#NO SHAME in any of these answers btw i know at least one person for each i think! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tkaulitzlvr · 8 months

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2008 tom forcing reader to answer a call from her bf while they're secretly fucking, going faster and whispering dirty things in her ear as shes on call to tease her, making it harder for her to not to make any noise🤭🤭

btw I love ur writings sm, one of my fav writers fr😩

thankyouu😽🙏🏻

ANSWER IT - T. KAULITZ

synopsis: your boyfriend calls you at a pretty inconvenient time, but tom forces you to answer, and you have to disguise what is really happening, tom not making it easy for you.

content: smut

a/n: thank u so much anon! and oh my god this req is such a good idea, literally as soon as i saw it i knew it was gonna be the next one i write, and i had so much fun making this so thank u so much for requesting i hope u like it!!💞

come over, no one else is home. 10:47pm

i stared at the text message as it came through, the words looking back at me, contemplating on whether i should give in or not. my mind, the more rational, morally correct side of me, tells me that i should say no, reminding me that i have a boyfriend, who would be home from his business trip in just a couple of hours. but, the fact that my heart should have belonged to someone else had never stopped me before. my heart was more reckless, making rash decisions that spoke only for my impulses, not the part of me that felt guilty for what i had been doing for the past few months, completely unbeknownst to my boyfriend.

it was never meant to turn out like this, no. what was firstly settled as a ‘drunk mistake’ that my boyfriend wouldn’t have to know about became a sober fuck, one that happens at least once a week. i am hooked, unable to stay away from tom despite the constant nagging that reminds me how much of an evil person i am. but my guilty conscience is not strong enough to win me over, so i keep going back, completely addicted to the way tom feels, my boyfriend unable to give me the same satisfaction.

he is kind, loyal, loving. i don’t deserve him, really. he would come home from work every evening, completely oblivious of the fact that another man had been inside of me just hours before, intimate with me in the bed that we would sleep in every night - he knows nothing about any of it.

and it is this that reminds me that i should decline tom’s offer, my eyes still blazing into the phone screen as the message stares at me. i have a boyfriend, this is wrong. the voice inside of my head says, chanting it over and over, convincing me to make the right decision for once, instead of acting purely on desire. he would be heartbroken if he ever found out, he doesn’t deserve this. my conscience continues, on the brink of winning me over, the shame of what i have become sinking into me, nothing about this entire thing justifiable on my part. i can put a stop to this, do the right thing, all i need to do is say the word.

k, i’ll be over soon. 10:51pm

i sigh, a little embarrassed at my lack of self-control, knowing that tom has me wrapped around his finger, unable to decline his invitation. the blood is on my hands, staining my innocence, and i am far too into this to ever go back to the way things once were. i jump out of bed, rushing over to the mirror and inspecting my appearance. my makeup is a little messed up, so i take time fixing it, making sure i look perfect for tom, adjusting my hair after, removing any knots in at as it falls to my shoulders. finally satisfied, i grab my keys, leaving the apartment and locking the door behind me, making my way to the parking lot.

i unlock my car, climbing in cautiously, checking that my boyfriend hadn’t unexpectedly arrived home early before turning off my location on my phone, getting used to doing these things to avoid getting caught as much as i could. the car engine starts with a low hum, radio quietly sounding out in the background as i drive to tom’s house, the guilt soon fading away as excitement buzzes around me.

the familiar house comes into view, but i park a little further down the street, not wanting to make it obvious that i was there in case my boyfriend did find out where i was. the street is dark as i climb out of my car, locking it before quickly walking towards his house, checking behind me and knocking on the door.

tom opens it within a few seconds, smirking whilst looking me up and down, moving to the side and giving me room to walk in. he shuts the door behind him, not wasting any time as he pushes me forcefully against the wall, attaching his lips to mine.

“missed you.” he mutters into the kiss as i whine a little in response, already too into it to give him a proper answer, but judging by the way his hands travel down my back, squeezing my ass firmly, it doesn’t seem like he wants to do much talking anyways.

but i didn’t mind, our hookups strictly sexual, no romance behind them. sure, he would whisper things into my ear in the heat of the moment, but i knew that it didn’t mean anything, and i didn’t want it to either. despite betraying my boyfriend in the most evil way possible, i didn’t want to end things with him, somehow still feeling something towards him though he could never pleasure me the way tom does.

without breaking the kiss, tom’s hands hook around my thighs, lifting me upwards as i instinctively wrap my legs around his waist, our lips moving against each other’s as he carries me to his bedroom, my hands locked around his neck, arms resting on his shoulders.

my back collides with the bed as he places me onto it, his hand flush against my back for support as he falls onto it with me, our lips never breaking, his body now on top of mine. he clearly doesn’t want to tease me, his hands finding the bottom of my hoodie, pulling it off and leaving it somewhere on his carpet, leaving me in only my shorts and small pink bra. he smirks at my lack of clothing, drinking it all in whilst his fingers play with the waistband of my shorts. he takes them off too, seeing that my panties match the bra, his tongue moving to the corner of his mouth.

“all this for me, hm?” he smirks, moving my thighs apart and leaning downwards, cupping my breasts in his hands, squeezing them slightly as i let out a small moan, blushing at his words and nodding my head. “i bet he doesn’t touch you like i do, get you to put in all this effort for him.”

tom continues to taunt me, the mention of my boyfriend causing my heart to wrench, guilt settling in my stomach as it is enough to remind me how much of a bad person i am. but, the second tom pulls his t-shirt off, revealing his toned frame, adorned with muscle in all the right places, his abs on full display, any thought of my boyfriend is long gone, my eyes and mind only focused on what is in front of me - the view admittedly far better than anything he could ever give.

tom reconnects our lips, his tongue entering my mouth, hips beginning to grind against mine at a torturously slow pace, hands moving to swiftly unclip my bra. i start to become impatient, fingers toying with the waistband of his jeans as i scramble for the button, undoing them as his zipper follows. he sees that i am struggling, tugging them down himself and letting his boxers come off with them.

he moves my panties to the side, not even bothering to pull them down, before sliding into me, a long moan escaping from my lips as i feel him stretch my walls, already feeling so full.

“so fucking tight, always so good.” he mutters, his forehead against mine, his breath tickling my nose as he speaks, a choked moan sounding from his lips as he is fully inside. he waits a second, studying my expression, gauging that i am okay as he almost pulls out fully, before slamming into me unexpectedly.

my breathing is heavy, body glistening with sweat as i hold onto him, my hands raking down his back as his pace speeds up, becoming more fast and relentless. i am so far gone, in too much pleasure to even process anything that is happening around me - including the sound of my phone beginning to ring.

tom, however, notices immediately, picking it up from the bedside table whilst still thrusting into me, my eyes following his movements as i am too lost in ecstasy to ask what he is doing. he turns the phone, showing me who is calling. my eyes widen as i shake my head, signalling for him to put it down, not wanting him to stop.

“answer it.” is all he says, passing the phone to me, one hand on my hips, helping him to move in and out of me easier, whilst the other holds the phone to my ear. he accepts the call, smirking as my boyfriend’s voice can faintly be heard.

“baby? hey, uh, i just got home from work. where are you?” he asks, tom nodding his head, gesturing for me to speak. a knowing smirk spreads across his face as he speeds up his thrusts, my teeth sinking into my lips to prevent a moan that is dangerously close to spilling from them.

“h-hey love.” i pant, trying to sound nonchalant, failing miserably as i feel tom hit my g-spot, a muffled whine sounding from the back of my throat.

“what are you doing? you okay?” my boyfriend asks, his tone laced with confusion.

“sorry uh- my back is sore, the usual.” i manage to get out, quickly closing my mouth as tom stares into my eyes, enjoying the way i struggle, showing no sympathy as he only drills into me faster. “i’m- i’m at my mom’s house.”

the excuse is terrible, tom furrowing his brows once i utter the words, making me realise how unbelievable it is. but, he finds my lack of thought amusing, smiling a little before resting his head in the crook of my neck, planting rough, open-mouthed kisses there. i sigh out in response, quickly covering my mouth as i mentally curse my self.

“your mom’s place? what are you doing there? it’s like nearly midnight.” my boyfriend responds, clearly hesitant to buy my excuse.

“yeah, family emergency. i-i’ll…be home in the morning-” i have to stop my speech, pursing my lips shut as a moan is dangerously close to sounding from them.

tom smirks against my neck, goosebumps forming on the skin whilst his lips curve into a slight smile.

“look at you. getting fucked whilst your boyfriend is on the phone.” tom mutters, his voice low as he makes sure that his words can’t be made out through the phone. “so wrong. but you love it, don’t you, hm? fucking slut.”

tom continues to taunt me, paying attention to the way i bite my lip, or place my tongue on the roof of my mouth, even squeeze his upper arms, anything to stop any noise from coming out of my mouth, desperate to stay undetected.

“what? is everything okay?” my boyfriend asks, showing concern as he tries to extend the situation, much to my annoyance, unable to keep this up for much longer, wanting nothing more than to cry out in pleasure. “should i come-”

“no!” i quickly say, a little harsher than i initially intended to, the utterance a mix of desperation and an attempt to hold back a moan, the combination coming out as an abrupt plea. “i mean- she, she’s just…a little overwhelmed.”

tom begins to kiss the skin below my ear, biting at it gently, knowing this spot drives me crazy, and once i shiver a little, he knows that he has me right where he wants me, changing his thrusts a little as the new angle causes a familiar knot to build in my stomach.

“could he make you feel like this, hm? only i can, right baby?” he whispers, knowing the effect that he has on me, no need for me to verbalise it, the way my eyes screw shut at his movements enough to confirm it. “so needy, letting me do this to you whilst he can hear. if only he knew…”

his words against my neck combined with the new angle makes the urge to moan almost unbearable as i bite down onto tom’s shoulder, a low grunt escaping his mouth at my unexpected action. yet it only fuels his stamina as he chuckles under his breath, enjoying the effect he has on me, the thrill of the entire situation turning him on even more.

“oh, just, let me know if you need anything okay? i love you.” my boyfriend says, finally wrapping up the conversation as i sigh in relief, feeling at ease as i have somehow managed to pull this off.

but tom clearly isn’t satisfied with how i have managed to stay quiet, desperate to get some sort of noise out of me, and, he knows exactly how to do that. one hand still holding the phone to my ear, he moves his other downwards, using it to rub circles on my clit whilst thrusting in and out of me. and that is all it takes for a restricted moan to leave my lips, unable to be mistaken for anything else. i know that i am in deep shit.

“what the fuck was that? what’s going on? are you fucking someone?” my boyfriend asks, his voice raising as he has finally picked up on what is going on.

“w-what? are you crazy? of course not!” i quickly say, panting through my words, no longer able to hide it, knowing that i am completely fucked.

“don’t fucking bullshit me! where the fuck are you? i can’t believe this, you’re fucking cheating on me? i swear to fucking god once i find-”

his furious rambling is cut off as tom ends the call, turning my phone off and throwing it somewhere on the bed, his hand now running up and down my waist.

“i did you a favour. he was fucking annoying anyways.” tom breathes out, a satisfied grin tugging on his lips, only faltering once he reconnects them with mine, the hurt of what had just happened never sinking in, tom’s movements more than enough to make me forget.

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#tom kaulitz #tokiohotel #tom kaulitz x reader #kaulitz #tom kaulitz smut #kaulitz twins #tomkaulitz #tom kaulitz angst #tom kaulitz fluff #bill kaulitz

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redtsundere-writes · 9 days

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Jinx | Sukuna Ryomen

mmafigther!sukuna ryomen x femcoach!reader

Part 11. The Other One

Beginning. ← Previous |

Sypnosis: Sukuna is a world champion with anger issues. It's believed by many that he is untrainable. Yeah, you can't train him, but you can dominate him. Contents: Fighting. Sukuna being Sukuna. Female reader being dom. Jinx AU (the BL, not the character from lol) Yuuji, Choso and Sukuna are brothers. Warnings: Cursed words. I only read it once lol Word Count: 4667 words. Author's Note: We are so close to the end. I already want to get to the grand finale, but I can only write one chapter at the time. uwu Thanks for all the support so far!

Btw I made a PLAYLIST

“Salmon or hake?” I wondered as I compared the two frozen fish. I was in the frozen section of the best supermarket in the city. My exposed skin was cold by being exposed to the bed of ice and near the refrigerators full of snacks and fast foods. The nerves in my hands were beginning to tighten from holding the frozen packages for too long.

Ladies slowly dragging their carts through the white aisles, children crying to their mothers who already want to go home and the employees running from side to side behind me. The popular music framed my thoughts as I read the nutritional facts for each product, focusing on the grams of protein. Since I was in charge of cooking for Sukuna’s birthday, I had to choose the best products to make him the best dinner he ever had

Salmon has 20 grams of protein, 13 grams of fat and zero carbohydrates. In addition to its contribution of Omega-3, for high-performance athletes it is the ideal fish to eat, since it has a very good ratio of proteins and healthy fats. If I baked it in the oven, I was sure it would be delicious. The only problem? The famous mercury. Although, according to some studies, it is true that salmon is the fish that contains the least amount. Hake is usually its alternative, which has less fat, but the same or more amount of protein, also it digests better.

“Salmon has more potassium, selenium, and vitamin B12." A female voice interrupted my mental debate.

My eyes widened when I saw the beauty next to me. A thin and tall blonde woman. Her blonde hair was long and her bangs looked great on her. His thin eyebrows framed her big brown eyes. His tight-fitting black turtleneck shirt and high-waisted pants made her look phenomenal. It was like admiring a beautiful porcelain statue, you could easily get lost in the details of her person.

"Oh, thanks. Are you a nutritionist or something like that?” I asked curiously as I returned the hake to the bed of ice.

"I'm a jiu-jitsu coach. I never thought I would meet the Medusa Snake in a supermarket,” she joked.

I should have seen it before. Her physical build was magnificent for a jiu-jitsu fighter. Her arms were perfectly toned, and his long legs could knock down any rival with one kick. I started to envy her body.

"I was told you were Ryomen's coach, I see that you are… very close," she said as she looked directly at the bracelet that Sukuna had given me earlier this morning. That was strange.

"It is a complicated task, but I think that every day we understand each other more," I answered honestly.

"I wanted to be his coach, you know?” she told me as if nothing had happened.

Something in me set off a warning alarm. I could sense that this conversation had a double intention. Was she threatening my position? Did she know that I wouldn't be Sukuna's coach anytime soon? Was she just trying to have a nice conversation in the middle of the frozen section? She was a beautiful woman to admire, but I didn't like where this was going.

"Who are you?" I asked confused, completely breaking the flow of the conversation.

"My name is Yuki Tsukumo," she introduced herself with a smile. “This is the Yuki who sent the bracelet to Sukuna!” I thought, trying not to reflect surprise on my face, but I'm not sure if I did it. “I see he received my gift, it's a shame he didn't want to use it."

"Sukuna doesn't like receiving gifts, that's why he gave it to me,” I answered, my tone sounding more defensive than I intended.

"Thank goodness he didn't throw it in the trash," she said before taking the hake I left. "I hope he doesn't throw you away either." With that threat, she walked away, getting lost in the cereal aisle.

I just saw the beautiful woman swinging her hips away, like a poisonous viper with beautiful colored scales. I couldn't help but see the gold bracelet that rested delicately on my wrist. My gaze hyperfixed on the letters engraved on it, wondering what kind of relationship this strange woman had with Sukuna. I put the salmon in my basket and continued with my shopping in an attempt to forget the unusual conversation.

After paying for the salmon and the rest of the ingredients I would use for the special dinner, my phone started ringing. I arranged the plastic bags in one hand to get my phone out of my pants. It was Yuuji.

"Hello, Y/n!" His friendly voice sounded from the other side. "Do you have any plans for tonight?"

"Not really. I am only going to make Sukuna’s dinner for his birthday,” I answered as I walked back home.

"Cancel that. My parents just invited me and my brothers to dinner at the restaurant they just opened in the bay.” I stopped dead and sighed. “The salmon will have to wait until tomorrow.” "Do you have a pretty dress?" he wondered out of nowhere.

"Why you ask?". I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I asked my parents if you could come. When they found out you were Sukuna's friend, they said yes.”

"Why did you do that?" I asked him, even more confused. This couldn't be good.

"Because Choso is going, duh," he answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Because I was thinking about Sukuna 24/7, I had completely forgotten about Choso's existence. Yuuji still doesn't know that I like his other brother now. Plus, his parents will be there. Oh no, this can't be happening. This would be a disaster, I could sense it. Did I really have to go? My feelings churned in my chest the further I walked down the sidewalk. I stopped when I reached the crosswalk. The traffic light was red.

"I don't think this is a good idea..."

"Don't say that! It's the perfect opportunity for Choso to see you slay like the queen you are,” Yuuji lifted my spirits that I was dragging on the ground.

"Hang up the phone now!" I heard Gojo yell at him from a distance, Yuuji was still be in the gym, training with Sukuna.

"See you in the afternoon," he said goodbye before hanging up.

The light turned green, but I still couldn't cross. I stood frozen on the sidewalk, stunned by the unusual invitation. I felt lost. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to go because I really like hanging out with the boys, but I was afraid to find out what my true feelings were for Choso and Sukuna. Also, I raised Choso’s hopes up. What if I didn’t like him anymore because I liked Sukuna? Thai was a mess.

The traffic light turned red again. Why was I questioning my feelings for Choso? It's true that I liked Sukuna, but I liked Choso the moment I saw him. Sukuna had been an acquired taste from the times we've slept together. The gifts and me living with him seemed to have no meaning to him. I was in a dangerous situation, and he just wanted to protect me, right? Everything was so confusing. Maybe if I was to go to dinner, I had to find out what my true feelings were.

The traffic light turned green again.

After picking my outfit, an everything shower and doing my makeup, I was ready. It had been a long time since the last time I dressed up like a fine lady for dinner. I always have to wear sporty clothes due to work. Putting on a cute pink dress and applying a small wing eyeliner made me feel like a pretty princess. I brushed my hair in front of my large bathroom mirror while my stomach churned nervously. Seeing myself so different from how I normally look was like seeing an old friend I hadn't seen in years. As I put the brush back in its place, I noticed that I still had Sukuna's bracelet on my wrist.

“I don't think it's a good idea to wear it today,” I thought aloud before taking it off and putting it in a jewelry box.

I went down to the entrance at the time Sukuna and I had agreed to leave. My heels echoed with every step I took. I already wanted him to see me as “the queen” that I am, Yuuji's words. I went downstairs with every intention of surprising him, but I was the one who ended up surprised. He was already there, fixing his elegant suit in front of the mirror. I never thought I'd see a man like Sukuna, who always dresses in T-shirts and shorts, wearing a sharp black suit with an ivory turtleneck sweater. This was not the cranky man I coach, this was a millionaire man with a mobster vibe straight out of a romance novel written by a woman. From the shine on his shoes to his well-groomed hair, Sukuna looked like the jackpot.

“You look... different,” he said as he analyzed my whole body. “Of course I look different! What kind of compliment is that?!” I thought annoyed.

“You look different too.” I told him reluctantly.

“Are you ready to go?” He asked. I just nodded excitedly before following him out the door.

In the nighttime tapestry of the city, the bright lights painted a surreal panorama. The asphalt shone like an ebony river, reflecting the headlights of passing cars like wandering fireflies. The city had an air of mystery and adventure. Tokyo was a place where anything could happen, where dreams came true and nightmares lurked in the shadows. The steering wheel turned under my fingers like a rudder guiding a ship through a sea of metal. The roar of the engine was a discordant symphony that echoed in the silence of the night.

“How did training with Gojo go?” I asked him to get a topic of conversation.

"Everything was going well until I had to train again with the useless rookies,” he muttered in annoyance, gripping the steering wheel firmly. "Have you thought about who your replacement will be?" He asked.

"I have a few candidates in mind,” I answered. "In fact, a coach approached me when I went to the market, but she didn't give me a good vibe.”

"Why?" he asked, curious.

"I think you already know each other."

"What's her name?”

"Yuki Tsukumo." Sukuna braked the car in its tracks, making us bounce in our seats. Thank God we had our seat belts on. If we hadn’t, I would have slammed into the glass. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" I exclaimed with my heart in my hand.

Sukuna didn't answer me. He squeezed the steering wheel, clearly annoyed, to park next to the curb. He took off his seatbelt to lean back on the steering wheel. Who was this Yuki Tsukumo that could make Sukuna act like this? An ex-partner? Impossible, Yuuji told me that he has never had a girlfriend. Someone he slept with in the past? I don't blame him, she's beautiful.

"You better not tell Choso or Yuuji that you ran into he," he told me after letting out a long sigh.

"Why not? Is there something I should know?” I asked him confused with the whole situation.

"She is Choso's ex-fiancée,” he answered before holding his forehead in concern.

"Oh…” I could not believe it.

Sukuna POV

I couldn't believe this blonde bitch had shown up again. Finally, when we had all left her in the past, she decided to come back for more. I clearly remembered the first time I saw that stupid girl smiling from cheek to cheek as if she were a pure soul. Choso looked so happy and proud to introduce her as his future wife. Poor asshole, he didn't know what he was getting into... and neither did I.

He still vividly remembered the night where everything turned into a shit show. The UFC had paid me the best suite in Las Vegas for my first championship fight. Sometimes I closed my eyes to return to that majestic place. Admiring the Strip, a glittering ribbon of casinos, hotels, and attractions that never sleeps, Paris's iconic Eiffel Tower twinkling with a thousand lights, and the High Roller Ferris wheel rising above the horizon like a giant lighthouse. I fucked a prostitute in the middle of the wide balcony, enjoying the panorama that stretched out in front of me.

"Sukuna!" The whore screamed my name desperately.

My hips didn't stop pounding into ramming her. Her tits were bouncing in my face and her legs were spread across the couch. I opened her ass to reach the deepest part of her being. He had paid a good amount for her, he was willing to destroy her physically and emotionally. I pulled her hair while my cock hit her cervix, her limit. I was so close to reaching the climax, ensuring my future victory... but some idiot had to ring the bell at that moment.

I was so close that I didn't care that the person would stay outside all night. I didn't care if it was Choso, Gojo, Yuuji or my parents. I was very busy. The idiot didn't seem to want to understand that I wasn't going to open it, so he kept insisting on the fucking doorbell. Ding-dong. Ding-Dong. Ding-fucking-Dong. The annoying sound made me lose concentration.

"Fuck!" I screamed before pulling my cock out of the whore. She sighed in annoyance, plopping down on the couch. "Hide in the closet or something, I'm not done with you." I told her before wrapping a towel around my hips.

"I'm going to charge you extra!" She yelled at me before following my instruction.

I straightened my towel before reluctantly opening the door. In front of me was the last person I thought I would meet. It was Yuki, Choso's guest. What the fuck was she doing here at midnight? Especially alone. From her pajamas and her slightly messy hair, I could tell she had escaped from the bed she shared with my younger brother.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked her, annoyed. "It better be important."

"I want to talk about business, can I come in?" she asked me with her usual flirtatious smile.

"No. Just tell me what you have to say so you can leave me alone,” I answered. I could already feel my balls turning blue.

"Do you kiss your mother with that filthy?" she joked.

"I'm not in the mood, spit it out before I slam the door in your face," I blurted out. It was the last warning I was going to give her.

"I noticed that you don't have a trainer who specializes in jiu-jitsu. I know you don't accept women in your gym, but if you allow me to be part of your team, I can…".

I couldn't help but laugh in her face, cutting her off completely. Did she just interrupt my good luck ritual to offer herself as my trainer? I knew she was a jiu-jitsu trainer at a local gym, but I never thought she had the balls to ask me to recruit her. Couldn't she do this another day or in the morning? Why right here when Choso is surely sleeping peacefully thinking that she is by his side? Was this shit serious? There were so many questions about her behavior that I could only laugh.

"I don't see what's funny about it," Yuki said, crossing her arms.

"Then you have a terrible sense of humor," I answered. "Is that all you have to tell me?"

"I'm sure I'm a better fighter than you, I could kick your ass if I wanted to," she said annoyed.

"I want to see you try," I said. “She wouldn't dare,” I thought for sure.

Well, she dared. She attacked me by surprise with a kick to the abdomen. I lowered my arm, preventing it from connecting completely, but it did hit my side. I couldn't defend myself well while just having a towel on. One wrong move and I was already naked. I backed away out of inertia, allowing her to enter the suite. She jumped at me to continue hitting me.

"Bitch!" I screamed while covering my private parts.

"I'm going to show you that you need me on your team!" she shouted with a smile on his face.

"I don't want anyone else on my team!" I exclaimed.

How the hell did we get to this situation? I wasn't sure, but I had to do something about it. She pulled and punched me, trying to take me down like any jiu-jitsu fighter would do. She launched another kick at me, this time I evaded it in time, but she broke a lamp in the process. I was debating in my mind whether I should knock her out with one punch. I could not do it. Even though she was crazy, she was Choso's fiancée. My first option was to call one of my brothers or someone saner.

"Just think about it seriously, with my brain and your muscles I could make you a millionaire in less than you think," she told me excitedly.

So she was after the money. Which is normal… but that didn't explain why she was acting so secretive. Why didn't she tell Choso he wanted a job on the Team Black? There was something else she wasn't telling me. I entered the master bedroom as quickly as possible without exposing my cock to grab the phone, but she ended up cornering me against the closet before I could get to it. At the sudden knock, the prostitute screamed.

"Who is it?" Yuki asked me confused.

"I didn't know he had a wife!" The whore screamed opening the closet door. “Oh no,” I thought. "Please don't hit me!" The poor girl yelled as she fled the scene.

"Hey! We're not done yet!” I yelled.

And as if fate was mocking me, I dropped the towel. I was in the middle of a teenager's worst nightmare. Yuki shamelessly looked down, making this more awkward than it already was. By this point I was praying that this was a bad taste prank. I just wanted Yuuji or Gojo to come into the room with a camera in hand, mocking my reaction, but that never happened.

"Nice girl you hired," she laughed at me. And just when I thought this was only going to get worse, I heard the voice of my potential savior.

"Sukuna!" I heard Choso's voice from the door as he rang the doorbell as if his life depended on it.

"You worried your future husband," I told her before pushing her to let go, so I could put the towel back on.

"Hire me or I'll tell Choso I cheated on him with you," Yuki threatened me.

"What?!" I asked him, frowning at the tremendous bullshit she just said.

That's when it hit me. Yuki came to ask me for a job without Choso because she is only with him for convenience. She's only with him to blatantly get close to me. Since I don't accept women in the gym, this was his solution to get to me. I should have seen it before. I remember how at dinner with our parents he spent the time talking about jiu-jitsu and the UFC, sharing his extensive knowledge on the subject. Everyone was delighted with her, but she drove me crazy.

"Are you that desperate for money?" I asked him, not believing what was happening.

"You don't have much time,” Yuki crossed her arms as the ringing continued.

"Sukuna!" Choso exclaimed again.

"I trust Choso, he is not stupid enough to fall for something like that."

End of Sukuna POV

"Choso was stupid enough to fall for that,” Sukuna blurted out after recounting the tragedy that happened that day. "He knew about my lucky ritual and to this day he still thinks I fucked his fiancée," he said as he looked towards the car in front of us.

I was just listening to him while Sign Of The Times by Harry Styles was playing on the radio. We were still parked so that Sukuna could tell me in great detail what had happened with Yuki and Choso. It was a hard story to believe. A woman interrupting his suite in the middle of his lucky ritual and then threatening to break off his relationship with his brother over a measly coaching job is not something you hear every day.

"I tried to explain to him several times what happened, but he never wanted to listen to me. Then he told Yuuji and since that idiot doesn't know how to shut up, everyone in the gym knows,” he explained. "It's an absurd story, I know, but…".

"I believe you," I told him before he could finish his sentence.

"You do?" he looked at me, confused.

"Why are you surprised? I believed you when you told me about your lucky ritual.” I said. "Is it a strange story? Yes, but we are a team. If you tell me the sky is pink, I believe you. If you tell me that pigs fly, I believe you. If you tell me that Yuki Tsukumo is a son of a bitch, I'll believe you.”

Sukuna smiled at my response. He looked relieved, as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. I smiled back at his reaction. Sukuna always has been honest with me, I had no reason to doubt him. Even though I had little time left as his coach, I planned to continue by his side. I don't know if it was the sad story or my feelings towards him got in the way that made me take off my seat belt to reach him. He didn't know what exactly was going through his mind, but whatever it was, he needed a hug.

My body felt light when he reciprocated the gesture. Our bodies melted in the warmth of the moment. His hands traveled down my back to press me closer to his broad chest. I would have liked to stop time to stay here all my life. Maybe Sukuna didn't like me back, but I knew I someone important to him, and I was happy with that.

The luxurious restaurant at the Grand Palace Hotel had an elegant atmosphere with high ceilings, panoramic windows and sparkling chandeliers. Sukuna and I made our way among the tables covered with white tablecloths and velvet chairs that invited guests to delight in an exquisite menu. In the distance, we saw his family. They were happy to see us, but they were also clearly disappointed for arriving 20 minutes late. Everyone looked elegant and sophisticated, especially Choso. He always looked good, but today he looked phenomenal in his gray suit and white shirt. He greeted me with a smile on his face as soon as we approached the table.

"You look beautiful,” he complimented me. My heart skipped a beat with happiness. “Are you watching, Sukuna? This is how you give a compliment,” I thought with blushing cheeks.

"I thought I raised you to always be on time," the mother scolded Sukuna.

According to Yuuji, Kaori Itadori was a highly sophisticated and strict mother. She has always focused on giving his children the best education so that they would grow up to be strong men and providers. An extremely traditional and Catholic woman. She sounded like the worst mother-in-law you could have.

"There was a lot of traffic," Sukuna answered reluctantly as we sat at the table.

Choso helped me, pulling my chair like a perfect gentleman. I was so nervous having him so close, since Yuuji gave me his seat, so I could sit next to him. My mind was at peace realizing that I still liked Choso a lot.

"At this time? The report says that the streets are quite clear,” his mother challenged him.

"Honey, it was only 20 minutes. You're going to scare his girlfriend away,” her husband, Jin Itadori, told her. He was like any dad, pretty chill and care free.

"She is not my girlfriend. She's my coach,” Sukuna clarified, starting to get annoyed.

"But you live together," his mother said.

"You live together?" Choso asked me confused. “Oh no,” I thought. I had barely arrived, and I already wanted to go home. I had a feeling this woman was going to try to embarrass me in any way possible the rest of the evening.

"It is a long story," I said, trying to cut the tension.

"You see, Sukuna kicked his ex's ass. This ex almost raped her in the past, so Sukuna offered her to live with him so she would feel safe,” Yuuji explained the situation.

"Yuuji!" Sukuna and I scolded him.

"I'm just trying to help!" Yuuji defended himself.

I wanted to die. Yuuji just told the whole table my life trauma as if it were the plot of a movie he watched on Netflix. I hid in my hands from shame, praying that the earth would swallow me whole.

"I'll take a smoking break," Choso said before getting up from the table to retreat to the balcony.

"Is it necessary to ask those kinds of questions now?" Sukuna asked his mother, already annoyed.

"You know what I think about concubinage," His mother reproached him, disappointed.

"We're not a couple. We just work together.” Sukuna rolled his eyes.

"Besides, Y/n likes Choso, don’t you?" Yuuji asked me to make his mother stop bugging me with questions about my relationship with her son.

"I need fresh air," I excused myself to get out of there as quickly as possible.

I knew this was a bad idea from the start. I should have said no to Yuuji. I went out to the balcony to breathe deeply and admire the view of the city. I looked at Choso to explain what was happening. I found him smoking on the other side of the balcony, just as he had told us. He looked so elegant and mysterious in front of the pretty city lights. A beautiful contrast between brightness and darkness.

"Long time no see," I greeted him, approaching him.

"Does Sukuna treat you well?" He asked me, ignoring my greeting. It seemed like being straightforward ran in the family.

"I can not complain," I answered honestly. "Sometimes he's a jerk, but you already know that," I joked. He smiled with the cigarette between his lips.

"I know… very well," he said as he blew the smoke into the wind, being careful not to blow the smoke in my face.

"Does it bother you that I live with him?" I asked him worried.

"Of course not, I just didn't expect it," he answered. "Yuuji told me that you're going to quit soon, is that true?" I was happy to see that he was treating me as always.

"That's right, I'm very excited to return to the gym with my team," I explained with a smile.

Choso despite having some similarities with Sukuna, he was so kind in comparison. His voice was sweet, his touch was pleasant, and his words filled me with joy. My heart moved every time he spoke to me. In the end, I realized that I still liked him, and I was very happy that it was that way. He was my ideal man.

"Are you still thinking about calling me when you become the protector again?" He wondered with a thread of hope. My cheeks blushed redder as I listened. I had already forgotten what I had said to him that night at the bar.

"You know it," I answered him with a smile.

Masterlist.

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Tag list: @maskedpacific @thepurpleempath @mazzd4 @charlie-xo @s0uldarling @sunako-0120 @berranurates @00frenchfries00 @crowned-gemini @alialucille @azuremyst99 @azuremyst99

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heaventree13 · 5 months

Text

How Jikook Found Me

Hi anyone who happens upon this!

**I'm going to preface this with the information that I don't know how to link stuff, embed etc, so hopefully my attempts to do so will work!!**

I've been thinking of doing a "how I discovered jikook" post forever, because I love coming across other's similar stories, and was inspired this morning by @jiminieloved post below:

We discovered jikook at pretty much exactly the same time, if in slightly different ways.

I first joined instagram around October 2019, after only being on facebook prior to that (I had started a twitter account at some point, but had never used it), and somehow the algorithm decided I would be interested in Larry Stylinson. I don't know why. I knew who One Direction were, but didn't really listen to them. I didn't know what a "ship" was, except for "Bennifer" and "Brangelina", and that's not even really the same thing, is it? Anyhoo- it turned out I was a bit of a Larry. They were adorable and what I saw was compelling at the time.

Then, of course, the algorithm started throwing in some other ships for my consideration, and along came the vmin ship videos.

I had no idea who they were at first. I had heard of BTS, vaguely recalled seeing them on some entertainment news program once, but (much to my chagrin, as I could have been listening to them earlier), hadn't paid attention. I'm embarrassed and a little ashamed to say I just remember they all had different coloured hair, were so impossibly pretty, and thought they were likely just a fad.

Don't hate me!! I would fight to the death for all 7 of them now!!!

But I digress! So, I thought vmin were so sweet. Nothing necessarily romantic there to my eyes, but I had an open mind about it, and I had never seen that kind of affection between males. I ate it up. I'm a 50 year old female (46 at the time), and from Canada, and this was so outside my personal experience. I adopted them into my heart. I watched everything I could find on instagram.

And then some stray jikook content started sliding in.

And I got worried. What about my vmin babies? Was my mischievous little V ( I didn't know him as Tae Tae yet) going to get his heart hurt? Of course, I was seeing stuff that had already happened years before in most cases, but all very new and "real time" to my heart, that was slowly turning a vivid purple without my knowledge 💜. But what I was seeing in jikook was quickly becoming undeniable in my eyes.

And I was blown away. My heart remembered what it was like to believe the stories I read and watched in romantic books and movies when I was young. I had decided that was all just the stuff of fiction, and that maybe I was a fool to have believed in it. But no- these two young Korean men were putting Mr. Darcy and Miss Elizabeth to shame! In real life!! I had to slide over to YouTube. I had to start searching stuff like "the way Jungkook looks at Jimin":

And I was able to reconcile vmin and jikook for what I believe it is- no animosity, no competition (at least romantically) because it's two different kinds of love, both just as real. Not that I don't see moments in the content where I think our Tae Tae felt left out, but our babies (all seven of them) had all lived together and done everything together for so long, I think their relationships are not like anything most of us will ever experience or be able to fit into any tidy relationship categories. They are so much more than that.

Somewhere in my searches I found this excellent 3-part commentary by @mimiandkookie4607 :

youtube

And this then this favourite by @themooniswaitingforus (who also makes some really beautiful song edits ,btw) :

youtube

Then I started wanting to watch original content, so I joined WeVerse and VLive. And then of course, as will happen, I fell in love with all 7 of our amazing, hard working, passionate, talented, brave, fun, impressive young men. I will love and support them until they are old men (or at least much older, as I won't be around as long as I fervently hope they will).

There is more, of course. So much more, but I've run out of steam for today! I do want to say that I joined tumblr because of jikook, as well. I first discovered @dalloga through the Korean Perspective video (they haven't been active for a little bit, but it's worth it to go read their blog, for those who haven't), and then @stormblessed95, and went further down the proverbial rabbit hole from there.

Thank you for reading. Stay positive. Be kind. Seek out happy!

#jikook #kookmin #bts #vminkook #vmin #bangtan ot7 #Youtube

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littleb00ger · 6 months

Text

Enter Sandman

CONTENT WARNING(S): agere (age regression) and self soothing, mentions of alcohol and w(ee)d, cigarettes, mentions of night terrors, mentions of anxiety and panic attacks.

-hurt/comfort genre

-gender neutral reader

-reader lives with Cliff, or maybe Cliff lives with them (ie. roommates, whatever your preference)

-THIS VERSION HAS BEEN CENSORED FROM CURSE WORDS!

Summary: You have been suffering from terrible insomnia. You know exactly what you need to do to get a full night's sleep- you've just been putting it off. You were so worried about what Cliff would think. But one night, you were home alone. You had a chance. The only thing you didn't think through was how Cliff would find you when he returned. Would he be accepting?

Notes: This was written for my own personal comfort. Please, please be nice. (Btw I am not very good at writing complete paragraphs lol.)

It finally happened.

You were finally able to sleep.

After months of restless nights- twenty-four hour periods turned to excruciating forty-eight hour periods without sleep. The sweet dreams finally came, and you were in the sandman's cradle.

Before tonight, you tried it all; the melatonin capsules, night lights, meditations, yoga, benadryl, cutting out television an hour before bedtime. You even tried beer and weed! Lord knows there was enough of that in the house, at least.

Surely those two substances combined were enough to virtually knock your lights out!

But nothing seemed to work. You felt like you tried everything in vain. The agony of staying awake for so long made your focus little to none. If sleep was even fortunate enough to grace you with its presence, it would never stay the course. And then came a time where the night terrors were seemingly endless.

All your past traumas would come flooding back to you- chasing you.

Reminding you.

It was embarrassing to wake up thrashing and screaming so loud, Cliff would rush into the room to calm you down- and Cliff slept like a bear. Under any other circumstances, you couldn’t wake him up for anything!

He’d probably sleep through a world war, if it happened.

You were fed up with the night terrors.

He'd help you through the panic attacks every time. And still, shame would pour upon you each time you apologized for waking him.

Cliff was even kind enough to let you sleep beside him, sometimes. But it felt ultimately useless. It felt like nothing was gonna get you to stay asleep- if you did at all. He kept urging you to see a doctor. A psychiatrist, a sleep specialist….something!

You couldn’t keep living like this. Slumber would hit him like a ton of bricks- and you would be left to lay there with eyes wide open, listening to him soundly snore. You would often wish that you could snore along with him; to come with on a joyride to the good dream realm, for once.

But not tonight.

You hadn’t let yourself regress in so long, but you knew deep down that it was the answer to all your sleeping troubles. It would always calm you down and aid in a very good night’s sleep. Your age regression never failed. But you were stubborn.

No, you couldn’t- not in the same house as Cliff Burton.

He was such a smart and talented man. In a way, you certainly looked up to him. The way he spoke, the way he carried himself, the way he stayed so calm all the time- and you were always on the edge of a freak out. The sleeplessness sure didn’t help that matter, either.

Most folks didn’t understand age regression. Too many chalk it up to be something it should not. So you didn’t like to talk about it. You didn't want those closest to you getting the wrong impression.

Just imagine if Cliff found out reverting yourself down to a mere toddler was what you called “Heaven”. You were always the happiest when you were small. The pleasures were simple, and life felt joyous.

There was no way. He would tease you for sure.

At least, that’s what you thought.

Cliff may not have shown it, but he was worried about you.

Age regression was a trauma response.

You were good at suppressing those feelings, even when the regression was abrupt or involuntary. But masking was exhausting, and you were already tired enough. "Somethings gotta give." You thought.

So tonight, you took a chance.

Cliff invited you to go out with friends that evening, but wasn't surprised when you turned down the offer. He knew you really didn’t have the energy, but still wanted to be nice. He felt bad, knowing there wasn’t much he could do.

“Alright, well just try to relax,” Cliff told you. He tapped a brand new pack of Marlboro reds against his palm while saying this.

“Chill out, order in and watch a movie or something.” He bit the tip of a fresh square between his teeth. “I rolled an extra joint, if you’re interested.” He grinned real wide with the cigarette still poking out through his choppers. “I left it on the dresser for you.”

That man and his weed.

You thanked him, even though you weren’t very keen on smoking. It’s the thought that counts, and you knew he was trying his best to help you in whatever way he could. He patted your shoulder before he left, as a way to reassure you.

When he left, you took a deep breath. You were diving into a big leap of faith- and honestly, it was about time! Regression truly felt like your last hope; your last chance to get the rest you’ve been waiting for.

So you pulled out your toys and threw on your cozy clothes, determined to have a blast. And more importantly- determined to get to sleep.

And after hours of playing, relaxation, and watching cartoons, here you were- snug as a bug in a rug. You were wrapped up in a blanket with your favorite plush and your binky tucked between your teeth. Everything was perfect. Finally.

It was about twenty past midnight when Cliff returned.

Entering the home, he was puzzled to be greeted with silence. Usually the tv was on or some type of noise was stirring. But all he could hear was the faintest ticking of the clock. He shut the back door behind him and shed his shoes. He mosied into the quiet living room, hoping that everything was okay.

Cliff dismissively threw his keys back into his pocket while approaching the living room entrance. He stopped in place and raised an eyebrow when he saw you, on the couch fast asleep-

….With a pacifier?

Now Cliff was even more puzzled about what was going on. While on the other hand, he was absolutely relieved to finally see you sleeping. He was ecstatic for you, it was a miracle! He almost wanted to jump with joy and cheer! At last, you were asleep.

He looked at the surrounding area and puffed out a breathy chuckle while seeing the childish toys laying around. Rattles, toy cars, blocks, Little People figures with their playsets- you name it, you had it. Of course, he knew you always enjoyed toys, you had a whole collection growing on your shelf! But he never saw you display these toys before.

Cliff lightened his steps as he crept closer. You looked so peaceful and cute.

He may have had a thousand questions running through his head about what was going on, but none of that really mattered, right now. A kind and gentle smile spread across his face while kneeling beside the couch.

He couldn’t help but just watch you. Not in any demeaning sort of way- but Cliff was truly fascinated. He's never seen anything like this before.

And on top of that, he was stoned. Like usual. That only seemed to enhance his fascination.

Soft hazel eyes scanned over the rhythmic rise and fall of your chest as you breathe. He saw the way your eyelids would twitch, and the front of your binky wiggled whenever it was sucked. The redhead wanted to reach out and pet your hair, but refrained from doing so, seeing as not to wake you.

Cliff watched you for another moment, hearing your quiet breathing. He wondered what you were dreaming about. "Hopefully it’s something good.” He thought. He didn’t notice the keys he’d so carelessly shoved into his bell bottoms were dangling away from the fabric. He was solely focused on you.

And all within seconds did they slip out, loudly clunking to the carpet in a big metal pile.

Crap.

You immediately stirred and opened your eyes before Cliff could even react. Things were groggy; it took you a couple seconds to realize that he was kneeling right next to you. Your eyes immediately widened with fear like saucers. Wait. Where the heck did he come from?!

Your mind was racing, trying to put the pieces together in your tired and fragile state of mind. What time is it? How long had Cliff been staring at you? Why was he staring at you? Even more importantly-

Did Cliff still like you? Was he angry about the mess? Did he think you were weird?

Is he going to think this was something bad like all the others?

There were so many questions and in your childlike state of mind, you couldn't take it. You couldn't handle feeling so crowded. You trembled and pulled away from the blanket and cushions of the couch. You recoiled into yourself from such a startle. No, this was not a good way to be woken up. Not at all.

“Woah. Hey, hey, it’s okay. It’s just me.” Cliff put on a soft tone of voice. He held up his hands in a surrendering gesture. “It’s okay, you’re safe.” Even though every single curse word in the English language was racing through his brain, in this situation. Those stupid keys.

You shook your head. Your mind was like a light switch, shifting back and forth from adult to child. It finally dawned on you that you still had the binky planted in your mouth. Your teeth had bit down, holding on for dear life as your fight or flight mode was exposed. It was like you couldn’t move aside from a tremble.

A murmur erupted from your throat. “I-”

You finally pulled it away from your mouth and threw it off to the other side of the couch. “I can explain!” The much louder words flew out of your mouth so fast, you didn’t even realize it made you drool. Now you must’ve looked even more like a child to Cliff.

You wiped your chin on the sleeve of your sweater and looked up at the tall man before you. You felt defeated. Dog tired and defeated.

“Shh.” Cliff shook his head and continued to be tender. “It can wait until later.” He remained cautious of your frail mindstate, while putting his hand on your shoulder for comfort. “Everything’s okay. Just breathe.” He would often take deep breaths along with you, during your anxiety attacks.

All you could think was- “please don’t cry, please don’t cry, please don’t cry.” But you did the best you could. You were breathing along with him with quivering lungs.

You almost didn’t want him to touch you. He read your emotion clear as day after noticing your shoulder inch back from him, ever the slightest. Cliff pulled his hand away while keeping his calm demeanor. "It's alright." He wasn't offended. His face was soft, and his half-lidded, stoner eyes kept a caring gaze of concern.

“Want me to get you a glass of water?”

Water was good. Hydration was good.

You shrugged your shoulders. It was hard to maintain eye contact. The shameful feeling heavy on your shoulders was making it nearly impossible. Your eyes kept darting around the room in a frenzy. Without another word, the redhead stood up fully and went to the kitchen; you assumed for the glass of water he offered.

You brought your knees up to your chest and buried your face into them, hugging yourself while still breathing. It was this.

This.

This crap was exactly what you were afraid of.

“He’s never gonna look at you the same way again. You’ve messed everything up.” You were mentally scolding yourself over it. Thinking that way was doing nothing to help your anxiety. It was self-sabotage at its worst. It was all too familiar.

In contrast, Cliff remained very positive. He may not have fully understood what he walked in on, but he had a hunch. But what you experienced was so much more than just basic nostalgia. It was sheer comfort. Whatever it was, he knew one thing was for certain-

If it helps you relax enough to actually stay asleep, he was going to encourage it. Without a doubt.

Who was he to pass judgment?

You were brought back to reality by the gentle ‘clink’ of a glass being set on the coffee table. You looked up from your knees to stare at the cup of water, then finally, up at Cliff. Dear Cliff- bass extraordinaire.

“Here you go.” He smiled at you. Despite your wide eyes being tearful, he found your stare to be ingenuous; childlike, even. Not that it was even surprising, given the circumstances of how he found you.

Cliff watched you slowly start to untangle yourself from the ball that you were curled in. He wanted to titter at the way your socks were too big for your feet; they fell away from your calves and bunched at your ankles.

You were cautious while reaching for the glass with both hands, which were still shaky from the aftereffects of fright. You sipped the water successfully without dropping it. All the times in childhood you were yelled at for spilling, briefly went through your mind. The memories made you want to cringe.

Small children use sippy cups and tumblers with straws for a reason.

But at least you didn’t have to worry about that, right now.

Cliff didn’t want to make his staring at you obvious- that probably did more harm than good for tonight. He was still discreetly annoyed with himself for causing you such agitation. So he decided to clear up the toys left on the floor, stashing them all in one pile to be put away later.

Every time he leaned over, he took the opportunity to pass you a glance through his long red locks.

Oversized sweater ten sizes too big; big slouchy, mismatched socks; boxer-style underwear that was printed with little green aliens? Come on!

You were adorable to him.

He could almost feel his freckled cheeks start to heat up in a blush. He turned away and grinned to himself while hearing one of your toys rattle as it was moved. He imagined how cute you'd look while playing with these.

After a few sips, you set the glass down while scooting yourself to the very edge of the seat. You took a deep breath, using the moment to contemplate your next move. Your eyes were starting to blur from holding back the emotions for so long, and your leg was bouncing from restlessness.

Being so nervous was making you stutter. You were finding it difficult to force your words out.

“I’m gonna-”

Hold on, what were you gonna do, again?

“Go pee.”

You shook your head. “Wait, ew. Rephrase yourself. Don't say it like that!”

“Uh, go to the bathroom. I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” Your words spewed out so fast, you almost felt like Regan from The Exorcist. Projectile-barfing out green vomit everywhere- except in your case, it was words. Word-vomit.

You finally found the strength to stand up on your wobbly legs.

Cliff was returning your puzzle pieces back into the box, when he turned his head to you and nodded. “Take your time.” His voice sounded sincere. Definitely not sarcastic in any way.

There was a brief awkwardness surrounding the living room. You just stood there, twirling your fingers around the fraying hems of your sweater sleeves. Why was Cliff acting so….nonchalant? It felt suspicious.

“You don’t have to clean up after me, you know.”

Again, your words mumbled and sputtered like a dying engine. In Cliff’s high state, he almost had to take a second to realize what you said. He sealed up the box of puzzle pieces and set it aside. “You’re good, I don’t mind.” He grinned at you with hopefulness.

There could have been a chance he was lying, but Cliff was an honest man. He was always the type of guy to just tell it like it is. You had to remember he was also under the influence.

Okay, so maybe it's not so suspicious.

You said nothing while nodding your head. You were light on your feet as you slipped past him to the bathroom down the hall. Your vision was blurring the whole way there. As soon as you closed the door, everything broke loose.

There was no more holding back. Tears started pouring out like a fountain, bringing all the unwanted anxiety, guilt, and shame to the surface. Choking down your sobs the best you could with your head in your hands. You felt like there was no going back now. There was no way to undo this- this mess you caused.

There was no way for Cliff to unsee what he saw.

“Why did I take the stupid chance?” You thought. All hope must be lost. You felt so pathetic.

But what you didn’t know was that he didn’t want to unsee things. He wanted honesty. He wanted to witness the real you. And he wanted to be there to help you power through the trenches, so long as you let him.

Cliff was patient.

It felt like you’d been in the bathroom for so long. The tears were finally slowing down, leaving your eyes aching. Now you feel even more exhausted than before. You flushed the toilet and turned to the sink. The reflection in the mirror felt haunting to you.

He’s gonna know you’ve been crying.

You took one straight look at yourself and turned away. It was like a trap to get you to start crying again.

You ignored the mirror while washing your hands, then splashed your face with water. It was going to take a minute to prepare walking out. Best case scenario, Cliff stopped caring and went to bed.

Nah, Cliff was a night-owl. Even more so than that, he was not one to abandon his friends when they may be vulnerable. He wasn’t going to leave you alone and upset like this.

After drying your hands and face, you took a deep breath. Your body felt frozen in place with your hand on the doorknob. You looked over at the mirror again. Red eyes, red nose, still looking all sorts of pitiful. So many insults were crowding your brain again. Just like always. But you remembered why regression worked so well for you-

It replaced some of your bad habits. Much nastier ones.

“Shut up.” You mumbled and turned away from the mirror.

Those were old habits; ones you’ve grown out of. As ironic as it was, letting yourself be a child again has done wonders in helping you grow as a person. It was almost like therapy.

There was a sliver of confidence that helped you open the door again. You turned the light off behind you, hoping to leave all the tears and terrible thoughts behind.

Cliff was now sitting in the armchair with a lit square between his fingers. He was staring off at nothing in particular while looking deep in thought. He turned to you, offering another hopeful smile when you returned.

“Are you feeling any better?”

“I guess.” There was a pause between your words. You sat back down on the couch rather stiffly, staring straight ahead without expression.

Cliff’s smile quickly faded. He noticed your facial features still reddened and damp from crying. Smoke exhaled from his lips. “Come on, don’t lie.” His tone of voice remained neutral. Caring. "You know you can always talk to me."

You could see in the corner of your eye as he stubbed his square into the ashtray. The hair fell into your face while lowering your head. You stared down at your feet awkwardly. He was right. This mess wasn't gonna resolve itself.

“I’m sorry.”

That was all you could think to say. You sniffed back another myriad of tears, mopping your cheeks with your sleeve. The redhead wasn’t sure how to respond. Why did you feel sorry?

You didn’t do anything wrong.

He rose from the seat, moving over to the empty spot beside you. You felt his big hand rest on your back. He was just sitting beside you, trying to bring some comfort. You cursed under your breath while wiping away even more unwanted tears. They should’ve been all dried up by now.

“What’re you sorry for? I’m not mad.” Cliff assured. You felt him start to lightly rub up and down your back. That was instantly calming. You wanted to purr like a kitten and lean into his caress.

Laying beside him was your plushie. He smiled to himself and picked it up. He could tell just how loved this little toy was. Some of the seams appeared loose. The fabric was worn and matted in some areas, but it was still soft and cuddly-

And cute. Just like you.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”

You could finally tell by his tone that Cliff was being sincere. So why the heck were you still so afraid? Why couldn’t you let him in? You were on a rollercoaster full of emotions, and you just wanted off. You didn’t want to be afraid.

Your head eventually lifted to reveal the exhaustion in your puffy eyes. “You don’t understand.” You sighed.

After a few seconds, you finally had the courage to look him in the eyes. Cliff has such a wise, old soul; you could tell just by looking at him. You were starting to trust that he wasn’t going to judge you.

“I want to. But I can’t if you don’t let me.” He rubbed your back again. His words remained gentle and empathetic. You nodded. Cliff settled the treasured stuffed animal into your arms, presenting another smile. You loved the way the corners of his mouth dimpled when he smiled. You finally smiled back- just a little.

“I just don’t wanna talk about it.” You made eye contact again while cuddling the plush to your chest. “I mean, I don’t think I can, right now.” You rubbed your fingers over the toy's fabric.

He nodded his head with all his understanding. “Like I said before, everything can wait until later.” He tousled your hair. “I’m not going to push you.” He poked you lightly in your side with his index finger, while sticking out his tongue- as a way to lighten the atmosphere.

Good ‘ol Cliff.

“P’omise?” You lisped. You looked at him with trusting eyes.

"Course I promise.” Cliff chuckled a little. "We can talk about it when you're ready." You noticed him look over toward the clock. It was ten after one. “Besides, we need to get you back to sleep.”

Cliff pulled your discarded binky from where it was thrown. It was laying between the cushions in the corner of the couch- but certainly not forgotten. He wiped off the rubber part and offered it to you. “If it helps you fall asleep, you should really use it.”

You looked at the binky he held up to you, then back at him before finally taking it. There was a tiny part of you that dreamed of this one day happening. Of Cliff actually encouraging you to regress, maybe even playing with you-

Maybe even look after you.

Your face sizzled with shyness, spinning the binky around in your hands. After contemplating for a short minute, you brought it up to your mouth. You latched on again and immediately started to feel better. Who knew such a mundane object would make all the difference.

The front of your binky wiggled a few times while you looked up at Cliff, who was now standing up with a big grin on his face. You trusted that he wouldn't laugh.

“That better?” He gave your head a few gentle pats.

“Mhm.” You nodded. “Tank 'ew.” You were starting to slip again and you were too tired to fight it. Way too tired. Your eyelids were growing heavy- in fact, everything was starting to feel heavy. Your body felt like a rock- a boulder, even.

You slumped backward into the cushions and watched as Cliff picked up the throw blanket, giving it a shake. You looked so sweet to him. Your plushie was still in your arms, being clutched to your chest.

“You must be so tired.” He helped you lay down. You curled up and made yourself as small as you could, rubbing your cheek against the soft, fleecy fabric of your sleeping companion. He draped the blanket over you and watched you snuggle in.

“There you go. Everything’s alright.” He brushed away some strands of hair from your face. He wanted you to feel nice and peaceful.

Cliff was cooing to you as if you were just a little child.

The little child you've always wanted to remain.

“It’s okay.”

He knelt down beside you, just like he did before you woke up. He whispered tender nothings to you, in between humming. His voice was like butter in your ears. Your head was empty, you didn't even know what song he was humming. All that mattered was that you were warm and safe beside him. Nothing could hurt you.

He continued to hum a low melody while stroking your hair. The weight and warmth of his hands, his crooning- it was all too much. Sweet slumber was inching closer and closer by the seconds. And before long, you just couldn’t keep your eyes open any further.

After all these months-

The nightmares had finally come to an end.

#I'm so scared to post 😭#agere blog #sfw smolspace #safe agere #sfw agere #sfw interaction only #SAFE. FOR. WORK.!!#sfw age regressor #sfw regression #sfw fanfic #agere fanfiction #age regression fanfic #hurt/comfort genre

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1moremilgram-enjoyer · 7 months

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Thus commences the last in the "Haru bugs FF about Milgram" series, with only two more characters to put on the table !! ...Huh? Ask in my inbox? What ask in my inbox, I have no idea what you're talking about !! Aha !! Ahahahaa !! (i swear i'm getting to answering it i'm sorry for the wait) The last two on the list is Green Anime Baby (/ref) and Schrodinger's Sexuality, both of which you have already talked about before but this can serve as an opportunity to say whatever else is on your mind regarding them

The end of an era, really. The final two people.

Take your time on my ask! It's pretty hard to get so many thoughts on these characters in words, because there's a lot to them, so.

CW: Internalized homophobia, suicide and murder, cults and indoctrination, child abuse, heavy Amane apologism.

EDIT: On second read, I may have come off a bit strong with the Amane apologism. Keep in mind most of it’s hyperbole. I recognize her actions are morally grey, that’s the fun of it, but this isn’t a serious analysis. This is a collection of brainrot, and so I’m letting myself indulge in mindless Amane apologism, hope it’s not too much of a bother.

Let's start with Kazui. The (allegedly) gay (possibly) aromantic old man. Yeah, the aro/gay reading has grown on me since I made that Cat post. Though I'm biased towards the aro thing for obvious reasons.

Anyways, I like him! For the final time there is the issue of sexual attraction being a decently big part of someone's character, and me not really being able to relate to that, but at least this one has the whole thing about lying and societal expectations which makes it a bit more interesting for me. I personally have never had any big issues with my sexuality after I figured it out, but I can sympathize with his struggles to an extent. More than I can sympathize with Mahiru anyways.

I am always inclined to like characters who lie a lot, because it makes them more interesting to analyze. I tend to prefer when they aren't constantly telling everyone they're a liar, but Kazui isn't as annoying about it as some other characters (if I can like Kokichi I'll survive Kazui's thing). Kazui is cool because there's always the tiny doubt in my mind that maybe we're making a horrible horrible mistake by voting him inno this trial, but the more logical part of me knows that really isn't the case probably.

Shame his songs aren't really my kinda thing. I like Cat well enough, and I think half is good too, they're just not what I usually listen to.

I think it's funny his first instinct in his first VD was to try and apprehend Es, very funny guy. In particular, I think one of the most hilarious things that I've seen from Milgram so far is when someone before the release of Cat shipped him with the bartender just so Milgram could have a "Gay or European" parody, which is great, watch it if you haven't, and then it became canon (in theory).

As you know, I'm currently voting him Innocent, not just because of the whole "defending the others" thing, but because he clearly regrets what he did, he didn't mean to kill Hinako in the first place, so while what he did was pretty shitty, I don't think it's completely unforgivable.

I'm honestly coming up a bit blank on what to say about him other than the stuff I've sorta already talked about. I'll talk about the interrogations later, because right now I'm sorta distracted... by her.

Look at her!!!!

Look at how silly she is!!! She is not mentally stable but she slays that insanity look!!!

There's more of them??? This is fantastic!!! I love that for her!!!

Look at how happy she is, going to commit first degree murder!!! Yes, go literally slay queen! Kill 'em! Make them suffer >:D!!

(That last image and her murder shot may be my favorite Milgram frames btw)

I love her a lot a lot. To make it clear to you, I like her about as much, if not even more, than Min. Yeah, that's the critical levels of brainrot we're dealing with here.

She's just so fantastic honestly. Her entire story and personality and capital S Silliness is just fascinating, I could think and talk about her forever. It's hard for me to put into words, because I think about her and I start vibrating. Hands are shaking because Amane too awesome.

Amane is the reason why I even got into Milgram in the first place, you know? Like, I was seeing it pop up around my dash every now and then, but I was content to kinda ignore it... until I started seeing fanart of this weird little girl standing in an army of clones, and she looked a little... a little silly you know? I wanted to see what the deal was, and so I started obssessing over Milgram, so.

And what a time to join. Purge March may not be my favorite song musically (it's probably fifth after Backdraft, MeMe, Harrow and Bring it On. Magic is a bit below that but I also like that one), but it's probably overall my favorite MV of the series. Amane's an incredibly interesting character, the visuals are awesome, and lyrically it's amazing. Literally my only complaint is that it isn't longer, like please under three minutes? The shortest fucking MV in the series?! Evil /lh

One of my favorite Milgram lines in general is:

After you cry, repent, and kneel, it’s now your turn to say that hopeless “I’m sorry” You’re sorry? I don’t care! Please, go ahead and die already!

Just the almost jarring shift from "like our religion ordains, everything will be back to normal if you just apologize and repent :)" to "I don't care what you do, I hate you and I want you dead" is fuckaingadjk yes Amane go go go kill 'em! I don't care if you try to excuse your actions by twisting your cult's teachings so much you actually contradict them! That just makes it even better!

Yeah my sense of morality cannot properly process Amane's crimes as actually evil. Honestly she could kill the entire cast and I'd forgive her. Sounds like a skill issue on their part not gonna lie. Just let her stab Shidou, come on! Let her brainwash Fuuta! If she has DID, then let one of the alters not afflicted by Milgram rules stab Es! I think that'd be very funny.

God, she's just asodak`+ anda alsldk

Sorry, I'm normal again <- Kazui-core statement (aka a lie).

Amane's just really awesome. I can't properly make a character analysis here because I will simply explode and I'd like to survive to see her third trial MV. I think I'll love it no matter what it is, but I do have some things I would particularly adore. Bassically I just want her to go feral, just- just go insane. My inner Veronika in full swing, I wanna see a play by play of her murder and just her covered in blood and screaming like yeah girl beat 'em up! I've seen some people suggest she should just turn into a monster in her MV and that would be so awesome. I am so immensely normal about her holy fuck do you understand.

Obviously I think she should be voted Innocent this trial. Because I'm pretty sure there's just no coming back from a second Guilty, so we're essentially dooming her and irreversably breaking her psyche. Shidou will probably survive any physical wounds she could possibly inflict, but I'm not entirely sure Amane would be able to recover after a Guilty. I also have a full draft talking about all the ways voting her Guilty just to protect Shidou could go wrong (Fuuta could attack in her place/there's a chance it wouldn't even stop Amane/Amane could sabotage medical equipment even while Guilty/Amane might still have the "first stage of physical restraints" from Trial 1 making a second Guilty redundant/DID could let her skip over the rules/etc). So overall I think Innocent is by far the better option, and I hope the way she's bleeding Inno percentage is some sort of statistical quirk and not her actually losing ground on absolute terms...

... But.

Listen, an inno is absolutely the best option in my mind. But if she gets voted Guilty, after I cry for a few months straight...

I am going to be so excited to see what she does in Trial 3. My inner Veronika coming out again, I wanna see how bad she gets. The more terrible and feral she becomes, I'll only love her more. I want to see all the horrible things she's willing to do and say without justification (/ref). God Kami-sama I need therapy.

Ehem. Anyways, I like Amane a lot.

And there's the dynamics, the dynamics! I've already brainrotted about her and Fuuta a bit on his post, but holy shit I love them so much. I want them to get out of Milgram and be silly together. They really are the siblings ever. Fuuta would introduce Amane to all sort of online and self-indulgent stuff she probably wouldn't have had access to before, helping her reconnect with her own desires and happiness, and Amane would try to get him to touch some grass and fail miserably. They are probably my favorite prisoner duo overall; they're both already silly on their own, and their silliness is multiplied exponentially when they are together.

Like, you gotta understand. It's not just that they are objectively hilarious together and they should hang out all the time always. There's also the parallels. Have you ever noticed how they both present themselves as heroes in their own ways (knight and magical girl)?

That they both want nothing more than to impress the very people who are pushing them to do bad things?

[Magic] I hope, I hope everyone can be happy and smile

[Backdraft] Tolerate, impress those spectators

The way Fuuta sees judgement as fire while Amane sees it as rain?

And justavs jas doj oq

God I am exploding I am going crazy like O2 I'm burning myself into oblivion I'm undeniably inequivocally definitely completely insane-

Okay I'm calm now. I need to stop thinking about 0308 parallels because I will simply combust. So we're moving on to-

Oh fuck the Es parallels too!

Amane: We’ve talked about this before. There are things more important than the law. That would be our teachings. Es: I won’t acknowledge you turning such selfish rules into a standard of judgment. I won’t allow it. End of story. A: … E: Both religion and faith are free. However, a doctrine can’t become a universal standard of judgment. A: You fool. Isn’t Milgram trying to enforce a new standard of judgment precisely because laws cannot guide this world onto the right path? Are you still being weighed down by the law?

E: Shut your mouth…! I am the one casting the judgements here! A: Hehehe. And how does that set you apart from us?

A: “We”? What’s “we”? Are you not just “I”? E: … I…? A: Aren’t we the same? Me and Warden-san. You know, I’m aware that I’m out of the ordinary. That my environment was peculiar, and that everyone else is normal.

What if I just ascend into another realm? What then? Can I still post my silly little thoughts from the world beyond?

Listen, there's so much to talk about with these two. I've already said I'm a sucker for protag foils, and Amane may be the most direct foil Es has alongside Fuuta and possibly Kotoko. Not to even mention their sibling dynamic, too, only matched in awesomeness by 0308!

E: No matter what you do, no matter how grown-up you behave – you’re a child. That’s an unchangeable truth. A: You’re a child, too! E: Wrong. I’m fifteen, so I’m an adult in Puerto Rico and Haiti. You’re twelve, so you’re a child no matter the country. A: …!! E: Hehe. You look angry. A: I don’t. E: You do. A: I don’t!

Actual sibling behavior what the hell. I think they should stick together if they get outta the hell prison.

Honestly it's ridiculous how awesome this girl is. I could talk about her and her parallels with all prisoners for days straight. I am not normal about her.

It's not even the prisoners either! Like, have you heard of the Sacred Texts, the godforsaken fucking cat parallels?! I'm going crazy just thinking about them. The only reason I haven't posted 15000 different posts about it is because Amane PhD haver Dr purgemarchlockdown has already talked about it so much. But they are so incredible. Animal cover goes hard, too. I have to listen to all of those at some point.

I will be so upset if she doesn't end up Innocent this trial (not as in mad, as in extremely depressed and a bit mad). I've even tried to cope by thinking of how it's mathematically possible she's actually been getting more Inno votes than Guilty but her percentage is dropping anyways due to statistical quirks and please tell me once the percentage stabilizes it will hover around like 53% give me some graphs I want to try to make some predictions please augh-

Anyways I need to calm down or I will never be able to post this.

So let's look at interrogation questions! New ones come out soon, yeah? I'm excited to talk about them when it happens (and after someone translates lol). Kazui first!

(T1) Q2: Is there anyone you hold in high esteem?

K: You wouldn't know them, but I have a childhood friend. I really look up to them. Sorry for bringing up someone you'd have no clue about.

(T1) Q17: What would you do if the world ends tomorrow?

K: I would lazily do some fishing. My childhood friend who I talked about earlier has a boat.

Childhood friends to lovers AO3 tag is strong with this one huh. Hope his Trial 3 MV contains a scene of him fishing. It's just a funny image really.

(T1) Q3: If you were allowed to do anything, what would you want to do?

K: I'd like to live righteously.

(T1) Q4: Do you think that your family is proud of you?

K: No. They must find me embarrassing.

(T1) Q7: Do you like yourself?

K: I can't really say I do.

(T1) Q19: Do you want to be forgiven?

K: I'm not sure. I also want my weakness to be tolerated, to be honest.

Yeah, the (alleged) internalized homophobia is strong with this one, huh. I'm assuming that's what he's referring to when he says "weakness" unfortunately. I hope he gets therapy when he gets out of Milgram. But you can say the same about all the sillies I guess.

(T1) Q5: When you go to an amusement park, what do you like to ride?

K: The merry-go-round. I actually want to try riding on one.

What. Is this. Is this related to the merry-go-round in I Love You? Like Kazui wanting to try being in a relationship where the love is (somewhat at least) reciprocated? Will think on this more later. Maybe.

(T1) Q6: What is the difference between an adult and a child?

K: Responsibility. Adults can't just go and do whatever they want.

One day I'll start making posts about the prisoner pairs and this will come up in 0708 but I am currently unable to think more about Amane without imploding so.

(T1) Q12: What is the meaning of life?

K:I wonder what. If you find out, kindly come and tell this old man.

(T1) Q14: Do you listen to music?

K: Well, a decent amount. I'm sure you wouldn't know them because they're all old songs.

Why does my guy always talk like he's about to die from old age. Dude you're not even 40 you have literally half (song reference hah) of your life left at least, at least try to live it you know?

(T1) Q15: When do you wake up/go to bed?

K: Because I don't have a job now, I'm letting myself act freely. I sleep whenever I get sleepy, and get up before noon.

I've always wondered about this one. Retirement for police officers in Japan is around 60 years usually, so there's gotta be some other reason my guy's unemployed. That's assuming he was a police officer, since I've seen some dispute the claim, but I think it makes sense. Did he quit after Hinako's death? Something happen before it? It's really peculiar, especially because we don't really get any reference to this in either half or Cat from what I can see.

(T1) Q16: Do you believe in past existences and fortune-telling?

K: I don't. I can't shift to them the responsibility of what happens in life.

Oh you mean like how Amane pretends her murder was ordained by God even though her cult would very clearly disavow her killing anyone or anything because of the whole "follow thine destiny" thing? Curious.

Alright now get ready for me to analyze literally every single Amane question out of principle.

(T1) Q1: Do you have any special skills?

A: Nothing that I can call a talent. Perhaps studying. I do well in my Japanese class.

Does murder count as a special skill? Because I think she's actually decently good at it. Her studiousness is obviously caused by the whole cult thing, but good on her for being good at Japanese! Couldn't be me.

(T1) Q2: Is there anyone you hold in high esteem?

A: My father. My father has been on a journey for a while, but that is something very honorable.

I've always wondered how the father thing plays into her story, there hasn't been too much reference to him yet. There is the second voice reveal trailer thing, but honestly I'm not too sure what to make of it honestly.

(T1) Q3: If you were allowed to do anything, what would you want to do?

A: Nothing really. I am not lacking anything.

Alright you lying liar.

(T1) Q17: What would you do if the world ends tomorrow?

A: If everything ends? Then, I might do all sorts of things I have never done before.

I fucking love characters who lie to themselves yes fucking inject that shit in my soul-

(T1) Q4: Do you think that your family is proud of you?

A: Of course. No daughter is as exemplary as I.

(T1) Q13: Who do you want to meet right now?

A: My father. I want him to praise me for working hard.

Her (allegedly) dead mother staring at her from hell like ಠ_ಠ

One day I'll make a post about how it's possible everyone in Milgram's just dead and Amane got killed by her father when he returned home and that's how she ended up in Milgram and I'll be sad.

(T1) Q5: When you go to an amusement park, what do you like to ride?

A: That is a place I should not go to.

I hate her cult so bad. I imagine that would be obvious, but I'll say it anyways.

(T1) Q6: What is the difference between an adult and a child?

A: There is no borderline there. I think there are grown-up children and childish grown-ups.

She had to grow up so fast I'm fucking depressed. Also ngl "childish grown-ups" is kinda based I think Amane should just insult people more often it's very awesome of her.

(T1) Q7: Do you like yourself?

A: I have never considered it from the perspective of love and hate, but I do think I am a good child.

Ouch. Ouchie ouch ouch.

(T1) Q8: Between ethics and emotion, which do you prioritize?

A: Both are trivial.

"Throw down, ethics is a delusion"~

This is honestly just a really funny answer. I get why she's saying it (common ethics and her own emotions are not as important as her cult's teachings in her eyes), but there's always a bit of hilarity that ensues when you say "ethics are trivial." Amane should honestly be allowed to violate Geneva conventions, I think the world would be better if she did.

(T1) Q9: Tell me what your family consists of.

A: It was my father, my mother, and I.

Was, huh. Wonder what happened there (murder happened there (allegedly)).

(T1) Q10: Is there any prisoner you're close with?

A: If I were to say, I guess it would be Yuno and Mahiru.

And then she wasn't! Kami-sama that first trial aftermath was a warzone.

(T1) Q11: What kind of meat do you like?

A: I don't eat meat.

The part of me that loves body horror sorta wants Amane to be shown eating her victim in Trial 3 to really drive home how 'this is not what the cult wants her to do'. Is that not a normal thing to say? It makes me sound completely fucking unhinged? Oops. Anyways.

(T1) Q12: What is the meaning of life?

A: I think it is something you learn for the first time when you look behind yourself when it ends. I do not want to have regrets then, so I live on with all my might.

Sometimes (a lot of the time) I think about Amane when she grows up and hopefully is out of her cult's control, and how she'll feel about the first 12 years of her life. I hope she and Shidou make up.

(T1) Q14: Do you listen to music?

A: Not really, to songs that are highly entertaining.

I headcanon that if the prisoner's listened to each other's songs, Backdraft would be Amane's favorite because it's exciting and she likes Fuuta.

(T1) Q15: When do you wake up/go to bed?

A: I go to sleep at 9PM, and wake up at 6AM.

She sleeps for nine hours a night? This is the healthiest sleep schedule I've ever seen in my entire life the fuck is this. I get this is because of the cult thing, so I think my girl should get to do a sleep-over with some of the other prisoners eventually, but still.

(T1) Q16: Do you believe in past existences and fortune-telling?

A: Although there are many fake ones.

How do you think Amane would react to Mikoto's tarot thing? I can't think of anything funny to say so I'm just not gonna address the question.

(T1) Q18: Do you regret your "murder"?

A: No. It was a natural obligation.

So true bestie, kill the bitch. I will live up to my name as the Local Amane Momose Apologist, I want her to kill everyone that's ever hurt her (not the audience obvs).

(T1) Q19: Do you want to be forgiven?

A: Of course. I anticipate that you will make the right judgment.

Come on, how can you disappoint her again? Vote her inno, she deserves it.

(T1) Q20: Any complaints about being imprisoned?

A: No. Because this is a trial by God.

Reason #543785478 why voting her inno is the better option: there is zero chance she sees a second Guilty as anything but another trial she must endure, so she'll only cling harder to her faith and I seriously worry we might not be able to get her back by the time Trial 3 rolls around.

Okay brainrot over. I'll be surprised if anyone survives that amount of insanity but here we are. Thanks for all the asks! And excited to see what you're cooking on your end. Take care!

#amane momose #kazui mukuhara

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aspd-culture · 7 months

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Greetings,

1. Your content is very helpful, big thanks for answering questions so thoroughly!

I have aspd+npd and adhd.

cd in childhood ✔️

So I started therapy again, had my 3 visits to get-to-know-eachother and soon will have weekly or so appointments.

Now she ain’t really familiar with cluster b (I know I know…), but no other therapist in my area takes new patients or is familiar with the topic either.

Now today I told her about my diagnosis’s straightforward and she’s all about “not labeling symptoms as diagnosis’s”, she’s an in depth-psychotherapy psychologist and works with the NVC nonviolent communication concept by Marshall Rosenberg *deep sigh*

“Based on the teachings of Sigmund Freud, traditional psychoanalysis deals with the reconstruction of long-repressed memories, while depth psychology focuses primarily on the "present conscious".”

Now I know I will have to withhold my “I know better about this” reactions to some degree, I told her about cluster b treatment being specific and a lot of other disorders have same/similar symptoms aka having labels like aspd&npd IS HELPFUL CUZ NOW YOU KNOW WHAT YOURE WORKING WITH?? (+do precise research)

but we talked a little bit about me experiencing npd shame and she was like: “well that contradicts itself, you cannot have aspd and experience shame, aspd lacks that & you appear to be a nice lady anyway” *implodes*

The mocking laugh I had to withhold omg.

Now going by the books at least >3 symptoms have to be present & I have more than that.

Everyone experiences it differently, idk if it’s even considered somewhat of a spectrum?

And I HAVE THE LITERAL DIAGNOSIS ANYWAY.

Like what does she not get about me ALSO HAVING NPD COMORBID?! and shame being the core of NPD?

Now… I’ll probably stay with her for a while (if I have the self control) since I really need therapy to some degree at least, cuz things suck big time right now.

And my question is how to teach her her job and explain the aspd&npd comorbid stuff to her and that labels do play a role here? Idk just overall advice?

End of frustration rant🤦🏻‍♀️

-K

Thank you, I do my best!

TW, all caps text in the response (not aggressive, in a surprised/reaction way)

I'm just... gonna liveblog my response to this bc I have so many feelings on this therapist already and I have barely read 1/4 of the ask yet.

Not being familiar with cluster b pds actually isn't always a bad thing. I will happily take unfamiliar over some of the so called specialists in that area who believe in "narc abuse" and the like. I generally recommend people who think/know they have ASPD to seek out therapists in the range of trauma specialists over cluster b specialists for that reason.

Ugh, I can't stand the "I don't like labels/diagnoses" therapists enough already when they're referring to new ones while in their care, but to say that to someone who is telling you about a dx they already have is a new low.

Not the Freud! Not the "present conscious"! Gross gross all around imo. If that works for some of you that is awesome but I can't stomach that kind of therapist just for me personally.

Reconstruction of repressed memories is tricky because if they don't handle that right it is a very sensitive moment for them to fuck up/say something shitty, so I personally prefer to let those bubble up naturally, but because I have DID (oh ya, that official dx happened btw) they are more likely to bubble up for me than for a singlet. It makes sense to me that singlets would want a therapist for that.

OH DEAR FUCK I DID NOT THINK IT COULD GET WORSE. Ok so unpacking that - pwASPD absolutely experience shame, which is extremely common in traumatized people of any variety. In fact, shame is a very common symptom of PTSD. Remorse and shame are not only not the same, but they are so far removed from each other than even most ableist prosocials know and admit that those two are not even in the same family.

The "you appear to be a nice lady" is the icing on the "Get the fuck rid of this therapist if you can" cake for me, because it reeks of ableism and sexism at the same time. AFABs often have their symptoms of ASPD ignored entirely or intentionally mis-attributed to autism or BPD because they just cannot fathom an AFAB not thinking like a lady. ASPD is demonized and AFABs are infantilized and their tiny prosocial brains blow up because those two cannot co-exist.

I, to be quite honest, would chuck her in the unfixable pile. I wish I could give you advice on this, but there is just too much ableism, sexism, and ignorance in how she reacted in just this single interaction you described for me to think she's salvagable. When it's one little thing you can sometimes teach them/get them to learn with you - even though that is literally the opposite of what therapy is supposed to be - and get something good out of it, but with all of this I think it presents a much larger risk to you to try.

If you can't switch any time soon, I would try and stick to discussing non-cluster b issues as much as possible.

I can not and do not give professional advice because I am not a professional and in good conscience, I can't advise leaving one therapist without a direct plan on how and when to get another one ASAP. But I will say that specifically in relation to cluster b disorders, this therapist sounds like she will be more damaging than anything for that. That doesn't mean that she can't help with other conditions or stressors you're experiencing in the meantime, though!

Plain text below the cut:

Thank you, I do my best!

TW, all caps text in the response (not aggressive, in a surprised/reaction way)

I'm just... gonna liveblog my response to this bc I have so many feelings on this therapist already and I have barely read 1/4 of the ask yet.

Not the Freud! Not the "present conscious"! Gross gross all around imo. If that works for some of you that is awesome but I can't stomach that kind of therapist just for me personally.

If you can't switch any time soon, I would try and stick to discussing non-cluster b issues as much as possible.

#aspd-culture-is #aspd culture is #aspd culture #tw ableist #tw ableist therapist #tw ableism #cw ableist therapist #cw therapy #actually aspd #aspd #aspd awareness #actually antisocial #antisocial personality disorder #aspd traits #anons welcome

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timelessbibliophile · 10 months

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I wish I could fully escape the alphabet show on Twitter but that’s hard when I have moots still talking about it. Currently on Twitter and this post says “say something BAD about this show (hsmtmts) and the fact that so many ppl are saying Gicky stans just give me a sense of joy. Like I’m glad I’m not the only one who sees how toxic they are as human beings. One person joined and then left a week later because of how terrible they are. I looked through all the quotes and of course I saw people hating Portwell but there wasn’t many people saying the stans SPECIFICALLY which is good cause that screams that Portwell’s weren’t too much of a problem. Some of the people saying Gicky stans weren’t even full fan accounts, they just stated their opinion on Gicky one time and all hell broke loose for them as they got attacked by all the toxic fan pages. Feels great not having to deal with them anymore although my timeline is about to be hell when it releases. Hopefully after a month or two it’ll die down and I’ll never have to see this show again

I won't say every single one of them is, because I know I wouldn't want it if they generalized about pws, and because i also know a couple rinas with whom i can have an actual conversation with (love you if you see this lol), but my experience with 90% of the rina fandom has been negative. They either call me racist or mysoginistic or stupid or any other name for not stanning Gina to the end.

I know the pw fandom (at least on tumblr) has died down for 2 reasons. 1, obviously pw is no longer together and many people were disappointed, but also 2, because the rinas bullied them out of here. It's not cool to bully people when you don't agree with them, or call them names for not liking your fav (which is valid w/o a reason, but it's also valid WITH a reason, which i know every pw who dislikes Gina and/or Ricky HAS a reason. And btw, most pw stans are also Gina stans, idk where y'all get the idea that we don't like Gina).

I always say this when I answer these types of asks but i'll say it again:

BULLYING ISN'T OKAY NEITHER FOR RINAS OR PORTWELLS.

I'm so sick and tired of this fandom being so divided that we even drive new people away with our stupid ship wars and online fights. It's honestly embarrassing for all of us who are still active in this fandom, and I include myself because I know sometimes I contribute to the ship wars that drive people away, although I really try not to.

I try to be a positive person, even when i'm critiquing the show for things they could've done better/things i think kinda sucked, i try to stay in my lane and not shame anyone who DOES like the things I dislike about it. I must admit, though, it's very, very hard to be positive when i'm constantly being sent anonymous hate. I know a couple more accounts who just stopped posting or closed their asks because it was getting ridiculous how much bs they had to deal with. Which again, I find embarrassing.

I wish we could all just enjoy this show without tearing each other apart. I wish we could be one of those fandoms that's known on the internet for just being super chill (The Lunar Chronicles fandom, The Dragon Prince fandom, the Renegades fandom, etc).

Most of us go online because we want to be a part of a community that loves and enjoys the same things we do, so why can't we just be that? Love and respect each other despite having very different thoughts and ships and fav characters.

#hsmtmts #this ask was talking about rina stans because they're loudest one atm #but ALL of us got work to do man #everyone is tired of everyone and we gotta change that #maybe after s4 is out we'll all just bond out of nostalgia and we'll finally be a positive fandom lol

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llatimeria · 7 months

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I guess what it all comes down to is what you believe "trying very hard" actually means. For me it means at least partially completing and actually submitting assignments, even if I do them very badly, that is the bare minimum amount of effort to make me feel justified saying, "well, at least I tried!"

The thing is, though, sometimes I feel like I'm trying very hard, like I'm trying so hard I'm making myself sick, but in reality, I'm doing fuckall. I don't want to do the assignment, I'm refusing to even think about the assignment, I have no plans or strategies to submit even the most barebones version of the assignment, sometimes I'm not even sure what the assignment even is or when it's due. By all accounts, to a reasonable person, I am not trying at all. I KNOW I'm not trying, not even a LITTLE bit, but the subconscious anxiety and pressure (punctuated by more conscious bouts of intense shame and self-hatred) takes so much out of me that I feel just as exhausted as if I'd worked on the assignment day in and day out for a week. Is that trying? Does feeling fear and rage so strongly that my body begins to unravel count as a "try", even if I didn't actually do... Anything?

After all, if you decide you're going to try a new food, order it from the restaurant, and then pick out all of the new ingredient from your meal and leave it there without taking home the leftovers because you got too nervous to actually try it***, you still haven't "tried" the food. You don't know what it tastes like or what the texture actually is. None of it has been broken down by your guts and integrated into your body. You don't if you like it, or hate it, or if you're allergic to it. You haven't learned anything new from the experience. You tried, but you didn't "try it", y'know? Is that even worthy of a participation trophy? Or even an "E" for "Effort"? Not... Not really, right?

***(This isn't shaming food anxiety/picky eating btw. completely unironically, I almost did exactly this scenario like two days ago and only went through with trying a very small bite because I was lovingly called on it)

Personally I'd only give myself the gold star "you tried" sticker if the food actually went into my mouth, even if I immediately spat it back out. I guess in my personal metaphor, tasting a small particle of the food is equivalent to writing one sentence or answering one question on the assignment, clearing the plate would equal above-and-beyond effort worthy of extra credit, and eating a normal amount would be getting an average grade, and instead of the consumption of new food, it's the consumption of new knowledge. If I don't eat any of the food (the assignment), I learned nothing new, and therefore should not get credit for "trying" it, even if I thought really hard about it and maybe even read the wikipedia article on the food in question and could maybe even describe what it supposedly tastes like to someone else.

But on a more self-invested level, the gargantuan effort it takes for me to just exist when I feel like I'm strapped into an academic guillotine feels like it should count for SOMETHING. Even though I'm not actually "strapped in", I'm the one holding the rope keeping the blade from decapitating me, I can get out of the guillotine at any time just by doing even a little bit of a frustrating homework assignment, and the only reason I haven't done that yet is because being in a fucking guillotine makes it a smidge difficult to focus on the intricacies of meiosis since you think you will no longer have a head in a few, precious, endless, seconds if you take your hand off the rope to write - that still feels like it's worthy of, like, pity points at the end of the quarter, at least.

On one hand, I probably shouldn't get rewarded for enduring a problem that I simply could have chosen not to cause. I could always just Not Enter The Guillotine.

On the other hand... I don't really think the guillotine is a choice for me. I always end up in the guillotine, even when I'm consciously aware of and am attempting to avoid the guillotine. The only person putting me in there is me, but I don't seem to know how to not put myself in a guillotine the moment I see one, which is a silly thing not to know, but that doesn't mean I secretly do know how to not put myself in a guillotine and I'm just keeping it from myself because I DESERVE the guillotine this time FOR REAL. No matter how simple the information is, I still don't know how to avoid the guillotine, and I still need to take the time to learn how.

Something, at some point, taught me how to get into a guillotine, but never told me I didn't have to, and never told me how to get out. Maybe it innocently felt that was obvious, or maybe it wanted me to decapitate myself, but that doesn't actually matter when the result is the same: I still need to learn how to get out of the guillotine.

#brainposting

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7-wonders · 2 years

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based on what you said about michael being with other people.. how do you think he would’ve been? like would he immediately want them out of his sight afterwards? would he do it with one person more than once? would he possibly kill them afterwards? would it be passionate or just something quick? would he care about them or was it just sex to him?

and also what do you think would make him consider a person one of his “favorites” like you also mentioned? (or just to be enough to have a intimate moment with them) would it be just attraction or good behavior from that person or something more than that? (such as feelings involved)

btw sorry i asked so many questions 😭 i’m not expecting you to answer all of that.. i just wanted to be specific so you have an idea on what i meant.

"i’m not expecting you to answer all of that"—Imma stop you right there, I'm gonna answer all of it and I'll do so because I literally love getting asks and especially those about Mad Love

I don't see Mad Love Michael like, say, the Michael that I write about in Designed By the Divinity. Our Michael is so passionate about everything in life; there's a reason why Satan says to you that it's a shame that Michael got his mother's heart and human nature. That's not to say that he falls in love with every person that he has sex with. However, I do think he has to have some sort of a connection with them, or at the very least enjoy their presence.

He wouldn't kick them out of his bed immediately after having sex, because much to everyone's chagrin he's really not as cruel as he tries to be. But he doesn't let them sleep in his bed overnight. He's such a hopeless romantic that he doesn't really enjoy cuddling because he knows that these people are not going to be any sort of romantic interest to him. Likewise, he wouldn't kill them unless they were trying to take advantage of his status.

He tries to keep sex with these people strictly as a business deal, something for both of them to gain pleasure from and nothing more. He can't help himself from being a little caring, and we know that he isn't serious during sex or anything like that. However, Michael always makes sure his bedmate comes. That's a non-negotiable to him.

Attraction is definitely a big part of what would make someone a 'favorite,' and that extends to compatibility. What really earns someone a position as one of Michael's favorites is when they're not blind devotees. Those are the ones that he typically sends away as soon as they both catch their breath, because they only care about how he's the Antichrist. Those that aren't afraid to trade barbs with him or don't see him strictly as the Antichrist quickly receive the designation of a favorite.

#mad love musings #chat with claire #michael langdon

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vicsdeangelis · 2 years

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time for my opinions!

okay, the basics first: i liked it. thank fucking god, i really enjoyed it lmao

i really liked how the song explores damiano's vocal range, tho i think they could have pushed his higher notes even more in some parts. overall i thought he sounded great.

i didn't really like the guitar solo at first, the little peaks were kinda jarring, but it's growing on me

the bass and the drums didn't stand out for me, which is a shame

i'm gonna deem this a damiano song (i have in my head a list of like, who ATE in each song kdnsksjjjx and this one is damiano's for sure imo)

now, let me get crazy for a minute

when i first listened to it i had this feeling of like, i've felt these vibes before, but i couldn't put my finger on it. my brain was like rina sawayama rina sawayama rina sawayama. and so i went and listened to some of the songs in hold the girl, with the loneliest in between each of them, to see if it felt like any of them. and it did, i felt a bit of it in phantom and hurricanes, but ESPECIALLY minor feelings. i screamed when i listened to the loneliest right after minor feelings, like, YEAH I GOT IT ksnskks but there's also something else about the loneliest that reminds me of another song but i don't know which song it is and the wondering my kill me actually

so then i watched the lyric video so i could actually get the full experience, and i was joking that the promos for ethan and thomas were giving me blue helena, but the lyrics sent me straight to cancer by my chemical romance because of the theme of death in a kinda specific way? i'm not making sense, but moving on

so i listened to cancer and read the lyrics for the loneliest again and this is when i went off the ledge cuz some of the lyrics in the loneliest feel like a conversation with cancer. like, if you take out the part in the loneliest where damiano specifically sings about him (the messanger of that song) being the one dying, it's almost like, ambiguous? stay with me, please. like it's talking about loss from an ambiguous point of view if you take out that line, like the messanger could be the one dying, or could be the one watching a loved one die. and that's where the conversation with cancer comes in, because that one is explicitly about the messanger dying. and btw i'm saying "messanger" because neither damiano nor gerard are talking about themselves, i believe. gerard definitely isn't, at least. ANYWAY

lyrics like "you'll be the saddest part of me / a part that will never be mine" feel like a response to "i will not kiss you / 'cause the hardest part of this is leaving you". and like, the song feels like an answer to someone dying, the feelings of the person who stayed, while cancer is the feelings of the person who is about to pass on

anyway this is what i feel like:

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grabowskibeepboop · 21 days

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Hi! 😅 What is your least favorite stereotype or generalization about Killugon/Leopika that you see often in the Hunter x Hunter fandom? It doesn’t have to be the most common ones, you can say some that you just personally don’t agree with!

Thank you for the ask, it means a lot

Well I don't usually see a lot of stereotypes I don't like, but I do usually go on about how seeing people draw gon kinda buff "gives me ptsd" (not saying I have ptsd but after watching s5 I just might have), and I get that they like working out, but that alone is a little disturbing for 13 year olds, remember when everyone freaked out at Killuas' abs? I just think Gon would go the extra mile to look as different from that image when he grows up, both for himself and for Killua

And goddamnit why do people make him so tall? Ging is a little fucking gremlin, he's shorter than me, an average height 18 year old woman, and I'm still growing, he's not, and Gon is his son and his son only which is heavily hinted at by the fact that there is such a thing as "pregnancy stones" in Ging's game that he PLAYTESTED

Anyways, I can't think of any stereotypes for leopika, my personal headcanon that I don't know how much of it is in the manga because I haven't read it, is that they get married and Kurapika goes on to become a nen teacher while Leorio is off doing doctor shit. I also want Kurapika to get a motorbike, Idunno why, think he'd look cool

Back to killugon, the thing that also bothers me about the anime is that they clearly aged a couple times throughout the anime but they never celebrated any birthdays. I wouldn've loved to see it, especially Killua's because it's on some love holiday I don't know enough about

I'm really going off on a rail here or how do they say it, i'm not talking about stereotypes or headcanons or things, I'm just complaining about the anime, because why was Palm's grooming portrayed so silly and okay? I hope I really hope that when Gon said he went on dates with women and had them teach him things just meant that he showed them around the island and then they actually taught him something like teachers do. I'm so weirded out by the portrayal or grooming and pedophilia in the anime, because Togashi seems like a great guy, but then where did the message go? There should've been a message that hey don't do that. I think there's already a problem amongst young boys that they want to mature early, which btw if you mature early isn't a shame but you shouldn't rush it, but little boys want to mature early and would rather be with a way older woman than someone their own age, and we don't need to feed into that in media. I don't know how common that it but it's definitely a thing.

Anyways, let's talk positive here too, I love it when people play with language barriers and make Kurapika speak Kurta, and I think that people speaking various languages wasn't portrayed enough in the anime, again, I don't know about the manga, but I love to see language barriers in fanfiction, I recently popped back into reading by reading some renga fanfics and I love the portrayal of the japanese-english language barrier

Anyways, sorry I couldn't answer your ask straight up, but if you'd like to you could say your least favourite stereotypes

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stonebutchwritings · 1 month

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genuine question. in your DNI, what do you define as "CNC beyond mildly dubious consent"? I'm not very good at inferring what people mean, but I want to respect your boundaries and figured asking for clarification would be best

a bit of a long answer so if ur not interested go ahead and skip! will discuss a few things i have tagged for warnings.

anything more than undernegotiation (for instance, imagining two people having sex and one pinning the other down and covering their mouth but you have a safe word set up and even in the scene you acknowledge that the person is enjoying it and not imagining that they do not want it) or reluctance relating to social factors instead of internal feelings (for instance, a lesbian with internalized homophobia saying that she shouldn't have sex with you because it would be wrong and nice girls don't do stuff like that etc etc. but knowing that she is not saying no and you are coaxing her own feelings out in the scene's play, not pretending to coerce her into something she said she did not want) would be akin to r4/p/ep/1ay for me and i am very against that and think it's very harmful.

if you are in a control situation like intox or overpowering or bondage i personally would require there to be, even within the scene's play, the pretense of a prior negotiation that it was something they were okay with and i would want there to be a continual consent throughout (as in, for intox, the person isn't shoving you off and saying no).

i also am against pretty much any version of fetishizing a person's explicit non-consent (aka "no," "don't do that," "stop that," "i don't want that," etc) because i find that to be incredibly harmful to both people within the relationship and think that it deepens wounds rather than healing them. there's also the issue of fetishizing a situation like r%pe that is inherently traumatic (which is the way i would describe the linked emotional-sexual trauma of r#p3 as separate from what can be a positive and not inherently traumatic experience of consensual pain even outside of sex. even making someone cry can be something not inherently traumatic. even chasing someone and hunting them down or "st4lking" can be separate from trauma, with the attachment of consent as an inclusion WITHIN the scene's play and not just a knowledge outside of it. however when you are playing with non-consent, you can't really bring consent into the scene because it is completely contradictory to the idea of non-consent, so you would have to destroy the non-consent scene to bring consent within it, therefore still not engaging in the proper "CN/C").

so sorry for answering this ask so late btw! i will probably add a link to this in the bio. also i want to include i'm not a cop when it comes to anything and i believe this is, when not encouraged within the community, largely an interpersonal harm that is to be dealt with either interpersonally within the relationship or indirectly by bringing people into communities that value and eroticize radical consent while also providing safety, love, and a haven that eradicates r4/pe culture and the weights it places upon us. i'm not encouraging anyone to be shamed (although i don't police the reactions of those whose psychosexual trauma is being eroticized either) as an effective or restorative mode of action or change.

i also know this is a lot of ideas and "rules" around sex but i am very conscious and thoughtful of my behavior in every aspect of my life (or at least try to be), and don't exceptionalize sex in that regard as if it is separate and unique and allows for me to participate in whatever i like as long as i am feeling good about it personally or within my own relationships.

#i hope that answered your question! so sorry this is literally from november lol i was busy doing palestine work #ask #answered #cw rape mention #cw intox mention #let me know if you are someone who is uncomfortable with even dubious consent or reluctance though and i can definitely tag it!#mine

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hoodieofholland · 3 years

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hey love. I’m obsessed with mob!tom - could you write something where mob Tom and the reader have a really big fight and Tom says something that was really mean and reader storms out and doesn’t come back until late and night and Tom is super worried :) at the beginning angst and at the end fluff.

I actually asked other writers too to write this a while ago but nobody does it and I found your account now and I’m so in love with your writing you are super talented <3

Sorry if my English is not really good- it’s not my first language

A/n: dear anon, you were reading my mind! I was actually procrastinating with a draft of some angst with mob!tom for a while, and you just motivated me to write it again hahah im obsessed with mob!tom too btw, no shame on this lol. Thanks for requesting, hope you like it!

Masterlist Request/tell me your thoughts on this

Warnings bellow the cut!

Warnings: angst, language, mention of gun.

You throw your purse over the table as you storm inside the house, walking up to your room with a stern face, straightened back and confident steps, without saying a word. Tom watched you from behind, sighing as he knew what was about to come - you were pissed.

He followed you slowly, not wanting to hurry the fight that was about to come. He knew pretty well what he has done tonight, but wasn’t planning on apologize, as he was also sure he wasn’t wrong about it.

By the time he reached the main room, you were already in the closet, taking off your jewels and putting them inside their boxes. “Baby”, he called you, but you didn’t raise your head.

Your gesturing was obviously stating your humor - or the lack of it. You wasn’t being so careful with the expensive belongings, as you always made sure to be.

“Baby”, Tom tried again, sighing this time, “Can you at least tell me what the hell did I do?”

That was the breakpoint. You lifted your head to look at him sternly. “Seriously? You gonna really act like you don’t know?”

He snorts, running a hand through his brown curls. “I mean, I know. I just don’t get why you’re so upset about it”

You laugh humorless. “I’m upset ‘cause you fucking treated me like a doll, Tom. That’s why I’m upset about it!”

“What?”, he snapped, narrowing his eyes. “What the fuck, I just told that asshole of a waiter to get his shit together instead of eye-fucking you. For God’s sake, what’s wrong with that?”

"Well, maybe the fact that you made a scene in front of the manager because you were jealous?" You shout, shaking your hands. "Should I tell you the obvious fact that this man is probably fired now because of your speech?".

Tom was growing mad. He couldn't believe you were defending the guy who was flirting with you the whole dinner.

Turns out that what was supposed to be a calm and relaxing dinner quickly became something distasteful, as Tom took notice of the waiter that was serving your table that night looking at you with a dumb smile on his face the entire time. He could even see the guy talking to some other workers about you, staring at you like you were some kind of meal. So Tom did what he thought was right - he made it very clear that you were his girl and a employee shouldn't be looking at you like that.

"I don't give a single fuck if he's unemployed right now. He should take this as a lesson to not disrespect you or any other woman in his workplace", Tom said, undoing his tie and throwing it in anywhere in the wardrobe. He was tired and pissed with the whole situation - and, more important, with you, for making a big deal out of it.

"Disrespect me, or disrespect you, Tom?", you snap, eyes wide with anger. "Cause it didn't look like you were worried about me. Cause all I wanted was a peaceful dinner with my boyfriend, who actually never seems to be available to me, and you made it pretty hard for me to enjoy, just because you were mad for a guy possibly be flirting with your girl! Like I fucking belonged to you!"

"Oh, fuck off, y/n", he hissed, walking past the closet's door and going straight to the bathroom. "It's obvious I'd be pissed for the it too. You're my girl, and I don't think it's nice if other man look at you like that! Don't act like you've never done it too".

You followed him, yelling next. "Shit, you're unbelievable! What is it? Nobody can look at Tom Holland's girl? Because you're the great motherfucker mobster and I'm your fucking prize?"

Tom turned his body to glance at you again. He pointed a finger at you, eyes serious and penetrating. "I've never said it. That's not how I see this".

"Oh, really? So you care to explain me why do you keep doing that? We barely spend time together now, Tom, and when we finally get to have a nice night out, you make sure to state that I'm yours and that no other man can lay an eye on me", you sniff, unable to keep the cracked voice from coming out and show how upset you felt about it. "I don't like to feel that I'm waiting for you like a goddamn doll, Tom".

"Well, darling, I'm sorry if I'm not being enough, but that's how real world works", his voice is cold and he is avoiding looking into your eyes, his jaw clenched in a way that make it clear that he's not satisfied with the conversation's rumor. "I made it pretty clear when we first met that my job doesn't allow me to be here the entire time, so what the fuck do you expect me to do? Or do you think that this nice house and the maids, and all the fucking jewels I give you come for free? Tell me, y/n, what the hell you want from me?"

You watch his usually soft features whenever you were around turning into the one he used with his men. The veins in his neck visible, his pupils huge and thin lips trembling with anger. Tom has never spoken to you that way, and you could feel the pressure on your chest with the pain from his harsh words.

A couple of tears rolled down your cheeks and you were quick to rub them away with the back of your hand. Noticing the way you pressed your lips together lightly, Tom's face softened and he realized his posture and tone.

"I don't- I don't know, Tom", you say in a low, croaky voice. "Think I just wanted us to be a couple. I'm truly sorry if that's too much to ask you for".

His heart pained at your words and he took a few steps in your direction. "Darling, no, that's not what I-"

You stopped him, putting your arm in front of you and shaking your head. "No, that's exactly what you wanted to say. I don't know what I had in mind when we started dating, nor what I was thinking when I agreed to move in here, but I don't want to be between you and your job anymore".

He stared at you, unaware of what you were about to do, thinking about what to say. He didn't want to fight with you like that, but didn't want you to think that what you've said is true neither.

You walked past him and straight to the closet again, picking up your suitcase and grabbing a few clothes from the wardrobe. Tom watched you for a few seconds, startled, and then started to panic.

"What are you doing?"

You ignored him, trying to think what you'd possibly need to get to stay out tonight. You could get the rest of your things later, but right now you just wanted to get out of that house.

"Y/n, love, what are you doing?" He asked in desperation, reaching your arm and trying to pull you away from the wardrobe, but you just shrugged his touch off.

"What does it look like? I'm leaving, Tom! If you can't conciliate our relationship with your job, then I guess I have nothing to do here anymore". You say through gritted teeth.

"What?!" He breathed out. "Darling, you can't leave like-"

"Don't you fucking call me darling!"

Tom stops and stares at you, blinking. His mouth is agape, trying to get his thoughts together. You didn't stop packing, and when he saw the determination in your actions, he simply couldn't contain the anger growing on his chest.

"Know what? Go. Leave me! Get the fuck out of this house. I don't fucking care!" He yelled, and you jumped slightly at the sound of his guttural voice.

You wiped some of new tears and nodded once, not minding to get anything else as you closed your suitcase and walked out of the room, hands shaking from the emotions you were so hardly trying to refrain.

But before you could step out of the room and go down on the stairs, you turn around to see he stagnant at the same spot. "Fuck you, Tom. You can take all this damn jewelry. Take this, the clothes, and everything else you bought me. If I can't have you, these don't mean a single thing to me. I'm not a fucking doll, Tom".

You left, and he couldn't move for minutes straight.

*********

The night passed by and Tom didn't hear from you. He checked his phone more times than he liked to admit, but you didn't answer any calls, any messages. Nothing. He didn't even realize what time he fell asleep on the couch, waiting for some sort of sign from you, but in the morning, when he rolled out of it, his heart pounded in his chest at the realization that you were nowhere to be seen.

He asked Harrison, his best mate and the second person you most chatted with in the house, if he has seen you, but he didn't have anything. So Tom waited, trying to focus on his work for the morning and the evening, as he thought that maybe you just wanted some time to think clearer. He regretted saying those things to you already, knowing that none of that was true. Obviously he did care if you were there in the morning. He wanted to wake up with you by his side like every other day. It was all that mattered for him after all. Not the money, not the jewel, not the house. It all didn't make sense when you weren't there.

And he felt so sick thinking that you truly believed he was seeing you as a prize, as a doll that would stand beautifully waiting for him at the end of the day. He knew he should have persisted and said that you weren't right, that he loved you so much that he could take a bullet for you, right on his chest. He'd do anything for you, but didn't seem to know how to put that in words when it comes to a fight.

"Fuck!" He shouted when alone in his office, hands collapsing on the desk. It was past seven at night and he hadn't heard from you. A whole fucking day. He asked Harrison to send the men to look for you. He wouldn't force you coming back home, but he needed to be sure you were alright.

All the bad thoughts he could have were now successfully running through his mind and driving him nuts. He thought that maybe some rival mobster could have laid eyes on you, all by yourself, and tried to do something. You could be in serious danger right now, and Tom wouldn't forgive himself if that was the case.

He took a drink. He needed to clear his mind as time was passing by and his men didn't have any information about you. Your phone would be filled with unanswered calls from him, even voicemail telling you he was sorry and would do anything if you only called him back to say you were doing fine.

"Please, love, if you're listening to it... fuck, I'm so fucking sorry. I never intended to hurt you. I'm a dumbass, and you don't have to forgive me, but, please, just let me know you're fine and I'll give you your time. Just- please. I need to hear from you, y/n", he recorded, a drink on his hand and the other holding his phone firmly.

When it was 9pm, he decided he was going out to look for you himself. He just couldn't sit there waiting for a call or for his men do to something - he needed to take that pressure of his chest and no one was helping.

He took his gun, called Harrison and a few more man before heading to the living room.

"Alright, we have a few more places left" Tom started his instructions, while shoving his gun at the back of his trousers. "Harrison and I are going to her family's house. You two check in her old friend's place. Doesn't matter how far it is, I don't want you two to come back until you've looked through that fucking town-"

"Tom", Harrison cut him off, coughing a bit to get his attention. He was about to snap at him, when he followed his gaze.

And there you were, standing at the door frame in the living room, a confused expression on your face as you tried to understand what was going on in the middle of the room. Usually, Tom never had meetings in any other area than the conference room.

"What's going on?", you asked bluntly, and Tom releases a deep and relieved breath, so audible that you couldn't not take notice of.

"God, you're here", he breathed out, walking towards you in large steps. You were still mad, but also so confused with his reaction that you couldn't stop him from holding you tightly in his arms. "Fuck, darling, where were you?".

Besides his words being a bit harsh, his voice was soft and caring, worried if anything. He didn't let go of you first, kissing the top of your head for a long minute.

Harrison smiled a little seeing the both of you and dismissed the men out of the room, leaving the two of you alone.

"Sorry, you don't need to explain", Tom shook his head and pulled away to look at you. His eyes were bloodshot and tired, a dark circle around it. He brushed your cheeks with the pad of his thumb and furrowed. "Are you okay, though?"

"Yeah, I am- but what was going on?", you insisted.

Tom cupped your face on his hands, still not believing that you were there again. "I was so fucking worried. I thought that something was off, you didn't answer any of my messages or calls... I was heading to a drive with my men to look for you".

You blink a few times, startled that Tom was so concerned all this time.

"I was in a hotel room, actually", you chew in your lower lip, kind of ashamed that you put him through such a concern. "Needed to be alone for a time, so I turned my phone off".

Tom pressed his forehead against yours. "It doesn't matter anymore, darling. It was all my fault", his voice was croaky and you felt your heart pounding inside your chest. "I should never have said those things to you-"

"It's alright, Tom-"

"No, it's not", he shook his head. "Cause it was all lies. I do fucking care if you leave me. I wouldn't stand being away from you, my love. You're everything, everything. And you're right, I don't spend much time with you, and it eats me alive, cause that's what makes me happy, being around you. All I ever wanted was to make you happy, sweetheart. I'm so fucking sorry if I haven't shown you how much you mean to me..."

"Shhh, Tom", you closed your eyes, hugging him by the neck and bringing him closer. "It's okay, I know it. I wasn't thinking straight too, I know you don't treat me like that. I was just too pissed, and yeah, I'd like to spend more time together, but it's alright that you don't-"

He cut you by a sweet kiss pressed on your lips, "Nothing is more important for me than you. I was too mad with that thing in the restaurant to say it right away, but I'll try harder. I'm gonna be here with you, no matter what. Work can wait".

You sigh and pull him closer, breathing his comforting scent.

"My lovely girl", Tom sighs and smile a bit. "You scared the hell out of me".

"You deserved it, idiot" you said and he laughed quietly.

"I love you, darling", he stroked your back, hiding his face in the crock of your neck. "Always".

"Love you too, Tommy".

You spent the rest of the night together, having a nice and cozy dinner at home. Tom never smiled wider than that night, and the following others were fulfilled with his promise - there was always time in your day to spend alone with your boyfriend.

*******

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