#Roman x Janus | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

romansleftshoulderpad · 2 years

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Welcome to the Life of Electra Heart

Track Three: Lies

Ship: ???

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

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---

The funny thing about memories is that they aren’t really you. Sometimes, your memories make you better. Often, they make you worse. Sometimes, they disappear. They get repressed into the deepest depths of your skull. And you don’t know who you were or who you hurt.

It all ceases to exist.

You’re never gonna love me. So that’s the use?

Only one more year and then Roman would have his Associates. Though, it didn’t feel like much of a feat to him. It just felt like something he had to do. He wasn’t even convinced he was doing a good job.

But Emile wanted to celebrate. He sorted through the pile of t-shirts: all white with Western State College’s logo printed on the front. He passed them throughout the group, trying to match everyone to the correct size shirt. Though Emile usually brimmed with color, he wore a black shirt that had been stained with bleach to show an illustration of some cartoon character’s face. Roman honestly couldn’t tell if it was a badly done boy or a very badly done cat. Above all, he just didn’t know where they were getting all this bleach.

“So, what are you going to do with yours, Re?” Virgil asked.

“Brown,” Remus answered very quickly.

Roman raised an eyebrow. “Just... brown?”

“I don’t even have brown dye,” Emile said.

“Don’t you guys even know color theory?” Remus asked with a disappointed sigh.

“Wrong color,” Remy piped in.

“Amalgamation,” Remus said. “Blending.”

Everyone looked at him with knitted brows.

He bunched the shirt into his hands and held it high in the air. “I’m going to Frankenstein this bitch!” he screeched.

“Ah,” they all said in unison.

“Why isn’t Janus here?” Patton asked.

Roman ignored the sting in his chest. Don’t think about last night. Don’t think about last night. Don’t think-

“Because he sucks?” Virgil asked. “No offense, Roman.”

Patton rolled his eyes. “He’s really not that bad. I’m sure he’s just waiting for you to apologize for whatever it was you did to offend him.”

Virgil glared at Patton. “And what makes you think I did something wrong?”

“Enough,” Remy said. “Be nice, boys.”

“Roman, why aren’t you sticking up for Janus?” Patton asked. Roman was sure that being stabbed would have been a much nicer alternative. His head was dizzy. “I- I don’t- I- um-”

“Leave him out of this,” Remy said calmly. “Roman didn’t invite Janus because Virgil and I didn’t feel comfortable with him here.”

He frowned. “You guys could give him a chance.”

“Enough, Patton,” Roman said sharply. “Leave it alone.”

Patton sighed and began absentmindedly playing with a pile of rubber bands. Roman wished the tension could slide off his skin, but it had sharp claws that dug into his back and threatened to hold tight for the rest of the day.

Emile clapped his hands together and said, “Alright, well. If we order now, we can start tie-dying and have pizza by the time we’re all done.”

“That’s a great idea, Em,” Remy said gently.

Emile smiled and awkwardly pulled his phone out of his pocket. “To the backyard!” he announced proudly.

Everyone cheered- though the claws of Tension dug deeper and deeper. Roman pushed those feelings down- though much like an overstuffed laundry basket, he didn’t have room to push down anymore. He knew his feelings would soon overflow until he was strained and broken. But he pushed those thoughts down too. No use ruining a sunny day over them.

He grabbed his t-shirt and a bag of rubber bands and worked the fabric into a taut spiral. He lined up bottles of dye in rainbow order and counted out the sections he’d divided.

“Oh, you basic fucking bitch,” Remus said over his shoulder.

Roman glared at him and said, “Quit it.”

“Roman if each of those-“ He counted on his fingers. “six sections are each a monotonous color, I’m taking your title of Most Creative Sibling.”

“This is creative,” Roman argued, though he was less sure after he said it. “Not everything has to be messy to be good.”

“Well in my humble opinion-“

“Remus, lay off him, ‘eh?” Virgil interrupted. “I’m sure it’s going to look great, Roman. Your brother is just a dick.”

“Funny. I thought you liked my dick last night,” Remus teased.

Virgil rolled his eyes. “As if you would ever cheat on your crusty anime body pillows.”

“Cheat?!” Remus gave a dramatic gasp. He then winked and said, “Threesomes aren’t cheating.”

“Girlies, I will throw up back here,” Remy said.

“Please don’t,” Emile begged. “It’s bad for the lawn and we have a very fragile ecosystem back here.”

Patton pipped up, “How fragile is your lawn? How vile do you think his bile is?”

Emile sighed. “You don’t know what he puts in his stomach.”

Remy defended himself, “I will pour Mountain Dew on all your freshly cleaned laundry.”

“Please, not again.”

Roman rolled his eyes and shook a capped bottle of dye. He felt a buzz in his pocket and pulled out his phone to a single, terrible text. We need to talk. And all at once, the laughter and bickering of his friends went completely silent as his ears were drowned under the sound of his blood rushing ice cold and his heart pounding against the prison bars of bone that kept it from exploding.

Suddenly, Roman didn’t see much point in tie-dying.

What’s the point in playin’ a game you’re gonna lose?

Roman felt bad ditching Remus. He felt worse for making Patton drive his brother home. But most terrible of all was the feeling he had for himself. He took a deep breath as he put his car in park. This is what you wanted, he reminded himself. Ever since that night, he needed to talk to Janus. He just hoped he’d have some time to himself first.

He took a breath. He took his key out of the ignition, unbuckled his seatbelt, and just tried to breathe through every little movement. RSD was a bitch, but that was no excuse to be so pathetic about one coffee shop conversation. Just breathe slow, he reminded himself. In and out. Just breathe slowly. One, two, out, two. In, one, out, two...

He pushed open the door to the coffee shop. The ring of the bell announcing his entry might as well have been the bell tolling at his execution. It wasn’t hard to spot Janus, his hair tucked under a black beanie despite the summer heat. His black tank top showed his snake tattoo in full glory. Roman made his way over, ignoring the way each step added another weight to his ankles. You’re both adults. You can both talk and get over it. You can work this through.

Janus looked up and met Roman’s eyes.

Roman wanted to run into the bathroom and vomit.

“Roman,” Janus said coldly. “We need to talk.”

“Yes, we do,” Roman said, holding himself as well as he could. You’re pathetic. Last night’s argument echoed louder than any siren. You’re pathetic. He took a deep breath. We need to talk about the way you’ve been ‘helping’ me.

“Why don’t you get a drink?” A trap.

“I’m fine,” he said coldly. He pulled a chair and sat across from Janus. Though he was still mad, seeing Janus just ahead of him made him feel like a child. He wanted to cry and beg for forgiveness. Crying is pathetic, he told himself. “Janus, about last night,-”

“Let me go first, please?” Janus interrupted.

Roman dug his fingernails into his palm, trying anything not to cry. Or scream. Screaming would probably be worse.

“Roman, you’ve been different lately.” No thanks to your ‘help’. “And you don’t act like you want me anymore.”

“Janus, you never-”

“Don’t interrupt me,” Janus snapped.

Roman pulled his lips tight. His nails dug deeper into his palm.

“You don’t act like you want me anymore. Only like you need me.” Because you don’t let me want you. You tell me I need you. You don’t, you don’t, you don’t- “And honestly this isn’t working for me anymore.”

Roman was sure all the air left his lungs. He was sure his heart stopped and his blood had completely frozen over. Roman was sure he’d died. (He was disappointed when he realized he was entirely and unfortunately alive.)

Once again, Roman was ready to give up everything and beg.

Janus met his eyes and said for clarity, “I’m breaking up with you, Roman.” As if the fucking message wasn’t clear enough.

“Janus, I-”

“Roman, don’t cause a scene,” Janus snapped. And there it was. The true reason he’d invited Roman to a coffee shop to do this. “Please. This doesn’t have to be the end forever. Maybe we can get back together when things are better. We can still have a future together.” He took Roman’s hand, sending a jolt down his spine. Janus’s grip was tight. “We’ll still be friends, okay?”

Roman pulled his hand away. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he silently prayed Thank you because at least he hadn’t been completely abandoned by the forces that be. He grabbed his phone and quickly looked at his text.

Emile P.: Hey, you forgot your shirt here haha. I have it in the wash for you. :)

Roman thought that maybe he could survive the next three hours. If he spent 2 and a half alone in his car. “I gotta go,” he said abruptly. “My mom needs me home.”

“Is everything okay?” Janus asked.

Why do you care? “Just... give me some time, Janus. Okay? I need some time.”

“I’ll be here as soon as you’re ready.”

Roman started for the car. I’m sure you will be.

What’s the point in saying you love me like a friend?

What’s the point in saying it’s never gonna end?

Remus paced the floor. Not only had Roman left a kick-ass party so suddenly (weird), but he also wasn’t even back home (even weirder), and he wasn’t answering a single text (super extra mega ULTRA weird). Remus sent another string of incomprehensible emojis, only to be met for the tenth time with Roman’s “Do Not Disturb While Driving” message. He was getting bored, which was always rude of Roman to allow the superior twin to be bored, but he was also getting worried. And that was worse. Boredom was rude, but can easily be fixed with hot glue, glitter, and eggs. Worry, well, worry isn’t so easily deterred.

---

The worst part of leaving the Picani Party early and refusing to eat or drink anything with Janus meant that Roman was very very hungry. But he wasn’t ready to go home. Maybe if Remus kept his mouth shut, their parents wouldn’t have to know that he even left early. But that plan relied on Remus keeping his mouth shut- a feat which had never been accomplished.

He turned into the lot of a fast-food joint. He just wanted to swing through the Drive-Thru. Maybe if he ate in the parking lot, he’d have time to actually cry. But crying was pathetic. He parked and made his way into the restaurant. Too many words echoed through his head, but the sound of employees yelling orders back and forth at each other was the first step he needed to drown everything out.

His phone buzzed with a text. And then another. He pulled it out of his pocket, reading the two newest messages in a pile that was quickly flooding his lock screen. (Though, the earliest texts proved to already be two hours old. He didn’t realize how much time had passed in his loneliness.)

Patton: r u ok?

Patton: Janus told me what happened.

Roman rolled his eyes. Why does Janus deserve proper spelling? He put his phone back in his pocket and tried not to cry. Of course, when his voice broke halfway through ordering his meal, he felt bad for the cashier who looked absolutely horrified. But he managed to hold it in. Just a bit longer. That’s all he had to do- just get through just a bit longer until he’d successfully lied his way through two years of bullshit. Then he could cry.

Roman took a shaky breath as he pulled his credit card out from his wallet. He paid for his meal, found a little table in the corner, and kept to himself. Then he could cry.

—-

When he got home, his only goal was to get to sleep. The house was mostly dark, except for the white light coming from the television screen. “Did you have a good time?” his mom asked, without so much as a glance his way.

Absolutely not. “Oh, um, the party was good. Virgil was showing me some pictures of his pet lizard.”

“Oh, a lizard is... interesting,” his mom said.

“Yeah, it’s cool.” He could feel the heat of tears threatening him behind his eyes. “It’s been a long day, so, uh. I gotta get ready for bed.”

“Have a good night, sweetie,” his mom said.

“Good night,” his dad echoed.

Roman let out a heavy sigh. “Good night.” He trudged up the stairs into his room and pulled off his clothes. A shower would do him some good. Or at least some privacy. Roman grabbed a towel and loosely wrapped it around himself. He took some pajamas and tucked them under his arm.

He was thankful not to run into anyone on the way to the bathroom. He turned the water on hot and locked the door. As he undressed, his eyes locked on his reflection and he immediately wished they hadn’t.

His neck was still covered in hickeys. “Love bites” some people call them.

To him, they just felt like some sort of calling card.

Roman stepped into the shower desperate to get away from his reflection but the image burned into his mind faster than the water could melt the tension out of his skin. He poured too much shampoo into his hands and tried to rub it all into his hair. And that was when he let the waterworks break loose. And that was when Roman fell apart. Gone was the gentle touch he usually reserved for showering pleasantries, instead he tightened his fists around clumps of hair as he tried to resist screaming. He released his hair and let his hands fall to his side. Diluted shampoo rinsed down the sides of his face and his chest, following the same trails that his fingers- Roman’s fingers were curled into a fist instantaneously and he slammed the side of his fist against the wall, letting out a loud cry as he did so.

Over. And Over. And Over.

Just as Janus had kissed him. Just as Janus had torn him apart. Just as he had ignored Remy and Virgil’s warnings and just as much as he’d hated himself for listening all the same.

He was exhausted before he’d even gotten to wash his face. He held onto the shelf, barely even able to stand and wholly incapable of even thinking. His hand started to hurt. His heart hadn’t stopped.

As soon as he turned off the water, he felt exposed. He quickly grabbed a towel and wrapped himself up without even bothering to properly dry off first. When he stepped out into the hallway, he met eyes with Remus.

Remus opened his mouth to speak.

Roman rushed away before he got the chance.

—-

Octo-Nuts: It’s been three days.

Garbage Rat: He hasn’t said anything?

Black Parade Reject: What the fuck happened?

Octo-Nuts: That’s what I’m trying to figure out, dipshit

Black Parade Reject: Whatever asshole

Black Parade Reject: Good luck.

—-

Remus was going to kill Roman. Or destroy his speaker. But murder seemed like the more practical option. At least he could take the speaker for himself after getting rid of the body.

He paced back and forth, counting the ringing on his phone like his life depended on it. He didn’t know where his mind would go if he had to continue wondering. (Though, he had somewhat of a realistic idea. It was the more creative traumas his mind created that he didn’t want to dwell on.) He instead switched his phone over to his left hand and flipped the light switch to his closet while he waited. A solid thirteen times. The light was on and Emile answered at the 13th flick. Good things will happen , he told himself. It’s okay now.

“Remus, hey,” Emile said. “Is everything okay?”

Remus cleared his throat. Things were decidedly not okay, but Emile already knew that. No use focusing on the obvious. “I would never disrespect the iconic female artists of the current pop music scene. Especially not with Roman present and close enough to kill me.”

“Mhm?”

“But if I hear Olivia Rodrigo or Taylor Swift or- God forbid- Marina and the Diamonds one more fucking time-“

“What’s on now?”

“Some Taylor Swift song. All Too Well or whatever.”

Emile gave a nervous squeak. “How long is it?”

“I don’t know. A fucking hour or something? Longer than any song should ever fucking be.”

“Oh, God. I’m on my way.”

Shit. “Emile?!” The call ended. Remus was definitely going to kill Roman. Or Emile.

Or Janus.

—-

Virgil Thompson was never the best at cheering up friends. Or anyone. And as he fell like a rag doll into his desk chair, spinning slowly, he realized he wasn’t too good at cheering himself up either. Roman had gone off the radar, Remus was too on the radar, and it felt like everyone else was falling apart at the seams.

Everyone except Patton.

Somehow that made Virgil feel worse.

It wasn’t that he wanted to ignore Patton’s texts. Really, he wanted to feel normal. He would have loved to just go to Patton’s place and play video games or anything just to be bored, apathetic Virgil again. But apathy and boredom were too much work. And Patton kept saying “You should be nicer to people” and other bullshit like that. The problem with Patton was that he had yet to grow up enough to learn the difference between niceness and sincerity.

So Virgil Thompson knew today would not be the day he’d suddenly be capable of helping either twin. Or himself.

—-

You only ever touch me in the dark

After what seemed like an endless supply of people who just wanted to ask questions, Roman was lucky to have a friend who just wanted to talk. He invited Patton over (leaving the house felt like too much work), brushed his teeth (how many days had it been since he’d done that?), and threw on the best “I look good but I don’t have to work for it” outfit he could. And then he took it off. And tried again. And again. He came to realize that sweatpants and a largely oversized, very old t-shirt were the only clothes he could stand to see himself in.

Only if we're drinkin' can you see my spark

Roman sat across the table from Patton. Cups of coffee sat between them. Everywhere else in the house was silent.

Patton reached out, laying his hand on Roman’s arm. Roman flinched at the touch and silently cursed himself when he saw Patton frown.

“Everyone has been really worried about you,” Patton said.

Roman sighed. “Trust me. I’m well aware.”

“And?”

“And,” he said with poison on the tip of his tongue, “I wish everyone would respect my need for space without bombarding me with a ton of questions.” He let out a deep breath and relaxed his fists. He didn’t remember clenching them.

Patton took a quick inhale and let it out slowly. “Janus was asking about you,” he said so quickly Roman wasn’t even sure he’s heard him correctly.

“What?”

“Janus is worried about you too. He still wants you guys to be friends, you know.” Patton’s eyes went to the wall. And the floor. And any direction that wasn’t Roman. Pathetic. “He’s really sad, you know, that you haven’t spoken to him.”

“So he’s completely ignoring my need for space?” Roman snapped. “I told him I needed time. Or do my feelings not matter?”

“Of course they matter,” Patton protested. “But maybe you should consider how Janus feels.”

Roman’s fists tightened again- no longer from fear but boiling red anger. “I have spent four months,” he spat, “considering Janus’s feelings and he can’t even last a week to spare mine?”

“Roman, I think-

“I think you should leave.”

Patton’s head snapped to attention. His brown eyes went wide and Roman could almost see his anger in the watery reflection. “Roman-“

“Get out before one of us says something the other will regret,” he snapped. Though truth be told, he was already regretting when Patton had said “Hello.”

“Fine,” Patton said with a hitch in his voice. “But you’re making a very selfish mistake, Roman.”

Roman made a very selfish gesture. And when Patton slammed the front door shut, he sobbed.

And only in the evening can you give yourself to me

Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic.

Roman found no escape from the word.

Pathetic.

Who got so strung up by a single word anyway? It wasn’t a slur of any kind and Roman had certainly faced worse insults before that had failed to stick as badly. Pathetic. That’s what the hold on him was. It was pathetic to be so afraid of it. It was pathetic to cry every time he heard it on TV- aimed nowhere near him.

Roman picked up his phone with shaking hands. He scrolled until he found the app he needed- it opened straight to the server Virgil had invited him into. Remus and all his friends were there. As were the hundreds of notifications he had muted. 283 were from the server. 10 were texts from Remy. 7 were from Virgil. 6 were from Emile.

Roman didn’t bother clicking on any of them. Instead, he went to the channel that was least used. He wrote a single word.

Pathetic.

—-

Remus hated the songs that were getting stuck in his head. All-day, he tried to tune them out only to have an endless radio in his head. It wasn’t that he disliked the music, he just… hated why he had to hear it. And the lyrics echoing in his head just felt like an echo of guilt from not knowing what to do or say.

Roman’s breakup with Alex hadn’t been that bad. …or had it? And had he just failed to realize?

“Holy fuck,” Remy gasped quietly. He started frantically typing.

“What ha-“

“Server,” Remy said quickly.

And there it was. A single text from Roman in the “banned words” channel.

Seeing anything in that channel was a shock. No one had updated it in well over a year- after that brief fight Virgil and Remy had. (And a long hour of them being locked in a room together. Though, at least 50 minutes of that was a patched friendship and them screaming to get out.)

But still. This was Roman. Roman who had all but refused to show a crack of vulnerability. Roman who had insisted that everything was fine.

Roman. Perfect, golden child Roman.

Remus couldn’t wrap his head around it.

He felt pathetic.

—-

‘Cause the night is your woman

Lilly blew a wad of bubblegum and it smack! ed disgustingly right in front of Roman’s face.

“You make me even more sympathetic towards the Cell Block Tango,” he told her.

She popped her gum again with a smirk and scrunched up her nose, the light making the stud she wore sparkle. Roman could still remember how jealous he was when she got her nose pierced and how badly he wanted his pierced too. Now, it all felt so trivial. He had bigger problems.

“What’s the tea?” she asked, lounging back into her chair with one leg crossed over the other. She looked so calm. Roman wished he could have just half her contentedness.

“God… so much. How much have I told you about Janus?”

She raised an eyebrow. “You? Nothing.”

“Ah, well, we-“

“That’s not to say I don’t know,” she interrupted. “You’ve just been complete shit at keeping me in the loop lately.”

His face burned in embarrassment. “I’ve been a shitty friend, huh?”

“Just a shitty gossip.” She offered him a small smile and pushed his glass of water closer to him. “Tell me everything.”

Like a river behind a cracked dam, Roman’s feelings came rushing out faster than he could compartmentalize them. Every detail, every secret in seemingly no order until a new type of waterworks were filling his eyes and grasping the words from inside his throat. He took a shaky breath. “They even, you know, warned me. Not just about Janus but about myself.”

Lilly raised an eyebrow. “Yourself? Roman, you’ve done nothing wrong. Who gave you this ‘warning’ ?”

“Well, Remy and Virgil, mostly-“

She scoffed. “Virgil, of course. I hate that self-deprecating prick.”

“Virgil Thompson?” Roman asked.

“Yeah, fuck that guy,” she said.

He frowned. “What’s wrong with Virgil?”

She gave a heavy sigh, the kind that says “Don’t even get me started” , but as she opened her mouth to speak, she glanced up at Roman and- “…Nothing. He’s fine, just… I won’t tell you who to be friends with.”

That answer only made Roman feel worse, but he didn’t want to risk pushing Lilly.

He couldn’t afford anyone else’s rage.

And she’ll set you free

Perhaps it was cliché. Maybe he did seem like a middle school girl or the winner of a traumatizing set of children’s games. But the goo was thick and started to itch just as soon as the coldness disappeared from it. And Roman was convinced it was going to change his life.

Lies.

#roceit #roman x janus #tss roceit #ts roceit #ts roman #ts roman x janus #ts janus x roman #ts fic #sanders sides fic #roman angst #ts roman angst #sanders sides angst #song fic #platonic roman x everyone #multi ship fic #multi chapter fic #tss hurt/comfort

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two-am-outlines-only · 2 years

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At the Last Second

Summary: Inspired by Snowing in Venice by Elizaveta. In an attempt to get as far away from their hometown as possible, Janus decides to go to college in Venice, Italy. Roman is conflicted over his feelings about it and doesn’t know what to say until the last second.

Warnings: asthma mention.

Ships: Janus x Roman, Rociet

Word Count: 1, 985

AO3 Link

Maybe my song, isn’t happy enough but I I see it take flight with the snowflakes above My coffee gets cold, as I’m staring enthralled At the snow that keeps falling outside

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Roman snuck another glance at Janus when they thought he wasn’t looking, seeing him still smiling slightly and nodding along to whatever song was on that Roman couldn’t concentrate on right now because they were looking at Janus. It wasn’t as if this was a new occurrence, they looked at Janus all the time. When he took half assed notes during class, pushing his soft, straight hair out from in front of his eyes with practiced impatience. When he glided along beside Roman on his skateboard while they tried desperately to keep their eyes on the sidewalk lest they flip over the handlebars of their bike. When he walked towards them with that signature crooked smile, straight backed but casual and always ready with some biting quip they would both laugh at. And now- when he was driving to the airport for college, Roman sat beside him destined to waste away in the small town they had grown up in, alone and forgotten.

Admittedly that was dramatic even for them but it felt true all the same. Roman had never really gotten along with Janus until high school hit, when Roman had actually started looking away from their own little bubble and out towards everyone else’s. For the life of them they couldn’t imagine why they had ever been enemies. Janus was smart, scarily so sometimes, often getting into debates (arguments) with Logan and Virgil in any given class and always seeming to have just the right phrase or quote or research paper handy to pull up on his phone that drove his points across. He could sing, though Roman didn’t admit they had heard him while he painted the theater sets one day until many months later; his beautifully haunting baritone filling the theater as if he was the only one ever meant to sing in it. He was also incredibly caring, helping Roman through rough patch after rough patch and letting Roman do the same for him. They had become nearly inseparable from ninth grade on but now-

Janus had always been smart and always wanted to move as far away from their hometown as possibly- namely his family but that was another topic entirely. Roman had helped him research colleges when they were in eleventh grade, jokingly saying that with all his dramatics and flair he should go to Paris to study, citing it as a place to find the romanticism he always put into everything anyway. Learning he had taken that to heart as a possibility to get even further away, eventually enrolling in and getting accepted not to anywhere in Paris, but instead Venice, Italy had nearly torn Roman in two. They had been so incredibly happy for and proud of their friend but they selfishly wished he had stayed just a little bit closer. Roman dreamed of a teaching job, somewhere they could help out in the creative department helping kids like them come out of their shell and discover new talents and passions. They didn’t need to go overseas for that- they didn’t want to and was in the process of preparing to move a state over to go to a community college to start out that path.

So Janus was moving thousands of miles away for who knew how long (four years at least) and Roman would then only be furthering that gap with his own move, leaving them to letters and skype calls as the primary source of communication rather than their trips to the cake shop or late night talks at the local park. And Roman knew that should be enough, but he was already missing the weight of Janus’ hand in their own and his warmth at their side during movie marathons and their smile and laugh and stupid, sarcastic sense of humor. They snuck another glance over but realized with a start Janus was looking at them, his hand off the wheel and- when had the car stopped? They couldn’t possibly be there already could they?

But they were, and Janus was looking at them with that all knowing look that always infuriated Roman to no end but he said nothing, instead reaching over and squeezing their hand before moving to get out of the car. The airport wasn’t really that far away from their town, just an hours drive to the edge of the city but Roman still felt they had just wasted it pouting instead of actively being there for their best friend. Janus wouldn’t say anything though, he probably knew how Roman was feeling before they knew themself but the knowing silence was somehow worse, filling the space between them that was about to get so much longer with too many words and not enough time to say them. Nevertheless they grabbed up a bag and smiled at the other, shutting the trunk after him and following to the waiting area. They had made good time, having a little over an hour to waste before Janus would have to board, which Roman had previously been ecstatic about but now it meant they might actually have to talk and they didn’t think they’d have the common sense to keep their mouth shut when it came to how they actually felt about him leaving.

“Roman, did you leave my medical bag in the car?” Janus’ concern pulled them out of their head as they looked around where they had decided to sit, sure it had been among the things they had picked up but they didn’t notice the unmistakable bright orange anywhere.

“I’ll go check, you stay with the bags so they don’t get stolen.” Janus nodding to give them the go-ahead had them turning on their heel and hurrying back towards the parking garage, twirling the keys around their finger as they went.

One thorough search of the car later and Roman was frantically texting Janus that they must have left it at the house, though how either of them had managed it they couldn’t fathom.

Roman: I’ll just drive back and get it. Text you when I find it.

Janus: Hold on, let me get there since you left me with ALL THE BAGS

Roman: It’ll be faster if I just go. Let me be the dashing prince to rescue your trip!

Roman started the car up and quickly put it into reverse, not really thinking about practically stealing Janus’ car from him. Their phone buzzed from the passenger seat as he glanced in the rear view before pulling out completely, wincing as he saw Janus standing there where the car had just been parked. Several buzzes later and the car fell silent, making them bite back a laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. They had wanted an out from the tense hour that waiting for the flight would have been, they just wished it had been something a bit more low stakes than forgetting a bag with Janus’ EpiPen and inhaler inside. Settling further down into the seat they concentrated hard on the road, praying there wouldn’t be any traffic.

-----

Ten minutes.

Roman practically face planted on their way out of the car, swinging the bag up in triumph of finding it or fear of breaking it they didn’t know and was too busy to think about at the moment. Tearing through the air port as fast as they possibly could they finally found Janus standing near the line people were in to board the plane, glancing at his phone before looking around for any sign of Roman coming with his bag. In their haste they had forgotten to text him but they were here now- sweaty, gross and aching with all the things they wanted to say but didn't have time to even though they probably wouldn’t have taken the chance when they had it anyway. As much as they so wished this moment to be their happily ever after it was too soon in both of their lives for that and they’d have to come to terms with the fact that long distance anything was hard and they would both be busy with their own lives.

Pushing their bangs away from their face they finally reached Janus and held out the rescued bag, chest heaving from running through a house and then an airport.

“You truly didn’t have to go all the way back on your own to get this Roman, but thank you.” Janus squinted at him and chuckled. “It’s a good thing I have this, do you need my inhaler?”

“I’d have to keep it since looking at you takes my breath away already.” Roman blurted, opening their mouth before they could think.

Janus blinked, then scowled playfully. “Roman Sanders, was that a pick up line? You waited until I’m about to leave the country to flirt with me?”

“No! ...well, yes but- I’ve flirted with you plenty before!”

“Jokingly!” Janus shoved them before grabbing at the front of their shirt and stepping closer. “You are insufferable.”

Roman hardly dared to breath as Janus leaned in closer, hands fluttering nervously at their sides as they stood still and waited. Smiling, Janus leaned up slightly. “May I have a kiss goodbye then?”

“If you don’t I will scream so loud security will take you and then you’ll have no choice but to stay here longer.”

Chuckling Janus stepped closer, erasing any pretense of space between them. Finally deciding their hands would feel less awkward resting on the others’ hips, they pulled Janus forward gently and tilted their head with his. The general din of the airport faded away as soft strands of feather light hair tickled their nose and Janus’ hands came up to tangle in their own somewhat frizzier hair at the nape of their neck. There was an announcement that vaguely sounded like Janus was being called to board but they were only held tighter as their lips finally, finally met.

And oh.

They almost wished they could sue Disney only on the merit that it had set their expectations for a first kiss entirely too low. There were no fireworks, no choir to set the mood further. It didn’t feel like the climax of their life nor like coming home after a long and tiring journey. It was soft, so very soft. A simple brush against their lips that filled them with an indescribable amount of joy for such a small action; and then they were being pulled and they followed willingly, pressing against the other just a little tighter. Their noses bumped despite the angle and Roman’s hands still felt awkward even if Janus hadn’t brushed them away but it felt like nothing and everything they had always dreamed it would be because it was Janus so it was good and perfect and like nothing they had ever experienced or wanted to experience in their life.

It only lasted a couple seconds, Janus pulling away only to peck their nose and whisper a quiet “see you later” against their lips and he was gone, hurrying towards the plane as the last call for his appearance was announced. Roman stood there, dumbfounded with a burning face but a chest that was burning ten times hotter, hands still slightly outstretched where Janus’ waist had been moments before. Shaking themself out of it they turned swiftly and made their way over to a bench by the windows to watch the plane take off. Four years in Venice for Janus, four years in Pennsylvania for Roman.

They could do that.

-----

Maybe my song isn’t happy enough but I I see it take flight with the snowflakes above me My coffee gets cold as I’m staring enthralled At the snow the keeps falling outside

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