.

-Magnus Hammersmith: They were more off-and-on than anything, but they were together for years, even though quite a bit of it was long-distance. It wasn't supposed to be a serious thing. It was just supposed to be a quick fuck. Then it was supposed to be a performance to annoy Pickles, but Magnus quickly realized that St. Cecilia's feelings for Pickles were too strong for her to be any use to him in his revenge plot. The basis of their bond formed because they understood each other on a level they've never known with anyone else: Former Snakes N' Barrels guitarist St. Cecilia Jameson and former Dethklok guitarist Magus Hammersmith both understand on a fundamental level what it's like to be left behind and forgotten. Magnus caught a bit of feelings, and when Roy Cornickelson's funeral came around, Magnus warned St. Cecilia not to attend. It was their last interaction, and it forever cast him in a positive light for her, even after she learned what he was doing with the Metal Masked Assassin.

-Nathan Explosion: They get along pretty well. Their first meeting was at a singers-only Crystal Mountain party, and they ended the evening with a quickie in the coatroom. He wrote a song about the encounter, but Pickles never figured out that it was about St. Cecilia, which Nathan thinks is just the funniest thing. He mostly sees St. Cecilia as one of the guys once she meets with Dethklok again for the SnB reunion. It's a "been there, done that" kind of deal. She's not brutal, but she's funny and she's fun, and goddamn, is she pretty, and they would absolutely hang out if they could get their schedules to line up.

-Skwisgaar Skwigelf: St. Cecilia is nothing short of enchanted by Skwisgaar. It's not a crush, exactly, but she has a huge amount of admiration for him. They've practiced together a time or two, but she's a little rusty and winds up with her fingers bleeding because her calluses have gone soft. He tends to tease her over her soft hands. A guitar god, he tells her, can't have hands like a princess. His calling her “princess” becomes a bit of a thing for them. The two of them often have brunch together, talking shit and drinking. She's good for him; He's never had a female friend before.

-Toki Wartooth: Within the series itself, St. Cecilia hasn't given Toki much thought. He's cute, but he's just sorta there. His incident during the SOBERTOWN USA concert really scared her, and she more or less avoids him after that. Post-DSR, though, their relationship changes. He, like her, was hurt by Magnus, and even with him dead, Toki misses him terribly. St. Cecilia misses him, too. As sad as it is, this becomes their common ground. Their other connection, odd as it sounds, is pole dancing. St. Cecilia does it for exercise, and Toki did it for money, and they often compete to see who's better on the pole.

-William Murderface: St. Cecilia actually has a begrudging fondness for Murderface. He's awful, but he's also pretty funny, and she likes to hear him talk about knives and medieval weaponry, as her family home is full of such things. They clash over things, of course, but she likes being around him more often than not.

-Charles Offdensen: St. Cecilia really likes Charles, actually. He's basically the only person on the show who's really "on her level" class-wise. He attended Harvard, and she attended Oxford, so they have a great deal to talk about. They play a lot of chess and fence on occasion, and if it weren't for her feelings for Pickles and his obligation to the Church, they just might have gotten together.

-Dick Knubbler: They're friends, in a way. She thinks he's kind of a weirdo, but he knows how to have a good time, so as long as he isn't hitting on her, she likes being around him.

-Abigail Remeltincdrinc: They became friends mostly due to the fact that they were both women in the music industry (And both working for Crystal Mountain) and supporting each other seemed the right thing to do. Abigail getting involved with Dethklok and catching Pickles's attention quickly became a sore spot, and they drifted apart after that. After DSR, things got even worse. Abigail, naturally, is glad that Magnus is gone, while St. Cecilia is devastated by the loss. They had something of a falling-out over it, and they haven't really spoken since.

-Edgar Jomfru: Despite being very different people, St. Cecilia really enjoys Edgar's company. He merely tolerates her at first, but she grows on him, to the point where they're legitimately friends come Doomstar. The two of them often have lunch together on the roof of Mordhaus so they can get some fresh air.

-Family: St. Cecilia's family consists of her mother, Elizabeth, her older sister, Bryony, and her now-deceased grandmother, Esme. St. Cecilia has a very formal, cold relationship with her mother, and she has no desire to change that. As far as she's concerned, her mother doesn't deserve to have a good relationship with her. St. Cecilia adores Bryony, though. Though Elizabeth brags about her, Bryony remains modest and is very close with her sister because of it. Though there's seven years between them, they may as well be twins. Esme, who passed away in 1993, was more of a mother to St. Cecilia than Elizabeth ever was, and St. Cecilia still misses her terribly. She was a big part of getting SnB off the ground, and the boys even came to her funeral.

-Snakes N' Barrels: St. Cecilia adores all the boys, of course, but Sammy is the only one she really kept in touch with after the breakup. He was her favorite long before Pickles joined. There was a pregnancy scare not long after the band took off that somehow, against all odds, brought the two of them even closer. Sammy was St. Cecilia's first love. Her relationships with Tony and Snazz were much more professional, though none of them were anywhere near professional. The crown tattoo behind her right ear was done by Tony on a drunken night in, and it was too good a night for her to even consider covering it or getting it removed.

-Stiletto: She gets along with them all quite well! She's known Niamh McLoughlin, their bassist, the longest, and their friendship dates back to their school days. Lex Clarke and Priyanka Dayal, the drummer and the guitarist respectively, came as a package deal, as they've been more or less married for years. St. Cecilia adores them and the sweetness of their relationship. She's a little envious of them, actually, though she would never say so.

History:

-Childhood: St. Cecilia was born in Oxford, England to Elizabeth Robinson. She was raised more or less at her family's girls-only boarding school, away from her mother. When she was fourteen, she fell off a horse during an equestrian class and badly injured her shoulder. She was one of the popular girls during her school days, up until she hit fifteen and decided that she was no longer a child and had a right to demand respect from her emotionally distant mother. She quit the piano lessons she had been taking for several years and took up the guitar, though it aggravated her injured shoulder and even as a teen, she developed a dependence on painkillers. This rebellious period stretched until she was sixteen and ran away with the help of her grandmother. St. Cecilia was given her name just before she left, so it would be easier for her to hide, as well as a hefty sum to tide her over until she could get herself settled. She was only in LA for a few weeks before she met Sammy at a bar where the SnB prototype band was playing. Naturally, Snazz and Tony weren't thrilled with the idea of Sammy's kinda-sorta-girlfriend trying to become their lead guitarist, and when Snazz disparagingly referred to St. Cecilia as Yoko, she broke his nose (How could he have not expected violence when a Beatles-loving British girl was called such a horrible thing?). This earned their respect and is an event that they laugh about to this day.

-Snakes n' Barrels era: St. Cecilia stuck with the band for several months before they found Pickles, and she was smitten with him the moment she heard him sing. Esme was an important source of financial support during their formative years. The band made it big after not too long, and they all grew quite close. St. Cecilia ended up in an ill-fated off-and-on relationship with Pickles as time went on, and to this day she doesn't remember the first time she told him she loved him. It wasn't long after his first OD and his following stint in rehab that she told him, and they were both drunk in celebration of his release. His tolerance, even post-rehab, was far higher than hers, though, and he remembers, though he sometimes hates that he does. Though there was genuine love between them, the stress of the band and both of their substance abuse problems drove a wedge between not only the couple, but also the entire band. Coupled with Pickles fucking groupies behind St. Cecilia's back and St. Cecilia's becoming a rather serious Vicodin addict to combat the pain in her injured shoulder, the band was doomed. Pickles came to see St. Cecilia off on her flight back to England, saying he would meet her there when his next residuals check came in, but he never made it, and they didn't speak to each other for years afterward. It hurt, but St. Cecilia supposed it was for the best. A clean break, and all that.

-Preklok: After SnB broke up, St. Cecilia returned to Oxford, staying with Bryony in their mother's guest house as she tried to figure out her next move. Despite her gift for writing lyrics, she had no talent for writing books, and that idea quickly went down the drain. She still received a large amount of money in residuals, but she was reduced to a mere socialite, though it mostly agreed with her. At her mother's insistence, she attended a few classes at Oxford University. She absolutely loved it. In 1992, Esme passed away. St. Cecilia only told Sammy about it, but he took the initiative and brought Pickles, Tony and Snazz with him to the funeral. St. Cecilia was initially pissed, but she really appreciated the support. That was the only time she saw Pickles between SnB's breakup and their reunion concert. He was devastated when her parting words to him were "I love you with everything I am, but I never wanna see you again." In the mid-90s, she posed for an issue of Playboy, and Pickles has a copy of the issue tucked away somewhere. It wasn't until 1998, when she moved to a little flat in London, that St. Cecilia reunited with her school friend Niamh and the idea of Stiletto came about. They found Priyanka and Lex at an open mic night at one of the local clubs, and they hit it off, both as friends and as bandmates. They played at many clubs and pubs, and they were soon found by a scout at another open mic night. They signed with the UK branch of Crystal Mountain Records and were assigned the surly but efficient Melinda Glasscock as their manager, and within three years, Stiletto was huge, due in part to St. Cecilia's residual fame from Snakes N' Barrels. Their first tour was through Europe, but the second came to America, where St. Cecilia met Magnus in a bar post-show. They got on really well, and she invited him to her hotel room for the night. They exchanged numbers and got quite close over time, with her even flying him out to London from time to time so they could hang out. Magnus knew who she was from the start, and while he planned to use her feelings for Pickles to get her on his side, that soon faded and he came to genuinely like her. She wouldn't learn who he was until later on. A few years before canon, she had a quickie with Nathan in a coat room at a singers-only part at Crystal Mountain records, and he used the fact that she couldn't fit her mouth around his dick as inspiration for Dethklok's infamous song "Glasgow Smile."

-Season 1:

-St. Cecilia's first mention within the confines of canon is during Performance Klok, when Pickles mentions he hasn't been in a serious relationship since the '80s despite the fact that he would certainly thrive under such attention.

-She first appears in Snakes N' Barrels, during the documentary the Dethklok is watching. The guys are a little critical when they (Save Nathan, who's known for a long time) learn that part of SnB's downfall was due to Pickles's failed relationship with St. Cecilia. There's some comedic nonsense talk about fucking one's guitarist before Pickles goes to speak with Charles. Though St. Cecilia is working on an album with Stiletto when she's asked to go the reunion, she manages to push through and finish in time, though she arrives nearly late. She finds Pickles backstage, and when he sweeps in to kiss her, she pulls away a bit, saying they can't do this, as she's spoken for. She lets him hold her close, though. The rest of Dethklok finds them like that, and St. Cecilia excuses herself to go find Sammy, Tony and Snazz. There's some talk about Pickles not leaving Dethklok, which he says he won't, but they're rather worried after catching him with St. Cecilia in his arms. Meanwhile, she manages to find the boys, and they meet with Pickles backstage. While the boys partake of the Totally Awesome Sweet Alabama Liquid Snake, St. Cecilia doesn't, as she once humiliated herself by passing out on stage and doesn't wish to repeat the incident. She presses a kiss to Pickles's palm before they go on stage, an old ritual that they were never able to shake. What happens is far worse than someone just passing out, and she and Pickles leave the stage amidst the chaos while the medical Klokateers take care of the boys and see them off to the hospital. It's a disaster. She's embarrassed and angry, and she turns down Pickles's offer of a ride home and calls someone instead, as she didn't get her money converted and can't pay for a cab. This someone turns out to be the man who's claimed her, Magnus, and Pickles is none too happy about it. He tries to stop her from going with him, but it doesn't work.

-She isn't seen in Dethkids, but she is mentioned. When Pickles starts drinking harder than usual, he finally gives in to the urge to call her, to talk about how Sammy and Snazz and Tony are doing, and to tell her that she should steer clear of Magnus. He's so drunk, though, that she barely has even an idea of what he's talking about.

-Offscreen, but somewhere between the two SnB episodes, Magnus and St. Cecilia abruptly break up. She has a feeling something was going on with him, but his sudden disappearance really hurt her. They had been together off and on for years, after all. A few weeks before he left, he bought her a little pink knife and showed her how to use it, just in case he wasn't around to protect her. When he left, he left his guitar behind, and she still has it as of Doomstar.

-Season 2:

-She's mentioned by Seth in Dethwedding, though only as "that British chick" he thought Pickles would eventually have married. Pickles nearly decks him for even mentioning her.

-St. Cecilia's next appearance is in Snakes N' Barrels II. In part one, during the advertisement for the SOBERTOWN USA concert, she's missing from the band lineup, and Pickles is both relieved and a little concerned by her absence.

-In SnB II part two, Nathan, Skwisgaar and Toki find her among the crowd at the SOBERTOWN USA concert. Nathan asks if she wasn't invited to play, but she says that she was: She just didn't think it was right to play without Pickles. Realizing that Pickles is sneaking around backstage, she leaves to go find him and try to keep him from doing something he'll regret. She only finds him just as Tony, Snazz and Sammy start freaking out, and she only just manages to keep Pickles from killing Rikki Kixx, though she honestly doesn't mind the thought of him dead. She pulls Pickles away from the stage, where he calls the Klokateers to take care of Sammy, Snazz and Tony, and she sets to icing down his bruised knuckles. She tells him that she and Magnus broke up, and he's thoroughly pleased about it: She's too good for him, anyway. That irritates her a bit, but she tells him to call her sometime, though she insists he do it when he's not drunk off his ass.

-Season 3:

-Ironically, when Pickles calls her in Dethhealth to inform her that he's dying, he's in fact drunk again. She wants to go to Mordhaus to see him, but he tells her to stay where she is, as he doesn't want her seeing him like that, though she's seen him at rock bottom as it is. At the end of the episode, he's drunker and higher than ever, but he calls her again to let her know he's all right. She can't understand him, though, so he puts Nathan on to explain. She’s thoroughly relieved, but she’s still considering going to Mordhaus to see him. She implores of Nathan, "Take care of him, all right?"

-Offscreen, in the time between Dethhealth and Dethmas, Pickles goes to London for a while to appease St. Cecilia, and to their mutual surprise, it's not really all that different from how it was when they were actually together. There's lots of cuddling and kissing and great sex and just... Hanging out. It's easy for them to be together. They have their share of problems, but the old spark between them is still there. Pickles is honestly a little scared of that: What if he falls for her all over again just for her to break his heart like she did last time? The fact that she has Magnus's guitar makes him doubly suspicious. He starts drinking harder than ever to drown out the thoughts of her.

-In Rehabklok, when Pickles's drinking is brought to the attention of the band and he's sent to rehab, he tries for a while to blame it on St. Cecilia. She broke his heart, and he drinks to cope. It makes perfect sense, until he starts to really think about it and realizes that he's equally at fault for how their relationship (And also SnB) fell apart. He realizes, after many years, that he hurt her as badly as she hurt him. And that makes him feel even worse. He talks the doctor into letting him call her to apologize, but it doesn't go well: She's a little offended that he would even consider blaming her for his drinking, given he was a drunk long before they met. "Is that what I am to you now? An excuse to get drunk and act a fool?" Not long after that, Pickles realizes the real cause for his drinking.

-Just before Charles goes to speak to the UN in Doublebookedklok, he calls St. Cecilia and cryptically asks her if she speaks Latin. She owes him a favor for getting her out of some legal trouble, so she can't really refuse. Several months before, she punched a scummy paparazzo who called Magnus washed-up, and Charles used his reeducation program to keep those involved from pressing charges or damaging St. Cecilia's reputation.

-Season 4:

-In Fanklok, before Charles meets with the band to discuss Klokikon, he welcomes St. Cecilia to Mordhaus and presents her with an ancient-looking journal that belonged to Aurelius Isambard, one of the original prophets of the Church of the Black Klok. She's taken down to the basement, where she's introduced to Edgar Jomfru, and gets to work.

-In Diversityklok, after he's spoken to Edgar, Charles speaks to St. Cecilia. He finds her engrossed, but thoroughly worried. She asks if this is real, and she's even more worried when he tells her it is.

-Offscreen, St. Cecilia has been hard at work translating the journal, and she's come to a passage that seems to describe the growing tension between the band. It also mentions an approaching star, and she takes to sitting on the roof at night to observe the sky.

-In Prankklok, when Pickles tells Nathan that he's not allowed to drink any tequila during their friender-bender, Nathan tells him he can't visit St. Cecilia when they stop in London. Pickles reluctantly agrees. Not long after, we see Pickles on his phone, though, debating on calling her just before he notices the storm warning.

-Offscreen, St. Cecilia approaches Charles about a phrase repeated over and over in the journal: Fata sidus oritur, the star of fate is born.

-After Charles breaks the news about Ice Festival to Skwisgaar in Bookklok, he goes to speak with St. Cecilia and Edgar in the basement. She's tacked two star maps to the wall: One from the previous week and one from the previous night. There's a spot near the center of the first map that seems bigger on the second one. She looks like the world is ending when she tells him it's the Doomstar. It's real. It's coming? When? Soon, she says. Far too soon.

-When Charles tells the boys he's going out of town in Dethcamp, it's to take St. Cecilia to an observatory, where they meet with Ishnifus and spend a few days tracking the Doomstar's movement as it comes closer and closer to Earth.

-In Going Downklok, when Pickles shows up all decked out for his meeting with Abigail, Nathan is quick to ask, "Don't you have a girlfriend?" Pickles insists he doesn't; He and St. Cecilia was hurt and angry the last time they spoke. On top of that, he believes she's all the way in London, and Abigail is right there.

-Offscreen, between Dethdinner and Breakup Klok, St. Cecilia is tagged in the video of Pickles leaving Dethklok by a drunken Toki. She's incredibly hurt. Pickles has nothing, he said. She, apparently, is nothing.

-In Breakup Klok, Pickles tries to call St. Cecilia to invite her to his wine tasting, but she refuses to answer and sends him straight to voicemail. Towards the end of the episode, after the escape from Salacia, Charles requests a check-up on Edgar and St. Cecilia back at Mordhaus, and Pickles is stunned and angry to learn that she's been more or less within arm's reach for months. Had he known, he's certain things would have been different-- He wouldn't have tried to make a move on Abigail and he wouldn't have fucked up his chance to get back with St. Cecilia again.

-Offscreen, St. Cecilia speaks to Charles about staying at a hotel for a few days, just until Roy Cornickelson's funeral, after which she'll return to Mordhaus and her translation work. The day of the funeral, though, she receives a call from Magnus telling her she absolutely cannot attend, as he can't guarantee her safety. It's the last time she has contact with him before his death. We also see her watching the news about Dethklok's breakup and the insinuation that Abigail caused it, and St. Cecilia chucks a bottle at the TV, mirroring Pickles's actions in SnB II.

-In Church of the Black Klok, St. Cecilia is fetched from the hotel by Klokateers and taken to the Dethsub, where she meets with Charles, pointedly ignores Pickles, and goes to work with Edgar instead.

-The Doomstar Requiem:

-In "One of Us Must Die," St. Cecilia can be seen on one of the slides, staring up into the sky with Isambard's journal held to her chest. Towards the end of the song, reading from the book, she sings, "Dethklok, they must be rejoined/Evil, it must be destroyed/No more apathetic stoics/They can learn to be heroic/Write the song that will be our salvation..."

-In "Training," while carrying the journal, she sings the lyrics, "As the prophecy foretold, the Doomstar has been born/And you all will be endowed with a power known to none." Nathan, Skwisgaar and Murderface are looking at the art of the Prophecy, but Pickles is watching her. Ishnifus places a hand upon her shoulder, and they sing together, "The Deth lights are within you all waiting to be woken/And when the five are united, the evil will be broken," in a show of solidarity.

-In "En Antris et Stella Fatum Cruenti," just after Ishnifus is killed and the Doomstar goes red, we see a shot of Charles, Edgar and St. Cecilia at the Church, watching the sky.

-In "Morte Lumina," in a mirror to Nathan and Abigail's kiss, we see Pickles approach St. Cecilia, and she presses a kiss to his palm (Which is a really significant gesture between them) before he pulls her into his arms.

Trivia:

-The stars on her cheeks are actually a makeup trick, as she's afraid to have a needle so close to her eyes.

-She smokes Honeyrose Cherry cigarettes (Which have roughened her voice a bit), but she doesn't drink to excess, save when she's with Pickles. He's a terrible influence on her, but she adores him just the same. Considering him and Magnus, she has rather bad taste in men.

-Her signature scent is Estée Lauder's Cinnabar, which features notes of jasmine, orange blossom, cloves, and patchouli. She uses a cinnamon body oil when she wants to get Pickles's attention. It always works.

-She wants nothing more than to be loved, but she's keenly aware of the fact that most of the people who "love" her only want to coast on her fame. It's resulted in her having a hard time trusting people. The fact that Pickles and the rest of Dethklok don't need to coast off her is part of why she likes them so much.

-She's an iced coffee addict, and she prefers chocolate, caramel, or hazelnut varieties.

-She was raised Catholic, and while she lapsed a long time ago, she has occasional bouts of Catholic Guilt. Her name is related to her religion, as St. Cecilia is the patron saint of music.

-Her preferred alcohol is Bombay Sapphire gin, though she also likes white wine and champagne.

-She's a plant mom. Her flat is full of plants, including a little devil's tongue cactus she bought at a farmer's market in LA when she first came to America. It's traveled the world with her! It lived in the cupholder of Snazz's van for several years, and now it lives in her kitchen, perched on top of the microwave.

-She has a pretty serious oral fixation. She's always got something in her mouth: A cigarette, a pen, a popsicle, someone's fingers, a dick. Depends on her mood. Getting her tongue pierced helped a little, as she can play with the stud, but some habits just can't be broken.

-She and the rest of Stiletto own a condo building in London together, and she naturally has the penthouse to herself. It's very airy and open, with lots of mirrors and plants and exposed brick. One corner of her living room is just a huge window that looks out on the city. It's her favorite feature. Magnus is too nervous to go near it.

#this is a lot but i feel like she feels like a real character almost #Metalocalypse #nathan explosion #pickles the drummer #skwisgaar skwigelf #toki wartooth #william murderface #charles offdensen #magnus hammersmith #mtl #my mtl #st. cecilia jameson

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thekidsarentalright · 3 years

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analyze disloyal order pls :)

Ahh this one is a big one... Very happy to analyze it though!! Lets dig into it!!!: (typical disclaimer: I try to not make my lyric analyses/interpretations too personal to the artist bc truly Idk what the fuck Pete was going thru when he wrote this, so I'm trying to look at it from a storytelling/theme perspective but with some songs, like this one, that’s hard blah blah blah thank u <3):

So, just as a brief overview, this song is Very much summed up in the first line, “I’m coming apart at the seams”. It’s a breakdown, written out and put to music. The degradation of the narrators life/mental state, in my view, at least. And also other’s perception of things like a breakdown. As I said, the first lyric can sum up the entire song Pretty nicely, but lets explore that lyric itself a bit more: "I'm coming apart at the seams / Pitching myself for leads in other people's dreams", fob lyrics aren’t often self-explanatory at all, and many in this song Aren’t... However... I feel this one can be interpreted as pretty straightforward, no? The narrator feels like they’re fall apart, their life is unraveling before them, and they just wish they could be somebody else, anybody else, at this point, as their own dreams and life are Not working out. (If you wanted to try and connect the dots to Pete’s life, well... This was supposedly written at a low point for fob and Pete himself... Life as he knew it was falling apart and he wanted to be someone else, perhaps...)

“Doc, there's a hole where something was / Doc, there's a hole where something was”, now, for this lyric Pete annotated on genius saying ‘I am forever having doctors analyze me for problems I do not have’ which is... a Lot. And another direction I could go entirely for this analysis and this lyric specifically... There’s something to be said for doctor’s not listening to their patients, not believing them about what a Real problem might be, if you wanted to take this lyric literally with what Pete annotated in mind... which would tie into the theme of the song, falling apart, a breakdown... the doctor is trying to diagnose an illness or problem when it’s just... this person’s life falling apart. Dreams dying. However, that IS what I interpret this lyric as saying more than something super literal like doctor’s sucking at their jobs lmao. There’s something missing, this narrator’s dream(s) are Dying and they’re breaking down about it and trying to Fix it... but that’s not something a doctor can fix, is it?

“Fell out of bed, butterfly bandage, but don't worry / You'll never remember, your head is far too blurry” So! This is where the song Really starts to pick up, tempo wise and lyrics wise. ‘Fell out bed’, I feel, is not to be taken literally, more like... You had a bad start to a bad day, or are having a rough week/month/year, are damaged (emotionally) But! No big deal! Just solve it temporarily! Slap a butterfly bandage over it, something that is an impermanent fix to Much more (possibly) permeant problems. Supplement your emotional state with things that make you forget the pain, things that make your head blurry, and make you go Crazier in the end (alcohol... drugs... sex... nefarious things are implied)

“Put him in the back of a squad car, restrain that man / He needs his head put through a CAT scan” is where the parts of perception come in more, though the ‘doctor’ from the line before, of course, has Their own perception of the situation (breakdown), this lyric displays that even more. Pete, in the genius annotations, say this is based on a true story which is, again, a Lot to think about?? Pete :(?? Anyways! I believe this very much shows the way police officers will brush off people in times of crisis, mentally ill people specifically in this case, and treat them without care. They just perceive them as crazy, undeserving of respect... should just be restrained and thrown in the squad car in their time of need. Versus doctor’s viewing mentally ill people as people that just need to be analyzed and Studied to be taken care of... they just need to be ran through CAT scans and MRI’s and doctor’s NEED to figure out what’s wrong, not Actually help the patient in need. So, our narrator, this person Obviously going through something Already with dead dreams and a blurry head is now getting bereted from Two sides: The police and doctor’s in the literal sense of the song, but there is Also this ugly dichotomy in society too.

“Hey editor, I'm undeniable / Hey Doctor, I'm certifiable” is another relatively straightforward line? I think? It’s just saying, especially in respect to Fame (’cause Pete’s famous... and it is Very hard to ignore that in this lyric and song in general), that the narrator feels they deserve to be in the spotlight and Seen and Need that attention but also know that they are Not doing well. They are not in a good state and are certifiably mentally ill. But they’re also craving attention. Attention to their mental illness, perhaps? Either in a truly attention-seeker way Or as more of a cry for help? Who’s to say.

“Oh, I'm a loose bolt of a complete machine / What a match, I'm half-doomed, and you're semi-sweet” so... this is the lyric where the interesting dynamic of this song Possibly being a love song? Or... To someone, I suppose? As until this point it seems the narrator is only referring to themself but suddenly they’re referencing another person. I don’t quite feel there’s enough substance to that to make the entire analysis around it, but it Is worth pointing out, that there could easily be someone beside the narrator this whole time, trying to keep them together, maybe? I digress.. anyways... The narrator shows once again that they feel they’re falling apart, this time as a part of a machine... Perhaps that ‘machine’ reference could be society (or a relationship 👀), where they feel they’re falling apart so much so that they don’t feel a complete part of society anymore. They feel like they’re just a loose bolt in society, trying to help everything run, and not doing a good job. The next lyric, Pete says in genius annotations is, ‘sometimes about a girl’ but ‘honestly sometimes about Patrick’ which is just... yeah. He feels this person (a girl or Patrick) is a ‘match’ for him, though it’s almost said sarcastically? But just, like, the vibe I get from these lyrics together is that the narrator relies on this person, even if they feel they are not right for them and that they Aren’t actually a perfect match.

“So boycott love, detox just to retox / And I'd promise you anything for another shot at life” now the relationship-related aspects of this song play into these lyrics a bit more, the narrator feels So wronged by love (and life too, I think) that they feel the need to write it off completely... even though they know they’re just going to go back to it. Like a drug. And want another shot at it, love or life... the lyric says life, which I wholeheartedly feel matches the theme of the song More- Perhaps this lyric is aimed at the love interest, or the narrator, but either way? Another chance at living life and accomplishing dreams is Wanted, it’s Needed in this song sorely for the narrator specifically. They’re giving up on love, just to go back to it, and are desperate for another shot at everything. To try it all again and not feel like a failure, an outcast... a broken member of society.

“And perfect boys with their perfect lives / Nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy” this all just, like, perfectly sums up the themes of the song too, honestly. The narrator is clearly jealous of these people that they deem perfect, they want a shot at That life, a perfect one. But nobody wants to hear the narrators woes... because, perhaps, the narrator is seen as someone with a perfect life (if we brought Pete back into this... I very much feel that is true for him. He’s rich and famous so shouldn’t have any problems. No one wants to hear a rich person complain about life.) or the narrator just Feels like nobody cares. They perceive that no one is listening or wants to actually help them... as no one, up till now, has shown that they want to.

“Little girl, got me staring odd / Or was that just a telescopic camera nod”.... I am going to be completely honest... Not too sure what this means lmao. I’ve thought about it a lot! It’s just... it’s not coming together for me in my mind? I feel this could Easily be about perception again, as telescopic camera lenses increase focal length even though the lens itself is shorter than the focal length? So perhaps the narrator is ‘staring odd’ because his perception of life is off, because of what he’s going through.

“P-p-painted dolls in the highway, truck stop stalls / Lot lizards scales cool my nightlife moods” these lyrics are undeniably about prostitutes'/prostitution, to start off bluntly. The narrator is, well, seeking things to make them forget their problems, right? As I stated earlier, sex could easily be one of those things. They’re seeking a warm body to lay with that’ll ease the pain and damage done by a past lover and their life falling apart in general.

“All the rookies, leave your badge and your gun on the desk / When you leave the room” like the telescopic camera nod lyric, this one is a Bit confounding, however... I feel it could just be referencing how the narrator feels untrusted. As the lyric, in a literal sense, is saying that a head officer(?) is requesting the rookies to leave their badge, a sign of status and honor, and gun, protection and another sign of status tbh, on the desk before leaving. They don’t get to keep those things, as they likely aren’t trusted with them. With our narrator, because of the state they are in, they don’t seem to Feel like they’re trusted. They’re falling apart, after all, a loose bolt in the machine that is society. They don’t feel they deserve something to show status or honor, or at least, doesn’t think that Society thinks they deserve this... even if They themselves feel differently (which, given the ‘editor, I’m certifiable’ line earlier? I feel the narrator Does believe they deserve trust and status and honor despite what they’re going through.)

The rest of the song just repeats the chorus several times and reinforces what I said about those lyrics- Giving up on love just to go back to it, and feeling like they deserve another chance at hopes and dreams, in a different life. Overall, this song is just what I said it was in the beginning- the degradation of one’s life put to music. It is insanely depressing, especially the longer you think about it all. The narrator feels like they aren’t trusted, that no one is in their corner, they’ve been unlucky in love and life, and just want another chance. They just seem to want someone to care and listen to them and be a match to them. But they don’t have that, or at least, they don’t feel they have that. They just have people perceiving their life and situation incorrectly, while on the inside they feel like they’re absolutely being torn apart.

#(feel free to rb this btw... cause yknow... validation from my peers <3)#i am sincerely sorry this took so long!!!! I lost inspiration to do any of these for . a while But i am back baby >:)#but this one was fun to do! it was a lot to chew on so! hopefully it's good. and makes sense fkshdfksj #definitely one of if not The longest analysis i've written... I could probably write more but... I must restrain myself at some point lmaoo #asks #themightyfall #analysis.txt

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larentsaloud · 2 years

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I FELL IN LOVE WITH KOREA FIRST

I’ve come to appreciate BTS in 2021. I mean I knew of their existence. I am not a barbaric creature. I think early spring after clocking them out and chatting to Wheatus on Twitter about their music I was quite taken aback by their talent. Didn’t really understand what the fuss what about at first. 😅

Oh in case you don’t know that band that composed the iconic Teenbage Dirtbag tune? Yeah. <IM JUST A TEENAGE DIRTBAG BAAAABYYYY> screaming in high pitch* also jumps* {Jimin joins. *pause* Jungkook joins* GUYS!! I’m in the middle of a story about yall.}

Cough.

We got into a polemic about shipping, because I was and still am someone who supports one direction. From my user name you can probably guess I am / was a Larry.

~~~~ let’s not fight about this ~~~~

I love one direction and support their solo careers, there’s something about them that made me feel things, I’ve not felt for a long time. Ultimately it’s why I and the rest of the planet consume art. To feel stuff. It’s kind of safer than having a broken heart. It’s why certain songs are so addictive. Like that’s the whole basis of POP music / culture. Create consumable goods we can all be addicted to. Capitalism. All that jazz. *Tae throws hands* <Yes, Tae I know. I shouldn’t have brought jazz into it.>

Back to business.

I think Zayn and Louis are my most played artists this year. Which is funny because I was a huge rock fan and wouldn’t go near boy bands. It’s kind of like I said I won’t touch the hot stove and here I am all over the fucking thing. Even running a blog. Lol. 😭😭😭

No surprises there! Anyhow.

Wheatus’s song has been covered by 1D and he engaged with me a little. We chatted about Ani Di Franco whom we both love and then he followed me. I was so 🥺🥺 because he’s such a cool dude. Sorry about this prelude, but I promise that it will be a point to this. <Jin stop asking us whats for dinner>

Anygays, he shared a BTS song and loads of army flooded his replies trying to gate keep BTS from a ‘Larry’ so I got freaked out. God bless Wheatus because he publicly defended me saying music was for everyone. <Jhope just hugged me guys!>

*leaves room for 5 minutes. Comes back confused. Where’s my flute? Can’t hear due to the sound of jikook playing it super out of tune. FFS guys. Lemme write this post.

I used to play flute back in the day. Not like Lizzo, it was a lot less sexy.

So after that I felt all sorts of feelings about BTS. I followed them on Twitter and checked out a few videos. Never thought much of it. Cute lads I said to myself.

WORLD WIDE HANDSOME 🌎🌍🌏🥰🥰 *cue in namjoon eye roll

In a recent bout of existential crisis I decided to pursue writing as a career and entered some competitions, wrote a novel or two that needs to be edited and finished off. LOL.

While in that space, one direction fandom saved me. Literally saved my life, because I wrote a fan fiction in which I discovered my love for the art of sentences! I took the FF down once I evaluated some hard truths.

This meant being honest with myself about breaking the fourth wall. Once I cleared my conscience I ached to create stories and longed to write until my eyes bleed just not about THEM.

Amidst the pandemic I was safe in my bubble where I found new friends and pals from all across the globe. We talk. We share dreams. We laugh. We cry. We watch Grammys together and scream. Internet is fucking powerful.

Of late I got attached to K-Drama. Initially I attributed this to the fact, that Korean dramas have original plot… and told everyone who was asking me about

#howisyourbook?

~~~regrets ever mentioning the thing ~~~

🔪🔪🔪💅🏻💅🏻💅🏻

So I called it

#research

But let’s be honest.

I needed a break from my book. I wanted romance. I want to cry on cue and laugh. I wanted to yell at yet another predictable story line when amnesia >>> arrived.

I live for that shit.

They do follow solid plot developments and I LOVED the cinematography in them, or their beauty, language, food, the intricate language and culture?! Maybe all of it.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

I just fell in love with Korea first.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Once I crossed that path and starter messaging my mother in Korean when saying good night and telling her I love her, she confessed that she fell into the Korean loop hole, too. It was a truly beautiful moment for us both.

And from k-dramas it was only a matter of time before I started listening to BTS, watched their YT crack videos, in the soop, BTS run.

The thing about Jikook…

Kind of happened despite me trying. I fell in love with whatever they have.

💜💜

#jikook #BTS #how I found BTS #story time #minggukkie supremacy #bts #jimin #Jin #tae #RM #Jhope #JK #mingukkie #jungkook #minkook #minkookie #jk

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where-theres-smoak-2 · 3 years

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10 More Little Details from JATP.

I made this post a few days ago about all the little details I had spotted in JATP and I said that there were probably more that I had missed, well I found more that I missed. Again most of these are probably old news to most people but they are new to me and I always get excited about the details, the nitty gritty of a show and I over analyse everything so I figured I would share all my thoughts with you guys. Obviously there are spoilers. I’m going to start off with some smaller details first just some funny little things I spotted then we can take a trip down the rabbit hole and really go crazy with the whole over analysing thing.

1) Starstruck.

Hey you remember this truly iconic and amazing scene where Willie and Alex literally fall for each other?

Well I think considering how much chemistry was going on in that scene I can be forgiven for not noticing this at first but the star on the ground next to them has the name Dave Hoge written on it and I kept thinking the name sounded familiar.

Then I remembered that David Hoge is the name of one of the producers on the show so I think this is in relation to him unless there’s another Dave Hoge that I don’t know about.

2) Post It’s.

Speaking of little details floating around in the background. If you’ve read my other posts I talked about how Luke’s missing person poster was behind him when he was eating the hotdog. Well there’s another interesting poster right next to it. Unfinished business at the orpheum. Also note that the date on the unfinished poster is Dec 1994 and we know that Luke ran away from home in december which coupled with its proximity to his missing persons poster makes me think that his unfinished business has something to do with his parents.

Also later in episode 3 when Alex and Willie are talking on the bench there are so more fun posters behind them.

Ok so if you can pull your eyes away from the beauty of Willex for a moment (I know its hard) you can see that one of the posters says detention and a second that says Small Dark Room and again mentions the orpheum. Obviously this is a throwback to when the boys were detained in a small dark room before being pulled back into the world by Julie. But another thing worth noting is that the Small Dark Room poster has a purple background and you are going to get tired of me saying this but purple is associated with magic, know of any magician’s in the show? I can’t help but wonder if Caleb was actually keeping them detained in that room for some reason waiting until he needed them, the purple could indicate that magic was what trapped them there.

3) Poisoned Hotdogs?

One of the theories I had was that the boys didn’t die from food posioning but that Caleb had actually heard them play whilst they were alive and decided that he wanted the band right there and then, so he posessed Sam the hot dog guy and actually poisoned the boys. Since then I have found some evidence that might back up that theory. If you look again at that detention poster above, undeneath in yellow writing is the word toxic. So the posters if you put them all together actually spell out a sequence of events, Toxic as in the boys are poisoned, detention and small dark room as in they were trapped in the small dark room, unfinished business, they come back and are released from that small dark room because they have unfinished business. Still not convinced? Well how about this in the episode when they find out about Bobby, Luke is wearing a shirt that says poison on the back. Coincidence? Hmm I think not.

4) Tell Me What You’re Longing For.

So in episode 2 when Julie comes home and finds the boys in her room each of them seem to be obsessing over a particular object. On the surface this just seems like a funny scene but when you look a bit deeper the objects that each of the boys choose actually says a lot about each of their characters and where they are at mentally and emotionally in that moment.

Alex for example has fixated on the photo of Julie and her mum and is trying to pick it up. It seems to me that Alex has chosen this particualr object because its what he longs for with his own parents. In the photo its a happy little girl and her mother is kissing her and showing her affection. Also the boys know a little about Julie’s mum at this point and so they know how supportive and loving she was to Julie. We know that after Alex told them he was gay his parents, well Luke says they were never cool again, but we can guess that they didn’t show Alex much love and affection after that. This obviously would have really hurt Alex. Another reason why I don’t think Alex got much affection from his parents is because when Julie was crying after singing Wake Up Alex’s first instinct was to hug her, he also reprimands the boys for not hugging him when he was crying in that room for 25 years, this shows that a hug was something that he wanted. Also he always seems surprised whenever Willie would take his hand like its something he’s not used to. He hesitates before hugging Willie in episode 9 seeming to be conflicted and unsure before he finally gives in and just sinks into Willie, I mean to me it just seemed so desperate like he needed that contact but because he was never really hugged by his parents he is unsure about whether its ok or not. Also the most telling of all is also in episode 9 when he asks if they can try that hug thing again. Basically I don’t think Alex’s parents hugged him enough if at all and so when he sees that photo of a mother showing love to her child he is drawn to it as its something he has always wanted.

If we move onto Luke, he is trying to get his hands on Julie’s dream box. Again this is really in line with his character. We know that Luke is all about following your dreams. Also we find out that Julie stores her song lyrics in that box and we all know how passionate Luke is about writing and music. I do find it kinda funny that Luke zeros in on the one thing in the room that’s connected to Julie’s music. It’s like he’s got a radar that could sense that that was where Julie had hidden her music away. Also in my previous post I mentioned the connection between Caleb and Greek Mythology well this could be another nod at Greek Mythology. It could be a nod to pandora’s box. Today pandora’s box has a lot of negative connotations around it, how many times have you been warned not to do something in case you open pandora’s box? It’s this idea that bad things will be let into the world. However in the myth Pandora shuts the box and locks hope inside of it. The myth tells us that its this hope that helps the humans get through all of the hardships that had come from the box so it does kinda have a happy ending or I should say a hopeful ending. It’s interesting to me that Julie says that the box is just full of things that don’t make her sad. Julie has all of the bad things out in the world with her and has locked hope away in that box. Just like Zeus says to Pandora, Julie tells Luke not to open the box, and just like Pandora, Luke ignores her and does open that box. When he does he releases hope and happiness back into Julie’s life. But its not just Julie that locks her emotions up, Luke does too. He is ignoring his feeling about his parents and his regrets, he trys to ignore his feelings about Julie too, however one emotion he does let out is his anger at Bobby. I think when it comes to Luke you could say that he himself is the box but that he is the opposite of Julie in the sense that he’s keeping all of these negative emotions trapped inside and has locked hope out. Julie is the one who opens that box for him and lets those emotions go when she helps him feel connected to his parents, before he thought he had no hope of ever being able to make things right with them again but Julie shows him that he can. She does it again when all the boys have resigned themselves to their fate because they don’t think there is any hope that they’ll be able to play the orpheum and therefore complete their unfinished business. But then Julie shows up to snap them out of it and remind them that there is still hope and not to give up. She comes up with a plan and gives hope back to them just as they did for her. We know that Luke longs for a connection to people through music and this is exactly what he gets from that box he finds a connection to Julie through their joint pain at losing their mothers, the pain that helps them write the songs for the band and eventually find hope.

Ok so then we come to Reggie. At first glance it doesn’t look like Reggie is doing anything at all, I mean he’s just laying on the bed. But actually this too can be significant to his character. He’s not just laying on the bed he is stroking the bed sheets and looks very relaxed and content, he’s got his eyes closed and he’s just enjoying the comfort he’s feeling. I think this tells us that what Reggie is longing for is home. Reggie seems to enjoy anything to do with the home. We know that Reggie likes to spend his time more in the house with Julie’s family than he does out in the studio. He also made that comment about liking showers and the occasional bath, I don’t know about you guys but when I think about home I think about warm baths and cozy beds and hanging out with my family, those home comforts so to speak. These are all the things that Reggie is drawn to. Also if you think about the country song he wrote its called Home is Where My Horse Is. Again he’s thinking about home. The scene where the boys get emotional about Ray talking to Rose is also significant. I mean when you think about this is a man who is talking about his home and the memories he made there with his family and who is faced with leaving his home when he clearly doesn’t want to leave. Reggie’s reaction to this is to go back to his own home, to go see his parents. When he gets there its to find his home is gone. We know this hurts him because it comes up again later when they find out Bobby has stolen their songs, after Luke says it’s not about the money Reggie points out that if Bobby has shared with their families maybe his home wouldn’t have been turned into a bike shop. Losing his home is hitting Reggie hard and so when they all return to Julie’s room the thing that draws Reggie in is that feeling you get from being in bed at home.

Each object the the boys choose are representing what each of the boy is longing for most. Alex longs for a loving parent, Luke longs for a connection to someone through music and Reggie is longing for home.

5) Gone with the Wind.

This is one that is probably really obvious but in episode 1 when julie goes to the studio as she opens the doors a breeze rushes out. We know from the fact that she apologises for not going there that this is likely the first time she has visited since her mom died. I think this breeze is like her mother’s spirit is rushing out and into the world.

You can see that the breeze is moving from the inside out from the direction Julie’s shirt is rippling. I like to think that once her spirit was released Rose got to work right away putting all those little clues/ dahlias about the place.

6) Sunflowers.

In episode 9 within the first few minutes we get several images of sunflowers.

First when Alex is talking to Willie there’s some flowers outside of a shop, then when they go into the Orpheum’s office place there’s a vase of sunflowers on the desk, when they get back to the studio you can see that there is another vase of sunflowers on the unit behind the boys and then finally Julie is wearing a top with a sunflower on it. Sunflowers represent loyalty and are also another connection to greek mythology. The story of the origin of the sunflower goes that a woman named Clytie fell in love with the sun god Apollo. There are different versions of the myth and in some versions Apollo loves her back but then falls in love with someone else and in others he never loves her back. But in every version the outcome is the same Clytie is turned into a sunflower and she is so in love and loyal to Apollo that she continues to watch him fly across the sky in his chariot every day. This is why sunflowers are associated with adoration and loyalty. But the Myth also tells the story of loving or wanting something that you can’t have. This theme comes up alot in the show. First with Julie and Luke, its that star crossed love, they have feeling for each other but one’s a ghost and the other is a lifer. But I actually think the sunflowers are a hint at what was to come in the episode. Afterall the yellow of the sunflower is symbolic of friendship so I actually think Caleb is the one that wants something he can’t have. He wants the band but ultimately he can’t have the band because of the loyalty and friendship they have with Julie.

7) It’s All About The Accessories.

Another thing I noticed on rewatch is that several of the characters have necklaces that might have some significance. The first I want to talk about is Luke. Luke is nearly always wearing this necklace.

I think the only time he isn’t wearing it is at the end of episode 9 when he is that suit outfit. Now I’m not going to pretend to be an expert on semi-precious stones because I’m not but I do have an interest in them and their symbolism and properties. I’m fairly sure (though not certain) that this is Agate, or more specifically Black Agate. Now if I’m right and this is Agate then it could have some really interesting symbolism. Agate is used as a grounding stone, it’s suppose to help keep you grounded and balanced. It brings stability. We know that something is grounding the boys to this earth, to be clear I’m not saying its the stone but that the stone is symbolic of that connection that is keeping them here and connected to Julie. Agate is also suppose to help with emotional trauma and black agate is often given in times of bereavement to help ease the pain of grief. We know that Luke is grieving about losing his mother and father and seeing them grieve for him, so its really interesting to me that he is wearing a stone that is meant to help ease that pain as that is exactly what happens, through his song Unsaid Emily he is able to bring some comfort to his parents and ease their pain, in doing so he also eases his own pain. Another propeity of agate is that its suppose to protect agaisnt evil curses. Again this connects to Caleb and the curse he puts on the boys and how ultimately that curse is broken, Julie protects the boys with her love. So I think this stone not only represents Luke but also represents Julie and how she protects and brings comfort to the boys and Luke in particular. Another interesting thing about Agate is that it is closely related to the moon. Why is that interesting you might ask well because of this...

Julie is also nearly always wearing the same necklaces, one I think is a saint or virgin mary, the second is her name with a flower, which I think indicates the deep connection she has with her mother and the third has moons. The moon is often associated with magic and like said agate is closely related to the moon, It is another link between Luke and Julie and the ‘magic’ that connects them. I mentioned in that previous post that Julie often wears the colour purple which is also associated with magic but more on that later. Again I think its really interesting that both Julie and Luke wear necklaces that can be connected to the other.

But I don’t think they are the only characters that wear necklaces that might be linked. The next one I want to talk about is Willie.

We often see Willie wearing this key on a chain around his neck. The most obvious symbolism here is that Willie is the key to something. It could be that it symbolised how Willie was the key to bringing the boys to the Hollywood Ghost Club or the fact that he was the key to finding out more about the ghost world in general, I mean Alex and by extension the boys learn alot from Willie. I like to think its also because he is the key to Alex’s heart but that’s probs just my shipper heart influencing me. Another thing it could symbolise is maybe Willie is the key to their unfinished business somehow. I am really curious to know what the key goes to I mean keys unlock things. Like...

you know padlocks. I do think there might be some connection between one character wearing a key and another a padlock which is opened by a key. It could be a hint that Willie and Flynn will have some kind of connection, maybe they will have to work out a mystery together or act as a team to help the band and the only way they can do it is by working together. I also think the fact that Flynn is wearing the padlock is signifcant. Padlocks to me represent safety and security, you put a padlock on something that you want to protect or keep secure. Interestingly the name William means protector or warrior. I do think that Willie and Flynn will have an important role to play in protecting the band. Ok so next lets talk about Alex.

Alex also has a necklace that he wears often. His is a simple gold chain. But again I think it has some symbolism to his character. Chains have been a symbol of everlasting love and life since ancient times, its the circle that never ends. We are all pretty sure that its the bands everlasting love that saves them from Caleb in the end. Also Willie’s love for Alex (and yes I’m saying love) is what leads to Willie trying to save them too. But chains also have a negative connotation, one of opression. As I talked about earlier Alex has been judged for being gay and likely faced alot of opression due to his sexual orientation. Chains are also symbolic of inprisonment which again links into Caleb’s plan to trap the boys at his club. Gold is also associated with purity as it never tarnishes or rusts and well is there a more pure soul than Alex’s? Something else that is interesting is that in many cultures gold was used in burials as it is said to protect the souls in the afterlife which is similar to Luke’s Agate necklace which is also used during times of bereavement. Another thing that is similar between Gold and Agate is that gold is also said to protect against curses and is often related to magic. So lastly we have Reggie.

Gonna be honest this one was a little harder and I spent a little while studying the necklace and doing a little bit of research, the reason why this one was harder is because there seem to be three different materials at play here. There’s the light blue beads, the dark blue beads (which I thought were black at first they’re not) and the metal pendant. But lets start with the light blue beads, to me they look the most like blue calcite. Again not an expert but if it is blue calcite it again has some interesting symbolism to it because blue calcite is often used to enhance psychic powers so that you can commune with the spiritual world. I mean obviously this is symbolic of the fact that Julie is able to see and communicate with our ghostly boys. The dark blue beads I think are lapis lazuli, again if I’m correct then this is another stone that is used during burial because it is thought to protect and guide spirits in the after life. It also like gold and agate is said to protect, it protects you agaisnt psychic attack and said to be able to block curses. The metal pendant was the hardest part for me, at first I thought maybe it was silver but to me it looks too dark and dull to be silver. What it could be though is lead. And yup you guessed it lead is also linked to death as well as spells.

So yeah pretty much every character has a necklace that has some kind of symbolism around it and even more curious than that alot of them can be connected to each other. All three of the boys have stones or metals that are meant to protect and are associated with both death and spellwork. Those stones also link back to the moon. The other thing worth pointing out is that Willie also wears a shell necklace which obviously can be connected to the ocean which is also connected to the moon. Gold can be connected to the sun and Lapis Lazuli is also often connected to the sun, the sun is often connected to the moon as they both represent cycles and opposites, willie wears a key that connects to Flynn’s padlock, basically all of them can be connected to each other in some way. But of course I could be reading way too much into this and they’re really are just pretty necklaces.

8) Cats and Dogs.

Speaking of accessories I do want to go back and focus on Flynn again for a moment. One thing I noticed about Flynn is that its not just the padlock that is a consistent thing with her outfits. She is often also dressed in clothing that has cat prints. She also has cats on her backpack and in episode 2 she wears a necklace with a cat on it along with her padlock necklace.

Rmemeber earlier when I said I thought Flynn would play the part of a sort of protector to the band well as you can see Flynn often wears leopard print, in African lore the leopard is said to be the guardian of the dead and is said to show the way to the next realm. There is a similar myth in Ancient Eygptian culture through the cat goddess Bastet, whilst she had many forms throughout time and many duties one of which was to protect and guide. Another interesting thing about this goddess is that she was also the goddess of women’s secrets. We know that Flynn is the only one that Julie told about the band. Also leopards are seen as a counselor in the spirit animal world a role that Flynn often plays for Julie. The leopard represents your psychic self and future telling. Again this fits Flynn’s story as it is her who figures out that Julie’s mother is leaving signs and working behind the scenes so to speak.

But whilst it seems to me that cat’s are more heavily associated with Flynn’s character its not the only animal that can be linked to Flynn. She also is sometimes seen with dog imagery. She sometimes carries a dog purse.

Since ancient times dogs have been considered to be psychic and also able to see ghosts. This could be a hint that in season 2 Flynn will also be able to see the boys. Also like the cat the dog in ancient greek mythology is associated with the dead and is also a guardian for the afterlife, hades has a three headed dog named cerberus that guards the gates to the afterlife.

Other cat/ dog imagery can be seen in those posters I mentioned earlier.

Of course this could all be just a coincidence and might not mean anything at all. But what else is interesting about these posters is if you look at the cat one again, it’s accompanied by a poster showing someone playing music and what to me looks like a spirit type thing appearing. Then there’s the one with the cat right under it which is interesting because the poster says mammoth offspring on it but that defo looks like a cat to me not a mammoth. As a slight tangent though the mammoth thing could be a reference to the talk about bringing the wooly mammoth back from extiction, its symbolic of that idea of bringing back to life something that has been long dead. Anyway under that there’s a poster of a woman with a moon in the sky and the words acting moon. Cats are often closely related to the moon and both the moon and cats are closely related to witchcraft. What does that matter you might ask? Well...

9) So we’re going with witch?

Remember that hilarious scene in episode 1 when the boys are discussing how Julie got all her stuff in their studio so fast Reggie offers up the suggestion that Julie is a witch because there are chairs floating on the ceiling. Luke is inclined to agree with him at first before Alex shoots them down. I think this is another one of those scenes where you just think its a funny moment but then when you think about it makes perfect sense. I mean I legit think Julie is a witch, or at least she has some kind of magic. There are so many things that link her with magic. I already talked earlier about the moon necklace she wears. But she also has a moon on her jeans in episode 1.

Again the moon is heavily linked with magic. Also there is the fact that her companion Flynn seems to be linked to cats and witches often have cats as companions/ familiars.

As I said earlier the colour purple is representative of magic well the first time Julie makes the boys appear to an audience in Bright the light that the technician sets on her is purple meaning Julie literally glows purple before she does this magical act of making the boys visible.

A similar thing happens before their performance for Finally free though its not as intense. But you can see that purple glow around her.

And again, whilst its more subtle, for Edge of Great when Julie is coming out of the studio the light in the studio is purple and once again she appears to be glowing purple.

Also this would again put her as an equal rival for Caleb. We know that he is a magician so in my opinion it would make sense for Julie to posess some kind of magic, like I said her and Caleb are opposite sides of the same coin. So yeah in conclusion Reggie and Luke are right Julie is a witch.

Edit: Also I forgot to add this one in but in episode 9 she is wearing a top that says ‘Mystic Child’ on it along with flowers and moons and stars.

10) All Eyes On Bobby.

So the final thing I want to talk about is Bobby/ Trevor. Don’t ask me why because I would not be able to tell you but I can’t help but be intrigued by his character. I wonder why he did what he did, why did he steal the songs and not give the others any credit? Did he grieve his friends? Or are they trying to paint him as like this villian who doesn’t care about anyone? Well I actually think we can get some answers to these questions from a rather interesting place. His daughter’s song All Eyes On Me. If you take some of the lyrics and put them in a different context I really do think they can be linked back to Bobby. There are several connotations to stealing, ‘I'm stealing all the attention’ or another one is ‘Stealing looks, it's robbery’ and another one ‘ I'm taking over your playlist’ I mean bobby really did take over Luke’s playlist in the sense that he took all the songs. So now that we’ve established that this song could very well be hinting at bobby what else can the song tell us about his motives and mindset. Well there is that section ‘ They don't get the shine that I get, Some get jealous, They can't help it, They wish they were me.’ I actually think this part is about Luke. Julie says that whilst the album he released of Luke’s songs did really well his other albums weren’t as good. Now she doesn’t say that they are bad just that they weren’t getting the same attention Luke’s were. This also tells us that Bobby like Luke also wrote songs. But I think that Luke’s songs always got more attention and praise and over time Bobby began to gain some jealousy towards Luke because as the song says Bobby doesn’t have the shine that Luke does and Bobby wishes he was Luke. More evidence in the song that Bobby felt this way comes from the opening lines ‘ Whenever I walk in the room, All the focus on me, The way I talk, the way I move, They all want on my team.’ I feel like this might have happened alot, that Luke would just get loads of attention whenever he walked into a room and everyone wanted to talk to him. Then if you look at these lines ‘ I make an entrance when I don't try, don't try, Cause all I see is all eyes on me, I only lead, I never follow, follow.’ Again this could be a hint at how Bobby was feeling towards Luke at that time like Luke got everything easy, he could get attention without trying. Also I’ve always got the vibe that Luke was the leader of the band and so its possible the line about only leading never following could be that Bobby felt that Luke wasn’t paying enough attention to his ideas and was starting to feel a little bit of resentment towards him. Maybe he was also feeling a little like he was in the boys shadows. It’s worth noting that in the song Now or Never whilst Luke, Alex and Reggie all have solo pieces where they sing Bobby doesn’t, yet we know he must be able to sing, I don’t care how good Luke’s lyrics were if Bobby couldn’t sing he wouldn’t have got a platnium record. I think some of this can be picked up in that beginning scene with Sunset Curve and Rose. Bobby is the first one to approach her but then the rest of the group comes over and despite approaching her first he ends up being the last one to give her his name. Also most of the interaction happens between Rose and Luke, Alex and Reggie with Bobby barely speaking at all. I do feel like whilst all the boys were close Bobby was a bit more of a timid one around the others and didn’t stand up for himself or his ideas like the others do. For example we know that Alex and Reggie will push back against Luke. When Luke tells Reggie to stop putting his country songs in his journal you can guarantee this isn’t the first time he’s had to tell Reggie that, also when he says it Reggie just retorts that its a gift and he should have another look at it. This shows that Reggie isn’t afraid to pitch his ideas to Luke even if Luke says no. Also when Luke tells Alex no dancing and Alex just immediately starts dancing as a retort. I get the sense that it wasn’t the same with Bobby. Now don’t get the wrong idea I’m not saying in any way that the boys bullied or deliberately pushed Bobby out more that Luke, Alex and Reggie kind of have this banter and they bounce off each other but it seemed to me like Bobby struggled with this and just couldn’t keep up with it. During the conversation with Rose you can see that Bobby looks a little annoyed and you can understand why, he works up the courage to talk to this girl and instead his bandmates kind of take over the conversation which is why he reminds them about the hot dogs I think he figured if they were gone he’d be able to have a more comfortable conversation with her.

Which brings me to my next question, how did Bobby react to his bandmates deaths and did he ever feel any guilt about stealing the songs. Well on the surface his actions right after seem a bit suspect and there is that line in All Eyes On Me ‘Must have won the lottery’ which if we take this song as actually being about Bobby then it could be construed as he was kinda happy that his band mates died that he almost saw it as a stroke of luck. I mean couple that with the fact that right after their deaths he layed low and changed his name plus the fact that he stole their songs it doesn’t look like he cared all that much and I’ll admit for a hot minute there that is the image I had of him. But then I looked closer and actually there are quite a few signs that Bobby isn’t as fine and dandy as he first seems. One example is the fact that he meditates, meditation is often used by people with mental health issues such as depression, anxiety and insomnia. I’m not saying that just because he meditates he must have some metal health issue just that its a possibilty especially when you combine it with the other hints. For example after the guys haunt him and he rushes out telling Carrie that he’s going to see his therapist, Carrie rolls her eyes. I get the feeling from this that seeing his therapist is something that her dad does often which again could indicate that he was more effected by his bandmates deaths than we know. Another subtle hint that he might be still struggling with their deaths is that we see him returning from a run in episode 9 that along with the meditating and the therapist tells us that he cares about his health and wellness which you know good things but its possible that the reason why he cares so much is because his friends died at a really young age which was traumatic for him and made him think about his own mortality and so he maybe becomes a bit obsessed with his health. Also him laying low and changing his name can be explained by the fact that the press were looking for him we know that from the article Julie read in the pilot. Bobby had just lost his friends and I’m sure the last thing he wanted was the press asking him a load of questions and there’s a good chance he knew that they were looking for him. He and Rose probably exchanged numbers at the Orpheum and seeing as the band were going to play there it wouldn’t be a stretch to think reporters would have gone there to see if they could get a way of contacting Bobby. Rose could have called Bobby to warn him and this is why he changes his name not to cover his tracks because he stole Luke’s songs but because he was avoiding the press so he could grieve in peace. I think he then might have then tried to get his music out there after some time deciding the guys would have wanted him to keep chasing his dreams. But he runs into a problem of nobody is all that interested in his songs, I think in a moment of desperation he plays one of the bands songs, he goes back to something familiar and they love it. He tells one little lie and then it snowballs to the point where he can’t take it back without causing irreparable damage to his reputation. I could see him trying to justify his actions to himself by telling himself that the songs belonged to the band and that he had as much right to them as the boys and well the boys weren’t here so what was the harm. As to why he didn’t give credit to the band it was probably because he knew that if he gave credit he would have to explain what happened to them and then their tragedy would haunt him for the rest of his life, the media and fans would all bring it up, maybe he just thoguht he wouldn’t be able to deal with that pain and so he just stays quiet and then he just gets buried in the lie, the record label wants more songs so he records more and more of Luke’s songs and then when he has enough of a name and loyal following of fans he starts recording his own songs. The reason why I think it went down like this is again from the song All Eyes On Me the verse ‘They know my face, They know my name, Reputation on lock, It's not my fault I got the fame, Ain't my fault it won't stop.’ The beginning part about knowing his name and his reputation on lock makes me think that after that first album he had enough of a reputation to secure himself and that he no longer needed Luke’s songs and I think at this point that guilty consious really kicks in and he decides not to record anymore of Luke’s songs. I really do think Bobby chose not record anymore as we know that he didn’t record all of Sunset Curves songs, he didn’t record bright, finally free or unsaid emily (thankfully) and he could have which to me suggest it was a consious decision on his part to stop. If he really was money hungry and all he cared about was fame and money then he would have recorded the rest of their songs. Another reason why I think Bobby has a bit of a guilty conscious is the line ‘It’s not my fault I got the fame.’ That to me sounds like something someone might say to try and convince themselves that they are not guilty of something, like Bobby is trying to justify his actions by saying that it wasn’t his fault that they died and he lived to go on and be successful, that it was just luck, which would circle back to the line ‘must have won the lottery’ this isn’t about celebration a lottery is about sheer dumb luck and he is recognising that. But here’s the thing that sealed it for me and convinced me that Bobby isn’t this completely heartless person who never cared about his friends.

Just look at this guys face. This is right after the boys appear on stage in Stand Tall. Look his expression isn’t one of jsut shock to me that is the face of a man who is grieving, who is feeling pain at the loss of someone he loved. I mean he looks devastated and his eyes are welling up, this is pure emotion and you’ll never convince me that this is the face of someone who didn’t love those boys like they were family.

I do want to say though that I in no way condone what Bobby did, he either should have given them credit or not recorded the songs. I’m just trying to explain what I think his thought process was during that time and point out that this image that he is some fame hungry monster isn’t entirely true. I do think that we could see him getting a redemption arc in season 2 and maybe some rifts can be mended.

I also think that Carrie will get a redemption arc and will make up with Julie. I do think there is alot of parallels between Sunset Curve and Carrie and Julie. It’s the same story of they were really close friends but then they have a falling out and end up as enemies. I think this is way they use Carrie’s song to tell the story of Bobby and the boys. Another reason why I think they are going to possibly get a redemption arc or at the very least play a bigger part in season 2 is because of the flowers, those little signs that Julie’s mum likes to leave. In episode 9 when Bobby comes in and sees Carrie watching that video on the table is a boquet of flowers, of white roses, white orchids and lilys.

Lilys obviously have a lot of symbolism of remembrance but they also represent rebirth and renewal. Orchids in some cultures represent unity and white orchids are said to represent hope. The roses I obviously think is a connection to Julie’s mum but white roses symbolise new beginnings. This makes me think that there is hope for a new beginning for Bobby, Carrie and Julie and the Phantoms. I do think it’ll be the memory of Rose that brings them all together after all Bobby knows that Rose/ Julie’s mum is the girl they were talking to in the pilot. I think he’ll tell the boys this and I think each of their connections to Rose is what will help mend the rifts between them all.

Ok well that’s it for now because this post is getting way way too long. If you have taken the time to read all the way through this then thank you, let me know what your theories and thoughts are I’d love to hear them. I’m definitely going to be posting more about JATP its my current obession right now the next post is going to be about Alex and Carrie and how I think they might have some kind of plotline in season 2 so keep an eye out for that if you think that is something you would be interested in.

#julie and the phantoms #jatp speculation #jatp spoilers

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spookyscientistskeleton-moved · 2 years

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WHO ARE YOU ??

name: Spacy sign: On the Sag/Scorp cusp, but always identified more with Sag tbh. height: 5′1 ft and full of spite. put your spotify music app on shuffle. first 6 songs? Caro Emerald - One Day (Swing Republic Remix) Pink - Trouble Tal National - Zoy Zoy Bastion OST - The Sole Regret Lindsey Stirling - Roundtable Rival

ever had a poem/song written about you? Not that I know of, maybe some weirdo wrote one in secret. when was the last time you played an air guitar: I only remember this because it was my answer last time I was asked for a Munday meme when I last did air guitar, and had in fact done air guitar that night while hosting bar trivia (we had a music round) back in the beforetimes. who is your celebrity crush? ugh gal gadot you make it really hard after the whole Imagine thing but she’s just so PRETTY.

what sound you hate & what sound you love? Hate the stompy stompy stomp of my upstairs neighbors’ toddler, love the sound of onions or garlic sizzling in oil. do you believe in ghosts? No, but when I was on the Route 66 road trip last year with my Cool Tumblr Pals, we went to an allegedly haunted prison, and we got just the most unsettling feeling in one of the cell blocks we wandered into. At one point I could’ve sworn I heard a sound like shuffling feet. When we got out of that corridor, we saw a sign posted that it was originally death row. how about aliens? I mean the universe is a big place, I believe in the possibility more than I do ghosts. do you drive? I don’t own a car (you don’t really need one in Chicago), but I do, yeah. if so have you ever crashed? AUGH so like I haven’t crash-crashed, but I did get in a minor car accident literally the day I moved to Chicago, in the moving truck. It was 100% my fault, but in my defense I’d been driving for two days, driving a Uhaul which I had noooo experience driving, and we’d hit Chicago at rush hour and I was just frazzled to all hell. what was the last book you read? I can’t really say the name of the book here because I read it in the process of narrating the audiobook, and like... while some folks on like Discord and such know the title, I try not to spread it too much around Tumblr just to keep my fandom life and my professional life separate. But I can say that it was a very very violent splatterpunk novel, and performing it actually gave me a panic attack in the recording booth at one point lmao. do you like the smell of gasoline? Nah what was the last movie you saw? The King’s Man, I think? It was not good. what’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? When I was in like... third or fourth grade, I was out on the playground at recess, looking for my best friend. I climbed up to the top of the monkey bars to look around for her, and my shoe slipped. I ended up falling so that the bar hit me right between the legs. I’m 35 now and I still remember how much that shit HURT lmao. do you have any obsessions right now? I fell down a Sims 4 k-hole. do you tend to hold grudges? Depends on the offense I think, but generally not. Certainly less than when I was younger. in a relationship? Nah, I was married for the entirety of my 20s and that ended up being a gigantic waste of my life and energy, so not really in a rush to dive back in there again. Someday though!

#[ooc] spacy speaks

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slashingdisneypasta · 4 years

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Slender Brothers Headcanons

#1. Mating Season

WARNINGS: Heavy content here. Slender’s and Offender’s of course talk about rape. Very violent and graphic rape and mention of necrophilia in Offender’s. Trender’s talks about prostitution? But not in a dark way, really. Splender’s describes some pain- for him. Pain for him. Its unfortunate ): The ‘If he had an S/O’ parts are pretty safe though

Notes:

Heed the warnings. If you don't, then I take no responsibility.

Or... maybe these aren't as graphic as I think and I’m just a baby? Dunno, better safe then sorry though!!!

If you are interested in this stuff, then enjoy! ^^ XD

~~~

Slenderman:

You thought he hid away before… but, man. During this time, no one knows where he is.

In truth, he’s hauled away in a bunker that he set up himself and upkeeps every year, all alone (For his benefit, because he haaaaates, hates, hates being out of control. Not for everyone else’s benefit, I want to make that clear.) and if it wasn’t for the constant, unattended, unquenched heat overwhelming him then he would be in total peace. I mean, here he’s underground (In the earth. His favourite thing) and he’s alone (This favourite thing ties with the earth).

That bunker ends up in teeerible shape after he’s been in there. He loses most of his control, and because his needs aren’t extinguished, he gets violent. He has a lot of pent up tension in every orifice and periodically he snaps. At the walls, at the chairs, at anything that’s a satisfying weight to throw, or break, or crush.

He never leaves the bunker though without repairing and replacing shit though so that when he comes back the next year, he doesn’t feel even worse.

Now, if Slender didn’t hide himself away… Look, Slender is not a good being. He controls himself because he genuinely enjoys controlling things and the most important thing to do is control yourself. But at this time, if he really actually tried, he would have like 0.10 percent control.

And… he wouldn’t feel any reservations about taking a mortal and using them to help himself, raping them. He would feel disgusted with himself later on, for sure, but that’s only because he lost his control. Not because of what he did to the mortal.

I think the only reason he doesn’t normally do this, is not because he’s in any way better, morally, then Offender. It’s because he generally doesn’t feel sexual desire that often. And when he does, he ignores it. He isn’t interested, like Offender is. So, don’t get it twisted, Slender is a selfish and rotten.

If he had an S/O:

If there is even the smallest chance that you won’t find out, he will take it.

Of course, that would be pretty hard to do seeing as the damn thing can last for up to a week (Although that is still very lucky, seeing as cats and dogs last a month or longer. I’ve decided the Slender’s are more like birds XD) and you will be puzzled when your cranky, hermit Slenderman disappears from his beloved home for that long.

Even after its over and he’s back, and you know something out of the ordinary happened, he still won’t tell you. Just very bluntly, so you know he knows you know somethings up but you also know he isn’t about to tell you, says “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”. The ass will even say “I was here the whole time Y/N, for goodness sakes. You must have missed me.”.

HOW?

I beg to differ, Slendy.

Eventually one of the other brothers will tell you, and get a prompt smack from a stray black tentacle when he finds out. “Oh, my bad. Spasm.” He’ll say, totally deadpanned.

Now, if you decide you don’t want anything to do with it and to respect his decision to keep it from you, he’s happy to go on like normal with you. Whenever the season comes around, he’ll just tell you he’ll be away for a bit for his mating season. No drama! And no more secrets!

On the other hand, if you wanted to help…

Well, he would describe to you everything he feels during his mating season and exactly how strong these urges are, to scare you off. And e tells no lie, and it does sound terrifying.

But if you still want to after that, then fine. Next mating season, he concedes a test run. But he enlists Zalgo to stand by for a bit and if he hears non-pleasure noises, then to come in and take you away.

Slender’s a big fan of informed consent where you’re concerned.

Trenderman:

Trender does a lot of meditation and drinks a lot of calming herbal remedies at this time… and, also, jerks off a lot and is out picking up partners every night for wild one-night stands. He deals with it pretty healthily, actually, compared to the others! Haha

As song as he’s satisfied, everyone who is prospectively around him, will be safe. That’s his thinking, and it’s true.

Also, why treat the feeling like it’s a curse? It is an issue, but if you act like Frollo then you’ll just make it worse for yourself and more importantly, for everyone else.

He will even hire prostitutes if he has no luck picking anyone up himself. Don’t worry, he’s very good to them, and pays them well (Boy makes it a habit to even send them off with breakfast, or at least breakfast money if they don’t feel comfortable spending more time with him then what was professional). Like, from the prostitute’s point of view, he is the best customer. Favourite customer. Love him.

He doesn’t do any work with anyone, during this time. Just stays in at home all day meditating, drinking his tea’s and working on designs and outfits from the safety of his house (He does some of his best work during this time- they’ve been described as ‘Seductive’). If he absolutely has to contact someone, he will text them. Even the sound of someone’s voice might set him off, so he really avoids anything like phone calls and delivery people- he has his groceries dropped off at his front door while he’s out at night.

He wears headphones most of the time (Noise cancelling or music), blocking out anything possible from the outside world, and keeps the blinds closed and windows and doors locked.

If he had an S/O:

If you’re willing to help him out during the season, he’s jazzed. I mean, he was hoping you would XD

Let me tell you, you can satisfy him way quicker than anyone else that he could pick up or hire, so its not really an issue if you want to help him. You will be pretty tired after a night so I’d prescribe you maybe every second night if you’re up to it?? But you won’t be fatally tired or anything like Splender XD And you definitely wont be hurt, because honestly it doesn’t take much from you to finish him, because it’s you!

Theirs no poetic reason. It’s just, simply, because it’s you.

Kinks that he doesn’t mention before this suddenly come out to play… You will learn some new things about yourself, that’s for sure.

Offenderman (I’m saying it again because it’s very necessary. WARNING. Please read with caution):

This is… not an issue for him…

In fact, it affects him much, much less than the others. Offender is always horny, anyway. Its literally in his nature. So, he’s used to living with it.

His temperament does lose its bearings for the duration, though, which makes him even more dangerous then usual. Most of the time he doesn’t even play with his victims at all (Doesn’t tease or go even a modicum slower. Doesn’t care to look into their eyes to see the fear- which tends to be a big part of what he does. He gets off of their terror. But at this time he just seems mad, sloppy and impatient), just rapes them in an the back of an alleyway and leaves their corpses when he’s not getting anything out of it anymore, looking for a new one.

Usually, when it’s not mating season he’ll usually leave them alive, specifically so they have to deal with the trauma, but now the force he uses… breaks them. The force of his hips breaks their bones, the way he bites their neck leaves a gaping, jagged hole that blood escapes out of, he suffocates them to death or crushes their windpipe. Long before he’s done, they’re a corpse. Not that that bothers him. At all. As long as they’re tight, he can work with it.

Also, something about them being dead turns him on also, so…

The body count at night means that he’s fine during the day, except for a normal, gentle buzz of thirst but he can handle that just fine. It’s more like normal.

If it wasn’t for his general lack of care for mortal (Or any other) lives and cruelty he would be able to manage this season like any other time of the year. No one would get hurt and no one would realise he’s any different.

But, this is Offenderman.

If he had an S/O:

Offender is so much more in control. Like, literally, he can date you and have a normal life and everything. He doesn’t want to scare you away or, very much less, hurt you. If he can get away with it, he wont even mention a mating season.

But, if you were happy to help him out (Which, I realise now, may be hard for some of us to imagine after reading what I just wrote about him not 4 dot points ago… ), then he would lose his ever loving mind.

But not in a bad way like before was. Less violent and more… submissive. I guess. He’s still him, and he thinks he’s head honcho and everything (Second only to Slender) but he has absolutely zero issues with bottoming- theirs plenty of pleasure to source from that position.

Your touch and your warm, wet pinkness feel’s 10 times better to him (And he already loved it with his whole, black heart) in this condition. He’ll mule.

Splenderman:

This is ESPECIALLY hard for Splender. He feels everything 10 times stronger than any of his brothers, which is saying a lot because they’re all very passionate about their shit.

But Splender is the most so. (*Cough* Its because I like to believe kindness is a stronger urge then hatred, personal interest or even lust. This is also the reason I headcanon Splender as the oldest).

One year, soon after he reached adulthood and mating season actually kicked in, (The first time shocked him. He had no one to tell him this was about to happen, and it stole the wind from him. He nearly hurt someone when he tried to ignore it, which explains why this that I’m about to explain about, which is the second time, turned out so badly),he tried to haul himself away and do nothing. Not touch himself, not see anyone for help, not do anything.

It caused him to cease up completely. He was just sitting there for a full day, thinking about nothing but his physical need and his pain. First his cock went painfully stiff, then the rest of him, and when he finally tried to move it was agonising.

Ever since then he’s careful not to do that. For a long time he subscribed to Slender’s method of hiding and locking himself away until it’s over.

But, it was not until Trender became an adult and started dealing with his mating seasons that Splender’s eyes were opened up to a much safer and healthier management strategy.

Instead of fighting the season, just accept it. Take care of yourself Splendy, we worry for you.

Nowadays he spends most of his time treating his body the bets he can, in a remote area in some mountains in Switzerland. Beautiful nature to revitalise him, spring weather, clean fresh air… no one around for miles and miles to hear what he’s up to… Haha. Its half an half. Half of the time he spends eating healthily and relaxing in fields and rocky mountain areas, and the other half he masturbates.

A lot of the time actually he’s doing both at the same time. Jacking off outside in the fresh air.

If he had an S/O:

He’s surprised to hear that his mortal mate likes the idea of being… uh… used, essentially. For his personal gain.

“You think that’s okay, Y/N??”? He’s a bit sceptical.

“Yeah, Splender, as long as its you! I don’t mind helping- plus its kinda hot.”

Well, if you’re sure! Splender doesn’t try to tell you that you don’t know what you’re talking about or that you don’t know what you like in anyway.

He’s kind of excited now XD

He’s going to come up with a plan though to separate the two of you at some point so you can rest and revitalise because while he understands that you’re consenting to a lot and are genuinely interested, he also knows that during this time he can go for a looooot longer then you can, and he refuses to break you. “You can come back if you want once you’re not so tired!” He assures you, when you whine and say you can ‘handle it’.

ALL SLENDER’s:

Final thing.

Imagine having a vagina and being on your period at the same time that he’s enduring his mating season.

#Slender Brothers Headcanons #Slender Brothers #Headcanons #Mating Season #period #rape #murder #Splenderman #Slenderman #Trenderman #Offenderman #blood #heat

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skania · 4 years

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Hollow: an ode to Cloud’s regrets about Aerith

I’ve always felt Hollow is about Cloud’s regrets after Aerith’s fate. But after finishing the Original Final Fantasy 7 game, I realized the lyrics outright quote and reference things Cloud says about Aerith in Disks 2 & 3.

So if I was convinced before, now I just can’t see the song being about anyone nor anything else.

I’ve been posting my thoughts about it on Twitter the last few days, but I figured it was worth putting everything together in one single post to illustrate just why I feel this way. I’ll divide the post in a few parts:

What we know about the song

Where we hear the song in Remake

The name of the song

The song lyrics and its ties to the OG (and to AC)

The imagery of the song

Could the song be about multiple people? nope

I’ll illustrate each point with images from the OG and occasionally Advent Children, so beware of spoilers for both! In contrast, there are only a few spoilers from Remake, including one cut-scene from the ending and a scene from Chapter 14.

What we know about the song

The song’s lyrics were written by Nojima and the music by Uematsu. In the Behind the Scenes, Uematsu explains that the song is sung from Cloud’s perspective and gives the vocalist clear instructions to make the vocals fit Cloud’s character.

This was further confirmed on a recent interview, where Uematsu said: “[...] the song is supposed to be about Cloud's inner feelings” (source).

Similarly, Nojima confirmed that one of the two keywords he received to write the lyrics was “told from Cloud’s point of view.”

Even more interesting, however, is the following:

I interpreted [Hollow] as "a ballad for a man who lost something important to him." — Nojima

In other words, Nojima wrote these lyrics thinking about Cloud having lost “something important” to him. In Japanese, the wording is 大切なもの, which means both “something important” or “someone important” depending on the context (comment from the translator).

Both have already been used from Cloud’s point of view, in regards to Aerith.

In the OG, it’s used when Cait Sith predicts that Cloud will lose Aerith. “What you pursue will be yours. But you will lose something dear." In Japanese, “something dear” is written with the exact same wording used by Nojima: 大切なもの

The same wording is also used in Cloud’s cameo in Final Fantasy Tactics, where he’s featured alongside Aerith.

As for “someone important”, Aerith has been described as Cloud’s 大切な人 "important/precious someone” more times than I can count. Like here, for example:

... [Sephirot] took away my important/precious someone.

So just from the wording alone, we can establish a link to Aerith. However, this is far from being the only way Hollow is connected to Aerith.

Where we hear the song in Remake

The very first time we hear the instrumental version of song in Remake is in Chapter 8, called “The Flower of Reunion” in Japanese and “Budding Bodyguard” in English. In other words, the first time it plays is on a Chapter entirely dedicated to Cloud and Aerith.

But even more telling is the very first moment we hear the song. It’s when Aerith briefly separates from Cloud in the Sector 5 Slums. It literally starts playing the instant Aerith leaves the party.

Then, it continues to play throughout the chapter as Cloud & Aerith reunite and do different quests together.

Fittingly, the second time we hear the instrumental version of Hollow is in Chapter 13, as Cloud & the party step into the places that Aerith first showed to Cloud — except that this time, Aerith isn’t with them because she’s been kidnapped by Shinra.

Meaning, Hollow’s instrumental version only plays in Sector 5. Aerith’s Sector.

The last time we hear the song is, of course, in the credits of the game. Where the full version of Hollow plays in full. But I think it’s interesting to think of the moment when the song starts to play.

First, we focus on Cloud & Aerith, standing on a barren place as rain starts to fall down on the party (this will be important later). It’s only after this very shot that the camera pans to the sky and Hollow starts playing.

So three out of three times we hear Hollow, the song can be connected to Aerith.

Which makes perfect sense IMO, because everything about the song itself is connected to Aerith.

Including its title.

The name of the song

While the song is sung in English, the original lyrics were written in Japanese. The original name of the song was actually 「空っぽの雲」 “Empty Cloud”, which then became「からっぽの空」aka “Empty Sky” or “Hollow Sky”. And in fact, the Instrumental version of the song that plays in Sector 5 — again, Aerith’s sector — keeps the Japanese name.

Of course, both “empty” and “hollow” carry the same meaning:

“Having a hole or empty space inside”.

You know what was meant to evoke this exact same feeling in the players? Aerith’s death.

The feelings aroused by Aerith’s death are “a great emptiness” and “If I had know this was coming, I’d have done things differently”.

These are the exact same feelings Cloud sings about in Hollow.

And what’s more, his pain after losing Aerith was recently referenced in the Final Fantasy 30th Anniversary Exhibition with the following quote:

Which takes me to:

The song lyrics & its ties to the OG and to AC

Since the song was originally written in Japanese, I will be using @gurekura’s literal translation as well as the official translation of the lyrics. You can see their original post on Twitter HERE.

I think that when you read the lyrics, it becomes very obvious that it’s written from the perspective of the original Cloud. The Cloud we see in the Original FF7 as well as in Advent Children, among others. So, of course, it’s no surprise that these lyrics perfectly match various scenes.

What’s telling though, is that just as we’ve seen until now, the lyrics are a perfect match for scenes focusing on Cloud and Aerith.

No matter whether you take these lines literally or figuratively, “healing” easily evokes images of Aerith. Who not only is a healer — we even see this in AC, where Aerith heals Cloud of Geostigma — but also reaches out to Cloud as he’s broken by pain and guilt in AC and helps him recover.

But while this is all fine and dandy, I can understand why people may think of different scenes while hearing these lyrics.

However, their link to Aerith becomes even more blatant as we go. In fact, from here on out, the lyrics basically quote Cloud’s words, feelings & thoughts in the OG as he faces Aerith’s death.

Was it all a dream? Will I ever know?

Foolish and blind to everything Had I realized, had I noticed it sooner, Would you be here in my embrace?

Word. For. Word. These are literally Cloud’s feelings, pain and regrets after losing Aerith.

Then we have the chorus, where the references to Aerith are also clear because she’s always been known for her bright personality, and for keeping a smile on her face even in the hardest of times.

Remember how Kitase said that “If I had know this was coming, I’d have done things differently” was one of the feelings he wanted to inspire with Aerith’s death?

That is exactly what Cloud is singing about in this chorus. But this will become more obvious when we get to the end of the song.

This is honestly unequivocally about Aerith, who hid her pain and the weight of her mission behind smiles and comforting words to not pain Cloud and the others.

Hidden within your smile There were secrets

But I was empty I just demanded

This fits perfectly with how blinded Cloud was by his own pain after he lost her, and how this kept him from realizing the truth of her sacrifice.

Then there’s the second chorus, where Cloud once again sings about all the things he would do differently if only he were given a second chance.

And what he wants to do most of all, is to be able to notice Aerith’s pain and the truth hidden behind it.

What’s more, while players may have missed it given the graphics of the OG, Remake itself shows that this is indeed how Aerith is. She is always hiding her pain and heavy truths behind a smile. The perfect example comes in Aerith’s Resolution Scene in Chapter 14, where Aerith tries to reassure Cloud that she doesn’t mind staying in the Shinra Tower.

She does her best to keep a bright smile and a happy front. But if you look closely enough, you can see the sadness in her eyes, a clear reflection of her true feelings.

Lastly, we have Cloud facing the truth. That despite all his regrets, despite how hard he may wish to have a second chance, Aerith is gone. And the song takes us full-circle.

You’re no long here, so I’m empty. Again, this fits perfectly with the feeling Kitase wanted to evoke with Aerith’s death.

And Cloud feeling this way is also backed-up not only by his behavior in AC, but also by insight from Tifa, as shared in Dismantled:

Plus, of course: “She was gone in the blink of an eye. But the pain never went away.”

So really, given everything I’ve mentioned above, I just can’t see this song being about anyone but Aerith. Because the lyrics clearly evoke thoughts and emotions Cloud himself said about her in the original game.

And if you keep Aerith in mind, then...

The imagery of the song

In the Behind the Scenes, Uematsu also talks about the imagery that inspired the music. This is what he says about it:

Nojima also confirmed that [Cloud] “standing in the rain” was the second keyword he received to write the lyrics.

The moment I heard this, I thought of one particular scene from Advent Children:

This scene fits the imagery on multiple levels. Cloud is alone, standing on a barren and empty place, as rain pours over him. He lets the rain wash over him, eyes closed.

In this scene, that rain is Aerith’s Great Gospel. It starts falling the moment Kadaj hears Aerith’s voice, heals everyone it touches from Geostigma and Tifa outright speaks to Aerith as she watches a droplet of the rain.

Of course, there’s no way to know exactly what image Uematsu was talking about. But I find this particular scene quite fitting, given all the ties the song has to Aerith.

Not to mention that in the Final Fantasy 30th Exhibition, Aerith says the following about Cloud’s pain after her death: 「もう、泣かないで. 雨になっちゃうよ」 “Don’t cry. You’ll make it rain”. (source)

So, there we have an explicit link between rain — and Cloud’s anguish after he loses Aerith.

To wrap this up, I’ve seen people suggest that the song is about multiple people. I respect that everyone has the right to have a different view-point, but personally, I can’t help but to disagree with this particular one.

Could the song be about multiple people?

There is no evidence of this in the song. At no point does the song switch its focus. At the contrary, the references and themes remain the same all throughout-it — as does its subject.

Your shining smile = Once more, shine brightly = Once more, laugh again = Hidden within your smile, there were secrets = Had I noticed sooner, would you still be in my embrace? = Show me your smile one more, this time = I'll notice the truth hidden inside your tears

The subject and the imagery remain constant, so it’s safe to assume the song is about one person and one person only.

And given all the things mentioned above... I hope you can now see why I can’t think of anyone else but Aerith.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading!

#aerith gainsborough #cloud strife #clerith #fandom: ff7 #fandom: remake #spoilers #I love this song to death and I adore all the references it makes to the OG #so I couldn't help myself #that said I'm not going to enter any LTD debates about this so if anyone who reads this disagrees and thinks the song is about someone else #you're more than welcome to write your own analysis about it

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tipsydipsydo · 4 years

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Pairing: Hoseok x Reader

Gender of the Reader: female

Word Count: 3.7k

Alternative Universe: CEO! AU

Rating: 18+

Genre: Smut!

Warnings: Sexual Language + a bit Dirty Talk; Dom-/Sub-Themes (Dom! Hoseok x Sub! Reader); Sadism; Masochism; Degradation; Oral (m); Deepthroating; Cum-Eating; Sextoys; Lingerie; Pet-Play (Collar + Leash); Bondage; Spreader-Bar; Exhibtionism/Voyeurism; Teasing + Edging; Begging; Praising; Orgasm Control; rough (!) unprotected vaginal Sex (please stay safe!); very light mentions of alcohol (one sentences)

A/N: Over the weekend I looked through my old writing folders and... I think I've found some little diamonds in there.

Honestly, I'm impressed by myself.

I've rewritten the perspective of this story here and added some little details but in general I translated the original.

I hope you'll enjoy my old work as much as I did it. 😈💜

By the way... I wrote this story with barely 15.

Let me know what do you think about this story~ 👀🙈

Sneak Peak: "Laying open, completely helpless and so vulnerable in front of him. Presented like a meal on a silver tablet. His meal, his prey. Your wolf is starving, licking his lips with an animalistic and devilish smile at the sight of your parted pussy lips. Revealing his most desired things, this swollen and sensitive clit and this pretty tiny pussyhole. Clenching around nothing, literally begging to get filled with his fat cock and stuffed up with his cum until it’s leaking out of his little sweet swan..."

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Do not repost, plagiarize, translate or use any of my work in general!

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Please respect that. I’ll fight any illegal use of my work!

Thank you.

With a soft, barely audible click you open the door. A cold breeze welcomes you and caresses your body, giving you goosebumps. Slowly you step out of your bedroom and walk down the long corridor with well-considered steps.

The bright light of the full moon falls through the white, wide open double doors and guides your way. Your black heels clicking softly on the expensive parquet floor and the chains on the straps jingle seductively with every step, giving you self-confidence. Let you sound erotic and elegant without Hoseok even having seen you.

You pause within the frame of the double doors. Looking at the tall man, who’s standing at the huge panoramic window and looking down at Seoul. On the 20th floor you have a breathtaking view.

The moon is full and round, bathing everything in a soft, mystical light. The light breaks in Hoseok's dark hair and makes him look almost angelic. Even though you know he's the devil in an angel’s costume.

He doesn't turn around to you, waiting for you to come to him.

You look at him closely. The tailored suit fits perfectly around his muscular body. His body proportions are in perfect harmony, he’s a breathtaking attractive man. Add this to his height, it makes him look really intimidating. Sublime.

His face has sharp, masculine features. Controlled. He controls everything. He loves to possess power and to demonstrate it all too clearly. He never loses his temper or acts impulsively. When it comes to those sessions between you two, there are no actions leaded by emotions, only controlled and thoughtful activities. He knows behind every single one its meaning, why he does this.

His skin has a sensual and seductive honey-gold tone. In stark contrast, his eyes shine in a cool, almost black brown. You have never seen such a dark eye colour and maybe that’s it what attracts you to him.

This special, rare thing about him makes him incredibly attractive for you. It's like having a very rare diamond. It's the uniqueness of it that makes you want to own it. But in your case, it's the other way around. He owns you. And that's what makes you feel fulfilled.

Even though others may not see it that way, he gives you so much of himself. With it you not even mean the material things, he gives you so much of his love.

Yes, it’s love. His affection and loving torments, how he cares for you, the way he gives you commands and taking control. That is what fills you the most and it’s also the reason why you can give yourself completely to him. Hoseok takes your control and turns it into his own.

Others would panic if they were deprived of personal control. But if he takes it from you, then he will take care of you, so you can let yourself fall. Giving you more control than before. You trust him, he knows your limits and keeps to them strictly. He has control over everything and leaves nothing to luck or chance. That’s the reason why you trust him so much. He doesn’t act impulsively and rashly, he never crosses the boundaries.

This control, this power that he has and exercises on others is what fascinates you so much. You love this dominance in him, it gives you a sense of security and safety. He doesn’t make any mistakes, you can completely let yourself go with him. Finally you have found the person who fits you perfectly. He has this special power, dominance and control and what you want is to submit to him completely, to obey him.

Just the sight of him and this dominant aura around him excites you. You breathe out audibly and can hardly take your eyes off him. You know that you’re not undiscovered. Hoseok knows perfectly well that you are standing here, shamelessly staring at him. But he doesn't say anything, doesn't rebuke you, because he loves your awestruck, admiring gaze.

He knows exactly what kind of effect he has on you. He knows, no, he feels it in every fiber of his body how much you want to submit to him and beg him to give you any kind of relieve or satisfaction. His self-satisfied smile is already visible on his lips.

Your breath hitch, you shallow hard, your décolleté rises and falls quickly. Now you realize how hard your buds already are under the very fine tip of your negligee. The reason for this are these wild fantasies that are haunting you in your pretty head.

How you would love it to be tied to the bed again. Lying completely exposed under him, while he pours champagne over your breasts and letting it run over your stomach onto your until it collects in your navel. How much do you long for him to punish you when you are dying of lust and can't keep still...

Every warning bite on your nipples sent a wave of sweet pain through your body, causes that a lot more of your juice is flowing out of you. You can remember how you moaned as you writhed under him, completely exposed and helpless to face his punishments. You thought at first, he’d give you finally some relieve when he pushed the vibrator into your clenching hole. But still, he refused to let you cum...

His face was filled with pure satisfaction, he enjoyed hearing you beg... even dirty words left your otherwise shy mouth, out of pure desperation. That brought an amused smile on his lips.

Hoseok loves to demonstrate his power and influence, it amuses himself how quickly you've fallen for the devil. No wonder he keeps calling you "my defiled angel." But you are so aroused by his arrogance, his self-confidence and cockyness. There's nothing you can do about it. You've gone right into his trap. The big bad wolf has captured the innocent Swan. The dying swan. Blood, the dark red blood stains the snow-white, pure feathers, while the black wolf's canines around her throat.

"Turn the music on.” It’s the first thing that Hoseok say to you this night. His voice is deep and commanding, you obey his commands all too willingly.

You step quietly to the stereo and turn it on. His chosen CD must be already in the music player. Now the sounds of slow piano play and the dark, erotic voice of a woman fill the plain, unadorned room. White walls with light wooden beams, white leather couch and some fake fur blankets lie over the armrests of the furniture, which however look very real. A huge plasma TV dominates the room, together with some large boxes. On the right wall there is a huge bookshelf. Only filled with works in their original languages. Hoseok knows them all perfectly.

Your ears focus on the slow but stimulating song that comes quietly out of the speakers. Toxic. Involuntarily you have to think immediately of this korean man, who still looks unperturbed at the huge metropolis to his feet.

Too much time has passed, you made him wait, which he absolutely hates! You swallow nervously, at the sound of his voice you should have noticed it immediately! He sounded a little annoyed and waiting. Others would not have heard it, but you have already learned to hear that little difference. The emphasis of the words alone! God, how stupid and inattentive you are! Hoseok hates it when his counterpart doesn't concentrate completely on him and his wishes. Then he becomes very unpleasant and just his cold gaze punish you more than any spanks.

With a weak stomach and chewing nervously on your lower lip, you start moving and slowly walk towards him. The translucent chiffon hugs your naked thighs tenderly and the cool air on your uncovered womanhood shoots a stimulating tingle through your body. Under this almost completely transparent black negligee you’re wearing nothing.

Your face is adorned with a filigree venetian mask. It is made of black metal and the transparency of it gives you just little anonymity. At the ends it is adorned with dark green diamond particulas and and on the bridge of your nose sparkles an emerald diamond. At his request you wear this outfit.

Your breasts sways gently with every step, the lace fabric rubs against your hard nipples and let the hot ball in your abdomen grow bigger. The small lust balls swings a little in yourself, let hot shivers of lust running down your spine. The light swinging of the balls in your sextoy heats your desire up with every step, so that your arousal is already running down the insides of your thighs. Let the beguiling smell of femininity exude.

You have to bite your lower lip in order not to whimper out loudly and your hands turns into fists, you wish, you could touch yourself for some relief. You’re so unbelievable desperate, even you would call yourself pathetic. But without his own instructions, Hoseok wouldn't find this funny at all and would punish you without any mercy for your indiscipline.

"How can I serve you, Master?" you ask quietly, your head lowered submissively, after stopping a few meters behind your dom. At first, Hoseok doesn't react until he slowly turns around after two minutes. "Why did you wait so long, Y/N? Why were you late?" he asks in a calm, demure tone.

"I...I...", you start stuttering, looking for an excuse that doesn't sound as pathetic as the actual reason. That you were dreaming away and forgot the time. But Hoseok knows you and sees through your intentions immediately.

He steps towards you, threatening you and overtowering your small frame. His aura is suddenly freezing cold and even if you can't see his face, you know that you would only find cold anger and displeasure in it. How his jaw would be clench and his nostrils would be flaring as if he had actually problems to control himself. But his gaze is the most humiliating.

Cold, icy dark brown, almost black eyes. Showing only resentment and disappointment.

"Are you thinking about lying to me right now, Y/N?", he asks with a harsh and growling voice that has nothing in common with anything melodic anymore. You should have known never, really never lie to Mr. Jung Hoseok.

"Answer me!", he groan angrily and impatiently, assessing you like a hungry predator. As soon as you admit you wanted to lie to him, he will pounce on you and tear you apart. But that's what makes you hot, you like to play with fire, you like to test your limits with him, love the thrill and excitement of being punished again.

You’re so uncomfortable right in the moment, your gaze searches over shiny parquet floor, not daring to look up. You don't even know if you are allowed to. But this dangerous aura of Hoseok's dominance lets a little moan escape your throat. Lust takes over your body, taking every fiber of your whole being.

Finally you dare to look up carefully, but you doesn’t look him in the eye. "I-I'm sorry, M-Master..." you mumble inaudibly. A sigh comes from your husband, who shakes his head. The moonlight shimmers in his hair, reminding you a bit of the velvety fur of a black panther.

"...And I thought I reached you better. Why are you always so dreamy and inattentive? Is it that what you want? Do you long for punishments, my little swan?," he cooed as he approached you and grabbed your hair, pulling it not really gently back so you would look at him. His black eyes searching yours, looking inside you. He can read your mind you like an open book.

He sees all your desires, your desires for him. The desire to submit to him and to let the dirtiest things be done to you. It makes you hot, it makes you horny. Pure desire, lust and despair pulsates through your body. Sexual need, the longing for sex, naughty play sessions, punishment and redemption dominates your mind and body. A greedy fire of passive passion blazes hot inside you.

His gaze, which consumes everything of you, frees you with his eyes from the little bit of cloth, which you still carry on your body. Exposes and humiliates you. But you love to e under control of this dominant Korean man, following his will. The confirmation can be seen on your body, your arousal can almost be smelled.

You want to swallow, but your body trembles with excitement like aspen leaves and a thin layer of sweat lies on your skin. The tight-fitting choker collar with its many details and chains reminds you at this moment more of a dog collar... It turns out for a good reason.

A pant leaves your full lips and you look at him with eyes, veiled in lust. "Please punish me, Master! I-I want, I need to be punished for my stupidity! M-Make anything you want with me!" it bursts out of you, your voice trembles in lust. He begins to smile arrogantly and amusedly, releases your hair from his merciless grip and instead gently caresses your neck.

"Good girl...", he says tenderly, praises you for having realized that you deserve an appropriate punishment for your misconduct. Suddenly he pushes your hair on your left shoulder, to get to the clasp of the chocker. Then something very cold hits your warm neck, causing you to flinch. You look up confused and discover a black leather leash, that is attached to your choker. Hoseok encourages you with an uninterpretable smile and tug on the leash.

"Come, my little.", he commands and you follow him well-behaved. A wild tingling sensation takes over your body and you are so curious to know what he has planned for you. A lustful moaning escapes your mouth when you see where he is leading you.

To your pleasure room.

He opens the room quietly and you enjoy the smell that is still hanging in the air. Suede, lacquer and a little bit more of the sparkling sweetness of your past play sessions. The light is dimmed, gives the whole thing an erotic-sensual touch. Your relationship is a little different.

Of course, he punishes you with tender slaps and spanks, tortures you until you die of sweet pain that’s paired up with irrepressible lust, but with you everything is based more on the balance of power.

You enjoy being submissive, being given orders and being dominated. He loves to demonstrate his power to control you. It doesn't have to have anything to do with physical pain, it's simply about the principle of power play. It excites you to be led and humiliated by him. To see his proud and superior, but also lustful smile.

Your master goes to the restored, antique-looking wing chair with the mahogany wooden feet. He sits down in it and straightens up in the armchair almost threateningly. "On your knees," he says in a commanding tone, that is otherwise only found in the military and make an elegant gesture to you, to get down on your knees.

Your heart makes a jump, his commanding voice only makes your pussy lips and clitoris swell even more. What would you give to have him eating you out. What... what would he do it if you’re literally offering yourself to him? But you do what you are ordered to, kneeling down to his feet and waiting for that what comes next.

"And now... lick them off", the order comes from above and he holds out his shiny polished brown suede shoe. You falter... You have to lick his shoes...? Unsure you look up to him with an questioning look. A nod of encouragement is returns to you. You swallow before carefully taking his left foot in your hands and holding it to your lips.

This really makes you a bit uncomfortable and that's exactly why there is such a treacherous pull in your abdomen. Only more of your juice is flowing down your thigh. A little bit awkwardly you start to lick over the leather, getting over the time more and more eager and you end up enjoying it even in a precarious way. The bitter taste of material is new for you, but with shy looks you squint at Hoseok, who obviously enjoys the sight. Lust seizes your body anew and you surrender completely to your humiliating punishment.

He grabs a handful of your hair and pulls you up a little. Between his legs, to his crotch. You look at him excitedly and this animal lust in his dark eyes says more than every word.

Eagerly you open his trousers and pull down the waistband of his black shorts. His rock-hard cock jumps towards you and almost unrestrainedly you give yourself to his unspoken command. Licking all over this gorgeous shaft, massaging his balls and inhaling this musky scent of his groins. Pulling the foreskin back from his tip to give sweet kitten licks on his exposed crown.

Hoseok's lustful look lies heavy on you, until he puts a hand on the back of your head and decides for himself what you do or don't do. He fucks your mouth in a controlled manner, guides your head and you enjoy the salty taste of his presumably on your nimble tongue. A muffled groan rises up Hoseok's throat before his cum runs down your throat. Willingly you swallow everything, licking lasciviously over your lips and give him a seductive look. You love that smug look on his face.

"Such a good little swan you are for me...," he rewards you, gets up an lead you to the finally giant king-size bed, which is covered in black silk.

He ties your leath tightly to the metal crossbars on the headboard so that you can hardly move. Exactly this fact causes a wave of electrifying lust flickers through you and you whimper willingly as you have to pull your knees up to your chest, as he ties your wrists with red rope to your ankles and attaches a spreader bar between your knees.

He smiles smugly at you, your whole body is almost completely consumed by the pleasure you feel in being so exposed to him. His hand tenderly caresses your sweaty thigh and his fingertips play with your swollen clitoris. Then he clears his throat.

"My little swan... You have mastered your punishment so well, now you may have the right to choose a reward... what would it be?" he asked tenderly and his dark lustblown pupils look into yours. You tremble under his haunting gaze, your body soon burns from the inside out, such heat rages within you. The wish is already on your tongue, but your shame is still too big to say it out loud.

"What do you wish, my beautiful swan?," Hoseok encouraged you with his dark, erotic voice and a... kinda diabolical smile.

"Fuck me, Master! P-Please! I-I want you to stretch my tiny pussy open with your hard cock, I want you to be merciless, ruin me like you desire and fill me up with your thick cum!", you almost scream out with dark red cheeks. In that moment, he had pulled the lustballs out of you, with only one single tug.

You breath quickly, panting almost like a dog bitch in heat. Laying open, completely helpless and so vulnerable in front of him. Presented like a meal on a silver tablet. His meal, his prey. Your wolf is starving, licking his lips with an aminalistic and devilish smile at the sight of your parted pussy lips. Revealing his most desired things, this swollen and sensitive clit and this pretty tiny pussyhole. Clenching around nothing, literally begging to get filled with his fat cock and stuffed up with his cum until it’s leaking out of his little sweet swan.

Without any warning Hoseok sinks mercilessly and deeply into you, didn’t let you adjust to his long and girthy length. The rhythm is hard and fast. It’s exactly what you were begging for. Lust has taken over your mind and there was no room for shame. Hoseok pants heavily and bury himself deeper and deeper into you, reaching your cervix what let you cry out in pain and pleasure. You hardly know how to handle your lust, it feels like as if everything is already too much but still not enough to pleasure the greedy desire in your body. He fucks you so good, you’re overflowing with juices.

Your pussy makes lewd squelching sounds, these noise turns you on beyond belief and let your desperate cunt literally dripping onto the sheets. The smell of primal, animalistic and uninhibited sex is hanging heavily in the air. Hoseok's white dress shirt gets sweat stains and this sight, this feeling of his pure lust makes you float.

You’re getting closer and closer in no time. The fact of getting brutally used only for Hoseok’s own pleasure let your own lust increase, building it higher and higher into the sky. The thought alone to know, that he’ll take you this night definitely to the point of pure exhaustion gets you high. Yes, maybe you are a nymphomaniac, but at this moment you want nothing more than to get fucked and breeded by Hoseok like the cockslut you truly are.

Your body burns, is ablaze with light and finally... finally that moment comes when all that pent-up lust bursts out of you. Your body trembles and you scream, whimpering out the lust of your orgasm. The world explodes before your inner eye in the most beautiful colors.

Only a few minutes later, Hoseok is already sitting in front of you again, smiling devilishly and watching his cum slowly dripping out of you.

The night has just begun.

Yes, you are the fallen angel who has fallen to the devil.

You are the white swan who fell victim to the black wolf.

#tipsydipsydo #bts writing #btswritersnet #bangtanhq #hopeworldnet #hyungsmutsociety #dom! hoseok #bts smut #tipsy was always kinky af #bts x reader #kinky since birth xD #kpop smut #hoseok smut #ceo hoseok #hoseok x reader #kinky tipsy

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babysizedfics · 4 years

Note

okok so i dont know if virgil would like it (bc of the separation anxiety) but how does he feel abt peek a boo? i imagine his cgs would make it super fun! like have him on his mama’s lap with his papa in front of him and theyre like “wheres the baby??” and pat covers his eyes “there he is!!” and pat gets all happy and excited to see virgil so v gets all excited which makes pat even mOre excited so v gets lil happy kissies!!!! (can u tell ive been wanting to play peek a boo hdhdj)

I HAD TO SCREAM INTO A PILLOW

I hope you don't mind but i made this into a fic it was essential it was unavoidable i was crying as i wrote this

Title: Peekaboo!

Summary: Logan is a shy new caregiver, Patton learns what separation anxiety is, and Virgil disappears then reappears and is a very confused baby.

Word count: 6,600

Note: Set before the events of Little Accidents, Big Developments (AO3 | tumblr)

Also on AO3

oOo

It had been a somewhat slow day. Roman had been holed up in his room for most of it, rehearsing for an audition that Thomas had landed for the following week. He was working rather relentlessly, though Patton had been sure to request that he at least leave his room for mealtimes - and Logan had outright demanded it when Roman stubbornly refused. After a very speedy lunch, Roman was back in his room and the other three were left to their own devices in the living room.

Quite understandably, Patton had noticed Virgil was much antsier that afternoon. Probably because Roman was constantly talking about how absolutely essential it was that Thomas did not mess up a single line in next week’s audition and that he personally would “enter into a state of devastated mourning should this chance at stardom be killed and dashed across the stage floor”.

That had evidently sent Virgil’s anxiety into a downward spiral. After the fourth shaky sigh in as many minutes from the younger side’s lips, Patton shook his head and twisted on the couch to look at him.

‘Okay, that’s enough,’ Patton said, giving a rare stern look to the boy who was currently pacing the living room floor and looking just about ready to tear his hair out. ‘No more worrying, Stormcloud.’

‘I can’t help it!’ Virgil whispered quite fiercely. His eyes were wide and though they looked in Patton’s direction, it was as if his gaze was fixed a mile in the distance, likely imagining a variation of disastrous scenarios. ‘We could choke or trip or literally do the worst performance ever and Roman would be depressed and then we might not be able to make videos for months because he’s so distraught and what if it was all my fault? What if I was the one to make Thomas mess up and then Roman would hate me and -’

‘Breathe,’ Logan commanded from where he sat in the armchair reading a book.

As if being shaken from a spell, Virgil’s frantic pacing halted and he gasped in a breath.

‘It was not your fault because it has not happened. Roman won’t hate you because even if it did happen, the blame could not fall solely on your shoulders. Everything is going to be all right, Virgil.’

At Logan’s reassuring words, Virgil nodded slightly to himself, his eyes fixed on his feet as he took in steady, though shallow breaths.

Patton bit his lip for a moment in thought. It was obvious that Virgil would not be able to get past this anxiety without a distraction… and what better distraction than being a baby?

With a firm nod to himself that meant Yes, this is definitely the only solution. Not just because I love looking after my baby, of course, Patton switched the TV over from the show he had been watching to Guess How Much I Love You, one of Virgil’s favourite cartoons in littlespace.

As soon as the bright musical score started playing, Virgil and Logan’s gazes both snapped up to the screen. The older one smiled slightly while the younger side’s thumb flew to his mouth in an instant. He began nibbling on his nail as a young child’s voice sang the opening song:

“Dancing through springtime,

Flowers are raised in summer sun,

Catching white snowflakes on your nose,

Running through autumn leaves that float from trees from high,

With a love that is bigger than the sky”

Patton beamed at how Virgil seemed fully enraptured by the animated rabbit and bright flowers on the screen. The moral side happily joined in singing his favourite part of the song, all while gazing at Virgil.

‘Guess how much I love you, guess how much I love you -’ he held his arms out to Virgil in an invitation for a hug ‘- Guess how much I love you!’

‘’M not little,’ Virgil mumbled with a strong blush gracing his cheeks. It was so quiet that Patton wouldn’t be surprised if Logan had not been able to hear it, being slightly further away from them.

‘I know, sweetheart,’ Patton said gently through a smile, knowing that Virgil’s statement wouldn’t be true for very long. His arms remained open. ‘But maybe we can just watch a bit and see if it helps you calm down.’

There was a stiff nod and within a few seconds Virgil had plopped down onto the couch beside Patton, instantly snuggling up to him.

Patton allowed himself a small chuckle as he wrapped his arms around Virgil and pulled him into his lap. Seeing Logan’s proud smile filled him with far more joy than he was currently able to express if he didn’t want to accidentally fling Virgil off of his lap, so he let it fizzle away in his chest with a bright grin. As he settled back to watch the show, he pretended not to notice his baby’s thumb slipping into his mouth.

Needless to say, by the end of the ten-minute episode, Virgil was entirely gone.

‘Papa?’

Patton nearly squealed. He wasn’t quite over his excitement for Virgil’s new nickname for him. ‘Yes, my sweet little fieldmouse?’

‘Peas Minpy?’ Virgil garbled around his thumb, twisting his head to look pleadingly at Patton.

That look… Virgil had no idea what that look did to Patton’s heart. With a firm hand on his chest, Patton said, ‘Okay, baby. Let’s go upstairs and get Minty.’

‘I can fetch them,’ Logan quickly announced from the armchair. Patton watched as he snapped his book shut quite hurriedly, stood, paused for a second as he clearly got a head-rush from standing so fast, then made his way over to them. ‘I’m going to go and get Minty for you, Virgil,’ he explained, leaning down to be eye level with them.

His hand reached forward hesitantly and patted Virgil’s head twice, to which the regressor replied with a giggle and a poke to Logan’s wrist.

Patton fought very hard to contain an adoring smile as Logan’s cheeks flushed before he bustled out of the living room. The logical side was a little awkward in his attempts at physical affection, but they never failed to put a smile on Virgil’s face so Patton could hardly tease him about it. And it wasn’t Logan’s fault that cuddles and kisses didn’t come as naturally to him as they did to Patton. He was trying, and it only made Patton all the more smitten with him.

Feeling his cheeks warm at that thought, Patton quickly busied himself with holding Virgil’s hand (the one that was not currently glued to his chin while he sucked his thumb) and started circling his finger on the little one’s palm. ‘Round and round the garden, like a teddy bear…’

After a short while of singing and tickling and giggling, Logan returned with Minty in tow. One of Virgil’s little baby blankets was slung over his shoulder. At Patton’s raised eyebrow he shrugged it with a short explanation of: ‘Just in case he needs it.’

Virgil snatched his thumb out of his mouth with a muted pop and held his hands out to the soft toy with a whine.

‘Can you remember what word we say when we want something?’ Patton nudged Virgil slightly, though kept him in a firm embrace to make sure the boy didn’t topple off of his lap with his lack of balance.

Virgil’s face turned back to him. He opened his mouth as if ready to say something then frowned and snapped his jaw shut with a pout. Another whine came forth, this time sounding a bit upset.

‘Aww, are you too little, sweetie?’ Patton cooed. Virgil’s head suddenly collapsed onto his shoulder and he heard a sniffle. ‘No, no, it’s okay. It’s all right, baby,’ he hastened to reassure, bringing his hand up to stroke Virgil’s hair soothingly. He really was so sensitive when he was this small, it was difficult to avoid upsetting him. That was one thing that had been difficult to come to terms with when Patton first became Virgil’s caregiver. ‘You’re allowed to be as little as you want.’

The cushion beneath him dipped and he realised the sudden firm warmth pressing against his arm was Logan, who was sitting incredibly close to him. It was difficult not to blush. And so Patton did blush.

‘Virgil, look who has come to see you,’ Logan said so warmly that it melted Patton’s heart.

A curious baby pulled his face off of Patton’s shoulder and all remnants of upset on his features were quickly replaced by sheer happiness. Patton thought it would never get old, seeing Virgil’s eyes sparkle with such rare joy.

A lopsided grin stretched Logan’s lips as he pressed the stuffed dinosaur into the crook of Virgil’s arm. ‘There we are.’

The sweetest little squeak sounded as Virgil sat more upright on Patton’s lap and hugged the toy tightly, burying his face in its fur.

‘So much for not being little,’ Logan murmured lowly by Patton’s ear in an amused tone. The rumble of it resonated right through the moral side’s chest and left him dumbstruck.

‘Yeah,’ Patton breathed, not being able to think of anything much smarter to add.

oOo

Twenty minutes and a couple more episodes of Guess How Much I Love You later, Patton and Virgil (now with a pacifier) were being silly on the carpet. By being silly, they were quite literally just making funny faces at each other and then taking a minute’s break while they calmed down from all of the giggles and aching smiles than ensued.

Logan, being “not one for such tomfoolery”, was back to reading in the armchair. Though Patton had noticed that he was tending to spend more and more time on each page as he cast more and more glances over to the two on the carpet.

It was quite evident that Logan was eager to take care of Virgil, and it was becoming more prominent every day. He was incredibly passionate about the idea when he had first discussed it with Patton nearly a month previously and had been damn near ecstatic when Virgil had agreed to the suggestion. Though, going by his timidity and shy glances when Patton was caring for Virgil around him, it seemed his nerves were getting the better of him. Well, Patton couldn’t have that at all.

‘Oh, you’re such a silly baby!’ Patton chuckled when Virgil scrunched up his face as if he had eaten a lemon slice. ‘Papa’s gonna be right back, sweetheart.’

Without much delay, Patton jumped up with a big smile and ruffled Virgil’s hair, only just noticing that his face had fallen as he walked away. He would be fine, especially with Logan looking after him.

‘Where are you going?!’ Logan practically shrieked, his eyes wide and staring at Patton in disbelief.

Patton couldn’t help but giggle. ‘I’m just going to pee. You can watch Virgil while I’m gone!’ he cried a bit too excitedly if the look of suspicion on Logan’s face was anything to go by. ‘Come on, Lo. You are his other caregiver, aren’t you?’

That seemed to humble Logan as he looked to his lap and fidgeted with his tie. ‘Yes, I - of course.’

As Patton moved out into the hallway he heard Logan sliding off of his chair and talking to Virgil in quiet, gentle tones. He smiled, knowing that Logan truly did have it in him to be a carer, he just needed some encouragement.

Within mere minutes Patton was on his way back to the living room. If he took his bathroom trip quite languidly and chose to use the upstairs bathroom just to have a longer journey, he was sure no-one would have noticed. It was all for a good cause, after all. Though, he began to doubt this reasoning when he became aware of wet sniffles and whimpers and frantic hushes coming from the living room.

‘Logan, is everything okay?’ Patton asked as he pushed the door open.

He was met with the sight of a red-faced, tear-stained Virgil pulling very harshly on his pacifier handle. Logan was knelt beside him, holding his hands out in a placating gesture and looking quite concerned.

It only took a second or so for Patton to drop by Virgil’s side and immediately wrap him in a warm hug. The younger’s crying slowed as he buried his face in Patton’s chest.

‘What happened?’ Patton whispered, looking up at Logan’s bewildered stare.

‘He started crying the minute you left,’ Logan said, his brow furrowed (beautifully), ‘but I could not find any indication of injury or anything in the vicinity that might have caused such a sudden drop in mood.’

‘Oh, sweetheart,’ Patton murmured sadly as he gazed upon his curled up baby, suddenly understanding. He lifted Virgil slightly to bring him into his lap. ‘It’s okay, Lo. Sometimes he does that when I leave him for a bit.’

Just as with every time previously, Virgil’s tears had completely subsided now that he was in Patton’s embrace. Rather than whimpers and sniffles, the only sounds coming from him were the suckling of his pacifier and a small sigh of content.

Logan seemed thrown off by the sudden change. ‘He cries when you leave the room? Is there no suggestion that he could be upset by extraneous variables in these situations?’

‘I don’t know much about “ex-trainer vary balls” but nothing else happens to make him cry.’ Patton tightened his hold around Virgil protectively. ‘He just misses his papa.’

The way Logan’s frown pulled down even more was slightly less cute this time, only because it made Patton worry.

‘Patton, I don’t believe this qualifies as “just missing his papa”. This may be a case of separation anxiety.’

Even as his baby snuggled into him further, Patton felt his heart sink. ‘That doesn’t sound very nice. What is it?’

‘In short, it means that he is aware enough to realise just how dependent he is on you, but not in an old enough headspace to have a solid understanding of object permanence.’ Patton’s confusion must have shown on his face because Logan immediately elaborated, ‘When something leaves his line of sight, he believes it has ceased to exist.’

‘Oh, that can’t be right.’ Patton looked down at the sleepy boy in his lap. ‘No, he must know I’m still gonna come back to him. I always come back to him.’ Purple tendrils of hair parted around his fingertips as he stroked his little one’s head.

‘Allow me to demonstrate,’ Logan said, then picked Minty up from where they had apparently been abandoned on the carpet. ‘Virgil,’ he called, ‘Vee, look over here. Look at Minty.’

With a little snuffle, Virgil lifted his head from Patton’s shoulder. It was noticeable how his eyes sparkled upon seeing his favourite toy. ‘Minpy!’ he squealed in excitement.

‘Aww,’ Patton cooed, unable to hide his adoration for just how sweet his little boy was.

‘Don’t you think he was surprised to see Minty?’ Logan questioned, holding Minty just out of reach from Virgil who was starting to whine as he held his arm out to the toy.

‘Well… I guess so, but that doesn’t mean -’

Minty was suddenly pulled away and hidden behind Logan’s back, completely out of sight. An expression of fake-surprise crossed Logan’s features as he looked at Virgil. ‘Where did Minty go, Vee?’

Watching Virgil’s reaction, Patton was beginning to understand what Logan meant. A mild panic had clouded over Virgil’s eyes and he looked frantically between Patton’s face and Logan’s now empty hand. It wasn’t long before the whimpering started anew.

‘Sweetie, it’s okay,’ Patton murmured, rocking him slightly on his lap. ‘You remember where Minty went, don’t you?’

Wet eyes locked onto his. ‘Gom,’ Virgil whispered forlornly.

‘He’s not gone, baby. See.’ Patton sent a pointed look to Logan, to which the logical side at least had the decency to appear embarrassed by his experiment and pulled Minty back out from behind him.

Virgil gasped through his pacifier, apparently shocked by the toy’s sudden reappearance. He whined and made desperate grabby hands at the toy.

‘There you go, Virgil.’ The toy was pushed into Virgil’s hands and instantly squeezed against his chest in a tight hug. Logan looked back up to Patton a little shyly. ‘I apologise for upsetting him. I had to prove my hypothesis.’

A sigh escaped Patton as he swayed his baby gently. Logan did honestly look remorseful, and he had shown Patton what object permanence was (or more what it wasn’t) so perhaps it was all right. Even if it hadn’t been in a very fun way. ‘So, does he think I… I die when I leave the room?’ he whispered shakily.

‘Not nearly so morbid,’ Logan reassured, actually reaching out to stroke his finger across Virgil’s knuckle. It was a very small act of affection, but Patton appreciated it nonetheless. ‘He does not have the mental capacity to think about anything that he cannot see. When you leave him, he cannot see you and so all he can think about at that moment is your absence, rather than believe you could exist somewhere that is not with him.’

The strangest bittersweet feeling swirled in Patton’s chest. Sure, it was kind of cute that Virgil loved and needed his papa so much that he always wanted to be with him. But Patton couldn’t be with him all the time. He did his best, of course, but he couldn’t exactly go hours without needing to go to the bathroom or fetching something from the cupboard.

‘Can we maybe fix it?’ Patton asked.

That crinkle in between Logan’s eyebrows came forth again and Patton longed to press his lips against it and smooth it out with a kiss. ‘There are simple activities we can do to try to reinforce object permanence. Though given the fact that he is not truly a developing child, I am unsure if they will have any effect on him.’

‘It’s worth a try though, right?’ Patton didn’t want his baby to be needlessly upset if they could help it.

A soft smile stretched Logan’s lips, and it made it quite tricky to remain worried. ‘It’s worth a try.’

And try they did. They really did.

As per Logan’s suggestion, they started with Patton leaving the room for progressively longer bouts of time. Thirty seconds, then one minute, then two minutes, and et cetera. At least, that had been the plan. In practice, it was much more resemblant of ten seconds, Virgil’s distressed whimpering, and Patton dashing back to comfort his baby. Then ten seconds, then Virgil whimpering, then Patton dashing. Ten seconds, whimpering, dashing. All in all, they considered it a failed attempt. (Patton was very glad that Logan didn’t reprimand him for ruining the experiment.) (‘You didn’t ruin anything, Patton.’)

The next activity was hiding objects and showing Virgil that they would always be revealed again. Minty had been the first choice, though Virgil was still rather distressed from their first activity and was clinging onto the toy tightly. The caregivers came to a silent agreement that it would not be fair to take away his comfort item. They instead attempted to hide things from around the room; little trinkets such as a photo frame or one of Roman’s sketchpads he had left lying around.

Virgil at least did not start crying whenever they were hidden behind Logan’s back or under his baby blanket. In fact, he hardly seemed to notice them disappear at all. No matter how much baby-talk and coaxing from Patton and Logan, the regressor did not react to them and only frowned and buried his head against Patton’s chest with a whine that almost resembled a groan of annoyance. Apparently he was entirely uninterested in the activity when it concerned such boring objects.

‘Virgil, look. Roman’s drawings are all gone,’ Logan announced, pulling the blankie over the sketchpad for the fourth time. Patton felt Virgil’s head roll on his chest lazily to look. ‘And now -’ Logan pulled the blanket back with a little gasp, revealing the book, ‘- there they are, they came back!’

‘Wow, would you look at that!’ Patton gasped, shaking Virgil very gently to try to excite him.

A soft grunt sounded before Virgil buried his pouting face in Minty’s tummy.

Both caregivers sighed.

‘Perhaps this activity is too impersonal to interest him,’ Logan mumbled, looking more than a little disheartened.

It wasn’t a surprise, given how passionate Logan was about educational activities. Despite the logical side’s hesitance with being solely responsible for a regressed Virgil, he had displayed plenty of interest in the boy’s wellbeing. Over the past few weeks wherein he had been subject to Virgil’s regression, Logan had had plenty of input in ways Patton could play with him and similarly teach him things that his regressed self had not known before. Patton, in turn, had convinced Logan that he himself partake in the activities too, and hence Virgil’s comfort around him had been gradually growing.

So seeing how disappointed Logan was by Virgil despondence for this activity, Patton absolutely had to do something to remedy it. He just had a fussy baby to get through first.

‘Oh no!’ Patton cried, knowing that it would be enough to get Virgil’s attention. As expected, the baby looked up from his toy still adorning a frown as he suckled his pacifier. ‘Vee, I’ve lost something very important and I can’t find it!’

Virgil’s grumpy expression melted into a worried one and he looked over to Logan. Then he pointed at the other side and whined at Patton.

A giggle worked its way through Patton’s words as he explained, ‘No, I didn’t lose Logan. I can’t find my happy little baby anywhere!’

Shyness replaced Virgil’s confusion as Minty was pulled up to cover most of his face.

‘Is he…’ Patton hummed in thought for a moment, then fluttered his finger under Virgil’s ear, ‘over here?’

A little squeak was muffled behind Minty as Virgil’s eyes crinkled. But, Patton thought in amusement, he still couldn’t see Virgil’s smile, so technically it didn’t count.

‘No?’ Patton gasped, then moved his finger down to wiggle over the sole of Virgil’s socked foot. ‘Is he under there?’

With a strained giggle, Virgil dropped Minty to push at Patton’s hand quite weakly. His dimples were starting to show.

Biting his lip around a grin, Patton released Virgil’s foot but then started circling his finger around in midair teasingly. ‘Oh, I wonder where my happy little one could be.’

‘Papa!’ Virgil called, giggling around his pacifier.

‘Oh my, I think I heard him!’ Patton’s finger started wriggling and moving towards Virgil’s tummy. ‘Could he be in here?’

He slid his finger under Virgil’s shirt and started squiggling over his tummy. Virgil was immediately squirming in his lap, giggling uncontrollably.

‘There’s my happy baby!’ Patton laughed.

For another couple of moments, the room was filled with the sounds of Virgil’s bright laughter and the soft kicks of his feet against the carpet. Then Logan spoke up:

‘Actually, this poses another suggestion.’

Patton twisted in his place, keeping a firm hold on Virgil who was still calming from his giggles. At some point during the tickle attack, Logan had apparently moved back to the armchair. While he was sitting quite stiffly and avoiding Patton’s eyes, there was a slight twist in his lips that suggested he was holding back a smile.

‘What’s that, Loganberry?’

A half-hearted scoff greeted that nickname, though Logan continued regardless. ‘Playing Where’s the baby? - otherwise referred to as Peekaboo - is a commonly used tactic in teaching object permanence in infants.’

‘Oh, how adorable!’ At once, Patton shuffled both him and Virgil to face Logan on the carpet, supporting Virgil in sitting upright. He was eagerly peering over Virgil’s head at Logan. Patton wouldn’t miss this for the world! ‘Whenever you’re ready.’

Logan bridled in his seat a little. ‘I, um… Well, I anticipated that you would want to do it, Patton.’

‘Oh.’ The slump of Patton’s shoulders was probably more noticeable than he would have liked. Was he asking too much of Logan to play a game like that with their baby? The logical side has always been sensitive to looking less than serious. ‘Of course,’ Patton nodded, regretting that his voice sounded strained.

‘Wait, no. I -’ The words stuttered to a halt as Logan closed his eyes and took a deep, likely steadying breath. When his eyes opened again, he looked down at Virgil with a soft, open expression. ‘Shall we play a game, Vee?’

Pride swelled in Patton’s chest.

The weight on his lap shifted as Virgil turned around to look at him. His expression wasn’t too easily read, but Patton knew he was simply seeking affirmation and so he encouraged him. ‘That’ll be fun, won’t it, baby?’

Seemingly satisfied, Virgil turned back to Logan and made a hum of assent.

It would never be spoken aloud, but Patton was quite sure that both he and Logan acknowledged just how awkward the logical side felt in that moment.

With a quiet clearing of his throat, Logan lifted the baby blanket from the floor and held it up in the air in front of him, concealing his face. After a moment, the fabric dropped to his feet to reveal Logan’s face - adorned with a faint blush.

‘Peekaboo,’ he said in an incredibly unfitting monotone.

A wince fought to crumple Patton’s face, but he battled it fiercely. As was to be expected, Virgil did not react much to Logan’s weak exclamation.

‘That did not have the desired effect,’ Logan grumbled, his cheeks a deep shade of pink now.

‘Aw, come on. Maybe you could try again with a bit more, y’know,’ Patton stalled, shrugging his shoulders with a guilty smile, ‘feeling.’

Logan’s eyes darted between Patton’s face, the blanket on the floor, and Virgil. Then he shook his head rapidly and muttered to his lap, ‘This was a silly suggestion. Forgive me.’

Being overcome by a wave of sympathy, Patton offered, ‘Here, why don’t we switch?’

He gripped Virgil tightly and rose from the floor with his baby in his arms. Virgil only had the chance to whine for half a second (he didn’t respond too well to being picked up a lot of the time) before Patton was easing him into Logan’s lap.

‘Uh, Pat - Patton…’ Logan stuttered, going stiff in his seat.

Ignoring the nervous protest, Patton persisted and situated Virgil further back on Logan’s lap so that the regressor leant against Logan’s chest. ‘There we are, sweetheart.’

It was met with a high-pitched whine and one of Virgil’s hands reaching out to him again as he leant forward to chase his papa.

Logan quickly caught Virgil’s shoulders before the boy swayed too far to one side. ‘Are you certain this is all right?’ he asked quite breathlessly. ‘I haven’t held him before, I don’t -’

‘Logan, don’t worry.’ It was almost amusing how wide Logan’s eyes were. Patton sent both of his boys the most comforting smile he had to offer. ‘I’m sure Mommy Logan is plenty capable of holding a baby in his lap.’

Both sides on the couch spoke simultaneously:

‘“Mommy Logan”?’

‘Mama?’

Virgil’s tiny voice filled Patton with such intense awe, he could hardly breathe past the swell of adoration in his chest.

He just smiled and with each hand offered a supportive touch to the two on the couch - a hair stroke for Virgil and a shoulder squeeze for Logan. He directed his next words at Virgil, knowing Logan wouldn’t be able to argue with his baby-talk. ‘Yes, baby. You’ve got a papa already, haven’t you? So now you’ve got a mama too!’

In a somewhat unexpected change of heart, Virgil’s upset at being away from his papa dissipated and he sank back against Logan’s chest quite happily.

Logan’s arms had fallen forward to secure around Virgil much in the same fashion as a seatbelt.

The decision to be so unapologetic and forward about suggesting “Mommy Logan” had been a risky one on Patton’s behalf, though seeing the gentle smile that softened Logan’s face thwarted any lingering doubts he had harboured about it.

‘I suppose that makes sense,’ Logan murmured, absently stroking his thumb over Virgil's shoulder and gazing down at him as if in a trance. ‘I can be Mama Logan.’

Going by Logan’s expression, Patton was sure he recognised the feeling that lay behind it. Patton knew it well; being entranced by the vulnerability and innocence and sweetness of the person who now relied on you to take care of them. It was the feeling of protectiveness. The paternal instinct. It was love.

He did his best not to tear up at seeing it displayed so openly in Logan’s eyes.

‘Okay, baby, are we ready to play?’ His happy tone was only moderately hindered by his tearfulness.

Virgil bounced a little in Logan’s lap (which earned him a surprised chuckle from the logical side) and nodded, squeezing Minty tighter in his hands.

‘Here we go!’ Patton announced, then leaned forward. He covered Virgil’s eyes with the palms of his hands. The confused squeak from Virgil forced Patton to bite his lip to conceal a giggle. After a couple of seconds, he lowered his hands and with a bright smile. ‘Peekaboo!’

There was certainly more of a reaction in comparison to Logan’s monotonous attempt, though it was not exactly the expected one. Where Patton expected to find an excited glimmer in Virgil’s eyes, he only saw confusion and upset.

Undeterred, Patton simply laughed it off. ‘There you are! And now…’ He covered Virgil’s eyes again, slightly concerned at his small whimper. When he lowered his hands and called, ‘Peekaboo!’ again, Virgil outright pouted at him.

‘What’s the matter, baby?’

‘I think he may have sensory issues with you covering his eyes,’ Logan suggested gently.

Patton observed how Virgil had instantly started rubbing at his eyes once Patton’s hands had pulled away from them. ‘Was it a yucky feeling, Vee?’ he asked.

A little nod and whine from the regressor confirmed the suspicion.

‘Aw, honey, I’m sorry,’ Patton cooed, feeling his heart sink with guilt. He had to remind himself to be careful of Virgil’s sensitivities. It was certainly proving to be a learning curve for the touchy-feely father figure.

Logan seemed to have regained some of his usual confidence and spoke without an ounce of hesitation, ‘I suggest you attempt it with his blanket instead.’

Glad for Logan’s to-the-point problem solving, Patton picked the blankie up. The material was unfathomably soft and always calmed Virgil down after he had been subjected to “yucky” textures, so he was sure it would help with their game.

‘All right, let’s try this again. Ready?’ Patton held the blanket taut and dropped it over Virgil’s head. An even louder whimper this time sounded from underneath it and Patton shared a concerned glance with Logan.

‘Papa!’ Virgil called out in panic. His grip on Minty was tight enough that the soft toy bulged between his fingers.

Patton hurriedly lifted the blanket again, ready to exclaim “peekaboo”, but was heartbroken to see Virgil’s eyes glossed over with tears.

Virgil whined as soon as he seemed to notice Patton. He dropped Minty to Logan’s lap so that he could hold his arms out. ‘Papa,’ he whispered, sounding close to tears.

‘Hey, hey, don’t cry, baby,’ Patton soothed, wrapping Virgil in a quick hug (that just so happened to include Logan, seeing as how he was so close behind Virgil). ‘It’s all right, Papa’s here.’

‘This separation anxiety is far more intense than I initially thought.’ Logan sounded troubled.

It made Patton’s stomach flip. Would Logan want to test it more? Would he say it was bad for Virgil’s mental health? Would he want to separate Patton and Virgil? A sick feeling surged through Patton and he quickly plastered a big grin on his face, pulling back from Virgil despite his baby’s reluctance to let go.

‘No, no, we can do this,’ he assured. ‘Can’t we baby?’

Virgil didn’t seem to know what Patton was asking him, so he only whined and stretched his arms out further towards Patton.

‘It may help if you speak while he is hidden,’ Logan whispered. ‘That way he will still sense your presence.’ He offered a slightly awkward smile. It was beautiful to Patton.

He picked the blanket back up from where he had dropped it to the couch and, as per Logan’s instruction, repeated the game but this time spoke when Virgil was covered by the blanket.

More whines met his ears, though Patton quickly gasped and said, ‘Uh oh, I can’t see little Vee anywhere!’

To his relief (as well as Logan’s, going by the drop of his tense shoulders), Virgil’s whimpering stopped.

‘Papa?’

‘Where’s the baby?’ Patton sang.

A confused coo came from Virgil. It was such an unmistakably babyish sound that the remains of Patton’s concern were overridden by thoughts of My baby is so frickin’ adorable!

Then he snatched the blanket from Virgil’s head with a wide smile. ‘There he is!’

Virgil blinked slowly a couple of times before twisting around to look up at Logan.

The logical side smiled down at him and nodded. ‘You came back,’ he stated simply.

For a moment Patton was unsure of what would happen next. Virgil’s silence could have meant anything from shyness to fear. It could have been followed up by hysterical giggles or heartbreaking sobs.

Instead, Virgil turned back to Patton and mumbled, ‘Bwankie.’

How on Earth Patton had not yet suffered a heart attack from the sheer amount of adorableness coming from his baby, he had no idea.

‘Shall we play with your blankie again?’ Patton asked.

When Virgil nodded, so much pride and happiness filled Patton that it spilt out of him in a joyful giggle.

‘Oh my gosh, okay!’ He bounced on his toes as he lay the blanket over Virgil’s head again. His baby did go slightly rigid upon being left in darkness, but it was quickly remedied: ‘Where’s my little baby?’

Virgil’s body relaxed back into Logan and he shook Mento in his hands with a squeak. With a strong suspicion that his little boy was excited, Patton pulled the blankie away. ‘There he is!’

And it was true! Virgil was smiling behind his paci and flapped Mento in the air in front of him with a giggle. The anxiousness of the previous few minutes had completely disappeared.

‘Logan, he liked it!’ Patton cried, unable to contain how ecstatic he was.

He was a little surprised to catch Logan staring at him with a distant look and a soft smile etched onto his features. With a little start, Logan seemed to catch himself and nodded stiffly.

‘I am glad,’ Logan said and with the hand that wasn’t keeping Virgil secure, he scratched at his cheek. It only drew attention to how rosy it had become. ‘It might be worth keeping it up. Solely for the educational merits, of course,’ he hastened to add.

‘You don’t have to tell me twice,’ Patton laughed and looked back at his baby. ‘Again?’

Virgil bounced a little in Logan’s lap and his dimples sunk in his cheeks. ‘Gen!’

‘Anything for my little stormcloud.’

Virgil was promptly hidden behind the fluffy material.

‘Oh dear, where did Virgil go?’

The blanket giggled.

Logan chuckled quietly as Patton winked at him. ‘Where’s my itty bitty baby?’

‘Papa, Papa!’

Patton gasped with an exaggerated surprise, ‘Oh my goodness…’ He swept the blanket off of Virgil's head to be met with a very happy baby with fluffed up hair. ‘There he is!’

The sound that came from Virgil could only have been described as a squeal of delight. His face was glowing with joy and he squished Minty against his face. He tended to do that when he was either shy (which he certainly wasn’t at that moment) or when he was so overwhelmed by emotion that he had to hide and process it for a moment. The fact that he was hiding from intense joy, rather than intense fear as usual, was nothing short of heartwarming to Patton.

‘I love you, honey,’ he whispered and leaned down to press a firm kiss onto the top of Virgil’s head.

‘Um, Patton?’ Logan asked quietly.

With a growing embarrassment, Patton realised he had his hands on Logan’s thighs to steady himself in leaning forward. He quickly retracted his hands. ‘Sorry.’

‘No, no, that wasn’t - you can -’ Logan cut himself off by clearing his throat. His eyes darted up to Patton quite hesitantly before they settled on Virgil. His hold on the regressor visibly tightened. ‘I wondered if perhaps I could try playing again.’

Patton had not, in fact, known true pride until that very moment.

‘Gosh, yes, please, of course,’ Patton rambled, instantly crouching down to be eye-level with Virgil. He had to seize this window of opportunity lest Logan shy away. ‘Let’s move you around, sweetheart.’

With a little help from Logan (and a little blushing as Patton’s hand brushed his), they were able to get Virgil to face Logan whilst in his lap. There was only a slight protest when Virgil reached out to hug Patton but couldn’t because of his position, but it was soon brushed over when Patton sat beside Logan so that Virgil could clearly see him. Perhaps the separation anxiety had not been helped so much by the game, but it was fun nonetheless.

‘We’re gonna play with Mama now,’ Patton announced and smiled when Virgil looked expectantly at Logan.

The logical side faltered a bit, though as Patton nudged him slightly with his shoulder he seemed to come out of it. ‘Are you ready to play, Vee?’

The baby nodded and hugged Minty tightly to his chest.

Logan did as Patton had - covering Virgil over with the blanket and immediately wondering aloud, ‘I appear to have lost Virgil. Wherever could he be?’

To Logan’s credit, the performance was far more expressive than his first attempt. It wasn’t quite as resemblant of a children’s TV presenter as Patton’s coos and gasps were, but it was certainly enough to get Virgil smiling, as was quickly revealed when Logan pulled the blanket back with a joyful, ‘There he is!’

They kept at the game for several more minutes, none of them getting bored of the repetition.

It was quite difficult to be bored by Virgil’s squeaky giggles, Patton found. Especially when they were supplemented by Logan’s soothing voice and a grin brighter than Patton knew the logical side would have ever dared to display in any other situation.

By the last round, Virgil was getting sleepy; his laughter was interrupted by quiet yawns (which sent Patton’s heart racing as he questioned how a human being could so closely resemble a kitten).

‘Last one, Stormcloud,’ Patton chuckled as Logan covered the boy with the blanket once more. ‘Then it’s naptime.’

‘Where’s Virgil?’ Logan called. ‘Where’s the baby?’

Virgil’s giggles were quiet, and it was noticeable how he was swaying a lot more now, being too tired to support himself. It was a good thing that Logan refused to release him from his careful hold.

Patton had shuffled further toward the other two as the game went on and now he was fully leaning up against Logan’s side. When they both looked at each other with bright smiles, Patton actually dared to wonder whether Logan’s cheeks really were just flushed from all the laughter, or if maybe Patton wasn’t alone in feeling a spark where their arms touched.

‘Together?’ Logan suggested.

Patton was sure his smile was completely goofy by this point, but he hardly cared.

‘Three…’

Logan smiled. ‘Two…’

‘One…’ Patton pulled the blanket from Virgil’s head.

‘Peekaboo!’ the caregivers said in unison, their happy, sing-song tones identical.

oOo

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Reblogs, likes, and comments are greatly appreciated! ♡

#thank you so so so much for sending this little headcanon #as you can see i really liked it!!#little/big asides #little/big series fics #little/big series #agere virgil #little virgil #cg logan #cg patton #requests #💚 anon

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #441

“all alone, he turns to stone while holding his breath after death / terrified of what’s inside, to save his life he crawls like a worm from a bird”

Have you ever watched a movie in class/school that made you cry? Yep, a few. What’s the earliest you could go to bed at night and feel okay about? If I'm having a really bad day, I can tolerate as early as 7:00. :x What is you favorite type of lunch meat? Honey ham, probably. What time of the year do you dislike the most? Summer is disgusting. It's too hot, too humid, too many bugs, and I just hate it. Do you put ketchup on your scrambled eggs? No, that sounds gross. What is your favorite color to wear? b l a c k Are you an overachiever? Oh, hunny. What physical feature do you wish you had (i.e. freckles, curly hair)? Maybe uhhhh big eyes. What fictional character (i.e. Bambi, Scarlette O'hara) would you marry? Darkiplier bc he is merely a misunderstood soft boi. How long have you gone without shaving (girls- legs, armpits; boys- faces)? Legs: It's been nearly a year. Pits: not that long, considering I shave them every time I get in the shower. What is the meanest thing you have ever said to someone else? I'm sure it would be something in one of the letters I sent Jason. Or Dad. Idk. Did you ever go through a phase where you wrote bad poetry? The phase never ended lmao. What is your favorite thing about your life? My loved ones. Save all the animals that die during road kill or save 1 human from a fire? Sorry, but I'm picking the animals. Have you ever painted a picture of somebody? Yes. How many real bfs/gfs have you had? Two. Did you enjoy your past relationships? Yes. Except for when I was with Tyler. Name a comedy that you like. White Chicks. Could you wait until marriage for sex? Yeah. What’s the best Nirvana song? I'm not sure, really... Maybe "Drain You?" What was the last thing that impressed you? No clue. When was the last time you were in a pet store? Several months ago when I went in to get more rats for Venus. What nationality is your last name? Irish. What’s your favorite kind of chips and dip? Plain, rippled Lays in French onion dip. Who was the last boy that you saw cry? I don't know, actually. It may have been Sara's dad, which was years ago. Does your mom know you do surveys? I mean no, it's not like it's come up in conversation. Have you ever had a serious injury? When I was a kid, there was this one time I was running down the road with my friend, and I tripped; I was a fast runner, so I skinned the everliving FUCK out of my knees to the point there was even pus. I was SOBBING, and it took weeks to heal; I had the scars for years. What was the last thing you achieved? Losing weight at the gymmmm. Staying dedicated to going. Would you enjoy being famous? No. I couldn't take all the eyes on me and even ONE person's negative judgment. What’s under your bed? A big box of my art supplies. Do you enjoy travelling? Yeah. I wish I could do it more. Have you ever belonged to a club? If so, what was it? No. When was the last time you drank strawberry milk? Not since I first tried it at elementary school. It was absolutely disgusting. Have you ever managed to collect all the fast food toys in a set? I doubt it. Do you have a clock in your room? No. Did you have a good driver’s ED teacher? No. If I'd listened to him while driving, I could've gotten myself killed while merging onto the highway. People are assholes and didn't want to move over. Which of Britney Spears’ songs is your favorite? Probably "Freakshow." Does mind over matter work for you? Not usually, no. Are you paranoid? Oh yes. What is the best thing about winter? Everything!!! Literally the only BAD thing about winter is the dry skin/lips. I love the cold, Christmas and all that comes with it, the decor, hot chocolate, snow, getting all cuddly... Everything. :') Have you ever been truly in love? Absolutely. Are you currently planning a trip? No. A trip to Illinois is just a wish right now. How many plants are in your home? None, I think? What is your favorite possession? Excluding my pets (because I don't like calling them "possessions"), probably my laptop. Have you ever felt like you were too nice and way too often overlooked? I have before, yes. What movies have tripped you out? Off the top of my head, the only entertainment media in general that has ever truly "tripped me out" was the first time I played the Silent Hill game. The movie didn't affect me to that level because I already understood the concept. When I watched Jason play it for the first time, I was SO confused and just blown away by the concept that I did loads of research and just thinking about it all. That franchise is just cool as shit, okay. Did you rollerblade as a kid? Do you still rollerblade? I LOVED rollerblading. I haven't done it in years, though. Would you ever settle into a relationship that wasn’t right for you? Do you know friends who are in relationships just so they have someone to sleep with at night? NO. I will NOT settle. Being genuinely in love with my partner is too important to me for me to ever do so. I don't know if any of my friends are in that situation. Would you take a dirty picture of yourself for someone you are dating? With my current body? FUCK no. If I was happy with my body, the answer is still probably no. I'm too self-conscious and awkward with that kind of stuff, and besides, I really don't think I want a picture like that to exist of myself to avoid potential trouble. Do you use earplugs or a sleeping mask when you sleep? No. What summertime treats do you love? We have this local slushy place that is FUCKING BOMB. It may sound basic, but they have SUCH a vast variety of flavors and goodies you can top it with that it's truly just so amazing. How picky are you when it comes to choosing who to kiss or not kiss? I am VERY picky. I have to be really interested in you. Save for how things were with Tyler... I just felt like I was supposed to. What do you hate most about moving? I. Hate. The process. Of moving. It is just so, so stressful to me. I have a very hard time confronting big tasks, and that's exactly what packing and unpacking entails. Do you feel that having sex anywhere but a bed is more exciting? Not necessarily. Do you drink 5 hour energy drinks or any other kinds of energy drinks? No. Has anyone ever whistled at you? I don't think so. Do you like scarves? No. Is your father homophobic? Possibly. I don't actually know. I honestly don't think he took Sara's and my relationship seriously, so that may be a sign. Do you take gummy vitamins? The only vitamin I take now is vitamin D, which isn't a gummy. Have you ever applied make-up on a guy, for any reason at all? Ha, yeah. I gave Jason a makeover once. Who would you like to meet before you die? MARK. I am so determined, alsdjfkaj;wek;rj. I just want to hug him and say thank you and ugly-cry. If your dream was to be a model, and a big opportunity came up, but you had to be nude, would you take it? No. Even if I had the body of a model. What’s the most ridiculous conspiracy theory you’ve ever heard of? The fuckin' flat earth theory, probably. If Heaven and Hell exists, where you going when you die? Well, considering I have an, uh, very negative opinion of the Christian god... Who is the person that you are afraid of losing, above everyone else? My mom. The day she passes is a day I am inexplicably horrified of. What is one thing that pisses you off pretty much everyday? My life. If there anyone you know that you feel should consider therapy? My mom really could use it. Do you like any of the songs on Twilight, or the actual movie/saga itself? I love "Supermassive Black Hole" by Muse, but idk if it was actually written for the movie. How old was the first person you kissed? He was 18 when we first kissed. Will you be a strict parent one day? I never want to be a parent. If I hypothetically became one, I don't think I'd be strict, necessarily, but very protective. Last person to stand up for you? Probably Mom, idk. Have you been to a baby shower? Yeah, a few. Who were you with the last time you went to the movie theater? My dad. What’s your favorite high school memory? Just... a lot with Jason. Do you like relationships, or do you prefer to be single? I prefer being in a (healthy) relationship, but I won't get into one just for the sake of having one. What is one adventurous thing you’d be willing to do? Hmmm... scuba-dive, maybe? What subject at school did you absolutely hate? Math. Italian food or Chinese food? Italian. I don't really like (most) Chinese food. Do you like to make flash cards when you study? I rarely did that. Has anyone ever told you that you’re a good singer? Yes, somehow. Do you ever watch TED talks, live or online? No. I dare you to write the name of a person you strongly dislike. Ashley. What do you think about Marilyn Manson? He's one of my favorite musical artists, but he's a disgusting dick personally. Biggest trouble you’ve ever gotten into at school? Nothing, really. I was a very well-behaved kid. Do you own one of those “professional” DSLR cameras? Yeah, I have a Canon. Does it bother you when you see a 6th grader with a bunch of gadgets? No. Did you buy yearbooks every year in high school, or did you not bother? Not every year, but most. Do you have Restless Legs Syndrome? No. Jalapeños: yay or nay? I loooove them. Did you ever play Minecraft? Nah. My niece is getting into it. Did you ever have a Club Penguin account? Were you a member? I did have one. I wasn't one of those premium members or anything like that; I just had a basic account. Do you know anyone that seems to not have any common sense? Bitch me. It's extremely embarrassing. I 100% got it from my dad. What do you think is the biggest injustice that was ever done to you? The manner through which Jason broke up with me. It left me traumatized. What type of person angers you the most? Abusive people that think only they matter and have no consideration for how their actions affect other people. If you could change your appearance, how would you alter it? I'd lose a shitload of weight, for one. My teeth would be whiter, my eyes bigger and bluer, I'd want my hair colored/able to hold color far better, I'd lighten and lessen my body hair, make my skin clearer, thin my eyebrows... I'd change a lot. What are your feelings on feminism? MANDATORY. Absolutely necessary in a misogynistic society. However, I do believe some people take it way too far to a point it is anti-man and puts women on a holy pedestal. It is about equality. Describe your first relationship? Perfect, until it wasn't. Describe your last relationship? Wonderful and healthy, but distance and our health were issues at the time. Can you honestly say that you always practice safe sex? My history with sex is confusing and complicated and I really don't know. Why do you think your most favorite film touches you so deeply? Thinking about it... it's probably because of how Simba runs from his problems and bad memories, but returns to confront them and is victorious. That's how I want to be. What do you want people you meet for the first time to think about you? That I'm nice and clearly sincerely cared about them and their feelings. Do you feel protective over someone? My sisters, nieces and nephews, Sara... What perfume/cologne do you wear? It's called "Blush." Where did your vehicle come from? I don't have my own, but Mom's came from a girl at the dance studio. She ran into a deer, and the front got fucked up, but the sweetheart paid to fix it up to being operable so Mom had her own car. The front bumper is kept intact with zip ties and duct tape, but hey... it works and has for many, many years now, lol. What was the color of the bridesmaid dresses of the last wedding you went to? Ummmm... I actually don't remember. What is your favorite way to eat chicken? As tenders, probably. It is your birthday. You hope the cake is: Red velvet. This year for my bday, our controlling-as-fuck family friend bought me my birthday cake without consulting ANYBODY, and I was so fucking annoyed. It was a very kind gesture, yes, but um, can I have a say, please? What do you wear to bed? Usually men's pj pants and a tank top. What were you doing at 8pm last night? Sleeping, actually. I was extremely tired and went to bed early.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''the bird and the worm'' by the used

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oneweekoneband · 3 years

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I’m slightly nauseous already with knowing I’m going to say this, but what does “self-awareness” even mean? In modern parlance, as a descriptive phrase, as a comment on art? I’m asking in earnest, like, I’ve been Googling lately, which for me is basically on par with doctoral study in terms of academic rigor. The self is king, anyway, tyrant, so where is the line of distinction between material that intentionally is nodding at some truth about the artist’s life and what’s just, like, all the rest of the regular navel-gazing bullshit. I mean, I’m all self, I am guilty here. I can’t get it out of my poems or even make it more quiet. This is the tenth time I’ve invoked “I” in the space of six sentences. Processing art has always necessitated a certain amount of grappling with the creator, but the busywork of it lately grows more and more tedious. Joy drains out of my body parsing marks left behind not just in stylistic tendencies and themes, but in literal, intentional tags like graffiti on a water tower. This feels an age old and moth-holed complaint, dull, and I am no historian, or really a serious thinker of any kind. I’ve now complained at some length about self-referential art, but didn’t I love how Martin Scorsese nodded to the famous Goodfellas Copacabana tracking shot with the opening frames of last year’s The Irishman? Didn’t I find that terribly fun and sort of sweet? So there’s distinctions. I’m only saying I don’t know with certainty what they even are. I’m unreliable, and someone smarter than me has likely already solved my quandary about why self-knowledge often transforms into overly precious self-reflexivity in such a way that the knowledge is diminished and obscured, leaving only cutesy Easter eggs behind. Postmodernism has birthed a moralizing culture where art exists to be termed either “self-aware Good” or “self-aware Bad”. Self-referentiality in media is so commonplace, so much the standard, that what was once credited as metatextual inventiveness often feels lazy now. In 1996, Scream was revitalizing a genre. Today, two thirds of all horror movies spend half their running time making sure that you know that they know they’re a horror movie, which is fine, I guess, except sometimes you just wanna watch someone get butchered with an axe in peace.

This is all to say that in 2020 Taylor Swift looked long and hard upon her image in the reflecting pool of her heart and has written yet another song about Gone Girl.

“mirrorball” is a very good piece of Gone Girl —feels insane to tell anyone reading a post on a blog what Gone Girl is but, you know, the extremely popular 2012 novel about a woman who pretends to have been murdered and frames her husband for it, and subsequently the 2014 film adaption where you kinda see Ben Affleck’s dick for a second—fanfiction. It would be a fine song, a good song, really, even if it weren’t that, if it were just something normal and not unhinged written by a chill person who behaves in a regular way, but we need to acknowledge the facts for what they are. When Taylor Swift watched Rosamund Pike toss her freshly self-bobbed hair out of her face and hiss, “You think you’d be happy with some nice Midwestern girl? No way, baby. I’m it!” her brain lit up like a Christmas tree, and she’s never been the same. If you Google “taylor swift gone girl” there waiting for you will be a medium sized lake’s worth of articles speculating about how Gone Girl influenced and is referenced in past Swift singles “Blank Space” and “Look What You Made Me Do”. This is not new behavior, and if anything it’s getting a bit troubling to think that it’s been this long since Taylor’s read another book. Still, while the prior offerings were a fair attempt at this particular feat of depravity, “mirrorball” has brought Taylor’s Amy Elliott Dunne deification to stunning new heights. And most importantly, Taylor has done a service to every person alive with more than six brain cells and a Internet connection by putting an end to the “Cool Girl” discourse once and for all. By the power invested in “mirrorball”, it is hereby decreed that the Cool Girl speech from Gone Girl is neither feminist or antifeminist, not ironic nor aspirational. No. It’s something much better than all that. It’s a threat. I ! Can ! Change ! Everything ! About ! Me ! To ! Fit ! In !

Gone Girl (2012) by Gillian Flynn

“mirrorball” (2020) by Taylor Swift

When the twinkly musical stylings of Jack Antonoff, a man I distinctly distrust, but for no one specific reason, whirl to life at the beginning of this song I feel instantly entranced, blurry-brained and pleasure-pickled like an infant beneath a light-up crib mobile or, I guess, myself in the old times, the outside times, three tequila sodas deep under the disco lights at The Short Stop. Under a mirrorball in my head. I know very little about music, as a craft, and I really don’t care to know more. I’m happy in a world of pure, dumb sensation. I’m not even sure what kind of instruments are making these jangly little sounds. I just like it. I am vibing. We may not ever be able to behave badly in a club again, but I can sway to my stupid Taylor Swift-and-the-brother-of-the-lady-who-makes-like-those-sweatshirts-with-little-sayings-or-like-vulvas-which-famous-white-women-wear-on-instagram-you-know-what-I-mean song, pressing up onto my tiptoes on the linoleum tile of our kitchen floor and can feel for a second or two something approaching bliss. “mirrorball” is a lush sound bath that I like a lot and then also it’s about being all things to all people, chameleoning at a second’s notice, doing Oscar worthy work on every Zoom call, performing the you who is good, performing the you who is funny, performing the you who draws a liter of your own blood and throws it around the kitchen then cleans it up badly all to get your husband sent to jail for sleeping with a college student... Too much talk about making and unmaking of the self is way too, like, 2012 Tumblr for me now, and I start hearing the word “praxis” ring threateningly in my head, but I’m not yet so evolved that I don’t feel a pull. Musings on the disorganized self—on how we are new all the time, and not just because of all the fresh skin coming up under the dead, personhood in the end so frighteningly flexible—are always going to compel me, I’m afraid, but that goes double for musings on the disorganized self which posit that Taylor Swift still thinks Amy Dunne made some points.

Because on “mirrorball” Taylor is for once not hamfistedly addressing some “hater”, in the quiet and the lack of embarrassing martyrdom it actually offers an interesting answer to the complaint that Taylor is insufficiently self-aware. This criticism emerges often in tandem with claiming to have discovered some crack in the chassis of Swift’s public self, revealing the sweetness to be insincere. My instinct is to dismiss this more or less out of hand as just a mutation of the school of thought that presumes all work by women must be autobiography. And, regardless, it is made altogether laughable by the fact that anyone actually paying attention has known since at least Speak Now, a delightful record populated by the most appalling, horrible characters imaginable, and all of them written by a twenty year old Taylor Swift, that this woman is a pure weirdo. To accuse Taylor Swift of lacking in self-awareness is a reductive misunderstanding, I think, of artifice. Being a fake bitch takes work. Which is to say, if we agree that her public self is a calculated performance—eliding the fact that all public selves are a performance to avoid getting too in the weeds yadda yadda— why, then, should it be presumed that performance is rooted in ignorance? Would it not make more sense that, in fact, someone able to contort themselves so ably into various shapes for public consumption would have a certain understanding of the basic materials they’re working with and concealing? Taylor Swift, in a decade and a half of fame, has presented herself from inside a number of distinct packages. The gangly teenager draped in long curls like climbing wisteria who wrote lyrics down her arms in glitter paint gave way to red lipstick, a Diet Coke campaign, and bad dancing at awards shows. There was the period where she was surrounded constantly by a gaggle of models, then suddenly wasn’t anymore, and that rough interlude with the bleached hair. The whole Polaroid thing. Last year she boldly revealed she’s a democrat. Now it’s the end of the world and she’s got frizzy bangs and flannels and muted little piano songs. Perhaps this endless shape-shifting contradicts or undermines, for some, the pose of tender authenticity which has remained static through each phase, but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t been doing it all on purpose the entire time. I’ve never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try...

In the Disney+ documentary—which, in order to watch, I had to grudgingly give the vile mouse seven dollars, because the login information that I’d begged off of my little sister didn’t work and I was too embarrassed to bring it up a second time—Taylor referred to “mirrorball” as the first time on the album where she explicitly addressed the pandemic, referring to the lyrics that start, “And they called off the circus, Burned the disco down,” and end with “I’m still on that tightrope, I’m still trying everything to get you laughing at me,” which actually did made me laugh, feeling sort of warmly foolish and a little fond, because it never would have occurred to me that she was trying to be literal there. I suppose we really do all contain multitudes. Hate that.

#taylor swift #folklore

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